A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Learn more about Lightstrike at https://Drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram @‌drinklightstrike. For their buy 1 get 1 50% off deal, head to https://3DayBlinds.com/YMH. A hole is a hole, partner! These are the famous words of the modern day Dirk Diggler, Mr. Tony Johns who drops in for this week's YMH! Before Tony calls in, Tom and Christine talk about their trip back from the UK, which included a visit to the Tower of London, where the kids were eager to see the torture devices. Tom also reveals he has evolved into a guy who shits on airplanes after turning 40 and then shares some stories about playing in Madison Square Garden, where Redman, Chrissy D, and Joey Diaz opened for him on an unforgettable night. They also talk CP’s desire for Bauhaus to open for her, Big Dad Energy, and shout out London’s food scene while criticizing Europe’s shitty public toilet situation. They then finally get to the opening clip featuring the phrase “Grippy Garfield”, which you'll have to watch and find out about on your own. They also discuss overweight flight attendants, the Baldwins being cringe once again, a schizo lady in a Canadian government conspiracy, the family cloth, and a hot chick farting for content. Oh, also “BREED” makes an appearance, and Tom is so excited to cover the latest Tony Johns drama, recalling all of his recent chaotic moments. Tony Johns next joins the show and talks about dealing with a bully coworker at Walmart, a scary landlord, and his OnlyFans ventures, including his film debut in the works featuring Alexis Fawx. Finally, Tom wraps the insane episode up by mocking a racist white lady’s wedding speech at an interracial marriage. Wooooo come on wit it! Your Mom’s House Ep. 804 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:52 - UK Trip, Big Dad Energy, & Plane Poopies 00:07:20 - Madison Square Garden 00:13:36 - European Public Toilets 00:15:57 - Opening Clip: Grippy Garfield 00:23:26 - Fat Flight Attendants 00:29:59 - Those Damn Baldwins 00:37:50 - Schizo Evelyn Montage 00:40:18 - Clip: Family Cloth 00:41:35 - Clip: Farting Baddie 00:44:20 - The Life & Times Of Tony Johns 01:01:32 - Tony Johns Sets The Record Straight 01:09:12 - More Wild & Crazy Stories 01:16:47 - Making Dreams Come True 01:21:33 - Clip: Cone To The Face 01:22:09 - Clip: Dumb Push-ups 01:22:38 - Clip: Well Done Ribs 01:23:12 - Cool Guy Collabs 01:24:56 - Shitty Wedding Speech 01:33:38 - Wrap Up 01:35:30 - Closing Song "I Got A DUI, Baby" by grasskingdoms & Fart Simpson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Segura?

  Hey everyone, we just announced my fall 2025 Come Together Tour dates and you can get pre-sale tickets starting today at 10 a.m. local time in each city with the code word TOMMY. Go get your tickets now before the general on sale this Friday at tomscara.com/tour. We added a whole bunch of cities, including Allentown, PA, West Lafayette, Indiana, and Colorado Springs, and so many more. I'll see you guys out there. Thank you so much.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 0:35Tom Segura?

  What's everybody?

• 0:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's everybody?

• 0:41Tom Segura?

  Dude, this is, Governor, I'm so excited.

• 0:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Governor, I'm pumped. I'm ripped.

• 0:45Tom Segura?

  And I've been like just on pins and needles, just excited to come in here and do this show.

• 0:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me too, bro. So many things to go over. We've lived quite our lives in the last couple of weeks.

• 0:54Tom Segura?

  Yes, we got back from the UK.

• 0:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  UK, mate. So much fun. And then we got stuck in the UK for three additional days because of the Heathrow fire.

• 1:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there was a fire at a power plant that supplies power to Heathrow Airport, and they shut that shit down. I don't know if you know this, Heathrow is not a small airport. It's basically the hub of Europe. So it kind of fucked up about 800,000 people's day. Like for real.

• 1:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  We were gonna leave. The kids and I were gonna leave that morning.

• 1:31Tom Segura?

  You were leaving to go back to the States? I was leaving to go to Glasgow with my tour crew. So we ended up going on a four and a half hour train ride, and you guys ended up staying a few extra days, but it fucked up everybody's day there.

• 1:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everybody in Europe. Well, the good thing is though, it kind of took the pressure off the trip. You know when you're a tourist and you're like, hey, we gotta go do the London Eye, then we gotta go see Big Ben, we gotta, we didn't, we relaxed, and then we, we went to the Tower of London because the kids wanted to see murder killing.

• 2:00Tom Segura?

  Swords.

• 2:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Swords, the rack torture. And I was like, that's definitely your kid. Those are your children. And they loved it.

• 2:07Tom Segura?

  Of course they did. They're cool.

• 2:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and then we flew back 10 hours to Houston.

• 2:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  And our kids peed every 15 minutes on that flight. So every time I could like, sit down and relax, they're like, Mom, I gotta go pee.

• 2:22Tom Segura?

  I was telling, um, I was telling Shane last night, cause um, we were talking about video games. And I was like, oh yeah, you know, we got a PS5 and how the boys, you know, they play their games. And then they, they, they like to watch me play games. So they go, you're gonna play basketball? I go, yeah, I'll put on like 2K and I'll play. And how if I'm beating the shit out of somebody, they're like, yeah. But if I'm down by one point, they're like, you suck, man. And, and he's like, yeah, you made, like you created friends.

• 2:54Tom Segura?

  Like I just made a couple of friends who are like, so they got your back when you're good and they, they make fun of you. Yeah, I was like, yeah, that's true. They're like my little buddies.

• 3:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so fun. Yeah. And your littlest buddy Juju decided to take a horrendous dump on the flight back from London.

• 3:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, like it was a multi wiper, like he had to wipe about 500 times. And he's one who really loves a bidet and loves getting clean. Yeah. He loves it.

• 3:23Tom Segura?

  Privacy, please, you know, please shut the door.

• 3:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  So I was standing and they won't go to the bathroom alone on an airplane. I had to stand there, watch him dump. Yeah. And then he's like, it's not clean enough. It's not clean enough. And I'm like, it's fine. He's like, well, how do I clean it? I'm like, just get the toilet paper wet, dude. He just kept wiping. And meanwhile, there's a line of people.

• 3:41Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 3:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't shit on an airplane. I get so much anxiety. Cause what if they, you know, there's people waiting.

• 3:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway.

• 3:49Tom Segura?

  I've been shitting on flights now for a while.

• 3:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, oh, I know.

• 3:52Tom Segura?

  Basically, I never shit on an airplane. And then I turned 40. And then I was like, oh yeah, if I feel anything, I'm gonna shit here.

• 4:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you don't feel the pressure of the people, other people?

• 4:05Tom Segura?

  No, no, I mean.

• 4:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you block that out?

• 4:10Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I just. I just own it dude, and I also go, I do these things where I realize it's gonna be a multi-flusher, you know?

• 4:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:19Tom Segura?

  Cause I'll, I'll do a courtesy flush when the first wave comes out.

• 4:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:25Tom Segura?

  And then, you know, you're wiping, cleaning and wiping. Those are multiple flushes too. I just go like, yeah, I'm shitting up here. There's no secrets.

• 4:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 4:34Tom Segura?

  I'll just let the people know.

• 4:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's really cool.

• 4:36Tom Segura?

  And then I always, well, usually what I do is when I come out of that restroom and you're facing everybody, I make eye contact and I see if they'll break. Cause I go, I'm not gonna break. So I, I look at them like, yeah, I know I just shit. You know it too. And I watch them go down.

• 4:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. You badger them into submission, but I feel like that's the position you have to take. If you're gonna be so bold as to shit on a flight.

• 5:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Well, the thing is, you can't manufacture the confidence. This is something that I've gotten to with age. Twenty-five-year-old me couldn't have done that. Forty-five-year-old me is like, you guys wanna talk, wanna hear about some shit I just did?

• 5:18Tom Segura?

  I just took a shit up here. You deal with it. You're fuck, it's your fucking problem.

• 5:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's your problem now. But that only comes with being a dad. I think you've really come into your dadhood. You were always meant to be a middle-aged dad. Cause that was who you were at twenty-three when I met you.

• 5:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Dad energy?

• 5:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  You've big dad energy.

• 5:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is, this is the fulfillment. It's all, this is perfect for you. This is your time. This is your stride.

• 5:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 5:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 5:47Tom Segura?

  Feels good.

• 5:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I think I was meant to be like a fifty-year-old lady, cause I like that time.

• 5:54Tom Segura?

  Feels good.

• 5:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  It does feel good, cause the-

• 5:56Tom Segura?

  The pressure's off.

• 5:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  The pressure's off. I've done a lot already. I'm not looking for dudes to date or talk to me, you know? Cause I already got the dudes thing.

• 6:06Tom Segura?

  You got a dude. You already got a dude.

• 6:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. As long as I stay thin enough, I'm happy with stuff, you know?

• 6:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. Well, just also, I should say, big shout out to all the people in the UK and Ireland that came out to the shows. Thank you very much. I had a great time doing the shows. Also, big surprise, but you've just got to be honest. You've got to be honest.

• 6:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Too many Muslims in London?

• 6:35Tom Segura?

  That's not where I was going. I was talking about the shows.

• 6:41Tom Segura?

  You just kind of give all, you always got to go like, man, people go, what was the best show? You know where the best show was?

• 6:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where?

• 6:46Tom Segura?

  Cardiff, Wales.

• 6:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Welsh.

• 6:49Tom Segura?

  I'd never done a show there. You know, we did, like, all the shows were fun. We did shows in Dublin, in Belfast, in London, in Manchester, in Nottingham, where am I forgetting?

• 7:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where the sheriff lives.

• 7:05Tom Segura?

  Where the sheriff lives. Robin Hood lives.

• 7:09Tom Segura?

  But, man, we get to Cardiff, it's our last gig, we're like, oh, we hope it's a good one. Fucking

• 7:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bananas.

• 7:15Tom Segura?

  Electric crap.

• 7:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing.

• 7:17Tom Segura?

  And then, a week later, come back and do MSG, a sold-out show at MSG.

• 7:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bananas.

• 7:25Tom Segura?

  And I had Big Secrets, I never announced it, but I had Redman open the show, which was just fucking wild.

• 7:36Tom Segura?

  Absolute one of my all-time favorites. I mean, I've grown up listening to this guy. Reached out, had him open the show, surprise, open the show, which was just, it was so amazing. And then I surprised the audience, I had Chris DiStefano do a set.

• 7:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  So funny.

• 7:53Tom Segura?

  And then had him bring up Joey Diaz, which was another surprise. And then I got up there, and I'll, I'll say this, because sometimes, you know, you do, I would say, here in the States, when you do New York and LA, you know, you can get big crowds, but you can also get a crowd in either of those cities that's like, you know. Who the fuck are you?

• 8:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:15Tom Segura?

  We're, we're the biggest market, like.

• 8:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 8:18Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 8:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know you bitch. Yeah.

• 8:21Tom Segura?

  And you just don't know. Even though it was, it was packed, it was, there was thirteen thousand people at the show. We were like, well, you know, you go, I don't know what they'll be like, dude, this crowd was unbelievable.

• 8:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:34Tom Segura?

  Like literally one of the best crowds I've ever, they were so hot. And they, they never faded for the entire show. Like they had peak energy. And it was just like, it was so fucking fun, man.

• 8:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I think, cause I, I got to go to that and I was so pumped to see you do MSG. I mean, it was, it was, first of all, New York City to me is the center of the universe. It's fantastic. And to see, the crowd was so hyped, cause I think they get it. They're like, if you're at Madison Square Garden.

• 9:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you, you said that.

• 9:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  You did it, man. And I, they're rooting for you. They want you to do well.

• 9:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it was so big. Oh, there's Joey. Oh, my gosh, he's so funny. Chrissy D.

• 9:11Tom Segura?

  So funny. Joey, Chrissy D and I were talking about, we were like, look at this fucking guy. He's wearing sweatpants.

• 9:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:18Tom Segura?

  He's got a Band-Aid on his ear. He looks like he's walking to, to his gate at the airport. And he just walks up on stage and demolishes. Meanwhile, like the rest of us are like, hey, you know, is this, is this shirt steamed? Like you're just trying to like, make sure you look presentable.

• 9:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:35Tom Segura?

  Joey's like, whoa. Like he's just went down to the market to grab a sandwich.

• 9:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:39Tom Segura?

  And he just goes up there and just kills. It was so fun to watch.

• 9:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  He is so amazing.

• 9:44Tom Segura?

  I used to rob people around here.

• 9:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what he said.

• 9:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you're like, that's awesome, dude.

• 9:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Chrissy D and I were backstage and in his green room, there was an event from nineteen eighty-four, a poster.

• 9:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  That said, cat ranking assembly or cat ranking, whatever thing. And he's like, my, you know how he talks like that? My uncle Irvin was a cat ranking judge. And I'm like, no, he wasn't. He's like, no, look, there's videos on TikTok. He's ranking cats. You're so fucking crazy.

• 10:18Tom Segura?

  So insane. These guys are nuts, dude.

• 10:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  New Yorkers are different. They're good.

• 10:23Tom Segura?

  Best. It was really.

• 10:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  So much fun.

• 10:24Tom Segura?

  Thank God. It's like, this will always be a crazy memory for me is um, is doing.

• 10:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my gosh, there's Redman. He was so nice, too. His whole crew was so cool.

• 10:34Tom Segura?

  And also so high, just how I wanted him to be. He was so goddamn high. How high? Well, so high you could touch the sky. Like, it was, it was very, very, there was so much. There was, I was like, which, which green room is Redman in? And then you just follow the smell. And you're like, it's definitely this one.

