The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800

YMH Live is back and better than ever! Tune in March 7th at https://livestream.ymhstudios.com/ Touch our camera through the fence, chomos! SPONSORS: - Ready to take control of your money? Head to https://acorns.com/YMH or download the Acorns app to get started. - Trade is exclusively offering our listeners 40% off your first order at https://drinktrade.com/YMH. On this special episode of Your Mom’s House, we celebrate 800 episodes of the podcast that birthed Studio Jeans. On today’s show, we take a look at some highlights from the last one hundred episodes such as Fart Gate, Nadav’s passing, Stavros reacting to Norm’s poutine, and the Enny vs Ryan basketball rivalry. We also look back at Dan Soder’s Chapelle impression, Caitlin Campbell’s daily vlog, ICP’s YKWIS supercut. Other topics include: Garth Brooks, Robert Smith, Bryce Mitchell, Andy Milonakis, Candace Owens, and Alec Baldwin’s new reality show. Here’s to 800 more! Enjoy. Your Mom’s House Ep. 800 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:05:29 - Opening Clip: Footjob Review 00:09:17 - Clip: Be Young & Ruin Things 00:14:18 - YMH Civil War: Ryan Vs Enny 00:28:05 - Stavros Reacts to Norm's Poutine 00:31:50 - Garth Brooks, Dan Soder's Chapelle Impression, & Robert Smith 00:39:15 - Nadav's Passing & Caitlin Campbell 00:46:14 - ICP YKWIS Supercut & Airtight Abby 00:50:28 - Fart Gate 00:58:44 - Ice Cold Pepsi, Bad Haircuts, & Bryce Mitchell 01:09:48 - Alec Baldwin Reality TV & Candace Owens 01:17:09 - Episode 800 Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Not everybody could do this.

• 0:05Tom Segura?

  We're thankful for you for being a viewer, a supporter of the show.

• 0:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's been a long transformation. Without you, our jeans are low and loose.

• 0:14Speaker 03

  And if she let me eat her booty, yeah, I'mma eat her booty.

• 0:19Speaker 03

  Your Mom's House Live, bitch!

• 0:27Tom Segura?

  YMY is so exciting. This is our first one in a while. This is a big, big episode.

• 0:40Tom Segura?

  I loved you. Yeah! I don't anymore.

• 0:48Tom Segura?

  Welcome, welcome to Your Mom's House.

• 0:58Tom Segura?

  Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker, or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, Cigars International has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time, when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day-induced stress. As the industry leader, Cigars International enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free everyday shipping, no codes, no minimums. You just buy the cigars and they show up. That's it. With Cigars International's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to stock

• 1:40Tom Segura?

  up and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of the year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more, or visit cigarsinternational.com/ymh and the discount applies automatically. Some exclusions apply. What's everybody? It's time for the 800th episode of Your Mom's House. Woo!

• 2:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Woo!

• 2:09Tom Segura?

  Isn't that wild?

• 2:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so many jeans.

• 2:11Tom Segura?

  It's so crazy, man.

• 2:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  We found 800 different ways to talk about brown.

• 2:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Injuries, cool guys.

• 2:19Tom Segura?

  So amazing.

• 2:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mental illness.

• 2:21Tom Segura?

  Eight hundred episodes.

• 2:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sexual things.

• 2:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 2:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's pretty cool.

• 2:25Tom Segura?

  So today, um, yeah, this marks the eight hundredth time we've done this podcast.

• 2:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing.

• 2:31Tom Segura?

  Which I can't even wrap my head around that.

• 2:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  There's just so many episodes, it's a blur.

• 2:34Tom Segura?

  It's a blur. Um, it's been through really a huge part of our life. I mean, that's

• 2:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  All of it.

• 2:43Tom Segura?

  We've been doing this roughly fifteen years now. Um, so this was like, we were, we were, we were married, but we had just gotten married.

• 2:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  We were newlyweds, basically.

• 2:55Tom Segura?

  We were in an apartment in Silver Lake. This took us through, we've had two kids.

• 3:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 3:03Tom Segura?

  Family deaths.

• 3:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 3:05Tom Segura?

  We've had so many, we've moved homes, we've moved states.

• 3:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  We've had your Invisalign.

• 3:11Tom Segura?

  Invisalign, which I would say of the last fifteen years, the most traumatic thing that happened to either of us was Invisalign.

• 3:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  To anybody in this family.

• 3:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, especially when they came off. I really hated that a lot.

• 3:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  It hurts so bad.

• 3:22Tom Segura?

  You had some other shit, but Invisalign is really what I think this sticks with us.

• 3:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 3:28Tom Segura?

  Um, yeah, so we're gonna discuss some of those things and plus, you know, there's, you know, other, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

• 3:34Speaker 03

  You know nineteen virus.

• 3:36Tom Segura?

  There's a bunch of things that we can talk about. Um,

• 3:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 3:40Tom Segura?

  Real quick to, to let everybody know, in two days, it is March seventh, and that means YMH Live ten is coming.

• 3:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 3:49Tom Segura?

  It is back. YMH Live is back, seven thirty PM Central Time. Uh, it's our biggest one yet. We're gonna tell you some of the amazing details in a moment, but we have the great Dan Soder, one of the funniest comedians working today, is joining us live in studio. Um, of course, there are brand new, original sketches and things that we've shot. Uh, we're giving away ten thousand dollars. You can go to YMHstudios.com for more information there. Grab your ticket and we will announce the winner live on the show, uh, right before the heavy segment and don't miss the exclusive VIP post-show with the great cockroach, Josh Potter. So that's all happening March seventh, right here, YMHstudios.com.

• 4:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  These sketches, by the way, that we're doing for this YMH Live.

• 4:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Are, I think, the best we've ever done.

• 4:35Tom Segura?

  That it is.

• 4:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so good.

• 4:37Tom Segura?

  It's other level. I mean, it's, um, we should just say it, who's gonna be appearing, yeah.

• 4:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dare we?

• 4:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think it's worth saying that, um, we brought, we brought Tony John to town.

• 4:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Woo!

• 4:49Tom Segura?

  So he came to town.

• 4:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  He came to Austin.

• 4:52Tom Segura?

  He did.

• 4:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  And did a sketch with us.

• 4:53Tom Segura?

  He did, he came to town, and, um, we also have, um...

• 4:58Speaker 04

  Just appreciating my cock and my balls.

• 5:00Tom Segura?

  Uh, the great Will Blunderfeld, Annie's, um, close friend.

• 5:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep.

• 5:06Tom Segura?

  Um...

• 5:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Life partner, life coach.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless.

• 5:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what he says after he eats his come.

• 5:15Tom Segura?

  And, yeah, it's...

• 5:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm shameless, I'm fearless, I'm doubtless.

• 5:18Tom Segura?

  That is one of the times he says that.

• 5:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:19Tom Segura?

  Um... A really juicy anus workshop. Let's just say. We, uh...

• 5:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so good.

• 5:27Tom Segura?

  We had a workshop with him, it's incredible. And on top of that, on top of all that, we have the one and only...

• 5:36Speaker 05

  What's up there, chomo?

• 5:37Tom Segura?

  Charo.

• 5:38Speaker 05

  It's your mom's house.

• 5:38Tom Segura?

  Charo.

• 5:39Speaker 05

  You like it? Tata there, retard.

• 5:44Tom Segura?

  Charo did an amazing bit.

• 5:45Speaker 05

  Annie.

• 5:50Tom Segura?

  So we have that, we have another, a crazy, um, short film that we made. It's not even a sketch, it's a short film.

• 5:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 5:59Tom Segura?

  Um, it's the biggest one we've ever done, and we're super excited. So I hope you'll join us. And of course, I always have to remind people, and I'm happy to do it. A lot of people worry because it's called YMH Live, they're like, what if I can't be there live? You can still watch the show after the original live version. If you get a ticket, you could watch it Saturday, Sunday, the next week. It's viewable for you anytime, it's just if you wanna be there live as it happens, it's gonna be 7:30 PM Central on March 7th.

• 6:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's amazing. It's amaze.

• 6:28Tom Segura?

  It's amaze. Ready to start the show?

• 6:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Amaze, of course.

• 6:31Tom Segura?

  All right, here you go.

• 6:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 6:33Speaker 06

  I just got my second foot job of all time.

• 6:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 6:35Speaker 06

  So let's talk about it in ready 1 through 10. Unfortunately, I would have to give this a 7. Seven out of 10. I did finish from it surprisingly, and I did love it. I don't know, it's just something about the grip on the bottom of the feet, like the calluses. And when they curve it and grip it, it feels so good to me. I don't even look at the feet. I make eye contact the whole entire time. Last time I didn't like it because she was the older lady, but this time she was my age, so I think that made a difference for sure.

• 6:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 6:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 6:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That would, that would make all the difference. Don't bring anyone mothering to this. Yo mama the fucking sad. Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. Oh, get it, Tom. Ma, Segura.

• 7:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 7:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Easy money getting for jobs. I would do that for cash. That's easy.

• 7:38Tom Segura?

  Jack people love with my paws.

• 7:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  So easy.

• 7:54Speaker 06

  I did finish from it surprisingly.

• 7:56Tom Segura?

  So it's pretty cool that he's posting. My favorite thing is a young person going like, this is some things I'll put out, like this is your digital footprint.

• 8:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Forever.

• 8:09Tom Segura?

  No pun intended. That like, yeah, I got a couple of foot jobs recently and you just do an online review of that for people.

• 8:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, cause is there, is the community so vast and various that they need a reviewer? It's not like buying a car.

• 8:21Tom Segura?

  I don't think, yeah. He's also, he looks like he's fucking 19.

• 8:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 8:25Tom Segura?

  This is, he's gonna go in for an interview at some point where he'll be like, are you the foot job review guy?

• 8:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or, or even a lady.

• 8:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 8:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe a dating person down the road is like, what the fuck?

• 8:37Tom Segura?

  To post this.

• 8:39Speaker 06

  I don't know what it is. I can't really explain it like the grip is weird. The texture is weird. It's definitely weird, but it feels good. It's like trying octopus or squid. Like it's definitely different, but it tastes good. I will say the clarity does. I will say the clarity does hit a lot harder than normal. Cause it's like, damn, did I really just do that to a pair of feet? I didn't ask to do it this time. I was never gonna ask again. She asked and I thought she was joking, but she actually kept on asking. So I was like, fuck it. Let's do it.

• 9:06Tom Segura?

  Fuck it. Um, well, that's cool. Um, it is. I'll also I'll say this. His analogy was fantastic.

• 9:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, it is like trying.

• 9:13Tom Segura?

  Squid or octopus. You're like, this is not the normal thing I do.

• 9:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he was saying too, that the older broad has calluses, which definitely that adds up. And that it's just inevitable over time.

• 9:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, but how does she get the grip with the feet?

• 9:28Tom Segura?

  Practice. You just gotta practice.

• 9:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what I'm wondering is how do you get a firm grip with the, uh, the medals of your feet?

• 9:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 9:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 9:37Tom Segura?

  I'll show you. So anyway, it's cool that, um, I have a feeling this is just my assumption here.

• 9:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 9:45Tom Segura?

  This is not the only review this man has left. It'd be maybe worth exploring what other reviews he puts. Uh, there's no way he's just like living life and decided this is a one-off.

• 9:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no, no.

• 9:55Tom Segura?

  This is, this person probably has a bunch of cool reviews.

• 9:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's really risky to put it out there at 19.

• 10:01Tom Segura?

