MBMBaM 741: Face 2 Face: 50-Way Pasta for Big Kisses

Welcome to the last live show of the Twenty Fungalore tour at the beautiful and delicious Pabst Theater. Join us as we lay the year to rest with an anthropomorphic Munch Squad, some wholesome haunted dolls, demon erotica, and a very neatly stacked pile of bricks. Suggested talking points: Digital Ibex Death, Brick and Mortar Magicians, My Axe is Leg Meat, A Lot of Time the Adventure is Hornets, Dwanta, All Those Ways of Describing Back Muscles, Chopin's 100 Farts Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  And their advice should never be followed. Old Travis insists he's a sexpert.

• 0:16Speaker 00

  If there's a degree in his wall, I haven't seen it. This is the last show of this tour, and I still have to read the damn thing. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool babies?

• 0:35Speaker 01

  One, two, three, four. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapping into a precious friendship.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  I could've never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  It's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  It's better, it's better with two. My life, it's better with you.

• 1:26Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome, my brother, my brother in mean advice show from the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Woof Woof McElroy.

• 1:45Speaker 00

  Uh, greetings, Trav Nation. I'm your sweet baby brother in 30 Under 30 Media Luminary. They can't take it from me, Griffin McElroy.

• 1:56Travis McElroy?

  And we'd like to welcome you, Milwaukee, to the end of the 20 Fungalore Tour.

• 2:06Travis McElroy?

  Tonight is a funeral for our friend. No, it's not sad. See, we do a fixed number of them, and eventually, one of them is the last one. And it's not like announcing that is like, "And we're actually done right now, and gonna leave the stage."

• 2:21Griffin McElroy?

  We had 14 seconds of content prepared for you tonight.

• 2:26Travis McElroy?

  So, this is the last... I'm sure you all in Milwaukee have probably heard about it before, but Milwaukee dressing rooms are the greatest dressing rooms on the planet.

• 2:35Griffin McElroy?

  Jesus Christ.

• 2:37Travis McElroy?

  You all don't understand. We've been on the road for a year now. Not straight, though.

• 2:43Travis McElroy?

  You really under- We've been on the road for three days. I know, but you... That was my joke, and you really undercut my hilarious joke very quickly.

• 2:49Griffin McElroy?

  It kicked ass, and then you ruined it.

• 2:51Travis McElroy?

  Well, this is a collaborative show, normally. In a sense. So, uh, Backstage... They have a buck hunting machine? They have some... They have somebody that makes coffee, but there's only eight of us, so they're not very busy.

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  I was getting dressed in this costume that, "Man, I'm gonna miss so much."

• 3:15Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, has it started to feel like Griffin is the costume, and this is the real you?

• 3:19Griffin McElroy?

  No, I know what I am and what's happening here. And I'm growing increasingly tired of dressing as Nintendo's littlest pervert a few nights a month. I was getting changed, and I came out like, "All right, guys, it's showtime." And I heard Justin shout, "Hold on, I have to finish killing this ibex." And I was like, "Jesus Christ."

• 3:41Travis McElroy?

  I've never killed something before I went onstage, especially not one of God's most perfect creatures. And I'm ready to do the show of my life, guys. Watching the life bleed from that digital ibex? It gave me a high I didn't know I could experience outside of a discotheque. It's gonna make for a new, interesting change to our writer. It's like, Justin must kill something before every turn.

• 4:05Griffin McElroy?

  Justin must extinguish the life of-

• 4:07Travis McElroy?

  Parenthesis: Digital preferred, but not required.

• 4:09Griffin McElroy?

  Not required.

• 4:11Travis McElroy?

  So this is the final show. We have emerged, like our friends at the Chilean miners, back here in Milwaukee. We always try to perform within 100 yards of the Fonzie statue. We like to be able to see it from our dressing room every time we perform in Milwaukee.

• 4:30Griffin McElroy?

  We're staying at a different hotel than we usually stay when we come to Milwaukee to do shows. And when Dad found out, he was like, "We're not gonna see the Fon statue." As though they were, y'all were just gonna tear it down and throw it in the river.

• 4:45Travis McElroy?

  You know, the Fon, the bronze Fon.

• 4:48Griffin McElroy?

  The bronze Fon.

• 4:49Travis McElroy?

  Uh, but this is still an advice show, as it was at its inception. We take your questions and we turn them alchemy-like into wisdom. And we're gonna do that one more time here on the 20 Fungalore Tour.

• 5:00Griffin McElroy?

  And then 100 times more, every live show we do and every recorded show at home. We'll continue to do this.

• 5:05Travis McElroy?

  We actually just, weirdly, we actually just crossed recently 100 live shows. Isn't that wild? 100.

• 5:14Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 5:14Travis McElroy?

  I mean, we've been doing it for like 14 years, so that's actually not a great...

• 5:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's it.

• 5:20Travis McElroy?

  It's not bad. It's not great. It's not bad. Better than most. I work at a sportswear store next to a stadium, and a lot of people stop in to get shirts and jerseys to wear to the game. The problem is that sometimes they don't wait to change into their new shirts. And after I finish a transaction, they take their shirts off and change the new one right in front of me. How do I get people to use the changing room instead, or at the very least, get them to leave the register lane before they change clothes? That's from the change I don't wish to see in the world.

• 5:49Griffin McElroy?

  Are you, are you here? Hello? So close. Hi.

• 5:53Travis McElroy?

  Travis would want me to tell you he came up with that name and he's very proud of himself. I am.

• 5:57Griffin McElroy?

  It's true. So, this is outrageous.

• 6:04Travis McElroy?

  At the very least, they need to get good at that thing where you put the shirt on over the old shirt and then you kind of do a secret shimmy. Seeing a lot of, lot of nods out there. Yeah, a secret move. That shimmy where like, how'd you do, how'd you do that Lance Burton? Uh, the dressing room is not good because anybody could go back there with a shirt and be like, yeah, it's fine. I changed, I bought it up there earlier. You didn't see. I'm just gonna change in here and then leave very quickly. You are absolutely correct, Justin. You need to have a changing room right next to the register. As you step out of line, you finish your purchase, you go into a little?

• 6:36Griffin McElroy?

  Airlock. Between you and the outside world.

• 6:39Travis McElroy?

  A light lock.

• 6:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:41Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. Maybe it's a situation where they were hoping to sell their old shirt back to you for store credit.

• 6:47Travis McElroy?

  You should be able to sell your shirt on the spot on consignment.

• 6:51Griffin McElroy?

  That's how I do it in Japanese role-playing games where I'm like, new armor, thank you. Here's my old busted shit. How much you want? You're gonna give me eight coins? Sounds good.

• 6:59Travis McElroy?

  I'm never using it again. I've never thought about what's happening when you're in that inventory screen. Yeah. For the shopkeeper in there where you're like, ah, thanks for the new armor.

• 7:10Griffin McElroy?

  I got 80 bug meat.

• 7:12Travis McElroy?

  Do you?

• 7:13Griffin McElroy?

  I want that?

• 7:14Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna try that the next time I'm at American Eagle. Like, and, and also, this shirt, can you break it down to its material components for me? I'd like you to take, take this dirty old Flying J t-shirt and just break it into three cotton? If that seems good? I won't need any more, but can I actually infuse the button down I just bought? Let me give you all these sandals I found while I was out in dungeons and whatnot. Do you want candle holders? I got 50.

• 7:46Griffin McElroy?

  You, I think you could take a page out of Trader Joe's book and every time anyone does that, you ring a very loud bell.

• 7:57Travis McElroy?

  And if they say, what is that? One of those big like towel crier bells. Bong, bong. Hear ye, hear ye. He's doing it again. Social norms have been broken. This is a place where a sign would help. A sign would help? A sign would help. Please don't. Here's what's gonna happen, though, because this is gonna be one of those times where you put a sign up that's like, don't take your shirt off here in front of the register. And we were like, huh, does that happen? Yes. Yeah. So my, the wording of it is so difficult, because you can't just be like, don't get partially nude here, please. Yeah, just change on your own ti- I mean, it is, it does beg the question, like, do you want them to do it out in the street? That's, that's clearly worse for that person, right? You know that.

• 8:41Griffin McElroy?

  This is a fucking great question. Why are they gonna change it to their new cool jersey shirt?

• 8:45Travis McElroy?

  This is a shirt-changing store. It is kind of testing the bounds of the no shirt, no shoes policy, when you're like, what about just for a second?

• 8:53Griffin McElroy?

  But the transaction is complete.

• 8:54Travis McElroy?

  The service is done.

• 8:55Griffin McElroy?

  The service has been rendered. I'm gonna do what the fuck I want.

• 8:59Travis McElroy?

  There should be a big light switch next to the register that just blacks out the entire store for a second, like, you need to change? You got 10 seconds. Oh, what if you paid a magician to come out and lift up one of those fabric rings? And it's like, wait, ta-da!

• 9:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. It's the shirt I just bought.

• 9:15Travis McElroy?

  You could- Oh shit, it's a tiger! Fuck, get out! You could upcharge for that at checkout, like, as long as I've got you, do you wanna sign up for our email list? I didn't think so. And for $10, you can do a magician's change right here in the store. It's like, and a red light goes on in the back, it's like, ah, fuck. All right. Hold on, I'm coming.

• 9:35Griffin McElroy?

  It's hard, I bet, finding jobs as magicians now. We should start employing them in our nation's retail clothing outlets.

• 9:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It might get me out to brick and mortar if I knew a magician. I see way too many of you nodding, like, meow, I've thought about this. Sorry, I didn't, I didn't follow that sense. Did you see if there needs to be more brick and mortar magicians out there? That's what I'm saying, more magicians in brick and mortar stores. We've lost mom and pop magicians in this country. Yeah. Too many magicians on TikTok and YouTube. Whatever happened, you had your general store-

• 10:06Griffin McElroy?

  The rest of the show gang.

• 10:07Travis McElroy?

  You had your post office, you had your magician. Yeah. It was all right there. Mom and pop and magic and predation. That was a small town that I grew up in. Yeah. Ledger maine around every- Every corner.

• 10:20Griffin McElroy?

  Could you set up an outdoor pop-up tent where you would sell clothes to people who like specifically have had a hundred light beers to drink that afternoon? You can come in and be like, "You're not gonna change your shirt in the right place." We understand that. We made a safe store just for you.

• 10:39Travis McElroy?

  We got one of those old-timey beach tents that people used to change into their bathing costumes in.

• 10:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:44Travis McElroy?

  Right here, just a big yellow and white striped canvas deal.

• 10:48Griffin McElroy?

  It's more of a cooldown tent. Like, we have chairs that are comfortable in front of full-length mirrors so you can really ponder the inner self.

• 10:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:55Griffin McElroy?

  While you sober up. But also, if you want some merch, some good sports gear.

• 11:00Travis McElroy?

  And yeah, all the sports team names are misspelled on the shirts.

• 11:03Griffin McElroy?

  It doesn't fucking matter, man.

• 11:05Travis McElroy?

  If we do the right names, we have to pay extra. Yeah, man. Sometimes if I get off work early, my walk and commute home from work goes through an area that children leaving school are also walking. Because of this, there are volunteer crossing guards with the vests and the stop signs assisting children crossing. Last week, I went home early and when I came to a street crossing with a crossing guard and waited for them to tell me what I can do, they looked at me like I was stupid because I'm an adult and I don't need help crossing the street. Brothers, what do adults do with walking up to a volunteer crossing guard for children? That's from wildly wavering in the windy city. Are you here? Hi.

• 11:44Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, hello.

• 11:44Travis McElroy?

  Hey, I know you weren't asking here. You didn't do anything wrong. No. Yeah, you're fine. I think the problem is that often, the best time to cross the street is going to be when the little kid says you could do that. I don't know if it's a little kid. In your case, in my school, the safety patrol was little kids with bamboo staffs and one orange.

• 12:03Griffin McElroy?

  We did have bamboos, full-ass bamboo staffs.

• 12:05Travis McElroy?

  And we've been trained to fight with them, obviously. We had white belts and bamboo staffs with one flag on them, one orange flag. I got fired from the safety patrol, so. Wow, trash. I asked too many questions. God, I wish that was a joke.

• 12:22Travis McElroy?

