The System Wants You Weak: How Culture Kills Identity, Urgency & Truth | Patrick Bet-David (Fan Fav)

It makes sense Entrepreneur Patrick Bet-David admires Arnold Schwarzenegger the way he does. Both embody the story of immigrants with the odds stacked against them that used adversity, self-evaluation, and a body-builder mentality to re-write their own narrative. The author of 25 Laws to Doing the Impossible shares how he shaped his mindset to achieve the impossible on this episode of Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu. ORIGINAL AIR DATE: 6-4-19 SHOW NOTES: Patrick details what attracted him to bodybuilding and what he learned from it. [3:13] Patrick shares what Arnold Schwarzenegger represents to him. [4:38] Patrick analyzes the role DNA and experiences play in our potential. [9:18] Patrick speaks on the power of clarity. [15:00] Patrick and Tom discuss the process of shaping your identity. [17:30] Patrick dives into living with intention and urgency. [22:08] Patrick explains the power of not caring what other people think. [28:31] Patrick explores the idea of family traditions. [34:29] Patrick details his belief of aligning lifestyle with belief. [37:50] Patrick reveals the impact he wants to have on the world. [38:57] FOLLOW PATRICK BET-DAVID: WEBSITE - https://bit.ly/30XeIfU CHECK OUT OUR SPONSORS Vital Proteins: Get 20% off by going to https://www.vitalproteins.com and entering promo code IMPACT at check out Upway: Get $150 OFF any purchase over a thousand when you use code IMPACT at https://upway.co. iRestore: For a limited time only, our listeners are getting a HUGE discount on the iRestore Elite when you use code IMPACT at https://iRestore.com/impact https://irestore.com/impact. Monarch Money: Use code THEORY at https://monarchmoney.com for 50% off your first year! Mint Mobile: If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at https://mintmobile.com/impact. https://mintmobile.com/impact DISCLAIMER: Upfront payment of $45 for 3-month 5 gigabyte plan required (equivalent to $15/mo.). New customer offer for first 3 months only, then full-price plan options available. Taxes & fees extra. See MINT MOBILE for details. What's up, everybody? It's Tom Bilyeu here: If you want my help... STARTING a business:join me here at ZERO TO FOUNDER https://tombilyeu.com/zero-to-founder?utm_campaign=Podcast%20Offer&utm_source=podca[%E2%80%A6]d%20end%20of%20show&utm_content=podcast%20ad%20end%20of%20show SCALING a business:see if you qualify here. https://tombilyeu.com/call Get my battle-tested strategies and insights delivered weekly to your inbox:sign up here. https://tombilyeu.com/ ********************************************************************** If you're serious about leveling up your life, I urge you to check out my new podcast,Tom Bilyeu’s Mindset Playbook https://open.spotify.com/show/47VE90Cittmo6TGGFqg2xf —a goldmine of my most impactful episodes on mindset, business, and health. Trust me, your future self will thank you. ********************************************************************** Join me live on myTwitch stream https://impacttheory.co/4fitmnJ. I'm live daily from 6:30 to 8:30 am PT atwww.twitch.tv/tombilyeu https://impacttheory.co/4fitmnJ ********************************************************************** LISTEN TO IMPACT THEORY AD FREE + BONUS EPISODES on APPLE PODCASTS:apple.co/impacttheory http://apple.co/impacttheory ********************************************************************** FOLLOW TOM: Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/tombilyeu/ Tik Tok:https://www.tiktok.com/@tombilyeu?lang=en Twitter:https://twitter.com/tombilyeu YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@TomBilyeu Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices https://megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Bilyeu?

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• 0:45Tom Bilyeu?

  Their dashboard tracks what comes next based on what your business actually needs. So EIN number, registered agent, licenses and permits, bookkeeping, business banking. I tell every founder the same thing. Just make it official. Click the link in the show notes to check out Taylor Brands and get started on your business today. This is a paid advertisement.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Before we get into the show, here's something worth your time. Every day, animals across the country face abuse, neglect, and cruelty. And every day, the ASPCA shows up. They rescue animals in crisis and provide life-saving medical care. They help animals recover, and they give them the second chance they deserve. But they can't do it alone. Every rescue, every medical treatment, every safe place to heal depends on people who choose to help. If you'd like to be part of that work, visit aspc.org/need. Become a monthly donor today, and you'll help support these life-saving rescue efforts

• 1:52Speaker 01

  and provide the care, shelter, and love these animals urgently need. And for a limited time, the ASPCA will send you a free gift as a special thank you. Again, that's aspc.org/need.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  You're listening to Impact Theory.

• 2:10Tom Bilyeu?

  Impact Theory.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Impact Theory. Impact Theory.

• 2:13Tom Bilyeu?

  Impact, baby! Everybody, welcome to Impact Theory. Our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that will help you actually execute on your dreams. Alright, today's guest is the founder and CEO of PHP, one of the top insurance firms in America. Starting from scratch, he built PHP into one of the fastest-growing companies in the financial marketplace that now employs 8,200 agents across 84 offices in 49 states, taking himself from massively in debt to a personal net worth of roughly $150 million. Pretty extraordinary for somebody who fled Iran at the age of 10, spent two years in a refugee camp in Germany, got fired from Burger King, and left the military in his

• 2:58Tom Bilyeu?

