The Best (and Absolute Worst) Ways to Break Up

There isn’t always a “right” way to break up…but there is a wrong way. We polled our audience and are discussing the art of the exit in terms of method (when is a text sufficient?), best and worst places to break up (their place or yours?), optimal day of the week for ending things, and what absolutely not to do if you actually care about someone’s feelings. We share our own worst breakup stories, tell you the one place to never go when you’re on the rocks with a partner, and rank various locations for breakups from cars to restaurants to park benches. Before we get into the topic, we have updates on Rayna being sick and Ashley’s NYC home buying journey, and we break down the book of the moment – Strangers by Belle Burden. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit https://girlsgottaeat.com for live show tickets and more. Shop the Vibes Only sale at https://vibesonly.com/. Thank you to our partners this week: Lola Blankets: Get 40% off select products at https://lolablankets.com with code GIRLSGOTTAEAT Hungry Root: Get 40% off your first box and free item in every box for life at https://hungryroot.com/GGE with code GGE Skims: Get our favorite bras and underwear at https://skims.com/gge. Hers: Get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start a free intake at https://forhers.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  If I traveled to get dumped, if I went to a different borough, if I went to West Hollywood from the west side during rush hour, 90 minutes to get dumped, you better pay me.

• 0:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi guys.

• 0:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi guys.

• 0:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Welcome back. We are in Cabo as this airs.

• 0:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, for a wedding of our friend Alyssa.

• 0:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, Moi Caliente.

• 0:42Rayna Greenberg?

  We're on a boat.

• 0:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, on 420. We will be on a boat. I'm just so glad to be back in Cabo. What happens in Cabo stays in Cabo.

• 0:53Rayna Greenberg?

  That's where you got a boyfriend.

• 0:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's where I got a boyfriend, that's where I turned 40.

• 0:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 0:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  So if you know, you know, it has a special place to heart. But yeah, we're here for our friend's wedding as this airs. Rena, I gotta tell you, so I wanted to book some stuff. We're gonna be there for five days, Shank and I are. We're doing like a trip, like Saturday through Wednesday. And I was like, I want to do some stuff. We have a few things with the wedding, but like I want to do something on like Sunday.

• 1:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Do each other.

• 1:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I booked an excursion and I don't think you're gonna be in town yet, but I figured I would invite you live on air. We are gonna do a three hour e-bike tour.

• 1:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Ew, of what?

• 1:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Around the beaches and stuff. It looks pretty cool.

• 1:30Rayna Greenberg?

  You're on a bike on the beach?

• 1:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  You do. I think you have these like fat tire bikes. So here's what I.

• 1:34Rayna Greenberg?

  On the sand?

• 1:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know.

• 1:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I didn't even know you could do that.

• 1:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  So there was a few different options and what I wanted to do, which they didn't have any availability, was it's a two-part excursion, e-bike and camels.

• 1:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I would fuck with some camels.

• 1:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  And it said it's humane certified. Like I always, animal stuff, I'm always like, I want to make sure. But camels can be ridden.

• 1:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I've ridden a camel.

• 1:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, same. As a little kid, but not in recent years. So maybe the camels will open up and we'll do it, but.

• 2:02Rayna Greenberg?

  That sounds fun.

• 2:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, maybe, would you'd want to do the camel?

• 2:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Camels in Mexico?

• 2:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  In Cabo, camels in Cabo. It's a thing.

• 2:08Rayna Greenberg?

  It's a thing?

• 2:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's a thing.

• 2:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Camels are indigenous to Mexico.

• 2:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're not indigenous. They have them there. I should look into this to see if they're real.

• 2:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I think I'm just.

• 2:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Real, actual camels, not AI.

• 2:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Get them there.

• 2:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 2:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I land like midday on Sunday. I'm probably not gonna go on a camel ride.

• 2:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. Okay, guys, well, you are hearing it here first. She's denying my invitation.

• 2:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Biking 100%? I thought you were gonna tell me through our hike, which I would consider on a vacation.

• 2:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, we love to e-bike. And I have to tell you, I love to exercise and I love to break a sweat and be active on trips. It says, like, you won't even break a sweat. Like, they kind of are like, don't worry, you won't have to do the work. Like, it's an e-bike. It's an e-bike.

• 2:50Rayna Greenberg?

  What does that mean?

• 2:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  That you don't really have to pedal.

• 2:53Rayna Greenberg?

  It pedals for you?

• 2:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not all e-bikes are created equal, but like, Shashank's e-bike that he has here in LA, he doesn't have to pedal. Like, it's not, city bike in New York, you do have to pedal. Yeah, it just goes. Yeah.

• 3:01Rayna Greenberg?

  As somebody who's never successfully ridden a bike, I don't know anything about it.

• 3:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I think they're gonna make us wear, like, fucking kneepads and shit.

• 3:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, to wear kneepads? They're not gonna make you do that in Mexico.

• 3:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, helmets, of course, but I saw people were wearing, like, elbow and kneepads.

• 3:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Those are fucking nerds.

• 3:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm not rollerblading.

• 3:16Rayna Greenberg?

  I think Mexico's cooler than that. I don't think they're gonna be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 3:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I really don't want to wear kneepads and elbow pads.

• 3:22Rayna Greenberg?

  The FDA recommends that you wear kneepads.

• 3:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm like, can I say these for later? I have to suck a dick later. Can I hold on to these?

• 3:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Bring your elbow pads to give your blowjob later?

• 3:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Anyway, so that's where we are. Follow along.

• 3:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay. Well, we're gonna thank our partners and then jump right in. Thanks to Skims. Get our favorite bras and underwear at skims.com/gge. And Hungry Root, get 40% off your first box and a free item in every box for life at hungryroot.com/gge with code GGE.

• 3:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  And thank you to Lola Blankets. Get 40% off select products at lolablankets.com with code GIRLS GOTTA EAT. And thank you to Hers. Get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start a free intake at forhers.com.

• 4:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Why did you just dab?

• 4:07Rayna Greenberg?

  The way that you just went.

• 4:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just had to, like, clear, you know, you get, like, a, like, it feels like it's like an air bubble in your throat.

• 4:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Don't I know how it feels in my throat. I have not been sick like this. Have you ever known me to be this sick? I can't remember another time, like, the entire time of our friendship. So, it's a cold. Like, I don't know what else to call this.

• 4:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  Don't get me started on this. Colds need to be rebranded because there is such a spectrum. There is sniffles, of course, and then there is deathbed daggers in your throat. I Don't buy it. I don't buy it that you just had a cold.

• 4:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I started to feel sick last Monday. Tuesday, we recorded and I started to get a sore throat. I woke up, I never went to sleep really. Tuesday night, like three in the morning, I was staring at the ceiling. I had like tears in my eyes because I had to get up and fly to Salt Lake in the morning and I was like, I don't think I like have it in me. I am like really unwell. I haven't slept. I don't think I have a five hour flight in me, let alone like getting on stage. I messaged our agent. Luckily, he was on the West Coast. So midnight, he ran back. He was like, it's okay, we can move a show if you like really need to. I had to like cancel my opener. I, him and I booked on Salt Lake. We booked Salt Lake and Nashville. Like, I messaged you and I was like, I don't know what to do because I've never, you and I have never canceled a show. We've been on tour for eight years. We have never canceled. I've never been too sick to get on stage.

• 5:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  First being sick. A few times we've had to like postpone a show. Like, I just want to be clear because people will be in the comments.

• 5:26Rayna Greenberg?

  You canceled them.

• 5:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  And we hate to do it. It's like the worst thing when stuff comes up that's out of our control, like unforeseen circumstances. But as far as something personal, like day of, week of being sick, it's never happened. I mean, and we've been sick. I mean, I actually, last year I had to cancel some bar shows here in LA because I had the flu and they rescheduled them, but like, we've been really lucky and we've been healthy.

• 5:50Rayna Greenberg?

  The fact that like, it like breaks my heart that people would like buy plane tickets, book hotels, fly somewhere like, so I was trying to get ahead of it. I just couldn't. I was so sick. I like could not get out of bed. So I canceled. I moved the shows. So just so you guys know, Salt Lake and Nashville have been moved. Nashville will be July 29th and Salt Lake will be July 30th. So my only shows this summer at all.

• 6:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh. I didn't know you moved them then.

• 6:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, Andrew just was like, let's just get people a new date right away. I mean, we're really lucky. We have a great agent who just was like, this stuff happens. I'll contact the clubs and they were really, really nice about everything. I just like said to you, like, I don't know what to do. I just, I've never been this sick.

• 6:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  I hate it.

• 6:25Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just a fucking cold. I don't have the flu. I don't have COVID. I got tested for everything. It's nothing.

• 6:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't believe it. You were like on your deathbed. You could not speak. Your throat was like to the debilitating pain. Did they check you for bronchitis? Is that still a thing?

• 6:39Rayna Greenberg?

  They checked me for strep, but the weird is I wasn't coughing really.

• 6:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I knew I wasn't strep. I'm telling you, it's something different. I just can't with this. That's a common cold. Shut up.

• 6:48Rayna Greenberg?

  And then you Google everything. It's just like, there's just no cure for it. Yes, there is. Big cold is profiting off of this.

• 6:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 6:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I went, I got an IV, I got a $300 IV. And, cause it just said like, this will fix everything. No change. What's, I was like, I'll, I'll go to these shows, hell or high water. That's what I spent on an IV. No, no change at all. I was trying to like, take all these medicines. I Googled, should I go to a hospital? Is it normal to produce this much snot? Like, I have been a human snot factory. Like, have you ever used that, produce that much mucus where you're like, I don't think this is natural?

• 7:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, there was a point where I would get these colds. And I haven't had one in years where I would plug my nose with like, tissue to walk around the city. Cause I was like, I would be going through packs and packs and travel packs of tissues. And some of this was when we still had to wear masks. I was like, I'm a disaster under here. I have tampons up my nose, under this mask. Like, I could not plug my nose.

• 7:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Just like a factory.

• 7:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  But that throat feeling, I remember having that in Atlanta this one time. And again, I did all the tests, nothing. This is pre-COVID, it wasn't the flu, it wasn't strep. And I was crying in the parking lot of an urgent care. I barely could get myself there. I remember a doctor I knew at the time, they wouldn't give me anything other than like 800 milligram ibuprofen. And I, I could not function. I had a doctor call me in some hydrocodone, just for pain relief.

• 8:10Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 8:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's a cold, shut up.

• 8:11Rayna Greenberg?

  The pain was so bad.

• 8:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, the pain.

• 8:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I know, I was so frustrated, like, I cannot make this pain go away. I couldn't even go to the airport, cause I was like, I can't be on a plane.

• 8:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 8:20Rayna Greenberg?

  This was so bad. I have to tell you though, I went seven days. Today is the first day I put on makeup. I have not had alcohol, coffee, or makeup.

• 8:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Coffee.

• 8:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I've had no coffee since last Tuesday. No alcohol, no makeup. My body is like, returned to the earth. I've been eating like, a fucking, I don't know, like a football player.

• 8:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, you've been eating.

• 8:40Rayna Greenberg?

  Non-stop, I can't stop.

• 8:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just not know where this was going. So, are you feeling healthy or not? I don't know where we're going.

• 8:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't feel healthy. I just, I feel like shit.

• 8:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  So what I did was, I didn't drink, didn't have coffee, didn't put makeup on, but I made up for it in calories.

• 8:55Rayna Greenberg?

  All I did was eat, all, I have no joy in my life. It's just like, all I could do was eat. I ordered Veselica every night in New York, just because it's

• 9:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Comfort food.

• 9:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, pasta, latkes, matzo ball soup. The other day I went, got food and I drove, I circled back around, went to Levine and got two cookies. Whoa, Levine.

• 9:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  I feel like this is a little bit of a hot take because people talk about when you get the flu. Let's just say you're the flu because obviously you had some strain of something. It like, how much weight did you lose? What? No, the, the food is what's bringing me joy.

