#135 - Ali Siddiq

Ali Siddiq joins the pod to discuss his new specials MY TWO SONS and RUGGED, how comics would be feeling themselves after getting on ComicView, why his daughter will be spoiled, his prison run-in with NFL player Dexter Manley, his dad being a smooth ladies man, his scary uncles, and much more. Ali and Stav help callers including a guy wondering if he should tell his friend that his fiancee is cheating on him, and a guy who plans on breaking up with his girlfriend but wants to wait after they take a planned vacation together. Watch Ali Siddiq’s specials MY TWO SONS, RUGGED, and much more at his Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@AliSiddiqComedy Follow Ali Siddiq and see him live: https://alisiddiq.com/ https://www.instagram.com/alisiddiq/ https://www.facebook.com/ali.siddiq.92/ https://x.com/Ali_Speaks https://www.youtube.com/@AliSiddiqComedy https://www.tiktok.com/@thealisiddiq Get 20% off your first 6 months of Open Phone by visiting https://www.openphone.com/perks/stavvy Visit Cornbread Hemp at https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/stavvy and use code STAVVY for 30% off your first order and enjoy free shipping on orders over $75. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/lets-start-a-cult-1f157c44-3840-4f01-8863-bb6afa472a0b ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:45Speaker 00

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• 1:02Speaker 01

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• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stavie's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. On the couch today, we're pumped to have Ali Siddique. Thank you for being here, man. One of the most prolific. I truly don't under... I see your YouTube channel, I'm like, "Fuck, man. I gotta work so much harder than this." We'll do... I'll do one special every two years. I'm like, "This guy's doing shit that I'm like..." People are crying, they're laughing, you're moving people. I'm like, "Man, do I even do the same art form? I just talk about my dick being small for about half of it and being too fat the other half." So I love... Your shit is out of... I mean, truly dude, it's like, nobody's doing what you're doing on the uh,

• 2:13Stavros Halkias?

  like on YouTube and like with your specials and so we're so, so happy to have you here. I'm a bit, we're huge fans here for sure.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

• 2:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and you got a special right now that just came out like a couple of weeks ago, probably.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  My two sons.

• 2:25Stavros Halkias?

  My two sons, yeah.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  Four million already, so.

• 2:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  It's moving.

• 2:29Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I, every time, everybody I talk to, I'm like, YouTube's dead. Don't even bother putting a special up and I check your shit and you got eight million on like a, on some film with like one K, it looks like security camera footage like this. He just did a special in the lobby of a, of a fucking, you're doing theaters, you're like, yeah, let's just do another one for fun, let's do one at a club. It's incredible what you're doing, man, for real, so.

• 2:50Speaker 03

  That's actually what happened. We had did all these other specials and then we had some footage. And we was looking at it, it was like, this is pretty structured.

• 3:02Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck it.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Let's put it out in between, you know, while they wait, while they waiting on another special.

• 3:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, don't get used to the, you were not get, if you're a Stavros Agas fan, do not expect that kind of production. We are taking our time with this special, man. Uh, yeah, no dude, so, and, and I love, I mean, you know, you have so many of them, but, uh, the domino effect, so great, a, a four-part special, it's like, six hours almost, like the whole thing, it's so, and your life story is incredible, I mean, you know, I don't wanna, people, go check, go check Ali's stuff out, but you know, we'll just talk about, you're from Houston.

• 3:39Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 3:39Stavros Halkias?

  And the whole thing, I mean, I love the domino effect because it takes you essentially from, like, childhood into when you come out of prison, which is like, you know,

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:49Stavros Halkias?

  such a, such a beautiful arc to the whole thing, so, uh, but yeah, Houston, I mean, we're big fans of Houston too, we love it. It's a great city, man.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  It is, it is.

• 3:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  It, it, I don't think I would, um, live anywhere else, you know, I still stay there.

• 4:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  And I'm so anti-moving anywhere else.

• 4:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, why do it? If the place you're from is cool, like, you know, I'm from Baltimore, I love Baltimore. But it's like, first of all, my family's there, which I love, but I like being, four hours is nice. Four hours in a car is the perfect distance from your family. An emergency happens, I'm in the RAV4, I'm there. But, my mom can't just pop over, you know what I mean? My dad can't annoy me, you know what I mean? It's like, they are far enough away where I, I literally went down yesterday for the day and I did like, I checked off a visit to everybody, my dad, my mom, my brothers.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Looking at the back.

• 4:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  You Greek?

• 4:41Stavros Halkias?

  I'm Greek, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  So I'll be going to Greece.

• 4:45Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  July.

• 4:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice, dude.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  I'll be going to Greece.

• 4:49Stavros Halkias?

  Where you going? You got the, you got the trip figured out?

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Like, three islands, I think y'all need to go.

• 4:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we got a lot more, but yeah, the three's good.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  Like, three spots.

• 4:57Stavros Halkias?

  The big ones, yeah. No, Greece is the best.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  I'm going, because this is the place where I could wear a Speedo and.

• 5:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:07Stavros Halkias?

  No one is, yeah, everyone's gonna be like, nice, dude, that guy's, that guy's crushed it. They might call you Obama, that's the thing. Greek racism is like, nice. It's like, they just, their favorite, if they see a black person, they'll just say their favorite black person. They might come up to you and be like, LeBron, you know? They'll say some shit like that to you. I was, I was there with an ex-girlfriend and we were having, you know, we're breaking up on the trip, it's horrible. And then, but then I just, this like, like, like stately older couple, right? Like this black dude, a black couple, and they're like, you know, in their 50s, and they, they really look like, he looks like a senator or something, right? And the guy just won't stop, the Greek waiter does not know any English, won't stop calling him Obama. I'm just like, they're ruining this vacation, but I'm like, alright.

• 5:52Stavros Halkias?

  It's making me laugh while I'm breaking up with my girlfriend in, in a beautiful island, so they might hit you that.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Can you break up in Greece?

• 5:59Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't think you could, Ali.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  Everything I've heard about Greece, like, can you break up in Greece?

• 6:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I was when you dated a rich girl. Like, I grew up poor. I was like, we're going to Greece. She can't say anything. I mean, I'm the man for bringing her to Greece. But when someone's family is, her, her parents have taken her to like, every place you can imagine. So to me, this is a big deal. To her, it's like, she's annoyed, she can't, you know, she's missing out on New York. We, we, two different worlds. I fucked up.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  Um, now you're making me think, is this what my daughters are gonna be like?

• 6:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, unfortunately, that is the problem with success. Your kids end up being like, ugh, you know, they've, they like, I don't want my children to know what ramen is, like, real ramen is, until they're 25. You know what I mean? Like, it's gotta be packaged.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  Oh, no. They, they, I, I think I'm a healthy mix in between, um, well-to-do and, you know, not well-to-do.

• 6:54Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  I was on another podcast and guy was like, yo, I think, what, are you, are you bougie or are you regular? I said,

• 7:05Speaker 03

  okay, I, I heard exactly what you said.

• 7:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  But, but I, I was listening, but I wasn't listening, cuz I'm actually sitting inside my Bentley.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  And all I can think about is shooting these squirrels that's eating my apples.

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:24Speaker 03

  Off my tree. And I'm thinking like, the, the pellet gun that I just bought is in the trunk. Like, why?

• 7:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Like, I, I just can't wait to get all this vodka so I can shoot these squirrels. Like, I am going squirrel hunting. This, I'm finna have a trash bag full of bodies.

• 7:39Stavros Halkias?

  You still have it in you, yeah, yeah.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  I still have, I still have it, man. It's like.

• 7:43Stavros Halkias?

  You do, but unfortunately, I think you are, how many, how many kids you have? Cuz I know.

• 7:47Speaker 03

  A plethora.

• 7:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  That's, that's how I'd describe it.

• 7:50Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe that's smart.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  This is a plethora.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  And they still know I have a healthy range. They start at thirty one. And then they go down to four.

• 8:00Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, dude. That's smart, because then you're like, alright, I'm spreading the resources out. So none of you gets to be that rich. That, you know what I mean? Maybe, maybe that's how you'll stop it from them being too bougie.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  So what's crazy, I only own this Bentley is because I was with my four year old. Getting my truck serviced. And she was like, that's a nice car. And I said, well, let's look in it. Dealership is right next to the other dealership. I said, let's just go look in it.

• 8:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  And she got in the back and she literally crossed her legs and crossed her hands like, this is nice.

• 8:41Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, well, yeah, she is toast. She's gonna be like my ass.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  It's gonna be the worst.

• 8:48Stavros Halkias?

  So, alright, she's done for sure. You know, thirty one year old, probably they'll be cool.

• 8:52Speaker 03

  Oh, he is, he is, he is definitely, um, um, not up across. He is definitely rough around the edges.

• 9:01Stavros Halkias?

  Before the YouTube ad money came in.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Before the, before, almost, he really before the career even.

• 9:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  I've been doing stand up twenty seven years.

• 9:11Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  So my oldest daughter is twenty six, my oldest son is thirty one. So he is.

• 9:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  The brunt of.

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  Hey, man, I mean, where do you actually work at?

• 9:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  Several places.

• 9:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what's the little, what's the, because, you know, what's the little gap between when the career? Because I, you know, in the specials, you're talking about how you sort of, kind of started doing stand up entertaining other inmates when you were in prison? And it was like, so what's that little gap when the career, when you got out before it like really started going off? What are you doing?

• 9:45Speaker 03

  I am, and it, and it, this is the, In the Shadows gives an explanation of how I started in nineteen ninety seven.

• 9:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  December the second and how I go up from, from there. I was actually.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  Eighteen months before I was on my first TV show.

• 10:05Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, holy shit.

• 10:06Speaker 03

  Which was Comic View, which is four minutes and thirty seconds.

• 10:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  And then you think that you, you are exploding after that.

• 10:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:15Speaker 03

  And then you realize, no, I only really like to host.

• 10:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. It was always like a famous guy would be hosting. Yeah. You know what I mean, he was doing, that was kind of like the farm system where it was like, you would, if you do well enough, they might bring you back another time.

• 10:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:30Stavros Halkias?

  And if you have some other shit going on, then you get to also host the thing too, yeah.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  If you, if you, it used to be a competition to host, then they started making this random staples. Bruce, Bruce was the host one year, Ricky Smiley was the host. Uh, I think Ricky did it twice, um, so they, the, the, three years I was on, it was Bruce, it was Ricky, and then they had, I think it was a weird year in there where it was like two hosts.

• 11:00Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  And, and, and cause they taped it multiple places.

• 11:03Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. That's when, when shit started falling apart. When it was just like, no one even gave, gave a fuck anymore. They're like, whatever, man, you hosted, you know what I mean?

• 11:11Speaker 03

  I, I remember people would do Comic View and then they would come in the club with shades on.

• 11:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  You might, I said, them shades cost more than you made.

• 11:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah. Those first, I mean, I remember my first thing for Comedy Central, it was like four minutes. It was like a, they were like, oh, last year this paid eight thousand dollars and we did it in Hawaii. This year it's in Brooklyn, it's four hundred dollars and you get, and you get an Uber ride. I'm like, the fuck? I was the fir-, I'm the first generation, they're downsizing this bullshit? It was literally, it went from Adam Devine's house party was like the little, and they would fly you to Hawaii. And the next year they just fucking did it at a, like, you know, one of these, uh, somewhere in like Park Slope. It was, it was horrible.

• 11:57Speaker 03

  I declined Adam Devine's house party.

• 11:59Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:01Speaker 03

  It did, it didn't. Because I had won, I had won.

• 12:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're in a different place by then, you know what I mean?

• 12:07Speaker 03

  No, I had just won Comedy Central's Comic to Watch, right?

• 12:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:11Speaker 03

  And it came with, you know, an album, um, appearance on one of the Comedy Central shows. And they kept offering me shows and I kept declining them.

• 12:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  And they was like, yo, what is, what's going on with this, with this guy?

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  And then they was like, well, Adam Devine's is a great one, you can go on, he, he's blowing up. I said, cool. So I watched an episode.

• 12:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, not really your sensibility.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  And then I called, I called back and I'm like, no.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  And, and one of the guys on, that did it, Matt Broussard.

• 12:48Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, I know Matt.

• 12:49Speaker 03

  He called me, Houston guy.

• 12:51Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's true.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  He called me and he was like, yo, you ought to do it, and I was like, no, Matt, you were on there.

• 12:58Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, exactly. I can't think of a more cartoonishly opposite, like, like also Matt is like,

• 13:04Speaker 03

  A handsome villain.

