Stop Forcing Your Friends to Drink

Join Alex for a cozy solo episode where she reveals she bought her parents a house in LA! Alex reflects on what losing her childhood home means to her and how she has approached working on some of her complicated family dynamics over the years. She then answers a few questions of the week and goes deep on how to handle friends who constantly pressure you to drink and how to know when it’s a healthy amount of doubt or when you’re just in the wrong relationship. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by American Eagle. Holiday outfits just got way easier. American Eagle's new arrivals are basically everything you need right now. Super soft sweaters, lightweight layers, comfy lounge styles, heritage faves, and low-rise jeans that are very much back in the rotation. Whether you're heading to a holiday thing or just hanging with your people, there's something for every plan. Just don't wait too long. Your new faves won't be around forever. You can check it all out at AE.com or just go to the store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Pandora Jewelry. Make their holiday unforgettable with a gift that says it all from Pandora Jewelry.

• 0:43Alex Cooper?

  I feel like the best gifts are always the ones that feel really personal, right? Like, anyone can buy you something nice, but when someone gives you a gift that is actually meaningful, you appreciate it so much more. And that's what I do love about Pandora. They have so many pieces that you can really just make your own, from festive charms to personalized engravings and jewelry that can represent the people and the moments that mean the most to you. So whether you're shopping for your partner or your mom, your best friend, you can find something that really is specific to them. Maybe it's a charm that makes you think of the trip that you guys took together once, or maybe it's an engraving for your anniversary, or just a piece that feels like them the second you see it.

• 1:28Alex Cooper?

  Pandora makes it so easy to give a gift that feels thoughtful and personal and makes every holiday moment even more meaningful and special. Because at the end of the day, the best gifts aren't just about the piece itself, but it's the intention and the story behind them. Say more this holiday season with Pandora. Shop now at pandora.net or visit your closest Pandora store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Stouffer's. Let me tell you something. When I am hungry and I am trying to figure out what to eat, sometimes you can just actually become so, you're angry. You're like, I am busy, I'm hungry, I'm getting hangry, I'm getting angry. What can I eat? I need something hot and delicious and low maintenance.

• 2:10Alex Cooper?

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• 2:55Alex Cooper?

  You want your home to feel cozy and you want it to feel like you. And thanks to features like stain resistant performance fabric, even the messiest memories will be easy to clean. So, visit your local store or head to ashley.com to find your style.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  What is up Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 3:23Alex Cooper?

  Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas. Daddy Gang, Merry Christmas. From my family to yours, I can only imagine what you guys are doing this morning. Maybe you are curled up by the fire, doing a séance because your boyfriend fucked you over and you now have to spend the entire Christmas season alone with your family. And your entire family is literally annoying the fucking shit out of you. And you're miserable and this is the one thing that's going to get you through today? Hi, hello, I see you, I love you. Maybe you're enjoying the holidays, maybe you are a holiday goer and everything about you leads up to this one moment of the year and you Fucking love Christmas or Christmica, whichever you, you know, my husband is Jewish.

• 4:07Alex Cooper?

  I'm Catholic. We celebrate both in this family. Okay. We are inclusive here. Regardless, Merry Christmas. I'm so happy to bring you a new episode of Call Her Daddy today. I'm going to tell you guys what is going to be going on in my life right now during Christmas, because we have some big changes going on in the Cooper Kaplan household. So, so far, every Christmas with Matt, we've kind of spent it in different locations. One time, we spent it in London together. We've spent it in California together. We've spent it in Utah together skiing with my family and so on. But this year, we are shaking things up. And I suggested we go back to good old Pennsylvania.

• 4:50Alex Cooper?

  Now, I wasn't just being a martyr, you know, and saying, let's go back to Newtown, Pennsylvania, just for the thrill of it, when we have gorgeous California at our fingertips. I was really saying, let's go back to Pennsylvania, because I can't believe I'm saying this, and it probably means nothing to all of you, but it's a huge deal to me. My parents are officially selling my childhood home.

• 5:32Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. If your money is scattered across five different apps you never open, you're not in control. Your money should move you forward. With SoFi, you get award-winning banking, investing, borrowing, and more all in one app. So you finally know where your money is. Make your first move with SoFi Checking and Savings. Competitive APY, no account fees, a bonus when you join with eligible direct deposit. Terms apply. SoFi Bank, N A Member FDIC. When you're ready to invest or pay off that debt, everything you need is right there. As a SoFi member, you get access to SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners to help you know. Know what to do next. Get started today at sofi.com/callherdaddy.

• 6:17Alex Cooper?

  SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. Daddy gang, did you know the average person has to send out 51 resumes just to try to land a job? It is insane and it's a lot of work, but honestly, I believe that, right? I remember when I got my first job out of college, I literally spent months applying and applying and applying and then applying. And the worst part is you can spend all this time finding the right role, fixing your resume, writing the application, and then you might not even hear back, right? And it is so frustrating because you're like, okay, I know I would be so great for this job,

• 7:00Alex Cooper?

  but how do I actually get them to even notice me? That is where ZipRecruiter comes in, my friends, okay? ZipRecruiter matches you up with the right job in minutes and their new feature even lets your application be seen first by employers. You can try it out by going to ziprecruiter.com/daddy. It is such a game changer, guys. When you apply for a job, you can be seen first. Just tell the employer why you're interested in the role and your application jumps to the top of their list. No matter where you are in your career journey, make your application be seen first only on ZipRecruiter. Try it out now by going to this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com/daddy.

• 7:44Alex Cooper?

  Again, that's ziprecruiter.com/daddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by T-Mobile. Daddy gang, there are honestly so many reasons to just choose T-Mobile. They've got T-Mobile Tuesdays perks, tons of freebies, travel benefits like hotel and rental car savings. They make your phone plan feel like it's actually giving you something back instead of just being another bill that you have to pay every single month. And if you're a student, T-Mobile has student perks plans designed specifically for you. I remember being in college and constantly literally just looking for ways to save money understandably. And so These are the kind of perks I would have absolutely taken advantage of.

• 8:26Alex Cooper?

