Big Ryan Energy w/ Ryan Sickler | Your Mom's House Ep. 818

SPONSORS: - Order on DoorDash and save big during Summer of DashPass. Sign up today! DashPass benefits apply only to eligible orders. Terms apply. This week on Your Mom’s House, we've got a real throwback episode as Tom Segura and Christina P are joined by the always hilarious Ryan Sickler! Before sickle cell slides into the Mommy Dome, Tom and CP kick things off with a wild opening clip featuring a vulgar homeless man in a McDonald’s, discuss Love Island’s dumbest contestant, and CP raises her art price. They also break down zodiac signs, death row meals, Jeff Bezos's wedding, Oprah's lesbian love life, and why chicks might just be a little dumb sometimes. Ryan Sickler joins the fun and the trio covers everything from a defecating police chief and the chocolate booty obsessed guy also named Ryan to horrible or hilarious fails—including a bull attack, a shit flood, and one extremely unfortunate motorcycle. Ryan shares a killer story about a guy named “Joey Uno” and relives his worst high school nickname. CP gets roasted for looking like the Hamburglar, and Sickler drops a disgusting, classic YMH-worthy dump tale. Oh—and there’s a deep dive into feeding your meow with fruit, plane meltdowns, Will Smith’s weirdness, and roleplay gone very wrong. It’s a banger. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 818 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:09 - Opening Clip: I Get My D Sucked 00:08:51 - Love Island UK Dummies 00:19:16 - Jeff Bezos Wedding + Oprah's Lesbian Relationship 00:25:30 - What's Your Sign? 00:33:04 - Ryan Sickler 00:36:26 - Hostile Work Environment 00:42:31 - Big Ryan Energy 00:52:59 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:02:27 - Sweet & Sour Broads 01:08:41 - Will Smith 01:15:40 - Holding Space For Bad Thoughts 01:21:42 - Closing Song - "2 Catches (Obviously)" by Odd-Track Numbers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 0:12Speaker 01

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• 0:41Speaker 00

  Black and indigenous, people of color, you are valued.

• 0:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  She does leave out so many groups.

• 0:52Tom Segura?

  She hit a lot of groups, though.

• 0:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it's not really inclusive.

• 0:55Tom Segura?

  What's that called? Do you know what, do you want, what we have it as? That video?

• 1:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Black and indigenous, people of color, Creoles.

• 1:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gypsies.

• 1:08Tom Segura?

  I don't think she says gypsies.

• 1:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pakistanis, Sri Lankans, Sunnis, Turks and Kurds and Shiites.

• 1:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she names a lot of groups.

• 1:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  She does, very obscure. Yeah. I mean...

• 1:23Speaker 00

  We value your opinions.

• 1:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she's great, she's great.

• 1:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, those groups don't want her as their spokesperson.

• 1:34Tom Segura?

  This is what she would do if you told her, like, "Hey, shut the fuck up." She'd be like, "Mmm." There she is.

• 1:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you for your feedback.

• 1:41Speaker 00

  Black and indigenous, people of color.

• 1:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:45Speaker 00

  Lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, queer. Lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, queer. Asian American Pacific Islander. Asian American Pacific Islander. Latino, Hispanic, Romani, Creole.

• 2:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Creole, Creole.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  Romani and Creole. We all have a place in this world.

• 2:26Tom Segura?

  Eddie, when you hear this song, is this like a good way to start your day?

• 2:32Speaker 04

  I feel, uh, I feel very represented.

• 2:34Tom Segura?

  You do? You feel seen?

• 2:36Speaker 04

  I feel seen, I feel heard, I feel felt.

• 2:38Tom Segura?

  You do?

• 2:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. Do you, do you think, how did she go from?

• 2:41Tom Segura?

  You think she'd be a good hang, like if you were to meet her?

• 2:45Speaker 04

  Oh, God. I mean, I'm down.

• 2:47Tom Segura?

  You are down?

• 2:48Speaker 04

  We should bring her, we should bring her on the show.

• 2:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  That would be amazing.

• 2:51Tom Segura?

  That'd be amazing. Cause I think about this song so much. I forget when we first saw it, it was a while ago. But every once in a while, I'm driving around and I'll see a black or indigenous person of color. Or a lesbian, or a Romani, or a Hispanic, or a Latino, or a Pacific Islander. And I'll think about this song and I'll be like, God, they must feel so connected.

• 3:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up. But how does Creole make the cut? Stop.

• 3:15Speaker 04

  You know, you know what I think the Creole was? I feel like she ran out.

• 3:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that right?

• 3:19Speaker 04

  She's just like Googled, like, what else is there?

• 3:21Tom Segura?

  What else is there?

• 3:21Speaker 04

  I need one more.

• 3:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I didn't, I didn't realize Creole was a really outsider group.

• 3:28Tom Segura?

  She's so sincere.

• 3:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I mean? Is it that big?

• 3:30Tom Segura?

  No, it's not that big.

• 3:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's two Creoles. There's not a lot of Creoles.

• 3:33Tom Segura?

  There's more than two.

• 3:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  In the state of Louisiana, there's Creoles. Other than that, it's a very niche group.

• 3:38Tom Segura?

  They're not like, how come no one's talking about us?

• 3:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, nobody cares.

• 3:41Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 3:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, as far as I know.

• 3:43Tom Segura?

  That little woman too, also, if I said something, she would go, shut up, white man. I'd go, okay?

• 3:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  She wouldn't even step foot in our building if we invited her to this and then she Googles, you and me? We're, we're enemy number one to a group like that.

• 3:59Tom Segura?

  I'm half Provia. And she'd be like, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, you present white.

• 4:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think she's straight?

• 4:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it, is that, like, I'm trying, what I'm saying is I don't care what her identity is, but like, what's the key to her heart? Like, how much bullshit do you have to spit as a man to get inside of those?

• 4:19Tom Segura?

  You gotta be down with this kind of bullshit.

• 4:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pachuli panties.

• 4:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You gotta, you gotta feel as bad about existing as she does. And then she'd be like, cool, yeah, I like you.

• 4:30Tom Segura?

  Be like, I'm sorry, I was born too. And she was like, great, yeah, yeah.

• 4:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. She's so full of white guilt.

• 4:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So much.

• 4:39Tom Segura?

  It's a lot.

• 4:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so, hey, I get it.

• 4:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You and I should be writing songs.

• 4:43Tom Segura?

  Well, maybe we reach out, guys. Maybe we reach out and we see if we can make something happen. I would love to hear a like a live version of it, you know?

• 4:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well.

• 4:53Tom Segura?

  Like if she would come and perform it live.

• 4:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think she would do the next YMH live? And maybe be our musical guest?

• 5:01Tom Segura?

  Maybe if we were willing to, because I'm sure she wouldn't do it for money. But if we were like, hey, we'll donate to whatever black Latino thing you want. Yeah, maybe that would be an exchange.

• 5:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  To the Romani Creole population.

• 5:16Tom Segura?

  To the don't burn the Romani anymore.

• 5:21Tom Segura?

  And I'm down to be the one in communication with her.

• 5:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 5:24Tom Segura?

  There we go. That's a team player right there. I'm here for the team.

• 5:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nailed it.

• 5:29Tom Segura?

  Maybe hit her with, hey, check this out. You know what I'm saying?

• 5:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 5:32Tom Segura?

  We were listening to your shit.

• 5:36Tom Segura?

  And she'd be like, I, I, I understand you're from a different culture than me. And I would love to be there for you.

• 5:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. You know, it's.

• 5:48Tom Segura?

  However, you speak to me, is it, was it any, sorry?

• 5:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also too, if she wants to like be in the mix, like I, look, she lives somewhere, probably like Minneapolis.

• 6:00Tom Segura?

  By the way, if she gives you any pushback, if she's like, no, I'd be like, yeah, white bitch. That's what I thought. And then she'll be like, you're right, you're right, you're right.

• 6:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I suck. I'm the worst. But like, look, you can tell she lives somewhere like Minneapolis or Manitoba.

• 6:15Tom Segura?

  Maybe, yeah, somewhere in the Northwest.

• 6:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  No people of color anywhere near where she lives.

• 6:19Tom Segura?

  Feeling so bad. She's isolated with the whites.

• 6:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right. So, so maybe if she moved to an area where she could be amongst all these different people, she wouldn't feel so guilty. She separates herself. So she's actually the problem. You know what I'm saying?

• 6:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I do know what you're saying. I do know what you mean. Yeah.

• 6:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know what you're saying and I don't know what you mean.

• 6:38Tom Segura?

  Well, let's give a little opener here. You ready?

• 6:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got it.

• 6:41Tom Segura?

  Let's get going here. Here we go.

• 7:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  Welcome to your mind house.

• 7:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 7:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 7:55Tom Segura?

  So this is a pretty cool video. It's Phil inside of McDonald's and what's happening if you're listening is there's a a potential art model for nude sketches.

• 8:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Suckin' my dick.

• 8:12Tom Segura?

  Speakerphone, he's like, "I don't jack off. I get my dick sucked." And a lady goes, "Sir, you cannot talk like that." And the best, you don't usually see this. He goes, "You're right, you're right." And he like, he shapes up. He's like, "Yeah, that's okay. I'll get out of here." Usually you hear like, "Ah!" like back, or like, "Fuck you bitch." You know, like you usually hear confrontation back and he's like very polite.

• 8:37Speaker 00

  I don't jack off. I get my dick sucked. I'm like, "Yeah."

• 8:44Speaker 05

  Sir, you cannot be saying all that on the phone.

• 8:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry.

• 8:49Speaker 05

  No. Let him get out of here.

• 8:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry. Let him get out of here. He knows.

• 8:53Tom Segura?

  He knows.

• 8:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like sometimes when you're toddler, like you know they're caught right-handed.

• 8:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nothing mea culpa. I'm done here. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be talking about my dick in McDonald's.

• 9:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He knew.

• 9:03Tom Segura?

  He knew.

• 9:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  He knew.

• 9:04Tom Segura?

  But sometimes you don't, you don't get that all the time.

• 9:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you don't. They don't take accountability for their actions, the homeless.

• 9:09Tom Segura?

  Who's they? Oh, the homeless.

• 9:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, crazy people, baby.

• 9:11Speaker 00

  Ah!

• 9:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, listen, I'm team crazy person too, but we will find out the results later.

• 9:19Tom Segura?

  This is though, I have been so stoked about this one. This might be one of my favorite things that I've seen in a long time.

• 9:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go ahead.

• 9:28Speaker 06

  Essex is a continent? No, it's a county. Oh, a country? A county. What's the difference between a county and a country? Country. So, country is like England? Yeah. So, Wales is in Cardiff. Cardiff, the capital of Wales. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I'm from Liverpool, so I live in a country. No, Liverpool's a city. A city? Yeah. If you go on a plane and go to another place, that's still United Kingdom, isn't it? Depends where. Yeah, so Spain. That's Europe. But it's still in the United Kingdom.

• 10:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's incredible.

• 10:03Tom Segura?

  Isn't that amazing?

• 10:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could listen to her talk all day.

• 10:05Tom Segura?

  You know what the best part, like, one of the, like, things that stands out to me? How gentle they are with her.

• 10:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, like a child.

• 10:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, explaining it to your six-year-old.

• 10:13Tom Segura?

  She was like, so Liverpool, that's a country? And they're like, no, that's a city. The one you've lived in forever? And, but they're like, nice about it. Like, oh, no, that's not... Spain's in Europe, but it's not the same country.

• 10:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 10:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's exactly how, I mean, I would say it with the same, the same gentle way to our children.

• 10:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kids.

• 10:35Tom Segura?

  Be like, oh, yeah, this is, no, you know, New York is another city.

• 10:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, let's just explain it to children. How, but she's so attractive.

• 10:43Tom Segura?

  That that's why she's gotten away with it.

• 10:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so.

• 10:45Tom Segura?

  That's why, that's also why they're nice. Because she was like a big old fucking pig.

• 10:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:49Tom Segura?

  Then they'd be like, you fucking stupid?

• 10:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:52Tom Segura?

  You don't know the difference?

• 10:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking fatso.

• 10:54Tom Segura?

  But then they're like, oh, you're pretty.

• 10:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. It's called pretty privilege, Tom.

• 10:59Tom Segura?

  It's just another city. You live in another city.

• 11:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Liverpool.

• 11:02Tom Segura?

  And if these were men, they would just be like, so nice to her.

• 11:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, the men would be, but I'm saying if it was a man that was that stupid and it was a group of dudes.

• 11:10Tom Segura?

  Oh, no.

• 11:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  You guys would be like, what are you, fucking idiot, retarded?

• 11:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, guys would be brutal.

• 11:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ruthless. Well, that's different. I guess hot chicks, I think, I think because a lot of hot... Hold on, hold on. A lot of hot chicks are stupid.

• 11:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, this is just a camaraderie thing. They're like, yeah, I could be that stupid, too.

