Becoming a Man w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Ethos: Protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get up to $3 million in coverage in as little as 10 minutes at https://ethos.com/AYG Harry's: Our listeners get the Harry’s Plus Trial Set for only $10 at https://harrys.com/GARBAGE HexClad: Find your forever cookware @hexclad and get 10% off at https://hexclad.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hang on there, Kippy, before we get the show started. I want to talk to Atlanta and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming for the AYG live show as a part of that back on the block tour. So round up the squad, grab some dickies, and come out and hang.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a great way to introduce people to the show. It's stand-up, plus we play AYG with the crowd. You know it, you've seen it. Grab your tickets, areyougarbage.com. We'll see you there, love yous.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:43H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:49H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out that you're to be classy.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:54H. Foley?

  Or they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Garbage.

• 0:56H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. She's okay, thank God.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:04H. Foley?

  Caught her sleeping with her eyes open.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Woo!

• 1:06H. Foley?

  Woo!

• 1:07Speaker 01

  That'll get ya.

• 1:08H. Foley?

  Big scare.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 1:09H. Foley?

  I was also thinking about how we're gonna chop the house up. Was that 50/50?

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Between me and you, I don't know if she has her affairs in order. That's some, you're gonna have to get documents on that.

• 1:19H. Foley?

  She does. I found it downstairs in the, uh, in her roll desk.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Well, then you would understand who gets the house.

• 1:23H. Foley?

  I just saw an envelope that said, "To the boys."

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:27H. Foley?

  "I never liked you."

• 1:28Speaker 01

  It's a bunch of receipts.

• 1:30H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, just the way we like it. Give it up for my best pal in the whole wide world, father of the week, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  Last week. Holiday week.

• 1:48H. Foley?

  Kids running around, kids running around in Europe right now.

• 1:50Speaker 01

  Shout out to ya. Uh, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, also full video available over there on Spotify. The boys are climbing up the charts to the medium part of the charts.

• 2:01H. Foley?

  Top 15 comedy, I don't know what to tell ya. Give me a call.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  That's, give me a call if you want to discuss it. Uh, then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. Go over there, you get all that frickin' bonus content, gang. And listen, if you are in a 100-mile radius, stop talking the tri, the tri-state area.

• 2:19H. Foley?

  For you long-haul truckers out there.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Get some tickets to the boys in Philadelphia at the Met Theater. We're doing it big come December, which is like... Less than two months away.

• 2:30H. Foley?

  Big theater, biggest show you've ever done, hometown. Grab some tickets and come see the boys, we gotta sell this out.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Started out at the Raven Lounge, that held about thirty-two people.

• 2:40H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  Twenty-eight if Foley was in there.

• 2:43H. Foley?

  Out about thirty-two people, about sixteen Percocets.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Couple of vodka Red Bulls.

• 2:47H. Foley?

  Ooh, vodka Red Bull and a Percocet, goddamn.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Okay, demonetized already. Thanks for that one, big dog, always contributing to the business.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  That's coming out of someone's end.

• 3:03H. Foley?

  Ooh, man, talk about hitting. Listen, speaking of hitting, I wanted to-

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Get over here.

• 3:07H. Foley?

  I wanted to bring something up to you. We've discussed it. It's been discussed to a degree.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:15H. Foley?

  But, uh-

• 3:16Speaker 01

  I'm always weary of-

• 3:17H. Foley?

  I know, I know, I know.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Well, just 'cause you said it, I don't know. I'm just, you really, you really rope-a-dope it.

• 3:23H. Foley?

  I was down there at Patty's, at my lovely mother's, uh, recently, and, um, you know, she goes out to bed early. I stumble into the kitchen, you know, see what's, just see what's going on as I'm watching, you know, game, Seinfeld, whatever I'm doing. I'm not reading, but... Not much is going on there. It's a couple of them bad Activia yogurts, some weird cheese, you don't know whether it's, you don't know what it is. Some pomegranate juice is now in there, and then shit for the dogs. So there's not a lot to go on. But I roll over to the pantry-

• 3:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:56H. Foley?

  And I pull out-

• 3:57Speaker 01

  I'm listening.

• 3:58H. Foley?

  A box of something that really defines a boy or a girl becoming a man or a woman.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:09H. Foley?

  You understand what I'm saying? This is your cross-

• 4:11Speaker 01

  I don't know, I don't know.

• 4:12H. Foley?

  This is your cross and a do- you could do your bat mitzvahs, your bar mitzvahs, your communion. This really-

• 4:17Speaker 01

  Your quinceañeras?

• 4:18H. Foley?

  Huh?

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Quinceañeras?

• 4:19H. Foley?

  Quinceañeras, sure. This really determines whether you've become an adult, your palate has changed, you, you are mature. When you realize just how good these things are. Luke, the screen.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Sure, the, with the original wheat thin. Listen, as you know, I'm a bit of an old soul myself.

• 4:42H. Foley?

  You really are.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Uh, these were, I mean, these were just a row, I mean, young, young.

• 4:48H. Foley?

  You got into them young.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  They were, I'm a fat kid.

• 4:51H. Foley?

  Were you suspended from the police force at the time? Two weeks, no pay!

• 4:55Speaker 01

  The world needs plenty of bartenders. Uh, yeah, young age. I'll even push you one better, Original Triscuit.

• 5:05H. Foley?

  No, come on, now you're being stupid. You're, Luke, cut that, it's crazy. The Triscuit, listen, we're not getting into a, uh...

• 5:14Speaker 01

  I'm not saying it's better, I'm saying it's more adult. Or like, yeah, the crap, the, the, the garden herb, I was doing them.

• 5:23H. Foley?

  Who the fuck was doing that?

• 5:26Speaker 01

  My, my stepdad would get those and put the, uh, I wanna say, like, what, uh, what was that cheese? It was like, it looked radio, it was red and, or, it was maybe some sort of pimento?

• 5:36H. Foley?

  No, you're talking about port wine cheese?

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:38H. Foley?

  Fuck that shit.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  I think it was like, hell of a good port wine cheese.

• 5:42H. Foley?

  Dude, no.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  See if you can pull that up.

• 5:44H. Foley?

  You weren't doing that, were you?

• 5:45Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:46H. Foley?

  That's like doing a shot of Cuddy Stark as a kid. Port wine cheese, it took me a while to eat the cheese.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  It had like pine nuts on it or something.

• 5:53H. Foley?

  Oh, oh, you're talking about that shit?

• 5:55Speaker 01

  I don't even know, no, hell of a good port, that stuff, the hell of a good port wine. I remember looking at Ted, it looked like sherbet or something. I said, why the hell is this, they gotta put this in the freezer, it's gonna go bad.

• 6:07H. Foley?

  That shit is nasty.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  I don't think I've ever heard of it.

• 6:09H. Foley?

  Pull up Hickory Farm cheese bowls. They have fucking, um, nuts around them.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  It's a picture of you, yeah, they were big too.

• 6:17H. Foley?

  The fuck those things.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Those were, they had like sliced almonds or walnuts on it. I remember, B, you got a nut force field on this cheese, I ain't touching it.

• 6:28H. Foley?

  Let me see.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Sharp, che, yeah.

• 6:32H. Foley?

  No bueno, where's the fucking provolone, man? But, uh, listen, I know, you know.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  No, that...

• 6:41H. Foley?

  Wheat thins isn't a new topic, but I just wanna say, cause I really...

• 6:45Speaker 01

  They got great ta, great taste in a big crunch.

• 6:47H. Foley?

  I was really thinking about it, like, that was really when, you didn't really fuck with those until a certain point, whether it was, you know, young for you, you know, some people hit puberty early, some people hit puberty a little late.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Ironically, I hit it late. Think it was all the wheat thins stunting my hormone growth.

• 7:04H. Foley?

  Tits came in, nice.

• 7:07H. Foley?

  That was really when you grew up a little bit.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  No.

• 7:10H. Foley?

  When you started appreciating them and you were like, "The Wheat Thin."

• 7:15Speaker 01

  That's the, that was one of the first, that and the Saltine, I'll also, I'll add to that list.

• 7:19H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  That was it, because they're, they're not savory, they're not sweet, you have to appreciate, that, that's the right word, you have to appreciate it.

• 7:26H. Foley?

  Here's the thing, the Wheat Thin is sweet, that's why I can't put the Triscuit on there, I'm sorry.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  I'm not putting, I'm not saying they're the same, I'm saying the Triscuit is more of a grown up, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm seeing your Triscuit and going, "In the same world, I enjoyed the Triscuits more than the Wheat Thin."

• 7:42H. Foley?

  There were these things.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  Crazy enough.

• 7:43H. Foley?

  When you said garden salsa, there was a, there was a.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Garden salsa, what am I, fucking European?

• 7:49H. Foley?

  Garden, no, that's what you said for the Triscuit.

• 7:51Speaker 01

  No, gar, uh, garlic, garden herb.

• 7:53H. Foley?

  Oh, garlic.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Some sort of herb, that and the rosemit, the, the rosemary crack peppercorn or something like that.

• 7:58H. Foley?

  You're a rose, you are old, god damn, you're doing rosemary?

• 8:01Speaker 01

  That's all they had, man, that's all they had, some days, be tight.

• 8:05H. Foley?

