MFM Minisode 501

This week’s hometowns include a report from the real Transylvania University and a teen forgery scam. For our sources, please visit https://www.myfavoritemurder.com/episodes. Support this podcast by shopping our latest sponsor deals and promotions at this link: https://bit.ly/3UFCn1g. Head to social media to share your favorite moments from this episode. Instagram: instagram.com/myfavoritemurder http://instagram.com/myfavoritemurder Facebook: facebook.com/myfavoritemurder http://facebook.com/myfavoritemurder TikTok: tiktok.com/@my_favorite_murder http://tiktok.com/@my_favorite_murder Send your hometown stories to [email protected] mailto:[email protected]. Join the Fan Cult to access ad-free episodes of My Favorite Murder. Members also receive merch store discounts, exclusive audio and video content and more! Visit www.fancult.supercast.com http://www.fancult.supercast.com/ to join. Shop for My Favorite Murder and other Exactly Right merchandise here: www.exactlyrightstore.com https://www.exactlyrightstore.com. Rate, review and follow My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you like to listen. See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is exactly right.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  911, what's your emergency?

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Please help us. They're everywhere. We think they're murder hornets. 911 Nashville returns.

• 0:17Speaker 02

  It's a homicide detective down here.

• 0:19Speaker 03

  Three bodies on the ground.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  With emergencies of biblical proportions.

• 0:23Speaker 03

  Hell, since swarms upon you and upon your people.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  That's one of the plagues of the Bible.

• 0:27Speaker 03

  And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Brian Phillippe, 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 0:37Speaker 00

  Whether you're buying, renting, or selling, Zillow can help make your someday today. To help find a home that fits where you are in life, or that apartment that's a little closer to where you want to be. Zillow has the right information, tools, and support to help turn your future home into a reality. Because someday starts today. Visit zillow.com/today to get started.

• 1:02Speaker 04

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• 1:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Hello.

• 1:50Karen Kilgariff?

  And welcome.

• 1:50Georgia Hardstark?

  To my favorite murder.

• 1:51Karen Kilgariff?

  The minisode.

• 1:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Let's do it.

• 1:54Karen Kilgariff?

  Let's read emails from the world.

• 1:57Georgia Hardstark?

  You go first.

• 1:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay. This email is a response email to a thing I said one time. We love those ones. And the subject line of this email is, "The real Transylvania University has a professor buried in the administration building."

• 2:13Georgia Hardstark?

  What? That's from the Kentucky Meat Shower, right?

• 2:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, I believe so. I think they say it here. It starts, "Hello lovely ladies. I've been listening since well before COVID." And then a parentheses, it says, "Not quite day one, but close enough to feel like we're friends."

• 2:31Georgia Hardstark?

  That's nice. I like it.

• 2:32Karen Kilgariff?

  We're COVID friends. "I thought about writing in so many times, then I heard episode 539, It Keeps Getting Ruined, and Karen asked if Transylvania University was actually real. That's my alma mater, so naturally I had to shoot my shot. Transylvania University is a real, tiny liberal arts school in Lexington, Kentucky, with only about 1,100 students."

• 2:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 2:56Karen Kilgariff?

  "It was founded in 1780, making it the first university west of the Appalachians."

• 3:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 3:02Karen Kilgariff?

  "And despite what every person I've ever met immediately asks, no, Dracula did not attend."

• 3:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Why is it called that?

• 3:09Karen Kilgariff?

  Hold on.

• 3:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 3:10Karen Kilgariff?

  The name comes from the Latin...

• 3:13Karen Kilgariff?

  The name comes from the Latin "trans silvam", meaning "across the woods."

• 3:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 3:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Trans silvam. When the school was founded, Kentucky was basically one giant forest. Nothing creepy in those woods.

• 3:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Nope, everything is non-cryptoid.

• 3:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Camp away.

• 3:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Let's keep going.

• 3:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Now, for the fun part. "Every student quickly learns about Constantine Samuel Raffinesque, an absolutely brilliant naturalist, botanist, and by all accounts, an eccentric menace."

• 3:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes.

• 3:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Right?

• 3:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Love them.

• 3:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Legend says that he was so angry after leaving the university that he cursed the school. That's my energy entirely.

• 3:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Hell, yeah.

• 3:51Karen Kilgariff?

  "Naturally, instead of just letting go, alumni decided, decades later, the best solution was to dig him up and bring him back to campus."

• 3:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh.

• 3:59Karen Kilgariff?

  This is shades of Widows Bay.

• 4:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 4:01Karen Kilgariff?

  "Today, he's entombed inside Old Morrison, our main administration building."

• 4:06Georgia Hardstark?

  That's like, yeah, he got bit by that animal and then he became that animal.