  20s with no money and few monetizable skills. He summed up his secret to success in his video "The Life of an Entrepreneur in 90 Seconds," which went viral, ultimately gaining well over 30 million views and helping to blow up his personal brand. Now, he's also the founder of the YouTube juggernaut, ValueTainment, which has nearly 1.2 million subscribers and a ton of valuable content if you're looking to succeed at the highest levels. As a part of his mission to spread the power of entrepreneurship, he's interviewed some of the world's most extraordinary people, including NBA Hall of Famer Magic Johnson, billionaire Mark Cuban, and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, making their wisdom accessible to anyone willing to learn.

• 3:41Tom Bilyeu?

  So please, help me in welcoming the man who wrote "The 25 Laws to Doing the Impossible", the ferocious Patrick "Bet" David.

• 3:50Speaker 04

  Oh, man. How are you? Very good, welcome. Thanks for having me.

• 3:54Tom Bilyeu?

  Absolutely my pleasure. I'm super excited to have you here.

• 3:58Speaker 04

  It's great to be here.

• 3:59Tom Bilyeu?

  And I want to start, maybe somewhere a little unusual, but I want to talk about bodybuilding.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  Let's do it.

• 4:04Tom Bilyeu?

  What was it that drew you to that? And maybe more importantly, what did you learn from what I'll call one of the most intense disciplines in the world?

• 4:11Speaker 04

  So when I was 14 years old, I was 6'1", 135, and my name wasn't Tyra.

• 4:18Speaker 04

  Banks, so that's, that's, that's what I got into bodybuilding. And there was a commercial, maybe you'll remember this, there was a commercial that said, uh, you know, I used to be skinny, you know, rejected by girls and now I drink milk. And you know, I, I don't know if you remember that commercial, the milk commercial. So for me, I said, man, I need some muscles because I, I need a date, I need girls, I need to go out, I need to protect myself. And I started hitting the weights at fourteen years old. I would go to the gym uh, with three sweaters on and there was a guy in there named Fred. Uh, who took a liking into me, he was like five years older than me and I was benching the bar, you know, the bar is forty-five pounds and when you don't have a lot of strength, when you, you know, bench the bar, the bar is shaking, right?

• 5:01Speaker 04

  So he pulled me and says, come here, kid, don't look at anybody. You're gonna have a two and a half pound rule on what you're gonna do. Every week, we're gonna increase your bench by two and a half pounds and that's all you need to do. And then from there, that whole two and a half pound idea, I applied in business and everywhere else and it worked because that led me to, you know, I was in the army, I had, and my room was all, you know, posters of Arnold, of Ronnie Coleman, of Aaron Baker, of Chris Cormier, of Lee Haney, all of these guys. And I said, I'm gonna run for, I'm gonna go be a Mr. Olympia one day.

• 5:34Tom Bilyeu?

  What did Arnold represent to you?

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Uh, Arnold represented to me, uh, the story of an immigrant with a fire to prove a point. Uh, that he wanted to control the narrative. You know, when I say controlling the narrative to me is he's, uh, uh, written the story for his life. You know, Winston Churchill said, said many years ago, "History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." I think Arnold wrote his history. This is what I'm gonna be doing. You know, I'm gonna come here, I'm gonna compete, I'm gonna win, I'm gonna go into Hollywood, I have an accent, with or without it, I'm still gonna go into Hollywood, I'm gonna marry a Kennedy, I'm gonna go and be a governor and I'm gonna do what I wanna do in my life. He was an example of this is possible.

• 6:18Tom Bilyeu?

  So the thing that I find interesting about bodybuilding, because I started lifting in my mid twenties ish. And for me, it was very different. I grew up in a morbidly obese family, so I was somewhat trying to escape that. But quite frankly, I wanted to look like Hugh Jackman. So that was my obsession. That was right at the heyday of the X-Men franchise.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  I can see Hugh Jackman right now.

• 6:37Tom Bilyeu?

  Oh, man, I was, I was just bout it. And I really did hate it. I hated every minute of being in the gym, but there was something to that. The, the discipline, the two and a half pound rule. You know, of every time that I cycle through a body part, I've got to be a little bit stronger, a little bit stronger, a little bit stronger. And my partners and I used to talk a lot about what's super weird is here we are where these three entrepreneurs were using discipline in lifting in the exact same way that we would use it in business. The ability to push through something hard, the demand that you grow and get better. And we were looking at other people and Arnold became fascinating to us because he was the only one that could apply it to every area of his life.

• 7:18Tom Bilyeu?

  Like what made him great in bodybuilding, and I think my favorite Schwarzenegger quote is somebody said to him, "I don't want to look like you." And he said, "Don't worry, you won't." And like the, the truth and the sort of wonderful arrogance of that quote of how hard it is that it's never going to happen by accident. But it's always fascinated me how few bodybuilders are able to translate that discipline. How were you able to take that and apply it to business and other things?

