Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 808: Let Your Body Be the Dumpster About this episode This episode was recorded on April Fool’s Day but we swear there are no pranks. Like for real. None whatsoever. Just some classic candy boys talkin’ about looking for shinies in egg town, Yoshiplay, and ways to distract your tongue.
Suggested Talking Points: Talkin’ Sectos, Daddy Loves the Crunch, How Gaston Got His Name, BoyTongue. Pizza, The Tiniest Peps on Planet Earth
Marsha P. Johnson Institute: https://marshap.org/
Transcript 10,736 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:17 Travis McElroy? What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother Travis, Big Dog Wolf of Room from the heater award-winning McElroy.
1:23 Griffin McElroy? What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, sweet baby brother, Travis McElroy.
1:31 Travis McElroy? I get it.
1:32 Griffin McElroy? April Fools, you guys.
1:33 Travis McElroy? Guys, it's me. It's fucking me, Griffin.
1:37 Travis McElroy? In all seriousness, no April Fool. I have a big announcement.
1:41 Griffin McElroy? This is not an April Fool?
1:42 Travis McElroy? Yeah, gonna get my vasectomy redone.
1:46 Griffin McElroy? Redone?
1:47 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
1:47 Griffin McElroy? Not re...
1:49 Travis McElroy? No, wait, sorry. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this a joke?
1:52 Travis McElroy? Well, I think I could streamline the whole process. Mostly it's for efficiency. Is that right now, I feel like the way that it was done wasn't that efficient. April Fools, you guys, I'm not getting my vasectomy redone.
2:05 Griffin McElroy? What the fuck, man?
2:07 Travis McElroy? It's not anything. You're worse than my kids.
2:09 Griffin McElroy? What the fuck, man? Why would you, why would you, first of all, why would you say that it was not a prank? Only to twist it, like, and to do it about something like really sensitive and like, when we talk about our sectos to each other, like, that's important brother stuff. And it feels like you've made a joke of it, and all of us.
2:28 Travis McElroy? Okay, then I will, then I will get it redone, since I made the joke.
2:32 Griffin McElroy? Saying you'll get it redone, it makes it sound like you got it reversed. And now you're getting it unreversed. And I don't see a scenario where.
2:41 Travis McElroy? No, that's not happening. I just think it could be sportier.
2:45 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
2:45 Travis McElroy? Sleeker.
2:46 Griffin McElroy? But, but, but, but, fuck you don't, because it was a goddamn prank joke on.
2:51 Travis McElroy? But now I'll do it seriously, because you're so mad, and I wanna fix the rift.
2:55 Griffin McElroy? I don't want you to get your vasectomy done. I don't want you to, I don't want anything to happen to you down there.
3:00 Travis McElroy? I could get the other one done. I just had one ball done the first time. I'll get the second ball done to even it out.
3:06 Griffin McElroy? Oh, guys, give me a sec, guys, give me a second.
3:11 Griffin McElroy? My, uh, recording stopped for some reason.
3:16 Griffin McElroy? Are we recording the backup?
3:18 Travis McElroy? We are, yes. Um, what I would probably do, Griff, is just...
3:25 Travis McElroy? Start again and recount?
3:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah, or however you wanna do it.
3:28 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna keep ours going.
3:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Sorry. Yeah, I don't know how that happened, guys.
3:34 Griffin McElroy? This is not April Fool's, sorry. I know it seems like it is. It seems like this might be like a really choice April Fool, but it's not. My shit really stopped.
3:40 Travis McElroy? Let me know, um, when you're ready.
3:43 Griffin McElroy? Okay, I am ready. This is fucked up, guys. This is not a prank. This is for real. My shit froze up and stopped, and so I don't have.
3:50 Travis McElroy? Okay, let's count.
3:52 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
3:53 Travis McElroy? One, two, three, four, five, six.
3:57 Griffin McElroy? April fucking fools, you guys. My shit wasn't broken. It was a prank the entire time.
4:04 Travis McElroy? You said it wasn't.
4:05 Griffin McElroy? But now, actually, but actually, what I just did was the prank. Because I did not, I did, I don't know if I even started my recording, if I'm being honest with you guys. So if I sound different now than I did for the first three minutes, it is because I did lose my, that, that audio. And we did have to take the backup, but now it's different. So like, it was, it was not a prank. Me saying it was a prank was a prank. So I'm like, three layers deeper than you fucking jabronis.
4:31 Travis McElroy? This morning, my kids came in at like 6:15 in an attempt to prank us. They were going to put some like rubber snakes and worms on Teresa's face. But they kicked something, they were, they kicked something as they came in and we woke up. But here is a little prank I played where I only woke up about 60% and heard we were going to prank you. And then I went back to sleep. But the end result of this was by the time I did get up at 6:45 to get them up and ready for school. They were ready for school. They were ready to go. And I was like, this is the best prank ever. Anytime you guys want to wake up early, minus the rubber snakes and worms on your mom's face.
5:15 Griffin McElroy? I would even take that.
5:16 Travis McElroy? If you guys are ready to go.
5:17 Griffin McElroy? If you're getting such a jump on it.
5:19 Travis McElroy? I would love that prank.
5:20 Griffin McElroy? I would love that prank.
5:21 Travis McElroy? Sounds so good. That prank sounds great. Here's the pranks that I woke up to today. First of all, Charlie warned Sydney about her quote cornucopia of pranks. So that kid's already sunk. She's a, she's going to be a nerd no matter what I do. The die is cast. But they had set up a quote cornucopia of pranks. That began with Sydney went in to wake them and they had put pillows under there and hidden in the bathroom to scream at her.
5:54 Travis McElroy? When she went to, which is good.
5:56 Griffin McElroy? That's good.
5:57 Travis McElroy? That one I heard about while I was showering. She was reporting this to me. I was like, that's good. Good prank. I like it. And then I go into the, the bathroom adjacent to the kitchen. And they have covered the toilet with Saran Wrap.
6:13 Griffin McElroy? Not as good, a little yucky that one.
6:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
6:16 Travis McElroy? But Cooper has made a turd out of Play-Doh and put it on top.
6:20 Griffin McElroy? That's awesome.
6:21 Travis McElroy? Which is a real thinker at this point, a thinker and a stinker as a prank. Cause it's like a floating turd.
6:26 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that might make you scared, like it's a ghost poop that's gotten into your toilet.
6:31 Travis McElroy? Then they're both like, oh, they really need something out of the fridge instantly. Both definitely need something out of the fridge. And I open the fridge and there's a picture of a scary girl that they've drawn. And I open it, it's like, I know somebody wants me to do something to this. Reaction, if someone wants some kind of reaction.
6:48 Griffin McElroy? Did you find it? Did you find it inside yourself? The correct?
6:50 Travis McElroy? Like, ah, afraid. And then Cooper's like, I want chocolate milk. And then I was like, okay, we wouldn't normally do that, but I see where this is going. And then as I'm about to unscrew the milk, they're both looking at me like, here it goes. Awesome. And then when I go to open the door, there's like just shit on the handle. And they're like, yeah, we put some stuff on there too. It's like, just like a fucking bonus. And then I realized every handle in the fucking house has this stuff on it. Has some sort of, it's like some sort of jelly-like substance, some sort of jelly-like substance.
7:23 Travis McElroy? They put jelly on it.
7:24 Travis McElroy? Careful the things you say. I now write children will jelly. They also, um, they, they've dyed the milk blue, which is fun.
7:35 Griffin McElroy? A prank on them more than anything, it sounds like.
7:37 Travis McElroy? Yeah, they just wanted me to, here's my favorite prank, they've done this every year. They take all the cushions off the couch and throw them on the floor.
7:46 Griffin McElroy? That's so fucking frustrating and good. Harmless in the exact right way. Real, absolutely harmless and harmful in equal measures, really good stuff.
7:57 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Do you guys remember that episode where Bam Margera took all of his parents' cushions off the couch and then they watched through security cameras while the parents came home and they were like, oh Bam.
8:08 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
8:09 Griffin McElroy? And then he jumped in there. He jumped in there. He just started slapping his dad's belly over and over and over.
8:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
8:15 Griffin McElroy? Over again. How come all of his pranks end that way?
8:18 Travis McElroy? Yeah, the, yeah, mine just in with messes that I have to clean up later.
