Pod Insights My Brother, My Brother And Me MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX About this episode Don’t go outside, it’s wet! Instead, cozy up with a wad of Big League Chew and your sorta creepy ghost husband, because we’re going to watch every holiday movie in existence to distract us from that utterly terrifying HUGE reindeer decoration. Why is it so BIG?
Suggested talking points: As Fat a Chocobo as this Zenny Can Purchase, Method Chain from Huntington Steel, Maybe I’m Not a Cool Hang, You’re Not an Online Cat, My Life Story: Fuck, My Husband’s a Ghost
Get your Candlenights 2025 tickets here: bit.ly/Candlenights2025
Harmony House: https://harmonyhousewv.com/
Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
1:10 Travis McElroy? Hello, everybody, and welcome. My brother, my brother, and me. It's an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
1:16 Griffin McElroy? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf Wolf McElroy. What's up, Trav Nation? What's up, Trav Nation, and happy Hanadays. It's me, your sweet baby elf, little stinker elf, here to create some Christmas mischief, Griffin McElroy. What? Okay, what kind of Christmas?
1:31 Travis McElroy? Sorry, one more time, Griff?
1:32 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Hey, everybody, it's me, it's, hey, Trav Nation. No, no, just the gavel thing. Happy Hanadays. It's me, your sweet baby elf, a Christmas elf, here to cause Christmas mischief, Griffin McElroy. What kind of Christmas mischief do you have planned? You did all the candy canes. Well, that's gonna hurt your tummy. It did. It hurt it so bad, burning, too much peppermint, burning it up. But how else am I gonna do Christmas mischief? Smash all the gingerbread houses?
2:01 Travis McElroy? Hey, I want to talk about Christmas Carol for a second.
2:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, which one?
2:05 Travis McElroy? No, just like the general concept.
2:08 Griffin McElroy? Alright, cool. The show or the carol, like the singing, the idea of singing?
2:12 Travis McElroy? No, the book, the story.
2:14 Griffin McElroy? Okay, the story, the book.
2:16 Travis McElroy? How long do you think it's?
2:18 Griffin McElroy? I'm playing Scrooge tonight, you see.
2:19 Travis McElroy? Oh, this will be great. You're Scrooge?
2:21 Griffin McElroy? Tonight, I will be the Scrooge.
2:23 Travis McElroy? Nice, dude. This is great then, Justin, because you-
2:25 Griffin McElroy? At Huntington City Hall, tonight, I'll be the Scrooge.
2:28 Travis McElroy? The thing I've always wondered about, how long do you think it sticks?
2:34 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, this is, um, this is a great, this is a great topic of conversation. How long does it, how long does he stay good? Do you think he makes it to next Christmas? Do you think he makes it to New Year? Do you think there's a scene if that movie or play or book or whatever that keeps on going? December 31st and his nephew's like, "Hey, it's been so fun partying you, with you for six straight days. Do you want to come over for New Year's tonight and stay up past midnight?" And Scrooge is gonna be like, "I, I, that sounds act, I'm burnt out, man. I have to take a break."
3:07 Travis McElroy? I think it will probably, I think it, there's a reason that every single version of Christmas Carol you see, the one thing that they won't do is make it to Fred's party later that Christmas day.
3:21 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
3:21 Travis McElroy? You don't, you don't see, because I think Scrooge makes it to dinner before he's like, "Fucking hell, man."
3:29 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
3:30 Travis McElroy? For, there's so many. There's so many people, I just, I also just gave away a lot of money. And like forgave a lot of debt, I promised Cratchit a rate, like-
3:42 Griffin McElroy? My business is ruined. My business is ruined.
3:45 Travis McElroy? I'm ruined.
3:46 Griffin McElroy? I'm ruined from, also, I think the second-
3:48 Travis McElroy? The minister's cat is like, "Go ahead, Uncle Scrooge."
3:51 Griffin McElroy? I'm ruined.
3:51 Travis McElroy? I can't.
3:52 Griffin McElroy? I'm ruined.
3:53 Travis McElroy? I simply cannot.
3:54 Griffin McElroy? I have nothing. I think the first time-
3:57 Travis McElroy? Are there whorehouses and workhouses and stuff? Because I need to go. I need to go to one. Yes.
4:02 Griffin McElroy? It's funny. I never thought for me.
4:05 Travis McElroy? He shows up. He shows up the next day at the Cratchit's. He's like, "Listen, Bob. I know I talked to Big Game about helping get Tiny Tim well, and I would love to hit you back on that, but I am bereft, my man. I gave it all away. I got nothing."
4:19 Griffin McElroy? I spent your son's legs medicine money on big turkey money, and now I don't, I can't do it anymore.
4:24 Travis McElroy? You guys like that? That turkey was great, though, right?
4:27 Griffin McElroy? Great turkey, though, right? Filled his belly up.
4:30 Travis McElroy? Do you have any of that left? Because I am feeling a white peckish.
4:33 Griffin McElroy? Hmm, I'll drink-
4:34 Travis McElroy? Because of the hard times.
4:35 Griffin McElroy? I'll drink a broth of the bones, Bob. I have nothing. I've given-
4:39 Travis McElroy? Anything you've got, man.
4:40 Griffin McElroy? These ghosts have taken everything from me.
4:42 Travis McElroy? I could be your son. I'm better than Tiny Tim. I'll arm wrestle that motherfucker.
4:47 Griffin McElroy? I'll be your new son. I know how to change myself.
4:50 Travis McElroy? Evy Cratchit, they'll call me.
4:52 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, sweet Evy. The eighty-five-year-old son of Bob Cratchit.
4:56 Travis McElroy? What's that? You don't want someone that communes with ghosts? I understand. This is a very superstitious era.
5:02 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
5:03 Travis McElroy? And, uh, yeah.
5:04 Griffin McElroy? Oh, you're burning me. I'm being burned.
5:06 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. Yeah.
5:07 Griffin McElroy? I am being burned.
5:08 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair.
5:09 Griffin McElroy? There's also no scene in the show where Ebenezer Scrooge, like, comes up to someone and is like, "What's up? Take this little ham. I'm good now." And the person's like, "Actually, still fuck you, though. Like, you really have been a monster for a long time." I think someone puts up a little bit of resistance to Scrooge's kind of transformation, and he's gonna be like, "Wait a minute. What? This isn't su- what? You didn't, you didn't hear the thing about where the ghosts serve me good?"
5:36 Travis McElroy? Here's a doll that I bought for you. I'm forty-two years old. You ruined my business.
5:41 Griffin McElroy? Forgive, you have to forgive me. This is a doll. That's child logic, Scrooge.
5:46 Travis McElroy? That may be completely fair, because the other unifying factor of every Christmas Carol story is that they cannot let you know what Scrooge is spending at the end. They have to invent all kinds of currencies. You know what I mean? Always like, "And there's three talents for the duck, and here's ten crowns, and for, for this, sixty pence. How much?" Nobody knows, dude. He's just chucking coins.
6:10 Griffin McElroy? Fifteen million zenny for the biggest, fattest Christmas goose.
6:15 Travis McElroy? Do you accept those?
6:16 Griffin McElroy? Those choco boos. A fatter choco boos my zenny can purchase.
6:22 Travis McElroy? It also occurred to me this year for the first time, I'm 42 years old, I've watched so many Christmas carols, that the implication of Jacob Marley telling Ebenezer Scrooge that your chain is even bigger and heavier than mine. Is that there is another end of that, where there is somebody who has committed very minor sins against humanity, who has like a chain of like paper loops or something, you know? And it's like, yeah, man, you gotta carry this around. And it's like, okay, yeah, cool, man.