• 7:44Speaker 04

  I gotta tell you, I'm surprised you're asking this question because no one asks this question, but everything that I've done post-bodybuilding goes back to bodybuilding. It's amazing when I tell you everything. In bodybuilding, you'll learn areas you miss out on, which is what? Most people don't do legs. You know, Arnold, at the beginning stages of his careers, he would take pictures in the water because, you know, he didn't want to show his calves. So he would always do thighs because he had the thighs, but he didn't have the calves. So I'm doing a pose with the, minimizing the calves. And he started doing the donkey raises with Franco Colombo on his back and really got focused about the calves. And he had these massive calves. In business, it could be the same thing. You could be all good on front end, you know, marketing, but your operation sucks. And for me, I was so front end, I was so sales that I wasn't.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  wasn't good in operations and I didn't pay attention to the systems I didn't pay attention to we don't need technology we don't need to look at automation we don't look at this we need more marketing we need to do this and finally the conversation got deeper and deeper and deeper to the point where we have to pay attention to them my wife pulled me in and she brought the board in she brought everybody and everybody sat down and says we need to invest in technology and when we did that I could scale because now you have a knob and whenever you have a knob to control and you you increase it a little bit when flows coming in that's what really helped us grow the business to a different level so yeah when I look at bodybuilding and what that did to my life business wise everything went back to small little growth right beating your prior best

• 9:10Speaker 04

  and then shocking your business because that's like a new campaign new initiative so same thing with business so I would say a lot of it applied from that into business for me

• 9:20Tom Bilyeu?

  I loved the um the life of an entrepreneur in 90 seconds it's basically that it's how to build yourself brick by brick you're talking about how you see the flash you see the cars the money the house but you don't see the times they were freaking out stressed anxiety things were going wrong and they had to just get better every day and by doing that day after day after day they're able to really turn themselves into a beast and one of my favorite stories about what you're talking about with Arnold and his calves is so he goes through the phase where at first he's standing in the water and he doesn't let himself be photographed and then he flips it and he makes a sweatsuit where the only part that's visible are his calves so that he could never distract himself with something that looked good and he would walk around the gym with his worst body part exposed so that he'd make sure that he put in the work

• 10:05Tom Bilyeu?

  and I found that like incredibly interesting what do you think about this notion of made not born like how much of it do you think people like Arnold has terrible calves but he can really build them how malleable are we

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Made not born. So for me, I have three kids. Okay, now we just had a great conversation about kids, but I have three kids myself. So I look at my kids from the day they're born. They are who they are. So we, parents tend to take a lot of credit for their kids. Like, hey, you know, look at my kid, that's my son. Well, you know, I know how to raise him and I know how to do this. And in a way, it's fine because it's pride, because that's my kid, that's my blood, that's my this, but. I don't know if parents can take as much credit. Or as much blame for the kids. And I know some people may disagree with this and say, what am I, what are you saying here? I'm not saying there isn't, but it isn't 80%. I think it's 20%. I think the other 80% is when you're born, there are some elements to you of how you are.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  My oldest is very quiet. Every picture you see him taking. He's looking at you like he's looking through your soul, like he's trying to figure out what you're thinking. This kid has been like this since day one. The middle one, charmer. Everybody loves this kid. Everybody's like fascinated by this kid. Because he's so friendly. He'll run around here, he talks to Ricky over there from. Boston and he'll go around making friends with everybody. That's Dylan. That's how Dylan is. And the smaller one's got a temper, but she's gonna get what she wants and she's very assertive, right? Okay. So I can sit here and say, yeah, that's, you know, that's me and because of my parenting stuff. So I think one is the way we're born. That's our DNA. That's one. Two. Is things that happens in your life. For instance, for me.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Uh, if I watch a whis, if I see a movie scene with a whistling sound, I'm going straight back to Iran. Instant, right? But if you hear a whistle to you, you're going back to a park. I'm not going to a park. I'm going to Iran. I'm going to Iran, going over a bridge. And a bomb drops 50 yards behind us and my dad says, don't look back. I'm in a white Renault. My sister's sitting next to me, my mom is over here, my dad's over. We're going to a city called Karaj. Which is the Palm Springs to LA. We're trying to get away from the war and I look behind me. The bridge is coming down. I mean, that stays with me till the day I die because that whistling sound. That's not parents. That's life experiences that causes that. A heartbreak, a breakup, parents getting a divorce, a fight, getting bullied. Being knocked out publicly in front of your peers, humiliated, girl breaks up with you in front of your peers.

• 12:25Speaker 04

  Leaves you for your friend. All of these things then make you because of those experiences. Now when that happens. Uh, it's like a formula. You are gonna do one of three things. You, you know, the whole flight, freeze, or fight. You're either gonna freeze and you're gonna suppress and keep it internally. And eventually you're gonna implode. And when you implode, you're gonna hurt a lot of people. Or you're going to flight and you'll avoid that person. Every time you're running around them, oh my gosh, she's here. I'm gonna go in this room. I'm gonna avoid her. I'm gonna avoid her. I'm gonna avoid her. Or you're gonna fight, right? Now, I know what freeze happens. Nothing happens. Flight, nothing's happened. But fight, that part is born during those moments. And, uh, you know, so you figure that part of what the person's made up of. You can't teach that part to somebody.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  You can't say, somebody could encourage you and somebody could say, "Hey, Patrick, stand up for yourself." Yeah, but you could say that to me when people are around. But what if no one's around? Most of the time, no one is around. You have to learn to stand up for yourself. So when you ask the question, born versus made, I, I don't think it's a one dimensional answer. I think it's such a multi dimensional answer that if we get deeper to it, you'll be able to figure people out and say, no wonder this guy became who he is today. Because these three different things combined, wow, this makes a lot of sense to me. So I don't know if that answered your question for you or not, but for me, that's kinda how it starts.

• 13:43Tom Bilyeu?

