Brad Williams’ Little Problem With Snow White | Your Mom's House Ep. 807

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: To claim your Double your Roses offer, go to http://1800Flowers.com/YMH. Shop data plans at https://mintmobile.com/mom. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/momshouse Pull your jeans all the way up over your head because Tom Segura and Christina P are back for another week of Your Mom's House Podcast! Tom wants to have some fun and so does the guy in the opening clip. The Main Mommies also talk about a local news station tweeting a slur, neck veins, broads in space, influencers with down syndrome, and then share some more of "Enny's Thoughts." We then welcome comedian Brad Williams into the MommyDome! Tom and Christina talk to him about dwarf fetishes, a new slur for tall people, Tiptoes, and Brad's thoughts on the new Snow White movie out in theaters. They also talk about the "Allah" of LP's, short people jokes, the challenge of following Brad's act, and bringing back shame in commonplace society. They also check out some horrible or hilarious clips and Toks! Try it out. Your Mom’s House Ep. 807 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:10 - Opening Clip: Let's Have Fun 00:08:35 - Clip: Farting Baddie 00:10:52 - Clip: 8 Head 00:12:23 - Big Word Blunder 00:19:17 - Clip: YMH Muppets 00:22:03 - Low-IQ Adults & Downs Influencers 00:25:29 - More Of Enny's Inner Thoughts 00:30:56 - Clip: Baseball Sock 00:37:55 - Clip: Neck Veins 00:39:42 - Broads In Space 00:42:28 - Nobody Can Follow Brad Williams 00:49:13 - Little Person Jokes 00:58:21 - Snow White & Tiptoes 01:05:55 - Try It Out 01:09:18 - A Christina P Thought & Ivanka Trump 01:18:29 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:25:51 - TikToks 01:34:08 - Shame 01:40:36 - Wrap Up 01:41:47 - Closing Song - "RubRub Song" by DJ BOY BUTTER Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Segura?

  Alaska, Idaho and Montana. Get ready, my Come Together Tour is coming your way this week. Thursday, April 24th, I'll be at the Sullivan Arena in Anchorage, Alaska. Saturday, April 26th, I'll be at Idaho Falls at the Mountain America Center. And then Sunday, April 27th, I'll see you at First Interstate Arena at Metro Park in Billings, Montana. Get tickets now at tomstagger.com/tour. Thank you.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 0:35Tom Segura?

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• 1:17Tom Segura?

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• 1:52Speaker 02

  Like this, you know what I'm saying? My momma.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  You don't say it, you say it.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Flyin'. Flyin' that same French excellence.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying, like?

• 2:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's the mayor, you know what I'm saying?

• 2:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he wants to be the mayor. Here we go.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying?

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Like this, you know what I'm saying?

• 2:24Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying?

• 2:29Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying, like?

• 2:35Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying?

• 2:40Speaker 02

  Like this, you know what I'm saying?

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Do anyone understand that?

• 2:46Tom Segura?

  There you go.

• 2:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do anyone understand?

• 2:49Tom Segura?

  Ghost Crew, you know what I'm saying?

• 2:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, Ghost Crew.

• 2:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they always gave us bangers, man.

• 2:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I liked them. That was Dennis Rodman at the end.

• 2:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Some of those voices we haven't heard in a minute.

• 2:59Tom Segura?

  Dennis, does he, where's his stuff? Is he in?

• 3:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  He went to Korea, to North Korea, to, remember?

• 3:11Speaker 01

  What, what, what, what's this?

• 3:13Tom Segura?

  He was so drunk.

• 3:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was hammered.

• 3:21Tom Segura?

  And they had like some guys with him who were so put together and they were like, "Well, um, Dennis has his own challenges. He means well." They were like, "This guy's fucking out of his mind."

• 3:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, because he went to North Korea to play basketball.

• 3:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and for Kim Jong, Kim Jong-un loves NBA basketball. So they went there on like a humanitarian trip. And I think they, they were all retired former players and they played like the North Korean national team. And I believe they lost.

• 3:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 3:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, but everyone was kind of like, "Yeah, it's fine. Go ahead and lose."

• 3:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:54Tom Segura?

  Like, don't, don't embarrass them.

• 3:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  He was so unhinged. Remember that time when he did karaoke? And he was just like ripped.

• 4:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he was ripped that whole trip. Yeah, he was ripped.

• 4:09Tom Segura?

  Little Trump, that's a little Trump, man.

• 4:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 4:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  We run the industry now.

• 4:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  We run the industry now. God, there's, there's so much that we've cultivated for this episode. There's something I'm excited to show you, there's things you're excited to show me.

• 4:25Tom Segura?

  You keep saying like, you can't, you're like, you've never, you're never, you don't usually come in and go like, "I can't wait to show you this thing."

• 4:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta tell you, I've sent this to my group chat of girlfriends that are down for this, okay, that are like down for these clips.

• 4:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Half of them tapped out.

• 4:39Tom Segura?

  Tapped out of this clip?

• 4:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're just like, "I can't even watch it, dude, it's so..." You know Sarah, my fa- my, she loves these things. Sarah introduced me to Gigi Allen when we were 18 years old.

• 4:49Tom Segura?

  And she saw this clip?

• 4:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  She was like, "Wow, like this is intense." I made it all the way through, but even watching it all the way through.

• 4:56Tom Segura?

  God damn, okay.

• 4:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 4:57Tom Segura?

  All right, well, we'll get to it.

• 4:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe just for women, I don't know.

• 4:59Tom Segura?

  We'll get to it.

• 5:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:01Tom Segura?

  I'm going to, uh, this is not the clip.

• 5:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, here we go, I'm scared.

• 5:06Tom Segura?

  No, no, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna play our opening clip, but we'll get to your, your exciting clip soon, okay?

• 5:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right, I mean...

• 5:12Tom Segura?

  All right, hold on a second now, hold on a second now, all right, and here's your open, here you go.

• 5:19Speaker 04

  I don't wanna fuck, so if any girl wants to get down, party, smoke weed tonight, and fuck my brains out, and I goddamn mean it?

• 5:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  Then torture my promoter, he'll give you his cell phone number.

• 5:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Promoter!

• 5:30Speaker 04

  Make sure you say you're from Long Island, preferably Southern County, and let's have fun, let's have the time of our lives.

• 5:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck yeah, dude.

• 5:38Tom Segura?

  That's pretty cool.

• 5:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:48Tom Segura?

  This guy's down, man, he's really, he's fired up.

• 5:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's fired, there's no other way to be.

• 6:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 6:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm such a fucking retard.

• 6:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow. Oh, that was a good one.

• 6:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 6:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love, I love this guy so much.

• 6:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, the bagel guy.

• 6:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck, yeah, that's right.

• 6:35Tom Segura?

  If he reminds you of anybody, it's because, um, a few years back, this guy was the five-foot-tall dude who lost his shit in a bagel store for being made fun of for his height.

• 6:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 6:47Tom Segura?

  And it went viral. He became, I guess that's why he has a promoter. So, um, I like that he's like, "You wanna fuck? Hit up my promoter. Tell him you're from Suffolk County, preferably."

• 6:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why Suffolk County?

• 6:59Tom Segura?

  "And let's get high and let's fuck."

• 7:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. But was it just this proximity because the girl's closer?

• 7:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I guess he's on, he's like, "I don't want someone to hit me up that's far from here."

• 7:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like the next town over?

• 7:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 7:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing.

• 7:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, like, uh, the bagel shop, I don't know if I can bring this in. If you're great women, why is that okay?

• 7:16Speaker 04

  Why is it okay for women to say, "Oh, you're five feet on dating sites? You should be dead. That's okay?" Who said that to you here? Nobody. Women in general have said it on dating sites. You think I'm making that shit up? Everywhere I go, I get the same smirk with a biting lip.

• 7:34Speaker 04

  Shut your mouth. You're not God or my father or my boss.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  Dude, wanna step outside? You wanna step outside, huh? I'm not standing out.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  You shut up, dude.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Go ahead and attack, you bitch.

• 7:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, shit.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 7:55Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit.

• 7:58Tom Segura?

  It was like, "I just went to Vega."

• 7:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:00Speaker 04

  And the guy re-punched my side. You have to be, that's okay? Get your food in there. What happened? What, what happened? Get your food in there. You know what?

• 8:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  East Coasters hit it different, man.

• 8:16Tom Segura?

  So that guy is the same guy.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Don't wanna fuck.

• 8:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh, I believe it.

• 8:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 8:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he's back in the zeitgeist.

• 8:27Tom Segura?

  Hit up his promoter.

• 8:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's exciting. Promoter. What do you think he does?

• 8:30Tom Segura?

  I think he probably should have just been like, hit me up.

• 8:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, not don't go.

• 8:34Tom Segura?

  I don't know if we need a middleman.

• 8:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Through the promoter.

• 8:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. You know what I love about East Coasters?

• 8:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is the women watching this are laughing.

• 8:42Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 8:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's how hardcore East Coasters are in general. She's like, heh heh heh.

• 8:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  If that would happen in California or Texas, women would be like, oh, my God.

• 8:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're so much tougher than us over there.

• 8:53Tom Segura?

  They're used to more chaos.

• 8:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah, that New York City chaos.

• 8:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Long Island chaos. Well, he looks a little inebriated.

• 9:01Tom Segura?

  It was crazy that, though, in that, I forgot that in the bagel shop, this other guy attacked him, like jumped on him.

• 9:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I forgot that bit, too. I forgot that. Do you think that guy was talking shit about him being small?

• 9:11Tom Segura?

  Probably. I think they were, they were talking shit about how angry he was in general, and everyone was like, just get your fucking bagel.

• 9:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Tom Segura?

  And he brought up, like, obviously, like, real things, like, I get made fun of, and people are always snickering and saying these things about me. And then he got in people's faces, and one of them was like, I'll fucking take you down, bro.

• 9:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn.

• 9:32Tom Segura?

  Pretty crazy.

• 9:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I hope he got laid this night. I like him.

• 9:35Tom Segura?

  Uh, there's definitely a girl out there for him somewhere. I know there is.

• 9:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, this is the easiest money you can make.

• 9:46Tom Segura?

  That sounds like a goddamn engine starting.

• 9:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's not.

• 9:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not real. I know my farts.

• 9:54Tom Segura?

  That sounds like an AMG engine.

• 9:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not real.

• 9:56Tom Segura?

  Listen to the way an AMG starts. It's very similar.

• 10:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's not real.

• 10:02Tom Segura?

  You don't think that's real?

• 10:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 10:03Tom Segura?

  These are just sound effects?

• 10:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You know why?

• 10:05Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 10:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's not pushing. Those sounds. Look, you're talking to the fart master.

• 10:10Tom Segura?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 10:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know I am.

• 10:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 10:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I see. There's no push. There's no.

• 10:15Tom Segura?

  She doesn't seem to be pushing hard, but maybe she's just got a talent.

• 10:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  For a girl? No. This is a, even dudes, you'll see them, huh. Yeah, you bear down. There's no bearing down. I'm gonna call bullshit on this.

• 10:26Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 10:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I said it. I'm a fart expert.

• 10:30Tom Segura?

  We would love to hear from you. Um, this is Mila. Um, the Instagram is thefart. World official, she's one of the fart models there.

• 10:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Proven.

• 10:39Tom Segura?

  Mila's part of Fart World, which is an OnlyFans account with over a hundred and fifty models on their channel. Fart World changes fourteen, charges fourteen ninety-five a month to watch all the models fart.

• 10:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's great.

• 10:51Tom Segura?

  Uh, we would, we are challenging whether or not these are authentic farts to, uh, everybody at the Fart World official.

• 10:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:58Tom Segura?

  And to Mila, you're being doubted. I don't know if there's any way you could prove that you're actually farting like that.

• 11:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, come to Texas, Mila. Come sit on our couch and you can fart like that with no pushing, no bearing down.

• 11:08Tom Segura?

  You will sit on Annie's lap and you will fart and, and, uh, we'll just see how it goes.

• 11:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's see it. Bring one of these models here.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  It's ten in the morning.

• 11:15Tom Segura?

  Come on, man.

• 11:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  By the way, fourteen ninety-five a month.

• 11:21Tom Segura?

  To watch all these models fart?

• 11:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Models. A hundred and, a hundred and fifty models. I mean, they're making a great living. How many subscribers do they have?

• 11:31Tom Segura?

  Well, that's what we don't know.

• 11:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  We don't know.

• 11:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  We don't know the math. I gotta tell you.

• 11:34Tom Segura?

  They're not doing this for free. I'll tell you that.

• 11:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gotta tell you, if things got desperate for me, this is the first place I would head.

• 11:41Tom Segura?

  You would go to Fart World?

• 11:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Feet, farts, uh, what else? Selling used underwear.

• 11:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Used gym clothes. Easy money.

• 11:50Tom Segura?

  Easy money.

• 11:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Easy money.

• 11:52Tom Segura?

  Easy money.

• 12:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like this.

• 12:03Tom Segura?

  You don't like this?

• 12:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like, yeah, I don't like him. I don't like it.

• 12:06Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 12:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  He looks sick.

• 12:09Tom Segura?

  Oh, he's fine.

• 12:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doesn't look normal.

• 12:11Tom Segura?

  He's normal.

• 12:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like this clip. What is this?

• 12:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is upsetting. I don't like this. This reminds me of my cousin Chuba in Hungary, who's touched. Like, this is something Chuba would probably do.

• 12:28Tom Segura?

  Chuba rides his bike, right?

• 12:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  About that age now. Or yeah, he looks for aliens around Budapest on his bicycle.

• 12:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah. This guy is probably doing a similar thing.

• 12:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like it. I don't like that he's just, his arms are too thin.

• 12:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like the rocking. I don't like the fan.

• 12:42Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 12:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like any fucking, I don't like, there's a hole in the wall, like, right, Annie? I feel like Annie fucking hates it too.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, the hole in the wall is definitely my first, like, what is going on with this man? I'm, I'm a little scared for him, but you know what? He should get his. You know that?

• 12:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Exactly.

• 12:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  He should get his.

• 12:59Tom Segura?

  I support him.

• 13:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You mean like make a living on, oh, I see what you're saying.

• 13:04Tom Segura?

  You don't want to join his OnlyFans?

• 13:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Slang, I don't understand that.

• 13:06Tom Segura?

  You don't want to pay, you don't want to pay the, oh, his black slang?

• 13:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's gonna get his. I thought you were meaning like he's gonna get beaten.

• 13:13Tom Segura?

  No.

• 13:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's, it used to be that's what the mafia, you're gonna get yours.

• 13:16Tom Segura?

  No, he's just, okay.

• 13:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now it's.

• 13:18Tom Segura?

  All right, whatever, man.

• 13:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, there's so much to go through. I can't believe you're wasting time on this.

• 13:23Tom Segura?

  Okay, um, well, a fun transition is, uh, KTLA. Did you see what KTLA put out?

• 13:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, show me.

• 13:30Tom Segura?

  KTLA, which was your local news for most of your life.

• 13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  My whole childhood.

• 13:34Tom Segura?

  Um, they just, uh, a couple of days ago, just, uh, out of nowhere, sent out a tweet.

• 13:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 13:40Tom Segura?

  And you know what the tweet said?

• 13:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. I gotta start following the KTLA news team.

• 13:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you gotta start following them.

• 13:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I've been on this channel, Channel 5.

• 13:49Tom Segura?

  They just tweeted out the N-word.

• 13:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah.

• 13:54Tom Segura?

  Yep. That's it.

• 13:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just that?

• 13:57Tom Segura?

  Just that.

• 13:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just N-word, N-word's plural, it looks like. Can I see that bigger, please? I'm, I'm trying to, let's see. Hilarious.

• 14:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 14:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just that.

