Why Rob Iler Wanted Tom Whacked | Your Mom's House Ep. 832

Tom's coming to Hanover, Maryland on the 19th as well as all over Indiana Oct. 23th - 26th. Make sure to get your tickets at https://TomSegura.com/Tour SPONSORS: Use the read where they say http://helixsleep.com/YMH Get your first month of BlueChew FREE at https://bluechew.com New Customers Bet $5 Get $300 in Bonus Bets If Your Bet Wins. The Crown Is Yours! Sign up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. #DKPartner Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. Hey, Jeans! Tim’s off at rehab for an eating disorder (allegedly), so Christina welcomes certified Soul Mommy and Not Today Pal co-host Rob Iler to hold down the fort. They dive head-first into the single life, dating red flags, and the thriving world of inmate dating apps — complete with reviews of real prison profiles. Rob reveals his “type,” Christina confesses her John Goodman fantasy, and together they somehow connect it all to asthma, cigarettes, and childhood trauma. If you're in the mood for farts, felons, and philosophy this week, you've come to the right place! Your Mom’s House Ep. 832 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit https://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit https://ccpg.org (CT), or visit https://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in NH/OR/ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply. Terms: https://draftkings.com/sportsbook. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). Fees may apply in IL. 1 per new customer. Must register new account to receive reward Token. Must select Token BEFORE placing min. $5 bet to receive $300 in Bonus Bets if your bet wins. Min. -500 odds req. Token and Bonus Bets are single-use and non-withdrawable. Token expires 11/23/25. Bonus Bets expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: https://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 11/16/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:53 - Opening Clip: Fat Women Are Broke Dudes 00:08:26 - You're The One For Me Fatty 00:15:16 - Idaho Prison Inmate Dating Game 00:22:06 - Wolly Willy Babe 00:27:41 - Here For Good Time, Not Long Time 00:32:27 - Chain Smoking Grandparents 00:40:21 - Traveling Girls 00:45:48 - Happy Tom, Gross Rob 00:53:06 - Clip: Horse Milk 00:54:39 - Big Cheese Guy 00:58:49 - Learning Things From TikTok 01:05:55 - Poo Poo Pee Pee Dealbreakers + Rob's Pazsitzky Effect 01:14:28 - Christina's Curations 01:24:07 - More TikToks 01:40:45 - Closing Song -"Booty Opens Up" by Buttstin Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Segura?

  Hey everybody. This Sunday, October 19th, I'll be in Hanover, Maryland. I'll be at the Hall at Live during my Come Together Tour. Then next week, I'm coming all across Indiana. Gary on October 23rd, West Lafayette on October 24th, and Fort Wayne on October 25th, and Bloomington, October 26th. Get your tickets right now at tomsgar.com/tour.

• 0:34Tom Segura?

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• 1:17Tom Segura?

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• 1:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, what's everybody? Oh, this is my camera. I'm Christine. Tim is out touring, probably has a second family that he needs to support. But with me in his place is the fantastic Rob Eyler. Everybody, welcome.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Wow, thank you. You told me Tom was in rehab for eating disorder.

• 1:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. I forgot about that. Yeah, I didn't want to put it out there, but yes, he is.

• 1:59Speaker 02

  People have noticed.

• 2:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  That it did.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  I have to say. Yeah.

• 2:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, I thought it was just him leading up to having an affair and abandoning me, because that's where my mind goes, because I'm mentally normal.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  But he could do that fat. He has enough money where he could just be fat and fuck.

• 2:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's such a good point.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true, but I was, but I've always heard that it's like when guys change their appearance and stuff, like, that's the first step. So I don't know.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, good luck with that.

• 2:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Give a shit, yeah. But the good thing is, is just in rehab. Who cares? No, I don't care. I'll be single forever. Anyway, if Tom and I go splitsville, I'm just, I'm just gonna have more cats and dogs.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, you could live the life. We call it the lifestyle.

• 2:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  The lifestyle.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, like how the swingers have the lifestyle.

• 2:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  I have the, the, the single lifestyle. We call it the lifestyle.

• 2:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  The lifestyle.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  The lifestyle. Yeah. Where you don't have to, me and Annie were just talking about, where you don't have to worry about other people's feelings.

• 2:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That must be nice.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  You don't have to meet people's friends and pretend to like them, which is the number one worst part.

• 2:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think that's the worst part, or learning their, like, triggers and what makes them sad and what upsets them and?

• 3:08Speaker 02

  No, because that I could, that I could, that I could at least get into. Like, I could find it interesting that someone's, like, crazy. Where when your friend is an asshole and I'm supposed to be like, oh, they're so funny, like.

• 3:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all my life.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, no, that's great that they're, like, loud and, like, annoying and drunk. And I think it's charming.

• 3:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's so weird because I had an ex-boyfriend whose friends were just awful people, but he was a really good person. And I've always thought about that for, for years. Like, what was that guy doing with all these, like, dirtbags?

• 3:40Speaker 02

  What do you think that is?

• 3:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't fucking know. I don't know. Maybe he felt that he wasn't good enough to have good friends, or maybe just like the excitement of dirtbags? Because I don't know, dude. I don't know. Fucking let's call him.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Do you think that's why he was with you?

• 3:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm for sure mentally ill.

• 4:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, alright. Well, should we, uh, thanks for being here and taking Tim, Tim's place and this is gonna be fun because you really know the show. For those of you who don't know, Rob Iler is a mommy. Um, that's how we connected in the first place many years ago. You like Your Mom's House. You've listened to Your Mom's House.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I moved to Austin.

• 4:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm a bit of a fan. Yeah, this is true. Yeah.

• 4:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, not today, pal.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  But the real honor is that when you have to do a solo show, you call me and when Tom has to do a solo show, he calls me. That's, that's an honor. Like, just having me on is one thing, but when you're like, oh, man, we gotta do this with no one. Can you come do this? I'm like, yeah, it's fucking, it's great. It's a true honor.

• 4:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you're a soul mommy.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're definitely mommy by soul. Also, I don't know if you do know this, the fart mic has returned, so if you feel the need to fart,

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  go ahead. Okay?

• 4:49Speaker 02

  I'll try and muster one up. I had short ribs last night.

• 4:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, there you go. Pump it up. Alright, let's, let's start with this beautiful opening. Beautiful.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  A fat woman is the, you know, equivalent of what a broad dude is.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, nice, mommy.

• 5:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Timing, timing.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  We didn't hit the post.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rob Iler. Now, jet.

• 5:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 6:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fat woman. What does he say? Let's do it again.

• 6:04Speaker 03

  A fat woman is the, you know, equivalent of what a broad dude is.

• 6:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, what do you think? It's not untrue. I hate to say this.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, because listen, what I think is they both have their, they could still both do well somehow out there. Like, you know, broke guys do well, fat chicks do.

• 6:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  They, they still somehow, you know, they can pull.

• 6:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fat broads. Yeah, but, but you're, yeah. Okay. Okay. This is a good topic. Let me go there. So I started working out at a gym and I, I used to work out at a weightlifter's gym where there was like toothless men, guys missing limbs, like, like war veterans. And it was so fucking fun. Like, I really liked it.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  This is here?

• 6:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 6:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like heavy metal and murals of like skulls and shit. And I was like the only lady there.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 6:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I, I was catching some looks, you know what I mean?

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Right.

• 7:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was like, wow, I still got it. And now I go to like.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  Look at you with your legs walking in here.

• 7:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Legs and your teeth.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  And now I go to like a hot girl gym where it's all like super nice, older hot ladies. And they're all in their, their Lululemons and they don't have to cover their bellies or their butts. And I'm like, oh, okay. Now I, now I see where I am in like the pecking order.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  So it's no men allowed?

• 7:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, they can be, they are men there, but it's where, when I go, it's like hot, skinny, like ladies.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  We gotta talk after. I gotta figure out, I gotta hear where, I gotta hear where this is.

• 7:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the currency totally is, I feel like, like you go, so the point being like, yeah, I could pull guys, but they're probably not, you know.

• 7:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Super duper if I'm like, super husky, right?

• 7:48Speaker 02

  I think social media has made people such assholes that like, even if you're fat or broke or whatever, all you have to do is be like fucking cool and like, understanding and not an asshole now. And I think you could do pretty well. Like, like, cause when I, when I was younger and everything, like, I, I would, I wanted a girl who was like, I would see my friends get a girlfriend who like, wasn't very hot, but they were like, "No, but she's the best." And I'd be like, "What?" Like, I didn't even get it. But now that I'm older, I'm like, "All I want is a woman who's like, "Hey, you don't have to come to my friend's birthday with me." That's all I wanna hear. Like, I don't, I don't care about anything else. If she's like, "Hey, I want a girl who hates going to things as much as I do, so she'll be like, "Hey, I have to go to this thing, you can stay home." That's all I wanna hear.

• 8:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  But she can be fat?

• 8:32Speaker 02

  How fat? Well, but it's, I'm just saying, listen, I'm, I'm a lunatic, but there's, there's, she can do ver- but I'm not even like, doing well, like, as far as like, for a woman, but like, I think a woman can be fat and still do very well. Yeah.

• 8:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's interesting.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  But how fat are we talking about here? Like, just...

• 8:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's fat? I don't know, but that's the thing, the standards are so different. Here, have you ever heard what Karl Lagerfeld has to say on it? Now, go ahead and play.

• 8:58Speaker 04

  It'll be okay for women to be fat in the future? I'm afraid, yes. But not okay now? No.

• 9:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  There he goes. Anyway, that's all he says. He, he's quote, "Fat-phobic" by today's standards, but in like, the early 2000s and before, he was like, right on, you know?

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Listen, I, I think it's great to be fat. The only reason not to be fat is because you want to attract a mate. After that, it's like, who could, like, I, sometimes like, I'll gain like, you know, a few pounds in the belly and like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I just, it's more so my face. Like, I have the Irish round face that like, once, if I gain five pounds, it looks like it all goes to my face.

• 9:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, nobody likes to be, I, I don't ever like to be over it. But I will say, and I, I think that men behind closed doors, when they're being honest and they talk about their wives, they're like, "Dude, "I just don't like it if she's fat." Am I right? Am I fucking, please?

• 9:50Speaker 02

  I've never been married. I don't know. I don't know what you, if you actually just, I don't know if you just like love your wife or whatever. Like if she gains some pounds or, but I know like, when you, but listen, I think like, I don't know if a girl's a little overweight, but she's fucking awesome. Like I take that now that I'm 40. When I'm 20, it was like, no, I want hot and don't care if she's crazy. Where now I'm like, yeah, but I'm also in the, in the camp of like, I wouldn't date someone who doesn't go to the gym, but that's not because I want you to be skinny. It's because I want you to get your fucking anger out somewhere.

• 10:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And not on you.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Just not at home. Yeah. Like not, I want you to get that out. So like you're, you know, like, I'm way more, less likely to like argue after I leave the gym.

• 10:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah. It get completely balances your life out.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  You have to get that out.

• 10:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. See, I never cared about weight or, or mus- muscularity with men. Is that, is that the word? I don't know. I never.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Sounds smart.

• 10:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I mean, I like these fucking homos, like these guys, these like fey.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  Like frail looking guys?

• 10:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Like Dave Gahan, like skinny, Peter Murphy skinny are just like.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's, that's, see that's weird. Yeah.

• 11:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I think I am a femboy. I think I might be gay man, woman. I, what am I? I don't know.

• 11:06Tom Segura?

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• 13:23Speaker 02

  See, I used to like, like short Spanish girls with a little weight on them. Like when I was younger and then I started hanging out, like when I would go to clubs and hang out and all these like guys in clubs, they liked girls who were skinnier and that just became like the women who were around more. So I started leaning more towards that, even though like my true thing is like a little like short Spanish girl. Like that's how I really, that's how I was brought into this world. Loving, loving that. Yeah. But then you, you know, you change.

• 13:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, and, and I, I, my first sexual dream was about John Goodman. I was like 13 or 12 and I just loved, I've always had a crush on John Goodman. And so when I met Tommy.

• 14:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was heavier and I was like, like it was a deeply rooted, like shameful weird thing that I kinda liked, husky gents.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  I can just picture you calling your girlfriend after the first date and being like, "God, he's like a young John Goodman." And they're like, "What?" You're like, "I think I'm gonna marry this guy."

• 14:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I knew I was going to. I just, I loved him. I just loved it.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Oh wow, look at John Goodman in 1962. When you go to that one on Facebook, he looks like Ralph Macchio.

• 14:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he's so adorable.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 14:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  And he looks like, uh, who's the-

• 14:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's not him! That's Elijah Wood!

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, that man. I was thinking that, I was like, who's played Frodo? I was gonna say, it looks like him, yeah.

• 14:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Frodo turned into John Goodman? That's so stupid.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Well, we gotta see John Goodman as a kid now. Do we have that? What did he look like?

• 15:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I bet he was adorable. Is John Goodman still alive? You know when people are Googling that for you, that's fucking bad. Oh, he's cute, see? He's just so American and so like, he just seems like he'd protect you.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  You know people who Google, "Is John Goodman still alive?" It takes them like 10 minutes to Google it, cuz they're the people who like loved Roseanne like 30 years ago. Now they're like, "Hold on, let me see." They're like, "Is?" "S?"

• 15:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think people still secretly love the show Roseanne.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Oh, of course. I don't think it's a secret, yeah.

• 15:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at him, so handsome. The Big Lebowski, come on. I don't know, I always liked heavier guys, even growing up. My dad's fatter friends, I just liked those old Hungarian guys with bellies and... To me, it's kind of like, like, I don't, you know, like, they're not so uptight. They're not so, so disciplined. Like, they can enjoy life or something, maybe that's... Or they're just slobs, and maybe they're not afraid that I'm a slob. Maybe that's the truth too, is that my standards get to be lowered, which is really the best part. I don't have to try so hard.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're not super anal about stuff.

