#118 - Amy Miller

Amy Miller joins the pod for a special LA edition of Stavvy’s World to discuss being the dirty kid with lice in school, a fun fact about Stav's beloved Baltimore Ravens, her stock going up, her parents' laissez-faire attitude in the household, and much more. Amy and Stav help callers including a man hiding his binge-eating habit from his wife, and a woman who’s sick of hearing her friends talk about how much they loved living in NYC. Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. Get the Beard & Balls Bundle for 20% OFF + Free International Shipping with code STAVVY at www. Manscaped.com ! #ManscapedPartner Eat smart with Factor. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/FACTORPODCAST and use code FACTORPODCAST to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com! https://www.booking.com/ Follow Amy Miller on social media: https://www.amymillercomedy.com/ https://www.facebook.com/amymillercomedy https://www.instagram.com/amymillercomedy http://www.twitter.com/amymiller https://www.youtube.com/user/amymillercomedy 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This podcast is supported by Nurtec ODT, Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtec. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtec can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtec is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtec ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain,

• 0:45Speaker 00

  or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTEC or visit Nurtec.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:02Speaker 01

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• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  Opah! Welcome, everybody, to Stav's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. As you can see, we've got a little travel episode here where our beautiful Los Angeles studio is at Bad Ladder. Shout out to the mysterious Mo. Eldis is actually here this time. What's up, everyone? I made him leave. He was gonna spend quality time with his wife. And I said, "No." Come to Los Angeles on a last-minute flight.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  I gotta go to L.A. for 30...

• 2:03Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta go for like 72 hours. You gotta go. We have to do podcasts. And it's last minute, and so you will have a middle seat in Delta. And it will probably be $700, so I can't put you in Comfort Plus, big guy, sorry.

• 2:18Speaker 04

  It's my job, babe.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  My seat coming here was 55E, so...

• 2:24Speaker 04

  That's good, that's high numbers good, right? Bigger.

• 2:28Stavros Halkias?

  It's bigger, yeah, we thought it was like in pant size. Like, oh, sorry, Elders, we tried to get you in the biggest size we could.

• 2:36Speaker 04

  Top size.

• 2:39Stavros Halkias?

  So, yes, don't freak out, don't have an autistic meltdown because it's not the background you're used to. We love the studio here, we put a little, some touches of home.

• 2:51Speaker 04

  Home country.

• 2:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of the home country. And this gives the opportunity to get some of our pals from Los Angeles on the show. Mix it up for you guys, because we're gonna go on tour. We wanna have, we wanna get, you know, little, little different flavors going in. Today, we have my buddy, Amy Miller. How's it going? Thanks for coming.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  Christos Anesti.

• 3:11Stavros Halkias?

  Christos Anesti, yeah, this will be the, this will be the Easter episode.

• 3:15Speaker 04

  I don't know when it's coming up.

• 3:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, maybe, actually, maybe, dude, who knows?

• 3:20Speaker 04

  I was jealous that you dressed for Thanksgiving with Caleb, and I wanted to come as like a sexy Santa. But then I was like, what if it comes out in January?

• 3:28Stavros Halkias?

  It is, well, it's not coming out, it is January, Amy. As you know, happy 2025, we just were all, having a great time at the famous Los Angeles ball drop ceremony. Do you guys have anything?

• 3:43Speaker 04

  We're going to the inauguration tomorrow. I'm pumped.

• 3:46Stavros Halkias?

  We're flying, that's why we had, we only had 72 hours for Elders to get here, we had to get to the inauguration ASAP.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  I got plans.

• 3:57Stavros Halkias?

  No, no terroristic threats to our, our great next leader. It'll just be nice to see such a vital power exchange from Joe Biden to Donald Trump.

• 4:08Speaker 04

  Strong handshake.

• 4:10Stavros Halkias?

  Strong, a strong handshake. I do hope Biden does something really fun at the inauguration, which is soon or has just happened.

• 4:21Speaker 04

  I hope they have some sand for him to walk on. That's my favorite.

• 4:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, good for him, man. He's gonna, he's, he's not gonna make it to, um, the motherfu-- who's the motherfucker that won't die?

• 4:34Speaker 04

  Strom Serment?

• 4:35Stavros Halkias?

  Jimmy Carter.

• 4:36Speaker 04

  No, he died.

• 4:37Stavros Halkias?

  No, he's dead. He's dead. His, uh, his, um, half-black love child came, came out to light while he was being racist as hell. He just fully was having sex with a black lady.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  I can't believe it.

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's so weird. That must be the only instance of that happening.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  Of someone fucking someone they hate.

• 4:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:58Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I guess, can we, should, I guess, should we get to your dating life? Does that, uh, is that, is that a perfect, is that a perfect segue?

• 5:05Speaker 04

  My dating life is going great.

• 5:07Stavros Halkias?

  No, now it is, right?

• 5:08Speaker 04

  I'm locked up, yeah.

• 5:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, that's, that's very cute. Have you, have you been, uh, what about before? Cause this very sweet guy met your, your current beau?

• 5:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, I've been in like a few long-term relationships.

• 5:21Stavros Halkias?

  Are you a long-term relationship gal?

• 5:22Speaker 04

  Hmm, I mean, I will for the right person, um, but in between, you know, I really get it in.

• 5:29Stavros Halkias?

  Let it fly.

• 5:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was realizing, um, I don't think I've ever told you this, but a special nugget for you during my, mm, mid 2000s?

• 5:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 5:40Speaker 04

  Holidays.

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  Mid 2000s, nice.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  I did make love with a Baltimore Raven.

• 5:46Stavros Halkias?

  Wow! You haven't seen this the first time I'm hearing this?

• 5:49Speaker 04

  I was saving it.

• 5:51Stavros Halkias?

  Are you taking me to save it on camera to see my actual delight and glee? That's, uh, we would've been, you don't understand how much closer we'd be right now?

• 5:59Speaker 04

  I'm surprised I never told you.

• 6:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, if you, if you had dropped that like, like hangout three or four, we, I'd be in your, I'd be the best, I'd be officiating your wedding. You know what I mean?

• 6:10Speaker 04

  We should be closer anyway.

• 6:11Stavros Halkias?

  We should. This helps a lot.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  I don't even, okay, I'm obviously not gonna say his name. I'll tell you after, but I don't need, I don't think he saw a lot of game time.

• 6:19Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  It was confirmed that he was a Raven at the time. He was a very nice man.

• 6:25Stavros Halkias?

  Mid 2000s, okay.

• 6:27Speaker 04

  And, uh, and then he- He hopped around a lot of teams, but I don't even know if you would know his name.

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  I, yeah, I can't, well, you know what, but while you had sex with him, he was on the roster.

• 6:39Speaker 04

  Yes, absolutely. Yeah. But he had an apartment in New York.

• 6:43Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, okay.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  Wonderful man. I mean, I survived a one night stand with an NFL player.

• 6:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's fun. Good for you.

• 6:52Speaker 04

  What a smart way to be loose in New York. Just like, no, what could go wrong? Just an NFL player.

• 6:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, just the sport where they have so much head trauma that one of the most famous running backs of the seventies murdered his wife. And by the way, you know, the NFL vaporized OJ Simpson's skull the second he died. You know, they had a guy throw a fucking grenade in that medical examiner's office? The fucking CTE he had in those like seventies aluminum helmets just banging his head back and forth.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  Took it out and put table salt on it and dissolved like a slug.

• 7:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 7:31Speaker 04

  So toast.

• 7:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man, yeah.

• 7:33Speaker 04

  This guy seemed very aware of like the possibility that a woman might be afraid of him. Like he was just so like, is this okay? You know, consent. It's new to the NFL, I guess.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  They had just gone over that in the mid two thousands with the NFL players. They're like, all right, from now on, boys, start asking.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  Just in case.

• 7:55Stavros Halkias?

  In case. All right. We used to only tell this to the starters, but now we'll even tell the bench players that you need to get consent.

• 8:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was whatever year in the mid two thousands, he would have had like a lot of rhinestones on his back pockets.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  You know, those like horseshoe pants that are sparkling.

• 8:14Stavros Halkias?

  Lucky, is it Lucky?

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Lucky seven? No. What? It's just Lucky, right?

• 8:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's one of them.

• 8:22Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. I don't know, but.

• 8:23Stavros Halkias?

  Something Buddha is, the Buddha is the. Trues? True religion.

• 8:26Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. A lot of rhinestones.

• 8:29Stavros Halkias?

  And I do believe there was, there's a brand that has Lucky somewhere in there, but yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:34Stavros Halkias?

  Tapout era shirts too, rhinestones on the shirts.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  He had almost like an affliction shirt.

• 8:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, affliction, top out, beautiful.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  With like a big cross.

• 8:42Stavros Halkias?

  And that was, for you, that was awesome.

• 8:44Speaker 04

  Loved it. Yeah. I mean, so sparkling.

• 8:48Stavros Halkias?

  It drew you in and then you saw the muscles.

• 8:50Speaker 04

  We watched Soul Plane.

• 8:52Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome. Little hint there. He won't say his name, but little, some breadcrumbs.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  Very astute.

• 9:03Speaker 04

  Now I just sound racist, but he also made like-

• 9:07Stavros Halkias?

  I have watched Soul Play with a girl I fuck. That is actually true.

• 9:10Speaker 04

  It's so funny.

• 9:11Stavros Halkias?

  It is a good, it's funny, it's a funny like, uh-

• 9:14Speaker 04

  I felt safe.

• 9:15Stavros Halkias?

  It's also a funny document to show people like who weren't, it's like, yeah, Kevin Hart, this is before he was famous. It's like a fun thing for people who don't know about it.

• 9:22Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 9:23Stavros Halkias?

  And it's, it's a fun movie.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 9:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's really a good time.

• 9:27Speaker 04

  He also made like a rum punch.

• 9:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, his own rum punch?

• 9:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 9:33Speaker 04

  It was nice. He was such a gentleman. Yeah, this is like pre Uber New York, so he like called me a town car, like-

• 9:40Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 9:40Speaker 04

  That's a classy move, cause I don't-

• 9:42Stavros Halkias?

  Moments after he busted.

• 9:43Speaker 04

  Wanna get on the train.

• 9:44Stavros Halkias?

  He was actually on the phone while having sex. No, I'm kidding.

• 9:47Speaker 04

  I slept for a little bit, yeah.

• 9:49Stavros Halkias?

  He was like, alright, we won't refill the health bar, but we'll get you halfway before we leave you. Slept for a little bit. This made me the funniest option.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  She needs some rest.

• 10:00Stavros Halkias?

  She needs some rest after taking, after taking this kind of affliction pounding. After taking this rhinestone jean pile driving. That's nice.

• 10:10Speaker 04

  I'm not even really like a, I don't like hook up with strangers. I don't judge, obviously, but it's not like my thing, but I don't know.

• 10:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, come on.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  Mid 2000s New York.

• 10:21Stavros Halkias?

  Mid 2000s NFL player.

• 10:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's fun.

• 10:23Speaker 04

  That's the worst choice you could make.

• 10:25Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. It's for the, for the, in terms of the bucket list, like, look back fondly-

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:31Stavros Halkias?

  On some dickings. That's a fun one to have there.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  It was really fun, yeah. He was really, he was really nice.

• 10:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. Nice guy, athlete. I don't know if there's like, I guess for, what's the equivalent for, I mean, guys, it's just literally hot, any hot woman, I don't really care what her profession is. But I would love to hook up with a professional athlete, but I don't think it's the same like-

• 10:51Speaker 04

  What sport?

• 10:52Stavros Halkias?

  I'm open sister. Honestly, I would love that. I would love that. I have no, I have no problem talking to a taller woman. I think it's fun.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  I know. This is what I love about you. You're not like basic in your choices.

• 11:05Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no. I think it's a mark of strength. And in fact, one of the things I, one of the pictures I admire most, or a couple, or like an image I admire most is a short man with a hot woman who's just towering over him. And he doesn't give, there's Joe Pesci with like his wife in the nineties and he's like truly up to her tits. And he's the man. He's, it's cool.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  How comfortable that feels though.

• 11:30Stavros Halkias?

  And that's the other thing. I don't get to really feel, uh, I don't really get to feel held. Even when, even when I've had girlfriends do the token, you know, little make me the little spoon there. I mean, their arms are not getting all the way around. These girls are not, if I get a girl with a real wingspan.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  Olympic shot putter.

• 11:49Stavros Halkias?

  Well, they're a little stocky. I need, yeah, I need length. You know what I mean? I need somebody to be able to get the whole stomach from behind. I've never had that. I've never had that feeling. I'm so open to all of these. You have no idea how much I would love to be.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  I feel like you could clean up.

• 12:03Stavros Halkias?

  Husband. That would be so sick.

• 12:06Speaker 04

  That would be so awesome.

• 12:08Stavros Halkias?

  I'm on fucking courtside.

• 12:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 12:09Stavros Halkias?

  Let's go baby. Come on. Fuck this bitch.

• 12:12Speaker 04

  Geared up. Just talking shit.

• 12:14Stavros Halkias?

  I love hoops. I love talking shit. It would be the dream come true. So, and it's like, all of them are taller than me. There's not a, well, I mean, I mean, maybe there's like a guard in the WNBA that's my height, but it's like, even guards are like five 10.

• 12:28Speaker 04

  Yeah. I love this idea.

• 12:30Stavros Halkias?

  So I'm open to it. And then, yeah, a Jack.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  I like that you like the spice of life. You know what I mean?

• 12:35Stavros Halkias?

  I'm all over it. Give me any, give me.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  I appreciated when you told me at an airport that you would buy stock in my pussy.

• 12:39Stavros Halkias?

  I did. Cause I, cause you're a great.

• 12:41Speaker 04

  That's so much to me.

• 12:43Stavros Halkias?

  Because you got a good, you, you're a great, you're a great hang. You know what I mean? And, and I just felt like, cause you met that, cause I remember you just met a random, your current, if we can divulge.

• 12:56Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I tell a joke about it. Yeah.

• 12:58Stavros Halkias?

  Your boyfriend was just a guy in a different city.

• 13:01Speaker 04

  In Nebraska.

• 13:01Stavros Halkias?

  In Nebraska that you on Tinder found. And this guy has pretty much uprooted his life.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:07Stavros Halkias?

  To be with you. And that's, if that's not worth buying stock in. This man left the cornfields. He left the quiet, the quiet of the Midwest to put up with a big city. If that's not a pussy worth buying, getting some dividends and I don't know what is. That's all I'm saying.