• 11:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm hot, so I'm almost as dumb.

• 11:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Exactly, yeah.

• 11:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:33Tom Segura?

  All these hotties are working together to be like, it's okay.

• 11:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's okay to be stupid, sweetheart.

• 11:37Tom Segura?

  We have to support each other.

• 11:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Women supporting women.

• 11:40Tom Segura?

  Now, if it was a really cute guy, let's say he was a really cute guy.

• 11:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:44Tom Segura?

  And he were stupid.

• 11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my god.

• 11:45Tom Segura?

  They'd be nice to him.

• 11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 11:47Tom Segura?

  Because they'd be like, oh, he's really cute.

• 11:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 11:49Tom Segura?

  But if he was not attractive.

• 11:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Forget it.

• 11:52Tom Segura?

  They'd be like, what?

• 11:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, if he were a dog.

• 11:54Tom Segura?

  Do you really not know this? That's how they would talk to him. You don't fucking know that? That's what they would say to him.

• 12:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Isn't that wild?

• 12:02Tom Segura?

  You think Liverpool's another country? Are you fucking moron?

• 12:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 12:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Liverpool.

• 12:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I stand in the United Kingdom. So I go to Spain.

• 12:11Tom Segura?

  If I go to Spain?

• 12:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's play it again. I like to hear how we're talking.

• 12:15Tom Segura?

  The same county?

• 12:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was she fucking?

• 12:17Speaker 06

  Essex.

• 12:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Essex.

• 12:18Speaker 06

  Is a continent.

• 12:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is a continent.

• 12:20Speaker 06

  No, it's a county.

• 12:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a county.

• 12:22Speaker 06

  Oh, what, a country? A county. What's the difference between a county and a country? Country is like England. Yeah. So Wales is in Cardiff. Cardiff, the capital of Wales. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm from Liverpool, so I live in a country. Liverpool's a city. A city. Yeah.

• 12:39Tom Segura?

  Come on.

• 12:39Speaker 06

  If you go on a plane and go to another place, that's still United Kingdom, isn't it? Depends where. Yeah. So Spain.

• 12:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're so nice to her.

• 12:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:47Speaker 06

  That's Europe. But it's still in the United Kingdom. No.

• 12:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the black chick was starting to go, that's Europe.

• 12:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dummy.

• 12:54Tom Segura?

  She was getting a little like.

• 12:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  A little bit.

• 12:56Tom Segura?

  Now, here's the thing. Having seen so many clips and videos, you know, over so many years, she could be putting people on, like, we're not seeing enough video. Like, she's either really smart and funny in doing this, or just dumber than a box of sand.

• 13:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 13:15Tom Segura?

  Like, she's one of the two.

• 13:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  But she's from Essex, and that is known to be like, like, you know, like, the dummies are from Essex. Like, the cultural whatever, the chavs are from Essex. They're supposed to be like this. There's a lot of girls that are like this, right? Like, the cultural whatever. They're like valley girls, right?

• 13:34Tom Segura?

  So here's what we know about this actual clip. Oh, it says, viewers of the show believe she is secretly smart because it was later revealed she studied at Liverpool Hope University.

• 13:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay. So she can't be that stupid.

• 13:50Tom Segura?

  And she was later invited on Good Morning Britain and Piers Morgan grilled her.

• 13:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 13:55Tom Segura?

  So I don't know, I'm sure there's more out there. I think we should try to find it. This is a

• 13:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, that's really, she's really good.

• 14:01Tom Segura?

  This clip went viral and played on the news. Uh, this woman has a son.

• 14:07Tom Segura?

  She now has over 700,000 followers on TikTok. Yeah, I wonder if this is genuine or not, because it's either like, it's very well executed on her part. And like, I really respect it if she did it, or if she's really this dumb.

• 14:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 14:19Tom Segura?

  Because she's also, she's not 17, right? Like, you know, like

• 14:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 14:25Tom Segura?

  She's in her twenties, right? Like, late twenties?

• 14:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's super cute, yeah.

• 14:30Tom Segura?

  But I'm saying, like, she's not a child.

• 14:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, she should know these things.

• 14:33Tom Segura?

  Come on.

• 14:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's adorable, though. It's a good clip. It's fucking entertaining.

• 14:36Tom Segura?

  See if you find something else if you can.

• 14:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  First of all, I just like to take a little break. Buy my lipstick, christinap.com. Also, a few things, some of you maybe missed last week's episode. I'm wearing these glasses and hat because I had a little cosmetic surgery. And still bruised, still bruised. Uh, but also, my artwork.

• 14:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 14:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  We increased the price to 20,000 US.

• 15:01Tom Segura?

  Fuck around and find out, it's not 20,000. And you can find it on store dot Y M H studios dot com.

• 15:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Correct.

• 15:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, it has not sold yet.

• 15:08Tom Segura?

  We'll see if it moves. We'll just see if it moves and we'll just go from there.

• 15:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, you know, apropos of the title.

• 15:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you guys haven't bought it yet, you've fucked around, and now you're gonna find out. I am raising the price to 30,000 US dollars. And now we're gonna sell it.

• 15:24Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 15:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I believe that to increase the price is the way to go, not decrease. I know my value, Tom.

• 15:30Tom Segura?

  Know your value, know what you're worth.

• 15:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do self-care, I meditate.

• 15:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I watch, I eat fruit for my vagina. I do all the things.

• 15:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, very cool. The scariest part of summer isn't the sunburn, it's the spending. There are the last minute road trips, pricey snack hauls, and bottomless SPF restocks. And your wallet's feeling the heat. Cool it with DoorDash and save big on your seasonal must haves during Summer of Dash Pass. Summer of Dash Pass is back from June 26th through July 30th. And it's packed with deals on everything you're already ordering. Local eats, groceries, stuff from your favorite stores, and more. Keep on saving with $0 delivery fees and reduced service fees on eligible orders.

• 16:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom, I can safely say we use DoorDash daily at the Segura house.

• 16:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah, instead of running out and grabbing everything, you have somebody bring it for you.

• 16:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 16:22Tom Segura?

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• 16:48Speaker 01

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• 17:17Tom Segura?

  What's this right here?

• 17:19Speaker 07

  It would be, you've got a slight, you know, problem perhaps with geography, isn't it?

• 17:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, it wasn't the brightest tool in the box in geography.

• 17:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, were you the brightest tool in the box in anything?

• 17:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, stuff that I have interesting, yeah.

• 17:31Speaker 07

  What are you good at? What would you say is your intellectual powerhouse?

• 17:35Speaker 06

  Powerhouse?

• 17:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 06

  Anything but geography and Brexit.

• 17:40Speaker 07

  Give me, give me something.

• 17:41Speaker 06

  English.

• 17:41Speaker 07

  English?

• 17:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:42Speaker 07

  You like English?

• 17:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:44Speaker 07

  Can you speak English?

• 17:45Speaker 06

  I speak in English.

• 17:47Speaker 06

  So rude. I don't, I don't think you have to defend yourself, Hayley. Exactly, thank you. The point of Love Island is not about how good you are at geography.

• 17:55Speaker 07

  What is the point of Love Island? Because I don't, I'll be honest with the three of you, right?

• 17:58Speaker 06

  She's about to tell you if you let her speak.

• 17:59Speaker 07

  I just don't get the point of this. It seems to me like we put the dimmest people in Britain to one lair.

• 18:04Speaker 06

  So rude, isn't it?

• 18:04Speaker 07

  And you all just try and have sex with each other. Am I wrong? Definitely wrong.

• 18:08Speaker 04

  Definitely wrong.

• 18:09Speaker 07

  Really, darling?

• 18:10Speaker 08

  There's a doctor in there, a solicitor, a nuclear engineer.

• 18:13Speaker 07

  A nuclear engineer?

• 18:14Speaker 08

  Yeah, Wes.

• 18:15Speaker 06

  Wes.

• 18:16Speaker 07

  What?

• 18:17Speaker 08

  Yeah, he's only 20 as well.

• 18:18Speaker 07

  A 20-year-old nuclear engineer?

• 18:20Speaker 08

  Yeah.

• 18:20Speaker 07

  He sold you a apartment. There are no 20-year-old nuclear engineers.

• 18:24Speaker 06

  He's also a government policy advisor.

• 18:26Speaker 07

  Charlie, look, I know that you go socializing with my eldest son Spencer, who to my horror loves Love Island. And he vouches for you and says, actually, you're a relatively normal bloke. So my question is, what are you doing in there? Just having a bit of fun, you know? So Hayley, explain to me, right, what the point of this is, Love Island?

• 18:46Speaker 06

  You go into Fanlove and obviously you don't go into City Politics exam like I've been enjoying.

• 18:51Tom Segura?

  All right, I think we've seen enough. Here's the thing, I don't think she was doing a bit.

• 18:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think she's doing a bit.

• 18:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Confirmed.

• 18:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's as dumb as that is.

• 18:59Tom Segura?

  That's pretty amazing.

• 19:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:00Tom Segura?

  Now I want to meet her.

• 19:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I know. Should we have her on our show and give her?

• 19:04Tom Segura?

  I would love to.

• 19:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Should we make her like do geography lessons?

• 19:06Tom Segura?

  Well, just like it would just, I want to dig deeper. I mean, this is pretty fascinating.

• 19:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why don't we put her against Emma, our CEO?

• 19:13Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 19:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  In like a geography lesson championship quiz thing?

• 19:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or something like that.

• 19:18Tom Segura?

  It's a pretty good idea. Yeah. That's fascinating.

• 19:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing.

• 19:23Tom Segura?

  Learning about a county versus a country versus a city.

• 19:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but now I want to see a show where they educate this girl.

• 19:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they just quiz her on different things. I could watch that all day.

• 19:33Tom Segura?

  That's so good.

• 19:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  With that accent talking. She's like, actually, what is a mammal? I can't even do Liverpool.

• 19:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  A mammal is what, is that your mammary gland?

• 19:42Tom Segura?

  She said she was, she liked English, but I wonder if she would know like what's a noun?

• 19:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Negative, sir.

• 19:47Tom Segura?

  I don't think so.

• 19:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think so.

• 19:48Tom Segura?

  Verb.

• 19:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, this university she went to, is this one of those online universities?

• 19:53Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 19:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, people can get PhDs online now and shit?

• 19:56Tom Segura?

  I know, it's very misleading.

• 19:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think she went to a real school.

• 20:01Tom Segura?

  There's where she went. Liverpool Hope University.

• 20:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, is that a real place?

• 20:05Tom Segura?

  It looks like it. Yeah.

• 20:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, anyway, she's pretty and that's all that matters.

• 20:10Tom Segura?

  That is really all that's going to matter in her life.

• 20:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. Fucking who cares?

• 20:13Tom Segura?

  She's got to just set herself up for the next 10 years. Because that's why she's, well, she's the prettiest.

• 20:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  100%. Like Jeff Bezos' new wife, like she's just a professional millionaire dater. That's what that lady did.

• 20:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  There are just women who like bang rich dudes.

• 20:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, okay, that's your life, then go fucking do that.

• 20:30Tom Segura?

  Go do it, man. Enjoy it.

• 20:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  But can I tell you what I thought was kind of gross with their wedding? Like, first of all, it costs like $40 million, which is, I think, a little excessive. But like, for me, like, you're exchanging marital vows, which is a real thing, but the guest list is just A-list celebrities? It's like Oprah Winfrey, the Kardashians, Leonardo DiCaprio. Like, you're really friends with these people? You mean to tell me, like, you're really good friends? You're close enough with Leonardo and Oprah that you want them to witness marital vows?

• 21:05Tom Segura?

  I mean.

• 21:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I just think it's creepy to use your wedding.

• 21:08Tom Segura?

  There's Tom Brady and Usher.

• 21:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  A social event. You know, like, what? Why not just throw a gala or something?

• 21:14Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 21:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you want to meet these people, it's fine.

• 21:16Tom Segura?

  Well, he's friends with Leo.

• 21:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is he really?

• 21:19Tom Segura?

  No.

• 21:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jeff Bezos.

• 21:20Tom Segura?

  They're friends.

• 21:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kicks it with Leo.

• 21:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 21:24Tom Segura?

  They're friends.

• 21:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, there's Sydney's sweet tits.

• 21:28Tom Segura?

  Sydney's sweet tits.

• 21:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugly face, big tits.

• 21:33Tom Segura?

  I don't know who that is. Who am I looking at?

• 21:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brooks Nader and Ellie Goulding.

• 21:38Tom Segura?

  Don't know. No clue? Don't want to know.

• 21:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. It seems insufferable.

• 21:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  But could you imagine?

• 21:45Tom Segura?

  It's multi-gay, what they did.

• 21:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just how boring.

• 21:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Oh, there's, uh, Trump and Kushner there.

• 21:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, right, yeah.

• 21:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah. It's just big shots, man. That's how big shots do it.