• 10:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, glad the kids didn't come to this.

• 10:54Tom Segura?

  And Primo came out.

• 10:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 10:56Tom Segura?

  DJ Premier, um, bunch of friends, family. It was just, it was an awesome night. Yeah, Sean took that. He's framing that for me. I thought that was a really cool photo.

• 11:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wonder if Bauhaus will open for me if I ever, you know, do MSG after.

• 11:10Tom Segura?

  You have to reach out.

• 11:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wire.

• 11:12Tom Segura?

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• 11:54Tom Segura?

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• 12:35Tom Segura?

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• 13:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh yeah, his whole life has changed because of three day.

• 13:08Tom Segura?

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• 13:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  One thing before we leave the topic, I just want to give a shout out to London.

• 13:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 13:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  A number one food. I don't know what happened to us a couple of years back.

• 13:45Tom Segura?

  I told you.

• 13:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  We got jacked.

• 13:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we went to bad places.

• 13:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know how that happened. I just want to give a shout out to London, your food crushed.

• 13:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 13:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  However, I will say, I don't know what Europe has against public toilets.

• 13:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 13:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  It feels like they want you to eat the food, but not shit anywhere in public. They're like, you take that dump home and you pee at home.

• 14:06Tom Segura?

  There's a lot of things I like more in Europe, but toilets is not one of them.

• 14:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  They just don't do pub- and it, and oh, you want to use our toilet? It's like five pounds.

• 14:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 14:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you got five pounds on you and then you have to stand in line. I'm like, this is insanity.

• 14:18Tom Segura?

  I don't like it either.

• 14:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  So eventually I would pop into a pub. I learned what to do with the kid.

• 14:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 14:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  And with the kids, oh, my kids have to pee. Or we just pee in the car.

• 14:27Tom Segura?

  You want to shit somewhere in public? You go to Tokyo. It's the number one toilet system on earth.

• 14:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that right?

• 14:33Tom Segura?

  7-Eleven has a Toto washlet. I mean, what are you, what are we, what's going on here? 7-Eleven, I went purposely to 7-Eleven to take a shit.

• 14:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, so this tells me that London, England, UK, Europe, they have something against people going to the bathroom in public.

• 14:51Tom Segura?

  I don't know what it is.

• 14:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  They got a problem with it.

• 14:53Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 14:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam, remember, they're like, you wanna pee, just piss here.

• 14:58Tom Segura?

  Amsterdam set up to pee outside. They're like, we know you're gonna be ready to pee at any moment as a drunk. So here's this outdoor stall.

• 15:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just a concrete thing.

• 15:10Tom Segura?

  And you see the feet, you see, you see people, you're like, I'm taking a piss right now.

• 15:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 15:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause they started doing this, I guess, in the 1500s, cause like, there's the first public toilet.

• 15:22Tom Segura?

  It was the first outdoor urinal, yeah.

• 15:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  And now they're like, well, you're getting drunk.

• 15:26Tom Segura?

  By the way.

• 15:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just pee outside.

• 15:28Tom Segura?

  Once you get past kinda the surprise of this, you're like, well, this is brilliant. I always have to pee. I'm always looking for a place to piss.

• 15:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Me too. So the point is, if you're a tourist that likes to pee.

• 15:38Tom Segura?

  The point is, if you gotta pee, you go to Amsterdam. If you think you're gonna need to shit, you go to Tokyo. Those are the two places that care about your pee and your poop. All right, let's, let's get into this show. You ready? Let's start the show. This is gonna be insane.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  I really hate when they eat it and then they realize that my Garfield is gripping their tongue, and so now they just wanna feel it, they need to feel it, they have to feel it. I don't have time for that. Like, if you're gonna eat me out, I got, I got, my Garfield's great, it's grand, I'm telling you right now. So if you wanna eat me out, fine, but if you wanna go past that, just don't even start because when it grip your tongue, you damn sure wanna penetrate.

• 16:28Tom Segura?

  Who is that? Don't bring anyone motherfucking to this. Hell, yeah. Come on, man, the fucking stand! Yeah.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 16:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, what's wrong with that?

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Christina, Christina. Welcome to your mom's house.

• 16:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 17:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow.

• 17:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm gonna puke.

• 17:28Tom Segura?

  Man, she's got a tight little snatch on her, huh?

• 17:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you know, you always ask this of me whenever there's a cool guy.

• 17:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  This being a cool girl.

• 17:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, do you wanna hit it? Knowing, hold on, knowing that her Garfield is pretty tight and snug.

• 17:44Tom Segura?

  As grand and snug as gonna grip my tongue. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing.

• 17:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Be honest, pretend we're not married.

• 17:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  You get carte blanche. This is your one freebie.

• 17:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there's a lot going on, you're right. This is a kind of reverse psychology thing you're doing here. Well, you know what? Okay.

• 18:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  You mean, you're always telling me like, you don't think that guy's really good at doing the thing? You don't think he'll eat your box out?

• 18:10Tom Segura?

  Okay, I'll start with this. I am curious at what the Garfield does, okay?

• 18:16Tom Segura?

  I'm not gonna deny that I'm not curious. In my mind, as she told the story, I was like, hmm. I wonder what's gonna have my tongue. It was like, is it gonna pull my tongue out? So I did think that. I mean, she's, you know, she's attractive. She's not an unattractive woman.

• 18:34Tom Segura?

  I'm, I don't love the ceiling of her car. I don't love the headboard there.

• 18:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  By the way, I had this exact ceiling.

• 18:43Tom Segura?

  It is cool guy lighting and angle. She's driving, talking about his pussy. It's a lot. She's got, she's got some questionable judgment things going on.

• 18:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that probably makes it even better, babe.

• 18:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, here's the thing. Like you said, it's fine to just go, you know, would I have?

• 19:03Tom Segura?

  Intercourse with this woman, I think I would.

• 19:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 19:07Tom Segura?

  I think I would.

• 19:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  The honesty there.

• 19:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think I would. I think I would.

• 19:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, this is where you and I agree to disagree.

• 19:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't look past the externals. I can't look past the teeth. I can't look past the ceiling that's falling down.

• 19:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I would definitely, here's the thing. Would I, is this one that I would tell everyone about? Like, you know, if I was a single guy, you'd tell your friend. I might, I might keep it.

• 19:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  A secret.

• 19:31Tom Segura?

  You know, I might not tell them, hey, I fucked our Uber driver.

• 19:36Tom Segura?

  But, but yeah, I mean, I'm so curious that her description is appealing.

• 19:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, but here's the real question. I always wonder is, do you take her to your place? Do you go to her place? Do you go, is that her place? Is the car her place?

• 19:49Tom Segura?

  It might be her place.

• 19:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm thinking.

• 19:52Tom Segura?

  That has I live in here vibes.

• 19:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 19:54Tom Segura?

  Also, what is that, like a stopwatch around her neck? What's going on?

• 19:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a heart monitor. It's a pacemaker. I don't know, dude.

• 20:01Tom Segura?

  She's like, I time my drive. Okay.

• 20:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's got a lot of shit around her neck for sure.

• 20:06Tom Segura?

  There's a lot going on. You're right. She's, she's kind of like, it's kind of, but here's the, the only way you make this video as a lady is if you're kind of chaotic, you know? Yeah. Yeah. This isn't, this isn't, um.

• 20:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  But where do you take her? I mean, do you go to a shed? Cause you want to keep it a secret. You can't.

• 20:22Tom Segura?

  No, yeah, no, this is a, this is a secret. This lady's a secret.

• 20:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you check into like a scummy motel?

• 20:28Tom Segura?

  Maybe. I don't know. I mean, you, you definitely are like, no, no, not here. That, that's what the first thing I would say to her. Whatever. She was like, all right. I'd be like, well, not here. That's the first thing I would say to her. Let's go somewhere else. And she was like, well, there's a, I go, how about on the outskirts of town, you know, like another town over? Yeah. She's kind of, this lady, you don't want her to, you don't want her to know where you live, right?

• 20:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, of course not.

• 20:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah. So that's why, that's number one.

• 20:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you know what I just, yeah, sorry.

• 21:00Tom Segura?

  No, no, go ahead.

• 21:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just had a flash of, you know, when you, you just know two people and you're like, I wish I could set them up on a date.

• 21:07Tom Segura?

  Uh huh.

• 21:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't tell me that you don't think she and Unk Shine would be.

• 21:12Tom Segura?

  Oh, amazing.

• 21:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  A perfect match.

• 21:15Tom Segura?

  Ay, ay, ay.

• 21:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Cause he's like, I want to lick your booty.

• 21:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's always time out eating girls out.

• 21:22Tom Segura?

  With my tongue, yes.

• 21:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he loves eating girls out. She loves having her.

• 21:27Tom Segura?

  Here's the thing though, she is 150 IQ points above him.

• 21:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's true.

• 21:34Tom Segura?

  I don't think she would be like, oh, you're cool.

• 21:38Tom Segura?

  She's, you know, I think she's had some attractive partners before.

• 21:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 21:43Tom Segura?

  And like, put together people. Not like, he had, he'll just be like, I saw a woman asleep on the floor.

• 21:51Tom Segura?

  He's a fucking mess, dude.

• 21:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  He is a mess. Yeah. That's true.

• 21:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I wonder which gentlemen are with her, though. I don't know. By the way, this ceiling thing that's her, that's falling in her car, I had the exact thing happen in my 87 Chevy Nova. And I can tell there's, I had cigarette burns in mine too, which I think I see up there as well. Very hard. Once it starts falling, that one is almost impossible to repair.

• 22:15Tom Segura?

  And also.

• 22:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's very tough.

• 22:16Tom Segura?

  The fact, like, I don't have a problem with that being your, the ceiling in your car. You just don't have to show it in the video.

• 22:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you can angle it.

• 22:24Tom Segura?

  She could have just made this video parked.

• 22:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 22:27Tom Segura?

  This way.

• 22:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you can.

• 22:29Tom Segura?

  Maybe not while you're driving. And that's really a safety thing. I don't think you should make these videos while driving. It's not necessary. Guys in the booth, would you, are you curious as to what her Garfield's like?

• 22:42Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 22:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. Surprise answer from Anya.

• 22:45Tom Segura?

  Hell, yeah.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  Yeah. No, that bitch got like a thousand bodies that would never admit that they fucked.

• 22:50Tom Segura?

  Exactly.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  A hundred percent.

• 22:51Tom Segura?

  Zolo?

• 22:52Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, the confidence really is, you know, intriguing.

• 22:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, men are different creatures, I'll tell you.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  I want to know.

• 23:01Tom Segura?

  And she specifically was like, like she's talking about her Garfield grabbing tongues? Not because it happened once. It happens, there's a bunch of guys who are like, holy shit. Like, they're always.

• 23:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel sick. I don't want you doing that sound and like acting. Stop.

• 23:17Tom Segura?

  I'm hanging my hunger. And then she's right. Then everyone's like, I want to put my dick in there.

• 23:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okie dokie.

• 23:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so.

• 23:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, I wanted to let you know.

• 23:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Apropos an earlier discussion on this show, I mentioned obese flight attendant that I had on a flight. And so I was on another flight and a fan of the show, this flight attendant was kind enough and she goes, I heard what you said about the overweight flight attendant. And I was like, yeah, tell me, why is this happening? She goes, they haven't weighed us since 1994.

• 23:52Tom Segura?

  They used to weigh them in 94?

• 23:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Absolute.

• 23:54Tom Segura?

  I figured they thought waiting in the 60s.

• 23:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 23:57Tom Segura?

  Oh.

• 23:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  And she says, you know, they stopped weighing us because she said, apparently it's it's a form of discrimination.

• 24:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 24:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's protected to be a great big fat person. Now, here's the deal, man. I mean, I don't know, the lawyers didn't argue this case well, because that can be, that's a controllable thing, your weight, correct? And what if it's a qualification of said job that you need to be a certain?

• 24:22Tom Segura?

  Well, you know, that's why you see fat cops too, right?

• 24:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Terrible. They gotta take this stuff out.

• 24:27Tom Segura?

  They only have to take the fitness test once, which is like in the academy, which is why you'll see these guys who are literally 330 pounds. And you're like, you're gonna chase a guy? No.

• 24:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  But it makes no sense. Like, let's say a qualification to be a physicist is a PhD in physics, right? There's a qualification, there's a thing that needs to happen. So why can't maintaining a baseline?

• 24:54Tom Segura?

  There's probably, it's all, it's all unionized. That's why, I mean, that's why cops.

• 24:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're all bald and shit.

• 24:59Tom Segura?

  They're all bald and shit and they're, and why they don't have a

• 25:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is.

• 25:03Tom Segura?

  A requirement to stay fit is because of the strength of the union. So I imagine flight attendants have, is there a flight attendants union?

• 25:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  There must be, because.

• 25:11Tom Segura?

  Is there something like that? I don't know.

• 25:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look, a little, I'm saying that this guy was so obese that it was like, he was bumping into us and stuff as he was walking by. I'm like, he can't even do his job.

• 25:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there's the association of flight attendants.

• 25:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, gosh.

• 25:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Is the flight attendant, it represents 50,000 flight attendants and 100% one of the things in there is we can be as fat as we want.

• 25:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, but A, it's cost prohibitive for the airline because you're taking up someone's suitcase space, let's say.

• 25:44Tom Segura?

  They are.

• 25:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Weight is important on an airplane.

• 25:46Tom Segura?

  No, it's insane. You're also giving up the happiness of the people that look at you.

• 25:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the, that's the biggest problem.

• 25:53Tom Segura?

  You're supposed to look at them and be like, oh.

• 25:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pretty.

• 25:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Remember when they were pretty and stuff?

