459 - We’re Both Skiing

On today's episode, Georgia and Karen cover the death of Sandra Birchmore.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Everyone loves the idea of spending an afternoon curled up with a good book.

• 0:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, grow up, because it's almost impossible.

• 0:12Georgia Hardstark?

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• 0:15Karen Kilgariff?

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• 0:24Georgia Hardstark?

  Whether you want a mystery, a true crime story, or something completely different, there's always something new to listen to.

• 0:29Karen Kilgariff?

  New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com/mfm.

• 0:34Georgia Hardstark?

  Audible, stories that speak to you.

• 0:36Karen Kilgariff?

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• 0:43Georgia Hardstark?

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• 0:49Karen Kilgariff?

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• 0:52Georgia Hardstark?

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• 0:57Karen Kilgariff?

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• 1:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye.

• 1:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Hello.

• 1:24Karen Kilgariff?

  And welcome.

• 1:25Georgia Hardstark?

  To my favorite murder.

• 1:27Karen Kilgariff?

  That right there is Georgia Hardstark.

• 1:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Hello, that's me. And that right there is Karen Kilgariff.

• 1:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 1:34Georgia Hardstark?

  See ya later. She's not participating, and she refuses to talk to you.

• 1:38Karen Kilgariff?

  She stormed out. She is really mad.

• 1:43Georgia Hardstark?

  What did you guys say to her? Jesus.

• 1:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, my God, all you said was hello and welcome.

• 1:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Oh, it's, uh...

• 1:51Karen Kilgariff?

  This is a special, this is a special episode? Is that what you're gonna say?

• 1:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, something like that.

• 1:55Karen Kilgariff?

  We're on vacation, you guys. This is, we're not even here. This is fake, if you're hearing us.

• 1:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 1:59Karen Kilgariff?

  We're somewhere else skiing. We're skiing.

• 2:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Are you skiing?

• 2:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, we're both skiing on the same set of skis. That's how we go on vacation.

• 2:08Georgia Hardstark?

  Phew, I'm glad you told me beforehand.

• 2:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Yep.

• 2:11Georgia Hardstark?

  I gotta practice.

• 2:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Get ready.

• 2:12Georgia Hardstark?

  Okay. That's our vacation.

• 2:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, so we're on vacation, so this is a short episode and we will be back soon. But we don't ever want to leave you entirely. God forbid we do that.

• 2:23Georgia Hardstark?

  No, no, no. So we're gonna do just one story each. No, that's how we do the every episode. One story per episode. Today's my day. So as you guys know, we're doing our holiday tradition where we make donations throughout the month of December.

• 2:40Karen Kilgariff?

  And today, we're donating $10,000 to The Trevor Project. The Trevor Project aims to end suicide among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning young people, and to ensure those young people see a bright future for themselves.

• 2:56Georgia Hardstark?

  And if you'd like to join us in donating to this very important cause, go to their website at thetrevorproject.org.

• 3:03Karen Kilgariff?

  And if money isn't the thing you can give right now, they also have volunteer opportunities where you can work as a virtual volunteer to support young people, to help them navigate tough times and prevent suicide.

• 3:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Do you want to do some highlights from our podcast network, Exactly Right Media?

• 3:19Karen Kilgariff?

  You know, we're all on vacation. There aren't that many highlights, but we just want to tell you some important stuff, like for example, the good news that the Exactly Right store now has gift cards, and they're the perfect last minute gift. So grab yours now at exactlyrightstore.com.

• 3:34Georgia Hardstark?

  And if you want the latest on your favorite podcasts on Exactly Right Media, follow us for updates on shows like this podcast will kill you and buried bones. Our handle is at Exactly Right on all social media platforms. Please give us a follow. It just kind of helps with metrics and shit, you know?

• 3:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, and if you're loving the podcasts here on Exactly Right, then we beg you to go rate, review, and follow wherever you like to listen.

• 3:57Georgia Hardstark?

  It's like a little Christmas Hanukkah present for us and for those podcasts.

• 4:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Right, but also all year round. So Valentine's, Easter, whatever. We're gonna keep asking for this present.

• 4:07Georgia Hardstark?

  The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 4:11Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 4:17Georgia Hardstark?

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• 4:20Karen Kilgariff?

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• 4:46Georgia Hardstark?

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• 5:03Karen Kilgariff?

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• 5:11Georgia Hardstark?

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• 5:14Karen Kilgariff?

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• 6:15Karen Kilgariff?

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• 6:20Georgia Hardstark?

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• 6:25Karen Kilgariff?

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• 6:30Georgia Hardstark?

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• 7:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 7:34Karen Kilgariff?

  All right. Are you gonna tell me a story?

• 7:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, this one's a hardcore one.

• 7:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Okay.

• 7:39Georgia Hardstark?

  And just a kind of heads up, this case is still currently playing out in the courts. So it's a really interesting one to follow.

