The Cheat Code For Black Comedy w/ Gary Owen | Your Mom's House Ep. 826

SPONSORS: New Customers Bet $5 to get $300 Instantly in Bonus Bets and $200 OFF NFL Sunday Ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV. Sign up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code MOM. Here come the Cincinnati boys! Tom welcomes comedian/actor Gary Owen—for a long-overdue YMH hang. They trade Queen City origin stories, first mics, and the wild path that took Gary from the U. S. Navy to San Diego open mics, Black room gauntlets, and a film run with legends like Eddie Murphy, Jamie Foxx, Martin Lawrence, the Wayans brothers, and Kevin Hart. Tom also challenges Gary to a round of “Tom or Black?”, they relive the Def Jam glory days, FSU vs. Alabama stadium suites, Deion “Prime” Sanders, Randy Moss's fishing obsession, Bengals heartbreak, and why standup is booming again. Plus: Tom opens the show 28 minutes in with Ryan's latest interest Brazilian farts. Your Mom’s House Ep. 826 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new DraftKings customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Get 1 promo code to redeem discounted NFL Sunday Ticket subscription and max. $300 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos . NFL Sunday Ticket: YouTube TV base plan (not included in this offer) required to watch NFL Sunday Ticket on YouTube TV. Subscription autorenews yearly at then-current price (currently $378 for YouTube TV subscribers, or $480 for YouTube subscribers); cancel anytime. Terms, restrictions, embargoes and eligibility requirements apply. No refunds. Digital only games excluded. Commercial use excluded. Additional terms: https://tv.youtube.com/learn/nflsundayticket/draftkings/. Offer ends 9/7/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:40 - Two Cincinnati Kids 00:09:00 - Doing Comedy For The Blacks 00:18:34 - White Audiences Vs Black Audiences 00:25:46 - Opening Clip: I'm Ryan 00:27:13 - Rich Guys Into Deranged Shit 00:31:23 - Working With Comedy Legends 00:36:05 - Gary's New Special & Undercover Boss 00:42:41 - Tom Or Black? 00:46:20 - Florida State Vs Alabama 00:48:30 - Randy Moss 00:54:23 - The Cincinnati Bengals 01:00:46 - Why Move To Austin? 01:05:37 - Closing Song - "Let's Go Water Champ Tommy Buns" by Sweet Mitchel Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:12Speaker 00

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• 0:38Tom Segura?

  Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. As always, I'm joined by my beautiful co-host Christina.

• 0:47Tom Segura?

  And joining us for the first time, long overdue, another Cincinnati native. You can see his special, No S, available right now on YouTube. You can get tickets to see him live at GaryOwen.live. It's Gary Owen, everybody.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:03Tom Segura?

  Thank you for coming in, man.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  No, this is awesome.

• 1:05Tom Segura?

  This is cool. We're both Cincinnati guys by birth, and I've heard that probably 100,000 times in the 20 some odd years I've been doing stand-up, and I can't believe I've never met you.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  That's wild.

• 1:18Tom Segura?

  Everyone's always like, "Oh, you must be good friends with Gary." I'm like, "I mean, I'm a fan. I know who he is, but I've never met him, dude. I've never met him."

• 1:24Speaker 02

  That's wild how comedians will just be in circles and you'll see your name at a club coming a couple of weeks later or something, but then you never really...

• 1:31Tom Segura?

  You're like, "I've never met that dude for 20 years. I've never met that dude."

• 1:34Speaker 02

  That's wild. Did you start? Where did you start doing stand-up?

• 1:37Tom Segura?

  Dude, I started in LA, which is like the advice everyone would be like, "Don't do that."

• 1:44Speaker 02

  You moved there to be a stand-up?

• 1:45Tom Segura?

  No. I moved there because I wanted to do movies. I wanted to do comedy movies. And I thought, like, in my research, I was like, "Oh, you know the trajectory that makes sense?" I saw that people would go to the Groundlings, go to the school they have, make it into the Sunday company that performs.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:07Tom Segura?

  And then I was like, "Oh," and then SNL just... Pulls people from that. And then those people end up there and then they end up in movies. I was like, I'll just do that. That makes sense. So I moved there. I started the groundlings. I started going through the levels of the school. And I met some of the guys in like the class just were like, you know, you would like stand up. And I was like, I've never thought of doing stand up. And so they took me around, like showed me how they did spots. And I was like, yeah, what do you like? How do you do this? And then because of that, they introduced me one day in like one of these small rooms. They're like, oh, he's a comic. And I was like, yeah. And then they're like, do you want to do a show next Thursday? I was like, sure.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:47Tom Segura?

  And then I just threw myself in.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  What year was this?

• 2:49Tom Segura?

  Two thousand two.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. Yeah, that was, yeah, I was kind of already out there a little bit.

• 2:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's when I, that's when I started. And then, and then I just kind of, as I start, oh, I fell in love with it. And then I started to like, pull back from the other stuff, like going to these, you know, improv school and all that, and just focusing on stand up. And then it just, you know, took off, like just kept going.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Huh.

• 3:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Interesting. Everybody got a different story.

• 3:16Tom Segura?

  You started in Cincy?

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Uh, I started in San Diego.

• 3:19Tom Segura?

  Oh, in San Diego.

• 3:19Speaker 02

  I was in the Navy. So I thought, I thought you had to start in LA. I didn't think you could start in whatever city you was at. So I, I thought you gotta get to LA. I also thought the whole state of California was LA.

• 3:32Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  So I'm thinking David Lee Roth, California goes, I didn't know there was a Eureka in Fresno.

• 3:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's a big ass state.

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. So I remember my first day I got stationed in San Diego. So I joined the Navy because I was in a trailer park in Hamilton, Ohio. And then I was like, how do you, how do you get out of here?

• 3:53Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  The military was the one place like, oh, they're gonna fly me. They're gonna actually get me out of this place. Cause I didn't know where I want to go. I didn't want to be. So I was like, all right. I said, if I just get to California, I can start stand up. I just gotta get there. So first two years I'm in DC, we're in the honor guard. And then they gave me a shot to get stationed in San Diego. I go, yes.

• 4:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  My first day in San Diego, the plan is all in my brain, like this is it. So I call this place, I'm in the phone book, mid nineties. I call this place called, called the Comic Castle. And I said, hey, you guys got open mic? And he said, hold on, let me check. I go, huh?

• 4:30Tom Segura?

  Let me check.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. He comes back.

• 4:32Tom Segura?

  I don't know what we do here.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  It was a comic book store. He was looking for a superhero named Open Mic, I guess.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  So he calls back, he goes, can't find him.

• 4:42Tom Segura?

  Can't find him.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  What? I go, what? He goes, and I'm kind of dumbfounded on the phone. He goes, man, what are you looking for? I go, no, I'm a comedian, man. I came out, never been on stage, but I'm saying I'm a comedian.

• 4:51Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  He was like, I'm a comedian. He goes, oh, it's a comic book store. Nah, you gotta, you gotta call the comic store in La Jolla. And he gives me the guy's number. And then that's where there was open mic on Sundays.

• 5:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  It's the only day you can get up. So I called, I went up, didn't go well. And Bobby Lee was on that show, though.

• 5:10Tom Segura?

  He was on the show.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  Bobby Lee was open miking back then. We, we started open miking together, really. He was probably your in before I started.

• 5:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  And then it took me about another, God, probably seven months, eight months to get the nerve to go back up after that first night.

• 5:23Tom Segura?

  After the first night?

• 5:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, cause I, I was, I thought that was it. Well, there's more to it. I got kicked out, I got banned.

• 5:30Tom Segura?

  From that one night?

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:32Tom Segura?

  What'd you do?

• 5:33Speaker 02

  I was 20 and there was like 10 people in the audience, but like 20 comics in the back. And they weren't heckling, but they were doing what comics do. They were giving me the loud, ah, before the punchline. And you know, I got this five minutes I've been working on my whole life. I got, I can't turn right or left, so I'm getting flustered. So I just went, I had a beer in my hand. I go, hey, all you comics in the back, go ahead and keep heckling. And I go, I'm 20 years old, I've been drinking in this club all night. Why don't I call the cops and shut this motherfucker down? So they, when I saw the mic went off.

• 6:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  The lights went off, two of the bouncers just grabbed me by the back of the shirt. And they threw me out the front door and I did like a front roll. And then I dusted myself off and there was a guy named Fred who won America's Funniest Home Videos. He had the, the crutches, something was wrong with them. I just remember he came out with his crutches and he stood over me, he goes, never come back, you're banned. So I was like, well, that sucked, that didn't go like I thought.

• 6:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  And then, um, so it took me like a few more months to figure out, oh, there's other places I can go up in San Diego.

• 6:42Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  So then that, that's when I really got started after that. And I had to go back and apologize eventually.

• 6:47Tom Segura?

  And when, how, how long was it before you went back to La Jolla's club?

• 6:50Speaker 02

  It was probably. Not a year, but close to a year.

• 6:54Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  Cause I was starting to do, you know, it took me a couple of months like, fuck, and you remember David Arnold? Passed away last year.

• 7:02Tom Segura?

  The name is familiar.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  He was just, it sucks. He was just starting to bubble up.

• 7:06Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Got a Netflix special. He wrote on a lot of stuff.

• 7:11Tom Segura?

