Who's More Mentally Ill? | Your Mom's House Ep. 817

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Go to http://LIQUIDIV. COM and get 20% off your first order with code YMH at checkout. Go to https://coorslight.com/YMH to see how Coors Light can amplify your summer. And be sure to keep an eye out on Coors Light’s social handles all summer long for more exciting announcements. This week on Your Mom’s House, Tom and Christina are back in Los Angeles! CP’s rocking a bold Zorro-inspired new look and Tom shows off his scar from a street fight with a surfer, and they both break down the fine line between plastic surgery and mental illness. The Main Mommies check out some truly unhinged videos including Adrien Brody’s social media posts, a clip about parasites in places they shouldn’t be, and some gay black dudes swapping spit. Plus, Tom shares the story of his loudest gym fart, CP raises the price of her art, and the two debate whether posing nude at art school is the key to escaping homelessness. Tommy F-Stop also makes his debut on the show, Tom’s kids are as feral as ever, and CP walks us through the bloodiest promo idea ever based on her recent surgery. Enjoy! Your Mom’s House Ep. 817 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:05 - Opening Clip: Ryan Likes Ass 00:08:11 - Christina's New Look & Tom's Surfer Fight 00:20:25 - Adrien Brody 00:24:54 - Goth Basketball Player 00:27:53 - Gay Stuff For Enny 00:32:25 - Clip: Parasites In Your P 00:35:02 - Gym Farts 00:40:24 - Who's More Mentally Ill? 00:45:32 - Movies 00:49:23 - Tommy F-Stop 00:57:20 - Laugh Till Your Face Falls Off 01:02:51 - Closing Song - "4 Stroke Anthem" by Gaping Dad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Segura?

  Get ready, Milwaukee. I'll be filming the live special taping of my Come Together Tour in Milwaukee this November at the Riverside Theater. Tickets and all info is at tomsegura.com/tour.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Welcome, welcome to Your Mom's House.

• 0:24Speaker 02

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• 0:53Tom Segura?

  Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. We're here doing some Cali episodes.

• 0:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoop, whoop. We're in the South Bay, bro.

• 1:02Tom Segura?

  I know, bro.

• 1:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it here so much.

• 1:04Tom Segura?

  I'd love it, too.

• 1:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the best.

• 1:06Tom Segura?

  It is great. This is like, a lot of people don't know, they come to Los Angeles, like, where it's at is the South Bay, dog.

• 1:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this is what's up.

• 1:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It really is, because you're outside of the chaos of Los Angeles city.

• 1:18Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're in the beach, it's natural as fuck, and like, you know what I'm saying? The vibe is chill and stuff.

• 1:25Tom Segura?

  Very chill vibes.

• 1:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:26Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:28Tom Segura?

  I know what you're saying, and I know what you mean. Totally.

• 1:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we, um, well, it's been a while since I've been here. We got the address to this location.

• 1:36Tom Segura?

  Wrong. Well, it's not wrong, it's just, there's a lot of different addresses that have the same numbers and even street names.

• 1:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:45Tom Segura?

  It happens all the time. You can be on, you know, North Bedford in Beverly Hills, and then there's another Bedford. It's right down, like, you're always having to confirm. And we put in the address for this place, uh, which is on a well-known street, if you know Los Angeles, called Rosecrans. And, um, we went, we went down to a different, uh, street on Rosecrans. You know what I mean? It was different. So we were down there.

• 2:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Super. Well, it was.

• 2:17Tom Segura?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 2:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was also like a slow progression.

• 2:21Tom Segura?

  It was slow, yeah. We were like, well, there's a lot of braid, braid shops.

• 2:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Braids and chicken.

• 2:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  So many.

• 2:27Tom Segura?

  So many.

• 2:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then I was like, that's weird.

• 2:29Tom Segura?

  Huh, this is where the studio is? And then we just kinda turned and parked and I was like, hmm, there's a lot of bars on windows.

• 2:37Speaker 04

  Check it out, you know what I'm saying? It's a fear.

• 2:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, no Pilates studios anymore?

• 2:43Tom Segura?

  No, we're like, this is the studio they found?

• 2:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then can I tell you what? Can I talk to you for a second?

• 2:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, man, tell me.

• 2:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I also felt a sense of excitement at that prospect. Cause it kind of hearkens back to the Reseda days.

• 2:55Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 2:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always a little scared to go to work.

• 2:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that was always the right feel of like, huh, I'm tense, I'm anxious. Let's go entertain.

• 3:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But gives you that adrenaline that you need.

• 3:08Tom Segura?

  You need it.

• 3:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  As a performer.

• 3:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so, yeah. It definitely felt like that. It felt like that.

• 3:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do more.

• 3:17Tom Segura?

  Stop, do more. That's the best. Yeah, so.

• 3:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I haven't heard these in a while.

• 3:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it was a lot. And anyways, we, we figured it out. We were like, oh, we're at the other end of Rosecrans.

• 3:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, we're in a gardena.

• 3:31Tom Segura?

  There's no studio here at all. There was a lot of people rolling through stop signs, if that gives you any indication.

• 3:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lot of adults on.

• 3:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lot of grown up guys on bicycles.

• 3:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  A lot of lowrider bicycles.

• 3:47Tom Segura?

  We did a quick check and we were like, oh no, you're about 20 minutes away. So came back up and the whole way back, we were like, yeah, there's definitely not the right.

• 3:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it really reminds me of growing up in, in Los Angeles.

• 3:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I grew up, you know, driving at 16, there was no GPS.

• 4:03Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 4:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You had that stupid Thomas guide, but when you're lost.

• 4:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bro, you're not gonna be like, hold on, fucking A637. You're just like panicking and you're just trying to get out.

• 4:13Tom Segura?

  The only thing you know is keep it moving. Whenever you're in the wrong neighborhood, you go, just don't break.

• 4:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't break.

• 4:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially little blonde girls.

• 4:21Tom Segura?

  No, don't wanna do it.

• 4:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not so much at the stop signs.

• 4:24Tom Segura?

  But we figured it out. We found the right place. We're here. We're gonna tell you all about our summer vibes.

• 4:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right.

• 4:33Tom Segura?

  Uh, but we should start the show. We should open it up. So let me get this set and here.

• 4:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here you go.

• 4:40Speaker 04

  I'm Ryan and when I say I like ass.

• 4:44Tom Segura?

  God damn. I guess. Isn't that cool?

• 4:50Tom Segura?

  Who is Ryan? Guess what Ryan likes?

• 4:54Tom Segura?

  Your mom in the fucking stand!

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 4:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  With Tom Segura.

• 5:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 5:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 5:44Tom Segura?

  I guess. He likes ass.

• 5:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's cool. He looks like-

• 5:48Tom Segura?

  I like when dudes like make like make an effort to let people know. Cause otherwise you would see this guy and you would have no idea if he likes ass.

• 5:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it would be in my mind the whole time.

• 5:58Tom Segura?

  Like, does this guy like ass?

• 6:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Does he even like ass?

• 6:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you don't have any idea.

• 6:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and I agree. It's nice to know what's out there and also that he's doing it on the job. Because that is a-

• 6:07Tom Segura?

  Right, that's a safety vest. Yeah. So he's working, taking a break from being safe and letting the world know that he loves ass. And letting everybody know in case you see him, he's an ass guy.

• 6:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think he was working, picking up trash on the freeway or whatever? Maybe he was conducting traffic at a construction site?

• 6:25Tom Segura?

  I hope he stopped conducting traffic.

• 6:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, and he was like, man.

• 6:27Tom Segura?

  He's the slow stop guy? He's like, hold on a second, guys.

• 6:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta get this out.

• 6:31Tom Segura?

  If I don't put this out there, fuck it, everyone's gonna be confused. They're not gonna know.

• 6:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Does he tell us why he likes it so much?

• 6:39Tom Segura?

  Just letting-

• 6:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just that?

• 6:40Tom Segura?

  Just, yeah, I'm an ass guy. He also, I mean, he does other stuff, you know? I'm Ryan, and I just got a fresh cup for-

• 6:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  All you beautiful black goddesses out there. Oh, sweet. A fresh cut?

• 6:50Tom Segura?

  Fresh cut. Look at this. Look at his cut.

• 6:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But don't you think that a black lady would think that haircut's goofy?

• 6:57Tom Segura?

  Well, yeah, but he's, he's letting, I mean, he did, this is like, kind of all the, the pieces of the puzzle. He likes ass.

• 7:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it. Check.

• 7:04Tom Segura?

  Likes black goddesses. So he's got a type, you know, and he's putting it out there.

• 7:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I see, I see, I see what you're saying.

• 7:11Tom Segura?

  All you do is put it out there, and then you just see what comes back.

• 7:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's all you can hope for in a man's life.

• 7:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is just putting it out there.

• 7:18Tom Segura?

  And he's, he's telling you, I got a fresh cut. Do you like a fresh cut on somebody? Yeah. You want me to have sloppy hair? No, fresh cut.

• 7:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I'm, I've been obsessed with David Bowie this summer.

• 7:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've had your Hitler summer, and for me, it's a David Bowie summer.

• 7:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, um, I'm, I just watched about the courtship with him and Iman.

• 7:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they're like, we met at the party.

• 7:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's like, hi, I'm David Bowie. We were married a week later. It's like.

