#633 - Trevor Wallace

Trevor Wallace is a stand-up comedian, content creator and podcaster. You can see him live on his “Alpha Beta Male” tour happening now. Trevor returns to talk about visiting Africa for the first time, the new trend of OnlyFans bootcamps, and why we need to investigate the Wonka tapes. Trevor Wallace: https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Prize Picks: Prize Picks: Go to https://link.prizepicks.com/LME0/THEO and use code THEO to get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Play Responsibly. Tecovas: Go to http://tecovas.com/theo to get 10% off when you sign up for email and texts. Blue Chew: Visit https://BlueChew.com for 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code THEO. Ryl Tea: the tea that cleaned up its act and still tastes like the good old days. Refresh yourself now at www.drinkryl.com ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Theo Von?

  You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it, and then an hour later, you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The Black Edition Powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. Their powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds. I like Huell's shakes because they're clean and it's quick.

• 0:41Theo Von?

  I just want to make sure I have everything I need to keep going the way I want to keep going in a healthy manner. So with Huell, basically, lunch went from a daily logistical problem to a thing I can solve in about 30 seconds. Make healthy eating simple. New customers get an exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code WEEKEND at huell.com/weekend. That's H-U-E-L dot com slash weekend. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. If you missed out on any of the holiday merch, which I get it for sure, it's a busy time, we still have stuff available if you're interested.

• 1:22Theo Von?

  We've got the Bobby collab and the gang, gang collegiate hoodies and the gang totes. You can check it all out and see what speaks to you, if anything, at theovonstore.com. And thank you so much for your support. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a content creator. He has his own podcast called Stiff Socks, and his new tour is happening right now called Alpha Beta Male. You can go check that out. I'm grateful for his return. Today's guest is Trevor Wallace.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  That's crazy. I'm gonna start poaching. I don't give a fuck, dude. I've had people poach me. Mr. Beast is taking some of my guys.

• 2:20Theo Von?

  Has he really?

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 2:21Theo Von?

  No way.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  I'm poaching. I don't give a fuck anymore.

• 2:24Theo Von?

  Mr. Beast took some of your guys. Let's start right there. That's wild.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Mr. Beast, well, I mean, he hires just the best of the best. And what he does is he'll like, kind of like, it's not him. It's like people who work under him. Just finding all the best people in the industry. And honestly, I don't blame him. Because I've worked with some people that like, the line on the resume is so strong. Because you get them in, you're like, this is a very simple thing, the simple edit. You can do this, right? Mock, mock this edit and this edit. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you get it back. And you just want to be like, whoa.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  You know what? Fuck it. Coloring the lines first. Let me see that. Spell your name alphabetically first.

• 2:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, people will put trap beats and shit to your edits.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  But he just takes the best of the best. And like the people in that town, where's Greenville?

• 3:07Theo Von?

  Greensboro?

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Maybe. It's near ECU, wherever that one is.

• 3:10Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  And that's a, they got a pirate as a mascot, which 2026, I don't know if you can do that anymore.

• 3:15Theo Von?

  Greenville, North.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  But everybody, yeah.

• 3:18Theo Von?

  Nick Shirley will show up and bust all your mascots.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  And honestly, after losing a leg, why would you still want to be on a ship? That doesn't seem like a very like steady place to be. There's a lot of, a lot of wobbles going on there. And I love Mr. Beast. I'll say that. He's a good guy, but he's smart for just taking the best of the best.

• 3:31Theo Von?

  Well, I think at a certain point, you realize like.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  It's almost good. It's like, it's like if you have a hot girlfriend and she gets hit on at a bar, I'm not mad.

• 3:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  I'm mad if nobody hits on my girlfriend.

• 3:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, if somebody just comes up and talks to you and you introduce me your girlfriend and they don't even look at her again?

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Dude, I think the most disrespectful thing you can say to a guy after they, you like show them their girlfriend, be like, oh, man, as long as you're happy.

• 3:53Theo Von?

  Stuff.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  As long as you're happy. Not anymore. I'm gonna take my own life. She's, she's free now.

• 4:00Theo Von?

  Yeah. Bro, I'm gonna definitely go get her hair braided or something, or like get her rode up or something. You have to do something then. But then if somebody looks at your girlfriend three times, dude, you're like, whoa, dude.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  You get two free glimpses. It's like Monopoly. You get two free out of jails. You get two free glimpses.

• 4:14Theo Von?

  And they better be up top glimpses. They better, I mean, looking at her hairline.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Clavicles up.

• 4:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  But it is funny that like, if you're, and I don't think this happens the older you get in life, but like when you are.

• 4:26Theo Von?

  Well, I'll tell you. Go on.

• 4:29Theo Von?

  sciatica as you get older it's not as much but like when you start dating somebody it's almost like your boys are like yo check her out she's hot right look at her tits yeah and then those people get married eventually and you're like oh I've seen your wife's tits yeah why am I even at the wedding I've seen I've seen him yeah I think it's wild like that's one of the things that I think could be wild sometimes about if if somebody marries like somebody that has like a lot of only fans stuff out there and stuff like that if that can be cause I don't look at only fans but I don't know and some of the stuff might just be photos I know some of it's sex but um but it's all it's all it's all sex it's it's crazy you're like truly they don't go all the way and you do one reddit search and they're they're in the dark webs

• 5:08Speaker 01

  they're going all the way all the way oh my god it's crazy well I think they do it because it's

• 5:12Theo Von?

  like behind so many paywalls they're like nobody's gonna see this and do they even have

• 5:15Speaker 01

  a shirt on or anything or nothing no I don't even know if they have the AC on it's like a sweaty

• 5:21Theo Von?

  place I don't know man it's there's always music in the background it's always like Wiz Khalifa like young wild and free and you're like I don't know if this is the most I feel like this is a song for like a high school graduation yeah dude if you're getting kind of shanked down somewhere

• 5:34Speaker 01

  I think you gotta have the AC on I feel like AC on and windows down or like the blinds down it's

• 5:42Theo Von?

  too bright in there oh yeah but then if some of the dark I will say this having been a user pornography you're still off yeah uh I've had some setbacks yeah yeah and what sparked that setback oh I'll tell you not to trigger anything no dude you triggered something that night frustrated lonesome uh laying there like reading and they've been like oh this book isn't enough you know like and it's just a book it's like a good book photos or no it's like all's quiet on the western front or something it's like oh this book isn't enough to make me spray you know yeah you're talking about the dust bowl um there are a couple scenes in uh grapes or wrath that kind of like really

• 6:22Theo Von?

  well there is a very like there's a scene where the mom at the end or a woman who's breastfeeding at the end has to breastfeed a person because like an adult because they just don't have anything to eat yes I've been that hungry before though but that's like I mean that's uh

• 6:39Speaker 01

  Oh, we're already on Reddit. It's about to happen. We're two clicks away from some tits.

• 6:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, well, let's back out of here because I'm already.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Well, I'm already, I'm looking at the Louis C K book behind you and something about that cover like that, that feels like, like a little.

• 6:51Theo Von?

  Oh, this is awesome. Um, but yeah, dude, I think that's the kind of thing that gets me, you know? And if I haven't been meditating, I have a little, like a moment of peace before, like, I like react.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Mental masturbation, yeah.

• 7:02Theo Von?

  Where it's like, well, it's like, I'm just not as reactive. It's like I have a moment of like, okay, well, what do I really want to do here, you know? Because then I'll jerk off, then I feel bad, that type of thing. But overall, it's gotten a lot better.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  I mean, it's instant. The second it leaves the body, it's like, come out, regret in. And it's like a baton, like it's like a handoff. It's like, goodbye, good night. And then you're just sitting there with shame.

• 7:22Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  How are you in hotel rooms? Are you like, after shows, are you like, okay, I can just go straight to sleep? Or you're just kind of sitting there pacing a little bit?

• 7:30Theo Von?

  Oh, man. I mean, I think it's a variety of stuff, you know? I think, I don't know if hotel rooms do it for me anymore, which is kind of sad because that used to be the thing. Like you get in a nice room, you got to jerk off right when you get in there.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  That's the key card.

• 7:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's like, oh, I thought this thing runs on DNA. You're just spraying on the freaking, on the, on the swipe out front.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Exactly. And then you stick the do not disturb sign on the nut. But I just feel like, any room, I just, it's just not home. So it's always going to feel awkward. It's just like the, the AC, the AC needs to pick a lane. It's on, then it's off.

• 8:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  It's on this and, and you're like, why you edging me with, with AC?

• 8:10Theo Von?

  The AC does feel like it's edging all the time. And it's a crazy time of year. I think too, in the winter, you can never get the heat right in your house or your room, whatever it is. The heat is the worst because it's like, it's blazing hot for a second and then it kind of disappears really fast. It's like, I don't know. All that stuff's kind of hectic, dude. I mean, getting through the winter, getting through these days, I kind of, I never want the year to start. That's what I realize. I do not. Yes, it's like, I'm still like, trying to relax and chill and the year just starts back so fast.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  You've been taking a break though, yeah? How you feeling? Good?

• 8:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm feeling better for sure.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, nice.

• 8:44Theo Von?

  But I want to just keep doing that. And that's fine. But I think the calendar is just like, here we're going again.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  Hmm, I feel that. It takes me a while to like calm down. And then the second I started to calm down, that's when it starts ramping back up.

• 8:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  It's like to, if you really need to enjoy a vacation, you, let's say you want a week off, you almost need like two or three days before and two or three days after, to like build in and then to like build up to get out.

• 9:08Theo Von?

  Do you think like, um, do you think it's tougher for people to find like spouses and stuff these days? Because there's so much like data, like so many people like you've dated your friends and all that kind of stuff. Does that ever affect you, you think at all?

• 9:21Speaker 01

  What's the question?

• 9:23Theo Von?

  Like if you wanted to find like a girlfriend or something, is it tough? Cause it's like, oh man, my buddy's dated her. It's like, there's just so much.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, oh, uh, in the same town. I guess it just depends on like the

• 9:31Theo Von?

  That's probably true.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  The town capacity. I mean, like where my dad grew up is like 5,000 people. Yeah. I mean, at that point, it's like, you might have to run it back once or twice. You might have to date somebody you've dated years back just to be like, we hit the cycle. You know, at a strip club on like a Tuesday when it's slow and then like the same dancers come out.

• 9:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  Every like three songs, you're like.

• 9:50Theo Von?

  With a new hat or whatever?

• 9:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. And they just put like La in front of their name.

• 9:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  There's Diamond now, there's La Diamond. You're like, is this Spanish Diamond?

• 9:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, La Gino.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  So that's El Diamond. That's, and she's next. I think it just depends on the town.

• 10:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  I think that's why guys randomly just move though. Like, fuck, I'm going to Oregon.

• 10:09Theo Von?

  And dudes will be like, hey, is there, they'll just say, some dudes will send out like a tweet like, hey, is there some good puss out in Oregon or whatever?

• 10:15Speaker 01

  The craziest shit to me.

• 10:17Theo Von?

  Some dudes will reply like, bro, no puss in Oregon, dude.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  And they're with a girl right there. They're with a wife. The craziest shit is the people that like, and I'm sure you've had people like this on your tour. I, I have a girlfriend now, so I don't do this, but like, I don't, like, there'll be guys on your tour who are like swiping in the next city. They're like meal prepping swipes.

• 10:35Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  They're like, oh, I'm, I'm already in Chattanooga.

• 10:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  We're in San Diego, brother. What the hell are you on?

• 10:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, I've had some openers that are like that. They're already in the next city and they're like, oh, I got a girl maybe coming through. And I'm like, how'd you meet her? And like, I met her on Hinge or whatever. We're, we're, we're together now. It's crazy.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, the, the pre-swipes, I don't know. I mean, it's, I guess, I don't know. I guess it's like, kind of like ordering an Uber for the next day or something. I don't know. Like, there's some smart strategy behind it.

• 11:02Theo Von?

  That's Uber Eats, dude.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Uber Eats out.

• 11:06Theo Von?

  Dude, a lot of crazy stuff. What did I see that there was a one girl, um, Trish, Trisha Paytas?

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Trisha Paytas?

• 11:12Theo Von?

  Is running for office. Did you see that?

• 11:14Speaker 01

  Do you know her kids' names?

• 11:16Theo Von?

  Uh-uh.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  I don't know why you would. Um, I don't know why I do, but her kids' names are some, can, can you pull that up somewhere, someone? It's fun. Yeah. It's, uh, Elvis and Aquaman, who should be in the new Jason Momoa movie.

• 11:28Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  Malibu Barbie, yeah. Malibu Barbie, Elvis and Aquaman Moses. And they're kids, so I don't want to talk shit, but.

• 11:37Theo Von?

  Their names follow a theme of pop culture and iconic figures with Aquaman being a nod to his cancer, water sign, birth month, and the movie. Wow.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  And their fourth kid is, is Charlie Kirk.

• 11:46Theo Von?

  No.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Reincarnated.

• 11:49Theo Von?

  But this is her right here. So I never thought of, is this, is this real?

• 11:52Speaker 01

  She's running for president?

• 11:54Theo Von?

  She's running for office, I believe, for Congress?

• 11:57Speaker 02

  I never thought of myself as a political person until I started having kids and realizing like the world could be just so.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  And what is she eating? Is she doing a mukbang while running for office?

• 12:08Theo Von?

  That is crazy.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  That's a good way to keep attention, though. Why the fuck wasn't Biden eating goddamn overnight oats while doing his campaign?

• 12:16Theo Von?

  Biden was fucking eating ideas from years ago, bro. That guy was fucking eating his words. Bro, can you even imagine the pain that Biden had to go through each day when they put him back up there and they're like, okay, you're going back up there?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like.

• 12:31Theo Von?

  And he didn't have any clue what he was doing. He was, like, you've seen people.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  He's like Aaron Rodgers. He's like, he's still playing, but he just wants to be on a beach on ayahuasca.

• 12:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  He just wants to be away. I, I, I, every day I think, who would want to be president?

• 12:44Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Every day you have people yelling at you.

• 12:48Theo Von?

  It seems like the worst. But I just, when he went out there and they put him on that bike, they knew he couldn't do it. It's all crazy.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  That was the first hit from another country was the bike.

• 13:01Theo Von?

  Yeah. When he fell off that bike, or when that bike went down.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  That was somebody, that was somebody in like North Dakota being like, let's take him out. Deflate the tires.

• 13:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, let's wait one of these pedals. It would only take a little bit. What did, what did she say? What else did she say? Let's see, is this serious that she's running? And for those of you don't know, Trisha Paytas is a, um, she's a.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  She's done everything. She's, uh, really just culturally well-known online on YouTube and TikTok and everything. And I, I believe at one point she did, uh.

• 13:29Theo Von?

  Youtuber and influencer.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  P O R N.

• 13:31Theo Von?

  Um, announced, pleaded, expressed a desire to make a difference amid horrible stuff in California in the world. Calling the idea crazy but vivid. From a dream she had, she plans to run as a right end candidate initially and then self-fund her campaign. Her potential slogan, potential slogan is California could be good. Hey, that's a moderate, a kind of, that's a moderate.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. Could be good.

• 13:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's fair.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  Could be alright, not bad, could be good.

• 13:57Theo Von?

  It's a fair thing to take with.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like, I feel like that's like, uh, two levels, you know, when you go to like a hot chicken place and they have all the different levels?

• 14:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  And like, make America great again is the number one, could be good is like the starting point. Like California could be good.

• 14:09Theo Von?

  It's a nugget.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  And then it's like, Texas will fuck your ass. And then it's like, make America great again.

• 14:13Theo Von?

  Yeah. Wow, that's wild. And what is some of, does she have a, like, a, a policy? What is she kind of running on? Does she have, um, any priorities, is she saying? Does she say it in that speech? What is going on?

• 14:23Speaker 01

  How do you even run for president? Like, where, like, where do you sign up?

• 14:26Theo Von?

  Well, this is Congress. And at Congress, there's a lot of Congress people, so.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Is Congress like the farm league for baseball?

• 14:32Theo Von?

  Total of 535 members of Congress, dude.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  That's like the Brea Improv.

• 14:37Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, that felt, imagine if that fills the.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Oh, Congress, I'd bomb so hard.

• 14:43Theo Von?

  A hundred serve in the US Senate and 435 serve in the House of Representatives. But can you go back to what her priority was? Can we get to that?

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Really dark and depressing things, but

• 14:53Speaker 02

  getting a full dimension of health means being able to not only deal with my emotions and spirals and triggers, I need to start dealing with like the world, I'm gonna start my state. And I really think my slogan for running will just be like, California could be good.

• 15:09Theo Von?

  Okay, this is wild. But good for her.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  What would your slogan be for Nashville?

• 15:16Theo Von?

  Ooh, uh.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Nashville could be quieter?

• 15:20Theo Von?

  Let's get this shit hype, whiteys.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 15:22Theo Von?

  I think that could be it.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Type shit.

• 15:24Theo Von?

  And others.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  And others.

• 15:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Type shit.

• 15:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, who's ready for some Tennessee, Tennessee type shit? No.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Tennessee type shit is way better than Titans.

• 15:32Theo Von?

  Tennessee type shit, oh dude.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  I, I mean, that's the first improvement. You should be a head coach somewhere.

• 15:37Theo Von?

  The Tennessee type.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  You're at a lot of games, like, you know ball.

• 15:40Theo Von?