• 13:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, some long-term reasonable options.

• 13:28Stavros Halkias?

  Now, look, it's not, you're not gonna get rich overnight. It's not that kind of stock. But you're watering your portfolio, it's gonna pay over time, it's coming.

• 13:38Speaker 04

  He's also the best, like, I don't deserve him at all, but, you know, I appreciate that about you. And we were at Bob Hope's Burbank Airport in the middle of the day.

• 13:49Stavros Halkias?

  I was moments away.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  And you've never been close to my pussy.

• 13:51Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, let's put that, this is-

• 13:53Speaker 04

  For my boyfriend to know.

• 13:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, she's like, this is the one thing that could ruin it. We overcame long distance, we overcame me being a comedian, that's weird, but if he catches wind that I even suspect Bob fucked me, it's all over, he's headed back.

• 14:11Speaker 04

  After that Raven? You don't wanna go Raven's fan after a Raven.

• 14:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man, yep, yep. There, the, um, fuck, what was I just gonna say? I missed it, but there are some, definitely some, uh, I hope I haven't ruined any relationships. I hope that, I hope women out there know, if we fucked and your boyfriend mentions me, don't bring it up, nothing good is gonna come of it, he's not gonna be stoked, I'll tell you that much. It's not gonna be like, nice, although, maybe some.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  Fair catch.

• 14:46Stavros Halkias?

  Actually, I have, I have got, we won't even say it, but didn't you get a weird DM from some guy that was like, yo, tell Bob we're Eskimo brothers? I guess he DM'd me and I didn't see it, so he, he needed to tell someone.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  I think it was actually a voicemail.

• 15:01Stavros Halkias?

  Someone called into the show.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  Well, she just made me feel like, extra weird.

• 15:05Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's too close.

• 15:08Speaker 04

  Cause we're not supposed to say Eskimo anymore. Is that what upset you about it?

• 15:12Stavros Halkias?

  That was so sad, I was like, please, we're Inuit brothers.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  Was it like with his wife?

• 15:18Stavros Halkias?

  I don't, I have no information.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Oh man, I gotta hear this message.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  I remember hearing it and I was like, Stav, you wanted to hear it? He was like, no.

• 15:27Stavros Halkias?

  I don't need to know this information, man. I don't need to hear, I don't want to know the quality of his voice. I don't want to know what emotion. I want to keep that a mystery, man. I don't need to know more about that. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stavvy Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stavvy's World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out.

• 16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAV. Terms apply. Ah, November, what a month. The whole, everything you've been doing all year comes to roost. You're coming right into the holidays, it's getting cold. Why not have a little questionable, little treat in between lunch and dinner? Why not overstuff the calendar with fun, with family obligations, holiday parties? So much chaos going on. That's where AG1 earns its spot. Not when life is easy and you got time for a whole routine. Right now, when everything is full and something has to give.

• 16:56Stavros Halkias?

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• 17:37Speaker 05

  of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/stavi.

• 17:45Stavros Halkias?

  Um, interesting. You don't deserve from now. What do you think that's about, Amy? Why do you think you don't deserve a great guy? Cause I think you're a great person.

• 17:53Speaker 04

  Oh, thank you. I think so too. But it's, you know, but he stepped into a tricky life. Well, what's great is he, he, he doesn't care about standup comedy.

• 18:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's huge.

• 18:03Speaker 04

  That blew my mind. Yeah. Because I'm not, nobody knows who I am. I'm sure they'll tell me in the comments.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  When they say, who the fuck did Stavi have on?

• 18:16Speaker 04

  I'm Amy Miller. I'm a very good comedian.

• 18:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Amy's very funny.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's no reason for him to know who I was, but like, he just like, didn't follow standup. Like, he literally fell in love with like, my personality. So I'm like, what's wrong with this guy?

• 18:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. That's awesome that you were like, wow, of course it's gonna be my talent that brings this guy in.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  He must be a fan.

• 18:38Stavros Halkias?

  Of an art form that most people don't give a fuck about.

• 18:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's true.

• 18:42Stavros Halkias?

  Like even my career, it's like, if I didn't have podcasts, if it wasn't like, maybe I would be fucking, you know, headlining here and there, but it's like, you really have to get famous for other things.

• 18:53Speaker 04

  Yes. Tell me about it.

• 18:55Stavros Halkias?

  And then you just have to fucking, and then standup is like, like, standup is sort of like the rich child. And podcasting is like, it's parent, it's rich parents. And it's like, I, your standup career is essentially, you have to become your own nepo, baby. You have to put your standup forward and something else has to fucking pay the bills.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, I gotta make this money so my standup can get ahead.

• 19:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, fucking go do fucking shows.

• 19:19Speaker 04

  I'm so proud of it.

• 19:20Stavros Halkias?

  Well, but, but you guys didn't even meet. I could also see you thinking that if he saw you in person. Cause that's, at least for guys, that's also the only way I would get laid very early on is if like, someone saw a show and was like, excited, but it's like, just from the internet, it's funny for you to be like, yeah, I mean, he's gonna be blown away. When he fucking sees me, that's gonna be, doesn't care at all. That's what you need. Yeah, you, that's, that's, that's much better.

• 19:46Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, I don't think I'm like, not devoid of charm or whatever, but I don't know. I just, I was like shocked when I saw him in person off Tinder, like how hot he was. And then I was like, surely he's just gonna say, never mind.

• 20:05Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 20:06Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 20:07Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 20:08Speaker 04

  It's like, I, I, yeah. I have high self-esteem, but it's like, you know, dudes are also just like that.

• 20:14Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, they'll get out of there quick.

• 20:15Speaker 04

  They're like, I don't want to tell my buddies about this.

• 20:17Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  It's not happening.

• 20:19Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  You just fuck for each other, you know?

• 20:21Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course. It's like, if only I could be attracted to fucking a man, but I'm not. So I'm going to fuck women and use that as currency.

• 20:30Speaker 04

  That my dad wants to fuck as well.

• 20:33Stavros Halkias?

  So he thinks I'm cool. So him and his friends that I hate think I'm cool.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  But then, yeah, we did, yeah, then he didn't just want to bang. He, yeah, he uprooted his whole life.

• 20:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  His dog, our dog.

• 20:45Stavros Halkias?

  Your dog, now your dog as well.

• 20:47Speaker 04

  Of course, yeah, I feel like I met my dog, you know what I mean? Like, I was just waiting for her my whole life.

• 20:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, step, step mom to a dog.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, she gets a lot of treats.

• 20:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. I love that. What was the, um, are we talking, uh, Bad Dad? You know, what's the?

• 21:06Speaker 04

  What happened to me?

• 21:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what's the idea here about not believing, again, that you can have a good fam? Or like, not expecting it or thinking like, what's the fam looking like? Cause you grew up in, you didn't grow up in Portland, right? You just moved there?

• 21:18Speaker 04

  I grew up in the Bay area.

• 21:19Stavros Halkias?

  You grew up in the Bay, okay. Cause when we met, you were living in Portland, I want to say?

• 21:22Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, I lived in Portland for three years. I did comedy up there, but I started in the Bay. I'm from Oakland.

• 21:29Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, nice.

• 21:30Speaker 04

  And, uh, yeah, I don't, well, my dad died when I was young. There we go, ding ding ding.

• 21:37Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 21:38Speaker 04

  You don't know this story? Okay.

• 21:40Stavros Halkias?

  I really don't.

• 21:41Speaker 04

  Dad dad died when I was nine, and then when I was 30, I found out he wasn't my real dad.

• 21:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  Was dead as well.

• 21:50Stavros Halkias?

  Double dead dad? You didn't even get to fucking?

• 21:53Speaker 04

  No. He died when I was twenty. Yeah, my mom was gonna-

• 21:58Stavros Halkias?

  So you did have eleven years there where maybe you could have done something.

• 22:01Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, she was gonna take that secret to her grave, but she got found out.

• 22:05Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking Ancestral.com.

• 22:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then I started stand up like three months later after all this happened.

• 22:11Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit.

• 22:12Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, I don't, and then I have an older brother who's, you know, he's an older brother.

• 22:17Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 22:18Speaker 04

  Um, so I love him very much, but he's like, I guess, my father figure.

• 22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 22:24Speaker 04

  Which nobody asks for or wants.

• 22:26Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 22:27Speaker 04

  You're an older brother.

• 22:28Stavros Halkias?

  I am.

• 22:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it sucks, right?

• 22:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:30Speaker 04

  It's just like, why do I have to take care of these idiots?

• 22:32Stavros Halkias?

  I did, I do sort of have to be the father of my family in a fucked up way.

• 22:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:38Stavros Halkias?

  My father's alive, by the way.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:40Stavros Halkias?

  He's just not good at being the head of households.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, when they live, they don't get much better, that's the thing.

• 22:46Stavros Halkias?

  Can I be honest? Uh, you know, I think you're kind of got a nice, dead dad, not that bad.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:52Stavros Halkias?

  Kind of nice, because you can-

• 22:54Speaker 04

  Dead mom sucks.

• 22:55Stavros Halkias?

  Dead mom brutal, dead mom brutal for sure.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  You need a mom, yeah.

• 22:58Stavros Halkias?

  Dead dad's great, because it's like, it's the perfect idea of this guy. But everyone who loves their dead dad that died when they were a child, it's like, he's like James Dean. James Dean would have grown up, he would have balled, he would have gotten bald, he would have gotten fat, he would have made a bunch of bad movies.

• 23:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:13Stavros Halkias?

  But he's burned into your, in your mind's eyes like this perf, like he's like America's heartthrob teen, whatever. You're, you just remember him coming home with a Nintendo. You know, remember him fucking getting caught cheating when he found out fa- He, you only get, when Facebook came out, he fucking di, you know, he messages his high school girlfriend, that never happens to you, you know what I mean?

• 23:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, he would have probably gotten some cheating revenge on my mom eventually if she, because he knew I wasn't his kid, obviously. So he was like raising not his kid.

• 23:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God, so it's even juic, I thought it was like a-

• 23:46Speaker 04

  Which is cool, like, you don't meet a lot of like, women, like, mothers of three that like-

• 23:52Stavros Halkias?

  I love that too, yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Cheat a lot.

• 23:54Stavros Halkias?

  Just has one, yeah.

• 23:54Speaker 04

  And then have a whole child.

• 23:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, just keep up, mixes the kid in.

• 23:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's just like-

• 24:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, he was not like the, uh, the greatest man, but I have more empathy for him now that we have all this information.

• 24:08Stavros Halkias?

  Lot of info coming out.

• 24:08Speaker 04

  About his whoring wife. Love you mom.

• 24:13Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it is funny when you get old enough and you're like, my parents truly were just people.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  I know.

• 24:20Stavros Halkias?

  And that, it sucks, but it's also freeing to be like, of course, they're just fucking idiots.

• 24:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, but if that dad was still alive, he'd be for sure a psycho at this point. Something, yeah, I don't think I would want to talk to him. So it's kind of nice. Plus, when your dad dies and you're nine, like you get like so much attention.

• 24:39Stavros Halkias?

  The presents must have been out of control.

• 24:42Speaker 04

  The food, you know, church ladies are bringing over casseroles.

• 24:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  And you just feel like you deserve it.

• 24:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, when does the?

• 24:48Speaker 04

  A buffet at home for fat kids.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, must have been honestly a dream.

• 24:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I wish another parent would die.

• 24:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, again, I don't want to wish, yeah, I don't want to wish my father dead.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  No, no, of course not, of course not.

• 25:02Stavros Halkias?

  However, in an alternate universe where Greek ladies were coming through with food. Every, they're pinching my cheeks, feeling sorry for me.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:11Stavros Halkias?

  If it happens when you're maybe even a little older, maybe let's say 12, if you're, if you hold, if the halo lasts like three years, you get to 15, maybe you even get some sympathy pussy out of it.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  Oh, absolutely.

• 25:23Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, I could have seen how that would have positively impacted my life. Again, glad my dad's alive. We hung out for the first time during the holidays in a while. We're, we're good now, but them casseroles sound pretty good, Amy.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  And they were. Yeah, white Baptist women. Wow, the food.

• 25:44Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. White Baptist in Oakland. That's an interesting, that's an interesting type of person to be.

• 25:50Speaker 04

  That's what I was.

• 25:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  No, it's weird for sure. Um, yeah, it got me out of class. Like, that was fun. And then it just put this kind of like dark, like if you're a little kid, like nobody wants to hang out with the kid who already has a dead parent because that's like so weird. That's like you're from a Disney movie.

• 26:07Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 26:08Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Like, I just like had a, like a creepy air about me at that point.

• 26:12Stavros Halkias?

  You were like, you were cursed, you were haunted.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:15Stavros Halkias?

  But I could, I would imagine you were like a bubbly kid, or were you not?

• 26:18Speaker 04

  Uh, no, I was pretty quiet and fearful and anxious. Interesting.

• 26:21Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 26:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, I had a lot of cool tics.

• 26:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 26:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, other kids love that.

• 26:27Stavros Halkias?

  So you were fucking, you were glitching out, you had a dead dad.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  All the time. I also just was like the kid that accidentally told other children like Santa wasn't real. So I was just like, your parents can die too and there's no Santa.

• 26:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's like, hmm, my dad died and then Santa stopped coming around. You put two and two together.

• 26:49Speaker 04

  It was just scary for other children.

• 26:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that is true. We don't talk about how much just being a bummer. Cause kids are just so basic. They're just like, if you're ni- if you like, look nice, if you have a treat, if you're fun, they're around. And then it's like, hmm, I don't like this. I'm going away. They'll just do that to you.

• 27:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:08Stavros Halkias?

  And it would be the littlest shit. I'm trying to say, I mean, we had a kid who did have a parent die. And I remember thinking, before the end of the year, it's like, alright, he's milking it a little bit.

• 27:20Speaker 04

  That was me.

• 27:21Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I remember being like, cause I remember, I remember we had frie- like, I was kind of friends with him. And then all the dickhead kids who were kind of bullies to him, they were like over the top nice and the same shit, what you're describing, presents, whatever. Let's all make this guy feel good. And I remember being like, this guy fucking abandoned me and the other guys to be with the fucking.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:42Stavros Halkias?

  Not even popular, cause it was like fourth grade. So it wasn't like it was that clicky. It was just like he switched over. He switched up on us and he was like.

• 27:49Speaker 04

  I'm cool now.

• 27:50Stavros Halkias?

  He tried, he literally tried to turn cool. And I remember being like, alright, I mean, I feel bad, but.

• 27:55Speaker 04

  Smoking cigarettes.

