Are You Doing Enough to Reach Your Dreams? THIS Is How You Tell... | Ed Mylett

Are You Actually Doing Enough… or Just Telling Yourself You Are? In this mashup, I’m bringing you into one of the most honest conversations you’ll ever have with yourself. Because the truth is, most people say they want more out of life, but very few are willing to do what it actually takes to get there. I break down the real separator between those who win and those who stay stuck, and it comes down to a simple but powerful principle that has changed my entire life: one more. You’re going to hear from Jay Shetty, Jim Kwik, and Ryan Hawk as we unpack what it really means to maximize your potential. Jay shares the importance of intention and alignment, and how your habits either move you closer to your purpose or quietly pull you away from it. Jim Kwik dives into the power of upgrading your mind and removing the limits you’ve accepted about your own capabilities. And Ryan Hawk brings the leadership perspective, showing you how discipline, consistency, and daily standards separate elite performers from everyone else. I also get real with you about something most people avoid. Hard work is no longer the separator. Everybody works hard. The difference is who is willing to do a little extra when it’s inconvenient, when they’re tired, when nobody is watching. That extra rep, that extra call, that extra minute. That is where your identity starts to shift. That is where you begin to believe you deserve the life you say you want. What I want you to feel after this episode is a level of accountability that excites you. Not guilt, not pressure, but clarity. Because when you understand that doing one more compounds over time, you realize you are much closer than you think. The gap between where you are and where you want to be might just be a few more reps, a few more intentional days, a few more moments where you choose growth over comfort. Key Takeaways: Why “one more” is the ultimate separator between average and elite performers How small extra efforts compound into massive long term results Jay Shetty’s insight on aligning your habits with your purpose Jim Kwik’s strategies for breaking mental limits and upgrading your thinking Ryan Hawk’s perspective on discipline, leadership, and daily standards How doing more reps builds confidence, identity, and belief in yourself Why working hard is no longer enough and what actually sets you apart This episode is your wake up call and your roadmap. If you’ve been questioning whether you’re doing enough, I’m going to help you answer that honestly. And more importantly, I’m going to show you exactly how to close that gap and start living at your maxed out level. ⁠👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ← ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠INSTAGRAM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠FACEBOOK⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LINKEDIN⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WEBSITE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 P.M. And my third day, 6:00 P.M. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time, too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it waiting weeks on a big bank for capital. Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff, borrow better.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Good times mean competitions between you and your friends, like seeing who can throw some pigskin the farthest or rush the field the fastest. Winner gets an Ultra. Because it's not just a superior-like beer, it's also giving fans superior access to their favorite sporting events. Superior is worth playing for. Visit michelobultra.com/superioraccess to enter. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2026 Anheuser-Busch InBev Michelob Ultra Beer, St. Louis, Missouri.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  This is The Ed Mylett Show.

• 1:40Ed Mylett?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow The Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett, and I want to welcome you back to the program. I'm fired up about today's show because we're getting right into what it takes to win. And that is this. Write this down. One more. One more. See, I accepted a long time ago. I wasn't the smartest, the best-looking, the fast enough, with the best background, the most connections. I didn't have any of those things. What I could control was my work ethic. You've heard me speak many times about outworking everybody, but I think that just feels good when we hear it. But most people don't take it seriously.

• 2:25Ed Mylett?

  If you think that I have a little bit of success in my life, I can tell you what I attribute it to. Yes, self-confidence, yes, mindset, visualization, goals. All the things I talk about all the time. Listening skills, influence, energy transfer, how to be happier, all of that stuff applies. When you get to winning, for me, it's come down to maxing out. And what maxing out means is you do one more at least than you think you're capable of. So when you're done, whatever you're doing, whether it's at the gym, or phone calls, or meetings, or in sports, one more shot, one more throw, one more swing of the golf club or the baseball bat, the separator is for the winners, they do one more. I'm addicted to one more. And so I want your mantra going forward to be, "One more." What does that look like if we're working out?

• 3:10Ed Mylett?

  That means when we're in the gym and we say, "I'm gonna do five sets of 10," I'm crazy. Like, I'm a psycho, because I wanna win, I wanna be somebody, I wanna separate. I wanna compete. And the way I do that isn't with my giftedness. Because I wasn't born with a bunch of gifts, and I think gifts are crap. I think for the most part, gifted people struggle in life because things come easy to them. I like that things haven't come easy for me in my life. I like that I have natural talents in every area. And maybe you like that about you too. Maybe you've looked at yourself all your life and thought, "Man, I don't have that natural beauty, or that natural talent, or this gift for creativity, or intellect, or humor." I don't have any of those things. But what I got is I will outwork you.

• 3:52Ed Mylett?

  And so at the gym, one of the things I focus on, they say it's five sets of 10. When I'm at 10, I go, "One more." Bam, 11. If I'm running on the treadmill and it's a 45-minute run, I never finish at 45. I always go, "One more minute, 46." If I'm at the office and I'm supposed to make 25 phone calls that day, when I'm at the end of the day, I always do "One more." If I've got meetings, I always do "One more." My mantra for three decades in business has been "One more." Why? Because we get out of life what we think we deserve. And I'm the kind of guy that I know, when you do 45 minutes on the treadmill and I do 46, I deserve to be fitter. I know that when I'm lifting weights... And I watch you do five sets of 10 and every single time I do one more.

• 4:36Ed Mylett?

  When it's a set of five, I do six. When it's a set of eight, I do nine. When it's 45 on the treadmill, I do 46. When it's supposed to be 20 phone calls, I make 21. When it's supposed to be an eight hour workday, I work nine. Whatever it is, I always do one more. And what that does is it makes me eventually think I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do. So I should get things other people aren't going to get. And if you go to the root of the things I believe philosophically about winning, the people that win, the great athletes that I coach, when I watch the really gifted golfer and the one who actually wins, the gifted golfer, they do what they're supposed to do. You'd never know they weren't working hard. It's not like people don't work hard. Everybody works hard. That's a given now.

• 5:20Ed Mylett?

  But what's the separator to where you become the maxed out version of you? See, the gifted golfer, they hit their 100 balls because they're supposed to. But the not so gifted one that ends up winning, they hit 101 or 110 or 120. I watch them on the driving range and I can hear them say, "One more, one more." What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and other gifted NBA players when he played? Or Michael Jordan when they played? Or right now Kevin Durant, people tell me, or Steph Curry. They're constantly, when everyone else is done shooting in the gym, they say, "One more." Larry Bird was legendary for "One more, one more." The people that would throw the passes to him, the ball guys in practice, he always wants more. He always wants more.

• 6:03Ed Mylett?

  The great hitters that I know, the Mike Trout's in MLB, they're gifted, but they just take a little more. They take that extra batting practice, that extra session. They're always doing extra. That's the separator. Like you can learn all this stuff. You can digest all the tactics and information that I give out. But if you're not willing to do one more, eventually there's a part of you that says, "Maybe, maybe I don't deserve it." I'm just doing what everybody else is doing and that's not good enough. It's not even good enough to do more than everybody else. It's your maxed out level. It's one more of everything. And so whether that's a phone call, an email, a text, an appointment. One more time you tell your spouse you love them. One more time you go in and kiss your children goodnight.

• 6:45Ed Mylett?

  One more hug of somebody, one more phone call, one more everything. I want your theme to be "one more." Have I said that enough times for you today? So what's that really look like in application? Well, the second thing it does for you is you actually do more reps of whatever it is you're doing. And when we do more repetitions, we get better. And when we do more repetitions, we're more productive. So number one is the psychology part. If you're someone who's always doing things other people aren't willing to do, you always max out, you always go to the next level. You convince yourself you deserve to win. You can take low self-esteem, low identity, low confidence, and change it over time by building this habitual addiction to doing "one more." This obsession of "one more." All the greats do "one more" and all the average don't.

• 7:30Ed Mylett?

  It's not that the average don't work hard. It's not that the average at your company, it's not that they don't work hard. They probably work pretty hard. But do they always do extra? Do they always do "one more"? Do they always do 10 more if they need to? Do they always get after it? The other part of it, number two, is you just get better because of the reps. You're just doing more of something, you get better. You get stronger. You become a better phone caller when you make one more phone call every day. You become a better communicator when you do one more meeting every single day. You get better at coordination in your sport or at the gym by just doing more reps. Yes, you get better. So that's the second layer. But the third one is, you stack the odds in your favor. See, for me, I want the odds that I'm going to win to increase.

• 8:14Ed Mylett?

  The larger numbers we play in life, in every area, more is always better. People tell you, "More isn't always better." And almost everything, more is better, just so you know. And almost everything. People who tell you more isn't better in most things are lazy. And they try to justify their own weakness. Don't let people who are justifying their own weakness convince you that you working hard, you doing more, isn't the pathway to your success. People say, "Well, you gotta work smarter, not harder." That's a lie, because everybody who wins works smarter. The separator is who works harder. And by the way, we become smarter through working harder. All the new revelations, all the breakthroughs, all the new discoveries, always come when you're doing "one more." Always come through more repetitions.

• 8:59Ed Mylett?

  You find new ways, new strategies, new words, new keys by higher repetitions. So even if you believe working smarter is more important, you will become smarter by doing more. So if you work 300 days a year, let's just say 300 days a year, that's 300 more phone calls every single year. Over five years, that's 1,500 more contacts. 1,500 more contacts. Just think about that just for a second. Over 30 years, that's 9,000 more contacts. What are the odds the person who makes 9,000 more contacts, or even 300 more a year, are gonna win? You give me two average people that walk in a room, same ability, same skills, same backgrounds, same product. One of them makes 300 more contacts a year than the other one. Who's gonna win?

• 9:44Ed Mylett?