• 16:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I would fucking really hate that. Now, speaking of dating, you're in the dating world. I've got some gals for you, hold on.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  Ooh, okay.

• 16:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's take a look at these ladies. You tell me if any of these ring your bell. Here we go.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  And I have a spunky attitude. Um, don't be shy. Hit me up on JPay.com and big shout out to Prison Connect. Oh, can I tell you, yes.

• 16:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  I'm a sucker. Listen, if I, if I wasn't.

• 16:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit, sorry. Oh no. Oh.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 16:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it, it's still going? She gave you a body shot, dude.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 16:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  She gave you full fucking.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  See, if I, if I didn't know better, I'd be all in, but I know better. You know what I mean? Like, I know that this woman will try and like, she'll come ruin my life and like, you know? All that stuff. Yeah. But if I didn't know that, I'd be in, I'd be like, who is this angel?

• 17:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you could meet her out in, in a bar or whatever in the street.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I can't.

• 17:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, not you.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Not me.

• 17:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so, so here's the deal. Do you want to know what she did?

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 17:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I tell you what her offenses are. Do you want to guess?

• 17:25Speaker 02

  And we'll see if that makes me like her more or not. I'm gonna say she, she did something with a guy where they like robbed somebody.

• 17:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's always a guy, right? I, I think so too. Like, none of these chicks are initiating.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Well, some of them, some of them. But this one just seems, she's showing guy hungry. So I think maybe that led her down the wrong path.

• 17:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guy hungry.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  You know, where other women, you just see a woman, it's like, ooh, she looks angry. She might have just beaten a woman up. Or beaten someone up, you know?

• 17:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Might have beaten up parking lot attendant to death.

• 17:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are, are you ready?

• 17:54Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is good. She's good. First of all, here's the good news. She's out in February of 2028.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  I have a, an issue.

• 18:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go ahead.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  This is from an app where you date inmates. They shouldn't put the word pay in the name of the app.

• 18:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  J-Pay. No, you can give them money for their commissary.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  But that's what I'm saying. That should, it should come as like, oh, actually, you know what? You could also send me money. But when the name of the app is J, like, at least lure me down a thing of like sexy inmate, you know, like a lonely.

• 18:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  What was the reason for that? Do you guys remember this thing? Reasons from J-Pay?

• 18:31Speaker 02

  I don't want pay to be the.

• 18:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why is J-Pay? Yeah, like, I think he's saying like it's very forward to just start with the money.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  It might as well be like, hey sucker, the name of the app.

• 18:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I agree. They should have, but then what would they call like, what's a Facebook for criminals?

• 18:45Speaker 02

  Lonely, lonely women.

• 18:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Locked up, locked and lonely?

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. Locked up broads.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  I don't know. Anything but like, where's the money?

• 18:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jay, I agree.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  That's a horrible name.

• 18:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is where you put money on their commissary.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  Right, that's not where the dates specifically come from.

• 19:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you ready to hear what this broad did? Okay. Controlled substance possession of...

• 19:07Speaker 02

  Fine.

• 19:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, big deal. And grand theft by any common law larceny, embezzlement, extortion, or receiving stolen goods? I mean...

• 19:19Speaker 02

  That's not, receiving stolen goods? Who doesn't do that? When I was growing up, like, hey, this fell off the back of a truck. What are you gonna do? Say no to a criminal? You gotta take it.

• 19:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Grand theft by any common law larceny? I'm not sure what that means. What does that mean?

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Have you ever gotten one of them to FaceTime in?

• 19:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, please, no.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  I would love to talk to her.

• 19:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, so Ashley's definitely, that's a thumbs up still.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  I, oh, all day. If, if, if she, if she was anywhere else, like, let's say she was in like a, a nunnery and had this video, I'd be like, we gotta break her out. We gotta get her out. But knowing that she's in prison, she'll probably try and like, take my money and ruin my life. I, I instantly go like, no, I can't. I can't do that.

• 19:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, so here's what she did. Unlawfully taking, carrying away, and permanently depriving the owner of personal property that exceeds a certain monetary value. Okay, big whoop. So she stole something from some dude or whatever?

• 20:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, she could have been mad at somebody, been like, oh, I'm taking the dog.

• 20:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's stupid. I agree. She's minor. I think Ashley's still a good candidate for you. I liked how she backed up and gave you a full body shot. Apropos our earlier discussion of like, you know, fat women or like, broke men. She's showing you the goods. She's saying, I'm thin everywhere. So she's not luring you in. Because on the profile, on the dating apps...

• 20:30Speaker 02

  I'm thin everywhere.

• 20:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like, on the dating apps. Can't they lure you in with like, a nice face pic? But then the body could be totally different.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  They can lure you in with a full body pic, and then you see, and you're like, this is not the body in the pic.

• 20:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really? They do totally different bodies?

• 20:46Speaker 02

  Full, yeah. They, they can trick you in any, they take a picture in like, a black shirt and pants in front of a black wall, and you're like, I think, uh, I think that's all right. Yeah, and then you meet up, and you're like, oh, man. Good thing this wasn't dinner, you know?

• 20:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  So what do you do at them? Like coffee? Or you do like a fast? Oh, you don't drink coffee?

• 21:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, we'll do whatever. But then, you know, there, there are some times where you know right away, like this is gonna, like I remember the last girl who I dated for like a long period of time, we met on an app and right away I was like, no, I know. This is legit. And like, yeah, I got on a plane to go meet her.

• 21:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where?

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Cause it was Miami.

• 21:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. And?

• 21:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, the best. It was incredible. But we just, you know, it was, uh, one, one of us was gonna have to move and it just didn't feel right. And it was unfortunate, but yeah, now she's in prison.

• 21:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that was her. That's actually, right. Let's see this one.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  But it does feel like she's blowing these kisses to everybody, which I don't like. I'm jealous. You know, I'm a jealous kinda guy.

• 21:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. I understand what you're saying. Guys want to think that you're, you're gonna give the goodies only to them.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Only to Rob. The kisses are only for Rob.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  The, the, the showing off of the bodies only for you.

• 21:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't even like when, when a, when a girl on a dating app, like their first thing is like, let's not chat, let's just meet right away. I'm like, I'm like, oh, easy. Like, yeah, I want, I wanna, I wanna make sure we're not wasting time. Like if, right away, I know, I'm like, hey, do you drink wine every night? Cause if yes, goodbye. I can't, I can't do it. Like I just, I, I don't drink and I don't want somebody who's drunk all the time. So like, I have to get those things out of the way where like, a lot of these women are just like, nope, we, we meet right now or nothing. I'm like, goodbye. I can't like they, cause you know what it is? They've gone down the path, like a lot of them say like, I don't want a pen pal. They've gone down a path before where a guy just like, talked to them forever and then never met them. So now they're like, I won't even talk to you. Like just meet me or nothing.

• 22:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Which I'm the opposite. I'm like, no, I need to know you're not crazy before I go and meet you because I'd, I'm not dying for a relationship. So if you're like crazy or in prison or blowing everyone kisses or what, like I can't, if you commit a grand larceny, it might be a no for me.

• 22:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. Fascinating, man. This world.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  It's brutal out there.

• 22:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is. Okay. So here's Kylie Michelle.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Hot name.

• 23:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, here she goes. Let's see. Hi, my name's Kylie Jackman. My number's 110-819. I'm in Pocahontas. Tell a women's correctional center. I have blue eyes and thick thighs. Okay. You can hit me up on JP.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Hmm. You know, I'm scared to like really say absolutely not to some of these women because I'm like they're they're whoever. Somebody might come and get me. But you know who she and listen, I don't want to be rude, but she kind of reminds me of is the person who remember back in the day. There was that toy that you would get and it was like a bald guy and you would put the hair on him.

• 23:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God, yeah, for my kids, a magnet. It's a magnet.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  What is that called? When you you put the.

• 23:39Speaker 05

  Woolly Willie?

• 23:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Woolly Willie.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Can you look? Can you get a picture of that up? Because I'm getting strong vibes from her.

• 23:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know what you're talking about. It's the nose.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, see when it's when it has the no hair?

• 23:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's kind of that's.

• 23:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kind of some similar.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Not to be rude, but I just want to say that's not my type.

• 23:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. Woolly Willie is not something I.

• 24:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, don't you dare put down Kylie because I will tell you that Kylie, first of all, she's wife material. I think Kylie, especially at a man of your age and where you're at, she might be your fucking ride or die bitch. You know what I'm saying? Like? And I and judging by these, I'm gonna go with the she's like a ride or die. Do you want to know what she did?

• 24:21Speaker 02

  But here's the thing, I think you want a ride or die who's like a nine ride or die because if you go too far.

• 24:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Too scammy. What are you talking about? You want that girl?

• 24:28Speaker 02

  No, because then if you're like, oh, this fucking girl, like I went to go get to the gym and she wasn't nice to me and then she goes and like cuts her. And then you're like, oh, now I gotta be putting stuff in her JP fucking every week because she cut her for me. I don't want you want a nine ride or die. A 10 ride or die is a little too.

• 24:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. Because you're saying that she's going to be too protective and too invested in the relationship. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to lose you because she's so like clingy, right?

• 24:54Speaker 02

  You did what to my man? Like, I want I want calm. You know what I mean? But what? Yeah. What did she commit? Maybe maybe I'm totally wrong.

• 25:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it because Kylie is like, this is like a nothing burger. Controlled substance possession of and burglary out.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm so sorry for judging you. Yeah.

• 25:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's a that's a nothing burger and she's out in 2026.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Oh, congrats. On good behavior.

• 25:19Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 26:04Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 27:53Speaker 05

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• 27:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I don't think Kylie, I don't know.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  No privacy, huh? If I, if me and her are talking, there's just the whole cruise in the back, huh?

• 28:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  So she burgled and she has some drugs on her. Big fucking deal. So what's the?

• 28:12Speaker 02

  What are you gonna do, drugs and not rob people?

• 28:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's the whole point.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 28:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You get gacked and you steal, right?

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, you burglar. Yeah, you do some blow and you burglar.

• 28:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I don't know. I don't think, okay, whatever.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  No, I think she's probably a sweetheart. She's just, she's just unfortunately not my type. Yeah.

• 28:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  The first one was more, she's blowing the kisses.

• 28:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I see where you're at. Yeah. Snob.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Hey, what's up? My name's Janelle Martinez. Like it. My number is 114-568. I'm located in Idaho. I'm looking for friends, good company, someone to talk shit with, emotional and financial support. Uh oh. I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

• 28:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Hit me up on JP. See, it's so hot the way she's holding the phone.

• 28:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, a lot of them, sometimes like a rapper.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  That's so hot.

• 29:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they're kind of holding it.

• 29:01Speaker 02

  She's like, I want your money.

• 29:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  She's very, yeah, she's, but listen, I gotta say, I, but maybe it's just good to be honest, but I don't like the approach of like, I want your money right away. It turns me off. I like, first 10 seconds, I was like, this could be the one. And now it's just a no.

• 29:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, here's what I like about.

• 29:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ms. Martinez, she had like the rhyme thing going, you know.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Here for a good time, not a long time.

• 29:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like I like when they're clever. She comes, she came up with that. That shows like she's got a brain on her. She's creative.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  I don't know if she came up with that, but.

• 29:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or maybe she adapt, but she adapted it and used it and I really like that. She is a younger inmate. She's only 30 years old.

• 29:44Speaker 02

  Looks great.

• 29:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  So she's got youth on her side. She's good looking. Um, and she wants to have fun.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  Great hair.

• 29:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great hair. I like her a lot. Okay. Do you want to know what she did?

• 29:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  This one's interesting. I've never even seen this. Martinez was found to be using mood altering substances for which she had no prescription.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Oh, come on.

• 30:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  She received a class B disciplinary offense.

• 30:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  What does this even mean? Found to be using mood altering substances.

• 30:14Speaker 02

  Aren't there all these cities where like people are like, we arrest people 37 times and, and they're fine. But then this girl is just like doing drugs. Who cares?

• 30:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, here we go.

• 30:24Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 30:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry, I should have kept reading.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, the upside down phone said maybe she did a little, a little something we don't.

• 30:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you guess what mood altering substance it was? What do you think? What are you thinking she's doing?

• 30:37Speaker 02

  Oh, a lobotomy? Did she get a full?

• 30:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Methamphetamine. And that Martinez tested positive for methamphetamine while in custody on her rider.

• 30:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, in 2023, she was convicted of possession of heroin and fentanyl. Well.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Okay, now.

• 30:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Drugs, right, big deal.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  And then sure, sure. Well, okay, maybe she deserves a little, a little timeout.

• 31:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Drugs, just drugs.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I think it's, but listen, fent, fentanyl, I, I wasn't around in the, in my drug time wasn't fentanyl. Fentanyl looks real bad, man.

• 31:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's real bad.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  I don't know. It doesn't look like a, I don't know. Like, I know a lot of people who started out doing a drug, were having fun, and then, and then it became bad. Where like, I, I don't know anyone who's like, dude, this fentanyl shit's awesome. And then it goes bad. Like, it just seems like day one of fentanyl is as bad as the, the rock bottom of everything else.

• 31:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you take fentanyl voluntarily, or isn't it just in drugs now that like, it's mixed in and it kills you? I thought that was-

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Both. But some people do it, yeah, some people are doing it just for kicks.

• 31:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I will say, it is pretty spectacular. When I broke my ankle, they gave me a fentanyl patch in the amber lamps. And I fucking really loved it. I was like, what is this?