• 7:47Karen Kilgariff?

  And if we were in England, we wouldn't be able to talk about this right now.

• 7:50Georgia Hardstark?

  We know that now in the UK.

• 7:54Georgia Hardstark?

  So this is a tragic and really honestly infuriating story that I had somehow never heard about, even though it was going on right over in Boston. As I said, it's still playing out in courts. And I checked on our Gmail, and we only had a couple of mentions of it by murderinos, which I was really surprised about because you guys were always emailing us, like, you should cover this case. And have you heard of this? So that was surprising. So I'm glad we're covering it. This is the story of the death of Sandra Birchmore. And just a note and a warning, this story involves grooming of a teenager for sexual assault and discusses suicide. So just a warning there. So the main sources I used for this story are an article in Boston Magazine called The Betrayal of Sandra Birchmore by Michelle McPhee.

• 8:37Georgia Hardstark?

  I highly recommend this article. It's really incredible. And I also use reporting from the Boston Globe. And the rest of the sources can be found in the show notes. Okay, so it's February of 2021, pretty recently. And Sandra Birchmore is a 23 year old woman living in Canton, Massachusetts. It's a Boston suburb, like it's on the outskirts of Boston, but it's like part of that Boston community. And Sandra has her own little apartment and new job teaching as an assistant at a local school.

• 9:08Georgia Hardstark?

  So it's been a hard fight for her to get to this place. Growing up, Sandra had both had struggled both academically and socially in school. Her teachers say that she acted like a kid who couldn't get enough attention at home, which kind of made her act out, but not in a bad way. Like kind of just wanting attention from the teachers, but that also made her a target for bullies.

• 9:29Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 9:30Georgia Hardstark?

  She would try to hang out with the teachers a lot, clearly just craving attention and validation from adults. And because of this, she was often isolated from her peers, which is really sad. Sandra had grown up without a father. Her last name Birchmore comes from her mother's late husband who died before Sandra was born, so who wasn't her father. And she actually never knew her biological father. Sandra's mother, it sounds like she did her best under very tough circumstances, but their relationship is often strained. And Sandra isn't always closely looked after. One of the most important people in her life is a grandfather figure. It's like a, he's like a older family friend who actually acted like her grandfather.

• 10:12Georgia Hardstark?

  And he's a decorated army veteran and he fosters in Sandra from a young age, a deep admiration for law enforcement. And makes her want to go into that field. When she's 12 or 13 years old, I'm not totally clear on that. Sandra's mother enrolls her in the police explorers program in their hometown of Stoughton, Massachusetts. Obviously spelled in a way I would have said wrong if the phonetic.

• 10:37Karen Kilgariff?

  That's all of Massachusetts cities.

• 10:39Georgia Hardstark?

  There's a G in there, you know?

• 10:41Karen Kilgariff?

  All kinds of G's and A's and T's.

• 10:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. So it's Stoughton. This is a program run by the Boy Scouts, now called Scouting America, with local police departments where children become junior police cadets and learn about police work. Sandra had begged to join this program and her mother finally makes it happen when she's 13. And during this time in the Explorers, Sandra does better academically. She finds some community and friendship in the program. And it seems like she really flourishes by finally getting to do this. So around the time Sandra graduates from high school, Sandra's mother writes a letter to the deputy police chief who runs the Explorers program, thanking him for its impact on Sandra's life. It's clearly made a difference. Tragically, Sandra's mother dies shortly after this.

• 11:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, God.

• 11:28Georgia Hardstark?

  And I know, losing the only parent in her life leaves Sandra unmoored, of course, and vulnerable. Sandra's two aunts move in with her to support her, but their relationship is kind of tense and strained. And it takes her a few years to find her footing. But by late 2020, Sandra is in a much better place. She's in community college. She's made some very close friends with other young women there. Her aunts, cousins, friends, and coworkers consistently describe her as relentlessly positive. Even in the toughest circumstances, she's also very talkative and upbeat. In fact, a lot of people would classify her as a bit of an overshare, which is like, hi, welcome.

• 12:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Hi, yes. To me.

• 12:12Georgia Hardstark?

  She will often tell her new coworkers everything that's going on in her life, even if it's the first time they've had a conversation, which I fucking do too. It's a way that's like a bid to get connection, you know?

• 12:22Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, completely. And I think it also is, I feel like I was reading recently, yeah, it's a coping mechanism that we learn early. And that, just like you're saying, is a bid for connection, but also I think there's a little bit of a, I'm just thinking of how I do it.

• 12:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 12:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Where it is that kind of thing of like, this is, it like, get to know me. And then if you don't like it, then you can go.

• 12:44Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 12:45Karen Kilgariff?

  That kind of.

• 12:45Georgia Hardstark?

  Rather than us spending a bunch of time together and realizing you don't, we don't like each other. Let me tell you what's wrong with me now, so you can walk away if you want to.

