The #1 Reason You're Not Succeeding In Life [MASTERCLASS] EP 1430

https://lewishowes.com/mindset - Order a copy of my new book The Greatness Mindset today! In today’s Masterclass episode we dive deep into the process of setting goals and reframing our minds for success with two of the world's leading experts on winning in the game of life. This powerful episode serves as a reminder to fall in love with the journey rather than the destination while in the pursuit of greatness. Simon Sinek is an unshakable optimist who believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together. He discovered remarkable patterns about how the greatest leaders and organizations think, act and communicate. Nicole Lynn's incredible business savvy and strong will to succeed has led her to become one of the youngest female sports agents in the industry signing her first client at only 26. Nicole Lynn brings extreme intelligence, beauty, sass, and class to the world of sports. In this episode you will learn,How to reframe your goals in order to achieve them more frequentlyWhy setting clear objectives is so important to building a successful businessWhy so many of us beat ourselves up when we don’t win, and how big of a deterrent that is to our successHow to live in the present moment whether or not it is positive or negativePlus much more…For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1430 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  My friend, I am such a big believer that your mindset is everything. It can really dictate if your life has meaning, has value, and you feel fulfilled, or if you feel exhausted, drained, and like you're never going to be enough. Your mindset is everything. And our brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, just hit the New York Times Bestseller back-to-back weeks. And I'm so excited to hear from so many of you who've bought the book, who've read it, and finished it already, and are getting incredible results from the lessons in the book. If you haven't got a copy yet, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book I wish I had when I was 20, struggling, trying to figure out life

• 0:44Lewis Howes?

  10 years ago, at 30, trying to figure out transitions in my life, and a book I'm glad I have today for myself. Make sure to get a copy at lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get your copy today. Again, lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get a copy today. Also, the book is on Audible now, so you can get it on audiobook as well over there also.

• 1:10Simon Sinek?

  But it's not about winning. It's not actually about the goal. And so when we beat ourselves up because we miss an arbitrary number by an arbitrary date, and even if you hit the goal, the problem is...

• 1:20Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:44Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to this special masterclass. We brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today. It's going to be powerful, so let's go ahead and dive in.

• 2:02Lewis Howes?

  I believe self doubt is one of the biggest killers to anyone's dreams.

• 2:06Simon Sinek?

  Yeah.

• 2:06Lewis Howes?

  So how does someone develop self-confidence? And sustain it with the ever-going changes and stresses and uncertainties that always come up?

• 2:16Simon Sinek?

  Yeah.

• 2:16Lewis Howes?

  Once you reach a certain level, there's a new uncertainty.

• 2:20Simon Sinek?

  No. So I think it's ironic that we call it self-confidence. Because I don't, for one, think it comes from the inside. I think our self-confidence comes from the outside. Right?

• 2:32Lewis Howes?

  You mean, that's the wrong way of going about it? Or you think that's where it comes from in general?

• 2:37Simon Sinek?

  We are being misdirected by the name. When we say, "Build your self-confidence," that's the instruction of saying, "Go inside." Look inside oneself. But I think that's a false direction. Children aren't born self-confident. Their confidence is built from their parents and their friends and their teachers. Where they're rewarded when they do well and they're pushed when they fail. When they can do better. Simply, you know, we know this. That simply telling kids that they're great all the time actually doesn't build self-confidence. It actually does the total opposite.

• 3:16Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 3:16Simon Sinek?

  Right? And I, for one, I can tell you, in my own experience, my own self-confidence 100% comes from the relationships that I have. It's not some deep internal fortitude. You know? A world-famous trapeze artist is not going to try a brand-new, death-defying act for the first time without a net.

• 3:43Simon Sinek?

  So it's the people in my life. It's when I do doubt myself that somebody says, "You got this." When somebody says, "I believe in you." When somebody says, "No matter what happens, whether it succeeds or fails, I'm going to be by your side."

• 4:00Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's right.

• 4:00Simon Sinek?

  That's when I have the confidence to do difficult things.

• 4:03Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 4:03Simon Sinek?

  Right? I don't have some natural battery that I, that just...

• 4:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 4:10Simon Sinek?

  You know, that, to me, is bravado.

• 4:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 4:12Simon Sinek?

  I don't know about self-confidence. You know?

• 4:17Simon Sinek?

  Being a huge risk taker is not an indication of self-confidence to me. You know, jumping out of a plane and jumping out of a plane with a parachute are two different things. Right. Right. To me, self-confidence is measured and there should be a degree of doubt. But I think true self-confidence, belief in oneself and belief in one's cause. You know, I could not do the things that I'm doing and I would not have the strength to have made the sacrifices that I've made or continue to wake up on a daily basis to drive to spread this message

• 4:55Simon Sinek?

  if I were alone. And so when we talk about building one's self-confidence, I think the mistake that we make is that we look inside. I think the reality is when we're trying to build our self-confidence, we should be looking to our friends. We should be nursing our relationships. When I'm looking to build my self-confidence, the question is, who around me do I need to take care of? You know, the way we build our self-confidence is by helping somebody else build theirs. Right. It's an act of, we will build our confidence with an act of service. So I'll tell you a true, a true story. So I did an experiment. I love doing experiments in my own life. Yeah, me too. You know, I had mad thoughts. I'm like, well, let's try, let's try this one out. So I have a very dear friend who has stuck with me through thick and thin, who she is absolutely profoundly

• 5:38Simon Sinek?

  one of the reasons that I am who I am today, right? And I have my confidence in large part because of her, right? She's one of a small group of people who I, I look at and say, mm-hmm, yep, yep, good friend, right? She was struggling, like seriously struggling. Oh, let me take a step back. So we decided that we were gonna...

• 6:03Simon Sinek?

  She, look, she was, she was struggling. She goes, she was going through some hard, hard things in her life. Career wasn't going the way she wanted. Her personal relationship was struggling. There was, there was a lot of rough. She was lacking confidence. There was a lot of rough. She was lacking confidence. Yeah. And we would get together on a regular basis and I would attempt to coach her. You know? And she'd feel great for the hour after she left me and then it would very quickly go back to normal. Right. And we'd get back together and I would coach her and she felt great for the hour after she left me and then it would go back to normal. And I wouldn't, I can't say that there was some profound change being made in her life. So I had a harebrained idea. I went to her and I said, I need your help.