• 7:44Tom Segura?

  A week later?

• 7:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, a year later.

• 7:46Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 7:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you're like, yeah, that's David Bowie.

• 7:47Tom Segura?

  Yes, David Bowie. It's different. Yeah.

• 7:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody says no, and he doesn't have to put it out there. If David Bowie says hi to you, you're like, yeah, let's get married.

• 7:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she's something else.

• 7:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Iman?

• 7:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's perfect. She's a statue.

• 7:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's not even real.

• 8:00Tom Segura?

  I bet Ryan would go crazy.

• 8:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, shit. Yeah, full circle.

• 8:04Tom Segura?

  You know, maybe if we can get this clip to Iman.

• 8:10Tom Segura?

  And she sees his fresh, I mean, she's a widow.

• 8:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's single.

• 8:14Tom Segura?

  Maybe she's like, oh shit, look at this guy in his fresh cut. He likes ass.

• 8:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he is a little same coloring as David.

• 8:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, that's probably the limit of where they're the same, but yeah, similar, similar skin pigmentation. Yeah.

• 8:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 8:28Tom Segura?

  Maybe like not as great on the conversation level as David or talent.

• 8:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's okay.

• 8:33Tom Segura?

  But that's fine.

• 8:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm sure Iman's over talking anyway.

• 8:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and she's probably like, yeah, I've heard, I've heard all the songs. I don't need you to sing.

• 8:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 8:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 8:41Tom Segura?

  So you look like Zorro. Do you want to tell everybody?

• 8:46Tom Segura?

  What's going on?

• 8:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I.

• 8:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. I'm a little embarrassed.

• 8:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But if anything on this show, we come clean.

• 8:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, like you know, sometimes you already know the story. So this is like, I'm just retelling for but okay. You know how I get into altercations with people? Remember the guy at the fucking hardware store?

• 9:12Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 9:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I, and you guys told me and he was like, don't talk to guys like that. Like he, he corrected me on how I was driving. And I was like, oh, I forgot I what I said.

• 9:23Tom Segura?

  The car that was loud and he was like, it's so loud.

• 9:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a different guy. That's a different guy. So I've had like multiple things with people.

• 9:30Tom Segura?

  Kind of noticing a pattern here. Go ahead.

• 9:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so I'm at Target and thankfully the kids are not with me. And you know, there's a crosswalk where people you have to stop and then people cross. Okay? So I'm fucking, I'm stoked to be at Target. I'm happy to be there, whatever. So I'm watching this couple. I'm looking and like, oh, they're a cute couple. And then I inch out into the crosswalk. Okay? But I didn't see there was a young lady who had just stepped out. Okay, like literally just peeped her little fucking toe out there. And I, I right on the brakes and I was like, oh my God, you know, and I was like, hold, I'm so sorry. Well, she doesn't take my apology. And instead she starts doing that punishing thing. You know why she's like,

• 10:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  "It's a crosswalk. The pedestrians have to ride away. It is a crosswalk."

• 10:24Tom Segura?

  Is that an exaggeration?

• 10:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe.

• 10:26Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 10:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I fucking hate her dumb face.

• 10:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  So this dumb girl was like,

• 10:30Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 10:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Educating me on the, the function of a crosswalk. And I'm like,

• 10:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know. I screwed up.

• 10:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah. So I'm trying like mea culpa. I'm sorry, but she wouldn't accept. She wouldn't. She kept going and going and going. And so finally I was like, listen, you fucking retard. I know what this is. And then she takes umbrage with me calling her a fucking retard because she's young.

• 10:53Tom Segura?

  How young?

• 10:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's like, I don't know, fucking 20 or something. You know how sensitive this generation is in our words?

• 10:59Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 11:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  And she's like, oh, I'm a fucking retard? How dare you call me that? My sister has Down syndrome.

• 11:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, boy.

• 11:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I go, yeah, it makes sense. It runs in the family. You guys are both fucking idiots.

• 11:10Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 11:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. But here's where, so I was cool with just words. You know what I'm saying? Like, I was like, alright, I'm gonna have words. We're done. And then she insults me. And she's, I fucking, I blacked out, cuz I don't even know, I'm so angry, like, cuz... She, then she says something like, "Okay, boomer, okay, boomer." And I was like, "No, dude." No. That's it.

• 11:37Tom Segura?

  How old?

• 11:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't you... I mean, dude, she was like, I don't know, dude, like, fifteen, maybe?

• 11:42Tom Segura?

  I thought she was twenty.

• 11:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe fifteen? Maybe, like, fourteen?

• 11:50Tom Segura?

  Fourteen?

• 11:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, I don't know.

• 11:52Tom Segura?

  Well, if she's fourteen, maybe she was thirteen, or twelve.

• 11:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, she had on a...

• 11:56Tom Segura?

  Is she a child?

• 11:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  She had on a Minecraft shirt.

• 12:01Tom Segura?

  She had a Minecraft shirt?

• 12:04Tom Segura?

  So maybe thirteen?

• 12:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway...

• 12:06Tom Segura?

  Thirteen or twelve?

• 12:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I don't fucking know her age, just stop, you know, ha... The fact that she calls me a boomer, I'm very proud to be Gen X. I'm very proud to be Gen X, don't call me a fucking boomer.

• 12:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, she's getting up into the, the side of the car, and she's like, "Why don't you get out, bitch? Why don't you get out, bitch?" And like, I haven't fought since grade school, since fucking my seventh grades with... You know what? I've told stories before, I've been in physical fights with people.

• 12:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I was like, "Alright, bitch, let's go." You made my pussy dry. Yup.

• 12:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I fucking, I hit her, she hit me, you know? Shit was thrown, whatever, it's cool, they call her...

• 12:42Tom Segura?

  You're a mother.

• 12:44Tom Segura?

  What are you doing, man?

• 12:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but she called me a boomer. And I'm not a fucking boomer, dude, I'm Gen X, and I'm very proud of that.

• 12:50Tom Segura?

  Alright, okay. So...

• 12:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyways, she's fucked up, I'm fucked up.

• 12:55Tom Segura?

  And she hit you?

• 12:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  She hit me, I hit her right back.

• 12:59Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 13:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hit her right back, what am I supposed to do?

• 13:03Tom Segura?

  I don't know, this is a very...

• 13:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  When somebody hits you, you're not gonna hit her back?

• 13:06Tom Segura?

  I know, this is just like an interest, like, you look like Walter White.

• 13:15Tom Segura?

  You look like a crazy person.

• 13:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  So?

• 13:17Tom Segura?

  Okay. I am, uh...

• 13:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll tell you the truth, I didn't really get into a fight.

• 13:21Tom Segura?

  Oh, you didn't? Because I got in a fight.

• 13:25Tom Segura?

  I did.

• 13:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You did not.

• 13:26Tom Segura?

  I did.

• 13:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell them what really happened then?

• 13:29Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I had plastic surgery.

• 13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I had my eyes done. I just don't, I look crazy right now.

• 13:35Tom Segura?

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• 14:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sorry, not to remind, but I do love the white peach. That's a real banger.

• 14:30Tom Segura?

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• 15:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, it does. Is there anything better than our tunes, sitting on the boat, Coors Light?

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• 15:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you did get into a fight.

• 15:57Tom Segura?

  I got in a, yeah.

• 15:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is crazy.

• 15:58Tom Segura?

  It was over a wave, yeah.

• 16:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you're a surfer dude now, now that we're in the south.

• 16:02Tom Segura?

  Been surfing every day.

• 16:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  But how did, why did you get into a fight though?

• 16:06Tom Segura?

  Cause I was going to take a wave and this guy was like, that's mine. I was like, what?

• 16:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, cause the surfers are very territorial.

• 16:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah. And I go, what are you talking about? And then I started to paddle out to it and he fucking flipped out. He pulled out a switchblade.

• 16:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 16:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang dude.

• 16:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it was crazy.

• 16:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then how did you find him?

• 16:26Tom Segura?

  He swung at me with it, yeah.

• 16:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's what he left you with?

• 16:29Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, look at that.

• 16:31Tom Segura?

  Like scraped the side of my face.

• 16:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's crazy, dude.

• 16:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why you have that bald.

• 16:36Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, you and I, summer of fighting.

• 16:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's wild.

• 16:41Tom Segura?

  I hit him.

• 16:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You hit him back?

• 16:42Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then what happened to him?

• 16:45Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 16:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  He just disappeared? He surfed away?

• 16:47Tom Segura?

  I don't think he surfed away. He kind of floated for a minute and then I left.

• 16:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  He could be dead.

• 16:52Tom Segura?

  I guess. I didn't see anything in the paper.

• 16:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dead surfer?

• 16:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. That's wild, dude.

• 17:00Tom Segura?

  It's pretty crazy.

• 17:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're having a very interesting summer.

• 17:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I've also been watching a lot of Vietnam stuff.

• 17:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 17:06Tom Segura?

  It's so much more of a bummer.

• 17:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I can't believe you hit a guy in the ocean.

• 17:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where did he had a switchblade in his suit?

• 17:15Tom Segura?

  In his board shorts, yeah.

• 17:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 17:17Tom Segura?

  It's pretty nuts.

• 17:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's pretty scary.

• 17:18Tom Segura?

  There I am ripping it up at the Palm Springs Surf Club, yeah.