• 13:05Stavros Halkias?

  The most handsome vill- exactly.

• 13:06Speaker 03

  He's a handsome villain. He's a handsome villain.

• 13:10Stavros Halkias?

  He knows Matt, he can do like equations in his head. He's the kind of guy who's like, when they think about the guy who traps you in a bad contract, it looks like Matt Broussard.

• 13:20Speaker 03

  Matt, it's like Matt Broussard and then Rocky Del Davis, like totally different situations.

• 13:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. He's on the other side, he's on the other camp that's trying to get yours shut down in the movie, you know what I mean? It's like, we have to stop them from taking over the campground. And he's where, you know, got a little fucking sweater wrapped around his neck. That's who Matt Broussard is. No, I mean, our, our pal Brandon Wardell did that show and he's exactly, you and, that's, that's not the show you need to be on. But at the time, I was fucking, I was here, I was in this apartment, living in the living room with a fake wall, eating cereal with fucking water in it. So I was, I would have killed to be on Adam Devine's House Party. That was, that's what I was looking for, dude. I remember getting, I remember eating cinnamon toast. I was like, oh, cinnamon toast crunch is sweet enough that the water, you kind of forget it's water

• 14:09Stavros Halkias?

  and it kind of feels like a dessert. And then I posted that and I got like eight calls from people in Baltimore. They're like, hey, man, is shit going that bad in New York where you're eating, where you're eating cereal?

• 14:20Speaker 03

  I would have called you. I would have called you. So you just posted, I was like, hey, no, it's not sweet enough.

• 14:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's pretty good. I will say, to this day, it's, it's kind of like horchata.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  Did you put it in the fridge for a little bit?

• 14:36Stavros Halkias?

  True, if you put it in the fridge, it actually helps.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  You put it in the fridge for a little bit, it helps. Not saying that I know, but I'm just saying that I know.

• 14:45Stavros Halkias?

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• 15:30Stavros Halkias?

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• 16:13Stavros Halkias?

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• 16:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's drinkag1.com/stavi. Oh yeah, those were beautiful. We were roommates too at the time. People would just come in and out of work. I'm just still in the living room. What's up, guys? Just eating cereal, getting high as fuck, not doing any, not working or anything. You know, just being like, it'll happen. And then hilariously, it did happen, but that's not, the odds were not in favor of that ever happening.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  You know, what's weird, um, it's not in favor. In this career, none of it's in favor of us.

• 17:27Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's a lottery ticket. It's hilarious. Even if you're funny as shit, the odds are so against you that I just, I legit feel like I won the lottery. It's so stupid.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  It's like making it to the NFL and actually being a person that they know.

• 17:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, exactly.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  People don't realize, it's 53 people on their team.

• 17:46Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, it's insane.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  You know, even if it's your team, you only know five people.

• 17:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  Out of the 53.

• 17:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And then you look at the numbers. It's like the average career is four years. And those motherfuckers are making maybe like 400, like the league minimum now might be 800K or some shit like that, but it's like, half that's gone. Depending on where you're playing, that's gone on taxes. Like, yeah. We had a, we had a coach that was, that played in the NFL. I think it was the year, he was a scab. It was the year they were doing the,

• 18:16Stavros Halkias?

  it was the year the, they had the lockout and they're like, fuck it. Whoever's on the street, we're putting them. He was pretty good though. Uh, but yeah, that was like, he was a music teacher and running backs coach at a Baltimore City Public High School. So that's kind of what, what, what most of the career leads to.

• 18:33Speaker 03

  So this is why I don't feel like people, I don't ever feel bad about not making it to a certain league. Because. I have been privy to have people who um back playing basketball in middle school. My middle school coach played for the Atlanta Hawks.

• 18:54Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  But he was our middle school gym coach.

• 18:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  Like you're a gym coach.

• 19:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and that's twelve, by the way. The NBA is like, it's not the NFL. You know what I mean?

• 19:05Speaker 03

  So now, in the NFL, right, so I'm.

• 19:07Stavros Halkias?

  The NFL's crazy.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  I had um decide I'm gonna get fit and I go, I go to twenty four hour fitness in Houston.

• 19:17Stavros Halkias?

  This is recently, what are we talking about?

• 19:18Speaker 03

  No, this is, this is years ago. I wasn't, I was, eh, let's, we gonna say two thousand four.

• 19:24Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 19:25Speaker 03

  And I'm in there working out and I noticed that my trainer.

• 19:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 19:32Speaker 03

  Has on a Super Bowl ring.

• 19:34Stavros Halkias?

  No. Oh, the ring on? He's fucking, he's holding your, making sure your squat form is good and the ring is hitting your back?

• 19:46Speaker 03

  Who did you, who did you play for? He was like, the Cowboys.

• 19:51Stavros Halkias?

  Brutal, in Texas, a ring from the Cowboys.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  And I rooted against you.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Now you're my trainer.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  What happened?

• 20:02Stavros Halkias?

  Brutal stuff. Were you, you, yeah, you said you were in uh when you were in Houston, when you were i- i- in prison, there was a, a player from the uh, where was he from? He, he played on the.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  Dexter Manley.

• 20:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Dexter Manley. A le- a, not only a, that guy was a legend, yeah.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  A legend.

• 20:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Like, I, I, this is, I, it's not my favorite story, but it's up there.

• 20:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's a good story, man.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  That, we in the day room, I remember when he got there, right? They was um, people come and told me, he's like, yo, there is a monster.

• 20:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He played D end, right?

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's usually like a huge guy.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  And I'm like, okay, who, who is it?

• 20:39Stavros Halkias?

  I'll just pull up some, do some fucking producing for Christ's sake.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  So I, I walk out of, cause we're on the, we're on the trustee side, so I walk out going over by the calf. And I'm looking, I was like, is that Dexter Manley?

• 20:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:59Speaker 03

  We from the same neighborhood.

• 21:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  And I go over, I said. Dexter. He like, what's up?

• 21:10Speaker 03

  Hey, man, what's going on? So, I'm like, yo, man. I, I was telling him, do y'all know who this is? This is Dexter Manley.

• 21:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  So then they moved Dexter Manley from four building to the trustee building, right? And so, he, we're watching, we're watching television. This is when ABC used to do them things where they talk about sports.

• 21:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  And Dexter Manley, they are showing Dexter Manley. And he was like, and when it went off, when, when it went to commercial and it said Dexter Manley, one of the greatest deep Ds in the whole league.

• 21:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  And this is me, Dexter's sitting on the bench behind me.

• 21:52Stavros Halkias?

  That's brutal, by the way. Imagine watching your highlights and you're wearing like, you know.

• 21:57Speaker 03

  And I turned so slow.

• 22:02Speaker 03

  And I said, now look at you.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  They thinking Dexter's about to kill me.

• 22:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, he's huge.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  Dexter was a gentle soul, man. He got up and went to his bunk.

• 22:16Speaker 03

  And it was so crazy that I had to go upstairs like, yo, man, you need to go talk to Dexter. I'm like, I'm not going to talk to Dexter. And I went up and I sat on the edge of his bunk, I said, is, is, he was facing me. And I was like, Dex, I was just messing with you, man.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  And Dexter, I can only do like, Dexter was looking at me like this and he turned his back like this.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  Yo, man, you gotta come to the cafeteria. We gotta walk in because you making me, people, people mad at me.

• 22:57Stavros Halkias?

  You hurt Dexter Manley's feelings. It seems like a pretty cool, all things considered, the fact they're like, hey, check in with Dexter. Let's work through this as a community.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  You messed up with Dexter, bro. Dexter wasn't doing nothing to you, man. Holly, you're an asshole. I'm like, what?

• 23:17Stavros Halkias?

  Honestly, pretty good. You don't hear those stories about prison. Where it's like you have to talk it out with a former, uh, hall of, with a football legend.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Man, he definitely going to Hall of Fame.

• 23:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Man, Dexter was, Dexter was, and then I, I saw him.

• 23:32Stavros Halkias?

  What did he do? What did, what was he in for? Like, what did he do?

• 23:34Speaker 03

  He was drugged. It was something, it was something drug related. Dexter's in a better space now, for sure. And I always be asking people, is, you know, cause you don't keep up a lot.

• 23:45Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 23:46Speaker 03

  You're like, is he still alive?

• 23:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  I always ask myself if he's still alive.

• 23:51Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, NFL players, the odds aren't good. You know what I mean? When you're that, I mean, the whole thing is you fuck your body up.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Hollywood Henderson was locked up, and he won the lottery twice.

• 24:00Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 24:01Speaker 03

  You know how crazy it is? Do you win a lottery twice?

• 24:03Stavros Halkias?

  He won an actual lottery?

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Like, you won a lottery two times.

• 24:08Stavros Halkias?

  Ha, Henderson?

• 24:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's like, people look him up. Ha- Hollywood Henderson won the lottery two times.

• 24:18Stavros Halkias?

  Great name.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  Like, how do you, how do you, look?

• 24:21Stavros Halkias?

  Twenty-eight million! Holy fuck. He had previously spent twenty thousand on lottery. Oh, so he was a fu- he was, he was kinda trying to game the system. Did he often play with the Jackpotx? He's twenty mil- he purchased the winning ticket at a pharmacy in Austin. That's wild. To go from, to go from like, eh, a Super Bowl winner to prison to two lotteries. That is, that's some high highs and some low lows. I respect that.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  He's won like a bunch, eh, that's crazy to win a lottery. Most people don't ever win a lottery. He's won twice.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  My grandfather was addicted to the lottery. He won maybe eight hun- the equivalent of eight hundred dollars. He played the lottery every fucking day in Greece, to the point where he was using all his, like, the equivalent of his social security. It went to exotic birds and the lottery. He collected birds in a shitty little balcony in, in Athens. Covered in bird shit, you know, just like, would fuck everything up. And he just played the lottery. He would go into the, he was like a junk guy. He would like, check out. That he was a big hoarder. Um, but he literally, he won it, truly, he won it one time for essentially eight hundred dollars. I mean, talk about, he Did not have Hollywood Henderson's luck, I'll tell you that much.

• 25:28Speaker 03

  And that is eight hundred dollars is a cockatiel.

• 25:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely. They went to some pills to make a fucking, to make a parrot's coat shiny. Yeah. My, my, yeah, they were in a, and he's, you know, my, my grandparents were in a, uh, arranged marriage. So this like old school, like, you know, villager shit. And they hated each, and it was literally like, he wouldn't let my grandma put the fucking lights on. He was like, you're wasting money. And then he would just put all the money in bird feed. He would buy like high end bird feed and he's eating like canned sardines. That's the kind of guy he was.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  What's wrong with, uh, just regular sunflowers?

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I think they would have been fine either way. Shout out to Stavros Halkias, who I'm named after. That's, that's my.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Cause I be thinking when you, when you feed animals like this high end food, but you see healthier animals that don't have anybody looking after them.

• 26:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:20Speaker 03

  Like, what are they eating?

• 26:21Stavros Halkias?

  It's the rich child kid who had the scrap. That's basically it. The, the, the animals were just figuring out, that's you. And then the, and the high end feed is like your kids, you know what I mean? So you gotta, you gotta do a little sprinkling of like struggle in there, I think.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  I mean, I, I think that's what, and I, and I truly believe it. This is what my children miss, like struggle. Like my, my fourteen year old son, he doesn't. He like, in his mind, he's like, struggle.

• 26:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  I've heard of that word.

• 26:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a concept. It's a concept, not, not a lived experience.

• 26:57Speaker 03

  His struggle is, do I want a dozen oysters or do I want two dozen?

• 27:04Stavros Halkias?

  Should I get the ones from Long Island or should I do a west coast oyster today?

• 27:09Speaker 03

  Do I, I, I, I'm not feeling raw today. I am feeling charred.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  And, and I'm upset because they're not actually charred like I like.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  That's his struggle, man. Seabass a flounder. He doesn't, I'm like, that's weird. And I tell him all the time that it was different for me, you know, and I hear these other guys, I'm like, my kids, um, I, I, my kids struggle. I, I make my kids struggle. I have them do chores. For real, for real.

• 27:44Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Like for real, it's not, no, struggle is, it has, everybody has to be going through it one time.

• 27:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 27:50Speaker 03

  You're, how do you make-

• 27:51Stavros Halkias?

  Manufactured struggles, not real struggles.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, how do you make your kids struggle in a seven thousand square foot home?

• 27:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  How?