  So like, your authority is already pretty tenuous because you are the same height as your clientele. And I think an adult just kind of blowing past you really doesn't help that at all. This is what I'm saying, is like, the other option, besides like, deferring to their expertise, is to completely ignore them and go when you feel like it, which is way worse than doing to another human being. It's not your fault that the safest time to cross the street may be when they say. I mean, that's just gonna line up sometimes, and you do have to wait to cross with a little kid. This is, this is the problem, Justin. What you really did there was highlight for them that their job is to point out that the light has changed and it's cool to go. It's like, they're, and the second you're like, "Let me know when the lights change", they're like, "I get it. You don't need me here."

• 13:06Travis McElroy?

  As a, as a driver, I do enjoy, though, when the crossing guard is like, "Do not worry about this stop sign. You are so fucking cool, just cruise on by." And I always give a little tip of the cap, like, "Ooh, that's two, two and a half seconds saved on my commute. Thank you, sir." Wait, hold on. The crossing guard says, "Don't stop here"? The crossing guard will, as a- That's not their job. They can't do that, Griffin. Okay, crossing guards in real cities sometimes will overrule the traffic lights, because they gotta start running stuff.

• 13:35Griffin McElroy?

  You look at the person first.

• 13:37Travis McElroy?

  They don't have that authority. They do, I assure you. If you got pulled over, if you got pulled over for running a stop sign and said, "It's cool, the guy in the neon green vest said I could."

• 13:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Trev, yeah, man. Are you telling me that you have situations where you arrive at an intersection and the crossing guard is like, "Come on", and you're like, "Ah, no, I think I know best here. I'm gonna stop."

• 13:57Travis McElroy?

  Because I assume his brother-in-law, the cop, is 10 feet farther down the road, and they're like, working together. That does sound like cop tricks. I'm not checking that crossing guard's papers to make sure he's an actual crossing guard. So, flip side, if the guy says, "Stop", and the light changes green, you're like, "Meh, sorry, pal."

• 14:15Travis McElroy?

  You move. No, you move. I'm in a car. You're going right out into it. The lights said it was smart. I have had, I have had crossing guards, and I respect this immensely, where they will stare me down as they're holding a sign to let kids cross, as if I was gonna go, "Fuck those kids." I was like, "Yeah, I also know." I have had that. I have had that when the, you're the first car, and the, and the crossing guard kid looks at you like, "Not so fast." I'm like, "Chill out."

• 14:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man. Oh, man. I got one of those, uh, the day before we came out on tour. I stopped at a stop sign, a kid crossed, and went, I was fully zero miles an hour, like, "Yeah, fucking kid, I get it, dude."

• 14:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:50Griffin McElroy?

  I don't need an expert here in a little sash to tell me not to hit kids with my car. Thank you.

• 14:55Travis McElroy?

  I wasn't gonna. I wasn't gonna.

• 15:01Travis McElroy?

  (mumbling) I want a munch squad!

• 15:17Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch squad!

• 15:23Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast.

• 15:28Travis McElroy?

  Profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. Today I've got an exciting bit of news for you, two, two pieces of news, two small stories. A couple of Munch Squad. They're changing hamburgers. Nope. It's meat, bread, meat now. Now, KFC already did that, I'm sure. Scooter's Coffee releases menu lineup inspired by Candy Land game. What? I love Candy Land game. All right, let's, that's holiday season. All the, all the gang, let's meet the gang in these Candy Land inspired games, Paul. Let's go to the first one. First up is the Mr. Mint Mocha. Okay. Your adventure to the candy castle is gonna begin when you scoot on around to one of our 825 Scooter's Coffee locations in 30 states nationwide.

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  New menu items are available that bring together the sweet adventure of Candy Land with new and returning holiday favorites. First up, the Mr. Mint Mocha. Hey, can I just say? Yeah, we have a lot. Mr. Mint there, I've never thought about this before. Whatever he's gesturing to is a trap. Oh. Don't, because you're gonna reach for it or walk through, and he's gonna cut you in half. Lop. I think he's saying, Yeah, do it. I think he's saying, "Stand here if you want the best possible angle on my eight wonderful testicles."

• 16:43Griffin McElroy?

  My eight enormous. My two, my, my two, what I call my four testicles, the front, they form a sort of butt, which is exciting for everyone.

• 16:54Travis McElroy?

  My axe is made of my leg.

• 16:57Griffin McElroy?

  My blade is leg meat.

• 17:00Travis McElroy?

  Next up, yeah, he's got a mint hot chocolate and a mint mocha. But this one's a mystery. You can't see what's in that one.

• 17:09Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so did they not have like transparent PDF or PNG art of Queen Frostine?

• 17:15Travis McElroy?

  Queen Frostine has a sugar cookie latte and Queen Frostine has a couple. And then let's see the last character ton of meat, Paul. It's Graham. It's a, let's see, it's a Jolly Grumdrop. Look at that cutie patootie. Who doesn't want to eat that? No, no, Paul, go back, go back, go back.

• 17:32Griffin McElroy?

  Don't you skip on Jolly.

• 17:33Travis McElroy?

  Because what I want to talk about here, I cannot imagine a texture combination worse than having a drink with gumdrops in it.

• 17:42Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit, man.

• 17:42Travis McElroy?

  They're at the bottom. They're at the bottom at the end. It's like, ah. There's no, it's like they said, hey, you know how Boba T's popular? Now imagine they can't pass through a straw and might kill you.

• 17:53Griffin McElroy?

  These are, these are nobody. Do not pass go. Hey, is there another character?

• 17:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's King Candy. They got a cake. Did you say something about testicles? So that's a cake, a cake bite infusing white cake with fizzy popping candy and coating each bite with white candy.

• 18:12Griffin McElroy?

  He has, he has six external testicles and a chest bristling with little breasts.

• 18:21Travis McElroy?

  This is my breastplate.

• 18:25Griffin McElroy?

  That fucking rules.

• 18:30Griffin McElroy?

  I could think of like 12 different parades this guy could lead as the marshal.

• 18:36Travis McElroy?

  Only two of them are illegal.

• 18:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 18:39Travis McElroy?

  And Paul, I think it's finally time to meet her, Grandma Nut.

• 18:45Travis McElroy?

  This lady's name is Grandma Nut. Did you know that? It's Grandma Nut Latte, a warm, a warm and comforting creation featuring cinnamon brown sugar and hazelnut. That's Grandma Nut. It's a real shame Grandma Nut lost her neck in the war. Yeah. Knock, knock. Who's there? Grandma. Grandma who?

• 19:07Griffin McElroy?

  Whoa, Grandma Nut?

• 19:08Travis McElroy?

  Grandma Nut.

• 19:10Griffin McElroy?

  Is this from the Candy Land?

• 19:12Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I just asked Paul to get a bunch of pictures of Grandma Nut.

• 19:16Travis McElroy?

  So I could talk about Grandma Nut. Is that a, is that a scarecrow made of popcorn in the back contemplating its very existence?

• 19:23Griffin McElroy?

  Just don't look at Grandma Nut, for Christ's sake. If you meet her eye line, she's gonna talk about all of, all of her nuts and she won't stop. That's a lot, Grandma Nut.

• 19:32Travis McElroy?

  Her name's really great. Here she's got full pockets full of nuts, two big pockets of nuts, two big sacks. And a dog you can put things in.

• 19:40Griffin McElroy?

  That sucks. That dog is really troubling. How come some of them's is food and this is a woman with a basket dog?

• 19:48Travis McElroy?

  Uh, okay. Some of them are food. That's an inanimate dog basket. Yeah. Basket ain't food or people. Uh, okay. Just hear those sleigh bells ringling, ring ting tingling, doo. Yes, that's right, folks. It's holiday time. This is the Candy Land drinks. It doesn't matter. Uh, Salt and Straw is launching an ice cream lineup inspired by upcoming holiday movie Red One.

• 20:09Griffin McElroy?

  This looks like artificial intelligence made it. Is this a real fucking flick?

• 20:14Travis McElroy?

  This is a movie that every time I'm reminded it exists, I realize I've completely forgotten it exists until the next time.

• 20:22Griffin McElroy?

  It's the shittiest Golden Compass adaptation.

• 20:26Travis McElroy?

  This is a movie that, judging by the trailers, a lot of people think that a lot of the movies, I like mean, I'll like this, and they have been wrong every single time so far. They have not been right yet. This is a movie, uh, where Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Chris Evans star in Red One. And none of those people were in the same place when the picture was taken.

• 20:45Griffin McElroy?

  No fucking way.

• 20:46Travis McElroy?

  Especially that polar bear. We've got, uh, it's about, it's, I don't know, it's about, so the important thing is that Duanta Claus is back for, I think, the fifth year, uh, with some new creations with Salt and Straw. They're all inspired by this movie. Um, they got a naughty and nice ice cream cake with a little tiny picture of Duanta Claus on it, which I think is so cute.

• 21:08Griffin McElroy?

  Can we enhance the Duanta Claus image at all? Cause it doesn't- Enhance.

• 21:13Travis McElroy?

  I'm drunk.

• 21:15Griffin McElroy?

  Shit, man.

• 21:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, my cake. I'm Duanta.

• 21:21Griffin McElroy?

  Are we, is Duanta, are we sure that's the best we can do with that?

• 21:27Travis McElroy?

  We can get pictures of him. He's real. We could get a picture of The Rock.

• 21:31Griffin McElroy?

  I would even prefer Duanta, I think. Like, get the full, yeah, right?

• 21:35Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I thought you meant the image.

• 21:37Griffin McElroy?

  Well, no, the image is also wild, yeah. It looks like if Dwayne The Rock Johnson was a Santa Claus neo pet for some...

• 21:45Travis McElroy?

  So, the thing that I like about Duanta Claus is that Duanta Claus is not exclusive to any one brand. Duanta Claus can be used to market, like, his line of energy drinks when they have holiday flavors.

• 21:57Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 21:58Travis McElroy?

  Any sort of holiday offering can be marketed to you by Duanta Claus, who is like his Coca-Cola Santa, who comes just out at holidays.

• 22:07Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 22:07Travis McElroy?

  And for, like, November to December, he's Duanta Claus. Don't even call for Dwayne, he's not around. So this cake is naughty and nice. Each has a unique and indulgent combination of perfectly constructed flavors. No one does naughty like our friend Duanta.

• 22:23Griffin McElroy?

  No one, what, hold on, what?

• 22:26Travis McElroy?

  That's something like your drunk aunt says at a party, and you're like, wait, no, no, no, Cheryl, go back, go back. What'd you say? No one does naughty like our friend Duanta. Okay. So who better to help us dream up seven layers of devilish decadence in our first ever handcrafted ice cream cake? As if a sweet, sinful nightcap collated with our favorite peanut butter cup candy, wink.

• 22:50Griffin McElroy?

  Why, does it really wink?

• 22:51Travis McElroy?

  No, it's just, that's me, it's Reese's. Uh, and, uh, anyway, Dwayne has two different cakes for you. Who? Duanta.

• 23:00Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 23:01Travis McElroy?

  Or Column Drift, as he's literally called in the movie. No, no. So you can get, uh, Salt and Straw is also doing some ice creams. They've got the Commander of the E L F P B Chocolate Crinkle, which is a hearty tribute to Callum Drift's power-packed meals.

• 23:18Griffin McElroy?

  Cool, man.

• 23:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 23:20Griffin McElroy?

  I love this guy, for sure.

• 23:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, he's like a carriage I know about, would love to eat an ice cream about him.

• 23:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. When I saw the Christmas Red One movie and saw Rock in it, I thought, I'd love to eat an ice cream about him.

• 23:33Travis McElroy?

  It's the North Pole's ultimate indulgence for strength and cheer.

• 23:37Griffin McElroy?

  Holy shit, cool.

• 23:39Travis McElroy?

  Sure. This also, though, could be like a promo image saying like, what do you mean you don't say Merry Christmas? Yeah.

• 23:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 23:47Travis McElroy?

  Very threatening in that way.

• 23:49Griffin McElroy?

  It's a Christmas buddy comedy starring Dwayne Johnson and Kirk... Fuck, I can't remember.

• 23:56Travis McElroy?

  Cameron.

• 23:56Griffin McElroy?

