Rob Mac asks about changing your mood

Rob Mac (aka Rob McElhenney) of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and "Welcome to Wrexham" asks Handsome a sole-ful question about changing your mode for the better! Plus BIGGIE'S BACK!, Mae rush-orders invisible makeup, the Indigo Girls answer all your questions, and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:34Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 0:53Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:25Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

• 1:43Fortune Feimster?

  Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers.

• 1:50Tig Notaro?

  Hi, it's your friend Tig Notaro, and I'm sitting here with...

• 1:53Mae Martin?

  Fortune Feimster. And Mae Martin. That was tight, guys. And we're excited to be on the Handsome Pod.

• 2:00Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 2:02Mae Martin?

  I can't believe we're on this pod. And guess who else?

• 2:06Tig Notaro?

  And Biggie's back.

• 2:08Mae Martin?

  Biggie's back, baby.

• 2:10Tig Notaro?

  You know, I see dogs that look similar to Biggie out in the world. And guess what?

• 2:17Mae Martin?

  And what?

• 2:18Tig Notaro?

  They're ever as cute, right?

• 2:20Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 2:21Tig Notaro?

  But they are cute. They are no doubt cute. But Biggie...

• 2:27Fortune Feimster?

  He's got a

• 2:27Tig Notaro?

  Different level.

• 2:28Fortune Feimster?

  Jim and Sequois.

• 2:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. A certain Jun and Seco.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  And people haven't posted about him a lot lately, but I posted something about him like a week or two ago and they said that his eyes aren't looking dead anymore.

• 2:45Mae Martin?

  Really? And where are they getting that information?

• 2:50Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. And I say, you're right. They've never been dead to me. They're full of life.

• 2:55Tig Notaro?

  Listen, I know he's full of life and I don't mean it as a negative thing. I have dead eyes.

• 3:01Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, do you?

• 3:03Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 3:03Fortune Feimster?

  You just did them really well for a second there. All the life went out of them.

• 3:07Tig Notaro?

  I do have one eye that has started to droop, but I'm not going to spend too much time worrying about it, but I am going to make an appointment to see it.

• 3:16Fortune Feimster?

  No, what? Like an eyelid or what?

• 3:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. My eyelid is starting to droop.

• 3:21Fortune Feimster?

  Some people get their eyelids done. Get them done.

• 3:25Tig Notaro?

  I haven't even remembered gotten my teeth colored.

• 3:29Fortune Feimster?

  I haven't done that either. I should though, because I drink a lot of coffee.

• 3:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I eat blueberries.

• 3:35Mae Martin?

  I sleep on one side and that's whole side, I think is drooping. And so one of my eyes, when I'm tired, gets a little. I didn't sleep last night. I feel very like close to the veil.

• 3:48Tig Notaro?

  A visitor?

• 3:49Mae Martin?

  I was having big thoughts. Yeah, I do have a visitor. My life coach is up here with me at the moment.

• 3:54Tig Notaro?

  You have a life coach?

• 3:56Fortune Feimster?

  A life coach?

• 3:57Mae Martin?

  Yes, I do have a life coach.

• 3:58Fortune Feimster?

  We did not know this.

• 4:00Tig Notaro?

  No, we did not. Tell us everything.

• 4:03Mae Martin?

  Have I not talked about this?

• 4:04Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 4:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay. Yeah, I got a life coach.

• 4:08Fortune Feimster?

  For how long have you had a life coach?

• 4:11Mae Martin?

  Well, I've been friends with them a while, actually, but they're just, I mean, look, I never like plug people on the show, but if you are someone like me who's kind of scared of therapy and you want a qualified therapist under the guise of a life coach who's like, it's less pressure. You're talking about your life. You can do arts and crafts while you do it.

• 4:33Fortune Feimster?

  And apparently you hang out together in Lake Arrowhead?

• 4:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:37Tig Notaro?

  Is this, um, what, do we have a gender on this person?

• 4:41Mae Martin?

  They're non-binary. Their name's Jen Horak, at Jen Horak on Instagram, but they are sorting my shit out. Although last night, bad life coach behavior, actually, because we were having deep chats till very late and now I'm very tired.

• 4:55Fortune Feimster?

  But that sounds like positive, though, a positive reason to stay up late.

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  A hundred percent.

• 5:01Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely. And what scares you about a therapist?

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  Good question, Tig.

• 5:06Mae Martin?

  Thanks for picking up on that.

• 5:10Mae Martin?

  I've had therapists.

• 5:12Fortune Feimster?

  They don't go to Lake Arrowhead, I'll tell you that.

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  Well, that's true. I like therapy and have often had therapists, but I don't know, sometimes it's daunting looking directly at someone and knowing we are going to dive into childhood, triggers, all these. There's something nice about a life coach that's like more practical and proactive about like making your your life function. And then in a roundabout way, being like, so what areas are not functioning and why might that be? And how can you, you know what I mean?

• 5:44Tig Notaro?

  Sure. Let me ask you something else. How does a life coach charge you when they come and sleep in your cabin? Another good question, Fortune?

• 5:54Mae Martin?

  Great question, Tig.

• 5:55Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. Thank you.

• 5:56Mae Martin?

  They're technically off the clock. This is a friend visit, but they just happen to be my life coach. So I'm like, yeah, let's hang out on the dock. But anyway, what do you think I should do about my house?

• 6:05Tig Notaro?

  So when you're like in a session, you're paying, but you're also like, hey, want to come crash in Arrowhead at my little cabin and we can talk about me?

• 6:13Fortune Feimster?

  And we can talk about all of my life problems.

• 6:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I lured them up here with the promise of friendship.

• 6:20Tig Notaro?

  And how long have you had this person as a life coach?

• 6:23Mae Martin?

  A couple of months only, but it is really, I don't know, it's the only type of kind of practice like that that I don't dread. Like, I really look forward to it. And my head feels so clear after. And yeah, so you've never, you've had therapists, but not a life coach?

• 6:40Tig Notaro?

  I've had a therapist and then I've mentioned.

• 6:46Tig Notaro?

  Martha Beck on here. She wrote that book, The Way of Integrity.

• 6:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:53Tig Notaro?

  And if people don't remember, it's just a book that encourages you to try and live the most honest and truthful life that you can.

• 7:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:04Tig Notaro?

  Which of course is not exactly the life I'm living, but I'm trying.

• 7:10Mae Martin?

  You're in the closet still. That's a.

• 7:12Tig Notaro?

  Right. But it's nice to have that awareness and kind of reach for that and lean towards that and have it as a north star, if that's of interest. And she had mentioned that she does life coach stuff. And I have that in the back of my mind where I'm like, maybe, maybe I'll give Martha a ring-a-ding. She led me to my sleep coach. Who has been very helpful. I'm still having some struggles, but I think that's from traveling.

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing, the Martha Beck stuff of like, how stopping people pleasing, or yeah, how, how am I going to have this difficult conversation in a way where I stand my ground, but I'm also, yeah, I don't know. I want to be a better person.

• 8:02Mae Martin?

  That's good. Everybody can use to evolve, right? I mean. Yeah.

• 8:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And it's so, it's so interesting to, to hear the different things that speak to different people, you know, whether it's a therapist or a life coach or meditation or.

• 8:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:19Tig Notaro?

  Whatever it is, exercising.

• 8:21Mae Martin?

  Hard drinking.

• 8:22Tig Notaro?

  Hard drinking, drugs. I just find it all very fascinating.

• 8:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:28Tig Notaro?

  And I think it's, oh, here's my final question. What, if you want to share, have you found to be the biggest shift that you've made or started to crack open since this? Is that good? Good question. Thank you.

