Don’t Let Anger Make You Mean

"Successful, talented people are often frustrated for a simple reason: The world is constantly disappointing them. They expect everyone to be like them, to work as hard as them, to care as much as them, to hold themselves to the same standards as they do. And if not that, at the very least, we expect people to show up and do their jobs. It’s the difference between these expectations and reality that makes us angry. Angry at the man behind the counter who can’t even apologize that the flight is delayed because the airline couldn’t manage to get a pilot onto the plane. Angry at the delivery person who bent and smashed your mail into the box. Angry at the employee who disregarded instructions and made a costly mistake. Angry at this, angry at that, day after day. It’s understandable… but that doesn’t make it okay."Ryan describes why you have an obligation not to take your anger out on others on today's Daily Stoic Podcast. Sign up for Daily Stoic's Tame Your Temper challenge: http://dailystoic.com/angerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. 📢 Share | ⚙️ Manage Subscription

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Speaker 00

  Welcome to The Daily Stoic, where each day we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living the good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at dailystoic.com.

• 0:29Ryan Holiday?

  Don't let anger make you mean. Successful, talented people are often frustrated for a simple reason: the world is constantly disappointing them. They expect everyone to be like them, to work as hard as they do, to care as much as they do, to hold themselves to the same standards they do. And if not that, at the very least, we expect people to show up and do their jobs. It's the difference between these expectations and reality that makes us angry. Angry at the man behind the counter who can't even apologize that the flight is delayed because the airline couldn't manage to get a pilot onto the plane. Angry at the delivery person who bent and smashed your mail into the box. Angry at

• 1:10Ryan Holiday?

  the employee who disregarded instructions and made a costly mistake. Angry at this, angry at that, angry day after day. It's understandable, but that doesn't make it okay. Because not only is this a miserable way to live, but worse, it makes other people miserable too. And that's what is particularly inexcusable for a Stoic. You're not allowed to externalize your crap onto other people. You can't make the world worse because of your own inflexibility. We've found it a tad ironic, for instance, to see the number of customer service emails that have come in for people who have signed up for our Taming Your Temper course, which helps people with their anger problems. The things people

• 1:52Ryan Holiday?

  are comfortable saying to a faceless person behind a computer. The things people are ready to blame on everyone but themselves. "I know I signed up for the wrong email. I know I only emailed 20 minutes ago, but why isn't my problem solved right now?" The things we think we can get away with because we are stressed, because we think no one is looking, because no one has called us on it. It's not manly to get angry, Marcus Aurelius wrote. It's not natural either. It's better to be calm and controlled, he said. It's better to treat people with kindness. Don't go expecting Plato's Republic, he said. If there are brambles in the path, he said, go around. Why get angry as if the world would notice? It's wonderful that you have high standards. It's wonderful that you are demanding of yourself.

• 2:36Ryan Holiday?

  It's wonderful that you do your job, but you have to be willing to be flexible and tolerant with other people. You have to be patient. You have to keep your frustrations in check. That's what Stoicism is about. That's what the point of all of this is. Don't let yourself get away with anything less. And of course, if you do want to check out our tame your temper course, you can do that at dailystoic.com/temper. I'm not pointing the finger at anyone else. I am as guilty of this as anyone, you know, especially as computers is sort of depersonalized things. It's so easy to treat other people as appendages, to treat other people as impediments or frustrations, but we can't do that. And actually, remember, the idea in The Obstacle is the way that quote from Marcus Aurelius

• 3:20Ryan Holiday?

  comes as he's talking about frustrating people. So we have to control our tempers. We have to work to be kind. We have to work to treat other people well, to keep that rising frustration in check. And that's what we talk about in the course, which of course you can check out, dailystoic.com/temper.