  Cameron. Shit, it would have been better if I could remember his goddamn last name.

• 24:00Travis McElroy?

  Uh, Santa has a flavor too, it's red. Wait, just stop there, here. Santa has a flavor? Of ice cream. Show Chris Evans, that dork doesn't have a flavor.

• 24:12Griffin McElroy?

  No way.

• 24:13Travis McElroy?

  Jack O'Malley, I doubt it. Next. Yeah, so Santa has a flavor.

• 24:18Griffin McElroy?

  And an aroma, I'd imagine.

• 24:20Travis McElroy?

  Capturing the essence of Santa's favorite cookie platter. How come from, like, every time they do a, like, a real-life Santa now for, like, the last 10 years, he's kinda dingy?

• 24:30Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, he's dingy and fucking built.

• 24:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, he's swell. He's got a, uh, an eggnog custard swirled through his ice cream. And lastly, there's Krampus's mince pie with pecan crust. This is inspired by the spirited mischief of Krampus Nacht.

• 24:47Griffin McElroy?

  I, I would...

• 24:48Travis McElroy?

  That's not really from the movie, you made that up, right? This flavor recreates a classic mince meat pie with a twist. The twist is... It's human meat. It's humans.

• 24:58Travis McElroy?

  It's got the unmistakable Warren the Holiday spices. You can get these naughty and nice ice cream cakes available for a limited time at Salt and Straw locations. That's not appetizing at all.

• 25:06Griffin McElroy?

  The nice one looks like wood chips, and the top one looks like chocolate cookies and stuff.

• 25:12Travis McElroy?

  Well, they're all available for you in store now. That's your Munch Squad for this week, thank you for your attention.

• 25:23Travis McElroy?

  I am helping a friend, okay. You ready? I'm helping a friend-

• 25:27Griffin McElroy?

  Wait, give me a second.

• 25:28Travis McElroy?

  Yes, please. I'm helping a friend organize a celebration of life after their distant relative passed away.

• 25:34Griffin McElroy?

  It's pretty fucking funny so far.

• 25:38Travis McElroy?

  They have asked me to provide a pasta dish for an event that could have anywhere between five and 50 people attending. I did not know their relative and have never talked to my friend about pasta preferences. Brothers, what is the best pasta to bring to a celebration of life? And that's from Pa-

• 25:58Travis McElroy?

  That's from Pasta Problems. Are you here?

• 26:03Travis McElroy?

  Okay, hi. So, I do want to say, pursuant to your question, I do think it's the most important thing. What, aside from the pasta choice, and aside from the fact that it is for a celebration of life, which is in and of itself pretty wild, what on earth could make it so that they don't know if five people will come to this funeral-

• 26:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:31Travis McElroy?

  Or 50?

• 26:33Griffin McElroy?

  We are talking about completely different venue requirements at that point.

• 26:39Travis McElroy?

  For starters, and like, what happened in your life that maybe some people know about, but a lot of people might know about, and they're not gonna come, but maybe it didn't get out, and maybe not as many people know as I think know, and we'll get like 20, but if everybody knows, there might be five.

• 26:58Griffin McElroy?

  I would think with a wake with 50 people would be catered. So I would imagine this is gonna land closer to the smaller end. Immediate gut reaction, one of the spirally fun ones. I don't think you can go full-blown-

• 27:10Travis McElroy?

  One long, continuous strand of spaghetti.

• 27:13Griffin McElroy?

  There it is.

• 27:15Travis McElroy?

  Because love binds us all together. Yeah. Like one long, continuous strand of spaghetti. It extrudes directly into a pot and there's nine minutes of pasta inside the pot. It's being drawn out the other end.

• 27:30Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 27:31Travis McElroy?

  Through an unextruder, being drawn onto a plate. There's snip where they have the amount you can make basically infinite.

• 27:40Griffin McElroy?

  Well, okay, but we could.

• 27:41Travis McElroy?

  Here's what you do. You lay out all the pasta and depending on how many people are gonna be there, there will be more spokes to the wheel. Everybody start eating at the same time, one big kiss in the middle.

• 27:50Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, hold on. So, hold on, hold on.

• 27:52Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no.

• 27:52Griffin McElroy?

  Travis has just invented... Okay, I didn't know this was an option. Travis's answer is basically you invent a new pasta shape. It is, it has a central, I imagine, rock hard nucleus.

• 28:03Travis McElroy?

  Other podcasts have done it, yes.

• 28:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 28:05Travis McElroy?

  But now we are taking our time.

• 28:06Griffin McElroy?

  There's a central, rock hard nucleus on this pasta.

• 28:08Travis McElroy?

  Inedible.

• 28:09Griffin McElroy?

  And then five to fifty strands of pasta coming off of it. Everyone slurps at the same time to me in the middle of a fucking bodacious, so sexy, so sexual fifty-way kiss.

• 28:23Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna see some people eating slower or faster than others and you're gonna have to be coaching as you go. Slow down, slow down.

• 28:29Griffin McElroy?

  Well, no, you can't talk, so be like, mm.

• 28:32Travis McElroy?

  And I think, I think what we're gonna need is some, some vats of sauce that you can pivot around to and could sort of like dip it in, like let it dr- let it kind of droop. It goes through a bowl of sauce as you go. Let the slack come up through the sauce ravine.

• 28:45Griffin McElroy?

  But what if...

• 28:46Travis McElroy?

  Maybe some kind of attachment where the sauce is just right, sorry, I have to talk into the microphone. The sauce is right in front of your mouth, so as you eat, it's just moving through. That would be better, to have a boat of sauce. Yes. Here.

• 28:55Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I see.

• 28:56Travis McElroy?

  It's getting coated as you go. Or you don't even have to coat it, Trav. If you just take like one lick of the sauce. Oh, okay. You combine it in your mouth for the primo pasta experience. Maybe start with a mouthful of sauce to begin with. That's pasta, baby.

• 29:11Griffin McElroy?

  After this, after this arcane ritual has completed, the ghost of the loved one appears and is like, ah, yes, just what I wanted.

• 29:20Travis McElroy?

  How did you know, Derek's friend, that I was a massive pasta burger? In accordance with my detailed specifications.

• 29:27Griffin McElroy?

  Show me the talented chef that could craft this grand pasta design.

• 29:32Travis McElroy?

  That's what it is. It's gonna start with 50 and you're cutting it down to five. Who can make it to the end of the pasta fastas? And the first five get five equal portions of their billions of dollars, I assume?

• 29:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Fuck, yeah. I don't even wanna do anymore for this question. That's a kick-ass idea. Novelty 50-way pasta for big kisses.

• 29:55Travis McElroy?

  Hi, we're the McRoy Brothers and we'd like to introduce you to-

• 29:59Griffin McElroy?

  Sharks, Sharks, we'll make this quick. We got 50-way pasta for a big old kiss at a wake with-

• 30:05Travis McElroy?

  They say no, Griffin. They're saying no. That was quick. Thanks, Sharks. I appreciate it. It's as far as they let us get. "A few years ago, I inherited a potion stamp collection from an estranged uncle. The collection is massive, taking up about a third." That's weird, by the way. I just did, I didn't realize this when I read the question initially, but it is kinda weird that your uncle's like, no, I'm not gonna call him, but they can have my stamps when I die.

• 30:29Travis McElroy?

  That's usually the beginning of an intense mystery. Yeah, the collection is- Who murdered your uncle? The collection is massive, taking up about a third of the spare room in which they're currently stored. "After speaking with multiple collectible dealers, I have learned that in 2024, these stamps are basically worthless. No one will buy them and they're only worth their postage value if that. They're just taking up space in my house at this point. Brothers, what should I do with several thousand stamps? That's from perplexed by postage in Pleasant Prairie."

• 30:58Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? Hello.

• 31:01Travis McElroy?

  You say estranged. Is it possible that he didn't like you?

• 31:04Griffin McElroy?

  Travis?

• 31:05Travis McElroy?

  Hey!

• 31:07Griffin McElroy?

  Did you go to his house one time and you were like, "Why are you storing all of these stamps in their own individual 6x6-inch boxes that would occupy one-third of a whole room of a house?" Stamps are so small. I have to imagine as a stamp collector, one of the premium benefits is that the thing you're collecting is so fucking small. How's it taking up a third of a room?

• 31:31Travis McElroy?

  I think that you should burn these.

• 31:36Travis McElroy?

  Now, listen. I have a good rationale for this. Do you wanna hear it? Okay.

• 31:41Griffin McElroy?

  You're all complicit now in mail crime?

• 31:44Travis McElroy?

  The stamps don't have feelings. The stamps don't give a shit. You wasted so many of your fucking life minutes figuring out if these are worth a goddamn cent, and the answer is no. And if you store these fucking anywhere, initially, eventually, the cent of yours is gonna come and do the same goddamn rigmarole again. Just burn the fucking stamps, dude.

• 32:09Griffin McElroy?

  Or...

• 32:10Travis McElroy?

  No. They had their fun. They collected them. It was fun for them. That's collections, baby. It was fun.

• 32:18Griffin McElroy?

  I also have an unless, so do your unless.

• 32:20Travis McElroy?

  Okay, unless. If they're worthless, it's because there's a lot of these other bad boys floating around. You need to burn those stamps.

• 32:26Griffin McElroy?

  That's good.

• 32:26Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Yeah, you're going on a nationwide hunt, maybe worldwide, to find the other stamps that match these. Now this is crime. Now this is criminal.

• 32:34Griffin McElroy?

  Unless...

• 32:35Travis McElroy?

  Wait, who are... For clarity's sake, are you unlessing me or Travis?

• 32:40Griffin McElroy?

  I'm unlessing originally you.

• 32:41Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 32:41Griffin McElroy?

  Travis's idea is fucking ironclad. No holes whatsoever.

• 32:44Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so that's like one that's like, that one's done and solved. That's like one bulletproof. A nationwide tiny arson streak.

• 32:51Griffin McElroy?

  So unless...

• 32:53Travis McElroy?

  Unless...

• 32:54Griffin McElroy?

  You park these bad boys in a storage unit, which you do not pay the second month's fee of, and you let it go delinquent, and then you sit and you tune in to fucking Discovery, and you wait and you watch? You see fucking Europe, and you're like, nope, motherfucker. I know the answer to this storage unit. It's a bunch of shitty stamps, idiot.

• 33:16Travis McElroy?

  And then one of the collectors who said it was worthless shows up and goes, "Yeah, actually, if that's worth a lot of money, I'll take it," and you're like, the long con.

• 33:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:22Travis McElroy?

  Dave and that guy were working together. That's what you gotta watch out for.

• 33:26Griffin McElroy?

  Also, I think stamps are... Stamps do cost money to send them. Which seems so strange to me, because we advertise for a place that is like all about streamlining that entire industry. But it's like, how much is stamps now? Like fifty?

• 33:42Travis McElroy?

  Seventy-four cents.

• 33:43Griffin McElroy?

  Seventy-four cents. Hold on, let me...

• 33:44Travis McElroy?

  Uh, don't search for it. It's not funny. You should be able... You should be able to mail a stamp collection for free. No postage on it, right? No problem.

• 33:53Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 33:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, there's postage inside. Oh, I didn't put a stamp on it, you say?

• 33:58Griffin McElroy?

  It's 73 cents on average.

• 33:59Travis McElroy?

  Ah.

• 34:00Griffin McElroy?

  Times, what, 3,000 stamps? Does that sound like a good estimate?

• 34:03Travis McElroy?

  Well, they're not new stamps in the collection, girl. This isn't thousands of stamps they went and bought today.

• 34:08Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, no, no. You misunderstand. These stamps are worth exactly 73 cents. If there's 3,000 of them, that's $2,190.

• 34:14Travis McElroy?

  Unless they're forever stamps, but go on, okay?

• 34:16Griffin McElroy?

  I'm saying you run your own tiny, independent post office outside of your house. A lot of my... I apologize. A lot of my solutions today are pop-up shops. But this is like, you post up... I think you could even do it in front of the post office and be like, "For 72 cents..."

• 34:35Travis McElroy?

  I can give you this old one that's already been used, I think. I don't know how stamp collecting works.

• 34:40Griffin McElroy?

  No, it's gotta be stick... You can't... It's gotta be sticky, untouched, primo.

