Ari Matti Returns!

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and actor Ari Matti! You Know Ari Matti from Stand Up Comedy, Kill Tony w/ Tony Hinchcliffe, The Joe Rogan Experience, This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Your Mom's House, Stand-Up On The Spot, You Be Trippin' w/ Ari Shaffir, Story Warz, Bertcast, TigerBelly, Stuff Island, Triggernometry, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Warby Parker: Buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional pairs at https://warbyparker.com/GARBAGE Promo Code: Garbage Rocket Money: Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE. That's RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE. Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, Toody's got a limited 4th of July drop coming at ya. We got some nice t-shirts. Show up to the barbecue looking fresh, clean, and patriotic.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't be a bozo. Available at areyougarbage.com while supplies last.

• 0:13H. Foley?

  Happy 4th of July. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:21Speaker 01

  Oh yeah.

• 0:22H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they're good to be classy.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:26H. Foley?

  Or they're just a bag of paste trash.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:29H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. She's upstairs peeking out the windows.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:36H. Foley?

  My co-host coming at you from right next to me. That's a quick one right there. Little, ah, little fruit chop.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Stick and move.

• 0:40H. Foley?

  He's coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage. Bit of a, you know, international businessman. He gets around. Germany, France, Wallwood, New Jersey.

• 0:49Speaker 01

  Senegal.

• 0:50H. Foley?

  Senegal?

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, just got back.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  Really? You did like shows too?

• 0:53Speaker 01

  No, nah, my wife's from there. I was just visiting.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  Your wife is German?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Oh my god, Jesus Christ, that must be hell.

• 1:00H. Foley?

  It ain't great.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  When I went to like backpacking trips, I would meet other backpackers. Anytime you saw a German chick, you know, she's gonna be like so like strict. And like, they're like, they like rules. They're like, "Oh, oh, you were late."

• 1:14Speaker 01

  You never called me back.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  And then they like, there was these two German chicks in Romania, in Bucharest. You know in Bucharest, there's like dogs everywhere eating dogs.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't know that.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  They're like, the ribs are out in the corner. You can't even pet dogs. They kick them. They hate dogs. They have a big dog issue. You can't. And this is, it's illegal to feed a dog. It's like worse than, you can bang a kid when she's like 13. In Romania, they're like, "Hey, it's love." But you feed a dog, that's like the biggest no-no. And these two German chicks just saw a random puppy. They're like nice people from Berlin, you know? So they take the dog to like local, because they want to take it back to Germany. So they want to get it like shot.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  And the ears stripped and like numbered and stuff. And they go to like some veterinarian office in Bucharest. And they're like, "Where you want to..." And they're like... You want to take a dog, they look at dogs like a piece of, like, a piece of gum on the floor. So they're like, you wanna take this dog to Ger- they're, they're like, we don't even have a department.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, we don't even know how to do that.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Vaccinate a dog? I need a vaccine.

• 2:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  I don't-

• 2:20Speaker 01

  There's kids that don't have it.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  I don't have a tetanus shot. Fuck the tetanus.

• 2:24H. Foley?

  It's all people in the vet's office.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Doctor-

• 2:26Speaker 02

  And since, so they, what they did, they hid it in the, like, in the bag. With the dog in the bag and then on the plane, it was like a big commotion when they found out they had the dog. And then they got him to Germany and posted on Facebook crying like, "Please, accept the dog", like, they fought for a dog.

• 2:39H. Foley?

  Come broads. Kevin Ryan, ladies and gentlemen.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  What's up, everybody? Shout out to you as always, just make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, full video available on Spotify, boys are climbing the fucking charts. And then Patreon.com, the greatest website of all time, check it.

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Is she like, uh, strict on you?

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Uh...

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Because I know these Germans are absolute lunatics.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Uh, honestly, no, not much, not much.

• 3:02Speaker 02

  Now, this is a good, does she, does she like him? Exactly.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  We'll be right back. No, of course-

• 3:09Speaker 02

  A German wife hates your fucking friends.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  No, she likes-

• 3:12H. Foley?

  I stink though.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Because your friends, because your friends bring him back to the level that she took so long to build up from.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, uh-

• 3:21Speaker 02

  Once a guy goes back with his caveman Neanderthal friends, you know, they all get Neanderthal together. Like a boy's weekend is hell for a German wife.

• 3:28H. Foley?

  What do you think we're doing, eating deer meat and fucking making cookouts?

• 3:31Speaker 02

  You guys have known each other for a long time, before marriage, right?

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:34H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 3:34Speaker 02

  And you guys, have you guys like, like, gotten hookers or something together?

• 3:38H. Foley?

  Hookers together.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  It sounds like he's about to give us, like, sell us some-

• 3:41Speaker 02

  You've done something together, you banged like some half-past out broad on the road in like, in West Virginia.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  He's hitting me like, you know, what's her name?

• 3:48Speaker 02

  In like, West Virginia or something, you know?

• 3:49H. Foley?

  You ever kill a dog?

• 3:50Speaker 02

  And you did it together, and that's like a secret between you.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  And that you-

• 3:53Speaker 01

  We killed, we, we did kill a guy.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  And you, you know each other deep down.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Now, we have, yeah, this, that's-

• 3:58H. Foley?

  Creepy rapey guys.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  So you, so you know that secret about each other.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  And that's why-

• 4:03Speaker 02

  And she hates that.

• 4:04H. Foley?

  It's like our own little Epstein Island. We got dibs.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  We have Epstein at home.

• 4:09H. Foley?

  Ladies and gentlemen, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today. You know him, you love him, one of the big stars out of Austin, Texas. Give it up for Mr. Ari Matty. The kid comes in, as they say, hot, guns blazing, bang, hooker, bang, dead dog, bang.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  When her family looks at your job, do they go like?

• 4:31H. Foley?

  He's got cash, what are you talking about?

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, doing well.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  That's when they always.

• 4:35H. Foley?

  Will you tell them the real story? He thinks your wife's a goddamn Gestapo agent. She's from Czech.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, her family's Czech.

• 4:43H. Foley?

  Beautiful, sweet lady, she's got a very loving, happy family.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  She was born and raised in Germany, her parents were Czech.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Okay, okay. That's a whole different.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, so she's a...

• 4:53Speaker 02

  She's a thief herself.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  She's a pickpocket and a cheat.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  For her consent is a vague spectrum.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  Don't go to the ATM machine here.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  I know, those people are old school. Czech, oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I had Czech.

• 5:05H. Foley?

  You don't like Czechs?

• 5:06Speaker 02

  No, I love, we love.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  I don't know what goes on.

• 5:08H. Foley?

  Who do you like? Give me the hierarchy.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  All the thieves and rats of Europe, we're all.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  Anything east, they're all.

• 5:14H. Foley?

  You're Croatian?

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Estonian.

• 5:17H. Foley?

  Estonian.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  He's just slapped the shit out of him.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  But I have some Finnish heritage, I have some Ukrainian heritage a little bit, so... We're all mixed, you know, and Czechs are like, they're just like us.

• 5:27H. Foley?

  You're all Polish to us, I'll tell you that.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Who don't you guys like?

• 5:32Speaker 02

  That's literally worse than a gypsy.

• 5:33H. Foley?

  Give me the, give me the, what is it, gypsy?

• 5:34Speaker 01

  That's worse than a gypsy. Who don't you guys like?

• 5:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, give us, give us a breakdown.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Well, Polish people are like, ah, like Estonians go to civilized places like Finland and Sweden and UK to build their shit. We're like the Mexicans of them.

• 5:49H. Foley?

  I gotcha.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  The Mexicans for us.

• 5:51H. Foley?

  Yes. Are Polish?

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Ukrainian and Polish, that's all they build, they just build.

• 5:55H. Foley?

  Really?

• 5:55Speaker 02

  You give them $1, they build your house. It's crazy.

• 5:58H. Foley?

  I dated a Polish girl for a long time.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  And I used to work construction, it's a big issue because you would have your license and you're like a nice guy, you're on time, and then the boss is like, don't get cute, cuz I can call eight Polish guys who do this for 10 bucks. In one room, they love living together.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Really? I thought they were a little more...

• 6:16H. Foley?

  He doesn't know what he's talking about. What are you talking about?

• 6:18Speaker 02

  No, I love Polish people.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  No, of course. I thought they were a little more, like, you know...

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Oh, it's Warsaw, it's beautiful. Yeah, I grew up in, uh, from 3rd to 8th grade, I was in Ksenia, in Poland.

• 6:27H. Foley?

  Who's got more cash, Estonia or Poland?

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Poland have the numbers, but I mean, beauty-wise, see, we're close to Sweden and Finland. Those businessmen come over and fuck our women. So I gotta finish that, everyone's gotta finish that, or Swedish that, so the money comes in with the prostitution and all the booze bags. That's all they do. They come over and they just get fucked up in our country, and it helps the economy a lot. Who goes to Poland?

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a good point.

• 6:52H. Foley?

  Let's hang out in Auschwitz, what a great weekend with the boys.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  That was just such a good open, who goes to, you're like, "Yeah, I guess, I don't know, never thought of it that way."

• 7:00H. Foley?

  Who goes to Poland?

• 7:01Speaker 02

  You wanna hang out in Poland, let like, food go bad in your fridge and hang out there.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  I got a bad avocado if you want it.

• 7:09H. Foley?

  Ari, how the hell you been, man?

• 7:10Speaker 02

  Oh, good, yeah. How you guys been?

• 7:13H. Foley?

  We're doing pretty good.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 7:15H. Foley?

  You're out there, you're killing it, you're on the road?

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's awesome.

• 7:18H. Foley?

  Climbing the charts, as they say?

• 7:20Speaker 02

  I don't know about that.

• 7:21H. Foley?

  What's the living situation now? You still got the same spot?

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, in Austin, yeah, yeah, same spot. I have a little house there, uh, Texas, you can get like a tiny house, as much as a fucking one-bedroom apartment with a Dominican guy here, so...

• 7:33H. Foley?

  Did you buy it, or you see, renting?