• 9:23Rayna Greenberg?

  What are those sicknesses?

• 9:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think about when Shashank and I had the flu last year. And yeah, there were some days where I just couldn't move and I didn't eat a lot. But once we returned to a state of we could eat, but we weren't cooking. We didn't have the energy to cook. We were ordering like the always pastas and

• 9:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Treat yourself.

• 9:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, treat yourself. Like we need a hit. We need a dopamine hit in this house.

• 9:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Just like eat whatever you want as much as you want.

• 9:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  We look great.

• 9:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Really? I feel, I feel great. I mean, I feel like I look great, but I feel like I do not feel great.

• 9:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  I do not know what you're saying.

• 9:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm still a little foggy and we had this whole conversation and you were like, are you? Okay, well, I'm sorry that I canceled on you guys. You guys know that me and Ashley would literally never.

• 10:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  After what I did to bring you to Salt Lake, you canceled. Feels personal. Ashley made me go here.

• 10:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I wanted to go there so bad.

• 10:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Guys, we're kidding right now. She doesn't like when I say this, but I

• 10:14Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, what a, what a time to be in Salt Lake. I feel like Chase is so hot right now. Like, is Chase even gonna matter in July?

• 10:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, like Chase is like so upset you canceled the show.

• 10:23Rayna Greenberg?

  I like have all these jokes about the stool on stage and Taylor Frankie Paul.

• 10:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh no, the stool joke.

• 10:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I've been really enjoying them. I can't do it in Salt Lake. I gotta wait till July.

• 10:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Something else will transpire.

• 10:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I really hope you guys are still causing drama there in July.

• 10:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, yes, we were in New York all last week and I had mentioned that I was looking at some homes to buy. Did I, or was I being cagey? I don't know. It's not a secret. I'm just, you know, I don't know what I'm doing, but

• 10:48Rayna Greenberg?

  She doesn't want to commit out loud that she's gonna move.

• 10:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, we're not committed. No one knows, even me.

• 10:55Rayna Greenberg?

  It's more more than I know.

• 10:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Shoshank, we can tell him later, but I need to know. We can tell him later. We'll tell him where he's living in a matter of days, but. So I've said this before, I cannot imagine moving again to a temporary home. Like, we have a large-ish house here in LA. It is packed to the walls, the garage, the basement. Like, we have so much stuff. This is two grownups and all of their things. This is not a hot take, but I was like, we cannot do that move. There is nothing more intense than a fully across the country move of all your things and downsizing from a house to an apartment. I mean, it sends a chill down my spine to think about, and the cost alone of the move. So I'm selling everything. Five, 10 grand. I mean, it's just so crazy. So, yeah, and you can do that too, but I have nice things. Like, I want to bring our stuff. Also, there's two of you. Yeah, so I was like, I want to buy in New York.

• 11:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I went around and saw what was out there. And that is, it's a humbling experience no matter what. I have a healthy budget. I was looking at decent places, but it still doesn't matter. It's still like, how could I live like this? Like, it doesn't matter what your two, three million, five million. Like, you're still like, it's small for that price tag and you have to really reconcile that. So buying in New York is just, it's a different animal altogether. It's not like, well, buy it and you can sell it. Yeah, of course, you could always buy and sell, but you're really supposed to live somewhere for five years to have it even worth your investment. We hear that time and time again, the taxes, the property tax, all the things. It's so different than any other city. This is not a hot take, it's the most expensive city to live in the world. So I went around and I saw places I liked and I still couldn't come to terms with like,

• 12:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  pulling the trigger on something on my forever home price and not having lived there. And I had this thing in my head of like, I've lived there, I know what to expect, but I'm not living in the same neighborhood and I have not lived there with Shoshank. He's never lived there. And so I do feel like I've come to this conclusion. I had a long breakfast coffee with Kelly and she was like, should you just like rent? And I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. This is a thing I don't want to do. And now I come to the conclusion that we probably just do need to rent. Just because that living nightmare of a move that I'm talking about will still be better than regretting buying something. Let me tell you.

• 13:03Rayna Greenberg?

  The regret in my body, I can't just get up and go. It sucks.

• 13:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's a commitment.

• 13:09Rayna Greenberg?

  And I love my house and I'm proud of it and I renovated it. It's the most beautiful thing, it's the thing I'm the most proud of. Every day I walk around and I'm like, I can't believe I get to live here. But like, I don't want to live there anymore.

• 13:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 13:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I made a mistake.

• 13:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, and I do be changing my mind. We talk about this all the time. And so I do think if we move back, we will rent. And then after a year or whatever, we will know of do we even really want to be in this neighborhood or in the city or what we want to do. We've never lived there together and what we really do need in terms of space and what works best for us all. So that's just where I'm at. Just wanted to keep you guys updated. But man, it's just, it's crazy. People don't own in New York. We don't have any friends. I mean, I don't know anybody. All our friends are married. They're in their 30s, 40s. Some of them have kids or having kids. Everybody rents. Again, the coldest take, but it's just you even ask people like, would you buy? And they're like, no.

• 14:02Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just, I don't know, the amount of money you have to put down to live in New York, I don't know to buy something, it's not worth it to me. I'd rather buy a house outside of New York and rent in New York.

• 14:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I know, but it just feels like if that is where we're going to live, that's where I should buy the thing.

• 14:17Rayna Greenberg?

  People are always like, you know, rent versus buy. And it's like, you're just lighting your money on fire. You're not lighting it on fire. You've got to live in that place for a month.

• 14:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you get to pay to live and someone else takes care of stuff. Like being in these homes and there's this great realtor named Jason and you know him and we have a lot of mutual friends. He's in like more, more, ran his friend. But even him asking the selling agent, like, are there any assessments on the place? Like what immediately unexpected costs could you get hit with? It's just, it's very, it's interesting. And we saw six places total, two in Manhattan, which I actually don't really think is for me. I think I do want to be in Williamsburg and four in Williamsburg. And it's very funny that the houses that you see that people are currently living in that have kids. Because there's just kid shit everywhere and it's hard to picture our adult life with

• 15:02Rayna Greenberg?

  In New York.

• 15:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  In a tight space. People that have children in New York and like they're just the stuff like I'm like there's not enough space for me and my husband and there's kids of like this one like Rena there's this beautiful counter like the count the gorgeous like kitchen island counter whatever and I'm thinking like you might not even need a dining table in here because the counter is so wide and it's so would be so great to eat at and like they have no they have no stools because under the counter like placed under it is the kids kitchen. Like the play kitchen. Like you know I bought J and R in a kitchen but it's in their playroom. The kitchen's under there in their kitchen. Their kitchen's in their kitchen.

• 15:40Rayna Greenberg?

  They don't get to use the countertop. Because the kids stuff is under it.

• 15:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  The kids kitchen is in their kitchen. Are you hearing me?

• 15:47Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys, I'm not strong enough to be a parent. I'm not. Like I had to forfeit my kitchen island. And then like parents are so strong.

• 15:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right next to that basketball hoop.

• 15:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  And like my nephews have all this stuff too, but my brother lives in this big house. Like it's just crazy because I really am such a supporter of like a bunch of toys and stuff. You know, like some people are like they want to be more minimalist and they don't want their kids to take over their house. You know, I think there's a consumerism aspect of it too, but your kids should have books and playthings and basketball hoops and play kitchens and all the things, but when you have them all in your like 1100, 1200 square foot apartment, it's wild to see and I don't see it a lot. And this is the cleaned up version because people are touring the home. Like what does this look like midday?

• 16:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not strong enough to be a parent in New York City. I could never do it. How could people do it?

• 16:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have mad respect, but that play kitchen under the kitchen in the kitchen?

• 16:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, you just gotta you gotta like get in where you fit in. Like you where else are you gonna put it? But like I couldn't have kids. I was hit with this also earlier this week because I our friend Jeremy's mom texted me. It was like, I heard you were sick. It was so sweet. And she told me, she was like, I used to travel a lot, you know, but of course when I had kids, I couldn't get this sick. I didn't have a choice. And I was like, oh, right. I could be this sick with kids to take care of. I was only responsible for me. I was in a living hell. I could respond to you when I felt like it and our friends when I felt like it. Like, what if I had to get up and feed somebody?

• 17:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, you know, and I feel obviously for any parent who was dealing with any sort of like illness, like chronic illness or anything that's not healthy day to day. I mean, not everybody is A plus healthy, but when my mom was sick as a child, I remember these moments. I remember my mom coming. I was so young and I remember her walking in the door and she had like a bladder infection or something and she was like keeled over and like crying and she just had to go straight up to her bedroom. And then I remember another time when she had mono and she just had to like be sleeping in the guest room for like days on end. For me, it felt like weeks because you're a kid and time, you know, but it was probably not, probably a week or so. And like, I remember them so vividly because your parent can't take care of you. Like, I remember my mom being sick as like core memories.

• 17:50Rayna Greenberg?

  It really like hits me like just how strong moms are.

• 17:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, I know.

• 17:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how you get up. All I had to do was think about me and how I was going to get through the day. But like, that's not an option when you're a parent.

• 18:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Pregnant women are having nausea every day and going to work.

• 18:05Rayna Greenberg?

  It's crazy to me.

• 18:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have a stomach ache. We can't record if I have a stomach ache. That's not, that's not happening. We better push it.

• 18:12Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, if it's raining out, we have to talk about it for an hour.

• 18:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  If it's windy?

• 18:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Fucking wind, I can't. Well, it's very funny, like who checks on you? You were very sick.

• 18:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Everybody checked on me.

• 18:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I had, these dumb things happened in New York. So my Uber did hit, I didn't get an accident, but my Uber hit this G-Wagon and it was like just a bump. And I get on my Instagram, talk about it. I'm not doing it in a sympathetic way. I'm like laughing about it. I don't know whether to get out of the car or not. They're yelling at each other or whatever. And then people are like, are you okay? Are you okay? I appreciate it. But like, I thought I was being like funny about it. I, I'm in the car fine. Like I don't, my neck doesn't hurt. Like, and then I joked about like slamming my finger in this bathroom door and then I got in that. This was a little more serious. I got on the airplane and they gave me an ice pack.

• 18:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Did make it seem serious, yeah.

• 18:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did I?

• 18:58Rayna Greenberg?

  I felt like it was serious.

• 18:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  I thought maybe my finger was broken and I just, the main reason why I wanted to make this post on my Instagram was to jokingly, like,

• 19:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank the staff.

• 19:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thank the Delta flight attendants who I said acted like first responders on the scene. Like, they act like this happens every day. They, I asked for a cup of ice and they were like, no, we need to put ice in a bag. Let's double bag it. And then, do you need a Band-Aid? They were ready. And it's fine. It's just like bruised, but I thought it might've been broken because the pain was like shooting through my body, but it's just funny. And I'm like, I don't even know if I want to post this stuff because I don't need to be checked in on my mother-in-law. Do you need to go to the ER after the Uber crash?

• 19:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you for bringing this up. I feel like I don't care when other people get sick. I just, I don't, really sick, I care, but like you check in with me every morning. You, you take being sick very seriously. Like every morning, what's the status update? Emily, every morning. Melanie, every morning. Megan, I'm worried about you. How are you? I mean, all of our friends checking. If somebody I knew had a cold, they would never hear from me ever. I'm so different than this. You're the only person I would check on, but like my life is so tied to you. Like

• 20:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's just so serious though. You had to cancel work.

• 20:04Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just, I realize how much more, I say all the time, I'm not that thoughtful. Other people, like how thoughtful other people are. Like if somebody said to me, I have a cold, I'd be like, talk to me when you don't have a cold. Like everybody around me was continuously checking in.

• 20:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's Raina. It's so, like, it makes me, like, I'm, again, so thankful for the people that care about me and my life, literally. Like, we are really grateful for everybody that is gonna check in on anything, but it's very funny. People are like, oh, your finger? How's your finger?

