388 Ryan Blair: Rock Bottom Moments to Rock Star Opportunities

"Once you get momentum, it does all the work for you." - Ryan Blair If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/388 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 388 with number one New York Times bestselling author, Ryan Blair. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  Welcome, everyone. Welcome. We just had an incredible experience this last weekend. The Summit of Greatness went off and it was magical. So many amazing people from all over the world showed up. And one of our keynote speakers was Ryan Blair. And wow, did he rock the house. We had to bring him on again to talk about his new book. He's got a book called Rock Bottom to Rock Star. And I'm very excited for you guys to connect with him and learn about how he overcame so much adversity to building a multi-hundred-million-dollar business and becoming a number one New York Times bestseller. He's done so many great things.

• 1:16Lewis Howes?

  And for those that don't know who he is, he is a New York Times bestselling author, self-made multimillionaire, and serial entrepreneur who established his first company when he was 21 years old and has since created and actively invested in multiple startups. He has founded and sold numerous businesses for hundreds of millions of dollars, runs global healthy lifestyle company, Vaisalas, and is a venture capitalist. He's also the author of the number one New York Times bestselling book, Nothing to Lose, Everything to Gain: How I Went From Gang Member to Multimillionaire Entrepreneur. It was also made into an award-winning documentary, and he's appeared on CNBC, MSNBC, Bloomberg, CNN, Fox, every other news site you can think of.

• 2:00Lewis Howes?

  And again, his new book is called Rock Bottom to Rock Star: Lessons From the Business School of Hard Knocks. And some of the things we cover today are what are the skills that make a great CEO in order to manage a team of two or 2,000? And Ryan talks about the skills of scaling as a CEO. Also, what's the biggest challenge about being a leader of a big organization today? Again, thousands of sales reps, thousands of employees.

• 2:29Lewis Howes?

  Millions of people around the world buying your products. What's the challenge of being a leader in a big organization today? Why Ryan says that you should never, ever believe your own hype? Why women can be better leaders than men? And what you need to learn about that? How to get out of a dark hole when you're experiencing emotional pain? And so much more. I love this one, guys. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Make sure to check out the full show notes and video interview at lewishouse.com/388. Ryan Blair is the man and is a good friend of mine. So make sure to share this out with your friends. Tweet it. Give Ryan some love. Leave a comment on the blog or the YouTube channel and let me know what you guys think.

• 3:14Lewis Howes?

  And without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only Ryan Blair.

• 3:23Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness Podcast. We have the legend, Ryan Blair in the house, man. Good to see you, brother.

• 3:29Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 3:29Lewis Howes?

  Man, super pumped for this.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:31Lewis Howes?

  You had a book that came out a number of years ago called, Nothing to Lose, Everything the Game, number one New York Times bestseller. Been a big hit. A lot of entrepreneurs have read this book over the years and said, you've inspired them to launch businesses. You've got a new book out that's out right now called Rock Bottom to Rock Star. Make sure you guys go and pick this up right now. Everything this guy does is really inspiring, really powerful stuff. So make sure to go grab this right now.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  Did you notice on the back?

• 3:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  There's a couple of names on the back.

• 4:00Lewis Howes?

  There's a couple of names on the back.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  The first, the first name there?

• 4:04Lewis Howes?

  You're not gonna be able to see this, but the back of it, you're gonna have to go by it so you can see that the back of it has my testimonial on here.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Well, you inspired me. You inspired me, man. Like when we, in our hikes and the first podcast we did and all the times we spent together on the cruise ship at Summit. I mean, you know, we've, we've crossed paths a number of times for a number of-

• 4:22Lewis Howes?

  We've bonded many times.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's cool.

• 4:24Lewis Howes?

  For those that don't follow me on Snapchat or Instagram stories, me and Ryan go on like every month or two, we go on a hike. And we learn a lot and we connect. I feel like you're one of my biggest mentors from how much you share and how much you open up and talk about, you know, your struggles, your opportunities. You have a company called Vaisalas. This is one of the products. It's a neon energy drink, but you sold this company originally for almost $800 million, correct?

• 4:47Speaker 02

  I sold Vaisalas for- Well, I mean, just to take a step back, I bought the company in 2005. So I've always been a bit of a venture capitalist. I got beat up by my venture capitalist pretty bad on the sale of Sky Pipeline when I was 24. I sold the company for round numbers for like 25 million bucks. And the venture capitalist got 24 million of it, so to speak. So then I started Vaisalas because I saw two great entrepreneurs and they had a great doctor and a scientist behind it. I invested in them and I sold the company in 2008. And in 2008, right, I sold it right before the recession hit. And I structured a deal where I had a five-year earnout. In 2008, we were doing 500,000 a year in EBITDA, which is profit, for those people don't know.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  And by the end of the earnout, I was doing 97 million in EBITDA per year. So the price tag on the end of the sale was 792.4 million.

• 5:39Lewis Howes?

  Amazing. And so, and then you sold it and then you bought it back?

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. So I sold it, sales dropped, you know, it wasn't the company that bought its fault, but it wasn't the same. And, you know, we had to grow up, myself and my co-founders, and made a lot of cash. And, you know, we were living a life like a rock star. And in my book, I talk about some of the mistakes I'd made being a rock star. Like you don't need to buy a jet if someone else has one.

• 6:04Lewis Howes?

  Right. You bought a jet, huh?

• 6:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I bought a Challenger 300, which is a great jet. But unfortunately, one of my partners is in Miami, the other one lives somewhere in New York, and I live in LA. And so when I wanted the jet, he had it. And so, you know, next time around, we'll just use a NetJets or something like that.

• 6:19Lewis Howes?

  Gas money is expensive, picking a friend up.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  4,700 a flight hour. That was my total cost on it, so.

• 6:25Lewis Howes?

  Wow, crazy. Okay. So what do you say is the, one of the biggest mistakes you had? Or lessons you learned, I should say, in that period of buying it and selling it?

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, you know, the momentum is an interesting thing. So when you start a company, you have this dream like that all of a sudden it starts, just sales start happening in your sleep. And you don't know when it's going to hit and a lot of people call it a tipping point. I get the chills just thinking about this. I remember when I was like, it's a tipping point. It's happening.

• 6:54Lewis Howes?

  Like this money coming in automatically.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was like, but no one else saw the grounds like underneath the, it's like a tidal wave, right? Like I saw the inertia happening, but the water still looks the same. And then all of a sudden the tipping point hits and it just breaks your barriers and walls and crashes things.

• 7:09Lewis Howes?

  What was that like? What was the, what was happening or what was coming in during the tipping point?

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Well, I, so I'd read Malcolm Gladwell's book. We all have, a lot of us, right? I've always dreamed about it and all of a sudden I'm like, I'm having one. It's happening. And you, and you know it before. So I, as a CEO and I'm a data guy, you know, I started my career as a software engineer. So I'm looking at analytics and data and, and so I'm seeing data that's like, this is, this is momentum. And the thing that I learned is, um, once you get momentum, it does all the work for you. And so unfortunately, the biggest mistake that I made, it's like, I, I quit. It's a, I love basketball. It's like, once you real, like, once I realized I could jump really high and I could play really good, then I just started showing up. You know, I didn't practice much. I didn't prepare. I didn't discipline myself because momentum did all the work. I remember in

• 7:58Speaker 02

  July 2012, I sold out American Airlines Arena in Miami during the heat in their first run to the championship. And I sold more tickets to, to that arena than the Heat sold to their, you know, championship series.

• 8:13Lewis Howes?

  For an event?

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, for an event. It was my birthday and I walked on stage and the whole place broke out in a happy birthday song to me. Right? I didn't have to do anything. I just showed up. Right? Now that I bought the company back, I gotta work, right? Like, I don't got momentum right now. So I gotta start it all over again. And next time I get it, I'm going to make a lot smarter decisions.

• 8:33Lewis Howes?

  Wow, man. Some fun facts about you is you identify yourself as socially awkward. Is that true?

• 8:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, who told you that?

• 8:42Lewis Howes?

  Found it somewhere online.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm a Cancer and you know, I don't know much about this, but there's half of me that's completely introverted and there's another half of me that's completely extroverted. And the duality between the two is a bit of a conflict. But if you were to invite me to a dinner party, as you have, I would ask you every detail about everything, like who's gonna be there, what's the cuisine, what's the, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, to convince myself to go. Now, I have been working on just going.

