#170 - The Kid Mero

The Kid Mero joins the pod to discuss hosting Mornings with Mero on Hot97, how he now has to wake up at 3:30am for the new gig, his podcast Victory Light, Albanians, witnessing his Dominican dad live his best life and get mani-pedis in retirement, getting kicked out of Catholic school, and much more. Mero and Stav help callers including a woman who thinks her husband is sus for asking for a special move in bed, and a guy who can’t get over how his uncle tried stealing the inheritance that his father left for him years ago. Subscribe to Victory Light with The Kid Mero on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/VictoryLight Follow The Kid Mero on social media: https://www.instagram.com/thekidmero https://www.youtube.com/@accordingtothekid https://bsky.app/profile/thekidmero.bsky.social https://www.tiktok.com/@thekidmero https://www.threads.com/@thekidmero Thanks to our sponsors!! Ziprecruiter - try it free at https://www.ziprecruiter.com/stavvy Visible - https://www.visible.com/catfished switch now! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart Salsa with Flavors. White Claw Salsa Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.

• 0:40Stavros Halkias?

  Opa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-Stavi. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. Very happy to have on the couch our boy, the Kid Mero. How we doing, bro? Thanks for coming, man, yeah. Bro, I've been trying to come out here for a minute. Fuck, dude. Eldis has been screening your emails, dude.

• 1:03Stavros Halkias?

  The second I heard about it, I was like, yeah, let's get him on. So this fucking... That's the problem when your gatekeeper is your dumb friend. When your talent booker is truly your dumbest... I mean, one of the dumbest guys I know controls so much of my life and career. It's fucking scary, dude. I was very smart. I was very smart and also racist. I was like, yo, you know what I need? A very intelligent Asian man. Smart, dude. Sometimes, you know, get in there. The man, Trey, goddammit. The freaky man. Shit, Eldis, you hear that? You're about to get fucking... You're about to get replaced. Hey, come on.

• 1:35Speaker 03

  You're about to get replaced by a Vietnamese guy. No disrespect to the Asians. But they can't do what this savant Albanian brain does.

• 1:45Stavros Halkias?

  Bro, you open up a pizzeria in the Bronx, bro?

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:49Stavros Halkias?

  You be straight.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  I'm just trying to raise seed money for my Greek slash pizza place that I'm planning on.

• 1:54Stavros Halkias?

  That is a classic Albanian move. Every Greek restaurant is run by Albanians. 100%. They come in, they steal our trade secrets.

• 2:03Stavros Halkias?

  And then they start, they open up. Yeah, it is, it is very funny. Uh, I'm sure, I can't even, it makes me sick to my stomach to think about who else we're not getting on the podcast. Because Eldis is not looking at his fucking emails. It's if I look at his, if I look at, he probably doesn't even log, I get, I get emails from him from his personal account all the time. We have a business account. I, everyone's got the stavi.biz. He's got Eldis and stavi.biz. I have not received an email from Eldis and stavi.biz for years at this point. He probably doesn't even know the fucking password.

• 2:36Speaker 04

  He's scared to tell you. He's like, yo, listen, we've been homies for a long time.

• 2:40Stavros Halkias?

  He doesn't know how to reset it either?

• 2:41Speaker 04

  I don't know. They keep sending the code to a phone. I don't, that's not mine.

• 2:46Stavros Halkias?

  Somebody else is getting the code. I've been too embarrassed to ask.

• 2:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's really shit.

• 2:53Stavros Halkias?

  He's not laughing hard enough. And so I know part of this is true.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  That's my professional screening email. That's the first line of defense. Send the moves over to the personal.

• 3:04Speaker 04

  Bro, I actually, I asked him how many times. I'm like, yo, what's the password to this, to the business email again?

• 3:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  It's like, dog, it's in a Google Doc. We all have it.

• 3:12Stavros Halkias?

  If Eldis was the keeper of the passwords, we'd all be fucked.

• 3:15Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 3:16Stavros Halkias?

  Luckily, we do have a system, a four-pronged system. I have, I have, I literally hired three of my best friends and, you know, between all of them, they're one good employee.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  That's what you do.

• 3:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's how it goes.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  I had like a night that took like five hours one time. I got my new phone where I was like texting Ben. I was like, do you know the TikTok password? I was like, hey, look out for this code. I think it's coming to your phone.

• 3:38Stavros Halkias?

  So literally what you're joking about is how this business is run.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  Yo, listen, it happens to me all the time, except my, it's with my child who is 10 years old.

• 3:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I bet your kid would be almost as good as Eldis. They would have, they would definitely understand technology much better.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  My son is, he'd be freaking it up here with a bad lisp, you know what I'm saying? Reading below grade level, but I love you, baby.

• 4:02Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to him. You'll fix that lisp up any day now, buddy.

• 4:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's definitely gonna watch this shit too, because he watches everything that he's not supposed to watch. Shout out to Avery.

• 4:11Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to Avery. Yeah, I mean, the problem with, and we'll, we'll get to you, but let's keep shitting on Eldis here for a little bit. The problem with Eldis is that I don't, so you're from the Bronx, you know, you're, you deal with the, you, who you know, the Albanians you know.

• 4:23Speaker 04

  Salt of the earth.

• 4:27Stavros Halkias?

  Which feels like an Australian racial slur.

• 4:29Speaker 05

  It's a low game. I don't know if it is.

• 4:31Stavros Halkias?

  Let's bleep it out to be, the L is doing, that's a load bearing L. If we lose that L, we're both really fucked, actually. So everyone, let's just spell that out. A L B O, okay?

• 4:45Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? Cause the crazy shit is like that, like they would, like I hung out, there's a big Albanian population in the Bronx.

• 4:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 4:53Speaker 05

  Shout out to Pullman Park, Ray Lydigav.

• 4:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 4:55Speaker 05

  You know, dudes named Lizar, shit like Daedash, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, but they, they in the mix, you know what I mean? Like they're in the, blending, not always say blending in, but like part of, they more, I said this off mic, they're more Latino than the Puerto Rican Italian hybrids, you know what I'm saying?

• 5:13Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 5:13Speaker 05

  They be doing Spanish.

• 5:14Stavros Halkias?

  If you cut Puerto Rican with anything, Albanian is over, Bronx Albanian overtakes them.

• 5:19Speaker 05

  A hundred percent.

• 5:20Stavros Halkias?

  And the point I'm trying to make is that Eldis is absolutely not that at all. His family came, they were, they actually came through Greece, they were refugees in Greece, came straight to Baltimore. His family took up, not only did he not, they took him out of the Albanian community in Baltimore. So he's a, he's like a, he's like, if he, he's like, he basically grew up in essentially a zoo.

• 5:40Speaker 05

  Oh shit.

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  He's not a free range Albanian.

• 5:43Speaker 05

  Free range Albanian?

• 5:44Stavros Halkias?

  He's not, he's not like, no, no, he's not, not grass fed. Eldis, Eldis is like, you know when like a fox gets domesticated and like pisses everywhere and it's excited? It's not wild anymore.

• 5:55Speaker 05

  That's all that filo does.

• 5:57Stavros Halkias?

  The real, real Albanians, I should have gone for, they, they at least, they're bringing something to the table. They're bringing that Albanian resourcefulness to the table. Eldis has none of that. Eldis read, Eldis was reading French literature in high school.

• 6:09Speaker 05

  I'm not outside like the Bronx Albanian sadly.

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  Not outside, inside, reading Madame Bovary, next to his grandmother, who was knitting.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  That's the kind of Albanian we're dealing with.

• 6:21Stavros Halkias?

  No firearms, no multiple families. His more Albanian friend tried to show him firearms and he got scared, in fact.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  Come on, he didn't get scared.

• 6:33Stavros Halkias?

  What are we doing? What are we doing? Are you throwing this up?

• 6:38Stavros Halkias?

  That illegal is awesome. Albanian symbolism is, they have a lot of good stuff. That flag is. The flag is incredible. It's crazy too, yeah, yeah. It goes crazy. It's kind of like, it's kind of like takes all the, you know, we're in a time where we can't really, like in the 90s and 2000s, you could almost do backhanded compliments to like Nazi style. Oh, yeah. You could be like, listen, the uniforms were good, the colors. The other stuff, that was. All bad. Now we can't even do that, unfortunately. They've taken us to even, you know. We can't even talk about dusters. They're bad, yeah. Yes, absolutely. Even the, they've kind of hurt the Matrix rewatch now, because you're like. I'm watching, I'm like, ah, damn. Thank God there's no red accents, because that would really be dumb. Thank God it's all black.

• 7:22Stavros Halkias?

  The two albino twins fuck me up now, I'm like, oh. That's a good point. Are y'all the perfect? Are y'all the final? Is this commentary, is this commentary? But the Albanian flag kind of has that vibe with none of the supremacy. Yeah. You know? It looks like, like something blood related. Yes, yeah, yeah. It looks like an offshoot of the Bloods. Yeah, you know what I mean? The white Muslim Bloods, you know, would have a double, which exists, and I think that's how, that is what Albanians are, pretty much. White Muslim Bloods, baby, you know what I'm saying? In the Bronx, all day.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  There's some, there's some mountain tribalism going on. I think you can see that in the flag.

• 8:01Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 8:01Speaker 03

  There's the blood oaths that they still, you know, uphold in parts of the north.

• 8:05Stavros Halkias?

  And Parliament. That's how they, that's how they get fucking laws passed, is that they have to take blood oaths, probably. Their Parliament is just them smoking Parliament. Yeah, they don't have C-SPAN because it's so cloudy in there from all the smoke. That's how, that's Albanian fucking, the legislative body. Actually, they have, we have to cover them on Kush Brothers, actually. We do a news program, Kush Brothers, where we smoke weed and go over the news. And there's a lot of good Albanian stuff we have to get into, but that's a little tease for an episode that might have already aired, because of the way we do business here. Listen, if you ever need a guest to come smoke weed and watch news with you, holler at me. Do not listen to Mira, we will take you up on that.

• 8:47Stavros Halkias?

  Don't. Careful what you say, bro.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  What are you doing right after this podcast?

• 8:53Stavros Halkias?

  We're trying to book this month's Kush Brothers right now, actually, so careful.

• 9:00Stavros Halkias?

  Four hour. Oh, sorry, honey. Sorry.

• 9:03Speaker 05

  Sorry, I missed ourselves basketball game. And he was waiting outside in the snow in shorts. I had to get high with Snobros. And watch, uh, the fall of, of Tenerife. Oh, fucking YouTube.

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck, dude. But anyway, so that's enough. We, we started a strong Albanian up top, uh, which I'm, I am sure you did. Yeah. I mean, in the Bronx, that is, they're, they're, they're out and about.

• 9:29Speaker 05

  They got a foothold.

• 9:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  They got a foothold.

• 9:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:33Speaker 05

  They got enclaves.

• 9:34Stavros Halkias?

  They got, they got plenty of enclaves. How's it going, man? You're the congratulations on the morning show now? That's fucking huge. That was, when that announcement got through, I was like, that's perfect.

• 9:43Speaker 05

  Yo.

• 9:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's so good.

• 9:45Speaker 05

  Thank you, man. Cause a lot of people said that. And I, I, I agree. You know what I'm saying? Not cause I'm, not cause I'm feeling myself, but because much like the Kush Brothers, I was in the back of a car getting high, listening to Funkmaster Flex.

• 9:56Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 9:57Speaker 05

  Memorized the phone number, like made, lied and told people that that was my phone number when I had to give out a fake phone number. Like, yo, seven one eight. I would just change the one eight hundred to seven eight. Yo, seven one eight. Two, two, three, nine, seven, nine, seven. Yo, just call me up, call me up.

• 10:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's me.

• 10:11Speaker 05

  But yeah, nah, but and now doing it, I'm like, oh shit, this is ill. Except my circadian rhythm is fucked up.

• 10:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I was gonna say, it's kind of the thing of like, you're having a dream and then getting it and you're like, this is a fucking real job.

• 10:22Speaker 05

  This is a, yeah, I gotta.

• 10:23Stavros Halkias?

  It's a real ass job.

• 10:24Speaker 05

  I gotta fill out health insurance forms?

• 10:26Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you, cause you, no disrespect, you come from the same podcasting trenches and this is barely a job.

• 10:32Speaker 05

  Yo.

• 10:34Stavros Halkias?

  This is nothing. The fact that this is the most lucrative monetary form of entertainment. And it's the easiest, dumbest one. It's the one people like the most.

• 10:45Speaker 05

  It bugs me the fuck out.

• 10:46Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I feel the same way where I, I've been, I've done cooler shit, like stuff that I dreamed, you know, being in movies, doing all this shit. And it's so much more work for way less pay. And so I'm like, is that? What it feels like to get to be, cause the right, now you have an actual job now. You have like a.

• 11:01Speaker 05

  I gotta show up.

• 11:02Stavros Halkias?

  Show up.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  I'm not saying.

• 11:03Stavros Halkias?

  People are expecting you, like having to talk all fucking morning. I have to talk for fucking two hours and I'm like, oh.

• 11:10Speaker 05

  But you know what's crazy? I'm like, yo, this is like low, like low key easier than podcasting, cause there's, there's breaks.

• 11:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:17Speaker 05

  So like when, you know.

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 11:18Speaker 05

  We're just, we're just vibing.

• 11:19Stavros Halkias?

  We're on, folks.

• 11:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, we're fucking on.

• 11:22Stavros Halkias?

  The energetic levels are out of control.

• 11:25Speaker 05

  You see it, like we're, we're dynamo's. Out here, you know what I'm saying?

• 11:29Stavros Halkias?

  And you do ever fast forward forty five minutes and we're like, yeah, I mean, I don't fucking know.

• 11:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, so like, yeah, usually, usually you're barefoot, bro, so. Can I see your toes?

• 11:42Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, it's definitely a different rhythm for sure.

• 11:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, but you know, it, it's, I'm having fun with it, you know, like this, you know, obviously there's guardrails. I can't be up there like, yo, this motherfucker smells crazy.

• 11:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 11:52Speaker 05

  Or whatever, but you know, I got the, I got the dials. Yeah, you know.

• 11:56Stavros Halkias?

  You get pretty close to that.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  I know, you, I know, you know, cause you've done TV and shit like that where it's like, you kind of, kind of turn it up and turn it down a little bit. Like you can't go full Stavi, I can't go full Mero all the time.

• 12:05Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 12:06Speaker 05

  But you know, you give me taste.

• 12:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's, so what, so what time do you have to fucking wake up? Like that's, that's just for morning radio, that's gotta be like.

• 12:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I'm in Jersey now, so it's like three forty five AM.

• 12:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's the wake up or that's the?

• 12:19Speaker 05

  That's like the wake up, like alarm, that's when my alarm goes off to be like, yo, you got fifteen minutes, motherfucker.

• 12:24Stavros Halkias?

  Tough.

• 12:25Speaker 05

  To like get those last three farts out.

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  When I have to do that for a flight, I'm pissed off. Your life is a three, your life, the alarm starts at three?

• 12:33Speaker 05

  Yo, but then it's.