• 6:48Simon Sinek?

  I said, I'm struggling. I don't have a coach that I love and trust. You've known me for years. I trust you with everything. I feel unbelievably safe around you. Can you put together a program? And can you coach me? I think you're good at it. And it wasn't reciprocal. It wasn't, I'll coach you, you coach me. I said, it's just, I need your help because I'm struggling. It was legit. It wasn't like I was just making stuff up. You were stressed. It was legit. I could do with the help and I trusted her to help me. And something profound started to happen. Over the course of just a few weeks, it wasn't even for a few months, but over the course of a few weeks, she started to gain way more confidence. Her career started to really move in a more positive direction. Her relationship firmed up.

• 7:33Simon Sinek?

  And the more that she was in service to me, the more that she grew herself. So I think self-confidence, I wish we didn't call it self-confidence. Because like I said, I think it gives a false direction. The way we build confidence is with. You know, con means with, doesn't it? Interesting. So I have no idea the etymology of confidence. That's interesting. Just making stuff up here. But con means with. The, I mean, to confide. Let's look this up because fidelity is something to do with truth. So confide, right?

• 8:15Simon Sinek?

  Yeah, look it up with the etymology of confidence. You know, to confide is two people, like a conspiracy, is a co-whisper. That's what conspiracy is, is a co-whisper. So confidence is co-fidelity. Right. So let's see if the instinct is matched by the etymology of the word. And which if it isn't, I'm still okay with it. What does it say? So it comes from late Middle English, confident, translations, origins and meaning. Here we go. On late NMLD dictionaries. God love it. Where does the word come from? It's about trust or reliance. But what's the actual etymology of the word?

• 8:59Simon Sinek?

  Yeah, I'm not gonna sit here and waste everybody's time. But it comes from "cum fidre." And fidre means to trust.

• 9:08Lewis Howes?

  To trust yourself or trust other people?

• 9:09Simon Sinek?

  So "cum," what does "cum" mean?

• 9:14Simon Sinek?

  It means with.

• 9:18Simon Sinek?

  It means with trust.

• 9:21Lewis Howes?

  It could be with trust with yourself.

• 9:22Simon Sinek?

  I think it's been missed, that's my point. I think it's been, I think it's like a conspiracy require, a conspiracy requires two people. You cannot have a conspiracy with one person. It's a co-whispering. You know, you commit the crime of conspiracy when you tell someone something and you're both in on it. So I think confidelity, confidence is the same thing. I think it's, I think it's at least two people who undertake the task of trust and reliance.

• 9:51Lewis Howes?

  So she was coaching you and you saw a change with over a few weeks of her confidence.

• 9:55Simon Sinek?

  Her confidence built.

• 9:56Lewis Howes?

  And her belief in herself.

• 9:59Simon Sinek?

  Her belief in herself grew when she was in service to helping me.

• 10:06Simon Sinek?

  To helping me. And so, and so that goes back to the root of the question. How do you build your self-confidence?

• 10:12Lewis Howes?

  Or how do you overcome self-doubt?

• 10:14Simon Sinek?

  How do you overcome self-doubt? Help someone else overcome self-doubt.

• 10:17Lewis Howes?

  I love that. I love that.

• 10:18Simon Sinek?

  You overcome self-doubt by helping, and it's not a selfish thing. I'm only helping you so I can. You have to genuinely love and commit to the person, this person that you're helping. You have to genuinely care about their success and their confidence and their lot in life.

• 10:34Lewis Howes?

  It's so true. Everything comes back to service.

• 10:36Simon Sinek?

  And like I said, it goes back to the origins of humankind, right? Which is, which is we are naturally tribal animals and we are, we are, we actually are at our best when we are in service to each other in a cause greater than ourselves.

• 10:47Lewis Howes?

  The more we focus on what we're lacking, what we don't have, what's not working for us, the challenges we're going through, the more doubt we're gonna have.

• 10:55Simon Sinek?

  Correct.

• 10:55Lewis Howes?

  When we're inwardly focused on what we don't have.

• 10:59Simon Sinek?

  Oh, I wish we'd had this conversation about eight months ago because I would have written half the stuff in the book.

• 11:05Lewis Howes?

  Well, I'm writing a book on self doubt right now.

• 11:07Simon Sinek?

  Well, because this is what the infinite mindset is all about. A finite mindset is win, win, win, be number one, be the best, me, me, me.

• 11:16Lewis Howes?

  Win, win, win, meaning win at all costs, not win, win.

• 11:20Simon Sinek?

  Correct, not win dash win. It's win comma win comma win.

• 11:25Lewis Howes?

  Because the infinite game is you win, I win, the world wins, right? We all win, humanity wins.

• 11:33Simon Sinek?

  Correct, a whirlwind, that's funny.

• 11:34Lewis Howes?

  It's not, it's not win, win.

• 11:37Simon Sinek?

  Right, so, right, so we are, we are players in infinite games every day of our lives, whether we like it or not. There's no such thing as being number one in marriage, like, good luck with that.

• 11:50Lewis Howes?

  Right, that's not gonna work.

• 11:52Simon Sinek?

  There's no, there's no one who's declared the winner of life. And there's no such thing as winning business or winning global politics. But if we listen to too many leaders, they talk about being number one, being the best, and beating their competition.

• 12:04Lewis Howes?

  This was, this was me in my entire life.

• 12:06Simon Sinek?

  Yeah, it's a lot of people.

• 12:07Lewis Howes?

  Until like six, seven years ago, when I learned that that doesn't work.

• 12:11Simon Sinek?

  And you're an Olympian.

• 12:12Lewis Howes?

  Well, I haven't made the Olympics, but I'm on the Olympic handball team, yes, on the national team.

• 12:16Simon Sinek?

  Okay, whatever, you're at the highest levels of athletics. And you know this from spending time with athletes, which is individual athletes.

• 12:25Lewis Howes?

  I know, it's all about.

• 12:27Simon Sinek?

  Right, where team athletes tend to be a lot healthier. So like individual athletes, when they reach the top of their game, Michael Phelps, Andre Agassi, they become the greatest in the world, the next thing that happens to them is depression, right? Where as team athletes, you win the World Series, you win the Super Bowl, it doesn't, like, deep depression is not the next thing that happens.