• 20:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, your finger I took really seriously, but if you, if somebody told me they had a cold, or even the flu, I wouldn't really take it that seriously.

• 20:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  The flu was so serious. Oh my God. It was, we, like, both almost did not survive it. I just hope you know, I hope you don't get it. I get it every eight years.

• 20:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I think I got the flu shot.

• 20:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  I really feel it every time I see a comedian having to cancel tour dates for being sick. It sucks. Like, A, your livelihood, but people have bought tickets and it's just, it's, it's short notice, you know? Like, the few times we've had to cancel shows, we really want to give people a long runway and we hate to like upset or inconvenience anybody, especially people who've like made plans, but it's like, it sucks when it's like, it's the day of, you're like, this is not happening tonight.

• 21:13Rayna Greenberg?

  I even thought, like, could I have Matt do like 45 and I'll do 30?

• 21:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, still go. I thought you meant like, could you send him in your place?

• 21:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  You make me go. That would be fine.

• 21:28Rayna Greenberg?

  People would actually have a good time.

• 21:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Some people wouldn't like it. They like you more than me, whatever. It would be okay.

• 21:34Rayna Greenberg?

  People would be so excited if it's you and me, right?

• 21:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm here. So like, I was the one that wanted to come here anyway.

• 21:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  What a funny surprise.

• 21:45Rayna Greenberg?

  I really thought, like, could I have him do this? But I was like, I don't think that's the experience. People didn't pay for that experience.

• 21:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, that's fair. Okay, so just one more thing. We wanted to mention, we're having a big sale for Vibes Only. If you guys are new here, we have a sexual wellness company. We sell the best, most high-quality, elite vibrators and accoutrement for the bedroom, like lube and this amazing intimate moisturizing oil and blow gel, suck and blow gel, one of our top sellers in different flavors. That's for, of course, oral sex, for anybody. And we are having a really big sale. I mean, 4/20, great time to get high and masturbate, obviously.

• 22:18Rayna Greenberg?

  The best orgasms I have ever had in my entire life is when I am stoned and masturbating. You'll never have a better orgasm in your life.

• 22:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Whether you smoke or not, treat yourself. So some of these really incredible items are up to 40% off. So these vibrators include the Poppy, which is this handheld ergonomic, has a finger loop to hold it. We're obsessed with it, like one of our faves. The Scarlet, I'll let Raina take the Scarlet. The Lucy Love Kit and the Lucy Two, these are bullet vibrators with three different silicone sleeves, so you really get four vibrators in one. The Farah, which is a finger vibe, which is great for partner play. And the Debbie. And then we are gonna have 30% off the peppermint blow gel, the play pillow, the sex pillow, that'll totally change the game, and our cleanup towels. And then still, we have nipple clamps as a gift with purchase for all orders over $150. Okay, so, and you, if Raina wants to jump in on the Scarlet and the Debbie.

• 23:12Rayna Greenberg?

  The one.

• 23:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  You love the suckers.

• 23:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, my favorite are vibrators are the AirPulse vibrators. So the Scarlet is small, it's handheld, it's great for travel. And then the Debbie is a little bit larger of an AirPulse suction vibrator. The hole is just bigger. I mean, it'll send you into orbit.

• 23:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, they're both so good.

• 23:28Rayna Greenberg?

  All these are great also for solo or partner play. The packaging is so beautiful. If you want to gift it to someone. Somebody just gives you to yourself, honestly.

• 23:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 23:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Just the best orgasms and they're classy. Have a classy orgasm on 420.

• 23:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. So some stuff will stay on sale, but in terms of everything we mentioned, just get it while it's hot. 24 hour sale.

• 23:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. If you guys forgot any of this, it is on the website. If you want to sign up for our email list, you can sign up at vibesonly.com and you'll get those emails with the discounts, but just go to our website vibesonly.com. Buy yourself the gift of orgasms, the most beautiful, high end sexy vibrators that you guys could ever put in or on your body.

• 24:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  So this will be today only. This will end at midnight Pacific time of 420. And some of this stuff will stay on sale, but if you want to get all those things we just mentioned, shop today on 420. If you are listening and the one I brought to New York, I always obviously bring a vibrator. I brought the Lucy love kit, the heart.

• 24:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh.

• 24:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  So there's these three amazing sleeves and one is for nipple play and one's like a lipstick shape. And then the heart is the biggest one and it's this red heart. You just slide it on the bullet and it just has that textured pad. It just feels like so good on your body. I just love it. Our tours are the best.

• 24:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I actually have been traveling with the Farah. It's this finger vibe. You slip on your finger. It's the laziest orgasm you could ever have. You literally just slide it on your index finger and just press it against yourself. Sometimes I stick it inside myself a little bit.

• 24:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  You can do that. Just make sure you don't lose, don't lose it in there.

• 24:55Rayna Greenberg?

  If you have a partner that likes to watch you masturbate, it's a fun thing to put on a show with. It won't emasculate some dumb man that's like, that's bigger than me. It's not, well, I hope it's not.

• 25:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  But if it is, you need it even more. So get the Ashley Maxx if it is. Okay. So vibesonly.com. You guys shop the 420 sale. Okay. Let's just take a quick break and then we will get into the topic. I am telling you guys about Lola blankets. Oh my God. Right. I feel like we have not talked about them in a while because they've probably been sold out. They are such a hot commodity. Like I was getting these for people for Christmas and I think I was like buying whatever I could to gift to people.

• 25:33Rayna Greenberg?

  They're so soft and they look so chic.

• 25:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my gosh. These are the best blankets. This is a like status symbol. They're affordable. But I do feel like you know you go to someone's house, they have this blanket.

• 25:47Rayna Greenberg?

  They're really soft. They look great. Like draped over the end of your bed or draped over a couch. They just look so nice and they're so soft and they come in a ton of different colors.

• 25:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So any occasions you guys have coming up, I mean, Mother's Day, it's just the perfect gift for anybody. I've gotten these for so many people. I did get my mom one for Christmas. I got one for Lindsay and Buck, my cousin and her husband for Christmas, and everybody's obsessed. Like if they don't know about it and you gift it to them, they're like, what is this? How can this just be so soft and comfy? So Mother's Day, again, it is about celebrating mom. It's the best gift for her. It's cozy, luxurious, thoughtful. We absolutely love it. So Lola is known for its life-changing softness that a world's number one blanket, crafted with ultra-soft faux fur and a signature therapeutic four-way stretch. So it is machine washable, double hemmed, built to last for years, and they look incredible. I mean, we have the antique ivory color and we have like a darker color couch, so it looks really nice.

• 26:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, we love the beiges. There's patterns. They have camo ones now, animal print, whatever you guys are into. You can really make a statement and they're just so great for gifting, your home aesthetic. 20,000 five-star reviews. Everybody's just obsessed. Again, there's a reason why it's called the world's number one blanket. So the sizes too. I have a large, the XL is massive. I recommend it. Don't get it twisted. But I think I have a large. We do. And then I got my mom like a medium.

• 27:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I have that XL.

• 27:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  You have the XL?

• 27:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I like to, I have blankets around my living room. I just like to keep it cozy.

• 27:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's a flex. They also make a weighted blanket if you want that. And there's matching pillows, which are incredible. You can do bundling too. So for a limited time, our listeners can get 40% off select Lola Blankets products with code GIRLSGOTTOEAT at checkout. Just head to lolablankets.com and use code GIRLSGOTTOEAT. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know we sent you this Mother's Day, Rat Mom, and the everyday luxury of Lola Blankets.

• 27:32Rayna Greenberg?

  So as somebody who really travels a lot, two people who travel a lot, I think it can be really hard to like eat healthy. And especially when I land back in LA, like my first thought is like, what am I gonna eat? How am I gonna stock my fridge for the week? Like it's really important to me to just like immediately figure out like, how am I gonna feed myself something that's really good for me, like high protein and healthy? And like it's gonna fuel me for the week. And I find myself spending too much time just driving to like three different grocery stores when I land. So. I'm gonna tell you guys about Hungry Root and why I love it. They plan your meals for the week, they fill your cart, and they deliver everything you need right to your door and eat healthy every single day. So, literally, I could like place this order while I'm out of town, it'll be there when I get there. And they take into account all of your health goals, your dietary preferences, and your budget also to curate a custom delivery each week. So, you take like a little quiz, they take into account literally everything. Are

• 28:15Rayna Greenberg?

  you cooking for kids? Are you dieting in a certain way? Do you have dietary restrictions? I love that they can also help you with budgeting. And then they put together a grocery list for you. They learn sort of your tastes and dietary needs, and they'll tailor all the deliveries according to what you need. Hungry Root offers over 50,000 chef crafted recipes, and a lot of them are ready in 15 minutes. So, they're gonna build out the carts, you have everything you need to make these meals. And Ashley and I have used it to make tacos and burgers and pastas, breakfast items, even snacks, just tons of stuff that you have in your house. And they make sure that everything is organic produce, non-GMO options, no hormones or antibiotics. It's really just great. And you should go peruse what they have. You'll really find a lot of things that you'll like. Lots to choose from, tons of variety. And you're gonna love Hungry Root as much as we do. For a limited time,

• 28:58Rayna Greenberg?

  get 40% off your first order, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to hungryroot.com/gge and use code GGE. That's hungryroot.com/gge, code GGE, to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

• 29:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so, we are talking about breakups today, which we will get into all the intel and info we crowdsourced from our audience and our own feelings and stuff. But we wanted to talk about this book that we are reading along with the rest of the world, which is Strangers by Bell Burden.

• 29:32Rayna Greenberg?

  You told me you were reading this, and you were like, "Everybody's reading this." And I'd never heard of it. And it's like one of those things that somebody mentions it, and you're like, "Oh, this is everywhere." I immediately saw it on like four different of our friends' Instagram stories. This book is truly everywhere.

• 29:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, shout out to our audience. I saw comments on Spotify after we did the episode, "I love my husband who hates me." And they were like, "You have to read this book." And they were like, "Tinks was talking about it." Like, people were just like, "Oprah, but you know, this is hot right now, and you have to read it." And I literally was like, "I will buy it today." Like, you guys just know. I mean, for you guys- To comment that under this episode, like you've got to read this book. I was like, I absolutely will read this book.

• 30:11Rayna Greenberg?

  And we are going to give some spoilers. I will summarize what the book is, but further down spoilers. But in summary, it's a memoir of a woman who's in New York City, married to this man for 21, 22 years. They have three kids. The pandemic hits and basically within a week of the shutdown, she finds out that he's having an affair and he leaves her. And that's sort of that. She doesn't really get an explanation from him, other than I'm just not happy. And this is sort of the end of things. And this is her trying to pick up the pieces essentially. And she takes you through the whole journey. It's really personal and moving and sad and heartbreaking. And you are just sort of waiting for like this really important conversation that she's going to have.

• 30:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  I haven't finished it.

• 30:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not going to give it.

• 30:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, but I like, I don't even want like a mild spoiler.

• 30:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not going to give you a mild spoiler.

• 30:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, okay. Cause my mom almost did this. I was like, stop talking.

• 30:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I love spoilers, but it's just, it's the journey to that. And she's a lawyer. She does pro bono work for immigration law, which is really wonderful, but not, was not a writer. And she wrote this book post divorce and post her husband leaving her. And it is just a true story. And it's really interesting. This just gut wrenching story about somebody who truly just walks in the door one day and leaves you.

• 31:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And that's the very beginning. So that's not, that's what the book's about. It says that on the jacket that he has this affair, but it's, he like apologizes for the bear. And then just she's like, okay, we're going to get through this. And it's like day one of the pandemic quarantine, and then he just leaves her and he turns into a different person. He becomes really cold. He doesn't want custody, you know, and she's like, what in the, and she opens the book and she's like, this is my story as true as I know it. And she's changed names of him, but not her and her family. She's kind of a famous family. We'll talk about this. And there's parts in the book where you can tell she's trying to be like, was this a sign? Should I have clocked this more?