• 14:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 14:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 14:11Tom Segura?

  They just put that out and they called it a technical error.

• 14:19Tom Segura?

  They accidentally posted the N-word from a news. A news station was just like, here's our thought today.

• 14:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 14:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and that's all that it was. And then they had to follow up and just said, we experienced a technical error while adding language filters.

• 14:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 14:42Tom Segura?

  To our,

• 14:45Tom Segura?

  what is it? To our social media accounts resulting in an offensive word being accidentally shared. We are appalled and apologize that this occurred. Feels like somebody just tweeted it. But not that they're like, oh, we were updating our filters and then this happened.

• 15:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 15:05Tom Segura?

  But, um, yeah.

• 15:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody at KTLA is not a fan.

• 15:08Tom Segura?

  So they meant to add the N word to its list of muted words, but accidentally posted it instead.

• 15:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I buy that story.

• 15:16Tom Segura?

  Like, here's something we shouldn't say, let's just post it to our several hundred thousand followers.

• 15:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. Could you imagine seeing that tweet? You're like, what is going on? KTLA?

• 15:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  N words.

• 15:29Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 15:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jeez.

• 15:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jeez. Amazing. Amazing. I love KTLA, right? Josh, don't you feel a sense of like, that's my shit? That's our channel. Guys.

• 15:39Tom Segura?

  KTLA is great, but KTLA, you can't just tweet the N word.

• 15:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can't just tweet the N word.

• 15:42Tom Segura?

  You just can't do it.

• 15:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're a mess.

• 15:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Moms deserve the absolute best, especially on Mother's Day. And when it comes to flowers, there's only one place I trust to get it right every time, 1-800-FLOWERS.COM. Every year I order from 1-800-FLOWERS.COM and my mother-in-law is always blown away. The roses are stunning, the service is always on point, because when it comes to celebrating the most important women in our lives, nothing less than Perfect Will do. I mean it. Every time I have used 1-800-FLOWERS.COM, I have never been disappointed. The blooms are so fresh and the delivery is so impeccable. This year, I'm teaming up with 1-800-FLOWERS.COM

• 16:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  to make Mother's Day even sweeter. Right now, when you order one dozen roses, they'll double it to two dozen for free. Twice the beauty, twice the love, all at no extra cost. So don't wait. Show mom just how much she means to you with a gift that says it all. Go to 1-800-FLOWERS.COM today and give moms their flowers. Trust me, they always deliver. Bouquets are selling fast, so lock in your order today. To claim your double your roses offer, go to 1-800-FLOWERS.COM/YMH. That's 1-800-FLOWERS.COM/YMH. Do you say data or data? At my house, we say data. And for the longest time, I thought paying a fortune on my monthly data plan was just normal.

• 17:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was until I found out about Mint Mobile and their premium wireless plans that start at just 15 bucks a month. We use it here. We love Mint Mobile. It saved us a ton of cash. Say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you. All plans come with high-speed data or data, your choice, and unlimited talk and text, delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. No matter how you say it, don't overpay for it.

• 17:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shop data plans at mintmobile.com/mom. That's mintmobile.com/mom. Upfront payments of $45 for three-month 5GB plan required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full-price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Could you imagine being the person that did that? Maybe they wanted to do that. Maybe they didn't mean to do that. Hoping they didn't mean to.

• 18:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're like,

• 18:38Tom Segura?

  You can't do that, man.

• 18:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can't do that.

• 18:39Tom Segura?

  You can't do it.

• 18:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, you're the one that did it and you're like, you go to your best friend at the KTLA job.

• 18:45Tom Segura?

  Guess what?

• 18:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jesus fucking Christ, Tom. I fucked up so bad, dude. I deleted it right away, but do you think they saw it?

• 18:51Tom Segura?

  So he saw what? He'd be like, wait, you couldn't have done something that bad.

• 18:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was just fucking joking around. Kevin and I were fucking around and I fucking accidentally tweeted it.

• 18:59Tom Segura?

  Tweeted what?

• 19:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know who did the N-word? I've heard of fucking

• 19:01Tom Segura?

  You tweeted the N-word?

• 19:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I did. I didn't think it would fucking go off though, dude. I deleted it.

• 19:05Tom Segura?

  It's definitely your last day here, bro.

• 19:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck. I'm so fucked.

• 19:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you definitely gotta pack up.

• 19:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you something? I'm stupid enough to do something like this, like as a joke to be like, dude, what's the worst thing I could fucking tweet? Here it is, bro. And then it sends and then my life is over.

• 19:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that would definitely be.

• 19:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would fucking do that. I know. I don't know if I would do N-word though. I might do something funnier, like more LA-specific.

• 19:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like Mexican stuff, maybe, you know?

• 19:28Tom Segura?

  Cholo stuff?

• 19:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 19:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well.

• 19:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn.

• 19:33Tom Segura?

  That definitely got everybody on the social media team into a meeting that day. For sure. They're like, everybody go to the conference room real quick. We have something we need to discuss.

• 19:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I know it wasn't that light because it's LA. Like, they got into a, like, it was heavy. It was like the HR had to come out and talk to everybody about their feelings and counsel people. And you know what I'm saying?

• 19:54Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 19:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was heavy. I bet you it was heavy. Okay. Good segue. Mother's Day just around the corner.

• 20:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get mom my lipstick. The perfect four is the perfect gift. You can't decide what shade to get her. Get her all four. She's gonna love every single one of them. ChristinaP.com. Get it now in time because Mother's Day is May 11.

• 20:13Tom Segura?

  And Madison.

• 20:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm. I'm wearing Madison today.

• 20:18Tom Segura?

  Um, yeah, check this out.

• 20:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Watch this shit.

• 20:20Tom Segura?

  Watch this bullshit. Uh, Scott Welsh, he did a Muppet style spinoff where he takes like podcast clips and he posts them. He put, he put this one out the other day.

• 20:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Speaking of not being fat.

• 20:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm back on the Ozempics.

• 20:34Tom Segura?

  Get out of here.

• 20:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they upped my dose because I was eating right through it like a pig the last time I did it. And now I want to die. It's so gross. Like, I feel so sick all the time, but I'm looking thinner already.

• 20:44Tom Segura?

  You look great.

• 20:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:46Tom Segura?

  The main thing is that you're getting all the benefits of an eating disorder.

• 20:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 20:50Tom Segura?

  You know, without all the health complications. It's good.

• 20:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  He even got the cool guys behind us.

• 20:57Tom Segura?

  That's pretty awesome.

• 20:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is amazing.

• 20:59Tom Segura?

  Way to go, Scott. Thanks so much for doing that.

• 21:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you. I love this.

• 21:02Tom Segura?

  And also, we love the Muppets.

• 21:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  So much. I miss that show. I wish they'd bring that one back.

• 21:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  But Jim Henson's dead. It's not gonna work. That guy was the magic with that show.

• 21:11Tom Segura?

  He was the magic. Sometimes you can't duplicate it.

• 21:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cannot. He was the right blend of heart and comedy and pot. And, you know, it was the 70s.

• 21:21Tom Segura?

  You gotta bring weed back into the system. Yeah.

• 21:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so. I think the drugs are bad and that's why music and creative stuff sucks so fucking hard right now.

• 21:28Tom Segura?

  Well, yeah, you don't want to, you don't need the fucking, people are too hardcore. Fentanyl and shit.

• 21:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:34Tom Segura?

  You just need some good weed, man.

• 21:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just some weed, maybe some good ecstasy or Molly is what the kids are taking now.

• 21:40Tom Segura?

  Sure. Yeah.

• 21:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. Cigarettes are nice, too. Just smoke real cigarettes. Why are you vaping? Stop vaping. It looks so fucking gay.

• 21:49Tom Segura?

  There you go. Stop looking gay.

• 21:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Vaping is for fucking, it's for children, you know?

• 21:54Tom Segura?

  Smoke like an adult.

• 21:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 21:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you're gonna go, go hard.

• 21:58Tom Segura?

  It was so fun. The other day, we were talking about babies with the boys.

• 22:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:02Tom Segura?

  And they were like, why do you give a baby? I go, well, babies love spicy sausage. So you gotta, if you ever have a baby, you give them real spicy sausages. And then you give them cigarettes and tequila.

• 22:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 22:13Tom Segura?

  And they were laughing so hard. They're like, to a baby? I was like, yeah, man. Babies love to smoke, drink, and eat spicy foods. And they were like, ahh.

• 22:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so fun giving them misinformation lately, because now they're at the age where they can pick up on it.

• 22:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they know. They know. They're like putting it together. They're like, but when the baby gets sick? And I was like, no, man, not if they-

• 22:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  So much fun.

• 22:35Tom Segura?

  Trying to make a baby strong, you make a baby smoke.

• 22:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  So fun, so fun. Yeah, we went to Three Forks Restaurant today. And we were like, yeah, they give you three forks, and if you don't use all three of them, you have to spend the night at the restaurant.

• 22:46Tom Segura?

  Spend the night at the restaurant? And they're like, is that true? And I go, yeah.

• 22:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course it's true, you idiot.

• 22:51Tom Segura?

  Do you fucking sleep there to use your third fork?

• 22:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta use all three, dummy. By the way, I took them to see Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, the musical.

• 23:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was so good. They did such a great job. I'm a huge fan of Mo Willems' books. We love them at the house.

• 23:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I've been noticing a lot of low IQ adults at like, children's things lately? Like, I look for them now.

• 23:13Tom Segura?

  Uh huh.

• 23:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'm like, why are you here? You don't have a kid with you, weirdo.

• 23:17Tom Segura?

  That's definitely weird, and it definitely brings about, uh, it's a great segue.

• 23:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I definitely think they are low IQ adults.

• 23:27Tom Segura?

  There are some out there, yeah.

• 23:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That a normal person-

• 23:30Tom Segura?

  Checking out just children's entertainment?

• 23:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't get it. And I also think that parents are too involved with the kids on the playground. Let them just frickin' work it out. Work it out. Let them work it out. You don't need to watch everything.

• 23:42Tom Segura?

  The LA Times put out an article that they discovered that fake Down Syndrome influencers are being created with AI, are being used to promote OnlyFans content.

• 23:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a wonderful word.

• 23:54Tom Segura?

  Isn't this insane?

• 23:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, I've been waiting for this.

• 23:56Tom Segura?

  We were talking about, like, what's going on? Like, how are all these Downs people just being like, you wanna fuck? So.

• 24:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so great.

• 24:03Tom Segura?

  Here's what it says. A disturbing trend has emerged in which artificial intelligence is being used to create fake Instagram influencers with Down syndrome to promote adult content. According to a report from 404 Media, this practice often involves stealing content from real creators and replacing their faces with AI-generated ones. These fabricated personas are then used to sell explicit content, exploiting the fetishization of disabilities.

• 24:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Weird.

• 24:29Tom Segura?

  One of the most notable AI-generated influencers is at Maria Dopari. Can you pull up hers? Is her Instagram still there?

• 24:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Huh.

• 24:40Tom Segura?

  Oh. Let's see.

• 24:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Instagram got wise.

• 24:46Tom Segura?

  Did it take hers down?

• 24:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Better not.

• 24:48Tom Segura?

  Nope.

• 24:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's got great cans. It's the big titted ones.

• 24:52Tom Segura?

  So it's not. Oh, it's not. It is down. It is down. So she got, I mean, the LA Times article. This was her. This was her.

• 25:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 25:01Tom Segura?

  These are kind of typically recycled content using, reusing videos, bios, and linking to the same adult content platform. While many of the AI-generated faces appear convincing at first glance, subtle distortions and inconsistencies often reveal their artificial nature. And then it says, some of these AI personas explicitly reference their appearance in relation to adult content, even using phrases like "only down" as part of their marketing.

• 25:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey.

• 25:27Tom Segura?

  So these are.

• 25:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing.

• 25:29Tom Segura?

  So that's the answer to this. When we were like, what's going on?

• 25:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 25:32Tom Segura?

  With Downs' adult content? It's AI-generated.

• 25:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  But thank God, AI. But this is how technology always spurs forward. It's used in pornography. It is.

• 25:44Tom Segura?

  Pornography always goes, we'll try it.

• 25:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always. Also, this is Victoria's Secret fault, remember? Victoria's Secret was the first to fetishize the Down syndrome model.

• 25:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we called it out fucking two, three years ago, like, hey, guys, is it really a cool idea?

• 26:00Tom Segura?

  It really was kind of strange.

• 26:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  To essentially make somebody who may not be intellectually capable of choosing this career, that aware of the repercussions of being sexualized.

• 26:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, thanks Victoria's Secret, you fucking dibshits. And this created a whole lane of guys jing their D.

• 26:18Tom Segura?

  To girls with downs.

• 26:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  To Down's Syndrome, girls. Good, good. See? Children, essentially, uh, intellectual children.

• 26:25Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 26:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not fair. I, I, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know!

• 26:29Tom Segura?

  Well, this is a perfect white chance to segue into one of Annie's inner thoughts.

• 26:34Speaker 05

  Stop letting your hoes play with you. When you got some super fine shit or baddie, some super ultra-fine shit, I don't be going hella places with that hoe. I go only where I have to go with her. I'm not gonna be sitting here watching dude stare at her ass and, and, and drool all over her and shit and flirt with her in my face and disrespect me and shit. Run her validation up and put that bitch on a pedestal. I'm like, fuck that. She be like, oh, you wanna run over here with me? No, go by yourself. I'll be here waiting, cause you know the hour gonna come back. Oh, this dude hit on me and this many guys was looking at me and staring at me and this shit. Bitch, stop the fuck. Who gives two shits about what they, all that bullshit? Come on, run that throat.

• 27:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 27:11Speaker 05

  Be my throat goat.

• 27:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Throat goat.

• 27:14Tom Segura?

  Fuck yeah.

• 27:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this how you feel, like, when we go out?

• 27:16Tom Segura?

  Hell yeah.

• 27:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, fuckin'.

• 27:17Tom Segura?

  Bitch, don't even look at me.

• 27:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Compliment that bitch?

• 27:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you think, Annie?

• 27:22Tom Segura?

  Uh, this dude sound like he used to be a player. That's what this sounds like. It's giving me the energy that he was a player when he was like 18. And then the nigga went broke, lost all his teeth, started fucking talking shit to everybody. Nobody likes him. And he's just like, man bitch, I ain't doing nothing for you. Like, yeah, that's because no bitch wants you no more. That's, that's why. He's still pretty.

• 27:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 27:40Tom Segura?

  I, I hear what you're saying.

• 27:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a great assessment, Annie.

• 27:42Tom Segura?

  I would say, though, I've watched, uh, all of his content. And, uh, I, he definitely purports to be still active in the player realm.

• 27:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because he's getting stragglers, right? Outliers. Scraps.

• 27:53Tom Segura?

  He ain't getting any good no more.

• 27:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 27:55Tom Segura?

  Well.

• 27:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think Annie's spot on. This guy's seeing some financial hardships. His game isn't as big as it used to be. I agree. I see the decline.

• 28:04Tom Segura?

  Still has a lot of wisdom. A lot of wisdom to share, okay?

• 28:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's an elder. You gotta listen to him.

• 28:08Speaker 05

  Stop it. Just fucking stop it. Stop fucking girls who neck and head and throat is not on the motherfucking menu. That shit's supposed to be on the motherfucking menu, twin, my boy, my G, my guy, folks, family, teammate.

• 28:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it.

• 28:23Speaker 05

  Blood, blood, cuz.

• 28:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cuz.

• 28:25Speaker 05

  Bruh, bro, that shit's supposed to be on the motherfucking menu.