• 12:48Lewis Howes?

  Some people maybe, but not in general.

• 12:50Simon Sinek?

  Not in general. And the, you know, Olympic athletes are such a unique, and I talked to a bunch of them for this book.

• 12:56Lewis Howes?

  Especially the gymnasts who are like 16, you have a billion people watching you, you win the gold medal.

• 13:00Simon Sinek?

  Yeah.

• 13:01Lewis Howes?

  Now what?

• 13:02Simon Sinek?

  And it is one of the most selfish finite pursuits, because the entire pursuit is, I'm gonna be number one.

• 13:06Lewis Howes?

  The gold medal.

• 13:07Simon Sinek?

  Right, and they all say the same thing, I wanna win the Olympics. Well, you don't actually win the Olympics, you win one event.

• 13:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:14Simon Sinek?

  You know, but they all say the same thing, I'm gonna win the Olympics, right? And. And then they say nonsense like, you know, no one inspire all the little children. Not a single one of them on their vision boards has pictures of little children overcoming adversity. You know, they have pictures of them standing on podiums, you know, holding medals, holding trophies of the vision boards. It's entirely a selfish pursuit, right? And any inspiration to little kids is just a Lucky Strike extra that's really good for the press conference. Right, right. But not a single one of them is waking up, doing it for the kids. Right. I dragged myself out of bed, I'm running in the rain, I miss Thanksgiving for the kids. Didn't happen, never, on any planet, right? It was for me. Right. Right?

• 13:57Simon Sinek?

  And so, there's this, you know, whether they medal or not, when they, when they're done, even if they were medalists, when they're done with the Olympics and their ability to pursue, they spent their entire lives from their childhood to adulthood striving to be number one. You know, and let's be honest, they're not the best, they're just better than everybody else that day. That day. Which is really funny to me, right? Which is, you can get a gold medal in, pick a sport, ice skating, and you fell in your routine, but if everybody else fell twice. You're the best. You're the best! You're the winner. But you're not, you're just better than everybody else in the competition, because it's finite. And finite has known players, fixed rules, and agreed upon objectives.

• 14:40Simon Sinek?

  It's only the players, but it's not life. And there's an imbalance. Yes, finite games are very important. Finite games and finite objectives are essential in an infinite game, right? But they're, but the infinite game is the context for those finite games. I need to excel or be the best here in order to X, right? And recognize that this is not the end all be all. The analogy for living with an infinite mindset is not about winning. The better analogy is exercise.

• 15:15Simon Sinek?

  So how do you be a healthy person? Well, you have to eat well, you have to sleep, get enough sleep, you have to nurse your personal relationships, and you have to exercise. If you do some of those things, you'll be healthier than doing none of those things, but you kind of have to do them all, right? Living an infinite mindset is the same thing. There's a series of practices. Do some, you'll be better than none, but you kind of have to do them all, right? And the way the finite mindset fits into it is, I want to get into shape. I've been sitting on the couch for most of my life, watching TV. I'm gonna get into shape. And I have a fitness goal, a finite goal, that I can easily measure, my weight. I can look on a scale and I can measure the progress. And I've made the goal that I'm gonna lose this amount of weight by this date. And so I commit to a healthy lifestyle.

• 16:00Simon Sinek?

  I eat better, I exercise more, I'm getting more sleep, and I'm watching the weight fall off. And I miss my goal. I don't lose the amount of weight that I wanted to lose by the date. So what? You're still healthier and you're on the road to being healthier. And I can see for a fact that you absolutely will hit the goal later on. And even if you hit the goal, the problem is, you can't stop exercising. You have to do it for the rest of your life. That's what an infinite mindset is. An infinite mindset is more like a lifestyle, which is, yes, absolutely, having finite goals is very important. We are absolutely driven by goals. We like measuring things. It is much easier to get into the lifestyle of exercise and the habit of it if I have metrics.

• 16:44Simon Sinek?

  Look at the insanity of Fitbits and things like that, which overdone is actually unhealthy and has adverse... Obsessiveness. But we'll talk, you know, it's not a... But the point is, it's helping people get up and have a healthier lifestyle. We like measuring stuff. It's just, it's a human thing, right? But it's not about winning. It's not actually about the goal. The goals and metrics are simply a way to help us measure speed and distance. I've lost this amount of weight over this amount of time. Right? You cannot run a marathon without mile markers. It's unnerving. The mile markers help me measure how far I've gone. How far I've gone and how fast I've gone. And the metrics we have at work help us measure how far we're moving and how fast

• 17:28Simon Sinek?

  we're moving towards a vision that is, for all practical purposes, unrealizable. Right? That's the infinite game. There's a context. And so when we beat ourselves up because we miss an arbitrary number by an arbitrary date, but the question is, are we building a healthy organization? And I would rather organizations do all the right things to build a healthy organization, even if they miss arbitrary dates. One of my favorite stories is Gary Ridge from WD-40. WD-40 is a public company. Huge company. It's a decent-sized company, which is kind of incredible because it's basically one product. It's just oil. Basically one product. It's like grease. It's very sophisticated lubricant that was actually made for the space program. But, by the way, we talked about fancy food and their offices, they just moved into a

• 18:13Simon Sinek?

  new office recently. Their old offices were a dump. Really? And yet the morale? Through the roof. Why is that? People love work because it was never about the office. It was about the people. It's never about the office. It was about the people. Right? Anyway, they have a lovely new office now, but it's still about the people. That's why I said before, is it the food? Well, it depends on the company. Anyway, he was on one of his quarterly analyst calls and one of the analysts said, "You missed your numbers." And Gary said, "No, I didn't. I missed yours. Mine are fine." Wow. Right? And that's the point, which is there's nothing wrong with having metrics and goals. Those are very important to human beings, but to what end?

• 18:56Simon Sinek?

  What are we serving bigger than ourselves? Right? So my analogy is like an iceberg. Right? So we know that the majority of an iceberg lies underneath the water. So when there's a tiny, tiny, tiny bit of the iceberg sitting above the ocean, right? It's the visionary who can see beneath the ocean. It's the visionary who stands there. And even though everybody sees a tiny, or nothing, they can see nothing. The visionary is able to explain what exists in their imagination only.