  We know. How about over five years? One of them makes 1,500 more contacts over five years. Who's gonna win? Over a lifetime, 30 years of work, one makes 9,000 more contacts. Who's gonna win? You stack the odds in your favor. Never mind the person who made the 9,000 more contacts is better. They've got more reps, they've got more confidence, they believe they deserve to win. They just have 9,000 more opportunities. How about a golfer? One of them makes 300 more swings a year. A year, and that's just one more swing a day, right? And over a year, over five years, 1,500 more. 9,000 over a lifetime. Who's more likely to win? So you pick anything you want. You begin to stack the odds in your favor. How about at the gym? If every day you went one more minute in your cardio. So it's supposed to be 45, you do 46.

• 10:28Ed Mylett?

  Do you know what that starts to do to you? You start knowing you're different. You start knowing you obliterate standards. You start knowing you can break through. When you break through an artificial barrier, like 45 minutes, you do one more. It sets a catalyst for your entire day. It sets a syntax. It sets a mindset for the rest of your life. Never mind the fact that if you do 300 more minutes, which is 9,000 more over your lifetime, who's gonna be more fit? So you begin to stack these things and your entire life changes. This is what I like to call compound pounding. Most people underestimate what time can do when backed up with massive activity. Right as I'm speaking to you, I'm looking out at the ocean right now.

• 11:09Ed Mylett?

  And there's a massive rock formation and you can see the rivets in the rocks. And what caused those rivets in the rocks was compound pounding of the ocean hitting that rock over and over and over again, over and over, compound pounding against that rock. And over time, that ocean breaks the rock down. Over time, where you can see the breakdown in a rock that water does hitting it. Think about that over time, not one time when the water hits it, not two times, not five times. When you add up years and years and years of that water hitting the rock, it breaks it down. And that's like getting through to your dream. You have to be like that water hitting the rock I'm staring at right now.

• 11:50Ed Mylett?

  That over time, that compound pounding breaks down the barriers, breaks down the obstacles, breaks down anything in your way of getting to your dream. So I'm sold out on all the strategies and tactics that I teach you. But what I believe in completely is the power of compound pounding. And here's the crazy thing about most people, they will give up on their dream before the compounding has been allowed to kick in. So they'll work at it and they'll work at it and they'll work at it and they don't see the breakthrough. But what they don't understand is that rock was getting ready to break if you just keep pounding against it. But because most people don't see the evidence, see, if you watch that water hit that rock over one day, you're gonna see no difference.

• 12:32Ed Mylett?

  Two days, no difference, five days, no difference, maybe even a year, there's no difference. Maybe even five years. But you have the compound pounding of every wave hitting that rock over and over again. There's an inevitability to the breakdown of the rock. That's true of your goals and dreams as well. There's an inevitability to success. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when, when we adopt one more, when we adopt compound pounding. Do you know the kind of confidence you begin to have when you just accept in your life that I am going to be relentless, I'm always gonna do extra? And you accept the fact that all things break down over time. All the barriers will go away, all the obstacles will go away, everything in your way will go away.

• 13:16Ed Mylett?

  If you keep after it over an extended period of time. Most people overestimate what they can do in a year. They do. They set up goals for a year and they overestimate where they're gonna get to. And they dramatically underestimate what they can do in a decade. And the reason for that is most people don't understand the power of compound pounding. So I want you to accept today that you're gonna be relentless, that you're gonna keep coming, that you're like a dripping faucet. You're like those waves hitting the rock. Other people are gonna get slowed down. Other people are gonna take a break. Other people are gonna flinch. Other people are gonna cool it. Other people are gonna believe they've made it. Or maybe some people are gonna believe they can't make it. But you're gonna be relentless. You're gonna be repetitious. You may not be the fastest. You may not be the smartest. You may not be the strongest. You may not be the most beautiful.

• 14:00Ed Mylett?

  You may not have the most articulate thoughts and ideas in the world. But what you got is compound pounding. What you got is one more. And when they get weak, you just keep coming. When they flinch, you blow their doors off. That's how you win in life, is you keep getting after it and keep getting it after it until the job gets done. You show me somebody who can succeed, so a lot of people can be excited for a day. They can be excited for a month. Some people can be excited for a year or two or three years. But the winners, they stay excited as long as it takes to get the job done. They keep after it until the job gets done. They never stop. They're always after it. And that's where their strength comes from. That's where their confidence comes from. Is knowing their capacity to keep coming at you. And that all your competition's gonna get weak. They're gonna get tired.

• 14:44Ed Mylett?

  They're gonna surrender. They're gonna give in. They're gonna think they made it. They're gonna take a break. They're gonna cool it. And you just keep coming. It's just nature. Just like the nature of the ocean against that rock, it's just nature that you run down your dream, that you knock down your dream. I want you to implement all the things that I teach on max out. All the tactics, all the strategies, but more than anything, I want you to buy into the fact of an inevitability of you winning. That it's inevitable, that it might not be a year or two years or three years, but you're gonna stay excited and you're gonna keep doing one more until the job gets done. Today's message is very simple. You can win. You should win and you will win. I want you to feel this. You will win if you just.

• 15:26Ed Mylett?

  Keep coming, you keep getting after it, you keep doing one more. You can control this. You can't control all the exterior things in your life. People's attitudes, how they treat you. Who cancels on you, who changes their mind? Who hates on you, who lets you down? But you can control this. You can always go 46 instead of 45. You can always go 11 instead of 10. You can always make the next phone call. Always do one more meeting, always do one more, always, always, always. And I promise you, you will knock down that rock that's in between you and your dream. And make them come true. Today's really simple. You're gonna knock down whatever that rock is that's in between you and your dream. You're gonna keep after it, you're gonna be relentless, you're not gonna give in. You're gonna be the person who stays excited until the entire job gets done.

• 16:10Ed Mylett?

  Until that dream is real. And you know, long-term, all these other people, they're gonna flinch, they're gonna get weak, and you won't. You've adopted a max out mindset. And I want to remind you today to stay connected with me. I want you to win. Hope you can feel it today. I want to break it down to its most simple form, which is that you use nature to your advantage. You use the force of you, the force of effort, the force of sustained effort over an extended period of time. To wear out the obstacles in front of you in your dream. I want you to feel the confidence that comes with it. I'm telling you. Look at me, listen to me. You're gonna do this. You're gonna win if, and it's a big if. If you'll just adopt it. It ought to be written everywhere, one more, one more, max out, everywhere you can put it.

• 16:56Ed Mylett?

  It's inevitable. It's not if anymore. It's just when. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. This episode is sponsored by Ro. A lot of people assume GLP-1's cost a fortune. And that assumption keeps them from even looking into treatment. Ro helps people find a more affordable path to FDA-approved GLP-1 treatment. Ro wants to help people lose weight. That's why they have more affordable GLP-1 options, whether you're paying with insurance or cash. Ro's free insurance checker makes it easy to see if you're covered for GLP-1 injections. Just submit your insurance card and Ro handles the rest. No paperwork, no waiting on hold, no confusing. Phone calls and if insurance doesn't cover treatment, there are still options.

• 17:41Ed Mylett?

  Row offers the lowest cost cash pay FDA approved GLP ones such as daily pills and multi-dose pens. I use products by Row and you should too. Go to row.co/milet to see if you qualify. That's R O dot C O slash my let to get started on Row. For side effects of GLP one medications, including boxed warning, go to R O dot C O forward slash safety, R O dot C O slash safety. So when I end, when I end up buying the island, we had to do all of our outdoor decorating and I spent a fortune in the first half of the place. And I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore, but I want the best stuff. And that's where Wayfair came in. My wife wanted to get this new garden bed and Wayfair was the place that offered the perfect solution.

• 18:21Ed Mylett?

  Wayfair also helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value and trusted reviews. Wayfair verified products are hand vetted by product specialists. They use a 10 point quality inspection system. Here's all I could tell you, the stuff has lasted over time. It looks great and I get compliments on it. Shop thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're trying to refresh your space for fall or transform your space for Halloween. Use filters, custom photos and reviews to find the right fit for your home. More than 20 million verified five star reviews, 20 million. So transform your space with the pieces that hold up to real life. Join Wayfair rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home.

• 19:02Ed Mylett?

  That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 19:10Ed Mylett?

  Now onto our next guest.

• 19:12Jay Shetty?

  This quote by Thomas Edison said, when you feel you've exhausted all options, remember this, you haven't.

• 19:21Ed Mylett?

  I love that.

• 19:22Jay Shetty?

  That's the power of one more.

• 19:23Ed Mylett?

  One more.

• 19:24Jay Shetty?

  And so I have lived this book in my life, like I have lived this mindset and it has changed my life because I've always been just one step away, one habit away, one mindset away from this amazing life that I'm grateful and blessed to live.

• 19:39Ed Mylett?

  Well, that's the truth, right? You're right. And I think the great lie in life is that I, you know, some scriptures say, well, where there's no vision, the people will perish. Whatever your scriptures are, is it really, do you have no vision? If you ask the average person, you want to be happy or sad, what's your vision? They'd say, I want to be happy. You want to be rich or poor? Most people say, I'd like to be rich. Do you want to contribute or make no difference in the world? I want to contribute. Do you want beautiful memories or no memories? I want memories. So there's a vision. Our issue is depth perception.

• 20:06Speaker 04

  We think it's further away than it is. And because we think it's so far away, Jay, we create patterns and behaviors in our life that perpetually keep it there.

• 20:15Jay Shetty?

  Ooh.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  And that's what we do in our life. But what if that's the great lie of life? And what if the truth is that you're one relationship away, one meeting away, one conversation, one podcast, one interview, one new thought, one new emotion, one new tactic or strategy, away from completely changing the trajectory of your life?

• 20:36Jay Shetty?

  Ah.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  And everyone that you and I know that we both work with, that we're blessed to work with in our lives, the truth is, it was one decision, one meeting, one extra rep, one more phone call, one thing they did that changed their trajectory. Then the question then becomes, how do I do it? And so the strategies are in the book. But conceptually, that's 100% how you change your life.

• 20:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and you're so right. I was thinking about this this morning. Last year, I had a double hernia surgery on the front. Like, so I couldn't walk for about a month. And when I say I couldn't walk, I mean, like, I literally couldn't move.

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh.

• 21:12Jay Shetty?

