The Conan Slabaroo

Conan chats with ad designer Micah in Kansas City, Missouri about how to make fast food look tasty for the camera, the worst promotional misfires, and Conan’s very own specialty combo meal. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:06Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:07Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Or Oki.

• 0:08Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:09Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. A little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get ahead, start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 0:55Conan O'Brien?

  The holidays are supposed to be about making memories, not managing the mess that comes with them. Between winter weather, road trips, shopping, and family gatherings, your vehicle can take a beating. Mine sure does.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Same.

• 1:06Conan O'Brien?

  Especially when I'm back in the Northeast, driving around. I mean, I grew up with that.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10Conan O'Brien?

  Cars were red, the salt on the road, people throwing rocks at me.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Whaaat?

• 1:15Conan O'Brien?

  That's not a weather thing. That's more of a me being, making people angry problem. WeatherTech helps protect your vehicle from snow, slush, salt, and seasonal messes. They also make the best gifts for automobile protection, from floor liners and cargo liner to side window deflectors, even gift cards. Great for today and to prevent future messes. Everything is built to last, easy to clean, and designed for harsh winter conditions, okay? I grew up with this.

• 1:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:42Conan O'Brien?

  And the salt would eat away the car. We actually did have a Chevy. My dad had a Chevy Impala, and the floor rusted out and you could see the road going by.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Oh!

• 1:50Conan O'Brien?

  Boy, we were praying for WeatherTech and we didn't even know it. That was before it existed.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:56Conan O'Brien?

  So get a gift today at weathertech.com.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Stop, stop. No, seriously, though. No, no, no, not now.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  It's over. Guys, Micah is here. Hey, Micah, how are you? Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

• 2:20Conan O'Brien?

  Micah, how are you?

• 2:22Speaker 05

  Good. Did I interrupt a fight?

• 2:24Conan O'Brien?

  There was no fighting, no fighting.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  We're stupid.

• 2:27Conan O'Brien?

  We are adults, Micah, and to think that we would be slapping at each other's shoulders like children.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:34Conan O'Brien?

  Trying to get the last hit in before you arrived is, it's chimerical. It's foolish and beyond crazy. We'd never do that.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  It's absurd. Footage.

• 2:43Conan O'Brien?

  Micah, Micah, old friend. Where are you coming to us from? Where are you in the world?

• 2:49Speaker 05

  I'm in Kansas City, Missouri. The map.

• 2:51Conan O'Brien?

  Very nice. I love Kansas City. Had some fantastic barbecue in Kansas City. Wonderful.

• 2:57Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. It's kind of like talking like politics or religion out here.

• 3:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there's a beautiful, I stayed in a beautiful old hotel, like from the 20s that had been restored in downtown Kansas City. And I can't remember the name of it. Oh, I've been all over. I was a traveling salesman at the time. Micah, tell me, you seem like a nice fellow. Is that a cork, giant cork board behind you? What's behind you?

• 3:21Speaker 05

  I think so. I'm using one of the meeting rooms at my job. They probably need this room for a meeting, but I'm just camping out in it. I think it is cork, though.

• 3:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's so funny. It's, yeah, it looks like you're almost gonna be pinned up to it.

• 3:36Conan O'Brien?

  Micah.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  What?

• 3:37Conan O'Brien?

  Don't listen to me, Micah. I'm having a hard day. I'm not making a lot of sense today, Micah. Micah, what do you do at this company? What is this company?

• 3:46Speaker 05

  So I'm a designer. I work for an advertising firm.

• 3:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. You know, my wife.

• 3:50Speaker 05

  And I work on.

• 3:51Conan O'Brien?

  Worked in advertising when I met her. And so.

• 3:53Speaker 05

  Oh, no kidding?

• 3:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, that's the world she came from.

• 3:56Speaker 05

  Oh, cool.

• 3:56Conan O'Brien?