6:54 Travis McElroy? I gotta tell you guys, I swapped roles with Tim Eer this year. WSAC's own anchor, Tim Eer. And this year, he's Jacob Marley and I'm Scrooge. Last year it was reversed. And
7:06 Travis McElroy? So it's like a really slow, like played out true west kind of thing?
7:10 Travis McElroy? Yeah, exactly.
7:11 Travis McElroy? Once a year, we switch, yeah.
7:13 Travis McElroy? We barely know our own lines and we kind of barely know each other's lines. Um, no, but he said, he came and he's like, Justin, check these out. And he holds up his chains and he is very clearly being brought down by the weight of them. I'm like, what, Tim, what? I said, I went to Huntington Steel and I told him, I'm gonna play Jacob Marley, I need, I need chains. And they're like, yeah, we can make you some chains. And they're, so they, they made his chains. And it's like such a great commercial for Huntington's Own, Huntington Steel.
7:44 Travis McElroy? In the words of Lawrence Olivier, I believe, try acting. You don't, yeah, you don't have to, Tim, but then again, then Tim gets swole. Because by the end of the run, he takes the chains off and he's dunking over everyone.
7:56 Travis McElroy? So scary.
7:57 Travis McElroy? Last night, last night, here's, here's, here's Tim Eer's dedication to method. Last night is our final rehearsal before the show. Tim Eer is wearing gym shorts, a t-shirt, chains and a mouthful of green blood that he barfs on me for no reason. That I can discern and with no warning.
8:15 Travis McElroy? This sounds like a good show.
8:17 Travis McElroy? With no fear, Tim Eer.
8:18 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
8:19 Travis McElroy? And is it fake green blood or? It's still standing the stage of the city hall auditorium. So hopefully you can check it out for yourself.
8:28 Griffin McElroy? Did you have to switch roles with him because most of Scrooge's role in the show is to be scared of ghosts? And that is simply not an emotion that Timmy is capable of even emulating.
8:39 Travis McElroy? How much time? If you're playing Scrooge, you're basically just sad about your girlfriend and like listening to ghosts.
8:45 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, man.
8:46 Travis McElroy? That's pretty much it.
8:46 Griffin McElroy? That's basically.
8:46 Travis McElroy? And you gotta be scared a lot.
8:48 Travis McElroy? And then being in pretty strict denial when Ghost of Christmas Future shows up. And you're like, whose grave is that? That could be anybody's grave, right, man? I know that this whole evening is kind of centered around this guy. So that's just some stranger's grave, right?
9:02 Griffin McElroy? I know I'm 75 years old and it's the dark ages, but that can't possibly be my grave.
9:09 Travis McElroy? Oh, Abonezer's Garage, hey? Hmm, some stranger, huh?
9:14 Travis McElroy? I don't think so.
9:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah? There's snow all over it or whatever.
9:18 Travis McElroy? I do this one different. I distract the Ghost of Christmas Future and then I flee into the audience and then I become one of them. And then it becomes kind of an interactive game where you have to find Scrooge.
9:29 Travis McElroy? And one of the audience has to die.
9:31 Travis McElroy? And one of the audience has to die. Hey, this is an advice show and Travis has gathered some of your candlelight's questions because it is our holiday still.
9:41 Griffin McElroy? We're gonna cuss on this. We did very, we did our best not during the show, the live show, which you can now watch on demand whenever the hell you want to.
9:50 Travis McElroy? This is Candlelight XXX.
9:53 Griffin McElroy? That URL is bit.ly/candlelight2025. You can watch it anytime from now until January 4th, on demand, at your leisure and ringing the holidays right with us and some of our buddies and family members.
10:07 Travis McElroy? Friends at my school bring in treats and gift bags that represent the special holidays their families celebrate. What types of things should I put in a gift bag for Candlelight's? I am in second grade. That's from Candle Knights Celebrant Killian.
10:21 Griffin McElroy? Ooh, hell yeah. This is... There's not, the problem is there's not a lot of props from Candle Knights that can fit in a school bag. A lot of the stuff we deal with is big stuff. Big bush, big bushes. Um, very, very, very long candles. That's sort of like a-
10:39 Travis McElroy? I think a Buick.
10:41 Griffin McElroy? A Buick is part of it, yeah. Um...
10:44 Travis McElroy? Maybe just bring them a Fortnite. Fortnite is-
10:47 Travis McElroy? A Fortnite like a card?
10:49 Travis McElroy? No, I mean, whatever Fortnite is, just bring them one of those. That's very Candle Knights related. We did do Candle Knights Fortnite tie-in this year. I think that went through, right?
10:59 Travis McElroy? Did that go through? I think that might have got held up in development hell.
11:03 Travis McElroy? Nooo.
11:04 Travis McElroy? Or Ms. Dev hell, maybe.
11:06 Griffin McElroy? They were too busy with the Simpsons stuff and they said, "Sorry, boys, maybe next year." But they've been kicking this can down the road for four, five years or something. It's... Um, I don't think-
11:16 Travis McElroy? I gotta be honest, Killian, you just gotta bring in a bunch of Licorice Made, you know? It's like, it doesn't- I love for you to represent our fake holiday, but you're in second grade and you got a lot of life to live. What you should do is just bring in enough Licorice Made Fun Dip for everybody. And if you give everybody Licorice Made Fun Dip, maybe it's got Christmas tree on it, maybe it doesn't, I don't care, they won't either.
11:38 Griffin McElroy? They don't-
11:38 Travis McElroy? They're just gonna be so stoked that Killian brought Licorice Made Fun Dip.
11:41 Travis McElroy? And maybe a $5 bill in each bag?
11:44 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Well, Killian's not gonna bring in a bunch of cash, I don't think. And I'm not sure, are they still doing Licorice Made Fun Dip?
11:51 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah.
11:51 Griffin McElroy? Maybe. Yeah.
11:52 Travis McElroy? Okay.
11:53 Travis McElroy? Oh, yeah.
11:53 Travis McElroy? Just because you won't buy your kids cool shit doesn't mean that the rest of us aren't enjoying Licorice Made Fun Dip and candy cigarettes.
11:59 Travis McElroy? And Griffin, if you don't have any, I could go around my living room and just kinda shake out my couch cushions to get- Probably at least two packages worth that my children have just left all over the place.
12:10 Travis McElroy? You could also go to any Sitgo in Hurken, West Virginia, and there are rows and rows of them. Just-
12:16 Travis McElroy? Of Kid Shaw. No, Kid Shaw, sorry. Kid Shaw is, uh, is Major League Cheer. So, I, I guess, Licorice Made is teaching you to chop it up into lines, I guess?
12:27 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
12:28 Travis McElroy? Do you think the first guy that had-
12:31 Travis McElroy? Do you think the first guy that tried Big Leech Chew? He brings it into the dugout, puts a huge wand in, right? He's chewing it. And the other guy's like, cool. That guy's cool. And then he's like, still chewing it. They're like, Greg? You have to stop. That's disgusting, dude. You're doing it wrong. You're actively chomping it. He's like, Greg, stop, dude. You're gonna get sick. And it just blows a big bubble and they're like, wizard! You made it pink, dude. You screwed up. You're sick. Is that your gums? Your tongue's expanding rapidly. Your gums are falling out.