  There was something that had to be made by Nabisco, they were octagon shaped and they had little things on it, I want to say crispix, but I know it wasn't crispix, but they were the crispix of cracker.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, and they had like, they had like some bigger chunks of salt on them or something.

• 8:19H. Foley?

  Those things were banging, but the Wheat Thin, man.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  It was Wheat Thin-esque.

• 8:23H. Foley?

  Wheat Thin is really where it all began, where you become a man, when you start being like, "These fucking things are unbelievable."

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Sure, no, I'm right there with you.

• 8:32H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  A grown, a grown up snack, where the men become boys.

• 8:36H. Foley?

  Where the men become boys.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  And the women become who? Kidding, kidding.

• 8:42H. Foley?

  Slice of cheese and a glass of white wine, we know what you're doing, honey. No, just thought of that, I wanted to share it with you, because I really thought about it and I was like, "Man, that really was a time in your life." Because you would, I would knock that thing right out of the way when I was going into the pantry when I was a kid, where are the Oreos, where are the Ginger Snaps? Where's, um, the pretzels, the chips, something like that, and all that time, they were right there.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  I would even push back, I would say the Ginger Snap is more, not that they're not enjoyed by children, but that is more of an elder statesman, upper echelon, mature snack.

• 9:17H. Foley?

  Especially this time of year.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Sure, I remember getting your hands on them in the summer, they were like leftover, god, they'd either be too, they'd get soft, some, they like, got hard, they went through a cycle of the seasons, hard and soft a couple times a year.

• 9:31H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  I didn't like that.

• 9:32H. Foley?

  It was like eating a coaster. Get out of here with that. But you may do. Summertime, mom and dad are at work, there's no money, there's no food. You ginger sap sandwich.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 9:42H. Foley?

  Put a little bologna on there, you'll be alright.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  Get my head on straight. I always wanted to put, I always wanted to take two and do a peanut butter in there. Never had the balls.

• 9:50H. Foley?

  Never got around to it, huh?

• 9:52Speaker 01

  Uh, maybe one day.

• 9:54H. Foley?

  Sometimes you gotta like-

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Never had the resources.

• 9:57H. Foley?

  Or the money.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Well, I think it was always, I was hungry, so I'm like, I'll just do sandwiches, like, mo- you know. Cause that, I don't know about you, I'd push back, I don't get full on snacks. They don't fill me up. I could eat-

• 10:09H. Foley?

  They ruin my appetite.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Here's the thing, is there, there should be, and this is, this is, I mean, we're in hot water debate about snacks here, this is real. I would argue

• 10:21Speaker 01

  that there is an age, a maximum age limit, and I haven't hit this yet-

• 10:26H. Foley?

  A maximum age limit?

• 10:27Speaker 01

  To when you should be consuming Doritos.

• 10:31H. Foley?

  What the fuck is this? Hey, take that shit down to fucking Venezuela.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  That's a childhood snack, to me. I still, I enjoyed them a handful of days ago, I'm not saying, I just think that's more of a, it's like a gusher.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  I think you're allowed the nacho cheese and cool ranch forever, but those crazy flavors?

• 10:52H. Foley?

  You're not doing 3Ds, yeah.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  They gotta stop at some age.

• 10:54H. Foley?

  Wait, I can't have a sweet chili lime, whatever those ones? Those Sweet and Spicy's are good.

• 11:00Speaker 01

  Spicy nachos, sweet chili lime. I, listen, I don't know, it just, they seem, cause I, they got huge when I was a kid, and they got very branded, they were very marketed to children. I would say like potato chips are marketed to everybody, I would argue Doritos are marketed to children.

• 11:15H. Foley?

  Leno used to do the commercials.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, he talks like a, he talks like a, like a clown.

• 11:20H. Foley?

  Now, listen, Luke, put an ad up on Craigslist, I need a new co-host. This guy's bonkos. That's crazy.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  No, I, I told you-

• 11:28H. Foley?

  When's the last time you had a Dorito?

• 11:29Speaker 01

  I just fucking said that, like 48 hours ago. I'm not saying I, I, I abide by the rule, I'm saying- There is more, the same way there's a Triscuit versus a fucking Cheez-It. There's, there are more mature chip options than fucking Cool Ranch Doritos.

• 11:47H. Foley?

  I would say this, okay?

• 11:49Speaker 01

  That's all, I think that's fair.

• 11:51H. Foley?

  There is a certain point-

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Cool is in the name, that's not for fu- If it was Ranch Doritos, Cool Ranch-

• 11:57H. Foley?

  Ranch Hand Doritos?

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Now we're talking Yellowstone Doritos.

• 12:00H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  I'm in. Put a couple of them on a PB and J.

• 12:04H. Foley?

  310 the Yuma Chips?

• 12:06Speaker 01

  You gotta, you gotta fucking cowboy hat.

• 12:08H. Foley?

  I was gonna say, cuz I stopped myself from doing this, uh, again when I was, I was around the, the little cousins. There's definitely an age where you cannot eat a candy necklace anymore.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  I mean-

• 12:22H. Foley?

  And I had a little bit of it, I was like, I shouldn't be eating this.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Did you put it on?

• 12:25H. Foley?

  No.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was talking to an esteemed Yentleman over here.

• 12:30H. Foley?

  I didn't put it on my, I, I rolled it twice and put it on my wrist.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, like a real lady, huh? Hey boys, anybody want some candy?

• 12:38H. Foley?

  You can't be eating those-

• 12:39Speaker 01

  No.

• 12:39H. Foley?

  At 49.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  No.

• 12:41H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:42H. Foley?

  I'm done now.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  That's a sweet, uh, yeah, no, you can't be, that's, uh, that's a tough one.

• 12:48H. Foley?

  Is that weird?

• 12:48Speaker 03

  Who brought those around?

• 12:50Speaker 01

  A child.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, like, how are those in your orbit?

• 12:52Speaker 01

  They're even, dude, they were-

• 12:53H. Foley?

  I was at a rave in Jamaica, Queens. What do you mean? The kids had them.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Was Vinnie with the skinny there? Uh, I would argue, that got phased out for me, I didn't, those things, they stink.

• 13:05H. Foley?

  No, they don't.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, they do.

• 13:07H. Foley?

  They're like Sweet Tarts, but they're fun. And the big rings are cool too.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  I mean, you gotta crack them in half, it's just like, what are we doing?

• 13:13H. Foley?

  That I ate. What about a, what about a Ring Pop? Would you have a Ring Pop now?

• 13:18Speaker 01

  No. No.

• 13:19H. Foley?

  That's pretty good. What wouldn't you eat anymore?

• 13:21Speaker 01

  A Ring Pop? Candy, most candy jewelry I'd have to, I'd have to turn my nose up to, if I'm being honest with you. Unless it was edible panties.

• 13:30H. Foley?

  Would you have a Fruit by the Foot?

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Nothing on that!

• 13:32H. Foley?

  Have you ever eaten edible panties?

• 13:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:34H. Foley?

  I feel like I've had a bite of one.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  One time at lunch. I, a rum-

• 13:38H. Foley?

  Divorced dad sending missile edible panties.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  I'm sitting in the cafeteria, what the heck are these?

• 13:46H. Foley?

  Teacher comes over. What are you doing going through my bag?

• 13:48Speaker 01

  Talking about Fruit by the Foot.

• 13:49H. Foley?

  Nothing on that! Means the teacher had a pair in her bag.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  No, I got it. That was for going over my line.

• 13:57H. Foley?

  I appreciate that.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, a little vendetta.

• 14:00H. Foley?

  Would you have a Fruit by the Foot?

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Uh... Maybe, but I would have to eat it in a certain way. I'd have to unravel it all the way, discard the trash, and eat it that way.

• 14:11H. Foley?

  Well, that's the way I'd do it. I'd unravel the whole thing and then smoosh it up into a ball and eat it.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, I'm just not around fr- if I'm- I'm around children, if I'm around fruit, but they'd have to be like my- my brother or sister.

• 14:22H. Foley?

  What about bubble tape?

• 14:24Speaker 01

  If they- no. No, the bubble gum stops it. To me, listen. What am I, you know, who am I? To me, bubble gum stop, like, you know, I'm not saying you can't enjoy it. Ah, let me get a piece of that Bubbleish or something like that.

• 14:38H. Foley?

  I was trying to find that the other day at a bodega. They don't really have it.

• 14:41Speaker 01

  I don't- I would say-

• 14:42H. Foley?

  It's all sugar-free gum now.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  I would say bodega, yeah.

• 14:44H. Foley?

  I was eating Big Red like a dickhead.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  Oh, man. Big Red used to make my buddy shit. It was crazy. He'd give him diarrhea. It was wild. I'd never seen anything like it. And it took- he loved it. It took him months to figure out-

• 14:55H. Foley?

  Talk about a couple of closers.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  It took, uh, we were like, we were well into- We were well into our twenties, I think, and he's like-

• 15:02H. Foley?

  Why?

• 15:03Speaker 01

  I don't know, it was just one of the spices in it or something. Ran through-

• 15:06H. Foley?

  Probably rosemary.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Dude, we'd be like out at the bar and he'd be like, "I gotta go home," dude. It was crazy.

• 15:11H. Foley?

  What?

• 15:12Speaker 01

  It was nuts. It was like- It was like, uh, see, if you see if you can find anything on- there's gotta be something. Unless he's the only freak. Maybe it was the rumble.

