Tom Green Wants Garth Brooks Closure | Your Mom's House Ep. 797

Get tickets for Tom’s Come Together Tour at https://tomsegura.com/tour SPONSORS: Go to http://helixsleep.com/YMH for 20% Off Sitewide + 2 Free Dream Pillows with Mattress Purchase. Try VIIA Hemp! https://viia.co/YMH and use code YMH! Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://bluechew.com! Head to https://www.squarespace.com/MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code MOM. It’s another episode of YMH with Tom Segura and Christina P! This week, Mama and Papa Jeans open the show with a clip of a cool guy who wants to go fishing with Hitler, before diving into some clips of another talented artist who whistles. They next check out some back shot advertisements from Tony Johns and Christina makes a proposition to Tom about her ideal man. Fresh off the farm, Tom Green enters the mommy dome to share what he's been up to lately and to discuss not one, but two different projects about his life floating around in the streaming world. They also talk about his classic Subway pranks, an appearance by Joe Rogan on Tom Green's show back in the day, and watch clips of fan submitted happy birthday drive-thru pranks. Tom Green also experiences some horrible or hilarious clips and Christina's TikToks, and invites the mommies to speculate on Garth Brooks. Your Mom’s House Ep. 797 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://christinap.com/ https://store.ymhstudios.com https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:30 - Opening Clip: Fishing With Hitler 00:07:26 - Clip: Dana White Addresses The Dummy 00:15:02 - The World's Greatest Whistler 00:21:28 - Clip: Tony Johns Advertising Backshots 00:23:13 - Clip: No Soy Boys 00:23:49 - This Is The Type Of Guy You're Gettin' 00:29:26 - This Is The Tom Green Segment 00:36:55 - Happy Birthday Drive-Thru Pranks 00:44:40 - Clip: Tom Green's Subway Order 00:50:24 - Clip: Karen Getting Arrested 00:52:54 - TikToks 00:57:59 - A Normal Life 01:11:23 - Clip: A Barrel Roll 01:14:20 - Horrible Or Hilarious 01:17:31 - Garth Brooks 01:22:34 - Closing Song - "Moose Soup Remix" by Matt Mercer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tom Segura?

  Battle Creek, Michigan. Tickets are on sale now for my show at Firekeepers Casino on Friday, May 9th. Next month, I'm coming across the pond to Dublin, Belfast, Manchester, London, Glasgow, Nottingham, and Cardiff. Tickets and info are at tomscrew.com/tour.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

• 0:26Tom Segura?

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• 1:11Tom Segura?

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• 1:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hello, Governor.

• 1:28Tom Segura?

  Hello. What's everybody? It's another show. We're here, we're excited. We have an incredible guest today. We got a lot of cool things to show you.

• 1:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  So many. What's everybody?

• 1:41Tom Segura?

  What's everybody?

• 1:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's Charles.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so good. Let's play some more of that.

• 1:49Tom Segura?

  You like that?

• 1:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty great.

• 1:53Tom Segura?

  Here, we got it here.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  Nigga, my nice.

• 1:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nope.

• 2:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know about that one.

• 2:02Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Andy.

• 2:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Andy.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  Hello, Canada.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  It's your birthday.

• 2:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's really good. She was in rare form. She was in so much, so much, so much.

• 2:16Speaker 03

  I might be retarded, but I'm not stupid.

• 2:20Tom Segura?

  She's very, that's very true.

• 2:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  How are you feeling, Tom? How's your period?

• 2:25Tom Segura?

  Um, it's good. It's good. Well, it's coming on. I can feel it.

• 2:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tell me, what are you, what are your symptoms?

• 2:31Tom Segura?

  Um, just like some hot flashes and, uh, you know, I'm starting to cramp and I could just feel, I just want it to start so bad.

• 2:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. The anxiety of it before it comes is the worst, huh?

• 2:42Tom Segura?

  It's the worst. I can't wait for menopause.

• 2:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. What period? Are you using an app to track your cycle?

• 2:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 2:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's the app?

• 2:50Tom Segura?

  Uh, Keep Bleeding?

• 2:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 2:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah. What do you use?

• 2:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Um, period tracker?

• 2:54Tom Segura?

  Oh, yeah, that's, that's what everybody used to use.

• 2:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I, I don't know if this is true for you, but if I, um, I saw this on TikTok, Matty Gates, I don't know if you know this, but she told her boyfriend, does this happen to you when you eat spicy food? It makes your period spicy?

• 3:12Tom Segura?

  Yes. That's so crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

• 3:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 3:17Tom Segura?

  What about you? Where are you with your period?

• 3:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God. It's just like waiting for it to happen is the worst.

• 3:21Tom Segura?

  Same. I think we're cycled up again.

• 3:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, we are. Yeah. It's gonna be such a rough week.

• 3:26Tom Segura?

  Men can have periods. A lot of people don't know that.

• 3:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Men do. Not anymore. Not in Trump's America. I think we're done.

• 3:31Tom Segura?

  Hmm. I don't think I'm gonna stop bleeding because there's somebody else in the White House.

• 3:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's a good point. Guys, here's a great segue. Buy my Perfect Four lipstick. I'm wearing Berlin today because I'm feeling saucy. My period is spicy. You can get that at christinap.com. I have four colors. I say just buy them all. You know what I'm saying? Especially if you're a guy, you need a gift for your lady for a VD.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  It's your birthday.

• 3:52Tom Segura?

  It's your birthday.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  It's your birthday.

• 3:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 3:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gonna have some exciting images coming up soon on christinap.com.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Have a birthday.

• 4:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Do it.

• 4:05Tom Segura?

  So.

• 4:10Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that was cool. Having her here was cool, man.

• 4:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  How are you feeling?

• 4:14Tom Segura?

  Uh, pretty good. I had a pretty, uh, well, a period dump, you know?

• 4:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's the worst.

• 4:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  It was like runny.

• 4:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah, just, you know, fucking hormones, man.

• 4:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 4:25Tom Segura?

  But yeah, other than that, feel pretty good.

• 4:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good.

• 4:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, pretty good.

• 4:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's exciting.

• 4:30Tom Segura?

  I'm excited. Um, why don't we introduce this, uh?

• 4:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah, okay, I forgot. We haven't even done that.

• 4:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah, here we go.

• 4:36Speaker 04

  Uh, Hitler, Hitler and the Nazis. I, I really don't think that he was, uh, because I honestly think that Hitler was a good guy based upon my own research, not my public education indoctrination. I really do think before Hitler got on meth, he was a guy to go fishing with. He fought for his country. He wanted to purify it by kicking the greedy Jews out that were destroying his country and turning them all into gays.

• 5:07Speaker 05

  Don't bring anyone mothering to this.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Yo mama in the fucking stand!

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 5:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Meow, meow. And Christina Pajitsic.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Welcome to your mom's house.

• 5:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow.

• 5:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Uh oh.

• 5:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Meow, meow, meow, meow.

• 5:59Speaker 04

  I honestly think that Hitler was a good guy.

• 6:02Tom Segura?

  That was, uh, Bryce Mitchell on episode one of his podcasts, Ark- Arkansanity. With, uh, Bryce Mitchell and Rolly Delgado. I think the best part of this whole thing is watching the other guy the whole time be like...

• 6:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, what did I just get into?

• 6:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's like, this is what I, this is our first episode. What is this guy talking about?

• 6:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, it's, he got us involved.

• 6:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, um, here's the rest of, uh, the rest of it.

• 6:27Speaker 04

  They were ganging out the kids. They were queering out the women. They were queering out the dudes.

• 6:32Tom Segura?

  Look at that guy's face.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  You know what her first tranny surgery ever was?

• 6:37Speaker 04

  Happened to be in Germany before Hitler took over. You know the books that everybody makes fun of Hitler burning? You know what the books was? Queer books. Hitler burned queer books because Hitler didn't want a bunch of queers destroying his nation. They can't produce children. But what about?

• 6:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's he gonna say?

• 6:58Tom Segura?

  He's a UFC fighter and this is, um, there was a huge fallout from this and then I guess he has since then, what apologized? Yeah, yeah, he came out. Dana ripped his ass like in a press conference. He was like, he's like, he goes, Dana started his press conference going, he goes, you know, I've been around a lot of dumb fucking people.

• 7:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a great intro.

• 7:21Tom Segura?

  This is the dumbest fucking person that we've ever encountered. So scroll up a little bit, actually. Oh, I'm sorry. I sounded insensitive. I definitely was not trying to offend anybody. Of course not. But I know I did. I know that a lot of people died in the Holocaust. That's a fact. Hitler did a lot of evil things because we can all agree on that. I'm definitely not a Nazi. Definitely do not condone any of the evil things that he did. I'm talking about the cool shit he did.

• 7:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Guys, what I'm trying to say is everybody only talks about the bad stuff. What about the good stuff?

• 7:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah, man, the good stuff.

• 7:52Speaker 04

  Hitler burned queer books.

• 7:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now, the real question is, what's episode two gonna be like?

• 8:02Tom Segura?

  I don't know if there will be a second episode because your second episode would have to be all about your first episode. I don't know.

• 8:07Speaker 04

  Before Hitler got on meth, he was a guy I'd go fishing with.

• 8:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think meth really turned Hitler bad?

• 8:14Tom Segura?

  That also might be, you know, there's sometimes you hear sentences. That might be the first time that sentence was ever spoken, like ever in the history of humanity.

• 8:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hitler would be a cool guy.

• 8:23Tom Segura?

  Before Hitler was on meth, that's a guy I'd go fishing with. Oh yeah, here's, here's, this was great.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  And I'm sure you guys heard what Bryce Mitchell said. If you haven't, said some probably, I've heard a lot of dumb, ignorant shit in my day, but this one's probably the worst. Um, we talk about Hitler.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  He's responsible for the death of 6 million Jews and he tried to completely eliminate a race of people. World War II was the deadliest war in history. 15 million military deaths, 45 million civilians and 25 million soldiers were killed in World War II.

• 9:09Speaker 04

  Second of all, Hitler is one of the most disgusting and evil human beings to ever walk the face of the earth and anyone that even tries to take an opposing position is a moron.

• 9:21Speaker 04

  That's the problem with the internet and social media. You provide a platform for a lot of dumb ignorant people. We've obviously reached out to Bryce and uh...

• 9:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Bryce?

• 9:36Speaker 04

  When we read what he said and let him know how we feel about it.

• 9:44Speaker 04

  I don't even, we're beyond disgusted.

• 9:46Tom Segura?

  He then went on to say, it was great though, because he was like, he's like, you know, yeah, he can say it because you can say what you want. He goes, but what's great is that, you know, he will be in the octagon and then everybody can just cheer for him to get the shit kicked out of somebody.

• 10:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that's true. Yeah, everybody has alternate research now. They're like, you know, I know that's what we all learn, but...

• 10:08Tom Segura?

  I did my own research.

• 10:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  What kind of research?

• 10:10Tom Segura?

  Not the indoctrinated bullshit they feed you about Hitler being a knucklehead, because he wasn't.

• 10:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Everyone's got their alternate stuff. It's pretty cool.

• 10:21Tom Segura?

  People are always saying, this guy was up to no good. I found out. He was burning queer books and that's cool.

• 10:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  That is cool.

• 10:30Tom Segura?

  Yep, yep, yes, yeah.

• 10:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Unreal.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  Gang out the kids?

• 10:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gang out the kids. They're always worried about gaying out the kids.

• 10:37Tom Segura?

  Yep.

• 10:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is the biggest concern.

• 10:39Speaker 04

  Queering out the women, they were queering out the dudes?

• 10:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't know, they're always so worried that the homosexuality is contagious. I don't think you can catch it.

• 10:48Tom Segura?