  We've had a great deal of games, man.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Well, the college is great. The university, I mean, Cam Ward, shout out to him. He seems like a great kid. He's gonna go far.

• 15:49Theo Von?

  He seems like a nice guy over there for sure. I mean, I only met him one time, but he seems nice. Yeah, they've had a rough season over there. They're looking for a new coach right now. So I think they're in a lot of rebuilding going on over at the Titans.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Totally. Well, they should hire Trisha Paytas. Cause the Titans could be good.

• 16:02Theo Von?

  Could be good.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Could be good.

• 16:04Theo Von?

  Dude, you're right. It's kind of the perfect motto. If she were to win office, the freaky singer, it says here, um, and this is the hill. Said her primary goal would be to raise the age requirement for participating in adult entertainment to 25.

• 16:18Theo Von?

  I think that's probably a good idea.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Is that because that's when like the brain is fully developed to be like, hey, should I be throwing my post online?

• 16:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think, well, I guess that's, I mean, I think it's up, it's obviously up to the women, but I think having a better understanding of what you want to do before you kind of lock yourself into a video or something is probably, is probably a good idea.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  It is crazy. You can get fully nude on the internet before you can get a Bush light. You can show Bush before getting a Bush light.

• 16:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  18, pop it out, but you can't go to a bar?

• 16:47Theo Von?

  That is kind of wild.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  But that was like the original stance with like the war. It's like, well, you can fire for this country at 18, but it can't get a goddamn coarse latte.

• 16:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  That's just, now we've just rotated. Women can show puss, but they can't get a Pacifico?

• 17:00Theo Von?

  Well.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  That's what I'm running for.

• 17:02Theo Von?

  Yeah. Dude, yeah, you could, you could storm the beaches of Pacifico, but you can't get one. You know, that's kind of the crazy part. Dude, the wildest, uh, maybe they'll do like a, like a mashup, like the army and only fan, it'd be like army fans. Maybe they'll do like a mashup.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  There's kind of a army going, there's like a war going on in the OF world right now. Like, I don't know if it's like fascinating or I don't think we should draw any more attention to it, but like there's some girl like selling a course and everyone's kind of yelling at her.

• 17:29Theo Von?

  Who's selling, selling a course?

• 17:31Speaker 01

  She's selling a course on like how to be like in OF, but she's doing like Andrew Tate, but for like. Popping it online.

• 17:39Theo Von?

  Like, like how to like. How to do it and do it well?

• 17:41Speaker 01

  I guess maybe it's about like different positions or something. I think it's like how to like market like, like if you want to be an OF girl, this is how you would run it. And she, it's a course like, like with any of these guys like Andrew Elliott. Andrew Elliott? No, Andy Elliott. It's just a course that they're selling for $6,000. And now other girls who do that are like, hey, why don't you just give this out for free? Like, why don't, why are you talking to a piece of shit? Like, this course is not good. Like, the course is just getting.

• 18:06Theo Von?

  I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's, it's up to girls, right? It's their bodies. It's their choices about it. Like, but I do think 18 is kind of young.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  It's very young.

• 18:15Theo Von?

  We had a lady on named Leila McElwate, and she talked about a lot of pornography that's online. It's not consensual. So a lot, there was like a lot of, lawsuits that made, uh, that made like Pornhub and some of these other sites take down non-consensual sex. So it was sex that had been recorded, but nobody ever signed off and said, okay, yes, I'm okay with you putting that up, right? So OnlyFans Camila.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  It's her.

• 18:42Theo Von?

  Arajao, um, pays his backlash for $5,000 course. People saying it's a scam.

• 18:49Theo Von?

  I mean, people make courses for everything. It's like, if you go and buy this and that's your choice, do I think it's probably the best thing to be kind of marketing? I don't know. I, I'm not a woman. I don't know if, but I think,

• 19:04Theo Von?

  I don't know. Would I want my daughter probably doing that if she's like eight? I don't know. I, I'll tell you this, it'd be nicer if somebody's 25 and they're able to make that choice probably.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it's just anytime people spend money on something, there's a sense of entitlement where it's like, if you pay a premium, you're expecting a premium return. And then if you log on to it or you buy it and it's just a shit course, then you're instantly mad. So.

• 19:25Theo Von?

  A lot of those courses are pretty mid, though. Remember all those ones during COVID on Facebook? They were like, it was like the, like, everybody was putting a course up, it felt like.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I did one at one point, too.

• 19:35Theo Von?

  You did?

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Early, early, early on social media. During the pandemic, it was just like.

• 19:39Theo Von?

  Even drive by somebody?

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Blow O's. And blow loads. That's what it was called. Um, O's and loads. No, it was just like during the pandemic and I was literally like, I'm just such a workhorse and I like, if I'm not doing anything, I like, I just feel guilt. I feel like I need to be doing something. And during the pandemic, I was like, what if I did like a, just here's everything I do, start to finish, video ideas when it comes to creating ideas, adding it and.

• 20:03Theo Von?

  Did you feel good about it?

• 20:04Speaker 01

  I felt like, I felt like it was true to me. I don't know, I don't know. Uh, which is cool because now I have multiple friends who I watch and admire online. And like years later, we're like, yo, low key, we took your class. Like, thank you for teaching us the game. What the fuck?

• 20:19Theo Von?

  Dude, actually, I took-

• 20:20Speaker 01

  So now I'm hanging out with students.

• 20:21Theo Von?

  I took a comedy class when I started.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:24Theo Von?

  So I, yeah, you're right. It's like, what's the real difference?

• 20:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, it's, it's not up anymore. Or I don't think you can buy it anymore, but like, it was just, um, at the time, it was a one-time purchase, hundred twenty-five dollars, which-

• 20:37Theo Von?

  That's fair.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, it's like-

• 20:39Theo Von?

  Well, you're a workhorse though, dude. You love your work. You're locked in, you know?

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I haven't done those in a while, but yeah, well, it was-

• 20:45Theo Von?

  I get this.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  It was, it was broken down into chapters. It was like five hours totals of stuff. And it was just me saying, I mean, I'm sure parts of it were like, maybe boring, but I think if you watch the whole thing, I really break it down. Like, that's what's been the hardest thing for me is like, hiring additional help is like, I am so locked in on like, exactly what I want, what I'm looking for. And then I tell it to somebody and then they don't do it. I'm like, no, it was this. Like, mock this example here and it's just-

• 21:09Theo Von?

  And then you have to do it yourself in the end. And that takes a ton of time. Dude, that's the same way I'm with edits. It's like, I gotta stay up and go watch through the edits. It's like, I just gotta make sure I'm very meticulous. It's hard for somebody to get your like, exact ways down, you know? It's just tough.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Which is hard because it's like, if you do it, then they don't learn. But sometimes just whether it's a deadline or something, I'll be like, here, just let me over the shirt. I'm like, move this, do this. I'll do it myself. And be like, you get it? And they're like, yeah, but, but I'm not like, teaching them. So. I don't know. Nobody told you like, like getting into comedy, now you have to be like, an employer. Like, you have to be like a boss.

• 21:40Theo Von?

  Oh, that's the worst.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. You guys hear that back there? It's the fucking worst. Make his life better.

• 21:44Theo Von?

  No, they do. I, I, I'm the problem. I feel like usually it's like, you know, cause nobody knows what you want and you don't even know, like-

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:52Theo Von?

  It's so hard to explain yourself, you know? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But it is crazy from going to somebody who just wanted to kind of rest all day and like, barely made it to the shows sometimes. Dude, I remember one time I was drunk. I peed on my phone or whatever and I couldn't even fucking get a hold of like, the people to come and get me for the show. Just like-

• 22:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:10Theo Von?

  Nightmare shit. And then to go from that to being like, oh dang, I'm in, I like, people are waiting to hear back from me about stuff. It's like, that kind of stuff's a lot. I think evolving in a place, um, especially if you find out that you like to work a lot, um, and then becoming a boss is super hard. And, and learning to communicate like a- Like, I'm trying to learn to communicate better. It's been a slow climb, man.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  The hardest part for me is like, if I'm not working, then nobody's working, it feels like, which isn't true, but like, it feels like I need to be there to like, run ship. But if I'm not, then people are kind of like, what are we, who do I, how do I, that's why touring makes it hard. So, in a perfect world, they just want to bring everybody. Fuck it, bring your Dell, bring your PC, you're editing on this flight, and we can just all be there.

• 22:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  Which is just not realistic. But I feel like comedians now work harder than they've ever worked. When you first started, like, I remember you were on Last Comic Standing, right?

• 23:00Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Like, in those days, what was kind of like your day to day in comedy? Like, was it just, you wake up and you just had spots at night, or were you doing other shit?

• 23:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, you had spots at night, go to the gym, probably just try to take care of yourself, like, you know, stay like, you know, I liked going to the gym at the time. So, do that. I mean, I started doing like this like crank texting thing and some weird stuff, like making some websites.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, oh, yeah, like trying to look for some other comedy.

• 23:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, finding something on the internet that could like, be like another like force for me, or like another thing that I could do.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  Who were like the big dogs in LA when, when you were, uh?

• 23:34Theo Von?

  Oh, Nick Thune, Owen Benjamin.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:37Theo Von?

  Uh, Dane Cook was like the biggest guy right when I got there.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:42Theo Von?

  Um, I never saw him much, but sometimes he would come by some of the rooms. Um, who else? Um, oh, uh, Steve Byrne, Adam Hunter. Those were like the guys that were like, um, real popular at the rooms that I went to. Um, and every now and then, like, uh, somebody magical would come through, like a Jim Norton would come through, or like Chelsea Handler, I think, came in one time. But those weren't in the clubs, they were just, those were just like in the like tertiary rooms, you know? Some of those guys, I guess, and girls had started getting into clubs.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  So what have you been up to in your time off, your break? You, you taking a couple months off, no?

• 24:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, I mean, off of stand-up.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, right, right.

• 24:17Theo Von?

  We're still doing a ton of podcasting.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  In my head, I go like, oh, I have a week off, but that just means from touring.

• 24:22Theo Von?

  Right.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  A week off is, now I'm just doing the same shit, but at home.

• 24:24Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, it's nice having a break from, uh,

• 24:27Speaker 01

  Travel.

• 24:28Theo Von?

  From travel, yeah, from that kind of thing. Um, I mean, I got to go to a lot of football games, that was fun. I haven't been able to do that, like. I mean, I've probably done 26 weeks a year for probably 15 years.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:39Theo Von?

  So it's like, you know, it's hard to kind of plan it, but it's hard to go out of town whenever you just went and were out of town even for work.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 24:45Theo Von?

  So that was fun getting to go to a lot of SEC football games. That was great. I gotta redo my comedy special, so we're gonna re-tape that at some point.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Oh, nice. Have you announced it yet?

• 24:54Theo Von?

  Nope.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  Breaking news.

• 24:55Theo Von?

  I haven't announced it yet.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  You heard it here live. Uh, do you know where you're shooting it yet?

• 24:58Theo Von?

  I don't yet. We're gonna start. I gotta start figuring that out. Just wanted to wait till I felt like kind of excited about, uh, just kind of getting back on stage and I'm just like, I just wanted to have some like space, like just the tour. It was just a lot. Last year was just a long year.

• 25:12Speaker 01

  Totally, man. Totally.

• 25:13Theo Von?

  Um, but it was great. I mean, you know, it was good and it was just a lot. You're just learning and life's changing and you're like, man, this is like.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  You just take a second to like pause and like, what's the real priority here?

• 25:23Theo Von?

  Yeah. And you had to get security for some stuff. You know, you started realizing you're kind of freaking out when you're by yourself a little bit, like things like that.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Um, I mean, like.

• 25:31Theo Von?

  And that makes it kind of spooky, you know?

• 25:33Speaker 01

  So I, I think if you took a, what a sample size of like one in seven Americans, I would say six of them know you.

• 25:43Theo Von?

  Oh, no, I don't think.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  But like seven people, just any, like Santa Fe, New Mexico, uh, for, you know, Dayton, Ohio. I mean, those two definitely, but like if you like.

• 25:53Theo Von?

  Couple of twinks maybe, you know?

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, but like, I think you're just so, you're just so known that there's sometimes that you don't, when you just show, you're just so you though, that it like, I, I don't know if you see it. I mean, obviously you see it, but like how the world sees you. That's something that is always an interesting thing. It's like, you don't know how the world sees you because you only see the world, but like you're so well-known.

• 26:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  That you just show up like solo and I'm like, this motherfucker just interviewed the Ukrainian missile crisis. And now he's just at the Comedy Store, walking up by himself, like.

• 26:26Theo Von?

  But you wanna feel like just your own space in the world, you know? And so I think that was like kind of a conflict a lot for me last year. And like just knowing that, okay, well, sometimes you just need to have somebody with you. And then I started really just feeling kind of paranoid when I was by myself. Um, but some of it was just people filming you, just people doing stuff that started to make you kind of crazy. Like you'll just go to eat or you'll go to do something simple and it'll be like little things and it's okay. I'm not complaining about it. I'm just saying there's some adjustment to it. And there's some psychological adjustment to it as well. And then I think like, yeah, things got scary last year when they shot Charlie Kirk. That probably scared everybody who even gets on a stage, I think was probably scared, you know?

• 27:05Speaker 01

  Oh dude, I was at the Comedy Store. I have a clip of this. I might post it. I'll show it to you, see if it's good or not. But a balloon popped on New Year's. I was at the store and my first words, I thought I just got Kirk'd. And uh, it got a, it got a big pop, but it's one of those things. It's like, do I post it? And then the internet's like, oh, well, now here we go with it. Yeah, now with it. And I'm like,

• 27:23Theo Von?

  No, I think it's fine, bro.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 27:25Theo Von?

  I think it's like, I mean,

• 27:27Speaker 01

  But then I talk about Erica and her eyesight and like that, that's when it goes like a little like,

• 27:31Theo Von?

  I think you have to joke about it. Like I start thinking of things to talk about, about stuff like that. I mean, it's just, but yeah, I think all that made people kind of spooked. It was like, what's going on? And then it doesn't seem like the investigation, like what's really happening here? And there's like, they show the kid at a Dairy Queen or something. It's like he's wearing different stuff.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. The biggest thing is like, I think this might've been put on by Dairy Queen. Like there, there's no way that they didn't put a bit in to some bigger picture to be like, listen, blizzards aren't doing the numbers they used to do. Like, but, but think about that, any, okay, now I'm getting real conspiracy in here, but any fast food place he goes to, their sales are gonna go up. People watch this and we're like, yo, I lowkey want a Blizzard right now.

• 28:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  If fucking Jack in the Box did this shit and he ate two tacos.

• 28:18Theo Von?

  Bro, that's it. Well, dude.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  I'm fucking sick of this planet. Get me off this bitch. Dude, if Baskin Robbins did this, they would have thirty-two flavors.

• 28:26Theo Von?

  Oh, they'd have, oh, I'd fuck.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  They'd bring the Choco Taco back to Taco Bell.

• 28:30Theo Von?

  I'd make a new flavor for them in the back, homie. That's what I want, dude. That's what that twink fucking.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Dude, if that would have happened out of Ben and Jerry's, they would have had it. They would have that flavor quick.

• 28:39Theo Von?

  Dude, how do they not have?

• 28:40Speaker 01

  Twink Shooter? Twinkle, twinkle, little star?

• 28:43Theo Von?

  How do they not have twink shooter? Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor? Dude, that's the thing. Some of these, some of these food companies have got to start to come out with foods that people can relate to. It's like, how do they not have that, um, the, the rooftop Gunner's McNugget or something, you know, like, or like, and it's like a little guy.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:04Theo Von?

  Maybe they serve them on a roof, like you open up the thing and there's a little roof in there? And they're all placed on there and one of them has a little pistol or something?

• 29:11Speaker 01

  Dude, can you, can we pull up a?

• 29:13Theo Von?

  Is that crazy, you think?

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Oh, it's insane. But can we pull up a McDonald's Happy Meal? It has a kind of a roof in it.

• 29:18Theo Von?

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? And they put a toy, that, but that, the fuck? Bro, and Pizza Hut, you don't even wanna see a Pizza Hut with the old, with the old motherfucking sombrero on it?

• 29:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, bro. Put a sniper on there.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Bro, and when Papa John's said that word, they should have done a different specialty.

• 29:33Theo Von?

  Oh, and Papa John's, you should, when you open one of the boxes every day, this is how they do it. One magical box. It has one of those voice things in it that when you open it.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Like a birthday card?

• 29:44Theo Von?

  Yes. It says the N-word. And if you get that pizza, you get it free.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Isn't that interesting? With no reward, it's so fucked up. It's so bad. But then you get a reward. You're like, this is low-key Willy Wonka.

• 29:55Theo Von?

  Yeah. All people want is a little bit of something extra. They want a little bit of prize, you know?

• 30:02Speaker 01

  I, I, I'm, you know, the Epstein files are out, but I'm excited for the Wonka files. I think some weird shit was going down at Willy Wonka.

• 30:07Theo Von?

  With Glorious Glunt or whatever?

• 30:10Speaker 01

  Turning bitches into blueberries. It's literally all children and little people running around. Like, I feel like we're getting into some weird files that are gonna drop soon. The Wonka, the Wonka tapes. The Wonka tapes.

• 30:22Theo Von?

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• 31:06Theo Von?

