Finding Confidence and Style at Any Age with Caroline Baudino

It's never too late to find success, happiness, confidence, or style, and we have Caroline Baudino on this week's episode to prove it. The influencer and podcaster shares how she lost herself and the rock bottom/aha moment which led her to finding her purpose and building a thriving business. She shares why she loves being in her 50s, her main piece of advice for moms who want to rediscover themselves but don't know where to start, why getting up and getting dressed every day can change your life, tips for finding your personal style, and why there is no such thing as too much jewelry. Before Caroline joins us, we discuss the notion that couples who veg out together are closer than couples who are more active, plus we're letting you know about the newest way to elevate your masturbation sessions. Enjoy! Follow Caroline on Instagram @shop.with.caroline and TikTok @shop.with.caroline, listen to her podcast Coming In Hot, and check out her website. Follow us on Instagram @girlsgottaeatpodcast, Ashley @ashhess, and Rayna @rayna.greenberg. Visit girlsgottaeat.com for tour dates, merchandise, and more. Thank you to our partners this week: Bilt: Get points by paying rent at https://joinbilt.com/GGE. Addyi: Learn more at https://addyi.com. BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at https://betterhelp.com/gge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you looked at yourself as a special occasion and your life as a special occasion, what would you do for it to show up?

• 0:21Rayna Greenberg?

  This podcast is a Dear Media production.

• 0:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:24Rayna Greenberg?

  Hi, guys.

• 0:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat.

• 0:27Rayna Greenberg?

  Welcome back.

• 0:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  We just got back.

• 0:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes, we are recording before we leave, but thank you guys for coming out to our shows in Denver, Minneapolis, and Madison. Hope they were great. I'm sure they were great.

• 0:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. I'm so excited for my fits because it's Western.

• 0:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 0:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  You guys will have seen on Instagram.

• 0:45Rayna Greenberg?

  You will have seen them.

• 0:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm really excited. I'm wearing chaps for the first time.

• 0:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Right, so head to the, head to the Gram to see what we wore. This was the most planning I have done.

• 0:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  So you actually started planning this like two months ago.

• 0:57Rayna Greenberg?

  No, and I was like, what are you, what words are you saying to me? You were like, I have my Western fits. I was like, I'll do that a week before.

• 1:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just have learned over the years to get ahead of costumes and like looks like this. Like I got my pajamas really early. Like I don't like that feeling of I don't know what I'm wearing and I'm scrambling at the last minute and you got to return stuff. So yeah, I started planning. I hope it paid off. I hope I looked good.

• 1:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I wish I could do that because it is, I'll, I'll write it down every day in my, in my thing. Like it's this sense of impending doom of like the stuff I want will not be in stock, but I can't stop myself. And then you know what we're doing in December, so I'd move early December and then six days later, we leave for two weeks. How am I going to find anything?

• 1:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know how you're doing that.

• 1:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't know how I'm doing that.

• 1:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Tessa, you're going to be doing that.

• 1:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's one of these people to help. No, but thank you guys for coming out and just while we're here, we have five more shows in two cities this year. And those are going to be two shows in New York. There are still some tickets left to one of those and three shows in Boston and there are still tickets left to one of those. So two are sold out and we really cannot wait to end the year here. We don't really know what 2025 is going to hold. So you know, if you want to see us, get those tickets. Make the trip. All the shows. Are gonna be incredible, like the entertainers we have, I mean, in New York, always and Boston, we have never done holiday shows there. So we are pulling out all the stops. We're just full send.

• 2:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yep.

• 2:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do it, send it, stuff we've never done in Boston before.

• 2:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 2:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  These shows are gonna be incredible. So you can still get tickets to the second show, which is the late Friday show, which is gonna be lit. So.

• 2:29Rayna Greenberg?

  At the Wilbur.

• 2:30Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 2:30Rayna Greenberg?

  GirlsGotIt.com. We'll see you guys there.

• 2:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  GirlsGotIt.com.

• 2:33Rayna Greenberg?

  And thank you to our partners for the show. Thanks to BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/gge. And thanks to Bilt. Get points by paying rent at joinbilt.com/gge.

• 2:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, and thanks to Addy. You can learn more at addy, A-D-D-Y-I, dot com.

• 2:52Rayna Greenberg?

  So we have an update for you guys. Hopefully you're gonna love it. We have a company Vibes Only, which is an amazing line of vibrators to enhance your sex life. But everything is paired with our app. So Vibes Only is our app as well. And it's always been an erotic audio app and the toys connect via Bluetooth to the app. And there's always been a remote control in there and a long distance remote controller as well. And now we've added a bunch of new features. We've rolled out a new version of the app. It's really beautiful. It's highly customizable. I mean, this should be your pleasure playground, one stop shop.

• 3:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Go off.

• 3:24Rayna Greenberg?

  We just want to make your sexual experiences as customizable as humanly possible. And you could always DJ the vibrators. You could always connect the vibe to the controller, turn up the vibration pattern, switch between the different vibrations and intensities. But now we've built out an entire studio. So you can really highly customize it. There's just a lot of fun stuff to play with in there.

• 3:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, there's really nothing else that exists like this. You know, like Raina said, every single one of our vibrators does connect to the app and someone has always been able to control them long distance since we introduced that feature. But these new features make it crazy. I mean, this is really crazy. Like, I'm just gonna tell you the new features and we're not gonna explain all of them today. It's a lot of information to digest. But we have the Vibes Only Studio. And Raina can talk more about that in a minute. We have the four way controller. So if you're into a four way, get in on that. We have the magic wand. Also, the Ashley Max is a magic wand. If you guys are interested in a vibrator. We have a sound controller, which is crazy. That is so crazy. Some of this stuff is like the most high tech shit. Like we're like, how is that even possible? Well, we did it. And then we have the freestyle controller. And while we're

• 4:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  here, I'll talk about the freestyle controller. This is wild. This is just if you want to just have fun. Like if you're just sitting around, like, what can I do on my phone? This is gonna be it. Okay.

• 4:36Rayna Greenberg?

  What can I do with my pussy on my phone?

• 4:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, how can I masturbate? So this is really if you're like, kind of like the adventurous type, you know, you're a little bit of a rule breaker, and you want to create your own vibe in the moment. So you are going to draw your vibe directly on the screen. This is like an Etch A Sketch for the dirty Etch A Sketch. And then your vibrator is going to respond instantly with the changes in intensity, pattern, and duration. So you can just really get creative with this. Like, I think you could let your small child do this, too. You know, I'm just saying, if your kid is acting up there-

• 5:08Rayna Greenberg?

  This is your version of stick him in the corner with an iPad?

• 5:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're not gonna know what they're doing. I'm not saying they're gonna use the sex toys, but I think a kid could have fun with this-

• 5:17Rayna Greenberg?

  You want your kid to DJ your vibrator pattern?

• 5:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, no, I'm just joking. But I think of the Etch A Sketch days and like, you know-

• 5:24Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so easy. Even boys can do it.

• 5:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, even boys can do it. So again, it's just really fun to like draw on your screen and have your vibrator respond instantly in the moment and like kind of create your own pattern in that way. So that is going to be the freestyle controller.

• 5:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes. And what I like about the Vibe Studio is, so for all of our different vibrators, you know, there's a Wand, there's Air Pulse Suction Vibes, the Poppy was just a handheld vibrator, like in the palm of your hand. And in the Vibe Studio, you can program different types of vibes so that if you want high intensity, low intensity, if you want a pulsation, and then you can assign it to a toy. So what I would say is like, I like the Air Pulse a little lower because I come too hard from it.

• 6:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Or the Ashley Max.

• 6:01Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm gonna call something like my Debbie vibe, and then I'm gonna assign like a lower vibration to it.

• 6:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I think you can call whatever you want. I don't want to gloss over that. You can call it like-

• 6:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Call it anything you want.

• 6:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Hot Contractor.

• 6:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  You could call it who you're about to masturbate to. Like you could name these.

• 6:18Rayna Greenberg?

  They listened to it. So you know.

• 6:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  His team listened. Okay. Okay. So maybe it's Raina's new house. Like you just like first night in the new house. And you just want to have your patterns and your intensities for that. Like I just love that you can title these sessions essentially. The types of patterns and intensities you want for the toy because again, like Raina said, it's going to be different with certain toys. Like the Ashley Max is so powerful. Like I use it a lot and I keep it on like the lower setting.

• 6:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. But the poppy, which is like a palm vibe, it has a finger grip on it. I like a higher intensity because it's just vibration and it's a smaller toy. And it's not sucking on my clit. So I go a little harder with that one.

• 6:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Of course. And like the friendship bracelet ones that we sell at the shows, we have this incredible, we call it the vibes bracelet. And we sell it at our live shows and like, you gotta jack that one up. You know, it's like petite and I'm, I'm at a full 10 on that.

• 7:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Damn girl.

• 7:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 7:09Rayna Greenberg?

  And then last thing about this, we have all the manuals for the toys in the app, which we're really proud of. I mean, I toss a manual out so quickly and then I don't know how to use anything. So they're all in the app programmed in there. And that's a free feature, of course. Just get in there and you learn how to use your vibes and we make it really simple for you. And the app is free to get into. So get in there, play around, see what you guys think. It's just going to enhance the experience even more. And I don't know, I can't masturbate the same way every day anymore. And I gotta switch it up each day.

• 7:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, exactly. We're going to be masturbating more than ever to get through this next lifetime. This is the time to do it. And again, we really want you guys to get in the app and use it. It is free to get in there, but then some features are going to be part of your subscription, which is paid. But you don't have to use it with our toys, just to be clear. All the toys will work on their own. But this really takes them to the next level and you are going to get more patterns and more intensities and all these like fun features. But you can still always buy a vibrator from Vibes only and just hit it manual, raw dog it. And then we have our suck and blow gels, which are so incredible. And we're talking about them today with our guest Caroline. She was very excited about it.

• 8:13Rayna Greenberg?

  She said blowjob and I was like, screw. Like we just, I can't hear blowjob and not be like, we're going to get into that today.

• 8:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So we talked about that with her and I think that's going to change her life. But right now we have the red velvet and the sugar cookie.

• 8:25Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 8:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  So you can enhance your oral sex, whether it's on a penis, on a vulva and have it taste like red velvet or sugar cookie.

• 8:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Put it on your nipples. Make your nipples taste like red velvet.

• 8:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  There you go. Yeah. Body safe.

• 8:38Rayna Greenberg?

  So I'm trying to think of a transition into getting pregnant, but.

• 8:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Rightest pregnant?

• 8:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Just kidding.

• 8:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm pregnant.

• 8:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 8:45Rayna Greenberg?

  My brother-

• 8:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  The toys that you can play with?

• 8:47Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, and that's how you get pregnant, have a baby, you know, like, do some stuff. I don't know, I usually have better transitions, you guys.

• 8:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  But-

• 8:53Rayna Greenberg?

  You're killing it. My brother and his wife had the baby this weekend and I just like couldn't be happier. She, that bitch was pregnant for so long.

• 8:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, that was-

• 8:59Rayna Greenberg?

  I was like, are we gonna be done here?

• 9:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, they definitely did get her due date wrong. It had to be.

• 9:03Rayna Greenberg?

  I know.

• 9:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  That baby was cooking in there for-

• 9:05Rayna Greenberg?

  Forever.

• 9:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  So long. Two full weeks after her due date, right?

• 9:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Insane. Insane. I was like, are we done yet?

• 9:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Every morning, I was like, where the fuck is this kid? What is happening over there in London? They're just keeping him in there longer?

• 9:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Her parents like flew out there like way before. They thought like it would be baked by then and like, nope. They just had to like extend the trip. But he had the baby and he's like healthy and sweet and wonderful. He looks so much like my brother. I, and listen, it's like, yeah, no shit, it's his kid.

• 9:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, no, no.

• 9:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I've never seen a kid-

• 9:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, you guys don't know.

• 9:37Rayna Greenberg?

  The spitting image of a parent that much, like, hour one.

• 9:41Ashley Hesseltine?

  The spitting image of an adult. Like, what is that? Like, I will not- And then I was just like, I was showing pictures to my fiance to sparkle eyes. He's like, he does look like a person. And I'm like, no, but you don't know Rightest's brother? And I'm trying to find pictures of your brother, he's on Instagram, and I'm like, you don't understand. You don't understand. The way he looks, this is crazy, look at his nose!

• 10:04Rayna Greenberg?

  He has like an adult's nose.

• 10:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, literally, okay, what is that nose?

• 10:07Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, he just doesn't have that like smashed up baby face. Like, he looks like a fool-

• 10:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  He has fully grown child- Literally all of your brother's features. Like, if they walked in the room, you guys wouldn't be able to tell the difference. It's like insane!

