Our Favourite Canadian(s) w/ Ian Bagg | Your Mom's House Ep. 829

SPONSORS: - Shop, save, and SCOOOORE today at https://Wayfair.com. - For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/YMH. - Go to https://ThriveMarket.com/YMH to get 30% off your first order and a free $60 gift. - If you’re 21+, try VIIA! For 15% off AND a free gift with your first order head to https://viia.co/YMH and use code YMH! #viiaparter Tom Segura and Christina P are back in Studio Jeans with one of their all-time favorite guests—comedian Ian Bagg! The Mommies dive right in with Ian’s trademark razor-sharp crowd-work style and wild storytelling, picking up where they left off after years of friendship and touring together. Ian shares hilarious memories from their trip to South Africa, including Apartheid Museum awkwardness, getting clowned by local comics, and Bobby Lee’s infamous run-in with some unlucky robbers. They also talk about the chaos of comedy festivals, the strange hierarchy among comics, and what it’s like navigating green rooms, promoters, and fans before a big "Blacks Only" show. Before Ian joins in, Tom and Christina debate a relationship fights where someone says “Nobody cares,” check out a clip of a dude threatening to eat a strangers’ ass, debut some now censored art, get raw with emotion, and take a bite of Fancy Chef's big chocolate bar. Strap in, Jeans, because Baggles is back! Your Mom’s House Ep. 829 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:08:12 - Opening Clip: Buy Christina's New Lipstick 00:14:16 - Clip: Dear Jennifer 00:16:49 - Art Update 00:19:26 - "Nobody Cares" Email 00:31:01 - Clip: Bite Of Your Sexy Ass 00:34:01 - The Main Mommies Get Emotional 00:41:43 - Clip: Fancy Chocolate Bar 00:44:35 - Ian Bagg: Comedy In South Africa 00:52:16 - Green Room 01:01:31 - Clip: Angry Aussie Politician 01:03:11 - Other Canadians & Will Blunderfield 01:12:00 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:19:33 - Iraqi Influencer 01:26:05 - Private Videos In Public 01:31:53 - Black Magic 01:35:17 - TikToks 01:47:20 - Clip: Relationship Advice 01:50:28 - Clip: Not A Real Cop 01:51:03 - Rope Prep & After Care 01:55:47 - Wrap Up 01:56:57 - Closing Song - "Fart Mic" by DJ Fartmoose Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Will you guys be upset if I do it in English?

• 0:03Tom Segura?

  That's okay.

• 0:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you do it your way. You do it Niana's way. Okay. I don't know any other languages. They don't speak any other language?

• 0:09Tom Segura?

  Talaga or something?

• 0:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Tuglgalgagag?

• 0:23Tom Segura?

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• 1:06Tom Segura?

  and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of the year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more, or visit cigarsinternational.com/ymh and the discount applies automatically. Some exclusions apply. Muganda umaga, everyone. Wow, that's pretty cool. Welcome to the diverse world of Your Mom's House. Muganda munchaka.

• 1:39Tom Segura?

  I guess that's more any.

• 1:42Tom Segura?

  But fucking crazy.

• 1:46Tom Segura?

  It's fucking 10:30.

• 1:50Tom Segura?

  Gosa, gosa.

• 1:54Tom Segura?

  How did they do it, remember? Nigga, that was like fucking, that was some A-Rap shit. Don't you? You can't, you can't, "Alaala," what the fuck was that? You can't, you don't do that shit. Don't you have to go out into the woods right now and grab lunch somewhere? What the fuck?

• 2:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Annie is very tall and slender.

• 2:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  If we dropped him somewhere in Namibia, he could easily pass.

• 2:16Tom Segura?

  Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna fuck shit up. No problem. He'd be like, they are, he's home. Great.

• 2:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think he would whip them into shape, though? Like, he would, he would be their leader, probably, very quickly.

• 2:29Tom Segura?

  I don't know how receptive they would be to like, oh, the new guy's here, he's the leader. I don't think so.

• 2:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's different.

• 2:35Tom Segura?

  I think they would be like, what's with all the clothes? And, um, yeah, just kind of go from there.

• 2:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 2:41Tom Segura?

  But Muha Galala Diana, um, is a half Filipino.

• 2:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I forget about that.

• 2:47Tom Segura?

  Right?

• 2:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've totally forgotten that. A quarter.

• 2:49Tom Segura?

  A quarter, sorry, a quarter.

• 2:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 2:52Tom Segura?

  Well, it's still something. So am I, by the way. You're a quarter Filipino? Yeah.

• 2:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:56Tom Segura?

  I always forget that. Yeah, everybody forgets that.

• 2:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tanner is also Filipino.

• 3:01Tom Segura?

  Jesus, that's enough. Can we put a fucking hiring freezing place?

• 3:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're telling me.

• 3:07Tom Segura?

  Jesus, three Filipinos? It's insane.

• 3:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't even know that we're Filipinos in Texas. We brought them.

• 3:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  We brought all three.

• 3:15Tom Segura?

  Jesus, that's, that's a lot.

• 3:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:19Tom Segura?

  Well, um, anyway, we're done with that shit. You don't have to worry about any more of those. Uh, welcome to another episode. I'm here with, uh,

• 3:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nori.

• 3:28Tom Segura?

  And I'm Tom, and we are.

• 3:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mopah.

• 3:31Tom Segura?

  We're excited. Today's gonna be a lot of fun.

• 3:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, man.

• 3:34Tom Segura?

  One of our all-time faves is coming in. This can be fun.

• 3:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's an old-school guest, and we went to South Africa.

• 3:40Tom Segura?

  We did. Yeah, we actually did. We, we, we saw it all there.

• 3:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I miss him so much.

• 3:45Tom Segura?

  The dyed orange beards and.

• 3:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so cool.

• 3:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I can't wait to see, um, Bagels.

• 3:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Um, real quick, of course, Happy Rosh Hashanah. I know that there's, um, this is coming out, I believe, during Rosh Hashanah. Is that right?

• 4:00Speaker 03

  Oh yeah.

• 4:01Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah.

• 4:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I see you wore your especially Jewish hair.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 4:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what's going on?

• 4:07Speaker 03

  It's terrible, but it's okay.

• 4:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is terrible.

• 4:09Speaker 03

  You know what? I finally tried to embrace the Jew.

• 4:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  And I'm doing it to celebrate Rosh Hashanah.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  I am a fucking Jew.

• 4:19Tom Segura?

  Didn't you have the Jew for as a kid?

• 4:21Speaker 03

  As a kid, yeah.

• 4:22Tom Segura?

  That's sick.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  It wasn't. It was terrible.

• 4:25Tom Segura?

  No, that's sick.

• 4:25Speaker 03

  I'm bringing it back.

• 4:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whatever you had before was much better, don't you think, Tom?

• 4:30Tom Segura?

  I don't, I kind of dig this. I feel like we're watching him evolve and change, you know? Like, he's turning into like a real adult, so you gotta kind of fuck with different looks. Yeah, I love the stash.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  I appreciate it. I don't know if I believe you, but thank you.

• 4:43Tom Segura?

  No, I do. I like the stash.

• 4:45Speaker 03

  Christina hates it.

• 4:46Tom Segura?

  Oh, I like it.

• 4:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not interested.

• 4:48Tom Segura?

  I like it.

• 4:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you like about it?

• 4:50Tom Segura?

  Just, there's masculine energy that kind of comes off of him.

• 4:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. Josh is a very masculine young man.

• 4:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I don't like his bangs.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  You Jew motherfucker, you?

• 4:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Curly bangs are very hard to do.

• 5:02Speaker 03

  We push the bangs back.

• 5:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Push them back.

• 5:04Tom Segura?

  So I know it's, uh, this is, um, being recorded, obviously, before. Since you're taking off your holy day, what will you do on Rosh Hashanah?

• 5:12Speaker 03

  I'll say Happy New Year if I see a Jew, and that's about it, because I don't really know what else we do on this day.

• 5:19Tom Segura?

  You don't even know? You don't know what happens?

• 5:22Speaker 03

  Never in my life have we really done anything for Rosh Hashanah.

• 5:25Tom Segura?

  Your family never did anything growing up?

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Yom Kippur is what comes like after it, I think, and you like fast and repent or whatever.

• 5:32Tom Segura?

  Did you guys do that?

• 5:33Speaker 03

  My dad would do it, yeah.

• 5:35Tom Segura?

  Just your dad?

• 5:35Speaker 03

  I'd try a little bit, but it sucks.

• 5:39Tom Segura?

  So Rosh Hashanah, though, nothing?

• 5:41Speaker 03

  We would do nothing.

• 5:42Tom Segura?

  No, is it, like, what's traditionally done? Like, service, gifts?

• 5:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm su-

• 5:46Tom Segura?

  A big dinner?

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm sure. They go to, they go to temple, they eat a bunch of shitty food.

• 5:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it really shitty?

• 5:53Tom Segura?

  You're an exemplary Jew, man.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  I'm a terrible Jew.

• 5:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, is it the matzo, like, the unleavened stuff?

• 5:58Speaker 03

  That's Passover.

• 6:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you guys eat? I mean, what's, uh, like, fucking Creplok soup? And the good stuff that I like? Loks? You guys have loks and bagels on Rosh Hashanah?

• 6:09Speaker 03

  I think, uh, a lot of, like, dry shitty chicken.

• 6:14Tom Segura?

  Do you guys, do you other, uh, people types, do you guys do something special for, like, Filipino special holidays?

• 6:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 6:24Tom Segura?

  No.

• 6:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think they're just happy to be here.

• 6:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  And not in the Philippines.

• 6:28Tom Segura?

  Wow. Philippines are great, though.

• 6:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you been?

• 6:31Tom Segura?

  No, but I've heard wonderful things.

• 6:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it's, uh, I think it's great if you're really rich.

• 6:36Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you're not, it's not that great.

• 6:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I heard you can get a house really cheap.

• 6:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:41Tom Segura?

  That's pretty cool. That is cool.

• 6:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you can have a live-in servant who sleeps in your laundry room. Isn't that true?

• 6:47Tom Segura?

  Jeez.

• 6:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I'm serious. You can have like a slave, like a live-in.

• 6:50Tom Segura?

  That's a different word, but okay, you just said live-in servant.

• 6:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, but they barely pay them anything. And then I saw this documentary where like, on the servant's day off, or one day off, they go into like the city center and they play card games and they talk. It's all, they're all cramped up together. It's terrible.

• 7:06Tom Segura?

  This is, wow.

• 7:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  What, am I wrong? Neon, have you been there?

• 7:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, my, um, family lives below the poverty line there, so it's a one-bedroom house with 20 people and the live-in maid is my aunt that's deaf and mute and she sleeps in the backyard.

• 7:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Told you.

• 7:24Tom Segura?

  You were, yeah, you were shockingly accurate.

• 7:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, you never believe me. I know these things. I have Filipino friends.

• 7:30Tom Segura?

  Shockingly accurate.

• 7:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Remember my Filipino friend back in?

• 7:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, of course.

• 7:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  She'd tell me this stuff and she'd make lumpia for us and all that stuff.

• 7:36Tom Segura?

  Okay, well, I'll go out and just say this. I'd like to visit the Philippines.

• 7:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go ahead.

• 7:41Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 7:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is there a Four Seasons there?

• 7:43Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 7:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause Tom, uh, stands, uh, normal.

• 7:46Tom Segura?

  I want the real experience.

• 7:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  The real, with the people?

• 7:49Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 7:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 7:50Tom Segura?

  Yes. Yes.

• 7:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sure Neon's family, like, I'm sure they're the nicest people in the world and they'll put you up because they're so sweet.

• 7:59Tom Segura?

  What about you, Annie? Do you ever visit family in the Philippines? Uh, no, I'm pretty sure all my Filipino family is here. Okay. Yeah, I don't think I have any in.

• 8:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good move, buddy. Good move.

• 8:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this is where it's at.

• 8:14Tom Segura?

  All right.

• 8:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was just telling Tom this morning about

• 8:16Tom Segura?

  Fun times.

• 8:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  when I would go to Hungary, like right when communism fell.

• 8:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I ordered spaghetti in 1990 or whatever, and they brought me pasta with ketchup on it. And I was like, what the fuck is this?

• 8:29Tom Segura?

  What's this?

• 8:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  They don't have tomato. There's no, there's no sauce here. There's like nothing in 1990.

• 8:35Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 8:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's pretty shitty.

• 8:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Kind of cool, though.

• 8:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I guess if you don't live there.

• 8:42Tom Segura?

  One of my sisters, she lived for a summer in the Republic of Georgia.

• 8:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 8:46Tom Segura?

  And when we got, she got back, we were like, what was the food like? She goes, we ate flowers a lot. Like, we would just eat the petals of a flower.

• 8:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang.

• 8:55Tom Segura?

  All right.

• 8:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's better now, though.

• 8:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, this was 93 or 94.

• 9:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's wild that they let her go alone to the Republic of Georgia. I'm not sure I'd want to go there now. Alone as a lady.

• 9:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'd check it out.

• 9:10Tom Segura?

  I'm curious.

• 9:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're curious, Cosby.

• 9:12Tom Segura?

  I'm curious, Cosby. Um, all right. Ready to start the show?

• 9:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 9:15Tom Segura?

  We've got some good stuff for you, man.

• 9:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, bro.

• 9:16Tom Segura?

  Here we go.

• 9:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dog.

• 9:19Speaker 05

  Hello, my name is Sandra.

• 9:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, Sandra.

• 9:23Speaker 05

  Give me a fala. I've only been with one man in my life, and we're divorced.

• 9:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 9:30Speaker 05

  Looking for men.

• 9:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 9:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love her.

• 9:35Speaker 06

  Who is Randy?

• 9:36Speaker 07

  Don't bring anyone mothering to this. Your mama the fucking dead.

• 9:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm divorced.

• 9:42Tom Segura?

  A fala.

• 9:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  To your man's house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:57Tom Segura?

  This is one of my

• 9:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  We love her.

• 10:00Tom Segura?

  favorite uses of social media.

• 10:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, me too.

• 10:03Tom Segura?

  This is really good.

• 10:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom.

• 10:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Little.

• 10:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Give me a follow. Do you know, do you realize that this lady is my new model for my lipstick?

• 10:35Tom Segura?

  Oh, wow.

• 10:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 10:36Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's great.

• 10:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's the one. And I have this new shade coming out. It's gonna come out later.

• 10:42Tom Segura?

  That is exclusive to Sandra and you?

• 10:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. She's my first official TikTok influencer.

• 10:48Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 10:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's wearing one of my new shades. You're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it. And I've got four other colors. ChristinaP.com. Buy your lipsticks here. Okay, they're so good. But yes, Sandra's testing, test piloting a few different things. What do you think? She got your attention.

• 11:03Tom Segura?

  She got my attention in more than one way. I think the lipstick is the first thing you notice. Then you notice other things, but the lipstick is great. So don't forget to get Christina P's, you know, Perfect Red or Berlin or...

• 11:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Madison or Atomic Red. Something for everyone.

• 11:18Tom Segura?

  There's something for everyone.

• 11:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, we chose this color for her shading.

• 11:21Tom Segura?

  What do you think of just putting it out there like this? I guess this is...

• 11:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the only way as a woman. And it says everything. She says everything.

• 11:30Tom Segura?

  What do you think of the choice of doing a social media call for love as opposed to just getting on a dating site where it's designed for that?

• 11:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll tell you what. I think it's a little better to go on TikTok and just put it out there. I'm the worst.

• 11:44Tom Segura?

  Versus getting on Hinge or...

• 11:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  One man. Cause I can do a deep dive on your posts, on your socials.

• 11:51Tom Segura?

  Oh, really see who you are.

• 11:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  And really get in there. Whereas I guess on the apps, I'd have to like hunt for you.

• 11:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, either way, you guys know what to do. Go, go on Instagram. I think this is from Instagram and...

• 12:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Give me a follow.

• 12:05Tom Segura?

  Give her a follow.

• 12:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Give me a follow.

• 12:06Tom Segura?

  Give her a follow and see if, maybe you're single. Maybe you're looking for someone.

• 12:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have to say...

• 12:11Tom Segura?

  She's only been with one guy.

• 12:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's the big selling point.

• 12:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm not run through. I'm not a fucking trash bag.

• 12:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm talking about. And I really like that for her.

• 12:19Tom Segura?

  I do too. She's like, you know, saving herself for somebody worthy.

• 12:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. I think she's gonna find that person, that man.

• 12:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  And she specifies, hey, I want a man. I've only had one D in me.

• 12:30Tom Segura?

  I'm available.

• 12:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm recently divorced.

• 12:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  And give me a fala.

• 12:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's four things I need.

• 12:36Tom Segura?

  So you like this?

• 12:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love it.

• 12:37Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 12:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's why she's the official spokesperson for my lipstick.

• 12:40Tom Segura?

  So there's one way of doing it. Another way, I've always been a big fan of when you use social media as a public forum to address one person.

• 12:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's my favorite.

• 12:52Tom Segura?

  I think that's one of the most clever things you can do is just publicly address one person.

• 12:58Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 13:42Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 14:16Tom Segura?

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• 15:01Tom Segura?

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• 15:17Speaker 04

  Jennifer, I hope you get this video. Yeah, on a 200-hour lithium batteries.

• 15:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 15:27Speaker 04

  You're only gonna get eight hours, no matter what.

• 15:30Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 15:30Speaker 04

  I got 5,000 BTU.

• 15:32Tom Segura?

  Oh shit.

• 15:33Speaker 04

  I'm probably running the same kind of water. And then I run my generator, charge up the batteries, because solar panels ain't gonna do that.

• 15:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I've heard.

• 15:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I have it ready for the next day. Try not to use any more than you have to.

• 15:47Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 15:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  I mean, everything showed up right now, see?

• 15:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I see that.

• 15:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  It's cool up and off in here where I don't need it. Yeah. Open a window or something if you can. Yeah, I got a 2,400-watt generator. And I run right off the batteries. I don't run them all down.

• 16:09Tom Segura?

  Right. See, and what's interesting is that this is for Jennifer, but everybody gets to see it. That's why I think it's cool.

• 16:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I think it's interesting, as somebody who just lives in the scaffolding of building. He elected not to put in insulation.

• 16:24Tom Segura?

  Well, he's in the attic. Yeah, it's cool. He's living in an attic.

• 16:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  So that's why he needs all those BTUs.

• 16:29Tom Segura?

  You know what we gotta start doing?

• 16:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  The energy just seeps right out.

• 16:32Tom Segura?

  We have to start doing public videos for one person.

• 16:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  For one person. Tom.

• 16:37Tom Segura?

  We have to start. I cannot believe.

• 16:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's Christina. Listen, Ellis is sick and needs cough syrup. Can you get some home?

• 16:43Tom Segura?

  Hey, Ryan, I saw what you sent. So what I'm using over at the house right now is there's these watered glass bottles that come. And it's just, you don't waste as much as with the plastic. Here's my setup. And this is just for Ryan.

• 16:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just for Ryan.

• 16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. But hey, kudos to him for even getting on TikTok.

• 17:02Tom Segura?

  Hey Kirk, we're moving the flight up to one. I don't know when you would get in town, but the airport is the same one we go out of.

• 17:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please start doing this.

• 17:09Tom Segura?

  I'll just start. I'll see you there. Okay.

• 17:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Will you start doing this? You know how furious people would be.

• 17:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Why are you fucking posting this? I'm like, so in case Kirk sees it. It's just for him.

• 17:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like back in the 90s when you'd have a dorm room and then you'd put like a Post-it note on your friend's door. Like, I fucking hope they see this. We changed the plan for the evening.

• 17:29Tom Segura?

  We used to have codes for I'm fucking.