• 9:09Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Cause I know it's a good thing, but yeah, I'm socially awkward.

• 9:14Lewis Howes?

  What is your, what are the greatest skills that you have that make you a great CEO? This awkward skill obviously is working for you.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  I, you know, truth is, I don't think I'm a great CEO. I really don't. I know some great CEOs and I've learned from some very great CEOs. My team around me makes me look on occasion like a great CEO. And I've figured out what my weaknesses are and I've got a team that knows that and they know what my strengths are. And so they put me in the game where I'm strongest and I defer to them where I'm weak and they forgive me. Like on the bottom of my strength list is consistency and communication and empathy, right? You know, and so things that are pretty important when you have a company with a lot of people. And so they'll be like, Ryan, that doesn't sound very empathetic. And I'll be like, cause I have empathy in me.

• 10:02Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  But it just isn't one of my strengths, right? So then I go, okay, let me reset. Let me reset and I'm not gonna tell this person, you know.

• 10:10Lewis Howes?

  To go screw off or whatever.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, I have the ability to be a bit like, like what's his name? Bobby Axelrod in the movie, TV show Billions.

• 10:18Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  I try to check that. Like I don't want those types of problems, right?

• 10:21Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure. That's good. So they forgive you a lot then, huh?

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Ah, they forgive me. Every day I get forgiven for something from someone and most importantly, I get forgiven for the man upstairs every day for not doing my best.

• 10:33Lewis Howes?

  What do you forgive yourself for?

• 10:34Speaker 02

  Ah, that's a good question.

• 10:36Lewis Howes?

  Or what have you not forgiven yourself for?

• 10:37Speaker 02

  That's even better. What have I not forgiven myself for?

• 10:44Speaker 02

  You know, I've let my ego get the best of me a lot, and I'm still working on that, trying to understand it. And, you know, I've let my competitive spirit get the best of me a lot, where like, you know, I'll, out of this innate desire to compete, I'll compete with people I shouldn't, or I'll compete, yeah, so I think that there's probably a few weaknesses that I'm still working through, or perhaps, perhaps I was insecure and I shouldn't have been, I should have, I should have been more secure about that stuff. Like, for example, if, you know, if I'm doing too much of the talking at a dinner table, it's not because I want everybody to hear me talk, it's because I'm trying to seek approval or something like that. And so I'm trying to figure out that balance between, you know, between my success and people knowing it, and people not knowing it, you know, because now, now I walk in a

• 11:29Speaker 02

  room and a lot of people know it, but I don't, my blind spot is, I don't know that they know it, so I just want to share everything, and they're like, dude, I know all about you, quit sharing it. So it's weird. The other night I was with my friend Terrence Jenkins, and I was at his house, and he had a bunch of these celebrities over, and I go meet somebody who's a famous rap star, and I'm like, oh, nice to meet you, blah, blah, yeah, yeah, I wrote a book. He's like, I know exactly who you are, man, quit talking, you don't have to tell me, like, let's talk about art, let's talk about other stuff. And I was like, huh, I guess people do know who I am. So it was a weird thing. And he knew who I was because of my friendship with Terrence.

• 12:00Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right, yeah, interesting. Why do you think, you know, I go through experiences like that, but why do you think we have that, or we go through those experiences as human beings? I'm sure people relate to that.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, well, where I came from, you know, I never dreamed in a million years that somebody had asked for my signature on a piece of paper and that mattered. But like, I'm, I'm a man of the people, right? So I don't see myself as some, you know, rich person, or some wealthy person, or famous person, or whatever I am, or New York Times bestselling author. Like, they did it all for me. It's them, not me. It's them buying my book and taking action on it that, that has put me in this position. And so I try to, I refuse to adopt the personality or the ego that this is me doing this. This is all, every, this is somebody else. And when it is me, I just give the credit to the man upstairs, because he gave that to me, and I'm very spiritual on the subject. So that's my, that's how I keep my ego in check, is like, I'm a vessel. That is all I am. I'm

• 12:56Speaker 02

  a messenger. So.

• 12:59Lewis Howes?

  Another, uh, I don't know if this is a

• 13:00Speaker 02

  I'm nervous.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Louis knows me better than a lot of people. He probably, in preparation for this, made some telephone calls.

• 13:09Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Here's another, uh, I don't know if it's a fun fact, but it's another interesting moment is that your mom was on life support for two years after a major skull injury. But then she had a recovery, correct?

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. I write about that a lot.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  It was a very dark period for me. And what's interesting is during that, that was the darkest period of my life. And I learned a tactic called compartmentalization. And so

• 13:36Lewis Howes?

  I don't have that.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:37Lewis Howes?

  It's hard for me to really

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:39Lewis Howes?

  not have the emotions from something bleed into others in my life.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  I've seen a lot of other entrepreneurs do it. And I've seen marriages, like for example, if a marriage fails, I've seen the business fail too. And like, and that's the worst thing that could happen for your kids, right? Like, the business has got to survive to pay the bills. Like, you know what I mean? And you can't, you can't, can't let, it's, it's a tough thing to do. It's only good to do when you're at war with something. You know what I mean? It's not good to live in a, in a compartmentalization mindset forever. It's a coping strategy psychologically. But you get into a point where it's almost like a zone where you're able to, you know, open up a compartment, do what you need to do, close a compartment, open up another one, do what you need to do, close it. And then you get intolerant of anybody wasting any of your time.

• 14:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Right? And it comes to a point where you're like, look, my mom's on life support right now.

• 14:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  And you want to tell me you stubbed your toe?

• 14:30Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Like, you know, you don't make a lot of friends in that, in that moment. But I remember when my mom was in a coma, one time I, you know, I blow off steam. I went out to a club and went to go have some drinks and the waitress knew me and she goes, have you been crying? And people didn't know what I was going through. And I was like, wow, man, like, yeah, I have been crying. I just left, saw my mom, I could cry right now talking about it.

• 14:55Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. But that was a tough, it was a tough, tough experience. And it's still tough now. It's funny, you know, she's, she's in bad shape. I don't know how much time I have left with her, but I know that I get a little bit of time every day when she can be awake to take the call. Uh, I have to find the window because she's only got a life, she's only got the ability to recall and remember for say an hour or two a day. So I gotta, I have her nursed, you know, she's on, I, we, my family has to pay about fifteen hundred dollars a day to keep her alive. But she's happy, like, you know, she's happy. She watches a lot of Netflix.

• 15:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  She got to catch up on two years worth of movies and TV shows and everything she missed.

• 15:32Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, so, but she's severely handicapped. Uh, but it's weird, your perspective, like a lot of people would be like pity me, my mom severely handicapped. I'm like, I'm just happy my mom's alive, right? So it's weird how life can give you kind of different perspectives.

• 15:46Lewis Howes?

  I've got a similar experience. My father was in a car accident eleven years ago. To, next week would be eleven years and he's around, he's, can have a conversation with him, but he's not fully emotionally. He's not my mentor anymore, like the father that, that I knew for, for many, for twenty-two years and for, you know, it's, it's a challenge as well because when I call, he forgets a lot of things. He always asks the same questions. So it's like, but in some ways I feel like it's made me so much more driven to leave a bigger legacy.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:16Lewis Howes?

  And to support him how I can and to thank him by living a, a great life and doing my best. Do you feel like?

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, so it's what, but my, one of my philosophies is it's not what kills you, doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Cause a lot of things that don't kill you, that don't make you stronger.

• 16:28Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  But what weakens you can strengthen you, right? So like that, that must feel like a weakening moment when you're on your phone with your, your, your father.

• 16:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  And you might, you know, I'm sure you probably hang up that call and have to do some reflection.

• 16:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  As I do when I'm with my mother. And then all of a sudden you get some strength from that weakness, like that feeling of, man, like I'm gonna prove, I'm gonna prove him, I'm gonna prove to him or not to him, I'm gonna make him proud is probably what you say.

• 16:52Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Right?

• 16:53Lewis Howes?

  He made it, he's not even aware of it.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:55Lewis Howes?

  He's not aware really what I'm doing that much. I mean, he kinda gets it, but he's not really aware, but I'm like, doesn't matter whether he's here or not here, I'm gonna.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  His spirit's getting it.

• 17:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, he's getting it, he's getting it for sure.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:05Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like you're, you know, and what about your father?