  Students can get things like a $5 movie ticket every month, exclusive access to concerts, okay? And even streaming benefits, so you can always have a reality TV binge night with your girls. And when you're already paying for your phone every month, getting all of these extra benefits on top of it, just, it makes sense, right? For all the reasons to choose T-Mobile, find yours at tmobile.com/membership. Qualifying plan required, visit tmobile.com. My parents are officially selling my childhood home. And if any of you still have your parents that live in the home that you were born in and grew up in,

• 9:09Alex Cooper?

  you know the sentimental value that that thing holds, right? Like, when I look back at my childhood home, my parents have had it my entire life. So for 30 years, it's all I've known. Every time I visit my parents, it's at that location, right? And I have had so many memories there. I grew up with my two siblings there. My parents, my grandmother lived with us at one point. I lived on a cul-de-sag. I had the Bowers and the Volpees next to me. All the kids would be in the fucking cul-de-sag playing Capture the Flag, okay? And it started, you know, as Capture the Flag. And then it started to like, you know, start fingering each other and experimenting. And you get felt up in the bushes in the back of the, uh, of the woods. Like, the woods was where we tried our first alcohol.

• 9:53Alex Cooper?

  I remember my first sip of vodka was out of a Pringles can in the woods in Pennsylvania behind my house. And my house had these woods behind it, so everyone would always kind of congregate directly behind my house. And I did some of the most fucked up brilliant shit back there. It's really who I am to the core. Alex Cooper, that lives in LA right now, she would be nothing without Philly bitch Alex Cooper, okay? So, it's sad. And I figured, since they're selling it, this would be our last Christmas, to all come together and do one last big hurrah in Pennsylvania together. So, Matt and I are bringing the dogs.

• 10:33Alex Cooper?

  Me, Matt, Henry and Bruce are going to, first, we're starting our Christmas in New York City.

• 10:42Alex Cooper?

  And we decided, because my sister lives in New York City, we decided, let's do a little New York, part one of Christmas, because let's be real, there's not much to do in Pennsylvania. Like, as much as it's emotionally incredible to go back, you need a good 48 hours and then you can bounce out, because there's not much to look around at, except for the grass and the dead trees. So, we're going to go to some plays in New York. Um, we are kind of at that point in my family where we don't really give each other gifts anymore, but we did decide to just make it fun, so people have something to open on Christmas. We're gonna do a Pollyanna for my family, and so everyone had to pick someone that they're

• 11:20Alex Cooper?

  gonna get. We're keeping the gifts under a hundred to $200, and everyone is going to try to go all out for someone, and everyone's got someone. Um, by this time, I can say it, I have my sister. I have no fucking idea, wait, do I have my sister or my mom? Wait, no, because I know Matt has, no, Matt has, no, Matt has my sister, I have my mom. Because every single person in my family was like, I hope Matt gets me, because Matt gives the best gifts. My mom was like, Matt, maybe figure out how you can get my name. Because she's like, I want a Jenny Kane cashmere sweater for Matt Kaplan under the mistletoe, okay? Sorry, Mom, I have you this year. So, we all are gonna do Pollyanna, and we're gonna hang out in the city, we're gonna go see some plays, we're gonna go eat, we're

• 12:04Alex Cooper?

  gonna drink, we're gonna go see the tree at Rockefeller Center, and we're just gonna have a time in New York City. There is nothing better than New York City during Christmas time. It is like the most magical place in the world. If you've never gone, I mean, it is like something to put on the books if you can ever make it happen. Of course, it's crowded, of course, people are stressed and cold, but that's what makes it even better. The shoving, getting punched in the face, Merry Christmas, after you get slapped silly, like, it is just so New York to a T. So, we're doing all of that, and then, on Christmas Eve, we are fleeing the city, and we are going back to Newtown, Pennsylvania. And Matt

• 12:45Alex Cooper?

  and I have already put in our food request. My dad is the chef in our family, and he makes the most incredible rack of lambs with this, like, mustard gravy sauce. So, we have requested, Brian, hit the kitchen, Lori, hit the booze, and my siblings and I, and Matt, and everyone, will just be cozied up while my dad cooks for us. There is a chance that we go to church. I'm not a religious person at this point in my life. Like, I believe there's, there's a God up there. I'm not atheist, but like, I wouldn't say I'm as religious as I used to be. But I pray to my God above, but I felt like because it's Jesus's birthday, maybe we should go and hit up the church and go.

• 13:30Alex Cooper?

  And like, one last time again, like St. Andrew Church was my church growing up. And so I think I'm gonna force Matt to come to church with me. But then, um, on Christmas Day, we'll open our Pollyanna and we will sing our carols. And my mom will try to make pancakes and she'll burn down the house. My mother, every, so here's the thing, I take after my mom. Like, my mom can barely use a microwave. And although she's very good with the microwave, like, that's where it starts and stops in our household. My mom does not cook. And every single year, for some fucking reason, my mother thinks in order to be like the Suzie homemaker that she wants it to be,

• 14:08Alex Cooper?

  she tries to cook on Christmas morning. It is so insane. One year she made this egg casserole and all of us were shitting and throwing up our pants because we got food poisoning from her egg casserole. And I was like, Mom, we're blowing out all the bathrooms. You need to put an end to this now. Hand me a chocolate chip cookie from the fucking grocery store and call it a day, bitch. And she's like, I'm trying. So we're gonna try to make sure she doesn't cook this year. Um, but we'll just like, watch movies, give out our Pollyanna. And then my, you know how you guys have like, those cousins that aren't really your cousins, but they're like, not even related to you, but you call them your cousins because they're like, the closest things to you? We have a family in Pennsylvania that I grew up with that are basically my cousins.

• 14:50Alex Cooper?

  It's my mom and her best friend, growing up, had the same kids at the same time and were all the same ages. And so they're gonna come over and we're gonna have a one big, final hurrah send off of the Coopers, the last Christmas in Pennsylvania. It's making me kind of emotional because when I sit here and think about going back to that house for the last time, I literally told my family, like, don't be alarmed if you see me every fucking minute with my iPhone, filming every crevice of this fucking house, because I wanna remember it all. And it makes me emotional because like, specifically that basement in my house was where...

• 15:33Alex Cooper?