  Oh, man.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  So, yeah, he passed away, September, yeah, dang, three years, three years ago already.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  I had ACL reconstructive surgery and his first wife was my, uh, the girl doing my paperwork on my knee and I went to her cubicle. And she had all these articles of David about a comedian in San Diego. I go, who's that? And she goes, oh, that's my husband. I go, I'm a comedian. And it came out, I'm in the Navy. I've been up that one time.

• 7:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  And she goes, oh, I gotta get you in touch with my husband. So I called him and he said, all right, man, this is what you gotta do. You gotta get a headshot. You gotta get a resume. You gotta get a bio and you gotta get some time on a VHS tape. You gotta send out to the clubs. And I go, so I get a headshot. I get a bio. I got a fake, everything's fake.

• 7:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:58Speaker 02

  And I'm still in the Navy and I'm sending it out to all these clubs all across the country with no VHS tape, hoping they'd call back. And, uh, so I kept calling him every week and he wouldn't return my calls. I'm like, man. So then I started going up a lot in San Diego and then I started to build like, you got your little, you know, the, the open mic is its own community.

• 8:21Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  So I started to get in with everybody and then they was like, you know, Gary's pretty funny. He's doing his thing. And so finally David answered like six, seven months later and he goes, hey, man, I purposely was avoiding your calls. He goes, cause you were just gonna spin your wheels. And he goes, I answered all your questions. So he goes, but now I see you're doing it. So then we start talking, then we start hanging out a little bit. That's really where it all got started. And then I had to apologize at a Comedy Store, cause all my buddies was over there.

• 8:50Tom Segura?

  How long did you stay in San Diego before you went to LA?

• 8:55Tom Segura?

  Or is that where you went? You went to LA?

• 8:57Speaker 02

  I was going to LA probably three, four days a week. Once I start open miking, you make that drive.

• 9:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's a serious commitment.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  And most of the times I wasn't going up, but I just wanted to be around it.

• 9:08Tom Segura?

  Be around it, yeah.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  So I'd sit in the back of the Comedy Store. I'd just pay, sit in the back of the original room, just watch. And then, uh, and then I started to go up a little bit, get some spots. You know, it was kind of shitty rooms and all that. And then it just kind of, I won the Funniest Black Comedian in St. Agar contest.

• 9:27Tom Segura?

  This is insane. So wait a minute, hold on. Cause like, everybody knows in standup that you have a huge black following.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:34Tom Segura?

  And that like, that's, you know, it's a remarkable thing. Cause here's the thing, when you, when you start doing standup, there's this thing about doing rooms that are outside of like who you are. In other words, there's gay rooms, right? There's black rooms, there's Latin rooms, like. So it's always a thing to be like, hey, are you gonna do this, this outside room? Right? And there, and there's always more pressure on it because you're not one of the, whatever group. So you always have like a little more anxiety, little more like focus, right? You're a little like, hey, I mean, fucking, I hope this goes well. And people would always do this thing, like, are you gonna do the, like, the black rooms especially,

• 10:17Tom Segura?

  felt like they were always the highest stakes. Because you know, you already knew instinctively that there's a standard that they're gonna let you know if you suck.

• 10:28Speaker 02

  Immediately.

• 10:28Tom Segura?

  And it's gonna feel different than like a white club. It's gonna, it's gonna feel different. And then if it goes well, it's gonna be euphoria. It's gonna be a whole other level. And it's like, I did, you know, I just, in LA, you know, I did the Comedy Union, which is on Pico.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, Enz, that was his name. And, you know, all black rooms. And then I would open sometimes in the club system for like, black comics who had all black followings, basically. You know, like everything, like, uh, Witherspoon.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:59Tom Segura?

  Uh, Tommy Davidson. I went out with Charlie Murphy a couple of times. So you were always like, alright, like, fucking dial in for this. But you, from the, was it from the jump? Like, you were just like, I'm in these rooms? I'm just doing this?

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Well, when I got kicked out of the Comedy Store, that, that first time I ever went up.

• 11:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  I was telling like some, some black guys I was in the Navy with how it went. I go, man, that did not go like I thought. I thought I was about to get discovered that night.

• 11:27Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Right?

• 11:27Tom Segura?

  And you were funny amongst your Navy friends.

• 11:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody knew, like, I never had nobody like, you're crazy. There was all, I could see it. You're funny, Owen. And I could always make the black guys laugh too, which was key, especially on the ships. Because when you're in the middle of the water, everybody, everybody sits in groups. Like the Filipino guys are here, Mexican guys are here, the black guys are here, white guys. I always sat with the black guys because I like football and basketball.

• 11:50Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  I want to talk. I didn't want to talk race cars or how I hate it. You know, I hate it, my wife shit type shit.

• 11:57Tom Segura?

  White guy shit.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  The white guys were really bad at that. I got a fucking wife, man.

• 12:01Tom Segura?

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• 12:46Tom Segura?

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• 13:38Speaker 00

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• 14:08Speaker 02

  I was like, I don't want no part of this. So I'd always hang out with the brothers. We could talk shit about basketball. And if you're the one white guy, obviously I would always dig on them. You know, Larry Bird or Joe Montana type shit. You know? So they're the ones that told me about the Black Knights in San Diego. They go, dude, you can go here, you can go here. So with the mainstream rooms, which is the Comedy Store, and I didn't know anybody else over there. I didn't know where to go, but the black guys told me where to go. So I was like, oh, I can get up three, four times a week? I go, I just want to go up. And I was so naive, I don't even realize I'm in a bad neighborhood. I'm just driving in, what's the address? Going in.

• 14:48Tom Segura?

  So put all these window bars.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know just nothing, you know? There's a lot of liquor stores out here.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  So then that's what really got me into quote unquote, the black world. And then at the same time, when I started going to LA, I did the whole wait in line for three hours to open Mike at the Comedy Store. And though, when I finally got selected to showcase for Mitzi Shore, the time I went up, I'll never forget, it was four girls and me. We were the five and I was the fifth at all of them. When I went up to do my five minutes, I looked in the back of the original room and Mitzi's like talking to the other four girls and paying no attention.

• 15:31Tom Segura?

  That's how mine went, by the way.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  And I know it sounds conceited, but I clearly had the best set that night, right? So I was like, I should be good. Then when they called me a couple of days, yeah, Missy doesn't think you're ready. I went, what? And then like, I don't know what happened to the girls, but I was just like, I told myself, I'm never going up there. And I never have.

• 15:52Tom Segura?

  Never?

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Just the Black Nights, I would do the Comedy Store, I would do, um, the main room on Fat Tuesdays.

• 15:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  But Guy Torrey was running Fat Tuesdays at the time. So he'd always give me a spot like once a month, once every six weeks. So I'd drive up and then I'd go do it and then finally end up moving to there. But that's really how I started doing all the black rooms. And then San Diego had, we're looking for the funniest black comedian in San Diego contest and I won it. But it was a, it was a, it was a fiasco. It wasn't like the top of the top. It was really bad. Yeah. And everybody was doing jokes I'd heard. I was like, I've heard that.

• 16:29Tom Segura?

  A lot of towels.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  A lot of music cues.

• 16:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  So I was like, oh, this is kind of, it was a landslide. It was, it was bad. And then, uh, there was a guy named DeMilitant, um, Daryl Littleton, who was a producer of Comic View. And he also went up. So he's the one that got me the audition for Comic View. I got on and all this is like within the first two years of me doing stand up. This is like 96 to 98. And then, um, I got on Comic View and I ended up winning the whole thing. So that got me to host the Comic View.

• 17:01Tom Segura?

  It's insane.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  And that's when I started going out to nightclubs and headlining. So I was still in the Navy when all this was happening.

• 17:09Tom Segura?

  Still in the Navy?

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Cause I was, I was driving up to LA.

• 17:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  I wasn't doing any road gigs. And I remember my, the only time I ever featured for somebody's name was Chaz Elsner at the El Paso Comic Strip. And they said, we're going to pay you $500 Wednesday through Sunday. You gotta get here and we got a Comic condo.

• 17:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  You know, the three of us, me, Chaz, and whoever the host was, we had this Comic condo. And I thought, how are they gonna make money? That has so much money. I really thought that, like $500? How you guys gonna make money? I drove, I took a couple of days leave. I got off, I drove Wednesday morning, drove straight to El Paso. Got there like a couple hours for the show and I just remember to make it that week, Arby's had um $2 beef and cheddars, you get two of them.

• 17:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  That was lunch.

• 17:57Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  I bought a box of Cocoa Puffs and a gallon of milk. That was breakfast and then I ate at the club. I was going back to the room. I was like, I came back like 400 hours to the good.

• 18:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  I was like, oh, this is the life.

• 18:08Tom Segura?

  I'm living good, man.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  I was dri- that whole drive felt like five minutes.

• 18:13Tom Segura?

  That's incredible.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Cause you just wanna go up in a new city.

• 18:16Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  But that was uh, that was the only time I featured for somebody and then Comic View called. And that was the only time I really left town for a week while I was in the Navy. So then they called and said, we wanna make you the host. And I was like, oh shit, I still got like a couple months left in the Navy here. How's this gonna work? But they weren't filming for another three months. So I just, my base and my command got creative. And I, so I was literally hosting Comic View and active duty military at the same time, but my base was real cool.

• 18:45Tom Segura?

  They were?

• 18:46Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna throw them under the bus, but they worked a way for me to, to go record.

• 18:51Tom Segura?

  They were on your side?

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  Come back down for a couple of days.