• 12:36Speaker 05

  But yo.

• 12:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's gotta be demoralizing, putting, typing three.

• 12:40Speaker 05

  I don't even type it, I'm like, yo, set an alarm for two forty five. I say mad low too, I'm just like.

• 12:47Speaker 05

  And I turn the volume all the way down, so when it repeats, it's like, I set an alarm for three forty five AM. I'm like, nah, I don't want to hear that shit, nigga, turn this shit off.

• 12:54Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck dude.

• 12:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, but yeah, fuck it.

• 12:56Stavros Halkias?

  Still, that's awesome, yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Three forty five, goddamn, and then, and you're done, what time is your work day over?

• 13:02Speaker 05

  Typically like nine before ten, cause we record the last like. Couple like ten minutes or whatever is like pre-recorded and then that shit just goes. So like I could get out of it by like nine forty-five if I wanted to. Which is crazy because everybody was telling me like, yo, yo, you're gonna have the whole day ahead of you. And I'm like, man, do you know that I'm a fucking degenerate weed head, bro?

• 13:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 13:21Speaker 05

  I don't want the whole day ahead of me. I don't want, I wanna wake up at eleven.

• 13:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:25Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? And then have that day ahead of me.

• 13:27Stavros Halkias?

  Prime to go, ready to go.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, like what the fuck?

• 13:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:29Speaker 05

  Like, nah, dog, I wanna take a nap. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to like a massage parlor and shit just to use the shower.

• 13:34Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Please stop trying to jerk me off.

• 13:38Speaker 05

  Dog, I don't want that.

• 13:39Stavros Halkias?

  I'm here for a shower.

• 13:41Speaker 05

  I'm just here for a shower. Why do you keep tickling my balls?

• 13:43Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't check table shower. I checked regular shower.

• 13:48Speaker 05

  Why are you tickling my balls so much? So they're not sore. I'm good.

• 13:55Stavros Halkias?

  I would love a non-sexual sponge bath.

• 13:58Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 13:58Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 13:59Speaker 05

  That'd be tremendous.

• 14:00Stavros Halkias?

  It's would be, it would feel nice to get bathed. Like my, my, my brother had a kid and I look into the baby's life and I'm so jealous of every aspect.

• 14:08Speaker 05

  Yo.

• 14:08Stavros Halkias?

  Just getting bathed is awesome, dude.

• 14:11Speaker 05

  Bro, listen, a baby's-

• 14:12Stavros Halkias?

  Just fucking, he's laying there in a warm ass bath.

• 14:15Speaker 05

  Bro.

• 14:15Stavros Halkias?

  People completely bathing him and then carrying him to bed.

• 14:18Speaker 05

  Fam.

• 14:19Stavros Halkias?

  A giant woman who you love.

• 14:21Speaker 05

  A giant woman who you love.

• 14:22Stavros Halkias?

  Takes care of you.

• 14:22Speaker 05

  And then you get to suck on her titty.

• 14:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, right.

• 14:24Speaker 05

  Fucking half the day.

• 14:25Stavros Halkias?

  And it's, and you, and you're free of disgusting sexual urges. You're free of them. You're a beautiful, innocent baby.

• 14:32Speaker 05

  Innocent baby.

• 14:32Stavros Halkias?

  Who's enjoying the platonic ideal of titties.

• 14:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:35Stavros Halkias?

  And of getting your little nuts cleaned. It's not sexual.

• 14:41Stavros Halkias?

  You're holding your fucking feet. You're so flexible. You're sucking on your toes while your little nuts are getting cleaned.

• 14:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, thank you so much.

• 14:47Stavros Halkias?

  I would love that, dude. I would need a lot of hot, I would like a lot, years of hot yoga just to be able to get back into that position. And yeah, and then like I would need to master my, I would need to be chemically castrated.

• 14:59Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 14:59Stavros Halkias?

  To not get horny if somebody bathed me.

• 15:01Speaker 05

  Doug, I was telling the story how I went to a pediatrician at like twelve and just being like a fucking horny twelve-year-old. Like getting a physical.

• 15:09Stavros Halkias?

  Twelve is really the line for sure.

• 15:11Speaker 05

  And then just like, you know, getting the full physical and shit, they touching my nuts and I'm like, pew.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  And then it was the one time my dad took me, not my mom. So my dad, and he talking in Spanish because he's actually Dominican. And bro was just like, oh, it's very troncoso. And I was like, troncoso? I was like, what the fuck is troncoso? I mean, troncoso in Spanish for that, that don't know means girthy. So I had a hog at 12.

• 15:37Stavros Halkias?

  Tip your cap to that doctor being a pro.

• 15:38Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying?

• 15:39Stavros Halkias?

  I thought Dominican doctors just immediately like takes your dad and is like, we have bad news. Your son's gay. But no, he's a pro. He's just diagnosing you with a thick hog for a 12 year old. Your dad comes out crying. He's like, we have to move. We have to go to starting a new life in a new town.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  His cock is too big. We gotta go somewhere. People are gonna find out.

• 16:05Stavros Halkias?

  Troncoso is awesome. It's a great, that's just great parlance to throw into your, you know?

• 16:11Speaker 04

  I'm gonna name a child that.

• 16:12Stavros Halkias?

  Hogged out, it is not, you know, no disrespect, it's nuts to get hard when your male doctor touches your nuts.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Bro, it was just involuntary. It was just like that. Cause you know, at 12 years old, bro, like you see like something that looks like a titty.

• 16:25Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 16:25Speaker 04

  You see a donut with like a cherry on top or something. You're like, oh, that looks like a titty.

• 16:28Stavros Halkias?

  You're primed and ready to go.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  Immediate.

• 16:30Stavros Halkias?

  The doctor always made me nervous. Now, if it was a, you know, again, not to, not to hit you with, you know, but if it was like a sexy nurse, I was always worried about getting hard.

• 16:40Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:40Stavros Halkias?

  And that never happened. And one time I went to like the, uh, like the dick, the urologist. And I had like this old dude and I was like, all right, this is perfect. I want some old guy looking at my dick. And then there was a young woman trainee.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  Oh, she's just standing there looking at you?

• 16:57Stavros Halkias?

  And so I'm like, so I think I'm ready to go. I think, great, old guy is gonna look at my little ass dick. I'm fine. No doctors ever use the term troncoso when it comes to, when it comes to my dick. What's the opposite of troncoso? What's narrow? What's, what's? Well, I don't know. If we need pequeñ and ito, I don't know. We need both diminutives. I know enough, I know enough Spanish to know I've been double insulted in my own home. Pequeñito, give me fucking pequeño, fine, but don't throw the, don't throw the fucking ito on there too, dude.

• 17:34Speaker 05

  It might have been cold.

• 17:36Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, well.

• 17:37Speaker 05

  They used to be on blast in the offices.

• 17:38Stavros Halkias?

  It was, but dude, it was like, so I'm like, alright. I go from having no worries at all to seeing this woman and getting like nervous and scared. So now my dick goes inside my body. Basically like, there's a little, you know, the head is just peeking out and she's like, she had to like push my fat rolls to get to my dick.

• 18:00Speaker 05

  No, stop!

• 18:01Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm like, oh fuck, I hope this guy is gonna touch my dick. And then he's like, okay. And then I see, I see gloves come out and I see her put the gloves on and I'm getting nervous. And I'm like, oh fuck. And he's like, alright. And so I have to show, first I show them my little ass dick. And then she's poking, and not only am I not hard, but my dick might, that might be the smallest my dick has ever been in my life. And she's like shoving my fucking fat back to look at my fucking little ass dick.

• 18:24Speaker 05

  Hey man.

• 18:24Stavros Halkias?

  You know? It was tough, man, tough stuff.

• 18:26Speaker 05

  Dog, listen.

• 18:27Stavros Halkias?

  And she wasn't that hot, but it was still just a young woman. And I'm, and by the way, I'm like, this is not being a kid. I'm at the urologist.

• 18:36Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, nah, once you said urologist, I was like, yeah.

• 18:38Stavros Halkias?

  I'm in, I'm in college because I'm like pissing too much. So I'm like, so like women have touched my dick at this point, but this is the most embar, this is bar none the most embarrassing of my, you know, situation in my life.

• 18:49Speaker 05

  So, again, like to your point, like I'm not trying to have, I'm not trying to be in that situation. Even though, you know what I'm saying, we throw a cold over here. I don't care, I don't care that I'm throwing cold, so like, I don't want you, I don't know if I like, my nuts smell funny to you, or like if they have, they're not shaved correctly. Or like, I don't want no lady looking at my dick, that's a doctor. So I, I'm with the dudes, I throw my back out on like Christmas Eve one year. And I end up in the ER, my sister, shout out to Ingrid, she drove me to the ER. A doctor, a young, young Italian doctor with a Wu-Tang tattoo.

• 19:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's tough. That's doctors with fucking media tattoos?

• 19:27Speaker 05

  He had a fucking big ass Wu-Tang tattoo on his butt. And it's like peeking out through the scrubs. And I'm just like, ah shit. I was like, yo, he's like, so where do you feel the pain or whatever? I was like, yo, here, here. I was like, yo, I was like, it, it, it feels like somebody's squeezing my balls. Like that's how much it hurts. And he was just like, alright, he's like, well, you know, like drop your pants, whatever. And I was just like, fuck. I was like, and I'm just like, he's just like playing my balls and shit like.

• 19:50Stavros Halkias?

  How about this?

• 19:52Speaker 05

  How does that feel? How does that feel? How does that feel? How's that feel? And I'm like, yo, this feels crazy. Like, like this.

• 19:57Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 19:58Speaker 05

  And I'm hearing like the Thirty Six Chambers beat in my head.

• 20:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. That's tough. That'll soil some of your favorite music.

• 20:05Speaker 05

  Yo, what? I can't listen to Triumph no more, bro. I can't.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  My dick ain't nothing to fuck with, bro, please.

• 20:12Stavros Halkias?

  And was there, did it affect your back pain when he touched your hips?

• 20:16Speaker 05

  Like, so, when he was like, yo, does this hurt? And I was, ah. And he's like, okay, cool. I can stop touching your dick. I was like, all right, please. We're done here, Antonio.

• 20:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:26Speaker 05

  It's karamoche.

• 20:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, dude, damn, how bad was your back? I'm, I'm, right now, I'm sitting on a heat pack because I fucked my back up.

• 20:35Speaker 05

  Oh, bro. So yesterday, I fucked my shit up again.

• 20:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 20:38Speaker 05

  So like, I'm, I'm like a, I'm like a walking injury, bro. Like, I don't know what it is about my life that after I've had kids, I'm mad injury prone. Like, I did my whole twenties, bro. I was doing graffiti.

• 20:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:48Speaker 05

  Jumping off of shit, fighting.

• 20:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:50Speaker 05

  Getting into fucking Michael Jackson video, knife fights, stupid, just like most dumb shit ever.

• 20:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:56Speaker 05

  Escaped all of that shit without injury. Like, real, real, real injury.

• 20:59Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 21:00Speaker 05

  Now, I'm fucking like putting up a pull-up bar in my kid's doorway, and I'm like, let me test it out. Blow, I fall on my neck, and I got like herniated discs and shit. I got hit by a car when I was like twenty. And I fucked my back all the way up. So I got herniated discs, all that bullshit. And then yesterday, I'm at the station, and then Rolling Stone is like, yo, we want to do like a profile. Let's take some pictures. Yo, let's do an action shot. Yo, can you like jump onto this couch? Like, just like kind of fall onto the couch? So I do that, and like there's like a metal bar in between. That hits me like right there, like, pow, like. So it's on my heating pads. I was on that bitch yesterday like this, like, ah.

• 21:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 21:35Speaker 05

  Like, it was like, yo, like, yo, my demences is coming down. Like, I need it. Nasty work, bro. But yeah, now washed, fully washed.

• 21:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Nah, it's tough to, like, I, so I'm trying to lose weight, right? And it's like, it's, I'm thirty-six, about to turn thirty-seven. And so, I'm like, all right. I keep going to the doctor and keep waiting. Basically, every year of my life, I keep being like. Go to the doctor and be like, alright, this is the year I have diabetes.

• 21:59Speaker 05

  Yo, yo.

• 22:00Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I've been fat my whole life.

• 22:01Speaker 05

  Fam.

• 22:02Stavros Halkias?

  And so I keep wait, I remember, remember when I was like 22 and we had, I was positive on diabetes? And we went and got like cheese steaks, pizza and ice cream. I literally remember being 22 and having a

• 22:14Speaker 05

  My last meal.

• 22:14Stavros Halkias?

  Last meal, cause I'm about to be diagnosed with diabetes. Me, like, shout out to Pasta Mista in Canton. They used to have a great focaccia cheesesteak. You let the, you let it sit for 10 minutes and the juices are in the But they, they don't make it anymore, I believe. I tried to get the focaccia. I believe it's been discontinued.

• 22:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, Goldbelly gotta

• 22:33Stavros Halkias?

  Prove me wrong Pasta Mista, if you know, if somebody's listening, let me know the focaccia's still there.

• 22:38Speaker 05

  Send me that shit.

• 22:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's fuck, it was awesome. But, but so I keep waiting and be like, blood pressure, cholesterol, I've somehow dodged all that. And I thought, oh, I'll just lose weight and I'll be fine. It turns out I've just been fucking up my back. And like, I have fucking, my discs are all fucked. Like now, this has been a saga for me where it's like, and the fucked up thing is, I fucked my back up working out. And it's like, that feels like it shouldn't be allowed. I'm trying to not be fat.

• 23:06Speaker 05

  Dog, when I got

• 23:07Stavros Halkias?

  I'm trying.

• 23:07Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 23:08Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck you got? Why did you do this to me, man?

• 23:11Speaker 05

  Why would you do this?

• 23:12Stavros Halkias?

  I'm trying to not be fat and now I'm like, and now all I can do is fuck, I'm reclining, I'm doing podcasts like this, dude? I have to be in an ergonomic chair doing podcasts, you know how fucking pathetic this is?

• 23:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude. I need a chase to do this podcast here, bro.

• 23:26Stavros Halkias?

  Can we take a break? Elders has to fucking do some lymphatic work on me. Elders has to fucking rub me down halfway.

• 23:32Speaker 05

  The roller.

• 23:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:36Stavros Halkias?

  We just keep going through, that's how much I respect podcasting.

• 23:39Speaker 05

  Just get on Monjaro, nigga. That's God, like from the heavens.

• 23:42Stavros Halkias?

  I'm on the shots.

• 23:45Speaker 05

  Cause I went, cause I was at, I was like, I was, I always been big too, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I was skinny until I met my wife and then I ballooned.

• 23:53Stavros Halkias?

  You were a skinny youth?

• 23:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, like skinny youth, jumping at the gym, all that shit, like all the, the albundy shit.

• 23:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 05

  Man, y'all niggas wasn't dunking like me, man. I was on the side, bro. I was, I was coming, I was cocking it back from here, like, all I had to do was run up to court and go like this.