• 17:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're really good at surfing. You're really picking it up.

• 17:25Tom Segura?

  Man, it's just like, I don't know, it's just like being one with nature, it feels like.

• 17:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it is pretty rad when you-

• 17:31Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool.

• 17:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  When you get up on that thing, huh?

• 17:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway. Yeah, you look great. Uh, well, I'm sorry that guy shaved your face with a knife. It's wild.

• 17:38Tom Segura?

  Fucking nuts.

• 17:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so I had a, I had a bra lift.

• 17:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I had my upper blefs done, because you know I've been talking about it forever, if you've been listening to the show.

• 17:48Tom Segura?

  Upper blefs.

• 17:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking hate how fat-

• 17:50Tom Segura?

  I learned about the word blefs from you. Are you good with that? You keep, you're like me, you're chewing on your-

• 17:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was nervous to tell that story, because I don't like to lie.

• 17:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't lie very well. Not like you.

• 18:00Tom Segura?

  Oh, thanks.

• 18:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Hitler. So, anyway.

• 18:03Tom Segura?

  Hitler.

• 18:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, just kidding. I don't know why I called you that. But anyway, um, what was I talking about? I'm on so many drugs.

• 18:09Tom Segura?

  Um, I don't know.

• 18:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a Hitler summer.

• 18:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, alright, so I had my upper blefs done.

• 18:14Tom Segura?

  Yes, blefs.

• 18:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, that's the skin, they remove a little bit of skin, and then I've got staples in my forehead.

• 18:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where they do a brow lift, which is kind of fucking creepy, and I'm a little upset at you that you won't look at my staples.

• 18:26Tom Segura?

  Well, I do like making you laugh, because you say it hurts and it makes you feel like your staples are gonna come out.

• 18:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's gonna rip out, yeah. Uh, but I get those taken out next week, so that's pretty exciting.

• 18:36Tom Segura?

  It is exciting.

• 18:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  And right now, it's just all bruised and crazy.

• 18:38Tom Segura?

  I have to say, I know you're covering up, it's crazy how minimal it is. Like, you don't-

• 18:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:43Tom Segura?

  It barely looks like anything happened.

• 18:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, you guys will see it when I reveal it.

• 18:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's gonna be pretty special.

• 18:49Tom Segura?

  Special.

• 18:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the secret, it's just too minimal.

• 18:51Tom Segura?

  I can show you what you look like.

• 18:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 18:53Tom Segura?

  Like, what I've seen.

• 18:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 18:55Tom Segura?

  This is what you look like, ready?

• 18:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go ahead.

• 19:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:02Tom Segura?

  That's what you look like.

• 19:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a very natural glow.

• 19:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You look rested.

• 19:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Everyone's gonna be like, I can be like, I barely had any work done.

• 19:13Tom Segura?

  Looks good.

• 19:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't wait to get that way. Like Jeff Bezos' new wife.

• 19:16Tom Segura?

  Oh, my god.

• 19:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  She looks so fucking crazy, dude.

• 19:18Tom Segura?

  That looks nuts.

• 19:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. And I totally get it now, because it is.

• 19:22Tom Segura?

  Isn't that crazy that she has all the resources in the world?

• 19:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:25Tom Segura?

  And she's like.

• 19:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you get bad plastic surgery?

• 19:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 19:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, the secret is to get the best of the best and then do very minimal things.

• 19:32Tom Segura?

  Fucking nuts.

• 19:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. She looks gnarly.

• 19:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, that's too, will you tell me if I go there, though?

• 19:38Tom Segura?

  No.

• 19:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 19:40Tom Segura?

  It'll just be too far and I can't say anything. I'll just be like, wow, she lost her mind.

• 19:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the lips and that.

• 19:46Tom Segura?

  The lips is like the real tell. I think you can do some shit to your face as a lady that's like, once you go crazy with lips, it's just all, it's over.

• 19:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because this is moderate. Like, when you guys see it, it's very slight. It's not, it's not too crazy. But that's, that is not, that's not attractive at all.

• 20:03Tom Segura?

  It's extreme.

• 20:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I know how they do it because they get you in that plastic surgeon's office. It's so fun. Everybody's laughing. They're like, oh, my god, are you excited for your paint? And you're like, yeah, this is, what, this is not a big deal, right?

• 20:14Tom Segura?

  And then they do shit where they're like, and then, do you want to do the nose?

• 20:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:17Tom Segura?

  And you're like, my, my nose? And they're like, yeah, you want to just make it a little nicer?

• 20:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  A little tweak?

• 20:23Tom Segura?

  And you're like, oh, oh, yeah, I'll do my nose. Okay, so we'll do nose and chin. We're doing chin?

• 20:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:29Tom Segura?

  Oh, oh, you didn't want, oh, we can leave it.

• 20:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:32Tom Segura?

  And you're like, no, throw that in. Yeah, that's a good idea.

• 20:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because it becomes, like, I would never have done this.

• 20:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Before I had all those breast cancer surgeries.

• 20:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I would never be like, yeah, just have a surgery.

• 20:44Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 20:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  But because I had gone through so many surgeries last year, I was like, this is a nothing burger.

• 20:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Having my eyes cut up? Who gives a shit? But once you get used to it, that's when it's dangerous. You know what I'm saying?

• 20:57Tom Segura?

  Your inspiration, one of your inspirations.

• 20:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:00Tom Segura?

  For your art path.

• 21:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, thank you for bringing that up.

• 21:05Tom Segura?

  Adrian Brody.

• 21:10Tom Segura?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 21:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's going on with his TikToks?

• 21:12Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 21:16Tom Segura?

  That's, that's really weird.

• 21:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 05

  Yo.

• 21:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  This one.

• 21:22Speaker 05

  Yo.

• 21:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, what's up, bro? What's up with you?

• 21:26Speaker 05

  Man.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  Today's a great day to smile.

• 21:33Speaker 05

  What a perfect day to smile.

• 21:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it is.

• 21:37Speaker 05

  I want to thank all the voters at the Golden Globe for for this tremendous honor of getting nominated and also nominating my fellow cast on the film and

• 21:53Speaker 05

  all of the hard work that's gone into it.

• 21:55Tom Segura?

  If we get nominated for Bad Thoughts, should I do an exact?

• 21:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God, yes. Yo.

• 22:01Tom Segura?

  I'll go.

• 22:03Tom Segura?

  It's a great day to smile.

• 22:07Tom Segura?

  So I want to thank all the voters for nominating, yeah.

• 22:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you even imagine making this? Oh, my God, can you imagine?

• 22:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 22:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so insufferable.

• 22:20Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool.

• 22:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's insufferable. It's like Meghan Markle where she's like, can you bring that TikTok up?

• 22:27Tom Segura?

  Those are so fucking weird, man.

• 22:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which ones?

• 22:30Tom Segura?

  When she's just like, I just, I'm just, I'm doing this and I'm reordering and everything's sold out.

• 22:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the one, that's the one.

• 22:39Tom Segura?

  Everything's sold out. I just have to like, how am I gonna, I gotta be a mom and I gotta, we have so many sales.

• 22:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so busy. I'm so hard, working so hard as I work.

• 22:50Tom Segura?

  It's just.

• 22:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's insufferable.

• 22:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  But this Adrian Brody, he's on a whole other level. There's another one where he's like, are you mad? Stay mad at me or something like, he's just, I don't know, he's having all kinds of dialogue in his own head. Then nobody else is participating.

• 23:05Speaker 05

  Hey, everyone, I hope you're having a great day with your friends and family and loved ones. The sun is shining.

• 23:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  We get it, yeah.

• 23:14Speaker 05

  The masks are starting to come off.

• 23:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 23:17Speaker 05

  I think now more than ever as we celebrate Memorial Day.

• 23:25Speaker 05

  We should acknowledge the tremendous sacrifices, not only of the

• 23:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, boy.

• 23:31Speaker 05

  brave men and women who have served in the military.

• 23:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  He cares.

• 23:38Speaker 05

  During times of conflict.

• 23:40Tom Segura?

  Okay, so.

• 23:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta tell you that anytime people do these, they don't care. There's no way he actually gives a rip.

• 23:47Tom Segura?

  I mean, it's just weird.

• 23:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's done nothing.

• 23:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  He does not care.

• 23:50Tom Segura?

  Well, it's a good time to bring up your art, though.

• 23:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yes. Thank you so much for doing that. Exactly. In honor of our friend here, he inspired me

• 23:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  to see the value of my own artwork.

• 24:01Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 24:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, right now, it's still up for sale. Fuck around and find out. This is the first, this'll be the first of many works. Yes, this is the original that I did. It was on sale for $10,000. Now, I do think I did not price that correctly.

• 24:18Tom Segura?

  I think you're right. Yeah.

• 24:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is why it is now $20,000.

• 24:23Tom Segura?

  $20,000, yeah.

• 24:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think that that is going to, someone's gonna right there.

• 24:28Tom Segura?

  Pick it up. Yep.

• 24:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right there.

• 24:29Tom Segura?

  So, if you, you didn't purchase it, obviously, you missed the chance to get it for, basically, free.

• 24:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you know what? Fuck around and find out.

• 24:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now it's $20,000.

• 24:40Tom Segura?

  Now it's $20,000.

• 24:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  You missed your fucking chance.