• 28:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 28:29Speaker 05

  Bitch be like, oh, I do this, and I do a little bit of this, and I do some of that, but I won't do that. Bitch, it's all on the motherfucking menu. The menu, ho, nobody above the motherfucking program. That shit is part of the program. That's part of my motherfucking program. Nobody's above the program, not even me. Get with the motherfucking program, bitch. Where the throw, run the motherfucking throw, ho.

• 28:52Tom Segura?

  So, it's a really interesting point that he's making, though.

• 28:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not sure I understand it.

• 28:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so what he's saying is, like, some girls are saying specifically, like, oh, I don't give head.

• 29:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 29:02Tom Segura?

  Right? And he's saying, no, bitch, it's all on the menu. The menu is the menu, meaning you do do it all. Don't give me this shit, I only do this and that.

• 29:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 29:11Tom Segura?

  If I want this, this is what you're doing.

• 29:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:14Tom Segura?

  If you're not participating in this section of the menu, then you're fucking full of shit. Get out of here.

• 29:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:21Tom Segura?

  So, you do give head.

• 29:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:23Tom Segura?

  Period.

• 29:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it. When I was young, I used to dream of being anything, a doctor, the president, a scientist. But as you get older, your dreams change, focusing less on running the world and more on how you can take your skills and ideas to turn them into something real. Instead of dreaming of going to space or owning your own castle, maybe you start dreaming of owning your own business. You'll need a website, a payment system, a logo, and a way to advertise to new customers. It can all be overwhelming and confusing, but thankfully, this is where today's sponsor, Shopify, comes in. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US.

• 30:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  From household names like Mattel and Jimm Shark to brands that just are getting started, turn those dreams into.

• 30:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/moms house. Go to Shopify.com/moms house. Shopify.com/moms house.

• 30:34Tom Segura?

  Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall. Cigars International has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time. When you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day induced stress. As the industry leader, cigars international enhances these moments with unbeatable deals. So you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free everyday shipping, no codes, no minimums. You just buy the cigars and they show up. That's it. With cigars international's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to stock up.

• 31:17Tom Segura?

  And take advantage of what is arguably the best time of the year to be a cigar guy. Use code Y M H at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more. Or visit cigars international.com/ Y M H. And the discount applies automatically. Some exclusions apply.

• 31:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is he, but I would like to know, does he explicitly tell you the menu before you sign up?

• 31:40Tom Segura?

  No.

• 31:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or he kind of lets you know as you're going along.

• 31:42Tom Segura?

  No, he's just saying like, hey, if this is like, I want head. If your, if your point of view is that's not really something I'm into. He's like, get the fuck out of here. That's not, that's not an option to say that.

• 31:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, but see, but you know the bitch are gonna give you head before you even get there. So like, this is what I'm saying, homie fell off, homie fell off. I feel like he's got some broke nasty bitch in the back in his fucking bedroom right now. And then he just like literally went and recorded a video with her sleeping in the bed like, ah, fuck it. She won't suck my dick, man. Like, what the fuck? She's over there like, man, this nigga's crying again.

• 32:15Tom Segura?

  Homie lost his ways, man.

• 32:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love Annie's assessment.

• 32:19Tom Segura?

  I know, I do love his assessment, too, yeah.

• 32:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  He fucking, I feel like you, yeah, I think this.

• 32:24Tom Segura?

  The shades are an interesting choice for these videos.

• 32:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's doing some Matrix shit here.

• 32:27Tom Segura?

  I like seeing the ring light in them.

• 32:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He does it, he's gotta be lit, dude.

• 32:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's well lit.

• 32:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, at least he's the first cool guy we've had that's well lit.

• 32:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think we've ever seen that.

• 32:37Tom Segura?

  He prioritizes video quality and audio.

• 32:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And his looks, and he's, he looks good shirtless.

• 32:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, thank God.

• 32:46Tom Segura?

  He's not a mess.

• 32:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not a mess, there's no fan.

• 32:48Tom Segura?

  No?

• 32:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  But this is a new lane of cool guy.

• 32:51Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool.

• 32:53Tom Segura?

  It is pretty cool.

• 32:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, now will you please?

• 32:58Tom Segura?

  What do you want?

• 32:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  The clip.

• 32:59Tom Segura?

  Oh, the clip that you've been talking about, okay, here we go.

• 33:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Come on, hold on.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  I bought this sock from a baseball player, he wore it a full month.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  It's pretty filthy, as you can see.

• 33:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is usually where I tap out, oof.

• 33:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's so hard to watch.

• 33:46Tom Segura?

  The breathing is menacing.

• 33:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  So hard, it's so hard to get through, isn't it? It's so hard to watch this.

• 33:58Tom Segura?

  This is just on TikTok?

• 34:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, full disclosure, this was sent to me by a mom friend, I don't wanna say who, I don't know if she's okay with me sharing.

• 34:05Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 34:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm not sure.

• 34:06Tom Segura?

  I understand.

• 34:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  The source.

• 34:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it's a banger, am I right?

• 34:11Tom Segura?

  It's pretty cool.

• 34:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, what are you feeling right now, like, I wanna talk about?

• 34:14Tom Segura?

  Well, it'd be a lot easier to watch if it was a female's, you know?

• 34:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what, because it's gay, it kinda bothered you?

• 34:19Tom Segura?

  Nah, well, I guess, I don't know if this gay things bother me. It's just that I go like, oh, like, I always think of like, um. Like anytime I see a man's foot, period. Like even in flip flops, I'm just always like, ugh. Like I just have kind of disdain for men's feet. But I understand that like, he's gay, so there wouldn't be the same level of disdain. But I just, I can't, I can't dismiss my own disdain for a man's.

• 34:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Understood. Also, yes, and a man's level of filth.

• 34:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Over the course of one month playing baseball.

• 34:55Tom Segura?

  Is, look at those.

• 34:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's crusty. It is brown. There's dust. So when he breathes and he coughs, it's because the dust.

• 35:04Tom Segura?

  The dust and probably, maybe some blood is in there too.

• 35:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Fungus, toe jam.

• 35:08Tom Segura?

  So much sweat.

• 35:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Athlete's foot. And this guy couldn't be harder.

• 35:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, this guy's in heaven. That part I under, I understand the like, how like sweet this is to him.

• 35:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:22Tom Segura?

  Like I get it on that level.

• 35:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 35:24Tom Segura?

  It's the source of it for me that I'm like, oof.

• 35:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a lot.

• 35:27Tom Segura?

  Like if this was a guy who was like, oh, I got this from a female volleyball player, even then I'd be like, it's different.

• 35:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Different, different. Hey, Josh, can you look up like, what's the going rate for a one month old baseball player sock? It's very specific.

• 35:43Tom Segura?

  He hit up somebody, yeah.

• 35:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  A fetish. Like this is very specific.

• 35:47Tom Segura?

  I don't think there's a going rate. I think this guy just hit somebody up and was like, hey, man, what would it take? And that guy was probably like, give me a grand or something, you know?

• 35:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  For a month's worth of work. But also put it in terms of like, the guy had to wear those socks every day for a month.

• 36:02Tom Segura?

  Which is also upsetting as the player.

• 36:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  For you.

• 36:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause now your foot's gonna be covered in filth.

• 36:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You never, like every time you put it on, you're like, this sock is, yeah.

• 36:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And like, everybody's noticing.

• 36:15Tom Segura?

  Help, pricing a sock sale. Okay. He wants me to wear socks and shoes 10 days in a row. Says he likes them very dirty. How much would you charge? I sell usually $10 per day.

• 36:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's it.

• 36:26Tom Segura?

  It might be underselling. I'm new in the foot market, but 10 days seems like it should be really expensive. I just came up, can't come up with a number that's fair to me. So this is somebody asking. Uh, 200 sounds reasonable.

• 36:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, for 10 days, more, more.

• 36:42Tom Segura?

  Okay, hold on. I think you need to take into consideration what brand you are wearing and what else is being provided with the sale.

• 36:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  True.

• 36:49Tom Segura?

  One of my friends does the socks fetish and her starting price for 24 hours to wear is $45.

• 36:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  There you go.

• 36:54Tom Segura?

  If you wear them, if you want them more and longer, then it's $10 a day. If she provides pictures or a clip, that's also extra. I think when it comes to used items, Reddit can gives you a false idea of what you can sell. I do the sneaker fetish and I wear, once I wear them, I wince. I wince every time I see someone try and sell their sneakers for $50.

• 37:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, that's not enough.

• 37:16Tom Segura?

  Well, it looks like there's a big debate going on, on what the price should be. But I understand that. How do you price it? That's a big deal.

• 37:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is a big deal. It is a big deal. And one month of wear on a baseball player? I hope that, did he, wait, did he say how much he paid for this?

• 37:31Tom Segura?

  No, I don't think he didn't.

• 37:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I would go $1,000, like you said, at least. That's a, that's a long game for the wearer.

• 37:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Every day to wear that crusty, nasty sock.

• 37:44Tom Segura?

  It's uncomfortable for you as the wearer.

• 37:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm saying. It's like.

• 37:46Tom Segura?

  That's really what you're paying for it. Like, you're like, alright, well.

• 37:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the funk.

• 37:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah. No, I'm saying you're being compensated for your own discomfort at that point. Yeah.

• 37:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. The amount of time it took to, to bake that thing.

• 37:59Tom Segura?

  Well, this was really cool. I appreciate.

• 38:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've been just like.

• 38:02Tom Segura?

  And your friends have been sharing this?

• 38:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, so this was sent to me by a friend and then I forwarded it to my group of really sick women friends that I've had since we were, you know, 13, 14, like my core group. And like I said, half of them tapped out. Shawna was like, nope, nope, not even gonna fucking watch this. Um, Sarah, Sarah, who's down, is like, I love, she's like, I'm, you know, I'm hurt. But.

• 38:27Tom Segura?

  It was hard for her.

• 38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That being said, please keep sending these.

• 38:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  She still appreciates.

• 38:31Tom Segura?

  She's hardcore.

• 38:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's very hardcore.

• 38:34Tom Segura?

  She really gets it.

• 38:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's the originator of this.

• 38:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:38Tom Segura?

  Really cool, man.

• 38:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 38:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, there's here's another.

• 38:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 38:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  History of the sock fetish.

• 38:43Tom Segura?

  The history of olfactophilia has been present for a considerable amount of time in years. The used socks fetish has been derived as a subset of this. In 94, a study was conducted which found that 45% of people with a foot fetish are interested in smelly socks. This shows that there is a common interest between olfactophilia and foot fetishism. Can you make money? Yes, how much? As mentioned above, socks can sell for $60 and more. Obviously depends on a few factors such as activities performed in them, duration, and wear of also material. There's a bunch of, yeah.

• 39:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's great. I mean, what a country, what a world.

• 39:18Tom Segura?

  It is an incredible country.

• 39:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's no reason to be poor, no reason to be broke.

• 39:22Tom Segura?

  You gotta, you gotta start selling this stuff.

• 39:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sniffer, that's perfect.

• 39:25Tom Segura?

  That's the site, wow.

• 39:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 39:27Tom Segura?

  It's a trusted marketplace, safe and anonymous.

• 39:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is awesome.

• 39:30Tom Segura?

  Over 1.5 million users and growing.

• 39:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jesus Christ, men.

• 39:34Tom Segura?

  Well, I think, um.

• 39:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Men.

• 39:37Tom Segura?

  Gentlemen, if you wouldn't mind, uh, setting up an account and, um, uh, maybe getting some, uh, stuff for us to explore what's going on in this, uh, space.

• 39:49Tom Segura?

  And, and have everything approved by me first. Send me, uh, what you're thinking of and then I'll

• 39:56Tom Segura?

  tell you whether or not to, uh, bid on it. All right, let's, and do that today, Jolo. Let's transition to another sex.

• 40:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You called him Cholo.

• 40:04Tom Segura?

  Cholo, yes.

• 40:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is up with you? You're gonna have a stroke.

• 40:08Tom Segura?

  Why am I gonna have a stroke?

• 40:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You keep mispronouncing words.

• 40:11Tom Segura?

  I was just so sexually aroused, I kinda just stuttered. Um, speaking of getting my dick hard.

• 40:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's happening? Are you shitting?

• 40:23Tom Segura?

  I'll show you those, those neck veins. Look at that. The traps and.

• 40:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like this at all. I hate it. I don't like this. I.

• 40:33Tom Segura?

  Well, we have different people that like different things here.

• 40:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It makes me hurt. I don't like it.

• 40:39Tom Segura?

  Those veins are awesome, man.

• 40:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like seeing people's veins.

• 40:46Tom Segura?

  She's so vascular.

• 40:50Tom Segura?

  You don't like that at all?

• 40:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope.

• 40:52Tom Segura?

  Well, it's a whole lane.

• 40:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like it. I don't like seeing people's veins. Does that mean you're dehydrated?

• 40:57Tom Segura?

  Muscle mama. She's 180 pounds, bodybuilding adult model. Yeah.

• 41:04Tom Segura?

  Neck vein lover. Isn't that crazy? That's a whole other lane.

• 41:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, guys are really cool.

• 41:10Tom Segura?

  Guys are cool.

• 41:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guys like everything and any- there's someone out there for you.

• 41:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh, I'm gonna puke. Okay, thank you.

• 41:18Tom Segura?

  To think that that's really- I never even thought of that.

• 41:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 41:21Tom Segura?

  Some people go, oh, neck veins are my, like-

• 41:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:24Tom Segura?

  This is just showing that neck vein.

• 41:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's very specific. I feel sick inside.

• 41:28Tom Segura?

  And that's making some guy J is D right now.

• 41:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get the sweat socks more than the veins, but-

• 41:34Tom Segura?

  So do I, but I'm just saying that this is obviously popular.

• 41:39Tom Segura?

  I like seeing that neck vein, baby.

• 41:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's so weird when people sexualize. Hey, did you hear Katy Perry went into outer space today?

• 41:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was like, I hope they fucking leave her there. I don't like her music. She's so annoying.

• 41:53Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 41:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You don't think she's the most annoying?

• 41:55Tom Segura?

  No!

• 41:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was like, bitch, stay in space.

• 41:57Tom Segura?

  That's- really?

• 41:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:59Tom Segura?

  I didn't feel like that at all.

• 42:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's super annoying.

• 42:02Tom Segura?

  How is she annoying?

• 42:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know. I've seen her host that show where they rate singers and stuff. She's just like obnoxious, like- Too much, you know what I mean?

• 42:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  She can't- she can't not be the center of attention all the time on that show.

• 42:15Tom Segura?

  So Gayle King, Lauren Sanchez-

• 42:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gayle can come back down. I like Gayle. Katy can stay in space.

• 42:20Tom Segura?

  What about Lauren?

• 42:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who's Lauren?

• 42:22Tom Segura?

  Jeff Bezos' sweetheart.

• 42:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I guess. I don't want him to suffer. He's already been divorced and he's in such good shape.

• 42:29Tom Segura?

  That's a factor?

• 42:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he worked hard.

• 42:32Tom Segura?

  There they are.

• 42:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:33Tom Segura?

  Those are the broads in space right now.

• 42:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you know what's so funny too is like, they made such a big deal that it's women.

• 42:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And they all had to ring a bell before they got on this.

• 42:42Tom Segura?

  And I like that they called it, uh, space crew.

• 42:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, they're not doing shit.

• 42:46Tom Segura?

  As opposed to passengers. They're just passengers.

• 42:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what are you doing? You're sitting there in a- in a-

• 42:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  A tight bodysuit and that- that's the accomplishment?

• 42:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You're just a passenger.

• 42:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's not. And you didn't build the spaceship. You're not an engineer.

• 42:59Tom Segura?

  No, of course not.

• 43:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You didn't do anything.

• 43:00Tom Segura?

  You're just gonna sit and go for a ride.

• 43:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's hilarious.

• 43:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I honestly think every time we point out people's.