• 21:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I'll never get it. Sam Altman and Karlie Kloss.

• 22:03Tom Segura?

  Karlie Kloss. Is that, is she an athlete or a model?

• 22:08Tom Segura?

  I don't know. It sounds.

• 22:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who do we invite? What celebrities do we invite to our wedding?

• 22:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  The cool guys?

• 22:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there's Oops and Gail.

• 22:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  And her girlfriend?

• 22:19Tom Segura?

  Her gay wife. Yep.

• 22:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, don't you think Oprah could just come out now and be like, I'm a big lesbian?

• 22:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, of course.

• 22:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gail and I have been eating each other's boxes for forty years. The Stedman guy.

• 22:31Tom Segura?

  Fruitifying our pussies forever. Yeah.

• 22:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, they went during COVID, I'll never forget, Oprah moved Gail onto her property in Montecito. And like, Gail lived in a house on her property. Like, what?

• 22:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  If Gail's a grown woman too, with her own life?

• 22:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  They've gotta be bonding each other.

• 22:51Tom Segura?

  You think so?

• 22:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  To be that enmeshed, like Shawna might be FF.

• 22:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You would do that too, though.

• 22:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's not staying on my pri- as an adult.

• 22:58Tom Segura?

  But you would do that if that were a thing.

• 23:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do what?

• 23:00Tom Segura?

  If there was like, you know.

• 23:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  If she needed my help?

• 23:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you'd be like, move in here.

• 23:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but Gail doesn't need her help. Gail has her own money, her own life, her own kids.

• 23:08Tom Segura?

  Maybe.

• 23:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a little weird. And she never married Stedman.

• 23:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a little weird, no?

• 23:15Tom Segura?

  He's just like, one more year, just keep this shit going. I'm sure at the end of every year, he's like, one more spin around the sun.

• 23:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shit.

• 23:24Tom Segura?

  Let's do it again. I get my allowance. Shit is nice.

• 23:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Could you imagine?

• 23:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, and the dogs.

• 23:32Tom Segura?

  What do you think she breaks him off?

• 23:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ten dogs.

• 23:34Tom Segura?

  What do you think she breaks him off?

• 23:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, to play the, the role of my boyfriend?

• 23:37Tom Segura?

  He's gotta have like a monthly stipend, right?

• 23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he's been, they've been doing the charade for what, 25 years?

• 23:43Tom Segura?

  But he also doesn't work as mu- I mean, he had a, he, look, he had his own career. He made money.

• 23:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:47Tom Segura?

  He's gotta be like, hey bitch, like, you know.

• 23:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bitch. You think he calls, anybody calls Oprah Winfrey a bitch?

• 23:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid.

• 23:54Tom Segura?

  I think he's like, hey bitch, check this out, right?

• 23:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're so stupid. No.

• 23:59Tom Segura?

  Like, look, I've been fucking you for how long right now, right?

• 24:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 24:03Tom Segura?

  And she's like, alright, alright. You think, and she has no idea what normal is anymore.

• 24:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 24:09Tom Segura?

  She's like, I'm not gonna, I'm not a sucker. You're not gonna get me. I am not gonna give you more than $2 million a month.

• 24:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so.

• 24:15Tom Segura?

  And he's like, oh, okay, I'll try to make it on that, for sure.

• 24:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would guess, they've been together for a minute. He's got his own money.

• 24:21Tom Segura?

  He does, yeah.

• 24:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he's got to play the charade so that she can, you know, rug munch with Gail.

• 24:27Tom Segura?

  This is a long time they've been fucking around.

• 24:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, I, I think, I think hush money, 10 million a year.

• 24:34Tom Segura?

  You think so?

• 24:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, to sign, sign the NDA and, oh yeah, I'm Oprah's, uh huh, we're just not getting married. It's just not in our thing.

• 24:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're just good friends, uh, I don't know. Like, come on.

• 24:46Tom Segura?

  Also, you're getting to the age where you actually, you want to have a spouse just so that like, somebody can come in the ru- like, you know what I mean? For the medical shit.

• 24:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  So when you're dead, somebody finds your body.

• 24:58Tom Segura?

  Actually be there.

• 25:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that what you think it is?

• 25:02Tom Segura?

  Motherfucker's six, seven.

• 25:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he should. Date the basketball player in the Goth.

• 25:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'd be really into it. She would like him too.

• 25:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lesbian basketball player.

• 25:11Tom Segura?

  She'd be like, oh, Stedman, yeah.

• 25:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, he doesn't seem like a lot of hot sex, does he?

• 25:17Tom Segura?

  I mean, he's seventy-four now.

• 25:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  But when, I'm saying back in the day.

• 25:21Tom Segura?

  I'm sure he threw that dick around, yeah.

• 25:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's look at it back in the day.

• 25:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he was having it, dude.

• 25:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  So is she.

• 25:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're both cute. No, she's in love with Gail, big time.

• 25:30Tom Segura?

  You think so?

• 25:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I'll tell you, when she talks, I've seen interviews where she's like, "Gail King, imagine a friend who is your biggest supporter, your best friend. She's my mother, my daughter, my sister, my lover." I mean, she is like, oh my god.

• 25:49Tom Segura?

  You think she's part of the eat a booty gang, though?

• 25:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 25:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 25:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course they're in the eat a booty gang. Who isn't in the eat a booty gang these days?

• 25:58Tom Segura?

  A lot of people are not in the eat a booty gang, yeah.

• 26:01Tom Segura?

  I found out so many of my friends have never done that. It was so baffling to me. So many.

• 26:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's because you're mentally ill. We've discussed this before. You think you're the normal one, and that's why you're even crazier than me. You think you're okay, and everyone else is fucked up around you.

• 26:17Tom Segura?

  You think you're fucking okay.

• 26:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's called a personality disorder, Tom.

• 26:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 26:23Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 26:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm neurotic because I think I'm the problem.

• 26:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you're personality disorder because you think everyone else is.

• 26:30Tom Segura?

  Get out of here. Look at this shit.

• 26:31Speaker 09

  Get over here. Get over here now!

• 26:38Speaker 09

  What did I eat yesterday?

• 26:40Speaker 00

  Pasta. Rigatoni.

• 26:47Tom Segura?

  It's a cool relationship.

• 26:50Tom Segura?

  You don't like that?

• 26:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't, I don't want to. Can I tell you why?

• 26:54Tom Segura?

  What?

• 26:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a little, it's a little fabricated.

• 26:57Tom Segura?

  Oh, a little?

• 26:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Real married couples, they go, I know what you had. You had the salad from Mendocino Farms.

• 27:05Tom Segura?

  It was very performative, yeah.

• 27:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  With the extra soyrizo chips on there. Oh, you had the ranch dressing. Cause I can tell my baby's digestion. Your farts and your toots and shits and stuff.

• 27:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you tell what I ate? No, you're not as dialed into me. I'm in two, I'm dialed into you.

• 27:24Tom Segura?

  You know.

• 27:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I'm the woman, I'm a lady.

• 27:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a mother.

• 27:27Tom Segura?

  You have toddlers.

• 27:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't even know what my middle name is. What's my middle name?

• 27:31Tom Segura?

  Whatever. Edith.

• 27:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where was I born? It's not, I changed it.

• 27:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where was I born?

• 27:39Tom Segura?

  Windsor, Ontario, Canada.

• 27:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's my, what's my sign?

• 27:43Tom Segura?

  Your sign?

• 27:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  My astrological sign?

• 27:45Tom Segura?

  Oh, who gives a shit?

• 27:47Speaker 09

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• 28:19Speaker 10

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• 28:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't know?

• 28:48Tom Segura?

  I don't care.

• 28:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't know?

• 28:50Tom Segura?

  I don't care.

• 28:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't fucking know?

• 28:53Tom Segura?

  I'm not a fucking broad. I don't care about that shit.

• 28:58Tom Segura?

  You were born in June.

• 28:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll give you a hundred dollars if you can tell me my astrological sign.

• 29:03Tom Segura?

  I don't know what any of those are. I don't even know.

• 29:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. You don't know your wife's astrological sign?

• 29:07Tom Segura?

  No, she's a Taurus.

• 29:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Final answer?

• 29:11Tom Segura?

  No, I don't care.

• 29:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I want you to tell me.

• 29:13Tom Segura?

  I don't know what they are.

• 29:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  You do know what they are.

• 29:15Tom Segura?

  I don't.

• 29:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Josh, bring up the signs.

• 29:18Tom Segura?

  Oh, boy.

• 29:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  And guess. Don't say what month they're correlated to.

• 29:22Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 29:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because, so, you know, tricky, tricky.

• 29:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  What school? Do you know what school your sons go to?

• 29:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know what schools they go to.

• 29:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's my name?

• 29:31Tom Segura?

  Okay, you are a fucking... You're either a Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Libra, or Scorpio, I think, or Capricorn, or Aquarius. Which one is it?

• 29:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Butt slop. Pick one.

• 29:47Tom Segura?

  I just did.

• 29:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 29:49Tom Segura?

  You're a Taurus. You're a Libra. You're a Capricorn.

• 29:53Tom Segura?

  You're a Chasitarius.

• 29:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  A Chasitarius?

• 29:57Tom Segura?

  You're...

• 29:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm Chasitarius.

• 29:59Tom Segura?

  You're Chasitarius. You're Pisces. What are you?

• 30:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guess.

• 30:05Tom Segura?

  I just, I don't know.

• 30:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Butt hole. Just guess one, so I can tell you if you're right or not.

• 30:09Tom Segura?

  Okay, you're Libra.

• 30:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Final answer?

• 30:12Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 30:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Libra.

• 30:14Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I just said ten times.

• 30:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Josh, go ahead and tell him what month a Libra corresponds to.

• 30:20Tom Segura?

  October. So you're not a Libra. So what are you? Can I also tell you this, though, before you tell me? Can I just please tell you this?

• 30:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cut, cut, off, two for a second.

• 30:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah, can I? Can I tell you this? And I mean this with all sincerity.

• 30:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  All do. And I mean all sincerity.

• 30:37Tom Segura?

  All sincerity. I don't care.

• 30:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't care.

• 30:40Tom Segura?

  I don't care.

• 30:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I'm a man.

• 30:42Tom Segura?

  No, no, I just don't care.

• 30:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know you don't care.

• 30:45Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 30:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why you're a bigger sociopath than me.

• 30:47Tom Segura?

  Gemini. I said that one. I fucking said that.

• 30:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Out of all the twelve?

• 30:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I said it.

• 30:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  In all the twelve, you were like Pisces, Aries, Libra, Scorpios.

• 30:57Tom Segura?

  I already guessed it.

• 30:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Geminis.

• 30:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, did he guess Gemini first? No.

• 31:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I was first.

• 31:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lies.

• 31:04Tom Segura?

  If you played the tape back, I said Gemini, and then you were like, is that your final? And I moved on.

• 31:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 31:08Tom Segura?

  So I had it right.

• 31:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're such a lying face. God's gonna punish you so hard. You know, and I hope, I hope that surfer finds you and shaves the other fucking side of your dumb beard.

• 31:18Tom Segura?

  That's so fucking rude.

• 31:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 31:19Tom Segura?

  What am I?

• 31:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, Aries.

• 31:21Tom Segura?

  How do you know?

• 31:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I looked it up when we started dating dipshit. Cause that's what girls do. They look you up. And they look you up and they go, oh my god, he's in the seventh ascendant of the thing.

• 31:31Tom Segura?

  So you, are you putting together why I didn't do it? Cause I'm not a fucking chick and chicks are dumb.

• 31:37Tom Segura?

  Okay?

• 31:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dumb broad.

• 31:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but cheeseburger whistle, listen. Hamburger slice is that? After just knowing somebody for 20 years, well, you've known me since I was 25. You never thought.

• 31:51Tom Segura?

  Didn't care and still don't.

• 31:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You never thought.

• 31:53Tom Segura?

  By the way, I will forget that you are this and I will, I will do.

• 31:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know you will.

• 31:59Tom Segura?

  I will say something else.

• 32:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  And this is your sociopathy. Now you're gonna double down on it and go, oh yeah? Well, I'm still gonna forget it.

• 32:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I am.

• 32:07Tom Segura?

  I am. Okay?

• 32:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're the worst. Aries, Aries, Aries.

• 32:13Tom Segura?

  Okay. All right.

• 32:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I give you a redeeming yourself question?

• 32:16Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 32:18Tom Segura?

  She's a Libra. I got it. Go ahead.

• 32:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, shut up.

• 32:21Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 32:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Death row meal. What am I gonna pick?

• 32:24Tom Segura?

  Oh shit.

• 32:27Tom Segura?

  Your death row meal?

• 32:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can do this, Tom. Dig deep. You've known me since I was 25 years old. You can do this, Tom.

• 32:37Tom Segura?

  I mean.

• 32:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a few and I'm thinking about five things. It could be one of like five things.

• 32:42Tom Segura?

