MBMBaM 737: Face 2 Face: Amble Down to Dumpster Party

This week’s episode is live from Tyson’s Corner, where we won the first trophies of our entire lives and our dad wasn’t even there to see it . . . so please tell him what good boys we are. Please also invite him to the dumpster party, ask him to install an emotional support Squatty Potty, and plant some very tall vegetables, if he has the time. Suggested talking points: The Peeper will Keep us Safe, Extreme Slobster Close-Up, 18-Year-Old Baby Witch, Kelvin Kline, Plea For Shrek First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy Brothers are not experts.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  And their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:12Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome. My brother, my brother, me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  What's up, Trav Nation?

• 1:26Griffin McElroy?

  I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Doggo, Wolf, Wolf McElroy.

• 1:34Griffin McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation?

• 1:37Griffin McElroy?

  I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy.

• 1:48Travis McElroy?

  I had a question for you before we begin. They told us when we booked the shows that either Tyson's or Tyson's Corner of Virginia is acceptable, and I do not like that.

• 2:01Griffin McElroy?

  No fucking way, man.

• 2:03Travis McElroy?

  I don't like that. There's one that's right and one that's wrong. Please enlighten me as to which.

• 2:09Griffin McElroy?

  I prefer Tyson's.

• 2:10Travis McElroy?

  See, I worked in Percival, Virginia for two summers. Shout out Percival. And it was always Tyson's Corner to me. And I don't know about this slick Tyson's rebrand. Okay, so hi.

• 2:22Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna go with Ty Town.

• 2:23Travis McElroy?

  No, I don't. I think I'm gonna say, hello, Tyson's Corner. Thank you for having us in your beautiful town.

• 2:29Griffin McElroy?

  I

• 2:30Travis McElroy?

  I'm so excited you're all here in Trav Nation Embassy. Tonight for the next two hours, you all have diplomatic immunity.

• 2:38Griffin McElroy?

  Congratulations. I prefer the possessive Tyson's corner over just a random plural Tyson. We live in many Tysons.

• 2:51Travis McElroy?

  This is Tyson's corner.

• 2:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:53Travis McElroy?

  What are you doing standing here? This is Tyson's corner, man. If he sees you. We should mention. Our trophies? This has never happened before. We won something. To us. The fine folks here at the Capital One Hall brought us these little trophies that have our name on them and it says "sold out" on it. And

• 3:18Travis McElroy?

  that has, that has nothing to do with us and everything to do with you. So it's kind of all of our trophies, we will be.

• 3:24Griffin McElroy?

  No fucking way, man. This is my first goddamn trophy.

• 3:28Travis McElroy?

  It is nice because they put the date on there too. So it's nice to pinpoint when I sold out.

• 3:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:34Travis McElroy?

  It's really nice that we can look back on it and be like, when did Travis? Oh, it was the 23rd of June, 2024. Yeah, man, he went totally capitalistic at that point at Capital One.

• 3:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:45Travis McElroy?

  It worked out. It's just I never thought I'd get a trophy again, you know?

• 3:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:51Travis McElroy?

  After I was 14? When you were a scorekeeper for the basketball team? Yeah, that was probably my last main trophy. And it's just nice to get a trophy again.

• 4:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:01Travis McElroy?

  Well, you have kids now and any trophy they win is kind of yours too. My kid, they haven't won any trophies either. Not a big.

• 4:09Griffin McElroy?

  Well, one day they'll start a podcast that'll sell out a big crowd and get a special trophy for it. My only regret is that this is the first tour maybe ever that dad hasn't tagged along for and he doesn't get to see his three sons win their first three trophies ever.

• 4:25Travis McElroy?

  So you all need to take a picture of us with the trophy, post it for our dad. We'll give you our, we'll put our dad's phone number up on the screen. If you would all text photos of us to our dad at various angles.

• 4:39Travis McElroy?

  To prove it's not photoshopped. Try, try to ransom us to our dad, see how it goes. I would love to know. I'd like to know how much more work's to dad. What's the figure to dad? What's the going rate? I mean, after these trophies, man, we're gonna be sitting pretty. Um, maybe if everyone could take a picture of us with the trophies and then post it on social media with a caption like, "They did it." Yeah. And then it's like, if you're not looking too close, you'd be like, "Damn, I don't know what it was, but it looks pretty good." I mean, I guess they won the big podcast they wore. Is that a Grammy? Is that the podcasting Grammy? Did they get the first podcasting Grammy? Uh, as you've certainly guessed, this isn't a device show. Uh, and we're going to take your questions and turn them alchemy-like into wisdom for your edutainment right now, before your very eyes.

• 5:23Travis McElroy?

  Uh, "I live in Colonial Williamsburg in a small apartment complex. Heck of, heck of a Great Wolf Lodge there." Yeah. "Is that where you live?" question asker, "Do you live at the Great Wolf Lodge?" Because, nice. Nice. A couple of- That's some sweet life of Zack and Cody shit. "A couple of months ago, people started gathering at night outside one of the dumpsters. The small gathering has since evolved with people bringing chairs, then a grill, now there's a whole TV setup in someone's trunk. Brothers, how do I get invited to the dumpster party?

• 5:56Travis McElroy?

  This happens almost every night, and I'm so curious what their deal is, but I don't want to seem like a narc." That's from Nosy Neighbor in Colonial Williamsburg. Are you here? All right. Nice. You're so high up. Yeah. I'd invite you to the dumpster party. Yeah. Is it possible, and I hadn't considered this possibility before, but it did start as something illicit. And then they were like, "You know, as long as we're here." Yeah, this is a chill spot. "Let's get to know each other." Yeah. "You guys wanna watch Suits?" People, people started bringing their kids and they're like, "I don't know about this scene anymore, man. The dumpster party used to be about something." Used to be a happening. You know, no one has ever sent out like, an e-vite to a dumpster party.

• 6:41Travis McElroy?

  Right. No one has ever, there's ever been a knock at the door and the butler has lifted up a silver tray to say, My lord, my lord, it's finally happened. The social event of the year.

• 6:55Griffin McElroy?

  I also don't think you can be uninvited from a dumpster party.

• 6:58Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 6:59Griffin McElroy?

  Who's gonna kick you out? It's a dumpster. You don't own this, probably.

• 7:04Travis McElroy?

  Maybe you do. Now, what if you showed up in a raccoon costume?

• 7:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 7:10Travis McElroy?

  And then they're like, oh, they belong here.

• 7:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:13Travis McElroy?

  They were here first. This is their land.

• 7:15Griffin McElroy?

  And then even if you can't pull off a convincing raccoon act, you've got an interesting story. And they're gonna wanna know about it.

• 7:23Travis McElroy?

  Uh, if you do amble down to the dumpster party, I would set aside a little time, just private time beforehand, where you can write down a list of things that you are and are not okay with happening at the dumpster party. Because you need, you can't do any math then, right? You need a very clear, very long and detailed list of like, oh, oh, okay, that's my, oh, okay, I'm going. You're passing what around? Oh, look at the time. Everybody starts pulling on ski masks. You're like, oh, time to go. Would I like to buy a, no, huh? I have to go. This has been so cool, but um, if I was a police, I would try to make you tell me more, right? We all agree about that? I'm not doing that. I'm just going.

• 8:08Travis McElroy?

  I'll be back at the next dumpster party until this happens again. And then I'll go. Just go on down there. Or, you know.

• 8:18Griffin McElroy?

  Don't do that.

• 8:20Travis McElroy?

  Don't.

• 8:21Griffin McElroy?

  You can't ju, when someone comes to us with such a finely crafted question like this, Travis, you can't just sweep the legs out from under it and say, just go to the dumpster party. What if they don't know anybody at the dumpster party?

• 8:32Travis McElroy?

  Then you get to know them, or you show up and say, oh, sorry, I thought this was a different dumpster party. Well, as long as I'm here.

• 8:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:40Travis McElroy?

  Have you considered the possibility that you are already at the dumpster party? Know that up there, that's the peeper.

• 8:52Travis McElroy?

  They're a part of this community just like us, but the way they chose to interact with the party is looking at us from time to time. We don't know much about them, but we like to believe they keep us safe somehow. They're watching for storms. They'll let us know if a storm's coming in. If you come downstairs, they may be like, "Oh no, what omen? What portents has brought you down here, people?" What have you seen? You were on the wall. Are they coming?

• 9:18Travis McElroy?

  Keep us safe, people. I have two children. Brag. Ages six and four. It's not me. It's the question I asked. Oh, okay. Who would like to learn to ride bikes? The problem is neither I nor my husband knows how to ride a bike. Brothers, how do I teach my children to ride bikes when I don't know how to do it myself? That's from Bi-Pedal in Baltimore.

• 9:40Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here?

• 9:41Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Now, wait. How many of you are there?

• 9:45Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, I'll fucking do it, man. No problem.

• 9:51Travis McElroy?

  You'll, you'll teach them or teach their children?

• 9:54Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, either or, man. Whatever. I'll do all for you in one. I'll give you a group rate.

• 10:00Travis McElroy?

  That's a good deal.

• 10:01Griffin McElroy?

  That's a pretty, I didn't even say what my rates are, but thank you, Travis.

• 10:05Travis McElroy?

  I like to hype up your business ventures?

• 10:07Griffin McElroy?

  It's $1,500, but you only have to do it the one time, and I'm-

• 10:11Travis McElroy?

  That actually doesn't make it better, Griffin. $1,500 for one session, no follow-up?

• 10:16Griffin McElroy?

  You're not paying me for the one session of bike riding. You're paying me for the 30 years of bike riding aid training that I've given out to people.

• 10:22Travis McElroy?

  How many other people have you trained to ride a bike?

• 10:25Griffin McElroy?

  Including my kids?

• 10:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:26Griffin McElroy?

  Zero.

• 10:30Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 10:32Travis McElroy?

  But you got one, you got one in the tank, huh?

• 10:34Griffin McElroy?

  I've got it all pinned up. I've got this beautiful moment pinned up inside of me. I don't want my first time teaching people to ride a bike to be my kids. I'm not gonna do a very good job at that.

• 10:44Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. You wanna dry run with other people's kids?

• 10:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I wanna dry run.

• 10:47Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna use these kids as training wheels?

• 10:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yes. That makes perfect, yeah. That makes perfect sense.

• 10:53Travis McElroy?

  You know, one of the main things about learning to ride a bike is you should never look behind you. And I think that you could use that to your advantage. If you had another adult to step in for you.

• 11:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:05Travis McElroy?

  And you just encourage the child, do not look back.

• 11:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:08Travis McElroy?

  Do not look back. I will be holding you and supporting you the whole way with all the different bike riding advice. And I might sound a little different than they used to. That's just fear.

• 11:15Griffin McElroy?

  I might sound a little bit like extreme sports athlete Travis Pastrana, but don't worry about it.

• 11:20Travis McElroy?

  I'm not.

• 11:21Griffin McElroy?

  I'm right there. You might see me taking video from the side. That's just a swamp gas thing. Don't worry about it. That's a weather balloon, son. That's not me. You might see me through the window watching suits.

• 11:37Travis McElroy?

  You could, you could, it would be a pretty great lesson about life if you taught your child to ride a bike. And then at the end, you're like, okay, now me.

• 11:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know. I had no clue. The whole time I had no clue. I'm so glad you figured it out. I was making all that up. Pedal harder? What was I talking about?

• 11:57Travis McElroy?

  I don't know, man.

• 11:58Griffin McElroy?

  I, I don't know how bikes work.

• 11:59Travis McElroy?

  The whole time. I was sure you were gonna fall.

• 12:02Griffin McElroy?

  I could just see me with a YouTube tutorial open on my phone with my child there like, there's no fucking way.

• 12:09Travis McElroy?