• 15:23H. Foley?

  There's probably something for when he was a kid. Probably some type of childhood trauma. His dad chewed Big Red and he smacked him around.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Got molested by Clifford?

• 15:31Speaker 03

  It's like specific sweeteners.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

• 15:35H. Foley?

  What are the sweeteners?

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Uh-

• 15:37H. Foley?

  I'm not kidding.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  You got one?

• 15:39Speaker 03

  Sucarose, aspartame.

• 15:41H. Foley?

  That's not sucarose.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  No, there's like a nut that was-

• 15:44Speaker 01

  That's sucrose.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  Sucarose and-

• 15:46H. Foley?

  Now, wait, what are you making Spanish for?

• 15:48Speaker 03

  S-U-C-R-A-L-O-S-E.

• 15:51H. Foley?

  Sucrose.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  Hey, Javier, you just did the same thing. Hola.

• 15:57H. Foley?

  Sucrose?

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Me gusta edible panties.

• 16:03H. Foley?

  E Clifford mucho grande rojo pero.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Uh, but I feel like, listen, I think if you can, you can, you can have that stuff. Uh, this is a hard take by, you know, a guy.

• 16:14H. Foley?

  The Doritos thing. Doritos thing's nuts. But go ahead.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  Listen, if I'm somewhere, if I'm, and I'm saying this as for mature people, not us. I'm not saying stop eating Doritos. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if I walked in to like, the guy who's doing my will and he was finishing up lunch with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

• 16:36H. Foley?

  The little bag?

• 16:37Speaker 01

  Anything. Yeah. Give me, I give a, an us, uh, some, that's, that's, that's childlike.

• 16:44H. Foley?

  What about Funyuns? He had a fun, a small bag of Funyuns on the thing.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  I can go either, but that's not great. You don't want your doctor eating Doritos.

• 16:52H. Foley?

  What?

• 16:52Speaker 01

  No, you don't. Come on, give me that. Give me that. You don't want the guy in charge of your 401K. You know, eating a hot dog and Doritos.

• 17:02H. Foley?

  What?

• 17:03Speaker 01

  I'm.

• 17:03H. Foley?

  That's my guy.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  I love them, but that guy's weak. That guy's gonna, that guy's gonna fold.

• 17:11H. Foley?

  That guy'll flip on you.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  First line of question, he's gonna fold.

• 17:14H. Foley?

  As soon as the Southern District rolls into town. Yeah. A little bag of Fritos?

• 17:17Speaker 01

  What has you got on a plane?

• 17:19H. Foley?

  And?

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Young guy comes out and he's finishing a bag of, a bag of Doritos and he's got a ring pop on.

• 17:25H. Foley?

  Who's the young guy?

• 17:26Speaker 01

  The pilot.

• 17:28H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  See what I'm saying?

• 17:30H. Foley?

  Is he good looking?

• 17:31Speaker 01

  No, not really looks like me.

• 17:32H. Foley?

  Is he coming out like, "Hey dude, what's up?"

• 17:34Speaker 01

  No, he's just like, "Uh, just wrapping up."

• 17:38Speaker 01

  He's got a candy necklace on. He's candy flipping. Isn't that something? Candy flipping?

• 17:42H. Foley?

  No, I'm out.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 17:44H. Foley?

  I'm going for the door.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  Dude, I, I've said this before, the first time, I hadn't flown in a very long time, well over a decade. I was flying to see, uh, my boy Pat in Ireland. We were studying abroad. Bought to take a $421 with the money I sold my books. Take that. Was supposed to give that back to my mom. I did not. I was supposed to go towards student loans. It did not.

• 18:06H. Foley?

  They got robbed on the way home.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  Guy got on, I was so nervous to fly again. I didn't fly, probably only flown maybe three times in my life as a child.

• 18:18H. Foley?

  Since Normandy.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  The hair looks good.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  The doors are open.

• 18:26H. Foley?

  Hey dude, that Band of Brothers, the guy, one guy shits his pants and drops them like a mile and a half out.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  And I was so nervous, the pilot got on the plane and I saw the pilot in the, what you gonna call it? In the duty free, I saw all pilot in the duty free buying two cartons of Winstons. And then that was the pilot.

• 18:45H. Foley?

  That's good.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I went, I want my guy smoking heaters, not eating Doritos. That's what I'm saying.

• 18:52H. Foley?

  Hey, you're Rolos, what the fuck?

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, you fucked that, I don't trust you.

• 18:55H. Foley?

  Okay, but talk about Ethos.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Shout out to Ethos, baby.

• 18:58H. Foley?

  Dang, you gotta have that life insurance, God forbid something goes south, you don't want to leave the family holding the bag, as we say. Walk outside, get hit by a bus, who knows? You want to make sure your family's covered and do yourself a favor, get Ethos to cover them.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Yes, if your friend has ever experienced a loss, you know this stuff can happen pretty quickly and unexpectedly, which you gotta get out in front of sometimes. And you gotta be able to secure your family's financial future. If you're the breadwinner out there, you want to make sure your loss of income is covered, like keeping up with the mortgage, tuition and other bills. I had a new baby recently, obviously as you know, it's made me, thank you, it's made me rethink everything, if you've ever had a kid, you go, what's gonna happen when I'm gone? If I can't work, blah, blah, blah. And if you've ever used Ethos, you know that it's easy peasy, there's no complicated process, it's 100% online, there's no medical exam required, just answer a few questions about your health. You get a quote in as little as 10 minutes.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Ethos is an online platform that makes getting life insurance fast and easy to protect your family's future in minutes, not months. That's a great line. You can get up to $3 million in coverage, some policies as low as $2 a day, bill the monthly. Ethos is a trustworthy company that disrupts the traditional life insurance industry. Right now, you can protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get your free quote at ethos.com/garbage, that's Ethos, E-T-H-O-S. protect your family with life insurance from Ethos. Get your free quote at ethos.com slash AYG. That's E T H O S dot com slash AYG. Application times may vary. Rates may vary.

• 20:34H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about Harry's.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Shout out to Harry's.

• 20:36H. Foley?

  My favorite razor. I use Harry's. I get down here. I get it all cleaned up and nice. Feels fantastic. You buy those other razors, they're banging you out. For what? For this, that, the other thing? No good. That's a total scam. What you want to do is you want to go over to Harry's. My favorite razor to use.

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Yes. Uh, Harry's is their own world, uh, has their own world-class blade factory in Germany. There's no outsourcing, no middlemen. And listen, they can pass that savings right on to you. They got a good product at an affordable price. None of this big branding, none of these big things, big time. Harry's. Cut out the middleman, straight to the guys. Uh, the same facility has been perfecting the blade making for over 100 years because they control the entire process from steel to shelf. Love that. They keep the cost low. Why pay $34 for refills when Harry gives you better blades for a fraction of that?

• 21:27H. Foley?

  Talking about the lubricating strip with vitamin E and aloe.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  I don't have to. You just did. Uh, they got an advanced pivoting system to reach every corner of your face. Redefine blade tech for a closer, smoother shave and weighted metal handle. Heavy, it's the Harry's heaviest handle ever for added control and comfort. We're talking a heavy bike handle. Um, for a limited time, our listeners can get Harry's plus, Harry's plus trial set for only $10 at harrys.com/garbage. This set includes all new Harry's plus razors, one reef, refined five blade cartridge, a two ounce foaming shave gel and a travel cover to protect your blades on the go. Just go to harrys.com/garbage to claim this offer. And after the purchase, we're going to ask you how you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boy sent you. Love you.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Dude, if my, if my pilot is chewing bubba-licious and not fucking big red.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  That's a problem.

• 22:21H. Foley?

  Juicy fruit, I'll give ya.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  That was in 1950s.

• 22:24H. Foley?

  I judge the pilots on the cologne. If the cologne's too nice.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  You're making out with you? You're necking with these broads?

• 22:28H. Foley?

  No, but you walk by and you get a little sour. I wanna smell brute, Old Spice, Aqua Velva.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Stetson.

• 22:34H. Foley?

  Stetson.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  My stepdad was...

• 22:36H. Foley?

  Something that they wore in a fucking Vietnamese prison camp, you know what I'm saying?

• 22:40Speaker 01

  My mom still has the Stetson down the shore. It's made the, it's made the movie, like his Stetson. And I took a whiff of it last time. That is a-

• 22:47H. Foley?

  Oh, Joe's?

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, that is a man's-

• 22:50H. Foley?

  You should spill spritz of that for yourself.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  I can't. It brings me, it's just like, it takes me back to like-

• 22:57H. Foley?

  What? You making out?

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Me and him? Nah, it wasn't as tight. Uh, no, I just, I don't know. It takes me back to like a kid, not in a good way.

• 23:07H. Foley?

  I'm gonna start, oh, good.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  That's how you start fucking mind fucking-

• 23:11H. Foley?

  Wow, there we go. Talk about psy-ops. I'm gonna start wearing Stetson. Driving race cars.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 23:18H. Foley?

  Smoking heaters. Get a mustache.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Hey, two out of four ain't bad.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  You're drinking that like you're that mug? Dude, I feel like that mug's empty and you're drinking it like a Broadway actor. Does anybody else see that? Have you noticed that? It's, you're moving way too much for there to be any liquid in there.

• 23:36H. Foley?

  There's only a little bit in there.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  I know shit, and you're doing big-

• 23:39H. Foley?