• 31:51Speaker 02

  I think I've told you this before, but there, when I was going through my like, you know, getting off of drugs and all this stuff, I remember hearing all the stories. And there was one actor, wife and husband in Hollywood, and their son was born, like, you know, probably had a really odd life, the whole, like, growing up with parents who were famous or whatever. When he was 18 or whatever, he was such an addict that he threw himself down a flight of stairs to get in the ambulance, go to the hospital to get pain meds.

• 32:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  That's like, you're really committed.

• 32:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a, that's a real-

• 32:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so, uh, that's interesting. I was reading this doc, this book about, um,

• 32:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Marina, she's a fucking, would you look her up? She's a performance artist. Why can't I remember Marina?

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Marina Del Rey?

• 32:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Marina Del Rey. She's from like Belarus. God damn it. Anyway, she's from this old school communist country. I'm obsessed with her. Yeah, Abramovich. Marina Abramovich. She's a performance artist.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm reading her book, her, her autobiography. And she goes, "When I was a little girl, I had a bleeding disorder and they put me in the hospital for like, a month. You think it was the worst time of my life, but it was the best. They were so nice to me there. And my family- Had to be nice to me when they came to visit me and bring me sweets and toys. I was like, I totally understand that.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm like, I fucking wish I had gotten to hospital when I was a kid.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did. I had such bad asthma that I would end up in the hospital, but I hated it.

• 33:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Cause you couldn't, you can't really like, you'd be in the, I didn't like being, as a kid, you wanna run around. You don't wanna be in like a hospital bed. It was, it was brutal.

• 33:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, they, they could, didn't they give you inhalers and stuff to prevent you from being hospitalized?

• 33:36Speaker 02

  You know what's so funny is like now that I'm an adult and I'm like, how come I haven't had an asthma attack in 20 years? I'm like, oh, because when I was a kid, like, we just didn't listen. Like, they were like, hey, you can't do this. You can't be around cats, can't be around dogs. And you just, as a kid, you're not thinking about that all day. So like you go to somebody's house, they have a cat, you don't know, and next thing you know, you're like, bleh, like in the fucking hospital. And I remember we went to like a show one time that had like fake smoke and I ended up in the hospital.

• 34:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 34:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was all, I had such bad asthma. But my uncle also has asthma because we grew up in a fucking tiny apartment with everyone smoking Kools. And we both have fucking horrible asthma. Yeah, my grandmother smoked, my great grandma smoked Pall Malls and my, my grandma and grandpa smoked Kools. And they would just chain smoke.

• 34:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bring those up. Let's take a look at Pall Malls and Kools. Kools are menthol. I remember that. Pall Mall, that's like a-

• 34:30Speaker 02

  I think it's a red pack if I remember right.

• 34:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, with white, like a windmills on it or something. That is re-

• 34:36Speaker 02

  The red pack, yeah. But that wasn't the one that she smoked. She smoked the one that with no filters, like that, that one. If you click on the one that the thing is on right now, yeah, that's what she, that was always in the crib. Yeah, wherever particular people congregate, huh?

• 34:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh wow.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn dude.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  Imagine just like sitting in the apartment, smoking cigarettes with your son and his like wife all day with their kids all around. Like, it must have been just so crazy.

• 35:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Such garbage.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  You know what else I look back on when I look at when I lived with my like grandparents and everything? Like, and maybe I'm wrong about this, but my memory is I didn't have one toy. Like, I remember other times in my life where like you had these toys, but I just remember like I had my own chair. It was like a neon little plastic chair that they would sit right in front of the TV and I was just like, oh, while there was just smoke in the room. Like, and I was just sitting there watching TV all day. But I just don't, like, I know there were times in my life where I had toys, but just that time where I lived with my grandparents, I don't think that they were like, oh, let's get him toys.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  Like let's say it was just like no, oh my god, that apartment was, you would lay in bed, so I slept on the pullout couch in between my grandma and grandpa. And you would hear, as soon as like the lights would go off, it was like.

• 35:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Cucarachas?

• 35:48Speaker 02

  It was mice, cockroaches, every, and it was just the fuck, and then you would hear one get like caught on a trap and it would be like

• 35:56Speaker 02

  and my fucking grandparents would just sleep right through it and I was in the middle of the fucking pullout couch, just like, please, I want to be anywhere.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  And they didn't have the fucking, they didn't have remotes yet, so they had a block that sat over by the TV and you had to walk over and push, because it was like, instead of just turning the thing. And I remember it being like, go change the channel and like, it would just be like, oh, like, fine, we'll just watch this, like, you know? And it was like, fuck, I don't want to watch this. And they had like this thing, you pushed these buttons down on it and it changed the channel.

• 36:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Old, old, yeah. God, it sounds worse than communism. You guys sound more poor than my parents.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  But what's funny is like, I look back on that and I'm like, that was great. Like, I, I, it was just like, I remember bedtime was really not great and scary and everything. But like, up until that, it was, my grandma was the best.

• 36:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  She loved you.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  She loved me, but also like, you know, my parents were very young, so like, it didn't feel like they were passing on these like, life lessons to me everywhere. My grandma would be like, no, you don't do that this way, you do it this way. And then I would do something a different way and it would be easier. And I'd be like, wow, that's so nice. We're like, my, my, my parents were 18, so like, when they were, when I was four, they were like 22. I think about me when I was 22, I didn't have a single lesson to pass.

• 37:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what are you teaching them?

• 37:10Speaker 02

  To a four year, yeah, I knew nothing.

• 37:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's how you drink, yeah.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, and especially like, I would know even less if I got pregnant at 17 or 18 and then, I don't, I don't know if my mom like even finished high school, that because she was pregnant and it's like, that must have been so crazy.

• 37:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  But she knew to make you an actor.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  Well, she, somebody on the street was like, this guy should be an actor. And she was like, yeah, let's go on auditions and see what happens. And thank god.

• 37:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Amazing. Isn't it wild to think like you were in that, I, because I think, I look at the life that my kids have today and like, My youngest is seven now and I'm, I'm like, Julian, when I was your age, I was already like, I was on my own, bro. Like, I could already use the stove. I was cooking. I was alone a lot. And he's like, "Really? Is that true?" I'm like, "Yeah." Our parents didn't give a fuck.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  There was no idea of like, you know, someone would call CPS on you or whatever. They just left you there, you know? You were a latchkey kid. It was wild. Or even my dad, like, partying, like, like, I'd wake up in the middle of the night and you're like, "Who's in the house? What's happening?"

• 38:18Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah.

• 38:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  "Where is this drunk people?" It's awful.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  See, with us, it was more like, uh, like, letting people stay. Like, it wasn't like random people would just pop in, but it was like, "Oh, like, this is, this person, this person, and this person, they're staying with us for months." And you're just like, "Oh, okay," but...

• 38:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  In the apartment?

• 38:36Speaker 02

  In the apartment. But the thing that, like, I do, like, when I look back with my mom and I'm so grateful for is like, when I hear people who are like, "Yeah, my mom never said she loved me," I'm like, "Oof, that's gotta fuck you up." Because at least my mom was always like, "I love you the most," like, you know? She'd be like, "I love you," you know? Where I'm like, "God, I can't imagine, like, for 18 years, never hearing your parent be like, 'I love you.'"

• 38:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Any?

• 38:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think you and I are pretty equal on this one?

• 39:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, I haven't, you know, I didn't hear my dad say any words for like 20 years, so, yeah. "I love you" wasn't on the top of that list.

• 39:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I don't think we said that very often either.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Me and my dad say "I love you" to each other like once a year when, like, something bad happens.

• 39:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  You know?

• 39:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dads are generally a little more...

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, you just don't, but I don't want him, I don't want him to say "I love you" to me all the time.

• 39:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so, I remember feeling so scared of having a real conversation with my parents. Like, the thought would make me nauseous if one of them would be like, "Let's, let's sit down and talk." I'm like, first of all, that never really happened, but I think the thought of it makes me want to puke. Like, that level of intimacy with these folks, like, I don't know. I'm all right. I'm good. I'm good.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  I think my grandparents are like... My dad, like, I don't think of it. What are you trying, what is this?

• 39:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, why are we talking?

• 39:50Speaker 02

  What are you, yeah, like, what, you see the game yesterday? And you're like, oh, yeah, I saw the game, yeah, it sucked, huh? Like, you know, so much better. But I also always think about, like, you know, growing up, it was very much like, as soon as you sat to like, I haven't seen somebody, as soon as you sit, you bring up bad stuff.

• 40:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate that shit.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  It was, that's how we always were. It was like, oh, fucking, like, because this is New York City, like, oh, this fucking traffic. Oh, somebody just fucking did this. And you're like, oh, yeah, you know what somebody fucking did to me? And then, like, you just commiserate.

• 40:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  You know, it's like, oh, this bad thing. We're now like, when I see people, it's like, how are you? And they're like, you know, things are good. You're like, that's great. Like, it's great to hear that, yeah.

• 40:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's totally the Hungarian way, too. It's like, you have to talk about everything that's awful in your life, straight away. And I, I fucking hated that. Like, when we go visit relatives in Budapest and you'd sit down on the hard fucking kitchen wooden furniture and then, wah, you know, Tunde has his heart problems. And then, you know, Gabor has his problems. And I'm like, I don't want to fucking hear this. I don't want to hear any of your problems. Your problems make my dicks off, to quote my husband.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, and also, like, sometimes it's okay if the people are funny. Like, when you're with funny people and they bring up their problems, it's like, they're finding humor in it. But when it's just like, his heart's not working again. Like, we're just counting down the days until his heart gives out, like. And it's like, oh, you're worried that he might die and miss all this?

• 41:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  Like, you know, this, this awfulness, like, it's so fucking horrible.

• 41:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I know, kill me. Okay, here's Sarah. Are you ready?

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Oh, more ladies. I love this, yeah.

• 41:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's hot, hold on. Hi, my name is Sarah Edwards. IDOC is 133419. I'm looking for someone sober, a male, about in his mid 40s, who wants to get to know me. I'm really interesting to talk to and I'm really fucking funny. And, um, I have preboard in June or July and then I

• 41:40Speaker 04

  commission in September, so I'm thinking I'll probably out by September. Um, I'm looking forward to getting to know someone who wants to stay in contact with me. Thank you.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  I thought she was saying I have preboard, like the thing at the airport you need. I was like, oh, that's the worst. Yeah, yeah, I don't want to hear that.

• 41:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you don't like traveling. You don't want anything to do.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  It's the number one. If I give you my phone right now and give you the dating app and scroll through the first 10 girls, I guarantee you at least seven say their whole personality is traveling.

• 42:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is that?

• 42:09Speaker 02

  I don't understand. I hope you have, I hope you're ready to go. I hope I could work from anywhere and I hope I'm an adventure girl and I love this and I hope you're ready to. No, I'm not. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for any of that. And, and you know what? I felt that way for years and I haven't budged even a little bit. It just makes me angrier and angrier every time I see like, and I've gotten to the point where like I see a woman, I'm like, she's beautiful. I bet we would get along, but, but her number one thing is like, it's like an emoji of like a tree on a clump of sand. And it's like, I hope you're ready to go. I don't want to go. And like, your whole personality is getting away.

• 42:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Getting away from your life. So what's wrong with your life? And also who's paying for the traveling? Is she paying for the traveling? Does she expect you to pay for the traveling?

• 42:51Speaker 02

  And just sitting on planes?

• 42:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I've done it for fucking 20 years. It sucks.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Airports. All of it is like, well, like you just said, makes my dick soft. Like, like, oh, look, we're in the airport. Like, I get the same feeling being in an airport as I do when you're in a hospital.

• 43:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  Like when you're, as soon as you go through those doors and you're just like, huh, like I don't breathe as easy. Like the whole thing is just like, oh, like, oh, cause I like, you're getting on that plane, they're shutting that door. It's all.

• 43:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's terrible. And you're totally out of control. They don't give a shit if the plane comes or goes. They don't care about you and your life. They don't give a fuck.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  My OCD going through the roof.

• 43:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, me too. I can't, I can't take the lack of control. It bothers me. Okay. So what do you think she did?

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Ooh, um.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 43:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  See, I don't know, I'm just...

• 43:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, when you look at her...

• 43:40Speaker 02

  I don't think it's anything too bad.

• 43:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, because she seems so gentle. She seems like a first grade teacher. Like, she's so chill. She says she's got a good sense of humor.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  What did she do? I don't know. I don't think it's anything... It doesn't feel like it's anything that would really bother me too much. What'd she do?

• 43:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not. Controlled substance possession of.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  That's fine. She's just me and didn't get caught.

• 44:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  A thousand percent.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  She got caught. You know, it sucks. Yeah. But it's also like, if you're getting caught with drugs, you are doing something else. Like, what are you doing? Because who gets... Who just gets caught with drugs? Like, who's like, "Yo, I was walking... I was walking home yesterday. They fucking bagged me. Like, they knew it was in my pocket." Like, what are you doing?

• 44:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  To be caught? Like, what are you, in your car, doing? Like, why are you... I would love to know why they're caught.

• 44:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you should do drugs at home, or like...

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, or like, if you just have drugs on you, it's like, why would anyone know?

• 44:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's so true.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  All of my friends had drugs on them at all times when I was growing up in New York City. And once a year, somebody would get caught because they were doing something else.

• 44:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, just don't do anything else.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just stay home on your couch and do drugs.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's awesome. But I guess, maybe when you're doing those other drugs, like the meth and stuff, it forces you off the couch and out.

• 44:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true, because you're so motivated and inspired, you want to go and fuck shit up. That's why I would never touch those uppers, man.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  No, I was a big painkiller guy, where you just sit on your couch.

