Too Hot For The Gays | Your Mom's House Ep. 806

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Go to http://helixsleep.com/YMH for 20% Off Sitewide Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code YMH -- just pay $5 shipping. Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/mom or through my promo code BURNING. Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. It’s a big week in the Mommy Dome — Tommy Smurfday and Christina P kick things off with a beautiful clip reminding us that fisting is more than a hobby — it’s an identity. That flows nicely into some stories from a Por Osos gay bar takeover where Tom was apparently the belle of the very gay ball. Meanwhile, CP confesses she had a dream that Tom adopted a selfishly sinful life that involved slurping white, kinky clubbing, and hanging out with Charlize Theron. Then it’s time for a call with Tony Johns, who updates the Mommies on why he got kicked out of a local dive bar, his new OnlyFans photo hustle, and his upcoming scene with Alexis Fawx. Speaking of MILFs, Mother’s Day is around the corner, so consider grabbing one of Mommy Christina's latest lipsticks for that special broad in your life. We also get an Enny story about his dream girl who ruined it all with a single turd, and a deep dive into some toxic clips, some ladyboy goodness, and a TikTok buffet featuring sprite burps, gendered hair, buttered bread, tapi tapi, and a man with underwear on his head who may or may not be a genius. Plus Christina presents a dealbreaker scenario with a nudist and an environmentalist. This one’s packed tighter than a stuffed pet collection. Your Mom’s House Ep. 806 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit http://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT) or visit http://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: http://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 5/18/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:00 - Happy Smurfday 00:08:47 - Opening Clip: Brolapse 00:18:24 - Gay Bar Takeover & Christina's Dream 00:24:51 - Tony Johns Update 00:30:50 - Straight From The Worker's Mouth 00:40:51 - Mother's Day Lipstick Plug 00:41:19 - Clip: Different Level Woman 00:45:13 - Clip: Shopping For Cuties 00:47:44 - Nudist or Environmentalist? 00:52:11 - Enny's Inner Thoughts 00:59:17 - Christina's Curations 01:09:58 - Clip: Gender Affirming Pet Haircuts 01:11:15 - Clip: Masked Amigo 01:13:48 - Closing Song - "Let's Go Water Champ Tommy Buns Mix" by Sweet Mitchel Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Segura?

  What's everybody this weekend? I'm going to be at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul, Minnesota. Friday, April 18th, and then Alliant Energy Center in Madison, Wisconsin. Saturday, April 19th, during my Come Together Tour. Get tickets now at tomsgar.com/tour.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change. Your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 0:54Speaker 03

  You wanna fuck with my mic? But she gotta have a career.

• 0:59Speaker 03

  And fishing.

• 1:02Speaker 03

  He gotta send her flowers on a Tuesday.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  Nowadays, I be like, oh, hell nah, bitch. Oh, I'm a bad mother because I make crazy ass videos. She don't care about nothing but her fucking nut. So whatever, come on, little side bitch. Let's go get you some self-respect and dignity in a life. Don't accidentally stick your dick in a wrong hoe. I'm Molly. Stick your dick in a wrong hoe. I'm Molly. Stick your dick in a wrong hoe. I'm Molly. Stick your dick in a wrong hoe. I'm Molly. Stick your dick in a wrong hoe. I'm Molly. Stick your dick in a wrong hoe. Bitch, dawg, he is sucking. Bitch, dawg, he is sucking. Bitch, dawg, he is sucking. Bitch, dawg, he is sucking. I can't stand when somebody comment under one of my video. Is she high? No, motherfucker, I am blessed.

• 1:52Tom Segura?

  Welcome to another episode

• 1:59Tom Segura?

  to the of Your Mom's House. That was um ghetto Asian girl remix by CJQ Productions. Classic.

• 2:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was a really good one.

• 2:10Tom Segura?

  All time hit, man.

• 2:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that one's been in my head for a decade.

• 2:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, first of all, happy Smurf day.

• 2:17Tom Segura?

  Thank you.

• 2:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's your Smurf day. How old are you today now?

• 2:20Tom Segura?

  I'm forty six years old.

• 2:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang, you look every day a bit older.

• 2:26Tom Segura?

  Alright.

• 2:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you're really coming into your middle aged dad-ness. I think this is a good year for you. It's spectacular. Last year crushed for you. It's gonna be even better.

• 2:38Tom Segura?

  Thanks, Jean.

• 2:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Even fucking great.

• 2:40Tom Segura?

  You know, it was great. I was uh, after I did MSG, I went out to a big dinner. And you went to bed.

• 2:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:46Tom Segura?

  And

• 2:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't go out to late dinners.

• 2:48Tom Segura?

  At one point, Jimmy, who I work with

• 2:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Tom Segura?

  Came down to my end of the table and he was like, you know, congratulations, this is a big day. And I was like, yeah, thanks, man. He goes, hey, you know, I was um, I was looking, I was kinda doing a little trivia. Guess what year um, the Beastie Boys first did MSG?

• 3:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, ninety two?

• 3:12Tom Segura?

  That was kinda my guess. I was like, no, ninety, ninety one? He goes, eighty four.

• 3:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 3:18Tom Segura?

  Nineteen eighty four.

• 3:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  That must have been like ill communication.

• 3:21Tom Segura?

  He goes, he goes, he goes eighty four, and he goes, uh, so you're fifty two? And I go, what? And he goes, you're like fifty two? And I go, I'm forty five. And he was like, oh. So yeah, you only would have been like four or five years old. I was like, right.

• 3:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you.

• 3:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah. No, I'm not seven years older than you thought.

• 3:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you've always, people have always assumed you were older than you are.

• 3:48Tom Segura?

  Fifteen years old.

• 3:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is that attributed to? Facial hair? Body hair?

• 3:52Tom Segura?

  Kinda all of it. I was basically this size at fifteen, sixteen.

• 3:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, then, and I was shaving my face.

• 4:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  At fifteen? That's when it started?

• 4:02Tom Segura?

  Well, so this is the, the sideburns come in, then the peach fuzz comes in, but by sixteen, seventeen, I would have, you know, five o'clock shadow. And um, yeah, so I had facial hair. And when I was sixteen, seventeen, I would walk into a bar and they were like, go ahead and sit down. You're like, alright? Yeah. Not always, you know, sometimes they would know. They were like, you're not fucking 21.

• 4:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:24Tom Segura?

  But, man, that shit was fun.

• 4:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is good.

• 4:27Tom Segura?

  That's when it was cool. Now, when people are like, what are you, 55? I'm like, no, not yet.

• 4:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thanks. That thankfully, thankfully for women, they don't wanna, they don't guess your age.

• 4:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they don't like to do that.

• 4:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't wanna know. You don't need to guess. I'll just tell you.

• 4:40Tom Segura?

  There's also, there's a limit to how weird people get about that, though.

• 4:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, some people are really weird.

• 4:45Tom Segura?

  Like, if you wanna know someone, like, someone who goes like, "I will not divulge my age." You're like, what are you, what are we doing here?

• 4:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so weird, especially if you're a person that's in the public arena, like, Wikipedia knows all.

• 4:57Tom Segura?

  And some people have that hidden. There are people where they go-

• 4:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, really?

• 5:00Tom Segura?

  Sure, you can look people up, where they go, uh, "No known birthday," or, and you're like-

• 5:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  So dumb.

• 5:07Tom Segura?

  Insane.

• 5:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what's crazy, too, are, um, I knew this Hungarian mom growing up, who wouldn't let her daughter call her mom. The daughter had to call her by her first name.

• 5:19Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 5:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause she didn't want to be-

• 5:21Tom Segura?

  Oh, mom.

• 5:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mom. She didn't wanna be aged.

• 5:24Tom Segura?

  My mom is old.

• 5:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that, that's fucked up.

• 5:27Tom Segura?

  My aunt, who's been on this show, Blanca, she had this thing, this, whenever it was, you know, you'd always, when you're kids and it's one of the adults' birthdays, there's always a little celebration cake, so I'd be like, "How old are you?" Cause it's normal to be seven and ask, "How old are you?"

• 5:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:42Tom Segura?

  She would always go, "I'm 21 and one burning." And I'd go, "What?"

• 5:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 5:47Tom Segura?

  And I always thought she was saying 21 and one Bernie.

• 5:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:50Tom Segura?

  Like, the name Bernie. And I was like, "This is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard."

• 5:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:54Tom Segura?

  And the thing she was actually saying was 21 and one burning.

• 5:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I still don't understand it.

• 5:59Tom Segura?

  I guess that's, I think it's an old expression, right? Can you look that up?

• 6:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  21 and one burning.

• 6:03Tom Segura?

  21 and one burning? Like, meaning another candle's burning?

• 6:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's, that's stupid. That's not even, doesn't even make sense.

• 6:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Burning, oh, ow! It refers to the concept of burning a card in the casino in the context of blackjack. A burning card involves discarding a card from the deck to prevent cheating, can also help identify the cards left in the deck.

• 6:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I still don't understand.

• 6:25Tom Segura?

  How do you say that, why do you say that for your age? Like-

• 6:31Tom Segura?

  The statement refers to an age requirements of Burning Man? That's, she didn't know that.

• 6:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what it is? Can I tell you, can I know, I know exactly what happened to her.

• 6:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she heard it wrong?

• 6:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's the same thing my mom would do, like foreigners mess up these sayings.

• 6:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  So she would probably wanted to say, I'm only 21. And then she said, 21 and the burning, because she thought it was funny in her mind. It's not an age reference. You know what I'm saying?

• 6:59Tom Segura?

  The actual explanations are nothing like she would use it.

• 7:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, of course, foreigners, but that.

• 7:04Tom Segura?

  The saying 21 and one burning in the context of age refers to a medical rule. The rule of nines to estimate the percentage of total body surface burned. It's for skin burns.

• 7:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  But they don't, you know, they think it sounds like something.

• 7:19Tom Segura?

  It sounded clever, right? And like cute?

• 7:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 7:22Tom Segura?

  And also, by the way, was one of these people who as a child would not tell me her age.

• 7:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so stupid.

• 7:28Tom Segura?

  And I'm like, no, but how old are you for real? 21 and the burning? I go, how are you, I want to know how old you are. When do you want in one burning? I'm like, I'm seven years old. I don't even have context for aging. I don't care.

• 7:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you don't.

• 7:41Tom Segura?

  I just want to know how old you are.

• 7:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  You already think she's ancient because you're seven. So it doesn't matter to a kid.

• 7:47Tom Segura?

  When you're seven and somebody goes, I'm 24, you're like, you're about to die.

• 7:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You have no scale.

• 7:52Tom Segura?

  You're so old.

• 7:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You have no scale for that. Yeah. It's so, well, happy Smurf day.

• 7:57Tom Segura?

  Thank you.

• 7:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're going to celebrate you tonight. We're just gonna have dinner at the house.

• 8:02Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 8:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think.

• 8:03Tom Segura?

  Hopefully, um, my mother, who's 21 and one burning will, um, come over.

• 8:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I gotta tell you.