  People are really, yeah.

• 10:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  They get really upset about that.

• 10:51Tom Segura?

  People who wear camo really fear it the most.

• 10:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 10:53Tom Segura?

  They're always like, the fuck, I'm gonna catch this bullshit from you. Don't come around here. The other thing that all like, like hillbillies think too, is that any gay man wants to fuck them. Yeah, them in particular. Like, 330 pounds, just like fucking gut hanging out. Face looks like it's fucking got shit growing, like mold and shit growing. And they're like, I don't want no fucking gay guy trying to fuck me. Like, no one's trying to fuck you, man.

• 11:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody wants to.

• 11:25Tom Segura?

  Gay guys, straight guys, straight women, gay women, no one wants to fuck you.

• 11:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Nobody wants to fuck you. Nobody.

• 11:31Tom Segura?

  Come around here, see me naked, try to fuck me.

• 11:35Tom Segura?

  I don't think so.

• 11:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, they're so afraid.

• 11:37Tom Segura?

  What do you think's gonna happen?

• 11:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, no.

• 11:39Tom Segura?

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• 12:25Tom Segura?

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• 13:08Tom Segura?

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• 13:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  We have a Helix mattress and I like it extra, extra, extra soft.

• 13:27Tom Segura?

  Extra soft.

• 13:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Cause I'm a tummy sleeper and they take that, they take that stuff into consideration.

• 13:32Tom Segura?

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• 13:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is Ark Insanity. That's a good name for the podcast.

• 13:57Tom Segura?

  I do hope he keeps it up.

• 13:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I do too. I mean, shit, I'm excited to see.

• 14:01Tom Segura?

  Is he gonna keep it up?

• 14:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Episode two.

• 14:02Tom Segura?

  They already announced that they're canceling? Cause that would be a shame.

• 14:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't want them to. Keep going dude.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Maybe there's another episode already.

• 14:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that'd be fucking rad.

• 14:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, Bryce, don't, don't let Dana White scare you. You got a voice.

• 14:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please.

• 14:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah, let's just see. I mean, maybe our, type in the, yeah.

• 14:23Tom Segura?

  Okay, he's gotta got some, he's probably got some views on episode one, right? Well, only.

• 14:28Speaker 04

  Only one episode.

• 14:30Tom Segura?

  Hmm.

• 14:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, that's too bad.

• 14:31Tom Segura?

  Threw in the towel, huh?

• 14:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  You gotta keep going bud.

• 14:35Tom Segura?

  Gotta get it going bud. Oh man, well.

• 14:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what can you do?

• 14:41Tom Segura?

  What can you do?

• 14:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  What can you do?

• 14:43Tom Segura?

  So, uh, yeah, there's, um, there's some stuff I want to show you.

• 14:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hmm.

• 14:48Tom Segura?

  Where did I, looking for this very awesome

• 14:55Tom Segura?

  person. I don't wanna, I don't wanna, oh yeah, look. This is it now.

• 15:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oof, oof.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  I just moved into my apartment today. I heard construction above me all day, but I'm not a cold like it was nothing because I didn't want to believe that they would come here and do this. And then all they did, they did attack me. It's non-stop. Don't tell me you're the house, dude, there's a bee.

• 15:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is happening?

• 15:34Tom Segura?

  She's a paranoid schizophrenic.

• 15:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, they've been attacking her all day, the construction on top. Oh, oh, God, I got it.

• 15:41Tom Segura?

  But the snot thing I thought was pretty cool.

• 15:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was really cool. I like that.

• 15:45Tom Segura?

  And it's cool to upload.

• 15:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right.

• 15:47Tom Segura?

  After you have it, you can go like, should I?

• 15:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Should, not her. She just goes right in.

• 15:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was really nice. Thank you.

• 15:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 15:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  I thought she got maced because her eyes are all red and makes your nose run.

• 16:00Tom Segura?

  No.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  The construction.

• 16:03Tom Segura?

  Also, have you ever seen this skill before? There's so many like talented people out there and you just, they, that's the cool thing. I mean, Dana was saying the bad thing about the internet, social media. The good thing is that you discover talents.

• 16:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's see it.

• 16:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 16:23Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 16:24Tom Segura?

  Right?

• 16:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  How's he doing that?

• 16:26Tom Segura?

  I guess he's a professional throat whistler.

• 16:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 16:32Tom Segura?

  Look at that captivated audience.

• 16:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 16:36Tom Segura?

  Look at that kid.

• 16:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  Kid loves it. And he's feeling, oh my goodness.

• 16:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 16:47Tom Segura?

  That kid's trying to whistle. He was like.

• 16:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, everybody's like, how is he doing this?

• 16:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah, we don't know how he's doing it. Here's the thing, that's 1984.

• 16:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 16:55Tom Segura?

  Right? That's 40 years ago. Guess what?

• 16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 16:59Tom Segura?

  He's still doing it.

• 16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 17:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's still doing it.

• 17:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow. I bet his talent got even better.

• 17:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 17:15Tom Segura?

  Unbelievable.

• 17:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's doing YMCA. That's cool.

• 17:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah. That's Ralph Whistle on Instagram.

• 17:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Beautiful.

• 17:28Tom Segura?

  And I've lost myself on his page before.

• 17:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, I bet.

• 17:30Tom Segura?

  Just like hours.

• 17:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I bet.

• 17:32Tom Segura?

  Wait a minute. Yes. I'm confused. Are we not gonna, are we not gonna talk about how we know this guy? You don't remember this guy? No.

• 17:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 17:40Tom Segura?

  No way. This guy like pissed you off before, remember? He did? In the LA studio, yeah. How? We saw this guy a long time ago. He was like doing...

• 17:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what? That was the old us. That was LA snobby us. We appreciate talent now.

• 17:54Tom Segura?

  I really don't recall. Here's the thing, I don't even wanna revisit that, whatever you're remembering.

• 17:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, that sounds like a dark time for Tom and I. We would never discourage talent.

• 18:02Tom Segura?

  Also, um, that was before I became a Texan.

• 18:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. I like this guy's attitude. He's pro-America.

• 18:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  What is wrong with you?

• 18:11Tom Segura?

  I mean, I'm, I'm, first of all, I feel like you're not telling the truth. And, um... Secondly...

• 18:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Eh, me.

• 18:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Lies.

• 18:22Tom Segura?

  Sorry about that. I must have been mistaken. Yep.

• 18:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, what is wrong with you?

• 18:26Tom Segura?

  Jesus Christ, this guy.

• 18:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ralph Geez, is that how you say it, I think?

• 18:30Tom Segura?

  Can you try to do it?

• 18:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can you do it?

• 18:37Tom Segura?

  That was, I can do the face.

• 18:44Tom Segura?

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• 19:28Tom Segura?

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• 20:10Tom Segura?

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• 20:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Gene, I can't wait to try this one on our Valentine's Day. But I go to sleep every night with Vaya. I had their CBD gummies and they're fantastic.

• 20:49Tom Segura?

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• 21:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, he makes his mouth move and it makes the, the sounds go up and down.

• 21:20Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I'm, I like it.

• 21:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 21:22Tom Segura?

  Very cool. I think it's very cool.

• 21:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Mm-hmm. I like, how many different songs does he have there on that Instagram?

• 21:27Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 21:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Let's hear it. Happy Thursday, everyone. Oh.

• 21:34Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit.

• 21:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I am whistler. Yeah.

• 21:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, you are. Whistler I am.

• 21:45Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  I am whistler.

• 21:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Whoa.

• 21:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is he kidding me?

• 22:01Tom Segura?

  It's unbelievable.

• 22:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 22:04Tom Segura?

  Thank you. That's great. Thank you.

• 22:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, I see that he's smoking cigarettes. I don't want him to damage his instrument there.

• 22:10Tom Segura?

  Well, I think it's probably at this point, he knows.

• 22:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, how to, how to do that. Yeah. He's, he's been cultivating this talent for 40 years.

• 22:17Tom Segura?

  For so long. Yeah. It's really incredible.

• 22:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm, you know, that's, that's amazing. That's quite a talent.

• 22:22Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's very exciting when a man now has a special talent. It makes me excited.

• 22:29Tom Segura?

  Yes. Uh, another update you're not gonna believe.

• 22:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  What?

• 22:32Tom Segura?

  Guess who is back at it?

• 22:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Who?

• 22:35Speaker 05

  Ladies man here. I've been blown out back since 96, bro. You know? If you're a single female and you're local, hit my line, baby.

• 22:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes.

• 22:50Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. We out.

• 22:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wait a minute.

• 22:53Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit.

• 22:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  The ladies man, he's back. I guess he broke up with his girlfriend.

• 22:56Tom Segura?

  He broke up. He's in a public restroom. He is letting you know that he is back on the scene. He's doing like Tony's John's.

• 23:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:06Tom Segura?

  Blown out back since 96.

• 23:08Speaker 05

  I've been blown out back since 96.

• 23:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Woo!

• 23:11Tom Segura?

  Giving out the phone number.

• 23:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 23:13Tom Segura?

  Publicly.

• 23:14Speaker 05

  Um.

• 23:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I just say, and I like that Tony was in a relationship, but I like Tony John's single even more.

• 23:22Tom Segura?

  Single Tony is kind of the most fun.

• 23:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's who he is. This is when he shines.

• 23:26Tom Segura?

  Here's the only concern that I have personally, because I am a Tony fan and I want to see Tony succeed. I don't know that that's just orange juice.

• 23:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 23:35Tom Segura?

  I'm thinking.

• 23:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 23:37Tom Segura?

  That he's not just a citrus fan.

• 23:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I thought the same thing.

• 23:40Tom Segura?

  And I fucking hope it is not a screwdriver in a carry case. I hope it is not a leader of a fucking screwdriver.

• 23:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because that's what they do. I've seen people do that. I know, I know, I'm not, listen, let's give Tony the benefit of the doubt.

• 23:54Tom Segura?

  Benefit of the doubt, we need you sober and slinging dick out there.

• 23:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's right.

• 23:58Tom Segura?

  I don't want you inebriated.

• 24:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, and keep working, Tony, keep getting a job. Because I think the job is what keeps him in line and on track.

• 24:06Tom Segura?

  It's true.

• 24:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like him unemployed.

• 24:08Tom Segura?

  Different men.

• 24:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  Idle hands.

• 24:09Tom Segura?

  Different men attract women in different ways, you know?

• 24:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so true.

• 24:13Tom Segura?

  There's certain guys that like, I don't know, some guys do this bullshit.

• 24:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like that.

• 24:21Tom Segura?

  Your man doesn't have a lean, energetic, strong physique.

• 24:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I don't like it.

• 24:25Tom Segura?

  Gets you off the pill and toxic cosmetics and build a purpose driven business and lead, protect, and like, he's one of those.

• 24:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's not for me.

• 24:33Tom Segura?

  But he, this, it's still an angle. It's just an angle.

• 24:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's a way to get laid.

• 24:37Tom Segura?

  Certain chicks are gonna see that and be like, I like him.

• 24:40Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, but it's too aggressive. I personally, I mean, you've known this about me. I like the weirdos, I like a dark knight. I like, I'm into, you know, the vampires. I like Peter Murphy, I like Robert Smith. I like this, I like Depeche Mode, I like Dave Gahan, I like these.

• 25:00Tom Segura?

  You really do like that.

• 25:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Out of shape, a little weird, I, I'm, I'm okay. There's something about the dark.

• 25:07Tom Segura?

  See?

• 25:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love the darkness, I'm, and look, I love you because I do think that deep down inside you are a serial killer. And I think that's why I'm very into you, I'm drawn to your darkness.

• 25:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  But I'm just saying, look, remember, remember when I was your fantasy Tina? And I dressed up a long, I did it like three times for you.