• 44:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's my jam, man.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  I forget if I told you, but like, the arm of my couch where I kept the ashtray was hard. Like, you could go... Because of years of just sitting there, playing... I would play online poker and smoke cigarettes and take painkillers. And when you ash, and like, if it would miss the thing, it would just land on the thing, and it just became rock hard. Like, and the... This arm of the couch was a totally different color than the other arm of the couch.

• 45:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's perfect. That's fucking perfect.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's so, so unattractive.

• 45:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I go down, too. I don't want to be up. I've already got enough anxiety in my life.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm always looking for things to calm me down. And that's what I...

• 45:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, me too.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  That's when a woman is like, "What are you looking for in a partner now?" I'm like, "Someone who could calm me down."

• 45:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  I don't want somebody who's gonna add pressure to my... You know, like, I'm not looking for... Like, there are people who, like, I have a friend... Dude, if I... It's so illegal that I don't know if I could even tell the story on this podcast, but my friend... I don't know if I could do it. I guess I can do it, right?

• 45:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, we'll just pull it out if we can't.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I don't know. Well, I don't know. He was, he was dating, he was dating a girl from another country.

• 46:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  And like basically, right before, like, Trump was coming in, the people in her country told her, like, if you, if you ever want to get to America, it's now or never.

• 46:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, smart.

• 46:14Speaker 02

  And she, and she did it. And like, the, and he's like, I'm addicted to the chaos she brings to my lifestyle. Like, I was talking to her in another country, and then all of a sudden, she was like, living on a boat near my house. Like, I just, I can't say too much because it's like, and, and he's like, I'm so addicted to this drama that she brings. I'm like, I couldn't be more opposite now. Like, I'm like, I don't even, I want someone who just brings nothing but like, calm and chill.

• 46:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hundred the same way. Like, Tom Segura is practically asleep, and I like that.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's gotta be.

• 46:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking, and sometimes I have to touch him, make sure he's still alive, and that brings me like, oh, thank God.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  When does he the most animated with you?

• 46:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  With me?

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Or like, you know, you see him the most. So like, when do you see him the most, like, wow, look at him, he's full of personality right now?

• 47:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll tell you, the only time, and in 20 years, that he's really been like, just over the moon, is when he was working on that movie this summer.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Really?

• 47:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  He would work, I mean, you know, you know, the days that are like 12, 14 hour days, come home, fully happy, fully energized, thrilled, best mood, and then that mood lasted for like a month after he wrapped. He was so happy to be an actor. I think he really loved to act.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  When I was doing Tom's Netflix show, I've never been more angry in the last 20 years. You hated acting. I remember being in the shower.

• 47:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're so good at it, true.

• 47:38Speaker 02

  Thank you. I remember being in the shower at like 5 a.m. one day, and just thinking about killing Tom. Like, in the shower. And when I saw him in the hair and makeup trailer, I said, you know what I did my whole shower this morning? I thought about different ways to kill you. And he loved it. He was like, I was like, I swear, it was the only thing getting me through. Like, my whole body gets sick when I have to set an alarm for like 4:45 a.m. I'm just not that, and I No, it's like you're spoiled, you're this. Yes, like I, I just, I can't, I can't do it. I'm not a fucking farmer. Like I can't wake up at four forty-five.

• 48:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it's not pleasant and I don't know if anybody's body ever really truly gets, I don't know, gets used to it. Cause when I was doing the road a lot and you'd have to take that first flight out from California to the east coast. And I would be up at like three thirty, four in the morning, get on that six AM or get across the country to like Connecticut. Fucking wake up the next morning to do radio at five AM and you do that for two days. And then, you know, it's such a grind and I always felt sick. I always felt like puking. You never quite rested and um, that's brutal. I have so much sympathy for garbage men who wake up at the butt fuck crack. Why, why do they have to collect garbage at, at that early? Why can't they just do it? Uh, why, why so early?

• 48:53Speaker 02

  I don't know, less traffic or something? I don't know.

• 48:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, is there, can you Google that? What is the utility?

• 48:59Speaker 02

  Cause that's the thing, it's like, I, I, I know people would be like, man, being a garbage man sucks. It's like, I don't, I don't mind like work. I don't mind doing work, but once you say like, you gotta be here at six AM. I, I full, I just like completely shut down. I, I can't do it.

• 49:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  To avoid rush hour traffic. That makes sure, yeah, which allows them to complete their routes faster. But what about?

• 49:19Speaker 02

  I'd rather work all day. I'd rather, I'd rather do a job, this is so dumb, I know. I'd rather do a job that took eight hours if I could wake up when I want than do something that took an hour if I had to wake up at five AM.

• 49:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I feel that.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  I just can't, I can't be like, I've talked about this before, but like in New York City, cab drivers used to be the angriest people in the world. And they're not anymore because they're Uber drivers now and they get to make their own schedule.

• 49:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 49:43Speaker 02

  So when you used to drive and you would get the uh, medallion or you had the car for eight hours. It was like, okay, if I get the car at noon to eight, I have to work from the second I get it until the second I'm done. Where now I talk to Uber drivers and they're like, oh, at three o'clock, I turn the meter off. I go pick up my son from school. I make them fucking lunch. I, I do that. I get to spend time with them and they're so much happier.

• 50:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 50:03Speaker 02

  That's, making your own schedule is fucking so important.

• 50:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I, that's the greatest luxury of all is to be able to manage your time the way you want it. Boy, is that a big privilege.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  Cause I'm also, but maybe it wouldn't bother me as much if I was somebody who could go to bed whenever they wanted. Like I know some people who were like, oh, if I gotta go to bed at eight, I go to bed at eight. I cannot go to bed before two AM.

• 50:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  No matter what, like you, uh, anything. And if I do like. Even when I wake up at four for, you know, working on Tom's show, doing whatever, within three days, I'm back to going to bed at 2 a.m.

• 50:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's your natural rhythm.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, my body, it's from when I was living in Vegas. Like, I think my body just got hooked on to that. Like, I, I used to go to bed at like 7, 8 a.m. every day.

• 50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not good for you. That can't be good for your body clocks.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  So bad. But I think the way I balanced it out was I would sleep for 16 hours.

• 50:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  You know, and then I would, I, I would never, I wouldn't be on a 24-hour clock when I lived in Vegas. Like, I would, let's say I woke up at noon, and then I went to bed at 8 a.m., and then I would wake up at 6 p.m. And like, I was just like, oh, I go to bed when I'm done, and I wake up when I'm done. Like, I don't even think about, it wasn't like a bed, there was no such thing as like, it's bedtime.

• 51:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, you run drugs.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  A lot.

• 51:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why you wanted to stay up too. You're like, oh, I'm fucking feeling good right now. Like, I don't want to go to bed.

• 51:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I will say, being a mother, the, the, the one thing that I really detested about having kids, I love having my kids, that waking up at the crack of dawn when they're little was the biggest, awfullest thing in the world. And now that they're old enough that I can go, I know you guys are gonna wake up at 6. Get on your iPads. I'll see you at 8. Just being able to tell them to fuck right off and get on their iPads. Go make yourself a bowl of cereal. Now parenting is like, it's a joy.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  But they still come in and wake you up?

• 51:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sometimes the little guy, he wants me to wake up and drink coffee and talk to him.

• 51:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  And sometimes I will. It depends, it depends. He's really, yeah, he's cute. He's, he's a good conversationalist. We have a good time. It just depends.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  We went to dinner in New York. You want to talk about, you want to talk about how I ruined our dinner in New York?

• 52:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, my kid or you?

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Uh, me. Your kids are great.

• 52:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're disgusting.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  I ruined your, you, you literally, you looked across the table at me, you said, don't ever do that again. You ruined my whole dinner.

• 52:23Speaker 02

  I got so much joy from that.

• 52:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's two part, there's two, because I don't even remember that one. I'm thinking of the one in the street. I don't know.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  I would go.

• 52:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  But I didn't know I was doing it. You're just like, you're talking and you're like, yeah.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  And you were like, you just ruined my whole dinner. I don't want, tell them not to bring me what I ordered. I don't want it.

• 52:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  So gross. It was so gross because you were getting over a cold. And you were sucking in the snot.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  It was just like I got to New York and like something wasn't right. But I wasn't sick. Like I felt great.

• 52:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That wasn't even the worst of it. So you're sucking in your snots during dinner. And I was like, this is revolting. And then we're walking, you're nice enough to walk my kids and I back to the hotel. And he's doing it again, sucking in the snot. And then he.

• 53:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  He spits on the floor like an old Chinese guy.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  That's what the street's for.

• 53:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you show, show me a clip of an old Chi- that's what the street is for?

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, you spit.

• 53:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  In, not in America, Jack, play it, play it. Do we have a Chinese guy spitting or horking? We can show him. So disgusting.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  Give me a bucket. I'll do it right here.

• 53:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, throw it out. There you are. Oh, they're spitting at each other.

• 53:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you are, Rob. It's you and your friend.

• 53:37Speaker 02

  That was wild. That's what you guys found? That's crazy. I thought they were kissing for a second.

• 53:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, right? Yeah, you're like an old Chinese guy spitting in the street. So fucking disgusting. So fucking disgusting.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  You really hated it. It really bothered you.

• 53:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like it.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  It made me laugh.

• 53:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're so stupid.

• 53:58Speaker 02

  And you were telling your kids, you're like, don't do what Rob is doing right now.

• 54:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. Hey, listen, Rob. You're an open-minded guy. You're into your health. Have you ever tried this? Have you ever tried horse milk?

• 54:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think horses make milk.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  See, this goes to the thing of like, would I rather her or the prison girl?

• 54:21Speaker 02

  I think I go with the prison girl.

• 54:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  The prison girl all day.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, unless she's doing this just because she thinks it's funny. Then that's, then, then maybe I go with her. But if she's doing it as like, oh no, I want to pass on like the knowledge I've learned on the farm.

• 54:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, dude. I don't know.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  But she's just doing like a gag. I just, I, I really struggle with the girls from prison stealing my money. You know, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I'd rather them like hurt me than take my money, you know? I'd rather be like, oh yeah, she fucking stabbed me.

• 54:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like horse milk.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  Cause I don't wanna have to go back to work. I don't wanna start having to wake up at 5 a.m. So it's like, please just don't take my money.

• 54:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please don't take my money. Yeah, I don't think horses make milk. I think that's jizz, right?

• 54:59Speaker 02

  No, I think maybe that...

• 55:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's no such thing as horse milk.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Oh, really? Cause I thought maybe it's like a pregnant woman horse or something.

• 55:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  People drink horse milk?

• 55:06Speaker 02

  People drink horse milk.

• 55:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 55:08Speaker 02

  Primarily fermented beverage called kumus.

• 55:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 55:12Speaker 02

  Arag.

• 55:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it's Central Asia, Russia. Well, yeah, there's not much else in fucking Russia, right? Central Asia. No thanks.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, do horse moms feed their young?

• 55:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, yeah.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  So then that's horse milk, right?

• 55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so then why don't we drink more horse milk and make horse cheese? If it's so fucking amazing.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Would you try horse cheese?

• 55:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll try anything once.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  You know what I really wanna do? And I haven't pulled the trigger yet because there's this guy on YouTube who I watch, who just, he works in like a cheese shop, and he just talks about like, "This is the cheese we got today," and he like cuts it open, he has such a passion for like the cheese, and then he has like butter and all this stuff. And remember how you guys had the water sommelier on?

• 55:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:54Speaker 02

  I wanna have the cheese guy on Not Today, pal, but I think, I don't know if people would, I think people might hate it, to just watch me and Jamie eat cheese for a half hour. But I wanna do it so bad, but I'm like, I just don't wanna bore people. But when you hear this guy talk, can you find, it's like Beverly Hills Cheese Shop. If you find this guy, he taught, it just, when somebody's so passionate...

• 56:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's just so stoked on his subject. I get it, when you're, that's why we loved Martin, the water sommelier, cause he was so passionate about it.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  So passionate. See, it's this guy, it's that, not that guy, the other guy. That first guy, yeah. He's the man. This guy, Alex? This cheese right here from Kizari Kraus.

• 56:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kizari.

• 56:37Speaker 02

  It's called Alex. It just feels his whole life as cheese. This is a super artisan Alpine. Kraus is known for being very... I want that slice. Very organic and very back to the land with their farming practices. Yeah.

• 56:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Put that cheese in my hand.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  This is a lovely, nutty, chocolatey, Alpine-style cheese. Ooh. That is going to go really nicely with white wine. I especially love this.

• 57:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Type of Alpine, white burgundy or any other Chardonnay that has a little bit of alcohol. Okay, I can't watch it. You know why?

• 57:07Speaker 02

  Could you imagine if I was dating a prison girl and she saw me watching this? She'd be like, what the fuck are you watching? I'm sorry, it's the cheese guy. I couldn't, yeah. Why don't you like it? Why don't you like it?

• 57:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what it is? For me, dairy is very personal and shameful. I eat cottage cheese in private because I don't like other people watching me. Dairy too, I'm very weird about public cheeses. Like, I know he's wearing his glove, but then he put the piece of cheese out in this dirt dirt bag, puts his open palm out, and he gets a palm full of cheese.

• 57:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not very sanitary. I don't know, cheese is mucus to me. It's like hard mucus, and I prefer to eat this privately. This is not a public thing.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  Cottage cheese, I understand, because cottage cheese is gross, but like that, I love, I find that like sexy. Yeah, a nice wheel of cheese, like a nice big wheel of parm. Oh, oh.

• 57:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think, you know, I'm, I'm sure you can just buy a big wheel. How much do you think that would cost to buy like?

• 58:03Speaker 02

  Shops. I've bought like giant pit things of cheese before.