  They put a towel under their arms? That can't be right?

• 12:11Griffin McElroy?

  No way.

• 12:12Travis McElroy?

  Have you seen that? Instead of hunching over and holding, they just put like a big beach towel around and they hold it.

• 12:18Griffin McElroy?

  Ah, to catch all the pit sweat that the kids make.

• 12:21Travis McElroy?

  I, I saw a video and they were like, here it is. Parents, the easiest way, two minutes, your kid will be riding a bike. And they're like, start at the top of a hill. And it's like,

• 12:33Travis McElroy?

  okay, all right. So I told my kids like, good news, kids, I got this problem solved. They were like, we won't be participating in this particular version of this. Like, you're gonna need to take it back to the drawing board, dad.

• 12:45Griffin McElroy?

  There is, there is in this, in this modern era, almost always at least two schools of thought for every major parenting choice you can make. And one is very thoughtfully considered over generations and generations of human beings taking care of other human beings. And the other one is just do it fast and hard and bad.

• 13:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:05Griffin McElroy?

  And it's done. Hard, fast, bad, done. That's the secret.

• 13:08Travis McElroy?

  You know, there had to be a time. Way, way back, millions of years ago. When the first, like, parent bird had baby birds in their nest and said, "Well, how am I gonna teach them to fly?"

• 13:20Griffin McElroy?

  Exactly.

• 13:20Travis McElroy?

  "I know, boot!" Just right out there. "I can't teach them in steps." "Oh, I know, I'll just shove them out the nest." "Be like that bird."

• 13:29Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 13:29Travis McElroy?

  "Rip it off."

• 13:30Griffin McElroy?

  That's beautiful, Travis. Definitely espouse that onstage with a stage that I am also on with you and everyone can see both of us at the same time.

• 13:38Travis McElroy?

  And also, I'm dressed like Toad.

• 13:42Travis McElroy?

  That was you.

• 13:42Griffin McElroy?

  That kicks ass, man.

• 13:43Travis McElroy?

  I was pretending to be you, like, not...

• 13:45Griffin McElroy?

  Um, hey...

• 13:45Travis McElroy?

  Wait, hold on, real quick. Question asker. Wow. You've seemed to have lived into an adult life without ever learning to ride a bike. Maybe convince them they don't need it. That's... I struggle with that a lot, cuz my kids will get frustrated and they're like, "Is this important?" And then they're like, looking in the garage for my bike, like, "Pfft." "Not gonna find it, kids, it's not there, I don't have one." You won a trophy and I've never ridden a bike. Yeah.

• 14:07Griffin McElroy?

  If I'm being honest to a kid, I would say it's maybe once every couple of years, it's gonna be extremely important. When all of your friends are like, "Bike time!" And you're like, "Fuck." But the rest of the time, you can have diarrhea or whatever on the day and you don't have to sweat it. That was sort of my MO.

• 14:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:29Griffin McElroy?

  I have a perfectly functional gastrointestinal system. It's just sometimes I'm inconvenienced by things I never really learned how to do.

• 14:37Travis McElroy?

  Wow, you never learned how to do a lot of things.

• 14:42Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no. The house of cards I've built around myself.

• 14:45Travis McElroy?

  I have been in various drum lines throughout the years and have marched world-class to make it to finals in indoor drum line. I'm a cymbal player and I always get excited to tell people about the things that I've done. However, when I mention cymbals, they just clap their hands together and say, "Like this?"

• 15:03Travis McElroy?

  But it's a lot more skill-based and complex than that. "How do I convince people that my instrument is cool?" That's from Cool Cymbal Crasher from Charlottesville.

• 15:10Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? Okay, great.

• 15:14Griffin McElroy?

  Obviously, there's more to it than just this.

• 15:17Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 15:18Griffin McElroy?

  Sometimes you gotta hit 'em with a one of those.

• 15:21Travis McElroy?

  Or maybe you kinda wiggle 'em gently together, so it makes like a, like, slow build? So that is called the shimmer, and that happens without them. It's, they're already shaking, they're trying to control it with everything in them to stop the shimmer. Cause the symbols are drawn together naturally, like magnets. They're both magnetic. A lot of the work is holding it apart. Yeah. I see. Well, well, there's the rubber, the rubber.

• 15:44Griffin McElroy?

  The rubber is huge, man.

• 15:45Travis McElroy?

  People love it, cause they know something's about to happen, right? When you hear 'em start to scrape together, it's like, here it goes. And in, in a marching band, it's not just part of the flash and pizzazz, you got a big mirror strapped to your hand, you can do one of these.

• 15:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:58Travis McElroy?

  Wave it around.

• 15:58Griffin McElroy?

  People love that. You could throw it like Kung Lao's hat at an opposing marching band.

• 16:03Travis McElroy?

  Would you say we've covered most of the stuff?

• 16:07Griffin McElroy?

  Would you be comfortable, I don't know if the microphone is out there, would you be comfortable telling us more about symbol, symbol playing? It's okay if the answer is no. Yeah, cool. Hi.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  Hi, brothers.

• 16:17Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 16:18Speaker 03

  My name is Reagan, my pronouns are she/her.

• 16:19Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Reagan.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, symbols, they're really heavy.

• 16:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:23Griffin McElroy?

  They're really heavy?

• 16:24Speaker 03

  They're really heavy.

• 16:25Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 16:25Travis McElroy?

  Wait, Reagan, sorry, Reagan?

• 16:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:28Travis McElroy?

  Is that what you wanted people to know about symbols?

• 16:31Speaker 03

  No.

• 16:32Travis McElroy?

  You get, you, we bring you up to the mic, we're like, tell us all about symbols, and you're like, they're heavy.

• 16:38Griffin McElroy?

  Paul had to run a quarter mile. Many Pauls died to bring us this information.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  Well, you also, you do these things called juggles, where you like, throw 'em up in the air.

• 16:48Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:48Speaker 03

  And you like, rotate 'em a couple times.

• 16:50Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  There's a lot of stuff that you do, you gotta make sure you catch 'em, cause if they fall in the pavement, they're gonna crack.

• 16:54Griffin McElroy?

  Do you throw 'em like a Kung Lao hat at an enemy marching band ever?

• 16:57Travis McElroy?

  But you could.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  I pretended to, I pretended to use them as a guillotine a lot.

• 17:01Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 17:02Travis McElroy?

  That's cool. Reagan, let me ask you, if somebody's like, oh, just like that, and you could say like, no, they mean a lot more than that, and then someone's like, what do you mean, and you say, well, they're symbolic.

• 17:12Griffin McElroy?

  Shit, that's good.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  My friends have said that before, they've made that pun a lot.

• 17:16Travis McElroy?

  Damn it. Thanks, Reagan.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 17:20Griffin McElroy?

  You could also, oh, thank you, oh. I don't know if Travis was dismissing you with that thanks, Reagan. We have so many questions, unless you wanna sit down, that's fine, it's up to you.

• 17:30Travis McElroy?

  I don't like standing either. I, I don't get why people... Why people wouldn't think that's cool. It's the thing that, when you say like, here's a marching band, right? It's, I think it's the thing people most look forward to that are marching. That, and when the, uh, drum major throws their shiny stick in the air and catches it. Like, those are the two best things. And when it makes shapes.

• 17:49Griffin McElroy?

  Sometimes the marching band makes the shape of a Pac-Man and it moves around like Pac-Man and that's super goodie.

• 17:53Travis McElroy?

  Or a pizza. Shh, everybody loves it.

• 17:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 03

  I should let you guys know, my college marching band once made sans Undertails.

• 18:00Griffin McElroy?

  That's fucking incredible, absolutely. I think that the cymbal, and I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, is the drop of marching band. And you should wear that as a badge of honor. And if anyone gives you a hard time, you say, "Interesting." And then 30 minutes later, when they're not paying attention, you get right up behind their ass.

• 18:22Griffin McElroy?

  And you give them a, a big one.

• 18:24Travis McElroy?

  And then when they wake back up, you say, "No, it's more like that."

• 18:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Do you have, is there a strict ethical code about not giving people a full smash when they're unawares? Is there like, cause I think that would be the first thing you learn is like, now listen, if I'm gonna teach you how to do a full smash, you cannot do it when someone's unawares. Yeah. Do you ever smash the cymbals so hard that you're like, "Man, I wish I was further away from this"?

• 18:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 18:50Travis McElroy?

  Is there a way to direct it out away from you, you gotta smash it, but in an angle? So all the sound goes forward and not back?

• 18:56Speaker 03

  I mean, it still hits you either way.

• 18:58Travis McElroy?

  Why do you do it?

• 18:59Speaker 03

  It's fun.

• 18:59Travis McElroy?

  That's so loud.

• 19:00Griffin McElroy?

  It's a lot of scary.

• 19:01Travis McElroy?

  It's heavy, it smashes you in the face when you do it. Try the trumpet, that all goes out. A lot lighter, too.

• 19:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:09Travis McElroy?

  And not, everyone thinks the trumpet's cool.

• 19:11Griffin McElroy?

  I am curious.

• 19:13Griffin McElroy?

  I am curious why, why, uh, why you, why you chose the cymbals? Or did perhaps the cymbals choose you?

• 19:19Speaker 03

  I, the cymbals chose me, it's a very long story.

• 19:21Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Yeah, we don't have to get into it. Thank you so much.

• 19:24Travis McElroy?

  Thanks, Reagan, I appreciate it. Thanks, Reagan, I appreciate it.

• 19:32Travis McElroy?

  Hey, listen, when someone's on your podcast and you ask them a question, they say it's a long story, I'm gonna take them at their word, okay? We got a fast-moving show. Yeah, Reagan can sell out a show here and tell the story if they want to.

• 19:43Griffin McElroy?

  Should we do another question?

• 19:44Travis McElroy?

  I am a 13-year-old boy who is 5'9" tall. I'm already taller than everyone else in my family, but I want to, like, really want to, hit 6 feet tall. Do you have any tips or advice for how to get at least 6 feet tall?

• 20:02Travis McElroy?

  That's from, that's from bonus inches in Bethesda. Are you here?

• 20:10Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, wait, are you here? Awesome, fuck yeah.

• 20:14Travis McElroy?

  Have you checked to see how much you've grown since you sent the question in?

• 20:18Griffin McElroy?

  It's, it was 2 days ago, okay, so I doubt it's that intense.

• 20:23Travis McElroy?

  Well, you've come to the right place, because we're 3 6 feet tall gentlemen.

• 20:28Travis McElroy?

  What was your secret, Travis? What were the vegetables? My secret? Tall vegetables.

• 20:33Griffin McElroy?

  That's true, man, celery.

• 20:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:36Griffin McElroy?

  That's the only tall vegetable that comes to mind.

• 20:39Travis McElroy?

  Asparagus.

• 20:40Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, for sure.

• 20:41Travis McElroy?

  Asparagus is a tall vegetable? I think rhubarb, if you cover it, it grows weird and tall? I'm not sure. The commercials say milk, where are we at on milk?

• 20:49Griffin McElroy?

  I think milk is still one of the favorites.

• 20:52Travis McElroy?

  But that can also, that just makes you denser. That's how I became 6 feet wide. Yeah. Would you, would you trade density for height?

• 21:01Griffin McElroy?

  Any day of the week, man. No fucking problem, absolutely.

• 21:07Travis McElroy?

  So the same amount of molecules in your bones, just taller?

• 21:10Griffin McElroy?

  There's some places in my house only I can get to, and that's cool. You know what I mean? If there could be even more places that were my own little secret goblin holes, I could squirrel away little butterscotches and sweets in them, and no one would be the wiser, that's great for me. I would love a few more inches.

• 21:30Travis McElroy?

  I don't, I'm...

• 21:36Griffin McElroy?

  It was you, there was one person who started laughing at that.