• 12:53Karen Kilgariff?

  And yeah, and if you don't like any of this, then then great, we're all on the same page. It's kind of like that, like it's also, that's very controlling. It's kind of trying to say, I can't deal with the basic back and forth nuance of a normal adult relationship. I have to run it this way, where it's like, throw it on the table if you don't like it.

• 13:12Georgia Hardstark?

  It's like over vulnerability in a way that you that isn't authentic somehow.

• 13:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, it's, I think it's from maybe past transgressions where vulnerability has been a bad idea for you. And so you just don't want it to happen again. So you're like, fine, here's, here's how we're gonna run it.

• 13:29Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, and I'm in charge of it. Totally, that makes absolute sense. Sandra is a redhead with a ton of freckles, sweet little face. She looks younger than she is her whole life in these pictures I've seen of her. So all this oversharing she's doing includes some exciting news. At the very end of 2020, Sandra finds out she's pregnant. Her friends say she's absolutely thrilled about it. She's only a few weeks along, but she's already shopping for baby items and scheduling doctor's appointments. And she's told quite a few people, because that's the way she is, and she's excited. And she has plans to announce the pregnancy on Valentine's Day, according to her texts with friends. She's planning a gender reveal. She even already asked a friend to watch her two cats when she has to go deliver the

• 14:14Georgia Hardstark?

  baby in the hospital, which is months away.

• 14:17Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 14:17Georgia Hardstark?

  So she is excited about this and and planning for it.

• 14:20Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Georgia Hardstark?

  So on February 4th, 2021, when Sandra fails to show up for work, her colleagues are concerned and they call the police for a wellness check. So that day is a Thursday. On the previous Monday, there had been a heavy snowstorm and school had been dismissed early. So it sounds like school is back in session on Tuesday and Wednesday, but for whatever reason, no one checks in until Thursday. When Canton police arrive at Sandra's apartment, there's no answer at the door. The door is locked, but they see her car in the parking lot covered in snow. So they assume she's there. They get a key from the building management and they let themselves in. So when they get to Sandra's bedroom and hear, just the warning is the description of a death rule to be suicide.

• 15:04Georgia Hardstark?

  They find her body and the immediate impression is that she has died by suicide. It appears she has hanged herself in a seated position from the door to her bedroom closet. Yeah, it's very distressing. Sandra's two cats are in the apartment and they're fine, but it appears she made no arrangements for their care. If she was planning to take her own life, you know, she had made plans for months in advance when the baby was born. Why wouldn't she have done it then as well, right?

• 15:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Right. And also, why would she be making plans months in advance?

• 15:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Exactly, exactly. And this is just one of the many details the Canton Police overlooks in their initial investigation into Sandra's death. The police call in help from state troopers and emergency medical personnel also report to the scene, although Sandra is already dead. A state trooper notes that there appears to be no sign of foul play and the medical examiner also rules the death a suicide. He says that Sandra had died several days earlier. So Sandra's aunt, a woman named Darlene Smith, is named as the emergency contact on Sandra's lease. And so when she gets the horrific news about her niece, she's immediately suspicious and knows shit's not adding up.

• 16:19Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 16:19Georgia Hardstark?

  She calls her other niece, Sandra's cousin, a woman named Barbara Wright, who totally agrees as well. These two grieving women are tasked with cleaning out Sandra's apartment in the days immediately following her death. And this is what they find. Sandra had been in the middle of doing laundry when she supposedly took her own life. She had a load going in the dryer and a load in the washing machine. She had sent text messages back and forth with a few different friends about random everyday things. And on the evening she died, she had scheduled an OB appointment. So, you know.

• 16:53Karen Kilgariff?

  Crazy. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Yeah.

• 16:55Georgia Hardstark?

  No, the math's not mathing, as they say. When going through the apartment, they find a homemade sign that says, "Congratulations, we're going to be parents," assumably to whoever the father was. It's written in elaborate script with magic markers, has glitter and animal stickers on it. Clearly, she's excited about this. They find an ultrasound photo decorated with more glitter. They find Sandra's necklace, which she always wore. It's a gold chain with a flamingo pendant, and it's found on the floor. And the chain is broken and it's next to like a clump of hair, as if they had been pulled, you know? And the police either never saw it or simply never explained it away. Because it's left behind.

• 17:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 17:37Georgia Hardstark?

  Both Barbara and Denise knew that Sandra had a boyfriend and that he was a police detective and that he was married.

• 17:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, no.

• 17:46Georgia Hardstark?

  So here we fucking go.

• 17:47Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, here we go.

• 17:48Georgia Hardstark?

  We're talking about the Boston PD and specifically the Canton PD and the Stoughton PD. And so, I mean, I can't even begin to tell you all the shit that's going on with them right now.

• 18:00Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, is that where that case?

• 18:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Yep.

• 18:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, my God. What's that woman's name?