• 58:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've boughten, boughten.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  Not a whole wheel.

• 58:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've boughten a wheel of cheese?

• 58:09Speaker 02

  I burglar'd.

• 58:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  You burgled?

• 58:11Speaker 02

  I burgled a whole.

• 58:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. You can buy a fucking hard thing?

• 58:16Speaker 02

  Five thousand dollar wheels of cheese.

• 58:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's bananas, dude.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Can you look up, yeah, how much is a wheel of parm?

• 58:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  A wheel?

• 58:22Speaker 02

  Parmigiano Reggiano, three thousand dollars. Yeah. Imagine you got that for someone for their birthday?

• 58:29Speaker 02

  If I showed up to your birthday party just carrying a big wheel of cheese, and I'm like, she's gonna love this.

• 58:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, because you know in the Italian restaurants, they put the pasta in there and then they cheese the pasta that way.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  I think those are fake Italian restaurants. I don't think real Italians would be okay with that.

• 58:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  In Italy? You don't think they do it that way?

• 58:47Speaker 02

  They could even do it in Italy, but I think it's like a tourist trap. I don't think real, genuine, like, I don't think Nona, I don't think Nona is throwing the thing in the wheel. Yeah.

• 58:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's okay. I like it. Mommy likes her stupid cheese.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  I think soft cheese is gross. I think hard cheese is dope.

• 59:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all disgusting. Cheese is all fucking gross.

• 59:05Speaker 02

  That parm looks sexy to me. You know what my favorite is? When you go to a good Italian restaurant and they give you free cheese when you, right when you sit down? Whoa, I'm like, this is class. It really is when you're like, this is free?

• 59:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Free.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Just like fucking, oh my god. And they're like, yeah, if you want more, we'll bring it like.

• 59:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's when I'm really.

• 59:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  I'm at my peak.

• 59:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you know, when I get really like excited is when they give you butter, but it's got salt on it.

• 59:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then you're like, wait, this is free? Like, that's fancy butter. Or when it's like, it's got like chives or some shit in there and you're like, whoa, dude, this isn't regular butter. They took time.

• 59:41Speaker 02

  And then now that there's YouTube, you could watch people make that kind of butter on, and you're like, oh, that's so easy. I thought it would.

• 59:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 59:46Speaker 02

  They take the butter, they put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. They, they, they put like the stuff in it, mix it around and put it back in the fridge.

• 59:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 59:54Speaker 02

  It's like infused butter, but it seems brilliant.

• 59:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro, I've learned so much from TikTok. Like I learned how to make full Korean food. I've learned how to draw. I've learned how to do like a paper mache. Yeah, you can fucking learn anything now on TikTok.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  Do you watch, like what type of people do you watch? Like who do you like to learn from?

• 1:00:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, the experts, obviously.

• 1:00:14Speaker 02

  But is there anything that you're drawn towards? Like, like men, women, Asian? Like what do you, what do you feel comfortable learning from?

• 1:00:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's really interesting. That's wow. I never thought about that, but that's true.

• 1:00:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because we all have a bias towards, I, I really feel like Asian men know what's up.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they're calm.

• 1:00:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're calm, they're knowledgeable. And I also, whenever there's an Asian man talking, I listen. Now, I'm also racist when it comes to my doctors.

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  You want Indian?

• 1:00:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  How'd you know?

• 1:00:47Speaker 02

  Cause they're the best, right?

• 1:00:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're the best.

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think Jewish doctors are good too, right?

• 1:00:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jewishes and Indians.

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  Indian, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But when I was sick with the, the chesticular cancer, it was all Indians.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:00:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  Did you have to kick any non-Indians out?

• 1:01:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I wouldn't even go visit like a non-ethnic.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  But did they ever try and bring one in the room and you were like?

• 1:01:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  In the tombo, you're like, no, no, no. Yeah, sorry.

• 1:01:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I wish. That'd be funny. So who do you trust most with your information?

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't know if it's a trusting, but I do need somebody who's like calm. Like I need somebody who is like calm. Or there's this guy I watch who does like a financial thing. If you ever watch him and he has like, he's an Asian guy, but he has like a real attitude where he's like, like he's like, you don't know that. Like, you know, his name is Clear Value Tax. If you want to look him up and he just talks about like the stock market and he'll be like, he's like, all right, the jobs report is out today. Uh, and he's like angry and it makes me laugh, but also like gives you, and I like that, but, but I need somebody who's like very chill and like calm and not gonna, yeah.

• 1:01:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that him?

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  This guy. Yeah.

• 1:01:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  How to build wealth faster. Even smart people miss this. I love that.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  He wears like nice suits and stuff, but he just, if you, if you just play like five seconds of a clip, if you see that he does like annoyed right off the bat.

• 1:02:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  In today's video. Yeah. I want to talk to you about financial opportunities that can fast track your wealth.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's already, the demeanor is like, come on, you fucking dummies.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. And him I like because it, it, I'm never bored watching him. Where other people, you just feel like you're learning. Where with him, I'm like, I can't wait to see what pisses him off.

• 1:02:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And I'll tell you who I don't like to learn paper mache-ing from is, is really slow talking, older white women who are in their craft corner. I'm like, I don't want to hear this, Martha. It's going to take you fucking way too long to get the thought out. I like to, now, now, now, now, now. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Give me the information.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  What, what is, you, you paper mache now?

• 1:02:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do everything.

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  What is? What is, what is paper mache-ing? I don't even know. I'm not even confident.

• 1:02:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now that I'm an artist, I've, I've sold art. I draw, I do pastels, oil pastels. And now I started, uh, you know, fucking, what's this shit called? Molding?

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  Origami?

• 1:02:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Clay-ing, clay molding. Yeah. I make stupid shit like this, paper mache.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  See mommy, I gotta tell you, when you were, when you were like drawing and doing your stuff, I was very supportive and I really liked it. I don't like, I don't like this. This is, this is like dirty to me. When you start keeping these things in your house, you become dirty. Like in a year from now, they're going to be like covered in dust. and gross and I don't want you doing that.

• 1:03:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you something? You're not wrong.

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  I don't like this.

• 1:03:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm all I'm already upset with myself because I've bought mannequins from Amazon. I'm putting paper mache on mannequins.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  And it's like wet. You have to use like wet. Stop this.

• 1:03:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree.

• 1:03:33Speaker 02

  Do a different thing.

• 1:03:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna throw out the mannequins and I'm just gonna go back to drawing and and painting.

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  Very cool when you were doing that.

• 1:03:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's awesome. Like that's respectful. This is like, this is like, this is like dirt. Yeah, I feel like I think the homeless people in New York City used to do this. They used to paper mache.

• 1:03:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love paper macheing though. It is fun. It's really fun.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  This really, this puts like a sour, this is like being at the airport for me. I don't like this. It really makes me upset and none of them are good.

• 1:04:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's because these are like the bullshit ones. Like if you get on TikTok and you really fucking look up some paper mache stuff like these bitches can make some really incredible pieces of art, but.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't.

• 1:04:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I agree. It's kind of like, it's annoying. It's too messy.

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  The wedding, the wedding, like what do you, what are you collecting newspapers to do this?

• 1:04:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. I collect, and I was, and I was. I was like, don't throw out the Amazon packaging. I'm gonna make some paper mache.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  Let me save you right now. You're done with this. You're gonna go home today or call, if you have somebody working at your house right now, like a nanny, call them now and tell them throw it all out. So when you get home, you don't even have to think about it. Cause I don't, I don't want you doing this. I don't like this.

• 1:04:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and Tom.

• 1:04:37Speaker 02

  You were doing your, you, you had your gardening, you got your cat. I'm supportive of all of it. This is no good for you.

• 1:04:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm in, it's my era of hobbies, Rob. I gotta stay home now.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  This one. I'm fine with all your other hobbies. I think they're awesome. When you were making your goth room in your house, you showed me the bad hanging. Awesome. But thi- this is really lame.

• 1:04:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Well, can I tell you something? I'm gonna listen to your advice because right now in my bedroom, Tom's been gone for two weeks. I've got boxes of, right by the door of bullshit. Boxes, like I said, the mannequins, there's a, there's a mannequin in a box. I have.

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  This is what, this is what attracts mice. My grandpa used to say, when he didn't like something you were doing, he'd be like, that's how the mice come. And you're like, alright, I'm done. No, they love like cardboard and paper. You gotta stop. They're gonna find like, remember when they cleared out?

• 1:05:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna fucking, I'm, I'm throwing it out now.

• 1:05:25Speaker 02

  Remember when they cleared out the like Venice tents and they found like rat nests on their, that's what they're gonna find in your, in your room. You can't do that, mommy.

• 1:05:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It really makes me miss that show, Hoarders. Remember? That was so good.

• 1:05:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, Hoarders is fucking class.

• 1:05:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  The, the key to being a hoarder is that you have to be willing to live in your own feces. You have to live in shit, because that's all they, they live in, like, rat shit, their own shit. There's just shit everywhere.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  See, I love the people who like, would have to climb through their place to like, find stuff. But as soon as somebody was like, "I shit in a bucket," and I was done. I can't, I can't, then you're just a fucking, you're, it just became not.

• 1:06:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I remember, like, you're, the stages, there was different types. If you had pathways to things, you were like, a contained hoarder. Like, if there were still pathways, you were okay.

• 1:06:13Speaker 02

  I remember some of them, they found dead cats when they were moving their stuff.

• 1:06:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Seventy-five of them, seventy-five of them, I remember that.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Skeletons. Mommy, no paper mache for you.

• 1:06:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm doing it anyway.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  I think the first step to this is paper macheing. This is horrible.

• 1:06:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I can make a pumpkin for Halloween!

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, that has, and then you're like, you can't throw these out, because, and it's like, they're garbage, stop it.

• 1:06:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm doing. And I'm, I'm convincing myself that the kids are gonna paint the paper mache pumpkin I made. Guess what? I made that pumpkin a month ago. Nobody's fucking painted it.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  Anything. Let me save you here. I'm very supportive of all your hobbies. I get, I get to, uh, what do you call it? Cancel one. I could, just, please, this is, that's horrible. Paper macheing. This is, you're like dipping newspapers in.

• 1:06:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, is that a deal breaker if you were to date a new lady?

• 1:06:54Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 1:06:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Paper mache!

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  If on her dating profile, she's like, "Oh, my free time, I like to paper mache," done. X. Swipe left. I can't do it. Horrible.

• 1:07:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about, what about a urine drinker? Hold on, she drinks it for health.

• 1:07:08Speaker 02

  Is this an either-or thing? Paper mache or urine drinking?

• 1:07:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this is a separate thing.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  A separate thing? Then no. But if I have to choose paper mache or drink urine, like, maybe she's like, on the cutting edge of something with the urine.

• 1:07:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you have to kiss her. French kiss her.

• 1:07:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because honestly-

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  But she's hot!

• 1:07:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, but I was thinking about this with, with Tim. Like, what if Tom, now in his health craze, in addition to the sauna, the cold plunge, he's like, "You know what? Babe, you gotta drink your own urine." And he starts drinking his piss, and I'm like, "Yeah, I gotta fucking kiss that mouth."

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  But is he making you drink yours, or he's just drinking his and he doesn't care what you do? Then, then, I don't think that would bother you after two weeks. I think you'd forget all about it.

• 1:07:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then you have to kiss his, I kiss his mouth!

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  And so what?

• 1:07:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the beard's gonna smell like piss? And everything's in the beard.

• 1:07:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess. I'll clean the beard.

• 1:07:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, what about, what about if this girl is a, a free bleeder? Like one of these period advocates, you know, these chicks and they're like, "I'm not gonna be confined by Kotex, I'm gonna just bleed on my pants and stuff."

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  I dated a girl who tried using like a cup or I was like, "I don't want any part of this." I was done. As soon as she said there was a cup inside of her, I was like, "I'm just, I'm out." Again, I'm not like feening for a relationship, so as soon as I don't like, you know, I'm just like, I'm not somebody who's like, "Why am I not in a relationship?" I fully know why. Cause I'm like, I like being alone and I have to find somebody who it's better than being alone.

• 1:08:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  And why, hey, and, and the older and crazier you get, I, I agree. This thought of yours is not wrong, my friend.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  And by the way, I don't go like, "I can do all this stuff, you can't." Like if I said I have a cup in my ass and you were like, "I'm out," I'd be like, "Yeah."

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:08:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait a minute, hold on. If you could theoretically put a period cup in, in your vagina to catch the blood, can't you do a diarrhea cup?

• 1:08:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  For your butt?

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  But diarrhea is so much.

• 1:08:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  So what? It's okay, well, menstrual blood, you can put a big bucket in there. You could put a-

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  A big bucket in your ass?

• 1:09:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  You could put like a, like a long condomy length. Can't you put something in there?

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  I would rather just diarrhea.

• 1:09:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. I'm surprised nobody's invented this.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  I, well, I think it's insane. Yeah. I, I think you'd sell one. Yeah. I don't know. You, you wouldn't be able to pay for the molding. Once you made one and somebody, you know, who's gonna buy, it's horrible. I, I could never.

• 1:09:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, well.

• 1:09:24Speaker 02

  Cause think about it.

• 1:09:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tried.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  You, you would, now you have this overflowing thing of diarrhea, you have to pull out and clean and it's, it's just too, just diarrhea.

• 1:09:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get so nervous about leaving the house. For a while, I-

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  When you have diarrhea, you're saying?