• 25:28Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 25:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  It took hours to put prosthetic boobs and lips, hours.

• 25:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  All I'm saying is I did that for you. Do you think you could do that for me?

• 25:38Tom Segura?

  Dress up like Tina?

• 25:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, like dress up like Robert Smith or, you know, Peter Murphy or Dave Gahan.

• 25:48Tom Segura?

  One of your goth heroes?

• 25:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just once. You've never worn black eyeliner. You've never put on any of my lipsticks and I have every shade for every skin tone. You didn't even try red.

• 26:00Tom Segura?

  Look, Hitler, what he did was he got rid of the queers.

• 26:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're not queer. They're all married to women.

• 26:07Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  I'm just saying.

• 26:09Tom Segura?

  I know. It's so weird that that, see, that's the thing, though. That's a different angle. So like.

• 26:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Of course.

• 26:13Tom Segura?

  One of those guys could totally seduce you.

• 26:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  They did.

• 26:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know how many weirdos? Yeah, that's, that's how they got in. But that's okay. You know what, though? Can I just, can I talk to you for a second?

• 26:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, sure.

• 26:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  The point of the story is, this is what attracted me primarily. Like my young Christina loves the dark. Even, even when I was just, listen to me.

• 26:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, I'm talking 1984. I'm watching MTV. I'm not into, you know, the metal guys. I'm into David Bowie.

• 26:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 26:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  I saw him in the video for Blue Gene. Put, bring up David Bowie, Blue Gene. And instantly I knew, this is the kind of guy I like. I like the British weirdos. I like guys in eyeliner. I like pale faces and, and cheekbones and cigarettes. And out of shape is okay. I'll just, this, this, something inside of me was like, that's the one.

• 27:08Tom Segura?

  He's not, he's just thin. He's real thin.

• 27:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Real gaunt. I like the AZ sort of sick.

• 27:13Tom Segura?

  I'm the opposite.

• 27:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  But that's what I'm saying. So then later on I matured. I got matured. And can I, can I tell you something? Real talk?

• 27:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I met you and because you're an actual. Alpha male, something primal too switched on in me. And I was like, this is the guy. I finally found a real man. Cause this is a different lane.

• 27:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 27:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  These are effeminate males.

• 27:37Tom Segura?

  Totally.

• 27:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  But your masculinity, I was all in. Your smell, I just, like I still, I, I'm very attracted to you.

• 27:44Tom Segura?

  Good.

• 27:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  But maybe we could merge Bowie with Tom.

• 27:48Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 27:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Robert Smith.

• 27:50Tom Segura?

  We will.

• 27:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Will you do it?

• 27:52Tom Segura?

  No.

• 27:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  Please.

• 27:53Tom Segura?

  We'll talk about it.

• 27:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just once. Oh, there he is. I still love him. I think he looks great.

• 27:59Tom Segura?

  Look at that.

• 28:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 28:01Tom Segura?

  I think he looks great.

• 28:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, of course. It's Robert Smith, babe.

• 28:04Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 28:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's so cute. And I like that he's stuck to it. He's still wearing the black eyeshadow. He's got the lipstick. His hair looks great.

• 28:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he, he looks good. You definitely got it there. He looks good.

• 28:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  I would take 10 Robert Smiths over like one, that fit guy that we just saw. I'm not into the fit guy.

• 28:25Tom Segura?

  No.

• 28:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  This, this is not very exciting.

• 28:27Tom Segura?

  This aesthetic is exciting?

• 28:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Always. Until the day I die.

• 28:30Tom Segura?

  But do you think it's because you know Robert Smith and his talent when you see this image?

• 28:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, this is, this is the look that I. My sexuality was formed watching like eighties alt boys. Do you know what I'm saying? Like that nine year old Christina in 1984, watching David Bowie.

• 28:48Tom Segura?

  Was like how you.

• 28:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was my sexual beginning.

• 28:51Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 28:52Christina Pazsitzky?

  The Clash, watching, you know, Joe Strummer with these weirdos. I like weirdos.

• 28:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you do. You've always liked weirdos. Cause you also liked that, um, what's that actor that you, you always liked?

• 29:02Christina Pazsitzky?

  So many.

• 29:03Tom Segura?

  No, the fucking guy, dark hair, um, Buffalo 66 guy.

• 29:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:11Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's his name?

• 29:12Tom Segura?

  I forget.

• 29:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's so funny. I like that weirdo stuff. Yeah. Vincent Galle. That's my aesthetic, yeah.

• 29:21Tom Segura?

  That dude for real looks like, like Charles Manson.

• 29:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know, I love it. I love crazy. Now put some black eyeliner and red lipstick and now we're talking.

• 29:30Tom Segura?

  Is that a still from a movie or just life? The, with the denim, the dark denim on?

• 29:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Looks great.

• 29:36Tom Segura?

  I mean, is that just like him out there? Because that's fucking.

• 29:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just in the world.

• 29:42Tom Segura?

  Right. You're like, yeah, he's an interesting guy.

• 29:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, I just love it.

• 29:46Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 29:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know, there's mystery there. I'll tell you why, because the average guy.

• 29:49Tom Segura?

  I want you to die. What does he say? Oh, in the police, okay.

• 29:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  The average guy.

• 29:54Tom Segura?

  Oh, he plays the Golden State Killer.

• 29:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  Can I, can I talk to you for a second?

• 29:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm just.

• 29:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  The average guy, the average male is not very emotionally intelligent, right? You're gonna do, do, come, yeah, right? These guys pretend to be a little more emotionally available to women.

• 30:09Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 30:10Christina Pazsitzky?

  And that's why. So I think that's why teenage me was like, oh, he gets me.

• 30:14Tom Segura?

  He gets me.

• 30:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Robert Smith, if I met him, I would just have to meet him and he would fall in love with me, right? We've talked about this before.

• 30:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 30:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  And then we would talk about our feelings and he would get that I'm a depressed teenager. Like that's the.

• 30:24Tom Segura?

  I'm depressed too.

• 30:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah. And then we'd fuck.

• 30:28Tom Segura?

  And we are back and we are thrilled to bring back one of our favorite guests of all time, the great Tom Green, everybody.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. This is amazing.

• 30:37Tom Segura?

  You know, most people are content to have one new project. Why three?

• 30:43Speaker 04

  Well.

• 30:44Tom Segura?

  Is it greed? Is it just being greedy?

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:46Tom Segura?

  Sounds very greedy. I, I need a documentary. I need a series. I need a special. I mean, how much did you fleece Amazon for in this negotiation?

• 30:55Speaker 04

  Uh, you know, it wasn't too bad. Wasn't too bad.

• 30:57Tom Segura?

  Nice.

• 30:58Speaker 04

  But, uh, no, it was cool. I, uh, it started out with, uh, a documentary about the, sort of the history of my show and stuff like that. And, uh, they all kind of tie together.

• 31:08Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 31:08Speaker 04

  They all, all tie together. There's a stand-up special, which kind of talks about my, uh, new adventures and on my farm in Canada.

• 31:16Tom Segura?

  Dude, I just saw the trailer. I saw the trailer for this.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:18Tom Segura?

  Um, and it looks fascinating, um, that like you really decided to, you were a LA guy, obviously. Well-known as an entertainer and comedian. And then you're like, I'm out of here and I'm gonna go to, I'm gonna get a farm in Canada.

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. I mean, it's interesting because like I grew up in Canada. I didn't, I didn't leave Canada till I was 28 years old, so.

• 31:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  And then I just ended up in LA when the show was on and uh never left for 20 years, you know, but uh, but uh, I mean, I did love, love living in LA. It was fun being there and it was always good doing, doing stand up. It was, it was a good time to be in LA, but I guess when the pandemic happened, I thought, I don't want to be in LA anymore. And so I, I moved back, found this farm, didn't really know anything about farming.

• 32:10Tom Segura?

  That was gonna be my question.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  Like I didn't grow up as a farmer. No, I was uh.

• 32:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  What did you intend on growing?

• 32:16Tom Segura?

  What did you know?

• 32:17Speaker 04

  Um, so I, I, I do enjoy the outdoors. Like I would go, I like going fishing and uh, and uh, nature and being out in the wilderness and stuff like that. So, so I basically found this place because I just kind of wanted to live out in, in sort of the wilderness and just because I'm, you know, I'm still touring all the time. And when you come home, I thought it'd be cool to be like not in the city.

• 32:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:39Speaker 04

  And uh, so that's where it started. But there's these two old barns on the property and then you think, oh, maybe I should get a mule, right? That seemed like a logical thing to do. So um, and then it just took off from there, but it's uh, it's been best, best, best experience, best thing I've ever really decided to do.

• 32:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I'm so happy to have done it. How long have you been on the farm now?

• 33:00Speaker 04

  It's basically this three and a half years, pretty much. And uh.

• 33:05Tom Segura?

  Do you feel like, cause one of the things that I would think after this amount of time is that you've learned a lot on that farm?

• 33:12Speaker 04

  It's like, starting with the mule, the mule, this is Fanny. If people can see Fanny here, this is, she is an incredible mule. Um, and it started out, you know, the idea to get a mule for me was, I was thinking, oh, that'd be kind of funny. Like, cause I, I was picturing it looking like a, more like a donkey.

• 33:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 33:31Speaker 04

  Cause a mule.

• 33:32Tom Segura?

  That looks more like a horse.

• 33:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's a nice looking animal.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  No, mule is half horse, half donkey. So, and I didn't know this.

• 33:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  I didn't know that.

• 33:38Speaker 04

  So uh, they have like uh, one less chromosome than a horse and one more than a donkey, or maybe it's the other way around, because it's a hybrid. And so uh, because of that, uh, they um, they're really smart and uh, they're stubborn. People say they're stubborn, but they're really smart. And you sort of start to learn all this stuff about these animals. In order to ride her, for example, like, you know, it's taken a. She didn't, she wouldn't turn left for about the first six months. I mean, she, she figured out that I knew, didn't know what I was doing. And then she just wouldn't listen to me. So I had to kind of get some training and stuff. But, but now I've really kind of have this really close. Daily relationship where I get up and I ride her off into the wilderness. And there's all sorts of places to ride on her around the property.

• 34:22Speaker 04

  And it's the most relaxing thing. Cause you know, it's a. You know, when you walk outside in nature, it can kind of relax you. Cause you sort of, sort of brings you back to your primal sort of instincts of being, you know. You know, predators and you know, fight or flight and all this stuff. But when you're on a mule, you're also worried about like falling off and, you know, breaking your neck too. So you're really, it snaps you into the moment and just, that's what I'm doing now. I'm riding around on my mule and I love it, but it's, it's an amazing thing. So a lot of, it's been a daily sort of thing, figuring out how to. Look after her and then, and then lots of other stuff too.

• 34:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Do you grow food? Are you growing anything?

• 34:59Speaker 04

  Um, just like a garden, not, it's not really hay. We grow hay. There's like, there's hay fields that we cut.

• 35:06Tom Segura?

  Crazy thing about you telling this is that. I also, I also would believe that this is an elaborate prank. Like if, if you just revealed, like we were like, dude, I don't have a fucking farm. I'd be like, God, you got me dude.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  I wish it was in a way, but then I wouldn't get to live there. So. No, I mean, I, I've been thinking about this because. I've been talking about the show a lot lately, you know, and it's because it just came out last week. And, and you know, people have suggested that it's maybe the most normal thing that I've done in my life. But, um, I don't know, it's, you know how, you know how. You know, you know, when I started my show, we've talked about this before, but it was sort of back in the. Early days of video and stuff and, you know, going out in the street and doing this crazy, crazy stuff was kinda, you know, not, not as normal. But now you see it everywhere, right, on TikTok?