• 25:56Tom Segura?

  You know where they still are?

• 25:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Pretty women.

• 25:59Tom Segura?

  In Asia.

• 26:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Singapore.

• 26:00Tom Segura?

  If you look at Cathay Pacific.

• 26:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 26:03Tom Segura?

  Cathay Pacific Airlines.

• 26:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 26:05Tom Segura?

  They're just like, hey, if you're 125, you get fucked. Get off of this plane. They do not fuck around there. Same thing with like, all like those top to your international ones. Yeah, yeah. They all are, look at that. They're all attractive and put together.

• 26:23Tom Segura?

  Singapore Air, Emirates.

• 26:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Emirates is great.

• 26:26Tom Segura?

  Etihad.

• 26:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 26:28Tom Segura?

  Dude.

• 26:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I know.

• 26:29Tom Segura?

  Look at them.

• 26:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gorgeous.

• 26:30Tom Segura?

  Dimes.

• 26:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 26:31Tom Segura?

  And guess what? Everybody on that fucking flight is like this. This is nice.

• 26:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Happy. Even, shout out to Richard Branson on the Virgin line.

• 26:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Virgin Atlantic. I loved flying Virgin because they were all cool and pretty and they had cool outfits.

• 26:47Tom Segura?

  What's wrong with that?

• 26:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  It matters, dude.

• 26:49Tom Segura?

  Can you not? Yeah, there's restaurants that also only hire attractive women.

• 26:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  The hostess, of course.

• 26:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  The waitress is, oh no.

• 26:55Tom Segura?

  That's deliberate.

• 26:58Tom Segura?

  Jesus Christ, man.

• 27:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, dude. It's a safety issue. How, how is this person gonna assist me off?

• 27:06Tom Segura?

  Someone getting so fat.

• 27:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  And also, when you fly, as you know, Tom.

• 27:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's a weight allotment for aircrafts.

• 27:17Tom Segura?

  Of course.

• 27:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It affects the safety, the balance.

• 27:20Tom Segura?

  And here's the thing.

• 27:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not just.

• 27:22Tom Segura?

  A big fatty, because I've had big, big Barb. You know, she comes down like this and her hips are hitting the, the seat, next to you.

• 27:33Tom Segura?

  And guess what? She's grumpy.

• 27:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 27:36Tom Segura?

  She's kind of sweaty.

• 27:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 27:38Tom Segura?

  She's not pleasant.

• 27:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Not happy.

• 27:39Tom Segura?

  She's got to shit.

• 27:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 27:40Tom Segura?

  She's, she's a big, big broad.

• 27:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Big broad.

• 27:44Tom Segura?

  And she's not even providing good service, man.

• 27:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  They don't, no.

• 27:47Tom Segura?

  Because she's trying to digest food.

• 27:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, she's all logie from the carbs. I do, however, the obese guy that served, he was gay too, he was gay. And he, he was polite. He was fun because he was gay.

• 27:58Tom Segura?

  Fat, gay.

• 27:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  And by the way, I prefer a gay flight attendant. I love the gay male ones.

• 28:03Tom Segura?

  Fat, gay.

• 28:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love a gay flight attendant.

• 28:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're, they're fun.

• 28:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're great. And I will say shout out to the gays in New York City. Boy, can they dress. They looked fantastic. The gays came with their fashion.

• 28:19Tom Segura?

  We were also talking about.

• 28:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  In the, in the US, they have fat flight attendants.

• 28:27Tom Segura?

  That's hilarious, dude.

• 28:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. And how cool would it be to be the person pictured in that article? You're like, oh my god, that's me.

• 28:34Tom Segura?

  You're in the, you're in the press. And they're like, what? Take a picture of me? Yeah, it's an article about how there's fat people here. That's cool. That is so.

• 28:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  So embarrassing.

• 28:47Tom Segura?

  You would be like, oh my god.

• 28:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  They can't use that picture, can they? But I will say in, in London, you don't see as many great big fat people because I think they don't have as much food on the go that we do. Like, you can't just grab a pizza slice and walk through London.

• 29:03Tom Segura?

  We're the fattest. That's no question. Yeah. Also, another thing you notice is how, how, how many attractive people, obviously, this is a numbers game. How many attractive people do you see in New York walking around?

• 29:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  So pretty.

• 29:16Tom Segura?

  Everyone's so good looking. So many good looking people.

• 29:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  The modeling capital of, wait, one of the modeling capitals, stunning people.

• 29:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no, a fucking, a New York six is an Austin ten.

• 29:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, listen, I, I love Austin. I love Austin. I gotta say, a lot of the ladies walk around here garbage dumps. They're not taking care of them. They're not looking good. I mean, you guys see them here in the bars.

• 29:43Tom Segura?

  Hey, how do, like these, you know?

• 29:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's Dallas and Houston.

• 29:45Tom Segura?

  And you see them here, too.

• 29:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  But Austin is more like, just the young girls that should be cute, they're, they, they dress like garbage bags. And I'm like, you guys better.

• 29:55Tom Segura?

  Looking like that, I hope you get your Garfield grips because you're gonna have to bring something to the table, you know? Gotta bring something to the table. Here, you wanted to show me this.

• 30:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  What? Hold.

• 30:05Speaker 05

  Oh my god, you're distracting me right now. Like, now you're just doing that. Why? Why are you distracting me? I just can't think of anything. Yeah, you're just distracting me. No, but, oh my god, stop. You're annoying me. Stop. It's not cute. No, he's distracting me. So.

• 30:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's more, there's more, there's more.

• 30:23Speaker 05

  Gonna see how it feels to have it be out there. It's gonna be great. You're a winner. Oh my god, when I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking. This is why, yes, we'll have to like just cut him out of the show. No, I mean, I think this is a really raw show and it's very real and we took a lot of chances.

• 30:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you see that his face was like, bitch, I will hit you. And I will say, in this instance, he should have hit her. I think this is the time you hit a bitch is this. That is a fucking lack of respect.

• 30:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Big. She don't respect him at all.

• 30:59Tom Segura?

  Well, that's, yeah, I think this went pretty viral.

• 31:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, it did.

• 31:04Tom Segura?

  And they even made a joke about it. Did you see it?

• 31:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 31:07Tom Segura?

  On one of their, maybe it was his Instagram or hers? Like, they kind of replayed it in bed.

• 31:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah, because she's like, a lot of people are saying that like,

• 31:15Tom Segura?

  I disrespect you.

• 31:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I disrespect you, but I don't want you to get a lump you. And I was like, dude.

• 31:20Tom Segura?

  I know, I know, I know you do.

• 31:25Tom Segura?

  I still learning the English.

• 31:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you say disrespect? Like, can you find that? I'll have to watch, because I saw the first few seconds and I clicked off because I'm so disinterested in these two as people. But, I mean, could you, babe, if I talk to you like that, first of all, privately, negative, but publicly?

• 31:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah, publicly.

• 31:46Tom Segura?

  Bruh.

• 31:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bruh. First of all, the guy's old, like, he doesn't want seven kids. He's letting you have seven kids. Like, be nice.

• 31:55Tom Segura?

  Let's be clear about something too in this, just straight up. Of the two of them, why is there a camera anywhere?

• 32:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  A hundred percent.

• 32:03Tom Segura?

  So, right then when she goes, when I'm talking, you're not talking, he should have been like, do you know why they're even fucking doing this? It's not because of you.

• 32:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, babe.

• 32:11Tom Segura?

  It's because of me.

• 32:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  A hundred percent, babe.

• 32:13Tom Segura?

  So how about whenever I feel like talking, you shut the fuck up?

• 32:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then a fucking slap. Yeah, a little Sean Connery. Ay, qué lastima. How do you say it?

• 32:23Tom Segura?

  Ay.

• 32:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  What do you say when you get hit in Spanish?

• 32:27Tom Segura?

  Ay, ay, ay.

• 32:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  No me gusta.

• 32:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  No my baby, no my baby.

• 32:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's insane.

• 32:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's insane. But she has a great rack for fucking seven kids.

• 32:41Tom Segura?

  She's beautiful. I think she's a yoga instructor.

• 32:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, she's always working out on the ground.

• 32:45Tom Segura?

  You know how there's always reality shows about yoga instructors? No, it's because you married a movie star.

• 32:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alright, let's see this horseshit where she's.

• 32:53Speaker 05

  Oh my god, when I'm talking, you're not talking.

• 32:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 32:55Speaker 05

  No, when I'm talking, you're not talking. This is why, yes, we'll have to like just cut him out of the show. And that is called, what's the word of the day? Man interrupting. Man interrupting, which could be a positive, it could be a negative, or it could be a?

• 33:12Speaker 05

  Correctile dysfunction. Yes, correctile dysfunction, I think that's one of our children trying to get into their room. Um, but you know, the whole point is, because our children are about to come in, the whole point is that we interrupt each other all the time.

• 33:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why are they laughing? What's the?

• 33:31Speaker 05

  I'm coming. Okay, I'm coming.

• 33:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a great apartment in New York City.

• 33:36Speaker 05

  Okay, so now that we cleared all of that up.

• 33:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's all those yoga classes she taught.

• 33:41Speaker 05

  They know that I'm not.

• 33:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a, oh. That's a gorgeous place. Big room.

• 33:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I like that guy goes, the word of the day is rude. You were rude to your husband.

• 33:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and then she doubles down on it. This is a double down.

• 33:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Listen.

• 33:58Tom Segura?

  Everybody knows.

• 33:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's going on?

• 34:00Tom Segura?

  What's going on here?

• 34:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is going on here?

• 34:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He just is, does she have the grip in her Garfield?

• 34:05Tom Segura?

  Oh yeah, I'm sure she's got a real grippy Garfield.

• 34:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that this is?

• 34:08Tom Segura?

  I mean, not after seven, but I'm sure it started pretty grippy.

• 34:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's not anymore.

• 34:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't know, it's pretty obvious, right? He's like thirty years older than her or something.

• 34:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Babe.

• 34:20Tom Segura?

  And he was.

• 34:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is Alec Baldwin.

• 34:22Tom Segura?

  I know, but he met her, he was already like in his fifties.

• 34:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 34:26Tom Segura?

  And she was like, whatever, twenty eight.

• 34:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cute.

• 34:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but he's Alec Baldwin. He can get, he was with Kim.

• 34:32Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 34:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Basing her at one point, like, brew, he don't need her.

• 34:36Tom Segura?

  Well, this is, you know, the train's left the state, you have seven kids with someone, yeah.

• 34:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe that's why she, is that why she's cranking somebody out to like lock it down, lock it down, lock it down?

• 34:45Tom Segura?

  And also like, it's funny because.

• 34:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's wild, dude.

• 34:49Tom Segura?

  You can tell who's a real performer and entertainer in this dynamic. I mean, you're still, like, you're just still, there's a reason. Why this wasn't your life.

• 35:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 35:02Tom Segura?

  Before him was because you're not that entertaining.

• 35:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, she's not. There's no talent. There's not a talent.

• 35:08Tom Segura?

  You're still a yoga instructor.

• 35:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:09Tom Segura?

  You just married a movie star.

• 35:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's gorgeous. Hey.

• 35:12Tom Segura?

  She's very pretty.

• 35:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good body, good fate. Like, she's really, I don't think she's very interesting to listen to, or

• 35:18Tom Segura?

  No.

• 35:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's not many ideas and stuff, but, um, wow, I'm surprised. Did you see the rage? Hold on. Can you back it up in that interview where he kind of goes, he goes?

• 35:28Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, that was awesome. Yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  Gonna see how it feels to have it be out there. It's gonna be great. You're a winner. Oh, my God, when I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking. This is why.

• 35:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So that's funny. Now he's still funny.

• 35:40Speaker 05

  No.

• 35:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  And now he thinks about that.

• 35:42Speaker 05

  I mean, I think this is a really raw show, and it's very real and...

• 35:49Tom Segura?

  That's, you know what happened right here? When he went, he was just like, you can't hit her on, you can't, you can't hit a woman.

• 35:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah. He's thinking of the Garfield. He goes, thinking of her Garfield.

• 36:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah. This fucking bitch had seven kids.

• 36:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He's trapped, dude. That is wild.

• 36:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's insane.

• 36:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is why we say it all the time.

• 36:11Tom Segura?

  How old is he now?

• 36:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ninety-eight.

• 36:14Tom Segura?

  No, he's gotta be like...

• 36:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Poor guy. I mean, God, he was so gorgeous.

• 36:19Tom Segura?

  He's sixty-six. This man is almost seventy years old.

• 36:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 36:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  But man, I had the biggest crush on him as a little girl. When he did that movie, The Marrying Man, with Kim Basinger, I was like, God, if I grow up to look like Kim Basinger and I could get Alec Baldwin.

• 36:35Tom Segura?

  Oh, he's a stud, dude.

• 36:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. I thought he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen.

• 36:40Tom Segura?

  He's so handsome.

• 36:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah.

• 36:42Tom Segura?

  And when he was Jack Ryan?

• 36:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 36:44Tom Segura?

  When he played Jack Ryan?

• 36:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  In what?

• 36:47Tom Segura?

  In, um, whatever it's called.

• 36:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. Look at that.

• 36:52Tom Segura?

  That's what he's like. That's his James Bond era.

• 36:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gorgeous.

• 36:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He was fantastic in that.

• 36:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fuck, all the bald ones. I think one or two are kinda goofy looking.

• 37:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that genetic lottery just is what it is, but he definitely got all the good stuff. Yeah. No, he's fantastic actor.

• 37:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Voice, that gravelly voice.

• 37:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's really good.

• 37:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I really liked him.

• 37:13Tom Segura?