• 18:54Tom Segura?

  You could have had some.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  And I'm on the gate, I'm waving cards on the, I'm, I'm a cop. So I'm waving cards on the base and I'm on TV at the same time.

• 19:00Tom Segura?

  That's insane. That's crazy. And your CO was just like a cool.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  The CO didn't know.

• 19:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, he didn't know?

• 19:06Speaker 02

  The chief knew.

• 19:07Tom Segura?

  Okay, okay.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  The chief was, was looking out.

• 19:09Tom Segura?

  That's cool.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  He basically, I can tell now, he put me on a part of the base that nobody was really paying attention to.

• 19:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  And it was like, people were like training to do something and I was supposed to be grading papers.

• 19:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  So I was supposed to be in this office all day, on this building that nobody's paying attention to on the base, grading papers. I wasn't doing that.

• 19:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  But that's what they thought I was doing.

• 19:32Tom Segura?

  I wonder, as somebody who has like conquered this in, in doing these rooms and stand up, what would your advice be to like a, a white comic who's in it for a few years? Like he has his act together, has his time, whatever, 10 minutes, whatever it is. And he's like, I'm going to do a black room tonight. Like, do you give him any advice in any direction?

• 19:55Speaker 02

  No, I say be you.

• 19:56Tom Segura?

  Just do yourself.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  I saw. When I first started coming up and doing fat tuning, didn't see a lot of white guys going up. I was like the only one. I saw Sebastian go up and destroy.

• 20:06Tom Segura?

  Being himself.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  But he did, he did the Jamie Foxx thing from Ray. He turned the spotlight on him. Like all the lights was up. He goes, no, when I go up, all the lights go out and you hit me with that spotlight in the, in the main room. And, and I was like, and this, I think this was before Ray came out.

• 20:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  So when I saw the movie Ray, I go, wait a minute, that's a shit that did do, that guy did at the Comedy Store. I didn't really know who Sebastian was.

• 20:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  This is probably 2000, I'm, I'm guessing.

• 20:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  I saw him just destroy. And I was like, I think with, with black audiences, and the biggest difference between white audiences, black guys have no skeletons in their closet.

• 20:44Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  If you're, if your cousin's special needs, talk about it.

• 20:48Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  If your cousin's gay, talk about it.

• 20:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  But don't, don't try to snowball us.

• 20:53Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? And I did cheat. I had a cheat code in the beginning because I would dance.

• 20:57Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  So I'd come out and put on some, I don't know, Destiny's Child or hip hop, hit him with a couple of dances and they're like, oh shit. And then I kinda got him.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  It was a little bit of a cheat code.

• 21:09Tom Segura?

  Bro, I had some dance moves too.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  But then when you hit like 35, you're like, I should probably stop dancing. I remember thinking, when does this end? When does the dance moves end to get him?

• 21:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Cause you know, could you come out and they're like, oh, it's a white dude. Then you hit him with a couple of dance moves, hip hop dancers like, alright.

• 21:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 21:29Tom Segura?

  I think I heard a funny, uh, dude, I swear this is, uh, I heard this from Louis, I think once where he was at, I think at the improv, the Melrose improv, and it was like whatever, you know, whatever night, the

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Monday night.

• 21:46Tom Segura?

  Monday night show.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Monday night was, that was the ghettoest of all of them.

• 21:50Tom Segura?

  Well, he's on this show and they go, they intro, they're like the writer director of Pootie Tang. So the whole audience is like, oh, like they, they don't know who that is. They're like, yeah, we know Pootie Tang. And then he walks up and they were like, huh? And then he did like, you know, like a Louis, I forget what the joke was, but his, he said that, you know, he did like some throwaway kind of line and that people were like, nah, hell no.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  Go.

• 22:20Tom Segura?

  Well, what?

• 22:21Speaker 02

  I will say.

• 22:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  To go there, like, you know, someone like Ralphie May or like Louis, you know, some guys are like, I don't know, like, they kind of go there with the race stuff a little bit.

• 22:35Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Uh, you do have to build some kind of rapport.

• 22:39Tom Segura?

  You have to build something.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  Before you go in, like, I could get away with a lot more than a lot of people.

• 22:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they know you.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:44Tom Segura?

  They trust you.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 22:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  I think sometimes, because I, there was always a story about Ralphie May on this thing called the Tom Joyner, um, Tom Joyner Morning Show had this big cruise every year.

• 22:55Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  It was just all black people on the cruise.

• 22:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  And, uh, I did it five or six times. It always went great. One year they brought Ralphie and it didn't go well at all. And it's one thing to get booed, but to get booed on a ship.

• 23:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you're not leaving, bro.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  You got nowhere to go.

• 23:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  And it was.

• 23:12Tom Segura?

  You're not parked in the back.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't know what joke he said, but it was something the extent of, I don't want to misquote him because he's not here no more, but.

• 23:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  It was, it was along the lines of,

• 23:26Speaker 02

  I'm shocked to see this many black people on a ship after all you've been through, along those lines, right?

• 23:34Speaker 02

  It was, and they were like this.

• 23:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  What? And keep in mind, the Tom Joyner Cruise is nothing but college educated.

• 23:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Black people, they're, they're, they're not a part of that, we don't have W two crowd.

• 23:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? They're like, what?

• 23:48Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  They said it got, they say phones don't work on ships.

• 23:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Bullshit, because my phone was ringing.

• 23:56Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 23:57Speaker 02

  Like, why'd they bring him? Where are you at? Like, why am I the only white guy that can do that?

• 24:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  They said, but I had to come back the next year. And that's the first thing I said, I said, I already heard what happened last year.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Y'all know me here.

• 24:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I heard it didn't go well. But that was like one of the things if, if Raff would have had enough rapport.

• 24:17Tom Segura?

  It would have been fine.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Could have got away with something. But when you go up as they don't, they didn't know who you were.

• 24:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  They said it was bad.

• 24:23Tom Segura?

  Well, especially if you like, that, that's a funny joke. It's a funny observation. If, if you're unknown to them, like if you don't have the rapport and like you open with that, that can set you aside. Cause it's different to drop that like 40 minutes in.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:37Tom Segura?

  You know, like if you have something going and then you make that joke, everyone's like, oh, it's funny. But if you like out of the gate, like, nice to meet you. Funny that you're here.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  I mean, that was, what I heard, that was it.

• 24:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  It was like, and they, they said, oh, and then they said, cause on this Tom Joyner cruise, you don't go up once. You go up like three, four times over the week. They said he came back the next night to apologize. My bad about last night. Didn't mean nothing by, and then he did another like boom. And they was like, ew. And it was something about.

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• 25:36Speaker 04

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• 26:06Speaker 02

  I don't want to repeat it. It was something about what a, what a black woman's vagina looks like.

• 26:09Tom Segura?

  Nice.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  That was the gist of it, right?

• 26:11Tom Segura?

  My apologies.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  And the only reason I know that is because some black girl came up to me the next week, next year and said, yeah, that dude last year. I don't know what he was talking about. He was talking about what a black woman's pussy. What the hell? He know what a black, I know you know, Gary. I know you know.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  You could have said that because we know you know.

• 26:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  He ain't ever seen no black pussy.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  I was like, they said the apology went bad. They said the crowd went, ah, what?

• 26:41Tom Segura?

  What dude? Fuck.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:45Tom Segura?

  Well, rest in peace, Ralphie. You were.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  I thought, yeah. You know, for me, I love, I like dark humor, like most comedians, but I can see where I went left, but I was like, that was kinda, that was kinda ballsy. I kinda gave him respect.

• 26:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  To go there?

• 26:59Tom Segura?

  To go there.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  To go for it?

• 27:00Tom Segura?

  I was like. To go there out of the gate is different too. I mean, I think we've all had it where you're like, I'mma open with this.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  I mean, that's literally, that's a boxer.

• 27:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  It's like Peter McNeely in that Mike Tyson fight. He just said, I'm gonna go out swinging.

• 27:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  I'm coming in just throwing haymakers from jump, so.

• 27:17Tom Segura?

  He also said he was gonna wrap him in a cocoon of fear.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:20Tom Segura?

  Right before he went in, he's like, I will wrap him in a cocoon of fear. And you're like, what?

• 27:27Speaker 02

  That's what, I think that was the best pre-fight interview was Peter McNeely in the locker right before.

• 27:33Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  From my family.

• 27:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  From Medford.

• 27:35Tom Segura?

  He was about to cry, like he was.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  He saw his dad go, Pete, not me.

• 27:40Tom Segura?

  No.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  This ain't gonna happen.

• 27:43Tom Segura?

  Have you ever seen how this show normally opens, by the way?

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Uh-uh.

• 27:47Tom Segura?

  This part, okay. So we usually play an opening clip.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  Oh, I just started, I just started hot, didn't I?

• 27:52Tom Segura?

  No, no, no, it's perfect.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:53Tom Segura?

  But I'm just gonna play you like what normally happens here, just that we find a clip and we play it as the opening of the show.

• 27:59Speaker 05

  I'm Ryan and I wanna be farted on by a Brazilian cutie with a big booty. I mean, there's something magical about being a big guy that way.

• 28:11Tom Segura?

  And then this is the, how the show officially opens.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 28:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  I think we did right.

• 28:18Tom Segura?

  I think it was great. So Ryan wants farts, Brazilian farts.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  I think Ryan should be happy anybody farts on his face.