• 19:30Simon Sinek?

  Okay, it only exists in their imagination. And, and they inspire a few people to join them because like, that's, yes, we can do that. And they start working and a little bit of the iceberg shows. And a few people go, oh, it's gonna work. And so they commit to joining the movement or the company and a little more of the iceberg shows, right? And before too long, enough of the iceberg shows that people can go, this is a real thing. You're not insane and crazy. What you're doing is actually in reality. But the thing is, the vast majority of the iceberg still exists under the ocean. And so what the visionary does is constantly remind us where we're going and how much more we have to do. And though we can celebrate how much we've achieved, how much of the iceberg is sticking

• 20:11Simon Sinek?

  up above the ocean, the reality is we have way more work and when I die, it's, it's still gonna be the majority underneath the ocean.

• 20:20Lewis Howes?

  What is the difference between a habit and a behavior? And which one should we be focusing on more in order to get to where we wanna be? Changing our behaviors or changing our habits?

• 20:33Speaker 03

  A habit is a subset of behavior. It's a pretty narrow subset, actually, if you look at the, at the like true scientific definition. So Wendy Wood of University of Southern California is the, I think, the world's expert on habit. And she would define it pretty rigidly as something you basically do automatically without almost, you know, consciously realizing you're doing it, right? Like you sort of make the coffee in the morning with the coffee maker, you hit the buttons, you don't even remember.

• 20:56Lewis Howes?

  Brush your teeth, you're just like showering.

• 20:57Speaker 03

  You shampoo your hair, right? And you're like, did I do the shampoo or were I thinking about something else?

• 21:01Lewis Howes?

  You jump to work and you don't know how you got there, you're like, what?

• 21:03Speaker 03

  Cause you're on autopilot, right? So that, that's like, those are the really rote activities, like you hand sanitize if you're working in a hospital and you didn't even notice you did, did I do that already? Those are habits. I think there's been a lot of excitement and growth of, like, in, in the popular press, the idea that a habit is anything that you, you wanna repeat. And I think that would actually, a lot of the things that we think of and that we talk about casually as habits are probably more in the category of routines, which is different. Like often, it's a, like, if you're going to the gym, is it really a habit? You probably remember deciding to go to the gym, maybe you do it at a consistent time, maybe you do it a lot, but I would start calling a lot of these things more like routines if you wanna talk about the non-academic. And anyway, right?

• 21:47Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  You know, a little bit like inside baseball, who cares? But I do think it's interesting, there's distinction in the processes that drive one versus the other. I mostly, I study behavior, which is like a super category. It's even above routines or habits where, and it's just all behavior change requires different behaviors to happen. Some of them are going to be on autopilot, some of them are going to be routine, and some of them are one-time decisions that have big implications for your life. So I actually think having all of those categories in mind when we think about change is really important as opposed to narrowly focusing on one or the other.

• 22:26Lewis Howes?

  So what is the definition of a behavior?

• 22:29Speaker 03

  Oh, that's an interesting, like, what is a behavior? A behavior is an action you take. Like, really, everything is behavior. If it's inside your head, it's not a behavior, then it's like a judgment. But any, any actual action you take is a behavior.

• 22:46Lewis Howes?

  Any action you take. So what is, what are the most common behaviors that we have? That, I guess, hold us back? And then what are the behaviors that?

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Okay, I thought you were gonna go with most common. I was like, breathing.

• 22:59Lewis Howes?

  The most common behaviors that, that hold us back?

• 23:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:02Lewis Howes?

  And then the most common behaviors of the ultra-high performers, successful, you know, in business and sports? What are those behaviors that they tend to lean into? Versus the ones where people are stuck?

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 23:19Lewis Howes?

  Trying to ask you questions you've never been asked here.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  They're great.

• 23:22Lewis Howes?

  It's my job.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  They're great, they're really great questions.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Okay, let me start with some of the most common behaviors.

• 23:31Lewis Howes?

  That keep us stuck?

• 23:31Speaker 03

  That keep us stuck.

• 23:32Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 23:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think common behaviors where we get stuck are, and this is like, you know, what are the most common New Year's resolutions? They're to change those behaviors that we get stuck on. So the most common things we get stuck on are things related to our health, right? We aren't making good decisions about what we eat, what we drink, whether we smoke, whether we're physically active. Those are really common. Points where we get stuck. Our finances, right? Making good financial decisions on a daily basis about how we spend our money, how we save, who we give our money to. Those are places people often get stuck. We can get stuck in bad social loops. We sort of started by talking about relationships. So I think that's another place we get stuck. Whether it's we're not, we feel like we're too shy.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  We're not meeting enough people. We're meeting the wrong people. We're in the wrong relationships. That's another area where we get stuck. I think education and career are sort of, I'd put them, because they're like, one follows the other. And that's another category. Like, if you're a student, you're trying to achieve. But we often get stuck on not really studying rigorously and putting the time in, the focus in, and then that converts to work where we're not being as productive as we could be. We're not setting ourselves up for success.

• 24:44Lewis Howes?

  Ultra performers or the elite who are accomplishing all their goals and pursuing their dreams, what are those behaviors that they do really well?

• 24:52Speaker 03

  So I have never gone and interviewed the ultra performers and said, like, "List for me all your behaviors." So instead of answering your question perfectly, what I'm going to do is tell you some of the behaviors that research shows lead to great outcomes. And then certainly, I have seen lots of top performers where I go, "Oh, you're totally doing that. It's great." So I think one of the most important things is leaning on structure as opposed to expecting to just sort of follow the Nike "just do it" mantra. And by the way, when you talked about how you're training for your marathon, I noticed you immediately went to all the structures.

• 25:34Lewis Howes?

  Schedule, structure, accountability, coaching, investing money into it all. So there's more investment in it. So it's like, you've got to show up.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 25:43Lewis Howes?

  That is like, for me, it's so ingrained in me that if you want to accomplish your goals, you've got to schedule these things you've got to do on a daily basis and make it like...

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Break it down. What's the daily goal?

• 25:54Lewis Howes?

  What's the daily thing?

• 25:55Speaker 03

  When are you going to do it? What's going to cue you to do it? Who's going to watch you do it?