  It was like, I was like, I felt like I was teaching myself to walk again. Like, that's how it felt. It's really interesting what you just said about how we perpetually push it far away. I would wake up every morning and my mind, or my initial mindset was like, it will be gone today.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:28Jay Shetty?

  It must have gone today. Like, today it will be fully healed. I'll be fine today. And I would wake up, and I wouldn't be. And I would feel like healing was so far away.

• 21:40Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 21:40Jay Shetty?

  It would be like 80% away that I was missing out on the 1% change since yesterday.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  You got it.

• 21:47Jay Shetty?

  Since yesterday, I made 1% change. I was, I wasn't feeling the same pain in my nerves. I was able to be flexible by 1% more.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 21:55Jay Shetty?

  And I was missing out on all of that because I was so obsessed with how far I was.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  That's the journey. And the thing, and what happens is, when you live with an expectation that these one more's exist, the reticular activating system in your mind filters them into your awareness. I call it the matrix in the second chapter of the book. When you wake up believing, hey, I'm one decision away, I'm one meeting away, one... Relationship away. That's not hokey. Your mind begins to filter the people, places and things into your awareness. You've developed something called sensory acuity. You hear conversations you weren't hearing. We've all had that experience where we're on an airplane. I can't stop hearing these people over here. Or you walk in a loud room, but you can hear your own name auditorily over all the other names in the room. That's because it's important to you and it matters. You see things. And so when something becomes important to you and you believe it to be true,

• 22:45Speaker 04

  the R A S goes to proving it for you. And where I learned this ironically, I talk about in the book, is my father was an alcoholic and had tried to get sober many, many times. And I'll never forget it, Jay. We were driving to a baseball game of mine. My dad started crying. I'd never seen my dad cry before. And he pulls the car over and he still isn't looking at me, but he's crying. And he says, Eddie, and then he turns to me and he goes, I'm gonna try to get sober. And I never forget this, brother. He goes, one more time. And I said, really daddy? He goes, I'm gonna give it one more try. And I said to him, I said, why would this be any different this time? And he said, never said this to me before. He goes, because I, I love you and you deserve it, father.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  You can be proud of, and you can't be proud of me right now. And I think every great thing we do in life is one away, but it's also born from love. To talk about your book, when you love people or you love something so deeply, if that love is greater than what the obstacles might be, now you got a shot to do it. Then my dad gets sober. He comes home from rehab. I say, daddy, are you never gonna drink again? And he said, I can't promise you that. I can promise you, I'm not gonna drink for one more day at a time. And he lasted the rest of his life stacking those one more days up. And so I know the power of one more. The other thing, I also know humans can change. I watched my hero do it. I watched my dad live my first 15 years.

• 24:12Speaker 04

  So I'm in a lot of fights, a lot of lying, a lot of difficult times. And then I saw this man transform. And in life, we're most qualified to help the person we used to be. And what we think in life, and I hope everybody gets this, we think the things we're most ashamed of, embarrassed by, our divorce, our bankruptcy, or maybe we've just always been average and ordinary. This disqualifies me from being successful and happy. What if, that's not true. What if the hardest things of your life are the very things that qualify you? I'll give you an example. You know, my dad got sober? Somebody helped him. My dad was gonna take his life or lose his family. And I didn't know who it was till months ago. Some precious human being whom I didn't know. In my dad's darkest hour of his life, Jay said, I'll help you. I'll help you.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  Little did that person know, I'd be his son. And I'd help millions of people and I'd be on Jay Shetty Show and we both helped millions of people. And the more ironic thing that this person helped my dad is what qualified them to help my dad? They were a drunk. They were an alcoholic. They at one time were a drug addict. They at one time were lying and stealing and living in the shadows. The very thing that person probably figured that disqualifies me from having a successful life was the one thing that did qualify them to help my dad. So if you're listening to this and you've had something you're ashamed of or a failure or a setback, you're most qualified to help the people you used to be. And that person, that alcoholism they suffered with their drug addiction helped my dad live those one more days forever.

• 25:39Jay Shetty?

  That is the best explanation I've heard of how pain turns into purpose. The thing that brought you down, that broke you down, that made you feel like you were losing everything, gave you back everything when you used that to serve the people that were struggling with it.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  And then there's a purpose. And you know, if you can survive the temporary pain in your life, and all pain is temporary. I watched my father pass away last year. He was in tremendous pain. Even our bodies are temporary, only our souls are permanent. If you can survive the temporary, on the other side of temporary pain, you meet another version of yourself, another insight about yourself. And that's why it's so important to grow as a person, because the more we grow and become a new person, we can help those that used to be like us. And that's why you and I are so addicted to growing and learning and we're curious, because if you used to be a broken person and you no longer are quite as broken, you can help broken people. If you used to be broke financially and you no longer are, you can help people, whatever you do for a living. At one time you didn't know about it and now you do, you can help those who need to know about it.

• 26:43Speaker 04

  And so you're immensely qualified if you understand the power of doing one more.

• 26:47Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I love it, I love it. Tell me about, so let's say, and you probably come up against this all the time. A lot of the people say, okay, I'm gonna practice that. I'm with you, Ed. I love you and Jay. I'm listening and I go, yes, I'm gonna practice the power of one more. Now, what I find, and this is why you're so great at teaching this, because you're not teaching it as a gimmick, a glitch, or like a little affirmation. This is like real, it makes sense, like it works. People get so tied to the result that when they try it the next day, and the sales meeting doesn't go their way,

• 27:22Speaker 04

  They give up.

• 27:23Jay Shetty?

  Or the pitch doesn't go their way, they go, ah, it doesn't work.

• 27:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:26Jay Shetty?

  It doesn't work. Why didn't it work? And how should we respond when we fail or get rejected the next day?

• 27:32Speaker 04

  Well, it didn't work because you're so attached to the outcome. I coach a lot of athletes, I know you do as well. And one of the things, it's a really nuanced thing in life. It's great to have goals. You should have goals. I want to do this or that. But in the moment of execution, you have to separate from outcome in the moment that you're executing, and just be present and exist. I talk about this in the book. Here's what I would say, if you're going to win long term, ninety-five percent of people have an operating system in their mind where they operate out of history and memory.

• 27:59Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, oh, I like that.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  And about five percent of humans operate out of vision and imagination. So the reason we're so much happier, I believe, when we're children, is we have no history and memory. So we operate out of imagination and dreams and vision. But at some age, some people, it's five years old, some it's eight, some it's eighteen, some it's twenty-eight. They create a history, and that history then becomes the operating system. So even if they take on a new behavior or tactic, they're operating out of a pattern of thought and belief that's historic and memory-based. And so the number one thing I would say is, begin to operate out of your imagination again, out of your vision again. Create from that place. If you create from that place, now you're not tied to the result in that moment.

• 28:42Speaker 04

  You're giving yourself space to imagine and create something new in your life.

• 28:47Jay Shetty?

  That, I've never heard that in that language, man. That is so powerful.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 28:51Jay Shetty?

  You're so right about as kids, that we don't have any memory or history, so we don't have any blocks, we don't have any limits.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  And begin to listen to the people around you. People say, hey, you're the product of who you hang around. How do I know if they serve me or not? Here's one way to just deduce this, because they could be beautiful people who care about you, and they might even support you. But when you're with them, what are you, are you ever of those friends you're with them, you're like, you remember when, you remember, you remember, remember that party, remember that thing? And if your friends are constantly bringing you to the filtration system of memory and history all the time, think this through. How often are those friends saying, hey, what are you working on now? Where are you going? What's your vision? What do you want to create? And maybe that sounds hokey, but you and I have some of the, some of our, both our friends have the most amazing histories and you can't get them to talk about them.

• 29:39Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  You have to work, because what are they still doing? They're talking about now and where they're going. Their viewpoint in their life is being present and having a vision for the future.

• 29:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  A formula for misery, a formula for lack of creativity, lack of productivity, is constantly being history and memory. Even if it's good, it doesn't serve us. And for most of us, it's not good and we keep living from it or trying to move away from it. Create a new future, don't move away from the past. Create a brilliant, imaginative, curious, vibrant vision for your life.

• 30:12Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I love that. Yeah, we're always trying to create the same past.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 30:17Jay Shetty?

  As opposed to a new future.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  A new future.

• 30:19Jay Shetty?

  And I find that what's really interesting about that, all the studies show that nostalgia makes us believe that the past was more phenomenal than it actually was. If you remember that party you went to at college, it's better in your memory than it actually was. If you actually could have gone back and remembered how you felt hungover and what you broke a bone or whatever happened, but now in your memory, it's beautiful.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  Beautiful.

• 30:43Jay Shetty?

  So our memory also is slightly warped of the past.

• 30:46Speaker 04

  No question.

• 30:47Jay Shetty?

  It can make things feel much better or much worse sometimes.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  No question.

• 30:50Jay Shetty?

  But what's, what's really coming out for me right now is this idea that it's, it's something you said a couple of moments ago and, and it sparked a thought for me. I remember the story that Vanessa Bryant told about Kobe Bryant after he passed away. I was fortunate enough to interview him around three months before it, before his tragic passing. And she told this story and she said that Kobe would play through every injury. He would play through every pain. He would play through everything, even when the doctors and his coaches would say, "Stop playing." And she asked him, she said once, "Why he still plays?" Right? Again, going back to our curiosity, not assuming you know your partner.

• 31:32Jay Shetty?

  She asked him, "Why do you still play?" And this is just her and him. There's no cameras, there's no... She's telling this story, but at the time, it was just them two. He said, "It's because there's someone who's paid for a ticket today. They saved up, and this is the only time they're ever gonna be able to come. Maybe a son's... Maybe a dad's brought his kid. Maybe someone's come to the game. They're a lifelong fan. And they came today, and today's the only day they're gonna get to see me. And if I say I'm injured, they won't get to see me. So I'm gonna play so that that person

• 32:06Speaker 04

  That one person.

• 32:07Jay Shetty?

  gets to see me play. And then he goes and wins.

• 32:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 32:10Jay Shetty?

  And it's like, that's love.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  That's love.