• 8:44Mae Martin?

  That's a really good one.

• 8:48Mae Martin?

  I think actually the, the truthfulness thing in how it applies to like.

• 8:54Mae Martin?

  Overpromising because I want everyone to like me and like, so yeah, trying to that, trying to, yeah, have more boundaries up front so that I don't end up in this web of anxiety inducing.

• 9:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:07Tig Notaro?

  Sometimes if you, and I know we've talked about it, but it's like, if you can't do something, you don't really have to share details beyond, I'm not available.

• 9:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:16Tig Notaro?

  Or that doesn't work for me.

• 9:17Fortune Feimster?

  That's a lesson I'm learning lately too. I'm finally just going, I can't.

• 9:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 9:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:23Fortune Feimster?

  It used to just be like a paragraph of why.

• 9:26Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 9:27Fortune Feimster?

  I'm like, they, I actually don't owe that.

• 9:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:30Fortune Feimster?

  Anyone.

• 9:31Tig Notaro?

  Well, think about when you get that response from somebody, do you follow up irritated?

• 9:36Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 9:37Tig Notaro?

  Of like, why can't you?

• 9:38Mae Martin?

  No.

• 9:39Tig Notaro?

  If somebody's like, I'm not available or that doesn't work for me, you just go, okay, when's good?

• 9:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 9:46Mae Martin?

  No, if anything, I get irritated if it's like, yeah, for sure. I'll do that thing. Oh, this, I'm washing my sideburns. So I can't, you know, but maybe next week. Oh, no, this, yeah.

• 9:56Fortune Feimster?

  I will say I have, I do feel like I have noticed a more mature version of you in the last, I don't know how many months, but.

• 10:05Tig Notaro?

  I would say since you went to Arrowhead.

• 10:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. No longer than that. But, but I have noticed you not trying to overpromise and then create the web.

• 10:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:20Fortune Feimster?

  Cause you've created, we've, we've seen some webs.

• 10:24Mae Martin?

  Listen, they all are true, but I think, um, all the webs are true is the title of my autobiography. All the webs are true, but they could have been avoided. And I think, I think a big part of that though, comes from just, I was so busy with the show, like with making.

• 10:44Fortune Feimster?

  I felt like I had like four full-time jobs. I find I have more space now and I'm like, I never want to be that busy again.

• 10:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's not fun because it's like, when do you actually live your life?

• 10:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and you start doing a mediocre job on everything.

• 10:58Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 10:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:00Tig Notaro?

  Can I just tell you, we're in New York and maybe I've shared this on here, I don't know, but sometimes when I'm traveling alone, I love to get on the hop on hop off bus tour.

• 11:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I think we have talked about that because my mom also loves that.

• 11:16Tig Notaro?

  I love it so much because I find it so relaxing if you're by yourself or with people. You can listen to the headphones and listen to the tour or not and just look around. So we took Max and Finn on the hop on hop off today. It was so nice and relaxing and I don't remember why I shared that, but go ahead. What were you gonna say?

• 11:39Fortune Feimster?

  I like picturing you on a hop on hop off bus by yourself.

• 11:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too.

• 11:43Tig Notaro?

  If you saw me in Dublin, if you saw me in Rome, London, I love them so much.

• 11:50Fortune Feimster?

  It is kind of a great way to see a city.

• 11:52Tig Notaro?

  It's totally great. And then you go, oh yeah, I want to get back to this.

• 11:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:56Tig Notaro?

  And I want to check that out. I don't really hop on or hop on. I just hop on.

• 12:00Fortune Feimster?

  My mom hops on and that's it.

• 12:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:03Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you just hop on and stay on?

• 12:05Tig Notaro?

  I just stay on and then if something I notice that I want to go back to, I'll make note and then return. But I really don't know why I told you that. I feel like you were gonna say something, Fortune.

• 12:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I was just on the theme of the life coach thing. I had, I've never had a life coach, but I do have a, have gotten back into therapy.

• 12:27Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 12:28Fortune Feimster?

  Just because there's some things in my life happening.

• 12:31Mae Martin?

  What do you mean?

• 12:32Fortune Feimster?

  Um, it's good. It's on, I do Zoom now, which is kind of, I guess since the pandemic, that's more of a thing with therapy.

• 12:40Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 12:41Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so it makes it a lot easier.

• 12:43Mae Martin?

  Do you try and look at the room that they're in and figure out clues about them?

• 12:49Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 12:52Fortune Feimster?

  I don't have, is it weird that I don't have any curiosities about my therapist?

• 12:57Mae Martin?

  It's, that's all I want to know is.

• 12:58Fortune Feimster?

  Should I?

• 12:59Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I have a lot about mine.

• 13:02Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 13:03Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 13:04Mae Martin?

  No, it's healthy that you don't, but.

• 13:07Fortune Feimster?

  I guess.

• 13:08Mae Martin?

  How can you not? You're not wondering?

• 13:09Fortune Feimster?

  Paying attention to that stuff more?

• 13:11Mae Martin?

  Well, do you know their sexuality? That's what I always want to know.

• 13:15Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I think she's straight.

• 13:17Mae Martin?

  None of my business.

• 13:18Fortune Feimster?

  I think she's straight.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  Pretty sure she's straight.

• 13:21Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, I do know for a fact she's straight. Yeah.

• 13:24Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 13:25Tig Notaro?

  Has you asked her?

• 13:27Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm, no.

• 13:30Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, cause my friend also uses her and told me.

• 13:34Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 13:34Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but it's funny that Tig asked a lot of questions because I've, people in my, my friends have joked I don't ask enough questions.

• 13:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, about your therapist?

• 13:43Fortune Feimster?

  Just in general.

• 13:44Mae Martin?

  Knocking on my door, guys.

• 13:45Tig Notaro?

  Like, you, you go do you.

• 13:48Fortune Feimster?

  Come on, knock on my door.

• 13:50Tig Notaro?

  You're saying in general, you don't ask people questions?

• 13:53Fortune Feimster?

  And, um, no, I mean, I ask people questions, but like more specific things, like I'll ask kind of general questions. But then I have friends who are like, well, do you ask more about that? And I was like, no. I just asked the one question and they answered. I didn't, you know what I mean? So I'm trying to do better about like the follow-up questions.

• 14:17Tig Notaro?

  Right, right, right.

• 14:19Fortune Feimster?

  So.

• 14:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, cause I get guilty of like thinking, oh, if someone wants me to know something, they'll tell me.

• 14:25Tig Notaro?

  I know. It is kind of a fine line because I'll come home from certain things and I'll tell Stephanie something that she'll find really juicy or interesting. And she's like, oh, well, did they blah, blah, blah? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't want to overstep. I, you know, and she's like, but if they told you that, then they would be, and I'm like, I don't know. I'm, I'm interested, but I don't want to.

• 14:50Fortune Feimster?

  I think we're supposed to ask follow-up questions.

• 14:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but it, it does reach a tricky point of like, do I cross over to that?

• 15:01Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you can throw out the, you don't, you don't have to tell them if you don't want to. You can't preface it with that.

• 15:07Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely. You're right. All right.

• 15:10Fortune Feimster?

  Who was at your doormat? A ghost?

• 15:13Mae Martin?

  It was two men. One of them had braces. So it was sort of two boys.

• 15:18Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, Mormons.

• 15:19Mae Martin?

  They, I don't know what their deal was. They said. Hello, sir, ma'am. And then they said, and I said, hi. And then they said, I just want to say I like you. We love your home. And I said, thank you. I don't, it's not my home. It's Airbnb. And they said, oh, it's Airbnb. And I said, yeah, sir, I'm just in the middle of something. Can I help you with something? And they said, oh, no, that's fine. If you don't own it, that's fine. Then they left. Maybe they were scoping it out to come rob me.