• 34:45Travis McElroy?

  Hey, it just occurred to me, but there's definitely people who have gone and bought thousands and thousands of forever stamps. And they're like, "In 50 years?"

• 34:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, of course, man.

• 34:52Travis McElroy?

  These things are gonna be worth so much money.

• 34:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's an investment.

• 34:53Travis McElroy?

  That's the thing, right?

• 34:54Griffin McElroy?

  Of course, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I bought, you know, I got a storage unit recently. And I hope I end up on Storage Wars someday.

• 35:03Travis McElroy?

  Well, not you. You're not in the storage unit, Justin.

• 35:06Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, no, but like, my storage unit, I would love to have like Daryl or one of the gang be like, "Today I'm talking to my book expert friend about how much I can expect for these 200 copies of Everybody Has a Podcast Except For You."

• 35:22Travis McElroy?

  Less than worthless? I owe you money for looking at them?

• 35:25Griffin McElroy?

  Wow. Can you dispose of them for a reasonable... No? They're toxic? What? To burn? Yeah? Wow.

• 35:36Travis McElroy?

  But go get yours available at any store I see today.

• 35:40Griffin McElroy?

  Start your search at the bargain table and then work back from there. It'll be in a section that is labeled "Books That Came Out Like Five Years Too Late."

• 35:53Griffin McElroy?

  I'm narrow casting to the two other people on this stage right now.

• 35:56Travis McElroy?

  That's in our hubris section. To be fair, it was our fault because no one was making podcasts during the pandemic.

• 36:02Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no, wait. We did time it perfectly, actually. Fuck. No excuse. Quality of the pros, they say. We have to move on.

• 36:13Travis McElroy?

  I grew up skateboarding and I've taken it up again as an adult. The problem is I'm very short, just shy five feet tall. So when people see me skating around, they often mistake me for a child. Gets super awkward when it's another adult that starts talking to me like I'm a child and I have to break the news that I'm in fact 31 years old.

• 36:32Travis McElroy?

  Brothers, when I'm out skateboarding, how do I say to the world that I'm a grown adult with a mortgage and not 13 years old? And that's from Really Short King and Racine.

• 36:39Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? Hi.

• 36:46Travis McElroy?

  When an adult talks to you like you're a child, I can't imagine seeing what I think is a child skateboarding and being like, I'm gonna engage.

• 36:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's also wild. Although there are, I get TikToks sometimes of a kid beefing it on a half pipe. And then some young Tony Hawk looking guy skates over like, you gotta put your balance on the back foot. When you lean forward, give it everything you got. You gotta believe in everything you can do. You can do it. Believe in yourself. And then they do it and everyone's like, yeah. And they're like crying. They're like, thank you, young Tony Hawk. And I wish so bad someone would do that for me.

• 37:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:21Travis McElroy?

  He's like believing you that much? In skateboarding?

• 37:23Griffin McElroy?

  I, in everything, I guess.

• 37:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 37:26Griffin McElroy?

  And I can think of some stuff. I can use like a young Tony Hawk.

• 37:30Travis McElroy?

  Or Tony Hawk.

• 37:31Griffin McElroy?

  I, that would be good too, obviously.

• 37:33Travis McElroy?

  I was just thinking about like, my worry would be that if somebody started treating me like a 13 year old, I might just sort of roll with it.

• 37:41Griffin McElroy?

  Vibe on it, yeah.

• 37:42Travis McElroy?

  So like, yeah, man. Yeah, totally. So like, what should I do? So as long as you're a grown up, um, what's going on now? What should I do different? Okay.

• 37:54Griffin McElroy?

  You could carry a copy of your mortgage around with you everywhere you go.

• 37:58Travis McElroy?

  In a briefcase.

• 37:59Griffin McElroy?

  In a briefcase.

• 38:00Travis McElroy?

  What are TV, what are TV shows that only adults like? Crime scene kitchen. Well, I only like a few adults like that, I think. Yeah, but like. I think it's mostly you and Sydney. But no kids. Only murders in the building? No kids are watching that, right? If you wore your only murders in the building t-shirt, I guarantee you, no one is gonna mistake you for a 13-year-old. Just as you're skateboarding, like mutter about how difficult it is to get things for like insurance to pay for. Yeah. Like as you're skating, be like, "Am I gotta get a new roof?" Um, you could signal it the way I signal it, and when you fall, just lay there for five minutes like, "God damn it! Ah! Ah! It hurts! Ah!"

• 38:42Griffin McElroy?

  They're not getting up. Yeah, don't go, if they were a kid, they'd have spry bones.

• 38:45Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they have a bounce up by now.

• 38:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's a grown-up. You could tell by the writhing.

• 38:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they've been there, they've been there for seven full minutes. Yeah, they're laying there muttering about how no one's gonna have any sympathy for them for them for doing this.

• 38:59Griffin McElroy?

  Have you tried skateboarding so fucking good that no one will even say shit to you at all?

• 39:04Travis McElroy?

  That's so cool, dude.

• 39:05Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta take your knocks on the park and on the vert ramp, because that's how you, that's how you get there. You think Tony Hawk didn't have people confusing him for a child all the time?

• 39:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 39:16Griffin McElroy?

  Probably not, he's enormous.

• 39:17Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, he's always been like six foot eight.

• 39:19Griffin McElroy?

  He's a huge man.

• 39:20Travis McElroy?

  Huge. Um.

• 39:25Travis McElroy?

  What the hell? Sorry, this is weird. There's not normally a Munch Squad and a Haunted Doll Watch in the same episode.

• 39:33Griffin McElroy?

  I would say it's literally never happened, and you're pulling out all the stops for the final live show of the 20 Fungalor Tour.

• 39:41Travis McElroy?

  And Justin, I'm just gonna go ahead and take the segment, I definitely put a lot of work into preparing, and throw that away. Wow, Trav, no. You know what?

• 39:49Griffin McElroy?

  Do it now!

• 39:50Travis McElroy?

  No, Justin, I don't wanna see you here in there.

• 39:52Griffin McElroy?

  No, Trav, go ahead and do it right now.

• 39:54Travis McElroy?

  All right, we're gonna do a live sadly.

• 39:56Griffin McElroy?

  No, we're not. Go ahead, Juice.

• 39:57Travis McElroy?

  All right. Haunted Doll Truman.

• 40:03Travis McElroy?

  Huh. You're purchasing? What? Oh, God! It's okay. I need you to trust me right now.

• 40:11Griffin McElroy?

  I, you're my brother and I do not.

• 40:13Travis McElroy?

  I know you're scared and you're, you should be scared because it's your show, but you're scared. Trust me. Thank, fair.

• 40:22Travis McElroy?

  Ha, okay. Uh, this is, uh, all right. Meet Truman. Ever since I brought Truman in, I didn't feel a child with him.

• 40:31Griffin McElroy?

  What? Are you kidding? Because it, Truman's holding a picture of a child, so that's.

• 40:36Travis McElroy?

  We'll get there. The.

• 40:39Travis McElroy?

  Can you, did you read the full title of Truman? Yeah. Meet Truman. Uh, haunted doll Truman, stuffed animal grandfather. Okay. Okay. Haunted doll Truman. Meet Truman. Ever since I brought Truman in, I didn't feel a child with him. The seller I got him from had him advertised as a child. I hate that. I just felt I needed him to find out what was really going on. Truman is actually the grandfather of this young child.

• 41:05Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 41:06Travis McElroy?

  Huh. How? Okay. Huh. Okay. Her dad was sick. Okay. Apparently before the baby was born, the child's mother had a fight with her family. Her dad was sick with emphysema and expected to live not long. And his dying wish was to meet the child. It ended up, his daughter and his wife couldn't come to an agreement for her to be able to visit her father. He just says that he will never forgive his wife for not letting the family come together, knowing he was so sick. He clipped, he clipped onto this photo so that he could be the grandpa that he wanted to be if he would have survived. Now.

• 41:38Griffin McElroy?

  Stop. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

• 41:42Travis McElroy?

  Every part of it is wild. So you're telling me. Yes. Canonically. Uh huh. This grandfather died. Within the canon, yes. Before his. When, when. So far in fiction, you were right. Went into that stuffed animal. Yeah. Correct? And then the rest of the family was like, well, time to get rid of grandpa. We'll leave this picture of the child with him though.

• 42:07Griffin McElroy?

  I thought it was the grandpa hadn't yet died, wanted to visit the kid. Their mom and wife wouldn't let him, so he was like, guess I'll die. And hopped into this fucking, uh, beanie baby.

• 42:17Travis McElroy?

  And what I'm saying is either way. They got rid of grandpa in the doll and sent a picture of their baby with him.

• 42:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:25Travis McElroy?

  So they had to know grandpa was in the doll.

• 42:28Griffin McElroy?

  And now he's on fucking eBay, which is like the saddest part of all. That's someone's grandpappy. He fought in one of the world wars.

• 42:36Travis McElroy?

  By the way, um, his message, if you're curious, was to try to honor a person's last wish before they pass, because the grief followed him to his death. Ah, bummer. Truman likes hard tax and coffee once in a while. Wait, hard tax? Hard tack like Civil War bread, I guess? He hates scurvy. All right, next up, let's meet a pair of gents. Thank you, Paul. Paul had so many. Uh, let's meet Haunted Doll, Luke and Joseph, best friends.

• 43:05Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm, two for one. Aw, yeah, I like them.

• 43:08Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I like their vibe a lot. Yeah, these, these guys fucking kick ass, dude. And can I just say, Seashell Blessings here, the seller, 560 ratings, a hundred percent positive.

• 43:20Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, look at this shit, Trav. It's undeniable.

• 43:23Travis McElroy?

  This is their second Seashell Blessings. We're celebrating them this time. Meet Luke, palm tree, and Joseph. So Luke's by the palm tree, Joseph is standing.

• 43:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I cracked, I cracked the cipher juice.

• 43:34Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. The pair were best friends from early childhood all the way through high school. I found these guys when we were on vacation, and they are definitely something else. I actually heard a man whistle as I walked away from them, and I turned back around and no one was there. It was the weirdest thing. I felt compelled to purchase them, even though it was more than I wanted to spend. These guys are awesome. They are definitely from the 60s. Wait, just to jump back, they heard a man whistle, but there was no one there, and then they bought them from somewhere. Yeah, once I bought, once I brought them home, I gave them an offering of whiskey, and boy, they were lighting up like crazy.

• 44:09Griffin McElroy?

  What's that look like?

• 44:10Travis McElroy?

  There has been a lot of experiences that I've had just since having them. They basically just like being teenage guys. That one's vaping. Look, that is a fucking vape.

• 44:19Griffin McElroy?

  Break Travis, you are 100% right. It's a big one. It's a big one, but I've seen some big ones.

• 44:25Travis McElroy?

  So, but if they're from the 60s, what were they kicking around in until fates were invented? Just like, super quick, I want to mention that Lucas mentioned he was trying to save a child when he got caught in a riptide and got sucked in. And then Joseph realizes best friends in trouble and he obviously went to help, so they died. But these two are really a funny pair and I've enjoyed them, even if it was for a short time. They communicate with all forms of divination. I love, I love these two guys.

• 44:47Griffin McElroy?

  Again, I have to question the nature of premeditated doll becoming of, did they have a question? Like a conversation at some point like, hey dude, I had a great idea. We're best friends. What if we died and became like Redondo Beach Boardwalk Chachkies forever?

• 45:05Travis McElroy?

  I also love the idea that when I die, my ghost might suddenly become good at divination. Like, can you imagine getting a ghost like, help me with divination? Like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? I don't know how to do that. We got one more to meet.

• 45:21Griffin McElroy?

  Juice, I can't even read all these words in sequence, dude.

• 45:24Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so it doesn't matter. Let's just meet the doll. It's negative haunted doll predator.

• 45:31Travis McElroy?

  He knows what he did. He knows exactly what it is. He looks very contrite, to be fair.

• 45:39Griffin McElroy?

  I, I genuinely almost fell backwards in my, I had to catch Travis's chair to catch my.

• 45:44Travis McElroy?

  Don't, hey Paul, don't go to the last picture yet. Is his hat a brush? Yeah, his hat's a brush. This vessel is the home of the human spirit, Tony. His energy is negative and he has sexual predatory behavior. He enjoys the company of women and will gladly communicate with a woman via definition or.