• 8:09Tom Segura?

  My sister.

• 8:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, they're gonna come over, of course. Um, I haven't bought you anything. Cause what do you buy the guy that has everything?

• 8:18Tom Segura?

  You know what I love are socks.

• 8:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, stop with this. You don't.

• 8:22Tom Segura?

  Dad's like socks and ties.

• 8:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I tell you what you've done with every gift? That you've, I've ever given you ever? Here, hand this lipstick to me.

• 8:31Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 8:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pretend like I'm you. I'm you and it's your birthday.

• 8:34Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 8:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, okay, oh, this is my.

• 8:36Tom Segura?

  Happy birthday.

• 8:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, thanks.

• 8:44Tom Segura?

  That's good job acting.

• 8:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what you do every time. Thanks. Put it away. I swear to God. And then I'll never see it again.

• 8:51Tom Segura?

  That's not true.

• 8:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't care about getting gifts. You're a gift giver.

• 8:56Tom Segura?

  Uh, well, that's probably more true.

• 8:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you like to give. You're not.

• 8:59Tom Segura?

  I do like when you get me gifts. I do like it. I do. I'll tell you what gift I would love.

• 9:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know what you want.

• 9:05Tom Segura?

  Well, no, this is a perfect introduction to it. Let's watch the opening clip and get on with the show. Happy birthday to you, Tommy. Here we go. Hey.

• 9:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here you go. Blow me up, Tom.

• 9:16Speaker 05

  Fisting is such a gigantic part of my identity that I feel like a part of me is gone. I feel like there's a big vacancy left where fisting, I don't know what to do with myself during most of the days. I spent so much time playing with my ass and sitting on toys and just playing on cam and like just being a general pig with my butthole that trying to fill the days now is really kind of weird.

• 9:41Tom Segura?

  Fuck yeah.

• 9:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I get it. I get that.

• 9:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mom Segura. Oh, wow.

• 9:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here, Mom. Burt.

• 10:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's your mom's house. It's your birthday, Tommy. You're 87 years old today. Today you look like you're 90. But you're only 45 years. You're only 45.

• 10:17Tom Segura?

  Forty-six.

• 10:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Forty-six, yeah. You are so old and you should get a facelift this year. Just your lower bleeds. Get those done.

• 10:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. Do we know?

• 10:34Speaker 05

  Just being a general pig with my butthole.

• 10:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do we know why he lost his love of life?

• 10:38Tom Segura?

  I think he prolapsed or something and it's like a real, it's difficult. There's a part two. Here you go.

• 10:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 10:43Speaker 05

  I don't have a lot of other hobbies and so it's kind of forcing me to take a mirror to myself and look at myself and figure out who I am.

• 10:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? No.

• 10:50Speaker 05

  My hole. Because I don't really know who that is anymore because I've been kind of one with my hole for so long. It's been giving me purpose and so now I have to kind of figure out what that looks like without it.

• 11:02Tom Segura?

  That is, by the way, such a dedication to playing with your asshole. That he doesn't even know how to describe life without toying with his asshole.

• 11:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's an existential crisis.

• 11:14Tom Segura?

  He's having a real life crisis right now. He's like, what the fuck? I don't have hobbies. I play with my asshole. I put toys in it. I'm on cam. People fuck it and fist it. And now what am I supposed to do? Read?

• 11:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right. And mind you, he's no spring chicken. He's well into his 30s. I venture almost 40.

• 11:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he's been doing nothing.

• 11:33Tom Segura?

  Although I gotta say this.

• 11:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking his own asshole.

• 11:35Tom Segura?

  Sir, um, I appreciate the vulnerability.

• 11:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 11:40Tom Segura?

  The honesty.

• 11:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 11:41Tom Segura?

  Um, you know, not a lot of people would share this, but you're just like, what the fuck? You know what he reminds me of? Like a guy who's retiring from 15 years in the NBA.

• 11:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 11:50Tom Segura?

  Who's like, I've been playing basketball every fucking day.

• 11:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do I do now?

• 11:53Tom Segura?

  And now I get up and there's no practice. You know what I mean? There's no, there's no shoot around. There's no stretching treatment. Like, what am I supposed to do?

• 12:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 12:00Tom Segura?

  You gotta figure out something to do. I'm retired. His asshole was his life.

• 12:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was his championship.

• 12:05Tom Segura?

  Now, one thing I don't have context of is, is what you asked. What exactly happened? I mean, I'm, I'm making the assumption that his asshole took him out of the game.

• 12:13Speaker 06

  That's correct. Yeah. He prolapsed real bad and he had to go to the hospital for a while.

• 12:18Tom Segura?

  Fuck.

• 12:19Speaker 06

  He had to like shit into a colostomy bag.

• 12:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you don't want that. You don't want that. You don't want that.

• 12:24Tom Segura?

  His asshole's just out of commission now.

• 12:26Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah. And now he hosts the BroLapse Podcast.

• 12:30Tom Segura?

  Which is just about life after his asshole.

• 12:34Speaker 06

  Nope.

• 12:34Tom Segura?

  That's fucking wild.

• 12:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  We gotta get into this show.

• 12:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this is so cool. There's gotta be other gentlemen out there that have lost.

• 12:41Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. There's, there's probably a lot of people that are like, oh, thank God you're doing this.

• 12:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank God. What is life without fisting your own asshole?

• 12:49Tom Segura?

  Nothing more important than getting a good night's sleep. You have to get the best sleep you can possibly get. And there's a lot of ways you can do that, but one of them is by getting an amazing mattress, like the one they sell at Helix. We've been now sleeping on a Helix for a minute.

• 13:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my gosh. And I tell you, the best part is you go on their website, you take their quiz and dependent upon how you sleep, are you a side sleeper?

• 13:12Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 13:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you sleep on your back? Do you like soft heart? Whatever.

• 13:15Tom Segura?

  Sleeping temperature.

• 13:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it's fantastic.

• 13:17Tom Segura?

  Do you sleep with a? Multiple partners. Yeah. Or solo. Yes. That's going to dictate a lot of things. They have a cooling mattress, covers for hot sleepers. They have memory foam padding for side sleepers. And look, you just have to tell them how you like to sleep, and they've got the mattress for you. Go to helixsleep.com/ymh for 20% off sitewide. That's helixsleep.com/ymh for 20% off sitewide. Helixsleep.com/ymh. Have better sex with BlueChew. BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets.

• 13:58Tom Segura?

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• 14:41Tom Segura?

  That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy for when someone goes, pills to make your dick hard? Let me tell you something, these things are unbelievable. I take them day and night, sometimes just on a drive home, and I just see where the car takes me. They really work. I'm hard most of the day, and it's all thanks to these guys. I could not recommend them enough, even if you're like, I don't need them. Yes, you do. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluechew.com. We've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of BlueChew free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information, and we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast.

• 15:26Tom Segura?

  Converting vanilla into... Vanilla gays. Into fist pigs, one hole at a time.

• 15:35Tom Segura?

  I mean, what's this other one say? This top right one? Is that a different one? Can you hit that? To see what he's talking about here?

• 15:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fist pick. That's fantastic.

• 15:43Speaker 05

  Was this thing changed at all during this experience? Or like the way you connect with it, like either emotionally or spiritually? Did it change after you went through this traumatic experience?

• 15:51Speaker 07

  I'm just, I'm just conscious, more conscious. Like before I knew there was like a risk, but like every risk you always think that that's not going to happen to me. But I mean, I'm a small guy. I'm short, so I'm, I think in, I'm five, seven, five, five, seven. So I was like pushing myself too much because I wanted to be at the same level of other content creators.

• 16:18Speaker 05

  That's the problem with content today. That's what I think is like a big, it's like this competitive.

• 16:22Tom Segura?

  This is insane.

• 16:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this. I love this.

• 16:25Tom Segura?

  This is a, you just up it. This is a support group for other guys who have also destroyed their assholes.

• 16:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:35Tom Segura?

  Trying to push it. He's like, I, now I gotta think about it. I used to just, I'm small, I'd push, I'd push the envelope. And then now you push too hard.

• 16:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a very specific niche brand. Yeah. It's working for him. But do you think porno stars like the women out there are like, my pussy's so battered?

• 16:51Tom Segura?

  No, because your pussy's meant for it. That's the other thing.

• 16:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:56Tom Segura?

  And I'm not, this is not about the Lord striking us all dead for playing with our assholes, but it is designed for it.

• 17:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes. Stretching.

• 17:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's, it's for that. So I saw a video one time when I was doing research of a woman who was.

• 17:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Research?

• 17:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I was doing research for a school thing.

• 17:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 17:13Tom Segura?

  And she was doing anal sex and her entire inside would come out and she would just put it back in.

• 17:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope.

• 17:22Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 17:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No thanks, Tom Hanks.

• 17:24Tom Segura?

  She would just be like, yeah, put it back in.

• 17:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, you know how tight I am about my sphincter. You don't want to start toying with that. You can't, it's not replaceable, guys. You only get one of them. They don't do, they don't do colon transplants.

• 17:37Tom Segura?

  Also, this guy-

• 17:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're fucked.

• 17:38Tom Segura?

  He is, the look on his face in the one that we played is like, I just lost my parents. Like, uh, no, that's what it feels like. Like an orphan who's like, I don't know.

• 17:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he is truly lost. He's, well, let's put it in his perspective. He lost his pleasure zone-

• 17:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And his way to make a living.

• 17:54Tom Segura?

  Go back to where you just had it.

• 17:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  So it is a financial as well as physical and spiritual hardship.

• 17:59Tom Segura?

  So this is how deep this is.

• 18:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 18:00Tom Segura?

  On March 20th, my life took an, this just happened. An unexpected turn. A severe accidental internal injury led to a perforation in my sigmoid colon-

• 18:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh, fuck.

• 18:11Tom Segura?

  In emergency surgery. The result, a temporary colostomy bag and a long road to healing. The photos of me, raw healing human. Honestly, I've got no shame about the bag. If anything, I'm more embarrassed that they shaved me from the tits down. Nobody wanted me, I'd wake up looking like a half corrode.

• 18:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what you're embarrassed about?

• 18:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  The shaving? I didn't even notice it until he-

• 18:30Tom Segura?

  The people are checking in with them and, you know, this is a huge, yeah, this is a life pivoting moment. It's a kind of ironic that it's happening, like, we're learning of this, um, the week that we, a week after, we went to the Iron Bear, which is a gay bar here in Austin, because we had a huge Porosos takeover there. Where we, we were in the bar, we were giving, you know, it was bears on bears on bears. It was the two bears with all the other bears. And let me tell you something, that was one of the most fun nights we've, it doesn't compare to the other bar takeovers we did. It was so festive. It was so fun. They were so welcoming.

• 19:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 19:06Tom Segura?

  We were told that we were, that we could get fucked by these guys. It was really flattering. Guys were like, yeah, you know, if you wanna, I could do things to you and, and, um-

• 19:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  What kind of guys? Were they bears? Other bears or cubs or twink's or what are you, what are we talking?