• 17:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:08Lewis Howes?

  Is your father in your life or?

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, that's a tough one. Um, I've forgiven him, uh, a hundred percent. I, I lost, he disappeared at thirteen. Um, he was a very violent man to my mother. Uh, he was, he was, um, he was heavily affected by the Vietnam War and he was a veteran. And he let that get the best of him. And that's why I have such an open heart toward veterans and military families. Because I understand firsthand what that can do and how traumatic that is. Now, that's an excuse, in my opinion, right? He didn't seek the help that he should have sought. And I mean, and there's help out there and you gotta seek it. And he didn't. And it destroyed his life. Now he lives, uh, I, I, he recently started, I'll tell you a funny story. I was in, um, I was in Israel and I was playing basketball. I saw your whole journey, yeah.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  I'm playing basketball and I sever my patella tendon. For those of you don't know what this is. I'm not laughing, but I shouldn't be laughing, but it was funny. Yeah. This is funny because we couldn't hike for like five months because of it. No, I'm finally walking again, working out again, hiking. Uh, I feel great now, but, uh, I couldn't walk. Yeah. And, um, and all of a sudden I see on my Facebook feed, like somebody says, I'm really worried about you. Are you okay? And it's my dad. I hadn't heard from him in a long time. I was like, huh, that's ironic. Like, I would have loved them to say, I'm worried about you at 14, at 15, at 16, at 17, at 18. Sure, yeah. When you were in a gang, when you were in a juvie. When I went to juvie, yeah. When my mom was in a coma, would have loved a little shout out then. Right.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  And I've forgiven him and, and obviously I appreciated that, you know, he's come to terms that he wants to be a father to me. And so, uh, I've yet to set the reunion. I plan to, um, but I'm a little bit, you know, I don't know exactly how to do it, um, yet. But we talked about it. He's willing to, I'm willing to, but I want to make sure I set the right environment. So that way, I don't have anything to get off my chest with him. Cause I put it all in my books. Yeah, he, he knows exactly how I feel because he's seen it on TV. He read about it in People Magazine. I mean, you know, I feel a little bad that the guy gets beat up so much, but you know, he made some bad decisions and it made me a stronger man. There you go. And I'm, and I also, I'm going to take a stand right now for all those fathers out there

• 19:18Speaker 02

  that are taking action on behalf of their children, no matter what. Right? Even if they're going through a tough divorce or that, you know, their, their counterpart, you know, it didn't work out. Or they have a lot of resistance or conflict or, or tension in the relationship. You know, it's really easy when that happens for a father to disengage from their son. And you, that's when you can't, that's when you gotta, you gotta double down engagement. Why, why do fathers disengage in so much in that area? I think it's, I mean, I can't imagine like, uh, Uh, you know, I have a son Reagan, seven years old and me and his mother didn't work out and a lot of times we, we have conflict and it's not easy and we try not to get him involved, but like there is no way, you know, I guess one of the things is, is I look at

• 20:00Speaker 02

  it and I say, I'm playing for that boy's opinion of me when he's 25 or 30, right? He's seven now. I want him at 25 or 30 to know the dad that he had at seven, right? But he might not know it now, right?

• 20:13Lewis Howes?

  He may not appreciate it. He may not care.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  He may be influenced to believe that, you know, certain things are not, uh, real or whatever the case is. And, um, and then also inversely, and it's funny, I started reading him a bedtime story the other night and I grabbed the book, The Monk That Sold His Ferrari.

• 20:29Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh. I haven't read it, but I've seen it.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, I have a Ferrari and my son started getting attached to it.

• 20:34Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Yeah. And he's like, Dad, will you take me to school in the Ferrari? And at first, you know, I'm proud of myself. I want to do it. And then, then I heard him bragging that he had a Ferrari to his friends. And I had to let him know, no, you don't have a Ferrari.

• 20:46Lewis Howes?

  You don't have a Ferrari.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  I got a Ferrari.

• 20:47Lewis Howes?

  You got squat.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. And, you know, I earned that and it was a way for me to reward myself, right? Because I'd, I'd achieved something. And so I'm, I'm figuring out a way to detach him from materialism, even though I do have my own, you know, own love of toys and things like that.

• 21:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. How do you do that as a father? I mean, you've obviously sold a company for almost 800 million. You're doing extremely well right now. You live at the top of Hollywood Hills. You have an amazing house, white beach sand up by your house with a nice pool, hot tub, cars.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. So one thing is.

• 21:16Lewis Howes?

  How do you?

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. One thing is.

• 21:17Lewis Howes?

  Do you instill those skills into someone?

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Well, one, uh, I, I use a lesson plan. Like I, I'm a teacher. That's all I am. That's why I love writing books is I believe that I, I should be teaching in a school somewhere. Uh, and I can't wait for, uh, you know, the president to call me and let's make that happen because I have a lot to teach. I teach entrepreneurship. I teach you vice alice. I teach every single day. So I love teaching him. Um, so how do you do it? You try to, one of my friends, his name's Alex Von Furstenberg. He, uh, is the son of Diane Von Furstenberg and the stepfather, stepson of Barry Diller. He's on the board of IAC. He told me, talk about the value of things, not the cost. Right, not that, you know, not the price, right? So, talk about the value.

• 21:57Lewis Howes?

  So, give me an example.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  Uh, for example, the Ferrari. Why is that valuable to me? Right, uh, you know, not that, hey, this Ferrari is a $333,000 car, or whatever I paid for it. And it goes, you know, but it's like, what's the value of this? The engineering behind it, the value of it, right? Not the price of it. And I'm, like, you know, like, for example, if I say, oh, that costs too much. No, no, no, that's not valuable for us. Why would I say, if he wants a toy, uh, he always likes video games and stuff. He wants to buy an in-app purchase. And these in-app purchasing people-

• 22:27Lewis Howes?

  They can be expensive now.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  They're, they know-

• 22:29Lewis Howes?

  Fifty to a hundred bucks, some of them, right?

• 22:31Speaker 02

  I caught him buying, like, it was hundreds of dollars worth of stuff.

• 22:34Lewis Howes?

  Man.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  And, uh, and I'm like, what, that's too expensive? Like, 60 bucks, right? Like, why would I do that?

• 22:39Lewis Howes?

  For a game, yeah.

• 22:40Speaker 02

  And he goes, you got 60 bucks? And the truth is, I do. Um, but, but, you know, but I wanted to explain to him, that's not valuable. Like, we could, what else could we do with $60? Right, than a fleeting moment in a video game? And there's so much more you can do. I bought a place off the grid in northern Arizona, so that way I could teach him how to conserve water, pick up trash, like, teach him how, you know, to, to integrate with nature, not just, you know, not just live in this castle that I built, so to speak.

• 23:08Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right, yes.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:09Lewis Howes?

  It's nice. I love your face.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you, thank you. I'm like, I'm, I'm like, I'm sniveling here, because you, you made me start to tear up talking about my mom. Thank you for pivoting me-

• 23:18Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure, of course.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Thank you for pivoting me to, uh, uh, something I'm very happy to talk about, which is my son.

• 23:23Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:24Lewis Howes?

  What do you think his biggest challenge is gonna be, growing up?

• 23:27Speaker 02

  Well, you know, he has autism, so, um, uh, you know, today, today, he told me, he said, sometimes your friends don't show up. And, and I've taught him how to make friends a lot. He used to be very sad about the fact that kids would make fun of him, because he's different, you know? He's got special needs and, uh, in school, he has what's called a BI, which is an adult assigned to him to help him cope and understand how to integrate and, you know, and-

• 23:50Lewis Howes?

  It's just hard when you're in school, if you have, like-

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:53Lewis Howes?

  Anything that's not normal, right?

• 23:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, and the kids see that. Like, why does Reagan have an adult with him in class? Now- We had an early intervention. His mother is a rock star mom. She's there for him. We got him an advocate. You know, we've done everything we can. My son is in the public school system. And the reason why I did that is because I wanted to be an advocate for other families to utilize the public school system resources. Because I could have put him in some, you know, very expensive private school and so forth. And obviously, I have more means. And so I have an advantage for him. And I wanted then, that's why my foundation gives to autistic related causes and so forth, because I want to help families without means. But I don't know, what his biggest challenge is going to be growing up. You know, his challenge is going to be if he wants to be President of

• 24:37Speaker 02

  the United States of America, or the next Mark Zuckerberg. Because I'm going to figure out a way for him to do whatever it is that he wants to do. So his challenge is going to be-

• 24:44Lewis Howes?