• 1:09:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like, I, there was like a time in my life where I had really bad phobia of vomiting and I would, this is like in my twenties, I was so anxious and when I get anxious, I get the OCDs. And I was like, I'd count the hours after I'd eat stuff. So I'd be like, "Okay, I have four hours, I don't have food poisoning, I'm not gonna vomit." And it got so bad that I was like, "Oh, God, I just ate something, I can't get on the freeway." Like I can't get on the freeway in LA, cause what if I'm stuck in traffic and then I'll get diarrhea? You know what I mean? Like there has to be a solution for diarrhea on the run.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  But it was, it was throwing up you were worried about or diarrhea?

• 1:10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Both, both. Then it, then it went to diarrhea. But why is there no solution for diarrhea? There needs to be like a diarrhea diaper, there has to be something.

• 1:10:17Speaker 02

  I think it's just a diaper. I think a diaper is a diarrhea diaper, right? Like, little kids are always shitting.

• 1:10:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 1:10:23Speaker 02

  Like, yeah, I think, just wear a diaper if you want.

• 1:10:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. You know, it's just had a Pajitski effect. Like, I didn't think I could wear a diaper for anything other than pissing in. And now you're telling me I could diarrhea in it as well.

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, there's only one other thing you could also do that.

• 1:10:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  Pooping, yeah.

• 1:10:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  You could poop in a diaper.

• 1:10:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that crazy how your brain gets stuck in one place? And you're like, but I can't, this thing is for this thing only. Like, I came to, you were texting the other day about you had one. And then, and then I was like, yeah, I had this epiphany that I can listen to Christmas music any time of the year.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:10:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not just relegated to December.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  But then, does it still make it, like, as good when December comes around?

• 1:11:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because I want to listen to it more. I love it.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:11:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now I listen to it all the time.

• 1:11:08Speaker 02

  But do you have it mixed in with, like, other songs? Or is it like, no, it's Christmas or...

• 1:11:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a specific, I'm like an autistic where I listen to the same

• 1:11:15Speaker 02

  Same.

• 1:11:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  music. There's no deviation. My kids tell you exactly what I listen to all. It's the same fucking thing. Wait, no, tell them, tell them your Pajitski effect.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  So I had two in the same spot. So it was when I was doing, like, my dishes or washing my hands in the kitchen sink, I would get water everywhere. Like, every time. And it was like, oh, I got, and then it would, like, leave stains sometime of, like, trailing on the counter, like, the water. And I'm like, oh, I forgot to, like, wipe it up. Or it was a, and then I realized, I'm like, oh, I don't have to put the water on full blast. Like, I could just put the faucet on halfway.

• 1:11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 1:11:47Speaker 02

  But, but now, I, like, I realized that, and I still, every time I put the faucet on, I go full blast. And then the water's going on, and I'm like, oh, I can, I could turn it halfway down. And then the other thing was, I have, so I have my bathroom sink, and that's where I have a soap dispenser, and I keep the soap refill under there. So I fill it up, whatever. But I also have a soap thing in my kitchen, uh, on my kitchen sink. But sometimes that would get empty, and I'd be like, I gotta go fill it up. And I'd be like, I don't feel like filling it up right now. So I would just wait, and then I'd be, like, cooking later in the day, and I'd be like, oh, I didn't fill it up, and now I can't wash my hands with this whole thing. But I realized I could buy another soap refill and put that under my kitchen sink.

• 1:12:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:24Speaker 02

  So then I could just fill it up.

• 1:12:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anytime.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anytime.

• 1:12:28Speaker 02

  And by the way, my bathroom is... 20 feet away, I just go, I don't want to do it. I'm like, I can't go in the bathroom and get the thing, you know, I'm like, fuck it. And then I just have an empty soap thing for days. But now I'm like, oh no, I could keep one under here and it's changed my whole life.

• 1:12:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, this is stupid, you're like, I could just do that thing and now I'm so fucking retarded.

• 1:12:46Speaker 02

  So dumb, I'm like, wow, this is really nice.

• 1:12:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you know what I just figured out too?

• 1:12:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I wash my hair and my hair is wet and my body's wet, I get out of the shower. I can bring two towels, one for my hair, one for my body.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a life-changing moment. It really is. That happened to me when I was like 30. And I did it and I was like, wait a minute, I was like, I could just wrap, instead of being naked while I dry my hair and like cold.

• 1:13:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  And cold's dripping.

• 1:13:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm like, oh, I can just fucking wrap this around my waist and then dry my body, dry everything else with this towel. It's very nice.

• 1:13:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Two towels.

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, game changer, for sure.

• 1:13:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, who are we? Rockefeller's? Okay, let's, uh, let's time for, for, uh, for TikTok, hold on, you know what we haven't done in a long time?

• 1:13:36Speaker 02

  Do you like being on that side of the table?

• 1:13:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  No?

• 1:13:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, sometimes I-

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  You like just chilling?

• 1:13:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's what I do, oh shit.

• 1:13:43Speaker 02

  Oh, we're back, yeah, let's start over.

• 1:13:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's what I do like, is that I get to be in charge of what we listen to. And, uh, this is my favorite.

• 1:13:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this.

• 1:13:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shout out to Humor Mitch, you know what I'm saying? Sixter, hell yeah, you know what I'm saying, mutual homie, good motherfucker. I just love you know what I'm saying. Okay, anyway.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  By the way, if you want it, I have a great throw-up story.

• 1:14:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, thanks, I'm good.

• 1:14:12Speaker 02

  I tried, guys.

• 1:14:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't want to. I'm gonna do immersion therapy next to try to get over it.

• 1:14:17Speaker 02

  How do you do that with vomit?

• 1:14:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you watch a million videos of people puking over and over to get, becomes desensitized. It's like stand-up, like the first seven years, you're anxious, you're nervous. And then by year 10, you're like, I don't give a shit anymore, I'm over myself.

• 1:14:33Speaker 02

  But some people say that never goes away, like some people say they blackout every time they go and like do stand-up. People do it for years.

• 1:14:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're not professionals, there's no way, like someone-

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  I won't name who says that all the time, but they seem to be professionals. Uh, I know people who have been doing it for a very long time, whose podcasts I listen to, who are like, "Yeah, I just totally fucking blackout." Like, I, like, when you're getting, when you're going out. But they're like, 10 minutes before, "I'm fine." But then it's like, right when you get up there, it's like, "Uh," like, you know?

• 1:14:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:58Speaker 02

  Or like, one, one, you say like, one thing that doesn't go the way you want, and then it's like, "Uh," and then you're like, "I just blackout."

• 1:15:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's rookie shit.

• 1:15:04Speaker 02

  You're a pro, mom.

• 1:15:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not 20 years. That, that does happen, though, and don't get me wrong. Yeah, the, the, all that stuff happens, but you learn how to, whatever, deal with it. I don't know, maybe it's because I don't give a shit anymore about.

• 1:15:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's, it's more of a life thing than a professional stand. I think you get to a point in life where you go, "I don't fucking care." Like, "What are these people not gonna laugh?" That's fine.

• 1:15:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, sucked my dick. I almost died this year, last year. Okay.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:15:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You ready for my talks?

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  As we know, as you know, if you don't know, I like to showcase the marginalized communities of TikTok. Here we go.

• 1:15:40Speaker 02

  You're gonna be shocked what I have to say about this.

• 1:15:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, did you get enough of that flavor? Go ahead.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  I could date.

• 1:15:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  No!

• 1:15:51Speaker 02

  You wanna know why?

• 1:15:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  Because I know she can go in the garage and do her own thing for like, 8 hours. I know it. She's not gonna be like, "What are we doing? What do you wanna do? Hey, are you wanna go for a thi-" She's just gonna be, I'm just gonna be fucking watching, watching your mom's house on the couch, and I'm gonna hear "tak, tak, tak, tak." And I know she's, she's alright. I kinda like this. Yeah, you gotta find a lady who has her own hobbies that are not paper mache.

• 1:16:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, I got you, but what about this? When she's like, "Rob, you gotta hear my new song." And then it's fucking...

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. I'll be like, "Hell yeah, babe, keep it up."

• 1:16:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hours and hours.

• 1:16:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll be like, "I, I, I want you to do that, but I need like, a 15-minute rendition of it. Get back in the garage."

• 1:16:31Speaker 02

  Go ahead, you master that shit. Look at her, she's in her fucking, she's in her bliss.

• 1:16:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's great.

• 1:16:36Speaker 02

  So happy. She's gonna come in in a great mood.

• 1:16:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:16:38Speaker 02

  I'm telling you, this is my kinda gal.

• 1:16:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's got, she's got a thing. That's all you need in life, is a hobby, a thing. Now, here's the good news for you, and for everybody listening, watching. She sells tickets to live performances. You can pay to see this woman, uh, play various things, like clackers, or spoons, or, or what have you. And, yeah, she charges.

• 1:16:57Speaker 02

  And just like that, our relationship fell apart. Because if she's making me go to any one of her shows, I'm out.

• 1:17:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, you gotta support. You gotta be supportive. Don't you wanna be supportive?

• 1:17:06Speaker 02

  No, I'll be supportive in other ways. I'm not gonna watch her go play that little plastic piano onstage in front of other people and have to pretend like she did good.

• 1:17:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what's so funny is that even, you know, someone asked me the other day, "Are you coming to Tom's special taping in November?" And I was like, "Nope. No fucking way. No, we don't watch each other." Okay, here we go.

• 1:17:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is going through TSA with my reborn baby, part two. So this woman essentially is carrying a newborn doll, and she's in a wheelchair. Maybe she has a broken leg. She's pretending that the doll is real, and she's got two dogs with her as well. So she's already, there's a lot going on.

• 1:17:53Speaker 02

  She should be on a no-fly list. She shouldn't be allowed to fly. She's crazy.

• 1:18:01Speaker 02

  That's it. Problem solved. Terrorist.

• 1:18:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also, I do know for a fact, those are not fucking, uh, uh, uh, what are they called?

• 1:18:07Speaker 02

  Service dogs?

• 1:18:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they're not fucking service dogs.

• 1:18:09Speaker 02

  Of course not. None of them are.

• 1:18:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody's. Yeah. Those are just pets, you dumb bitch. We know that. Okay? We fucking know. Yeah. Stupid, real newborn baby. Reborn baby. These are women that have never had newborns. Once you've had one, you're like, "I'm good. I don't ever need to do that again." That was so traumatizing.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  Or you just want one that shuts up all day. Like, that's gotta be... She just wants to feel that thing that's like on her and needs her, but doesn't actually... What, is that a thing? Like, reborn babies? Like, is that a thing that people are into now?

• 1:18:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. It's on TikTok, and you can buy them, and they're very lifelike, and they weigh what normal babies weigh and stuff, and it's terrifying.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  If I saw her getting on the plane with... This is why I hate airports, and I hate this stuff, because this is who... You're a problem. You're a real problem to me. You interfere with my entire life.

• 1:18:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, with the two dogs already, like, she's got two do... How are you getting on the plane with two dogs?

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  There's nothing, there's nothing about her that I go, "Well, at least this."

• 1:19:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, nothing redeeming it.

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  I hate it all.

• 1:19:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she sucks.

• 1:19:08Speaker 02

  Instead of praying with your hands, you can also pray with one hand and one foot, or with two hands and feet. This way, you have not... Only parade, but also stretch your toes. And don't forget to walk barefoot and to wear barefoot shoes. Can I tell you, I just bought toe separators from Amazon.

• 1:19:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good for you.

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  Well, I, I, I like to walk a lot. I get at least 10,000 steps a day. And one of my toes started going underneath one of my other toes and creating like a callus.

• 1:19:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa.

• 1:19:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. So I was like, well, I think I need like, I was like, are toe separators a thing? And I went on Amazon and they're a big thing. So like, I think I'm going to sleep with my right foot with toe separators on from now on.

• 1:19:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or you could see a doctor.

• 1:19:47Speaker 02

  Well, he's just going to tell me that I gotta separate my toes.

• 1:19:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think so?

• 1:19:50Speaker 02

  What else is he gonna do? Stop walking?

• 1:19:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, but maybe give you like a splint to straighten it out or something to wear.

• 1:19:57Speaker 02

  That's what a toe separator is.

• 1:19:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're right.

• 1:19:59Speaker 02

  Right?

• 1:20:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, Rob, just keep doing what you're doing.

• 1:20:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't need a toe.

• 1:20:02Speaker 02

  I'm doing great.

• 1:20:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your toe is turning into a callus.

• 1:20:07Speaker 02

  You're doing good, man.

• 1:20:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're doing good.

• 1:20:09Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:20:11Tom Segura?

  Yo, what's up, guys? We're here at 4 a.m. in the morning and nobody's here. It's awesome. No one's here at the gym. It's so awesome, dude. I was here yesterday at 5 a.m.

• 1:20:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:23Tom Segura?

  But there's people here. So I was like, you know what?

• 1:20:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:26Tom Segura?

  I'm gonna go at 4 a.m. I'm gonna hit the gym. No excuses. Get it. There's no excuses.

• 1:20:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  No excuses.

• 1:20:34Tom Segura?

  Come on, let's go. 4 a.m. Let's go.

• 1:20:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like Mark Wahlberg.

• 1:20:37Tom Segura?

  No excuses.

• 1:20:38Speaker 02

  He's Mark Wahlberg, a clown, and Uncle Junior from Sopranos, all mixed in one. Can you, can you look up Uncle Junior from Sopranos with glasses? That's, that's, that's what he's wearing. Yeah.

• 1:20:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  He totally has those.

• 1:20:50Speaker 02

  You know what's so confusing about the, there you go. Yeah, he's Uncle, Uncle Clown. You know what's so confusing to me about this guy is you would think somebody who does that to themselves loves attention. So why would he want to be in the gym alone?

• 1:21:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I was wondering. Like, is he doing it so people don't stare at his face? Cause he's covered in face tattoos?