• 25:58Lewis Howes?

  Everything. What's at stake for you? What's at stake for other people? What's the higher purpose? That if you don't do this, who are you going to be hurting?

• 26:05Speaker 03

  And who is literally holding you accountable, right? You've got your coach involved. So those are the kinds of things.

• 26:10Lewis Howes?

  So structure is one of the leading... Academic, the research that shows which will help you get more results.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  Yes, and there's so many pieces of that and like each one of them we could unpack and talk about.

• 26:21Lewis Howes?

  Please break it down.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  You know, okay, a big one is too often people say, I just have this big goal, you know, this big. I think if I set a big audacious goal and that, by the way, that's good. It's good to set stretch goals, but then you've got to break it down like into the, you know, what's, what are you going to do this week? What are you going to do today? What are those component parts? And people get a lot further research by Alvin Dura, the late Alvin Dura of Stanford, great thinker, sort of did some of the pioneering work on this. We just did a field experiment where we tested with thousands of people who wanted to be volunteering 200 hours a year and they had committed to that goal. And we found that just sending them reminders not to volunteer 200 hours a year,

• 27:04Speaker 03

  but to volunteer four hours a week led to vastly better performance. Just that really simple change, even in the way you communicate about this. When you invite someone to start saving $5 a day instead of $150 a month, you get vastly higher take up.

• 27:19Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Identical, so just little framing shifts where you think about, let's break this down into the bite sized component. Now it's harder to procrastinate on it. You can see how it's doable. It doesn't feel overwhelming.

• 27:30Lewis Howes?

  So you're saying if my goal is to save 105 dollars or invest 105 dollars a month or whatever this is, are you saying it's not the best approach to say, I'm going to invest 105 dollars a month, but I'm going to do $5 a day?

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, so 100.

• 27:45Lewis Howes?

  I can't remember what this.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was 150 because it's like 30 days roughly in a month.

• 27:49Lewis Howes?

  150 dollars as opposed to saying, I'm going to save or invest 150 dollars a month. Trick your brain into saying, I'm going to invest $5 a day.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  Right.

• 27:58Lewis Howes?

  You're saying by doing that, what should happen?

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Many more people raise their hand and say, I can do this.

• 28:04Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to 150 dollars is too big for some people.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  It sounds big. You start thinking like, oh no, where am I going to have to cut? Like that's a bit like, I'm not going to get to go out to dinner three times that I thought I was going to get to go out to, am I going to make my rent? So you're like focusing on that big category, 150 dollars. And this was an experiment that was done led by Hal Hershfeld at UCLA with a savings app, Acorns, and they just invited people either some people get randomly assigned. Do you want to save $5 a day or 150 dollars a month? It's literally the identical outcome. They will take 150 dollars out of your account.

• 28:39Lewis Howes?

  Monthly.

• 28:39Speaker 03

  Monthly.

• 28:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  But they framed it differently and you get vastly higher takeout.

• 28:43Lewis Howes?

  Wow, really?

• 28:44Speaker 03

  Something like five times more people are interested.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 28:46Speaker 03

  It just feels doable.

• 28:48Lewis Howes?

  Yes. I mean, it's like, anyone can find $5 on their couch or like car, like the change. It's like, I can do this every day, but 150 bucks may be like a big stretch.

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Right, but it is the same thing. And so that broken down goal is really important.

• 29:00Lewis Howes?

  So as opposed, so it's like if you're working out, as opposed to saying, I'm gonna run, I don't know, 50 miles a week. It's like, that may seem like a lot, but I can run, what is that broken down to? Three miles, four miles a day? Four miles a day, five miles a day. It's more doable than thinking about the big number, right?

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 29:17Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting. How could you apply that in another area of life, do you think? In terms of like fitness, in terms of finances? And what about like relationships? I don't know, is there?

• 29:27Speaker 03

  I think you can break down most big goals into its component parts. It might not be as simple as like literally redoing the math, but it might be, you know, I wanna have a better relationship and I want us to spend more quality time together. Let's try to spend a lot more quality time together this year. Well, first you can get more concrete, right? Than a lot of. And so, say you had a monthly goal, it might be like, okay, I wanna make sure that we go on, you know, five just us dates a month to have that alone time. You might say that means, you know, every Friday plus one Saturday, we're gonna do it. And that means, you know, once a week plus one time, one week that has two times. And we're, let's go map out when they are. It all becomes more bite sized and achievable.

• 30:12Speaker 03

  And this is again, you said, you're like mapping out your schedules. These are the, the component parts that actually add up to achieving your goals.

• 30:19Lewis Howes?

  And I would think of like, okay, what am I gonna do this week? What am I gonna schedule this week? Not like, I've got all this stuff to do for the next three months, like, what can I do for the next few days? And what's coming tomorrow? And then, okay, I see the full week and how am I gonna manage my time? And at the end of the week, wow, I can look at what I created and I can be proud of it and build for the next week.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Yep. So that's really important.

• 30:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and time's gonna keep passing. And in three months, you're gonna look back and say, oh, look at all those steps I took to get to me where I'm at.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 30:46Lewis Howes?

  Winning the LA marathon. I'm just kidding. Completing is the goal. Completing in five hours is my goal. Okay, so that's.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  So breaking down.

• 30:56Lewis Howes?

  Leading on structure.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Structure. Let me, let me add another super important strategy that I think a lot of high performers use that research supports. And this one, I think, is vastly underappreciated, too. And it sort of relates to what I was poking at earlier, like the just do it Nike. Like, no, that's not really right. I think this is really a misconception that's related to that. And the idea comes from research by Aileth Fishbach of the University of Chicago and Caitlin Woolley of Cornell. And what they showed is that if you ask people, when they have a big goal, what approach are they going to take to try to get to it? Most people say, like, I'm going to look for the most efficient route. It's all about efficiency. What's the most effective path to that end goal? That's how I go for it.

• 31:41Speaker 03

  And like, a small fraction of people say something different. They say, I try to find a way that I'll enjoy getting to that end destination.

• 31:48Lewis Howes?

  Have fun.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Have fun. So you could think about someone who wants to, we've been on marathons, say you're training for a marathon, you know, somebody who's like, I'm going to just go to the gym and get on the treadmill and grind it out.