• 46:02Travis McElroy?

  Tony's spirit has entered my dreams and caused disturbing sexual dreams. His spirit also tends to explore on your body. There have been nights where I can hear him breathing heavy next to my bed. Beware of welcoming Tony into your home. Tony doesn't do well with other spirits, though he's left my pets alone. I would be cautious of welcoming him into a home with men.

• 46:21Griffin McElroy?

  Tony, Tony.

• 46:24Travis McElroy?

  Let, hey, let, folks, we are gonna take a break and I would like you to go use the bathroom and buy posters before I show you this. By Sidney Dean. And here's, I just want to go on this final picture of Tony who's still available for sale and then we're gonna go. Okay, everybody, have a good intermission. Go ahead, Paul.

• 46:42Griffin McElroy?

  Tony, you know what you did.

• 46:44Travis McElroy?

  We'll be right back.

• 46:57Griffin McElroy?

  Hello, I was drinking some Gatorade Sport Fuel.

• 46:59Travis McElroy?

  I understand. And can I tell you, maybe that's the reason I'm looking at you right now? Your aura is off the charts.

• 47:05Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you. I've been doing a sort of energy cleanse juice situation where I look at pictures of my loved ones for eight hours a day and I'm drinking this crazy, crazy juice. I'm just shitting my brains out.

• 47:20Travis McElroy?

  Hey, can I just say, I'm glad that you're taking the time to look at pictures of your loved ones? Eight hours a day as both your brother and co like worker on a lot of projects? That's very troubling.

• 47:32Griffin McElroy?

  Well, Aura Frames makes it so easy to look at beautiful pictures of your family and your loved ones.

• 47:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but for eight hours?

• 47:40Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, sure. Yeah, I mean, that's why Aura Frames is the best gift you can give someone this time of year. It's because Aura Frames is a beautiful digital picture frame that you can upload unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone, right to the frame. It's great for you if you want an eight hour cleanse.

• 47:58Travis McElroy?

  Well, okay, see, that's where it shifts because I like the part where it's easy to upload the photos and you get all your photos and stuff on there. The, I think that the part that's kind of tripping me up is where you sit, I assume in like silence by yourself?

• 48:13Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, yes, yeah, no, it's not a group meditation situation.

• 48:16Travis McElroy?

  So to appreciate your family more, you remove yourself from their presence for eight hours a day to stare at pictures of them?

• 48:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, they get it. And grandma and grandpa don't know how anything works. And so these digital frames, you can upload the pictures to them for them. And then all of a sudden, they won't be taking screenshots of Facebook with their phone and then posting that on Facebook. Also, you just have Aura Frames there, ready to, ready to give them what they need. I have Aura Frame, I love it. We've given it as a Christmas present to many, many folks. Uh, and if you're struggling to figure out what to get that special someone, save on the perfect gift by going to AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's bestselling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code MYBROTHER at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code MYBROTHER. This deal is exclusive to our listeners.

• 49:07Griffin McElroy?

  So get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply.

• 49:10Travis McElroy?

  You know what I do for eight hours a day, Griffin?

• 49:12Griffin McElroy?

  What's that? Don't say crank.

• 49:14Travis McElroy?

  No, God, not for eight hours?

• 49:17Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I don't know.

• 49:18Travis McElroy?

  Oh, my God, the chafing. No, I just, I just peruse the internet.

• 49:24Griffin McElroy?

  That's actually probably true and real.

• 49:26Travis McElroy?

  And I'm thinking that at this point, the internet has given me so much, Griffin. It's been such a force for good in my life with no downsides.

• 49:33Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 49:34Travis McElroy?

  And now I think it's time for me to give back.

• 49:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 49:37Travis McElroy?

  And maybe like create stuff to put on the internet and finally start putting some content out there. But I have no idea how to do it.

• 49:43Griffin McElroy?

  What have we been doing? What are we doing? What are we doing right now?

• 49:47Travis McElroy?

  Well, this is just two brothers talking. Usually it's three brothers talking.

• 49:50Griffin McElroy?

  True.

• 49:51Travis McElroy?

  For our own enjoyment. We should start doing something with this, though.

• 49:55Griffin McElroy?

  This bit is confusing to me and I don't know how to contribute to it. So I'm gonna go ahead and say the word Squarespace out loud.

• 50:05Travis McElroy?

  Oh, that's a great idea.

• 50:06Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna say the word Squarespace out loud so that technically, according to the documents we signed, this one counts as an advertisement.

• 50:13Travis McElroy?

  By the Geneva Advertising Convention, this is now an advertisement. I didn't know where to put any of this content. We have hundreds and hundreds of hours of recorded stuff and we've never known what to do with it.

• 50:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:23Travis McElroy?

  And now we can use Squarespace, was it you said?

• 50:26Griffin McElroy?

  So, yeah, we, we usually upload these audio files to a RIS. Um, and then people grab the RIS where they want it and then.

• 50:35Travis McElroy?

  And they just skibidi all over the place. Am I saying that right?

• 50:38Griffin McElroy?

  You're saying it right, but it's wrong to have said it.

• 50:42Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 50:43Griffin McElroy?

  So Squarespace, let's you design beautiful websites, engage with your audience, sell anything from products to content to your time all in one place, all on your terms. It's so easy to make a website that looks like you know what the fuck you're doing with Squarespace. Uh, they've, they've got all kinds of tools, uh, and just industry leading design expertise, ready to help you build a sophisticated web portal tailored to your user needs.

• 51:09Travis McElroy?

  A portal?

• 51:10Griffin McElroy?

  A portal and you can climb in the screen. No, you can't, but it feels like.

• 51:14Travis McElroy?

  Even if you could, don't do that.

• 51:16Griffin McElroy?

  Don't do that. That's how the lawnmower man gets you. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. You can hook it up to whatever payment options you want, like, you know, Apple Pay or card, whatever.

• 51:30Travis McElroy?

  Your friend Derek, who will go and collect the money for you?

• 51:33Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know if Squarespace Payments will get Derek.

• 51:36Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. Maybe next year.

• 51:38Griffin McElroy?

  Most other stuff they can do. Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 51:50Travis McElroy?

  And as long as we're plugging things, right now, uh, packages are on sale for Champions Grove, the immersive, uh, tabletop gaming event that is now my second year organizing and planning and everything. Uh, it's going to be at Ravenwood Castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio. We had such a blast last year that we're doing it again.

• 52:07Griffin McElroy?

  This is, you will need to pay me $125. If you want me to sit here.

• 52:11Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:12Griffin McElroy?

  During this paid ad spot.

• 52:15Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 52:15Griffin McElroy?

  For Champions Grove.

• 52:16Travis McElroy?

  I'll have Derek come over and bring you $125.

• 52:19Griffin McElroy?

  I hugely in this process. I think Champions Grove is, is, is a wonder. But if you're gonna make me sit here during our paid advertising time, it will cost you 100.

• 52:28Travis McElroy?

  Well, at this point, you're just wasting your own time. So let me finish the pitch. Okay. So this year we're doing four days instead of last year's three. Um, and thankfully I Need Diverse Games stepped in and made a huge sponsorship so that every ticket we could keep the price down. And I think we kept it at the same price it was last year, if not close. And.

• 52:47Griffin McElroy?

  But you get an extra day?

• 52:49Travis McElroy?

  You get an extra day. Yeah.

• 52:50Griffin McElroy?

  You fool. You're pissing, you're pissing money away out the toilet.

• 52:55Travis McElroy?

  Well, yeah, I have seen my doctor about that and they say it's normal.

• 52:58Griffin McElroy?

  It's weird. When Travis pisses in the toilet, it always goes around the bowl and shoots right back out. It doesn't make any sense at all.

• 53:05Travis McElroy?

  It is wild. It is wild. Anyways, you can go to Champions Grove.com. Uh, it's gonna be Memorial Day weekend, uh, there at the end of May. Come hang out with us for four days. We're bringing out some great tabletop creators and people to play games with you guys. I'm gonna have a bunch of different events. Go to Champions Grove.com for the packages and we'll see you there.

• 53:26Griffin McElroy?

  Here's the rest of the show.

• 53:29Griffin McElroy?

  Who's ready for some science? With sauces and new.

• 53:36Speaker 04

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  And some funny jokes from me.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  On Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.

• 53:46Speaker 04

  From super heavy elements to super heavy pumpkins. From quantum physics to the history of swearing.

• 53:51Speaker 05

  As well as special guests like Tom Scott and Hank Green.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  And some funny jokes from me. Me, Caroline Roper.

• 53:57Speaker 05

  Dr. Ella Hubber.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  And Tom Lum. So join us next time where we will learn about everything.

• 54:07Speaker 05

  Hey, are you playing a video game right now?

• 54:10Speaker 04

  Maybe you put on a podcast while grinding in an RPG.

• 54:14Travis McElroy?

  Or maybe you just don't want to hear that boss fight music one more time.

• 54:17Speaker 05

  Been there. I'm Maddie Myers.

• 54:19Speaker 04

  I'm Jason Schreier.

• 54:20Travis McElroy?

  And I'm Kirk Hamilton. We're the hosts of Triple Click, a video game podcast.

• 54:24Speaker 05

  A podcast you can listen to while you do other things.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  Like driving, or cooking, or playing video games.

• 54:32Speaker 05

  On Triple Click, we share our thoughts on the latest games.

• 54:35Speaker 04

  And breaking news out of the video game industry.

• 54:37Travis McElroy?

  And we also talk about other stuff besides games.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  So while you're doing something else, make sure to check out Triple Click.

• 54:44Travis McElroy?

  Listen on MaximumFun.org or wherever you find your podcasts.

• 54:51Griffin McElroy?

  We are going to now call some folks down to the microphone, which I believe is here. Stage left, house right, right up here up front. Please don't come to the microphone if we do not call you. And I wish I lived in a world where I didn't have to say specifically, explicitly that. We'll call you down by your name and seat number when you come down. If you want to give us your name, your pronouns if you would like, and we'll get into your question.

• 55:15Travis McElroy?

  Also, just let them take a moment to say thank you all for being here. You're joining us. I can see you all now.

• 55:22Travis McElroy?

  Okay, um. I just wanted to show a little gratitude. I appreciate it. No, I just wanted to say, as long as we're talking about stuff, and I know other Griffin is at the microphones, hold on one second. The, um, there's, sorry.

• 55:38Travis McElroy?

  This is such a beautiful theater. If you didn't take a moment to sort of like absorb it, it's friggin' gorgeous. And actually, as you leave that way, they've got some samples of the molding and the... I'm the only person. No, they let you, you can see samples of the chandelier and you can taste them. Because if you're like me, you've been looking at it going, "I wonder what that tastes like." On your way out, just lick.

• 56:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man, for sure. I'd love to chow down on that light fixture on the ceiling.

• 56:06Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying, this is, I, that we go to a lot of places and this is such a beautiful place. And thank you for having us here.

• 56:12Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, thank you Papa. Uh, let's start. Hello.

• 56:16Travis McElroy?

  Hello. Hello.

• 56:17Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry, my brother called you other Griffin.

• 56:20Travis McElroy?

  That's alright, it's a wonderful... I mean, he's right, but I'm sorry it happened. The lights are pretty dark, so I, you just kind of look like my brother Griffin.

• 56:28Griffin McElroy?

  How tall are you?

• 56:29Travis McElroy?

  5'11".

• 56:30Griffin McElroy?

  I'm 5'10", so it's pretty fucking close, honestly.

• 56:32Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Sounds like a real 5'10" thing to say, Griffin. Okay.

• 56:38Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, that was funny. It was funny. It's a funny joke, though, but it's good. Yeah.

• 56:43Griffin McElroy?

  Alright.

• 56:43Travis McElroy?

  Birthday boys! Yeah, birthday boys. Take that, Griff.

• 56:46Griffin McElroy?

  So, hello.

• 56:47Travis McElroy?

  Hello. Uh, I sent in two questions. Which one is, which one is it?

• 56:51Griffin McElroy?

  You are Josh?

• 56:52Travis McElroy?

  I am.

• 56:53Griffin McElroy?

  Uh, you had one about...

• 56:54Travis McElroy?

  I have one about flashlights and I have one about...