• 17:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  No kidding.

• 17:33Tom Segura?

  Or I'm trying to get some in this room. So you'd put a certain color notepad on the door. That just meant, don't knock, don't try to come in.

• 17:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. What was your color?

• 17:41Tom Segura?

  I can't remember.

• 17:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brown. Chocolate.

• 17:43Tom Segura?

  Something like that. Yeah. It just meant like, keep walking. Don't knock. Yeah. I'm jacking my D right now.

• 17:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Speaking of jacking my D right now.

• 17:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck around and find out. Sold for 60,000 US dollars. Thank you.

• 17:57Tom Segura?

  You did it, man.

• 17:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I did it.

• 17:58Tom Segura?

  You just had the wrong price point.

• 18:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was the wrong price point. I made it more accessible, whatever. And now I'm selling prints of fuck around and find out. You can find that now on the YMH website. Yep. Sold. Gone.

• 18:09Tom Segura?

  Incredible.

• 18:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, are we, are we gone already?

• 18:13Tom Segura?

  That's the original.

• 18:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's not the posters, right? Anyway, the poster is there. You can buy an autographed print for a measly $50.

• 18:22Tom Segura?

  Wow, but that's the way a lot of people can get the great artwork.

• 18:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, and I've, I've decided after much going back and forth, I'm going to put Tom Segura Naked With The Bear, the original for sale on YMH.com. This one I'm gonna lower. The original will be on sale for 1,000 US dollars. And if you're wondering why my sticker is covering the best part of the picture, the drawing, obviously.

• 18:48Tom Segura?

  The terrifyingly accurate section.

• 18:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. We were flagged on, on the service that we're putting videos on.

• 18:55Tom Segura?

  They said it was, uh, you know, nudity.

• 18:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is-

• 18:58Tom Segura?

  Which is, it was barely nudity because it was barely there.

• 19:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's called art. You know, is Michelangelo's David lewd, lurid? No, it's art.

• 19:08Tom Segura?

  This is such an American thing.

• 19:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's an outrage.

• 19:10Tom Segura?

  Ameri- it's very American of like-

• 19:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 19:13Tom Segura?

  Is there a hint of nudity? What if somebody sees a, there was a fucking time where they were, they wanted to put cloth over the, the, like the, you know, the Statue of Justice? It's in some-

• 19:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, why? Show her tits or something?

• 19:27Tom Segura?

  Because the breasts are out and they're like, well, what the fuck? We gotta cover these up. It's like a statue of a breast. Okay.

• 19:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially because everybody has these parts and-

• 19:35Tom Segura?

  It's like, who's, who's flipping out that you saw a statue of a breast?

• 19:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's not like the other statue was sucking on that statue's titties.

• 19:44Tom Segura?

  No, it wasn't like there was nut all over the tits. That would be crazy.

• 19:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, here's your justice!

• 19:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, it's so crazy. It's crazy here.

• 19:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. They are very prude about that.

• 19:54Tom Segura?

  It's so weird.

• 19:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I'm fighting the good fight, Tom.

• 19:57Tom Segura?

  So you're making this an accessible price?

• 19:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, $1,000, the original for sale.

• 20:02Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 20:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  At YMH.com and, and then we'll see if I sell prints. I am for the people, thank you, and spreading my art through the world.

• 20:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's really cool.

• 20:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that is so funny. Why are Americans so uptight about dicks?

• 20:15Tom Segura?

  It's so weird, man.

• 20:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boobs and, there's like no nude, not a lot of nude beaches, whereas like Germans, always naked. They love it.

• 20:21Tom Segura?

  They're just not weird about the human body there.

• 20:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, they shouldn't be.

• 20:26Tom Segura?

  I know, I agree.

• 20:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:27Tom Segura?

  All right, this, um- This email came in and we're all, we've been marinating on it.

• 20:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like two weeks.

• 20:35Tom Segura?

  It's so interesting.

• 20:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:36Tom Segura?

  Should I read it?

• 20:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:38Tom Segura?

  Okay, it's actually addressed to you. So it says, Christina, I don't know if you'll ever see this, I hope you will. I'd like you to settle an argument between my husband and I. My husband, nobody cared a story of mine in front of a group of friends. So as in, I'm telling a funny story and he says, nobody cares. It's two days later and I'm still not talking to that motherfucker.

• 21:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:04Tom Segura?

  I've got 15 years of service in with this bastard and I can go much longer than two days. I think nobody cares and it wasn't that funny are two of the meanest things a person can say to someone who is a natural born comedian, in parentheses, me. As a real comedian, do you agree or am I being ridiculous? Thank you, Jen.

• 21:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jen, I mean, this sparked a hot debate.

• 21:30Tom Segura?

  It did, because here's the thing. One of the things that's being left out of this scenario is the context of what is happening. In other words, if you're just having a good old time hanging out with friends, somebody, let's say you in this case, tells a story and in that, hey, we're having fun atmosphere, I go, nobody cares. I think it's like, it's one of the most dismissive and rude things that somebody can say. It's really rude, right? Oh, boy.

• 22:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did it register? It's back, it's back. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate everybody that worked so hard to bring back the fart mic. I'm sorry, were you saying something?

• 22:22Tom Segura?

  So, that one, you know, but my question is like,

• 22:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:28Tom Segura?

  Okay, but paint the full picture.

• 22:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree.

• 22:31Tom Segura?

  What I'm saying is, were you being a fucking bitch all day?

• 22:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 22:35Tom Segura?

  Are you, are you kind of an asshole? Was the story one that ridiculed him?

• 22:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I was thinking.

• 22:41Tom Segura?

  Is that why it's funny?

• 22:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I was thinking.

• 22:42Tom Segura?

  It feels like we don't know, because like I said, if everything's great and anybody, whoever your spouse or girlfriend, boyfriend is, just goes, nobody cares, like, that's a real asshole thing to say. Why is this guy saying that? Is he saying it because he's just a huge dick?

• 23:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I think there's two possible scenarios. One is that the story is actually so bad and insufferable, and she's told it numerous times and it never gets a laugh, but she insists on telling the story. And he's like, he's heard it for 15 years and he's like, dude.

• 23:17Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 23:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody likes this bit. Stop doing the bit, Jen.

• 23:21Tom Segura?

  We need more information.

• 23:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  We need, but another one too, is maybe it is a story where he feels degraded and diminished.

• 23:29Tom Segura?

  That's another possibility.

• 23:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's been fucking 15 years of this. Nobody cares.

• 23:33Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 23:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Melissa, that one time I took out the trash and there was a hole in the bag and the trash fell out, everybody does that.

• 23:39Tom Segura?

  Right, right, right.

• 23:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  We just don't know, but as a blanket, like, just as on that, from what information she provides, like, could you even imagine?

• 23:46Tom Segura?

  That's what I'm saying. It's so clearly that he's in the wrong with the presentation of this story. I want to know.

• 23:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck.

• 23:54Tom Segura?

  Are you an asshole?

• 23:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:56Tom Segura?

  And is that why he's saying this?

• 23:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because that is such a dismissive thing.

• 24:00Tom Segura?

  It's terrible.

• 24:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's in, it's grounds for dismissal.

• 24:03Tom Segura?

  It's really bad.

• 24:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, if we were dating and I told the story and you go, nobody cares, I'd be like, oh, boy, we're, this is done.

• 24:10Tom Segura?

  While, while you're with a group?

• 24:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah.

• 24:13Tom Segura?

  And everyone's like, having a good time, just to, just to toss somebody a, nobody cares?

• 24:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, I think, I think she belittled him.

• 24:21Tom Segura?

  I think there's more to the story.

• 24:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  We have couple friends.

• 24:23Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 24:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where the woman constantly, constantly diminishes the man in front of everybody. Maybe that's the one time he stood up for himself.

• 24:34Tom Segura?

  All this is possible. And what, and look, to be clear, maybe you hear all of this, what we're saying, and you go, I understand your questions, none of those are true. We were just having a good old time.

• 24:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Jen.

• 24:45Tom Segura?

  And this guy tossed me a, nobody cares.

• 24:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Two days, I wouldn't talk to him for two years. If you said, "nobody cares." Comedians don't even do that to each other when a joke bombs in the room.

• 24:55Tom Segura?

  No.

• 24:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You never go, "nobody cares."

• 24:58Tom Segura?

  No.

• 24:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  If a heckler did that, you would fucking punch him in his stupid face, right?

• 25:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody cares.

• 25:04Tom Segura?

  "Nobody cares" is like a fucking Instagram comment. Like, it's really rarely said, you know what I mean, in front of people. Like, I guess if you were like, super tight and you guys have a rapport of like busting balls all the time, nobody cares. But like, there's also a way in which you say that to like, your friend, you know?

• 25:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have to say though, when a, particularly when like, a female celebrity posts some stupid selfie or like, something, and somebody goes, "nobody cares," in the comments, it makes my day every time. Because I would never do that, but I like when someone else does it.

• 25:39Tom Segura?

  That's nice.

• 25:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have that schadenfreude in me of like, "oh my god." Thrive Market isn't just convenient, it's a lifesaver. Now that school is back, I'm stocking up on all my family's must haves, from healthy snack packs, to high protein meals, to non-toxic cleaning supplies, making our morning routine a bit less hectic. Their groceries are high quality and no junk. Over 1,000 sketchy ingredients restricted, and all trusted by parents, so you can shop worry free. Thrive Market has been saving me so much time. Instead of running to three different stores or trying to vet every ingredient on a million

• 26:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  labels, Thrive lets you shop by diet, values, or even your kids' ever-changing food preferences. Because honestly, their taste changes weekly, of course, always. I've easily cut out artificial dyes and processed sugar with the healthy snacks they've been sending me. Some of our Thrive Market favorites are Annie's Fruit Snacks, they're just my kids' go-to, and they don't even know that it's like, healthy suckas. Organic Smoothie Meltz, Jolly Llama Ice Cream Cones, and my personal favorite, Poppy Sodas, the probiotic soda, I freaking love those. Go to ThriveMarket.com/YMH to get 30% off your first order and a free $60 gift.

• 27:06Tom Segura?

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• 27:48Tom Segura?

  If you're 21 and up, check out the link to Viya in our description and use the code Y M H to receive 15% off, free shipping on orders over $100. And if you're new to Viya, get a free gift of your choice. After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Enhance your everyday with Viya. I did kind of a nobody cares at one of these Emmy parties. Yeah, this lady comes up to me and, um, you know, she's in her evening gown and she was like, she had an accent. She was like, do you have a cigarette or a vape or something?

• 28:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or vape or something?

• 28:25Tom Segura?

  And I go, no, I have a nicotine pouch. And she goes, that's so gay. And I go, it's not as gay as a fucking vape like that. And I pointed in her face and she was like, okay, okay. And I'm like, so that's what I got. You want one? She was like, no. I'm like, okay, cool.

• 28:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, first of all, I agree with you.

• 28:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  What you do is not gay at all. It's very masculine. It's not gay in the least.

• 28:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's a gay lord. She's a fucking gay.

• 28:52Tom Segura?

  And I got to dismiss her in a fun way, too.

• 28:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 28:56Tom Segura?

  Cause um, I said that and I was like, so you don't want one? And she was like, no. I go, where are you from? She was like, it's Gais.

• 29:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gais.

• 29:02Tom Segura?

  And I was like, I don't know.

• 29:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gay town.

• 29:05Tom Segura?

  Norway, Denmark. No, no. And then I was like, all right, so where? She goes, well, guess. I go, I already guessed. And then I turned. Yeah.

• 29:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what? I'm so glad that you're rude to strange women in public. That really warms my heart.

• 29:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it was fun. It was fun to like, go like, I'm not interested, really. I was just being polite.

• 29:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 29:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like that you're mean to attractive women. That's cool.

• 29:29Tom Segura?

  Cool.

• 29:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I like male comics. They don't, they don't care.

• 29:33Tom Segura?

  No.

• 29:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  For hot chicks, because they've been beaten up by women.

• 29:36Tom Segura?

  Interested. I was like, fucking go suck on a vape somewhere else, lady.

• 29:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's my man.

• 29:42Tom Segura?

  Big gay fucking homo lady.

• 29:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's like me when that lady was like, do you have a husband? I was like, of course I have a fucking husband.

• 29:48Tom Segura?

  The next thing that I was gonna say, if, when she was like, keep guessing, I was gonna be like, nobody cares.

• 29:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody cares.

• 29:54Tom Segura?

  It's not that interesting.

• 29:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're not that interesting.

• 29:57Tom Segura?

  No.

• 29:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gosh, what was I?

• 29:58Tom Segura?

  Also, the endless keep guessing, it's like, what do you, what, it's not, you know, if you want to be like, guess where I'm from, like, alright, I'll guess. Bob, Bob? No? Okay, where are you from? Keep guessing.

• 30:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You just don't keep guess, don't do that. Nobody really wants to guess.

• 30:12Tom Segura?

  It's not.

• 30:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody wants to guess.

• 30:13Tom Segura?

  Want me to guess thirty countries? Like, no.

• 30:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  And not only that, she probably gets asked that question so frequently, where are you from? She should have a better answer by now.

• 30:20Tom Segura?

  I know why I fucking reacted this way.

• 30:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 30:23Tom Segura?

  Because my mother loves that game.

• 30:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guess.

• 30:26Tom Segura?

  My whole life, whenever we're anywhere, they go, oh, where are you from? She'll go, guess. And then they go.

• 30:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, god.

• 30:33Tom Segura?

  Russia. No. And then they're like, Germany? She's like, not even close. And then they finally go over to Latin, and of course, they're like, Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, keep guessing. And I'm like, just fucking tell him where you're from. Like, he's not gonna get it right. Just tell him.

• 30:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's, they're never gonna, especially Americans, they don't know where anything is. They're not gonna wanna, my dad had a good answer when people be like, where are you from? He's like, China.

• 31:00Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, dead faced. And I'm like, that's kind of funny. I like that.

• 31:03Tom Segura?

  She would do that sometimes. She would, but she didn't do that on the long guess. She would do that as the immediate answer, like, like he did. So they would go, where are you from?

• 31:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then they'd go, no, I'm Hungarian.

• 31:13Tom Segura?

  And then they would go, for real? And she would go, yes, I speak Chinese.

• 31:18Tom Segura?

  And she would do that to them. And they were like, alright.

• 31:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a little too far.

• 31:22Tom Segura?

  And then I would pretend to translate. That was when it was fun. I go, oh, she says you have really pretty eyes. They were like, oh, tell her thank you.

• 31:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah, fun.

• 31:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, whatever. Nobody cares.

• 31:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody cares, Tom.

• 31:38Tom Segura?

  I know. I know.

• 31:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  What happened to him? I'm looking for a girl.

• 31:46Tom Segura?

  I'm looking for a girl. He's probably out there.

• 31:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Girlfriend.

• 31:50Tom Segura?

  I bet he's switching teams now. It's been so long.

• 31:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Possibly. To hold hands with. Remember, he got so excited. Let's go to the movies with.

• 31:58Tom Segura?

  I hope he found love. That was a sweet kid. He was sweet.

• 32:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was one of the more innocent clips we've ever played.

• 32:03Tom Segura?

  Here's another one.

• 32:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 32:05Speaker 06

  What'd you say?

• 32:05Speaker 04

  You doing some drugs?

• 32:07Speaker 06

  No.

• 32:07Speaker 04

  No?

• 32:08Speaker 06

  Well, I just wanna bite your sexy ass.

• 32:10Speaker 04

  That's alright. You step back, boy.

• 32:12Speaker 06

  Oh, boy.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  Boy.

• 32:14Speaker 06

  High five.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  Get outta here, kid.

• 32:16Speaker 06

  Hey, don't make me get a sexy bite on you.

• 32:20Speaker 04

  Are you serious, kid?

• 32:22Speaker 06

  I'll eat the fuck outta your ass.

• 32:24Speaker 04

  Are you serious, kid?

• 32:26Speaker 06

  Dead serious.

• 32:28Speaker 04

  So that's what you're trying to do? Pick a fight?

• 32:29Speaker 06

  I wanna eat your ass.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  That's what you're trying to do?

• 32:32Speaker 06

  I just wanna eat your ass.

• 32:33Speaker 04

  So you work for Walmart?

• 32:35Speaker 06

  No, I wanna eat your ass.

• 32:36Speaker 04

  You're getting fucked, kid.

• 32:37Speaker 06

  Alright. I'll eat your ass one day.

• 32:42Tom Segura?

  See? That was sweet, too.

• 32:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could watch this all day.

• 32:45Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 32:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, some young kid going up to old dudes who have never even heard such a thing, and they're like, "What?"

• 32:50Tom Segura?

  The real move for that old guy? He should've just grabbed him by the collar, just been like, huh, like, tried to, you know?

• 32:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Grabbed him by the-

• 32:57Tom Segura?

  Watch him freak out.

• 32:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pull his pants down and grab that kid by the collar and mush his face in his ass.

• 33:01Tom Segura?

  Into his ass, and be like, "Eat."

• 33:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  And go, "Prove it, dickhead."

• 33:03Tom Segura?

  And you know that that older man, he doesn't have the freshest asshole right now.

• 33:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope.

• 33:09Tom Segura?

  He's been out.

• 33:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's been out.

• 33:11Tom Segura?

  He's eaten. He's probably had a few drinks. His ass is pretty gamy.

• 33:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:15Tom Segura?

  So if you shove that young kid's face in your asshole right now, he's gonna remember it.

• 33:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, but, that is the, uh, the move if you are an older man.

• 33:24Tom Segura?

  Is grab someone by the collar and make them eat your ass?

• 33:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it-

• 33:27Tom Segura?

  That's the move.

• 33:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is the move when you're being disrespected in public on a fucking, like, somebody's stupid phone, and you're like, "Yeah, come here, little shit fuck."

• 33:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  "Come here, eat my butt."

• 33:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I don't li- I really don't like, actually, honestly, like, fucking with people like this.

• 33:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do.

• 33:42Tom Segura?

  You do? I don't like it.

• 33:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like it when it's between two males, cuz there's always the danger of a fight breaking out.

• 33:49Tom Segura?

  I know, but here's the thing. That guy that's getting into his car?

• 33:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:53Tom Segura?

  He's not bothering anybody.

• 33:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 33:55Tom Segura?

  That's why I don't think it's cool.

• 33:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I think here's why I think it's okay, because older guys are generally calmer. They're usually dads and or granddads, so they're used to kids being kind of jerks. Like, you know what I mean? Older persons like us. You're like, alright kid, what you got?

• 34:13Tom Segura?

  But you want someone to come fuck with you? I don't think you do, actually.

• 34:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 34:17Tom Segura?

  No, I do know.

• 34:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know!

• 34:19Tom Segura?

  No, you don't like it.

• 34:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  We'll see.

• 34:21Tom Segura?

  If you were doing, if you were like-

• 34:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  But if some lady was like, "I wanna eat your box," Jordan, Jordan Jensen's like-

• 34:26Tom Segura?

  What?

• 34:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 34:28Tom Segura?

  "I wanna eat your box?"

• 34:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, like some older lesbian or younger lesbian comes up to me and she's like, "I wanna eat your box."

• 34:33Tom Segura?

  She's not gay.

• 34:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I know. I know, we know that, but this is a bit, it's a bit, it's for the bit.

• 34:39Tom Segura?

  Tell me the bit, so-

• 34:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and it's her, it's like her prank thing, and she's like-

• 34:42Tom Segura?

  Going up to like an older lady?

• 34:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Told older ladies and being like, "I wanna, can I eat your box?" I mean, I might be like, alright.

• 34:48Tom Segura?

  See, I, I know you too well. None of this is true.

• 34:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, you wanna what?