8:22 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
8:23 Travis McElroy? I did one, I did one prank to my kids and they didn't even find it. I put, we have like a fam, I build a deck board for us and it's got like the family calendar on a screen and I added
8:36 Travis McElroy? to today's calendar from 10 to six, move grandpa Dan into the playroom.
8:41 Griffin McElroy? And that's really choice, dude.
8:42 Travis McElroy? I know, it's so good.
8:43 Griffin McElroy? There's still time. I mean, there's still time for them to discover this.
8:46 Travis McElroy? But they'll, by the time they get home from school, it will have passed. You know, like they needed to.
8:50 Travis McElroy? So you have to move grandpa Dan.
8:52 Travis McElroy? In the morning. What?
8:53 Travis McElroy? Move grandpa Dan in while they're at school and rehearsal and stuff. And then when they're like, what? Why is grandpa Dan living in the playroom? You could be like, I put it on the calendar.
9:04 Travis McElroy? Sorry, Trav. How would I get in touch with grandpa Dan?
9:09 Travis McElroy? How did you not have that man's phone number?
9:11 Travis McElroy? I forgot.
9:11 Travis McElroy? How would I, how on earth would I begin to approach grandpa Dan about his participation in this? That man doesn't participate at Sunday dinner conversation. I'm going to rope him into a grift.
9:21 Travis McElroy? I forgot that grandpa Dan went no contact with you, Justin.
9:25 Travis McElroy? No, that's not true. I helped him set up his email eight years ago.
9:29 Griffin McElroy? Mine didn't do any pranks.
9:30 Travis McElroy? I brought him a coat. Wait, no, no, hold on. I brought him a COVID test 18 months ago.
9:34 Griffin McElroy? That's huge.
9:34 Travis McElroy? I remember that now. I was at his house by myself.
9:36 Travis McElroy? Did you have a little note, like pinned to your shirt? It was like, grandpa Dan, this is Justin. You know him. You can accept a COVID test from him. It's safe.
9:46 Travis McElroy? I've tried to cut back on candy as I get older, but I've run into a problem. I can't stop sneaking a piece from my children's very large stash of candy that they've accumulated from Halloween, birthday parties, et cetera. If they haven't put it away and I have to do it for them, that's my perfect opportunity to sneak a fun size pack of Sour Patch Kids Twix or otherwise.
10:05 Griffin McElroy? Perfect, the perfect amount, the perfect fun size. Should be called adult size because it's the perfect amount for a grown up.
10:10 Travis McElroy? I think Edward Norton says in that SNL skit, they call it fun size. No argument here.
10:18 Travis McElroy? They mostly don't notice, but sometimes I have to pretend I don't know where the pack of Rolos they wanted to try has run off to. How can I curb this behavior and stop crushing the sugar filled dreams of my children? Also, what are your top five candies to sneak out of your children's supply? That's from crushing candy in California.
10:35 Griffin McElroy? Snickers, fun size Snickers bars are adult protein, energy nuggets and kids have no right. My kiddos don't like them. And so I feel zero guilt reaching it and grabbing these perfect, perfectly mouth sized go, go bars. That's like number one.
10:52 Travis McElroy? Yeah. My kids, there's something about like the nugget in there, you know, there's the peanuts in there. So that like, not all bits, but if it's like, whoa, somebody tried to throw like a trap into my candy bar and now there's like a crunchy thing, they're not going to go for it. And that's my favorite thing.
11:10 Griffin McElroy? That's my favorite is the crunch. Daddy loves the crunch and needs it.
11:14 Travis McElroy? I will also, saying you're an adult, you have to cut back. I understand health and whatnot, but one of my favorite things about being an adult versus the child is I can buy candy whenever I, I could have it. I can, I go to the store. I don't have to convince my dad to let me get candy anymore. I could just do it.
11:33 Griffin McElroy? That's what, yeah, number one candy boy.
11:36 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
11:36 Travis McElroy? Yeah, there's no prob, I've re, I've really recontextualized candy for myself, guys. Cause like, I feel like I went through a long time kind of avoiding candy, thinking it as a childhood thing. This, that's, uh, this best days are behind me. But as a young Freddie Highmore reminds us in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy. You know what I mean? Like you can just.
12:00 Griffin McElroy? Take that again. Give me, you were close on candy. Can you give me just one more read?
12:03 Travis McElroy? Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.
12:06 Griffin McElroy? That's good.
12:06 Travis McElroy? And I feel that way now. I'll, I'll just, you know, you don't need a reason.
12:11 Griffin McElroy? If, well, if they have reasons, I'll eat it. Yeah. Yeah. Reasons help. I'll do it.
12:16 Travis McElroy? All that chocolate and all that chew. Absolutely. That's never in Halloween candy. I would absolutely.
12:21 Griffin McElroy? I know, right?
12:22 Travis McElroy? I feel like if there's no reason to ever eat candy, right? Candy doesn't have to have a point. It's like candy. No reason to ever eat candy, then there can't be a reason to cut back.
12:32 Griffin McElroy? Yep.
12:32 Travis McElroy? Hmm.
12:34 Griffin McElroy? Good.
12:34 Travis McElroy? Right?
12:35 Griffin McElroy? Fully, there's nothing to, there's, there's. There's no behavior to nullify there, you're saying, because you don't need a, you don't need a reason to eat candy.
12:41 Travis McElroy? You just see some candy and you're like, fuck it.
12:43 Griffin McElroy? Fuck it.
12:44 Travis McElroy? I also. Eat a candy.
12:45 Griffin McElroy? Go for it.
12:45 Travis McElroy? In my younger, when I was in college. When I was in college in my twenties, I consumed, oh, a lot of alcohol.
12:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
12:54 Travis McElroy? Right? I don't do that anymore.
12:56 Griffin McElroy? The same.
12:57 Travis McElroy? No, I don't do that anymore.
12:58 Griffin McElroy? A hundred percent the same.
12:59 Travis McElroy? I'm.
13:00 Griffin McElroy? But the same as candy.
13:01 Travis McElroy? Let me finish my point. You monsters. I don't do that anymore because if I.
13:06 Travis McElroy? The TikTok already ended. Sorry, Trev.
13:10 Travis McElroy? I'm sorry, man. They, they already fucked up.
13:13 Griffin McElroy? The wheel, you know how the wheel goes around? Like, we were, we pushed it around. I'm sorry.
13:17 Travis McElroy? No, but okay, you, you used to.
13:19 Travis McElroy? If I have a glass of wine, nine times out of 10, my body's like headache time, right? That doesn't happen with candy, right? So my body is telling me, hey, candy is way better, right? There are so many worse things.
13:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
13:36 Travis McElroy? That I could put in my body. I can't come, cut back on everything at once.
13:42 Griffin McElroy? One time, this is cute and everything. One time I ate a, a five pound bag of Swedish fish over the span of about a month and a half because someone sent it to our P O. Box and my, uh, I consumed so much paraben wax that my body became a candle factory and it fucked up my system so bad that now when I eat too much candy, it does make me feel very sick. And I know that that's like my whole fucking thing around these parts. So like for me. Go ahead, Trav.
14:10 Travis McElroy? There's obviously an in-between, Griffin. You realize that, right? Like, get yourself a candy bar.
14:18 Travis McElroy? There's the other side of this. Yanus.
14:21 Travis McElroy? Ah, Yanus.
14:26 Travis McElroy? He's got me again.
14:27 Griffin McElroy? Two-faced serpent.
14:29 Travis McElroy? The other side is, I have had, I have kept bags of Cadbury Mini Eggs in my freezer long past the risen savior. And I, and I'll develop a sort of emotional dependence on them in a way that I know can't be good and will send me looking for them in May, which I am certain is not right.
14:49 Griffin McElroy? In many ways, you've given Candy.
14:51 Travis McElroy? I do understand the, the idea.
14:52 Griffin McElroy? In many ways, you've given Condi a point there, Juice. And I feel like maybe even when you give Condi a point, eh, that's when it turns on you. It must be.
15:00 Travis McElroy? Listen, yeah, yeah, yeah, the dependence on, maybe is it, is it too much of a point?
15:05 Travis McElroy? Who among us has not eaten a family-sized bag of Mini Heat Bars in one sitting to a point where they've given themselves so much jaw soreness and damage that they might have to seek out a dentist appointment? It happens.