• 35:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  People painting their parents' house and doing pranks and all this stuff.

• 36:02Tom Segura?

  They're all doing that shit.

• 36:03Speaker 04

  And it was start, it's, you know, at a certain point, as I've gotten older, I thought, well, you know, cause I can't really keep doing that, you know, and then you start to think, well, what would be, probably the weirdest thing I could do would be to just go do something normal now, right? Because it seems almost like there's so much weird shit out there.

• 36:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  Maybe just to go do something, uh, you know, normal.

• 36:25Tom Segura?

  There's gotta be people out there watching you do something normal and the whole time they're like, he's gonna, there's gonna be a turn here any second.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:34Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:35Speaker 04

  You know, but it's, it's, the show's really funny. I mean, it's, it's, it's my relationship with my parents is hilarious. They're on the show.

• 36:42Tom Segura?

  You're so lucky to have your parents still.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, and that, that's, that's really the main reason I moved back to Canada. And I, uh, I thought, well, I'm gonna move back to Canada, be close to my parents and my brother and, and then, uh,

• 36:53Tom Segura?

  How far are they from you now?

• 36:54Speaker 04

  They're about like thirty minutes away. And, uh, and, uh, and so they're, they're actually at the farm right now and, uh, you know, I've got, uh, you know, so it's great, but, uh, yeah, so it's, they're, they're on the show and they're, they're hilarious. Like they got all the big laughs on the show. I mean, they, they're kinda, the tables have turned a bit. They're kinda razzing me on the show now, so. I'm not pulling pranks on them and stuff anymore. They're sort of, they may pull a prank on me on the show. I don't wanna give it away, but, uh, if you watch the show, there's, they may sort of flip it around on me a little bit.

• 37:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, they're so cute.

• 37:26Speaker 04

  They're so sweet. Yeah, but it's, uh, no, it's, and also, you know, I, I shot all the shows too, so it's like, you know, I, you know, I get my cameras and I'm still doing, I, I, you know, I always like this tech stuff, right? Like we're talking about the microphone before the show. So I I've got my I get my cameras and I'm really kind of enjoying just the creative, you know, process of filming and directing these shows. I directed these shows. The last thing I directed was Freddie Got Fingered. So you know, it's gonna be it's gonna be good.

• 37:52Tom Segura?

  Hell, yeah. Fuck, yeah.

• 37:53Speaker 04

  It's gonna be like good, like Freddie Got Fingered.

• 37:55Tom Segura?

  Legendary. That's a classic, dude.

• 37:57Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 37:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, I loved it. Daddy, would you like some sausage?

• 38:02Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 38:03Tom Segura?

  So this, because you did inspire so many people to do weird and prank stuff. Like, one of the things we do, we encourage people to go to Starbucks.

• 38:13Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 38:14Tom Segura?

  And then in like the latest one, we've because we've done different versions of this, is we try to tell them, please use a British accent.

• 38:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like a bad one, like a Cockney.

• 38:25Tom Segura?

  Say happy birthday.

• 38:26Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 38:27Tom Segura?

  And and try to say I love you if you can also. And then we have people send in videos of them doing it. So people have been submitting. So this is like an example of the people been sending in for us.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 38:46Tom Segura?

  Hello. Hello. Happy birthday.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  That's.

• 38:53Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 38:54Speaker 04

  You just. Everybody now Starbucks is just like, what the hell is going on with this influx of British people? That's awesome. Oh, nice.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  Hello. Hello.

• 39:11Speaker 04

  May I please have one lemonade and one water, please? Not bad, not bad.

• 39:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah. What size you want?

• 39:20Speaker 04

  Medium.

• 39:22Tom Segura?

  Alrighty. What else can I get for you?

• 39:24Speaker 04

  And that will be all?

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Happy birthday. Oh, my gosh. Have you heard?

• 39:35Tom Segura?

  I like that he that guy was like, yeah.

• 39:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 39:39Speaker 04

  Have you heard from Starbucks?

• 39:40Tom Segura?

  Not yet.

• 39:43Speaker 04

  This is this is. This has got to be uh, starting to kind of uh, like I'm, they must be starting to wonder at this point. Like if every Starbucks, is this worldwide? No, do, are British people when they go to Starbucks? Are they talking in an American accent?

• 39:57Tom Segura?

  That's a really good, because we actually told them, I think last week we were like, hey, if the, some people feel like their British is so bad, we're like, just do a different accent. Just don't speak in your natural accent.

• 40:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:10Tom Segura?

  And then, I think adding happy birthday is such a curve ball to somebody who's like, why, why are you saying happy birthday to me?

• 40:17Speaker 04

  No, they say happy birthday to the Starbucks?

• 40:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:19Speaker 04

  Everybody, okay.

• 40:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, you just have to say happy birthday.

• 40:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, it started with I love you. We would just tell people we loved them. And sometimes they'd be like, I love you too. Or you have to call them mommy. We would call them mommy.

• 40:29Tom Segura?

  I love you was a really interesting one though, because it throws people sometimes. Like, I'd pull up and be like, I love you, and they were like, what?

• 40:37Speaker 04

  And everybody's filming it and putting it up online, right? So, okay.

• 40:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:41Speaker 04

  It's a very, uh, it's kind of a nice prank though.

• 40:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:44Speaker 04

  That's one thing.

• 40:45Tom Segura?

  Exactly.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  Which is, which is cool. Like, I mean, it's sort of, uh, nobody's getting hurt here.

• 40:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, it's positive.

• 40:51Speaker 04

  It's actually just kind of a nice accent to hear. It probably even improves the day of the Starbucks employee. You know, we've got a lot of these nice British tourists here, and it's very kind of positive.

• 41:01Tom Segura?

  This guy did a nice one.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Upbeat.

• 41:04Tom Segura?

  Welcome to Starbucks. Are we starting anything to eat for ya?

• 41:08Speaker 04

  No, thank you, love. Uh, could I get a venti pistachio latte, please?

• 41:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  Could you make that with mousse soup?

• 41:19Tom Segura?

  He's doing like the inside stuff.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, uh, how do you say in English? Uh, oat milk?

• 41:25Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 41:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's saying English.

• 41:27Speaker 04

  In, in, in English. That cheese Danish is talking to me now. Uh, you know, I try not to eat carbs. When I see it though.

• 41:36Tom Segura?

  There's no carbs. A little Paul McCartney in there for a second.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  I know. When I see it, I think, just let me eat you one time. I better not, love. Let's just stick with the latte, please.

• 41:47Tom Segura?

  Anything else?

• 41:48Speaker 04

  That's it.

• 41:49Tom Segura?

  Okay, come on. Thank you. Happy birthday.

• 41:54Tom Segura?

  He's really getting some good ones. What's everybody? How are you?

• 41:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's everybody?

• 41:59Tom Segura?

  Oh, F A R T. Let me grab. Hey, sniff that one. What's that?

• 42:05Speaker 04

  Is that a thing Brett says?

• 42:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  They're all show references.

• 42:09Tom Segura?

  Show references.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 42:11Tom Segura?

  So he's really keeping it like inside baseball.

• 42:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Genius based, yeah.

• 42:16Tom Segura?

  Oh, it didn't tap?

• 42:19Tom Segura?

  Let me try again.

• 42:19Tom Segura?

  His accent's also fading, which I love.

• 42:21Speaker 04

  Has he appeared on the show before or is this his sort of? So this is, he's gonna be stoked about this too. I mean, he's just rose to the top of the pack of British Starbucks ordering pranksters. Yeah. That's amazing. Well, yeah, that's always was, we tried a few things like that back in the day. It's so much fun when you get people involved, right?

• 42:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's more fun.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  And, and it's, I'm actually kind of impressed, though, that you're such a nice sort of warm.

• 42:48Tom Segura?

  It's a nice one, yeah.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  It's not, nothing too.

• 42:50Tom Segura?

  One thing I saw recently too.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  Maybe you could probably make it a little crazier.

• 42:54Tom Segura?

  You can make it crazier.

• 42:54Speaker 04

  You could probably get them to throw a, throw something.

• 42:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, my God.

• 43:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Tom Green it up for us.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  Throw some cheese, throw some cheese at them or something. No, no, I'm just kidding. I think it's nicer like this. Because you don't want, you know, you don't want people getting hurt, right? You don't want to send people out to get hurt and stuff.

• 43:12Tom Segura?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 43:13Speaker 04

  I used to, we did, when I did a college radio show before, like, my show, I started when I was like, in, not in college, but I was, I guess I was in high school, I went down to the university station and I started this radio show in Ottawa. And after, it was midnight till two in the morning. It was the only, you know, time slot they would give me. And at two in the morning, I'd say to everyone listening, "Meet me on Parliament Hill in Canada, in the front lawn of the Parliament buildings. Bring a soccer ball and some pizza." And we'd go play soccer on the front lawn of the Parliament building.

• 43:44Tom Segura?

  At 2:00 AM?

• 43:45Speaker 04

  At 2:00 AM till, you know, the sun came up, basically.

• 43:48Tom Segura?

  How many people would come out?

• 43:49Speaker 04

  Like, 60 people would come out.

• 43:50Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 43:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was, it was pretty cool. And it sort of became this thing that we did for a few years there, would we, well, you know, not every week, but, you know, every, probably did it 20 times or something.

• 44:01Tom Segura?

  How, how many of the 60 were you concerned about? Were you like, "This guy's fucking..." There'd be a few, right?

• 44:07Speaker 04

  There, um...

• 44:09Tom Segura?

  The guy listening at 1:30.

• 44:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean...

• 44:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  And it's guys. It's not girls.

• 44:13Speaker 04

  It was all, it was all, no, it was always kind of people that, I find anybody... That ever got involved or engaged in things like that were usually pretty kind of creative people like like these guys and you're like they kind of were into the spirit of it. I mean, there hasn't been too many situations where it was

• 44:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  A lot like today, you know, where it's online and you read, you know, I don't know if you see the kind of things that come in online. It gets a little nutty sometimes.

• 44:35Tom Segura?

  A lot of the pranks now are like, like to really elicit, almost like elicit violence and like get people. I feel like it's, I don't know. I don't find it that.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  It seems to me like.

• 44:46Tom Segura?

  There's a guy that bumps into people.

• 44:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:48Tom Segura?

  And then when people are like, what the fuck? He has a body bodyguard.

• 44:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:51Tom Segura?

  And you're like, that's not.

• 44:53Christina Pazsitzky?

  I like that fart guy you and I passed to each other. The guy that just beefs in front of chicks.

• 44:57Tom Segura?

  It's a fart machine.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure, sure.

• 44:59Tom Segura?

  And that's really, he's like, welcome to the barbecue.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, Leslie Nielsen used to do that all the time. So this is, this is comedy, you know, farting machines are real comedy, you know?

• 45:09Tom Segura?

  Another one that I feel like is not mean, but it's so funny to kind of like this guy is in a clothing store. And he's asking for pants that they don't have, a size they don't have.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 45:21Tom Segura?

  And then they just keep asking and the guy's like, we don't have that. And then he's like, well, what kind do you want? And the guy's like this thirty five thirty. He's like, yeah, we don't, we have zeros. Like, no, not a zero. We want a thirty five thirty. And they just keep going back and forth like.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  It's interesting how like things going on too long has become sort of quite.

• 45:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 45:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 45:42Speaker 04

  Fun to watch.

• 45:43Tom Segura?

  It's fun.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  I did a video once that was just a throwaway thing that was on my public access show. I don't think it even aired on MTV because MTV aired, re aired this stuff from the old show. And it's now become one of the most brought up videos where I went to Subway and I just ordered a sub. And then I said, oh, can I have a little more lettuce, please? And can I have a little more tomato? Okay, that's a little more black olives, please. A little, a little salt and pepper, some oil. Can I have some little extra mayonnaise? A little more lettuce, but it went on for like 20 minutes. The subs just... And this is one of these things where, you know, I've been getting, hearing that Subway's been having people doing this, you know? But, uh...