  I drank it too fast.

• 23:40Speaker 01

  You're doing big gulps?

• 23:41H. Foley?

  In my tattucky cup.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  The last one was empty, for sure.

• 23:44H. Foley?

  Nah, there's still a bit in there.

• 23:48H. Foley?

  I'll do a little baby sips. I'll, I'll do the cup now. I don't wanna be use reusable plastics.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Okay, alright, new guy. I'm putting that up on Craigslist. I need another idiot.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  I'm looking, you'll apply?

• 24:04H. Foley?

  Send me the link.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Come in, hola.

• 24:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, no more plastics for me.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  I don't-

• 24:12H. Foley?

  No more animal products, either.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Psych.

• 24:15H. Foley?

  Burger.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  Got a fur coat on.

• 24:19H. Foley?

  I think you ever coming back?

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Fur coat?

• 24:21H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  It's kinda funny. I drove by one. There's a, you know, there's in the, in New York City, uh, there's the garment district. Where they have just like all those weird stores that just sell like random sweatsuits and-

• 24:36H. Foley?

  Wholesale shit.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, I don't know who they have like-

• 24:38H. Foley?

  Who's buying?

• 24:39Speaker 01

  I don't understand, I don't know.

• 24:41H. Foley?

  That's all Al Qaeda in my mind.

• 24:45H. Foley?

  They're wearing it, that they're wearing it. That's who's buying that shit.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Al Qaeda's running around in a bunch of fur coats, drinking empty mugs.

• 24:53H. Foley?

  No, they were sweatsuits. I figured they work out in that shit. Something. I don't know who's buying that.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  That's not the videotapes I've seen.

• 25:00H. Foley?

  It ain't jerseys.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  They're not all, they're not all wearing fucking Adidas matching sweatsuits.

• 25:04H. Foley?

  Maybe they did pick up the profile a little bit.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Couple of cool guys.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, all that's neither here nor there. We got a Goshdawn Family episode on our hands.

• 25:14H. Foley?

  Get the Wheatons out of here, you're killing me.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  As you know, when you join the old Patreon, the greatest website of all time, we'll answer your garbage question on the ears. Uh, this one, you know, very relatively timely. This was from Adalas. Uh, "Is it garbage to wear sports gear on vacation? I was just in Mexico on a trip on Sunday and there were tons of people wearing Eagles jerseys."

• 25:40H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah. On Sunday?

• 25:42Speaker 01

  I gotta push back.

• 25:44H. Foley?

  What?

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Let me fill you in?

• 25:47H. Foley?

  Please go ahead. I apologize.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  He's just upset about the Dorito thing.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Hey, gusher head. And gushers too. You can't be doing, you can't be buying gushers as an adult. I get all over my paperwork.

• 25:59H. Foley?

  They, they make my teeth hurt. They're so...

• 26:02Speaker 01

  I never liked them. Never liked them.

• 26:04H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  There's not enough chew to, like, they're like too mushy. There's no...

• 26:09H. Foley?

  Who are you, Andy Rooney? You don't like nothing? Yeah, my guy, yeah.

• 26:16Speaker 01

  I remember...

• 26:17H. Foley?

  Candy didn't taste good. It can't now.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  I like candy.

• 26:21H. Foley?

  Yeah, candy, cool Doritos.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  This is just like a fat guy getting mad.

• 26:25H. Foley?

  If it was coal miner Doritos, I would eat it. I'm Kevin Ryan. And I don't like anything fun.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  That's kinda funny. I didn't know who Andy Rooney was, and then they cut to him one time and I was like, "This guy's got some good ideas."

• 26:45H. Foley?

  Ah, he was funny as shit.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, there you go. Take that, Kippy Rooney coming at you.

• 26:49H. Foley?

  Real butt Kippy Rooney's on.

• 26:52Speaker 01

  Cut to me, I got a tweed jacket on.

• 26:55H. Foley?

  Dude, a tweed jacket will get you some fucking crazy eyebrows.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Hey, try, hit me.

• 27:01H. Foley?

  What's the deal with fat friends? That was more Godfrey. Gilbert. Affleck.

• 27:15H. Foley?

  I did go real Godfrey. Gilbert. Why is it called Fruit by the Foot? It's only 11 inches.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  Who's that?

• 27:22H. Foley?

  You. Kippy Rooney. I'll work on him.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  I don't know what voice was.

• 27:27H. Foley?

  I don't know. You got me confused with the Godfrey and then going back and forth to the Affleck.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  Don't you take a sip of water.

• 27:33H. Foley?

  I had it perfect for a second.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Gather yourself.

• 27:35H. Foley?

  I will.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Enneigans.

• 27:38H. Foley?

  Hot.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  You stink.

• 27:46H. Foley?

  Big red.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Orange soda.

• 27:51H. Foley?

  Stop telling people I'm a bad actor too.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  I only told you that in confidence. I didn't know you were gonna blurt it out.

• 27:57H. Foley?

  I wanna say this about the jerseys.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 28:00H. Foley?

  You remember that there was, um... There was an Eagles game when we were in Hawaii.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:07H. Foley?

  It's a Sunday. If you know you're gonna be on vacation and there's a Birds game, you bring your jersey or whatever you want to represent.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  I gotta, I gotta push back on a Jersey poolside at the beach. I gotta push back. I go, I think vacation wins there. I'm not saying you can't support the team, you can't watch the game, you got a hat on. I think a jersey? A thick NFL, a thick jersey?

• 28:29H. Foley?

  I can't do a jersey in hot weather.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying. I go like, put a tee, if you got a Birds tee shirt or something, show your tattoo. But like, I mean, if you got the elastic up around your arms at a swim-up bar, you look like a bazo.

• 28:43H. Foley?

  I didn't say we're in the pool, the chlorine's gonna stain the fabric.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was making a juke. And also, the resort you put us up at, no swim-up bar. I don't know if you remember that or not. Take another empty swig of that.

• 28:55H. Foley?

  There's some in there.

• 28:58H. Foley?

  And you wouldn't know if there was anyway. I'll spill it on my...

• 29:03H. Foley?

  Good actor.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I would, I, I, I'm not, listen, I'm not here to say do it, don't do it. It's trashy. It's trashy.

• 29:14H. Foley?

  Can I say this and it's gonna sound, I'm gonna sound like a real jerk off? And this isn't just the Eagles.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Hold on, let me, let me smoke a cig.

• 29:23H. Foley?

  For some teams, I can see that.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  What?

• 29:27H. Foley?

  That you look like a sucker.

• 29:30H. Foley?

  Some teams.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:33H. Foley?

  But I, I don't wanna say who, you know.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Listen, it's all, it's all teams. If, unless you're at like, you go to like the watch along, but I think if you're at a resort and the guy next to you doesn't have a shirt on and you have a thick Mike Mamula shirt on, jersey on. It's like, you're, you're out of place. That's what I would say. I don't, I don't think sportswear is around the pool and the beach.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  I think invest in some vacation sportswear if that's that important.

• 30:02H. Foley?

  A Hawaiian.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Or a T-shirt, or an Eagles T-shirt. You're wearing that at the bar.

• 30:06H. Foley?

  It's just jersey specific.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  I would say jerseys, yeah. Too thick. It's, it's a...

• 30:10H. Foley?

  Alright, bro. I'll give it to you. But if we're on vacation and I got my jersey on, you start talking shit, you might get rocked.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  You don't have a jersey. You just said you don't like them.

• 30:20H. Foley?

  And now you know what to get me for Christmas. I'd like a nice jersey.

• 30:25H. Foley?

  Mine. From high school.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 30:28H. Foley?

  I'd be cool if you got me a Widener jersey.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  Don't get your hopes up.

• 30:34H. Foley?

  I was 62. My Uncle Joe was 62. That's why I used 62 in high school. College, they gave me like five, I was like double zero or something like. Or 98. Weak. It was so big on me too.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  You were playing roulette, yours is green? This guy don't get in much. Uh...

• 30:53H. Foley?

  More of an outside better.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  Um, this one is, this is from, uh, let's see, this is from Adam. Resub, $10 homie resubbed after being jammed up. Welcome back.

• 31:07H. Foley?

  Hello.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Uh, hello.

• 31:10H. Foley?

  I'm Kippy Rooney.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  Is it garbage if your dad had to tie his shoelaces?

• 31:16H. Foley?

  I don't like what this is.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  To his windshield wipers so he could, before he could get them fixed. I guess he was...

• 31:22H. Foley?

  Wow. Huh.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Um...

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Man, coming from a guy who doesn't have a good windshield wiper sitch going on right now.

• 31:32H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  It's been bad. Since I bought the car, it's been bad.

• 31:34H. Foley?

  Yeah, mine's still, the windshield wipers aren't great anyway.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:38H. Foley?

  The fog gets somewhere. I can't, I can't, I can't get it with the frost. It's just after like a couple of days, it streak.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know. Mine's not good. I asked when I took it in for a tune up last time. I asked them to throw a new set of blades on there.

• 31:51H. Foley?

  That didn't work?

• 31:52Speaker 01

  I don't know if they did or not.

• 31:53H. Foley?

  It's something with the angle. You know what you gotta get is those two, two Jons. The double blade wipers.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  The Rain-X.

• 31:59H. Foley?