• 18:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Karen Reed. So what we're talking about is the fact that recently the citizens of Canton voted in favor of an independent third-party audit of their police department because they didn't have faith in them because shit is going on. And one of those things that's going on is the trial of this woman named Karen Reed for the alleged murder or accidental car accident death of her boyfriend, who was also in the PD. But as you know, it just sounds, it's shit's blowing up. It's wild. And there's a really great two-part article in Vanity Fair called Karen Reed Tells Her Story, Part One and Two,

• 18:50Georgia Hardstark?

  that'll tell you everything about it. That's really good. And this happened a couple of years before Karen Reed, the Karen Reed case, has come to light. A lot of people think that because of the investigation into what's going on with Karen Reed, this case has resurfaced to the FBI agents who are investigating Karen Reed's story. And there's some red flags here.

• 19:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, there's about eight red flags and you just started telling me this story.

• 19:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Exactly.

• 19:16Karen Kilgariff?

  God.

• 19:17Georgia Hardstark?

  So, in fact, lots of people knew this information, that this police detective was her boyfriend. Sandra had told friends and coworkers that she was pregnant and that he was the father. She had described the situation as tense. The officer's name is Matthew Farwell, and he's 35 years old. And Sandra is 23. At this point, we should make it clear, Matthew was charged with Sandra's murder this past August, more than three years after all this happens. But he has not been convicted. So just to let you know. Sandra's aunt and cousin both immediately tell investigators that they believe Matthew should be questioned because this is suspicious. It takes two days after Sandra's body is discovered for investigators to look at the security footage from the lobby of her apartment.

• 20:02Georgia Hardstark?

  Two days. So the footage initially shows Sandra coming home to her apartment on Monday and just kind of, you know, doing some errands in and out of the apartment building. And in this footage, Sandra's wearing the clothing she is later found in. And so this confirms the medical examiner's timeline and makes it even more specific. Sandra died on Monday, February 1st. And this is further corroborated by the health data on her iPhone because it records her last steps at 9:40 PM that night.

• 20:32Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow.

• 20:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Which I find so interesting that they can just track that now.

• 20:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Kind of creepy.

• 20:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 20:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 20:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. The security footage then also shows a man, authorities have confirmed to be Matthew Farwell, the police officer, in a hooded jacket and like a COVID mask, arriving at the lobby at 9:08 PM. He gets in the elevator and then is seen leaving the building at 9:43 PM, three minutes after Sandra's phone records her last steps.

• 21:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Hmm.

• 21:04Georgia Hardstark?

  Let's back up a little to the troubling part of the story where Sandra Birchmore first meets Matthew Farwell. This would have been when Sandra joined the Police Explorers Program in 2010.

• 21:15Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, no.

• 21:16Georgia Hardstark?

  When she was just 13 years old. And Matthew was 24 years old. So about Matthew, after dropping out of high school, he joined the military and then got a job with the Wellesley Police Department. And over the first two years of Sandra being in the Explorers Program, Matthew took a special interest in her and would spend time helping her with her homework, both at the program and outside of it at the public library. During this time period, Matthew moved from the Wellesley Police Department to the Stoughton Police Department, but he had worked with the Stoughton Explorers Program the whole time, so he's in this Explorers Program. From an outside perspective, at the time, Matthew's interest in Sandra would look like the program was working as intended, setting vulnerable kids up with police mentors.

• 22:03Georgia Hardstark?

  Federal prosecutors now say that Matthew spent the first two years of the program grooming Sandra. Starting in April of 2013, when Sandra was 15 and Matthew was 27, federal prosecutors now allege that Matthew began sexually abusing Sandra. This would have been one month before Matthew got married to his now-wife, and was going on at the time. This period is often described as the relationship "becoming sexual" or "crossing a line," but because of the age difference, and if it happened the way federal prosecutors say it did, it's sexual abuse, is what we're explaining.

• 22:41Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 22:42Georgia Hardstark?

  Matthew will later admit that he and Sandra had a relationship, but he claims it started after Sandra became an adult. And the bulk of the evidence for the federal charges, which say the relationship began when Sandra was underage, is based on extensive text messages between Matthew and Sandra.

• 22:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 23:00Georgia Hardstark?

  It's a little hard to refute.

• 23:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 23:02Georgia Hardstark?

  It appears the earliest messages available are from 2019, but in them, Matthew seems to back up the prosecutor's timeline. And in one text, he says, and it's creepy and flirtatious, that he would have started the physical relationship when she was even younger than 15. This relationship continued consistently for the next seven years, but it gets even darker than just Matthew using his position of power to groom and abuse Sandra, allegedly. Because the evidence points to this being a bigger problem within the Explorers program, sometime around 2017, once Sandra was about 18, federal prosecutors say that two other men who worked for the Stoughton Police Department also had physical relationships with her.

• 23:46Karen Kilgariff?

  With Sandra?