13:06 Griffin McElroy? I had an airplane neighbor tuck a zen in while they were sitting next to me on the flight. I realized that I don't really know what happens to those in the mouth. I've never done one. I know everyone's pretty wild about these things. Does it just kinda loose leaf tea in there? Or does it?
13:24 Travis McElroy? Just park them. Park them. Park them and let them steep.
13:27 Travis McElroy? So take your second grade classmates a bunch of zen, I guess.
13:30 Griffin McElroy? I wouldn't do any of that. Here's the thing, Killian. You can, Candle Knights is a pan-religious, pan... I don't wanna say that part because you're in second grade, personal pan holiday. It can be whatever you want it to be. Put whatever you want to in this bag. Maybe it's like made fun dip. Maybe it's...
13:46 Travis McElroy? Stickers. Kids love that shit.
13:49 Griffin McElroy? And guess what? That's part of the canon now. It's a big, big umbrella over here.
13:53 Travis McElroy? Do you guys know how many times in the week leading up to Candle Knights? Long time friends and family would come up to, came up to me and said, is this something in Candle Knights? And I would have to like really think like, I actually have to go check a Wikipedia page. Excuse me for a second because it is, there's a lot in there and I have to go look.
14:14 Griffin McElroy? We had a night...
14:14 Travis McElroy? Also, it can be PS if you want to.
14:16 Griffin McElroy? Sure, it can. Anything can be.
14:17 Travis McElroy? Chuck it in there.
14:18 Griffin McElroy? We had a night where we were picking up some of like the set stuff from the storage facility for, is it Heart? Heart in the Park? Or, yeah. So the outdoor theater, so all these like play props, backgrounds, set dressing, just walking through there with a group of like 20 people and kids and just being like, is this?
14:41 Travis McElroy? This a candle? Here's some boxing gloves. Is this a candlelight? Here's a big green door from the Wizard of Oz when you go in the Emerald City. Is this anything? Is this something? Here's a whole ass TARDIS. Could this be a candlelight? Oh, the TARDIS was, I felt very, uh, this is a good story. So I built a TARDIS two years ago and it went to a fantasy maze thing and then it got stored at that building. And, and it got buried with sets and I didn't, I couldn't get it. But then there was, there was 20 people there at that building and then I looked at everybody there. I was like, you know what would be so cool in the lobby? If you came to, if you came to candlelights and you're wondering why the TARDIS was in the lobby, it is because it was a way station between there and my house. That's awesome.
15:25 Travis McElroy? That's labor embezzlement, Justin. Yes, I have smuggled, um, oh God, which reminds me, the clown box is at the building. I have to go get it. It's at the Keith Albee still? No, sir. It's at the storage building. I have to go get it and put it in my home. Maybe leave it there. It's, you don't have to be. Put it in your home, Justin. You wouldn't love it, right? Imagine, guys, if it was like right here. I don't. Here's what you do, Justin. You're gonna get the clown box. You're gonna put it just out of frame and then you're gonna move it like half an inch a year, slowly into frame. The long game.
15:55 Travis McElroy? That's awesome.
15:56 Travis McElroy? That's so. Well, we're gonna be doing this for a hundred years. I'm just wondering how drunk I can get at my work holiday party. They specifically picked Friday so we could start the party at 12 and not have to work after. Meaning drinking is allowed at the party. It's a bar slash arcade thing. The thing is, I don't really know the people that well at the party. I only work one day a week in person, meaning I do not see these people that much. I would consider us acquaintances. Is that better or worse if I get absolutely, excuse me, if I get absolutely tabled in front of them? I have not heard that before. In my defense, absolutely tabled is a lot. Yeah. In front of them. Partying hard in Pittsburgh is who that's from. Um.
16:42 Travis McElroy? Boy. I mean, obviously this answer is gonna be different for everybody. You have to know thyself.
16:49 Travis McElroy? Are you cool to, are you a cool hang? Yeah. That is a huge one. That's the real question, right? Cause you're not, the question isn't how much alcohol can you put into your body? Yeah. It's what level of behavior can you hit? Yeah. And still be cool. God, that's such a fine line though, because you have to be.
17:12 Travis McElroy? You need those inhibitions, don't you? I mean, nobody wants the inhibitions until...
17:16 Griffin McElroy? Don't go out in the rain.
17:19 Travis McElroy? Nobody wants to get rained on all the time.
17:21 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you're wet now. Cool.
17:23 Travis McElroy? You're wet now.
17:24 Griffin McElroy? Great.
17:24 Travis McElroy? Uh oh.
17:25 Griffin McElroy? What are you gonna do about that?
17:26 Travis McElroy? You didn't think about that, did you?
17:28 Griffin McElroy? I, I remember very, very, very distinctly a Halloween party I went to probably 10 years ago in Austin at a friend's house. I was dressed up as Sonic the Hedgehog and um, I got, I drank too much. I drank, I drank way too much. This is before, you know, we had kids and um, and my friends were leaving the party and I pretend to do a spin attack like Sonic does and jumped in their backseat of their car and was like, "Hey, can you take me home?" And then after that, after that, I got out of the car the next morning. I had a thought, which was, maybe I'm not a cool hang
18:13 Griffin McElroy? at a certain degree. And I don't think I ever, ever got that drunk again for the rest of my whole life. That was my Christmas Carol, that event. So if you know the boundaries for yourself, I think go nuts. Um, but I'm also uncomfortable telling anyone to get, get fucked up or tabled, as you said on this podcast that's being recorded.
18:35 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I mean, you know, I think the answer here is to just not be the drunkest person there.
18:42 Griffin McElroy? Always the goal.
18:43 Travis McElroy? I'm thinking about it. If there's, if there's one person that's like going
18:46 Griffin McElroy? Sure.
18:47 Travis McElroy? real hard, you can feel pretty comfortable not be, in fact, you may be sort of a median that that person needs. You know what I mean? You may need something in the middle that like, you know, I wasn't so terrible. Jerry kinda got a little bit messed up if memory serves.
19:01 Griffin McElroy? Oh, that's nice.
19:03 Travis McElroy? You're a bridge. We're all, we're all having a lot of fun.
19:07 Griffin McElroy? Now, there another thing that impacts the answer to this question is like, how good are you at arcade games? Because if you get, you can get really, really fucked up. But if you're hitting swishes on that connect for basketball game, like putting them up, no problem knocking them down, Larry Bird, then I think people are gonna sort of talk about you in like a cool way from then on.
19:30 Travis McElroy? Yeah, yeah. As long as you're sinking them. I mean, I think if anything, in the past 20 years, we've learned that like, if you are good at athletics, you can basically get away with whatever you want to.
19:40 Travis McElroy? Especially if you get better with every drink. It's like, well, their average is going up.
19:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, they just connected five. Holy shit.
19:50 Travis McElroy? My wife is the equine manager for a university stable. Each year, we help Santa by putting horse treats in each horse's stocking. The student boarders love walking to horse treats from Santa and sharing in the equine holidays. However, sometimes the horses is helping Santa with the treats. Our question is, how do we make sure the horses continue to believe in Santa and fully understand that we are mere helpers of holiday bliss? That's from your friendly neighborhood Santa helpers.
20:21 Travis McElroy? Can I say, one of my favorite thing, my children, uh, watch children's shows because they're children. And I always enjoy when there's an animal based universe, but still a human Santa. Peppa Pig does this.
20:36 Griffin McElroy? Mickey Mouse does this, Mickey Mouse Club. Yeah, no, you can't have like, you can't have like a fox Santa Claus.