  Oh, forget, we've talked about, forget about Rain-X. If everything worked as good as Rain-X, I mean, come on.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  But, yeah.

• 32:05H. Foley?

  That stuff's amazing.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  I would argue, if you're doing that, I'll let you do that to get out of a pinch. If you're in a monsoon, I recommend just pull over and wait for the rain to pass if you don't got working windshield wipers.

• 32:15H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Just me, hand up.

• 32:16H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  But, if you're gonna do that, I, great ingenuity, you made it work. How do you make the other one work, though?

• 32:24H. Foley?

  That's Three Stooges shit right there. You got the wife doing this.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Looks like you're doing a mashed potato. I can do that. Man, you, I, what are you, if you would've asked me at eight what the national dance is, I would've said the mashed potato and the twist.

• 32:38H. Foley?

  Doing this, the twist.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  That would come, if there was-

• 32:41H. Foley?

  I wish that would come back.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  There was ever a dance floor at a Sullivan family party, i.e. a christening, a wedding, something like that.

• 32:49H. Foley?

  Twist is great for a fat kid.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  I mean, I was, I was over in the corner.

• 32:52H. Foley?

  Till somebody does the worm, or makes you look like a fucking jerk off.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. Hey, buddy, it's a family program. Why you start thrusting up in the floor?

• 32:58H. Foley?

  It's always some cousin's fucking greasy boyfriend doing that shit. Fucking scumbag. Fucking coming in here at my fucking aunt's wedding, fucking embarrassing everybody doing that fucking American bandstand shit. That ain't my kinda rock and roll, buddy. I'll tell you that right fucking now. You do the fucking, you do the twist, you wanna fucking shimmy it up a little bit, do that. Fucking come in here, your fucking abs, fucking, ugh, ugh. All sweaty.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  First times that one of the girls in my family started dating an Italian. Joey. Dude, he showed up to Christmas. They must, she must've been, he was older too. And I think he's still around in our fam, like, somebody, he's somebody's-

• 33:40H. Foley?

  Of course you can't get rid of him.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  He's somebody's, nice kid. Guy, I mean, he's probably fucking.

• 33:47H. Foley?

  If you want a stereo or something like that.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  He's probably pushing 50 at this point. Nice guy. That's such a Philly dirtbag. Good kid. He's got like four kids. He's retired. Got a pension. Um, but he walked in, this is, this is down in Port Richmond. He walked into Christmas, Christmas Eve.

• 34:06H. Foley?

  I mean, slid in.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  In a, in a head to toe Adidas tracksuit, brand new dude. He had the undershirt on, the shoes, the pants. I mean, he got crucified. And I didn't under, I was too young to understand why. I just saw the room. Dude, they got him, they got him in like the, at the front door, like a mob hit. Like he opened the door and it was like, yo, what the fuck? I mean, they were calling him like.

• 34:35H. Foley?

  They hadn't met him yet?

• 34:36Speaker 01

  No, they did. Some of them did. But he got, I mean, he got crushed. And I remember the first time being like, that sucked. You gotta hang out here. Cause, cause your girl, your girl, he should have just been like, you guys got me? I'm tagged, I'm out. I'm not hanging out here for three hours.

• 34:50H. Foley?

  You ever played it the other way? You ever walk into an Italian household? Fucking little Irish fat kid. He fucking ripped me to shreds. Uncle fucking one-liners in the corner, fucking crucified me. Cause I go up to get a fucking, second blade of fucking angel hair. Guy's fucking busting my, you got a mustache, man. You're yelling at me. I'm fucking 14 years old. I have a fucking weight problem. The fuck, I don't know. Tell your wife not to make fucking the sauce so good. Maybe I wouldn't fucking be up here three times. Just crushing me. Brutal.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  They're brutal.

• 35:23H. Foley?

  And killing too.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Ah, ha, ha, they all laugh.

• 35:27H. Foley?

  Whole bottle of wine on the table. They made it. Killing me.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Fucking guido's.

• 35:33H. Foley?

  Food was so good though, I took it.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Woo wee. Yeah, that was, uh.

• 35:40H. Foley?

  That's like when you realize what funny was.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:43H. Foley?

  You know?

• 35:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:44H. Foley?

  That was my kind of fun, even though they were coming at me.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Uh, yeah, well, my, uh, we met him, my Uncle Pat came to the Atlantic City show, and he was talking, he had his boy there, and his boy goes, "I hear a lot of you, Kevin, in you." And I'm like, "Yeah, I'm just mimicking"

• 36:01H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  "The funnier guys that were at the party growing up." You know what I mean? I'm like, "I just took a little here, a little there, a little timing from him, a little act out from him, a little attitude from him." Got out, Brendan.

• 36:12H. Foley?

  An artist doesn't create, he listens.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 36:15H. Foley?

  To my new book. An artist doesn't create, he listens.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Drinking from empty cup, step one.

• 36:24H. Foley?

  Still a little bit in there. I'll get to the first commercial break. Kevin, let's talk about Hexclad.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Shout out to Hexclad!

• 36:31H. Foley?

  Talk about getting with the big dogs.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Woo!

• 36:33H. Foley?

  We're selling Hexclad, baby, let's go!

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 36:36H. Foley?

  Gang, it's the fall. Order it out. All that stuff, it's done. You want to do a little cooking in the fall and the winter? Hexclad is the way to go.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:45H. Foley?

  The best on the market. Get some Hexclad, tell them the boys sent ya.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, guys, I've, this is, this is just serendipitous timing. I bought a full set of Hexclad because I was tired of my bozo ass pans, pots and pans I had, and I came in and I started bragging about it on the show before they were even a sponsor.

• 37:02H. Foley?

  I got the free ones.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  It's, it's, I mean, you could, you could, the eggs couldn't stick to this thing even if you used super glue.

• 37:08H. Foley?

  Slide them off.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  Obviously, I'm speaking with hyperbole.

• 37:11H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 37:11Speaker 01

  But it's fantastic, you feel like a pro. It takes the, it takes the stress out of, "Oh, my God, is this too hot, is this too cold?" The pan does it for ya.

• 37:18H. Foley?

  You just feel good when you're cooking with them.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  Uh-huh, I got, I got the six-piece set. It's a perfect starter, uh, bundle for any kitchen. It includes three of their most popular pans with the matching lids. Gives you everything you need to handle daily cooking with ease. From breakfast to dinner, these pans deliver pro-level performance, effortless cleanup, and durability to last a friggin' lifetime.

• 37:36H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Uh, game days are here, it's time to upgrade your kitchen for hosting season. Get 10% off at hexclad.com/garbage and make sure your, your spread is as strong as your lineup. Support the show and cook with gear as serious as your passion at hexclad, H-E-X-C-L-A-D dot com forward slash garbage. Let Hexclad know we sent you and experience the ultimate upgrade in your kitchen with Hexclad. Superior performance, Hexclad, do it.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  Hey Spotify listeners. When you travel with American Airlines, you'll enjoy comfort and convenience at every altitude. Before takeoff, unwind in the Admiral's Club Lounge with curated self-serve offerings of hearty bites and refreshments. In-flight, stay connected with high-speed Wi-Fi. Sponsored by AT&T. Your journey is designed to feel easy from the moment you check in to the moment you arrive. No matter where you're going, American gets you there. Book now at AA.com.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  Um, alright, this one's from Bugland Bad. Any ladies in your family obsessed with horses or wolves?

• 38:36H. Foley?

  That's a tough look. Horses, yes. Is someone in your family? My mom loves horses. Really? She likes the trotters. No, she loves horses. Never bet the trotters. She talks, she, okay, she had a horse. What? For like a minute. This was when she was in, I don't know, you get her on the phone, she starts, she acts like she's fucking, um, uh... I had a pony. She's, yeah, she's actually, she's Katherine Hepburn or something like that. Just talking about like, you know, like she grew up on the farm or like around the Kentucky Derby. My Uncle Jack had horses, or had a horse, and... Were they up in Wilkes-Barre or something? Yeah, I think, somewhere up there. I don't think that was like the prestigious horse. That was like a workhorse. Yeah, dude. She had an old mule.

• 39:21H. Foley?

  He'd run out for parties or something. Patches it was called. That's not a, that's a dog's name at best. That ain't a horse's name. And I, I never seen it. That horse got three legs. I don't even know where the fucking farm was. It could have been in a fucking empty lot around the corner for all I know. Um, but I know my, my Uncle Jack, they're, they're big in rodeo and all that stuff down in, down in Texas. Um, but this was like 1979. She said she had a horse. She used to ride it. And she loves horses. And for a minute, she was volunteering at like, uh, at like a horse farm, like brushing the horses and shit. I'm like, you're gonna get fucking kicked in the tit. What are you doing over there? Go to fucking water aerobics like a normal person. Yeah.

• 40:04H. Foley?

  You can't get on a, a trained horse trainer. Probably doping him up.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think anyone in my family's ever been on a horse. I know Denise does not get close, has never been close to a horse.

• 40:20H. Foley?

  Flat teeth.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  I can guarantee you that.

• 40:22H. Foley?

  Wolves is extra trashy though.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, um, I had a, uh, there's a faction of my family, extended, whatever, family that lives, uh, up in, up in the mountains.

• 40:35H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 40:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, they come down once about every 12 years.

• 40:37H. Foley?

  No shit?

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:39H. Foley?