• 10:18Rayna Greenberg?

  Cause they're both so short.

• 10:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  They're the same height and weight. No, it's crazy. Like, did she contribute at all?

• 10:25Rayna Greenberg?

  So I was gonna say to you, like, nothing would fuck me up more than if I worked on a project, a group project, for nine months, but I did all the work-

• 10:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 10:34Rayna Greenberg?

  And none of the results reflected me.

• 10:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's so funny.

• 10:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I would be so mad. I would like hesitate to like say that to her, like, he looks exactly like my brother. Like, he's like, everybody keeps saying the kid looks so much like me, and I'm like-

• 10:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 10:46Rayna Greenberg?

  You think?

• 10:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 10:47Rayna Greenberg?

  So then in turn, he kinda looks like you.

• 10:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  He looks more like you than her.

• 10:51Rayna Greenberg?

  He does. The Greenbergs have really strong genes, though. Like, my brother and I look exactly like my dad. Like, our whole family all looks like the Greenberg side of the family.

• 10:59Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 11:00Rayna Greenberg?

  It looks exactly like my brother, but I was... So I just started sending everybody pictures. I want, like, every picture of this child. Everything he'd... Every hour, I'm like, "You didn't send me a picture of what he's doing." Like, "Some... Like, they went home today. They sent me all these pictures of them with the dog, meeting the baby, and it's so cute." And I just... I want, like, a picture of everything he does, every breath he takes. And I want all those, but I started sending them to other people. And like, I'm like, "Where's the line?" Like, this isn't even my baby. So like, I'm not like, "Look how cute my baby is." Like, when I send them to people, it's like, "Look how cute this other person's baby is."

• 11:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 11:30Rayna Greenberg?

  So like, where's the line at which you are annoying other people?

• 11:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Also, by the way, this is still a novelty to me. This is day three.

• 11:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 11:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  So I don't care. You know me, I'll tell you. We've hit the line. Here's the thing, I think there's gotta be a hook. You know, like, I don't wanna see the same stuff. I also don't need to see your brother's naked chest.

• 11:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I don't need the skin-to-skin from Arlen.

• 11:53Rayna Greenberg?

  I FaceTimed him for the first time, thinking she wouldn't answer the phone. No. So it goes to voicemail, then she calls me back. I get a FaceTime from her, but it's him in the bed with the baby. And I'm like, "Where is she?" And he's like, "She's standing up next to me." And I'm like, "Why are you in the bed?" I could be a dad. She's standing up next to you, she just gave birth 24 hours ago. She's eating. She's just... She's next to me, she'll figure it out.

• 12:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  But, you know, like, I love that dads wanna have, like, skin-to-skin contact. I think it's, like, really special. Like, Matt did that. I'm sure all dads listening, you guys did that. You know, it's like, but I don't need to see it. It's like, a little too much.

• 12:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's too intimate.

• 12:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  I like it.

• 12:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 12:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think at one point, the baby, like, thought his nipple was like her nipple. Well, how's he supposed to know? He is an adult, but... It's funny, 'cause I don't think you have it in you to go too hard. I don't think you're gonna become a completely different person now that you're an aunt. You know, like, I think you'll feel it when you're like, "I've gone too far. I've done too much. I've sent too many photos." But I think, I'm like, they gotta have a hook to 'em. Like, is this funny in any way? Is it different than the last one?

• 12:56Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 12:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know, Matt sent a picture to the family group chat of Jay took a poop in the potty. And that is my line.

• 13:04Rayna Greenberg?

  It was the poop?

• 13:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  The poop was in there.

• 13:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is, this is a huge deal.

• 13:10Rayna Greenberg?

  They guess they do. My parents did. I, I'm telling you, like, they're so proud.

• 13:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Could you have gotten a photo without the turd?

• 13:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I think you could have just said, Jay took a poop in the potty. Like, he had to show the turd.

• 13:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Jay was standing there so proud.

• 13:23Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, everybody's gonna be like, prove it.

• 13:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is what parents love, this shit. And I, poop is my line. Cause even Matt was like, Jay is like advanced and it's like crazy. He's pooping in the potty. I'm sorry. It really is. Like, he's just gonna be potty trained because he's so smart that it's like, hey Jay, this is where you go to the potty. And he's like, okay. Like, he is getting fully potty trained. It's like, it's so crazy. So I get it. It's like such a proud moment to see that turd and be like, he did it. And even Matt, when he sent us to the family group chat, said, sorry, Ash. Like, he knows I, poop is the line for me.

• 13:54Rayna Greenberg?

  You don't want it. I don't want it. I don't ever want to see that.

• 13:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I'm telling you, when your brother one day sends a picture of that turd, he'll be so proud. Like, you will be the one to be like, the line has been crossed and your parents will probably eat it up.

• 14:07Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, that is so disgusting.

• 14:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  It wasn't like a close up of.

• 14:12Rayna Greenberg?

  Doogie. But you're like, show me some range. And Matt's like, I'll show you some range. You ever seen a photo of a poop before?

• 14:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  I remember this mom friend of mine, I can't, I think she posted this on Facebook, just totally rogue. And it was like, her two kids, and they were both in the shower. And one of the kids had like, taken a shit in the shower. And it was like, this turd on the shower floor. And I was like, I've never needed more, like, validation that the kids are not for me. And I'm like, please, get the poop off of Facebook. Like, we have to draw the line.

• 14:48Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I draw the line of poop. Vomit, I don't want vomit. Okay, that's, that's the line. But I'm with you. I, I don't really want an excessive amount of photos of anybody's kid, let alone like, I'm like one degree removed from this kid. Like, I'm sending, you know, it's not my kid.

• 15:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I mean, I send you pictures of Jay and you've talked to them too, obviously on your own. But yeah, to me, I'm like, if I really have, if something is so special, so cute, it's like different in some way. They're doing something special. I have like a real reaction to it. Like, I'll shoot it off to you.

• 15:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I like photos of him. I think he's so cute. But yeah, you, you keep it respectful. And the hierarchy, I don't really want people, photos of people's dogs.

• 15:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  You don't really send me photos of Azul. He has to be doing something like really cute.

• 15:28Rayna Greenberg?

  You're in suspense.

• 15:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're IRL with Azul all the time. Why would I ever send you a picture of Azul?

• 15:32Rayna Greenberg?

  A lot of people send pictures of dogs.

• 15:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  Unless he was doing something crazy. Like to me, I'm like, what is the hook here? What's the reaction? Is this funny? Is this like, oh?

• 15:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Like that dog I sent you a photo of, that black dog with the sunglasses hanging its head off the window?

• 15:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 15:47Rayna Greenberg?

  That was worthy.

• 15:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like I sent you a picture of Azul recently for some reason and you like laughed. It was funny.

• 15:52Rayna Greenberg?

  Uh huh. Guys that are too obsessed with their dogs, we talked about it. I just, I don't need like a ton of photos of your dogs. I don't care that much.

• 15:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 15:58Rayna Greenberg?

  It looks like a dog.

• 15:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, it's too much.

• 15:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, okay.

• 16:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I, you know, three and a half years with Azul, like I have not slowed on taking photos at all. He's still my whole camera roll. Every time I look at him, I'm like, I love you more today than I did, you know, like the way I, it has not gotten old to me at all. I, every single thing he does, it's the same thing he did yesterday. I'm just snapping away. Like I really do feel like that. Which I'm sure people feel like that about their kids.

• 16:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 16:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Obviously they do. I know that, I know that they do. Like Matt is like, Steph and I will lay in bed at night and like, look at the pictures of Jay we took that day. Like just to relive him while he's sleeping, you know?

• 16:31Rayna Greenberg?

  So cute.

• 16:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  Which I think a lot of parents feel that. They're just, you're obsessed.

• 16:34Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I want a, I want a photo of everything this kid did, but also like, there's no babies in my family. So like,

• 16:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 16:39Rayna Greenberg?

  With the second kid, like it's funny because like our, one of our girlfriends was saying to me, she was like, the first kid I wanted of her nephew. She was like, I wanted a photo of every single thing he did. But then they had a daughter and she's like, I don't care about anything that kid does. She's like, it's not a first anymore. I don't care. I don't want photos of it anymore.

• 16:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's the thing, like with like Aaron, he's so close behind Jay and Jay just did this shit. Like I can't speak for Matt and Steph, but for me personally,

• 17:04Rayna Greenberg?

  I saw that.

• 17:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  These things are not the big deal.

• 17:06Rayna Greenberg?

  How did it go?

• 17:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, like Jared did that.

• 17:11Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, you're crawling? Cool.

• 17:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Get on Jay's level. Let's talk about adults.

• 17:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 17:17Rayna Greenberg?

  This Instagram post came across my desk. I sent it to you. I wanted to talk to you about it.

• 17:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 17:21Rayna Greenberg?

  So this is from Psychology Posts and they were pulling from a study. You and I actually went to the study and tried to understand it.

• 17:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I feel smarter from trying to read that study.

• 17:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel dumber.

• 17:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  A little bit of both.

• 17:34Rayna Greenberg?

  But this was pulled from a study that was by a bunch of people. I don't know. You guys can go look at the post. But couples engaging in unhealthy activities together such as lounging and eating junk food reportedly feel closer than those opting for healthier habits, a study found. And so it goes on to say, shared problematic behaviors can foster closeness and satisfaction in the short term, despite the fact they're maintaining potentially unhealthy behaviors. So they focused on things like drinking, eating junk food, sedentary behavior, not like shooting heroin.

• 18:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, yes.

• 18:03Rayna Greenberg?

  There's a line.

• 18:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. There was, and there was a spectrum, like smoking and drinking is different than binge watching Netflix too. You know what I mean? We're talking about like substances or whatever versus just like, you know, being lazy on the couch. But I found this, I did find this like really interesting and we were trying to figure out, I mean, basically the study concluded with like they do shared sedentary behavior. And some of these problematic behaviors go along with enhanced closeness and relationship satisfaction on a daily level. But we didn't really see anything on like, does this mean like long-term? But I don't know if that's necessarily the point. I think it's just like, this makes you feel closer day to day.

• 18:39Rayna Greenberg?

  So then long-term vis a vis, better long-term.

• 18:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, it just depends because you're like, how far does this go? You know, if you're a couple that you are just eating junk food on the couch for years. Yeah, you feel close. And then one day you wake up, you're like, we're really unhealthy.

• 18:55Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 18:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. So, and then there's, I'm sure there's couples out there that are like, no, we don't do that. We cycle and hike together. And that's how we feel close. And that's the type of person that those people are.

• 19:08Rayna Greenberg?

  I have never felt closer to somebody by taking a hike with them. I will say that. I've never like played a game of tennis and felt like closer. I think it's nice to like veg and lay around in bed all day and not have somebody that's like, don't act like that. Just get up. You know, I mean, obviously there comes a Where you cross the line, there's too much of it, whatever. And that's your entire relationship personality. But like, I just love somebody who's not gonna shame me for doing that. They're gonna lay in bed with me all Sunday, watch football and eat food that's bad for me. And it's not just like, let's just get up and take a run.

• 19:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm.

• 19:36Rayna Greenberg?

  That's not gonna make me feel closer to you.

• 19:37Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. Yeah. Like you're the epitome of that meme. I'm terrified to marry into a family that runs a 5K on Thanksgiving. Like, could, could you imagine?

• 19:44Rayna Greenberg?

  No.

• 19:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  You wouldn't, you wouldn't do it?

• 19:46Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's all about balance. We were talking about that. Like, I just, I still need the partner that's willing to do some of the piece of shitness with me.

• 19:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, my favorite type of day with a partner includes both. And that's like my favorite type of day that I would have solo. Like, I really love to go, go, go, do stuff, feel accomplished, whatever it is. If it's a hike or, you know, if it's even like a solo workout, or if it's like doing stuff, running around New York City, for example, and doing a bunch of stuff and kind of feeling tired at the end of the day, and then just vegging out, you know, like a mix of both. But I was telling you, like, one of my favorite things about my fiance is that he loves to veg. Like, he really just loves to be like comfortable and, but he's like a really active,

• 20:34Ashley Hesseltine?

  hardworking like person in life. But like his downtime, like he really likes to just like relax. But he will also do anything that I want to do too, and what his friends want to do. You know, like, he will do the hike and we travel. We have, we've had nonstop days when we're traveling, you know, he wants to see the world. Like, we've gone canoeing, like, we were on the swan boats in Echo Park the other day. Like, he wants to try new foods. Like, he will just do both. And he's just happy doing both, you know? But I don't think you always get that. Like, I think you get someone that just wants to veg and be lazy all the time. And then you've got some guys that are go, go, go all the time. They can't really relax. They want to wake up and go work out and hit the gym.