• 32:01Lewis Howes?

  And get hard every day.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. And another person is like, I'm going to go on a run with a running group. We're going to go through, you know, on the most beautiful trails that I know. We're going to do it together. Maybe I'm even going to download some great reading material, listening material before I go, so that I have something fun in my ears. Those are really different paths, right? Like, this one might be more efficient, because you don't have to coordinate with other people. You'll do it every day. You're going to, like, know exactly your mileage. It's going to be really controlled. But it turns out, if you don't enjoy it, you don't persist. And so, they've done experiments where they showed that if you just actually encourage people to choose the most fun way to pursue an exercise goal or study, they did this with

• 32:45Speaker 03

  students in math class, you know, giving them fun activities that were sort of going on in the background. You can use markers and play music and have snacks, versus just grind it out. People achieve more because they persist longer when they find ways to make it fun to do what's good for them.

• 33:05Lewis Howes?

  What's the greatest lesson you learned in the last year of working these two jobs? As you transition out of this job, what was the greatest lesson of overworking what it sounds like you were doing?

• 33:16Speaker 04

  That success does not equal happiness. I remember when, I think it was three years ago, I had signed my highest draft pick ever. I had won like Woman of the Year, you know, had a number one overall pick in softball. All these amazing things happening, made more money than I've ever made. And I remember looking back, I had made a birthday post actually, like, oh, here's all the great things I did this year. I remember being like, man, this is the least happy I've ever been. And so I think I learned really quickly that success and happiness, I mean, people try to conflate those terms, they're very different. You can be successful and not be happy. So for me, the milestones don't make me happy. I'm very much a journey girl, right? The journey, it's all about, I want to get there, I want to get there.

• 34:00Speaker 04

  When I finally hit the goal, it's real anticlimactic for me. It's almost depressing. It's like, okay, I did it, now what? So it was really a wake-up call. And what I'm trying to do is learn how to be present in the moment when I hit the goal, be okay with like, okay, I hit the goal, let's celebrate it. Like, instead of it going, kind of being like, well, what's next? Like, taking a moment to really take it in.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  Celebrating the success and the accomplishment of the years of hard work is so important.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  It is. But for me, it's always, okay, well, what's the next goal? What's the next step? And that's unhealthy.

• 34:30Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:31Speaker 04

  You know, and to be able to be okay with celebrating what you've done and taking a moment to live in that moment before going to the next.

• 34:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think success doesn't equal happiness, but also, I think also, you can still be happy and successful at the same time.

• 34:43Speaker 04

  You can, exactly. But it doesn't, you know, it's different and people think, once I hit success, then I will be happy. You've got to find happiness separately.

• 34:49Lewis Howes?

  Before you become successful, be happy, and success will add to it, it's more fun.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  Exactly. It's really joy, right? Happiness is about what's happening. Joy is eternal.

• 34:58Lewis Howes?

  How much joy do you feel on a daily basis?

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Um, it's something I'm working on. It's something I'm working on. You know, I'm, I, you know, I feel it, but I, my mom, I watch her, she doesn't have much, she never had much, but she's always just so joyful. Right? She's have two pennies to rub together, but there's no one I've met

• 35:16Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 35:17Speaker 04

  who just is happier to be alive than her. And so, you know, I look at her and I'm like, she doesn't have anything and I have everything in her mind.

• 35:25Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 35:25Speaker 04

  And our, our outlooks on life are just so different, you know, and so, yeah, I mean, it's something I'm working on. It's not like I'm not happy all day.

• 35:32Lewis Howes?

  Right. What's the greatest lesson your mom's taught you?

• 35:34Speaker 04

  I mean, she instilled my, in me, my faith, you know? I'm really blessed to have learned about Jesus from my mom. You know, she gave me nothing else except, you know, how to worship Jesus and how to be a giver. Those are the two things, but I feel like they were the most important gifts of my life.

• 35:51Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 35:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:52Lewis Howes?

  What about greatest lesson from your dad?

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Um, hmm, that's a tough one. He's an immigrant, you know, he came over here with nothing and, you know, had to hustle. He definitely taught me, you have to survive. You know, you gotta, well, no matter what the circumstances are, he kinda taught me to survive. You know, I knew how to survive as a kid. I think now that I'm older, I'm trying to go from surviving, surviving to thriving.

• 36:20Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  You know, stop living in a survival mode, cause I can do that. I can do that well. Learned how to do that.

• 36:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  It's like, okay, now how about thriving?

• 36:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  And like you said, living in abundance and being okay with spending your money and enjoying the moment.

• 36:31Lewis Howes?

  An influencer or a content creator, you're like, working at a law firm and, you know, like, representing other personal brands essentially, other athletes and influencers. So how did you learn to build your own personal brand and why is it important for every individual to build their personal brand, whether in a corporation or not?

• 36:48Speaker 04

  Actually, I have a whole chapter on this in my book about building a brand. I believe every professional is a brand, lawyers, doctors, et cetera. I think we always look at entrepreneurs and influencers as the people that have brands. Once I learned that we're all brands, it really changed my career. You know, I decided to build a brand because I wanted to get athletes to come to me.

• 37:08Lewis Howes?

  Ah.

• 37:08Speaker 04

  I didn't have time to recruit like other agents, cause I had another job. And so I had to get creative and I thought, okay, if I have a brand where I'm a household name, where when somebody thinks of a sports agent, I'm the first name or one of the first names that comes to mind, then I've done it right.

• 37:22Lewis Howes?

  How'd you do that?

• 37:23Speaker 04

  Man, it starts with picking out your pillars of your brand, right? I think every brand has a few pillars and everything you do falls under those pillars. Like for me, it's sports and it's women empowerment and mentorship. And so when I'm posting on my social media or my website, anything that is on that page is under one of my pillars.

• 37:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:43Speaker 04

  And so finding what that brand kind of parameters are and then being consistent with it. You know, your followers and your fans, they sign up for something, giving them what they signed up for.

• 37:53Lewis Howes?

  When did you start really going all in on kind of content and building your brand online?