• 24:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:08Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? And now I'm like, bro, I can't jump over a fucking phone book.

• 24:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 05

  So, um, I went to the doctor and I was just like, bro, I'm, I'm I got sleep apnea.

• 24:17Stavros Halkias?

  Mm hmm. Check. Me too.

• 24:18Speaker 05

  I'm like, this shit is all fucked up. I was like, I know my mother in law has it.

• 24:21Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis has it and pretends he doesn't.

• 24:23Speaker 05

  Ah, see?

• 24:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:24Speaker 05

  So I was in, I was in Vegas for some shit and they fucked my room up and they booked me and my manager in the same room. And he was like, man, fuck it. We're just here for like two days, bro. Let's fuck it out. And I was like, all right, cool. And then on the first night.

• 24:36Stavros Halkias?

  Do that, by the way, Eldis. You're never sleeping in the same room.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Plenty of room on a big king bed.

• 24:41Stavros Halkias?

  I guess in Indianapolis where that Airbnb, the walls were fucking.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  Oh, that was too bad. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:47Stavros Halkias?

  But we had an Airbnb and it was like, we, it was like, oh, we each have beds, other side. We'll do that sometimes. But this had no, the ceilings were like open, because I guess it was an illegal Airbnb.

• 24:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:57Stavros Halkias?

  And you could just fucking hear everything going on in everyone's fucking room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  I had to run to my bedroom because Stav was about to get his dick sucked.

• 25:04Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, all right. Eldis has definitely been banished to the servant's quarters. Well, I've been entertaining many times.

• 25:11Speaker 03

  A couple of waters for the night and a couple of yogurts and bananas.

• 25:14Speaker 05

  This is CVS, half a mile down the road. We need some Gator Light.

• 25:21Stavros Halkias?

  Need to be replenished.

• 25:23Speaker 05

  We're not in a sleep apnea shit.

• 25:24Stavros Halkias?

  So you, you guys were sharing a room?

• 25:26Speaker 05

  We're sharing a room and he's just like, yo, Doug, the next morning, like we, you know, we're having coffee or whatever. He's just like, yo fam, he's like, you should go to the doctor.

• 25:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 25:34Speaker 05

  I was like, for what? He's like, yo fam, he's like, Doug, he's a motherfucker. Like last night, you were like snoring like a, like I woke up. Cause you were snoring so crazy. Like, I thought it was like a machine going off. Like you were snoring so crazy. Then you just stopped breathing. So then he's like, I got up and when I went to go like shake you, you went like and started breathing again. So I was like, all right, he's good.

• 25:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:57Speaker 05

  But then it's like, all right. So then I went to the doctor, I told the doctor that and they were like, yo fam, did the blood work, whatever. And my A1C levels was like high. And he was just like, all right, bro, we gotta get this done. He's like, does diabetes run in your family? I was like, yeah, my pops is, has diabetes, type two. And he was just like, okay. Um, he's like, you gotta lose weight, man. He's like, I, he's like, you, you 280 now, you gotta get down to like at least 250, 240.

• 26:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:22Speaker 05

  I was like, all right, cool. Like, how do I do that? He's like.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  I was like, I was like, yo, Doc, I was like, I'm gonna keep it real with you. I travel a lot.

• 26:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:31Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm like, you know, I'm eating in airports and shit like.

• 26:34Stavros Halkias?

  Be like, well, this is the first I've heard of this weight loss stuff.

• 26:37Speaker 05

  How do?

• 26:38Stavros Halkias?

  How does this work, Doc? Is it a pill?

• 26:42Stavros Halkias?

  Is there some stretches I can do?

• 26:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:43Stavros Halkias?

  Every three weeks that'll do it for me?

• 26:45Speaker 05

  This is the same guy. So he's like, yo, like, yeah, no, he's like, exercise, stupid. And then like, so when I come back like next month and I'm just like, yo, bro, this ain't it. It's not working. Like, I'm trying to work out, but like you said, like, I'm hurting myself. Like, I'm sore, my back is all fucked up. He's like, he's like, all right, let me, nah, ran it again. A1C levels are still high. And he was just like, oh, fuck it. You qualify for this shit. Get on it. And I was like, all right. Did that for like a couple of months and then my brother was used to sell me this shit. Cause my brother was always like a big kid. And then he went away to boarding school, started playing football.

• 27:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 27:19Speaker 05

  And like lifting weights and shit. And then he was just come back. He'd be like, nigga, you fat because you want to be fat. And I'm like, bro, what the fuck?

• 27:26Stavros Halkias?

  There is nothing worse than the fat person who finally puts it together and forgets their whole life. Forgets where they fucking came from.

• 27:34Speaker 05

  Like, motherfucker, you forget all them titty twisters I gave you when you was 12, bitch? Before you went away to fucking.

• 27:39Stavros Halkias?

  You also want, used to want to be fat. Something happened to you. You got to do your whole life around not being fat. Your parents sent you away to a school to not be fat.

• 27:48Speaker 05

  You feel me?

• 27:48Stavros Halkias?

  It does, it is fucking annoying because it's like, dude, try and help the rest of the fat community. Don't think you're better than them.

• 27:55Speaker 05

  Like, yo, you made it out. Like, that's like, that's like being like, that's like the Latinos for Trump shit.

• 27:59Stavros Halkias?

  That is exactly correct.

• 28:01Speaker 05

  Like, yo, I'm, I'm fucking, I'm Mexican, but I'm an ICE agent. Like, what the fuck, bro? Like, that, that shit don't make no sense.

• 28:06Stavros Halkias?

  Fat people talking about, former fat people like being like, you need more discipline. That's basically a guy, that's a Cuban about to get deported. That's, that's, that's a Cuban for Trump about to be deported.

• 28:17Speaker 05

  Oh, where? I need discipline? All right. In Venezuela?

• 28:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:20Speaker 05

  All right, bet. Fucking asshole.

• 28:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, it pisses me off. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh, my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan

• 29:05Stavros Halkias?

  and save $10 on your first month with promo code STOVE. Terms apply.

• 29:10Speaker 00

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works Chicago, Illinois.

• 29:26Stavros Halkias?

  But he got, he got them. Why'd they send it? They sent him off to boarding school? Was it like, was he good at school or was he bad at school? Cause it's one or the other, isn't it?

• 29:34Speaker 05

  So both of us were good at school in the hood. So like when you're the one kid in the school that like gets like a high score in the reading test and shit. It's like, yo, let's pluck him out of here. Like a better chance program or whatever, the ABC shit they used to call it. And when it was my turn, cause I'm the oldest of three. Shout out to Ingrid, shout out to Tito. And when it was my turn, the ABC shit came and they were like, I bet. Like, we're gonna show you all these like boarding prep schools or whatever. And they won't, none of them were in New York. So I was like, bro, like I have only been in New York and in the Dominican Republic. That's it. I ain't been nowhere else. So when we went up to Connecticut, we went to South Kent Academy in Connecticut. We're driving up there and I'm just looking around, looking around, looking around. I'm like, yo, bro, I was like, I don't see no buildings. I don't see no motion.

• 30:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:19Speaker 05

  I was like, it's just trees and animals.

• 30:20Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 30:21Speaker 05

  I was like, what the fuck? So I'm like, all right, fuck it, maybe, let me give it a chance. So we get there and I just see mass stained glass and shit. I was like, yo, is this like a Catholic school or some shit? I was like, what the fuck? Cause I got kicked out of Catholic school. I was like, I'm not doing that again.

• 30:33Stavros Halkias?

  Too heathen.

• 30:34Speaker 05

  Right.

• 30:34Stavros Halkias?

  What were you up to at Catholic school?

• 30:35Speaker 05

  Bro, just not shaving and having quarrels. They're like, yo, you gotta cut those brains off. And I'm like, fuck you. I was like, no, I'm not doing that. What happens if I don't do that? You get detention. What happens if I don't go to detention? You get another detention.

• 30:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 05

  So basically, I'm just never going to detention. I'm just letting you know right now off rip. And they were like, this motherfucker, like this little mother, this little asshole.

• 30:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:55Speaker 05

  I got kicked out of there. So then I went to South Ken Academy. I did the tour with the one of like upperclassmen or whatever. And as I'm doing the tour, I'm like, bro, there's no bitches here.

• 31:08Speaker 05

  There's no hoes here. There's no, no women at all, like at all. So I was like, yo, where, like, what do y'all do? He's like, oh, this is another, this is an old girl's school. I, I, I, miles down the road. I was like, motherfucker, I don't speak in miles.

• 31:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:20Speaker 05

  I'm from New York City. Tell, tell, how many blocks? You know what I'm saying? Like, you know what I mean? Like, so.

• 31:26Stavros Halkias?

  So you weren't interested?

• 31:27Speaker 05

  I was not with it at all. So I pulled, I never had said nothing like this to my parents ever in life. So they took it seriously. We're coming back to the Bronx and I was just like, yo, I think I might kill myself if I have to go up there.

• 31:37Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, dude.

• 31:38Speaker 05

  I pulled that one out.

• 31:39Stavros Halkias?

  You immediately went to kill yourself?

• 31:41Speaker 05

  I was like, yo, I think I might get depressed and kill myself.

• 31:44Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you went to Connecticut.

• 31:45Speaker 05

  Connecticut.

• 31:45Stavros Halkias?

  Not even that, when you were like, oh, there's nothing in New York. I'm like, oh, where are they gonna send this guy? Connect, you just up fucking.

• 31:50Speaker 05

  Up like up ninety-five?

• 31:52Stavros Halkias?

  You're in, you're in, you're in the Bronx. You're basically in Connecticut.

• 31:57Speaker 05

  I gotta take a train, two stops. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Y'all are bugging. This is crazy. And I was just like, yo, I think I might kill myself. And they were like, come on?

• 32:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:06Speaker 05

  Yeah? Like, and they were, and so I got, I skated out of that.

• 32:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:10Speaker 05

  And then being.

• 32:11Stavros Halkias?

  Stayed in New York?

• 32:12Speaker 05

  Stayed in New York. I went to DeWitt Clan High School, tried to DeWitt Clan. And my career there informed my parents' decision to be like, motherfucker, we don't give a fuck.

• 32:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:21Speaker 05

  Kill yourself, Tito.

• 32:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, Tito, kill yourself. Your brother said he was gonna kill himself. Yeah, kill yourself. You're going to Massachusetts.

• 32:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:29Speaker 05

  Okay?

• 32:29Stavros Halkias?

  We'll send you further north.

• 32:30Speaker 05

  Yeah. So he was like, yo, so he went out there, played defensive end and shit. Came back and like tried to flex on me like, yo, come on, nigga. Doing the Terry Crews titty bouncing shit. I'm like, bro, get the fuck out of here. That shit, bro.

• 32:43Stavros Halkias?

  You're doing a steady diet of New York public, like honey bun breakfast.

• 32:48Speaker 05

  Honey bun breakfast, tropical fantasy soda.

• 32:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 05

  Nasty, nasty work. Colors that are not on the Pantone.

• 32:54Stavros Halkias?

  Corn, yeah, corn chips, barbecue corn. Oh, man, I'm thinking of the, the, the little fucking cafeteria. At my high school.

• 33:02Speaker 05

  Honey barbecue chips, bro, with Arizona.

• 33:04Stavros Halkias?

  The Arizona iced tea.

• 33:05Speaker 05

  Come on.

• 33:06Stavros Halkias?

  The salt.

• 33:07Speaker 05

  Breakfast of champions.

• 33:08Stavros Halkias?

  Salt and vinegar chips that you put with the honey corn chips. You, you mix those up. When people had their little fucking, basically essentially jail food. Like now what we see on TikTok where it's like, you know, those guys.

• 33:19Speaker 05

  You making ice cream in jail?

• 33:21Stavros Halkias?

  People were doing that in fucking high school. Yeah. Oh, man. They sell little fucking pizzas that were awesome.

• 33:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, dog. Fucking, I'm lighting cigarettes with batteries.

• 33:29Stavros Halkias?

  That was good stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Just the shit, smoking the shittiest joints you've ever smoked in your life.

• 33:36Speaker 05

  I rolled, I rolled a joint in, in a bag that came, that a pizza slice came in one time.

• 33:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, dude.

• 33:43Speaker 05

  With the nasty shit, the dirtiest weed in a paper bag.

• 33:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:47Speaker 05

  And we were just smoking it because we were like 13. It was like, yo, fuck it, bro. We, we got weed and we got something to put it in, so let's smoke it. Because, you know, being in the hood, like we, we did not have like the, yo, smoke out of an apple.

• 33:58Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 33:58Speaker 05

  Like, I was like, I don't know, I, I, what's a bomb? You know what I'm saying?

• 34:02Stavros Halkias?

  I, it was a lot of, it was a lot of, but, you know, cans. You know, I did a lot of cans, a lot of huggy, the little huggy thing. That was actually really great because you could poke the holes up top.

• 34:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. I learned that after, you know what I'm saying?

• 34:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:15Speaker 05

  I was like, oh, this is a gravity bomb?

• 34:16Stavros Halkias?

  All I'm saying is don't blame your surroundings, okay? You could have, you could have applied yourself a little more, a little more ingenuity.

• 34:23Speaker 05

  I was about to be like, yo, I seen the can thing for crack. You know what I'm saying? And I was just like, see, I'm not doing that.

• 34:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's fair. That's fair.

• 34:31Speaker 05

  If I seen a crackhead doing that, I was like, you know what? I don't want to, I don't want to go that far. You know what I'm saying?

• 34:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's fair. That's fair. Yeah, that is fucking hilarious.

• 34:41Speaker 05

  Oh, bomb. Let me tell you something. Stop. No. Let me tell you something. When you use the Pepsi can, you know, you don't get the red forty. The Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola has the red forty on top. You got it, Donald? No, I used to know your father. I jerked him off one time. He's gonna say that's a lie, but it's true.

• 35:02Stavros Halkias?

  And it would have cost you just for $1, you didn't, you wouldn't have heard that information.

• 35:06Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, I said.

• 35:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's kind of reverse. That is, that's something more crackheads should try. It's like, give me some money or I'll tell you an inconvenient truth about your family.

• 35:15Speaker 05

  That part.

• 35:16Stavros Halkias?

  Cause they have some information.

• 35:17Speaker 05

  They always do.

• 35:18Stavros Halkias?

  They have some very, very important information.

• 35:20Speaker 05

  My man Steve was just saying like outside, like, yo, what happened to New York City crackheads, bro? Like, where are y'all at?

• 35:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:25Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? Like now it's like Fent has taken over. So people are like, the crackers used to be like jovial, you know what I'm saying? Like, I used to be up on the east side of Harlem, bro. Like just chilling and they like, yo, yo, you need help?

• 35:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 35:37Speaker 05

  Yo, my car's broke down.

• 35:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 35:39Speaker 05

  Yo, my tire, my bike tire is flat. Like, yo, Doug, like I can't hit this ollie right.

• 35:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? Like, he's like, yo, let me show you how to ollie, bro. Yo, I was in Brazil with Bob Burnquins.

• 35:51Speaker 05

  Yo, you don't know about this?