• 21:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  And they don't want to really want to eat badly. And, you know, the, the balance is like really important to me. And I really love the days where we are like lazy. Like, I remember one weekend, I think it was the New Year's Eve weekend of last year. Like, we watched like 10 movies. Like, we, the weather wasn't great. We wanted to lay around, watch football, like make food, order food. We went, obviously, to the New Year's party. But aside from that, we did not do much. And it was great.

• 21:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I think that like, there's a few things here. You want to find somebody that you can do those things with, that you enjoy doing those things with.

• 21:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 21:46Rayna Greenberg?

  That you're not like, you just, that you enjoy the sedentary company of them. Like, that it's not like, we always have to be doing something. Like, I've been in a relationship with people where like, I really only enjoyed them during activities. Cause like, that's, that's what they brought to my life, was the activities. Let's go to a sports game, let's go to a new restaurant. But like, I didn't necessarily enjoy them laying around, doing nothing. We have nothing but our brains to entertain each other.

• 22:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  That's a, that's a great call. Like, do you actually want to lay around with somebody and just, you know, do nothing with them? Those are the moments when you realize that you genuinely want to be with somebody.

• 22:18Rayna Greenberg?

  And I need somebody with balance. Like you were saying, like, I want somebody that gives me permission to start drinking at 11 a.m. That sounds great. I want to do that sometimes with you, and I don't want you to like, shame me. But like, I'd also like you to look like you don't drink every day at 11 o'clock in the morning. You know, like, I'd like you to have some balance in your life.

• 22:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, and sometimes, it's not worth it to get off the couch. And I, we were, we had a Saturday where we like, were like, watching Abbott Elementary, is what we've been watching recently. We were just having like, a great time cuddle up on the couch. I was like, we should do something. It's a beautiful day. I was like, let's just like, go down to the beach, and we'll walk along the beach, and then we'll pop up, and we'll be like, along Santa Monica, and we'll stop in and get a drink. And there was a full-on like, Trump parade rally, so loud, so crazy, honking flags, and that ruined my day.

• 23:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, leaving your house for the day.

• 23:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I was like, we shouldn't have left the house. We got back to the house, we were like, we're safe. And we stayed at the house till we had to go to dinner. We like, brought in snacks, and like, had some beers on the roof. We're like, we're just gonna stay at the house now. So, it was, you know.

• 23:12Rayna Greenberg?

  We're safe.

• 23:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Sometimes there's times when you're like, we should just stay on the couch. But there's moments I think about in the relationship, that, like, I remember one time last year on the holidays, we got up, we like, had coffee, we had breakfast, we watched a movie at 9 a.m.

• 23:26Rayna Greenberg?

  Nothing feels, you said this to me once, and I was like, I haven't, nothing is more luxurious than a morning movie.

• 23:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  A morning movie. Oh my god.

• 23:33Rayna Greenberg?

  If I am drinking coffee and watching a movie.

• 23:35Ashley Hesseltine?

  My bed.

• 23:36Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I remember those moments. Like, yes, they bring you closer. I don't want somebody that's like, come on, let's, let's go do something. I just, there's like, some people I'm thinking of, like, I know would make me do that. Like, well, I take a walk every morning. It's, it's a four mile walk. Like, my, my dad has to work. Out every single day. He doesn't care if his partner does it, but like he's not laying around with you. My dad is like so regimented and set in his ways. He's also 78. It's a little different, but he can't like be swayed one or the other. And like that would not, I can't date my dad. Basically that would not be okay.

• 24:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Unfortunately for you. Yeah. I mean, I'm the doer. I'm the like making plans. Let's go out and do stuff. And I just, I love that he is always down, but if I didn't want to, he'd be like, yeah, well, I'll stay here.

• 24:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. I was trying to think like, what's the dynamic in my past relationships? It's pretty much just what I feel like doing is what we do. I feel like I've just always kind of been in charge. I've never had somebody that was like all go, go, go, or all lay around. Cause like I'm neither of those things. I think people just kind of like, let me be in charge.

• 24:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. But you know, when I'm going to Boston, he plans all the dates and he has a bunch of plans, you know, like when we're on his turf.

• 24:35Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 24:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  But a lot of the plans will be lying around too. It's nice. It's a nice balance. But you were saying earlier, like some of this is just like misery loves company, like just the bonding of like, we're doing something bad. You know, like we're happy we're eating something bad. Like that bonds you to people.

• 24:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. It's nice. I love like a food crawl. If somebody was like, I think we've eaten enough for today. What? What did you just say to me? I don't understand. Why are you shaming me? I don't think we should go shopping. What? We spent enough money?

• 25:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 25:01Rayna Greenberg?

  That's not supportive behavior.

• 25:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right. That's why we say partner in crime. You know, you were looking for a partner to do bad things. And again, it might be crime for some of you, but if your crime is just like drinking on the couch and Netflix scene, like your partner's in crime now.

• 25:17Rayna Greenberg?

  I was thinking, did you want to start drinking soon?

• 25:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's four thirty.

• 25:20Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, it's four thirty, you know?

• 25:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, it's dark out now.

• 25:23Rayna Greenberg?

  It's almost dark. So, yeah.

• 25:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  Now that it's dark, that's when I started drinking.

• 25:27Rayna Greenberg?

  So, yeah, I like the study. I thought it was very funny. So you heard it here first, laying around and eating shit will bring you closer to your partner than working out together.

• 25:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. The Thanksgiving 5K crowd is going to be upset with this one.

• 25:41Rayna Greenberg?

  Eck.

• 25:42Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I get it too. Like being active and exercise makes me feel good. So doing it with the partner makes like, you get the endorphins high, you know? Like that can make you bond you too, just hormonally.

• 25:53Rayna Greenberg?

  It depends where it, listen, I'm not going to lie. Last Thanksgiving in the morning, me, my brother, his wife and my dad all went to the gym. All four of us went to the gym together.

• 26:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  Did you feel closer after? Or mad at them.

• 26:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I was just in my workout era back then. I think that like, it was just like a nice thing to all do together. Yeah, this year, no.

• 26:11Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 26:11Rayna Greenberg?

  This year, no exercise.

• 26:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. All right. Well, let us know what you guys think.

• 26:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. All right. Well, before we jump into it, we're just gonna thank a couple of our partners and then we'll meet Caroline.

• 26:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, so I'm gonna tell you guys about Bilt. If you are a renter, this is for you. I rent, so I, I love this. I'm speaking to myself. And this is a way you can really just take advantage of renting with Bilt. So Bilt has changed the game by letting renters earn high value points on rent and around their neighborhood. So we really love this. I mean, obviously, who doesn't love the idea of like, getting rewards when you spend? But like, since rent is like, a lot of our biggest expenses, you can really get those rewards. So there is no cost to join Bilt, and as a member, you'll earn valuable points on rent and on your everyday spending. Built points can be transferred to your favorite hotels and airlines. Like I mentioned, the travel of it all, and even the ones you haven't heard of.

• 27:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  There are over 500 airlines and 700,000 hotels and properties around the world you can redeem your Bilt points towards. Points can also be redeemed toward a future rent payment and unique experiences that only Bilt members can access. So if you're not earning points on rent, we have to ask you, why not? You can start earning points on rent you're already paying by going to joinbilt.com/gge. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash G G E. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. joinbilt.com slash G G E to start earning points on your rent payments today.

• 27:35Rayna Greenberg?

  This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Okay, so to start this off, BetterHelp wants us to take a moment to thank someone in our lives. So I'm gonna thank Tessa.

• 27:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  I accept your thank you.

• 27:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is awkward.

• 27:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, I think Tessa too, I guess.

• 27:54Rayna Greenberg?

  No, I'm moving. Tessa's been tremendously helpful with me organizing everything. And actually, also thank you to you.

• 28:01Ashley Hesseltine?

  I brought you the champagne.

• 28:02Rayna Greenberg?

  She's like, I had this show as my idea, so Tessa wouldn't even be here. You did bring me that champagne.

• 28:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  We would have found you somehow, Tessa.

• 28:08Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, we would have found you somehow in this life. But this month is all about gratitude and along with the person that I just shouted out the two people. But there's another person we don't thank enough, ourselves. It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we're trying our best to make sense of everything. And in this crazy world, this isn't easy. So, you know, I think that that's where therapy can really come in with BetterHelp is like reminding yourself to slow down, thank yourself, be proud of yourself, look at the successes that you've had this year, look at the wins. I think that so many of us evaluate our year by the losses and what we didn't do. But like, it's really nice to slow down and just figure out like, what did I do well? And thank ourselves for it. And there's all kinds of reasons to start therapy. So whether it's for positive coping skills or setting boundaries, it empowers you to be your best self,

• 28:50Rayna Greenberg?

  whether it's in your romantic relationships, your friendships, professionally, there's so much that it can bring to your life. So we really believe in it. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/gge today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash G G E.

• 29:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, let's get into it.

• 29:23Rayna Greenberg?

  All right, guys, we are so excited to welcome our guest today. She is an LA-based mom of two, better known as Shop with Caroline Online, who has become a wildly successful lifestyle influencer, blogger and motivational speaker, amassing over 1 million followers across social media. She is the host of the podcast Coming in Hot, all of which she has done in her 50s. Forbes called her "someone who makes you question the norms we have been conditioned to accept." Please welcome to the show Caroline Bedino.

• 29:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh God, that was just so inspiring. This is, this is what we need these days. Just inspirational women.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  If anyone could just say that every time I walk into a room.

• 29:57Rayna Greenberg?

  People like our intros.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  You killed it.

• 30:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, in your 50s, it's just like, you know, I love someone like you to look up to. We can't all just look up to J Lo. Like, it's not realistic, you know, whether, whatever you feel about her or not. But you know what I'm saying? Like, her turning 50, it was like, you know, it's just like, that's not attainable to most people. I'm not saying that your career is, but it's just like, you're a real life role model to look up to as someone achieving so much success. Like.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  That means so much. Honestly, to be this age, like you, you do, you think that 50s, it's over. I think women always are afraid of like midlife and getting older. And then when you hit it, it's like what your mom used to always say to me, she'd be like, but I don't feel that old. Like, I don't, you know, like, I feel 20. And it is, there's this weird thing about aging. And I think you just get to this point where you stop giving a fuck. Like, there is something about before 50 that I think you feel invincible. And you feel like there's just so much time for everything. At 50, I can honestly tell you, like, I'm gonna be 53, January 5th. And I'm literally thinking of like every, Capricorn. I'm literally thinking of like every single thing I want to do, accomplish before it's over. Cause now I'm like, wait, there might not be another 50 left.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  So I think this like confidence builds, the not giving a shit builds, the just wanting to live your life, you know, unapologetically. Like, I think that just, that's when it hits personally.

• 31:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, the not giving a fuck, like, it's just, I do think that certainly applies to 40s, but I think we still give a little bit. And like, I think 50 is when it goes out the window.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  It really does.

• 31:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  Left to give, in the good way.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Not one. Like, I don't have one fuck to give. Like, I can honestly tell you that. And there is something about 40s, like, I had kids at 38 and 40. So I was feeling like 40s, I find to be one of the hardest times because actually what women don't realize, menopause hits you way earlier. So people thinking it's in their 50s, it actually starts 10 years before, 10 years after. But that's just the reality that I feel like if you're prepared for it and you have some understanding of what's coming, which a lot of us just didn't, you realize like, nobody talks about this stuff, but it's like, knowledge is power. And once you know what's coming, you know how to prepare for it, and then you know what you're dealing with. Trust me, you're in a way better headset. Like, you know, you're in that mind frame of like, okay, I can get through this. I can deal with this. But in your 40s, you're still feeling a little

• 32:13Speaker 02

  of that insecurity, I think. You're still feeling a little bit of like, am I a good mom? You know, am I happily married? Like, how do I still look? I'm aging. I think 50, you are like, listen, ladies. Okay, listen, buddy. You know what I mean? You're just like, I don't give a fuck. I look amazing. And I'm just gonna live my best life for whatever years I have left. And I do think there's a difference. I think 40 to 50s, I honestly do think there's a big difference.

• 32:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, good. I love to hear that.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. Guys, get ready. Buckle up. This only gets better. I swear.

• 32:44Rayna Greenberg?

  So you're a born and raised New Yorker, which I think already like gives people confidence. But like, were you always like this? Like, I like myself. I'm a bad bitch. I look great. I'm gonna get it. Like.

• 32:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, you were a New York City kid, which we were saying.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  I really, we are built different. I think there is a little bit of that like street sense. Like, there is that like, street tough. You know, we're from the streets, you guys. Like, I'm from the streets.