  Making the decision.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  Yeah. His challenge is going to be that I'm going to help him take these weaknesses and turn them into strengths. And where he's going to apply those strengths in the place that he loves the most.

• 24:53Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. I like that. What do you think, I think there's a lot of people today that want to be entrepreneurs, and that want to be a CEO, and they want to be a leader of something. They want to build something. What's the biggest misconception about being a CEO, or being a leader of a company with 15,000, 100,000, 1,000 people, whatever, in that range? What's the biggest misconception? What's the biggest challenge about being a CEO and a leader today?

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Well, I'll tell you the biggest challenge I've had, and I still have it, is, you know, when you, for example, you're in a relationship with someone, and they come home and they have their needs and their wants. And you have 1,000 people that have needs and wants. And your lifestyle that you live, and you know, that sand beach that you have is built by them, not you. Right? And so you need to find people in your family that understand that we are just servants, and we are here to serve them. And when the company calls, you know, we go help. We do whatever it takes.

• 25:50Lewis Howes?

  There's no off-hours. There's no-

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you gotta, yeah, you gotta try to find a way to recharge. But a lot of times, people don't understand what it's like to lead a lot of people. And like, and sometimes when you lead those people, you know, you come home and you're not there. Because you might have had to lay off a person today. You might have had to fire a friend. You might have had to, you know, you might have had to have a very uncomfortable conversation. I woke up to a lawsuit. I mean, there's things that hit you when you get big, and when you run a big company, that, you know, that suck. I mean, day in, day out. So, you know, a lot of people think that it's glamorous, but there's a lot of, uh, you know, when I was at the White House and I was in the West Wing and I got to see the president's staff and I got to see the man work. And I was like, you know, you have no idea what this guy.

• 26:36Lewis Howes?

  The pressure.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  Like, and I'm gonna criticize him. I mean, I may not like his policy on certain things, but this guy's working harder than me and he's taking, you know, he's getting more gray hair and.

• 26:46Lewis Howes?

  He's getting hits by everyone.

• 26:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, everyone at all times. And in fact, one of the staff members told me, we have a national security threat every single day that the president has to review. Matt 365.

• 26:57Lewis Howes?

  Oh, sure.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Right? And you imagine.

• 26:58Lewis Howes?

  What about to take action on or not take action on? What's serious enough?

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, I get the chills just saying it. And having seen that man's work environment, you know, and I named my son Reagan, so it tells you that my, my politics were Republican until the party became what it is today. Hopefully, somebody fixes it. Uh, maybe, maybe, maybe I'll have a role in politics in the future, but I gotta tell you, man, I'm not happy with the party as it stands today. But that said, uh, I, I saw the president at work and I would hate to have his job, right? That's not an easy job. And, uh, he's.

• 27:28Lewis Howes?

  Not glamorous at all.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  It looks like he's doing.

• 27:29Lewis Howes?

  There are moments of glamour, right?

• 27:31Speaker 02

  It looks like he's doing the best he can, you know? And I, I say that as an observer. Uh, it looks like he's doing the best he can. So, I'm, I'm doing the best I can. I don't always get it right, but I, I utilize the data that I have in front of me today and the values that I have, and I make the best decision. But sometimes I don't see all the data. Sometimes, you know, the, the two decisions I have, both of them suck. I just take the best of the worst.

• 27:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. How do you, I guess, come home at night and cope with it, whatever's happening? I mean, again, the pressure.

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:02Lewis Howes?

  The money involved, the people's lives involved.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:06Lewis Howes?

  How do you, how does a leader, do you think a leader should handle these pressures? Like, what should we do as we continue to grow? And, you know, you talk about don't believe in your own hype. You know, can you integrate that in this as well?

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Well, that's how you go up with it. Don't believe your own hype. So, one of my friends, he's an avid, he's a professional poker player.

• 28:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  And, you know, he's really good at it. And he's also a great businessman. And he's like, when you're on a, when you're on a run, you gotta be prepared to start having some losing hands. And to use a baseball analogy, right? Like, if I show up to bat and I'm hitting a thousand, right? It's really easy to be like, I'm the best baseball player in the history of humanity. But eventually, your batting average is gonna even out to, you know, 400, and that's fine. A lot of people don't understand that. Business is like, you know, you're gonna have a batting average, right? So, one of the things that I tell people in my book is pay attention to your timeline, right? So, I started my career 20 years ago to, in October, which is when my book comes out. I didn't even think about that, yeah. This is my 20th anniversary as an entrepreneur.

• 29:10Speaker 02

  And if you look at it over 20 years, you know, it looks like a hockey stick. It looks great. But man, some of those years and some of those moments in between, yeah, it, yeah, it looks like it's dark.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  There's been times where, you know, I've had to spend a week reflecting and contemplating and trying to check my ego. And one of the only reason why I was able to get that big exit, when I, the guys at Blithe that bought me tried to have me fired. And I write a lot about that. The only reason why I have the money I have and the company that I have today is because I said, you know what? I'm just gonna let these guys walk on me. I'm gonna let them, I'm gonna let them spit on me. I'm gonna let them do this. And I'm just gonna let them do it because I know in the long term I'm gonna win. And I told one of my friends, and he told me, he's against Cameron Forney if you're out there. I told him when this was happening, I'm gonna buy him from the inside out. They don't understand that I have a contract right down my hands. I'm gonna build so hardcore that one day they're gonna, they're gonna, it's gonna turn around. I'm gonna own that company.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  And that's what happened.

• 30:08Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  You know.

• 30:09Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 30:10Speaker 02

  Um, now that said, uh, you know, not everybody has that kind of structure and I'm, I had some great advisors. I've had great attorneys, great team members, partnership with Todd Gergen and the Gergen family. I've been blessed to be at the right place at the right time. And when I see a mentor like you, you know, I do everything I can to add value and then get my investors returns. So I, I've gotten people, one of my friends loaned me a hundred grand, uh, when Vice Alice needed money and I gave him back 3.7 million in cash without a contract.

• 30:38Lewis Howes?

  He gave you a hundred grand.

• 30:39Speaker 02

  I gave him 3.7 million cash back and he gave me the hundred grand. He said, I know you'll take care of me. We don't need to do a deal. And I, I took the percentage of money that I earned with his honey, a hundred grand and I gave him, uh, 3.7.

• 30:50Lewis Howes?

  Wish I was that guy.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  You get you a hundred grand on you?

• 30:52Lewis Howes?

  I'll get you a hundred grand right now.

• 30:55Speaker 02

  Nowadays I, I have enough money that I don't need.

• 30:57Lewis Howes?

  He don't need that. He needs investors.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I, I know, I know, uh, I know, uh, what I'm capable of with, I can do a lot with a hundred grand. Uh, and so, uh,

• 31:06Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  Back then I wasn't sure what I could do with it. Now that I know I could turn that into a lot, I don't, you know, I'm a little more, uh,

• 31:12Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  I'm a little smarter with my investment deals.

• 31:15Lewis Howes?

  Who do you think, uh, this might be a, not a politically correct question, but men or women, who do you feel are better attributes in general to lead?

• 31:24Speaker 02

  I think women are better leaders than men for sure. A hundred percent.

• 31:27Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Um, uh, well, you know, oh, oh, I guess a woman, um, and I'm, I'm a, I'm a science geek. So you're going to have to forgive me here when it comes to, uh, uh, you know? So one, I'm very spiritual, but I believe in evolution because I, I've studied, uh, in fact, when I was in, uh, community college, I thought I was going to become an archaeologist. I love, uh, studying sciences and all kinds of sciences. And if you look at how we're designed as a species, you know, men are designed to hunt and bring back that food to the village. Women are designed to lead, lead that village, to take care of those kids, uh, and children and so forth. Take care of the elderly and make sure that they serve the village. And that's what a leader should be is a person who serves the village.

• 32:06Speaker 02

  And some of us men, you know, we're designed to go hunt and that might be that we're great at sales or that might be that we're great at, you know, at being singular in our, in our, our way. Now you can unlearn that type of stuff because that's as much culturally as it is genetically, but there's an element of genetics that plays into it. I believe that it's.

• 32:23Lewis Howes?