• 4:09Karen Kilgariff?

  He became the animal. Every relationship I've ever had. Except, there's a very real possibility they dug up the wrong person.

• 4:16Georgia Hardstark?

  What?

• 4:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Shit, I should have kept reading.

• 4:19Georgia Hardstark?

  This keeps getting better.

• 4:20Karen Kilgariff?

  "No one's entirely sure the remains in the tomb are actually Raffinesque's, which somehow makes the whole story even better." Very true. "We embrace the weird. Every October, there's Raff Week. Students can enter a raffle to spend Halloween night sleeping in the tomb."

• 4:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God.

• 4:37Karen Kilgariff?

  "Our campus cafe is called the Raffkiller, and our mascot is Raffinesque's big-eared bat."

• 4:43Georgia Hardstark?

  They just like double down on saying fuck you to him.

• 4:46Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 4:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Like triple down.

• 4:48Karen Kilgariff?

  They're like, "We'll move your body wherever we want."

• 4:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 4:51Karen Kilgariff?

  "We're gonna theme you out like Mickey Mouse."

• 4:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Everything after you.

• 4:55Karen Kilgariff?

  Get ready. "If cursed professors aren't enough, the campus is also forever connected to the tragic 1961 murder of student Betty Gail Brown. She was killed after leaving a late-night study session, and despite decades of investigation, it's still one of Kentucky's most infamous unsolved murders."

• 5:12Georgia Hardstark?

  My God.

• 5:13Karen Kilgariff?

  "Walking past Old Morrison at night definitely hits a little differently once you know the history." Oh, and because apparently the universe decided one bizarre story wasn't enough for our little school, our library became the site of the infamous 2004 rare book heist. Remember, I did this.

• 5:29Georgia Hardstark?

  You did?

• 5:30Karen Kilgariff?

  "The rare book heist that inspired the movie American Animals." Wait, will you check if I did it? I'm looking right now. I could have just seen that movie.

• 5:39Georgia Hardstark?

  You should do it. Like, write it down to do it.

• 5:41Karen Kilgariff?

  I think I did because it was... Remember, it was like the boys that kept going in to ask to look at the books that were behind the glass?

• 5:48Georgia Hardstark?

  I'm gonna say yes, and then Molly's gonna say, "You didn't cover it," and I'm gonna look the stupidest.

• 5:52Karen Kilgariff?

  And then... That's right. That's how I do it. Is that I put my ass out there, but yours is the one in the sling.

• 5:58Georgia Hardstark?

  That's right.

• 5:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Yours is the one in the jackpot. Okay. Karen, I'm not seeing that you covered it, but I'm gonna keep checking. How dare you accuse me?

• 6:06Georgia Hardstark?

  I knew that. I shouldn't say that I knew what you were talking about, is what I'm saying.

• 6:09Karen Kilgariff?

  Can someone call Steven? We're texting him now.

• 6:14Georgia Hardstark?

  No, leave poor Steven alone.

• 6:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Don't think we won't. The idea that this show has been going on so long that the memory is reality, what we've watched, what we've seen, what we've talked about casually...

• 6:27Georgia Hardstark?

  500-something episodes. Almost have 550 episodes. We're not gonna remember anything.

• 6:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, and also, we remember everything. So it's like, it's all... The old book heist. But you know what? Now I realize, I watched the movie.

• 6:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Was it good?

• 6:43Karen Kilgariff?

  I think I watched it on a plane. It was good. Well, it's just crazy because they... You know, those heisters and their logic.

• 6:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Let's have a heist girl summer.

• 6:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Heist girl summer.

• 6:54Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 6:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 6:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Balaclavas, fucking stealing people's shit, and driving away.

• 6:59Georgia Hardstark?

  It's SPF, it's UV coverage of balaclava.

• 7:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Opera gloves, balaclavas, really bright lipstick.

• 7:06Georgia Hardstark?

  And like bikini.

• 7:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes. Okay.

• 7:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Sorry.

• 7:11Karen Kilgariff?

  That's Spring Breakers.

• 7:12Georgia Hardstark?

  That's true. Oh, shit, you're right.

• 7:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay, do-do-do. "So yes, our tiny liberal arts college somehow produced a Hollywood crime film. So to answer your question, yes, Transylvania University is very real. For a school with barely 1,100 students, we've managed to accumulate a cursed professor, a possible case of mistaken remains inside the administration building, an unsolved murder, a multimillion-dollar rare book heist, and a name that makes everyone immediately ask about vampires. Anyway, thanks for giving me an excuse to finally write in again. If you ever need more weird, transy stories..." I guess they call it "transy."

• 7:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 7:48Karen Kilgariff?