• 7:34Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm renting.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Rent.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Buy, what?

• 7:36H. Foley?

  Now, what did you, have you made any improvements since the last time that we seen you? You got a little bit of cash coming in, doing well?

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Any upgrades, you been making any significant improvements?

• 7:43H. Foley?

  New couch, new TV?

• 7:45Speaker 01

  Car?

• 7:46Speaker 02

  No, no, I don't even have a driver's license. You know, I'm like... You gotta do like, I'm not good with documents and logging in and like going to, like, doing the stuff, so... I can drive a car, I've driven cars, uh, growing up in the country.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  That is such an eastern, I can drive you a car, hey, get a car right now, I'll drive you a car.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Anything with wheels, just let me rip. I'll know how it works, I'll figure it out. I'll go slow, just give me the thing. I hate that you gotta take, you gotta be like, whoa, whoa, and they ask all the questions.

• 8:12H. Foley?

  What's your ID?

• 8:13Speaker 02

  I, I like riff through an intersection.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  I riffed through high school. I don't know like, numbers, but I can riff. Like, like, like Poland, I don't know when it was made, or where it's at, but I know like, the people, a little bit.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Figure it out.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll figure it out.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  That's good, you said you were getting ready to go to Estonia, right?

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Any big plans over there?

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Well, we have midsummer holiday on the 20th, I'm excited about that.

• 8:35H. Foley?

  What does that mean?

• 8:36Speaker 02

  It's like the longest day, so the sun never goes down, it's the longest day of the year.

• 8:40H. Foley?

  That's where you are? Where the sun don't go down? Really?

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Well, in the winter, the sun don't even visit, so don't worry about that. The sun, he's a bastard.

• 8:49H. Foley?

  Where are you, in Eastern, it's Eastern Europe?

• 8:51Speaker 02

  Well, it's, no, no, it's northeastern.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  I really don't, let me look, I really don't know where.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  It's for the love of God.

• 8:55H. Foley?

  I thought that was in like the Arctic Circle, the sun doesn't go down.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  But during the winter, we have the gray, so it's all gray, and that's when you kill yourself. When you do bad stuff, and you drown the kids in the tub, wait for your wife to get home.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  I thought you were, I thought you were more down here. I didn't realize you were up there.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure, we're Moldova.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  I really thought you guys, you're bumping with the Moldova.

• 9:16H. Foley?

  Latvia?

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Latvia, you're above Lithuania? Gotcha.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  You know what's great to do as a country that's very invaded all the time? Get really high, smoke 22 bongs, and start zooming out on Google Maps and seeing how big Russia is.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, oh, it's crazy.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Holy fuck!

• 9:31Speaker 01

  I didn't realize you guys were, yeah.

• 9:32H. Foley?

  Wow!

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Real estate. Every time I look at it, I get scared.

• 9:36H. Foley?

  Wow!

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:37H. Foley?

  Most of that's parking lot.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  What am I, it is, yeah, what am I gonna do here?

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Holy shit, I didn't realize you were that close to St. Petersburg either.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:47H. Foley?

  St. Petersburg, Florida?

• 9:49Speaker 02

  Way better than the original, let me tell you that, I went to St. Petersburg, Florida, it's beautiful.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  Oh, I love it, it's great. I would retire there in a heartbeat, I love it, love it.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  Why am I here?

• 10:01H. Foley?

  In New York, Austin?

• 10:02Speaker 02

  As soon as I went to Florida, I was like, Joe Rogan, we need seven clubs in St. Petersburg.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  It's amazing.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  And the whole, I love Naples, everyone was like, oh, Miami, Miami, Miami, everyone's coked out.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  I don't like Miami.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  Lots of tension in the air. In Naples, I can kill everyone on the peninsula, because I'm so strong compared to those people.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  And that's when I'm on vacation.

• 10:22H. Foley?

  That's all old people, right?

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's all old people.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Just walking around flexing a bunch of old Jewish guys?

• 10:26H. Foley?

  Can kill everybody!

• 10:27Speaker 02

  And everyone's chill, you go to the tiki bar, I'm the most alpha guy. The cop show up, he's of old, he's an old guy, I can rule Florida. And now I'm relaxed.

• 10:38H. Foley?

  At least the panhandle.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  In Miami, I saw a fistfight next to a cabana, you know, who fights on a... And it was over a cabana, you know, one of those rented cabanas.

• 10:48H. Foley?

  So your theory is who's fighting when there's, when there's cabanas? Everybody relax, have a good time, there's chicks around.

• 10:53Speaker 02

  But they're all coked up, and, you know, but there's chicks around, exactly.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, they wanna...

• 10:56Speaker 02

  So what happened was...

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Peacock.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Yes, so what happened was, they go for a dip, but they don't leave a lot of stuff in the cabana. They leave like one shoe or something, you know, so, and then a new roided up...

• 11:07Speaker 01

  You're insane.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Shows up and takes over.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  They come back from the ocean, and within two minutes, I saw a fistfight. Who fights coming out of a dip?

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  How angry are you?

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Also, fighting in sand's gotta be tough.

• 11:20H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck that shit.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Straight wrestling, and then the chicks are, yeah, it's all because of the, even the guys, whenever you see a fight, they don't wanna do it.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  I, dude, I told that to my wife.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  So now I have to, and you're not gonna get wet, your pussy, even if I back down and we survive, your pussy saw what happened.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  It's over.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  And it's over, it's slowly over.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  It's a rap.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  He's my man, even a man.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  He's not.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  I can get a Cuban guy who'll fight the, who'll fight the police. Now that's a man, and the pussy saw what happened.

• 11:48H. Foley?

  That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  So you have to die for the...

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, uh...

• 11:55H. Foley?

  You can fight though, you can scrap, you know what you're doing.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  No, I can fight when it's like the mats are down, we warm up, we do the rubbers for my shoulder, and you're my friend, and you're my friend, and I'm training with my friend, we're rolling around, I'm making gay jokes.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  I can do street, 3 a.m., fucked up, I need a big warm-up and clarity. I'm not combat ready.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  He's gotta listen to like an Eminem song or something to get pumped up.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, when you, when you, when you did like MMA or Jiu-Jitsu, everybody thinks like I'm always like Alex Pereira, I'm ready to go in there. I haven't sparred in 10 years and I'm a pussy at heart.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  I'll let my girl get punched before I, I literally, I'm a terrible fighter, I'm a great witness.

• 12:35H. Foley?

  Are you dating now? You got a girl? You locked in? You playing the field?

• 12:41Speaker 01

  What are you gonna do to the guy? Hey, you dickhead.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  I dated a girl for a little bit, you know, you know how it is.

• 12:49H. Foley?

  Lost her in a fight in Miami.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Are you both like married?

• 12:52H. Foley?

  No.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:53H. Foley?

  Well, yeah, I'm on my way out of the marriage.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, I'm married.

• 12:57H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  You have a little bit of tension around you, like I...

• 13:00H. Foley?

  You think so?

• 13:01Speaker 01

  You picked up on it?

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Way more than last time.

• 13:03H. Foley?

  Are you kidding me? I'm very relaxed.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Well, your life is about to get, but is it the money that you're like losing? That's what making you angry, right?

• 13:10H. Foley?

  I already took care of that.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  Really?

• 13:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  I swear to god, the way I've heard about these American divorces, in Estonia you can leave your wife with two kids on the curb, who gives a fuck? It's mine. Yeah, that happens all the time. That happened to my mom too.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  That's if you have a lawyer.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  That happened to my mom, my stepdad. My stepdad bought me a Playstation and I said, can we get it modified so I can get the games? Remember you would get the games, like for one dollar? He says, if we have money to buy the Playstation, we have money to buy the games, like a baller. Six months later, like six months later, he moved out. So now I had no games, no nothing, me and my mom for fuck. But these divorces here, yeah, you guys.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  It's messy.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  If my, no matter how much money I have, if you take five grand from me, I'm killing your cat.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  You're not taking my money, that I work, I did a weekend in West Virginia in front of incels for this. I was in the DoubleTree with me and the fan, thinking of suicide. I worked for this five grand. You're not taking it.

• 14:10H. Foley?

  Ari, what is wrong with you?

• 14:13Speaker 02

  I don't know, I just, I've heard so many horror stories, it scares the shit out of me.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  I get it, I get it.

• 14:18H. Foley?

  Bad news.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  I get it. I had to have the conversation with my wife recently because we have a, we have a one-year-old and we walked out of the store, there was a crazy guy who was like screaming and stuff and I'd like, I just said, get on this side of me. So mainly protecting the kid.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  My wife can handle it, you know, there's check bros.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  You should protect yourself, you can make the kid, he can't make one of you.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  What are the chances he's also gonna be a star?

• 14:44Speaker 01

  How flattered you called me a star.

• 14:47Speaker 02

  Big bucks.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  And I just said, you, whatever, if, you know, in the rare instance that there was an issue, I go, you get the baby and go. Do not try to prevent, I'm not, I'm not engaging.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  Really?

• 15:00Speaker 01

  I'm just going.

• 15:01H. Foley?

  I think Ari disagrees with this.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  Very, very strongly. If I have a problem, I look at my boy from La Hone, suck him off, buy us time. I tell the kid, go get the cops. I'll actually, I'll go get the cops, you stay with mommy. I'll go get the cops, I'll be right back with the money, I'll wink.

• 15:16H. Foley?

  Do you wanna have kids?

• 15:18Speaker 02

  I guess so, I mean, I wanna, yeah, yeah.

• 15:20H. Foley?

  How old of a fella are you?

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Thirty-four.

• 15:21H. Foley?

  You're thirty-four, alright.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  As a guy, I can go all Pacino, you know, find some, bop, bop, bop, ow! That's so good. Those are all my friends' chicks, they're all fucked now, dude, if you're a thirty-four-year-old woman, you're literally over.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  They call it...

• 15:33Speaker 02

  In culture, in culture.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  I love you angels.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  These aren't your personal beliefs, these are Ari Matti's personal beliefs.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  This is society, it's not my, I'm not, I'm portraying what you guys have done.