  What I love about the players picks is you just get to pick more or less on a player. It makes it really simple. And right here are my picks for this weekend's games. Tail at your own discretion. I don't have a great strategy, I don't think. I'm just sort of vibing. You know the drill. PrizePicks, it's good to be right. Play responsibly. PrizePicks offers DFS and free to play $50 provided as PrizePicks DFS lineups. Must spend $5 of real money on PrizePicks before receiving bonus lineups. PrizePicks predict is a registered FCM offering. Team picks and culture picks as event contracts. Both involve significant risk, not for all. Must be 18 and over, and for event contracts be a US resident. Restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Use responsibly for help.

• 31:47Theo Von?

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• 32:19Theo Von?

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• 33:04Theo Von?

  Tacovas, point your toes west. Was there any, um, will you look that up? Was there any sexual accusations or allegations during Willy Wonka? Let's look that up.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  But do the OG one, not the Tim and the Chalamet one.

• 33:18Theo Von?

  I'm just wondering, uh, investigating sexual accusations during the taping of any Willy Wonka film.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  Um, child labor laws, yeah, for sure. They're throwing bitches in a fondue pot.

• 33:32Theo Von?

  Mentioned rejecting Michael Jackson for Wonka due to prior allegations. Oh, well, Michael Jackson was gonna be in Wonka?

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Trilling and Chocolate Factory. All right, that was the worst joke I've ever said.

• 33:43Theo Von?

  We'll take it out. Um, but dude, I guess like, yeah, going back to it, what do you think? Do you think there should be an age law for sex work?

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, um, I, I do think 25 could have made sense. You like, it, like, I think about what I was doing from 18 to 22. I mean, I was just in college and I was making the worst decisions of my entire life. Like, at one point, I smoked weed out of a light bulb, like the. Literally the base of a light bulb and like that same guy could have been like, fuck it. Here's my dick.

• 34:15Theo Von?

  Right, because that has tungsten in it too. It could be real dangerous probably inhaling tungsten.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, might as well just smoke meth at that point, but I broke a light bulb and used the bottom of it to as a bowl for weed. So.

• 34:27Theo Von?

  That's.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, I didn't even use the glass.

• 34:29Theo Von?

  That's crack neighbor behavior, dude.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is.

• 34:31Theo Von?

  That's crack neighbor behavior.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's parallel of of crack right there.

• 34:34Theo Von?

  That's meth adjacent, bro.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Meth adjacent sounds like a great podcast that could come out. Meth adjacent, holy shit.

• 34:42Theo Von?

  Oh, what about Freddie versus meth adjacent, dude?

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Ooh, I like that.

• 34:46Theo Von?

  But, um, or what if the, I'm trying to think if like, because yeah, if you had to be 25 to do that and you had to be 18 to be in the army. But what if they came out with like an army fans, dude? That's the thing. Like I start to see like weird business mergers happening like we've had like Long John Silver's and Baskin Robbins. Didn't they merger?

• 35:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 35:05Theo Von?

  Who merged?

• 35:07Speaker 01

  Pizza Hut and, um.

• 35:08Theo Von?

  And Long John Silver's?

• 35:09Speaker 01

  It's always the the bitches that can't pull their own on their own. You know what I mean?

• 35:13Theo Von?

  But first of all, Long John Silver's shut it down.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, that, I mean, investigate their taxes. That's a drug friend. If you thought shit was going on weird in Minnesota with the Somalis, let's investigate Long John Silver's.

• 35:25Theo Von?

  Bro, there's no catch of the day out in fucking Midland, Texas.

• 35:29Speaker 01

  The catch of the day is the felon that was working behind the fry, the fry counter. That's the catch is when he leaves and the ankle monitor goes up. Type in Long John Silver's CEO, if you don't mind.

• 35:39Theo Von?

  Oh, Long John Silver's right here, um, under companies like you, Yum Brands. That's what they're called now, creating combined locations with KFC, Pizza Hut or Taco Bell. Yeah, that's a cra- I just don't like that, dude, because I don't like somebody, you know, they're cooking fish on one, on the grill and they're also cooking a burger.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  Taco Bell does it with a bunch. It might be Taco Bell and Pizza Hut. You'll see those like randomly, like at like a.

• 35:59Theo Von?

  And they stuff them in a gas station and it's fucking.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:02Theo Von?

  It's not the same. None of that shit's the same, but dude, I could see an army fans, dude. Can you see the army fans?

• 36:08Speaker 01

  I could definitely see it. Who are they like taking down like?

• 36:11Theo Von?

  They're not fighting anybody. It's just military people to show when they're junk.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, oh.

• 36:15Theo Von?

  To make an extra buck, I feel like, or probably to fund our military, I feel like. I could just see that, you know?

• 36:21Speaker 01

  It's a good idea. To fund the military, yeah. Hold on. Why don't we do it? All these guys are jacked. They work out 24/7. They might have like a little bit of like dirt or dust on their face from being at combat. There's so many like lonely women in the Midwest, well globally, who are like, that's hot.

• 36:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, and the chants. They could do like, uh, I don't know what, uh, I'm trying to think what their chants are.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  I've been told, but this.

• 36:47Theo Von?

  But for six more dollars, you can see this whole, yeah, something like that.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  This bus is getting sold.

• 36:54Theo Von?

  That's what we need, dude. It's like left, right, left, but it's just somebody showing their different tits. Yes. It's somebody jugging off.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  To fund the military. I, I, I think.

• 37:05Theo Von?

  Cause everything's going bankrupt. So you're gonna have to find ways to fund things.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  This is what I've been hearing is like, yeah, everywhere is bankrupt, which blows my mind. Cause it's like, so what, what's like, what? We're not getting enough money and it's neither the businesses, so who?

• 37:20Theo Von?

  I know.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  I can't even think about it. It hurts my head.

• 37:22Theo Von?

  It's getting weird, dude.

• 37:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean.

• 37:25Theo Von?

  Everything's getting weird, bro. The current CEO of Long John Silver's is Nate Fowler, who took over in February 2025, succeeding Blaine Short Reed, who had served as CEO since early 2021.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  Can I see a photo of this guy?

• 37:35Theo Von?

  Yeah. That's Nate Fowler. He's a baller.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  Oh, he hoops?

• 37:42Theo Von?

  Oh, he looks like a nice guy.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  He, he looks like a nice guy. He also looks like he's never had Long John Silver's in his entire life. He's like, what are we serving here? Oh, hell no. Hell no.

• 37:54Theo Von?

  Well, dude, they have that carp or whatever. I'm like, I'm not fucking parking and getting out of my car.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Parked a carp?

• 38:01Theo Von?

  Yeah. I, I don't know. There's something about, I'm not getting carp through a drive through. I'm just not, I'm not going in there to get any carp.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Drive through is the, I think, the downfall of America. I, I saw a Skyline Chili in Ohio with a drive through. I said, if you're getting chili on the road, you might as well start drinking. You, you, you have a better chance to survive getting a DUI than eating hot Spaghettios in the back of a Tundra.

• 38:24Theo Von?

  And we start to, sometimes we think like, oh, we're Americans. We deserve so much. But then when you look at what we, what we are willing to accept, just on a daily day level for ourselves. And I know some people, they can't afford certain things and I get that. But when you're willing to just pull up with your kids and just sit there and eat chili in the car and just, just do gas on each other and do body gas on each other. What are you doing?

• 38:48Speaker 01

  It's just come to a point-

• 38:49Theo Von?

  Just because you're a Bengals fan or whatever? You don't say, "What are we doing?"

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Fucking Joe Burrow play log shit is here!

• 38:56Theo Von?

  Hey, sack this!

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's so funny how Americanized my brain, obviously-

• 39:03Theo Von?

  Catch this, T. Higgins, and your dad just farts again. You're like, "Come on, dad."

• 39:07Speaker 01

  It's probably how it all starts. That's the warm-up in the locker room. But it's so, like, this format is so normal to me that if I see a place that doesn't have a drive-thru,

• 39:15Speaker 01

  I'll be like, "Aw, let me look." Like, if I'm going to Starbucks, I'm like, "Oh, this Starbucks doesn't have a drive-thru. Let me find a drive-thru Starbucks."

• 39:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's a good point.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  All you gotta do is add a road and you up your sales.

• 39:25Theo Von?

  Oh, dude, a Starbucks on some places would be so good, on a nice steakhouse. But you could wait like 40 minutes in line, which would put your order at the sign, if it's like a busy place.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, the McRib, they just said this, "Black folks are gonna be pissed. What's inside a McRib?" McDonald's hit with class action lawsuit claiming the sandwich doesn't contain rib meat. Ooh. Well.

• 39:49Theo Von?

  TBD on that, brother. I'm gonna leave that up to my more chocolatey associates in the world, because that's out of my jurisdiction, brother. According to the complaint, the McRib is actually made from restructured pork, which combines cuts such as shoulder, heart, tripe, and scalded stomach, none of which qualify as rib meat. That's fair.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  At least it's from a pig. I thought for sure that they were just like painting some cow a different color.

• 40:15Theo Von?

  But to just do that, to lie to a culture for so long saying it's rib, I knew it wasn't rib. One of my friends lives and dies by this thing, my buddy Scotty. I'm like, he's always sending me pictures of him getting the McRib whenever it's back or whatever. I'm like, "Where did it go? It didn't fucking-

• 40:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:28Theo Von?

  What did they do?" And they used to like, I mean, Bert always used to talk about that. Bert Kreischer would always talk about, uh, how like crime would go up when the McRib was gone or whatever.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  I think it did, yeah. I think this is like a real Americans like, uh, Groundhog Day.

• 40:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  They're like, "The McRib is back. Fine, honey, you're getting a ring this year." Why don't more people bet on prize picks with fucking the McRib? Is it coming back in January? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, um, what blows my mind about fast food, and I feel like I've talked about it on this podcast before. I don't know why, but um, what fucks me up is, you know, the grill marks on chicken? Not real grill. It's just a little, it's tattooed on.

• 41:08Theo Von?

  What do you mean on chicken? You mean on just regular chicken you buy?

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Not, not at like at a, if you get a grilled chicken from McDonald's, not breaded, but grilled, they have like grill marks on it. That's fake. That's, it's like literally, it's like a hen tattoo.

• 41:19Theo Von?

  Grill marks on, it's like a hen tattoo.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:22Theo Von?

  Grill marks on fast food chicken are often fake, created by industrial branding machines.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:26Theo Von?

  Oh, God.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. So they do that for the illusion that you're like, this was on a grill.

• 41:31Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  But I'm a suck, I mean, like if I see, I'm not questioning it.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Well, this scene, they, but I don't think it's that.

• 41:38Theo Von?

  They're not doing that. That's some guy.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  That's more work.

• 41:41Theo Von?

  That's Nicholas Tesla making a chicken.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  But if you, if you type in like a McDonald's.

• 41:49Theo Von?

  No, I think it says it right there. It's obvious, man.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  But I'm sure there, there's a video where you like erase it. Like, I'm pretty sure.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  Have you ever wondered how frozen food companies?

• 41:56Speaker 01

  No.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  Get grill marks on chicken that clearly wasn't cooked on a grill because it came out of a factory? Well, this is how they do it. There are wheels that are very hot that roll directly over the chicken and leave them continuously branded with grill marks.

• 42:16Theo Von?

  Now, for six more dollars, she would show you a breast or something at the end of that.

• 42:20Speaker 01

  Goes to the military.

• 42:21Theo Von?

  Welcome to the military. Welcome to the air force, dude. I mean, that's where the hotties are too, in the military is in the air force, bro.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  What? The hotties are in there?

• 42:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Really?

• 42:30Theo Von?

  Are, are people in the military allowed to have an OnlyFans? Cause I could see a merger there. I could just see like, everything's so weird now. I could easily see a merger there.

• 42:40Speaker 01

  Well, everybody's doing collabs. Like if Long John Silver's and Dairy Queen are gonna do something, you'd think the military would at least take on one of these websites.

• 42:47Theo Von?

  And this is a perplexity. Thank you. No members of the US military are not allowed to operate OnlyFans accounts, particularly those involving adult content due to strict regulations on outside employment and conduct. These activities often violate ethics rules requiring prior approval. Now, I, if you are losing your life or risking your life for our country. I don't know if I believe that that's fair.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, get the pop a little pee or so. I'll tell you what, if I was in jail, the first thing I'm doing is buying one of those phones out of another dude's ass, which might be the worst convenience store ever. I'm buying a phone out of-

• 43:19Theo Von?

  Well, here's the thing, you put your money in his hand and whatever comes out of his ass is yours. I think that's usually how that is kinda like.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  It is very true.

• 43:26Theo Von?

  Oh dude, it's-

• 43:26Speaker 01

  Isn't that funny?

• 43:27Theo Von?

  And it's usually the first thing out because you kinda have to give a, like, you don't usually have a ton of money. You're like, fuck.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  He's got one item in there. If he's got two, then that boy is into a different place.

• 43:37Theo Von?

  Now, I think you can tickle each guy to kinda see if you can guess-

• 43:40Speaker 01

  Holy shit, that's how you rob a human vending machine.

• 43:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  They got Androids. But I think the first thing I would do if I was in jail, cause I don't know how they get internet or wifi, but like I'll see like live TikToks in jail somehow, sometimes.

• 43:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, Druski has all those guys doing that. He's always looped in with like, a lot of like, um, it looks kind of like boys to men, sort of like, it looks like a a cappella group that went to jail.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 44:02Theo Von?

  You know, and they're all wearing shysties and shit and they're all in there.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  You don't need the shystie, you're already in jail.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  But I think I would immediately try to start an OF account. I would be like, I'm already in jail. Like, I would just, J O. I would just beat my shit every night in my cell.

• 44:19Theo Von?

  Oh, I don't know. I think you get tired of that. You wanna start reading, dude. Trust me, let me just tell you, after a couple nights, you're gonna wanna-

• 44:25Speaker 01

  If I was in jail.

• 44:26Theo Von?

  You're gonna wanna tap into a good book.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  But ju- just if I wanted to raise enough money to pay for my bail.

• 44:31Theo Von?

  Oh, for sure.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  If I'm in jail and I wanna get out. Yeah, no, no, no, I hear you. I, I, I think that's always the answer, but if I'm in jail and I'm trying to meet my bail, uh, and I need like, 50K, I don't know what the crime would be, uh-

• 44:42Theo Von?

  Type shit?

• 44:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm showing meat to get some bread.

• 44:46Theo Von?

  And are you jerking off, uh, semi-regular or what?

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Not really.

• 44:50Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 44:50Speaker 01

  I, uh, it's all-

• 44:51Theo Von?

  Have you jerked off this year?

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Uh, I thought you were gonna say today.

• 44:58Theo Von?

  No way, dude, I'm not a gay, dude. Have you jerked off this year?

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, but it's only when I'm like, uh, in hotels. This is the first time I've been in hotel.

• 45:06Theo Von?

  Well, there hasn't been that much of this year. I'm just saying.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  How many days in are we?

• 45:11Theo Von?

  Not enough for you to win this argument.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  If I'm, I'm like a one a week guy, you know, like I'm, I'm.

• 45:16Theo Von?

  I wanna be.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  I'm like a trash can. I gotta take the load out to the front yard every once in a while.

• 45:20Theo Von?

  Well, here's the thing, dude. I'll sometimes jerk off so I don't go do something else that's gonna get me in trouble.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:26Theo Von?

  That's what I'll do. It's like if I'm feeling like, man, I wanna go out and meet up with like some, go to a bar, meet up with some people or do something that, you know, could be more risky for me. Sometimes I'll jerk off so I don't go do that. Because it'll be like, oh, you ain't doing shit, Whitey. After I jerk off, that's kind of the voice that's in my head. You ain't doing shit, you little wigga.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  Well, it's funny. I had the same thought one time on tour. I was single, but I've never been a guy who's wanted to be like, if somebody DMs me after a show, I'm like, what's up? You know, like.

• 45:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I stay away from that.

• 45:56Theo Von?

  You don't want some of that. I mean, I'll engage sometimes, but I'm not, I'm never like, hey, send me that.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that's crazy.

• 46:01Theo Von?

  Send me a drawing of that cooter or whatever, you know?

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, draw it on an IG story, make it a boomerang. Make that shit breathe for me.

• 46:09Theo Von?

  But. Oh my God. You're out there, bro.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  I'm never that guy. I don't even say it in real life, like.

• 46:15Theo Von?

  But you know the lingo, dog. You're in there.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Let it breathe. Yeah. I've been, I've been watching, I've been watching Drewski videos. But I remember this exact moment. It was in like, I wanna say Atlanta. This was like a, a year or two ago. But this, this girl DMing was like trying to meet up and I'm like, I don't wanna do this. But she was really attractive.

• 46:32Theo Von?

  And she had them bangers and front acorns on her?

• 46:34Speaker 01

  I don't know. She's private. She's had a photo on, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She could have been a dude for all I know, but.

• 46:39Theo Von?

  Shorty had that yard work on her, huh?

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Front, yeah. She had that reverse mullet, all top heavy, nothing in the back. But I remember I was like, no, Trevor, don't do that. But cause there was a few messages back and forth. And then I went to the bathroom, beat my shit. And I was like, all right, we're good.

• 46:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  About an hour goes by and I fill back up testosterone. I go, fuck it. What are you doing?

• 47:00Speaker 01

  And yeah.

• 47:00Theo Von?

  Did she come over?

• 47:01Speaker 01

  No.

• 47:02Theo Von?