• 34:53Tom Segura?

  No, you would, if you were like going to your car right now, you'd go, "Hey, fuck off, man, okay?" Yeah, that's how you would be.

• 34:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 34:59Tom Segura?

  And you're like, "Oh, it'd be fun." No, it wouldn't.

• 35:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I like to watch other people suffer.

• 35:03Tom Segura?

  I see.

• 35:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's my, that's a, I do enjoy, I love schadenfreude.

• 35:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, schadenfreude is fun.

• 35:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I fucking love other people's misery.

• 35:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I really love? This is pretty dark, too. I love it when people get all the fame and all the success and all the money, and they're still empty inside.

• 35:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I fucking live for that, like-

• 35:27Tom Segura?

  What?

• 35:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Instagram, where you just know that person is so fucking empty inside and hollow.

• 35:33Tom Segura?

  By what they post, you can tell.

• 35:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're like, ooh, this thirst trap, like this empty void inside, like, oh, it's so deep, it's so bad. You know, and the external is like, everything's great. That makes me so fucking happy.

• 35:47Tom Segura?

  It's always big, the, the-

• 35:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, I like that.

• 35:49Tom Segura?

  The big one that I consistently see-

• 35:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:52Tom Segura?

  As the big tell-

• 35:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:54Tom Segura?

  Is, uh, the people who constantly post about the joy of their relationship.

• 35:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Big time losers, yeah.

• 36:01Tom Segura?

  And especially in like celebrity culture.

• 36:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh, they hate each other.

• 36:06Tom Segura?

  And they're like, "I'm with my love."

• 36:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  My partner. This or like this man and I, this wonderful man and I have spun around earth, the sun thirty times together. We have two children.

• 36:19Tom Segura?

  And if it's, if it's a self taken photo and the, the, the image is of like, you know, like, like, like it's like this was a captured candid photo, but that means you went like this and then you were like, look at me and you're like.

• 36:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:40Tom Segura?

  And they're like, that's it.

• 36:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's it. Just us natural.

• 36:43Tom Segura?

  Love. And you're like, that's not how that photo came about.

• 36:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I read, sorry, I probably saw some TikTok thing that was like, women in relationships who pose, who do like thirst trap photos, who are the unhappiest.

• 36:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you're a married lady and you're like, oh my God, look at me in my bikini.

• 37:03Tom Segura?

  Seriously.

• 37:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Something's wrong. That's not gonna last too long.

• 37:06Tom Segura?

  It's okay. Do what you want. Speaking of.

• 37:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Am I the worst person? Cause I love it when the more success someone gets, the emptier I know they feel.

• 37:15Tom Segura?

  Well, it's not necessarily that you know that they're empty. It's just you're like, so anyone who has success.

• 37:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  People that I know that are doing things are, I know.

• 37:22Tom Segura?

  Oh, but you're talking about a specific combination of things.

• 37:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 37:25Tom Segura?

  You're not saying that anybody who has success is unhappy.

• 37:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, there's a specific type that I really get a joy from.

• 37:32Tom Segura?

  I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying.

• 37:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause it's never enough.

• 37:35Tom Segura?

  I know. I think I even know who you're thinking.

• 37:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's never enough.

• 37:38Tom Segura?

  I know. I know. Yeah.

• 37:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That makes me happy.

• 37:41Tom Segura?

  It fills you with joy. That's good.

• 37:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're spiritual.

• 37:43Tom Segura?

  No, it's honest. What you're saying right now is something that people are reluctant to say, but a lot of them actually feel the same way.

• 37:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're pieces of shit like me.

• 37:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then I'm pretending like I'm so spiritually enlightened and I'm not, cause I'm enjoying someone else's.

• 37:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Existential.

• 37:56Tom Segura?

  Well, we're all fucked up and nobody cares about anything but themselves.

• 37:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody cares about me or you. You know who gives a fuck about you who should is your mom and your dad.

• 38:06Tom Segura?

  That doesn't count, cause they don't. So.

• 38:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  They did mine.

• 38:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah. They don't. Yeah.

• 38:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I'm so fucked up.

• 38:11Tom Segura?

  I think my dad did. I don't think my mom.

• 38:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your dad loved you. Your dad really gave a shit.

• 38:15Tom Segura?

  I know. You know what?

• 38:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  He liked you very much.

• 38:17Tom Segura?

  I fucking cried watching, I can't believe I cried watching a Steve Harvey clip.

• 38:22Tom Segura?

  It was in my stories.

• 38:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Family Feud?

• 38:25Tom Segura?

  It wasn't from Family Feud. It was him talking about when his dad died.

• 38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, don't know, I'm gonna cry.

• 38:30Tom Segura?

  And I watched it and I cried. It was really good. Yeah.

• 38:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, can you tell me what he said?

• 38:34Tom Segura?

  I mean, we should probably just play the clip.

• 38:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, can we? Now I'm gonna cry.

• 38:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's tear worthy.

• 38:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you find it?

• 38:39Tom Segura?

  If you go to my stories and through some of the nonsense.

• 38:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this a setup?

• 38:44Tom Segura?

  No, no, no.

• 38:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bitches, your pussy stink.

• 38:46Tom Segura?

  No, no, no, no, no. It's not, it's not. It was, it was, it was really good.

• 38:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish I had a dad that loved me.

• 38:51Tom Segura?

  But it did make me cry.

• 38:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or even a mom that loved me.

• 38:54Speaker 07

  Quote that I learned that helped me with my father's death. And I couldn't understand why it was beating me up so bad. When a man's father dies, he realizes that the one man who truly wanted him to be better than him is gone. Your father is the only man that has ever wanted you to be better than him. Ain't another man living want you to be better than him. Bruh. I've never heard that. I love you, man, but I don't want you to be better than me. That's real. Your father wants you to be better than him. And when he dies, you realize it. And what the part that fucked me so bad was,

• 39:37Speaker 07

  ah, man, I don't, I don't feel like crying today. Man. The only thing. How about that? Listen, man.

• 39:48Speaker 07

  Ah. I didn't have nobody.

• 39:53Speaker 07

  When my daddy died, I didn't have nobody

• 39:58Speaker 07

  to say they was proud of me.

• 40:05Speaker 07

  It fucked me up.

• 40:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:08Speaker 07

  Cause you know, my dad,

• 40:13Speaker 07

  used to call me and say, man, so proud.

• 40:20Speaker 07

  And when he died, man, nobody said that to me no more.

• 40:26Speaker 07

  Nobody.

• 40:29Speaker 07

  And it's kind of crazy, man.

• 40:33Speaker 07

  Until I married Marjorie, nobody said they was proud of me. So loser, that's what the fuck part for me was with him. He came to all my shows live, flying out. My mother never saw me, because she was, she ain't want to hear me cussing.

• 40:51Speaker 07

  So my mother never saw me. My dad, even if the show was sold out, I'd make him take a foldaway chair and pop it up for him and my brother. My dad would sit down there. And he was sitting next to this lady one time, and she said, "Oh, well, you must be special, sir. They didn't put a foldaway chair in there." He said, "Yeah. You know that boy that finna come out here, Steve Harvey? That's my son. All these niggas in here done paid to see this boy."

• 41:21Speaker 07

  And my father would sit there, man. And I sent him money all the time. My mother said, "Your daddy go down there with that check in his pocket with his gun?" And everybody was trying to say, "Mr. Harvey, where is you getting all this money from? You seen the TV show, the Steve Harvey Show? They say, "Yeah, that's my boy right there." And that, that, all that gave me the juice I needed.

• 41:47Speaker 07

  When he left, man, it fucked me.

• 41:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that broke me last night. Yeah, and then I, you know what the funny thing is? I reposted it, so I was just like, oh, you know, I don't think too much about it. I just reposted it. I got hit up by so many people about how it affected, people who have lost their dads. Like, so many people replied to it.

• 42:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's gotta be, uh, yeah, that's gotta be crazy to have someone that actually really, I mean, he really did love and support you.

• 42:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Throughout, like, we were the brokest, leanest years, and the best, and, you know. That's gotta be hard, to have someone who actually, like, really rooted for you.

• 42:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and he was the only person that I would basically call about anything. I'd be like, "This is happening." It was always like, yeah, and it just goes away. He's right, it totally just goes away.

• 42:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm proud of you.

• 42:41Tom Segura?

  I know you are.

• 42:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It doesn't count, it's not the same.

• 42:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but it's still nice.

• 42:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:46Tom Segura?

  Are you proud of this guy?

• 42:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 42:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fancy.

• 42:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's fancy and nice, though. That actually looks really good.

• 42:54Tom Segura?

  You know, this was interesting.

• 42:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:56Tom Segura?

  He took this down.

• 42:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 42:58Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I don't know if he was, it wasn't up to his standards of like videography or the, um, maybe the food wasn't exactly as, we couldn't figure it out, but he actually took this one down.

• 43:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Huh.

• 43:23Tom Segura?

  Interesting, right?

• 43:27Tom Segura?

  You just want someone to call you and say, "I'm proud of you."

• 43:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's go.

• 43:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  What happened there?

• 43:35Tom Segura?

  I don't know, but it was crazy that he put that on Instagram, isn't it?

• 43:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's going on?

• 43:39Tom Segura?

  And it wasn't a frame. It was a nice, long, deliberate, "Here's something else that I have."

• 43:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, is that also on his menu is what I'm wondering.

• 43:48Tom Segura?

  Ah, I believe if the price is right, kind of everything's available.

• 43:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that why it costs $5,000 and up? Does that, is that included?

• 43:55Tom Segura?

  His scale and how it slides is fascinating.

• 43:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, can I say something? As an artist?

• 44:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what we do.

• 44:01Tom Segura?

  That's right, because you just sell artwork. Some days, he's just like, "Hundred grand." Some days, he's like, "It's a hundred bucks." Next day, it says, "Four million."

• 44:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 44:09Tom Segura?

  Next day, five. It's all over the place.

• 44:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, of course.

• 44:12Tom Segura?

  But I guess it's just kind of how you feel.

• 44:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is how you feel. What do you think possessed that? And he's not one to make edits. That's really crazy that he did an edit in his video. He usually doesn't do that.

• 44:23Tom Segura?

  You want to tell the audience that can't see this, what we saw?

• 44:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, um...

• 44:27Tom Segura?

  So we saw cakes, and we saw strawberries, and table set, and then what happened next?

• 44:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it was like, um, it was like a big chocolate bar.

• 44:39Tom Segura?

  It was a chocolate bar.

• 44:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was a king size Snickers.

• 44:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was his Snickers. In the thing. His Snickers bar was there.

• 44:46Tom Segura?

  He put his three quarters full penis.

• 44:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Erect.

• 44:51Tom Segura?

  Pretty close.

• 44:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he didn't touch it, but he waggled it.

• 44:54Tom Segura?

  He waggled it from the bottom, so you couldn't see his hands, but it said hello. And it went down, then it came back high.

• 44:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  And for a minute.

• 45:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's the thing is it wasn't like, hey, what did it? You get to go, oh.

• 45:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  It wasn't spliced in there.

• 45:05Tom Segura?

  Maybe he was just super horny when he made this.

• 45:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so. Yeah, he just put it out there.

• 45:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, that was crazy, dude.

• 45:14Tom Segura?

  Pretty crazy.

• 45:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  You should do that for your next promo for your upcoming gigs.

• 45:17Tom Segura?

  I'm doing that, yeah.

• 45:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you have to put his in there, not yours.

• 45:21Tom Segura?

  I would like people to know what I got.

• 45:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they do. They can buy my photo.

• 45:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's right. I don't have to show anybody anymore. That's pretty cool.

• 45:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  They know exactly what you're wearing. Look at that physique. God damn, Tom.

• 45:31Tom Segura?

  Been working hard. All right, let's take a quick break.

• 45:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 45:34Tom Segura?

  And we'll be back with one of our all time faves. All right, and we are back and our guest, who we're so happy to have here is currently on his Ian institutionalized tour. You can get tickets at ianbag.com. You can see his podcast, Husky Boys, which he hosts with Robert Oberst. Give it up for Ian Bag.

• 45:56Speaker 08

  Yeah, Bagels.

• 45:58Speaker 09

  Ah, it's so good to see you guys.

• 45:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Fuckin' love you.

• 46:01Speaker 09

  It's been too long and you guys have been too busy and I've just watched you from the sidelines.

• 46:06Tom Segura?

  It's been long overdue.

• 46:07Speaker 09

  Hoping for a trip.

• 46:08Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 46:09Speaker 09

  And then when you guys get hurt, I get happy.

• 46:12Tom Segura?

  Great.

• 46:13Speaker 09

  I, you know, when you guys, you guys got, have gotten hurt a couple of times, I get uncomfortable reaching out because I do care about you.

• 46:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 46:22Tom Segura?

  I know the feeling. I know the feeling you're talking about.

• 46:23Speaker 09

  I'm like, holy fuck, guys.

• 46:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:26Speaker 09

  Are you okay?

• 46:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:27Speaker 09

  And instead you're just like, haha, I guess. That's what you do. You shouldn't have done that, huh?

• 46:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid.

• 46:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, well, he's Canadian, folks. You know how they are. Now, we've dude, we've known you 20 years, man.

• 46:45Speaker 09

  We've known each other five hours.

• 46:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:46Speaker 09

  It's really crazy.

• 46:47Tom Segura?

  This podcast, we did five hours.

• 46:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, but we

• 46:50Speaker 09

  Yes, 20 years.

• 46:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  20 years and we went to South Africa with you for a comedy festival and that was a million years ago.

• 46:57Tom Segura?

  That was 2012?

• 46:59Speaker 09

  That was, yes. Yeah, right after apartheid, we went.

• 47:02Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 47:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:03Tom Segura?

  It was still very fresh.

• 47:04Speaker 09

  It was very fresh. There were fountains. Remember down at the beach, there was that fountain. Do you guys remember that?

• 47:10Tom Segura?

  And the apartheid museum.

• 47:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, the museum was a bummer.

• 47:13Tom Segura?

  And then we all were bummed out and then everyone was like, look how sad they are. Isn't that hilarious?

• 47:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I remember that. Yeah, David Cowell.

• 47:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, David Cowell.

• 47:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Talked to you about us on stage.

• 47:23Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was like

• 47:24Speaker 09

  We took the whites to the apartheid museum today.

• 47:29Speaker 09

  Left them there.

• 47:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:30Speaker 09

  He's a, he was, he was a, a, a, South Africa's number two comedian.

• 47:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:36Speaker 09

  And he was, he was, he's such a nice guy, but that got to him.

• 47:40Tom Segura?

  It got, he was

• 47:41Speaker 09

  He's just like

• 47:41Tom Segura?

  Oh, right.

• 47:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Being number two?

• 47:43Speaker 09

  Yeah, he was just like

• 47:45Tom Segura?

  Who, number one was the export.

• 47:47Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 47:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:48Speaker 09

  Trevor.

• 47:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.

• 47:50Speaker 09

  Yeah, and he's just like, that guy is taking everything.

• 47:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but David had blacks only. Blacks only.

• 47:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Blacks only.

• 47:55Speaker 09

  With one white on it.

• 47:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who was the white?

• 47:57Speaker 09

  He'd, he'd switch whites up all the time.

• 47:59Tom Segura?

  He'd switch a white.

• 48:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would love to be the one white. Well, cause I remember he gave us T-shirts for blacks only.

• 48:04Tom Segura?

  That was awesome.

• 48:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then we had it.

• 48:06Tom Segura?

  I rocked them. And then people were like, what's going on?

• 48:11Speaker 09

  It's a gem in South Africa. Blacks only. You are black.

• 48:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're black.

• 48:16Speaker 09

  And what, what, what else would we say? We're down there. Pleasure.

• 48:19Tom Segura?

  Pleasure. Pleasure was creepy.

• 48:22Speaker 09

  Pleasure.

• 48:22Tom Segura?

  Pleasure was so creepy.

• 48:23Speaker 09

  Pleasure was

• 48:24Tom Segura?

  It was their way of saying, you're welcome or don't worry about it. So you go, thanks for bringing that. Pleasure.

• 48:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pleasure.

• 48:31Speaker 09

  Smiling with, with their dead eyes.

• 48:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:33Speaker 09

  Pleasure.

• 48:33Tom Segura?

  Pleasure.

• 48:34Speaker 09

  Pleasure. Remember that hotel, that how weird it was?

• 48:38Tom Segura?

  With the Joburg one or the?

• 48:39Speaker 09

  The Joburg one.

• 48:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was a good hotel, though.

• 48:41Speaker 09

  It was like a casino.

• 48:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it was like a villa.

• 48:43Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 48:44Tom Segura?

  And then they were like, don't go outside.

• 48:46Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 48:46Tom Segura?

  You'll definitely get robbed or die. And you're like, all right.

• 48:49Speaker 09

  I went another time with Bobby Lee.

• 48:52Tom Segura?

  He got robbed, right?

• 48:53Speaker 09

  And he got robbed.

• 48:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 48:54Speaker 09

  Yeah, and I was in a store and he comes running in, Ian, I just got robbed. And I go, was the guy black? And he goes, It's fucking South Africa. Of course he was black.

• 49:03Tom Segura?

  How do you get, was he like tackled or something?

• 49:05Speaker 09

  No, I think he just got pushed around. I don't know. You never know with Bobby how the story starts.

• 49:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was he out in the mall?

• 49:12Speaker 09

  He was out looking for cigarettes.

• 49:14Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 49:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go, dummy.

• 49:15Speaker 09

  Where they told you not to go.

• 49:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't go there. He goes, I'll go there.

• 49:19Speaker 09

  Yeah. And remember Zane? Remember Zane?

• 49:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 09

  And he was all like, I tell you, remember he'd yell this, I tell you not to go.

• 49:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:31Speaker 09

  He was Indian, South African.

• 49:32Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 49:33Speaker 09

  Yeah. Kalad. Yeah. So when my, my, on the other trip, my wife came over and it was in Cape Town, right? That we went to Johannesburg and what was the other place?

• 49:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Durban.

• 49:45Speaker 09

  Durban. Yeah. Where a million blacks go to the beach.

• 49:48Tom Segura?

  The ocean. Yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 09

  On New Year's Day.

• 49:51Tom Segura?

  That's right.

• 49:51Speaker 09

  They touch it and come back.

• 49:52Tom Segura?

  And you referenced that during, you referenced it during a show and it fucking, cause you were like, he's like, I know you want them to keep going in the ocean, never come back.

• 50:02Speaker 09

  They do.

• 50:03Tom Segura?

  Oh, that was hilarious, dude.

• 50:05Speaker 09

  It was so much fun.

• 50:06Tom Segura?

  Their racial system there, or what they came out of.

• 50:10Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 50:10Tom Segura?

  So if people don't know, it's not just white and black, right? All the shades matter.

• 50:14Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 50:15Tom Segura?

  White, black and colored.

• 50:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Colored was a mix of white and black.

• 50:18Tom Segura?

  There's a huge Indian population in South Africa.

• 50:22Speaker 09

  Huge.

• 50:22Tom Segura?

  They're considered colored. And what he would take pride in, he was like, he's like, yeah, you know, the whites, you can tell whatever, you know, you could say whatever you want to us. He's like, but we can say whatever we want to the blacks. Watch this.

• 50:35Tom Segura?

  He's like, I'm right in the middle.

• 50:36Speaker 09

  He was so funny, that guy. Oh my God. Yeah. And then, and then at the end of the tour, you're like, oh, he's got a bunch of guns under that thing. He's trying to protect us. I had no idea.

• 50:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't know. But he would also yell stuff out the window.

• 50:50Speaker 09

  Yeah. While driving?

• 50:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  While driving.

• 50:52Speaker 09

  And he was too big for the car, remember?

