Pod Insights Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura Tom's DMT Voyage | Your Mom's House Ep. 798 About this episode SPONSORS:
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Hey Hitlers this week the Main Mommies got some stories for you! They took a trip to Sedona to chill out, they tried out a sound bath, Tina farted in somebodies face, and o'l Tommy Bunz even tried DMT, cause why the fuggg not? We open the show with a clip revealing Victoria's REAL secret, before Tim and Christine check out some clips featuring the talented whistler Ralph Giese, another funny way to say Bert Kreischer, the dangers of holding in farts, and some white ladies standing up for black women. Speaking of black chicks, who are you more afraid of: black chicks, cholas, or white boys? They also speculate on why the service industry isn't as strong post-COVID and Christina makes a plea for Candace Owens to come on to discuss the conspiracy theory about the French Prime Minister's wife being a man. All this and more...this week on Your Mom's House!
Your Mom’s House Ep. 798
https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://christinap.com/
https://store.ymhstudios.com
https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast
Chapters
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:45 - Sedona Sound Bath & The Queen Of Farts
00:08:49 - Try It Out Tommy
00:17:14 - Opening Clip: Victoria's REAL Secret
00:21:10 - Clip: Whistling The Hits
00:24:12 - Clip: Bert Kershire
00:27:11 - Clip: Danger Farts
00:30:40 - Clip: Trust Black Women
00:32:44 - Clip: BIPOC Anthem
00:35:16 - Clip: Charo Disney Employee
00:36:13 - The Service Industry
00:43:59 - Clip: This Guy Really Hates Guy
00:58:35 - Happy Birthday Drive-Thru Pranks
01:01:54 - Clip: Jaden Smith's Castle Hat
01:02:26 - Goth Tom
01:04:35 - Clip: Spirit Airlines Throw Down
01:06:08 - Black Chicks, Cholas, & White Boyz
01:14:46 - Clip: Eye Witness News
01:17:08 - Clip: Are You Dating A Misandrist?
01:19:28 - Clip: Open Defacation TED Talk
01:23:33 - A Message To Candace Owens
01:30:44 - Some TikToks
01:34:30 - Closing Song: "10 Milli Tom" by Rick G
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Transcript 16,488 words · 21 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:01 Speaker 00 Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.
0:11 Tom Segura? Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker, or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, Cigars International has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time, when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day induced stress. As the industry leader, Cigars International enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free everyday shipping, no codes, no minimums. You just buy the cigars and they show up, that's it. With Cigars International's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to
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1:49 Speaker 02 Oh my god. Yeah.
1:53 Speaker 03 Would you marry your dad?
1:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course. I live for this conversation. Yeah.
2:10 Speaker 02 Would you marry your mom?
2:12 Tom Segura? No.
2:13 Speaker 02 Come on.
2:14 Tom Segura? I think I'd marry my dad.
2:16 Speaker 02 Okay. Yeah. Would you marry your mom? I don't know.
2:22 Speaker 02 Would you marry your dad?
2:24 Tom Segura? Yeah.
2:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Of course.
2:25 Tom Segura? For sure.
2:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes. Yeah.
2:29 Speaker 03 Like, just.
2:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Just like the gays.
2:31 Speaker 03 Just like, just.
2:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Just like the gays.
2:35 Speaker 03 Like, just.
2:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Just like the gays. This is so good.
2:39 Speaker 02 Would you marry your dad?
2:41 Tom Segura? It's an appropriate song for some of the subjects today.
2:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Man.
2:44 Tom Segura? Man, today's gonna be just rocking. We're on fire. We're rolling. There's so much to get into. There's so many interesting stories that some might not even expect that are gonna be discussed today.
2:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Some revelations, things revealed in the world. I'm so excited to.
3:00 Tom Segura? The third apocalypse, the third eagle of the apocalypse.
3:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Satanic.
3:03 Tom Segura? Revelations, isn't his show something like that?
3:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, the third eagle of the apocalypse.
3:08 Tom Segura? William Tably, he often talks about.
3:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Vote for the Donald.
3:13 Tom Segura? He is a man.
3:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Third eagle. Yeah, and he's always in front of those birds.
3:19 Tom Segura? So upsetting that he won't reach out to us.
3:21 Christina Pazsitzky? I know. It's like, we support him, we support his platform. We're all about his stuff. Wish he'd fucking get it. I love you. I miss you. You've been gone for so long.
3:33 Tom Segura? Yeah.
3:34 Christina Pazsitzky? What?
3:34 Tom Segura? No, I know.
3:35 Christina Pazsitzky? What are you thinking? You're thinking about something else?
3:36 Tom Segura? Yeah, I was looking at something on the board there, but, um, yeah, it's been a very busy, very busy time.
3:43 Christina Pazsitzky? You're gone all week? Now you're back.
3:45 Tom Segura? Now I'm back.
3:46 Christina Pazsitzky? Before that, we went to.
3:46 Tom Segura? Clear, I'm back, I'm here.
3:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Polly, I'm bi. We went to Sedona for a little getaway, to get away from our children.
3:54 Tom Segura? That was awesome.
3:55 Christina Pazsitzky? That was amazing.
3:56 Tom Segura? Sedona is a beautiful place.
3:58 Christina Pazsitzky? It is a high vibration place. The aliens, there are vortexes. I've visited a vortex alone. You did not join me.
4:05 Tom Segura? Accompany you?
4:05 Christina Pazsitzky? But that's okay. And we went on a spiritual journey.
4:09 Tom Segura? It was a spiritual journey, and, um, we even experienced a sound bath.
4:17 Tom Segura? I enjoyed the sound bath.
4:18 Christina Pazsitzky? Did you? This was your first one?
4:20 Tom Segura? I loved it.
4:21 Christina Pazsitzky? You did?
4:21 Tom Segura? I really did.
4:22 Christina Pazsitzky? Did you go on a journey in your mind?
4:24 Tom Segura? Actually, yes, yes.
4:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Tell me where you went. Can you share with us?
4:27 Tom Segura? No, but what I'll say is that I'll say what I told the sound bath lady Echo is that,
4:36 Tom Segura? she was like, you know, just let yourself go where it goes. And I went everywhere. I had-
4:40 Christina Pazsitzky? You go into space?
4:41 Tom Segura? I went into space, but I mean, I had thoughts of like, there was times I was thinking about our kids, about you, friends, feelings, like it was, it was a real visual kind of journey that I let the sound kind of guide me.
4:54 Christina Pazsitzky? What did you think about us? Were you like, how do I murder? How do I kill?
4:58 Tom Segura? This is-
4:59 Christina Pazsitzky? How do I conceal the bodies?
5:01 Tom Segura? No.
5:01 Christina Pazsitzky? Cause I feel like that's a reprieve from what normally goes on in your brain, which is, I mean, yesterday I was watching the new Bridget Jones movie.
5:11 Tom Segura? Yeah.
5:11 Christina Pazsitzky? And you came in and you were like, this chick stuff. And I'm like-
5:15 Tom Segura? How did I say it?
5:16 Christina Pazsitzky? This stupid ass gay chick stuff.
5:18 Tom Segura? Yeah.
5:19 Christina Pazsitzky? And, um, and you were disappointed because there's no murder.
5:21 Tom Segura? Yeah, I was like, who gets killed in this? And you were like, nobody. I was like, oh, I don't want to watch this.
5:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. Cause like what goes on in your mind all day is what goes on in there? So as a sound bath, it must've been a pretty crazy thing for you.
5:36 Tom Segura? It was enjoyable though. I really enjoyed it. Yeah. It was like the, I don't know, it probably, how long did it last? 30 minutes? Something like that?
5:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Maybe an hour.
5:45 Tom Segura? Okay. It was probably the only hour I didn't think about death.
5:49 Tom Segura? In a long time, yeah.
5:51 Christina Pazsitzky? You know what I liked is she had, so I don't know if you've ever done a sound bath, people here, but-
5:56 Tom Segura? It was fucking cool.
5:57 Christina Pazsitzky? It's so fun because they have different, different sounds. Like one is like a rain.
6:01 Tom Segura? So see that, if you scroll up there, that second lady with, so it's sort of like that setup. She had all these types of instruments, right? Objects that would make-
6:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Chimes.
6:11 Tom Segura? And then you lay down, you cover your eyes, which I'm a big fan of. I love eye covers.
6:17 Tom Segura? And you have a, you're, you're comfortable.
6:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
6:19 Tom Segura? And then sounds begin.
6:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, hold on, Echo told us, that was our lady, our sound guide. She before notified us that she would be calling in, remember this, spirits? From other dimensions to assist us on our journey. And I was like, well, hold on. I didn't authorize that kind of stuff.
6:37 Tom Segura? The interesting thing is some of those spirits sort of sounded like Mexican kitchen workers that were in the room next door. I was like, wow, are the, are the sound spirits named Jose and Maria?
6:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, that was the fatal flaw of our sound bath is that it took place in a conference room in a hotel. And every now and then somebody would open the door.
6:57 Tom Segura? Open the door.
6:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I'm so sorry.
6:59 Tom Segura? He say, oh, okay, I closed door.
7:03 Tom Segura? Oye, Juan Jose. And then we were like, oh, okay.
7:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Kind of took us out of the moment and the journey.
7:10 Tom Segura? But then I would lose myself in it again.
7:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, it's easy to get back in and I like the sounds, they sound like little twinkles, like twinkle. And then she walks around you.
7:18 Tom Segura? Yeah. So you would all of a sudden it would get real loud. Dum, dum, dum. You're like, whoa. And then you'd hear it fade to the next person.
7:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. And then I was so worried you would fart because you, we, it's at a higher altitude Sedona. And we all had altitude farts.
7:33 Tom Segura? Hmm. But somebody was kind of the leader in that department. Do you remember who that was?
7:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Is it me?
7:38 Tom Segura? That was you.
7:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Thank you.
7:40 Tom Segura? Yeah.
7:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Tell, tell.
7:42 Tom Segura? Well.
7:42 Christina Pazsitzky? I like that you're supportive of.
7:44 Tom Segura? I wouldn't call it support. It was, um, probably the boldest thing. That I don't even know if you were aware that you did it because it was so offensive. That somebody was outdoors, reading a book by a fire pit. Clearly in just the most relaxed, enjoyable state. This woman was happy. She was at peace. She's reading outside. The climate was, was cool, but it was, it was, it was nice. The fire and she's reading a book and you walked right next to her and farted in her face. You farted in her face and you, your ass was at her face level. And you just were like, hope you're enjoying the book.
8:29 Christina Pazsitzky? I did.
8:30 Tom Segura? Like right in her face, basically. And then she was, just went like.
8:35 Christina Pazsitzky? She really did.
8:35 Tom Segura? Yeah, of course. She was like.
8:37 Christina Pazsitzky? That's your interpretation of what happened. For me, it was just, I was trying to impress you, trying to get on your level.
8:43 Tom Segura? Did you notice her before you did that?
8:44 Christina Pazsitzky? No.
8:44 Tom Segura? Yeah.
8:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Did not. Don't care. It's my vacation. This was my time in Sedona. I was connecting with higher vibrations.
8:51 Tom Segura? Vibrations are what she felt, too.
8:55 Christina Pazsitzky? I didn't, I honestly did not know that I farted on a woman.
8:58 Tom Segura? It was, it merited an apology, just so you know.
9:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Really?
9:01 Tom Segura? Absolutely.
9:01 Christina Pazsitzky? I did not, I did not.
9:03 Tom Segura? I'm so embarrassed. Excuse me. Yeah.
9:05 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, gosh. Now I feel bad.
9:07 Tom Segura? Yeah, well, yeah.
9:08 Christina Pazsitzky? I did not know that. I really didn't know that.
9:10 Tom Segura? You farted in her face.
9:14 Tom Segura? Yeah. She, her whole week got ruined. Yeah.
9:18 Christina Pazsitzky? What did she look like?
9:19 Tom Segura? Yeah.
9:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah, this is not my fault. Thank you for bringing this up, Josh. He just Googled that gas and bloating at high altitudes are common and can be caused by a number of factors, including lower air pressure, trapped gas, and swallowing air. It's not my fault, is what I think Josh Solo is trying to say. Thank you so much for being on the side here.
9:35 Tom Segura? You pushed it out. It wasn't like, oh, how did this happen? You know? You pushed it up.
9:40 Christina Pazsitzky? I wanted to impress you. What's so bad about wanting your spouse's approval? That's our love language, babe.
9:45 Tom Segura? That is true.
9:46 Christina Pazsitzky? I love, I really enjoyed Sedona. I like that you and I did that. And then you went on a little bit of a psychedelic thing, too.
9:53 Tom Segura? I did a little extra journey. I met a cool local named Sage. And they have the coolest names there. Echo, Sage. And I smoked DMT with him.
10:05 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow, just a stranger at the place we were staying at. But that's Sedona.
10:09 Tom Segura? Yeah. And I gotta say, visual journey.
10:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Tell me about it, because I've never done that. I've, I've never done that.
10:15 Tom Segura? I was scared as shit.
10:16 Christina Pazsitzky? I was scared too.
10:18 Tom Segura? And he was like, no, dude, you're not, it's, because I was just thinking, I always compare like, something like that, anything that's presented to me, like mushrooms, I always, or like ayahuasca, anything, I always think of edibles. And I'm like, man, you know how a strong edible will fucking like wreck you?
10:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, dude.
10:38 Tom Segura? So I was like, that's all I keep going. That's my, for whatever reason, that's my reference point. I was like, I was like, oh, man, because people talk about like breakthroughs and, and, you know, these journeys. I'm like, is this gonna be like a, a fucking 200-milligram edible?
10:55 Tom Segura? He kept saying, no, but like also like, yeah, but, but prepare yourself. You know, I was like, all right. And I, I was worried about it. And um, I was like, fuck. And so we sat by this fire pit. There was no one farting and we just sat there.
11:10 Christina Pazsitzky? What's the point?
11:11 Tom Segura? I know. And then I guess DMT, pure DMT has a lower burning point.
11:17 Christina Pazsitzky? What does that mean?
11:17 Tom Segura? Um, that like the, you don't need a high flame for it to?
11:23 Christina Pazsitzky? Yo, I didn't even know you light it like crack?
11:27 Tom Segura? I mean, I didn't think of crack. I thought of-
11:29 Christina Pazsitzky? How do you take it? It's like a pipe?
11:31 Tom Segura? Yeah, I put it in a pipe.
11:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh my God, dude. Like opium or fucking crack?
11:36 Tom Segura? Yeah, so he was like, you know, you ever smoked crack? And I was like, yeah.
11:40 Christina Pazsitzky? Who hasn't?
11:41 Tom Segura? And so what they do is they put the DMT in-
11:43 Christina Pazsitzky? What?