• 33:06Rayna Greenberg?

  These 95 bangles are from the streets, you guys. She's wearing more jewelry than I even have in this house put together, and I'm obsessed.

• 33:12Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're gonna get to it.

• 33:12Speaker 02

  We will discuss soon. But it is, there is this weird, I think, New Yorker vibe that I think you do grow up with this like weird confidence, because you do have to be independent. You do have to kind of pay attention. You know, you are, you have a little bit more freedom than a lot of kids growing up where your parents are driving you everywhere, right? So you kind of are on the streets. I think there's less fear. You're a little bit more like, willing to try shit, get away with stuff. So for me, I think when I was very young, I actually had zero friends. My mom said that when I was really young, she would take me to the park. I wouldn't talk to anybody. I would just like hold on to her leg, was super shy. And then I think what started to happen was my mom and my dad started to have marital problems. And my dad unfortunately was a cheater. And I think when I'm my mom, when

• 33:56Speaker 02

  I started to see the unhappiness, I started to have to be like the clown. You know, I had to be like the happy one. Someone had to be happy. So I think I started to be this like positive force in the house. Do you know what I mean? I think I started to have to be like, okay, but we're good, right, mom? Like, we're happy. We're good. And I think I started to put on that persona of everything's gonna Be okay, like we're gonna be okay. So I think that's where a little bit of that positive and happiness come from. It was more of that outer layer of I need to keep myself strong because someone has to be strong. And I think that's really where it came from, to be honest.

• 34:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Though all those traits come from somewhere, like your people are funny for a reason, like, you know, I started to be funny because I just didn't think I was like pretty. Like the other girls or whatever. So I was like, well, I gotta do something.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  You've got to do something right to get noticed. I mean, my mom is like, she's always crying, like you just never know if he's gonna leave. My sister, just, you know, teenager miserable, like whatever it is that you're kind of left alone and you're like, I just want to be seen. You don't want to get in trouble. You don't want to make any trouble, but like you do want some attention. So I had to be like the sweet, happy one.

• 35:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  I think everyone who's like that, I do think comes from trauma somewhere, right?

• 35:04Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay, well.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  Well, now that I brought us all down.

• 35:06Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  I think it's a really common trope.

• 35:09Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, I think it's really common trope of like, there was a lot of chaos and drama in my family and I thought I had to be the one that like my feelings didn't matter. Cause it was, you know, everybody else's were more important. Their issues, dramas were bigger. So we appreciate you sharing it. And it sounds like you built a totally different, opposite type of life for yourself. And we're talking about your husband who's a twin and.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  You know what's funny is my mom was always dressed and always had her makeup and lipstick on because people always like, were you always like this? And my mom, you always knew she was okay and happy when she was done up.

• 35:39Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  So when she wasn't, it was like signaling, I think to all of us, like, oh shit, like her lipstick's not fucking on, like what's happening? And it was when she was depressed or she was down, she wouldn't put herself together. She wouldn't make that effort. And I just, I just remember always like watching how she looked would directly affect how we all felt. Cause it would tell us what's going on with her. So I think that's why it's something with like getting dressed was always something for me. Cause I think visually it was something.

• 36:07Rayna Greenberg?

  And the way that you look, the way that you dressed, did it change throughout like your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, like the self-talk of like, this is how I want to appear today. This is what my style like, did you have like a big shift or you were always kind of like this?

• 36:19Speaker 02

  You know what? I really was always like high school, college, it like I went to GW. If you knew me, like I have never worn. Sweats to a class. I have never, for real, like, seriously, like, I've never been in sweats, never traveled. I've always have jeans on and a nice sweater or shirt on. Like, I've never been in sweats or pajamas. Actually, maybe recently. But it's one of those that my mom always thought going out was a special occasion. And she thought going to the theater or going out for dinner. So like, we always had to be dressed up. And she was always like, how you look, that's how people see you. And it was definitely something that was talked about a lot in our house. So we were always dressed up, always had to get dressed. And for me, I think my style, my mom always had the jewels on. My dad's Cuban. He has chains on all the time, which is where I got it.

• 37:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cuban links.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Like, what are the Cuban links he did? And like, we would just always be dressed up. And I think my style was very New York in the sense of like, monochromatic, like, keep it simple, elegant, classic. And then I'm a little edgy. Like, I do like pops of color, a little bit edgy, all the jewelry, the animal prints, like, I like to funk everything up a little bit. So I think this has been my style always. I have a little more fun with it now, I think, in my 50s. Cause I think now I feel even more confident. Cause I don't give a shit if you like it or not.

• 37:31Ashley Hesseltine?

  So have you always been big with the jewelry, like, the volume?

• 37:34Speaker 02

  You know what? Yeah, I might have taken a bit of a break, like, during, when the kids were little, which-

• 37:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  During COVID?

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Not during COVID.

• 37:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  You went harder during COVID?

• 37:45Speaker 02

  I was decked out. I was wearing sequins pants and a fucking cowboy hat at one point. Like, everyone thought I had lost my mind. And I literally was like, I want to walk out of here looking fabulous and feeling fabulous while you guys all let yourselves go. While you guys all, like, drop down like you're dying. I was like, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna get dressed every day. I stayed on my routine, stayed on my schedule, still wore all the jewels. I still, everyone thought it was crazy, but by the end of it, by the end of it, everybody was like, shit, you're right. Like, I'm starting over again. Like, now I gotta lose 10 pounds. I have to go buy clothes. Like, it was funny that I was like-

• 38:18Ashley Hesseltine?

  You're like, I stay ready, so I don't have to get ready.

• 38:20Rayna Greenberg?

  I was ready for this pandemic then. Since the day it started, I've been ready.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  Okay, so I was born ready.

• 38:24Ashley Hesseltine?

  I do want to talk about the jewelry. I love, like, I don't even know where to start. Like, I wouldn't know where to start with this, like, amount-

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Just go upstairs and put on everything.

• 38:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it doesn't look, like, it's, still looks style.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Because there's one color.

• 38:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Do you just go for it?

• 38:39Speaker 02

  I do go for it. So it is something that, yes, they have piled on like throughout the years. Now it's become crazy because I love supporting women and a lot of, all of this is all women designers.

• 38:51Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love that.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  All women or women jewelry.

• 38:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  You are walking.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Literally a walking.

• 38:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Billboard for women jewelry.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  So I started just kind of collecting and then as I started, I started making more friends, friends who are jewelers. And I love jewelry. I just think it's the most incredible investment. Like to me, that's never a trend. Anything that you can make money on, I don't, I think is worth it. I think it's an investment. So like you can always resell a bag. You can always resell some jewelry. Property, whatever. So love jewelry. I've always worn a lot of it. My dad always wore tons of necklaces. My mom loves the jewelry. My sister wears nothing, doesn't like any of it. Doesn't wear, she does not wear makeup. Reject it, all of us. Me, throw every piece I can get my hands on. I'm like, we're gonna die at some point. I'm not taking it with me. I don't know why it's sitting in a closet. I don't know why these beautiful things that I've like, you know, spent my money on.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  Why wouldn't I wear and enjoy it? And yes, is it too much? Yes. But I'm always like, you know, I just don't.

• 39:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just, I just love it.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  You, I'm like, she's wearing jeans and a blazer. Like, I could do this. Like, I could, but like, I can't do this.

• 39:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  But yes, you can. We're gonna fucking force you into this. But the jewelry is like, this is a friend of ours and she's been on the show too. She's a stylist, Lily and Charles. She's amazing. And she's so big on the jewelry and how it changes your whole look and your outfit.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  It's like armor to me.

• 40:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, that's what she says. Yeah.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  It makes me so happy. And when this comes off, I miss it. It's weird. Like a day or two where I'll really try. I'll have like one necklace on. I'm like, this is cute.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  You know, this is very delicate. And then I'm like, fuck this. I start piling them back on. I like, love it. I weirdly, it does make me happy.

• 40:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  You inspire me. I need to do more. Yeah.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Wear all your mom's stuff.

• 40:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  She makes fun of me because I have so much jewelry. I'm like, this is how I miss myself.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  But you need to like, just put it all on. It's great conversation piece. Somebody will always ask you about it. Like, so people who are shy, I always say, put on some jewelry. People always ask you about it. For real. They do. Like any restaurant, as much as I will be like, this might, you know, like you always, of course, your kids and this, I don't care anymore. But other people, you know, of course, people love to tell you you're too much. And I'm always like, well then, please go find less respectfully.

• 41:00Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes. Like ma'am, this is a Wendy's.

• 41:02Speaker 02

  This is me.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  I'm like, come on. We're having fun. I'm like, life's too short. I think everyone's taking everything just too seriously and like, no one's having fun anymore.

• 41:14Rayna Greenberg?

  Do you know what I like about this? And we asked our audience, you know, what do you want to talk about in terms of feeling confident? And people said, like, I feel invisible as I get older, you know? And I'm almost 40 and I live in LA. It's not, I'm not blind to the fact that everybody running around me is these 25 year old little models. And sometimes I walk into a bar and it's just, it's a different experience than it used to be for me. And it's probably in my head, but I'm just like, men don't want to talk to me as much. They want to talk to these 25 year old girls. And I don't feel invisible and I like myself and I'm very happy with myself. But it can make you be like, am I invisible to people? But like, you've sort of gone the opposite route and like, refused to be invisible.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Literally. And I love that you said that because that's the most DMs that we get. It is women saying that as they become moms and wives especially, they become invisible. And it's like, you do, you become the caretaker.

• 42:02Rayna Greenberg?

  Well, and losing your identity.

• 42:03Speaker 02

  Completely lose your identity. You, you start to look different because of course you've gone through pregnancies. You don't feel like yourself. Now you're walking past the mirror. You don't really recognize yourself. You're there, you don't get any sleep, you're exhausted, you're anxious. You are doing, you know, most moms, like at the end of the day are doing mostly everything for everyone. And you do start to lose yourself. Like I'm somebody who was so independent and I fell trapped too. Because with no sleep, no help, and feeling like the world's responsibilities are on your shoulders because no one tells you the truth. No one tells you how hard it is to be married. No one tells you how hard it is to have kids. As beautiful as it is, it's fucking hard and nobody prepares you for that. So for me, it was always like, I need to find myself again.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  Like, it's so easy to lose yourself in 24/7 taking care of children. And why do women feel lost when the kids leave? Empty nest syndrome? Because all you have done is take care of everyone. And you don't even, you walk past that mirror, you don't recognize yourself anymore. You don't even know who you are, what you like. You look different, you feel different and you haven't done anything. And what people think 18 years you've been raising kids, but that's not considered a job to anybody. So women do feel invisible. They do feel completely lost. And I'm always here to say like, you're not lost. You're not starting from scratch, you're starting from experience. You really are. Like, the experience that I have, again, the zero fucks. I have so many boundaries now. Like, with my own family, I have boundaries.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  With my husband, with my kids, with my parents. Like, when you start to realize that your life, your time, how you feel is just as important as how everybody else feels. Because I'm always like, I get that you want to take care of your kids and your husband. That's great. You want them to be happy, but you're supposed to be happy too. There isn't a, it's them and not you. You're supposed to be happy too. So for me, finding confidence in that again, is you have to ask for help. Like, I think women, we've gotten on these high horses that, like, we have to do it all, which is all great, but there is this thing of like, the second you do it all, you're coming home to do it all too. So are we really supposed to be not having a second for ourselves? We're not allowed to get dressed anymore, we're not allowed to do like, any hobbies we loved, or see friends, or have fun?

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Yes, you are supposed to do those things. And I think that's what gives you the confidence back, is reminding yourself of who you were before life took you down. Because like, we all remember who we were in our twenties and thirties, and what we liked, and how we looked. And I'm always like, just think back to that, and start bringing a little of that back in.

• 44:26Ashley Hesseltine?

  The most successful people will tell you it's because the team they built around them, or the people they asked for help from, recognizing people are smarter than you, and better than you, and then bringing them in to help. You know, I just think it's the biggest thing, that like, that's a whole reason why you're able to scale a business. And we're not necessarily talking about business here when it comes to that, but it applies to everywhere else of asking for help.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Absolutely. But I always think, don't forget that you are, I think women forget how capable they are, how smart, like, you can do hard things, you are so strong. And I think it's funny, because my mom used to always say, I'm so stupid, or I don't know how to do... Meanwhile, she made every huge decision in our house. She really did. Like, she's the one who got the house, this, made every important decision. But she never felt smart, she felt like she didn't know how to do anything. And I'm always like, but we know how to do everything. And you are way smarter than you think.