• 50:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Africa. I didn't, and you know why it was so special?

• 50:57Tom Segura?

  That's the old joke.

• 50:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the old joke, guys.

• 50:59Tom Segura?

  That's the old joke.

• 51:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  We always tell him to pull his jeans up. You gonna pull your jeans up? Pull your jeans up.

• 51:03Tom Segura?

  That was the joke.

• 51:04Speaker 09

  Is that where jeans came from?

• 51:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, it was a starting, we were making fun of jeans.

• 51:07Tom Segura?

  Hey, why don't you get bigger jeans? We would all ride him. And then the second that he's like, it's the old joke. Keep making the old joke.

• 51:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Come on, guys.

• 51:18Speaker 09

  And then his partner, do you remember his partner?

• 51:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 51:21Speaker 09

  His partner was serious. He would only show up in a, in like a Mercedes. Check things.

• 51:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, with security.

• 51:28Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 51:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't realize how dangerous it was. And also, it was the first trip that was fancy for us as comics. I was like, oh, my God, like, this hotel's really nice. And like, the food was good, remember?

• 51:39Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 51:39Tom Segura?

  Also, we got clowned by other people because we enjoyed the first beach. Was it the Durban?

• 51:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Durban, I loved Durban.

• 51:46Tom Segura?

  So we were like, oh, we were at the beach, it's beautiful. And people were like, in Durban? And we were like, I mean, it was the ocean, dude.

• 51:52Speaker 09

  It was gorgeous, we're down there.

• 51:53Tom Segura?

  They're like, you don't want to go there. We were there.

• 51:56Speaker 09

  We loved it.

• 51:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 51:57Speaker 09

  And they're like, no.

• 51:58Tom Segura?

  No, don't go there.

• 51:59Speaker 09

  Disgust.

• 52:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:00Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 52:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Total contempt. Look how beautiful Durban is. I thought it was great.

• 52:03Speaker 09

  Pleasure.

• 52:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pleasure. And then monkeys would steal sugar from your table and stuff. It was really fun.

• 52:10Speaker 09

  Mmm, good times. And then the other comics were interesting.

• 52:13Tom Segura?

  Interesting.

• 52:17Speaker 09

  Was there like six of us or five of us?

• 52:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:20Speaker 09

  No, there were six of us, right?

• 52:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so Finesse Mitchell.

• 52:24Tom Segura?

  Finesse was there.

• 52:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mitch Fatal.

• 52:26Tom Segura?

  Mitch.

• 52:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, and meow. David Cow.

• 52:30Speaker 09

  And David Cow, six.

• 52:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was there another girl?

• 52:32Tom Segura?

  Wasn't there more?

• 52:33Speaker 09

  Was there an English girl?

• 52:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Orlando Jones. Orlando came later.

• 52:37Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 52:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Brian Haner. Brian Haner.

• 52:40Speaker 09

  Oh, Haner.

• 52:40Tom Segura?

  Haner, right? Because he was, Orlando wasn't rolling with us, our show, though.

• 52:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  He came in Joe Berg.

• 52:46Speaker 09

  Johannesburg, yeah.

• 52:47Tom Segura?

  Fit, yes.

• 52:48Speaker 09

  Joe Berg.

• 52:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Joe Berg, that's what I call it.

• 52:50Tom Segura?

  Finesse Mitchell, Brian, you, me, Ian, David. David was literally like, if you're doing like a show here and then you're like, and to bring us home? Chris Rock, everybody. Like, it was like, it was crazy there.

• 53:03Speaker 09

  Yeah, it was crazy. And I did the other one with Trevor Noah. So I seen both of those. Like, there was a billboard of him selling Range Rovers in front of the hotel.

• 53:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so that would inform me.

• 53:14Speaker 09

  I'm just like, a comic selling Range Rovers? What the hell's going on in this country?

• 53:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. But I do, what I've always loved about stand up and the dudes do really well is hierarchy. You guys know what the pecking order is and as a woman, you just go, oh, okay, this is my place. This is your place. Great. Thank you. And you just all roll. There's no, usually no ego about that pecking order.

• 53:38Speaker 09

  We, we pretty much had fun. Yeah, it was a lot of fun, dude.

• 53:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:42Speaker 09

  Yeah, I, I, I still finesse, you know, I still consider, I see him all the time.

• 53:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 53:47Speaker 09

  I consider him kind of like, you know, that's my buddy. We went to, we went to South Africa together, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so. For sure. And, uh, and Hayner, I haven't seen since.

• 53:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I email with him every few years and he and the wife moved. He's in upstate New York.

• 54:01Speaker 09

  Oh. Upstate New York?

• 54:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I believe so. I think occasionally.

• 54:06Speaker 09

  Comedy?

• 54:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But no.

• 54:07Speaker 09

  Or just music?

• 54:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not sure. I think he, he did, he's not touring anymore. I know that.

• 54:11Speaker 09

  Uh huh.

• 54:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  He and the wife are like having a nice, calm life, retired.

• 54:15Speaker 09

  Well, his son made a lot of money. His son was some twenty-one.

• 54:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Avenged fold.

• 54:20Speaker 09

  Avenged seventeen.

• 54:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, six million nine.

• 54:24Speaker 09

  Folds, a lot of folds. That's a cool, that's a cool gig.

• 54:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  So cool.

• 54:28Speaker 09

  And I, I think Brian may have played some music on a couple of those.

• 54:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nice.

• 54:33Speaker 09

  So he would have got some. He was super talented, but also so nice, such a good, such a sweet guy. Remember we'd sit around and he'd play the piano afterwards? We'd sit in the hotel. Yeah. And people would say, ah, you've got to go to bed now. Pleasure.

• 54:46Tom Segura?

  Take yourselves upstairs.

• 54:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is before we had kids, Gene.

• 54:50Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 54:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Three years before we have our first kid, when life was free.

• 54:55Speaker 09

  You guys.

• 54:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sleep in.

• 54:57Speaker 09

  Do you remember when you guys ran that room in Culver City?

• 55:03Speaker 09

  Bert took me there one time.

• 55:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  When I ran it with, with my friend?

• 55:06Speaker 09

  I thought it was you two.

• 55:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he never did. Probably Eric Lundee and me. Yes, I think you closed out a few of those.

• 55:12Speaker 09

  I did, yeah. But not in Culver, right?

• 55:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 55:14Speaker 09

  Wasn't it in Culver?

• 55:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it was in Hollywood somewhere and I had you headline. And you roll in kinda grumpy.

• 55:21Speaker 09

  That's me.

• 55:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'd be like, I don't know what's up with Ian Bag. I didn't know you at the time.

• 55:25Speaker 09

  Autism.

• 55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I was like, is he gonna, is this guy gonna be angry? Like, is he gonna? And then immediately you got on stage, you're like, how's it going? You just have a full Ian Bag?

• 55:34Speaker 09

  I, I.

• 55:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was amazing.

• 55:35Speaker 09

  I'll explain it.

• 55:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, please.

• 55:37Speaker 09

  I just kind of shut down so I can have it for there.

• 55:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I see that.

• 55:40Speaker 09

  Right?

• 55:41Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 55:41Speaker 09

  So I, I, I'm not, um, we have another friend that can be on the whole time.

• 55:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:47Speaker 09

  But I can't, I, it's, it's, it's in concentrate. It's me in concentrate on stage.

• 55:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:52Speaker 09

  So I have to.

• 55:53Tom Segura?

  Totally get it.

• 55:54Speaker 09

  Have that time.

• 55:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:55Speaker 09

  And it's not grumpy.

• 55:56Tom Segura?

  You know, but when you show, when you showed up at places, uh, yeah, you would, a lot of times you showed up, like I've done a bunch of shows with you where you're like, kind of, you know.

• 56:04Speaker 09

  Right.

• 56:05Tom Segura?

  Inside to yourself.

• 56:06Speaker 09

  Yes.

• 56:06Tom Segura?

  And then boom, you come on stage.

• 56:07Speaker 09

  Just kinda quiet.

• 56:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:09Speaker 09

  Taking it all in. Sometimes I'll go sit by myself. Like I, uh, I never go into the green room in most of these comedy clubs. I'm just sitting with the staff because the staff is busy, so they're not really bugging me.

• 56:21Tom Segura?

  I'm a lot like you.

• 56:22Speaker 09

  Yeah, so.

• 56:23Tom Segura?

  I kinda hate a busy green room.

• 56:26Speaker 09

  Really? Afterwards, it's fine.

• 56:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  After I left.

• 56:29Tom Segura?

  That's totally true. Afterwards, yeah, let it rip. But I don't like a pre-show happening. I'm, one time I got, I got booked for this gig. It was in Houston. And I remember that it was right when I was like, uh, starting to sell tickets. So I was on my like second tour. And I don't know how this happened, but the promoter was like, instead of like just going with the agent a lot, he was contacting me directly. And I was like, okay, you know, like blah, blah, blah. Well, we're coming to pick you up. And they picked me up. They take me to the venue. And when I walk in, we go, you know, to the right here, you walk in. And there was like, this was straight, there was like 12, 13 people. And I go, hey, man.

• 57:09Speaker 09

  You had to do a meet and greet before.

• 57:11Tom Segura?

  Well, I was like, who are, who are all these people? And he goes, oh, they're like friends of mine and stuff. And I was like, why are they in here?

• 57:18Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 57:18Tom Segura?

  And he was like. Do you not want them here? I go, of course not. Like, this is supposed to be like my room to chill in, right?

• 57:25Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:25Tom Segura?

  This is pre-show.

• 57:26Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:27Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay. I mean, I can get, and I was like, this is nuts. So he was turning it into like, come hang in this room.

• 57:33Speaker 09

  He's making it another venue.

• 57:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I was like, nah, bro.

• 57:37Speaker 09

  He probably charges friends to come hang with you.

• 57:38Tom Segura?

  We cannot do this. No, no, no.

• 57:40Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 57:40Tom Segura?

  And even on mine now, like, I'm like, real low-key. I don't like it to be busy.

• 57:46Speaker 09

  My buddy played in the NHL, and he's a goalie. And he wanders into the dressing room one day, and the owner of the team's got all his buddies down in the dressing room, and they're in his equipment.

• 58:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  No!

• 58:02Speaker 09

  Yeah, and he's just like, I kind of skidded in the ditch for quite a while after that.

• 58:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:09Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah. People just don't get it. Like, it's that they're like, yeah, yeah, I get that we're toys.

• 58:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 09

  Right? We're toys, but we still need to stay in the box for a little bit until you play with us.

• 58:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 09

  So, and I'm not, I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm really not trying to be a dick.

• 58:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and it's before, to be fair, it's before I had ever really spoken with you. I just, I'd only seen you on stage, and my friend Eric and I were like, we have to get Ian back. Like, we were total fan girls. And so you showed up, and we were like, oh.

• 58:37Speaker 09

  He's a douche!

• 58:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, God! We don't want to scare you. We don't want you.

• 58:41Tom Segura?

  I will stand by this. In the conversations, if you're talking, like, in the last however many, 20 years, if you go, who do you not want to follow? You would be always in my top three. Like, you don't want any part of it.

• 58:56Speaker 09

  Oh, I fucking, I, I don't know if I'm, we still allowed to swear on this podcast?

• 59:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 59:00Speaker 09

  Or has Liquid Death brought you guys to say, frig?

• 59:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 59:07Tom Segura?

  All the friggin' stuff, yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 09

  You know how I know?

• 59:10Tom Segura?

  How?

• 59:10Speaker 09

  Because I said, hey, Tom. I'm struggling a bit. Can I open for you?

• 59:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 59:15Speaker 09

  And you're like, nope.

• 59:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 59:17Speaker 09

  And I'm like, Tom doesn't like following me. What a doof.

• 59:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would never want to follow you.

• 59:22Speaker 09

  But you guys.

• 59:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're incredibly funny.

• 59:24Speaker 09

  You guys are very sweet, but at the same time, you're famous. They are never gonna turn on you.

• 59:29Tom Segura?

  No, they're not gonna turn. I'm not talking about like in that. I'm just talking about when you're talking about somebody's comedy chops. Like just forget like the turning or fame.

• 59:39Speaker 09

  Tell more.

• 59:40Tom Segura?

  I just mean that like you, there's some people who.

• 59:44Speaker 09

  Of course.

• 59:45Tom Segura?

  Just have.

• 59:46Speaker 09

  Fantastic.

• 59:46Tom Segura?

  A capacity.

• 59:47Speaker 09

  Right.

• 59:48Tom Segura?

  To kill.

• 59:48Speaker 09

  Ah ha.

• 59:49Tom Segura?

  And that's you.

• 59:50Speaker 09

  I love it.

• 59:50Tom Segura?

  Crush.

• 59:51Speaker 09

  Take that in, people.

• 59:52Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 59:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 59:53Speaker 09

  I have fun.

• 59:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, sure.

• 59:55Speaker 09

  I just, I, it's weird how much fun I have there compared to a lot of life.

• 1:00:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That makes sense though. Cause you have so much fun up there and it's fun to watch you. Cause you have zero fun, like you, not like you, I don't fucking care, but it's more of like, you're so playful and you're so not set like a so a serious guy up there who has to be the smartest guy in the room.

• 1:00:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you also have like.

• 1:00:22Speaker 09

  Yeah, no, that's not my show.

• 1:00:23Tom Segura?

  But you also have like a, you have this stream of consciousness thing where you're either, when you're up there and you're like going, you're riffing and you're using the room and you're using the information. It's, it'll be like funny, funny, funny. And then if you do something and it doesn't work, your way of dealing with it is funnier than if it had worked. So like it becomes funny. Like you, you really are a savant up there.

• 1:00:47Speaker 09

  We had, uh, on, on the podcast the other day, we had Chris Candy, who was John Candy's son.

• 1:00:51Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:00:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:00:52Speaker 09

  Okay. So, and he talked about, uh, how, um, when he was acting or in a sketch, he wasn't afraid to look like a dork.

• 1:01:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 1:01:05Speaker 09

  Right? But in real life, he was terrified of looking like a dork.

• 1:01:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:01:10Speaker 09

  John? Yeah. Right? I kinda have that.

• 1:01:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:14Speaker 09

  Like, it's free there. But in real life, you're just like, huh, huh, huh. Do I have nose hair? What's going on? You know what I mean?

• 1:01:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:21Speaker 09

  Like, yeah, where it's like, I hope I have nose hair when I'm on stage, right? Anything shaved. I was, uh, it was in Chicago not too long ago. Uh, and my wife always says, uh, you know, if you do anything, you know, if you do any beautifying, get it done professionally. Not me. I, uh, shaved off half an eyebrow.

• 1:01:40Tom Segura?

  I did that, I did that two weeks ago.

• 1:01:41Speaker 09

  You, okay?

• 1:01:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Speaker 09

  Yeah, so you know, so I went on stage like, but mine are massive, so it's very noticeable. And I was like, I shaved off my eyebrow while I was on, you know? And the rest of the time I was in Chicago, I was terrified people were looking at it.

• 1:01:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:53Speaker 09

  And while I was on stage, I was terrified they weren't looking at it.

• 1:01:56Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:01:56Speaker 09

  Right?

• 1:01:57Tom Segura?

  Oh, right.

• 1:01:57Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:01:58Tom Segura?

  Was Chris, were you guys promoting the new doc?

• 1:02:00Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:02:00Tom Segura?

  Is it out or is it coming?

• 1:02:01Speaker 09

  It's coming out in October.

• 1:02:03Tom Segura?

  I gotta get him.

• 1:02:04Speaker 09

  You want him? I'll give you a number.

• 1:02:05Tom Segura?

  Well, yeah, we've, we've, he and I have exchanged messages before, but I would love like, uh, to be connected, connected.

• 1:02:10Speaker 09

  Yeah. He's, uh, his, it's, it's such an interesting, you know, like, they did it because everybody else was starting to do it. So they wanted to be ahead of everybody else doing it because they've been saying no for so many years, right?

• 1:02:23Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:02:24Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Tom Segura?

  No to one about him?

• 1:02:26Speaker 09

  Yeah, no to.

• 1:02:26Tom Segura?

  That's crazy.

• 1:02:27Speaker 09

  Right? Now, now people are just doing their own documentaries on him. And I'm like, I guess we should do one so we can talk about her dad.

• 1:02:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's amazing. I would love to. I would love that.

• 1:02:35Speaker 09

  We'll do that.

• 1:02:36Tom Segura?

  You're not from here, so maybe you'll relate to this.

• 1:02:39Speaker 09

  Wow. You've gone Texas.

• 1:02:43Speaker 10

  Oh, mate, don't say that because that irritates me and I punch blokes in the mouth for saying that. Don't you dare say that. My family have been in this country for a hundred and forty years, right? So you, and if you say anything like that, I have on many occasions punch blokes in the mouth, right? So I'm straining myself today. Don't say it. I'm not listening to you. You're out.

• 1:03:09Speaker 09

  His family's been in the country for a hundred and forty years. He's been there for a hundred and twelve.

• 1:03:16Speaker 09

  I love when old guys wanna fight.

• 1:03:17Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:03:18Speaker 09

  It's so good.

• 1:03:19Tom Segura?

  It's so great.

• 1:03:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the accent, the Australians.

• 1:03:22Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:03:22Speaker 10

  No, no, don't say that.

• 1:03:24Speaker 09

  Nah, nah.

• 1:03:24Speaker 10

  Because, no, no, listen, just, just.

• 1:03:26Speaker 09

  Oh, here it comes.

• 1:03:27Speaker 10

  Don't say that.

• 1:03:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't.

• 1:03:29Speaker 10

  I'm sure, don't say that.

• 1:03:30Speaker 09

  Worst cameraman ever.

• 1:03:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  A racist.

• 1:03:34Speaker 10

  You can't say what you just said without being identified as a racist. Some gentlemen, ladies, this man is a racist.

• 1:03:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Racist.

• 1:03:44Speaker 09

  Why's he yelling at a flight attendant?

• 1:03:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. Stupid land.

• 1:03:51Speaker 09

  I like the way he wants to fight the guy from 1940.

• 1:03:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, I'll take him up. I'm a racist. What you gotta do, say? And then I'm gonna ride back to the boat. He said he's a Lebanese.

• 1:04:00Speaker 09

  Lebanese, Lebo, yeah. That's Australia, Australia, Labo.

• 1:04:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Labo. Laba. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, fact. The fuck is he, yeah, he's right, 140 years, you're, you're Australian at that point, my man.

• 1:04:12Speaker 09

  You're part of the country at some point.

• 1:04:14Tom Segura?

  You're from B.C.

• 1:04:15Speaker 09

  Yeah, British Columbia.

• 1:04:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, I was using shorthand.

• 1:04:18Speaker 09

  I thought you meant before Christ.

• 1:04:19Tom Segura?

  Well, you're from, you're very old.

• 1:04:21Speaker 09

  I'm like, how old am I?

• 1:04:21Tom Segura?

  You are also very old, but, but you look good for somebody that's a couple thousand years old.

• 1:04:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 1:04:27Speaker 09

  I wake up weird.

• 1:04:28Tom Segura?

  I'm wondering, do you feel connected still to like people, like other notable people from B.C. or no?

• 1:04:37Speaker 09

  Do I feel connected?

• 1:04:38Tom Segura?

  You know what I mean, like, do you have a kinship with like when someone like?

• 1:04:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Other celebrities from?

• 1:04:42Tom Segura?

  Celebrity that's from B.C. or like?

• 1:04:44Speaker 09

  Oh, yeah, the only one is that, that guy.

• 1:04:46Tom Segura?

  Ryan?

• 1:04:46Speaker 09

  No, oh, Ryan, no.

• 1:04:48Tom Segura?

  He's Van City, right?