  But this is also part of what putting your whole family on display.

• 37:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope.

• 37:18Tom Segura?

  Like, reality shows. I cannot believe any of these people sign up. I hope they're paying him a fucking fortune for this.

• 37:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  They, but it's always a marriage killer, cuz everybody that's ever done one, they end up divorced, except for Ozzy and, uh, what's her name? Sharon Osbourne, but other than that, they didn't divorce her together. But they were ironclad before. I mean, Ozzy was doing crazy shit for years before they had a reality show. The reality show probably calmed him down. But they always end up divorced, broken, no good, no bueno.

• 37:47Tom Segura?

  No. Wow, my god, that was just fucking insane. Oh, yeah, this is, you're gonna love this.

• 37:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would've hit her. Fuck, dude.

• 37:56Tom Segura?

  Got a montage for you. You ready?

• 37:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:58Tom Segura?

  Here we go.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Government of Canada, get your target program off my family now. They're in uniform to have a party. No one will fucking stop them. Bastards.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  They do the most hated things to my belly button. My lips and my finger burnt, skin falling out of my mouth. I'm bracing for their, their, uh, energy boys.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  They're trying to talk to my theater.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Stop choking me. I'm trying to be strong here. I'm having a breakdown today.

• 38:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Do you hear me?

• 38:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is what it feels like to take the subway in New York City.

• 38:52Tom Segura?

  I sent a video of first to Sickler. He goes, "The funniest part is that I see that you follow her."

• 39:02Tom Segura?

  I was like, "Yeah, every day she's just like, "Ah, look at my tongue." They're sending, they're sending radioactive waves into my apartment. Yeah.

• 39:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, my mom got into that later in life.

• 39:12Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 39:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  There, there's waves and the telephone's got sound waves. I can't use the telephone. I can't send emails. They're, yeah. This is a little bit of schizophrenia, Tom.

• 39:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she's schizophrenic. It's pretty cool. She's really mad at the Canadian government. I know her whole story.

• 39:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's she mad at?

• 39:31Tom Segura?

  The Canadian government is attacking her and they're trying to like, uh, send these, um, kind of penetrative waves into her place. And they're, um, they're abusing her and she just wants somebody to come in and stop them.

• 39:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:45Tom Segura?

  They even follow her outside and stuff. It's fucked up.

• 39:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's, that's, you gotta put tinfoil on the windows. Everybody knows that. Number one. And yeah, don't go outside. This is when you become a shutout. This is about where my mom decided to call every day and stay inside.

• 39:58Tom Segura?

  But man, there's a lot of tears. A lot of, yeah.

• 40:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yet she still knows how to post a video on social media.

• 40:06Tom Segura?

  And she writes, and she writes the captions. Yeah.

• 40:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  She does?

• 40:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow. So she's still there a little bit.

• 40:10Tom Segura?

  Something's still there. It's not all there. Something's there.

• 40:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. I'm looking forward to her creative development.

• 40:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where's this gonna go?

• 40:17Tom Segura?

  We'll have a follow up pretty soon. Um, you know, the Baldwin's, I don't think they're doing it right as a family, but I think this is a great move for our family.

• 40:27Tom Segura?

  Using a family cloth instead of toilet paper. Everyone learns responsibility, cleaning the family cloth. You don't have to waste all that fucking money on toilet paper. You know what I mean? Think about how much you would save in a year.

• 40:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree.

• 40:42Tom Segura?

  Hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars.

• 40:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm into this. And, uh, the waste, just the, the, uh, psychological stuff.

• 40:48Tom Segura?

  I just shit.

• 40:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:50Tom Segura?

  I wipe my ass with the family cloth. Rinse it off, put it there for you.

• 40:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  How are you rinsing it though? What are you, you're using soap, right?

• 40:58Tom Segura?

  I don't think you need to go that far. Just a little, little run under the sink, have all this shit go down in the sink and then hang it back up. Now it's your turn.

• 41:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  The problem though, is that I gotta wipe my ginny.

• 41:10Tom Segura?

  That's fine.

• 41:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do I get my own cloth?

• 41:11Tom Segura?

  No, no, no. It's a family cloth. We share it as a family.

• 41:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't use the shit cloth on my vagines.

• 41:18Tom Segura?

  Sure you can. You can just flip over the cloth.

• 41:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I didn't even think about that. And then the boys, they get to wipe it?

• 41:24Tom Segura?

  They wipe. And you know how they're so meticulous with all the things they do. Perfectly used and perfectly cleaned.

• 41:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is such a great idea. We gotta get into the family cloth.

• 41:35Tom Segura?

  I thought you'd like that.

• 41:41Tom Segura?

  She's cute.

• 41:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's got great heiny.

• 41:43Tom Segura?

  She's got a great ass.

• 41:46Tom Segura?

  Pretty face.

• 41:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I could do these videos so well. I'm gonna get into this.

• 41:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fifty year old mom farts.

• 41:53Tom Segura?

  That's a lot of farts. Like, she's doing makeup. You see she's got her eyeliner brush in her left hand there.

• 42:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I could do this. Every time I worry if you're gonna drop dead and I have to support the kids, I remember I can do these.

• 42:06Tom Segura?

  Farts, yeah. I know, Annie's turned on right now.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  Why she gotta do this, man?

• 42:13Tom Segura?

  She's gotta shit is what she's gotta do. She's ready to shit.

• 42:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's gotta do this because guys, guys get hard. They pay for it.

• 42:22Speaker 04

  She better than this, man. She could do other things.

• 42:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  She doesn't want to. The other things are nasty. This is easy. This is money on the table.

• 42:28Tom Segura?

  It is the easy. Of all the kinks you can get into, farting is like, some people are like, I fart whatever 20 times a day. They're like, yeah, just roll it. Roll camera.

• 42:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Roll camera.

• 42:37Tom Segura?

  You don't hear her breathing, breathing heavy like, oh fuck, gotta get another one.

• 42:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's just theatrics.

• 42:42Tom Segura?

  But she doesn't feel like, she doesn't feel like she's, like, really, you know, exposing herself. She's like...

• 42:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope. Yeah, I don't even see her face. Could be anybody.

• 42:52Tom Segura?

  And her tits are put away.

• 42:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is what I'm saying. Her clothes is on? Her clothes are on?

• 42:58Tom Segura?

  Her clothes are on, yeah.

• 42:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 43:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's everybody? Yeah, I think that I could do this lickety split.

• 43:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 43:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think I got a new painting coming. I finished one. I would be honest, I did finish my next one, but I'm not sure it's good enough.

• 43:13Tom Segura?

  All right, well, listen.

• 43:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've got some artistic stuff. I don't know. I'm very, feeling insecure.

• 43:18Tom Segura?

  Reed, I need a rogue.

• 43:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Breed, I need a rogue.

• 43:24Tom Segura?

  I need a rogue.

• 43:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, you have to start creating a rogue pocket in your pants and stuff.

• 43:30Tom Segura?

  It's not a bad idea.

• 43:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's not a bad idea.

• 43:33Speaker 04

  Don't forget, by the way, his name's Breed. He likes Breed.

• 43:35Tom Segura?

  Breed?

• 43:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:37Tom Segura?

  I didn't know Breed.

• 43:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Breed? Why Breed?

• 43:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, nice, bro.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  That's, that's good.

• 43:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Do you like to go by Breed?

• 43:43Speaker 01

  No, that's just for fucking any color.

• 43:45Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 43:47Tom Segura?

  Black guys love cool nicknames. I know.

• 43:50Speaker 04

  He's a lying Breed.

• 43:55Tom Segura?

  MC Breed.

• 43:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was so silly. Breed, can I say something about Breed, though?

• 44:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 44:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's pushing back now.

• 44:03Tom Segura?

  Is he?

• 44:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's getting some sass. He's getting his feathers ruffled.

• 44:07Tom Segura?

  That's what you want, man.

• 44:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's pushing back. Now, he came in a little more docile and now he's like, fuck you, dude.

• 44:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, well, he's gotten...

• 44:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's getting good.

• 44:13Tom Segura?

  He's getting, yeah, he's comfortable.

• 44:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's getting strong.

• 44:15Tom Segura?

  I like it. I like it.

• 44:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I like it, too. I like it.

• 44:17Tom Segura?

  Um, okay, honestly...

• 44:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Honestly?

• 44:21Tom Segura?

  This entire episode, I have just been holding on to get to this. And that is...

• 44:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no, I'm scared.

• 44:32Tom Segura?

  That our buddy, um...

• 44:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 44:38Tom Segura?

  Tony Johns. If you have not been following this on Instagram, because we've been traveling, touring, and I've been watching, every day, I see something of Tony John. And I, at first, I was like, oh, this one thing just happened to him. It has been, if there was a reality show on this right now, it's the most dramatic two weeks that could possibly happen in somebody's life. So, let me just recap what has happened in two to three weeks since this guy...

• 45:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we set it up? What part of the world is he in?

• 45:14Tom Segura?

  This is in Auburn, New York.

• 45:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 45:15Tom Segura?

  Upstate New York.

• 45:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 45:17Tom Segura?

  And...

• 45:19Tom Segura?

  You know, the only thing we knew, we knew, we knew when he came on, just to like, kind of set all this up.

• 45:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:24Tom Segura?

  We knew he had been working at Lowe's and that, that was like a stable thing for him. And then he'd gotten let go. And you're like, well, you know, that does happen, right? People have jobs, they lose their job. It's just, this is a reality of life. And you're like, okay, you lost your job. And he's like, well, now I got a job at Walmart. And you're like, yeah, cool. You were at Lowe's, now you're at Walmart, stocking shelves, you're doing your thing, you're making a living. Um, you know, hopefully you can do that for a while. In the three week, three weeks since he, we last kind of spoke to him, he lost his job at Walmart.

• 46:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 46:01Tom Segura?

  He's being evicted.

• 46:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 46:04Tom Segura?

  He started an OnlyFans charging $20 a month. He has about 10 fans right now.

• 46:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 46:09Tom Segura?

  He was kicked out of a library, the public library, because he was filming inappropriate content with panties in his mouth.

• 46:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  But he loves the library.

• 46:18Tom Segura?

  He got kicked out of Kyuga Community College Library because he was asking for money. He got kicked out of Planet Fitness, which was his favorite judge-free zone, where he would go, every fucking day he was at Planet Fitness. He got kicked out because he was recording in the bathroom.

• 46:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, dear.

• 46:34Tom Segura?

  And they reported him for that. He got in trouble at the tanning salon for leaving a mess and hitting on staff. And by mess, I'm assuming there's some fluid.

• 46:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 46:45Tom Segura?

  He's seeking a new job. He's taking legal action against the landlord with an attorney for being kicked out of his apartment and for being a prostitute or something there. He believes this is all about jealousy, people don't like him, social discrimi... So here's just like, let's see like, kind of a, a few of these put together, okay?

• 47:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, oh dear.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  How's it going, everybody? So there was a little situation here at Walmart. A coworker, um, has now threatened me with my life. A coworker has now told me that he is going to snap my fucking neck.

• 47:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  I am very, very scared right now. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's gonna happen. But a coworker has now threatened me with my life, saying that he is going to snap my neck. Uh, I'm very, very nervous, very, very scared for my safety. I don't know, it's very, very scary. And this is a big boy, this is a big man. Yeah, he's out here making threats towards me. Bye.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  Crazy, crazy man.

• 47:51Tom Segura?

  So, one of the things about Tony Johns, I like Tony Johns a lot, a lot.

• 47:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, of course.

• 47:57Tom Segura?

  But one of the patterns that you see in, in all these is he's like, here's some shit happening to me. I don't know where it happened from. And it's like, you know, did a coworker just be like, I'm gonna break your fucking neck for no reason?

• 48:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 48:11Tom Segura?

  Because he's like crazy, shit's just wild. Fucking insane that this is happening. You're like, well, something happened, right? And then-

• 48:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's not taking responsibility.

• 48:18Tom Segura?

  None.

• 48:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's no accountability, yeah.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  I don't know if it's a plumbing issue or pipes might be clogged.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  There's a, another bathroom down here. Sir. Pretty, uh, pretty wild out here.

• 48:34Speaker 01

  Hope he doesn't put me on fucking film, buddy. Oh, no, sir, partner, you wanna be on film? I can put you on film if you want. No, you can actually. Cool, you got it. He doesn't wanna be on film, so he won't be on film. You're a wise guy, man. You have a good day, partner. Got a plumber here talking to me. Uh, but yeah, this bad boy's out of commission here. This is a judge-free zone here, sir. Judge-free zone. Got a plumber. Alright, boss. I'm a worker.

• 49:02Tom Segura?

  So that's his other favorite new expression.

• 49:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Judge-free zone.

• 49:05Tom Segura?

  No, worker.

• 49:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a worker.

• 49:07Tom Segura?

  I'm a worker. He says it a fucking million times a video, okay?

• 49:12Speaker 01

  So, me and a co-, uh, me and a couple coworkers got into a little, little scuffle at Walmart nighttime stocking crew. Uh, my one coworker was making fun of me because of my past. I used to be really poor. So I ended up blowing up and, uh, blowing, uh, blowing off on him and making fun of him because his wife ended up cheating on him with a pastor. Both these clowns ended up taking off, running to the manager and ended up, uh, crying and, uh, complaining to the manager and I was escorted out.

• 49:45Tom Segura?

  I don't know if that whole story adds up.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, what's going on Scott? I just got home dude.

• 49:51Tom Segura?

  This is landlord.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  I've been looking for a job. I just got home, what's your problem? What's your problem, partner? Why do you hate me, boss? Okay, I make money fucking women on OnlyFans.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  No, sir.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  No, sir, I'm a ladies man, I'm a performer. I'm a performer.