  A wiring, right?

• 32:24Speaker 02

  It's transferred. I mean, behaviors are learned and transferred. Genetics are transferred. You know, it's like, why, why would an animal be naturally afraid of a human? Uh, if it's never seen a human, it's because somehow. You know, that information was transferred in the genes. So there's information transferred in the genes in our evolution. Uh, that, uh, that, you know, that, that, that I think makes women better leaders than men.

• 32:44Lewis Howes?

  Have you ever thought about having a CEO, a woman?

• 32:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course, of course. Uh, yeah, a hundred percent. Some of my, my top executives in my company are women. In fact, my team is mostly women in terms of my inner circle. Yeah, yeah, because, you know, I can be that, you know, uh, I, I have a very emotional side to me. I'm a mama's boy. I was raised by two women, but I also have a very dominant masculine side to me, where I could be highly competitive and, and perhaps my blind spot, you know, of not having empathy or not understanding, you know, some of the, the dynamics that are at play. And so my best advisors are, are females.

• 33:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I want to shift a little bit and talk about masculinity.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:24Lewis Howes?

  Cause you went through a phase in your life where you lived the rockstar lifestyle.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I still live it. I just live it a little more, uh, healthily.

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  Gracefully, right? But there were months or years where you were going out and partying and with

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 33:39Lewis Howes?

  Girls you can't remember names probably and, you know, having sexcapades and experiences.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Not sexcapades.

• 33:45Lewis Howes?

  Okay, experiences that were.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I, listen, I've, I've taken it to my, I've, I've values. I was raised spiritually. I've taken it to the edge of my values.

• 33:55Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure. You're on the line, right?

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I know, I, I know where the other side is and I plan, I chose not to go there.

• 34:02Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure, sure. Why, um?

• 34:06Speaker 02

  I know, I know what you're thinking. I told him there's some questions that are off limits.

• 34:11Lewis Howes?

  It's all right.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Thank you for honoring that.

• 34:13Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure, sure. I'm curious about, you know, I want to talk about masculinity and what your definition of masculinity is, how you were brought up, thinking what it meant to be a man? And if it's evolved over time now that you're a father?

• 34:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I was brought up, uh, my dad was a terrible example of that subject. You know, he would make misogynistic jokes and I, my, so my, my, my mother, she went through a lot of hardship. She was beaten. My dad would use her as an example. If I was at the dinner table and my mom talked with her mouth open, he would smack her in the face.

• 34:47Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Oh, I mean, hard.

• 34:49Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  I mean, it would be like, uh, the hardest slap in the face to give, to have a lesson for me to see. You don't talk with food in your mouth, right? That's the guy that I dealt with. Um, you know, and he'd make, you know, all kinds of jokes about, you know, woman should be in the kitchen and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so, you know, he beat my mom up so much that I, I basically disavowed anything that he told me at all and hated every, every philosophy and everything that he gave me whatsoever. Although he did give me a couple of things I give him credit for, which is he, you know, he had a level of, of work ethic and ambition at the time that, you know, that showed me a way. And he was a smart guy in terms of his, his intellectual smart, but then emotional intelligence was zero. So my definition of masculinity is,

• 35:33Speaker 02

  is probably vulnerability, right? Like I'm a completely opposite of most. I, I think the most powerful thing a man can do is hold back his tears because he feels so much pain and feels, you know, you know, feels what's going on in the world, right? And he's holding that back because he needs to show strength, but he feels it, but he wants to be strong and he doesn't want, you know, like you, you heard me, you saw me holding back tears, right? So my definition of a man is, um, one that is vulnerable, but is strong, right? One that is, that is empathetic and, and tries to understand the situation, but knows when to take command and make it happen if it's needed. One that defends his family, one that makes sure that his children are fed no matter what, right? One that makes, um, you know, that, that it's a leader of his

• 36:16Speaker 02

  family and, and, and, you know, a person perhaps that has dedicated their life to our, to service. You know, when I meet a serviceman or a police officer, my brother-in-law was a former chief of police. It's like, I thank them. You know what I mean? I went to a general, Colonel Ernie Banks at West Point's, um, ceremony of retirement where they made him a general. That guy's a man. That guy has sacrificed his entire life, given service, been in combat. Like my definition of a man is a person of service, right? And a person who doesn't, um, you know, a lot of people just take from this society and, uh, and, and we live in such a beautiful society. It's easy to do that. My definition of a man is somebody, whatever they take, they give back tenfold.

• 36:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Was there ever a period in your life where you felt like?

• 37:01Speaker 02

  You weren't living up to that definition? I mean, I, I think that the key, the interesting thing about values as you grow is you change those values, you know, you have a set of values that were, that were given to you by someone else. Yes. And then all of a sudden, you get intellectually smart enough to start asking, are those really my values? Yeah. Right? Or, you know, the rules of our society are made up of people no smarter than you. At some point, you realize that. And then you agree, hey, I agree with that rule, or I agree with that value. And, uh, and when you agree with it, then you'll check yourself and hold yourself to it. But you'll never be a hundred percent there, right? So the key is, is when you're not there, you go, I'm not living in my values right now. And you try to move back toward it. When you're there, you're, you feel good, but you, you might have 10 different values. And so you gotta constantly adjust them, right?

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Because sometimes I might say, well, I have a value of family and spending time with my son, right? That's part of my value system is quality time with my son is a value, is a value system of mine. But then all of a sudden, I'm on the road for five days. Well, you know, I'm FaceTiming with him, but that's not quality time. Plus, you know, he's, he's not really engaging unless you get him kinda in your arms kinda thing. So then I say, wait, I'm not living in my values and I have to make these adjustments and shifts. Uh, and then the interesting thing is, is when you, when you declare a new value, right? New value, like you declare a new value system, like I'm gonna, uh, not get caught up in my own hype, right? Well, the day you declare that, you're caught up in your own hype. The reason why you declared it is because you're caught up in your own hype, right? But then you're doing it as a way to put, hold people publicly, for people to hold you accountable,

• 38:29Speaker 02

  especially if you posted on Facebook or you let your friends and family know. You're saying, hey, I want to be held accountable to this new value. And then you start to go through the slow process of knowing when you're not, because you're aware, and then trying to move toward it. But you can't just declare a value and expect to live it that second. Yeah. You declare a value or you adopt a value, uh, or you realize that you haven't been living to one. And man, all the time I've, I've, I've, I've had to check myself for that. Yeah, yeah. Um, generally when you're in these rock bottom moments, you know, it's because you're not living to some sort of value system that, that, that you should. And you don't realize it because it might be something that hit, knocked you off that value system and you don't understand why. You're not aware of it. You're not aware. You don't know. Frustrated, why is my life sucking right now? You just keep digging, you just keep digging the hole, right? And you don't understand it. The hole gets deeper and the hole gets deeper and the hole gets deeper.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  Well, for someone who's not aware of it, how do they get out of it then? Well, for one, uh, if you're in a hole and you're feeling pain all the time and, and you're, you know, and you're, you're broke, and I, I mean, I've been there. I talked about it in my book. I went bankrupt. I've had all kinds of challenges. You gotta basically realize I'm in a hole and I'm gonna quit digging. Right? And so it's like, you know, and everybody talks about like hitting bottom.

• 39:36Speaker 02

  The title Rock Bottom was inspired by J.K. Rowling's when she said, "Rock Bottom became the foundation for which I built my empire." Right? You know, and she tells us, yeah, she tells a story of which her sitting in a cafe. She's got a baby, you know, she can't have been denied by publishers and she's writing Harry Potter. Right?

• 39:53Lewis Howes?

  Crazy.

• 39:53Speaker 02

  It's crazy. So it's like, so my goal with the book is for people at Rock Bottom Moment to know like, this is it. This is the greatest moment of my life. This I can change right now. I just got to declare it to be that moment. Otherwise, it's gonna happen. It's gonna keep, you're gonna keep digging and you're gonna find that bottom somewhere. And my hope is, I have a sister that's on and off the American, on off the most wanted list for the county we grew up in. She's never found the bottom yet, but she's gone and I've tried my best to help her. But I know she's going there. And so I wrote this book because I want to stop people from digging. Have them, you know, to each of us, my Rock Bottom moments might not nearly be as bad as someone else's. Doesn't matter. Pain is only, you know, the meaning you give it, right?