• 15:43Fortune Feimster?

  I was about to say, I would never open the door to strangers.

• 15:47Mae Martin?

  Even if they had braces, it's very non-threatening.

• 15:49Fortune Feimster?

  That could be part of the, the luring of.

• 15:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Do you know what? A neighbor of mine was in her house.

• 15:58Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 15:58Tig Notaro?

  This woman rings the doorbell and says, my dog ran up your driveway into your backyard.

• 16:07Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 16:07Tig Notaro?

  And the woman walked to the back to try and find the dog. And then she, the woman had her gaggle robbing the house.

• 16:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, no.

• 16:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 16:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:22Mae Martin?

  So did, and just kept her distracted in the backyard?

• 16:25Fortune Feimster?

  I've not heard of this.

• 16:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and was telling her about how she had cancer and how, just was telling her a sob story. And then when she went back in her house, she was completely robbed.

• 16:39Mae Martin?

  What if I see in the newspaper, it's like, warning, the brace boys, robbers are in the neighborhood.

• 16:46Fortune Feimster?

  I'm telling you, I don't answer my door for nobody.

• 16:49Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 16:50Tig Notaro?

  You know, it's funny, is our doorbell, our doorbell was broken for years. I don't know if you know this or remember this, Thomas, but we, our doorbell was broken for years. And I just, I don't have voicemail set up on my phone. My doorbell was broken. Like, I'm completely fine to not hear from anyone. And then we had to get our doorbell fixed for some reason, and I can't remember why. And then all of a sudden, we regularly heard our doorbell ring. And I was turned to Stephanie, I was like, for years. We have no idea who was coming to our house.

• 17:34Mae Martin?

  Well, maybe these guys were scoping it out and now they know I'm here alone with my life coach in the woods and they're gonna come back and get us.

• 17:41Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe it's like kids selling solar panels or something.

• 17:45Tig Notaro?

  But they also might have been like, yo, do you see the guns on that, bro?

• 17:50Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my god.

• 17:50Tig Notaro?

  We're not going back to that house.

• 17:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, really? Like, they'd be too scared?

• 17:54Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. I mean, we've seen your guns. Let's see them.

• 17:57Mae Martin?

  They were like, did you see that sir slash man's guns?

• 18:01Mae Martin?

  I've been at the weightlifting gym in Lake Arrowhead. I found one.

• 18:06Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:09Tig Notaro?

  Now, May, before Fortune got on, I saw you drinking a green juice. And it just really feels like you're getting serious. You have your life coach, you're drinking green things, you're lifting weights, you're turning away people with braces on their teeth.

• 18:28Mae Martin?

  I'm doing all the right things. I'm drinking this disgusting juice, but I have made, I've slipped, I've like relapsed into urban capitalism. Like, I've been in this very pure, spiritual. But I, last night, suddenly thought of all these things that I thought I need up here. And I ordered, I went nuts on Amazon.

• 18:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 18:52Mae Martin?

  And now this shit is arriving. Like, some arrived today. It's one day delivery. Do you want to hear what I've ordered?

• 18:57Tig Notaro?

  Well, not only do we want to hear, but I also really want to spend a moment thinking about all the stuff you have to now take home in your Uber.

• 19:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:07Tig Notaro?

  But go on.

• 19:07Mae Martin?

  I don't know how I'm gonna get out of here.

• 19:10Fortune Feimster?

  Can your life coach take some things back?

• 19:12Mae Martin?

  You know what? I might have to send some stuff.

• 19:14Fortune Feimster?

  Right? That's a good idea.

• 19:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's a really good idea. Let's hear it.

• 19:18Mae Martin?

  So first of all, when I got up here, I realized I hadn't brought any makeup with me.

• 19:22Tig Notaro?

  Oh, May.

• 19:24Mae Martin?

  You know I like a lip taint. I like a, I like a brow gel.

• 19:27Fortune Feimster?

  You can't not put on some lip taint.

• 19:30Mae Martin?

  I know. What are the squirrels gonna think? So, that was part of it, but I woke up this morning and basically, a few glasses of wine last night, laid, this is what I'd ordered. No joke, this is the list, okay?

• 19:41Tig Notaro?

  When you say a few glasses, how many is a few?

• 19:44Mae Martin?

  Uh, three.

• 19:46Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 19:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. Okay, and a whiskey. It was celebrating with my life coach.

• 19:52Fortune Feimster?

  Hey, listen, I literally ate a donut before we started today's pod, so I'm not judging.

• 19:57Tig Notaro?

  There is no judgment here. This is just, fill us in. Let's have the facts. Let's hear, you know.

• 20:03Mae Martin?

  Okay, number one, Velvia 100 Fuji Film. Number two, a tripod. Number three, a flash. Number four, setting spray by Charlotte Tilbury, makeup setting spray, gel brow, clear mascara, um, contour stick.

• 20:21Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what is clear mascara?

• 20:22Mae Martin?

  I was curious. It's like, if you don't want to look too femmy mascara, it's a clear gel, so it lengthens without, yeah, um, concealer.

• 20:35Tig Notaro?

  Sounds like a waste.

• 20:37Mae Martin?

  Two 25 pound weights.

• 20:38Fortune Feimster?

  You're putting clear gel.

• 20:42Tig Notaro?

  It sounds like you're paying not just for clear gel, but you're having it shipped overnight. Because lord knows that can't wait.

• 20:53Fortune Feimster?

  I know. It's mascara that you can't see.

• 20:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and I need it now.

• 21:00Mae Martin?

  I need my invisible makeup, guys.

• 21:02Fortune Feimster?

  I need to pay a lot of extra money for it to arrive immediately.

• 21:06Tig Notaro?

  Delivered to the mountains.

• 21:08Mae Martin?

  And I have all this stuff in LA. Like, I don't know why.

• 21:12Fortune Feimster?

  That seems like a racket, for sure. I mean, Tig and I are not, you know, makeup queens by any stretch of the imagination.

• 21:21Tig Notaro?

  And no real judgment here. It does just seem like, um.

• 21:24Fortune Feimster?

  Clear mascara seems not real.

• 21:28Tig Notaro?

  It feels like you, I mean.

• 21:29Mae Martin?

  I'm with you. In the light of day, I have realized that this is frivolous. In the moment, I thought, well, you know, what if visitors come up?

• 21:38Tig Notaro?

  How else are you gonna look butchy?

• 21:39Mae Martin?

  Exactly. Okay, two 25 pound dumbbells, one audio interface, two weighted ankle bracelets. Whoa, you're on a fitness kick. Two water shoes in case I do go in the water and it's weedy.

• 21:55Tig Notaro?

  In case you shower.

• 21:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, wear my water shoes in the shower. Uh, one synthesizer, two weightlifting gloves, one weighted blanket, one yoga mat.

• 22:04Tig Notaro?

  Wait a minute, wait a minute, a synthesizer?

• 22:10Tig Notaro?

  This list feels like you have not been focused on your self-help.

• 22:17Mae Martin?

  I know. This is, I'm telling you, this is a relapse into madness.

• 22:21Fortune Feimster?

  Synthesizer. Please bring me my synthesizer.

• 22:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and two gongs.

• 22:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:29Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's kind of. You have your guitar there too, right?

• 22:31Mae Martin?

  I have two guitars here.

• 22:33Tig Notaro?

  You have two? You don't need two. In case the Indigo Girls show up for you.

• 22:38Fortune Feimster?

  One is plenty.