• 19:20Tom Segura?

  It was all kinds. It was all kinds. It was all kinds. And the best thing was that Bert insisted, he was wearing the most absurd outfit, you know?

• 19:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:28Tom Segura?

  Like, he was wearing, like, he was going to, like, a fuck club.

• 19:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:31Tom Segura?

  And, yeah, he was wearing that, right? And he kept asking them, hey, who would you, who would you want between the two? And before he could finish the sentence, they'd go, him, Tom, like, every time. And I was like, yeah, this is awesome. And he, he kept going, what the fuck? Why did I wear this?

• 19:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, now he knows how ladies feel. Well, he looks very fat. He's so fat there. Oh, wow. You know what he looks like? He's about pregnant. Remember when I had to wear that support belt?

• 19:56Tom Segura?

  He looks like a guy that you would see at a club, though, right?

• 19:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the harness?

• 20:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, the harness and the belly and yeah.

• 20:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. He's wearing a captain's hat, too. So funny.

• 20:06Tom Segura?

  It was great. It was actually really. But he took those off, the shorts, and his ass cheeks were out. And he said guys were running their fingers through his crack.

• 20:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  See it.

• 20:17Tom Segura?

  They were touching his crack.

• 20:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  He is so brave, I tell you.

• 20:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You love Burt's Fun. By the way, I'm a little mad at you still because this morning I woke up and I was fucking so furious at you, dude, because I had this dream about you. Speaking of like leather daddy, so here's the dream. I dreamt that you and I.

• 20:37Tom Segura?

  Say it again. I what? I?

• 20:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  You what? I woke up furious with you.

• 20:42Tom Segura?

  Because I.

• 20:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I dreamt that you did something terrible. Did you want to hear what you fucking did?

• 20:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was so mad at you. I really wanted to fucking just kill you in your sleep. I was so fucking pissed. I really was.

• 20:56Tom Segura?

  Okay, go on.

• 20:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know if you noticed, I was a little extra loud this morning when I was making my coffee. I was like, fucking wake him up. I don't give a shit.

• 21:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Any hootles? I dreamt that you basically got into some really weird kinky sexual things, like, but absurd, like the kind of shit that we cover. Guys in like, plastic masks.

• 21:18Tom Segura?

  Latex.

• 21:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  The latex guys, and then you were really in the dream into felching, like you would suck cum out of a butthole with a straw. And I was like, babe, I can't do this. And Charlize Theron was there with all these other, I love her too. Which is like conflicted for me. It was conflicting because I really like her in real life, you know? And she was like, yeah, all the celebrities come to this club and we all sign NDAs and you can come here and do whatever you want.

• 21:49Tom Segura?

  Just be a pig.

• 21:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I turned to you and I go, great, I'm divorcing you. I'm taking all your money and I'm taking your kids. Enjoy your fucking life, Tom. And I was super mad. Are you listening to me?

• 22:00Tom Segura?

  I'm listening.

• 22:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  So selfish.

• 22:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because you didn't come after me and you were like stoked that now you get to have this new fucking sexual deviant lifestyle.

• 22:09Tom Segura?

  With Charlize.

• 22:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gave it all up.

• 22:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gave up your family so that you could felch.

• 22:14Speaker 05

  I spent so much time playing with my ass.

• 22:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was so mad at you.

• 22:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So disgusting. Guys do that all the time.

• 22:22Speaker 05

  Who I am without my hole.

• 22:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guys just leave their families.

• 22:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, to join sex clubs.

• 22:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  To do sexual stuff.

• 22:28Tom Segura?

  Didn't you say there was some piss in there too? Some piss play?

• 22:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, like people peeing on each other. It was like sick looking people like when I had my colonoscopy the other day.

• 22:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  We were in the waiting room and there were like these two gay guys and they looked really fucking ill.

• 22:40Tom Segura?

  They looked ill, yeah.

• 22:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a lot of people getting colonoscopies don't look good.

• 22:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know? Yeah, they were like sick looking gay dudes. Anyway, I'm fucking so pissed. I hate you so much. It took me like all morning to come down from that rage. Oh, what? I hate that one.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  Come for me.

• 22:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Shut up. No woman, shut up.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  Okay, you come.

• 23:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ew!

• 23:07Tom Segura?

  I would, I would join if Leo was there. I would go to that club.

• 23:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Leo, oh him, yeah.

• 23:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that guy.

• 23:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I'm a leaner.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Let me see all that come.

• 23:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 23:15Tom Segura?

  So, yeah, I would love to join. I mean, you know, I would love to try the piss thing at a club. I think that'd be fun.

• 23:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nothing burger. Honestly, if you were like, I want you to pee on me, I'd be like, yeah, who cares? That, that to me is a big-

• 23:27Tom Segura?

  I didn't say I want to pee on me. I want to pee on someone, I said.

• 23:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  You could pee on me, that's a big nothing burger.

• 23:31Tom Segura?

  Oh, really?

• 23:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't care. I wouldn't want to drink it.

• 23:34Tom Segura?

  I kind of like when I see like a woman terrified.

• 23:38Tom Segura?

  You know what I mean? Like really scared. That's a good-

• 23:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's easy to do too.

• 23:42Tom Segura?

  You could do that?

• 23:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 23:43Tom Segura?

  Show me. No. No.

• 23:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's my botox? I got too much botox, I can't-

• 23:48Tom Segura?

  No, be more like real. I want to, I want, I like when it's like-

• 23:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I don't want to do that.

• 23:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like in your shows.

• 23:56Tom Segura?

  And then you have to say like, let me go. Like if you say something like that.

• 23:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please, sir.

• 24:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah. That's good. That's good.

• 24:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't make me hurt your dog. You know where that's from, don't you? Yeah? You know where that's from. Oh, like you don't know that movie by heart?

• 24:12Tom Segura?

  Don't let me, don't make me hurt you.

• 24:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, good. Come on, mister. Her leg's broken. She's hurting real bad. Don't make me hurt your dog. Come on, you love this guy. Ah!

• 24:29Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 24:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It places the lotion in the basket.

• 24:32Tom Segura?

  Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. It finds the lamp. Sorry, sorry.

• 24:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You about to size sixteen?

• 24:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's good, that's good.

• 24:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Federica Bimmel. She a great big fat, oh, oh, yeah, she goes, oh, she a great big fat potion. Oh. Oh, by the way, I mean, guys leave their families all the time for sexual things, just for sex. It's crazy to me.

• 24:55Tom Segura?

  I mean, sex is cool.

• 24:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then sometimes chicks do too, very rarely.

• 24:58Tom Segura?

  Sometimes they do.

• 24:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those chicks are cool, though.

• 25:00Tom Segura?

  I've spent so much time just toying with my asshole like a pig. I don't know what to do now.

• 25:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a fist pig, Tom.

• 25:05Tom Segura?

  I'm a fist pig.

• 25:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a hardcore fist pig.

• 25:07Tom Segura?

  Speaking of.

• 25:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fist pig, fuck.

• 25:10Tom Segura?

  The storyline of storylines of this year. Tony Johns, who we checked in with a little while ago.

• 25:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 25:17Tom Segura?

  Has been continuously and continually getting kicked out of places. And a couple nights ago, he posted that Curly's, a bar in, in Auburn, New York, gave him the boot.

• 25:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 25:32Tom Segura?

  He went right out and told this story.

• 25:34Speaker 08

  So now.

• 25:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 25:36Speaker 08

  Curly's out here. Hear me out. I, I got a whole bag here full of, full of photos. Um, you know, uh, twenty, twenty bones, you know.

• 25:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nice.

• 25:46Speaker 08

  Cash at Vemos. And the bartender here at Curly's, I, you know, I tried to give her a, a photo as a donation. You know, as, you know, just to be nice, you know, a, a local, uh, nice man here.

• 25:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:59Speaker 08

  Uh, Curly's Auburn, New York. And, uh, she said, oh, no, we don't do that here. I said, what? She said, oh, no, we don't do that here. I said, it's a donation. It's a photo for a donation. It's a donation. It's for the bar. A donation. You know what I'm saying? It's a photo donation. She said, oh, no, you're eighty-six out, out Curly's. Don't ever come back here again. I said, what?

• 26:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid.

• 26:21Speaker 08

  She said, oh, no, don't ever come back here again. You're eighty-six. I said, yes, ma'am. Perfect. I'm gonna, I'm gonna walk out. You know, I, I want no problems. I'm gonna walk out. You'll never see me again in this bar. Adios, Curly.

• 26:34Tom Segura?

  That's pretty wild. Um, and then is there follow-up to this story? Is that what I'm hearing?

• 26:40Speaker 08

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:40Tom Segura?

  Scroll up a little bit. Thanks, cutie pie. Okay, what's this one?

• 26:45Speaker 08

  Yeah, I'm just, uh, just rolled out of bed, literally.

• 26:50Speaker 08

  I'm just waiting for the bus now. I just rolled out of bed, fresh out of bed. I gotta go grab me a few swigs and uh.

• 26:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, fuck yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 08

  I don't know, I gotta get me uh, gotta get me some laundry detergent. I gotta get me a few uh, a few loads done uh, this afternoon, so. Nice uh, nice kickback day today, but I do, you know, just wanna say I appreciate the bartender at Curly's. She did apologize uh, last night. She called me. And uh, hey, no worries, sweetie. I, I, I appreciate, you know, your uh, your subscription. You know, I really, really do. I really, really do appreciate your subscription, 100%. You know, you're an absolute sweetheart and you're an absolute uh, you know, tall glass of water. So, thank you, sweetie.

• 27:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  He does like the tall brunettes.

• 27:35Tom Segura?

  He's been um, well, I'm glad. It sounds like she, you know, kinda sorted herself out after 86-ing a local celebrity.

• 27:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think she understands that he's just hustling. He's just, he's a worker and he's doing work.

• 27:47Tom Segura?

  And these photos are rad. And, and by the way, you, if you follow him online, you can get yourself a photo. Uh, this one came here to the office. It's uh, autographed by Tony Johns. He's in his Speedo. Or his little tidy um, uh, underwear.

• 28:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's a Speedo. It's a, he's at Tony Michael Johns 96.

• 28:09Tom Segura?

  It's a great handle.

• 28:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a great handle.

• 28:12Tom Segura?

  I think uh, Cougar got a personalized one.

• 28:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Cougar? How lucky. He's signed it and everything. So, I have a feeling if you're nice to Tony and you, you request it, he'll sign it.

• 28:22Tom Segura?

  Can we find out what's going on with him?

• 28:25Tom Segura?

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• 30:04Tom Segura?

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• 31:08Speaker 10

  Yo yo, what's going on?

• 31:09Tom Segura?

  Hell yes, what's up T?

• 31:12Speaker 10

  Yep, yep, yep. Oh baby, come on.

• 31:15Tom Segura?

  Hey man, um, first of all-

• 31:17Speaker 10

  Oh yo, Tom.

• 31:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah dude, how you doing?