  Well, I definitely think you would do Korean at some point in your death row.

• 32:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 32:47Tom Segura?

  I think you would do kimchi and kalbi.

• 32:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 32:52Tom Segura?

  I think that would be a part of it.

• 32:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's in the foreign category, but let's go like day to day. I could make this at home. I'm leading the, I'm leading you a little bit here for fuck's sake, man.

• 33:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know I'm trailer trash.

• 33:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  So fucking think about it.

• 33:07Tom Segura?

  Well, what? You're gonna make mac and cheese and shake and bake?

• 33:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's close.

• 33:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's pretty close, right? Yeah.

• 33:18Tom Segura?

  I mean, you like to make soups all the time, poop soup. But you make it all the time, dude.

• 33:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Death row. This is it. This is the end of my life.

• 33:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. You know I like shitty spaghetti with cheap spaghetti.

• 33:31Tom Segura?

  With your fucking, uh, your cheap cheese, your Parmesan shit.

• 33:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. Shaky cheese.

• 33:37Tom Segura?

  But that's not.

• 33:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  And ragout. I love that.

• 33:39Tom Segura?

  That's not necessarily number one, though. Don't act like.

• 33:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is in my heart. Or I would have accepted Stouffer's French Bread Pizza.

• 33:46Tom Segura?

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 33:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love Stouffer's French Bread.

• 33:49Tom Segura?

  Over the Korean stuff? No, you would not.

• 33:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  In my heart, but I don't eat it as much because it's unhealthy. I'm not supposed to eat that stuff.

• 33:55Tom Segura?

  Bro, you never have this. Don't act like.

• 33:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's in the freezer now in Texas, on our children's eyes. Right now, there's a Stouffer's French Bread Pizza. There's one. Yes, there is. I know exactly. I see it in my mind's eye.

• 34:06Tom Segura?

  Fuck you. That is not on your death row list.

• 34:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is, bro.

• 34:12Tom Segura?

  Okay, then you're another person. I don't know you.

• 34:17Tom Segura?

  That's insane. Stouffer. Like, you act like, oh, we always talk about Stouffers and how much you love this shit.

• 34:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do love it. I've talked about it. Okay, I'll give you one more thing. One more thing. My favorite band of all time.

• 34:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's easy. That's fucking easy, bro.

• 34:33Tom Segura?

  It's Huey Lewis and the News.

• 34:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, fuck off. There's a guest here. Let's go. We're divorcing. This is terrible. Thank you. Thank you. Good job.

• 34:42Tom Segura?

  Bro, what did I get you?

• 34:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Clap for everybody. Tom Guest, Bauhaus.

• 34:45Tom Segura?

  What did I just bring you?

• 34:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got me the Bauhaus coasters. I really appreciate that. Robert Smith.

• 34:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. You got it. I appreciate that.

• 34:53Tom Segura?

  Fucking gypsy.

• 34:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid Aries.

• 34:55Tom Segura?

  All right. Let's, uh, let's reset here. I'm fucking with a Libra. You know how it is. All right, we'll take a little break.

• 35:06Tom Segura?

  And we are back and we are joined by one of our all-time favorites. He's the host of The Honeydew and The Way Back. You can see his current special, Lefty's Son on YouTube. There's a new one coming out called Live and Alive.

• 35:19Speaker 11

  That's correct.

• 35:19Tom Segura?

  And you can see him, uh, live if you get tickets at RyanSickler.com. It's Ryan Sickler, everybody.

• 35:26Speaker 11

  Thank you for having me back, guys. Good to be. It's been a minute.

• 35:29Tom Segura?

  It's been a minute, dude. You look good.

• 35:31Speaker 11

  Thank you, man.

• 35:31Tom Segura?

  You're trimmed down.

• 35:32Speaker 11

  I'm trying to take after you, dude.

• 35:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah. How? You look, you trimmed down a lot.

• 35:35Speaker 11

  I needed to. I was, you know, once I got on that scale and I was like, what's going on here? And then, uh, I went and did your bad thoughts and I said, um, I looked down. To try to see my big fake dick and I couldn't see it over my real big gut. And I was like, it's fucking time, bro. I got a hammer down there.

• 35:54Tom Segura?

  That was it. So in a way.

• 35:55Speaker 11

  Yeah, that was, it really inspired me to lose.

• 35:57Tom Segura?

  You're somebody that can say that big dick changed my life. Yeah.

• 35:59Speaker 11

  That big dick changed my life and my health.

• 36:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:02Speaker 11

  That's awesome, bro.

• 36:03Tom Segura?

  You look great. So you've been just eating healthier?

• 36:06Speaker 11

  Eating better. I'm not killing myself in any way to go, you know. Uh, but just making smarter decisions, but cardio has been the thing too, that I've, um, just since the injury, I couldn't. I was always in pain. So dropping the weights help and I'm out doing cardio now. And that just also changes your mental perspective. I love getting outside in the sun and just walking and getting some exercise.

• 36:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:28Speaker 11

  What killed you right now?

• 36:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can't do that. I'm a vampire.

• 36:31Speaker 11

  Right now, yeah.

• 36:32Tom Segura?

  You're down almost 30 pounds.

• 36:33Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 36:33Tom Segura?

  That's incredible.

• 36:34Speaker 11

  Without Ozempic or any of that stuff. I'm not, I'm not saying any people should, but even my doctor, when I went to see him, he's like, you should definitely start losing some weight here. Just get that off your spine. And do you want to try Ozempic? And I was like, no, I haven't even begun to begin to take this seriously. Like if I genuinely take it seriously and I, you know, I'm still a fat ass, then yeah, I'll come back to see you for a needle. But let me just really see if I can. And I'll be honest, I'm surprised at 52 that if you just make some, I mean, they're not, I'm not doing anything crazy. Yeah. If you just do it and get in the groove and keep doing it, it still works the same.

• 37:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it looks great. You look great, man.

• 37:13Speaker 11

  Thank you, brother.

• 37:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You are. So happy.

• 37:15Tom Segura?

  Well, I mean, especially.

• 37:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially me right now.

• 37:17Speaker 11

  Right now. Look at this.

• 37:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I can't wait for you to see my eyebrows up. Oh, there you go. Doesn't that look nice?

• 37:22Speaker 11

  Now I see you.

• 37:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. This is why I do it.

• 37:24Speaker 11

  I gotta cover up this, uh, pink eye I got out in your lobby out there from some shag pillow from 1968. That's been dusted. What is that?

• 37:31Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 37:32Speaker 11

  But your eye looks super irritated. Yeah, it is. It is irritated. Just one of them.

• 37:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  When's the last time you had pink eye for real?

• 37:39Speaker 11

  Oh God, as a kid.

• 37:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up. That's because he has got a daughter. When you have boys, the pink eye is.

• 37:45Speaker 11

  Oh, you know what? I never did get pink. I was thinking about that. Yeah, I do have a kid now. I never did get pink eye. Look, knock on wood. I don't want to jinx it. We've, we've avoided pink eye and we've also avoided, um,

• 37:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lice.

• 37:56Speaker 11

  Lice. Knock on wood. So far, we've avoided lice.

• 37:59Tom Segura?

  I've woken up with one of my son's assholes on my eye.

• 38:05Tom Segura?

  And I've been like, well, I'm about to get something. That's red eye, bro.

• 38:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he, uh, he put his asshole on your face and farted.

• 38:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Oh, that's definitely a big guy, yeah. It smelled bad. Yeah. You don't have to be that old for it to smell like an old man's fart. Isn't that interesting? It's really interesting, yeah. Like, comes out with that dust. I was like, huh, that smells like a, just a 35-year-old trucker.

• 38:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, it smells bad from the jump.

• 38:26Tom Segura?

  It smells real bad. Um, this is pretty cool. I've, I've found this. I don't know if you've seen this story yet.

• 38:31Speaker 12

  I've never seen anything remotely resembling something like this.

• 38:36Speaker 13

  Officers in Bergen County say they're taking action against what they call a hostile work environment created by the police chief. They're planning to file a lawsuit alleging some pretty disturbing behavior. These are just some of the photos provided by Toscano. Allegations made against Chief Robert Farley include sending a gay pride flag to an officer's home, shaving his body hair and leaving it all over an officer's desk and personal property, and jabbing an officer with a hypodermic needle through his pants. Officers also say he pulled his pants down and defecated on the floor in front of his entire staff.

• 39:09Tom Segura?

  Entire staff.

• 39:10Speaker 13

  On several occasions, he has thrown eggs in fits of anger, creating additional messes for staff to clean up. And they say he also tampered with the office coffee by adding prescription medications, such as Adderall and Viagra, causing staff to inadvertently experience the effects of these substances without their consent.

• 39:29Tom Segura?

  Hey, chief, that's the chief of police.

• 39:32Speaker 11

  Chief. I like how he went like, send a gay pride flag.

• 39:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:36Speaker 11

  And then it was like, stabbed a guy in the fucking leg with a needle, took a shit on his mom's house. Like, what the fuck? This is kept getting worse.

• 39:44Tom Segura?

  You know they had the list. They're like, all right, let's pick this order.

• 39:47Speaker 11

  Hundred percent they, but also the chief, as he's doing, is like, how am I topping that?

• 39:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:51Speaker 11

  How am I gonna top that one? I'm gonna stick this guy with a hypodermic needle on the ju-

• 39:56Tom Segura?

  And it's so perfect that it's Jersey.

• 39:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, makes sense.

• 39:58Tom Segura?

  It's like the most corrupt state in the country.

• 40:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  But also, don't you think 20 years ago, nobody would bat an eye at some crazy shit like this?

• 40:05Tom Segura?

  No.

• 40:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You'd be like, that's just Jerry.

• 40:07Speaker 11

  If this is, yup. That's just, that's fucking Jerry.

• 40:09Tom Segura?

  Jerry.

• 40:10Speaker 11

  Just Chief Jerry, man.

• 40:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry, he does.

• 40:12Speaker 11

  Shaved his balls and sent it to my house.

• 40:13Tom Segura?

  Chief Farley?

• 40:14Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 40:14Tom Segura?

  Sent it to my house.

• 40:15Speaker 11

  I got his pubes right here.

• 40:16Tom Segura?

  Shaved his back on my desk. Yeah. It's so crazy.

• 40:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, this just sounds like the 90s.

• 40:23Speaker 04

  It's so gross if you have your fucking chief's back hair all over you, just.

• 40:29Tom Segura?

  What is all this shit?

• 40:30Speaker 04

  All over my laptop.

• 40:31Tom Segura?

  Chief trimmed up over here. Right before he shit on the floor, shaved his back over.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  Oh, that's his shit over there?

• 40:38Tom Segura?

  What's that? Oh, he threw an egg at the wall, he was pissed.

• 40:42Tom Segura?

  Then he stabbed me in the leg with a needle.

• 40:47Tom Segura?

  Mailed a flag to my house, calling me a swig.

• 40:49Speaker 04

  That's crazier to take a shit, because you don't know what's in that needle.

• 40:52Tom Segura?

  No.

• 40:52Speaker 04

  He's like, "I got this off a suspect this morning."

• 40:56Tom Segura?

  I mean, that's the whole thing, is cops are always like, "You got anything sharp that can stab me?" That's all they ask.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  And they go, "Stick me if I go in those pockets?"

• 41:03Tom Segura?

  Chief, Chief's gonna stab me.

• 41:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I do appreciate the Adderall in the coffee, because that is a strong cup.

• 41:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You get that, it's white lightning.

• 41:11Tom Segura?

  And Viagra, so they're getting boners and they're all fucking jacked up.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  The whole police briefs, things wide awake with their dick hard out on the fucking.

• 41:19Tom Segura?

  Hey, Chief, we're all hard, what's going on? Ah, I fucked with your guys' coffee today.

• 41:23Speaker 04

  You are, huh? Yeah, man, what'd you see today?

• 41:25Tom Segura?

  I got you guys.

• 41:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can your body even handle Adderall with?

• 41:30Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 41:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think you're supposed to be that apt up.

• 41:34Tom Segura?

  That's a lot, a lot of stimulants.

• 41:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  So much.

• 41:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, because you got, you got speed and you got open capillaries.

• 41:41Speaker 04

  Can you imagine looking in your rearview and a fucking cop sauntering up, he's just got a fucking hard dick? Like, this guy really smoked, he got me, man.

• 41:49Tom Segura?

  He loved pulling me over.

• 41:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so excited to see me, man.

• 41:58Tom Segura?

  I think that Chief has to do a statement, right? This is the statement. Oh, yes.

• 42:02Speaker 13

  The defendant denies any wrongdoing, calling the allegations false and outrageous.

• 42:06Tom Segura?

  Outrageous.

• 42:07Speaker 13

  Claiming they were made by disgruntled officers.

• 42:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 42:09Speaker 13

  In a new statement late today, the township says some of the officers planning to file suit recently had their overtime pay reduced.