  "I've got plenty." SSDGM Jay, she/her, Transylvania University, class of 2006. And here is a picture of himself, Constantine Samuel Raffinesque.

• 7:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 8:00Karen Kilgariff?

  That's the man that they moved the body and put him in the administration building.

• 8:03Georgia Hardstark?

  He looks like a thumb.

• 8:05Karen Kilgariff?

  He's...

• 8:06Georgia Hardstark?

  They look like they drew a thumb and then drew his picture on a thumb.

• 8:10Karen Kilgariff?

  To me, it looks like he's done so much reading that his eyes are moving around his head like a flounder.

• 8:16Georgia Hardstark?

  He's turning into... He's, what's it called?

• 8:19Karen Kilgariff?

  He's morphing into a book?

• 8:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 8:22Karen Kilgariff?

  He got bit by a book and then he's turning into a book?

• 8:24Georgia Hardstark?

  He's morphing for easier reading capabilities. Okay. Love it. Good job.

• 8:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Thank you.

• 8:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 8:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Good job, Jay.

• 8:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Start... Yeah. Is it weird that I'm like, "I bet that college would have accepted me if I had like, you know?"

• 8:38Karen Kilgariff?

  I would have been accepted at Transylvania University.

• 8:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Someone at Transylvania would have... Oh, God, what if we got a fucking honorary diploma from Transylvania University?

• 8:48Karen Kilgariff?

  For being creeps? We major in being creeps?

• 8:50Georgia Hardstark?

  That would be rad. Okay.

• 8:56Georgia Hardstark?

  Hey friends, back in the glory days of 2003-ish, my mom was going through what she now lovingly refers to as her middle age crazy, aka she was post divorce and really into cheap vodka and dudes on motorcycles.

• 9:09Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, this is very Erin Brockovich-y.

• 9:12Georgia Hardstark?

  I bet she's like 39, right?

• 9:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, you mean when this is happening?

• 9:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 9:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 9:16Georgia Hardstark?

  "I was a disaffected 15-year-old, my first cellphone, and an addiction to AOL Instant Messenger. What a time." "My mom was dating one particular shithead with a motorcycle, and the two of them enjoyed going out for long rides on the weekend." What else were they doing?

• 9:31Karen Kilgariff?

  You're not my dad, Randy.

• 9:33Georgia Hardstark?

  "My dad was a flight attendant, so I was expected to watch my 11-year-old brother most nights they went out. This particular evening, my mom made sure to tell me that they were going to a movie after their ride and probably wouldn't have their cellphones on, so I should call my dad if I needed anything. Being a teenager, I rolled my eyes or gave her some equally asshole response, and they were on their way. An hour or so later, I was chatting on AIM while my brother watched the Tom Green Show."

• 9:59Karen Kilgariff?

  My god. Oh my god.

• 10:01Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 10:01Karen Kilgariff?

  And we were drinking Jolt Cola.

• 10:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Right. "When suddenly my cellphone started to ring. The number was blocked, and as I was a sweet summer child who still believed in answering the phone at all times, much less unknown numbers, I picked up. I said hello and was greeted with the lowest, most gravelly voice I'd ever heard. I've been waiting. I know you're alone. I'm in the backyard." I screamed and immediately hung up the phone and like a good baby murderino locked the bedroom door.

• 10:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Smart.

• 10:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Even though I was freaked out, I knew it was likely one of my friends messing with me. I quickly sent AIM chats to all my closest friends demanding that they admit they'd call me, but they swore over and over that it wasn't them. Meanwhile, my phone was blowing the fuck up. I answered a few more times, trying to convince the person on the other end to give up the gag, but the threats continued. "I'm on your porch now. I have a knife."

• 10:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Fuck.

• 10:54Georgia Hardstark?

  It was then that my brother and I heard banging on the sliding glass door downstairs, followed by scraping along the walls of the back of the house. Our backyard was basically a big forest that cushioned us from another neighborhood, very easy for someone to hide out back there. At this point, I was sobbing, calling my mom, dad, and even the shithead boyfriend, only to get their voicemails. I was convinced I was about to be murdered and had no idea what to do. The phone kept ringing, so my sweet, angel, baby brother yelled at me to call the cops and get in the closet. He's 11. I watched as he darted down the hall and grabbed the shitty boyfriend's hunting rifle from under the bed. 11.

• 11:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 11:33Georgia Hardstark?

  And he closed the bedroom door again and sat there staring at it with the gun pointed directly at it. The 911 operator, who had been talking me off a ledge, told me to peek out my bedroom window and I would see a patrol car pulling up with no lights on. Sure enough, an officer was sneaking up my driveway to assess the situation. About a minute later, the operator explained that everything was okay and that I should go down to the driveway to talk to the officer. Scared shitless but wanting to follow directions, my brother and I walked down the stairs to find my mother. She and her boyfriend were drunk off their asses and trying to explain why they'd been pretending to be murderers in the backyard for the last hour. The shitty boyfriend had been using a rake against the walls

• 12:18Georgia Hardstark?

  to create the creepy noises, and mom had turned her phone off so we'd get her voicemail when we called. Everyone could have killed her. Everybody.