• 22:40Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's like all my.

• 22:42Fortune Feimster?

  Two guitars and a synthesizer?

• 22:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Fortune and invisible mascara.

• 22:46Fortune Feimster?

  Are we recording an album this trip?

• 22:49Mae Martin?

  Maybe, I might, you know? It's all my areas of interest are basically cam- cameras, makeup, music.

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  I can't live without these things for the couple of weeks.

• 23:00Tig Notaro?

  How am I gonna get a gong in here?

• 23:03Mae Martin?

  The weighted blanket, too. Oh, man. It goes on, but.

• 23:07Tig Notaro?

  Okay, let's hear it. Let's hear it.

• 23:09Mae Martin?

  No, I mean, it's too embarrassing. This is a crazy spending problem.

• 23:13Fortune Feimster?

  This is a safe space.

• 23:14Tig Notaro?

  No, it's not, but please, continue.

• 23:18Fortune Feimster?

  We'll laugh, but out of love.

• 23:20Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 23:22Mae Martin?

  A weightlifting bench. Um, how am I gonna get this stuff out of here?

• 23:26Tig Notaro?

  A weightlifting bench?

• 23:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:29Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. This would be one thing if you had your own car, but you were Ubering back home.

• 23:35Mae Martin?

  I know, and there's a weightlifting gym around the corner for me.

• 23:38Fortune Feimster?

  I think you need to send the synthesizer, weightlifting bench, and one guitar back with the life coach.

• 23:43Tig Notaro?

  The synthesizer doesn't even seem weird.

• 23:46Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 23:46Tig Notaro?

  After hearing a weightlifting bench, but go on.

• 23:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, hair product, um, like a nighttime, uh, hot chocolate with magnesium in it.

• 23:54Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm. That tastes deli- that's delightful.

• 23:57Mae Martin?

  Uh, facial masks, creatine gummies for weight, but like, this is, I mean, this is hundreds of dollars. It's a problem. I'm gonna send some stuff back. I'm gonna take this.

• 24:08Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wait, you ordered a bunch of this stuff?

• 24:11Mae Martin?

  I did order it all last night.

• 24:14Tig Notaro?

  To be delivered in Arrowhead immediately.

• 24:17Fortune Feimster?

  It's expensive.

• 24:18Mae Martin?

  It's not good.

• 24:19Fortune Feimster?

  What was it, like a, wait, was this, you ordered the synthesizer?

• 24:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, on Amazon.

• 24:23Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, where have you been? I thought we were on the same page.

• 24:27Fortune Feimster?

  This was the list of things you brought up in the Uber.

• 24:29Tig Notaro?

  No, this is what May has ordered overnight delivery.

• 24:33Fortune Feimster?

  God, this is worse.

• 24:38Tig Notaro?

  How am I the one that caught this?

• 24:39Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know how I missed that.

• 24:41Tig Notaro?

  I never know what's going on.

• 24:43Fortune Feimster?

  That had to have been like, how, how much?

• 24:46Mae Martin?

  I don't want to say.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  Come on, just tell us.

• 24:49Mae Martin?

  I really don't want to say.

• 24:51Fortune Feimster?

  What was that like?

• 24:52Tig Notaro?

  We know you don't want to say, but you have to say.

• 24:54Fortune Feimster?

  Fifteen hundred?

• 24:55Mae Martin?

  No, it was under a thousand, but I got it.

• 24:58Tig Notaro?

  Nine ninety-nine.

• 24:59Mae Martin?

  I think it was in the nine hundreds.

• 25:01Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 25:02Mae Martin?

  But I, this is, I know.

• 25:03Tig Notaro?

  May Marie.

• 25:05Mae Martin?

  It's because maybe I got a little panicked that I still have two weeks left and I've kind of done all my fun things. Like I've done my tarot cards, I've done my spells, I've taken some pictures.

• 25:17Tig Notaro?

  We didn't even know there were spells.

• 25:19Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what I'm going to do with my time now that my spells are done.

• 25:23Tig Notaro?

  I guess I'll order a synthesizer overnight.

• 25:27Fortune Feimster?

  God, what could I possibly do now that all the spells have been done?

• 25:31Mae Martin?

  Well, what if I feel inspired by the wilderness to write like a kind of Twin Peaks-y theme song with a synthesizer?

• 25:38Tig Notaro?

  You make a good point, May. You make a good point.

• 25:40Fortune Feimster?

  Let me ask you this, though. Do you own a synthesizer at home?

• 25:44Mae Martin?

  I own a keyboard that, that could be used as a synth. Yeah.

• 25:48Fortune Feimster?

  Do you need it? Do you need a synthesizer?

• 25:50Tig Notaro?

  Yes, Fortune. How else are you going to live in the mountains in Lake Arrowhead when your spells are done?

• 25:57Fortune Feimster?

  How are you going to get all this in an Uber back?

• 26:00Tig Notaro?

  Hey, not our monkey, not our turkeys.

• 26:04Mae Martin?

  I think, um.

• 26:06Fortune Feimster?

  You need to invite one more friend to come visit you in a week and a half.

• 26:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, to bring stuff back. I think I just.

• 26:12Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, can you go?

• 26:14Fortune Feimster?

  I can't. I'm busy, but.

• 26:15Mae Martin?

  How big's your car?

• 26:16Fortune Feimster?

  I'm out of town a lot, but what about Sabrina? Doesn't she want to have a trip out there?

• 26:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, hopefully Sabrina will come up and bring some stuff. It's like, I don't have any dependents. I'm thirty-eight. I'm like, these, I, when I, I buy these little things, it's like a little salt and pepper for life, you know? And then, and then, but I gotta just return them because I've, yeah. If you're listening and you're thinking, this is excess. This is like everything that's wrong with the world. I know, like the boxes arrive, the pack. Like, I know it's all bad, but I'm aware of the habit and Jen Horak, my life coach is.

• 26:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's the life coach is gonna get on this.

• 26:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what does Jen think?

• 26:56Mae Martin?

  Jen is not impressed and but, you know, compassionate inquiry.

• 27:00Fortune Feimster?

  Me much.

• 27:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 27:03Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune you need to find. Not impressed either.

• 27:05Tig Notaro?

  Wait, is that the same girl, the same song as?

• 27:10Fortune Feimster?

  That's not the same.

• 27:11Tig Notaro?

  Let's go, girls.

• 27:12Fortune Feimster?

  Let's go. That's not the same song.

• 27:14Mae Martin?

  Different, same artists.

• 27:15Tig Notaro?

  How dare you?

• 27:20Tig Notaro?

  I love Shania.

• 27:21Fortune Feimster?

  I love her. She needs to do a question.

• 27:24Mae Martin?

  Well, you gotta get a therapist. Or a life coach that answers all your problems in the form of songs like.

• 27:30Fortune Feimster?

  That would be fun.

• 27:31Mae Martin?

  That would really speak to you. Like if you're, if you're like.

• 27:34Tig Notaro?

  That's what, that's what the Indigo Girls do. They answer all your questions in life.

• 27:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 27:39Tig Notaro?

  Really? Yeah, I mean.

• 27:41Fortune Feimster?

  Like, if you wanna know where to go, they say, get off the map, get off.

• 27:55Tig Notaro?

  Am I gonna be alone forever?

• 28:00Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 28:00Mae Martin?

  What if someone says, how close, how close are you to fine right now? Now, does that work?

• 28:11Fortune Feimster?

  I guess it would be like, are you okay?

• 28:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, are you okay?

• 28:13Fortune Feimster?

  The question.

• 28:18Fortune Feimster?

  I love Galileo. What would that question be?

• 28:21Tig Notaro?