• 42:16Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 42:17Speaker 13

  Writing, "When Chief Farley took office last year, he undertook an initiative to reduce the amount of police overtime. It is highly suspicious that these allegations have only come to light after Chief Farley instituted these reforms."

• 42:30Speaker 12

  They all immediately said, as to any allegation that they have filed, they will all undergo polygraph examinations immediately.

• 42:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 42:40Speaker 11

  Chief's like, "Hey, you guys, overtime." You know, it's just disgruntled overtime people right now, saying I shit on the floor.

• 42:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. Which sounds like something a guy that shits on the floor would say.

• 42:50Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 42:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right?

• 42:51Speaker 11

  No doubt.

• 42:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, "I mean, they're just mad at me. God." Fucking crybabies.

• 42:55Speaker 11

  I cut their overtime, next thing you know, I'm stabbing people with needles. I mean, come on, man. Like, we'll take a lie detector. Yeah, yeah. You're a piece of shit, Chief. You ever have to take a lie detector? Have you ever taken one?

• 43:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, have you?

• 43:05Speaker 11

  You guys never did one on this show or anything?

• 43:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  We should.

• 43:07Speaker 11

  You should. I never have, but my Aunt Marguerite was forced to take one.

• 43:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 43:11Speaker 11

  She was forced to take one when she was working for Rite Aid back in the eighties.

• 43:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rite Aid?

• 43:16Speaker 11

  She was a cashier at Rite Aid on Eastern Avenue in Baltimore, Maryland, in Highland Town. And some money went missing. And so they blamed her and some other cashiers. And long story short, they told her they had to pass a lie detector test.

• 43:33Speaker 11

  And to save their job. So they contacted an attorney, she said, "Look, I don't care if you stole it or not. Did you steal it?" They said, "No, we're not stealing anything." She goes, "Okay, then if they're telling you you have to take that test to save your job, that's illegal. You go take that test. Pass that test, we got them." They all passed the test. They open up a case, again, long story short, turns out, the bigwigs are embezzling, blaming it on these ladies. My Aunt Marguerite cashes in in the eighties for 1.4 million dollars, y'all.

• 44:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 44:06Speaker 11

  Baltimore rich. Yeah.

• 44:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's awesome.

• 44:08Speaker 11

  She was the sort of the ringleader that got the attorney and everything, so she got a little more. But I think there were like four ladies and they all got over a million dollars.

• 44:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good shit. Good for them.

• 44:18Speaker 11

  Good for them. Yeah.

• 44:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So the point of the story is?

• 44:20Speaker 11

  That's a game changer for her, right? Yeah, big time. She moved her grandkids out. I mean, but like, this is Baltimore City, they went, "Right here."

• 44:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's always her.

• 44:29Speaker 11

  Right here, you know what I mean? It didn't go, "Ah, we're..." They went, "Right here." Yeah, yeah. But game changer, yeah, yeah. Is this, by the way, are you doing stuff like this?

• 44:38Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan, and when I say I like ass, I mean, god damn, I like ass.

• 44:46Speaker 11

  I mean, I'll tell you what.

• 44:47Tom Segura?

  You're Ryan?

• 44:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 44:48Speaker 11

  I am. I got pink eye. I should ask him what he's doing eating that ass, cause he doesn't have it. You know what I mean? I got it, he doesn't have it.

• 44:55Tom Segura?

  And you're both Ryan, you both love ass. And this also feels like you could have done this one.

• 44:59Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan, and I just got a fresh cut for all you beautiful black goddesses out there.

• 45:04Speaker 11

  Yeah, you know, sometimes, sometimes a haircut makes you feel nice. Sometimes a good haircut makes you feel nice.

• 45:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's one of these people who talks around their teeth, too.

• 45:16Tom Segura?

  And you gotta smell the roses.

• 45:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, you know there's people that they talk around their teeth?

• 45:22Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:23Speaker 11

  Never heard that.

• 45:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got that.

• 45:25Tom Segura?

  He's got a lot of teeth.

• 45:26Speaker 11

  A lot of acts.

• 45:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's gotta talk around the teeth.

• 45:28Tom Segura?

  You got a whole lot of mouth going on, Ryan.

• 45:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I got a fresh haircut.

• 45:32Tom Segura?

  I got a fresh cut for the beautiful black princesses out there.

• 45:35Speaker 11

  Does he, do we know more about this guy?

• 45:36Tom Segura?

  That's it so far.

• 45:37Speaker 11

  Does he have a black girlfriend or anything?

• 45:39Tom Segura?

  I think he wants one.

• 45:40Speaker 11

  Yeah, he definitely wants one.

• 45:41Tom Segura?

  Beautiful black goddesses, yeah.

• 45:43Speaker 11

  Alright, good luck with that.

• 45:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm Ryan, and I got a-

• 45:45Tom Segura?

  I'm Ryan? You should start doing those. I'm Ryan, and I just got, I just lost thirty pounds.

• 45:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Ryan.

• 45:52Tom Segura?

  I love black women.

• 45:54Speaker 11

  And then just end it like that, fight down them.

• 45:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do it, Ryan, do it. Do it as him.

• 46:00Speaker 11

  As him?

• 46:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:02Speaker 11

  My name is Ryan, I just got a fresh cut for all you beautiful black goddesses.

• 46:09Tom Segura?

  Dude, that is a great lane for you.

• 46:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, that was such a good Ryan.

• 46:13Speaker 11

  I'm gonna start making shorts, guy.

• 46:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's so good.

• 46:16Tom Segura?

  He doesn't waste any words. It's all right there.

• 46:19Speaker 11

  It is.

• 46:19Tom Segura?

  Both of them.

• 46:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Direct message.

• 46:20Speaker 11

  If you're a black lady that likes getting her ass eaten, this is your guy right here.

• 46:23Tom Segura?

  He's doing six second videos.

• 46:25Speaker 11

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's really interesting. Most people go on too long.

• 46:28Speaker 11

  Yeah, you're right. Long winds, it's all right there, you know?

• 46:31Tom Segura?

  Right there.

• 46:31Speaker 11

  I got the full message.

• 46:32Tom Segura?

  I got a cut, and I like black ass.

• 46:34Speaker 11

  I'm looking good, I'm feeling good. Black ladies, spread those cheeks.

• 46:37Tom Segura?

  Yep, that's what I want.

• 46:38Speaker 11

  Six seconds.

• 46:39Tom Segura?

  It's perfect, man. Um, what did I pull for you? Oh, yeah, some cool videos.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 46:51Speaker 04

  That was to the face. That's car, is he in a truck?

• 46:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's in a car wash.

• 46:59Speaker 04

  With his mouth open too, you dick. He's fucked.

• 47:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  But how many times have you wanted to do that?

• 47:06Speaker 04

  Oh, I mean, being in an open car wash has always been like a, seems like a fun thing to do.

• 47:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I didn't realize that could happen to you. You get hit in the head, then you should definitely close your mouth.

• 47:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm not opening my fucking, I would do that with goggles and shit on. I'm not opening my fucking mouth in there. Like, what an asshole. That's recycled water and so like... It's so gross, dude. It's disgusting. It's all the dirty water running off everyone else's car being recycled back through that and he's like...

• 47:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that true?

• 47:34Speaker 04

  It's so disgusting. It's so gross.

• 47:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I want that whipper will thing to come over me. That thing that's...

• 47:42Speaker 04

  Just scratch your back and shit?

• 47:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that seems fun.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  It would feel good, I feel like. It'd probably tear your skin.

• 47:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's Ryan.

• 47:52Speaker 04

  There's Ryan.

• 47:54Speaker 04

  What the fuck?

• 48:06Speaker 04

  He kept pedaling though. I don't understand that. He could've stopped. It looked like he just... He intentionally did that.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  He's slowing down. He's slowing down. He said, "Nah, nevermind." Look, oh my god!

• 48:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  His sounds are amazing.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  Those are great sounds.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  Oh my god, did we find Ryan's page? Oh, these have gotta be gold.

• 48:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop. The stitches are coming out.

• 48:37Speaker 04

  Are they all just gonna be, "I'm Ryan"? Ryan and hopefully I get a big black booty in my face.

• 48:46Tom Segura?

  That was it.

• 48:47Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan and I have a confession.

• 48:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit.

• 48:50Tom Segura?

  Is it about black ass?

• 48:51Speaker 04

  Smell of woman's but like a dog.

• 48:54Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan and I'm watching WWE United Champions and it's Jade Cargill and uh Jade Cargill and Oscar match and they're booing Jade Cargill. Saudi Arabia doesn't know what they're saying, bro. Like Jade Cargill is a beautiful dominant athlete and she's just, oh, she's everything what a woman should be.

• 49:18Tom Segura?

  He's just trying to work around.

• 49:19Speaker 04

  What you women should be like.

• 49:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's.

• 49:22Speaker 04

  Don't boo Jade Cargill.

• 49:23Tom Segura?

  He's working around those teeth.

• 49:24Speaker 11

  I'll tell you what, longest, longest post yet.

• 49:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:29Speaker 11

  About wrestling.

• 49:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:31Speaker 11

  So, you know what I'm saying?

• 49:32Tom Segura?

  I know exactly what you're saying.

• 49:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know what you're saying. I know what you mean.

• 49:35Speaker 11

  Longest one. He didn't stop talking about wrestling.

• 49:37Tom Segura?

  Scroll down and just pick a random one.

• 49:38Speaker 11

  I like black ass.

• 49:41Tom Segura?

  Can you go down?

• 49:41Speaker 11

  When it comes to wrestling.

• 49:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, just pick a random one. Yeah, here we go.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan and to people who like to talk shit about other people, behind their back, not to me personally, but to anyone who likes to talk shit.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  And not confront like other people about them talking shit.

• 50:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love talking shit.

• 50:02Speaker 04

  They're the cowards. They're the childish ones. They're, I don't know, man, I'm just sorry for people who like starts rumors and all this other stuff and like it doesn't matter how big and bad you think you are.

• 50:18Tom Segura?

  You're not.

• 50:19Speaker 04

  You do that.

• 50:20Tom Segura?

  You're a child.

• 50:20Speaker 04

  You're a child.

• 50:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  How'd you know he was gonna say that?

• 50:23Tom Segura?

  Just kind of put it together.

• 50:24Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 50:24Tom Segura?

  I'm good. I've been watching a lot of Ryan's shit.

• 50:26Speaker 11

  Yeah, I can tell. I can tell. What do you think his mom made him for dinner that night? You know, you know she's right in the next room. He ain't living by himself.

• 50:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think Frito pie.

• 50:35Tom Segura?

  How down, how far down does this go?

• 50:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's.

• 50:37Tom Segura?

  Oh, wow.

• 50:38Speaker 11

  Look at, he's been here for years.

• 50:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, guys.

• 50:40Tom Segura?

  Can we uh?

• 50:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, there's a chick.

• 50:42Speaker 11

  There's a lady in there.

• 50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, guys. This is Ryan.

• 50:44Speaker 11

  Who's this?

• 50:45Tom Segura?

  Let's see.

• 50:46Speaker 00

  What would you do if you were doing it and I whipped this out?

• 50:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's pretty funny.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Just gonna put them back together. I, I, I, I can't do this.

• 51:02Tom Segura?

  That was pretty good, Ryan.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  I can't.

• 51:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was funny, yeah.

• 51:04Tom Segura?

  That was pretty funny. What about the next one? Is he doing, I'm Ryan?

• 51:08Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan, and I had to take down my last, uh, post because I feel like it kind of offended people because of the ginormous ass. And also, I'm not, I, I, I was just trying to have fun, so.

• 51:22Tom Segura?

  You know what's great about this guy? He's totally on brand, always. He's still, we just went back like a couple of years and he was like, ah, it was a big ass.

• 51:29Speaker 11

  Respectfully also, though, he has a fan base who was like, hey, man, that's not cool.

• 51:34Tom Segura?

  How many followers?

• 51:35Speaker 11

  Let me listen and take him down.

• 51:36Tom Segura?

  Does he have?

• 51:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's go back to the beginning.

• 51:38Tom Segura?

  Oh, he's got ten? Is it 10,000?

• 51:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ryan, damn.

• 51:42Speaker 11

  I mean, hey, buddy's an influencer at this point.

• 51:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 51:45Tom Segura?

  Ryan's doing his shit, man.

• 51:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just like girls that.

• 51:48Speaker 11

  Just wanna be black ass.

• 51:49Tom Segura?

  Black ass.

• 51:50Speaker 11

  I like black ass.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan, I'm 33.

• 51:53Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 51:53Speaker 04

  I need a Valentine's Day date and a good book.

• 51:57Tom Segura?

  And what?

• 51:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  And a good book. He doesn't read books, let's be honest.

• 52:00Tom Segura?

  Sally said fuck. I thought you said I want a good book.

• 52:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, maybe I misunderstood.

• 52:04Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan, I'm 33. I need a Valentine's Day date and a good book.