• 1:04:49Speaker 09

  He's Van City.

• 1:04:51Tom Segura?

  You're from north?

• 1:04:51Speaker 09

  I'm from the middle of nowhere.

• 1:04:53Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:04:53Speaker 09

  Uh, there's a guy, Taylor Lautner or something like that.

• 1:04:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:04:56Speaker 09

  Yeah, he's from Kelowna.

• 1:04:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Twilight, Taylor Lautner?

• 1:04:59Speaker 09

  No, no, no, not, I got the right guy?

• 1:05:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom Green's a Canadian as well.

• 1:05:03Speaker 09

  But he's from, he's from, he's from the others coast.

• 1:05:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:05:06Speaker 09

  But there's a guy, there's a guy that was in like a football movie or something, too.

• 1:05:10Tom Segura?

  Is it Will Blunderfield?

• 1:05:11Speaker 09

  Nope. Who's, who's Will Blunder?

• 1:05:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, this is Will Blunderfield here.

• 1:05:14Speaker 09

  Oh, I should've worked last.

• 1:05:15Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:05:16Speaker 09

  Hold on, let me get him for you.

• 1:05:17Speaker 11

  In this episode of What Does the Wild Naked Man Drink? I'm gonna fill this beautiful mason jar with my beautiful Orin, which is medicinal.

• 1:05:29Speaker 09

  Orin? Orin, yeah.

• 1:05:30Speaker 11

  Especially after some amazing workout or going for a run or pumping some iron.

• 1:05:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:37Speaker 09

  It's got quite the faucet on him.

• 1:05:39Speaker 11

  It's a form of biofeedback and it's a form of self-love. When I drink my own piss, I get this enhanced benefit of self-approval and self-acceptance.

• 1:05:47Speaker 09

  Right on.

• 1:05:48Speaker 11

  And really, that's all.

• 1:05:50Speaker 09

  Guy didn't get to finger-banging in high school, now here he is.

• 1:05:53Speaker 11

  So no wonder the yogis have been doing it for over 5,000 years.

• 1:05:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a lot of piss.

• 1:05:58Speaker 09

  Now.

• 1:06:00Speaker 11

  Everything that's bad for us.

• 1:06:01Speaker 09

  Can we push pause? So.

• 1:06:03Tom Segura?

  BC zone, go ahead.

• 1:06:05Speaker 09

  My brethren. He was fill- he had already peed in that and then was putting water in it. That's what that faucet was. It wasn't his dick making that noise. Yes.

• 1:06:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't you dare. You're calling Will Blunderfield a fraud?

• 1:06:18Speaker 09

  Yes. I'm calling, I'm calling, he had a little bit of pee and a lot of water in there.

• 1:06:23Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:06:23Speaker 09

  Yeah, watch it again. Listen to it. There's just no way, I don't know anybody that can get that kind of stream into a, into a little jar and not be wearing it.

• 1:06:33Tom Segura?

  You're, wow, you're accusing him of fraud.

• 1:06:36Speaker 09

  I am right now, right here on the people's court.

• 1:06:39Tom Segura?

  He said you get so many benefits from doing this. I'm wondering if you're.

• 1:06:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Drinking your urine.

• 1:06:43Speaker 09

  Breath. Your breath.

• 1:06:45Tom Segura?

  Your breath smells great.

• 1:06:46Speaker 09

  Your breath smells like, smells like a backyard.

• 1:06:48Speaker 11

  Injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells right into your body is made to, made to seem good and everything that's good for us, like drinking your piss, is made to seem bad. We live in an inverted clown world. So try it for yourself and be your own.

• 1:07:02Tom Segura?

  I mean, that's just like one of the, he also, he teaches like seminars.

• 1:07:07Speaker 09

  Drinking your pee?

• 1:07:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:07:08Tom Segura?

  Sometimes it's about pee drinking, you know, like sometimes he does.

• 1:07:11Speaker 11

  What's up, yogi? So me and Brian Crew just taught a really juicy anus workshop today and got a little bit into the prostate too.

• 1:07:18Speaker 09

  See, there he goes again.

• 1:07:19Speaker 11

  And that caused some precome to be secreted from my manhood. So a little bit of sperm seeped out, a little bit of testosterone, a little bit of spermidine, which is good for muscle growth, a little bit of nerve growth factor, which is really good for your brain and your nervous system. What else came out? A little bit of vitamins, minerals, oxytocin, a boning hormone, which lowers cortisol.

• 1:07:38Speaker 09

  And waste.

• 1:07:39Speaker 11

  So not only am I getting the benefit of the urine therapy, which is powerful on its own, the shivambu I should call it, but I'm also getting the benefit of the sperm, the semen, tiny bit of semen that's been mixed in with my urine.

• 1:07:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck, I just got the chills.

• 1:07:55Speaker 09

  Oh, and into the beard.

• 1:07:56Speaker 11

  That's very, very.

• 1:07:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, a little piss.

• 1:07:58Speaker 11

  I love this.

• 1:07:58Speaker 09

  Yeah. It's like drinking stamps.

• 1:08:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here's the thing, I just, now I'm going on Ian's theory that he's faking this because look how still his face is when he's peeing and just casually talking to you. Are you able to casually talk into a camera and piss at the same time?

• 1:08:13Speaker 09

  No. And, and it just, that noise, uh, there's, there wasn't even a, you know, like anything like that. It was just like instantly turned off. I'm almost like, what do you got, the breasts, prostate in the world? You know, come on.

• 1:08:25Tom Segura?

  I bet his prostate's pretty healthy.

• 1:08:27Speaker 09

  I bet you it's bad.

• 1:08:29Tom Segura?

  He works at, he does these other workshops.

• 1:08:31Speaker 09

  Well, hello, guys.

• 1:08:32Speaker 11

  So in my, in my live workshops, we do a beautiful cock exercise. And this is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Kassar.

• 1:08:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, man.

• 1:08:42Speaker 11

  Basically, uh, he, he does these workshops called penis wellness.

• 1:08:47Tom Segura?

  You know?

• 1:08:48Speaker 09

  Oh, my fucking god.

• 1:08:51Tom Segura?

  No?

• 1:08:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love Will so much.

• 1:08:53Speaker 09

  Cock on cock crying.

• 1:08:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love, I love it. It's beautiful. Ian, what's wrong with you?

• 1:08:57Speaker 09

  Uh.

• 1:08:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is what we do in Texas.

• 1:09:00Speaker 09

  I thought.

• 1:09:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  This one's a little hard for me to watch.

• 1:09:02Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 1:09:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just a little personal and.

• 1:09:10Speaker 09

  Now his mom comes in, "Well!"

• 1:09:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't realize the plane going by too. I wish she would have timed that.

• 1:09:17Speaker 09

  Oh, man.

• 1:09:20Speaker 09

  What if he's just got the camera upside down and he's doing that from standing position? And he's the most amazing man ever, just fucking hitting his face with a big wad of jizz.

• 1:09:31Tom Segura?

  I love having a little mantra, you know? I'm fearless, I'm doubtless.

• 1:09:35Speaker 09

  I'm gonna start saying that after, when I, when I jack off. Not when I'm having sex. Can you imagine saying that after you have sex?

• 1:09:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm fearless, I'm doubtless.

• 1:09:43Speaker 09

  I'm doubtless. My wife would slap me in the face.

• 1:09:48Speaker 09

  Really?

• 1:09:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's cool.

• 1:09:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a good tattoo. I'm shameless, I'm fearless.

• 1:09:56Tom Segura?

  All right, that was a lot.

• 1:09:56Speaker 09

  Needs a fart afterwards.

• 1:09:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Also, can I just say, we've watched a lot of cool guys over the years, twenty some, twenty years now of cool guys. I'm never creeped out by Will Blunderfield. I believe this is really spiritual for him.

• 1:10:09Tom Segura?

  Well, he's been right here. He's sat in studios before.

• 1:10:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's sat naked in that very chair.

• 1:10:12Speaker 09

  No way. I feel like my prostate is doing better since sitting in the chair that he sat in.

• 1:10:17Tom Segura?

  And I went and did cock exercises with him.

• 1:10:19Speaker 09

  You didn't hug him, did you?

• 1:10:21Tom Segura?

  I did hug him.

• 1:10:21Speaker 09

  Naked?

• 1:10:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:22Speaker 09

  You're an impressive fellow.

• 1:10:25Speaker 09

  You were just.

• 1:10:26Tom Segura?

  Was I?

• 1:10:27Speaker 09

  That was, that was, that was, that was, if I've ever seen it.

• 1:10:31Tom Segura?

  I didn't feel, but I did reluctantly get pretty hard and I was kind of pissed about that.

• 1:10:35Speaker 09

  Reluctantly? No, no, no, okay. Were you trying to look bigger?

• 1:10:43Tom Segura?

  I was trying to, yeah.

• 1:10:45Speaker 09

  If I don't go, if I don't go in hard, I'm gonna look like I got a little penis.

• 1:10:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. I was like, I was trying to fluff and then it just stood up, you know?

• 1:10:51Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:51Tom Segura?

  I was like, ah, well, here you go.

• 1:10:53Speaker 09

  It's all the weirdos that have massive cocks, dude.

• 1:10:57Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:10:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow, I didn't make that correlation.

• 1:11:00Speaker 09

  Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put it out there.

• 1:11:02Tom Segura?

  Put it out there.

• 1:11:04Speaker 09

  Have you ever had, like, you're looking at, you're looking at Red Tube, right? Or whatever, right? Yeah, and, and there'll be, there'll be, there'll be, you know, I don't know, I don't know, they keep changing trans, they keep changing their name. Uh, so I just can't keep up. I'm always saying the wrong thing and offending, but they're hung like fucking mules.

• 1:11:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Speaker 09

  And I'm just like, whoa, whoa, why?

• 1:11:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:29Speaker 09

  Why would God put that on them if they didn't want to be that way?

• 1:11:35Tom Segura?

  The people that want to switch?

• 1:11:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:37Tom Segura?

  What, what you got, this piece of equipment? It's crazy.

• 1:11:40Speaker 09

  I can give you mine, it'll look more like a clitoris.

• 1:11:46Speaker 09

  I love that we just left that on there.

• 1:11:48Tom Segura?

  I know. Here, I'll give you something to clap.

• 1:11:50Speaker 09

  So how did you guys get him to come in?

• 1:11:52Tom Segura?

  We just, we were playing his stuff, like the clips we were showing you, and then we just had.

• 1:11:56Speaker 09

  Did he have to get a work visa?

• 1:11:58Tom Segura?

  I don't even know.

• 1:11:59Speaker 09

  That's so interesting.

• 1:12:01Tom Segura?

  I don't know, but he came down and it was a great interview. It was a little fun.

• 1:12:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really? Amazing. Yeah, sweet guy.

• 1:12:06Speaker 09

  Like, like a lot of, any knowledge? Like any knowledge?

• 1:12:08Tom Segura?

  Lots of knowledge.

• 1:12:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lots of stuff.

• 1:12:10Speaker 09

  Like what?

• 1:12:10Tom Segura?

  Well, do you know that the samurai used to suck each other's nipples before battle?

• 1:12:14Speaker 09

  Well, they're probably on some sort of drug. That's what you're like, get all fired up and suck each other's nipples and go to war.

• 1:12:20Tom Segura?

  Did you know that it's gay to not eat your friend's ass?

• 1:12:24Speaker 09

  I did not.

• 1:12:25Tom Segura?

  That stuff we learned.

• 1:12:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do your research.

• 1:12:27Speaker 09

  Shit. I am so gay.

• 1:12:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's, he's right. All these ancient warrior cultures, all, did you, have you even cupped your friend's balls?

• 1:12:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, like the Celtic warriors would do that. They would just hold each other's nuts.

• 1:12:38Speaker 09

  Well, trying to get over a fence.

• 1:12:40Tom Segura?

  Probably. I'll help you out.

• 1:12:43Speaker 09

  Making sure nobody gets a little bit of barbed wire in there.

• 1:12:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:46Speaker 09

  That's not gay. That's helpful.

• 1:12:47Tom Segura?

  That's helpful. Yeah. Totally helpful.

• 1:12:50Speaker 09

  He told you all this?

• 1:12:51Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:12:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:52Speaker 09

  And where did he learn it all?

• 1:12:53Tom Segura?

  Some other guy.

• 1:12:54Speaker 09

  Yeah, some other dude in the forest. As he was sucking his nipples.

• 1:12:58Tom Segura?

  Cool guy in Wyoming.

• 1:13:03Tom Segura?

  Uh, this, here's a good palate clip.

• 1:13:05Speaker 09

  I'm sure he's a sweet guy.

• 1:13:06Tom Segura?

  He's a sweet guy.

• 1:13:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  He is, he is.

• 1:13:07Speaker 09

  Old jizz face.

• 1:13:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit.

• 1:13:12Speaker 09

  Oh my god.

• 1:13:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's your trip to Saudi, Tom.

• 1:13:14Speaker 09

  Oh my god.

• 1:13:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is what they're gonna do here.

• 1:13:16Speaker 09

  Oh my god.

• 1:13:17Tom Segura?

  Shut up. I like when they're like, stop fucking crying.

• 1:13:22Tom Segura?

  Okay, okay, okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna help you here with this next one, okay? You good? Yeah?

• 1:13:29Speaker 09

  What prison is this from?

• 1:13:32Tom Segura?

  Can you imagine paying for this? You're like, my neck's kinda...

• 1:13:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh! There's no world in which that is beneficial.

• 1:13:43Speaker 09

  Oh, kidneys.

• 1:13:46Tom Segura?

  He's got his punching, his punching glove is on his right. He's like, I'll wrap it up.

• 1:13:57Speaker 09

  I'm not being racist in any way, but if I was a white guy and I walked in a room to get something like that done and that guy was wearing that hat, I'd go, no.

• 1:14:07Tom Segura?

  Whoa.

• 1:14:08Speaker 09

  I know what, I know what our people have done to you, so I'm, I'm gonna turn around and go out and probably just find somebody else for my massage.

• 1:14:14Tom Segura?

  Who looks more like me.

• 1:14:15Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah. You gotta, you gotta be smart at times, right?

• 1:14:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wearing that hat!

• 1:14:21Tom Segura?

  What's with the hat, buddy?

• 1:14:22Speaker 09

  Hey buddy, see you got no brim?

• 1:14:26Tom Segura?

  You got half a hat on.

• 1:14:28Speaker 09

  Can't trust you. You're definitely not trying to keep the sun out of your face.

• 1:14:32Tom Segura?

  You gonna go down the street and buy a hat? A real hat?

• 1:14:36Speaker 09

  Then you can punch me in the neck.

• 1:14:37Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:14:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Such a good point.

• 1:14:40Speaker 09

  How, how, how hard do you think he's trying not to get him to roll over and just punch him in the throat?

• 1:14:45Tom Segura?

  Oh, he wants to.

• 1:14:45Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:14:46Tom Segura?

  This guy's in so much pain.

• 1:14:49Speaker 09

  And that, how about the guy in the blue? It's just, his face is just like, ew, I've been waiting for this.

• 1:14:54Tom Segura?

  Waiting.

• 1:14:57Speaker 09

  Yeah. Enjoy our land.

• 1:14:59Tom Segura?

  There's no therapy where I've ever made that sound, you know?

• 1:15:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not even in the chiropractor.

• 1:15:05Speaker 09

  Just crying afterwards. Oh, just, you go right there to hospital, right after that, just straight to hospital. Well, I was, my neck was sore, but now it's broken.

• 1:15:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah. That is kind of what it feels like. He's like, your neck's bothering you? Have you ever had it like fucking completely crushed?

• 1:15:22Speaker 09

  Here's what we gotta do, son. We gotta get your neck off your head.

• 1:15:26Tom Segura?

  And then it won't hurt at all.

• 1:15:27Speaker 09

  You're gonna be fine. You're not gonna feel a thing after that.

• 1:15:29Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 1:15:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true. He might just be severing all the nerves.

• 1:15:32Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:15:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you're not feeling a fucking thing.

• 1:15:34Speaker 09

  Doesn't look like he's severing them well, though, because the guy's in a lot of pain.

• 1:15:36Tom Segura?

  He's in a lot of pain.

• 1:15:38Speaker 09

  I'm feeling it all.

• 1:15:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like when they do old women, these chiropractors.

• 1:15:44Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:15:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they fuck up old ladies' backs and they're like, oh!

• 1:15:48Speaker 09

  Yeah. Just kill them.

• 1:15:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He's like, I fixed her.

• 1:15:52Speaker 09

  Fixed her. She was living, she was living too much life.

• 1:15:54Tom Segura?

  These next ones are within a game.

• 1:15:57Speaker 09

  You guys have never let me down with your videos.

• 1:15:59Tom Segura?

  Oh, good. This is our game. I show you a clip.

• 1:16:03Speaker 09

  Okay.

• 1:16:04Tom Segura?

  You tell me, is it genuinely horrible, like not funny, or is it hilarious?

• 1:16:09Speaker 09

  Okay.

• 1:16:09Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:16:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, not the tooth, fuck.

• 1:16:20Speaker 09

  Tooth came out?

• 1:16:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck, I hate that.

• 1:16:24Speaker 09

  Yeah, he lost his tooth. Funny, funny. It's funny. Funny. And by the way, they should just put the advertisement right afterward.

• 1:16:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, true story.

• 1:16:32Speaker 09

  So this is, this is a fun one.

• 1:16:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's good marketing, yeah.

• 1:16:35Speaker 09

  I have to tell you, a lot of times they're really sad. This was a good one.

• 1:16:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was funny.

• 1:16:38Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:16:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Plus, I, you've, you've lost a tooth, right? It's the worst feeling.

• 1:16:42Speaker 09

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:16:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  When you're like, fuck, now I have to get this dealt with.

• 1:16:45Speaker 09

  Yeah. Do you lose a hockey tooth? I've never, I've just got chips, but I, uh... Oh, you do a pod with Robert? Yeah. Is he a big hockey guy? He likes hockey, but he's not a big hockey guy. Robert, Robert's, uh, the American monster strong man. I know, I know who he is. Yeah, he's football. Yeah, yeah. But you guys became friends? Yeah, I seen him on, um, I seen him on, uh, Righteous Gemstones. Uh huh. And I was just like, who is this guy? Like, I didn't know about him before. I'm just like, he was funny and I was, he was weirdly talented. And he was nothing like what he looked like. Yeah. And I just sent him a message and I said, I think you're hilarious. I think you're so talented. He said, are you trying to fuck me?

• 1:17:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm like, yeah.

• 1:17:22Speaker 09

  I'm like, kind of. Yeah, strong and pretty. Want to come over and, uh, rub cocks on each other? Does he live here in Texas? He's, uh, his wife is from here. He lives in Boise, Idaho. Oh, he lives in Boise? Yeah. That's a white haven. That's good. Yeah, that's why. He, he looks like he fits in there. Sure. Perfectly. Um, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like him. I'm a big fan. Um, all right, here's another one.

• 1:17:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my gosh. Oh shit.

• 1:17:43Speaker 09

  I'm taking a selfie.

• 1:17:49Speaker 09

  Oh, he made it. He made it. That looks like a lot of blood, bro. That's a lot of blood. From your head, too. Yeah, he's gonna have to go to that chiropractor.

• 1:18:01Speaker 09

  Yep. But that's funny, right? That was very, well, for a second you're like, he's definitely dead. Still funny. It's still kinda funny.

• 1:18:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I see it again?

• 1:18:08Speaker 09

  Because he was such a douche. Yeah.

• 1:18:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, how far back did he fall then? Oh my god.

• 1:18:14Tom Segura?

  And so there must be.

• 1:18:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:18:16Tom Segura?