  Um, whose head was on the chopping block?

• 28:24Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 28:25Tig Notaro?

  Galileo's head was on the block.

• 28:30Mae Martin?

  I wanna know more about Galileo's.

• 28:32Fortune Feimster?

  Confident rendition.

• 28:37Mae Martin?

  He's the one who figured out that we live in a heliocentric universe, right? He was the first person who said, we go around the sun instead of the sun going around the earth. And everyone said, you're full of shit. And that's what people said to me when I told them to dispel.

• 28:51Fortune Feimster?

  Was that a witch?

• 28:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Who's that character?

• 28:55Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know who this is. Was that a witch? Was that a witch? Are you talking about a witch, Mike? Burn those witches. I think I would have been a witch if I was in those olden times.

• 29:07Tig Notaro?

  What are the olden times? What year?

• 29:09Fortune Feimster?

  Whenever witches existed.

• 29:12Mae Martin?

  They're still around, dude. They are active.

• 29:14Fortune Feimster?

  But when they were getting burned in Salem.

• 29:17Mae Martin?

  I want to say that was seventeen hundreds Salem witch.

• 29:21Fortune Feimster?

  Probably I was in a past life. What do we think I was in a past life? A witch?

• 29:26Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, no.

• 29:27Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 29:28Tig Notaro?

  Not at all.

• 29:29Mae Martin?

  Around, around, oh, sixteen ninety-two, Thomas says.

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, so you were way off. You were like eight years off.

• 29:37Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:38Mae Martin?

  I think you were.

• 29:41Fortune Feimster?

  I wasn't a witch. Was I a man?

• 29:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you were a good man.

• 29:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we've been, we've been skirting around it, but I think, I think you were one of the dudes.

• 29:50Fortune Feimster?

  I was a dude.

• 29:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, burning the witches.

• 29:54Fortune Feimster?

  I was burning the witches.

• 29:56Tig Notaro?

  Witches? Don't act shocked.

• 29:59Fortune Feimster?

  God.

• 30:00Tig Notaro?

  You know this girl.

• 30:01Fortune Feimster?

  You're probably right.

• 30:05Fortune Feimster?

  No, I love witches.

• 30:06Mae Martin?

  I was looking at the stars last night and I was like amazed at how bright they are. And then I was like, okay, my grandma was born nineteen twenty-three and so her mom was probably born, what, like, turn of the century, like nineteen hundred. So basically, my great-great-grandma, like my grandma's grandma lived before electricity, where like they would have seen the stars all the time. And that's so close to us now. My great-great-grandma? That's wild.

• 30:38Tig Notaro?

  Really wild. Is that what, where you were like, eh, I'm gonna get a synthesizer?

• 30:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was around then, I thought. And she wouldn't have had these luxuries.

• 30:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I was having all these deep thoughts. You're like, I could really use a synthesizer right now.

• 30:51Tig Notaro?

  Oh, well, we have electricity now.

• 30:53Fortune Feimster?

  And a weighted ankles.

• 30:56Tig Notaro?

  Weighted ankles.

• 30:58Fortune Feimster?

  What are they called?

• 30:59Tig Notaro?

  That's just after a lot of salt.

• 31:01Fortune Feimster?

  Weighted ankle belts?

• 31:03Mae Martin?

  They're like ankle weights. Yeah, they're.

• 31:05Fortune Feimster?

  Did you need those?

• 31:06Mae Martin?

  No, I don't need.

• 31:08Tig Notaro?

  Should we get our question? What are we talking about?

• 31:10Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. This is pretty riveting.

• 31:20Fortune Feimster?

  Let's get to it. Today's question asker is an actor, writer, producer, and entrepreneur best known for playing Mac on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia since 2005. He also co-created and starred in Mythic Quest and he co-owns the football team Wrexham AFC, winning an Emmy Award for the documentary series Welcome to Wrexham. We have Rob McElhenney, also now known as Rob Mac, asking today's question.

• 31:53Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 31:54Speaker 04

  Hi, handsome podcast. Rob Mac here. I'm a big fan. Thank you for including me in your show. Tig, you were not there, but Fortune and May asked me if I would ask a question and you can't go back on it. So here goes. Do you have anything in your lives that you can turn to that will instantly change your mood? If you're depressed, or sad, or angry, or frustrated, you know that you can go to this one thing and it can quickly, instantly change your mood?

• 32:27Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 32:29Tig Notaro?

  I'm afraid I have a very boring, obvious answer.

• 32:33Fortune Feimster?

  Salads. You go, you go, you turn to salads.

• 32:38Fortune Feimster?

  Sit your little cups. Vegetables, is it vegetables?

• 32:43Tig Notaro?

  How dare you, Fortune Marie.

• 32:46Fortune Feimster?

  Is it, is it your dyke dust?

• 32:51Tig Notaro?

  All right, now I'm not going to share it.

• 32:53Fortune Feimster?

  No, please share.

• 32:54Tig Notaro?

  You've hurt my feelings.

• 32:56Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, no, please.

• 32:57Tig Notaro?

  Don't make fun of lettuce. You know how sensitive I am.

• 33:00Fortune Feimster?

  I know you love lettuce. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again.

• 33:04Tig Notaro?

  You know what? One of my co-stars on Star Trek sent me a picture of romaine lettuce from the company Notaro.

• 33:12Fortune Feimster?

  No way.

• 33:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:14Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know there was a lettuce company called Notaro.

• 33:17Tig Notaro?

  Nor did I, kid, nor did I. Let's see. Yeah, I just, when I take a walk, when I just head out into nature and I'm looking at beautiful things, I just...

• 33:33Tig Notaro?

  Ah, there's nothing better to me to shift my mood.

• 33:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And then not to bring it back to my great grandmother, but isn't it crazy to think, isn't it wild to think that like?

• 33:44Tig Notaro?

  She took walks in the dark.

• 33:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, a few generations ago, no one would have had to think, oh, I need to get some time in nature. It would be like that kind of peace would be much more readily available. You'd go to bed candlelight, you know, then get up when the sun comes up. Yeah. I like that. A walk and do you take different walks or do you have the same route around your neighborhood?

• 34:07Fortune Feimster?

  Good question, May.

• 34:07Tig Notaro?

  I have a very similar route in my neighborhood. You know, it's funny to have an appreciation for my walk in my neighborhood, seeing all the trees and the little dogs walking by and architecture and whatever. But man, having that time traveling on vacation and getting to go to the mountains and Central Park and all the different, being by oceans and lakes and whatever, rivers, it's just a real embarrassment of riches to be able

• 34:49Tig Notaro?

  to see that kind of beauty and the different types of beauty. And then in the back of my mind, I'm like, I have to go back and walk through the neighborhood, which is not a bad thing. It's just, it's so nice when you're really submerged in nature, though.

• 35:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like when you're in Colorado, probably.

• 35:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean is like, like how I was mentioning after Andrea passed, of going out on 6 a.m. hikes and watching the sun come up over the mountains. And it just was really incredible, really incredible.

• 35:29Mae Martin?

  Last night I saw these bats. Like I went and sat on the dock and watched the sunset and there are tons of bats were coming around. And I thought, if I had just decided to sit up at the house and scroll on my phone, I wouldn't have seen the bats.

• 35:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Or if you'd been busy playing that synthesizer.

• 35:46Mae Martin?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 35:49Fortune Feimster?

  Think what you might miss when that thing arrives.

• 35:55Tig Notaro?

  I need this right away.

• 35:59Tig Notaro?

  Wow. What shifts your mood?

• 36:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Fortune, what do you got?

• 36:05Fortune Feimster?