• 31:50Rayna Greenberg?

  What we all do is we mine the past for all these clues that we missed and you know, should I have figured this out? I mean, What he does to her is so sick. I mean, not only do they have children together, they've been together for 20 plus years.

• 32:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 32:03Rayna Greenberg?

  To leave somebody with no explanation, with no real conversation, no real information about why you're leaving. I mean, other than I had an affair, I'm not happy, I'm leaving. No other conversation is so sick, it's so unbelievably horrible and unfair.

• 32:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and people eventually tell her that, like, this is not normal. And, you know, I'm only halfway through the book, and it's not because I literally cannot put it down, just the amount of time that I've had to read it. But she tells the breakup, and then she goes back and shares their whole relationship. So you're just like, how do we get here? And then we come back to present day, and that's kind of where I am. But I love this quote, and I clocked it when I read it, and then I saw this on her Instagram, and it says, "Wouldn't your own story look different if you knew how it was going to end?" You know, like, if they never broke up, she wouldn't be looking back at these things that he did that were signs. But now she has to reflect on them and be like, could I have figured this out? One, I posted this on my Instagram story that I thought was the sign, is that he didn't want to have dancing at their wedding. It says, "He insisted we didn't have dancing,

• 33:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  and I conceded, and I regretted it." No da- what are you talking about? Like, they made sure to set the wedding up, so there was no dancing.

• 33:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Like a dinner party.

• 33:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like a dinner party. And there's little things, too. But again, you're like, you're not thinking about it in the moment, because there's other, the rest of the story is he's a great partner and father, and he was the breadwinner, but she had all the family money and the trusts. And, I mean, there's this whole prenup theme of the book, and I'm not quite at the part where I, like, see what goes down. I'm in the edge of my fucking seat, because you're reading this book about her buying homes with her trust funds, but he had changed the prenup, so everything that was in their individual names is not split up. But if you know, you know. But I'm like screaming reading this book, like, oh, my fucking god.

• 33:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I just think we all do this to ourselves after a breakup. We just beat ourselves up, like, were there signs? Were there clues? Why didn't I see them? Why didn't I do more state of the unions about my relationship? And I think that, like, Where nobody's expected to be an archaeologist of their relationship at all times. And a Sherlock Holmes of what's going on. And it's not fair to hold yourself to the standard of like, every day I have to check in and be like, are you happy? Are you sure you're happy? But are you sure you're, you know, it's

• 34:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, of course.

• 34:11Rayna Greenberg?

  But we all do this to ourselves. And I think it was also a little generational. She talks a lot about people kind of like making a lot of excuses for him and saying it's okay that he did what he did and kind of letting it go. You should let it go. And it feels very generational. I think she's 55 at the time of writing the book.

• 34:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  But she talks about the women in her life and the infidelity that her grandmother famously may have experienced. Her grandmother was this fashion icon, Babe Paley.

• 34:38Rayna Greenberg?

  If you guys watched the show about Truman Capote on FX that came out last year, she is depicted in it.

• 34:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  They were friends, but then he sort of like betrayed her when he said that her husband had cheated on her. He was her husband was an actor. And then her mom, like she's just like, was I always destined to be cheated on essentially? And he had a situation where his dad, like just up and left the family. And you know, you're kind of like, oh, some of this stuff, it could have been the writing was on the wall. But to your point, also marriage is ebb and flow. Maybe you are going through a rocky patch, but he's still showing up for me and he's showing up for the kids and we have a good thing going. And so it's fascinating to read. She's an incredible writer. And I love that she did this. And I, you know, obviously can't put it down. And, you know, you finish it in full. And I feel bad that I'm not letting you like speak on your full thoughts.

• 35:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, no, it's fine. You are. And I think that the feedback on the book has been really interesting. And it was really meaningful to me because people have been sort of split down the middle of like, some people are very sympathetic to her and have, you know, obviously written to her after she wrote her book and told her story and said, you changed my life. And, you know, thank you for creating community around this. And this happened to me. And it really made me feel emotional about what people say to us about our show. And that sharing these really painful moments will change other people's lives and will normalize what they're going through and normalize their pain. And A lot of other people pushed back on her and had a lot of really negative feedback.

• 35:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  What?

• 35:56Rayna Greenberg?

  About, "Look at all the money you have. This stuff happens."

• 35:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 35:59Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, "You sound bitter. A good mom wouldn't write this stuff about somebody's father." I mean, there's been a lot of positive, probably overwhelmingly positive feedback, but a lot of negative feedback also. And it just reminded me that like, no matter what you put out into the world, some people will love it and some people will have a problem with it. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't share your truth.

• 36:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 36:18Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's really brave.

• 36:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I see what you're saying. Yes. And as I'm reading the book, I actually had that thought. Some people will not find her to be a sympathetic character because she's rich. And she has this generationally wealthy family, fame mixed in there too. And so you're reading this and you're reading about the apartments and the houses and the education and the family members and all the wealth. And you're like, I can't relate or sympathize. And I'm not saying that's how I felt. I'm fascinated by it. I'm looking up everybody that I can look. I was like, I gotta see pictures of her grandmother, you know, chapter one. Like, I'm so into like the true story of it all and who these characters are. But I see your point, which is like, that's just a projection. These are still hu- human beings and you're, read it or don't. But I do see why people would say that.

• 37:03Rayna Greenberg?

  People were like, "Marriage is end. What do you want? You have all this money." And like, "This is a gross thing to do to somebody's father." And I just, I found it really fascinating that people truly just see your experiences only from the lens through which they come through and the trauma that they've experienced. And yes, I understand that somebody that has no money, whose husband left them, reads this and is like, "How dare you." But she says over and over and over again, "I'm not asking for sympathy."

• 37:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  A hundred percent. This is just my story.

• 37:28Rayna Greenberg?

  This is just my story. But it just, it reminds me to just always be honest to my own truth too. And just speak what I think and feel. It's not gonna be for everybody. And that's okay.

• 37:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 37:36Rayna Greenberg?

  There's gonna be plenty of people that don't fuck with you.

• 37:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And I don't know, maybe this is, you tell me, but it feels as though this is something her children would have wanted her to do. She seems like a great mom. It seems like if she sat the daughters down and asked, "I'm gonna do this. How do you feel about it?" They would be like, "Let it rip."

• 37:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Every child's different. Every child's temperament is different. And every person's relationship to privacy is different. So some people would look at their parent and say like, "This is brave and strong." And I love that you didn't silently go away.

• 38:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yep.

• 38:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Other people would say, "What did you need to do this for?"

• 38:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, does it come up? You can tell me.

• 38:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, she talks about it at the end.

• 38:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thank you for protecting me. I love not knowing what's gonna happen. Obviously, we know they got divorced.

• 38:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I was laying there crying, listening to her talk about people messaging her saying like, this changed my life. Thank you for putting words to my own pain. And it really just reminded me like that you and I sharing our stories like does touch people. And every time you guys email us and say like, I see myself in your stories, like that's what makes me want to do this podcast forever.

• 38:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I totally agree. We love you guys and thanks for the book rec. But also, I don't know, isn't it kind of, I don't know, there's some people that will never be happy. Cause don't you want to read about rich people that you think have no problems and they have fucking problems? You know, like, pain is pain, heartbreak is heartbreak. And of course, money makes everything a lot easier. It makes managing all those things easier. But it's like, you think it's the same people that'll be like, oh, rich people problems that also want to know rich people have problems.

• 39:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  So.

• 39:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Some people just like to have a problem with everything, a hot take or something. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you don't agree with this, don't fuck with it. I don't know.

• 39:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So anyway, I don't think there's anyone that wouldn't enjoy this book. I mean, I told my mom about it and my mom was like, oh, I'm done. You know, she blew through it in a day. Like, everyone is obsessed with this book. But I don't want it to be, oh, I already know I'm gonna be sad when it's over. Like, it's all I think about.

• 39:32Rayna Greenberg?

  It's the first book I finished this year.

• 39:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  We were joking, because some people have messaged me, like, ooh, Ashley, you're the reader now. Like, I was illiterate before.

• 39:40Rayna Greenberg?

  You were the original reader also. I discovered reading like three years ago.

• 39:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So, all right. Well, that just kind of leads us into the conversation. I mean, very different things. Like, today's a lighter conversation about breakups. And we've done so many breakup episodes. I mean, we will have Amy Chan next week, talking about dating, not about breakups. But Amy's breakup episode is goaded and that we re-released it on August 31st, 2025. If you guys, or you can scroll back to the original if you want, which was 2019 or 2020. But we re-released that recently. We did an episode, Raina, So You Got Blindsided in September 2018. I thought it was fresher than that, because we'll talk about being blindsided today. But we have a lot of content out there. This is a little lighter about the best place and way to break up.

• 40:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I don't, I forget how I got this idea. I think I saw something where I was like, what a diabolical place to take someone to break up. And I was like, I want to talk about this.

• 40:39Rayna Greenberg?

  We polled you guys about how you'd want to get broken up with, when, where. I mean, the responses are so funny and nobody doesn't have a traumatic breakup story or ten.

• 40:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 40:51Rayna Greenberg?

  One of the things I asked is like, just high level, like, is there a right way to break up with somebody?

• 40:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 40:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Our audience responded pretty much overwhelmingly with like, there's not a great way, but there's a wrong way.

• 41:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hmm.

• 41:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, every single person was like, yeah, you can do it with respect and dignity and honesty, or you could do it all these other ways. Like, I am so baffled by people. I mean, that, that book is the top level of like, you've been with somebody for 20 years. You need to honor this commitment. You need to honor what went on between the two of you. But like, if you and I have been together for five months, you should honor the fact that we've gotten to know each other, been inside of each other, I guess.

• 41:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 41:30Rayna Greenberg?

  We shared things. We had intimate moments. I, I showed you a part of me other people don't get to see. And I'd like some respect in the ending of this. It's fine to end a relationship. Sometimes you're not my person. We're not going to be together forever. That's fine. Fine to feel like that.

• 41:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. Breakups are so telling about how people choose to do them. And if they've considered you, if someone breaks up with you that you've had a significant relationship with, completely thoughtlessly, you have dodged a bullet. And if they ghost you and don't break up with you at all, those are the worst people. So at least the people we're talking about today aren't the worst. There's nothing worse. There's nothing worse than leaving someone with no explanation, no closure, no nothing. And so when these things happen, I mean, it's so much easier said than done, especially in the moment of saying, you, you're better off, you dodged a bullet. But if someone really breaks off your relationship in such a thoughtless, careless way, you, you really, that was not your person.

• 42:25Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I can't imagine a scenario where somebody is begging and pleading with me to just give them an explanation and just not doing it. Like, I understand that a lot of people were not given the tools to do it and they don't understand how to have the conversation. You just have to have it. It is so sick and unfair that somebody, you could just ease their pain a little bit and you just are refusing to.

• 42:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  A complete refusal. And I know that some people have been in situations of trying to break up with somebody and they won't let them and they hound them, they badger them, and they stalk them, and this and that. But whatever, that's not everybody, certainly. And you can't put your trauma with someone onto the next person. But people who truly do nothing, like at the end of the day, like even if it is a text, after a year, better than nothing. But still, bare minimum, I don't appreciate it. So.

• 43:14Rayna Greenberg?

  The trauma that people experience, I mean, one of my girlfriends, truly, her boyfriend of seven years, came home from a work trip and was like, I'm not in love with you and I'm leaving you, and left. And like, I think they talked like a little bit, but like, she never really got that type of conversation. It was like, I've been feeling X kind of way for X amount of time. And she was saying to me last night, and it's been three years since they broke up, four years? She said, I never got a text message to reopen this conversation. And I feel like other people get this and I'll just, what I'll just never get this. Like, it feels like this open wound I'm never gonna get to close. Like, people truly don't recover from this.