  It starts to, but, but I really wanna push. So I'm talking to a guy that does value attainment, who is creating content, which is definitely telling you how to live. You wrote a book, The Laws of Doing the Impossible. Um, your video that popped off and went viral was all about how you can learn. And it, it, I'm gonna use my words now. It doesn't matter who you are today. It matters who you wanna become and the price you're willing to pay to get there. Um, so help me, and, and maybe there's just another part of this. Help me square the, your sort of the totality of your DNA and your experiences. And then you completely end up shifting your life. You said the best thing that ever happened to you was hitting rock bottom because it forced you to reevaluate your thinking. So what I wanna know is, right now, there are people watching us and they are panicking

• 14:28Tom Bilyeu?

  that you're saying that who they are today is just, it's a product of, you know, their, the culmination of their DNA and their experience. And it's a trap, basically, and they are who they are. But I don't think you believe that.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  I don't think that's what I'm saying, though.

• 14:39Tom Bilyeu?

  So how, what is that next level of malleability? How much can we change?

• 14:43Speaker 04

  So what I'm saying is a part of it is your DNA. We have to understand that. There's a part of it that is your DNA, but...

• 14:49Tom Bilyeu?

  And you'll never be able to break free from that? Or you just have to understand it so that you know how to change?

• 14:54Speaker 04

  No, for example, you know, if, you know, if you are somebody that, um, personality, I can't change your personality to be like XYZ. You know, this whole concept about modeling, you know, you gotta model somebody. Too much modeling leads to imitation because you're not being you, right? So speaking, some people will say, "Well, Pat, I don't see a lot of people speak like you. You speak differently. I don't know any other way to speak, but I used to try to speak like somebody else that I was trying to model." And I said, "No, no, this is how I speak. This is me. This is my method of delivering my message to you. Makes sense? Great. If it doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense."

• 15:34Speaker 04

  But the part about the other side for me is I also believe firmly that events, conversations, certain individuals can completely say something that can change your life forever.

• 15:48Tom Bilyeu?

  So what are some of the tools that you use? I know that you've talked about clarity is super important, carrots. Talk to us about those two things, which I think are both pretty powerful.

• 15:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, Tom, I would say questions. You know, like right now, uh, uh, I, I, I'm more curious about people that I can't even help myself. I'm asking you questions like, "Hey, you know, how come you don't have any kids?" "We don't have any kids." "Why don't you have any kids?" "Well, because, you know, we decided six years ago we're not gonna have any kids." "But how did you know that?" "Well, we got married 17 years ago. Well, we've been together for 20 years." And my wife, this was a decision, an emotional decision or a logical decision? I think it was a logical decision because it was finally a way to get a, you know, fulfillment. What you and your wife did is what very few people do. And the whole purpose is sitting down and asking the questions. What if I get asked a question that I don't have the answer to? One of the scariest things about life is a question. The, the scary question can shake a soul up.

• 16:44Speaker 04

  Because no one's asked that question from you. So for me, the transition for somebody to want to change it and get clarity is actually asking questions. If you don't ask the questions of what you want to do next, the world is going to put you in the box on what you have to do next. Because they're determining who you need to be. And you are rising up to their expectations because you're not asking the questions yourself. So clarity to me is stemmed from you being able to sit down and ask those tough questions that piss you off, that irritate you, that make you emotional, that you cry over, that you reflect, that makes you want to do research, that makes you follow up, that makes you sit down and say, "I don't really know. I've never thought about this before." And that goes deeper and deeper and deeper.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  So clarity is stemmed based on like the way you answered the question to me, Tom. It was amazing. So do you have any kids? No, we made a decision a long time ago. We didn't want to have kids. The way you said it was like very nonchalant. Really? It was so like, yeah, that's what we did. Then I said, "So tell me how you processed it." It's very obvious that was a very comfortable, certain decision with a lot of time put into it. Very few people do that. And then you've got clarity and clarity gives confidence. So somebody looks at your eyes when you give the answer, there is no, you know, look in the way or uncomfortable or anything. You're like, "This is who we are. This is the decision we made." But that clarity came from all the conversations you and your wife had together. I don't think enough people do that together.

• 18:08Tom Bilyeu?

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• 18:54Tom Bilyeu?

  Or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. It's now also available in Canada and the UK. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, make sure you tell them that it was on Impact Theory. That's the best way to support the show. Let's talk about something that genuinely keeps me awake at night. My team at Impact Theory gets hit with phishing scams from bad actors pretending to be me all the time. And they keep getting more sophisticated attacks with details specific enough to look legit. AI has made a lot of things possible, including scams like this. But AI still needs raw material. It gets it from data brokers who sell your name, address, phone number to anyone willing to pay.

• 19:39Tom Bilyeu?

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• 20:23Tom Bilyeu?

  One thing in your book that you talked about that I thought was really interesting was you asked a question, to your point about questions. When was the last time you thought about your identity? And you just brought that up. What's that process for people? How do you be like, how, what is the identity? Which I think most people give stats. Like, what do you mean by that? And how can people begin to shape their identity?

• 20:42Speaker 04

  So, Tom, who were you in high school?

• 20:46Tom Bilyeu?

  What was my identity?

• 20:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, so if I was in high school with you, who were you? You were a comedian?

• 20:49Tom Bilyeu?

  Thousand percent.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  Okay, comedian. When did it change?

• 20:52Tom Bilyeu?

  Uh, as soon as I went to college. I consciously decided I wanted to become the artist, which was not necessarily the right decision, but that was, yeah, when I changed.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  And then what happened from artist to quest?

• 21:04Tom Bilyeu?