  Cause it looks like he's falling a hundred feet, right?

• 1:18:18Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:18:19Tom Segura?

  So he must have.

• 1:18:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:18:22Speaker 09

  It's weird that a rocking chair was in the middle of nowhere.

• 1:18:25Tom Segura?

  Do you think these two, this is like the day they got a camera phone? Like they just, they're like, you can make video.

• 1:18:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is in Afghanistan somewhere?

• 1:18:34Tom Segura?

  You can hold this.

• 1:18:36Speaker 09

  Yeah, they just, they just got it off an American soldier after a battle.

• 1:18:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Some poshtun.

• 1:18:42Speaker 09

  Yeah. Posh tun. Uh, I, I think, yeah. I think, I think he's, I think he's got that massive stick too. Like that's the biggest stick I've ever seen in my life.

• 1:18:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:55Tom Segura?

  There's no way they have a bunch of those.

• 1:18:57Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:18:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:18:57Speaker 09

  Yeah, I'm sure he's in trouble now.

• 1:18:59Tom Segura?

  This is the town stick.

• 1:19:00Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:19:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  The town stick?

• 1:19:02Speaker 09

  Ravi, what did you do with the stick?

• 1:19:04Tom Segura?

  Where is this thing?

• 1:19:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and it's like a wooden stick.

• 1:19:07Tom Segura?

  We just did, we just practiced our dance routine we want to put up. And now you lose stick.

• 1:19:14Speaker 09

  What, he's, he's doing an advertisement for a mountain climbing?

• 1:19:19Speaker 09

  Hey, everybody.

• 1:19:20Tom Segura?

  You know, there's this thing, every year, there's these like touristy type places all over the world that are high rise, you know, like cliffs and things of this nature. Where like every year they're like, you don't go over there to take like selfies. And everyone's like, I got it.

• 1:19:34Speaker 09

  Like the Grand Canyon to me?

• 1:19:35Tom Segura?

  And they just fucking fall over.

• 1:19:37Speaker 09

  Yeah, I can, I can believe it. I, uh, and I, do you, do you, I, do you care?

• 1:19:42Tom Segura?

  Well, like, no.

• 1:19:44Speaker 09

  Like, there's always somebody that goes just out and they're like, no, not for me. I'm very, why?

• 1:19:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my gosh, I have a feeling, I have a feeling there's no signs.

• 1:19:55Speaker 09

  Yeah, I was gonna say.

• 1:19:56Tom Segura?

  Here, here, no.

• 1:19:58Speaker 09

  No, no, not at all.

• 1:20:00Tom Segura?

  No one's telling you not to sit in a rocking chair on the edge of their cliff.

• 1:20:03Speaker 09

  Wouldn't it be great if they're just, you turn this way and it's their house?

• 1:20:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:06Speaker 09

  They like live up there?

• 1:20:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  On a cliff with goats and shit.

• 1:20:09Speaker 09

  And his mom's face is just in shock because she lost, they lost his, her.

• 1:20:13Tom Segura?

  Favorite stick?

• 1:20:14Speaker 09

  Her chair. Her rocking chair.

• 1:20:17Tom Segura?

  There's a lot, dude, this could be like, he might have a lot of blood coming out of him, you know?

• 1:20:22Speaker 09

  He could have more brain damage than the, than the first guy.

• 1:20:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think this is on like Afghanistan's Funniest Home Videos? Like, do they have that show yet? And if not? Wouldn't this be great?

• 1:20:34Speaker 09

  This, this would be one of the first ones.

• 1:20:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:38Speaker 09

  That would be fantastic. Do you guys watch that guy that's in Iraq? That calls everybody transgender? Do you guys watch? And he just walks around Iraq. And says the funniest things.

• 1:20:52Tom Segura?

  Is it Iraqi guy?

• 1:20:53Speaker 09

  Yeah, he's an Iraqi guy.

• 1:20:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, please find.

• 1:20:55Speaker 09

  Yeah, I, I, I follow him on Instagram. He's hilarious, but he calls everybody wacky transgender bender fender. You know, kind of things.

• 1:21:03Tom Segura?

  Just write up the people?

• 1:21:04Speaker 09

  Like, no, just like on to the, into the camera. Hey, wacky transgender benders, listen up. Here's what I found a dog today and this is what I taught him. Yeah, it's, he's, he's got like a million followers.

• 1:21:14Tom Segura?

  Oh, really?

• 1:21:15Speaker 09

  Yeah, it's a crazy.

• 1:21:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, man. Yeah, because their culture hasn't done all this nonsense.

• 1:21:20Speaker 09

  No, they haven't gone.

• 1:21:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the beginning of this nonsense is what I'm saying. Like, we're gonna get killing you guys.

• 1:21:24Speaker 09

  Yeah, they're not trying to figure out what's going on.

• 1:21:27Tom Segura?

  There's still a lot of places in the world where if you were to, like Iraq probably, where if you're like, oh, pronouns, they would be like, huh? What?

• 1:21:36Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:21:37Tom Segura?

  They wouldn't, they wouldn't even know what you're talking about.

• 1:21:39Speaker 09

  Yeah, they don't.

• 1:21:40Tom Segura?

  It's not, at least not like the, like, most of the population.

• 1:21:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  No way.

• 1:21:44Speaker 09

  It also, it also isn't really that important to them when they look in their backyard and their, everything's gone.

• 1:21:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:51Speaker 09

  Right? Well, what am I gonna call you?

• 1:21:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:55Speaker 09

  But at the same time, do what you want to do.

• 1:21:57Tom Segura?

  Places like that too, of course, but places like that also like, you know, modesty, you realize is a luxury of like, I'm gonna cover up.

• 1:22:04Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:05Tom Segura?

  Whatever, I shit in the street, man. Like, yeah, I'm not really thinking about.

• 1:22:12Speaker 09

  Apparently you haven't been to my neighborhood.

• 1:22:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shit in the street, public defecation.

• 1:22:15Speaker 09

  Have you ever made eye contact with somebody pooping?

• 1:22:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, not even him. He won't let me.

• 1:22:23Speaker 09

  You've been trying for so many years.

• 1:22:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  So many years.

• 1:22:25Speaker 09

  Just try, running in and sneaking.

• 1:22:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He won't even talk to me through the door.

• 1:22:29Speaker 09

  No way.

• 1:22:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so upsetting. Wait, have you made eye contact? Like, with animals pooping?

• 1:22:33Speaker 09

  No, with a person. When I moved to New York, this, I was just walking down the street, la la la, and this guy was, was shitting into a tree and we fucking locked eyes while he was pooping. I just liked, my world was different from that, yeah.

• 1:22:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:46Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:22:47Tom Segura?

  Did he say anything?

• 1:22:48Speaker 09

  No, he just got, he was pooping.

• 1:22:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:50Speaker 09

  And regular? So regular.

• 1:22:53Tom Segura?

  So regular.

• 1:22:54Speaker 09

  You'd think those people would be bunged up.

• 1:22:55Tom Segura?

  And they're not.

• 1:22:56Speaker 09

  No, he didn't put, he didn't push at all.

• 1:22:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, you do remember when you see people shitting in public.

• 1:23:01Tom Segura?

  Or jacking off, yeah.

• 1:23:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are my...

• 1:23:03Speaker 09

  This is him.

• 1:23:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:04Speaker 09

  Fantastic. Do you know this guy?

• 1:23:06Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:23:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:23:07Tom Segura?

  I'd love to see this. Let's see one.

• 1:23:12Speaker 06

  The ocean of Antarctica and this stone, I don't know if you can see, is like different. And also, look here, for the first time in my life, I gonna drinking from the ocean of Antart- Antarctica. And I gonna drink the water.

• 1:23:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That looks fresh as shit.

• 1:23:30Speaker 06

  Clean.

• 1:23:32Speaker 06

  It's very salt, like urination and sweat, but...

• 1:23:37Speaker 06

  And, and his first time in my life, I drink him. And also...

• 1:23:43Speaker 06

  1999, the volcanic erection started here. That mountain used to be volcano. Now he is just mountain.

• 1:23:50Tom Segura?

  Look at his comment here, it says, "My main account is suspended."

• 1:23:55Speaker 06

  Come out here and he freezing, freezing, freezing. Come to the ocean, the ocean cold water, hot lava, it finish him.

• 1:24:02Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:24:03Speaker 06

  The king of Norway.

• 1:24:03Tom Segura?

  What's the next one?

• 1:24:04Speaker 06

  He have a house.

• 1:24:05Speaker 09

  Get one, get, find one with, yeah.

• 1:24:08Speaker 06

  A small baby doggy. Where is your mother?

• 1:24:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my gosh. Oh.

• 1:24:16Speaker 06

  He keeps sucking my toes. I think he's LGBTQ HDTV candidate, but I don't mind. Now you wash your plate. Because every day I clean for you, now today you clean your salad. Today I take my baby doggy to get rabbi's vaccination.

• 1:24:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rabbi's?

• 1:24:30Speaker 06

  So I'm gonna sit down, is the air conditioner touch you good? I don't understand why baby doggy have to get rabbi's vaccination. No, what if he's racist? He's not racist, he's just a baby.

• 1:24:40Tom Segura?

  This is a...

• 1:24:41Speaker 09

  We've had enough.

• 1:24:41Tom Segura?

  Here's another one for you. This is a fun one, okay?

• 1:24:43Speaker 09

  Okay.

• 1:24:44Tom Segura?

  Here we go.

• 1:24:44Speaker 09

  Here we go.

• 1:24:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boom. Oh, this is good. Hey.

• 1:24:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, that's good.

• 1:24:54Tom Segura?

  That's a good one.

• 1:24:55Speaker 09

  Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh.

• 1:24:57Tom Segura?

  This was real, this was in, this, I know, this was on, this was on the news. Um, they were, what is it?

• 1:25:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're two influencers.

• 1:25:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:05Speaker 09

  Do you think that's why they hit him?

• 1:25:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hope so.

• 1:25:07Tom Segura?

  This was in Houston, they were, what, they were having salmon sliders? And an SUV crashed through the window, they went to the hospital, minor injuries. The driver told police they thought it was in park, just rolled into the restaurant.

• 1:25:21Speaker 09

  That's not rolling.

• 1:25:22Tom Segura?

  That didn't seem like rolling.

• 1:25:23Speaker 09

  That was, that was, that was rolling, rolling, that was it, that was that song.

• 1:25:26Tom Segura?

  High impact.

• 1:25:27Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:25:28Tom Segura?

  Alright, one more.

• 1:25:29Speaker 09

  By the way, do you think, it was in Texas and it was in Houston and they looked like an interracial couple, do you think it might have been?

• 1:25:34Tom Segura?

  Somebody was trying to send a message?

• 1:25:35Speaker 09

  Yeah, let people know.

• 1:25:37Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 1:25:38Speaker 09

  No eating together.

• 1:25:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  We didn't even think about that.

• 1:25:40Tom Segura?

  We're not accepting it still.

• 1:25:41Speaker 09

  His jeans were pre, uh, pre ripped, pre ripped though for the.

• 1:25:45Tom Segura?

  Oh, this is great, he's like loading an AC unit up a ladder.

• 1:25:51Speaker 09

  Holy shit.

• 1:25:52Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 1:25:55Speaker 09

  Oh.

• 1:25:58Speaker 09

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:26:02Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:26:10Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:26:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, Superman's here.

• 1:26:16Speaker 09

  That's hilarious. A little late, buddy.

• 1:26:19Tom Segura?

  Oh, man.

• 1:26:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  That looks, that's a bad, but, but here's a question.

• 1:26:23Tom Segura?

  It was bad planning, though.

• 1:26:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you bring a heavy AC unit up?

• 1:26:27Tom Segura?

  I'll tell you one thing you do.

• 1:26:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  How would you top a scaffold?

• 1:26:29Tom Segura?

  You lift it with a rope. I'll tell you something, you have a second person, you don't do it all by yourself.

• 1:26:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  You need a helper.

• 1:26:35Tom Segura?

  You should, he should have had a helper.

• 1:26:36Speaker 09

  Don't have your wife hold the ladder.

• 1:26:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or like a crane, you know, like when they fix the traffic lights? The guy that's in the thing?

• 1:26:44Speaker 09

  Oh, like a, a cherry bucket?

• 1:26:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:26:47Speaker 09

  Yes, yes.

• 1:26:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe that would have been better.

• 1:26:48Speaker 09

  I think, I think it would have been using ropes and going to the top and pulling it up.

• 1:26:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like in Amsterdam?

• 1:26:53Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:26:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  They, they lowered the heavy stuff.

• 1:26:55Tom Segura?

  But again, another person would help.

• 1:26:57Speaker 09

  Another person, yeah, yeah, yeah, somebody to catch it as it's falling, yeah.

• 1:27:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:27:01Tom Segura?

  Well, these were pretty funny today, guys, good job with that patch, they were pretty good.

• 1:27:05Speaker 09

  There was a lot of cock.

• 1:27:07Tom Segura?

  There was.

• 1:27:08Speaker 09

  You guys always do a lot of cock?

• 1:27:10Tom Segura?

  Not always.

• 1:27:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-mm.

• 1:27:11Speaker 09

  You guys just surprise people.

• 1:27:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Some days are like horny guy days, some days are dick days, some days are horny chick days.

• 1:27:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there was a horny chick that opened the show today.

• 1:27:19Speaker 09

  Really?

• 1:27:21Speaker 05

  Hello, my name is Sandra. Give me a father. I've only been with one man in my life.

• 1:27:30Speaker 09

  What?

• 1:27:30Speaker 05

  And we're divorced.

• 1:27:31Speaker 09

  Oh.

• 1:27:32Speaker 05

  I'm looking for men.

• 1:27:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Man.

• 1:27:34Speaker 09

  I'm gonna tell you right now, Christina, your lipstick is selling good.

• 1:27:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you! How did you know? This is my spokes... This is the model, Sandra.

• 1:27:41Speaker 09

  No, is that really?

• 1:27:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes!

• 1:27:42Speaker 09

  It's fantastic.

• 1:27:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. This is my new liquid lipstick line. Yeah, I'm just doing a great job.

• 1:27:48Speaker 09

  And this next one...

• 1:27:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like to be viral.

• 1:27:49Speaker 09

  It is.

• 1:27:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Subtle viral.

• 1:27:50Tom Segura?

  This next one is, for me, it's just one of the shirts I'm selling.

• 1:27:53Speaker 12

  Bro, do I seem like a fucking homo to you?

• 1:27:58Tom Segura?

  I have that shirt.

• 1:27:58Speaker 09

  That is a great shirt. What does it say on the back?

• 1:28:02Speaker 12

  Well, what?

• 1:28:02Tom Segura?

  Not a homo?

• 1:28:03Speaker 12

  You don't have a fucking boyfriend? Man, shut the fuck up, pussy, shut the fuck up. Yeah, I'm a fucking queer. Fuck, no.

• 1:28:10Speaker 09

  That's the back.

• 1:28:11Speaker 12

  I'd rather have sex with your dead grandmother than with another fucking dude. That's not even saying I'm into dead grandmothers either, because I most certainly am not.

• 1:28:18Speaker 09

  Oh my god.

• 1:28:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was awesome.

• 1:28:19Tom Segura?

  You've got a nice family.

• 1:28:20Speaker 09

  Look at this family photo on the back.

• 1:28:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's grandma.

• 1:28:23Tom Segura?

  I never pictured that. That's pretty cool. No, he's a...

• 1:28:28Speaker 12

  That's just how much I fucking... I mean, I don't see how you gays do it.

• 1:28:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at his earrings, dude.

• 1:28:33Speaker 12

  How do you put your genitals in another dude's fucking butthole? It's fucking gross.

• 1:28:40Tom Segura?

  I tell you something else is gross.

• 1:28:41Speaker 12

  But your mom ain't safe around me, bro. Either is your grandma. I don't give a fuck.

• 1:28:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn. Dude, he's hard as fuck.

• 1:28:48Speaker 12

  Who needs sex?

• 1:28:49Speaker 09

  You know why? Because he likes cookies. That's why. That's why he likes grandmas and mums.

• 1:28:53Speaker 12

  My hand works just fine, ladies.

• 1:28:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a weird one.

• 1:28:58Speaker 09

  Is that like in a live chat? Is that what's going on?

• 1:29:00Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:29:01Speaker 09

  Or is that a video to somebody specific?

• 1:29:03Tom Segura?

  I always feel like, I don't... Well, he just said, "You guys are saying..." You know, I think this was actually meant for public consumption.

• 1:29:11Speaker 09

  It's always interesting when those people go viral with hate.

• 1:29:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah.

• 1:29:16Speaker 09

  And I think that might be one of those things.

• 1:29:17Tom Segura?

  That's the...

• 1:29:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is, yeah.

• 1:29:18Tom Segura?

  This at least, I think, is made, he's like, "You guys that are saying this." Sometimes, it's one of my favorite lanes, is when they make a video that is for one person, but they go, "I'll just publicly upload this." You know what I mean?

• 1:29:31Speaker 09

  By mistake, right? They think they're sending it like...

• 1:29:33Tom Segura?

  I think so.

• 1:29:34Speaker 09

  Sending it in a DM.

• 1:29:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  We can't tell. We can't tell.

• 1:29:36Tom Segura?

  You can't tell, but like...

• 1:29:39Speaker 04

  Jennifer, I hope you get this video.

• 1:29:41Speaker 09

  Oh, no.

• 1:29:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, on a 200 hour lithium batteries. You're only gonna get eight hours, no matter what. I got 5,000 BTU. I probably run the same kind of waters. So, yeah.

• 1:29:56Tom Segura?

  This is like three minutes long, but it's all for Jennifer.

• 1:29:58Speaker 09

  It's all, it's all awesome. Have you ever seen somebody upload, there was a guy from my hometown that uploaded him just standing there with his cock.

• 1:30:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:30:08Tom Segura?

  Really? He posted it?

• 1:30:09Speaker 09

  On Facebook.

• 1:30:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:30:10Tom Segura?

  Definitely didn't mean to.

• 1:30:11Speaker 09

  Yeah, I remember I was, I was at, I was at Dr. Grin's in, uh.

• 1:30:15Tom Segura?

  Oh, Grand Rapids.

• 1:30:15Speaker 09

  Grand Rapids.

• 1:30:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Grand Rapids, Mexican.

• 1:30:17Speaker 09

  This is a long time ago and I was just kinda scrolling through Facebook and I was just like, oh, fuck, that was a mistake for sure. That shouldn't be your profile photo.

• 1:30:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wasn't there a famous celebrity that did those stories?

• 1:30:27Tom Segura?

  There's a bunch that have done that. The best is that, uh, like a month or two ago, Conor McGregor posted his dick.

• 1:30:35Speaker 09

  Yes.

• 1:30:35Tom Segura?

  And hung a weight from it. And like, and that was a DM that he had sent. The following week, he announced his presidency, his run for president of Ireland. And then just like three days ago, he's like, I guess I'm not gonna run for president anymore.

• 1:30:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:30:49Speaker 09

  His timeline's fantastic.

• 1:30:51Tom Segura?

  It's amazing.

• 1:30:52Speaker 09

  It should have been, it should have been dick, I'm not gonna run for president. I am gonna run.

• 1:30:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:58Speaker 09

  But he had it all backwards. He could have been president right now, but he had too much weight on his cock and he just fell apart.

• 1:31:04Tom Segura?

  Pretty, pretty impressive.

• 1:31:05Speaker 09

  He needs to go to your boy with the beard.

• 1:31:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I know.

• 1:31:08Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:31:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:31:09Tom Segura?

  That would have been awesome.

• 1:31:09Speaker 04

  I need, I need a little bit of jizz in my pee. Get myself going in the morning. Makes my lips shiny.