• 23:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Mm-hmm. One was Matthew Farwell's twin brother, who was also a police officer, and the other is the deputy chief who ran the police Explorers program from the time Sandra joined to when she was 13, the same man that Sandra's mother wrote a thank you note to for all she's done for Sandra.

• 24:07Karen Kilgariff?

  This is horrible.

• 24:08Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Georgia Hardstark?

  All three men were aware of this dynamic between themselves and Sandra. So the men would also sometimes see Sandra while they were supposed to be on duty. Sandra had joined the Explorers program as a vulnerable girl without stable adult relationships, according to both federal prosecutors and the Stoughton Police Department's own internal investigation. The men she met in this program used this in order to exploit her. Over the course of 2020, when Sandra is 22 and 23, Matthew's texts to her also become increasingly creepy and violent in tone. In their exchanges, they would talk about how he would perform certain sex acts as, quote, "punishment" for what he deemed "bad behavior" on Sandra's part.

• 24:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Throughout 2020, Sandra becomes fixated on the idea of having a baby with Matthew. They would fight more and more often, and she essentially presents this as an ultimatum. If they have a baby, she won't reveal the relationship to his wife and to higher-ups at the police department. Sandra, at this point, has confided in multiple friends about what's going on with her relationship with Matthew. One of them urges her not to have a baby with Matthew and told her, quote, "Trying so hard to get pregnant, she was going to get herself killed," end quote. At the end of 2020, Matthew eventually agrees to have the baby. And according to text messages, their text messages that have been released in the federal

• 25:37Georgia Hardstark?

  indictment, in the process of the agreement, he also negotiates with her about getting to enact violent fantasies. And those texts are very disturbing. I'm not going to repeat them. In December of 2020, Sandra finds out that she's pregnant. Even though Matthew had seemingly agreed to have the baby, he doesn't react well to the news, he texts Sandra, quote, "I have literally nothing to say right now. How far are you?" End quote. And Sandra writes back, quote, "Regardless of how far, we're keeping it," end quote. She also writes that she will insist that he sign the birth certificate. And that's partly because she didn't have her birth father's signature on her birth certificate and, you know, that upset her.

• 26:20Karen Kilgariff?

  Well, and it feels like, and this is obviously, I have no idea, but just hearing the details of what you've told me from the outside, it's like she is trying to get the thing that she never had, build the thing she never had with a person who does not want to give it to her and not only never intended to give it to her, but who has been the last person she should be trying to do that with. But obviously, if she's been groomed since she was in junior high, then she actually doesn't really know anything about, she wouldn't be able to, but then she's also been completely under the influence of this grown man.

• 27:00Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, it makes sense that this is how she thinks she should start a family because there's no, there's nothing else that's ever led her to believe otherwise, you know?

• 27:10Karen Kilgariff?

  It's, it's so tragic and it's also the reason they say a lot of times pedophiles groom children who are at risk because there are, those voices aren't there to tell them that or defend them or anything. It's just, it's, it's a tragedy on top of a tragedy.

• 27:26Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. The holidays are coming, which means we'll all be spending more time away from home.

• 27:31Karen Kilgariff?

  Whether you're visiting family or doing something actually fun, you want to know your home is protected while you're away.

• 27:37Georgia Hardstark?

  That's why now is a good time to think about home security with SimpliSafe.

• 27:40Karen Kilgariff?

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• 28:06Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, I really think that's invaluable peace of mind that just like relying on your neighbors, paying attention is not going to give you. We've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer our listeners their biggest savings of the year, 70% off your New system with professional monitoring when you visit simplysafe.com/mfm.

• 28:23Karen Kilgariff?

  That's simplysafe.com/mfm. And when you order, write in MFM at checkout and it tells them we sent you and it really helps the show.

• 28:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Simply Safe, ahead of crime in real time.

• 28:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. The most annoying thing about dinner is that you have to keep making it.

• 28:38Georgia Hardstark?

  And every single time you have to figure out what you're going to eat.

• 28:42Karen Kilgariff?

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• 28:45Georgia Hardstark?

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• 29:19Karen Kilgariff?

  It's easy and it's good for you. You're not just ordering another pizza. You're gonna love Hungry Root.

• 29:24Georgia Hardstark?

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• 29:29Karen Kilgariff?

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• 29:33Georgia Hardstark?

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• 29:40Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. Cozy season is nearly upon us.

• 29:43Georgia Hardstark?

  That means crisp weather and soft layers.

• 29:46Karen Kilgariff?

  Prepare accordingly with fall staples from Bombas.

• 29:49Georgia Hardstark?

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• 29:59Karen Kilgariff?

  There's a Bombas sock for pretty much any fall occasion, from warm merino wool blends to sweat wicking sport socks and dressier options for weddings.

• 30:07Georgia Hardstark?