• 24:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Good job.

• 24:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now you get it.

• 24:45Tom Segura?

  Now you get it.

• 24:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Will I sell prints? I don't know.

• 24:48Tom Segura?

  I don't know. It'd be great to have the original.

• 24:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Talk about value. Talk about a legacy, owning a piece of work from a timeless artist like myself.

• 24:56Tom Segura?

  I wonder how this will do at 20.

• 24:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it's gonna go so fast.

• 25:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, unless it's not priced correctly, and maybe.

• 25:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, we'll cross that bridge.

• 25:06Tom Segura?

  Bump it again. Who knows?

• 25:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  We'll cross that bridge.

• 25:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, I'm stoked about it, so thank you, guys, you know.

• 25:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Buy my art.

• 25:15Tom Segura?

  And since you're obviously, you know.

• 25:19Tom Segura?

  Recovering.

• 25:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 25:20Tom Segura?

  I thought this would make you feel good.

• 25:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, oh my god.

• 25:23Tom Segura?

  The goth basketball player Caitlyn Dark?

• 25:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this girl.

• 25:27Tom Segura?

  Is that the name right?

• 25:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course it is.

• 25:30Tom Segura?

  It's Caitlyn Dark?

• 25:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's her last name, bro.

• 25:32Tom Segura?

  No.

• 25:33Speaker 06

  Real name is Caitlyn Cunningham, but I think she goes by Caitlyn Dark.

• 25:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause she's rad.

• 25:37Tom Segura?

  I mean, how stoked are you for this?

• 25:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, I've, people have been sending me this check.

• 25:41Tom Segura?

  She looks badass, really.

• 25:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I admire it so much. I mean, I love the dedication to the eye makeup and it's, she's gotta be sweaty too. And it just, she does it.

• 25:51Tom Segura?

  She Australian?

• 25:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's so rad. I don't know. I don't know her story.

• 25:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she's Australian.

• 25:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Caitlyn, I love it. I wish more players would go goth like this.

• 25:59Tom Segura?

  Who is driving lesbians wild.

• 26:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, sweet, and me.

• 26:03Tom Segura?

  Maybe I've just got big dick energy, she says.

• 26:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dude.

• 26:07Tom Segura?

  Nice. Is she gay or no?

• 26:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 26:10Tom Segura?

  She's not, it's just that she's a...

• 26:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I like what she's doing for gothic, uh, visibility.

• 26:14Tom Segura?

  No, I know, I'm just referencing the article, like...

• 26:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe, maybe she's driving the lesbians, maybe straight guys. Are you in, would you, are you into it? Yeah.

• 26:22Tom Segura?

  Smash.

• 26:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's great.

• 26:24Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 26:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love that she does this before and I'm surprised they let her do it, which is the best part.

• 26:29Speaker 02

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• 27:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 27:28Tom Segura?

  She looks, she looks great.

• 27:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  She looks great. I love all the tats. Look at her. Ah, what a great build, too. She's got that lean lesbian body.

• 27:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, there's a girl on the L word that she looks similar to.

• 27:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but I don't know if she is. We don't.

• 27:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  We don't know. We're, you know, who knows?

• 27:41Speaker 06

  This article says she's queer.

• 27:43Tom Segura?

  Oh, she's queer, okay.

• 27:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's queer.

• 27:44Tom Segura?

  Is she like 6'2"? Do you know her height?

• 27:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  She looks tall as shit.

• 27:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she looks really tall.

• 27:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it, dude. I love her eye makeup.

• 27:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's got that, uh, kinda cholo Joker.

• 27:55Tom Segura?

  She's 6'4".

• 27:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang, dude!

• 27:58Tom Segura?

  That's wild.

• 27:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not a girl.

• 28:00Tom Segura?

  That's tall as fuck, man.

• 28:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's awesome. Do they let players do that? I, I know Rodman was doing all kinds of stuff in the 90s.

• 28:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, typically you don't see that.

• 28:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  They don't allow it now, right?

• 28:11Tom Segura?

  Not really. I mean, I don't know if it's allowed, you're just, nobody does that.

• 28:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think they should.

• 28:16Tom Segura?

  A lot of the players these days, especially like the dudes that are young, like, talking like 19, 20 going into the league, a lot of them are into, you know, like, painting their nails and they're just, it's way more, uh, a part of that, the culture now, I feel like.

• 28:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, straight guys, you mean?

• 28:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah, straight guys and they're, and wearing stuff. You know, stuff that Annie's a fan of, just like.

• 28:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 28:38Tom Segura?

  Right? Just like, cool.

• 28:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cool stuff?

• 28:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like what?

• 28:43Tom Segura?

  You know what I'm talking about, right, Annie?

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, check my nails. It's freshly painted. Yeah, you know how it is.

• 28:48Tom Segura?

  But you know what I mean, though? How you see that now in the league?

• 28:51Speaker 01

  Uh, I don't see it in the league. I mean, I don't really watch sports, you know what I'm saying, so.

• 28:54Tom Segura?

  Oh. Yeah, a lot of, a lot of the, the fit checks are like.

• 28:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fit checks?

• 28:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're, they're.

• 29:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fit check.

• 29:01Tom Segura?

  They're a little swishy, but it's kind of.

• 29:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 29:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and you'll see, like, the older guys are like, "Yo, what the fuck?"

• 29:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 29:08Tom Segura?

  But the young guys are all into it, yeah.

• 29:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, we're all evolving into one unisex thing.

• 29:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, it's going that way. That's cool. I like it. Well, Caitlyn Dark.

• 29:17Tom Segura?

  This more. This is like, the norm.

• 29:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's the fucking best.

• 29:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Uh, Annie, check this shit out, man. Hey, boss, they finished cleaning out the empty stalls. Thanks, Mark. What's up, boss? The stables used to be full. I don't know, but if we don't fill these stables soon, we'll have to shut down the ranch.

• 29:33Speaker 06

  Things will get better, just you wait and see.

• 29:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's hope so. All this bullshit is stressing me out.

• 29:38Speaker 06

  Let me see if I can make you feel better.

• 29:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's a nice massage.

• 29:46Tom Segura?

  Hell yeah.

• 29:47Speaker 06

  That sure is a good start.

• 29:51Speaker 06

  Then let's continue on.

• 29:53Tom Segura?

  Hell yeah.

• 29:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 29:54Tom Segura?

  You know, I don't think you could actually cast somebody to act like, like, I could try to recreate this with actors, and I don't think you can.

• 30:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, explain. What do you mean?

• 30:05Tom Segura?

  Like, you can't get a good actor to give you this performance. You just have to cast shit actors. Like, you have to find the magic, the magic of the shit acting to deliver this.

• 30:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 30:21Tom Segura?

  Is incredible. Like, because they're terrible actors. And that's amazing, because they're in everything. Like, every clip from this era is just the shittiest acting. It's so cool.

• 30:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  You'd think at one point they would hire a coach.

• 30:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just to say, hey, guys, the inflection, just try to change it. Every line is exactly the same. And every line is exactly the same, the same canis.

• 30:45Speaker 05

  Yo, how much I charge? Two hundred, we'll do anything you want. Anything? Anything. Yeah, I'll kiss. Kiss?

• 30:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shaking his head.

• 31:00Speaker 06

  For two fucking hundreds. Two hundred, you couldn't just make two hundred fucking dollars by your dance floor? How's that shit feel? Is it worth it?

• 31:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe they wanted to.

• 31:14Speaker 06

  They didn't even give him two hundred? That's just for fucking free? God damn, man.

• 31:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I'm telling you, it doesn't bother him as much as the black.

• 31:22Tom Segura?

  Black guy's doing it, yes, yeah, yeah.

• 31:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Black gay kisses bother him than white.

• 31:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah. On his scale of what bothers him, it's black gay kisses that bother him the most. Y'all are stupid.

• 31:38Tom Segura?

  Hey Kalu, we gotta get more black gay kisses. Yeah.

• 31:42Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, please, Zoa, get on it.

• 31:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, I'm so excited, that movie that you guys wanted me to watch.

• 31:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That you did the music for Annie?

• 31:54Speaker 05

  What, that I did the music for?

• 31:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, you do the soundtrack so well.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, so you watched it?

• 32:01Tom Segura?

  No, he didn't see it yet.

• 32:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's not out yet, it's gonna be on Apple TV any minute.

• 32:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a day or two.

• 32:06Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 32:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't watch it without thinking of him.

• 32:11Tom Segura?

  I know, now every time we see trailers for it, we just hear you going, "Mm-hmm."

• 32:16Speaker 05

  Bro, you don't have to wa- you don't have to think about me, they do it in the movie. They do it in the fucking movie. I've had people message me, they're like, "Bro, I watched that movie again."

• 32:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:25Speaker 05

  And every time I hear the "Mm-hmm," it just ruins it, and it's like, you ruin that.

• 32:29Tom Segura?

  Bro, you know that like-

• 32:30Speaker 05

  It's bullshit, now you're just, now you're just awake.

• 32:33Tom Segura?

  The trailer, like, it's so funny because you're the first person that I've met, literally, that has shit on this movie. And like, the trailer comes up and it starts with "The best film of the year." And then I hear Annie being like, "This bullshit."

• 32:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  My staples are gonna rip out.

• 32:50Tom Segura?