• 31:19Speaker 10

  Yo dog, I'm doing really good. Hey bro, I got a, a whole bunch of donations, yes sir, and I'm walking back to my, uh, my place here with the Little Caesars, uh, donation there. Yes sir, it's a pretzel pizza and, uh, some Italian, uh, crazy bread. Nice. And, uh, oh yo, Tom, it's, there's been a lot of craziness going on out here, brother.

• 31:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I know.

• 31:41Speaker 10

  Um, holy shit.

• 31:43Tom Segura?

  So what's, what's happened lately? What's going on?

• 31:46Speaker 10

  So, um, my, uh, landlord, uh, still don't have any keys to my building. Hmm. And my, uh, it's craziness, brother, and I asked my landlord and the, the manager there, uh, Scott Chaplin, James Myers, I asked him several times to give me keys. They wouldn't give me no keys, man, and enough's enough. I needed to get in my building. It's raining out here, it's snowing out here. Oh, snowing. I ended up just having enough and just blowing down the whole door.

• 32:14Tom Segura?

  Oh shit.

• 32:15Speaker 10

  Enough's enough. Yes sir, 35 Market Street, enough's enough. I blew down the whole fucker and it's still, uh, Monday, I believe.

• 32:21Tom Segura?

  So how do you-

• 32:21Speaker 10

  And it's still-

• 32:22Tom Segura?

  Did you get in trouble for that?

• 32:24Speaker 10

  Uh, yes sir. I, I was arrested and, uh, charged with, uh, criminal mischief. Yes sir.

• 32:30Tom Segura?

  So how's, um, what's, what's the, first of all, for your housing, I assume you're, you're in the process of being evicted though, right? They're evicting you?

• 32:39Speaker 10

  Oh, yes sir, yep. So I go to court with these crazy guys on the 15th and, uh, yes sir.

• 32:45Tom Segura?

  What's your, what's your angle gonna be in court? What are you gonna say when the judge says, "Hey, you're being evicted"? Are you paying your rent?

• 32:52Speaker 10

  I'm, I'm gonna, I'm an honest man. I'm a straight, uh, straight shooter. See, like, right now, uh, Tom, I'm literally walking inside. You can walk in when you want to and you can leave when you want to. There ain't no locks no more because I ain't got no keys, brother. So you can come in when you want and you can leave. See, watch.

• 33:08Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 33:09Speaker 10

  See, I'm in the building now.

• 33:10Tom Segura?

  So what will you tell the judge though? That you, that you can't pay?

• 33:14Speaker 10

  Now I can pay, it's just these guys have been treating me like garbage, man.

• 33:18Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 33:19Speaker 10

  Like I'm a good dude. I was assaulted by both of these crazy men. I was.

• 33:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's insane.

• 33:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's.

• 33:27Speaker 10

  Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying, dude.

• 33:28Tom Segura?

  So.

• 33:29Speaker 10

  That's why I'm not like paying rent, dude, because dude, there's, there's, there's been uh feces left on my door. I don't know, like dog poo or chocolate or some craziness. And I just passed out and I had enough and I said, no, enough's enough, you know, and then I was assaulted and.

• 33:46Tom Segura?

  What, what are your, what are your plans if the judge orders you to leave the building? You have, you have to go somewhere. Where are you gonna go?

• 33:52Speaker 10

  Oh, yes, sir. Um, to be honest, Tom. Ah, I'll be all right, man. I'll uh, I'll uh, you know what? They always keep the lights on at the motel six, sir.

• 34:04Tom Segura?

  That's true. What about getting out of Auburn? What about just leaving Auburn for good?

• 34:10Speaker 10

  Ah.

• 34:12Speaker 10

  Ah, man, I like it out here, man. You know, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's a struggle and I'm trying my hardest, Tom. I like it out here, man.

• 34:20Tom Segura?

  Now, we were just telling our audience that um another way to show support a fan, you are selling these photos, right? You can, you, you sell the photos?

• 34:30Speaker 10

  Oh, yes, sir. Yes, I'm, I really do like, uh, like the photos.

• 34:34Tom Segura?

  So how do people get a photo? What, what's the process?

• 34:37Speaker 10

  Oh, yes, sir. Uh, so, uh, you can either, uh, shoot me a, shoot me a buzz, you know, text me, call me. Uh, Instagram, uh, DM, uh, Facebook, uh, DM. Uh, yes, sir. I got them, uh, twenty a pop, sir. Uh, there, Tom, uh, Cash App, Vemo. And, uh, yeah, call me, text me, I'm, I'm here for you. You want it, you want a photo donation? You, you got it. Yes, yes, sir.

• 34:59Tom Segura?

  Okay, and another way you're raising funds is we're trying to promote your OnlyFans, right?

• 35:05Speaker 10

  Yes, sir. Yep, yep.

• 35:05Tom Segura?

  And you're putting, and you're doing a bunch of solo content right now?

• 35:08Speaker 10

  Oh, yes, sir, and I'm loving it, brother. Like, seriously, man, it's, it's, dude, like, it's, yes.

• 35:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Excellent.

• 35:15Tom Segura?

  That's awesome.

• 35:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I'm so proud of your hustle, Tony. I love that you're printing out these photos. They're lovely. They're very high quality and you sign them for the fans. You are just, you're, you're, you're about to pop off. You really are with the Lexus.

• 35:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, that's coming up. And before we get to that, though, because there's something I want to ask you about that, about the scene. Um, what happened at Curly's? Why'd you get eighty-six from there?

• 35:38Speaker 10

  Oh, dude, so like, yo, it's crazy, so. Oh, it's the craziest thing ever. So I had a, you know, I had a few photos left, uh.

• 35:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:45Speaker 10

  And I, uh, you know, the, there was a, there was a cutie, you know, tall, tall brunette, a bartender.

• 35:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:51Speaker 10

  And what I ended up doing, uh, there, Tom and Christina.

• 35:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 10

  Ended up, uh, pinning my, uh, my photo on the back there on the back wall and it was me with the bandana and a hat and.

• 36:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 10

  You know, um, cause I have to keep my head warm, you know, it's winter time.

• 36:04Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 36:05Speaker 10

  Um, but I just pinned a photo on the back there, cause, uh, there was a back there where it said like, looking like people pin up their stuff like for work and, you know, like, you know, if they need laborers or whatnot.

• 36:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 10

  You know, there's, there's just a, you know, board you can pin stuff up. And, uh, I end up pinning, pinning it up on the board, going to the bathroom and coming back to watch the Florida game. It was an amazing game, Florida.

• 36:29Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 36:30Speaker 10

  Um, and yeah, I, um, she, uh, she took it like really, really offensive. She was like, no, we don't promote, huh, we don't promote OnlyFans, like, and I'm, I'm sitting back here like, whoa, what's, what, what are you talking about? Uh, and I was trying to be honest, like, hey, that's, that's, that's a donation for, for your bar. My name's Tony Michael Johns. I don't know if you know me, you know, but I'm a good dude. I'm just, I'm, I'm trying to get my name out here. I'm trying to, you know, do comedy skits. I'm trying to do, you know, I'm just trying to make an honest dollar, lady. Hmm. Like I'm, I'm giving this, uh, photo and I signed my name on it and, uh, for a donation. And she said, oh no, she said, oh no, you're eighty-six. And I said, whoa, what, what's going on? She's like, get out. And I said, yes, ma'am. I ended up just walking. I said, hey.

• 37:14Speaker 10

  And then, uh, you know, a few hours later, I was at a, I was at a, uh, another, another local, uh, pub there. Uh, AT Wally's, you know, just kicking back, relaxing, cause I was in shock. I was like, yo. I just gave this lady a, a free, a twenty dollar, you know, donation, uh, photo there. And, uh, she, she eighty-sixed me out the bar. I'm like, yo, I, I was just watching, you know, it's craziness. That's terrible.

• 37:37Tom Segura?

  Crazy. Now, did she reach out later?

• 37:41Speaker 10

  Yes, sir. Yep, yep. So a few hours later, I was at, uh, AT Wally's and, uh, she ended up calling me and, um. And you know, she probably did a research on me then, like looked me up and whatnot. She, she really did. She was like, hey, I'm very, very sorry. Uh, Tony Michael Jones, you know, called me ladies man.

• 37:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 37:58Speaker 10

  She said, oh, oh yeah. She was like, yo, I, you, you know, you're not eighty sixth anymore. I really appreciate you, you know? Uh, just because I, I try to do my best, you know, just to, you know, with, you know, I, I just, I don't know, like, I didn't want, I, I wasn't trying to offend anybody. And it's like, you know, like, super, super nice lady, you know, she said, hey, you can come back anytime, you know? Uh, grab a soda, you know, is what I usually get when I go to these bars. I party sober now, Tom.

• 38:25Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 38:26Speaker 10

  Um, yes, sir.

• 38:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, are you doing cameos now?

• 38:30Speaker 10

  Yes, ma'am. Yes, Christina. Yes. Oh, yes, ma'am. And I'm loving those too.

• 38:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's great.

• 38:35Tom Segura?

  How much is Cameo?

• 38:37Speaker 10

  Ah, so I got them a eighteen a pop, but I, um, I, I, I like giving, you know, discounts. They're like ten bucks right now, ten bucks.

• 38:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's great. So if somebody wants to wish somebody else happy birthday or good luck.

• 38:49Speaker 10

  Yes.

• 38:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can have Tony Johns do it on Cameo. That's amazing.

• 38:53Tom Segura?

  That is pretty cool.

• 38:53Speaker 10

  Oh, yes. How you been though, Christina?

• 38:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm good. Thanks for asking, sweetie. We're just, you know, I, again, I'm so proud of you and your hustle here, printing these photos of yourself and I think your future is very bright. You just, just stay out of trouble though, okay?

• 39:08Speaker 10

  Yes, ma'am. Yeah, I can't get arrested anymore.

• 39:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, don't get arrested. Don't get arrested.

• 39:12Tom Segura?

  And also, everybody is thinking literally every day about your upcoming scene with Alexis Fox. And wondering, how do you feel about this kind of, uh, you know, law enforcement scenario, right? Where you're being arrested, she's the arresting officer. She's taking you back to get fingerprinted and strip searched and everything. And then her boss, her sergeant, Officer Cum Dump walks in and he orders her to do a more thorough search.

• 39:49Speaker 10

  Yes, sir. I am one hundred percent game. Strip me down, take my boots and do it. Would you? Yes, yes, sir. Yes, man.

• 39:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right.

• 39:56Tom Segura?

  All right, cool.

• 39:57Speaker 10

  Strip, strip me, strip me.

• 39:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. And you're cool if, um, uh, this actor RPC, um, joins the scene, right?

• 40:06Speaker 10

  Oh, yes. Oh, I would love that.

• 40:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, awesome. Okay.

• 40:09Tom Segura?

  He's a legend.

• 40:10Speaker 10

  Yes, sir. Oh, yeah. Take my boots, strip me, strip me down. Yes, man.

• 40:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's gonna go viral.

• 40:14Speaker 10

  I need to be fucked a lot.