  It's pretty young. He's young.

• 10:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He's not at the end of his life where he's made his money and.

• 10:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah. The, uh, the young doing, doing, you know, real, not realizing what they're doing. So this is one lane where he's like, obviously like talking about busting nuts. Here's another way that you could be young and, and kind of ruin things. What did you say? What did you say about my second man?

• 10:21Speaker 03

  It just happened before. You know what? 1444 minutes.

• 10:25Tom Segura?

  Hammered.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  Paul Tinman. Hell Hitler.

• 10:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh. Oh.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  You haven't, you go to school in a hurry. Hell Hitler, fourteen forty-four. Look. No. Fourteen forty-four, yeah. I'm reporting him, so exactly. Yeah, you guys dumbass bitches don't know shit. Shit, don't listen to him. No, no, no, no, no. Fat girl, fat girl. Yeah, what? What bitch? Oh bitch, come here, come here, come here, say something.

• 10:54Speaker 06

  Say something about Mexicans, say something about them.

• 10:56Speaker 03

  Oh Mexicans?

• 10:57Speaker 06

  No, exactly.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  We can get in a rap. Say something, you ugly motherfucker, that's why you came to us Mexicans.

• 11:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, say something.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  You goddamn beaners should be sliced at the throat at the border. We should slice you goddamn beaners at the throat. You wanna know why? Come here, bring the, bring the camera.

• 11:20Speaker 06

  No, I'm listening, I'm listening, I'm listening.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  Bring the camera.

• 11:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm listening.

• 11:23Tom Segura?

  We're listening, everyone is.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  You goddamn beaners should be sliced at the throat?

• 11:27Tom Segura?

  Why?

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Listen.

• 11:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Because you guys are goddamn border hopper niggers.

• 11:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  What? Don't listen to him. What's your name again?

• 11:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  What's your name again?

• 11:39Speaker 03

  He shouldn't be drinking, he's only twenty-one years old and he...

• 11:42Tom Segura?

  See, that sets you up for life.

• 11:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 11:44Tom Segura?

  This, this exists forever.

• 11:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's a good one.

• 11:47Tom Segura?

  It's a good one to put out there.

• 11:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good one, cuz you know in the nineties, maybe every now and then you'd meet a rando like that?

• 11:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  And you're like, that guy's just fucked up, and then you talk about it for years.

• 11:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 11:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  But this...

• 11:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you'd be like, remember the guy?

• 11:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Remember that guy?

• 12:00Tom Segura?

  And then you'd be like, this guy, this is the guy.

• 12:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Here, let me pass this around.

• 12:04Tom Segura?

  No, and his like...

• 12:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  His life is over.

• 12:05Tom Segura?

  His employment possibilities, his whole career trajectory. It's so fucking...

• 12:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking Bryce.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Border hopper niggers.

• 12:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bryce just destroyed his future.

• 12:16Tom Segura?

  It's so crazy.

• 12:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he probably had a good one, cuz he's wearing a nice polo button up.

• 12:19Tom Segura?

  That might be a work, that looks like it's an actual, it's not like a choice from his closet, he, he might have been working this event. You know, and tied one on, yeah.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Hell Hitler.

• 12:30Tom Segura?

  Like when his boss probably like, woo, wait a minute, what are you doing?

• 12:34Speaker 03

  What bitch?

• 12:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow, and not only that, I will say...

• 12:38Tom Segura?

  He hit a lot of notes.

• 12:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, and what's really interesting is that he pulled out beaner, which is old school.

• 12:44Tom Segura?

  That's old school, yeah.

• 12:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  So, somebody older than him is training him.

• 12:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is what I'm thinking.

• 12:49Tom Segura?

  The kids for today, they don't really know that.

• 12:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  They don't know beaner.

• 12:51Tom Segura?

  No.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  You goddamn beaners.

• 12:56Tom Segura?

  He is, he comes from a cool line of people.

• 12:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 12:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  His mom and dad are saying this crap to him.

• 13:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's not just him, man. It's pretty cool.

• 13:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh, 1444.

• 13:06Tom Segura?

  What's this? So stupid. That's, he had it all. He hit, he got Hitler.

• 13:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 13:11Tom Segura?

  He said, "Fat, you fat bitches. What's up, bitch?" And he said to kill people, have to slice their throats. I thought he was gonna be like, "You know why I should slice your throats to the border? This Mexican food's delicious."

• 13:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 13:24Tom Segura?

  Like, I thought he was gonna turn it to the food, but yeah.

• 13:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is true.

• 13:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 13:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 13:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's hearing this speech.

• 13:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 13:31Tom Segura?

  From dad, I think.

• 13:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, dad.

• 13:32Tom Segura?

  Or uncle, yeah.

• 13:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Somebody our age is training him.

• 13:35Tom Segura?

  Taking our job. Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker, or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, Cigars International has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time, when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day-induced stress. As the industry leader, Cigars International enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free everyday shipping, no codes, no minimums. You just buy the cigars and they show up, that's it. With Cigars International's unbeatable deals and discounts,

• 14:18Tom Segura?

  there's no better time to stock up and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of the year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more, or visit cigarsinternational.com/ymh, and the discount applies automatically. Some exclusions apply.

• 14:54Speaker 06

  The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The X-Files, Wayne's World, and so much more.

• 15:00Speaker 06

  The best things on TV really are free. You just have to know where to look. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.

• 15:08Tom Segura?

  The taking our jobs speech.

• 15:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the stupidest thing ever.

• 15:10Tom Segura?

  The oldest, dumbest, most fucking ignorant speech of all.

• 15:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It really is. They're not.

• 15:15Tom Segura?

  Coming here, taking the jobs we want.

• 15:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  The gardening jobs, landscaping.

• 15:21Tom Segura?

  Did you want to pick strawberries? Like, you realize that, like, these people are willing to work eighteen hours a day and not complain for all this shit that you... It's unbelievable. But, anyway.

• 15:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the problem is, this guy never knew any beaners. You know what I mean? He didn't grow up around Mexicans.

• 15:39Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 15:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  The way that I did, you did, in Latin culture. He has no respect.

• 15:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  For them.

• 15:45Tom Segura?

  No, he has no respect.

• 15:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, no knowledge. He doesn't know any Mexicans.

• 15:48Tom Segura?

  That's true.

• 15:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  The country club, he grew up in, he never met him.

• 15:51Tom Segura?

  He didn't... He's gonna, he's gonna get to know some now.

• 15:55Tom Segura?

  He's gonna have a whole new life experience now.

• 15:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, one good thing about...

• 15:59Tom Segura?

  Are you the guy? They're gonna go, "Are you the guy?" That's, uh...

• 16:03Speaker 03

  Goddamn border hopper niggers.

• 16:06Tom Segura?

  Is that you?

• 16:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that you? I was gonna say that the one bright spot about MAGA and Donald Trump returning to office is that now these cool clips are resurfacing.

• 16:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 16:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of a lot of Hitler clips, a lot of, you know, get them out of the country, they're taking our job clips. Those are really surfacing up now.

• 16:26Tom Segura?

  Making people poke their chest out again.

• 16:29Tom Segura?

  It's good.

• 16:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Getting comfortable.

• 16:31Tom Segura?

  Well, get comfortable with it. Um, you're gonna have a whole cool bunch of things happen in your life. It's fun that you're young enough that you get to experience a full life now.

• 16:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  A full life.

• 16:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Um, so anyway, we were, there's so many cool things to review and talk about. One of the things we were gonna do is talk about some of the best moments of the last one hundred episodes. One of the first things that comes to mind is episode seven oh four. This is when Ryan and Any challenged each other to basketball. That was awesome.

• 17:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my gosh.

• 17:02Tom Segura?

  Do you remember? Is that... I remember how, I couldn't believe how competitive Any was. Like, you really dug deep. First of all, you were like one of the only black guys I ever knew that was like, "I'm not good at basketball now. Like, I didn't play. It wasn't my obsession, like, growing up."

• 17:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why is that, Any?

• 17:20Tom Segura?

  Yes, well, that's my... Other half talking. Oh, right. I got two sides to this shit. Right. So. But then you were like, I cannot let my black half down. Exactly. And I'm gonna go all in. Exactly, like, you know, the white me was talking for a minute and then he said, any amount. Any amount of money and blacks, I was like, you gonna take that nigga, you gonna do that shit? You gonna let him just clown you like that? I'm like, nah, fuck that, nigga, man, alright. But you committed, you committed. Hell, yeah, I did. I fucking, I went to go, uh, what's it called, um, to that coach. Yeah. Uh, uh, Mr. Jasper, motherfucking trained me. A former pro, right? Wasn't he a pro? Uh, he was a. Like international player or something? Yeah, he was, uh, fuck, was he, is it Denmark or some shit? But yeah, he was like three V three pro or something. Yeah.

• 18:05Tom Segura?

  Um, and yeah, he was great. Um, but I mean, I told him as soon as I met him, I'm like, look, man, I got no fundamentals. I got no, nothing. Just show me like one thing that I could do and I'll just do that. Be honest, be honest when I ask you this. How did you describe your opponent to him? Uh, I told him to watch. I told him to look. You're like, here's a white guy, he's kind of.

• 18:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's old ass white guy.

• 18:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I was like, well, cause he, he watched like, yo, he was invested, man. He got super invested into the, into the show. So he found the show, he saw the whole thing and then he told me stuff where he's like, God, I forget what he said, but he was like, yeah, the way that he talked about backing you up and then like, lobbing it or some shit. He's like, people don't say that. Like, he said he was, he played in college. He did not play in college. He's lying to you. So I think, I think you might have a chance here. Well, I think what, I think what Ryan was saying then was that he, he didn't claim to play on a, like a college team, is that he played basketball in co- in other words, not for the school, but it was just like part of his. You mean like, you mean like he played in the gym? Yeah, yeah, like pickup games.

• 19:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's a weird way to say that, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I think when you say, I played in college, that usually kind of means. Right, right. If somebody goes, I played in college, they're, they're saying, right. It's like, I got you. Got you, got you. And that's why I understood. I'm like, yo, any amount of money, I get it. Like, especially after I really did start to learn the game. I'm like, shit, alright. Like, real talk, though, if he was some- Did you play anymore after that? No, not once. That was it? Not once, yeah. That was your mission? Yeah, man, I don't like basketball. It's a good-

• 19:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 19:35Tom Segura?

  It is still, it was such a fun day. It was such a-

• 19:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't swim, though, right?

• 19:39Speaker 03

  Ryan in studio to try and clear-

• 19:41Tom Segura?

  Nah, I don't swim either, but you think I can- Go ahead, get in there.

• 19:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't, you don't go in the ocean, though, right?

• 19:45Tom Segura?

  Hell nah, I don't swim either, but I guess what? I'll beat you in some laps, too, nigga. Oh, shit! Let's get it. Ryan, you are the Ryan that everyone's talking about, so... Do you wanna comment on anything that's been being said here?

• 20:01Tom Segura?

  You gotta push the button, big man.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  What's one?

• 20:05Speaker 03

  I'm sitting in my office, listening to everything he's saying. He's just lying left and right.

• 20:08Tom Segura?

  Yes, he's good at that. By the way, we also discussed, one of the things we'll get to is that, and he's a huge liar. Go ahead, Ryan. Can be, can be, can be.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  Geez, he also lied saying that he wasn't training, he wasn't doing anything.

• 20:18Tom Segura?

  I never said that. I never said I wasn't training.

• 20:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  He concealed it.