11:44 Tom Segura? They pack it around weed. So that the weed kind of burns around it.
11:49 Christina Pazsitzky? What does the DMT look like? Is it sticky like opium?
11:52 Tom Segura? Like white, um, yeah, like crack, like crack.
11:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Like crack?
11:57 Tom Segura? Yeah.
11:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Dude, you smoked rocks, bro.
11:59 Tom Segura? Yeah.
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14:48 Tom Segura? There it is.
14:48 Christina Pazsitzky? What? What is DMT?
14:51 Tom Segura? It's just like cool crack.
14:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, so it's sprinkled in with pot so that you get... See, the pot alone would make me crazy. Can you do it purely without the pot?
15:00 Tom Segura? I guess you can, but I think it burns easier if you have the... That's what I was told. All right, I'm not the expert.
15:05 Christina Pazsitzky? I was too scared to touch it.
15:07 Tom Segura? I know.
15:07 Christina Pazsitzky? You were like, "Do you want to go into the forest with this guy I met?"
15:12 Tom Segura? Yeah.
15:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Do DMT? I was like, "No, I don't."
15:14 Speaker 06 They got DMT pens now.
15:16 Tom Segura? Yeah, they got DMT pens.
15:17 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I'm scared.
15:18 Tom Segura? I've never... Yeah, this is my first time. So I've been offered the pens before. I haven't done it. But anyway, he was like, you know, he was like, "Get naked." And I was like, "Okay." And he's like, you know, "I'll sit on your lap. This will make you relax."
15:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
15:33 Tom Segura? So once we got like...
15:34 Christina Pazsitzky? And a massage, sexual massage.
15:36 Tom Segura? Yeah, he just kind of... But no, totally not sexual, actually. Just like perennial, like you just rub each other's prostate, and you're like, "All right, I'm ready. I'm ready." And then...
15:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Was Will Blunderfell there?
15:49 Tom Segura? No, no, no, no, not like that. But then, so we kiss a little bit and then he gives me the pipe and...
15:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Wait, his name is Sage?
15:57 Tom Segura? Yeah, he goes, "Take three, take three hits."
16:01 Christina Pazsitzky? Three hits?
16:01 Tom Segura? Yeah, he goes, "The first, after the second one, you're not gonna want the third one, but you need the third one." That's what he said.
16:07 Christina Pazsitzky? But you need it. You're not gonna want it, but you need it.
16:10 Tom Segura? Yeah, I was like, okay. So I pulled the first one. He was like, "Ooh, that's a good pull." And then I was like, "Gosh, shit, damn." Second one, he's like, "And now the third, do that third."
16:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Dang.
16:21 Tom Segura? Okay. And I did the third and, um, yeah, you go, I do, like, I felt like something was like holding you down in the seat, like I couldn't really move.
16:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Sounds terrible. And you were, you were in a chair?
16:37 Tom Segura? Yeah, I was in a chair, comfortable.
16:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, so you're like, you go back in your chair, like heroin, kinda, right? You're like, and you feel heavy?
16:43 Tom Segura? Yeah, kind of, yeah, yeah, kinda heavy in the head and, and I couldn't open my eyes.
16:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Did that scare you?
16:49 Tom Segura? No, because the visuals were, started to become like really cool.
16:53 Christina Pazsitzky? In your brain?
16:54 Tom Segura? Yeah.
16:54 Christina Pazsitzky? You're like, you're popping in your brain.
16:55 Tom Segura? Yeah, you're seeing...
16:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Like neurons and stuff firing.
16:58 Tom Segura? All kinds of shapes and colors and, you know, I saw a bunch of like, I saw this red caterpillar that had like fire going around it.
17:06 Christina Pazsitzky? You're not telling me, tell me the truth.
17:08 Tom Segura? I swear.
17:09 Christina Pazsitzky? A caterpillar?
17:09 Tom Segura? Yeah, a red one.
17:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Like Alice in Wonderland?
17:11 Tom Segura? Like fire red, yeah.
17:12 Christina Pazsitzky? That's tight.
17:13 Tom Segura? Yeah, and things were like moving and then bones that were turning in circles and then I was like really enjoying it. And then one time, he was, uh, oh, we did it a second time. So then he was like, "I don't know if you really got the full thing, let's do it again." So we did it a second time and he put more in there. And then on the second time, I was really like, whoa, seeing all this shit. And then he goes, "Wait." After I was over, he's like, "What'd you see there?" I go, "Why?" He goes, "You went like this."
17:41 Tom Segura? I was like, "Oh."
17:41 Christina Pazsitzky? He was just watching you?
17:42 Tom Segura? Yeah, he was watching.
17:43 Christina Pazsitzky? What a creep.
17:43 Tom Segura? He goes, I go, "There was a blue dragon that kept like trying to bite." He goes, "Yeah, cuz you went."
17:51 Tom Segura? And then, and then the next day, when I saw him walk around, he went.
17:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Did he cup your balls to comfort you?
17:58 Tom Segura? Yeah, he was just like, come in my hand.
18:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
18:00 Tom Segura? That's what I did.
18:01 Christina Pazsitzky? Cause he gave you drugs that floored you and then he was watching you fry, like watching you take a journey.
18:06 Tom Segura? Yeah.
18:07 Christina Pazsitzky? That doesn't sound remotely.
18:07 Tom Segura? Well, he was jacking off.
18:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
18:09 Tom Segura? Yeah. Shit, we haven't even opened the show.
18:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Hold on, I've got so many more questions.
18:14 Tom Segura? Well, those are the end of your questions. Here we go. Let's open the show.
18:19 Speaker 07 I'm outside Victoria's Secret. The secret is that I just took a diarrhea in the dressing room because I ate too much orange chicken.
18:29 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh.
18:30 Speaker 07 At the Panda Express.
18:31 Christina Pazsitzky? So good. I get it. I love that on trace.
18:35 Tom Segura? That's the secret.
18:39 Speaker 00 Well, welcome, welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.
18:47 Speaker 00 Christina Pizzicino.
18:50 Speaker 00 Welcome to your mom's house.
18:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
19:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
19:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha.
19:27 Tom Segura? Bam.
19:28 Christina Pazsitzky? I didn't even tell you what happened to me in my vortex.
19:30 Tom Segura? Yeah.
19:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Did I? So I went to a vortex.
19:33 Tom Segura? In Sedona?
19:34 Christina Pazsitzky? It's a spiritual location in Sedona where you get downloads and you know, you're high vibrations. And I didn't get any, but I got to see a bird fly at like my eye level, bro. Like a fucking black crow. He was like chilling like right there. And I was like, oh, that was worth it. You ever seen a fucking crow fly like right at your fucking eye level? Yeah, dude. You know what I'm saying? I was too scared to do the drugs, but I I tripped out on a fucking bird, bro. It was like talking to me. He was all, he's all, let go bitch.
20:05 Tom Segura? I asked Sage for more DMT.
20:09 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm not digging that stuff.
20:10 Tom Segura? Yeah, I was like, send some, bro.
20:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Cause you know what? I've done LSD in my formative years.
20:15 Tom Segura? Yeah.
20:15 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't know why I'm whispering.
20:17 Tom Segura? I don't know either.
20:18 Christina Pazsitzky? But I don't need to see stuff anymore.
20:21 Tom Segura? Okay, that's fine.
20:22 Christina Pazsitzky? But that's, I'm happy for you.
20:23 Tom Segura? Yeah, I enjoyed it.
20:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Did you learn anything?
20:25 Tom Segura? No, it was just like, it was a nice, it was a good experience. I enjoyed it. Yeah, it was the opposite of scary.
20:31 Christina Pazsitzky? That's nice. That is nice.
20:32 Tom Segura? Wasn't scary.
20:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay. Okay, so this, this, I have so many thoughts about this opening clip.
20:38 Tom Segura? Yeah.
20:39 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean, first of all, orange chicken at Panda Express.
20:41 Speaker 07 The secret is that I just took a diarrhea.
20:47 Tom Segura? That's Victoria's Secret.
20:50 Christina Pazsitzky? I understand she's in a mall, clearly. She went to the food court.
20:53 Tom Segura? Yeah.
20:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Get it. Why not find a toilet? I've had diarrhea in the mall here at the domain. One time I was at Free People and I felt diarrhea coming on. You know what I did?
21:02 Tom Segura? Yeah.
21:03 Christina Pazsitzky? I left and I looked for a toilet and I found one.
21:05 Tom Segura? Yeah.
21:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Malls have toilets. So my question is, was she trying on a thong? And?
21:11 Tom Segura? Don't think so. I'm looking, I don't think it was the thong.
21:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I don't think she's trying on stuff at Victoria's.
21:17 Tom Segura? I think she went in there just to shit in the dressing room.
21:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Shut the front door.
21:20 Tom Segura? I mean, look at her.
21:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Who does that?
21:22 Tom Segura? Her. What do you think that lady's above shitting where she shouldn't shit?
21:26 Christina Pazsitzky? But then, is she shitting in her pants and the, no, no, no, she's pulling down her pants and then going into the, the room?
21:34 Tom Segura? She went from Panda Express to Victoria's Secret. First of all, this woman's a fucking menace.
21:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Why? What's wrong with those? What's wrong?
21:41 Tom Segura? What do you mean? That's not the two-stop way to do things.
21:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh.
21:44 Tom Segura? Panda Express, then go, I'm gonna go to the lingerie store? I don't think so.
21:47 Christina Pazsitzky? You should flip the order.
21:49 Tom Segura? Yeah.
21:49 Christina Pazsitzky? You buy your lingerie first and then?
21:51 Tom Segura? And then you fill up with diarrhea food, yeah.
21:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Panda Express is so goddamn good, though.
21:55 Tom Segura? Sure.
21:56 Christina Pazsitzky? That orange chicken?
21:57 Tom Segura? No one's mad at that. No, but she is gnarly. That's the secret.
22:03 Christina Pazsitzky? She has nice hair, Tom.
22:05 Tom Segura? She has nice hair. She has nice hair.
22:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Have you ever shat in a, um, dressing room?
22:09 Tom Segura? No.
22:10 Christina Pazsitzky? I haven't either.
22:12 Tom Segura? By the way, you wanna do like a little vibe shift real quick?
22:14 Christina Pazsitzky? Of course.
22:15 Tom Segura? Okay, I'll just, here, I'll give you something to like shift you into a good. Here we go.
22:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yes.
22:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, he's drinking Joe too.
22:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
22:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, my God. How long can he sustain that?
22:40 Tom Segura? I don't know. How do you do this?
22:45 Christina Pazsitzky? So crazy.
22:46 Tom Segura? So I looked, I looked this up.
22:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
22:49 Tom Segura? What it, because I don't know what's happening.
22:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Sure.
22:51 Tom Segura? It's throat whistling, but I've never even heard, because whistling typically you see people with their lips, right? Like the sound, he can whistle from here. I don't even understand that.
23:01 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't understand it either. What a skill.
23:02 Tom Segura? I don't understand how it happens.
23:04 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't either.
23:04 Tom Segura? And how he manipulate, I mean, how he manipulates.
23:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, that's how he calibrates the sounds.
23:09 Tom Segura? Right, but how does it even start, you know?
23:14 Speaker 02 I was a blues man when this shit came out.
23:16 Tom Segura? Hell, yeah.
23:17 Speaker 02 Rock and roll was so fucked up back there.
23:19 Tom Segura? Right.
23:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Whoa.
23:23 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I love a song.
23:24 Tom Segura? Guns N' Roses?
23:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, wow.
23:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Holy shit. I would pay to see him do a concert of all my favorite songs.
23:43 Tom Segura? I bet you can.
23:44 Christina Pazsitzky? You think he could cover Bauhaus or The Cure? Oh, wow. I wish he would do Bela Lugosi's Dead. That's a long one.
23:51 Tom Segura? Okay, here's what it says online. "To whistle with your throat, also called throat whistling."
23:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
23:57 Tom Segura? You essentially-
23:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Cool name, very creative.
23:58 Tom Segura? -create a constriction in your throat by manipulating your vocal cords while directing a stream of air through a specific mouth position, usually with a slightly open mouth and a flattened tongue near the bottom teeth, allowing the air to vibrate and produce a whistling sound. This technique requires practice and precise control of your throat muscles and tongue placement. And now, everybody, let's all see everybody try to throat whistle.
24:25 Christina Pazsitzky? You try it, Tom.
24:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Nobody-
24:36 Tom Segura? Any?
24:41 Speaker 06 Nah.
24:42 Tom Segura? Give it a shot. Just try.
24:45 Speaker 06 No, no. It ain't there, bro. The fuck? I don't know how you do that.
24:50 Tom Segura? Yeah, I mean, this guy, when you talk about like, unique talents for real.
24:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. There's nobody that can do what this guy does.
24:56 Tom Segura? I've never even met a throat whistler.
24:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Neither have I.
24:58 Tom Segura? None of my friends have ever been like, you want, hey, you want to see some shit?
25:01 Christina Pazsitzky? No.
25:02 Tom Segura? And dropped the throat whistle.
25:03 Christina Pazsitzky? Nobody. I mean, I've had friends that can do the two fingers and that and.
25:07 Tom Segura? That is awesome. When people do that.
25:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
25:09 Tom Segura? And it sounds like.
25:10 Christina Pazsitzky? I feel like Burt can do that. Doesn't Burt do that? Or he goes like that? Like he does that one. Burt Kersh- Kershner? Doesn't he do that?
25:20 Tom Segura? This guy?
25:20 Speaker 00 What's up, everybody, man? We are sitting here in the NOLA, the Big Easy, at Super Bowl 59, man. The biggest event in America. Sitting right next to Burt Kershaw. Hey, I can't pronounce the last name. Burt Kreiser. Burt Kreiser.
25:38 Speaker 00 Burt Kershaw.
25:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Just, he can't win.
25:43 Tom Segura? That bit is fucking 15 years old now. And nobody's ever caught on.
25:48 Speaker 00 Burt Kershaw.
25:49 Tom Segura? Burt Kershaw. That's a new one. We've heard so many variations. Kershire.
25:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Kershire.
25:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Nobody can get it.
25:58 Tom Segura? And look at his face. Burt's like, uh, yeah. Here we go.
26:04 Christina Pazsitzky? At the Super Bowl.
26:05 Tom Segura? I love that it, part of his head goes, I thought it was famous enough for someone to get it right.
26:11 Christina Pazsitzky? It's amazing.
26:13 Speaker 00 Burt Kershaw.
26:15 Tom Segura? Oh, fuck.
26:16 Christina Pazsitzky? That's why I changed my last name from Pajitski to P.
26:19 Tom Segura? That was a good call.