  All of this started for me like I would not be sitting here with my podcast and my career had I not done everything I did in that basement and like if you're new here like I just was obsessed with creating and making music videos and movies and skits and plays and short stories and I filmed everything in that basement and the hours of footage that I have, I probably have the same amount of hours of footage I from that time in my life, if not more than I have of me sitting on a Call Her Daddy set. How crazy is that to think about? Like I probably have more hours of footage of me as a kid making movies. I still have to catch up. That's why I'm still doing

• 16:13Alex Cooper?

  this, you guys. I can't retire. I've got to outlive my younger self. I was harder working back then, but it's just crazy to think like that time in my life was, it just was everything and I loved so many incredible memories from my childhood that live in that house. And so I'm going to try to soak it up as much as I can. Now, here's the kicker. Why are my parents selling my childhood home? Right? Why are we moving? Where are we moving? And by we, I'm not living with my parents, but you know what I'm saying. It's a we thing. Okay. The Coopers stick together. My parents are officially moving to Los Angeles, California, and I bought them a house. I think

• 16:58Alex Cooper?

  that, oh my God, it, I mean, it makes me emotional. Think about it because when I started Call Her Daddy, I had a somewhat of a vision of what I hoped this would turn into, but to be able to go to my parents this past summer and with Matt and be like, I want to buy you guys a house and I want to do this for you and I'm so excited to be able to do this for you and I want nothing in return. I just want your happiness and I want you guys to enjoy it and thrive and maybe babysit sometimes if I have kids. Okay. I'm holding you to it, but it's such a cool feeling and it was such an emotional moment when I told my parents that I was going to buy them this house. We all cried and.

• 17:44Alex Cooper?

  It just meant so much because I would not be where I am today without my parents. Like, my parents sacrificed so much for me to get to where I am, all the way back to my soccer days, right? Like, the goal was for me to get a scholarship to go play in college, but like, my mom and dad sacrificed every single fucking day, hauling me to different counties and getting on flights and taking me to soccer tournaments and taking me to private training sessions and taking me everywhere I wanted to go. And then after soccer was done, I asked my parents, "Oh, my God, can I go film a movie?" And my mom would bring me to the community college and I would want to go up on the stage and I would want to use it as a backdrop for my perfect set that no one was gonna see, but mom, it matters, come on, mom."

• 18:27Alex Cooper?

  And my mom would be there and she would be on work calls, in her minivan, watching me, probably cursing like, "Jesus Christ, my daughter's fucking insane." But it all led me to be able to do what I love for a living and I literally wouldn't be here without them. So, buying them a house is like, the least I could fucking do because they sacrificed financially, emotionally, they sacrificed with my other siblings in moments for me. And so, it feels really, really, really fucking insane and incredible that I get to do this. Um, so, they will be moving at some point in the new year. Um, Matt's renovating the entire home. I literally walked in, we found this house, you guys, and it is such a New England house to its core.

• 19:11Alex Cooper?

  Like, my parents are from the East Coast, we love the New England style, and I remember walking into this home and seeing it for the first time and being like, "This is my mother." Like, I got chills thinking about it and I wish my grandmother could have been here to see it. Love, like, me getting her the house and her, like, "Oh, my God." My mom saw it for the first time, it was the first house they went and saw in Los Angeles and they were like, "This is the one." And I, and I secretly put a bid on the house and I didn't tell them. And my mom went around with my dad and they saw a bunch of other homes and they were like, "Oh, we just can't stop thinking about that first one." And I had put a bid on without even telling them and when we got the house, I called them and I said, "Okay, so, um, like, how are you guys feeling? I know you guys really liked this new one."

• 19:54Alex Cooper?

  And they're like, "We really liked this, this last one, but that first house we saw when we walked in, there was something in, like, the feeling I got." Like- That's the house. And at the time, someone was higher bidding than us and they dropped out. And I said, well, that's so interesting. You still are obsessed with that house, mom, because I have some good news. And she's like, Alex, Alex, I do this to my parents all the time. Like, I'll surprise them with random things. I'm like, no, no, you didn't. I said, we got the house. And we all started crying and sobbing. And it was such an emotional moment. And so now Matt's redoing the entire fucking house. He's like, we need to make it perfect for them to move in. And that's why I love him so much. Matt is like, he

• 20:34Alex Cooper?

  is such an acts of service kind of guy. Matt will go above and beyond for everyone in his life, and then some. And it doesn't mean you even have to be family. Like, family is a loose term for Matt. You can be the guy that he's, Matt takes care of his hairdresser. Matt's gonna take care of his dry cleaner. Matt's gonna take care of everyone and then some. And so Matt is just like, I'm gonna make this the most beautiful, great place for them, so that it's safe. Like, he wants to make sure everything is good, and the bones are good and everything. So, that is the next chapter of my life. Now, am I mentally insane that I got my parents a house that's about like, 10 to 15 minutes away from me? You know? We did think about, should we put them a highway driveway? We were like,

• 21:19Alex Cooper?

  should we have to at least like, get on a ramp to get to them and get off? But what's funny is Matt is currently having to do that with his grandmother, who on Christmas Day, turns 101 years old. That bitch is still kicking. She is the most with it. Shout out, grandmommy. Happy birthday. I love you. But she's 101 years old at this point, and we have to get on the highway. And it is kind of like a bitch for Matt's mom, just in terms of like, oh, I wish she lived closer. So I did take that into consideration of like, you know what? I won't give them my, the code to my home. So there's some boundaries. Like, Lori and Brian, you can't just show up unannounced. But I can show up unannounced to your house, because I'm still your fucking kid. And, um, no, so they live like, 15-ish

• 22:04Alex Cooper?

  minutes away from us, 10, 15, depending on traffic. And it just feels right. Like, I'm not getting ahead of myself. I'm not like, fucking pregnant. But, you know, I would like kids in the future. And we did, it, it did kind of help knowing like, wow, the house is really close to where there is a school we would want maybe our kids to go to. Grandma and grandpa can get be in their little minivan beep beep kids picking you up from school. Also, it's not lost on me that Matthew travels a lot for his movies. And my father is going to be getting many a visits from his youngest daughter saying, pops, make me some fucking food. My dad is the best fucking cook that I know and I am obsessed with his food.