• 27:56Stavros Halkias?

  He's kind of over. Do you remember this, Aldous? Or were you gone by that time?

• 27:59Speaker 03

  I think I was gone, but I think I know who you're talking about.

• 28:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. He's probably like, life is too short, man. I can't hang out with this fat fuck anymore. I'm hanging out with the fat kid. I'm hanging out with the sexy kids that are good at soccer. I'm like, okay, whatever, man. Fuck you.

• 28:13Speaker 04

  And my family was already kind of like, had this mythological status in the neighborhood. Cause we just had, we were like the big white trash house on the corner.

• 28:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 28:23Speaker 04

  With like, you know, a visible, like my dad tried to build a houseboat himself, like shit like that.

• 28:29Stavros Halkias?

  Just a half-finished house that was not.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  That my brother's living in. Oh, no, it could not get out on the water. And then there's like a broken down fishing boat like right next to it.

• 28:42Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 28:42Speaker 04

  And you know, just constantly like fights and screaming and parties and all this stuff.

• 28:46Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  It was already like, oh, those are like the Miller Girls.

• 28:50Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see. Oh, wow.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  And then all of a sudden we have a dead parent and it's like.

• 28:54Stavros Halkias?

  Shoeless with overalls on, you know what I mean?

• 28:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:58Stavros Halkias?

  A little thing of hay in your teeth.

• 28:59Speaker 04

  Definitely always smelled like cigarettes. Like, I can't imagine, cause my mom would smoke in the car with the windows up.

• 29:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  And so then I'm like, yeah, just would go through periods of having full lice and pretending like I didn't.

• 29:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  You smell like smoke.

• 29:18Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see. Oh, yeah. No, that's brutal.

• 29:19Speaker 04

  I'm wearing like my older brother's clothes and then, you know, and then I do, yeah, and kids are just like, that's a bug on you. I'm like, no, it's not.

• 29:26Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's not.

• 29:27Speaker 04

  Definitely not coming from my head.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  The fuck?

• 29:32Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, so you must've been.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  And I'm like, there's no Santa, bitch. Get off me.

• 29:37Stavros Halkias?

  So you were patient zero for many lice outbreaks probably at school. Cause remember that was another thing they made us do constantly at our school was like, I feel like once every.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  Comb through your hair.

• 29:45Stavros Halkias?

  Every six months, there'd be like, the nurse would comb through and find some lice.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, it was the worst because it's like if you had, if you had any, you'd leave, you'd leave class and get like combed out or whatever. And then you had to collect your things and leave. So all the other kids know.

• 30:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:03Speaker 04

  And then I remember.

• 30:04Stavros Halkias?

  The first walk of shame of your life.

• 30:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, in third grade, being like, I don't have it. They just said I have to go home anyway. And they're like, you're giving me a short day.

• 30:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Just cause my head was so free of lice.

• 30:18Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, well, this is the cleanest head we've ever seen. You deserve an ice cream party. You guys can't come. It's just gonna be me.

• 30:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  I mean, this made my head itch. I don't have it right now.

• 30:31Stavros Halkias?

  The psychosomatic thing of.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's the worst.

• 30:33Stavros Halkias?

  My parents just straight shaved our heads when we got lice. They were like, we're not dealing with this.

• 30:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  Which you can kinda do with boys, I guess.

• 30:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that would have been pretty brutal at school.

• 30:44Stavros Halkias?

  You couldn't throw Shane's head onto what you were already dealing with.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  I mean, I would imagine there were probably some kids at school that just thought we straight up killed our own dad.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  Just three little chubby girls, like, we got him.

• 31:01Stavros Halkias?

  Well, so you had an older brother and then two other sisters?

• 31:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, and my brother is like, yeah, was doing his best to raise us.

• 31:10Stavros Halkias?

  So how much older are we talking?

• 31:11Speaker 04

  As a teenage drug addict.

• 31:13Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Well, he's like in punk bands and stuff, so like, he was doing that whole thing. He's 10 years older than me.

• 31:18Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, nice.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's still in punk, he's still in his punk band.

• 31:23Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 31:23Speaker 04

  Um, but that was like, yeah, so I was a Christian kid, but then...

• 31:27Stavros Halkias?

  So he would go dumpster diving and bring you day-old Panera croissants that they threw away?

• 31:33Speaker 04

  Yes. Wait, how do you know this?

• 31:35Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, for real?

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Oh, you've met punks?

• 31:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I just know punks.

• 31:39Speaker 04

  Big bag of bagels.

• 31:40Stavros Halkias?

  And my brothers used to work at Panera Bread, so I know who would beg them for the trash bread.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  I have punk friends who had, one of them worked at Panera, they always brought shit to their house at college.

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, that was a classic punk kid thing to do. You just have like three day-old crusty-ass croissants, like, hey, not so bad. That's where, that's where punks and fat people cross. That's, that's, that's where, that's the Venn diagram in the middle, is eating old-ass pastries that other people would have put in the trash.

• 32:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, you don't even have to work at Panera to go through their trash.

• 32:09Stavros Halkias?

  You really don't. They did start cracking down towards the end, but...

• 32:12Speaker 04

  They're locking the dumpsters behind the bagel shops.

• 32:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's legitimately so fucked up.

• 32:17Speaker 04

  I know.

• 32:18Stavros Halkias?

  You were just letting it rot? That's fucking crazy.

• 32:22Speaker 04

  But it's like, my early memories of him are like, watching Pee-wee's Playhouse when I had just gotten up, because I was a child and he was just getting home, like, from Gilman and shit.

• 32:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:33Speaker 04

  Very special memories.

• 32:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's cute.

• 32:35Speaker 04

  But, yeah, but like, he didn't, he had to tell me my dad died. That's also fucked up when you picture like a 19-year-old boy.

• 32:43Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  Like, that's just too much.

• 32:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, just your little sister.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  He was probably drunk still.

• 32:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for sure, for sure. Mom couldn't handle that, I guess?

• 32:51Speaker 04

  She was somewhere that we didn't know.

• 32:56Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, what the fuck? So it's really Lord of the Flies in your household?

• 33:00Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, absolutely, yeah, yeah.

• 33:02Stavros Halkias?

  So did you have other, I know you were ostracized for being white trash, but were there other trash kids that came over since it was like a no man's land in your house?

• 33:10Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:11Stavros Halkias?

  Was it that house?

• 33:11Speaker 04

  My siblings had a bunch of friends and they would always have people over. Yeah, it became like the, the like, place to hang out, watch porn as children, whatever, just like, no rules.

• 33:25Speaker 04

  That's how I found out what sex was and I was like a little Christian kid. It's from my brother's porn. And.

• 33:31Stavros Halkias?

  What kind of collection? Does he have videotapes, DVDs?

• 33:34Speaker 04

  Well, this is the thing, like, all he had was black porn.

• 33:38Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. It's Oakland?

• 33:40Speaker 04

  That, yeah.

• 33:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? The market dictates.

• 33:44Speaker 04

  It's what the market dictates. And I found it in his closet. I didn't know intercourse was. I knew like, you know, some people have penis, some people have vagina. I didn't know they interacted in that way. And it was all black porn, so I thought that only black people had sex.

• 34:03Speaker 04

  For like several years.

• 34:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  So many of my friends at school were black that I was just like, I know what you do.

• 34:11Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you guys are up to.

• 34:13Speaker 04

  And it's cool.

• 34:15Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta say, pretty jealous.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  Wanna study together?

• 34:21Speaker 03

  I love believing that, but knowing Santa's not real.

• 34:26Speaker 04

  It was a confusing time.

• 34:28Stavros Halkias?

  I have a couple of hard truths for my other white. You white kids are not gonna wanna hear this. Santa's not real and we'd never get to fuck.

• 34:39Speaker 04

  And your parents can die.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, that's fucking wild, dude.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, there was just like no rules and whatever. But I didn't have that many friends for a long time. I was like a cousin hangout, you know what I mean? It's like, go to your cousins.

• 34:55Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 34:56Speaker 04

  Cause you don't have any friends at school.

• 34:57Stavros Halkias?

  You were the hanger-on that nobody was like, it was like, yeah, it's my cousin's here.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  My cousin was like, cool, you know, like she was like, she like had boyfriends already and she was like wearing like jerseys.

• 35:08Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, I remember, hey, I remember that. No, that was cool. That was cool when we were growing up.

• 35:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, like the early nineties girl with like different colored, like rubber bands on her braces. And then like a jersey to match with like leggings. Like she was like, she had the first DVD player I ever saw, first CD player, like she got everything.

• 35:28Stavros Halkias?

  What were you playing? Do you remember the first movie you watched on that DVD player?

• 35:31Speaker 04

  No, I don't. That's a good question.

• 35:34Stavros Halkias?

  I don't either. I don't either. I don't. But it just would have been not, you know, fun. I don't remember the first DVD I watched.

• 35:38Speaker 04

  It's probably like a Christmas movie or something, but.

• 35:40Stavros Halkias?

  I remember a lot of VHSs, but I don't remember when DVDs took over. I remember the Godfather one because it was so big. I remember Titanic, same thing, the double tapes.

• 35:48Speaker 04

  Like that gold one?

• 35:49Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:50Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. We had a lot of double tape, double tape VHSs on like musicals and stuff. Like Sound of Music, I'm obsessed with, but I didn't, we would watch the first tape. That's fun. So I didn't know about the Nazis for like so long.

• 36:05Stavros Halkias?

  Like, whoa, this is such a fun musical. Everyone's just in the Alps having a good time.

• 36:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, this kid Rolf seems all right. He's handsome, well dressed.

• 36:17Speaker 01

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• 37:06Speaker 01

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• 37:11Stavros Halkias?

  So how long have the, this is so interesting, the being like, like who? Because I never in my mind could like, put together religious with like, the Lord of the Flies upbringing you're discussing. The like, it's usually, you're usually so supervised when you're religious, like, how did, was this, how long did it last? And how did you get into, did you have like grandparents and parents that made you go up when you were really little?

• 37:33Speaker 04

  No, my parents, grandparents didn't go at all, like totally like non-religious family. Although now my mom's getting into it because she's.

• 37:40Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 37:40Speaker 04

  Love the fear of mortality.

• 37:42Stavros Halkias?

  She sees her death coming along. She has the laundry list of sins.

• 37:46Speaker 04

  And her Christian president, Donald J. Trump, you know?

• 37:50Stavros Halkias?

  Your mom was just out and about, probably sucking and fucking when your dad died. It's like, you know what? It's time for morals. Now that I've had my fun, no one else gets to have it.

• 38:00Speaker 04

  We couldn't find her till like, maybe like 10 in the morning or something. Like, no idea. I was at a slumber party. It was like a whole thing. I didn't want to go to parties for a long time after that, because like, the one that I got invited to, like, my fucking dad died while I was there.

• 38:13Stavros Halkias?

  You're just dirty as... You're Linus, basically. Begging for an invite to a party.

• 38:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 38:19Stavros Halkias?

  And the first time you get one, your fucking dad dies?

• 38:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's brutal. You're like, it's my fault.

• 38:24Speaker 04

  He dropped me off.

• 38:25Stavros Halkias?

  Nooo, dude!

• 38:27Speaker 04

  But then my aunt picked me up, so I was like, where's dad?

• 38:30Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, what's going on?

• 38:31Speaker 04

  And they were like, we'll let this 18-year-old boy tell you what's going on.

• 38:35Stavros Halkias?

  Nah, listen. We did rock, paper, scissors. I got to pick you up. I didn't get tell you, okay? As soon as your brother gets out of his heroin nap, or whatever, I'm just guessing, uh, he'll tell you your dad died.

• 38:50Speaker 04

  Black tar heroin.

• 38:51Stavros Halkias?

  Black tar, nice, okay, yep, yep.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  Well, that is like, the perfect environment for, you know, in the mid 80s, it was like, very common to just like, have a church van and send it around.

• 39:01Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  And be like, we'll take your kids, who clearly need structure and Jesus. And then, you know, my dad's like, well, football's on Sunday morning, so this is perfect timing for me.

• 39:14Stavros Halkias?

  So it was just, yeah.

• 39:15Speaker 04

  We literally got in a van with like, a strange man.

• 39:18Stavros Halkias?

  And didn't get molested?

• 39:20Speaker 04

  No, we shockingly did not. Our youth pastor did end up being a huge molester.

• 39:25Stavros Halkias?

  The lice. The lice might have saved you.

• 39:30Stavros Halkias?

  The same reason you didn't have friends.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  That's so beautiful. Oh, they were protective critters.

• 39:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you thought they were enemies. They were your little guardian angels.

• 39:39Speaker 04

  Oh my god, I'm gonna start weeping.

• 39:42Stavros Halkias?

  You started trying to get that life shampoo banned? You're like, there might be little dirty kids that need these.

• 39:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, like-

• 39:49Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, so the guy was a molester?

• 39:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, and my sister and I spent a lot of time alone with this man. And then, but nothing happened to us. Again, yeah, I mean, you're probably right, the smell alone-

• 40:01Stavros Halkias?

  I think being dirty and having lives literally stopped you from getting molested.

• 40:05Speaker 04

  But like, a bunch, because that one, one day, he just like disappeared, of course. Like, he was just like, Pastor Jeff doesn't work here anymore. You know, and then it was years later, we found out, he like, yes, had sadly touched all these people.

• 40:18Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  It's so fucked, but yeah, I don't, nothing happened to us-

• 40:21Stavros Halkias?

  But at the time, it was a pleasant place for you. It probably wasn't chaotic.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, there were like-

• 40:26Stavros Halkias?

  There was probably a ham sandwich, or maybe, you know, some kind of sandwich.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  Good snacks, Nella wafers and Kool-Aid, you know?

• 40:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  And just like adults that took an interest in us. So, me and my one sister like kept with it for a long time. Like, I almost went to Bible college, but then I went to Berkeley.

• 40:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 40:43Speaker 04

  Those were my two.

• 40:44Stavros Halkias?

  Those were your two options?

• 40:45Speaker 04

  I was like, I will go to Bible college in Oklahoma. Yeah.

• 40:48Stavros Halkias?

  Of the like, dangerous, thundering, evil place and the good place?

• 40:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, and she went to Bible college.

• 40:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow. So, you get to see what your life would have been like?

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, kinda, I mean, she's pretty out of it now. She's still like religious-ish, but not like in that crazy way.

• 41:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  You know, because we got a gay sister and all this stuff.

• 41:06Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 41:07Speaker 04

  Once you get to the homophobia, it's so corny, you're just like, grow up, guys.