26:19 Christina Pazsitzky? By the way, buy my lipstick, ChristinaP.com. You get, she get all four colors at the same time. I'm wearing Berlin today. That's the darkest. Perfect red, atomic red, Madison.
26:31 Tom Segura? Someone came up to me this weekend.
26:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes.
26:32 Tom Segura? Goes, um. I never wear red lipstick. And I go, okay. And she goes, I bought Christina's. She goes, that's the only red that I've ever worn. She goes, I love it.
26:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Cause it's the perfect one.
26:44 Tom Segura? It is perfect.
26:44 Christina Pazsitzky? It's not too chalky. It's not too runny. It lasts just the right amount of time in my estimation. So try it out. ChristinaP.com.
26:52 Tom Segura? Try it out.
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27:34 Christina Pazsitzky? wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Jimm Shark or Mattel uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com/moms house, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com/moms house to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com/moms house.
28:03 Tom Segura? Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, Cigars International has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day induced stress. As the industry leader, Cigars International enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free everyday shipping, no codes, no minimums. You just buy the cigars and they show up. That's it. With Cigars International's unbeatable deals and discounts. There's no better time to stock up and take advantage of what is arguably the best
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29:05 Christina Pazsitzky? What else am I gonna say? Birkurshun or, oh fuck, I forgot.
29:09 Tom Segura? There is this fart thing that you might like.
29:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
29:12 Tom Segura? That maybe.
29:12 Christina Pazsitzky? I always like fart things.
29:14 Speaker 03 Why should you never hold in a fart?
29:18 Speaker 08 You know, a fart is gas. You know, it's a chemical. It's a bunch of chemicals. And when you hold in a fart, there's a percentage of that fart vapor which will diffuse through the walls of the colon, through the walls of the intestine.
29:33 Christina Pazsitzky? The what?
29:33 Speaker 08 And eventually it will go to your bloodstream.
29:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh shit.
29:36 Speaker 08 All the blood circulates and eventually goes to the lungs where the waste products are then exhaled out. So there's a tiny percentage of your fart, which if you hold it in, will go to your bloodstream, go to the lungs, and then be exhaled out. So you will have fart.
29:54 Speaker 03 You're gonna breathe it. You're gonna breathe it instead of farting it if you don't fart it.
29:57 Speaker 08 You will exhale fart. So you will literally breathe out fart fumes if you hold it in.
30:05 Speaker 08 It's physiology. It's science.
30:07 Speaker 03 Science, baby. This is what we're here for.
30:10 Christina Pazsitzky? That is horrifying.
30:12 Tom Segura? Yeah. So you did that lady a favor.
30:14 Christina Pazsitzky? I did her a big favor. Do you know that there's couples?
30:17 Tom Segura? By the way, that's Chris.
30:18 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
30:18 Tom Segura? And I did his podcast. If you don't know, it's called Modern Wisdom.
30:22 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes.
30:22 Tom Segura? I just did it a couple of weeks ago.
30:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Very sweet. I've met him at the mothership.
30:26 Tom Segura? Really nice guy.
30:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, super sweet. There's couples that don't fart in front of each other and couples that hold in farts for years and years. Can you imagine?
30:36 Tom Segura? I know. Well, I've heard that because I've heard people go, oh, when you meet somebody, I go, what do you do? And they're like, well, you know, you excuse yourself or you leave. Like for, what if you have like a bunch of farts? You just keep get up and you leave over and over? It's kind of weird, right?
30:51 Christina Pazsitzky? It just seems like. Like a hard way to live your entire life with another person, excuse me.
30:56 Tom Segura? Oh, Annie's one of these.
30:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Ew.
30:58 Tom Segura? Don't you have, like, you have a policy, right? A girl can't fart in front of you?
31:01 Speaker 06 No, no, I didn't say that.
31:03 Tom Segura? I thought you told me before that, like, you were completely against a girl ever farting in front of you.
31:07 Speaker 06 No, there was a time that a girl burped in my face and I almost broke up with her. Cause I was like, that shit ain't funny. But, uh, no, I don't care about farts. Also, that thing with the breathing shit don't make sense because how you gonna not breathe in the fart when you fart? You already breathing it in, nigga. What you mean?
31:23 Tom Segura? Wait, what are you saying?
31:24 Christina Pazsitzky? So what he's saying is-
31:24 Tom Segura? What you're saying is if you fart-
31:26 Speaker 06 If you fart, you already breathing it.
31:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, wow. I didn't even think about that.
31:28 Speaker 06 Partial breathing a fart that you didn't fart?
31:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, my God. There's no win situation.
31:33 Speaker 06 You breathing it regardless.
31:34 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, look, you may as well enjoy the sound that the fart makes and laugh. Why not have a laugh at the same time as you're breathing and farts?
31:41 Speaker 06 Oh, speaking of farts. Tom, I remember you were hyped about the fart walk, right? Long time ago?
31:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes, yes. He can fart. He goes.
31:50 Speaker 06 As you walk, right? I was wondering if you've, if you've, the other day I experienced, I think, the optimal fart walk.
31:56 Tom Segura? What's that?
31:57 Speaker 06 It's a fart walk downstairs.
32:00 Tom Segura? Oh.
32:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, wow.
32:01 Tom Segura? As you go down the stairs?
32:03 Speaker 06 Yo, cause, because as you go down, it like, you gotta spread it fur- it spreads your cheeks further-
32:08 Tom Segura? That's right.
32:08 Speaker 06 As you go on the next step, yo.
32:10 Tom Segura? Cause it gets, it gets real musical. Yeah, yeah. The pitch changes more than a flat road fart walk. Yeah.
32:16 Speaker 06 Yeah.
32:16 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't think I've had one. I don't know if I've had one.
32:19 Tom Segura? Oh, no, I've done that. Yeah.
32:21 Christina Pazsitzky? The fart stair walk.
32:22 Tom Segura? A fart stair walk is cool.
32:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow. I don't think I could relax enough to do that.
32:26 Tom Segura? Sometimes too, if you go on, if you jog.
32:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah.
32:29 Tom Segura? Yeah, so it's more of a fart jog.
32:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Sure.
32:31 Tom Segura? Also, the movement is a little more than a walk stride. So you'll hear different, like, pitches, you know? It's pretty cool. Yeah.
32:40 Christina Pazsitzky? That's really cool, Tom.
32:43 Tom Segura? It's very cool. It's Black History Month and in-
32:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, Annie, congratulations.
32:47 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah, congrats. Thanks, guys. In honor of you, our black brothers and sisters, we bring you this gift.
32:56 Christina Pazsitzky? All right.
33:23 Tom Segura? So cool.
33:24 Christina Pazsitzky? That's a great, that's in the Castro, it looks like. Queering out the women, they were queering out the dudes.
33:28 Tom Segura? Yeah.
33:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Hitler burned queer books.
33:35 Christina Pazsitzky? You know, this comes right off the tail of-
33:40 Tom Segura? Yeah.
33:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Black and indigenous, Creole and Romani. Do they sound like that?
33:47 Tom Segura? Dude, it's fantastic.
33:48 Christina Pazsitzky? I've been, I've been listening to it on a roll.
33:49 Tom Segura? It sounds like it.
33:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. African American, Puerto Rican, not the Jews, cuz nobody likes them.
33:57 Tom Segura? Well, that's, I-
33:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Everybody else is included.
34:03 Tom Segura? Creole.
34:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Creole. Romani. Creole. Before Hitler got on meth, he was a guy to go fishing with.
34:11 Tom Segura? That's what I'm saying.
34:13 Christina Pazsitzky? It's the craziest sentence I've ever heard. Before Hitler got on meth. You know what it sounds like? It sounds like Stevie.
34:20 Tom Segura? Yeah.
34:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Old Stevie. It's exactly-
34:22 Tom Segura? Catfist and Bash loves frogs. I'm smart. I knows what's to do.
34:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
34:26 Tom Segura? Yeah.
34:27 Christina Pazsitzky? He sounds just like Stevie.
34:27 Tom Segura? That's true.
34:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
34:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow. This is a powerful song. We gotta learn this.
34:33 Tom Segura? Yeah, this one's really cool.
34:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Follow your black sisters.
34:36 Tom Segura? Yeah, that is, um-
34:37 Christina Pazsitzky? It's funny, it's always white ladies taking up this cause. They always take up everybody else's cause. The white ladies, huh?
34:43 Tom Segura? Yeah.
34:44 Christina Pazsitzky? These fucking ladies, these broads. Do you think these broads fuck? Oh, here we go. Black and indigenous, people of color. Black and indigenous, people of color. Lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, and queer. Yep. Lesbian, gay, bi, transgender, and queer. Asian, American, Pacific-
35:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, Pacific Islanders, we forgot. Oh shit.
35:18 Christina Pazsitzky? Romanis.
35:21 Christina Pazsitzky? You're Latino.
35:23 Tom Segura? How come she's, how come she's getting regular Asians, just Asian Americans?
35:29 Christina Pazsitzky? She didn't say black, did she?
35:31 Tom Segura? Yeah.
35:31 Christina Pazsitzky? She did.
35:32 Tom Segura? It was African.
35:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, it was African American.
35:38 Tom Segura? There was no Jewish mention, though. That is interesting. She mentioned everybody.
35:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh my, I felt that antisemitism.
35:45 Tom Segura? Kinda makes you wonder.
35:46 Speaker 09 I honestly think that Hitler was a good guy.
35:48 Tom Segura? Yeah, that's kinda strange to list everybody.
35:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Dude, she didn't list the Jews.
35:54 Tom Segura? Yeah.
35:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Or Palestinians.
35:56 Tom Segura? Does she list Muslims? I didn't hear that.
35:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow, she did not, Tom.
36:00 Tom Segura? It's actually
36:01 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
36:01 Tom Segura? a very not-inclusive song.
36:03 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
36:04 Tom Segura? You specifically left out two very
36:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Big groups.
36:09 Tom Segura? Big, small groups.
36:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Right.
36:11 Tom Segura? Yeah.
36:16 Christina Pazsitzky? She's so full of hate. But she made it, she made it all about the gays. It says about the gays. The first part of the song is just about the gays, and then she goes into the people of color.
36:25 Tom Segura? Shameless.
36:26 Christina Pazsitzky? But then she lumps in Creole with Latin and Hispanic. Wait, hold on. Latin and Hispanic aren't the same? Aren't you guys all the
36:34 Tom Segura? No.
36:35 Christina Pazsitzky? What's the difference between Latin and Hispanic?
36:38 Tom Segura? Well, here's a little geography lesson for you. Latin encompasses Latin America, which is the basic, what you know as
36:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Not this America, I'll tell you that.
36:46 Tom Segura? So like, kind of further down south.
36:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Sure.
36:49 Tom Segura? And Hispanic would be Hispaniola, like Spain.
36:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I didn't know that.
36:54 Tom Segura? The Spanish people are Hispanic.
36:55 Christina Pazsitzky? Didn't know that. I just lumped you guys all in, speaking your fucking dirty whatever.
36:58 Tom Segura? Hispanics are not Latin.
37:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Not European is what I called it, okay?
37:03 Tom Segura? Yeah.
37:05 Tom Segura? Well, there's Christina for you guys.
37:07 Christina Pazsitzky? She did not include She didn't include my people. Slovakian, Romanian, Hungarians. Come on, man. She's full of hate.
37:17 Tom Segura? Um, people are saying, by the way, speaking of Latins.
37:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
37:21 Tom Segura? People are saying this is Charo at Disney. Have you seen this?
37:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Nightmare.
37:27 Speaker 02 That's me. Sit. You like that picture?
37:35 Speaker 02 Sit, they turn off.
37:38 Tom Segura? Is that true?
37:40 Christina Pazsitzky? No. Your mom's way classier. I like to say something. I'm gonna, and I'm, and I, I'm not a Disney adult by any stretch.
37:48 Tom Segura? No.
37:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Is this Disneyland? This appears to be Disneyland, correct? Not Disney World?
37:53 Tom Segura? Yeah, I think so.
37:54 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean, last time we were at Disneyland, I felt that it wasn't indicative of a real classy Disney experience. Like, these work, the people they're hiring now are not upholding the Disney brand. They're being rude, they're being like too casual.
38:10 Tom Segura? Welcome to the fucking new world, dude. This is everything.
38:13 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't like it.
38:14 Tom Segura? This is everything after COVID, honestly.
38:17 Christina Pazsitzky? You think, what is that? It's just like they can't find people?
38:20 Tom Segura? Yes.
38:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Like, normal people?
38:21 Tom Segura? Yeah.
38:21 Christina Pazsitzky? This is disgusting.
38:22 Tom Segura? You get these bottom feeders working everywhere now. You get these, I'm serious. Every fucking service person is dog shit now. They're the worst. Yeah, and I'm talking to you, if you have a job like that, you suck.
38:34 Christina Pazsitzky? Jesus Christ, Tom. No! They're not all suck.
38:36 Tom Segura? They're all fucking losers.
38:37 Christina Pazsitzky? No.
38:38 Tom Segura? Yeah, they are. Yeah, they are. You guys are the worst.
38:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Disneyland workers who flick their tongues out at you.
38:48 Tom Segura? No. They suck.
38:49 Christina Pazsitzky? She doesn't get included. No, because when we took our boys to Disney last year, I noticed that, that the staffers are, they're not like upholding the, the Disney vibe anymore.
38:59 Tom Segura? Yeah.
39:00 Christina Pazsitzky? That's terrible.
39:01 Tom Segura? No, it's not the same.
39:02 Christina Pazsitzky? It's not the same.
39:02 Tom Segura? But I was making the comment more seriously about the service industry. It is, it's totally different now.
39:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, stop. It hasn't bounced back?
39:08 Tom Segura? Definitely not.
39:09 Christina Pazsitzky? You don't feel that anymore?
39:10 Tom Segura? Any type of, like, go to restaurants, hotels, airlines, every place that like there's some type-
39:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Airlines are always atrocious.
39:18 Tom Segura? But it's worse. It's all worse.
39:19 Christina Pazsitzky? It's way worse, or the airlines are garbage.
39:21 Tom Segura? Hotels are worse.
39:22 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
39:23 Tom Segura? Restaurants are worse.
39:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Because I don't leave the house as much anymore.
39:26 Tom Segura? Because people-
39:27 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't go out.
39:27 Tom Segura? -left who had some of these jobs, and they replaced it with the fucking B squad, actually like the C squad.
39:34 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
39:34 Tom Segura? So that's, that's who has the job now.
39:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
39:37 Tom Segura? Yeah, it sucks.
39:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Um, we had a waiter, um, you remember the waiter?
39:41 Tom Segura? Yeah.
39:42 Christina Pazsitzky? In Sedona, who, like-
39:46 Speaker 02 How do I describe what it was like?