• 22:49Alex Cooper?

  So now the last thing I have to do is try to convince my sister to move from New York City. And I got the whole fucking gang now because my brother now lives here. So overall, I feel really, really blessed and it's a, I'm just so, I just feel like I'm at like a happy point in my life where

• 23:07Alex Cooper?

  I've worked really, really hard on my relationships with everyone in my family. And Matt and I were having this conversation the other day and we were just like, it's so crazy with our jobs and work and life and friends and all this. And it's like, as long as you're good with the people that you love, like that's all that fucking matters. And I feel like my friendships right now are in such a good place. I feel really fortunate and my family is. And so, I mean, by the time it comes Jan first, I could be like, oh, we had a fucking blowout fight in, in Newtown. Everyone's fucked. The whole family is, has a riff in it, but I'm gonna just hold this moment where I'm at right now where things feel good. And so I hope for you daddy gang, if you can take anything from this of like, I will share with you.

• 23:49Alex Cooper?

  My mom and I have had such an incredible relationship throughout my life, but we have had so many ups and downs because we are so fucking similar. And you know, when you're similar to someone, it can cause a lot of angst within a dynamic. And before I bought my parents this house, it took so much fucking work for us to just work through some shit that we had not worked through. And it took therapy sessions. It took very long conversations. Like I'm not sitting here being like, I have the perfect family and I'm so proud. Like I'm proud of my family, but my family has a lot of shit.

• 24:29Alex Cooper?

  And the fact, I think why I'm so proud of this chapter is like, in order to get to the place of getting them this house. We all knew we needed to be on a better page with each other for them to even move to California. And so there's been a lot of conversations, a lot of hard conversations, tears, crying, like, you guys know how it is, like, when you become an adult, you have to like rewire the way that you have a relationship with your parents. And it's so fucking confusing and it's such a mindfuck in moments where you feel like you're the adult, or they're still the adult, and you want them to grow up with you because you're like, no, now treat me like an adult. I'm an adult too, and you're an adult, so let's all be adults in the room, but they look at you as a kid, like,

• 25:11Alex Cooper?

  there's so many fucking crazy dynamics that go into that moment where you recognize, well, my parents and I need to basically recalibrate our relationship. And I can imagine so many of you are going through that right now, like, I, trust me, and my mom and I can joke about it now, but like, we've had Christmases where I was like, I'm gonna kill you. And she's like, I'm gonna kill you too, Alex. And that's life. But why I think I'm able to sit here and smile and be like, Merry fucking Christmas is, I really put in a lot of fucking work in therapy. And shout out to my therapist, I hope you have a nice fucking Christmas and Hanukkah because you deserve it, bitch. You put in the work with me this year.

• 25:51Alex Cooper?

  And it got me to a place where I can feel really, really excited for the future. And it doesn't mean the work has stopped. A lot of my relationship with my family members, I mean, my sister and I just had like such a breakthrough conversation recently, because my sister and I always go through things, my brother and I go, everyone goes through things. My dad's perfect, no. But, um, we all have these like really interesting dynamics that we're constantly working through. And if I can say anything that you're bringing into the new year daddy gang is it's like, start now. Start having the conversations. If you have that gut feeling where you're like, why the fuck can I not get past this with this person? Have you talked to them about it? Have you sat them down in an environment where you're coming from a loving place and you're not being attacking? And you're actually like, how do we fucking fix this? I love you.

• 26:36Alex Cooper?

  Like, what the fuck are we doing? That's my advice for the new year. Like, try to get closer with the people that you love, because we don't have that much fucking time. And so, yeah. Um, so, Merry Christmas. Um, I'm gonna answer some questions. And I'm gonna give you guys just a little you time, because we've had enough me time.

• 27:13Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Every year, my family takes a big trip together around the holidays. And right now, we're in the middle of planning it. So naturally, our family group chat has become everyone sending different homes that they found on Airbnb. And they're like, what about this one? What about this one? Because my family has a lot of opinions about what we need. Obviously, the house has to be big enough to fit all of us, especially now with the baby. My mom wants a huge kitchen because she is already planning out Christmas dinner. My sister wants to be close enough to town so she can walk around and she can explore all the different shops. And personally, I always love to have a really good hot tub.

• 27:58Alex Cooper?

  I feel like once November hits, everyone's either just like booking holiday travel or trying to coordinate where they're going to end up. And even though it's so fun, it can kind of be a lot. And that is why Airbnb has become my family's favorite way to travel. Everyone has different needs around the holidays, but Airbnb makes it easy to book a spot that kind of just checks all of your boxes. Having one place where everyone can hang and cook and slow down, it just makes the trip that much more special. So before the holiday rush really kicks in, find a place where everyone can actually gather, relax, and make memories together with Airbnb. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money.

• 28:38Alex Cooper?

  If your money is scattered across five different apps you never open, you're not in control. Your money should move you forward. With SoFi, you get award-winning banking, investing, borrowing, and more all-in-one app, so you finally know where your money is. Make your first move with SoFi Checking and Savings. Competitive APY, no account fees, a bonus when you join with eligible direct deposit. Terms apply. SoFi Bank, N A Member FDIC. When you're ready to invest or pay off that debt, everything you need is right there. As a SoFi member, you get access to SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners to help you know what to do next. Get started today at sofi.com/callherdaddy. SoFi, get your money right.

• 29:21Alex Cooper?

  This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. Okay Daddy Gang, I'm back. If you are listening to this in audio, you're like, "You didn't go anywhere, Alex." "Oh, I did bitch. I'm a sneaky little bitch." If you're watching this, you can tell I changed clothes. It's because I had to quickly run to a meeting. You know, duty calls, duty calls. And so I just got back and now I'm back with you. So I figured today, in the spirit of spending a little fun time with your father, I should give back to the community and answer some questions because bitches, we've got a lot to talk about. Okay, first question from a Daddy Gang member.

• 30:04Alex Cooper?