• 15:44H. Foley?

  Don't play, Ari.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Also, after thirty-five, it's called a geriatric pregnancy.

• 15:48Speaker 02

  I don't like that word.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  That's crazy, right? That's crazy. I go, no, the women didn't sign off on that, some dude came, some dude came up with that. A geriatric pregnant, after thirty-five...

• 15:59H. Foley?

  Thirty-five, ew!

• 16:00Speaker 02

  But, in America, with these female comedians, they have cash, when they got cash, they have kids at forty-five.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  If you have money...

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:07H. Foley?

  Due to fertility...

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Freeze your eggs, the whole night.

• 16:10H. Foley?

  Freezy egg. Over easy.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  And all of my age women, they, they wanna stability, they wanna career, they wanna a driver's license, you know? I'm with an e-bike, I'm with, I'm coming in with a Lime scooter.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  That's what he texts me, he goes, "I'm parking my city bike." Now I go, and fucking, he goes, "Ari Matti's driving around the city on a fucking city bike?" I go, "I guess."

• 16:26Speaker 02

  You have no idea, I have nothing. Yeah, I don't even know, yeah, so, I don't know, that's tough, yeah.

• 16:31H. Foley?

  How do you get around in Austin? You just take Ubers?

• 16:33Speaker 02

  I got a, I got a bicycle on my legs.

• 16:36H. Foley?

  Really?

• 16:37Speaker 02

  An Uber, yeah, yeah.

• 16:38H. Foley?

  So you're downtown?

• 16:39Speaker 02

  I don't, I don't like the fact that I have a thing under my ass, that I can kill a whole family with, and now I gotta deal with that, yeah.

• 16:47H. Foley?

  Ah.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  Cause I wanna drink, I wanna...

• 16:49Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  I wanna chill.

• 16:51H. Foley?

  Really?

• 16:51Speaker 02

  I don't like, like, responsibility, parking, are you kidding me? What? Let me stay here.

• 16:57H. Foley?

  Where?

• 16:58Speaker 02

  I'll be back.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  I swear to God, I'll be back.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  I don't like the rules around parking.

• 17:03H. Foley?

  Who's cleaning your house?

• 17:04Speaker 01

  Sure, I get that, you're not a rule guy.

• 17:06H. Foley?

  Who's cleaning the house? Are you cleaning the house? You got a cleaning lady?

• 17:08Speaker 02

  I really tried to do this American, well, I dated for a girl for a while, oh my God, it's like you reach a new age in life, dude. The beds, it don't look, the pillow don't look like it's been pissed on, you know?

• 17:19Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  It's a crazy upgrade, cause I haven't been in a relationship for a while. Oh, it's, I'm a new man, it's crazy, things smell good.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  If you're in an adult relationship, it's different.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  There are so many weird smells in my house that I don't know where they're coming from. Like, and, and women will clean a house, clean it, like they'll move a shelf. Behind my shelf right now, there's Avatar. I mean, it's bad. I don't clean that, I don't see it.

• 17:45H. Foley?

  You don't clean?

• 17:46Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  You clean what you see?

• 17:47Speaker 02

  So I thought about a cleaning lady, American, American, American, you know, you guys do that.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Is that very American?

• 17:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, we guys.

• 17:53H. Foley?

  You don't clean, is in Europe? It's a big, big booming business.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  My wife, my wife doesn't tell her family and friends that we have a.

• 18:00H. Foley?

  Go to Angie's List or something.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  So then I tried it two times. I got cash lying around, I'm worried, I had a paranoia. Ah, and also, I clean for the cleaning lady.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  You cannot see my default.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  You got, yeah, you gotta get it to a presentable place.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  When chicks come over to my place.

• 18:18H. Foley?

  That's very American.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  And I tell them, I, "Sorry, it's so messy." That means I have cleaned for four hours.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  I'm so sorry.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  To get to this messy.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Not normally like this.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  And the shame I felt like when a cleaning lady saw what's really going on in a single man's life.

• 18:36Speaker 01

  It's bad.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Bad. So now I'm cleaning for the cleaning lady, and then the whole operation fell apart.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  The girl left.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm just a happy pig and shit dude.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna pretend like I'm better than anybody else. I'm a little pig and shit.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  But I do other things. I talk, I walk. Like I'm, I have other qualities.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have a lot of good qualities.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  My dick works, it's not the biggest, but it works. And it's fun to be with me. You know, I don't have a driver's license, but we'll take LimeBikes downtown and we'll laugh the whole way.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  He's on the highway.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  So I have. So the chicks I'm banging right now, they're all coming.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Are you wearing, is that your own merch too?

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. It's like a, it's like a Heil Hitler, but with legs.

• 19:14H. Foley?

  He's the funniest person.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  So, the chicks I'm dating right now, there's a lot of women coming out of divorces right now, and that's when they go for a guy like me.

• 19:21H. Foley?

  You son of a bitch!

• 19:22Speaker 02

  That's when they go for a guy like me.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Cause I'm a fucking loose cannon.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're fun, you're edgy.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  This husband, piece of shit at home.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  It was an accountant or something, and you're like.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  And I don't even listen to you. I'm like disrespectful, but fun. I don't answer the calls. I'm like a, woo!

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Hey, wild bull.

• 19:44Speaker 01

  Warby Parker, Warby Parker, Warby friggin' Parker, baby. Listen up. If you wear glasses out there, you know the process of getting glasses stinks. That's where Warby Parker comes in. People put off getting glasses way longer than they should because it feels like a whole process. You gotta go to the doctor, you gotta book an appointment, you gotta figure out if to take your insurance, you gotta drive there, you gotta get in an accident in the parking lot, you gotta get in a fight with somebody. It's a mess, it stinks. That's where Warby Parker comes in. They didn't just make buying glasses easier, they made the entire experience easier. Now you can actually go into one of their stores, get an eye exam right there, no running around to multiple spots, no guessing if your prescription is even up to date.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Everything is super clean, modern, and honestly feels like a wellness experience, more than a typical doctor visit. The big man wears glasses, he lives and dies by Warby Parker. If you know anything about the big man, he don't like complicated processes. That's where Warby Parker comes in, and it makes it easy for him. They got different styles, colors, whether they're prescription or sunglasses. It comes to quality for the price. Warby Parker is the best, and it's not even close. Their prescription glasses start at $95, so you can actually get quality and stylish frames at an affordable price. This includes anti-reflective, scratch-resistant, plus UV protection coatings, all for $95. What are we talking about? One-stop-shop eye exams, glasses, contacts, sunglasses.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  You don't have to piece it together anymore, and there's over 300 retail stores in the U.S. Right now, buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional pairs at warbyparker.com/garbage. That's 20% off any additional pairs when you purchase one pair at W-A-R-B-Y-parker.com/garbage. Do it! Let's talk about Rocket Money, Rocket Money, Rocket Money. Guys, you know by now Rocket Money can track your subscriptions and has the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app with a few taps, saving users over $880 million in canceled subscriptions. It has automatic transaction categorization across all of your accounts. You can put your checking account, your credit card account, plus it's got customizable categories.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  Categories and tags to reveal spending patterns. If you got a big purchase coming up and you want to make sure you know where everything's going. If you have an event and you want to go, hey, what am I spending on this, this, this? You go in beep boop, bop boop, boop boop. You can track all the spending. Listen, I did not grow up with financial literacy. Nobody taught me nothing. I've had to teach myself and Rocket Money has been instrumental in that process. You download the whole dashboard, they got a lot of features. I get emails every week, hey, you have these recurring charges coming up. Hey, I just got one. Hey, what's this charge? It just came in for 300 bucks. It's higher than normal. Get eyes on it. Get ahead of it. And it makes you just understand what's coming in and what's going out.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  It consolidates your checkings, your savings, your loan investments into a single dashboard and gives users a clear view of the financial picture. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spendings and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financials goals faster. Join rocketmoney.com/garbage. That's rocketmoney.com/garbage. One more time, rocketmoney.com/garbage. Do it.

• 23:03H. Foley?

  What's in your house that makes you feel classy? Or what have you gotten?

• 23:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, what is something you do, you spend money on, you know, you buy that makes you go, oh, I feel this makes me feel... It doesn't have to be classy. It doesn't have to be, you know, it could be flying first class. It could be staying at a nice hotel from time to time.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  I tried those espresso machines. Too many buttons and shit, dude. What the fuck is happening?

• 23:27H. Foley?

  You're like a caveman.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Every time, it's a new... Yeah, yeah, and then an error. You ever see an error on a device and you Google the error? In history, it has never happened.

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, you got a B94 warning or something.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, ChatGPT is like, you're on your own. So I do a French press.

• 23:46H. Foley?

  Ah, gentleman!

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like, it takes a while.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Do you ground the beans yourself?

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Of course, I'm a big coffee guy. That's my old...

• 23:54H. Foley?

  You ground the beans where? At the house or down at the supermarket?

• 23:56Speaker 02

  And even the machine, the middle, oh yeah, I go down to the place, place, place with like the LGBT flags. I get the good coffee, I smell it.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  But even the Yuras and the Yura, like an E5, which is the regular Yura with the button, has an internal grinder.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  What I want is this machine.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  You like the, yeah.

• 24:18H. Foley?

  Espresso.

• 24:20Speaker 02

  Yes, but the small one you get at home doesn't have enough pressure. The big ones cost a hundred grand, by the way. And they need maintenance. If I'm going.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  You gotta clean them.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  If I'm really going for something, that's my dream. But the French press, it takes time, you wait, you push it down, you push too early, you feel bad about it.

• 24:37H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  I like that.

• 24:38H. Foley?

  Usually you give it about seven minutes, you don't want the water to boil.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  I take breakfast, I have a nice garden, no shoes inside, so there are some.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  No shoes inside, very nice.

• 24:47H. Foley?

  I bet you his place looks nice.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  The way Americans literally come over.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Just like Austin, AIDS.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  You see like the.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  A Band-Aid on there and stuff, it's bad.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  And chicks are like, what are we doing later, maybe cleaning up, I don't know.