• 40:36Speaker 02

  I want to help people stop digging and start, you know, growing.

• 40:39Lewis Howes?

  For those who have a family member who might be in a similar situation as you, where it's just like, man, they just never figured it out. They keep making that same mistake. They keep being a victim or suffering or going through pain or challenger for challenge. It doesn't matter how hard you work to like be there for them. What advice would you give to someone?

• 40:57Speaker 02

  You know, I wrote, I wrote my book for that. And I'll tell you a story about Nothing to Lose, which is fascinating. And I get these emails from all around the world because the book still sells well and it's all around the world. And I got, I got an email the other day from a woman and it's a touching story. And I planned to read it to camera later, but she had, she had just made the decision to commit suicide. She was a survivor of nine 11. She was in the, when the World Trade Center collapsed, she was a part of that. She, she lived and she had all this huge regret that everybody died. And she started doing drugs and one night she's doing drugs and she has a bottle of pills and it's over. And she goes to do her last line before she says goodbye and she sees underneath it is an orange cover and it's my book.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  She picks it up and starts reading it. And so anyways, I, I, she got, after she read the book, she made a decision that she was gonna live. And um, I, I, you know, that's why I write these books, right? Because, you know, I, I know how hard it is when you're in a position like that. And uh, and you know, and, and so I guess, you know, I don't know, I don't know the answer to the question of what do you do? Get him a book, put him in front of, uh, uh, you know, uh, find a YouTube inspiration, find out something that's gonna resonate. Put music in their ears that's gonna help reprogram them. Cause these people are just, they've, they've, they've adopted bad programming and they just gotta get reprogrammed somehow, right?

• 42:21Lewis Howes?

  It's challenging.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:22Lewis Howes?

  I've, I've always found that like, the people closest to us may never listen to us, but maybe they'll listen to someone else.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's it. No, yeah.

• 42:28Lewis Howes?

  So, give them a catalyst, give them the book, get a copy of the book for them, or whatever, podcasts, like you said, or something that could be a potential.

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, at my events, single mothers show up with their kids and they bring me, uh, like they put that child in front of me. Uh, I'll give you a story, it's interesting. So, um, Akon's, uh, you know, the world famous singer. So his mother, uh, uh, uh, is, uh, one of my, uh, team members at Vaisalas. And her son is Akon's son. And she came to me and said, my son loves your book, you know, we signed one to him. I'm like, of course, like anytime I have that privilege to do it. And the other day, uh, you know, Akon came in the office and, you know, and, and it was just a special moment to see a single mother bring her kid, you know, that she wanted to show another reference to, cause most of the time, uh, kids don't listen to mom, kids don't listen to dad. I, you know, I certainly didn't. So you gotta get them in front of other people.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  And, and then like, you know, when you do that, a magical spark might occur. And that's what happened to me is my mom got me in front of a guy I would listen to. And as a result of that, I'd had a new model, a new example.

• 43:29Lewis Howes?

  You had a mentor early on that really helped you, right?

• 43:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, at 17 years old, my mom put me in front of a guy that I'd finally listened to. I wouldn't listen to teachers, I wouldn't listen to police, right? And all of a sudden, I'm sitting in front of a guy and I'm like, I'll listen.

• 43:40Lewis Howes?

  You respected him, that's whatever reason.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  I respected him. Uh, and he had the right style, right? It's like.

• 43:45Lewis Howes?

  Cause he was nice to him, right?

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was disarming. Like, I was a thug, I was mean, I, I was a fighter. He was a flamboyant, laughing, big eared, short bald guy that had all this love, you know, out of him and just wanted to help. And like, so I was like, huh, this is interesting. I'm gonna listen to this guy. It wasn't some authoritative figure trying to tell me what to do and tell me that I'm about to ruin my life. And it wasn't my mom harping on me. And all of a sudden, I listened to this guy and I became a student. And like, the old proverb goes when the. When the student is ready, the teacher appears, right? And that's that. So you've just got to put your students in front of as many teachers as you can until that student is ready and that teacher appears.

• 44:24Lewis Howes?

  Well, you're a pretty big teacher right now to so many, even though you're still a student in a lot of ways.

• 44:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm learning.

• 44:29Lewis Howes?

  But what would you say is the biggest conflict that you face on a daily basis, an eternal conflict?

• 44:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, eternal conflict.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  When I'm not with my son, you know, I wish that I could have found a way to have him in one, you know, have one household. And, you know, he'll, you know, yesterday he said something to me like, why can't we just all live in one house? And I got to explain to him these types of things, right?

• 44:57Lewis Howes?

  You and his mom and him.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. It's like, why do we need two houses, you know, his logic.

• 45:01Lewis Howes?

  Back and forth.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  Like, does it make sense, you know? And I bought him a really nice, a really nice house because I wanted him to know that mom and dad are equally important. And, you know, one's not, I wasn't married to her. And so I went out of my way to give as much as I possibly could to make sure that my son and his mother had a great environment. And that, you know, and then, you know, and that he would obviously see my environment. But that said, that's the biggest conflict is like, you know, because a lot of people don't understand this. When you're a single father, you know, and I go, like, for example, if I take a day out of Los Angeles to go on the road, that's a day I don't see my son. If I only get him half the time and I'm taking one of my days, now I'm down to like a third of my time with him.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  And if I take five of my days, now I'm down to 10%, I get to see my son 10%. And so if you have a family together with a child, it doesn't make sense to you. Why wouldn't you go on the road for five days or 10 days? Because you get to see him the other 15 days or 20 days of the month. But if I go on the road for 10 days, I only get to see my son for another five days that month. So that means that month I saw my son for five days. Out of thirty, that's not, that's not, that's enough time to develop a young boy, right? He's seven years old. He needs, he needs those lessons that I give day in and day out. So the biggest conflict that I have is I want to go on the road and see my people. I want to go help and lean in and work with their families. And then the other conflict is I can't take my son out of school.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Because he's an autistic child, like every minute counts right now for the future.

• 46:31Lewis Howes?

  To develop.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  His neural connections are wiring, his esteem is getting created based on the friends that he has. I pull him out from his friends and his teachers and the, you know, the IEP group that serves him and helps him. And that's damaging. So like, that's my conflict, right? You know, so, you know, every time I go on the road, if I do give a speech, like that's taking something really, really out of me. And I'll do that. I'll make that trade if I know I'm going to make an impact. Like a real big impact, right? Because I know my son is going to see that example one day.

• 47:02Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 47:02Speaker 02

  And say that was an impact. But when I do that, if I, one, I won't do it if it's, you know, if there's no real impact associated. And then, you know, a lot of times, sometimes people, you know, they'll host an event or whatever. And they'll ask me to come speak and I'll come speak at it. And I'm like, man, they didn't put all, they didn't take as much time and put it into this event as they should have. Because I took all this time away from my son to go there and you didn't figure out how to properly introduce me or properly.

• 47:28Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  Right? You know what I mean?

• 47:29Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. That's the worst.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  You've been there, right?

• 47:30Lewis Howes?

  It's the worst, man. It's like someone that doesn't even know who you are has a note card. It's like, okay, come on stage.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  And you're like, ah, you know, I put all this work in preparation, time away from.

• 47:39Lewis Howes?

  Flew here, yeah, yeah.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Flew here and, you know, to give an impact.

• 47:41Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  But that, you know, I love, I love impacting people. And I love, sometimes I'll bring my son out on stage and I'm trying to teach him.

• 47:50Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  He's gone out a couple of times. One time I was at an event and I was telling the story and he, he's backstage. And he refuses to come out with me and I'm fine with that. Like I'm like, all right, you know, I'm gonna go up there and he's like, I wanna come, I'll come. And he's like, nope, not coming, right? Stage fright. And I'm like, all right, no problem at all. I go out there, I'm talking. I started talking about my son and all of a sudden he runs out from the crowd, comes up on stage and gives me a hug during the speech.

• 48:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's cool.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  And then runs away. And I was like, I remember, it was one of those moments where I just stopped and I couldn't, I couldn't, I mean, I like teared up and I was like, guys, give me a second here.

• 48:22Lewis Howes?

  It's gotta be the best feeling.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, it was a shocker. Like I, yeah, it was a cool feeling. And a lot, you know, you know, there was, um, I don't know, 10,000 people, you know, that went into a standing O. And it was crazy, but it took me like two minutes to regroup to live that moment.