  It was too late.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, but like you getting the seat out only buys you about an hour of time. So, so I was like, you know what? You don't need this. Go jerk your shit and you have the rest of your night and go to sleep.

• 47:16Theo Von?

  Oh, for sure.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  But then I was up for another hour. All of a sudden.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  Back to the brim.

• 47:21Theo Von?

  Well, I would, you gotta, you gotta employ other forces, bro. A lot of times I would jerk off and then if I had to, I would go eat like, um, I would go eat like a bag of bread or something or like half a bag of bread. Just because I'm not gonna go.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  I feel like it's better to have sex than eat a bag of bread.

• 47:35Theo Von?

  Well, for sure. But I mean, also you're creating just like, somebody's coming over. You don't know what's gonna go on, how late you gotta be up. But I would eat a bunch of bread or order a bunch of rolls up to my room and eat like six or seven rolls or some toasted or some toasted bread.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  It's almost like you'd give yourself.

• 47:49Theo Von?

  Just to be like, I'm not gonna eat a ton of bread and then go have sex.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Oh, interesting. It's almost like you give yourself post no regret without doing it.

• 47:55Theo Von?

  Oh, I'd eat like two or three burger patties, just something that would like, be like, oh, I'm so glutton. Like, I'm not gonna be all fat trying to have sex.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  Chicken wings are a big one.

• 48:03Theo Von?

  Or I'm, I'm just not gonna be all like, I don't wanna be having sex and hearing the food like bang around in my stomach.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  What's the funniest thing you've ever eaten before, uh, having a night with, uh, somebody you've dated or a lady? Do you ever, you ever have like a meal that comes to your mind?

• 48:17Theo Von?

  No.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  Really? Like, I remember one time I went to a.

• 48:20Theo Von?

  I've had some probably good, like, maybe small, like, like, like, unique little cookies or something, maybe something nice like that.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  But you never had one of those, like, like, I have a very specific memory. I went to a, um, God, there's like three really good guitarists out right now. What is his name? He, he's like the big, he's probably been on the show. Strings, Billy Strings?

• 48:39Theo Von?

  Billy Strings.

• 48:40Speaker 01

  I was, I was out day drinking all day and I was eating hot dogs, day drinking with my friends, which is, uh, the straightest thing you can do. Then I went to a, met up with my dad, went to a Billy Strings concert.

• 48:49Theo Von?

  Oh, he's playing next month at Bridgestone. Wow.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  Dude, he's iconic. He's great. He's so good live. But I remember eating a bunch of hot dogs and chicken wings. And then I went to Billy Strings with my dad. I had an edible and I went back to my place before his girl came over and I shit so hard. Like liquid and, and, and I was like, all right, I'm about to shower. And then I get a text, hey, I'm here. Not good. I really had to wipe down. I had to, you know.

• 49:18Theo Von?

  The craziest is-

• 49:18Speaker 01

  I should've taken my ass to a car wash.

• 49:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, the craziest sometimes you're almost amazed your ass can do all of that.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:24Theo Von?

  You're like, wow, alright. But, that's growing up, man.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  That really is, yeah. I was just trying to think, like, I feel like, uh-

• 49:31Theo Von?

  But no, I've never had a crazy meal before.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  But you never like have like chicken wings and then like indulged in some lovemaking?

• 49:37Theo Von?

  Oh, for sure.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, but even that's a little-

• 49:39Theo Von?

  But nothing that stood out crazy. I've never had like any like, you know, like a- Something from India or something that came through the mail and then I just like, oh, let me-

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Nothing crazy though?

• 49:49Theo Von?

  Let me finish off a quart and a half of this before I try and make love.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  Never had like clam chowder, then been in someone else's clam with some chowder. Come on, Theo, you know, I had like a crazy-

• 49:58Theo Von?

  I mean-

• 49:58Speaker 01

  Bro, I have a funny ass story about you. Um, we did a, uh, a festival together and Cal-

• 50:04Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, where were we?

• 50:06Speaker 01

  Somewhere in Canada and you were in your trailer, we're hanging out and, uh, it was me, you and a couple of people. And we're all in conversation. In the middle of the conversation, we're in your trailer, you walk to the bathroom.

• 50:19Theo Von?

  Blow it up.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  Did I?

• 50:20Theo Von?

  Blow it up.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  You sure?

• 50:22Theo Von?

  Buddy.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  I mean, and you can cut this if you want, but the, it was like in a, it was like in a, the green room was a motorhome trailer and the doors were thin. And we heard, we, I mean, it sounded like you were kickstarting an F-350. I mean, it was loud. And then you walk right back out and you're like, alright, so what are we doing tonight?

• 50:41Speaker 01

  And I don't know, you can cut that if you want, but-

• 50:42Theo Von?

  No, I might have had a long flight or something or who knows. Sometimes the exchange rate on your-

• 50:47Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, I mean, all the travel- All the travel is-

• 50:50Theo Von?

  The travel is just like your, it's like your, things are small and big and you don't even know. You eat two like small things on a plane and when you land, they weigh more because of your gravity.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  It was that one. It was Vancouver. Which Vancouver does have a lot of Indian food, so maybe you got spiked with a little bit of Indian food.

• 51:05Theo Von?

  I don't even know what happened, dude.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  It was just, it was just funny moment. That's, that's life. That's, that's all of us. What are we all gonna pretend like, dude, the fucking three of those people back there? Guarantee one person back there blew a bathroom up this morning.

• 51:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, well, people-

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Can we get some confirmation?

• 51:20Speaker 01

  That's what the fuck I'm talking about.

• 51:21Theo Von?

  People are shitting all the time. That's the craziest thing. I can't believe that there's not a report each day. That tells you about it more. Well, there's toilets now that can remember when you've gone to the bathroom and everything like that. There's a, there's that new cat thing that if you cat, when your cat goes to the bathroom, it'll let you know, it'll send you a thing at work. Like your cat just shit.

• 51:39Speaker 01

  I, this is stupid. I hate it. It's called Litter Robot. It's probably the worst app I've ever had. My problem is these, everything has-

• 51:45Theo Von?

  You have cats?

• 51:46Speaker 01

  I've one, but he be shitting. But the, my, the thing with-

• 51:49Theo Von?

  And you're getting updates about it?

• 51:51Speaker 01

  Oh dude, I get his, his, his bowel movements every day. It's like when Spotify rap dropped, I'm like, I don't care who Drake is. Like, I don't care who your top artist is. It's like, you wanna know what we, day of the week my cat shits the hardest? It's Wednesdays, brother. It's, it's, it's, but the problem is everything-

• 52:06Theo Von?

  Do cats shit every day?

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Uh, I, I wanna say so. I think they're like, uh, I don't know when they do. Maybe like nighttime or something.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  But my problem with all these apps is like, they, uh, they, everything has an app now, but, but they're not being made by good app, like web developers.

• 52:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  It's like, why do I gotta have a, why do I have an lowercase, uppercase, lowercase password for my cat to shit?

• 52:31Theo Von?

  I know.

• 52:33Speaker 01

  Shit fires me.

• 52:33Theo Von?

  Well, I think it's hard because now with AI, like you could just set an AI thing to just try and scramble to figure out somebody's password and it could just do it infinitely, you know? That's why, that's what there's a lot of fear these days. Um, but yeah, dude, some of that stuff. What was that thing he was just showing with that cat?

• 52:47Speaker 01

  The Litter Robot. Yeah, it shows, I could pull it up right now.

• 52:50Theo Von?

  No, I believe you, dude. I'm sorry that you're having to go through all that. It's just crazy that that's kinda where we are.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  What's the newest thing you bought recently that, that fired you up?

• 53:01Theo Von?

  Not my, I haven't really bought anything. I've been kinda looking for a house, but it's been like a slow look.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Same area?

• 53:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Or like same like city?

• 53:10Theo Von?

  Yeah. I wanna live in the same area, same city, but it's just been kinda tough. There's been some that have come by, but it's just like, and then it's hard to go look. Sometimes you get caught up with work and stuff like that, but it's been good.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  What, uh- What do you, what, what, what kind of speech you in like new house?

• 53:24Theo Von?

  I just want a little more space, a little bit more like property, kind of a little bit, just a little bit more land, not even a ton, but just a little bit more.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Would you have a farm?

• 53:31Theo Von?

  I wouldn't mind maybe getting a couple of animals or something like if my, I know my mom would like to have some animals, so maybe I could keep some if she wanted to come out and see him sometimes.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 53:38Theo Von?

  I wouldn't, I mean, it would be nice to have some, a couple of horses and a dog.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  Couple editors out there?

• 53:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, a couple editors in the barn.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Roosters, donkeys, some guys cutting clips in the back.

• 53:49Theo Von?

  Feeding him hay.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  Feeding him prime energy.

• 53:52Theo Von?

  With the animals, dude. Dude, what did I just see of, uh, what was that thing at Rogan's? I saw this thing, did you see this thing at Rogan's Club where the furries showed up and were protesting him?

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Really? No. Furries?

• 54:03Theo Von?

  Yeah. See if you can find that.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Is this real?

• 54:06Theo Von?

  Protesters gathered outside Joe Rogan's Comedy Mothership in Austin.

• 54:17Theo Von?

  Rogan is diet Alex Jones, never again is now. What does that even mean?

• 54:22Speaker 01

  That was Trisha Paytas' backup slogan.

• 54:28Theo Von?

  What were they there for? Does it say if you look in the comments or anything?

• 54:32Speaker 01

  This looks like a silent disco. This is the worst protest I've ever seen. Also, it looks fun.

• 54:37Theo Von?

  It does look fun. I mean, they have a cartman out there. Yeah, what was that? Discover the protest at Joe Rogan's Comedy Mothership in Austin where critics gathered to voice their opinions on the podcaster.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Well, first of all, this was on New Year's Eve, so these motherfuckers are lonely.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  Hey, what are you guys doing when the ball drops? We're gonna go protest the mothership?

• 54:58Theo Von?

  Is that even real, I wonder then?

• 55:00Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 55:00Theo Von?

  It looks like it could have just been a party outside of there.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, it's two people with a sign. How many people do you need for it to be a protest, you know? Cause at one point is like, I, I'm curious about the guys who preach the gospel out front of like, you know, you go down a PPG arena and, and they're preaching the gospel with a sign, but it's one guy. It's like, is that a protest or is he just schizophrenic?

• 55:20Theo Von?

  That's a good point. Sometimes that's a guy to just like soapbox, kind of.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:24Theo Von?

  This says here, let me see, it says protesters gathered outside Comedy Mothership in Austin on New Year's Eve 2025 to criticize Joe Rogan, the club's owner and podcaster. They labeled him as a diet Alex Jones, comparing his views to one of the far right figure Alex Jones, also based in Austin. Critics blame Rogan for dominating Austin's comedy scene since opening the club in 2023, sidelining local video venues like Cold Town Theater and Capital City Comedy Club.

• 55:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, I don't know. Oh, some of the demonstrators wore inflatable costumes like unicorns, dinosaurs, and cows.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Which is also Rogan's diet.

• 56:01Theo Von?

  Plus an Eric Cartman impersonator from South Park while holding up signs such as "Never Again Is Now."

• 56:07Speaker 01

  Why is he talking about Yoda? I don't get the "Never Again Is Now" thing.

• 56:11Theo Von?

  I don't know, but I think you're right when you said that it's Tris Fertis's second slogan. It's a great idea.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  I don't know, man. That's bizarre.

• 56:18Theo Von?

  You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9:00 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it, and then an hour later you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The black edition powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. Their powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds. I like Huell's shakes because they're clean and it's quick.

• 57:00Theo Von?

  Sometimes I just want to make sure I have everything I need to keep going the way I want to keep going in a healthy manner. So with Huell, basically, lunch went from a daily logistical problem to a thing I can solve in about 30 seconds. Make healthy eating simple. New customers get an exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code WEEKEND at huell.com/weekend. That's H-U-E-L dot com slash weekend. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. Fellas, you already know what time it is. Look at your watch. Time to knock on wood. Bluechew!

• 57:43Theo Von?

  BlueChew just dropped something crazy. I'm talking next level championship belt, gold plated energy. BlueChew Gold. The newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand. Let's get that little lump lurking. This ain't your grandpapa's blue pill. This is the four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. Yup. BlueChew Gold. It dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Extra minutes. Elevation without hesitation.

• 58:25Theo Von?

  Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluechew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code Theo. That's promo code Theo. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. Namaste. Hard. What a... What a... Oh, I saw you went to the Rams game. You did...

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Dude, I got big in football. I'm locked in. I used to be a guy like three years ago that was like, oh, you like sports? Get a real personality, bud. Get a hobby. Do open eyes. But like I got invited to a Rams game a couple of years ago, maybe like two years ago. And I just clicked. And I just started, you know, it started by me just going to games. And then it started by me like, you know, like watching the game on your phone.

• 59:24Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  And you're like, divorce court, and you're like, just kind of watching it. But over time, you just kind of get locked in and it's just like, now I'm all about it. Like I don't, I don't miss a game. I was just at the Rams game on Sunday against the Cardinals and like, now it's to the point where it affects my day. I'm fully in. I was, I was like in denial, but like, it's kind of like with like nicotine or something where you're like, I'm not gonna get there, dude. Not me, not me. I'm built different. And then it's, you know.

• 59:47Theo Von?

  Oh, shit.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  You have one before breakfast, but yeah, I did the chant at the Rams game, like the who's house chant.

• 59:52Theo Von?

  Was that scary? What was that vibes like?

• 59:53Speaker 01

  You know, it was a lot of fun. I think I was definitely more amped up.

• 59:57Theo Von?

  Let's see it, pull it up.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  But I think just performance and standing is just... This is just another gig.

• 1:00:04Theo Von?

  Right, you're kind of used to that part, so the nerves aren't there, but I guess off the acoustics, all that would be kind of scary to me.

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  Well, I will say, it's like EDM and sports, like, they just cheered anything. Like, I did a gig, opening lightly, I say, for Dylan Francis, you know Dylan?

• 1:00:22Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  Years ago, at Hard Summer, I went up as like a fake DJ before his set, the headlining set. So when I went up, there was like a character and was like, "What the fuck is up, Coachella?" And it was at a different music venue, and like, they just cheered, like, they were just happy, like, they don't even care. They hear somebody making noise in a mic, I could have went up and went, "Ala Akba!", and they're like, "Yeah!"

• 1:00:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  So, like, that same kind of energy that I got from that crowd was the same I got at the Rams, when I'm just like, "You yell 'Who's House', you go 'Rams'", like, you're just gonna get good feedback, so...

• 1:00:53Theo Von?

  Dude, and it's nice to, it is nice to be a fan of something, like, I became a fan of Vanderbilt, I've been a fan of LSU, and I cheer for the Vols, but it's like, it's just nice to be a fan of something, it makes you, gives you something to be kind of invested in.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:01:06Theo Von?

  Let's see this, let's see this "Who's House" part.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Is it in here? I can throw 40 yards. Who's house? It's so awkward just seeing it. They gotta cut to- Why do I look like the Seahawks logo? You gotta try to sneak a quick joke in there.

• 1:01:23Theo Von?

  Oh, respect. Oh, you do look like a Seahawks logo from the side right there.

• 1:01:28Theo Von?

  And you had your own celebration too, I saw the, uh, what was the?

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Did I?

• 1:01:32Theo Von?

  What was that sully that he had?

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  Oh, this is, this is dumb.

• 1:01:36Theo Von?

  This is insane, dude.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  Sometimes I just post something, and I'm like, "Man, fuck it", because those are the ones that like, that'll either-

• 1:01:43Theo Von?

  That's hilarious, bro.

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  That'll either flop or do like, whatever, but-

• 1:01:45Theo Von?

  I saw this, that's an insane touchdown celebration.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's cra- dude, Ja Morant, can we pull up his buckets? You know Ja Morant?

• 1:01:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  For the Grizzlies? Oh, yeah, we're in Tennessee. His celebrations, I can't stop talking about how, dude, they're the funniest things in the world. The grenade?

• 1:02:02Theo Von?

  I haven't even noticed a lot of them.

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  Have you seen them? Dude, when he makes like a three, he does the grenade, throws it, and then covers his ears? I mean, you have to get him on the pod.

• 1:02:13Speaker 01

  The grenade covers the ears.

• 1:02:17Theo Von?

  That is pretty clutch, bro.

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  And then he started doing that's like a rocket launcher. But then he got, he gets fined for every single one of these. He did a rocket launcher. So now his new one is he'll pull out a gun and then put it down like this. He holsters it and goes like, no fines here. Dude, it's, I like, it's so funny to me.

• 1:02:35Theo Von?

  He doesn't give a fuck, huh?

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  No. And he's getting fined like probably like 10 or 30K like for this, but when you're making that much, I just don't know. He puts a gun away, holsters it, puts it down. There we go. And that's, and that's protecting gun violence.

• 1:02:50Theo Von?

  Legendary dude.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  It's just funny, man.

• 1:02:51Theo Von?

  And I think that even the players are getting scared of being over there. So he may need that weapon when he, when he leaves the facility. It's kind of crazy. The one place it should be allowed to actually have weapons in the cellies is there.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Right, right, right. Yeah, it depends on the team. If, if you're on the Warriors, okay, that's enough.

• 1:03:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  What do you, you just tweet about it, you know, just hit up Zuck and be like, this guy's bullying me online. But if you're in Memphis, yeah, you need at least like a bow and arrow or the RPG.