  "Hey Alex, I'm a sophomore in college and all of my friends like to go out, but I'm not a big drinker. I feel like I'm also getting judged for not drinking. How do I still have a good time without drinking?" Oh my gosh, I mean, this is like, I think this spans beyond college. I think the advice I'm going to give, and again, I'm not like a savant with this situation, like I do socially drink, but if I put myself in your situation, I do think this can be applicable to anyone, not just people in college. However, I do recognize that in college, you are definitely drinking maybe more in saturated environments and also in a way that is more socially grouped up in and like, it's not so much like a dinner or drinks with

• 30:48Alex Cooper?

  a friend. It's like everyone is looking at everyone and everyone is aware of what everyone's doing in college and everyone is in everyone's business. So everyone knows who drinks and who doesn't drink. So I'm sorry that, first of all, you feel uncomfortable or you feel like you're being judged because you should never, ever, ever, ever feel judged for doing something that you don't want to do. If you don't want to drink, you should not drink. And I know, again, it's easier said than done because peer pressure is a real fucking thing. I feel like when you hear peer pressure, you think like middle school and high school. No, this shit goes through fucking adulthood. I'm sure this affects moms, this affects like relationships, like it's all

• 31:29Alex Cooper?

  over. So I'm sorry that you're handling that. Number two, you should never feel judged.

• 31:36Alex Cooper?

  Or insecure about something that you don't want to do, especially when it involves putting something in your body that is not healthy. So if people are doing drugs and they look at you and they're like, oh, like she's not down or it's a drink and they're like, why the fuck isn't she drinking? I think the people that are so consumed with if other people are drinking or not are really fucking weird. Like, I cannot relate to being like, why the fuck aren't you drinking tonight? Like, why does my intoxication level at all impact you? Now, for sure, I can see if there's someone that's like, you're so judgy when you're sober and you're judging all of us. Yeah, but I feel like that's like rare. And if they are, then like, don't be friends with someone that's like fucking judging your decisions.

• 32:21Alex Cooper?

  But if you're just someone there that's trying to have a good time and everyone is fucking nagging on you or there are specific people that are nagging on you. This is my advice. And I don't know if this is like playing into it, but there are just some social things that you can easily do that like I'm not. This isn't groundbreaking information, but number one, I think no matter what, you can always have a drink in your hand. So that immediately will just like block people from asking if they can get you a drink. Cause sometimes we can give people the benefit of the doubt. Like, I bet a lot of times someone is literally just coming up to you to be like, can I get you a drink? Because they're trying to be either the hostess with the mostess, or they're just trying to be a good friend. Or like socially, that's an in.

• 33:00Alex Cooper?

  Like a lot of times I think when it comes to flirting socially, a huge opportunity is going up to a woman and offering to buy her a drink. Right? Like, that's like a social norm thing. It's like, bitch, buy me a drink. That's all I did in college was like, which one of these motherfuckers is gonna buy me a drink? And then I'm gonna leave and I'm gonna ditch in five seconds. Also recognize that if people are offering you a drink, maybe some of it could be in your head that you're feeling judged. Which again is totally normal because I think in college, so much of the culture is the drinking culture. But I think holding a anything, whether it's a solo cup or whether you're at a bar and you have a soda water with a lime. Like, that can immediately mitigate the damage of like when someone's

• 33:46Alex Cooper?

  Trying to slide in through using drinking as an opportunity to connect with you. Then we have the other side where it's not meant to be connecting with you and it's literally just some bitch that is being judgmental and rude towards you and is trying to for some reason get you to engage in something that you don't want to do. But I do think there's always room for the in-person in a sober state conversation. If this is someone in your friend group that's constantly up your ass about drinking. You could ask them to just chat for a second and you can, again, depending on how nefarious it is or not, you can say, listen, I love you and you're such a good friend of mine, but I have been really struggling socially

• 34:28Alex Cooper?

  because I don't want to drink and I'm having the best time and I think it makes it really hard for me to have a good time though. When you consistently are making me feel like I'm like sticking out like a sore thumb for not drinking or I'm like the odd man out like I don't personally like to drink and I'm not judging anyone in the room. Like check yourself too, though, because again, this is so broad, the question. So I, I would need to know more of the details, but check yourself, like, are you being a little judgy to your friends that are drinking and are, you know what I mean? And if you're not amazing, but we know some of those people and it's again, this is fucking life. If you're not indulging in something, then you're gonna, there's a reason you don't do it, right? So you have your thoughts about it.

• 35:13Alex Cooper?

  To each their fucking own. I think something I've just like accepted more in life recently is like, I don't care what anyone else is doing unless it is directly affecting me. Like if you are getting fucking hammered and you are doing your thing, great, like I'm not going to judge you. Obviously if it's a close friend and you're seeing them deteriorating and they're making really bad decisions in life. Sure, you gotta pick your moment to maybe check in on them. But if it doesn't affect you, why the fuck do you care if someone's not drinking tonight? Like shut the fuck up. And daddy gang, I love you and I think this is something that we can also work on is if you are the person that is, it may not be from a mean spirited place. Maybe you are just the girl that's trying to rally all your friends and get them in the mood and

• 35:59Alex Cooper?

  you're telling them to drink or whatever and they don't want to like, why, why are we like making people feel like they need to drink? No one, no one ever woke up from a night of drinking and was like, I was the best version of myself last night. And even if you felt that way, I promise you, anyone sober was like, this bitch is so fucking annoying. Like, I don't know, drinking is something that I think about a lot and Matt and I talk about it a lot. And I love to socially drink and I love a good glass of wine or a whiskey or a tequila or martini or fucking anything. But I will say it was interesting. So when I was on tour, I did not drink on tour, really. Like, there were very few moments where I was drinking.

• 36:41Alex Cooper?

  And I would have like a couple sips of my White Claw like onstage, but I went onstage completely sober. And every single night after a show, and there were people backstage in the green room or at the after-party, I was not drinking. And I'm sure even on social media, maybe it looked like I did not drink until the last night I had a drink. And even I remember like when Wiz Khalifa was there in Oakland, everyone was like smoking with him and everyone was drinking and they were having a good time and I didn't, I didn't drink. And I think what happened, which was odd for me, because I wouldn't say I'm a party girl, I definitely used to be, but like,

• 37:23Alex Cooper?