• 1:31:16Tom Segura?

  Will you try that? Will you try urine therapy? Would you be open to it?

• 1:31:18Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:31:19Speaker 09

  Have you?

• 1:31:20Tom Segura?

  No, but I'm not from B.C.

• 1:31:21Speaker 09

  Oh, that's true.

• 1:31:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is a regional cuisine.

• 1:31:26Speaker 09

  It's regional. That's hysterical. I'm from British Columbia therefore, what pee drink is that?

• 1:31:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's what we do.

• 1:31:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I ask a stupid question? How was he getting the, a little bit of jizz in the pee? Right? Because don't those valves, one shuts down so that the other one can?

• 1:31:41Tom Segura?

  No, maybe he was like, you know, diddling before. So you have a little more in the urethra, like, you know what I mean? You were twigged, like, to kinda, and then you had a little, little got in the pathway. And then you shut it down and then you had to pee and now they're mixed together.

• 1:31:53Speaker 09

  I love the fact that you're, you are confused by it and you have an answer to it.

• 1:31:57Tom Segura?

  I'm ready.

• 1:31:58Speaker 09

  That's, that's what's great about it is like, how do you? Well, let me tell you how it happens to me. When I did a little bit before I pee, I can tell there's a little bit of something on top of the toilet.

• 1:32:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can tell.

• 1:32:07Tom Segura?

  I get my prostate going.

• 1:32:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you see the little bit of spermicidal spermicides?

• 1:32:15Tom Segura?

  Well, but I mean.

• 1:32:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You see it? That's what he calls it, spermadinal.

• 1:32:19Tom Segura?

  If you get all like worked up and then you don't go all the way.

• 1:32:23Speaker 09

  Right.

• 1:32:24Tom Segura?

  Some of that's gonna seep into your pee path.

• 1:32:26Speaker 09

  Thanks, Sting.

• 1:32:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tantra.

• 1:32:32Tom Segura?

  It's true. It's gonna seep in there.

• 1:32:34Speaker 09

  Yeah, but I'm gonna be honest with you, like these guys, these guys, I just, yeah, I just get there and then I walk away. Holy shit, you must be horrible at a four-way stop. Cause you're supposed to go.

• 1:32:45Tom Segura?

  I think a lot of women need this reminder, cause they're so full of themselves about how they are the ones that bring life into the world. And then sometimes you need like a doctor or somebody to tell you the truth, which is.

• 1:32:58Speaker 10

  Goddamn bitch can't make a baby. Somebody gotta bust a nut in her pussy.

• 1:33:05Tom Segura?

  Right?

• 1:33:07Speaker 09

  Oh, man. Bus talk.

• 1:33:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is why, this is my only regret, I never lived in New York City.

• 1:33:13Speaker 09

  Yes.

• 1:33:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  My only regret in life.

• 1:33:15Speaker 09

  Uh, that and the talent on the trains.

• 1:33:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:18Speaker 09

  Right? Yeah, the talent on the trains is impressive sometimes.

• 1:33:21Tom Segura?

  The dancing, the singing.

• 1:33:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just the public.

• 1:33:23Speaker 09

  Ladies and gentlemen. I am not asking for your money.

• 1:33:28Tom Segura?

  Y'all, your way to work?

• 1:33:29Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:33:30Tom Segura?

  You wanna see some shit?

• 1:33:31Speaker 09

  No. I am a magician.

• 1:33:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:35Speaker 09

  I have two minutes until the next stop. I'm gonna need a number from you.

• 1:33:43Speaker 09

  I'm gonna need a number from you.

• 1:33:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Holy shit.

• 1:33:45Speaker 09

  And I'm gonna guess which card it is.

• 1:33:48Tom Segura?

  Now hit play on that boombox real quick. Check this shit out.

• 1:33:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's worse, public magic, hold on, or public acoustic guitar singing?

• 1:33:58Speaker 09

  Oh, can I add one to that?

• 1:34:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:34:00Speaker 09

  Plastic, no, plastic drums.

• 1:34:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:34:04Speaker 09

  Oh, yeah. With real drumsticks.

• 1:34:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's so loud.

• 1:34:07Speaker 09

  Oh, I hate it.

• 1:34:08Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God. And you see somebody who's a wizard on that.

• 1:34:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:12Speaker 09

  But, yeah, I know.

• 1:34:14Tom Segura?

  You're like, what the fuck?

• 1:34:15Speaker 09

  What do they do with their drums?

• 1:34:16Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:34:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's the thing, though, is it's kind of a useless talent to really, to really get good on the plastic bin.

• 1:34:22Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:34:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're not gonna play in a band with the plastic.

• 1:34:24Speaker 09

  Cause there's no, there's no bass drum on that. You don't know how to double kick.

• 1:34:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. There's no cymbal, hi-hat. There's nothing on there.

• 1:34:31Tom Segura?

  Right now, there's someone listening who's so upset, like, I could show fucking Ian how to fucking double.

• 1:34:36Speaker 06

  Ian can suck my dick. I'll tell you how you do it.

• 1:34:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:34:40Speaker 06

  You take a bigger barrel.

• 1:34:43Speaker 06

  You take a bigger barrel.

• 1:34:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think the public, plastic drumming, I forgot how awful.

• 1:34:48Tom Segura?

  That's your least favorite?

• 1:34:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those three, I actually like, I like magic.

• 1:34:52Tom Segura?

  Oh, see, I would shut down magic first.

• 1:34:54Speaker 09

  Yeah, but you can watch it and not get involved.

• 1:34:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, we have no joy.

• 1:34:58Speaker 09

  Guitar, guitar playing can't, is not that loud.

• 1:35:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the singing with it in, the acoustics in the subway.

• 1:35:04Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah. See, I was thinking about that for the drumming. It is.

• 1:35:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's so loud.

• 1:35:10Tom Segura?

  I always have that.

• 1:35:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like the loud.

• 1:35:11Tom Segura?

  You know, I'm, I'm always like, like we're talking about onstage and off.

• 1:35:15Speaker 09

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:35:16Tom Segura?

  So I'm extraordinarily polite offstage. Like, just to, you know what I mean, in general? And I remember, I still remember, I was in Columbus, Ohio. I had done this show. Doug Benson was standing there with me and we were talking and this guy comes up and he goes, would you like to see some magic? And I was like, I do this, and then he looks at Doug, he goes, not really, dude.

• 1:35:40Tom Segura?

  And it always stuck with me because the guy was like,

• 1:35:44Tom Segura?

  really? He was like, nah, I'm good.

• 1:35:46Speaker 09

  How about the guy that smokes so much weed doesn't see, wanna see magic?

• 1:35:49Tom Segura?

  It does, yeah. It was great, though.

• 1:35:51Speaker 09

  They always wanna see magic.

• 1:35:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. That's what magic's for, starters.

• 1:35:54Tom Segura?

  Shut it down. The guy was like, so like defeated. He was like, alright. He just turned around, walked away.

• 1:36:00Speaker 09

  You were like.

• 1:36:00Tom Segura?

  I was like that. I just couldn't say it.

• 1:36:02Speaker 09

  You were like, I've never been able to do that.

• 1:36:04Tom Segura?

  I've never been able to shut that down.

• 1:36:05Speaker 09

  Doug, how did you do that?

• 1:36:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:07Speaker 09

  And then Doug's like, what happened?

• 1:36:10Tom Segura?

  Actually, I think what he said was, I'm good. That's what I think he said, and that, which is even better.

• 1:36:15Speaker 09

  Better.

• 1:36:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm good.

• 1:36:16Speaker 09

  I'm good.

• 1:36:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so funny.

• 1:36:17Speaker 09

  Seen enough magic today.

• 1:36:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'd be too taken with it.

• 1:36:20Tom Segura?

  So funny, though.

• 1:36:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm like, alright.

• 1:36:23Tom Segura?

  All right. You want to show them what you've collected?

• 1:36:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. These are my TikTok curations. As always, I like to highlight the marginalized people, marginalized communities and give them a voice.

• 1:36:32Tom Segura?

  Spin on the truth.

• 1:36:33Speaker 09

  Yeah, let them have.

• 1:36:34Tom Segura?

  Spin off the truth. Before we do that, pull up Ian Bag's website, please, ianbag.com so that we can. All right. So things that are coming up, Atlanta, Raleigh, Houston, Phoenix, Tempe, Brea, East Providence, Rhode Island, Boston, massive huge tits, Pittsburgh, PA, Seattle, Meat Rattle and Spokane.

• 1:36:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sperm can.

• 1:36:59Tom Segura?

  These are great, great cities and venues you're doing.

• 1:37:01Speaker 09

  Doing not too bad.

• 1:37:02Tom Segura?

  You're doing the

• 1:37:02Speaker 09

  I'm doing

• 1:37:03Tom Segura?

  the Neptune, a bunch of great clubs.

• 1:37:05Speaker 09

  It's kind of exciting. It's fun.

• 1:37:06Tom Segura?

  That's awesome, man.

• 1:37:07Speaker 09

  It all started with you guys, by the way. When you had me come to your show during the pandemic.

• 1:37:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:13Speaker 09

  That's, that's when, that's when this all started.

• 1:37:15Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:37:15Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:37:16Tom Segura?

  That's awesome.

• 1:37:16Speaker 09

  Yeah. So thanks, guys.

• 1:37:17Tom Segura?

  Get tickets. He is seriously one of the best in the world at doing stand up. Go see him.

• 1:37:23Speaker 09

  I will not drink my own pee.

• 1:37:25Tom Segura?

  You might be able to convince him. Here we go. All right. Unbox my dead cat with me. Holy shit.

• 1:37:33Speaker 09

  Are you fucking serious?

• 1:37:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. So you can have your, your dead cat.

• 1:37:40Tom Segura?

  She's fully breaking down. That's great.

• 1:37:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would die. Oh, I don't know if I could do it.

• 1:37:45Speaker 09

  Actually, it's not much more than what a cat usually does.

• 1:37:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's kind of chill.

• 1:37:49Speaker 09

  Yeah. So it's kind of, I think we should maybe do that to all cats.

• 1:37:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Would you do this?

• 1:37:54Speaker 09

  No, but yeah, but if you love cats.

• 1:37:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:57Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:37:58Tom Segura?

  You have a dog?

• 1:37:58Speaker 09

  We have dogs.

• 1:37:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, dogs.

• 1:38:00Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:38:01Tom Segura?

  Do you want to preserve them when they pass?

• 1:38:02Speaker 09

  No, my wife has them, takes them, has them, uh, um, incinerated. Yeah. And then she brings home, uh, the ashes.

• 1:38:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:13Speaker 09

  Yeah. And they

• 1:38:14Tom Segura?

  You know, you can do that.

• 1:38:14Speaker 09

  They sit next to my mom. It's fucking weird.

• 1:38:18Tom Segura?

  You can do that on a big green egg if you have one of those.

• 1:38:23Tom Segura?

  Flame them up.

• 1:38:24Speaker 09

  Oh my god, that's really funny.

• 1:38:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they're big too, you can get the big size.

• 1:38:28Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah, absolutely.

• 1:38:29Speaker 06

  Bitch, go fist fuck yourself. Shut the fuck up you bitch, or I'll come over there and tell you what I can do with my fist. About to take a rain check on that fuck wide, my dance card is full tonight.

• 1:38:41Speaker 09

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:38:42Tom Segura?

  Eddie, what is this from? Man, fuck you.

• 1:38:47Speaker 09

  What is that? What's the name of that porno?

• 1:38:49Tom Segura?

  Uh, I don't know.

• 1:38:50Speaker 09

  Lispin'.

• 1:38:51Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:38:52Speaker 09

  Lispin' behind bars.

• 1:38:54Tom Segura?

  That's all I know. Okay.

• 1:38:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's that, Eddie?

• 1:38:56Tom Segura?

  Eddie's not a big fan of these. It's from your feed, that's all I know.

• 1:38:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's from my feed, yeah.

• 1:38:59Tom Segura?

  What's this one?

• 1:39:00Speaker 08

  I love when a man pulls my panties to the side and my balls just flop out.

• 1:39:07Speaker 09

  I love that. Who could love that? That makes me laugh. That will never get old.

• 1:39:12Tom Segura?

  That's great.

• 1:39:13Speaker 09

  Remember Fred from Howard Stern used to do the?

• 1:39:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, so good.

• 1:39:21Tom Segura?

  Don't go changing. Alright, well that's a good one.

• 1:39:25Speaker 08

  So, as somebody in the aviation field, I just want to let y'all know, your airport fit matters. It matters what you wear to this here airport, and let me tell you why. There's a couple reasons why. But let me just tell y'all something. You never, and I mean never, know who you gonna come across. I always said, I might meet my husband here.

• 1:39:51Speaker 08

  You don't never know, ladies, put your best fit on.

• 1:39:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's right.

• 1:39:56Speaker 08

  Men, put your best fit on. You don't know who you bound to run across in the airport, and I'm not even just talking about like, romantically. Your next boss could be found in there.

• 1:40:10Speaker 09

  Very flexible fingers.

• 1:40:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:40:12Speaker 08

  Your next business partner. Like you just, the sky's the limit when it comes to the airport.

• 1:40:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great nails.

• 1:40:20Speaker 08

  Dress your best, coming and going.

• 1:40:24Tom Segura?

  I gotta say, I'm a, I'm a big fan of what she's saying.

• 1:40:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Same here.

• 1:40:28Tom Segura?

  Having seen the absolute bottom of the barrel on so many flights where you're like, what the fuck is going on?

• 1:40:35Speaker 09

  Uh huh.

• 1:40:35Tom Segura?

  I, I don't, I don't, I wouldn't go as far as to say we have to go back to the 50s where it was coat and tie to fly. But the amount of fucking PJs, house slippers, fucking a body wrap you'd wear at the pool. You're just like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

• 1:40:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've seen girls get on airplanes just in bathing suits.

• 1:40:52Speaker 09

  I'm going direct to the airport from here.

• 1:40:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's, but that's at least a cool t-shirt. You saw the Oasis show. That's cool. Oh my God. How great was it? I'm so bummed I didn't get to.

• 1:41:02Tom Segura?

  Don't you think it's sometimes though, a little too much in the extreme of absolute shit?

• 1:41:06Speaker 09

  At the airport, it's, yeah, but at the same time, I'm more concerned when I see a girl get on with, uh, with like leather pants. Or I'm just like, are you fucking, as soon as you get off the plane, like what's going, like, like gigantic, like stilettos? You're like, is there a strip club in Chicago's airport that I'm not aware of? Yeah, like it's.

• 1:41:27Tom Segura?

  It's a lot.

• 1:41:28Speaker 09

  But, uh, yeah, I, I also, flying in winter, when you have to wear giant coats is also bothers me because some people will wear, I'm just like, they're expecting this plane to go down and we're gonna have to hike out of here.

• 1:41:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's me betting.

• 1:41:40Speaker 09

  Is that you?

• 1:41:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I used to fly with the North Face fur thing. I got so cold. But I would zip it up and just sit like this on the plane.

• 1:41:49Tom Segura?

  She also wears that when it's, uh, like 62.

• 1:41:53Speaker 09

  Oh my God.

• 1:41:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's why I love Texas. Nice and warm.

• 1:41:55Speaker 09

  I love Texas cause I'm warm.

• 1:41:59Speaker 09

  I've never been so much warmer in my life. Anyways, who do you think this lady's mad at? Is she gonna show the picture? Cause.

• 1:42:04Tom Segura?

  She's just, this is a collection, this is a feeling where she has, she's feeling compelled to say this. Because it's been probably years of her being like, why is that person dressed in a garbage bag?

• 1:42:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I agree. It looks terrible.

• 1:42:19Speaker 09

  She did bring out her necklace while she told us that.

• 1:42:21Tom Segura?

  She did. She showed us.

• 1:42:22Speaker 09

  It was Jesus.

• 1:42:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's her friend. I, no, it's, I think it's her and like her BFF. I was trying to figure out who the photo was of.

• 1:42:28Speaker 09

  Oh, do you think she was taking down her best friend? Putting her out. Samantha just seen ya. What are you fucking wearing in the airport?

• 1:42:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe.

• 1:42:38Speaker 13

  My name is Summer. I'm a freak and I like to fuck on the first date. So if you think you can keep up with me, add me 123812.

• 1:42:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:42:47Speaker 09

  She does not know how to use a phone.

• 1:42:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  They, yeah.

• 1:42:50Tom Segura?

  She is in the Idaho correctional program. And they do a lot of these. They do these video messages for pen pals.

• 1:42:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you can put money in their commissary and stuff, but Summer's like one of the hotter inmates, dude.

• 1:43:03Tom Segura?

  Summer's hot and she's also telling you, I'm down.

• 1:43:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's, yeah.

• 1:43:07Tom Segura?

  She's not like, sometimes they're like, ah, I want a friend. I'd like to get to meet somebody. I'd like to have, you know, conversations. She was just like, I'm down to fuck. What's up?

• 1:43:15Speaker 09

  She's in prison. I put my pussy on the glass.

• 1:43:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:19Speaker 09

  On the first time you come in. Your mom and dad will see my baguine.

• 1:43:23Tom Segura?

  It'd be fun if we could, if you can do a Google search real quick with her name to find out what her offense is.

• 1:43:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. Yes. Okay, can we guess before it comes up?

• 1:43:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we can definitely guess.

• 1:43:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm just gonna go simple. A couple of DUIs.

• 1:43:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  She stacked them. She was, she had a, oh.

• 1:43:39Tom Segura?

  I'm going for assault or battery. I actually think it's a violent altercation. Yeah.

• 1:43:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no, no. Public indecency.

• 1:43:45Tom Segura?

  That counts?

• 1:43:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause she's a freak, so maybe she's banging.

• 1:43:49Tom Segura?

  Do you go to jail for that though?

• 1:43:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. Maybe she, maybe got drunk and fucked too many dudes in public.

• 1:43:54Speaker 09

  Gang bang public.

• 1:43:56Tom Segura?

  She's, she's in the system, you know? This isn't jail.

• 1:43:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you're right. Sorry. So she's really booked.

• 1:44:01Tom Segura?

  This is a correctional facility.

• 1:44:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or she had a bad boyfriend who led her down the path. Annie's good at this. Annie, what do you think this bitch did?

• 1:44:08Speaker 09

  Would that be prostitution?

• 1:44:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, maybe.

• 1:44:13Tom Segura?

  I mean, this bitch definitely fights, so, yeah, I'm assuming there's some violence.

• 1:44:17Speaker 09

  Assault or battery, possibly, yeah.

• 1:44:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't pick up violence.

• 1:44:20Speaker 09

  I still think stalking. I think.

• 1:44:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stalking is interesting.

• 1:44:23Speaker 09

  Stalking with a weapon.

• 1:44:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, did we find anything, Guy?

• 1:44:28Speaker 09

  Bitch be crazy.

• 1:44:29Tom Segura?

  Bitch be crazy. Okay, controlled possession, grand theft by common law, larceny, embezzlement, extortion, and receiving stolen goods.

• 1:44:39Speaker 09

  It's very Idaho.

• 1:44:40Tom Segura?

  Injury to child is also one of them.

• 1:44:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's not good.

• 1:44:44Tom Segura?

  Still hot, we're still, I'd still take you out.

• 1:44:47Speaker 09

  Yep.

• 1:44:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Control, in control of, whatever, drugs.

• 1:44:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Drugs, grand theft.

• 1:44:52Speaker 09

  In control of drugs, that, that sounds like she did drugs well.

• 1:44:55Tom Segura?

  Sentence.

• 1:44:55Speaker 09

  But she never got a tip.

• 1:44:56Tom Segura?

  Look at this sentence satisfaction date, she's locked up till 2030 for the child injury.