• 52:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 52:11Speaker 11

  I'm sure he said fuck.

• 52:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sorry. I would want a good book.

• 52:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you were way off on that.

• 52:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Way off.

• 52:17Tom Segura?

  He's not looking at books.

• 52:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not looking, no.

• 52:19Speaker 11

  No, no.

• 52:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm Ryan.

• 52:20Speaker 11

  He's got an ass blocking his view. What are you talking about?

• 52:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, what? Valentine's Day, a good fuck.

• 52:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I like that he randomly posts hot chicks, though. That's a cool move, too. Nice.

• 52:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's a wrestler, for sure.

• 52:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan, and this is Stephanie Velkura.

• 52:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 04

  WWE wrestler.

• 52:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:47Speaker 04

  Don't know how to pronounce her last name, but that doesn't matter. She's freaking hot.

• 52:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  We know, we know, we know.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Do her so bad.

• 52:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  We got it.

• 52:56Tom Segura?

  You know, here's the thing, Ryan. Keep putting that out there. One thing I've learned is that if you tell chicks you want to get in there, they, they listen.

• 53:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love that.

• 53:04Speaker 11

  No doubt. It's called manifesting, Ryan. The more you keep putting these videos out, the more black ass is gonna be sitting on your face, buddy. You're not even gonna be able to see in a few months.

• 53:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you know what's gonna happen and what he's thinking, and I know he's thinking in his mind, is that Stephanie Velalaska, whatever her name is, she's gonna see that. And then she's gonna be all, oh my god, is that-

• 53:25Tom Segura?

  Who's Ryan?

• 53:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ryan, who likes big asses?

• 53:28Speaker 11

  And I'm guessing that's the moment he switches from the black ass to brown ass.

• 53:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:33Speaker 11

  You know what I mean?

• 53:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Then he takes down all the black ass videos.

• 53:36Speaker 11

  Yeah, and he's like, hey, I'm Ryan, I gotta take all this shit down.

• 53:38Tom Segura?

  Cause she's gonna be like-

• 53:38Speaker 11

  Cause it's actually brown ass.

• 53:39Tom Segura?

  What am I, like, second place to you?

• 53:41Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 53:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she'll be insulted.

• 53:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  He didn't think that through.

• 53:44Speaker 11

  No.

• 53:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Also, like, when social media, when I first started posting, I would be like, hey, it's Christina, and, uh, come see me at the Funny Bone. And I remember in the comments, somebody was like, yeah, we know who you are, dummy. You don't have to say it every time. I'm like, oh yeah.

• 53:58Tom Segura?

  Who's the guy on the far right there? It looks like he's coming out of a bender.

• 54:03Speaker 04

  I'm not posting any more videos. Fuck all of you for never showing up. Well, no one's gonna miss you.

• 54:09Tom Segura?

  Wow!

• 54:10Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan, and I'm still gonna make videos.

• 54:13Speaker 11

  He dropped, he, he gave us a little button at the top, and then hit us with, hi, I'm Ryan. Cold open. Nobody's gonna miss ya. Hi, I'm Ryan. I'm gonna keep doing my thing.

• 54:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, I'm Ryan.

• 54:28Tom Segura?

  I really hope you adopt, hi, I'm Ryan.

• 54:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 54:30Tom Segura?

  I'm Ryan.

• 54:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, I'm Ryan.

• 54:32Tom Segura?

  I have a show this weekend.

• 54:33Speaker 11

  Oh, god.

• 54:35Tom Segura?

  Oh, there's, who's the big muscular guy?

• 54:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, I'm Ryan. It's Ryan.

• 54:39Tom Segura?

  Is, he's, oh, really? Just?

• 54:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  AI Ryan?

• 54:42Speaker 04

  AI Ryan.

• 54:42Tom Segura?

  AI Ryan, wow!

• 54:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Hi, I'm Brian.

• 54:46Tom Segura?

  Ryan, if you get like that, I promise you're gonna get all the black ass you want.

• 54:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you get any ass.

• 54:51Speaker 11

  Male black ass. And I don't think female black ass. I think it's a different kind of black ass coming my way.

• 54:56Tom Segura?

  Ah, shit.

• 54:57Speaker 11

  Be down in West Hollywood, just, yeah.

• 55:00Tom Segura?

  Tap n' ass.

• 55:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's black.

• 55:03Tom Segura?

  Hi, I'm Ryan.

• 55:12Speaker 04

  Man, dale, dale.

• 55:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  We knew that was gonna happen.

• 55:27Speaker 11

  Listen, this is my, your husband, as you know, is a psycho. My whole feed is people dying.

• 55:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:35Speaker 11

  People being paralyzed.

• 55:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 11

  People being shot at.

• 55:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 55:39Speaker 11

  Um, people falling and hurting themselves. Every now and then, there's like a little like, "Look at this weird one here." I sent him one the other day where some dude died. Did you see this? Some guy fucking died and his last wish was to rent a helicopter and just drop cash from the sky for everybody. And the whole fucking streets are out there and they're just letting cash fly out.

• 55:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's nice.

• 55:59Speaker 11

  Yeah, that was crazy. I have to try to break up the algorithm with shit like that because it's just pure murder on my...

• 56:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because of what he's sending you is what you're saying.

• 56:07Speaker 11

  Yeah, watching a guy just have his neck and spine snapped for 14 minutes on a bull because they can't get them off.

• 56:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  So...

• 56:14Speaker 11

  Shit like that. It's just jelly on there. I'm like, "God forbid."

• 56:18Speaker 04

  That one was crazy, dude.

• 56:21Speaker 11

  They can't get them off.

• 56:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  But Sickler, he has, so the other night, he said that he thinks I'm more mentally unwell than him.

• 56:28Speaker 11

  But why?

• 56:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That I'm a sociopath, I don't have feelings, and I'm crazier. He thinks he's normal.

• 56:33Speaker 11

  He's just like a cold communist, dude.

• 56:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but I'm Eastern European, this is cultural.

• 56:37Speaker 11

  Okay, cultural killer, fine.

• 56:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  He thinks I'm way crazier.

• 56:41Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 56:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  No way, right?

• 56:42Speaker 11

  But you think you're not because you just like laugh at it and send it and it's like...

• 56:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, he really enjoys it though, right?

• 56:48Speaker 11

  I know he does.

• 56:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  You saw the joy when you brought these videos up.

• 56:50Speaker 11

  I get like three a day of like horrific shit.

• 56:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at him laughing on it.

• 56:53Speaker 11

  I know, and I don't...

• 56:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 56:55Speaker 11

  Whoa, there are some other random ones scattered in there too.

• 57:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, like what, Tom?

• 57:03Speaker 11

  Tell you all there about that one.

• 57:04Speaker 04

  There's all kinds of stuff.

• 57:06Speaker 11

  All kinds of stuff.

• 57:09Speaker 11

  That was a good one.

• 57:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Classics.

• 57:15Speaker 11

  Little weird.

• 57:17Speaker 04

  That was a fucking fastball to the nuts, dude.

• 57:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Terrible.

• 57:26Speaker 11

  My favorite, you ever seen the one, uh, Major League players?

• 57:31Speaker 11

  Get mad at the ump.

• 57:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:33Speaker 11

  And they fucking move out of the way, or they'll drop the glove and hit the guy in the neck and shit. And shit's coming in, it's like a hundred miles an hour, your neck.

• 57:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, wasn't there a comic whose nuts got twisted catching? He was a catcher in baseball.

• 57:49Speaker 11

  Just not get your nuts twisted.

• 57:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he was like, you know, the catcher, so he was crouched down and then he got hit in the nut with the ball and then it twisted his nuts?

• 57:58Speaker 11

  I don't know. And he lost the nut.

• 58:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I want to say there's a guy in comedy.

• 58:03Tom Segura?

  How about when Mr. Belvedere sat on his nuts? Remember that?

• 58:05Speaker 11

  I do remember that.

• 58:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  He didn't like that. He was very upset.

• 58:10Tom Segura?

  They changed the taping that week.

• 58:12Speaker 11

  We had a kid, I don't want to say his name, it's gonna be.

• 58:16Speaker 11

  We had a kid.

• 58:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why they call it Belvedere.

• 58:18Speaker 11

  You're off this week. Why? Mr. Belvedere sat on his ball bag over here. We had a kid, uh, God, I don't want to say his name, but I'm gonna say it. This poor kid, I won't say his first name. We'll call it, say it was Joe.

• 58:33Tom Segura?

  Uh huh.

• 58:34Speaker 11

  And his last name really was Dudo.

• 58:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 58:37Speaker 11

  And the kid did a belly, the story was, he did a belly flop into a pool, hits and his nuts tangle and he has to lose one. And they called a kid Joe Uno the rest of his.

• 58:53Speaker 11

  That's just a tough time to have one ball, you know? Later in life, you don't give a shit.

• 58:57Tom Segura?

  Age, that age is rough.

• 59:00Speaker 11

  And everybody knows you got one.

• 59:02Tom Segura?

  Joey Uno.

• 59:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  And everybody knows. Everybody knows.

• 59:08Speaker 11

  Everybody go, all day long, and now it's your nickname. It's your nickname, it's not just.

• 59:12Tom Segura?

  Then you go to your next, like, place in life and they're like, how come everybody calls you Uno? And you're like, god damn it.

• 59:16Speaker 11

  Or you think you escape it and then one day somebody sees you and says it and everybody at work's like, what's that all about? Like when we all knew Brody.

• 59:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:23Speaker 11

  As Brody, but then his whole upbringing, he was Steven to those people. Who the fuck's Steven?

• 59:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just to make it to high school, like, oh, and everybody in high school knows that about you? It's like that one girl that had butt sex, Butt Sex Becky, and then you're just Butt Sex Becky for four years.

• 59:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we had, we had that. Backdoor Becky.

• 59:44Speaker 11

  She was backdoor Becky, that's nice.

• 59:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:46Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 59:47Tom Segura?

  It completely traumatized her.

• 59:50Tom Segura?

  Traumatized her.

• 59:51Speaker 04

  Not the ass fucking in high school. The making fun of it.

• 59:54Tom Segura?

  The making fun of it, yeah. Because everybody would call her that. She would just break down crying. Yeah, it was horrible.

• 59:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe this is your story and I just made it mine. When I think about it.

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm not sure even who you're even looking at right now, Christine. I'm not sure. You look like the fucking Hamburglar.

• 1:00:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:13Speaker 04

  You look like the goddamn Hamburglar right now, for Christ's sake.

• 1:00:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  What was his stupid?

• 1:00:23Speaker 04

  Christine, you look like a Hamburglar.

• 1:00:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was always going to jail.

• 1:00:28Tom Segura?

  He was.

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  Stealing burgers.

• 1:00:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stealing burgers. Give him a burger. What the fuck?

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  I thought she looked like Zorro in the other, with the other hat on.

• 1:00:36Speaker 04

  The gayer blade.

• 1:00:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is so bad for my plastic surgery. It's not settling.

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, we're over here fucking bullying you over here and you went and got shit done.

• 1:00:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not good. I still got the stitches in, boys. I'm waiting till at least the stitches come out.

• 1:00:56Tom Segura?

  Oh, it's so funny, dude.

• 1:00:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ravel, ravel.

• 1:01:05Speaker 04

  Holy shit, dude. That's not a small man either.

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  Play that again.

• 1:01:11Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 1:01:12Speaker 04

  The fuck is that, a yak?

• 1:01:14Tom Segura?

  What is that?

• 1:01:16Speaker 04

  Look how high up that guy got.

• 1:01:19Tom Segura?

  Oh, fuck, dude.

• 1:01:21Speaker 04

  He could have stood on top of that car.

• 1:01:23Tom Segura?

  It threw him. It threw him with just a flick of the neck. Remember that other one I sent you where the guy went?

• 1:01:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, he went way to fuck over there, like nothing, too.

• 1:01:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  We're so weak. I love people to think they're gonna touch animals and shit.

• 1:01:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my god. Are you kidding me?

• 1:01:41Speaker 04

  The music.

• 1:01:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think that's our music, we have to... Oh, what the fuck?

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  That's a sewage line breaking. Oh, I was wondering, it's all br- ohhhhh. God, that guy's swimming in it. Oh, man.

• 1:02:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the worst. That's the, that's like the worst thing that can happen to you.

• 1:02:06Speaker 04

  Being in a pool of shit, just swimming in a pool of shit? Other people's, not yours.

• 1:02:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's awful.

• 1:02:13Speaker 04

  I don't want to be in my own shit.

• 1:02:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd rather fall into a sinkhole.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck. Just kill me at that point. That's gonna make me gag, man. Yeah, that's really rough.

• 1:02:25Speaker 04

  Oh, man!

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  His fucking legs come up that back is ruined.

• 1:02:38Speaker 04

  You hear it so clearly. He's on the floor. Knocked the window too, it hurt like crazy.