• 32:12Jay Shetty?

  That's what you were saying.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  Love for something is in the present moment also, right? Love is not just for the past. And it's funny how important one day is, man. When my dad got sick, my dad got cancer. When he first got sick, he goes, "Hey, my dad was a dude." He goes, "Look, I'll fight this one time. Okay? I'll do your little chemo and your surgery, but I'm not gonna pour poison into my body. I'm not gonna lose my hair. I'm not gonna deteriorate. I'll give this thing a shot once. If it doesn't work, I'm out." That led to eight years of him fighting it.

• 32:41Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 32:41Speaker 04

  Chemo, radiation, proton therapy, surgery, surgery, chemo, experimental chemo. And he did lose his hair and he was in pain. And I'd say to my dad, I'd say, "Dad, you're suffering so much. You said you wouldn't suffer." He said, "No, Eddie, I'm in pain, but I'm not suffering. I choose not to suffer. And I'm not suffering because I get to see my grandkids again." And I said, "Dad, why are you doing this?" And he said, "You only understand the power of one day when you're threatened with never having another one." I'll do anything for one more day. Get to be with you one more time. Give your mom a kiss one more time. Maybe I'll see one of my granddaughters get married. And he goes, I'll do anything for one more day. The beautiful thing is, I was actually with Kobe

• 33:25Speaker 04

  a week before he passed away. We were in the same gym. Our daughters played volleyball. And ironically, that day, I watched Kobe walk out of the gym. There was only a couple dads left. It was late at night. He stayed and I stayed. And he had his youngest daughter in his arm and he was rubbing his other daughter's back. And I remember taking note of it because I was with Bella at the other end of the gym. And I remember thinking, I don't hug Bella enough. I need to hug, no joke, bro. It's in the book. I went, I gotta hug Bella one more time every day. Not just once a day. Plus one more time every day. My daughter's gonna get extra hugs because Kobe does that. What if I could have said to Kobe when he got in his car, Kobe,

• 34:08Speaker 04

  you have one more week, brother. Tell those that you love, you love them. Get it right. Whoever matters to you, make it right. Call your dad. Make it right. Call your mom. Call your family. What if the day before you could have said, Kobe, you have one day left? And my dad, same thing. I was with my dad when he had one day left. I was with my dad when he had one hour left. I was with my dad when he had one breath left. And when we begin to think of our life that way, the power of right now and having one more moment and one more minute is so beautiful. It's so blessed. It's so big. It's so amazing. Why would we spend that minute in history? Why would we spend that minute in the past

• 34:51Speaker 04

  when we could be fully present in creating a future? And so, you know, I think most people think, Jay, everyone else is gonna die. I think they just, I'm never, I'm not gonna die. Or they go, I'll get around to being happy. I'll get around to making my masterpiece of my life. I'll get around to my dreams. I'm gonna get around to fixing this relationship that's broken. I'm gonna get around to feeling those emotions. And then it's another day and another day. And they keep it in the distance until there are no more days. And I don't care if you're 18 years old listening to this, 28 or 48. We don't know if we have one more day. Or a hundred more days or a thousand more days. But we know this, there'll eventually be a time where we don't have any more days.

• 35:35Speaker 04

  And so why would we spend the ones that are coming, looking at the past? And so my dad really taught me those lessons in watching him pass away. And that's why I have so, I have a whole thing in there of how to get 21 days a week. Run many days. I get 21 days a week. We still measure time, bro, like it's 1900. Think about 1900. If I wanted to get you a note, I'd have to write a letter out, stick it on the back of a horse's button, 1850, 30 days later, you get it. That was a 24 hour day. Now I can text you in two seconds. We measure time the same way. So I teach you how to change your time so that you can make that day its maximum bliss. It's maximum productivity.

• 36:11Jay Shetty?

  What's, what's one more that you're working on right now?

• 36:15Speaker 04

  Right now, I'm actually, it's an interesting season of my life. I have a TV show that you know that I did with NBC that's called Change, that I think is, you know, has a chance of getting picked up. But my one more that I'm working on right now for me and my life is my peace. And so there's this guy Jay Shetty, that's a friend of mine that introduced me and my family to meditation. And I'm giving myself the gift, I don't just do it in the morning now. I've given myself the gift of one more time every single day of just emptying my mind and trying to be fully present. And it's been work for me. I've got that busy type of a mind. But I have found that my peace in my life. Most of us Jay have all these goals of things we want to do and they're wonderful.

• 37:00Speaker 04

  And I believe in doing that. I think standards are more important than goals because, and I teach you in this, the book, how to set the standards that'll get those goals. But we really don't, but we really don't want the jet. We don't want the hit song. We don't want the amazing relationship. We don't want the million dollars. We don't want the, we want how we think it'll make us feel.

• 37:18Ed Mylett?

  And what if we began to become more intentional and outcome oriented about the things we feel in our life? And it took me a while, but now that I'm older, when I feel strong, when I feel blissful, when I feel peaceful, is when I produce the physical things that I want, not the other way around. And so my one more is a more emotional focus. Most of us, and I'll come up for air here, have an emotional home. There's three or four or five emotions we experience on a regular basis. I write about it in the book. And no matter what happens, we find a way, even if they don't serve us, to get those emotions. If your emotional home is fear, anxiety, worry, depression, anger, you find a way every week to get that emotion. But what if that emotional home could become bliss and peace and joy and creativity and

• 38:03Ed Mylett?

  ecstasy? And so I'm working on one more beautiful emotion for my emotional home, and for me it's peace.

• 38:10Jay Shetty?

  I love that. I love that answer, man. It's good to hear about what you've been saying, like, we're not living in the past and you're like in the present, but to have you answer that question, that peace is your presence, like, that's what you're looking for. That's the present. And it shows that you're using this, like, it works, you're doing it time and time again. And I love what you said, it moves from the physical things into the subtle, into the emotional, into the deeper. I think that's so profound.

• 38:35Ed Mylett?

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• 39:18Ed Mylett?

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• 40:03Ed Mylett?

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• 40:35Jay Shetty?

  What was that one more that if you didn't do it, you wouldn't be here today? What was, what was one of those ones that like, ah, like that was the one that convinced me, apart from obviously your father, that you were like, ah, if I didn't do that, I wouldn't be Ed Mylett today. I wouldn't be maxed out life.

• 40:50Ed Mylett?

  My first, the first business I built was a financial business and I had had some success, Jay, like a lot of people do in life. And then it went backwards. And sometimes you get up the flagpole just a little bit and you come back down. That's an emotional difficulty. Could be a relationship that was good that's gone, or maybe it saved some money that's gone, maybe you lost a bunch of weight and got fit and you gained it back. For me, it was my business. And I called my dad, who's a pretty wise guy now that he was sober. And, uh, cause I could tell you, man, I'd do one more rep in the gym. I haven't done 10 reps on a bench press in 30 years. I've done 10 plus one more a lot though. I haven't done 45 minutes on a treadmill, but I've done 45 plus one more minute. 10 contacts a day? Never. 10 plus one more. But the biggest one more was actually something else. I called my dad and I said, hey dad, uh, it's not going.

• 41:35Ed Mylett?

  It, the, it's, the business is crashing and I'm, I'm running out of money. Our power was turned off. Our water was turned off, Jay. I had to take my wife every morning. We'd lost our house. We're living in an apartment now. Then the water got turned off. You can't cook, you can't bathe. There was a apartment building. We had an outdoor shower at the swimming pool.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  And I'd have to, we were newlyweds and I'd have to get up every morning, walk down there and I'd hold a towel up while my wife took her shower every day outdoors and brush her teeth. And then she'd switch and hold the towel up for me. And I'd walk back up to the apartment and I was so emasculated, so ashamed, so embarrassed. And I was living a nightmare, selling a dream to everybody every day. We can do this. A lot of entrepreneurs or people can relate in their life. And anyway, I called my dad that night and I said, I, I think I need to pack it in. I need to go get a job and just, I'm, this success thing is not, it's not for people like us.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  And my dad goes, Eddie, you don't have to decide you're never gonna quit. He goes, just don't quit for one more day. See how you feel tomorrow. I go, Dad? He goes, just, just don't do it for one more day. And I got the next day and I still wanted to quit, but not quite as much. And then I went one more day and one more day and I found myself about 30 days later, I didn't wanna quit anymore. And thank God, the one more I did was, I went one more day without quitting. And I'm so grateful I didn't quit on my dream.

• 43:04Jay Shetty?

  Oh, Ed, wow, that is like, oh my gosh, man, like, you just, everything you're just dropping right now, I'm just like, I hope everyone is taking notes. If you haven't been taking notes, I want you to take a screenshot right now of where we're at right now, cause that's what you're gonna have to listen to again. So take a screenshot, share it, tell everyone to go to this segment, listen to that over again, because I think what I'm hearing, you know, is that this is, this is a lifestyle. Like this is a mindset, it's a lifestyle, it's an everyday, every moment way to live. This isn't just in the big business you're building. This is me telling my wife, I love her, one more time. This is me making sure, I messaged my mom one more time. It's me making sure that when I'm sitting here with you, I'm always gonna have to ask you one more question.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  I will never end.

• 43:50Jay Shetty?

  You keep giving so much, no, but you keep giving so, well, that's what you just said, it will never end. I think that people feel like they tried a lot and then they start building up resentment and like pain and bitterness towards that path. And a lot of people also that I know, they just think that there are some people are meant to be.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  I agree with this.

• 44:12Jay Shetty?

  And then there are some people that are not meant to be.

• 44:16Speaker 04

  That's correct.

• 44:16Jay Shetty?

  And they carry that with them and it comes from this like, oh yeah, you were meant to be this. Or that person was meant to have it. But for me, this is where, and I heard that kind of come up in what you were saying to your dad, like, it doesn't happen to people like us. How does this rule, how does this principle apply to someone who's in that?