39:50 Christina Pazsitzky? It was like too much and he had like rehearsed.
39:54 Tom Segura? He had bits, he had bits.
39:55 Christina Pazsitzky? I, I hate the bits. I hate the, I've been a server at high, like a high end, um, French restaurant. I've been a server. I've been a cocktail waitress. I've worked at many levels.
40:05 Tom Segura? I don't know what the, yes.
40:06 Christina Pazsitzky? And there's a way to give service to people where it's not disingenuous like, hey, I could tell you didn't like that a bunch. Or like, he had stock lines for everything. I hated it.
40:18 Tom Segura? As somebody that makes fun of people all the time, I can't mock those people in front of them. Do you know what I mean?
40:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, it's mean. Yeah.
40:26 Tom Segura? I don't, yeah. Is it like just a nice thing that I'm doing?
40:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes, because it's mean.
40:29 Tom Segura? I sympathize with and I, and I just go along and I, I never mock them.
40:36 Tom Segura? That guy, man, it starts with, uh, just like the approach to the table. He goes,
40:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh my God.
40:43 Tom Segura? Hey, um, like,
40:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, it's too much.
40:46 Tom Segura? Jeff will be taking care of you guys tonight. Where are we in from? Where, where's everybody coming from? And right away I'm like, oh shit. But I still go, I don't mock them. I go, I'm coming from Austin. Austin, Longhorns. And you're like, yeah? And he's like, what are we celebrating? Whenever everybody tells me, what are we celebrating? I always just go dinner.
41:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. We're just here, guys. It's fucking hula hands. It's not gonna be a celebration.
41:10 Tom Segura? Birthday, anniversary, special occasion? I'm like, just dinner. It's evening. I haven't eaten dinner yet. And then he's like, okay, right. And then he, he just runs through his bits and, I got a little, little special something here off the menu. Uh, what, then he does like, oh yeah, there's like a seafood thing. He's like, it's not local. Cause there's no ocean. And you're like, no, I know.
41:35 Christina Pazsitzky? We got the bit.
41:36 Tom Segura? He's like, uh, flew it in, but I promise not, didn't come in last week. And then he starts laughing at all his stuff and I'm like, and you have to go like,
41:47 Tom Segura? Yeah, cuz there's no ocean.
41:50 Christina Pazsitzky? No.
41:50 Tom Segura? I know, but I can't ma- I can't mock him.
41:53 Christina Pazsitzky? He's like Colin Robinson, the emo- the emotional vampire from what we do in the shadows. Like, they, waiters can drain you of your life supply.
42:02 Tom Segura? They, yeah, yeah.
42:03 Christina Pazsitzky? And he was, and I'll tell you something, as someone that's been a waitress.
42:06 Tom Segura? He's a career waiter, that guy.
42:07 Christina Pazsitzky? He's, he is, and he provides excellent service. We'll say like, the level of service was great, like, he totally did his job. But I think when you become the, the main character in someone's dinner, you're also robbing that table of them just having an experience at a restaurant, cuz now you're like the life of the party. They don't need you to be the life of the party. You're just there to bring their food.
42:28 Tom Segura? He's doing his best. That's, that's the other thing, right?
42:30 Christina Pazsitzky? I know, but as, like I said, like, he doesn't need to, every, in every five seconds, you're like, pardon my reach? Like, it's fine. You don't need to pardon the reach, just get the cup out of my fucking life, okay? And then they give 500 plates for one thing, you know what I mean? Like, just fucking, it's okay, you don't have to come every two s- everything, okay, I have everything tasting. Like, just shut the fuck up, don't worry.
42:52 Tom Segura? Are you still good?
42:53 Christina Pazsitzky? You still good? Yeah, I'm fucking still good, I'll let you know. It's too much service. And can I, and what I learned in a French restaurant, when I worked at a French restaurant, you know what they, they teach you in a French restaurant? Is that when you're not bringing food to tables or waiting, you just stand in the room. You stand up against the wall with your hands, you know?
43:13 Tom Segura? Yeah.
43:13 Christina Pazsitzky? Just, and, and if they need you, they call you.
43:16 Tom Segura? Well, you read people, right? You read body language.
43:18 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, you're just looking, you just look.
43:20 Tom Segura? That's because, you know what that takes, though? Cuz I learned this about, I learned this from, so Acme Comedy Club is one of the best comedy clubs in the country. So for people that don't know how the way, the way most comedy clubs work is you're onstage, right? You're performing, everybody has ordered, everyone knows about two drink minimum, right? And then this thing that all comedians get to know, the check drop.
43:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
43:43 Tom Segura? What that means is usually like 45 minutes into the headliner set. Every server will drop the check for the people to pay before the show ends. And it always destroys the momentum of what you're doing on stage.
43:58 Christina Pazsitzky? It's the worst.
43:58 Tom Segura? But most comedy clubs don't care, right? They're just like, who cares?
44:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Time to get that money.
44:03 Tom Segura? So you're on stage, you're like in the middle of, let's say, like, your best, most well-structured bit.
44:10 Christina Pazsitzky? It's a closer, because you're working.
44:11 Tom Segura? Yeah, you're working towards your closer. And then they're just like, you gotta, well, you gotta pay, is that a Visa? We don't take American, like, like, you're like, cool. And then you just deal with it, right? So you just, what ends up happening is, as a seasoned comedian, you start to learn that like, if that check drop happens, pivot to something that doesn't need their focus.
44:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes.
44:31 Tom Segura? Because they can't focus while they're paying their bill. So anyway, like, the first time I did Acme, I was, I can remember I got offstage and I was like, I was like, man, everybody paid attention, I was like.
44:43 Christina Pazsitzky? What's that like?
44:44 Tom Segura? Is there no check drop here? And they're like, oh, no, there is. And I'm like, wait a minute, I didn't notice, though.
44:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
44:49 Tom Segura? And they go, oh, no, we give people their checks throughout the show depending on their pattern of ordering and consuming. And I was like.
44:58 Christina Pazsitzky? There you go.
44:59 Tom Segura? So what they're doing is, let's say, somebody has a beer, and then their second one, they're nursing it.
45:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Right.
45:06 Tom Segura? And it's 20 minutes into the show, they will just quietly put the bill there. And they go, this person's not gonna be consuming.
45:14 Christina Pazsitzky? Yep.
45:14 Tom Segura? Somebody else, let's say, orders a bucket of beers, they go, well, that's all they're gonna order.
45:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
45:19 Tom Segura? So then they give them their bill.
45:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
45:21 Tom Segura? 18 minutes in. So it's staggered, so that like, when that 45-minute, 50-minute time comes, there's not a massive drop.
45:29 Christina Pazsitzky? Smart.
45:30 Tom Segura? And I was like, oh, but what it takes is like, thought.
45:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Nuance.
45:33 Tom Segura? And they train the servers, they go, watch the person.
45:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
45:37 Tom Segura? Like, watch how they do it, and then drop it at the appropriate time.
45:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Right, because let's say, God forbid, the guy with the six bucket of beers.
45:44 Tom Segura? Yeah.
45:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Wants more alcohol.
45:46 Tom Segura? Yeah.
45:46 Christina Pazsitzky? Great, reopen the check.
45:47 Tom Segura? Yeah, do it again.
45:48 Christina Pazsitzky? And then I'd rather take the time as a server to reopen a check in the middle of the show.
45:53 Tom Segura? Yeah.
45:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Versus at the very end of the night, having a stack of fucking, you have to close out everybody's bill.
45:58 Tom Segura? And then.
45:58 Christina Pazsitzky? It's a lot of work.
45:59 Tom Segura? And then there's always like, well, how does the person respond to the bill? Sort of like this guy, you know?
46:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
46:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Guy Fieri, it's Guy Fieri, those who are listening.
46:28 Christina Pazsitzky? By the way, a dollar for sauces is ridiculous. Those should be complimentary.
46:31 Tom Segura? So this is, this is posted by Dan, a serial entrepreneur, small business advisor, and YouTuber. He's complaining about prices at Guy Fieri's restaurant. Um, I'll say this, I love Guy Fieri. I think he's the fucking, I think he's a fantastic person.
46:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
46:50 Tom Segura? Um, I loved when I met him and hung out with him. He was so gracious and so cool. I'm wondering, because of the noise here in the background, first of all, it sounds very busy. It sounds like a lot of people are paying seventy dollars.
47:01 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
47:01 Tom Segura? For two chicken sandwiches and two waters.
47:03 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
47:03 Tom Segura? Um, this feels like Vegas pricing.
47:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, right.
47:06 Tom Segura? Which is standard.
47:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
47:08 Tom Segura? Vegas, everything is like, what, you want a, like a basket of fries? It's forty dollars.
47:12 Christina Pazsitzky? It's the, and by the way, I've eaten at Guy Fieri's restaurant in an airport. Outstanding.
47:17 Tom Segura? It's good food.
47:17 Christina Pazsitzky? I really liked it. So I'll pay a dollar for a condiment. Okay, look, Hawaiian, I can't read this, my Motley Q. And I like that they name things funny. Motley Q, pulled pork sandwich, adorable.
47:32 Tom Segura? Twenty-three ninety-nine.
47:33 Christina Pazsitzky? That is a lot of money for a, is this in Vegas? You're right.
47:36 Tom Segura? I don't know. I don't know.
47:37 Christina Pazsitzky? That is a lot for a pulled pork sandwich?
47:40 Tom Segura? Yeah, but here's the thing.
47:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Twenty-three bones.
47:41 Tom Segura? This is, this is a tier of restaurants.
47:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Babe.
47:46 Tom Segura? Right?
47:46 Christina Pazsitzky? A bacon mac and cheeseburger at twenty-four ninety-nine.
47:49 Tom Segura? Yeah, but, but this is my point, though.
47:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
47:51 Tom Segura? This is not McDonald's.
47:52 Christina Pazsitzky? No, it's not. It's an upper.
47:54 Tom Segura? Yeah.
47:55 Christina Pazsitzky? But here's my thinking, from a branding perspective.
47:58 Tom Segura? Yeah.
47:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Guy Fieri, I thought would appeal to a, maybe like not so high tier price point. You know what I'm saying?
48:05 Tom Segura? It's Vegas.
48:06 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, it's Vegas, baby. Well, then it's Vegas.
48:08 Tom Segura? That's not crazy.
48:08 Christina Pazsitzky? That's Vegas, yeah. Vegas, baby.
48:10 Tom Segura? Vegas, everything is like this.
48:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
48:13 Tom Segura? This isn't, also, there's definitely a tier above this, if you wanna, if you're looking for high-priced items.
48:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Sure.
48:20 Tom Segura? You know, this is like.
48:21 Christina Pazsitzky? No, that's Vegas prices. You go anywhere else and you're gonna pay this much for crap.
48:25 Tom Segura? Absolutely.
48:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
48:26 Tom Segura? If you go to Chili's in Vegas, you're gonna pay this.
48:29 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, no, this is, this is not fair to do to Guy.
48:31 Tom Segura? Ain't no thing but a chicken mind, man.
48:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Can I tell you what is kind of disturbing, though, is that guy is holding the live chicken?
48:38 Tom Segura? And you're gonna eat it?
48:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. Like, maybe not. Like, I would hold the cooked version.
48:44 Tom Segura? No.
48:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Cause you don't want to think about the animal you're butchering.
48:47 Tom Segura? I'd put my arm around a cow and be like.
48:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Tom Segura steak.
48:50 Tom Segura? Steaks, yeah.
48:51 Christina Pazsitzky? This guy's so mad.
48:53 Tom Segura? That's what I'm laughing at. This dude is so pissed off.
48:57 Christina Pazsitzky? But like, he didn't.
48:58 Tom Segura? Funniest thing.
48:59 Christina Pazsitzky? But he didn't see the prices before he ordered? Like, you can look at the menu, bro.
49:03 Tom Segura? Um.
49:04 Christina Pazsitzky? You don't gotta eat there, homie. Look at the prices before you fucking.
49:06 Tom Segura? He's so mad.
49:07 Christina Pazsitzky? He's so mad.
49:32 Christina Pazsitzky? He's so mad.
49:33 Tom Segura? Can you go to his Instagram?
49:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow.
49:36 Tom Segura? It's. Yeah, sure. I A Allegedly? I Allegedly, is that right? Yeah. Is that his?
49:48 Christina Pazsitzky? You know, we've all got our things.
49:49 Tom Segura? So what's he normally like?
49:52 Tom Segura? What's he say here?
49:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
49:55 Speaker 10 I just wanted to say, Happy New Year. I truly appreciate each and every one of you being part of.
50:02 Christina Pazsitzky? A normal.
50:02 Speaker 10 I Allegedly and subscribing to the channel and.
50:05 Tom Segura? Okay.
50:05 Speaker 10 I look forward to 2025. We're going to have an amazing year. So much is gonna happen.
50:11 Tom Segura? Very different energy.
50:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, he's normal here. He's professional. You know what it is?
50:16 Tom Segura? Hmm.
50:17 Christina Pazsitzky? You go to Vegas, you put a few in him, and he starts ri- he gets angry.
50:21 Tom Segura? Look, he's happy in that one, the one you just clicked on there. Yeah.
50:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, he's sauced up in that one.
50:25 Speaker 10 I'm on Saint Kitts shopping.
50:27 Tom Segura? Saint Kitts!
50:28 Speaker 10 They've got cigarettes.
50:30 Tom Segura? He's happy about smokes?
50:31 Speaker 10 And they say smoking kills. So kids, don't smoke, okay? Cause smoking kills. That is hilarious, guys. Look at this. I'll say. Smoking pills, smoking pills.
50:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, they're not subtle about that in other countries.
50:46 Speaker 10 Right there.
50:47 Christina Pazsitzky? They put pictures of lungs and stuff.
50:49 Tom Segura? It says, please be kind to everyone onward and upward, all the best. Fuck you, guy. You piece of shit. He really did not like getting that bill. Also, didn't he know the prices?
51:00 Christina Pazsitzky? That's what I said.
51:01 Tom Segura? Right?
51:02 Christina Pazsitzky? I literally said that when we, yeah, like you can see the prices on the menu.
51:07 Tom Segura? Yeah.
51:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Before you order. So why is he shocked?
51:10 Tom Segura? Right, because if they're like $23.99 each, yeah, dude.
51:14 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean, look, you and I were in Vegas when we were broke as broke comics. You know where we ate?
51:18 Tom Segura? Where?
51:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Chipotle, remember?
51:20 Tom Segura? Yeah.
51:20 Christina Pazsitzky? We ate at Chipotle every day.
51:21 Tom Segura? A lot there. It's a lot there.
51:23 Christina Pazsitzky? You don't have to eat at Guy's place.