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  Look at that right leg.

• 1:03:06Speaker 04

  Why are you coming into work that excited anyway? What the fuck do you gotta tell everybody? You gotta come in that hot? You got, unless you got some breaking news, man, settle the fuck back. Just step up the steps. He was gonna, he thought he was gonna fly in all cool. He did, man.

• 1:03:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially that floor is so shiny. It's so slick. You know that floor.

• 1:03:44Speaker 14

  I just lost my headphones.

• 1:03:46Speaker 00

  You fucker. Oh god, you ruined my-

• 1:03:48Tom Segura?

  I just lost my headphones. Oh, they're back, they're back. Oh, way to cut out again.

• 1:03:59Tom Segura?

  Ah shit.

• 1:04:00Speaker 00

  Oh my god.

• 1:04:09Speaker 00

  I don't like that.

• 1:04:10Tom Segura?

  What the hell happened? This street cleaning spray. He thought he would just ride through it. No, come on, let's do it again. And it's high pressure.

• 1:04:16Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:04:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He doesn't realize how high pressure that is. I didn't realize.

• 1:04:22Tom Segura?

  It fucked him up, dude. He's tumbling like he's going down a cliff. Oh my god.

• 1:04:30Tom Segura?

  I thought you would get a kick out of this, too. We played this before.

• 1:04:33Speaker 15

  Beautiful soul, so I want you to ask yourself, what you feeding your pussy today, beautiful soul? Go in with intention and self-love and self-care. Think about how it's gonna digest in your body and attach to that pussy and what it's gonna do, beautiful soul. If you leave the fruit, it's gonna go in that pussy and fruitify it.

• 1:04:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:55Speaker 15

  Meaning it's gonna heal it and clean it and just flourish it with

• 1:05:00Speaker 15

  a good ass drip. And I'm gonna say that as kind as I can.

• 1:05:04Tom Segura?

  I'm Ryan and I like fruity pussy. I was about to say, I think we know a guy for her. I'm Ryan and, uh... I want some fruity black ass.

• 1:05:15Speaker 00

  Fruitified ass.

• 1:05:17Tom Segura?

  Fruity black ass. Oh, fuck.

• 1:05:20Speaker 00

  She's sweet, though. I like her.

• 1:05:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she is. I'll tell you who's not sweet.

• 1:05:24Speaker 00

  She should sell something.

• 1:05:25Tom Segura?

  This bitch.

• 1:05:25Speaker 16

  Stay there.

• 1:05:26Speaker 00

  Don't touch her.

• 1:05:27Speaker 16

  No.

• 1:05:28Speaker 00

  Don't touch her.

• 1:05:29Speaker 16

  No, this is where her asshole is. Do not touch her. Look at her. Shut the fuck up! Don't fucking touch me. Miss, miss, step back. I got her. Let go. Chill out, chill out, chill out. Let go, let go, let go. Let go for him. You can't do that. Let go, man. Let go for him. Let him help her. Chill out for him. I'm not. Andrea. I'm not even touching your hair, bitch.

• 1:05:52Speaker 05

  You need to let go right now.

• 1:05:53Speaker 16

  We need those nine A ones. Nine one one.

• 1:05:55Speaker 05

  You need to let go.

• 1:05:56Speaker 16

  Nine one one, bro.

• 1:05:57Speaker 05

  You need to let go right now.

• 1:05:58Speaker 16

  Miss, like, over here right now.

• 1:05:59Speaker 05

  No, no.

• 1:06:04Speaker 16

  Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't want to sit next to a fucking fat lady.

• 1:06:07Speaker 04

  Let go of her hair.

• 1:06:08Speaker 11

  What she said, I want to sit next to a fat lady.

• 1:06:10Speaker 16

  You guys are already past the point of no return. You're already past the point of no return for here.

• 1:06:17Speaker 16

  It's so crass, Miss. Y'all see me. You know what's going on. It's just retarded. Yeah, put me on the ground. Put me on the ground.

• 1:06:26Speaker 11

  This chick is awesome.

• 1:06:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I wish I were on this flight.

• 1:06:28Speaker 11

  I want to see this shit in person.

• 1:06:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me too. I never get to.

• 1:06:31Speaker 11

  Me, I never do either. I never see anything.

• 1:06:33Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah, make that bigger. That's, uh, Leanna Perry. A 32-year-old passenger from the Big Apple. Whoever fucking writes that in an article. Was arrested and charged with aggravated assault after a meltdown before takeoff. Around 1 a.m. Tuesday. Uh, Port Authority Police said video from inside the cabin shows several passengers and employees grappling with the crazed passenger. She holds on to a woman's hair and calls her a fat ass bitch.

• 1:07:03Tom Segura?

  Let go of her hair. They claim that she claims to not be touching other women's hair. Uh, despite having a handful of it. Yeah.

• 1:07:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's cool.

• 1:07:14Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool.

• 1:07:16Speaker 16

  Look at this fat lady. Look at this fat ass bitch. She can't even, look, you can't even see her stomach. It's horrible. Look at her outfit. Look at this fat ass bitch. Hilarious. You can't even show your mouth because you're embarrassed. You can't even see it because you're embarrassed. Shut the fuck up.

• 1:07:33Speaker 07

  Who is that on?

• 1:07:34Speaker 16

  Sorry, I can't hear you. I can't hear you, ugly ass fucking dude. Who's never gonna lay it again?

• 1:07:42Speaker 16

  Okay, I'm sorry, black guy. My boyfriend's black. Shut the fuck up. My boyfriend's fucking a black guy. My boyfriend's a black, my boyfriend's black, my boyfriend's a fucking black guy. Uh. You're joking.

• 1:07:55Speaker 11

  Oh, I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming.

• 1:07:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a dick move.

• 1:08:00Speaker 16

  Shut the fuck up.

• 1:08:01Speaker 11

  Well, that's aggravated assault. I learned that because...

• 1:08:04Tom Segura?

  God, aren't you kind of bricked up though with her? Like, she's just... There's something hot about her, right?

• 1:08:08Speaker 11

  I'll tell you what needs, she needs, she needs to be dick down.

• 1:08:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Speaker 11

  A good, that dude does not get her getting laid again. Should take her home.

• 1:08:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think she had the coffee with the Adderall and the Viagra?

• 1:08:21Speaker 11

  She's a cop.

• 1:08:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's exactly how you would be.

• 1:08:23Speaker 11

  I'm a police officer. She's like, "Talk to my lu, talk to my chief of police, goddamn."

• 1:08:30Speaker 04

  I'm undercover.

• 1:08:33Speaker 04

  Somebody take this off of my cheek.

• 1:08:34Speaker 11

  I'm just doing what I was trained to do. We got in a fight in indoor soccer in Baltimore City. We got in a lot of fights, but this one, I don't know why our goalie or our goldie, as Christina will call him, our goldie spit on the ref. Whoa. And they arrested him on the field and we were like 19 and we're like. They arrested him on the field? Oh yeah, on the field. I played goal after that and I wasn't a goalie. And we go to bail him out after the game. We're like, we'll come down and get you out. And that, the charges they hit him with were aggravated assault.

• 1:09:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because of the spitting?

• 1:09:05Speaker 11

  Spitting, yeah. He spit in a man's fucking face. Why did he spit? Cause the ref just? We were, it was a melee fight and the ref said something. He said, spit in the ref's face and the ref called 911. They came down and arrested him on the field. That's wild.

• 1:09:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't know that. I've actually spit on a girl once.

• 1:09:21Speaker 11

  That's a, it's a, it's a form of assault. You did that in your twenties?

• 1:09:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, I'll tell you why. Alright, I'll tell you why dude. I was dating this guy. And this fucking bitch, long story short, fucked my boyfriend and then I saw her at a party. And I was all, bitch, I know you fucked my boyfriend. And then she was afraid of me, so she left the party. And I was like a second story Victorian in San Francisco and I stuck my head out the window. I'm like, I fucking know you're a whore. And I said her name, fucking Stephanie. And then I spit on her.

• 1:09:49Speaker 11

  Did you get her?

• 1:09:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't even think so. I was so drunk and angry. I don't even know. It just felt good to spit on a bitch, you know?

• 1:09:55Speaker 11

  Alright, so. Look at you now, man. If she could see you now, Hamburglar.

• 1:10:03Speaker 04

  If she could, Stephanie could see you now, man.

• 1:10:05Speaker 11

  How many burgers you done scrumped up?

• 1:10:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  How many burgers did I steal since then? Since the 90s? Rubble rubble. There I am!

• 1:10:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here come the photo shops, guys. Oh shit.

• 1:10:22Speaker 04

  If they just put long hair on that, it's you.

• 1:10:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  And even the stripe on this jacket.

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  That's what, listen.

• 1:10:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's wild.

• 1:10:28Speaker 04

  Once, we've been talking for a while and I looked down and I saw the stripe and that's what made me think of the hamburger. I'm like, this chick looks like the goddamn hamburger.

• 1:10:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  And the fucking glasses and the hat. Oh my god, dude. So rad.

• 1:10:43Speaker 04

  Here we go. I can't wait for the photos. Oh, have you followed any recent Will Smith stuff?

• 1:10:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:10:49Speaker 04

  I sure have. I've seen the horrible rap that people are like, oh, y'all woke Will Smith up. I'm like, I don't think anybody woke him up. And then the one where he's in like the city streets trying to get the people hyped and no one even gives a shit that he's there.

• 1:11:02Tom Segura?

  So weird.

• 1:11:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so weird.

• 1:11:04Tom Segura?

  This is, I think, from an interview that was so goddamn weird.

• 1:11:08Speaker 17

  For the first time in my career, having to deal with a level of disapproval that I never had to experience.

• 1:11:19Speaker 05

  What does making a mistake in, in front of the world, how do you handle that?

• 1:11:25Speaker 17

  It's brutiful. It's brutiful. It's brutal, but beautiful. The addiction to the approval of others that I had to dissolve, brutiful. It was brutiful.

• 1:11:36Speaker 05

  I think we need that word in this show. It makes a lot of sense.

• 1:11:40Tom Segura?

  No, it doesn't. Stop yesending that fucking idiot.

• 1:11:42Speaker 17

  But it's like, you know, finding that way to be able to be with my own humanity, be able to not be perfect, but be human and find a higher power in my humanity than I found in my constellation of ideas of perfection that we called Will Smith. The fullness of who I am, to allow that to be better than Will Smith. The honesty and the authenticity and the broader spectrum of the possibilities of who I am is actually better than Will Smith.

• 1:12:22Speaker 17

  So that like working in that space of authenticity and honesty and imperfection, allowing that to grow into a higher perfection than the imagery of Will Smith is where I am as an artist and as a human right now.

• 1:12:40Speaker 11

  How about, "Hey, Chris Rock, I'm so sorry."

• 1:12:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, fuck that.

• 1:12:43Speaker 11

  That's not that. How about that? How about you shut the fu- your wife's fucking your son's friends. You walked up on stage, you slapped a man in his face. If I was Chris Rock, I would have sued this dumb motherfucker. I would have sued the Academy. I'm, I'm working for you that night. You let this motherfucker get up and slap me across the fucking face? Fuck this clown.

• 1:13:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:03Speaker 11

  Fuck Will Smith. What an idiot.

• 1:13:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  What an idiot.

• 1:13:06Speaker 11

  Brutal. It's brutal.

• 1:13:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then to allow myself to unfolding of the perfection. It's like, why not just say the truth? I'm humiliated.

• 1:13:14Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was embarrassing.

• 1:13:15Speaker 11

  My wife's fucking my son's friends and I lost my shit. I got up on stage in front of the world and I smacked the shit out of Chris Rock. You didn't deserve that, Chris Rock. I'm so sorry.

• 1:13:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm embarrassed.

• 1:13:24Speaker 11

  If anyone deserved it, it wasn't you, Chris Rock. But if I say you really deserved it, I'll get cancelled, Chris Rock. So I apologize for hitting you when you were the person I did not want to slap, Chris Rock. I really wanted to slap somebody else, but I can't do that because it's my wife. And honestly, my wife will probably kick my ass.

• 1:13:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  But can you imagine the level of bullshit that Jada and him say to each other on a fucking daily basis? This, the way he's talking? You know that's how they talk in that house.

• 1:13:50Tom Segura?

  Of course. "How was today?" "It was brutal."

• 1:13:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ay yi yi.

• 1:13:54Tom Segura?

  You gotta be like, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

• 1:13:56Speaker 11

  "What were your wins today?"

• 1:13:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:13:58Speaker 11

  "Oh, well, I slapped Chris Rock."

• 1:13:59Tom Segura?

  Well, I'm trying to dissolve the delusion of self. While also trying to shape away from the addiction to approval. That is the idea of Will Smith, which is my name.

• 1:14:12Speaker 11

  Right.

• 1:14:12Tom Segura?

  And I say my name when I talk about this.