• 1:45:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh geez.

• 1:45:01Speaker 09

  Somebody got hurt.

• 1:45:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she's, she's getting through grand larceny next year, controlled substance, 27, and then another few years for hurting a kid.

• 1:45:09Speaker 09

  She should probably say, I fuck on the first date, but I'm not gonna look like this.

• 1:45:14Tom Segura?

  She's 28.

• 1:45:15Speaker 09

  Yeah, but she's gonna be in there until 2030.

• 1:45:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:45:19Speaker 09

  Yeah. Yeah, good eyebrows for prison.

• 1:45:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, she looks great.

• 1:45:23Tom Segura?

  I'd love to know more about what this stupid fucking kid did.

• 1:45:29Speaker 09

  Is there, is there a news story, look for a news story under her name.

• 1:45:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, she's 28, she's young, so she'll still be cute when she gets out, she'll be good.

• 1:45:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:37Speaker 09

  Yeah, but after prison?

• 1:45:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, the food's bad, the sleep is bad.

• 1:45:41Tom Segura?

  That's why we gotta donate, okay, number 123812, write that down so we can send something in today.

• 1:45:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Commissary.

• 1:45:47Speaker 09

  We gotta keep her hot.

• 1:45:49Speaker 06

  Initiate errand.

• 1:45:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:45:51Speaker 06

  Approach.

• 1:45:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  So these are like fat nerds in the park.

• 1:45:55Tom Segura?

  Jedi apprentices.

• 1:45:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jedi nerd stuff.

• 1:45:59Speaker 06

  Kneel.

• 1:46:00Tom Segura?

  Kneel.

• 1:46:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  These are adults, no kids, yeah.

• 1:46:03Speaker 06

  By the right of council.

• 1:46:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:46:06Speaker 06

  By the will of the Force, I name you Jedi apprentice, rise and speak your name. Rilostone chaser. Rilostone chaser!

• 1:46:18Speaker 09

  Oh my god.

• 1:46:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  At least he's, I hope so, I hope he is the only one. Alright, like I hope they're doing this for him.

• 1:46:27Tom Segura?

  Oh, right.

• 1:46:27Speaker 09

  Oh, I see, yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just put that together, like, maybe they're doing.

• 1:46:32Tom Segura?

  I gotta say something, they're not. Definitely not happening.

• 1:46:36Speaker 09

  By the way, if he's special needs, you think he's actually chasing storms?

• 1:46:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nova Scotia. Who's that guy? It's like that storm watcher.

• 1:46:46Tom Segura?

  Frankie.

• 1:46:49Tom Segura?

  There's a storm coming.

• 1:46:51Speaker 09

  Hey guys, it's Frankie.

• 1:46:54Speaker 14

  God bless the L G B T Q I A.

• 1:47:01Tom Segura?

  My God.

• 1:47:01Speaker 14

  From sea to shiny sea. From every mountain.

• 1:47:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mountain.

• 1:47:09Speaker 14

  From the desert.

• 1:47:11Tom Segura?

  Mountain.

• 1:47:12Speaker 09

  Mountain new.

• 1:47:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's putting her hand on her heart, too.

• 1:47:18Speaker 14

  God bless the L G B T Q I A.

• 1:47:27Tom Segura?

  You think there's a part of her that just hopes this song catches on?

• 1:47:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:47:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just like that woman that was doing that stuff.

• 1:47:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Latin and indigenous people of color.

• 1:47:38Tom Segura?

  Remember that one? Oh, that one's amazing.

• 1:47:41Speaker 09

  Oh, my God. Well, this one's.

• 1:47:42Tom Segura?

  Latin and indigenous people of color. Latinos and Haitians, indigenous.

• 1:47:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Creoles. She got everybody.

• 1:47:52Tom Segura?

  She lists almost the whole world.

• 1:47:55Speaker 09

  She just goes through all the colors.

• 1:47:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she really does.

• 1:47:58Speaker 09

  I like that her little.

• 1:47:59Speaker 06

  Roaring like a lion. Savage, we want you like a sexy woman.

• 1:48:06Tom Segura?

  That's fucking rad.

• 1:48:06Speaker 06

  Loving you all day long into the evening. Dust to the morning dawn.

• 1:48:13Speaker 09

  Definitely a Kill Tony winner.

• 1:48:18Tom Segura?

  Guess who's getting a ticket?

• 1:48:20Speaker 09

  Guess who's getting a gold ticket?

• 1:48:23Tom Segura?

  Throw him a little joke book. You did it. Oh, my God.

• 1:48:27Speaker 15

  Do you feel like you're not enough?

• 1:48:29Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:48:29Speaker 15

  Because your partner wants to open up the relationship?

• 1:48:32Tom Segura?

  Oh, tight.

• 1:48:32Speaker 15

  I have a rude question for you. When has your partner ever?

• 1:48:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:36Speaker 15

  Required you to be enough?

• 1:48:38Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:48:39Speaker 15

  Your partner thinks you are essential to their thriving.

• 1:48:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:42Speaker 15

  That is why they want to partner with you in this massive transition.

• 1:48:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:48Speaker 15

  You have always been a source of magnificence in their lives because you're just being you. They love you unequivocally because.

• 1:48:56Tom Segura?

  You don't know me, bitch.

• 1:48:57Speaker 15

  You are an essential part of their wholeness. So why are you requiring yourself to be enough?

• 1:49:03Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:49:04Speaker 09

  I'm always confused when Asians get really round glasses.

• 1:49:12Speaker 09

  Are you trying to make me look like you're surprised?

• 1:49:16Speaker 09

  Sorry. Yeah. By the way, this brings up your guys' relationship. Yes.

• 1:49:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:21Speaker 09

  Do you guys feel that you guys are asking too much? No, we're super open.

• 1:49:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Super open.

• 1:49:26Speaker 09

  Super. We've already had this conversation, that's why we wanted to share it.

• 1:49:31Speaker 09

  Each other's enough, you guys are doing good for each other. Are you enough?

• 1:49:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm enough, I'm enough. Are you enough? I'm okay, you're okay.

• 1:49:36Speaker 09

  Okay.

• 1:49:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about you and your wife, are you guys like?

• 1:49:39Speaker 09

  Fuck that bitch, no.

• 1:49:42Speaker 09

  I love it. Yeah, she's, uh, yeah. She's open. Yeah, she's, yeah, yeah.

• 1:49:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  How many partners do you, or does she have right now?

• 1:49:49Speaker 09

  She's got probably about sixteen, every time. Do you have that thing where you get super excited when she's going on a date for the first time with somebody new? I do, I'm just like, "Oh, girl!" Yeah, I'm so excited for you. What position you're gonna do? Yeah.

• 1:50:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and you wanna hear the details?

• 1:50:03Speaker 09

  I, I, yeah, I'm just like, "Come on, did he get a handy too?"

• 1:50:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:07Speaker 09

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:50:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  That N R E.

• 1:50:08Speaker 09

  Yeah. You think that's what she's saying, that everybody's open?

• 1:50:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so her account, I've, I've been following her for a minute, it's these really detailed videos about being polyamorous and how to, why you should do it, why it's good for you and good for, it's, it's, it's a lot of intellectualizing a thing that seems really hard to do. Do you know what I mean? I just think on an intuitive level, she knows that like, this shit doesn't feel good, so I have to like, rationalize this.

• 1:50:36Speaker 09

  She's trying to put it all together?

• 1:50:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, some guy, usually it's some guy that's talked chicks into this.

• 1:50:42Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:50:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And now she's telling you and she's convincing.

• 1:50:44Speaker 09

  It's a twenties thing.

• 1:50:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:46Speaker 09

  Right?

• 1:50:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe that's what this is.

• 1:50:47Speaker 09

  Just having fun and games. I, I'm always confused when you see people like fifty, sixty, "Well, she's still swinging," I'm like, "Ugh, huh, interesting."

• 1:50:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree.

• 1:50:57Speaker 09

  We have a hard time picking what we're gonna do to the kitchen.

• 1:51:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, how are these people so juiced up in their 50s and 60s?

• 1:51:05Speaker 09

  Yeah.

• 1:51:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially the women.

• 1:51:07Speaker 09

  As you get older, you're like, you can't, you can't, I talk about this on stage, you can't have sex the same day you eat. Right? Like, it's Monday, eat, Friday, sex, or you're pushing farts out of each other. That's alls you're doing for an hour.

• 1:51:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:21Speaker 09

  An hour.

• 1:51:23Tom Segura?

  You definitely don't want to go to dinner and then fuck.

• 1:51:25Speaker 09

  No, but when you're in your twenties, you can have a big bowl of spaghetti and still like pound out two bitches, no problem.

• 1:51:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no problem. Show those bitches what's up.

• 1:51:34Speaker 09

  Show those bitches what's up. Surprise!

• 1:51:35Speaker 06

  Hi, Peter.

• 1:51:36Speaker 09

  Oh shit.

• 1:51:37Tom Segura?

  Peter?

• 1:51:37Speaker 06

  This is Joe from Koho.

• 1:51:40Tom Segura?

  I love it.

• 1:51:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm a cop.

• 1:51:42Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:51:45Speaker 06

  He makes transfers look easy.

• 1:51:49Speaker 06

  First of all.

• 1:51:50Tom Segura?

  This is a real cop?

• 1:51:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, it's a real cop, babe.

• 1:51:54Tom Segura?

  You gotta change the battery in the smoke detector, that was crazy.

• 1:51:58Speaker 09

  Right off the top.

• 1:51:59Tom Segura?

  First time I've seen that from a white guy, it's pretty cool.

• 1:52:03Speaker 09

  So whose house do you think he's in?

• 1:52:10Speaker 13

  What vibe are you interested in?

• 1:52:11Speaker 16

  I'm very interested in showing us and like just being us. Just probably be like, not verbally checking in, but just like looking at you a lot, stepping back and just admiring you in rope.

• 1:52:25Speaker 13

  I think I'm interested in something a bit more comforting. I want to be like really close and connected to you. I definitely want like really soft and tender moments.

• 1:52:34Speaker 16

  Great. What do you need for aftercare?

• 1:52:37Speaker 13

  I think I'd like a full meal. And to do a debrief and a walkthrough, just to talk through each part and to see how we both feel about it. What do you need for aftercare?

• 1:52:49Speaker 16

  I think I need all of those things. And then I would love to just check in maybe tomorrow or the day after, even though it's been a day or two, I just want to make sure you're still feeling good.

• 1:52:58Speaker 13

  Awesome.

• 1:52:58Speaker 16

  Anything else we need to cover?

• 1:53:00Speaker 13

  Nothing I can think of.

• 1:53:01Speaker 16

  Check out the next video if you want to see what we do.

• 1:53:04Speaker 09

  Just for aftercare, deal with your own shame by yourself. Just, just go in the corner and think about, huh.

• 1:53:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Aftercare?

• 1:53:12Speaker 09

  Sounds like, it sounded like it was going to be fun before we did it, and then as soon as they came, I then was feeling uncomfortable.

• 1:53:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is aftercare.

• 1:53:21Tom Segura?

  Is this like the ideal, is this like basically how you're supposed to talk to somebody?

• 1:53:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, what do you need?

• 1:53:29Tom Segura?

  During, what are you looking for during?

• 1:53:30Speaker 09

  You guys need to wear your headset headphones when you do it.

• 1:53:33Tom Segura?

  Put these in.

• 1:53:34Speaker 09

  You gotta put your Chris Titus headphone.

• 1:53:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so much for fucking. Like this ultimately is for fucking, right?

• 1:53:39Tom Segura?

  I think, well, they said rope.

• 1:53:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  So they're gonna Shibar, Shibu, Shibuitzu, that Shibarutzu, rope tie?

• 1:53:45Speaker 09

  Where you make your own meat?

• 1:53:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shibuinu?

• 1:53:47Speaker 09

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:53:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  You make your own meat?

• 1:53:53Speaker 09

  What do you need for aftercare? I need a good burping.

• 1:53:59Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:54:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, love the kimchi. So they're, they're, yeah, it's about rope and stuff. And I guess, I guess that's a fairly involved sexual thing.

• 1:54:08Tom Segura?

  What are you looking for when we're doing this? And then they were also like, I'd also, I'd like to check in in two days to make sure you don't hate me.

• 1:54:17Tom Segura?

  For what I'm gonna do to you. Is it cool?

• 1:54:20Speaker 09

  I'm gonna tie you up, hang you. Do those people get like all boned up when they go near boats?

• 1:54:26Tom Segura?

  Probably.

• 1:54:27Speaker 09

  Probably, right?

• 1:54:27Tom Segura?

  Probably, yeah.

• 1:54:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good point. Like two days from now, are we still cool?

• 1:54:31Tom Segura?

  When you're gonna be like, pretty fucked up over these memories, can I call you? Yeah.

• 1:54:37Speaker 09

  Whenever I see those, they're always hanging upside down.

• 1:54:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. Can we see what the Shibuinu looks like?

• 1:54:43Tom Segura?

  Yes, I squeeze, like the tit almost comes off.

• 1:54:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a mammogram thing?

• 1:54:47Speaker 09

  The guy that does the mammograms, that's his after, after work fun.

• 1:54:50Tom Segura?

  Hey, your tits went from purple to black. Are we still good?

• 1:54:55Speaker 09

  Just fine, Tom. Just fine.

• 1:54:57Tom Segura?

  Thanks for checking in.

• 1:54:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, this is elaborate. Yeah, it's cutting off all kinds of circulation.

• 1:55:04Tom Segura?

  That reminds me of a girl I knew in college, actually.

• 1:55:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, okay, all right. Oh, shit. Okay, so this does require a lot of check in.

• 1:55:11Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:55:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, this is, this is elaborate.

• 1:55:15Tom Segura?

  And you gotta make sure that like your, your safe thing isn't get me fucking down from here right now. Because that's gonna be like, no, bitch, shut up.

• 1:55:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you fuck while you're tied up like that?

• 1:55:24Tom Segura?

  I don't think so.

• 1:55:25Speaker 09

  I don't think they have sex.

• 1:55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:55:27Speaker 09

  I think, I think they get off on the being tied up.

• 1:55:29Tom Segura?

  Tied up and no control.

• 1:55:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  See you later.

• 1:55:31Speaker 09

  Cause how do you get into that?

• 1:55:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah, that's a lot.

• 1:55:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's it? There's no fucking?

• 1:55:37Tom Segura?

  Well, maybe they fuck after. You don't fuck during that.

• 1:55:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You fuck after, after she's cut the purple mark.

• 1:55:43Speaker 09

  Yeah, after she's, after she can't feel anything.

• 1:55:45Tom Segura?

  And she's like, ah, ow. And you go, I'm gonna fuck you now, stupid.

• 1:55:49Speaker 09

  Tommy.

• 1:55:51Tom Segura?

  I love it.

• 1:55:53Speaker 09

  Tommy.

• 1:55:55Tom Segura?

  This was the best, dude.

• 1:55:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I say, it's not cuties doing all this shit.

• 1:55:59Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:55:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  These two pigs.

• 1:56:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's never like hotties. Like, is there, like, there's like a hot mannequin, not these two fucking hairy pigs.

• 1:56:08Tom Segura?

  Go see.

• 1:56:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tits, beards and tits.

• 1:56:11Tom Segura?

  Ian Bag.

• 1:56:11Speaker 09

  Hey, man, do you like to be tied up? Oh, yeah, man, I look a little bit tied up.

• 1:56:16Tom Segura?

  Well, they both were like this.

• 1:56:18Speaker 09

  Oh, boy.

• 1:56:23Speaker 09

  It's gonna sound like a dribble.

• 1:56:26Speaker 09

  Is that the fart microphone?

• 1:56:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:27Speaker 09

  Oh, my god.

• 1:56:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you were here for the original fart mic. Do you have to fart?

• 1:56:31Speaker 09

  No, I don't. But if I did, I would take this studio down.

• 1:56:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:36Speaker 09

  I'd nail it.

• 1:56:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just wanna watch you and communicate with you.

• 1:56:39Tom Segura?

  What are you looking for, for, um, aftercare? I'd like a full meal. And I'd also like you to call me and say hi.

• 1:56:48Speaker 09

  Some salve for all my rope burns?

• 1:56:52Tom Segura?

  I'd also like some new rope. Um, okay.

• 1:56:56Speaker 09

  Two fishermen talk afterwards.

• 1:56:58Tom Segura?

  Ian Bag is on tour. He is, um, absolutely one of the best comedians.

• 1:57:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go see Ian Bag.

• 1:57:03Tom Segura?

  Go to ianbag.com. If you're in any of those cities, check him out. Check out the Husky Boys podcast with him and Robert Oberst. It's always good to see you, man. We miss you.

• 1:57:12Speaker 09

  We're friends, right?

• 1:57:13Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 1:57:14Speaker 09

  Okay. Just checking, making sure. Because it's weird when you, when you're first, and I'm sorry, and we're still supposed to be wrapping it up, but when you first start out, that's the best time.

• 1:57:23Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:57:24Speaker 09

  Because nobody's running around trying and doing everything.

• 1:57:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:28Speaker 09

  Now, you just, you barely ever see any friends. It sucks.

• 1:57:30Tom Segura?

  It sucks. Well, of course, we love you, man.

• 1:57:33Speaker 09

  Okay, just checking, making sure.

• 1:57:34Tom Segura?

  Do you love us?

• 1:57:34Speaker 09

  I, I, I have always been a big fan. And when you guys, I was so happy for your success. And I just, when you guys had kids and

• 1:57:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:44Speaker 09

  It is, it just, I, you guys make me giggle. I get stuff all the time. And, uh, yeah. And then you do these things, like, get nominated for awards. And I'm just like, motherfucker, it is awesome. So, congratulations. I don't know how you're friends with Burt. Anyways.

• 1:58:00Tom Segura?

  He is so fat. All right. We will see you guys next week. Bye bye.

• 1:58:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  We've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming.

• 1:58:10Tom Segura?

  A lot of people need fart mics.

• 1:58:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fart mic, fart mic, fart mic, toot toots.

• 1:58:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Toot toots.

• 1:58:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Toot toots. I'm serious about the fart mics. Professional mics.

• 1:58:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  We've been looking into fart mics, which has been a long time coming.

• 1:58:24Tom Segura?

  A lot of people need fart mics.

• 1:58:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fart mic, fart mic, fart mic, toot toots. Tom. Toot toots.

• 1:58:29Tom Segura?

  It's always...

• 1:58:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow! Toot toots.

• 1:58:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  And in the professional mics.

• 1:58:32Speaker 15

  Can I have the fart mic?

• 1:58:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was a perfect fart.

• 1:58:35Tom Segura?

  Thank you. Yeah.

• 1:58:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  We got the equipment, Tom. Fart mic. I feel like a lot of our listeners are serious about wanting one.

• 1:58:42Tom Segura?

  Respect.

• 1:58:42Speaker 15

  Can I have the fart mic?

• 1:58:46Speaker 15

  Did it register?

• 1:58:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're kidding! Fart mic.

• 1:58:49Tom Segura?

  I'm sure they heard it, they didn't know.

• 1:58:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's so upsetting.

• 1:58:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we did all that work, and then no one's here to announce it.

• 1:58:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, these chairs, like you've said before, they're not conducive to farting. Fart mic.

• 1:59:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:59:09Tom Segura?

  It smells bad.

• 1:59:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  My tears come to my eyes, that was...

• 1:59:13Tom Segura?

  It doesn't smell bad.

• 1:59:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  You really gotta be proud of yourself.

• 1:59:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That you caught that on fart mics.

• 1:59:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta really lean over, you gotta practically lay in your shit hammock.

• 1:59:28Tom Segura?

  True.

• 1:59:34Speaker 17

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