  Poverty. And so I, so I start, um, wanna be the funny guy because I need attention in high school. I, by the end of high school, I'm very good at making people laugh in a sort of living room funny way. I do countless hours of practice of stand-up comedy. And when I go to college, I'm like, my only style of humor is self-deprecating. So I'm always making fun of myself, which actually makes me think a little bit less of myself. And so I very much had an inferiority complex in high school. I cheated my way to being in the top 10 of my graduating class. I did terribly on my SATs. And I come into film school and I'm like, this is what I wanna do with the rest of my life. Like, I actually wanna be good at this. And that's one sort of realization I'm grateful for, was I realized,

• 21:47Tom Bilyeu?

  at some point, you're in the big bad world and you're either good or you're not. And so you better stop cheating, really pay attention and get good. And so I thought I need to take myself more seriously, stop making fun of myself. So I didn't tell anybody that I was, you know, a comedic person or anything. I didn't make jokes, nothing. And so I began to adopt the identity of the artist. I have some artistic failures, which creates this identity crisis. I'm very much in the grips of poverty now, because I've graduated. My parents aren't helping me anymore. I'm selling insurance door to door, uh, so.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  What year is this?

• 22:21Tom Bilyeu?

  This is, this would have been 99.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  Wow. So. Twenty years ago.

• 22:25Tom Bilyeu?

  Yeah, so, and, and I'm just like in this, I'm sliding towards depression. I have no sense of how I can make things come true. This is all pre-internet, so like, there's just, there's no hope for me. Like, there's, I. The idea to make a hundred thousand dollar film, which back then, there was no YouTube, there was no video cameras you could make movies on, I mean, it just wasn't a thing. So it was like, a hundred thousand dollar film might as well have been a hundred million dollar film, so I'm stuck, what am I gonna do? And that's when I meet these two entrepreneurs who are like, look, you're coming to the world with your hand out, and if you want to control the art, you have to control the resources. And so that began a very long journey of identity for me, of figuring out, who am I? How do I define myself now? And how is that useful?

• 23:05Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 23:05Tom Bilyeu?

  Like, understanding that it is completely malleable. I can decide right now that I'm somebody else, that my identity is something new and something different. Like, I remember the day I told people I was gonna start lifting. And I just said, right now, today, I'm lifting, and I told people, I'm gonna put on muscle, I'm gonna look like Hugh Jackman, everybody's like, yeah, yeah, right. And I just went beast mode, and I just started working out all the time. And I realized, whoa, like, it's a demarcation line in the sand. Yesterday, at this time, I did not have the sense that I'm gonna become like Hugh Jackman, that I am a lifter, I am somebody who sticks through with what they say, and now today, I'm just gonna decide that is me. And so I began telling people it, which gave all this pressure that I had to live up to it.

• 23:46Tom Bilyeu?

  And I began to realize, like, whoa, this is a lever that you can pull, and it drives behavior.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  That's amazing, I mean, that pretty much explains the whole thing about identity, right? So, uh, I think the first identity we have is whatever identity we're trying to get attention for. I mean, you know, when you come out, you're saying your family extremely obese, I think you said. So I don't know, was it a mom and dad stayed together? Was it a healthy family? Was it loving? Was it, was it a crazy environment? Was it a lot of pressure?

• 24:14Tom Bilyeu?

  No, like, it was pretty good, but my parents ended up, so I, I have this recurring nightmare as a kid, and I can't explain it, I'm in a loveless marriage. So imagine me at fourteen, I've never had a relationship, but I, I have this recurring nightmare about being in a loveless marriage. Not realizing, of course, my parents were in a loveless marriage, and I just didn't know. And so, on some subconscious level, I was obviously picking up on that. Mad respect to my parents, who stayed together until three weeks after I left for college, and then they split.

• 24:42Speaker 04

  Get out of here.

• 24:43Tom Bilyeu?

  No, and I actually respect it, like, that, I would never do that. I would never repay that, because that's so crazy to me, to live a life that's less than it could be, for your kids, which is why I don't have children.

• 24:53Speaker 04

  Makes sense now.

• 24:55Tom Bilyeu?

  So, but they did that, I'm very grateful.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  Wow. Going back to the identity part. You know, you had a moment that you had to make a decision and you asked some questions and you met a couple of people that eventually inspired you to want to make change and then you went after what you wanted to do. And that day when you said, "I'm gonna start looking like Hugh Jackman the next day." And one day, the decision not that serious, the next day, here's who I'm gonna end up being. When I listen to your story, it's all Y2. And we don't spend enough time with Y2. Y2 is linked to identity. How to is systems, learning. It's a skill, it's a skill set, anybody can pick that up. So, identity is you asking the questions until eventually you get to a point that you get to the deeper part of who do you want to be? What life do you want to live? And why do you want to live this stuff? Why is it important to you?

• 25:41Speaker 04

  Why is it what you're putting through all these hours? Why would you want to do that? That transition, when you go through it, and then the pressure part, when you said, "Here's who I'm gonna be," where you declare your intentions to the world. "This is what I'm gonna be doing." A lot of times, we keep things a secret. And so, there's a debate. Some say you should never declare your intentions to the world because that pressure could create anxiety. You should never do it. You know, like Babe Ruth pointed a finger and "I'm gonna hit a homerun." What if you don't hit it? What if you fail? You know, what if you say, Michael Jordan says, "The Bulls never win in losing game seven." You should never say that because there's too much pressure on the players. Or then the other side say, "Well, you should put the pressure on yourself because your teammates play better, because it's not on them, it's on you." And the leader does that. To me, I think declaring intentions serves a purpose. I think when you go out there and you say, "This is what I'm gonna be doing.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  This is where I'm gonna be at." You officially have the world holding you accountable. That pressure could be good pressure to put into your life. We hear the phrase peer pressure