20:42 Travis McElroy? No.
20:43 Griffin McElroy? That's sound, I'm dog Santa. That's fucking crazy, dude.
20:47 Travis McElroy? That if a horse sees Santa, they're not like, why isn't he also a horse? They're like, no, I get it. That's Santa.
20:56 Travis McElroy? Do you think it's just because they don't, like, parents don't want to reckon with cat Santa? Like, they don't want to have to deal with like, the questions. Like, the questions around Santa are already pretty complex. Like, you don't want to have to get into cat Santa.
21:08 Griffin McElroy? Well, with cat Santa, that's easy to explain because like, you're not going to see Santa Claus. He's a pretty sneaky dude by, as a rule. So if that's true, cat Santa.
21:18 Travis McElroy? Oh, my God.
21:19 Griffin McElroy? No one's ever let, this is a, this is a, uh, a creature that is going to be impossible for you to spot.
21:26 Travis McElroy? It would also be really useful if your Christmas tree ever falls over, like, during the night, and you're like, what happened, like, cat Santa?
21:33 Griffin McElroy? Cat Santa.
21:34 Travis McElroy? Cat Santa.
21:35 Griffin McElroy? Now, and-
21:35 Travis McElroy? In Grumpy Cat's worst Christmas ever.
21:38 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
21:38 Travis McElroy? Okay. Tartar Sauce, which is the name of the Grumpy Cat.
21:43 Griffin McElroy? Uh. It's not called, it's not named Grumpy Cat?
21:47 Travis McElroy? No.
21:48 Griffin McElroy? He is a grumpy cat. Why does he have two names? That's crazy.
21:52 Travis McElroy? Nice. Grumpy Cat is a descriptive term.
21:57 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, right, but it's also.
21:58 Travis McElroy? My name's not middlest brother. You know that, right?
22:01 Griffin McElroy? No, but you're not a cat. You're not an online cat. You can have as many names as you want. You've, you've earned it. But the cat has a bunch of different.
22:10 Travis McElroy? You don't think Grumpy Cat's earned it?
22:12 Griffin McElroy? I've just never heard Tartar Sauce before and the thing is not called the Grumpy Cat Tartar Sauce. It's just called Grumpy Cat.
22:20 Travis McElroy? Tartar Sauce is the name of a cat. It performed as Grumpy Cat. It was a character.
22:25 Griffin McElroy? It can't be a character or perform as anything. It's a cat with a cat brain that you can train to do little tricks. But he's not Daniel Day Lewis. He gets one name and that name's Grumpy Cat.
22:38 Travis McElroy? You fucking tell that to Morris the Cat, to Benji, to Lassie? What are you even talking about?
22:44 Griffin McElroy? To Lassie? Lassie, the dog Lassie.
22:48 Travis McElroy? Was played by a different dog.
22:51 Griffin McElroy? Hmm. I think they should just call it.
22:53 Travis McElroy? In May 2013, Grumpy Cat Limited partnered with Grenade Beverage LLC to market the Gruppochino iced coffee beverages.
23:03 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
23:03 Travis McElroy? Then in December 2015, Grumpy Cat Limited filed a lawsuit against Grenade Beverages LLC citing trademark infringement with the beverage company. Expanded its line of Grumpy Cat coffee offerings beyond what was originally agreed upon, producing and marketing a Grumpy Cat roasted coffee, ground coffee. Even after being told by email that they were not approved to do so. So if you picked up that ground, that ground Grumpy Cat coffee, good news. You got a counterfeit unlicensed.
23:30 Griffin McElroy? I take it back. I take it back. Grumpy Cat can have as many names as you want. I don't want Grumpy Cat coming after me in a sort of legal, illegal arena.
23:38 Travis McElroy? That's right. Besides, Tartar Sauce died in 2019, so you don't have to worry about it.
23:42 Griffin McElroy? Oh, man.
23:44 Travis McElroy? So horses see you delivering presents.
23:48 Griffin McElroy? Right.
23:48 Travis McElroy? Okay.
23:50 Travis McElroy? Are you in costume? Are you yourself?
23:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, there's, there's a question of investment because like you could also just have someone else put these presents in and have them look like elves or whatever. If you're worried the horses are gonna see you and be like, wait a minute, you live here. You're not one of Santa's helpers.
24:06 Travis McElroy? Cause you probably don't have a fireplace and a chimney in the stables, right?
24:10 Griffin McElroy? Probably not, that seems like wildly unsafe. There's a lot of hay in there.
24:15 Travis McElroy? So they would have to be delivered inside.
24:18 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
24:18 Travis McElroy? If you'd sold your horses on Horse Santa, then you could have done this with very little worry because they would never assume that a human would help Horse Santa. But if they think human Santa and they see you doing, they're gonna put two and two together. You know what I mean? Like they're gonna draw their own conclusions. Like, I know it's kinda shitty to assume all humans know each other, but like that's how horses are sometimes.
24:42 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
24:42 Travis McElroy? Yeah. I feel terrible because my first impulse was to think surely the reindeer are responsible for the horses. But then it's like, why would I assume that?
24:52 Griffin McElroy? They are not their brothers keeper. Also, who pulls Horse Santa's sleigh? Do you think he's been working on that for a while, trying to fit like testing out some other? Just nude humans?
25:02 Travis McElroy? Dang dude. Nude humans is...
25:04 Griffin McElroy? On my horse.
25:05 Travis McElroy? If you're truly naughty, so it goes naughty list, Cole. Really naughty, Santa takes presents away. Super naughty, you have to pull Horse Santa's sleigh nude in the winter weather.
25:17 Griffin McElroy? Nude Christmas beast of birds.
25:19 Travis McElroy? Antlers grow out of your head.
25:21 Griffin McElroy? Grow out of you. It's cool.
25:24 Travis McElroy? You become incredibly well endowed.
25:26 Griffin McElroy? Wow.
25:27 Travis McElroy? You have bat wings, huge leathery bat wings.
25:29 Griffin McElroy? Hell, yeah, actually, hold on, I'm coming around.
25:32 Travis McElroy? The one, the one fae alchemist that can set your heart free. This winter, hearts ablaze.
25:39 Griffin McElroy? Yes.
25:40 Travis McElroy? From Big Giant Head, LLC, the romanticy books you've been waiting for.
25:44 Griffin McElroy? Won't you guide my heart tonight?
25:46 Travis McElroy? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho?
25:49 Griffin McElroy? Oh, my God, yes.
25:51 Travis McElroy? We do them five times.
25:53 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
25:54 Travis McElroy? Only a few of them were the Santa kind.
25:56 Griffin McElroy? Get in the sack.
25:58 Travis McElroy? A wink? We don't need it anymore, but let's go to the money zone. Hooves beats and heartbeats. Okay, go on.
26:04 Griffin McElroy? Damn it.
26:05 Travis McElroy? Damn.
26:05 Griffin McElroy? That's good. We're rich.
26:07 Travis McElroy? Damn, Daniel. Done it again.
26:19 Travis McElroy? And he gotta be zocdoc, don't you gotta find the best doctor?
26:26 Travis McElroy? Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy, paid endorser for zocdoc. You know, uh, it can be a real pain in the butt.
26:33 Travis McElroy? Say that enough. Sometimes people must think we're just big fans of these companies, but we're paid to talk about them.
26:38 Travis McElroy? Yeah, no, I'm a paid endorser, but also a client for zocdoc. Because, uh, I needed somebody to work on my butt. And when I needed the best butt specialist in town, you know where I turn zocdoc? Because they can help you find doctors that take your insurance, are located nearby, and are a good fit for any medical needs you might have. And it's a free app.