• 56:56Griffin McElroy?

  Flashlights is definitely the one we want to get into, Josh. Thank you so much.

• 56:59Travis McElroy?

  So, I work for a tool company and I...

• 57:02Griffin McElroy?

  So do I.

• 57:07Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, Griffin. We got him, dude! You got him! Wait. Hold on. Alright, Josh, go ahead. Over, over the course of my, my career, I have accrued, uh, at least 10 flashlights, 10 unique flashlights and I... What makes them unique? Um, they're, they're used for all sorts of different fun things. One of them has a mouth guard that you can bite down on.

• 57:30Griffin McElroy?

  Um...

• 57:30Travis McElroy?

  That's cool. Yeah, um... Oh, shining out, right? Yeah, it's not... Wait, did you think it was a mouth-based internal flashlight? I'm just saying, I've never had whatever oscopy goes in that way, but they definitely don't want you to bite the thing in half, right? Are, are any of them like really bright? Yes, most of them. Like how bright? Uh, it hurt if you look... Looked at him?

• 57:54Griffin McElroy?

  It hurt if you looked at it?

• 57:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:56Griffin McElroy?

  That's about what we were looking for, Josh.

• 57:58Travis McElroy?

  If you all haven't gotten out there, and I think Josh will back me up on this. If you all have not gotten out there to buy yourself a flashlight, and I mean a really intense flashlight, it's wild the things we're doing with flashlights these days, guys.

• 58:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, flashlight technologies.

• 58:10Travis McElroy?

  I got an Olight Seeker Pro 4, and if you turn that thing on, I look like the motherfucking neighborhood. I shouldn't have this much power in my hand. It's like, it's like theatrical lighting. I'm just carrying it around for Halloween. Buy round of applause, because I want to make sure I'm not alone in this. How many of you have felt extreme excitement when you've shined a flashlight and you can see it like on a cloud? Yeah, that's the best shit. You got anything to do that? That was a universal series.

• 58:35Griffin McElroy?

  You got any cloud flashlights, Josh?

• 58:38Speaker 06

  Mayb- I haven't tested it on a cloud.

• 58:40Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 58:40Griffin McElroy?

  Josh, you gotta shine this shit on a cloud, this is the best.

• 58:43Travis McElroy?

  Josh, you haven't lived.

• 58:44Griffin McElroy?

  Josh, what was the question?

• 58:46Travis McElroy?

  Did you have a question, Josh? Or did you just want to shoot the shit about flashlights?

• 58:49Speaker 06

  I just like flashlights. No, I, I have all these flashlights, and most of them have magnets, but I don't know how to use them in my daily life. Like, I don't-

• 58:58Travis McElroy?

  The magnet thing threw me for a second there, Josh. Like, inside of them, or it's part of it?

• 59:03Speaker 06

  Part, part of, part of it.

• 59:05Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I used to dread any time I would have to either go into the crawl space under my house for some sort of, uh, home project that I was obviously not fucking equipped to do. Or up into the attic for the same shit. Uh, and then I bought myself some knee pads and gloves and a little headlamp. And then I loved going under the house and in the attic. Because all of a sudden, I'm a little spelunker now. I'm going on a little adventure, and I have everything I need to do it. So I would say, get under there. Get under there, or over there, above there, because there's stuff happening in your attic or in the crawl space under your house you have no fucking idea about. And a lot of the time, it's hornets.

• 59:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Josh. And nothing soothes hornets like having a light shined on them. The brightest lights- On the market, yeah. Josh, would you be willing to commit to only having one light on in your house in any given time?

• 59:58Speaker 06

  I could do that.

• 59:59Travis McElroy?

  Cause that way you can turn one off, flashlight comes on. It's a fun little game to find the next room. Flashlight goes back off, turn the light on. That's fun. Uh, another thing, you could start like providing it as a service for other people. Cause sometimes when it's dark outside, like nighttime, I don't know where the clouds are anymore. Cause it's too dark.

• 1:00:18Travis McElroy?

  And you could use your flashlight to spot clouds for me. And that'd be very exciting. Oh, you know, sometimes I'm outside and it gets a little spooky and I get in my head. And if some helpful stranger ran up with a flashlight shining in my face. And I was like, oh God, light, I'm so safe now. Yeah, the light keeps you safe. It would be cool, Josh, if you could hide them all throughout your home. And then when a storm came, you could stand near one, like no matter where you're at in your house. You have to hide them.

• 1:00:44Griffin McElroy?

  You pound, cause you pound on the fucking banister.

• 1:00:46Travis McElroy?

  Is it unroll, like you're so ready for it. Like at any moment, you're always within arms reach of one flashlight. And it fires out, you catch it out of the, that would rule, actually, Josh, I'd do that. Hey, Josh, you got one of those big mag lights?

• 1:01:01Speaker 06

  It's pretty big. Cool, man.

• 1:01:02Travis McElroy?

  I mean, it doesn't, we're not making it. That sounds like a real five foot 10 thing to say, Josh.

• 1:01:10Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying, when you walk around with a mag light, you're like, I'm good for darkness scenarios. Or if I have to beat some ass, like a cool security guard guy, I guess. If you see somebody who's compensated with one of those giant ass mag flashlights. The thing they, you, you need to remember about them is that person had to go to the store to buy D's. Cause they didn't have D's. They didn't go to the store to buy special D batteries to put their stupid big flashlight. You know who's. What a waste of time. Who's cool and confident? Somebody who's wearing rave gloves with lights on the end of each finger. That person's got nothing to prove. Hey, Josh, you got rave gloves?

• 1:01:50Speaker 06

  Oh, I know what I'm getting tomorrow.

• 1:01:51Travis McElroy?

  Heck, yeah. Yeah. Hey, Josh, did we? Did we help you?

• 1:01:57Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think we did, but we did celebrate you, which is a new angle for us.

• 1:02:01Travis McElroy?

  Hooray for you, Josh.

• 1:02:02Speaker 06

  You helped.

• 1:02:02Travis McElroy?

  Thank you, Josh, appreciate you.

• 1:02:07Travis McElroy?

  Was there someone else?

• 1:02:09Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:02:10Speaker 05

  Oh, hi.

• 1:02:11Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 1:02:13Griffin McElroy?

  You're crushing it so far. I'm so excited about your question.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  You know, I'm gonna be honest, I thought you were just gonna like, read it yourselves.

• 1:02:19Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, no. Do you want us to just do that?

• 1:02:21Travis McElroy?

  Would you feel more comfortable if we did? Cause Griffin's happy to do that.

• 1:02:24Speaker 05

  I mean, I'll tackle it again.

• 1:02:26Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, great.

• 1:02:27Travis McElroy?

  Well, that's good, because I don't know if you know this, we don't know all the details.

• 1:02:31Griffin McElroy?

  That's true. What is, uh, what's your name?

• 1:02:33Speaker 05

  Uh, Yvette.

• 1:02:34Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Yvette.

• 1:02:35Speaker 05

  Hi.

• 1:02:36Griffin McElroy?

  What is your question, Yvette?

• 1:02:38Speaker 05

  So, I'm, I'm writing, I'm writing a book. I'm writing my first novel.

• 1:02:42Griffin McElroy?

  Congratulations.

• 1:02:46Griffin McElroy?

  Lot of book people in here.

• 1:02:48Travis McElroy?

  Surprising.

• 1:02:49Speaker 05

  That's, that's, that's a good thing for what's coming next.

• 1:02:52Griffin McElroy?

  Good.

• 1:02:53Speaker 05

  So, uh, it is very, uh, book talk appropriate.

• 1:02:57Griffin McElroy?

  Nice.

• 1:03:00Griffin McElroy?

  And I know what that means. I, I got you, Griff. Don't worry. Go ahead.

• 1:03:07Speaker 05

  So, it is spicy.

• 1:03:09Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:03:11Speaker 05

  There's, there is spice and, um, attractive people with wings and...

• 1:03:15Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, I love that.

• 1:03:16Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so like, angels?

• 1:03:18Griffin McElroy?

  Is it angels?

• 1:03:19Travis McElroy?

  Could be fey.

• 1:03:20Speaker 05

  Close, you know, maybe the, from the other direction.

• 1:03:23Griffin McElroy?

  Wait.

• 1:03:26Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 1:03:29Speaker 05

  We, we got there.

• 1:03:30Travis McElroy?

  Hey, can I just say, if this is what you're putting on the description on the dust cover, so far, so good.

• 1:03:34Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 1:03:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:36Griffin McElroy?

  I'm buying multiple copies. Dust cover's just like, so, it's pretty spicy, done got angels, but you know, the other ones.

• 1:03:46Travis McElroy?

  I buy the fuck out of that book.

• 1:03:48Griffin McElroy?

  I gotta know, the mysteries.

• 1:03:49Speaker 05

  It's 50% lipces.

• 1:03:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, and the, the author pictures you going, "Ew, I don't know." Ah.

• 1:03:56Griffin McElroy?

  So, you're writing a demon sex novel. What is the question?

• 1:04:00Speaker 05

  You get it, you get it.

• 1:04:01Griffin McElroy?

  I got you.

• 1:04:02Speaker 05

  Um, yeah, uh, my mom keeps asking me what it's about.

• 1:04:05Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh. A lot of religious themes, mom.

• 1:04:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Speaker 05

  She's a Sunday school teacher, so...

• 1:04:13Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Yvette. Oh, Yvette.

• 1:04:16Speaker 05

  I don't know how to...

• 1:04:17Travis McElroy?

  So, mom, you know how demons...

• 1:04:19Griffin McElroy?

  She understands the power of myth.

• 1:04:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:21Griffin McElroy?

  That is... Huge.

• 1:04:24Travis McElroy?

  Mom, you know how demons are always trying to tempt us in sin?

• 1:04:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:27Travis McElroy?

  What my book explores is if we were like, "Fuck, yeah."

• 1:04:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:35Griffin McElroy?

  You could also say it's the hero's journey. And it involves the hero.

• 1:04:42Travis McElroy?

  The hero's horny.

• 1:04:43Griffin McElroy?

  The hero's horny. The hero does go on a demonic sex adventure. But at the end, saved and totally good to go. But then she'll read the whole book. No, I'm not saying you have to make your main character, your main sexual character get saved at the end of your book. Although I think a lot of books would benefit if they ended with the main character getting born again.

• 1:05:07Travis McElroy?

  Can I just say, Griffin, what you've introduced also is the idea that there's a main character, but a main sexual character, and they're two different people? And it's just like interspersed chapters of like, this guy's over here saving the world, and this one's over here getting his dick wet.

• 1:05:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:22Travis McElroy?

  And I can't stress enough, the stories are not related.

• 1:05:25Griffin McElroy?

  Never the twain shall meet.

• 1:05:27Travis McElroy?

  I think you might be surprised that your mom ends up being really proud of you. Because I think that any, I just think if my kid had a passion like that and they went after it, I'd be so frickin' proud. I don't think I'd care what it's about.

• 1:05:43Travis McElroy?

  That's one. Second, there's a lot of people reading fairy sex books you wouldn't think are reading fairy sex books.

• 1:05:51Griffin McElroy?

  That's true. You never know.

• 1:05:52Travis McElroy?

  I've seen people on like CBS This Morning talking about fairy sex books. It's getting, it's getting some traction. It would actually probably at this point be weirder if you said, "I'm writing a demon book." And your mom said, "Lots of fucking, right?" And you said, and you're like, "No, Mom, very chaste." And she's like, "Don't sell for shit."

• 1:06:11Griffin McElroy?

  Is the concern, I'm just now realizing, not that you are worried about your mother's approval or disapproval, but that you just wicked don't want to have this conversation with your mom.

• 1:06:19Speaker 05

  I'm 30. I don't care if she likes it.

• 1:06:23Griffin McElroy?

  Fuck, yeah. Amazing. You specifically don't want to hear about it.

• 1:06:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't want that conversation.

• 1:06:29Griffin McElroy?

  You should just tell her to leave an Amazon review, and then you just know it's out there somewhere. You don't need to know the star rating that was applied to this review. You just know your mom read it.

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  I'll tell her not to read it, but leave five stars.

• 1:06:42Griffin McElroy?

  That's maybe best case.

• 1:06:44Travis McElroy?