• 1:14:15Speaker 11

  We call Will Smith. It's like, you know, when I pour, it's like, almost like I poured this liquid into a container and then it hardened. You know what I mean? Like brutal. And then I cracked that container and it stayed strong, you know what I mean? But then I dropped the elbow on it and it came down like 9/11 and just spread out everywhere. And I'm like, well, now there's a bunch of brutal things, not just one brutal thing. And I started taking that and I started throwing them at people, you know what I mean? Not as like rocks, but as gifts. I'm giving them my love. There's parts of me I'm just spreading out everywhere, you know?

• 1:14:47Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:14:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:14:48Speaker 11

  I love this.

• 1:14:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this too.

• 1:14:50Speaker 11

  I had to be brought down on a molecular level. Thank you. I'm blessed.

• 1:14:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is wonderful. You know?

• 1:14:56Tom Segura?

  Also, you fucked up when you slapped that guy.

• 1:14:57Speaker 11

  I did. I should have. It's Chris Rock. I'm sorry.

• 1:15:01Speaker 11

  Then it's over.

• 1:15:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's it. That's all he has to do is own it. But do you see his ego is, I mean, look, he's been famous for so long. Nobody's told this man the truth about anything since he was, what, 20 years old, 18 years old? Nobody's had the audacity to be like, you fucked up, you dummy.

• 1:15:19Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 1:15:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And this is a level of ego and delusion with celebrities that go totally unchecked for this fucking long.

• 1:15:27Speaker 11

  Yep. And that guy's gonna sit there and go, oh, that's, we need to put that in our vernacular right now. No, you don't. No, we don't. Aw, brutiful. I love that shit, man. No, we don't.

• 1:15:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course. We should put that in the dictionary.

• 1:15:39Speaker 11

  We shouldn't put that anywhere.

• 1:15:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Impactful, brutiful.

• 1:15:41Speaker 11

  You should just say, I'm fucking sorry, Chris Rock.

• 1:15:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't ever, don't ever let us get that way, okay?

• 1:15:47Speaker 11

  See, sometimes, this is the thing I've learned about life, too.

• 1:15:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Unless I'm already that way.

• 1:15:51Speaker 11

  You wanna have control of things. You want what you want now, but sometimes you just gotta let life play out. And the longer, I've had to learn, cause I've been very reactive in my life, instead of like thinking and letting things go.

• 1:16:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's brutal.

• 1:16:04Speaker 11

  Thank you. And the long, so is your outfit. It's brutal. It's brutal and beautiful, Kristi.

• 1:16:13Speaker 11

  Like your surgery.

• 1:16:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I made my eyes surgery. Alright, go ahead.

• 1:16:16Speaker 11

  But if you just let life do its thing.

• 1:16:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:16:19Speaker 11

  Most of the time, it takes care of himself, right? Takes care of itself. Who would've thought DJ Jazzy Jeff's the cool one in the end? How about that?

• 1:16:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:16:28Speaker 11

  He was always robbing the Batman. Now it looks like this motherfucker's, just lose it. He's gone. He's gone. I don't know what happened to that dude.

• 1:16:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's kind of like the Mark Wahlberg not joining New Kids on the Block. You know what I mean? Like, he was the outlier.

• 1:16:43Speaker 11

  Because he beat an Asian almost to death?

• 1:16:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so. I think there was a reason.

• 1:16:46Speaker 11

  It's definitely a reason.

• 1:16:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  But like, he got, in the end, it was good for Mark Wahlberg. Where's the rest of those guys?

• 1:16:52Speaker 11

  Yeah.

• 1:16:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hanging tough.

• 1:16:54Speaker 11

  Well, if I could say something. Without the record. I'm, uh, I'm about to go off and, uh...

• 1:17:00Tom Segura?

  Film this feature film. And I've been looking at like, who is Tom?

• 1:17:07Tom Segura?

  And in the film, I won't play Tom, I'll play other characters. And so, coming to like, a place of acceptance within myself, to allow myself to be these other people is really this transformative process.

• 1:17:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:17:21Tom Segura?

  Tell us about how you're gonna shed your Tom skin and slip into that cover of a new person.

• 1:17:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:17:27Tom Segura?

  Ryan, I don't know. I don't know. That's brutal. That is brutal. I'll just show up and I, I hope the process takes care of itself. What a, that's an interesting way to go about art.

• 1:17:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you, but can you imagine, that's how actors talk about what they do.

• 1:17:42Tom Segura?

  This is a real conversation.

• 1:17:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Playing make believe and they're like, you know, when I was playing the part.

• 1:17:46Tom Segura?

  Cause this, you know, this reminded me of when that Nosferatu came out? And those two broads were doing interviews everywhere.

• 1:17:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah nah, Nosferatu, was it, it was wicked.

• 1:17:55Tom Segura?

  Oh wicked, wicked. Ariana Grande, who holds space. Oh my god, and they hold hands, cry. They cry in every interview. They're like, you're such a beautiful person.

• 1:18:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you're beautiful. No, you're beautiful.

• 1:18:11Tom Segura?

  So bizarre.

• 1:18:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And what was interesting about my character in the song is that it allowed people to hold the space to feel, mm.

• 1:18:20Speaker 14

  And then the interviewer has to be like.

• 1:18:21Tom Segura?

  When I say I like ass? Yeah. I'm Ryan, and I like black. I like ass.

• 1:18:28Tom Segura?

  God damn.

• 1:18:32Tom Segura?

  That must've been what it really set him off right there. He must've just seen an ass.

• 1:18:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Will you play these two psychos doing their holding hands?

• 1:18:39Speaker 14

  People are taking the lyrics of Defying Gravity and really holding space with that. The power in that.

• 1:18:45Speaker 00

  I didn't know that that was happening.

• 1:18:48Speaker 14

  I've seen it, yeah.

• 1:18:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. Really powerful.

• 1:18:53Speaker 00

  That's why I wanted.

• 1:18:56Tom Segura?

  There we go.

• 1:18:57Speaker 14

  It's old hands.

• 1:18:58Tom Segura?

  Old hands.

• 1:18:58Speaker 00

  I didn't know that was happening.

• 1:19:01Speaker 14

  I've seen it on a couple of posts. I don't know how widespread, but you know, I am in queer media, so that's my, you know.

• 1:19:07Speaker 00

  It's really cool.

• 1:19:08Tom Segura?

  It's really cool.

• 1:19:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, Tom, people are watching Bad Thoughts and that sketch when you shit yourself.

• 1:19:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You really connected with so many people that have had a loss of bowel control and I just want you to know.

• 1:19:22Tom Segura?

  Is that happening?

• 1:19:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That you, it is happening, Tom. People are shitting themselves in solidarity and holding their shits in their space. With your shits in space.

• 1:19:34Tom Segura?

  That means so much to me.

• 1:19:35Speaker 11

  Yeah, I've seen a few posts about it.

• 1:19:37Tom Segura?

  You saw a couple of posts?

• 1:19:38Speaker 11

  Just like one or two of them. So I'm gonna bring it up in this whole interview in front of really famous people about a big movie. Two people said something. That's what journalism is now. I think, I think I read something somewhere.

• 1:19:48Tom Segura?

  I think I saw something once.

• 1:19:50Speaker 11

  Wow, what? You're really doing research. You're going deep.

• 1:19:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  They've read something on Twitter.

• 1:19:55Speaker 11

  She said, "People are holding space." She said, "I didn't know that was happening." She's like, "Mm?" She said, "I've seen it." And I saw, I'm thinking like, "Oh, she saw people to park or something, holds..."

• 1:20:03Tom Segura?

  I saw a couple of posts.

• 1:20:04Speaker 11

  "Some people wrote some shit about it."

• 1:20:07Speaker 11

  Can I actually tell you a story I have never told you quickly about a shit, a shit story that happened on Bad Thoughts?

• 1:20:13Tom Segura?

  On Bad Thoughts?

• 1:20:14Speaker 11

  On Bad Thoughts. And I'm gonna apologize in advance if this came out of your personal budget, but I had been asked to come down and I was, I reset my schedule because I was flying into Detroit Friday to do a show and then Saturday Minneapolis. And I redid my schedule to come into Austin for two days, then to fly from Austin to Detroit to Minneapolis. And I'm just all over the place and running around. I'm not eating, I'm not doing anything. I get to your shoot and they're like, "Get here at 8:30." I'm like, "I get there at 8:30." I don't, I don't work until 8:00 PM that night in hindsight. And I'm just there all day and all of a sudden, I have to take the shit that I haven't taken in like two days because I'm traveling and everything and I'm, and I know what's gonna happen.

• 1:21:00Speaker 11

  My trailer's here. Two trailers down is, are the toilets. I go in and I know what's going on and I know that, that foot pump ain't gonna take care of this. You know what I'm saying? That little, it's one of those boat, you know, boat toilets. I'm like, "Mm-mm, we, I don't care how many people..."

• 1:21:19Tom Segura?

  But you know what's coming, I'm saying. You know it's gonna be a bad one.

• 1:21:21Speaker 11

  No doubt. And it's exactly what I think it is. And I hit the pedal and exactly what I think is gonna happen, happens. Nothing. And I'm like, "Oh, fuck." So thank God no one comes in. I leave and I mean, it's a lot. And I just go back down to my trailer and within two minutes, I hear somebody walk in. I hear, "Jesus Christ!" "Oh, fuck!" And you're changing locations. You're going from that mental hospital to the gym. That's where we're at. And I don't get a ride. They tell me to take an Uber over. Later, a guy's like, "Why you just ride with us?" I was like, "They told me to take an Uber over." I got out of there as quick as I fucking could. I got the Uber. I was like, "Puh!" This guy gets on a walkie talkie. I hear him like off the click. He's like,

• 1:22:04Speaker 11

  "Yeah, let them know we're gonna be one down on the other location, man. I'm gonna have to work on this thing." And I am dying in there like, "This poor son of a bitch." Fuck, I fucked that trailer up, dude. I had never told-

• 1:22:18Tom Segura?

  That's a big shit, bro.

• 1:22:19Speaker 11

  They took it down, dude. He's like, "No, no, no. This one ain't coming, man."

• 1:22:25Tom Segura?

  What we got over there? We got any room over there? We're gonna need a couple extras.

• 1:22:28Speaker 11

  I was in there holding space, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:22:34Tom Segura?

  So for people that don't know-

• 1:22:37Speaker 11

  If you go back and look at the bottom line, and I'm curious if that fucking-

• 1:22:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  The trailer?

• 1:22:41Speaker 11

  Someone had to come-

• 1:22:42Tom Segura?

  If they docked me, they're like, "Well, you would've had it more."

• 1:22:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's $20,000 to fix the trailer toilet.

• 1:22:48Tom Segura?

  People who haven't seen Lefty's Son, you can watch that now, but you have a new one-

• 1:22:51Speaker 11

  You know what, can I say this real quick? Thank you all, cuz you supported that special when it came out. YouTube demonetized it. It's very close to a million views. They told me I glorified cannabis. They demonetized it after three weeks and pulled it out of the algorithm. It's still over 900,000. Get that fucking thing to a million, please. Yeah. New specials coming out, Lefty's Son. Check out-

• 1:23:12Tom Segura?

  No, Live and Alive.

• 1:23:13Speaker 11

  I mean, Lefty's Son's the one you gotta go watch. New special coming, Live and Alive. Go check out The Honeydew. Go check out The Wayback. I'm really having a great time on that podcast.

• 1:23:24Tom Segura?

  And I can't wait to see you with your brothers.

• 1:23:26Speaker 11

  Yeah, we got- that's gonna be a minute, but we just shot like, we shot two 10-hour days of content in that junkyard. I got a ton of episodes, ton of stuff coming, so it's all gonna be great. Thank you.

• 1:23:38Tom Segura?

  Well, it's always good to see you, man.

• 1:23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good to see you, Ryan.

• 1:23:40Speaker 11

  Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Thank you, guys.

• 1:23:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hi, this is Ryan. We love you.

• 1:23:46Speaker 11

  Bye, guys.

• 1:24:01Speaker 18

  Look man, you're obviously attracted to me. I'm attracted to you, you're attracted to me. We could do six or eight. You're obviously a smart girl, you're attracted to me. We could do six or eight. Look man, you're obviously attracted to me. We could do six or eight. You're obviously a smart girl, you're attracted to me. We could do six or eight. Look man, you're obviously attracted to me. We are obviously two catches that have actually come together. We are two catches that have come together. We are two catches that have come together. We are obviously two catches that have actually come together. We are two catches that have come together. We could do six or eight, we could do six or eight.

• 1:24:44Speaker 18

  We are obviously two catches that have actually come together. We are two catches that have come together. Literally the best hidden cap gem in the city. We are obviously two catches that have actually come together. We are two catches that have come together. We could do six or eight, we could do six or eight. We are two catches that have come together. We are two catches that have come together. We are two catches that have come together. We are two catches that have come together.