• 35:53Stavros Halkias?

  They, yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 05

  I had an album with Daddy Yankee.

• 35:56Stavros Halkias?

  A neighborhood crackhead, you know, that's we, the, the, that's another thing of losing community.

• 36:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:02Stavros Halkias?

  You lose that as well. Cause I do feel like every neighborhood had like a homeless guy.

• 36:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:08Stavros Halkias?

  Like a very particular guy that nobody really bothered. And then when it, when it started to be like, when it, when the homeless people started feeling like independent contractors instead of salaried employees of the neighborhood. It's like, well, what the fuck's going on here? Who the fuck are these guys?

• 36:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, who are you?

• 36:24Stavros Halkias?

  Strangers sucking themselves, each other off under this, under the underpass.

• 36:27Speaker 05

  Uh, California rain.

• 36:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, this is where Larry has gay sex.

• 36:33Speaker 05

  California rain's supposed to be from here, from eight to eight.

• 36:37Speaker 05

  Why are you here? And why are you jerking her off? What the fuck is going on here?

• 36:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude. Uh, that's, so your parents might, so they, they didn't send you to fucking boarding school, but they sent you to the DR for the summers, right?

• 36:48Speaker 05

  All the time, every summer.

• 36:49Stavros Halkias?

  The classic.

• 36:50Speaker 05

  Yeah. Is that a Greek thing too?

• 36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Greek people would do that. We never did that because my family just didn't, my, my, my dad was very overprotective, which is interesting because he was not. Personally around.

• 37:02Speaker 05

  Right.

• 37:03Stavros Halkias?

  Like he was, he didn't like leave with anybody. He never, it's like we spent quality time together. But the second you were like, oh, I'm gonna go to like my friend's house or I'm gonna go, oh, send me to Greece. He was like, no, I have to be there. And I, part of me is like, I don't wanna, my hypothesis is like, did he get molested? You know what I mean? Like, did something fucked up happen to him where he's like,

• 37:21Speaker 05

  Trying to avoid that shit with me?

• 37:22Stavros Halkias?

  My kids can't be, cause he wouldn't, he didn't want us sleeping over, even like our bed, like I never slept over. Not until we were like older did I, was I even allowed to sleep. I've known him since we were in kindergarten. His house and it's like, his family in particular, it's like, come on, man. You've known them forever. Also, I could take them, you know what I mean? These Albanians can't hold me down. We would have fucked your ass up. No way, dude. Fuck you. And so, but I don't know, did something weird happen to him? But we, I never got that, but it sounded kinda fun. To like, cause all my Greek friends that would go, sounded kinda nice, you know? They would all go over there. They would swim all day.

• 38:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's like, yo, you on the beach and shit? Like you got a third cousin that you don't really know?

• 38:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what was the setup? Yeah, what was the setup for you like?

• 38:08Speaker 05

  It was, it was,

• 38:09Stavros Halkias?

  You were your grandparents, I'm guessing?

• 38:11Speaker 05

  It was like my grandparents, aunts and uncles, like it was, you know, it takes a village. Cause it was literally a village, bro. Like they were sending me to Mau, I made them out.

• 38:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 05

  Google image that shit, bro. There's no, it's the only part of the island that's like, not next to water. You know what I'm saying? Like, you feel this? We swimming in the river and shit, like, all of that type of shit. But I had fun, bro. Cause I'm like, yo, I'm out here by myself, you know what I'm saying? Like, as soon as I say two words in English, like, I'm getting my dick wet.

• 38:37Stavros Halkias?

  You're a celebrity.

• 38:38Speaker 05

  Oh, bruh.

• 38:39Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I remember showing Greekies in a village a dollar and them being like, It's an American dollar. Yeah, no, none of that, unfortunately. I never got slurped. It was all just dudes being like, cool. And then they would go and like run a train on a girl. And I was like, I was like, I'm good, guys. I don't know about all this.

• 38:57Stavros Halkias?

  It was real villager stuff, man, where they're like, to them it was like, ah, they're almost like mad a woman had to be involved. They're like, ah, we're not gay, but four of us, like they'd be like, ah, they would like smile and wistfully tell the story of like, you know, geeing out a woman with their like, like uncle. Like it was like, like it was like a family bonding experience.

• 39:19Speaker 05

  Me and Stav Tris shorty last week, bro. She was fire. It's on the Patreon.

• 39:27Stavros Halkias?

  I know dude, that really is, that is some true villager shit across cultures.

• 39:31Speaker 05

  Yo.

• 39:31Stavros Halkias?

  Cause they just, everyone seems to be okay with, it's, it's more communal, everything is communal, I guess. It's like you're used to it.

• 39:39Speaker 05

  Eating pussy, everything, like eating fucking.

• 39:41Stavros Halkias?

  Like there's one bathroom in the fucking, like tenement, it's like tenement style getting your dick sucked.

• 39:46Speaker 05

  Straight up.

• 39:48Stavros Halkias?

  Each building comes with one slam piece.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  One, one, one elite eater. Per building.

• 39:56Stavros Halkias?

  I'm talking to the super, you know, there might be two, but it's gonna raise rent.

• 40:02Stavros Halkias?

  You guys decide, you want one?

• 40:03Speaker 05

  You want?

• 40:04Stavros Halkias?

  Or you wanna pay upfront, you know, pay more for two?

• 40:06Speaker 05

  We got an old one, we got a young one, you know what I'm saying? But that's, the price is going up.

• 40:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's Sith Apprentice rules, there can only be two.

• 40:15Speaker 05

  Yo, oh shit, but yeah, no, it was, it was, it was fun, it was fun, you know what I'm saying? Like, and I got to, I got to, honestly, like, it, it gives you perspective, you know what I'm saying? When you go back to New York and shit, and it's like, yo, my lights, when I turn my lights on, they just stay on.

• 40:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:29Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? When I go to the toilet, there's water in it, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not in a latrine, you know what I'm saying?

• 40:35Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 40:36Speaker 05

  So, shit like that, but then, like, you know, I would, I would come back and wanna go back. And be like, damn, I miss this shit, bro, cause it's very like, you know, they, they shut everything down at noon. You know what I mean? It's a very different kinda like lifestyle and shit. And like, my parents tried to like, keep us in that, like, in that kinda like, that cult, culturally, in that, in that mindset, or whatever. Which is crazy, cause men and I were talking about that shit, like, Greeks, Albanians, like, don't move like regular white people.

• 41:03Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, true, yeah.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  They move like, like, actual immigrants, you know what I'm saying?

• 41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely, no, that, what you're describing, I also, that was good for, like, we would go as a family for a long time. We would go, there was like three or four trips we took, and we'd go for like five or six weeks.

• 41:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:17Stavros Halkias?

  And it was like, yeah, that, that kinda lifestyle, like, getting into that rhythm of like, the afternoon naps, the like, just. Everything is about hanging out. It's a culture of hanging out.

• 41:28Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 41:29Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it's like spending hours just getting coffee. That's the plan.

• 41:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:33Stavros Halkias?

  The plan for the day is I would hang out with my cousin and I'd be like, dude, what are you up to today? He's like, uh, my friend, uh, he works at a bakery. I think I'm just gonna go, uh, drink coffee while he makes bread. And I was like, that's what you're doing all day? He's like, yeah, then I'm gonna come back, sleep till 9:00 PM and then try and fuck some girl.

• 41:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:52Stavros Halkias?

  And I was like, that's actually fucking awesome.

• 41:54Speaker 05

  That's fucking fire, bro. Like, I would that.

• 41:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like, I remember being young and being like, that's the whole, that's what I'm doing in Greece. It's like, why am I here?

• 42:01Speaker 05

  Why am I mad at the fucking, you know?

• 42:03Stavros Halkias?

  I was pissed because they wouldn't, because like, we would spend a lot of time in Athens. It's like, look, Athens is cool, but like, it's like, it reminded me of Baltimore. I'm like, I'm just in another city.

• 42:12Speaker 05

  City, yes.

• 42:12Stavros Halkias?

  Like, if we were at the beach, it'd be, I was like, that's what I was pissed at.

• 42:15Speaker 05

  Take me to Cyprus, motherfucker.

• 42:16Stavros Halkias?

  Why am I just, yeah, why am I fucking going? Like, I spent so much of my time watching Sex in the City with Greek subtitles. And just like, like, I'd watch American TV with, with Greek subtitles. And then like, the funny thing is, my cousin would take us to go to the, their like, knockoff Blockbuster. And they rented, they just, they burned all the movies and the, they would sell you, the knockoff Blockbuster would sell you a chip to put in your Playstation.

• 42:41Speaker 05

  Oh, let's go.

• 42:43Stavros Halkias?

  And it would let you play bootlegs.

• 42:47Stavros Halkias?

  So it would just be like, a guy would write FIFA on marker on a CD. And like, that, and that was fun, but I, but part of me was like, why the fuck am I here? You know, instead of like, just, I could be playing Playstation and watching TV and, and, but.

• 43:00Speaker 05

  At the crib.

• 43:01Stavros Halkias?

  You know, at the same time, I was like, you know, you're put, you're getting some quality time with your family.

• 43:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's what it is.

• 43:06Stavros Halkias?

  You know, the dinners were nice and the hanging out. And it's like, yeah, I missed, that's how I'm trying to live my life. I'm trying to get back to a very hangout-based.

• 43:15Speaker 05

  That's the shit.

• 43:15Stavros Halkias?

  You could, you could argue that podcasting is just hanging out.

• 43:18Speaker 05

  It's hanging out.

• 43:18Stavros Halkias?

  Monetized.

• 43:19Speaker 05

  Monetized hanging out, bro. You know what I mean? Except, you know, all this is not bacon bread.

• 43:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  But that's the shit. Like, my dad, like, I went to go visit my dad and it was the same shit. Like, he woke up, woke me up, and he's like, dressed. And I'm like, oh, like, and my dad is like, salt of the earth Dominican dude, like HVAC technician.

• 43:36Stavros Halkias?

  He's there now? He's back?

• 43:37Speaker 05

  He's, he's like, he's a snowbird. You know what I'm saying? Like, back and forth. And, you know, but he. My entire childhood was just watching him grow, was watching him like work with his hands. Yeah. Do all this stuff. Now this motherfucker's getting manicures, pedicures, so like, we go to the fuck. Where do you go, bro? It's crazy. How old was your dad? Uh, sixty, sixty-nine. Very nice. Sixty-nine, nice. Seventy-year-old man getting the fucking many pedis, it's awesome, dude. So, and my mom hates it. Yeah. Cause like, so my dad's like, he come and wake me up. Meanwhile, my mom is there. Right. So my mom, both my parents are there. My dad comes and wakes me up. Doesn't wake, fuck my kids, fuck my wife, like everybody, he just comes and wakes me up. He's like, yo,

• 44:20Speaker 05

  you ready? And I'm like, ready for what? He's like, yo, we're gonna go down to the Cormalo, which is like a grocery store. He's like, yo, fucking Chuchis over there, like, I went to high school with him, like, he's working over there. Alright, cool, so what we about to do? Yeah, he got a couple beers for us over there. Wow. Alright, so we're just sitting there smoking cigars, drinking beer, hanging out. Kinda awesome. And then like, yo, he's like, yo, you hungry? Yo, who's hungry? Yo, who's hungry? Yo, you hungry? Yo, order motherfucking, and then the guy in the moped comes with like food ten minutes later. I'm like, how did that happen, bro? It's awesome. And then, he's like, alright, now we're gonna go, Papi, we're gonna go fixing your toenail. We're gonna get a pedicure, pedicure. Pedicure, pedicure. Yeah.

• 45:00Speaker 05

  So we go there, and you know, we get pedicures and shit, and I'm like, everything in DR is mad cheap, like services are wild cheap. So, I'm like over tipping and shit, cause I'm like, I feel weird, like. Yeah. Which is crazy, cause you'll see a Dominican dude in a ran-down outfit with the freshest lineup you've ever seen in your life. Because the lineup is like ten cents. Lineup is cheap, but yeah. But like, that necker t-shirt.

• 45:24Speaker 05

  But like, we sitting there getting pedicures and shit, and I'm like, this is wild, like, I love this for you, you know what I'm saying? Like, I watched you my whole life, yeah, this is what you need. You were slaving away. Word, like running a rat race in New York City, like not knowing, speaking like broken English and shit, made it through, you retired. With my mother, you don't have a second family. Right. Which, you know, odds are. We were the second family. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I met my older brother William. At like twenty-five years old, I was like, yo, I was like, who's this nigga that look like me? Why do you look like me and my dad? And you got the same balding pattern.

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Holy shit, that's incredible, dude.

• 46:01Speaker 05

  He was like, this is your brother, William. I was like, alright.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  So I was like, I'm down.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  That's so good.

• 46:09Speaker 05

  Like, you know, so now, every time I see him, I'm like, yo, what's up, brother?

• 46:12Speaker 04

  That's fucking hilarious.

• 46:14Speaker 05

  And his kids are like, yo, hey, you on TV? Tio, tio, tio, he's on TV. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  No, no, chill out.

• 46:23Speaker 05

  I'ma leave you these sneakers.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  Chill out, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  I'm good, we out of here, it's twenty dollars, American, American. I don't hold you down for the whole year.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  That's fucking, your dad, your dad took a mulligan in the Bronx.

• 46:37Speaker 04

  He's gonna go fucking fix HVAC. That's funny as shit.

• 46:41Speaker 05

  But then we leave, and we go back, and then my mom is just like, mad passive aggressive, just being like, yeah, yeah, pedicures, yeah, alright, motherfucker, he just over there talking to the hoes. Like, buying beers for all them bitches over there, where's that money coming from, huh? Like, just like, chirping at him, he's just like, ah. He's like, why you getting jealous, my dick don't even work? Like, my dad's like, like, my dad's like, like, he's a, he's a hilarious asshole, like sarcastic nigga. Bro, so my mother-in-law.

• 47:09Speaker 04

  Weaponizing your fucking, uh, your AED is awesome.

• 47:13Speaker 05

  A hundred percent.

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:14Speaker 05

  Like, he makes the mo, he, like, he'll say the wildest shit, like, my mother-in-law and her wife were at my crib, and he's talking to Claudia, her wife, shout out to Claudia, and I'm with my boys in the corner, just like chopping it up about whatever, and my man Jimmy's just like, yo, your dad is, and Claudia are like mad deep in conversation, like, what are they talking about? Like, whatever, whatever, and like, he's just like, yo, this is wild, cause he don't even, his English is like so like, basic, like, what could they, they been talking for like twenty-seven minutes, what the fuck are they talking about? Yo, so they, they break whatever, boo boo boo, whatever, my pops comes over, and, and Jimmy's like, yo, he's like, yo, Tito, like, what were you talking about that whole time? And he's like, eating pussy.

• 48:01Speaker 04

  I was like, yo, what the fuck?

• 48:03Stavros Halkias?

  Just picking the brain of an expert. Picking the brain of a seasoned lesbian.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  A seasoned veteran? I was like, yo, this is, I was like, yo, bro, he's just dropped that shit? I was like, see, one motherfucker's asking, where you get it from?