• 25:04H. Foley?

  See, I bet you he's real neat. Takes care of his shit.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Actually not.

• 25:08H. Foley?

  Your, the house is messy.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  I think he's crazy and those are just things, these are things that bother him, yeah.

• 25:12H. Foley?

  It's messy.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  But it's messy.

• 25:14H. Foley?

  Clothes, merch thrown around.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  There's like dif- different jurisdictions of, of, of clean clothes, you know, there's like the chair.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  I'm dealing with it right now.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  You know, the chair, the chair, the chair means I already went to the party.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  It's halfway there, it's halfway there.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  If I go like this, it's pretty bad, but for a friend it's good, but if I wanna hold on to a girl, it's a problem. So that's the chair.

• 25:34H. Foley?

  That's the chair.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Then there's the floor, one might think the floor means wash. The floor means I take the trash out with that shirt.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  You know.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  The utility shirt, I got you, I'm right there with you, dude.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  And then it's in front of the washing machine, it's in front, you think that's means next step is washing? Might not, I might walk past it and see it and be like, I'll just put it on, fuck it.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Little bit of life. You are, you are a very nuanced, complicated man, you know that, right?

• 26:05Speaker 01

  I've never heard anybody so eloquently describe the clothes on the chair.

• 26:10H. Foley?

  It's very good.

• 26:11Speaker 01

  It's like, that is, that is like around the world. Everybody, that resonates, that is funny.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  But if you have a wife, the chair needs to go. Wives have two jurisdictions, dirty or clean.

• 26:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  They don't like the, oh, don't. So many times my bitch was, throw the fucking shirt in the wash, I literally wore it one time to one spot, I didn't even. I didn't, I was in the Uber, I didn't even walk around in it, I haven't even sweat in it.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  You're a specific kinda guy, Ari.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  But you know, women don't like that.

• 26:45H. Foley?

  I was a little sleepy before you got here.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  I'm about to go get a divorce, dude.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  I'm so sweaty too, I came from a steam room.

• 26:54H. Foley?

  You did?

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, I went to Lifetime.

• 26:56H. Foley?

  No kidding? You went and had a steam, a little schwitz as they call it.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Then by the pool, I see like a, you know what I love seeing as a man? Sixty-five year old guy, he still keeps in shape, he does yoga, and he's super tan, got a good job in New York.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  He's got a black girl friend about twenty-eight, she's a little chubby, but for him, she looks like an angel. He looks like an absolute ass, you know? Like a skinny old guy with a flab.

• 27:23H. Foley?

  I got that guy, not skinny, but I got the saggy gorilla titty started.

• 27:28Speaker 02

  You know what, when you get older, being fatter looks better. The skinny, all the skin, and they see the veins. You know when the veins are, some of them don't even work, they're like, they're like trains. Like the tracks have been shut down, like, like the hard don't, retired.

• 27:43H. Foley?

  Like an old subway tunnel?

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Oh, like an old subway, they're about to flood, they're about to flood that tunnel, it's like, no use no more. And him, but he's got a young, like chubby fat girl.

• 27:53H. Foley?

  What, this is cause of coed spa?

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Coed spa, coed spa.

• 27:57H. Foley?

  And what's going on in there, anything?

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Well, for three hundred bucks a month, I will look at pussy.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Now, do you have the one you can go to any Lifetime in the country? That's a good pass to have.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  You gotta get that one.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're traveling.

• 28:08H. Foley?

  You're a big spa guy, huh?

• 28:09Speaker 02

  My favorite thing is to go, my favorite thing is go to the Lifetime, and in front of me, there's people who look at the Lifetime basics, so they can go to their bumfuck hoboken one. Don't come to Midtown, don't come to Midtown, and they get denied, I love that.

• 28:24H. Foley?

  What do you get done in there?

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Classism.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  That's another thing that would go back to the fancy thing that makes you feel fancy, you go, I feel better than you, cause I got the three hundred.

• 28:34Speaker 02

  Another American experience, I never knew first class, it sucks, I mean, aviation sucks anyway, but...

• 28:43Speaker 02

  Like, group three is boarding, all the animals, group six, seven, eight, they're all, which I often am, sometimes. But anyway, but I'm speaking of the one time, once a week I spend dealing, and I go right past everybody.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Wow, they're worried.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  And everybody looks like you're retarded, because I'm playing my music, I'm actually not playing music, I wanna hear the hum.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  I wanna hear the whispers.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  I wanna hear the whispers, but everybody thinks, oh, he's gonna get denied, and he's gonna be ashamed to come back with group eight. I'm not one of you. And even they go, we'll just group three, and then you show the, bah bah! You know, it's a different color.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Even, it's red, they got the blue, I'm the red delta, dude, bah bah! Straight into the tunnel.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  That's a good feeling.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Everyone else is worried, oh, what group?

• 29:29Speaker 01

  I get, thanks for being diamond, I get, hey, thank you, Mr. Ryan, for being diamond. If that, if someone's behind me, and they hear that, I turn around and go, suck my dick! Feels nice.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  It's so good.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  Feels nice.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  And then I love the way they do it brutally, too, that you sit down, watch, animals, and animals.

• 29:46H. Foley?

  Will you make eye contact as they walk by? Will you look at them in disgust?

• 29:52Speaker 02

  Depends.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Some people I see, I'm like, they're like me, they're like, they sometimes maybe afford it, or sometimes they reward themselves, so they know the rules, you know?

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. They know what's going on.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  They know what's going, they're like, oh, good for you, and maybe one day, maybe on next Friday, on my shorter flight.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  It'll be me.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  It'll be me. But then there's people who will never be here, and that feels good, you belong back there.

• 30:17H. Foley?

  Do you ever take anything from first class? You take like the little kit that they give you, or the slippers you bring that home or nothing?

• 30:23Speaker 02

  No, no, I don't like that, never.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  I, dude, I saw a guy, we was flying to Germany, we land in Germany.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Lufthansa?

• 30:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  His little bags? By the way, I have those little bags still, yeah.

• 30:33H. Foley?

  So you do take them?

• 30:34Speaker 02

  Sometimes, yeah.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  They give you...

• 30:36Speaker 02

  I didn't wanna say it.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  They give you nice blankets, too.

• 30:39Speaker 02

  I take, I, by the way, I keep everything.

• 30:40H. Foley?

  I know you do.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  I'm taking this bag, and the one from here, if that guy doesn't take.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  The guy was walking up from coach to get off, and he was going through ransacking everywhere.

• 30:50H. Foley?

  Really?

• 30:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:52H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 30:52Speaker 02

  You'll never be here.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  I was like, you'll never, you don't, you know you don't belong, guy, you know you don't.

• 30:57H. Foley?

  Ian Fiden's took my slippers one time.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  Really?

• 31:00H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  We were on the same flight.

• 31:01H. Foley?

  I mean, yeah.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. They do, they do have some nice stuff. You got your toothbrush in there, some lotion, some cream, something like that.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  But have you heard about these Turkish Airlines when it's the shower?

• 31:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, it's so.

• 31:12H. Foley?

  I, with that water, it can't be good though.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Can't be good. It's full recycle.

• 31:15H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  There's no way we got enough water.

• 31:18H. Foley?

  Why the fuck would you have to take a shower on the plane? You wanna take a shower when you get off the plane?

• 31:22Speaker 02

  No, no, true, true. I get that, yeah.

• 31:24H. Foley?

  You got off the plane, you gotta take a shower?

• 31:26Speaker 01

  I would do it for sure.

• 31:27H. Foley?

  You would?

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, why, when the fuck else am I gonna get a chance to shower on a plane?

• 31:30H. Foley?

  Is there, wait, hold on. Is it a shared shower?

• 31:33Speaker 01

  No, I think it's you.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no. You get a slot, you get a slot, a fifteen minute slot and you slot, so like, most people do it right before landing, you know? You just freshen up.

• 31:42H. Foley?

  Is there one shower, or is there multiple showers on a plane?

• 31:45Speaker 02

  I think there's two showers and they clean everything. And the bathroom's big, big.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's, I've seen the pictures, it's crazy.

• 31:51H. Foley?

  Really?

• 31:52Speaker 02

  But they clean really nicely. Like, between every bathroom, if, if you go, there's a, there's a special attendant that cleans after every person.

• 31:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:00H. Foley?

  What if you get turbulence when you're in there? And you fucking fall out, your balls are hanging out? Nobody seeing my little weener? Fucking need that bullshit. I got my hair plugs in, coming back.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  Have you ever seen like pictures, how flying used to be seventies, there's like a bar area on the plane?

• 32:15H. Foley?

  Yeah, it looks nice. Fresh fruit, shit like that.

• 32:18Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 32:19H. Foley?

  No seat belts? Those things went down though.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  One nine eleven a year versus a bar on a plane?

• 32:28H. Foley?

  You saying the trade off is worth it?

• 32:30Speaker 02

  I mean, Jesus Christ.

• 32:31H. Foley?

  I don't think, that, nine eleven is why I don't have the bars on there. You fly, you, don't you, when you go to a stony, don't, isn't it a big jumbo jet with a bar upstairs?

• 32:39Speaker 02

  What? I've never even seen that.

• 32:41H. Foley?

  They don't have that shit no more?

• 32:42Speaker 02

  No!

• 32:43H. Foley?

  I thought you said there was, that, that, the ones that have the bubble on top, they got a bar up there, you go up there and hang out.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  You make up a lot of stuff.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  You watch some AI video of a bubble and you think it's real? There's no bubble up there.

• 32:53H. Foley?

  There's those big jets with the hump on top.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, there's more seats up there.

• 32:56H. Foley?

  Second floor.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  No, they're not, no, they're not.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  There's more seats up there.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  I think that's all.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  I just took one, I just took one.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  What?

• 33:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can, yeah.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  Where?

• 33:03Speaker 01

  To Germany, the Lufthansa has.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  With Lufthansa?