15:19 Travis McElroy? Candy, that's, that's one of the, the best things about candy is when your body starts rejecting it. Like, they call it a jawbreaker because your body's like, what the fuck are you doing?
15:31 Griffin McElroy? Too big. Crazy.
15:32 Travis McElroy? You're gonna gnaw on this and grind your teeth down until it's at a point where I can perfectly choke on it? What is wrong with you?
15:40 Griffin McElroy? Hey, look.
15:41 Travis McElroy? To the question.
15:42 Griffin McElroy? Your priority needs to be not getting caught because kids fucking hate when you take their stuff. They hate that shit so much. Start out with the fruity tootsie rolls. Start out with your Jolly Ranchers. Things that don't carry a huge footprint. If you eat a whole bag of Skittles, they will notice that that is missing. That's too big of a footprint. They can see that shit from, from the top, looking down into the bear, into the barrel, the barrel of candy that you have.
16:03 Travis McElroy? For some reason, my kids, only when it comes to candy collected in the wild, say, gravitate towards the fruity, the sour, right, versus the chocolate. So like, that, especially the weirder chocolate, the weirder chocolate candies is usually safer. But I am, I am at once, a certain. Maturity has reached for the candy. You're gonna lose some to entropy anyways.
16:31 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
16:31 Travis McElroy? Right? So me eating some of it is really just keeping it out of the landfill.
16:37 Griffin McElroy? That's a really good point. That's really nice.
16:39 Travis McElroy? You let your body be the dumpster.
16:41 Griffin McElroy? We've talked a lot about candy recently.
16:43 Travis McElroy? I think about, I've been thinking about candy a lot lately. I just think it's great. You know what I mean? Like.
16:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. All three candy boys.
16:50 Travis McElroy? Candy is also better now than it ever has been. And that is something that's tough with like, when we were growing up, there was time to find a candy and really fall in love with it. And I feel like these days, science is working so fast and TikTok is working so fast. The candies are like wild, man. They like emotional candies. Like, like if you've seen like Dubai chocolate, that's a chocolate that takes you on an emotional journey where you feel like you're eating dusty, cotton candy halfway through. You know what I mean? And it's like, but it's good in a weird way. And then it's, yeah, yeah. And you feel at the end of it like you've been somewhere.
17:27 Travis McElroy? It's like Disney soaring.
17:29 Griffin McElroy? It takes.
17:30 Travis McElroy? You didn't move, but you went somewhere.
17:32 Travis McElroy? Yeah, exactly. It's transportative.
17:34 Griffin McElroy? It used to be back in the day, you'd get real into cream savers and then they stopped making cream savers. And then you'd be like, well, I guess I'm done having cream savers. But now you, anything's possible. Like you can get, there's a, there'll be some store, some boutique store that's like, we still do cream savers. We still do tastations. We fuck with all of that stuff. Nothing, nothing can, nothing will ever die.
17:53 Travis McElroy? Beautiful.
17:54 Griffin McElroy? Candy's good.
17:55 Travis McElroy? Beautiful, man.
17:57 Travis McElroy? I was at my local Sprouts the other day buying eggs. What's Sprouts? That grocery store, I guess?
18:01 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
18:02 Travis McElroy? My tongue seems to have a mind of its own and follows the, nope. I was at my local Sprouts the other day buying eggs. I looked through.
18:09 Griffin McElroy? I kept licking them. I licked all three egg in the goddamn store like I was a Yoshi monster.
18:14 Travis McElroy? I looked through three cartons and each one had one to two lightly cracked eggs. I realized it would be pretty easy to swap out some uncracked from other cartons for the cracked ones. And even to fix up the other cartons is how I went.
18:28 Travis McElroy? I started to swap cracked out for uncracks. And then I realized in the time it'd taken me already, there were other patrons watching and waiting for their turn with the eggs. I grabbed my now pristine carton and scurried away. Is it okay to build myself a box of good eggs?
18:44 Travis McElroy? Oh man. Just what I think, just what I think we've answered them all.
18:52 Travis McElroy? Okay, can I just say, I'm not, I'm not gonna finish the question, okay? You know the answer is no.
18:57 Griffin McElroy? Right, yeah, sure.
18:58 Travis McElroy? You know it, you know that to be true.
19:00 Griffin McElroy? And the way you know that, the way you know that is when you go to Egg Town in the grocery store, they don't hand you an empty carton and say, "Take your pick of our 12 finest."
19:08 Travis McElroy? Make your own six pack.
19:10 Griffin McElroy? You get what you get and you don't get upset. That's the rules of eggs at the grocery store.
19:16 Travis McElroy? Now, do your boys check them? Do you check, you check them though, right?
19:19 Griffin McElroy? Every time.
19:19 Travis McElroy? In this economy?
19:20 Griffin McElroy? I mean, in a, in any economy, I do think our mother probably ingrained in us that behavior. I checked that shit, uh, 10 times out of 10, got to.
19:27 Travis McElroy? But if I find a cracked one, I put it back. I just put that carton back.
19:31 Griffin McElroy? You'll find one.
19:32 Travis McElroy? And I keep looking till I find the shinies, you know what I mean?
19:35 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
19:36 Griffin McElroy? Dig down, they're in there.
19:37 Travis McElroy? Find a better one. I mean, you can't do this, you can't do this because the moment perception is reality to a certain point. And if another patron sees you place a cracked egg into a carton, you haul, you have for all intents and purposes, broken that egg.
19:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
19:55 Travis McElroy? Like you've put a broken, you've done it. You're culpable now, you've got, there's egg on your hands.
20:00 Travis McElroy? Well, this is also how you get a rush on things, right? People see this happening and then just somebody yells like, "Hey, this guy's taking all the good eggs."
20:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
20:09 Travis McElroy? He knows something we know.
20:12 Travis McElroy? Hey, we're running out of eggs. Everybody, quick.
20:16 Travis McElroy? Gaston came to town, he's eaten four dozen eggs every morning to help him get large. Get this guy.
20:23 Griffin McElroy? Do you think he would show up at the end of the day and be like, "If you have any dirty cracked ones, I'll eat them."
20:29 Travis McElroy? Listen, they're so expensive. If you have any dirty cracked ones, I'll eat those. I went to buy six eggs, they're too expensive. Please.
20:39 Travis McElroy? No, but he, Gaston, is 100% a Trump voter and is 100% complaining the most about the rising cost of eggs.
20:47 Travis McElroy? Uh huh.
20:47 Griffin McElroy? And it never, never betwixt the two shall meet.
20:50 Travis McElroy? Never the twain.
20:51 Griffin McElroy? Never.
20:51 Travis McElroy? He inflated the price in this town. He's eating four dozen eggs every morning.
20:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, right.
21:00 Travis McElroy? From a town where they're not, this is an old timey, futuristic town. They're not shipping and refrigerated eggs. The chickens are doing their goddamn best to keep up.
21:11 Griffin McElroy? They are so tired, these chickens.
21:13 Travis McElroy? It's why the woman goes to buy six eggs and they're too expensive because Gaston's sucking down all these.
21:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's not headcanon. She says eggs are too expensive and Gaston later says, I eat 50 eggs a day. Rounding up, you can safely round up my number of morning eggs to 50. It is not covered in the lyrics of the, of the work, but I do have to imagine that no one farts like Gaston. 50 eggs. 50 eggs is going to become something else in you. Every day, 50 eggs. That's so much eggs, my man. Who's the, who's the real beast? One of them's farts takes two and a half minutes to come out. Who's the real beast again? Remind me?
22:00 Travis McElroy? One of them was kind of rude to a witch who showed up in disguise.
22:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, when he was having a kick ass party and a stranger's like, let me in your house. And he was like, no.
22:10 Travis McElroy? And he was like, no, I don't think so. It was like, boom, you're a beast now until you find love. Meanwhile, Gaston is killing a generation of future chickens.
22:19 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
22:19 Travis McElroy? He's wiping them out single-handedly and the witch is like, keep it up, big guy.
22:24 Griffin McElroy? Gaston sharts so hard it creates two realities.
22:27 Travis McElroy? He was shat and did not shit. It fractures.
22:35 Travis McElroy? Throws darts like Gaston, or breaks hearts like Gaston, or lets out all those terrible egg sharks like Gaston.