• 21:39Travis McElroy?

  And then it started, it was, it was a poor, it affect, infected everybody.

• 21:44Griffin McElroy?

  It was just a tragedy for me.

• 21:46Travis McElroy?

  Why was that, do you think, when Gervin said he could use a few more inches? I don't know what it was. What about that was funny? I'm, I'm, I'm five six and I used to be five seven. Yeah. And then I checked and it was five six. Yeah. So I'm five six and I don't, that doesn't bother me. I don't think of myself as a short, like little guy. It doesn't bother you that you lost an inch somewhere? No, everybody makes mistakes. The, the point is, the point is, I don't think it bothers me, but sometimes, sometimes I stand up on a little ledge. And yeah, I see, anybody ever stand up on a little ledge and have a moment where they're like, this? I could get used to this.

• 22:29Travis McElroy?

  I could get used to this. Four inches, a four inch ledge and I'm up there, I'm drunk on power.

• 22:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 22:36Travis McElroy?

  I'm, I'm speaking like this.

• 22:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, particularly thick sandals and I'm like, whoa.

• 22:43Travis McElroy?

  It's why cowboy boots exist.

• 22:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:45Travis McElroy?

  To make those people feel cool.

• 22:47Griffin McElroy?

  Cool and tall.

• 22:49Travis McElroy?

  That's why I wore them. They made me six foot five. You know about space travel, right? Cause that's the only definite option I know about. This also likes the rack. If you go to space, if you go to space, you come back taller for a while.

• 23:03Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 23:03Travis McElroy?

  So if you get to like five 11 and by the time you're adult, we're all going to space all the time, no big deal. Uh, you could get up there and maybe get that last inch.

• 23:12Griffin McElroy?

  So when you go in space, it push you apart is what you're suggesting?

• 23:16Travis McElroy?

  Well, only if you go in space when a big giant grabs your feet and spins around really fast and lets you go and you fly off into space.

• 23:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:23Travis McElroy?

  Then it stretches you out.

• 23:25Griffin McElroy?

  I think if you get near a black hole, you get pretty tall for a sec.

• 23:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. They say like when you wake up first thing in the morning, you're taller than by the end of the day, as everyone's sunk down. So just don't get out of bed.

• 23:37Griffin McElroy?

  That's huge, man.

• 23:38Travis McElroy?

  The more you lay down, the taller you'll get. That's science. Also bed sores.

• 23:45Griffin McElroy?

  Bed sores is another thing, but it's worth the trade off. Trust. So many little goblin holes. Oh, I'm so jealous.

• 23:52Travis McElroy?

  Not the bed sores.

• 23:53Griffin McElroy?

  Not the bed sores. No, I don't want those.

• 23:57Travis McElroy?

  I'm ready, Trev. Oh, okay. I have a little game.

• 24:04Travis McElroy?

  It's called Abimals Presents: Shirts, Pants, Both, or Neither?

• 24:10Travis McElroy?

  For any of you who don't know, Abimals is my own, uh, personal predilection. Uh, where I have a weird fascination with the cartoon animals, uh, from the 90s where it's animals but with abs.

• 24:22Griffin McElroy?

  They're like ripped animals.

• 24:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Sexy animals. So, this will be about animals from the TV show Street Sharks.

• 24:29Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 24:31Travis McElroy?

  Um, and I have tastefully censored the photos. And my brothers will have to guess if that character is wearing shirt, pants, both, or neither.

• 24:40Griffin McElroy?

  We're so bad at this game, y'all.

• 24:42Travis McElroy?

  It's really hard, harder than it should be, honestly. Okay, let's pull up that first image, Paul.

• 24:51Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so this is clearly Street Sharks.

• 24:54Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 24:54Griffin McElroy?

  Clearly.

• 24:55Travis McElroy?

  And this is Shrimp Louie.

• 24:56Griffin McElroy?

  Shrimp Louie?

• 24:57Travis McElroy?

  Shrimp Louie is a mutated shrimp and one of Dr. Luther Paradigm's later seviets. He's not very strong, he's quite the coward, and his primary weapons are big blaster guns. Why didn't the sewer sharks kill this guy day one?

• 25:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:12Travis McElroy?

  Pity? I guess, yeah.

• 25:14Griffin McElroy?

  They are sharks, though, they should, there's some natural instinct that should have killed this guy.

• 25:18Travis McElroy?

  It does look like this one is about to kill him.

• 25:20Griffin McElroy?

  That's true, it looks like he's actively being struck by a motorcycle.

• 25:24Travis McElroy?

  Here's what I think, here's what I think. Belt, bandolier, nothing else.

• 25:30Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa, holy shit, a bold, I guess it works for Chewie, man.

• 25:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 25:35Griffin McElroy?

  I think that this is some of your worst question mark doing today.

• 25:42Travis McElroy?

  What is the small sliver that you have left visible? That's one of his arms, bud.

• 25:47Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 25:47Travis McElroy?

  Okay, you're not good at that, that's not a skill you have. I'm not a designer by trade, I'm a comedian, an artist.

• 25:54Griffin McElroy?

  Justin is effectively saying neither with belt, his belt and bandolier guess. I feel like this shrimp, he's wearing long, extremely playful gloves, I'm gonna say both, pants and shirt.

• 26:06Travis McElroy?

  Okay, to be clear, I'm saying shirt, I just think it'll be...

• 26:09Griffin McElroy?

  A bandolier is a shirt in your...

• 26:10Travis McElroy?

  A thin with a belt, I said. Like it's upper gear, maybe it's a vest.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  How is a bandolier a shirt but a belt isn't pants?

• 26:16Travis McElroy?

  All I have to say is shirt. I'm not gonna go, I'm not gonna get DQ'd because I said, because you counted it as neither. I don't think it's naked. I think it would count as a shirt.

• 26:26Griffin McElroy?

  We always say this Juice, we always fucking get at each other's throats instantly.

• 26:30Travis McElroy?

  I know, that's what he wants!

• 26:31Griffin McElroy?

  We never get it right, because the animals are always so much more naked than we think they're gonna be.

• 26:36Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let's reveal. Show me Shrimp Louie. I mean...

• 26:49Travis McElroy?

  Now, what I love about this character design, Justin was right. Do I get two points? You get one point. Okay, that's fair, yeah. But he's got the bandoliers, something to strap on, but it seems to strap under his exoskeleton.

• 27:00Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 27:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it does kinda end at his shell, doesn't it?

• 27:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  And what is he demonstrating? And this is how I cower. Here's how I make love. And what's the middle hand for? I don't know.

• 27:14Griffin McElroy?

  Now, can I make an argument that the exoskeleton of this shrimp creature does count as a shirt and pants?

• 27:21Travis McElroy?

  Absolutely not.

• 27:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, fine.

• 27:23Travis McElroy?

  No, it goes into his raised eyebrows.

• 27:25Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, that's totally fair.

• 27:26Travis McElroy?

  That extend off of his face.

• 27:28Griffin McElroy?

  Just had to be sure.

• 27:29Travis McElroy?

  Okay, next image, paw.

• 27:32Griffin McElroy?

  Shit, man, are these all street sharks?

• 27:34Travis McElroy?

  All street sharks. This is Slobster. Okay. If Slobster is not wearing pants, they're doing an Austin Powers thing where the bike is hiding his wiener.

• 27:47Travis McElroy?

  Slobster is one of Dr. Paradigm's earlier experiments, along with Slash. He was created by injecting a, get this, lobster.

• 27:55Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 27:56Travis McElroy?

  With the DNA of villainous figures like Genghis Khan and Colonel Thomas Blood.

• 28:03Griffin McElroy?

  Give us two names again?

• 28:05Travis McElroy?

  Genghis Khan and Colonel Thomas Blood. I don't, I don't know that one. Becoming an anthropomorphic lobster that salivates constantly.

• 28:14Griffin McElroy?

  All right.

• 28:15Travis McElroy?

  Slobster.

• 28:16Griffin McElroy?

  Even better.

• 28:17Travis McElroy?

  And Slobster, can I describe his facial expression as, "Just go around already." Yeah, I know, just go around.

• 28:24Griffin McElroy?

  You're being incredibly graceful to Slobster with that. Can we get a close up on Slobster's face, Paul, just like an extreme Slobster close up? If he's not wearing pants, this cartoon should never have been on the air.

• 28:37Travis McElroy?

  And let me just tell you folks, if your friend looks like this after a party, don't let him drive home.

• 28:42Griffin McElroy?

  No fucking way, man.

• 28:44Travis McElroy?

  They're not safe to drive. I'm going pants, no shirt, pants, no shirt.

• 28:48Griffin McElroy?

  I'm going, man, I also think it's pants, no shirt. I'm also fully clothed. But the sewer shirts are so nude, guys, like.

• 28:57Travis McElroy?

  The sewer shirts are also, it appears, laughing at him divisively. They're having the time of their lives. Could he not find a bigger motorcycle and that's really funny to them?

• 29:07Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, you know what? He's not wearing a shirt, he's fully nude. This is a fully nude lobster man. Fully nude lobster.

• 29:12Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let's reveal Paul. Fully nude.

• 29:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yes!

• 29:17Griffin McElroy?

  And, yeah, wait, hold on, sorry, let me amend that. Yes, and also, no.

• 29:21Travis McElroy?

  No, Slobster, no.

• 29:23Griffin McElroy?

  Slobster, no, man.

• 29:24Travis McElroy?

  Okay, next to Paul.

• 29:27Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, I don't know what I'm looking at, my man.

• 29:30Travis McElroy?

  Give me at least an orientation here. That's Clamando.

• 29:35Griffin McElroy?

  That's Clemando. Wait, why does he have clothes inside of the shell?

• 29:40Travis McElroy?

  He extends up beyond the shell, Griffin, I don't know what to tell you. God, I hate this one the worst. This one sucks to think about. In an episode called Shark to the Future. Brilliant. An alternative future where Dr. Luther Paradigm has taken over the world, featured Clemando as one of the mutated creatures on Dr. Paradigm's side. His origin was later revealed. As a human, he was a dock worker.

• 30:04Griffin McElroy?

  He was, this thing used to be a-

• 30:06Travis McElroy?

  A human? Who worked for Malcolm Medusa the third.

• 30:12Travis McElroy?

  One day, he slipped from the dock and fell into the sea where someone had dumped barrels of toxic waste. Why they were dumped right next to a dock, or how no one knew about that is never explained. Alright, here's where I'm at. Wait, hold on. Okay. This dumping of toxic waste had a large grouping of oysters surrounding him. The waste fused the man's and the oyster's DNA together, turning him into the human oyster hybrid. This is terrifying, man.

• 30:38Griffin McElroy?

  It's so scary.

• 30:39Travis McElroy?

  You're telling me that can happen? Yeah. Yikes. And look, the guy next to him is like, this was my son. I have been looking at this the entire time it's been up, just trying to figure out what could be below.

• 30:54Griffin McElroy?

  What's the parts of the guy?

• 30:56Travis McElroy?

  What's below the shell?

• 30:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:00Travis McElroy?

  Cause I think about oyster.

• 31:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:02Travis McElroy?

  It's not usually anything down there. Well, he's also part man. Yeah, that's what scares me the most, Trav.

• 31:08Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, definitely, please, Christ, I've been so good lately, let there be pants on this.

• 31:16Travis McElroy?

  I would, from what I'm seeing here, I could, I don't even know if you could say conclusively about pants, unless they're like hiked way up.

• 31:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:25Travis McElroy?

  This could be like low rise.

• 31:26Griffin McElroy?

  Which is the cool look now, I don't know if people know that.

• 31:29Travis McElroy?

  And that, and it started with clamando.

• 31:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:31Travis McElroy?

  Clamando started that trend, high waisted pants.

• 31:32Griffin McElroy?