• 40:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 40:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Okay, cool. Well, we're gonna actually, um, check in with him and, um, see if we can tie all this together, okay?

• 40:25Speaker 10

  Oh, yes, please. Yo, this is amazing.

• 40:27Tom Segura?

  Hey, stay out of trouble, Tony.

• 40:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, please.

• 40:29Speaker 10

  Yes, sir. Thank you for the, for the, for the, you know, buzz, Tom. Thanks for the phone.

• 40:33Tom Segura?

  Absolutely. We'll talk to you soon.

• 40:35Speaker 10

  Yes, sir. Thank you.

• 40:36Tom Segura?

  Okay, bye bye.

• 40:37Speaker 10

  Bye, bye, guys.

• 40:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, I think a cameo with Tony Johns would be amazing.

• 40:42Tom Segura?

  That's a great way.

• 40:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a great way for him to make some scratch. A lot easier than OnlyFans, too, even.

• 40:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you don't have to come.

• 40:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you have to take your peener out. You can make those anywhere in public.

• 40:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's so cool.

• 40:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, guys, get your cameos, order the photos, I think.

• 40:58Tom Segura?

  Let's, um, let's do a quick pee break.

• 41:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you got a whiz? Okay, okay, okay.

• 41:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, anyway, I wanted to plug, Mother's Day is just around the corner. What better gift to get her than Christina P. lipstick? Go to christinap.com. I suggest just getting all four in one pop. Order it now so that you make sure to get it by Mother's Day. Celebrate your mom.

• 41:25Tom Segura?

  Celebrate your mom. Get your mommy something.

• 41:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Get your mom something. I am wearing the perfect red right now, and it really is a love power factor.

• 41:33Tom Segura?

  It's great.

• 41:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love that.

• 41:34Tom Segura?

  Um, got a cool clip to show you.

• 41:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, good. Let's, let's party.

• 41:39Speaker 11

  I'm straight. I'm dating ladyboy, and I don't think I'm gay. I'm attracted to Chini. She looks like a woman. She's very beautiful. She's very feminine. How does it make me gay? How about [BLEEP]? That's a good question. I feel like in 2025, there are two types of women. There is women with a [BLEEP] and women with a [BLEEP]. Same skin. And it's the same tissue. It's just different form of the same thing.

• 42:00Speaker 12

  Women different level.

• 42:01Speaker 11

  She's definitely a woman to me and that's how I see her. It's part of you and I love you and I love every part of you.

• 42:07Speaker 12

  And you know what? You don't need to answer anyone. People just curious because they're jealous.

• 42:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you hear Annie?

• 42:13Speaker 13

  Yeah.

• 42:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Annie, her head is through the wall.

• 42:15Speaker 13

  And he's like, yo.

• 42:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, what are you feeling when you watch that?

• 42:18Speaker 13

  That's fucking, she ain't even trying to do the trans voice. She's just letting it rip like.

• 42:22Tom Segura?

  But, but be honest. If this was.

• 42:25Speaker 13

  No.

• 42:25Tom Segura?

  No, no, no. If this was videos shown in a different context and you're just seeing her. You don't know right away. Like she, she does present.

• 42:32Speaker 13

  Let me see again.

• 42:34Tom Segura?

  She's here.

• 42:35Speaker 13

  Yeah, let me, let me see the, the full body. I mean, titties are small. It's kind of a.

• 42:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but come on.

• 42:40Speaker 13

  It's a red flag.

• 42:41Tom Segura?

  But like you're seeing her right there. That, that doesn't scream.

• 42:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it could be a chick, yeah.

• 42:45Speaker 13

  Yeah, I'll give it to you.

• 42:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah. You just, you don't know.

• 42:49Speaker 13

  But as soon as she talk, talking about, huh huh huh, damn. What the fuck?

• 42:55Tom Segura?

  This is a, that's why I so appreciated, um, when Jim Norton was here.

• 42:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:00Tom Segura?

  And he was just like, well, I'm definitely like, you can't call me straight.

• 43:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 43:04Tom Segura?

  You know?

• 43:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  He admits that it's, I think the problem with, with this is that they're trying to convince you that A, if you're not into trans men, women, whatever, you're homophobic.

• 43:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  If you're not in.

• 43:17Tom Segura?

  Or transphobic.

• 43:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Transphobic, sorry, yes, transphobic. Uh, and that you should, this should be presented a certain way. It's like, no, maybe not, but.

• 43:26Tom Segura?

  Just however you want to react.

• 43:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can fuck whatever you want.

• 43:28Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 43:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't have to be convinced that you're straight or whatever. I don't care.

• 43:31Tom Segura?

  The thing that somebody always says in this situation is like, you don't have to answer anybody, okay? Whatever you like is what you, yeah, okay, yeah.

• 43:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, because.

• 43:39Tom Segura?

  You can just say you like this.

• 43:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It doesn't matter, yeah, no, no one cares.

• 43:42Tom Segura?

  But he does say the thing that I, I hear, I think Jim reiterated it. It's like, he's not attracted to a male presenting man. He doesn't, you know what I mean? Doesn't find a man attractive.

• 43:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Correct.

• 43:53Tom Segura?

  He likes this situation though.

• 43:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure, with a dong, with a dick.

• 43:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there's just a dick there.

• 43:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just, it's not a deal breaker.

• 43:59Tom Segura?

  Exactly. That's, that's the thing is like, if I described a woman to you, Annie, and I was like, you know, whatever, she's slim, she's got beautiful hair, tits. Is, is the dick a deal breaker?

• 44:15Speaker 13

  What, yes, it's a deal breaker. I don't understand the question.

• 44:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, what if I'm me, Tom?

• 44:21Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm me.

• 44:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  We have 20 years together and just one day I wake up and I've got a dick.

• 44:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:30Tom Segura?

  I'll tell you the truth.

• 44:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 44:32Tom Segura?

  I'll tell you the truth.

• 44:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 44:33Tom Segura?

  You get your own room. You get a room and you get to live there. And I want the kids to have you around.

• 44:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  You want the kids to have me around?

• 44:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I don't want you to leave because, you know, we have kids.

• 44:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  We have children, yeah. What if you, and we just do butt sex? But do we stop having sex entirely?

• 44:50Tom Segura?

  I think with your dick we do.

• 44:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the end of it?

• 44:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I guess we start fisting. I'll start fisting you.

• 44:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. You can be a fist pig.

• 44:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's wrong with you?

• 44:59Tom Segura?

  Just make you prolapse.

• 45:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 45:01Tom Segura?

  Perforate your colon.

• 45:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, if you woke up with a vag, that would be a problem.

• 45:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  For me too.

• 45:06Tom Segura?

  Some people it's not a problem for. You know, this, this-

• 45:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because yours would be hairy and just-

• 45:11Tom Segura?

  Hairy and gross.

• 45:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your vag would be so unruly, unkempt.

• 45:15Tom Segura?

  Because we love these videos when somebody goes like, hey cutie, like a man to a man.

• 45:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I love these, yeah.

• 45:20Tom Segura?

  And then this one, you could tell it was just like, he started-

• 45:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey cutie.

• 45:24Tom Segura?

  He was just trying it on someone, but you could tell this took a turn that the guy doing the kind of prank that didn't expect.

• 45:31Speaker 14

  You gonna keep playing eye tag or you gonna holler at your boy? You gonna keep playing eye tag or you gonna holler at your boy sexy? You consider me sexy? Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, I am. You wanna take a bite of me? Take a big boy for a ride?

• 45:47Speaker 14

  Hmm, I don't think my ass could handle you. You probably will, huh? Mm-hmm. You could handle me right up, huh? Yeah, probably could, dude.

• 46:00Tom Segura?

  Hold on.

• 46:01Speaker 14

  Mm-hmm. You wanna try?

• 46:05Speaker 14

  You do? You're a policeman, right? I'm not a police. I'm just a sexy man looking for a freak off. Oh. How many inches you got down there? Ten. No shit. Ten. Yep. Alright, you have a good one. Sexy. Hang on. Oh, oh. I don't have any money if you're expecting to get money. Oh shit. Who are you expecting to get this done with?

• 46:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  He really took him up on it. It's the first time.

• 46:36Tom Segura?

  I've never seen it turn like that.

• 46:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never.

• 46:38Tom Segura?

  Where the guy, usually the guys are like, what?

• 46:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, who? What?

• 46:42Tom Segura?

  They laugh or something.

• 46:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 46:44Tom Segura?

  This guy just went right to- What do you got down there?

• 46:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dang, he doesn't look gay at all.

• 46:50Tom Segura?

  Is that like, uh?

• 46:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right? Would you have guessed that he was down for dudes?

• 46:55Tom Segura?

  No, that's why he approached him.

• 46:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not at all.

• 46:57Tom Segura?

  Approaching people that he thinks are gonna be like, what'd you say?

• 47:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like dads, that no one's told these dads that they're attractive.

• 47:03Tom Segura?

  Right, so it's another guy telling dad, you're such a cutie. And they're like, what the fuck?

• 47:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's like the dad-est of the dads that he usually approaches.

• 47:12Tom Segura?

  Which that guy had, total dad vibes.

• 47:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's like, I'm a straight up fucking.

• 47:15Tom Segura?

  He turned his cart. He's like, whoa, I don't have any money, but if you're, where do you want to do this?

• 47:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  He followed him and then he starts following him.

• 47:21Tom Segura?

  And then this guy's gotta be like, I'm just fucking with you, which is terrible.

• 47:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, cuz he's like, I'm all fucking fired up, bro, what's up? Which is terrible.

• 47:29Tom Segura?

  How many? Well, it's terrible.

• 47:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a catastrophe.

• 47:32Tom Segura?

  It is. He got that guy all, that guy has such a dopamine drip going right now for somebody telling him like, hey, this could, you know what I mean? It's like, he's so excited and then we don't see the rest of this of how the guy who's recording goes like, hey, man, I'm just fucking around. I'm just making a funny, I just did it for, for shits and giggles.

• 47:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, I know.

• 47:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, broke his heart, man.

• 47:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Broke his heart?

• 47:55Tom Segura?

  Broke that old man.

• 47:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know he's got his Christmas cards in there and everything.

• 47:58Tom Segura?

  His old gay heart just broken. It's not cool.

• 48:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, Tom?

• 48:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Speaking of deal breakers, you know, we play this game.

• 48:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm me, I'm everything me.

• 48:07Tom Segura?

  But?

• 48:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what if I had this one thing about me?

• 48:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  What would you do?

• 48:12Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 48:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, what if I'm me?

• 48:14Tom Segura?

  You're you.

• 48:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  We have our life, 20 years of history.

• 48:17Tom Segura?

  Uh huh.

• 48:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I've decided I'm a nudist. So that means like, on the weekends, when we're all hanging out, I'm nude. If your mother comes over, your sister, you're just like, she's nude. What am I gonna do?

• 48:29Tom Segura?