• 50:25Speaker 01

  I'll be up all night doing solo videos. Yes, sir. Yep, yep, you got it, partner. I'll be up all night doing solos, baby. Yes, sir. Have a good night, partner. A bag's a bag, baby.

• 50:40Tom Segura?

  That's his landlord.

• 50:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yikes.

• 50:44Tom Segura?

  That's his landlord.

• 50:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a worker.

• 50:48Tom Segura?

  He's a worker.

• 50:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, have you ever spoken to anybody like that in your life?

• 50:55Tom Segura?

  No.

• 50:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, especially the landlord.

• 50:57Tom Segura?

  That's not all of it, dude.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  I really have, I've got nothing wrong, man.

• 51:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tell them you're a worker.

• 51:04Tom Segura?

  Membership's been cancelled at Planet Fitness.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  So, uh, they'll be hearing from my lawyer too. Judge free zone here. Worker, judge free zone, they'll be hearing from my lawyer. These guys are wild in here, man. It's a judge free zone, that guy's judging me, that worker's judging me. Seriously, that guy is judging me. For my social media, cuz I'm a performer and I'm a worker.

• 51:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's very tan in this one.

• 51:31Tom Segura?

  I don't, see, and I've just been like putting together his obsession with being a worker. Cuz he also walked into multiple car dealerships.

• 51:40Tom Segura?

  With wraparound shades, a backwards hat, a chain. He's like, "You guys hiring? I can sell the fuck out of these cars." On live, Instagram live. And they're, you know, the dealerships are like, "Uh, yeah. Why don't you fill out some paperwork?" Like, they're like, "Who's this fucking lunatic?" And he's like, "I'm a worker, I'm a worker." And, you know, "Just out here, I'm a worker, man." I don't know if he's like, I thought he was using it as the, like, "I'm just somebody who works hard."

• 52:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:07Tom Segura?

  But now I think he just uses it as, "I'm a sex worker." Like, I think he heard-

• 52:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so.

• 52:11Tom Segura?

  I think he heard the term and he adopted it, like, "Oh yeah, that's me, I'm a sex worker."

• 52:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he shouldn't really tell people.

• 52:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He opened his interview, he's like, "I got a couple DUIs." And the guy was like, "That's cool."

• 52:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, can I tell you what he's giving me, though? Kind of giving me Fed Smoker.

• 52:26Tom Segura?

  That's, that's the thing.

• 52:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:28Tom Segura?

  Some people think Fed Smoker has been reincarnated.

• 52:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, for sure.

• 52:32Tom Segura?

  And I am not against that.

• 52:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, me either. I'm, I'm, I'm lacking this evolution. You know, we started as the ladies' man, just, "Get your DUI, bing."

• 52:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  And now we're getting aggressive. We're starting to get into Fed Smoker territory.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  You're fired, bud.

• 52:49Tom Segura?

  You sure are.

• 52:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're getting there. This is turning, this is turning.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  Changing my lock.

• 52:54Tom Segura?

  They're changing the locks on his apartment.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Myers and Scott. Um, I don't know, somewhere. Right down there, probably.

• 53:03Tom Segura?

  Scott.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Working.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 53:08Tom Segura?

  Working, working.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  We got my sweetheart right there on the left, yeah. There's, there's Scott. You got a sweetie. Yes, sir, 100%. Yep. No, sir.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  Perfect. I'll see you, boys, in court. Oh, yeah, 100%.

• 53:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  In court.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  I'll see you, boys, in court. We got workers, thongs, let's get, I'll see you, boys, in court. Yep.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  That's fine with me, partner. That's totally cool with me. I've been homeless before, I'm not scared, I'm a big boy. I got my big boy pants on, let's go. Woo, let's go.

• 53:37Tom Segura?

  So, one of the things he's doing-

• 53:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, shit.

• 53:41Tom Segura?

  Is he's saying, they're like, "Are you gonna pay any more rent?" He's like, "Fuck no, I'll see you guys in court." It's like, "Yeah, that's not a good angle for court." They try to throw me out for not paying rent, and I wanna-

• 53:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Judges are like, yeah.

• 53:54Tom Segura?

  I wanna sue them. You know?

• 53:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  He doesn't have a case.

• 53:58Tom Segura?

  I don't know, man. Then he goes to the community college.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  I'm on my way to London.

• 54:02Tom Segura?

  This is how he was, he showed up to apply for jobs like this. He walked into a car dealership, like, "You guys hiring?"

• 54:11Tom Segura?

  But he had a hat on, chains on, too.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  You know, the local, uh, community college library? Cause the other library I can't go to, but this community college I can go to. Your boy is going to school.

• 54:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nice.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  Boy, what's going on? What's going on?

• 54:27Tom Segura?

  This is crazy. This is crazy, wow.

• 54:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no, he's getting kicked out.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  What are you talking about? That's craziness, man. They're asking me to leave now? This is crazy, man. Written in the letter, sir. I've done nothing wrong. Again, I'm an innocent man.

• 54:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I feel like you have.

• 54:45Tom Segura?

  He says this a lot, too. He says, "This is crazy. I've done nothing wrong, and I'm an innocent man, and then usually I'm a worker." Right after that. At least in 15 videos that I've seen.

• 54:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish I could see what he's doing that's ramping these folks up.

• 54:58Tom Segura?

  I think we're gonna get to that in a moment.

• 54:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, thank God.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  I will leave this, I'm gonna, I'm gonna walk out. I'm, I'm just wondering why, I've done nothing wrong. It's all, it's all the craziness. I'm gonna leave right now, yes, ma'am, that's my letter? But yeah. This is craziness, seriously.

• 55:13Tom Segura?

  This is crazy. This is wild. This is crazy.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  I'm a good man, seriously. I'm a very good man, I've done nothing wrong. Seriously. Craziness. Yes, ma'am, I'll follow you guys right now. I'm, uh, go, uh, they're gonna walk me out the building. Yes, yep. I'm walking out right now. Ladies, ma'am. Crazy.

• 55:33Tom Segura?

  So this is the second library that's asking to leave.

• 55:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, and he loves the library.

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  He remember we asked him?

• 55:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's his favorite place.

• 55:40Tom Segura?

  We were like, "You like the library? And you, you told him, 'What's your favorite book?'" And he goes, "I like magazines." And then, we said, "What's your favorite magazine?" He goes, "I can't lie, I love my Hustlers."

• 55:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Or like, "At the library?"

• 55:53Tom Segura?

  At the library? I don't think they carry that. Well, you can bring them in, and you're like, "Oh, cool."

• 55:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe that's why he's getting kicked out.

• 56:00Tom Segura?

  Um, here's another. This is, by the way, this isn't taking place over six months.

• 56:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 56:06Tom Segura?

  This is, this is just literally like 14 days.

• 56:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oof, Tony, Tony.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  Out here working, baby. Trying to make an hundred dollar. Out here working.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  Doing crazy social media videos.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  Craziness, man, you know, just trying to, you know, make an honest dollar.

• 56:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  His phone's ringing.

• 56:29Tom Segura?

  What else do you hear?

• 56:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I got it. This is classic Tony, though.

• 56:35Tom Segura?

  This one came down. We grabbed it before it came down.

• 56:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the essence of TJ, though.

• 56:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the Tony Johns I know and love.

• 56:42Tom Segura?

  Little porn in the background. Then the tanning salon sent him some text messages that he posted. I don't know if you want to take that one. Can you read that?

• 56:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't read it, sorry.

• 56:52Tom Segura?

  Oh, Anthony, this is a message from Zoom Tan. It has come to our attention that you left your room in an unsanitary condition multiple times and have been inappropriate with the staff. If this happens again, your account will be terminated. You will be permanently banned from Zoom Tan. He wrote, what are you talking about? Interesting. Let's look at some camera footage. I will be down later around seven.

• 57:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 57:13Tom Segura?

  Our salon does not have access to the cameras to review. You're more than welcome to email customer service to speak further. Then he...

• 57:26Tom Segura?

  He goes, bet, no worries. Thanks. I will be down at stuff. I had no idea. I love Zoom Tan. I can't get kicked out because I need to look good for my line of work. So please understand I will focus on myself. I won't hit on any of the front desk ladies anymore. Yes, they are all beautiful, but yes, I will focus on myself. And I'll be a good boy. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I'm sorry. Little accountability there.

• 57:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:51Tom Segura?

  Then the Scott the landlord's back.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  What's going on, Scott? What's going on here, partner? No, no, what's going on, boss? Yo, you're the one who... I just got home. What you doing, boss? What you doing? Cleaning your shit. What? Cleaning your fucking shit, okay? Why don't you sign a waiver and get in a ring with me? Perfect. Let's go. Okay, go. Let's go. Hundred percent. Let's go. Let's go. So this landlord, Scott, will hop in the ring with me. You'll sign a waiver? You'll sign a waiver? I'll sign a waiver. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. You know what? Let's go. Hundred percent. No, no, we need waivers. Waivers, waivers. We can just sign a newspaper. Hundred percent. We can sign a... Hundred percent. We can sign a newspaper. Look at this guy. Look at this crazy man. He's lost his mind. Office meds. Office meds. Total craziness.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  They don't have to wait. Don't... No, hell no. You're a prostitute. I don't care. Have a good night, sweetheart. Yeah. Have a good night. Yeah. Yes, sweetie. Have a good night. Yes, sir.

• 58:48Tom Segura?

  Just Tuesday.

• 58:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  I thought they changed the locks. How is he getting back into the place?

• 58:53Tom Segura?

  I'm curious about that, too.

• 58:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is lame.

• 58:55Tom Segura?

  Perhaps my favorite of all these is when he did YMH Live. We were like, would you fuck a guy for a million dollars? And he was like, oh, no, I don't think so. Maybe. Yeah. And then we were like, what about like 500,000? He was like, that's a shitload of money. Yeah. But it was still like a lot of money, you know? And then now he's like.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  Hello, everybody. Ladies, man here. Hear me out. I got my swig. Got my bag here.

• 59:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is he drinking?

• 59:29Tom Segura?

  Usually Fanta.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  OnlyFans money right here. So hear me out. And I know this may sound totally wild, totally out of this world, but hear me out. Me being a poor boy growing up.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  And this may sound wild to a lot of people, but me personally, dude, I'm loving this OnlyFans money.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  I would do some crazy stuff.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  Gay for pay.

• 59:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nah, we knew.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Partners, let's be straight.

• 1:00:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  We knew.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  A hoe's a hoe. But see, there's always a price tag on something, you know?

• 1:00:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Ladies, man here, I'm just letting everybody know. Hey, man, money talks.

• 1:00:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  See, see, you know what he figured out?

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  Let's go.

• 1:00:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  With OnlyFans is that the only people paying for sexual content on OnlyFans is dudes.

• 1:00:24Tom Segura?

  It's men.

• 1:00:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Women are not paying for this stuff.

• 1:00:26Tom Segura?

  Well, the other thing you realize if you are doing that kind of stuff.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  I'm a worker.

• 1:00:30Tom Segura?

  You're a worker.

• 1:00:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're a worker.

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  You're just working, bro.

• 1:00:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, do you think he has a bank account, though?

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  I'm a ladies man. I'm a performer.

• 1:00:37Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:00:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's no way he's paid yet. How are they paying?

• 1:00:40Tom Segura?

  He has a very, very bad relationship with money.

• 1:00:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 1:00:45Tom Segura?

  It's extremely bad.

• 1:00:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can tell. I mean, look at, look, the, he's got money for the tanning salon, for the fitness.

• 1:00:53Tom Segura?

  His perspective is if I have money, immediately spend it. Because it's just money and more money will come in later. And you're like, what are you talking about? He spent his money that we gave him in a day. Like, he had trouble getting that check cashed. Like he couldn't get it cashed and then he got it cashed and he was like, now I'm gonna spend it all.

• 1:01:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I mean, like.

• 1:01:15Tom Segura?

  It's insane.

• 1:01:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  How was he?

• 1:01:16Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:01:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  I wish he would just stay at a Walmart. Like, he needs that structure.

• 1:01:22Tom Segura?

  I don't know what's going on.

• 1:01:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  He needs a paycheck.

• 1:01:23Tom Segura?

  Let's find out what's going on. Can we call Tony?

• 1:01:27Tom Segura?

  All right, let's call Tony.

• 1:01:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  All right. Can I pitch first? I got it.

• 1:01:29Tom Segura?

  Oh, she wants to pee first.

• 1:01:34Tom Segura?

  Can I get a beer? Tony!

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  Yo, oh, yo, yo, yo!

• 1:01:38Tom Segura?

  Yo, bro, how's it going, man?

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  Yo, dude, it's, yo, dog, is this fucking Tom?

• 1:01:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's Tom and Christina, man.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  Dog, dude, yo!

• 1:01:50Tom Segura?

  Tony.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Yo, yo, no, no, no, you guys, yo, no, no. Like, I'm like spazzing out right now because, yo, dude, check me out. No, no, ever since I got back from Texas, no, hear me out.

• 1:02:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  My life was legit changed, 100% because of you crazy guys. And I love you guys, man. Yo, Tom.

• 1:02:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, man.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  If I ever get back down to Texas, partner, I, I wanna suck your, your big toe. Is that okay?

• 1:02:16Tom Segura?

  That's an awesome offer, man. Thanks, yeah.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  Yes, sir, dog, dude, dude, you cannot, dude, everywhere I go out here in New York, all, all through upstate, everywhere, dog. Like, dude, cute girls is checking me out, dog. It's just.

• 1:02:29Tom Segura?