22:45 Griffin McElroy? I feel like time is such a flat circle and we've been doing this show so long that I feel like we've written an entire Gaston shitting song before. I feel like
22:54 Travis McElroy? Almost certainly.
22:55 Griffin McElroy? And I feel like we've ramped into what is the toilet like in the Beast Mansion? That is a lot. Like there's this, we definitely hit those, hit those notes. I can, in situations like this, I only pray it's been more than 50 episodes. And this was not like something we did three months ago. Cause that's happened in the past and that's, that's not good for, for the old psyche.
23:17 Travis McElroy? Yeah. I kill toddlers whenever I fart. Thank you Gaston.
23:24 Griffin McElroy? He's full of gas that Gaston.
23:27 Travis McElroy? That's how he got the name Gaston.
23:30 Travis McElroy? The name.
23:31 Griffin McElroy? He rips on you, he says, you got Gaston and then he can.
23:35 Travis McElroy? I have what I call a curious tongue when I go to the dentist. My tongue seems to have a mind of its own and follows the dental tools around my mouth trying to see what is going on.
23:43 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
23:44 Travis McElroy? I feel embarrassed that if I let my guard down, my tongue starts wandering towards the scraper and getting in the way of the cleaning. What should I say beforehand or do if it happens again while I'm getting my teeth cleaned? That's from Licky Lucy in SoCal.
23:55 Travis McElroy? This happens to me. Your boy here got a big tongue, so I had to get a CPAP. My dentist, my dentist in the middle of this like three hour full work, like cleared my schedule. I gotta do this boy's crowns and cavities. My dentist was getting mad at my tongue. And here's what I'll tell you. My tongue's doing its job. That, that tongue, you're not letting your guard down. Your tongue's keeping its guard up.
24:22 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
24:23 Travis McElroy? Fighting off invaders, that's what your tongue should be doing.
24:26 Griffin McElroy? Yep. We were all.
24:28 Travis McElroy? Strongest muscle.
24:29 Griffin McElroy? Your tongue evolves.
24:30 Travis McElroy? People say that, people say that. The tongue is the strongest muscle, but I don't think it's right because if you think about how arms lift up weights.
24:39 Griffin McElroy? And tongue.
24:39 Travis McElroy? Many heavyweights, and if you attempted that with your tongue, it would be impossible. So I don't think that's right. The mini and the legs are muscles that keep up the body and that is quite a quite a task.
24:49 Travis McElroy? A tongue.
24:50 Travis McElroy? Don't think the tongue.
24:51 Travis McElroy? A tongue can start a war or or make peace.
24:55 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
24:55 Travis McElroy? Arm muscles do that.
24:57 Travis McElroy? Penis mightier kind of deal, then I'm I'm with you on that, but.
25:00 Travis McElroy? Can your arms start a war?
25:02 Griffin McElroy? That's beside the point. My tongue can't pick stuff like my tongue can't pick up a heavy weight.
25:07 Travis McElroy? I can whistle with my tongue.
25:09 Travis McElroy? Look at this. Your arms do that. Bigger. Like, look at the size of the arm muscle versus the tongue.
25:14 Travis McElroy? But per inch, if I had an arm sized tongue, I'd be fucking cranky.
25:19 Travis McElroy? But you know, you say that per inch, but tongues aren't that size, are they? I mean, they aren't.
25:24 Griffin McElroy? Well, they stretched out. I have a lot of inner tongue, so they do.
25:27 Travis McElroy? That would be like saying. One Oreo mini is an extremely satisfying dessert if it's very, very, very large, much larger than a regular Oreo.
25:36 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
25:36 Travis McElroy? That's not true. Saying it doesn't not make it so, you know?
25:40 Griffin McElroy? It's interested. Your tongue's interested. It doesn't often have visitors in there. It doesn't often have pokey poke like you don't often put mirrors in your mouth to like chill for a bit. So like, of course your tongue's interested. It's curious. It's curious and that's good for it.
25:54 Travis McElroy? Also, the rest of the time, I would say the amount of time, the percentage of time I spend a day actively thinking about what my tongue is doing and controlling it is very, very small.
26:07 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
26:07 Travis McElroy? Maybe, maybe 20% of the time I'm thinking about my tongue actively.
26:13 Griffin McElroy? 20%?
26:14 Travis McElroy? Idea that it's like right now, you need to have full, complete control over what your tongue's doing.
26:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
26:21 Travis McElroy? It's not possible.
26:23 Griffin McElroy? Cut yourself some slack.
26:23 Travis McElroy? Talk to my speech therapist from elementary school. She'll tell you.
26:26 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
26:27 Travis McElroy? It is also, I think, not your fault if the dentist is doing very interesting things.
26:34 Travis McElroy? Yep.
26:34 Travis McElroy? Because it used to be all scrapers and pointy edges and it's fair play to keep the tongue away from there. But lately, there's a lot more interesting lasers and lights.
26:44 Travis McElroy? Yeah, man.
26:45 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
26:45 Travis McElroy? I don't know if you've noticed some of this.
26:46 Griffin McElroy? And those mouth vacuums are getting stronger every year.
26:48 Travis McElroy? Taking takers, doing scans.
26:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
26:51 Travis McElroy? There's a lot of interesting stuff happening over there.
26:53 Griffin McElroy? I'm not.
26:54 Travis McElroy? The tongue deserves a little butcher.
26:56 Griffin McElroy? I'm often averse to going to the dentist, mostly just from a very childish sort of anxiety about it. I will, I will cop to. But I do kind of constantly wish I had one tube going in this side of my mouth, squirting my mouth with water always. And then one tube in the other side of my mouth sucking that water right out. Like a Fremen suit and I don't have to swallow. I don't have to like do any of that shit. It's just like the good, wet, refreshing feeling of in my mouth all the time. Without me having to do fucking anything to get it. That's awesome.
27:24 Travis McElroy? I, I think that if your tongue is curious, you're not going to stop it from poking around. That's why I distract my tongue with a little iPad in there.
27:31 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
27:32 Travis McElroy? While they're working on this side.
27:33 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
27:34 Travis McElroy? Tongue's watching YouTube shorts over here. Keep it distracted. Keep it out of the way.
27:39 Griffin McElroy? Doing tricks.
27:39 Travis McElroy? You could do, you could do overactive puppy rules and just be like, listen, just let him get a sniff around.
27:46 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
27:46 Travis McElroy? Put the tool in for a couple of minutes.
27:51 Travis McElroy? Like get him, get a real good sense of the whole thing. Then you won't be interested. He'll lose interest. But you do gotta let him get in there and just.
27:59 Griffin McElroy? Put my ass to sleep. Put my ass to sleep. If you don't want my tongue to get up in, in there, put my ass to sleep. Insurance has fucked this country so bad, man. The whole racket, cause they used to just put you the fuck to sleep if they had to even do anything in there. Cause they didn't want to get licked. They didn't want to get licked by you, you know?
28:16 Travis McElroy? What if you found out that they put you in anesthesia, right? Knock your ass out and your tongue is even more active now.
28:23 Griffin McElroy? Oh, you think so?
28:24 Travis McElroy? And it's like, okay, listen, now all of the energy is just going to the tongue and the tongue is just like, haha, hello dentist. We meet again.
28:35 Griffin McElroy? I don't like thinking about my tongue that much. I don't, I obviously know it's there, but I don't, I don't, I don't know. I don't pay it much mind. How you do.
28:43 Travis McElroy? Travis, this is a big source of strength for him, apparently.
28:45 Travis McElroy? Yeah, no, I, I guys, after my dentist said, you have a huge tongue.
28:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
28:51 Travis McElroy? And then I said, uh, biggest you've ever seen her. She said, top three. I haven't stopped thinking about it.
28:57 Griffin McElroy? That's gotta feel fucking good, man. Wow. I've never had anything like that in my life. That's gotta feel fucking great, dude.
29:03 Travis McElroy? Pretty good. And also my kids recently noticed that I have a big crease in my tongue to the point where they were concerned that I had a cut.
29:12 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
29:12 Travis McElroy? Through the middle of my tongue, like, and I was like, no, that's just, my tongue is big. And they were like, wow, are you okay?
29:20 Travis McElroy? She made you feel that way and you know what she used to make you feel that way? Her tongue.
29:25 Travis McElroy? Yeah, man.
29:25 Travis McElroy? That's crazy, man.