• 1:03:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think he deserves that.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  What, what is Memphis like? I'm going there on my tour.

• 1:03:18Theo Von?

  Memphis is awesome, dude. It has so much history. It's just gotten this kind of, it's gotten like a lot of, it's got a lot of danger downtown at night and in just different areas. And it makes it kind of a bummer because you can't go enjoy like the vibes that are there. Graceland is really great if you get to go see Elvis's house.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:03:33Theo Von?

  It's great.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  I've heard about that.

• 1:03:34Theo Von?

  It's great. It's worth going to see.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  And that's where, wait, hold on, I'm really dumb. Elvis lived in Memphis or Graceland is on the outskirts of Memphis?

• 1:03:41Theo Von?

  Elvis is, it's in Memphis and Elvis lived there.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Elvis in Memphis? Oh, he was probably clapping BBWs.

• 1:03:48Theo Von?

  I mean, I don't know what it was like back then, man, but I bet it was a great mix of music and sound and culture and everything. I mean, Memphis used to be so great. Dude, if you get to stay at the hotel downtown where they have the ducks and the ducks come in like every day at like, I think 4pm. The duck master brings in the ducks and uh.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Military thing?

• 1:04:06Theo Von?

  No, it's like these ducks that come in and they swim in the pond up there. The famous Peabody ducks at the Peabody Hotel. Yeah. The Peabody ducks are the resident mallards at the Peabody Memphis Hotel, known for their daily march down a red carpet into the lobby fountain at 11am and back to their rooftop duck palace at 5pm. The tradition began in 1933 when the hotel's general manager and a friend, after some whiskey, put their live duck decoys in the lobby fountain, delighting guests.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  Okay. What's crazy is ducks are called ducks because they literally duck.

• 1:04:45Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh, it could be just a couple of, it could be a couple of brothers named Duck. But these are the actual ducks. You have people come in and the Duck Master walks them in and the Duck Master live in the hotel up top.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Is he really?

• 1:04:55Theo Von?

  Yeah. It's a beautiful place and they got a great place there where they sell like replica suits that Elvis used to wear. I got one last time that I was, last time I was over there.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:05:04Theo Von?

  It's pretty cool.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm excited. I'm gonna do a lot of places I've never been on my tour and Memphis is definitely one of them.

• 1:05:08Theo Von?

  Oh, it's gonna be good. Yeah, there's great people there. It's great shows. It's just they got this, they got like, I don't know, it just gets a little bit tragic over there and kind of shooty. That's the thing. It gets shooty at night, but there's a ducks.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  A precipitation.

• 1:05:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  From a luger.

• 1:05:22Theo Von?

  People popping off.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Losing anymore. Yeah, that's, well, that's unfortunate.

• 1:05:26Theo Von?

  Bust nut Sally dude, that shit's nice, man.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 1:05:29Theo Von?

  When do you think the first person that ever busted a nut actually was? Do you think? Can you pull that up?

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Adam?

• 1:05:35Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  Was it Adam?

• 1:05:37Theo Von?

  No, Adam Lambert? No.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  Like an Eve? Or are they even real?

• 1:05:41Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  Adam and Eve?

• 1:05:43Theo Von?

  They had to have been.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Somebody had to have been.

• 1:05:46Theo Von?

  I don't think we should go down that road right now, but we can, but it just might take a long time. The earliest recorded references to ejaculation in human history appear in ancient Sumerian and Egyptian myths from around 2,500 to 2,400.

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  It was the Somalis.

• 1:06:01Theo Von?

  These texts describe, these texts describe God creating rivers, deities and the world through acts of masturbation and seminal emission.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  I wonder how many people called out of work the next day once they found out about masturbation.

• 1:06:16Theo Von?

  Oh, this.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  It's like in middle school when like a new video game would drop and you'd be like, be home sick the next day. I'm like, COD dropped.

• 1:06:23Theo Von?

  Oh, if a good game dropped.

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  I miss it.

• 1:06:26Theo Von?

  Dude, that shit was so nice.

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  You play any video games?

• 1:06:29Theo Von?

  Hmm, not right now. I haven't been playing them, man. I wouldn't mind. Oh, I do play, I played Breath of the Wild and I played whatever the, the second one was.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  I'm not sure I know that.

• 1:06:37Theo Von?

  What was the second one? It was on Switch.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. You're a Switch guy?

• 1:06:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, I like Switch just because I can kind of keep with me on the go. Oh, Tears of the Kingdom? The second one was not good. It was just too involved. It was like, bro, I don't have time for the, you had to like heat everything. It was like too many things. Like the first thing you have to warm up your food. It's like, okay, I'll spend a little bit of time doing that. But this one, you had to like heat up your, um, like if you wanted your thing to fly, it'd warm up these days. It just was way too, it was like, dude, what the fuck? I have a job, you know?

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:11Theo Von?

  And shouldn't you want me to have a job? Like, how much time would you want me to spend here? It felt like they wanted you to spend so much time there. It felt kind of unfair.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Okay, I'll, I'll, I'll avoid it.

• 1:07:21Theo Von?

  So that's what I kind of felt like.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  It does look kind of chill, though, the flying.

• 1:07:24Theo Von?

  When does it, when does someone's nut actually bust? What is that about? You know what I'm saying? You hear about it, but what's like the exact, like, what is the actual?

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  Like, what's like the NASCAR, they wave the flag to go?

• 1:07:37Theo Von?

  Yeah. When is that? When is that, when is the nut, when is the nut actually bust? If you can look that up.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  Is it faster?

• 1:07:44Theo Von?

  Without us being on a list also.

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. But is it like, you know, like the speed of light? Like, do you think there's something called like the speed of nut?

• 1:07:52Theo Von?

  I mean, it's right there. It has to be something, because it's really how creation started. I mean, they're saying right there that it's like in ancient texts, that that's how like the creation of rivers and lands and, and even people started.

• 1:08:04Speaker 01

  What, how, how many miles per hour is it? I think that'd be something.

• 1:08:08Theo Von?

  Let's learn. A nut bust is slang for ejaculation during masturbation or sex. It refers to the moment of orgasm when semen is released. The phrase emerged in the 1930s with nuts meaning testicles. Since the 1800s, it evolved to describing climaxing explosively. People use it interchangeably, and this is via perplexity, thank you, people use it interchangeably with bust a nut, often in casual or explicit talk about male orgasms. It applies specifically to masturbation in contexts like solo sessions.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  What do you, do you call it bust a nut or you got something fun like release the hounds?

• 1:08:46Theo Von?

  Um, I do that, like that, uh, one, two, one, two, three, release them. I do that, I do that.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, that.

• 1:08:56Theo Von?

  Five, six, seven, eight. I do that chocolate stud, that lady that sings at the funerals, you know?

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  No, who's this?

• 1:09:02Theo Von?

  You didn't see her?

• 1:09:03Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 1:09:04Theo Von?

  Oh, this is someone I love right here.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  Oh, dude, I got, I gotta show you the song.

• 1:09:07Theo Von?

  You don't know this?

• 1:09:08Speaker 01

  Speaking of grandma, uh, uh, play it real quick.

• 1:09:10Theo Von?

  This is the.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  Oh, I do know this.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  I bet the other dead bodies are like, type shit, this is kinda good.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  There's a truck going by. That's a funeral, bro, that's how it is. That is like, that's a Hall of Fame stud suit right there. They need to hang that up somewhere in a bowling alley. Some people thought this was Nate Robinson, dude.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  There you go, right there. Yo, that shit was hard.

• 1:09:53Theo Von?

  And she gets hired everywhere now. Shout out to her, what's her name as well?

• 1:09:56Speaker 01

  Is she, really?

• 1:09:57Theo Von?

  She gets hired everywhere now, she's blown up.

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  Bro, she's about to get the fucking triple bookings after this podcast drops.

• 1:10:01Theo Von?

  She's blown up, she sings, uh...

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  What did she charge for this? The "Release Them" was hard. That was, that was literally like the smoke at like a DJ set.

• 1:10:08Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  That was sick, man.

• 1:10:11Theo Von?

  Nisi Robinson.

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  "Release Them."

• 1:10:14Theo Von?

  She really popped off, "One, two, three, release them." I wish that had happened, had a phone to call you up. Man, that's the truth, bro. And that's, I think, her own song, isn't it?

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  Bro, I heard a song last night, it's so good. It's about a grandma dying on Instagram reels. What is it? Can you type in Miami something bazooka? Bro, it's the funniest song, it's so good.

• 1:10:37Theo Von?

  It's an AI song?

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. No, it's a real dude. But it's getting a lot of play right now.

• 1:10:42Theo Von?

  Let's hear it.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  This shit is hard. It might be my walkout song.

• 1:10:48Theo Von?

  Ooh, pull up, I love this.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:50Theo Von?

  I gotta get a new walkout.

• 1:10:51Speaker 01

  Or place at my funeral with the balloons. I hope we don't die for a long time, though.

• 1:10:56Theo Von?

  Type shit.

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  Kind of a build up.

• 1:10:58Theo Von?

  Tennessee type shit.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  Wait for it.

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  Imagine this was Ja Morant highlights?

• 1:11:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's all the part I heard, but recipes my grandma shit hit by a bazooka. Honestly, if my grandma died by a bazooka, I mean, like, that's kind of a sick way to go out.

• 1:11:44Theo Von?

  Well, there's only so many ways to go, bro. I've always said, once I die, I want my body to be shot out of a cannon into a schoolyard of kids that are playing. They don't know I'm coming.

• 1:11:52Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:11:53Theo Von?

  Right? Shot over the fence or whatever, right?

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  Your body or cremated?

• 1:11:57Theo Von?

  My body, no.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:58Theo Von?

  And the first kid that come up and touch my body gets everything that I have.

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  That's like a Mr. Beast games.

• 1:12:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:04Speaker 01

  Or you should be like a field ghoul, like for Vanderbilt, like your body gets shot through the T-shirt cannon through it. I think.

• 1:12:11Theo Von?

  It would be cool if you got put into a special thing in a T-shirt cannon and they shot you out or something. They should do shit like that. It's like.

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  I've been preaching this for a minute. Like, there's so many cool, like, Jenna reveals where they do, like, all this stuff, but you've never seen, like, a viral cremation. Like, I'm sick and tired. Like, I, I, I've been writing a bit about it, but like, I want my ashes to get blown out of the exhaust of like a Ford F-350. And I want to do half and half. Top part cremated, bottom half, open casket. Like, I want to do half and half.

• 1:12:36Theo Von?

  Come see that junk.

• 1:12:37Speaker 01

  Yes, sir.

• 1:12:37Theo Von?

  I love that.

• 1:12:38Speaker 01

  But like, nobody's doing fun stuff with, like, the ashes. It's always like, oh, let's go to Mount Rushmore. So she can be close to an old president?

• 1:12:45Theo Von?

  Yeah. And I've been there, and it's not that great. They do have good ice cream. But yeah, it's not worth going all the way to drop your ashes. I agree. Do something, do something great. Surprise people at a party. There you go. Do this Civil War type shit.

• 1:12:56Speaker 01

  Dude, do a rea-.

• 1:12:57Theo Von?

  Shoot it out of a cannon.

• 1:12:58Speaker 01

  Here we go. Yeah. Where, where are you getting your ashes blown out?

• 1:13:01Theo Von?

  I don't know. It's a good question. It's like.

• 1:13:04Speaker 01

  Honestly, like, a strip club would be far. Just like doing it with ashes.

• 1:13:07Theo Von?

  Let Ja Morant throw him out. He would do it, dude. He's, he has all those famous like strip club scenes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, go back to the other thing though, this is good. Ejaculation speed varies, but sources cite average speeds around 27 to 28 miles per hour. That's like two bird scooters. Or up to 45 kilometers per hour, while sperm itself can move faster, sometimes reaching 70 kilometers an hour. Though it slows significantly inside the female reproductive tract. Women will slow anything down. Yeah. Speeds are measured in bursts during contractions. I'd do the damn makeup artist. I always think about this, like. But average ejaculation around 27 to 28 miles per hour, bro. I think, I, like, if it was a baseball, I feel like I could hit it. How fast is that?

• 1:13:53Theo Von?

  I feel like I could hit that. Yeah, cuz. 27 miles an hour, yeah, you could hit it. If somebody threw a bunch of sperm at you, you could hit it. Cause MLB is doing what, 90? Gay weirdo, you could fucking. But I'm thinking if it was a fastball. Oh, I'd just say ball and just catch it. That's a gay thing you could do. Ah. I was just thinking, well. This shit is already really gay. Like, I lowkey wanna like drive a car 27 miles an hour down the street right now, just so I can comprehend how fast it is. Well, I will say this, if you got on the very hood, say somebody drove it, 27 miles an hour, you get on the hood, and you get your weener just above the front of the hood, and you bust for a. Like a Buick? Or say you go about 25 miles an hour, yeah. If you bust, it should kind of stay in front, in front of you guys, just a little bit.

• 1:14:38Theo Von?

  Now, that would be pretty awesome to see. That's something you guys should start doing, man. You could use that to raise money for the, for the military. Doing that for like Dude Perfect. Yeah, yeah, dude. Cause dude, you're already perfect. You're fucking shooting these bitches off of the mall. You're shooting them off of like a burning shopping mall. Yeah. Into like, in, into like a children's daycare. Speed up and it gets all over you. No, but you're, dude, you're already perfect. Those guys are already perfect. Somebody tell them, they're doing hook shots from like the, from like. Hook shots from Ukraine? Yeah, from Ukraine, and landing them like in Russia, like, you're doing great, dude, like. Yeah, it should just be called Dude's Done It. They've done it. Yeah, you've done it. So start doing other cool shit. What is this, ma'am flips over Corvette driving at 30 miles per hour? Okay, let's watch it.

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:15:29Theo Von?

  That sound like it hit his legs.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  It did. Some hit.

• 1:15:34Theo Von?

  If that's even real.

• 1:15:37Speaker 01

  He did a flip. Yeah, that regardless is pretty cool.

• 1:15:41Theo Von?

  Is there an exact moment that the nut actually busts?

• 1:15:44Speaker 01

  And does it take longer to come out with the bigger hog? Cause it's got more travel space? Or does that propel it like a slide?

• 1:15:51Theo Von?

  Like a long, shouldn't you already know that?

• 1:15:54Speaker 01

  I don't study hogs.

• 1:15:56Theo Von?

  That's true.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  But like if.

• 1:15:58Theo Von?

  I'll tell you it doesn't.

• 1:16:00Speaker 01

  No? It's the same speed?

• 1:16:02Theo Von?

  I think so. I've never seen a small hog do it.

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  But wouldn't have to travel more?

• 1:16:07Theo Von?

  Penis size doesn't directly dictate ejaculation time. Some studies link larger glands volume to faster ejaculation while while others, nothing to see here Trevor. While others findings like those are. Yeah, I don't think it matters that much, man.

• 1:16:21Speaker 01

  I'mma tell that to a woman.

• 1:16:23Theo Von?

  But you, hey, you wanna see something travel at 27 to 28 miles an hour in a minute? That's not a bad line.

• 1:16:28Speaker 01

  It's not bad at all. What do you think we get at 30?

• 1:16:31Theo Von?

  Hey, come over. You wanna see this?

• 1:16:33Speaker 01

  You got a speed gun? Did you ever meet someone?

• 1:16:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, you wanna use this cop gun on this?

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Cop gun. You ever meet somebody and, and wonder like, how are you the sperm that made it?

• 1:16:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 1:16:44Theo Von?

  Oh, you realize there was a slim group of racers?

• 1:16:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, they were racing on an off day.

• 1:16:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:50Speaker 01

  Or there, there must've been like some bad weather that day, but like sometimes I'm like, how are you that the sperm cell that beat everyone else?

• 1:16:57Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, there's some people that shouldn't be people.

• 1:16:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:00Theo Von?

  There's some people that shouldn't be people for sure.

• 1:17:02Speaker 01

  Who's top three people you would like to take out or that don't need to be people? I think it can be a type of person. Or not like a race, but like a, like somebody who works at like a.

• 1:17:12Theo Von?

  Let me think.

• 1:17:14Speaker 01

  Like a barista or something.

• 1:17:16Theo Von?

  Probably.

• 1:17:19Theo Von?

  This gay dude that gave my friend a Heimlich maneuver when we were high on LSD at a Waffle House when we were kids. He did too much.

• 1:17:30Speaker 01

  He wasn't even choking?

• 1:17:32Theo Von?

  We don't know if he was.

• 1:17:33Speaker 01

  Clocking him from the back?

• 1:17:34Theo Von?

  I mean, he did a lot. It was a lot.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  Really? Tell me about that. He was choking?

• 1:17:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, we were hot. We were on LSD. We went there and we saw a black gay guy. We'd never seen it before. So we didn't even know what to do, right? We were like.

• 1:17:45Speaker 01

  This is in Covington?

• 1:17:46Theo Von?

  Yeah. And we're like, no way, or whatever, you know? We're freaking out. And we're already freaking out. We're like, you know, we're probably.

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  LSD.

• 1:17:53Theo Von?

  Fifteen LSD, Waffle House, just sitting there rattling.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  How'd you know he was a little?

• 1:17:59Theo Von?

  He seemed, yeah, he was wearing like flair and shit. Didn't even have flair, really. Like, he was wearing like a lot of like, like exciting flair.

• 1:18:06Speaker 01

  Like light up shoes?