• 44:33Speaker 04

  Brother, best question ever. Because I grew up with no, you have alcoholic dad or a drug addict, or maybe you come from divorce. Or maybe your parents just didn't love you enough, whatever it was, didn't tell you they loved you enough. It's hard to have self-confidence. And I was a little guy, I got bullied in school and I just, and even at this age now, bro, I, I, if I'm being completely honest, self-confidence, we all teach that it's, you know, part of keeping the promises you make to yourself. But what if you raise the standard a little higher? You keep the promises you make to yourself, plus one more. Because for me, self-confidence didn't come easy. I think in life, ultimately you're gonna get what you believe you deserve. And if you're wound up, wired like me, I didn't think I deserved a lot.

• 45:17Speaker 04

  I didn't even have a dad who could stop drinking, right? I wasn't six foot four. I don't have an incredibly high IQ. There's nothing really that impressive about me, nor were people very impressed with me most of my life. So that was my pattern, that was my history, that was my memory. And so the only, I could wait around until I developed tremendous self-confidence, or I could begin to do things every day that were small, they're not major. And over time, when I did those one more calls, that one more meeting, that one more book I read, that one more podcast, not only am I doing more reps, so the likelihood of me being successful is bigger, but I started to convince myself, I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  Maybe I deserve things other people aren't gonna get. And slowly but surely, I started to convince myself, I did deserve it based on what I was doing, not necessarily the caliber of my talent.

• 46:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  And that was the difference.

• 46:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you, you just, there's a thought I've been having recently and it's that comfort creates self-care.

• 46:21Jay Shetty?

  But discomfort creates self-respect.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  Oh, boy, I love that.

• 46:25Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like, it's what you're saying.

• 46:27Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 46:27Jay Shetty?

  That the one more discomfort every day.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 46:31Jay Shetty?

  That's where self-respect comes from.

• 46:32Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 46:33Jay Shetty?

  You don't.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  Great term.

• 46:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you don't, you don't start to trust yourself or build self-esteem or believe in yourself because you just say it to yourself. It's coming, what you just said, you go out there and take one more meeting and see what you learn. You go out there and take one more risk, one more discomfort.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  And I guarantee you, if you have a successful or happy friend, whichever, how you determine that, and you ask them this, they'd tell you that we're right.

• 46:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  They would tell you, gosh, that's right.

• 46:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:58Speaker 04

  It's right. And the difference between winning and losing, happiness and sadness, is so small, it's almost, it's almost scary to talk about. But the good news is, I think I kind of know what it is, and it's this one more.

• 47:09Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. The people that I know that are the most successful and happy have more uncomfortable conversations.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  Agreed.

• 47:16Jay Shetty?

  They have more uncomfortable days. They have more discomfort in their lives.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  Yes, totally agree with that.

• 47:21Jay Shetty?

  But selected discomfort. But one of the other things that I'm asking from now, I'm like going into like the people that I know that, that I'm, I'm thinking about, I can see their faces, and, and I want them to know that I'm asking for them. A lot of the time, one more in the wrong direction.

• 47:37Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 47:38Jay Shetty?

  Can also be really misguided. Sometimes, uh, people, and I know you're a person of faith too, and so, so we can touch on this. Sometimes we're climbing the mountain and we keep doing one more. But we're actually going further away from who we are, who we want to be.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:00Jay Shetty?

  Our faith, our partners, right? We've, we know people who've built multi-billion dollar companies but lost their kids.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 48:07Jay Shetty?

  Or they've become famous and rich, but they've. Uh, their partner cheated on them, you know, like really painful stuff. And you know, people who didn't do all of that, that's happened too. Like it's, it's both ways. How does one use one more and make sure it's in the right direction?

• 48:23Speaker 04

  Such a great question. I, I'm doing this now regularly because I've made some of those mistakes of just. And what I do is I check in with myself one more time. Meaning it's important to ask yourself, what matters to me now? See, if you had this conversation 20 years ago, the things that mattered to me then are so different than what mattered to me now. But a lot of us keep operating out of what used to. Maybe you've achieved or pursuing a dream and it's really truly no longer your dream. It's no longer your dream. It's when I was young, listen, if we're gonna do a podcast, you say, hey, I need you on the show. People are gonna love you, you're gonna get recognition, you're gonna get, you're gonna get all this acknowledgement. And that would have been my hot button, my need, you know, I believe in the six human needs.

• 49:06Speaker 04

  My need was significance and recognition and there's nothing wrong with that. It's wonderful. And so that's the button to get me to move would be significance, recognition. Well, I've been blessed the last 30 years or so of my life to have a beautiful abundance of significance and recognition. It's no longer what fills me. Now you get me to do an interview, you go, hey, I really think we could help some people. My big button in my life now is contribution. There was another stage in my life, it's still there, but hey, if you go there, you'll grow. I still wanna grow, but I know me now, right now, I'm in a season of my life. That's contribution, it's giving, it's what fills my heart. And I think it's checking in with yourself one more time, what matters to me now?

• 49:50Speaker 04

  What do I want now? What's important to me now? What season, maybe you're in a season where you need to rest. Maybe your spirit and everything about you is telling you, hey, it's time to feed you again, it's time to recharge. If that's the season, then answer that call. Don't play out of a past playbook. And so for me, that's the season I'm in now. And I'm sure that in five or eight more years, you know, there'll be something else. But I regularly, on a monthly basis, you recommend it in your book so beautifully about your relationship. Checking in, you have these strategies you teach about weekly and monthly and quarterly and yearly with your partner of checking in with them. I also recommend you check in with yourself, what matters to you now?

• 50:30Speaker 04

  And so for me, it's a matter of checking in now so that I don't lose my family in the pursuit of my business or lose me.

• 50:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:37Speaker 04

  Lose me, who am I anymore? And I've had times where I'm like. This doesn't feel like me anymore.

• 50:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  And I had at least the ability to at least acknowledge that and make a change.

• 50:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I love that you brought up seasons because I feel like no one and on planet Earth, we don't have the power to change the season. But you have the power to live the season well.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 51:00Jay Shetty?

  You can either be in the right now, it's been raining, right, wherever we are. It's been pouring down with rain, there's all this effort, you could carry an umbrella. Well, you can tell how I'm dressed, I'm definitely not dressed in my usual gear.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  Right.

• 51:12Jay Shetty?

  Because I'm dressed for the rain, I'm prepared.

• 51:14Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 51:14Jay Shetty?

  Because that's all I can do, I can't make the rain switch off, I can't stop it, right? Like I can't do that.

• 51:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:20Jay Shetty?

  And so I love hearing that you're just learning how to thrive in the season. And so if your season's telling you to rest, you can't force the season. And you have to live it through, you have to experience.

• 51:31Speaker 04

  You know, I think you have to remember one thing, man, I think it's as easy as a person to forget this. And I just would love to say this because you have such an amazing reach.

• 51:38Ed Mylett?

  Very short intermission here, folks, I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes, you'll never miss an episode that way. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So today I've got a really difficult question for you. Is your will to win for sale? You know, I really believe that of all the things it comes down to in life about winning and making our lives the masterpiece that we want them to be. I really believe will has a lot to do with it. And the people that I've been around in my life, they have strong faith, obviously. But there's a part of them that has this will to win, this will to want to be somebody. That's extraordinary. And for most people in life, I think when they take enough failure, enough setbacks,

• 52:23Ed Mylett?

  they will sell their will to win. You know, it's an interesting thing in life about winning, I just want to discuss this with you today, you know. You have to really decide right now and early on in the journey that you can't be bought. You can't be bought with enough success and you can't be bought with enough failure. Most people at the end of the day quit on their dreams, usually because there's just so much rejection and so much failure and so much letdown. You know, I would love to tell you that winning is pretty and that making your dreams come true for your family is beautiful. But man, I gotta tell you, on the journey for me, there was so many setbacks. So many times I thought I had it going and then I didn't. I thought we were gonna make it and then maybe we weren't.

• 53:08Ed Mylett?

  So many people that I thought would be there at the end that weren't. There were people like you probably have had in your life that you really, really trusted that then let you down and hurt you. Dark nights, sleepless nights, some really difficult mornings with a lot of anxiety and trepidation. You know, if you're gonna win, you're gonna carry the emotional burden of your business, of your family. And sometimes that burden emotionally, just over time, is so difficult to carry that most people will surrender their will. You know, I really believe that winning has a lot to do with your will to win. It's not always just, you know, having the right strategy or the right people in place, although you can't win without them.

• 53:50Ed Mylett?

  But at some point, it comes down to grit and desire and toughness and resiliency and relentlessness. And I call all of those things will. But for most people with enough of it, enough setbacks, enough things, they'll just sell their family's dreams up the river. They'll call it something else, don't they? Well, I didn't get along with somebody, or there was this setback, or the economy changed, or this person screwed me over, or whatever the story is that we come up with, all which could be valid. But at some point, basically what you're saying is all of that was too much and so I've sold my family's dreams up the river. And I say it to you that harshly because I want, when it comes for you, for you to avoid it that strongly, that I won't let you create a word game. That makes you feel like it's okay to take an out,

• 54:34Ed Mylett?

  you know, take the door in the back there and get out of here and quit on your dream. That's not what you were born to do. That's not what it was designed for. Part of the game of this winning thing, part of the game of changing your family forever, part of the game of changing how you feel about yourself is really difficult. And it's going to come with all of those things I described and more and shocking setbacks. Every couple, two or three years, it's gonna be a day where you go, my gosh, right? Like, that's going to happen. And for most people, at one point, they just go, that's enough. That's enough. And that's why so few people win, because theirs is for sale. See, what I would recommend you do is negotiate the price tag in advance. See, I believe the price you will pay to make your dream come true, your vision for your life come true,

• 55:19Ed Mylett?

  is infinitely less than the price you will pay if you don't. The price you pay if you don't make your dream happen, your vision for your life, is you live with that forever. And that price, I would never be willing to pay. I'll pay any other price as long as it's legal, ethical, and moral, because the price you will pay to make that dream come true is so worth it. And it is so much less than the price of living with losing forever, with the life you don't deserve, with the people that you don't want around you, with the, all of your music still in you. So many people pass away with all their best music in them still, because of the setbacks, or the criticisms, or the, the things that just didn't go their way, or their fears holding them back.