29:26 Griffin McElroy? Tongue truly is mightier than the pen even.
29:29 Travis McElroy? Damn.
29:29 Griffin McElroy? I would say the power rankings for me go gun, obviously. Then below that tongue and pen, tongue is slightly above, but pen is, pen, I mean, it's still way up, way, way higher up than swords.
29:43 Travis McElroy? Can you imagine a gun that your tongue could use to write something?
29:49 Griffin McElroy? That would be cool.
29:50 Travis McElroy? They talk boy.
29:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. If I could finish, shuriken comes in below sword. Um, those, and that's just for how difficult that they are to properly throw those and execute them. Um, beneath that baseball bat beneath that brass knuckles.
30:04 Travis McElroy? What about gun blade?
30:05 Travis McElroy? Nunchucki delocation.
30:07 Griffin McElroy? Gun blade is still a gun, so it's again, right, right there at the top, number one.
30:10 Travis McElroy? Nunchucku?
30:11 Griffin McElroy? What's that?
30:12 Travis McElroy? Nunchucku, nunchuck.
30:14 Griffin McElroy? So my list doesn't have any sort of chained weapons, so that you're not going to have a like a flail. Um, but bo staff is on there, yeah, but it's, it's, it's below pen, uh, cause it's like a pen that's too big.
30:27 Travis McElroy? I, this is the second time people, people asked us about the candy thing earlier. I would love to do more rankings.
30:33 Griffin McElroy? Uh huh.
30:33 Travis McElroy? Like this, I think there's a huge market for that 10 years ago, and I would love to get into it.
30:39 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
30:39 Travis McElroy? Then, cause I think that would be a lot of good, solid material. I, what if we did a ranking video that was candy and bladed weapons? And you had it to like a tier list.
30:51 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
30:51 Travis McElroy? But it was kind of like both of those at once. No, not separate, just to save. People just get, you could do like bladed weapons and candy and just like, why are we separating them out by tiers?
31:02 Travis McElroy? Like someone would be like, I think katana is better than twigs.
31:05 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:05 Travis McElroy? Yeah. And then you have to decide is katana better than twigs?
31:08 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
31:08 Travis McElroy? Not better, just like a.
31:10 Griffin McElroy? Is it better?
31:11 Travis McElroy? At the same tier.
31:12 Travis McElroy? Where would you put them?
31:13 Griffin McElroy? Where would you, how would they clock in?
31:15 Travis McElroy? We're not doing it for free.
31:17 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
31:17 Travis McElroy? Like I'm not, guys, don't, don't give it away.
31:19 Travis McElroy? We're not doing it here.
31:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
31:22 Travis McElroy? We gotta get our payday.
31:24 Griffin McElroy? So that's a candy.
31:25 Travis McElroy? Oh my God, Travis. Oh my God, Travis. That was good, man. Let's go to the money zone.
31:40 Travis McElroy? Hey folks, has this ever happened to you? Your dentist tells you, you've got one of the top three biggest tongues they've ever seen, and now you need to find yourself a specialist to help you deal with the ensuing medical problems that go with having a gigantic tongue? Well, good news-
31:55 Griffin McElroy? Specialist for being the specialist.
31:57 Travis McElroy? I'm just saying, you're not in it alone, you know? Or maybe you got diagnosed with ADHD and you need that, or you had to get glasses the same year you were diagnosed with ADHD, and you had a big tongue, so you had to see a speech therapist, and you needed to find specialists for all these things. Good news, you're not in this alone, nine-year-old Travis, I mean, random listener at home.
32:19 Griffin McElroy? Travis, that was really the year you got your groove back, though, I feel like.
32:22 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah, man, and did he start going to the talented and gifted program one Fri- Friday every week where someone would go, "Hey nerd, get out of here," and had to start taking Ritalin every day at noon in the prince's office?
32:36 Griffin McElroy? This is a really specific listener, Travis, it sounds like you know him so super well.
32:40 Travis McElroy? No, this is all off the top of my head, and so you're not in this alone, you have a friend in Zocdoc to help you find the specialist that you need, and in all kinds of different areas, not just giant tongue-related areas, which I don't think is actually connected to my ADHD, but I'm not a doctor.
32:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
32:59 Travis McElroy? With Zocdoc, you can find a doctor to tell you if your ADHD is connected to your giant tongue, and maybe even get a same-day appointment, incredible.
33:07 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it's not just big tongue stuff, maybe you got big ear, it's like, whatever, they can find it, they can find a guy for you, absolutely, a big ear guy.
33:15 Travis McElroy? And it is a free app and website that helps you find and book highly qualified in-network doctors, so you can find someone you love, dermatology, dentistry, prim childcare, all kinds of stuff, all kinds of specialties, you can search by symptom or whatever you need to find the care team that's right for you, and it's, they have real-time availability, you can book instantly, so no like phone tag, no waiting for someone to call you back, none of that stuff, stop putting off those doctor's appointments, and go to zocdoc.com/MyBrother to find and instantly book a doctor you love today, that's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash MyBrother, zocdoc dot com slash MyBrother, thank you, Zocdoc, for sponsoring this message.
34:00 Griffin McElroy? Do you have a huge tongue and you're ready to make money off that bad boy? You're gonna need a good online destination for people to come to, to see you doing stuff, pushups, Yoshi play, stuff like that. And can I suggest if you are gonna build-
34:17 Travis McElroy? I need to write this down.
34:18 Griffin McElroy? What's that?
34:19 Travis McElroy? I gotta write this down.
34:20 Griffin McElroy? Can I suggest if you are gonna build a website where you can charge people money to watch you Yoshi play, then maybe, not maybe, definitely, you should depend on Squarespace. Squarespace-
34:32 Travis McElroy? What's better, tongueboy.com or boytongue.com or boytongue.pizza?
34:38 Griffin McElroy? Are they all available?
34:40 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
34:41 Griffin McElroy? None of, none of those. Don't ever, don't do any of those.
34:44 Travis McElroy? Okay.
34:45 Griffin McElroy? Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer your services online, get paid with, you know, online payment services, invoices, appointment scheduling built into your, into your website, email marketing tools, everything that you need to, to run your business and connect with people online or, you know, sell, sell your goods and services on a number of different platforms. They have a library of beautiful templates with options for every, you know, category that you might need. You can edit those by drag and drop, sort of editing. It's super easy. You don't have to know anything about coding, because we don't. We've all made Squarespace stuff and it's, it's truly a, a treat to make a beautiful looking thing on Squarespace
35:30 Griffin McElroy? and make it look like you know what you're doing.
35:32 Travis McElroy? I went ahead and got big, bigboytongue.gov.
35:37 Griffin McElroy? Okay. Good for you, man.
35:39 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
35:40 Griffin McElroy? Got right in there.
35:41 Travis McElroy? I had to pay $250,000 for it.
35:44 Griffin McElroy? To who?
35:46 Travis McElroy? The government.
35:48 Griffin McElroy? Dun dun dun dun dun.
35:50 Travis McElroy? Wait.
35:50 Griffin McElroy? We didn't do the call to action, so head to Squarespace.com slash-
35:54 Travis McElroy? It was so good. Just really good.
35:56 Griffin McElroy? So head to Squarespace.com slash mybrother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
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37:36 Travis McElroy? Yes.
37:38 Travis McElroy? Oh, yes. Out of nowhere. Aw, man, I didn't do them. I forgot to prepare much, Quad. Oh.
37:45 Travis McElroy? I wanna munch! Oh, you guys are fucking blasting us. It's April Fools! Yeah, man.
37:54 Griffin McElroy? What sick fucked up shit have they done this year, man? Make us, well, make us dirty with their filth.
38:00 Travis McElroy? This is actually, Justin, if I remember in the past, you have abstained. You've said, like, this is where they're, like, playing us, right?
38:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
38:11 Travis McElroy? And, like, getting the wild shit in there.
38:13 Griffin McElroy? What's different this year, would you say?
38:14 Travis McElroy? Well, this year, I have two activities. The first is a real product that should be a joke. Mikey's Late Night Slice and Lion's Club's Cookies partnered to create pizza-inspired cookie.
38:29 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna show you a picture.
38:31 Griffin McElroy? Aren't all cookies pizza inspired?
38:33 Travis McElroy? Shit, you're twisted, dude.
38:35 Travis McElroy? That's deep, man.