  I, here's the truth. I think I get used to it, but I'd be really fucking annoyed by it. And I would tell you, I'd be like, you can't do it. It's fucking, it's like Burt putting something on Instagram. I'd be like, could you fucking just not for today?

• 48:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stop sharing everything.

• 48:41Tom Segura?

  Just, can you just?

• 48:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just live your life.

• 48:43Tom Segura?

  Can you wear clothes today, please?

• 48:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what if I was, okay, so what if I'm a nudist and then I also decided to free bleed? And it's my period.

• 48:51Tom Segura?

  All right, then.

• 48:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is what I do. Why?

• 48:53Tom Segura?

  Now we're having.

• 48:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I'm a nudist. You that, would this be a deal breaker for you?

• 48:58Tom Segura?

  It'd be a lot more time alone.

• 49:01Tom Segura?

  A lot more time alone. Yeah. I'd be like, I know what's happening this week. Call me next week. I don't want to be around for your free bleed and I don't want you to be nude when my family comes over.

• 49:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  They get used to it.

• 49:14Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 49:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your mom and your sister, they'd be totally used to it. I'm a woman. They don't care.

• 49:18Tom Segura?

  I think they would.

• 49:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish you would become a nudist. How funny would that be? You get like people over for dinner.

• 49:24Tom Segura?

  Hello, guys.

• 49:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like.

• 49:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, could you put a towel down before you sit on the furniture, please?

• 49:31Tom Segura?

  Hmm, it's my house. I like to sit like this. You see like my, my dick just tuck into my ball bag. There's no sexual arousal. It's just like all flaccid, soft.

• 49:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is the weird thing about nudists is that they just live their life without clothing. So they're not in a state of arousal. They're not in a state of doing anything.

• 49:51Tom Segura?

  It has nothing to do with like sex. They live free and this is the way we were put on this earth.

• 49:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so gross. It's so weird.

• 49:59Tom Segura?

  How whenever I'm with Bert, there's always someone who's like, hey, can I take my shirt off? And Bert's always like, yeah. And so whenever someone takes their shirt off, you see like abrasions and like scars and stuff. And I'm always like, put your fucking shirt back on, man.

• 50:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 50:14Tom Segura?

  You don't realize how much the shirt saves that for, you know what I mean?

• 50:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. Are you kidding? My body to like.

• 50:21Tom Segura?

  No, not you.

• 50:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Think of all the scarring and the, you know, injuries people you get over the years.

• 50:26Tom Segura?

  I was just talking about bad skin and like ingrown hairs and stuff. I'm like, dude, fucking put your shirt back on. This is disgusting.

• 50:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  What if I, hold on, I'm not done playing the game with you.

• 50:37Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 50:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So nudist, yea or nay? I want you to really take it seriously.

• 50:41Tom Segura?

  I don't like it.

• 50:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you'd stay with me.

• 50:43Tom Segura?

  I guess I would stay with you, but I would have a new problem with you. Yeah.

• 50:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  A new problem?

• 50:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I'm not into it.

• 50:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's annoying as shit. It's super annoying. But it's not a deal breaker is what you're saying.

• 50:55Tom Segura?

  Social life would be really affected. Keep going.

• 50:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Very affected.

• 50:58Tom Segura?

  What's your next one?

• 50:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. What if I become a super environmentalist?

• 51:03Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 51:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where it's to the point where like, hey, we have dinner plans tonight. We're gonna drive over to our friend's house. They live 10 minutes away and I say shit like, babe, you know how I feel about wasting fossil fuels in the car.

• 51:17Tom Segura?

  Honestly, this bothers me more than the nudist.

• 51:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  You drive, I'm gonna, I'm gonna bicycle there. It's gonna take about an hour. I'll meet you there and then I'll bicycle home. If we have to record the podcast, it's gonna take me like two hours to bike here.

• 51:32Tom Segura?

  No.

• 51:35Tom Segura?

  And I go home, there's no toilet paper and you're like, well, it's just such a waste.

• 51:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  We use the family towel. Why don't you use a family rag?

• 51:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, those are grounds for-

• 51:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Those are grounds for dismissal?

• 51:43Tom Segura?

  I think separation, at least, yeah.

• 51:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. And like, I don't hound you about your choices, but I'm constantly going through the trash, separating out the plastics and the compost.

• 51:53Tom Segura?

  This is not appealing. This is not-

• 51:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Isn't that the worst?

• 51:56Tom Segura?

  I mean, someone like, who's like that for me, I could barely spend five minutes with, so I can't imagine living with them. So, you can do that shit somewhere else.

• 52:05Tom Segura?

  We do that thing where we're just neighbors. We're like, you're just gonna move next door and do all your bullshit.

• 52:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  We buy the house next door. I think Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton did that at one point. They just had houses next door to each other and they would co-parent.

• 52:17Tom Segura?

  They're both pretty crazy.

• 52:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're both absolutely, probably insane. Well, you could do that, okay.

• 52:22Tom Segura?

  Okay, thanks. Um, here, I'm really excited, but I wanna move on. I'm really excited. This is one of the segments we played last week, but he wasn't even here for it. This is the segment I like to call Annie's Inner Thoughts.

• 52:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 52:37Tom Segura?

  So, here we go with one of Annie's inner thoughts.

• 52:40Speaker 15

  It is so crazy. When you ever smashed a girl, right, got topped off or something, got throat, got throat it, and then she already made it clear that she got a man or something. They're kinda like on some breakup shit or whatever, and then you go ahead and hit it and fuck with her, right? And then like you would see her in the streets or in the store somewhere with an old boy, with a man. Why do that shit make you wanna smash her? Be like, next time I get, I'm gonna just really-

• 53:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa, he's flexing those tits.

• 53:07Speaker 15

  I'm gonna kill it.

• 53:09Tom Segura?

  Hell, yeah.

• 53:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  See you flexing.

• 53:11Tom Segura?

  I was gonna get mad, honestly, but the more I hear it, actually, this is kind of exactly what I'm saying. I'm kinda mad that you're as accurate as you are. That's awesome, dude. I've been watching this guy for a couple of months now. He's so cool.

• 53:24Speaker 15

  It make you wanna smash him worse. More, harder, longer, keep him longer.

• 53:32Speaker 15

  Ride her hard, put her up wet.

• 53:35Tom Segura?

  Hell yeah.

• 53:36Speaker 15

  Like, I don't know, like, you appreciate it more when you see, you see somebody that, that you know they got a mate and shit. Especially when you see them with the mate and you know you done smashed and you wanna smash again, you be like, damn, what's she gonna come back through? Fuck.

• 53:48Tom Segura?

  What do you think, Annie?

• 53:50Speaker 13

  Yeah, I really, it, it upsets me now. I don't like seeing it from this perspective. Yeah. I'm, I'm usually the dude saying stupid shit like this, and now that I see it, it's very uncomfortable, but, um, yeah, no, that's, that's true shit, like, uh, shit, last time, I was at, I was dancing with some girl, and then her dude, like, pulled her closer to him, or whatever, was like, yo, like, she's mine, you know, type shit.

• 54:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 13

  It's like, I'm a hundred percent fucking your bitch now, tonight, tonight.

• 54:14Tom Segura?

  I mean, I told you this, Annie's inner thoughts.

• 54:15Speaker 13

  A hundred percent. I do not fucking say, oh, this is my, like, I wasn't gonna fuck with her anyway, like, we were just dancing, relax. If you gonna make it a fucking thing, guess what?

• 54:23Tom Segura?

  And what'd you do, did you end up going home with her?

• 54:24Speaker 13

  Hell yeah, I fucking did. Hell yeah, I fucking did.

• 54:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hold on, you're, you're not afraid that that guy's gonna find you and get into fights with you?

• 54:30Speaker 13

  And do what?

• 54:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fight, fight you? Be like, kill you, come with a gun to your fucking house?

• 54:36Speaker 13

  Do it.

• 54:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 54:37Speaker 13

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:38Tom Segura?

  That's good as shit. This is, uh, what's his handle? Shit?

• 54:46Tom Segura?

  Shit, what?

• 54:47Speaker 13

  Shit liker for real.

• 54:50Tom Segura?

  On God, on underscore God. He likes to say on God a lot.

• 54:54Speaker 13

  Oh shit, oh shit, shit talker for real.

• 54:56Tom Segura?

  Oh shit, talker for real on God.

• 54:58Speaker 13

  There you go. Just missing a letter or something.

• 54:59Tom Segura?

  Okay, yeah, he definitely, yeah.

• 55:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he definitely is.

• 55:02Speaker 15

  Tell me this, why is it a girl is your dream girl until you smell her take a shit?

• 55:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 55:08Tom Segura?

  God damn it.

• 55:09Speaker 15

  You smell her take a shit, you be like, oh, she ain't that fine. It takes away a lot. A lot. Tell me I'm lying, tell me I'm capping. You smelled your girl take a big shit before?

• 55:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you smelled me take a shit?

• 55:23Tom Segura?

  Not really, dude.

• 55:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you smelled it?

• 55:25Tom Segura?

  Not really. Here he is.

• 55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  How is he smelling the big shit?

• 55:28Tom Segura?

  Shit talker for real underscore on God.

• 55:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's a great handle.

• 55:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he puts out content a lot, dude.

• 55:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good for him, he's very good though, I like his thoughts.

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, here's another one of Annie's inner thoughts right here.

• 55:41Speaker 15

  No matter how much we do for a woman, no matter how much we give them hoes, them three oh fours, them thoughts, it'll never be enough. They can't even give themselves enough. They never content, they never satisfied, they never thankful, they never grateful, they never appreciate shit. If they do, that shit wear off.

• 56:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that true, Annie?

• 56:04Speaker 13

  Nah, that one's kept.

• 56:05Tom Segura?

  Okay, oh shit.

• 56:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  And why, tell me why.

• 56:08Speaker 13

  I mean, I'm gonna take a wild guess and assume that this nigga's very unhealthy and toxic to be around. You know. Not a good vibe.

• 56:20Speaker 13

  And then he considers like answering a fucking phone call, being like, I did so much for you bitch, like I was so busy, I answered that phone. You don't like me no more, like damn, bro.

• 56:31Tom Segura?

  Okay, so there's, I mean, there's a little bit of balance here in Annie.

• 56:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I see what you're saying, cuz this guy reminds me, this guy shares my father's philosophies in many ways, right?

• 56:41Speaker 13

  Like, I think this is my father.

• 56:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know. You and I have the same dad, we might be related, Annie. But this is exactly my father, what you're saying about like, oh, come on, man, I called you, didn't I? Like, didn't I fucking show up last weekend? Didn't we talk this week? Like, same, I think he's on to something. Like, in my dad's mind, just showing up is a big deal, or like, calling a bitch back is a big deal. Like, you're lucky I even graced you with my presence.

• 57:09Speaker 13

  That's a, that's a classic move. You, you make them think that bare minimum is you putting effort out. Yeah, that's when they are not appreciative, cuz you're doing nothing. You're just like, yeah, I called you yesterday. Why the fuck aren't you on my dick? What you mean? What?