• 12:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Fucking...

• 12:27Georgia Hardstark?

  The cops, the brother.

• 12:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Valid. I mean, I'm so furious. What in the fuck are you doing?

• 12:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 12:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Go to AA, you fucking weirdo.

• 12:36Georgia Hardstark?

  My brother called both of them bitches, his favorite part of the story, and stomped back upstairs while I sat there, basically apop- apocalyptic...

• 12:44Karen Kilgariff?

  Apoplectic?

• 12:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Apoplectic.

• 12:46Karen Kilgariff?

  That's a tough one.

• 12:47Georgia Hardstark?

  And sobbing. My mom walked over to comfort me, but my crying made her laugh so hard that she, no shit, almost peed herself and had to walk away. This isn't, this is not called trash, trash mom, and it should be.

• 12:59Karen Kilgariff?

  It isn't?

• 12:59Georgia Hardstark?

  No. You'd think she'd feel bad about it, but to this day, my mom can't tell that story without laughing until she hears it here.

• 13:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Your mom is a sociopath.

• 13:10Georgia Hardstark?

  I love reminding her of how she turned me into a neurotic weirdo who always locks her fucking doors and how her insane antics are going to fill my memoir one of these days. That's fucking right. Thank you for everything you do. If you're ever in ATL, Atlanta, facials are on me.

• 13:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Whoa, yes.

• 13:26Georgia Hardstark?

  I know. Stay sexy and avoid the middle age crazy, Amy.

• 13:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, I mean, that, I forgot about Amy's mom, basically, at the beginning was like, hey, I was going through some stuff.

• 13:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 13:38Karen Kilgariff?

  But that is torture.

• 13:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 13:40Karen Kilgariff?

  And I also, is it wrong to admit that I have a crush on that 11-year-old boy that went, "I'm gonna go get the fucking gun"?

• 13:46Georgia Hardstark?

  He knew what he was doing.

• 13:48Karen Kilgariff?

  And then calling them bitches.

• 13:49Georgia Hardstark?

  See, 11 in 2003, that was 23 years ago. So that means he's 34.

• 13:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Perfect for me.

• 13:57Georgia Hardstark?

  It's just your dad.

• 13:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Because that's a, that's a, that's a boy who got turned into a man that day.

• 14:02Georgia Hardstark?

  That's right.

• 14:02Karen Kilgariff?

  And that probably never stopped.

• 14:04Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 14:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Where he's like, "These bitches are in charge. Now I have to be in charge."

• 14:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. And he took care of his older sister, so obviously he knows what he's doing.

• 14:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 14:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Match made in heaven.

• 14:13Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, this is, this is what, you know, the bad parenting begets, which is hyper responsible and handling... You stay here, I'm gonna go get the gun.

• 14:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. Also, like, lock your guns up, people. Lock your boyfriend's guns up when your children are so many things.

• 14:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Don't be in the 70s, socializing with fucking hell's angels or whatever the fuck it was you were doing.

• 14:36Georgia Hardstark?

  It was 2003.

• 14:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 14:38Georgia Hardstark?

  No excuse.

• 14:39Karen Kilgariff?

  That's bad.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  911, what's your emergency?

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Please help us. They're everywhere. We think they're murder wantons. 911 Nashville returns.

• 14:52Speaker 03

  What's a homicide detective doing here? Three bodies on the ground.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  With emergencies of biblical proportions.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Oh, since swarms upon you and upon your people. That's one of the plagues of the Bible. And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  Brian Philippi joins 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  Whether you're buying, renting, or selling, Zillow can help make your someday today to help find a home that fits where you are in life or that apartment that's a little closer to where you want to be. Zillow has the right information, tools, and support to help turn your future home into a reality. Because someday starts today. Visit zillow.com/today to get started.

• 15:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, well, okay. The subject line of this email is "Making Customers Cry." I was listening to Mini-Sode 299 about that poor fraud rep who was expected to out the guy with the sex work credit card charges to his wife when Karen said, quote, "If anything you're about to do is going to make the customer cry, that goes upstairs." And I thought, do you remember that?

• 16:00Georgia Hardstark?

  I don't know what you're talking about.

• 16:01Karen Kilgariff?

  I know. It was basically like, tell the manager before you

• 16:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 16:05Karen Kilgariff?

  blow it up. And they say, "And I thought I'd share some tales of making customers cry."