  Tony, I gotta ask, I gotta, I gotta ask you something, man. I have been following, like, really in detail, everything going on, on Instagram for the last few weeks. It's been a wild, wild few weeks for you. And so.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  Yes, sir.

• 1:02:46Tom Segura?

  I wanna ask something. So initially, I was perplexed that, you know, the, the public library tossed you out that day, right?

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 1:02:57Tom Segura?

  It's crazy. And you were like, this is wild, this is crazy. But they had to have had some rea-, like, what was the reason that they kicked you out of the library?

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  Yes, sir. So, so, Tom, check me out, dude. It's a wild story, so. Um, a girl, you know, she was a coworker at Lowe's, um, and I, I know it's not right, brother, but, uh, you know, beautiful girl, um.

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  She, uh, you know, we had some fun on, uh, on Christmas and that was the last time I ever saw her.

• 1:03:26Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  I was taking, uh, some, uh, explicit, uh, photos, uh, sir.

• 1:03:31Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  Um, and I posted them, uh, on, uh, on Instagram and it was, uh, I think, yeah, it was, uh, I don't know, dude, it was some explicit photos and fucking, yeah, dude, it was just fucking craziness, brother. Um.

• 1:03:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait, what were the photos, Tony?

• 1:03:49Tom Segura?

  But you, you posted photos of you or of her?

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  Uh, no, no, of, of me, of me, 100% of me. Um, I, I had, you know, uh, of, uh, her, uh, her thong in my mouth.

• 1:04:00Tom Segura?

  Oh, you had, oh, so you had her thong in your mouth?

• 1:04:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That makes sense.

• 1:04:03Tom Segura?

  And then why did you choose to take those photos at the library? It's a cool setting, but why?

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  Um,

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  I don't know, it's kinda wild to be honest with you.

• 1:04:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's kinda wild. I mean, you're a worker.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  Oh, 100%, yes, yes, sir. Um, dude, to be honest with you, dude, I, uh, I, I, I don't know, man, like, I was just in the moment.

• 1:04:22Tom Segura?

  In the moment. And so what? Somebody then saw you taking a photo with a thong in your mouth at the public library? And then they go, hey, get out of here.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah, well, because dude, I, dude, I tagged the OnlyFans, dog, because I've been, I've been trying to promote my OnlyFans lately, Tom.

• 1:04:36Tom Segura?

  Let's promote it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  Yes, sir. But, uh, yeah, dude, to be honest, it was really, really weird, uh, photo, but, uh, you know, I was just trying to make promotions on my OnlyFans, you know?

• 1:04:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  What can people see on your OnlyFans?

• 1:04:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, what are they seeing? Let's talk about OnlyFans.

• 1:04:48Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm, I'm loving the OnlyFans, you guys, dude. Like, I'm getting, I'm getting my bills paid 'cause of, you know, 'cause of adult content. We're talking.

• 1:04:56Tom Segura?

  So hold on here. Uh, make that bigger for me, guys, a little bit. Um, so for people who want to, to follow Tony's OnlyFans, it's at Tony Michael Johns 96.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  Yes, ma'am, worker. We got people yelling out here on the dri- driving, Tom, people yelling, worker.

• 1:05:16Tom Segura?

  Worker.

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  100, Tom, I made it 100% because of you guys.

• 1:05:19Tom Segura?

  Well, I'm so happy for you.

• 1:05:21Speaker 01

  He had some, yo, yo, Tom, some, some crazy ladies yelling out the window, worker. Did you hear that?

• 1:05:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, fuck yeah, dude.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  Wow, that's craziness. Yo, this is what I'm saying, dude, like. Dog, I, phew, this is crazy. It's all just craziness and I'm loving every minute of it, brother.

• 1:05:37Tom Segura?

  So, um, can people see explicit content on your OnlyFans?

• 1:05:40Speaker 01

  Oh, 100%. It's all 18 plus. Yes, sir.

• 1:05:43Tom Segura?

  Tight. And is there, is there?

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Yes, sir. 100% all explicit. There are some going pics.

• 1:05:49Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 1:05:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:50Tom Segura?

  Jizz shots. Cool. Are you, have you done any, um, oh, so we'll get to this in a second. First of all, very excited for your OnlyFans. Ladies, gentlemen, sign up and, um, subscribe. You can see some awesome adult content on Tony's OnlyFans. What happened at Planet Fitness? I thought they were a judge free zone. Why did they kick you out?

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. So, um, I, um, I didn't read through the contract, uh, the whole contract when I signed the thing. That is another crazy story out here, Tom. Geez, partner. Um, so dude, I didn't read through the whole paperwork and, uh, and there's no, there's no allowed like photos taken. So I was taking a few, you know, a few shirts, you know, a few, uh, photos in my tank top and, you know, on the massage chair, you know, trying to relax, you know?

• 1:06:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  And, uh, you know, there was a, also a, I was in closed doors to be honest, Tom. Uh, I, I took a little, uh, OnlyFans, uh, video in the, uh, one of the, uh, red light therapy, uh, rooms there and, uh, oh, so they, uh, they took it offensive and they said, hey,

• 1:07:01Tom Segura?

  Get out of here.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  We don't want your business no more. I said, no problem.

• 1:07:04Tom Segura?

  It's like, I thought you were a judge free zone kind of thing though, too.

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  I was all confused. Dude, I even did a live, Tom. I was like, I went in there because I was all shocked. I was like, whoa, what's going on here, guys? You know, like judge free zone. You know what I'm saying? Like, why am I getting judged for doing, uh, you know, uh, you know, making films in the, in the, in the tanning rooms, you know?

• 1:07:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, but Tony, do you have somewhere private you can make these films? That, that you, just somewhere private?

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  See, that's another thing too. See my landlord.

• 1:07:36Tom Segura?

  Oh Scott.

• 1:07:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, him and uh James Chap, well, these guys are nuts.

• 1:07:41Tom Segura?

  Fucking slum lords.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  A hundred percent fucking total slum. Can I swear right now, Tom?

• 1:07:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, for sure, a hundred percent.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  Dog, holy fuck, these guys are slums. So, yeah, these guys fucking hate me because I'm doing some adult content up in my room.

• 1:07:56Tom Segura?

  So where's you, where do you stand with them? Are you not paying rent?

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, hell no. I'm not, so, no, no, I'm not a walking ATM. Tom, like, yo, hear me out. So I, I paid rent. I paid rent.

• 1:08:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  The whole time I've lived there. And, and, and both of these, both of these crazy slum lords spazzed out on me a few weeks ago. Totally spazzed out. I got it all on film. It's all on Instagram. Check it out. It's, these guys are fucking scumbags. So, yo, Tom, fucking.

• 1:08:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, still here.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  Dude, and I've been all spooked up, all shaken up and shit lately, and they just spazzed out.

• 1:08:34Tom Segura?

  Where does it stand? Where does it?

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  We don't, we don't, we don't, we don't promote OnlyFans here. I said, hey, fuck you, motherfuckers.

• 1:08:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  You know, I, I, I love, no, hear me out. I love doing, I love doing adult content. You know, I love showing off for the ladies.

• 1:08:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  You know, I'm, I'm a worker.

• 1:08:49Tom Segura?

  Performer.

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  A hundred percent.

• 1:08:52Tom Segura?

  So where does it stand with them? Are you, because I saw you, you put a, uh, looked like a, a petition, a court, a court, um, you know, filing online. Uh, are you, are you take, are you guys gonna be going to court, the two of you?

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, a hundred percent. I got a jailhouse lawyer. Uh, oh, yeah, a hundred percent, Tom. And, you know, I'm, I'm squatting right now. I'll be honest with you, man. You know, I try to be as honest as I can. Yo, Tom, can I tell you another crazy story, bro?

• 1:09:17Tom Segura?

  Please.

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  Dude, so when I got back from Texas, dog, fucking everything's just been so wild and crazy because it's a small town, you know, there's like twenty-eight thousand people in Auburn, maybe thirty. I think it's like twenty. But, uh, fucking, uh.

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  Crazy fucking thing ever dude. I was hopping on the bus dude, cuz I usually take the bus, I usually go for walks.

• 1:09:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  And the girl, you know, there was a, my, uh, uh, you know that blonde girl I was telling you about, uh, several months ago dude, a coworker at Lowe's?

• 1:09:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  Dog dude, I love that girl so fucking much, Tom, to a point where dude, I would have done anything for this chick. And dog, fucking dude, I saw her on the bus, man. Um, and dude, I haven't seen this chick since fucking, um, since, uh, uh, Christmas, dog. That was my Christmas present. I, I got, you know, I got lucky. But anyways. Dude, I haven't seen this chick since fucking Christmas, dog, and she was on the bus. You wouldn't believe what happened, partner. I hop on the bus, I'm like, oh, well, there she is. Dude, she threatened to spray my ass.

• 1:10:22Tom Segura?

  On the bus?

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  Oh. Yes, sir. I, I couldn't believe it. I said, whoa, what's going on, babe? She said, oh, fuck no, I ain't your babe, partner. Oh, dude, it was nuts, dog. She threatened, threatened to spray me. Took out the can of mace and everything, dog.

• 1:10:35Tom Segura?

  Whoa, what the fuck, man?

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  Dude, I'm like, what the fuck's going on? Like, I really fucking liked her, dude. I'm like, what the fuck?

• 1:10:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, Tony.

• 1:10:42Speaker 01

  So I been.

• 1:10:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sweetie, do you, do you have a bank account that you can link the OnlyFans to? Are you getting paid?

• 1:10:49Speaker 01

  Yes, ma'am. I do on the, uh, the, yes, ma'am.

• 1:10:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay, so you're getting your money from OnlyFans. Um, that's good.

• 1:10:56Tom Segura?

  That's good.

• 1:10:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep doing that. And then can you find a new place to live?

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I just, uh, I'm on a, looking on Craigslist and, uh, and other places right now, but right now I. I don't know, it's up in the air. It may be a week and maybe a month. I, uh, I don't know, I'm just kinda trying to figure it out, you know?

• 1:11:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Tom Segura?

  Let me ask you this. I noticed that you posted screenshots from Zoom tan. Um, and they had said in their, in the screenshots, that you had left the tanning room you were in, in an unsanitary condition. What are they exactly, what, what did you do in there?

• 1:11:34Speaker 01

  Um, so I, I like my lotion, Tom.

• 1:11:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  And I mean, it, it, it might've looked bad for the, for the, for the worker, the lady worker's perspective.

• 1:11:44Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  But I, I don't know, dude, I was in a rush, Tom, uh, to catch the bus to go back home. And, uh, I don't know, dude, I, there was quite a bit of lotion all over my body, man, and I.

• 1:11:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  You know, so I did make a mistake there. I did kinda trash the room before I left.

• 1:12:00Tom Segura?

  That's not good, yeah. Now.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  And I, you know, and I, yeah.

• 1:12:03Tom Segura?

  Are you on good terms with them now? Did you go down there and work it out?

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, yes. So what I did is I actually went down there and I actually did apologize, Tom.

• 1:12:10Tom Segura?

  Good, good, good.

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  You know, and I, I, I'm, I'm a sincere dude. I said, hey, I made a mistake. Yes, ma'am. You know, it was, it was one of the lady workers. I'm very respectful towards women. I said, hey, you know, I made a mistake.

• 1:12:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:22Speaker 01

  You know, and I, I asked them nicely, can I get my membership back? They said, no, but we, you know, we appreciate, you know, we appreciate your honesty, you know, and just saying sorry. So that's what I did.

• 1:12:32Tom Segura?

  Um, I also noticed, cause you, it was very compelling to watch, that you went to a few car dealerships to try to get hired to sell cars. Um.

• 1:12:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:42Tom Segura?

  Did any of them kinda make an offer?

• 1:12:46Speaker 01

  Uh, no, no, no. I, I wish, man. I, I don't, uh, have a license yet, Tom, so I. Ah, man, I would love to get back in, in the selling car industry, uh, cause I am a really good salesman. I think I would, you know.

• 1:13:00Tom Segura?

  I believe it, yeah. You're a worker.

• 1:13:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  I bet you would be a really good car salesman. You love people. You love talking to people.

• 1:13:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a great gig.

• 1:13:07Speaker 01

  Meet new customers?

• 1:13:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. How, how you been, Christina?

• 1:13:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm good, sweetie. I, I'm, I'm just glad to hear how happy you are and I, I like that this.

• 1:13:16Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck, I'm loving all this.

• 1:13:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good. I like that OnlyFans is working out for you. And you, you mentioned on your stories that maybe you would consider doing some videos for, for the guys, cause I, I think guys actually pay quite a lot more than women on OnlyFans.

• 1:13:30Speaker 01

  Yes, ma'am.

• 1:13:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  So tell me about that. What's that?

• 1:13:32Speaker 01

  Um, hey, you know, if, if there, if there's a big performer out there that's willing to, to, you know, uh, you know, put me out, you know, I'd, I'd, I'd love to, you know, like, straight up, like, blow my, blow my back out. You know, I mean, if the money's good, hey, I'm I'm gay for pay. A hole's a hole, partner.

• 1:13:49Tom Segura?

  That's that's awesome. I think what you should do.

• 1:13:52Speaker 01

  But it's right, you know, I I need some cash and a hole's a hole.

• 1:13:55Tom Segura?

  That's right. I think what you should do, because, you know, we've been in touch with Alexis, and we're working on getting this scene going with her as your debut. You're still down to do that, right?

• 1:14:06Speaker 01

  Oh, 100%. I'm ready. Let's go.

• 1:14:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so that's gonna happen, uh, pretty soon. I think what you should do is debut with Alexis, and then maybe have your next scene be with a male star. And we actually know one, uh, we know one.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  Oh, nice. Fuck, yeah. No, for real, Tom, like, let's go. Let's do this.