  I have had so many nights where I'm fucking hammered, don't get me wrong. But there was this weird thing that happened on tour, and I'm not saying I'm never gonna get obliterated again, because trust me, like, I love a good night where I'm like having fun. But something happened on tour where because I was one of the only people that was sober the entire time, I was around so many people post-show that were drinking. And I'm not gonna lie, I was so like, I wasn't judging anyone. I was actually more judging myself where I was like, wait, like when you're sober and you're around drunk people, you're like, I never want to drink again in my life because you all sound like fucking clowns.

• 38:06Alex Cooper?

  Or the worst is when like you're watching someone and you feel so bad because you're like, oh my God, you're fully embarrassing yourself right now and I know sober you would never do this. And you actually like feel bad for someone, but I just, I don't know. After tour, I just kind of had this moment where I was like, I don't know if I'm going to. Drink to the level that I maybe have in the past in moments. And again, if I'm at a holiday party and I'm having a good time, like I'll have the second martini. You know what I mean? But drinking is a whole concept that I recognize is very complicated because there are people that are watching this that may have a problem with alcohol and are sober because of that.

• 38:49Alex Cooper?

  There may be people that are sober, not because they have a problem, but someone in their family had a problem. And so they're just like adverse to alcohol in general. There may be people that currently have alcohol problems that are watching Call or Daddy. And then there may be people that are just socially drinking and love a good cocktail and they don't have any plans of changing. It's all over. I just think being less judgmental of anyone on that spectrum is my biggest advice. And when someone is peer pressuring you to do something that you don't want to do, I think it's a fun, casual, lighthearted, like, ah, girl, don't worry about me. I'm good. But if they keep pressing, then it's a fucking boundary issue and it's a respect thing.

• 39:32Alex Cooper?

  And I could see myself probably pulling someone at some point if they kept being the aggressor in the dynamic of like, bitch, what do you have on me that like, why are you so obsessed with what I'm doing? Like, do you want to know what I ate for fucking breakfast too? Cause you want to know, you want me to put shit in my body at night? Like, should we, are you, are you that invested in what I'm fucking doing? Cause I don't even give a fuck. I don't even know what you're drinking. Are you drinking? I don't know, you know? So yes, I'm sorry though, and sorry, that was a long winded thing, but drinking culture is complicated. But I apologize on behalf of the annoying fucking drunk community. If you're feeling pressured, you shouldn't feel pressured. I love you. I'm sorry.

• 40:31Alex Cooper?

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• 41:16Alex Cooper?

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• 42:02Alex Cooper?

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• 42:46Alex Cooper?

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• 43:27Alex Cooper?

  Okay, next question. Hi Daddy, I love you. Okay, now that it's out of the way, I'm writing in to ask a question about my relationship. I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost two years now, and I love him so much. I'm 23 and he's 25. He's honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I really do think he's the one. But sometimes I sit back and think about, is this really it? Is this who I'm meant to be with forever? There's nothing wrong with our relationship. We argue now and then, but never anything huge. I guess the best way to explain it is that sometimes I get scared of the commitment, but I wanted to ask if that is something normal. Should I be worried and think more about my relationship? Should I just hope this feeling goes away and everything will work out? Anyways, love you so much.

• 44:10Alex Cooper?

  Okay, I first want to validate you and say, it is so fucking normal when you are getting, in my opinion, when you're getting to a place in your relationship that it feels like, okay, this is more than dating, like I could see my life with this person. I think it's so normal. And if anything, I would be concerned if you weren't like... Is this the right situation? Like, is this forever? Is this gonna be it? I did that with Matt. I did that with Matt multiple times of just like, whoa, like if this, is this gonna be the person I spend my, the rest of my life with? I think there is a natural positive amount of that feeling that you should have because it means that you're taking it really seriously. It is a big decision.

• 44:54Alex Cooper?

  In my opinion, choosing your life partner, whether it's marriage or someone you're just be with forever and you don't need like marriage as a title. That is a huge, huge decision. And I think building a life with someone is a huge decision and it shouldn't be taken lightly. And I think that when you are pausing and reflecting and nothing is really happening, it could be, like you said, because you live together, you're kind of on this track. You're like, okay, is this it? Yes, that's normal. I do also though have to say, because I've talked about this on the show before, and I think that it, it's kind of up to you to discern the difference of like, is it a normal amount of like, whoa, this is kind of crazy. I've gotten to the point where I found my life partner.

• 45:36Alex Cooper?

  Or is it going that further step where you're like, I don't, I don't know. I just don't know. I would say if you're finding yourself doubting more than you're happy, that's your answer. And sometimes it's not as black and white for someone, right? Like sometimes you have this weird gut thing where it's like, is this really it? And I think there are so many complex reasons as to why you could be doubting, right? Maybe you come from a family of divorce and you are so, you do not want to repeat the pattern and you're like, I really don't want to get divorced. So maybe you're overthinking your commitment and the relationship because you don't want things to go south ever. And so you're being hard on yourself and you're holding yourself

• 46:18Alex Cooper?

  and your relationship to a standard that is just not normal. Or that is just not realistic. But I think if you go into a marriage and you're like, I've never had a doubt in my mind. I would like to say, I don't think that's humanly possible because we're human beings and we have experienced life and we know what we want and what we don't want and meshing worlds together is never seamless and perfect because no one is exactly going to be every single fucking possible thing that you could need. But if you were someone that just was like, I've never had any doubts, amazing. I would say to make the person writing in feel more seen and better,

• 47:02Alex Cooper?

  it is, I think, more normal to doubt and to wonder and to question. Again, a normal amount. If you're literally like fucking posted up every night and you're like, god damn it, like, I just don't know and I don't know and you're just chronically freaking the fuck out, I think you have your answer always when you're constantly doubting because there's just something in your gut that is telling you, babe, this isn't right. What my advice would be to someone that is in a position that's just trying to like suss out, is this my person? Is this going to be forever? Am I making the right partner life decision? Here is my advice. You live together, right? So that's step number one. If you don't live with someone that you're considering spending the

• 47:44Alex Cooper?

  rest of your life with, my first step would be live together. Cause when you live with someone, girl, you will, you will, you will see things that you either are like, I love this person even more. You will see things that you're like, I don't love it, but I love them so much that I'm fine. I'll get over that. Or you will see things where you're like, how fast could I break the lease? Like, how fast could I get away from this person? Step number one is live together and see, do you like cohabitating with this person? Do you like being in a relationship where you are sharing space together and where you're building a life together rather than, oh, I go over to his place every couple of days, but then I really have my alone time, right? And then I also think

• 48:29Alex Cooper?

  you should start to talk about what do you want in life? And I think this is something that I think as you get a little older, the conversation just, people have less time to bullshit. So again, like when you're looking for marriage and kids and a life or no kids, whatever it is that you want. I think that dates start to get a little bit more to the point. But I do think for you, I think you need to start actualizing conversations that will give you a more clear answer. If this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. For example, have you talked about where you want to live? Where you want to settle down? Have you talked about financials? Like, do you know how much this person makes? Do you know how, they know how much you make? Do you know what their career goals are?