• 43:06Tom Segura?

  I love that I saw a thing that.

• 43:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a woman. It makes it worse.

• 43:08Tom Segura?

  The Sanchez.

• 43:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:10Tom Segura?

  She's wearing, um, like, high heels.

• 43:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:13Tom Segura?

  And she had her zipper open for most of the promos for this. She's so about just looking hot.

• 43:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's an astronaut.

• 43:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's so, uh, it's so brutal. I don't know.

• 43:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, none of these, if these women were like scientists or physicists or something.

• 43:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're just like hot women in space. Is that what we're?

• 43:31Tom Segura?

  That's all they are, man.

• 43:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gayle King is probably the only one. I don't know the, I'm not familiar with everyone else, but she actually does stuff. Like, she's got a blade in her fucking.

• 43:38Tom Segura?

  I really like that this is a diverse group of women.

• 43:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me too.

• 43:41Tom Segura?

  Cause Lauren is Latin.

• 43:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:43Tom Segura?

  Katie's white. I see an Asian lady, two black ladies. It really, I'm just like, oh.

• 43:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me too. But you know what, Tom?

• 43:51Tom Segura?

  Thank God.

• 43:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  A little ableist. I don't see anybody.

• 43:53Tom Segura?

  I know. How come no one's in a chair or signing or anything?

• 43:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I'll bet you something else.

• 44:00Tom Segura?

  Then I'll be like, oh.

• 44:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'll bet you that spacecraft isn't even equipped for wheelchairs.

• 44:04Tom Segura?

  That's so fucking, yeah.

• 44:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Huh? What about neurodivergent? I don't see anybody with autism.

• 44:09Tom Segura?

  Nope. It's really fucked up.

• 44:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucked up.

• 44:11Tom Segura?

  It is fucked up, man.

• 44:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Women.

• 44:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Women supporting women.

• 44:17Tom Segura?

  Women supporting women. All right. Should we take a quick break?

• 44:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 44:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah? Take a quick break and we'll be right back. Sell your socks.

• 44:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sell your socks.

• 44:32Tom Segura?

  You can catch our next guest on the Growth Spurt Tour right now, or you can see his most recent special, Starfish, available on YouTube. Go to bradwilliamscomedy.com for tickets. It's Brad Williams, everybody.

• 44:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I made it. I landed on a plane like 10 minutes ago and now I'm here.

• 44:49Tom Segura?

  Hell, yeah.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Let's go. I'm not tired.

• 44:54Tom Segura?

  Thanks for coming in.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 44:55Tom Segura?

  Uh, congratulations. How many specials is that now for you? It feels like.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  Oh geez, uh, this will be, uh, one, two, three, uh, this is fourth one.

• 45:02Tom Segura?

  Fourth special.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then if you go, i- if you watch Starfish and then you go see. Ticket for me on tour this year, it's gonna be different material, it's not gonna be the same stuff, so.

• 45:10Tom Segura?

  People always ask that.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, I'm always shocked, cuz we're in it, we, we, we do comedy all the time, but, and I'm shocked with how great fans are, but then at the same time, how little they still know.

• 45:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know, right?

• 45:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  It like, uh, I remember one, one guy told me recently, like, he was asking me about hecklers, and I was like, yeah, sure, you know, it's a thing. Then they go, well, you know, it's part of your job, I'm like, it, it is, but it should not be.

• 45:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Like, it's not a, a part of the job I look forward to, it's like, alright, I love to have all this material I've worked on be interrupted.

• 45:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:45Tom Segura?

  No, I mean, and then there's the person who's like, I was just trying to help you out.

• 45:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the worst.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Nope, so I've been doing this for twenty years, but I, I needed it, I, I'm selling out the theater, but I, I needed the help.

• 45:57Tom Segura?

  I made it more interesting when I yelled.

• 45:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  By the way, if you haven't seen Brad Williams live, I mean, it is so much fun. You're so funny, and I remember, do you remember we did this casino gig together a million years ago? We were like booked by the Laugh Factory.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  Which one? Cuz I did one with you and I did one with Tom.

• 46:15Tom Segura?

  Dude, my, my story is amazing.

• 46:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you tell yours, I just know that Brad devastated, nobody could follow him.

• 46:22Tom Segura?

  Amazing, I, I went out to do this gig at a casino.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:28Tom Segura?

  It was a pretty big one, somewhere in like, I don't, uh, like, central California, maybe?

• 46:33Speaker 02

  California, I, I wanna say Oroville, but that's, it, it's one of those.

• 46:37Tom Segura?

  It was a big room, and I drove out there with Jay Larson.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 46:41Tom Segura?

  So it was the three of us, and we get out there, and the, the, the, the contact at this venue was like, who are you guys? And we were like, oh, we're two of the comics, he's like, this is Brad's show.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Good, I told her to say that.

• 47:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  What a dick.

• 47:03Tom Segura?

  We were like, what do you, wait, what do you mean? I think it's the three of us were booked, and he was like, well, I mean, you guys are not really like, who people are here to see.

• 47:12Tom Segura?

  Okay, and then he was like, so. All right, let's figure out how we're gonna do this.

• 47:19Tom Segura?

  All right, he goes like, Brad's obviously last, so.

• 47:23Tom Segura?

  He was like, which one of you guys will go? We were like, I don't know. And he was like, Brad, how do you want it to go? We were like, hey, man, like, we are comedians. Yes. And he was like, yeah, but I mean, wait till you see what he does. You're not gonna compare to that. And he was straight up like, you guys ain't shit.

• 47:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And yes.

• 47:41Tom Segura?

  My how times have changed.

• 47:44Tom Segura?

  We were like, all right, man. So then he gave us like our assignments. He was like, you do 10, you do 15. Is that cool with you, Brad? And then Brad was like, yeah. I'm sitting there like, yes. We were like, okay. We're all friends, but it's like, it's always weird when people that don't know about comedy are just like, all right, I'll put together a show. I've had, I've had, I had a great one like that in Vegas, too, which guy was like, do you even, do you even know who this other guy, like this other comic? And I was like, no. He was like, yeah, he's, he is, he is a headliner. I was like, bro, I got fucking booked to close this show. He's like, there's no way you can follow that guy.

• 48:28Tom Segura?

  So. Was this the booker, the security guard? Who is this? This guy just was like, sit in his suit at this Vegas. By the way, he ended up like allowing us to trade, me and this other guy. And it was, everything was fine. I was like, dude, you're out of your mind. It's great. But at Brad's show, he was right.

• 48:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course.

• 48:48Tom Segura?

  Me and Jay did fine. We were like, it was fine. And then Brad went up there and just fucking annihilated. And then that guy was like, you see why?

• 48:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody can follow Brad Williams. It's like.

• 48:59Tom Segura?

  Thank you.

• 48:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's horrible.

• 49:01Tom Segura?

  That is a very, that is a very nice compliment. And it was, I got sent the clip. It's on Rogan. It's of, I think it's Ari, Mark Norman, and I think Shane, too. And they're talking about who you can't follow. And Ari came right in and said, Brad.

• 49:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, God.

• 49:18Tom Segura?

  And it's just the nicest thing to hear that from fellow killers like yourselves and people like that. That it's really cool, but.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  Also, um, now it's like, this is obviously a very insanely popular podcast. Now I'm like, oh, great. Now people are gonna sit back and be like, alright.

• 49:32Tom Segura?

  No.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  What you got?

• 49:35Tom Segura?

  I think they actually are gonna go like, I'd love to see someone just fucking destroy.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  It's, it's fun. I, I'm enjoying this time in my career where now like, I've moved on to theaters. And now it's like, the audiences, they're there for me.

• 49:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  They're not there on the Friday night. Like, alright, who's the guy?

• 49:53Tom Segura?

  Who is this?

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's like, no, they're there, they're familiar. I can reference old jokes and they get it. They're, they're, they cheer. I talk about, you know, small urinals are getting thrown into a helicopter in Afghanistan. And people are like, we know what he's talking about. And it's awesome. It really is. And it's, uh, it's, I feel really fortunate because I never thought I'd get here. I thought like, you know, I'd get like, you know, I'd tour some comedy clubs and that'd be good. Maybe sell some tickets on the Saturday early show.

• 50:22Tom Segura?

  You can't make plans for this.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 50:24Tom Segura?

  There's no way you could plan, like.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  Because there's so many really talented people in this business.

• 50:28Tom Segura?

  There's just so many variables too. It's like, how can you, you can't plan for it.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, uh, yeah. Uh, you know, thank God for COVID, right? Because people started, you know, passing around the clips and I know it's been said a million times, thank God for COVID.

• 50:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank God for COVID. But also, you know, it's not just.

• 50:45Tom Segura?

  For the jab too. Did you get jabbed?

• 50:48Speaker 02

  I did.

• 50:48Tom Segura?

  Fuck yeah, dude.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got jabbed and then, um, uh, I wanted to do this thing. I, I tried to set this up and because of the time that we were in, I, I couldn't get people to film it. I, I, I wanted to do this thing to where like, uh, I get jabbed and then I get out. And then I start looking at my clothes like, what happened?

• 51:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Like, and then film it like to get people's reaction. I'm like, ah, I was six foot four like two minutes ago. What happened? Side effects? What the shit?

• 51:18Tom Segura?

  Fuck man.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:19Tom Segura?

  So many bad things can happen.

• 51:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's what I was gonna say is like, the thing that makes you so unique and so funny is that you embrace being an LP.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Little person. Is that what, is that what, let's talk about it. And the political correctness and the fear and the weirdness around it.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  That is the crazy political correct term. So, good job. LP.

• 51:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what you told me to call you like 15 years ago. I was like, what do I call you?

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Yeah. Cause it's like, people ask that a lot and I've got jokes about this. Malani's got a great joke about it. Artie Lang's got a great joke about it. But it's like, the bad one is midget. You're not supposed to say that. But I don't like the people that try to say like, that's our N-word. It's like, why do we need one? And why are we trying to compare? Like, ah, our slur is worse than your slur. Nah.

• 52:06Tom Segura?

  I had a, I had a good bit about that many years ago.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:09Tom Segura?

  The thing is, I progressed from, I used to call you guys little N-words. So, for me, it was like, a great.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Oh, I think it was a tell. And if it's not a tell.

• 52:20Tom Segura?

  Oh, he, he, yes, it was.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Yes, it was a tell. Floor N-words.

• 52:24Tom Segura?

  Yes. Yes.

• 52:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is such a good.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. And that's just like, I can't beat that. I can never beat that.

• 52:30Tom Segura?

  I saw him do that live, uh, in 2011. I still remember.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:35Tom Segura?

  At the Las Vegas, uh, they were doing a comedy festival.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 52:39Tom Segura?

  And that's where he dropped that. And I was like.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  I was like, that is unbelievable. He's the damn best, man.

• 52:46Tom Segura?

  He's the best, dude.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, it's like, cause I've done the thing where I go on stage and, cause sometimes I like to challenge myself. I'll be like, let's, let's not do some dwarf jokes. Let's just go out in there and talk about whatever. And I'm staring at the audience and they're just looking at me like, are you gonna do it? Like, does he? Say the thing. And it's like, alright, I'll say, I'll, I'll say, I'll say the thing. Now, when you see my show, it's not an hour of, ah, I could take a bath in a thimble. That's weird. Like, like, it's not, it's not that. We, we move on to different topics. But, yeah, I have to talk about it.

• 53:18Tom Segura?

  You address it at some point.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. And also, why wouldn't I?

• 53:22Tom Segura?

  Well, it's very, I'll tell you this.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  People like it.

• 53:24Tom Segura?

  I'll tell you what's super upsetting to me, is meeting a guy that's like. I don't know, over six, five?

• 53:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:31Tom Segura?

  That doesn't have a conversa- like dude, I wanna know what it's like.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  What, what is it like?

• 53:36Tom Segura?

  I wanna talk about, if you're six, ten, we are fucking talking about your height.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:40Tom Segura?

  I don't care how exhausted you are of it. I'm gonna bring it up.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 53:43Tom Segura?

  Cause if I'm not, the whole time I'm like, please bring it up.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  Please bring it up, yeah. Of course. And uh, it's, it's funny you mention that. Uh, I did a podcast, uh, with the wrestler, The Big Show.

• 53:52Tom Segura?

  He's a big fuck.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's over seven feet.

• 53:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  And we just talked about, it was, uh, Chris Jericho's podcast, uh, and we just talk about comparisons.

• 54:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  In, in terms of the life. And there's actually like, for the size differences, there's just, there's, there's a lot of similarities.

• 54:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  In terms of, like, obviously, like, flying is difficult for completely different reasons.

• 54:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  But just growing up and not fitting in and finding out where, where you do.

• 54:18Tom Segura?

  The world is not designed for either of you.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 54:20Tom Segura?

  So both of you are adapting in, to, in different extremes.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 54:24Tom Segura?

  For a world that goes, no, no, we made it for everybody else.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're doing all this. Like cars, uh, can I rent a car?

• 54:29Tom Segura?

  No. What does happen with renting a car?

• 54:32Speaker 02

  I have to, I have a opening act, his, his great comic, his name is JB Ball, he drives.

• 54:37Tom Segura?

  If you had, if you had a necessity, you, do you bring some type of adapter for it? Is there like something you can bring?

• 54:43Speaker 02

  There is, uh, there's pedals that you could, I'm not mechanical, I'm not handy, but like, like there's pedals you can install yourself if you want to.

• 54:51Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  I'm sure if I made a big stink about it, I'm sure some ADA lawyer is listening going like, oh Brad, call me, like, like, let's do this.

• 54:58Tom Segura?

  Cause at home you have a car.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I have a car.

• 55:00Tom Segura?

  Which that's modified?

• 55:02Speaker 02

  The kids out when I drop my daughter off at school.

• 55:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  I get out of the car and they're just like looking at them, how'd he get a car?

• 55:08Tom Segura?

  Is it a modified car then?

• 55:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, it, it's got, uh, pedal extenders. So that's like a pedal that's on top of the pedal. Thankfully I sit just as tall as everybody else, uh, so I have a normal sized torso.

• 55:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  Look at that, LPA Adaptive Products.

• 55:22Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  So yeah, there's pedal extensions, sometimes you do the hand controls.

• 55:26Tom Segura?

  Oh like Bert, he is a seatbelt extension when he flies. So that's kind of the same thing, right?

• 55:30Speaker 02

  The exact same thing. He's gotta bring it in wherever he goes.

• 55:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, wait, you said it's difficult to fly. Why is it difficult to fly?

• 55:37Speaker 02

  Oh, just because the legs fall asleep.

• 55:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why is that?

• 55:39Speaker 02

  They dangle.

• 55:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  They sell though, and I bought one. They sell these like foot hammocks and you like hang them from the tray.

• 55:52Tom Segura?

  Oh, so that your foot's that.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 55:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I got, I got one. I used it for a bit. It was, it was great. But then, I don't know, I felt so weird putting my little foot hammock down.

• 56:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, because people look at you and go, oh, okay.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, so you just, you, you, you put the foot hammock down and then, uh.

• 56:09Tom Segura?

  You know what I just realized now?

• 56:11Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 56:11Tom Segura?

  Because I, I realized I was in the situation that you have to find yourself in all the time. Which is, I was at a, a NBA game and I was on the floor talking to people.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:22Tom Segura?

  And two guys that were both like six, nine, so. Were having conversa- conversation above me.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 56:30Tom Segura?

  And I was like, this is so insane.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 56:33Tom Segura?

  And I was like, hello. And they were like, they were here being like, yeah, man. And they just talked to each other up here. And I was like, so you have to experience that.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 56:42Tom Segura?

  Yo, dude.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  Crowded bars.

• 56:45Tom Segura?

  Oh, fuck.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  They're, they're impossible.