• 20:21Tom Segura?

  I never said it, but I did- What did you say? I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. No one said anything about training or not training.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  No, I asked you what you were doing, you said nothing.

• 20:29Tom Segura?

  No, you did not. When did you ask me that? Was it on the show? No.

• 20:32Speaker 03

  You can't be trusted, so anything I'm saying right now-

• 20:33Tom Segura?

  Was it on the show?

• 20:34Speaker 03

  No, it wasn't on the show.

• 20:35Tom Segura?

  Exactly.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  I work with you all day, unfortunately, so I talk to you a lot.

• 20:38Tom Segura?

  You never asked me.

• 20:39Speaker 03

  I'm forced to.

• 20:40Tom Segura?

  You never asked me.

• 20:40Speaker 03

  Okay, forget about that.

• 20:41Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 20:41Speaker 03

  You saying that I played in college? I would've never said I played in college.

• 20:44Tom Segura?

  Oh, I'm pretty sure we have that on tape, too.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Find it. I'll give you a thousand dollars of my own money if you can find it.

• 20:49Tom Segura?

  Oh, my god!

• 20:50Speaker 03

  Right now. I'll give you a-

• 20:52Tom Segura?

  Well, I don't have a way to look at it.

• 20:53Speaker 03

  Easy thousand dollars.

• 20:53Tom Segura?

  Look it up right now, but I-

• 20:55Speaker 03

  You have a thousand reasons to go find it. You have a thousand reasons to go find it.

• 20:58Speaker 00

  I think you did say that, though.

• 20:59Speaker 03

  No, I did not.

• 21:00Tom Segura?

  Well, wait a minute. Here's the thing, though, because we can get into the semantics of this. Did, are you saying that he was like, "I played basketball when I was in college," or "I pl- I played college ball"?

• 21:12Speaker 03

  I definitely didn't say I played college ball, because that'd be a straight lie and anyone could look it up. But I also didn't say that I played in college.

• 21:17Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  I played in high school, but-

• 21:20Tom Segura?

  You know what I will- I do remember him saying he played in high school. I do remember that.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  That's very different.

• 21:23Tom Segura?

  Yes. Maybe what, uh, maybe what happened was that maybe Tom said that you, you did, and so I was like, that's- Where I heard it, but either way. Okay. Either way, I definitely heard that because he, uh, the coach was saying that like that. Play me again now that I'm actually back in shape. My knees are blown out.

• 21:38Speaker 03

  That's what I was gonna ask.

• 21:40Tom Segura?

  Please, no. It's easy. Nigga, please. Wait, wait. What does that mean? Translate that for us. What does that mean? It means no. N O. How come? And I didn't get paid, nigga, no. No, you chose not to get paid.

• 21:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  You chose not to.

• 21:52Tom Segura?

  I'm choosing not. Chose what? What happened with the hair? You could have had a long locks of hair. What you mean? You got scared. You got scared. Nigga, you said any amount of money. What happened? No, you just wanted hair transplant. No, no. I wanted 10 Gs. I wanted 10 Gs and y'all were like, that's an irresponsible amount of money. It's irresponsible for you to say any amount of money. Well, the 10 Gs was the rematch we were talking about. 10 Gs, baby. 10 Gs. Even my head's about to explode. If you, if you win a rematch. Hell no, ain't no rematch. 10 Gs. You wouldn't do it for $10,000? I already, I already won $10,000. I'm out. We ain't doing another one so I could also not get paid for that shit. Was the bet for, for hair implants or $10,000?

• 22:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was for hair implants.

• 22:30Tom Segura?

  It was for 10. It was for 10. And then, and then y'all said that it was irresponsible and then we had to change the amount. Wait a minute, it was for hair. The thing you were playing for was hair. But see, what I'm saying is we went to that because y'all. Then you chickened out because you didn't want, you heard of that there's a little blood, little micro needles and you're like, oh, that scares me.

• 22:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, you did. You got scared. We remember. I remember.

• 22:50Tom Segura?

  You don't remember saying that you wanted this hair and that the hair thing was all set up? What I'm saying is, well, how this started was, he's like, name any amount of money. Nadav was sitting in this chair and he texted him that. And I said, nigga, 10 Gs. And then you were agreeing and it was like, okay, well, you, or you were saying, Tom, that like, well, look, that's an irresponsible amount of money. Maybe we should do something else. So you forced, y'all forced me to come up with something else. So I was like, I don't, the only thing I could think of is hair, I guess.

• 23:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  We gotta review the tape because I don't remember, I don't remember the conversation going that way. I remember asking, what do you want? And he, and he goes, I'd like to have hair.

• 23:28Tom Segura?

  I, that's what, yeah. And I remember setting up all the hair stuff too.

• 23:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  We were gonna send you to Turkey and everything.

• 23:34Tom Segura?

  Listen, I'm not saying I didn't at a point like agree to that. I'm just saying that that's not what I originally bet. Well, why don't you have hair right now? But wait, you're saying bet, you're, you guys bet each other that amount? He said any amount of money and I said $10,000 and he's like, that should be no problem. I could use a nice, what'd you say? Like a nice fucking pool or some shit. I don't know what the fuck. A pool. Yeah. I think the reason that that, that that was, that was shot down was that. Even though you won, yes, you did. The idea that a boss, he's your employer, could take $10,000 if you had lost, did feel like it's like an abuse to do. So two things. Number one,

• 24:18Tom Segura?

  don't say any amount of money then. Okay, okay. Because when you're making a bet, if you're gonna say that, you better own up to it. Number two, I chose the money. I'm the one who chose 10. But we didn't shake. You're not wrong, but we didn't shake hands on $10,000. That's my point. Sure. We started, yes, we started as going like, alright, any amount of money. And then, to Tom's point, we settled on something that would be entertaining not only for us, but something that you wanted, and also something that felt like more of a bet. You did say seemed thrilled at the hair idea. I thought, again, I thought that that might have been a cool thing. Because again, you were forced to me to come up with something else. And I'm like, look, I like money. I want money. I don't, I don't fucking want anything else. But fine, if I had to think of something. Okay. It's like, alright, fuck it. I guess the hair. Okay. But then, but then, yeah, once it was in my face, it's like, nigga, fuck this. I do think you should, I think you should rematch.

• 25:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I ain't wanna, man. I'll put $10,000 in cash on the table. I'm chilling. Okay. I'll put it on the table. I'm chilling. You, you killed me last, you destroyed me. Why wouldn't you wanna play again? Because I don't like basketball. I already beat you, bro.

• 25:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about swimming? Hold on, what about swimming? Right before Ryan came in, you said.

• 25:22Tom Segura?

  It's so crazy, too. You, you already, man, you already gave you the L. Like, how many, how many L's you want in your last name, though? He's two L, now you got three. I'm 40 pounds. You wanna be high, Ryan Hallalalalol? That's what you wanna be after this? Sure, I'm 40 pounds lighter. How many L's you want, nigga? My, my knees are back in shape. I'm now much stronger than you, so come on, let's go. Oh.

• 25:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  What about laps, swimming laps? Annie, you said it right before you came in, that you would swim laps. You would learn to swim and swim laps. Against Ryan.

• 25:49Tom Segura?

  I'm excited to kick off my UK and Ireland tour this weekend. I'll be in Dublin this Saturday, March 15 at Three Arena. Belfast for two shows at Waterfront Hall on March 16. First show is sold out. We added a second show. Manchester at AO Arena, March 19. London at Oval Arena, Wembley, March 20. Glasgow at Oval Hydro, March 24. First Nottingham at Motor Point Arena, March 22. Cardiff at Utilita Arena, March 23. Go get your tickets at tomsegura.com/tour. I'll see you there. Mike.

• 26:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  They say money can't buy you happiness. That might be true, but money sure can make you feel a lot of other things like stressed, guilty, overwhelmed. That's because when you're not in control of your money, your money can control you. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns is a financial wellness app that helps you take control of your money with simple tools that make it easy to start saving and investing for your future. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change.

• 27:05Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 27:47Christina Pazsitzky?

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• 28:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  they'll match you with your perfect coffee. If that first bag isn't quite right, no problem, Trade will replace it for free until they nail it. I have my Trade coffee in this very studio and I love it. It's exactly my favorite taste blend, the strength, they got it just right. Right now, Trade is exclusively offering our listeners 40% off your first order at drinktrade.com/ymh. That's drinktrade, T-R-A-D-E, dot com slash Y M H for 40% off your first order. drinktrade.com/ymh.

• 29:08Tom Segura?

  Ryan, do you swim? I swam as a kid. I'm pretty good. Okay. Oh, that's what you said about basketball. Yeah, let's do it. Do you want to swim? Will you swim laps for 10 Gs? And neither of you has to give it up. I'll give it up. However, I would if I don't have to pay for the coaches time. I paid thousands of dollars for that shit. I'll pay for the swimming coach too.

• 29:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 29:28Tom Segura?

  I'll pay for a swimming coach and I'll put the 10 grand up and I'll give it to whomever wins. And I, and I won't have a swimming coach.

• 29:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  You won't?

• 29:36Tom Segura?

  No, I don't need one.

• 29:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 29:38Tom Segura?

  Me neither.

• 29:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is amazing.

• 29:40Tom Segura?

  I won't either. I only did because I figured you would.

• 29:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you don't know how to swim.

• 29:43Tom Segura?

  Cause you figured I would know. Wait, do you not know how to swim?

• 29:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's blind.

• 29:46Tom Segura?

  Not like, not like that.

• 29:49Tom Segura?

  Ain't about not knowing, it's about, it's about not choosing. Swim instructor to learn first and then not a coach. Like we'll both cease the coach. Figure that shit out. Let him figure it out. Yeah, let him figure it out. Yeah.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Every water activity I've invited any to, he does not come. Surprise, nigga.

• 30:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  He doesn't.

• 30:05Tom Segura?

  I wonder why.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  We planned a boat trip together. He's like, I'll help you pay for it. And then he just didn't come.

• 30:12Tom Segura?

  Remember when I took everyone out on the boat?

• 30:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I remember.

• 30:14Tom Segura?

  And he didn't show up. He said like, oh, I overslept. What are you talking about? I went on the boat. No, the day, no, you didn't.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  Not for my birthday.

• 30:20Tom Segura?

  Not for the birthday, but, no, but for the boat you rented, I went to the lake with y'all. Did he? Yes. You're just not that. See, this nigga ain't got Batman. Okay, okay, alright. PS, a thousand dollars coming out your pocket. We will, we will continue this. Let's move to the next thing here, cuz this is... Nothing gives me more joy besides watching that take place

• 30:44Tom Segura?

  than upsetting and horrifying someone.

• 30:49Tom Segura?

  Stavros came on.

• 30:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 30:51Tom Segura?

  This was episode 711. And we showed him Norm's famous poutine. And it was one of my favorite things I've ever seen. This was so great.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  Cheese. No. Bit of a change in the recipe. No. Change the recipe. No, I don't want to change.

• 31:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fucking stresses me out, too.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  Bites, cheese. No. Pig shit and pig piss. Ooh, it's gonna be a treat. No.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  No.

• 31:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You ready?

• 31:30Speaker 03

  This guy's cocking a little fucking thing.

• 31:32Tom Segura?

  We got a little cage.

• 31:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  He passes through the cage.

• 31:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which, it's in his urethra, so I don't know how he's...

• 31:38Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, fuck. No, dude. Someone just mix that around. No.

• 31:44Tom Segura?

  Mix it up.