• 49:13Alex Cooper?

  Do you guys know, like, do you want kids? Maybe you do and he doesn't, or vice versa. Maybe you don't and he does, or maybe you both are like, yes, we want kids. Like, you need to start talking about essentially like the core tenants of a relationship that will just go past. Like, we're dating, everything's fun, our friend groups like each other. Like, that's great, but that's also can be falling into the category of like a fun fling or like even friendship, right? What is it in your personal dynamic for your romantic relationship that's going to get you to the next level? It's talking about and being very clear about the things that you want in life. And I've dated guys before where I was in love.

• 49:54Alex Cooper?

  And I remember like there was a conversation I had with an ex and I was like very in love with him. But we just did not align on a lot of the later in life things. Like, the immediate was great and it was fun and it was sexy. But when it came down to, I talked with him about children. I talked with him about even like fucking religion and shit and politics. And it was off. I know for some people it works. For me personally, I couldn't do that because people always ask me like, you know, what has changed since you got married? And at first I was like, I don't know, nothing.

• 50:39Alex Cooper?

  And then I will say, and it's cliche, but it's right, is

• 50:45Alex Cooper?

  That what has changed is I can feel so heavily now that Matt and I in a beautiful way have become one in the sense of we are both still individuals. We both still are good on our own, but every single day we are not operating as just selfishly individuals. We're working towards our relationship and what we're building in a family. And I don't think you need a piece of paper to feel that. It's when you know you're committing to someone for the rest of your life. I think there is a switch that shifts of wow, we're in this

• 51:27Alex Cooper?

  and we are choosing to be in this and how beautiful that we're choosing to be in this forever. And every single decision that we each make directly impacts the other person. And so there is an accountability, I think, that like raises when you're in a marriage that maybe I didn't feel as much when you're in the dating phase, or you haven't like claimed, you know, that this is your person for life because understandably like dating, you're just not, you're not, you haven't decided you're committed. And once you are committed, I think there's a beautiful solidness that you feel. It's like hard to explain. There's this solid foundation you now feel that you're both building on the same fucking

• 52:11Alex Cooper?

  foundation and you're both so invested in each other and that is your fucking person and they're going to get you through anything and you're going to get them through anything. But you are, again, the important part is still individuals working in a unit. I don't know if that fucking makes sense, but I don't know. I had been really vocal prior to getting married about how my independence was really important to me and I'm a very independent person. Like I, I, and I think I was nervous. Like can I be in a situation with someone where I genuinely feel like I'm sometimes can't be selfish and I can't, you know, be selfish Alex, single Alex or individual Alex. And the answer is if you're in a healthy

• 52:54Alex Cooper?

  relationship, you don't need to sacrifice any of it because when you are not

• 53:01Alex Cooper?

  Being as individualized thinking in moments, it still feels like it is because you know your partner wants the same and the best for you and you want the best for them. So it's kind of like you're just less alone in this life. Like you can still maintain that autonomy over your decisions. Like Matt is many times is always like, what do you think? Like you tell me, like it's your choice and I know you'll make the right choice for us. And I do the same to him. And of course we make a lot of decisions together, but there is this safety and security of like, this person is in it till the end with me and we're doing this together. And so when you're making that life choice, I just urge you daddy gang, like to think

• 53:43Alex Cooper?

  about it from the standpoint of, do you feel like the person that you're dating is someone that you can look at in 20 years and be like, they respect me and they see me and they know me and they love me and all of my flaws and all of my issues. And if anything, half of my flaws, they think are attractive and they love and they want the best for me and they're always going to be there.

• 54:11Alex Cooper?

  I know that's deep, but like I have friends that have kids and, and they're like, fuck, he's nowhere to be found. And I guess I kind of saw it cause like he was always kind of, like I was kind of always the one that was picking up the this and the that. And like, again, I'm just using kids as an example because it's like the easiest example, but there is the immediate excitement of life. And then there is the realistic side of life, right? And it's the planning and it's the accepting that it's not always going to be sexy and hot and fun and wild. And sometimes it's going to be really fucking hard. And who do you want to go through the worst times in life with? It's easy to have a good fucking time with someone.

• 54:55Alex Cooper?

  Like it is easy, but when you are struggling, when you are financially stressed, when you are health stressed, when you are as a woman going through it hormonally or medically, like, do you have a partner? And if I'm just speaking because I'm in a hetero relationship, like if you're in a hetero relationship, like does your partner respect women?

• 55:17Alex Cooper?

  Does he look at you and genuinely vouch for you and respect you and speak about women in a way that you feel like, well, because if he doesn't respect women, then he doesn't respect you. How the fuck is he gonna, you know what I mean? Like, I think the, and again, everyone has a different barometer. I think I have maybe a heightened.

• 55:37Alex Cooper?

  Sometimes I, I don't know. I think everyone has a different barometer of what's important to them, but you need to do. I guess my question, sorry, I'm like, this is our whole fucking episode, but I didn't know this was gonna go in this direction, but I do think it's an important conversation, Daddy Gang of like, do you know what you want? And I think

• 55:57Alex Cooper?

  as women, sometimes we can stress understandably about time and pressures and all of it. And so sometimes we can make concessions for things that we actually don't feel good about and we don't really feel comfortable about and we don't really like. And I just want the best for all of you. I feel like with this podcast, I've found such comfort in knowing that I can sit here every week and have conversations with people that sit across from me and like exploring conversations that maybe in the day to day, we don't really pause to think about.