• 45:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  You've got to get started. Like, it has to start with you, then the help comes in. But yes, I think having a good team, like what we talked about, picking a good partner. I think women are always rushing to the end. I don't know why anyone's rushing to the end. Marriage and kids are so fucking hard. Like, travel, be an interesting person, you know? Like, make money, know how to take care of yourself. All of those things bring you confidence. I think what takes away women's confidence is they start depending on the man. And then all of a sudden, all of your independence starts to go.

• 45:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm.

• 45:46Speaker 02

  Once you're not making the money, you lose control, you lose power.

• 45:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, being in a relationship, no matter what the financial dynamic is, if it's a bad relationship, you just start to doubt your whole self-worth, value, decisions, all the things like.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  Especially if you want him to pay, you know, if he's paying for things like.

• 46:04Ashley Hesseltine?

  On top of that, totally.

• 46:05Speaker 02

  You dumb down a bit, you like silence your voice a bit, you have to give in more. So you start seeing women kind of lose a little bit of themselves. Great. It's like, I watched my mom do it. I've watched friends do it. And then you kind of wonder why, why do women feel lost? Because you don't know where the money is. I have a friend that just said, like, I could never get a job. I haven't worked in like 18 years. And I was like, but you were the producer of some bit like, you're so smart. What do you mean you can't get a job? But we get put in this position of as if when we get older, we're useless. Actually, we're couldn't be smarter. We are multitaskers. We know how to handle so much stress. And like, we're actually at our best selves. And yet we think we're nothing.

• 46:44Ashley Hesseltine?

  Moms who are like running a household, kids. I mean, watch what my sister-in-law does. I'm like, anyone should hire her to do anything because the amount of multitasking and stress and able to stay calm in the all this like chaos.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  No, people were saying that like you should be hiring moms for everything. Cause they're like, you know, they say moms, they don't hire because they don't have any skill sets. I'm like, they have every fucking.

• 47:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Skill sets.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Skill sets.

• 47:08Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, I feel like there's jobs that like a mother who's raised children, even stay at home, running a household, all that kind of stuff. And like, put her in some high-stress job. She'd be like, this is fucking.

• 47:16Speaker 02

  This is nothing.

• 47:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Child's play.

• 47:18Speaker 02

  She'd be like, listen, you sit down. She'd be like, everyone shut the fuck up. This is what we're doing. But it's true. And it's like, women, again, they lose the sense of confidence, but it's there.

• 47:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Cause they don't have like the resume. I get where they're like, I'm not qualified. I haven't done this type of work in this many years. So it's like, I get the fear, but I like personally feel like believe in your skill set of what you've.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Always. And everything you've done. And the truth is, we live in a world now that you have YouTube, you have Google.

• 47:45Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  You can learn anything, like literally, it's all at your fingertips. So you actually can go do it.

• 47:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  Nothing's stopping you.

• 47:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Totally.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  Except for your own self doubt. Like it is, it's all this fear that we put in ourselves and sometimes your partner. Because again, no one wants boundaries. Sometimes the husband and the kids don't want you to be doing anything because you're catering to them.

• 48:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  My God, how inconvenient is your boundaries to everybody?

• 48:08Speaker 02

  Exactly. When everyone's not getting what they want, of course, it makes it hard. You know, they may not make it hard, but you are the most important person. I honestly think that you putting your oxygen mask on first every single morning. Genuinely, they say it on every fucking plane.

• 48:22Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  And yet, women don't listen. Moms don't listen. And it's like, it isn't selfish to take care of yourself. Like self-care is not selfish, like genuinely. It is your oxygen mask. And if you're not taking care of yourself, like how are you taking care of everyone else?

• 48:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  Uh huh. And to me, when you look like shit, you kind of feel like shit.

• 48:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Mm hmm. Yeah.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  And I'm like, why are we setting that example? And why are we normalizing women not having the time for themselves?

• 48:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  Right?

• 48:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay, we're just gonna take a quick break. Okay, Raina, question for you. How would you feel if you lost your libido?

• 48:54Speaker 02

  My sex drive, is that like a serious question? I'd never recover.

• 48:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  I know, right? Well, the fact is, millions of pre-menopausal women are frustrated because they lost their libido. But we're here to let you know that there's a treatment called ADDY that is clinically proven to boost libido in certain pre-menopausal women. And this isn't some sketchy gas station pill. It's FDA approved. Talk to your doctor to see if ADDY is right for you. And again, it is clinically proven.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  I love that women have this option.

• 49:21Ashley Hesseltine?

  Same. You can go learn more at addyi.com. That is A-D-D-Y-I dot com. ADDY, or Fluvanserin, is for pre-menopausal women with acquired generalized hypoactive sexual desire disorder, HSDD, who have not had problems with low sexual desire in the past, who have low sexual desire no matter the type of sexual activity, the situation, or the sexual partner. The low sexual desire is troubling to them and is not

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Due to a medical or mental health problem, problems in the relationship, or medicine or other drug use. Addy is not for use in men or to enhance sexual performance. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is increased if you drink one to two standard alcoholic drinks close in time to your Addy dose. Wait at least two hours after drinking before taking Addy at bedtime. Your risk of severe low blood pressure and fainting is also increased if you take certain prescriptions, over the counter or herbal medications, or have liver problems. Low blood pressure and fainting can happen when you take Addy, even if you don't drink alcohol or take other medicines. Do not take if you are allergic to any of the ingredients in Addy. Allergic reactions may include hives, itching, or trouble breathing. Sleepiness, sometimes serious, can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide, including boxed warning, at addyi.com/PI,

• 50:27Speaker 03

  or call 844-PINK-PILL. Addy.

• 50:30Rayna Greenberg?

  That is A-D-D-Y-I dot com. Okay, so we are back into it. I understand the pressure, though. I mean, my dad was great. He was involved. He was down the street. But my mom was like the Monday through Friday mom. She was a single parent. We didn't have a ton of money. There wasn't like get up and look good in the morning for her. Like, that wasn't really an option. But I do think she would have been happier if one hour per week, she would have just gone and done something for herself. And I really, I'm not a mom, so I don't, I don't even know how hard that must be. Because like, yeah, it's easy for me to look at people and be like, just take an hour for yourself once a week. Who cares? Get a manicure. But like, how hard really is that? Like, you had to ask your husband, I guess, for help. And you had to say, like, I need to be happy first also. So like, was there like a breaking point for you where you're like, hard stop, need some me time sometimes?

• 51:16Speaker 02

  It really was. The real breaking point was a phone call. Like, my husband was working, literally traveling Sunday to Thursday, Monday to Friday. I'm with two kids under the age of two, fucking, you know, literally 41 years old. I was like, I'm fucking exhausted.

• 51:30Rayna Greenberg?

  No, stop. That just made me feel hot.

• 51:32Speaker 02

  Yes, like, honestly, I was like, what?

• 51:35Rayna Greenberg?

  I'm 41, and that's what my brother has. And to think of the two together.

• 51:38Speaker 02

  Imagine. What, back to back? Like, I was like this. I was like, what have I done? I was like, this is crazy. I was like, John's never home. We can't afford any help. Like, you know, my parents were like, good luck. You know, my parents were like, you don't want to marry the money, so. I was like touche, my friend. I was like, you got me. But what was interesting was, that's the truth. She wasn't wrong, but we were able to build it later. But it's true. Like in that moment, you're like, fuck, I want the night nurse. I want the, you know, like you're like, how does anyone do this? It is fucking scary. You, no one tells you the truth and you don't have time. Like when you're that overwhelmed, you don't have time when you haven't slept. Right.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  I know for me, it was like, I got this phone call. My mom is hysterically screaming, crying. And she's like, your dad has Alzheimer's. He's been diagnosed because, you know, we had said like, he seems off. The last two times I had visited, like he was forgetting things, repeating things. Bottom line, two years of taxes haven't been paid. Money is missing. She has no idea where anything is. She's hysterical and she's like, you have to take care of us. Now it's on you. Cause no one speaks to my sister. She's like, you're in charge. And I just remember being like, I have a kid on the floor, a kid on my thing. I'm like this, like I was like, my hands started shaking and I was like, mom, I don't understand. Like, what do you mean? And she was just like, I don't know where anything is. I don't know what to do. You have to take care of us. I was like, I have to call you back. I was like, I've got to call you back. And so I just remember being like, you know, when you're just like frozen.

• 53:04Speaker 02

  It was this crazy, like light bulb. I don't, no one prepares you for your parents to become children. Yes. I'm telling you ladies right now, the sandwich years are the hardest years. And literally I just got off the phone with her. I was like, I have to call you back. And I walked past the mirror and I'm being dead serious. This is where the whole mirror thing came from, really? Because I walked past the mirror and I think when we're not feeling our best selves, I think we do avoid the mirror. I don't think we like to look at ourselves because we have to face it. You know, when you catch a glimpse and you're like, oh, fuck. I just remember seeing myself stopped and I will never forget this voice being like, what happened to you? And just being like, what happened to Caroline? Like you used to be dressed, smiling. You swore you would never become this.

• 53:47Speaker 02

  Like you look like shit. You feel like shit and you're not doing shit. Bottom line. And I was like, I don't want to end up like my mother. I was like, do I know where the money is right now? I was like, I have literally fallen trapped to everything I said I wouldn't do because nobody prepares you or warns you. So you do start, you're never sleeping. You're with the kids 24 seven. You want to be the perfect mom. So you're trying to do everything. Nobody warns you what a toll it takes on you. You become dependent on your husband. All of a sudden I'm like, wait, now he's making all the money. Like I don't have a say. Like what is happening? And I just remember in that moment, I literally looked in the mirror. In third person was like, I'm gonna bring you back. I was like, I'm bringing Caroline back. If it's the last fucking thing I do. I was like, we're getting up, we're getting dressed.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  I was like, I literally was like, John, I was like, you have to come up here. He's like, fuck, what? And I was like, I need help. I was like, I honestly need help. I was like, I've stopped working out. I was like, I, I'm not doing anything I love. I was like, I don't feel like my best self. I'm not happy. I was like, I just don't feel happy. And he was like, we're on it. Like, what do we have to do? So I was like, just two days a week. I just, I was like, when did I stop doing things? And something as stupid as tennis, I'm gonna say it, sound like a douchebag.

• 54:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  No.

• 54:56Speaker 02

  But it was one of those things, like, I always played tennis growing up, taught tennis, like, loved tennis. Stop playing, right? I don't know, because I became a mom and a wife, I guess. Like, you're not allowed to do fun things. And my friends were starting to do tennis lessons. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna join tennis. And he was like, what? And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna play tennis again. I used to love tennis. And he's like, okay, like, I guess go play tennis. One year of playing once a week, getting time with my girlfriends. It was medicine. Like, forget the fucking tennis lesson. It was worth every penny. Didn't get my Starbucks, put the money towards the tennis lesson, got a workout in, got some movement in, got to see a friend, and I got out of my house, and I did something that I used to love, got really good again. And I remember being like, I will never forget that moment of like, why did I stop playing? And so that kind of is like, why did I stop getting dressed?

• 55:41Speaker 02

  Why did I stop wearing my jewelry? Because I'm a mom? Or like, because I'm getting older? So it was that little bit, that moment was like, I'm bringing you back to life.

• 55:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  I love this story.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  And that literally was, I started getting up and getting dressed every single day. It's been almost nine years now.

• 55:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  So I can honestly tell you, from sitting on that couch in my living room, waiting for pickup, bored out of my mind, thinking that life was over, watching the Today Show, watching them on the, you know, being like, this is it, to literally being on the Today Show on the couch.

• 56:14Ashley Hesseltine?

  Oh, my gosh, love it.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  Literally, and being like, it just shows you that I was sitting at home, I had no skills, I hadn't worked, I never opened my computer. I got on YouTube, I Googled, I read articles, I got on Instagram, I took a fucking photo, and you just persist. You just keep persisting, you keep getting up, just commit to yourself. And it wasn't like I had any idea of where it was going. I just wanted to feel good again.

• 56:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wow.

• 56:40Rayna Greenberg?

  I love this story.

• 56:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, me too.

• 56:42Rayna Greenberg?

  And when you look back and you say like, why did I stop doing all these things? Did you just assume like, well, I'm better at being a mom than my partner is at being a parent. And so I have to forego things to be the parent.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  You know, I feel like, number one, I feel like my parents were so not involved. I felt the need to be really involved.

• 56:59Rayna Greenberg?

  The one that was involved.

• 57:00Speaker 02

  I really felt like I didn't wait this long to have kids to, you know, not be there. And I went over the top. And I think the greatest advice I can give to young moms, you don't have to be at everything. You don't have to be everywhere all the time doing it all. I can promise you, your kids want to see you happy. They want to see like a mom that's in a good mood, that's smiling, that's looking good, that's taking care of herself, that's not selfish. And I think that's where moms go wrong. It's that you feel like you have to do it all to be a good mom. And I think a really good mom is a mom that takes care of herself.