• 28:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  Like, what's, what's the struggle?

• 28:02Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  It's like, I'm, my struggle is, I look at them steps and I'm not going up there.

• 28:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. That's, that's maybe the reason to move, that's what I love about New York is like, I was looking for apartments and I've had a couple of good years and it's just like, kinda dog shit, whereas if I, the amount of money I spent, like, rich kids here actually have like, fucked up, you know, like, the neighbor's toilet might, might fucking leak into your shit, you know what I mean? Like, in the, in the train, you're seeing home, you know what I mean, like, homeless people, people are beating off in front of rich people, the same way they're beating off in front of poor people on the train in New York.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:36Stavros Halkias?

  So there is some real struggles here that you're not gonna get in a beautiful suburban Texas mansion, you know what I mean?

• 28:42Speaker 03

  I don't have to, I don't have to see people if I don't want to.

• 28:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 28:47Speaker 03

  Like, the, the pandemic, I, when during the pandemic, I know was rough for y'all during the pandemic.

• 28:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  It was, it was brutal. I was like, outside.

• 28:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you had pro, you had, you had greens to tend to, yeah, yeah.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  I have no idea, I'm not wearing a mask, I'm not wearing a mask.

• 29:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you drive, driving a golf cart to other parts of your house. Meanwhile, I had a roommate until two years ago and I'm successful, you know what I mean, like, let alone. But is, is it hard though? I mean, that is, that is a real thing of like, connecting when you're like, cause I struggle just connecting with my dad who, we just have a language barrier, right? Like, I mean, I speak Greek, but he fully, it just, we're from two different places. He grew up in Greece and, you know, in the seventies. I grew up in Baltimore, it's like, Baltimore, all my cultural stuff is, you know, American stuff, you know, we have some, but like, I can't imagine if you, if you kinda had like a generational shift, plus, just how different your lives are, cause like you at fourteen, it, it wasn't charbroiled oysters, you know what I mean?

• 29:51Stavros Halkias?

  It was like, I mean, even the stories about when you, I love that story too, when your dad just showed up and asked you as a child, if you wanted to live with him and it's like, you're a little ass kid who has no idea, the concept of what like, you're like, oh, I'll go live with my fun dad, but like, your childhood is a lot different from what you're just, you know, you're describing with your kids.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 30:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  My, my kids don't even, I'm, I'm, I'm a, I'm present, that's one.

• 30:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  Like all the time present.

• 30:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  Like my dad was sporadic.

• 30:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, popped in and out.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  He popped in and out, you know, and

• 30:31Speaker 03

  I'm there and, and I don't want the relationship that I had with my dad.

• 30:36Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, yeah, yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  But my dad was there when, kinda like when he needed to be for some, and, and then I go back.

• 30:43Stavros Halkias?

  Like for you or just like for him?

• 30:45Speaker 03

  Just period for me and my sister, when he, when he need, it was like if you called him and asked him to come to something, he would.

• 30:53Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  But you had to call and ask.

• 30:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Present and then you're thinking, is he gonna make it?

• 30:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  So when I lived with him.

• 31:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, how old were you when you lived with him?

• 31:02Speaker 03

  Ten.

• 31:03Stavros Halkias?

  Ten, okay.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  Ten to fourteen, I lived with him. And my dad is the reason why I eat oysters, but I never.

• 31:11Stavros Halkias?

  They're good. We're big oyster guys around here.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  He had them in the, in like this glass jar.

• 31:17Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, I've seen those, those are, those are brutal.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  Eat them out the jar, I was like.

• 31:24Stavros Halkias?

  That's a long way from the ocean.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  So far from the shell.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Those.

• 31:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucked up.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Those right there.

• 31:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, that sucks.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  And that's the little jar right there with the white, with the white lid.

• 31:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the white lid.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 31:41Stavros Halkias?

  Goose point.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  This is, I don't even know what that would even be from, like.

• 31:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 31:46Speaker 03

  That, that was, it was, cause it was just so much slime.

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  In there. Like I, I don't, no, this is not, this is not a good presentation.

• 31:55Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, I mean, and so it was you and your dad, you're, you're ten to fourteen, it's like, and he's a single guy, I'm guessing?

• 32:02Speaker 03

  Oh, so single.

• 32:03Stavros Halkias?

  Very single.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  I'm talking about, I thought Houdini made this song for him.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Like, it's a song Houdini has, I'm a hoe.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  And it's when I listen to the lyrics, I always think of my dad.

• 32:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  He said, "I'm a jigger high, I'm a jigger low, I'm a jigger every place I go. When I walk in the party, I was by myself. Nine times out of ten, I leave with someone else. There's something about the way I rock the microphone, the ladies in the place wanna take me home.

• 32:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  Stretch me out all alone, the couch, and show me what they loving is all about, and when I get them.

• 32:51Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  And then I hit them.

• 32:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:53Speaker 03

  Like, my, my dad, I met forty-two women the first year I lived with my dad.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  My dad was using me as part of his game.

• 33:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  He said, "I'm taking care of my son." I'm like, "I just got here. I just got here. I was living the whole ten years."

• 33:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had oysters for breakfast and lunch four days in a row.

• 33:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, man, it was, it was, it was crazy how single he was.

• 33:21Stavros Halkias?

  What's the, it's very funny to think about, about that time period too, like, what's a pussy getter at this time in Houston? What's your dad's vibe like? What's he, what are we looking like? What's he dressing like?

• 33:33Speaker 03

  My dad, tailor-made suits.

• 33:35Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  I'm so, he, he only owned one pair of jeans.

• 33:39Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 33:39Speaker 03

  And that's when he rode his motorcycle.

• 33:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  He owned two pair of tan slacks, um, that's when he had owned a carrier service downtown.

• 33:48Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:49Speaker 03

  So, he had all-white shirts and maybe a hundred tailor-made suits in his closet.

• 33:56Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, holy shit.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  It was weird, 'cause people say, "I got a walk-in closet." That's the only goddamn kind of closet I've ever known. Living with him, like, you walk in, there's a whole plethora of suits.

• 34:07Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 34:08Speaker 03

  And then he had, okay, so he wore python boots, he wore ropas.

• 34:13Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  He wore, um, loafers and then lace-ups. He had different, he, he never really, um, he had a couple pair of snake skins, but he really liked eel skins too.

• 34:25Stavros Halkias?

  Eel skin, hell, yeah.

• 34:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, like. Four cars.

• 34:30Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  Like, my dad was really, but he had this car called a Peugeot.

• 34:35Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, the French car.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  Oh, man, it was blue with like tan insides.

• 34:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's a hard car to get back then. I mean, they don't even have them around now.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  Man, my dad was doing it.

• 34:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful. What's the hairstyle looking like?

• 34:50Speaker 03

  Oh, small little Afro, like real small Afro, thick mustache.

• 34:56Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit. He sounds incredible.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  Man, shit, I'm talking about shit black, always moisturized.

• 35:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  And he was like, yo, he, he, he, what was his, his fragrance then? Two fragrances, Lagerfell and Obsession.

• 35:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  Those were the two fragrances.

• 35:15Stavros Halkias?

  An early adopter to Obsession. It's been around forever now.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  Man, and my dad used to get them.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Get them.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  And he could dance. Like, my dad was a real good dancer.

• 35:30Stavros Halkias?

  What years are we talking here?

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Oh, the eighties, early eighties.

• 35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Early eighties. That's a forgotten time in black culture, I feel like. I feel like everyone thinks about Soul Train, and then they kind of like move to, you know, like, you know, just like hip hop. But it was like that Houdini era, you know what I mean? People do forget about, I feel like that's kind of memory hold a little bit.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  If you think about how eighties rappers dressed.

• 35:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  It was kind of still seventies, but with a little funk to it.

• 35:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  My dad was, bruh, this was, this, everything was tailor made still.

• 36:03Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it is crazy how you don't have a TV show. Cause every, every person you mention, it's like, I want to, I want four seasons about your dad. You know what I mean? Every person that you, you know, that then you were like, when you were selling drugs, like, your crew sounded hilarious. The girls you were dating when you were like nineteen, when you were in high school, when you were in prison. It's like, every person you, like, I literally just want to read your father's biography right now. I want like a, a presidential level biography just about your dad, let alone everybody else you, you, you know, described.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Weird. I just shot a special called My Father in Detroit. But it was something that I did not add in there, cause I didn't think about it to afterwards. I never, I, I, I just started thinking about, why would he put the cocaine in a Cool Whip container in the refrigerator? Like, were you not thinking about me?

• 37:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, you think it's gonna be dessert.

• 37:03Speaker 03

  You know how many times I, I thought about dipping strawberries?

• 37:08Stavros Halkias?

  Just the whole inside of your mouth is numb?

• 37:10Speaker 03

  I was like, nah, I don't think this is, I don't think this is Cool Whip. But why is it that it's bold?

• 37:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 03

  Like, like, like, this, this is the easiest thing. Like, I know you hiding it from the police, but I could have invested it.

• 37:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're ten.

• 37:26Stavros Halkias?

  I know people have the, the, you know, everybody talks about how, you know, your mom put the like sewing equipment in that cookie container? You remember that container? You know what I mean? The like, the tin one? No one talks about cocaine in the Cool Whip. That's all you, man. That's the first time I've heard of that one.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  It's in the refrigerator, in the Cool Whip thing, I'm like, nah, what about this?

• 37:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there's, they have powdered Kool-Aid, or they have powdered, uh, Cool Whip now.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  Man, I, I, I just wondered that, like, why would he do that? And, you know, um, I can send you a picture of this. When my father passed, right? I, um, I kept his, a pair of his boots. And I got them re-sold and everything. And it's a pair of boots that's in my closet that I'd never wear. I can't fit them. We don't wear the same size shoe. But my son would probably be able to, to, to wear them. I'm like, yo, these are your grandfather's ill-skinned

• 38:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  boots that I got, you know?

• 38:27Stavros Halkias?

  These are grandpa's pussy-getting boots?

• 38:31Speaker 03

  When you put them on.

• 38:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's a cherished heirloom in the family.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  When you, when you put them on, bruh, just know it's gonna fall in your lap.

• 38:38Stavros Halkias?

  His spirit comes back. Now, that, you know what I mean? That's like, they're haunted, they're like, he's, he's, he takes over.

• 38:46Stavros Halkias?

  Your, your father's reincarnated through the boots?

• 38:48Speaker 03

  I kept his hat. I, um, he had this smooth little straw hat that he used to wear when he got older.

• 38:55Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Um, I kept his hat, but my dad was, I see what how my mom fell for him.

• 39:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  And and I wish I could find my mom's old fur coat. Cause my mom, when I look at the pictures of my mom back then, my mom was a fox. And I see how my dad was after my mom.

• 39:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:16Speaker 03

  And so I was like, eh, I can see it.

• 39:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  And my mom, she drove like the old Camaro. It was gray with burgundy insides. And this is not the woman that you wanted to come to the school with and get you.

• 39:34Speaker 03

  My mom was four eleven, big heels on. And she used to wear these silky dresses with a thin gold belt. And she had this huge curly Afro. My mom was beautiful. She come from the school just sexy as she wanted to be like, hey, you in trouble.

• 39:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mom, no. Yeah, embarrassing you and then all your friends like, your mom's pretty fucking hot.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Your mom's pretty hot. Your mom was like Black Fairfawson.

• 40:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's a, yeah, that's why, is that why you had to learn to fight? Cause what everybody was telling you, cause I do love that detail. You've been boxing since you were a kid. I mean, if your mom's hot, you kind of have to fight.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  My, that was my grandma. My grandma was like, yo, everybody in this family can fight.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  Like, we, this is what we don't play about. Like, you, cause you're, I, I remember my grandmother telling me, you're not gonna be a big man.

• 40:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I've looked at the DNA. I've looked at the genetics.

• 40:34Speaker 03

  It doesn't matter if your father's six three, your mom is four eleven. You're gonna fall somewhere in between there. And you're gonna have to be able to fight. And then I look at all my uncles. I have one tall uncle on my mom's side. Everybody else is like the highest, we gonna go five nine. Five eight, five nine, that's pretty, but everybody else is like five six, you know, it's about five nine. But these are the toughest. My mom's brothers, my mom has seven brothers. These are the toughest, thick-handed men.

• 41:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  That, like, they didn't, my, and my dad used to talk about my uncles.

• 41:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they ever kick his ass?

• 41:15Speaker 03

  Yo, uncle, like, like, my dad was the only one that my Uncle David didn't kick the shit out of. That tried to talk to my mom.