• 31:47Tom Segura?

  You gotta have all the ingredients.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  I take back what I said about his recipe. I don't wanna, no, no, no. Oh, no. No, no. Ow, fuck. No.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Fuck, dude, that's just not...

• 32:08Speaker 03

  That fucking sucks so much. Oh, my god. Why did it come out so fast? Why did it come out so fast? So gross.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Take the cheese. Jesus Christ. I literally...

• 32:28Speaker 03

  I don't even gag easy, dude, but that shit is fucked up.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  No, I don't want to eat it.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Don't eat it, Norm, please. I beg you, Norm, don't eat your own shit.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  No.

• 32:52Tom Segura?

  Oh, look at this gooey turd.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 33:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  So bad.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Why the fuck did it come out so fast? Why?

• 33:13Tom Segura?

  That was just.

• 33:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh god, it's stressing me out to re-watch that.

• 33:17Tom Segura?

  I know. It's also getting me primed for YMH Live. I just realized that we're gonna get more treats like this.

• 33:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you get the zing of excitement?

• 33:24Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 33:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I know.

• 33:25Tom Segura?

  Because every time that heavy segment starts, I'm like, ooh.

• 33:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  These clips get me so jazzed.

• 33:30Tom Segura?

  I might get sick here in a second, yeah.

• 33:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I think you and I are team jeans. May I take this moment to just promote my lipsticks? This is the perfect moment.

• 33:38Tom Segura?

  Perfect time, yeah.

• 33:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh, go ahead, guys. Buy your lipsticks at

• 33:40Tom Segura?

  Norm would like it.

• 33:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  ChristinaP.com. Today I'm wearing Madison, which is just like a light mauve sensation. And then I have Atomic Red, the Perfect Red, and Berlin. ChristinaP.com. File four at the same time for your lady, or for your gentleman, gentleman, that wears lipstick. By the way, I'm working on a new piece of art.

• 33:59Tom Segura?

  Oh, for fuck's sake.

• 34:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's really good.

• 34:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at that.

• 34:04Tom Segura?

  It's not buying her art.

• 34:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's, it's taken on a life of its own. People are now sending us art based on my art, like famous artists.

• 34:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 34:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's great. It's really a movement.

• 34:16Tom Segura?

  The choke.

• 34:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Anyway, that was an amazing time, Stavros.

• 34:21Tom Segura?

  It was incredible. Soon after that, by the way, it finally happened. It was something that we were all anticipating. We didn't know if it would ever happen. And that's when Garth Brooks blocked me finally on Instagram. You, by the way, the great fans, the listeners and viewers of this program, are the ones who got Garth to eventually go private on his. Accounts. He restricted all comments at some point because you literally took over all of his social media.

• 34:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Destroyed it.

• 34:52Tom Segura?

  Everywhere that it exists.

• 34:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Destroyed it.

• 34:53Tom Segura?

  You destroyed it. It was incredible that it happened, but it started with him blocking certain people, restricting comments. I got a few times where I had comments in there and, you know, they would get liked and commented on. And then it just, it all went to shit. He just refused to allow anybody in. He eventually, it happened on Instagram. Then you guys went over, took over his Facebook, his Twitter. He basically realized there was nowhere safe. And so that was really exciting.

• 35:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's breaking down the walls between us.

• 35:26Tom Segura?

  He's breaking down the walls between you and me.

• 35:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then he thought better of it.

• 35:28Tom Segura?

  And episode 725, something, which also is appropriate for this week, which is that we had Dan Soder on. Dan Soder is not just an incredible comedian and he's super talented in many regards. He also does what many people think is the best impression of Dave Chappelle.

• 35:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 35:48Tom Segura?

  He can actually, he really sounds like him.

• 35:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 35:52Tom Segura?

  And he just, he sounds like him and he also has the, like, not just the cadence down, but he'll speak the way, like, things he would say. It's pretty fucking impressive.

• 36:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's really cool.

• 36:03Tom Segura?

  What's the, I haven't heard you do it, but you do a good Chappelle?

• 36:08Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. We prank phone called Chappelle on Legion of Skanks.

• 36:12Tom Segura?

  You called him?

• 36:13Speaker 06

  No, we prank phone, sorry, we prank phone called a news, a Fox News producer that thought Louis Jay Gomez had given her Dave Chappelle's number, but she, he had given her Dave Smith's number. It's on YouTube and it's part of the episode, but I was just at home playing video games and they were like, hey, can you call this lady as Dave Chappelle? And she fucking bit, dude.

• 36:34Tom Segura?

  She bit hard.

• 36:34Speaker 06

  And it was like, I was trying to just keep talking about how important Louis was to comedy. Add different things in where I'd be like, I've heard he's got a very dangerous foot fetish. I wouldn't show you toes if I was around him. And she was like, oh my God, I think I was wearing open toed sandals.

• 36:55Speaker 06

  She was talking to Chappelle.

• 36:56Tom Segura?

  That's great, man.

• 36:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's amazing.

• 36:57Tom Segura?

  Were you always? Doing him like was

• 36:59Speaker 06

  I was I mean, I'm a massive Chappelle fan.

• 37:01Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 37:01Speaker 06

  In two thousand twelve at the cellar, I got blackout drunk and hung out with him. And I I was like telling him old bits he hadn't done on any specials. And I think it freaked him out and I and I've stayed away from him ever since.

• 37:13Tom Segura?

  Ever since.

• 37:14Speaker 06

  Cause I felt that moment where I was like, I think I think this is a lot. I was like, do you remember you used to the what white people eat bit was so much longer. And he was like, man, you know, my bits better than I do. But he did have, I had the coolest moment possibly ever in stand up. Speaking of cigarettes at the cellar that night, he got off stage and he come. He came and hung out at the table and he was sitting next to me, holding a cigarette. And I was like, I always wanted to know what kind of cigarettes. I've been like, I've been going to see you since I was sixteen.

• 37:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:45Speaker 06

  Just want to know what kind of cigarettes you smoke. And he was like, oh, I'll smoke American Spirits. And he handed me one. I was like, this is, we're at the table at the olive tree.

• 37:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 37:53Speaker 06

  Inside and I go, oh, you want to go smoke a cigarette? And he goes, mm, smoke right here. And I go, well, I can't because I need this place for rent. But you're Dave Chappelle, you can smoke here if you want to. And he goes, you can't if Dave Chappelle lights you cigarette.

• 38:09Speaker 06

  And I looked at Esti and Esti went like that. And I I took and I swear to God by the third drag.

• 38:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 38:16Speaker 06

  Every waiter and bartender was staring at me like fucking Soder gets to smoke inside. And I was like, this is fucking unbelievable. And I took a couple of hits and I put it in the

• 38:27Tom Segura?

  That's awesome.

• 38:28Speaker 06

  In like the ashtray and Esti was like, thank you.

• 38:30Tom Segura?

  I did, um, when I did, uh,

• 38:34Tom Segura?

  what was it the after, yeah, the after party of the Brady roast. We went up to the lounge inside and we're in, um, what's it called? What's the venue there? The the arena. Where you at? The, uh, the forum, we're in the forum. Yeah. So we're at the forum club, I guess. And it's just, it's the party and I see Dave and he he's like, he's like, hey, man, you know, let me get a cigarette. And I give it to him and I was like, uh, same kind of thing. I was like, we can smoke it here. He was like, so I was like, yeah, cool. So I light one up with him. Yeah. And then the bartender is like, you can't smoke here. And I was like, okay. And I just turned to Dave, I was like, they said we can't smoke here. And he was like,

• 39:18Tom Segura?

  So I, I was like, I'll put this out when you put it out.

• 39:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:21Tom Segura?

  He was like, I'll put it out when it's done. I was like, okay, cool. I was like, great.

• 39:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:26Tom Segura?

  I smoked, I like chuffed on that thing, cause I kinda felt bad, cause I was like, please? And then I just waited until he was done smoking.

• 39:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, cause there is a level of celebrity, like you're gonna tell Dave Chappelle.

• 39:37Tom Segura?

  It's the top tier level.

• 39:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  You're gonna tell Dave, it's like, you're gonna tell Tom Cruise to put the cigarette out?

• 39:43Tom Segura?

  Well, they kinda do. That's the thing is the guy didn't tell Dave. He told me.

• 39:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:48Tom Segura?

  He's like, you can't smoke here, and I was like.

• 39:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's why he's like, fuck, I don't give a shit.

• 39:51Tom Segura?

  He's right there.

• 39:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's wow. And also watching that Dan Soder clip makes you realize, like, when you meet your idol, when you meet your hero.

• 39:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  There is nothing cool to say.

• 40:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  You cannot talk about how much you love them, cause it's not gonna work. It's never gonna work. You have to talk about anything else except the shit that they've done.

• 40:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  As like a artist or whatever. You can't, you just can't, you can't dork out on them.

• 40:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's, um.

• 40:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, it's so embarrassing.

• 40:17Tom Segura?

  But the cool thing is though, that he actually has a great, he still has a great memory of it.

• 40:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 40:22Tom Segura?

  Cause you could have, I met my hero and it's a fucking disaster.

• 40:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I, I know.

• 40:26Tom Segura?

  And that wasn't that.

• 40:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's why I don't wanna meet Robert Smith from The Cure.

• 40:29Tom Segura?

  Oh, for fuck's sake, Robert Smith.

• 40:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  But if you wanted to dress like Robert.

• 40:32Tom Segura?

  Oh, stop. I can't believe you would even want to see something like that. Um, I mean, hey, he doesn't look good.

• 40:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  He does. He's still beautiful.

• 40:42Tom Segura?

  This is how women are different though.

• 40:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love Robert.

• 40:45Tom Segura?

  Is that you guys can still find someone attractive.

• 40:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 40:52Tom Segura?

  Even if it's not looking that great.

• 40:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, cause you know why? We have souls and we're not superficial shitheads.

• 40:58Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 40:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  You guys are the worst, men are the worst.

• 41:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we are like, I don't give a fuck about our soul.

• 41:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, you're the worst.

• 41:03Tom Segura?

  What's up with that tits itch?

• 41:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, let me leave this family and go bang a 20-year-old yoga instructor. See, he's so hot, he's cute. I love him, forever, forever.

• 41:12Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 41:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love Robert.

• 41:13Tom Segura?

  That's what you want.

• 41:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. Dude, he's so cool too.

• 41:16Tom Segura?

  I get that he's. Cool. Yeah, he is cool.

• 41:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's rad. But I mean, I think he's a solid citizen, too.

• 41:21Tom Segura?

  Is he wearing the perfect red?

• 41:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course he is. It was based on Robert Smith's red, the perfect red. I should send him some.

• 41:29Tom Segura?

  Do you like his voice?

• 41:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Love his voice. Of course. Wait till you time out.

• 41:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he's Robert Smith. He's like the father of all this. I love him. I love him.

• 41:38Tom Segura?

  He's definitely wearing a lot of lipstick there.

• 41:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 41:41Tom Segura?

  Eyeliner?

• 41:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's adorable. Of course.

• 41:43Tom Segura?

  You want to see me in eyeliner?

• 41:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do I?

• 41:46Tom Segura?

  Ah, for fuck's sake.

• 41:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'd love to. Black eyeliner.

• 41:48Tom Segura?

  Let's move on. The next episode that I think is notable, um, our former producer Nadav passed away. That was super sad.

• 41:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 41:57Tom Segura?

  He was, um, I think, eating a dreidel and then he, um, just

• 42:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 42:05Tom Segura?