• 57:32Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I, I love that sentiment. My parents were always there, but they weren't at everything. And my mom was always, had her lipstick on and had her nails done. I just remember always looking at her like turquoise and silver jewelry and her pretty nails and her hands and just, yeah, if her lipstick was on, like we were talking about earlier, like something's wrong.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Something's wrong, right?

• 57:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  Is that crazy? She wasn't like some glamazon. She was a teacher, you know, but it was just kind of like,

• 57:55Rayna Greenberg?

  put herself together.

• 57:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  I had friends that's mom was at everything, every single game. Not that I was a good athlete, but I had, I played and I was there.

• 58:03Rayna Greenberg?

  Participation trophy. That was me.

• 58:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  But they came sometimes, like I never, like I never felt like they weren't around and supportive of me, but I think they realized we can't go to everything. We have two kids, they both are doing stuff, you know, and I wasn't wanting what those other kids had, but I remember even knowing the distinction of like, oh, your, your parents are here all the time. I don't even want my parents here all the time, you know, like.

• 58:25Speaker 02

  And you know what I think also, it's like, I think that, I don't know if we put that on pressure on ourselves of like, you know, do you, it's like, it fills a void, I think, like I. What I noticed with a lot of moms, like with that empty nest, is that like, this was your whole life. Like, mom was the title. And I think we just have, we forget that women are so much more than just moms. Like, we're wife, or mom, or daughter, but you're also like you. And I think that's what, I think women just think that like, you become a mom, and that's, you have to go all in. And I just don't think that's true. And I think that might be true for some people. It wasn't for me. Like, I went all in thinking that's what would make me happy, and it really just didn't. And I know I got a little backlash on that. Like, I didn't enjoy the playdates at my house. Like, I didn't love having to take care of other people's kids.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  And, you know, I didn't love all the things I thought I would love. And then I felt guilty for not loving it, or feel like, oh, does that mean I don't love being a mom? I don't love being there. It's like, no, I love being there. I love being there with him when it's important to them. But I also like doing things that fulfill me. And I don't think that's selfish. And I think for some reason, women, it's like their entire lives take over, and you forget that the kids are gonna leave.

• 59:33Ashley Hesseltine?

  But that's, like, also, that's just a projection. If that's okay for them too.

• 59:38Speaker 02

  Yes, if that's, it makes you happy.

• 59:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  People are just born to do it. They love everything about it.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  Agreed.

• 59:43Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yes, would worry when the kids leave, for sure.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  Because what now?

• 59:46Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 59:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  But like, I hate when people just judge others.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  Agreed.

• 59:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  The mom shaming, the parenting judging. It's just like, why can't we understand we're all built different?

• 59:56Speaker 02

  We are. And listen, I think we're all great moms. Like you said, we're all, but we're all so different. And some people, and I'm always like, if you are genuinely happy.

• 1:00:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Like, I have moms, yes, they're looking in the mirror, they're genuinely happy. And I'm like, that's amazing. Like, go in, all in, that's great. But there's so many in this like, dark gray area. And I think that's where it's like, that we shame, we also shame women for not being happy. If you have the nice car, if you've got the nice house. And it's like, there's a lot of women that are unhappy at home.

• 1:00:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:00:24Speaker 02

  That it isn't about the money and the cars and all of that. It's like, they're just, again, not fulfilled.

• 1:00:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  Or just a little bit bored. Not everybody wants to go to my gym every, like, for me. Some moms loved it. I personally, I loved being with him, but like, it got, it got old. Like, I was kind of like, I don't know how long I can do this. It's true. Like, I was like, I love playing with them, the way going to things, taking them out. I personally didn't love like what other moms loved. And that's what I had to admit to myself.

• 1:00:51Rayna Greenberg?

  I like that. I've never heard a mother say like, I didn't really love having the other people's kids at my house. Like, I don't think I would enjoy that.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  No, I'm not kidding. I got so much shit for that. I got so much shit. I got like, literally, I think there was like death threats on this comment. And I'm like, I didn't say I didn't love my kids or love kids. I was like, I, there were kids throwing, yeah, my, there was kids throwing trash on my floor. And I was a little bit of like, what I realized is that we all parent differently. And I don't want to have to parent your kid. Cause like, we are a little bit strict. We're all about manners. So for me, it was kind of like, oh, this is, I know what, like, the kids that are running around screaming, throwing things on my roof. I was like, we're done. Like, I'm not into this.

• 1:01:30Rayna Greenberg?

  I would have been about it. Like, that like, I'm parenting differently than you are. And so your kids come over and I want your kids to like, clean up in a certain way. And like, am I allowed to ask that? Because you're gonna go home and tell your parents that, like I said, there's not gonna be a phone call from the parents.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  Apparently, you're not. I got so much shit that apparently you're not allowed to say, you don't like playdates, or you don't like kids at your house.

• 1:01:51Rayna Greenberg?

  But it's exactly what you said. I don't parent like you parent.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, people, some people are lying to themselves. If you want 20 kids at your house, running around screaming and throwing, like, that's great. And if you love, again, if you love it, amazing. I honestly thought I would. I thought I was like, I want to have all the kids at my house. And maybe, maybe high school, that might be the case. The little kids, I want to be the cool mom, to a point.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Except for the fucking nudes that we're getting now. But at that point, there is something where I'm like, it just doesn't suit my personality. I'm nice to all the kids. I'm not a bitch. Like, I am, everyone's welcome. You know what I mean? But we don't, we don't love it.

• 1:02:32Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah, shame is so aggressive to me. And I don't know that it doesn't benefit anybody to be like, I can't believe you. It's just like, what works for you is great. And what you're good at is great. And I'm proud of you. And I'm happy for you. This can feel like it's not enough for me. I could feel like I want to get the fuck away from my husband and my kids and admit that out loud, a few hours a week. Like, what is so wrong with that?

• 1:02:53Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:02:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Says the person without kids.

• 1:02:55Speaker 02

  I just think, it makes people uncomfortable.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  I mean, trust me, I always say, wait, I'm always saying, wait, because it is hard. And I think that's the kind of thing that like, you have to be honest with yourself and have some sort of understanding of what you're getting yourself into and the commitment it is. And all the fucking other people you have to deal with. Once you have kids, like schools and all the moms and all the sports and all, you know, it is a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot of personalities.

• 1:03:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  And that's why I like doing my own thing.

• 1:03:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, we love it. We love the message. Should we pivot to some?

• 1:03:28Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah. So like nine years ago, you were just like, I'm fucking doing this. I'm getting off the couch and I'm wearing outfits and.

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, I'm gonna dress up again.

• 1:03:36Rayna Greenberg?

  You really, I mean, your Instagram is fantastic and I love scrolling it. You have so many good tips about just looking great and feeling great and then doing great. But yeah, I want to talk about your happy tools and fashion and getting dressed. And maybe we could just start with like finding your personal style. Like, how does anybody like, today is the day I get dressed. What do I do?

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  Today's the day.

• 1:03:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  You know what? I always say, I would keep it simple. For when you're just starting out, I think trying crazy trends will freak you out. It might not look right on you or suit you. So it's like, I think you'll, you just will give up. So I'm always like, start small, start simple. So I'm always like, start with a jeans and a T-shirt or start with like, what you know, feels good on you. Cause we, again, like you said, we're all different. Obviously I like the oversized look. I love baggy everything. So again, it's also having a little like truth talk with yourself of like, what do you feel good in? Even if it's sweats, find a cute pair of sweats. Like find that matching set that's like super, super cute. Get those staples in your closets. Like for me, that crisp white button down, you know, that super cozy sweatshirt that you love, you know, that one black blazer things. Again, that's like kind of a uniform.

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  Cause I think that once you've got the uniform, then you can start having fun with it. And I always start with like accessories, I think are super fun to have like that pop of color, like fun colored sunnies or like the animal print shoe or the jewelry. Like I have so many fun, like faux pieces of jewelry that you can just throw on the bangles, the hoop earrings. I always say, just start small, start simple jeans, white button down, white T-shirt, great little bomber jacket. Or a little like leather jacket, motorcycle jacket, pair of hoops. You're good. Black blazer. You're good. You're dressed. Matching set. You're dressed. On a cute pair of sneakers. Doesn't have to be like the big running sneaker. Like get a cute pair of vans. Get a cute pair, you know, again, there's so many affordable now like Dolce Vita.

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  You know, they all are like kind of copying great looking shoes. I love Golden Goose. I love Sambas. I'm a huge Sambas collector, obsessed. So little things like that, that you can add little pops. Then you start playing with it because you will start to know when you look in the mirror, like there's certain things that make you feel confident. You start to like, kind of feel like, oh, that's cute on me. Like, and you start to, I think, play with those things. Cause to dress exactly like me. No, you might not feel comfortable in that just yet. You know what I mean? I'm not saying you won't, because I think you will. Cause I think everyone can start having fun. I see women now at events. Blown away, like the jewels, the outfits. I am like dying when I see people saying like, they haven't gotten dressed in years and they look fucking fabulous, like for real. So it's getting that pair of jeans that you're comfortable in.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  Find that pair. Try them all on. Like, don't be afraid. Get them a little bit bigger. If you've gained some weight from motherhood or just from life. Stop beating yourself up. Like, get the bigger size. I am all about, like, wear what you love, because then you'll actually wear it, have it be comfortable. When you're trying to squeeze it on, you're gonna give up and put on the sweat pant or the legging. If things don't fit you and they don't look right. I, when I was pregnant, I got everything I loved, but in bigger sizes. Like, you don't have to go for the frumpy look because you're feeling frumpy or because you're pregnant or because. Like, those are all just excuses. You can look fabulous in any stage. You don't have to dress for what you're, you know what I mean? What's happening in your life. So I think keeping things simple is the greatest way to start, knowing what feels comfortable on you. So you actually do it.

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  Get the size that fits you, so you'll actually wear it. And then the accessories and the shoes, the bag, that's where you start having fun. From there, then you can start adding some color.

• 1:07:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  Well, I also like the trend conversation because I just feel like anything goes. People get too obsessed with trends, like even what jeans are trendy, all of them. I see them all. They're all like the front page of Revolve, all the new jeans. There's every single style you can imagine. You can do the bag, you can do a bootcut, you can do a flare. You can still stick a skinny jean into your riding boot if you want to. You know, like it's just, don't get bogged down and like, well, what's trendy? It's just like, yeah, I mean, I like uniforms. You see all the most successful people do have uniforms of like, you know what looks good. You know what fits good. And that's what you like, you have to have that in your closet. So wherever you need to be or you need to go or something that's important to you, you know what to grab.

• 1:07:47Rayna Greenberg?

  But I look at your outfit and I'm like, this is attainable. It's a pair of jeans, it's a tee shirt, it's a blazer. And there's a huge difference between wearing something and styling it, of course. But everybody has those three things in their closet. One blazer, one tee shirt, one pair of jeans.

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  Like Levi's vintage, like go to your, any of your vintage stores. Like I'm telling you, check out Wasteland, check out, if you're in LA, whether it's Poshmark, Crossroads. Look for your, those denim, you can find great finds of like great Levi's. I have great vintage stores of you guys online that I think just a great pair of Levi's goes a really long way. Even on Amazon, you can find Levi's. Do you know what I'm saying? Like anywhere. So my point is just grab a pair that fit you, that feel good. A blazer, I personally love blazers with nothing underneath. I think it's a quick way to style something, make it a little sexier, a little dressier. I literally grabbed a pin, this is a pin that goes on your blazer. And I just pinned it as the button. Cause there's no button.

• 1:08:38Rayna Greenberg?

  Fabulous.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  Right? So it's just like a little velvet pin.

• 1:08:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's perfect.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  And it's perfect. This is like a tuxedo style blazer. So I like that it didn't have a collar. I like that it's like a little bit different, but it's still just a blazer.

• 1:08:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  And I love like a blazer with like shorts and a high boot to go out. And like, I feel like I started doing that and I'm like, I'm going to do more of this. I'm going to get another blazer in another color. I'm going to get more shorts in this color. Like this is, I'm not going to wear this out every weekend, but this is where I feel hot and sexy. And if I have a different version of this outfit every weekend, who gives a fuck?

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:09:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  This is my look.

• 1:09:07Rayna Greenberg?

  A black leather shorts and a boot. You have 50 tops you can throw on with that. That is an asset forever until the end of time.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  And I'm like, you can wear that every day.