  Huh. You gotta get eyes on them.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  Uh-uh.

• 40:42H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 40:43Speaker 01

  It's no bueno.

• 40:45H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you'll, you, you would, there's no, there's no, uh...

• 40:53H. Foley?

  I think the fireplace is always going at their house. See the smoke rising?

• 40:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's, I don't even know what the house, no one's ever been up there. They're like mountain people.

• 41:02H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:03H. Foley?

  Heavy.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  I've all, I've seen them in the past 20 years, once.

• 41:09H. Foley?

  They smell like wood when they're around?

• 41:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:12H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Uh-huh. Uh, but she came down...

• 41:16H. Foley?

  Wooden gunpowder.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  She came down with one of those wolf shirts on. To like an event, like...

• 41:24H. Foley?

  Even, even Joey was making fun of her.

• 41:28H. Foley?

  Talk about me, look at this fucking brud.

• 41:30Speaker 01

  Different side of the family. Um, yeah, with a wo, with a wolf shirt.

• 41:35H. Foley?

  Like the one like Jack Black wears? Ian wears those kinda shirts.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:38H. Foley?

  Like kitschy.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  Ian, yeah, this wasn't kitschy, this was like, I'm putting, this is my nice shirt I'm putting on.

• 41:44H. Foley?

  I don't get the wolves thing.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  I don't get it either. They're, they're...

• 41:47H. Foley?

  They're cool.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  They're a majestic, uh, they're the, you know, they're a more spiritual majestic.

• 41:51H. Foley?

  Until they're fucking ripping you apart on a fucking hike.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  I, no, I, trust me, I agree.

• 41:56H. Foley?

  They don't fuck around, they roll deep too, 15, 20 of them.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Pack them and get you.

• 42:00H. Foley?

  Uh-uh. Have you seen, you ever seen that big one? The one that, I can't remember where it was, it was a big, like gray black wolf. It was huge.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, we think they're like dogs. Actual wolves are like significantly bigger.

• 42:13H. Foley?

  Fuck you up.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, dog. Um...

• 42:16H. Foley?

  I don't get that. I think they're cool, but, I don't know. I remember being at somebody's house and they had like a painting of them. Behind the couch.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  It's so trashy. It's so trashy. They were big.

• 42:29H. Foley?

  It's got, the family.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  I get it if it was like a Yellowstone portrait and you got some wolves in it, but I imagine it's like...

• 42:35H. Foley?

  What's a Yellowstone? Oh, like, I thought you meant the show.

• 42:41H. Foley?

  Are you related to Kevin Costner?

• 42:42Speaker 01

  That's, now that you say that, that same faction of the, uh, of the family, another branch of that, was very, uh, like southwest influenced. You know, like New Mexico, Wolfland.

• 42:57H. Foley?

  I don't get that.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  They, they had a bu- she had a three, I don't, I don't-

• 43:01H. Foley?

  That Tex-Mex bullshit.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah, I don't fuck with that.

• 43:04H. Foley?

  Turquoise jewelry.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Pick a side, will ya? Tex-Mex.

• 43:10H. Foley?

  Turquoise jewelry and tostadas?

• 43:12Speaker 01

  I remember the first time I went out for Tex-Mex, I didn't know what it was. This is, this is late in the game. I was proper mid twenties.

• 43:19H. Foley?

  I just thought it was what they added to the Alamo.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  I didn't, I, I'm not even, I gotta be honest, I'm not sure what the Alamo is. Uh, that's where, that's where my neck-

• 43:28H. Foley?

  It's a rental car place. They screw ya!

• 43:30Speaker 01

  The motherfuckers owe me. Uh, here for a tank of gas. Uh, I went out with Phil X. He's like, "Let's go to Tex-Mex." And this is when we were like, I was becoming an adult.

• 43:41H. Foley?

  Uh-huh. You've had a wheat then?

• 43:43Speaker 01

  I was still eating Doritos.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  And I thought, I, I didn't know, I hadn't really started my foray into Mexican food.

• 43:53H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 43:53Speaker 01

  And there was just like, I got like the sausage, the smoked sausage sampler platters, it was, which was, would've been for like thirteen people or something.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  I ordered off the catering menu.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  And he's like, "Really?" Like, he got like a burri- you know, I don't know what the fuck he got.

• 44:12H. Foley?

  That comes with seven salads.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  Is it me, or is that a lot of coleslaw?

• 44:27H. Foley?

  That's a lot of coleslaw!

• 44:30H. Foley?

  You know you're fucked up when the sides hit the table, really, "Oh shit."

• 44:37H. Foley?

  Fuck! And they put down like a holding thing?

• 44:41Speaker 01

  Dude, it was like, it was like wheels of sausage, you know what I mean? Like, like the roll. Like, they got it from the grocery store and just cooked it and cut this thing up or nothing.

• 44:53H. Foley?

  Ah, you stink. What'd Phil say?

• 44:57Speaker 01

  I was just like, "Ah, this is a lot." And he's like, "Yeah, it's a weird choice, man." And I was just like, muscling through some of my fucking ninth link of sausage.

• 45:05H. Foley?

  The quinceanera platter.

• 45:10Speaker 01

  Pretty sure he picked up that check.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  I didn't know what Tex-Mex was.

• 45:17H. Foley?

  I don't really understand what it is either. I'd like to try right now for you.

• 45:21Speaker 01

  Can you pull up the actual definition, see if Foley can define it?

• 45:24H. Foley?

  There's beans involved.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  I mean, I think it's a hybrid combination of Tex- Texas and Mexican food.

• 45:30H. Foley?

  Texas barbecue and Mexican food.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  I would, yeah, I think it's a blending of the two.

• 45:36H. Foley?

  But I feel like baked burritos on there for some reason. A burrito with sauce on top that you would eat with a fork and a knife.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  What do you got?

• 45:44Speaker 03

  Blend is the key word. Blend of Mexican and Southern American features, originally characteristics of border regions of Texas and Mexico.

• 45:50H. Foley?

  Hit me with a dish.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Sausage platter.

• 45:55H. Foley?

  Is it like when you put beans in chili? Like, because Texas chili is no beans.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  Defined by using ingredients like beef, yellow cheese, flour, tortillas, along with spices like cumin. Key dishes include fajitas, nachos, chili corn, carne.

• 46:11H. Foley?

  Oh, okay. I got you. Alright, so, okay.

• 46:13Speaker 03

  Sour cream is like a big Tex-Mex.

• 46:15H. Foley?

  Oh, no shit. So it's not really anything. I got it. It's just Americanized Mexican food.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  A version of that, yeah.

• 46:24H. Foley?

  Which I'm into. I liked, I told you. I like a traditional, but, you know, hit me with an otega.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:32H. Foley?

  I'm in.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  Sure, I'm right there with you.

• 46:34H. Foley?

  Turn it right on, I'm in.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  Smoke something with your dog. Um, alright.

• 46:38H. Foley?

  You getting more of that sausage on you, big man?

• 46:41Speaker 03

  It was like, it was a lot.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Did you take it home?

• 46:44Speaker 03

  I doubt it. I think I was sleeping on his couch.

• 46:48H. Foley?

  Cut it, you punk.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Tough times.

• 46:52Speaker 03

  I had such a-

• 46:53H. Foley?

  He probably thought you were real jammed up. You ordered that much food?

• 46:56Speaker 03

  I mean, he knows, I think he's well aware.

• 46:57H. Foley?

  Geez, man, I'll get you breakfast tomorrow.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:59H. Foley?

  Nah, this is cool.

• 47:04H. Foley?

  What a loser.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, I owe that kid so much money. It's crazy. It's crazy. So nuts.

• 47:14H. Foley?

  I'll go down. Send me down.

• 47:16Speaker 01

  What?

• 47:17H. Foley?

  Whatever he needs, you know? Go ahead and shake hands. I'll do a golf thing with him. Let him show me off a little bit.

• 47:23H. Foley?

  Nah, it's fine.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  I had a day offer to take me to his country club. And I don't know anything about the country clubs, obviously. I'm more of a public...

• 47:31H. Foley?

  Guys have sausage?

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Loser. Can you send me the menu? Uh, he's like, "Yeah, we can go here." I said, "There?" I said, "I'm a goddamn half a celebrity taking me to that. I don't know anything about it."

• 47:45Speaker 01

  Fuck, I can't be seen going there?

• 47:47H. Foley?

  Public course.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  Place sucks.

• 47:52H. Foley?

  Ah, man, we stink.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had a realization of like, the struggle I had. Because as you know, now I'm a father, I've taken a lot of like, you know...

• 48:03H. Foley?

  You still talking about the sausage? Get over it. You misordered.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Swing and a miss. No, just like how much both of us, I'd say you still to a certain extent, struggle to be adults. Proper functioning adults. It's bad. For a long time,

• 48:23Speaker 01

  we just didn't have the resources to do it.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  Now that I'm a father and I see the responsibility, I went, "Oh, people have been doing this." You think you're behind, you think you, this is, I never realized how immature I was once the fatherhood came. And I was like, "Oh, everyone I know has been doing this for eight years."

• 48:45H. Foley?

  And so you think attacking Doritos is gonna turn this all around on you? Is that what this is?

• 48:50Speaker 01

  You didn't like the comment about the Doritos?

• 48:52H. Foley?

  I did not.

• 48:53Speaker 01

  I did not.