  Gosh, there's a lot of things that I can turn to, which I'm appreciative about. Well, when I have Biggie, that's a big one.

• 36:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:13Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, just his little, like, unconditional love just immediately puts me in the best headspace.

• 36:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I bet you co-regulate your nervous systems together.

• 36:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, well, he's just always good.

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:28Fortune Feimster?

  As long as one of us is with him and he's fed, he's a happy boy.

• 36:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:34Fortune Feimster?

  But that just like genuine happiness that a animal brings when they see you, that hits deep.

• 36:41Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 36:42Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, if he's not around, uh, which is the case, you know, gonna be the case more now, unfortunately. Uh, you know, I love a bench. If I get a coffee and go to a bench and chill, that puts me in a very good mood. Being near water puts me in a good mood. I love, uh, like, just looking at water. I don't have to be in it, but I can just look at it and feel a lot more at peace.

• 37:08Tig Notaro?

  But you do love to sit in it for hours at a time.

• 37:11Fortune Feimster?

  Forever, and that's good. Not the ocean. The ocean scares me. I like to look at the ocean. I don't want to sit in the ocean.

• 37:17Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 37:18Fortune Feimster?

  Too many sharks.

• 37:19Tig Notaro?

  Noted.

• 37:20Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, I love a lake. So my situation right now, very ideal.

• 37:25Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 37:25Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, stuff like that pretty much can reset me into a, into a better space.

• 37:31Tig Notaro?

  Wonderful.

• 37:32Fortune Feimster?

  It doesn't take a lot. I'm not a big, my mood doesn't shift significantly.

• 37:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're pretty steady.

• 37:39Fortune Feimster?

  I'm pretty steady. So it doesn't take much to get me out of, if I'm worked up about something.

• 37:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 37:48Mae Martin?

  I think I, working out, if I can be bothered, will always change how my entire body feels and,

• 37:56Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 37:57Mae Martin?

  and brain, but honestly, an escape room, it's, for an hour, I'm offline, I'm, I'm focused, adrenalized. So being, being chased around a locked room is part, is a good one.

• 38:10Tig Notaro?

  Noted.

• 38:10Fortune Feimster?

  Being chased around, they chase you around?

• 38:13Tig Notaro?

  A locked room.

• 38:16Mae Martin?

  That's not anxiety inducing at all. But it does change my mood.

• 38:20Fortune Feimster?

  True.

• 38:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:22Fortune Feimster?

  It just gives you something else to focus on.

• 38:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, making music. Well, maybe, do you guys find with shows, like sometimes you're not feeling it and you're dreading it? And then you make yourself go and do it. And then I always feel better after.

• 38:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 38:38Mae Martin?

  Doing stand up.

• 38:39Tig Notaro?

  It's so weird how that happens.

• 38:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:41Tig Notaro?

  I've had moments where I've been in an argument with somebody or gone through a breakup, or even got news that a comedy friend passed away just moments before getting on stage and feeling like there's no world that I can do this show. And then I do it. And then I walk off like, wow, that's really insane how much things shifted.

• 39:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:08Tig Notaro?

  And then, of course, it's momentara momentarily shifted, but it is crazy.

• 39:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:17Tig Notaro?

  What is that?

• 39:18Mae Martin?

  I don't know. There's, yeah, I've had moments where I'm like, there is no possible way I can do this.

• 39:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 39:22Mae Martin?

  Show. And then I have to. And then I, and then I, I love it.

• 39:26Tig Notaro?

  It is, it's crazy to think of being an audience member and not realizing the different shows you've watched.

• 39:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:36Tig Notaro?

  Not realizing what is going on in that performer's life.

• 39:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:40Tig Notaro?

  Before they walk on stage because you are basically only an entertainer to the people in the audience, you know? You are there to sing, to dance, to recite poetry, jokes, whatever it is, act. And you could be in the worst argument with your partner or got bad health news or anything, fired from a job.

• 40:07Fortune Feimster?

  I got broken up with once.

• 40:09Tig Notaro?

  Right before?

• 40:10Fortune Feimster?

  And I know I felt, I saw it during the show.

• 40:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. You mentioned that.

• 40:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:16Tig Notaro?

  On text.

• 40:17Fortune Feimster?

  Many, many, many, many, many years ago, I had to do, I did a bit where I read a thing off my phone.

• 40:24Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 40:24Fortune Feimster?

  And it was in the middle of a show and I go to do the bit and I see that I've been done.

• 40:29Mae Martin?

  The breakup, guys.

• 40:32Fortune Feimster?

  That was a

• 40:33Mae Martin?

  Do you remember the text I got in before our live show in Toronto?

• 40:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 40:38Mae Martin?

  That was like 15 minutes before we went on stage and I was like,

• 40:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 40:42Mae Martin?

  I mean, a quivering wreck, but then the show was so fun.

• 40:46Fortune Feimster?

  The show was fantastic, but we were all like,

• 40:48Tig Notaro?

  Uh oh, how's this gonna go?

• 40:52Mae Martin?

  But that's the thing, because people, audiences, think they want raw. Like, they would think, oh, you just got dumped or something, like, come out and talk about it. And it's like, you think you want raw, but you want raw as long as I'm confident enough to bring you out of it and make you feel safe.

• 41:05Fortune Feimster?

  Processed it.

• 41:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you don't want real.

• 41:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I remember that show, there were a few moments where it felt like you're gonna ma- You were teasing going off the rails, but you didn't.

• 41:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I was sipping my whiskey and just sim-

• 41:22Tig Notaro?

  I was like, wow, where is this about to go? And I was like, wow, they pulled themselves back in. And they're back in and we're going, oh, we're going off and we are back, folks.

• 41:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God.

• 41:33Mae Martin?

  Oh, man. Should we hear Rob's answer?

• 41:35Speaker 04

  I do have one of those things and it was provided to me by the great and powerful, almighty Caitlin Olson, who found it on the internet, printed it out and taped it onto the refrigerator. And it is this photo right here.

• 41:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, amazing.

• 41:53Speaker 04

  For those of you who are listening and can't see it, it is a photo of a little boy who is opening what appears to be a new pair of shoes. I'm not 100% sure that that's what's happening, that's just what it looks like and maybe I'm projecting onto it. But he looks like he's opening a box full of new shoes. Actually, very simple looking shoes, but they look new. And he is beaming to the heavens with a face of abject joy. And I find that whenever I'm- Feeling frustrated or angry or sad or most importantly, ungrateful. I just think about that photo. I don't even have to look at it anymore. I just think about it.

• 42:35Speaker 04

  Think about what that boy was going through, leading up to the moment that he opened that box. I think about the billions of people on the planet for the last thousand, hundred thousand years that have been maybe in similar circumstances, who would be overjoyed by what we believe to be the simple pleasure of enjoying new shoes. So that changes my perspective. And I hope that you have something like that. And if not, let me know and I'll have Caitlin reach out.

• 43:06Fortune Feimster?

  Caitlin, reach out.

• 43:07Mae Martin?

  That's beautiful. I feel bad for saying chased around a locked room.

• 43:14Fortune Feimster?

  Rob's being deep.

• 43:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, no, that is so great.

• 43:18Fortune Feimster?

  The photo is really cute.

• 43:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:20Mae Martin?

  Can I send you guys my equivalent photo and maybe we can post it? I'm sending it to the group. This is a photo that gives me so much strength. Maybe you've seen it. It's a girl holding an owl.

• 43:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's cute.

• 43:32Tig Notaro?

  Is that you, May?

• 43:35Mae Martin?

  Strength that she feels with that owl as her.

• 43:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 43:38Tig Notaro?