  Trash!

• 32:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Trash.

• 32:52Speaker 05

  It's trash, you can't fucking buy me, man, I don't care how much you pay me, I ain't saying that movie's good.

• 32:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  $200?

• 32:57Speaker 05

  That's what they did, $200, oh my god.

• 32:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Would you French kiss a black guy?

• 33:04Speaker 05

  Not for $200,000.

• 33:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  No?

• 33:06Tom Segura?

  $200,000, no.

• 33:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just a lip kiss, not a French.

• 33:10Speaker 05

  No, because how am I gonna-

• 33:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, stop.

• 33:12Speaker 05

  No, because I can't afford not sleeping, you can't, there's no price that fixes that.

• 33:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm so afraid.

• 33:17Speaker 05

  That's no-

• 33:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so afraid of it.

• 33:20Tom Segura?

  I'd kiss dick tips.

• 33:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you know what?

• 33:22Tom Segura?

  I'd kiss dick tips for $200.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  Yo, ISO that shit, that's crazy.

• 33:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would kiss pussy tips, too. Hey, this mic is falling, guys, it's a limp dick.

• 33:31Tom Segura?

  It's a limp dick?

• 33:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It keeps going, "Meow."

• 33:33Tom Segura?

  Okay, hold on.

• 33:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta go piss, anyway.

• 33:35Tom Segura?

  Okay. And I ask, what is this? What is what? It's a camera. So, you peed?

• 33:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I pissed, um, I love it, I walked by the monitor and those two guys are French in front of Annie.

• 33:47Speaker 05

  Bro, it's right in front of my fucking face, like, can we, we could do something else.

• 33:52Tom Segura?

  All right.

• 33:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, just leave it. Beautiful soul, so I want you to ask yourself, what you feeding your pussy today, beautiful soul? Go in with intention and self-love and self-

• 34:05Speaker 06

  Care. Think about how it's gonna digest in your body and attach to that pussy. And what it's gonna do, beautiful soul. If you eat the fruit, it's gonna go in that pussy and fruitify it. Meaning it's gonna heal it and clean it and just flourish it with

• 34:22Speaker 06

  a good ass drip. I'm gonna say that as kind as I can.

• 34:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 34:28Tom Segura?

  Is that true?

• 34:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I don't know that fruit fortifies the pussy, but I do know that yogurts are good probiotics and such for the the environment of the pussy.

• 34:38Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 34:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just love that everybody's into self-care now.

• 34:41Tom Segura?

  Self-care is big.

• 34:42Speaker 06

  But we gotta clean that pussy out, beautiful soul. The fruits go in the body and they sweep the lymphatic drains. You do have lymphatic nose in that pussy. Okay, you got parasites in that pussy. So you gotta help that pussy get clean. In this day and age, we're affected by too many things. So we gotta take time with ourself. Take time with intention on our intake along with the products. Beautiful soul.

• 35:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Beautiful soul.

• 35:06Speaker 06

  So what you feeding that pussy today, love? Ask yourself.

• 35:11Tom Segura?

  I can say I've never seen a message like this before.

• 35:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 35:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  In all the years we've been doing this show, uh, vegan vagina, that guy.

• 35:19Tom Segura?

  That was, oh yeah, that's, yeah, but that's different.

• 35:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he was drinking the smoothies. He wouldn't tell you to do it.

• 35:24Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 35:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he liked, he preferred vegan vaginas is what his deal was.

• 35:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that was pretty cool.

• 35:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  But this is, I agree with her. This can't be wrong.

• 35:33Tom Segura?

  No, it's, how can it be wrong?

• 35:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It can't be bad to eat healthy for your pussy health.

• 35:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I, I think I normally hear eat fruit, but it's just like, hey, it's good for you, fiber.

• 35:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 35:45Tom Segura?

  You know, this nice source of energy for you.

• 35:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not correlated to.

• 35:49Tom Segura?

  Never heard it been like, fruitify your pussy.

• 35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fruitify, yeah, I agree, I agree. But speaking of your, uh, Browns, I don't, how have your Browns been since we've been in the South?

• 35:58Tom Segura?

  Great.

• 35:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, what's going on?

• 36:00Tom Segura?

  Great.

• 36:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's going on?

• 36:01Tom Segura?

  Great Browns. I don't know why.

• 36:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not a sloppy one since we've been here.

• 36:06Tom Segura?

  I mean, not the, not always the best, but I've had some really good ones, yeah.

• 36:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think it is? What is happening to you?

• 36:12Tom Segura?

  I don't know. Is it just stress-free lifestyle at the beach?

• 36:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe.

• 36:19Tom Segura?

  I mean, is the food that different that I'm eating? I don't think so.

• 36:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you're traveling a lot, so it's different bacterias.

• 36:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, traveling always is a motherfucker. Beautiful soul.

• 36:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Beautiful soul.

• 36:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You told me a beautiful story today about you and your trainer.

• 36:34Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. So I've been working out here. I, I found a gym like 10 minutes from our place, which is great.

• 36:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:41Tom Segura?

  Small gym, uh, which I prefer, honestly, like small, private sessions. Really like great equipment and, and like really knowledgeable people there. So I hit them up and I've just been going for sessions like every other day I've been going there.

• 36:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just you and the dudes.

• 37:00Tom Segura?

  And I was in there today. I went a little earlier.

• 37:05Tom Segura?

  And I'd had before I had, um, let's see, I had some fruit. I had a banana to, for my dick to fruitify it.

• 37:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 37:12Tom Segura?

  And then I had, um, a little bit of like half a meal bar, just to have like a little, you know, food in me. And we were training and we were doing, uh, farmer's walks with these huge, like the strong man ones.

• 37:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:29Tom Segura?

  And he was setting it up and like, I was like, oh, I feel, I feel like a fart coming. So I kind of walked away from him, like not even that far, maybe like 15 feet away. And he was talking to me about like the, the technique of like how to pick it up and like short, fast walks. And he's putting weights on it because it has like these, you know, pillars that come out and he's putting weights on it. And I stood like 15 and I looked at him and I was like, oh, I'll just like fart over here and it'll like, and I didn't think it was gonna make any noise and it made so much noise. It was like one of the loudest, longest farts I've had. And I looked at him as I was doing it.

• 38:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you didn't. You did eye contact?

• 38:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I did eye contact. And I was like, right, right? And he was like, yeah, so like, you know, short, fast steps. And I go, right? And it was like, you know, like just like a...

• 38:21Tom Segura?

  And as I was doing that, he, he just was like, yeah, so then

• 38:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop!

• 38:26Tom Segura?

  And then slide them down over here and then turn around and do it back.

• 38:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  He looked at, hold on, you're standing there?

• 38:31Tom Segura?

  And there was never any discussion about it. Nothing. Like, nothing. Nothing came about it.

• 38:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you think, there's two possibilities. Either this guy is your soulmate and nothing need be said?

• 38:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or this guy is so mortified by you as a human being that he was like, I can't even address this.

• 38:49Tom Segura?

  Can I tell you what, I was thinking about it too. I think it's that he is around, because there's some, there's a couple people that, without trying to blow up their spot, there's some savages that go here.

• 39:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 39:02Tom Segura?

  And I think he's used to just animalistic behavior. And that he was just like, yeah, this is just how certain dudes are.

• 39:10Tom Segura?

  And like, there's not even a need to address it.

• 39:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're just beef machines.

• 39:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:14Tom Segura?

  He was just like, it's another guy who farts.

• 39:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's so accustomed to piggery.

• 39:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  That he's like, whatever dude.

• 39:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that must be it. That's gotta be it.

• 39:24Tom Segura?

  It's gotta be it.

• 39:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Especially if there's no women. Are there any women there?

• 39:28Tom Segura?

  I mean, there's women who train there, but like, it's not, there's not 10 people walking around.

• 39:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I'm, but I'm saying, was there a woman in the room at the time?

• 39:37Tom Segura?

  When I did that, no. A woman had left. She was there and she had left. Yeah. She had trained before me.

• 39:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because that might be why you felt liberated to do so.

• 39:46Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he was like, whatever.

• 39:48Tom Segura?

  Whatever dude. Yeah.

• 39:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I train in Texas at that weightlifting place. That's all like, you know, ex-military and like, real, real dudes.

• 39:57Tom Segura?

  Real psycho dudes.

• 39:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I have a feeling when I'm there, they hold it together just a tiny bit.

• 40:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah. That's standard behavior.

• 40:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:05Tom Segura?

  Like even, here's the thing, it doesn't have to do, just when women are around, you dial it back just a, just a pinch. And then if it's just dudes, you're like, fuck it. Yeah.

• 40:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, because you know, I love these period piece type shows?

• 40:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they're like, you know, women shouldn't be allowed in drinking parlors because they can hear unsavory things. And I'm like, oh my God, not in our house. That is the complete fucking

• 40:29Tom Segura?

  And you and your, your circle of fucking demons that you hang out with. Those women are barely women.

• 40:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I know. They're pigs, but that's why I like them.

• 40:39Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 40:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  We went, when we went to Puerto Vallarta, it's funny, so, uh, one of my, the, one of the girls that's on the trip, her mother's from Guatemala, and her Guatemalan mother was like, "Oh, be careful, you're going to get sex trafficked in Mexico." And he was like, "Uh, we're not getting trafficked. We're all 50 years old. Nobody wants these old bodies, these old pussies, these old fucking shriveled up."