• 48:16Stavros Halkias?

  Respect, dude.

• 48:17Speaker 04

  That motherfucker right there, bro.

• 48:19Speaker 05

  Eating pussy, what you think?

• 48:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. That's incredible. Look, I got a lesbian here, I gotta, I'm gonna, and to him, that's him being enlightened.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's him like, I'm not fucking kicking her out of my house.

• 48:29Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 48:30Stavros Halkias?

  I'm asking her about eating pussy.

• 48:32Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 48:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking awesome. I know, there are times, I mean, you know, me, me and my dad have gone back and forth with our relationship and I'm try, I'm trying to like, stay on good terms, like, you know, now.

• 48:45Speaker 04

  It's rough, man. It's, men are, you know, especially that generation.

• 48:48Stavros Halkias?

  Immigrant dads can be tough.

• 48:49Speaker 04

  Man.

• 48:50Stavros Halkias?

  And there, but there are moments where it's like, we connect and I'm like, that is exactly, where I get that from. I showed him my, I like redid my, I have a place in Baltimore and I redid the bathroom and I got like, a fucking hilarious, you know, Japanese toilet that like fucking, you know, it opens when you walk in the, it's like, yeah, yeah. And my dad's like, I was like, what the fuck? He was like, he was like, he was like, oh, what is that like? Oh, let me guess, that cleans your ass? I was like, yeah, it actually, he's like, what? He's like, does it suck your dick too?

• 49:21Stavros Halkias?

  Immediately, right off the bat. Boom, I'm like, ah, that's where it is.

• 49:25Speaker 04

  Thanks, dad.

• 49:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's where it fucking is.

• 49:27Speaker 04

  It's in the DNA?

• 49:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's like, ooh, does it suck your dick too? Like, fair question, immediately, you know?

• 49:33Speaker 04

  If we were in Japan, maybe.

• 49:34Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe. I don't have that, I don't have that aftermarket fucking fix, uh,

• 49:39Speaker 04

  The tariffs.

• 49:39Stavros Halkias?

  I have the tariffs, fuck the, the dick sucking attachment to the toto.

• 49:44Speaker 04

  Which is crazy because in, in Dominican Spanish, toto means pussy. So like, imagine being a kid and like going to school and every urinal says toto, I'm like,

• 49:56Stavros Halkias?

  You're pressing, you think it's the pussy button? You think you press Toto and a pussy comes out? Why is that happening? No, this was broken.

• 50:05Stavros Halkias?

  You're putting your dick in the urinal cakes? Like, this doesn't feel like pussy. Why is my dick burning?

• 50:11Stavros Halkias?

  But it smells minty fresh. This is beautiful. We got, we have to apply some of this immigrant, immigrant logic to, to our callers. What do we got, my friend? And by the way, when that comes on as you're fucking up the audio, God forbid you say anything as the producer.

• 50:27Speaker 03

  Nah, it's good. We'll get it in post. Don't worry about it.

• 50:29Stavros Halkias?

  And folks, don't complain to me. I was like, I'm gonna let it go once. If it comes on again, I'm sure Eldis will address it. He did not. I want it on record. If the sound is bad, blame Eldis.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  I've been hearing it, but we got some engineering magic we do behind the board here.

• 50:46Stavros Halkias?

  I can't wait to fucking hear what bullshit, what weird AI that steals all our data Eldis, Eldis downloads to try and get this smoothed over.

• 50:57Stavros Halkias?

  He just hires Indian guys on Fiverr to just dub over what we're talking about.

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  This is like Mexican Spanish.

• 51:11Speaker 06

  Hey, this is Will Arnett, host of Smartless. Smartless is a podcast with myself and Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman, where each week one of us reveals a mystery guest of the other two. We dive deep with guests that you love, like Bill Hader, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Kristen Stewart, and tons more. So join us for a genuinely improvised and authentic conversation filled with laughter and newfound knowledge to feed the smartless mind. Listen to Smartless now on the Sirius XM app. Download it today.

• 51:49Speaker 07

  Hey, it's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it.

• 52:08Speaker 06

  Oh, hey, man.

• 52:09Speaker 07

  Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life. By the Claw, White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Celta Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 52:17Stavros Halkias?

  All right, what do we got, Eldis? Play us some call here.

• 52:21Speaker 08

  Hey, it's Dobby, Eldis guest. Third time trying to do this, I'm trying to reduce sound story. I'm sorry to Eldis, if you listen to the other messages. I've been with the same woman for the last two and a half years or so. And I just recently found out that I was kind of a side guy to a guy that she was with for five years. And I was completely unaware of that. She spent every night with me for the most part. And then she would sneak away and spend one day a weekend for the most part with him for a handful of hours and then come back.

• 52:54Speaker 04

  How are you the side guy?

• 52:56Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, she's living at your crib and you're the side guy?

• 52:59Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 53:00Stavros Halkias?

  You're the leaseholder.

• 53:01Speaker 04

  She was cheating on you. You weren't the side guy. She was cheating on you once a week. What the fuck are you talking about, dude?

• 53:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yo, that's crazy work. That's incredible, like, mental gymnastics on her end. She jujitsu this guy? Because in some ways... Yo, I've been with him for five years, though. That's what makes it cheating. That makes it, no, I'm having an affair with you. I love you. Exactly, because there's something romantic about being the guy that you're cheating with, right? That means, I'm not betraying you, I just have, I've met you after, it's more complicated. It's so romantic. If this asset's involved. Yeah, but being the guy getting cheated on, there is no romance there. There is just like, you're being fucking... So this is, this woman, I salute her for gaslighting him in this specific way. But let's finish up, maybe there's more.

• 53:51Speaker 08

  And so that's just the way that she lived her double life and lied to me about everything. I kinda had, I suspected some stuff throughout the relationship, broke up with a few, with her a few handful of times because things didn't really make any sense. And she would talk me down, you know, say all the things, gaslight me into thinking that I was crazy, you know, all the things, whatever. And I did that because I care about her, love with her, like, love her tremendously. I've been in other relationships, not my first one.

• 54:18Speaker 04

  Bro, you mad soft for that? You soft, bro.

• 54:22Stavros Halkias?

  Buh buh buh bitch.

• 54:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, boo boo boo boo boo. Buh buh buh bitch. Like, yo chill, yo listen, yo, come on, dog, you were living, being a side piece as a guy? That's like every dude's dream. Like, I don't gotta do, I don't gotta.

• 54:38Stavros Halkias?

  He wasn't though, he was getting cheated on, that's the thing.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, man, damn.

• 54:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he was, let, let's, what, does he have more elders? Okay.

• 54:45Speaker 08

  A woman for nine years prior to this one, uh, so it's not that I'm wrapped up in that. We just had ways, we had so much in common, ways, way too much in common, just little tiny things. And, uh, facing a future without that person is just obviously pretty scary. So I'm battling with myself about whether I want to try to, um, make this relationship.

• 55:08Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 55:08Speaker 08

  You know, work on someone we broke up, obviously. And I did get pretty much converted over to the A side of that, I guess. So she was spending more time with me and caring about me more and whatever, but, um, just trying to fight with myself about whether I really.

• 55:22Speaker 04

  Yo, nah, nah, man.

• 55:24Speaker 08

  Impossible, but I just, I, I care about her a lot. Uh, thank you guys.

• 55:28Stavros Halkias?

  Dude.

• 55:29Speaker 04

  Ah, come on, bro, now you made me feel bad for pulling your bitch.

• 55:32Stavros Halkias?

  Now I feel bad because you're in the middle of it and I get it. And it is, don't get me wrong, we were right, but we've all been here before, we've all been here.

• 55:39Speaker 04

  Emotions, nobody can control your emotions, your heart has a mind of its own.

• 55:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:42Speaker 03

  To clarify, to clarify real quick, he did say they are like broken up as of this call, but he's still weighing, weighing what to do.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  Nah, don't do it, don't go back there.

• 55:52Stavros Halkias?

  No, because nah, no, you coming back is an implicit approval.

• 55:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh, you can do whatever you want.

• 55:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right, like, now, now, look, people will tell, like, certainly people have survived infidelity, like, relationships, shit's complicated. Somebody.

• 56:11Stavros Halkias?

  Almost, it's in her Google Calendar repeating, once a week getting dig- it wasn't like, I met, me and my ex bumped into each other, we were fighting, I thought we were on a brad. It's not, and look, some people will say, I don't care even about that, you know, and it's, it's truly person by person, right? Some people will fucking let, some people want to watch their wife get fucked.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  Yo.

• 56:33Stavros Halkias?

  Some people don't even want their significant other to like, you know, emotionally, they don't want them flirting with people. Which, listen, everybody's gotta figure out what works for them. This to me, though, is not, this is not an easy one.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  Nah, man.

• 56:47Stavros Halkias?

  This is not the kind of shit you can forgive. And it's also like, I don't know that I could trust this person.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  That, that part, that is, that shit is totally out the window, bro.

• 56:56Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I guess, I guess to be fair, like, this wasn't even like, if you're dating someone for like, six months, right? And you never have that discussion of the like, what are we?

• 57:06Speaker 04

  Bro, are we, are we exclusive?

• 57:08Stavros Halkias?

  And she spends most of her time with you, but like, occasionally fucks other people, but you never have the discussion. That's different than two years, she's at your fucking house five nights a week, and once a week she fucks the same guy. If she was fucking a different guy every week, I'd be like, something, but what are we talking about?

• 57:27Speaker 04

  How you got joint custody of the pussy, bro? That's crazy.

• 57:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and you're the mom, the other guy's the dad, he gets it on weekends.

• 57:37Stavros Halkias?

  So I guess that's a positive, being the mother of the pussy, the custody battle.

• 57:41Speaker 04

  You're the primary caregiver of the pussy, bro, that's wild.

• 57:44Stavros Halkias?

  You're attending the PTA meetings.

• 57:49Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but yeah, dude.

• 57:51Speaker 04

  Labia's doing great.

• 57:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  Great to have in class.

• 57:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, pH level's good.

• 57:58Stavros Halkias?

  A pleasure to have in class, very generous.

• 58:03Stavros Halkias?

  Everybody loves her.

• 58:06Stavros Halkias?

  The whole class loves her.

• 58:10Stavros Halkias?

  She's so warm.

• 58:13Stavros Halkias?

  Very, very open.

• 58:17Stavros Halkias?

  So, but, but after mocking you, we see where you are now. Yeah, fam. You're in denial. This is the denial phase of a bad break. Hundred percent. And you're even, you're even saying you're the side guy. You were not. You were getting cheated on. Fam, two years. Now, look, there might have been a moment where you guys were early in the relationship where she was dating both of you. There was a switch over occurred where you're the number, and maybe this, really what this is, this is a legacy side piece. The other guy, she was probably cheating on whoever she was dating with before with this guy and she carried that over. That happens. A lot. People carry over side bitches. A lot. A quite a long time, right?

• 58:57Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you know, you, that's, and you need, you actually kind of, from a logistics perspective, you need, you need a very specific type of trust. Oh, dog. With a person if you're gonna cheat routinely with them. Fam, and that's the thing. If someone you know is gonna hold it down. Yeah. They stick around a couple relationships. Dog, and if you got like, listen, and this is like gender neutral, bro, cause this is like, goes both ways. If you got a premier, like D1 eater, bro, or like, somebody that's like, like, y'all got like sexual chemistry? Right, literally doesn't want more. That's all he want. Is literally happy. Let's just have sex, bro. They're gonna stick around. They, that number is still in your phone. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

• 59:36Stavros Halkias?

  And if that, in fact, to me, that's the sign of if it's serious, if someone, if someone goes away from that person, they're like, if they break up with their number one slam piece for you, that's real love. Yeah. That's real love. This woman was not there with you. Yo, I'm never talking to Nancy again. I love you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the, it's the intro to international players anthem. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, it's Andre 2000's verse. Where he's like, I had to let them all know, no more dick for me. That's it. I've told every cutie around town. So anyway, you're in, you're in denial. Yeah, fam. You can't go back to this woman. Don't do it. It's so over. Oh, really?

• 1:00:14Speaker 05

  I was there. I was in that situation and it was, it was my ex who started as a go-go dancer, which is like the, you know, go-go dancer, the stripping pipeline.

• 1:00:24Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:00:24Speaker 05

  Like, that's just like G League.

• 1:00:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:00:26Speaker 05

  For sure.

• 1:00:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 1:00:28Speaker 05

  He was in the G League, then he went to the Biggie's, you got titties and you went to the league.

• 1:00:31Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:00:32Speaker 05

  So she was-

• 1:00:32Stavros Halkias?

  It's like getting a jump shot.

• 1:00:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:00:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's good. Once you get your jump shot figured out, you get to the league.

• 1:00:36Speaker 05

  She was in the live with Hakeem. She got, she got the back to the basket game down and shit, bro.

• 1:00:40Stavros Halkias?

  Fake titties or her post moves?

• 1:00:43Speaker 05

  She's like, I got a drop step now. Yeah, niggas don't know about this. But yo, shake the fade away. It was crazy.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  Yo, I'm going baseline crazy every time.

• 1:00:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:54Speaker 05

  But yeah, no, it was a situation like that, you know, but younger, like I'm in my teens, whatever, like 18, 19. But like being with Shorty, was with Shorty for a couple of years, out of high school into like college, whatever. And just like not, like seeing like, yo, hold on, like you're a dancer. You know what I'm saying? Like everybody's, first it was like-

• 1:01:12Stavros Halkias?

  And you're young.

• 1:01:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:01:13Stavros Halkias?

  It's one thing if someone's like truly, it's their job and they figured their shit out, but young, being exposed to that much-

• 1:01:19Speaker 05

  You're just trying to have fun.

• 1:01:20Stavros Halkias?

  You're having a good time.

• 1:01:20Speaker 05

  You're just having a good time, bro. You getting skeed up, you know what I mean? You taking Molly Wervigotti, rest in peace.

• 1:01:25Stavros Halkias?

  It'd be weirder if she wasn't cheating.

• 1:01:26Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:01:26Stavros Halkias?

  If a twen- if you're dating a 20-year-old sex worker and they're not, and they're a part, and it's like party type shit, and they're not cheating, that's weird.

• 1:01:35Speaker 05

  That's weird to me.

• 1:01:36Stavros Halkias?

  They have, they have a weirder mental illness to me.

• 1:01:38Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? For real. Like, I wanna be, I wanna be monogamous.

• 1:01:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  But I just wanna sniff coke with this rapper and leave when he pulls his dick out.

• 1:01:45Stavros Halkias?

  It's kinda strange not to at least suck him off for a second.

• 1:01:48Speaker 05

  You know what I mean?

• 1:01:49Stavros Halkias?

  You can be like, ah, not really my thing, but you're gonna try.

• 1:01:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:53Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway.

• 1:01:53Speaker 05

  So that happened and I was just like, the denial stage is like, yo, nah, like, nah, we could, yo, we could work through this. And it's like, bro, don't go back there. The head is not that good. Like I'm saying is that- Listen to me.