• 16:10Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 16:11Karen Kilgariff?

  So Karen nailed it. "Most customer service reps do not get paid enough to deal with this shit." But guess who does? Up there, sitting at the top of those proverbial stairs. That'd be me. I'm a customer service manager at a small-town bank. I manage a team of tellers, and I tell them the same thing Karen said. "You don't get paid enough. If a client is escalating, tag me in."

• 16:30Georgia Hardstark?

  Nice.

• 16:31Karen Kilgariff?

  A woman ca- and then you tag in the 11-year-old boy with the shotgun. "A woman came in already in tears. Her husband had taken her debit card and kicked her out of the house, and she wanted to know if she could just withdraw some cash. She said, 'He's just not very nice,' and looked away with tears rolling down her face. I took her to my desk, reviewed her account, and in my perky as customer service voice said, 'Well, looky here. You are listed as the second account owner on your joint account, meaning you have full authority to do anything with the account that you need.'"

• 17:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Yes.

• 17:00Karen Kilgariff?

  "We closed the account, issued her a check made payable only to her, used it to open an account with only her name on it, got her own debit card, gave her $1,000 in cash, and called her a cab to the next town over where her sister lived."

• 17:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Fuck, yes. And that's the end of the story, right?

• 17:16Karen Kilgariff?

  And goodbye. She had no more tears going out the door, but guess who had big, fat crocodile tears? The next day, when he stumbled in, wondering why his card wasn't working. That's right, the, the... He was crying, because how could he live without her paycheck? Who was going to pay his bills? Then he said, quote, "She never thinks of the consequences when she does stupid shit like this," end quote. "When I was unmoved by his tears, he turned them off like a faucet and stormed out the door." Of course.

• 17:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 17:46Karen Kilgariff?

  "Thank you, ladies, for all you do."

• 17:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Good. I thought it was, I thought the lady was gonna scam. The lady was a scammer.

• 17:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Nope.

• 17:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Thank god, okay.

• 17:52Karen Kilgariff?

  I think it was basically like, they're the customer service people who actually give real, needed customer service.

• 17:58Georgia Hardstark?

  Love it.

• 17:58Karen Kilgariff?

  "Stay sexy and maybe don't be a money-grubbing douche canoe. Oh, and be kind to customer service personnel. Sarah."

• 18:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Love it.

• 18:07Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 18:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Perfect. This is a side hustle. Children's side hustle?

• 18:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:13Georgia Hardstark?

  Hello all. You asked for stories about late confessions, late in life confessions. Perhaps this story will tickle your fancy. I was in grade nine when I realized that I could forge my mom's signature. All of the sudden, I wasn't skipping class. I had an excused absence. The kicker to all this, my mom taught at the same high school I attended. I would hand in the notes with her signature on it and no one in the office would question it. That's a fucking dangerous game you're playing.

• 18:41Karen Kilgariff?

  That's sloppy. Well, but also, yeah, it would literally take one of this like, huh, just a light curiosity to be like comparing this.

• 18:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Hey, Joan, could you just write your signature in here for me? Andrea called out again today, Joan. Every time I brought my report card home, my mom would comment about not remembering that many absences, but she never followed up on it. One day, a friend asked if I could forge her parents' signature. She got me a sample, I practiced a few times, and my high school side hustle was born. For a mere $5 and a sample signature, I could get my friends out of class, or sign the disciplinary note that had been sent home, or give permission to attend a field trip. I kept it fairly low key as to not get caught, but I made a nice little sum for it over the four years.

• 19:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Holy shit.

• 19:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. $5 a signature, maybe like a couple a month.

• 19:30Karen Kilgariff?

  I wonder what like the blah she's breaking is. Like, for example, like in Law and Order, they're always like, this is a Rico case or whatever. What is that? I guess forgery?

• 19:39Georgia Hardstark?

  Forgery, but under 18, a teenager, they probably don't give a shit, right? They're just gonna scare them.

• 19:44Karen Kilgariff?

  It's just a field trip.

• 19:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. To the morgue.

• 19:47Karen Kilgariff?

  To the liquor store.

• 19:50Georgia Hardstark?

  Missionary. My sister could, got my mom's signature down so hard. She used to do it for us.

• 19:55Karen Kilgariff?

  Of course she did.

• 19:56Georgia Hardstark?

  Uh huh. About six or seven years after I graduated, my short stint living the life of a criminal long forgotten, and my mom retired, the two of us went for lunch. She had recently had surgery on her right hand, so when the credit card receipt needed to be signed, she passed it over to me. She was in the middle of telling me not to worry about how it looked because she'd notify the company about the surgery when I, out of habit, did my perfect forgery of her signature. She took one look at the signed receipt and demanded to know how long I had been able to sign her name. I watched the pieces fall into place after I told her I first did in grade nine. She said, I knew I'd never signed you out of that many classes.