• 26:37Speaker 04

  and we always get the negative connotation with peer pressure. It's like, "Hey, don't do drugs because of peer pressure." You know, "Say no to drugs, peer pressure." "Go to school, peer pressure, peer pressure." Where, I mean, it all depends who the peer is that's giving you pressure. Because if you got the right peer giving you the right kind of pressure, you can do some big things in your life. So, I think that additional kind of peer pressure you put into yourself, you're in the right circles, right environments, those two guys that, you know, put some kind of a peer pressure or direction into you can really be a spark to change someone's life where all of a sudden, the identity goes from being a regular person to the next day, no one recognizes them. In the world of social media of influencers, there's some that'll say things like, "Listen, you have a lot of time. Take your time. You're okay. You're gonna be alright. You're gonna be fine. You have a lot of time."

• 27:22Speaker 04

  And that's fine. That can work for some audiences. And sometimes you wonder if it's almost like a strategy so other people don't catch up to you because they think they're like, "Honestly, you sit there and say, "Is this guy really that dark that he's trying to get everybody else to slow down? So he kind of, you know, works his ass up, "Well, hey, everybody else, you slow down. It's okay." What for me on the other side is, listen, this never lies. This lies. When I look at my hand this way, I'm 25 years old. When I look at my hand this way, I'm 40 years old. We look at our hands too often this way. I like to look at my hands like this. This doesn't lie. This is a 40-year-old wrinkles. This is 40, okay? I can't lie about that. That's 40 years old. Now, I can look at this and say, "No, I'm a lot younger. I got a lot of time."

• 28:02Speaker 04

  We don't. So, for me, I would sit there, one of my biggest drivers was, "You're at your dad's funeral." This, this sounds crazy to some people, but I have visualized, "It's gonna be the first time my dads are gonna hear this 'cause I've never said this to them, 'cause, you know, I just don't want to tell them this kind of stuff. 'Cause I don't want him to think about it, like, I don't want him to say, "Hey, I can't believe you said this." I have visualized my dad's funeral 50,000 times.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  And when I visualize, I'm like, "Okay."

• 28:34Speaker 04

  You're speaking. What are you saying? You know, you're the closing speaker. What are you gonna say? You okay with it? Are you okay with who's gonna be there? You know, are you okay if he dies at this age? Your kids never met him. They don't have a relationship with grandpa like you don't. For you, it matters because of David Last Name. You're the only person I can continue this David Last Name. All the other guys didn't have kids. You have to continue this generation. There's a legacy. Assyrian community is a small community. We're a dangerous species. It's not like there's millions of us. It's a very small community of Assyria. We lost our country. So I go there and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's not how it's gonna be. Here's how it's gonna be. He's gonna live this. This is what's gonna take place. So when that day comes, I'm not gonna have any regrets, cuz I'm gonna be good.

• 29:14Speaker 04

  That visualization of going there creates so much urgency for me that makes me move. Too often, this whole gift that we have, like, we're not putting that gift of imagination and visualization in place. And so either we waste it, and we just go into La La Land. Oh my gosh, what if I have a big house? What if my, you know, zip code is Beverly Hills? What if I have this big house? And what if I could put the big parties? What if I date these hot girls? What if I date the best-looking guy? What if I have this? What if I have that? That's fine, but that's not deep enough. You gotta go really deep. Really deep with purpose and really deep with if you don't move, what could take place. So, again, going back to it for me is for people to sit there and realize, if you really wanna move yourself,

• 29:54Speaker 04

  ask the questions, go deeper on what life could happen, both good and bad. Don't just say, oh, all good or all bad. Tap into both of them, and hopefully that creates urgency for you to start taking the next necessary steps to grow your business. But the gift of imagination and visualization is rarely used properly.

• 30:14Tom Bilyeu?

  It's interesting that you say that. So the nineteen-year-old version of myself, I was actually asked, um, what's your ideal woman? And I described her, just like you were talking about, height. Um, I said, she's going to, um, speak a foreign language, but she needs to speak English perfectly to get my humor. Um, she, but I find accents so sexy, and I think it's so cool when somebody can speak a second language, which was always a fantasy of mine. Said she'll be short, she'll either be able to draw or sing. Um, and she's gonna be like ethnic somehow, cuz growing up in Tacoma, dude, it was white people twenty-four seven.

• 30:53Tom Bilyeu?

  And so it was like just finding somebody that was like a little bit different was very intoxicating. So of course, I end up marrying a Greek girl, but she grew up in England, so she speaks Greek, but English perfectly, and she can draw. She's a world-class artist. So I was like, wow, this is so crazy. When you really have clarity about what you want, and it comes across your path, and you're paying attention, then it's like all of a sudden. Hey, I'm gravitating towards this. This is, you know, something that's interesting to me. But one thing that I think really became powerful for Lisa and I is something that you talk a lot about, which is you've got to shut out the noise of what other people think. And you've got to be willing to really be yourself, know what you're thinking about. Why is that powerful?

• 31:37Tom Bilyeu?

  Why do we need to, excluding some of the right people, why do we need to stop caring about what other people think?