• 41:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Like, they would literally beat, cause they had three sisters, you know?

• 41:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  And the men who married my aunts literally was under the, and my Uncle Chicken, he, he married my aunt Eunice.

• 41:39Stavros Halkias?

  Incredible nickname.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  And then.

• 41:40Stavros Halkias?

  Uncle Chicken.

• 41:41Speaker 03

  My, um, my, my Aunt Angela, she married a guy named Marvin that didn't come through the ranks.

• 41:48Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 41:49Speaker 03

  So then they end up getting divorced, cause he didn't come through the ranks. But, man.

• 41:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  You had to come see them brothers.

• 41:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  And they were on one.

• 41:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  My Uncle David would tell me, he'd say, you know how many men I chased up a tree? And I'm like. Damn. Like, yeah, y'all had people climbing trees.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, we could beat their ass up a tree, like, damn.

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking Looney Tune shit.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  And then you would see their hands, you like, yeah, I could see it.

• 42:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 03

  Like, I think, like, my hand is, and I've, and I've had some good ones, I've had some really good ones. To where I broke my knuckles on people, that's why I don't have them right there.

• 42:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  But it's like, my uncle's hands are like, two or three of my hands together in the thickness.

• 42:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  I was like, yo, y'all, y'all are really, and my uncle was like, yeah, I'd knock your ass out too. And, and that's where I used to get me, my mom used to get me to, to act right. She's like, you want me to call your uncles? And she would sometimes.

• 42:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 42:55Speaker 03

  The type of threatening phone calls.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Like, my uncle be on the phone talking to me, it's like the mob.

• 43:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like a loan shark.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  Like, hey, listen, listen, listen, you like, I, I am, do you want me to fly down there? And break your fucking spine?

• 43:18Speaker 03

  And you like, I'm nine. You know I'm nine, right? What shit you nine?

• 43:24Stavros Halkias?

  Pretty nice Etch A Sketch you got there, be a real shame if something happened to it.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  My, my uncle Lamont, right? For, and this is, this is so true, this is one of the truest words I can ever tell. Up until four years ago, I thought that my uncle Lamont killed people for the mob.

• 43:45Speaker 03

  Because that's what he looked like.

• 43:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:48Speaker 03

  And he always had this long, black leather jacket, these, he wore the same shoes, these black kind of boots, and he looked so menacing with his hat, and like, four years ago, he was like, we was at a family function, and he said, "Hey, man, you ought to, um, let me make some shoes for you." I said, "What?" And I'm thinking like, like semen shoes, like,

• 44:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  You gonna kill me?

• 44:21Speaker 03

  He's like, "No, you ought to let me make some shoes for you." I said, "Why would I do that?" He said, "That's what I do."

• 44:28Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  I'm a, I'm a, I make shoes.

• 44:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  And I said, "Like, for how long?" He's like, "Forever, like, forty years."

• 44:37Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  I've been making shoes for forty years. And I said, "You are a cobbler."

• 44:43Speaker 03

  And he was like, "Yeah, what you talking about?"

• 44:44Stavros Halkias?

  You got a medieval occupation?

• 44:47Speaker 03

  What do you, what do you think I need? I said, "I thought you killed me for the mob."

• 44:52Stavros Halkias?

  If you threaten someone enough when they're nine, they'll think about that for the rest of their lives, like, oh, he's a murderer, of course.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  That is crazy. My uncle Lamont makes shoes in California for a long time. My uncle Donald, which I never thought was a mobster, who shot people more than anybody else.

• 45:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  Because he owned the cleaners for forty years, and he owns a corner store. So people have tried to rob him.

• 45:19Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  And the craziest thing, when he owned the cleaners, before he sold the cleaners, his wife's name was Louise. So I used to call him George Jefferson.

• 45:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  But he shot, maybe like two years ago, he shot somebody who tried to rob his store.

• 45:34Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Like.

• 45:35Stavros Halkias?

  Where's the store?

• 45:37Speaker 03

  In Mississippi.

• 45:38Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, damn.

• 45:39Speaker 03

  And the funniest thing, so how the world is, people say the world is small, but it's not. It's you just get in these spaces with people. Roy Woods Jr.

• 45:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  We're taping this show with Ari Shaffir.

• 45:53Stavros Halkias?

  Uh huh.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  And we chatting it up, and he's like, y'all have people in Clarksville. And I said, I got people in Clarksville. He said, who your people? Then we go through the who your people thing, and then I tell him who my uncle is. So he hits his uncle and was like, yo, do you know this person? And he was like, Donald Mitchell? Hell, yeah, I know Don. Don helped me get out of prison.

• 46:19Stavros Halkias?

  He's a corner store, he owns a corner store, and he's like, oh.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  He's a congressman out there, too.

• 46:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 46:24Speaker 03

  Like, yo, he's been, he was the only one that they let stay in Mississippi. They ran.

• 46:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  All the rest of my uncles out. Running people up trees and shit, like.

• 46:37Stavros Halkias?

  Go get some, go buy some leather and make some shoes in Los Angeles, man. You gotta get out of here.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  My uncle Bolton, when um, when he passed, they um, they buried him at this, this place in LA, in Pasadena, where they bury all these high ranking military people. So I'm, we were going to the funeral, and I was like, hey, I said this to my aunt, I was like, hey, I don't know who else passed, but they must be really important. Because they got all the flags lowered, they had all these high ranking people out there, they got the people coming to do the twenty one gun salute. And I was like, who, who else passed? She's like, this is for your uncle.

• 47:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  I was like, what?

• 47:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they didn't double book the funeral.

• 47:29Speaker 03

  And he was some big shot in the air force.

• 47:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  And I was like, like, I didn't really know any of this about y'all, I'm just thinking about the threats.

• 47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, the threats will stick, yeah.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  All of them had called me, talking about, you playing with my sister? Like, no, it's my, it's my mom, though.

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  That, so even, so it just sounds like you had a ton of like, a bunch of different sort of like, your dad was in and out, whatever, but it's like, you did have a ton of like, male, like, figures to look up. And then even, even outside of your family, I, I, you know, when, you know, as you were growing up, like, people in high school, when you were, and then, like, the other thing about prison, where you were talking about just like, a lot of the older guys too, that's an interesting aspect you don't think about, how much like, community is in there, how much like, you learn from the guys that have been there. It was, I mean, that's, that's another thing I love about it, is like, it does humanize, and it's like a, it's weirdly a lighthearted take on prison, which you never get, it's always like doom and gloom or whatever, and I'm sure it's bad, but, I mean, yeah, I'm sure you'd rather not have been in there.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  I could have not met any of them.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  Appreciate the advice, but didn't want to meet you under these circumstances. And, and that's the, that's the thing, you meet people who, and they, they never talk about the people who learned from their mistakes in trying to, it's like, in the hood, right? It's a, it's a misunderstanding that it was people that never, we never allowed to be in the streets. Because we saw potential.

• 49:06Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  In them.

• 49:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  You know, so we would say like, my, my boy, he played basketball. Hey, man, he trying to get out here in the streets. I'm like, for what though? This is not, this is not you.

• 49:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:20Speaker 03

  So here goes some bread, go to school, get all the stuff that you wanna get, that you, that you feel like you want. And we'll see you on the other side, well, not this side.

• 49:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  You know, but they never talk about those, those guys because real street guys would never let you get in the streets. If you had other potential.

• 49:42Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  You know, unless they, I mean, if we caught you doing something that you wasn't supposed to be doing. That's a whole nother threat.

• 49:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  Yo, man, get out of here.

• 49:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go work on your jump shot.

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:00Speaker 03

  Go, but man, we had this guy named Phil, right?

• 50:06Speaker 03

  Phil played all the instruments.

• 50:10Stavros Halkias?

  Mm.

• 50:10Speaker 03

  But his instrument was the saxophone.

• 50:12Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  And Phil would be walking from school and be like, yo, Phil, come over here and play your little harmonica for the people, right? And, cause they don't believe that you good. And then there'd be other dudes like, he can't play that shit.

• 50:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Speaker 03

  And then he was like, man, Phil, he thang with something. And then Phil, so Phil would be playing.

• 50:34Stavros Halkias?

  Just a little concert.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  We'd give, give him some bread, play, but then I remember when our boys got killed, right? And Phil is coming, and I say, yo, Phil, man, play something to uplift they spirits, man.

• 50:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  Place yeah.

• 50:55Stavros Halkias?

  Place them to honor him.

• 50:56Speaker 03

  And and Phil is a good producer.

• 51:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:01Speaker 03

  You know, we it's certain things that they forget about what we would not allow.

• 51:07Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 51:07Speaker 03

  You understand, in our neighborhood, you couldn't be like a dude known as being creepy with kids.

• 51:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  We gonna come.

• 51:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's not, that's, I think that's a universal, a universal good to police those motherfuckers, you know?

• 51:25Speaker 03

  It's a, you, hey, man, you're a grown man, you talking to to girls, I, yo, yo, yo, what you doing?

• 51:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:35Speaker 03

  And you, I think it's a space for neighborhoods that don't have active police for the, it's gotta be somebody that polices.

• 51:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  The situation.

• 51:49Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's also, I mean, that is, the funny thing is like, people, whenever they talk about, cause it, American culture, it's so funny how Italians talk about how good the mafia is. And it's always shit like that, where it's like, when it started, it was kinda like, kinda starts like a neighborhood, almost like policing thing, and then obviously it gets out of control. I think with each generation, that's kinda harder and harder to pull off. It just becomes like, you know.

• 52:11Speaker 03

  Morals, morals go down.

• 52:13Stavros Halkias?

  Morals go down every generation, like, hey, it's pretty cool having a lot of drugs and money. I'm gonna stop doing this bullshit community service and just get fucked up and get pussy. I think that, that's a hard thing to put, you know, you gotta thread the needle for a while, but it is, yeah, there is no credit for that for sure. But I do love the, I do love that, and this, when you're doing all this stuff, that's when, this is like when you're, cause you're also young in the, at the time, right?

• 52:37Speaker 03

  Very young.

• 52:38Stavros Halkias?

  You're like nineteen, twenty.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Nah, I, I went to prison at nineteen.

• 52:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you went to prison at nineteen?

• 52:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was, I was fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, four days on the street at nineteen.

• 52:49Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, four days, that's not a bad work schedule, you get three day weekends?

• 52:54Speaker 03

  October seventeenth is my birthday. I was gone by October twenty first.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  So I never really, I was on the streets four days at nineteen.

• 53:05Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  I missed all of nineteen.

• 53:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:07Speaker 03

  Got out when I was twenty-five.

• 53:09Stavros Halkias?

  Twenty-five, okay, damn. Six years, some crucial years.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:13Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I guess that is sort of like, kinda going to college, I guess.

• 53:16Speaker 03

  A lot of development, a lot of development, yeah. Like, the, the worst part about it was, I had no, like, women skills. Like, all of my skills are very juvenile, because, like, yo, you on a shrimp basket?

• 53:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, because you have a ton of money, you're like, yeah, I'll just buy you something nice.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, but when you get out, that's kinda, I, I was really awkward. And I, and I, and I still think that I'm awkward, but, yeah, I was really awkward when it came to women when I came home.

• 53:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  Twenty-five, no real interaction for all those years, you like.

• 54:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:03Speaker 03

  You know, you talking to a teacher that works in the front office is not the same as being in a relationship.

• 54:10Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, yeah, yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 03

  And then you have developed this, this callus of how you, you talk.

• 54:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  So, in prison, every conversation was basically aggressive.

• 54:25Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, yeah, yeah, of course.

• 54:27Speaker 03

  And so you just learn to talk, everything is aggressive or it's an argument.

• 54:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, wanna go to TGI Fridays, bitch? Are you free? That's not gonna work.

• 54:42Stavros Halkias?

  I'll trade you two cigarettes and a bar of Irish soap for you to come to TGI Fridays with me.

• 54:51Speaker 03

  It's not, it's not appealing.

• 54:54Stavros Halkias?

  And especially because you're you're like you go out and now it's like you're an awkward kid, but you you kind of like you also probably felt like the man when you're making so much money.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:04Stavros Halkias?

  You're wearing cool shit. I remember this you tell a story about how you're just at like a homecoming game or something. You were in a fur coat.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:11Stavros Halkias?

  You're you're eighteen or whatever in a fur coat.

• 55:13Speaker 03

  The Elsie and Hastings game. The the the high schools are right next to each other. We connected by annex, but we rivals.