• 57:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then, on the other hand-

• 57:24Speaker 15

  Don't feel bad about lying to these hoes. I always lied to them. Right off rip. Shit, I'm broke. So soon as, before they start the shit, I'm broke, I'm unemployed. Now, let's start right there. We can build on that shit.

• 57:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this is definitely my father.

• 57:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, same.

• 57:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  A thousand, yeah.

• 57:45Speaker 13

  He's got some other good ones, dude.

• 57:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, this is my dad, too.

• 57:47Speaker 13

  He's got some good ones.

• 57:48Speaker 15

  Why y'all being sweet to a bitch and, and all kind and nice and trying to pick her out and shit? Y'all trying to tell her what you think she wanna hear. I tell that bitch what she don't wanna hear. Ho, you are fucking replaceable, replaceable little motherfucker, cuz I'm fucking him, bitch. Fuck going on with you? You're replaceable.

• 58:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 58:06Speaker 15

  You're not special, you're not unique, you can't count on me, I'm not reliable, you can't depend on me, and I can't count on you, and you're not reliable, and I can't depend on you, I'm broke.

• 58:17Speaker 13

  But why don't they appreciate me?

• 58:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then I don't know if your dad does this, but does he get really flattered when they start to get crazy? And obsessive cuz like he'll fuck with these women enough that they'll start going crazy.

• 58:33Speaker 13

  Oh, for sure.

• 58:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then, but he's kind of like, she's so into me. Oh, my God.

• 58:37Speaker 13

  He kind of likes it.

• 58:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  He loves it.

• 58:38Speaker 13

  Yeah, like my, my dad definitely does, but he would never show it like I you just, I just know because I know him, but he would never like be like, oh yeah, I like when you do that shit.

• 58:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he didn't say that. My dad will be like, oh, my God, can you believe how much she's so into me? Oh, God, like, please give off my dick. Yeah, it's so annoying.

• 58:56Tom Segura?

  She showed up in the night and she had the knife in her hands.

• 59:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, or like, or like, um, if a woman would threaten suicide over him, he's very secretly flattered by it. Like, can you believe that? She's gonna kill herself for me.

• 59:10Tom Segura?

  That is so sad.

• 59:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not sad.

• 59:14Tom Segura?

  I hope she doesn't.

• 59:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Doesn't care. Doesn't care.

• 59:16Tom Segura?

  I guess I have this effect on women.

• 59:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's exactly the thinking. That's exactly the thinking cuz right? The broken bitches that this guy's gonna attract are totally on that.

• 59:27Speaker 13

  Oh, they're definitely gonna play the game.

• 59:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 13

  Yeah, well, the nice thing is this guy has an endless well of these and we will be playing them every week.

• 59:36Speaker 13

  Now, I know you've been missing it.

• 59:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:38Speaker 13

  How about some TikToks?

• 59:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, man, finally, dude.

• 59:40Speaker 13

  Finally, dude.

• 59:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love these fucking things.

• 59:49Speaker 13

  Here we go.

• 59:51Speaker 16

  The best drink would probably be Sprite with a snack and then all of a sudden you just let a big monster burp rip.

• 1:00:01Speaker 16

  My name is Kimberly Winter.

• 1:00:05Speaker 16

  And I hold the world record for the women's loudest burp. I've always been told that I was the loudest burper anyone's ever heard.

• 1:00:15Speaker 16

  One time I got kicked out of a bar, just for one burp. A lot of people are disgusted at the dinner table. My mom hated when I burped, but I started recording my burps on TikTok and it really took off.

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  The music is unbelievable.

• 1:00:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is my favorite.

• 1:00:35Tom Segura?

  This is like an Olympian.

• 1:00:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:00:37Tom Segura?

  I worked harder and I got up at four in the morning and I trained.

• 1:00:42Speaker 16

  A lot of my fans like me to burp their names.

• 1:00:48Speaker 16

  My audience grew really fast, so just be yourself because you never know how many people out there are gonna enjoy you for just being you.

• 1:00:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  So triumphant.

• 1:01:00Tom Segura?

  Annie, you didn't like that either, I could tell. Like, who the fuck, nobody does, man.

• 1:01:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love this. Kimberly, we've been DMing.

• 1:01:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, here's the deal, man.

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  You know, she reminds me a lot of.

• 1:01:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who?

• 1:01:12Tom Segura?

  My cousin Jeanette.

• 1:01:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for sure. This is a type of girl.

• 1:01:15Tom Segura?

  Jeanette burps like this, too.

• 1:01:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, and so was Tiffany in my high school. There was a girl named Tiffany who could rip. Yeah, I know, it was weird, Tiffany with a K. You give her a Dr. Pepper and she could burp the alphabet. There's just a special girl in one every thousand million that is this. And Kimberly, we've been DMing, I love her so much. This is such a talent. She went on America's Got Talent.

• 1:01:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And was like, I'm gonna sing a Lady Gaga song. And then she starts singing, she's like, oh my God, excuse me. And then she started ripping and ripping and ripping. It's really funny. She's very funny. I love you, Kimberly. I asked her to do some videos, but then we lost touch because I went to.

• 1:01:55Speaker 16

  TikTok is getting banned in the US, so I made Christina P.

• 1:01:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right.

• 1:01:59Speaker 16

  This one last final thank you TikTok video for all the curations you've done over the past few years. Thank you, we love you.

• 1:02:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love you.

• 1:02:07Speaker 16

  Keep them high and tight.

• 1:02:09Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 1:02:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, can you, Heather needs to trim this up for my socials. I got those Mother's Day stuff coming up.

• 1:02:24Tom Segura?

  I don't know if this is gonna have the same effect.

• 1:02:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  She looks great in Atomic Red.

• 1:02:31Tom Segura?

  No, she looks great. I don't know if this is gonna promote sales the way you think it will.

• 1:02:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it. I don't care. She's so talented. Oh, she looks great in.

• 1:02:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kimberly.

• 1:02:45Tom Segura?

  That was pretty great.

• 1:02:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kimberly, hero.

• 1:02:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, you know.

• 1:02:50Tom Segura?

  She's very pretty, too.

• 1:02:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, she's stunning. She's talented. What can't she do?

• 1:02:54Tom Segura?

  I mean, not.

• 1:02:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's out there being herself. I love it. Oh, Kimberly.

• 1:02:59Tom Segura?

  Way to go, Kimberly. We'll try to you, too.

• 1:03:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  All these women out there are like, I'm myself. I'm just out here slaying and being myself. But Kimberly's really doing it.

• 1:03:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:03:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Manuel.

• 1:03:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:15Speaker 07

  I'm bad myself.

• 1:03:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and they're not. They're just pretending to be like the hot girl. Kimberly a hundred percent is herself. I love it. Is my kinda gal.

• 1:03:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  We, we played that.

• 1:03:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  The pelt that you can make your golden retriever into a pelt. This person stuffed their chihuahua. It's been on their fireplace mantel since 2010.

• 1:03:46Tom Segura?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 1:03:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's all creepy, sleazy.

• 1:03:49Tom Segura?

  I don't like it.

• 1:03:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why not?

• 1:03:51Tom Segura?

  Cause it's their dead dog. I don't like it.

• 1:03:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't like your dog?

• 1:03:54Speaker 17

  I've collected my fingernails for six years, and here's why. Back in 2019, I decided to start fighting my fingernails and then keeping them in a Ziploc bag that I put inside my desk drawer, just in case. And when I moved in 2020, I started keeping them in this little jar. Now, there's a lot of misinformation about fingernails. It's actually better to keep them in a jar instead of a bag. Every couple of weeks, I let my nails grow out, bite them off, my teeth, and then put them in the jar. Ever since I started doing this, I've never once had a nail biting session where they didn't go into the jar. Every single nail is accounted for. Even when I've had a travel, I pack a small size.

• 1:04:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sweating.

• 1:04:29Speaker 17

  And as I return home, I'd add them to the jar.

• 1:04:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna fucking puke.

• 1:04:34Speaker 17

  And the answer's simple. As you can see, every single nail is very white and clean, like bone, bones, like bones.

• 1:04:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Got it. Got it.

• 1:04:43Speaker 17

  There's absolutely never any dirt on.

• 1:04:45Tom Segura?

  Ah. My eyes are watering.

• 1:04:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's because he bites the.

• 1:04:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, it was hard.

• 1:04:52Tom Segura?

  Here's the interesting thing, though. Isn't it interesting how the nail in and of itself on his finger, as it's attached to him, you just go, whatever. The idea of the removing it and collecting it started to make me feel nauseous.

• 1:05:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like that clip, like that image of it dangling, that he's nibbled it and it's dangling. It's gonna go in the jar. It's.

• 1:05:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but the jar makes me wanna throw the fuck up.

• 1:05:19Tom Segura?

  He didn't say why, though. What's the why?

• 1:05:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't.

• 1:05:21Speaker 17

  Garbage tickler or anything. I'm pretty hygienic. And as you can see, the jar is getting pretty full, so.

• 1:05:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I got it.

• 1:05:27Speaker 17

  I might be needing to upgrade size.

• 1:05:29Tom Segura?

  So it's just a never ending collection.

• 1:05:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, is that a deal breaker if I start keeping?

• 1:05:33Tom Segura?

  Fuck, yes. That's disgusting. I don't want that. No.

• 1:05:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, in Indian culture, it's bad. I can't even look at this. You're not, you should not keep your nail clippings. My Indian stepdad used to burn his in the fireplace. He just believed it's bad luck to leave like parts of your body laying around. It's like bad spirits will take it or something.

• 1:05:52Tom Segura?

  I'm really gonna get sick.

• 1:05:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't wanna do that.

• 1:05:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  So good.

• 1:06:02Tom Segura?

  That guy looks like Bert.

• 1:06:07Tom Segura?

  This is seriously Bert's next video, Lane.

• 1:06:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, this is what he shares. He's always sharing everything.

• 1:06:13Tom Segura?

  You know what he did at dinner?

• 1:06:16Tom Segura?

  We're at a steakhouse.

• 1:06:19Tom Segura?

  And he's like, I'm keto, but I just got off keto. I'm like, you're keto? And they put a big thing of bread out of the oven, warm bread and butter. He's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna fuck off keto tonight. And I'm like, uh huh. And he, he cuts a big piece of butter, puts the butter in his mouth. And then takes the bread and.

• 1:06:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna throw up.

• 1:06:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the stupidest way anybody's ever eaten a bread bar.

• 1:06:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel sick.

• 1:06:52Speaker 14

  And before you mock my breathing, I have an incurable lung disease.

• 1:06:57Tom Segura?

  That's also a bird thing.

• 1:07:00Tom Segura?

  Holy shit. It's just you eating toast? That's the video?

• 1:07:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I am there. I think there's marmite on there or vegemite.

• 1:07:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:07:11Speaker 14

  I love my toast. I really like the butter.

• 1:07:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no, it's just butter.

• 1:07:16Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:07:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  But who doesn't like bread with butter?

• 1:07:18Tom Segura?