• 41:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's hard, yeah, I know. They lose a lot of motherfuckers with that, but I mean, they gain a lot more, I suppose. I guess numbers-wise, if they're playing just numbers, they're probably, it's the right-

• 41:20Speaker 04

  It's just like embarrassing.

• 41:20Stavros Halkias?

  It is so sad, it's like, you care, you care this much, what, how other people bust.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:26Stavros Halkias?

  That matters to you that much.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:28Stavros Halkias?

  And I don't want to hear the groomer shit, we, it's always, it's way more straight religious people. There's way more straight religious pedophiles than gay ones.

• 41:36Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, and my-

• 41:37Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's not necessarily true. But they're all religious, is my point, not-

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Every single one.

• 41:43Stavros Halkias?

  Not other guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's way more religion.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  Orthodox mostly.

• 41:46Stavros Halkias?

  Not we? I've talked about this at length. We let our priests get married. That's how you make sure they don't. Yeah, cuz it's like, cuz the only way you don't, the ones who aren't allowed to get married are the ones who like rise through the ranks.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:01Stavros Halkias?

  The ones that are like, you know, married to the church, I guess. And they're such like, fuck it, they're trying to become the like, we have a pope we call the Archbishop. They're like career minded.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 42:12Stavros Halkias?

  So they don't have time for molesting.

• 42:14Speaker 04

  Right.

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  And the ones at their home parish, they're fucking their wives.

• 42:17Speaker 04

  It's time consuming.

• 42:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:18Speaker 04

  Is what you're saying.

• 42:19Stavros Halkias?

  That's way. That's what they're.

• 42:21Speaker 04

  Kids are quick.

• 42:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's the thing about these Catholic molesters. They don't fucking really love the church. You should be praying. You should be trying to get, rise up through the ranks. But yeah.

• 42:31Speaker 04

  Well, this is how fucked up and conservative that church was is that when all this shit came out about the molester youth pastor, um, you know, we'd had another friend from church we grew up with who had since come out of the closet and changed his name and all this stuff. And they were like, you know, oh yeah, it's really sad about Pastor Jeff, the devil got to him, you know, cuz Satan makes you molest.

• 42:57Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 42:58Speaker 04

  If you're weak, you know? We all have moments of weakness.

• 43:01Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course. Thank God.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  Where we consider molestation.

• 43:03Stavros Halkias?

  If only the devil, thank God the devil hasn't chosen me.

• 43:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, and they had so much empathy for him, the molester. And then, I won't say the other guy's name, but let's say it's John. Like, they were like, at least he didn't end up like John.

• 43:15Stavros Halkias?

  At least?

• 43:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:16Stavros Halkias?

  Just a gay person?

• 43:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, just a gay guy. A regular gay guy.

• 43:21Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that's why we're so fucked.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  But also Jeff was molesting boys as well. And I was like, what's getting in that?

• 43:25Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, he was doubling up?

• 43:27Speaker 04

  But that doesn't count.

• 43:29Stavros Halkias?

  That doesn't count cuz that's the devil. But being, but having, you know, going and getting like oolong tea in the morning with your fucking husband.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  Your rescue Jawa.

• 43:39Stavros Halkias?

  Your rescue Jawa. That's Satan. Fucking children while you're a fucking pastor. Hey, look, we all make mistakes.

• 43:48Speaker 04

  Transforming neighborhoods with your flower shops.

• 43:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's bad. That's fucking bad. Buying jade earrings.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, they were sick and these people, you know, they were doing it in the middle of the East Bay. So it's like you really have to commit to being like a fundamentalist Christian there.

• 44:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  Cause you're surrounded.

• 44:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:07Speaker 04

  By queers.

• 44:07Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. It's very gay over there. That's why it was shocking to me to hear about that. But hey, I guess that's you have to be that fucking.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  I was, yeah, for sure. Looking for some, something, some structure, something at all.

• 44:20Stavros Halkias?

  So what happens through Berkeley, like the?

• 44:23Speaker 04

  That's where it started to fade.

• 44:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:26Speaker 04

  You know, I tried it for a while. I was going to, there's this park called People's Park that's since been demolished. Cause a lot of unhoused people live there and they don't want that.

• 44:35Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  But this has been happening like since the 60s. Like people have just lived in this park. It's pretty chill.

• 44:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  Whatever. I mean, yeah, like people are doing drugs sometimes, but it's not like a violent place. It's just like, I don't know, but it's in the middle of Berkeley, right by campus. But I used to go there with hot chocolate and try to save people. Like my first two years.

• 44:53Stavros Halkias?

  Spread the word.

• 44:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:54Stavros Halkias?

  You were still trying that type of stuff. Interesting.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  But then like, you know, it had been, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend.

• 45:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you were, you weren't?

• 45:03Speaker 04

  We were doing other stuff.

• 45:04Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 45:06Speaker 04

  Christian sex.

• 45:06Stavros Halkias?

  Which God is like, that's all good.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:09Stavros Halkias?

  Get your face fucked.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  He's real concerned with the whole stuff.

• 45:13Stavros Halkias?

  But once the pussy gets in the mix.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Suffocating in between your thighs after school. While you're watching Dawson's Creek DVDs. That's fine.

• 45:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. That is so, that is ultimately what probably gets so many people's being, is having sex. Then being like, wait, this was a big deal?

• 45:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yes. Cause I wasn't, it was like, he had been my boyfriend since high school. Like I was like, this doesn't feel like sinful.

• 45:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  I've made this teenage boy.

• 45:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, wow.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  Wait like three years, you know?

• 45:44Stavros Halkias?

  Crazy, yeah.

• 45:44Speaker 04

  And he was very supportive and nice about it, but I was just like, this seems fucking dumb. And then, yeah, the homophobia, corny.

• 45:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 45:51Speaker 04

  So many things. Um, I got an education.

• 45:54Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 45:55Speaker 04

  That tends to help.

• 45:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  With religion.

• 45:58Stavros Halkias?

  Started showering. You started being able to afford food without the church giving it to you. And you were like, hey, I have a full stomach and I've read a few books.

• 46:06Speaker 04

  Started working at the video store, Vidiot, you know, just studying cinema.

• 46:11Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  Watch a few French films and God, seems silly.

• 46:16Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course. That's so fucking funny. And then you were, so then what do you, because it's, it sounds like if I'm putting the chronology together, you don't, you don't start stand up till you're 30 or like.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, almost 31.

• 46:29Stavros Halkias?

  What's the mid, what's, what's, what's the like, what's the twenties look like? What are you doing in that zone?

• 46:35Speaker 04

  Working in, uh, first nonprofit and then working in music and working in tech.

• 46:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow. Okay.

• 46:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, like that. Yeah. The, the mid 2000s kind of tech, San Francisco, fucking.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  Embarrassing situation, just throwing parties.

• 46:52Stavros Halkias?

  Although Groupon was Chicago, I think. But like, yeah, the mid 2000s, I remember, I remember when everyone.

• 46:57Speaker 04

  People were trying to be Yelp elite.

• 46:58Stavros Halkias?

  Everybody's trying to get on Yelp.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  Yelp parties?

• 47:01Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone's trying to get on, everyone's trying to be the mayor of some shitty bar on Foursquare. I do remember that. Tinder was brand new. You fucking kids don't know nothing about it.

• 47:11Speaker 04

  This is true. I was one of the first Yelp users because my very good high school friend was like the first and lead engineer at Yelp. Doing very well for himself.

• 47:20Stavros Halkias?

  Good for him.

• 47:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Uh, he's the best, but I remember he was just like, I was waiting tables at the time. So he was like, can you like write some reviews on this website that's for people to review?

• 47:30Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  Restaurants and shit. And I'm like, this seems like the worst fucking idea I've ever heard. People are gonna be mean. Yeah.

• 47:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  And so all my early reviews are so embarrassing. You know, they're just like beauty bar or whatever. Like it's great to dance there. Dance the night away at beauty bar, five stars.

• 47:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  So I deleted my account. Like someone very high up at Yelp was like, hey, you can't, if you delete your account, like all these first reviews go away for all these like pretty major bits. And I was like, I don't give a fuck.

• 48:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, who cares?

• 48:03Speaker 04

  This is horrible.

• 48:05Stavros Halkias?

  Well, can I have, um, 1% of the company? You're like, okay, I won't, I won't delete them. Give me $500,000.

• 48:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, on a platform that is just for people to insult me while I'm waiting tables. I used to love getting bad reviews that I knew were about me though. I'll tell people my name.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  Amy, no, Amy.

• 48:26Stavros Halkias?

  You should have given them a fake name when you were being a bitch to just track it. When you thought you were being nice versus when you were being a bitch. That would have been fun to see like, how do people perceive me?

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, I mean, the bitchiness was relative. The worst Yelp review I ever got is because there was like six college kids that had like a $25 bill and they wanted to split it on six cards. And I go, you know what? I'll take care of it. I go, no charge, leave whatever. I'm just not doing this. I'm not running six cards through this E O S, you know? And they gave me one star Yelp review and said Amy was very rude. And I'm like, I literally comped their mail.

• 49:04Stavros Halkias?

  It sounds like San Francisco to me. Sounds like some fucking shitty, rich college kids. Well, that's fascinating. And you clearly have a wealth of knowledge, Amy. You have a lot of shit to tell the people.

• 49:15Speaker 04

  So true.

• 49:16Stavros Halkias?

  You've had a-

• 49:17Speaker 04

  I've been alive a long time.

• 49:18Stavros Halkias?

  You've had a hilarious, I mean, a fucked up childhood. But you have a good sense of humor about it.

• 49:24Speaker 04

  It's sad.

• 49:25Stavros Halkias?

  And we have, hopefully we can help others. And man, this is so small, Eldis. I can't see dick. We can maybe maximize it or some shit or make it bigger, whatever the fuck.

• 49:38Stavros Halkias?

  You don't know how to click the fucking window? You know what the fuck I'm saying?

• 49:42Speaker 04

  I can't even come close to reading that.

• 49:44Stavros Halkias?

  I know, it's not even a sort of a possibility. There you are. You're so close, Eldis. There you go, buddy. Okay, play the fucking call.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  Control plus.

• 49:54Stavros Halkias?

  Now play it. Oh, fuck.

• 49:58Speaker 07

  Hey, Stavi. I have a situation I'd like your take on.

• 50:03Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 50:04Speaker 07

  Calling from Canada, by the way. I'm a 30-year-old woman. My long-term boyfriend, we've been together for eight years. He's 32. He had a childhood best friend that he essentially outgrew and cut off about five years ago. The, there was a lot of reasons why, but the straw that broke the camel's back was that essentially this scumbag of a guy- Tried to extort my boyfriend for nude pictures of me.

• 50:35Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 50:35Speaker 07

  And as well as my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.

• 50:38Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck?

• 50:39Speaker 07

  And there was, there was so much more than that that I could get into.

• 50:43Stavros Halkias?

  More than that?

• 50:43Speaker 07

  But I won't pick up your time. Essentially, this person now started working out at our gym.

• 50:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no.

• 50:50Speaker 07

  And has reached out to reconnect with my boyfriend and his former best friend. And my boyfriend seems to be kind of entertaining the idea of reintroducing this guy back into our lives.

• 51:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice.

• 51:02Speaker 07

  And I just don't know how to feel about it. I don't feel like it's my place to tell him who you can and cannot be friends with. But this guy just makes me super uncomfortable.

• 51:10Stavros Halkias?

  Are you fucking kidding me?

• 51:11Speaker 07

  And I really dislike him. So I'm curious what you think. I have sort of the authority to dictate here around their friendship.

• 51:18Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 51:19Speaker 07

  Any thoughts? I'd appreciate. Thank you. Bye.

• 51:21Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck?

• 51:23Speaker 04

  But it's your nudes.

• 51:25Stavros Halkias?

  I know. It's like, it'd be one thing if he was a complete dick to your, like, boyfriend, right?

• 51:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:31Stavros Halkias?

  If he was, if he did something like, whatever, stole money from him.

• 51:34Speaker 04

  And you're like, I don't think that person's good for you. Yeah.

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  You could still say that, by the way. By the way, you've been together for eight fucking years.

• 51:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, you could say whatever you want.

• 51:42Stavros Halkias?

  This is his best friend? This isn't even like a guy at work that he goes and gets beers with every four months. This is a guy who was exiled from his life, who, who-

• 51:52Speaker 04

  Childhood friend, right?

• 51:53Stavros Halkias?

  Huh? Childhood friend?

• 51:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:55Stavros Halkias?

  Who tried to fucking extort him to see you naked and another one of his ex-girlfriends, which by the way, you, you guys have been together eight years? How fucking old is this ex-girlfriend? He's trying to get pictures from like a girl who was like 20?

• 52:08Speaker 03

  He's pulling nudes off of fucking Ericsson from like-

• 52:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It's like, what, by the way, what's even the fucking megabytes on that? He's trying to get these fuzzy ass razor nudes? Why do you even want those? That's a whole other thing, right?

• 52:23Speaker 04

  Those BlackBerry cameras were terrible.

• 52:27Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucking nuts. I mean, you can obviously say-

• 52:31Speaker 04

  There's like a weird obsession going on that this guy has with his friend, maybe? Like, sort of weird fucking talented Mr. Ripley shit.

• 52:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't, I don't, I actually don't really get why the friend would want to get- You're right, there's gotta be something weird going on here. I mean, I guess, again, this, we always be, we've been childhood best friends. There's no world where either one of us tries to fucking extort each other for nudes of our ex-girlfriends.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  You haven't tried to get his wife's nudes?

• 52:59Stavros Halkias?

  No, I have not. I really have not.

• 53:01Speaker 04

  What better time than now?

• 53:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:04Speaker 04

  Do you like having a job?

• 53:05Stavros Halkias?

  If we wanna really understand this call, we have to exchange nudes. You know what? Not even your wife. An ex, although, nah, actually, you can keep those.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  You got them already?

• 53:17Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? That's all you, Eldis, actually.

• 53:21Stavros Halkias?

  But, but, like, I don't even understand a world where he wants this person back in his life. Now, I guess, you, I guess, the only, the best thing I can chalk it up to is like insane immaturity? Or even just like not understanding how bad this must feel to his-

• 53:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:40Stavros Halkias?

  Cause he probably said no, obviously, right?

• 53:42Speaker 04

  I'm not surprised by him being, I mean, you know how dudes are? You guys will hang with a fucking demon over like upsetting anybody or taking a stand.

• 53:53Stavros Halkias?