• 41:03Tom Segura?

  I got some special for you, man. I got these four 50-year-old broads.

• 41:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who's just sex trafficking? 50-year-olds?

• 41:11Tom Segura?

  No.

• 41:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, maybe they'll kidnap me to cook for them or something?

• 41:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but you're past the...

• 41:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, way past trafficking.

• 41:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right?

• 41:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, if you were 19, they'd be like, "Yeah, scoop them up."

• 41:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Scoop them up?

• 41:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is the nice thing about aging, is that you're beyond those problems. Like, nobody's gonna probably roofie me at a party anymore.

• 41:30Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 41:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's done. It's great. I can just enjoy myself now.

• 41:33Tom Segura?

  Right. They're just like, "Oh, I would have roofied you years ago."

• 41:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's cool. Would you roofie me now?

• 41:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I would. Yeah.

• 41:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  You would?

• 41:43Tom Segura?

  If I, yeah, if I didn't know you, sure. I'd drug you.

• 41:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sweet, babe.

• 41:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks. Thanks for saying.

• 41:49Tom Segura?

  I'd tie you up, keep you in a fucking basement.

• 41:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks, buddy.

• 41:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, this is interesting, because last night, you told me that I was cold as ice and a sociopath.

• 42:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I think, actually, you're the one that's more...

• 42:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, you are. You're mentally ill. But, but it's a kind that I'm familiar with, and I still, I, I love you.

• 42:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  My stitches are, staples are gonna fucking pop.

• 42:17Tom Segura?

  We had this back and forth about it, because you were like, you were saying, "It's me, I'm you," and I, I, no, we're just gonna put this out there.

• 42:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 42:25Tom Segura?

  Uh, Zolo? Yes? Um, I want you to find somebody to come in when we go back to Texas. Okay. To test Christina I and anybody on the staff that wants to take a test for like antisocial personality disorder and have them, you know, get like vet like a really good person for it. Then we'll all submit our tests and then we want them to come on the show and basically review people's.

• 42:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, let's talk about this because there's different levels. There's just people that are, you said, I don't have feelings. I'm very emotionally cold.

• 42:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, you're cold and yeah, yeah, you're, you're very Eastern European.

• 43:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. But then there's personality disorder.

• 43:06Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 43:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is.

• 43:08Tom Segura?

  Which pretty much, I think Eastern Europe falls into that. Under the DSM is, yeah, antisocial personality disorder is, yeah.

• 43:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then there's you.

• 43:16Tom Segura?

  Lack of empathy.

• 43:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:18Tom Segura?

  Lack of remorse.

• 43:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have the same prob, like feeling things.

• 43:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Why are you smiling?

• 43:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, oh, that's just cultural too. I mean, that's weakness. Smiling is weakness. But, but you, but, but your thing with like, your enjoyment of watching murders and killings and.

• 43:39Tom Segura?

  I mean, I keep saying the same thing to you for, like, everybody's watching these shows. You act like it's made for me. These shows are like number one.

• 43:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but I also think that like you, you're not, you're not up in your feelings all the time either, you know? I would say, I would say, I mean, okay, let's, let's just say, let's look at bad thoughts. Okay, granted, the show is called Bad Thoughts for a reason.

• 44:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, that literally came from your sick, mentally ill mind.

• 44:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's your, that's what's inside of that noodle. So, I mean, I, listen, I was, I, I was DMing with Tom Green because the kids discovered his brilliant sandwich bit.

• 44:22Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just a little more, a little more olives.

• 44:24Tom Segura?

  A little more lettuce.

• 44:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  A little more lettuce.

• 44:26Tom Segura?

  A little mayo on that, a little more cheese.

• 44:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brilliant, and it still holds up. All of his shit is still funny. And I DM'd him and I was like, hey, my kids found a little more olives and everything. And he's like, great, show them the bum bum song. And of course, they love that. And then, and then he said something like, I really love Tom's show. And I was like, next time you're in Texas, you know, come over for dinner, whatever. And he's like, alright, as long as you don't think I'm, you know, mentally ill. And I was like, no, Tom's way more mentally ill than you.

• 44:54Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 44:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you look at the content the two of you put out, I mean, who's crazier, you or Tom Green?

• 44:59Tom Segura?

  Well, no, it's different types of crazy.

• 45:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, let's talk about it.

• 45:03Tom Segura?

  Well, you're the craziest of all.

• 45:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you see how you throw stones? And it's always the people that are the most mentally ill that will never admit to being mentally ill. I know I'm mentally ill.

• 45:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't even acknowledge your shadow self?

• 45:18Tom Segura?

  I acknowledge some of it. I acknowledge there's a bit of it. But you're the real, you're the-

• 45:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know I am. I admit that I know where my dark areas are. I don't even think you know where they are.

• 45:29Tom Segura?

  Where mine are?

• 45:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't even know.

• 45:31Tom Segura?

  I know that I'm not 100% normal.

• 45:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where, where would you say your blind spots are to normalcy? What do you think?

• 45:42Tom Segura?

  Fucking deal with this bullshit?

• 45:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid bitch.

• 45:48Tom Segura?

  I did not say that.

• 45:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's what you fucking said.

• 45:50Tom Segura?

  No, I said it with my eyes, but I didn't say it.

• 45:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, this'll be interesting then, if we get a-

• 46:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  The shrink's gonna have it.

• 46:04Tom Segura?

  He's gonna have a fun time.

• 46:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know who's the most mentally ill on our, on our team.

• 46:09Tom Segura?

  You want to guess?

• 46:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I already know.

• 46:11Tom Segura?

  Who?

• 46:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think everybody knows. Should we all say the name at the same time?

• 46:14Tom Segura?

  Who?

• 46:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  On the count of three, one, two, three. And me.

• 46:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, me. Yeah, yeah, me. They'll have a, they'll have a field day with him. Also, I'm definitely just gonna gaslight him though. Yeah, of course.

• 46:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you have to-

• 46:27Tom Segura?

  I'm gonna make him say I'm fucking perfect. It's just, it's hard to do. He's like the fucking greatest guy. But you're gonna, are you gonna answer the questions honestly or dishonestly? Uh, well, define honestly.

• 46:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's psychotic.

• 46:39Tom Segura?

  For the form, would you, would you say what you really think on it or no? Uh, it's like, you know, yes. Okay. But. But you'll dial it back a little bit. You see, it's like, you know, it's context, context matters. Yes, I agree.

• 46:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but they know that. That's why they're gonna ask you the same question 10 different ways. So eventually they're gonna get some level of your insanity.

• 47:00Tom Segura?

  That's true. They should be able to get some of it. By the way, I watched, uh, Mickey 17. Have you seen that?

• 47:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me?

• 47:09Tom Segura?

  No, the guys.

• 47:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no, I haven't watched that.

• 47:10Tom Segura?

  Dude.

• 47:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  You liked it.

• 47:12Tom Segura?

  It was really good.

• 47:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  You really liked it?

• 47:14Tom Segura?

  He's fantastic, man.

• 47:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  This, that, that boy from Twilight?

• 47:17Tom Segura?

  Well, he's a great actor, but I mean, uh, the, the director, the guy that made Parasite, what's his name? Bong, uh.

• 47:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bong Joon-ho.

• 47:24Tom Segura?

  Bong Joon-ho. Bong Joon-ho, man, he can, he really does.

• 47:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Speaking of, the Korean food's delicious here, isn't it? I think I ordered some bong joon.

• 47:32Tom Segura?

  You don't get Korean food like, uh, no, you don't get Korean food like you do in Cali. Outside of Seoul, like here, it's the best, dude. LA, Korean food is unbelievable.

• 47:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hands down the best. You know, we have been, um, educating our boys on are the good comedies that we grew up on, like Spaceballs.

• 47:50Tom Segura?

  That has been the most fun.

• 47:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's been really fun.

• 47:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Spaceballs, I'm, I'm into Police Academy with Julian. I fast forward through the inappropriate stuff.

• 47:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 47:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he really loves, um, The Wrong Missy.

• 48:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, which has a lot of inappropriate.

• 48:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I forward through a ton of it, but I, if I don't, would you, what's her name? Car plus, Lauren Car plus, is that her name? I can't read it. Lapkus. Lapkus, Lauren Lapkus.

• 48:12Tom Segura?

  She's amazing in it.

• 48:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's so funny and god damn it, I could watch her do anything.

• 48:17Tom Segura?

  She's really great.

• 48:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Spade, of course, is fantastic too. This one's funny. And what else? Back to the Future. We showed them that one.

• 48:24Tom Segura?

  Back to the Future. They watched Back to the Future. They're like, it's in Back to the Future, by the way, is an absolutely perfect movie.

• 48:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  So fun.

• 48:33Tom Segura?

  Not a wasted frame of film in this movie. It's just so well executed. And then we're watching Back to the Future Part Two. And at the end of Back to the Future Part Two, Michael J. Fox is in a scene with Michael J. Fox. Right? Like, there's two of them and he's and the one of them is trying to make sure that the other one doesn't see him. And then the one leaves and he goes, Julian's like, wait a minute. There's two of them? I'm like, no, he's back in the past now. And he goes, what? I go, this is fucking whole premise of the movie.