• 1:14:22Tom Segura?

  I think we should, um, reach out to him.

• 1:14:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so. Yeah.

• 1:14:25Tom Segura?

  Cause that would be a great back-to-back debut.

• 1:14:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, cause I think this is actually your lane. I I think you may have found your talent, Tony.

• 1:14:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:33Speaker 01

  Yes, no, I'm.

• 1:14:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep going, keep going.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  Yes, ma'am.

• 1:14:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  But try to find somewhere more private, maybe. I don't want you to end up in jail, okay?

• 1:14:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, don't get kicked out of another place. Film, film, film in in your place for now, or a place that allows that kind of thing. But like, libraries and stores and stuff, it's just like, it's just asking for problems. Yeah, I don't want you to get in trouble, man.

• 1:14:54Speaker 01

  Yes, sir.

• 1:14:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  Thanks, Tom. I really appreciate you guys always looking out for me.

• 1:14:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Trying.

• 1:14:59Tom Segura?

  So let's, yeah, let's keep, um, uh, the guys are gonna reach out to you because I think we're gonna have a schedule for you to go see Alexis here pretty soon. And, um, hopefully after that, you know, we'll do our next, your next scene.

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  Are you serious?

• 1:15:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

• 1:15:14Speaker 01

  Oh, dude, fuck, man. Yo, dude.

• 1:15:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and we'll fly you out there. We're gonna fly you out to Vegas to do it.

• 1:15:20Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, Tom, I love you guys, bro.

• 1:15:22Tom Segura?

  So hopefully.

• 1:15:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he's gonna stay in Vegas.

• 1:15:25Tom Segura?

  Vegas might be the where you love to live.

• 1:15:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he might like Vegas a lot, Tony.

• 1:15:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think maybe you should pack all your shit for the Vegas trip.

• 1:15:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I think you should, dude.

• 1:15:32Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 1:15:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, move out there.

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  Fuck it, let's go. I'll grab fucking a couple's, uh, suitcases and fucking, fuck it, let's go.

• 1:15:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think you should.

• 1:15:40Speaker 01

  Yes, ma'am.

• 1:15:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:41Tom Segura?

  I think it's time to, I think it's time to leave Auburn.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  Man, like, straight up, Tom, like, this is amazing, Christina.

• 1:15:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like life changing what you guys have done for me. Listen, it's time to leave Auburn. I think you're right. It's time to change and, and level up. You're ready. Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm a worker. You're a worker now, dude.

• 1:15:57Tom Segura?

  Um.

• 1:15:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, ma'am. Yes, yes, ma'am. Vegas is a very judgment free zone.

• 1:16:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's like the city of Vegas is like a Planet Fitness, you know?

• 1:16:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's amazing.

• 1:16:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta go. That, that's where you gotta be. Okay. Yeah.

• 1:16:09Tom Segura?

  Um, guys can, uh, Zolo, can you guys get him a schedule soon here so we can kind of lay this out? Okay, cool. All right, um, Tony, thanks for the follow up. Stay out of trouble. Don't get arrested.

• 1:16:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Don't get arrested.

• 1:16:24Tom Segura?

  And, you know, just.

• 1:16:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I won't.

• 1:16:26Tom Segura?

  Keep, keep the.

• 1:16:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, I will stay out of trouble and I will not get arrested. I thank you for everything. You guys, Tom, Christina, like this really has been life changing. Cougar, Josh, I love you all, man. I'll suck all your toes. There you go. There you go. That's a spirit.

• 1:16:40Tom Segura?

  Don't forget any. He's big on that.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  No, no, no, I'm good. He don't know me. All right.

• 1:16:46Tom Segura?

  All right, Tony. We'll talk to you soon, man.

• 1:16:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Take care of yourself. You guys. Okay. Bye, sweetie. Wow. Why tell you if we aren't making dreams come true?

• 1:16:55Tom Segura?

  That's just unreal. You guys ready to get your toes sucked?

• 1:16:59Speaker 01

  That's a new thing. I haven't heard that before.

• 1:17:01Speaker 04

  We're not the offer of money. He's just like, I need to suck your toes now.

• 1:17:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but what a great lane for him. I think sucking on dudes toes, like that's easy money too.

• 1:17:11Tom Segura?

  So much, many people willing to pay for that.

• 1:17:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course there is.

• 1:17:15Tom Segura?

  And I think he's, uh, you know, here's the thing. He's kind of like a savant, secret, uh, smart businessman. He doesn't realize that he is, I think, finding his lane, which is in gay performing.

• 1:17:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:17:28Tom Segura?

  That is where the money is for a male.

• 1:17:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, for a male performer, that's where the money is. And I think sending him to Vegas is gonna change his life.

• 1:17:37Tom Segura?

  Now, we saw a couple of quick screenshots and we don't have to see them again. But Cougar, did you have a chance to review Tony's, um, OnlyFans?

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  Uh, yes, I did.

• 1:17:48Tom Segura?

  Uh, could you, could you give us a review?

• 1:17:50Speaker 01

  Um, well, if you're into, uh, solo work, if you're into, uh, oiled up cocks that are slightly, uh, And uh, and are the perfect size for a performer. Tony's page is the page for you.

• 1:18:04Tom Segura?

  What's, what's your review of his dong? Is it like a nice sized dong?

• 1:18:08Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I'd say so.

• 1:18:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:09Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 1:18:10Tom Segura?

  And he goes to completion?

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  Uh, yes, he does.

• 1:18:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  Cause he's a worker.

• 1:18:15Tom Segura?

  How's that load?

• 1:18:17Tom Segura?

  Good size?

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 1:18:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 1:18:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, I wish Robert Paul Champagne were into skinny white guys.

• 1:18:23Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:18:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wouldn't that be the perfect matching?

• 1:18:26Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:18:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right? I see the look in your eyes. Like, that would have been the best. Do you think Robert would go for Tony John's? He's me, it's fresh meat.

• 1:18:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, the look in your eyes, I saw it.

• 1:18:41Tom Segura?

  I know. You just planted a seed.

• 1:18:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Best idea ever, right?

• 1:18:45Tom Segura?

  Maybe we can get him to do a cameo in the scene?

• 1:18:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why not?

• 1:18:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm very busy right now. I've got a lot of things going on. You know how hard he has to nail down, though? He's so busy. He's got his Coney Island karaoke thing and he's doing Lucifer's Lair. He's always busy.

• 1:19:03Tom Segura?

  What if?

• 1:19:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:05Tom Segura?

  What if?

• 1:19:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, bro.

• 1:19:07Tom Segura?

  I feel like I'm sitting here like as Walt Disney in the 1930s, being like, what if we built a place? Where people could just lose themselves?

• 1:19:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:19:17Tom Segura?

  And have fun all day.

• 1:19:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, essentially, he's doing what Robert Paul Champagne does, too, like.

• 1:19:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  But Robert doesn't do OnlyFans.

• 1:19:25Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:19:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe he should.

• 1:19:27Tom Segura?

  What if Robert makes a cameo in the scene?

• 1:19:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think so. Dude.

• 1:19:33Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:19:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we get on this? Can we reach out? Maybe RPC will.

• 1:19:39Tom Segura?

  He's a, he's always advertised himself as a adult actor.

• 1:19:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:19:45Tom Segura?

  This is insane.

• 1:19:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is insane.

• 1:19:48Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God. Yeah, that was a lot, man.

• 1:19:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was a lot. I really do think that once Tony gets to Vegas, he's gonna see that that's where he's meant to be. Don't you feel like that?

• 1:19:57Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:19:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Auburn, New York is not the right place.

• 1:20:00Tom Segura?

  He's gotta get out of there.

• 1:20:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's too small of a community. He's menacing the community. He needs to go to Vegas where there's a lot of weird shit going on.

• 1:20:07Tom Segura?

  Where he's just like another guy.

• 1:20:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  He just fades into the background.

• 1:20:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah, because

• 1:20:14Tom Segura?

  this idea for the scene.

• 1:20:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:17Tom Segura?

  The Lexus being Officer Alexis and maybe Officer Cum Dump, which is RPC's alter ego.

• 1:20:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, this is a whole new lane, a whole new lane we're doing here.

• 1:20:30Tom Segura?

  I think they're gonna sell a lot of those fucking scenes, man.

• 1:20:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 1:20:35Tom Segura?

  But man, his life has been insane.

• 1:20:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, the kind of the irony with Tony John's is that this whole I'm a ladies man thing and this and that like, he kind of does have the dong for porn.

• 1:20:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, God gave him a talent.

• 1:20:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, go with it, kid.

• 1:20:52Tom Segura?

  Do it.

• 1:20:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sometimes you're just given one thing.

• 1:20:55Tom Segura?

  Can't wait.

• 1:20:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  He is the Dirk Diggler, like.

• 1:20:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking what was.

• 1:20:59Tom Segura?

  When Dan Soder said that.

• 1:21:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dan Soder was like, he's like Dirk Diggler. I'm like, I think he might be.

• 1:21:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you don't get it all in this life.

• 1:21:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't get it all, but when you get it, boy, you got one thing.

• 1:21:08Tom Segura?

  You gotta use what you got.

• 1:21:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, there he is, dude. Tony.

• 1:21:12Tom Segura?

  That, I mean, he kind of is Dirk Diggler.

• 1:21:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  He is.

• 1:21:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wild, dude.

• 1:21:19Tom Segura?

  Um, okay. Just real quick before, let's just, we kind of got to cleanse the palate.

• 1:21:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm like blown away. Are you blown away?

• 1:21:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this whole thing is just, it's unbelievable. This story is one of the, it's the greatest storyline of all time.

• 1:21:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is the greatest. I can't believe we're in Tony John's life now.

• 1:21:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing.

• 1:21:37Tom Segura?

  Here you go.

• 1:21:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:21:43Tom Segura?

  Doing donuts. Oh, do you see it?

• 1:21:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 1:21:47Tom Segura?

  Slow mo.

• 1:21:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:21:49Tom Segura?

  The guy drifting hits a cone. Watch the cone. The cone.

• 1:21:54Tom Segura?

  Just knocks that guy out.

• 1:21:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's bad luck.

• 1:21:57Tom Segura?

  Here's full speed.

• 1:21:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's bad luck.

• 1:22:04Tom Segura?

  That cone hits him.

• 1:22:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  So hard.

• 1:22:07Tom Segura?

  So hard. So fast.

• 1:22:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's such bad luck.

• 1:22:10Tom Segura?

  I don't think that was funny, guys.

• 1:22:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he's just trying to watch some fucking guy do some shit.

• 1:22:16Tom Segura?

  Push ups.

• 1:22:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Saw that one, God, yeah. That was just stupid. That was stupid.

• 1:22:23Tom Segura?

  Dudes, dudes will do anything to impress.

• 1:22:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was fucking dumb.

• 1:22:29Tom Segura?

  Push ups over cinder blocks on a bottle with.

• 1:22:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Broken plates. Oh, plastic plates.

• 1:22:36Tom Segura?

  Or whatever.

• 1:22:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  You guys really put some cool music to it.

• 1:22:41Tom Segura?

  That was really cool.

• 1:22:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was terrible.

• 1:22:43Speaker 01

  You got it?

• 1:22:45Tom Segura?

  Uh.

• 1:22:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cougar liked it.

• 1:22:51Tom Segura?

  That guy's fucked.

• 1:22:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course. I don't like that.

• 1:22:55Tom Segura?

  That was, that guy is-

• 1:22:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got it? No, thanks.

• 1:22:57Tom Segura?

  Fucked.

• 1:22:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dude, what?

• 1:23:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Some of that handlebars? That, oh, I don't like that at all, dude.

• 1:23:07Tom Segura?

  You got it? You don't? Ah, man, okay.

• 1:23:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was terrible.

• 1:23:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm just...

• 1:23:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You got excited about RPC and Tony Johns?

• 1:23:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's really exciting.

• 1:23:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I saw, I saw the creative wheels turning when I said it. You, your eyes lit up in a way.

• 1:23:23Tom Segura?

  Well, I mean, I'm just... Just thinking of the possibilities.

• 1:23:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know.

• 1:23:28Tom Segura?

  It's fifteen years of work.

• 1:23:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:23:32Tom Segura?

  And I think this is like... This is how you retire this show.

• 1:23:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, there's nothing else we can do.

• 1:23:38Tom Segura?

  Last thing we do.

• 1:23:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, the only other thing I would say is Norm Summerton, Tick Cups, he's...

• 1:23:42Tom Segura?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:23:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's two, there's two cool guys that got away.

• 1:23:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  King Ass Ripper.

• 1:23:48Tom Segura?

  King Ass Ripper, yeah.

• 1:23:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Never wanted to do the show. We reached out to him for years and years and years.

• 1:23:53Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 1:23:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And Norm Summerton. Those are the only two cool guys that got away on this, from the show. I need to be fucked alive. But RPC!

• 1:24:01Tom Segura?

  Now, here's the thing. Tony Johns said he would get his back blown out, meaning he would be on the receiving end. RPC likes to be on the receiving end. I wonder if we could get Tony

• 1:24:18Tom Segura?

  to make sweet love to RPC.

• 1:24:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:24:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 1:24:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 1:24:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa, hold on. Come check it out.

• 1:24:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, a cool- It's a wild, it's a wild, it's a king. I don't know, dude.

• 1:24:27Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:24:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't think that Tony's his type. That's the only problem.

• 1:24:30Tom Segura?

  Well, yeah.

• 1:24:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Aw, get off!

• 1:24:33Tom Segura?

  Well, it's, it's pay. He's like, I'll do things for money.

• 1:24:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think the two of them would J their Ds.