• 48:55H. Foley?

  Goddamn American pastime. That's probably, Doritos probably Tex Mex.

• 49:00H. Foley?

  Right?

• 49:01Speaker 01

  Listen, you're not wrong.

• 49:04Speaker 01

  Uh, this one's funny. This is from All the Toes, $10 Woodsman. How many tree stumps are in your yard? Bonus points if it's all stumps.

• 49:12Speaker 01

  I would, uh, I think to me, they were, my understanding of them, and they were very hard to get out up until like 15, 20 years ago.

• 49:22H. Foley?

  100%.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  It was like, what are you gonna do about this stump? You had to know a guy. Then the technology, they come and they drill it. They would burn them out. All that stuff.

• 49:31H. Foley?

  The watch I saw.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  But now it seems like they'll come over in 30 minutes and fucking zip them out.

• 49:36H. Foley?

  Cause there's more than machines out there and the technology's caught up. I remember watching that shit like it was fucking seeing fire for the first time. These dudes came over on a Saturday. It was done in five minutes. They just dropped this huge fucking thing.

• 49:54H. Foley?

  It was all, you're all seeing instant mulch. Wood chips everywhere.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 49:58H. Foley?

  Had to rake that shit up. Fucking, I'm busting my balls. But yeah.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. That's, um...

• 50:04H. Foley?

  You ever try to go out one of those things? My dad, he must've had a Coors Light or two in him.

• 50:09Speaker 01

  Try to take a stump out?

• 50:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Nah, we were not, we were not, we were not large landscapers. We did, we cut the grass, we redid the beds. My dad would drop the mulch, drop the rock. We would do that, but like

• 50:21Speaker 01

  we knew there was better tools than us hacking at that for fucking a four day weekend.

• 50:25H. Foley?

  Dude, we were hacking at it. My dad's so pissed. Cause those roots down there, they're like flexible. They're not dry, they're moist. And you can't snap those things.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  I saw one, it was the chain around it and then a wheel. And if you use like, if you put the wheel up, it acts as a fulcrum. Simple machines, take you back to elementary.

• 50:45H. Foley?

  A wheel?

• 50:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you take a tire.

• 50:47H. Foley?

  Uh-huh.

• 50:48Speaker 01

  Like a truck tire, say. You wrap a chain around it and then a lot of people try to rip it, like with the back of their truck. Like they tow it.

• 50:55H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? Like they pull it. Um, but this, you put a tire, like say this is the chain, you put a tire here.

• 51:01H. Foley?

  Oh, I got you.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  And that creates the frick, and that can absorb, the tire can absorb the tension and create the whatever. And that pops it right out.

• 51:08H. Foley?

  No shit?

• 51:09Speaker 01

  I mean, I ain't doing it.

• 51:10H. Foley?

  Fuck that.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  I remember there was one in my yard and my dad's yard and, uh...

• 51:15H. Foley?

  They were kinda cool for a little while. If you had a big one, you sit on it.

• 51:18Speaker 01

  I remember him going, "Yeah, we could burn this out." I remember going, I was like seven. I'm like, "We're not doing that." I'm like, "That, we're not, no, we're not try to light a tree on fire kinda guys. We have no experience doing that. We live in the suburb." Like, it's not like we're in like a country where you got like three acres and you can just let it burn. Yeah, we don't have a burn pit, dude.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  My dad tried to do that for one weekend.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  It takes like the weekend. It takes like two days.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  And it didn't work out. He just had to call in Tom Koscheta.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  That's a good tree guy name.

• 51:47H. Foley?

  Tom Koscheta. Is he the tree guy or the everything guy?

• 51:49Speaker 03

  No, he's the tree guy. Wow.

• 51:51H. Foley?

  Tom Koscheta. Tom Koscheta, that out in five minutes. You know what the hell you're doing, Lou?

• 52:01H. Foley?

  I'm kidding, sir.

• 52:04H. Foley?

  Please don't fire me.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Also, I saw a comment. Somebody really thinks we sold to Luke's family's company, the Dempsey Group.

• 52:14H. Foley?

  We didn't?

• 52:15Speaker 01

  What? What are those papers I signed?

• 52:19H. Foley?

  Two guys coming to drag me away?

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Oh, God. Alright, let's see here. Um...

• 52:27Speaker 01

  Never ha- this is from Flatbush Tommy. Never have one read. Uh...

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Let's see. "I've caught my old man adding salt to the pretzel bag. P.S. He's on high blood pressure meds."

• 52:38H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  That's wild.

• 52:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, cuz it doesn't stick to it.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was just in the bottom then.

• 52:45H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Unless you maybe flick some water in.

• 52:47H. Foley?

  Yeah, you gotta flick some water on that first. Coat it up.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  That's still enough.

• 52:50H. Foley?

  Oh, you meant because it's bad for you?

• 52:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I meant because it's bad for you. It's also, it's like... I don't know, I'm a big pretzel guy.

• 52:58H. Foley?

  I could go with a little more salt on my Cheez-It, to be honest with you. Not on my Goldfish.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I don't, I don't-

• 53:04H. Foley?

  But my Cheez-It, I could use a little hit.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  I don't hate that, but the pretzels I feel are... You're buying the wrong pretzels, and you have many options of pretzels to get here.

• 53:11H. Foley?

  I would say most of the time, pretzels are too fucking salty.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  That's, yeah, I mean, they're well salted.

• 53:16H. Foley?

  You ever catch those rods? They'll fucking suck your eyes in the back here.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  Screaming cold fucking root beer.

• 53:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, you do. Are the Snyder's? That thick, like real, real white salt? Oh, man, that shit's brutal. I end up scraping half of it off. Sometimes on a soft pretzel, too, they do a little too much.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:33H. Foley?

  Not in Philly, but sometimes in the other ones, they go over the top. It's like, what the fuck?

• 53:37Speaker 01

  I watched, I used to get them a lot when I was very broke. I'd get a Diet Coke from the street vendor, and those pretzels stunk.

• 53:44H. Foley?

  Oh, they suck.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Suck, so bad. Especially coming from a pretzel culture.

• 53:48H. Foley?

  Hey, dude, the soft pretzels in New York are whack.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  Um.

• 53:52H. Foley?

  We should open up a soft pretzel place up here.

• 53:54Speaker 01

  You wanna?

• 53:55H. Foley?

  We'd clean up.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  So we don't know how to make pretzels?

• 53:57H. Foley?

  We get some fucking drunk to do it, I don't know.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  That's, that's a good start to the business.

• 54:03H. Foley?

  Some fucking guy.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, fucking Larry Kleinschmidt. What's his name? What's your tree guy's name?

• 54:07H. Foley?

  Tom Cheshetti?

• 54:08Speaker 03

  Tom Cheshetta?

• 54:09H. Foley?

  Tom Cheshetta.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  Tom Cheshetta.

• 54:10H. Foley?

  We can find-

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Find, uh, the, find out if we can open up, uh, what's the requirements for a South, for a Philadelphia pretzel company, uh, just have them, to ship them up every day?

• 54:21H. Foley?

  That's not a bad idea.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  For a franchise, so I think-

• 54:23H. Foley?

  No, I'm not doing South Philly, get our own spot.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  You have them, we have to make the pretzels.

• 54:28H. Foley?

  Well, we'll go down to Philly, we'll get our-

• 54:30Speaker 01

  Doing this every day? You gotta be, you can't be selling day, you're lazy ass, gonna try to be selling day olds in a week. Yeah, I don't wanna sit in traffic.

• 54:38H. Foley?

  Can I finish?

• 54:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:40H. Foley?

  We go down to Philly, we find somebody that knows how to make pretzels, we put the screws to him, and let him know that if he wants things to go nice, he'll do what we ask. We bring him up here, we tell him you're gonna make pretzels for us, get him to make the soft pretzels.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think anything can go wrong with that. Sounds like a, seems like a foolproof plan.

• 55:03H. Foley?

  We find the pretzel maker in Philly and hire him to come up here and make pretzels. We'll open them up, brick and mortar, we'll ship around the country.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  I think I'm out.

• 55:12H. Foley?

  Do holiday pack-

• 55:12Speaker 01

  I'm out.

• 55:13Speaker 03

  I can get you a hundred for a hundred thirty.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  A hundred pretzels for a hundred and thirty bucks?

• 55:18Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 55:18H. Foley?

  So if we, hu- how, what is it?

• 55:21Speaker 03

  Hundred pretzels, hundred thirty dollars.

• 55:23H. Foley?

  Fuck that. They, they can't sell a pretzel for more than a dollar.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  Up here you can.

• 55:27H. Foley?

  For what?

• 55:27Speaker 01

  These fucking yuppies, these tourists, they don't know what's going, this is your problem. You don't understand business at a granular, granu- granular level.

• 55:35H. Foley?

  Get these rubes up here.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  Well, dude, say you're walking down the street, you're from Philly, you're, uh, a heavier man, you indulge in the salty carbohydrates of said soft pretzels? You go, holy shit, you smell and look-

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Like South Philly pretzels. And you pop in there and I go, hey, these pretzels. They're 250 each. Five bucks, two pretzels. What are you doing?

• 56:05H. Foley?

  Three dollars, five for two. Two for five. That's how you do it. I'm fucking deal quarters. Three dollars a pretzel, two for five. Everyone's doing two for five. Two for five, that's 50 times five is $250. I made $120 on the pretzels.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  You gonna take out gas?