• 1:18:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, just shit that was like, yeah. Like his whole fucking, like his dick was probably glowing in the dark or whatever, you know? So you could just feel like, it felt like something warm was coming out of his pant. Like if you got close. This dude felt like his warm in the front of his pants.

• 1:18:20Speaker 01

  Okay, I hear you.

• 1:18:21Theo Von?

  But anyway, yeah, my friend started choking, I think. And also, we were laughing so hard, because we're just so high. And he started Heimlicking him and he just kept doing it. It was crazy, dude. And I was laughing so hard, I was like, tears were flying out of my, I couldn't even, I couldn't even try to save my friend. I was like laughing so.

• 1:18:39Speaker 01

  And then I just pulled up.

• 1:18:39Theo Von?

  And my friend was kind of small and he just kept doing it to him. But, anyway.

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  But you'd take him out?

• 1:18:45Theo Von?

  I think we should have a talk.

• 1:18:47Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:18:47Theo Von?

  I think things, you know, that was kind of a lot. Um, I saw that you just went to Africa, dude.

• 1:18:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was, uh, that was pretty fun.

• 1:18:55Theo Von?

  Were you touring over there?

• 1:18:55Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 1:18:57Theo Von?

  You go with your girl?

• 1:18:58Speaker 01

  No, this was my family. I was literally just, it was one of those things where like, a year ago, my mom texts a family group chat, which is a pretty boring chat. Someone's got to spice it up. Uh, my mom just texting goes, uh, hey, would you guys want to go to Africa as a family? Like, uh, I was like, yeah, you know, I'm down. And then it comes, like nine months later, like, hey, you got to get these shots. Like, you're going. Like, this is a thing. I'm like, oh, fuck, this is actually happening. Um, and yeah, I got like five shots and then. Went with family, just did a bunch of safari stuff and it was pretty cool. I mean,

• 1:19:29Theo Von?

  Were you glad you did?

• 1:19:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely. I, I think it was fun just being, cause I haven't done like a family trip in like over a decade. So it was fun to just be with my parents and my sister for the first time, like actually doing something in a while.

• 1:19:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:43Speaker 01

  But it's so funny that it's like my brain is so brain rot. There's like literally a lion eating a zebra in front of me and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like you can see this on reels.

• 1:19:50Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:19:51Speaker 01

  Like it, it was definitely cool. It was very surreal seeing, cause the, the safaris are all at, um, I don't even.

• 1:19:58Theo Von?

  Were you guys in Kenya? Where'd you go?

• 1:19:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, Kenya.

• 1:20:00Theo Von?

  Sapo, Amboseli, which one? You guys went to go to one of those?

• 1:20:02Speaker 01

  Uh, I'm not sure which one, but we were in, uh, kinda like all around the like, like outskirts of Nairobi and it's like each one would be like three hours. So all these are like, kind of in like sanctuaries where the hotel is, and then you travel around the hotel. But traveling from kinda hotel to hotel, that's really where you see like the real, real side of Africa. And I was like very, I, I wanna say like probably the best sense of community I've ever seen. Like everybody's just outside doing some, oh, I went on a hot air balloon. That was the, have you ever been on a hot air balloon?

• 1:20:31Theo Von?

  Nah, I don't know if I have.

• 1:20:32Speaker 01

  It's, oh, you'd know. It's, it's, it was honestly the coolest thing I've ever done. It was like, what's crazy is when the fire's going to propel you, it's loud as hell, but when it's not, it's dead silent. And this was at like 7 a.m. So you're just sitting there in the sky in silence. But, uh, yeah, yeah. Seeing the communities were, was so interesting because.

• 1:20:52Theo Von?

  Dude, that's sick.

• 1:20:53Speaker 01

  Everybody's outside, everybody's like, like, nobody's really like hanging on their phones, which.

• 1:20:58Theo Von?

  Well, some people might not have phones and they don't have air conditioning too.

• 1:21:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, but like just.

• 1:21:02Theo Von?

  But it's also part of the culture is just being alive and like seeing what's going on.

• 1:21:06Speaker 01

  Everybody was either like, no matter where you were going, there was just people just like walking. There's always some that, I don't know, man. It's, it's just, it was really a cool perspective to see. Like, like that literally, I'm seeing elephants like this close in front of me and I'm like acting like this is normal.

• 1:21:20Theo Von?

  Yeah. Dude, that's beautiful, man.

• 1:21:22Speaker 01

  It was actually really beautiful and I had a great time. Um, trying to think about funny stuff that happened out there, if any. Um.

• 1:21:28Theo Von?

  That's amazing. And do they have a lot of like wiggers over there or anything like that?

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  Uh, just me, but not that I, no, I mean.

• 1:21:37Theo Von?

  Cause that's where they would really be at. Cause otherwise that's kind of an American thing then I guess.

• 1:21:43Speaker 01

  I don't know if I saw like any like

• 1:21:45Theo Von?

  Cause that's where the

• 1:21:46Speaker 01

  Local white people.

• 1:21:48Theo Von?

  But I'm just saying they gotta have some and if they do are some of them, you know?

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  Well, I think they go there in disguise, taking notes and then

• 1:21:56Theo Von?

  Bring it back over here?

• 1:21:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're like a secret spy for back home.

• 1:22:01Theo Von?

  What about MGK? You think he's one or no?

• 1:22:04Speaker 01

  I think graduated. He, yeah, once you put like a paperclip in as an earring, I think you've, you've graduated.

• 1:22:10Theo Von?

  Bailey Zimmerman is one.

• 1:22:12Speaker 01

  Is he? I don't know. I'm not super familiar with his music, but I know he's very popular and I

• 1:22:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:17Speaker 01

  Um, who else out there is?

• 1:22:19Theo Von?

  I don't know, but I'm just saying if they don't have a mayor, then it's an American thing or it's a British thing.

• 1:22:24Speaker 01

  What are we talking about?

• 1:22:25Theo Von?

  Wiggas. What are you talking about?

• 1:22:28Speaker 01

  I don't know. I was trying to think about other artists who might get allegations.

• 1:22:32Theo Von?

  No, I'm just saying, I mean, Elton John was kinda one, even though he never

• 1:22:35Speaker 01

  Was he really?

• 1:22:35Theo Von?

  I think he was kinda just from his style for sure.

• 1:22:38Speaker 01

  He was more on like the wiggle side of things.

• 1:22:40Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:22:41Speaker 01

  I think he's more on like the wiggle side of things.

• 1:22:43Theo Von?

  Well, I mean, I think it's very close.

• 1:22:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:46Theo Von?

  If you wiggle enough, a brother will show up, you know? So I think like, you wiggle enough, somebody's gonna cornrow your hair and light a fucking blunt for you.

• 1:22:55Speaker 01

  Who's, who's the OG? What'd you say?

• 1:22:58Theo Von?

  Oh, the OGs? I mean, there's

• 1:22:59Speaker 01

  Would it, would it be Elvis?

• 1:23:01Theo Von?

  Oh, that's a good call. Michael Rapaport was kinda one, I think in his day, for sure.

• 1:23:06Speaker 01

  Who's that guy, Gianni?

• 1:23:09Theo Von?

  Johnny Paolo?

• 1:23:10Speaker 01

  He's the frontrunner. He's, he's, he's Heisman. He's Heisman for sure.

• 1:23:14Theo Von?

  We go to the UFC fights all the time. He is Heisman.

• 1:23:16Speaker 01

  Every time I see a photo of him, his chains get bigger and bigger. Either he

• 1:23:20Theo Von?

  Stolen her and stolen her. That's a great, oh yeah.

• 1:23:22Speaker 01

  He gets them stolen?

• 1:23:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:23Speaker 01

  Dude, I like, we're, we're boys on Instagram. I've never met him in real life, but every time I see him, he's flexing more and more money. I'm like, how many episodes of Power were you on?

• 1:23:32Theo Von?

  The best, bro. He's gonna need some power to fuck it. He's gonna need some power to keep people off his chains, bro.

• 1:23:38Speaker 01

  They get snatched like that?

• 1:23:39Theo Von?

  I think it happens a lot within the culture. It's part of the culture. It's kind of like, it's like, uh,

• 1:23:43Speaker 01

  He almost seems like a sting operation.

• 1:23:45Theo Von?

  It's a capture the flag kinda. Some people say he's a fed. Some people say he snitched on Diddy.

• 1:23:50Speaker 01

  Diddy?

• 1:23:51Theo Von?

  I don't know, but I've just heard a lot of that shit. Some people say he's a fed. I mean, look at him.

• 1:23:56Speaker 01

  But he's gotta be like the Heisman for that community.

• 1:23:59Theo Von?

  I think if you had, every year they should Heisman up a wigga, I think.

• 1:24:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:02Theo Von?

  And I think-

• 1:24:03Speaker 01

  Who do they got for 2025? I think this guy is a candidate.

• 1:24:06Theo Von?

  Him. I think you put MGK in there though. I don't think, I, MGK is kind of his own thing though.

• 1:24:11Speaker 01

  I would say-

• 1:24:12Theo Von?

  He's just multifaceted. I think he's, you know.

• 1:24:15Speaker 01

  I think Rife's up there a little bit, fresh off Wild and Out.

• 1:24:18Theo Von?

  Oh, Matt Rife, definitely.

• 1:24:20Speaker 01

  Off the Wild and Out days a little bit.

• 1:24:21Theo Von?

  With the abs, you can't have great abs and not be wigging.

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  Now he's more kinda like, uh-

• 1:24:25Theo Von?

  I think Rife has wigga in him.

• 1:24:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:28Theo Von?

  Or H-Dub, hidden wigga they call it. Uh, I'm trying to think of who else. Oh, maybe that, um, oh, Dan Bongino, Tim Walz, Tim Dillon maybe, Tony the Tiger probably, uh, that guy that was in, uh, Salt.

• 1:24:49Speaker 01

  Saltburn?

• 1:24:49Theo Von?

  Saltburn, but not the main guy.

• 1:24:51Speaker 01

  Barry Keoghan?

• 1:24:52Theo Von?

  Barry Keoghan.

• 1:24:53Speaker 01

  Is he?

• 1:24:54Theo Von?

  I could see it. He's Irish. Almost all Irish people are.

• 1:24:59Speaker 01

  Alright, yeah, I feel like there's some obvious ones that I'm missing.

• 1:25:02Theo Von?

  Oh, I thought that was a picture of damn, uh-

• 1:25:04Speaker 01

  I think Shalhoub is a little bit.

• 1:25:05Theo Von?

  He could lowkey have something in him. I thought this was a picture of, uh, who are those lion tamers in Vegas?

• 1:25:11Speaker 01

  Penn and Teller?

• 1:25:12Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:25:14Theo Von?

  I thought that was Sick Freedom Roy, that's-

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought that was like Sigmund Freud.

• 1:25:18Theo Von?

  I didn't even know, dude. But no, it's hap- I'm just glad to know it's happening out there. Dude, did you see in, uh, when Speed, uh, I saw Speed race that cheetah?

• 1:25:27Speaker 01

  Mm-mm.

• 1:25:28Theo Von?

  Dude.

• 1:25:29Speaker 01

  He, did he beat it?

• 1:25:31Theo Von?

  Pulled it up, see if you can find that.

• 1:25:32Speaker 01

  Cause the real speed is what can go faster, a cheetah or not.

• 1:25:36Theo Von?

  We'll find out right now, let's see that.

• 1:25:43Theo Von?

  What the [__], you see that? It scratched him.

• 1:25:58Speaker 01

  What the fuck?

• 1:26:01Speaker 01

  Wait, I'm lost.

• 1:26:06Speaker 01

  Wait, so how fast was, it said 110 miles an hour, that's just not real.

• 1:26:10Theo Von?

  It said the cheetah hit up to 92 miles an hour at some point. I don't know if that was, I mean, this is, these are all edits, but still, the fact that he raced a cheetah is wild. What's an animal you could race and beat, you think?

• 1:26:19Speaker 01

  Rooster. But i- if they're not flying. Like if they're only running.

• 1:26:24Theo Von?

  They can't fly.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  But they can like kinda jump start a little bit.

• 1:26:27Theo Von?

  They go nine miles an hour.

• 1:26:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I could beat it.

• 1:26:29Theo Von?

  I don't know, nine miles? Dude, can you run nine miles in an hour?

• 1:26:33Speaker 01

  Throughout the day, yeah.

• 1:26:35Theo Von?

  Throughout the day, bro. It's in one hour, so you only get one hour, so you only get one part of a day.

• 1:26:40Speaker 01

  Nine miles in an hour.

• 1:26:42Theo Von?

  And they can briefly reach up to 15 miles an hour when they're flapping their wings. Me too.

• 1:26:46Speaker 01

  I could beat a, uh...

• 1:26:49Speaker 01

  I could beat a rooster off like a 40 yard dash if he's not using his wings. What about you?

• 1:26:55Theo Von?

  I don't know, I'm trying to think of an animal that I could really like, uh...

• 1:26:58Speaker 01

  I think anything at Petco.

• 1:27:00Theo Von?

  That's not true.

• 1:27:01Speaker 01

  Anything that's caged at a Petco.

• 1:27:03Theo Von?

  A pony I could beat.

• 1:27:04Speaker 01

  Pony?

• 1:27:05Theo Von?

  Oh, I don't know, those small ponies are quick.

• 1:27:07Speaker 01

  No, ponies are fast.

• 1:27:10Theo Von?

  That's a good question. What's a good animal I could beat? Probably something that's been using.

• 1:27:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, what, what animals? Can we see what animals run beneath 10 miles per hour?

• 1:27:21Speaker 01

  Cause I think I could run 10 miles an hour for a minute 30. So I don't know what that math is, but I could do that.

• 1:27:28Theo Von?

  Many animals run below 10 miles an hour. Sloths, giant tortoises, koalas, banana slugs, snails. Uh, these all suck.

• 1:27:35Speaker 01

  First of all, what the hell's under the manatees? What the hell's a woodcock?

• 1:27:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'll fight a woodcock.

• 1:27:40Speaker 01

  What is that?

• 1:27:43Theo Von?

  I don't know, that's a good question.

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  That's who should be starting the OF in the military.

• 1:27:47Theo Von?

  American woodcock, homie. Oh yeah, I'll, I'll race, I'll race that thing. Look at the fucking beer belly on that thing.

• 1:27:53Speaker 01

  Oh yeah. He's a lab of lagers.

• 1:27:56Theo Von?

  I'll race the balls off of that little midget. I'll race the balls off, that little air twink, look at that thing. I'll fucking... Bro, I'll surf some seed right out of my fucking weener to that thing, boy.

• 1:28:08Speaker 01

  I don't know how-

• 1:28:09Theo Von?

  Dude, would you let that thing fucking reach into your weener to get a piece of seed? Look at that. Look at that spout on him.

• 1:28:15Speaker 01

  I feel like that would hurt, but if I was, if I was under anesthesia, I guess. Like I like if like like if they were already like like if I had to get a colonoscopy and they're already like doing that, you're like.

• 1:28:27Theo Von?

  I'd let him fucking just sniff in there for a second and see what's going on, bro. It's like the can it's like the canary in the coal mine.

• 1:28:35Speaker 01

  Yes, sir. Well, I think he should be doing more kind of the gyno stuff like the contraptions they have to use to check out the insides of a woman. I mean, they they seem so industrial. They seem like they found it in a warehouse in like a GMC in like 1960s like it's like a clamp like for it also feels like disrespectful to the woman where like, yeah, we just got to go and open up in there. This is a Trans Am?

• 1:28:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, like they use one of those things that they used to use to like.

• 1:28:59Speaker 01

  Lift your car up.

• 1:29:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:01Speaker 01

  But like that's to.

• 1:29:02Theo Von?

  To keep a fire going, you know? Like sometimes they'll use like an accordion, you know, like.

• 1:29:08Speaker 01

  I know, dude, it's tough.

• 1:29:09Theo Von?

  It's definitely ridiculous. Oh, we don't need to look at all that. That's crazy.

• 1:29:12Speaker 01

  Well, it's also, yeah, that bird is kind of what it's replicating. I feel like that bird does the gynos of the nest.

• 1:29:19Theo Von?

  That bird's a party bird. Um, did you see the, uh? You saw six nine is going to the same prison as Maduro. Did you see that?

• 1:29:26Speaker 01

  He's in there with Luigi, Diddy, Maduro. I don't know if that's true, but I saw it on a meme.

• 1:29:33Theo Von?

  That's crazy. But I guess it makes sense. They keep them all in the same prison. Let me see what this six nine.

• 1:29:39Speaker 04

  Arrested President Maduro and his wife. That's crazy, right? Um. I saw this mad thing. So I got the call.

• 1:29:48Speaker 01

  I love he's doing PR for jail. He's like doing a podcast run to promote jail.

• 1:29:52Speaker 04

  Somebody text me saying that they think that when they send me to, um. When they send me to, uh, prison on Tuesday, me and Maduro is going to be in the same unit.

• 1:30:03Speaker 01

  But do you think he's going to prison for for PR? Like, why is he even? What is he going? What charges is he there for?

• 1:30:09Theo Von?

  That's a great question. What charges is he there for? I wonder if he'd be a good guest whenever he gets out, you think?

• 1:30:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. Have you ever met him?

• 1:30:16Theo Von?

  I never met him.

• 1:30:18Theo Von?

  Rapper Takashi 69 has faced various charges primarily stemming from his association with the Nine Trey Bloods.