  I will say pants, no shirt.

• 31:33Travis McElroy?

  Shirt, no pants. Reveal.

• 31:37Travis McElroy?

  Yes!

• 31:38Griffin McElroy?

  Well, hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 31:39Travis McElroy?

  That's pants and shirt, pal. Mmm. Oh, now we're in it. We did establish a precedent with bandolier, didn't we? Damn it. Okay, now hold on, let's think through this. The shell is, the band, if that's a bandolier, it's not going all the way around his body.

• 31:59Griffin McElroy?

  It's a cool necklace.

• 32:01Travis McElroy?

  It's just sitting in the shell. I also would bet just he can't reach it.

• 32:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 32:04Travis McElroy?

  But there's no way. So is that his body? Wow, I don't like looking at this one anymore than I need to.

• 32:11Griffin McElroy?

  Do you think that that other guy is like, listen, if you're gonna party with the street sharks, you're gonna have to lose some of those clothes, muchacho.

• 32:20Travis McElroy?

  How about just half a shell, what do you say? Is the shell part of it, or? Okay, let's see that next one, Paul.

• 32:26Griffin McElroy?

  God, there's so many?

• 32:31Travis McElroy?

  This one's adorable. This one's El Sorto.

• 32:34Griffin McElroy?

  No Travis.

• 32:35Travis McElroy?

  It is.

• 32:36Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, what's his real name?

• 32:38Travis McElroy?

  El Sorto was a circus performer who worked with a large marlin named Spike. You know how circus performers do.

• 32:44Griffin McElroy?

  Work with?

• 32:45Travis McElroy?

  Worked with a large marlin named Spike. In Satellite Sharks, Spike was abducted and used by Doctor Paradigm, and his trainer sought them out in the desert. The two were eventually fused, it says in quotes, together, resulting in a combination of memories. But he is dominantly the human in action and personality. El Sorto helps the street sharks and man-to-man fight the Mecho Sharks.

• 33:11Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck yeah.

• 33:13Travis McElroy?

  El Sorto remains active in entertainment, having been on a naval ship in one episode where he was exercising his skills with double swords by slicing fruit in half while they're in midair.

• 33:25Griffin McElroy?

  How embarrassing for El Sorto that that's what his career turned in. Hey, what's up? Uh, thanks for your service. Just started hucking fruits up here. I'm gonna show you. You guys are gonna flip shit.

• 33:37Travis McElroy?

  I guess all you could say, I'm the real fruit ninja. Okay, let's go.

• 33:41Griffin McElroy?

  Let's go.

• 33:41Travis McElroy?

  Your kids are gonna love it.

• 33:42Griffin McElroy?

  Shirt, no pants. It's speak- El Sorto is speaking to me and he's saying, shirt, no pants.

• 33:48Travis McElroy?

  He's saying, kill me, please. Listen. Euphannation me, please. Drown me in vodka. I don't wanna lose it. I don't wanna lose the audience, but here's what I'm gonna say right now.

• 33:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:59Travis McElroy?

  I think we'd all be better off if Doctor Paradigm was killed.

• 34:04Travis McElroy?

  It seems like Doctor Paradigm has gotten away with a lot of crimes against us and sharks. In a later episode, spoiler, his DNA is fused with a piranhas. So he does get a little taste of his own medicine. Becomes a super piranha dude? Well, he doesn't change as much as El Sorto.

• 34:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. No, Travis was being literal. He takes his special piranha medicine. He tastes it and he's like, oh, interesting.

• 34:28Travis McElroy?

  What did you guess about this?

• 34:30Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shirt, no pants, all day.

• 34:31Travis McElroy?

  Oh, this is pants and a shirt. Reveal.

• 34:34Griffin McElroy?

  Shirt.

• 34:37Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck. Damn it.

• 34:39Travis McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:41Griffin McElroy?

  Man, they really spent a long time illustrating his bathing suit area.

• 34:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they really shaded the hell out of it, didn't they? They really worked hard at it. Harder than at the teeth. He doesn't have a shadow from his body, but he's got a shadow on his balls.

• 34:55Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 34:56Travis McElroy?

  Okay, we got one last one here. Okay.

• 34:59Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 35:00Travis McElroy?

  Travis, is that? Well, that's Kilamari. Kilamari is the third of Dr. Luther Paradine's evil seviets, created from a squid that was captured off the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. Slash and Kilamari despise each other, mostly because Slash made a snide remark about Kilamari's initial inability to talk, and that Kilamari is much more intelligent than Slash. Kilamari has the ability to project natural spears or harpoons from his mouth.

• 35:30Griffin McElroy?

  Fucking, I'm teen Kilamari alt. You're telling me I'm supposed to be rooting for the sharks?

• 35:35Travis McElroy?

  These projectiles drip with an extremely potent venom.

• 35:39Griffin McElroy?

  Hell, yeah, they do!

• 35:40Travis McElroy?

  I love that. Now, in his debut episode titled Lone Shark, he almost killed Jab, but Lena and Benz concocted an anti-venom which has since reduced his threat. Whatever. Bullshit. Nobody can resist his incredible toxin. Uh, I'm gonna say Kilamari is a big threat. You can't have a big believable threat when they're completely nude. I'm gonna say pants and shirt on Kilamari.

• 36:06Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry, Juice. Kilamari's looking at my soul right now with those deeply offset eyes, and he's telling me, "Griffin, there's nothing under here. My nudity is part of my power. Don't take this from me."

• 36:22Travis McElroy?

  I'm unashamed of what God and Dr. Paradine gave me.

• 36:25Griffin McElroy?

  Neither. This is a nude squid, and I love him so much.

• 36:29Travis McElroy?

  Let's reveal Paul. Barely pants. Barely pants, alright. Also, I don't know what's happening in the abdominal area.

• 36:38Griffin McElroy?

  No one.

• 36:40Travis McElroy?

  No one. Farewell for now.

• 36:42Griffin McElroy?

  Bye!

• 36:42Travis McElroy?

  Adieu.

• 36:54Travis McElroy?

  Hi, everybody. It's me, Travis McRoy, your middlest brother, and I'm here to tell you- Travis, how did you get in my office? Oh, Justin, I've always been in your office.

• 37:02Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Me too. I live in this-

• 37:04Travis McElroy?

  Whoa.

• 37:05Griffin McElroy?

  I live in this little bookshelf. I read all the Animorphs books you got every day.

• 37:10Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Justin, can we go back to you asking me how I got in your office and I'll tie it- How'd you get in my office? I flat stanley'd myself and mailed myself here with Stamps. Stamps.com? That's right, Justin. I had a big bulletin board fall over on me, flapped myself out- Yeah. And then I went to stamps.com, printed out postage, slapped it right on my forehead because I forgot to buy envelopes.

• 37:29Griffin McElroy?

  And I tried to blow him back up with a pump, which I know you're thinking, just blow him back up with a pump. I tried that. He was screaming like it hurts so much.

• 37:36Travis McElroy?

  Well, he just inflated one leg a lot-

• 37:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:39Travis McElroy?

  Is the problem. It just all went to one leg.

• 37:41Griffin McElroy?

  You know, the holidays are such a big hassle, but you can get ahead of it right now.

• 37:46Travis McElroy?

  And free- We were on this whole flat stanley thing, but no, do your holiday day. No, the ad is coming to an end. I can feel it in my bones.

• 37:53Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, it really feels like we just started. Are you sure?

• 37:55Travis McElroy?

  I know. The adventure is just beginning and a commercialism wears its ugly head again. Oh, man. Sign up with stamps.com and enter code MYBROTHER for a special offer that includes a four-week trial, plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. That's stamps.com code MYBROTHER. Like if you wanted to ship your brother a book on improv, look at how to do it or whatever. You could use stamps.com. I thought about it and you guys can keep doing your skit in the next ad if you want.

• 38:22Griffin McElroy?

  Well, it's funny, all this talk about flat stanley, because I was going over my finances the other day-

• 38:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:27Griffin McElroy?

  With Rocket Money, just going over some of the subscriptions that I may have forgotten about, and I had one for a subscription-

• 38:33Travis McElroy?

  Wait, you're managing them? More like guynances.

• 38:36Griffin McElroy?

  Um, okay.

• 38:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, little guynances.

• 38:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. But anyway, I was so like, I was-

• 38:43Travis McElroy?

  Justin, that was in the improv community, what we call instead of yes and that's, or my thing.

• 38:47Griffin McElroy?

  Or but. So yeah, so anyway, I was looking at my, uh, my guy-

• 38:51Travis McElroy?

  Is this part of it?

• 38:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, so I was, anyway, I was looking at my fucking finances and you know what I saw on my subscriptions list I forgot about was Thick Stanley. This is a special website for bigger-

• 39:02Travis McElroy?

  For discerning gentlemen.

• 39:03Griffin McElroy?

  Discerning gentlemen.

• 39:05Travis McElroy?

  For taste.

• 39:05Griffin McElroy?

  Who needs a Stanley with a little bit of meat on his belly.

• 39:09Travis McElroy?

  A more refined sensibility who likes a thick Stanley.

• 39:12Griffin McElroy?

  So I didn't get rid of that one with Rocket Money, but I did get rid of a lot of other ones with Rocket Money.

• 39:17Travis McElroy?

  He actually double subscribed to it.

• 39:19Griffin McElroy?

  I became a triple diamond-

• 39:20Travis McElroy?

  He wanted it on all his devices.

• 39:22Griffin McElroy?

  I got a triple diamond membership and two promo invite codes for Thick Stanley.

• 39:26Travis McElroy?

  He got into the Stan stance.

• 39:28Griffin McElroy?

  But I can help you get set up with Rocket Money for free, absolutely. It's a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Genuinely, I actually just did this, uh, three days ago and found, uh, no fewer than three different kids edutainment apps that, uh, I had subscribed to and forgotten about.

• 39:48Travis McElroy?

  I actually got a large transaction warning that I had forgotten about, so that, from Rocket Money. So that was nice, good reminder. I get updates weekly to say how, uh, my spending that week compared to my spending the week before, which is incredibly helpful.

• 39:59Griffin McElroy?

  I don't actually like that Rocket Money helps you guys the way they helps me. I thought we had a special, but then again, Rocket Money has over 5 million users.

• 40:05Travis McElroy?

  Oh, it's the end of the ad.

• 40:07Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, I was in the middle of the-

• 40:08Travis McElroy?

  I know, I'm sorry Griffin, but the timer- It's in yellow, Justin, we have to say it.

• 40:11Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry, guys, yeah, gotta go to the yellow part now.

• 40:13Travis McElroy?

  Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

• 40:21Griffin McElroy?

  Why wouldn't you want people to know that?

• 40:22Travis McElroy?

  Well, I'm trying to keep the secret to just us.

• 40:25Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I see. Oh, I got you. Anyway, cancel your unwanted subscriptions, not Thick Stanley, but the other ones by going to rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. That's rocketmoney.com slash mybrother. One last time, rocketmoney.com slash mybrother.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  Who's ready for some science?

• 40:41Speaker 03

  With sauces and nuance?

• 40:45Travis McElroy?

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 40:49Speaker 03

  And some funny jokes from me. Well, let's learn everything we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.

• 40:54Speaker 04

  From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  From quantum physics to the history of swearing. As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green. And some funny jokes from me.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Me, Caroline Roper.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  Dr. Ella Hopper. And Tom Lum.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  So join us next time where we will learn about... Everything!

• 41:16Speaker 03

  Hey, are you playing a video game right now?

• 41:19Speaker 05

  Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG. Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.

• 41:27Speaker 05

  I'm Jason Schreier. And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.

• 41:35Speaker 05

  Like driving, or cooking, or playing video games.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games.

• 41:43Speaker 05

  And breaking news out of the video game industry. And we also talk about other stuff besides games. So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click. Listen on MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

• 41:59Griffin McElroy?