• 37:57Speaker 04

  I would say it's been about three or four years when I first started. You know, it was a slow start, but I just, I remember making a decision like, I'm gonna be the first agent everyone thinks of. I'm gonna, I'm gonna make a decision. Like it was very intentional. I'm about to build a brand as a sports agent and it has not been done. And I think most people probably know of Jerry Maguire, the fictitious agent, maybe one or two agents, but you can't name a sports agent just naturally.

• 38:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  And so I made the decision, I said, you know what? When people think of that, they're not thinking of me.

• 38:25Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 38:26Speaker 04

  But everyone should feel that way. If you're a baker, you want people to think of you first if they need a cake.

• 38:31Lewis Howes?

  And do you think of like, okay, there's, I don't know, 20,000 sports agents. I'm just making up, how many are there?

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Nine hundred NFL agents.

• 38:38Lewis Howes?

  Oh, nine hundred, yeah. Okay, I'm way off, but there's a thousand, let's say, agents. How do you, do you think of like, I'm gonna lean into my uniqueness?

• 38:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:47Lewis Howes?

  Like use the differences or the uniqueness and the talents that I have and not try to be like the other agents, but just go all in obnoxiously on who I am? Is that what you think of?

• 38:56Speaker 04

  A hundred percent.

• 38:57Lewis Howes?

  So you stand out, yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 04

  Living in my authentic self every single day.

• 39:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  I decided to show up exactly who I am every day. You know, and I think I wouldn't be on this podcast, I wouldn't have a book if I didn't make that decision day one that I was gonna be me.

• 39:11Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:11Speaker 04

  You know, I got a lot of advice, a lot of advice early on to blend in and I was like, you know what? I'm not taking that advice. I'm gonna be who I am.

• 39:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I, um, there's a quote from a woman named Sally Hogshead who says, "Different is better than better." And being different is better than better because you're gonna be unique, you're gonna be stand out, you're gonna be a one of a kind and you may not be better than the best sports agent at this moment, but you're different and that's better for you than being better.

• 39:44Speaker 04

  I agree.

• 39:45Lewis Howes?

  And I think if if people can approach that and say, what makes me unique? And how can I lean into that more and more? Like, for me, I'm a big salsa dancer and I wasn't posting salsa stuff until recently. And it's getting the most engagement and comments and people are like, post more of this.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 40:00Lewis Howes?

  Um, you know, playing guitar with my brother, who's an amazing jazz violinist. And they're like, post more of this. It's like, these are the unique things for me that I haven't always shared. And I'm trying to lean into it more and more, and I think that's.

• 40:11Speaker 04

  You're the secret sauce.

• 40:13Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. No one else can do the talent that you have, the experience you have, the life you grew up from, the the lessons, whatever.

• 40:20Speaker 04

  Even if you give them the recipe. If I give you my spaghetti recipe, the exact instructions, your sauce is still gonna taste different.

• 40:26Lewis Howes?

  Different.

• 40:27Speaker 04

  I'm the secret sauce. You're the secret sauce.

• 40:30Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Exactly. People are gonna be attracted to you. I love this. Um, what's a question you wish more people would ask you that they don't ask?

• 40:38Speaker 04

  Oh, man, that's a good question. What I wish they asked me, but that they don't ask? Um, how are you? How are you feeling?

• 40:47Lewis Howes?

  How are you feeling?

• 40:48Speaker 04

  I'm feeling pretty good. Feeling okay. I'm a little tired.

• 40:52Speaker 04

  I get a lot of questions about how to get in the business and like, when I meet people, how to be a sports agent. And I think people forget, like, hey, I'm a human and, you know, more of the like checking in, like, how are you doing? Like, we're, you know, you, how's your mental health? How's your physical health? How's Nicole Lynn doing? Not agent Nicole Lynn. How's Nicole Lynn doing?

• 41:10Lewis Howes?

  Personal Nicole Lynn, yeah.

• 41:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. So I think people kind of forget about that.

• 41:14Lewis Howes?

  That's what I'm gonna do for the next thirty days.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  Every day? How are you?

• 41:18Lewis Howes?

  Once a week. No, once a week. Once a week, I'm gonna check in with you. I'm gonna, we're gonna create a list.

• 41:22Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh.

• 41:23Lewis Howes?

  Send it to you.

• 41:23Speaker 04

  August first.

• 41:24Lewis Howes?

  August first. Yeah, we'll give it to you August first, the start of the month.

• 41:27Speaker 04

  Gotta have the August one. You can't start it.

• 41:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. And we'll do that August first. I'm gonna text you.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  I can do it.

• 41:33Lewis Howes?

  Every week. I'm gonna have you text me on the weekends when you've completed the week.

• 41:38Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 41:38Lewis Howes?

  And I'm gonna check in on you for four weeks.

• 41:41Speaker 04

  I'm gonna be like an NFL training camp. I'm gonna be working out in the hotel, I guess.

• 41:45Lewis Howes?

  Work out with the guys, you know, it's just like, I'll jump in there. Exactly.

• 41:48Speaker 04

  Kill them.

• 41:51Lewis Howes?

  I love this. You've got this book we've been talking about called Agent You Show Up, Do the Work, and Succeed in Your Own Terms. People can get it online. They can go to bookstores. Where's a place they can connect with you personally? And where's the website for more about you?

• 42:05Speaker 04

  AgentNicoleyn.com or Agent Nicole on Twitter, Instagram.

• 42:09Lewis Howes?

  Where do you hang out more? Twitter, Instagram, or both?

• 42:11Speaker 04

  I'd say both. You know, Twitter, it's heavy, heavy sports. So if you like sports, Instagram, you'll get mostly sports, but you know, mentorship. I like to post kind of this, the blueprint of how I am a sports agent.

• 42:23Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  You know, if you ever want to get into sports, I put all the tips on my page.

• 42:27Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. Yeah, it's fun. And I see my guy Emmanuel and Sarah both on the back praising for you. Both friends of mine, so it's inspiring to see.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  Gabrielle Union wrote the foreword.

• 42:37Lewis Howes?

  That's awesome.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:38Lewis Howes?

  Where's her name on here?

• 42:39Speaker 04

  I know. She's a good...

• 42:41Lewis Howes?

  You gotta put her name on the front.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  I know.

• 42:43Lewis Howes?

  Forward by Gabrielle.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:45Lewis Howes?