• 1:30:28Theo Von?

  What's he going to jail for right now? Oh, and jail sentence in early 2026. Received another three month sentence for new violations, including having cocaine and ecstasy in his Miami home and punching a man who taunted him. Well, sometimes you gotta do that. But damn, yeah, I think it could be interesting just to see what his life is like and stuff.

• 1:30:48Speaker 01

  They should give him like a Twitch stream from jail.

• 1:30:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:51Speaker 01

  I feel he's on a run here.

• 1:30:53Theo Von?

  That'd be wild. Well, I just feel like everything is gonna start merging. They're gonna have to start funding. Like if, if the government can't keep things going, they're gonna, everything is gonna have to be started, be funded kind of privately or by people or by like, you know, so I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see like Twitch streams from jail. I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see like, um, the army, uh, or the military start to like have stream or have, um,

• 1:31:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:16Theo Von?

  content, right? I mean, we're already getting there. That stuff's gonna kind of grow a lot, you know?

• 1:31:19Speaker 01

  Like, I'll be on TikTok live just, and it'll just pop up and there's like always, and if you're chronically online, you've seen this. On TikTok, they'll just show like a bar. Like, it's just like behind the bartender and he's just working and there's just a bar.

• 1:31:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:32Speaker 01

  For what? And they're like monetizing that. They're just showing security camera of places.

• 1:31:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:37Speaker 01

  And just getting money from it.

• 1:31:39Theo Von?

  Oh dude, I used to watch like, uh, these like, in like different funerals from different countries. Like you could watch like Indian funerals and stuff and they'd have streams of it and like on YouTube or like just long clips of it. Yeah. You could just wa, like, it's, it's, it's neat to have kind of like a, just like a thing you can just watch.

• 1:31:55Speaker 01

  Just blows my mind, like the effect of live. Like if somebody was like, hey, here's a 20 minute video. I bet I don't want to watch that. But they're like, here's a stream. You'll end up watching 20 minutes like in the blink of an eye.

• 1:32:04Theo Von?

  Well, let's go a little bit more into that prison. Who else was in there? Who else has been in there? Well, is there any articles on it?

• 1:32:09Speaker 01

  Hezbollah in there?

• 1:32:10Theo Von?

  Hall of Fame.

• 1:32:12Speaker 01

  Was he in or out of jail? He's, he's got those Rico charges.

• 1:32:15Theo Von?

  Hezbollah?

• 1:32:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, doesn't he?

• 1:32:16Theo Von?

  He has a twin sister, you know that?

• 1:32:19Speaker 01

  No, I didn't know this.

• 1:32:20Theo Von?

  Hezbollah has a twin sister. Yes, Hezbollah Magomedov was arrested in his native Dagestan in May 2023 for traffic violations. Of course. Any.

• 1:32:30Speaker 01

  He couldn't reach the pedal.

• 1:32:31Theo Von?

  What are we even talking about? Including blocking a road and doing donuts with friends while celebrating a wedding.

• 1:32:39Speaker 01

  Bro, put him in a Waymo and call it a day.

• 1:32:41Theo Von?

  First of all, you have to know that if he gets into a car, just shut the road down for a couple of minutes.

• 1:32:49Speaker 01

  Unless it's a Fisher Price, what car was he whipping it?

• 1:32:52Theo Von?

  He was released under house arrest after being granted bail and had to wear an ankle monitor around his neck. No way.

• 1:33:00Speaker 01

  They just turned him into a rottweiler.

• 1:33:03Speaker 01

  Do you think being on house arrest?

• 1:33:04Theo Von?

  I made that part up. He later apologized for the incident, stating he wasn't driving and promised it wouldn't happen again. I love that in their country, there's such a code of honor, you can just at least promise that it won't happen again.

• 1:33:15Speaker 01

  That's awesome. I mean, do you think being on a house arrest as a smaller person is like, nice?

• 1:33:21Theo Von?

  I bet it's kind of nice, especially for a busy guy like him, because he gets, you know, he just gets a little bit of time to himself.

• 1:33:26Speaker 01

  Al Sharpton's locked up.

• 1:33:28Theo Von?

  Notable inmates that have been held at MDC Brooklyn.

• 1:33:31Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, oh, it has been.

• 1:33:32Theo Von?

  Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn has gained significant notoriety for housing in a unusually high concentration of high-profile federal defendants, including Maduro, Luigi Mangione, Diddy, R. Kelly, Sam Bankman-Fried, Chap El Chapo, Michael Cohen, Ghislaine Maxwell, Martin Shkreli, and Al Sharpton. Wow.

• 1:33:57Theo Von?

  Sam Bankman-Fried. I just thought it was funny that he named him, like, his two last names were the two things that he was. He was like this bank man, and then he was also fried all the time.

• 1:34:06Speaker 01

  That's right there.

• 1:34:07Theo Von?

  So to me, it was like the most perfect, like.

• 1:34:09Speaker 01

  And he's in jail for, what, what did he do again?

• 1:34:12Theo Von?

  He might be out now.

• 1:34:13Speaker 01

  Sam Bankman. He's still in there.

• 1:34:15Theo Von?

  Was convicted and sentenced to 25 years in prison while orchestrating massive fraud at his crypto exchange FTC, found guilty of seven counts, including wire fraud, conspiracy to commit fraud. Yep, he's in there. So he'll be in there for a while.

• 1:34:27Speaker 01

  I feel like the NFT people are kind of, like, NFTs got so swept under the rug, but there were so many people who pulled massive money from that. And just kinda, they made like NFC like clubs and NFC like.

• 1:34:37Theo Von?

  And then that all just disappeared.

• 1:34:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, and nobody talks about it.

• 1:34:40Theo Von?

  Um, did you see the new, uh, this is the new way that they're thinking that incarceration could happen? This is with AI and technology. This is fascinating. See if you can find that story of the pods.

• 1:34:51Speaker 01

  What is this?

• 1:34:51Theo Von?

  Yes, the future of incarceration.

• 1:34:54Speaker 05

  This is no longer about us, honestly. I think it's too late, but it's about our generations to come. Your children, your grandchildren, your great grandchildren. There is a company called Cognify. If you Google it and watch their video and it's the future of incarceration. It's what it's titled. With this Cognify system, let's say you do a crime or maybe you act out against the government or you have a belief system that is not consistent with the country that you live in. And you are prosecuted for a crime by their definition. You will then get an opportunity to choose, let's just use this for hypothetical, a measly petty theft. You can spend 50 years in prison or you can go through the Cognify process, which in three minutes, they will imprint memory sets. So let's say there was someone who was even harmed by the crime that you did.

• 1:35:37Speaker 05

  You will be able to feel the emotions of your victim, the emotions that the family members went through, all of that. You will, you will be forced to have the empathy and you will feel like you've been imprisoned for 25 years or whatever it may be, but it's only three minutes.

• 1:35:50Speaker 01

  Fuck that. They need that, they need that shit for when my girlfriend comes up to me after she had our period the next day and goes, I'm so sorry about last night. I'm on my period. Okay. Well, you need to feel what I was feeling last night for getting yelled at.

• 1:36:01Theo Von?

  Get into the Cognify machine. But dude, eventually if they have an at home one, that'd be crazy. But this is saying.

• 1:36:07Speaker 01

  This is like reverse ice bathing. Like sit in this and feel awful about yourself.

• 1:36:10Theo Von?

  But this is saying that if you did a crime and if you could have, I'm, I'm guessing it's probably something you'd have to afford. If you could afford Cognify, then you'd be able to go and serve your sentence in Cognify. You would have all the things that would really feel like in your brain had happened. And the, in, in five minutes, you could do 20, 20 years.

• 1:36:29Speaker 01

  Because like one, you could pay off the guy who, who hits the buttons. And then he's like, all right, here we go. And you're like, oh, ooh, ow, it's hurting.

• 1:36:37Theo Von?

  Well, I, I mean, I think here it says Cognify is a futuristic prison concept proposed by scientist Hashem Al Ga- Ga- Ga- Gaii.

• 1:36:46Speaker 01

  He's the newest member of Face Clan, by the way.

• 1:36:49Theo Von?

  That uses AI and brain implants to replace long sentences with brief intense rehabilitation. So it's almost like an EMDR, but extremely deep into your brain. AI generated memories, artificial vivid memories are created by AI to simulate the impact of a crime on victims. Dude, this should be crazy. Inmates experience years of remorse and understanding in a short time, allowing for quicker release and reintegration. I mean, it kind of makes sense because that's what you're supposed to be there for. I just wonder how long would that stay, you know? And what if you just go into prison for like a little while and it's just a bunch of, you don't learn anything. It's just a bunch of dudes that's run a train on you or whatever. That'd be my scary thing.

• 1:37:27Speaker 01

  Like you're, you use up for three minutes and now you're just limping.

• 1:37:30Theo Von?

  Dude, what if you get out and you're like, and then your wife lies? She's like, yeah, I left while you were gone and you were gone so long. You're like,

• 1:37:36Speaker 01

  I was gone for two songs on Spotify.

• 1:37:38Theo Von?

  Well, that's the interesting part is like, and your son's like, yeah, we have a new step dad. You're like, what? Bro, that would be the scary thing is what if they just bring you back and like, oh yeah, man, you just got a couple of uh, MS 13 guys got a hold of you and now you're like El Gay or whatever, you know? And that would be the scariest part to me, bro.

• 1:37:58Speaker 01

  The crazy part is like, if they're doing this in three minutes, it's like you leave your house at 10 AM like, oh, I committed this crime. I'm so sorry. You come back, you're back at noon and all of a sudden you have all the remorse for, you know, burning down an Arby's and now you're like, I didn't, I didn't think the fry cook was, it's still in there and I like, now you just have this feeling and regret the rest of your life, but you still have the rest of your life to lit like,

• 1:38:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, but I think this shortcut. It'll be a shortcut and I think it'll be for people that can afford it because here's what you'll be able to do. People will, the, the Arby's family, they'll have some sort of like, other part of it. That's like an, an attorney part of it where it's like, okay, you can make do right now. You can pay restitution. You burn down the Arby's, you killed two, you know, a fry cook and um, someone in the drive through refused to leave without their order, even though the place was burning down. And one other counter person, you can settle out of court with them all right now for $300,000. And then it's just going to be like this fast track thing. It's like, yeah, you're off the hook and you feel the remorse and you, you, you keep living.

• 1:38:59Speaker 01

  If you shoot someone, you'd only, would you feel that person's pain?

• 1:39:03Theo Von?

  I think they just want you to feel, so you would feel the pain of their family members and stuff like that. They would have ways that they could embed that into you.

• 1:39:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, fuck you up. I mean, both of those would fuck you up for life. What did you do, like tax fraud?

• 1:39:13Theo Von?

  It should fuck you up. You killed some people at an Arby's. You should have just-

• 1:39:16Speaker 01

  Right, right, right. It should fuck you up.

• 1:39:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, you shouldn't be off scot-free.

• 1:39:21Speaker 01

  So, how would that work with like tax fraud? Like, who?

• 1:39:27Speaker 01

  The government's no.

• 1:39:28Theo Von?

  That's a good point. Maybe they wouldn't allow it for certain crimes.

• 1:39:32Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:39:33Theo Von?

  Or if they were able to get the money back for you, I'm not sure. That's a good question.

• 1:39:36Speaker 01

  How fast would they do that? I feel like...

• 1:39:40Speaker 01

  I don't know. That's crazy.

• 1:39:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:42Speaker 01

  But they probably are finding ways to speed up prison sentences, but still have the same effects.

• 1:39:47Theo Von?

  Well, it seems kind of archaic, the way that we do it, kind of. It's like this guy's in there for 50 years, nothing ever ha- it's like, he goes through all these boards and it's never, you know?

• 1:39:55Speaker 01

  So long.

• 1:39:56Theo Von?

  And it's just like such a drain on the system. It's just, I'd love to find out more about that, like, uh, cause I know a lot of it is just like some kind of money laundering thing, you know?

• 1:40:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Have you ever been to a prison?

• 1:40:08Theo Von?

  I don't think I have. I've been to a jail.

• 1:40:10Speaker 01

  What's the difference?

• 1:40:11Theo Von?

  I've never been to a prison. A jail's just like a little gay-ass prison. Nobody's even getting gayed out or whatever in it. It's just people waiting for lunch and shit and like-

• 1:40:18Speaker 01

  People waiting for dick?

• 1:40:20Theo Von?

  Jails are local, short-term facilities for those awaiting trial or serving sentences. You can't even find a gang in a jail, you know? You can find like one dude that'll like, like-

• 1:40:30Speaker 01

  Like a pen pal to another gang?

• 1:40:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, you can find one dude who might fucking slip half a Hershey's under your door at night or whatever. But there's no long-term institution there. Those are more, uh, for prisons.

• 1:40:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause they do like so many like tours, like when you go to different cities and you wanna see like where Elvis lives. Like, I think they should tour jails for income. Like, I'm just curious what's going on in there. Like, I wanna do an episode of Scared Straight, but like,

• 1:40:54Speaker 01

  but I just wanna see what's going on. Like, I'm just curious.

• 1:40:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:56Speaker 01

  Like, if there was a jail livestream on Twitch, I'd watch every day. It's just like, it's, you'd never hear about anything there, so to watch it, it almost feels illegal.

• 1:41:05Theo Von?

  Well, there's a lot of shows about it now that people, I mean, people are into those types of, into that type of viewing, I think, for sure, dude. I don't know if I'd be good in jail, dude. I wouldn't.

• 1:41:13Speaker 01

  No?

• 1:41:13Theo Von?

  I'd fucking hate it. Unless my cellmate like had an, we could start a little band or something, I don't think I would be that good in there. If I had something to look forward to as like a group or whatever.

• 1:41:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. What would you do if you got approached by gang members?

• 1:41:27Theo Von?

  I'd have to join.

• 1:41:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:41:28Theo Von?

  We're gonna say, you could say, let me think about it for a day or two, but they're only gonna probably give you two days.

• 1:41:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would treat it like I was a record label, like, and I was a rapper, but I'm just seeing what other offers I get.

• 1:41:38Theo Von?

  I think I would blind myself or something, so nobody's gonna hurt a blind guy, I think.

• 1:41:41Speaker 01

  I do, I feel like unfortunately, that's the number one target. Cause you can't snitch, so like, what did he feel like? Knuckles.

• 1:41:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, well.

• 1:41:51Speaker 01

  I don't know, I, I don't know, I.

• 1:41:53Theo Von?

  That'd be scary to me.

• 1:41:55Speaker 01

  Cause.

• 1:41:57Theo Von?

  I don't, I don't know, man.

• 1:42:00Theo Von?

  I guess, yeah, you'd have to join a gang. I would probably go Mexican gang. I feel like it might be, the food might be better. I don't know, I don't know if black gangs are making food in there. I don't know.

• 1:42:09Speaker 01

  What's the worst gang to join in there?

• 1:42:13Theo Von?

  Prison gangs in the United States. Aryan Brotherhood, Black Guerrilla Mafia, Mexican Mafia, La Nuestra Familia, Texas Syndicate, that sounds kind of like new and novel.

• 1:42:22Speaker 01

  All these sound like a really good, like, NFL league.

• 1:42:25Theo Von?

  And then Neta's.

• 1:42:26Speaker 01

  Or the XFL.

• 1:42:26Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:42:27Speaker 01

  If they bring the XFL back, start with these teams.

• 1:42:30Theo Von?

  The Tennessee type shit, dude, put them in there.

• 1:42:34Speaker 01

  The Tennessee Fightins.

• 1:42:36Theo Von?

  Dude, they should have more, they gotta start putting these people into teams, doing something.

• 1:42:41Speaker 01

  There's gotta be a better way.

• 1:42:42Theo Von?

  It's all gonna happen, man. Everything's merging, everything's getting weird. Yes, it's all becoming Long John Silvers and Baskin Robbins, dude. There's no, it's all becoming the Army fans. It's all starting to merge. We're gonna start to see this kind of stuff a lot, you know?

• 1:42:54Speaker 01

  But I think they should take all the inmates and like, give them some athletic thing to look forward to, and then they can stream it. It's like, I would absolutely watch the Texas Syndicate versus the Puerto Ricans.

• 1:43:06Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, if you had a basketball game tonight.

• 1:43:07Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, like.

• 1:43:08Theo Von?

  It was La Nuestra Familia versus Aryan Brotherhood at 9:00 PM, first one to 11:00, no three pointers. Dude, I would fucking watch that in a heartbeat.

• 1:43:16Speaker 01

  I feel like the AB is only hitting threes. They're not, they're not doing the work in the paint.

• 1:43:20Theo Von?

  It beats the big three fucking league in a heartbeat. I would, but, or you should put one of these leagues into the big three league. They gotta start to just diversify.

• 1:43:27Speaker 01

  But I'm saying, like, if these guys even just play, like, that might bring some unity, it's like UFC, they talk shit before the fight, then after the game, they're like dap up, they're like, I'm not so more respectful to this guy, I love this guy. Maybe there could be some of that, where like, if they're playing each other, they're shit talking, sure, but afterwards, like, hey, type shit, type shit.

• 1:43:42Theo Von?

  Type shit.

• 1:43:42Speaker 01

  And then they can stream it, and you can watch it on like, Rumble or wherever, Paramount Plus or something, but like, I feel like.

• 1:43:47Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, Nick Fuentes would host it, probably. I mean, I think he would probably do it.