• 1:09:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:09:16Speaker 02

  Like, to me, it was kind of like, I found things that like, because people are, do you really wear that? I'm like, yes, I'm a pickup like this. Like, I really do walk in. And the truth is, I feel good. Like, I used to think everybody was staring and like, talking shit. And it's funny, I think I felt the insecurity. And now, I actually only hear compliments and I only hear like, oh, that's great, I love your outfit. And it's funny, I think, because I don't give a shit anymore. Like, there could be people talking shit, making fun, but like, I don't see it or hear it. It's funny, at the beginning, I felt more like people were staring or this and that. And I think when you're not comfortable with yourself, you think all of these things.

• 1:09:50Rayna Greenberg?

  It's so funny, staring at what?

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  No idea. Like, when I first started all of this, I got so much shit. And the moms would sit in a fucking circle, all like whispering, staring at me. Like, it was awful.

• 1:10:02Rayna Greenberg?

  What, like, who does she think she is?

• 1:10:03Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm sure. Like, oh, I'm looking at her taking a photo for her stupid outfit. Like, God only knows, you know what I mean? Like, her stupid jewelry. Like, who cares? Oh, I can only imagine what was being said.

• 1:10:14Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I love that you brought that up, because I, so I left a job in tech, I became a food blogger, and everybody was like, oh, look at her taking a photo of her stupid fucking food. I grew a huge account, I went on an influencer trip, I met Ashley, we started this podcast. So, look at me, taking my stupid fucking photos and my stupid fucking food. I also quit a job at Amazon in tech to go do that full time.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  Good for you.

• 1:10:34Rayna Greenberg?

  I mean, it's just, it's the ultimate, like, I don't care what you think about me, I'm just gonna do this.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  Well, and everybody makes fun of you until it's successful, and then everyone's like, how'd you do it? And they're like, what'd you do? Because now everyone's like, everyone's calling for help. Which is fascinating. But at the beginning, it was like, even husbands would make fun. Like, husbands would be like, oh, is that your Instagram? And I was like, is your wife making any money? Because I am.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  So I was like, I'm bringing happy back.

• 1:10:57Rayna Greenberg?

  Okay.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  We're bringing success back. We're bringing fucking looking good back. I was like, I'm done. I was like, I'm officially done.

• 1:11:05Rayna Greenberg?

  I just, I really do feel for people that feel like they don't have time for that, of course, or the money for it. I like, you know, or the partner, my mom didn't have that partner that could help. There was no, like, get dressed before school. But like, I like that you say there are cheaper ways to do this, there's easier ways.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  Alison, I know so many people who really, like, they do their nails at home. They do, like, at night. Like, I do stay up till three in the morning sometimes. Doing something that I need to do like when it's important to you, I do feel like we go out of our way. And I do feel like, you know, I have set my alarm at five o'clock to get that workout in before school like I did. I was getting up at five, I would get my workout and be fully dressed and showered before drop off, which is crazy, but it worked for me like I needed it for me. So there are things like I drink my coffee at home. I don't buy Starbucks and buy all that like I do invest in different things. Like I work out at home, online, I go for a walk. I just try to get some movement in, you know, gratitude. But again, I do think there are ways I there's so much affordable shopping.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  Like there is ways of I never want a woman to feel like she can't have what that celebrity has. I think that, you know, this thing of like, everything's unattainable now. I feel like things are attainable and I feel like with incredible affordable fashion, you really could like, I think you can look head to toe, absolutely gorgeous, under a hundred dollars.

• 1:12:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:12:18Speaker 02

  Under fifty dollars, to be honest with you. And again, it's that little bit. And I agree, there are some women really struggling out there and it's not easy to be a mom. It is not easy to be the breadwinner. It is not easy.

• 1:12:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:12:30Speaker 02

  But I will say even a thirty minutes earlier in the morning, I will say will make a huge difference in your mental health. I do.

• 1:12:38Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And I think like, I wonder how you feel about this, like just the smallest tweaks, even like sweatpants to leggings. I mean, like, because I work, you know, we work from home and of course I get dressed up to come record. But like, I am tempted a lot of mornings to do the baggiest sweatpants. But if I actually do just my Lulu leggings with a cropped sweatshirt, like it's still athleisure and it's still as comfortable. It's just, I don't feel like as sloppy, which we all love sweatpants, but it's just taking little things like up a notch like.

• 1:13:08Speaker 02

  Just one take, even just throwing the hoops in, forget even where your, wear the sweat suit and just start putting on some gold hoops and like some fun sunglasses.

• 1:13:16Ashley Hesseltine?

  But it's just like, you can even elevate that comfy clothes because some moms are like, I'm not going to wear jeans. I'm a stay at home mom, you know, it's just like, but you can feel a little better in your comfy clothes, you know?

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  But can I ask you a question? If you ask all these moms genuinely, or anyone, do you get dressed up for special occasions? Like if you had something that was important to you, if you had a job interview, like you just. Just said you get dressed to come film, right? Or if you were going on a date, let's say you have a hot date this weekend. Would you like get your hair done or like, you know, zhuzhed up? Would you do makeup? Would you get dressed for it? Like if you are going to something that you think is important, right? So if I told you that like your life was important, right? That you are the special occasion every day, like you just waking up is actually insane. Like people like forget that like it's if you looked at yourself as a special occasion and your life is a special occasion, what would you do for it to show up? And so for me, it was like, if you just look at it that way, it's like just taking that time

• 1:14:11Speaker 02

  that whatever you're doing that day is important. Cause taking care of yourself should be super fucking important. And I think that once you look at it that way, like you're gonna get really dressed up for a total stranger. But like, I'm not gonna look good for my husband, who I've been married to, who I'm hoping we stay married. I'm assuming we're hoping. And you still want him to find you attractive. And again, I think women have responsibility in that. I think you, you know, you let yourself go having kids because it is fucking hard. But it's also your job to be the best version of yourself. The same way I expect John to be the best version of himself. Like when he's in his pajamas or in sweats, he works from home. He always has our entire marriage. And at some point I was like, dude, let's get dressed. Like it's not sexy after a while. It goes both ways.

• 1:14:53Rayna Greenberg?

  Women, get your shit together.

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:14:55Rayna Greenberg?

  One more thing to do now.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  No, it's everyone. Like as a married couple.

• 1:15:00Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, when did we sign the something that said, okay, in 20 years, let's look like complete shit. Let's be not attracted to each other. Let's hate each other and good luck to you. Like the point is you're gonna, you know, you're hoping to keep that relationship going. Rather than when you're out on girls night to hit the bar. That's when you're gonna look fucking fabulous for all the guys at the bar, but not your husband at home. Like to me, I'm kind of like enough bullshit ladies. We all have to make an effort. I think that as we get older, it does get harder and guys.

• 1:15:30Rayna Greenberg?

  You said you both have to like it's I wanna look nice for you, but I expect you to say the same.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  Same. I'm telling you, John, I gotta dress.

• 1:15:37Rayna Greenberg?

  I gotta be the, the, the mother. I gotta be a homemaker and everything. And I gotta look decent too.

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  And blowjobs. Yo, you crazy? Absolutely no blowjobs.

• 1:15:48Ashley Hesseltine?

  Not in those sweatpants.

• 1:15:49Speaker 02

  Draw the limit.

• 1:15:50Ashley Hesseltine?

  We're pretty happy about it, guys.

• 1:15:51Speaker 02

  Guys, not in the sweatpants.

• 1:15:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  Were you ever a blowjober?

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  No, I don't like blowjobs, guys.

• 1:15:55Ashley Hesseltine?

  No, it's not for you?

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  Not for me.

• 1:15:56Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:15:56Speaker 02

  Just putting it out there. Anyone interested? No. Like, no. Absolutely not. I don't know why, to me.

• 1:16:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  Wait, are you like, have you never done it?

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  No, I have.

• 1:16:05Ashley Hesseltine?

  Okay.

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  No, I have. But.

• 1:16:07Ashley Hesseltine?

  But you're just like, oh, that was rough.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  The truth is, I just don't fucking like it.

• 1:16:13Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  And I find it to be somewhat degrading. I don't know, it's not my thing. Like, I don't need to be down in there, please. Like, I feel like, let's have this mutual moment, but it's not my thing.

• 1:16:23Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I, I mean, we've mixed feelings.

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  What is your feelings?

• 1:16:27Rayna Greenberg?

  I love giving blowjobs.

• 1:16:28Speaker 02

  You do?

• 1:16:28Rayna Greenberg?

  I love it so much, but I.

• 1:16:30Speaker 02

  Does it make you feel powerful?

• 1:16:31Rayna Greenberg?

  I feel powerful. I feel like it's so fun. I like love to turn somebody on. I feel like, look at her go, I'm so proud of her. But I actually, I don't really care that much about receiving oral. I just, I've never cared about it. I'm just laying there, like, I don't know what to do with my hands. I don't care.

• 1:16:45Speaker 02

  Wait, what about you?

• 1:16:46Ashley Hesseltine?

  So, it was funny, because when we started the podcast, I was always would just say, blowjobs are for boyfriends. Because I just wasn't giving him out randomly. Like, I was like, we gotta be committed. Like, I am not just sucking dicks all willy-nilly.

• 1:16:57Speaker 02

  Oh, hell no.

• 1:16:58Ashley Hesseltine?

  I just love my fiance and his, and his body, and we do all the things, but it's not.

• 1:17:05Speaker 02

  Talk to me in 18 years.

• 1:17:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  It's not so much, yeah, but I'm not, it's not so frequent. Like, I really enjoy giving him pleasure, but I'm not like, God, I love to suck dick.

• 1:17:14Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:17:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  You know?

• 1:17:19Ashley Hesseltine?

  I don't know, I don't think he thinks I do. Like, I enjoy giving him pleasure.

• 1:17:23Speaker 02

  That I understand, that I get what you're saying.

• 1:17:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  All the time, and he doesn't go down on me all the time either. Like, you know, I've, I've kinda liked that less and less as I've, we just do a bunch of other stuff, you know?

• 1:17:34Speaker 02

  I like this, I like the affection, I like the foreplay, I like the intimacy.

• 1:17:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Same.

• 1:17:40Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? Like, now you hardly have any time. Like, honestly, the kids are running, now they're teenagers, like, now they're joking, like, now it's all a joke. Now it's like, oh my God, like, it's definitely not sexy right now at all.

• 1:17:52Ashley Hesseltine?

  The kids are joking about blowjobs, no more blowjobs.

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, no, it'd be a joke downstairs, it'd be like, that's what she. You said, and I'm like,

• 1:17:58Rayna Greenberg?

  You're like, what?

• 1:17:59Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:17:59Rayna Greenberg?

  Who taught you that?

• 1:18:00Speaker 02

  I'm like, this is, so now it's like you save it for the vacations for sure. Your weekend getaways, but now it's a little bit more like you have to plan or you have to be like, quick, quickie upstairs because it's, my mother lives with us. I'm an eighty six year old mother living with us, caretaker, two dogs, two kids.

• 1:18:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Oh, when she said you're taking care of us, she meant it.

• 1:18:18Speaker 02

  She meant it. She fucking moved right in.

• 1:18:22Rayna Greenberg?

  Like the truck is packed.

• 1:18:23Speaker 02

  Get that mother lousy ready.

• 1:18:25Rayna Greenberg?

  But no, so we have a sex toy company and we sell it.

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:18:29Rayna Greenberg?

  All the stuff, that's ours. That's our company. So we, we developed a blow gel, now a sucking blow gel and it's,

• 1:18:34Speaker 02

  Shut up.

• 1:18:35Rayna Greenberg?

  To make blow jobs more fun.

• 1:18:37Speaker 02

  Try this?

• 1:18:37Rayna Greenberg?

  Yes.

• 1:18:37Speaker 02

  We're gonna send you all the stuff.

• 1:18:38Rayna Greenberg?

  The reason why is because we know a lot of women, like,

• 1:18:40Speaker 02

  Can you drop out the blowjob gel so John doesn't see it?

• 1:18:44Rayna Greenberg?

  Just assume, leave it out.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  Leave out.

• 1:18:47Rayna Greenberg?

  You can take the label off if you want to. That's so funny.

• 1:18:49Speaker 02

  I can't.

• 1:18:49Rayna Greenberg?

  Really can't. But there are a lot of people that are like, one of the things that I think deters people is they're like, I don't enjoy this. Why would I do this?

• 1:18:56Speaker 02

  That's true. And I don't feel good at it.

• 1:18:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I don't feel like I'm good at it. It's not fun for me. I don't want to do this. I'm choking. My eyes are watering. So, we came up with this flavored oral enhancer. It can be on any body part at this point, but it does just like, give you a little bit of pleasure in this. It's a prop.