• 48:38Lewis Howes?

  Sure, that's amazing. Do you feel like it's more challenging to sustain a loving, committed relationship as a leader of a big company or a CEO? And, you know, you connect with a lot of CEOs who have big companies, you're in that space. What's the theme? Do people have the common challenge or they have it figured out or?

• 48:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, sometimes people are lucky in that they found, they find their soulmate early. And so they're part of the process. And so they're, they've been there since the beginning and

• 49:09Lewis Howes?

  They've helped them build.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  They helped them build and they're that, that, that, that, that anchor win word for that CEO. Like, for example, my mentor, Bob Gergen, uh, you know, the Wharton School of Entrepreneurship is called the Gergen School. His wife Pam, she's a brilliant intellectual. Uh, she, she held down the house while he was out there building the empire. They, they raised two great children, Todd Gergen, one of my very best friends, and Rob Gergen, Todd's brother, also a close ally and confidant of mine. And it's like, she had, they had that foundation where they did it together as a family and they created a very, very successful family. And the two kids, Todd and Rob, have taken that on. So that, that scenario works really well. I, I didn't find that, uh, early on. So, you know, obviously now in dating, it's

• 49:53Speaker 02

  difficult to explain to somebody, hey, you know, You can never be my first priority until we figure out a whole lot of stuff together. First thing we gotta figure out is if you like the way I parent and if I like the way you potentially parent. Second thing we gotta figure out is if you understand that I support not one family, but I support a thousand families. And that at Christmas time, those presents are either under the tree or not, based on the work that we're doing here right now and you supporting me to go on the road or you supporting me to do this. Because those kids are getting fed on Hanukkah or Christmas or whatever the holidays are as a result of their employment with me. And if I make a bad decision, it hurts them. And you gotta have the clarity, the energy, the focus, the passion.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  I can't have somebody texting me during a board meeting saying, interrupting me. And I've had those situations where it's a tough juggle. So last time I was on your podcast, I told you my biggest challenge was relationships. Two years later, it's the same thing. You know what? It helps me write, so I write about this stuff. That's good. It's good to talk about, you know? Yeah, they say all art comes from some sort of internal pain or internal frustration or internal desire, right? What do you think it's gonna take for you to resolve this or to find the partner that is a great match? Yeah, to all the women that I've ever dated, it's not your fault. It is me that is the problem. I'm clear on that now.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, because you care more about the business, your vision, your son than a partner right now. But although you're conflicted internally because you know what that brings, value, the fulfillment that brings, right? Well, no, I know I will be at my best. The book Think and Go Rich has a chapter about sexual transmutation or something like that. So the energy that I have to put into dating takes away from my energy to build. So much energy. Yeah, a lot of it. And so, right now, and writing the book and everything else in my life, I've just said, I'm not gonna pursue that right now because it's too important for me to educate my son. It's too important for me to build my business. And I'm in the middle of a turnaround at Vaisalas, right?

• 52:04Speaker 02

  So right now, I gotta go out there and I gotta serve other people. I can't be focused on me. So it's been weird. I quit dating people. I quit even engaging. Right, you know, and, and, and I, you know, I, and I've actually started having women become my friends now, which is really cool. And I'm not dating whatsoever. So, you know, after the book's done and all the other work I gotta do, you know, who knows? Maybe I'll get back on match.com or something like that.

• 52:28Lewis Howes?

  I like it, man. Do you feel like having a partner will propel you into another level?

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent.

• 52:34Lewis Howes?

  Really? The right partner, I should say?

• 52:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, but it's tough to figure out, you know, there's a lot.

• 52:38Lewis Howes?

  It's not so black and white, huh?

• 52:39Speaker 02

  Well, it isn't because I'm a math guy, right? One of my philosophies is the path is all math. And if you just do the mathematics about, you know, the population, the age, the requirements of emotional stability, intellectual stability, beauty, values. Uh, you know, value system around subjects like money, around children, around this, that and the other. You gotta find something that, that mathematically is a relatively tough equation.

• 52:59Lewis Howes?

  Because love is not enough sometimes, right?

• 53:00Speaker 02

  Uh, you can't love somebody that, that, that, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know if you can love somebody that doesn't match your value system.

• 53:07Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  You know, it's easy to fall in love and then all this.

• 53:10Lewis Howes?

  You can love them, but it just doesn't work.

• 53:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love.

• 53:12Lewis Howes?

  As efficiently as it could, right?

• 53:14Speaker 02

  I love everybody. I, you know, um, that Will Ferrell movie, what's it called? Uh, the basketball one? Uh, where he plays a basketball player. I forget what it is.

• 53:22Lewis Howes?

  I know what you're talking about.

• 53:23Speaker 02

  He had this thing, it was the, the phrase was E L E. Everybody love everybody.

• 53:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 02

  I love everybody. Uh, but you know, to have a partnership is different than, you know, my family is a business. You know, uh, everything I do is a business, you know, um, and so to have a partnership, it's gotta run like a business. And my dream though, is I'll, I'll tell you this, my dream is this, I wanna make enough money and find the right partner that helps me give it away. So I wanna make so much money and then, and then on the other side of the family that I have a partner that's helping make sure that we give it away with the same level of intentionality. With, you know, with the same level of effect and the same level of, of focus and, and, and commitment. So if I make it, she gives it away and we come home over to the dinner table and we talk about, you know, how I helped the foundation and what the foundation did today. And it's, it's a team.

• 54:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  Like that's my dream, but you know, that requires, uh, uh, you know, me to make a whole lot of money. And that requires, uh, somebody to understand, you know, my philosophy and value system around it.

• 54:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  And that's, that's, I have a unique one because. You know, a lot of people, I don't know, it's very unique just because having come from being absolutely poor to where I'm now, you know, my relationship is a little different. A lot of people have a hard time understanding, you know, like I bought a woman a first class ticket with me to Bali and she didn't, uh, you know, she didn't appreciate it. And I was like, do you know, my mother never had more than 600 bucks in the bank.

• 54:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you gotta appreciate.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  And here I'm spending $50,000 getting you, you know, to Bali and you don't appreciate it? Like, I can't, I don't understand it. So anyway, so it's tough. And then, anyway, I could go on for I think.

• 54:57Lewis Howes?

  What do you, what do you say to someone who says, well, uh, you know, you look at a relationship as a business, like a marriage or a partnership or whatever, as a business, maybe they think that doesn't sound so, I don't know, loving or, I don't know, the right thing. What do you say to someone like that?

• 55:11Speaker 02

  It's definitely not The Notebook.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  When I, when I write my romance novel, it's definitely not gonna look like The Notebook.

• 55:18Lewis Howes?

  Sure. What do you say to someone that was like, oh, that's not the way you should think about relationships as a business?

• 55:22Speaker 02

  I know, I listen, I listen to people and believe me, when you're on social media, you get lots of advice on the subject. Uh, and, uh, you know, and frankly, uh, as of right now, it has served me well. I, I would tell you, I am fulfilled. I have an element that I'm, that I'd like to add to my fulfillment and I think I'll be even more fulfilled, but I'm happy, right? You know, like, I'm, I'm happy. Today I woke up, I went on a hike with one of my dear friends, you know, I got a great workout in, I got a swim in with my son, I got him off to school, I had a fantastic meal. I'm sitting here talking to you, I'm, I'm helping people change, you know, uh, their lives. I mean, I have a great life, right? And I'm able to feel very fulfilled. I know that that'll have an amplification effect, but I'm not, I'm not searching for it, you know, I just know that I

• 56:06Speaker 02

  have to become the person that I need to become and I need to be exposed to the person that, that, that is the right person for who I become.

• 56:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. I like it, man. Did that work?

• 56:15Speaker 02

  I'm gonna take a sip of that.

• 56:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:17Speaker 02

  I'm gonna take a sip to that.

• 56:18Lewis Howes?

  This, this, this commercial is brought to you by Neon Energy Drink.

• 56:23Lewis Howes?

  I like this stuff. Okay, final few questions.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 56:26Lewis Howes?

  I always feel like I could go like two, three hours.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, man.

• 56:28Lewis Howes?

  Cause we have these conversations off camera all the time. And I just feel like we never get to resolve anything. Like it's constantly like learning and sharing.

• 56:36Speaker 02

  Have me back on, have me back on.