• 1:02:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:08Speaker 05

  Don't.

• 1:02:08Stavros Halkias?

  He's been through it.

• 1:02:09Speaker 05

  Don't walk back that path. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing good is gonna come of it. You know what I mean?

• 1:02:14Stavros Halkias?

  You got him before, my brother. Sorry dude, it sucks.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  Like Stav said, bro, like, you know, you're in the denial stage right now, you know?

• 1:02:21Stavros Halkias?

  We've all been there.

• 1:02:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's classic breakup stuff. Even when you don't get cheated on, part of you is like, no, maybe. You know? And here's what I tell everyone is like, okay, if that's the fairy tale you want to tell yourself, it's possible, but it's only gonna happen if you completely let go.

• 1:02:37Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:37Stavros Halkias?

  And you come back to them as a completely different person years later. So if you really believe, if you want to believe in, you know, bullshit romantic shit, it's truly the let it go and if it comes back to you.

• 1:02:48Speaker 05

  Yup.

• 1:02:48Stavros Halkias?

  But it's not let it go, secretly check her Instagram stories.

• 1:02:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

• 1:02:53Stavros Halkias?

  Four times a week.

• 1:02:54Speaker 05

  It's like, get everything out of here.

• 1:02:56Stavros Halkias?

  Out. No contact, move on with your life, brother.

• 1:02:59Speaker 05

  Stop fucking someone else.

• 1:03:00Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:03:01Speaker 05

  Like, get into some other shit, get, you know, go to LA Fitness runs, like.

• 1:03:05Stavros Halkias?

  It's over dude, it's over.

• 1:03:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, fam, come on.

• 1:03:07Stavros Halkias?

  Poor guy though. I feel for him.

• 1:03:10Speaker 05

  Feel bad for you, be like, I'll send you a, I ain't gonna send you shit, man.

• 1:03:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. We won't either, to be clear. Whoa, Stav, what's going on? What's going on? Holy shit. Oh, where are we, dude? It's time to fucking, what's the time for? Wow, twisted.

• 1:03:26Speaker 07

  Keep it twisted.

• 1:03:29Stavros Halkias?

  It's the twisted ass, motherfucking fucked up ass question of the week.

• 1:03:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Stavros Halkias?

  Brought to you by the motherfuckers at Twisted Tea.

• 1:03:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:40Stavros Halkias?

  We keep trying to get them to cancel this by being vulgar and it never works.

• 1:03:44Speaker 05

  Yo, bro. But by the way, like.

• 1:03:45Stavros Halkias?

  And that's why we fuck with Twisted Tea.

• 1:03:49Stavros Halkias?

  That's why you're our most cherished advertising partner.

• 1:03:52Speaker 05

  They know what they buying into.

• 1:03:54Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. What's the twisted ass, fucked up ass, motherfucking question of the week, Eldis?

• 1:04:00Speaker 09

  Hey Stav, hey Aldous, hi, if there's a guest, hi guest.

• 1:04:03Speaker 04

  Hey.

• 1:04:04Speaker 09

  I need advice really bad. I'm gonna try to put this as briefly as possible. I got my girlfriend pregnant.

• 1:04:10Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 1:04:11Speaker 09

  It's looking extremely probable. I mean, tests are coming up positive. There's no point in denying that this is really happening.

• 1:04:17Speaker 06

  Keep it twisted.

• 1:04:18Stavros Halkias?

  This guy.

• 1:04:18Speaker 09

  We've thought about this a lot.

• 1:04:20Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on, just real quick, Aldous. The last call, maybe that's the twisted call?

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:27Stavros Halkias?

  There's not an innocent human life in the midst. It's just a guy who got, that was the textbook most twisted call I've ever heard. Is a guy getting cucked for five years straight.

• 1:04:37Speaker 04

  Right, bruh.

• 1:04:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's twisted. This is a guy, let's keep going, I guess. Let's give you the benefit of the doubt. You hear the urgency in this guy's voice?

• 1:04:46Speaker 04

  I thought he had to pee. He sounds like he's like trying to open the door to go to the bathroom.

• 1:04:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, brother. Alright, go ahead, Aldous.

• 1:04:51Speaker 09

  Thank you. We've thought about this a lot and we are deciding to go through with keeping the baby.

• 1:04:59Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 1:04:59Speaker 09

  Now, maybe you can tell from the tone of my voice, I'm not somebody who saw this ever happening to me at this stage of life. I certainly didn't plan for it. We've been seeing each other only since like October, I think. October, beginning of October and it's

• 1:05:14Stavros Halkias?

  This guy's cooked.

• 1:05:15Speaker 09

  January now. So this is like a three and a half month relationship at this stage.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  Three and a half months? But a baby older than that, at least.

• 1:05:22Speaker 09

  Um, I'm like a waiter. I'm like a underemployed like food service server person.

• 1:05:28Stavros Halkias?

  This is rather twisted.

• 1:05:29Speaker 09

  Aspiring actor. I'm in an acting studio in LA. I do stand up and haven't really made

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  Bro, you're saying all the wrong things, brother. You're saying all the wrong things.

• 1:05:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, dude.

• 1:05:43Speaker 04

  Yo, hold the fuck, hold the fucking phone.

• 1:05:45Speaker 09

  Really made very much money from either of those things. Haven't made very much money from my day job either, but uh, you know, I pay my bills, get a roof over my head. The idea of expanding my reach, you know, to having to provide for other people and the little person is like, kinda mind bending to me conceptually. And I know I'm gonna figure it out and I'm gonna do what I have to do and I'm gonna get my shit together, but I don't really know where to start as far as like, starting to put the pieces together and looking for resources. Uh, do you have any ideas? Do you have any advice? Like, is it time to like? Go to trade school, is it time to like?

• 1:06:25Stavros Halkias?

  Trade school? No, bad idea, okay?

• 1:06:27Speaker 09

  You know, just go to every bar in LA and try to like find a better agent or what's going on?

• 1:06:33Stavros Halkias?

  Buddy. Buddy.

• 1:06:35Speaker 05

  My brother, my brother, my brother.

• 1:06:39Stavros Halkias?

  Alright.

• 1:06:39Speaker 05

  Let me tell you about agents. And agencies.

• 1:06:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no dude. You think that's the problem?

• 1:06:48Stavros Halkias?

  Nah dude. Listen. Yo. Now that's keeping it too twisted.

• 1:06:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, that was twisted as fuck.

• 1:06:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's a very twisted, twisted thought process.

• 1:06:57Speaker 05

  Like you said, that isn't the right place.

• 1:06:59Stavros Halkias?

  It says in the right place.

• 1:07:00Speaker 05

  I got four kids, I had my first one at 25, you know what I'm saying, 25, 26, you know? And I wasn't ready for that shit either. You know, you're never ready.

• 1:07:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what were you up to at 25, 26? What were you doing at the time?

• 1:07:10Speaker 05

  Baby.

• 1:07:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, give this guy some hope here.

• 1:07:12Speaker 05

  Oh man, listen, brother, listen, I was making $20,000 a year legally.

• 1:07:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:07:17Speaker 05

  And another maybe $10,000 illegally.

• 1:07:21Speaker 05

  Selling bad coke, running around with a firearm with a dude named Krem. You know, Fleetwood, you know what I'm saying? Just driving around off of Nextel Chirp.

• 1:07:29Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the chirp.

• 1:07:30Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? Like, just doing all, a lot of that.

• 1:07:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:34Speaker 05

  So you'll be fine.

• 1:07:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:35Speaker 05

  You got, you got a, you, you, you're going into it with the right attitude.

• 1:07:38Stavros Halkias?

  That actually is, you're legitimately a great person to have on this call because you had, you had aspirations to do creative shit.

• 1:07:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? You, and you did that as you had kids, but you weren't like, you didn't double down immediately. You weren't like, oh, I have to get a good agent, I have to, no, you were like, oh, let's.

• 1:07:55Speaker 05

  We selling more dope.

• 1:07:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:56Speaker 05

  We selling more dope! And I'm gonna keep writing these blog posts.

• 1:07:59Stavros Halkias?

  And that's rather, you know, you, you kept it twisted. Mero kept it twisted, even as his first child was in utero. The one with the lisp.

• 1:08:10Speaker 05

  That's the second one.

• 1:08:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's the second one.

• 1:08:11Speaker 05

  I went to sue the hospital and I was just like, yo, hold on.

• 1:08:14Stavros Halkias?

  He's little. You grabbed him out? You grabbed him by the by the lip? So that's actually good. It's actually good you're here because if you weren't, I would be much more negative to this guy. But but look, here's the thing. You kept it a little too twisted in enjoying some condomless sex. That you were keeping it too twisted. And there's there's a there's a type of there's a level of twisted that you want to keep it. You kept it a little too twisted. Okay. I tell people all the time, man, if you pull out, the pullout method is very dangerous. Because if you you gotta be at least if you're not jerking off for at least thirty thirty five seconds before you're not. You need that buffer. You need the buffer. One million percent. Once you stop feeling like, oh, oh, you gotta get out of there.

• 1:08:58Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta get out the garage, bro. The sec the first hall, you're already cooked. You're already cooked. That little tickle? The tickle's over. That's it, bro. Pull the fuck out. Second, you're not Indiana Jones, dude. You're getting trapped in the temple. For real? You're not sliding. The door is crushing your legs. You're not fucking Harrison Ford, bro. You're like.

• 1:09:22Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck twins.

• 1:09:26Stavros Halkias?

  Fraternal. I can't even do cool Instagram shit with them.

• 1:09:32Stavros Halkias?

  I can't make them into TikToks. Wear them out on TikTok.

• 1:09:36Stavros Halkias?

  So like your head's in the right place where it's like, yeah, get a get a more substantial job. I don't know if it's trade school, whatever you're good at. Do someone just like, you know, maybe it even you said you're not a good waiter. You could you could make good money in the service industry. If you want to be like a professional waiter, whatever. Go to trade school if you want, if you have an in anywhere. I mean, you're you're an old fashioned like, how do I make enough money to survive mode right now? Which silver lining, when if you're a sort of like millennial or Gen Z, without anything anchoring in your life, the silver lining here is you do have motivation. You have something anchoring you. Get a fucking worry about the kid first and foremost. And then, you know, look at our friend here on the couch.

• 1:10:21Stavros Halkias?

  Slowly but surely build up your creative pursuits. It's gonna be a different it's gonna be a different life than you thought you. A hundred percent. Right? It is. It just is. It's gonna take a little longer for you, but that doesn't even mean you have to abandon what you want. We're not even telling you quit on your dreams. We're just saying. Chip away at them a little bit. Yeah, like, you know, slide them around on the priority board. You know what I mean? Cause the baby's number one. A hundred percent. Shorty's number two. Yeah. You're number, you're number three. You know what I mean? And then under you is like your, your, your passions, your dreams. Your hopes and dreams. And right, and between those actually is an ice cold can of twisted tea, I would say. Right. I would say somewhere between you and your passions. Nothing will help you think better.

• 1:11:02Stavros Halkias?

  Nothing will help you get that one man show going more than an ice cold brewed with real iced tea can. You shotgun two of those. And in 21 years, you and that little baby will be, will be outside in your beautiful home in Los Angeles, cracking open, right on their 21st birthday, an ice cold can of twisted tea. Twisted tea, yo. So, uh, that's been this week's twisted ass, motherfucking ass question of the week. Fuck.

• 1:11:32Stavros Halkias?

  And we're rooting for you, pal. Yo, go get it, go get, yo, listen, now's the time. Rubbish, rubbish, beat the road, motherfucker. Get in gear, dog, cause that baby is coming whether you like it or not. Respect. You're gonna be okay, pal.

• 1:11:46Stavros Halkias?

  You tough, right? You're tough, man, we believe in you. Let's do a couple more calls here, LD.

• 1:11:54Stavros Halkias?

  Did we catch you off guard? Should I get a new agent? That was crazy, bro. Yo, no, nigga. Actually get the agent out of here. Like, they're gonna take a percentage. It's over, dude, you gotta fucking. 10% belongs to your kid. Yeah. Come on.

• 1:12:09Speaker 10

  Hi, Stoff, hi, Eldis, hi, guest, esteemed guest. Um, so I don't really have a, like a question, it was more just an issue, if I'm trying to cut right to it. Um, so me and my husband, we've been married for about like three years now. And we're relatively young. Um, I'm 24 and he's 26. So I just generally feel bad because recently, um, me and my husband, when we're having sex, it's been cool, it's been whatever, we're trying new things, he wanted me to eat his ass. I do that, that was fine. At first I was like, dude, that's kinda gay, but I felt bad even thinking about it.

• 1:12:45Stavros Halkias?

  Your wife hitting you with paws? Yo, yo, make your eyes, but yo, she's like, uh, ay, yo.

• 1:12:52Speaker 04

  You want a what?

• 1:12:53Stavros Halkias?

  She hit you with your Ayo. Your wife hit you with Ayo.

• 1:13:01Speaker 04

  Yo, yo, Paul, shit, yo, yo, Paul, yo. She turned into a 5%er from Brooklyn? Yo, yo, God, chill, God. You want me to do what, God? Nah, man, that's where the waste extrament comes out, God.

• 1:13:15Speaker 04

  That's filth, God.

• 1:13:17Stavros Halkias?

  Respect, respect. Okay, keep going, Aldous.

• 1:13:19Speaker 10

  Bad even thinking that, because I'm like, obviously, he's not gay. And now it's kind of progressed into like, first, he wanted me to use that.

• 1:13:26Stavros Halkias?

  Uh oh.

• 1:13:26Speaker 10

  Now he wants me to put like my finger up his butt. And the part, I just, I just feel bad because in my head, I'm like, dude, you're gay. But he's not, obviously, he's not.

• 1:13:35Stavros Halkias?

  This girl's awesome.

• 1:13:37Speaker 10

  But I, I don't know how to, I guess, process it. I don't even know what I'm even asking. I just know, I just feel bad.

• 1:13:43Speaker 04

  You don't know how to, how to stick your finger in your own butt?

• 1:13:46Stavros Halkias?

  Practice, and she feels bad for him? What is going, what is?

• 1:13:50Speaker 10

  In that way, because I don't want.

• 1:13:51Speaker 03

  She's feeling like, uh, weird about doing it because she does think it is kind of gay in her head.

• 1:13:57Stavros Halkias?

  So our joke about her being like, chill, it's true. So, okay, so there's two things I'm hearing. One is, in the back of her mind, she thinks it's kind of gay and doesn't really like it that much. But two is, she also sounds like she wants him to have a good experience.

• 1:14:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:14Stavros Halkias?

  And feels like she doesn't know how to practice or put her heart and soul into it. And listen, I mean, first of all, I do think you have to let go of the it being gay.

• 1:14:26Speaker 04

  It's gay, bro, it's just sex.

• 1:14:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and listen, maybe, maybe your husband, who knows where he is on the Kinsey scale.

• 1:14:31Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:14:32Stavros Halkias?