• 1:24:40Tom Segura?

  To each other?

• 1:24:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Together.

• 1:24:41Tom Segura?

  Just fi- look at each other?

• 1:24:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause they love to do that on camera anyway.

• 1:24:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. Deal, man. Well, here's the deal. We need to get through this Alexis shoot first. I think we're getting a little too far ahead of ourselves.

• 1:24:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know. It's just exciting when inspiration strikes.

• 1:24:57Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:24:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  God dang, dude.

• 1:25:00Tom Segura?

  This is the last thing we'll do.

• 1:25:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:25:01Tom Segura?

  I have not been able to finish this video. Because it makes me so uncomfortable.

• 1:25:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:25:08Tom Segura?

  So like, you understand that like, a few times, I've been alone, just with my phone.

• 1:25:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:14Tom Segura?

  Tried to watch this and turned it off.

• 1:25:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:25:17Tom Segura?

  So I'm making myself finish it with you guys today. This is a lady giving,

• 1:25:24Tom Segura?

  a speech at her friend's wedding.

• 1:25:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay. Fuck, and if you don't like it, I'm not gonna like it either. Like, if you can't watch it, there's no way I can watch it.

• 1:25:34Tom Segura?

  It's just so, it feels so, it's like, your inner...

• 1:25:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it too emotional?

• 1:25:39Tom Segura?

  It's just embarrassing.

• 1:25:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate emotional shit.

• 1:25:46Speaker 01

  Hi, I'm Shannon. I've known Tracy for... Oh, God. I think so.

• 1:25:54Tom Segura?

  Just to stop this for a second, if you're listening, the, she's at a wedding of her friend Shannon. Shannon, just for reference, is white. And she's marrying a black guy. So they're, they're showing their image, just so you know the context of this. And then the lady giving the speech is also white.

• 1:26:13Speaker 01

  So sort of the more sort, 233. So I don't quite know Anthony that well. But Tracy talked about you like, non-soul. Seriously. And she'll be like, I mean, you did that. I'm like, I don't care. No, just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. You guys are so cute together.

• 1:26:36Speaker 01

  I swear on you guys, I hope, the loneliness, seriously, like, tell death to us, Art, Anthony, seriously. You better take care of my girl. Because if you don't, I know where you live.

• 1:26:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate when people do that.

• 1:26:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  They do that every wedding.

• 1:26:51Tom Segura?

  So, so far, you're just like, yeah, it's just a fucking, a basic bitch speech?

• 1:26:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:58Speaker 01

  Just kidding.

• 1:27:02Speaker 01

  But yeah, you guys are so cute. Like, you're a part of the family. Yes. Oh my god, like, I'm not gonna be racist, you guys. I'm just saying, okay?

• 1:27:14Speaker 01

  I'm not racist, okay? No, just kidding, just kidding, just kidding. Of course, you guys are gonna get the like interracial cards.

• 1:27:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 1:27:23Speaker 01

  No, seriously. You guys are out stepping the stereotype. I love it.

• 1:27:30Speaker 01

  Because I swear, I love black people. Because you guys are the boots, like...

• 1:27:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  She didn't have to say it. Like, she could've just sought it and like not said it.

• 1:27:45Tom Segura?

  I'm not gonna say it. You're black.

• 1:27:50Tom Segura?

  And it's cool. I know, I'm just kidding.

• 1:27:54Tom Segura?

  It's, you guys are like, I'm not gonna be racist, but like it's fine that you're...

• 1:28:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:04Tom Segura?

  Like, every time this thing starts, I'd like, oh my god, I can't finish this.

• 1:28:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it's terrible, yeah. She didn't have to talk.

• 1:28:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't have to talk.

• 1:28:12Tom Segura?

  She's clearly nervous. She doesn't know what to say. And she's like, god, I can't not address the fact that he's black.

• 1:28:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but you can, it's 2025. Like, no one cares. This isn't 1960.

• 1:28:25Tom Segura?

  It's so weird, it's so weird.

• 1:28:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Where the fuck do these people live that it's a big deal?

• 1:28:30Tom Segura?

  I don't know. Well, I love that you hear the commentary of the person filming who's like, oh my god, what? Like, she's pointing it out.

• 1:28:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's horrible.

• 1:28:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's horrible. Remember that one wedding you and I went to where the dad gave kind of a backhanded speech?

• 1:28:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's like, we didn't think much of him when we met him.

• 1:28:49Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 1:28:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we were like, um...

• 1:28:51Tom Segura?

  That was so weird.

• 1:28:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, so this is...

• 1:28:54Tom Segura?

  And that guy was South Pacific, right? Like, he was like Samoan or something?

• 1:28:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:59Tom Segura?

  And, yeah, the guy was like, I met him and I was like, I don't know the fuck. This guy looks different.

• 1:29:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, totally. We were like, what the fuck?

• 1:29:08Tom Segura?

  What are you doing, man?

• 1:29:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just don't think, I don't even know why people have to give speeches at weddings, honestly.

• 1:29:13Tom Segura?

  It's the worst.

• 1:29:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  What the fuck do you need to say?

• 1:29:15Tom Segura?

  I hate giving speeches.

• 1:29:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate giving speeches at things like this. Maybe the father of the bride or the parents say something, but like your dumb, dumb friend has to get up drunk.

• 1:29:24Tom Segura?

  It's the worst.

• 1:29:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  And not only that, you know how, um, like, they're not used to giving speeches. So they're very banal and boring and basic bitchy.

• 1:29:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God, when Stacy and I met in college, I was like, Stacy, you're such a whore. We're never gonna get married. Like, they're always the same formula.

• 1:29:41Tom Segura?

  Cause they're just not.

• 1:29:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Take care of my girl.

• 1:29:43Tom Segura?

  Equipped to do it.

• 1:29:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not interesting. I mean, and you can see that there's black people in the room.

• 1:29:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like, what are you doing?

• 1:29:50Tom Segura?

  I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna be racist. Like, well, thanks. We didn't think you were.

• 1:29:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Then don't come to the wedding.

• 1:29:55Tom Segura?

  Supposed to. She's like, I know this is a great opportunity to be racist, but I'm not going to for the sake of the setting.

• 1:30:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. And if she didn't approve of the groomed, then why are you, don't go to the wedding? Don't be a part of the wedding party or whatever.

• 1:30:09Tom Segura?

  It's insane. It's a totally insane thing.

• 1:30:13Speaker 01

  You guys are the best. Like, my own daughter's grand aunt is like the best one. And you guys are amazing.

• 1:30:25Tom Segura?

  To the black people. You guys are amazing.

• 1:30:27Speaker 01

  You guys. Bless you.

• 1:30:31Tom Segura?

  Okay, so that is her speech.

• 1:30:35Tom Segura?

  And that can be.

• 1:30:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  She doesn't know black people.

• 1:30:38Tom Segura?

  Are the comments cool? Cause there's 9,000 of them.

• 1:30:43Tom Segura?

  I physically can't watch. Yeah, see, I felt embarrassment, embarrassment just watching. I'm hide, hiding in the comments. Yeah, this is how I felt. I just got so goddamn uncomfortable.

• 1:30:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:54Tom Segura?

  Um, the clapping to let her know you're finished.

• 1:30:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:58Tom Segura?

  The mic would have been gone. Yeah. Imagine, imagine having to live with the memory of doing, yeah, it's just, the whole thing is just.

• 1:31:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, not everybody has to talk.

• 1:31:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, the secondhand embarrassment is just.

• 1:31:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's pretty gnarly, dude.

• 1:31:14Tom Segura?

  It's gnarly. It's gnarly.

• 1:31:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's, but what's really gnarly is that this could have just been a memory without a video.

• 1:31:19Tom Segura?

  Also, is that, I mean, I'm not an expert in this. Is that a good wedding attire she's wearing?

• 1:31:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I was just gonna say that she's dressed like a whore for the wedding. To me, can I tell you what the subconsciously tells me is that she doesn't, she doesn't want to be a part of it. She doesn't like the guy.

• 1:31:34Tom Segura?

  That's the subconscious thing, right?

• 1:31:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because she's not, she's dressed kind of slutty.

• 1:31:38Tom Segura?

  It means also, every time she's talked about Shannon to somebody else, she'd be like, you know that she's with a black guy, right?

• 1:31:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:45Tom Segura?

  And she's like, you know how fucking crazy that is, right? And then the other person goes like,

• 1:31:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's not a big deal.

• 1:31:52Tom Segura?

  I don't know. And then she's like, I mean, no, I don't have a problem with it.

• 1:31:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:55Tom Segura?

  I don't have a problem. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, like, do you know he's black? And they're like, yeah, I didn't know.

• 1:32:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, her dress is so short.

• 1:32:04Tom Segura?

  She's gonna fucking marry this guy.

• 1:32:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's too low cut and it's too short. It's like, she wants,

• 1:32:10Tom Segura?

  She looks like she's going out, like for a night out.

• 1:32:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  She wants the attention. Yeah, she's, she's all over the map. This chick's messed up.

• 1:32:17Tom Segura?

  Here's something I've been holding on to for a while. I guess I'm just gonna let it out here at the wedding. It is crazy that Anthony is black and, no, I'm not gonna be racist. I'm just saying, it is fucking, it's kind of crazy. Okay, well, you guys are awesome couple. It's like, what the fuck?

• 1:32:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  But then it's, I like black people, my,

• 1:32:37Tom Segura?

  You guys are amazing. I love your videos. I love your songs. Um, I love, uh, Dave Chappelle. Anyway, so Obama was cool. Guys, have a great life together. I'm sure I'll see you guys down the road. Um, I love the way you guys dance. It's fucking amazing.

• 1:32:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  My great, my nephew's great aunt is black.

• 1:33:00Tom Segura?

  Is black. She's nice. You guys always have so much fucking flair. Your style. Like, look at her hair. I wish I could do that with my hair. Anyway.

• 1:33:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's making me uncomfortable already.

• 1:33:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's the, it's so, yeah, it was like she couldn't hold on to her inner, like her repressed inner thoughts had to come out.

• 1:33:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or, okay, or if you're gonna do it, just make one funny joke and be done. One comment, but not even like, actually has to be genuinely funny, which is kind of hard to do in today's day and age, like we've all heard.

• 1:33:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  The interracial couple jokes. I'm trying, you know what I mean? What are you gonna say?

• 1:33:36Tom Segura?

  Well, here's the thing. She'll have to live with this for the rest of her life.

• 1:33:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah. She's fucked.

• 1:33:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah, this went viral.

• 1:33:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stacy's fucked.

• 1:33:41Tom Segura?

  All right. I think that's, um, I'm just so emotional still about the Tony Johns of it all.

• 1:33:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know you are, babe.

• 1:33:49Tom Segura?

  I don't know what to do.

• 1:33:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, hey, buy my lipstick, guys. ChristinaP.com. You can get the perfect four, all four of my new shades. ChristinaP.com. Check it out. Try it out. Get them all. They're fantastic. I'm wearing the perfect red right now today.

• 1:34:03Tom Segura?

  And let me tell you this.

• 1:34:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let me tell you this.

• 1:34:05Tom Segura?

  Can you kick?

• 1:34:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I talk to you, say my ass?

• 1:34:09Tom Segura?

  We released some new dates. So they are on sale. Pre-sales today. If you're, if you're watching the show, if you're listening, code word is Tommy. The on-sale is Friday, the 4th. We are hitting Greenville, Evans, Windsor, Dayton, Akron, Daytona Beach, West Palm Beach, Clearwater, Fort Myers, Allentown, Poughkeepsie, uh, Mashin Tucket, Newark, Brooklyn, Westbury, Hanover, Gary, West Lafayette, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, Emilio, Lubbock, El Paso, Tucson, Colorado Springs, Green Bay, Pasadena, Las Vegas, Long Beach, uh, Frehunt, Tacoma, Oakland,

• 1:34:50Tom Segura?

  Huntsville, Birmingham, Columbia, and there is one or two more secret, huge ones coming up that we will announce soon. All the tickets are at tomsgar.com/tour. And I always try to tell people, do not go to third-party sites. For any artist you want to see live, go to their website. Do not pay the scalpers. Just buy it for the reasonable price on the artist's site. Okay, that's it. Thank you, guys, for watching. Thank you for listening. I cannot wait to see how this unfolds. And we will see you, guys, next week.

• 1:35:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  My jeans.

• 1:35:34Tom Segura?

  My jeans.

• 1:35:37Tom Segura?

  Fart Simpson. And Grass Kingdom.

• 1:35:44Speaker 01

  D U Y, my daughter D U Y, baby. My daughter D U Y, baby. The D U Y, baby. D D D U Y, my daughter D U Y, baby. Tony John, Tony John, Tony John, Tony John. I'm gonna be havin' girls the whole weekend. They're gonna be squirrelin', they're gonna be squirrelin'.

• 1:36:12Speaker 01

  Squirrelin', squirrelin', squirrelin', baby. These skinny hoes are just fuckin' away, away, away. Come on, fuckin' in the ass, motherfuckin' home. You want fuckin' in the ass? You want fuckin' in the... You know what, baby? He don't deserve this, young bug. He don't deserve this, baby. I want you to show me a good motherfuckin' time, Tony.

• 1:36:43Speaker 01

  You know what I'm sayin'? My eyes are a little bit, my teeth are white, baby. Everybody, it's a beautiful day, baby. Everybody, let's go. My daughter D U Y, baby. The D U Y, baby. D D D U Y, my daughter D U Y, baby. My daughter D U Y, baby. The D U Y, baby. D U Y. On to the next girl, come on.

• 1:37:48Speaker 01

  Adios, baby.