• 20:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 20:35Georgia Hardstark?

  Since then, I've continued to sign things for her when she just doesn't feel like it. The number of birthday checks I've signed for myself and my siblings should probably get me into some sort of legal trouble, but my mom's hands are shaky now and she doesn't want to lose her backup, so she'll never squeal. Cheers, Andrea, she/her.

• 20:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Andrea, that is perfection.

• 20:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 20:55Karen Kilgariff?

  Because also, that's the kind of, I feel like we're out of that age in the tech age that we're in.

• 21:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 21:01Karen Kilgariff?

  That truly feels like a Little House on the Prairie story.

• 21:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 21:04Karen Kilgariff?

  Like, remember when you had to forge?

• 21:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Right.

• 21:07Karen Kilgariff?

  Signatures and your parents wouldn't even know, or like it's a report card they never knew came?

• 21:11Georgia Hardstark?

  It's like driving stick shift. Like, you won't need that and forging signatures until the end days.

• 21:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 21:16Georgia Hardstark?

  But they're gonna come in handy again someday.

• 21:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Mmm.

• 21:18Georgia Hardstark?

  I learned the other day that Vince doesn't know how to drive stick shift and I, I kinda was like.

• 21:24Karen Kilgariff?

  You got the ick?

• 21:25Georgia Hardstark?

  No, I was just like, I thought I knew you.

• 21:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, yeah, it's a brand, oh, your whole relationship, you're gonna have new discoveries. Isn't that wonderful?

• 21:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, 13 years in and I'm still.

• 21:34Karen Kilgariff?

  You're like, what?

• 21:35Georgia Hardstark?

  I was very shocked.

• 21:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Um, I'm really good at teaching people how to drive stick shift if he ever needs to know.

• 21:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, great. End days, we're gonna come over.

• 21:43Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, exactly.

• 21:44Georgia Hardstark?

  We'll steal a car.

• 21:45Karen Kilgariff?

  We'll mount a nice machine gun on the top.

• 21:47Georgia Hardstark?

  We'll get the little brothers in the back with his fucking rifle.

• 21:50Karen Kilgariff?

  Yep. We'll tape him to the front, Mad Max style.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  911, what's your emergency? Help us! They're everywhere! We think they're murder hornets. 911 Nashville returns.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  What's a homicide detective doing here?

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Three bodies on the ground. With emergencies of biblical proportions.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  Oh, since swarm's upon you and upon your people.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  That's one of the plagues for Bible.

• 22:15Speaker 03

  And somebody's unleashing them on Nashville.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  Brian Phillippe joins 911 Nashville. All new Thursdays on ABC, next day on Hulu.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  Whether you're buying, renting, or selling, Zillow can help make your someday today to help find a home that fits where you are in life, or that apartment that's a little closer to where you want to be. Zillow has the right information, tools, and support to help turn your future home into a reality. Because someday starts today. Visit zillow.com/today to get started.

• 22:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay, my last one is, I have a deathbed treasure hunt story.

• 22:55Georgia Hardstark?

  Ah.

• 22:56Karen Kilgariff?

  Come on.

• 22:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Those two things together?

• 22:58Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. And, listen to this. Hey, you guys, greetings from Wisconsin. This is gonna be good.

• 23:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 23:04Karen Kilgariff?

  You love kooky grandparents stories, you love treasure, you asked for deathbed treasure hunts in mini-soad 474, and this story has it all. Let me introduce you to my grandpa Randall, whom I affectionately call, and this kind of ruined it for me, but we're gonna power through it.

• 23:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay.

• 23:20Karen Kilgariff?

  Grampy. Grampy was, Grampy was the true definition of a self-made man. He rode bucking Broncos in the rodeo. He had his pilot's license. He was a business owner twice over, all on just an eighth grade education.

• 23:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Wow.

• 23:35Karen Kilgariff?

  See, we're like Grampy. He loved telling us stories of his childhood in the 40s, like how his parents gave chickens to the local hospital to settle a medical test.

• 23:43Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god. Amazing.

• 23:46Karen Kilgariff?

  That's so.

• 23:49Georgia Hardstark?

  I just picture like, I picture them giving them to the medical center to become doctors, and then the chickens had little like doctors hats on and little stethoscopes.

• 23:57Karen Kilgariff?

  And they'd have blood pressure.

• 23:59Georgia Hardstark?

  They're not food, they've become the doctor.

• 24:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, that's right. We gotta get these guys in training.

• 24:03Georgia Hardstark?

  That's right.

• 24:04Karen Kilgariff?

  We need more help in x-ray. Okay, so, or how they would trade car parts from their salvage yard for tattoos.