51:25 Tom Segura? Uh, but he doesn't like Kamala. Let's see that.
51:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Let's see.
51:28 Speaker 10 I absolutely get a kick out of our politicians.
51:30 Tom Segura? Kick out of them.
51:31 Speaker 10 Saying things that are not questioned. Kamala Harris.
51:34 Tom Segura? It's a real professional way to.
51:36 Speaker 10 Announced her economic plan. And one thing that she announced was that she was going to build 3 million low-cost houses and apartments. That's fantastic, guys. Think about this, in a four-year term, that would be 1,460 days. If you divide that by 3 million, it's 2,064 a day that she would have to build. Yeah, what? Oh, Dan, you're being a buzzkill. Come on, man, you just gotta do it.
52:03 Christina Pazsitzky? He puts his own picture of him on it.
52:05 Speaker 10 No.
52:06 Christina Pazsitzky? It's amazing.
52:07 Speaker 10 Have accountability for these guys.
52:09 Christina Pazsitzky? I love it.
52:09 Speaker 10 It's that simple. We can't do the Oprah, you get a car, you get a car, you get a car. Oh, you don't get a car?
52:16 Tom Segura? He's having fun with stickers.
52:17 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. I can't even do that in my videos. That's cool.
52:20 Speaker 10 No, it's not gonna happen.
52:22 Tom Segura? Okay.
52:23 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, he's so clever. Did you see that he gave that like, hmm, see how smart I am?
52:27 Tom Segura? Yep.
52:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Fuck you, Bill Maher. I got this down. He's, I love when guys like him break it down for you too, the economics of stuff, Tom.
52:35 Tom Segura? I wanna see, I'd like it too.
52:36 Christina Pazsitzky? This is like when your dad explains politics to you.
52:39 Tom Segura? This guy, yeah.
52:42 Tom Segura? I'd like to see him lose his shit.
52:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Not my dad.
52:44 Tom Segura? Oh, that's a cool American flag shirt.
52:46 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. Okay, here's the Christmas post. Do you think he's gonna complain that they don't say Merry Christmas where he's from? Or that they've forgotten Jesus? What do you think that that video is? It's gonna be
52:59 Tom Segura? There's
52:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Some complaint about how America has gone south with Christmas. They've forgotten the real meaning.
53:03 Tom Segura? That's a big one. Yeah.
53:05 Christina Pazsitzky? That's where my money is. What is yours?
53:07 Tom Segura? I mean, I don't think you're wrong.
53:11 Speaker 10 Hey guys, it's that time of the year and I just want to be the first
53:17 Speaker 10 in your life to wish you guys a Merry Christmas.
53:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
53:19 Speaker 10 Okay?
53:20 Tom Segura? Okay.
53:21 Speaker 10 Never too early for Christmas. Okay?
53:24 Tom Segura? Okay.
53:24 Speaker 10 So I allegedly wishes everybody a Merry Christmas.
53:27 Tom Segura? This is posted in June.
53:28 Speaker 10 In June. Okay?
53:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
53:30 Speaker 10 So Merry Christmas.
53:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay. In June.
53:33 Tom Segura? Real happy, though.
53:34 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I mean, he didn't say, you know, he did say season's greetings. Okay. I thought we'd get a rant.
53:39 Tom Segura? Hashtag business.
53:45 Tom Segura? Fucking asshole, fucking Guy Fieri, seventy dollars.
53:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, boy. Yeah, he's a real.
53:53 Tom Segura? I think that's really the only time he's lost his shit in any of these.
53:56 Christina Pazsitzky? I am?
53:57 Tom Segura? We just really got him at a time that he really didn't.
53:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, what's about Popeyes? He's got a rant here. Let's see.
54:03 Speaker 10 So I was filming in Pasadena and as I was leaving, I was on the phone with a buddy and said, oh, wow, there's a Popeyes chicken. Haven't seen one of those in a while. And he's like, hey, could you do me a favor and stop and get some Cajun rice for me?
54:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Sure.
54:16 Speaker 10 And I remember their Cajun rice as being like a flavorful spicy rice with meat in it and stuff like that. Oh, it's got rice and beans in it now, sir. This is their Cajun rice now.
54:28 Tom Segura? We just see the container.
54:29 Speaker 10 Okay?
54:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I'd like to see the product.
54:31 Speaker 10 Seven dollars and eleven cents.
54:33 Christina Pazsitzky? There we go. There we go.
54:34 Speaker 10 Seven dollars and eleven cents.
54:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Uh oh.
54:37 Speaker 10 Okay?
54:37 Christina Pazsitzky? For Cajun rice.
54:38 Speaker 10 Is that Loonville, guys? That's nuts. You wonder why families are suffering right now.
54:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Cause they can't
54:43 Speaker 10 They cannot make it.
54:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Get the rice at Popeyes?
54:45 Speaker 10 That's seven dollars and eleven cents.
54:46 Tom Segura? What does this guy want prices to be? I don't understand what he thinks everything should cost.
54:52 Christina Pazsitzky? And you don't have to eat at Popeyes.
54:54 Tom Segura? Who can afford these ridiculous fast food prices? Nobody can afford this. This is why they are going out of business. What?
55:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Are they going out of business, Popeyes?
55:04 Tom Segura? I don't know. I don't think so.
55:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, I mean.
55:09 Tom Segura? Okay. What is this? Is it, because he's a business page? Is his advice like, "Look, start a business, never charge a lot for anything, and then you'll be good"? Like, how does he advise people?
55:21 Tom Segura? Okay. This guy's fucking...
55:26 Christina Pazsitzky? No, Popeyes is not going out of business.
55:29 Tom Segura? I like that it answered to you like that. "No."
55:32 Christina Pazsitzky? No, you dipshit. But I am upset that California Pizza Kitchen has gone out of business. Yeah, can you believe that?
55:40 Tom Segura? It's done?
55:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Will you Google it? Because there, there used to be one here at the Bromine in Austin. That's my, our children's favorite restaurant, CPK. And it's gone. And I don't think it's gone from...
55:53 Tom Segura? No.
55:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, no. It did file for bankruptcy in 2020.
55:57 Tom Segura? That was five years ago.
55:58 Christina Pazsitzky? The company emerged with a reduced debt load. Well, the one in Austin's gone, and I am deeply upset. Please, CPK, bring back your Austin location.
56:07 Tom Segura? It's focused on expanding its franchise footprint, innovating its menu, investing in marketing and digital, and looking to captivate captive dining audiences at airports as a source of customers, and also their prices are going to remain at $3 for full pizzas and entire meals, following the, I allegedly, business footprint.
56:29 Tom Segura? You believe these fucking prices? This pizza was $11. Jesus Christ. Who the fuck can afford this shit?
56:37 Christina Pazsitzky? CPK does provide a great product.
56:39 Tom Segura? Can you go back to his thing? Can you scroll to the top? I just want to see like...
56:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, what has he liked?
56:43 Tom Segura? What is this?
56:47 Tom Segura? Okay.
56:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, he's only got like 2,800 followers. Babe, he's only got 2,800 followers.
56:51 Tom Segura? I know, he's gonna have more now. Some things haven't been proven yet. Is this like a Third Eagle of the Apocalypse type?
57:00 Christina Pazsitzky? I love this artwork.
57:01 Tom Segura? He's a serial entrepreneur, small business advisor, YouTuber. In my career, I've survived the crash of 2000, 2008, 2020, all through the ups and downs. I've learned not just to survive, but thrive. In my experience, tough economic times always provides new opportunities. I'm what's known as a connected marketer. I help businesses raise money and get connected as strategic partners.
57:25 Christina Pazsitzky? What? All this gobbledygook, this jargon. I don't understand what these people do.
57:29 Tom Segura? You gotta fucking redesign this page.
57:32 Speaker 06 I was about to say, number one thing I know about him is that he definitely made this website.
57:35 Tom Segura? Yeah. You gotta, sometimes, he's all about saving a buck, but sometimes you gotta spend a few to make it look like you didn't build this in fucking 1996.
57:46 Christina Pazsitzky? Let's go to his YouTube. Let's see what these episodes are like. Like, what is he doing entire episodes on?
57:52 Tom Segura? He's got 300,000 subscribers.
57:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay, so he's legit.
57:55 Tom Segura? Okay. I've been banned for life from Walmart. What the fuck?
57:58 Speaker 10 Hey, it's Dan. Welcome back to watching I Allegedly. And I've got a good one for you today because I've been banned for life from Walmart. Please hit the like button and please subscribe to the channel.
58:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Yes.
58:11 Speaker 10 Today, we have a sponsor, private internet access, which I will get into in a little bit, but let's get right into it.
58:18 Tom Segura? Yeah.
58:20 Speaker 10 Okay, so it's not me that's been banned. It's a woman named Ashley Cross. And this is something that we've talked about a few months ago, but Ashley Cross and Dan have been banned from 4,600 Walmarts, all of them. Can't step in. And the reason for that is that she went out and she took one item that was very inexpensive, and then she would scan it at the self-checkout. And what she would do is she would use a watch battery, which was a little over a dollar. And she would then scan that, and they caught her.
59:00 Speaker 10 Scanning about a hundred and eighty dollars worth of merchandise, jeans, shirts and other things.
59:07 Tom Segura? Yeah.
59:07 Speaker 10 And with that, they said, no, you're done. So they are fed up with this. They're absolutely done with this behavior. The self checkout is where they get robbed blind.
59:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, yeah, why are they doing that?
59:20 Speaker 10 All the time, people, you know.
59:21 Christina Pazsitzky? I hate self checkout.
59:22 Speaker 10 Scan five items, take out six. And Walmart is fed up with it. Walmart's completely done with it. And so she's done.
59:31 Tom Segura? Okay. Is that the story?
59:33 Speaker 10 Get arrested.
59:36 Tom Segura? This is a nineteen minute video about Ashley scanning?
59:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Jesus Christ.
59:44 Tom Segura? Okay. Are we still, if this is still the Ashley story, I'm gonna absolutely die.
59:49 Christina Pazsitzky? He's walking home.
59:50 Speaker 10 But again, arrested her for this. And it was a nightmare trying to get out of this. This is what you want to avoid, guys. I'm telling you.
59:57 Tom Segura? What, want to avoid stealing?
59:58 Speaker 10 I had a guy, I was filming at that self checkout, oh, it's his first time in a grocery store, man?
1:00:06 Speaker 10 No, so I said something. Anyways, you know, come on, guys. Mind your own business.
1:00:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
1:00:13 Speaker 10 Be aware of this stuff, guys, because I'm telling you this right now. You want to do something interesting? Do a search on how many people have been arrested at the self checkout for groceries.
1:00:22 Tom Segura? This is a business advice guy?
1:00:24 Christina Pazsitzky? I know. Don't do self checkout, yeah, no shit.
1:00:27 Tom Segura? Don't steal, or you'll get a ban from Walmart.
1:00:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
1:00:32 Tom Segura? That's insane. All right.
1:00:34 Christina Pazsitzky? I hate self checkout.
1:00:35 Tom Segura? Good luck with your page, sir. It's very interesting that you're doing all that.
1:00:40 Christina Pazsitzky? Can we please do some happy birthdays?
1:00:42 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:00:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, it's my absolute faves.
1:00:45 Tom Segura? Yes. So as you know, or if you don't know, you go to a drive thru. Hopefully, it's a coffee place, like a Starbucks or something. You use either a British Cockney accent or an accent of your choosing.
1:01:00 Tom Segura? You say happy birthday, you say I love you, and you just see how it goes.
1:01:05 Speaker 11 Hello, my name is James.
1:01:07 Speaker 02 James, what do we get for you?
1:01:09 Speaker 11 I'd like two pink drinks, please.
1:01:11 Speaker 02 What size?
1:01:12 Speaker 11 Large.
1:01:13 Speaker 02 Two large pink drinks, anything else?
1:01:16 Speaker 11 That'll be all, love.
1:01:17 Speaker 02 Alright, we'll see you upstairs.
1:01:18 Christina Pazsitzky? It's so bad, is that what you're saying?
1:01:20 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:01:20 Christina Pazsitzky? I love it. I love how bad it is.
1:01:22 Speaker 02 Have a good day.
1:01:22 Speaker 11 And this is for you.
1:01:23 Speaker 02 Oh, thank you.
1:01:24 Speaker 11 Happy birthday.
1:01:24 Speaker 02 Thank you, have a good day.
1:01:28 Tom Segura? It's so, it's so stupid. It's so dumb to hand somebody a chip and you're like, happy birthday, and they're like, okay? It's not, but yeah.
1:01:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Happy birthday.
1:01:40 Tom Segura? Happy birthday, love.
1:01:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Happy birthday. Especially the bad Cockney accent is really what gives me the most joy.
1:01:47 Tom Segura? So good.
1:01:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I love when it's bad. Yeah, it's gotta be bad.
1:01:51 Speaker 11 With vanilla?
1:01:53 Speaker 11 I'll take it hot, please, and may I have that with vanilla?
1:01:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, his is good.
1:01:58 Speaker 11 And then for me, uh, I think I'll try one of them new quartos.
1:02:04 Christina Pazsitzky? That's really good.
1:02:05 Speaker 11 No, thank you, please. Alright, no, thank you, drink stopper, please. Thank you, and this is for you. Yep, it's your birthday, happy birthday.
1:02:13 Tom Segura? It's your birthday, happy birthday?
1:02:15 Speaker 11 Happy birthday.
1:02:18 Tom Segura? So stupid.
1:02:20 Christina Pazsitzky? I also like how many happy birthdays you can get.
1:02:22 Tom Segura? I felt like he either is British or has like British parents or something.
1:02:27 Christina Pazsitzky? I know.
1:02:27 Tom Segura? Cause he had the little like kinda colloquialisms in there.
1:02:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, he was good at it.
1:02:32 Speaker 11 Hello there, love. Can I get a, uh...
1:02:41 Speaker 11 Large chestnut frappuccino, please.
1:02:48 Speaker 11 What would you like, love?
1:02:50 Christina Pazsitzky? A matcha one.
1:02:52 Speaker 11 Oh yes, can I get another large matcha frappuccino, please?
1:02:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Stupid.
1:02:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Do they?
1:03:01 Speaker 11 Oh yes, uh, give strawberry drizzle.
1:03:05 Tom Segura? His accent is all over the place.
1:03:11 Speaker 11 Or syrup or whatever.
1:03:13 Tom Segura? He just dropped it completely.
1:03:16 Speaker 11 Okay, is it your birthday today? Is it your birthday? Yeah. You know Craig, Craig told me it was your birthday. You don't know?
1:03:27 Speaker 11 Let's be the other Starbucks. Sorry, sir.
1:03:31 Tom Segura? Is it your birthday?