  And so you work at an advertising firm? And what's your, do you have a specialty in advertising?

• 4:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I work on a big fast food client. And I've been working with them for about 12 years. And I do all the, me and my team, we do all the design work and we shoot all the food photography just about every month, which, as you can imagine, it's pretty.

• 4:16Conan O'Brien?

  I have a couple of questions.

• 4:17Speaker 05

  Pretty tempting.

• 4:17Conan O'Brien?

  I'm guessing you can't tell us the name of the fast food place.

• 4:21Speaker 05

  I cannot tell you.

• 4:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. And you can't even probably give us hints, like, they make a good taco, or...

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Are you loving it?

• 4:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Conan O'Brien?

  They're the king of fast food burgers.

• 4:37Conan O'Brien?

  You know, that's all, yeah, kind of thing, you know? Whatever, it's not important.

• 4:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:41Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, it is important. I will find out and I will disclose it to my fans.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  Yes, you will.

• 4:46Conan O'Brien?

  So, you are the person who does photography for fast food, is that right? You're like, you're in charge of the whole thing?

• 4:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, so, so, once a month, we fly out to our photo partner in St. Louis, and it's a several-day shoot. And it gets, it gets intense with the food stylist and getting to work with them and direct things, you know? We'll fuss over strips of lettuce on a burger for a good hour, just making sure it's perfect. It's perfect, it's perfect.

• 5:14Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know, I've noticed, when you, when you look at photographs of food, especially fast food, everything looks, it's like the most perfect burger you've ever seen. Or the display of fries, the way the different fries, individual french fries, splay out perfect. I mean, it's all done with such attention to detail. What's it like to be setting that up? I mean, it's gotta be a lot of pressure.

• 5:38Speaker 05

  It is, I mean, it's fun for me, because I'm not the food stylist, right? So, I get to just, well, I see something here and I get to move this around, but...

• 5:45Speaker 03

  You're the dick.

• 5:46Speaker 05

  You know?

• 5:48Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 5:49Speaker 03

  Well, like, you know, he's the guy who's like, eh, that piece of, you know?

• 5:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Lettuce isn't right, and then he's like, move it.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  Too many onions.

• 5:58Conan O'Brien?

  That poppy, that poppy seed is shaped a little like Lyndon Johnson.

• 6:05Speaker 05

  Oh, you would not believe, you would not believe how many times we and some of our clients see different faces or different things and like, why is there a worm in that bacon? It's like, is there still a worm in the bacon?

• 6:17Conan O'Brien?

  But if you stare at anything long enough, you're gonna see your worst nightmare. When you're there, is the food edible? Or has the food become just a, is it cold? And you've covered it with? I mean, do you do stuff to the food to make it photographed better, so that it's kind of inedible?

• 6:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, so years ago, you were able to just do whatever you wanted to it to just have it keep. But I think just because of regulation and lawsuits of late for a lot of people. All the food that we shoot, it's edible.

• 6:49Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 6:50Speaker 05

  We had our, one of our food stylists, not for my client, but he had to actually rebuild a burger in front of a judge in court of law for a lawsuit.

• 6:59Conan O'Brien?

  Wow. Whoa, really? To prove that he could do it?

• 7:02Speaker 05

  To prove that this is real, we're not using anything fake. This is how we shot it, just like this. It was crazy.

• 7:08Conan O'Brien?

  I once, before an award show, I went to a stylist and I accidentally hired a food stylist.

• 7:16Conan O'Brien?

  And I only knew when they were, they were spreading mustard under my eyes. Pouring lettuce on your head? Yeah, and I had lettuce for hair. And on the red carpet, I just killed it. People, remember that? I got more, it was the cover of Us Weekly.

• 7:31Speaker 05

  You just need to spritz the tomato, that's all.

• 7:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I mean, in the old days, I always heard that they would practically coat the burger with, you know.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  Motor oil.

• 7:41Conan O'Brien?