• 56:46Tom Segura?

  That's a nightmare.

• 56:47Speaker 02

  Like, I just sit down at everyone's crotch height and I'm just sitting there like, alright, so. Like, what I'll try to do is I'll try to get a bar stool, get on it. I'm like, this is my spot.

• 56:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  I don't move. Everyone has to come to me.

• 56:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Smart, smart.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  But like, yeah, there's definitely full on conversations. Uh, I've had people like reach over my head to like hand something to someone. And you're just, you never feel less of a person than when someone's just like, oh, there's a human down there.

• 57:14Tom Segura?

  When I, when I asked, uh, I did Shaq's podcast.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:17Tom Segura?

  And I was like, so like, what's something that is so lame to you?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:21Tom Segura?

  Because of it's, he's like, water bottles are so small.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  I love him. Liquid Death, this is a frickin'.

• 57:29Tom Segura?

  This was like a plastic one though.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:31Tom Segura?

  He, his hand went completely, and he just went like, like it was a juice box.

• 57:37Tom Segura?

  They make him so focused, Mo.

• 57:38Speaker 02

  I have, I have one photo with Shaq and I love it. I had, me and Adam Ray got to play in the Celebrity All-Star Game.

• 57:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  Look at that. And like, we got to meet Shaq and we got to take a photo with him.

• 57:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  It's insane.

• 57:54Tom Segura?

  It's insane.

• 57:55Speaker 02

  It's just like, thank God he's rich because he could afford stuff to fit him.

• 57:59Tom Segura?

  Dude, I, I brought this up on a podcast once.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:02Tom Segura?

  Think, thinking, I'm making like, just like a general observation. About imagine being this big.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:09Tom Segura?

  And not having the athleticism and not realizing that it would resonate with some people who were like, "Yeah, man, this is, that's my life." Like people wrote in, they were like, "Yeah, I'm 6'10" and I'm not athletic."

• 58:22Speaker 02

  And I'm not athletic.

• 58:23Tom Segura?

  So I live in the world.

• 58:25Speaker 02

  And I have to, and I get reminded of that because I'm sure when people see them, they go, "So you play like, "You play ball or did you used to play ball? Did you play volleyball?" Like, nope.

• 58:34Tom Segura?

  Nope. And I, and I live in a normal sized place because I can't afford an 18,000 square foot custom home.

• 58:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  I, I have to have a large truck because that's what fits.

• 58:45Tom Segura?

  That's the only thing that can fit me.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, you, well, I think people have become slightly more aware because of like Little People, Big World and shows like that.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, there's a bunch of stuff out there now. We have, we have more representation, which is great. Although, uh, I did have to leave a party, uh, literally yesterday. Cause, uh, I walked in and it was great for a while. I brought the family with me. And then, uh, there was this six-year-old girl who just ran up to me, like pointed at me at the party and just like starts busting up laughing.

• 59:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh geez.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  And I'm just like, I'm sitting there and my kid's there and thankfully she's not doing my kid. If she did it to my kid, I would have put a foot through her fucking face. But like.

• 59:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 59:27Speaker 02

  But like, I had to leave because I go, "I can't call this six-year-old girl a twat in front of this whole party."

• 59:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:33Speaker 02

  I can't do it. And if I. Stay like, cause I I have these things that I do when I talk to kids to make them kind of understand and it's not harsh. It's very just like, hey, you know, that that woman's got brown hair. That one's got blonde hair. So people who have different colored hair, different different sizes.

• 59:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:48Speaker 02

  People are different. Isn't that great? And 99% of the time, the the kids are like, okay, cool.

• 59:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  Cause they just want an explanation.

• 59:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  And then you get the one blonde girl from yesterday who's just like, couldn't couldn't care less. I'm just pointing and laughing.

• 1:00:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  And I'm just like, I can't. So I had to leave.

• 1:00:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  Cause I don't know where her parents were, but uh, I left and then uh, someone informed her parents and then the parents were horrified.

• 1:00:14Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  And then uh, they ended up paying for our meal. So that so that was very nice. Shout out to them. We also live in a small town, so I'll probably I'll probably find out who it was very quickly.

• 1:00:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just in terms of like, show business too.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, how do you feel about the whole Snow White thing and not hiring LPs to do the job?

• 1:00:35Tom Segura?

  Wait, so who?

• 1:00:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, let's go, let's go.

• 1:00:38Tom Segura?

  Wait, can I ask this?

• 1:00:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  So. Yeah.

• 1:00:40Tom Segura?

  You're saying LPs weren't cast, were, was somebody else cast for this job?

• 1:00:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's even worse. It's more egregious.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  CGI.

• 1:00:47Tom Segura?

  Oh, they CGI'd it?

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, they CGI'd dwarfs.

• 1:00:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:51Speaker 02

  There we are. Aren't those good looking little people?

• 1:00:55Tom Segura?

  And what, what was the reason for that?

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  The reason for it now, uh, there's some misconception or some debate about what the actual reason is, but I believe, and I could be wrong, but I believe the reason is, uh, literally Peter Dinklage was on, uh, the Marc Maron podcast.

• 1:01:12Tom Segura?

  The Allah of your world?

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:01:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  He is a very good actor.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  He's really good. Uh, uh, and uh, I'm not a fan of him for this, but he pretty much said, cause uh, Maron brought up they're doing a live action Snow White.

• 1:01:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  And Dinklage kind of went like, oh, I hope they're not doing the dwarf thing again. Like we have to deal with that. And I'm sitting here going like, well, some of us would like to deal with that.

• 1:01:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  Dink?

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  Some of us would like to have that opportunity to deal with that cuz there's not that many roles. Like he's been amazingly successful and I, I, I, I love that he takes roles that aren't written for dwarfs.

• 1:01:51Tom Segura?

  And they never address it in the movie.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  And they never address it. When he, when he hosted SNL, they never made one dwarf joke.

• 1:01:56Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Which, and I found out from some friends that were cast members that that was one of the rules. He came in and said, no, no dwarf jokes. So, uh, I'm saying Lauren, if you're listening, I can host, you'll make all the dwarf jokes you want.

• 1:02:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  Let fly. Let's go.

• 1:02:10Tom Segura?

  I feel like that, that era is over. Like, I don't think anyone would do that now.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Tom Segura?

  Even if you, like, if you went on.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:18Tom Segura?

  With that, they were like, yeah, we don't really wanna.

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  We don't wanna deal with that. I'd be like, but it'll be funny.

• 1:02:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  But also, don't, don't you think too, like, not hiring actual dwarfs, it just makes it, makes you guys more outsiders? Like, instead of seeing you as people.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whole round people and they chose to CGI.

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  I completely agree.

• 1:02:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's more offensive to me than hiring actual people.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:02:41Tom Segura?

  It would've been cool for the actors to get work.

• 1:02:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  So cool.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  That would've been great. And if you wanna, you know, make it a little more woke, okay.

• 1:02:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Great.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  Make, uh, different gender dwarfs, make dwarfs of different races. Fine. Give people more opportunities. I'm all for that. But I'm, I'm not for just being like, nah, let's, uh, cuz there's not that many roles. And it, and if you look throughout the history of Hollywood, the game is usually the same. The game is whatever race you are, whatever minority you are, you start getting roles by taking the stereotypical roles.

• 1:03:10Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  And then you slowly assimilate yourself and, and.

• 1:03:13Tom Segura?

  And you, cuz Peter probably started with dwarf roles, I'm sure.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  I mean, he's in Elf saying, call me Elf one more fucking time. And he does the dropkick. And, and he's in the most offensive movie ever made about dwarfs, which you know about.

• 1:03:26Tom Segura?

  Oh, uh, uh, Twinkle?

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  Tiptoes.

• 1:03:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tiptoes. We've covered Tiptoes.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  He is in this movie and he has an accent that like starts off French, goes to Hungarian. I'm not quite sure what the accent is. But he's in this fucking movie. So the fact that you were in the most of it, but, but I'm sure your listeners are tired of you talking about this movie. I could do a whole.

• 1:03:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's been a few years.

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  I could do a class on this.

• 1:03:48Tom Segura?

  I think we talked about it a while.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  So the movie Tiptoes, it's streaming right now on Amazon Prime. And it's the most offensive movie to dwarves.

• 1:03:57Tom Segura?

  Unbelievable.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  Because Gary Oldman plays a dwarf. Now, when you say, woo, how'd they get Gary Oldman to play a dwarf? Did they use some advanced CGI like Lord of the Rings? No, on his knees and they tied his arms back.

• 1:04:11Tom Segura?

  So they put shoes on his knees.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  Yep. Gary Oldman and.

• 1:04:15Tom Segura?

  In the role of a lifetime.

• 1:04:18Speaker 02

  I was about to say.

• 1:04:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  The role of a lifetime.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  The preview looks like an SNL sketch.

• 1:04:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we find the trailer, please?

• 1:04:23Tom Segura?

  I played it for McConaughey when he was here.

• 1:04:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:25Tom Segura?

  I played the trailer.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  I would.

• 1:04:27Tom Segura?

  He said he'd never seen it.

• 1:04:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up.

• 1:04:30Tom Segura?

  It's the best.

• 1:04:32Speaker 02

  So that's Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale. Blowjob joke. Good. Hey, baby. Hey, sweetie. I love you. Get it? I'm Ralph. I'm your brother. We're twins.

• 1:04:47Tom Segura?

  Are your parents, um? I think you're gonna let me know that everyone in your family's a midget. They're not midgets, Carol. They're dwarfs. Whatever.

• 1:05:00Tom Segura?

  Hey, welcome. I'm Steven.

• 1:05:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Aw, there you are. This is Steven's father, Bruno, and his mom, Kathleen.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  And they're like, what the? What the fuck?

• 1:05:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're like space aliens.

• 1:05:10Speaker 06

  He's could have prepared us for this, don't you think? If you embarrass me, I'll never speak to you again, so just get it together. Hey, there, fine drink. I think maybe I'm pregnant. When the going gets rough, it's only the size of your heart that counts.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  It doesn't.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  You knocked up this great girl and you didn't tell her that her baby's probably gonna be lit. I'm not like you.

• 1:05:32Speaker 02

  That was Dinklage.

• 1:05:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, and Bridget the Midget.

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bridget the Midget's in there, too.

• 1:05:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did she change her name?

• 1:05:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:05:51Tom Segura?

  This is absolute chaos.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  Yes, the greatest fight scene since Robert De Niro beat up that one guy as a 78-year-old.

• 1:05:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, we get the point.

• 1:05:59Speaker 02

  Well, yeah.

• 1:06:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so bad.

• 1:06:01Speaker 02

  It's insane. And if you keep going, the joke you made earlier is they go through the cast and then they go, "And in the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman plays a dwarf." Which, by the way, they put so many little people in the movie that it makes Gary Oldman's performance look worse, because it's like, oh, well, that's what an actual dwarf looks like.

• 1:06:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, oh, here's when I showed it to McConaughey.

• 1:06:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  See it?

• 1:06:27Tom Segura?

  And he was like, he's like, "I've never seen this." One of the craziest things that I have ever seen.

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  I'm Ralph, I'm his brother, we're twins.

• 1:06:36Speaker 06

  I think you gotta let me know that everyone in your family's a midget.

• 1:06:39Tom Segura?

  I've shown that to so many people, and they're like, "What the fuck does SNL do this?" I'm like, "No, this is real, dude."

• 1:06:48Tom Segura?

  Like, "What the fuck is happening?"

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  Like, the trailer's so good, I've never seen the trailer.

• 1:07:00Tom Segura?

  How does he not see the trailer?

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  I mean, don't get me wrong.

• 1:07:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  It gets really serious. Role of a lifetime.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  Goldman!

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  Come on! What the fuck? That's real.

• 1:07:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  The fucking balls of the VO guy to call that "role of a lifetime."

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  You shot that movie? Ah, yes.

• 1:07:25Speaker 02

  God, I love Bert.

• 1:07:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You shot that movie? What do you think we just watched? Holy shit.

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, so, like, that's what's out there, and Dinklage took a role in that, because that's what you do.

• 1:07:36Tom Segura?

  Right, you have to earn the ability to be like, "Yeah, I don't do those roles."

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  Yes, like, the same way with stand-up, where you've now earned the right to, like, when someone says, "Hey, do you want to do a bar show?", I could get you free chicken wings, and you go, "Nah, I'm good." So, yeah, you have to earn that. So, I would have loved to have played a dwarf in the Snow White film, although now that I've seen what happened, I'm like, eh, maybe I dodged a bullet there.

• 1:08:01Tom Segura?

  How do you feel about LP porn?

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  Good.

• 1:08:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, do you watch a lot of it?

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:08:05Tom Segura?

  Do you ever look at it?

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  No, because if I want to see a dwarf porn, I fuck my wife next to a mirror and look left.

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  That's what I do.

• 1:08:16Tom Segura?

  And when you were, you know, a grown- developing young man.

• 1:08:20Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:08:20Tom Segura?

  Never.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  I didn't, I didn't.

• 1:08:22Tom Segura?

  That wasn't your thing.

• 1:08:22Speaker 02

  I didn't watch the dwarf porn, but I, eh, when I was a single guy.

• 1:08:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  I'm really glad it was some people's thing.

• 1:08:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  That, that helped me out a lot.

• 1:08:29Tom Segura?

  Did it?

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. You, you guys were talking about fetishes before I got on here. Thank God some people have a dwarf fetish. That, that, that got me through my twenties.

• 1:08:38Tom Segura?

  Did it really? So there was a lot of ladies who were like, I want to try this.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, and when a, eh, eh, when someone has a fetish and they see an opportunity to engage in the fetish, like if the fetish is rare, they are very determined. So when a woman would come like, cause we would like if a woman came up to you after the show, there's like a, hey, maybe will they, won't they, whatever. But women would come up to me after shows and be like, this is happening.

• 1:09:06Tom Segura?

  Seriously?

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Like this is, this is happening tonight.

• 1:09:08Tom Segura?

  Tonight.

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  And I'd be like, okay.

• 1:09:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Amazing.

• 1:09:12Tom Segura?

  I always wanted to do that.

• 1:09:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:14Tom Segura?

  Were you finding a lot of repeat people? Or was it just like, this is like a dream I've always wanted to try?

• 1:09:19Speaker 02

  Uh, I had a little bit of, uh, uh, good luck Chuck syndrome for a while. So that, uh, references a wonderful Dane Cook movie where, uh, where Dane's character, when he, uh, hooks up with a woman, the next guy, uh, the woman hooks up with, she marries. That was me for a while. Like I've got over 15 women that like after me, they got married. So that I, I was like their last wild fling to be like, I, I did something crazy.

• 1:09:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Man, I ask you not to say that you beckoned it or welcomed it. A lot of dudes come on to you too, like homo fetish? Yeah, like, I feel like that's a male thing more than a female thing.

• 1:09:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, they like the small hands.

• 1:09:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that right? That's what they would say to you?

• 1:10:01Tom Segura?

  We were at a gay bar last week and, uh, I can say that they had a fetish for your husband as well.

• 1:10:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I know it. Don't I know it? Don't we all?

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  I mean, you are, you are a bear.

• 1:10:10Tom Segura?

  One, one guy was like, oh yeah, you're definitely a bottom. I was like, excuse me.

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  I like that you get insulted by it.

• 1:10:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Excuse me?

• 1:10:18Tom Segura?

  Excuse me.

• 1:10:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, don't get me wrong.

• 1:10:20Tom Segura?

  He goes, you're so innocent. I go, I, I don't think you know what you're saying. Has he listened to the podcast?

• 1:10:27Tom Segura?

  He was pretty drunk.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:29Tom Segura?

  Like, okay, buddy.