• 31:43Speaker 04

  Because life goes by wasted when you do that. You know, I remember when my parents got a divorce. So my mother's side, they're Armenian. And my dad's side, they're Assyrian. Okay, so if I go to the Armenian side and I would hang out with them, they were on their way to getting a divorce. The Armenian side would say, "He's a Bed David. He's Assyrian." And they would pin me against them. And if I went on the Assyrian side, they would say, "Oh, he's Armenian. Look at him. He's Badarmane." Which Badarmane means a terrible Armenian is what it meant. I mean, these things that they had, Armenians and Assyrians, they have a big debate on who's the first Christian, Armenians or Assyrians. Why was that an important situation for me as a kid?

• 32:24Speaker 04

  Because everybody indirectly will impose their belief system into you. And it's never gonna stop. You know, this whole thing about people say, "Oh, my gosh, I can't wait to win to shut up all my haters." Reality check, it ain't never happening, okay? It ain't never happening. Because every time you come up, it's just more of them, right? And they're always, the great thing about haters is I always talk about the fact that my best consultants are my haters. Best. Because it almost makes no sense to be a hater. Let me explain to you why. Because haters highlight your weaknesses. And if you're smart, you're like, "He makes a good point. I do have bad calves. I better start working on my calves. Thank you for that feedback.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Now I kick your ass because you pointed out my weakness. What a great consultant." We don't need a consulting firm. We just need to hire new haters. Looking for haters, right? Come on, more haters. Please send me some more hate so I can see my flaws, my weaknesses.

• 33:21Tom Bilyeu?

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• 34:04Tom Bilyeu?

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• 34:54Speaker 04

  But the whole idea about that is, "Hey, one day I'm gonna make so much money, I'm gonna shut everybody up." That doesn't work. First of all, that's not gonna take place. The more you move up, the most hated man in the world today is the President of the United States. And prior to him, the most hated man in the world was the President of the United States prior to him, which was Barack Obama. One's a Democrat, one's a Republican. It's irrelevant. That part's not going away. So the voice is never gonna be less. So you have a choice. Either you can say, "I don't wanna deal with the voice, live a small life, no problem. It's okay, as long as you're happy with it, you're content, you're aligned with your values and principles, more power to you." But if you can't live a small life and you have to live a big life, you have to understand that it's gonna be pushed and you have to figure out a way to silence everybody. Every time somebody gets married for the first time.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  And if they ask the question, I never impose, but if they ask the question and say, so what feedback would you give us that we're just getting married? First of all, everyone's gonna tell you when you guys are gonna have kids. It's number one. When are you gonna get pregnant? I said, my suggestion to you is, tell everybody upfront, you don't have any plans of having kids for ten years. Okay? But if you do, you do. But if you tell them you're gonna have kids, everyone's gonna tell you what? How come you're not pregnant yet? Does this thing not work? Does your thing not work? What is going on? I bet she's sick. I always knew she had that limp. Maybe it's because of the way he walks. It's the lisp. I knew what was gonna happen with his family. And then you're overthinking, right? Shut everybody up, right upfront. Tell everybody to manage expectation. Anticipation is game.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  The day before I got married, I sat my parents down. They hadn't been in the same room for twenty years. Twenty years they hadn't been in the same room. And if they were in the same room together, a German would have been resurrected to start World War III. I mean, they could not be in the same room together. But I brought them to my house. They said, oh, we're coming to your wedding. I said, no, you're not. Of course, we're coming to your wedding. I said, who told you to come to your wedding? Did I send you an invitation? I didn't send you an invite. You are invited to my house, both of you together. We're not coming to your house. Oh, you're not coming to the wedding? So I said, what is wrong with you? We're your parents. So I said, listen, I'm just telling you, it's very simple. You come to my house, that is your ticket to the wedding. Because you are not gonna create this escapade at my wedding, the first time you see each other after twenty years, Iran, all this other stuff. So they came to my house. And they sat.

• 37:04Speaker 04

  It was so uncomfortable, it was entertaining. I wish I would have recorded this setting, right? So they're sitting, I'm looking at them, I can't take the smile off my face because I'm having too much fun with this. So I say, hey, mom, dad, I'm gonna step out. You guys gotta talk. And you guys gotta hash it out because you guys can't have any politics at the wedding. So I step out. I am literally out for twenty seconds. They tell me, we're ready. We're ready, come back. And so I come back and I said, what happened? We're good. I said, no problems. No. I said, okay, you guys don't worry about it. Here's the invitation. Here's the invitation. They came to the wedding. But I told my mom that. They said, mom, you have to realize in a Middle Eastern culture, a lot of times...

• 37:40Speaker 04

  Um, moms are put number one before wives. I want you to know, the day I get married, the following day you go from number one to number two. And it's very simple. And I don't want to hear about it. She is my number one. You are my number two. I love you, but you're not number one. She's number, you're number two. It's very hard for her. But it was clear. So you can't come in between me and my wife. If me and my wife gonna argue, we're gonna argue. It's none of your business. This is our business. We're fighting. We didn't ask you for your advice. We're fighting. Leave us alone. We have our own issues we have to deal with. But we don't say those things. So everybody creates noise. So the more you tell the world how to manage expectations dealing with you and what to anticipate, you actually minimize a lot of the noise.

• 38:24Speaker 04

  And most of the noise that's the most irritating are from the people closest to you, not strangers. Because who cares what a stranger says about you? You care what your family says about you. And that can be controlled if you do it properly.

• 38:36Tom Bilyeu?

  Yeah, the, uh, the world will treat you exactly the way you let them treat you, which I think is super powerful. And as you were talking, I was like, it's so important to do to lay down the ground rules, to tell people like what's okay, what's not okay. And so many people are terrified to do that. They're afraid to upset their mom. Um, I had a similar conversation with my mom.