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, they have one with the second floor that has like eight seats up there.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Dude, the Austrian one, we have ashtrays.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  That's an old fucking plane.

• 33:12Speaker 02

  That's an old, yeah, yeah, those are old, yeah.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  Sometimes you'll get on a plane, there'll be an ashtray in your hand or your armrest, you're like, this thing's gotta be.

• 33:17Speaker 02

  I know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  From fucking 1978?

• 33:20Speaker 02

  They're still the same model, 747s, 8320, those are all models from the 70s, dude.

• 33:25H. Foley?

  They got new shit in it, though, they got the hydraulics, the computer, shoot down radar, all that shit.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  There's like two planes with cars on them, so.

• 33:31Speaker 01

  Two planes?

• 33:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, but like, you would know if you're getting on that plane. It's like the Air Emirates flight with.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, they don't have them, you know, you don't have, Delta flights don't have them.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  Damn, hmm, okay, look at that. In the world of travel, let's say, let's say you have a flight at noon, what time are you showing up to the airport? Are you like, get there early kinda guy?

• 33:52H. Foley?

  You run right through, you sprint through.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  I feel like you're probably, you're like packing your bag, running through the terminal, I feel a little bit. Smelling your shirt to make sure it's still good.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  If I get there five minutes before boarding, I'm already in a good time.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  Get to the airport, or to the gate.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, the airport.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  No, like, get to the, say boarding's 11:30.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  I'm so fucked, dude, I have, I don't even know how I have a career. Yeah, are you kidding me? It's 50/50 every time. I'm so like.

• 34:19H. Foley?

  Why?

• 34:21Speaker 02

  I don't know how.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  Dude, time is a weird thing, where it's like, sometimes it's so fast, and sometimes so slow, it's crazy.

• 34:30H. Foley?

  I like the way he's living.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Cause I don't even know, like, sometimes I'll get up at eight for a 10 o'clock flight, I'll be there like half an hour early, I'm like, how did this happen? Next time I wake up at seven, I missed the flight. What is that? You can't tell me time is same, it's relative.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  It's a good point, I mean.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  It's crazy.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  You got good points, dude, you really do.

• 34:47H. Foley?

  Do you ever have anxiety or anything like that?

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Or what?

• 34:51H. Foley?

  Or anything?

• 34:52Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, no, no, no, no.

• 34:53H. Foley?

  You do, you get anxiety?

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I get, you know.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Do you worry if you miss that flight?

• 34:57Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah, yeah, I mean, I have a full panic attack, I'm worried. I'm always worried. This ain't easy, it's not my fault. It's not like I'm Leonardo DiCaprio, la, la, la, catch me if you can, I'm not that guy, I'm worried, oh, I'm fucking, oh, fuck! But then time goes so quick sometimes, it's crazy. You literally look at a watch, like, okay, okay, okay, okay, two hours, what? I just sat here.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I hit it.

• 35:17H. Foley?

  That'll give ya, it's weird when shit does that. Sometimes it goes so slow.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  And then sometimes you talk to your wife, and you're like, whoa, what the fuck? We've been here for hours, two minutes. Oh my god.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Huh, okay, I would have pegged you for a little bit more showing up early, being on time.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Oh, no, no, no, being on time, look what happened today.

• 35:35H. Foley?

  This kid's a loose cannon.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  I know, you were late today.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  I was late even to my high schoo- dude, I have a memory of high school graduation, the ex- not graduation, the exam. You have to do like, um, what do you examine?

• 35:47H. Foley?

  SATs, we call them.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  So that's the unanimous, unanimous, the score?

• 35:51H. Foley?

  Took a shot at that.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, everybody, well, yeah, we, the SATs are what like the nation, everybody kinda takes.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  But it's a different subject.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's English and math.

• 35:59H. Foley?

  English and math.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Like, yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Oh, we do like, two mandatory, I think it's math and then literature, and literature, it's not, it's like you have to write an essay or something.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, they had that, yeah.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so that, and that is the most crucial part. Uh, which we, cause, cause you can be get, see, that's another thing, you can get creative on that. I didn't know nothing, they, the topic was like, like, vendetta or something. I did my own thing.

• 36:25H. Foley?

  That's what you're studying, vendettas?

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Or something, I don't know, there was something cool, like something, ooh, and, uh, and I remember that morning, I know it's the exam, it's my high school exam, the most important day of my life, probably, to graduate this fucking thing. I look at the time, the vibe is off, the vibe is off, I go back to, and I have that thought in my, in the bed, I go,

• 36:48Speaker 02

  I mess it up. I just went back to bed.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  No shit.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  I was like half an hour late.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  And then, the teacher, do they send like an outside person to look at the SATs to control?

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like a proctor thing.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, cause it's a conflict of interest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's some cunt there who already closed the door and the exam is going, you can't be late.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  So it's already going, but my teacher loved me, loved me, and she goes, with, it's, yeah, proctor?

• 37:17Speaker 01

  Proctor, we would say, yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Protractor? And then... She grabs me and goes up to the tractor and goes to, goes to her like, like Ari has a difficult family life and, and like, you know, he's from a violent home and he works. Dude, I worked at a trampoline center just to bang those chicks and my mom loved me. My mom gave me snacks. I was eating snacks this morning playing GTA before that. So she goes, he was late because he comes out of town. Dude, I was right here.

• 37:44H. Foley?

  Did you really work at a trampoline place?

• 37:46Speaker 02

  I worked at a trampoline place.

• 37:47H. Foley?

  What, you mean like, like where you go in and jump around or you're sold?

• 37:50Speaker 02

  You know those big rooms? There's like a lot on the walls and shit. And then there's all these like moms with their kids coming around. I would hit on the moms, watch the kid. I wouldn't really watch the kid. So many kids fucking broke their legs around me. One time, one time, one time I saw a kid, his leg snapped. Anderson Silva, you know, like.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  Cause he was so fat and then another fat kid jumped on the trampoline at the, and it's an inertia. It's a double inertia. Cow, cow, and full snap. The mom is crying, but she's vulnerable emotionally.

• 38:25H. Foley?

  And that's when Ari swoops in.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  And then I had to hold the leg and act like, like everything's good with that. And I feel the clean bone like between my hands and I'm holding, I'm hitting on the mom.

• 38:35H. Foley?

  So what are you doing later?

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Where's his dad at?

• 38:38H. Foley?

  What are you doing after the emergency?

• 38:39Speaker 02

  I'm telling you, he's gonna be okay.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  God damn.

• 38:43H. Foley?

  You know what I want to ask you? When it comes to literature in Estonia. Are you doing like Shakespeare and shit or is it more like?

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Russian, Russian, Russian, Russian.

• 38:51H. Foley?

  Really? So like Dostoevsky?

• 38:53Speaker 02

  Dostoevsky. What, what's that? Crime and punishment or what's it in English?

• 38:57H. Foley?

  Oh, War and Peace, Crime and Punishment.

• 38:58Speaker 02

  Is it Crime and Punishment?

• 38:59H. Foley?

  Law and Order.

• 39:04H. Foley?

  War and Peace, I would assume?

• 39:05Speaker 02

  War, oh yeah, War and Peace. I didn't read any of them. I read the Cliff Notes and I riffed.

• 39:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, that must be so hard. American English or American literature is brutal. Man, trying to get through fucking War and Peace. I would never, you give me a million years to read that shit.

• 39:22Speaker 02

  And also with my generation, I'm playing GTA 3.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  I'm murdering hookers in an alley and during the day acting like I'm a nice guy and following traffic lights and then at night I murder hookers. You stomp them, you get your money back. You know, it's how you lose 40 for the hooker, but you get 75 back and you're like, "What's the 35?" "What's the 35?" Yeah, yeah, you can stomp a hooker to dead and get the money back. That's GTA. You ever played? Jesus Christ.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  That's the Estonia version.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  And then I tried to read like a story where it's like a seven-page heartbreak moment. I just murdered seven hookers, went to bed.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Had their best night's sleep.

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Exactly. I unlocked two islands and helicopters were after me because I shot cops. I'm shooting police officers.

• 40:11H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about Chime.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 40:13H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 40:17H. Foley?

  Things start adding up. You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kind of stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had Chime."

• 40:33Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.

• 40:46H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that is. Oh, $5 for this, $10 for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now, you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes.

• 41:29Speaker 04

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  What was the last book you read? Or tried to read?

• 41:43Speaker 02

  No, no, no, now, on the Kindle, I read a lot. But only autobi-, I don't like anything made up.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Autobi-, yeah, I'm the same way.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  I hate Harry Potter, all of that. Like an owl talks to me in a train. Get the fuck out of here. I'm thirty-four years old. I don't like Marvels, I don't like any- It's so weird.

• 42:00Speaker 01

  Give me a guy like trying to pay rent or something like that.

• 42:02H. Foley?

  You don't like superhero movies or nothing?

• 42:05Speaker 02

  Like, grown men will watch, like, what is it? The Galaxy Guardians, right? And like, A Tree is clever. Man, shut the fuck up.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  It's crazy.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  Shut the fuck up.

• 42:16H. Foley?

  I'm moving in with this kid.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Whip you into shape.

• 42:19Speaker 02

  I don't know, I can't get into like the made up- James Bond I like, cause he bangs hook.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  That's real, that's a real guy doing real shit.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  It's doable, I could do that.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't get the superheroes- They have like weaknesses, and I'm like, well, just write the weakness that he doesn't have it. Just like, can he do it? Can he not do it? Does he have powers? Does he not have powers? You're gonna save the day? Oh, let me guess, he saves the day.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  And then the Doctor Ma-, it's like Doctor, uh, the city. Doctor Manhattan.

• 42:42H. Foley?

  Manhattan. You don't like that? You don't like the-

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like, super, super, super, but then he's like a pussy also. That doesn't make sense, dude.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  What are we talking about?

• 42:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  I'm with this guy.

• 42:51H. Foley?

  If Ari had superpowers.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  And I love autobiographies.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:55H. Foley?

  Who do you read?