• 55:20Stavros Halkias?

  Got you, got you.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  And this is a academically high school and we and I'm there with a short mink on. Like, yeah.

• 55:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:29Speaker 03

  Y'all see what this is?

• 55:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're gonna you're gonna be able to fuck when you have a mink on as a seventeen year old or whatever.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  Everybody.

• 55:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  Back to being my dad.

• 55:39Stavros Halkias?

  And then and then you're twenty five and you have none of that. You're just like, how do I even figure it out? That is a tough one.

• 55:46Speaker 03

  Less I have so not any money.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  So not any money. They you know, you get out, they give you like a hundred dollars you when you initially get out and then you have to report to your parole officer to get the other hundred. So you get total of two hundred dollars when you released.

• 56:05Stavros Halkias?

  Perfect to rebuild.

• 56:08Speaker 03

  Rebuild your life with two hundred dollars. I bought a bag of Ruffles and a orange crush and all of a sudden I had seventeen fifty.

• 56:19Speaker 03

  Inflation has increased while I was there, man. It was those uh and and I see how people can go back to doing what they

• 56:28Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, it's almost set up to do that, it feels like.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  But I think my mindset was so against it because they thought that that's what I was gonna do.

• 56:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 03

  And it irritated the shit out of me.

• 56:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  I remember this the CO told me I he would see me again. I was like, like, why would you see me again?

• 56:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:50Speaker 03

  Like, what would I be doing for you to see me again? I would be, oh, I I never told this story, but I got transferred from one unit to another and I because I went to school to electrician school, right? So they transfer you to another unit because that's where the school is at. And then I got transferred back to my original unit. And this white guy who I was cool with. He was being really standoffish with me. I thought maybe something had happened to him while I was on something. And then he just, one day just came to me, said, "Man, I believed in you."

• 57:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  I was like, "What?" He said, "Man, we used to talk about developing and getting out and not, never coming back." He said, "Man, I believed in you." I said, "Why did you stop?"

• 57:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:43Speaker 03

  He said, "Cause you're back." Back from where?

• 57:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. He thought you were, you got out.

• 57:48Speaker 03

  He thought I got out. And came back. I'm like, "I didn't know. I went to another school."

• 57:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:54Speaker 03

  I went to another prison. I was in a, I was, this is a minimum security prison. I went to a fucking max and, and this shit was different.

• 58:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  You lucky, you lucky you see me.

• 58:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:04Speaker 03

  On Bill Clemens was totally different from Torres.

• 58:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 58:07Speaker 03

  The, the riot happened on Torres. That's just a simple riot.

• 58:11Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  Bill Clemens was a different monster.

• 58:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  Like a max, max, super max and minimum are so far away from each other.

• 58:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 03

  It is crazy. And I was like-

• 58:26Stavros Halkias?

  So you went from the minimum to the super max, then back to the minimum?

• 58:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  They transferred me back.

• 58:30Stavros Halkias?

  That is kind of a heartwarming. I mean, those two stories are kind of weirdly hard. It's like a Disney story where the guy's like, "I believed in you, man." It's like, it's like, again, the like, connection you had with, with either guys in prison is, is heartwarming. The, the Dexter Manley story is hilarious. His feelings are hurt. It's like, guys, we gotta put this between us. And then this guy being like, "I really wanted you to get your potential." You know, it's, it's really, it's a funny thing to, that's a, that is, and if you haven't seen it, go, go watch it, guys. Go watch all the special. He's got, you know, so many on his YouTube, on his YouTube channel, free. Uh, go see him right now. And I think, I think you're gonna be prepared for this. We like to give advice to our, our fans here, so they leave voicemails.

• 59:10Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 59:11Stavros Halkias?

  And they'll call in and we just, uh, we'll give them a little advice here, so-

• 59:14Speaker 03

  Voicemails?

• 59:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. They've called in. Elders, what do you got for us, buddy?

• 59:19Speaker 00

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• 1:00:49Speaker 05

  Hey, staff, elders, and guests and/or guests would appreciate your... Hey, staff, elders, and guests and/or guests would appreciate your advice on something I've been struggling with. So I'm almost 30 and have never had a girlfriend. We're going to give into all the reasons, but I was not in a great place in much of my 20s and it just, you know, never happened. Nevertheless, the last couple of years have been better and there have been a couple of instances where I've been seeing somebody for a little bit and, you know, we get to that point, talking about exes. And when I say I don't have one, you can just right away kind of see the look on their face like, what the fuck is wrong with this person? And I try to explain myself and, you know, do what I can to ease concerns,

• 1:01:33Speaker 05

  but they rightfully, in my opinion, are worried. You know, I'm almost 30. If I'm talking to some girl who's 30, she's probably looking for a husband and someone my age that's never had a girlfriend. The questions start to come up of, you know... Would you marry the first girl you date, et cetera, et cetera. So I I try to do my best to

• 1:01:51Stavros Halkias?

  This guy definitely

• 1:01:52Speaker 05

  smooth things over, but every time that this conversation happens, they end it within a couple of weeks after that. So just looking for some advice on maybe ways that I can message this better or ways that I can help sort of get them over the hump that, you know, just the fact that I've never had a girlfriend doesn't totally disqualify me because I I think I'm a kind thoughtful person and would be a good partner, boyfriend, father, the whole deal, but it's just sort of been an issue as of late. So appreciate any thoughts you have. Much love.

• 1:02:22Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. Damn. Never had a girlfriend. I mean, I don't know.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  I think that's, I think he's phrasing that wrong.

• 1:02:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:32Speaker 03

  Okay, so this, he says it's happened multiple times, right?

• 1:02:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Use them as references.

• 1:02:39Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, yeah. I've had one technical girlfriend, you know what I mean? Like I've dated a bunch of girls, like, who cares?

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've dated. I've really haven't been in a, in a committed

• 1:02:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  relationship with these people, but if something that, and, and oddly enough, the reason why is because I, I don't claim them as exes at that point because it wasn't long term, you know? Three weeks is not a long time. You could be my first ex. Like, you know, you, you like the first.

• 1:03:10Stavros Halkias?

  Also, lie. Who gives a fuck about this? This isn't like a, it's, I would say, call those little three week three week bullshit. Just say they're your exes. You had some, you've dated, you've been whatever. The fact that, the fact that you haven't had a serious girlfriend. I think this guy's letting it stop him.

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right? Because it's like, if he's like a charming, uh, it sounds like your dad never technically had any exes.

• 1:03:41Speaker 03

  He had to be like it.

• 1:03:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's right, if you're like, the problem here is a classic problem of just not believing, thinking this is gonna be an issue, right? Cause like, who cares dude? Who, like, it comes up, what happens is, this comes up and he goes, uh,

• 1:04:00Stavros Halkias?

  "I've never really had a nec-" you know what I mean? If he's like, "Oh, you know, uh, I've been seeing a couple of people here, on again, off again, nothing really clicked", you know, eh, just, that's all, and if you just moved it forward, it wouldn't be that big a deal. You're just, you are scared to bring up the fact that you haven't had a girlfriend? It sounds like you fucked before, which is big.

• 1:04:19Speaker 03

  Stop talking like you just had only sex workers.

• 1:04:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I guess that is, yeah, exactly.

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  "I've never really been with them, I just paid for it and do it."

• 1:04:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had some long, I mean, that might actually be better, cause you might actually have some camaraderie with the, if you saw one sex worker over and over again. It's like, we have a barber you really like, that's like, that's like, that's a relationship that could last a decade, honestly. So, maybe that's the key, dude. But yeah, just, message this better, you are, you're clamming up, I promise you. If these girls like, cause the other thing is, you could spin this, this guy clearly want, eh, he sounds like the type of guy, type of guy who would get married to his first girlfriend.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  Say you were saving yourself.

• 1:04:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's good, that's good.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  Women say it, like, yo.

• 1:05:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:03Speaker 03

  No, I've been saving myself. And then, and put the eyebrow up and say, "I've been saving myself for the right person."

• 1:05:11Speaker 03

  You're talking like you killed everybody that you've gotten, baby.

• 1:05:14Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, my exes, no, you can't talk to them, why?

• 1:05:19Stavros Halkias?

  Stop behaving like that and you'll be fine, dude, I promise. This is just, cause this could be a positive, too. This could be like, uh, I've, I've known women who have, who've sort of like, trained, you sound like the kinda guy who would like to submit to the will of a sh- of a woman who can control his life. Eldis' wife makes all the big decisions, isn't that right, Eldis? And you love it. That's, you sound like an eldest type of fella. One of these women, you're gonna find the right type of girl and you're gonna be fine? Just stop letting this be the thing that you get nervous about, cause it's all in your approach. You think it's a big deal, so you've made it a big deal. If you were like, "Uh, I've seen a couple people, I've been in a cou-" and you can also- Like it's a resume. You're never as hard a worker as you pretend you are on your resume.

• 1:06:04Stavros Halkias?

  You saw a girl for three weeks. Make it seem like it was a couple month relationship. It's not the big, you're not a piece of shit. You're unless you are, unless you did do some weird shit, but it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you had some mental illness things, you had some other shit going on. And by the way, recovering from all that shit, that can be cool too. You could be like, look, I was struggling in my twenties. And then I had a couple little short term relationships, but I'm really looking now to date seriously and I want something serious. Cause that you think you're already getting ahead of them. Thinking it's gonna be a deal breaker. Make sure it's not be like, no, I'm over that now. You know, I was a bit of a late bloomer, but I feel good now and I'm, I'm really looking for something serious. You'll be fine, bud.

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  Especially if you have a good career.

• 1:06:48Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:06:49Speaker 03

  You focused on your career, you, you fucking thirty.

• 1:06:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  And.

• 1:06:52Stavros Halkias?

  The second round is about to happen.

• 1:06:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, and like you didn't really have anything to offer.

• 1:06:57Stavros Halkias?

  Right, that might be the bigger problem.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  You didn't have anything to offer. My, my son's thirty one, he shouldn't have had any goddamn girlfriends. Before now, cause he didn't have shit to offer, broke ass.

• 1:07:12Speaker 03

  Why would, you know, why would your broke ass even have somebody? You know, I was struggling with this girl, I didn't have shit, man, no, man. And that's, I think that's the thing. And then if you wanna boost yourself up. There are, um, this is what always gets me. And I've always seen homeless men with.

• 1:07:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, they'll have women in their tent for sure.

• 1:07:36Speaker 03

  Sir, you can get a woman.

• 1:07:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:38Speaker 03

  Even if.

• 1:07:39Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely, absolutely.

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  Look at somebody that looks worse than you, I'm like, this guy has someone.

• 1:07:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's exactly it. You're letting this be the stop, you're letting this stop you. The homeless guy's not letting anything stop him. He's getting pussy for some combos.

• 1:07:54Speaker 03

  And he just shit in the trash can outside.

• 1:07:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah dude, maybe, yeah, maybe you've had a couple intimacy issues, but you have plumbing, you have warm, a warm bed, you'll be good. Here's with some other ones, Eldis.

• 1:08:09Speaker 06

  Hey Stavi, uh, big fan of the show, long time, first time. Uh, just calling back because I didn't really get my point across the first time I called. So, I'm having an issue with my friend who I've been buddies with since we were nine years old. Um, he keeps things close to the chest, but I have it on good authority from another friend that he was cheated on by his fiance. The two of them have been dating for ten years and, uh, apparently she's cheating with him, on him with this guy from work.

• 1:08:41Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 1:08:42Speaker 06

  Um, I don't know how she thought she'd get away with it because, uh, he's a detective.

• 1:08:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:08:47Speaker 06

  So, she'd figure that shit out eventually, probably.

• 1:08:50Stavros Halkias?

  Detective?

• 1:08:51Speaker 06

  I need your help because

• 1:08:53Stavros Halkias?

  The fuck?

• 1:08:53Speaker 06

  My friend is the kind of guy who doesn't really let his emotions out around his friends. Uh, so I don't think I'm ever gonna hear about it from him.

• 1:09:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:09:03Speaker 06

  But every time I see him, I can tell he's in a lot of pain and it seems like this is really crushing him, but

• 1:09:09Stavros Halkias?

  You don't say.

• 1:09:10Speaker 06

  I don't want to betray his trust by letting him know that I heard from somebody else. So, I don't really know what to do. I see him about once every two weeks and this happened, I think about eight months ago. Um, so I just need some advice on how to navigate this friendship, uh, knowing what I know. Uh, thank you, love you baby. Uh, yeah, help me out.