• 1:21:09Speaker 02

  But then the whole reason people do that is because they want attention, don't they?

• 1:21:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. You know, I do think you start at.

• 1:21:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I have a feeling when he was on-

• 1:21:17Speaker 02

  Sorry, was that too loud for you?

• 1:21:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  When he was on methamphetamine in his twenties, like, this was a great idea. And now that he's forty, and he's not on the meth anymore? It's like, what do you do? You can't have all that lasered off, right?

• 1:21:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like the, he's like the finance guy. He's like, "Oh yeah, I'm in the gym with the tattoos today. Everybody, everybody wants to look at me." Ah, he's over it, you know?

• 1:21:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, at least he's working out. Oh, here we go.

• 1:21:45Speaker 03

  Our baby up next, we have an open support martial arts creative-

• 1:21:49Speaker 02

  Ugh!

• 1:21:49Speaker 03

  -one for one. It's Nicholas Kajia. Ugh! Front roll, back roll.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 1:21:57Speaker 03

  Excellent agility. Here at the American Internationals in Atlantic City-

• 1:22:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think?

• 1:22:04Speaker 03

  At Harraz Casino and Resort.

• 1:22:06Speaker 02

  Harraz?

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  You say Harraz Casino?

• 1:22:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  He did.

• 1:22:13Speaker 02

  Wow! Harraz Casino.

• 1:22:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've done that place, not-

• 1:22:19Speaker 02

  Harraz Casino? I've never, I've spent more time in casinos than anyone you'll probably ever have on this show. I've not heard, I've, I've stayed at Harraz for months at a time. I've never heard one person say Harraz Casino. That is brilliant.

• 1:22:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's reporting from Harraz Casino.

• 1:22:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm like, is that the Middle East? That's what I thought he was like. And then I realized he's saying Harraz?

• 1:22:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they never told him, like, the name of the hotel.

• 1:22:46Speaker 02

  I wonder what he calls Caesars?

• 1:22:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Caesars. Kezars?

• 1:22:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I mean, yeah.

• 1:22:53Speaker 02

  By, by the way, this guy's a black belt? Come on.

• 1:22:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's amazing. What's wrong with you? You've never seen agility like that before?

• 1:22:58Speaker 02

  I think he's a white belt.

• 1:22:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:23:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, he's good, great, great. He's moving around the mat, great. He's doing, he's calling all the right stuff, but I don't think he's a black belt.

• 1:23:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:23:07Speaker 02

  I think black belt backflips are a little-

• 1:23:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, well, you know what? Harraz Harraz. I think he's a black belt.

• 1:23:12Speaker 02

  You say Harraz?

• 1:23:13Speaker 04

  I haven't had anyone buy one from me, actually. I've just made a few of them, but this is pretty. I like this one.

• 1:23:19Speaker 02

  This is what you're doing with the paper mache. This is you right here. I see no difference between her and you.

• 1:23:25Speaker 04

  Oh, I like it. I'm gonna keep it for my display. Got my vendor bin.

• 1:23:32Speaker 02

  So, please tell me that's eggplant.

• 1:23:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's her placenta.

• 1:23:36Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:23:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Display, a placenta dream catcher. Which is cool, cuz dream catchers, they're not usually made out of organic materials and.

• 1:23:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Trying to find the positive.

• 1:23:49Speaker 02

  It's so, like, there's just nothing about, I don't, she's even using, like, is that a medical pad or like a wee wee pad that she's making it on?

• 1:23:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, right, it's a wee wee pad.

• 1:23:58Speaker 02

  Ugh, just all of this is horrible.

• 1:23:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you keep the placenta from getting rotten and smelly?

• 1:24:04Speaker 02

  I don't like any of, I don't like any of this.

• 1:24:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe if she'll lac it, or, you know, lac it.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  You know what else I see people like this doing? They use like their kitchen scissors to do everything.

• 1:24:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:12Speaker 02

  Like, they open an Amazon package.

• 1:24:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do that.

• 1:24:14Speaker 02

  They make a fucking placenta sandwich, or whatever she's doing, and then they cut like the chicken pack open. That is, this mommy, that is so disgusting. That is so disgusting. That bothers me so much.

• 1:24:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got it.

• 1:24:28Speaker 02

  It's so gross. So you use your kitchen scissors to open Amazon packages?

• 1:24:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do, you know why?

• 1:24:32Speaker 02

  You're an animal.

• 1:24:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know why?

• 1:24:33Speaker 02

  You're an animal.

• 1:24:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cuz they're sharp, they're nice and sharp and they work fast.

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  All scissors are sharp.

• 1:24:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not, not as sharp as the kitchen scissors.

• 1:24:39Speaker 02

  Mommy, this is the whole Pajitski effect. You can get two scissors.

• 1:24:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Next you're gonna tell me that I shouldn't be wiping my hands on my pants, which I do, and now I've upgraded.

• 1:24:50Speaker 02

  I'm fine with that.

• 1:24:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  To napkin dress. There's a dress that I have that I wipe my hands on.

• 1:24:54Speaker 02

  You and Tom had me over for dinner and you made chicken for me, and now I know you cut the chicken.

• 1:24:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:58Speaker 02

  Packages with your fucking Amazon box scissors, and it's disgusting.

• 1:25:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're welcome.

• 1:25:02Speaker 02

  You should be ashamed of yourself. I can't believe you did that.

• 1:25:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, here you go.

• 1:25:06Speaker 05

  I want you to produce me some cabbage, carrots, and corn. I want you to produce me some green beans. I want you to produce me some lettuce. I want you to produce me some produce.

• 1:25:19Speaker 05

  I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some spinach.

• 1:25:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think is?

• 1:25:31Speaker 05

  I want you to produce me all the vegetables.

• 1:25:33Speaker 02

  OCD?

• 1:25:34Speaker 05

  Required for a healthy diet.

• 1:25:38Speaker 05

  I want you to produce me some produce.

• 1:25:40Speaker 02

  Who's he talking to?

• 1:25:41Speaker 05

  I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to-

• 1:25:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what it is? Is it that he figured out that the word produce and produce, it's spelled the same, but it's like Harrah's Harrah's? Like, do you think that he's like, "Oh, I get it. The word produce, produce, it's the same word, but it's not."

• 1:25:57Speaker 02

  I want you to produce me some produce.

• 1:25:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he thought it was funny and now he's just like-

• 1:26:01Speaker 05

  Produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce.

• 1:26:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  He just keeps going and going.

• 1:26:10Speaker 02

  I like him. See, this is, this is a look into his head. Like, my head has the things that go on all day.

• 1:26:15Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:26:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please.

• 1:26:17Speaker 05

  Please.

• 1:26:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:18Speaker 05

  I want you to produce me some produce.

• 1:26:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's still going!

• 1:26:20Speaker 02

  What else is his, what else is his feed like? Like, what is he like?

• 1:26:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't wanna know.

• 1:26:25Speaker 02

  I kinda, I don't know. I'm really interested in what else he does.

• 1:26:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. Let's keep going.

• 1:26:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, these people were having dinner in the air and one of the harnesses broke. Do you like to travel?

• 1:26:38Speaker 02

  Can I tell you?

• 1:26:41Speaker 02

  I have no... I have no feeling for when bad things happen to people like this.

• 1:26:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  So these people are like, this looks like it's in Florida, maybe in Miami? And they're up in like a crane? And it's a bar in the sky, and then of course, one of the harnesses breaks. Oh, Lord, it's happening! Oh!

• 1:26:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:27:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is terrifying.

• 1:27:02Speaker 04

  So we start raising, you know, we're excited, I'm recording, um... You know, everything kinda felt fine, and then as we're going up, it started shaking a little bit. It was like, whoa, wait, why is it shaking? And then, when we got all the way to the top, it's big, and then when the rope popped, we tilted, started spinning, thing on the wall, we're screaming, gra- glass and bottles were flying everywhere, a girl's nose got busted, even the workers were crying and ducking down and trying to hide and... And then, um, they finally like lowering us down, lowering us down, and then when we finally got to the ground, like, it, it like hit, like, the ground, 'cause the-

• 1:27:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It hit like the ground.

• 1:27:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  They were lowering us and lowering us.

• 1:27:49Speaker 02

  Can I tell you, this is the problem with dating. Women wanna do things just to do things.

• 1:27:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:55Speaker 02

  They, they just can't sit still. That's why the girl in the garage doing the fucking knick knack paddywhack. I'm like, I, I could see, I, cause I know she's all right. She's not gonna go, hey, there's a restaurant that just opened on a crane down the street. You wanna go? I'll be like, go in the garage and spin your shit around. You love that, you know? Where this is like, this is what they make you do when you're dating. They go, oh my God, did you hear about the crane?

• 1:28:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so novel.

• 1:28:16Speaker 02

  Bar?

• 1:28:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:17Speaker 02

  No, I, I never wanted to hear about it. Yeah. And it's the op, it's like, they want, it's like, you know what made me the most angry? Like right after COVID, when like, it was okay to like really fly again. They were doing flights to nowhere for people who loved flying and missed it during COVID. So you could get on a flight here at Austin Airport, fly around and it just comes back to, and people were like cheering on the plane like, yes, we love. Fly, and that's what these people do. It's like, you can't sit still. Like you can literally leave this room right now and come back in 48 hours and you'd be like, hey, I'd be like, what's up? I don't need restaurants in the sky. Like I don't, just chill.

• 1:28:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I think too, I'm really averse to manufactured fun like this too, where you're like.

• 1:28:59Speaker 02

  I hate it.

• 1:28:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I really hate? Oh my God. And it, it is my nightmare. You'll see it in places like Nashville, mostly like these bridal capitals. It's where they, it's a pedal bar. They're all, they're getting drunk and pedaling together.

• 1:29:15Speaker 02

  And they're always in great shape, those ladies. They're not sweating at all, you know? And they're in like cowboy boots here because they think it's cute. So then they're like sweating, they're in like these cowboy, their feet stink.

• 1:29:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nightmare.

• 1:29:26Speaker 02

  Whole thing is just awful.

• 1:29:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look, having a drink, cool, but I don't wanna do it anywhere novel, anywhere where I have to exercise, anywhere dangerous.

• 1:29:35Speaker 02

  No, I want, when I used to drink, it was like, give me the dark, I want like a place that you're like, is that place open? And then you go inside and there's like a guy who's like, what do you want? And like, you can't say anything, but like, I want tequila on the rocks. He's like, here, bang, give it to you.

• 1:29:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what else I don't care for, don't tell Tom, is like. Like fine dining experiences where they light the shit on fire or like

• 1:29:58Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I don't want tricks.

• 1:29:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's fifty courses and I'm like, I don't want to sit here. I want to eat and I want to leave. I don't want to be here.

• 1:30:05Speaker 02

  If, if the food's great, I'm okay with it. I went somewhere here last night and had like a short rib that came on the bone.

• 1:30:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's good.

• 1:30:12Speaker 02

  Fucking phenomenal. It was so good. Nothing. They had a thing where the woman was like, well, we have like a flaming board that your thing could come on. I was like, I don't want to hear anything. I just want my food. Like I don't, I don't want a circus. Like I don't.

• 1:30:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:30:25Speaker 02

  It's, it's like, you know, now when like you go to clubs and stuff, they come out with these like lighting up wands and with your, a sign with your name on it. It's like, I'm trying to fucking get drunk. Like what is a parade for me?

• 1:30:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. And I also don't, I don't really like any extra attention from the waitstaff or anything. Like it's okay. You don't have to like talk to me about the dishes or like, I know what I like. Like I already, I did my homework. I know I'm here. I don't need you to, I don't want to make small talk. I'm good, dude. I'm like.

• 1:30:56Speaker 02

  See, we were, we were talking about this yesterday, the whole like on an Uber putting like, don't talk to me.

• 1:31:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:01Speaker 02

  And it's like, I just don't have the heart to do it, but I think I might start. I just, it's, it's, it's, it's time. Because what somebody was saying is like, well, maybe you could be doing the Uber person a favor. Yeah, maybe they don't want it. They, they have to be like, hey, how are you? Cause it'll give them like a better tip or rating where it's like, I, I want one of my best friends in New York who's probably the nicest guy I know. I've told this story a lot. He, on, so you used to not be able to set preferences on Uber, like don't talk to me. So he put his name as don't talk to me. So they would know not to, and he's, he was the nicest kid I knew. And I'd be like, how do you, how, I, I can't, I couldn't get in. Like, cause I'm asking this person a favor to like drive me somewhere and they're doing this thing.

• 1:31:42Speaker 02

  And I'm in their car. So it's like, listen, if they want to talk to me, it's, I'm not just going to be like, hey, don't fucking talk to me.

• 1:31:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know.

• 1:31:48Speaker 02

  It feels really rude.

• 1:31:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  It feels rude. I agree. I only, I only tip, I rank based on smell. Smell and driving style. Like if the guy's got a lot of cologne, that gives me a headache. I don't want to smell. If it's reeks of cigarettes and cologne, forget about it.

• 1:32:04Speaker 02

  You should be able to say why you're not tipping. Like you should be able to be like.

• 1:32:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I still tip, but I won't like give him the stars or whatever. I won't rate him. I just, I won't give him a negative rating. I just won't.

• 1:32:14Speaker 02

  But see, that's the thing. If you go like for a bad rating, they're like, why? And I don't, I just, I feel bad like pulling someone's rating down. I don't want to do that. But I would like to let him know what he's do- like dude, you're fuck- it's powerful back here. Like you stink.

• 1:32:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think you smell yourself though. You just don't smell yourself. When you put that much cologne on, those guys don't smell it anymore.

• 1:32:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's all of Eastern Europe. Okay, one last TikTok.