38:36 Travis McElroy? I can't believe.
38:36 Griffin McElroy? No. Show both these things to an alien. Oh, wow.
38:40 Travis McElroy? Whoa.
38:40 Griffin McElroy? Wait, that's a cookie that's also.
38:42 Travis McElroy? That's a pizza.
38:43 Griffin McElroy? Well.
38:44 Travis McElroy? So let me tell you about this. Two of Columbus's most iconic food brands are blurring the lines between dinner and dessert. Lion's Club Cookies, recently named the number two cookie shop in the nation.
38:55 Travis McElroy? Whoa.
38:56 Travis McElroy? Today, and the legendary.
38:57 Travis McElroy? Wait, behind who?
38:58 Travis McElroy? Slice.
38:59 Griffin McElroy? Hmm?
39:00 Travis McElroy? Don't worry about it.
39:01 Travis McElroy? Don't worry about it.
39:02 Travis McElroy? Okay.
39:02 Travis McElroy? They've announced a collaboration that sounds like an April Fool's prank, but is very much a reality. The Cub Zone. The Cub Zone is a culinary crossover that marries the nostalgic thick bake style of Lion's Club with the bold irreverent flavors of Mikey's Late Night Slice. It's not a joke, or is a gimmick, is a meticulously crafted savory and sweet pizza party. The Cub Zone starts with Lion Club's signature sugar cookie dough infused with Mikey's secret spice blend.
39:29 Travis McElroy? Huh.
39:29 Travis McElroy? The center is layered with Mikey's signature marinara and their famous gooey cheese blend.
39:34 Travis McElroy? What?
39:34 Travis McElroy? Along with many pepperonis.
39:36 Travis McElroy? What?
39:36 Travis McElroy? And then topped with a crunchy bacon cheese crust and more pepperoni for a textural finish that mimics the perfect slice.
39:44 Travis McElroy? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
39:44 Griffin McElroy? It mimics it so good, in fact.
39:47 Travis McElroy? Except.
39:48 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
39:49 Travis McElroy? For the sugar cookie crust?
39:52 Griffin McElroy? It can't be the sweetest sugar cookie, right? Like, they've cut it. They've cut it with something, right? Like, that might be okay if it's not too sweet.
40:01 Travis McElroy? Like a short crust. Like, if it's a short crust, maybe? But it sounds like they got, they started and they were like.
40:08 Travis McElroy? The signature sugar cookie dough.
40:11 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
40:11 Travis McElroy? Infused with Mikey's secret spice. Travis, you could get there, bud. Columbus, you could get there for us.
40:17 Griffin McElroy? You could get there. It's the only way we'll know, the palate.
40:21 Travis McElroy? They started and were like, we're gonna make a cookie that looks like a pizza, but it's actually a cookie. So we've got, we've made a shit ton of sugar cookie dough. And then they said, oh, we don't actually know how to do the rest of it. We'll just make it a tiny pizza.
40:35 Griffin McElroy? Just make it a tiny.
40:35 Travis McElroy? Oh, but we already made all this sugar cookie dough.
40:38 Travis McElroy? Trap, trap, trap, trap. The Cub Zone will be available warm from the oven at both Lion's Club Cookies locations and six Mikey's Late Night Slice locations.
40:48 Travis McElroy? Oh, it says excluding Cincinnati.
40:50 Griffin McElroy? Oh my god!
40:53 Travis McElroy? Sorry, oh man.
40:55 Travis McElroy? Why doesn't it explicitly say that?
40:57 Travis McElroy? Well, it excludes Kimball Live, Hollywood Casino, Dayton, and Cincinnati.
41:02 Travis McElroy? And Travis.
41:03 Travis McElroy? A lot of great venues.
41:04 Griffin McElroy? And it says they know what they did. That's wild.
41:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
41:07 Travis McElroy? Whoa.
41:08 Griffin McElroy? This might, here's, here's what I'm like thinking, looking at this thing, probably gross, might, might fuck. It, it's prob, I would say it's eighty-five.
41:16 Travis McElroy? Only Travis way to find out.
41:17 Griffin McElroy? Eighty-five percent gross, definitely. Fifteen percent, actually it fucks. Together.
41:22 Travis McElroy? How'd they get them pepperonis so little?
41:24 Griffin McElroy? Those are the littlest, tiniest ronies I've ever seen.
41:27 Travis McElroy? We wanted to do the thing brands always pretend they're doing on April 1st. Something so ridiculous, people assume it's fake, and then actually do it. It's called innovation, Bradley. Sorry. Lions Club and Mikey's are a perfect match for this type of thing. We're both local, deeply connected to our community, and we're not afraid to have fun with creativity. Says Bradley.
41:48 Griffin McElroy? Now you fucking hate this guy.
41:49 Travis McElroy? My brain, looking at this, it's, it's like the Tardis, where my brain keeps sliding off of it as I try to look at it.
41:56 Travis McElroy? You can't, yeah, it definitely looks like a small pizza.
42:00 Travis McElroy? I'm looking at it, I'm like, oh, that's a pizza. And then it's like, well, no, that's a cookie. No.
42:07 Travis McElroy? So.
42:07 Griffin McElroy? How do you get a pepperoni that small to cuppy, that fucking?
42:11 Travis McElroy? The mini crispy pepperonis.
42:13 Travis McElroy? And they toasted the cheese so right.
42:17 Travis McElroy? I am, I am gonna close this out. I wanted to spend a considerable amount of time talking about this, because it's a real thing that's really happening, and that's worth something still.
42:25 Griffin McElroy? Or are they fucking like me, nine metal layers deep, and them saying, this is not a prank? Until I get one of these in my hands, I'm gonna assume it's like a double, a sort of double feint prank attack.
42:37 Travis McElroy? We are going to rank the top fifteen food brand jokes that dropped today for April Fool's Day.
42:46 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
42:47 Travis McElroy? I got the list fresh from Delish. These all dropped today, and I just wanna get your guys' hot takes S through D. What's the rank?
42:55 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
42:56 Travis McElroy? You guys are professional comedians, much like myself. First up, Halls is doing Grandma's Purse Flavor with a hint of lavender and lints.
43:05 Griffin McElroy? It makes me sad.
43:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it makes me sad.
43:07 Travis McElroy? True vintage taste. Okay, can I get a letter, guys?
43:10 Griffin McElroy? D, I don't think that's very funny.
43:11 Travis McElroy? It's a cohesive idea.
43:13 Griffin McElroy? It makes me nostalgic.
43:14 Travis McElroy? Can you do like D as in Bobby? Cause it's like really hard to know otherwise.
43:18 Griffin McElroy? D as in Dobby.
43:20 Travis McElroy? D as in dog shit.
43:21 Griffin McElroy? D V as in Dobby.
43:21 Travis McElroy? So the worst it could be, okay.
43:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
43:24 Travis McElroy? Next up, Mash Gang is a non-alcoholic beer brand bringing you Chug IPA. It's a keg that replaces the office cooler with a keg of non-alcoholic beer.
43:33 Griffin McElroy? I don't think that would actually happen. I'm gonna say that's probably a false. I'm gonna say that one's probably, that one's, that one's not real. That one's not real.
43:40 Travis McElroy? They're all false. They're all false. What's the letter grade of this joke?
43:45 Griffin McElroy? D.
43:46 Travis McElroy? D?
43:46 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I'm saying, man, like, do, do it. Okay.
43:50 Travis McElroy? Deep Indian Kitchen, chewing is so overrated is the tagline of this coconut chicken curry protein drink. Mild spice.
43:58 Griffin McElroy? D. D for me, I think, knowing it's not real, it's just like, the joke needs to be more than like, wouldn't our shit be so fucking yucky if we mush? This is what it looks like inside you when your body turns it to shit. Isn't that fucking funny?
44:14 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna retroactively bump the keg water cooler one up to a C. Because at least if I saw that one in the wild, I'd be like, what the fuck? Right? Both of these, I would just be like, that's gross.
44:26 Travis McElroy? Some of these are just like, it feels like product research. They're like putting it out like, wouldn't it be crazy if we scribble, scribble, scribble, AI, AI, AI? Do people like it? Help. Uh, next up, Stella Rosa Pickle.
44:39 Travis McElroy? This is not, pickle is in like everything these days.
44:42 Travis McElroy? Yeah, man.
44:43 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but it's like, it's like fancy. It's like a fancy pickle wine.
44:48 Travis McElroy? I'm telling you that, Justin.
44:49 Griffin McElroy? I like that, alright. I like that, okay.
44:50 Travis McElroy? You really prefaced this well. If this is them going, but would you all, would you?
44:56 Griffin McElroy? But would you? I'll say C, I'll say C just because pickle wine does feel good on the, on the, on the tip of the tongue.
45:03 Travis McElroy? I would say B, I would try it.
45:05 Travis McElroy? It pairs perfectly with a deli sandwich and a side of skepticism. Fuck Stella Rosa, you're busting up my goddamn sides. You guys are really having a laugh. Eight o'clock coffee has this. It is an AI-powered alarm clock.
45:21 Travis McElroy? That brews a pot of coffee at 8 a.m.
45:24 Griffin McElroy? So that exists. I don't.
45:26 Travis McElroy? So that exists. Yeah, that exists. I don't know why it's a joke.
45:28 Travis McElroy? For that either.
45:29 Travis McElroy? Don't need AI. You super don't need AI. You didn't. I mean, we know that they didn't. Is that the joke?
45:36 Griffin McElroy? The joke is that we, I can't buy my pawpaw PlayStation five because eight o'clock coffee needed AI and it's fucking April Fool's Day alarm clock.
45:43 Travis McElroy? Feels like a D to me again, Griff. This is another D.
45:46 Travis McElroy? I'm actually gonna say an F on this one for like that however many acres of rainforest that this image and brain space took up.
45:54 Griffin McElroy? All right, here we go. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Yes.
45:58 Travis McElroy? Griff, what do you got?
45:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
45:59 Travis McElroy? What do we got?
45:59 Griffin McElroy? I mean, we got the baby bottle pop adulthood survival collection with flavors like fiber, protein and salmon. Fucking good. Funny.
46:07 Travis McElroy? That's funny.
46:08 Griffin McElroy? That's funny.
46:08 Travis McElroy? That's A.
46:09 Travis McElroy? That's A tier.
46:10 Griffin McElroy? That's A tier. And I'll tell you why. It's because this is a, this baby bottle pop is already, it's already playing in some pretty like wild abstract spaces. This is a baby's candy. Oh, but they shouldn't have it because, but now it's adult and it's got fiber flavor. What's fiber taste like?
46:27 Travis McElroy? Something about baby bottle pop realizing I exist as a human being that is, that is funny to me because like baby bottle pop has of course been part of my life for the past 11 years. But baby bottle pop has never seemed concerned with knowing I exist. But when baby bottle pop turns its eyes towards me and says, gee, you need salmon? That's, it's pretty good.
46:47 Travis McElroy? I'm telling you right now that if, on any other day, maybe not this salmon, but baby bottle pop protein, baby bottle pop fiber, those pop up in a Facebook ad or whatever the fuck.
46:58 Griffin McElroy? I would, sure.
47:00 Travis McElroy? I would buy it for a second. I wouldn't buy it, buy it. But I'd maybe think that's real.
47:05 Travis McElroy? Okay, I got Keebler. Anybody want to guess? I've, I've looked at Keebler yet.
47:09 Griffin McElroy? They have a new CEO elf and it's, uh, you know, it's ice spice or something.
47:15 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna say I go in the same way like fiber cookies, protein cookies.
47:21 Griffin McElroy? For adults. So they did Hollow Tree toothpaste, Fudge Stripe flavored toothpaste. Vienna fingers.
47:27 Travis McElroy? Vienna flame. Becomes Sandy's toothpaste.
47:30 Griffin McElroy? Alright, again, it's just like if you messed up our shit and made it yucky shit, wouldn't it be great? And I, I don't like looking at the brown toothpaste.
47:38 Travis McElroy? No, but if they said like a sandwich spread of this stuff, fuck, yeah, I'd buy the hell out of that.
47:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but they didn't say that.
47:45 Travis McElroy? I know.
47:46 Griffin McElroy? But at least that would get me thinking. I see this and I'm like, no, I wanna, I need to know whether or not it's real. The pizza cookie, I still don't know if that shit's real or not, but if I see Keebler toothpaste.
47:58 Travis McElroy? Clearer. I said to you, the first one was real, the rest are.
48:01 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but I said the thing about my vasectomy, Justin, and I said that was real and it wasn't. It was a joke. My whole bit about not recording, which was a bit.
48:10 Travis McElroy? Still not sure if Griffin is recording this.
48:11 Griffin McElroy? Let me double check. Yeah, I am recording now.
48:15 Travis McElroy? Soma citrus is doing some square. A citrus square.
48:21 Griffin McElroy? What? That's again, we were doing that.
48:24 Travis McElroy? Fruit.
48:24 Griffin McElroy? We're doing that.
48:25 Travis McElroy? Like, we're doing that. Watermelons are square. We're already doing it. Top Ramen is doing Top Ramen Butterfinger. Ramen flavors is done. You cannot do it anymore. There are too many real, absolutely decrepit, insane flavors. There's everything bagel flavor.
48:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
48:42 Travis McElroy? Of ramen. They're doing everything with cotton candy ramen. Ramen is, although the birria ramen.
48:49 Griffin McElroy? Oh, yeah, he, he gets it done. Yeah.
48:51 Travis McElroy? I would also say peanut, like a peanut butter, like a peanut sauce.
48:56 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, no, that is a thing.
48:57 Travis McElroy? In food.
48:58 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but it's not butter. They don't make those with Butterfinger. I'm gonna say that one's not real.
49:04 Travis McElroy? Griffin, the Halal guys.
49:09 Travis McElroy? What's this?
49:10 Travis McElroy? Are going to fine dining. They're taking its iconic street food off the streets and into a five star restaurant. Uh, it's a fancy.
49:18 Travis McElroy? Good for them.
49:19 Travis McElroy? Hello, guys.
49:20 Travis McElroy? Okay.
49:21 Travis McElroy? If I saw that, I'd just be like, oh, okay, cool. Good for you.
49:23 Griffin McElroy? Can I, can I just say when I can tell that the um effort that was put into preparing this new year or not new years, this April Fool's Day prank was just like one Photoshop and not even a particularly good one.
49:35 Travis McElroy? I perhaps it may actually be an AI generated image. Some of this is a pretty wild looking.
49:41 Travis McElroy? Several of these may be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:44 Griffin McElroy? Maybe all of these definitely, definitely are. Ford does that shit in their commercials now and drive shows somebody driving a Ford truck on a beach. It's like this shit's AI. And it's like, you guys don't have Ford trucks that you can do videos of?
49:55 Travis McElroy? You couldn't be fine.
49:57 Griffin McElroy? You couldn't find one beach and one guy to drive one of your fucking trucks. Okay, wait, this next one looks promising.
50:02 Travis McElroy? This one's good.
50:03 Travis McElroy? Okay, I can't believe this next one's not real.
50:05 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
50:06 Travis McElroy? So that's a bunch of crunch. The name is what does it for me.
50:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, yeah.
50:10 Travis McElroy? The bunch of crunch, which like bunch of, if you imagine a crunch bar, bunch of crunch is like the little nuggets.
50:15 Travis McElroy? I'm trying to scroll down. I forgot this was a screenshot. I want to see it.
50:20 Travis McElroy? Bunch of crunch dispenser experience.
50:23 Griffin McElroy? And you put your popcorn under it and it drops.
50:25 Travis McElroy? Put your popcorn bucket underneath.
50:27 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:27 Travis McElroy? Oh, my God.
50:28 Griffin McElroy? Slaps. Funny.
50:29 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
50:30 Griffin McElroy? Funny words. The words bunch of crunch dispenser experience. That's funny. Also, good idea.
50:35 Travis McElroy? Experience nails it. Someone, someone funny added experience.
50:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
50:38 Travis McElroy? Dispenser is not funny. And their experience is funny.
50:42 Travis McElroy? The kind of prank where I would look at that and be like, what? And then be mad. It's not real and that's the prank.
50:49 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Well, and then they get you next year when it does start showing up in the marketers. Yeah.
50:53 Travis McElroy? Mother's Cookies is not now doing Father's Cookies. And the father cookies are shaped like drills and PlayStation controllers and baseball gloves.
51:04 Griffin McElroy? It's the ultimate, ultimate dad mode cookies.
51:07 Travis McElroy? So dad mode cookies.
51:08 Griffin McElroy? Okay.
51:09 Travis McElroy? Ultimate dad mode cookies. I'll tell you right now. I have a soft spot in my heart for these frosted animal cookies when I'm traveling and I see those in the Hudson. You know, thing. I will buy them every time. I fucking love these things. They don't, it's not, those aren't themed.
51:26 Travis McElroy? To mothers, they're frosted animal crackers.
51:28 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I know, Travis, but this is like.
51:30 Travis McElroy? No, Justin, it doesn't make any sense.
51:32 Griffin McElroy? And this one to fathers, and so they had to make it.
51:34 Travis McElroy? It doesn't make any sense.
51:35 Griffin McElroy? So Travis, what you're saying, I get what you're saying is that it's like two jokes in one. If they had just said the name of the company is now Fathers, and we're still making the same animal crackers.
51:43 Travis McElroy? Um, I do think, that's, sorry, I do think it is pretty good that the, the, the frosted cookie company mothers decided, hey, you know, it might be fun for April Fools is to take a hard left into gender politics. That's something that we want to wade into. We want to lightly dip our toe into that whole thing.
52:05 Griffin McElroy? And slam dunk, I love game and drill and baseball glove. I love that shit. And I'm a dad, I'm a real dad of two kids.
52:13 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
52:13 Griffin McElroy? Love it.
52:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
52:14 Griffin McElroy? Love it.
52:15 Travis McElroy? So when we're hanging out with our dad, I'll say, Dad, I have my baseball glove. Throw me the controller.
52:20 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
52:21 Travis McElroy? And he'll do it, and then I'll drill right into it.
52:23 Travis McElroy? Yeah, sure. The fuck is this, Baskin Robbins? What? Strawberry cheesecake. Ice cream soup.
52:29 Griffin McElroy? Strawberry cheesecake ice cream soup in a can?
52:32 Travis McElroy? Ice cream soup.
52:33 Griffin McElroy? It's a soup can that's got strawberry cheesecake, Baskin Robbins.
52:36 Travis McElroy? Bad idea.
52:37 Griffin McElroy? It's not bad.
52:38 Travis McElroy? This is, it's pretty bad. And if you look at it, it's like, again, it's like. And like, you would buy milk, but yeah, maybe. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. This is good.
52:52 Travis McElroy? What they've done here, may I? This is tasteful. It's tasteful.
52:57 Travis McElroy? This is funny.
52:58 Travis McElroy? It's a cup of noodles and making like a heatless, uh, curlers set, that's what might for their hair. But the branding of cup of noodles is so small that you see the hurt, he was, that I was like, what's the joke here? What's the, oh, it's cup of noodle. Tasteful.
53:16 Griffin McElroy? Curling in here.
53:16 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
53:17 Griffin McElroy? That's not where they go usually. That's, yeah.
53:19 Travis McElroy? B.
53:21 Griffin McElroy? B tier.
53:21 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
53:22 Travis McElroy? B.
53:23 Travis McElroy? Solid B.
53:23 Travis McElroy? St. Pierre, St. Pierre Bakery is offering a white glove waffle butler service.
53:31 Griffin McElroy? What the fuck does that? Hey, St. Pierre Bakery, how the fuck would that work? Walk me through it.
53:36 Travis McElroy? They would oversee precision syrup pours, 45 degree aesthetic plating, and anti soggy crumb management to ensure proper enjoyment.
53:44 Griffin McElroy? How? Am I going on Thumtack and like booking one of these? Or do you send someone to my door when you find out that I have bought your waffle? Like, how are you, how are you fulfilling this? That's fucking wild. How are you fulfilling? I guess you're creating an outrageous number of jobs. That's awesome. That should be the headline is.
54:00 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna tell you, Justin, right now, out of all of these.
54:04 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
54:04 Travis McElroy? The bunch of crunch dispenser experience is S tier.
54:08 Griffin McElroy? S.
54:08 Travis McElroy? The rest of these, I'm gonna just go ahead and say are all F tier. Because none of these seem to get what A, a joke is, or B, a prank it. Like this thing of like, we're doing waffles now. There's gonna be a white glove butler experience. Am I supposed to A, care that there's a white glove butler experience? B, believe there's a, or like.
54:30 Griffin McElroy? Back in the day, in the fucking games business, Naughty Dog would put out like, guess what, bitches? Crash Bandicoot 6, brace your asses. And then the day after, they'd be like, just kidding. Crash Bandicoot died in a car accident four years ago.
54:44 Travis McElroy? The next Mario's NC 17.
54:47 Griffin McElroy? They would just smash your hopes. What? Why would you lie about Crash Bandicoot like that? Now it's looking soft. It's so soft.
54:56 Travis McElroy? Like, if you look at the header of this Delish webpage I'm on, under the more category, you see, I tried Cup Noodles Thanksgiving Ramen flavors. Cup Noodles has a new everything bagel flavor. I tried the new Totino's and Old El Paso Ramen. I mean, this is, we're very well covered. Also.
55:17 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
55:17 Travis McElroy? Shout out to food journalism because can you imagine watching someone eat everything bagel flavored ramen? And you're watching it for a second. You're like, no, you know what? Never mind. Write about this later and I'll just read how it went.
55:30 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, I can't possibly.
55:32 Travis McElroy? Thank you so much for listening to our podcasts.
55:35 Griffin McElroy? Sorry, we fucking lied to you so many times this episode. We lied to you guys.
55:38 Travis McElroy? This one was always gonna be very pranky.
55:40 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, but I want this to be like a safe space where you know that we're just giving you the straight, the straight stuff.
55:46 Travis McElroy? The following is completely true. We're doing, uh, new merch. It's April, new merch. Uh, we have a Crowan Wilson enamel pen.
55:55 Griffin McElroy? So.
55:55 Travis McElroy? There's a Miggy, uh, what's, what are those called? Uh?
56:00 Griffin McElroy? Not a votive, but a candle.
56:02 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
56:02 Griffin McElroy? Nice tall candle.
56:04 Travis McElroy? Um, and a limited release of the Ominar to win shirt to celebrate our iHeart uh, media podcast award win and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Marsha P. Johnson Institute, which organizes, advocates, offers direct relief support and interrupts the people who are standing in the way of a more just world for black, trans people and all people. So make sure you check that out, uh, and check out macroymerch.com and check out the new merch there and all the great merch that's already there.
56:34 Griffin McElroy? We got stuff we're doing on YouTube all the fricking time. If you follow McRoy Entertainment System on Instagram, you'll, you can stay up to date on how we do streams with all three of us playing games almost every Tuesday and Juju's doing streams, playing games on Mondays and Travis on Wednesdays. I'm on Fridays. We're doing so much streaming, so much video stuff for you to watch it. So follow McRoy family on YouTube and, and follow McRoy Entertainment System on Instagram. So you can just find out when we're doing stuff and come hang. It's always so chill. It's always so great. The community is so fucking tight and cool and helpful and thanks to Montane also for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. It's the theme song to the summer.
57:16 Griffin McElroy? But I bet this year, I bet it'll be the theme songs of the summer. Oh, I have this nice dry erase marker. It has a good footprint, but it's like pretty big. I think it'll make actually a pretty good sound. Are you guys cool with that? I'll try not to hit my goddamn Deku tree this time. That thing's taking a wallop-ing with this segment.
57:39 Travis McElroy? Gotta get that boy some wireless headphones.
57:42 Griffin McElroy? Three, two, one.
57:46 Travis McElroy? What'd he get? What'd you get?
57:47 Travis McElroy? It's something on the ricochet.
57:51 Travis McElroy? What'd you get on the bounce?
57:53 Travis McElroy? What'd you get?
57:54 Griffin McElroy? What'd you get on the bounce? The wall. Okay, so the order was the wall, my coffee cup, my computer monitor. It was like a, like Toby throwing the fucking rubber ball in West. It really had a nice sort of triangular arc to it.
58:08 Travis McElroy? God. All right, thanks.
58:09 Travis McElroy? That's one shit. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.
58:12 Griffin McElroy? I'm Griffin McElroy. I want to see that. I want to see that one back. That's the first one that I feel looked cool.
58:16 Travis McElroy? Square on the lips.
58:50 Speaker 06 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.
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