  There's still not a great way to come back from using the toilet in front of a bunch of people and feel like great about it.

• 42:08Travis McElroy?

  I don't know, I'm pretty proud.

• 42:10Griffin McElroy?

  It's not like we're the Rolling Stones coming out for an encore. We pretty much told you, we have to go use the toilet.

• 42:17Travis McElroy?

  I went back there, Griffin, I pissed like nobody's watching, man.

• 42:20Griffin McElroy?

  Excellent.

• 42:21Travis McElroy?

  I really let it go.

• 42:22Griffin McElroy?

  I fucking hope nobody's watching you use the toilet, Travis.

• 42:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's the only way I do it. You never like to be like, somebody's watching? Nope, never. Like Jesus? Come on now. Uh, oh, breaking news.

• 42:41Travis McElroy?

  It's a Haunted Doll watch. Now, Paul, please do not reveal the image of the doll until I call for it, okay? Uh, let's meet our first contestant. It's Milvia. That's not a name! I'm gonna set up for you, Milvia, okay? Uh, and I'm gonna paint a word picture. I want you to fall along in your head, okay? Okay. Milvia, a highly powerful spirit, possesses the essence of a blood witch. Wielding formidable magic rooted in the ancient arts of blood sorcery. Her presence resonates with primal energy and deep mysticism, reflecting her profound connection to the forces of nature and the unseen realms. Fuck yeah!

• 43:22Travis McElroy?

  As a blood witch, Milvia harnesses the potent energies of blood to fuel her spells and rituals, drawing upon the life force within to manifest her intentions with extraordinary precision and potency. Her magic is ancient and primal, tapping into the primal forces of creation and transformation. I feel like we focused mostly on how Milvia is a witch and not that Milvia is also a ghost. Yeah, yeah. And can I also say, uh, how I love so much of that description? Could have ended, every sentence could have ended with, "or whatever." Or wha- Alright, let's see Milvia. That's not what I- So, okay. I think you may have overpromised a little bit.

• 44:05Travis McElroy?

  That is an off-the-rack, monster, high-action figure. That is, for the first time in Haunted Doll history, a toy has been listed that I would have to spend so much time actively stopping my children from playing with. Yeah, yeah. No, honey, there's a spirit in there! Yeah. No, it's a vessel! And her power extends beyond conventional witchcraft, delving into the realms of the occult and the esoteric. She's a master of divination. No, they're not overpromising. Listen, this doll for $22 is a master of divination. Is the guitar involved? Possessing the ability to peer into the depths of the unknown and unveil hidden truths and secrets. Milvia's energy is indeed fierce and unwavering, fueled by her deep commitment to protecting her keeper from harm.

• 44:49Travis McElroy?

  A powerful spirit of a blood witch, she possesses an innate sense of loyalty and guardianship. She's been promoted to Avenger at this point. No fair doll. I'm just gonna say, I'm not familiar with blood witch mythology. But if they're protectors and guardians. Gotta rebrand.

• 45:05Griffin McElroy?

  Gotta get a new name, y'all.

• 45:06Travis McElroy?

  Guys, you gotta rebrand.

• 45:07Griffin McElroy?

  I'm just happy to see a doll on this list where the listing is not like, this haunted doll is going to fuck you up.

• 45:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:14Griffin McElroy?

  Gonna ruin your life and make all your shit float around. Your dog's gonna start acting mad weird and you're not gonna know why.

• 45:24Griffin McElroy?

  This is a little.

• 45:25Travis McElroy?

  But don't get it twisted, she's nine inches tall. With the hat. Don't let it be confusing. She's nine inches tall. Next.

• 45:36Travis McElroy?

  Okay, from the same cellar. From the cellar that. From the cellar that brought you Melvia, meet Esme. This one's maybe the scariest of all. I have, this is just goes right into it. I've communicated with her using various forms of divination and giving her a reading. Esme is a baby witch. She was 18 years old when she passed away. Wait. She was born into a pagan family and though she's not given me a year, my reading suggests 17th century. And she was summoned to this vessel by witchcraft. Esme has been bound of her own free will. Well. Huh.

• 46:10Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, you can.

• 46:11Travis McElroy?

  Well, some people are into that. Heard.

• 46:13Griffin McElroy?

  You can spin off a bunch of occult bullshit here at, at the, in the description of this. I'm still kinda stuck on 18 year old baby witch.

• 46:23Travis McElroy?

  Esme specializes. Baby witch. You're 18 years old. Get a job, Esme.

• 46:29Griffin McElroy?

  Responsibility.

• 46:30Travis McElroy?

  She likes to recharge her energy in moonlight, surrounded by crystals. Her spirit activating the crystals around her, enhancing their powers and imbuing them with protective and healing properties. She's a great assistant if you practice crystal witchcraft. Can we see her, Paul?

• 46:47Travis McElroy?

  No. No. Now, this one is eight inches tall and it is the mom from the Berenstain Bears.

• 46:57Travis McElroy?

  An unmodded, factory-conditioned mom from the Berenstain Bears. Fresh off the factory line. Can I tell you what's wild? I didn't remember the mom from Berenstain Bears being a baby witch when I was a kid. She is safe. Stop showing us the butts of the dolls, eBay and Paul. This is where the ghost got in. She is safe in homes with children and pets. I'm not sure she'd be safe in home with pets. No, I don't think so either. That's a chew toy. That's a chew toy right there. Cool she could take selfies, though. She likes Esme. When Bay catches you. Esme likes offerings of lavender and the honey, eh, boo boo? Because also she's chafed her power and bonded her with her keeper.

• 47:41Travis McElroy?

  She does not take well to dark energies or loud noises. Or an environment that lacks. Or whiny kids. Where do you keep your Berenstain Bear mom toy? Outside where she likes it. And her name is Esme, thank you. Thank you so much. She's a crystal witch, last contestant. Conten- are they competing for our? I know who has my vote so far. Yeah, for sure. Let's hold off on that image for just a second, Paul, because it's very important. This captivating... Yeah, you just gotta show them, Paul.

• 48:17Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 48:20Travis McElroy?

  They're starting to play hardball with the people that collect witch stuff. They're starting to cover them where they live with pictures of cats playing with each other. What is that's levitating? But it's... This captivating frame, limited edition print by renowned artist Susan Van Camp, measuring 12 inches by 10 inches, depicts two majestic cats. Majestic is what we're call- oh. It says it depicts two majestic cats gazing out at the viewer, which is demonstrably untrue. Wait, which one? Wait, which one is it, though? Because that's two different pictures. Yeah, that's confusing, isn't it, Griffin? Because one is definitely a picture and one is a painting. And I think the picture's AI.

• 49:02Griffin McElroy?

  It's gotta be. Yeah, okay.

• 49:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, research into Susan Van Camp's work revealed a recurring theme of feline guardians and angels. Intriguingly, the print itself, number forty-nine out of five hundred, hints at a sense of duality.

• 49:17Griffin McElroy?

  How?

• 49:18Travis McElroy?

  Cause there's two of them.

• 49:20Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 49:21Travis McElroy?

  I think, right?

• 49:22Griffin McElroy?

  Well, cause there's a flash in there.

• 49:24Travis McElroy?

  Well, there's, well, there's two cats. And so there's a sense of duality.

• 49:28Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so it's, so it is. Wait, does it have wings in that one? It has wings!

• 49:32Travis McElroy?

  We believe this framed print has become a vessel for the spirits of two feline angels, Luna and Jasper. Now, hold on. That's right. Monstrably, one of them is an angel. They got, they graduated from cats to picture of cats. All dolls go to heaven, all cats go to pictures of cats. Luna and Jasper. Hey, man, sorry I died. Just wanted to come say bye one last time. Luna and Jasper.

• 49:58Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta need that good string, brother.

• 50:01Travis McElroy?

  They embody different, Luna and Jasper are a complementary pair, embodying different aspects of feline guardianship.

• 50:08Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 50:08Travis McElroy?

  So it's kind of the two different sides of that. Uh, new owners of this framed print might experience feelings of calm and security. I'm feeling calm just thinking about owning it.

• 50:17Griffin McElroy?

  Haunted or no, I feel calm and secure looking at this image.

• 50:20Travis McElroy?

  I'm also gonna say, I'm not an art curator. A lot of matting on that picture. That's like ninety percent matte. Uh, in closing, it says, "This framed, limited edition cat print is more than a beautiful piece of art. It's a conduit for the loving energy of two feline angels." So those are your haunted items for this week.

• 50:41Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Haunted Doll Watch.

• 50:42Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my god.

• 50:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, we are going to call some folks down to the microphone here. We've asked you for your questions in advance and we have chosen the ones we like so much. Uh, so if we call you down, uh, approach the microphone. If you want to tell us your name, your pronouns, if you'd like, and, uh, what your question is, and we will answer it live. Hello?

• 51:01Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 51:01Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, how's it going?

• 51:02Speaker 03

  I'm doing well, how are you?

• 51:03Griffin McElroy?

  Pretty kick ass, yeah, no complaints.

• 51:05Travis McElroy?

  What'd you have for dinner? No, we don't have to keep up the chin chat, it's fine.

• 51:09Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, who, what's your, what is your name? Hello?

• 51:12Speaker 03

  My name's Kate.

• 51:13Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Kate.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  Hi, nice to meet you.

• 51:14Griffin McElroy?

  Nice to meet you too.

• 51:15Travis McElroy?

  So polite, Kate. Have a question we can help you with, Kate?

• 51:18Speaker 03

  Yes, I did. So, I work for one of the largest environmental organizations in the world. But I don't like to go outside.

• 51:27Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  So, I need some advice on how to bond with my coworkers who are very outdoorsy people. And bird watching doesn't work because I hate birds.

• 51:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, okay, cool. Say, say no more. Is it possible they're outdoorsy people because they don't know TV exists? Have you told them about TV?

• 51:48Speaker 03

  I've tried. We like, are trying to fight climate change though, so maybe they don't want the electricity going up.

• 51:53Travis McElroy?

  TV doesn't do anything about climate. No, TV's fine. TV's fine, all the climate change. You're thinking about fossil fuels. Yeah. TV don't run on fossil fuels. No, no, no. TV runs on Young Sheldon. TV have, sorry, I know this gets confusing. TV have Young Sheldon and Amazing Race. Right. It doesn't do anything to the environment. TV is great and neutral. And we're all pretty much in agreement on that, yeah. Have you tried canoes?

• 52:20Speaker 03

  Canoes are usually outside, though.

• 52:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I know, I'm just looking for outside stuff you might like.

• 52:25Griffin McElroy?

  No, sorry, we are gonna suggest some outside stuff.

• 52:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:29Griffin McElroy?

  But please, take to heart, if we suggest outside stuff, you should probably take that with a tremendous amount of weight and power, because we are also not huge outside fans. So, anything we find out there that is the least bit worthwhile, if we bring it to your doorstep, I guarantee you, that's got the seal of approval right there.

• 52:48Travis McElroy?

  Now, Kate, this, it's made me think. When you say you don't like outside, to what degree? Because you had to go outside at least to get here.

• 52:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 52:58Travis McElroy?

  Right? So, you don't like it because it's strenuous. You just don't like to be in nature, right?

• 53:03Speaker 03

  I don't like bugs, for one.

• 53:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  I also don't like the sun. As you can tell, I'm very pale and Irish, so it's not good for me.

• 53:10Griffin McElroy?

  Then, I mean, you should have some carve-outs in your contract with this organization. You say, "I'm here to help the environment and global warming." I guess, not a huge sun fan, which I guess we're fighting the sun, so kick ass.

• 53:24Travis McElroy?

  And if all bugs kinda beef it, that's why.

• 53:26Griffin McElroy?