• 43:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, I know. I was talking about a close friend of mine who was broken up with about a year ago, a little over a year ago. And they had been together for years. They were gonna buy a house together. They were talking about having children and how they were going to do it with some like fertility struggles and really had gone through therapy. They'd done all the things. I mean, they were long-term, committed couple planning, getting married, talked about it. And he left her while she was with her family on a trip with a note. Moved his stuff out while she was out of town. I could cry. And then again, when she tried to speak to him, he was like a different person, just completely cut off, shut off.

• 44:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I was talking with a mutual friend of ours about it and was like, I'm so fucking mad at him because he could have broken up with her in a humane way. You know, like she would have been heartbroken. It would have been awful, no matter what. But to do it in that way is so much more painful and so much more traumatizing. Like she, this has defined her life. And a year later, she's still working through it and she's dated and it's not that she's still stuck there. But that, I don't know, the disrespect, the dismissiveness of this person you've been with for years that you love, that you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Like, just do it with some sort of care.

• 45:09Rayna Greenberg?

  And if this has happened to you, I don't even know you. There's nothing you could have done to provoke that type of behavior. It's so unkind and unfair. Yes, you will carry the wounds from a breakup for a long time, but not understanding a breakup, those wounds will last so much longer. Having all of your agency robbed from you.

• 45:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I, some people, I don't know how to do it. I didn't know, it was going to be too painful. I didn't know how to do it. Yeah, it's fucking hard. We, nobody knows how to do it. Ask anyone, ask AI, ask a chatbot how to break up. Ask your sibling or your friend or any woman, literally, on the street. And this, they'll give you a better option than what you did. I'm sorry, it's so cowardly.

• 45:49Rayna Greenberg?

  It's crazy to me. They just saved themselves the discomfort of having to do this because they couldn't look you in the face and watch your face crumble into crying. Like, that, that's what you're afraid of? You'd rather create psychological issues for somebody for years to come.

• 46:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, that you shared a life with.

• 46:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Insane.

• 46:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Insane. So, we kicked it off with how to do it casually. And we asked you guys, if you've been dating someone casually for a month or two, the ideal way to end things is? And 48% said over text is fine. 27% said they prefer a phone call over their text. And 25% said in person always. So, 25% of people think, no matter what, I want to talk in person. I disagree. Again, that's just my personal opinion. I, I do like that majority of people said a text is okay for a casual situation. I think a lot of these people don't want. An in-person or a phone call if it's been casual, they want a thoughtful text.

• 46:44Rayna Greenberg?

  A couple of months, like, you know, I do think that you can be, we, we divided between casual and committed. So that, those could be anything. Five months in, you could feel pretty committed to somebody. They've met your friends, your family, done holidays together. Like, that's a different thing. But like, one to even three months, I, I don't mind a really well thought out, like, I'm not great in phone conversations. I'm a great person, I don't know how to handle this kind of thing, so I wrote you a text. I don't mind that.

• 47:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I was thinking more casual, even on a few dates. Like, if we're committed in any way, I want more, at least a phone call. But I don't know that we need to sit down and do a big to do. But I just think, like, it's casual, we're still feeling each other out, there is no exclusivity or commitment.

• 47:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 47:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Then text is fine.

• 47:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Text is fine. And I also, like, in those situations, you know, we always beat ourselves up, we feel embarrassed, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. But you do feel like that. And so sometimes I don't really want to be in front of somebody.

• 47:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 47:37Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't really know me that well, this person's making a judgment call on me, that they, I thought it was going well, they didn't think it was going well. Sometimes I just want to be able to digest the message and take a beat. Like, this is not somebody I committed to being in a relationship with, so I do just want to, like, take a minute.

• 47:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and this is so nuanced and so person-specific, all of this. Obviously, you guys know that, like, most topics. Like, everyone is so different with how they're, they react to stuff, where they want to be. So just keep that in mind. Obviously, this is just like, you know, our audience. And then, you know, next, we said if you're ending a committed relationship, 98% of you guys said it has to be in person. And 2% said, I'll take a phone call. And that might be someone who's really shy or, or really reactive.

• 48:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I had to do a breakup over Zoom.

• 48:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  You would do one over Zoom?

• 48:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 48:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 48:23Rayna Greenberg?

  We were long distance.

• 48:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 48:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, he was.

• 48:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  I forgot it was over Zoom.

• 48:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  And the Zoom link.

• 48:33Rayna Greenberg?

  I felt really bad. And then you sort of just don't know like when to get off the Zoom.

• 48:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 48:37Rayna Greenberg?

  You're just like, I'm gonna close my computer now. Like, I didn't know what to do. I mean, a FaceTime is fine. Three months FaceTime.

• 48:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  And also where are you located? I mean, long distance, long distance breakup stuff. But our friend, one of our good friends, she was dating this guy. She lives in New York City and he was like more in the suburbs, like pretty far. He was coming in like an hour to go on dates with her. And he was like, I need to kind of know where you stand. She wants to move really slow for various reasons. I think he was finally, it's been a long time. Like, I need to know what's going on.

• 49:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Mopping on the stick or not?

• 49:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  I really like you. Yeah. Can we at least spend the night together or whatever? And so she was gonna tell him, they had a date planned, and she was gonna tell him, I've made my decision to not move forward, basically. And I was like, but did you give him a heads up? Because if I came an hour, if I took multiple trains.

• 49:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Be so pissed.

• 49:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  And she did. I forget what she said. She's a therapist. She's amazing. But she said something along the lines of not, it's not gonna be good. But something along the lines of.

• 49:33Rayna Greenberg?

  We should have a talk?

• 49:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, I think she offered, I'm happy to do this over the phone. So you don't come all the way down here if maybe like, it's not news you want to hear or something. He was like, no, I still want to do this dinner.

• 49:45Rayna Greenberg?

  He's like, I still have to eat.

• 49:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  I, if I traveled to get dumped, rain or stop. If I went to a different borough in New York, if I went to West Hollywood from the West Side during rush hour, 90 minutes to get dumped. You better pay, you better pay me.

• 50:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, I broke up with somebody. I went down to DC to visit him. I went back to New York and broke up with him over the phone. I did not do it in DC.

• 50:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  The end of a trip is like, that really does happen.

• 50:13Rayna Greenberg?

  We have a lot of those.

• 50:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 50:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, and then remember that guy I was dating from Denver? He was gonna come to New York. And he sent me this whole long email about like, he was like, before I board the plane, I want to know like where you see these things going. And I don't know if this has like legs for a long time. And I was like, I can't tell you that.

• 50:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I was dating his friend and he was gonna come to New York too. And I ended things. But what did I do?

• 50:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Because. So he canceled.

• 50:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  I did.

• 50:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, he, my guy canceled on me. Well, he basically was like, I, I, before I come there, I want to like.

• 50:47Rayna Greenberg?

  I do think he was kind of trying to end things with me, but he was like, before I come there, I want to say like, is this going anywhere before I keep traveling back and forth? And I was like, I can't tell you this is going anywhere. I don't know. Just come here. So we canceled whatever. And then his friend was still gonna come visit you.

• 51:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And I was like, no, this was like a double date. This was a double date relationship. Like this was.

• 51:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Did you give him money for the plane date?

• 51:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God, stop. Yes.

• 51:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Why did you remind me? I did found Noah.

• 51:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I felt bad. He said, do you think he made money on that? Do you think he actually could have got?

• 51:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Was that before?

• 51:24Rayna Greenberg?

  It was like $169 and you thought it was funny. So you like sent him $69.

• 51:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. This was before COVID, wasn't it?

• 51:31Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, this is the summer of 2019.

• 51:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So this was before airlines would just give you that refund. It was a real bitch. That's the best thing that came out of COVID was the airline flexibility cancellation policies changing forever.

• 51:43Rayna Greenberg?

  You sent him some money.

• 51:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I sent him some money. And he was like so mad at his friend. He was like, it's his fault. It's not. I was like, kinda. I mean, this wasn't gonna, we were casual. Yeah. But he was so understanding. But yeah, I picked up the phone.

• 51:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I remember I was so nervous.

• 52:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 52:01Rayna Greenberg?

  They worked at that summer camp together.

• 52:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 52:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, yeah, I mean, you owe somebody an in person unless you really know that that's not, if there's something going on where there's a better option for their like mental health or something, you know? So, which if you're dating somebody and for a significant amount of time, you should know that. And then we asked where to do it.

• 52:21Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm really surprised by the results of this. So we asked, do you want it to be at their home, your home, or a public place? And overwhelmingly, 52% of people said your home, meaning like my home.

• 52:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 52:33Rayna Greenberg?

  28% their home and 20% a public place. My preference is at their place for two reasons.

• 52:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 52:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't want that. I really don't want the memory of it in my house. I just, I don't want to like look at my couch and be like, that's where I was like bringing down and crying. Like, I'll go do that in my own time at my own house. And I want to be able to get up and leave when I want.

• 52:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 52:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't want to feel like I, it's not my decision when this ends. I don't want to have to ask you to get the fuck out. Like I want to be on my own terms. I get up, I leave.

• 52:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, again, I just hope it doesn't take a long time to get there and it wasn't a fucking hassle for me.

• 53:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Sure.

• 53:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  I have some feelings on that. I mean, I do understand your home for I didn't have to lift a finger. You came over here and you left. And I think most people know to go. But I mean, I saw people said that, like someone said, your home is sacred. I hated my bedroom after. And I think that's a totally normal personal preference. I mean, obviously if you feel that way too. I just think that we all go through the good, the bad and the ugly in our home. Like, I think it's hard to avoid trauma in your home. You know, like I was after Dewey died, like I'm in the home. I was in the home, you know, you remember where this and that happened. Like, I don't think I'd ever look at my couch and be like, that's where I got dumped on the couch. But that's, some people do and they feel differently. Like, what I will say, if I lived somewhere with somebody, that would be tough. You had that situation happen.

• 53:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  You said you felt like you were in a coffin of your relationship. That's different. If you didn't live together, I don't think I would look at my home differently, but that's just me. Again, this is all personal preference.

• 53:59Rayna Greenberg?

  But also have I spent forty dollars in a round trip Uber to go over there?

• 54:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I mean, how close do you live? Like, yeah, did I get in the car to come get dumped?

• 54:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, again, this is maybe a proximity thing and it's just personal preference.

• 54:14Rayna Greenberg?

  But twenty percent public, so if you, in this fantasy scenario, you get broken up with anywhere. Twenty percent public place. So if you're, if you're cherry picking where you can get broken up with.

• 54:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  So here's the thing I will say, everybody, again, it's their own lens of their relationship. This is probably not what people are referring to, but a woman breaking up with a man who may be reactive or angry. Or you don't know how he's going to react. I mean, this, again, people could be viewing it through that lens, public place.

• 54:42Rayna Greenberg?

  Sure.

• 54:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Breaking up with somebody you don't know how they're gonna act. But I want to know. Let's remove that. What are you talking? A park bench?

• 54:50Rayna Greenberg?

  I have had several breakups.

• 54:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  On a park bench?

• 54:52Rayna Greenberg?

  In Washington Square Park.

• 54:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 54:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I have broken up.

• 54:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Busy park.

• 54:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Just a lot, lot to look at. A lot going on. I, one time I had dinner like right up the street and then we walked into Washington Square Park. And I was like, I can't be with this guy for one more minute.

• 55:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 55:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I cannot. And then he insisted on walking me home and I was like, I don't, I don't explain this. I don't ever want to be ever anywhere near you ever again. Like I, what don't you understand about this? I made you pay for my dinner. I broke up with you at this park. I disrespected you so badly. Like get away from me. And I was like, I don't need you to walk me home. We got in a fight about it. He was like, I'm just trying to be respectful. And I was like, I don't want you to respect me. I don't want you to ever talk to me ever again.

• 55:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 55:27Rayna Greenberg?

  That's the point of this.

• 55:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I remember, we were only casually dating, but we did end our relationship. He was walking me home from, from the stand and he was a comedian and this is right.