  You gotta leverage that. That's good. Good marketing. This is a question I ask everyone at the end of our interviews called the three truths question. So I'd like you to imagine a hypothetical scenario.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 42:57Lewis Howes?

  It's your last day on earth, many years away from now.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  It's really sad.

• 43:00Lewis Howes?

  It is.

• 43:00Speaker 04

  The most depressing...

• 43:01Lewis Howes?

  No, you've lived as long as you want to live.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Okay, 200 years.

• 43:04Lewis Howes?

  Perfect. You lived 200?

• 43:06Speaker 04

  Clearly.

• 43:06Lewis Howes?

  And then it's your last day.

• 43:07Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 43:08Lewis Howes?

  Eventually, you gotta call it quits, right?

• 43:10Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 43:10Lewis Howes?

  On this, this life. And you've accomplished all your dreams. You've lived the life that you want to live. You do self-care every day. You're helping athletes. You're doing all these, whatever your dream life is, and you actually create it.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 43:23Lewis Howes?

  From here until whenever you pass. But for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your materials with you, or it's got to go somewhere else. So your book, your content, the things you've said, no one has access to this anymore. It goes to the next place, somewhere else. But you get a piece of paper and a pen, and you get to write down three things you know to be true, three lessons. And this is all we would have to be reminded of you from your, all of your work and all of your material, of these three lessons that you would share with the world.

• 43:51Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 43:51Lewis Howes?

  That they would have to use and whatever they wanted to use. What would you say are those three truths for you?

• 43:57Speaker 04

  God is real.

• 43:58Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:01Speaker 04

  The second truth is that finding your purpose is the most important mission of your life.

• 44:09Speaker 04

  And the third, marry the right person.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Marry the right person.

• 44:17Lewis Howes?

  Why does that seem to be so hard for so many people?

• 44:19Speaker 04

  It's tough. People are always like, how are you so successful? What's the number one thing you can tell me to do? Marry the right person. I couldn't do what I do if I had married someone else.

• 44:28Lewis Howes?

  It would be draining.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a support system. You're a team, you know, it's a partnership. And that partnership is critical to your success. That's a whole nother book.

• 44:39Lewis Howes?

  How long have you been married for?

• 44:40Speaker 04

  Nine years.

• 44:42Lewis Howes?

  How did you know that it was the right person?

• 44:45Speaker 04

  Man, I just knew. Isn't that crazy? I just knew. I was one of those, I mean, we dated for like 10 months and then we're married. I'm one of those stories. It's like, we dated and like six weeks in, it's like, I guess you're probably my husband. I think you are, you know, and just here we are. People thought we were nuts. We're going now on our 10th year. So like, I think it worked out.

• 45:05Lewis Howes?

  What's been the, the key to knowing it's a great fit or it's aligned? And then the key to also sustaining it and making sure it stays that way.

• 45:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:15Lewis Howes?

  After 10 years.

• 45:16Speaker 04

  The sustaining is that love is not enough.

• 45:19Lewis Howes?

  I've been saying that so much lately. Love is not enough.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  And you have to make a decision every day to stay married. Marriage is very hard. People don't talk about that. People like to make it look like it's all roses and it's hard. It's a, you show up every day, it's like going to work every single day and choosing to love someone. You know, it's an action. But yeah, love is not enough. You know, companion, compatibility, chemistry, I mean, there's so many different factors here that, that are important. And I wish I could say it's just all about love and it's not. It's BS.

• 45:50Lewis Howes?

  You guys had all that other stuff though?

• 45:51Speaker 04

  Well, you know, some of it grew over time. We're very different. Some of it grew over time. Some of it was, we're very different in these things and we've got to learn how to live with these differences because no one's changing.

• 46:03Lewis Howes?

  Right. You accept each other. If you don't accept each other, it's going to be miserable. You accept it or leave, right?

• 46:09Speaker 04

  And so we made the choice, okay, we're going to stay. So what, as we make that choice every day, what does that look like? What does it mean when you wake up every day to make the choice to fight for your marriage? You're fighting for your marriage even when the marriage is great. Every day you wake up, you're fighting for your marriage.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  Love's not enough.

• 46:24Lewis Howes?

  It was not enough. I've been saying that. That's a good sign. I want to acknowledge you Nicole for, for a moment for your...

• 46:34Lewis Howes?

  Your gifts for everything you've done to overcome from

• 46:36Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 46:37Lewis Howes?

  I mean, getting food at eight and nine that's helped you and your brother to forge your driver's license, to just doing whatever it takes

• 46:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:45Lewis Howes?

  to survive and to thrive and to be an example for other people. I acknowledge you for making the big risk, taking the risk to leave something that you've been comfortable with for a long time, which is probably not hard to leave.

• 46:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:59Lewis Howes?

  And to go all in on something that you're really passionate about.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:02Lewis Howes?

  I acknowledge you, even though maybe you wanted to do it sooner, you did it at the right time for you.

• 47:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:07Lewis Howes?

  And I acknowledge you for not beating yourself up. I think a lot of us beat ourselves up for things we didn't do and we should have done. And you're just like, you know, it's the right timing and it needed to happen this way. I acknowledge you for allowing me to try to bring out of you the things that might be lacking that could support you, that could take you to the next level. Because that's part of my mission is to help serve people, get to their next level. So I acknowledge you for saying you're committed to this and I'm going to check in on you.

• 47:34Speaker 04

  Please do.

• 47:35Lewis Howes?

  So, and yeah, everything you're up to, I'm really excited about it.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 47:39Lewis Howes?

  It's been great to meet you, yes.

• 47:40Speaker 04

  I'm so happy to be here.

• 47:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  Thank you for having me on your show.

• 47:43Lewis Howes?

  Of course, of course. My final question is what's your definition of greatness?

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Oh man, definition of greatness. Man, wow. I could just write an essay on what does it mean to be great? You know, I think about greatness, I think about not whether you have what it takes. I believe almost everybody has what it takes. I think people don't think that. I think everybody has what it takes, but it's will you do what it takes?

• 48:11Lewis Howes?

  Ooh.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  And that's the difference. A lot of people listening, you have what it takes, but will you do what it takes to be great? Greatness is doing whatever it takes to get there.

• 48:24Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

• 49:08Lewis Howes?

  And now it's time to go out there and do something great.