• 28:25Tom Segura?

  He, um.

• 28:28Tom Segura?

  We've played clips of him.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Is he a stand up?

• 28:32Tom Segura?

  No.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Okay, good.

• 28:33Tom Segura?

  I think he works in safety.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Okay, good. I didn't want to see him on the road, but hey bitch.

• 28:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think he has like orange, you know, like, like an orange vest on and putting cones down, that kind of thing.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Is he, oh, is he the guy you play, you play him a lot?

• 28:48Tom Segura?

  I mean, we found a few videos of his where he just keeps talking about how he wants a big ass in his face, which is cool. It's fine.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:56Tom Segura?

  Um, I don't know if it works, but we try to help him by promoting his message. Now he's saying he wants to get farted on, which is different.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  You know, you can get that done.

• 29:08Tom Segura?

  Definitely.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  I mean, for the right price, people do a lot.

• 29:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, I've seen videos where people are like, yeah, this guy pays me 200 bucks to shit on him.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  I mean, have you seen the, the rumors, there's always these, um, OnlyFans and Instagram models that go to like the Middle East. And it's supposed to be just wild shit going on. They're getting flown private, coming back with like 300,000 in their bank account. Someone get pissed and shit on.

• 29:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  I go, I'm just gonna try to be funny.

• 29:35Tom Segura?

  Just.

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Also. Try to tell jokes.

• 29:39Tom Segura?

  The mindset of like being some Middle Eastern, you know, multimillion billionaire. And you're like, yeah, I've done all the stuff that you guys, turns you on, it's boring to me. I, can I shit on a model? Like a beautiful, can I get a beaut, like a 10 over here and I'll shit on her face?

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:01Tom Segura?

  And maybe I'll come once.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  Like, like, yeah, like, Jesus Christ. Broken spine and limbs. Oh, you guys went dark.

• 30:10Tom Segura?

  Holy shit. She's 20. She's gorgeous. This is a gorgeous Ukrainian girl.

• 30:17Speaker 02

  10 days.

• 30:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Some guy like, you come here, we give you 100,000.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Dumped on the side of the road in Dubai.

• 30:24Tom Segura?

  Holy fuck. She went on, including a broken spine.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  That's a lot.

• 30:30Tom Segura?

  She was taken to the hospital, she underwent several surgeries.

• 30:35Tom Segura?

  The officials have explained, they said the model entered a restriction, a restricted construction site alone and fell from a height. Okay. That's, that's what beautiful 20 year olds are usually like, are they making a building here? I'd love to see what type of concrete's being used.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  She's gonna be all right. I read that last one, get a medical treatment, everything will be all right.

• 30:55Tom Segura?

  Shit, everything will be all right. And she's going back. She's going back.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  With a big bank account.

• 31:03Tom Segura?

  Come on, she looks like AI, bro.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:06Tom Segura?

  That's insane. Some guy just fucking was like, I wonder how hard I can hit someone.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Back in the, she had, probably had to sign the airtight NDA.

• 31:17Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  She declared it and read it. Cause it probably said, if your spine breaks, you still can't say nothing.

• 31:23Tom Segura?

  You were visiting a site.

• 31:26Tom Segura?

  Fucking crazy. I like how the family's saying they believe that she did not fall at a construction site. Like, yeah, I know. That is the least believable lie.

• 31:38Tom Segura?

  That, that girl was like, what are they making here? This is cool. Is this a condo? Can I get a tour?

• 31:46Tom Segura?

  So insane.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  It's like the, the Eddie Murphy girl died, remember that?

• 31:54Speaker 02

  The girl that went after Eddie Murphy, like in 97. The, on Santa Monica.

• 32:00Tom Segura?

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  And then it was a trans, transvestite. And then he or she, I don't know which one it was, uh, fell off the roof of the apartment building.

• 32:10Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 32:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:11Tom Segura?

  I don't remember that.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  And it was like, the, the, the paper said she locked herself out and she tried to swing in from her shawl from the roof into her window, but the window was closed and she, she fell to her death.

• 32:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's a normal.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, right there. Look, 1998.

• 32:29Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Uh, sex worker being, police getting emergency SUV, was unaware of the genre, was pulled over by police.

• 32:37Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Did it say how she died?

• 32:41Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  On April's, and they found her down the sidewalk, discovered her wearing only her bra, pants and a towel. She was locked out of her apartment and tried to use a towel as a rope to slide down her swing from the roof to an open window. Instead, she fell five floors and suffered head trauma. Yeah, that happened.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  Nothing shady there. When I read that, that was when you used to get newspapers, right? I'm literally in LA at the time and looking at the LA Times. It's like on the fifth page and I go, what? And even, I'm like, what? How is this the fifth page? And you never heard nothing about it?

• 33:15Tom Segura?

  Ever, no.

• 33:17Speaker 02

  Till right here.

• 33:17Tom Segura?

  That's really crazy. Have you ever met Eddie?

• 33:20Speaker 02

  I did, uh, Daddy Daycare with him.

• 33:21Tom Segura?

  How was it?

• 33:22Speaker 02

  It was cool.

• 33:23Tom Segura?

  He's just like, I was just, first of all, he really does seem ageless. You know, like, you're like, this, I mean, he basically looks like kinda the same as when you.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Nah, Eddie was the, he was the coolest. And granted, this was 20 years ago, we did Daddy Daycare, but we did, uh, did the audition, got it. Did, um, did the table where he wasn't there for that. We blocked the scene that morning, he wasn't there for that. And then when it was time to shoot, he showed up.

• 33:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:52Speaker 02

  And I remember my first interaction is I come around the door and I'm in this big carrot outfit. And Eddie's standing there. And for literally 30 seconds, I was, I was listening to him talk, but I wasn't registering what he was saying.

• 34:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  Cause I'm dissecting everything, it's his nose.

• 34:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  That's Eddie's ears, his teeth.

• 34:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  I'm like, I'm, cause I'm this close. And then, uh, he, we did it and he goes, hey man, you're a funny dude. And he quoted one of my jokes, I go, shut up. You know one of my jokes? But he would always be in the back of the Comedy Store on Tuesdays a lot.

• 34:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  And so you'd always find out later, they go, Eddie was here tonight. And so then, um, the fact he knew one of my jokes, I was like, ah, kind of validated it.

• 34:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's so, I mean, that's the, has to be the best feeling. I mean, I, I, uh, I have a friend that knows him that said that even now he loves watching, he watches specials a lot. Like, he sits around and watches.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  He knows everybody.

• 34:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  Everything.

• 34:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  He's up to date with all that shit.

• 34:49Tom Segura?

  I just can't believe that, like, in stand-up, like in comedy especially, one of the things that the trade-offs is like, you can be cool, but you're not that cool, right? Like.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  Like Eddie Murphy cool?

• 35:02Tom Segura?

  But that's like Eddie is like the exception of like remarkably funny. And he has the coolness of like a, a leading man, action guy. You know what I mean? Like, most of the time, if you're a com, like, if you do stand-up, you're just, you're not that cool. You know, you, you trade off a little bit of coolness to be funny.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's my first time meeting.

• 35:25Tom Segura?

  That's you right there?

• 35:27Speaker 02

  That was right there. He comes around the corner. You know what I'm talking about nervous, holding that goddamn carrot?

• 35:31Tom Segura?

  Oh, my god.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Like, is Eddie Murphy about to walk around the corner? Is he about to walk around the corner?

• 35:36Tom Segura?

  That's wild. Oh, yeah.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  Steve Zahn, Jeff Garland.

• 35:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah. That's crazy, dude.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was awesome.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  I've been lucky in my career. I've worked with every A-list, black comedian. Like, I got Jamie Foxx, right off the bat, then held up with him. And then we did Rebound with Martin Lawrence and did Little Man with the Way-Ins. Obviously, I've done four, four or five movies with Kevin Hart. Like, it's been like, as far as like, black Hollywood, I was like, I got to work with all of them.

• 36:06Tom Segura?

  On the top tier, dude.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:08Tom Segura?

  I feel like Martin doesn't get celebrated as much as he should.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  All that Martin show.

• 36:12Tom Segura?

  Jesus.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  To this day.

• 36:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Now, I love how social media, the clips pop up now.

• 36:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  They still hold up.

• 36:17Tom Segura?

  They still hold up.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  Man.

• 36:19Tom Segura?

  Also, in, when Def Jam was like the hottest show.

• 36:25Tom Segura?

  It was crazy because you would you would see like really funny people, but I always had this thing where I was like, I couldn't wait for him to come back. Like, I was waiting for the host, even if he was gonna do something transitional, like, hey, give it up, he was because he was so charismatic and so funny that even 15 seconds of him, I was like, yeah, that was that was awesome. Like, I just.

• 36:46Speaker 02

  He was the original crowd work.

• 36:48Tom Segura?

  Dude.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  You never, I, I always said, like, the Def Jam that that struck me, like, oh, the media can portray somebody one way, they can be completely different. Remember Derek Coleman from Syracuse? And then in Detroit and all that? They always act like he was the biggest asshole. And like, he always has scowl on his face. And then he was in the audience at Def Jam and Martin went off on him, like talking about he fucked his girlfriend or something like that, kidding. And this guy's hitting the guy next to him and dying. I go, wait a minute.

• 37:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  I thought, I thought, I thought he was about to get out of the seat and beat Martin's ass. And I was like, he's laughing at that? Oh, I can't believe everything I see on TV and how they.

• 37:29Tom Segura?

  You can't.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  How they show people.

• 37:31Tom Segura?

  Remember, you watched the one where he lit up Anthony Mason?

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, him and John Starks was in the audience? Oh, fuck.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  There were so many good ones.

• 37:40Tom Segura?

  So many good ones. But he was like, dude.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  It wasn't the same after you left. And this is no disrespect to Joe Torre, or then they brought it back years later with Mike Epps and DL. It was never like those first three years.

• 37:52Tom Segura?

  No, that was incredible, dude. That was the best run. Um, where'd you shoot? Because you have a new, you've done a bunch of specials, but the, the, sorry, the, what's it called?

• 38:00Speaker 02

  No S.

• 38:01Tom Segura?

  No S. Where'd you shoot it?

• 38:02Speaker 02

  Uh, San Jose at the Improv.

• 38:05Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's a beautiful room.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, this one came about, it's crazy how it came about because you know, Stan, as you, you, you work so hard for your hour.

• 38:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  When you, when you gonna get it. And I go, all right. So Friday, we shot this one called Broken Family that's on YouTube. And then Saturday morning, we did two episodes. I mean, we did two shows Friday. And then Saturday, I woke up, I was talking to my manager, we was at Coffee Shop, and I go, yo, did we get last night clean? And she goes, yeah. I go, I think I got another hour. I think we can do it.

• 38:34Tom Segura?

  What the fuck, man?

• 38:35Speaker 02

  So she was like, yeah, she goes, all right, let's write it down. So we're at the Coffee Shop, and I'm just writing bullet points down, right? I go, I got this, I got this, I got, I said, I think I got it. So she, we taped, I remember it was one through 12, we taped 12 words. So on the stage, case I got lost, because I was so focused on the other hour. I know it's new hour, but I knew I had like a, um. I don't hate to get through like 45 minutes, because I had this joke about undercover boss. That was like 15 minutes long and it's in this special. And I had shot it for my special like two, three years ago for Showtime. And Showtime said, you gotta take that joke out because their Showtime and undercover boss are both under like the CBS umbrella.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  And that was one of their most profitable shows. And they said, she got, I go, really? I said, I'm not even, I'm making fun of it, but I'm not putting it down.

• 39:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  I thought that was a little much.

• 39:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  So I told Lisa, that's what made me think of it when I woke up seven more. I said, yo, I still got the undercover boss bit. We never aired it.

• 39:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  I can do it. And then she was like, she's all right. So we just came up with the other 45 and honestly, it, it came out way better than what I thought. I thought, let's just wing it and if we don't use it, we don't use it. But it came out, I got done with the hour ago. That was, that felt good. Then we did it a second time, felt good. So I end up getting two specials for the price of one, basically.

• 39:55Tom Segura?

  That's insane. It's insane as a comedian that you were capable of doing that. That is, I mean, unbelievable, dude.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  But here's what's funny.

• 40:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  It's the same outfit. It's the same stage, because.

• 40:08Tom Segura?

  You wear the same shit on both?

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:09Tom Segura?

  That's funny.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  Because I've only brought.

• 40:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  I brought that shirt twice.

• 40:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  I brought two pair of jeans. Yeah. Cause you gotta switch, try to say, I was like, if you watch broken family and no S, it really could be a two hour special.

• 40:20Tom Segura?

  Sure, sure. But that's still, it's so impressive that you could do that. I mean, that's wild that you just had another hour sitting in your head like, yeah, I can do this other, tonight.

• 40:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:30Tom Segura?

  Crazy.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I, I mean, it came about because of undercover boss bit. I was like, that's what the catalyst was, I can do that tonight.

• 40:37Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah, the reality show, right? Like.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Where the boss goes in, they, they hide out.

• 40:41Tom Segura?

  Put him a wig and a fake nose.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  But that was the, the gist of the joke was like, the, going through COVID, you start watching a bunch of shows you wouldn't watch.

• 40:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  And I go, I, it ruined undercover boss. I used to like it, but it always ends the same.

• 40:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  It's the same. It's always a sob story. And then they're gonna overreact.

• 41:00Tom Segura?

  They're gonna give you. I know you work in the warehouse and you have three kids that are in college.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  We're gonna pay for them to go to college.

• 41:09Tom Segura?

  And then they have to do the thing to the guy that was kind of a dipshit.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:12Tom Segura?

  They have to be like, the way you talked about women's tits was really offensive to me.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Here at Hooters, we have a standard.

• 41:18Tom Segura?

  We have a standard.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  And you didn't meet that standard.

• 41:20Tom Segura?

  Don't disrespect them. So you can get fucked. And you're like, oh, wow. What a great guy.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, look at this fucking guy. Jesus.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  I don't think the show's on anymore.

• 41:32Tom Segura?

  Is it not? It had a good run.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:33Tom Segura?

  That's a real good run.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  I think we had a, um, you, we, we auditioned for a movie. I think you got the part. Cause I got called back like two, three times. You know how you, you go up for a movie and then you watch it and like, I think that's the part. Did you do a movie with Mark Wahlberg?

• 41:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Some family movie?

• 41:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:53Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, they kept calling me back. Then they go, and then Neo, you do an audition and then you're like, just put it to bed.

• 42:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  But then when they call you back, you're like, what?

• 42:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's, uh, yeah, yeah, that's us there. Yeah, that's on the set.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were the dad, right? Didn't you have ba- babies?

• 42:11Tom Segura?

  Uh, me and, um, Alan Rachel, the girl there, we were, we were a couple that was, um, I was, I was Mark's brother-in-law, like her, the girl and, and Rose.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Instant family. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:22Tom Segura?

  Family. Yeah, the, um.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  Well, that's your audition tape?

• 42:25Tom Segura?

  I have no fucking idea.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  Hysterical. I didn't mind in my basement. I was living in Cincinnati at the time.

• 42:31Tom Segura?

  I found out that they also almost cast, God, um, Paul Hauser for that role too.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  Oh, really? I can see that.

• 42:38Tom Segura?

  I was like, oh yeah, he's way better choice. Um.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  That was like David, you know, David Keckner?

• 42:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  So I did a movie with him and, uh, when I sat down with him, I go, dude, you know, you've like, killed my movie career. I go, why? I go, he's got like three parts, bro.

• 42:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Like iconic parts.

• 42:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  That I, that I went in for at the time, like, like Anchorman.

• 43:00Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 43:00Speaker 02

  Whammy. And then when you watch it, you're like, why didn't I think of that?

• 43:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's, he's great. He's great.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  No, he's really good.

• 43:06Tom Segura?

  Really good. Yeah. Super funny guy. But yeah, you've had a great run in movies too, man. Like it's awesome.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, it's funny when you talk about Think Like, like Think Like a Man was probably a big one, you know? But it was funny. Like I remember when I got the call for that. I didn't have to audition.

• 43:24Tom Segura?

  That's the best.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  You know what sucks is when you do do auditions, you're like, you know, you can just give me it. Cause I've gotten shit given to me before.

• 43:32Tom Segura?

  Straight to offer.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, Will Packer was a producer and I'll never forget. He called me. He goes, Hey Gary, I got this movie, man. Steve Harvey book. He goes, I need a white guy that can hang out with black guys, but not try to be black. He goes, but I need somebody that can kind of give it to him a little bit on the love. I was like, alright.

• 43:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  But I remember, and I could be wrong, but I remember we were talking about cancer. They said, there's two white guys. Chris Pratt was in the running for one, cause he wasn't who he is now.

• 44:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:01Speaker 02

  Cause I remember when his name came up, I went, who's that? And they were like, the guy is on like Modern Family or not Modern Family.

• 44:07Tom Segura?

  Parks and Rec.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Parks and Rec. Yeah. He's on Parks and Rec. I go, oh, and I looked at him. I go, oh yeah, that guy's funny. And then I went, he looks a lot like me though. And then they were like, um, yeah, we're, we're going back and forth with the studio. He goes, but Will was like, I'm going to bat for you. I said, alright. So I think Chris ended up alright.

• 44:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Things worked out. Yeah. He's good. He's, he's real good now.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:32Tom Segura?

  That's incredible, bro. Like you, oh, you want to play a game with me real quick?

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 44:36Tom Segura?

  Alright, throw your, throw your headphones on.

• 44:39Tom Segura?

  So this is, um, so many people have done this game. Okay. Uh, it's called Tom or Black. And it's a voice that you'll hear and you have to vote whether it's me or a black guy.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Okay. I should crush this.

• 44:57Tom Segura?

  I mean, there's a lot of pressure.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  I should.

• 44:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You should just. Okay. Here we go. Well, this is the intro to the game. Let's see.

• 45:07Speaker 06

  This episode. I'm the one that had the elephants roosting in trees.

• 45:11Tom Segura?

  Shit, man. That's Tom Segura. Okay. So here we go.

• 45:17Speaker 06

  I left a wallet there.

• 45:19Tom Segura?

  You can also ask for repeats of.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Did you speed that up?

• 45:22Tom Segura?

  No.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  Say it again?

• 45:24Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 45:25Speaker 06

  I left a wallet there.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  That's a black guy.

• 45:28Tom Segura?

  So you have, he'll keep score in there. Okay.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  Don't compliment that bitch. That's a black guy.

• 45:36Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  Fuck me in my ass, man. That's sounding like Dave Chappelle. I would say black guy. Fuck me in my ass, man. No, that's you. That's Tom.

• 45:49Tom Segura?

  Uh, here we go. God damn it.

• 45:53Speaker 02

  That's you.

• 45:56Speaker 06

  Cry, he can't do.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Black guy.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  Ay yi yi!

• 46:05Speaker 02

  That sounds like you, but I'm gonna go black guy. I think you're trying to trick me.

• 46:08Tom Segura?

  I mean, I'm always trying to trick you.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:10Tom Segura?

  And then...

• 46:15Tom Segura?

  Want to hear it again?

• 46:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  Again, I think you're trying to trick me. I'm gonna go black guy.

• 46:21Tom Segura?

  Okay. Um... Josh? How'd he do?

• 46:28Speaker 06

  Hold on, I gotta calculate the score. Or should we go through one by one?

• 46:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, let's go one by one. That's a good idea. Okay.

• 46:32Speaker 06

  Okay. So, you wanna, you wanna play the first one back?

• 46:35Tom Segura?

  Sure. He said?

• 46:38Speaker 06

  Black.

• 46:39Tom Segura?

  That's me.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  I've, uh... If I was gonna change one, it was that one.

• 46:42Tom Segura?

  Hmm. Okay, second one? Don't compliment that bitch. He said?

• 46:47Speaker 06

  Black.

• 46:47Tom Segura?

  That's a black guy.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Cool.

• 46:50Tom Segura?

  Good job, man.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Fuck me in my ass, man.

• 46:53Tom Segura?

  He said?

• 46:54Speaker 06

  Tom.

• 46:55Tom Segura?

  That's a black guy.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Was that Chappelle?

• 46:57Tom Segura?

  No, it's a homeless guy in the street.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 47:01Tom Segura?

  But a character he would've done.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 47:03Tom Segura?

  God damn it.

• 47:06Speaker 06

  Said Tom?

• 47:07Tom Segura?

  That's a black guy.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  I, I really fucked this game up.

• 47:10Tom Segura?

  It's okay.

• 47:12Speaker 06

  Cry, he can't do.

• 47:13Tom Segura?

  What'd he say?

• 47:14Speaker 06

  Black.

• 47:14Tom Segura?

  That's me.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 47:19Tom Segura?

  He said?

• 47:20Speaker 06

  Black.

• 47:20Tom Segura?

  That's a black guy.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  That's too frightening.

• 47:23Tom Segura?

  And then?

• 47:26Tom Segura?

  He said?

• 47:27Speaker 06

  Black.

• 47:28Tom Segura?

  Who was that? Is that me or the black guy?

• 47:32Speaker 02

  That's you, right?

• 47:33Tom Segura?

  It sounds like me. Yeah, that was me.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  What, you got two? Two. Out of what? Six?

• 47:39Tom Segura?

  Seven. Two of seven. I gotta tell you, it feels good.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Not playing the game no more.

• 47:45Tom Segura?

  I've had, I've also had black people go, we did, we've done 10 and they've gone oh for 10.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  I've been thinking like you're trying to fool me though, that's what I was like.

• 47:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, I mean, I'm definitely trying to.

• 47:55Speaker 02

  Those are, but those aren't sped up or nothing?

• 47:57Tom Segura?

  They're not sped up, they're not manipulated, no, yeah.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  Is this bits from your act?

• 48:02Tom Segura?

  So, I mean, sometimes we throw in bits, like clips from a bit and then sometimes it's just, you know, I don't know, like I went to the Florida State Bama game this weekend, so I heard a lot of stuff and I'll probably.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  How was that?

• 48:13Tom Segura?

  Fucking unbelievable. It was great because.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  And they won?

• 48:16Tom Segura?

  They won at home. They were playing, they were unranked playing eighth ranked Bama. It's Bama. Bama coming, and they went, FSU went two and 10 last year, so you're like, they're gonna get the absolute, like that's what everybody, but the place was energized. They have a renovated stadium, like it was just, there was energy, palpable energy at the game and in every room. People were just vibrating.

• 48:39Speaker 02

  Have you ever been to Colorado yet since Deion got there?

• 48:42Tom Segura?

  No. Have you?

• 48:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, I didn't go to a game. I went and did his talk show on Tubi. He's got a talk show.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  And then Deion's so cool. I mean, I've known Deion for 20 some years, but he, the next day I caught a late flight because I wanted to see the facilities. So we go down there and Deion comes out and just like, the classic Deion, just walks you around the entire place. You go up through his suite. It looks like exactly how you think of Deion's suite. Like there's, I think there was a throne.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Everything's in gold.

• 49:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:13Speaker 02

  And God. Just golden God everywhere.

• 49:16Tom Segura?

  Golden God, yeah.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  And Nike.

• 49:17Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  And then even his, even his dressing room was just like, all these Deion shoes lined up, looked like a, like a trophy case of shoes. And it's just, it's all prime. Everything's prime.

• 49:28Tom Segura?

  Prime, prime, prime.

• 49:29Speaker 02

  But he is, he is the best. He's the rea, he's a big reason why.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  We was talking about earlier, like you can't judge the Derek Coleman thing.

• 49:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Like, I'm not gonna throw him under the bus, but I'll tell you off air, but he came to one of my shows at Caroline's twenty some years ago, and he brought a white NFL guy. And everybody knows, and not that the white NFL guy was being a dick, but he clearly just wanted to get to his seat and not be bothered.

• 49:59Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 49:59Speaker 02

  Deion went to the kitchen, what's up, baby?

• 50:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  High fiving the cooks, the chefs, you know, all right, man, da, da, da. And then he sits down, I was like, just complete man of the people.

• 50:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? And then people on the white, I was just like, look, I'm just trying to sit down.

• 50:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? And there's nothing wrong with that either. I was like this, I go, but now I saw it, I go, the, the news would make you think Deion's a prima donna and a dick.

• 50:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  And it would have been the other way around.

• 50:24Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  I go, that's not what happened here.

• 50:26Tom Segura?

  He's so charismatic. I did, I've never met him, but he did a podcast with me via Zoom, like, a couple of years ago, and it was awesome. Like, cause I, I'm a big FSU fan, and the foundation of that is being a kid and watching Prime, for sure.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  You're, so you got, it's kinda sucked that you guys had Randy Moss.

• 50:43Tom Segura?

  Oh, dude.

• 50:44Speaker 02

  And, cause he's, did you watch?

• 50:46Tom Segura?

  Some people don't know that, the, the, the story, that Randy Moss first went to Notre Dame, got kicked out for, for a fight. For it was, that was the fight.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  And, and in West Virginia?

• 51:00Tom Segura?

  I know. Then he goes to, cause like, Bob Bowden was like, you can come down here.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:04Tom Segura?

  Take guys to fight.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Right.

• 51:05Tom Segura?

  And then he's on the team that would have been, I guess it was ninety seven or ninety eight.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  Ninety seven.

• 51:13Tom Segura?

  And that fucking team was already goddamn loaded.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  And they said he was torching your DBs.

• 51:19Tom Segura?

  Oh, dude.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  They was like, who is this dude?

• 51:21Tom Segura?

  This dude's crazy. And then he gets booted from there for weed.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Smoking a joint.

• 51:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  He, when, I've, I've gotten really close to Randy over the years. I did his, um, when he got into the Hall of Fame, he brought me to Minnesota to roast him. It was a real private event, but Randy's the best, right? So he, that Ran University on ESPN, when he said he went into Bob Bowden's office, and Bob Bowden's like, yeah, they're gonna. You violate your probation and they're gonna kick you off the team and yeah, you might go to jail for a little bit. And Randy goes, for smoking a joint?

• 51:55Speaker 02

  You would have thought he completely like robbed the bank and violated parole like that. He goes, I just literally went home. My boys was sitting on the corner at this gas station and I took a hit of a joint and then it's,

• 52:09Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 52:09Speaker 02

  It was so ridiculous the way they treated him.

• 52:12Tom Segura?

  For people that watched games in that era, that means it would have been Peter Warwick and Randy Moss running routes. I mean, they were already dropping fucking crazy points on people. They were so dominant in that.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Who was, you had the old quarterback back then, right?

• 52:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. Um, shit, that was.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Was it Winky, was it?

• 52:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Chris Winky?

• 52:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Is that his name? He's like 30.

• 52:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah. They're like, yeah, he's got three kids. He's got a mortgage.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, Randy's the best, boy.

• 52:43Tom Segura?

  I met him at the, um, Brady roast. He was fucking, yeah, he was awesome.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  No, and I, I told a buddy of mine one time, when I go to Charlotte, oh, he'll come scoop me. We'll go get something to eat, right? I didn't, my, cause my buddy's a, my opener's a football fanatic.

• 52:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  And I said, I didn't tell him who it was, cause I knew he might freak out a little bit. So I was like, hey, my buddy's gonna pick us up for lunch today. I goes, meet me in the lobby at like one o'clock. All right. So we're out in front of the Marriott there in Charlotte and he goes, uh, I said, hey, uh, he's gonna be in a big pickup. I said, I'm gonna tell you who it is now, so don't freak out when you get in a car. I go, it's Randy Moss. He goes, what? I go, that's why I didn't tell you before. And then he goes, he goes, dude, he started moving.

• 53:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  He goes.

• 53:22Tom Segura?

  I'm gonna go change my shirt, man.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  What, um, what's it gonna be driving? I go, I guarantee you he'll be in a pickup. I go, there'll be fishing rods in the back. There'll be dirty gym clothes in the bed of the truck. I go, it ain't gonna be like Hall of Fame Randy. This dude is country.

• 53:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:40Speaker 02

  So we get in the truck. It was like Randy heard me talking. There was shoes and gym clothes that were dirty. There's lures and, and earthworms in the back of the truck. And then he started, they started talking fishing. I wanna stab myself.

• 53:54Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  I go, can we talk football?

• 53:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  I'm bored. What kind of lures you like? You know, you like deep sea, Randy, Randy's like, I hate deep sea fishing, man. Nah, you know, I'm from West Virginia and I moved to Charlotte cause they got a lot of bodies of water. He goes, I like to put my pole in the ground like that barber going under.

• 54:11Tom Segura?

  He's really country.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  Yo, they talked fishing. I go, yo. And Randy goes, and they're like, I never get to go fishing. I go, I'm gonna catch one fish. I'm not taking off the line.

• 54:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  It's one fish. I'm gonna hold it up and then I'm done. I'm not touching it. I don't want to do any of that.

• 54:25Tom Segura?

  I'm all good too, dude.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's him and Randy talking fishing. I was like this. Randy didn't talk football at all.

• 54:31Tom Segura?

  You ever see those clips of him playing basketball with J. Will?

• 54:34Speaker 02

  Oh, ridiculous.

• 54:36Tom Segura?

  And then Jason's like, yo, he was unbelievable.

• 54:39Speaker 02

  That was his quarterback.

• 54:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Who he also was like, wasn't he player of the year one year too? I think Jason was.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  Well, I wonder why. Look who you're throwing to.

• 54:48Tom Segura?

  Just fucking, hey, I'll heave it up 12 feet in the air.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  That's just wild to me. Like Randy Moss is the most country redneck black guy you ever meet.

• 54:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Jason Williams is the most flavorful.

• 55:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  White guy you ever meet. But if you, if you get them together, the same person.

• 55:05Tom Segura?

  The same guy. Yeah.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  That's what's wild.

• 55:07Tom Segura?

  Some West Virginia shit right there.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  That is.

• 55:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's, I just, I don't know. You see like Randy's one of those guys where you go like, oh, there really are like aliens amongst us.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Stray.

• 55:18Tom Segura?

  You know what I mean? Like something like that. You just go, there's the guy, the guy who can run a four, three can't cover him.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:27Tom Segura?

  It's really other level, man. He was.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  He never looked like he was running hard.

• 55:32Tom Segura?

  No, like casually. I'm casually doing a four, two right now and I'm six, four.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  Fucking unreal, dude.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  And he ended up at Marshall. You know, I, I grew up and we was talking before the air. He was in Fairfield and Hamilton, you know? Why, where I went to high school is Oxford. That's Miami of Ohio.

• 55:51Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  You know, back then Marshall played Miami. They was in the same conference.

• 55:55Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  And they was like, that was the one game that stadium was overpacked because Marshall came to Oxford.

• 56:02Tom Segura?

  And they were like, we gotta see this shit.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  I think Miami beat him that year. I think Miami beat Marshall that year. Yeah.

• 56:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's, it is crazy that he ended up at a one double A program.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  That's wild.

• 56:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Like the arguably the best player in the country is like, I'm gonna go to a. Different division school. This guy could have started anywhere in the country. It's crazy. You still a big sports fan though?

• 56:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:27Tom Segura?

  What's your?

• 56:27Speaker 02

  Guy. Football, NFL football is my thing. So I'm diehard Cincinnati Bengals.

• 56:32Tom Segura?

  That's nice to hear. You don't hear that a lot.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  Bengals?

• 56:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean.

• 56:36Speaker 02

  Then we got George Clooney.

• 56:38Tom Segura?

  I always pull for the Bengals because I still have that affection. That was my first thing. You know what I mean? Like, my dad's favorite sport was football. So we watched, we watched a lot of college ball and then NFL. And Cincinnati, like, that was the first game I ever went to. And then when we left Cincinnati, we left in like the winter, I guess, I think it was the winter of 88. We left the year they went to the Super.

• 57:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Boomer Esiason team.

• 57:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, Icky Woods.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:06Tom Segura?

  Who I ran into by the way on a flight.

• 57:08Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 57:09Tom Segura?

  It was surreal because I'd never met him and this is like 30 years later.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:14Tom Segura?

  And I was like, that's fucking Icky Woods?

• 57:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:17Tom Segura?

  And, yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  He never got paid.

• 57:19Tom Segura?

  No, he never got paid.

• 57:20Speaker 02

  They always, people always be like, he's selling meat door to door. I go, you realize he was like a fourth round pick, right?

• 57:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  He only played like two years. He never got paid.

• 57:28Tom Segura?

  The knees, his, I think his knees went bad.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, he only played like two, three years in the league, but that rookie year was ridiculous.

• 57:34Tom Segura?

  Crazy. And if you're a kid, I mean, I had his poster up.

• 57:38Speaker 02

  He had the Icky Shuffle?

• 57:39Tom Segura?

  Come on.

• 57:41Tom Segura?

  So we left and like, we went to Minneapolis and I remember I went, cause my parents were pretty Catholic. And they're gonna play in the Super Bowl and I went to like the big downtown cathedral in Minneapolis and I prayed. Like, please let the Bengals win the Super Bowl. Like that, they were like, what are you praying about? I was like, nothing. I just wanna have a happy life.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  And you don't even know, like, the guy, Stanley Wilson got, they found him in the hotel room, coked out of his mind.

• 58:10Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  I was like this. That was, when that happened, I go, I think we're fucked.

• 58:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah. But didn't we still have the opening kickoff go back?

• 58:18Speaker 02

  No, it was eight kickoff went back, not the opening one. Yeah, Stanford Jennings brought, it was like in the third quarter.

• 58:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he took one back to the house.

• 58:25Speaker 02

  Like, Boomer didn't have a good game that game.

• 58:26Tom Segura?

  No, but also they put, the San Francisco put together that, it was a, it was a fourth quarter drive. John Taylor, all that, like, yeah.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  And then like two passes before that, Lewis Billups had the ball right in his hands and dropped it to DB and I just went. I mean, it was Joe Montana. He doesn't do that.

• 58:47Tom Segura?

  No.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  He threw it right to him and he dropped. I go, oh, we're done. It's like one of the things you saw it coming. I go, we got the lead, two minutes left. I go, this is Joe Montana. This is what he does.

• 58:58Tom Segura?

  That's what he does.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  And then I, it's crazy, cause I was in Syracuse at the Funny Bone, probably about 10 years ago. Joe's son was playing at Tulane.

• 59:08Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 59:08Speaker 02

  And they were up there to play Syracuse and I saw Joe in the lobby. And I went up to him. I said, hey, first I went to the wife. I said, hey, what's up, man? Big football fan. I said, you know, I got, I know there's nothing to do here tonight. The game's at noon. I know you're not flying out after the game. You can't get out of Syracuse. I go, I'd like to invite you guys to a show. So they said, yes, I was shocked. His wife calls, yeah, I think we're gonna come tonight. I was like, awesome. So I leave him tickets. He comes and hangs out in the dressing room for a few minutes. I don't think he really knew who I was really, right? Get done with the show. I asked if I can get a picture, of course. We get a picture and then his guy took a picture too. And then like a month later, I get this blown up picture of me and Montana.

• 59:54Speaker 02

  And he autographed it and it's got like his seal at the bottom. He has to do that.

• 59:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:59Speaker 02

  And I go, why you gotta be nice?

• 1:00:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  I fucking hate it.

• 1:00:02Tom Segura?

  I hate you, man. Yeah.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Why you gotta be cool?

• 1:00:05Tom Segura?

  That's fucking, that's pretty rad.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Like it just came out. Left his guy called and was like, yo, Joe wanted to send you a thank you for, for getting him in the show and everything.

• 1:00:14Tom Segura?

  Seal on it.

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's got the Montana thing at the bottom. I still got, I got it hung up in the house. I'm like, I can't hang it up in the main room. Cause people are like, I thought you liked the Bengals.

• 1:00:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  So I got in the back closet.

• 1:00:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah. It's pretty cool though, dude. That's, I remember being a kid, cause I'm only like nine or 10 when this happens. And I was obsessed with Jerry Rice. Like I loved Jerry Rice. And I, it was like the first time where I was like, oh, I actually, I, the feeling was, I can't believe I want Jerry Rice to lose. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  Like against the Bengals?

• 1:00:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, cuz like in the game, I was like, he's like an idol. And I was like, oh, but I don't want him to win. And that was like a conflicted feeling.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:56Tom Segura?

  I can't believe I want, as a kid, I want this guy that I admire to lose.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  Why? I mean, you understand, our business, like, you go to cities and some guys might come out on another team and you're like, I'm a Bengals fan, I can't root for you.

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  Especially when you do well in cities, like Pittsburgh's a great comedy market.

• 1:01:14Tom Segura?

  Fantastic.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  Cleveland. And they, you know, the guys, coaches or players that come out and you're like, I'm not supposed to like you.

• 1:01:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  Root for you. And then when they invite you to the game.

• 1:01:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you're like, shit.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  I'll tell them, I go, dude, I'm not, I won't wear Bengals shit.

• 1:01:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but I ain't wearing.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  I ain't wearing your shit.