1:03:33 Christina Pazsitzky? I do like the longer the ah.
1:03:36 Tom Segura? The long ah was great.
1:03:37 Christina Pazsitzky? That could be a whole new lane.
1:03:43 Tom Segura? I think, oh, eh.
1:03:45 Christina Pazsitzky? If you could do a really long pause like that.
1:03:48 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:03:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Like, see how long we could get those pauses? Oh, my god.
1:03:52 Tom Segura? Those are great.
1:03:52 Christina Pazsitzky? That's really funny.
1:03:54 Tom Segura? Wow, that was fucking awesome.
1:03:55 Christina Pazsitzky? Happy birthday.
1:03:56 Tom Segura? Happy birthday. You'll like this for sure.
1:04:00 Speaker 02 Yes, I do. Jaden, Jaden, Jaden. You look retarded, bro. Oh, thank you, brother.
1:04:06 Christina Pazsitzky? I saw that. I said that, and I.
1:04:08 Tom Segura? That's good.
1:04:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, he didn't even hear him.
1:04:10 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:04:10 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't think he heard. You look retarded, bro.
1:04:12 Tom Segura? I think he heard him.
1:04:13 Christina Pazsitzky? He did, and he said, "Thank you."
1:04:14 Tom Segura? Oh, thank you, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:04:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Wow. What's going on with that kid? What do you think's happening?
1:04:19 Tom Segura? I mean, this is definitely not a cry for attention.
1:04:20 Christina Pazsitzky? No, no, no.
1:04:21 Tom Segura? Wearing a fucking house as a hat. Yeah.
1:04:23 Christina Pazsitzky? Gosh, Jaden.
1:04:25 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:04:26 Christina Pazsitzky? He's all over the map, that kid.
1:04:28 Tom Segura? Fucking stupid.
1:04:29 Christina Pazsitzky? It is fucking stupid.
1:04:30 Tom Segura? Um, I know your ultimate dream is to see me as Robert Smith.
1:04:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Of course.
1:04:38 Tom Segura? But then we also, one of your other, one of your favorites of all time, Peter Murphy.
1:04:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Of course.
1:04:43 Tom Segura? This side by side's pretty crazy.
1:04:45 Christina Pazsitzky? Let's see.
1:04:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Let's see you. Oh, you could so do this. Look at that. You guys are twin brothers already.
1:04:54 Tom Segura? Wow.
1:04:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Look at him. Oh, my god, you guys really are. Blue eyes. You got the blue eyes.
1:04:58 Tom Segura? His eyes look really good, though.
1:05:00 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, he's stunning.
1:05:01 Tom Segura? And is it that he has good eyelashes, too?
1:05:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Of course. Peter Murphy's got good everything. Good cheek structure, good eyelashes. So here's what you'd have to do to do this. You gotta get a spray tan. I don't think Peter Murphy spray tans. I think that you're exceptionally pasty.
1:05:15 Tom Segura? Thank you.
1:05:16 Christina Pazsitzky? And you need to spray tan, and then we gotta put some blue eyeshadow. And that's pretty much it.
1:05:23 Tom Segura? Are those eyeliner? Is that eyeliner or is that eyelashes?
1:05:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, it's a little eyeliner. He does it in the, the waterline, as they say.
1:05:28 Tom Segura? Oh.
1:05:29 Christina Pazsitzky? You could do that, but I still think.
1:05:30 Tom Segura? God, maybe I should start doing eyeliner every day. Right? Isn't that like a cool idea?
1:05:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Are you being serious? I would love that.
1:05:38 Tom Segura? Really?
1:05:38 Christina Pazsitzky? I would love that. Would you try?
1:05:40 Tom Segura? Sure, I'll try it, yeah.
1:05:42 Christina Pazsitzky? I love guys in black eyeliner.
1:05:44 Tom Segura? Oh, I mean, that's been one of my dreams.
1:05:46 Christina Pazsitzky? Here's the deal, man. You can't wear lipstick with a beard. I mean, that's probably why Peter Murphy doesn't do that. It looks, it's not, it's not appropriate.
1:05:55 Tom Segura? Mm-hmm. He looks really good, though.
1:05:56 Christina Pazsitzky? No, he's, he's incredibly good looking. He's still, you know, he's thin. He kept himself in shape and everything. But I still, I love Peter Murphy, but Robert Smith is where my heart is.
1:06:11 Tom Segura? Jesus Christ.
1:06:12 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean, Robert Smith is like my first crush. Can you listen to me? I mean, growing up as a teenage girl, 13 years old, he's my first big crush. I have posters of him everywhere. I'm obsessed with Robert Smith. If you could do Robert Smith.
1:06:28 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:06:29 Christina Pazsitzky? You gonna do it?
1:06:31 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:06:31 Christina Pazsitzky? No, really?
1:06:32 Tom Segura? Sure.
1:06:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Don't get my hopes up.
1:06:33 Tom Segura? I am, I'm, I'm thinking. I'm trying to figure out a way to hope we could do it.
1:06:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Okay.
1:06:38 Tom Segura? Um, ready for a vibe shift?
1:06:39 Christina Pazsitzky? I love Peter Murphy. Yeah.
1:06:40 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:06:41 Speaker 12 Bitch, don't play with me. Do not play with me. Do not play with me, because I'm not the one or the two. You're not the one or the two. Let's go. You ain't got shit to do. You ain't gonna do nothing.
1:06:55 Speaker 12 Like I said, keep my fucking name out your mouth. My mind is always in drift for some reason. No, some reason. Back the fuck out of here. Fuck out of here. Fuck out of here before I...
1:07:04 Christina Pazsitzky? That's spirit air.
1:07:07 Tom Segura? Remember what I was telling you about service industry?
1:07:12 Christina Pazsitzky? Not good.
1:07:14 Tom Segura? Right?
1:07:14 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, it's spirit.
1:07:18 Speaker 12 Yes, you are.
1:07:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Jesus.
1:07:20 Speaker 12 Fuck out of here. You and your ass.
1:07:24 Speaker 12 Fuck out of here. Go suck.
1:07:27 Speaker 12 Like I said, I said what I said, and I said what I said. Please suck to me like you want it.
1:07:37 Tom Segura? Imagine you're about to board a flight and you're like, what the fuck?
1:07:41 Christina Pazsitzky? It's so terrifying. You're like, why are they yelling at you?
1:07:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Fuck. I'd be so scared if you're in line.
1:07:52 Speaker 11 You know what I'm saying?
1:07:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. Mommy.
1:08:04 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:08:05 Christina Pazsitzky? I have to, and I, look, this is not very politically correct to say, but nothing scares me more
1:08:14 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:08:15 Christina Pazsitzky? than black, black girls yelling, like black women yelling. Holy shit.
1:08:20 Speaker 11 Girl, get your life.
1:08:21 Christina Pazsitzky? I mean, I think it hearkens back to
1:08:24 Tom Segura? Middle school.
1:08:24 Christina Pazsitzky? public school and like, like this shit escalates, bro, and they will fucking throw down.
1:08:29 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:08:30 Christina Pazsitzky? They fight.
1:08:31 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:08:34 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, the shit gets real, bro.
1:08:36 Tom Segura? I know, I know.
1:08:37 Christina Pazsitzky? This, this is like, I'm having flashbacks to
1:08:40 Tom Segura? To middle school.
1:08:40 Christina Pazsitzky? seventh grade.
1:08:41 Tom Segura? Uh, what is it? Portola?
1:08:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Fucking Portola.
1:08:45 Tom Segura? Yeah. Yeah.
1:08:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Dude, black girls are vicious, though. They will fucking
1:08:53 Tom Segura? In middle school.
1:08:54 Christina Pazsitzky? Cut you, bro.
1:08:55 Tom Segura? Or at Spirit.
1:08:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Look at this.
1:08:59 Christina Pazsitzky? The shit that they say to each other, I can't even come up with.
1:09:01 Tom Segura? Yeah. I know, it's pretty good.
1:09:03 Christina Pazsitzky? It's like, damn, dude.
1:09:06 Tom Segura? Yeah, alright.
1:09:08 Christina Pazsitzky? I said what I said.
1:09:10 Tom Segura? Did you ever get jumped?
1:09:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Of course. Of course. I mean, but yes. Yeah.
1:09:18 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:09:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Look, I didn't, here's the problem, man, is I had come from a nice Lutheran school. I was like this quiet little blonde girl. I had a little bit of, of scrappy, a little bit of an attitude, and black girls would talk some shit in the locker room and talk shit everywhere. And I didn't know to shut the fuck, I just didn't know that you don't say anything. And I told them, I was like, why don't you shut up? Shut the fuck up. But this is a locker room. Bad idea. And then I got on the radar and they're fucking me up.
1:09:46 Tom Segura? Well, you learned a life lesson.
1:09:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, don't talk to black people. Don't talk.
1:09:49 Tom Segura? No, that's not the life lesson.
1:09:54 Christina Pazsitzky? You should be afraid of black chicks?
1:09:55 Tom Segura? No, no, just you gotta
1:10:00 Tom Segura? That's no, you gotta read a room and you gotta know when to
1:10:04 Christina Pazsitzky? When to shut up?
1:10:05 Tom Segura? Yeah, that's the lesson.
1:10:06 Christina Pazsitzky? I know, I just, I don't know what was wrong with me. I don't know, but that shit scares me, dude. To this day, I'm like, poof, get away from that.
1:10:15 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:10:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Get away from that. Don't get in your spirit, please.
1:10:20 Tom Segura? I remember
1:10:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Far away.
1:10:22 Tom Segura? Middle school in Milwaukee. And, you know, it was a similar experience.
1:10:31 Tom Segura? But I already knew. I already knew when to shut the fuck up.
1:10:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I didn't know that one yet.
1:10:39 Tom Segura? Yeah, for sure.
1:10:40 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:10:41 Tom Segura? Yeah. Yeah.
1:10:42 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, I mean, like, I defended myself, not very well, but I fucking, I fought. I tried. Dude, but these bitches got crazy, dude, like ripping, ripping braids out during lunchtime and they fucking fought.
1:10:58 Tom Segura? Fought hard.
1:10:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Harder than like Chola girls, because Cholas would fight, but never at school. I didn't feel like I didn't see Mexican girls throw down at school, the way black girls throw down.
1:11:08 Tom Segura? At school.
1:11:08 Christina Pazsitzky? Do you know what I mean?
1:11:09 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:11:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Like, I know they fucked each other up, but that, that was like, they did that somewhere else. Does that make sense? I don't feel like I didn't see Chola's fight. Angelino's?
1:11:21 Christina Pazsitzky? Anyone? See Chola's fighting?
1:11:23 Tom Segura? What, Chola's fighting?
1:11:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Cholas, girls.
1:11:25 Tom Segura? Yeah, Cholas, yeah.
1:11:26 Speaker 13 I've seen that growing up in school.
1:11:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah?
1:11:28 Tom Segura? Yeah, they know how to fight.
1:11:29 Speaker 13 Yeah.
1:11:29 Christina Pazsitzky? They fight at school?
1:11:30 Speaker 13 Yeah, yeah.
1:11:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, okay.
1:11:32 Speaker 13 That was big in my school.
1:11:33 Christina Pazsitzky? Do you ever see, like, white girls throw down like that?
1:11:36 Speaker 13 Um, one time in middle school, these two ghetto white bitches, uh, they threw down. They were throwing kicks and stuff and then that was during a passing period, that was kind of cool to watch.
1:11:46 Tom Segura? That's always when the nails come out. The most violent fighting I ever saw was actually, was white boys, though.
1:11:52 Christina Pazsitzky? White boys?
1:11:53 Tom Segura? That, that I witnessed, yeah. Like, bludgeoning, like
1:11:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, white, but white boys get crazy.
1:11:59 Tom Segura? Who
1:12:02 Tom Segura? there was another kid, another guy, who was just like commenting, I think, not even like in a Um, I think this, this guy was talking about another guy's girlfriend. And not in a grotesque way. It was just that he was like, talking about her and the boyfriend felt threatened by this. Like, he was like, stop talking about my girl. And just in the middle of the hall, in front of like, everybody, like punched him and then got on top. And just started like, when you see like a UFC fight and they're just like, pow, pow. And you saw blood like shooting out of the guy's face and yeah.
1:12:42 Christina Pazsitzky? This is a good point, because UFC fighters are all crazy white guys, right?
1:12:46 Tom Segura? A lot, not all.
1:12:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, the majority is like crazy white guy, like.
1:12:50 Tom Segura? There's some crazy white guys.
1:12:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Trashy whites.
1:12:52 Tom Segura? There's a lot of trashy whites.
1:12:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Trashy whites, love the UFC, so there's something to it.
1:12:56 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:12:56 Christina Pazsitzky? That's interesting. Yeah, violence, god damn.
1:13:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Asians don't fight, you ever seen Asians fight?
1:13:04 Tom Segura? I mean Asians fight.
1:13:05 Speaker 13 In the ninja movies, yeah.
1:13:07 Speaker 06 Kung Fu movies, yeah. Actually, low key, no, I've never seen an Asian fight, that's crazy.
1:13:10 Christina Pazsitzky? Thank you. Like I'm saying in school, like public school.
1:13:14 Tom Segura? Yeah, in school I never see Asians fight.
1:13:15 Christina Pazsitzky? The Chinese kids throw down, never.
1:13:17 Speaker 06 He had to be mixed, I'm pretty sure I've seen one, but the motherfucker had to be mixed.
1:13:21 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:13:22 Speaker 06 I was saying it was Asian and black probably.
1:13:24 Speaker 13 I saw a white kid get turned into a vegetable.
1:13:28 Tom Segura? Really?
1:13:28 Speaker 13 Yeah, yeah. Mom, this kid I know punched this other guy, I know. And then the kid got knocked out and hit his head on a curb and now he's a broccoli.
1:13:37 Tom Segura? Whoa.
1:13:41 Speaker 13 I grew up in small town Nebraska and it was all like farmers and like trailer kids fighting all the time.
1:13:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:13:48 Speaker 13 Like kids, small towns.
1:13:50 Christina Pazsitzky? But no Asians.
1:13:51 Speaker 13 No.
1:13:51 Christina Pazsitzky? No Chinese kids.
1:13:52 Tom Segura? I never saw an Asian kid fight.
1:13:53 Christina Pazsitzky? Not one, Koreans, no.
1:13:55 Tom Segura? But I know that right now, there's definitely people listening and watching being like, bro.
1:13:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:13:59 Tom Segura? I saw fucking Dat Nguyen fucks this kid up. Like they just are yelling at the fucking.
1:14:05 Christina Pazsitzky? Dat Nguyen.
1:14:06 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:14:07 Christina Pazsitzky? That Vietnamese motherfucker.