• 1:10:30Speaker 02

  Don't get me wrong, I'm firmly, I get it, I would be a bottom. I told, I totally understand that.

• 1:10:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think so?

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  My ass is spectacular.

• 1:10:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  It's, it's a, it's not an ass, it's a shitter. Like, it's a good ass.

• 1:10:44Tom Segura?

  I've noticed.

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  We all have.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  I mean, come on. So, I would probably be a bottom if I were gay, but in, I, I'm sorry I'm not gay, cuz man, I'd be cleaning up.

• 1:10:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:54Tom Segura?

  Me too.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  Sometimes you just think about it, you're like, I, like, yeah, I got the genetic winning being a dwarf, but damn, could've been gay.

• 1:11:02Tom Segura?

  It was very flattering.

• 1:11:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have men, gay men come on you?

• 1:11:05Tom Segura?

  Just the, like, you're like, oh, these are, like, cuz you don't hear, women don't shower you with compliments.

• 1:11:10Speaker 02

  Right!

• 1:11:11Tom Segura?

  So, like, I mean, I've been out and, you know, you, whatever, you might sense that, like, somebody looks at you and they go, oh, that person is giving me a look. But these guys were straight up like, yes.

• 1:11:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you a thought I had actually today? I don't have many, but this one thought. You know, men in general, you guys don't get treated nicely, like, you never, like, for instance, yeah, it's really fucked up because...

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  That's right, give it up for the men, everybody.

• 1:11:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm being serious. We, so we took, we have a boat, we went on Lake Austin, and Tommy's driving the boat, being the nice captain, for like, hours, and it's hot, and everyone else is having fun. Tom didn't have fun. And then we went out for his birthday. I didn't realize it was your birthday dinner, otherwise I would've bought, brought cash, credit card, I didn't have anything. And then he had to pay for his own birthday, and I was like...

• 1:11:59Tom Segura?

  It's fine.

• 1:12:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, but it makes me sad, cuz like, I would be sad. And then I just thought, like, nobody admires and loves men. Nobody tells you guys how adorable you are.

• 1:12:08Tom Segura?

  Let me get those socks, baby.

• 1:12:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can have them right now. They're not very stinky, though.

• 1:12:13Tom Segura?

  I don't want them.

• 1:12:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  But nobody tells you guys, like, you're, you're cute and pretty and stuff.

• 1:12:18Speaker 02

  It, it is, it, it is nice, thankfully I have a wife who does that a lot, and I, and it feels really great.

• 1:12:24Tom Segura?

  Feels good.

• 1:12:25Speaker 02

  It feels really good, and sometimes you just gotta hear, hey, good job. Sometimes when you come home with a check, especially for the job that we do, that we never thought that we'd get to where we are.

• 1:12:35Tom Segura?

  Totally.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  We, we, we wanna come home with a check and be like, hey, look at this, and they go, wow!

• 1:12:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:41Speaker 02

  Look at that!

• 1:12:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's awesome.

• 1:12:42Speaker 02

  That's pretty great, that's all we need, occasional blowjob, but yeah, overall, just, yeah, pretty great.

• 1:12:47Tom Segura?

  You wanna hear a great job? Here's a blowjob.

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  Yeah! It's on the menu, bitch!

• 1:12:51Tom Segura?

  The menu is the menu. Stupid.

• 1:12:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, now I regret saying that. I feel like a doofus. Should we cut that out?

• 1:12:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:12:59Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:13:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:13:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I just noticed you. He would always work and there's no glory, you know?

• 1:13:05Speaker 02

  Well, no.

• 1:13:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't get the love. Like, the kids like me so much more than they do. And like, do you know what I mean? I get treated so much better in the house.

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, my daughter loves my, loves my wife.

• 1:13:14Tom Segura?

  But I also, I feel like, yeah, as men, you kind of go like, yeah, of course, your mother is like, I like it, you know? I like when they obviously give me affection too, but I, I think you, you feel like, oh, it's, it's really good and healthy that your kid goes, mom is everything.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely. And, and, and don't get me wrong.

• 1:13:32Tom Segura?

  But I love, I love the compliments. I do.

• 1:13:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and people are just nicer to me. Like, because I'm a lady overall. I do admit that things are, and like, I'm a blonde white lady. It's really great. Like, I, really, people are happy to see me, you know? I walk into a grocery store, it's nothing but smiles, like, it's pretty great.

• 1:13:53Speaker 02

  Can I tell the story about the last time we hung out?

• 1:13:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course you can.

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  Okay. Last time we hung out, I was here in Austin and saw that you were going to be at the mothership. So, I, I go, yeah, let's, uh, let's go see Christina at the mothership. So, we go and, uh, there's a little, there's a little extra security there and, uh, making sure who I am and checking an ID and everything like that. I'm like, what's going on here? And I get to the green room and the, there's a guy sitting outside the green room. He goes, who are you? I'm like, Brad Williams. I go, who are you here to see? He goes, Christina P. He goes, hold on. Goes into the room.

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  Comes back out. All right, you're good. All right, okay, Christina's really doing well. Okay, this is great. And then, uh, I walk into the green room and, uh, there is Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner.

• 1:14:44Tom Segura?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:14:45Speaker 02

  And they were in the green room back there. That was crazy. That was... That was insane.

• 1:14:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was insane. And I don't think I've, have I even talked about it on the show? I kinda talked about it in my act. I did a while ago.

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, they were there. They were there.

• 1:14:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not to hang out with me. No, no, no. They're, they're hanging out with, I don't even wanna say who else, but it's fine. Delightful. Delightful hang. Really a good hang. They're really nice people.

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  Uh, no matter what you think about, uh, the politics, Ivanka is, uh, stunning.

• 1:15:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stunning.

• 1:15:16Speaker 02

  Every answer is a beauty queen answer. Where it's like, you've been, you've been trained. Oh my God. This is, this is unreal.

• 1:15:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Brad, you know what I realized? Talking to Ivanka is what?

• 1:15:28Tom Segura?

  Is it Ivanka?

• 1:15:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's Ivanka Trump. Nah.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  Ivana was the mom.

• 1:15:32Tom Segura?

  I thought Ivanka was the mom and Ivana is the daughter.

• 1:15:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's Ivanka is the daughter, no? Am I being crazy?

• 1:15:37Tom Segura?

  Ivanka is the.

• 1:15:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's Ivanka.

• 1:15:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, Ivanka.

• 1:15:40Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:15:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ivanka, she's a chick. But anyway, in talking to her and listening to her, like, it really made me realize what a low-class donkey. And how, how bottom barrel my upbringing was. Like, she went to the best schools. You know it. Like, what you're saying, the poise. And her elegance.

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  She's been trained.

• 1:15:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's been trained.

• 1:16:00Speaker 02

  Media training. Like, all that.

• 1:16:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Perfect. She's gorgeous.

• 1:16:04Tom Segura?

  I mean, her birth name is Ivana. Ivanka's the nickname it says there.

• 1:16:08Speaker 02

  Ivana Marie Ivanka. Oh, so, so, so we're both right.

• 1:16:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, maybe it's like in Hungarian, Kristinka. They add on, you know what I'm saying? Is that her nickname?

• 1:16:17Speaker 02

  But yeah, that, that was one of those.

• 1:16:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lovely.

• 1:16:20Tom Segura?

  A tiger would always beat a lion in a fight.

• 1:16:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Would you fucking stop with that? He's been on this for days.

• 1:16:27Speaker 02

  Tiger would beat a lion? Wait, lion or lioness?

• 1:16:31Tom Segura?

  Lion.

• 1:16:31Speaker 02

  Lion? Yeah, I agree. Tiger, tiger, tiger, tiger wins.

• 1:16:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's such a random, I forgot about that.

• 1:16:36Speaker 02

  Lionesses are the ones that do the hunting. Now, now, now if it's a lioness, I give, I give her the, I give her the edge. But a lion, he's just.

• 1:16:43Tom Segura?

  Oh, I would still give it to the tiger.

• 1:16:44Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:16:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but I understand what you're saying.

• 1:16:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wrong. A lion, they call the king of the jungle.

• 1:16:48Tom Segura?

  You know that lions don't live in the jungle?

• 1:16:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  What was the king? Then why is it the king of the jungle?

• 1:16:53Tom Segura?

  It's just, it's a misnomer. It's just not, it doesn't apply.

• 1:16:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I think, okay, so then.

• 1:16:57Speaker 02

  AI says a tiger would win.

• 1:16:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, AI doesn't know shit. AI, AI puts downs faces on.

• 1:17:03Speaker 02

  First of all, you know nothing about big cats.

• 1:17:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Porn models. Have you seen that?

• 1:17:06Speaker 02

  AI puts downs faces on porn models?

• 1:17:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:17:09Speaker 02

  Why are we not doing this all the time?

• 1:17:11Tom Segura?

  It's a, it's a whole lane now.

• 1:17:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a whole thing.

• 1:17:13Speaker 02

  This is what we should be doing with AI.

• 1:17:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what everybody's been saying, Brad, and now they have.

• 1:17:19Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:17:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, this is what's gonna further the technology.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  Sometimes the internet wins.

• 1:17:23Tom Segura?

  Listen, you would need an app, you would need a pride to defeat a tiger, okay?

• 1:17:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're, can I, do you know where this came from?

• 1:17:31Tom Segura?

  You just don't know.

• 1:17:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  My son is reading this book, the versus books, like Scorpion versus Snake. And it's like they're animal books and they, they fight. So there was one that was lion versus tiger and we take teams. The little boy, my nine-year-old, Tom, I mean, we read it, we sit down together. And Ellis and I are team lion.

• 1:17:51Tom Segura?

  In this particular chapter.

• 1:17:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  King of the fucking jungle.

• 1:17:54Tom Segura?

  And I said, without a doubt.

• 1:17:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  We won, the books.

• 1:17:56Tom Segura?

  I go, without a doubt, it's tiger. The book says lion and I just said, we should never play this game again because this is nonsense.

• 1:18:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and it, tell them what you did after though.

• 1:18:05Tom Segura?

  Then I, I pulled up, um.

• 1:18:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's crazy.

• 1:18:07Tom Segura?

  I did a bunch of research and I did screen grabs and I showed it to my son.

• 1:18:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And me, dickhead, you've screenshotted it. And then I wake up the next morning and he's sending me all this literature on how tigers would actually.

• 1:18:18Speaker 02

  You haven't done this much, this much, yeah, I can't speak, this much research for anything.

• 1:18:24Tom Segura?

  No, not, not a bit. I was so fired up about it.

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  Not a project in high school?

• 1:18:28Tom Segura?

  I was so fired up about it. I, I knew about, listen, the tiger is bigger, listen, the tiger is bigger.

• 1:18:35Speaker 02

  Well, size doesn't matter.

• 1:18:36Tom Segura?

  It weighs more, they, they, they hunt alone, they are more agile, they jump higher. It is a more ferocious solo cat. And the idea that all things being equal, the lion would win is absurd. I will never accept it.

• 1:18:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, Tom, if you recall in the book, the reason the tiger couldn't get a firm grasp on the lion's neck is because of its.

• 1:19:00Tom Segura?

  Of its mane, I know.

• 1:19:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's king-like mane, that is a natural defense against such attacks.

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  Fiction or nonfiction, where, where is the book listed?

• 1:19:08Tom Segura?

  It's exactly.

• 1:19:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go.

• 1:19:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're petty? You're being petty?

• 1:19:14Tom Segura?

  I'm bringing, listen, listen to me right now. Josh Zolo, I want you to book a big cat expert to come in here.

• 1:19:22Speaker 02

  Call, uh, call Ron McGill from Zoo, from Zoo Miami.

• 1:19:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know this? Is this real?

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. Ron McGill, Zoo Miami, he's like, he's amazing. He could, he could absolutely tell you.

• 1:19:33Tom Segura?

  Is he a big cat expert?

• 1:19:34Speaker 02

  He is, uh, he's a animal expert. Yeah. He's, he's the head zoologist, uh, Zoo Miami.

• 1:19:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is stupid, Tom. Listen, even though tiger may be physically more agile.

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  Aren't you and Bert rich enough to make this happen?

• 1:19:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:46Tom Segura?

  To just have a tiger fight a lion?

• 1:19:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. Yeah.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  Can't you just do this? You guys are buying like NASCARs for each other. You can't buy a fucking lion?

• 1:19:55Tom Segura?

  Maybe it's something to look into.

• 1:19:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  As pets. We should be having them in our backyard.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  Why is there a Tiger King and not, and not a Tom King?

• 1:20:00Tom Segura?

  I do have, I do have a connection to somebody in the Middle East that might be able to make this happen. I don't think I'll pay for it, but I think this Middle Eastern guy might.

• 1:20:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:20:09Tom Segura?

  They do it for fun.

• 1:20:10Speaker 02

  I mean, they did, like, the UFC did Fight Island or whatever to get around the COVID restrictions. That's what you could do. You and Bert, buy an island.

• 1:20:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  You know, Poroso's Island.

• 1:20:20Tom Segura?

  Sure. Come watch big cats fight.

• 1:20:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. And.

• 1:20:23Tom Segura?

  Which I would sign up for if that were somebody else.

• 1:20:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That'd be fucking rad.

• 1:20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, how come? We can make that happen. It's Texas. We can do whatever we want.

• 1:20:30Tom Segura?

  Exactly.

• 1:20:31Speaker 02

  Very true.

• 1:20:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the South don't give a shit.

• 1:20:33Tom Segura?

  Guys, good idea. Good idea. We're definitely doing this.

• 1:20:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:36Tom Segura?

  All right. I'm gonna show you these clips.

• 1:20:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:20:38Tom Segura?

  Um, you tell me if it's horrible or hilarious. Oh, is this the?

• 1:20:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate this segment.

• 1:20:43Tom Segura?

  Is this, is this the influencers?

• 1:20:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Actually, I changed my mind. I love this segment.

• 1:20:50Speaker 02

  That, uh, that's hilarious just because it's like, uh, what'd you think was gonna happen? Stupid.

• 1:20:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 1:20:56Tom Segura?

  It was gonna be like splash.

• 1:20:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I see you again?

• 1:20:59Speaker 02

  But also, like, even with however far you jump, the water doesn't go from the shore to 30 feet deep.

• 1:21:08Tom Segura?

  No, of course.

• 1:21:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you the, his problem here? I know, I know this because I read about this.

• 1:21:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:21:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, look, see how the, the hill is on a, a slant?

• 1:21:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's going down, yeah.

• 1:21:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  So he needs to jump further out to go down.

• 1:21:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:21:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he did not do that. He didn't want to execute correctly.

• 1:21:27Speaker 02

  I like the person that gasped the second he left, or they went, they knew.

• 1:21:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  They saw the.

• 1:21:33Speaker 02

  They knew, they're like, oh no.

• 1:21:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck dude.

• 1:21:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  The sound of him slapping on the sand is.

• 1:21:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then I, and here's the beautiful part about modern, uh, modern society. No one's running.

• 1:21:48Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:21:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:21:49Speaker 02

  No, no one's gonna go, they're just, keep filming.

• 1:21:51Tom Segura?

  Keep filming dude.

• 1:21:52Speaker 02

  That's the thing, when the shit goes on around you.

• 1:21:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:54Speaker 02

  Keep filming.

• 1:21:55Tom Segura?

  I gotta say, kudos to the cameraman. That's, this is how you wanna watch a disaster happen. With real clear composition, you know?

• 1:22:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish, can we walk over to him? I like to see if he's breathing. Yeah, no one cares. Hey, toss it to me.

• 1:22:10Tom Segura?

  Alright.

• 1:22:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope.

• 1:22:11Tom Segura?

  Gynus stove. Oh, it's a delivery? Alright. It's a delivery, this guy's like, you pick it up.

• 1:22:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You need a dolly, bro.