  That is actually very true.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, my good friend's a rapist, but I don't wanna have a talk with him about it. It's exhausting.

• 54:00Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, that is, that's a good point, and it's like, these are also like, this is also like, like, potential digital sex crimes?

• 54:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:08Stavros Halkias?

  Like, you know what I mean? He didn't, it didn't ultimately happen. I guess the point, you're absolutely correct, but he also tried to extort him, right?

• 54:15Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, I know what you're talking about, where it's like, people will definitely turn a blind eye. But he's fucking chill to drink beers with!

• 54:23Speaker 04

  We played Little League together!

• 54:25Stavros Halkias?

  That girl's a fucking bitch, anyway!

• 54:28Speaker 03

  They'll fuck up the fantasy league.

• 54:29Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, the fantasy, we gotta find another guy for the fantasy league? The ecosystem is so good!

• 54:36Speaker 04

  I also understand her need to be like, hey, can I step in here? Because there is always that thing where you're like, I don't want to be one of those nags. You know, who's like telling a guy who he can hang out with. But your instincts are correct. Like, this is insane.

• 54:51Stavros Halkias?

  And by the way, I get, I mean, I know you're saying about that. I, I get that to being a worry for women, but it's like, you've been together eight years.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is not new.

• 55:00Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, if, if he was somebody, here's where I would feel this way if I were her. If he was somebody that just didn't do anything wrong, but she had a bad feeling about.

• 55:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's when I would be like, I just am uncomfortable around this guy. I don't like him. And even then, you could, because this is your partner of eight years. And the thing they should want to do is make you comfortable around their friends. You could even then have a conversation like, hey, I just don't like this guy. He fucking creeps me out.

• 55:27Speaker 04

  You hang out with him, but I don't want to go.

• 55:29Stavros Halkias?

  Don't bring him around to any like, big functions. I don't want him to meet my fucking family.

• 55:33Speaker 04

  When I'm doing my nude photo shoots, I don't want him at the house.

• 55:35Stavros Halkias?

  I don't want him there. I don't want him all of a sudden working. Yeah, he's not, I don't want him being the gaffer.

• 55:42Stavros Halkias?

  You could even have a conversation then, because that's what a fucking relationship is about. You should be able to even go a little above what's acceptable. If it really affects you emotionally, that's something I think people should have in a very open, trusting relationship. Like, hey, I just am not feeling comfortable here. And you should be able to feel that way.

• 56:01Speaker 04

  And eight formative years too, because she's only 30. So it's like, yeah, you've been with this dude like your whole twenties. Like, yeah, you can tell him.

• 56:08Stavros Halkias?

  And so the next, and then the next, so that's like, that's where I understand what worrying about being a nag. You shouldn't be worrying about this at all.

• 56:14Speaker 04

  No, you're correct.

• 56:16Stavros Halkias?

  Somebody who fucking committed a fuck, like, he was legitimately trying to commit a sex crime. With, that involved you. It's not even like, it's literally you, he's trying to look at your, he's trying to like, do a fucking low level form of assault to you by like, looking at your private nudes. You could be like, get this guy the fuck out of here. And I will take it a step further to say, if you are, if the person you are with does not understand that. You shouldn't be with him.

• 56:44Speaker 04

  Not a good match.

• 56:45Stavros Halkias?

  You shouldn't be with him.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, and she said this is just one of many things he's done.

• 56:49Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 56:50Speaker 04

  So I can't imagine what the other shit is.

• 56:53Stavros Halkias?

  And I do think that's what it ultimately, like, the subtext in this call is, together eight years, formative years, like you said, people start thinking like, this has been my whole youth.

• 57:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:04Stavros Halkias?

  I'm kinda locked in here. You can kinda hear that a little in her voice even.

• 57:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's kinda the next worry of like, is this, if I start nagging now, like, or if this starts an argument, are we gonna break up and then I'm left to fend for myself, 30 years old, I haven't dated, that's a nightmare?

• 57:21Speaker 04

  Old, old, useless to society.

• 57:24Stavros Halkias?

  Just so.

• 57:26Stavros Halkias?

  You should honestly go to a monastery.

• 57:28Speaker 04

  Nobody wants those nudes anymore.

• 57:32Stavros Halkias?

  Unless you're keeping it tight. Well, that's, you know, it's how much.

• 57:36Speaker 04

  What if the guy was specifically asking for her older nudes?

• 57:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:39Speaker 04

  No, from eight years ago, bro. No, no, not now. When you first met.

• 57:48Stavros Halkias?

  But like, I get that, like, kind of like, maybe it's not even being said out loud, maybe she's not even letting herself think that, but I've also, I know people who are in long-term relationships in, who, they go from their twenties to their thirties and they worry like, if this collapses.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:03Stavros Halkias?

  I'm fucked. And they, but here's the problem.

• 58:06Speaker 04

  Start over, yeah.

• 58:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking stupid. Like, again, at the end of the day.

• 58:09Speaker 04

  There's so much time.

• 58:10Stavros Halkias?

  You don't wanna be, not only does there's so much time, even if there wasn't, even if you're fucking old as shit, you don't wanna be with people that don't respect your baseline desires and emotions. You know what I mean?

• 58:20Speaker 04

  Well, that's the thing, is you've been together this long with someone and you trust them, so then you question your own instincts, cuz you're just like, wait, like, I think I'm saying something really reasonable.

• 58:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  But he disagrees, like, I feel crazy, you know? But we're like best frie-, like, you should know that this is not okay.

• 58:35Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta, you gotta talk to him and you also gotta like, feel empowered to bring stuff that, uh, that really upsets you up to your fucking boyfriend.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:46Stavros Halkias?

  Hopefully, it seems like.

• 58:47Speaker 04

  It's the minimum.

• 58:48Stavros Halkias?

  The absolute minimum, the absolute minimum. So good luck. What else we got, Big LD?

• 58:58Stavros Halkias?

  Hi, Stavi, Eldis, and Guest, big fan. I called Guest today, but I'm gonna try and give some more explanation and be a bit more concise.

• 59:06Speaker 03

  Trying to be quick. I'm a thirty two year old guy in Michigan. I have a wife and kid, six months old. So new family, new to all this. I have had self esteem issues my entire life. Um, I have kind of always hated the way I look. I don't, I say that, I know, people have told me, I'm not, you know, I'm not Brad Pitt, but I'm not an unattractive person. Uh, I run, I stay in shape. I generally eat healthy, my normal meals. This is the issue. I fucking hate myself.

• 59:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 59:41Speaker 04

  Buddy.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  Hate myself. I hate how I look. I, there's nothing I can do about it, but I, and my wife doesn't know this, and I, when she's not around, I'll go to the store and I'll spend a ton of money on junk food and I'll just fucking binge eat like crazy. Sounds like, sounds like.

• 1:00:00Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, wait. What's the problem?

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  Cats away.

• 1:00:03Stavros Halkias?

  You hate yourself and when you're sad, you eat a lot of junk food? Listen, pal.

• 1:00:09Speaker 03

  When your wife's out of town, you binge eat?

• 1:00:11Stavros Halkias?

  You have a good ass time? Sounds like what I dream of, when I think of being married, I dream of these days automatically. Like, that's part of it to me. But anyway.

• 1:00:23Speaker 04

  He's telling this to two fat, traveling comedians.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  You talking about Saturday before the early show?

• 1:00:31Speaker 04

  Sounds good.

• 1:00:32Stavros Halkias?

  You talking about clearing out that little fucked up hotel gift shop with like Haagen Dazs bars and Doritos, paying nine dollars for fucking two Rice Krispie trees?

• 1:00:43Speaker 04

  I'm crunching up chips on the cup of noodles. And if they have a little cheese in there?

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  Well, my wife's out of town. Sometimes it's like, you know, it's just like a personal challenge. See what kind of damage you could do with a sandwich.

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  You turn into an animal. Yeah, like a wild beast.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  It's like, whoa, could I really do this?

• 1:01:01Stavros Halkias?

  Could she notice, see how I'm noticeably fatter in four and a half days?

• 1:01:08Speaker 03

  Okay, keep going here. Like crazy. Like, I'm talking big things, ice cream, chips, all that stuff, like a ton. And it hasn't become a thing. Because I run every day, even though I feel like shit doing it after this happened.

• 1:01:26Stavros Halkias?

  Because of that, my weight's never really gone up. I've just kind of out, I've managed to outrun it. Um, which I'm sure is not healthy. No. Uh, the only thing you can really tell, my skin isn't the best and it hasn't. You know, it's okay, but that's the only real mark that there's an issue. Um. But my self-esteem is clearly terrible. I went to a therapist. He told me literally, I talk like someone who was like sexually assaulted as a kid. Because of the way I spoke about myself, my self-esteem issues.

• 1:01:56Speaker 04

  Hey, you sound like you've been taught.

• 1:01:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what are you, some kind of freak that got fucked? As a kid? You just need some fucking bonbons. Fucking man up. Just an awesome.

• 1:02:09Speaker 04

  Terrible therapist.

• 1:02:10Stavros Halkias?

  He went to some like Italian therapist. What are you get? You sound like you got your little dick sucked by a guy when you were four.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  It happens.

• 1:02:18Stavros Halkias?

  You just need a little extra lasagna. Grow up.

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  It's called having an uncle, kid.

• 1:02:26Stavros Halkias?

  It happens to the best of us. You do curls until you don't fucking remember anymore.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  Young boy.

• 1:02:36Stavros Halkias?

  Don't go, what are you gonna ruin the guy's life?

• 1:02:38Speaker 04

  I've never heard of a therapist saying some shit like that. That's crazy.

• 1:02:42Stavros Halkias?

  We also do have a pretty unreliable narrator who probably doesn't take anything charitably towards himself.

• 1:02:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

• 1:02:49Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sure he, I'm sure he hinted at it, but anyway. Let's see what else we got, Elders. Myself, my self-esteem issues. Kickers is my brother was sexually assaulted as a kid. I don't think I was, but it was a family friend who assaulted my brother. And it's totally possible that I just don't remember it and I was that young because it happened to him when he was really young. I can't ask him about this stuff anymore because unfortunately he passed away with a drug overdose. It just keeps getting messier. I'm not going to keep going, going, going, but long story short. How do I come clean to my wife? I've been doing this with food. And how do I stop hating myself? Thanks, bye.

• 1:03:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, I mean, look, this, obviously, this is difficult, but I will say, this kind of piggybacks off our last call about being comfortable with your partner. And he clearly, the self-esteem issues, he probably feels lucky, too lucky, you know, lucky to be with his wife, doesn't want to burden her, doesn't want to do anything. I will say, if what you're confessing to your wife is, I sometimes eat two Papa John's pizza, pizzas, and then go on runs the next day. You know how much better that is than I'm fucking the babysitter? Like, the things you could confess to your wife.

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  He's shredded.

• 1:04:05Stavros Halkias?

  This is not even a confession, dude. This is so in your own head, and it's, I do think, like, as much as we're kind of fucking with you, I think it is kind of important for you to hear this because I know that I've definitely been where he is, where you hate yourself for different things, and the shit in your head, when you don't talk to somebody, and it just bounces in your head, this insane echo chamber.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  It starts to feel true.

• 1:04:27Stavros Halkias?

  It starts to feel true, and not only true, but like insurmountable, when in the reality, this isn't that bad, dude, it really isn't.

• 1:04:34Speaker 04

  No, and, I mean, I feel like even with the, I'm sorry about your brother, by the way, and that's so tragic, and whether you were abused or not as well, and you just forgot it, it sounds also like you're looking for, like, why am I like this? Like, some sort of easy answer, but it's, you know, some people are just depressives, it's literally your brain chemistry, it's like any other health issue you might have, you know, and you just, like, you shouldn't be ashamed to get help or take medication for it, because like, yeah, brain chemistry will tell you a lot of fucking lies. I also want to say, your wife probably knows about snacks. Wives know shit.

• 1:05:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 1:05:14Speaker 04

  You're never gonna hide it as well as you think you are, but I'm sure that, because she knows you well, and she knows he's like, struggles with self-esteem, she probably doesn't want to call him out.

• 1:05:24Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:05:25Speaker 04

  Like, hey, you shredded fuck. What were you eating today while I was gone?

• 1:05:29Stavros Halkias?

  Why are your tank tops, why is the sweat in your tank tops orange and smell like hot Cheetos?

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  Why is there chocolate on your abs?

• 1:05:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, dude, that's the thing. It's like, and what you're saying is you're looking for a clean, like, why am I like this thing? The other thing I'll say is, it doesn't really fucking matter why.

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:49Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I think, you know, clearly you have an eating disorder. That's like the most clear thing of all, right? I know what that's, I literally just haven't, like, I didn't think I had an eating disorder. I'm like, eating disorder, that's like, you know, girls, girls throw up, you know what I mean? Like, and then I just, like, would hit it off, like, I dated so many girls with eating disorders when I was younger, and it was like, it was a yin and yang thing, where you were like, just the opposite ends of the, like, food spectrum. And like, I think, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter why, this is something, you know, you have an affinity towards binging, whatever, and it's just about, like, how do I get control of it?

• 1:06:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you're seeking comfort. And it could be anything. You could be doing drugs, you could be drinking, you could be jerking off too much, but it's, you know, if your sort of main feeling that you have a lot of the time, it sounds like, is shame, like, that's just gonna come up, you know, until you just tackle that, like, and it's really hard.

• 1:06:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's super hard. And it's also like, it's also, you have to, and the other thing I'll say is, like, it's not, of all the addictions, legitimately, dude, you kinda have the best one. Like, food is not that bad, but also you work out. And so, we have two different things. You have, like, the hating yourself thing, and the eating disorder thing. And it's like, maybe just try and take some fucking steps towards the eating disorder stuff. Maybe you didn't like that therapist. I would say, don't give up, because therapists are just fucking people, and maybe you didn't click with one, and, you know, it took me a while to find a couple of good ones. You know, I had, I had one I liked in Baltimore, and it was tough finding one in New York, but I found one, and it helps, it

• 1:07:30Stavros Halkias?

  works for me. And maybe, and, and you need to go in there with, like, these, you know, you're in there with these special problems. You're not just yapping about whatever. You have shit you wanna deal with. Self-esteem is a hard one, dude. Like, it really is. I mean, you're not gonna really hear it, but you're doing great. Sounds like you're a fucking good father and husband. You just kinda take all this stuff inward. And look, dude, maybe you are annoyed at stuff about your life. Like, this is also classic. The other thing, maybe you don't feel you're the kind of person who can't speak up, so you turn it all inward. I know that feeling. I definitely dealt with that for years with therapy about just speaking up. And I would, I would not say things, I would not discuss things that bothered me, and then I would turn it inward, and that was like a whole thing, and now-

• 1:08:14Speaker 04

  And knowing that people that love you want to hear that.