  And for every Bombas item purchased, they donated an essential clothing item to someone facing housing insecurity with more than 200 million items donated so far. Okay, so when fall comes around, I have a pair of the Bombas booties pretty much in every room so I can grab them when my feet inevitably become freezing, which they are constantly. And they're so comfy. You can wear them around the house. I wear them to bed and they just make everything feel a little cozier.

• 30:33Karen Kilgariff?

  Head over to bombas.com/mfm and use code MFM for 20% off your first purchase.

• 30:39Georgia Hardstark?

  That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash MFM, code MFM at checkout.

• 30:45Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 30:48Georgia Hardstark?

  Sandra's text messages show that in January of 2021, Sandra writes to a friend saying that Matthew had basically pushed her down to the ground when she showed him the ultrasound photo, saying, quote, "That's not my child," end quote. At the end of January, Matthew texts Sandra to ask if he can come over. He asks, when he comes, he asks for a key to her apartment in case he needs to be there during the pregnancy. And he's generally acting much nicer to her than he has in the previous months. But also on that visit, she tells her friends that Matthew inspects her bedroom closet and her bathroom, and she texts her friend about it because it's so strange.

• 31:29Georgia Hardstark?

  But also, she says, he seems like he's coming around because, you know, for the key and everything.

• 31:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 31:36Georgia Hardstark?

  Then, on February 1st, 2021, is the day of the snowstorm. When Sandra gets home early from work, she does those mundane things I talked about. Matthew texts, asking to swing by at 9:08. He enters the building at 9:14, which means he was close by, and leaves at 9:43, locking Sandra's door behind him with the key he had asked her to make. And then, this is so disturbing, so based on the clothes he's wearing in the footage from the lobby, he goes seemingly directly or in the same clothes to the hospital where his wife is giving birth to their third child.

• 32:10Karen Kilgariff?

  No, oh, God.

• 32:11Georgia Hardstark?

  And there's a photo of him holding the baby, the new baby, in those clothes.

• 32:14Karen Kilgariff?

  [sighs]

• 32:15Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 32:16Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow.

• 32:17Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah. Again, Sandra's family and friends are suspicious of the suicide ruling by the medical examiner. And when they bring up Matthew Farwell's name to the investigators, and when he's seen on Sandra's building's security footage, a state police detective, but who's also a former Stoughton officer, interviews him.

• 32:37Karen Kilgariff?

  Hmm.

• 32:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Which is like, maybe not, dude, maybe some conflict of interest there.

• 32:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Maybe.

• 32:43Georgia Hardstark?

  The interview is super brief. It takes place in a parking lot, so it's totally informal. It's obviously like, just almost seems like, you know, let's get this over with and blow this off. Farwell describes a recent casual relationship with Sandra and admits he did visit her the night she died, and that they had a brief argument. And he says that he had ended their relationship that night. And he denies being the father of Sandra's child, says like, we didn't, we haven't had sex in months. A week later, on February 9th, Matthew turns his phone over to state troopers. They say they look through it and they say they don't find anything noteworthy in it. So either he deleted the text and they didn't look any further into it, or they just didn't look into it.

• 33:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 33:21Georgia Hardstark?

  We don't, I don't know. But while all this is going on, multiple people are telling higher ups at the Stoughton Police Department about Sandra's relationship with Matthew and the involvement of Matthew's twin brother and the deputy chief, the one who ran the explorers program. So people are talking because this is fucking suspicious as shit, you know?

• 33:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, right.

• 33:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Everyone, it's like clear to anyone, especially those involved.

• 33:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Especially people that have some sort of a conscience or some sort of an ethical center.

• 33:47Georgia Hardstark?

  Right, right. Or basic understanding of like detective work.

• 33:52Karen Kilgariff?

  Also, basic, like, human decency.

• 33:56Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah, yeah. At this point, Stoughton has its first ever female police chief, a woman named Donna McNamara, and thankfully she launches an internal affairs investigation. So this internal affairs investigation finds significant evidence backing up all of the allegations. It also uncovers the thousands of text messages between Sandra and Matthew, which the state troopers, for whatever reason, were unable to recover. Oh, there they are. So the results of the internal affairs investigation are made public in September of 2022. At a press conference, Chief McNamara says Sandra was, quote, "failed by, manipulated by, and used by people of authority that she admired and trusted right up until her

• 34:41Georgia Hardstark?

  final days. Ms. Birchmore was a vulnerable person who had one constant in her life, an unwavering admiration for police officers, of those serving in the military, people in uniform, people with oaths and duties to protect and serve. The admiration led her to form relationships with men who were willing to take advantage of her," end quote. And she had also tried to join the military as well.

• 35:05Karen Kilgariff?

  Oaths and duties to protect and serve really is kind of the banner, that's the banner statement where just like it's, it's gone so insane with policing in America. It's just so out of control.

• 35:18Georgia Hardstark?

  It is.

• 35:20Georgia Hardstark?