• 49:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn kid.

• 49:04Tom Segura?

  Like, what do you think's happening? He's like, what year is it? Like, it's nineteen fifty, they're in nineteen fifty-five. He's like, nineteen fifty-five? And I go, yeah, man. Like, what do you think's happening? So crazy to try to explain it to a kid.

• 49:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, he laughs at the slapstick stuff.

• 49:20Tom Segura?

  Yes, he does.

• 49:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  He likes slapstick, so I'm happy to teach him that.

• 49:22Tom Segura?

  Me too.

• 49:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we're in Star Wars. We're watching the Star Wars stuff. The kids love, you know, burying the figurines that we got them in the beach.

• 49:30Tom Segura?

  What's crazy is we had their cousins come over yesterday and it's all girls. And seeing the girl parents watch the boys was so fun. Because one of them pulled me aside and they're like, hey, uh, your little guy just punched him in the head. And then he jumped on his back, but he didn't do anything back to him. I go, oh, yeah, they're just fucking around. He goes, he hit him pretty hard. Yeah, that's what they do.

• 49:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he laughs when he hits him really hard. They're, it's called playing.

• 49:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, at one point, three little girls were in our room bathing, right? Like, they're in the bathtub and I'm watching a show. And they're like, they're silent.

• 50:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just giggling. And I was like, if this were our two boys, it would be screaming and water everywhere.

• 50:15Tom Segura?

  And a flood, yeah.

• 50:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Flood and I'm like, it's having girls is like having, one girl is like, no, no, two girls is one dog.

• 50:24Tom Segura?

  And they let, when they left, they were like, thank you, Uncle Tommy. And they each gave me a hug and they were like, will you come with us? I was like, no, I have to stay here with these fucking heathens.

• 50:36Tom Segura?

  I wish I could. Can you stay?

• 50:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do. I know yesterday they they came over and and they're like, we're gonna go in the pool. And you were like, great, I'm staying here.

• 50:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you're away in the pool.

• 50:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, go go up there.

• 50:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, they're fucking psychos, dude.

• 50:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're crazy kids.

• 50:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  You started taking pictures of people.

• 50:58Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. Tommy F. Stop.

• 50:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:00Tom Segura?

  I started a photography account.

• 51:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fertography.

• 51:02Tom Segura?

  I love fertographs.

• 51:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:05Tom Segura?

  And I got so excited. I mean, you know, one of my closest confidants is Sean, my photographer. And so I'm always around him. He's a great fertographer, taking fertographs. And I don't know, I just, I love taking photo. I just do. I love it. And so I just started taking photos. I take them on film cameras and I get those developed. I love the process. Then I got a good digital one. And been buying lenses. I'm I'm just nerding out. I love it. And I post it. I just want you to know, some people are writing, they're like, this is gay. Tom, this is gay. And I just, I try to tell them that it's gonna get gayer. Like, it's the beginning

• 51:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:48Tom Segura?

  of how gay it'll be.

• 51:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 51:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there's Tommy F. Stop right there. But I tell them that I'm gonna keep posting and, you know, some people encourage me. Some people say very mean things to me about it, but I just want you to know that I'll never stop doing it.

• 52:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and you know what? Some people are not going to appreciate your art. And some people won't pay you what your art is worth, too.

• 52:11Tom Segura?

  Oh, right. Yeah, maybe I should start charging for each of these, right?

• 52:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you should.

• 52:15Tom Segura?

  That's a good idea.

• 52:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you should. But that's cool. So you're but you're taking portraits of people.

• 52:20Tom Segura?

  Sometimes portraits, sometimes just landscapes, sometimes just whatever is, I don't know, just anything. Half eaten burrito. Yeah.

• 52:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 52:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are so good in California, by the way.

• 52:30Tom Segura?

  The best breakfast burritos.

• 52:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you, um, so like you walk up to a lady and you'll be like,

• 52:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  hey, can I take your portrait?

• 52:37Tom Segura?

  Well, I've found, so here's the thing about the, cause my, I think my, you discover like, what are your favorites, right? So there's some landscape stuff that you love to do, like you see something like beautiful, you wanna take a photo of like in Iceland, like it's incredible, right?

• 52:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a really good picture. It's like a National Geographic, Tommy.

• 52:53Tom Segura?

  So you, you know, there's this kinda stuff. And then there's the portraits of people. My, I think my favorite are portraits of people.

• 53:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love that guy in New York.

• 53:04Tom Segura?

  That's Leonard, yeah.

• 53:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:06Tom Segura?

  So I like that stuff the most, I think. I don't know. It's always a, it's a discovery, right? But there's the whole thing, like him I know. So like, it's like, it's comfortable to say, hey, you mind if I take your photo? But on the street, it's like you get this kinda rush. It's kind of exciting to see somebody with like a unique look. And you go, you, you wanna ask them, right? But it's also, I find it very intimidating. Cause my, my, my general way of being is like, don't bother people. Like I always live by like, don't bother anyone, you know? So now I'm doing this and I have to like, wanna ask people, can I take your photo? And it's challenging. And I was, I was asking other photographers how they do it.

• 53:48Tom Segura?

  And one of them was like, well, the best thing you can do is um, you give a compliment to somebody first. Which is like, it's just a good way to, and you're gonna sense right away if, if it is a vibe with the person. And they say no. Like I've had people say no and then say yes, but you go like, oh, like, you know, you look amazing. Like this is such a cool look. You look like cool Modi. Can I take your photo, right?

• 54:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 54:12Tom Segura?

  And then sometimes they say, yeah. And so the other thing I've been doing is I offer an exchange. So I go, I'll say like, hey, you have, you have such a, like, I'll go, oh my God, I'm, I'm sorry to bother you, but you have such an amazing look. Do you mind if I take your photo? And if, if they say yes, I go, I'll show you my penis afterwards.

• 54:33Tom Segura?

  You know, so that way like you get something, I get something.

• 54:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody wins.

• 54:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a perfect.

• 54:38Tom Segura?

  And that's, I've been getting so many yeses after that.

• 54:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 54:41Tom Segura?

  Like I showed him and yeah, other people.

• 54:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  He loved your penis.

• 54:46Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah. He was like, that's nice.

• 54:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you for showing me your penis. That's so cool, Tom. And I bet people feel really rewarded when that's what they get.

• 54:53Tom Segura?

  Well, then, cause I also, I give like, I'll, I'll comment, I'll go, it's fully flaccid right now. There's more.

• 54:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's more to this penis.

• 54:59Tom Segura?

  There's more to this if you will just give me a moment.

• 55:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. That's a really cool idea. And I don't think any other photographer out there is doing that.

• 55:08Tom Segura?

  She was looking right at my penis when I took this photo. That's why she's smiling.

• 55:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so cool.

• 55:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. They, you know, that's, that's a nice way to get a natural reaction out of a girl.

• 55:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah. So one thing I found is like strange women love dick talk. Like if they don't know you, they want to talk about your dick.

• 55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 55:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's great. She looks like a really innocent, sweet.

• 55:31Tom Segura?

  She was really sweet. She was really sweet.

• 55:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. She was a barista.

• 55:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  So you showed her in the coffee house.

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  So everybody saw it, but I was like, I want your photo. So how about you get?

• 55:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  But look how happy she is when she saw your penis.

• 55:45Tom Segura?

  It's been working.

• 55:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's been working.

• 55:46Tom Segura?

  It's been working.

• 55:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. That's great, Tom. What a great method.

• 55:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah. So it's also a tip, if you're an amateur photographer like I am, there's a little tip that I learned. Offer up your genitals. People are like, oh wow, that's really cool. Yeah.

• 56:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think a lot of photographers, like that took photographs of models, I think they did that stuff, like in the seventies.

• 56:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I don't know if it was exactly as we're talking about, but yeah.

• 56:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think a lot of dudes showed their dicks in exchange for pics.

• 56:14Tom Segura?

  There was Sedona. You see these?

• 56:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, right. That's Sedona.

• 56:17Tom Segura?

  Keep going.

• 56:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that was really fun. That was a nice trip. That's where I talked to aliens.

• 56:21Tom Segura?

  Who's that?

• 56:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  There I am. There I am. Just talking to the river.

• 56:24Tom Segura?

  Talking to the river.

• 56:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  To the vortex, making fucking contact, dude.

• 56:27Tom Segura?

  Duckies.

• 56:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's up ducks?

• 56:29Tom Segura?

  Yep. John Flesiotto.

• 56:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's John. That was a fun trip.

• 56:33Tom Segura?

  Beautiful Sedona.

• 56:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that was pretty spiritual and shit.

• 56:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Beautiful. Nice shots, Tom. Thanks.

• 56:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're so pleased with yourself.

• 56:42Tom Segura?

  That, yeah, those were really nice.

• 56:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I'm working on now is, I mean, just tell me if you're open to it. I would love to draw you nude.

• 56:56Tom Segura?

  I would love that.

• 56:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Really?

• 56:57Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 56:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You would be down to pose?

• 56:59Tom Segura?

  I'll model for you, yeah, sure.

• 57:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that'd be great, cuz you're such an exquisite body and shape and your penis is, I mean, as you can tell, just brings so much joy to people. I would love to sketch it.

• 57:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I think first we should just do it in graphite, see how that goes.