• 56:27H. Foley?

  I'll see you around.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Take out gas, take out tolls?

• 56:29H. Foley?

  Gas? Where do I get gas?

• 56:31Speaker 01

  You gotta go down and buy these pretzels.

• 56:32H. Foley?

  I thought this wasn't shipping too?

• 56:35Speaker 03

  Oh, I mean, we can ship these ones.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you can't ship them. You can't be eating, you can't be selling day old pretzels.

• 56:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Yelp will be all over.

• 56:42H. Foley?

  Oh, I agree 100%.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  Two day old pretzels.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Uh, you are a biz-oo.

• 56:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's a good idea in theory, though.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  I think that's a good way to diversify. Open up a fr- see, are they franchising?

• 56:58H. Foley?

  So we do a Philly pretzel company up here?

• 57:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  I'm surprised nobody has.

• 57:02H. Foley?

  It's gotta be one.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  They tried like the cheesesteak places. They don't really last either. It's weird.

• 57:07H. Foley?

  You're trying to do a powerful.

• 57:08Speaker 01

  Friends too high. You can't be selling dollar pretzels. I mean, but the pizza places do it.

• 57:12Speaker 03

  Franchising starts at 150...

• 57:14Speaker 01

  Thousand or pretzels?

• 57:17H. Foley?

  Look, just give us 20 pretzels.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  150,000 it says?

• 57:21Speaker 03

  It starts there. It goes up depending on the store type. Uh, it goes up to like 500.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  Man, I used to remember.

• 57:27H. Foley?

  What store? What, what, what's the 500 one? Is there like slides and shit in there?

• 57:30Speaker 03

  Uh, I bet if you're in a higher market.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably size of the thing too.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  Store, yeah.

• 57:35H. Foley?

  Oh, back to the drawing board.

• 57:36Speaker 01

  I remember eating their hot dog pretzel, like they're big, that, you know.

• 57:40H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  I'd be, I think I was going to Temple Night Classes in Center City.

• 57:44H. Foley?

  The burps on those things are.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Man, they, they sit with you for about 48 hours.

• 57:50H. Foley?

  Ooh, they hold your hand like your grandmother.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Talk about day olds.

• 57:53H. Foley?

  Dude. Phew, it's like hospice, fucking hanging on, brutal.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Um, this is an all-time pro move, this is from Antoody's Bookie, recent $10 sleeper cell recruit here, never had like that, never had one read. Is it garbage to hold on to winning scratchers in case you get jammed up and need a quick 5 to 20 bucks?

• 58:13H. Foley?

  That's really smart.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  That is brilliant.

• 58:16H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  I always go, let's lay it, if you win 10, I go buy an extra 10. But I like this.

• 58:22H. Foley?

  Cause you're not gonna, you're not gonna go and return it unless you really need it. So you're not gonna blow it, you're not gonna spend, if it was 5 and 10 bucks just laying around, that you could grab and go.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:32H. Foley?

  That's really smart.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  That's bril, that's like, fucking, that's like a 401k to me.

• 58:37H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's really good.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  Ah shit, 20 bucks, oh here you go, let me go pop across the street, cash this, you got 20.

• 58:43H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 58:45H. Foley?

  Man, that is like, that's protecting you from yourself. That's what that is.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  Not bad.

• 58:52H. Foley?

  Right?

• 58:52Speaker 01

  Not bad.

• 58:55H. Foley?

  Cause you know it takes a lot to get my fat ass off the couch.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 58:59H. Foley?

  Know what I'm saying?

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Uh huh, well alright.

• 59:00H. Foley?

  You with me on this?

• 59:01Speaker 01

  I'm with you, big dog. She, I smoke some of them.

• 59:03H. Foley?

  500 grand for fucking pretzels? Yeah, right.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Um, alright, let's see, this is from the Jersey Bull, lot to unpack here, $10 handjob, never had one read. This is a three-parter.

• 59:14H. Foley?

  Wow, alright.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  Is it garbage if your stepmom was your neighbor growing up? Okay, listening, I'm ready for part two.

• 59:24H. Foley?

  Hey man, people fall in love.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  Is it more trashy if your dad and that whore got married on Halloween, which is my favorite holiday?

• 59:35Speaker 01

  This guy, this guy is holding the grudges.

• 59:40H. Foley?

  I didn't know he stood until just now.

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Is it even more trashy that I went as a drag queen? Wait. You're very upset. And I get that. I'm not here to tell you you can't be upset and call her whatever word you want to call her.

• 59:56H. Foley?

  I respect it.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  That's that. I don't know what happened. I don't know what then.

• 59:59H. Foley?

  She ruined your Halloween.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  She stepped out, you know, whatever. Your family got fractured for whatever reasons. You're not happy about it. I get that.

• 1:00:06H. Foley?

  Listen, I hear this.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  A Halloween wedding is wild.

• 1:00:10H. Foley?

  Neighbor's stepmom getting married on Halloween. That's freak shit.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  I've never.

• 1:00:14H. Foley?

  Freaky deaky.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  I've never heard of.

• 1:00:17H. Foley?

  If you're into Halloween and you like dressing up doing the weird, I'm with it.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  I'm, I get it. I've never heard of that. A Halloween wedding where everybody dresses up?

• 1:00:26H. Foley?

  Jeresh.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  That's dirtbag level.

• 1:00:29H. Foley?

  And he stuck it to him.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  There's also just a guy in a mask. He's saying, I'll just wear the mask, like no real outfit. I'll just do the mask. Got the screen mask on top of it.

• 1:00:37H. Foley?

  Well, my, I'm a guy getting back from work. That's who I am.

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  About to be better hors d'oeuvres, eating eyeballs and stuff, olives.

• 1:00:45H. Foley?

  How do you feel?

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  It's all spooky food.

• 1:00:47H. Foley?

  How do you feel about that?

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Fuck that.

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  My buddy makes a meatloaf foot every year.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  That's, I mean, what are we doing? He's got kids? He better have kids. Tell me he's got kids. No? That's fucked up.

• 1:00:58H. Foley?

  With onion toenails.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  Uh, that would be your crew though.

• 1:01:02Speaker 01

  That is your crew. That's your squad, dude. Your onion toenail crew. That's who you are. That's a weak crew.

• 1:01:09H. Foley?

  Nah, it's delicious.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Is this buddy at the table?

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Um, I, uh, that's.

• 1:01:21H. Foley?

  I like Halloween cupcakes with the orange icing.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, whatever. Yeah.

• 1:01:25H. Foley?

  But I don't get it for all that other goofy shit.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  I remember we had one at our elementary school, like a haunted house in the gym. And I was part of it. They painted like, uh, walls, like fake walls with like cardboard and.

• 1:01:36H. Foley?

  How many kids are just scared?

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  With painting, I said a lot. And I got big eye, I had big bug eyes too back then. And I was behind the, behind the painting with my eyes following the people. I mean, these are like five, six year eyes. And I had a spotlight under my eyes freaking them out. I'm a pretty good actor myself.

• 1:01:52H. Foley?

  How old were you?

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  Uh, eight, nine.

• 1:01:54H. Foley?

  Wait, why are you doing it to little kids?

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  I was working, I was working the goddamn program.

• 1:01:57H. Foley?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  Our teacher said, do you want to do it? You got big bug eyes. I said, listen here, bitch. Yeah, I'll do it.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  But then there was-

• 1:02:07H. Foley?

  Man, talking-

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  They had the kitchen too, like the ki- where they had spooky food and man, those olive eyeballs. You had to like, put your hand in there and like, reach for some. I said, "You're fucking out, you're... Gosh darn mine."

• 1:02:21H. Foley?

  Two words, Kit Kat, please.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:26H. Foley?

  Oh man.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  I was like, "No fucking-"

• 1:02:28H. Foley?

  That means your teacher thought you were weird looking.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:02:31H. Foley?

  They weren't asking a good look- no, they were asking me to do that.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:02:41H. Foley?

  I didn't get picked for double there though.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, why's that?

• 1:02:44H. Foley?

  Cause I wasn't-

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  You shit in your pants? Hey sir. Sir, I'm pretty sure some-

• 1:02:49H. Foley?

  Call me sir.

• 1:02:52H. Foley?

  That's the ultimate insult, calling a little kid sir.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Guy walks out, there's a line up, he's got a clipboard. Excuse me.

• 1:03:05H. Foley?

  Calling a little kid sir is great. Excuse me, sir.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  You didn't make it and I'm pretty sure you shit yourself. Pretty sure there's fecal matter in your underwear.

• 1:03:19H. Foley?

  Nah, they didn't pick me, they didn't think I was good looking enough for TV. Fucking bullshit Nickelodeon.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, what did they ever go on to do?

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, we gotta wrap it up, holy shit.

• 1:03:30H. Foley?

  Hey, my buddy Steve won the whole thing. He's down here in Florida.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Making meatloaf toes. Your crew stinks, Steve. Your crew absolutely stinks. And you know it.

• 1:03:43H. Foley?

  I'm sitting in the studio audience like the rest of the losers.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Fucking shit in my pants.

• 1:03:50H. Foley?

  Gang, do yourself a favor, grab some tickets for that Philly show. December 13th, come out and see us at the Metropolitan Theater. We love you to death and we'll see you next week. Peace.