• 38:58Tom Bilyeu?

  What I find interesting is your concept of, of family values. And it's not what people think. And walk us through, or traditions, excuse me, family traditions. Walk us through this notion of family traditions and how people just take that stuff on without ever questioning it.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, you have to question everything. First of all, it's not just family traditions for me. You gotta question everything. You gotta question, if you grew up a Republican, are you a Republican and why? If you grew up in a family where everybody was a military, you know, general, army, whatever, and because of that you're a Republican, why are you? If you're a Democrat, why are you a Democrat? Because what? Because you're Latino? Because you're black? Because you're Middle Eastern? You're, you're a Republican because, are you a Christian for what? Are you a Christian because you're a Christian? Because your parents are Christians? Are you an atheist because of you or your parents? Are you a Scientologist because you or your parents? What are your belief system, right? What are you doing? And do you subscribe to the same mindset? Do you subscribe? To the same mindset of what rich people are, you know, I grew up in a family where my mother didn't like rich people. So for me, it was kind of like rich people are terrible people.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  They're greedy. All they care about is money. I can't stand rich people. They're selfish. They put everybody else to work and they live in these big homes and they do nothing. And they party and they go to the nice restaurants and buy thousand dollar bottle of wine and I'm fricking having a two dollar beer here. Screw these rich people, right? I can't stand these rich people. He drinks a Bordeaux and I'm drinking a Budweiser. That cold hearted rich guy, right? And so to me it was that. So it's coming up. I'm like, you know, these rich people are greedy. Then I started questioning everything, every single thing. And when I started questioning everything, my philosophies in life became clear.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  You see, for me, one of the reasons why I like a book by Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, or why I like Ray Dalio's book, Principles is because it's here's my principles, here's my values. And a lot of times, we don't take the time to say, what are the values and principles that I'm willing to build my life on? What are they? And what really are they? What are you willing to really stand up for? You know, what is your core belief system? You know, are you a certain belief because you live in a certain city and you have to be? Are you thinking about money in a way because your parents looked at money that way? Maybe your parents don't like money because they didn't want to work for money. Maybe they're out and you know, their escape was they had a nephew or a niece or a brother or sibling or somebody that did better than them.

• 41:20Speaker 04

  So for them to prove to you that they still did their part, right, is to belittle that person. Listen, our parents are still human beings, you know, we look at parents as they know everything. They're the almighty. Parents make mistakes. Parents don't have everything figured out. They're trying to figure it out for themselves. So I think the solution for you to become free is you got to question every single thing. Even the one that is so core to you that you're kind of like, you want me to even question this? Yes, all of it. Here's why. Because here's what happens. The idea isn't to question and change.

• 41:54Speaker 04

  Like the idea isn't to say, I question it and they're wrong, so I change everything. No, if you question it, your argument and belief system in that value or principle could actually go a layer deeper than you currently are. And if it goes a layer deeper than you currently are, then it becomes a conviction. And you give me anybody that leads an army, give me anybody that leads a country, give me anybody that does anything that impacts the world, their convictions are at a higher level than yours. Everybody has convictions that they live with.

• 42:22Tom Bilyeu?

  It's incredible. I love that. We won't have time to go deep on these, but just really fast, I would be remiss not to ask, what are some core beliefs that you'd be willing to stand up for?

• 42:33Speaker 04

  You know, don't be afraid of the truth. My dad told me that from day one. Once you're clear on what you stand for, don't be afraid of the truth.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  For me, it's keeping your word. It's very critical when you say you're gonna do something, you do it. Like cashing your word, like I want your word to have a lot of value. For me, if I tell you, we're gonna do something, I mean, it has to be end of the world for it not to happen. I'm gonna go out of my way to make sure my word keeps that value because it's, it's more for me than it is for you. It's more for me to trust the words that are coming out of my mouth than anybody else. But, you know, I would say those things and then alignment for me is all the way at the top. Alignment is, it's so critical to me. The way you live and whatever you believe, if they're aligned, you're living a happy life. Alignment's all the way at the top for me.

• 43:20Tom Bilyeu?

  It's incredible. Where can these guys find you online?

• 43:24Speaker 04

  You know, if you go on YouTube, you type in Patrick Bed David, you'll find me there. If you go on Instagram, same thing. Patrick Bed David, you'll find me and I'll typically respond back on Instagram more than any other platform.

• 43:34Tom Bilyeu?

  Nice. All right, my last question. What's the impact that you want to have on the world?

• 43:40Speaker 04

  So it's phases. First 20 years was to make sure, you know, I live and I figure out a little bit of life by seeing everybody. The next 20 years was business, which is purely understanding the ins and outs of running a company, running a business, kind of like really building a company from scratch. Founder, how do you do this? How do you do that? Raising money, human nature, studying that for 20 years.

• 44:02Speaker 04

  The next 20 years is controlling the narrative, media. And then last 20 years is gonna have to do with Iran, Syrian community, you know, whole slew of other plans that I have, but that'll be from 60 on. 40 to 60 is gonna be media.

• 44:17Tom Bilyeu?

  We have a very similar 40 to 60.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  Very cool.

• 44:19Tom Bilyeu?

  I like the sound of that. Patrick, thank you so much for coming on the show, man.

• 44:23Speaker 04

  Thanks for having me, brother.

• 44:23Tom Bilyeu?

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