  Fell down.

• 42:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:06Tom Segura?

  But...

• 42:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Rest in peace, Nadav.

• 42:11Tom Segura?

  We hope you're okay up in heaven. Um, it's just really sad, um, that he's dead.

• 42:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know. I miss him.

• 42:20Tom Segura?

  I miss him, too.

• 42:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at those tits I used to have. Those are my OG tits. Yeah. God, they were big.

• 42:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Today, I was at my house and I was like, why do I feel sad? This is weird. And I was really sad to lose Nadav. You've been in our lives like, yeah, since 2016, since the birth of our first child, but you were like our first retarded son.

• 42:41Tom Segura?

  We do have a lot of, uh, great memories of you and, um, we've actually put together a little, um, video.

• 42:48Speaker 06

  Oh, is this, this is either gonna make me cry or mad. What's, what's gonna happen?

• 42:51Tom Segura?

  No, I think you'll like it. It's nice. I think we should all watch this together.

• 42:55Speaker 06

  Oh, my God. My name is Nadav Itzkowicz. I am a producer here at YMH Studios. Get ready to have a good, fun show in Chomesh. Alba Shalosh. I'm...

• 43:08Tom Segura?

  You don't think he's okay?

• 43:09Speaker 06

  You think he went to work the next day?

• 43:11Tom Segura?

  I think he's totally fine.

• 43:13Speaker 06

  You can't get too much cum in those balls. You get too much cum and you're battered.

• 43:17Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 43:18Speaker 06

  What amount of money would you pay to permanently hurt?

• 43:21Tom Segura?

  I don't want to permanently hurt you. I want to do...

• 43:23Speaker 06

  You just want to hurt me bad? One.

• 43:26Speaker 06

  Have you ever fallen in love, Nadav? Yes. What were the attributes that person had that made you...

• 43:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You fall in love. I think it was talking shit to me. You surround yourself with such.

• 43:36Tom Segura?

  What is your favorite movie?

• 43:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So the story is about Nick Cannon. Oh, my God. You got a nice haircut. Oh, yeah.

• 43:43Tom Segura?

  I threatened to show you somebody getting very severely hurt.

• 43:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I don't like those, dude.

• 43:47Tom Segura?

  Me neither. It's the hardest I've ever heard Nadav laugh. That's the hardest I've ever heard Nadav laugh.

• 43:56Tom Segura?

  I am a fucking Jew.

• 44:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mort knows I'm not a fan of this Jay shit.

• 44:02Tom Segura?

  What's your new name gonna be?

• 44:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Patty, Patty O'Callahan. Let's get Nadav baptized.

• 44:06Tom Segura?

  The fun bit. You need some up dog.

• 44:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's up, dog?

• 44:11Tom Segura?

  Mosh, what's up with you, dog?

• 44:14Tom Segura?

  You're fucking dead.

• 44:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  You wanna kill him. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just an outside dog who keeps shitting inside.

• 44:21Tom Segura?

  You deserve it all, the kicks, the screams, the blood.

• 44:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look, and he's having such a good time.

• 44:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look how happy you made him. Did Nadav do bad? Why does he have a job?

• 44:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:48Tom Segura?

  Hurry up and find that shit.

• 44:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  You fucking Jew.

• 44:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh. Oh.

• 45:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that was pretty good.

• 45:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  So many great moments with Nadav.

• 45:03Tom Segura?

  So many good ones.

• 45:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  My favorite part, I have two favorite memories about Nadav. Number one, that his favorite movie, like the movie he watches over and over, is Drumline.

• 45:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, starring Nick Cannon, yeah.

• 45:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and I watched it just to see what all the big stink is.

• 45:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not very good.

• 45:19Tom Segura?

  It's not a good movie.

• 45:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not a good movie, and I love Nick Cannon, I like the idea. It's stupid. Number two, remember when we were in the Reseda? It was during COVID, and it was hard to come by getting the vaccine. And you had to be a certain weight to be considered morbidly obese to get the vaccine early.

• 45:39Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he was like, I'm working on my vaccine weight. I'm gonna become morbidly obese to get the vaccine. I'm in a gain phase.

• 45:49Speaker 06

  I'm gonna be laughing so much.

• 45:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  He would be like, how you doing? How's your weight? He's like, I'm almost there.

• 45:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  God bless him. Rest in peace.

• 45:57Tom Segura?

  Rest in peace, Nadav. There's a, oh, another one that was fantastic. And I ended up meeting her was remember the coffee girl?

• 46:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 46:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so the, the.

• 46:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sweetest.

• 46:08Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God. That was also in the last hundred where she came in here because we had read comments where people were. That's where hate from came. Hate from Australia. Hate from all these places in the world. That was just like unbelievable that we. And then I actually, she came to Austin. She came in studio. I went to the gym with her. She was really, really sweet. And she's in Toronto. She has her, her coffee business, but that was.

• 46:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  The sweetest.

• 46:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, was it Caitlin?

• 46:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Caitlin. She's so sweet and her coffee is fantastic.

• 46:40Tom Segura?

  And she just made like sincere videos like this is how I start my day. People were like, I hate you.

• 46:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  Waking up.

• 46:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 46:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just so sweet, so innocent.

• 46:48Tom Segura?

  It was really crazy, man.

• 46:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  There she is. Sweetheart.

• 46:51Speaker 05

  It's coffee for living. Let's get this day started on the right note and head to the gym. I love getting up bright and early like this when it's still dark. The world is still asleep.

• 46:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  So sweet.

• 46:58Speaker 05

  It's quiet. It really feels like a life hack. Like you're getting extra hours in your day. So I love waking up early and getting some work in. Going to do some boxing and some bench press. I am super weak, so we gotta build some strength here. Following the gym, it is coffee time, baby. We're gonna start by making a hot latte for Papa Street Brew. Even though I have converted him to iced espressos, but we're gonna make an iced espresso for me. Do a little outfit change and outfit check for a video that we're gonna post. And then it's time to sit in the office, do a couple of calls and do some work. Bonus points, find some clients you can talk sneakers with on your calls. Cause I mean, that's the best way to do things, right? After spending most of the morning in Zoom calls and doing some admin work, it's time to start filming some content and making some more coffee. So we're gonna do some drip coffee, some pour overs, some espresso stuff as well.

• 47:40Tom Segura?

  I think we get it. So it was that, this is like that vlog cadence that also people wanted to die with.

• 47:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah, please delete your account.

• 47:51Tom Segura?

  He would say such mean shit to her, but she ended up being, of course, like the sweetest.

• 47:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  The nicest, probably one of the sweetest guests we've ever had. Hate from Australia.

• 48:00Tom Segura?

  Then we had, that was so funny.

• 48:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  She was delightful.

• 48:02Tom Segura?

  We had a run of some incredible guests that came in and Jesse Lee Peterson came in.

• 48:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 48:09Tom Segura?

  Then Gene Simmons and then Will Blunderfell, one of the coolest guys.

• 48:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  So many gets this year.

• 48:15Tom Segura?

  Oh my god, it was just like.

• 48:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just like the gays.

• 48:18Tom Segura?

  Just like the gays.

• 48:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  How much fun was Gene Simmons too? I mean, he really came. If you love your penis, your self-esteem goes up. I mean.

• 48:25Tom Segura?

  That's also true.

• 48:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Will changed my life. Like getting to meet him in person and feel his aura and to feel his love and presence. I just think he's such a special human being.

• 48:36Tom Segura?

  He is a special human being.

• 48:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's really amazing.

• 48:39Tom Segura?

  Then shortly thereafter that ICP came on. Now, one of the building blocks, the foundations of this show, if you don't know, is. You know what I'm saying? And we have always done. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying's super cuts, right?

• 49:03Tom Segura?

  And these guys came in, well, not these guys, sorry. At this time, wasn't it just the, was it both?

• 49:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it was both.

• 49:10Tom Segura?

  That's right, because the first time it was just one.

• 49:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 49:13Tom Segura?

  Well, they came in and we got to do after their appearance, their appearance, excuse me, the, maybe the supercut of supercuts.

• 49:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 49:23Tom Segura?

  Which was a you know what I'm saying, supercut from these guys that was just unbelievable. They, they dropped so many you know what I'm saying's that we had to spend hours going through this and putting together. By the way, this supercut of you know what I'm saying, doesn't even have all the you know what I'm saying's. They had to like whittle it down just to get the proper you know what I'm saying, supercut going. So we have that for you.

• 49:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my god.

• 49:52Tom Segura?

  You know what I'm saying? It's because of his hair and shit, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying?

• 50:00Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

• 50:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:05Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying?

• 50:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:07Speaker 06

  You know what I mean?

• 50:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're incredible.

• 50:09Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying?

• 50:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  I agree.

• 50:11Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean?

• 50:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:12Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying?

• 50:13Tom Segura?

  Gay.

• 50:14Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

• 50:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  But Shaggy.

• 50:17Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying.

• 50:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:19Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying?

• 50:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:20Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? As a stripper or anything. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? There's, you know what I'm saying? But. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? So. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

• 50:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:30Tom Segura?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 50:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's what you're saying?

• 50:33Tom Segura?

  Unbelievable.

• 50:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 50:34Tom Segura?

  That was, yeah.

• 50:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was, you know what I'm saying? Supercuts of, you know what I'm saying?

• 50:38Tom Segura?

  That's the best. I don't think you can make another one after that.

• 50:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  No. That episode was explosive. We also got that supercut. But don't forget, that's where we learned that going airtight is gay.

• 50:50Tom Segura?

  It is, uh, according to some.

• 50:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a some.

• 50:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, that's, you know, airtight really was a thing that we really wanted to dig deep in.

• 51:01Tom Segura?

  We've had conversations with people who had had threesomes and we thought, what more could you want? And it turns out, one more is what you want sometimes. And so, um, some women opt for every hole to be plugged. And, and through that conversation, it led to us meeting, um, Airtight Abby. And Abby, uh, called into the show and she, uh, gave explicit details about her exploits. And she was a very adventurous person.

• 51:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is this, was Abby the one where she went and she had sex with all the black guys?

• 51:36Tom Segura?

  That's the one.

• 51:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  On the team? Yeah.

• 51:38Tom Segura?

  That is the one.

• 51:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was wild.

• 51:40Tom Segura?

  Then she told another story that kind of made us all sad.

• 51:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I had to get it that way.

• 51:44Tom Segura?

  But yeah, she thinks, I think she met a guy at the club and she took him back to the, or went back to his place. And then eventually people started walking out of their, of the apartment. And they're like, can I get in on this? She was, sure. But Airtight Abby was, was, yeah.

• 51:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what a find.

• 51:59Tom Segura?

  It was such a cool story.

• 52:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause you and I couldn't believe that people did it in real life.

• 52:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 52:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause it sounded so incredible.

• 52:05Tom Segura?

  It sounds like such, you know, adult film like.

• 52:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 52:08Tom Segura?

  Like just fantasy, you know, not real.

• 52:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who gets to do that?

• 52:11Tom Segura?

  She was like, no, I did it. I did it.

• 52:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  This generation, boy, they get it all.

• 52:14Tom Segura?

  They get it all. Airtight Abby.

• 52:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Airtight.

• 52:16Tom Segura?

  Really, really sweet girl. I had the opportunity to meet her and.

• 52:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You did.

• 52:22Tom Segura?

  You don't remember that?

• 52:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 52:23Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, I didn't.

• 52:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  You didn't go airtight on her?

• 52:26Tom Segura?