• 1:08:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Speaker 04

  And it's less isolating if you talk, yeah, to friends, family, and of course, a therapist.

• 1:08:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:24Speaker 04

  But it's like, you're not a burden on her if you talk to her about this. Like, she loves you, she's with you.

• 1:08:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. So like, just, you're just gonna have to have that conversation. My hunch is, it's not gonna, she's gonna, like, totally accept it and see what she can do to help you. On your own end, yeah, I would say, keep trying to go to therapy, maybe specifically for an eating disorder, to just get really granular, and maybe that opens up your greater self-esteem problems. But like, yeah, dude, it will feel good. And I will also say, I have never had a conversation that I've dreaded. I've never had it, and then, um-

• 1:09:01Speaker 04

  Not felt better.

• 1:09:01Stavros Halkias?

  And then, yeah, and then regretted it, right? It's always been, holy fuck, I feel not only better about the issue, I feel better as a per- it feels like leveling up as a human being. I feel like more of an adult. I've had those with people in my, I mean, with my family specifically, and in relationships too, so keep it going, you'll be fine. And I promise you, I have eaten twice what you eat in your worst day, and I didn't even consider exercising for weeks afterwards.

• 1:09:29Speaker 04

  And didn't feel bad about it. Not for a second.

• 1:09:32Stavros Halkias?

  Felt only bad about it when I was on the toilet, and I was like, ah, why did I go spicy? Why? Why did I get the extra hot wings if I had just gone Parm garlic? The damage on my whole would be much less. So-

• 1:09:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm like, send me a workout plan, buddy. Like, I've long wondered exactly how long, how long I need to run to offset forty-five dollars of Szechuan food. I promise you.

• 1:09:57Speaker 04

  Forrest Gump it.

• 1:09:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I wanna spend time with this guy, and we're gonna see what he eats, and we're gonna be so sad.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  I'm like, mentor me, dude.

• 1:10:06Stavros Halkias?

  Take me into it myself too. But I don't run.

• 1:10:12Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, good luck, buddy.

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• 1:11:07Speaker 07

  I fucked up the first call. I'm doing this again.

• 1:11:10Stavros Halkias?

  No worries.

• 1:11:10Speaker 07

  But for context, I lived in the south my whole life. And, you know, I was pretty slut-shamed. Just for literally no fucking reason. I just had big tits and people were like, "You're a whore." And so...

• 1:11:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yay for the tits, boo for the whore.

• 1:11:27Speaker 07

  Now I live in a big city and I don't really know. Um, I've been in a relationship for about four years. And I were opening up a relationship and I really want to fuck these two people and I don't know which one I want to fuck.

• 1:11:43Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:11:44Speaker 07

  Cause it's kind of a one pass, trial one type situation.

• 1:11:48Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this. Pause it. Awesome.

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  What is this? Two siblings?

• 1:11:53Stavros Halkias?

  I just want to say, I want to say, love seeing women act. Female dirtbags, one of my favorite, one of my favorite genres.

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  Big titted dirtbags?

• 1:12:03Stavros Halkias?

  Big titted female dirtbags? Oh, oh, brother, who, I'm getting hot around the collar. But I love seeing women behave like dickhead dudes traditionally do. And I also like when guys kind of get a little cunty and, you know, be like... Gossipy and drama filled. Love when we switch roles, folks. We should all be able to do the stereotypes of the other. But yeah, this is so funny.

• 1:12:25Speaker 04

  Live your whole life in the big city.

• 1:12:26Stavros Halkias?

  The like, we're opening it up. I get a one time pass to fuck someone. I really want to make it worth my while.

• 1:12:32Speaker 04

  Oh, that's okay.

• 1:12:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's what this is.

• 1:12:35Speaker 04

  I thought she was saying there are two people she wants to fuck, but she has to choose one. Like, I thought they're like siblings or something.

• 1:12:41Stavros Halkias?

  Well, she has, so from what I can gather.

• 1:12:43Speaker 04

  She gets one hall pass.

• 1:12:45Stavros Halkias?

  She gets a hall.

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  So it's not opening up.

• 1:12:46Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's a trial period.

• 1:12:48Speaker 03

  I think it's a trial run, just to give it a go and see.

• 1:12:51Stavros Halkias?

  Which, I am incredibly dubious of the relationship working with a situation like this, but we'll save that for the rest of the call. Let's keep going. I just wanted to shout her out for this line of thought.

• 1:13:02Speaker 07

  Past trial run type situation. So, the first person is this guy that I met at this, like, summer conference thing. And he is insanely talented and I really admire him. And I've been admiring him for years. And, um, when we met, we were both super drunk and we were being flirty and he's being touchy and I didn't dislike it. But, he's also like, I'm pretty sure in his late 30s.

• 1:13:38Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:13:38Speaker 07

  And I'm 22.

• 1:13:39Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's a big thing. I don't get it.

• 1:13:41Speaker 07

  I don't really know if this is just me falling for, like, my daddy or she was telling me that my talent, that this guy's talent is why I want to fuck him. I don't really know.

• 1:13:53Stavros Halkias?

  What's wrong with that?

• 1:13:54Speaker 07

  But.

• 1:13:56Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this?

• 1:13:56Speaker 04

  That's all we have.

• 1:13:57Stavros Halkias?

  I just want to really quickly, we're gonna, we're gonna definitely, we're gonna definitely finish this call. I just want to pause in here and say, if you're a hot girl in your 20s with big tits and you're thinking, there's a talented guy in his 30s who reminds me of a father type guy. Maybe he's

• 1:14:13Speaker 04

  I don't want to insult him.

• 1:14:15Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe, I don't know, balding, a little extra pounds. What, just speaking kind of in complete theoretical territory here. Don't worry about it.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  Oh, you're not gonna insult him.

• 1:14:27Stavros Halkias?

  I promise you, he is not gonna feel insulted. And also, maybe it is your daddy issues thing, but you know what?

• 1:14:34Speaker 04

  We've all got them.

• 1:14:35Stavros Halkias?

  We've all got them. Now's the time to figure them out.

• 1:14:37Speaker 04

  You're in the big city with your big titties.

• 1:14:40Stavros Halkias?

  And you like it. Anyway, so again, this is not, this has nothing to do with this particular call. Just more of a general note for hot women in their twenties everywhere.

• 1:14:49Speaker 04

  You're not gonna hurt his feelings, fucking him for his talent.

• 1:14:53Stavros Halkias?

  And I don't think it'll hurt you either. Let's keep going.

• 1:14:57Speaker 07

  But, the other person is this girl, this Greek girl.

• 1:15:03Stavros Halkias?

  Call keeps getting awesomer and awesomer.

• 1:15:06Speaker 07

  She's like my best friend at the moment, and I want to fuck her so bad. And she's super flirty with me. We pretend to kiss all the time. Take situations, or maybe just a little, whatever. And, um, we're going abroad for college. And I'm like, this is my time. If I'm gonna fuck her, it should be in fucking Greece. And we just get her cousin.

• 1:15:32Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, did somebody AI generate a call to make my dick hard?

• 1:15:38Speaker 04

  He's rocked up.

• 1:15:40Stavros Halkias?

  A 22-year-old with huge tits, and the two people she wants to fuck is her hot, will they, won't they? Greek friend.

• 1:15:48Speaker 04

  I guess I should eat her out in Greece.

• 1:15:50Stavros Halkias?

  Or some old talented guy that doesn't really do it for her. But it's just, am I just respecting him? It's not really physical. Like, I mean, what's going on here? We're describing, like, if I were to imagine a threesome I wanna have, it's this setup. But anyway, this is, this really feels targeted at me.

• 1:16:08Speaker 04

  I do feel like you jerk off to your imagination level.

• 1:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. I love to get a nice, a nice scenario going. Oh, anyway, sorry, I'm gonna keep it together.

• 1:16:18Speaker 07

  And, yeah, I don't know. I need your help. I want her to be my friend. But I also want her to feel my face, and I feel like I can't have both. Thank you, daddy.

• 1:16:31Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is funny. This is also like, you're fucking 22. Just fuck whoever you want. Like, this is the whole-

• 1:16:37Speaker 04

  I know. That relationship's not gonna last. You might as well just fuck around right now.

• 1:16:42Stavros Halkias?

  Like, here's what I will say. It's like, yeah, you're 22. By the way, of all the people, we haven't discussed who, the guy, the person, I don't know if it was a woman or a woman, that she's in this relationship. How long did she say the relationship was? Four years? Did she say? Scroll up, you fucking idiot. What do you mean, you don't know? Yeah, it's fucking right there, dickhead. God, you're so bad.

• 1:17:03Speaker 03

  I'm toggling between two screens at once, man.

• 1:17:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck, you're momentarily producing? I'm sorry to make you do that.

• 1:17:11Speaker 04

  He seems stressed. Leave him alone.

• 1:17:14Stavros Halkias?

  So, okay, let's do a little more math here. Relationship for four years.

• 1:17:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:19Stavros Halkias?

  She's 22.

• 1:17:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, and that's high school.

• 1:17:22Stavros Halkias?

  This is over.

• 1:17:23Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:17:23Stavros Halkias?

  I hate to just be this, to get this much into brass tacks.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  It's not, if you're gonna open it up or give a hall pass or whatever, like, you should get one pass for each gender.

• 1:17:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point.

• 1:17:35Speaker 04

  She shouldn't have to choose.

• 1:17:36Stavros Halkias?

  By Visibility Day.

• 1:17:38Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:17:39Stavros Halkias?

  Although then you could argue they get more rights. I don't know. Anyway, you could almost argue that's bi-phobic. We could go through, we could put it through its paces later, that argument, but... So, from what I'm hearing here, you're young, you were like in a repressive environment, you meet people that you wanna, I honestly think you should just fuck whoever you wanna fuck right now.

• 1:18:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you're going abroad, you're gonna be in Greece, like, she's not the only face you're gonna wanna sit on.

• 1:18:07Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:18:08Speaker 04

  You know?

• 1:18:09Stavros Halkias?

  But I also think-

• 1:18:09Speaker 04

  Somebody's gonna combine your interests and old Greek daddy.

• 1:18:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's actually a really good point.

• 1:18:16Speaker 04

  Likes?

• 1:18:16Stavros Halkias?

  Now that we're talking about this-

• 1:18:19Speaker 04

  To be sat upon.

• 1:18:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're right. You should fuse this into two people. The older guy that you respect is talent. No, but honestly, from the description here, it seems like she's kind of in love with her friend.

• 1:18:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:18:36Stavros Halkias?

  Of the people you've described, what I would do, I mean, I think you clearly want to hook up with her. Maybe it's a bad idea. I don't know. I also feel like young queer people kind of fuck each other and stay friends.

• 1:18:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've definitely been down this road. It was tricky to navigate because if it's your best friend, then I'm like, do I just have a girlfriend?

• 1:18:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:56Speaker 04

  I mean, we live together, fuck each other, and we're best friends. That seems like I have a girlfriend.

• 1:19:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:19:01Speaker 04

  But we didn't like speak that out loud until much later.

• 1:19:04Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. I mean, that's exactly, you kind of like fall into that situation.

• 1:19:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:08Stavros Halkias?

  And that also happens, by the way, in your early twenties.

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:19:11Stavros Halkias?

  She's also, she's kind of my best friend now, which means she probably just kind of met her. This isn't like a long-term thing.

• 1:19:17Speaker 04

  Six months ago.

• 1:19:18Stavros Halkias?

  What you mean is you meet, you met someone that you're kind of enamored with. You think they're hot. And you're what? You're, you're holding on to a relationship from freshman year of college?

• 1:19:27Speaker 04

  But also with the guy, the older guy, she said when they were touchy and flirting, she said, I didn't dislike it. That doesn't seem very horny to me.

• 1:19:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, but she has some weird horny feel. Like, I agree with you. Of the two, it seems clear to me you actually really want to fuck your friend. But I would also say, like, like truly doing the bit about me trying to fuck this girl, let's throw that out of it. Like, I'm not doing this bit anymore. You're young and you, you said you came from a repressed environment. It's like, you can also just try some shit out.

• 1:20:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:20:02Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe fuck a guy like that. And if you don't like it, you didn't like it. Or if you liked it, oh, this is something I want to explore. Like, that's what youth, that's what like your youth is for.

• 1:20:10Speaker 04

  And if you're in a moment where you're like, what if I explore these things and I lose my relationship? Then you're kind of ready to lose it anyway. Or it'll work out again later if it was meant to be. And like, you know, the guys chill about it. But I just really want to know what his talent is. Because what if he's like a juggler?

• 1:20:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:29Speaker 04

  He's a magician.

• 1:20:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's fucking, he's so, he's, he's so good at darts.

• 1:20:37Stavros Halkias?

  I met this 39-year-old father of two.

• 1:20:40Speaker 04

  He's a bull shark.

• 1:20:41Stavros Halkias?

  Just fucking, what's up, babe?

• 1:20:46Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, if I had to pick one, it sounds like you actually love your friend and like want to date her. I would probably fuck her over the two, but I don't, I think you should be out there exploring at this age. Good luck, little buddy.

• 1:21:00Speaker 07

  Hey, Stavi. I literally only ever listen to your podcasts or your show when my boyfriend puts it on, but turns out it's really funny and I love it. So, thank you for putting out great content. Love the advice column aspect. Anyway, I live in a city in the Northeast, a big city that is not New York City. But I have three friends who have spent a considerable amount of time living in New York. They no longer live there, but I have two friends from New York City and one who has lived there for like seven years and all now live in the same city as me. I love these friends. We have a lot of stuff in common. We always

• 1:21:45Speaker 07

  have a great time when we go out. However, inevitably, when we hang out in a group, the conversation always comes back to living in New York City, an experience I cannot relate to myself, having never done it.

• 1:22:00Speaker 04

  That's how they are.

• 1:22:01Stavros Halkias?

  You're with the winning team, bitch. Not my fault you never fucking reached your potential living in the greatest city in America.

• 1:22:09Speaker 04

  Sorry you don't like to struggle for eight years.

• 1:22:15Speaker 07

  To myself, having never done it. And I just kinda have to sit there.

• 1:22:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, remember when the G train was shut down that summer? Ooh, we had to take the fucking shuttle bus to Court Square?