• 24:11Georgia Hardstark?

  Amazing.

• 24:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Even, even CNN. I have him to thank for my love of true crime. I can remember spending my many childhood sleepovers at Grammy and Grampy's curled up in the living room. Oh, it makes more sense with Grammy.

• 24:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Sounds gross.

• 24:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Um, we can't have a freestanding Grampy. It's just too.

• 24:26Georgia Hardstark?

  It's sick.

• 24:27Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. Curled up in the living room, eating peach rings and cheese popcorn, damn, and watching true crime classics like Friends and Files and Dateline. He was quick with a joke and even quicker to tell us he loved us. Sadly, we lost him in 2019. About a year after his passing, I was sitting at my grandma's kitchen table drinking coffee when Grammy abruptly blurted out, have I told you about your grandpa's hidden stash? Huh? I asked. Uh, no, but I need to know. Then she proceeded to tell me this story. A few months after he died, Grammy had finally worked up the courage to go through some of Grampy's belongings. When she was cleaning out his wallet, tucked in the very back was a piece of paper folded up with her name on it. Upon unfolding it, she was confused

• 25:10Karen Kilgariff?

  to find a rough drawn outline of their home.

• 25:13Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god.

• 25:14Karen Kilgariff?

  As she examined it closer, she realized it was a treasure map.

• 25:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Ah.

• 25:19Karen Kilgariff?

  X marks the spot and all. After a quick hunt, she located the stash in the utility room next to the water heater, and tucked into the wall behind a loose piece of insulation was a Ziploc bag stuffed with cash.

• 25:34Georgia Hardstark?

  No!

• 25:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes. Over the decade that they had lived there, he had squirreled away over $6,000.

• 25:40Georgia Hardstark?

  Holy shit.

• 25:41Karen Kilgariff?

  Uh, safe to say, when she moved out that summer, she turned that place inside out, making sure there wasn't another hidden stash. There wasn't. Thanks for keeping me company and adding some joy to the otherwise mundane tasks of life. Stay sexy and hug your grandparents. Robin, she/her.

• 25:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh my god. That is amazing. I am gonna make Vince, we're gonna buy each other a present, hide a map in case one of us dies.

• 26:06Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 26:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Right?

• 26:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Post-death surprises and pranks.

• 26:09Georgia Hardstark?

  I love that.

• 26:10Karen Kilgariff?

  It's really sweet.

• 26:11Georgia Hardstark?

  It's like so sweet.

• 26:12Karen Kilgariff?

  It's really lovely.

• 26:13Georgia Hardstark?

  Cash is great, too.

• 26:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Cash is amazing.

• 26:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 26:16Karen Kilgariff?

  But then any kind of like, hey, I was, this was, I was thinking of you before I left.

• 26:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Before I left this mortal coil. I love it.

• 26:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 26:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay, my last one is called Little Sister Lore.

• 26:26Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 26:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Hi, friends. Longtime listener and lifetime older sister here. I've spent the last 10-plus years trying to get my little sister Mandy to listen to your show simply because you guys get the dynamic we have. It's exhausting being right all the time. Mandy is the best kind of person, a con artist in her past life with the biggest heart. When we were 10 and 12-ish back in the 90s, we'd go to Costco with our parents every week. We weren't allowed to be left alone in the Aerostar after we thought it would be funny one time to hide under the seats when our parents came back from shopping, making them think we were kidnapped.

• 26:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes.

• 27:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Fuck yeah.

• 27:01Karen Kilgariff?

  When the kids do it, it's funny.

• 27:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 27:03Karen Kilgariff?

  When the kids do it, it's funny.

• 27:04Georgia Hardstark?

  When the parents, no. And then it says, whoops. In the store, I'd spend the whole time in the book section while my parents shopped, and Mandy would be my shadow. One day, when it came time to check out, a worker approached our family and told us to come to the manager's office, where it was revealed that my tiny, sweet Mandy shoplifted an electronic translator.

• 27:26Georgia Hardstark?

  The 90s. The worker accused both of us of being in on it. And my no bullshit Filipina nurse mother immediately said, no, I know this one, pointing to me, her eldest, didn't do it. It had to be my younger daughter. She knew us and immediately set the story straight. And she was right. I was none the wiser wanting to read. Mandy was a sneaky kid who saw a translator system knowing I wanted to learn a new language and wanted to steal it for me.

• 27:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh.

• 27:54Georgia Hardstark?

  So criminally sweet. We had to abandon the huge cart of groceries. They wouldn't even let them check out. Where are you going to get fucking toilet paper in bulk?

• 28:03Karen Kilgariff?

  I mean, and also just don't, don't punish the mother or the older sister.

• 28:07Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. Mandy was banned from Costco for a whole year.