  If your mom asks what it's about, just say, "Buy a copy and find out."

• 1:06:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. It gets pretty ribald. Remember as a kid, you taught me all those different ways of describing back muscles? Well, I think you're gonna be very pleased.

• 1:07:00Travis McElroy?

  Does that help?

• 1:07:01Griffin McElroy?

  Have we helped you?

• 1:07:02Speaker 05

  Eh, for sure, yes.

• 1:07:03Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Yvette.

• 1:07:04Travis McElroy?

  Wait, wait, wait, seriously. When your book comes out, will you tell us? Tell us when your book comes out.

• 1:07:09Speaker 05

  I will tell you.

• 1:07:10Travis McElroy?

  Okay, all right, we will do a free ad for your book when it comes out. We will not? You can't promise that? Free ad! You can't promise that? I'll do a free ad. Or at least buy eight copies.

• 1:07:20Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:07:21Travis McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:07:22Griffin McElroy?

  Hi.

• 1:07:23Travis McElroy?

  I'm Baz, he/him pronouns.

• 1:07:24Griffin McElroy?

  Hi Baz, how can we help?

• 1:07:26Travis McElroy?

  My question is, I recently moved into a house with five roommates.

• 1:07:30Griffin McElroy?

  That's a lot!

• 1:07:31Travis McElroy?

  It's a lot of guys. And when we moved in, there was a bunch of bricks in the backyard. And there was a big brick pile, a pile of bricks. This was the same bricks, though, right? Yeah, same. These were not separate bricks in brick pile? No, yeah, all uniform bricks. And a couple of weeks ago, our landlord sends us an email saying, "Hey, guys, I noticed that the bricks were scattered in the backyard. I'd appreciate it if you put the bricks back in the pile. Those bricks are very important to me for construction." And he said... Was the "for construction" that seemed tacked on? Like, maybe...

• 1:08:08Griffin McElroy?

  He was embarrassed that he said that he has important bricks? And then he was like, "Uh, for a normal reason."

• 1:08:12Travis McElroy?

  I mean, I don't know what he does with the bricks.

• 1:08:14Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:08:15Travis McElroy?

  And he said, "Kindly return the bricks to the brick pile." But we didn't scatter the bricks, so... You shouldn't have to return the bricks to the brick pile. Okay, wait, Baz, Baz. Yeah. First, this is the delicious mystery you've brought to us, and we're gonna solve it here tonight. Is your backyard enclosed? No.

• 1:08:34Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, so someone could come in and have a brick party?

• 1:08:39Travis McElroy?

  Which... We're unequipped to answer several questions. Which one are you interested in us attempting? Because I feel like the nature of the bricks is something that looms very large in my mind. Even larger than perhaps the perpetrator of the movement is the use of the bricks. Baz, is there a big, let's say, hole in the wall of the building you live in?

• 1:09:05Travis McElroy?

  He just hasn't gotten to it yet. Well, we were thinking about trying to use...

• 1:09:10Speaker 00

  Use the bricks to make like a pizza oven.

• 1:09:13Griffin McElroy?

  Time out.

• 1:09:14Travis McElroy?

  Okay, now wait.

• 1:09:14Griffin McElroy?

  Time out.

• 1:09:15Travis McElroy?

  Baz, Baz, Baz.

• 1:09:16Griffin McElroy?

  You can't say, "Oh, we didn't do it." But if we had fucking done it?

• 1:09:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Baz. There's you and five other, let's just call them what they are, suspects in the house.

• 1:09:26Speaker 00

  We didn't do it yet.

• 1:09:27Travis McElroy?

  One of y'all. How well do you know these people?

• 1:09:30Griffin McElroy?

  I have to imagine that wholesale brick sellers get orders sometimes for a bunch of bricks. And they're like, "Is this for a brick pizza oven?" And the person on the other line is like, "Yes." And they say, "All right, man." Knowing that it's just gonna be a brick pile for many, many, many months before they get around to turning it into a pizza cooking device.

• 1:09:48Travis McElroy?

  How many bricks is this, if you had to guess?

• 1:09:50Speaker 00

  I would say like, three to 400.

• 1:09:55Travis McElroy?

  And did all of them get scattered, or just some of them?

• 1:09:58Speaker 00

  Just some of them.

• 1:09:59Travis McElroy?

  Is there enough to build yourself a small house?

• 1:10:01Speaker 00

  Well, there's a pile that's kinda like nicely stacked.

• 1:10:04Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:10:04Speaker 00

  Like a nicely stacked pile. And then there's like maybe a couple smaller piles and then a little scattered bit of bricks around.

• 1:10:11Travis McElroy?

  Man, I wish I had a diagram or something. I'm trying to... It's really important. I'm just trying to visualize all these bricks. Are they, and I'm just thinking about why they might be important to this man. Bricks of cocaine?

• 1:10:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we didn't clarify. Hey, did you guys scatter my bricks of cocaine around your yard? Please stack back up my bricks of cocaine.

• 1:10:31Griffin McElroy?

  They're really important to me.

• 1:10:34Travis McElroy?

  I, I just don't understand what could be so important about the bricks, but he trusts a bunch of brick flingers to put it back?

• 1:10:43Griffin McElroy?

  A bunch of people with big dreams of pizza ovens in their eyes.

• 1:10:48Travis McElroy?

  And he trusts you all to put it back the special way he like? Like, I don't understand.

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  He's got his special bricks.

• 1:10:54Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Has this situation resolved itself before you came here tonight? Are the bricks still in shambles and the guilt hanging on your head?

• 1:11:02Speaker 00

  We started, the six of us...

• 1:11:04Speaker 06

  Kind of started doing this thing where we would be like, alright, well, whenever we cross through the backyard, we'll take a couple of bricks.

• 1:11:10Griffin McElroy?

  That's great.

• 1:11:10Speaker 06

  And put it back in the brick pile.

• 1:11:11Griffin McElroy?

  That's awesome. And that's gonna be, you're gonna get so fucking built from doing that, too. Or at least one of your arms will.

• 1:11:18Travis McElroy?

  And can I also just say, the last day you guys are there, last day of release, really fucking great Jenga game.

• 1:11:24Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:25Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:26Griffin McElroy?

  Could you build ten small brick piles and be like, I have blessed your crop? Now you have so many brick piles to enjoy.

• 1:11:34Travis McElroy?

  You could build yourself a little hideout in there so that your landlord couldn't get to you, assuming he's a wolf.

• 1:11:41Griffin McElroy?

  That's true. He'll have some trouble navigating those.

• 1:11:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, he can huff and puff all he wants.

• 1:11:45Griffin McElroy?

  Does that help you, you think that?

• 1:11:47Speaker 06

  Incredibly helpful.

• 1:11:48Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 1:11:48Travis McElroy?

  Ah, good, Ben. Our 100% success rate.

• 1:11:51Griffin McElroy?

  That's what a lot of bricks-

• 1:11:53Travis McElroy?

  And in case you've never seen a pile of bricks, my friend. Huh, so that's what bricks look like.

• 1:11:59Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:12:00Travis McElroy?

  Well, they're concrete blocks, but we'll get them next time. Hi.

• 1:12:04Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:12:05Speaker 05

  Hi, my name is Mari Deishi.

• 1:12:08Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Mari. I'm very excited for this.

• 1:12:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I live on the ground level of an apartment complex.

• 1:12:15Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 1:12:15Speaker 05

  I have windows and a nice glass patio door.

• 1:12:18Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 1:12:18Speaker 05

  I also have a cat who likes those windows.

• 1:12:22Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 1:12:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it gets warm there with the sun and whatnot.

• 1:12:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I have a problem where my neighbors, children off the street that I don't know, like to look in my windows.

• 1:12:34Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 1:12:34Speaker 05

  And my patio door.

• 1:12:36Griffin McElroy?

  To see your-

• 1:12:37Speaker 05

  To see my weird muscular cat.

• 1:12:40Travis McElroy?

  Now, Mari, if I could ask you, Mari, what is the largest you've ever seen this cat projected? On a screen? Have you seen this cat? Have you ever seen this cat? You've seen this cat at regular scale? Like, billboard size. Like, is everybody gonna be okay if they see, let's say, this cat, a very-

• 1:13:01Travis McElroy?

  It's gonna be alright, okay. Yeah. You're all good.

• 1:13:04Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, Paul, let's see a picture of this, uh, built cat.

• 1:13:08Travis McElroy?

  That one's okay.

• 1:13:09Griffin McElroy?

  That one's okay, but like, okay.

• 1:13:11Travis McElroy?

  Hold on, wait, wait, just hold on, hold on, hold on. That was just an amuse-bouche.

• 1:13:14Griffin McElroy?

  Can we see the next, there's one of these images where the vascularity makes me wanna fucking barf.

• 1:13:20Travis McElroy?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:13:20Griffin McElroy?

  Look at that shit. Look at the tone and definition on that fucking cat.

• 1:13:26Travis McElroy?

  That's a cat who's putting in fucking time at the Iron Temple. And it, but it's genetics too, Travis, you can't teach all this. Can you just- No, but it's also, Justin, he knows the pose. Do you see the hold? That's heritage. That's an art form. You can't train it, that's family, that's love.

• 1:13:41Griffin McElroy?

  Can we get a zoom on the front haunch?

• 1:13:43Travis McElroy?

  Let's, well, actually, don't, I don't want to.

• 1:13:45Griffin McElroy?

  Look at that shit, that's crazy!

• 1:13:47Travis McElroy?

  Paul, no, stop, Paul, too close. It looks like Percy Jackson. And I, no, look at the cat's face too. That is a calm confidence, the cat fucking knows! It's like a light, lightning bulb muscles, it's a cat who lifted. Alright. Okay. Amazing though, amazing, look at the spread.

• 1:14:06Griffin McElroy?

  Look at the webbing.

• 1:14:08Travis McElroy?

  This is a perfect feline specimen. The forearms alone, girl. Look at that fucking, Jesus Christ! Hey, uh, author person, are you paying attention to this?

• 1:14:23Travis McElroy?

  Sexy cat people. It's gonna be a thing, I just made it up. Travis, it's the first thing- Her splayed toes began to curl as, okay.

• 1:14:34Travis McElroy?

  Okay. So, listen, this projector couldn't cost more than $20,000. If you set this up outside your home on a loop, people will never bother you again, they can get the goods for free.

• 1:14:45Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, children and passersby will no longer bother you by looking in your windows, you know who else won't bother you? Burglars. Cause you have the world's strongest, scariest fucking cat. Not scary, I would still fucking pal around with this cat.

• 1:14:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it was cool.

• 1:14:58Griffin McElroy?

  What's the cat's name? His name is Obi.

• 1:15:00Travis McElroy?

  Obi's good, yeah. And I'm just saying, this looks like Obi is about to just stand up and start walking around. Like, on two legs, talking to me like, "Oh hey man, I'll get that."

• 1:15:10Griffin McElroy?

  It does actually kind of look like, just with the face, it's sort of holistically, it looks like Obi is responding to a question like, "Oh, you need a picture of my muscles for the podcast tonight?"

• 1:15:22Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, no problem, no problem. Cause this-

• 1:15:23Griffin McElroy?

  "Do you want me to spread my paws out real, real a bit?" Okay, cool, here it comes.

• 1:15:27Travis McElroy?

  I literally took this picture today. Yeah.

• 1:15:30Griffin McElroy?

  Amazing.

• 1:15:31Travis McElroy?

  So what do you, what, what's the problem? People, random strangers and children are looking at their house.

• 1:15:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but like, shouldn't they get to see it too? Not in the house! Well, you can't- You can schedule a time where you walk Obie, assuming Obie doesn't just pick you up and carry you around the neighborhood, and say, "Hey, everybody, from like 10 to 10:30, I'm gonna be out there." And then you can see Obie. But in here, this is Obie off the clock. You should have the, okay. If you don't, you gotta have viewing hours if you don't want this to happen. You do need to have a schedule where people can come by for 90 minutes. We're all thinking 90 minutes. Where they, they could come in and just sort of see the cat.

• 1:16:12Griffin McElroy?

  What do you need 90 minutes to see?

• 1:16:14Travis McElroy?

  Like a 90-minute window every day where people can come in and see the cat. Come in. Come in, Justin. Come in!

• 1:16:21Griffin McElroy?