• 1:19:10Speaker 02

  Right. It's red.

• 1:19:11Rayna Greenberg?

  More watery.

• 1:19:11Speaker 02

  Well, how about a red velvet cupcake? They're like, yeah, I could look on that. Yeah. So it's like, we have like different flavors. We have seasonal flavors. So it's like, we sell the shit out of it. Like when we look at the sales, we're like, we,

• 1:19:21Rayna Greenberg?

  Ladies, I'm intrigued.

• 1:19:23Speaker 02

  You should have fucking started this entire conversation with that. Hold on. And I think what's interesting is that women my age don't talk about it as much.

• 1:19:30Rayna Greenberg?

  Oral or just not wanting it in general?

• 1:19:32Speaker 02

  They don't talk about sex as much. Like, I don't think people share, people talk about it. It's weird. It's like, makes it people uncomfortable. And yet I think women, especially at my age, actually feel more comfortable in their bodies.

• 1:19:43Rayna Greenberg?

  Totally.

• 1:19:43Speaker 02

  And actually feel more comfortable, I think with any of these, like whether it's pleasuring yourself, talking about sex. It's funny though, there is a weird thing that women don't like talking about sex or pleasuring themselves in any way. It's like a taboo subject still.

• 1:19:57Rayna Greenberg?

  I think it's generational. I think that, you know, it becomes more and more the norm. And so people start to grow up talking about this more. I think that like talking about fucking your husband is a little more taboo than your boyfriend. It's like, I'm gonna be with this person forever, hopefully.

• 1:20:11Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 1:20:11Rayna Greenberg?

  I want all the moms to know what my husband's dick looks like. Like, I don't, you know?

• 1:20:14Speaker 02

  That's a good point.

• 1:20:15Rayna Greenberg?

  Like, I think about that at the beginning of a relationship.

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're not sending dick pics of your husband.

• 1:20:19Rayna Greenberg?

  Right. Or like, he just did this crazy thing last night.

• 1:20:21Speaker 02

  When he was a boyfriend, did you? And then he turned into a husband.

• 1:20:25Ashley Hesseltine?

  I think about this a lot because I think about the stuff we used to share in our twenties, or our thirties, and now I'm in my forties. And there is obviously some truth to that of you're like, we're gonna be at dinner with them tomorrow. You know, like, I don't want her knowing how you choked me out last night. It's weird. Our kids play together.

• 1:20:40Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 1:20:40Ashley Hesseltine?

  Like, it's something about that that's gotta make it hit a little different.

• 1:20:44Speaker 02

  And I think once you have kids, too, it is one of those things that like, the conversation just is different. Like, it's just funny that you don't want to think of parents doing that. I don't know.

• 1:20:54Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, you hear, I mean, people's sex lives dwindle the longer you're together. I mean, you hear people, like, in the beginning of a relationship, all of my friends will talk about the person they're fucking, what it's like, what they did. But as the relationship gets more serious, I hear about it less. Of course you do.

• 1:21:06Speaker 02

  And it goes in waves. I got, being married 18 years, there is like, it's hot and heavy, and then you fucking can't stand each other. Then you're like, then he's annoyed at you, then you're annoyed at him. Then all of a sudden, you're like, oh, he's cute. Oh, my God, I forgot how cute he is. And all of a sudden, you're like, he's cute again, and everything's fine. And then all of a sudden, he annoys the living shit out of you. And you're like, I'm getting on the next plane. I'm never coming back. Like, you will go through every emotion. And I think that's why people do walk out too quickly and easily, because it is, it's a range of fucking emotions. And especially when, and then you hit menopause, women become psychopaths, like, they do. I hate to admit it. I'm the first person to say, like, we lose our shit. And it is really hard to understand. And I think men don't understand us. And I think

• 1:21:51Speaker 02

  that's where a lot of divorces happen, to be honest with you.

• 1:21:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  That makes sense.

• 1:21:54Speaker 02

  It does make sense, because you do not feel like yourself.

• 1:21:57Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  It's crazy shit, you guys. But the sex definitely dwindles, and it gets, kinda gets hot again. Then you have kids, dead. Then it kinda gets hot again. Then it kinda dies again. And then I think as the kids get older, and you kinda get your groove back, like, we're kind of in a, like, good zone. We're like, you know, we're having fun, we're traveling, the kids are more independent.

• 1:22:15Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:16Speaker 02

  I think it kinda gets easier again.

• 1:22:17Ashley Hesseltine?

  But I'd love to hear you say that. I think people really need to hear that. And of course, that's not every couple's story. But I think a lot of people are like, this is it. This is the new normal. And that's not true.

• 1:22:28Speaker 02

  It's not true.

• 1:22:28Ashley Hesseltine?

  And certainly, well, it certainly didn't have to be true. And so, to hear you say, like, oh, it dies, and then it comes back to life, and then it goes, it ebbs and Flows like

• 1:22:35Speaker 02

  Even the relationship comes back like where you're so happy and great, you know, like you're super effect, you know what I mean? Where it's so good. And then there's moments like, yeah, we're avoiding each other. And like, yes, it's like edgy and tight. You know what I mean? You're in a bad mood and you're stressed and you're resentful and you're angry. And it's just such a range. And I think people do give up a little too easily because to think it's always going to be perfect for 50 years is insane. Like, we're all living so much longer. Marriages are lasting so much longer that nobody's really prepared for that. And it's like, yeah, it's a fucking journey. And I think the greatest thing for a marriage, both of you being willing to grow and change. Because you're going to.

• 1:23:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  If you guys have those moments where you're like, okay, we're really in it. We're like hating each other, there's resentment building, like, does someone say something? Do you guys do therapy? Do you just communicate really well?

• 1:23:20Speaker 02

  We communicate really well. I, we're brutal. Like, we do have really hard conversations. I will literally be like, I am not feeling like my best self, or I'm feeling like ragey, like, I'm not in a good place. Anything like that, or he's upset about something, I can kind of tell now, like, I know something's brewing. Well, I'd be like, what is it? Like, just say it. We really just have it out now. And it's brutal some days. I have definitely cried, definitely yelled. We didn't speak for 24 hours. But then we always come back. And it's like, we take the time to think about it. I think communication is the number one thing you need in a marriage. Like, friendship, of course, but you can have friends that don't communicate well. You have to communicate. And I think when you realize you don't take things personally all the time, because the truth is, you're gonna hear things you don't want to hear. And

• 1:24:04Speaker 02

  it's so hard. But you're also gonna say things they don't want to hear. And it's like, you kind of have to be willing to grow together. That's what I keep saying, grow, because you do fucking change. You do. And kids change you. Life changes you. Pandemics change you. Losing your job changes you. Life has so many twists and turns. You've got to be willing to grow together. And that communication, I think, is key. No matter how hard it is, you've got to be like, hey, I'm really unhappy right now. Or, hey, I really don't love when you say that or do that. If you don't say it, no one's a mind reader. No one's gonna change unless you fucking say something. Yeah. That's the truth.

• 1:24:39Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah, I love that. I love that. Well, I love that we did talk a little bit about your relationship and got some relationship advice.

• 1:24:44Speaker 02

  Oh, well, I have plenty to say.

• 1:24:48Rayna Greenberg?

  You know, we, I just want to acknowledge, we asked our audience, like, what do you want to talk about in terms of confidence? And we got so many, and women are just dealing with a lot, and there's just so much thrown at them. And we said, like, what makes you feel confident? And so, I mean, people just said so many different things, but a lot of it was like surrounding myself with people that make me feel good about myself, like removing toxic people from my life. So much of like doing something that makes me just feel good, that I'm proud of, that I feel happy about, that I succeeded at, doing something I love, having a tan, spending time with my girlfriends, wearing a fabulous outfit, being in my element, smelling good, having my nails done. By the way, none of this was losing weight, working on my body.

• 1:25:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:30Rayna Greenberg?

  You know?

• 1:25:30Speaker 02

  Because at the end of the day, it's like, what makes you feel good? And it is, it's like, it's really quite simple. And I just remember, like, the getting up and getting dressed, it's just like making your bed. You know, when you're feeling like a little bit out of control, maybe not like your best self, I do think that like one thing that you know you can accomplish, know you can get it done, like if nothing else goes right, at least you look cute. It's like that sentiment of like, just put on that cute outfit, at least you've accomplished that, you can check that off your list. And it is, there's this one thing that once you start doing it, it becomes a habit, right?

• 1:26:01Rayna Greenberg?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:01Speaker 02

  And it's like, you gotta do it every day. You making that effort for you every day is never a waste of time. Like, and I think that women think it's a waste of time and feel guilty, but how is taking care of yourself, when you're the one taking care of everyone else? I can't imagine your husband and your kids don't want to see you happy. Like, the people that say they love you should want to see you happy, should want to see you looking fabulous, like should want to see you doing your best. And if they don't, I think that's a deeper question to ask there.

• 1:26:29Rayna Greenberg?

  Right.

• 1:26:29Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? But the person you should want it most for yourself is you, because like no one's coming to save you. That reflection in the mirror, that's your superhero, that is your knight in shining armor coming. So how do you want that knight in shining armor to look?

• 1:26:41Rayna Greenberg?

  I love that sentiment.

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  Right?

• 1:26:44Rayna Greenberg?

  I know. I love you guys. Um, your Instagram is fabulous. I've been listening to your podcast. I just, I feel like people don't talk a lot about being in their 50s and looking great and prioritizing themselves and like putting on a great outfit. And I think that like, as I get older, I think a lot about feeling invisible or my body changing and things like, I also think I've never looked hotter in my life.

• 1:27:02Ashley Hesseltine?

  You look amazing.

• 1:27:03Rayna Greenberg?

  But I think that we all have a lot of feelings about ourselves as we get older. And I like that you're just really open about it.

• 1:27:09Ashley Hesseltine?

  Thank you.

• 1:27:09Rayna Greenberg?

  So thank you for that.

• 1:27:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah. And just, I'm assuming you kind of abide by the rule of like, you're not ever too old for whatever the fuck it is.

• 1:27:17Speaker 02

  Never too old. I think you're never too old to find your happy.

• 1:27:20Ashley Hesseltine?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:20Speaker 02

  No matter what, like, never too old, it's never too late. Can you have your 20 year old body again? Yeah, some people can. But to me, it really is like finding your happy. And it's like, success to me is nothing what it meant to me at 20 and 30. Like, to me, success now genuinely is looking in the mirror and liking what I see. Liking that reflection, like liking the real life I'm living, the friends that surround me. Like, that is total success. The fact that I'm smiling is success to me. Like, that, the rest of it, I think I realized was just a lot of societal bullshit.

• 1:27:49Ashley Hesseltine?

  Right.

• 1:27:50Speaker 02

  That we have to try to live up to.

• 1:27:51Rayna Greenberg?

  That body I had when I was 20 did not make me happy.

• 1:27:54Speaker 02

  Guess what?

• 1:27:54Rayna Greenberg?

  I did not like myself.

• 1:27:55Speaker 02

  No. And I was starving and you're working like a lunatic and you realize like, that's not, you know what I mean? The smile is what attracts people. It's like, not that body. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:28:03Ashley Hesseltine?

  I mean, I can't relate. I was bloated.

• 1:28:05Rayna Greenberg?

  You were bloated in my 20s.

• 1:28:06Ashley Hesseltine?

  I'm way better now.

• 1:28:09Speaker 02

  Wait till menopause.

• 1:28:10Ashley Hesseltine?

  No. I don't need this negativity right now. Not in this, not in this climate.

• 1:28:14Speaker 02

  Stay positive.

• 1:28:16Rayna Greenberg?

  Um, tell everybody where they can find you.

• 1:28:18Speaker 02

  You guys, thank you so much for having me. I just want to say, I love meeting you guys. I love being here. Thank you, thank you. And shop with Caroline on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and coming in hot on Dear Media. So I love you guys.

• 1:28:29Ashley Hesseltine?

  You guys know where to find us, girlsgottaeat.com for our tour tickets for those last shows of the year. Yeah, come to a show.

• 1:28:36Speaker 02

  I want to.

• 1:28:36Ashley Hesseltine?

  Girls Gotta Eat Podcast on Instagram and TikTok. I'm Ash Hess, Raina is Raina Doc Greenberg. Vibes only for the Suck and Blow Gel and all the vibrators. We're gonna send some on the way with you, for you and John.

• 1:28:47Speaker 02

  Cannot wait.

• 1:28:47Ashley Hesseltine?

  And subscribe on YouTube, share this episode with a friend, and we will talk to you Thursday.

• 1:28:51Rayna Greenberg?

  Have a good couple of days, guys.

• 1:28:53Ashley Hesseltine?

  Bye.