• 56:03Ed Mylett?

  You know, the price tags of life are interesting. See, successful people negotiate worth, whether something is worth it, not what the price is or the expense is. If you're focused on the expense, you're always in a really difficult place. I'll give you an example. This is a metaphor, but it makes sense. When I had no money, Right, which was most of my life. When I would walk into a store, I wouldn't get what I wanted in the store. I would get what I thought I could afford. And so what did I do? I flipped the price tags over. I didn't always just get what I wanted. I would, what's the cost? What's the cost? What's the cost? What's the cost? I'm sure you've done that as well. It's just really one of the real things in life. What's it cost? I wouldn't get the jacket in there I wanted based on what it cost.

• 56:48Ed Mylett?

  So that's a scarcity mindset, right? And so instead, when I became a wealthy person, I'm able to walk in that store and get the one that's worth it. What's the one worth it? And in our lives, when we're operating from a weak position, we're operating from a poverty mindset, we're constantly negotiating the price tag of like, what's it gonna cost me? What's it gonna cost me? What's it gonna cost me? And we focus so much on what it's costing us, the pain we're going through, the price we're paying. We're constantly focused on the price we're paying, that eventually we just go, I can't, I can't do it. The cost is too great. If you're focused on the cost, you'll eventually lose because the cost is so extraordinary. But if you switch that subtly and say, is it worth the price? Is it worth it?

• 57:30Ed Mylett?

  You focus more off the cost and onto its worth, then you got it. And so let me ask you, what's your family worth? What are your dreams worth? What's the pride of living the life that you've dreamed of worth to you? And once you focus on the worth, you'll probably pay any price. You'll go through any cost. But you have to negotiate, in my opinion, that price in advance. I think if you wait till you're in the middle of it, you're in big trouble. And so I would challenge you today to negotiate the price you're willing to pay in advance, whatever it is. And then the negotiation is over. So decide now what price you're willing to pay or not pay for your family.

• 58:14Ed Mylett?

  And just be honest about it. There's a certain place where I'm gonna sell my family's dreams up the river. You know what? I'm just gonna give up. And that's what most people do. Like they, like I said, they call it something else. They frame it differently. They create a story that makes them feel okay about it. By the way, the only reason I know this is I've done it myself on several different things. This guy screwed me over here. That one let me down. Ah, you know, timing wasn't right. Right? Whatever. The bottom line is, is that the price became too great for me. Had I negotiated that price in advance, maybe that would have never happened. So if you focus on what it's costing you all the time, which is what you're doing and you know it, it's costing me this time. It's costing me this money. It's costing me this experience. It's costing me this. It's costing me that. You're probably gonna lose. But if you start to focus on, is it worth it?

• 58:58Ed Mylett?

  Is the price I'm paying worth it? Then you got it. Why does that also matter? Negotiating the price as you're going through the battle in life, takes all your energy and your focus. Isn't it constantly a drain on you? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? You're asking yourself this all the time. How do I know? It's what most people do that are trying to do something great. Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Right? What's it costing me? What's it costing me? You're constantly negotiating. It takes all your energy. It takes all your focus. And so the bottom line is, it's better to just to decide today. And I would just ask you, what's your family worth? What are your dreams worth? What's your life worth? What price are you not willing to pay? Hopefully you don't want to do something illegal or unethical or immoral to do it. But beyond that,

• 59:40Ed Mylett?

  what's the price you're willing to pay? And get clear on it and then just stop negotiating it. Stop doing that thing back and forth, those mental gymnastics that you know exactly what I'm talking about. And just decide, I'm gonna win. I'm going to pursue this. Whatever comes my way, I've already negotiated in advance. So although it might be shocking or really painful, I already negotiated that price. I already negotiated it. One of the cool things for me, like in my faith, is I know the price has already been negotiated for me. Right? Like it's already been negotiated. I didn't have to do it. Remember this, change only happens when love is greater than your fear. When love is greater than you price you're paying, what I believe you have to do is you have to start to attach yourself to the love you have for other people.

• 1:00:24Ed Mylett?

  That love, because you're such a good person, is so much greater than the adversity that will come your way. But what happens when adversity comes, we detach from our love for our family, for ourselves, from the people that we want to help. And the love part gets diminished and the fear and pain part gets increased. See, you show me anybody with a big old dream with enough reasons to win, and I will show you somebody who's going to win. I believe more than anything in life, having big, giant, compelling reasons why you want to win. The why is so much greater than the how or the what. The why is. And relentlessly focusing on that. When the why is big enough, you'll go through the how and you'll figure out the what.

• 1:01:06Ed Mylett?

  Right? But in, in most cases in life, we don't attach those two things. People say to me all the time, "I'm not even sure what will motivate me." I can tell you, do you want to know the two things that'll motivate you in your life? I'm gonna give them to you right now. You always go, "I lack motivation. I lack inspiration." I can tell you what they are. They're your dreams or other people. Those are the two great motivators in life. Usually, most good people won't do very much stuff for themselves. They just won't. They're too giving. They want to change other people's lives. They love other people. They put other people first. Those are the people that ultimately win long-term. So the two things that will motivate you are your dreams, what your vision is for your life, and other people. Those of you that have children, are you really willing to quit on them? Are you?

• 1:01:49Ed Mylett?

  If you have parents that you love, are you really willing to quit on them? Or do you love them more than any adversity that will come your way? Could you negotiate the price in advance, say, "Listen, it's worth it because my mom is worth it. It's worth it because my children are worth it. It's worth it because my God is worth it. It's worth it because I'm worth it. It's worth it because my dream is worth it. It's worth it because if I make this happen, I can change all these other people's lives and those lives are worth the price I'm paying." Once you have the thing and the reason, the love for what you want, now you've got the negotiation handled because that is greater than the price. But when this isn't focused on, when the price is greater than the love, when it's greater than the dream,

• 1:02:31Ed Mylett?

  it's difficult. So one of the examples of that that I've talked about before is Bella's Wedding Day. Number one key from Bella's Wedding Day story from many years ago, 20 years ago, why matters most?

• 1:02:44Ed Mylett?

  You show me somebody with a big enough why, a big enough reason, I will show you somebody who will solve for how to do it, for what to do. I will promise you that. Why is the most important thing. You give a father a story like not being there and the picture, the mental picture in my mind of some strange man that I've never met before, having that first dance and walking Bella down the aisle on her wedding day, I'll do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. I'll do anything to be there. And I can tell you, I've done just about anything. In fact, my doctors that I'm with right now, part of that journey of staying healthy, where I found both of them, Gabrielle and Amy, is because I want to be there on that day and beyond.

• 1:03:25Ed Mylett?

  One of the reasons I'm willing to take this sort of downshift to some extent is, yes, I'd love to help more people, and yes, I'm going to contribute, and yes, we've got one of the number one podcasts in the world, and I'm one of the top speakers, and my businesses are growing, and all that matters, and I want to help all kinds. I want to continue to help millions of people that I've been blessed to help, but not more than I want to be there for Bella's wedding day. And so, number one key is why matters most. And if you say, I don't know what my why is, I can tell you, let me give you a hack to find your why. Your why will always be your dreams, whatever your dreams are, or other people. Whys can be distilled down always into dreams or other people, doing something for other people that you love, or proving people wrong.

• 1:04:07Ed Mylett?

  And what I will tell you, under the why, is that love is the biggest force in the world. My will to win is not for sale. So that's why I get up and I work out, that's why I try to do the nutritional program, that's why I'm taking this break from social media and reducing my travel schedule, because my dream is to be at Bella's wedding day, and my will to win is not for sale on that. I've got to be there. There's no negotiation for me. It's get up and work out, it's make sure you take the right nutritional supplements. It's if the doctors say, slow down, Ed, and take a break for a while, I do it. There's no negotiation, because I belong in that dream. I belong there with Bella on her wedding day. And I like to get to the heart of it, guys. Like, I think the more we water down the reason, the easier it is to have the price take us out.

• 1:04:49Ed Mylett?

  Listen, as I've been doing this video or audio with you, thousands of people quit on their dreams, thousands of people quit on their vision. Every single day, thousands and thousands of people quit on something. And the reason they quit is the price got too great. And by the way, that's okay, as long as you've already done the negotiation. But I have a feeling that if I asked you again really closely, how much if your parents are still here, do you want to make them proud of you or take care of them? How about your children? Or your spouse, these people that you love the most? Maybe it's none of them, maybe you have a grandparent who that when you were a little boy or a little girl, really believed in you, really saw greatness in you. And you want to honor them and make them proud of you

• 1:05:34Ed Mylett?

  as they've gone to heaven and they're looking down on you and you want to make sure that you really prove them right. Right? I won't let you not focus on that today. Because if I can get you focused on these people you love or these great visions for your life, I think that that is greater than the price you'll pay. And so, I want to ask you that today one more time. Are you willing to quit on them? Are you willing to give in? Really, the only way you can lose in this life is to quit. Only way you can lose is to quit. Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't pivot, innovate, course correct, those aren't, that's not quitting. That's the pursuit of something and saying, listen, what I'm doing isn't working. The definition of insanity is do the same thing over and over again, expect a different result. I've got to innovate, I've got to pivot, I've got to get a different strategy.

• 1:06:19Ed Mylett?

  Clearly, I think you should be doing that. That's what my show is all about, is about strategy and innovation and progress. But the truth of the matter is, most people aren't totally committed to their dreams. They're not, they're going to stick their toe in it. I'll stick my toe in it, as long as it's not too painful, doesn't get too difficult, too uncomfortable, take too much from me, be too inconvenient, then I'll pursue it. But if it gets too inconvenient, too difficult, too uncomfortable, eh, I'll give in. Let me give you a secret. People ask me all the time about the people that have been on my show that are some of the greatest achievers in life. What do they have in common? And I'm going to be candid with you. Here's what they have in common. They don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all figured out.

• 1:07:01Ed Mylett?