1:14:08 Tom Segura? He motherfucking lit this dude up. Yeah, for sure.
1:14:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, that's true, because I do know there are Asian, you know, gang bangers, Asian gangs.
1:14:17 Tom Segura? A thousand percent.
1:14:17 Christina Pazsitzky? Especially in LA, yeah, I just haven't seen it, I just haven't seen it.
1:14:21 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:14:22 Christina Pazsitzky? Interesting, yeah, let's get some emails.
1:14:23 Tom Segura? Yeah, let's get some cool Asian stories, Asian fight bullying stories.
1:14:29 Tom Segura? It's a nice thing to just put into the universe. Hey, did you witness an Asian kid beat the shit out of somebody? Please share it with us.
1:14:36 Christina Pazsitzky? We've never seen it.
1:14:37 Tom Segura? Wait, Tanner, you saw this kid, you saw this fight?
1:14:40 Speaker 13 Uh, yeah, I was at a house party and, uh, so he punched him and then the kid was perfectly placed when he fell, his head and hit the back of a curb and now he's, uh, he's pretty retarded.
1:14:53 Tom Segura? Did, did that other, cause usually when those things happen, you get like, you get arrested.
1:14:57 Speaker 13 Yeah, he got arrested. I was supposed to go to school with him. I was supposed to go to college with him. And, uh, since he had a court case, he couldn't come to school. So.
1:15:06 Tom Segura? You know that this, by the way, always reminds me of the one I saw this orthopedic surgeon. After I broke my arm and my leg snapped playing ball and he goes, and I was all fucked up. I was like, and he goes, you're lucky. I go, lucky? He goes, well, you could have hit the back of your head and you then you'd be eating through a straw for the rest of your life. I was like, okay, cool. I'm lucky. Because he's like, you could have landed on your head, man.
1:15:32 Christina Pazsitzky? No, I'm lucky. Otherwise I'd have you as a husband like.
1:15:36 Tom Segura? Banks!
1:15:38 Christina Pazsitzky? Tom, go do your act.
1:15:40 Tom Segura? Banks!
1:15:42 Tom Segura? Banks!
1:15:43 Christina Pazsitzky? Go do your act, Tom. Get out on the road. Jesus Christ.
1:15:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Tom, Tom.
1:16:00 Tom Segura? I look at the screen and then it goes, what's up, motherfuckers?
1:16:05 Christina Pazsitzky? Tom, Tom. Do I have permission then to have lovers?
1:16:10 Tom Segura? Oh, get the fuck out of here, you bitch.
1:16:15 Speaker 14 Girl, get your life.
1:16:19 Tom Segura? All right.
1:16:22 Christina Pazsitzky? What?
1:16:24 Tom Segura? Nothing.
1:16:24 Christina Pazsitzky? How do we get down this hole? Oh, the Spirit Air employees.
1:16:28 Tom Segura? Spirit, man, I'm telling you.
1:16:29 Christina Pazsitzky? Fuck.
1:16:29 Tom Segura? You're like, no, service industry's cool. No, it's not. It's fucking dog shit.
1:16:33 Christina Pazsitzky? I know. I just, you know, look, I have sympathy for them. It's a tough gig. Serving the public is...
1:16:39 Tom Segura? I don't think it's easy.
1:16:40 Christina Pazsitzky? Damn, it's the worst job. It's harsh. Public, you know what's really hard is customer service and people are always angry and...
1:16:47 Tom Segura? Yeah, I know.
1:16:49 Speaker 12 And our pussies fucking stink.
1:16:51 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:16:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:16:52 Tom Segura? Here we go.
1:16:53 Speaker 15 A lot of people are, of course, celebrating over it and couting about how great it is. But of course, there's another angle of this participation rate. Explain that to us and why we need to look at that.
1:17:04 Speaker 16 Absolutely. Well, we have, we're in a very good position to tell, talk about what's going on.
1:17:12 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:17:14 Tom Segura? Jesus Christ. All right.
1:17:18 Christina Pazsitzky? It's, Dr. Drew, it's a hypothyroidism.
1:17:22 Tom Segura? I saw a clip of a guy, by the way, talking about, he was a basketball player, talking about, you know, when you played this position. He goes, yeah, you know, as a, there's, when there's, when you play, I forget if it was like guard or forward, he's like, you know, there's a stigmatism.
1:17:39 Tom Segura? Associated with playing that position.
1:17:41 Christina Pazsitzky? A stigma.
1:17:42 Tom Segura? Yeah, and everybody was like, right, right, right. Like, nobody's...
1:17:48 Tom Segura? You know, as a small forward, there's always a stigmatism that we don't
1:17:53 Tom Segura? put the ball on the floor a lot. And you're like, right, right.
1:17:55 Christina Pazsitzky? How does this chick go on television and not say something? Like, sorry, my eyes are wide open.
1:18:01 Tom Segura? Yeah, sorry I'm freaking you the fuck out. Try to listen to the words and not look at me.
1:18:07 Christina Pazsitzky? And she knows how she looks.
1:18:09 Tom Segura? Of course she knows.
1:18:09 Christina Pazsitzky? Why don't you just say something?
1:18:11 Speaker 16 We work with a lot of Fortune 1000 organizations.
1:18:14 Tom Segura? Jesus Christ.
1:18:15 Christina Pazsitzky? She has a blank timer.
1:18:16 Tom Segura? No.
1:18:17 Speaker 16 And we get a good pulse on what's ramping and areas of growth. We also work with
1:18:22 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm gonna pee.
1:18:27 Speaker 16 We're seeing tremendous growth here at DigiMe.
1:18:30 Tom Segura? Holy shit.
1:18:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Holy shit. Wow, that was cool.
1:18:33 Tom Segura? Imagine if that was your partner.
1:18:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Partner?
1:18:36 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:18:36 Christina Pazsitzky? You mean your gay partner?
1:18:41 Christina Pazsitzky? There is people like this. This is usually in women you see.
1:18:45 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:18:45 Christina Pazsitzky? I feel like I've seen bitches like this where you're like, "Close your eyes, dude."
1:18:48 Tom Segura? Close your eyes.
1:18:49 Christina Pazsitzky? Fucking...
1:18:50 Tom Segura? Isn't that crazy? She can't go, she either goes close or this. There is no in-between. Also, there's like no way to resolve that? You can't be like, "Hey, fix this."
1:18:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Of course there is. It's a medical, there's a medical problem happening. Unless she's gacked on some drug.
1:19:05 Tom Segura? She's not gacked. She's, she's got an issue.
1:19:08 Christina Pazsitzky? She's got a problem.
1:19:09 Tom Segura? Listen, as a middle-aged man, there's a stigmatism involved. Alright.
1:19:14 Speaker 17 You're dating a misandrist and you've transitioned in front of them and they are like, part of the reason you're struggling to even identify as a man or a trans masculine. You're like, "I'm, you know, non-binary, but I, and hey, I am complicated. I'm non-binary. I'm a woman. I'm also a man, though. And I do look like this and I'm walking the world like this. And so, this person during one of our chats was like, "I don't see you as a man, though." And I said, "That's weird. Everybody else fucking does." And they were like, "Ah, ah." I was like, "You maybe should look at me a little closer, because what are you seeing?" Gangnam to kids?
1:19:51 Tom Segura? What's a misandrist? It's the opposite of misogynist?
1:19:55 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:19:55 Tom Segura? Someone that hates men?
1:19:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh.
1:19:57 Tom Segura? Wait, it's a fake word?
1:19:58 Speaker 06 Wait.
1:20:00 Christina Pazsitzky? So, yeah, misogyny is woman-hating and misandry is man-hating. Misandrist. But he's saying, "I'm a man."
1:20:08 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:20:09 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't understand this shit. Dislike or contempt against men, you know?
1:20:13 Tom Segura? I eat the male sex. Contempt for men. I know a bunch of bitches like this.
1:20:21 Christina Pazsitzky? I know. I feel like that's being popular right now.
1:20:23 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:20:23 Christina Pazsitzky? To hate dudes.
1:20:24 Tom Segura? Yeah. It's usually a bunch of busted-ass hoes who can't find anyone to date them or fuck them anyway.
1:20:30 Christina Pazsitzky? It's never, it's never...
1:20:31 Tom Segura? A bunch of broke, busted, ugly-ass bitches.
1:20:34 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. It's never hot chicks. They're like, "I fucking hate men." It's like, "No, dude."
1:20:39 Tom Segura? Bitches that were thrown to the side because they look like fucking dogs. Yeah.
1:20:47 Christina Pazsitzky? You alright?
1:20:47 Tom Segura? Alright.
1:20:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh my god, I was rewatching Kevin Samuels.
1:20:50 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:20:50 Christina Pazsitzky? Yesterday, just to myself. And he's like, okay, how, how, how tall are you? Five two? How much do you weigh? One forty-five? Okay, no, no, no. Like, he just straight out.
1:21:02 Tom Segura? I saw the clip, I don't know if we have it, of somebody describ- He's, she's like, well, I need to know what my options are. And he goes, how old are you? And she was like, forty-three. He goes, none. And she goes, um, he goes, none.
1:21:16 Christina Pazsitzky? None, next.
1:21:17 Tom Segura? He goes, um, she's like, I have three kids. He goes, nah, nah, are you here, me? None, nothing, nope, nothing. She goes, I have no options. He's like, no. Okay, you're forty-three, you have three kids, who the fuck would want you?
1:21:32 Christina Pazsitzky? Who the fuck wants you?
1:21:33 Tom Segura? Destroyer.
1:21:35 Speaker 18 If this circle represents all of the open defecation that happens in the world.
1:21:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Come on.
1:21:41 Speaker 18 This is the fraction that happened in India.
1:21:44 Tom Segura? Jesus Christ.
1:21:45 Speaker 18 And this is the fraction that happens only in rural India. Sixty-five percent of rural Indians defecate in the open. So what that means is that most of the open defecation that happens in the world happens in rural India.
1:22:02 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, we got it.
1:22:03 Speaker 18 And most rural Indians defecate in the open.
1:22:06 Christina Pazsitzky? We got it.
1:22:06 Speaker 18 Every day, five hundred million people in villages in India.
1:22:12 Christina Pazsitzky? We get it.
1:22:13 Speaker 18 Go in the fields rather than use a toilet or a latrine.
1:22:16 Christina Pazsitzky? We got it.
1:22:17 Tom Segura? What's the re-
1:22:17 Speaker 18 That's bigger than the population of the United States.
1:22:20 Tom Segura? Why, why? Why, why choose to do that?
1:22:23 Christina Pazsitzky? They're all poor and stuff.
1:22:24 Tom Segura? No.
1:22:24 Christina Pazsitzky? It's India.
1:22:25 Tom Segura? What's the reason to choose the field shit?
1:22:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Why not? It's perfect to shit out there. Wouldn't you love to shit in a field? I would love to shit outside with the nice warm breeze.
1:22:35 Tom Segura? I love toilets, I love shitting in my toilet.
1:22:36 Christina Pazsitzky? I would like to open defecate. Can we build me an open defecation area?
1:22:41 Tom Segura? You can just go out in the yard.
1:22:42 Christina Pazsitzky? I, I've never-
1:22:43 Tom Segura? And wave at the neighbors and take your shit.
1:22:45 Christina Pazsitzky? I'd love to. I've never experienced-
1:22:46 Tom Segura? Nothing's stopping you from doing this.
1:22:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Open defecation.
1:22:48 Tom Segura? I know.
1:22:49 Christina Pazsitzky? It must, there must be something to it because all the Indians love doing it.
1:22:52 Tom Segura? That's true.
1:22:57 Tom Segura? Lack of readily accessible toilets, deeply ingrained cultural norms that accept the practice.
1:23:02 Christina Pazsitzky? It's fine, it's not a big deal.
1:23:04 Tom Segura? Poverty and inadequate sanitation infrastructure.
1:23:05 Christina Pazsitzky? It's fine. Who cares? Just shit out in the field. There's nothing out there anyway. It's rural. Who's it hurting? I think, you know what? I think this woman is open defecation phobic and I think she needs to fucking...
1:23:18 Tom Segura? I actually always think about, like, when you're thinking about this, open defecation is the cleanup, the wiping.
1:23:24 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah. They use their hands.
1:23:26 Tom Segura? Really?
1:23:27 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, I know in the, I don't know, actually, I know in Muslim countries, you use your hand.
1:23:32 Tom Segura? All Muslim countries?
1:23:34 Christina Pazsitzky? No. I've just learned that when I was in Afghanistan, that yes, sometimes they use their hand and they wash their hand. That's why you eat with the, eat with the left.
1:23:43 Tom Segura? Left, yeah.
1:23:44 Christina Pazsitzky? Wipe with the right or vice versa, I forget.
1:23:45 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:23:46 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't know, but they're, they're not bringing paper towels out. Oh, the other way around. Yeah, they're not bringing paper towels to the field. No way. Maybe they're wiping with plants or leaves or something. Look, humans have been shitting for centuries. This is how we all used to shit. Open defecate. Okay. Across North Africa, Middle East and Asia, people traditionally use their hands to wipe after using the toilet, followed by washing them with water, often using the left hand specifically for this purpose due to cultural hygiene practices. This is particularly prevalent in Muslim countries where water-based cleansing is emphasized. Yeah. So you wipe with your, your left and you eat with your right.
1:24:29 Tom Segura? Got it.
1:24:30 Christina Pazsitzky? You don't ever want to shake a Muslim's left hand.
1:24:33 Tom Segura? Yeah, that's considered very, yeah. So you got dookie on it.
1:24:39 Christina Pazsitzky? Look, I, I don't know why she's just singling out the Indians, I'm telling you, but it's gotta be other...
1:24:45 Tom Segura? Well, no, open defecation is what she's talking about.
1:24:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, good for her, good for them.
1:24:48 Tom Segura? Good for them. I think it's causing some issues, is why she's giving a speech.
1:24:52 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, well, I do remember the story about open defecation where they would come to, like, Disneyland and shit out in public or come to cities and then shit, still open defecate?
1:25:02 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:25:03 Christina Pazsitzky? They just haven't learned how to use a toilet.
1:25:04 Tom Segura? Well, that's a big thing in mainland China.
1:25:05 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah.
1:25:06 Tom Segura? So a lot of mainlanders that shit just anywhere. We'll visit like Beijing or Macau or Hong Kong or, you know, Shanghai. And they're rural Chinese and they go into the big city and then they're like, I gotta shit. I'm just gonna drop my pants right here and shit on the floor of this mall. And then they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.
1:25:26 Christina Pazsitzky? Nope.
1:25:27 Tom Segura? No.