26:59 Travis McElroy? I noticed if I could interrupt real quick, I never do this.
27:03 Travis McElroy? The ad to say something. Yeah, please go ahead.
27:05 Travis McElroy? The speed at which you went from when I needed someone to work on my butt, do you know where I turned to zocdoc? There was no air in there. Did you maybe on some level know that Griffin and I might inject some kind of funny punchline there?
27:20 Travis McElroy? Only, only on this show could professionalism be mistaken for Machiavellian tactics. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, no, Travis, for sure.
27:30 Travis McElroy? Fucking pro.
27:31 Travis McElroy? And once it starts flowing, it's not stopped unless, I don't know, my younger brother wants to get his fingers all over me.
27:38 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I mean, man, I recognize when you're. Fingers in your butt at all, Justin.
27:42 Travis McElroy? When I see you in flow state, dude, I just step back.
27:46 Travis McElroy? What else can you do?
27:48 Travis McElroy? What else can you do? Light up a stogie and just watch him fucking do it. He's on fire again. Okay, listen.
27:56 Travis McElroy? Zocdoc.
27:57 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
27:58 Travis McElroy? I forgot. You've like, I suck snap.
28:00 Travis McElroy? Damn it, dude. You know, when Justin needed someone to work on his butt, do you know where he turned? A mechanic. And I said, Justin, don't do that. Go to zocdoc. And he did it.
28:12 Travis McElroy? He did. He went to zocdoc. It's a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. Gosh, I've done this so many freaking times here in DC. Gosh, it's been a real lifesaver here trying to, just a little guy trying to make it in the big city. Yeah, find somebody, find somebody to look at his, uh, you know, his polyps and whatever.
28:35 Griffin McElroy? Thank, thank you, Zocdoc for helping.
28:37 Travis McElroy? So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com/MyBrother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash MyBrother, zocdoc.com slash MyBrother. You know, when I'm looking for ready to eat meals in under two minutes, there's only one factor I consider, and that's factor.
29:03 Griffin McElroy? That was awesome. Thank you. Took a lot out of me.
29:07 Travis McElroy? Um, do you? Factors chef-prepped, dietitian-approved meals are designed to make it easy to stay balanced and energized through the most indulgent time of the year, which is, I assume, now?
29:17 Griffin McElroy? Yes, can't you tell?
29:19 Travis McElroy? No? I mean, maybe April. I've, I go pretty ham in April.
29:25 Griffin McElroy? I'm soaking a foot bath of clarified butter right now. That's how I do a decadent holiday.
29:31 Travis McElroy? Unlike meal kits, they require prep and cooking. Factor delivers fully prepared, ready to eat meals in just two minutes. And they've got all kinds of different options in there. Uh, seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost, and you can savor global flavors. What? That rhymes.
29:50 Griffin McElroy? I'm looking at the menu right now. We got cremini mushrooms and meatballs with cream cheese, potato mash, and broccoli and carrots. That shit looks so very good. I'm looking at Tuscan pesto baked salmon with white beans, spinach, potatoes, and broccoli. These look so delish, guys. Scrumy.
30:09 Travis McElroy? So don't eat.
30:10 Griffin McElroy? Scrumy?
30:10 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Don't eat farts. Eat smart at factormeals.com/Brother50off and use code Brother50off, uh, to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's code Brother50off at factormeals.com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. This exclusive holiday offer won't last. Lock in your savings before the new year rush. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. I realized that there's stuff we have to re-verbatim, but they don't have rules about the two words you can say before you read.
30:50 Griffin McElroy? Before, you can say anything before or after the stuff. So you can say stuff, like, I'll tell you guys right now, listening at home, because you can't see the ad copy, it didn't say, "Don't eat farts."
31:00 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
31:01 Griffin McElroy? Travis said that and just like it let it sit, but it's just fine because then he said all the stuff he's supposed to say after that.
31:07 Travis McElroy? I like to add stuff into the ad and then see if they update ad copy later for like things not to mention.
31:14 Griffin McElroy? It's a fun game, yeah.
31:17 Travis McElroy? In hindsight, well, there's no rule that said he couldn't say, don't eat farts. So we're gonna add that on, but we can't grandfather it in, so.
31:27 Speaker 05 Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint, she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.
32:10 Speaker 06 Hello?
32:11 Speaker 07 Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.
32:14 Speaker 06 No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.
32:16 Speaker 07 It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.
32:21 Speaker 06 I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?
32:40 Speaker 07 Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.
32:41 Speaker 06 Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.
32:47 Speaker 07 Simply go to MaximumFun.org.
32:49 Speaker 06 I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!
32:55 Travis McElroy? Throw your clothes into the fire.
32:58 Griffin McElroy? Oh shit, what?
33:00 Travis McElroy? Throw your wine into the tree.
33:04 Griffin McElroy? Why?
33:06 Travis McElroy? Put the dog in the closet for a while. That's a Christmas to me. That's a Christmas to me.
33:21 Travis McElroy? That's a Christmas to me.
33:27 Travis McElroy? You and me and Greg and Rebecca and a tree.
33:30 Travis McElroy? What? He's flowing, dude.
33:33 Travis McElroy? That's a Christmas to me. Hi, this is a Christmas.
33:39 Travis McElroy? Fucking chop it up, dude. Yeah, man, that was wonderful. Everybody clear that chat.
33:44 Travis McElroy? I realized that I was, this incredible game where I have invented some Hallmark movies, but also have included some real plots from Hallmark movies. I realized that I was compromising it by reading them. Because by reading these plots, I am going to, with my inflection or my, you know, my micro expressions. Now that we have video, you're gonna be able to tell.
34:11 Travis McElroy? So I'm gonna send. That's all we have to go on.
34:13 Travis McElroy? So I'm gonna send you guys the descriptions.
34:17 Travis McElroy? Oh, I see.
34:18 Travis McElroy? And then you're gonna read them, okay? And then you two can figure out.
34:22 Travis McElroy? That's smart.
34:23 Travis McElroy? You're not gonna have me putting any, you know, English.
34:27 Travis McElroy? And then you're gonna guess which one's real?
34:29 Travis McElroy? No.
34:30 Travis McElroy? That's weird, cuz you made them.
34:31 Travis McElroy? I'm just, I can't participate. That would be wild.
34:34 Travis McElroy? Oh, so then people are gonna call in and do like phone polls and stuff to guess.
34:38 Travis McElroy? Uh, Travis, you're up.
34:41 Travis McElroy? This is Oi to the World premieres Sunday, December 14th. Stars Brooke De Orsay and Jake Epstein. After a waterline at a temple breaks, the members celebrate Hanukkah at an Episcopal church. But since Christmas Eve falls on the same day, each choir director must set aside their old rivalry and collaborate. There's so much story that comes in there at the end.
35:07 Travis McElroy? Yeah, they sneak a lot of the story in at the end with this one.
35:10 Travis McElroy? Travis, what do you think? Oh, yeah, water main breaks, okay, they have to go to, okay, that's a movie. But then there's an old rivalry between choir directors. That's a Hallmark movie, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I, do you have a guess, Travis? I don't think it's real.
35:28 Griffin McElroy? I know it is actually real. We talked about it on Wonderful.
35:31 Travis McElroy? Oh, okay. I've been compromised by your, yes, it is real. Oi to the world is a real Hallmark film with Brooke Orsay and Jake Epstein, who's had to be having a rough couple of years, but I hope he's hanging in there.