  Um, most everybody frankly is pretty screwed up to some extent or another. And we're all just trying to get through this life and figure it out. What they also have in common is they didn't quit on their dreams. And the reason they didn't quit on their dreams is their love of their dream, their love of other people was greater than their fears for their inadequacies. But I can tell you that we all feel inadequate. We all don't feel prepared. We're all sort of faking it to some extent, aren't we in our lives? And I know that shocks most people, but I think it should give you hope. They don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all figured out. But what I have figured out is that I'm willing to go into situations I'm ill-prepared for because I want to win for the people I love so much. I want to win for me. I want to win for God. I want to do something great with my life.

• 1:07:45Ed Mylett?

  And so although I don't have it figured out completely, I don't have all the answers and neither does anybody that's been on my show. Anybody you've seen on this show as my guest, most of them don't have the vast majority of it figured out, but they're better at pretending they do. And to the extent that they are good at stepping into spaces they aren't prepared for, but that they can kind of pretend they're prepared for. They've got this belief in themselves that if I can get in the room, I will figure it out from there. You know, if you had to know everything required to win in life, the truth of the matter is you probably would never get started. If Henry Ford started Ford Motor Company and said, I have to know everything for the next hundred years for this company, he would have never got started. I mean, who, who's supposed to repair these cars? There's nowhere to repair them because there's no dealerships yet. There's no mechanics.

• 1:08:30Ed Mylett?

  What about all the stuff for the tires? You know, how are we going to fix these things? Where are they all going to get fuel from? What are we going to do when there's emission standards? These things didn't even exist then. He couldn't think through every logical problem. He had to just get started. If Steve Jobs and Wozniak, when they started Apple, which was basically a board company, would have thought about, well, what do the internet comes? What about this iPhone phone software? What about the Mac? What about, they could never think about all of those things. Things evolve. You just get into the next room and you evolve, right? You get into the next space and you evolve. So you don't have to know everything. By the way, no one you see that's successful knows everything, but they do have this ability that when they get in the room, they're not negotiating the price anymore. They're negotiating their way into the next room. They're negotiating their way to the next level.

• 1:09:15Ed Mylett?

  They're willing to take the heat and the adversity. And then the other thing is this, you've got to resell yourself regularly on the dream. You know, once you have a dream, and you know what I'm talking about, some of you are years into yours, right? Maybe you've just got to resell yourself on the dream. What it's going to mean when you get there? What it's going to look like? How amazing it's going to be? Project into the future. Listen, an idle mind really, really is in pain. It's in jeopardy. But a mind who's saying, "I'm fully focused in the present, but man, the future looks so bright. The future's amazing. It's going to be incredible when we get there. Everything's going to be different. We're going to have great change. Our family's never going to be the same. We're going to get to go to this vacation and see this thing and help that many people and feel that emotion and have that memory." The truth of the matter is that your dreams in your life are not a hallucination.

• 1:10:00Ed Mylett?

  I believe they're a gift from God that is a glimpse into what's possible. It's like a possibility projection for your life is when you look into the future. Dreaming is free, yet most people don't take advantage of it. Or they did it once, but they haven't resold themselves the dream again. Maybe you need to go touch your dream. Take a weekend somewhere where you get clear on, "This is where we'd love to live," or "This is what we'd love to drive," or "This is how I'd love to serve in our church." And just take a Wednesday and serve one day in your church and resell yourself. You know, most of life, the truth is, is really selling yourself on things. You're selling yourself something right now. You're selling yourself your worries and your fears, and you're selling yourself the story of how big a trouble you could be in if this doesn't work out.

• 1:10:45Ed Mylett?

  It's a sales pitch you're doing on yourself, aren't you? It's a story you're telling yourself. There's a narrative that you're starting to speak to yourself. So is the other one. It's reselling yourself on the dream, on the story, on the narrative of where you're going and what it's going to look like. I just feel like in life, a better life is to sell yourself on the future. Sell yourself on how great it's going to be when you get there. Learning to live fully present in the moment. Let me say something. When you're negotiating the price, you're not present.

• 1:11:17Ed Mylett?

  You've projected into the future, more pain, more difficulty. You're not in the present. So if you've negotiated it already and you blocked that off in your mind, you go, I've already decided I'll pay that price. I've already negotiated that. That's already happened for me. Then and only then can you sell yourself on where you're going and what it's going to like, look like when you get there. And when I say resell yourself, I'm a big believer that you need to touch your dreams. And so I said this a minute ago, but I want you to understand it. You gotta sell yourself on stuff. So like, for example, like where I ended up living in my life, I would take a little vacation there on a weekend for like one night. I'll never forget this. I wanted to live in Dana Point Laguna Beach, California, that area.

• 1:11:57Ed Mylett?

  And so when I would have a win in my business, I would go to one night at the Ritz Carlton in Dana Point Laguna Beach. Just one night there. And I never had been anywhere like that in my entire life. And I had the feeling of driving up to the valet in my not so great car at the time. But I remember just the feeling, it may sound hokey, but given the valet my keys and Mr. Mylett, are you staying here? Yes, your name, Mylett. Great. You write Mylett. I'll never forget the first time the guy wrote Mylett on the valet tag and he gave it back to me. I saw my name, Ritz Carlton Laguna Niguel. Or Laguna Beach. And then it said, Mylett. And I remember putting that in my pocket. And I remember walking into the lobby and like the marble floor. I was like, oh my gosh, this is incredible.

• 1:12:42Ed Mylett?

  And I'd watch how other people walked and talked that belonged there because I didn't feel like I belonged there. And then I checked into the hotel and I remember back in those days, I would go play golf just to be around successful people. You know, my wife would go get a massage and lay out at the pool and then we'd have a nice dinner and I would just touch that dream just for one night. Maybe every eight weeks, just one night. But what started to happen is I started after time, over time going, I belong here. I belong here. I became comfortable in that dream and our mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. And then I remember the first speech I gave being super uncomfortable, but I remember the more I did it, the more I felt like I belong here. I'm comfortable here. I moved towards what I was familiar with.

• 1:13:25Ed Mylett?

  And it's interesting, the other place that I would go take my many vacations was to the desert, to the Palm Springs La Quinta area of California. And I would go out to this one resort called the La Quinta Resort and I couldn't afford to be there for more than one night, but I'd get a deal on the room, you know, and I would just touch that dream for a night. I remember going, wow, these desert nights are so amazing. And then we'd go out there maybe like three months later, but I would touch that dream three or four times a year and I would touch the other one. Do you know that later in life, for many, many years, those are the two places that I lived. I lived in the, I lived in that area and I lived in the other one. And I really believe it's because I had touched that dream over and over again. Maybe your dream isn't anything like that. Maybe it's to be, you know, full time in the charity or full time in your church.

• 1:14:06Ed Mylett?

  Go take a day off and serve and just feel like it. Maybe do that every three or four months if you can and touch the dream. Because we move towards what we're most familiar with and we get in life what we believe we deserve and where we believe we belong. And so long term, if you're doing this negotiation thing, you just don't believe you belong there. And at some point, there's going to be enough pain that's going to prove you right. You're gonna go, I knew I didn't belong here. I knew this wasn't for me. I knew this was for other people. I knew I'm an imposter. I knew I was faking it. What am I crazy? And I have to tell you, I have this happen all the time. Like, I, I have something I'm doing right now in my life. It's a very major project. It's a, it's a property that I'm developing.

• 1:14:47Ed Mylett?

  And there's a lot of difficulty with it. And every time that difficulty comes up, I go, what am I doing? Am I crazy? That's not for me. That's for someone way wealthier, way more successful than me. Like, and I have this thing where like I want to surrender. Right? I'm, I'm negotiating it. So I'm not perfect at this stuff. And so a lot of times when adversity strikes, it's like proving you right. The price is too great. The price is too great. I'm literally going through this right now with something and I have to remind myself, I'm reselling myself on the future. I'm actually today, tomorrow I go visit that place just to resell myself on the dream of being there. Just to resell myself on the vision. Cause it's so easy. When you have a vision and a dream,

• 1:15:29Ed Mylett?

  right? And you have it. So you establish a plan and a goal and then you start going through the stuff. And you feel like further and further away from the vision and the dream and why you did it in the first place and the inspiration behind it. And you're more and more focused on the price. So today's podcast, I literally designed for me, right? It's the price. I'm like, gosh, it's taking a toll on me physically. It's taken a toll on me emotionally, right? Financially, yet it's my dream. It's my dream. And so I've got to come back and go, I, I love this dream. I love the experiences I'll have with my friends and family more than the price right now. Stop negotiating the price, Ed. You already negotiated this price. Your love for these people in this place and the memories that'll happen there are greater than your fears and your worries.

• 1:16:14Ed Mylett?

  And then I'm reselling myself by going back because our mind moves towards what we're most familiar with. So if we're most familiar with our fears and our worries and our concerns, we're going to move towards it. It's like a magnet. Thoughts are magnets. They pull us towards what we're focused on. So it's very dangerous to focus on all the pain, all the price, all the cost, all the time. Cause you're going to move towards more of it. But if you focus on how worth it, it is, remember this cost versus worth, right? Then you can say, my will to win is not for sale. I can't be bought. You can't be bought with enough success and it can't be bought with enough failure. You know, many people are bought with success. They have a dream, they get a little bit of it and then they're bought. Their will's gone. They don't want to work like they used to work because they've got a little taste of success. They got a little taste of progress.

• 1:16:59Ed Mylett?

  Those people end up paying a greater price later when it goes backwards and they have to start all over again. So don't let success take your will to win and don't let failure take your will to win. I think basically today, my message to you was you've got to decide right now what you're willing to pay for a price and not. And once you've decided it, don't revisit it. Don't revisit it. Just make the decision that you're going to will this to happen. Get some prayer about it. Get some clarity about it. Feel like you've got a conviction over it. You know, get your mind empty, meditate a little bit, get clear and then ask yourself, is this really my dream? And if it is, start reselling yourself all the time on that dream, that it's worth it, that you belong there. I'm going to say something to you that I want you to never forget.