  No, I didn't. I didn't. No. There was an option to meet her somewhere.

• 52:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't. You were like, no, thanks.

• 52:33Tom Segura?

  No, I believe you said, no, thanks.

• 52:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was like, don't you meet airtight.

• 52:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's how that went.

• 52:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  How dare you? Just a jealous lady.

• 52:42Tom Segura?

  No, she's, I'm sure she's, I'm sure she's a sweetheart.

• 52:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  But the best moment with these two, the ICP guys are the best. Yeah, I was like, you guys don't go airtight with each other? And he was like, what? Oh, no, that's gay.

• 52:54Tom Segura?

  Such a good. There's so many

• 52:58Tom Segura?

  crazy things that happened, obviously, over the, these, these years. But another thing is that, you know, we had our suspicions, but we learned that our very own technical director, Annie, is a really high level sociopath.

• 53:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:16Tom Segura?

  I don't know if I describe it like that. Fartgate 2024 was such a revelation. I've never seen, like, the episodes of the first 48 that I've seen all made more sense. When Annie was pressed with a crime because he was so believable. It was just insane. And it turned out he was just a huge fucking liar.

• 53:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a liar and he's a good liar.

• 53:39Tom Segura?

  Good one.

• 53:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I was siding with him for the, for years. I've been on Annie's side. Not anymore, bro.

• 53:46Tom Segura?

  That's not nice.

• 53:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fool me once.

• 53:47Tom Segura?

  I did nothing. I know that whole time I was like. You know how fucking crazy AI is these days? I was like, man, what does Chad have against him? Like, it was just crazy to me.

• 53:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:58Tom Segura?

  And what, what Chad had against them is that Annie's a fucking liar.

• 54:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's a liar and Chad was right. Chad was just being an honest, good boy.

• 54:05Tom Segura?

  And the whole staff was like, yeah. And then Annie was like, man, these motherfuckers are all lying.

• 54:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 54:09Tom Segura?

  This is crazy.

• 54:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you realize, like, we got, we have him on tape farting? And then he has the audacity to deny it to his bosses? And then to millions of people who watch this program?

• 54:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is other level sociopathy.

• 54:26Tom Segura?

  It was huge.

• 54:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Which is exactly why you're employee of the month.

• 54:30Tom Segura?

  And he also, he did this crazy reveal.

• 54:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  You belong here.

• 54:34Tom Segura?

  Where like, remember the video played? And I thought we were gonna.

• 54:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, exonerate him.

• 54:38Tom Segura?

  Yes. And it was just like, ha, ha, I got you guys.

• 54:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well.

• 54:42Tom Segura?

  This guy is nuts.

• 54:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's out of his fucking mind. And here's the.

• 54:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, okay, we don't believe you.

• 54:49Tom Segura?

  Didn't he deny it even after we he showed that video? Didn't he bring it up at the Christmas party, Tom? Denying it, I'm still denying it. Denying it to your face right now. Yeah. I wouldn't do that, bro. Bro, look at AI, bro. You don't we don't know what the fuck is real anymore. I didn't do shit.

• 55:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not that good.

• 55:06Tom Segura?

  And I don't know who hired that shit, but it's ridiculous, man. But I saw it with my own eyes. I'm done with that shit. I don't see in AI. Is this when we first saw this video? Is that what this is? Oh, no, this is the video that you're talking about.

• 55:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  The surveillance?

• 55:19Tom Segura?

  The surveillance or the his reveal? This is his reveal. Okay, okay, yeah, let's see. I forgot some of it, actually.

• 55:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, blocked it out. Traumatic.

• 55:30Tom Segura?

  What the fuck? Was that you?

• 55:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm?

• 55:36Tom Segura?

  I think Annie just farted into the mic.

• 55:38Speaker 03

  Oh, my goodness, this is crazy.

• 55:39Tom Segura?

  This is fucking crazy, dude. Well, are you still rolling on? Jesus Christ, bro. Giving a new meaning to gaslight. Hey, you're talking over the video, man.

• 55:50Tom Segura?

  Is that real? Is what real?

• 55:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  What happened there, Annie?

• 55:54Tom Segura?

  What do you mean? The, bro, it's all narrated. This is what Chad does. He's a fucking, he's a documentary. He's a fucking documentary film professor.

• 56:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 56:03Tom Segura?

  In what way did I narrate this? You put the text on the thing. It's black video. You played a fart. I'm transcribing the actual audio. Yeah, but you're what you're doing is setting it up so that it makes sense to your story, but it's a not true story.

• 56:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what?

• 56:18Tom Segura?

  You're just fucking putting it out. So was that fart? Did that fart happen in that moment or no? I mean, see, the thing about these is like, I don't remember, I don't even know what recording that was. Yes, he does. Here's the thing. He went in and deleted this audio, but what he doesn't know is that I back up the audio onto a separate hard drive that he didn't have access to. Yeah, so you just happen to have the footage that both you edited and this backup. Zolo, you don't remember this day?

• 56:45Tom Segura?

  Cause you're.

• 56:45Speaker 03

  I think I need to stay a neutral party in this matter until all the evidence been presented.

• 56:49Tom Segura?

  Okay, but you did hear yourself in there.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was there.

• 56:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but your honor, I feel like because we didn't see the conversation that Annie has a good point, like anybody can go.

• 57:00Tom Segura?

  He could just play a fart.

• 57:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, and then he could have had them be actors. See him standing up. Create a moment.

• 57:06Tom Segura?

  And Cougar would say, holy.

• 57:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Any fart for no reason? That's something, maybe he wrote the script and then they recorded it over.

• 57:13Tom Segura?

  I don't think that that happened there. But that wasn't Cougar. So this, yeah, this, if you watch this and you don't immediately have more respect for what law enforcement goes through.

• 57:24Tom Segura?

  They have to deal with this shit all the time. Yeah.

• 57:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like he lies, yeah.

• 57:28Tom Segura?

  Like professionals, like him.

• 57:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's, that's part of being a good criminal is lying. And post script to this whole thing, now any apparently just farts with reckless abandon.

• 57:38Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, of course.

• 57:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  All the time.

• 57:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you even take, do you take credit for the farts now?

• 57:43Tom Segura?

  What farts, bro?

• 57:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my god.

• 57:45Tom Segura?

  Put me on tape, fam. Get me on tape, please.

• 57:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  We had it on tape.

• 57:48Tom Segura?

  Get me on live. You put yourself on tape doing it? No, I didn't. That was AI, bro. You know how good AI is these days. This is crazy, man.

• 57:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's compulsive.

• 57:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  He cannot help himself with the lies. You can't help yourself, can you, you sicko?

• 58:04Tom Segura?

  Fartgate was, uh, it was.

• 58:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Fartgate, and then the lying about what the bet was on the last thing we talked about, like, oh, he said it was, or any amount of money.

• 58:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, then this is him right here, just going.

• 58:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:22Tom Segura?

  Like, where is that? That ain't my house. That ain't what my house looks like.

• 58:33Tom Segura?

  And we'll see you next week.

• 58:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bye, mommy.

• 58:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did you fart? No. Who farted? Did you hear a fart?

• 58:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 58:51Tom Segura?

  Jesus.

• 58:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep. Because you always talk about how disrespectful it is, like, all the time. You're like, it's so disrespectful to fart in front of him.

• 58:58Tom Segura?

  He loves that line. He's like, the level of disrespect, man. What's this accent? Hey, yo.

• 59:06Tom Segura?

  He's like, hey, man.

• 59:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, man.

• 59:07Tom Segura?

  We disrespect brother like that. Shit ain't nice. This is crazy. This reminds, that, right there, that, what we just saw.

• 59:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:16Tom Segura?

  If that doesn't remind you of Presumed Innocent, the incredible debut of Edward Norton as an actor with Richard Gere, where he's accused of killing that priest, and then you, and he's like, he's all fucking, you know.

• 59:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 59:31Tom Segura?

  The whole movie and then at the end, he's like, I convinced them all, didn't I? And you're like, oh my fucking god. It was exactly like that.

• 59:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Give him his Oscar.

• 59:39Tom Segura?

  Give him his Oscar or just sentence him, sentence him to 25 years in prison. Because that's a fucking career criminal right there.

• 59:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is he doing in his off time? Don't you think if he's lying this much to his employers?

• 59:50Tom Segura?

  He's probably doing foot job review videos. I don't know.

• 59:54Tom Segura?

  Crazy, crazy.

• 59:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yep, typical.

• 59:58Tom Segura?

  Typical, typical. Typical what?

• 1:00:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Typical any. Lies.

• 1:00:02Tom Segura?

  Usual suspects, you know what I'm saying? Oh, here it is.

• 1:00:08Tom Segura?

  Ah shit.

• 1:00:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, I stood up for you. You saw it on tape.

• 1:00:13Tom Segura?

  Man, you were part of the bit.

• 1:00:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I wasn't.

• 1:00:18Tom Segura?

  You were part of the bit?

• 1:00:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, eventually, yeah. He told, he admitted, sorry, I forgot to tell you that part.

• 1:00:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah, hold up now, bro.

• 1:00:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I was like, any, they're totally, because we were off, this is off camera. I was like, any, they're totally, they're totally ganging up on you. Is this true? Like, I was so doe eyed and I came up to him and he was like, yeah, I farted. And I was like, what? And I was shattered, right? Do you remember that day? I was fucking shattered.

• 1:00:42Tom Segura?

  I'm kind of shattered now. You were smiling.

• 1:00:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  I was shattered. I was heartbroken and then I was like, let's keep fucking with Tom now.

• 1:00:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I forgot, sorry, I fucked it up.

• 1:00:56Tom Segura?

  You just remembered right now?

• 1:00:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:59Tom Segura?

  Cool.

• 1:01:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Just like that time when you left town and I, I put a hole in the wall to get the hamster out of the wall. I was behind you at dinner. It's two sneaky things I did this year to you.

• 1:01:10Tom Segura?

  Jesus Christ. And then there's, um.

• 1:01:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or last year.

• 1:01:12Tom Segura?

  Chris Larson's video came in.

• 1:01:15Speaker 06

  Ice cold Pepsi. Cheers.

• 1:01:19Tom Segura?

  He's the only Pepsi guy here.

• 1:01:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:21Tom Segura?

  Crazy.

• 1:01:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody likes Pepsi except for Chris. It's so funny.

• 1:01:24Speaker 06

  Swag water.

• 1:01:25Tom Segura?

  I told you what it is, right?

• 1:01:28Speaker 06

  I don't care.

• 1:01:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, but if he kills me.

• 1:01:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You should.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  Doctor said drink water.

• 1:01:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, drink water, dummy.

• 1:01:36Tom Segura?

  He loves Pepsi.

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  He quit smoking. Fuck that.

• 1:01:41Speaker 04

  I do what I want. If he kills me, kills me.

• 1:01:44Tom Segura?

  You got free will. You can do that. Those are big gulps, too.

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  I have new patches even though I get diabetes. Give a fuck.

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  Doctor said drink water. Fuck that.

• 1:01:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, but I would see people like him in radiation. They don't hold up very well after treatment for these things. You don't want to start your life that way.

• 1:02:05Tom Segura?

  It's crazy. You know, we've been sharing those haircut.

• 1:02:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my gosh. You and I have been passing each other these videos, these awful haircut videos.

• 1:02:13Tom Segura?

  You know Andy Milonakis, right?

• 1:02:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, of course.

• 1:02:15Tom Segura?