  But he clear, he seems straight enough to you, it seems like, right? Unless you think this is, this is an act, he actually is gay, but that's not how you find this out.

• 1:14:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, nah.

• 1:14:42Stavros Halkias?

  In fact, the guy who was in the closet, I think, would not ask you to do butt stuff.

• 1:14:48Speaker 04

  What are you doing? Stop that. That's gross. I don't like that, stop. Why would you do that?

• 1:14:56Stavros Halkias?

  Chill.

• 1:14:56Speaker 04

  That's for gay people. I'm not like that.

• 1:15:01Speaker 05

  Like chill, nah, maybe try, a hundred percent.

• 1:15:03Stavros Halkias?

  So in some ways, I think this, this is actually someone who's very comfortable with you.

• 1:15:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:08Stavros Halkias?

  And is it, just happens to be into, you know, some butt play.

• 1:15:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:13Stavros Halkias?

  He might, look, there's straight guys who wanna get, uh, fucked by, you know, wanna get pegged. And it sounds like, if I had to put my money on it, you might be, you might be traveling down that path.

• 1:15:24Speaker 05

  You feel me? I feel like that's.

• 1:15:25Stavros Halkias?

  This might be, yeah, exactly.

• 1:15:26Speaker 05

  We're just incrementally getting up to pegging, you know what I'm saying?

• 1:15:28Stavros Halkias?

  It feels like that. Um, so really, it comes down to, you're gonna have to let that, you know, is this gay stuff go?

• 1:15:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:36Stavros Halkias?

  And you're just gonna have to treat it as any other, like, when you're in a relationship and your partner wants you to do something that, it's not exactly your bag, you're not exactly pumped to do it, treat it just like that. That happens, there's compromise, there's trying, trying different stuff, you might get into it, along you go on.

• 1:15:53Speaker 05

  It's like relationship shit, bro.

• 1:15:54Stavros Halkias?

  And also like, take this as an opportunity, if you're doing some sexual exploration, is there something you want, right? To try, is there some shit you want him to get into, you know what I mean?

• 1:16:03Speaker 05

  You wanna like, put toothpicks in your, in your labia, whatever, like, open your, speculum and shit, like, you know, whatever.

• 1:16:09Stavros Halkias?

  If that's your thing, you know, try it out. This might just be, now, this could be a miss, a mismatch in terms of freaky levels.

• 1:16:15Speaker 05

  I was about to say, I was like, it sounds like he's a super freaky motherfucker, and you're just like a regular shorty.

• 1:16:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:16:20Speaker 05

  And like, you're like, oh, ass eating, that's crazy. I'm like, bro, we, uh, listen, I'm a forty year old man, dog, like, shout out to all the women that eat ass out there.

• 1:16:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:30Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? Cause if you go on, listen, I eat pussy, like, I'm starving.

• 1:16:33Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:16:34Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm all, wow, wow, wow, wow, I'm all in the pussy, I'm all, all up in the ass, like, everywhere, just like, this is.

• 1:16:39Stavros Halkias?

  You're getting in there.

• 1:16:40Speaker 05

  This whole section is for me, is, has nerve endings, you know what I'm saying? That, that bring you pleasure, shorty, so I'm, I'm getting into all of that.

• 1:16:47Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:16:47Speaker 05

  The same thing with dudes, you know what I'm saying? Like, yo, if you talking about dick, you know what I'm saying? And you get, and you get in the balls and the taint area, and you do a little.

• 1:16:54Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not mad.

• 1:16:54Speaker 05

  In the booty hole, I ain't mad at that.

• 1:16:56Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not mad.

• 1:16:56Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:17:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, sometimes you gotta keep it twisted on the butt, on the butthole.

• 1:17:03Speaker 05

  On the butthole. But like you said, I think it's a situation where she feels, that he feels comfortable enough with her, with you, shorty, to be like, yo, I'm, as a man who is straight, gonna ask you to eat my ass in confidence.

• 1:17:16Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:17:16Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? Cause he probably is not putting that shit in the group chat with his mans.

• 1:17:19Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:17:19Speaker 05

  Yo, my girl eat my ass. That's like, that shit was fire, like.

• 1:17:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:22Speaker 05

  And he out getting fingered?

• 1:17:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:25Speaker 05

  You know what I mean?

• 1:17:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:27Speaker 05

  You know, depending on his group of friends, you know?

• 1:17:29Stavros Halkias?

  True. No, I'm with you.

• 1:17:30Speaker 05

  He may not be toxic.

• 1:17:31Stavros Halkias?

  And I, the other thing is you're like, you guys are both young. That's another thing of getting married young. It's like, she's 24, so to her, this feels very freaky. Whereas like, you know, if she was, if she was even single for the amount of years they've been married, cause she's 24 now, eldest? So they've been married a couple of years? So they've been probably dating since they were kids?

• 1:17:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:17:54Stavros Halkias?

  Right? So it's like, that's another element. It's like, this is all part of growing together. You're being, this seems weirder to you than it actually is.

• 1:18:01Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:18:01Stavros Halkias?

  Because this might be one of the only few people you've ever had sex with, right?

• 1:18:04Speaker 05

  A hundred percent.

• 1:18:05Stavros Halkias?

  And maybe not, maybe you were freak the year before you guys met. I don't know, but that's, it all is trending in that direction. So, I think this is fine. I think this is a chance for you to kind of let go of your, it's not prudishness, it's just you're a little sexually sheltered because you got married young. The hangups, exactly. And this is a chance to grow and, and I would say, take this opportunity, if there's shit you wanna try, and really think about it too, you know? Uh, but you don't have to pra- just, you'll practice well, the more you do it and it seems to be here to stay though. From the little I know about your husband, this ain't going away.

• 1:18:38Speaker 05

  It's not, it's not, you're not walking that back.

• 1:18:40Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 1:18:41Speaker 05

  Cause I felt like in the beginning of the call, she was just trying to figure out like, yo, how do I get him to stop?

• 1:18:45Stavros Halkias?

  Escape route. This is not happening.

• 1:18:46Speaker 05

  How do I ask him to stop asking me to eat his ass?

• 1:18:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:49Speaker 05

  It's not happening, ma.

• 1:18:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:50Speaker 05

  Like, he's gonna ask for more things.

• 1:18:51Stavros Halkias?

  This is your life now.

• 1:18:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:53Stavros Halkias?

  Till death do us part.

• 1:18:54Speaker 05

  Till death do us part.

• 1:18:55Stavros Halkias?

  One of the implied ones in your vows was ass eating.

• 1:18:58Speaker 05

  Yo, I vow to eat your ass every Wednesday.

• 1:19:02Speaker 05

  With some, with the little honey bear.

• 1:19:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, good luck. That's cute. We're rooting for you. I think you're gonna, I think you're gonna grow to love eating your husband's ass.

• 1:19:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. And then listen, and if it don't work out with y'all, cause y'all got married young, a lot, you know, divorce rates are high in America. So the next man is gonna be like, wow, you know what I mean? You're gonna be a champ.

• 1:19:20Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 1:19:21Speaker 05

  Oh shit, I ain't never had this before. Whoa, oh shit.

• 1:19:25Stavros Halkias?

  You become addicted to eating ass? It's possible.

• 1:19:27Speaker 05

  Yo, come on.

• 1:19:28Stavros Halkias?

  We're rooting for you though. You're gonna be fine.

• 1:19:30Speaker 05

  You be alright.

• 1:19:31Stavros Halkias?

  You'll be alright.

• 1:19:31Speaker 05

  Cut it out.

• 1:19:32Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, LD?

• 1:19:33Speaker 05

  You gotta be freaky.

• 1:19:33Speaker 06

  Hey, this is Will Arnett, host of Smartless. Smartless is a podcast with myself and Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman, where each week one of us reveals a mystery guest to the other two. We dive deep with guests that you love, like Bill Hader, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Kristen Stewart, and tons more. So join us for a genuinely improvised and authentic conversation filled with laughter and newfound knowledge to feed the smartless mind. Listen to Smartless now on the Sirius XM app. Download it today.

• 1:20:09Speaker 00

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends, everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:20:24Stavros Halkias?

  You do have to be a little freaky.

• 1:20:25Speaker 11

  Hey, Stavi, Eldis, and beautiful guests. I wrote this down, so if it comes across.

• 1:20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Wrote it down.

• 1:20:30Speaker 11

  That's why. But about 10 years ago, my dad passed away suddenly. I was 19 and he was only 48. His life insurance policy named my uncle as the beneficiary with the understanding that the money would be split between my brothers, my kids. Instead, my piece of shit uncle kept almost all of it for himself. About $140,000.

• 1:20:53Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, bro, that's crazy. I'm trying to think of that.

• 1:20:57Speaker 05

  You gotta shoot this nigga, man. Like, I'm sorry.

• 1:21:00Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane. You do your nephew like that and your brother and you're just like, fuck you, I'm stealing your money?

• 1:21:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, you gotta sneak him, bro. Yeah, you gotta sneak him.

• 1:21:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy.

• 1:21:12Speaker 05

  You gotta get jumped.

• 1:21:12Stavros Halkias?

  Keep going. What else we missing?

• 1:21:16Speaker 11

  He has paid us back since, so there's at least that.

• 1:21:19Stavros Halkias?

  He paid it back?

• 1:21:20Speaker 11

  But, once again, I, I-

• 1:21:22Speaker 03

  Since that happened, the uncle has paid it back.

• 1:21:25Speaker 04

  Oh, so you, uh, don't shoot him.

• 1:21:25Stavros Halkias?

  To who, though? I'm, I'm sorry.

• 1:21:27Speaker 03

  Because, because the dad was like, when he, when I die, my brother gets this and he's gonna split it amongst my three sons.

• 1:21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 1:21:36Speaker 03

  Yeah. But the uncle has paid it back to all of them.

• 1:21:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, so he took, he spent it and then he paid it back? Oh, okay.

• 1:21:41Speaker 04

  Uh, so it was a payday loan.

• 1:21:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, whatever, that's fine. I'm actually all the way back to now, you're a bitch for being mad at that.

• 1:21:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:47Stavros Halkias?

  Your, your uncle, basically, your uncle did what all banks do. Banks don't hold your money, they do business with it and then bring it back.

• 1:21:55Speaker 04

  Yeah. I was like, my kids was asking me like, yo, is there, is there billions of dollars in the bank? I was like, no, stupid. I was like, how do you fi- they give out loans and shit like that. Like, that's what they do.

• 1:22:04Stavros Halkias?

  It's all a game of musical chairs. We're fucked if everybody wants their money.

• 1:22:08Speaker 04

  And poof.

• 1:22:08Stavros Halkias?

  Um, okay, so, I'm a little confused, but let's finish up.

• 1:22:11Speaker 11

  I just, it was horrible and I just cannot forgive him. Um, I've been in therapy for years, uh, with a lot, just life in general, and this comes up a lot, and the answer always ends up being forgiveness, you know, just to forgive him. But I just can't get there. I don't, I don't feel right about it.

• 1:22:29Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:22:30Speaker 11

  Um, that being said, I don't really let it control or affect her in my life. I have a great career, my dating life is going really well. I'm generally an overall very happy person.

• 1:22:41Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:22:41Speaker 11

  I'm cordial with him when I have to see him, a couple times a year I do, but I hate being in the same room with him. I truly cannot stand it.

• 1:22:49Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:22:50Speaker 11

  My brothers and my mom, sister, have forgiven him since, and, uh, like I said, though, I, I just haven't and I don't think I will. He stole the last thing my father left for me, the thing he worked very hard, um, you know, to, to make sure that he was going to be providing for his children.

• 1:23:07Speaker 04

  He borrowed the last thing your dad left you.

• 1:23:09Speaker 03

  He doesn't say this, but I think it's, it, it, it sounds like it's a little more turbulent than, oh, I'm just gonna borrow this money and pay it back eventually. I'm assuming, I'm assuming they had to like chase after him. Who knows if it got legal?

• 1:23:20Speaker 04

  They had to find him in Turkey with a new hairline and shit like, yo, he got a, he, this motherfucker got a BBL and a hairline with our money? What the fuck you doing out here?

• 1:23:29Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, so, I understand, okay, so, probably what happened is, but my, my question is, was there a moment he was supposed to give it to you? And you went to get it, there was zero mon- were you, did he fuck you in a way where you were expecting it and it didn't come?

• 1:23:43Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:23:43Stavros Halkias?

  And now, and he only paid it back like 15 years later? Like, that's my question, is how, let, what, first thing is, how big a sin is this, right? Because again, it's annoying, but also you do have the money now, right? Did you ever need the money and it wasn't there because your uncle took it? Then I understand a little more of this, right? That's number one. Number two, though, I think this is clearly, this is so intertwined with the grief about your dad.

• 1:24:11Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:12Stavros Halkias?

  That, I mean, to me, that's the larger thing here, right? That you're a kid when he goes, but you're kind of in the worst age because you think you're an adult, right? You're 19, so you think you have, and you have, you have all these like super, supercharged emotions. You don't know how to handle them. You're at the worst possible place you can be because you think you're smart enough to handle them. But you're also like young, hormonal, all over the place. And, and this guy, this uncle, does a really fucked up thing, which is he steals, he essentially steals from you, and, and he steals the, symbolically, your dad's last wish. So it's like he's taking your money, but he's also disrespecting your father who you lost unexpectedly and tragically.

• 1:24:53Stavros Halkias?

  And I think, this is a way for you to still, the longer you're pissed about this, the longer your dad is actively in your life in a way. It's like there's a piece of open business that your dad was directly involved in. And I think, really, my guess is, you have to let go, this is like the last piece, of like fully accepting that, you know, your dad is like, like, it's just, it's hard to let go of that anger because it's like, it's justified on the behalf of your father, who's not in your life anymore, and that's fucking, that's a serious bummer, right?

• 1:25:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:25:31Stavros Halkias?

  And so that, my only thing is, look, really think about how much this guy fucked you. Because if if it's the kind of thing where you were you needed that thirty grand for

• 1:25:40Speaker 05

  You wrote a check for a down payment on a house or shit.

• 1:25:43Stavros Halkias?

  Your mom needed it to pay for the house.

• 1:25:45Speaker 05

  Fucking kidney or some shit, yeah.

• 1:25:47Stavros Halkias?

  If there was a if this guy really wronged you in some way, I understand it a little more. I would still say work towards forgiveness, but I understand it a little more. But be real about yourself, about how big this sin was, what it really cost you. Um, because if it really does boil down to, he took some of the money. You know, he was annoying about paying it back. We had to wait an extra few years to get the money back. That sucks and you should be mad at him a little bit, but it is the thing that I think you could ultimately forgive.

• 1:26:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:20Stavros Halkias?

  And I think you have to be real about yourself about where these feelings are coming from. And really think about the grief and about like, you know, letting go of it. And, you know, in some ways, it's like, do you really want the the constant feel like? This is a feeling that that's intertwined with your father, but it's also a negative one. It's also like, and it's like, and letting that rule you kind of stops you from like, having the the constant presence in your life. Because you're saying it's something he's mad about like daily, he's saying. I think you'd be better off to try and transition that into like happy memories of your dad.