  That is really awesome.

• 43:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:41Fortune Feimster?

  I love that. We should have our listeners tag us in if they have a picture like this.

• 43:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that gives them strength.

• 43:49Tig Notaro?

  And for anyone who doesn't know or didn't pick up on, or you've been asleep forever, Rob is married to Caitlin Olson. That's why she put the picture on their refrigerator.

• 44:00Mae Martin?

  I didn't know that. Okay.

• 44:02Fortune Feimster?

  She's so funny.

• 44:03Tig Notaro?

  She is so deeply funny. And I actually asked her for a question and she has been a little slow to get this. I'm gonna follow up and I'm gonna send her that picture and just say, look who sent in their question.

• 44:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Do you tell her? Cause Rob was, he was pumped. He was like, heck, yeah.

• 44:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:29Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God. She and I did a project a long time ago and then when it premiered, we were at the.

• 44:36Tig Notaro?

  We were at the movie theater and I ran up to her acting like I was a crazed fan. And she was with her publicist or something who did not know who I was. And was like, uh, excuse me. Um, and, and Caitlin was acting like she was terrified of me.

• 44:53Mae Martin?

  That's so good. Oh my God, that's funny.

• 44:57Tig Notaro?

  I don't know exactly who the person was. I don't know if it was an assistant or publicist. And then Caitlin realized that this woman was truly trying to keep me away. And she was like, oh, no, no, no, this is, I think this was in like 2006 or.

• 45:11Mae Martin?

  We were doing a bit.

• 45:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we were doing a bit. Um, but she's so funny.

• 45:16Mae Martin?

  Elizabeth Olsen?

• 45:18Fortune Feimster?

  The, the Olsen twin sister?

• 45:20Tig Notaro?

  The unrelated Olsen to this story?

• 45:23Fortune Feimster?

  And she was amazing. She said she liked my work and I was trying to tell her I liked a show that she had recently done, but I couldn't think of the name and I kept going, you know, where you like murdered the person. And she was looking at me like I was crazy. And in hindsight, I'm like, maybe it wasn't her, but I'm pretty sure it was her.

• 45:43Mae Martin?

  Are you, are you talking about Love and Death?

• 45:46Fortune Feimster?

  The one where she plays the woman who murders her friend.

• 45:50Mae Martin?

  Yes, yes.

• 45:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. And I kept going, I kept going, I just wa, cause I saw.

• 45:54Tig Notaro?

  And she wasn't familiar with her film?

• 45:57Fortune Feimster?

  I, I only, I watched like a year after it came out. So it probably wasn't on the top of her mind.

• 46:03Tig Notaro?

  Right, but how many things?

• 46:05Fortune Feimster?

  Olsen, but I'm confident it was.

• 46:08Tig Notaro?

  It was Caitlin.

• 46:09Fortune Feimster?

  It was at a like industry party and I kept going, you know, where you murdered, you murder. And she was like, I don't, I don't know. And I was like, okay, nice to meet you.

• 46:19Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 46:21Fortune Feimster?

  But she was rad. She's like my number one.

• 46:24Tig Notaro?

  Or whoever this person was.

• 46:25Mae Martin?

  I really want to work with her. She seems so funny and smart. And yeah, Love and Death is that show where she, it's her and Jesse Plemons and she, it's a true, based on a true story. You gotta watch it.

• 46:36Fortune Feimster?

  Candy something.

• 46:37Mae Martin?

  Candy.

• 46:38Fortune Feimster?

  The character's name. Yeah.

• 46:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:40Fortune Feimster?

  That was good. Can you believe that It's Sunny in Philadelphia, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia has been going for like 20 years?

• 46:48Mae Martin?

  Hmm, that's insane.

• 46:49Fortune Feimster?

  That's nuts.

• 46:50Mae Martin?

  I know, they played a kind of montage of clips when Fortune and I were in Montreal and they were giving an award to Rob and just like, yeah, the number of hilarious things that he's done.

• 47:02Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm. There was a clip where he grabs Caitlin by the cooch and picks her up.

• 47:09Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie.

• 47:13Tig Notaro?

  Do not use that kind of language.

• 47:16Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry, cooter. He picked her up by the cooter and held her up in the air.

• 47:23Tig Notaro?

  It's also fun to see, you know, I think especially because Stephanie and I are together and work together, it's inspiring to see a couple that is doing that for so long, so successfully, and seem to really enjoy each other.

• 47:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. What a dream to have the domestic bond, but then also in your work life, to be inspired by your partner and like, yeah.

• 47:52Tig Notaro?

  For sure, for sure.

• 47:53Fortune Feimster?

  Annie on the soccer team, I like that. I want to own a soccer team.

• 47:57Mae Martin?

  I thought you said Annie on the soccer team.

• 48:00Tig Notaro?

  I did too.

• 48:01Mae Martin?

  And he owns a soccer team.

• 48:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they're probably not broke.

• 48:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:07Fortune Feimster?

  No, this team went from like, this team went from like, not good at all to like incredibly good.

• 48:14Mae Martin?

  It's like a Mighty Ducks story, right? Yeah, I, yeah, maybe we should look into pitching in on a, on a small amateur, like maybe amateur women's soccer or something?

• 48:28Tig Notaro?

  We all three go in on, maybe we could just buy a rec, like a local recreation soccer team of children playing.

• 48:37Mae Martin?

  Oh my gosh, yeah, and train them up.

• 48:40Tig Notaro?

  Or not.

• 48:41Mae Martin?

  Train them up.

• 48:43Fortune Feimster?

  They all have to sign contracts that we make 10% of their future earnings.

• 48:49Tig Notaro?

  Check yes or no if you want to get trained up.

• 48:53Mae Martin?

  You guys want to get trained up?

• 48:55Tig Notaro?

  Y'all here to get trained up or what?

• 48:57Mae Martin?

  Y'all want to go to the Olympics, make it to the big time?

• 49:01Fortune Feimster?

  Let's get trained up, y'all.

• 49:02Tig Notaro?

  All right, sign here, check yes or no, and you pay us and we are gonna own you.

• 49:11Fortune Feimster?

  We're gonna own, they're like, I'm 10.

• 49:13Tig Notaro?

  I'm 4.

• 49:15Mae Martin?

  We put them all on the same team, four-year-olds, 10-year-olds.

• 49:19Fortune Feimster?

  I love soccer.

• 49:21Tig Notaro?

  I know you do.

• 49:22Fortune Feimster?

  I just need to know, May, how, how are you going to spend the rest of this week?

• 49:30Tig Notaro?

  I thought you were gonna say the rest of your money. I was like, I know exactly how.

• 49:34Fortune Feimster?

  Don't spend any more money. You've ordered enough stuff. What, do you have any plans for this getaway? Cause I know you've done all the exciting stuff, like spells, but is there any other plan?

• 49:46Mae Martin?

  There's always more spells to be done, so I'll do, I actually have one planned for tonight. I, I bought this stuff at House of Intuition. It's like a big shell and then they give you salt and special incense and then instructions on what to say. And so I'll be doing that. But no, mainly like, I actually do have quite a bit of work to do. So trying to do that in the morning and then, and then swim and, yeah, maybe I'll come back to LA for the night.

• 50:16Tig Notaro?

  You know what you should do is do some cartwheels.

• 50:19Mae Martin?

  I haven't done, I don't know how.

• 50:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, work on it. You have time. That way you can put the synthesizer down and, and get your cartwheel perfected before you head home.

• 50:32Mae Martin?

  I could do it off the dock.

• 50:34Tig Notaro?

  You can do it anywhere.