  I thought you were saying one person got to come in for 90 minutes.

• 1:16:24Travis McElroy?

  Dolly Pardon will let you tour her childhood home, okay? If she will let you do that, certainly. She doesn't still live there, Justin! Certainly. You can let people look at your cat for 90 minutes? That's not one for one, Justin! It's not even that long. She used to live there.

• 1:16:41Griffin McElroy?

  Are we charging tickets for this interactive strong-

• 1:16:44Travis McElroy?

  It's just a window. No, it's free. What? It's not about the money?

• 1:16:49Speaker 05

  In this economy?

• 1:16:50Griffin McElroy?

  In this economy, Juice.

• 1:16:57Travis McElroy?

  I love you also.

• 1:16:57Griffin McElroy?

  You know what I liked the most about Obie? Is Obie's not huge, right? Obie is sinewy. It's a definition thing. You didn't just, it's not just bulk, it's fucking tone. That's so hard to achieve on a cat.

• 1:17:10Travis McElroy?

  A lot of guys in the iron temple that I wail with, they don't know when to stop. They don't have that restraint. My problem is, I just, I just keep wailing and wailing and wailing and getting bigger and bigger and bigger. I just don't have the restraint. And I just keep screaming and screaming.

• 1:17:25Griffin McElroy?

  He's got those Michael Shannon muscles. He's got those J.K. Simmons muscles. There's a secret under that shirt.

• 1:17:31Travis McElroy?

  Have you ever fought your cat? A little. Just fought your cat for a second to see how you'd fare? When you arm off your cat, is there be holding back?

• 1:17:41Speaker 05

  Oh, most definitely.

• 1:17:42Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. I don't, I don't care if we helped. You have the world's strongest cat and that's amazing for you. You're living a wonderful-

• 1:17:48Travis McElroy?

  Not necessarily strongest, just most cut.

• 1:17:50Griffin McElroy?

  Most cut, most toned. But did we help?

• 1:17:52Travis McElroy?

  Did that help?

• 1:17:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:17:54Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, thank you so very much. I believe we have one last person.

• 1:17:57Travis McElroy?

  We have one more?

• 1:17:59Griffin McElroy?

  Hello, hello.

• 1:18:00Travis McElroy?

  Hello, my friend.

• 1:18:01Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 1:18:02Griffin McElroy?

  How's it going?

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  Good.

• 1:18:04Griffin McElroy?

  Good.

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Um, my name is Torin.

• 1:18:06Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Torin.

• 1:18:07Speaker 01

  Um, so, my boyfriend is in school for music right now.

• 1:18:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:13Speaker 01

  Um, and I have heard a lot of people talk about like, uh, like talking to guys and then they'll go over to the guy's house and the guy will just start playing guitar at them.

• 1:18:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:18:25Travis McElroy?

  Serenaded, yeah.

• 1:18:26Speaker 01

  So, my boyfriend doesn't do that, but he does play tuba.

• 1:18:34Speaker 01

  So-

• 1:18:35Travis McElroy?

  Torin, I have to say, this was funny backstage. But now that I've met you and seen how pleasant and soft spoken you are, it's like extra, extra funny.

• 1:18:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's super duper duper funny.

• 1:18:51Travis McElroy?

  The idea that you would be mid-conversation and he's like, "Yeah, absolutely." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You like Mad Hox 20? A lot of people think, think you can't do mraz on a tuba.

• 1:19:04Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think you can.

• 1:19:05Travis McElroy?

  Torin is your boyfriend here? This is very important.

• 1:19:07Speaker 01

  He's not. He lives in Michigan.

• 1:19:09Travis McElroy?

  Awesome. Okay.

• 1:19:12Travis McElroy?

  Has this happened? Have you been tuba serenaded?

• 1:19:15Speaker 01

  I, yes. So that was my question was, what's the appropriate reaction to a personal one-on-one tuba concert?

• 1:19:22Griffin McElroy?

  Hell yeah, hell yeah.

• 1:19:25Griffin McElroy?

  You, are you good at lying?

• 1:19:29Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:19:31Griffin McElroy?

  No? Okay, this is-

• 1:19:34Travis McElroy?

  This is so hard.

• 1:19:36Griffin McElroy?

  This is the hardest question we've ever fielded, maybe.

• 1:19:38Travis McElroy?

  This is so hard, because I've been on the other side of this and tried to play a song for my wife on guitar. And here's how it goes. I have to pretend like I'm just practicing it first. And then there's definitely a point at which I'm no longer just kind of playing around. I'm definitely playing a song for her, but it has to be adjacent. Because if I make this woman start looking at me while I play guitar, I think the main thing you have to do is avoid eye contact at all costs.

• 1:20:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, just pretend like you don't hear the tuba. Yeah.

• 1:20:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:09Travis McElroy?

  And then you're like enjoying it passively, like, you know what I mean? Like, "Oh, that was you playing? I thought that was a record! I thought that was one of your CDs!

• 1:20:21Travis McElroy?

  I thought that was one of your tuba tapes, babe!"

• 1:20:26Travis McElroy?

  You're always trying to get me to listen to your tuba tapes. It doesn't explain why my ears are bleeding.

• 1:20:32Travis McElroy?

  You could do something else, like, you could play "Pilato" on your phone and just kind of nod along like, "Yeah, good."

• 1:20:40Griffin McElroy?

  That, you don't get a lot of candid serenades like this, unfortunately. The ideal scenario is something like the "Get Back Beatles" documentary, when George Harrison's like, "Bong, bong, bong, bong, go." And one of the others is like, "Oh, man, that sounds fucking good. What is that?" You just gotta sit next to them while they're tuberiffing, be like, "Yeah, do that one that's like, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong." Can you play the one that's like, um...

• 1:21:03Travis McElroy?

  Blat, blat, blat. What if you, when they started serenading, you was like, "Wait, play that again." And then you pull out a trombone.

• 1:21:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, what if you lay down a little bit like, "Pff, pffts." Just like a little bit of that tuba.

• 1:21:15Travis McElroy?

  You play the tuba and I'll do some lyrics.

• 1:21:18Griffin McElroy?

  Be like, "Ooh, is that Chopin's "100 Farts"?

• 1:21:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, there's not a lot of songs where the tuba is the hero instrument.

• 1:21:27Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 1:21:28Travis McElroy?

  At least when someone's playing a guitar, you immediately know what the song is that they're playing. Where someone's playing a tuba and you're like, "What's the tuba? What's the tuba song?"

• 1:21:35Griffin McElroy?

  It's hard when they bring their tuba around the campfire and they're like, "Bum, brrap, bum, bum. Today is gonna be the bum, that they're gonna bum."

• 1:21:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, if it hadn't been for Obie's cartoon firefighters, they never would have invented the tuba. That's what it was created for.

• 1:21:54Travis McElroy?

  It could be worse, Torrin. Your boyfriend could be a cymbals player. Yeah. At which when your boyfriend would be like, "Listen to this song."

• 1:22:06Speaker 05

  Well, I, he is, to his credit, he's a very good tuba player.

• 1:22:10Travis McElroy?

  I assume that, Torrin. Let me make it clear. Hold on, hold on. Let's Torrin brag a bit.

• 1:22:14Speaker 05

  I don't know what to say.

• 1:22:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's, say, all you have to compare it to, I'm guessing, is other songs your boyfriend has played for you.

• 1:22:22Speaker 05

  Pretty much.

• 1:22:23Griffin McElroy?

  So you could always hit your boyfriend with like, uh, "That is the third best one you've done so far." "Really very, very, very good. It's better than the other one you did earlier today, which was my least favorite tuba song." Like, don't, like, don't try to boost him up. Like, really give him some good criticism, some good constructive feedback. "That's my second favorite tuba song today."

• 1:22:43Travis McElroy?

  I am pulling deep from my memory of being in middle school band for this comment, but I think this will land. If you say, "You know what? I don't care what anyone says, it's way better than hearing a saxophone." And I think that will land so hard. They need to hear that. Yeah.

• 1:23:02Griffin McElroy?

  Can you say moisten your embouchure?

• 1:23:06Griffin McElroy?

  Say you're not moist enough in your embouchure.

• 1:23:09Travis McElroy?

  Empty your spit valve, babe.

• 1:23:12Travis McElroy?

  That's probably the worst thing about brass instruments that nobody ever talks about. It definitely doesn't happen with drums. Doesn't happen with drums. They don't have a spit valve?

• 1:23:23Speaker 05

  I've, I've seen him empty it out before. It is quite gross.

• 1:23:27Travis McElroy?

  It's like hell on earth. It's impossible. They, they should have uninvented them, right? The first time that they were like, "And this is the spit valve", they should have found a fire and thrown them all in there and be like, "Invented. Forget it. Forget how to do this one." I know we reference this a lot, but if someone can come up with like a framing suit for brass instruments, where somehow it feeds back into the player while they're doing it. That would be amazing. That's a closed loop. You could play forever. Imagine.

• 1:23:55Griffin McElroy?

  I'm grooving on my own piss right now.

• 1:24:00Travis McElroy?

  I love that album. So, when my brother said, "I'm grooving on my own piss," did that-

• 1:24:05Griffin McElroy?

  Did it help you when I said that?

• 1:24:07Travis McElroy?

  Did that help your walk?

• 1:24:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's fucked up, it's true.

• 1:24:09Travis McElroy?

  It's so weird that that helps you, but you're nodding and giving me two thumbs up like, "I love it?" Okay?

• 1:24:16Griffin McElroy?

  Awesome. Thank you so, so much.

• 1:24:21Griffin McElroy?

  And thank you all so, so much. You all have been absolutely incredible. If we could take the house lights down so we can't see you anymore, amazing. We love you, and you've been fantastic. But, hi, hello.

• 1:24:33Travis McElroy?

  I just want to say, this has been an amazing way to end the 20 Fungalore Tour. You guys have been an amazing audience.

• 1:24:38Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, for sure.

• 1:24:39Travis McElroy?

  Thank you so much.

• 1:24:39Griffin McElroy?

  It's been a wild, bad week, and y'all made it fun tonight.

• 1:24:43Travis McElroy?

  We have been here so many times to Milwaukee, and it has never not felt like-

• 1:24:48Griffin McElroy?

  It rips ass every fucking time.

• 1:24:49Travis McElroy?

  It's an oasis, man. It feels so, so nice. I love it here. We have ended a lot of, like, tour weekends in Milwaukee where it's been like the third night of a tour, and every time, like, you start the show, and like, "Oh," and then you come out and do it, and you're like, "You guys are giving so much."

• 1:25:03Griffin McElroy?

  I know, it sounds like bullshit, but it's- we love Milwaukee. Yeah, it's the last tour, it's the last show of the tour, so we can be honest about all the other cities.

• 1:25:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:12Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you all so much. Thank you to the Pabs for having us. This place fucking rules. Thank you to Paul, and Amanda, and Rachel, and Sidney Dean, who designed our incredible poster for us.

• 1:25:23Travis McElroy?

  If you want one, make sure you buy one, okay? You won't be able to get one again.

• 1:25:27Griffin McElroy?

  It's one of my favorites. It's so good. Thank you to Paul, and Rachel, and Amanda for helping us put on this show.

• 1:25:33Travis McElroy?

  Thank you to your dad, Clint McElroy. Clint McElroy!

• 1:25:39Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you to Montane for the use for a theme song, "My Life Is Better With You." It is a certified club banger.

• 1:25:46Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, do you want to read the wish?

• 1:25:48Griffin McElroy?

  The final Fungloror wish of the live season.

• 1:25:51Travis McElroy?

  Let's get a nice sound. This is our last sound bath. We're gonna make it real big. You ready? Ready?

• 1:25:56Griffin McElroy?

  Hard chef, hard chef, hard chef, hard chef, hard chef, hard chef, hard chef. "I wish my friends would all become lactose intolerant, so I'm not alone."

• 1:26:10Travis McElroy?

  My name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 1:26:12Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 1:26:14Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother, and me kiss your dad square on the left.

• 1:26:20Speaker 01

  It's better with you. My life, ah. It's better, it's better with you. My life, ah. It's better, it's better with you. Cause it's true. It's better, it's better with you. My life, ah. It's better with you.

• 1:26:50Speaker 04

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