  Motor oil or whatever they had to do to make it look appealing. So that.

• 7:45Speaker 05

  Ice cream used to be mashed potatoes. It's, it used to be crazy.

• 7:48Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. Is this true? So now they would coat a burger with motor oil?

• 7:53Speaker 03

  No, but for syrup, I heard they used to do that. They used to put motor oil on the, on the pancakes.

• 8:00Conan O'Brien?

  And then until they burst into flame during a photo shoot. Remember? The Great Pancake Fire, 1987?

• 8:07Conan O'Brien?

  700 people were killed.

• 8:09Speaker 05

  I must have missed that.

• 8:10Conan O'Brien?

  And three buttermilk cakes were lost.

• 8:11Speaker 03

  But the pictures were pretty.

• 8:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I, when my wife worked in advertising when we met, she was, I think, on a food account for, I probably shouldn't say, but she was working on a cookie that if you dipped it in milk would like turn the milk blue, I think.

• 8:28Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 8:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and it later turned out to be plutonium. Yeah. Illegally sourced it.

• 8:36Speaker 05

  So your wife invented plutonium?

• 8:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:39Conan O'Brien?

  Turned out that she was a spy and.

• 8:43Conan O'Brien?

  Saddam Hussein paid her a lot of money for that cookie. It was a long time ago, a long time ago. But, uh, so you're there and you're, did you, you must have moments, because I have these moments all the time in my life where I'm doing what has become my work. And I step outside my body and I say, how did this become my career? And you must have moments where you're there and 15 people were standing around looking at a triple cheeseburger and people are with tweezers, moving a pickle slightly to the right and you must step outside your body and go, how did this happen?

• 9:18Speaker 05

  Absolutely. No, that happens all the time, especially when we're on set shooting things, because it's literally exactly what you said. It's a whole team of people just looking at me sometimes going, is it good? Is it ready? I'm like, no, it's...

• 9:32Conan O'Brien?

  It's not there yet.

• 9:33Speaker 05

  Let's move, let's move the bun back a little bit or, you know, the limeade just needs a little more ice on top.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 9:38Speaker 05

  We're almost there.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Limeade.

• 9:41Conan O'Brien?

  That's a clue.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Can you, can you have free food always? Do you have?

• 9:45Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, Sona goes right to the heart of the matter.

• 9:47Speaker 03

  Do you always have free food? Can you just go?

• 9:48Conan O'Brien?

  Do you get, do they cater it with the food from the company?

• 9:51Speaker 03

  Or can you go and get free?

• 9:53Conan O'Brien?

  Hold it, just settle down.

• 9:55Speaker 03

  I know, I'm excited.

• 9:56Conan O'Brien?

  Sona just wants you to mail her a burger, that's all.

• 10:00Speaker 05

  I will, I will show up with a bunch of food if you want me to the studio.

• 10:05Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 10:07Conan O'Brien?

  You're gonna drive with the food from Kansas City?

• 10:10Speaker 05

  Oh, absolutely.

• 10:11Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to be sensitive. First of all, let's talk about it. In advertising, it's all about the client. So is the client there? I'm guessing the client is there.

• 10:20Speaker 05

  Yes, client's there. Luckily, clients, our clients are amazing, fantastic.

• 10:25Conan O'Brien?

  I've always heard Ronald McDonald's a very nice guy.

• 10:29Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then the Hamburglar comes along and something goes missing.

• 10:34Conan O'Brien?

  So anyway, uh, your clients are nice, that's good. And clearly you've been with them a long time.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  Long time.

• 10:43Conan O'Brien?

  And do you ever like go to the actual venues? Do you ever go to the, the fast food restaurants and check out how the photographs are being displayed? You know, in the-

• 10:54Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:54Conan O'Brien?

  And, and you know, in the restaurant or a lot of stuff is drive-through now, isn't it? I mean, so many places are just drive-through.