• 46:22Tom Segura?

  Just a little more.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  But it was, it was a nothing bit. It was a nothing bit. And then all of a sudden YouTube, it's like the one that popped on YouTube more than any of them, so...

• 46:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  What's interesting is that is Subway allowed to refuse you the free items?

• 46:34Speaker 04

  That's the sort of the loophole. That's what I felt was kind of like the interesting loophole. Cause there's nowhere there's a sign where it says you can't have a little more lettuce, you know? Like, there's no rule that, that, uh...

• 46:44Tom Segura?

  And it's subjective. A little more is subjective.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah. It's not like avocado, which is a premium item.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. I redid this, exactly. And then the notice in 1994, they don't wear the gloves either.

• 46:55Tom Segura?

  Nice.

• 46:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Thank the golden age.

• 46:58Speaker 04

  That's been pointed out, but, uh, but, uh... Do I get extra cheese as well? I guess I'll get some lettuce. Just a little more lettuce. And I'll get some tomatoes. Black olives, I guess. Look at me.

• 47:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at the baby.

• 47:09Speaker 04

  It's probably 25 or there or something. Two pickles, and I guess I'll get some pepper.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  A little bit of lettuce, a little more lettuce as well. He's like, okay. And some mayonnaise.

• 47:25Speaker 04

  And I guess a couple more tomatoes.

• 47:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  So funny. What's so funny?

• 47:32Tom Segura?

  Cause you, you know, it's just building.

• 47:36Speaker 04

  It's a huge sandwich. And some pepper. A few more black olives as well. Just a few more.

• 47:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's so much.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  And I guess a little bit of green pepper. A little bit. And some onion as well, please.

• 47:55Tom Segura?

  And it's polite. That also helps that you're very polite.

• 47:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:00Tom Segura?

  I guess. I guess I want some.

• 48:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  The, the monotone?

• 48:06Speaker 04

  It's funny to me that we're actually watching this in its entirety right now.

• 48:09Tom Segura?

  I know, sorry.

• 48:10Speaker 04

  We're not only annoying everybody back then, but we're annoying everybody now as well.

• 48:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  I love it.

• 48:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's so heavy. Look at that sandwich.

• 48:19Tom Segura?

  Just scroll to the end of this.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  Halfway through.

• 48:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  He never says anything to you?

• 48:26Tom Segura?

  Look at that fucking thing dude.

• 48:30Speaker 04

  A little, just a little mayonnaise?

• 48:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Now he's shaking his head.

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Some lettuce? That's it. Oh, he stopped you there. I actually forgot whether he drew the line or not, or whether I quit.

• 48:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Did he put toothpicks in it?

• 48:48Speaker 04

  I don't, I don't know, but I tell you, that was a good.

• 48:51Tom Segura?

  You had to push that guy. That sweet man, you pushed him to the point where he goes, that's it.

• 48:56Speaker 04

  That's it.

• 48:57Tom Segura?

  I'm not doing that anymore.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  There's something about.

• 48:59Tom Segura?

  You already got seventeen sandwiches worth in this sandwich.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:04Tom Segura?

  That's it.

• 49:04Speaker 04

  I think that started out, that idea started out out of necessity, you know, because I didn't have much money when I was a kid and we'd go skateboarding and we were hungry. Yeah, so it was like, you get a nice extra salad out of the deal, but.

• 49:15Tom Segura?

  That's awesome.

• 49:15Speaker 04

  But, but, yeah, there's something fun about like razzing fast food places. Because everybody relates to it, right? Everybody can get involved.

• 49:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but there's like, it's funny because there's this like line too, like when you think about it. Because nobody wants you to be like a dick to like an hourly wage person.

• 49:34Speaker 04

  Right.

• 49:34Tom Segura?

  But there's something like endearing about, you're, you're just at, you're not, you're not demanding. That's a big like factor in it. You're not like, you're like, I guess I'll have a little more.

• 49:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Your tone was great.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  It's an interesting point because I've, I've thought about this quite a bit over the years because, you know, when I was, when I was a kid there, like, you know, that, that guy was making a lot more money than I was, you know, like I didn't have a job. I was just running around with a video camera and I was living in my parents' basement and to, you know, razzing people in the street or messing with people at the subway, like I was punching up, you know what I mean? Like this is, this was like, this wasn't, you know, me going around messing with, you know, people and, and, and in the same way. It kind of felt like speaking truth to power. You know, like they're talking to the subway guy, you know, this is a, this guy's like, you know, a real sort of established sort of a member of our society that keeps society running, you know?

• 50:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, and Subway's not gonna go broke.

• 50:29Speaker 04

  Without a job.

• 50:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 50:31Speaker 04

  I was going around, it was more, it's more, I would apply it more to. Like, security guards, like, we'd rass security guards a lot.

• 50:36Tom Segura?

  Everybody hates security guards.

• 50:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, and they'd kick us out of places for skateboarding and stuff like that. Charlie, come here, come here, come. My dog Charlie's with me. Come here, Charlie, come. Should introduce everyone. But so,

• 50:48Speaker 04

  being young and going and doing pranks on the street, and being young and broke and doing pranks on the street, it felt like, um, less mean.

• 50:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:58Speaker 04

  And, uh, now, so, that's, I think, kind of a distinguishing thing, I think. You know, you see, like, everybody now has the phone, they can shoot perfect audio and video and, and the sort of the, you know, the ability to enter this sort of world has gotten so much easier for people that, uh, that you do get the people you're talking about who just haven't really thought it through. They're just trying to do something, let's go up and, you know, punch somebody or, you know, be mean or, but like I, like I've been, I've been, I've been, uh, I've been guilty of watching a lot of this stuff. Like, I actually really like watching, um, I talk about this in my stand-up special, but I'm not doing a bit, but I, I do watch Karens getting arrested and tased a lot.

• 51:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 51:41Speaker 04

  I do enjoy that. I watch Karens getting arrested and tased. Is something that I, uh, really enjoy.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  And it's sort of mean, cause, yeah, you're not sure who is the instigator here. Is the Karen the one that started it? Or is this sort of the mischievous young prankster sort of?

• 52:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're not pranksters. She definitely started it.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  Started it, yeah.

• 52:06Tom Segura?

  She got arrested.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  Okay, good.

• 52:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  She did? Can I see the beginning?

• 52:09Speaker 04

  But then sometimes it's people capitalize on somebody who's maybe a little bit sort of, uh, you know, because you can wind a Karen up pretty easily. Yeah. Getting physical, too.

• 52:20Tom Segura?

  He's about to throw her a coffee.

• 52:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, oh, shit.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, there, oh, wow, she really took a smack at him, huh?

• 52:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn.

• 52:26Speaker 04

  Wow, see, yeah, I can't, I love this. I love watching this stuff. I can't really... Oh, no, wow, she's really nice. Yeah, yeah, she's, oh, the guy's grabbing her, too, this is...

• 52:41Tom Segura?

  Well, he's like, "Stay away from my lady."

• 52:43Speaker 04

  But the thing I kind of wonder is, is the guy also kind of like, sort of realizes, hey, this is some good content for my, uh, for my TikTok, you know? So they kind of troll the...

• 52:54Tom Segura?

  In a little bit. Which is also. Kind of fun. He's trying to get her. His lady away from her. Yeah.

• 53:05Tom Segura?

  Holy crap.

• 53:08Tom Segura?

  Oh, my gosh. See, at this point, this guy has to realize that, you know. Probably not a fair fight.

• 53:15Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, but they are filming this Karen without her consent, too, which is riling her up.

• 53:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, she came at them, though.

• 53:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  I know.

• 53:22Tom Segura?

  She got she was locked up for this.

• 53:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, cool.

• 53:24Tom Segura?

  The lady was. The older lady was locked up? Yeah.

• 53:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 53:26Tom Segura?

  Wow. Yeah. Cause she, cause she really. She got physical. She really hurt that guy, too. The whole thing, yeah. You really smacked him pretty good.

• 53:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  She's gonna throw a hot coffee at him. That's crazy.

• 53:36Tom Segura?

  It's the, this is sort of the, our society just sort of crumbling, basically, is what's happening. Well, she got the, the story, he's wearing a Palestine shirt. That's what fired her up about this. Oh, okay, so it's political, too? Yeah, it got political, too. Oh, boy, okay, well. But I do find myself, uh. Sort of. Watching a lot of this. I, I, I watch mostly TikTok now is pretty much what I watch now. I can't stop watching it.

• 53:58Christina Pazsitzky?

  I can't stop, it's where I get my news of the world because it's, yo, have you been on world TikTok yet?

• 54:04Tom Segura?

  No.

• 54:05Christina Pazsitzky?

  Put that in as a search, so instead of your algorithm giving you what you want to see, you'll actually see what the fuck is happening in the world. It's really interesting stuff, or Euro talk is cool, too.

• 54:15Tom Segura?

  Oh, you can turn off your algorithm.

• 54:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  It'll sabotage your algorithm.

• 54:19Tom Segura?

  You know what's interesting is that we actually have some TikToks that.

• 54:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  I curate them.

• 54:23Tom Segura?

  Uh huh.

• 54:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  And, but I like to highlight the marginalized communities, people without a voice.

• 54:28Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  Taj Mahal in India, I'm sweating me bollocks off. Just about to pass out, going for the shit. But apart from that, it's alright.

• 54:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was this gentleman's review of the Taj.

• 54:40Tom Segura?

  Is he ordering a Starbucks or?

• 54:43Tom Segura?

  I'm sweating me bollocks off, other than that, it's alright. His review of the Taj Mahal. Yeah.

• 54:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  And he has to take a shit.

• 54:48Tom Segura?

  It's alright. This actual, modern Marvel. Yeah.

• 54:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  So cool, that's, that would be my review.

• 54:56Tom Segura?

  The eight wonders of the world. It's alright, I gotta take a shit. I gotta go. It's fucking hot, man, I keep sweating. And you're sure that's not on your algorithm?

• 55:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's all I love.

• 55:07Tom Segura?

  Okay, here we go. What could possibly be causing her back issue? Put your elbows together. That's ridiculous.

• 55:17Tom Segura?

  And then I want you to. Look at me.

• 55:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ooh.

• 55:22Tom Segura?

  She was like, did my tits just break?

• 55:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  They ripped out.

• 55:26Tom Segura?

  You should get tits like that.

• 55:27Speaker 04

  Society is crumbling.

• 55:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  You think for my next round of boobs, I should get these?

• 55:33Tom Segura?

  Fuck yeah.

• 55:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because I still have to get reconstruction, Tom.

• 55:35Tom Segura?

  Perfect. Those are perfect.

• 55:36Christina Pazsitzky?

  These are my, I haven't gotten my forever boobs yet.

• 55:38Tom Segura?

  People say there's no such thing as perfection, but I'm fucking looking at it. Those are perfect.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  Just go with what Tom says. I don't want to weigh in on this, but.

• 55:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  I mean, look.

• 55:48Tom Segura?

  Have you ever seen a more perfect pair of tits?

• 55:50Speaker 04

  I mean, they're, they're definitely like the, there's, there's, like she did something there.

• 55:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 55:54Speaker 04

  Yeah. There's something going on, for sure.

• 55:56Tom Segura?

  That's what I'm saying. Beautiful.

• 56:00Speaker 04

  Oh, boy. Ah.

• 56:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  This is a tattoo on the eyeballs.

• 56:03Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Come on. Why, why do people do these things? I can't. Oh, man.