  If we could fight against bugs, is that okay?

• 53:29Travis McElroy?

  How many of them do we need, really? A lot of them, there's so many. You'd be shocked.

• 53:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:34Travis McElroy?

  Like, ten. Scientists say that there's millions and millions of bugs all over the earth.

• 53:40Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, that's millions with an M, pal.

• 53:43Travis McElroy?

  Two million bucks, Trav. That can't be true. There could be three to four bucks on you right now. Sorry.

• 53:50Griffin McElroy?

  So why'd you get this job?

• 53:53Travis McElroy?

  For the money.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, nonprofits make a lot of money.

• 53:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's where the cash is.

• 53:59Griffin McElroy?

  No, for real. You have, why, what is it about this job? What is it that attracted you to this, to this position?

• 54:05Speaker 03

  So I live near DC, of course, so I work on the policy side of things, which is more indoor environmentalism. But my colleagues, a lot of them work in the field, so I have a hard time bonding with them.

• 54:14Griffin McElroy?

  Right, I understand that.

• 54:16Travis McElroy?

  After you have saved outdoors, they're going to be happy that you're not hogging it. Yeah. You know what I mean? After the work is done and outdoors is safe for good, they'll be out there ultimate frisbee-ing or what have you, and they'll be like, there's, it's actually getting a little crowded. If you go back indoors now, that would be great for us. You know what? Outdoorsy people who do like extreme stuff and like rock climbing and everything, you know what they really like? Telling people about being outdoors and doing rock climbing stuff and everything. So you can just be receptive to that, and you can't one-up it. It's not like, "I climbed a rock," and you're like, "I climbed some stairs."

• 54:51Griffin McElroy?

  Well, you can, you can one-up it. Because you, when they tell you about all their cool outdoor stuff, you say, "Huh, well, they say, 'Take only memories, leave only footprints.' I'm not even doing that. I have no impact on nature.

• 55:07Travis McElroy?

  I've left the memories for you to scoop them up. The memories are still up there. Bring me back some memories. Bring me back some memories.

• 55:14Griffin McElroy?

  And where there is no footprints in the sand, that was me at home, watching Young Sheldon.

• 55:21Travis McElroy?

  Does that help?

• 55:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll just one-up them, tell them I'm a better environmentalist.

• 55:25Griffin McElroy?

  Absolutely, because you don't mess it. Fantastic.

• 55:27Travis McElroy?

  There you go. Fantastic.

• 55:28Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you. Thank you, Young Sheldon, too, if he made it.

• 55:32Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, if you're here.

• 55:33Griffin McElroy?

  He's always on the list.

• 55:34Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, bazinga, let's do it.

• 55:35Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 55:37Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  I'm Bonnie D.

• 55:38Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Bonnie.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Um, I have 12,000...

• 55:40Speaker 06

  12,000 Orbeez sitting in my classroom that I don't know what to do with.

• 55:44Travis McElroy?

  You sound like the villain in a kid's version of Speed.

• 55:49Travis McElroy?

  I have 12,000 Orbeez set to deploy in the New York City waters.

• 55:53Speaker 00

  Hey there, hotshot.

• 55:56Griffin McElroy?

  Um, you have 12-

• 55:57Travis McElroy?

  If you don't skip it in your Ohio right now, I'm gonna get out these Orbeez. Did I use any of those right?

• 56:03Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think so. What, okay, you have 12,000 Orbeez, uh, because of a class activity that left you with a bunch of orphaned Orbeez?

• 56:13Travis McElroy?

  I, if you don't know about Orbeez, by the way, they're tiny hard spheres that when they get wet are even worse.

• 56:20Travis McElroy?

  Right? Basically-

• 56:21Speaker 06

  Therein lies the problem.

• 56:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 06

  They were bought for a school-wide dance we had because for some reason I decided I would take on centerpieces.

• 56:29Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 56:29Speaker 06

  Um, and I've never used Orbeez before.

• 56:31Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 56:32Speaker 06

  So I bought like a pouch, you know, this big.

• 56:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:35Speaker 06

  Um, and somebody on staff said, "Go ahead, put them all in one of these big like six-quart tubs and fill it with water and they'll, they'll absorb right up."

• 56:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 56:44Speaker 06

  So they did, and I started making the centerpieces. And then I'd come in the next day and they were all over the floor. So I'd take some out and refill them to make it invisible and then I'd-

• 56:53Griffin McElroy?

  We've all learned that lesson at some point.

• 56:55Speaker 06

  Do it again.

• 56:55Griffin McElroy?

  Orbeez gets so big.

• 56:56Speaker 06

  And I'd come in and they're all over the floor. Mind you, I have outlets in the floor because I teach children's engineering, like everything's broken.

• 57:01Griffin McElroy?

  So not great.

• 57:02Speaker 06

  I can't have water on the floor.

• 57:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, or wet balls.

• 57:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, right, right.

• 57:07Travis McElroy?

  I've never used Orbeez before.

• 57:09Speaker 06

  Because they want to go in them all.

• 57:11Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, yes, not ideal.

• 57:12Travis McElroy?

  I've never used Orbeez before. Do they keep getting bigger over time?

• 57:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, and more fragile.

• 57:19Speaker 06

  They say they don't, but they do. They keep growing.

• 57:21Travis McElroy?

  And do they dry out? Do they what?

• 57:23Speaker 06

  Therein lies the problem.

• 57:24Travis McElroy?

  Oh, go on.

• 57:24Speaker 06

  This is why I need help, so-

• 57:26Griffin McElroy?

  You've said that more than once in your description of-

• 57:29Travis McElroy?

  It's like a nesting doll of problems.

• 57:31Griffin McElroy?

  I feel like there's many problems.

• 57:32Travis McElroy?

  Each problem is inside the next problem. Bonnie, I think the problem is you have 12,000 Orbeez.

• 57:37Griffin McElroy?

  We understand the problem. It's the gravity of the problem.

• 57:39Speaker 06

  I'm too anxious to put them in a trash can for the custodians to have to carry away.

• 57:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:44Griffin McElroy?

  Because what if they throw it in a wet dumpster and it destroys the school?

• 57:48Speaker 06

  What if the ball, like, what if the bag breaks and there's Orbeez everywhere, then the animals are gonna eat them?

• 57:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 57:55Speaker 06

  Because I tried the thing where I left them on the counter for a few days. They were filled on May 27th and my librarian texted me that they're still in my classroom full. They haven't gone anywhere.

• 58:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, I mean, you're gonna need-

• 58:04Travis McElroy?

  So they're not drying out?

• 58:06Speaker 06

  I tried drying them out in the classroom, but the kids kept punching the foil I'd put on top to go in them.

• 58:11Griffin McElroy?

  I think this would-

• 58:12Speaker 06

  So I put them outside.

• 58:14Griffin McElroy?

  I think this checks one of the boxes for like the sainthood test.

• 58:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 58:19Griffin McElroy?

  Like, I think that, I don't know what other miracles you may or may not have performed in your life. Also, I think that sainthood is only rewarded posthumously, so it's maybe a bit of a bummer to talk about. But remember this, that you made infinite Orbeez one time.

• 58:33Travis McElroy?

  When you're buried alive in Orbeez.

• 58:35Speaker 06

  I mean, at this point.

• 58:36Travis McElroy?

  Now, Bonnie, I've come up with just a foolproof solution of how you can not have to worry about these Orbeez anymore. But before I tell you, I do have to ask you, how much do you like your job?

• 58:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, I kinda enjoy that.

• 58:51Griffin McElroy?

  You kind of enjoy your job.

• 58:52Travis McElroy?

  Okay, well then you shouldn't just quit and leave the Orbeez there for someone else to deal with. Okay, cool, cool, cool.

• 58:57Speaker 06

  I sort of did that, which is why I got the text, because I left them outside to dry in the sun.

• 59:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 06

  The last week of school and then kind of forgot I put them outside.

• 59:05Griffin McElroy?

  Man.

• 59:06Speaker 06

  And it's, it worked, but then it rained and they reabsorbed.

• 59:09Griffin McElroy?

  Son of a gun.

• 59:10Travis McElroy?

  Damn it. Have we considered the possibility that Pennywise's big problem is that he doesn't have no Orbeez?

• 59:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 59:20Travis McElroy?

  And maybe, just maybe, if some kind-hearted soul dumped 12,000 of those motherfuckers right down there with Pennywise, he would either A, be killed. That's excellent. Hey, man, it's me Pennywise. What the fuck, dude? Like, I know, I get it. I'm Pennywise, I'm kind of a piece of shit. But this is a bridge too far.

• 59:43Griffin McElroy?

  My house is so wet, you guys- Nice.

• 59:47Travis McElroy?

  Not cool, bro.

• 59:48Griffin McElroy?

  Not cool at all.

• 59:49Travis McElroy?

  I guess what we're saying is use them to kill anyone.

• 59:52Griffin McElroy?

  Anyways. Does that help? Yeah. It helps us.

• 59:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, excellent, thank you.

• 59:57Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 59:58Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:00:02Griffin McElroy?

  Beautiful orb.

• 1:00:03Travis McElroy?

  The old orbies.

• 1:00:04Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, how's it going?

• 1:00:05Speaker 06

  Good. My name is Ariana. My pronouns are she/her.

• 1:00:09Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Ariana.

• 1:00:10Speaker 06

  And my question is, how do I sneak a squatty potty into the bathroom at my work?

• 1:00:18Griffin McElroy?

  I just, you may not be able to appreciate this just based on where you are in the room, but I distinctly heard one person over here say, "Yes."

• 1:00:26Travis McElroy?

  Yes. I heard it too. Yes. Raise your, can you just raise your hand real quick? We're not gonna call you out or anything.

• 1:00:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's fucking great.

• 1:00:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 1:00:33Griffin McElroy?

  Amazing.

• 1:00:34Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. How many people work at where you work?

• 1:00:37Speaker 06

  Uh, like eight or nine.

• 1:00:38Travis McElroy?

  Okay, well, not enough.

• 1:00:40Griffin McElroy?

  Damn, that's the perfect number to really flummox us, I feel like.

• 1:00:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's a tough one. Cause if it was like hundreds of people, anyone could have brought that squatty potty in.

• 1:00:49Griffin McElroy?

  Um, are you able to get in the office super duper early before anyone else gets in there?

• 1:00:54Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:00:55Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, okay, well, that's, that's not a very funny answer, though, is it?

• 1:00:58Travis McElroy?

  Wait, what if you went in and, okay, go in, put the squatty potty in, leave a note on it that says, "From home base, you all are doing a great job."

• 1:01:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:10Travis McElroy?

  Keep it up and keep this in place. Of course. We'll be checking. Don't ask any questions. There's another note underneath the person, okay? Don't ask any questions about it and don't touch it and don't be weird about it.

• 1:01:22Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, if you wanted it to be believable, you would leave a note that said, "Hey, this is home base. Y'all have been taking way too long in here. This little footstool, believe it or not, is really gonna help you blast off."

• 1:01:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you could prepare a PowerPoint for your boss, like, "I'm gonna, I'm gonna fucking crush efficiency and here's my one step plan. Boop, squatty potties, let's go."

• 1:01:46Travis McElroy?

  Just save you thirty dollars per enem. Now, what if you brought the squatty potty in?

• 1:01:52Griffin McElroy?

  Does everyone know what a squatty potty is? Because otherwise we

• 1:01:55Travis McElroy?

  Hold on, say it. I'm sure Paul's looking for a pickup.

• 1:01:58Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Paul. It's a little footstool. It helps you unkink your

• 1:02:01Travis McElroy?

  This is how God wants you to shit. Yeah. He wants you to squat and poop. That's what the commercial says. So this is how

• 1:02:09Griffin McElroy?

  And commercials can't lie.

• 1:02:10Travis McElroy?