• 11:00Speaker 05

  Most of it is. No, we, I will go and some of my other designers in copyrights, we will go once a month to make sure like it is presented properly. You know, some, some stores don't get it quite right, but you know-

• 11:12Conan O'Brien?

  Now, what would be a mistake? Meaning, when you say they don't do it quite right, the lighting isn't right on the burger that you beautifully shot?

• 11:19Speaker 05

  No, like we, we make sure all of our stuff is great and good to go to print. I'm talking about sometimes there will be, oh, an entire menu is just displayed upside down.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 11:30Speaker 05

  So after doing several, several-

• 11:32Conan O'Brien?

  I love that they didn't catch that on their own.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  They installed it.

• 11:35Speaker 05

  Uh, what's the problem? Looks okay to me.

• 11:41Conan O'Brien?

  You notice they're wearing their pants on their head. Their shoes on their ears.

• 11:45Speaker 05

  I don't see any trouble here.

• 11:51Conan O'Brien?

  I have to go to the ceiling now and use the toilet.

• 12:02Conan O'Brien?

  Owning a car or home comes with responsibilities. Sure, it's fun, but sometimes it makes you wonder why you ever longed for adulthood in the first place. I do that all the time. I'm like, oh, these bills, these bills. What am I gonna do?

• 12:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:14Conan O'Brien?

  You know, when you own a house, you gotta fix it yourself. Sona.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:17Conan O'Brien?

  You, you see this to be true, right?

• 12:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, your garage door breaks and you're like, well, I have to fix it.

• 12:22Conan O'Brien?

  Probably at first you said, hey, I'll get the super to fix it. It's your house, dude.

• 12:25Speaker 03

  It's mine, dude.

• 12:26Conan O'Brien?

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• 12:38Speaker 03

  Liberty, liberty, liberty.

• 12:40Conan O'Brien?

  It's in my head all the time.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, me too.

• 12:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Start your quote at libertymutual.com.

• 12:49Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:55Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:04Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin, why are they getting all specific about?

• 13:16Speaker 03

  Because it's family.

• 13:16Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 13:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:20Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife. I don't know, I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:27Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse. Crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 13:57Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly, Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 14:18Conan O'Brien?

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• 15:04Conan O'Brien?

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• 15:23Speaker 06

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• 15:59Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, okay, so that's funny that you and this posse of yours drive around and I just hear like the Peter Gunn theme. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Kind of. And you like cruise in.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:12Conan O'Brien?

  But you're not just there like other customers, you're there to check it out. Oh, yeah. Make sure that everything is... Like undercover boss.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  Oh, you know, they go to like through the drive-thru and they're like, "What can I get you?" And you're like, "A right-side-up menu, bitch."

• 16:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, bitch.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:24Conan O'Brien?

  And then you peel out for no reason? Killing four people?

• 16:30Conan O'Brien?

  You'll be hearing from me. You'll be hearing from me. We'll be back when your menu is right-side up. I love that you have to check on that. I hope they put the menu right-side up. I'll have a remha burgerahi. A what? A remba ha gahi. Do you mean hamburger? That's what it is, upside down.

• 16:54Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 16:55Conan O'Brien?

  Um, wow, that's really fun.

• 16:59Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know that I'd be of any help to you in your, uh, it sounds like you've got your, you know what you're doing. I think if I came into your life...

• 17:05Speaker 03

  You'd make it worse.

• 17:06Conan O'Brien?

  I don't, I think I would just make it worse. I would have, because I would want to do funny things to the burger and I know that your client, whoever your client be, um, wouldn't appreciate me putting a funny slant on their hamburger. Like, I would want to put a funny hat on it or an eye patch. You know, something to just sort of lighten the mood a little bit. You know?

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, I mean, we we like to have fun with our copywriters. We like to send some fun headlines around new burgers or, you know, slushes first time around. See, see if it'll, you know, tickle the fancy of the crowd.

• 17:36Conan O'Brien?