• 50:36Mae Martin?

  What if I make a video of me doing a cartwheel off a dock and send it? Actually, can you give me like an assignment for the next week?

• 50:43Tig Notaro?

  I just did. Work on your, what are you talking about? I'm sitting here giving you an assignment. Work on your cartwheel.

• 50:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Oh my God. Are you wanting to go to LA for a booty call?

• 50:58Mae Martin?

  I am actually, yeah.

• 51:00Fortune Feimster?

  I knew it.

• 51:01Tig Notaro?

  Can't you get Amazon to overnight your booty call?

• 51:06Mae Martin?

  I had those, I've missed my opportunity when those braces guys showed up.

• 51:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:10Mae Martin?

  They were in their twenties.

• 51:13Fortune Feimster?

  Thank, thank you for clarifying.

• 51:15Tig Notaro?

  I love that you, that's an option to you, that. Two guys with braces in their twenties. You're like, I could hit that. If I showed up with my gray hair, my blueberry teeth and my wrinkles and my dumpster tits. And I was like, boys, come on in.

• 51:34Mae Martin?

  Vava vum. Listen.

• 51:36Tig Notaro?

  And my wedding ring on.

• 51:38Mae Martin?

  I'm not like totally indiscriminate, but I do think most people could have good sex with anyone. I do believe that. And if more people were, the world would be very different.

• 51:49Fortune Feimster?

  More sex positive.

• 51:50Mae Martin?

  It's so rare that you meet someone you could be in a relationship with and be, build a life with. But most people, I could, it doesn't matter, you know?

• 52:00Fortune Feimster?

  You put a thing in a hole. Yeah, fortune marine.

• 52:07Mae Martin?

  Uh, but no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do the cartwheels. I've finished memorizing all the countries and their capitals. It's like, I'm, I feel kind of bereft. I gotta think of a new list.

• 52:17Fortune Feimster?

  You gotta write some song about synthesizer, apparently.

• 52:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:21Fortune Feimster?

  And wear those weighted ankle belts while you do it.

• 52:25Tig Notaro?

  While you're on your synthesizer.

• 52:27Mae Martin?

  A video of me doing everything at once, putting on the clear mascara, playing the synthesizer.

• 52:32Tig Notaro?

  With your weights on your wrists.

• 52:35Fortune Feimster?

  Ting and I will stand by that this, that that's a scam.

• 52:38Tig Notaro?

  We'll stand by you.

• 52:41Fortune Feimster?

  Do you guys want to see Biggie?

• 52:42Tig Notaro?

  We'll stand by you.

• 52:45Mae Martin?

  Biggie.

• 52:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh, Biggie. Did you see Biggie's little back legs doing the jig?

• 52:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they were doing a little kicking there.

• 52:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. This is a baby. He is so cute. I love him so much. Yes, I do. That is a hit song, Fortune.

• 53:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:02Tig Notaro?

  And you heard it here first, folks. You hear it here first.

• 53:09Tig Notaro?

  That's right. You hear it here first. You heard it here first, folks.

• 53:16Mae Martin?

  God, there's nothing better than someone accidentally saying a word slightly strange.

• 53:22Tig Notaro?

  I love it. You hear it? Yeah, you hear it. I love it when others do. I love it when people call it out on me.

• 53:29Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 53:29Tig Notaro?

  Because you hear the here first. Hear the here first.

• 53:37Mae Martin?

  Say bye bye, baby.

• 53:38Tig Notaro?

  Isn't it interesting? Because people do get upset if they say a word wrong and somebody laughs.

• 53:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:47Tig Notaro?

  Have you known people where they're like, they get

• 53:50Mae Martin?

  Fuddy duddies?

• 53:51Tig Notaro?

  They get upset. And I, I always find it interesting when people get upset. I feel like it takes a lot to really hurt my feelings.

• 54:04Mae Martin?

  Right, right.

• 54:05Tig Notaro?

  I don't, like, it takes a lot. And there have been moments that people have apologized for things where I'm like, I don't even remember that. I have not been holding that.

• 54:19Mae Martin?

  You're gonna get an apology text from Fortune about here did. Sorry, I said huge.

• 54:25Tig Notaro?

  I would like a handwritten apology.

• 54:27Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 54:28Tig Notaro?

  Like even when somebody's like, I don't find you funny at all. And I'm like, yeah, getting a long line.

• 54:34Mae Martin?

  That doesn't get under your skin?

• 54:36Tig Notaro?

  No, not in the slightest.

• 54:39Mae Martin?

  Stuff gets under your skin.

• 54:40Tig Notaro?

  That does not at all bother me.

• 54:44Mae Martin?

  That's, that's impressive.

• 54:44Tig Notaro?

  I find it fascinating. Like, what, like, oh, not because I think I should be funny to them or anybody else. I'm just like, what, what is, like, what are you into? Or what rubs you wrong about me?

• 54:58Mae Martin?

  Or, yeah.

• 54:59Tig Notaro?

  It just doesn't.

• 54:59Mae Martin?

  Compelled you to tell me? Yeah.

• 55:01Tig Notaro?

  I'm glad, I'm thrilled if somebody tells me. I find it, I genuinely, I'm so open to that conversation. I don't take it personally. Maybe I should because it's my comedy. But I just, it just doesn't bother me in the slightest bit if somebody doesn't find me funny. Is, is that weird?

• 55:20Mae Martin?

  No, it, yeah, I aspire to it.

• 55:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's weird.

• 55:26Mae Martin?

  I like it.

• 55:28Tig Notaro?

  Anyway. That's fine. Don't judge me. You're gonna hurt my feelings.

• 55:35Tig Notaro?

  Well, that was really fun hearing from Rob Mack. And Rob, get the old ball and chain on submitting her question.

• 55:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm at Largo on September 17th. Come see me, come hang out. And yeah, that's about it coming up. My show's coming out September 25th on Netflix. So I'm just getting ready for that. What about you guys?

• 55:58Tig Notaro?

  Well, September 21st, I'll be a Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. And September 27th, People of Mississippi, I'll be in Biloxi at the Beau Rivage Resort and Casino. Go to Tignotaro.com for the rest of my tour dates, because as we know, the road goes on forever. Also, make a note, November 14th on Apple TV, the documentary about the poet, incredible poet Andrea Gibson, called Come See Me in the Good Light premieres. And it is truly the thing, no offense, handsome friends, but what I'm most proud of in my entire career.

• 56:40Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm. Yes. I'm on tour, starting in mid-September in San Antonio and Houston, Texas. And then I head to Norfolk and Richmond, Virginia, then Washington DC, Boston, Mobile, New Orleans, Atlanta, Cincinnati and Chicago and Salt Lake City. You can go to FortuneFamester.com for those tickets.

• 57:03Tig Notaro?

  I think I also forgot to mention that The Morning Show is premiering, and that is September 17. That's also on Apple. So check out season four, I think, of The Morning Show. Oh, also, if you enjoyed this episode, send it to a friend. Help us build the handsome community. Review us.

• 57:27Mae Martin?

  Subscribe.

• 57:28Tig Notaro?

  Subscribe. Yeah, watch us on YouTube.

• 57:32Fortune Feimster?

  YouTube.

• 57:33Tig Notaro?

  Don't make fun of me.

• 57:34Fortune Feimster?

  Watch us on YouTube.

• 57:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, until next time. What do you say? Keep it handsome.

• 57:43Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 57:59Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 58:05Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 58:08Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 58:10Speaker 06

  And Hannah Simone.

• 58:11Speaker 05

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 58:32Speaker 06

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 58:45Speaker 05

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 58:56Speaker 06

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.