  Commercials can't lie. They're on the TV. Why would they sell it if it didn't work?

• 1:02:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, thank you so much.

• 1:02:16Travis McElroy?

  Is it possible that you could sneak the squatty potty in, piece by piece?

• 1:02:20Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  That's actually what I was thinking.

• 1:02:23Travis McElroy?

  And I know it's all one big piece of plastic, but you're gonna cut it up a little bit and then hot glue it back together. And eventually, it will just always have been there.

• 1:02:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's my current working plan, if I can't make anything different.

• 1:02:35Travis McElroy?

  That's a bad idea. It will be instantly cleaned up right away. It makes it the most noticeable way of doing it. There's gonna be stories in the newspaper about it. Please don't do it like that.

• 1:02:50Griffin McElroy?

  That's how Andy Dufresne would do it, and it's not how a person should do it at the place that they work at.

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  I can promise that it would not get immediately cleaned up, though.

• 1:03:00Travis McElroy?

  Can you?

• 1:03:00Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, what do you mean?

• 1:03:02Travis McElroy?

  That's chilly. Do you work in a dirty filthy shit hole?

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  If I were to start building a squatty potty in the bathroom, piece by piece, they would just, people would leave it. Nobody would clean it up.

• 1:03:11Travis McElroy?

  So why are you worried about bringing one in at all? Sounds like nobody gives a shit, if you will.

• 1:03:17Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, I get it. Once you've done it once, it's like, yeah, that's right. Shoot, I've been doing it wrong this whole time. Ding dang it.

• 1:03:24Travis McElroy?

  Well, it does, how many, okay, I'm gonna ask, how many, in the room where you'll be putting it, is there just one commode?

• 1:03:31Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:03:31Travis McElroy?

  Okay, thank goodness. Because if there were two, and you just brought one in, people would always know which one you use.

• 1:03:40Travis McElroy?

  They're already gonna get that a little bit, right? They're gonna know that that's your star player. They're gonna know that, they're gonna know that it's essential enough member of your team that you want armored, like all your guys. If there were two, and you only brought one, and then you get in there, and somebody's in that stall, you'd have to be like, hey, could you pass that over?

• 1:03:58Griffin McElroy?

  Kick that bad boy my way.

• 1:03:59Travis McElroy?

  That's actually mine. I brought it from home. If you could scoot it under the wall, that would be great. I don't wanna make this weird, but scoot it over. It has my name on it, so.

• 1:04:06Griffin McElroy?

  How, how much, like, stock and power do you have in this organization?

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  Not very much.

• 1:04:14Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shoot.

• 1:04:15Travis McElroy?

  How much do you like your job?

• 1:04:16Speaker 03

  Not very much.

• 1:04:17Travis McElroy?

  Bring it in!

• 1:04:18Griffin McElroy?

  Bring it in. Yeah, actually, that's great.

• 1:04:23Travis McElroy?

  Does, uh, does that help? Oh, bring it in and then take it with you when you quit?

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  Oh, of course.

• 1:04:28Travis McElroy?

  They're gonna be so like, "Oh no!" We were all used to it!

• 1:04:31Griffin McElroy?

  Or, when you leave every day. You show, you punch the clock and then wave to everybody like, "Hey, hi!" And you gotta, right?

• 1:04:39Travis McElroy?

  You have a chain of...

• 1:04:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, you have a bike clock.

• 1:04:42Travis McElroy?

  You put it on it every night.

• 1:04:43Griffin McElroy?

  Or just never speak again at your job. Only communicate through intense glances while hugging your squatty potty like the fucking log lady for the rest of your career there.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  Okay, perfect. Now that helps.

• 1:04:56Griffin McElroy?

  That, good.

• 1:04:57Travis McElroy?

  If you carry it with you all the time, no one needs to know it's for the toilet. Now it's just for you!

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  My emotional support squatty potty.

• 1:05:04Griffin McElroy?

  Squatty potty, for sure. Does that help?

• 1:05:06Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:05:06Griffin McElroy?

  Great, awesome. Thank you so much.

• 1:05:10Griffin McElroy?

  Hello. Hello. That's a great shirt. Thanks. So, my pronouns are he/him, um, and my question was... Wait, what's your name? Sorry. Uh, it's part of the question. Oh, yeah?

• 1:05:22Griffin McElroy?

  So, how do I react when people comment on that my name is Kelvin Kline? Yeah. Holy shit!

• 1:05:31Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, did you guys have any idea that Kelvin Kline was a fan of my brother, my brother and me?

• 1:05:37Travis McElroy?

  How much harder has it been considering the fact that you kind of sound a little bit like Kelvin Kline? Cause that's gotta make things a lot more challenging. Have you been working on that? Remember, you're Kevin?

• 1:05:49Griffin McElroy?

  So, I've only ever seen two things he's been in, which are Bob's Burgers. Right. And, uh, Hotel Dorada. I've never seen a fish named Wanda or anything like that. Fucking In-N-Out, there's a lot of pretty good Kelvin Kline flicks out there.

• 1:06:00Travis McElroy?

  No, Dave, fucking Dave, man! Fucking Dave! Yeah, he's hot. My boy King Kline is in Mad Pictures! Have you, um... Wild, Wild West?

• 1:06:12Griffin McElroy?

  Nope.

• 1:06:13Travis McElroy?

  I'm talking about Kevin fucking Kline! lied over here. Have you intentionally avoided the Kelvin Kline orvor? A little bit. Really? Okay, so you steer clear of his fixtures. Here's what I'll say about your parents naming you Kelvin Kline. Is that when it comes time to name a child, there's a lot of thought and work that goes into it. Because you don't know what it's gonna be like, what their life is gonna be like. Right. But at this point, with the last name Kline, you know Kevin works. Right. Because Kelvin Kline has been very successful up until your birth. What year were you born in? Uh, 93. Oh, yeah. Peak fucking Kelvin Kline, yeah, for sure. Paul, what kind of year is Kelvin Kline having in 93? Because I feel like he's aces.

• 1:06:58Travis McElroy?

  Now he's on fire.

• 1:06:59Griffin McElroy?

  Smoking.

• 1:07:00Travis McElroy?

  Bucket after bucket after bucket. I'm January, man. Yeah, that's just more sexy pictures of Kelvin Kline. That man is Dave 93? He's on KevinKline.com.

• 1:07:17Griffin McElroy?

  God, you pulled a slideshow. Wait, you just showed us that those were already on your computer before.

• 1:07:22Travis McElroy?

  This is what I'm saying, he always saves. This is just on his hard drive. Uh, do you, when people, do people ever want to talk to you more about Kelvin Kline? And some of their thoughts about Kelvin Kline? Dave was 93. Come on, holy shit, crush it. It's usually more like a throwaway comment, like, oh, like the actor? And it's like, yeah.

• 1:07:40Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, well, Kevin, let me go ahead and tell you, that's not that bad. You gotta take those on the chin. There's way worse stuff people can say in response to your name, I bet.

• 1:07:49Travis McElroy?

  I was almost named Kelvin Kline.

• 1:07:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dog, that would have been way, way worse.

• 1:07:53Travis McElroy?

  Way better for us, though. I mean, we can all agree that would have been, I mean, we could have had a lot of fun with that, with the underwear stuff and everything, yeah. Do you want to change it to Calvin? No, not at all. What about Kelvin?

• 1:08:06Travis McElroy?

  And then when you tell people, my name's Kelvin Kline, and they're like, oh, like the design? You say, no, like the temperature.

• 1:08:16Griffin McElroy?

  Does that help? Yeah, I'll watch more movies. Okay, yeah, you sure.

• 1:08:19Travis McElroy?

  Start with-

• 1:08:19Griffin McElroy?

  It's got a great- Thank you so much, Kevin. Thank you. I'll never forget you.

• 1:08:28Travis McElroy?

  That's the most disappointed anyone's ever been to watch a Ke- Kelvin Kline picture.

• 1:08:33Griffin McElroy?

  Aw, shit.

• 1:08:33Travis McElroy?

  He's so charismatic.

• 1:08:35Griffin McElroy?

  I got a-

• 1:08:36Travis McElroy?

  Start with Wild Wild West, don't end with Wild Wild West.

• 1:08:40Griffin McElroy?

  Hello?

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  Hello, I'm Shannon Sheer.

• 1:08:43Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Shannon.

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  Hi.

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  I need you to choose my classroom theme for next year.

• 1:08:49Griffin McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:50Speaker 03

  Because I was thinking either like frogs, or I wanted to make it like a medieval castle.

• 1:08:55Griffin McElroy?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  But I polled my students at the end of the year, and overwhelmingly Shrek was the choice.

• 1:09:01Travis McElroy?

  Okay. I'm so excited about this, because mainly, what I want to know, like, what grade is this classroom?

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  Uh, 6th grade, English.

• 1:09:10Travis McElroy?

  And they love Shrek that much?

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  Every year, yes, they still love Shrek.

• 1:09:16Travis McElroy?

  Every year?

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  So much. Every year, they love Shrek.

• 1:09:18Travis McElroy?

  It's been a decade since Shrek has haunted the theaters, and yet, he's so large in our children's hearts.

• 1:09:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, and, and in physical space, he's a big-

• 1:09:27Travis McElroy?

  I got, I got big news for you, Shrek's a frog.

• 1:09:33Travis McElroy?

  So like, you've, in a sense, already won as a giant frog man.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:09:37Travis McElroy?

  And if they were like, "What are you thinking for the frog prom?" It was a prom, I think, "Where are you thinking for the frog prom?" You're like, "If I'm gonna have a giant man dressed like a frog," you'd be like, "Hell, yes, that sounds awesome." Well, you're doing that anyway by having Shrek present. You're booking Shrek, right?

• 1:09:55Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, you mentioned a frog-

• 1:09:56Speaker 03

  Of course, the 6th grade prom, yeah.

• 1:09:57Griffin McElroy?

  You mentioned a frog prom in your question, right?

• 1:09:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you were talking about frog prom, and if you should hire Shrek to come to your frog prom, right?

• 1:10:03Griffin McElroy?

  Justin was only kinda listening, but you mentioned, "How do you get Shrek to come to your frog prom?"

• 1:10:07Travis McElroy?

  You were saying you're designing a prom for 6th graders, and you dig a pool, the 6th graders are like, "Yeah, we want fucking Shrek at our prom."

• 1:10:13Griffin McElroy?

  Our frog prom?

• 1:10:14Travis McElroy?

  At our frog prom? We got our Shrek there.

• 1:10:17Griffin McElroy?

  He's the most famous frog, of course he's gotta be a frog prom.

• 1:10:19Travis McElroy?

  And a castle-shaped cake! Yeah, the important thing is not how close I listen, it's how much fun everybody- I don't know if you guys know this.

• 1:10:27Griffin McElroy?

  You are going to be looking at iconography of whatever you choose for, what, nine calendar months or so. I think Shrek would be more fun to see than a bunch of frogs or, I don't know, some parapets. I don't know what castle theme looks like.

• 1:10:44Travis McElroy?

  Turrets? Now, what you could do is you could incorporate Shrek in such a way that you have several different, maybe, representations of Shrek. And depending on their behavior the day before, maybe Shrek's disappointed in them next day. Or maybe Shrek's very proud of them the next day. Maybe Shrek's a little concerned the next day. Hey, let me ask you, you wanted castles, right? And they got Shrek.

• 1:11:05Speaker 03

  Yes, that's close.

• 1:11:07Travis McElroy?

  Wait, but Shrek's a fantasy character, so do you just hate Shrek? Because you definitely could have done castles as part of Shrek. It's harder to incorporate a castle in Frog Prom. I guess if you do, like, a Frog Prince thing. You know Frog Prom, I don't know where you keep getting that. You're right. I mean, to be fair, in the second one, in Shrek 2, his father-in-law is a Frog Prince.