  Sure, yeah.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Another hint.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:38Conan O'Brien?

  We're writing down the hints.

• 17:38Speaker 05

  If you need a copywriting, if you need a copywriting gig, we might be hiring.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  You'd be good.

• 17:43Speaker 05

  You want to work?

• 17:43Conan O'Brien?

  I think I'd be OK at copywriting, but my copywriting might get very strange. I'd be edited a lot, and a lot of my stuff wouldn't be used, and I'd be frustrated. Yeah, you know?

• 17:53Speaker 05

  You'd be writing over my shoulder, just have it, now put this in the layout.

• 17:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 05

  OK, now put this one in. All right, here we go.

• 17:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 18:02Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, it's, so, I mean, I'm, my hat's off to you. I mean, it sounds, it sounds like it'd be a fun job. It sounds like it's something you enjoy.

• 18:09Speaker 05

  It is fun. It's so fun.

• 18:11Conan O'Brien?

  Does it make you critical when you're watching television and you see a rival fast food chain, and they're displaying their burger or their nachos or whatever, and you don't like it? Are you like, ha, ha, they fucked up?

• 18:26Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 18:27Conan O'Brien?

  That nacho cheese looks like diarrhea.

• 18:31Conan O'Brien?

  Right? Do you ever do that?

• 18:33Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, no, I can't turn it off. I'll even be on, like, vacations with my husband and I. I'll just be taking photos of other, like, food promotions and posters. And he's like, could you just not for one day?

• 18:44Speaker 03

  That would drag me nuts.

• 18:45Speaker 05

  Like, we are on vacation.

• 18:47Conan O'Brien?

  For one day.

• 18:49Speaker 05

  Stop thinking about food.

• 18:52Conan O'Brien?

  I had an interesting experience, which is, we shot a show years ago in Cuba. And I was looking at the food presentation, because you go to the restaurant, and all the, there'd be pictures of the food out front, and the menu. And I go like, oh, that's pretty interesting. And then you'd go inside, and you'd have the food. And then I'd go to the next restaurant, and it was exactly the same, and then exactly the same, and exactly the same. And I realized, oh, there, it's state-owned. Everything was state-owned.

• 19:18Speaker 05

  Oh, sure.

• 19:19Conan O'Brien?

  And still, it is state-owned. So, when you go decide, when you're trying to decide which restaurant to go to in a state-owned, you know, country like Cuba,

• 19:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:29Conan O'Brien?

  where everything is under the, what, a socialist system? Everything's the same.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:34Conan O'Brien?

  And so it's this weird idea.

• 19:36Speaker 05

  Variety.

• 19:36Conan O'Brien?

  I think tonight we'll go to, you know, Chester's. And you're like, Chester's is the exact same thing as David's. Yeah, it's all exactly.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  There's one Mica, probably, for the entire country.

• 19:48Conan O'Brien?

  There's one Mica.

• 19:49Speaker 05

  There probably is, yeah.

• 19:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there's one Mica.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 05

  I have freelances in Cuba.

• 19:54Speaker 07

  Wait, can I ask a question?

• 19:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:56Speaker 07

  Have you gotten to do anything with like those robots that make the food? Like the drinks or anything?

• 20:02Speaker 05

  Oh, not not making the actual food, but on photo shoots for some drink specials like for slushes or again Lime Aids. They'll have the robotic arms doing twisting. They'll have like the robotic arms twisting and pouring syrup at the same time so that we get this really cool twisty visual while it's going into the drink.

• 20:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, so you're talking about the cam- the camera? You're talking about the actual camera? Is because sometimes I'll be watching, I mean, it works. I'll be watching television, just scanning TV and a commercial will come on and suddenly I'll see different brightly colored syrups swirling through time and space and hitting this creamy shake. And I just want it at that moment. I mean, you're basically, you are, you have the human brain hardwired, don't you? You know exactly how to make food, uh, look a certain way so that I must have it, right?