• 42:56Speaker 02

  All the musicians and all the comedians, all entertainers, like. There's a great one by James Brown. No, it's, it's not even his, it's his manager, I think. It's called The One, if I remember.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  And there's like, um, it's a great book where there's like, chapter by chapter, it's like, James Brown's account of what happened, and then side clo-

• 43:15Speaker 01

  What actually happened or whatever?

• 43:16Speaker 02

  Side note from his manager.

• 43:17H. Foley?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Like, every story's like, you know, like-

• 43:20H. Foley?

  I didn't do nothing, man, I went home, went to bed.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  Being in the seventies, as a black man in Georgia, it was a rough time. The police always gave us trouble. Police pulled us over, left us in Georgia all night. And then you read the manager, he had a hooker in the trunk with a shotgun.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Different account of it, you know what I mean?

• 43:40Speaker 01

  That's good. Reading on the Kindle, that's good. Staying, you're staying engaged.

• 43:44H. Foley?

  This kid's a psychopath. What are you talking about?

• 43:47Speaker 01

  I'm trying to get on his side so he doesn't fucking hurt me.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  No, I'm kidding. How often are you in the gym? What's the, what's the more, what's, what is the daily routine of already men?

• 43:59Speaker 02

  I wake up.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  You got your French press? You do the French press?

• 44:02Speaker 02

  So late.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Bro.

• 44:07H. Foley?

  You're not doing the French press when you leave for the airport, are you?

• 44:09Speaker 02

  I swear to God, I swear to God. I could go to bed at 1 a.m.

• 44:13Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Or 5 a.m. Or 7 a.m.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  I sleep till 1 p.m.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Really?

• 44:17Speaker 02

  Whatever the, it just happens.

• 44:20H. Foley?

  Do you do the coffee at the house before you go to the airport? If you got an early flight?

• 44:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:23H. Foley?

  You get the coffee at the airport?

• 44:25Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:26H. Foley?

  What?

• 44:27Speaker 02

  I get the coffee when I get to the place. I take a nap at the hotel and then I go.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  So you don't want any coffee in the morning?

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Cause it ruins the fucking.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  I get that.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  A little, but I'll get a little too angry. I'm missing the flight. I don't need coffee. I'm in a fucking war. I need to calm down.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  Well, you sleep on the plane?

• 44:45Speaker 02

  No, I'm, I can't do that. I don't know. I'm also like a big.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  You're a bigger guy.

• 44:48Speaker 02

  Retard guy. I'm a big Neanderthal and I can't, I don't know. I'm so uncomfortable. People always hit my la- I don't know.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  If you get to lay flat, can you?

• 44:58Speaker 02

  It's a weird sleep. It's one of these.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  You're snoring and shit, yeah.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not seeing shit.

• 45:05H. Foley?

  Yeah, the guy in 4B is real chill.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not seeing shit. And I'm like a crazy sleeper too. I kick, dude. My past offenses, oh my god.

• 45:14H. Foley?

  You kicking your sleep?

• 45:15Speaker 02

  I don't know. I just move and I'll. And I bite my teeth and I, I don't know.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Guy, the guy grinds his teeth.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  I grind my.

• 45:21H. Foley?

  You grind your teeth?

• 45:21Speaker 02

  Oh my god. Grind it down, dude.

• 45:23H. Foley?

  When you're sleeping?

• 45:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  That's crazy. Stop doing that. That looks insane.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  And then I.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  That was, that was so oddly scary.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  You don't, that doesn't look like you and I'll never not see, never not see that.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  They say get the gum shield, dude.

• 45:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  That's so gay. To like worry about your teeth at night. Jesus Christ.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  Just be a real man.

• 45:44H. Foley?

  Man's man.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Turn them into dust.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  Part of the steam room, I'm still expecting.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:47H. Foley?

  You don't plunge after? Isn't that part of the thing?

• 45:49Speaker 02

  It was close today.

• 45:51H. Foley?

  Really?

• 45:51Speaker 02

  What the fuck?

• 45:52Speaker 01

  You get some of that 300 back.

• 45:54Speaker 02

  I know, it's crazy.

• 45:54H. Foley?

  How often do you do this? Be serious, huh?

• 45:56Speaker 02

  Sauna, every day, every day, every day.

• 45:58H. Foley?

  Are you kidding me?

• 45:58Speaker 02

  I have to find a sauna every day. Oh, it's in my culture. We have a sauna and a shower next to each other. We built a sauna before the bedroom. It's a thing, I have to do it.

• 46:06H. Foley?

  You sauna every day?

• 46:07Speaker 02

  Every day, every day, every day. I'll find a way. I mean, if there's no sauna, I'll fucking figure it out.

• 46:11H. Foley?

  How long are you in there for?

• 46:12Speaker 02

  Half an hour till I absolutely wanna kill myself.

• 46:15H. Foley?

  Sweat.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  I countdown second.

• 46:17H. Foley?

  You sweat it out?

• 46:18Speaker 02

  Sweat it out. It's good for you.

• 46:19H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  I drink a lot too, so I gotta do something.

• 46:22Speaker 01

  Gotta get it out.

• 46:22H. Foley?

  And then you shower off or cold plunge?

• 46:25Speaker 02

  Cold plunge shower.

• 46:26H. Foley?

  And then you feel great? It physically feels good?

• 46:29Speaker 02

  I don't feel good, but I feel better than I did before.

• 46:32H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  So I can now.

• 46:34H. Foley?

  Every day?

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Every day.

• 46:35H. Foley?

  Do you have a sauna at the house?

• 46:37Speaker 02

  No, those are not worth it. It's not the right experience, but I moved next to a sauna place that's a Finnish sauna in Austin. It's super nice.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 46:46H. Foley?

  Really?

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Hot as fuck. Two, two ten, two ten, two ten for twenty minutes. Oh, oh, feel so bad.

• 46:53H. Foley?

  Go in there banging out.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then you come out, you become a new person, everything I sweat out, all the sins, all the creepy stuff you did last week.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  Fresh start, dawg.

• 47:00H. Foley?

  I wanna hang out with him.

• 47:01Speaker 02

  All the weird shit you said to that lady, he's, he all sweat it out. He all sweat it out.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  Repent for your sins, dawg.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's my church.

• 47:09H. Foley?

  Hey, so boy, I know you're a goddamn sweetheart.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  I am. I'm actually like so scared, dude. I'm scared.

• 47:15H. Foley?

  He's the sweetest guy in the world.

• 47:17Speaker 02

  I'm literally terrified every time.

• 47:19H. Foley?

  Ladies, man, the chicks all love him.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Even. You know how I'm always doubtful about New York? I like nature, I like calmness, you know, I'm already an anxious person, so I don't need another New York ramping me up.

• 47:30H. Foley?

  You're anxious?

• 47:32Speaker 02

  Or like, I'm already like on edge, you know?

• 47:34Speaker 01

  Nah, yeah, yeah, we get it.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  So.

• 47:38H. Foley?

  Kids are volatile.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  But this visit has been like magical in the sense of stuff that's happened. I get in on Sunday.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  Take the elevator, I'm at Citizen M, you know Citizen M? Like that chain, Citizen M?

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:52H. Foley?

  Citizen M?

• 47:53Speaker 02

  What their thing is, nice rooftop, nice people, nice, nice lounge area, the room are all very like small but functional.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  They got good stuff, good beds. It's like a traveler's thing, and the check-in is there's no, "Oh, here's the card," you just go pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, and you take the card.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  That process needs to be completely changed. That's like crazy. It's insane.

• 48:15H. Foley?

  Checking in a hotel in a room.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  It's meant for like a working person and it's cool. And backpackers use it and hip people use it. Cause they have a rooftop bar open till 2am only for the hotel guests. I like that.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  Very cool.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  I hate.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  No riffraff.

• 48:27Speaker 02

  I hate when you have a nice hotel and then the, oh.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Just people from the street are in there.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  I saw you on the plane. Don't come up here.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  I saw you.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  I saw your pass. It was blue.

• 48:38H. Foley?

  Now you go up to this, when you're in the city, like, who you been hanging out with? You go by yourself?

• 48:42Speaker 02

  I mean, it was the UFC at White House. I wanted to see that at the bar. I didn't do any spots that night. I need to relax for a second. So I go and take a few beers at the rooftop bar.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  Very nice. You earned it.

• 48:51H. Foley?

  I take a few beers at the rooftop bar. That's a nice sentence.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Are you talking to people at the bar?

• 48:55H. Foley?

  He has to be.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  Sometimes. I'm scared.

• 48:59H. Foley?

  You're chatting people up.

• 49:00Speaker 02

  First time in my lifetime. This has happened. I'm thirty-four years old. I've traveled a lot. I've done a lot of stuff. I've never had this happen. I go to the elevator. Chick walks on. I'm on floor seventeen. She's fifteen. Chick walks on. She says, nice shoes. I say, nice dress. You know, I go, I come back quick too. She says, I got, the rest of it is nice too.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  Oh, how ya done?

• 49:24Speaker 02

  I'm like, where are you going? You tell me. Like, that's what she says.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  I mean, what are we doing? You're James Bond.

• 49:29H. Foley?

  What are you, what are you wearing?

• 49:31Speaker 01

  A dirty shirt that was on the chair.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  A chair? I'm wearing it.

• 49:34H. Foley?

  Call good looking kid?

• 49:36Speaker 02

  No, no, but, I'm alright like that. So, now I'm trying to figure out if she mentally ill, because that seems, that seems like crazy.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  This is a guy who thinks people are out to get him. Is she mentally ill?

• 49:46Speaker 02

  I know.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  I mean, I would also agree with you for sure.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  But you just go, you go, you're, this don't happen. You're trying to get one of them.

• 49:53Speaker 02

  So I talk to her. Name's Catalina. Nice girl, big titties. Nice girl, big titties. Uh, laughs great. She's got a big round face. Those are the best chicks that have a big round face. The echo chamber. It's like a big laugh and they're fun personalities and they always suck dick. When you see a chick with a head like Stewie from Family Guy. When you see a chick with a head like Stewie from Family Guy, big, American football, she sucks dick. Look into it. I've said this on multiple podcasts. Look into it. So this chick's super pretty, so cute. Big titties. I talk to her. I try to see if she's mentally ill. I ask her seven times eight. She says fifty-six. I'm like, wow.