• 1:26:56Speaker 05

  That's it.

• 1:26:57Stavros Halkias?

  As opposed to like this fucking anger at your dickhead uncle, right?

• 1:27:01Speaker 05

  The other thing is too, like, I don't know how many siblings your dad had. But if he chose your uncle to be the one that's distributing this money, that means that they must have been, unless he's like, you know, it was it was.

• 1:27:12Stavros Halkias?

  Did they get divorced, I guess? Why would he give it to his wife? He didn't say.

• 1:27:16Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:27:17Stavros Halkias?

  It'd be so funny if they weren't divorced and he chose his brother.

• 1:27:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, my brother.

• 1:27:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's some real immigrants just too.

• 1:27:22Speaker 05

  He's like, you know, women don't know how to handle money.

• 1:27:24Stavros Halkias?

  His brother knew he was cheating. He's like, alright.

• 1:27:26Speaker 05

  He's like, yo.

• 1:27:27Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, they're gonna be mad at you.

• 1:27:28Speaker 05

  They're gonna find out.

• 1:27:29Stavros Halkias?

  Use the hundred K to pay it back. Like, is there like a secret agreement with him? He's like, look, just fucking do it.

• 1:27:36Speaker 05

  Fine. That's what I'm saying, like, you you might be missing out on like a like a bonus dad. You know what I'm saying? Like, if your dad and your uncle were very close, you know what I'm saying? And they and they're maybe they share some similarities. You could you could, you know, channel your dad to your uncle, which might be an unhealthy thing, but like. You know, you got a father figure presence type of person still in your life. You know what I'm saying? That you can mend fences with. Why not?

• 1:28:01Stavros Halkias?

  And also, how old is he eldest? Did he say?

• 1:28:04Speaker 03

  He said he was nineteen when his dad died ten years ago, so he's twenty-nine.

• 1:28:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, you about to be thirty, champ. Come on.

• 1:28:10Stavros Halkias?

  This is also, I also will give you a pass in terms of like, I get these like, I would say, everything we talked about, really look at all your feelings and also, be open to it at least. Cause I think the first step for me reconciling with people that I never did was being like, I don't feel this way right now, but if it comes up, I'm not gonna fight it. Right? Like, cause that's another thing of like, you don't wanna hold, you don't wanna be doing the work to stay angry. You happen to be angry, you happen to be angry. But if there's a time where you don't even give a fuck, like, truly, a lot of the shit with my dad is like, I got to the point where I'm like, I don't fucking care. I'm a grown man. Who gives a fuck that he wasn't, that he skipped out on a couple important things? That mattered to me when I was even in my twenties, but

• 1:28:55Stavros Halkias?

  when you get to a point where you're like, I don't, and you might get to a point where you're like, money gets tight as fuck for you, or you've, you have to do something where you're like, whoa, this is fucked, this is borderline a little, and I'm not even saying close to what your uncle did, but you might start to just understand when life gets fucked up and you like,

• 1:29:12Speaker 05

  You gotta bust a mole.

• 1:29:13Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows, right? I'm just saying, at least be open to forgiveness, cause I've been there too, where I've stopped myself from, like, I've been ready to forgive and I'd be like, no, fuck that, I'm still mad at this person. And ultimately, the only person that hurts is you.

• 1:29:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, cause you just, you the only one sitting there stewing like, man, fuck this motherfucker. Your uncle's getting jerked off somewhere, like, he's chilling, like, eating a cheesesteak, I don't know what the fuck he's doing.

• 1:29:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:36Speaker 05

  But he's chilling. He paid that money back, his conscience is clear.

• 1:29:39Stavros Halkias?

  He probably is. He's probably like, what the fuck's your problem?

• 1:29:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, why you tripping, bro? Like, your brother's good, the other one's chilling, your mom is chilling, like, nobody's mad at me except you.

• 1:29:47Stavros Halkias?

  True. Think about that. Like, again, I don't know, I don't wanna be, this armchair, this whole show is armchair psychology, obviously. Don't take it, this is not medical, do not fucking listen to me. I'm a fucking idiot, I might be completely fucking wrong.

• 1:29:58Speaker 03

  Me too.

• 1:30:00Stavros Halkias?

  But, really, you might, we don't, I don't wanna, I'm not gonna tell you you're in the wrong, but I am saying like, I think there is something more than the situation that's causing this intense anger. I do. That's my, that's my read on it.

• 1:30:13Speaker 05

  It's not just the money, cause obviously he said too, like, yo, I have a good job. Like, I'm in a healthy relationship, shit's going good. So let it go, let it go champ. Or like Stom said, at least, I think about it.

• 1:30:25Stavros Halkias?

  Think about it in this way and also be open to letting it go.

• 1:30:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:30:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's the first step to potentially letting it go. You got something fun for us to go out on here, little Elvis? And we should say, by the way- Sorry, I don't know why I chose- Before we do that, we should plug, whatever you want to plug here, you know, you got a ton of cool shit going on.

• 1:30:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, man. Yo, you know, this is your buddy Kid Mero, at the Kid Mero everywhere, on social media, even though I hate it.

• 1:30:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:49Speaker 05

  But check me out on there. Uh, shit, I'm hosting Hot 97, Mornings with Mero, every day, 6 to 10 a.m. on Hot 97.

• 1:30:56Stavros Halkias?

  They almost had to give you the job because it sounds so good. Mornings with Mero is fucking awesome. It's like, eh, like that must have helped you like 5%.

• 1:31:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The alliteration. All motherfuckers up there was like, yo, it's the alliteration. It flows off the tongue. It sounds great. I think we're gonna get a lot of political ads. We're gonna get a lot of political donation money from this.

• 1:31:17Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:31:18Speaker 05

  But yeah, so, uh, Mornings with Mero, you know what I'm saying? Victory Light, patreon.com slash Victory Light. It's also on YouTube, if you, you know what I'm saying? If you don't want to feed my children, that's fine. You know what I mean? Uh, 7 p.m. in Brooklyn with Carmelo Anthony.

• 1:31:29Stavros Halkias?

  Now, Melo, I say hello, please. We met at the Ravens game. He had, he obviously had no idea who I was, but he was delighted by the like, you know, they just showed me, they, I'm like the fat, I'm like the fat fan.

• 1:31:41Speaker 05

  You're like the son of Baltimore, huh?

• 1:31:43Stavros Halkias?

  I was just on the fucking thing, like Melo was like, you know, giving a wave, getting a huge pop. And it goes, I'm right after Melo, I'm like, ah, fuck the Steelers.

• 1:31:53Stavros Halkias?

  And he was, he was enjoying, but like, just tell him I say hello, you know, just, uh, he's one of the fucking greatest.

• 1:31:59Speaker 05

  Yo, you gotta come through, man, like-

• 1:32:00Stavros Halkias?

  Anytime, anytime.

• 1:32:01Speaker 05

  Yo, I've been to tell you, bro-

• 1:32:02Stavros Halkias?

  A son of Baltimore.

• 1:32:03Speaker 05

  That shit is-

• 1:32:04Stavros Halkias?

  He does, that, that's my one beef with Melo, it's like-

• 1:32:06Speaker 05

  He reps Brooklyn a lot?

• 1:32:07Stavros Halkias?

  As soon as you got out of Baltimore, now you're Mr. Fucking Brooklyn. No mention of Towson Catholic. That goes away. The fucking, that goes away, dude. I'm just, that's my one little beef to, you know?

• 1:32:20Speaker 05

  Well, it's funny because when Rudy came on the show-

• 1:32:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yes, another, another Baltimore- Another Baltimore legend, absolutely.

• 1:32:25Speaker 05

  Like Bowler, you know what I'm saying? Like, he would bring his most about that shit all the time.

• 1:32:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:28Speaker 05

  So that was funny, but that shit, bro, that's the most fun show-

• 1:32:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:31Speaker 05

  I work on, period. Because it's like, dog. Fam, it is, it is like a weed clubhouse.

• 1:32:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:37Speaker 05

  Like, we just out there smoking weed, talking shit, like, yo, what we about to do? Yeah, we, yeah, we gonna talk about some basketball shit and like, ah, who's coming? Ah, Stauskas, let's talk about bug fights, okay, like, whatever. Let's just be smacked the entire time we do it. And this shit is bad fun. You gotta come up there.

• 1:32:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'd love to, man. Anytime.

• 1:32:52Speaker 05

  Some PM in Brooklyn was big Stavi.

• 1:32:54Stavros Halkias?

  Check all that shit out.

• 1:32:55Speaker 05

  I'm saying?

• 1:32:55Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, please do. One of our favorites, uh, you know, we've been fans forever. Me and Eldis, the, I mean, we, we lived in a shitty apartment in Astoria where we would fucking crush the Vice show. I mean, dude, we were, we were the number, we were number one. We were, it was on repeat.

• 1:33:09Speaker 05

  Everybody that, anybody, everybody in the world that was like into like Bodega Boys and, and DVM and all that shit and DNF, and they were like, yo, y'all gotta, yo, you, you ever fuck with Kung Town? They're like, they're like, they're like, they're like the white version of y'all.

• 1:33:25Stavros Halkias?

  It really was. And it was kinda like, and it broke up at the same time too.

• 1:33:32Speaker 05

  All my kids, bro, everybody was just like, yo, Meros Distavros of, of the, of Bodega. I was like, yo, what the fuck? I was like, is that, are you trying to say, is that like a backhanded compliment? Like, what are you trying to say?

• 1:33:43Stavros Halkias?

  Always. Every, every, every, uh, podcast related, uh, uh, like comparison is always backhanded. You know what I mean? It's both, they mean it, but it's also, they're getting at something as well.

• 1:33:54Speaker 05

  What are you trying to say?

• 1:33:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:55Speaker 05

  Like, what do you mean by that?

• 1:33:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:56Speaker 05

  Like, I'm the funniest one there?

• 1:33:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:58Speaker 05

  Okay, great.

• 1:34:00Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but yeah, no, it was, yeah, loved the show for real. It was, it was awesome when you, I mean, it was awesome watching you guys pop off and I've been fan of, you know, but we've been huge fans the whole time. So awesome to get to.

• 1:34:10Speaker 05

  This is wild, man. Yeah, nah, cuz I would, I started fucking with y'all. It was just like, yo, this is, yeah, yeah. I fuck with this. And then you just started doing your solo thing and I was just like, ah, this dude is fucking hilarious, man. So I've been watching his standup.

• 1:34:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, thanks, man.

• 1:34:24Speaker 05

  Locked in with you for a minute.

• 1:34:25Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah. Let's, let's go out on a fun one. Eldis, what do we got?

• 1:34:28Speaker 12

  Sorry, I don't know why I froze, but I'm pregnant with a baby boy and me and my husband are considering, uh, not getting him circumcised. And I'm not asking for medical advice from you guys, but,

• 1:34:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:34:41Speaker 12

  I wanna know your experience, like, as guys are, like, have, who have seen, um, you know, penises, interacting with them, like, what do you think culturally or societally?

• 1:34:52Stavros Halkias?

  We're three for three right now. We're unserved.

• 1:34:56Speaker 12

  What's your input on circumcision? Are we for it? Are we against it?

• 1:35:00Stavros Halkias?

  Boo. Don't mutilate your child.

• 1:35:04Speaker 05

  Nah. You know what's so ill?

• 1:35:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:07Speaker 05

  When a boxer comes to a ring and they're like this.

• 1:35:12Speaker 04

  And then they get in the ring and they go like that.

• 1:35:15Speaker 05

  That's exactly what a foreskin is, bro.

• 1:35:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's right, that's right.

• 1:35:18Speaker 05

  It's an entrance, you know what I'm saying? Like your dick is hard and that shit just comes down? Like a drop top? Come on, bro. Like, if you're circumcised, you just got a weird little worm.

• 1:35:27Stavros Halkias?

  It's all fucked up, it's all callous.

• 1:35:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:35:29Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? You see the scars.

• 1:35:31Speaker 05

  Nasty.

• 1:35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Despicable.

• 1:35:33Speaker 05

  Come on, they cut your banjo string too and everything?

• 1:35:35Stavros Halkias?

  Imagine the baby. Imagine, you want, that's what you want to do? That's how you want to welcome your son to the world?

• 1:35:40Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:35:40Stavros Halkias?

  Chopping his penis?

• 1:35:41Speaker 05

  That's wild, bro.

• 1:35:42Stavros Halkias?

  Taking a knife to his little ass dick?

• 1:35:44Speaker 05

  That's wild.

• 1:35:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's disgusting. So, listen. And, and I've never, by the way, people have talked about, you know, women will be like, oh, they're, they look weird. Like, people will call in and be like, no, I've had one, exactly one woman be weird about my uncircumcised penis in my whole, and she was just kind of weird to begin with.

• 1:36:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:36:04Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? It wasn't a great situation, it was like a horrific motel after a gig in Virginia. When I, and it was like one of my first ever headlining shows.

• 1:36:13Speaker 05

  Brother, you said motel in Virginia.

• 1:36:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:15Speaker 05

  That's all you needed to say?

• 1:36:16Stavros Halkias?

  It was brutal stuff. She wouldn't give me head because I was, she just gave me the worst handjob of all time. I'm still, I'm still mad about that, but don't let that villain, don't let that villainous woman affect your little boy's penis.

• 1:36:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, bro, let it rock.

• 1:36:34Stavros Halkias?

  We've all had a great, everyone here has had a nice experience uncircled.

• 1:36:39Stavros Halkias?

  And we, we can't hi, you know, very highly recommend it. No problems here, no one's been weird about, has anybody been weird about it to you?

• 1:36:47Speaker 05

  I'm trying to remember, like, if there was ever a time, but I think one time, this girl was like, yo, like, it smells funny. And I was like, bitch, I've been outside for like two days straight. I haven't showered in two days.

• 1:37:02Speaker 05

  A foreskin will also have you cleaning your dick.

• 1:37:04Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:37:04Speaker 05

  Like, you know what I'm saying? Like thoroughly.

• 1:37:07Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:37:08Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? Like, so, you know, if you see an uncut dude, ladies or gentlemen, you know what I'm saying? Whatever you into? If you see a dude that's uncut, that dick is probably clean.

• 1:37:17Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 1:37:17Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:37:18Stavros Halkias?

  Hygiene is very important, so don't mutilate your young, beautiful boy.

• 1:37:22Speaker 05

  Don't do all that.

• 1:37:23Stavros Halkias?

  We're rooting for you and consider naming the child Stavros.

• 1:37:27Speaker 05

  Or Mero.

• 1:37:27Stavros Halkias?

  Or Mero. Yeah, beautiful. Those are two strong options. Do whatever you do, do not name it Aldous.

• 1:37:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's gonna do it for us, Mero. Thanks for coming, brother. You're so fucking awesome. Thank you for having me. And we will talk to you guys next time. Bye bye.

• 1:37:51Speaker 13

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• 1:38:04Speaker 00

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart Salsa with Flavors. White Claw Salsa Works, Chicago, Illinois.