  The information uncovered by this Internal Affairs investigation shows that the deputy chief who ran the Explorers program also acted inappropriately with other girls in the program. And it finds the timeline of Matthew Farwell's relationship with Sandra meant that he committed statutory rape. He is placed on leave that same month, but nobody presses charges for years. That is 2022. So then in May of 2024, The Marshall Project, which does investigative reporting about the criminal justice system, runs a story about widespread grooming and abuse in the police Explorers program across the country. And it also discusses Sandra's death.

• 36:02Georgia Hardstark?

  And so at the time the article is published, the reporters find about 200 complaints of misconduct in the nationwide program, and more have since come out. So this development and others bring much more attention to Sandra's death, and many people join a movement to pressure the Norfolk County District Attorney to build a criminal case against Matthew. So on Wednesday, August 24th, 2024, this past August, Matthew Farwell is indicted on federal charges of murder. At this point, he's no longer employed by the Stoughton Police, but it's the first time anyone has brought any charges against him. And it's the first time much of the evidence from his texts with Sandra and Sandra's other online activity is released to the public.

• 36:46Georgia Hardstark?

  So people are pissed.

• 36:48Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 36:49Georgia Hardstark?

  And it's like, kind of goes all the way to the top situation.

• 36:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Right. That's like, it's the, the act itself, the, the potential, the potential of that being true, and like, whatever this, the trial is going to result in. But then also just the overall corruption of like, so you would actually protect something this craven? You would actually, you would actually participate in it, and you would make sure it gets to keep happening? That's just like, that's horrifying in so, on so many levels.

• 37:19Georgia Hardstark?

  For an innocent girl to be murdered? That's fine with you. That's, that's an okay trade-off to protect this person.

• 37:28Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 37:29Georgia Hardstark?

  And this institution. The federal investigation also uncovers overlooked forensic evidence. A pathologist from the FBI finds that Sandra had injuries that would be inconsistent with the way her body was found. There's a fracture in her hyoid bone, which any fucking true crime amateur knows is from strangulation, right?

• 37:51Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, can be. I think Paul Holes one time talked about how that is a, it's a very easy bone to break. So it isn't immediately proof.

• 38:00Georgia Hardstark?

  However, and that's true, and it also does happen when you, when a person's been hanged from the ceiling, not from a sitting position. It's never happened when someone's hanged from a seating position.

• 38:12Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow.

• 38:12Georgia Hardstark?

  So it's actually, has no place here at all. It points otherwise. If she had been hanging from, you know, the ceiling, then it would have been a different story.

• 38:20Karen Kilgariff?

  Got it.

• 38:21Georgia Hardstark?

  So additionally, the FBI investigation reexamines photos from Sandra's apartment, taken by either Canton police or state troopers on the day her body was found. And in the photos, Sandra's flamingo necklace, the one that was found broken on the floor by her family, is clearly visible. The broken chain is hanging off of her neck, and the pendant is resting on her stomach, as in she was wearing it when this happened.

• 38:48Karen Kilgariff?

  And it slid off.

• 38:50Georgia Hardstark?

  It got ripped off somehow, because it's broken.

• 38:54Karen Kilgariff?

  Oh, got it.

• 38:54Georgia Hardstark?

  So how would that happen without a struggle?

• 38:59Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 39:00Georgia Hardstark?

  So somehow this necklace migrated from her body to the floor while investigators were on the scene. They didn't collect it as evidence, they just left it behind. Which is like, why wouldn't you? It's because it's, this is evidence that like, points to a struggle, you know?

• 39:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. Or they're just, they're actually not even looking that closely.

• 39:18Georgia Hardstark?

  Right. They already have said, this is suicide, let's move on.

• 39:21Karen Kilgariff?

  Right.

• 39:22Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. So far, no state or county charges have been filed against Matthew. So the FBI has made their evidence available to those agencies. Sandra's loved ones and thousands of people who never knew her in life continue to pressure the DA to rectify the mistakes that local law enforcement made on this case. To bring their own charges. You know, you can't help but wonder what good Sandra Birchmore could have done if she had been able to follow her actual dreams of being in law enforcement. And maybe she would have mentored a new generation of at-risk kids who dreamed of being in law enforcement and, you know, had become the good cops we need so badly.

• 40:01Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah.

• 40:02Georgia Hardstark?

  On the day of the federal indictment, one of Sandra's friends told reporters, quote, "Sandra, we can't bring you back, but we're fighting for you." End quote. And that is the story of the alleged murder of Sandra Birchmore.

• 40:14Karen Kilgariff?

  Wow. I mean, I, so I remember seeing like an article about that, I think, when that first broke of like, this is like this controversy. And the reason, like, it sticks in my mind is because you're saying that the, that program she joined was from Boy Scouts of America.

• 40:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 40:34Karen Kilgariff?

  Which, if you have ever seen Leave No Trace, which is a documentary about the Boy Scouts of America, it is harrowing and hair-raising. What a, basically, it's a program that almost encourages pedophiles and people who have ill intent toward children.