• 1:32:38Speaker 05

  Hello everybody. So I decided to, uh, why not make a collection update on my, uh, vacuums here.

• 1:32:45Speaker 02

  It's a cool shirt.

• 1:32:47Speaker 05

  Yeah. So as you can see here, it's, uh, don't mind the cat. Uh, it's pretty much been the same. Um, maybe some machines have been moved around.

• 1:32:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why would we mind the cat?

• 1:32:57Speaker 05

  Nothing, really much has changed. As you can see over here, nothing much has changed with this stuff over here. Then if we walk in here, uh, some machines that were in here, they were like junk. Like they were broken. Why I kept broken things? I don't know. But they're gone. Even I organize this. It doesn't look like it. But yeah.

• 1:33:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ironically, a room full of vacuums, filthy carpet. How's that going?

• 1:33:28Speaker 02

  I didn't even, yeah. I, I just, this is the most, I hate this guy. I hate every- like what are you?

• 1:33:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's wrong with you? Don't you collect anything?

• 1:33:36Speaker 02

  No. I clicked empty space.

• 1:33:39Speaker 05

  I hope you guys enjoyed this little update of my vacuum collection.

• 1:33:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I loved it. He's got a vacuum collection.

• 1:33:44Speaker 02

  There should be a movie about like the vacuums come to life and kill them. Like they attack.

• 1:33:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  How dare you? Rap, he's collecting vacuums. I hope he sells them. They look like they're in good shape.

• 1:33:54Speaker 02

  But that's a lot of money. Like, aren't vacuums like a hundred bucks? Each like these things? That's, that's a fucking lot. That's like at least 10 grand, like right there probably.

• 1:34:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Money in the bank dude, sell these vacuums.

• 1:34:04Speaker 02

  What's this guy doing?

• 1:34:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sitting on a gold mine is what he's doing.

• 1:34:07Speaker 02

  Loud ass old vacuums and the bag would blow up. And the cord wasn't long enough, so your fucking grandma would have to keep moving it around.

• 1:34:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I know. It's fun that my kids like to vacuum. I let them. They don't know what they're doing, but I let them.

• 1:34:21Speaker 02

  What do you, what do you think of the new eye masks on the planes? Have you seen that? That wraps around the headrest?

• 1:34:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:34:27Speaker 02

  Oh, can you, can you look up the eye mask on the plane that wraps around the headrest? This is one of these things in life where I go. I really don't care what people think about me, like the same thing with the fucking like, don't talk to me in an Uber, but it feels rude. Like, there's something about this where I go, I don't care what people think about me, for some reason I can't do this.

• 1:34:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:46Speaker 02

  So that if you-

• 1:34:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm the, yeah, I can do this.

• 1:34:48Speaker 02

  I don't know if that, no, that I can do, but what it is, is there's one where you have that mask on, and then, so you don't like, fall over.

• 1:34:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:34:56Speaker 02

  Like a hood goes around the back of the seat, like, like that.

• 1:34:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's brilliant.

• 1:35:00Speaker 02

  So now you're stuck there.

• 1:35:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love that. I wish I would have had that 20 years of traveling.

• 1:35:03Speaker 02

  You know what it is? I think I still have the shame of, cause like, when you're in first class and the people walk by, like, I only fly once a year really, so I fly first class. And like, when the people walk by, I do feel shame. Like, I don't belong in first class, and I feel bad that all those people are going back there and I'm not. So like, I think adding this would just be like, you fucking asshole. You know what I mean?

• 1:35:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Definitely.

• 1:35:23Speaker 02

  You just can't, it's too, like, I don't, like, I don't deserve to be this comfortable.

• 1:35:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I understand. You're still flogging yourself. You're wearing your hair shirt on the plane. I do think it, it looks like it pulls you back too aggressively.

• 1:35:36Speaker 02

  It straps you in there.

• 1:35:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It really straps your head.

• 1:35:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I mean, when I travel, I'll do the eye mask, I'll do a hoodie over it to cover that.

• 1:35:45Speaker 02

  I'm down with that.

• 1:35:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Zip that shit up, and the neck thing, and then I'll, pass it out.

• 1:35:50Speaker 02

  Right. See, I'm okay with all that. But once it comes to like, cause also, like, there's, there's, there's usually a TV on the back of the seat behind you, so aren't you getting in the way of, aren't you just like, taking that person's ability to watch TV away?

• 1:36:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's true. I didn't even think about that.

• 1:36:04Speaker 02

  I just don't like being a menace. It's like, it brings extra attention. It'd be like, look at the guy, you gotta go see the guy in the front, who's got this fucking contraption on, who like, can't fly three hours without this spoiled rotten-

• 1:36:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't even think about that.

• 1:36:17Speaker 02

  Oh. But you know what I did, reveal to Jamie lately that I've done? That I'm so proud of and happy with, and I'm so content? So I was like, it's time, I'm getting a shoehorn. So I got like a three foot long shoehorn by my front door. And when I put my shoes on, I just put the, like, it's three foot long, so you don't even have to bend over at all. You put the shoehorn in the back of the shoe, you slide your feet in. It is so nice.

• 1:36:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mr. Belvedere, look at you!

• 1:36:43Speaker 02

  So nice, but here's the thing, that I wasn't expecting. The three foot shoehorn came with a little mini shoehorn. And when I was leaving for the airport to fly to New York, I was like, oh, let me put my shoes on. And I was putting the shoehorn thing on, and I was like, wait a minute. And I didn't even realize I could do this. I'm like, I could put the little shoehorn in my bookbag. And when I go through security at the airport, I can, I can put my shoes back on with the little mini shoehorn, and I could have the mini shoehorn the whole time in New York.

• 1:37:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa, you just blew my mind. Did you just carry it around with you the whole time?

• 1:37:10Speaker 02

  It changed every, I had in my, in my backpack, there's a little slot, and I had the shoehorn in there, and it made me feel so much better.

• 1:37:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've never used one, I've never used one in my life. I would never even, I, I don't, I don't deserve a shoehorn.

• 1:37:21Speaker 02

  You do. It's so nice to not have to bend over when, because sometimes, like, you come in, you take your shoes, you go out, you go, like, back and forth and back and forth, and it's like, just to be able to be like,

• 1:37:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, hold on, but doesn't the three foot shoehorn, that's not long enough from a standing position, right?

• 1:37:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:37:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do I have to sit down?

• 1:37:36Speaker 02

  No, no, no, you stand there, because think about your lower body, how long is from your hand to your foot?

• 1:37:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's like five feet.

• 1:37:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, you're about 11'2", right? Yeah.

• 1:37:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:37:46Speaker 02

  Mommy, it is such a luxury, and by the way, it's like nine dollars.

• 1:37:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:37:51Speaker 02

  And it changes your whole life.

• 1:37:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:37:53Speaker 02

  It's so sweet.

• 1:37:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I believe you.

• 1:37:55Speaker 02

  And I keep it, like, hidden in a corner when I'm walking out, so it doesn't even, not in the way, nothing.

• 1:37:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't want people to see it, it's embarrassing, it's like a squatty potty that's out.

• 1:38:02Speaker 02

  I'm proud of my squatty potty, I'm proud of the shoehorn.

• 1:38:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's disgusting.

• 1:38:05Speaker 02

  I just set it in front of a million people. I don't hide it at all.

• 1:38:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you at least hide the squatty potty if a lady comes to your house?

• 1:38:11Speaker 02

  Not at all. I'll wipe the piss off of it.

• 1:38:15Speaker 02

  I'll clean it, I'll clean the piss off, like, you know what I'll do sometimes, I just throw it in the shower, and run the shower to get all the pee off.

• 1:38:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, who's grosser though? Rob Eiler or Christina?

• 1:38:27Speaker 02

  That's normal guys, no?

• 1:38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, Rob is far grosser. Okay, what's grosser?

• 1:38:31Speaker 02

  This is normal.

• 1:38:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me doing paper mache and using napkin dress.

• 1:38:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or this, the squatty potty and he rinses the piss off of it when a girl comes over?

• 1:38:41Speaker 02

  That's class. Leaving the pee is gross.

• 1:38:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Leaving the squatty, the squatty potty is such a vage dryer dude. I don't wanna see how you shit.

• 1:38:50Speaker 02

  You're not, you're knowing that I have proper, like, just looking at my toilet then you're gonna know how I shit. Uh, don't look at my toilet.

• 1:38:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, but I mean, I don't wanna see, the vision of you with your knees up to your face.

• 1:39:03Speaker 02

  My knees are gonna be two inches lower if I don't use the squatty potty, that's alright?

• 1:39:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Giving birth, like you're birthing.

• 1:39:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:39:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't wanna piss at all.

• 1:39:11Speaker 02

  I do a little poo Heimlich kinda action, yeah.

• 1:39:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right Niana? Yeah, I don't like to see men's shitting apparatus.

• 1:39:18Speaker 02

  But I, I mean, it's just a footstool.

• 1:39:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a lot more than that, it's a custom shit stool. We have one here.

• 1:39:25Speaker 02

  But my toilet is a, my toilet is a custom shit vacuum.

• 1:39:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's okay, but do you have a wash lat?

• 1:39:32Speaker 02

  No, not now, since I moved here, I didn't, I had it in LA, I don't have it here.

• 1:39:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:36Speaker 02

  You know what I was thinking about?

• 1:39:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just get a tushy.

• 1:39:38Speaker 02

  You know when you see like in hotels or like when you see people, usually on 90 Day Fiance, cause that's how I travel the world? They, when they get in a hotel and they're on the toilet, they have like, it's just like, you know that thing that used to come out of the sink and you spray water?

• 1:39:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:50Speaker 02

  Like that's what they, it's an old fashioned bidet. How do you not get water everywhere using that?

• 1:39:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  You do, that's the problem with a bidet. This is what I'm saying, yes, this is the problem, I never knew how to use a bidet in Europe, cause I would splash everywhere. You're supposed to what, take down your whole pants, everything?

• 1:40:07Speaker 02

  I jerked off on one of those in Vegas.

• 1:40:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a great story, thank you so much Rob for being here.

• 1:40:12Speaker 02

  I did.

• 1:40:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You jerked off into a bidet?

• 1:40:14Speaker 02

  No, no, no, like I let it, I let it, like, so I, I was like, what would this feel like? Cause I never used a bidet in my life and they gave, like it was an appearance, like to do an appearance, so they gave me this like crazy nice room by myself? And I was like, oh, I got nothing to do, I'm just like looking around for stuff to do. After I pooped, I'm like, oh, let me use a bidet for the first time. So you like, you squat over it, you turn the knob and then it washes your butt.

• 1:40:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:33Speaker 02

  And I was like, if I jerked off with this thing spraying my butt with the water, it'd probably be phenomenal. So I did it.

• 1:40:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it was.

• 1:40:40Speaker 02

  It was fucking awesome.

• 1:40:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You need to get a bidet again.

• 1:40:43Speaker 02

  And you know what, something that nice, I only did it that one time, never did it again.

• 1:40:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 1:40:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, because the bidets now are like the like fucking bidet like shoots water at you. This was just like a nice run kinda like it was like a fountain almost. It wasn't like a direct like that's not really pleasurable. The bidet that like shoots like a like a water gun like when you're at the carnival and you shoot in the

• 1:41:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know.

• 1:41:05Speaker 02

  Clown's mouth.

• 1:41:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Too much.

• 1:41:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what it's like. So that's not like, oh, I want to jerk off on this. But in in in Harrah's, when they gave me that really nice room, I was like, hey, let me jerk off on this bidet. Reporting live from Harrah's bidet.

• 1:41:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just inspired all the male listeners of this show to jerk off on their bidets. Thank you so much, Rob Eiler.

• 1:41:24Speaker 02

  God bless.

• 1:41:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, for being here and sharing that with us.

• 1:41:27Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me. It's been a while. I missed I missed podding with you.

• 1:41:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's been a long time.

• 1:41:30Speaker 02

  We used to do where my mom's at all the time and have fun. I'm happy you're better now. I'm happy you're back.

• 1:41:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's back. She's here. She's queer. Get used to her.

• 1:41:37Speaker 02

  Get well soon, Tom.

• 1:41:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, get well soon. He's in rehab.

• 1:41:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. Well, I love you, mommies. Um, okay, until next time. Well, how would you know how to identify a stinky beef?

• 1:41:48Speaker 04

  Take her to a clam.

• 1:41:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can tell you some other ways.

• 1:41:50Speaker 04

  Finger her and then take a chance and go smell it. Booty cheeks opening. Why are you sweating? Opens up, opens up, opens up. Booty cheeks opening. Why are you sweating? Opens up, opens up, opens up. Booty cheeks opening. Why are you sweating? Opens up, opens up, opens up. Booty cheeks opening. And then the snail comes out.

• 1:42:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where are you credentialed, Dr. Mel?

• 1:42:12Speaker 04

  Take her to a clam. Then you can try smelling dirty, dirty underwear.

• 1:42:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Definitely. Just eat that stinker. Eat that, eat that, eat that stinker. Just eat that stinker. Eat that, eat that, eat that stinker. I mean, if we're gonna go through the trouble of having her twerk and then finding her dirty undies and sniffing them, why not just hook up with her and find out?

• 1:42:36Speaker 04

  Take her to a clam. Make her twerk. And she say, I can't twerk because it's smelly pussy. Booty cheeks opening. Why are you sweating? Opens up, opens up, opens up. Booty cheeks opening. Why are you sweating? Opens up, opens up, opens up.

• 1:42:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just eat that. Eat that, eat that, eat that. Opens up, opens up, opens up. Just eat that. Eat that, eat that.

• 1:43:01Speaker 02

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