  So he's been around forever. He still looks 13 or whatever. He's done a lot of funny shit, but I saw this.

• 1:02:25Speaker 05

  Oh, haircutting place.

• 1:02:27Tom Segura?

  He's in Italy.

• 1:02:28Speaker 05

  This is it. Hello, how you doing? Do you guys have any appointments open for tonight? Yeah?

• 1:02:36Speaker 05

  Okay, thank you so much. How many prefer the cut? Well, I just got a haircut like a couple of days ago, but they didn't cut enough. I want to keep it shaggy, but maybe a little less fluff, maybe like three or four inches in the back.

• 1:02:53Speaker 05

  It's still really shaggy on the front, but it's not really long on the back. What is your job? My job is to be a clown. A clown? I'm a hired clown.

• 1:03:03Tom Segura?

  So wait, so he's in Italy, clearly like walks into a place, tells him what he wants. Hold on.

• 1:03:16Speaker 05

  Okay, thank you.

• 1:03:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:03:24Speaker 05

  Bella.

• 1:03:25Tom Segura?

  Bella.

• 1:03:31Tom Segura?

  He's like, "You're a beautiful woman."

• 1:03:36Tom Segura?

  He gave her the fucking middle-aged administration lady at a public high school.

• 1:03:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Terrible cut. And he thought it was a lady.

• 1:03:46Tom Segura?

  I thought he like, he goes, I like when he sees, he goes, "Mmm, this is interesting."

• 1:03:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sucks so bad. Oh my God. That's all you can do.

• 1:04:01Speaker 05

  Okay, thank you.

• 1:04:02Tom Segura?

  Thank, thank, thank you.

• 1:04:05Speaker 05

  Perfect.

• 1:04:06Tom Segura?

  Perfect. Nice lady.

• 1:04:10Tom Segura?

  Bella.

• 1:04:18Tom Segura?

  Oh shit, that made me laugh. Fuck.

• 1:04:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the worst. It's like the helmet. It's, it's terrible.

• 1:04:24Tom Segura?

  It's the sad lady shut it down fucking haircut.

• 1:04:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's the shut it down menopause cut. This is why I stick with the same hairdresser, Alan Martinez, shout out for the last fucking 20 some years. You know, one time when I was in England,

• 1:04:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I couldn't see Alan. And I went in to get a haircut and I was like, "Just like a bob? Like I've always had a bob? Just give me like a shorter bob, okay?" Yeah. This fucking cunt rag cut my hair like meow, like the, like so, like a mushroom, meow, like this fucking short.

• 1:04:56Tom Segura?

  The thing, you don't realize until you see it, how much hair informs.

• 1:04:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's everything.

• 1:05:00Tom Segura?

  Like this looks like a sad lady, right? Like that's what he looks like now.

• 1:05:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  He didn't know that was a boy. He didn't know that was like a gentleman, a gentleman.

• 1:05:09Tom Segura?

  He had no idea.

• 1:05:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  He gave him the prettiest old lady haircut.

• 1:05:11Tom Segura?

  Bellissima. You are sexy still. Don't let anybody tell you you are not.

• 1:05:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  But also very rare that they straighten out curly hair unless you say, "I want straight hair." He's naturally wavy. They should have cut the hair wavy. It's crazy.

• 1:05:27Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:05:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  God, that's so upsetting.

• 1:05:29Tom Segura?

  You remember a few weeks ago, we were all, the whole world was really taken by this, right?

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  Uh, Hitler hailing the Nazis. I, I really don't think that he was, uh, because I honestly think that Hitler was a good guy based upon my own research, not.

• 1:05:43Tom Segura?

  My own research.

• 1:05:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's always your own research.

• 1:05:45Tom Segura?

  I didn't fucking listen to it. So he's, we were all like, this is last we're gonna see of Bryce Mitchell. It's not.

• 1:05:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank God.

• 1:05:54Tom Segura?

  He is out there and uh, he um.

• 1:05:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Keep going Bryce.

• 1:05:59Tom Segura?

  The best thing is that this begins with what you believe is addressing this video, right?

• 1:06:06Speaker 06

  And everybody is just totally talking shit about me because of how stupid I am. Let me explain myself a little bit better because this is what I meant by what I said.

• 1:06:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:06:15Speaker 06

  Um, and I think nobody's gonna disagree once I explain it. I stated that you can prove the earth don't rotate because you can take a helicopter, hover it at twenty thousand feet for twenty-four hours and come back down in the same spot. Now everybody said, "Oh, a helicopter has inertia." I know what inertia is dude, I'm not stupid. Let me tell you what I mean. Here is a picture of the circle of the earth supposedly, if you believe in a globe. And the red circle is the helicopter. When the helicopter ascends above the earth's surface, it now has a larger flight path around the earth. As in, when the earth, the inside circle, the black circle does one full rotation,

• 1:07:01Speaker 06

  the red circle, or the flight of the helicopter, actually has to cover more distance to get back to the same spot.

• 1:07:08Tom Segura?

  What?

• 1:07:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Helicopter can't fly around the earth. I don't understand what this fucking hillbilly's saying.

• 1:07:14Speaker 06

  That's what I meant, okay? If you don't understand geometry of spheres and circles, that's gonna go right over your head, but uh, what I said makes perfect sense.

• 1:07:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:27Speaker 06

  And uh, I'm actually a lot smarter than a lot of y'all think. Some of y'all can't even keep up with me, that's the sad part. This is basic geometry. Some of y'all might not be able to understand what I'm saying.

• 1:07:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm one of them.

• 1:07:38Speaker 06

  But God bless you and keep doing your own research because there is no proof that the earth rotates. Uh, that's a lie from the devil. And uh, keep thinking what you want, calling me stupid, but I know geometry, I know inertia. Uh, an object in motion stays in motion. If I put my foot up your ass, it's gonna keep going up your ass till I stop it. How about that buddy?

• 1:07:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's cool that his little kid gets to hear this stuff too.

• 1:08:04Tom Segura?

  Well, he's gonna get that firsthand education.

• 1:08:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, you gotta do your own research, Tom.

• 1:08:09Tom Segura?

  It's always good when somebody leads with that.

• 1:08:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your own research.

• 1:08:12Tom Segura?

  Have you done your own research?

• 1:08:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, what, you just internet stuff, like weird articles?

• 1:08:17Tom Segura?

  Nothing about... Life on Earth makes me think that it's round or rotating.

• 1:08:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why, why are they so against the, the Earth being round? What is that?

• 1:08:26Tom Segura?

  Cause the, they told us that, something they want us.

• 1:08:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Scientists?

• 1:08:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Just trying to get us to fucking believe stupid shit.

• 1:08:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is it anti-Christian or something, the Earth being round?

• 1:08:36Tom Segura?

  He said the devil at one point, so.

• 1:08:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, so Satan's in charge of the roundness of things, of the Earth? Is that what it is?

• 1:08:43Tom Segura?

  Maybe.

• 1:08:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so weird. I don't know why they don't...

• 1:08:45Tom Segura?

  He's so content, though. That's the thing about being dumb.

• 1:08:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:48Tom Segura?

  That is like, it's really, I think, satisfying is that...

• 1:08:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's enviable.

• 1:08:52Tom Segura?

  You believe your own dumb thoughts and then you're so pleased with yourself.

• 1:08:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:08:55Tom Segura?

  You know?

• 1:08:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  I've thought about that for my whole life.

• 1:08:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  If I could just be a little dumber, how much happier I'd be.

• 1:09:02Tom Segura?

  You...

• 1:09:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Or maybe a...

• 1:09:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah?

• 1:09:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yep.

• 1:09:06Tom Segura?

  It's, he's, um, he's not the brightest guy, but yeah.

• 1:09:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, and it says in... Women are stupid. The Earth is a circle, Isaiah 40, verse 22, whatever, made with a compass, yeah. Laid upon a face which is bounded as it ends, it does not move, and is covered by a dome contain... So this is like the biblical conception of cosmology, whatever. It's silly, though. This is...

• 1:09:33Tom Segura?

  That's my own research.

• 1:09:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I hate everything.

• 1:09:35Tom Segura?

  Do your own research, bro.

• 1:09:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do your own research. Draw your own diagrams, fucking dummy.

• 1:09:40Tom Segura?

  Do your own research. That's, that's kind of like the... That's usually like the first thing that people who, um, are really dumb lead with.

• 1:09:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  They do their own research.

• 1:09:51Tom Segura?

  I do my own research.

• 1:09:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, what are you talking about? Anyway, I, I can't. I can't, Tom.

• 1:09:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can we, can we switch topics here for a moment? He's the only dad I've ever known.

• 1:10:03Tom Segura?

  It kinda makes you think of Stevie.

• 1:10:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think it is Stevie.

• 1:10:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:10:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, he sounds like... That's where I get my name Snake from. I ain't afraid of him.

• 1:10:13Speaker 06

  Never have been, except whenever I was a kid.

• 1:10:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Speaker 06

  People get mad, they get over it, you know, they realize stuff later on down the road.

• 1:10:25Tom Segura?

  Do your own research.

• 1:10:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Yeah. He also had this, this is another one. What's your issue with seat belts?

• 1:10:32Speaker 06

  Uh, seat belts, I think it's just like a, like you get to choose if you want to wear a seatbelt. The government doesn't, you know, they don't wipe my ass for me and they don't, they shouldn't be able to tell me if I want to wear a seatbelt. I personally don't like them because I think, uh, what if you gotta jump out of the car and roll, you know, duck and roll? Nobody ever thinks about that.

• 1:10:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody.

• 1:10:49Speaker 06

  Um, so I don't personally wear a seatbelt, but I grew up, my mom never wore one. Um, I just don't believe in them and it's not up to the government to decide if I should wear a seatbelt or not. So that's just my view on it and that's why I don't wear them, but maybe, uh, you know, I strap my baby in, you know, I strap Tucker in.

• 1:11:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Why?

• 1:11:08Speaker 06

  But I just don't like wearing them. I like the maneuverability.

• 1:11:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maneuverability.

• 1:11:13Tom Segura?

  It's crazy too, when someone this dumb is this good at fighting because he can kick 99% of people's asses on earth. So it's like, you could argue with like the dumbest fucking guy you've ever met and then he could just kill you.

• 1:11:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah. But that's because God only gives you one or two talents tops.

• 1:11:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You can't be all things. You gotta choose one or two lanes and just stay in your lane.

• 1:11:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  You shouldn't be a podcaster if you're this stupid. You really can't.

• 1:11:38Tom Segura?

  I'm, I'm glad that he's putting this out there.

• 1:11:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  For us, yes.

• 1:11:40Tom Segura?

  I feel like this is gonna be a real well of, of information.

• 1:11:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  If he continues fighting.

• 1:11:46Tom Segura?

  I think he's going to.

• 1:11:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  If he gets sponsors.

• 1:11:48Tom Segura?

  The engagement's gonna be, it has to be crazy for him.

• 1:11:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sure.

• 1:11:51Tom Segura?

  Of course, it's not that positive, but yeah.

• 1:11:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:54Tom Segura?

  You do see though, that a lot of people are on board with him.

• 1:11:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:11:57Tom Segura?

  There are people who are like, fuck yeah, people trying to tell you that earth rotates. Fucking bullshit.

• 1:12:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  The man telling me to wear a seatbelt.

• 1:12:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, good for him.

• 1:12:07Tom Segura?

  If you gotta stop, drop and roll.

• 1:12:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God. Stop, drop and roll. What if the car rolls? Is he driving like the Jeep with no doors?