• 50:31H. Foley?

  Fifty-six?

• 50:33Speaker 02

  No.

• 50:33Speaker 01

  No, what's seven times?

• 50:37Speaker 01

  You go fifty-six.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  I thought she was fifty-six.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  It also seemed like you were questioning if you didn't think seven times eight was fifty-six.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  It's eighty-one, motherfucker! Yeah, okay.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  So, I find out she's cool. I tell her, "I wanna watch the UFC, that's what I'm doing tonight." And I don't wanna bring her, cuz I wanna watch UFC by my... I don't... With my friends, I can, but if my friend doesn't... I watch... that's the only sport I watch. If you don't know, I don't wanna hang out with you.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, you want them to know.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  So stupid. You're gonna ask stupid questions. You're like, "Oh, this is kinda gay." Yes, move on. I wanna go alone to a bar, so I'm watching, drinking the beer. And I start getting text messages. She starts sending me pictures, her in the room, like...

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Really?

• 51:18Speaker 02

  The hole is out. Like sexy pictures, sexy pictures.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I picked up on that.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  And she's like...

• 51:22Speaker 01

  You said the hole is out first.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  She's like, "How about you finish your gay little sport, then you come over to my room on the fifteenth floor and fuck the shit out of me, you know?" I didn't go, I was scared. But I've never had that happen.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  No way.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  That's New York!

• 51:35Speaker 01

  That's not the New York I live in.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  So, next day, I wake up, and Arish Shafir gets me an audition at the Cellar. I'm always scared, I'm always scared to ask. I get that, I do Joey Diaz's podcast, which is... I'm doing your guys' podcast.

• 51:48Speaker 01

  Let's go!

• 51:49Speaker 02

  This is like a good trip!

• 51:53Speaker 02

  This is like a good trip! Puerto Rican girls. There was the Puerto Rican Day on Sunday. I walk around, they can't call me. They call me Vanilla. And I felt offended, like, like, they're scary too.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  Big an attitude.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  You didn't go and hook up with the chick on the fifteenth floor?

• 52:08Speaker 02

  I was scared, yeah. But it was hot, it was hot!

• 52:12Speaker 01

  Always gonna go check out the hotel, bro. What hotel, Citizen M?

• 52:16Speaker 02

  I'm here for the fight! After the... you know, after the... like, after UFC, and you know, it's like... I'm like a guy that if I need to do something like that... It needs to happen like, the ball needs to get rolling.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  I'm not like a zero to a hundred kinda guy, yeah.

• 52:32H. Foley?

  Hey, hold on, what do you mean the ball needs to get rolling?

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Like, like on the elevator and then, but then when we step away and I start thinking, I'm scared now.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  You're going in like cold kind of, you're like going from like, oh, we're just gonna go and do this. But if she would've been like, hey, come get a drink, we'll hang out.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  She wanted to get a drink too, but I don't wanna really like, I wanna watch the fights.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:52Speaker 02

  I mean, holy shit, Justin Cage, he's reading the declarat- he's not, he's not reading, but he's looking at the Declaration of Independence. And then walking out to fight a Spanish guy.

• 52:59H. Foley?

  If she just said, hey, come on back to my room now, you would've went though?

• 53:02Speaker 02

  No, she kept texting me all night, of course.

• 53:04H. Foley?

  No, but I mean, right there in the moment, on the elevator.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  No, no, then, definitely not.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Really? Why?

• 53:09Speaker 02

  It's scary, you gotta be, you gotta-

• 53:10Speaker 01

  You get hit over the head with a sack of nickels when you get in there. Steal's watch.

• 53:13Speaker 02

  I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know.

• 53:16H. Foley?

  So you would've, you would've, you're, you're romance.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  The fact, the fact that you gave me, like, verification or like, hit on me, that's sometimes enough. I went to the hotel and jacked off alone, thinking of her.

• 53:32H. Foley?

  That's a pretty good philosophy.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  You know, sometimes that's even better, just the fact that-

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  Cause usually you talk to girls, I gotta, I mean like, for four hours, I gotta, please, I'm a nice guy, I'm actually a sweet guy, I'm scared, I'm scared, please, please, please, please. But I've never had someone reverse that on me, where I'm kinda like, whoa, what is this?

• 53:50Speaker 01

  Put you on your heels a little bit.

• 53:51Speaker 02

  And she liked it too, she was like, oh, you're scared, and she like, stepped up to me in the elevator, like steps right up to me, like, huh? Cause she knows what she got. And I was like, ah!

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Big Stewie face, yeah.

• 54:03Speaker 02

  Those are the best chicks, all of my, well, not all of my ex-girl, actually, yeah, the two last ones did it, and also they weren't the best dick suckers, so. There's a pat.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  But they got a big laugh, they was laugh, chicks, lot of teeth, you need to see a lot of teeth, it's a big mouth, it like, creates a lot of reverberation, those are fun.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  You've thought about a lot of things I've never thought about.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Some girls have a little like a mouse mouth and you know it's like it's gonna be like Do you ever hear girls that you can't even hear what they're saying? I hate to be a girl like that in a restaurant in New York. We get the shit table in the middle, I can't even hear you.

• 54:43Speaker 02

  And a little bitch that I can hear from the bathroom.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Somebody that's ruined another

• 54:49Speaker 02

  Ari, what do you want? I need that. What if I fall down in the stairs and we need help, dude?

• 54:58Speaker 02

  I need a big bitch creates an echo throughout the cave we're in.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  I'll not say you're at that dinner, right? Is there any dinner you're out with a lady where you're not picking up the check? Or you're always picking up the check?

• 55:11Speaker 02

  I used to not pick up the check due to financial reasons.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  Of course, I'm saying now to your new budding career, obviously. You'll pick up the check.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  I'll pick up the check because that's like what you do and it feels good, that feels good. And also, girls are pretty. Even a pretty girl that's a cunt and you don't want to fuck, give her the dinner. Just feed her. They deserve it. They're out there fucking in an alley getting approached and seeing cock and it's scary being a girl.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 55:38Speaker 02

  It's scary being a girl. You gotta get the baby, you gotta do a lot of stuff as a girl and you gotta be pretty. If you're not pretty, I don't even look at you. It's a rough life as a girl. So I'll buy you dinner. For all our sins.

• 55:49H. Foley?

  If she's pretty but she's not nice, is that a turn off for you?

• 55:53Speaker 02

  I hate that.

• 55:54H. Foley?

  It kills you.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  Or

• 55:56H. Foley?

  Kills it.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Even a thank you. All of the girls that I've ever dated in my life have always been sweet in the sense that if we go on holiday and I'm picking up stuff or something, they've always and it's not that I need it, this is, it's not that I need it, but it's just a nice a little thank you. I don't need you to be fucking

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Just recognize that it

• 56:18Speaker 02

  And then, you know, the things I do to you later at the hotel, now I say thank you. Because I'm also doing some things that shouldn't be done.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  You're so beautiful, and I'm a fucking, like, I look like ass. I mean, like a pig, I mean, you know, I'm not like a, I'm not a lady. Ladies are so much more beautiful.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Very true. I like them a lot.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  I know, yeah.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Have you ever, what do you guys prefer, like, pretty girl? Or, let's say you're out on a night and you're having fun, you're coming back to the game, and you're doing well in comedy.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  And you're hitting a group of chicks, one is really pretty.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  A group of chicks? You don't know me.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no, you're not.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  I'll stop you right there.

• 57:06Speaker 02

  You're looking, who wants to fuck me? You're like scouting, you're scouting.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  And there's a pretty, pretty girl that you up front start noticing, because she's the hottest one. But she's such, even the voice, the pitch.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, nah, then I'm out.

• 57:22Speaker 02

  But then there's a chubby one in the back, and she's got an incre- at first, you're like, wow, you're ugly.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  She's eating wings or something.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's got the mustache illuminating.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can't, nah.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  No, no, no, but, she starts laughing, she adds a little tag, she starts looking.

• 57:37H. Foley?

  A bit of blue cheese in the corner.

• 57:38Speaker 02

  I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  She's burping.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  And she's smell, and she starts smelling better and better, because the pheromones are liking her as a person. She's hot. You go for that girl?

• 57:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, honestly, it's, uh, whatever floats my boat, you know, if I'm feeling it, for sure. Like, if, if, whatever the physical, whatever the physical attraction is.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  I've banged girls so ugly, but they're such fun people to be around. That are, and then you bang and you keep looking up, you're like, don't look down, just hear the riffs. And then you're like, dude, I was banging this one broad, maybe like, this is like three and, three or four years ago, and I brought, I don't mean that disrespect, but that sounds, she's an angel. But she was late 40s, but an angel.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  And she's so ugly that it's like, like when I'm kissing her, I can smell her pussy already because it's like it's bad. But she was such a great hang.

• 58:34Speaker 01

  I'm gonna throw up.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  And then I'm banging her, keep looking up. She kept saying, I can't believe this is happening. I'm like, me neither.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Don't tell nobody.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  And then, yeah, you close that. And then see, I think that was a Citizen M2 where I met her. And then the blinds are incredible on the iPad, and it's a full blackout. You need a full blackout for this one. But then in the morning when there's, wow, and you see her in the morning, you're like, wow, what did I do? But, but the, but the attitude is what gets me.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:01Speaker 02

  The way you make me.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  All of that, all that gives me anxiety.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  The way you make me feel is what matters.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  If I'm scared of you, and you're like intimidating, and you're trying to do this alpha chick, like, come on and get me, you know, like, ooh. I don't like that.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  You don't feel that.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  I like a chick that pushes me around and tells me, I'm gonna suck your asshole till.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  Chick is like a deuce and a quarter, you know what I mean?

• 59:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they have attitude, and they're fun, and you feel relaxed.