• 56:37Alex Cooper?

  Like, we literally are waking the fuck up, we're going to work, we're getting home, we're fucking exhausted, we're like, I'm not going to the fucking gym, or maybe you're going and you're like, I don't want to do this. And then you're fucking eating and you're trying to then zone out from work and you're watching TV and then you're going to bed and you're repeating and then we're like, oh, it's the fucking weekend and we're going out and we're drinking and we're having fun. And it's like, I'm not saying to fucking meditate, okay? But it is rare, I feel like, that we pause and actually be like, am I happy?

• 57:10Alex Cooper?

  Do I like where I am? Am I happy with my friendships and my work life and my romantic situation and my friend situation? Like, and if I am happy, like, what's next? And no one really tells us to do this, but I feel like, and I could do it more. Like, I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm just saying, I think when it comes to these romantic life decisions, a lot of the question marks can be answered in actually just pausing for a minute and thinking about, what do you want? And what is currently fulfilling you in your romantic relationship and what's not? And if you are stressed and if you are staying because something is,

• 57:53Alex Cooper?

  I've spent so much time and it's been five years. What am I going to do? Start over? Like, yes. Yes, because you're going to start over now, babe. I don't want at 70 you to be like, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, every minute is so fucking precious and every fucking year is so precious. And we don't actually fucking know how long we have. So to stay because you've invested time in it is genuinely the worst fucking reason to stay. And I know the process of unraveling, I always talk about this, is so complex. But the process of unraveling is 10 times fucking faster than staying.

• 58:38Alex Cooper?

  And you're decades and decades and decades and decades into something. You guys all know a family friend or your own parents that are in something that they're not happy with. We all know someone, if you close your fucking eyes and you think about an unhappy couple or a couple that fights or a couple that, or is cheating. Like, we all know one. Sadly, we probably know more than of that than the happy couples. So. I remember reading an article, I think it was in the New York Times, I don't know. I think it was like many years ago it came out and it was like a single person is one step away from finding their happiness in their partner.

• 59:16Alex Cooper?

  A person in an unhealthy marriage or relationship is three steps away from being in a healthy, happy situation because you first have to end the relationship, then you have to be single for a fucking minute, try to recalibrate why you, what was in that relationship that was so unhealthy or unhappy for you, and then you need to get good solid on your own, and then you need to start dating again. Where a single person, it's like bitch, you're working on yourself, you're working on yourself, and immediately, the more you work on yourself, you will know immediately, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, this person can keep up, this person is in line with what I want. But if you're not working on yourself because you're grabbing on and holding on for dear

• 59:57Alex Cooper?

  life to like an unhealthy dynamic, and when I say unhealthy, like the most common, a lot also, is not just toxic, like they look fine on the outside, these relationships, and a lot of you I better listening being like, nothing's technically wrong, but babe, if you're constantly doing that, like, well, nothing's really wrong, but you, you know in your gut. My overall point is if you don't know what you want, how are you gonna fucking find it? You saying, all the way back to this fucking question, you saying that you've been with your boyfriend for two years, you're 23, he's 25, it feels right, you love him, there's nothing wrong, you fight the normal amount that a couple will fight, but you're just

• 1:00:37Alex Cooper?

  wondering, you should fucking wonder if this is the right person, and you should seriously invest a good amount of time to feel it out and to think about it and to talk with other people in your life. Like, when I was like really getting to the point where I was like, Matt is the one, I remember, I had a lot of conversations with my friends, I had conversations with my siblings, I had conversations with my parents, and not like interrogative, like sit downs, it was more just like, if my parents were in LA, we'd go to a dinner with Matt and I, and then one night I'd make sure to go to dinner alone with them, and I would just talk about my relationship, and I wasn't Offensive and I would open it up and just be like, what do you guys think? And they would ask me questions and I would answer and my mom would say,

• 1:01:21Alex Cooper?

  "You seem so fucking happy and he is incredible and I, you guys are amazing together and if you're happy, we're happy." But there have been relationships where my parents did not say that. And so I had an open communication with them and I know some people don't have that relationship with their parents and that's fucking fine. You need one fucking friend that you know is gonna shoot you straight and is gonna be like, babe, "You're losing yourself." I think I just answered, did I answer two questions? But we went on a little bit of like a, we went on a journey together, okay? Candyland, we started it out small and then we got big and we went all in these different angles. But these are some of my favorite episodes because I know we're all different. But like, I feel like the best part of what I love doing with this show, especially when I do solos is like,

• 1:02:07Alex Cooper?

  "I'm just a girl figuring it out too. I just got married. I found Matt. I've been in really tumultuous relationships. I've been someone that has been extremely unconfident. I've had self-esteem issues. I've had moments where I feel so good and confident and my mental health is good. I've had moments of anxiety. I've had highs, I've had lows." Like, we're all experiencing a similar version of emotions when it comes to, "What the fuck am I doing with my life and am I making the right decision?" And I think these type of episodes, it's nice to kind of just talk it through, even though you guys can't respond. You can respond in the comments. Let me know if you guys like these episodes. But I think it's healthy to kind of just like walk through because again, maybe this episode will be the trigger for you to be listening in the car on your way to work.

• 1:02:53Alex Cooper?

  Or you're listening and having a wine night with your girlfriend. Or you're alone and you're just playing this while you're cleaning your house or you're at the gym. Hopefully this episode will elicit some form of a thought provoking.

• 1:03:11Alex Cooper?

  Something thought provoking for you that maybe sparked something of like, okay, I actually haven't thought about that, or maybe I haven't been thinking too much about that aspect of my life, or wait, yeah, I guess I don't really ever pause to really check in with myself of like, how am I feeling about where my fucking life is at? Regardless, I always just want these episodes to help in any capacity, promote some form of communication, whether it's with yourself or your loved ones. And yeah, so Daddy Gang, I love you guys. I love doing solos. You know, I had questions planned and I have so many more, but I do think the time is up. So I will leave you with that. And Daddy Gang, I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.

• 1:04:09Alex Cooper?

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