• 1:22:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, so that was real pain.

• 1:22:27Tom Segura?

  That was, that, I, I have to give huge credit. When you get a scream like that, it automatically becomes hilarious.

• 1:22:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 1:22:34Tom Segura?

  Like, if it's a great scream.

• 1:22:37Tom Segura?

  He's in real pain.

• 1:22:38Speaker 02

  That scream, that scream should replace the Wilhelm scream.

• 1:22:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:42Speaker 02

  Like, do you know what the Wilhelm scream is? The Wilhelm scream, just play it and then play the Wilhelm scream and you will instantly recognize it.

• 1:22:50Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:22:50Speaker 02

  It's the scream from every movie ever.

• 1:22:53Tom Segura?

  That's this guy.

• 1:22:54Speaker 02

  That's that guy. There you go.

• 1:22:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:22:57Speaker 02

  That's the scream from every movie ever. Whenever anyone falls, that's the scream they use.

• 1:23:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's way better. Yours, ours is better.

• 1:23:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, this was way more authentic.

• 1:23:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  It always bums me out to see like workers getting hurt.

• 1:23:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, blue collar people getting, cause my dad would tell me about these forklift injuries. My dad had a forklift business. And dudes get like run over a lot.

• 1:23:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And hurt a lot.

• 1:23:22Speaker 02

  That's why I tell jokes.

• 1:23:25Speaker 02

  I don't want to be in a forklift where someone can't, can't see me and all of a sudden, I'm impaled by a forklift.

• 1:23:32Tom Segura?

  Really rough.

• 1:23:33Speaker 02

  Which, by the way, goes to a premise that I am working on, whi- whi- which is, I'm not afraid to die, but I'm just sad that I won't be able to read the tweets the next day. Cause however I die is gonna be funny.

• 1:23:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:45Speaker 02

  I have yet to figure out a way that I would die.

• 1:23:48Tom Segura?

  I know, cause even if it's like a slow disease, there's still gonna be jokes.

• 1:23:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, come on.

• 1:23:53Tom Segura?

  And if it's a quick accident, there's gonna be tons of jokes.

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  Definitely. Like, you don't think that if like a forklift impaled me, there's not gonna be dwarf kebab jokes?

• 1:24:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. You've heard them all. Like, you've got them all on deck.

• 1:24:06Speaker 02

  Yes. Like, so that's why if I do get a heckler and someone yells out something basic, like, just like they yell out like, "Oompa Loompa", it's like, "You think I haven't heard that shit?"

• 1:24:13Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 1:24:14Speaker 02

  I've got comebacks, bro.

• 1:24:15Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 1:24:16Speaker 02

  Like, it's not gonna go well for you.

• 1:24:18Tom Segura?

  I was just helping you out, bro.

• 1:24:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've heard that since you were born.

• 1:24:21Speaker 02

  Yes. Alright.

• 1:24:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no. We take our kids to these places, you know?

• 1:24:24Speaker 02

  The climbing gyms.

• 1:24:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, fuck. I'm really having...

• 1:24:27Speaker 02

  That guy's gonna go up, he's gonna...

• 1:24:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's not strapped on.

• 1:24:30Speaker 02

  He's not strapped in anything?

• 1:24:31Tom Segura?

  He's gonna come down. He's gonna come down. This is gonna hurt.

• 1:24:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is he free climbing?

• 1:24:36Tom Segura?

  Oh, Jesus Christ.

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  He's, he's solo climbing?

• 1:24:40Tom Segura?

  He's way up there now, too.

• 1:24:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think there's a mat either.

• 1:24:45Speaker 02

  Are we at thirty feet right now? He's gonna explode into dust. There he goes. Yep.

• 1:24:53Tom Segura?

  That was really loud. He's totally knocked out.

• 1:24:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know it's not America, cause here we have padded mats that you can fall on.

• 1:25:02Speaker 02

  Oh, there'd be way too many lawsuits. Yeah.

• 1:25:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  You sign your life away.

• 1:25:04Speaker 02

  We got foam pits and everything like that. This is like, this is like in Estonia or something. Yeah, that's... I mean, to the guy's credit, he tried to like spread out and do what you're supposed to do and like hit as much as your, of your body on the ground as possible.

• 1:25:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, he's just strong.

• 1:25:21Speaker 02

  Sound like a shotgun.

• 1:25:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like this. Poland. Poland, yeah.

• 1:25:24Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, let's see how he did. Let's see what it says here. Uh, he was twenty-two years old. He's practicing for a feet climb. He fifty feet, he fell.

• 1:25:32Speaker 02

  That's dead, right?

• 1:25:33Tom Segura?

  He never hooked into the fall delay system.

• 1:25:35Speaker 02

  You're dead. We just saw a man die.

• 1:25:37Tom Segura?

  He sustained a major concussion, but was conscious and was treated by firemen, EMTs. It made a slow, full recovery.

• 1:25:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:25:45Tom Segura?

  The gym is now under investigation for not properly making sure their customers are taking safety measures.

• 1:25:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:50Tom Segura?

  This was in Poland.

• 1:25:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:25:51Speaker 02

  In Poland. Yeah.

• 1:25:53Tom Segura?

  He's twenty-two, young guy, man.

• 1:25:55Speaker 02

  Use, they got the clips, get it? Like, I, I, I use all the safety precautions. Now, now that I got a kid.

• 1:26:03Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:26:04Speaker 02

  Helmet, wrist guards, I'm doing the, and that, and that's just to walk down the street.

• 1:26:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:09Speaker 02

  I got the whole thing.

• 1:26:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fuck off.

• 1:26:12Speaker 02

  Well, now that I know that he lived, I'm, I can enjoy it a little more.

• 1:26:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  He only had a concussion, is that what?

• 1:26:17Speaker 02

  That's insane. How are his lungs not flying through the back of his body?

• 1:26:21Tom Segura?

  That's insane, bro.

• 1:26:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like that one. I think that's horrible.

• 1:26:24Tom Segura?

  So far.

• 1:26:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's very high. Cause even if you hit water, maybe you jumped off a cliff, you know, like cliff diving? And you hit the water from fifty, it hurts.

• 1:26:31Speaker 02

  Done. Done.

• 1:26:33Tom Segura?

  Here's one more for you.

• 1:26:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck off.

• 1:26:37Tom Segura?

  This could go poorly. I don't even know what we're setting up here, but I feel like it's not gonna go well.

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  I say, oh, the truck's gonna tip.

• 1:26:46Speaker 02

  That's hot asphalt.

• 1:26:49Speaker 02

  Whoa. A guy flew out of the truck.

• 1:26:53Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 1:26:53Speaker 02

  Multiple air cartwheels.

• 1:26:56Tom Segura?

  That was, yeah.

• 1:26:57Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 1:26:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  But hold on, don't you feel like?

• 1:26:59Speaker 02

  The Russian judge gave it a four.

• 1:27:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Don't you think that injury could have been avoided?

• 1:27:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:27:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like.

• 1:27:05Speaker 02

  With a seatbelt.

• 1:27:05Tom Segura?

  Seatbelt would have.

• 1:27:09Speaker 02

  Tips over and then.

• 1:27:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, why are you flying out, bro?

• 1:27:13Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:27:14Tom Segura?

  Full rotation, that's pretty awesome.

• 1:27:17Speaker 02

  I don't even know how that happens. It, it, it makes you wonder if like, as the truck's tipping over, if, if he's like, let me unbuckle my seatbelt so I can get out.

• 1:27:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, maybe.

• 1:27:27Tom Segura?

  No offense, you would have flipped like three times.

• 1:27:29Speaker 02

  Oh, easy. Once again, no way that's not funny if that, if that's how I go.

• 1:27:34Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:27:34Speaker 02

  Flying dwarf, make a wish.

• 1:27:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, how did, uh, how'd Brad die? Look, check out this video. It's pretty funny.

• 1:27:40Speaker 02

  Like, you, yeah, you thought your injury went viral.

• 1:27:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  I mean, if I, if I had your injury, but on a little tyke soup?

• 1:27:49Tom Segura?

  That would be.

• 1:27:50Speaker 02

  Just slip and.

• 1:27:53Tom Segura?

  It would be insane.

• 1:27:55Speaker 02

  It's gonna be epic, no matter how I die.

• 1:27:57Tom Segura?

  All right, Kristen, you wanna show them a few?

• 1:27:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are you ready for my TikTok spread?

• 1:28:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like to focus on the marginalized communities. Giving them a voice.

• 1:28:07Tom Segura?

  There's no way that could beat a tiger.

• 1:28:10Speaker 02

  That's a mountain lion.

• 1:28:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep, mouth kissing. Look how angry and annoyed that lion is.

• 1:28:15Speaker 02

  I have.

• 1:28:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, fuck off.

• 1:28:17Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:28:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not into it.

• 1:28:19Tom Segura?

  I don't know if he does. I think it might be, look like.

• 1:28:21Speaker 02

  Is that Tyson Fury?

• 1:28:23Tom Segura?

  He's enjoying it.

• 1:28:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not in, I don't know, when I kiss our cat like that, you can tell when Munchkin enjoys it. He's tolerating it. I don't say he's enjoying it.

• 1:28:31Tom Segura?

  Of the paws, like on his head.

• 1:28:34Speaker 02

  That's just, I don't, like, this sounds hypocritical coming from me because I live with two pit bulls that could definitely kill me. But yeah, why would you, why?

• 1:28:45Tom Segura?

  You see, we find all these guys.

• 1:28:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:47Tom Segura?

  They're usually Eastern European or Middle Eastern.

• 1:28:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28:50Tom Segura?

  That have pet lions, tigers, mountain lions, Jaguars.

• 1:28:54Speaker 02

  Aight, something goes wrong, you need to get the gun. Best case scenario.

• 1:28:59Tom Segura?

  One dude that, that, um, he had people clearly at his palace.

• 1:29:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:03Tom Segura?

  And then he just released his tiger into the swimming pool. They were all in the pool and they all were like, huh, they all start freaking out.

• 1:29:08Speaker 02

  Cause you would.

• 1:29:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:09Speaker 02

  Cause that's a fucking tiger.

• 1:29:11Tom Segura?

  It's really crazy.

• 1:29:12Speaker 02

  I mean, I'm scared of like a small bird picking me up.

• 1:29:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:16Speaker 02

  That's what I have to worry about is walking down the street all, ah, like, like someone mistaken me for a, for a small rodent.

• 1:29:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:22Speaker 02

  And then there goes Brad.

• 1:29:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:24Speaker 02

  And then that's not.

• 1:29:25Tom Segura?

  By the way, that'd be a hilarious way to go.

• 1:29:26Speaker 02

  Hilarious death.

• 1:29:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yo, there's some massive birds out here.

• 1:29:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:30Tom Segura?

  Picked you up. Oh, yeah.

• 1:29:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here it is.

• 1:29:32Tom Segura?

  These guys are all like hanging out like, hey.

• 1:29:34Speaker 02

  It's a pool party.

• 1:29:35Tom Segura?

  Fun. And then homeboy's like, oh, I got a fun thing to do. Pose for the pool party.

• 1:29:42Speaker 02

  And here comes the tiger.

• 1:29:46Speaker 02

  That guy's never moved faster in his life.

• 1:29:47Tom Segura?

  Nope.

• 1:29:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never.

• 1:29:50Speaker 02

  The fat slap in the ground is very funny.

• 1:29:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:53Speaker 02

  It's always a good sound.

• 1:29:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Just get out of the pool.

• 1:29:58Tom Segura?

  So crazy.

• 1:29:59Speaker 02

  I would never swim faster.

• 1:30:01Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:30:01Speaker 02

  That's insane.

• 1:30:02Tom Segura?

  I like that it's hashtag Arab hashtag prank.

• 1:30:07Speaker 02

  Hashtag prank. Yeah. That, that, see, that's not a prank to me.

• 1:30:11Tom Segura?

  Nah.

• 1:30:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:30:12Speaker 02

  That's not a, that's not, that's not a, hey, April Fools.

• 1:30:16Tom Segura?

  Freaking out.

• 1:30:17Speaker 02

  I, I let my tiger into the pool with you.

• 1:30:19Tom Segura?

  Fuck that.

• 1:30:19Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:30:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would never hang out there again.

• 1:30:22Speaker 04

  Hi, hi, April baby. It's me, super small Skylar.

• 1:30:26Speaker 02

  That's not small. I know small. You're not small, Skylar.

• 1:30:31Speaker 04

  I'm gonna be showing you how to mod baby passes with adult teats. Simply only using your microwave.

• 1:30:38Speaker 02

  Finally.

• 1:30:38Speaker 04

  A cup of water.

• 1:30:40Speaker 02

  Thank god.

• 1:30:41Speaker 04

  Replacement teats. And either.

• 1:30:44Tom Segura?

  I think we're good. I think we can see what else is out there.

• 1:30:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  We just wanna know how to modify it so that you can do it for your adult baby fetish?

• 1:30:50Speaker 02

  I think replacement teats are playing Coachella this year. I could be wrong.

• 1:30:54Tom Segura?

  It is a good name for a band.

• 1:30:55Speaker 02

  If someone could find out, look at the lineup.

• 1:30:58Tom Segura?

  Look at them.

• 1:30:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I have to say, the people that are into adult babying, generally not attractive. They're not people.

• 1:31:04Tom Segura?

  What are you trying to say?

• 1:31:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm trying to say it's an unattractive community. They're not.

• 1:31:09Tom Segura?

  That's gonna get some, you're gonna, you're in the crosshairs now.

• 1:31:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Send me your, hey, are you like a hot adult baby fetish person? Send a pic. And be a genuine one, though. I want you to prove it. Just like those fart fetish girls. Prove it. I don't buy it.

• 1:31:22Speaker 02

  Now, here's a question. After you send your hate mail to Christine.

• 1:31:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:31:26Speaker 02

  Could you tell me, adult baby people?

• 1:31:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:31:31Speaker 02

  Are you mad you're not a midget?

• 1:31:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. I didn't think they're co-opting your culture?

• 1:31:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is cultural appropriation.

• 1:31:37Speaker 02

  Like, are you mad? Like, aren't you looking at me going like, if only?

• 1:31:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I could be that small.

• 1:31:41Speaker 02

  I could have been a dwarf, then.

• 1:31:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 1:31:44Speaker 02

  I don't have to.

• 1:31:45Tom Segura?

  And then there has to be, there has to be dwarfs. That are into adult.

• 1:31:49Speaker 02

  Oh, God willing.

• 1:31:51Tom Segura?

  And they're the gods.

• 1:31:51Speaker 02

  God willing, cuz that's just like, also, you save so much money, you just have a normal pack and play.

• 1:31:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:57Speaker 02

  You don't have to actually, you don't have to modify the crib at all.

• 1:32:01Tom Segura?

  You don't have to do this fucking stupid shit, right?

• 1:32:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're fine. Everything just fits you. You could still fit in the Oshkosh stuff.

• 1:32:07Tom Segura?

  I want you to change my di-di.

• 1:32:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have to wear adult diapers, but would you? What size diaper would you have to get?

• 1:32:14Speaker 02

  I mean, like I said, I got a dumper on me, so it'd be a big one. Yeah. Yeah, it'd be like.

• 1:32:20Tom Segura?

  It's a big di-di.

• 1:32:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a big one.

• 1:32:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:23Speaker 02

  But like, isn't that the life? If you're a dwarf, but you also have a baby play fetish?

• 1:32:29Tom Segura?

  Then you got dealt the cards you wanted.

• 1:32:31Speaker 02

  World is your oyster.

• 1:32:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's really awesome.