• 1:17:41Ed Mylett?

  You belong in your dreams, your big, bold, God-sized dreams. Those aren't hallucinations. Those are visions of what's possible in your life. And I want to tell you, I believe you belong in those dreams. You do not belong in your fears. You do not belong in the negotiation. You do not belong in your worries. You belong in your dreams, the big ones and the small ones, but I think especially the big God-sized dreams. And most of those dreams are how you want to feel about yourself. The emotions you want to experience, the memories you want to have, I believe are the things that most matter to us. It's not the thing or the house or the this. It's how we want to feel. And I believe you deserve to feel that way about you and never give in to a price that tells you you're not willing to do it

• 1:18:26Ed Mylett?

  or worthy of having it in your life. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show.

• 1:18:41Jim Kwik?

  People hear a lot on podcasts or in books about goal setting. And you know, one of the challenges when people set out to achieve their goals in their career, in their relationships, in their body, in their, in their, in their health, in their bank account, they might feel overwhelmed, right? And so why, why do so many people feel overwhelmed when they, when they approach goal setting?

• 1:19:02Ed Mylett?

  Well, one, I don't think we get our goals long-term. I think we get our standards. So I think we probably get 20, 25% of our goals statistically, that's probably barren to be true. But we always eventually get our standards. Eventually you're going to get your standards. So if your standard is just to do the basic, you're going to get a basic life. If your standard is to do the one more, you're going to get the one more. And I actually don't think you are overwhelmed. I think that's a notion that you've created in your mind because what starts to happen is when our results begin to exceed our identity, we start to experience a bunch of emotions that don't serve us, that try to confuse us, try to make us feel overwhelmed, try to make us feel lacked, unprepared, not ready for something. And all that is, is your identity is like a thermostat setting, sitting on the wall. I cover this in the book and it sets the temperature of your life. So if your success identity is set at 75 or happiness

• 1:19:47Ed Mylett?

  and your results begin to exceed that identity, you get 80, 90, 100 degrees worth of results, you unconsciously turn the air conditioner on of your life and cool it back down to what you believe you're worth. Well, how do you do that? You start feeling overwhelmed. You start creating chaos. You start thinking it's circumstantial. No, no, no. You know, I was doing well financially, but then I had to make this loan or the market changed or the economy changed. No, no. You turned the air conditioner on and you started to feel overwhelmed, even though it didn't really exist. Because your results exceeded your identity. So the key is raising that identity thermostat in our lives so that we never have those emotions.

• 1:20:24Jim Kwik?

  I love that. Identity thermostat.

• 1:20:26Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:20:27Jim Kwik?

  And that also implies that we take responsibility for where we are, that we are setting the, we are changing the environment all the time, you know, for, for something that is for us or something that could be disabling us also.

• 1:20:41Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I feel like what it is, is our filter. So the environment is set what it is, but we have this filter in our lives, this RAS, as you know, in the brain. I, I call it the matrix, which I know you know those guys. So this is right up your alley, but I call it the matrix. And the matrix is where you can slow things down. And your, your reticular activating system in your brain is essentially the place that reveals to you what's most important to you in your life and filters out the things that aren't. So you can be sane. So I just bought a Tesla. I like what Musk is doing. I'm like, let's get a Tesla. So I get this Tesla plat. Jim, within a day, when I'm driving this thing, I'm seeing Teslas everywhere on the freeway. They're everywhere. White Tesla, honey. Hey, look, red one. Three lanes over going the other direction on the highway. I'm like, babe, black Tesla. Right? Here's the thing. Those

• 1:21:25Ed Mylett?

  Teslas were always in the environment. What happens is they've been screened into my RAS. So I see them now. So what if theoretically, our Teslas of our lives become those relationships, those decisions, those meetings that we have to have in order to change our life? In other words, we get programmed in our RAS to see the things in the environment that were always there, hear the things that were always there, but now have become important to us. And they, that's like the law of attraction explained actually in the brain of how you do it. So it's using the RAS.

• 1:21:55Jim Kwik?

  Because primarily our brain is deleting everything. It only lets things in. It's the RAS lets in, it's interesting, our name, when we hear our name.

• 1:22:02Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 1:22:02Jim Kwik?

  Because it has part of our identity and lets in threats, because that's a part of survival, opportunities for procreation, because that's also passing on your genes. But yeah, the, the, the things that you value and the things that you're, you're asking questions about and you start seeing those Teslas everywhere. So clearly then the standards are more important than, than the goals.

• 1:22:22Ed Mylett?

  That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest.

• 1:22:32Speaker 06

  Going back to earlier in your life. Your athletic career, so we have that in common, right? College sports and your athletic career, I can tell looking at you just jacked and still in amazing shape, but your career was cut short by an injury. Can you share more about what athletics meant to you and then how you felt when it got cut short based on getting hurt?

• 1:22:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, athletics for me was the only place, man, where I felt

• 1:23:00Speaker 02

  any confidence. When you're raised with anxiety or you know dysfunction, your family dysfunction could be they didn't love you, didn't tell you they loved you enough, they didn't give you enough water, you know, fighting divorce bankruptcy. You know, one version of child neglect is a parent not chasing their dream. It's a form of neglect. It's an insidious one that most people don't appreciate, but a parent not living their full potential installs that software in that child. That's a form of neglect if you're a parent. And so when my career ended, it probably ended something that would have ended anyway. You know, quite frankly, it's a hidden blessing, but at the time it was devastating because it was my only dream and it ended and I was really lost for quite a long time, sort of

• 1:23:41Speaker 02

  flailing away, trying to find who I was because the mistake I made, this is true for a lot of executives listening to this too. I had linked my identity to what I did. My identity was what I did or what I accomplished or what I had. It's a very dangerous way to live because that stuff changes and sometimes it goes away. And now I learned my identity is who I am as a man, the decisions I make, the way I live my life, the way I treat other people and I'll never again allow and I'm, you know, become pretty wealthy guy and got jets and houses and islands and all this stuff, but I'll never allow my identity to be tied to things I do because that's fleeting and I know many, many people have climbed the corporate ladder.

• 1:24:26Speaker 02

  They finally get that position, they finally get that influence, they're like, wow, I thought I'd feel differently. I thought it was be more, I thought it would be better and that's because their identity's tied to what they do and that's a shallow way to live your life and that's something I had to learn in that moment when my identity disappeared, which was baseball.

• 1:24:44Speaker 06

  Now, if you fast forward and see that you've gained immense wealth, like you said, the planes, the cars, the houses, the islands, you got the Richard Branson type stuff going on. But even I noticed, like I think, as you know this as a podcast host, you learn a lot in the first few seconds when you meet somebody prior to pressing record. And sometimes people flip a switch and kind of go into character once you hit record. You have been the same guy from the second we started. And one thing I noticed too is an immense amount of humility, which I'm not gonna lie, like I was pleasantly surprised, Ed, because you could have easily not have that based on all of the other stuff that you've accomplished.

• 1:25:27Speaker 06

  How do you, how do you think about that? I'm curious of humility and the role of not just like fake humility, which we all have seen some. I'm talking genuine, real, hey, man, it's good to get to know you. I've listened to your show. Like you can tell like this is real. And that to me is like a really a key cog. When I think about your future, it's like, how does it not continue to go like this when you have this humility about you?

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  Thank you. By the way, great question. It's one of the most important things in my life with people I want around me is humility. Well, one, I'm a faith-based person. So I'm not, I don't think that everything that's happened in my life is just me. That does not mean I haven't busted my tail. But I know there's an element of blessing. Quite frankly, there's been a little luck too, right? I've made my own luck, but there's a little bit of luck. The second thing is I know how, you know, fragile it is. It could go away. And so I don't really catch up too much in that stuff. But the big thing is this, the people that I like the most, like I try to surround myself with, also have a ton of self-confidence, by the way. I think there's a nuance. I want people that nuance this line and it's not an easy way to to live.

• 1:26:37Speaker 02

  I mean, it's difficult to find this balance. Tremendous self-confidence with humility. Because we all know really self-confident people that don't have any humility. What happens? They're not curious. They don't grow. They usually finally flame out and make mistakes because they believe their own press clippings, right? Then we also have friends that are really, really humble with no self-confidence. And you're dragging their butt through life all the time, right? Come on, man, we can do this. You're not the, it's not, you're not a victim. So I try to have a lot of self-confidence with a degree of humility. And most of the people I surround myself with have that as well. I like curious people. I want to grow. What a ridiculous way to live, to not be curious, to not want to learn. Like, I, people go, why do you even do your show?

• 1:27:21Speaker 02

  It's not a financial win for me, right? I love people. I love learning from people. I love, I'm watching you, your level of preparation. I'm like, all right, I gotta up my game a little bit. How does he know about these index cards with my dad? Like, that's not a very public thing. So I'm always trying to grow. I get in an Uber. You can ask my wife, people like, do you always have limo drivers? No, I take a lot of Ubers. Why? I want to meet real people. Man, and automatically, everyone will tell you, if I have a server in a restaurant, tell me your story. What's your story? I had a guy drive me yesterday really quick, guys from Lebanon, right? Driving it. He's got a kid at Harvard, a kid at Yale, and a kid at Stanford. He's driving an Uber to put them through school. And I'm like, tell me about your family. How'd they get there?

• 1:28:04Speaker 02

  Well, education's important. Tell me about Lebanon. I didn't want to get out of the car. It was like a 20-minute ride. I'm like, can we, I'm like extending the drive. You know, I wanted to learn more about this man. What a fascinating man. You get into Uber, they ask guys, probably making him three, two kids in an Ivy League and another one at Stanford. What a remarkable man. And like, tell me about your wife. You must have an amazing wife to have these three kids. And he's lighting up about his wife. We met when we were 14. I said, oh, man, I met my wife in kindergarten. We started dating when I was 14. That's the juice of life is to have humility. It's where you learn and and you reach people.

• 1:28:38Speaker 06

  Dude, this could, this energy is so contagious.

• 1:29:03Speaker 07

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