35:48 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
35:49 Travis McElroy? I realized that I think I was giving Hallmark too much credit where I was like, oi to the world. I don't know. It seems reductive. It seems to be making fun of. Yeah. So that couldn't be real.
36:01 Griffin McElroy? It is. No, they did. It is real. It's real.
36:03 Travis McElroy? All right, Griffin, next up.
36:05 Griffin McElroy? Let's see, we got
36:08 Griffin McElroy? A Limitless Christmas.
36:14 Travis McElroy? I don't want to give, Griffin. Sorry, I'm trying to keep my, I'm going to turn off my camera. No, I'll keep.
36:20 Griffin McElroy? A limitless Christmas. And remember, Trav. We gotta guess, we gotta guess.
36:27 Travis McElroy? And Griffin. Okay.
36:29 Griffin McElroy? So this is A Limitless Christmas starring Brad Lee Cooper.
36:35 Travis McElroy? I was hoping you wouldn't notice that. They were hoping you would notice that.
36:38 Griffin McElroy? Von Wintzberg. President Eddie Mora may have weaned himself off of NZT 48 following the events of Limitless, but when the big man in the north can't say Santa, legal thing in brackets, finds Blitzen dead and Mrs. Claus, Von Wintzberg, kidnapped, he turns to the only man smart enough to be both naughty and nice.
37:01 Travis McElroy? Oh, he figured out a way.
37:03 Griffin McElroy? Production note, per ongoing litigation with CBS, the events of the Limitless TV series will not be referenced in A Limitless Christmas.
37:11 Travis McElroy? Okay, I was gonna ask, yeah.
37:14 Travis McElroy? This is tough because there have been a lot, we've seen Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special. We've seen, you know, Buddy the elf's musical Christmas. So it's not out of the realm of possibility that a big Hollywood film would be adapted into a
37:27 Griffin McElroy? No, for sure. And of all of them, to get the adaptation, I do think Limitless is the, is, it can't be like a silver lining. Playbook Christmas.
37:39 Travis McElroy? No.
37:39 Griffin McElroy? Because they did actually kind of wrap that one up with a nice little bow.
37:43 Travis McElroy? Silver and gold linings playbook and it's just more about.
37:48 Griffin McElroy? Oh, the names are great, Travis. I'm saying that they completed the arc. I don't want to touch that world. Leave it. It's perfect.
37:54 Travis McElroy? But limitless, there's N Z T forty nine, fifty, fifty one.
37:59 Griffin McElroy? Yeah. Meat on the bone.
38:01 Travis McElroy? Uh, Travis, you're up. You know, Justin, I do have a singing suspicion. It's not real. First though, I need you to devote. I choose to live in a world in which I think it's real.
38:13 Griffin McElroy? Oh, uh.
38:14 Travis McElroy? I choose to live in a world in which I think it's real.
38:18 Griffin McElroy? No, I want to live in Travis's world too. It's not, but I want it to be.
38:21 Travis McElroy? It's sorry. I made up a limitless Christmas. Ah, damn it.
38:26 Travis McElroy? Is there another one for me here? Yes, it's in Slack. I said it to you directly this time. Okay. Christmas at the catnip cafe. After a marketing executive discovers she's inherited a cat cafe from her aunt. She wants to sell the property so she can afford the down payment on her dream condo. Conflict arises when a veterinarian who owns the other half of the cafe is on intent on keeping it afloat. Now, Justin.
38:50 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
38:50 Travis McElroy? We did all watch this movie together in your home. When we came together to record.
38:57 Griffin McElroy? Watch is an interesting verb to use there, Travis. It was maybe more than any other film I've ever watched, just kind of happening.
39:06 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
39:07 Griffin McElroy? Around.
39:07 Travis McElroy? It was incidental.
39:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it was.
39:10 Travis McElroy? We did, didn't we?
39:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it was like watching a movie uh from someone sitting two rows in front of you, catty corner on the aisle of an airplane.
39:18 Travis McElroy? It was like watching a movie that someone else is watching in the movie that you're watching.
39:23 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
39:24 Travis McElroy? Uh, so what do you think? So I did think it's real, Jayman.
39:29 Griffin McElroy? It is real. It's also, it's so obvious that some maker of these fine holiday films ran out of things that to do holiday films about and then like their, their nephew told them about cat cafes and they're like, I can Christmas that up. I.
39:46 Griffin McElroy? Cat cafe, veterinarian, hot veterinarian, good to go. Yeah, that's not.
39:51 Travis McElroy? Well, it's three hoppers set up. Small town something.
39:54 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
39:55 Travis McElroy? Meets big town something at a blank.
39:57 Griffin McElroy? Right.
40:00 Travis McElroy? So what did you think?
40:02 Griffin McElroy? Real? Yeah, we watched it together. All right, Griffin, you're up. This is a Grand Ole Opry Christmas. It premieres Saturday, November 29th. And I'm gonna, a lot of these names, I'm not gonna do goodbye, but here we go. It stars Nikki Deloach, Christopher Palah, Palah, Rob Mays, Eliza Mayer, Luke Binward, Sharon Lawrence, and James Denton. That's a huge cat. Why did, why are there that many names above the? Great question. I just kept, kept writing them.
40:32 Travis McElroy? A grand old question.
40:34 Griffin McElroy? Plot with plenty of appearances from famous country artists like Brad Paisley, Megan Maroney, Rhett Atkins, and more. This Hallmark holiday movie tells the tale of a songwriter who abandons her passion after her late father. A country music icon dies in a tragic accident. But when the Grand Ole Opry asks her to honor her father's legacy, she time travels back in time when her father was still alive. I had it locked in until those last two little bits there. She time travels back in time when her, what is that? The Grand Ole Opry says, will you please honor your father's legacy in a holiday concert? And she travels back in time to when her father was still alive? That's not unused.
41:18 Travis McElroy? SFX, I think, budget, a big special effects budget.
41:21 Griffin McElroy? Damn, man. I didn't expect a real one to slip, a real hard one to slip in here, because I don't know.
41:27 Travis McElroy? I want to say it's fake because I think they would have called it like Grand New Opry or had some play on time travel in the title.
41:37 Griffin McElroy? Um, I'm gonna say it's real just because the fact that it came out November 29th feels really out of pocket to me.
41:46 Travis McElroy? It's real. That's a real Grand Ole Opry Christmas is a real.
41:49 Griffin McElroy? How does, what is the vehicle through which she travels back in time? I'm curious.
41:53 Travis McElroy? It's a Cadillac Seville, 1967 Cadillac Seville that has the Giga Watt stuff. Back to the future.
42:02 Griffin McElroy? Whoa, it just has the Back to the Future stuff?
42:03 Travis McElroy? It just has the back, it says, the doctor, Doc Brown, his name is in it. He's like, it's got the. From Back to the Future.
42:11 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
42:11 Travis McElroy? With all the gigawatts.
42:12 Griffin McElroy? I love that. I love. I think they did that in Looper too, when they like, we don't want to explain all the time travel stuff. It's Back to the Future stuff.
42:19 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
42:19 Griffin McElroy? Where we're doing.
42:20 Travis McElroy? Then I watched one that was another time travel one that was a 90s Christmas. Cause I was hoping it would have lots of fun 90s gags, but and I realized you have to pay for those. So it's really just kind of like ugly. You know what it's like? It just looks old and bad. But, uh, the film takes place in 1999.
42:37 Griffin McElroy? Huh?