• 40:53Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 40:53Karen Kilgariff?

  And the idea that then they're going through it, it's like, we're going to take this and now implement it through policing.

• 40:59Georgia Hardstark?

  Yeah.

• 41:00Karen Kilgariff?

  The people who seem to have ultimate authority over everybody all the time, like, what a nightmare.

• 41:05Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. And then like, not without oversight, but with oversight by those predators.

• 41:11Karen Kilgariff?

  By their, yes, the same people. Wow. That's going to be kind of fascinating to see how that case turns out. It is that thing of like, once you kind of pull, pick up that rock and like, let the sunshine come through, it's like, it at least gives people hope for like, if one thing gets exposed, then the exposure spreads.

• 41:32Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. Like, you're pulling a thread, a loose thread, and the whole fucking thing falls apart.

• 41:36Karen Kilgariff?

  Phew. But God, these are like, these ones are bad. It's. You know, we don't want to sit on here and talk about anything like we know anything, but like, this is, what this podcast is, is us consuming media and going, wow, as an average American.

• 41:54Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally.

• 41:54Karen Kilgariff?

  What in the hell is going on? Well, great job.

• 41:58Georgia Hardstark?

  Thank you. So, yeah, all right. So that's this week. You go next week.

• 42:02Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah, we'll just keep our vacation promise to you. Hey, we're gone now, we're skiing at the moment, but...

• 42:09Georgia Hardstark?

  Tandem skiing.

• 42:10Karen Kilgariff?

  We still want to tell you all of the horrible things that are happening in the world so that you can have a good holiday.

• 42:16Georgia Hardstark?

  So we're here with you. We hope you're having a good holiday season and it's not too insane. Make sure to go tandem skiing with your loved ones.

• 42:23Karen Kilgariff?

  Yes, and also, if you need a palate cleanser and we don't have the one we normally build in, go over to the Minisode's because there's some real joyful shit happening over there. Real fun time stories, real good stories about people's grandmas and their trash dads and those games where you step into a cabinet and money gets blown all around you. What's it called? Money, a money...

• 42:45Georgia Hardstark?

  A money booth.

• 42:46Karen Kilgariff?

  Money booth. Money booth. There's a lot of money booth stories.

• 42:49Georgia Hardstark?

  Lot of fun stuff. It does feel like a little camaraderie spot, the Minisode's, where it's like, we're a little, we're in like a club, you know? And everyone's just like telling their fun stories and fucked up stories too, so they're still there, but fun stories to each other. It's all there.

• 43:03Karen Kilgariff?

  Yeah. And, you know, in the meantime, we'll see you when we get back. Stay sexy.

• 43:08Georgia Hardstark?

  And don't get murdered.

• 43:10Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye. Elvis, do you want a cookie?

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Ahhh.

• 43:21Karen Kilgariff?

  This has been an Exactly Right Production.

• 43:23Georgia Hardstark?

  Our senior producer is Alejandra Keck.

• 43:25Karen Kilgariff?

  Our managing producer is Hannah Kyle-Creighton.

• 43:27Georgia Hardstark?

  Our editor is Aristotle Acevedo.

• 43:30Karen Kilgariff?

  This episode was mixed by Liana Scolacci.

• 43:33Georgia Hardstark?

  Our researchers are Maren McLaughlin and Ally Elkin.

• 43:35Karen Kilgariff?

  Email your hometowns to [email protected].

• 43:38Georgia Hardstark?

  Follow the show on Instagram and Facebook at MyFavoriteMurder.

• 43:42Karen Kilgariff?

  Goodbye.

• 43:49Karen Kilgariff?

  Vacation planning should feel like a breeze, not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best deal.

• 43:54Georgia Hardstark?

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• 44:00Karen Kilgariff?

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• 44:03Georgia Hardstark?

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• 44:08Karen Kilgariff?

  Go to CheapCaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress-free vacation planning should be.

• 44:14Georgia Hardstark?

  Goodbye. You know a favorite M-word? Magnesium.

• 44:18Karen Kilgariff?

  Like the kind that's in Dr. Teal's magnesium spray.

• 44:21Georgia Hardstark?

  Made from a proprietary blend of topical minerals, it's designed to relax and prepare you for a night of rest.

• 44:26Karen Kilgariff?

  If you need a reset after your day, make Dr. Teal's magnesium spray part of your nighttime routine.

• 44:31Georgia Hardstark?

  Generously spritz each foot before bed, and you'll be all set. I've actually started doing this, and I'm obsessed with magnesium. It does everything.

• 44:38Karen Kilgariff?

  Something like this is just like, it's simple, it's easy, and it actually works.

• 44:41Georgia Hardstark?

  Totally. For wellness you can feel, find Dr. Teal's magnesium spray, online or in your local bath aisle. Goodbye.

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