• 59:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 02

  And you don't feel so bad.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  But that makes you, yeah, that's what makes you feel good. It's not necessarily based on the, the, the appearance. It's, I feel good.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  And then you feel like a prize.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  What's wrong with that?

• 59:38Speaker 01

  That's great. That's a perfect match.

• 59:39H. Foley?

  You feel pretty.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  I've always been with, I'm always the guy like, please, yeah, you're a dumb whore who got genetically lucky, but can I please get a piece of the puss? But like, but like a Stewie head.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Uh huh. I'm with it. I get you. That's what, that's how you, that's, that's what gets your mojo going.

• 59:57Speaker 02

  I know, it's crazy. So sometimes you see like a guy, a hot guy with an ugly girl, and you're like, I know exactly what's happening. She's an amazing person.

• 1:00:07H. Foley?

  He's the funniest person I've ever.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  Because if you see a hot chick with an ugly guy, it's money. You see a.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  That's what, yeah, I mean, I kind of got that going on. But I, she was with me before the money. I'm out, I've, she's hot, I'm above money.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  No, you know, Germans are like German shepherds too. They're loyal. German wives and German shepherds, they're super loyal. That's a good, and they're practical. They don't make emotional mistakes. You date a Latina girl, she might be in Spain with her girlfriends, and there's Drake at the venue. What the fuck?

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Sounds like a personal thing.

• 1:00:36Speaker 02

  And you're screwed. You're screwed.

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  A, a German girl will look at Drake and be like, ah, you know, in the longer, like if I calculate.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  The money, you know, he's gonna make me get the jet to Toronto, bang me out, and then that's done. But this guy here, in the next five years, is looking pretty good.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  He's steady, right in the middle.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  She'll break it down.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:01:02Speaker 02

  But once you stop making money, you're gonna be in trouble.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, yeah, there was a long time in the relationship she made, she had them. I was like a proper loser.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  Oh, oh.

• 1:01:14H. Foley?

  She was paying for everything.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  She was paying for everything.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Me too, oh my god.

• 1:01:16H. Foley?

  He's a real loser, Ari. Not cool guys like you and me.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  She invested in the, she lent us the money to start the first studio.

• 1:01:25H. Foley?

  Seed money, as it were.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:27H. Foley?

  And jihad.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  That's like hot when your wife's like, "Go do your little thing."

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was very embarrassing, dude, it was very embarrassing.

• 1:01:33H. Foley?

  You and your little fat friend guy do your podcast.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  Oh, your friends.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  I ran back to him, I'm like, "I got it." We burnt, we blew through at a meeting.

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  You're like, "Honey, we had Joey Diaz on, uh, yeah, we had Joey Diaz on."

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  Where's, where's the rest of my money? Yeah, we paid her back in full, obviously, once we started.

• 1:01:50H. Foley?

  Took me a minute, but whatever.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cool.

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  We're on a payment plan, you know.

• 1:01:53H. Foley?

  Yeah. It's straightened out.

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  And you're like dating now?

• 1:01:58H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  No, not yet.

• 1:01:59H. Foley?

  Not yet.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, just to be respectful.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  He's at the Drake concert?

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, you don't wanna go to East Village tonight, where there's a lot of hookers on that one corner near the stand. I mean, you don't wanna do that.

• 1:02:12H. Foley?

  Are there?

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  That would be disrespectful.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  In the middle of a divorce, who would want like an angel for like no conversation and all money?

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  They need to borrow a couple bucks or something.

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, you do a live podcast, and you hang around near the door where the chicks walk out. Who'd want that? That's like disrespectful to the misses.

• 1:02:32H. Foley?

  Sure, you wanna follow through.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  You don't wanna do that.

• 1:02:35H. Foley?

  Do things right.

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:36H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  You don't wanna show your Patreon number to open mic'er girls. Who wanna get ahead in the business? Show your Patreon number to an open mic'er. Do a, you wanna show your Patreon money to an open mic'er that's looking for a leg up? "I can get you on, I can get you on." You don't wanna do that, that's disrespectful.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Alright, I got, I got one question, then we gotta wrap it up. Speaking of cash-

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  I've interrupted all of your stories, I'm so sorry.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  No, it's perfect.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  Alright, this is the funniest hour I've had in like, four years.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Um, do you carry a Venmo balance? Do you deserve cash in your Venmo right now?

• 1:03:13H. Foley?

  Can you see? Do you have Venmo?

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  My, my, uh, my, uh, ex-girlfriend set it up for me. I need to go through the website.

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  You get to go through the website? You're going to Venmo.com and logging in?

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Oh, no, actually, I do have a, wait, let's see, let's see, let's see, Venmo. Mm-hmm, let's see, this is a good question, guys. Motherfuckers need to pay me.

• 1:03:33H. Foley?

  Who needs to pay you?

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  The motherfuckers.

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  US balance, zero.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  So you don't use-

• 1:03:39H. Foley?

  European balance?

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  Crypto, what the fuck?

• 1:03:42H. Foley?

  You got crypto?

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  No, crypto balance is zero too. This is bad, huh?

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  You're jammed up, kid.

• 1:03:50Speaker 02

  Dude, I went to the cheese bag to draw some checks off yesterday, the lady goes, "What are you doing?" Cause I just have money and the checking, I have random things, I don't even know. The card doesn't work, correct?

• 1:04:00H. Foley?

  I'm bad with checks, man. They usually, they avoid it.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  I know, yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  That is a, that is a new, when you get, they, you can go and sit down at the desk. Anytime I ever had to sit down at the desk in the bank, it was ba, it was-

• 1:04:15H. Foley?

  Not good.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Bad.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  It was like, "We gotta talk about this, we're closing your account, whatever, whatever." "You're overdrafted, you're not carrying a balance, whatever, whatever."

• 1:04:23H. Foley?

  They just usually want a conversation.

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  Now, it's more of like, "Do you know how we can help you, Mr. Ryan?"

• 1:04:28H. Foley?

  Really?

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:30Speaker 02

  Oh, well, I got a Mickey Mouse card, they don't ask me.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  Alright, that's a fucking scumbag.

• 1:04:34Speaker 02

  I got a Mickey Mouse card, they don't ask-

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  You got a Mickey Mouse debit card, dude?

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  I didn't know, I signed up for the child's program. So, my limit is like, 500 bucks deposit, I can't even put more.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  You can't put more than that?

• 1:04:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, because it's a child's, like, thing. I didn't know, I didn't see. They just let me, I saw Mickey Mouse when I was registering. As soon as I see Mickey Mouse, I'm in.

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  Maybe you are a child, I don't know.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, so I'm like, "Mickey, Mickey, Mickey." And I, when, when I called the line, like, some, there's a problem, when I called the line, it's a Mickey Mouse theme song, cause it-

• 1:05:00H. Foley?

  They ask to speak to your parents?

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  Cause it's a Mickey Mouse visa.

• 1:05:02H. Foley?

  No, it's not.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  It is, yeah, it's a Mickey Mouse visa. And then when they find out that, what I wanna do with the money, then I was like- Wait, what?

• 1:05:09H. Foley?

  They talk to your parents.

• 1:05:10Speaker 02

  And then they go like, "You want the credit card or the sapphire? You want that?" You know, I say, "I'll be there tomorrow, sure."

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I started up for me.

• 1:05:18H. Foley?

  One of the funniest.

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  I love you, buddy.

• 1:05:20H. Foley?

  Appreciate you coming. What do you got coming up?

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:05:22H. Foley?

  Hit them with the dates.

• 1:05:23Speaker 02

  It's arimatti.com, A-R-I-M-A-T-T-I dot com. I'm doing some, a few theaters in August.

• 1:05:29H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're trying.

• 1:05:31H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:31Speaker 02

  Things are looking. Yo, I see blue dots in my dreams. You ever see like, the empty seats? Ah! Ah!

• 1:05:41H. Foley?

  The blue dot fever?

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  The blue dot fever, maybe?

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Blue Dot Monday, let me tell you. It's been on my mental health, it's been rough.

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  Sure, it'll get you.

• 1:05:49H. Foley?

  Never check the numbers on Monday.

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  It's about to be over for all of us, isn't it? I can feel it coming. Don't you feel it coming? There's like, so many new ki- Cam is with Eddie Murphy. Cam Patterson is on Eddie Murphy now. He's the new Eddie Murphy. Ba ba ba ba ba. This guy, this guy, he's crowd working. Jeff Arcuri, he's selling out the next thing.

• 1:06:05Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  Madison Square Garden, every night is Matt Rife. Every arena is Matt Rife. I think we're done, guys. I think we're doing like, a dying thing.

• 1:06:13H. Foley?

  And there's Ari Matti with a $500 Disney Visa card.

• 1:06:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, Mickey Mouse card, yeah.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, Dr. Grin's.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:19H. Foley?

  What do you got coming up?

• 1:06:21Speaker 01

  He just said, he plugged the way in.

• 1:06:22H. Foley?

  That was it?

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  I don't know like, the numbers, but I know it's in Dallas is one.

• 1:06:26H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  It's one is near Detroit.

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  Okay, that's good.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  That's where I'm at in my career. I'm in Detroit, I'm near Detroit.

• 1:06:32H. Foley?

  Pontiac, Michigan? That sound right?

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  No!

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  So, come check me out.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, check him out.

• 1:06:41H. Foley?

  Ari Matti, ladies and gentlemen.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  I love you guys.

• 1:06:42H. Foley?

  Kip, what do you got for him?

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  Guys, we only have Denver Comedy Works. Those tickets are almost sold out, are about to be sold out, so get them. They're definitely gonna sell out, so get them while they last.

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  Comedy Works, one of the best.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  The best.

• 1:06:53H. Foley?

  I got a headache, I was laughing so hard. That was fucking funny. Guys, we love you so much, Ari, we love you, buddy.

• 1:06:57Speaker 02

  I'm happy about your divorce. Let's go.

• 1:07:00H. Foley?

  We'll see you next week.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's, yeah, let's not meet open micers.