• 20:58Speaker 05

  Yes, yes.

• 20:59Conan O'Brien?

  You're controlling my mind, Sona's mind, you're controlling David's mind. You're in control.

• 21:04Speaker 05

  Constantly.

• 21:05Conan O'Brien?

  It's incredible.

• 21:06Speaker 07

  And we fall for any marketing tactic. We are like a marketer's dream.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, we really are. We are. It works.

• 21:12Conan O'Brien?

  Even you just.

• 21:13Speaker 05

  I meal plan for you all, essentially.

• 21:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 21:17Conan O'Brien?

  That's so cool. I mean, there's, uh, I like it sometimes when they show, it'll be like a shake and they're trying to show you that they add chocolate bits. So the, the beautiful chocolate is swirling or the vanilla is swirling and then a shower of little chocolate chips and flakes comes down. Do you know what I mean? And perfect.

• 21:37Speaker 05

  Beautiful, isn't it?

• 21:38Conan O'Brien?

  It's gorgeous and I think, put classical music to this.

• 21:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:42Conan O'Brien?

  And this is what I want to see as I'm leaving this world. And I want to see the faces of my children and my loved ones. I want them to roll in a TV, hook me up to the morphine. And then I want to see little flakes of chocolate dancing through the sky as they hit the pillowy soft creamed ice.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 22:01Conan O'Brien?

  That's what I want to see.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  I like when they bite into the burger in those commercials. And then I just think, I want to be that person that's biting, you know, they like bite.

• 22:12Conan O'Brien?

  Also, I have a theory that they get people with very small hands. I know what you mean. No, no, but I have a theory that they get people with very small hands to make the burgers look bigger.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 22:20Conan O'Brien?

  So that there are burger holders and biters who have, who have, who look, they were born with very small mouths and very small hands. But in every other way, their proportions are correct. And you guys hire them so they can lift up the burger up to their mouth and then it's just mammoth. And they go to take a bite and they, they open their jaw and they take the tiniest bite. You realize if I had that burger, I could live for a year. And then all this juice comes out.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, and it's like the burger's having an orgasm. It's crazy.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  Yes. Oh, I want it. Now I want a burger.

• 23:00Conan O'Brien?

  So you said, I'm not wrong. There are tiny hand people out there with little jaws. If you are out in the world and you see someone go to pay for the check with a little tiny hand. And they go, this one's on me. And they've got a very tiny mouth. Then you can just say to them, you're a burger holder. A professional burger holder. And you try and put cuffs on them to take them to the police station, but they slip off.

• 23:27Conan O'Brien?

  But you can gag them by putting a little pea in their mouth. Just one green pea. Look, I lost my mind here, Micah.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 23:34Conan O'Brien?

  My brain broken. You didn't.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 23:37Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry. Did you have a question for Conan? Question? How do we follow that up?

• 23:43Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 23:45Conan O'Brien?

  There's no way he could have a question after that. Do you?

• 23:48Speaker 05

  I do have a question.

• 23:49Conan O'Brien?

  Boo.

• 23:50Speaker 05

  I might, I might pivot slightly on my original question I had for you.

• 23:53Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 23:54Speaker 05

  So in, in fast food.

• 23:55Conan O'Brien?

  Are you insane?

• 23:59Speaker 05

  No, in the fast food world, there's a lot more celebrity endorsements and customized drinks or meals, right? So if Conan O'Brien had a custom drink or combo, what would it be?

• 24:11Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, if I had a, oh, I mean, if I had a custom drink or combo, can you give me an example? Like, what celebrities have a custom drink or combo?

• 24:18Speaker 05

  So I think, I think Mariah Carey had one a while ago, and it was, it was just a slight twist on a classic burger and fries and drink, but what's the Conan O'Brien like? Cardi B has had one.