42:37 Travis McElroy? And she is sent back to try to save a relationship that she didn't nail back then. And make everything good for life. She's sent back in time to 1999.
42:51 Griffin McElroy? Then why not call it like WHY 2K?
42:54 Travis McElroy? Yeah, but here's the thing Travis, the thing that she doesn't do, you know, the thing that I would.
43:00 Griffin McElroy? Any movie where you time travel back before, let's say, the turn of the millennium.
43:05 Travis McElroy? Yeah, before, say, September 10th, 2001.
43:09 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, anywhere from there before.
43:12 Travis McElroy? 99, I feel like you have to ask the question. At least someone has to be like, you can't change this. Like you gotta do something, right?
43:21 Griffin McElroy? You should do something.
43:23 Travis McElroy? I need someone to reboot Quantum Leap specifically for every time Sam Quantum leaps before September 10th, 2001. The first thing he says is like, so I've gotta be here for this reason, right, Al? And Al's like, no, not this time. And he's like, no, Al. You want me to? It gotta be this, right?
43:43 Griffin McElroy? You need me to help this lounge singer become super famous? That's, that's cool and all, Al. Can I write a letter or something to the president now?
43:54 Travis McElroy? Uh, last one, Travis.
44:00 Travis McElroy? Okay. Fuck. My husband is a ghost.
44:06 Travis McElroy? It stars Jennifer Stanton and Everly Westlake.
44:11 Travis McElroy? As the Christian Bible teaches.
44:14 Griffin McElroy? Awesome.
44:14 Travis McElroy? Jennifer, name thing is coincidence. Has waited until marriage to experience physical pleasure with her new husband. But.
44:25 Travis McElroy? When she smooshes through his ectoplasm on their wedding night. She realizes that Beauregard T. Wayne Scotting. The second is in fact, not an extremely dedicated Civil War reenactor. But indeed the ghost of an actual Civil War general. Bad news ladies, he fought on the wrong side. P.S. The events of the film take place on December 21st through 27th, but are not substant-
44:56 Travis McElroy? Substantially festive.
44:58 Griffin McElroy? Okay, it just happens to be set around the holidays.
45:01 Travis McElroy? I think that's what I understood while I was reading it, that it just happens to be set. So it's not, it seems like they kind of made the whole movie and then forgot to make it about Christmas.
45:10 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
45:11 Travis McElroy? And maybe they just kind of were like tying in a Christmas thing at the end.
45:14 Griffin McElroy? It sounds like they have their work cut out for them to turn this guy into a heartthrob.
45:20 Travis McElroy? Yes, now.
45:22 Griffin McElroy? A lot of change.
45:23 Travis McElroy? I do like that the title would imply that the biggest problem to overcome. Is that he's a ghost and don't get me wrong, that is definitely a hurdle that's in there.
45:34 Griffin McElroy? But.
45:35 Travis McElroy? But.
45:36 Griffin McElroy? There's some ideological stumbling blocks that I think would also get, get in the way.
45:42 Travis McElroy? Now he has had like 160 years.
45:45 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, that's crazy.
45:47 Travis McElroy? That's what surprised me about watching it, that, that there is a lot more going on.
45:52 Travis McElroy? Darn it.
45:54 Travis McElroy? Shouldn't have let that slip that I watched it. Well, Justin, since you watched it, can you tell me, does Beauregard T. Wayne Scotting the second? Have a moment where he's like, and also I feel really bad about having fought all this stuff.
46:08 Griffin McElroy? He leads with that.
46:10 Travis McElroy? Okay, that is the first thing he's like.
46:13 Travis McElroy? Listen, there's a lot of cards I gotta lay out on the table right now.
46:18 Griffin McElroy? It'd be awesome if you got-
46:19 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna, I'm gonna say something to you first that out of context is gonna seem strange, but you have to understand something right up front and then we'll get to the ghost stuff.
46:30 Griffin McElroy? I actually was visited by three ghosts last night, but it was just kinda like a chill hang. Cause that's sort of my whole vibe.
46:39 Travis McElroy? My thing. So what do you guys think?
46:41 Griffin McElroy? I don't actually think this is real. I think you didn't watch it and I think you're fibbing to try and trick us into a trap.
46:47 Travis McElroy? I'm gonna have to side with Griffin here. Griffin makes a really convincing argument. I don't think it's real.
46:53 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it's fake. I made it up. It's not real. Yeah, it's not real. I had fun doing it, but-
46:59 Travis McElroy? I'm glad.
47:00 Travis McElroy? Yeah, it was fun to do.
47:02 Griffin McElroy? Hearing it, hearing it.
47:03 Travis McElroy? I like saying smooches through his ectoplasm that-
47:06 Travis McElroy? Travis, when I wrote that, I really felt like I had done something for the day, you know? I felt really good about myself.
47:11 Travis McElroy? Yeah, man.
47:12 Griffin McElroy? Is that describing a sex act with a ghost?
47:14 Travis McElroy? Yeah, that's how I imagined the first time.
47:16 Travis McElroy? I thought about, it was a Black Mirror thing where it was like, what if you did wait till marriage? But then when you smooshed into your partner, you found out that there are ghosts for the first time right there. Was he also waiting till marriage that he didn't know that would happen?
47:29 Travis McElroy? He knew a hundred percent it would happen.
47:32 Travis McElroy? So she smooshed through his ectoplasm, then he handed her a book that said like, let me explain the fact that I am both a ghost and-
47:40 Griffin McElroy? Man, I've wanted to talk to you about this for a long time.
47:43 Travis McElroy? He was oath bound, so he couldn't tell her his true nature because he had sworn an oath to the Avellian gods.
47:48 Travis McElroy? And to Robert E. Lee.
47:50 Travis McElroy? And to Robert E. Lee.
47:51 Griffin McElroy? True love waits.
47:52 Travis McElroy? Who, who he keeps throughout the whole movie is like, but I will say, Lee was a cool dude. And those statues of him were, are really good art.
48:03 Travis McElroy? They're good statues, but-
48:06 Travis McElroy? But, but, but I understand, but I do wanna say, I get it.
48:15 Travis McElroy? What are they gonna do with those statues, though?
48:20 Travis McElroy? No one wants to see or go to waste, Deborah.
48:24 Travis McElroy? I'm just saying, I got a big, uh, big kinda gazebo thing in the back of, uh, my, I believe I'm supposed to call it now an estate. I'm not allowed to say the plant. No, I almost said it.
48:36 Travis McElroy? Deborah, do you not wish to provide a place for the pigeons to roost?
48:43 Travis McElroy? Shouldn't the sparrows be able to rest their wings somewhere, Deborah?
48:47 Travis McElroy? Why not our backyard and our huge commemorative statue of my good friend? Who I do not like. He has some positions that I do not share.
48:59 Travis McElroy? We can put a sign up that says ironic if that makes you feel better.
49:04 Travis McElroy? A small sign, of course, in case the general.
49:07 Travis McElroy? Yeah, he comes around sometimes.
49:10 Travis McElroy? He may come by. Listen, if Robert E. Lee ghost comes by, you have to promise to be cool, Deborah. And you're probably wondering what other ghosts there are. Just us two. Just us two. Me and Robert E. Lee. It's wild. You would think not a bad setup for you. Only he only speaks in riddles, Barbara. And he hasn't come around to maybe issues the way I have. Yeah, we found this weird old cave on a full moon, Barbara. There was a coin and we each touched it and now here we are.
49:46 Travis McElroy? Basic science.