• 1:01:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32Speaker 02

  And I'll, I'll golf clap, you know what I mean? I went to the AFC title game a couple of years ago where the Bengals played the Chiefs and sat in Travis Kelsey's suite.

• 1:01:40Tom Segura?

  Uh huh.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  Cuz you know, he's a Cincinnati guy, though.

• 1:01:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  So a lot of guys are from Cincinnati. That was, I sat, I just sat in the corner. Sweet, I was like this. And they was on me, though, cuz they knew.

• 1:01:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  The fuck up, then when they won, I was like, and then Travis was cool. I go, god damn it. Why you gotta be cool?

• 1:01:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 1:01:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, the, both of them are rad. They're good guys, man.

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Tom Segura?

  I like them a lot. The, um, I've been invited to games where they go, hey, uh, don't wear the opposing team's like colors and, and like, you know, gear. And I was like, well, I'm not a fucking asshole.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:02:14Tom Segura?

  And they go, you'd be surprised.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  I can imagine.

• 1:02:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  They're like, some guys do it like as a badge of honor.

• 1:02:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  Like, I don't give a fuck.

• 1:02:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:21Speaker 02

  You know, I was like, nah, I wanna be invited back.

• 1:02:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, be cool, dude.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Tom Segura?

  Be very cool. Um, dude, this was, this was a treat. I, I, I really loved meeting you.

• 1:02:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Tom Segura?

  It's fucking, it's been literally 20 years of people being like, you know, Gary, right? You guys are both from Cincinnati. I'm like, no, I don't.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  It's, and it, it is wild in our business cuz you just, you just think we all know each other.

• 1:02:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  And like.

• 1:02:41Tom Segura?

  And it's literally like you said, like you look on the calendar and you're like, oh, he's coming.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Tom Segura?

  Coming in a week, I won't be here.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:02:47Tom Segura?

  But yeah.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  What made you make the move to Austin before we get out of here?

• 1:02:49Tom Segura?

  It was the, uh, it was during the pandemic. Um, I always felt like, you know, I have a lot of, I lived in LA 19 years. I have a lot of affection for LA. There's things I still love about LA. But like during the pandemic, when it was like chaotic, well, you know, in the city, I'd never, my wife was raised, like since she moved there when she was two. She's a lifelong Angelino. And every time, you know, sometimes you do weekends where like I would always get back from like Denver and be like, damn, that was awesome. Like, I love Denver. She'd be like, yeah, we're not gonna fucking move there.

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Tom Segura?

  I was like, yeah, okay. And then it was during the pandemic where everything was shut down, where as it was progressing, she was like, hey, I'm, I'm okay to get out of here. I was like, for real? She was like, yeah, like, we can do what we do from anywhere. Let's, let's look. So I just kind of was like, okay, started to like, check out different cities and came here. This was one of those cities where every time I'd been on tour, I would go, oh, uh, Austin was great. It was like a great week. So it was just like on the shortlist. There was only like four cities we were considering, all over.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59Tom Segura?

  And then when she was like, I like this one, it was kind of like, okay, we're gonna look there.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  Huh.

• 1:04:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Tom Segura?

  It's been, it's been over four years now.

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:09Tom Segura?

  But you live in Texas.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  Houston.

• 1:04:11Tom Segura?

  What made you choose Houston?

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  I got, I got a divorce.

• 1:04:14Tom Segura?

  How was that?

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  And I was like, all right, well.

• 1:04:16Tom Segura?

  That was leaving where? Where did you live?

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  Uh, San Francisco, Oakland.

• 1:04:20Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  So I was like, we had, we had, we still had a house in Cincinnati. And then we had a house in California too. So it was like, I was kind of back and forth. And then when the divorce happened, I said, all right, I gotta be, I need a city with a hub. Cause I'm still flying out just about every week. I was like, no state taxes. I was thinking where I could save money too.

• 1:04:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  Cause you know, hopefully you don't have to go through this, but them, them attorneys get in your brain, you'd be thinking you about to go broke.

• 1:04:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  They're like, you have to get out of here. You can't have a divorce in California. And they'll share all the horror stories. I was like, all right. So I just need a place with a hub. It got down to Phoenix, Dallas and Houston. And then I met a chick.

• 1:05:00Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go to Houston.

• 1:05:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  All right, that's still the deal of those three cities.

• 1:05:07Tom Segura?

  Are you happy there? You're just working on?

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  I love it. I mean, obviously, it's like awesome. The summer's a little rough.

• 1:05:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:12Speaker 02

  Gets a little hot, but I'm in, I love it. It's funny. I still have a city I got my car broken into.

• 1:05:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  I still was like, all right, well.

• 1:05:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's all good.

• 1:05:20Speaker 02

  Welcome to the city, baby.

• 1:05:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it just happens. Yeah.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like Houston. But it was like you. I always thought Dallas, Houston were great stand-up towns.

• 1:05:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  You know, I always felt like I was tapped in socially with the right friend group. So I was like, yeah.

• 1:05:35Tom Segura?

  This is a good time.

• 1:05:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, Houston was always, it was always a good city.

• 1:05:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  Like, I don't know what is, most urban comics.

• 1:05:42Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  That, that improv is usually the, one of their biggest money weekends.

• 1:05:48Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  It's big. It's usually sold out. You're adding shows.

• 1:05:52Tom Segura?

  Sometimes, yeah, you'll see, I've, I've, it's been a while since, but I remember being online and being like, oh, look who's at Houston. And they're like, they're doing 10 shows. Like, this guy's like adding, adding, adding. Yeah, just.

• 1:06:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, you almost can't keep up.

• 1:06:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, also, some people don't realize how big of a city that is. That's a fucking huge metropolis, man.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  Oh, Houston is unreal.

• 1:06:12Tom Segura?

  It's massive.

• 1:06:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, you could be an hour from your friend.

• 1:06:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  Never see him.

• 1:06:17Tom Segura?

  That's, yeah.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  When you got three comedy clubs in one city.

• 1:06:21Tom Segura?

  And it used to be even more, I think. Like, if you go back 20 years.

• 1:06:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:25Tom Segura?

  I think they had like five at one point.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think we're definitely in a comedy, like, resurgence right now. I think the, we, we, we let the cancel culture have their time.

• 1:06:37Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  And we kind of had, all right, we're, I think people are done with that. And then the, the ticket sales right now are just through the roof.

• 1:06:43Tom Segura?

  That's awesome.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  For so many people, though.

• 1:06:45Tom Segura?

  That's great.

• 1:06:45Speaker 02

  I'm like, all right, everybody's getting back out there. Everybody trying to laugh.

• 1:06:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, have a good time. It also means that people are spending money.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Tom Segura?

  Which is usually encouraging. It's fun.

• 1:06:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think that's, I've always heard, like, the one, the one thing that recession does not affect is stand-up.

• 1:07:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  Cause people still wanna spend money to get away from all that shit.

• 1:07:04Tom Segura?

  Right. They wanna forget about it.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  So when you're reading the news and everything and people are freaking out, we go, oh, we're still good.

• 1:07:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Go see a stand-up show.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:12Tom Segura?

  And go see Gary if you've never seen him. Uh, GaryOwen.live. Don't forget to check out No S. Uh, his special available on YouTube. Uh, but there's also, you have like six, seven, I forget how many. You have so many specials.

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got, I can't, I can't tell you.

• 1:07:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, just like Google him.

• 1:07:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, we got two on YouTube this year. We got Broken Family and No S came out this year on YouTube.

• 1:07:33Tom Segura?

  Incredible, man. Uh, real pleasure to meet you. Thanks for coming, bro. Absolutely. Uh, we'll see you guys next week. Can you please tell the audience so I can have record that you're impressed with my water consumption?

• 1:07:42Speaker 07

  So he's the water champ. You're the water champ. You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you. Pound in the water, pound in the water. You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water.

• 1:07:58Tom Segura?

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 1:07:59Speaker 07

  Current water champion. Tom gets it. Running away. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. You are the water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Water down. Water champ. You're drinking not much water. Drinks water and pees. He's just pees water and pees at the same time. Just sitting. Sometimes he's peeing while he's drinking.

• 1:08:18Tom Segura?

  Oddly enough, my wife also competed. She can't even last play. You ever seen a Yorkie drink water? This might overwhelm my urge to consume more water.

• 1:08:26Speaker 07

  Like, you don't understand.

• 1:08:27Tom Segura?

  Current water champion.

• 1:08:28Speaker 07

  You don't understand. Water champ, water champ. You don't understand.

• 1:08:31Tom Segura?

  Current water champion.

• 1:08:33Speaker 07

  You don't understand. Water champ, water champ.

• 1:08:37Speaker 07

  He just kept drinking and no one said a word.

• 1:08:40Speaker 07

  Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water.

• 1:08:52Speaker 07

  Is this technically water too? Water too. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ.

• 1:08:58Speaker 07

  Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ.

• 1:09:02Speaker 07

  People would discuss like, who's the water champ? Hell nah, no. Let's, let's, let's go, go, water champ. Killed two of those, and then four 16-ounce waters. You are the water champ.

• 1:09:10Tom Segura?

  I've never seen someone drink so much water during such a short. Let's go, water champ.

• 1:09:14Speaker 07

  Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water.

• 1:09:22Tom Segura?

  Let's go, water champ. Let's go, water champ.

• 1:09:26Speaker 00

  Just a madman.

• 1:09:29Speaker 00

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