• 1:11:29Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:11:30Speaker 03

  That's, that's very true.

• 1:11:31Travis McElroy?

  Why do I know that?

• 1:11:35Speaker 03

  I'm okay on Shrek. I don't hate Shrek.

• 1:11:37Travis McElroy?

  You're okay?

• 1:11:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:39Griffin McElroy?

  We actually did so good.

• 1:11:40Travis McElroy?

  Isn't that he's not funny enough? Because he's very funny.

• 1:11:42Griffin McElroy?

  He's really fucking funny.

• 1:11:43Travis McElroy?

  You got a thing against ogres? Because they're like onions.

• 1:11:46Griffin McElroy?

  We actually.

• 1:11:46Travis McElroy?

  They got layers.

• 1:11:48Griffin McElroy?

  He's a frog, not an ogre. I don't know what you're talking about. Also, we actually have forgotten up to this point, and we gotta be better about this, boys. We actually make everyone who comes up to the microphone during the live Q and A portion of this show give a plea that they don't hate Shrek. And so I'm glad that you have reminded us.

• 1:12:02Travis McElroy?

  It's like a loyalty test. Yeah.

• 1:12:06Speaker 03

  A plea?

• 1:12:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:08Griffin McElroy?

  Just do.

• 1:12:09Travis McElroy?

  No, no, I want to hear it now. Tell us your deepest thoughts on Shrek and convince us you don't hate him. I want to hear the truth, your tru-- not the public face you put on. I want to know. When you're all alone at night, you're looking at yourself in the mirror. Shrek. And you, you're all alone, you meet Shrek. What are you thinking? Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a Shrek?

• 1:12:34Travis McElroy?

  Does it, is it just, I mean, what do you think of Shrek? Even Travis's joke is not gonna distract me. What do you think of Shrek? Tell me all your thoughts on Shrek.

• 1:12:47Speaker 03

  I saw Shrek in theaters in 2001.

• 1:12:51Travis McElroy?

  That was legally mandated.

• 1:12:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:53Speaker 03

  The first and second ones are very good. I saw the second one in theaters as well.

• 1:12:57Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:12:58Speaker 03

  It's not my favorite movie of all time.

• 1:13:00Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I'm not trying to Shrek-keep here.

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  I don't hate Shrek. Please.

• 1:13:04Griffin McElroy?

  No, we know. You wouldn't be here if you hated Shrek.

• 1:13:07Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we would know instantly, actually. We know, that's part of the test, is we always know, right? There was security outside to check for that. Yeah, that's what they were there for. Does that help?

• 1:13:17Griffin McElroy?

  Do, no, it doesn't.

• 1:13:18Travis McElroy?

  No, wait, no. Griffin's right, Griffin's right.

• 1:13:20Griffin McElroy?

  Do frogs and castles in the same, and then if they say, "Sorry, guys, they were out of Shrek stuff at the party supply store, so we have to pretend that this castle frog is a Shrek."

• 1:13:29Travis McElroy?

  Tell us the best Shrek, tell us the best Shrek you could draw. This happens to look exactly like a frog.

• 1:13:37Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe if you guys, maybe, yeah, sorry, it's a castle frog and not Shrek, it's the best we could do. Maybe if you guys had brought in more box tops for education last year, we could get real fucking Shrek.

• 1:13:50Travis McElroy?

  Sell a few more chocolate bars.

• 1:13:53Griffin McElroy?

  Does that help?

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  Very much, yes.

• 1:13:54Griffin McElroy?

  Cool, awesome. Thank you so much.

• 1:14:01Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, what's up?

• 1:14:02Travis McElroy?

  Hey, brothers, this is Adam, and I like Shrek.

• 1:14:05Griffin McElroy?

  Great, thank you so much.

• 1:14:06Travis McElroy?

  Wait, Travis has a friend or like, like, like him?

• 1:14:09Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, no.

• 1:14:11Travis McElroy?

  So, I have a lot of rocks and minerals. I'm a geologist, and I wanna find, yeah.

• 1:14:19Griffin McElroy?

  What just hap, what just happened?

• 1:14:20Travis McElroy?

  That happened.

• 1:14:23Travis McElroy?

  Lot of stoners here.

• 1:14:24Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, Patrick.

• 1:14:25Travis McElroy?

  It's what they call big fans of rocks. So, I wanna find an inconspicuous way I can have my rocks or minerals out to show friends and get them to ask questions about them.

• 1:14:38Griffin McElroy?

  You wanna talk about your rocks, but in a way where it doesn't seem like you're trying to force the conversation?

• 1:14:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, and... Not small ones either, like I have bigger rocks.

• 1:14:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:48Travis McElroy?

  Okay, we get it, Adam. You don't have to keep bragging about how big your rocks are.

• 1:14:51Griffin McElroy?

  How big and cool your rocks are.

• 1:14:52Travis McElroy?

  Every time we hang out with this guy, I'm telling, "Oh, look at my big rocks."

• 1:14:56Griffin McElroy?

  What's your current, like, how many rocks you got out, Adam? How many rocks you got out? If I walk in your living room and look around, just, "Buh buh buh buh buh," how many rocks am I clocking?

• 1:15:06Travis McElroy?

  Ah, maybe like ten to thirty.

• 1:15:11Travis McElroy?

  Wait, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam. Ten to thirty?

• 1:15:16Griffin McElroy?

  It's not ten, is it, Adam? A- Adam, go ahead and tell me it's not ten, is it?

• 1:15:22Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 1:15:23Griffin McElroy?

  It's not ten. I didn't think it was ten.

• 1:15:26Travis McElroy?

  Russian nesting rocks.

• 1:15:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's like thirty to fifteen hundred and some. Do you categorize by shape?

• 1:15:33Travis McElroy?

  I live in a can. It's fine.

• 1:15:35Griffin McElroy?

  Would it be weird for you to spill a box of rocks and be like, "Oh, no. They're so beautiful. Help me pick them up. I'll tell you about each one."

• 1:15:46Travis McElroy?

  When someone comes over, have all the rocks out, like, on the couch and all the chairs and go, "Oh, let me move these."

• 1:15:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:52Travis McElroy?

  And then as you move each one, say the name of it.

• 1:15:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. That's cool. Oh, excuse me.

• 1:15:57Travis McElroy?

  So embarrassing, sorry.

• 1:15:58Griffin McElroy?

  So embarrassing. I was solving a rocks mystery. Let me just put these away.

• 1:16:02Travis McElroy?

  I'm something of a rocks detective. It's called the geologist. Let me tell you more.

• 1:16:05Griffin McElroy?

  Let me tell you all about it.

• 1:16:06Travis McElroy?

  Um, I was just about to name this one, actually. Uh, perhaps Kimberly.

• 1:16:11Griffin McElroy?

  Kimberlite.

• 1:16:12Travis McElroy?

  Kimberlite. Perhaps Kimberlite?

• 1:16:14Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, I'll tell you what would do it for me, Adam, is if I rolled up in your, in your place and it was incredibly minimalist, except for the one single rock that you had out for display.

• 1:16:26Travis McElroy?

  How big, Griffin?

• 1:16:28Griffin McElroy?

  Any fucking size. If there's nothing else in the room except for one eye-catching rock, I'm gonna need to know everything about that before we talk about anything else.

• 1:16:37Travis McElroy?

  When someone comes to visit your house for the first time, right, and you're showing them around, take them to her, take them to the room, right, and say, "This is my rock collection." And you open the door and there's one rock in there. And they're like, "I thought you said rock collection." You say, "I'm just getting started."

• 1:16:50Griffin McElroy?

  Is this for your home?

• 1:16:51Travis McElroy?

  More office. Um, really anywhere.

• 1:16:55Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, if you're a geologist in the world, your office is all rocks.

• 1:16:59Travis McElroy?

  Yep. It's a really good point. Wait, do you have any moon rocks? No.

• 1:17:03Griffin McElroy?

  Damn. Damn, that's so disappointing, Adam.

• 1:17:06Travis McElroy?

  It might be good, it might be good, Adam, if you started a rock of the day. So you would have like, I heard a few people. Wait, are there neurodivergent people in here? Okay, I heard a rock of the day, right? So it's like one circle and it says rock of the day and you put a different rock there every day. And people could come by and ask about that rock. That's good too, because they're not gonna catch you slipping. Yeah. They're not gonna be like, tell me about this one. And you're like, fuck. I don't know about that one, damn it. Yeah, you have, you have its trading card pulled up and ready to go. I would like to hear just my applause, Adam Karagiostani. Knowing that Adam is a geologist expert in rocks who wants to talk about rocks. How many people in this room would like to hear like details about rocks?

• 1:17:53Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, I mean, conditional applause. If I don't have any other cool stuff I've got going on.

• 1:18:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. If I'm not getting down with a romantic partner, if you guys know what I mean. Is there a guitar professor next door or something that you have to worry about or? Oh, you like rock and roll? Well, let me show you some rocks that roll. Oh, you like getting your rocks off? Well, let's get our rock on. You will be excused from the premises. Adam, does that help? Immensely.

• 1:18:22Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Adam. That also works.

• 1:18:25Travis McElroy?

  There we go. All right, if you could shut the house lights off, making sure Adam's safely to. I had one more, if I could do it.

• 1:18:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:18:33Travis McElroy?

  Oh, you won't be fooled by the rocks that I got. I'm a geologist, right?

• 1:18:37Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think that one is it. Thank you so much for joining us here. Thank you. Thank you for these beautiful trophies. Thank you for making us feel like real winners. Thank you to the Capital One Hall for having us.

• 1:18:52Travis McElroy?

  Thanks to everybody who made this tour possible, like. Paul Sporn, Rachel, Amanda, and Jack.

• 1:19:00Griffin McElroy?

  And thank you so much to Kate May for this incredible tour poster.

• 1:19:04Travis McElroy?

  Yes, thank you.

• 1:19:06Griffin McElroy?

  We signed a bunch of them out in the lobby. They might still be out there. I don't know. Y'all have been incredible. Seriously, fantastic. This is truly wild to do this here and do a sold-out show. You all are remarkable. Thank you all so much. Very, very, very, very.

• 1:19:22Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:19:25Travis McElroy?

  So, thank you to Montane.

• 1:19:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yes. For the use of our theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." It's a club banger every time.

• 1:19:32Travis McElroy?

  Hey, I always get so tripped on that because I'm just so excited that I remembered it and Griffin didn't.

• 1:19:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:19:37Travis McElroy?

  And I get the first four words out and then my brain starts high-fiving itself.

• 1:19:40Griffin McElroy?

  I know.

• 1:19:41Travis McElroy?

  And I forget to say the rest of the sentence.

• 1:19:43Griffin McElroy?

  We, at the end of our live shows, we like to lift a wish up to Fungalor. He doesn't need any help hearing them, but like, it's symbolic. And so...

• 1:19:50Travis McElroy?

  And he appreciates it.

• 1:19:52Griffin McElroy?

  I'd like to read this one that someone sent in ahead of time. And maybe you could lead the congregation in a bit of a...

• 1:19:57Travis McElroy?

  I don't like that.

• 1:19:58Griffin McElroy?

  Like a cleansing sonic bath to like, raise this up. So...

• 1:20:03Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so we're gonna start low and it's gonna build up as Justin's doing. So, you do it?

• 1:20:11Travis McElroy?

  You have to do it too, please. Thank you.

• 1:20:20Griffin McElroy?

  "I wish that Capital One CEO Rich Fairbank would play Magic the Gathering with me."

• 1:20:27Travis McElroy?

  My name's Justin McElroy. My name's Travis McElroy.

• 1:20:30Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:20:31Travis McElroy?

  My brother, my brother, me kiss your dad's square on the lips.