• 24:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, or like the Hailey Bieber smoothie. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Um, me, let's see, well, I mean, it'd have to be ham-based, because, you know, I'm so Irish, my bones, I did, I had an MRI recently, and they said, "Your bones are made of ham." 1970s ham. So, um, you know, if, it would have to be, I mean, I'm just saying, I'm not putting it out there, but like a heart, an Arby's that has like a ham sandwich where there's giant slices of ham.

• 25:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:02Conan O'Brien?

  It would have to be that kind of thing, uh, to be stay, be true to my, my Irish roots. Just big chunks of ham. Ham. Can you shoot ham in a way that's attractive, or is ham always just ham?

• 25:15Speaker 05

  Well, we can, are we calling it the big chunks of ham combo?

• 25:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. The ham, the ham chunker, or the slabaroo. The Conan Slabaroo. The Conan Slabaroo. See, that name is so seated with it. Okay, yeah.

• 25:29Speaker 05

  Conan Slabaroo.

• 25:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and I'd be paid hundreds of dollars for my association with this product.

• 25:35Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, yeah, it's gotta be.

• 25:36Speaker 05

  And we'll have the tiniest hands hold it for you.

• 25:37Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God.

• 25:40Conan O'Brien?

  We have to find the tiny hands tomorrow. Tiny hands and tiny mouth.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna do it.

• 25:45Conan O'Brien?

  You are gonna do it.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Yelling at them?

• 25:50Conan O'Brien?

  What? Yelling at them.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  You are gonna do it. You're gonna hold his burger and you're gonna eat. Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. Please don't, don't hurt my hands.

• 26:00Conan O'Brien?

  Hold it better. Okay, so yes, if you could hook me up with, it's gonna, I don't know what other fast food chains have ham as a staple, but it's gonna have to be ham.

• 26:09Speaker 05

  I will pitch it to our clients come Monday morning.

• 26:12Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, so your clients have ham. Interesting. Got it, we've narrowed it down now. Limeade and ham. Yeah, the limeade and ham special. Wow, this is a, this is a soft, this is a fast food place that's going down the toilet fast. How come no one's coming in for our limeade and ham drink? Big chunks of ham floating in line. What's wrong?

• 26:34Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 26:35Conan O'Brien?

  Quiet, small mouth.

• 26:39Conan O'Brien?

  We're not ready for the photo shoot.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:42Conan O'Brien?

  All right, well, really fun talking to you, Micah. You're a very funny, smart, cool person, and I wish you well, I really do. It was fun talking to you.

• 26:50Speaker 05

  Oh, thank you. Can I just say one more thing?

• 26:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 05

  I know you get a lot of compliments. Just me being a fan all these years, me and my company, what we do, even though it's advertising, it sounds pretty, you know, superficial, but like, we love to just bring joy, comfort, and meaning to people.

• 27:04Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 27:05Speaker 05

  And your podcast, and you all three have been doing that for me and my creative director Jase for years, so we thank you.

• 27:09Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, thank you so much. Well, I will tell you this, there's really, I'm always watching ads and seeing really funny stuff that I think, oh, I wish I had thought of that. There's a, the line between, you know, what I do and advertising, and, I mean, creativity is creativity, so we're all trying the same thing.

• 27:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:30Conan O'Brien?

  We're all just trying to make, I don't think you should hem and haw it all about being in advertising, and like I say, my wife, who's the most important person in the world to me, she was in advertising, and she loved it, and she's an incredibly creative person, so, I don't know, I don't think, I think you guys should hold your heads high and get a ham sandwich out there with my name on it. Okay?

• 27:52Speaker 05

  We will, we absolutely will.

• 27:54Conan O'Brien?

  All right, all right. Take care, man. We'll see you.

• 27:56Speaker 05

  All right, thank you all so much.

• 27:57Conan O'Brien?

  Bye-bye.

• 27:59Speaker 08

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsidian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leo. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 28:16Speaker 08

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