• 1:12:13Tom Segura?

  I don't fucking know. I don't know.

• 1:12:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta tuck and roll.

• 1:12:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, oh, I wanted to get to this so we don't run out of timeline.

• 1:12:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because it is a timely topic and I wanted to go there because the mom world is ablaze with the new Ilaria Hillary Baldwin.

• 1:12:32Tom Segura?

  Alec Baldwin.

• 1:12:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Alec Baldwin Show on TLC. Now, I haven't watched a full episode, but I thought we could go through some of the footage. I mean, look how handsome he was when they started together.

• 1:12:42Tom Segura?

  Dating, yeah, a while ago, yeah.

• 1:12:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:48Speaker 05

  Seven children.

• 1:12:49Tom Segura?

  Seven.

• 1:12:50Speaker 05

  Six animals.

• 1:12:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 1:12:51Speaker 05

  Two parents.

• 1:12:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  How many nannies?

• 1:12:53Speaker 05

  Wild family. Why are we eating chocolate? Get off your phone. Okay. Don't be in that pool. Gross. What's the matter? Happy face.

• 1:13:03Speaker 05

  A son lost his mom in the most unthinkable tragedy. This is never something to forget.

• 1:13:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, little Latin there.

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  And trying to parent through it.

• 1:13:18Speaker 04

  Honestly, from the bottom of my soul, I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you and these kids.

• 1:13:27Speaker 05

  It's okay, just ignore him. We've had bad moments, but we've found our foundation. She says you should look like this.

• 1:13:38Speaker 05

  We're solid and we're here together.

• 1:13:41Tom Segura?

  Together. Together. We're solid and we're here, pero together. Somos juntos.

• 1:13:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  He looks like hot dog shit.

• 1:13:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I mean, he doesn't look the same. He's also, how old is Alec Baldwin? He's got to be in his 60s, right? Is he in his 60s now?

• 1:13:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  At least, but he was, can I tell you about the great tragedy?

• 1:13:58Tom Segura?

  He's 66. He's 66 years old.

• 1:14:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but the great tragedy is how hot he was. I mean, I had such a crush on him as a teenage girl.

• 1:14:06Tom Segura?

  He's a movie star.

• 1:14:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  The marrying man, I think. Look him up in that movie, The Marryin'.

• 1:14:10Tom Segura?

  Alec Baldwin, 1989, 1990.

• 1:14:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  God.

• 1:14:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:14:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Him with Kim Basinger, Bassinger, the two of them were together.

• 1:14:17Tom Segura?

  That's right.

• 1:14:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  God damn, couldn't there be a more attractive couple?

• 1:14:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's a very good-looking guy.

• 1:14:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stunning.

• 1:14:23Tom Segura?

  He was, um... He played Jack Ryan in that, you know, those uh

• 1:14:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  With his scarf. This is so cute.

• 1:14:32Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:14:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, the whole, all the Baldwins are hot.

• 1:14:34Tom Segura?

  Good looking guys, man.

• 1:14:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then I think having seven kids on top of this accident thing must have just aged him in dog years.

• 1:14:42Tom Segura?

  And he's really good, by the way. Not just a good looking guy. He's a really good actor.

• 1:14:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:45Tom Segura?

  He's done, oh, of course Beetlejuice.

• 1:14:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Beetlejuice, my favorite. And he's got a great voice, that gravel voice.

• 1:14:51Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah. It's like he speaks in like that.

• 1:14:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. He narrates on that Wes Anderson, the Tenenbaums. Look at that chest. Hairy chest. Oof.

• 1:15:00Tom Segura?

  That's a man right there.

• 1:15:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, dog.

• 1:15:02Tom Segura?

  I'm looking at that and right underneath it, it says Alec Baldwin mistaken as a hobo.

• 1:15:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Sucks.

• 1:15:09Tom Segura?

  You know what that is? That's life. That's how life

• 1:15:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 1:15:12Tom Segura?

  actually goes. There's a certain link that says hottie Alec and this one says mistaken as a hobo.

• 1:15:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mistaken as a hobo. Yeah, he's got a rough first. There he is with Kim Basinger in the eighties. Wow.

• 1:15:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but you can't be

• 1:15:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Beautiful couple.

• 1:15:25Tom Segura?

  You know, you can't judge the guy first looks at sixty six.

• 1:15:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can.

• 1:15:30Tom Segura?

  Alright.

• 1:15:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can.

• 1:15:32Tom Segura?

  I mean, I know, but he's sixty six.

• 1:15:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  I just think it's bad life decisions. I think that having seven children would age anybody that way.

• 1:15:39Tom Segura?

  Of course it would.

• 1:15:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not cool. It's too many kids.

• 1:15:42Tom Segura?

  I don't know why you have, keep having that many kids.

• 1:15:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's too many.

• 1:15:45Tom Segura?

  I know, it's insane.

• 1:15:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  And by the way, how many nannies did they have? Give me a fucking break that it's just the two of them. The sixty six year old dad and her.

• 1:15:52Tom Segura?

  What can a sixty six year old dad contribute?

• 1:15:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  He can't do shit.

• 1:15:55Tom Segura?

  It's basically grandpa. Your grandpa.

• 1:15:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course. It's too much. Yeah. He can't even play. So my friend, my mom friend.

• 1:16:02Tom Segura?

  We're all gonna nap. That's what's gonna happen in that. Oh my god. Alec's dreadful reality show is a new low for TV. Fucking A, man. That bad?

• 1:16:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that, you know, but they, they don't like the good stuff we do. Like My Husband Is Not Gay. They probably low reviewed that show too.

• 1:16:18Tom Segura?

  I'm SSA.

• 1:16:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm SSA. They don't know what they're talking about. Don't listen to these motherfuckers. So anyway, my mom friends were texting me. Would you like to hear their review?

• 1:16:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let me show you what my friend fucking.

• 1:16:29Tom Segura?

  What are the moms saying out there?

• 1:16:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  In the mom world. Okay. Cause we, we keep it on the, keep up on the alaria. I watched it yesterday. It's on Max. You have to watch. There are babies crawling up on tables, kids running around screaming. It's a madhouse. It's a madhouse. It's gotta be. And then my other mom friend was saying there's this part of the episode where He's complaining to Ilaria that she's the one in charge of getting the kids going. She's in control of the kids. And he's like, I used to have a say in how the kids were. I don't have a say anymore. And she's like, well, yeah, I'm the mom.

• 1:17:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  And I fucking agree.

• 1:17:05Tom Segura?

  I agree too.

• 1:17:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like, go work, go make the money.

• 1:17:07Tom Segura?

  Go do things.

• 1:17:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let me deal with the kids.

• 1:17:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause dads are not wired for that shit.

• 1:17:13Tom Segura?

  I agree.

• 1:17:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  What, what meds does Juju need to take it?

• 1:17:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, right, whatever you say.

• 1:17:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  What size are Juju's pants?

• 1:17:18Tom Segura?

  Sixteen.

• 1:17:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  You don't know shit.

• 1:17:21Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:17:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's just most dads know. It's just our generation, especially Alec Baldwin's generation. He don't know shit about the kids.

• 1:17:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let him go to work.

• 1:17:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  And let the fake Latin lady run the house.

• 1:17:32Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 1:17:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Women are better at that stuff.

• 1:17:36Tom Segura?

  I agree, I agree.

• 1:17:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guys, this is not for men, not for straight guys.

• 1:17:39Tom Segura?

  You run, that's the, that's the company. You run that company.

• 1:17:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right.

• 1:17:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  We're more, I think the traditional way is fine. Unless you have some fucking beta cuck husband.

• 1:17:48Tom Segura?

  He doesn't want all that say, nobody does.

• 1:17:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody fuck, men don't wanna do it.

• 1:17:52Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:17:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  He doesn't wanna raise the kids.

• 1:17:54Tom Segura?

  Um, people had asked, by the way, they wanted to know the update for the woman hitting my car.

• 1:18:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh my God.

• 1:18:01Tom Segura?

  Wanted to tell you, um, without getting into too much detail, it's being taken care of.

• 1:18:07Tom Segura?

  Okay?

• 1:18:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stupid bitch.

• 1:18:08Tom Segura?

  And by that, I don't mean that I'm letting it go. I'm not letting it go. And that's how it's being taken care of. Okay?

• 1:18:16Tom Segura?

  So, um, what is this? Um, so we, we did make some, we, I don't know if you wanna say it or not, but we made a little bit of progress in your investigation of Brigitte Macron.

• 1:18:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:18:29Tom Segura?

  And do you wanna say that we reached out?

• 1:18:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  You say it.

• 1:18:33Tom Segura?

  Well, we reached out.

• 1:18:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  To Brigitte?

• 1:18:36Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:18:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just kidding, to, uh, to Candace Owens.

• 1:18:38Tom Segura?

  Who you, you said is like the leader in this story.

• 1:18:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course, this is Candace Owens' big moment right now. She has exposed Brigitte Macron. And, um, as you know, Candace is pregnant right now, so I think flying in might not be doable for her. But we're arranging a Zoom interview so she can fill us in on this Brigitte Macron thing. And I'm telling you, the Macron's are panicking. They're sending her, you know, hundred letter. Threats and all this, it is real. And none of them being like, hey, Brigitte is a woman. Stop saying that. That's not true. That's, they're not even trying to call her out on that.

• 1:19:18Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:19:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's very exciting stuff. Please do not use gendered language. I miss all that.

• 1:19:24Tom Segura?

  So we'll find out what the real story is here.

• 1:19:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's huge.

• 1:19:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's your pronoun? What's her pronoun?

• 1:19:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's her pronoun?

• 1:19:31Speaker 03

  Queering out the women, they were queering out the dudes.

• 1:19:34Tom Segura?

  That's what happened. So hopefully we'll get the full story soon.

• 1:19:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't wait.

• 1:19:39Tom Segura?

  But just let us say this now, as we wrap up, that it's, um, it has been the most fun, I think, of our careers.

• 1:19:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 1:19:46Tom Segura?

  That we've gotten to do this show. Um, I never want to stop doing YMH. There's, this is episode 800, and I hope we're doing 800 more of these. It's been a lot of fun.

• 1:19:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  And thank you, you guys, for making this possible.

• 1:19:58Tom Segura?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:19:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  This started as a silly dream in our little house in Silver Lake with a neighbor that made smelly food through the walls.

• 1:20:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  And we've moved it to every house we've been to, and you guys have come with us, and we really appreciate that.

• 1:20:11Tom Segura?

  It's been amazing.

• 1:20:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Quite a ride.

• 1:20:13Tom Segura?

  It's been amazing. We look forward to doing it more. And, um, hopefully we'll see many of you on March 7th. Uh, YMHstudios.com, YMH Live is back, and we'll see you soon.

• 1:20:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bye, Gene.

• 1:20:24Speaker 03

  This is big time. Who is Randy?

• 1:20:27Tom Segura?

  Don't bring anyone loving to this.

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  Your mama and the funk is there.

• 1:20:31Speaker 06

  Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. And Christina Perchetti. Welcome to your mom's house.

• 1:21:23Speaker 06

  I don't know what I'm doing. Need a break. Forget it, I quit. Escape to Pluto TV. This is objectively fantastic. Relax into the movies and shows you already know and love, all for free. Shwing! Even our news is uplifting. You stay classy, San Diego. Watch Tommy Boy, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The X-Files, Wayne's World, and so much more. We're not worthy! The best things on TV really are free. You just have to know where to look. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.