49:49 Travis McElroy? I wrote Pirates of the Caribbean. True story based on my life.
49:55 Travis McElroy? But do I get any credit? Do I get a single thin dime?
49:59 Travis McElroy? No, that's why I'm selling my life story. Fuck, my husband's a ghost. Thank you, based on a true story. My story, my personal story.
50:09 Travis McElroy? Could you also type it out for me because I'm unable to interact with your typewriters and computers and whatnot? Shall we smoosh again, my love?
50:21 Travis McElroy? My neighbors have added a new feature to their exterior holiday decor this year. A 12 foot tall, bright white wooden reindeer. I have to drive by it to get to and from work and it scares the heck out of me. Wow, sorry, I scrolled down. It's really big. Any suggestions for ways to make myself braver? So I don't get jump scared twice a day when I go by it? That's what I'm concerned about comment in Cleveland. I mean, it's a big.
50:44 Griffin McElroy? Guys, this reindeer is bigger than one story of a house. And dramatically lit. Style home. It's dramatically lit. It's, I mean, it is also lit fam. But if I saw.
50:54 Travis McElroy? I see this thing and I want to start circle strafing with a plasma rifle. This thing's, this means trouble.
50:59 Travis McElroy? They have also placed it as though it is considering breach in containment.
51:04 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, it has its chest stuck out proudly as if to say, I'm gonna jump this fucking candy cane.
51:10 Travis McElroy? It is. It's also away from the home. It's not welcoming to the home. It's, it's standing as a proud guard.
51:16 Griffin McElroy? Retreating. Yes.
51:18 Travis McElroy? You know, there's a community, I think it's Norway, maybe where every year they build a giant wicker Christmas goat. And they try to guard it every year and yet every year someone manages to set fire to it and burn it to the ground.
51:33 Griffin McElroy? It's a game. It's a fun game for kids. Guard the goat.
51:39 Travis McElroy? I'm just saying.
51:41 Griffin McElroy? I don't think you should burn this 12 foot tall, bright white reindeer.
51:46 Travis McElroy? Not with all those lights on.
51:47 Griffin McElroy? Despite the fact that it would go up so nice.
51:51 Travis McElroy? And it would go up really cool.
51:53 Griffin McElroy? Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
51:57 Travis McElroy? Yeah, they're just dot, this thing, look at this thing. It's like a lamp. It looks like one of those, a paper lanterns. It's just dying go up.
52:03 Griffin McElroy? It's just die. It wants to.
52:05 Travis McElroy? I'm not even a pyromaniac and I'm.
52:07 Griffin McElroy? No, I don't want it either.
52:08 Travis McElroy? Idea. But over here, don't do it.
52:11 Griffin McElroy? Don't do it, obviously. But it will make it easier for Santa Claus to find their house to land and make presents.
52:17 Travis McElroy? It is wild that, that we didn't get a question like this at Halloween. This person must have a really tough time then, right? If they're getting scared by big reindeer, that's gotta be tough to see like big scarecrows with skull heads all the time.
52:31 Travis McElroy? Well, but at least then, Justin, you're able to know and read in the intention of the thing, right? I see a big scary scarecrow, I know exactly why it's there, it's there to scare me. I see this thing, this thing don't have no eyes or mouth or nothing, there is no emotion conveyed, so I'm able to read, like, place upon this thing any emotion that I feel when looking at it.
52:56 Travis McElroy? This thing looks like it's been oriented this way because ley lines passed through it.
53:01 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
53:02 Travis McElroy? It's a scare, yeah, it's scary. I would push it over three times because with my decorations, that's all it takes for me to decide they're never going up again. Okay. If the wind. So one time, one time, they could be like, it was on me. Yeah. Second time, that's just life. Third time, fuck this thing. Yeah, that's, this thing's too tall. Too tall, too stupid, fuck it.
53:23 Travis McElroy? You could also, I'm looking at the height of this thing relative to the house that it's decorating, sneak under cover of night, lift it up, reorient it so it's staring into the second floor window.
53:34 Travis McElroy? Cool.
53:35 Travis McElroy? Of their own house.
53:36 Travis McElroy? That's cool.
53:37 Travis McElroy? And I think they'll make the decision to take it down.
53:40 Travis McElroy? Yeah. Yeah. No, that, no one wants that. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We call it My Brother, My Brother and Me because that's the name of it and anything else would seem kind of silly. Thank you to everybody that came to Candle Nights. You have the beautiful Keith Albee Theater, it was a wonderful event. You were all so kind to come. If you didn't see it, you can go to bit.oy/candlenights2025, you can still watch it till January 4th, and I think that you're really gonna like it.
54:10 Travis McElroy? I know you're really gonna like it.
54:12 Travis McElroy? I know you're really gonna like it. Also, wanted to let everybody know because of the holiday season, us and our staff, we're going to be, you know, taking a break for the holidays like we do, so. Thank God, dude, I'm exhausted.
54:27 Griffin McElroy? I mean, Candlelight's really takes, it does take you out.
54:30 Travis McElroy? Yeah, and so we're gonna take a break.
54:31 Griffin McElroy? You had to move a whole Tardis.
54:33 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
54:33 Griffin McElroy? I'm still bushed.
54:35 Travis McElroy? I don't know how the doctor does it, but we'll be back January 5th. Back, tickling your funny bones.
54:44 Griffin McElroy? Gosh, that was a gross way to say it.
54:45 Travis McElroy? Yeah, I know. I felt bad about it.
54:48 Griffin McElroy? There's some merch up in the merch store over at macroymerch.com. Got a dice tray and dice tray bundle with some beautiful Taz Balance dice. There's also Candlelight's poster and Candlelight's ornament designed by Scott Hawk. That is up there and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to Harmony House, as will 100% of the proceeds from the ticket sales for Candlelight's, both the live version and the streaming on-demand version. So help, help support Harmony House.
55:19 Griffin McElroy? Sure. How about this fear? And I think this will probably be our last, is this our last fear of the year?
55:26 Griffin McElroy? Last fear of 20 Thunder Drive, and it's a real, this one's a real one. Start your engines. This year, I want to be faster than my fear of cracking an egg and a baby bird falling out.
55:39 Travis McElroy? God. Oh, God, that hits, that hits deep. I've had that one a lot.
55:44 Griffin McElroy? Never happened to me. Never happened to me still.
55:45 Travis McElroy? It's never happened, but like, I think about it.
55:47 Griffin McElroy? Yeah.
55:47 Travis McElroy? I still think about when I got a double yoker. Oh, God.
55:50 Griffin McElroy? Oh, dude.
55:51 Travis McElroy? Oh, my name's Justin McElroy.
55:52 Griffin McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy. Double yoker was the name in France for joker, folie à deux. Which is weird because you would think they would just use that.
56:01 Travis McElroy? Yeah.
56:03 Griffin McElroy? But they used double yoker instead, and it's like, there's not two.
56:06 Travis McElroy? You are the double yoker!
56:09 Griffin McElroy? Why not just call it folie à deux? Like, why did you?
56:13 Travis McElroy? The double yoker, he is throwing again!
56:17 Griffin McElroy? It's crazy. I'm Griffin McElroy.
56:19 Travis McElroy? I'm Travis McElroy. Did I say that? Yeah.
56:20 Griffin McElroy? Yeah, you did.
56:21 Travis McElroy? My favorite brother, he has your ass square on the lips.
56:28 Travis McElroy? Double yoker.
56:37 Speaker 08 Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.
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