• 55:39Rayna Greenberg?

  One of his close came up for me this morning.

• 55:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is right before COVID and I remember walking with him and him just doing the whole like, I don't know. I just really want to like focus on my career. And I said, nothing's going to be better for your career than dating me.

• 55:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  I said, nothing's going to elevate your career like dating me. And he was like, that's hilarious. Can I use that?

• 55:57Rayna Greenberg?

  That aged well, honestly.

• 55:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  But then we did try, I remember the whole weekend he spent like thinking about it and he was like, I actually was wrong.

• 56:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I would like to prioritize my career.

• 56:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  He's like, can you do a sketch with me? He was like, I actually do, I actually do want to take you up on that whole career thing.

• 56:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, and then it was COVID and we tried to do like one Zoom date and we actually, no, we went on an in-person date and we got back to the city.

• 56:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I remember.

• 56:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay. So walking, I like.

• 56:24Rayna Greenberg?

  He looks good.

• 56:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Does he?

• 56:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I saw him this morning. He looks hot.

• 56:27Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think he could have got hot.

• 56:28Rayna Greenberg?

  He had like a funny joke or two also.

• 56:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm proud of that one. Okay. So I like a walk. You don't really have to look at each other. Like walking and breaking up is not bad.

• 56:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 56:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I wouldn't be like, do you want to go on a walk to break up? The worst thing is a restaurant breakup, Raina. A restaurant breakup is insane because are you doing it at the beginning or the end of the dinner?

• 56:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Like who paid for the dinner? Did I sit here through this whole meal and you were auditioning to see if like you would break up with me? Do you know what I mean? Like everything I said and did at this dinner, you were like, I could break up with her at the end of this.

• 56:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do we sit down and? We have ordered our meal and then you break up with me and we have to eat the meal together. That's so crazy. I'm leaving. Like, if you guys had this situation, please let us know. And then the end of the dinner, when the check comes, diabolical. We've sat here this whole time.

• 57:15Rayna Greenberg?

  We've sat here this whole time. And also, I didn't do anything at this dinner to make you change your mind. You didn't have a lovely time laughing at my jokes?

• 57:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. It's, it's Elle Woods. Elle Woods and Warner is my image that I see immediately of breakup in the, in the restaurant. I just need to be with someone more serious.

• 57:31Rayna Greenberg?

  She's like crying in the restaurant. I just, that is also really unfair because you've put me in a physical place where like, I can't have a reaction that honors what's going on here, which is you're breaking up with me.

• 57:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  That feels manipulative.

• 57:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it does. Like, I can't yell and scream or cry or just like, ask a bunch of questions and look mad in public. Someone's gonna film me.

• 57:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I think that's why people do it. I think so they can tamp down your reaction. Again, the only time I really do feel like it is acceptable, in my personal opinion, is if someone's really gonna react in a crazy way. I mean, and I, I can see this from a man too. Like, if you really think you're gonna go to her house and she's gonna start throwing stuff, I get it. Go to the park. Okay, I asked AI, AI overview on best places to break up. So, a quiet public park, so maybe not Washington Square, but a quiet public park offers privacy space in a neutral setting away from shared living spaces. A calm cafe or coffee shop, better than a meal. I just still don't wanna be in a

• 58:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I wanna be in a business.

• 58:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Restaurant, yeah, okay. Near their home, near their home, allows them to be in a familiar place to deal with emotions while giving you an easy exit. Park bench near your home. Meet me on the corner.

• 58:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Park bench is fine. Park is tough because it's like, who leaves first? If I leave, you're gonna try to walk out of this park with me? I'm scarred by him trying to walk me home. I was just like, can you get away from me?

• 58:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, lastly, this one, I feel like this was a rogue choice from Gemini, but botanical garden.

• 59:00Rayna Greenberg?

  That's how people get married.

• 59:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you bought tickets to break up with me, I only think of botanical gardens as like ticketed. Are they free? I guess they could be free.

• 59:08Rayna Greenberg?

  No, they're not free. The botanical gardens in New York are expensive.

• 59:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you take me up to Queens or wherever the fuck I've been one time.

• 59:15Rayna Greenberg?

  You get a Groupon for that? That's crazy.

• 59:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  And break up with me. So we asked you guys worst place you've been broken up with or broke up with someone.

• 59:22Rayna Greenberg?

  I couldn't get to the bottom of the slide. There were so many of them. The way that people have disrespected you.

• 59:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's it's. The very top one from Christina. We love her. She's been a fan of the show forever. Panera.

• 59:34Rayna Greenberg?

  So I started with Panera and a lot of chains got a lot of attention. So we have Panera, Target, Tim Hortons, Disneyland, Dunkin', Starbucks, Olive Garden, Petco, Dairy Queen, Costco. And that's just to name a few.

• 59:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm so sad. Like, I want all those companies to weigh in, in the chat.

• 59:54Rayna Greenberg?

  All those to me are somebody has exploded.

• 59:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  You might be entitled to compensation if you've been dumped in the Dairy Queen.

• 1:00:00Rayna Greenberg?

  But like, if we're getting ice cream and you couldn't wait until we got out of the Costco, the Dairy Queen, the Petco, like Starbucks, Dunkin', like, you're fucking mad. This is a breakup because you are angry. You are mad. Like, it is crazy to break up with somebody at these places.

• 1:00:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  It really is. Like, that is so funny. I mean, there's some like dumped at a New Year's party drunk and no taxis available. That is some bullshit. I don't have a way to get home. Oh, my God. Like, at a time when Uber is surging, no, no. Any sort of surge pricing? No.

• 1:00:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Honestly, in a scenario where I'm around a lot of people is so bad. A bunch of people said right after sex, which is, you are fucking garbage.

• 1:00:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:00:41Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot of people in there right after sex. If somebody has sex with you and breaks up with them, kick them in the balls.

• 1:00:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:00:47Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot of, a lot of stuff on vacation.

• 1:00:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:00:50Rayna Greenberg?

  So like, on a romantic vacation in Europe where we had to fly back together. You couldn't keep it together.

• 1:00:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I'd love to jump in now with mine, which was on a cruise ship, on a cruise we went on together. We broke up day two.

• 1:01:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Cruise is so bad.

• 1:01:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  We broke up day two. The rest of the cruise was horrible. We still had to share that tiny bed and that tiny bedroom and then drive back.

• 1:01:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Were you guys speaking?

• 1:01:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  It was so tense. It was so awful. I kind of had to do a little bit of work. I was on this cruise, like that I got us a free trip for the, I was writing about it.

• 1:01:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Free trip that you provided?

• 1:01:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, to write about it for this magazine. So I had to go do some like random interviews and stuff. It was horrible. And like, we were being cordial to each other, but like, we, we were always off and on. We were long distance, but we were on the cruise together. And then day two, we were not together. Stranded at sea.

• 1:01:36Rayna Greenberg?

  That's crazy.

• 1:01:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Horrifying.

• 1:01:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Those are the smallest rooms, no demand, a trip that you provided.

• 1:01:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 1:01:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Somebody halfway through a 10 mile hike and we had to drive three hours back together.

• 1:01:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, that's, I can't.

• 1:01:49Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm stuck in a car with you.

• 1:01:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, the car. Like, I think of the one time, it was like the worst day that Shashank and I, in our relationship, we just, we were in this fight. This was 2024, like, and we went to Maine for the day and we just like kept kind of stargazing the drain of this fight. We couldn't seem to get to a place and we finally did. But driving back from Maine to Boston, like silent in the car. I mean, it was just like the most painful experience.

• 1:02:12Rayna Greenberg?

  God, it's so bad. And you're like, I will, I drove back from Newport, Rhode Island like that.

• 1:02:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 1:02:17Rayna Greenberg?

  And we just didn't talk for four hours. And we were like politely trying to like pick a podcast we could both listen to. So we didn't have to speak to each other.

• 1:02:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  That trip, I remember the night before you went on that trip, being at DeAndrea in the West Village.

• 1:02:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Was that the night before that?

• 1:02:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  We, yeah, we were out with like Merrill and Jackie. And you were like, this is like the final thing. Like, this is gonna make or break the relationship. And I was like, break. Like, I could just.

• 1:02:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm gonna take him on this trip where I pay for the car and then I pay for gurneys in Newport, which was the most expensive place you could stay, plan this whole trip. I was like, could you help me navigate? No. Could you help me pick a podcast? No. He's like, you seem tense. You think?

• 1:02:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, you're dumped. Okay, the, this all caps, the middle of a comedy show. This is so funny, because I'm thinking like the comedian made a bit that made you be like, you know what? That's how I feel.

• 1:03:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, do you ever feel like sometimes when you talk to couples, they're about to have a fight in the car on the way home?

• 1:03:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:03:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel like this happens to me kind of a lot. When like, one person will say something and the other person's head whips around, like, what? That's your interpretation of this?

• 1:03:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, you can feel you're not aligned as a couple. You shouldn't have come here. And you definitely shouldn't have sat up front.

• 1:03:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, there was one couple, I said like, something about dating in LA. And she's like, it's fucking trash. Every man here is horrible. And I was like, aren't you on a date? And he looked at her like, are you fucking kidding me right now?

• 1:03:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, a note from the pros. If you are not rock solid in a relationship, don't sit up front at a comedy show. And if they try to sit you up front, I would say like, hey, we're a little rocky right now. And we'd like to sit in the back. Like, I could see Adele at the stand being like, I get it. You don't need to be crowd worked and broken up with live by the comedian on stage. Like, don't do it.

• 1:03:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I identify like three couples right at the front, and I talk to them the whole set.

• 1:03:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:58Rayna Greenberg?

  You guys will either, you will walk out of here married or broken up by the end of this.

• 1:04:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  100%. Oh, my gosh.

• 1:04:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, at a friend's wedding?

• 1:04:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just, well, come on.

• 1:04:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I do think that like, you know, weddings obviously bring up a lot of feelings. You can't break up with me at a wedding. That's so mean.

• 1:04:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my God, I remember my wedding. There was a couple that should-

• 1:04:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Do I remember your wedding? Every, well, first of all, my birthday party. Everybody broke up at my birthday party.

• 1:04:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, this shit does happen. And there, there was, I can't call them a couple because I don't really think they were together at the wedding. I think that they were technically already broken up and she still came, which was just a mistake. She shouldn't, she shouldn't have come. He should have come solo and it's fine. Like, we would have understood and to see them both the Sunday after, both in the courtyard of the W, sitting separately, like both waiting for the flight, that they probably were both on the same flight back. Like, she was sitting there with her stuff. He was like saying goodbye to us. Like, it was crazy to watch. And then I heard about another couple, I don't know if they broke up. They broke up, I think, as soon as they got back. But I don't think they broke up at the wedding. But she realized at the wedding, like, this is not the person I want to be for a lot of reasons. And same with your birthday.

• 1:05:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, three couples. One of them was married, one lived together, one of them was a dumpster fire, so they shouldn't have never been together. But I do think those kind of moments definitely like shine a light to the relationship, holidays, weddings, trips. But like, oh, my God, have some self-control. I do understand it, though. I understand being like, I can't spend one more minute.

• 1:05:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then alcohol gets involved and you say the thing.

• 1:05:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, I'm sober. I know. I've been sober for, somebody's been sober for seven days. Oh my gosh. Yeah, a lot of stuff on vacations, a lot of stuff, a lot of parking lot breakups at the airport on a delay in Switzerland with his whole family.

• 1:05:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, in the car, I see. I don't know. And there's just so many different, I mean, we have such a large age range. You know, people were talking about dorms and stuff, like dorm lobbies. And so, I mean, there's just so many stages of life when we talk about this kind of stuff. But I do feel like, have I ever broken up in a car? It feels like I have. It feels like an okay place.

• 1:05:56Rayna Greenberg?

  I had a parking lot fight the other day. It just feels like a nice place to have a fight.