  No, it's good.

• 1:07:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Toast and butter is like the best thing in the world.

• 1:07:20Tom Segura?

  I think you could just make a video saying, "I love toast with bread and with butter." I don't think you need to do this. And listen to your incurable fucking lung disease. God.

• 1:07:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, nunchucks. Yeah, this guy is fucking ripped.

• 1:07:33Tom Segura?

  He's fucking badass.

• 1:07:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he is.

• 1:07:36Tom Segura?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:07:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:38Speaker 14

  That's just freaking taste.

• 1:07:42Speaker 14

  You don't show everybody everything.

• 1:07:47Tom Segura?

  This is something Alice could do.

• 1:07:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  For sure.

• 1:07:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, this guy is perfect.

• 1:07:52Tom Segura?

  Hey, I need this video. Can you send me this video? Thank you.

• 1:07:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  For what, my kids?

• 1:07:56Tom Segura?

  No, I was just gonna share it with some people.

• 1:07:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  With people?

• 1:07:58Tom Segura?

  Just people, man, friends, you know?

• 1:07:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  By the way, our sons found nunchucks.

• 1:08:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  At the toy store.

• 1:08:03Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I was like, this...

• 1:08:05Tom Segura?

  That's the beginning of the end.

• 1:08:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen, if this hits my head, or one of your heads, or the cat's head, anybody's fucking head, I'm taking them away. So far, so good.

• 1:08:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, cuz they're the, like, the styrofoam ones.

• 1:08:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Still, you can still fuck each other. Cuz they're swinging them over their heads and it's gonna go down. They're gonna fuck up our house with this fucking nunchuck.

• 1:08:23Tom Segura?

  I love, by the way, that every day now.

• 1:08:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid nunchucks.

• 1:08:25Tom Segura?

  When I get home, our nine-year-old boy takes his shirt off and he's like, he goes, "Look at me, dude." He goes, "Look at my traps." He goes, "Look at my biceps."

• 1:08:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  So jacked.

• 1:08:36Tom Segura?

  And I go, "Yeah, you look good." He goes, "I'm gonna be so fucking jacked in high school." I go, "Yeah, dude, for sure, man."

• 1:08:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  He got the crazies in him.

• 1:08:44Speaker 18

  I don't even know why I panicked so hard. It's okay. It's just hair. I mean, no, it's not. Are you ready?

• 1:08:50Tom Segura?

  It's not.

• 1:08:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is just hair.

• 1:08:51Speaker 18

  Can I cry about it first? Totally.

• 1:08:56Speaker 18

  Okay. Yeah? Yeah. Are you feeling good about it?

• 1:09:02Speaker 18

  I'm trusting the process. Okay, you ready? I know if I leave with the same haircut of Pat, I'm gonna be disappointed in myself. And it's like, time to do something new? Yeah. Okay. Everything's fine, and we're all fine.

• 1:09:15Speaker 18

  We're all doing great. We're all doing great, and everything's fine. With Kleenex, please. You can cry the whole time, it's okay. Thank you. I won't take offense.

• 1:09:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, she should cry now, that's bad. She definitely shouldn't have touched the hair. They shouldn't have touched the hair. That's a bad choice. Look how disappointed they are.

• 1:09:31Tom Segura?

  She was deeply traumatized by a haircut appointment.

• 1:09:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Was that... What do you think is the story?

• 1:09:37Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I don't know. I mean, maybe there's like some social anxiety or something going on?

• 1:09:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, but definitely they made a bad choice with this haircut.

• 1:09:44Tom Segura?

  Well, the haircut's terrible. Whoever did the haircut should get a bad review. But I was more interested in the fact that she was just traumatized by the haircut appointment. But maybe she's just deeply troubled, mentally ill.

• 1:09:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe.

• 1:09:56Tom Segura?

  I mean, maybe that's what we're dealing with.

• 1:09:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's not it.

• 1:09:59Tom Segura?

  Most people don't sit down in a hair... in a chair for a haircut and go, "Hold on a fucking sec." Like, it's just... She's got some shit going on.

• 1:10:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, she's fine.

• 1:10:07Tom Segura?

  I almost think you should actually shame the person making the videos for like, "Hey, man, maybe you don't put this one out. This lady's got some real fucking issues."

• 1:10:17Tom Segura?

  Getting a haircut?

• 1:10:21Tom Segura?

  Such a wild ride on your talks today.

• 1:10:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Newey.

• 1:10:25Tom Segura?

  What is this?

• 1:10:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe. Autumn, just wait. That's Jasper.

• 1:10:32Tom Segura?

  I got it.

• 1:10:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Jasper the cat. That's Chloe, the dog.

• 1:10:35Tom Segura?

  Okay. Tikani?

• 1:10:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tikani?

• 1:10:38Tom Segura?

  Ed?

• 1:10:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ed.

• 1:10:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's failing. Oh, it's a Pekingese. Only to pug Frankenbees.

• 1:10:47Tom Segura?

  What am I waiting for?

• 1:10:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Murphy.

• 1:10:50Tom Segura?

  You said just wait.

• 1:10:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Go.

• 1:10:55Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay, they just told me that they get gender-affirming haircuts so they get a little emotional sometimes.

• 1:11:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:11:02Tom Segura?

  See, context is important.

• 1:11:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But here's the problem, I'm still not sure what gender they were at the end of that haircut. That's why I keep saying "they", I don't know what we were affirming. I honestly, do you know what they were trying to go for?

• 1:11:14Tom Segura?

  You're not gonna trap me in this game.

• 1:11:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? They looked like masculine...

• 1:11:18Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:11:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Women, I don't know.

• 1:11:20Tom Segura?

  What the fuck is the video for?

• 1:11:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just to keep going with it, man!

• 1:11:23Tom Segura?

  It's over, that video's over!

• 1:11:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's just nice animals with nice...

• 1:11:26Tom Segura?

  Oh, get the fuck outta here!

• 1:11:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't like animals?

• 1:11:28Tom Segura?

  No, I was waiting for something to happen, you're like, "This fucking Ed and Freddy and Chiquita."

• 1:11:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this one. This guy's my new favorite.

• 1:11:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I knew you liked this.

• 1:11:51Tom Segura?

  Well, I showed this one to my mom.

• 1:11:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  You did? How special synergy, Tom.

• 1:11:56Tom Segura?

  She, uh, she was like, "Why is he wearing a mask?" And I was like, "That's not a mask." She's like, "What?"

• 1:12:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  But what is he saying, most importantly?

• 1:12:05Tom Segura?

  He was whispering, I don't know, he said something about the...

• 1:12:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Harris.

• 1:12:08Tom Segura?

  He said, "Conceal the underwear", but I didn't hear what he was saying.

• 1:12:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ugh.

• 1:12:12Tom Segura?

  You wanna hear it again?

• 1:12:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  He does all these, he just whispers to the panties on his head. I don't wanna see it again, okay.

• 1:12:22Tom Segura?

  Something with amigos, like calling it friends.

• 1:12:31Tom Segura?

  My woman left me?

• 1:12:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, sad.

• 1:12:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like his whispering.

• 1:12:37Tom Segura?

  And now I'm smelling her underwear.

• 1:12:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, so the other wife, the woman left him, and now all he has is the panties.

• 1:12:43Tom Segura?

  But that's kinda cool.

• 1:12:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's romantic, Tom. Would you, do you do this when I leave?

• 1:12:47Tom Segura?

  On bro, on god, on twin, yes.

• 1:12:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Would you do this?

• 1:12:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why don't you ever get into my dirty panties?

• 1:12:54Tom Segura?

  How do you know I don't do that?

• 1:12:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, I wish you would. Right, strike.

• 1:13:00Tom Segura?

  Hell yeah, dude. Oh shit.

• 1:13:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Boom. Alucin! That's... That's the tappy tappy. You didn't know the tappy tappy?

• 1:13:09Tom Segura?

  That looks like a high-level martial arts guy.

• 1:13:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course it is.

• 1:13:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course it is.

• 1:13:14Tom Segura?

  That's cool. Really, really interesting look.

• 1:13:21Tom Segura?

  He's shaped like a pear.

• 1:13:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I know. Yeah. He looks like a bottle of Tabasco.

• 1:13:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. That's cool. About 320 pounds. Just kind of like, it's a tappy tappy.

• 1:13:32Tom Segura?

  Well, you can't do shit, sir. Just to be clear.

• 1:13:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:38Tom Segura?

  You're incapable of defending anybody from anything.

• 1:13:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you want to see the animals again?

• 1:13:42Tom Segura?

  Nope. I want to wrap this shit up and thank you guys for watching. Listen, it's my birthday. I'm gonna go celebrate now. I'm gonna go to a latex sex club and piss on people.

• 1:13:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck off. I hate you so much.

• 1:13:53Tom Segura?

  Charlie Sterron's meeting me there.

• 1:13:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate you, fist pig.

• 1:13:55Tom Segura?

  I gotta go. Don't forget, if your butthole doesn't work, you gotta find something else to do in your life. Happy birthday. Thank you, Tom. Thank you.

• 1:14:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank you, Tom.

• 1:14:06Tom Segura?

  See you guys later. Bye bye. Can you please tell the audience so I can have record that you're impressed with my water consumption? So he's the water champ.

• 1:14:12Speaker 19

  You're the water champ. You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you. Pound in the water, pound in the water. You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water.

• 1:14:27Tom Segura?

  That's what I'm talking about. That's current water champion.

• 1:14:30Speaker 19

  Tom gets it. Running away. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. You are the water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Water down, water champ. He's drinking that much water. He drinks water and pees. He's drinking water and pees at the same time. He's just sitting there. Sometimes he's peeing while he's drinking.

• 1:14:47Tom Segura?

  Oddly enough, my wife also competed. She came last place. You ever seen a Yorkie drink water? This might overwhelm my urge to consume more water.

• 1:14:55Speaker 19

  You don't understand.

• 1:14:56Tom Segura?

  Current water champion.

• 1:14:58Speaker 19

  You don't understand. Water champ, water champ. You don't understand.

• 1:15:01Tom Segura?

  Current water champion.

• 1:15:02Speaker 19

  You don't understand. Water champ, water champ.

• 1:15:06Speaker 19

  He just kept drinking and no one said a word.

• 1:15:10Speaker 19

  Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water.

• 1:15:22Speaker 19

  Is this technically water too? Water too. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ.

• 1:15:28Speaker 19

  Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ.

• 1:15:32Speaker 19

  People would discuss, like, who's the water champ? Hell nah, no. Let's, let's, let's go, go, water champ. Killed two of those, and they're four 16-ounce waters. Who are the water champ?

• 1:15:40Tom Segura?

  I've never seen someone drink so much water during such a short. Let's go, water champ.

• 1:15:44Speaker 19

  Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound the water, pound the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound the water, pound the water.

• 1:15:51Tom Segura?

  Let's go, water champ. Let's go, water champ.

• 1:15:56Speaker 19

  Just a madman.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change, your receipt did. The sausage McMuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just $5. Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.