• 1:43:54Theo Von?

  Especially if it's on rumble, he's like their lead guy over there.

• 1:43:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I, I like, there's gotta be a way, because they would also probably feel like, imagine being in jail, but like every day you're training for a game on Saturday, like you have something to look forward to.

• 1:44:05Theo Von?

  I agree.

• 1:44:05Speaker 01

  Then you have the stars and shit.

• 1:44:07Theo Von?

  Even though you're a murderer, you still like, yeah.

• 1:44:09Speaker 01

  Murder them threes bitch, boom, from downtown, because shots went in downtown.

• 1:44:14Theo Von?

  He's a killer, yeah. Shots fired, that's one of his names.

• 1:44:17Speaker 01

  Dude, they'd have cool ass names too. Stabby for three.

• 1:44:21Theo Von?

  Yeah. Ooh, like Bobby Lee always makes that sound?

• 1:44:26Speaker 01

  Um, uh, uh, before we get out of here.

• 1:44:29Theo Von?

  You have a special coming up?

• 1:44:30Speaker 01

  Uh, I'm shooting one in March. I'm shooting a special March 13th, the 14th in Arizona.

• 1:44:34Theo Von?

  In Phoenix?

• 1:44:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, in Phoenix. Super excited, um.

• 1:44:37Theo Von?

  It's gonna be sick.

• 1:44:38Speaker 01

  Phoenix is just a great comedy town. I'm really excited, uh.

• 1:44:40Theo Von?

  I might go shoot my special there, maybe. It's not a bad idea.

• 1:44:42Speaker 01

  It's a great city. It's a great city. It's, I mean, you're out here now, but like it's so close to LA. And I've just never, some, some states like, uh, I'll say Ohio's a hit or miss state for me sometimes. Like this is the best show of my life, my special, or you're like, cool, get me to the top of La Quinta, uh, with cement shoes. So you're like always in between. Um, I am on tour right now. I'm doing the Ryman tomorrow. If you want to do a spot, I would love to have you on there. I'd be sick as fuck.

• 1:45:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, man, maybe I'll pop out. I haven't been on stage in a while.

• 1:45:10Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:45:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:11Speaker 01

  Dude, I mean, the, the crowd would just literally nut 28 miles per hour to see you do five minutes. Uh, but.

• 1:45:18Theo Von?

  Alright, I'll come out. I'll come out.

• 1:45:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then I'm doing the Will Turn, which I opened for you at the Will Turn a couple of years ago. That's a great, great spot. Um, yeah, I'm doing a bunch.

• 1:45:27Theo Von?

  You got Ventura, Cleveland. You got a lot of good spots coming up.

• 1:45:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, all of California. I'm doing Reno. I'm doing, I'm doing a lot of places I've never done before, like Oakland, Reno, uh, Memphis, Fresno, Bakersfield, San Luis Obispo, Sacramento.

• 1:45:39Theo Von?

  You guys gotta go see it, man. It's a great, it's just entertaining. It's great energy, the whole set. Um, yeah, dude, you're so great up there, bro. Make sure to send me this too, so I can share it on socials too whenever, uh. After today or after this episode goes up.

• 1:45:52Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, please.

• 1:45:54Theo Von?

  And your tour is called Trevor Wallace Presents Alpha Beta Male?

• 1:45:58Speaker 01

  Alpha Beta Male, yeah, just because I feel like my brain is split in between like being this like alpha male versus like this beta male. It's like, yeah, I find just more kind of unity between both of them. And I feel like every decision I make has like an alpha side versus a beta side in me. It's not like one of those like red pill, blue pill type.

• 1:46:12Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:46:13Speaker 01

  Shows, but it is just like a funny thing to be like, people are, are you this or you that? I'm like, I feel like I'm kind of in between.

• 1:46:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:20Speaker 01

  A lot of fun there.

• 1:46:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, I think it also happens as you get, as you grow up a little bit too. It's like you kind of get two sides of it, you know? It's like, you know, there's days where you're like, you know? Yeah, it's always, you should be like, I'll bust a nut wherever, you know what I'm saying? I'll bust a nut at this fucking party or whatever, I'm like, fuck, you know?

• 1:46:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:37Theo Von?

  You know? Dude, I remember I went to a one year old's birthday party. This is at a time when like, you know, when I was dealing with sobering and relapsing. I went to a one year old's birthday party and ended up buying cocaine there somehow.

• 1:46:50Speaker 01

  From the one year old?

• 1:46:52Theo Von?

  From an adult.

• 1:46:53Speaker 01

  They're like, blow out the candles and you hear the word blow and you're like, where?

• 1:46:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, I don't know. Just show you, anything can happen out there, man.

• 1:47:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just feel like my brain has like, it's more so like, there's, there's a second guessing element to almost everything that I do. Where it's like the example I, I say on stage is like, I've had this thought before, like I wanted to like spit in a girl's mouth, but then another thought was like, but what if I miss?

• 1:47:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:15Speaker 01

  But, but like, that's not how dirty talk works. That's not like how being hot in the bed works is like, you just do it.

• 1:47:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, you have to be that, yeah, you have to be.

• 1:47:22Speaker 01

  You have to be present, but, but you know, it's like, or I'm like scared to like slap a girl's ass in the bed because I'm like, sometimes you don't get the, the pop.

• 1:47:28Theo Von?

  Oh, I hate that.

• 1:47:29Speaker 01

  You get the dud.

• 1:47:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:30Speaker 01

  Sounds like you're just trying to get the dog on the couch. Like, and for me, I'm trying to like, so I overthink everything.

• 1:47:36Theo Von?

  It's so embarrassing too when you get this dud.

• 1:47:37Speaker 01

  They hear it. They hear it too.

• 1:47:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:40Speaker 01

  Then they, a good person you're dating won't address it. A bitch will be like.

• 1:47:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:46Speaker 01

  The fuck?

• 1:47:47Theo Von?

  Are you, that's when you have to yell out, that was loud, huh?

• 1:47:52Speaker 01

  Or that's when you yell out, be like, you probably need some lotion, it's a little dry back here. Or that, or you do what like dads do when they're like moving into a house and they just start checking like, how's this, the structure?

• 1:48:03Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're getting a dud is, is, but like, but literally that's all my thought process is, is like, there's a part of my brain that's like slap ass, but then the other parts, it's like, what if you get a dud? Yeah, what if you miss a little, you get a little tired, you hit that bone, that's a crazy.

• 1:48:17Speaker 01

  That's assault.

• 1:48:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:18Speaker 01

  It's literally assault.

• 1:48:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude. And then now that you're like, how am I gonna bust at 27 miles an hour now?

• 1:48:24Speaker 01

  And then it comes out like 12 miles an hour. It's dude, I'm like, I'm probably the most, one of the most in my head guys I can be. And I just like, once I started thinking about that, like, and this is more graphic, but we're like pretty deep into the podcast. If I start thinking, oh no, I'm not gonna be able to bust, then I can't.

• 1:48:41Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:48:41Speaker 01

  It's all mental for me. Like, like if a girl even says like, are you gonna be able to, then it's out the window. Cause now it's all I'm thinking about. Or if I get too hot, I gotta run to the fucking sink like a little gopher and.

• 1:48:53Theo Von?

  Oh, if the AC comes on or whatever.

• 1:48:55Speaker 01

  Oh yeah. Well, the AC is a little GAY, blow it on your back.

• 1:48:58Theo Von?

  Well, the fan on it, people who could come with the fan on, I thought those are Navy SEALs, dude. Anybody who can have.

• 1:49:04Speaker 01

  Probably Air Force.

• 1:49:05Theo Von?

  Yeah. I've said, I said this on stage, like, anybody who can have sex with a fan on is a fucking, yeah, that's Air Force, dude. Bro, you deserve to have an OnlyFans and support our country.

• 1:49:16Speaker 01

  Why would you wanna make the room colder to now? Like, that's gonna make things probably smaller, I'm guessing.

• 1:49:21Theo Von?

  Oh, but it's just crazy to have, just anybody who could have sex with a fan on is insane.

• 1:49:26Speaker 01

  It's literally like a cuck situation. Cause you're like, who's this other man in the room? Oh yeah, it's a ceiling fan. Yeah, I couldn't do it.

• 1:49:32Theo Von?

  A lot of pressure, dude.

• 1:49:33Speaker 01

  I just, but, but I do that with everything. Career wise, I overthink everything. I.

• 1:49:37Theo Von?

  But it helps you do, you're meticulous, that's what it is.

• 1:49:39Speaker 01

  It is.

• 1:49:39Theo Von?

  And it keeps you where you are. And it's like, you know, you started, your career started off so hot and a lot of times you see guys like that and it's hard for them to figure it out, you know? How long were you doing content before you got into stand up?

• 1:49:49Speaker 01

  I was doing stand up first, but, but.

• 1:49:51Theo Von?

  Oh, you were?

• 1:49:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, but, but like maybe.

• 1:49:54Theo Von?

  But you've still only been doing it now, like what, seven years?

• 1:49:57Speaker 01

  10.

• 1:49:57Theo Von?

  Oh, have you really?

• 1:49:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:49:58Theo Von?

  Fuck, I'm losing every.

• 1:49:59Speaker 01

  No, no, you're good, man. You're good. I don't know why, you'd know that.

• 1:50:05Speaker 01

  How is everything going with Busboys?

• 1:50:07Theo Von?

  Busboys is good, dude. We're gonna, it's gonna come out in a couple of weeks. Uh, no, it's gonna come out in a couple of months.

• 1:50:12Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:50:13Theo Von?

  So I think we're gonna go into theaters.

• 1:50:14Speaker 01

  Oh, fuck yeah.

• 1:50:15Theo Von?

  And then, uh, it looks like, and we're figuring that out right now. And then we'll probably go direct to consumer, just direct to people.

• 1:50:21Speaker 01

  Any streamer?

• 1:50:22Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 1:50:22Speaker 01

  That probably happens after you go theaters and then the buyer.

• 1:50:26Theo Von?

  We'll see. I think it's also you have to present to them when it's fully done and show them what it looks like, you know? So it's been a long, it's been a learning curve. It's been a lot. It's been a lot of stuff. You realize it's like, oh, this is a big undertaking. But I, I, I realize it could be a lot easier next time.

• 1:50:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:42Theo Von?

  And, um, we had a lot of things that were like in the way and make things tough too. Like the fires moved everything at the last minute by a week and just all these little things that change everything. But learned a ton, self-financed it. We made it ourselves, you know, and like wrote it ourselves and completely like. So that, that part, I think I feel really excited about. And I think it should be, I think it's good. I'm just, you know, you've seen it so many times. You're like, I don't even know what's going on here, but you're in it.

• 1:51:08Speaker 01

  I'm in it. I'm dude, I'm so.

• 1:51:09Theo Von?

  Forget it's been so long.

• 1:51:10Speaker 01

  I'm so happy that I got a tap for that. I, I, I watched the full thing and it's like, I think the storyline is so there. It's like, it, it, it's, it's dumb to say, but you're like, yeah, this is a movie. It's not like somebody who tried to make a movie. It's like, this is a movie, like this is a start to finish movie.

• 1:51:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:27Speaker 01

  And the, the storyline was, I was impressed. It was, it's.

• 1:51:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's not groundbreaking, but also it was our first time doing it. It was like, we had to make sure that this piece matches with this piece. But I do think it moves quick and it was funny. It was a lot of great cameos and stuff in it.

• 1:51:39Speaker 01

  The cameos, the cameos are great, man. And it's, uh, but yeah, it's like, even when I saw the trailer, Spade showed me at the, uh, the improv between all those riot matches. But he showed me, uh.

• 1:51:49Theo Von?

  He does.

• 1:51:50Speaker 01

  No, uh.

• 1:51:51Theo Von?

  No, he does. He's got them.

• 1:51:53Speaker 01

  But even the trailer, like as dumb as this sounds, I'm like, dude, this is a, this is a movie trailer.

• 1:51:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:58Speaker 01

  Like, like, like even if I had, I don't even know. Like I could just be a random guy at the Radio Shack and I watch them like, dude, this fucking movie looks sick.

• 1:52:07Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:52:07Speaker 01

  Like it, it, it feels everything like a movie. So any doubt you have. Just because I know you you you're very.

• 1:52:14Theo Von?

  Like you, I think a lot.

• 1:52:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:52:15Theo Von?

  I don't want to slap the bone, you know?

• 1:52:17Speaker 01

  Right, but as an outsider perspective, like dude, this is a fucking movie, movie, movie. So like the fact it's going into theaters and then direct like I'm I'm fired up.

• 1:52:24Theo Von?

  You think I should feel confident about that?

• 1:52:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, dude, there it is. There it is. Yeah.

• 1:52:29Theo Von?

  It was fun. I can't even believe it all happened.

• 1:52:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:52:32Theo Von?

  I mean, it was a crazy time in the year and this all happened so fast. It was like 23 days in a row. We shot and it was just a fucking, it was a lot, dude. But you crushed it. We gotta do something again. Please, man. Let's get this out so we can make a new one, huh? Type shit.

• 1:52:44Speaker 01

  I know. And and that's the thing, like, you know, it's just, I I have so many ideas that I hold on to and I shoot it for so long. By the time I go to like pose, I'm like, what the fuck even is this? So art has like an expiration date, it feels like for the artist, but it's like, once you put it out there, it's like, like how you felt making it? That's that's how it should be perceived a little bit. That that that, um, what what is that book? I'm blanking on his name. It's a great book with the circles on it. Rick Rubin. Have you read the book? What's it called?

• 1:53:10Theo Von?

  He's great, though, huh?

• 1:53:11Speaker 01

  He has a book and it's all about just, uh, yeah, the creative act. Dude, I really love this book. It's, uh.

• 1:53:17Theo Von?

  The creative act, a way of being.

• 1:53:18Speaker 01

  Check it out. Have you had him on the pod?

• 1:53:20Theo Von?

  I haven't.

• 1:53:20Speaker 01

  He would be a great guest.

• 1:53:21Theo Von?

  I would like to. I see some great clips of him.

• 1:53:23Speaker 01

  He's just, his whole perception on art is like, put it out and once it's out, like you, at one point, you love the project. Don't let the outcome dictate how it is. Like when you when you started writing it, you loved it. When you were when you were creating with your friends, you loved it. So but I I apply it to a lot of videos because at one point, when filming it or writing it or editing or all that, I loved it. And then if I post it and it doesn't do well, I go, ah, fuck, the video sucked. I go, no, no, no. But like I I had the care for it at one point. And it's sometimes you sit on projects for so long that you lose that care. So it's it's it's important to kind of put those things out before. And it's not that you lose that care, but your life just changes.

• 1:54:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:01Speaker 01

  And what you find funny in 2024 versus 2025 is different, so.

• 1:54:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, sometimes it's tough to keep something going, but also you're right to remember like, man, at one time I had so much faith in this and believed in this and I knew it was good, right?

• 1:54:15Speaker 01

  And and I still think you should. Yeah, I really do.

• 1:54:17Theo Von?

  Thanks, bro. And it's not. I think I needed to hear something like that, too. We're looking at some last like. Coloring scenes right now.

• 1:54:23Speaker 01

  You're so in it, man. You should do a small screening in Nashville and just like, not anybody who will just glaze, who's like, oh, fuck the, like, just like, literally, like, like, thirty people and just show it and just be like, what were your takeaways?

• 1:54:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:37Speaker 01

  Would you like, what felt good, what felt?

• 1:54:39Theo Von?

  We probably need to do that soon. Maybe we'll do one out in LA too, man.

• 1:54:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely, man. But, um, yeah, I'm super excited for that to come out.

• 1:54:45Theo Von?

  You got the tour right now. Uh, we'll share those, uh, on the socials as well.

• 1:54:49Speaker 01

  That'd be awesome, man.

• 1:54:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'll come out tomorrow night and do a set.

• 1:54:52Speaker 01

  You wanna do it?

• 1:54:52Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:53Speaker 01

  Fuck yeah.

• 1:54:53Theo Von?

  Who else is on the show? Blasting?

• 1:54:55Speaker 01

  Uh, Zach Talonson, you know him?

• 1:54:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, I love him.

• 1:54:57Speaker 01

  And, uh, I think John Chris is doing a set. Dude, it's gonna be Nashville's finest. It's gonna be like, they're gonna take a screenshot of this and put it up next to that New York City prison post and they're like, dude, they had Mom Dami in that bitch?

• 1:55:10Speaker 01

  I don't know who's up in there.

• 1:55:11Theo Von?

  Thanks so much for coming, bro.

• 1:55:12Speaker 01

  Dude, always.

• 1:55:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, congrats on everything. Thanks for the inspiration, dude. Yeah, you just always keep on going, dude. You keep staying creative and it's, uh, it's great to see. I'm glad we get to catch up.

• 1:55:20Speaker 01

  That means a lot coming from you, like, always shit. Um, yeah, you, you got no choice not to.

• 1:55:24Theo Von?

  Let's keep it going, huh?

• 1:55:25Speaker 01

  So, use it.

• 1:55:26Theo Von?

  This is it.

• 1:55:27Speaker 01

  God bless. Thank you for having me and, uh, gang, gang.

• 1:55:29Theo Von?

  Gang, gang, boy type shit. Nardwar.

• 1:55:32Speaker 01

  That was like a Nardwar sign off. Gang, gang.

• 1:55:35Theo Von?

  Good night, Nardwar. I'm Nard, we're Nardwar.