• 28:11Karen Kilgariff?

  She did it at Costco?

• 28:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. And she had to write an apology letter to the store. It's extreme.

• 28:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Dear hot dogs, I'm so sorry.

• 28:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Our family still laughs about this today because while Mandy avoided a life of crime, she never stopped being the creative, considerate and fearless woman only little sisters can be.

• 28:30Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, that's right.

• 28:31Georgia Hardstark?

  I know you both talk a lot about your role as younger sisters. And while us elders can be bossy, deep down, we love you more than any book, fancy new gadget or cart full of wholesale priced goods. Plus, I think the funniest people in the world are baby sisters. Sorry, Laura and Leah, but it's true.

• 28:49Karen Kilgariff?

  It is true. Thank you. That's an official older sister vote.

• 28:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Hell, yeah. It's why this podcast is my favorite breath of comedic fresh air. Oh, my God, eat that, Laura and Leah.

• 29:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Laura's like, I don't know that you're saying that because I don't listen to this podcast.

• 29:04Georgia Hardstark?

  My sister is like, same.

• 29:05Karen Kilgariff?

  Leah's like, can't hear you.

• 29:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Stay sexy and don't steal from one of the few companies that stand firmly with D E I initiatives and sell $1.50 hot dogs. Missy.

• 29:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Missy, thank you for that messaging at the end.

• 29:17Georgia Hardstark?

  That was flawless, Missy.

• 29:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Very strong. Costco is now on TikTok. And one of the first videos was that guy that said he'll never raise the, he, he told the CEO that if you ever raise the price of the hot dogs, I'll kill you.

• 29:28Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, my God.

• 29:29Karen Kilgariff?

  The owner, basically. And he made a video of himself eating one of the hot dogs.

• 29:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Hell, yeah.

• 29:33Karen Kilgariff?

  So good.

• 29:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Missy, you shoplifted our hearts. Thank you for that email. And thank you, guys, for listening.

• 29:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, this was a really good one. That was a nice batch.

• 29:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Send us your stories, whatever they may be, at myfavoritemurder@gmail. We need to hear from middle sisters.

• 29:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, my God.

• 29:48Georgia Hardstark?

  What are they like?

• 29:49Karen Kilgariff?

  What's the fifth, the five sisters act like?

• 29:52Georgia Hardstark?

  Jesus.

• 29:55Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, you, the book Little Women.

• 29:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh.

• 29:58Karen Kilgariff?

  All right, well, stay sexy.

• 29:59Georgia Hardstark?

  And don't get murdered. Goodbye.

• 30:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Never read Little Women.

• 30:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Same. Elvis, do you want a cookie?

• 30:13Karen Kilgariff?

  This has been an Exactly Right Production.

• 30:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Our managing producer is Molly Smith.

• 30:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Our consulting producer is Kate Schellbach.

• 30:19Georgia Hardstark?

  Our creative lead is Allison Agosti.

• 30:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Our associate producer is Tessa Hughes and our editor is Aristotle Acevato.

• 30:26Georgia Hardstark?

  This episode was mixed by Leona Scolacci.

• 30:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Email your hometowns to [email protected] and follow the show on Instagram at myfavoritemurder.

• 30:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 30:39Karen Kilgariff?

  Or watch new episodes every week on Netflix. Search for My Favorite Murder, add us to your list and hit the double thumbs up button.

• 30:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 30:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Calling all amateur detectives and podcast obsessives.

• 30:57Georgia Hardstark?

  Virgin Voyages' second True Crime Voyage sets sail March 20th, 2027, for a five-night escape to Grand Turk and the beach club at Bimini.

• 31:06Karen Kilgariff?

  As part of the On Air at Sea collection, this immersive sailing brings together fan favorite podcasts, including Disgrace Land, Buried Bones, and Wise Crack, for live recordings, behind the scenes access, exclusive meet and greets, and crime-themed programming that you won't find anywhere else.

• 31:22Georgia Hardstark?

  All aboard our award-winning, kid-free ships.

• 31:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Head over to virginvoyages.com/truecrime to secure your spot.

• 31:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 31:30Speaker 00

  Okay, laundry stinks, literally. I mean, you could just keep buying new underwear. Not that I've ever done that. Or maybe sort your clothes into piles based on how re-wearable or filthy they are. Or just use Arm & Hammer Deep Clean. It's made for real-life stinks and stains. So even if you don't do laundry the quote, "right way," Deep Clean will knock it out. I mean, it is from the number one liquid detergent brand that tackles more loads than any other. Come clean with Arm & Hammer Deep Clean. Number one claim based on total wash loads sold.

• 32:06Georgia Hardstark?

  I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast, the true crime comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scammed them. What? I could talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.