• 1:32:35Speaker 06

  My husband and I have been in an open relationship for 15 years, and we still regularly have to check in regarding transparency. And when I say transparency, I mean, how much do I tell my husband about what I've done with other people, and how much does he tell me? We have specific rules that we follow. We have a saying called privacy but no secrets, but it's still not the same as how much do I tell you based on what I've experienced and how you're feeling?

• 1:32:57Speaker 02

  Keep your hands still.

• 1:32:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep your fucking hands down. It makes me crazy.

• 1:33:01Speaker 06

  And afterwards, I was like, oh, my gosh, I want to tell you everything. This is what I ate, and this is what happened, and this is how I felt, and oh, my God. He said, I don't want to know the details. He said, Danielle, I'm really happy that you had a good time. I love that we give each other this freedom and this permission in our marriage, but right now, for the place that I'm in, I don't want to know the details.

• 1:33:23Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:33:23Speaker 06

  And that can be hard for me because I often feel that if I'm not providing all of the information, then I'm hiding something from my husband.

• 1:33:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  The same way. I feel the same way.

• 1:33:33Speaker 02

  Hiding all the dick.

• 1:33:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, when I go on a date, Tom, and I've got that N R E, I just want to share it with you. I want you to share the joy with me of like, what did I eat? And like, I sucked his dick, and like.

• 1:33:44Speaker 02

  I love how the details of the date that she described.

• 1:33:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:48Speaker 02

  I found so incredibly boring, like what I ate, how we talk. I'm like, hey, if we're in this thing, get to the sex part.

• 1:33:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:56Speaker 02

  Let me get my dick out. Get to the sex part.

• 1:33:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what?

• 1:33:59Speaker 02

  Talk about that.

• 1:34:00Tom Segura?

  I think he was like, I know what you did on this date and I'm good right now.

• 1:34:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:03Tom Segura?

  I don't need to hear.

• 1:34:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't want to hear it.

• 1:34:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah, because it wasn't, by the way, it wasn't the food that he didn't want to hear about.

• 1:34:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:34:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:09Tom Segura?

  He was like, I don't, you can tell me what you ate anytime. I just don't want to hear about the details of you blowing this guy.

• 1:34:16Speaker 02

  I have friends that are in open relationships and the ones that are, the ones that work, everyone is getting laid at about the same rate. The ones that don't work are the ones where, hey, we're in an open relationship.

• 1:34:29Tom Segura?

  And one's getting laid.

• 1:34:30Speaker 02

  And one's getting laid.

• 1:34:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good point.

• 1:34:32Speaker 02

  And the, and the other is not.

• 1:34:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a really good point.

• 1:34:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, if, if there's that imbalance there.

• 1:34:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, you guys get laid equally?

• 1:34:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:34:40Speaker 02

  Okay, good.

• 1:34:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Open, poly, bi.

• 1:34:42Speaker 02

  Awesome, awesome. That's good.

• 1:34:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pronouns.

• 1:34:45Speaker 02

  Like, as long as y'all are keeping your numbers up at about the same rate.

• 1:34:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:49Speaker 02

  Then you're good.

• 1:34:50Tom Segura?

  Then we're good.

• 1:34:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it. It's, it's just all I think about is dating, dating, dating. I guess I have two children and whatever and they don't mind when I go on dates.

• 1:35:01Tom Segura?

  Open poly mindset.

• 1:35:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  We've got kids, these two, by the way. It's like, I don't know how you're doing.

• 1:35:06Tom Segura?

  And he didn't want to hear.

• 1:35:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the hands. It's all about the hands.

• 1:35:11Speaker 02

  She's like, this story, this is a story about open relationships and I'm bored. How bad at storytelling do you have to be about open relationships? And I'm bored to tears.

• 1:35:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, let's fucking, ugh, boo.

• 1:35:24Speaker 04

  I love you so much.

• 1:35:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:35:27Speaker 04

  You know it. I think I'm about to have a love surge.

• 1:35:31Tom Segura?

  A love surge?

• 1:35:34Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:35:36Speaker 04

  Do you think so? I love you too.

• 1:35:41Tom Segura?

  It's the kind of guy you see at like, uh, the Don't Let the Pigeon kind of musical, right?

• 1:35:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  The low IQ adults that are attending with their children.

• 1:35:51Tom Segura?

  You know my first thought of when I saw this person doing this? I just think of the parents being like, fuck.

• 1:35:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:56Tom Segura?

  Like, his parents are like, god damn.

• 1:35:58Speaker 02

  Can you imagine being his parents and then you're at a cocktail party? And then someone goes like, hey, so how's Danny doing? And you're just like, um.

• 1:36:06Tom Segura?

  Good.

• 1:36:06Speaker 02

  Dead.

• 1:36:08Speaker 02

  He's dead.

• 1:36:08Tom Segura?

  Or another parent like, "You see this fucking dork?

• 1:36:11Speaker 02

  It's hilarious." It's your kid.

• 1:36:12Tom Segura?

  Like, that's our son.

• 1:36:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then, like, this is what I like about your podcast. I like, I like many things about your podcast.

• 1:36:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 1:36:18Speaker 02

  But one thing about the podcast that I really enjoy is you guys are bringing shame back.

• 1:36:23Tom Segura?

  Thanks, man.

• 1:36:24Speaker 02

  And I really appreciate that because-

• 1:36:26Tom Segura?

  We need shame again.

• 1:36:27Speaker 02

  Too many people are just like, "No, this is me. This is who I am. I can do whatever."

• 1:36:32Tom Segura?

  And don't be yourself.

• 1:36:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:36:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:36:34Speaker 02

  There's certain times, certain parts about yourself, everyone's like trying to live their authentic life.

• 1:36:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:36:39Speaker 02

  Keep some of that shit in.

• 1:36:41Tom Segura?

  I say this to my mother all the time. Whenever she's like, she's like, "Well, I can't help being who I am." I go, "Yes, you can and you should." Like, don't, don't say the thing that you think you can't say. You can not say it.

• 1:36:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:53Tom Segura?

  Just-

• 1:36:54Speaker 02

  You could just not.

• 1:36:55Tom Segura?

  Here's the, this should be your no, your new mantra. I'm gonna not be myself.

• 1:37:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Well, because when you think about it, you're bringing shame on your family. You're bringing shame on everything. And thankfully, my family doesn't give a fuck, so I, I do and say as I please.

• 1:37:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, um, yeah, like if you came from a normal place and-

• 1:37:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you don't have to share all your thoughts.

• 1:37:17Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:37:17Tom Segura?

  And you don't have to, definitely don't have to make videos of-

• 1:37:19Speaker 02

  Definitely don't. Like, you know, stuff happens in, in the, in the news and you have thoughts that might not be aligning. You could just not tweet it. You don't have to do the Instagram video going like, "You know, these-

• 1:37:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:33Speaker 02

  Crisis actors that were, or whatever the heck your thing is."

• 1:37:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Israel, Palestine.

• 1:37:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Like, you, like, no one, I've had a friend say, "Brad, you, you haven't posted about Israel, Palestine."

• 1:37:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't care.

• 1:37:43Speaker 02

  I, I'm gonna stop them from fighting.

• 1:37:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:47Speaker 02

  They've been fighting for thousands of years, but I'm gonna make one tweet and they're like, "Hold on, the dwarf said something. Let's check in."

• 1:37:54Tom Segura?

  Somebody also shame, tried to shame me about that.

• 1:37:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:57Tom Segura?

  Somebody was like, "Your silence-

• 1:37:59Speaker 02

  On Israel and Palestine speaks volumes.

• 1:38:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, shut up.

• 1:38:03Speaker 02

  Great. Cause I also, I don't know.

• 1:38:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know.

• 1:38:06Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:38:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know either.

• 1:38:09Speaker 02

  I'm not, I don't have the knowledge and I don't really trust the news to give me the right information.

• 1:38:14Tom Segura?

  Jokes about how their balls smell need to weigh in on this conflict?

• 1:38:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:20Tom Segura?

  That's insane.

• 1:38:20Speaker 02

  Oh, I mean, you, I mean, you have access to Ted Cruz, so in that way.

• 1:38:23Tom Segura?

  In that way.

• 1:38:26Speaker 02

  Maybe, maybe you can influence some policy.

• 1:38:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is a size sixteen eighteenth.

• 1:38:30Tom Segura?

  Jesus.

• 1:38:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  According to the CDC. I can't be true. But let me tell you something that's gonna blow your mind. Okay. Airplane seats, the ones we're all crammed into? Not all of us. They're realistically designed to fit someone who's a size six to eight comfortably. Yeah. That's based on seat widths of seventeen to eighteen inches and clothing size charts. So let me ask you this, if the seats aren't built for plus size people and they aren't built for the average person, who are they even working for?

• 1:38:53Tom Segura?

  Most people.

• 1:38:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  And here's what's wild, most of you know these, seats are too small, you've thought it yourself. How long is this airplane this woman's walking? Says it, you nod along like, yeah, they're awful. The second a fat person says it though, suddenly it's entitlement. And let's be real, that's not about the seats, that's about you.

• 1:39:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:39:14Speaker 02

  I hate videos like this.

• 1:39:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:39:16Speaker 02

  I hate videos like this that tell you what you think. You've been on the plane and you've had a thin person be like, these seats are too small and you've nodded in agreement. But, but no.

• 1:39:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Actually, I haven't.

• 1:39:26Speaker 02

  No, I haven't. That's never happened. Also, no one's gonna look at me and say these seats are too small.

• 1:39:33Speaker 02

  Cause I'm gonna be like, what are you talking about? This is great.

• 1:39:36Tom Segura?

  Fucking Cadillac we're sitting in?

• 1:39:37Speaker 02

  Duplex, I am all right.

• 1:39:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this is nonsense.

• 1:39:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. And as someone who, uh, uh, you know, uh, frequently gets denied to do certain activities.

• 1:39:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:51Speaker 02

  There's a lot of activities I just don't get to do.

• 1:39:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:54Speaker 02

  And that's just the reality of it.

• 1:39:56Tom Segura?

  It's just how a world works, right?

• 1:39:57Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:39:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:58Speaker 02

  We're not building everything for absolutely everyone.

• 1:40:00Tom Segura?

  I mean, with this person, we've done it before and people get upset, but the truth is, it's kind of what you said. This person just needs to be shamed.

• 1:40:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:06Tom Segura?

  You should be shamed for being this size and, uh, you know, like what she needs to do is just go to a camp and, and.

• 1:40:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just lose some obese. And also, by the way, America is really the only country that forbids, like allows people to be fat. And, you know, it's great. If you go to Europe, guess what? Do you think they're gonna be cool with you being overweight? They shame you into losing the weight.

• 1:40:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You may not be in Asia, they'll shame the shit out of you for being fat.

• 1:40:33Tom Segura?

  What they would tell her is like, yeah, you shouldn't fly, ever.

• 1:40:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:36Tom Segura?

  Even if, like, if it's a six day road trip, do it because.

• 1:40:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, do it. There, there's a, there's a video, maybe you guys can find it. It came across my Instagram recently about, uh, there's like either a restaurant or a theme park where it's like the thinner you are, the more of a discount you get.

• 1:40:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's awesome.

• 1:40:54Speaker 02

  Like, like they have like these doors. It's like, all right, if you can fit through this door.

• 1:40:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing.

• 1:40:59Speaker 02

  Then you get 10% off, but this door, 20% off.

• 1:41:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing.

• 1:41:02Speaker 02

  And it like encourages you to be thinner. Is that it?

• 1:41:06Tom Segura?

  Probably in Korea.

• 1:41:08Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, there it is.

• 1:41:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shit, 100% off. Do it.

• 1:41:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, she's not getting through the 100.

• 1:41:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's not getting 100% off, but she's getting 50.

• 1:41:17Tom Segura?

  She got 50.

• 1:41:18Speaker 02

  That's pretty good.

• 1:41:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good girl. Yeah, this is Asia. This is how they roll, dude.

• 1:41:23Speaker 02

  And by the way, I'm not saying this to be, to be like, oh, you, you can't feel like, cause I, I get it. Weight is hard. But it's like, we're doing this for your, your health. It's not healthy to be that size.

• 1:41:32Tom Segura?

  And then there should be a thing on the other side of that where it goes, this is how much more you're gonna pay over. You know what I mean? Like you get a surcharge.

• 1:41:40Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:41:40Tom Segura?

  If you can't fit through those, you go to the next one. They're like, all right, now you're gonna pay 10% more and then 20% more. And then that heifer in the, in the airplane, they're like, you're gonna pay triple the price.

• 1:41:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's just some things and not everyone gets to do. Okay?

• 1:41:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God. So I'm, I'm listening to this Hungarian, Hungarian, um, podcast where you like you practice listening. And this girl moved from Budapest to San Antonio two years ago. And she's like, I have gained thirty pounds. Because I love nachos. I've never had nachos before and I love nachos. And all your American food is so tasty and I'm so fat.

• 1:42:16Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, it is.

• 1:42:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  You go to Hungary, you don't eat like that.

• 1:42:19Speaker 02

  Uh, I did my first European tour last year and went to places like Copenhagen and Norway. And I was just looking around like, there's no fat people.

• 1:42:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No fatties.

• 1:42:29Speaker 02

  There, what the, and then you read the menu, it's like, it's all fish, it's all like vegetables and stuff like that. You're like, oh, okay. Yeah, didn't see one Waffle House.

• 1:42:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nothing fries.

• 1:42:39Speaker 02

  And don't be wrong, I love Waffle House. I need to stop going there because it's too good, but yeah.

• 1:42:43Tom Segura?

  Um, all right, we have to wrap up. Um, if you want to see Brad, and you should, on tour, go to bradwilliamscomedy.com. If you want to see his latest special, it's called Starfish. It's available now on YouTube.

• 1:42:55Speaker 02

  Can I plug one more thing?

• 1:42:56Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 1:42:57Speaker 02

  Uh, I just came out with a hot sauce.

• 1:42:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah.

• 1:43:00Speaker 02

  Death by Dwarf Hot Sauce.

• 1:43:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 1:43:02Tom Segura?

  How hot is it?

• 1:43:03Speaker 02

  Uh, there's one that's a ghost pepper, that's a ten out of ten. And that's, I, I tried it for a video that I'm gonna be posting soon. And it was not fun, but the other ones were really good. Mango habanero is my favorite. So just go to bradwilliamscomedy.com, there's a link, Death by Dwarf Hot Sauce. There it is.

• 1:43:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 1:43:21Tom Segura?

  Holy shit, dude.

• 1:43:22Speaker 02

  Man, they're friggin' hot sauce. And they're actual bottles. They're not like, like the little mini Tabasco ones, although we tried.

• 1:43:28Tom Segura?

  Dude, that's awesome.

• 1:43:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta send us some, we'll have it in the studio.

• 1:43:31Speaker 02

  I will absolutely send you guys some Death by Dwarf Hot Sauce.

• 1:43:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  So rad.

• 1:43:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. So, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of hot sauce collectors out there. You might have the Offspring Hot Sauce or the Lemmy Hot Sauce. Get a little, get a little Death by Dwarf Hot Sauce. It's good stuff.

• 1:43:45Tom Segura?

  Amazing. Um, thank you very much for coming in.

• 1:43:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, Brad.

• 1:43:48Tom Segura?

  Congratulations on everything.

• 1:43:49Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:43:50Tom Segura?

  And we'll see you guys. Guys, next week.

• 1:43:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bye, jeans.

• 1:43:53Tom Segura?

  Bye, fellow Americans. There's one mystery we have not yet solved in this country, and that is where all the comments.

• 1:44:03Tom Segura?

  Where's the comment?

• 1:44:06Tom Segura?

  Where's the comment?

• 1:44:43Tom Segura?

  How often am I doing this? Every day I do, you can't control.

• 1:44:49Tom Segura?

  Asshole. Cold stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff.

• 1:45:13Tom Segura?

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