Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: Bad Roommate II About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a bad roommate.
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Transcript 11,090 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:01 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Patton.
0:06 Speaker 01 Hi.
0:06 Dax Shepard? Today, we have Bad Roommates, Part Two. Tell us a crazy story about a bad roommate.
0:14 Speaker 01 They're everywhere, these bad roommates. You gotta be careful.
0:18 Dax Shepard? You gotta be careful. What I applaud, and what we loved, was one of our Armcherries was the bad roommate.
0:25 Speaker 01 Oh, I know.
0:26 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that was great.
0:27 Speaker 01 That was.
0:28 Dax Shepard? I really like that. When we have these prompts, people, you know, we do a lot of foreign objects in body, and I'd like to do way more of them.
0:35 Speaker 01 Sure.
0:35 Dax Shepard? But I wouldn't, I really want to hear from someone who had the foreign object in their body. I know that's high risk, but I feel like this is a safe space.
0:42 Speaker 01 It's high risk, low reward.
0:44 Dax Shepard? Sure.
0:45 Speaker 01 But we want it. We still want it.
0:48 Dax Shepard? No reward, maybe. Please enjoy Bad Roommate. We get support from Quince.
0:55 Speaker 01 I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.
1:04 Dax Shepard? I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.
1:26 Speaker 01 $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is, because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.
1:44 Dax Shepard? The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.
1:53 Speaker 01 It's a uniform.
1:54 Dax Shepard? Mm-hmm.
1:55 Speaker 01 And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel-quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully-designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same call. Quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.
2:12 Dax Shepard? Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold, your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that too.
2:48 Speaker 01 That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time, it's giving your body what it needs. So the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop cold water every morning before anything else.
3:01 Dax Shepard? AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.
3:15 Speaker 01 That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.
3:19 Dax Shepard? It's an easy everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, mm, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.
3:29 Speaker 01 Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.
3:36 Dax Shepard? Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax. And for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Expert sent you.
4:22 Dax Shepard? Hello. Oh, there she be.
4:26 Speaker 01 Hi.
4:27 Dax Shepard? Is this Alyssa?
4:28 Speaker 02 This is Alyssa.
4:30 Dax Shepard? Okay, your hair looks phenomenal.
4:32 Speaker 01 It really does. I just got really self-conscious.
4:36 Dax Shepard? Oh, you did? Because it looks so good?
4:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:38 Dax Shepard? Your hair looks great, too.
4:39 Speaker 01 No, it's like not good today.
4:40 Dax Shepard? No, it's good.
4:41 Speaker 01 Don't look at it.
4:42 Speaker 02 You both look great.
4:44 Dax Shepard? Alyssa, where are you?
4:45 Speaker 02 I'm in Sandpoint, Idaho.
4:47 Speaker 01 Ooh.
4:48 Dax Shepard? Sandpoint, Idaho. What's the biggest city close?
4:52 Speaker 02 Spokane, Washington is 30 minutes. The upper Panhandle. I'm like an hour from Canada.
4:58 Speaker 01 Wow, you're close to a lot of things.
5:00 Dax Shepard? Close to Bountiful.
5:01 Speaker 02 Yes, I'm close to Montana, Washington, Canada. I don't know if you're familiar with Coral Lane, Idaho.
5:07 Dax Shepard? Sure, yeah. I'm a member of many white nationalist groups that meet up there.
5:11 Speaker 02 Oh, wonderful.
5:11 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah. We have a couple of annual rides that I attend.
5:16 Speaker 01 Maybe that's your bad roommate story.
5:19 Dax Shepard? Could be.
5:19 Speaker 02 Oh, no.
5:20 Dax Shepard? Are you from there, or did you move there?
5:22 Speaker 02 I'm from here, yeah. I've lived in various other places, but I recently, three years ago, moved back home and I met my now partner, father of my child, soon to be husband.
5:35 Dax Shepard? Wonderful. Okay, so where does your bad roommate story take place?
5:38 Speaker 02 In Spokane, actually. So there is kind of a series of stories about this person leading up to this one story that was kind of like the final straw for me. So this takes place in 2016. I was 23 at the time. I had just moved home from Portland, Oregon. I was living with my parents and I was desperate to not be living with my parents anymore. To give some context, this was a phase in my life. I had a whole head of dreadlocks. I was fully vegan.