1:25:27 Christina Pazsitzky? See, and you know, don't think I didn't notice that when I brought up the idea that the Muslims use their left hand to wipe their ass. You looked at me like I was crazy. Okay. I just didn't know. Cause you guys are always like, oh Christina, you got these crazy. Let me tell you about the next crazy idea I'm on. Can I tell you what's, can I talk to you for a second?
1:25:44 Tom Segura? Sure, man.
1:25:45 Christina Pazsitzky? It's huge in the mommy TikTok world right now. The mommy sleuths out there. If you're, if you're, Candace Owens. I love you, girl. Candace, come on your mom's house. You need to explain this, what I'm about to tell my husband.
1:26:00 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:26:00 Christina Pazsitzky? It is so good. You guys have to go to her website candaceowens.com to see the stuff or her YouTube. She's staking her career on the fact that Brigitte Macron allegedly, Candace Owens is saying that Brigitte Macron, the first lady of France is actually a man.
1:26:22 Tom Segura? Ala mer.
1:26:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Ke lastima.
1:26:28 Christina Pazsitzky? Actually a dude.
1:26:29 Tom Segura? Come on.
1:26:30 Christina Pazsitzky? I know. It's crazy. And she's got a ton of evidence and this Poulard guy who wrote a book, I bought the book. I'm all into it Candace. I would love for you to come on and explain this to the world.
1:26:41 Tom Segura? You're so into this.
1:26:42 Christina Pazsitzky? I sound insane. I've been into it for like a month now. Every day I'm like, holy shit dude, Brigitte Macron is a dude, bro.
1:26:49 Tom Segura? Let's pull up a Brigitte Macron.
1:26:51 Christina Pazsitzky? So here's what I, oh, we talked about this already on the show. Sorry. Yes. But so the, the series is called Becoming Brigitte. And, and she goes through their genealogy of the family and how these two meet. And by the way, there, there's all these stories that Macron meets Brigitte when he is 17 and she is 36. First of all, that's not true. Uh, he's, they're saying that he was 14 and she was what, like in her 40s or something, 30, 39, 99. And that's when they hooked up and there's a whole ton of evidence. You guys have to get into every detail because it's fascinating.
1:27:30 Christina Pazsitzky? That there's no photographs allegedly of this Brigitte Macron for 30 years, 30 years, no photographs. Okay? She just. She's born, okay, so then there's like three photographs that they they put out of her. This is supposedly her at her wedding. Well, they do these AI analyses now of photographs, like the kind that the Chinese use or whatever. And the the AI is like, that ain't that ain't Brigitte Macron. And that guy is actually her, I don't know, uncle, brother, whoever the fuck. It's a whole crazy story. Allegedly, she's assumed the she's actually a boy. There's a family photo. Hold on, where's that family photo? Okay, let's go back. She, her name is actually Jean-Michel something.
1:28:15 Christina Pazsitzky? Go, go, Google.
1:28:16 Tom Segura? Well, that's her.
1:28:17 Christina Pazsitzky? That's her in her 40s. So that's when she's teaching.
1:28:19 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:28:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Google Brigitte Macron young family photo. So it starts with here. So basically what happens is she she and her husband get into the L E C, whatever. He's prime minister and like well meaning journalists are wanting to investigate.
1:28:35 Tom Segura? This the photo you're looking for?
1:28:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Her background, correct. And what they realize is that there's a black hole in Brigitte Macron's history, which is like you can dig up school photos. You can dig up everything. Everything's public. So they're saying this, this Poulard and Candace, that actually Brigitte Macron is the little boy here on the left, my left. And I don't know who the hell this one is sitting on the lap of.
1:29:01 Tom Segura? But isn't it possible that that's Brigitte on the lap, sitting on the lap?
1:29:05 Christina Pazsitzky? No, because they did like AI analysis of the boy.
1:29:09 Tom Segura? AI analysis.
1:29:10 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm telling you, bro.
1:29:11 Tom Segura? I mean, but why does AI analysis?
1:29:13 Christina Pazsitzky? Or whatever, photo recognition softwares and all of this.
1:29:17 Tom Segura? That's not her.
1:29:17 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, if you look at, okay, can you Google childhood photo Jean-Michel? Side by side with Brigitte Macron. I'm telling you, this little boy is identical to Brigitte Macron. If you do a side by side, there's all there's, and then they found a few photographs of Brigitte.
1:29:34 Tom Segura? Jean-Michel?
1:29:34 Christina Pazsitzky? That's Brigitte Macron before she became Brigitte. So she disappears. She goes to Algiers, has a sex change supposedly, comes back and now is Brigitte. It's bananas. No, this is, this is Michael Jackson. Who are you bringing up? Anyway, Candace, please come on the show and explain this better than I am. It's a whole story. It's fascinating stuff.
1:29:58 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh.
1:29:58 Tom Segura? Hey.
1:29:59 Christina Pazsitzky? Look, Tucker Carlson follows her too. It's a whole thing.
1:30:04 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:30:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Allegedly, allegedly.
1:30:06 Tom Segura? Well, I know that you're very.
1:30:07 Christina Pazsitzky? Vive les fous.
1:30:07 Tom Segura? I would love to hear firsthand this account of how.
1:30:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Candace, come on. I know you're pregnant, girl. You're Tennessee.
1:30:16 Tom Segura? Brigitte Macron is really Jean Michel.
1:30:18 Christina Pazsitzky? Jean Michel.
1:30:19 Tom Segura? A man.
1:30:20 Christina Pazsitzky? A man.
1:30:21 Tom Segura? Who's fucking a boy.
1:30:23 Christina Pazsitzky? Correct.
1:30:23 Tom Segura? Cool.
1:30:24 Christina Pazsitzky? And, right, so she is actually Jean Michel. She disappears, she comes back, and now she lives as a woman named Veronique for a while. It's a whole fucking thing, man.
1:30:35 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:30:36 Christina Pazsitzky? Ah.
1:30:36 Tom Segura? Crazy.
1:30:37 Christina Pazsitzky? It's, and they're this allegedly.
1:30:39 Tom Segura? Why is she staking her career on this, though? Why is this, why, why is this so interesting?
1:30:43 Christina Pazsitzky? I'll tell you why. Because it's not just that this woman is a man.
1:30:48 Tom Segura? Back up one, back up one.
1:30:49 Christina Pazsitzky? There you go. See those photos, those four photos?
1:30:51 Tom Segura? Women who falsely claimed Brigitte Macron is transgender are welcome.
1:30:57 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, so they sued them for defamation or slander, but it's not on the claims that Brigitte is a woman. I'm sorry, Brigitte is a man. There's slander in the details of the stories. It's a long story. It's not what you think it is. So go back to those images, those four images. Go up, boom, next row, second row.
1:31:15 Tom Segura? Scroll down.
1:31:16 Christina Pazsitzky? Scroll down, mommy. There.
1:31:19 Christina Pazsitzky? Look at those.
1:31:19 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:31:20 Christina Pazsitzky? Look at, teeth don't lie. Look at the middle two images.
1:31:24 Tom Segura? Yeah. Oh, you're saying that those are the same?
1:31:26 Christina Pazsitzky? That's Brigitte as, okay.
1:31:28 Tom Segura? Got it.
1:31:29 Christina Pazsitzky? See that young man?
1:31:30 Tom Segura? Yes.
1:31:30 Christina Pazsitzky? And then you see Brigitte Macron? Look at that. I mean, am I, are my eyes deceiving me? And like Candace says.
1:31:38 Tom Segura? But wait, but I'm saying, what's the way to, like, why do people care? Why do people care?
1:31:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, sorry. So the implications for this being, A, if this really is a man who transitioned to a woman is, oh, because having a relationship with a 14-year-old boy is completely inappropriate and illegal and wrong. Secondly, there's ties to, oh, allegedly Candace is saying, in the Élysée, in the government, they're protecting.
1:32:04 Christina Pazsitzky? Because they, you know, she believes that this is a culture and they're protecting. There's also links to the Rothschild family. Brigitte Macron is actually a Rothschild, which is like the biggest banking company in France. I know. And they're protecting each other's interests. There's incest. There's all kinds of gross things happening.
1:32:24 Tom Segura? Have you been talking to Sam Tripoli?
1:32:25 Christina Pazsitzky? Satanic cults. The lizard people are control. Here's my problem, Tom.
1:32:31 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:32:31 Christina Pazsitzky? Can I tell you my problem?
1:32:32 Tom Segura? Sure.
1:32:32 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm not doing stand up anymore. I'm not out in the world.
1:32:35 Tom Segura? We need to get you on stage. Yeah, yeah.
1:32:37 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm on the mommy sleuth TikTok and I'm here for it. I love it all. I need, I need, I need to get out of the house.
1:32:43 Tom Segura? I, I.
1:32:44 Christina Pazsitzky? I agree.
1:32:44 Tom Segura? I agree.
1:32:45 Christina Pazsitzky? I know it. But Candace, I love you. You're doing God's work.
1:32:48 Tom Segura? All right. I want to hear the full story. Um.
1:32:51 Christina Pazsitzky? Can we do some talks?
1:32:52 Tom Segura? Well, you, these are talks.
1:32:55 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm the talk.
1:32:56 Tom Segura? We gotta go, man. What are you doing?
1:32:56 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm, I'm the talk.
1:32:58 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:32:58 Christina Pazsitzky? I'm the TikTok today. Oh, yeah.
1:33:03 Christina Pazsitzky? Oh, yeah.
1:33:06 Tom Segura? Oh, my God. What the fuck?
1:33:10 Speaker 02 I love you all, Martin.
1:33:11 Christina Pazsitzky? Thank you all.
1:33:15 Christina Pazsitzky? That was like a Danish dating show or something?
1:33:18 Tom Segura? Sounded French, right?
1:33:19 Christina Pazsitzky? He goes to French. That's the Macron family. That's actually footage of how they say hello to each other at holidays.
1:33:27 Christina Pazsitzky? It's just a cool lady. She's got great tits.
1:33:31 Tom Segura? Annie?
1:33:33 Tom Segura? Down, down, down. Yeah.
1:33:37 Christina Pazsitzky? Nice, Annie.
1:33:38 Tom Segura? Hell, yeah.
1:33:40 Speaker 14 They have fairy and masks at Ikea. Um, breaking news. These are legit. This is a fairy and mask. I don't know how you can
1:33:47 Tom Segura? No, no.
1:33:48 Speaker 14 convince me otherwise.
1:33:49 Tom Segura? Cool.
1:33:50 Speaker 14 They have a whole box of them. And I just think Ikea's getting with the times. If you're doing quadrobics at the Ikea, I don't think they would judge.
1:34:02 Tom Segura? What the, what?
1:34:03 Christina Pazsitzky? First of all, what's a therion? I think these is like the mass cosplay nerds. This is what dorks are doing. Yeah, cosplay. Therion furry. This is furry culture.
1:34:14 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:34:15 Christina Pazsitzky? And then quadronics? I'm not sure what a quadronic. Oh, maybe you're getting on all fours. Quad. Doing that dorky shit these nerds do on TikTok.
1:34:25 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:34:25 Christina Pazsitzky? I don't know when it, these fucking nerds, man.
1:34:28 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:34:29 Christina Pazsitzky? They need to go back to being ashamed of themselves and.
1:34:32 Tom Segura? Very cool.
1:34:35 Christina Pazsitzky? Well, it's upsetting now that Ikea is embracing their stupidity.
1:34:38 Tom Segura? Got it, yeah.
1:34:39 Christina Pazsitzky? This weird furry thing.
1:34:40 Tom Segura? I think Ikea was just like, here's an animal mask.
1:34:42 Christina Pazsitzky? That's what I think too, but this nerd sees it as a cultural.
1:34:45 Tom Segura? Well, yeah, you see what you wanna see.
1:34:46 Christina Pazsitzky? Validation, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:34:48 Tom Segura? Just like they.
1:34:48 Christina Pazsitzky? Satanic.
1:34:49 Tom Segura? Think Bridget is a woman.
1:34:51 Speaker 19 See, I've not been real proud of it, but my grandmother was a witch. An astrologist. Somebody that studied the stars. My mother's name's Jojo. You know, the government knows Dorinda. The FBI knows Jojo.
1:35:06 Tom Segura? Annie? She said the government. The government? Would you smash? Uh, yeah, I give it around. She got nice teeth, yeah.
1:35:16 Christina Pazsitzky? I bet she could take him out.
1:35:17 Tom Segura? Awesome.
1:35:19 Speaker 09 Gonorrhea boy here, literally. Just had this shirt made. Thanks to my Facebook friend named Tina. At a place called Embroidery Plus in Las Vegas.
1:35:28 Tom Segura? Cool.
1:35:28 Speaker 09 We'll be walking Fremont any minute now. Um, on Friday, I'm gonna be going to Little Italiana in Summerland between like three and maybe like seven. So if you wanna come hang out there, that'll be pretty fun.
1:35:41 Christina Pazsitzky? Get gonorrhea.
1:35:43 Tom Segura? Come hang out.
1:35:43 Speaker 09 Vote Lauren for next season. Vote Lauren for North America Tour.
1:35:46 Tom Segura? Good time to record.
1:35:47 Christina Pazsitzky? Outside.
1:35:49 Speaker 09 We're gonna keep it going, but thank you so much, Tina. Um, this shirt will be for auction eventually. I'll autograph it and see if anybody wants it.
1:35:57 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:35:58 Speaker 09 Gonorrhea boy.
1:36:00 Tom Segura? All right.
1:36:03 Tom Segura? That was really cool.
1:36:04 Christina Pazsitzky? There's, but.
1:36:05 Tom Segura? No, go ahead.
1:36:06 Christina Pazsitzky? There's just a lane of people that are proud of their STIs and they like to, they don't want to be shamed.
1:36:11 Tom Segura? He gave out like a location where he'll be for like three hours. If anyone wants to come hang out and then I'll autograph this. If anyone wants to, what the fuck? So cool. If anybody could let us know if you bought the gonorrhea boy shirt, I would love to know. All right. This was a lot of fun today.
1:36:27 Christina Pazsitzky? It was really fun.
1:36:28 Tom Segura? It was. We gotta get going though. We have a lot to do now.
1:36:30 Christina Pazsitzky? Yeah, lots of stuff to prepare.
1:36:32 Tom Segura? Busy. Okay. We love you. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week.
1:38:12 Speaker 20 I be poppin', call me ten milli tom.
1:38:12 Speaker 20 Ten milly tongue I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' call me ten milly tongue I be poppin' call me ten milly tongue I be poppin' call me ten milly tongue I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' call me ten milly tongue I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' I be poppin' call me ten milly tongue
1:38:40 Speaker 20 I be poppin' call me ten milly tongue
Previous Tom Green Wants Garth Brooks Closure | Your Mom's House Ep. 797 Next YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799 Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated