1003 Jay Shetty: Mindset Habits for Happiness, and Thinking Like a Monk

“What movement does for the body, stillness does for the mind.”Lewis sits down with the incomparable Jay Shetty to discuss how to craft your life instead of coasting in the passenger seat, why you should establish an intentional morning routine to boost your mood, and three questions you should be asking yourself each day. Jay breaks down all the wisdom in his new book, "Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day."Jay's previous podcast with Lewis: https://lewishowes.com/953Mel Robbins: The “Secret” Mindset Habit to Building Confidence and Overcoming Scarcity: https://link.chtbl.com/970-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 1,003 with Jay Shetty.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:30Lewis Howes?

  Author Marcel Proust said, "The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." And Headspace co-founder Andy Pudicombe says, "Remember the blue sky. It may at times be obscured by clouds, but it's always there." My guest today is a School of Greatness luminary, one of my closest friends, Jay Shetty. And he is the host of the incredibly popular podcast, On Purpose. As a former monk, he has a unique perspective on cultivating a mindset, lifestyle, and daily routine to help achieve happiness and success. Now Jay has a new book coming out called Think Like

• 1:11Lewis Howes?

  a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day. It's a message we all need to hear, and he has shared a ton of that wisdom with me today. And in this episode, we discuss what mindfulness really means, how to achieve peace of mind regardless of what's going on in your life, the three S's to design your life with love, joy, and passion, the difference between living a purposeful life and finding your purpose, how to overcome the fear of failure and success, and so much more. This is packed with wisdom, with some incredible inspiration, and I know you're gonna love it. If you do, make sure to share this with someone who needs to hear it, because you have the power to change someone's life today

• 1:52Lewis Howes?

  by sending them this link right now. And a quick reminder to subscribe to the School of Greatness on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening to podcasts, and give us a quick rating and review. After this quick message, the one and only Jay Shetty.

• 2:11Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness Podcast. You are in for a great treat. My man Jay Shetty is in the house. Brother, very excited about this.

• 2:18Jay Shetty?

  It's good to be back, man. Thank you for having me back.

• 2:20Lewis Howes?

  This is the third time you'll be on. The last two, people loved hearing us together and hearing your wisdom. And I feel like we just scratched the surface.

• 2:29Jay Shetty?

  Literally.

• 2:30Lewis Howes?

  You told us about your story in the last couple, but for those that don't know, you were a monk for many years, for about four years.

• 2:37Jay Shetty?

  Three.

• 2:37Lewis Howes?

  Three years after going down a journey of multiple women, some drugs, some alcohol, some like different, trying different things in life that you thought would bring you joy and fulfillment. But you realized they weren't bringing you a lot of peace internally, right? And so you found a mentor who was a monk. You were really inspired by his life and you left to go live in an ashram in India. And that's part of your story. And then you went off to leave monk life. You got a corporate job and you started creating content around what you learned from the lessons of being a monk. And over the last three years, you've exploded in the world with your content, from your podcasts, the social media to viral

• 3:20Lewis Howes?

  videos. And now you've got an amazing book out, Think Like a Monk. That's amazing. I want people to get. And I wanted to start with asking about mindfulness, because this is something that I hear people talk about a lot. When I had another guru on named Sadhguru, he said, I don't like the word mindfulness, because your mind is too full. And you actually want to have mind nothingness, essentially. You want to have nothing in your mind so you can be more at peace. You talk a lot about practicing meditation and also prayer. And you say something that was interesting, about using silence to hear in between the lines. So can you share what that means to hear in between the lines through prayer, meditation, mindfulness, and kind of what this all means? How can we understand this?

• 4:04Lewis Howes?

  There's a lot of noise about it. But what does it really mean?

• 4:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, beautiful. First of all, I'm glad to be back, man. The School of Greatness is

• 4:10Lewis Howes?

  Excited, man.

• 4:11Jay Shetty?

  A special place. And the fact that this is, so everyone who's listening or watching, this is how you test whether your friend really knows you. Lewis has told my life story in 30 seconds, which means that we're real friends. Lewis was able to summarize everything that I've been through in the last 10 years in 30 seconds. I appreciate you, man. And I'm really happy to be back. And yeah, let's talk about the term and let's talk about that specific answer. So. When I hear the word mindfulness, to me, what it really means is intentionality. What I mean by that is, are you crafting, designing, and intentionally creating your life?

• 4:51Jay Shetty?

  Or are you just coasting in the passenger seat of your life, which is just dragging you and driving you wherever it's taking you? And so it's the difference between being the driver or being in the passenger seat. And so to me, living intentionally is what allows you to live a life of by design. And so I'll give you an example of what mindfulness can look like. There's something in the book that I talk about called the three S's, which are sights, sense, and sounds. Now, if you think about that, we're exposed to sights, sense, and sounds every single day. Yeah. Every single day. But how many of us have crafted those to be sights, sense, and sounds that we want in our life? So this is what I realized.

• 5:35Jay Shetty?

  When we were monks, one of the most important things was, what was the first thing you saw, the sight, when you woke up? And right now, most people are probably seeing their screen. Yeah, I think eighty percent of people look at their screens first thing in the morning and the last thing of the night. So you're seeing your screen first thing in the morning, but what are you really seeing? You're seeing everyone else's priorities, you're seeing everyone else's issues and challenges, you're seeing everyone else's messages to you, which means you're already starting your day off reactively. But what if you started your morning looking at a painting that inspired you, or a picture of a loved one that brought joy in your heart, or your favorite quote by Lewis or by anyone else that when you read that in the morning, you were like, oh yeah, I feel in charge today to make a difference in the world.

• 6:18Jay Shetty?

  So imagine the first thing you saw in the morning was something inspiring. How much would your day change? That's mindfulness. Mindfulness is being intentional and mindful about what you are exposing yourself to. Let's talk about sounds next. So sounds were something that I started to study actually much later from a modern life perspective. But when we were monks, we would wake up to birds, we would wake up to water, we'd wake up to gongs or cymbals. Chants. Chants, exactly, which are all beautiful sounds. Now, the crazy thing is, all of us wake up to something called an alarm.

• 6:52Lewis Howes?

  Right, just like.

• 6:54Jay Shetty?

  Literally, I don't know why anyone would want to wake up to an alarm. Why would you want to wake up alarmed? It means now your system is alarming. Like, why would you want to do that? Why would you wanna wake up in shock? In a state of like a jolt? I don't think that's a positive way to wake up. So changing the sound that you wake up to. Now, I'm not saying that everyone can wake up to nature sounds. Maybe you're one of those people who just hit the snooze button again. But what if you woke up to a sound or a song that brought you joy? Now, when I lived in New York for two years between twenty sixteen and twenty eighteen, I started to feel quite exhausted by the end of the day. And I was really looking into like, why is it that I feel tired? And I started to realize, I came across this term called cognitive load.

• 7:38Jay Shetty?

  And what it means is that a lot of the sounds that you hear in New York City are sounds that are insignificant for your mind to process. Drilling, construction work, taxis honking, driving, cars screeching, scratching.

• 7:53Lewis Howes?

  People yelling at each other in the streets.

• 7:55Jay Shetty?

  People yelling at each other on the streets. So all of that sound is called cognitive load, where your brain is now trying to make sense of meaningless sound.

• 8:03Lewis Howes?

  Well, it's also just like, should I be afraid? This is a loud sound. Does my brain go into fight or flight? Like, I need to protect myself. So you're always being alarmed.

• 8:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. And you hear sirens. The amount of sirens that I remember hearing on the streets. Now, when you hear sirens, sirens have an emotional trigger. And they have an emotional response to them. So think about your day. Think about when you come home from work. Well, now you're working from home.

• 8:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:28Jay Shetty?

  What sound do you wanna hear when you're working? What sound do you wanna hear at the end of the day? When you sound design your life, that's called mindfulness. That's being intentional. And then finally scent. Uh, scent is such a powerful sense that we're not even aware. How many of you, when you smell your favorite food, can't already wait to eat it? Like, you can almost taste it.

• 8:49Lewis Howes?

  Salivate and you're like.

• 8:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you can taste it already without, just through scent. Why is it that every time you walk into?

• 8:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, my favorite, yeah, I think pizza has one of the best scents.

• 9:00Lewis Howes?

  Your wife Roddy's got some amazing food. That was amazing set. When I walked in the kitchen last week, I was like, mm, this amazing.

• 9:06Jay Shetty?

  That was for you. That was special. That was for you. That was for you. That was a good meal. That was a really good meal. Uh, she really appreciated that you love to eat too. Like she was happy. Her, her heart was full.

• 9:16Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Bring a former jock into your house and you'll, you'll clear all the food out.

• 9:20Jay Shetty?

  She was like, I've, I've never seen someone eat that much. And I was like, you know, this like big American dude does. And this is like, you know, he can eat. And so, no, it was great. She was so happy that you appreciated it so much. She, she really appreciated that.

• 9:33Lewis Howes?

  But the scent is important in your life.

• 9:35Jay Shetty?

  When you walk into a massage spa, it's the scent, the eucalyptus, the lavender, the sandalwood.

• 9:42Lewis Howes?

  It puts you in a peaceful state.

• 9:44Jay Shetty?

  Dude, scent puts you in zen without trying. And so mindfulness is intentionally creating a life that makes you feel what you want to feel without having to just create the feeling from inside. You may say, Jay, you know, I really struggle trying to be positive. I struggle trying to deal with anxiety. I struggle trying to be focused. Your sight, sense and sounds can help you do that.

• 10:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 10:08Jay Shetty?

  And you start creating an environment where you naturally feel that. Like today, when I walked into your studio, I saw your books. I saw all these motivational quotes. I saw a boxing glove. And it's like, all of a sudden, you're like, oh, I'm in a uplifting environment, right? So you already get triggered.

• 10:24Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Yeah, I think a friend of mine mentioned one time on the podcast, Chris Lee said, you want to create an, an environment like a rainforest where things can thrive and grow as opposed to having an environment like a desert where things go to die.

• 10:37Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful.

• 10:38Lewis Howes?

  And if you have sights, sense and sounds that are like a desert for your life or your heart, and it's gonna be hard to grow those things from your heart. But if you create an environment of a rainforest where things can grow, water, nature, you know, cool air, things like that, then you can really start to cultivate that growth. You mentioned about creating and designing your life. How much of the world do you think we receive by being here? And how much of the world do we create ourselves?

• 11:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's a beautiful question. It's, it's a complete dynamic dance between what the Vedic tradition would call fate and free will. So fate is what is already created for you. And a good example would be the place you were born. The type of family you grew up in, the socioeconomic background you had, it was already there when you walked into the world. But within that, you had choices where your free will came about. You had the choice to either do what everyone in your neighborhood did, or to do something different. You had the choice to have a relationship with a particular person or not. So what happens is that we're constantly creating

• 11:52Jay Shetty?

  new spaces from which we have another choice.

• 11:54Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 11:55Jay Shetty?

  And so you kind of see it as this dynamic dance between, okay, now I'm in this situation, and now what is my choice in this situation? So I would say, I wouldn't, I'm not saying it's equal. I'm saying it's a dynamic balance and a switching process where you're constantly creating a new level, and then now in that level, you have a next choice.

• 12:15Lewis Howes?

  Because we didn't have the choice to be created here. We didn't, we were here, and that wasn't our choice. Now, everything after that is our choice, right?

• 12:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and there are some, there obviously there are some traditions, and I'm a, I'm a big diver into like reincarnation and past lives. So according to the beliefs of reincarnation or past lives, you have at some point made a choice to be here. But taking it more simplistically, the truth is that when you're brought into a situation, it's, the best analogy that I've heard and it's been told for years is of, a father is an alcoholic. One of the sons that he has decides to become an alcoholic, because his father's an alcoholic. The other son decides to never drink alcohol, because his father's an alcoholic. So they were exposed to the same situation and same scenario.

• 13:00Lewis Howes?

  Same environment.

• 13:01Jay Shetty?

  Same environment. But they both made different choices based on their experience. And that's the choice element. That's the element that we should be trying to empower in our lives. Because we can constantly say, I'm limited by my environment, or I've been restricted by my environment. And hey, it's true, there are so many of us that have been limited and restricted. But by now, you repeating that, you are going to repeat that restriction in your life.

• 13:28Lewis Howes?

  How much of a positive environment? Supports us in our growth or hordes us back. There are some people who have the perfect family situation, resources, beautiful backyards and nature, who are lazy. And there are others who have divorced parents, abusive parents, abusive friends, an environment of a desert.

• 13:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 13:53Lewis Howes?

  And they figure out a way to thrive.

• 13:55Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 13:55Lewis Howes?

  How much importance does our environment play in our overall success?

• 14:00Jay Shetty?

  If you look at the examples that you just shared and you really analyze life, you'd see very little because you see people craft their own life. So a good example for me is that when I came back from living in the ashram and there were other people who may have been monks who'd also left the path. And I came back to a not financially successful or supportive family. So my family doesn't have abundant wealth and couldn't necessarily have taken care of me or paid for me forever. And I had to figure out my own life. And that to me was a great sense of impetus and incentive to go and figure it out and learn new skills and network and meet people. And I saw other friends who'd parents had like a property portfolio

• 14:44Jay Shetty?

  with like 10 properties ready to hand them over. They had a BMW the second that they came out, whatever, you know, from their own life.

• 14:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:51Jay Shetty?

  Or I even have friends that had all of that and didn't become monks and didn't even find careers. So I've also got friends that I went to school with that today don't even have careers, even though their parents were really well established.

• 15:03Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:03Jay Shetty?

  Which has, all of these examples have continued me to believe that we truly have influence in our, more than our environment. Our environment affects us for sure. It plants seeds and weeds into our life, but there is still a choice. And, and I think even if you feel there isn't a choice. Simply by accepting that there is, it means you have a chance to get out of there. And I think that's what.

• 15:28Lewis Howes?

  Because if you don't accept that there is, then you're just gonna stay stuck.

• 15:30Jay Shetty?

  Correct, like, there've been so many times in my life, and there's a beautiful quote from Edison. I don't think I said this last time, but if I did, it's worth repeating. He said that, "When you believe you've exhausted all options, remember this, you haven't." And the reason why I love that is, your mind continuously feels stuck when it's tried the obvious. And that's why a lot of creativity and focus studies say that the first ten ideas that come to your mind are never the most interesting. It's when you get into the eleventh idea that you start breaking the pattern. And so if someone asks you, "Oh, what's your best business idea?", your first ten ideas are probably not that innovative. And so the mind constantly gets stuck on that train, and you've got to keep reminding yourself that there is another door, there could be another pathway.

• 16:15Jay Shetty?

  I was thinking about a piece of advice that, so, one of my closest spiritual mentors, who is in London, I knew him since I was probably like twelve and probably since I was eighteen. He passed away this year from stage four brain cancer. And he'd had brain cancer for about, I think, like, three, three, four years now, and so I hadn't really had a real interaction with him for the past few years, because every time I saw him, he wasn't fully functioning in his short-term memory. His long-term memory was there, but his short-term memory wasn't. And I remember speaking to him, probably about seven, eight years ago, and asking him the question. I said to him, "You know, I've got so many ideas. There's so many things I could do. Where do I start?" And he said this beautiful thing to me. He said, "You know what?

• 16:57Jay Shetty?

  Your role should be to open up every door possible." And he said, "Let the world close the doors you're not meant to walk through, and walk through the ones that remain open." And what I realized is, most of us are just not opening up enough doors, because we think we only have the option of two doors. We look at life as binary. Zero and one, zero and one, right? It's just A or B, this or that. And, I mean, I think you'd say this too, about you and every guest you've ever had on. I don't think life is ever this or that. It's like this, that, and that, and maybe that, and that. And there's always a gap.

• 17:29Lewis Howes?

  Of course. The challenge that people have that I've sensed a lot is the fear of criticism when you go after something that you weren't supposed to do, or that people don't think you're supposed to do. Why do so many people fear criticism from peers, family, friends, the media? Why is that such a big fear? And how do we overcome criticism from others?

• 17:53Jay Shetty?

  Psychologically, we feel a sense of safety and security when we think people agree with us. Right? That is just psychologically true, that we would rather avoid conflict and sit in a space where we agree, and therefore we have something called confirmation bias and the echo chamber, where we keep surrounding ourselves with thoughts and ideas that are similar and reaffirm our beliefs. Now, I think that you can have that and at the same time entertain ideas that you're not sure about yet. And so one of my favorite examples was MIT did this study where they asked people which person was more creative and innovative. And they showed two charts.

• 18:36Jay Shetty?

  One chart was employee A and the other chart was employee B. The chart for employee A, all of the people they knew, knew each other and knew them back. So it was almost like a closed loop. And employee B, they knew lots of people who didn't know each other. And they found that people who have more people in their network who don't know each other are more likely to be creative and productive.

• 18:59Lewis Howes?

  Really? Why is that?

• 19:00Jay Shetty?

  Because they expose you to opposing ideas and they may counteract how you think. So one of my favorite examples of this is a conversation between Mark Zuckerberg and one of his mentors. So Mark Zuckerberg told this story at the Facebook headquarters a few years back. I wasn't there, I've seen it on video, I'm sure it's available. And he talks about how, when he was struggling with the direction of Facebook in 2009, he approached his mentor. And his mentor happened to be Steve Jobs.

• 19:31Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 19:31Jay Shetty?

  Pretty cool.

• 19:32Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 19:32Jay Shetty?

  Pretty cool, I wish.

• 19:33Lewis Howes?

  That's really cool.

• 19:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's so cool, man. And so anyway, so Mark Zuckerberg goes to Steve Jobs and he says, "I'm struggling with the direction of Facebook." But at that time, Facebook was five years old. There was no fan pages, I don't think. I don't, I don't think it was, there was no creators, there was, I don't think there were fan pages. It was very much used by university students at that stage. Like, I think it was mainly like Ivy Leagues. College kids. College kids. And I don't even think it was international in a massive way. Very early days, and now we can't even think of that. But two thousand and nine, I mean, you know, you just about had the iPhone and just about had Instagram and YouTube. So he went up to Steve Jobs and he said, you know, I'm struggling with the direction of Facebook. What do I do? Now, Steve Jobs, at that time, obviously, was already the founder of one of the biggest brands on the planet. And obviously, the brand still is.

• 20:20Jay Shetty?

  He had access to investors, he had access to business coaches. I'm sure he had access to life coaches, he had access to. Health experts and everything. He had access to anything, like, I don't think there was anyone. Scientists, PhDs. I don't think there's anyone in the world who Steve Jobs couldn't have called up at the time. And Steve Jobs said something amazing. He said, you know what, Mark? I think you should go and live in an ashram in India. He did not. He did. No way. It's a true story. He goes, and when you go to live in the ashram in India, that's where, if you spend some time there, that's where you'll find your answer. Shut up. And Mark did it. No way. Went to the ashram, this is a true story. For how long? I, I believe he was there for, I believe, I've seen two online, I've seen two versions of the exact time he was there. I've seen some people said it was a couple of days or a week, or some people said it's a month.

• 21:05Jay Shetty?

  So I think it's, it's hazy how much time he actually spent there. But, but he went. And he says that, based on that experience, that's where he found the direction of Facebook, to be connecting people. Now, the reason why I love that story is because it's the unobvious, alternative, random connection. And when Harvard did a study of three thousand executives, they looked at and asked them, what's the number one skill for being a good leader? And a lot of people would say communication, a lot of people would say. Vision. Vision, strategy, humility. And the number one answer that they got from three thousand executives was the one word which is called associating. And what that means is the ability to spot patterns where everyone else doesn't see them.

• 21:51Jay Shetty?

  And that's the connect that real leaders can spot patterns and connections in anomalies. So most people would be like, what has an ashram got to do with a tech platform?

• 22:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 22:01Jay Shetty?

  But that is where you expand your mind to find answers that you never expected.

• 22:08Lewis Howes?

  How important is creating alone time with noises, people, busy work to allow your mind to expand? Is that the only time in that silence? I think you mentioned it. Silence to hear in between the lines. Yeah. Is that where we start to hear what we're supposed to be creating? Where we're supposed to be heading, our mission?

• 22:29Jay Shetty?

  That's, yeah, I'm really glad you brought that back. I wanted to get back to that. So when we talk about, there's a beautiful statement by David Lynch, who's movie producer and a deep meditator. And he says that prayer is how you talk to God and meditation is how God talks to you.

• 22:47Lewis Howes?

  Ooh.

• 22:48Jay Shetty?

  And whether you believe in God or the universe or spirit or divine, whatever it means, the point is that there is a dialogue and a conversation.

• 22:55Lewis Howes?

  So prayer is like you're speaking, you're saying, here's what I want.

• 22:58Jay Shetty?

  Here's how I feel.

• 22:58Lewis Howes?

  Help me.

• 22:59Jay Shetty?

  Help me, yeah.

• 23:00Lewis Howes?

  And meditation is more receiving.

• 23:01Jay Shetty?

  Receiving, yeah. And so I love that statement because I think it makes it very clear that we have to have a dialogue with the universe. We have to have a dialogue with people in our lives. We have to have a dialogue and there's both giving and receiving. So when I talk about hearing in between the lines, the best example I can give you, Lewis, is let's take a look at you and your relationship and mine and my wife's relationship. One of us is always traveling.

• 23:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:28Jay Shetty?

  So you travel, your partner travels, I travel, my wife travels. Sometimes we're missing each other. Imagine you've got really busy and hectic. Do you think, and anyone listening or watching, you can ask the same question, if you were really busy and hectic and stressed out, do you think your partner feels comfortable to tell you how they feel and get your attention?

• 23:50Lewis Howes?

  If I'm busy, stressed out, overwhelmed, will my partner tell me how I feel about themselves or about?

• 23:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, do you think they would feel confident to be like, Louis, I need to tell you something really important?

• 24:00Lewis Howes?

  I don't think they would.

• 24:01Jay Shetty?

  They wouldn't. They really wouldn't because

• 24:03Lewis Howes?

  They don't want to stress you out more. You're not present, all these things.

• 24:07Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. So exactly that. And so what happens is when you're still, your mind and body actually get to speak to you and give you signals of how they feel. And so when you're still, that's when you notice that ache in your foot that you haven't noticed for a month. Sometimes when you slow down, that's when you get sick. Because your body wasn't allowing itself to be sick because you were pushing it to get through stuff. And so just like your partners can't communicate with you until you slow down, your body and mind can't communicate with you until you're still. And so there's a beautiful Buddhist teaching that says what movement does for the body, stillness does for the mind. And so when we find that space, stillness and solitude,

• 24:51Jay Shetty?

  you really are able to hear your deepest desires and challenges, your physical pains and areas of growth. It's one of the reasons why when people meditate, they feel sleepy afterwards and they think they're doing it wrong. But actually, they're doing it right. Meditation just told you you needed more sleep.

• 25:08Lewis Howes?

  You needed to rest.

• 25:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, meditation was just a signal. So sometimes when I meditate with people that I'm coaching.

• 25:13Lewis Howes?

  They're like, pass out.

• 25:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, some of them will be like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Jay. I'm just feeling so tired. And I'm like, no.

• 25:20Lewis Howes?

  Then sleep, then rest.

• 25:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's what your body's telling you because you finally listened. And some people are like, oh, Jay, I feel so energized. And I'm like, yeah, because you allowed yourself to be in line with your body. I know your body's saying that you feel energized. And that's great. You've got that energy. Go work out, go build something. So.

• 25:35Lewis Howes?

  Or you've cleared out those negative thoughts, or you've let go of those distractions or that resentment. And so you're not feeling this weight, so you feel lighter.

• 25:42Jay Shetty?

  Correct. And so that stillness and silence is one of my favorite ways for you to actually build that relationship with hearing your inner voice.

• 25:52Lewis Howes?

  Is there too much silence? Like if you say, okay, five hours a day, is there a tipping point where you're like, okay, I think you do two hours every morning, but a lot of people say, well, I've only got 20 minutes, maybe. Is five hours too much? Is an hour? You know, what is the maximum or minimum or sweet spot you think for people to be silent every day? To live a great life?

• 26:14Jay Shetty?

  I think, I think twenty minutes is a great starting point.

• 26:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:17Jay Shetty?

  Because twenty minutes is significant enough time for your mind to switch off. So we hear that study showed that we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts a day.

• 26:25Lewis Howes?

  And a lot of them are repeating.

• 26:26Jay Shetty?

  Eighty percent are negative and I'm guessing a lot of them are repeating. And so if you're only gonna say I'm gonna do five minutes, it just takes five minutes to switch off. Like it takes five minutes to just overcome that noise. And so I'd say that twenty minutes is a good amount of time. And hey, you're not trying, and I think this is the challenge with meditation mindfulness. You're not trying to empty your mind. You're just trying to be present with it and actually experience, and listen to it and experience it.

• 26:52Lewis Howes?

  If we were to truly find that peace every day and be able to be present, relax our heart rate, you know, not empty our mind, but listen to what's happening. What would you say are the three questions we should ask ourselves every single day? That would help us improve our life.

• 27:08Jay Shetty?

  In that moment?

• 27:09Lewis Howes?

  Internal questions every day during meditation. What should I be asking myself and what should the world be asking ourselves? In order to make sure we're living a purposeful life.

• 27:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, what a beautiful question. Yeah, I'd say one of the first questions that always comes to my mind is, is how can I be of service today? How can I be, and this is extended from that first question, how can I be an instrument of love, compassion and kindness? And that's what I count as service in my own definition. And so what I would say to anyone listening is define the words yourself. Because what service means to you, me, may be different to you.

• 27:48Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 27:48Jay Shetty?

  And so it's important, but for me, it's like, how can I be of service today? And the reason why I love that is, we've talked about this before. When you're wired for service, you're set up, right? We talked about in the last podcast, like service sets you up to feel satisfaction, to build bonds and create connections and does so much. So being of service is one of the first questions I would ask. The second question I would ask myself is, what do I love about myself? Right, what do I actually love about myself?

• 28:12Lewis Howes?

  That is probably the most powerful question anyone could ask because most people never learn to love themselves.

• 28:17Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 28:17Lewis Howes?

  And we always find the things that we don't love about ourselves and we fixate on those things and that's one of the repeating thoughts in our head that keeps us playing small every day.

• 28:25Jay Shetty?

  All the time, all the time and and we talk a lot about today self-love and self-care, but I think, you know, a lot of that starts with self-awareness, which we know about, self-knowledge, but self-knowledge creates self-trust and a lot of it's like learning to trust ourselves and it's like if I don't know what I love about myself, how am I ever gonna trust myself? How am I gonna trust that I have my best interests at heart? And so asking yourself, what do you love? And and then the third and final question I think I would ask myself is, is who do I want to be? Right? Who do I want? Who is the person that I need to be that I can love, that I want to love, that I want to give

• 29:07Jay Shetty?

  more love to? Like what parts of growth are there still available? And and this one thing I want to add, which isn't a question, but it has been a really reaffirming or or deepening affirmation for me that I keep reminding myself, and I think it's helped a lot of people that I've shared it with, is literally some days I'll just put my hand on my heart and I'll just repeat to myself, I'm exactly where I need to be. And it's just such a great reminder, like if you literally put your hand on your heart and you just go, I am exactly where I need to be, you stop getting lost in the future, you stop worrying about the past and you realize that everything you need to learn, everything you read right now to make a change, it's all right now, it's all right here. And

• 29:50Jay Shetty?

  so that's one of my favorite things to repeat. It's not a question, but-

• 29:53Lewis Howes?

  It's more of a mantra saying-

• 29:54Jay Shetty?

  Correct, yeah.

• 29:56Lewis Howes?

  Because I find I find it so hard for people today who compare themselves to everyone online about not being where they want to be or not having the the career or the relationship or the body or whatever, the following or the attention. A lot of people compare themselves to other people in their space.

• 30:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 30:14Lewis Howes?

  Friends, family, and they don't feel enough. And so when we say to ourselves, I'm exactly where I need to be, does that help us eliminate the feeling of not being enough?

• 30:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. You're spot on because we're always feeling like we're, we either feel like we're ahead- We feel like, oh, I'm doing better than everyone. I'm kind of like winning the game. Or more often, we feel behind, but we feel like, oh, they just got promoted. Oh, they just, you know, they got proposed to, whatever it is, like, we always feel.

• 30:41Lewis Howes?

  They had their first child or whatever.

• 30:42Jay Shetty?

  They had their first child, they bought their first house, whatever it is, and we're always feeling ahead or behind. And so when you say to yourself, I'm exactly where I need to be, you realize you're not ahead or behind. And the problem is, if you always think you're ahead or behind, then you're always comparing yourself to others. Whereas if you're where you need to be, you now just need to get to the next place of where you wanna be.

• 31:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:05Jay Shetty?

  And, and also, you only get ahead of yourself by first being present with yourself.

• 31:10Lewis Howes?

  I think it's really hard to say that when you're in a challenging place in your life. I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm broke, my, my dog died, my girlfriend broke up with me, like, it's hard to accept that. And I've been there, I know you've been there, it's really challenging to say, my life is perfect right now, when you don't feel that way.

• 31:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 31:29Lewis Howes?

  But I think when you can learn to accept timing of life and know that, you know, a mentor of mine, early on, um, when I was broke and I was an intern, working for free for six months for someone, I was living on my sister's couch. I remember saying, I would do walks with him every day, and I was like, man, I could really use some money, like, in my life. I'm just sick of being broke. And he said something I'll never forget. He said, money comes to you when you're ready for it. And I was like, I feel pretty ready right now, like, I feel like I could have some money.

• 31:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:00Lewis Howes?

  And I wasn't ready for it mentally, emotionally, my life wasn't set up. I didn't have systems set up in place to really receive the money and be able to do good with it. And be able to use it for good in my life and put it to good use. And later, when I started to make money, I realized, like, oh, I probably would have blown that money. I would have spent it poorly, I would have made the wrong investments, whatever it may be.

• 32:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:24Lewis Howes?

  It's hard to hear when things aren't going well, but I think trusting the timing of your life. Like, if you would have built your empire seven years ago, you probably wouldn't have been ready for, maybe, maybe you would have been, but you wouldn't have been ready, or social media wasn't the right timing for your message to be out there, is that right?

• 32:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I, I, I think that if I wouldn't have gone to monk school. Then I think you can become successful, but still feel extremely dissatisfied. Or misuse the success.

• 32:55Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 32:55Jay Shetty?

  And I don't think that that can be blamed on anyone because no one's ever been taught how to deal with failure or success. There's no class on here's how you deal with failure or here's how you deal with success. But the funny thing is those are the two most extreme things that we all experience.

• 33:10Lewis Howes?

  And the things we're most afraid of are failure and success.

• 33:12Jay Shetty?

  And success.

• 33:13Lewis Howes?

  So how do we deal with failure? If you could give a mini masterclass right now, what would you suggest to people who are afraid to fail? How to deal with it?

• 33:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think one of my first things in failure is don't take it more personally than it actually is. And I'll give an example of that. When I was applying to forty companies that all rejected me before an interview.

• 33:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:38Jay Shetty?

  All I was getting was an automated response saying your application will not go any further. I can't take that personally because they didn't meet me in person. They didn't have a interaction with me. They just saw my name. They saw I'd been a monk for three years. That resume is useless. I mean, what's your transferable skills like sitting in silence and stillness? Surprise, surprise, no one wants to hire a monk. And so they rejected you, but that's not personal because they didn't meet me in person.

• 34:05Lewis Howes?

  But what if they had a meeting?

• 34:06Jay Shetty?

  Right, so that's the first step. The first step is don't take all fear of failure. I'll give an example. Me and you, we reach out to countless guests to be on our podcast.

• 34:15Lewis Howes?

  Who say no all the time?

• 34:16Jay Shetty?

  Who say no all the time. But if I don't hear a no from the guest directly, that's not a no. Like someone's team can say no, someone's assistant can say no, someone's PR team can say no, but until they say no personally, it's not a no.

• 34:29Lewis Howes?

  Okay, but when they do say no?

• 34:30Jay Shetty?

  Then that's a no, yeah. So then let's move to that.

• 34:32Lewis Howes?

  So how do you deal with that type of failure?

• 34:33Jay Shetty?

  Yes, so if I deal with a failure where someone meets me in person and gets the no.

• 34:37Lewis Howes?

  No, Jay, you're horrible. You suck. Like, I don't want to deal with a monk ever in my life.

• 34:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 34:41Lewis Howes?

  I would never go on your show. I'm never listening to you, never.

• 34:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 34:45Lewis Howes?

  Then how do you deal with that type of failure?

• 34:47Jay Shetty?

  So I've heard you say this, I've said a couple of times and I'm sure it's been repeated a bunch of times around how I genuinely believe failure has feedback.

• 34:54Lewis Howes?

  Feedback, yeah.

• 34:54Jay Shetty?

  And so for me, it's like failure has the ability to actually tell you what you need to improve. Now, not to improve, to get their attention. Improving to get the actions that you want to take.

• 35:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, the results you want.

• 35:08Jay Shetty?

  The results you want, and don't make that result about the person who said no. Don't try use failure as a way to prove someone else wrong.

• 35:16Lewis Howes?

  Because what happens when we prove others wrong?

• 35:18Jay Shetty?

  When you prove others wrong, you end up trying to get validation and approval for them. And now if they're not impressed when you're right, you lose again. So you end up losing twice.

• 35:27Lewis Howes?

  And you spend all this time and energy, years maybe to prove someone wrong. I've been there many times and then you're like, I felt good for a moment.

• 35:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 35:34Lewis Howes?

  And then I feel empty again.

• 35:35Jay Shetty?

  Totally. And so that's the thing about failure in the second half is you have to see failure as an improvement. If I'm completely honest, everyone who rejected me in my life up until now has made me more hungry, taught me so much more about myself and made me up my game.

• 35:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:53Jay Shetty?

  And I think if failure doesn't make you up your game, it's the same as losing in a sport. Right? When you fail and you've lost games and you've won games on the big stages.

• 36:03Lewis Howes?

  You didn't have the skills, you didn't have the teamwork, you guys weren't hungry enough.

• 36:06Jay Shetty?

  You weren't communicating enough.

• 36:08Lewis Howes?

  There's something you were missing.

• 36:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 36:09Lewis Howes?

  So you go review the game film, you check the stats, you see what could I have done better? And you try to improve that for the next game.

• 36:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 36:16Lewis Howes?

  And I think a lot of people can do that in life, but we're so afraid to like go on the next game of life. Like I got rejected once and it hurts so bad.

• 36:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 36:25Lewis Howes?

  How do people learn to overcome that pain of rejection?

• 36:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 36:29Lewis Howes?

  To keep going.

• 36:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 36:30Lewis Howes?

  You know, in sports, luckily there's a season, it's like you might have thirty basketball games. After you lose the first two, you don't say, ah, I'm just gonna give up the rest of the season.

• 36:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 36:38Lewis Howes?

  You keep playing.

• 36:39Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 36:40Lewis Howes?

  But in life, a lot of people stop playing.

• 36:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 36:42Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 36:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I think that's great mental training too. I think sports is great mental training. Because you have to show up to the next game, even if you lost and you don't feel bad.

• 36:51Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 36:51Jay Shetty?

  That you don't feel good, sorry. And one of the things, before I dive into that question, one of the things that you reminded me of was the Last Dance documentary. So there's that season that Michael Jordan, everyone is in agreement that he is one of the best players to be playing and they keep losing.

• 37:09Lewis Howes?

  And they didn't make the finals.

• 37:10Jay Shetty?

  Right. They didn't make the finals, they lost. And then they realized they need to get the team. And they need to find, I think they're bringing Dennis Rodman and then start bringing in all these other players that strengthen. Whereas if they would have just said, oh, we got the best player in the world, we just keep doing this. I'm not sure they would have got there, right? But the coach Phil Jackson and the team, they had to adapt. And so you're saying, why do we feel that pain in rejection? And how do we deal with that? I think we feel that pain because we look at a failure, right? We look at it as a complete definition of us, right? We're looking at it as, as, uh, there's that famous statement of like, you know, failure is an event, not a person. And I don't know who said it, but it's one of those statements that, that really clicks.

• 37:53Jay Shetty?

  Like failure is, uh, an event, not a person. Whereas we start thinking, we are the failure. Like we say, I am a failure. Exactly, right? Like I, those are the words. I am a failure. I got rejected. And it's like, no, your application got rejected.

• 38:13Lewis Howes?

  Okay, your efforts.

• 38:14Jay Shetty?

  Your effort, your specific effort at this moment in time got rejected. Your specific exam at this point got failed. You didn't, you are not a failure. And so you have to disconnect and distance yourself from the event.

• 38:27Lewis Howes?

  You know what's interesting is like, no one who was successful at everything they did ever told a good story. Like the greatest stories are the ones who overcame failure and adversity. It's not the ones who are like, everything was easy for me. Everyone loved me. Everyone accepted my actions. I didn't have to work hard and it just came to me effortlessly. Like people don't care about that. It's not a good story. That's not an inspirational human being.

• 38:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:51Lewis Howes?

  It's the human that had to deal with adversity that we really admire and we look up to.

• 38:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:56Lewis Howes?

  Even if they had some low moments, it's a much better story of hearing about someone's failure than hearing how they succeeded.

• 39:03Jay Shetty?

  Totally. And you've, that's a beautiful lesson that one of the biggest mistakes we make is we don't study the stories of the greats. So how many people's lives have you studied from start to finish?

• 39:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:16Jay Shetty?

  If you've studied someone's life from start to finish, I genuinely believe this is like the core skill that's needed. I would say that the people I admire, I have studied their lives from start to finish. I know why they made bad decisions, what they considered to be good decisions. Like there's autobiographies and biographies out there. There's podcasts like hours where people come and listen to people's stories. If you've not studied. Someone's story, then you can't follow that path because every time you hit a rejection. So every time I get rejected, I think of Steve Jobs getting kicked out of his own company.

• 39:48Lewis Howes?

  Crazy, isn't it?

• 39:48Jay Shetty?

  Every time I fail, I think about Michael Jordan losing a game. Every time I get tired of training, I think about Cristiano Ronaldo putting in that extra rep. Those are the visual cues that we need. But you only get those visual cues if you've done the research and the study. And then you go, oh, if Steve Jobs was kicked out of his own company, but then still had the audacity at one point to go and build Pixar, then I think I'm all right if I just didn't get this job.

• 40:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and Apple wouldn't be where it is today without him getting kicked out, learning the lessons, having humility, like gaining some compassion, all the things that people said he didn't have fully at that time. He learned by having to be kicked out, start something else, bring a new perspective. What did you call it? The association?

• 40:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, associating, yeah.

• 40:34Lewis Howes?

  Like he was able to then go somewhere else and spot different trends. And then he came back to Apple and built it to where it is today, well, helped build it to where it is today. And he probably, Apple wouldn't be where it is today without him being a rejection.

• 40:47Jay Shetty?

  Which is crazy to just think of that, yeah, exactly.

• 40:50Lewis Howes?

  So if he would have kept saying, I'm gonna keep doing it my way and this is the way it is, it probably would have had some challenges.

• 40:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's the, the more you study the lives of inspirational people, and that's what I'd say is everyone should pick their top three inspirational people and go and study their lives.

• 41:06Lewis Howes?

  The full life, yeah.

• 41:07Jay Shetty?

  The full life. And read the biography, the autobiography, listen to every podcast. I mean, like seriously get immersed in that person, or the journey in the industry you're trying to make it in. And when you do that, you'll realize that your journey actually doesn't look that different from theirs. It actually probably looks similar.

• 41:24Lewis Howes?

  So how do we go inside our minds and say, okay, I'm getting rejected over and over again, I'm trying really hard, it's not working. How do we still deal with that emotional pain? Is it just the self-awareness that every great person had to go through this? And this is just a timing thing? Like, how do we eventually just? Ease that, or should we not try to ease that pain?

• 41:45Jay Shetty?

  I don't think it's about easing it. I think it's about engaging it. You know, it's and I believe that the engaging does the easing, in my opinion at least. So what I mean by that is, behind that pain is a understanding that I don't have this skill. Or is an understanding of, I didn't try hard enough. Or is an understanding of, oh, maybe there's just another option. Because guess what? Sometimes you may have done the best pitch in the world, and you just had an executive that didn't like your vibe.

• 42:16Lewis Howes?

  Keep going, keep asking different people.

• 42:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, keep going. Like, you know, you've just got to realize that there's one, there's a, you have to engage that pain in discovery. And that eases it. Because when you discover, like, oh, that, like, for example, let's take my podcast. My podcast producer, the team that was meant to produce my podcast, pulled out two weeks before we launched my podcast. And I thought I had this big deal lined up. I was really excited. I'd never launched a podcast before. And I thought, oh, yeah, this could be amazing. And I was in India, meditating for my annual trip that I take. I come back, and the first news I remember receiving is, by the way, this isn't happening anymore. And I'd said that I was going to launch my podcast on Valentine's Day 2019. And I had my episodes recorded with my wife, and I'd already gone out and made the content.

• 43:01Jay Shetty?

  So just to tee up how bad that two-week notice was, I'd already gone to Monaco, interviewed Novak. I'd already interviewed Lily, I'd interviewed Russell Brand in London, I'd interviewed my wife. And obviously, those people are all close friends and people I know. So they were very happy to be on the podcast, even when it was new. So I'd already done all that effort. I'd already created all the content myself. All this podcast company was going to do was put it out there and help me market it a bit. And then they pull out two weeks before it comes out. And I'm going to myself, wow, okay, like, I can either sit here and be really sad, or I can scrap together and figure it out. And so the only thing I realized was it actually turned out perfectly because now I own my podcast.

• 43:43Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 43:44Jay Shetty?

  And I'm completely aware of every part of the journey and it gave me more confidence in myself that I could scrap together when I had to.

• 43:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:53Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's what it is that we lack confidence. We're waiting for someone else to tell us how we should feel about ourself.

• 44:00Lewis Howes?

  And I think if we go back to those three questions you said, like when you're feeling a failure over and over and over again, or you feel a sense of I'm not enough or whatever it may be, go back to asking those three questions to yourself. How can I be of service today or or serve today? What can I love about myself? So even when everyone's saying no, what is there to love about me?

• 44:18Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 44:18Lewis Howes?

  To remind yourself and not be validated by other people's opinions.

• 44:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:22Lewis Howes?

  And who do I want to be?

• 44:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:23Lewis Howes?

  That I can love.

• 44:24Jay Shetty?

  Yes, exactly. Who do I need to become?

• 44:26Lewis Howes?

  Who do I need to become that I can love and just keep focusing on the process because the process is the prize.

• 44:31Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 44:32Lewis Howes?

  And focus on that journey.

• 44:33Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 44:33Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious about success then. You know, we we talked about how to deal with failure. But how do we deal with success? Because this is actually when I ask most people, fifty fifty of people are failure and success is their biggest fear. And some people say, why would you be afraid of success? But a lot of people are afraid to succeed because of the weight, the pressure. Uh, can I maintain it? My family and friends aren't going to support me and they're going to try to pull me back down, all this stuff. How do we deal with success? Because we're not taught this growing up. So how do you think we should deal with it?

• 45:05Jay Shetty?

  One of my favorite ways to deal with success is continue trying to be the least successful person in the room that you and I think there's those statements of like, you know.

• 45:14Lewis Howes?

  Always be the dumbest person.

• 45:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, never be the smartest person in the room, etc. And I think it's the same with if you become successful, don't just stand at the top of the mountain, don't just stand at the top of the building. Go back down the stairs and and keep building and keep living as that person that got you there because you only got there because you started from the bottom. Right, no one starts at the top and so you started at the bottom and you built it up. And it was that mindset that you started with that got you there. And so you wanna keep rediscovering that mindset and new parts of it and new parts of that mindset too. Where you're always trying to challenge yourself. And so for me, one of the best ways of dealing with success is keep expanding the goalposts.

• 45:54Jay Shetty?

  Right, keep widening the goalposts, keep making them harder to reach and challenging yourself because when you challenge yourself. And you push yourself out of your comfort zone, you're naturally humbled. Because you're naturally humbled when you're walking into spaces, I'm sure you feel this sometimes like. Sometimes I walk into a room and I'm like, how did I even get here?

• 46:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, sitting at a table, I'm like, I'm the, why should I be here?

• 46:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, like, and, and there's part of it that's imposter syndrome and that can have its own negativity, but. Part of that just lets me feel like a beginner again.

• 46:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:23Jay Shetty?

  And I appreciate that feeling and I go, this is amazing because. Learning to be grateful. And stop just thinking that, oh, I earned all of this and I did it all myself and I'm self-made. You start recognizing gratitude for all the people that got you there. So for me in success, first thing is be grateful for all your teachers, mentors, guides, people that got you there. The second thing is always keep challenging yourself because the more you're out of your comfort zone, the more naturally you stay humble. You don't stay humble by trying to be humble. You become humbled constantly.

• 46:55Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 46:55Jay Shetty?

  By trying to do stuff that's out of your league, which constantly makes you prepare, work, deepen what you have.

• 47:02Lewis Howes?

  All that stuff.

• 47:02Jay Shetty?

  All of that stuff that makes you go there again. And, and then the third thing you do with success is I think you try and share it with others. You try and use your platforms as an opportunity to give other people a platform.

• 47:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:13Jay Shetty?

  So that they can come up as well, because you're reminded of what a beautiful gift you have.

• 47:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and how the people supported you or gave you an opportunity or gave you an interview or something.

• 47:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, there was, there was someone successful who had to give you something.

• 47:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, a piece of wisdom.

• 47:28Jay Shetty?

  Coming on your podcast, uh, yeah, giving you an insight.

• 47:31Lewis Howes?

  Quote, whatever, yeah.

• 47:32Jay Shetty?

  Or even rejecting you, like what, even indirectly, someone had to do something.

• 47:36Lewis Howes?

  That's true, you know, it's funny because I love this approach to having humility when you succeed. And I also think, let me know if you think I'm, you know. Off here, I also feel like sometimes we get into a place where we're always putting it on other people like, you know, it's not about me, it's about the team, it's about this. Like I see that a lot as well where some people are more extreme, like I'm the man, and then other people are like, you know what? It wasn't me at all, it was God, it was the team, like I just showed up, you know? So I think there's a balance of, I love this speech that Snoop Dogg gave. Where he's, I think it was like on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

• 48:12Jay Shetty?

  When he got his star.

• 48:13Lewis Howes?

  And he says like, I want to thank me for me. I want to thank me for all those late nights I put in, for all the hard work, for like overcoming the rejection. Like he went on this thing and I want to thank me for like showing up.

• 48:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 48:25Lewis Howes?

  And I think we also should acknowledge ourselves for, yes, people helped us.

• 48:30Jay Shetty?

  For sure.

• 48:30Lewis Howes?

  We got guidance, we had all this, this, this access, but Snoop Dogg still had to show up.

• 48:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 48:37Lewis Howes?

  He still had to put in the hours and the time to make the results. And I think it's, correct me if I'm wrong, is it, is it good to also acknowledge ourselves for the, the work we put in, the wins, the things we do?

• 48:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 48:48Lewis Howes?

  Or is it, or is it all about being humble and acknowledging everything else?

• 48:51Jay Shetty?

  I think it's about being honest.

• 48:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:53Jay Shetty?

  It's honesty, right? Like humility means to be honest. It's like the ability to say, this is what this person deserves credit for, and this is what I deserve credit for, and this is what this person, it's like, it's kind of like when you write the acknowledgements of your book, right? You, you write, I mean, you, and I, and I remember doing that process and really thinking about like, who's helped this book in different ways? And everyone gets their line in the acknowledgement who's made a difference. Now, your name goes on the front cover because you wrote the book. Like you want everyone to receive the credit to the degree they merit it.

• 49:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 49:24Jay Shetty?

  And so you never want someone to feel like they didn't receive as much credit as they deserve. And at the same time, you don't want to give someone more credit than they deserve. The point of credit is to give it where credit's due.

• 49:34Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 49:34Jay Shetty?

  And so for me, that's honesty, that's humility. Arrogance and pride is when you start to feel like only you did it on your own. And we all know that's just not true. Like, I can't say I did it all on my own. I, I just, I can't anyway. I definitely can't say that. And I can't say it was all other people. And so that is the, that's where honesty and humility, I think, live together.

• 49:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, acknowledging everything about it.

• 49:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:00Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious about, you know, a lot of people haven't learned about how to deal with failure or success. And I don't think people have been trained how to believe in themselves. And for me, self doubt is a big thing. I think it keeps people back from their dreams. And I'm curious, I'm gonna share five words with you. Beliefs, thoughts, words, actions, and intentions. How should we be thinking about beliefs, thoughts, words, actions, and intentions within our life? Because I think those five things dictate the results, the outcome, our feelings, all of this in our life. Based on beliefs, thoughts, words, actions, intentions. How should we be thinking about these things?

• 50:41Lewis Howes?

  How should we be speaking to help us build our self-confidence? What's your thoughts? I've thrown a lot at you here, but-

• 50:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, let's go down each of them. So let's start with beliefs. So I think the first thing we have to do with beliefs is you have to realize everyone has them. It's not like you don't have beliefs just because you don't know what they are. Everyone has beliefs that they're currently living with. And I think life is about unlearning the beliefs you have and questioning the beliefs you have, and then creating new ones. So the first thing I do with beliefs-

• 51:13Lewis Howes?

  Unlearning?

• 51:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 51:14Lewis Howes?

  From the beginning?

• 51:15Jay Shetty?

  From the beginning.

• 51:15Lewis Howes?

  What if your parents had the answers and the way and the religion and this? Should we be questioning it all?

• 51:20Jay Shetty?

  I think we should question it because questioning, okay, questions are the most powerful invention in the world. Because questions either strengthen or weaken a belief based on the information. So questions aren't always from a place of doubt and cynicism and trying to find a weakness. Questions are a sincere request to figure out something. Like when we're sitting in these interviews, you're not sitting there trying to like be cynical or be- You wanna help yourself and people who are listening and watching. And so that's a question first of all. A question is not to catch someone off guard. A question is not to put someone down. A question is not to mislead people. A question is to uplift yourself and others.

• 52:05Jay Shetty?

  And when you ask a question in that way, the answer can either strengthen a belief you already have or weaken it, or introduce you to a new one.

• 52:14Lewis Howes?

  Why do we get so-

• 52:17Lewis Howes?

  Frustrated when our beliefs get questioned. When we have a belief that we put out in the world or we question someone's belief. Why do people, when they get shaken in their beliefs, they attack, they they break down, they whatever. Why is that? Why don't people just say, okay, that's interesting. Let me look at that more.

• 52:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, because we've defined our identity by our beliefs. So imagine you're on one of these assault courses and you're on this rope and you're being told to swing to the next rope. But in order to catch the next rope, you need to let go of this rope. But you're scared because this rope is currently your safety. So your current belief is your safety. And when you have to consider holding on to another belief and to entertain both together, you're scared that if that one doesn't hold, I'm basically gonna fall. So people are scared that their belief is currently their safety net. And so even if it's wrong, it still makes them feel safe and they feel comfortable. And we don't want to feel uncomfortable, so we'd rather hold on to that safety net, right? So the only way to do it.

• 53:19Lewis Howes?

  How do we get comfortable with questioning our beliefs, but not being like, holding on to nothing?

• 53:25Jay Shetty?

  Well, realizing that you don't have to change your mind or you don't have to leave what you think in order to entertain or be curious about anything and explore. Like, explore and experimenting and experiencing can either strengthen the belief you have or help you find a new one. But you have to do that middle three E's of exploring, experimenting and experiencing. And the problem is that we're just theoretically thinking, we're not experiencing the benefit.

• 53:55Lewis Howes?

  And this is what I love about what you've done in your past. We've talked about this, how, you know, you grew up in a certain religion and then you started studying different religions to see, okay, let me just try this on and let me see what I like about this religion and does that apply to, you know, can I let something go in what I grew up in? Not making anything right or wrong, but just saying what works for you.

• 54:14Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 54:15Lewis Howes?

  Right?

• 54:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:15Lewis Howes?

  And I think taking that experiential journey of asking questions from different beliefs allows you to just say, okay, yeah, this is working for me already. I don't need to change.

• 54:25Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 54:26Lewis Howes?

  And I like this and I'm gonna keep growing.

• 54:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:28Lewis Howes?

  And go from there, right?

• 54:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely. I desire for safety and security. So what you're speaking about was when I was around sixteen, maybe fifteen, I, we used to celebrate Christmas every year. And Christmas is probably my favorite time of year. We were talking about it, like, I love listening to Christmas songs and I love Christmas decoration and for me, Christmas is.

• 54:46Lewis Howes?

  Presents.

• 54:47Jay Shetty?

  Presents. And, and so I grew up in a culture where we celebrated Christmas, but Christmas was presents and a family dinner. And because I went to my school in England, we'd celebrate all the religious holidays. So we knew about all the main stories behind every major world religion. And so I remember celebrating Christmas at home, but thinking, I don't know that much about Jesus. And should I not be connecting with Jesus because that's why we even have this day? And so I started going to church in my local area just out of curiosity. I wasn't trying to be a Christian or trying to be a Hindu or trying to be anything. I was just interested and curious to be like, what is it about Christ that created a day

• 55:28Jay Shetty?

  that has lasted thousands of years that people all over the world celebrate? There must be something here. And so I feel like we get so scared because we want clear designations. We want like a clear title of I am this or I am that. And that gives us a sense of safety and security, but really answers come in the curiosity, not in the security.

• 55:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:49Jay Shetty?

  Right?

• 55:49Lewis Howes?

  What does that identity do to us in a good way or in a negative way?

• 55:53Jay Shetty?

  In a good way, it creates a, and this isn't just about religious identity. It's any identity.

• 55:57Lewis Howes?

  Just any identity.

• 55:57Jay Shetty?

  Whatever. Yeah, it's not about.

• 55:59Lewis Howes?

  Holding on to this identity of yourself.

• 56:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So in the good sense, it surrounds you with more people like that. So if I'm a podcaster, I hang out with more podcasters. We learn more about podcasting and that's a great thing because we will become better podcasters. The mistake is, I go, oh, I can only be a podcaster, but I can't write a book. I can't make a video. I can't do that now. And that's the mistake that it makes. So it should be evolving. These titles that we give ourselves, these communities should help us evolve, not devolve.

• 56:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:26Jay Shetty?

  And and not stop us from expanding and growing.

• 56:29Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 56:30Jay Shetty?

  And and so you want to be around people that are always curious and insightful.

• 56:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:33Jay Shetty?

  Does that make sense?

• 56:34Lewis Howes?

  Makes sense. Perfect sense. Okay, thoughts.

• 56:36Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 56:37Lewis Howes?

  Thoughts are something, what do we have, sixty to eighty thousand thoughts a day, eighty percent are negative.

• 56:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 56:41Lewis Howes?

  And most of them are repeating thoughts.

• 56:43Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 56:44Lewis Howes?

  So let's talk about thoughts.

• 56:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, my favorite technique that I talk about in the book is called spot stop swap.

• 56:50Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 56:50Jay Shetty?

  And so that theme is all around how thoughts are meant to be spotted, stop and reflect, and then swap. And what I mean by that is, if you've got a thought that's repeating, like you said, and is negative, I'm guessing you don't want that thought around for too long.

• 57:06Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 57:07Jay Shetty?

  So you want to spot, when does that thought arrive? Does it arise when I'm with certain people? Does it arise when I'm on a particular social media platform? Does it arise when I go to a particular place? Where is that? What is the seed of that thought? Right? So once I identify that, I now need to stop, spend some time in stillness and go, is this thought benefiting me? Is this thought useful to me? Is this thought actually leading me to who I want to become? And if it's not, I need to swap it with a thought. So one of my favorite ways of, let's take an example of like, I feel less than. I feel like I'm not achieving anything.

• 57:44Lewis Howes?

  I'm no good.

• 57:45Jay Shetty?

  I'm no good. I'm not good enough. So you spot that. And you go, I always feel that when I'm going through this particular Instagram profile, because I'm looking at someone who I think is better than me. Okay, what do I swap that with? You don't swap that with, you're beautiful, you're amazing, you're incredible, because you may not believe that yet.

• 57:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:00Jay Shetty?

  But you stop it, you you swap it with, I feel confident when. I feel attractive when, I feel happy and joyful when, and you figure out what is that thing that I need to be and do to feel that emotion.

• 58:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, so don't lie to yourself.

• 58:16Jay Shetty?

  Don't lie to yourself, because lying to yourself is not gonna get too far.

• 58:19Lewis Howes?

  And you're losing your integrity as well to yourself.

• 58:21Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 58:22Lewis Howes?

  Which makes you less confident.

• 58:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, like I feel healthy when I exercise.

• 58:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:27Jay Shetty?

  I feel happy when I spend time with my wife.

• 58:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and there's a, there's a line that everyone uses, fake it till you make it. But it's really, you should be facing it till you make it, like face that fear, face that doubt, and say, okay, what can I do to improve this until I make myself feel better about it?

• 58:41Jay Shetty?

  If you wanna get a real result for the long term, yes.

• 58:44Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 58:44Jay Shetty?

  Like, if you just wanna make yourself feel better instantly, then do what you need to do. But if you really want to create a life that's fulfilling, that's thoughts.

• 58:52Lewis Howes?

  Thoughts are, can transform your life in a positive way or a negative way.

• 58:57Jay Shetty?

  Completely.

• 58:58Lewis Howes?

  I feel like that's the foundation of our life, is what we think.

• 59:01Jay Shetty?

  The best place to talk about that, though, with thoughts, is the movie Inception.

• 59:04Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 59:05Jay Shetty?

  So you look at how a thought is planted into someone's mind, and how in that movie Leonardo DiCaprio in his wife's mind plants a thought that this is not real. And that thought grows into a belief.

• 59:21Lewis Howes?

  A belief that is so strong, it's crazy.

• 59:23Jay Shetty?

  Right? And it's like, that is literally what a thought can do, and you see that in the Joker movie. So I, I did a whole episode last year, which was all about like, mental health and the Joker. And you look at the Joker's stories, he's trying to bring joy to others, but everyone treats him badly. And so the thought sets in of, I'm not worthy, I'm not valuable, my father doesn't want me, no one thinks I'm funny, everyone makes fun of me, even when I go on TV, everyone's laughing at me. That idea becomes his reality. Now I get that that's a fiction movie, but the point is still that we see, even in today's world. That thoughts have the ability to become, I I forget the word that Leonardo DiCaprio uses in the movie, but that thought.

• 1:00:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, cancer or some type of.

• 1:00:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's like a cancer in the mind, right? Like really just expands. And so I think we have to be so good at spotting, stopping and swapping thoughts.

• 1:00:14Lewis Howes?

  I love that. Okay. So beliefs, we want to ask about everything and question everything.

• 1:00:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:19Lewis Howes?

  Uh, spot, stop, swap thoughts. What about words? How important is the things that come out of our mouth into existence?

• 1:00:27Jay Shetty?

  Harvard did a table, which I really believe is what mindful speaking is all about.

• 1:00:32Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. What is this?

• 1:00:34Jay Shetty?

  So it's called the, it's called Harvard List of Emotions, but I I kind of changed the name to emotional vocabulary because I think it sounds better.

• 1:00:41Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:00:42Jay Shetty?

  So an emotional vocabulary, if you look at all of the world's emotional vocabulary, it's very limited. We use five words to describe pretty much everything. Good, bad.

• 1:00:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:53Jay Shetty?

  Okay, fine, hmm. So it's like, how's your week going? Good. How's your day been? Bad. How are you feeling? Okay. Okay, literally like we we use such limited words and that may be okay for the majority of people. But in your personal relationships, it's so important to expand your emotional vocabulary. So this table that Harvard has made, which anyone can find just by typing in Harvard List of Emotions on Google. What that does is that it shows you that when you say you're sad, what do you actually mean? So it gives you all this list of emotions that sit under the word sad. Are you irritated?

• 1:01:30Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:01:30Jay Shetty?

  Are you offended? Are you disappointed? Have you been let down? The more you expand your emotional vocabulary, the more you can diagnose how you feel.

• 1:01:39Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:01:39Jay Shetty?

  And the more you can tell your partner or your friend.

• 1:01:42Lewis Howes?

  This is how I'm feeling.

• 1:01:43Jay Shetty?

  This is how I'm actually feeling. And and this is one of the biggest mistakes with words is that we think our words mean the same thing. Now, when you say love, you might think forever. And when I say love, I might think for tonight, right? And that is literally how the word love, or care, or marriage, or forever gets misused, abused, and thrown about. Because we both mean different things, and our meanings are based on our backgrounds.

• 1:02:15Lewis Howes?

  Our beliefs.

• 1:02:16Jay Shetty?

  Our beliefs, but how we were born and how our parents.

• 1:02:18Lewis Howes?

  Our culture, our experience.

• 1:02:20Jay Shetty?

  Everything, yeah, it forms our meaning. So, I really believe that in a relationship, in our communication with words, define words. When you say, yeah, we're best friends or friends, what does that mean to you? When we're business partners, what does that mean to you? A contract, in a financial legal sense, is to define the terms.

• 1:02:39Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:02:40Jay Shetty?

  But in our emotional sense, we also need to define the terms. And we don't do that emotionally enough, and that's why we feel emotionally like someone broke the contract. And you have nothing to hold them to, because you've never made a contract.

• 1:02:52Lewis Howes?

  You never communicated.

• 1:02:54Jay Shetty?

  You never communicated.

• 1:02:54Lewis Howes?

  The meaning of these words.

• 1:02:56Jay Shetty?

  Exactly, and that's why words are so powerful, but they're only powerful when we agree on the definition.

• 1:03:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, what are the words we should eliminate from our vocabulary? And what are the words we should be adding or using more of?

• 1:03:08Jay Shetty?

  Words that we should use more of in our life are words that give us the right feeling we want to feel. So I'll give you an example. Instead of saying, now, I work super hard, I do get tired, and I do get exhausted sometimes. I'm very aware of it, and I'm cautious of it. And I realized that for a long time, I just kept repeating, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I'm exhausted. And I'd say to my wife, I'd say to my team.

• 1:03:39Lewis Howes?

  Overwhelmed, stressed.

• 1:03:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I still do it sometimes, it's not that I'm perfect, but you're making me aware of it. And I say that, and I start to realize that, okay, it didn't make me feel better by saying it. And actually, what I was trying to do was get validation from someone else to be like, I know how hard you work, and you're amazing, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And so, you know, you're really doing it for a reaction. And then I start to realize, well. I am tired, but why don't I just say, I'm gonna make some time to nap today. Uh, I need to, I need to find some time today to rest. I need to make sure that I, uh, you know, get some time to myself today. Like when you flip it, not by just saying, oh, I feel amazing, because I don't feel amazing. Again, you don't wanna lie to yourself, but you're trying to create words that help you actually get what you need.

• 1:04:25Jay Shetty?

  So me saying I'm tired, really what I need to be saying is, I need to get some more rest today. I better sleep early. And when you go, oh, you know, to Radhi, Radhi, you know what, I think I'm gonna sleep early tonight. That's, that's perfect, because now I'll sleep early and I'll get the rest and I won't be tired. Never go, hey, Radhi, I'm so tired. It just creates this negative pattern of complaining and whining and, and creating that in ourselves.

• 1:04:46Lewis Howes?

  What, what's the difference between a positive mantra and fake positive thinking? Because there's, you know, the power of positive thinking, but if it's not accurate to where you're currently at, it could be out of integrity with yourself and you could feel off.

• 1:05:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:01Lewis Howes?

  So how do we have a positive mantra, or a saying, or thoughts, or words that support our growth as opposed to, I'm fine when you're not fine?

• 1:05:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

• 1:05:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:11Jay Shetty?

  Because when I'm tired, if I was told to just say to yourself, I'm, I'm healthy, I'm excited, I'm energetic. I may survive for thirty minutes more, but that's not gonna survive for thirty days or three years. And so for me, I find connecting positive mantras to a act or an action. For example, if I'm tired and me saying, I think I need to eat on time, that action is what's gonna solve the fatigue long term. Or me saying, I need to sleep early tonight, that action's gonna solve the fatigue long term. So to me, the positive mantra needs to be linked to an action and a habit that's actually going to relieve you in the long term of that pain point.

• 1:05:49Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:05:49Jay Shetty?

  Right?

• 1:05:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:50Jay Shetty?

  Or like, I need to get my schedule to be more organized on Monday mornings. And, and my favorite example with that, again, I don't know if, yeah, this, with the words. Is the definition that I think we see this most prominently in is the definition of time. So, so many friends will come to me and say, my partner doesn't spend enough time.

• 1:06:11Lewis Howes?

  Or I don't have enough time.

• 1:06:13Jay Shetty?

  And what they're really saying is, from a partner point of view is, I really want energy, intimacy and presence and attention.

• 1:06:22Lewis Howes?

  It's attention.

• 1:06:23Jay Shetty?

  You're not asking for time, you're asking for attention. And I've had friends who have gone on weekends away with their partners and they'll come back and their partner on Monday morning will say, I wish we had more time together. And the partner's thinking, well, but we just spent the whole weekend together, but they're like, no, because you were doing your work and by the beach and you were reading your book and I was trying to take care of the kids and you realize it was never time, it was attention, it was intimacy, it was presence. And so if we don't define those words, all right, words are all about definitions. If you don't define them, people will break that contract and that emotional contract and you have nothing to hold them to.

• 1:06:59Lewis Howes?

  Well, you didn't have the, you guys weren't aligned to your contract.

• 1:07:02Jay Shetty?

  No, not at all.

• 1:07:03Lewis Howes?

  You just had your belief that like, oh, she understands me, he understands me. Like this is the way it is in my life and it must be the same way in their life.

• 1:07:10Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 1:07:11Lewis Howes?

  What are the actions we should be adding more of in our life and the ones we should be eliminating?

• 1:07:16Jay Shetty?

  I think actions that we should be adding more of in our life are actions that create positive habits. I think it has to be habits oriented. It has to be stuff that we can repeat. And, and in Think Like a Monk, I talk about the four key habits in your day, which are thankfulness, inspiration, meditation and exercise, which is the acronym of time. So make more time in your day for thankfulness, inspiration, meditation and exercise. Those are four actions that I think if everyone wants to take in their day, this is what happens. When you're thankful, you boost your immunity, you boost your self-confidence, you boost your mood.

• 1:07:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:55Jay Shetty?

  Because you go, oh, people love me, that means I matter. People care about me, that means I have something to care about. So it boosts your mood. And then when you tell people that you're thankful, you now boost connection and relationship. And when you thank someone, you now boost. The feeling of I have people in my life that care about me and I care about them. So much comes out of that one action. Inspiration or insight, listening to a podcast, reading a book, reading a quote. When you do that, again, you feel excited, you feel enthused, you feel like you're learning, you feel like your mind actually works. And that they can go somewhere. So that's a great action. Meditation, of course, we've talked about at length in the beginning. And exercise, people just don't understand that we could solve so many of our

• 1:08:37Jay Shetty?

  challenges simply by sleep and exercise and diet, like those three things.

• 1:08:43Lewis Howes?

  Change your life.

• 1:08:43Jay Shetty?

  Could change your life. And and we have to just get focused on one at a time. And so we're in actions. I I talk about this thing in principle is we want things to be small steps. But big priorities. So if you want to change an action in your life, it needs to be a big priority. And then you need to break it down into small steps. What we try and do is we try and change everything at the same time.

• 1:09:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, we're like, okay, I'm gonna only eat lettuce. I'm gonna work out three hours a day. I'm gonna sleep ten hours. I'm gonna be. It's like you need to shift your identity around like the thing. And take the small steps towards it, but don't try to do everything right away.

• 1:09:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:20Lewis Howes?

  Like if you want to be healthy and in shape, then you just need to change your identity to say, I am Mr. Fitness.

• 1:09:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:26Lewis Howes?

  Right. I am fitness.

• 1:09:27Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:09:28Lewis Howes?

  And I'm going to start living my habits and my actions towards being in fitness, in in good health.

• 1:09:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:34Lewis Howes?

  But you can't cut, you can't change every habit right away.

• 1:09:37Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 1:09:38Lewis Howes?

  Cause then you'll get burnt out after two weeks. You'll be like, this is exhausting.

• 1:09:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:41Lewis Howes?

  I'm not Mr. Fitness.

• 1:09:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:43Lewis Howes?

  You change your mindset and then take those small actions.

• 1:09:45Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. And there's a beautiful quote from, this is more like an underpinning. Actually, this kind of leads to the next one. We'll save it for the next one.

• 1:09:52Lewis Howes?

  Yep. Intentions.

• 1:09:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So there's a beautiful quote from the Dalai Lama where he said that we're born to help people. And if we can't help them, let's at least not hurt them. And I think that's the intention, that you want to leave every person happier than you found them. Leave every place cleaner than you found it. Leave every project more productive than you found it. Like you want to feel that. If you couldn't uplift something or someone, at least don't pull it down. And I think that when you live like that in your intention, people feel that this isn't necessarily something that you even have to say or do. People feel that when you just leave a place and all you wanted to do was give your energy in a positive way.

• 1:10:35Jay Shetty?

  So to me, intention is just coming from a place of how do I leave every person just a little bit happier than I found them? I don't have to change their life.

• 1:10:42Lewis Howes?

  Right. Try not to hurt them.

• 1:10:44Jay Shetty?

  Try not to hurt them.

• 1:10:45Lewis Howes?

  With everything that's been happening in the world right now, I'm hearing a lot of people say that intention isn't enough. Like having a positive, you had a, I had a good intention to like say the right thing, but it offended someone and it impacted them in a negative way.

• 1:10:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:00Lewis Howes?

  So how do people understand that? That it's, it's about intention, but it's also you might hurt people, you might offend people, even if you weren't intending to. How do we shift that in our minds and our actions?

• 1:11:13Lewis Howes?

  To sync up our intentions to actually impacting people in a positive way?

• 1:11:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:16Lewis Howes?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:11:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, it really makes so much sense.

• 1:11:21Jay Shetty?

  A real deep intention means that you will care and do the research and study. And often we have a good intention, but it's not the deepest, greatest intention. So we try and wing it.

• 1:11:36Lewis Howes?

  It's based on our beliefs.

• 1:11:37Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 1:11:38Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to doing the research of other things.

• 1:11:40Jay Shetty?

  Correct. And so really good intentions are, make you ask questions and make you care and make you compassionate. And sometimes that doesn't mean saying a lot. Sometimes that means listening, learning, receiving, understanding. And I think when we are trying to show our good intentions, we say a lot and it may be taken the wrong way.

• 1:12:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:01Jay Shetty?

  But when we really want to be our good intentions, we're just listening and, and learning and asking good questions. And, and you do that really well, like, you know, whenever, even if we're, you're this person, even if we're on a dinner, like, Lewis will ask this many questions, even if we're having dinner.

• 1:12:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:17Jay Shetty?

  And we'll go back and forth and I'll ask questions and, but you, you're a really curious and inquisitive person in a, in a positive sense. And that's why people always feel very comfortable around you to open up and share because they feel that you're really listening.

• 1:12:31Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:12:31Jay Shetty?

  And so I think that's a big part of it is that. Uh, when, when we're doing that, the second part is even if you do all of that, there will be people that get offended.

• 1:12:38Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:12:39Jay Shetty?

  So even if you master the way of communicating and you really care and you do the research, there'll be people that get offended. And what you have to realize is that there are just so many more triggers right now.

• 1:12:51Lewis Howes?

  So many.

• 1:12:51Jay Shetty?

  To everyone's lives and there are deep triggers there too. There's historic triggers. There's, there's so much going on that you can't make it about you. And I think sometimes we're like, oh, how did they get offended me? I, I tried so hard, but it's like, don't make it about you because there's so many more things at play here. There's so much more going on. So again, we try and reflect it because we want to be liked or considered to be supportive.

• 1:13:14Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:13:15Jay Shetty?

  But we're not realizing there's just so much more at play here.

• 1:13:18Lewis Howes?

  So much.

• 1:13:18Jay Shetty?

  And so as long as you did your part and you tried and you acted, then that's great, but.

• 1:13:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, this is something, you know, we talked about this a couple of nights ago at your, at your place, talking about detaching yourself, like being unattached to how other people react to you and respond to you because it's very hard at times if you're attached to the result of other people's opinions to let it affect you. I'm one to blame for that as well.

• 1:13:43Jay Shetty?

  Me too.

• 1:13:43Lewis Howes?

  When someone, when I feel like people are coming at me, I'm like, oh, like chill out. I'm not trying to hurt anyone here. Right? And we, the, one of the greatest things we can learn is to be unattached. That's what I've learned from you. So many other great people is like, don't be attached to people hating on you or the triggers because then you'll be staying in a suffering state.

• 1:14:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:03Lewis Howes?

  Like you've got to be unattached. It's not easy.

• 1:14:05Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 1:14:05Lewis Howes?

  We're all human beings.

• 1:14:06Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:14:07Lewis Howes?

  But that's something, I want to talk about that the next time.

• 1:14:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:14:10Lewis Howes?

  That's something we could do like a whole masterclass on, uh, but I want to ask you a couple of fun of questions. Your whole podcast is about on purpose. What's the difference between discovering your purpose, finding your purpose, living it and living a purposeful life?

• 1:14:25Jay Shetty?

  I think that living your purpose is where it's so much about you and your journey and living a purposeful life.

• 1:14:36Jay Shetty?

  Is when you're now letting that overflow into everyone else's life. So it's like you want to find your purpose and you want to feel satisfied in that. But a purposeful life is where you are igniting other people's purposes and it's overflowing.

• 1:14:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:52Jay Shetty?

  With that love and that compassion and gratitude and that's hard because it takes time. And you can't expect people to do that while they're still filling up too. And, and I think sometimes we, you know, everyone will always look like they're finished and they're done and they made it. You know, it's like, no one's ever made it. And you speak to some of the most successful people in the world and even they don't feel they've made it. And so we are always doing both at the same time. You're always filling up your purpose and you're always trying to be purposeful at the same time, but you're not ever going to be fully in purpose and you're never fully going to be purposeful. It's all a symbiotic relationship that has to happen in parallel.

• 1:15:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:29Jay Shetty?

  Does that make sense to your question?

• 1:15:30Lewis Howes?

  Makes sense to me. I've got so many other questions I want to ask, but I want to be mindful of time. You've got a book out right now that is called Think Like A Monk. I've read this book. It's amazing. I want everyone to go get it. Go pick it up. Tag Jay when you pick it up. Tag me. Let us know that you got it. Let me know the insights that you found are helpful for me. I'm telling you, you will read this thing over and over again. It's really powerful. If you enjoyed this, you will love that. So that's action one, number one, I want people to go buy your book right now. Buy it for a friend, family member. The subtitle is Train Your Mind For Peace And Purpose Every Day. So if you feel out of purpose, out of peace, this will support you with amazing tools, science, research, everything. It's unbelievable. That's action number one. Action number two, go check out Jay's podcast, On Purpose,

• 1:16:15Lewis Howes?

  and subscribe over on Apple, Spotify, and also listen to the episode that I just did on your show. Cause most people don't get to hear me on my show that much because I'm interviewing, but I feel like I probably did the best interview with you.

• 1:16:26Jay Shetty?

  You were in flow. I have to say, you were in flow. I was just sitting there listening and absorbing. Everyone's gonna love that episode, man. And it's, you were just, you were so open, so vulnerable, but you had some great insights that people could really practice. And yeah, I definitely want you to check it out. Yeah.

• 1:16:43Lewis Howes?

  So go check out Jay's podcast, check out that episode. Let me know what you think. And there's two other episodes that we have here from Jay in the past that are amazing. He's got his three truths. If you want to go listen to that, his definition of greatness. So go check out those. You can see the end of those as well. And I appreciate you, man. You're just, you're always got so much wisdom, so much love, so much. Just like peace, you bring peace to every space you go into.

• 1:17:09Jay Shetty?

  Thank you, Ed.

• 1:17:10Lewis Howes?

  And so I'm just so grateful for our friendship and for your time today. And I feel like we could go on for like masterclass. Like every page, I'm like, this is a masterclass.

• 1:17:17Jay Shetty?

  Well, we do when we're together.

• 1:17:18Lewis Howes?

  I know. We should start recording these things.

• 1:17:20Jay Shetty?

  We spoke the other night for like four hours.

• 1:17:22Lewis Howes?

  Three, four hours?

• 1:17:23Jay Shetty?

  And that's normal, like that's normal for us. So, but that's what's so special about that. For me, that's the, it's those special parts of the friendship that make this more fun.

• 1:17:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:32Jay Shetty?

  Make that more fun. It's like having private and public relationships are so beautiful to have both.

• 1:17:39Lewis Howes?

  You know what's funny is I feel like I never run out of questions to ask you or myself when we're hanging out. It's like we're always finding new things to talk about.

• 1:17:48Jay Shetty?

  Totally, always. Yeah, we never get bored.

• 1:17:50Lewis Howes?

  We're always like talking about thoughts and beliefs and ideas and like,

• 1:17:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:54Lewis Howes?

  how to make the world better and how do we impact more people.

• 1:17:57Jay Shetty?

  How do we improve, what growth areas we have to.

• 1:17:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, where, what are we missing in our lives, like?

• 1:18:02Jay Shetty?

  But you do that, you have that energy, like that's what I mean that Lewis on the podcast and Lewis behind the scenes, you're the same person, you're inquisitive, curious, always wanting to know. It's like we talk a lot about curiosity and asking questions, but I don't think we all do it enough in our daily lives, you know, so.

• 1:18:16Lewis Howes?

  It really enriches relationships when you have a curious mind. Even with your with a partner, if you can continue to ask them interesting questions, different questions, it's going to make you look at them in a different way and the relationship's going to continue to grow and evolve.

• 1:18:29Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:18:30Lewis Howes?

  And that's what I love about your relationship with, with your wife, Roddy, about how you guys really practice meditation in the mornings together for a couple of hours. And you have that space and time to think and allow for questions to come and go.

• 1:18:42Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:18:42Lewis Howes?

  And you can interact and experience life together in a beautiful way. Of course, you have your ups and downs, but it's like, if there's something I took away from this is give yourself a minimum of 20 minutes a day to allow for questions and answers to come to you.

• 1:18:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:55Lewis Howes?

  To the problems you have in your life.

• 1:18:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:58Lewis Howes?

  Ask questions to shift beliefs and see what works for you. Make sure you spot, stop, and swap thoughts to support you and serve other people. Make sure you use actions that have positive habits to them. Make sure your intentions are not to hurt people and always question your beliefs. And then ask these three questions every day. How can I be of service today? What can I love about myself? And what do I want to be that I can love? And if you do those things, you're gonna start living a better life.

• 1:19:29Jay Shetty?

  For sure.

• 1:19:29Lewis Howes?

  Jay, my man, I love you, brother. Appreciate you.

• 1:19:31Jay Shetty?

  Love this school of greatness, man.

• 1:19:32Lewis Howes?

  Appreciate you, man.

• 1:19:33Jay Shetty?

  Thank you, brother.

• 1:19:33Lewis Howes?

  Make sure you guys get the book. Check out his podcast and we'll have you back on soon, man.

• 1:19:38Jay Shetty?

  Amazing. Thank you, man. This is awesome.

• 1:19:40Lewis Howes?

  Thank you so much for listening to this episode, my friend. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please make sure to share it. You always can have the opportunity to impact someone's life. And that's what we're all about here is changing lives. So just copy and paste the link and text a couple of friends. Post it on social media. Make sure to tag me, @lewishouse and Jay Shetty over on Instagram. So we can stay connected and see who is listening and if this impacted you in a big way. And make sure to check out my friend's book. Jay Shetty's book is out right now and I'm telling you, this book is going to be a massive resource for you for many years to come. I've gone through it a few times and it's really inspiring, super powerful, insightful. So go pick up a couple of copies of his book as well.

• 1:20:22Lewis Howes?

  And if you want weekly inspiration from me, then text the word PODCAST to 614-350-3960. And I want to leave you with this quote from Saint Francis de Sales, who said, "Where there is peace and meditation, there is neither anxiety nor doubt." Find time today and every day to create peace, to create silence in your mind and build joy in your heart. And if no one has told you today, you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. I'm so grateful for you and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.