• 56:39Lewis Howes?

  You gotta write a book within, before six years.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I, I, I did, just before we go, I realized I'm alive again. I had no idea when I put the pen down on Nothing to Lose, that my art, the way I express myself, the way, the way I, I, I resolve conflict, the way I kind of rationalize, you know, and, and then understand perhaps bad decisions, that's through writing. So I'm committed to continuing the writing process this time around. I don't know how long it's gonna take for the next one to come out, but I could tell you this. I'm, I'm an author, I'm a writer, and, uh, and this is my art.

• 57:11Lewis Howes?

  That's cool, man. Yeah, you've done great stuff and everyone needs to get the book.

• 57:14Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 57:14Lewis Howes?

  Um, final few questions.

• 57:18Lewis Howes?

  What are you most grateful for in your life recently?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Uh, oh, my son the other day told me, um, my, so my friend Rich Paula is at my house. I'm giving my son a lesson. He grabs the camera and takes a picture or take, you know, puts it on camera. I have no idea. And my son's sitting on top of my kitchen counter and, you know, and, uh, and I'm sitting there at the computer. And he's showing me something on the computer and it's scary images from Five Nights at Freddy's, which is like these really scary things. And I'm like, wow, this is scary. And he goes, you told me to face my fears and so I'm facing my fears. And it was the cutest thing in the world. And I was like, wow, like, like if all he learns is face your fears.

• 57:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  Right? So I was like, I'm grateful to Rich for capturing it. I'm grateful to Reagan for actually hearing the words that I said and applying them. Uh, and that's on the family level. On the business level, you know, Gerard Adams started Elite Daily after reading my book. Right? Like, and, and like he gave me a testimony that he read the book, started Elite Daily. Uh, I invest in the company and like he's a lifelong friend. And so I'm grateful, you know, that, that people like him reach out to me, you know, with their business plans and put me in a position where, you know, I can be like their Sean Parker to Mark Zuckerberg. Right? Like, you know, that's, that's who I want to be as a venture capitalist is I want to find the next Gerard out there that the other VCs won't see. Or don't understand because you know, I'm a guy's guy and a man of the people, so to speak.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  And I'm happy to tell them what I would do if I were them. And so I'm just grateful to the inbound, uh, you know, people that invite me to look at their, their companies and seek my advice so that I can help them, you know, do the same thing I would want, which is I give them the same advice I would ask.

• 58:52Lewis Howes?

  That's great. That's great. Uh, this is called the three truths. I don't know if I asked you this last time, did I?

• 58:57Speaker 02

  I don't remember.

• 58:58Lewis Howes?

  I don't think I did. It's called the three truths. I ask everyone at the end, this question. Uh, let's say it's the final day for you many years from now. All your books have been erased from time.

• 59:07Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 59:07Lewis Howes?

  So all the lessons you've shared are gone for whatever reason.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 59:10Lewis Howes?

  And, uh, you get to write down three things you know to be true about all your experiences in life that you would pass on to your family and the rest of the world. And these will be the only three things that they, they read about you as your beliefs, truths, values.

• 59:25Speaker 02

  Got it. One, learn the rules so you can break them like an artist. That's Picasso. Learn the rules so you can break them like an artist. That's one. Uh, number two, family first, right? Now my business is a family, so I integrate that in the same thing, right? Cause I, since I didn't have family, I see you as family. Like you're my brother. I've got, I've got probably, uh, Reagan calls so many people uncle, Uncle Louis. When we were with him, there's Uncle Louis. Alright, we all, we are one big family. I believe we're all interconnected as human beings. And you know, and so family first, but your family isn't just your blood, right? And then number three, I would say, uh, uh, you know, I would say, uh, number three, I'd say leave the world better than you found it.

• 1:00:09Lewis Howes?

  Those are powerful. I like those. Simple, man. You didn't need to write the book.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:13Lewis Howes?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. That's it.

• 1:00:15Lewis Howes?

  A lot more lessons in there.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  I hadn't thought, yeah, there is. No, this is all filler lessons. The last book was about, you know, how I did it. This book is about how they can do it too, so to speak. So.

• 1:00:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Um, before I ask the final question, uh, make sure you guys get the book, Rock Bottom to Rock Star by Ryan Blair. This is going to be a huge hit. It's a great read. Make sure to check it out. Some powerful lessons. Buy it and, uh, send a tweet right now, um, about the interview, what you liked the most from this interview.

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:00:43Lewis Howes?

  At Ryan Blair on Twitter.

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, on Twitter, I'm at Ryan Blair. On Facebook, it's at Ryan Blair dot fans. On Instagram, it's at Ryan Visalis.

• 1:00:51Lewis Howes?

  At Ryan Visalis. We'll have it all linked up here in the show notes afterwards, too. Before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Ryan, for your incredible heart.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:00:59Lewis Howes?

  You've got such a big heart, man. You care so much about your team.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:03Lewis Howes?

  You care so much about your family. I've seen it firsthand many times.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:01:07Lewis Howes?

  You care so much about your friends. You know, the amount of love you've given me has been amazing over the years and just the friendship we have.

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  And you as well, my man. Thank you.

• 1:01:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And I want to acknowledge you for writing another big hit, man. This is a great job.

• 1:01:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, but I need people's help, man. This is, you know, this is, I can't do it without people. I want to get this story out and I want to change a lot of lives. And that's it. I don't do this, you know, for profit. I do this, I do this to try to change as many lives. God has given me adversity for some reason, and I believe that reason is to, to, to share with people how I got through it, the mistakes that I made going through it, what I learned, and then to help people through their adversity, too.

• 1:01:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, you've done a great job, man. I acknowledge you for it.

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  I'm just starting, man. I'm just starting.

• 1:01:49Lewis Howes?

  We both are. Final question.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Lewis Howes?

  Is what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  Uh, what's my definition of greatness? Anybody who goes above and beyond the call of duty, right? Consistently to show up for their kids, to be the best teacher they can be, to, you know, to, to be the, you know, to live life like an art and like a science, right? And, and it doesn't matter whether you're rich or you're famous, or you're this, or you're that. If you're doing the very, very best, you, in my opinion, are great. And that, that could be the best valet, and he loves his job, and he's fulfilled doing it, and he does it good. Like, I see that person as great, you know? And, and so my definition of greatness is a person that's just operating at a level that is, that is beyond what everybody else could even imagine, because they really take personal pride in what they do.

• 1:02:35Lewis Howes?

  Ryan Blair.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  Thank you, man. I appreciate it. I love you, man.

• 1:02:37Lewis Howes?

  Appreciate it.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:02:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 1:02:40Lewis Howes?

  Yes, let me know what you guys thought of that. For me, I love connecting with Ryan. I love to be able to just hang out with him whenever I can, go on hikes with him and just learn. He's got so much information, he's created so much, and he's such a giving human being. I really appreciate all that he does for so many people. If you enjoyed this, make sure to go to LewisHowes.com/388. Share it with your friends, post this on Twitter, on Facebook. If this is your first time here, guys, we get over 1.3 million downloads a month for this podcast because of you, because of the movement of individuals around the world looking to take their life to the next level, looking to turn their challenges into their

• 1:03:23Lewis Howes?

  dreams and figure out how to turn the impossible into possible. We are bringing you inspiration, knowledge, skills, tools, resources, and stories that are going to help you unlock what's inside of you in making that dream come true. It's because of you we're able to bring on incredible guests. We just had on Meatloaf, the previous guest, and had an incredible interview. The next interview coming up, we've got UFC World Champion TJ Dillashaw. We're bringing on incredible people to reveal how they've done it. Continue to spread the message of greatness. Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes. Share it with your friends, leave a review. Do whatever you can to get this message out there.

• 1:04:06Lewis Howes?

  When you spread the message of inspiration, you're supporting and being in service of those around you. This is the time to do it. Make sure to pick up a copy of Ryan's new book as well, Rock Bottom to Rock Star. This guy is a legend and he's doing some incredible things. So make sure to give him some love and send him a message on Twitter or Instagram or Facebook as well and let him know what you think. I'm so pumped for what's to come and I'm so excited that you're here on this journey with me. So thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. I'm so grateful for you for listening today and continue to keep coming back because I'm going to give you my best if you promise to keep coming back. So with that, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there. And do something great.

• 1:05:20Lewis Howes?

  You.