• 1:05:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I'm okay with a parking lot. Can I pick you up? Can we take a, take a drive? I don't know. It doesn't, I'm not mad about it. It's neutral.

• 1:06:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Are we in their car? I don't want somebody to pick me up in a car to break up. Grow up.

• 1:06:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, but you don't want it to be in the house.

• 1:06:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I had a parking lot fight with somebody the other day. And it was nice. It was cathartic. We were walking through the parking lot yelling at each other. And then we got in the car and we made up. But...

• 1:06:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, Raina, you don't want to have it in your house. Where do you want it?

• 1:06:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Thank you for asking. I wanted, I wanted you to their place.

• 1:06:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:06:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I want to be there and they can break up with me and I can leave.

• 1:06:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  What if they live in Los Feliz?

• 1:06:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Just FaceTime me.

• 1:06:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, FaceTime.

• 1:06:38Rayna Greenberg?

  No, you're right. If they live somewhere else and they're gonna break up with me, I seriously, they, they should drive to me.

• 1:06:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And then get in the car and do a lap. Spin the block.

• 1:06:46Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, do it in the parking lot, outside of my house.

• 1:06:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so, we are just gonna take a quick break and then we're gonna do the question that is my personal favorite.

• 1:06:54Rayna Greenberg?

  You didn't even want to do it. You're like, what does that mean? And I was like, it's open to interpretation.

• 1:06:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  I am telling you guys about hers. Okay, so we were talking about health. So, more important than ever, as Raina knows. And of course, I mean, there's such a spectrum of health concerns, but how many times have you brought up the same health concern, only to feel rushed through an appointment when there is no time for nuance? It can be hard to truly feel heard. And that's where hers comes in. Because traditional healthcare often feels like it's built for efficiency, not real life. So, if you've ever wanted a health plan that actually fits your schedule, your symptoms, and your priorities, you're not asking for too much. Hers is rethinking the outdated healthcare system to finally give women what they deserve. Care that's convenient, supportive, built around their real needs, and backed by experts in women's health. It is not one size fits all, but ongoing support that fits your life. You are just going to start with a free online medical intake form that goes beyond the basics. So you can explain what you're experiencing.

• 1:07:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  And if something feels off, but you aren't sure what hers also offers access to in-depth lab testing to give you real clarity. Then if eligible, a licensed medical provider will determine right for you treatment plan options that go beyond just medicine with diet and lifestyle guidance. Hers offers comprehensive care entirely online for the health concerns women don't want to navigate alone. Reach out 24/7 with any questions or help adjusting your plan. It's care that helps you move forward instead of staying stuck. So feeling like yourself again, doesn't feel so far away. It's time you get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start your free intake at forhers.com. That's F O R H E R S dot com, forhers.com.

• 1:08:15Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, I'm telling you guys about SKIMS. You know, it's like truly the only bras and underwear they wear. It's the bra that I'm wearing right now. I love the amount of sizes they have. I like the versatility. I like the quality. I gift it to people. So one of the things I love and I wear constantly is the SKIMS Everyday Cotton. So it comes in underwear and bras. But if you can't find like a great bra with like cotton fabric that you love, this is really it for you. I sleep with it every night and my sister-in-law gave birth and she was looking for some postpartum bras. I recommended these as well. And it's just like something comfortable to wear all day long. It's the only bra. I don't feel like I have to like rip off my body. It really is just like a dream bra and I wear it under every outfit. It's comfortable, obviously seamless. I'm wearing like a cocoa brown one right now. I have it in tan, I have it in black and there's tons of cute underwear to match also. So.

• 1:08:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just love cotton, just like that's what I want on my vagina, quite honestly. I want like, that's the fabric I don't want. I don't want like poly, 100% polyester on my pussy. So I was just, I wore these, I just traveled in them recently. So comfy.

• 1:09:13Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, and it's travel panty.

• 1:09:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's comfy.

• 1:09:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I love the fabrics they do and they just released the Everyday Cotton Ultimate Bra. So it has the same brown as an iconic lift. It like feels even better in the Everyday Cotton. So especially under a tee shirt, I don't think you get better. So I mean, wear it on planes, where to sleep in, where to travel. I pretty much always have a SKIMS bra on wherever I go. You can shop Everyday Cotton and all of my favorite bras and underwear at SKIMS.com. And after you place your order, be sure to let them know that we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show.

• 1:09:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  In the dropdown menu that follows.

• 1:09:48Rayna Greenberg?

  She saw some scams.

• 1:09:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so we put on our Instagram story, the best time to break up with someone. And I had sent Raina my ideas for the prompts, and then I saw this when she went rogue. And I said, what does this mean? And she was like, whatever people think it means. And it's so funny, because the answers are like, when you know it's not right. And then Friday afternoon. Like, the way people interpreted, I love our audience, that some people took it in like, what stage of the relationship, when should you do this? And other people were like, day and time.

• 1:10:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Time of day. A lot of people picked seasons, a lot of people said spring. Spring came up, oh, because it's about to be summer.

• 1:10:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:10:25Rayna Greenberg?

  And so, you know, you like, you can go have like a sexy slutty summer.

• 1:10:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:10:29Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot of people picked days of the week, obviously Friday came up a lot.

• 1:10:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, Friday, Friday afternoon, Friday evening, came up.

• 1:10:35Rayna Greenberg?

  That's when you fire people.

• 1:10:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, this was literally like the same, same concept, but.

• 1:10:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Break up with me during the work week?

• 1:10:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, and then in the morning, if you break up with someone Monday morning, you're a monster.

• 1:10:46Rayna Greenberg?

  That's diabolical.

• 1:10:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:48Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't care about me at all.

• 1:10:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, what did I do on a random Wednesday? Just spring, I love that. Friday after work. I mean, I do like that as a person getting broken up with, so you can be with your girls for the weekend.

• 1:11:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, give me the weekend.

• 1:11:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Or give me the summer.

• 1:11:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, how do you feel about around the holidays?

• 1:11:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I feel like that came up a lot, like before the holidays. And we've always said that, because the holidays of when you might spend together, family, friends.

• 1:11:15Rayna Greenberg?

  So like right before the holidays, fine.

• 1:11:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I mean, it's, we always talk about how guys wait until the last minute. They just procrastinate, procrastinate, and that's where the blindside it comes from. Because you have not been warned. And so, before the holidays, Halloween or Thanksgiving Eve?

• 1:11:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Halloween is not a holiday. That's the holidays.

• 1:11:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  I meant, that's prior to the holidays, October 31st, like that's.

• 1:11:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, right.

• 1:11:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  We have three weeks till Thanksgiving.

• 1:11:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I was, I think around, like, let's circle around Halloween, right?

• 1:11:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Early November.

• 1:11:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Early November, don't ruin my Halloween. But I would like to reserve the right to not ruin all of my holidays with you and create even more memories with you.

• 1:11:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Someone wrote, early fall, August, or spring, March through April.

• 1:12:02Rayna Greenberg?

  All that's, that's the whole year.

• 1:12:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  But then I love the people that are like, when you realize it's not right, you know, like it's very funny, the way people interpreted this. Cause if that girl realizes, early fall, spring girl, if she realizes she doesn't want to be with somebody in the winter, is she going to see it through till it's appropriate?

• 1:12:17Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot of people would. I think a lot of people in colder cities and states are like, I'll just do this for the winter. What else am I doing? I just feel like when I have decided that I'm going to break up with you, like I feel things very like deeply and extremely, it's not the best quality in the world, honestly. It makes me delightful, but like when I've decided, like when I've rung the bell, I can't like unring the bell, like your touch will give me the creeps. Your presence will make me insane. Like I will, I will have decided I'm going to break up with you and then everything you do, I will use that as more evidence for me to break up. Like, I don't think I can last 48 hours before doing it.

• 1:12:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And it just depends. I mean, breakups are obviously a huge spectrum. I mean, there's a lot of breakups in a healthy, long-term relationship that are not a surprise.

• 1:13:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Absolutely.

• 1:13:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  And they could feel mutual, even if one person ripped the Band-Aid off first, you know, so it's just, it's hard to have this discussion because they're so different. I mean, there's truly breakups that one person thought it was going great and you just get dumped. And then there's breakups that have been a long time coming and it's mature and no one's screaming and crying. And so, you know.

• 1:13:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Like my Zoom breakup, we had had multiple conversations leading up to this, like we, I don't know why this analogy keeps coming up for me, but like we had hit a deer with our car. We had to shoot the deer in the head. I shot the deer in the head, but like, is that a crazy analogy?

• 1:13:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did I remember this? Oh, that didn't happen.

• 1:13:47Rayna Greenberg?

  No, we didn't actually.

• 1:13:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, one time?

• 1:13:52Rayna Greenberg?

  The relationship is the animal.

• 1:13:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, sorry. But remember those people hit a deer? And that guy shot it?

• 1:13:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, on the first date. It was an email we got into the podcast.

• 1:14:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:14:02Rayna Greenberg?

  In like 2018 and this girl was on a first date and they hit a deer and this guy took his gun out and shot the deer in the head.

• 1:14:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm sorry. I just had like a stroke. I was like, that was Reina? No.

• 1:14:13Rayna Greenberg?

  That guy was such, such a funny.

• 1:14:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, back to your analogy.

• 1:14:17Rayna Greenberg?

  We just, we knew that this relationship was over. It's just neither one of us could like pull the trigger. So I pulled the trigger. But like, I, except for my really, my fiancee walking in the door and leaving me the day after our engagement party, all the other like endings to a relationship I've had have been like, we knew that this was not going well.

• 1:14:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't think I've had somebody walk in and dump me like that, except for the biggest one.

• 1:14:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I know. I think about the first breakup with my ex, which we would then go on to just break up and get back together a million times. And it was so unhealthy and it was so toxic, but I did not think we were going to break up. And we had just gotten a Christmas tree stand. We hadn't got the tree yet. So we were preparing for Christmas. And I was just like, we went to Target, we got the Christmas tree stand. I mean, this is obviously so many years ago. And then we broke up and like, I was like, I still have to get the tree. And I was like crying at Home Depot. Like, I just can't like, I remember thinking we were never going to break up, even though the writing is so on the wall. We are so toxic. We are terrible. We're like the worst couple at the party. We're ruining everyone's time. And I still just didn't think we were going to break up. So I can relate to that situation too, where you're like, I thought

• 1:15:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  we were committed and in it. And it is right before the holidays. And I just didn't see this coming. And it was awful.

• 1:15:29Rayna Greenberg?

  I thought we were committed to this toxicity.

• 1:15:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:31Rayna Greenberg?

  And we were going to both be in it.

• 1:15:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  And then I remember him, I was like, please don't do this, you know? And he was like, okay, I just need some time to think. And I was like, well, we're gonna be fine. Like, we're, we've gotten through harder times. And I remember he called me, and I was in the car, I was driving to go meet Jenny, maybe, and someone else at Superica, this restaurant in Atlanta. And he told me, like, it was over. And I went to the bathroom, like, melted down. It was awful. But like, it was just like, there were so many different pieces of the finality of it. And then obviously, we lived together at the time, Dewey, and it was a disaster. But it's, it's so painful, even when it's like, obvious. If you're like me, and you're like, we're not gonna break up over this, though. This terrible relationship's not gonna end.

• 1:16:10Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, that's such an interesting dynamic, which I've never been in. I've been in every other terrible dynamic. But do you guys break up and you fight so much that like, it doesn't mean anything?

• 1:16:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. I mean, but that was the first one. Like, after that, then it stopped meaning stuff. And then I stopped being like, I can't tell people we broke up again. But that was the first one. And I mean, I remember. Going home for the holidays, like going home for Christmas. And it was so awful. This is when I went to take that walk in the woods and I was like peeing and crying. Cause I was like, I got to the picnic spot. I was like, I gotta pee, but I'm like sobbing. I was like, this is a low moment. 30 degrees out, ass in the air, pussy out, crying, peeing on some dead leaves.

• 1:16:45Rayna Greenberg?

  Here's the worst feeling in the world.

• 1:16:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it was horrifying, but I just have to, we ask people then the worst, worst time to break up. And again, this is just more proof of how everyone is so different because someone said before the holidays. Of worst time.

• 1:16:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I know. I think some people are like, I would rather not have to go home and tell everybody about this. I'd rather you just get through the holidays with me. You break up with me on January 2nd.

• 1:17:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  I really want you guys in the comments of if you are breakup before the holidays or wait till after. I think this is too, like, probably really strong opinions on both of these things.

• 1:17:19Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, when I broke up with my fiance, it was like right before Thanksgiving. I had to just go home and tell everybody. I was in hell. I do understand being like, I just wanna, like, if I could cherry pick a date, it would not be during that time. Cause you gotta tell everybody. And I'd be so happy.

• 1:17:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you're this person who needs to do it. Once you, if you're speaking from how you are, you couldn't see through the hol- you couldn't like.

• 1:17:41Rayna Greenberg?

  There's no way I could just.

• 1:17:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  Power through the holidays.

• 1:17:43Rayna Greenberg?

  And I guess, I mean, there's so much context. Like if I've been with somebody for three months, six months, three years, five years, we have kids, we live together. Like, yeah, I could power through it.

• 1:17:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 1:17:53Rayna Greenberg?

  If we had a long time committed relationship, we lived together, we had children. There's like a million things to think about. Yeah, I could power through six weeks of holidays.

• 1:18:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And this is, are you in your twenties or in your forties? I mean, this is so different. Like I was a completely different person 10 years ago, 20 years ago, in terms of the way these things are handled. Cause yeah, you definitely certainly see couples who are separated and their, their kids don't know yet. You know, like you can put on a happy face for various reasons.

• 1:18:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I think I'm thinking like infancy stages, six months in, we're on a vacation or something. I'm like, I can't let you touch me.

• 1:18:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  And a lot of these worst time to break up are like when you're sick, when you just lost your job, when someone in the family just died. I mean, that's just like mean, but that is tough. Okay. So you wanna break up with somebody, you're ready. Can't stand them, you have to break up with them. You gotta do it. And their grandfather dies.

• 1:18:48Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so tough when people's like life events get into the way of your happiness.

• 1:18:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh my God, stop. But what do you, what do you do?

• 1:18:55Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it depends how much kindness you want to have for somebody. I mean, I, I hate the thought that you would kick somebody while they're down. Like,

• 1:19:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course.

• 1:19:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Why?

• 1:19:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  But are you going to go to the funeral and console them?

• 1:19:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I think so.

• 1:19:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I have no judgment either way.

• 1:19:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I don't know. I guess it depends also, why do you want to break up? Like, am I breaking up because like, we are so toxic and you treat me so badly and like, you've cheated on me and then like, sorry, I don't need to respect you. But like, if it's just like, I feel kind of unhappy here, then I think that like, I could see it through because I respect you.

• 1:19:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, the relationship matters. Was the grandpa an asshole? Who'd he vote for?

• 1:19:33Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:19:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did your grandpa vote for Trump three times? You're, I'm dumping you. Good riddance.

• 1:19:38Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm not going to his funeral. I might go to celebrate.

• 1:19:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, RP. But it would be tough. Like, it would be tough. And then, when? Because then,

• 1:19:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, what's the appropriate amount of time?

• 1:19:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  A week.

• 1:19:52Rayna Greenberg?

  I think a week.

• 1:19:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Post funeral.

• 1:19:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I feel like my Zoom breakup, he wasn't ruining my life. It was just like, time to rip the Band-Aid off. It was just like, I can't keep having conversations with you, knowing that like, this is the imminent end. But like, I wasn't in hell. He wasn't being terrible to me. So if something bad happened to his life, I would have stuck around if I had to.

• 1:20:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like, someone said after their mom dies, it's like, I can't even imagine, like, I truly can't, like, for both parties, if this relationship is not working and something that tragic happens, how you navigate it.

• 1:20:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  And like, you could be leaning on this person and they are wanting to break up with you.

• 1:20:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:20:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know. It's so sad. Okay. So, the last thing we wanted to discuss is, if you want a warning shot of a breakup, and again, I think there are a lot of relationships, we know this is over, we just need to rip the Band-Aid off. But-

• 1:20:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. This feels like a lose-lose to me. Like, if someone hints that the breakup is coming, you spend the day or the week waiting around until it happens, spiraling. But if they act like everything is fine, day of, week of, leading up to it, and then they come over and dump you, then you're blindsided. Like, what would you prefer?

• 1:21:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know. It's like, all of the answers are bad, right? Like, you're gonna be in pain, but like, I think that what I could move on from quicker, what I could heal from quicker is like, having somebody like had a couple of discussions with me ahead of time, and we really cannot come to a conclusion that we can both be happy and move forward together. Like, I wanna know that this is kind of maybe not my forever person, and this is the final conversation, and they've ended it with some respect and some kindness for me, and that will not create psychological issues for me forever. However, what I will say about like the true blind side, my ex-fiance, middle of the night, I'm leaving you. I didn't have to go through the negotiation phase with him of like, should we stay together? Let's keep talking. We never spoke again.

• 1:21:48Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, until many years later, but like, there was no texting, bargaining, maybe we should go to therapy, maybe we should talk. Like, there was, I immediately was in the like, let's try to deal with the fallout from this phase. I got to skip the negotiation phase.

• 1:22:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Guys are listening to this like, oh, so that's how to do it. Got noted.

• 1:22:09Rayna Greenberg?

  I would not wish, I would not wish that pain on anybody, but like, I guess the silver lining is like, I knew where, I knew a position I was in, like that, it's time to try to figure out how to like, pick the pieces back up.

• 1:22:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I remember one guy, we were dating, I would say, exclusive, but not boyfriend-girlfriend, calling back to Nico's episode. Like, we weren't dating other people, we were dating, and we just weren't a match. Like, when I look back, I'm like, I don't know what it was that made me, I don't know what place in my life I was, I just wanted somebody, and he didn't give me a lot, so I wanted more, and but he just like, always knew he wasn't a good match, and It was like, it was time to call it. And I remember, however it played out, like, we were gonna have a phone call that night. But like, all day, I just spiraled. And I wouldn't do that today. I was just a different person. Like, I would be able to like, call my nervous system and be like, what's meant to be will be. And, you know, the self-talk and all of that. But it's just, it's so hard.

• 1:23:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, do you want a warning shot or not? I mean, everybody is, would be totally different with this too. And again, if it's, a breakup is a negative thing that hurts. So it's like, it's a lose-lose because it's not a good situation, no matter what. There's no perfect

• 1:23:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  situation. But that is tough. I was remember being like, I can't work. Like, I can't function. Like, all day, I'm spiraling. Like, because I wasn't sure if that phone call that night was gonna be like, I really want to work it out. You're hoping it will be, even though, even if you know that's not your match. I mean, I was like 26, 27 years old. Like, of course, I'm hoping that he's gonna be like, no, I love you, and let's work it out. And he broke up with me. But I was like, this is, this is a tough day.

• 1:23:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, let me ask you another question. How much information do you want? If this is gonna end regardless, that they, the person has made up their mind, the relationship is over, or you've made up your mind, how much do we share with the other person?

• 1:23:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know.

• 1:23:56Rayna Greenberg?

  And this, to me, by the way, is loaded, again, by like, how long have we really been together? Like, do we, have we shared years and years together? Yeah, you're gonna need to give me some information. But, okay, I would like to answer.

• 1:24:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know. I'd have to maybe like, think about that before I like, fully answer. I think guys have been pretty honest with me. Like, this just, for various reasons, it's not working. I feel this certain type of way with you. Like, I got it. I got what they're saying, even though I was like, hurt and maybe like insulted from time to time. But looking back, I like, I think they were trying to do right by me and like, give me something. So I guess, like, something that's substantial, but not mean and insulting, and I can never unhear it.

• 1:24:38Rayna Greenberg?

  That's a good line. Because I think some people are like, it's not me, it's you. It's like, well, it's a little bit of me. So can I have like, a little bit of texture? Like, it's the not knowing, it's the not, like, your, your brain is just on this loop, it can't close the loop. Like, it's the not knowing anything that I think is so torturous to people, that they're like, I just, I need some type of information.

• 1:24:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:58Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, if it's not you, it's me. But why? Why don't you see this as like, I told somebody, like, I don't think we're growing in the same direction.

• 1:25:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I don't know that I need to pepper in a bunch of other information. I think he got it. I mean, it's tough, because, again, like, Twenties versus thirties versus forties. I've gotten to a place, I think we've, we've spoken about this before of you're just not the one. Like you're, I'm, I'm not in love with you and I don't think I'm going to fall in love with you. I don't think I want to commit to you. Like these things sound really harsh. Like, I think sometimes one person is really trying to be gentle and you have to tell yourself that's what they're saying to you. Like you have to tell yourself, like, I'm not the one, just like so and so wasn't the one for me, the last person I broke up with. Like you have to translate it into like, I am great and someone else will find me great. But like, this was not my person.

• 1:25:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  And unfortunately they figured that out before I did. And this is maybe just my ego being bruised.

• 1:25:53Rayna Greenberg?

  So who is your ego? I said that exact speech to somebody. I said, like, I just, I think the romantic part of our relationship has run its course. And I don't think you're in love with me and I'm not in love with you. And I don't think we're gonna be. So like, let's just call it. And like, we actually are selling each other's lives. I don't know, he just won't leave me alone, but like 12 years later.

• 1:26:13Rayna Greenberg?

  But like saying to him, like, I don't think you're in love with me first. Like at least just putting the ball on his court, being like, you don't like me either.

• 1:26:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, they could push back on that, but yeah, I think it's, I think it's a tactic for sure.

• 1:26:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. And I mean, that was like a really nice, easy out and he didn't ask for a bunch of questions. And I didn't have to give him a bunch of answers.

• 1:26:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think you can learn from some of these reality shows. Like what you don't want to do is, you've seen this on The Bachelor where someone is getting broken up with and they lead with like, you think they're about to propose. Like, I really feel like it can come across being bamboozled, but I like a, like, start with a compliment. I've really like loved getting to know you. I've had such a good time, this and that. Like say it in a tone where you know there's a but coming, just like, but I don't see this long-term. I really wanted to give this a shot and you're such a great person, but I don't think this is a long-term match. Like someone is, might ask for more information.

• 1:27:05Rayna Greenberg?

  But like, sure, but what you just said was like eight seconds. It's like a perfect, like eight to 10 seconds. And like, that will free somebody from having to go to therapy for years.

• 1:27:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:27:14Rayna Greenberg?

  If you just say that to somebody.

• 1:27:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:15Rayna Greenberg?

  It's just, it's people ghosting me and disrespecting me and not being honest to me. Like, long-term, that's the thing that's herded them up. Herded.

• 1:27:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And again, years long, you're not going to get to do that at 30 seconds. I don't think, I think you owe someone more. So. You know, good luck out there, you guys. And thanks for sharing with us, as always.

• 1:27:35Rayna Greenberg?

  God, you guys are so funny and smart.

• 1:27:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:37Rayna Greenberg?

  And just amazing. And I can't believe all the places you guys have broken up. It's insane.

• 1:27:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, well, girlsgottaeat.com, girlsgottaeatpodcast on Instagram and TikTok. I am Ash Hess. My special, Here Comes the Bride, will be out on April 30th on YouTube and May 1st on Prime Video. So stay tuned for everything there. I'm going to be posting on my Instagram, Ash Hess, like I mentioned. Raina is rainagreenberg.com for our tour tickets. Make-up dates in Salt Lake and Nashville on sale now. Okay. And again, you can always watch full video on YouTube and Spotify. Shop Vibes only. And we just want to let you guys know, there is not going to be a snack this Thursday.

• 1:28:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Have a good week, guys.

• 1:28:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bye.

• 1:28:45Speaker 02

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