• 56:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at that, dude.

• 56:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but the end results are so cool, dude.

• 56:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is so worth it.

• 56:15Speaker 04

  I can't even look at that.

• 56:16Tom Segura?

  It's so worth it.

• 56:17Speaker 04

  I can't even look at that. That, to me, that just makes me so sad, really, to think that. Well, really, you like that?

• 56:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's an artistic expression.

• 56:26Speaker 04

  I just feel like, you know, the idea that you're gonna realize at some point that you, you wanna sort of change your mind. Probably hard to do tattoo removal on the whites of your eyes, too.

• 56:34Tom Segura?

  It probably is.

• 56:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that's probably.

• 56:36Tom Segura?

  That ink stays in there pretty well.

• 56:37Speaker 04

  You know, it's not, you can't go in and do the sort of like the Pete Davidson, just remove 200. I saw him on Fallon the other day, he was just removed all of his tattoos.

• 56:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  He did?

• 56:45Speaker 04

  Like 200 tattoos, and he's been doing it for a year, but they.

• 56:48Tom Segura?

  He's been doing tattoo removal, really?

• 56:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. But, you know.

• 56:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  I just saw it on television, but I mean, it's like, I don't think you can do that with the whites of your eyes.

• 56:56Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, I had, I started doing, I have a tramp stamp that I wanted to get removed. And I started, I did once, and I was like, I'm done. I don't want to go back for this. It's too painful.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  It's like hot bacon grease.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  Imagine doing your entire.

• 57:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Wow.

• 57:09Tom Segura?

  200 grand he spent on tattoo removal. Wow.

• 57:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Good for him.

• 57:12Tom Segura?

  Has been sober. That's cool.

• 57:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's, I don't have a tattoo. I don't have one tattoo.

• 57:17Christina Pazsitzky?

  No.

• 57:18Speaker 04

  So, but.

• 57:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  Maybe look at your mule. Maybe Fanny.

• 57:21Speaker 04

  Get my, get Fanny. I could see that, yeah. I could see that. It really is, it really is. Uh, something though. You guys, next time you guys are up in Canada on tour, you gotta come by the farm.

• 57:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh wow.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  We'll go, uh.

• 57:34Tom Segura?

  Where is it exactly?

• 57:34Speaker 04

  Go ride some mules. It's sort of outside of Ottawa, Ottawa Valley.

• 57:38Tom Segura?

  No, give me the address.

• 57:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly, yeah.

• 57:41Speaker 04

  I'll give it to you later, for sure.

• 57:43Tom Segura?

  Okay, okay.

• 57:45Speaker 04

  But, uh.

• 57:46Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, this is David Gold.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  Y'all like eggnog?

• 57:51Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. That's not eggnog!

• 57:54Speaker 01

  I love it. I just can't get enough of it.

• 57:57Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 57:58Speaker 01

  Now, look at this steak.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  I eat all the medium rare parts off of it and we're down to the rare parts.

• 58:05Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 58:07Tom Segura?

  She likes these videos.

• 58:08Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  But that's good, because that's a good-sized piece of steak.

• 58:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is!

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Throw it back in the frying pan and cook it to medium rare and it'll be nice and warm.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  Does this go somewhere?

• 58:17Speaker 01

  When I get hungry again.

• 58:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, that's why it's golden.

• 58:20Speaker 04

  He's just showing you his lunch.

• 58:22Christina Pazsitzky?

  Right, and that he likes eggnog.

• 58:24Speaker 04

  And the eggnog, yeah.

• 58:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  But you didn't know that before we watched it.

• 58:26Speaker 04

  That's true, that's true. That's true.

• 58:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's eggnog.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  Well, that's, that's true. You get to see some real authentic stuff now, online, that we didn't get in television, where they had sort of professional writers and producers putting together things that are interesting to watch.

• 58:42Tom Segura?

  Wait, you're trying to tell me? Okay.

• 58:45Christina Pazsitzky?

  But, but why?

• 58:46Speaker 04

  No, but, but then, but you get so used to that.

• 58:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  Over a whole lifetime, growing up, watching all this really interesting stuff, that it becomes uninteresting.

• 58:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:54Speaker 04

  And now to see something that is just sort of mundane is also kind of exciting, I think.

• 58:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, I agree.

• 59:00Speaker 04

  That's kind of what I'm saying about moving to the farm and just doing something normal.

• 59:03Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  It seems kind of like, uh, a little bit, uh, new.

• 59:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, this feels subversive.

• 59:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:08Christina Pazsitzky?

  Like, I'm just watching this guy David and who knows where he lives? He's making a steak, he's making eggnog.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  I was expecting it to be, "That's not eggnog." I was expecting something like that, but no, it's just eggnog and a steak.

• 59:18Tom Segura?

  I ate this part of the steak, I can reheat it later.

• 59:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it's nice we get to see it to people's places and see how people live. And he looks like he's doing good. So it's got a nice place there and makes me feel okay about, you know, the way my kitchen normally looks, although I I'm engaged now. I have a fiance now. So my house is like a lot. She's very, she helps me organize my life. Amanda does. So my kitchen used to look like that, but not anymore.

• 59:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Will you get married on the farm?

• 59:43Speaker 04

  It's very possible, very possible. Yeah, we haven't decided exactly what we're doing yet, but yeah. We just got engaged right before Christmas. It's very exciting.

• 59:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, mazel, very new.

• 59:53Speaker 04

  And we're traveling around in a in my camper van. So she's, I'm sure she's really excited about that. We're living in a van right now.

• 1:00:02Tom Segura?

  Women love vans and they love sleeping in them.

• 1:00:05Speaker 04

  Absolutely, absolutely. That's, that's how, that's how we met. I pulled up in the van. I said, get in and no, no, actually, we met on the on Instagram. I was, so I moved back to the farm and there's a pond on the farm that, of course, being Canadian, I thought, well, I gotta play hockey on the pond in the winter. So we had the pond, made a little video of me playing hockey on the pond. And she saw that. She lives in the area. She sent me a video of a do it yourself Zamboni. Which is what you use to clean the ice. You know this, you're Canadian.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  And that's how we met. Most Canadian way to meet ever.

• 1:00:43Tom Segura?

  So Canadian.

• 1:00:44Speaker 04

  Yeah. And so now we're, I'm doing a stand up tour right now. So I was just at the mothership last night all weekend. And then before that, we were in Dallas and Chattanooga and Oklahoma City and just traveling.

• 1:00:56Tom Segura?

  That's awesome.

• 1:00:57Speaker 04

  Doing, doing spots. And then we're going to take off and do some, some camping.

• 1:01:01Christina Pazsitzky?

  Awesome.

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  And then drive back up to Canada. So I have not been enjoying getting on planes as much this last few years. So I've started driving more to the gigs. It's, it's kind of.

• 1:01:12Tom Segura?

  You enjoy it.

• 1:01:13Speaker 04

  I enjoy it. I enjoy not going to the airport and I've been sort of routing the shows.

• 1:01:17Tom Segura?

  I hate the airport, but I do love flying.

• 1:01:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  It ruins everything, the airport.

• 1:01:22Tom Segura?

  I want to fly to lunch. Like, I wish I could fly everywhere.

• 1:01:25Speaker 04

  You probably can fly to lunch, right? You have probably have a jet parked out back or something at this point, probably.

• 1:01:30Tom Segura?

  Come on, man. Yeah, I do.

• 1:01:34Speaker 04

  This is so incredible, though. I mean, it's just so, so amazing to see what you guys have done here. I mean, It's, I don't even really understand how, how it all works. I mean, you must be producing a lot of shows here and stuff.

• 1:01:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, there's a few things, yeah.

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's and, and, uh, cause I was at the studio where I was at the studio and was at your house too, though, right? Did I do the show at your house?

• 1:01:55Christina Pazsitzky?

  No, did you do it in Reseda?

• 1:01:57Tom Segura?

  We did, we did do it at the house.

• 1:01:58Speaker 04

  I did at your house and then I also did it at.

• 1:02:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  We've had so many studios. You did it in Will and Hills where we had our little baby.

• 1:02:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was right, right, right before you got your other house, yeah.

• 1:02:07Christina Pazsitzky?

  That was fun. Oh, yeah. That was a great studio. It was soundproofed. It was.

• 1:02:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Out of our home.

• 1:02:15Speaker 04

  So I, I, yeah, I was.

• 1:02:16Christina Pazsitzky?

  Stressful years.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  Now, now was that, uh, was that in the first time you set up your studio and at home, obviously?

• 1:02:24Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  Did you imagine this? Did you visualize and, and?

• 1:02:28Tom Segura?

  That was like the fourth iteration.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  This entire empire?

• 1:02:32Tom Segura?

  I don't know how this, it all, you know, came like slowly together, but each move was always like, kind of like an upgrade in, in how you do the show.

• 1:02:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just, uh, it's, it's amazing. Like I, cause I, there's a clip that's been kind of circulating of, uh, you know, from my Web-O-Vision show. I called it Web-O-Vision. It was before podcasting was called podcasting.

• 1:02:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  You were the father of this stuff, Tom. If there was no Tom Green, there'd be no Your Mom's House.

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  It, it was, well, technology was all changing and I thought, you know, cause I'd always made my own show, like in, on public access. It was me making the show. And then, um, you know, the internet was happening. We always used to upload audio clips onto my website and things like that back in the nineties, you know? And, uh, my friends, Glenn Humplick, who was on my, on my show, the co-host on my show, and, um, Phil Giroux, they're computer guys. So going back to early days, growing up, doing the show back in the nineties, they were tech entrepreneurs. And my dad was a computer guy too. So they were kind of always looking at, you know, video, how fast it's, how, how fast the internet has to be

• 1:03:43Speaker 04

  until we can actually stream video on the internet. So we're just kind of waiting for it to happen, you know, waiting for.

• 1:03:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Just to be able to send video on the internet. And then all of a sudden, it was possible. And so I just made Freddy Got Fingered, right? And then after you make a movie like that, if you want to do a TV show, you have to build a studio in your living room. That's the only way to make a TV show after you make a movie like that. So necessity kind of was the reason for it. But then, so we did it. And but then Joe comes on the show. And I remember he's sort of looking around. There's this really cool clip of him. And he says, oh, man, this is great. You know, you don't need a network executive. Someone's just got to figure out how to make money doing this, right? And then, of course, Joe figured that out. And I'm playing at a strip mall in Chattanooga.

• 1:04:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  But isn't that wild? That you were really an innovator. You were like the first generation of DIY television. It's interesting because I was being in LA doing it. And I started inviting just everybody up, you know, all the comics and stuff. And it was really kind of fun. But, you know, there was no revenue stream at the time. I mean, I was, I had a couple little deals here and there. But like they were barely covering the cost of just like my one employee and the cameras and the internet was expensive, you know?

• 1:05:12Tom Segura?

  Oh, it had to be back then.

• 1:05:13Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, we had to get like sort of super bonded T1 lines brought up into the Hollywood Hills and all this stuff. But it was kind of, yeah, it was pretty, pretty exciting, though. We had a lot of weird shit happen back then because, you know, it was live. And it was, you've got to kind of imagine going live with Joe Rogan or whoever we had on that week. And you're the only live show on the internet. Like, there was no lives, Instagram didn't exist yet. There was no live streaming on YouTube or anything. So we were literally the only live show on the internet.

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  And uh, and there was a lot of people watching, you know, we'd get a lot of people, the stream would crash at first, we had to, we had to figure out how to make the-

• 1:06:01Tom Segura?