• 1:22:29Speaker 04

  That's not the real race, slice.

• 1:22:31Stavros Halkias?

  You don't know what that's like, bitch. God, literally us and fucking, me and you in Baltimore and fucking, me and you when you live in Ohio in 30 years, Elvis, and your children like, "We get it, Dad."

• 1:22:46Speaker 07

  As they all reminisce and talk about living there and food and the problems and transportation, etc.

• 1:22:54Stavros Halkias?

  Transportation, yeah.

• 1:22:55Speaker 07

  While I can contribute nothing and just kind of have to endure this experience.

• 1:23:01Speaker 04

  She sounds so tired.

• 1:23:02Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:23:03Speaker 07

  I guess my, my question is, should I say something about this? Should I bring anything up?

• 1:23:10Stavros Halkias?

  This is so funny.

• 1:23:11Speaker 07

  The fact that I feel like I'm like totally omitted from this part of the conversation? Or should I just like shut the fuck up and suffer in silence? I would love to hear your thoughts.

• 1:23:23Stavros Halkias?

  This is so fucking funny.

• 1:23:24Speaker 07

  Thanks as always. Bye bye.

• 1:23:26Stavros Halkias?

  I never even, I mean, I didn't think about how fucking obnoxious that was. Like, this is the problem is that I'm trying to think what, like, you know what's so funny? I think literally all our friends lived in New York. Like, who wouldn't we be hanging out with where we would be doing this without them?

• 1:23:41Speaker 04

  I, I mean.

• 1:23:43Stavros Halkias?

  Give it, give us your, as a non-New Yorker, yes.

• 1:23:46Speaker 04

  I, I lived there at some point.

• 1:23:48Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, how long did you live there?

• 1:23:49Speaker 04

  Uh, not that long, like in 2012.

• 1:23:53Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, yes. Oh, yeah, that's because I think that must have been when we, no.

• 1:23:56Speaker 04

  But I spent a lot of time there.

• 1:23:59Stavros Halkias?

  No, I, we met when you were visiting because I moved in 2014.

• 1:24:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:24:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:04Speaker 04

  Oh, I, because I met you in Portland, maybe.

• 1:24:07Stavros Halkias?

  Probably.

• 1:24:08Speaker 04

  Well, I don't, I mean, it sounds to me like you gotta move to New York.

• 1:24:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you gotta go do six months.

• 1:24:12Speaker 04

  The sandwiches.

• 1:24:13Stavros Halkias?

  Have something to talk about.

• 1:24:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The parks.

• 1:24:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:17Speaker 04

  I mean, there's people up all hours. It's great.

• 1:24:20Stavros Halkias?

  Well, no, because she, she missed the boat. Because what this is, is her friends are desperately trying to cling to their youth. Like, I know this. And here's the thing, actually, I don't relate because me and Eldis, we made it in New York, baby. We're not your fucking loser friends that had to move back to your hometown. This is that kind of fucking behavior of like, still trying to cling on to the fact that you're better than your hometown friends. Because you live, because I remember being, I mean, remember when you were 20? I don't know if you had this experience, but on the East Coast, especially in like Baltimore or Phil, or like, you know, these like, kind of East Coast, mid-Atlantic cities, it was like. Just moving to New York, knowing someone who lived in New York, you're like, whoa.

• 1:25:03Speaker 04

  Oh, I know.

• 1:25:03Stavros Halkias?

  They lived in New York. I remember else would come back to Baltimore with a Bed-Stuy address just to get pussy. He was like, finally, now I'm respected in this town.

• 1:25:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:25:11Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I live in Brooklyn. So those people still trying to kind of cash in.

• 1:25:15Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:25:16Stavros Halkias?

  On that, on that, on those credentials. And it's like, I mean, they just happen to be there when they're young. People are nostalgic for their youth. And it's like this, they're just like still trying to cling on to the magic of that. I feel bad because I'm not able to give very constructive advice here. I'm, cause I just totally get where these people are coming from.

• 1:25:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're annoying, but we've all done it.

• 1:25:40Stavros Halkias?

  They're annoying, but it's like, if I flamed out and I was living in Baltimore, do you know how much I would talk about, yeah, I was just, oh, man, getting a slice and David Tell smoking behind me.

• 1:25:53Speaker 04

  My friend fucked a raven once. I didn't know her at the time.

• 1:25:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, my friend fucked a raven, but it felt good.

• 1:25:58Speaker 04

  New York's crazy.

• 1:25:59Stavros Halkias?

  New York's just such a hell of a town.

• 1:26:02Speaker 04

  Anything's possible.

• 1:26:04Stavros Halkias?

  I wanted a family, though. You're like making up the reason you left, even though the reason is you couldn't fucking hack it. But like, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to imagine if we were having one of these conversations and one of our friends was like, hey, guys, can we talk about something else?

• 1:26:19Speaker 04

  Anything else?

• 1:26:20Stavros Halkias?

  We'd be like, shut the fuck up, you fucking loser. But I mean, that's also dudes compared to like a group of four women. I don't know if they would, do you think you would openly bully a friend like that if she was mad about New York?

• 1:26:32Speaker 04

  I have a hard time understanding why she cares so much about it. I mean, you can just literally go and leave the room.

• 1:26:38Stavros Halkias?

  Jealousy, baby. Jealousy. Never lived there, don't get it. You fucking...

• 1:26:43Speaker 04

  Never had a chopped cheese at 4 a.m.

• 1:26:45Stavros Halkias?

  Never went to a frickin' bodega. You don't even know what it's like. Yeah. You know how you go to Rite Aid? Well, imagine a smaller, shittier Rite Aid with a cat inside of it that sells bad sandwiches.

• 1:26:58Speaker 04

  And a kid making a sandwich who's never not on the phone with somebody.

• 1:27:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You've never bought condoms from a 13-year-old Yemeni on FaceTime? You don't know what live is like, bitch.

• 1:27:09Speaker 04

  It's true. It feels true.

• 1:27:13Speaker 04

  I don't wanna be not on her side, but...

• 1:27:15Stavros Halkias?

  She called in and it's just getting the same. She called in for sympathy and we're like, "Yeah, let's do some of that." "Let's do the thing she's annoyed at." Remember when we lived together, and we fucking all had a small, oh, that Ikea couch?

• 1:27:29Speaker 04

  You get a $40 obstructed view ticket to see Rent on a Wednesday afternoon? Big pole right in front of you.

• 1:27:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't know. I mean, what can you do? Can you switch it to something annoying? But it's like, you're outmanned here. You're fucked. You don't understand how obnoxious the love for New York is for people to move there. You really, and you miss the boat, and all you gotta do is sit there and fucking take it, baby.

• 1:27:56Speaker 04

  And that boasts the Staten Island Ferry.

• 1:27:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. So they live, they're all in the Northeast, but, I mean, if you ever got, if you ever get mad, you should be like, "Well, why are you guys here, then? Why are you back if it's so fucking great?"

• 1:28:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. And nobody went that far, you know? But when you grow up on the West Coast, like, New York is always like this fantasy. You're like, "Oh, one day I'll live in New York," you know? And it seems like so unattainable. But it's like, you went from Philly to New... I'm like...

• 1:28:25Stavros Halkias?

  It still feel, I mean, maybe being poor in Baltimore's different.

• 1:28:29Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 1:28:29Stavros Halkias?

  I truly felt like it was like, like, a fantasy place.

• 1:28:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:28:34Stavros Halkias?

  Like, New York, like, it just does have that myth, I just think it does have that quality for a lot of people.

• 1:28:39Speaker 04

  It's magical. Oh, and the Christmas lights this time of year. Mitch, you're wrong.

• 1:28:47Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, I'm sorry, it's great.

• 1:28:49Speaker 04

  It rips.

• 1:28:50Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry you fucking did this sensible thing. You probably own a house now, they're probably fucked, but hey. That's what you get, actually, is the, whatever sensible decision you made, you put down roots in a place that was more supportive for you. You probably get to experience things they don't. Now, if you're a train wreck...

• 1:29:09Speaker 04

  She's got a savings account.

• 1:29:09Stavros Halkias?

  If you're a train wreck in your hometown, maybe that's really what this is about.

• 1:29:14Stavros Halkias?

  Because you choose either sticking around and like, sort of, you know, not sustainability, but like, support, like a nice support system, or you move out, you have your wild, either New York or whatever, you take a risk. You didn't take the risk, hopefully that paid dividends for you. And if it didn't, that's what you're really mad about. You're not mad.

• 1:29:34Speaker 04

  It's not too late, by the way.

• 1:29:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, it probably is though.

• 1:29:37Speaker 04

  Get down there.

• 1:29:39Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, it's over. There's nothing more pathetic than a 36-year-old being like, "I'm doing it, baby. Williamsburg, here I come." And it's like, oh, there's an Apple store there. It's like, what are you, you just watched Girls as a 36-year-old? And you're like, "I'm making the big move." It's like...

• 1:29:55Speaker 04

  Give me a pickleback.

• 1:29:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's over, man. That's when you move to like a cool, smaller city.

• 1:30:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:30:01Stavros Halkias?

  Get a farm, you know, you have to do, there's other cool risks to take in your 30s. They're like late 30s.

• 1:30:08Speaker 03

  You can't be moving to Crown Heights.

• 1:30:09Stavros Halkias?

  You can't be, fuck, you can't have three roommates in Bushwick and saying it's East Williamsburg, actually, when you're 37. You can't be sharing a bathroom with a fucking 22-year-old they/them as a fucking 37-year-old man who's trying a new haircut out. That's over.

• 1:30:28Speaker 04

  All our neighbors are Hasidic. It's so great. They love that we're here.

• 1:30:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, sorry, but we got really nothing out of that.

• 1:30:36Speaker 04

  I feel bad.

• 1:30:37Stavros Halkias?

  But I got to reminisce for a little bit about...

• 1:30:40Speaker 03

  How awesome New York is.

• 1:30:41Stavros Halkias?

  How awesome New York is, my youth, it's awesome.

• 1:30:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I must really be obnoxious to people, but whatever, suck my dick.

• 1:30:53Stavros Halkias?

  Can't help that I'm a dreamer.

• 1:30:55Speaker 05

  Hello, Stav, and hello, eldest and guests. I hope everyone is doing well. First time, long time. So, one of my best friends is planning on moving to the same city as me and wants to be roommates. And I don't know if that would be the best idea.

• 1:31:14Speaker 06

  So she is a she's she's a woman, but she's full lesbian and I'm a straight guy.

• 1:31:21Speaker 04

  Full lesbian.

• 1:31:22Speaker 06

  Not anything there.

• 1:31:23Speaker 04

  She's ripe with it.

• 1:31:26Speaker 06

  Anyway, she's she's the homie and I love her to death. Um, I just don't think we're compatible as roommates at all. Um, and I know this after having like spent like weekends together out of town. Um, her having stayed at my place before. Um, she's a very go, go, go all the time type person. Um, always needs to be around people.

• 1:31:47Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, she's got projects to do.

• 1:31:49Speaker 06

  I'm the opposite. I like to have a good time, but I enjoy it as my own space and just my own, just quiet time alone. Um, and when she has stayed at my place, like we've clashed over little things like whether to have the A C on versus the windows or like what time we wake up. She's a like, I'm a morning person, she is not by any means.

• 1:32:11Speaker 04

  A roommate.

• 1:32:12Speaker 06

  Um, so she's just sort of like, kind of, she's kind of like stubborn about having things her way. Um, even when she's staying at another person's place.

• 1:32:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane.

• 1:32:20Speaker 06

  Um, and and just in general, she's kind of like that. And I don't think it's like a selfishness thing. I think she just lacks that social awareness to where if we were living together, I can feel a question a lot.

• 1:32:34Stavros Halkias?

  She's not a coward like you.

• 1:32:36Speaker 04

  Likes to sleep in.

• 1:32:38Stavros Halkias?

  Keep going, sorry.

• 1:32:40Speaker 06

  Um, we're also in a band together. Um, a band is doing like fairly well. So, um, not only are we friends, but like we're kind of almost like, like coworkers in a way too. Like being in a band, like you have responsibilities that you share together. Um, but I think we'd clash a lot. And at the end of the day, she is one of my best friends in the whole world. Um, I love her. I just don't want our relationship to spoil. And I've always heard. Never to live with a best friend because you might ruin the friendship. And I am uh just facing that for the first time and trying to feel out, you know, what that might be like and I kinda don't think it would be the best idea. But thanks for any advice, my friend. Thank you, you fat rascal. Alright.

• 1:33:24Stavros Halkias?

  You got it, buddy. I mean, yeah, this is such an open and shut. This almost feels like he just called in so that he could show her this call. But I mean, it's so clear.

• 1:33:34Speaker 04

  He doesn't know how to say it, but you just have to say it. I mean, just say you don't think it'd be a good idea. It's too much to work with someone, collaborate creatively. I don't, I mean, some other stuff I don't really get. Like, I don't know why you care when she wakes up when she's visiting you.

• 1:33:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:50Speaker 04

  Like, that's fucking bizarre.

• 1:33:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:52Speaker 04

  I've had breakfast ready for hours. But she was out lesbian-ing all night.

• 1:33:57Stavros Halkias?

  Is he the morning person? No, she's the morning, he's the morning person, she's not, right? Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I guess it is kind of, someone's on your couch.

• 1:34:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:34:04Stavros Halkias?

  And it's fucking, they've just been sleeping till noon, you're like, alright, can I fucking, can I make some noise? I get that being a little annoying, whatever, but like,

• 1:34:11Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:34:11Stavros Halkias?

  At the end of the day, yes, they're roommates. And I also think it's probably more of a personality clash. This guy seems more reserved, she's, like, I kinda know who this girl is already, where she's like, oh, actually, we're gonna need to be 66 degrees in here. You know what I mean? Like, she's definitely like telling him what to do and like, I've, you know, that's, if he, he seems the kinda guy who's gonna not say shit. Here's what I think he really wants to avoid. Her steamrolling him and him being resentful.

• 1:34:41Speaker 04

  Or her being mad when he says it's not a good idea.

• 1:34:44Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, yes, either way.

• 1:34:45Speaker 04

  Which I wonder how she treats everybody in the band. If she's like pushy in the band.

• 1:34:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, maybe she's pushy in the band, he's like, but I think you're right, Amy, in which, in that he can say like, look, you're my best friend, you know, we're, we're, we're bros, we're in a band, that's two out of three, we can't, we need a little space from each other. And it's no, like, I even wanna hang out with you, but it's just like, I don't, you know, this just isn't, it's too much.

• 1:35:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't want it to be a strain on our friendship.

• 1:35:13Stavros Halkias?

  Like, if, like, we moved in together, and whatever, we, it, we didn't even give a fuck. But it's like, the reason, I think, our, when we moved in with another friend of ours and just a random comic, not a random comic, comic I knew, I think it worked because, uh, we ruined our friend's life. And she, and she didn't say anything, and then every three months she would have a mental breakdown. And we would just like, put our heads down and like dutifully clean. We would deep clean the apartment, she would start crying, she would come home from like a hard, her, the only person with a real hard job, I was an aspiring comedian, I was an open mic'er in New York.

• 1:35:50Speaker 03

  Hey, excuse you.

• 1:35:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sorry, you worked at CBS Local.

• 1:35:55Speaker 04

  Local.

• 1:35:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:56Speaker 04

  The affiliate.

• 1:35:57Stavros Halkias?

  You were, you were doing listicles after the CMAs that no one was fucking reading. Um, and another guy was a comic, and she just had a demanding job.

• 1:36:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:36:08Stavros Halkias?

  She just come back, mess, rappers everywhere, we're fucking high as shit, playing fucking Playstation. We're like, what's up? And she's just like, "You haven't done a fucking dish?" And like, and we're like, "Oh, oh." Just high, being like, "We're so sorry."

• 1:36:25Speaker 04

  Some people aren't meant to have roommates. I'm not good at having roommates, because I'm her, I'm the full lesbian, you know what I mean? I'll try to control the situation, and, because that's like your haven, you know, home is like, you want it to be how you want it.

• 1:36:38Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:36:38Speaker 04

  And if you can't, you know,

• 1:36:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if you're not compatible.

• 1:36:41Speaker 04

  work that out with other people, then it just doesn't, you just have to know that about yourself. She needs to get her own little lesbian pad.

• 1:36:46Stavros Halkias?

  Get her own little, yeah.

• 1:36:47Speaker 04

  They up as late as she wants.

• 1:36:49Stavros Halkias?

  Stay up all night.

• 1:36:49Speaker 04

  Sitting on faces.

• 1:36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely, sounds good, sounds good to me.

• 1:36:53Speaker 04

  Going to Greece.

• 1:36:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, that's the other one, that's the big titted one, let's not, you know, let's not forget, you know, let's not mix up our queer women on this show.

• 1:37:03Speaker 04

  Only the big titted queers matter.

• 1:37:05Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, the other ones do too.

• 1:37:06Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 1:37:07Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, as much, I don't know, but they matter. I'm not, there's a ranking system.

• 1:37:13Speaker 04

  Thank you, Stavros.

• 1:37:13Stavros Halkias?

  In my personal, not that my ranking system matters.

• 1:37:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, and also, it doesn't sound like you guys are in your early twenties. That would be a trickier conversation. It's like, this is just adulthood. If she argues it and is like, you're being unreasonable, or, you know, we really should live together. It's just like, it's too bad.

• 1:37:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:30Speaker 04

  Cause we've all seen this play out. So, you know, once you're at a certain age, you're like, this has never worked well.

• 1:37:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you should be like, no, just be like, it seems like you'll be fine. You just have to talk to her about it. But you're, you're, if all you're, this is the rare time where someone has their mind made up and they're looking for us to agree with them.

• 1:37:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:37:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's usually like, can I cheat on my wife? It's never like, can I have a reasonable adult conversation with my friend?

• 1:37:51Speaker 04

  About boundaries.

• 1:37:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, you can, buddy.

• 1:37:55Speaker 03

  I feel like, I feel like he does sound like a little more of a pussy than her and like.

• 1:37:59Stavros Halkias?

  Definitely.

• 1:37:59Speaker 03

  It's like, on the best friends thing alone, it's like, yeah, if you and your best friend are moving to the same city, it would make sense to like, move in together. But if he wants to go like the super safe route, like, the band thing is the perfect coverage.

• 1:38:12Stavros Halkias?

  Definitely.

• 1:38:13Speaker 04

  We work together.

• 1:38:14Speaker 03

  We work together.

• 1:38:15Speaker 04

  If you can't do any of it because you're too scared, just lie.

• 1:38:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:19Speaker 04

  That you found somebody already.

• 1:38:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:21Speaker 04

  Or my landlord hates lesbians.

• 1:38:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm homophobic now. But only from the hours of midnight to 8 a.m. So you can't sleep here.

• 1:38:35Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, yeah, he's fine.

• 1:38:36Speaker 04

  A lot of these calls are just people not wanting to have a tough conversation.

• 1:38:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's honestly 90% of them. That's what 90% of them boil down to.

• 1:38:44Speaker 04

  I forget that everyone's like a huge pussy.

• 1:38:49Speaker 04

  I've forgotten my whole life.

• 1:38:52Speaker 04

  That's why people treat me weird.

• 1:38:54Stavros Halkias?

  It's true. You had to fucking climb yourself out of that white trash muck.

• 1:38:59Speaker 04

  Did I tell kids there was no Santa?

• 1:39:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:02Speaker 04

  I'm just like, stop crying, you little pussy. Some conversations are hard.

• 1:39:08Stavros Halkias?

  Hey to SLD.

• 1:39:10Speaker 05

  Hey stuff, hey Aldous, esteemed guest.

• 1:39:14Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:39:15Speaker 05

  So I'm currently in high school, I'm seventeen. Uh, and I go to this church and there's this really bad bitch. Like, one of the fattest asses I've ever seen.

• 1:39:28Speaker 04

  Praise God, praise the Lord.

• 1:39:29Speaker 05

  And anyways, um, I, she sings in the choir and I have a friend in the choir that like, they sometimes talk and she thought I was like, she thought I was fine and shit.

• 1:39:43Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 1:39:43Speaker 05

  So we started DMing. Turns out she's twenty-one, or about to be twenty-one this month. And I told her I turn eighteen soon and I'm trying to get in that, but...

• 1:39:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, for sure, dude.

• 1:39:56Speaker 05

  Our parents know each other, which I didn't know because everyone in the church is kinda like interconnected in a weird way.

• 1:40:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, did you know that if you go to the same church, your parents know each other? What a fucking dumb, young dumbass. He's just so horri- like, that didn't occur to you? That's what being a community is. He's like explaining it like, "We've never heard of that."

• 1:40:18Speaker 04

  Our dads are both deacons and they're like friends.

• 1:40:22Stavros Halkias?

  Did you know that? He said, "Church is kinda like interconnected in this weird way."

• 1:40:29Speaker 04

  It's called community.

• 1:40:30Stavros Halkias?

  This guy's awesome. This is a cute little kid here.

• 1:40:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:33Speaker 05

  Kinda like interconnected in a weird way. So do I go for it? Or, or do I leave it? Um, and some more context, uh, that ass is definitely worse than awkward conversations.

• 1:40:47Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:40:49Speaker 05

  I, I don't know if it's morally wrong.

• 1:40:50Stavros Halkias?

  Morally wrong.

• 1:40:51Speaker 05

  Maybe I'm a victim, but she's so funny.

• 1:40:53Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe you're a victim, you're not a victim.

• 1:40:55Speaker 04

  Cause he's seventeen, you say.

• 1:40:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I get it, but come on. Seventeen about to turn eighteen. A twenty-year-old with a fat ass, I mean, what are we talking about here?

• 1:41:04Speaker 04

  I don't know what state you're in, I would wait till your birthday, probably. I don't know what the awkward conversation is, like with their parents?

• 1:41:10Stavros Halkias?

  Who gives a fuck, dude?

• 1:41:10Speaker 04

  Nobody has to talk to their parents about this.

• 1:41:13Stavros Halkias?

  Who cares, I mean, I guess if they start dating...

• 1:41:15Speaker 04

  I don't know if you've noticed this girl in the choir with a fat ass.

• 1:41:18Stavros Halkias?

  Dad, do you know how big this girl's cheeks are?

• 1:41:20Speaker 04

  She's a little older than me. But I'm gonna wait till after my birthday to try to get in there.

• 1:41:26Stavros Halkias?

  Well, he says she's about to turn 21. He's about to turn 18. She's essentially two years older than him.

• 1:41:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:41:31Stavros Halkias?

  That's literally nothing.

• 1:41:32Speaker 04

  It's still illegal in some places, but if your birthday's close, I guess.

• 1:41:35Stavros Halkias?

  You should be able to, if you're a 17-year-old boy and you get a voucher and she's within, if she hasn't turned, you know, 22 yet.

• 1:41:44Speaker 04

  You talk to all your parents about it ahead of time.

• 1:41:46Stavros Halkias?

  Not even a parent. There should be an independent, like, council that's like, yeah, okay. Yeah, no, it makes sense.

• 1:41:54Speaker 04

  Talk to the priest.

• 1:41:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, talk to the priest.

• 1:41:56Speaker 04

  He knows what's up.

• 1:41:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, he gets, if he gets, if anyone gets it, it's him. Dude, get in there. Who gives a fuck? I don't even, I mean, yeah, maybe wait till you're 18, but whatever.

• 1:42:06Speaker 04

  But also, she's not, like, planting messages. I love, like, this is what touches my heart. Like, I love teenagers.

• 1:42:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's really cute.

• 1:42:14Speaker 04

  The thrill of that, when you get word through another person that someone thinks you're fine as fuck. Like, that's like such a good feeling. She's putting that message out there on purpose, because she wants you to know. And it sounds like you're really meant to be this beautiful Christian relationship.

• 1:42:32Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, you've already talked about turning 18.

• 1:42:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:42:34Stavros Halkias?

  So there's been some vibes going, going around there. So yes, as soon as you fucking turn 18, ask her to marry you. And do it the Christian, yeah, don't have premarital sex, obviously. I mean, that's clear. I think we can all agree about that.

• 1:42:50Speaker 04

  She sounds like she's probably a really good singer, too. I don't know if it was the fat ass.

• 1:42:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:56Speaker 04

  I think she's good.

• 1:42:57Stavros Halkias?

  She's probably an incredible singer. So yeah, dude, don't worry about it, little guy. Get in there. Uh, that's good, Elders. You got anything short and quick to take us out here? Yep. Amy, I think you want a plug. Sorry, we never, we didn't mention that. We'll put it in the...

• 1:43:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, sure.

• 1:43:12Stavros Halkias?

  Where can people find you?

• 1:43:13Speaker 04

  Well, I have a bunch of dates coming up. I don't know when this comes out, but just go to Amy Miller.

• 1:43:18Stavros Halkias?

  It is January. It's not when it's coming out. We're recording it in January.

• 1:43:21Speaker 04

  It is January.

• 1:43:24Speaker 04

  Happy birthday, Mom.

• 1:43:25Stavros Halkias?

  Happy birthday, Ma.

• 1:43:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, just amy miller comedy dot com.

• 1:43:29Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 1:43:29Speaker 04

  I put all my dates up there, but follow me on Instagram, amy miller comedy.

• 1:43:32Stavros Halkias?

  Follow.

• 1:43:33Speaker 04

  That's the only thing that matters in our business.

• 1:43:34Stavros Halkias?

  It's the only thing that matters for the next.

• 1:43:36Speaker 04

  We have nothing else we need.

• 1:43:37Stavros Halkias?

  For the next four months when it's some other thing. Yeah, follow Amy, she's very funny. And Eldis, I said something short and quick, I guess this counts, go ahead.

• 1:43:46Speaker 03

  This quick, this is an update from a recent call.

• 1:43:49Stavros Halkias?

  Great.

• 1:43:50Speaker 07

  Hello again, I called in about the getting married in your 30s timeline and I was on my way home from work listening to the podcast because I do watch every single episode. I am the fan and no, this is not our waiting for our election results, although that was very.

• 1:44:10Stavros Halkias?

  On the Colin episode.

• 1:44:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:44:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:44:13Speaker 03

  She called in and basically asked, how long should some, how long should a couple in their 30s date before they need to start thinking about moving in, getting married?

• 1:44:21Stavros Halkias?

  And I accused her of using me as a way to prove it to her idiot boyfriend who loves the podcast. I accused her of not being the fan and I am sorry and we are trying to get more women under the big tent of Stavi's world.

• 1:44:34Speaker 04

  Happy to help.

• 1:44:34Stavros Halkias?

  So, yes, sorry, you know, but it would have been a funny scenario, but anyway, good, I'm glad.

• 1:44:41Speaker 07

  Election results, although that was very funny.

• 1:44:43Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 1:44:44Speaker 07

  But I wanted to call back and say that the reason for the call was I had a back and forth with a girlfriend of mine and I love the idea that you should wait and take your time to know that it's the right person.

• 1:45:01Stavros Halkias?

  Good.

• 1:45:01Speaker 07

  And she's of the mind of no, no, no, now, or, you know, F off. So I was like, all right, it's time to call in to Stavi and get his advice. You're not emotionally immature.

• 1:45:13Speaker 04

  Not anymore.

• 1:45:14Speaker 07

  I don't believe, but anyway, no, I am a fan, I love the show.

• 1:45:17Speaker 04

  Hard work.

• 1:45:18Speaker 07

  My instinct is another doesn't even, that was unnecessary to say he doesn't want to. This is getting quite long, but um yeah. Thanks for answering the question. Have a good one. Bye, guys.

• 1:45:30Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, cool. So we, I apologize for be having a pretty gendered answer there and accusing you of wanting to get married to whatever, I guess, not dumbass that's not a fan of Stavi's World that you're that you're dating. But yeah, I probably, we probably, me and you are lovely caller, probably on the same page of like, wait to know us right, instead of being like, having to hit certain milestones.

• 1:45:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, who's this friend that's like, just do it now, do it right away?

• 1:45:59Stavros Halkias?

  Probably somebody.

• 1:46:00Speaker 04

  She doesn't seem well.

• 1:46:01Stavros Halkias?

  She's projecting. She's probably in a relationship that she's not happy with. And that's again, now I'm projecting. And so, but yes, that's a good update. I'm sorry I accused you of using me to force your dumb boyfriend into marrying you. We love that you're a fan. Keep calling. We're here to counsel you forever. That's gonna do it for Stavi's World here with Amy, one of our Los Angeles edition episodes. And thanks for listening, guys. Thanks for being on the show.

• 1:46:33Speaker 04

  Thank you. This was so fun.

• 1:46:34Stavros Halkias?

  And we will talk to you guys next time. Bye bye.

• 1:46:49Speaker 01

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