• 1:09:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my goodness. Well, the good news is this, I feels like this is, you know, an important step to being a great detective. You have to be broken by a woman, become an alcoholic, smoke cigarettes with some, you know, five o'clock shadow. And that's the, a good detective has to get cucked. This is sort of like a detective's origin story, you know?

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  Forty-eight hours.

• 1:09:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, he's, yeah.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  What's the guy for forty-eight hours?

• 1:09:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, fuck, yeah. Oh, yeah, Nick Nolte from, yeah, exactly, exactly. You need a hard-boiled detective who fucking hates his ex-wife. Like, that's classic. You need a guy drinking whiskey with the lights off in his office with a five o'clock shadow going. And that seems like the, the, the path he's on. But I mean, you know.

• 1:10:17Speaker 03

  Mind your fucking business until he tell you.

• 1:10:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I like that.

• 1:10:20Speaker 03

  Until he tell you, he's like, hey, I'm, I'm, I'm looking at the pain in his eyes.

• 1:10:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:26Speaker 03

  You fucking, you ain't got shit to do.

• 1:10:29Speaker 03

  I got a lot of friends and I see, when I see him, I'm like, yo, man, what's on your mind? Oh, you're not telling me? Okay, cool. Hey, bring another round.

• 1:10:40Speaker 03

  Yo.

• 1:10:41Stavros Halkias?

  It's also like, so everybody, your other friend is gossiping about him behind his back?

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  Behind his back.

• 1:10:47Stavros Halkias?

  That seems fucked up also. Yeah, dude, I, I mean, look, somebody's getting cucked and they don't know, they don't, you know, who knows what their situation is? And you might be misreading it, that's the other thing, you, you don't actually know what the fuck is going on.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:00Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, you could, you could pretend you got cheated on and see if it sparks anything. Uh, you could be like, oh, man. Yeah, my wife sucked off the guy from accounting. I'm pretty pissed about it. Maybe, maybe I can open up to you, is that okay? And see what, you know, if he starts crying when you say that, maybe then you have proof, but, you know.

• 1:11:21Speaker 03

  This is some soft shit, though, if you been friends since nine. Your friendship is pretty fucking fragile if you just can't say it.

• 1:11:31Stavros Halkias?

  That is true.

• 1:11:33Speaker 03

  Yo, yo, man, what the fuck you got going on?

• 1:11:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:36Speaker 03

  Your girl cheat on you some shit?

• 1:11:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:38Speaker 03

  Like, I'm gonna say it. I'm not fucking sugarcoating to, since nine?

• 1:11:44Stavros Halkias?

  You have to pick a lane, I think you're absolutely right, you guys are this close. You either say it, or like you say the first time, mind your business. There's no in-between, there's no like, gazing at him longingly and, and seeing, and feeling like you can feel the pain in his eyes. It's like, you can't, it's, pick one or the other. If Elders were to get cucked, I would be like, you know, what's up, bro?

• 1:12:06Speaker 03

  So this is another, the other friend, how long y'all been knowing him?

• 1:12:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, who's the other guy?

• 1:12:11Speaker 03

  Who's the other guy, like, yo, this is, this is when, no, I remember I was going through this tragic, it was a tragic breakup. It was so crazy. And I was sleeping on my friend's kid's couch and I was

• 1:12:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:12:26Speaker 03

  Not eating and all this bullshit. And kid came and sat on his coffee table.

• 1:12:33Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you were taking up his couch.

• 1:12:36Stavros Halkias?

  All the seating was spoken for.

• 1:12:39Speaker 03

  And I'm, and now I'm like Dexter Manley, I'm looking at it.

• 1:12:44Speaker 03

  And he says, hey, man, not eating is not gonna help.

• 1:12:52Stavros Halkias?

  That's a low point if your friend's son is the one who's helping you out.

• 1:12:57Speaker 03

  And then he explained, he said, yo, man, you sit on this couch, fucking not bathing and shit. You have, you have allowed this woman to make you forget who you are.

• 1:13:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  And I was like, you right, but I'm still so weak.

• 1:13:18Speaker 03

  Then that shit was over.

• 1:13:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:20Speaker 03

  It was like over. It's like, yo, man, we're, you're not supposed to let your friends wallow in nothing and you're not supposed to hold it back. But I went to go see my friends when they've gotten in out of bad relationship or out of good relationship that they felt that was so good. I'm like, yo, oh, no, she's definitely fucking him.

• 1:13:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  Like, I like, no, for real, for real. Like, she's definitely fucking him, no matter what you say. But she said she wasn't. Look in my eyes.

• 1:13:45Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, man.

• 1:13:46Speaker 03

  Look at me. I'm telling you, and I'm not a detective. I'm telling you.

• 1:13:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and so, you know, you gotta let this, either say it or fucking, or just put it out of your mind. But this kind of in-between shit, and he doesn't let his emotions around, around his friends. It's like, why, why is now the time you've decided to work on this? You know what I mean? Like, it's actually kind of insane to wait for an emergency to, to become better friends. Like, you should have been, if you really wanted his emotions out, if you really wanted a healthier whatever, you should have started this earlier, not when there's a fucking emergency happening. Let him deal with it the way he deals with it. If he wants help, he'll, he'll give you some help. Otherwise, you know, just like, shut the fuck up, get some wings.

• 1:14:33Stavros Halkias?

  And if you want to do anything for him, help him cheat on his fiancee back. That's how you become a good friend.

• 1:14:38Speaker 03

  Hey, man, do y'all have a Hooters?

• 1:14:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:43Speaker 03

  Nothing like dating a hot Hooters chick that gets you past all this bullshit.

• 1:14:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I fully agree. Somebody gets, go get some wings, tip someone, tip a Hooters waitress who's maybe struggling financially 200% and see what go, what happens from there. Just let it play.

• 1:15:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that either way, you're a no man's thing. What else you got, Elders?

• 1:15:12Speaker 07

  Hey, Sal, Aldi. I'm gonna get right to it. I'm calling from Europe. I have no idea how much this call cost me.

• 1:15:18Stavros Halkias?

  Call from Europe.

• 1:15:20Speaker 07

  Yeah, uh, okay, so my, I'm, I've had poor mental health my whole life. My parents took me out there, pretty fucked up themselves. Um, but in the last few years, I've had a breakthrough with my mental health. I cut them off and it's been difficult, but it has given me the ability to be able to write music, which is something that I've always wanted to do. I studied music, so it's not completely new to me, but, um, writing music was never something that I could do. I just, my self-esteem was so bad and, yeah, I just couldn't, I couldn't even start, but I released my first single, uh, at the end of last year, which is exciting.

• 1:16:01Speaker 07

  And I guess my question is, is it delusional for me to think that I could make a career in music even though I'm already thirty-two years old? I feel like anyone who's kind of successful is, I've been doing it all, like, I've got friends who are successful musicians, but they've been working already for ten years and, I don't know, I just feel like, is it delusional of me to think that I could, um, make this work? I mean, I'm not looking to be like hugely successful or whatever, just to make ends meet and live comfortably and have a nice time. Um, I have other things I can fall back on. I'm a trained music therapist, but I don't know, I just,

• 1:16:44Speaker 07

  ah, there's something inside me that's like, I wanna do this. I wanna,

• 1:16:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:49Speaker 07

  Yeah, do music full-time, but is it delusional of me to think that that is even a possibility? Or is it delusional also?

• 1:16:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. So is it delusional if you started an artistic career later in life to think you could have a career is basically your question?

• 1:17:10Speaker 03

  Talking to two comics. Like, I'm fifty one.

• 1:17:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  And, yo, man, if you start and you feel good about what you're doing, then you can have a successful career doing anything. If you put the work into it, you can't look at people who were younger than you, or they did it and they started when they was young. You can't run from president here until you thirty six.

• 1:17:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 1:17:39Speaker 03

  So, it's not a, it's not a time limit on your success. And this is the thing that I, I, I tell comics a lot, who ask me about advice. They always tell me about the industry and they'll tell me about all this other stuff. And I'll say, the problem is that you're taking the creator out of it. You like, everything depends on what man says and you don't understand what's been written for you or what the career, I don't know what your spiritual upbringing is, but it's still another higher power that has something to do with where you're, where you're heading and what your belief system is.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  So, don't allow your mental struggles to, because you're saying, is it delusional? No, it's not delusional, especially if you put the effort into it. It's a lot of older, music doesn't have an age, just like comedy doesn't have. Rodney Dangerfield started at fifty five.

• 1:18:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, he failed when he was younger and then he was selling aluminum siding or whatever and then he went back to it, for real, yeah, it's crazy. And so, look, yeah, I think it's about how you're framing it, right? Because it's like, is it delusional to say you're gonna be fucking Dua Lipa or fucking Taylor Swift? Yeah, okay, let's just start right there, right? You're probably not selling out arenas or whatever, but it doesn't sound like that's what you want. But is it delusional to think you can have a career, like, you know, I, like, a career in, in music? In whatever? No, it's, it's not delusional. And it's good that you have something that's kind of. Kind of related where it's like music, you know, you could be, you're a trained therapist. You could have a day job. I would have been doing stand up no matter what, right?

• 1:19:23Stavros Halkias?

  Like if I had to have a day job and I did it, I'm honestly the happiest years of my life. Where when I had a shitty day job and I was going to shows every single night and I was trying to get better at it. And I was trying to figure it out. And I'll be honest, I was literally happier then than I am now. When my career's gone good, but it's like.

• 1:19:43Speaker 03

  Just expected.

• 1:19:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and it's like there's, there's pressure, it's a job, I'm supporting people like. You're kind of in a fun part of the creative process. Where it's like you're figuring your shit out, you're putting out your first, you had a block. You had a block mentally that wouldn't let you be creative. Now you get to just create the music like. I like figuring out my hour of stand up, I like, I like working on it so much more than I like. Filming it or even people seeing it, like you have to do that. For your career or whatever, you have to package it and show people something and make some money off of it, but. My favorite part of this job is touring, is the actual creative process is, is making stuff. And I would have been doing that even if I had a day job and I could only do it on weekends. Or if I had to, if I still lived in Baltimore and I was just, and I was like, you know.

• 1:20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Would run a local show, there's people like that, you go, you know, you're on tour and you see some incredibly talented people who. For one reason or another, it's not always talent, like we were saying earlier. Some of this shit is a, it's just a lottery ticket, right place, right time. You know, the correct algorithms, I mean, we're, I think both of us. YouTube helped our careers a lot.

• 1:20:49Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 1:20:49Stavros Halkias?

  If, you know, you change that, you shift that window. Five years earlier, five years later. Maybe, you know, maybe if, if I didn't, if I wasn't doing crowd work clips. When the algorithm was just shooting those fuckers to the top for some reason. My life's a lot different. Uh, same thing with, uh, you know, Patreon and Come Town, we were making a ton of money, like. Timing's a lot of stuff. Even if the timing was bad and I wasn't doing so great, I'd be doing this for a creative reason and I would try and figure it out. And there's other things, right? With comedy, you could write, you could be, you could show run, you could, you know, produce stuff for other people. And for you too, it's like, you can, you were saying you had a friend, you know, your boy from Houston who was like a good musician, he becomes a producer, right?

• 1:21:31Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:21:32Stavros Halkias?

  You could find something, and that's the important thing, is like, living your life in a way that makes you happy, creating what you want to, and seeing where the ride takes you. It's not delusional. Don't let worrying about the future stop you from doing what you like.

• 1:21:46Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:21:46Stavros Halkias?

  And whatever happens, happens. If, if you're just putting out music for yourself and you have some small fans, whatever, but you keep a day job your whole life, but you you know, you're creating stuff you love and then maybe you make connections, you do some other shit, that's great. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'll eat my words and you are fucking Taylor Swift in ten years and you, you are selling out arenas, but, you know, who knows? But don't, don't limit yourself with kind of negative thinking. See where it can take you for sure.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  Man, I have a friend that is booked year round. He's an incredible lounge singer.

• 1:22:23Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:22:24Speaker 03

  And you don't realize how many lounges there are.

• 1:22:29Speaker 03

  Like, yo, and he, and he, when he pulls up, cause, and nobody knows him unless you're been to a lounge he's been in, then he got a cruise ship gig where it has a lounge in it, and he's like, yo, and the people are like, man, didn't I see you on Norwegian? He's like, yeah, how you doing?

• 1:22:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:49Speaker 03

  And he's ve- he's very

• 1:22:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:52Speaker 03

  well-to-do.

• 1:22:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:53Speaker 03

  Cause it a- it all adds up, you know? It depends on, I think people look at a one level of success and forget that there's other lanes of successes down there.

• 1:23:05Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 1:23:05Speaker 03

  Man, it's, it's guys who don't ever wanna be, that don't ever wanna have a special, but they've been doing stand-up for forty years.

• 1:23:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:13Speaker 03

  And making a living on, do you know how crazy it is when I found out the warm-up for a show?

• 1:23:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. A guy you've never heard of.

• 1:23:22Speaker 03

  Bet you never, he's a war, he's a warm up for a show. And he gets out and his collar's up and he jumps in a Maserati in LA. He's like, yeah, man, see you guys on Monday.

• 1:23:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:35Speaker 03

  He's like, who is it? He's like, yo, it's Chucky Brown.

• 1:23:40Speaker 03

  Been opening up for Ellen's show for 25 years. He's like, you know, fuck.

• 1:23:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and you're making, they're making like a doctor's salary doing that shit. So, yeah, we believe in you. What else you got for us, Big Eld?

• 1:23:54Speaker 05

  Big fan, let's start a cult, amazing movie.

• 1:23:57Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, man.

• 1:23:58Speaker 05

  Um, I'm just calling because my, my wife, she, she, she doesn't do blow jobs. Um, I think she maybe did one in the five years we've been together.

• 1:24:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:24:12Speaker 05

  It was pretty awesome.

• 1:24:14Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:24:14Speaker 05

  Um. She just, she says she doesn't feel comfortable, uh, whatever. Uh.

• 1:24:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:23Speaker 05

  You know, we're pretty open with each other and recently she, uh, told me a hilarious story about how she fucked one of her old guy friends in the ass with the strap on.

• 1:24:38Stavros Halkias?

  She'll do that, but she won't suck dick?

• 1:24:42Speaker 05

  And now, I just, I feel like, wow, this dirty bitch.

• 1:24:49Speaker 05

  Well, uh.

• 1:24:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow, we had the same idea.

• 1:24:51Speaker 05

  Fuck a dude in the ass. But she won't blow me and I'm just curious if you think this is fair? Do you think?

• 1:24:59Stavros Halkias?

  Fair?

• 1:25:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, you know, am I, I feel entitled to it, you know? Uh.

• 1:25:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:25:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't, I don't know, I just want to hear your opinion.

• 1:25:10Stavros Halkias?

  Fair? This man is trying to like argue statutes to get ahead from his wife. It can't be, you're not gonna debate yourself into some head, dude.

• 1:25:21Speaker 03

  Yo, your wife doesn't like your meat.

• 1:25:26Speaker 03

  Your meat probably has a stench to it. Some sort of fucking taste that she don't, that she don't agree with. You know, shave your pubic hair, wash off your damn meat.

• 1:25:37Stavros Halkias?

  Make it, yeah.

• 1:25:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, drunk is probably, is gonna be your, your avenue to this.

• 1:25:42Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 1:25:42Speaker 03

  You gonna have to get your wife drunk.

• 1:25:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:44Speaker 03

  And you may have to get fucked in the ass.

• 1:25:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:51Stavros Halkias?

  How much you willing to barter here?

• 1:25:57Speaker 03

  Maybe start off with a trap on this.

• 1:25:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Let's open negotiations. Let's open a go, it's like, uh, one inch, I hit two inches, go two, two inch of my, two inch of my ass, two inch for three, three times, three blowjobs.

• 1:26:09Speaker 03

  Oh shit.

• 1:26:11Stavros Halkias?

  Um, I mean, this is, I mean, look, here's the other thing. This is on you clearly because you're a coward and you're a pushover. I can tell from your voice. First of all, not getting head for five years is insane.

• 1:26:27Speaker 03

  From your wife.

• 1:26:28Stavros Halkias?

  From your wife.

• 1:26:28Speaker 03

  Who you legally bought.

• 1:26:32Speaker 03

  This is a ditching servant that you legally bought with love and time and you not getting like, this is fucking terrible.

• 1:26:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know what? Obviously, like, we're, we, we hate, let's just say philosophically, we hate your wife. We just don't approve of how she lives her life. We're a very pro head podcast here and we just do not see eye to eye with your wife. But this is also your fault, cause I can't fathom, like, never getting head and just being like, cool. This is acceptable. You have, you fucked up so hard when you set the parameters of what's acceptable in this relationship. And I'm a little worried that there is no coming back from this, right?

• 1:27:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:27:16Stavros Halkias?

  Um, because you, you've made it pretty much clear that, oh, haha, I don't even care about getting head. Meanwhile, you're seething every night. You're just like, just suck it, you fucking bitch, I'm fucking, I work hard. In the back of your head, you're constantly, you just want there to be some head. I think your whole demeanor has to shift. I think you have to change something about your life that you have to become a head getter. You're not a head getter right now. You're a guy who will allow himself not to be sucked off. Even in a, in a, in a long-term relationship. And this isn't like, the head's dropped off. This is from the jump.

• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  From the jump.

• 1:27:51Stavros Halkias?

  One, one blowjob in five years. That's one, that's one, the ratio of days in this relationship to blowjobs gotten is one to like eighteen hundred. That's fucking insane, dude.

• 1:28:04Speaker 07

  How do you even make it to the altar when?

• 1:28:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You're, you're on one knee. You're like, I bet, I have a ring in here, but you see how I'm on a knee? How about we switch that posture? You want this to open up? Why don't I stand up?

• 1:28:21Speaker 03

  You said I do to somebody like this?

• 1:28:25Stavros Halkias?

  Objection. Yeah, if I was your best friend, I would be like, objection, your honor. She only sucked them off once after a Halloween party.

• 1:28:33Speaker 07

  It's like when people are like, you know, before you get married, talk about kids, talk about finances.

• 1:28:38Stavros Halkias?

  Talk about your values.

• 1:28:40Speaker 07

  You need to make sure you're on the same page with getting head.

• 1:28:43Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sorry. These are, this is, this honestly might be one of my strongest held beliefs. More than literally anything is I must get head.

• 1:28:52Speaker 03

  Anything.

• 1:28:54Stavros Halkias?

  For real, for me, this might be the top.

• 1:28:56Speaker 03

  Broke up in Greece? It's like, god damn. This must have been the Greece breakup.

• 1:29:00Stavros Halkias?

  It didn't help.

• 1:29:07Speaker 03

  It's like, y'all never been nowhere romantic where she just felt like, yo, you know something, we in Paris. I gotta suck your dick in Paris.

• 1:29:13Stavros Halkias?

  That's true. You go, you take a romantic vacation and then you start decorating. You put a picture of the Eiffel Tower at your house. You go somewhere and get your dick sucked, then you try and Pavlov's dog her into fucking thinking your apartment is the same place.

• 1:29:27Speaker 03

  I would only watch porn. She would catch me watching blowjob porn. Every, I would just turn it on like a regular, hey.

• 1:29:36Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, Mike, oh yeah, you see how Mike bought it? Yeah, Mike bought his wife a new Lexus. I hear she sucks him off every day. Crazy. But truly, okay, we've, we're done clowning you and we'll say, you have to shift things here. Uh, you have to change something about yourself to become a guy who gets head. You have to be cooler, you have to be more in control of this relationship. My guess is you're just a pushover and you have to be more of a, you know, you have to be a more commanding presence, or you could trade your ass for head. Those are your two, those are kinda your two. It's also funny that she'll tell you this story, it's like, you should start telling stories about how you got sucked off in the past and how awesome it was.

• 1:30:18Stavros Halkias?

  But at the end of the day, this boils down to, you just gotta have a conver- it's hilarious, almost all problems boil down to have a conversation. And I have, I mean, it's funny, but I literally have had, I was like seeing somebody, whatever, and I did, I did notice rates of head were starting to drop off. And I for real have had this conversation where I was like, we can't have this. I was like, I'm still eating pussy at the same clip and all I want, all I want is equity in this relationship and you have to have that conversation. I mean, are you eating pussy? Cause that's another, I mean, you gotta, you gotta get in there somehow, bro. I mean, you just gotta, you gotta figure something out.

• 1:31:00Speaker 03

  This is ridiculous.

• 1:31:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and this is, this is most of this show, Ali. These are most of our problems here. I'm sure I'll just has another one of these queued up.

• 1:31:12Speaker 00

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• 1:32:41Speaker 06

  What up, Stavi? What's good, eldest and esteemed guest? This is a take two of my previous message, but yeah. So been dating this girl for about five, six months. She's really cool. I don't really see like a future with her in terms of that, you know, like marriage or anything like that. She's really cool.

• 1:33:04Stavros Halkias?

  Hilarious when I bring up a mighty man.

• 1:33:06Speaker 06

  Trip planned. We're gonna go to the east coast. We're gonna do some hiking, things like that. And I really wanna go on the trip, but I don't wanna break up with her prior to it. Because obviously I really wanna go on the trip. But I know that when I come back, I'm gonna wanna break up with her and just

• 1:33:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my God.

• 1:33:23Speaker 06

  Be a free bird again. How do I do that after having an amazing trip? Because I'm the type of person that can make the best out of any situation. And obviously, I'm not gonna make the trip hell for her.

• 1:33:35Stavros Halkias?

  You're pretending the fact that you secretly wanna blindside your girlfriend with a breakup as you triumphing over adversity and being able to make the best of the situation? This woman has no idea what she's in for. Let's finish this call before we go in on him, but.

• 1:33:51Speaker 06

  Make the best out of any situation. And obviously, I'm not gonna make the trip hell for her or anything like that. Because I'm gonna have a, you know, I'm gonna have a good time. Yeah, we're hiking in the mountains, things like that. So I just wanna know any advice on how to do that.

• 1:34:06Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:34:06Speaker 06

  Uh, for context, I don't like hurting people's feelings, so I will gladly put this all on me. I will gladly tell her that I'm, I'm the asshole, I'm this, I'm that.

• 1:34:16Stavros Halkias?

  There's no, you're not faking anything by doing that.

• 1:34:19Speaker 06

  But yeah, I'm just, I'm just curious to see what, what you suggest. Um, what are some things that I could potentially do? Or not do like to, to hurt her, like not cheat or anything, but I don't know. Come up with a story, something like that.

• 1:34:33Stavros Halkias?

  Come up with a story.

• 1:34:35Speaker 06

  Um, feel free to make it funny, feel free to put it down to paywall, whatever you, you feel like it.

• 1:34:41Stavros Halkias?

  The permission.

• 1:34:41Speaker 06

  I appreciate you, you greet God, and I also appreciate you, you Albanian producer. Thank you.

• 1:34:48Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucking insane. This is just a sociopath.

• 1:34:55Stavros Halkias?

  Just how calm he is.

• 1:34:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:34:58Stavros Halkias?

  He's talking about this like it's a normal thing. You know, when you have to secretly, you wanna fuck a girl for six months, but you really wanna go hike. You really wanna go hiking the Poconos. So you can't tell, I mean, this is insane.

• 1:35:11Speaker 03

  Yo, you the brokest motherfucker I ever even encountered. Why you can't go on the fucking hiking trip yourself if you? Why, like, why you gotta? I wouldn't even ruin the trip by going, knowing that I, I'm secretly planning on breaking up with you.

• 1:35:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:33Speaker 03

  Like, I was just like, yo, I'm, I, I don't wanna go anywhere with you.

• 1:35:37Stavros Halkias?

  You wouldn't feel guilty? I mean, basically what this boils down to is he wants to get, he wants to fuck a girl while on this trip. This is essentially a guy who's like, well, I don't see a future, but uh, what I'm gonna, I, what I have to get there a couple of days early. Get on Tinder, it's gonna be hard to get pussy on this trip, but so I'll just string this woman along. I mean, you're a, let's be honest, you're just a piece of shit, dude.

• 1:36:02Speaker 03

  This is how you get pushed off a fucking cliff while you hiking in the east coast.

• 1:36:08Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know what happened to me.

• 1:36:12Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, there's no, we're not gonna help you craft a lie. Just, just be honest, don't mistreat someone. It's not even like you're like, I don't really see a future, but we'll see where it goes. You know you wanna break up with this person. You gotta, I mean, the right thing to do is to just, is to break up before. Like, don't, or, yeah, who knows? I mean, I'm somebody who's broken up on a vacation. Maybe there will just be bad vibes immediately, but it's just kinda crazy. You don't feel guilty doing this. There's not even, that doesn't even creep in a little bit. He's just like, what's the best way to, to let her down? And it's like.

• 1:36:49Speaker 03

  And do a joke about it so I can feel like.

• 1:36:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to unload this on you. I'd love to make this your problem. Uh, but yeah, dude, you're, you're a dickhead. Uh, you should, uh, break up with her before. And yeah, what are you going half on the Airbnb? Is that what you're worried about here? What the fuck is going on?

• 1:37:09Speaker 03

  I wanna see her in a swimsuit one last time. Fuck me.

• 1:37:13Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta break up with her, dude. You're being a piece of shit. I'm sure this has already happened, probably. Uh, but yeah, in the future, just be honest with people.

• 1:37:22Speaker 07

  He says, he says he's like anti-confrontational. He doesn't like hurting people's feelings. This will be a good exercise.

• 1:37:28Stavros Halkias?

  So much worse.

• 1:37:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:37:29Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's the thing, it's like, again, clearly a coward. And that's the thing, is like, you can't, this is worse. You do, it's not that you don't like hurting people's feelings. It's that you don't like experiencing what you do to other people. You, you're like, cause you have to get better at confrontation. First of all, that's being a fucking adult. Is shit like this happens and you have to just say it. And every time you do, every time there's a hard conversation, having it makes you, like, it improves you. You become, you're better off every hard conversation you have. Just stop being a coward. Tell this woman how you feel, um, and just take a trip by yourself. I mean, you shouldn't, this is kind of like a diabolical move because if she really likes you, she thinks

• 1:38:14Stavros Halkias?

  you're getting more closer.

• 1:38:16Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 1:38:17Stavros Halkias?

  A vacation is kind of like the next step.

• 1:38:20Speaker 07

  This is the kind of thing after like six months where it's like, oh wow.

• 1:38:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, we're in a real.

• 1:38:25Speaker 07

  On a trip.

• 1:38:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:38:26Speaker 07

  We're getting a long raid on this trip.

• 1:38:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, she's telling her friends like, I think this actually, you know, he was a piece of shit. Like, this is what she's telling her friends, this is the group chat. You got, you know, and you're wrong. I told you he wasn't a piece of shit. He's taking me to New Jersey to hike. And it's like.

• 1:38:43Speaker 03

  And I'll be like, he's fucking trying to kill you.

• 1:38:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. That's, that is the other thing. It would almost be more, no.

• 1:38:50Speaker 03

  Goddamn Yellowstone. You wanna go to the train station?

• 1:38:56Stavros Halkias?

  God damn, what a fucking asshole. You really are a coward. It's like a shitty coward. You're not only a coward, but you're, you're a selfish coward and, uh, you know, we don't support that here at Stavi's World. And it sounds like you can get a girlfriend, so just break up with her and get somebody else if you really want to. The longer you do this though, the more of a piece of shit you are.

• 1:39:13Speaker 03

  But she has the tickets to the, to the trip.

• 1:39:15Stavros Halkias?

  But her dad works for American Airlines, we're gonna fly on a buddy pass.

• 1:39:20Stavros Halkias?

  We're flying standby. I don't wanna buy tickets.

• 1:39:26Stavros Halkias?

  You got something nice for us to go on? I, I know you gotta get out of here, Ali.

• 1:39:31Speaker 06

  Hey, Stavi.

• 1:39:34Speaker 06

  Just, uh, caught you on the Dreamboat Tour in Vancouver. Uh, wicked show, man. Um, but I'd like to formally apologize on behalf of all of Vancouver for the, uh, boo birds when you're making fun of us for being on England's dick.

• 1:39:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Canada's pathetic in that way. You know, they still have, they still have like the royal family in England on their money. It's like fucking, they're, it's like, England is not there anymore, bro. They can't do shit to you. Get off their dick, it's pathetic.

• 1:40:04Speaker 06

  Uh, we are working on it, okay?

• 1:40:07Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:40:09Speaker 06

  That's what we are. We're the little brother up here.

• 1:40:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:11Speaker 06

  Um, anyway, to my question, um, I am a thirty-five-year-old, uh, recently divorced, uh, single dad of one five-year-old daughter, and I was recently at a park and a woman approached me. She was there with her two kids.

• 1:40:28Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:40:28Speaker 06

  And, uh, me being naive to the fact and like newly newly single and back in the dating world, she was very clearly hitting on me, uh, but I didn't clue into it. Um, so I'm just like wondering what like etiquette is for this. Like, obviously, it's kind of tough sometimes to meet women when you're a parent. Um, like, is it okay to, you know, approach a woman, like, hit on them if they're with their children? Like, that seems slimy to me. Um, or obviously, like, just feel the situation out and like let it evolve naturally. Um, like, if small talk starts and whatever.

• 1:41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:07Speaker 06

  But, uh, yeah, any advice would be appreciated. Cheers.

• 1:41:12Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm, I'm an expert at this one.

• 1:41:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:15Speaker 03

  I don't, I don't approach women with their children. Like you say, it seems slimy, but this, this case, you were being approached.

• 1:41:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:41:23Speaker 03

  She saw that you were being a nurturing father.

• 1:41:25Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:41:26Speaker 03

  And she looked at her crushed life with her two children.

• 1:41:29Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 1:41:30Speaker 03

  I would like that.

• 1:41:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:33Speaker 03

  Um, think about the Brady Bunch, man. You know, it was two single, you know, people, and they had kids and, but this is totally a cool thing, especially if you the one doing the pickup. Don't approach women with their kids. That's just me. And I would, I would have went for this. And, and, and I'm like you, I never know when women are hitting on me. It, it goes over my head all the time. And if you like.

• 1:42:02Stavros Halkias?

  You've known it a few times. How many kids we got?

• 1:42:04Speaker 03

  Uh, no, no, I was, I was definitely hitting on them.

• 1:42:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, okay, I see, I see.

• 1:42:08Speaker 03

  That was definitely me.

• 1:42:08Stavros Halkias?

  I see, I see, I see.

• 1:42:09Speaker 03

  I'm like, yo, what's up, Sha?

• 1:42:12Speaker 03

  You look nerdy.

• 1:42:14Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha, gotcha.

• 1:42:15Speaker 03

  Um. That was, that, that would be my advice. You, you missed, you missed this one. Maybe you can go back to that same park, have your daughter. Don't, don't do like my father did.

• 1:42:25Stavros Halkias?

  That starts looking pathetic though. It's like, hey, you're swinging your daughter. You guys seen that lady from here? Anybody seen that lady?

• 1:42:33Stavros Halkias?

  Can I go home? Not yet. She's, she's here any minute.

• 1:42:36Speaker 03

  That's my father. My father was clearly using me to pick up ladies. Take care of my son.

• 1:42:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and the important thing to remember is that, you know, these women have been crushed by life. They're not naive anymore. They're, you know what I mean? Like, that's the other thing. It might seem a little slimy, but it's like, they're, it's not, this isn't like high school. There's no like nerves. It's like, you're dealing with people who have been through the meat grinder, who just wanna, and they might just, they might, you know, they might wanna, they might wanna new dad for their kid. They might just want, they might just wanna, you know, get fucked every once in a while. Cause their life is stressful. Maybe you're not, maybe you don't even meet their kids. Maybe you're just meeting at a courtyard Marriott, uh, you know, every six weeks. Maybe that's the relationship, but it's like, don't be naive. It's all good. You're all adults here and yeah.

• 1:43:27Stavros Halkias?

  I think, and you obviously have more, uh, you know, uh, uh, experience here. But my guess is even, like, don't approach women in a slimy way if you see somebody. But if you're just making small talk at a, at a like, you know, uh, park or whatever, and it's like, you could just feel it out, you know what I mean? Like, if, if you just sort of hit it off with somebody, or you see someone at the same park, or the same whatever, daycare, whatever it is, like, you know, you get a report, it's just like anything else, except, I think the, the thing with a single mom is like, there's no real time to waste either. You know one way or another. You'll know pretty soon if they're interested in you. Cause it's like, they have to pencil you in between like, after school programs and cooking dinner and all this other shit. It's like,

• 1:44:13Stavros Halkias?

  they'll let you know. It's pretty efficient, I would guess, but.

• 1:44:15Speaker 03

  Keep your kid with you.

• 1:44:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:17Speaker 03

  If you're approaching women with children, keep your kid with you.

• 1:44:21Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:44:21Speaker 03

  Other than that, you seen like real.

• 1:44:23Stavros Halkias?

  No, I should make that caveat. You gotta have your own kid. Don't, don't go to playgrounds like, what's up? How you guys doing?

• 1:44:30Speaker 03

  Everybody's out here okay? Slime ball.

• 1:44:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. No, no parental, no male figure, huh? Must get pretty hard.

• 1:44:40Stavros Halkias?

  Do you want a Nintendo Switch, little guy?

• 1:44:43Speaker 03

  Like you gotta do with the money on the thing. Almost got it.

• 1:44:50Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, pretty funny stuff here. Is that your fin- was that your finale, Eldis? You have a fun one for us, or was that it? That was the fun. That was fun? Fun final one. Okay, wasn't that fun? Just kind of a regular question, but you know, that's what we, that's what we expect of the, of your produce. Do you know any Albanians? They got Albanians in Houston?

• 1:45:07Speaker 03

  It's probably some there.

• 1:45:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:09Speaker 03

  But ever since Taken, I probably said the same.

• 1:45:16Speaker 03

  Ever since, you know, certain, you know, you, you was, I was definitely coming to see you 'cause my, one of my favorite movies, I'm fucking horrible for this, but if people ask me, my great big fat Greek wedding.

• 1:45:29Stavros Halkias?

  My big fat Greek wedding. Great movie.

• 1:45:31Speaker 03

  Oh, my goodness. I watched all, all of them.

• 1:45:34Stavros Halkias?

  All three, yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:35Speaker 03

  And I fucking loved that movie, like.

• 1:45:37Stavros Halkias?

  She's great, yeah.

• 1:45:38Speaker 03

  This is when I know I love a movie, 'cause it, it doesn't matter when, what part it's on.

• 1:45:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, you hop on, you're like.

• 1:45:46Speaker 03

  I just, oh, okay, here we go.

• 1:45:48Stavros Halkias?

  Here comes the party, here comes all the cousins.

• 1:45:50Speaker 03

  I am in, no matter when. It's like coming to America. I'mma watch it if it's at the end or the beginning.

• 1:45:56Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:45:56Speaker 03

  It don't matter.

• 1:45:57Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:45:57Speaker 03

  That's my, that's my, and now to see them grow up and their daughter grow up, it was just a, that's a, that was a great film.

• 1:46:04Stavros Halkias?

  It's fun, yeah. Shout out to Nia Vardalos, Greek legend. I think it's one of the most profitable, like, uh, I think it's like the most profitable romantic comedy ever or something like that. She has some kind of crazy, some kind of crazy record, uh, because it was a completely indie movie. And it was like, uh, yeah, what do we got, Eldis? Worldwide total of 368 million, being the highest grossing romantic comedy of all time. She made 368 million on a $5 million budget, so shout out to her. Never, never reached number one. She made the most money never being number one, so salute to her. I remember we were taking, our church would take like bus trips to a, to, to go see, like, Greek people were just lining the fuck up to see that movie, so.

• 1:46:47Speaker 03

  That shit was crazy.

• 1:46:48Stavros Halkias?

  There's a little plug for my. Big fat Greek wedding and also Ali Siddique, he's got, you know, specials are out. The Fatherhood, or what's it called?

• 1:46:59Speaker 03

  Rugged comes out on Father's Day. Yeah, and we announce, we open up the announcement for the second half of the tour. Tomorrow, actually, you know, he's gonna sell tomorrow for pre-selling. Friday for regular population and then, speaking of weddings, Marcus D. Wiley, a special that I produced for definitely not five million.

• 1:47:26Speaker 03

  Marriage is major surgery, so yeah, you know, just keeping it moving, man.

• 1:47:30Stavros Halkias?

  Go check it out. Truly so much good stuff on the YouTube and, you know. I mean, I said it at the beginning, but it's like, you're incredibly prolific, so when people go, they go to your YouTube, it's like, there's so much stuff to dig into and I think you guys are gonna really like it. Ali, thanks for coming, man.

• 1:47:46Speaker 03

  Oh, man, thanks for having me.

• 1:47:47Stavros Halkias?

  Anytime, anytime you're in New York, please come back and we will talk to you guys next time. Bye-bye.

• 1:48:10Speaker 00

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• 1:49:09Speaker 01

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