  Did you have an idea of how people were watching? Like, did you have-

• 1:06:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, there were, there were like millions of people watching on, on various, you know, platforms on, because we would play, it would then be posted on my website. And it was, yeah, you gotta remember, like, it was not even, there was no YouTube, so there was a company in San Francisco called BitGravity.com. And they were basically CDN, Content Distribution Network, and they were basically making servers that you can upload video to and then embed it on your website, right? And uh, they weren't even really making it for broadcast, they were making it for, you know, just various uses, right? And uh, so now, we had a-

• 1:06:41Tom Segura?

  Probably like training videos and information-

• 1:06:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, and just, you know, yeah, just websites and things like that. And so we were sort of doing this sort of entertainment type show. But I remember, uh, so I had to pay per click, right? And it was, you know, initially, we weren't getting very many people watching.

• 1:07:00Speaker 04

  And then, this was in the MySpace era, so we then started embedding, this was right when they came up with the idea, you could get an embed code. Embed the, this is probably really inside baseball here, but you could embed it on the MySpace page. And so, we started doing that, and at the end of the month, I got a bill for seventy-five thousand dollars. Right? And I called them up, and I believe I actually was crying, actually, when I called them. I, I can't, and then they, they, they actually let me off. They, they, they, then we did, they did a sponsorship deal with me and-

• 1:07:36Tom Segura?

  They did?

• 1:07:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, they didn't, they didn't, they didn't make me pay for it, which was really cool. And uh, this great guy Barrett Lyon, who was really innovative technology guy there, kind of came in and they support-

• 1:07:47Tom Segura?

  Seventy-five-

• 1:07:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, because it was just like, you know, it was millions and millions and millions of downloads, and the, you know, the, the price structure was set for like, you know, if you have ten thousand downloads-

• 1:07:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:57Speaker 04

  So um, so uh, but that was, that was, and I remember, I remember one day, I, I, I replay this in my head quite often, actually, we were sitting- There in the in my bedroom, you know, at a bedroom that was sort of the studio where we had all the, you know, computers and everything. And I'm on my computer and I get an email on the website. It's somebody, hey, we're up in San Francisco. We really love what you're doing, man. It's like, really cool, you know. You should come check out what we're doing up here and maybe do something with us. And I'm like, oh, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just doing our own thing here. Yeah, thanks. Nice meeting you. And then it was YouTube, these guys from YouTube.

• 1:08:41Speaker 04

  In their apartment, in their apartment up there in YouTube. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's cool. You keep doing it. Yeah. In my mind, I was thinking, yeah, I'm doing something, you know. Oh, you do your thing. We'll do our thing over here. You know, that happened a few times over the years where I go, oh, maybe I should probably should have gone up and met those guys.

• 1:09:00Speaker 04

  But anyways, but, you know, it was, it was, it was, it was fun. And then, you know, and then all of a sudden, you know, all of a sudden, the technology started to catch up and people were streaming everywhere. But we had some pretty fun early days. We had, we built a switch and some guys working with me who were like, you know, kids out of film school who were like really smart and they would like figure out how to,

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  like, build weird, weird shit that we'd come up with. Like, we had a switch under the desk that we sort of soldered, like there was a soldering gun involved. And it, it hooked up to the whole studio. And you would flip the switch and all the cameras would come on, the lights would come on. The computer would start recording. Another computer would, you know, tell the, you know, at the, when you turned it off, it would then record it and then post it. It was doing all this sort of Linux sort of computer code talking to each other. But it was really basically set up so I could get up in the middle of the night and walk out into the living room. And flip the switch and the whole studio would come on. I'd be by myself and then there was a switcher on the table and the phone would start ringing and I'd just do these.

• 1:10:13Tom Segura?

  No shit.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  And so I would get up. This is probably why it didn't take off, I think, because I would get up and I would put clown makeup on. Usually at around one in the morning, just sort of whenever I felt like it, which was usually at once a week, I would sort of get the urge to get up. I put my clown makeup on and then I would go and it was the French clown of midnight. I would speak.

• 1:10:34Speaker 04

  And I'd go and I'd just, every once in a while you'd tune on and at midnight there'd be a two hour clown speaking French to people calling.

• 1:10:41Tom Segura?

  Just French?

• 1:10:42Speaker 04

  Just French, yeah, and, uh, and, uh, yeah, so it might have been just a little too obtuse, I think, for, uh, for people, but.

• 1:10:50Tom Segura?

  That's so amazing, dude.

• 1:10:52Speaker 04

  But, uh, but no, it was, uh. It was fun for sure, but, uh. There was something fun about it being kind of, uh, you know, just sort of just doing it and, uh. We had a lot of, a lot of, uh, pretty, uh.

• 1:11:08Speaker 04

  Like, one of the things was we had a, uh, a, a group of people who were essentially their life became about pranking the show, right? And so there's a phone on the desk and they would call and they would say, do a barrel roll, which is what this thing was. It was, uh, from, uh, 4chan. It was this, uh, online.

• 1:11:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:24Speaker 04

  You know, sort of, uh, they, they're, you know, uh, a big chat room, basically, right? So they would call up and, and say, do a barrel roll, which was, or rick rolling. They would rick roll.

• 1:11:37Speaker 04

  And so this was, uh. This was sort of the beginning of the end of the taking phone calls thing, but it was, it became kind of like a thing where it was, I wasn't really sure if I was. Creating this.

• 1:11:49Tom Segura?

  What would you do when, when they?

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  Well, I would, I would feign anger to the point, like I was angry, but then I would, I would make it way worse.

• 1:11:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:58Speaker 04

  And so we sort of had this ongoing kind of, uh, you know. War basically going on, which was, which was fun, um, but, um. You know, I think, I think now, now that there's so many places for people to. Frank, it wasn't, it's not as, it sort of, it was, uh, it sort of became a, uh, yeah, I mean, if you, if you, I get, I get people going on my social media now every day saying, "Do a barrel roll." Like, they're still-

• 1:12:23Tom Segura?

  Still doing it.

• 1:12:23Speaker 04

  They're still mad about it.

• 1:12:24Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:26Speaker 04

  No, it was, yeah, here we go, here's probably, yeah, I'm not sure what, be careful what, uh, happens here. Sometimes they said some things that you probably might wanna beep out to. Hi, um, I'm Xenon, and hi, Tom Green. Um, Tom Green, can you do a barrel roll for me? There we go, do a barrel roll, yeah. And, uh- A barrel roll? Yeah, a barrel roll, on air. A barrel roll? Yeah, a barrel roll.

• 1:12:58Speaker 04

  A barrel roll? A barrel roll. I have a feeling this probably doesn't go anywhere, by the way. A barrel roll. But, um-

• 1:13:10Speaker 04

  A barrel roll? Likely, likely goes on for about half an hour, but, uh-

• 1:13:14Tom Segura?

  But, that's you also dealing with it in the moment.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:19Tom Segura?

  You're repeating it.

• 1:13:20Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, and, you know, it was, there was this feeling of,

• 1:13:26Speaker 04

  even though we would have a lot of people watching, ultimately, when you were live, it wasn't necessarily,

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  um, I don't know, there was this sort of anonymity to it, even though there was, ultimately, a lot of people would watch the videos when we post them, but there was this sort of feeling that you could sort of say anything on the internet back then, and it wasn't really being, you know, watched-

• 1:13:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:48Speaker 04

  -by the, you couldn't get cancelled for saying something wrong or something like that.

• 1:13:52Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 1:13:53Speaker 04

  Not that we made a habit of going out and saying things you're not supposed to say, but there was this sort of feeling of like, "Nobody's watching this."

• 1:13:59Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:13:59Speaker 04

  You know, which was kind of nice, actually.

• 1:14:02Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 1:14:02Speaker 04

  You know, it was kind of, you know, it's, uh, you know, you could experiment and not worry about, uh, you know- Uh, you know, screwing up.

• 1:14:11Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 1:14:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:12Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:13Speaker 04

  Charlie, look at this, look at this girl here. Come here, come here Charlie. It's my dog Charlie.

• 1:14:18Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:14:19Tom Segura?

  Did Charlie fart earlier?

• 1:14:20Speaker 04

  Uh, that was me, actually.

• 1:14:21Tom Segura?

  That was you?

• 1:14:23Speaker 03

  Hi Charlie.

• 1:14:24Speaker 04

  It was probably Charlie.

• 1:14:25Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, hey.

• 1:14:26Tom Segura?

  It was a good fart.

• 1:14:26Speaker 04

  I just thought that was the thing to say.

• 1:14:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is Charlie a boy or what is?

• 1:14:29Speaker 04

  Charlie's a girl, yeah.

• 1:14:29Christina Pazsitzky?

  Charlie identifies?

• 1:14:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  As?

• 1:14:31Speaker 04

  Identifies as, as a girl.

• 1:14:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Okay.

• 1:14:33Speaker 04

  She's a girl. But, uh, but yeah, she's a, she's a rescue. She's named after John Steinbeck's Travels with Charlie. Uh, cause, uh, we were.

• 1:14:41Tom Segura?

  She's a beautiful dog.

• 1:14:42Speaker 04

  Her first year of her life, we spent out in the desert, uh, in, uh, in the van. But, uh, yeah, she's, uh, she's.

• 1:14:51Tom Segura?

  She's got a sweet face.

• 1:14:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, rescues are special too.

• 1:14:54Speaker 04

  She comes on stage with me on all my shows too.

• 1:14:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I think I saw a clip of that.

• 1:14:58Speaker 04

  She's gotten to the point now where she just sits there in a little chair and, uh.

• 1:15:02Tom Segura?

  Enjoy the show?

• 1:15:02Speaker 04

  Enjoy the show.

• 1:15:03Tom Segura?

  Doesn't get thrown by noise or anything like that?

• 1:15:05Speaker 04

  In the beginning she did, you know, in the beginning she did, but, uh, but she's, uh, pretty cool with it now. I, in fact, I'd say that she actually looks forward to the show.

• 1:15:13Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 1:15:13Speaker 04

  I can tell at showtime, you know, when we're doing shows every night, she's sort of before the show, she's sort of, and then she hears the crowd. I see her hear the crowd and then she walks towards the stage. And, uh, it's a nice thing.

• 1:15:24Tom Segura?

  That's very cool. Here's something nice to kind of take us out on.

• 1:15:34Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:15:34Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh shit.

• 1:15:35Speaker 04

  That's a good one.

• 1:15:35Tom Segura?

  He's okay. He's okay.

• 1:15:38Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:15:39Tom Segura?

  Oh, ah.

• 1:15:41Speaker 04

  Oh, oh. Yeah, that's, that's not good.

• 1:15:45Tom Segura?

  Nice. Golf cart jumps are fun though.

• 1:15:49Christina Pazsitzky?

  Is that a rascal or a golf cart? I think that's a rascal.

• 1:15:53Tom Segura?

  That kind of bit, that could have been a rascal, yeah. That's a motorcycle.

• 1:15:58Speaker 04

  Oh, ah, Mac, oh.

• 1:16:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  Ah, it fell on him. That's the worst.

• 1:16:03Tom Segura?

  Really what the damage has done.

• 1:16:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh boy.

• 1:16:09Speaker 04

  Oh, that's, oh, that's, oh.

• 1:16:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:16:11Speaker 04

  Oh, that's a broken neck right there. Come on, man.

• 1:16:15Tom Segura?

  Shit.

• 1:16:15Speaker 04

  How many people, uh, must be, uh?

• 1:16:19Christina Pazsitzky?

  What are they feeding that lawn?

• 1:16:21Speaker 04

  Have they statistically done any sort of studies on how many people have been?

• 1:16:25Tom Segura?

  You know, permanently, uh, sort of

• 1:16:29Tom Segura?

  altered, paralyzed by, by, you know, because of The front falls, it gets you. Because of social media, because of because of this desire, because of these phone and the, and you know, of course, the this sort of trend, I guess of doing this.

• 1:16:41Christina Pazsitzky?

  Because of us, you mean?

• 1:16:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, because of you guys. This is good.

• 1:16:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  All of us being jerks, creating this stuff?

• 1:16:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:47Christina Pazsitzky?

  Celebrating it?

• 1:16:48Tom Segura?

  Absolutely, absolutely. Well, because people, uh-oh. Pay attention to the wind.

• 1:16:51Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh!

• 1:16:53Tom Segura?

  Wow. You know what? It was all worth it. He made it on to, uh, on to your mom's house. Yeah.

• 1:16:59Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yeah, it's fine.

• 1:17:01Tom Segura?

  Oh, man!

• 1:17:03Christina Pazsitzky?

  The face plant is, uh,

• 1:17:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  That's always hard to watch.

• 1:17:08Tom Segura?

  Yes. Is he okay? I don't think so. I don't think so.

• 1:17:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Scranny.

• 1:17:14Christina Pazsitzky?

  Scranny. Is there any blood coming out of his mouth? Scranny.

• 1:17:17Tom Segura?

  Scranny.

• 1:17:20Tom Segura?

  Oh, boy. Oh, oh my gosh. So, what did you, do you know what happened to him? Or is this just your?

• 1:17:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's fine.

• 1:17:29Tom Segura?

  He is? I think he's okay.

• 1:17:31Christina Pazsitzky?

  I think he's, oh, there he is.

• 1:17:33Tom Segura?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:17:33Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, he's sitting up.

• 1:17:34Tom Segura?

  Poor guy.

• 1:17:35Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, he's walking.

• 1:17:36Tom Segura?

  Okay, good, okay, good.

• 1:17:37Christina Pazsitzky?

  He's got a back brace.

• 1:17:38Tom Segura?

  Okay, here's the list of that. He'll make that jump the next time he tries it. This is the, uh, injury report. Ready? Eight broken ribs.

• 1:17:44Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh.

• 1:17:44Tom Segura?

  Pelvis broken in two spots, fractured C4, C5, and C7 neck. Double brain bleed, 22 broken bones in right shoulder. Medically induced coma for three days. Um, he's been recovering for three years now, and he's back to doing wheelies and basic stunts. Well, good, well, that's good. Just living, don't want to give up on those dreams of making that,

• 1:18:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  Dare.

• 1:18:05Tom Segura?

  Making that jump. Uh, cranach. Yeah, that's, I always had sort of a, like, I skate, I was a skateboarder. I loved skateboarding and I always, you know, did jumps and stuff, but I always sort of had some thing in my mind that said, okay, that's the limit, that's the line, you know?

• 1:18:21Christina Pazsitzky?

  You knew a line?

• 1:18:22Tom Segura?

  You know, so, yeah.

• 1:18:24Christina Pazsitzky?

  Hey, Tom, did you get your period?

• 1:18:27Tom Segura?

  Did I get my period?

• 1:18:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  I got mine right before we started.

• 1:18:29Tom Segura?

  No, I haven't, no.

• 1:18:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  At the break.

• 1:18:30Tom Segura?

  I'm right on the, I'm about to. I can tell that it's like.

• 1:18:32Christina Pazsitzky?

  I gotta track mine. Hold on. I need to put it in my app so I get my days.

• 1:18:36Tom Segura?

  A lot of times our periods sync up, so. Oh, yeah, nice.

• 1:18:38Christina Pazsitzky?

  It is kind of cool.

• 1:18:39Tom Segura?

  So, how's Garth Brooks doing? Has he gotten, has he gotten ahold of you, or has, does there?

• 1:18:44Speaker 04

  Been some sort of, any sort of resolution to that?

• 1:18:48Tom Segura?

  No.

• 1:18:51Tom Segura?

  You know what's interesting is that we heard through personal contacts that he was very unamused.

• 1:18:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:59Tom Segura?

  By this.

• 1:19:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:00Tom Segura?

  And then shortly thereafter, he's been, there's alleged accusations by his former makeup artist. That he allegedly.

• 1:19:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:13Tom Segura?

  Did things to her that are very, very.

• 1:19:15Speaker 04

  You were sort of suggesting he was a serial killer, I think is what it was.

• 1:19:18Tom Segura?

  What I, all I.

• 1:19:19Speaker 04

  Was that the suggestion? Or I don't know, I don't want to.

• 1:19:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:22Speaker 04

  Allegedly, you suggested.

• 1:19:23Tom Segura?

  What I allegedly said was that allegedly that people had gone missing.

• 1:19:27Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:19:28Tom Segura?

  That kind of lined up perfectly with certain tour dates.

• 1:19:30Speaker 04

  It was just a fun sort of observation, right? Wasn't meant to be taken seriously, I don't think.

• 1:19:35Tom Segura?

  I also noted that he had some very notably awkward, just personality traits.

• 1:19:42Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:19:42Christina Pazsitzky?

  Have you seen his Facebook posts and his social media posts? They're very unnatural.

• 1:19:48Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:19:48Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what it is? It's like the uncanny valley. Do you know what that is? Like when someone's robotic where they appear to be human?

• 1:19:54Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:19:54Christina Pazsitzky?

  But something's just slightly off.

• 1:19:57Speaker 04

  Like Chris Gaines was an interesting choice as well. But I mean.

• 1:20:00Christina Pazsitzky?

  You said it.

• 1:20:01Speaker 04

  But a great country artist and incredible legend of our time, right?

• 1:20:06Christina Pazsitzky?

  The dark side of the force.

• 1:20:08Speaker 04

  Cause I just put out a country album. That's why I brought it up. So yeah, so I was tying it into myself.

• 1:20:12Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, fantastic.

• 1:20:14Tom Segura?

  In addition to, in addition to.

• 1:20:17Speaker 04

  Go check it out. It's called Home to the Country and you can hear it and, and it's available everywhere right now that you get country music.

• 1:20:24Tom Segura?

  And you get, this is the Tom Green documentary, which he directed. The Tom Green Country Series.

• 1:20:30Christina Pazsitzky?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:20:30Tom Segura?

  And the standup special, I Got a Mule.

• 1:20:33Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:20:33Tom Segura?

  And an album.

• 1:20:34Speaker 04

  And an album, yeah. And the, and the album is the soundtrack to the show and we record it, there's. This incredible legendary band from Canada called The Tragically Hip.

• 1:20:43Christina Pazsitzky?

  Yes, I know them.

• 1:20:44Speaker 04

  Absolutely. So we recorded it all in their studio and the music sounds great. So go check out Home to the Country.

• 1:20:50Tom Segura?

  When you do you ever do this thing like when you introduce yourself to people? Do you go, you know, I'm a director, producer, you know what I'm saying? I'm a choreographer. I do. I got music. I make music.

• 1:20:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, with that with that accent.

• 1:21:01Tom Segura?

  I don't. I was just making up an accent.

• 1:21:03Speaker 04

  That's good. Yeah, absolutely. I don't. I don't know if I do introduce myself like that. But I, I, at one point, I think I had that on my Twitter because I saw that's what you're supposed to do. I put director. Now it just says goofball.

• 1:21:15Tom Segura?

  Oh, goofball. Yeah. Goofball's my favorite. You know, Hitler was a goofball. A lot of people don't know that.

• 1:21:19Speaker 04

  Well, maybe I'll have to change it back to what it was before, I guess.

• 1:21:24Tom Segura?

  Have you ever seen, before we press play on this, have you ever seen this? This is Garth's introduction to social media.

• 1:21:32Speaker 04

  I think I may have seen it on your show.

• 1:21:34Tom Segura?

  Maybe on ours.

• 1:21:34Speaker 04

  But it's been a long time since I've seen it.

• 1:21:36Tom Segura?

  This is when, this is when we first learned kind of how.

• 1:21:39Speaker 04

  Because I followed this sort of what's been going on on the, because I watched the show.

• 1:21:42Tom Segura?

  This is when he joined Facebook.

• 1:21:43Speaker 01

  I guess it's official. We're now on Facebook. I really wasn't sure about this at the start. But then a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense. She said, think of it more as a conversation. I like that.

• 1:21:57Speaker 04

  I see. Okay, maybe I haven't seen that. But yeah.

• 1:22:00Tom Segura?

  That's one. It goes on. It's much longer, but you know.

• 1:22:04Christina Pazsitzky?

  How do you feel watching it? What do you feel?

• 1:22:07Speaker 04

  It feels like it's the beginning of sort of mainstream media colliding with independent media. And there's sort of a way that things were always written and done before. And it doesn't really translate to.

• 1:22:21Tom Segura?

  You also feel the discomfort inside of you.

• 1:22:23Speaker 04

  I don't think that that guy is like a serial killer or anything like that.

• 1:22:26Christina Pazsitzky?

  Well, you have to watch more. No, you have to watch more. You need to watch more.

• 1:22:37Speaker 04

  I.

• 1:22:39Christina Pazsitzky?

  Look at his eyes.

• 1:22:43Speaker 04

  I really, because it's just such an absurd thing. To suggest, though, which is what's hilarious about it. But I would think that maybe he would have to come on. Maybe it's maybe you could get Chris Gaines to come on the show.

• 1:22:53Tom Segura?

  You know, we've we've reached out multiple times.

• 1:22:55Speaker 04

  OK.

• 1:22:55Tom Segura?

  And the feedback we got was, uh, no.

• 1:23:01Speaker 04

  Oh, well, I think I think it would probably be serve, uh, at least Chris Gaines well to come on the show and

• 1:23:07Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:23:08Speaker 04

  And, uh,

• 1:23:09Christina Pazsitzky?

  I, you know, I wish.

• 1:23:10Speaker 04

  Be bygones, you know?

• 1:23:11Christina Pazsitzky?

  I pray for it.

• 1:23:11Speaker 04

  I'd like to see that. I believe that will happen someday.

• 1:23:13Tom Segura?

  I hope it happens. Um, Tom Green, we have to, I have to go to the flight port. So I have to run.

• 1:23:18Speaker 04

  Thanks, man.

• 1:23:19Tom Segura?

  It's always great to see you, man.

• 1:23:20Christina Pazsitzky?

  So good.

• 1:23:21Tom Segura?

  Thank you for coming in.

• 1:23:22Speaker 04

  Appreciate you having me on.

• 1:23:22Tom Segura?

  Make sure you check out the documentary, the series, the special and the album.

• 1:23:27Christina Pazsitzky?

  Damn.

• 1:23:28Tom Segura?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:23:28Christina Pazsitzky?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:23:31Tom Segura?

  And, uh, and maybe stop by the farm. I want to come see the mule.

• 1:23:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:23:36Tom Segura?

  Thank you for coming.

• 1:23:37Speaker 04

  Thanks, Tom.

• 1:23:37Tom Segura?

  We'll see you guys next week.

• 1:23:38Speaker 04

  Christina, thank you. Dude, bitch! OMG! Fuck! Come down later, purple suit! You guys are doing good! Fuck! Come down, purple suit dancer! You guys are doing good! Fuck! Dude, bitch! Come down later, purple suit! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Come down later, purple suit! Get your passenger! Come on up! Come down later, purple suit! Gee, read with this fucking passenger! Come down, come down, purple suit! Get your passenger! Come on up! Come down later, purple suit!

• 1:24:22Speaker 04

  Gee, read with this fucking passenger! Come down, come down, purple suit!

• 1:24:28Speaker 05

  Hey, I caught you on video!

• 1:24:30Speaker 04

  OMG!

• 1:24:33Speaker 05

  Gee, I caught you on video!

• 1:24:36Speaker 04

  OMG! Fuck! Come down later, purple suit! You guys are doing good! Fuck! Come down, purple suit dancer! You guys are doing good! Fuck! Get your passenger! Come on up! Come down later, purple suit! Gee, read with this fucking-

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