• 57:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, yeah.

• 57:17Tom Segura?

  Do you wanna work off of a photo of me, or do you wanna just, or you want me to pose?

• 57:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pose. I want you to sit for me.

• 57:23Tom Segura?

  Sit for you.

• 57:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like in art school, you know, they usually pay homeless people fifty dollars.

• 57:28Tom Segura?

  I don't know that that's...

• 57:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  For class. It's true, in San Francisco. Shawna told me that when she was in art school, they'd pay like homeless people to sit.

• 57:35Tom Segura?

  Fifty.

• 57:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or like students, maybe, maybe not homeless.

• 57:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I don't know why they had to be homeless.

• 57:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't wanna be homeless! But I think that would be a fantastic way for homeless people to make money.

• 57:46Tom Segura?

  That's a gr-

• 57:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is to pose for art students.

• 57:48Tom Segura?

  Well, it's a great bit of advice.

• 57:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Practicing.

• 57:50Tom Segura?

  If you're out there and you're homeless, go to art school.

• 57:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go to an art school.

• 57:55Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 57:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're not gonna afford art school, you're homeless.

• 57:58Tom Segura?

  Knock, or if they don't hear you scream. Ah! And then when they're like, "What is it?", like, "I'm ready to pose."

• 58:06Tom Segura?

  See if you can get some-

• 58:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, stop it! I can't move my forehead.

• 58:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah!

• 58:12Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool, man.

• 58:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Supposed to keep it still.

• 58:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you imagine you have your homeless model?

• 58:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:23Tom Segura?

  Ah! And they're like, "This guy's really hard to draw." He keeps screaming.

• 58:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Milk tits, man of that, and he's got the Tourette's and shit.

• 58:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  And a sad, sad hater.

• 58:39Tom Segura?

  Like the Mip- that Mipsey, yeah, yep, yep.

• 58:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep, yep. Oh, boy.

• 58:45Tom Segura?

  He's fat, black. And they're like, "Okey dokey."

• 58:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Imagine how easy it would be. But they stay still for a long time. That's the good thing. They're used to staying still.

• 59:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you know, you know what I mean?

• 59:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like.

• 59:03Tom Segura?

  Are you holding your forehead up?

• 59:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't.

• 59:07Tom Segura?

  You think it's gonna collapse on you?

• 59:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm holding it still. I'm not holding it up. I'm holding it still.

• 59:10Tom Segura?

  Is the skin gonna fall down?

• 59:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the staples will pop out if I lift.

• 59:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I have to keep it stationary. I swear to God, my surgeon told me not to like, you're supposed to do a lot.

• 59:21Tom Segura?

  He was like, don't laugh?

• 59:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, you can laugh, but like, I'm not supposed to bend over. Or like, put blood flow to it.

• 59:27Tom Segura?

  That would be crazy right now if blood just started streaming down your face. We just saw blood trickling from all these open sutures.

• 59:40Tom Segura?

  And we're like, oh shit.

• 59:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god, ow. Because literally, there's, literally, there's staples in my fucking head.

• 59:48Tom Segura?

  Here you are.

• 59:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Google like, like eyebrow, eyebrow lift staples.

• 59:56Tom Segura?

  Oh Jesus Christ.

• 59:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I swear to god, it's so fucking gnarly. And he won't look at him and I keep wanting to show you what it looks like. I'm not even sure how the fuck they keep the staples in my skull. How, like, is it, it's just on the layer of skin? It's not into my skull? Like, how the fuck did that guy staple it? There's like, like a row of staples here and a row of staples here? And I have to put bacitrin on it or some shit?

• 1:00:20Tom Segura?

  Here, look at this.

• 1:00:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  That ain't it.

• 1:00:21Tom Segura?

  Look.

• 1:00:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's it. That's what it looks like.

• 1:00:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that, that is in my head right now.

• 1:00:26Tom Segura?

  Look at this one over here. Look at this.

• 1:00:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I don't trust you, fuck.

• 1:00:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's gonna puke, I know.

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  No, he's not.

• 1:00:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, he is.

• 1:00:33Tom Segura?

  No, he's, look, he's fine.

• 1:00:40Tom Segura?

  The double bird?

• 1:00:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  You fucker. You're such a fucking, you know that?

• 1:00:45Tom Segura?

  Hey.

• 1:00:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  You psycho. You know, you're crazier than me.

• 1:00:48Tom Segura?

  Hey.

• 1:00:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  For fucking sure, you're crazier than me. You show your wife that's got a metaphobia of barf shit.

• 1:00:53Tom Segura?

  Well, I didn't put it in here.

• 1:00:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm trying to explain my medical problems.

• 1:00:55Tom Segura?

  I didn't put it in here.

• 1:00:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, you did.

• 1:00:57Tom Segura?

  I did not.

• 1:00:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, you did.

• 1:00:58Tom Segura?

  I did not.

• 1:00:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You told Josh to put it in.

• 1:01:00Tom Segura?

  I may have. I don't remember.

• 1:01:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  How are they gonna take him out? Can you, can you, can, cause I'm so curious, cause it's gonna hurt, dude. How are they gonna rip staples out of my, out of my skull?

• 1:01:12Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:01:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, are they gonna use like a stapler remover?

• 1:01:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, the one from Office Depot, yeah.

• 1:01:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm serious.

• 1:01:19Tom Segura?

  They're gonna go to Staples and then they're just gonna rip it out, yeah.

• 1:01:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or Smart and Final.

• 1:01:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they're smart, but all sales are final.

• 1:01:26Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 1:01:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think they're gonna.

• 1:01:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I mean, it's, they're in there.

• 1:01:31Tom Segura?

  I don't know why you didn't let me do the surgery. I could have done it. I could have done it, dude.

• 1:01:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, you should see my surgeon's beautiful baby hands.

• 1:01:38Tom Segura?

  Oh, so soft.

• 1:01:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, he's got like lady hands, like they're like.

• 1:01:41Tom Segura?

  I've, I've shook hands with plastic surgeons and you're like, wow.

• 1:01:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Literally, his hands are like, like the tiny hands, like mine.

• 1:01:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, and softer.

• 1:01:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  And nicer. And he's like a regular sized dude.

• 1:01:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like I just, I saw like, yeah.

• 1:01:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I will do this incision here.

• 1:01:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, here's what happened. So first, I, I saw him two years, first of all, there was like a year waiting list to get to see this guy. He's like the best of Beverly Hills, right?

• 1:02:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I thought, I meet with him two years ago. And he goes, yeah, you've got a lot of skin up here. Do you sleep on the left side? I go, yeah. He goes, I can tell, cause that side is mashed. He's like, really simple lunch hour procedure. We're just gonna trim the skin off your eyelids and stitch them up. A week, take the stitches out, you're fine. And that is a nothing burger. The eyelids don't, that is nothing. Anyway, I haven't seen him in a couple of years, cause I had cancer. I was supposed to have it done, whatever. And I go see him like a week and a half ago and he goes, huh. Something's changed. And I was like, yeah, dude, I'm fucking older, fatter, uglier, of course, I'm rotting, I'm decaying. Like, what do you mean, something's changed?

• 1:02:45Tom Segura?

  It's been two years.

• 1:02:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then he's like, yeah, we're gonna, I, I wanna do a brow lift too. And he, and I was like, just please don't make me look like.

• 1:02:55Tom Segura?

  How's everybody doing?

• 1:02:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he goes, no, he's like, that's everybody's worst fear. I'll never, I won't do that. It's gonna be very moderate. And I was like, alright dude. Yeah.

• 1:03:05Tom Segura?

  And you're saying, what should I get done? You're saying I should do things?

• 1:03:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you need everything. You need to go the full, I need to, you know, in fucking Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible? Rip that whole face off and then stick it back on tighter.

• 1:03:17Tom Segura?

  Everything?

• 1:03:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, here's what you need to do. I would do a lower blephroplasty because your eye bags are pretty heavy.

• 1:03:24Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 1:03:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then maybe, I don't know, raise the brow a little bit. I don't know, because you're a man, though.

• 1:03:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm a guy.

• 1:03:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he does men.

• 1:03:31Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 1:03:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You should definitely blacken your beard. That'll make you look younger. If you make the beard and the eyebrows black, and then you have to get white veneers.

• 1:03:43Tom Segura?

  I pull it back like this.

• 1:03:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Big white teeth, that makes you look so young.

• 1:03:49Tom Segura?

  It's great to be in Philadelphia. How are you guys doing? Want to hear some jokes?

• 1:03:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's gonna be me. The get the veneers.

• 1:03:57Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:03:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm telling you, that looks so nice.

• 1:04:01Tom Segura?

  Sounds nice.

• 1:04:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  When you're old and you have solid white teeth.

• 1:04:04Tom Segura?

  Huge white teeth, it looks good. Yes. All right, uh, we're gonna take, uh, well, we're gonna wrap it up.

• 1:04:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:04:13Tom Segura?

  And we'll be back next week and hopefully with a whole new look.

• 1:04:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whole new look, dude.

• 1:04:17Tom Segura?

  Excited.

• 1:04:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  We'll see.

• 1:04:18Tom Segura?

  We'll see you guys in two and two.

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• 1:06:36Speaker 05

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• 1:06:40Speaker 02

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• 1:06:52Speaker 02

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