6:09 Speaker 01 Oh, fun.
6:11 Dax Shepard? Were you like a Portland street kid? Were you like rolling around in the dirt with the dreads?
6:16 Speaker 02 If this gives any context, the people that I hung out with were the type of people that played the didgeridoo and did hula hoop dancing and fire staff dancing.
6:23 Speaker 01 The didgeridoo?
6:25 Dax Shepard? It's like a hybrid. You know, it's the weird.
6:30 Dax Shepard? I honestly don't know. It's like a big thing that you blow into and it's like tribal.
6:35 Speaker 01 Oh.
6:35 Dax Shepard? This sounds like some weird hybrid of like Rensen folks and Carnival people and Grateful Dead, all mashed into a very politically charged city, Portland.
6:45 Speaker 02 It was a very interesting season in my life and I was in like my whole wellness journey. So I was taking shots of apple cider vinegar every morning and that will come into play later on in the story.
6:56 Dax Shepard? Right.
6:56 Speaker 02 Very health conscious, very natural, very crunchy. So I had moved back to my parents' house, which is in Idaho, but I had a whole friend group in Spokane, only like 30 minutes away. Started dating this guy and obviously we had like a mutual friend group. And there was a girl who was moving out of her house. She was going to go travel and she was looking for someone to take over her lease and her room. And I was going to inherit her roommate. So we seemed like we had enough in common. This is going to be great, you know, she seemed like a cool girl. We had hung out a couple of times. Very quickly I noticed this person was kind of lacking social cues, the ability to kind of understand etiquette, especially when it comes to roommates. The first thing that kind of was a red flag for me.
7:41 Speaker 02 I had just moved in and my friends were helping me and we were going to go get some lunch. So we invited her, my new roommate, to come with us. She had asked to borrow a cardigan. I told her, go ahead, grab one from my closet and she ended up grabbing my favorite vintage thrifted cashmere cardigan.
7:57 Speaker 01 Oh my God.
7:57 Speaker 02 That's fine. I'm happy to share.
7:59 Dax Shepard? I want to confirm the red flag, which is you just met the person. You're like, hey, I need to borrow. You already lived there. Like if a dude moved into my house and was like, hey, I need to borrow a leather jacket. That's strange.
8:09 Speaker 01 Girls do borrow clothes.
8:12 Dax Shepard? I mean, one thing is she was visiting your house and got chilly, but she's next to her own closet.
8:16 Speaker 01 I know, but like girls do that.
8:18 Dax Shepard? I want your clothes.
8:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
8:20 Dax Shepard? Yes. I don't have your clothes. Can I have them?
8:24 Speaker 02 So she grabbed a cardigan, we're walking and she actually worked at this hub restaurant that we were walking to. And as we're walking there, it's June in Spokane, it's kind of chilly, kind of warm. It's warming up throughout the day. We're walking and she goes, oh, it's getting hot. And she takes my cardigan off and she looks at me as she says this and wipes her armpits with my cardigan.
8:45 Dax Shepard? No. No. Oh, wow. She's savage.
8:48 Speaker 02 And me and my friend looked at each other. We were like, what? Who does that? You know, like, maybe in private, right? Like, if I wasn't looking, like, maybe a click. But looks me in my eyes and wipes her sweaty armpits with my cardigan.
9:00 Speaker 01 What color was it? I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't matter. I just really want to know.
9:03 Speaker 02 It was like a creamy tan.
9:04 Speaker 01 Cute. Okay.
9:05 Dax Shepard? Flesh, no, yellow.
9:07 Speaker 01 Ew, yeah.
9:08 Dax Shepard? And white with, hopefully, deodorant paste.
9:11 Speaker 02 I don't think she wore deodorant.
9:12 Speaker 01 Yeah. Well.
9:14 Speaker 02 We were crunchy.
9:15 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
9:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's not healthy.
9:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's not healthy, it's worse.
9:18 Dax Shepard? It's very dangerous.
9:21 Speaker 02 We then get to the restaurant. She works there. So she gets a discount. And her manager was our server. And she ended up ordering garlic bread, you know, just a side. And our tabs come. And she asks if anybody has any change. And my friend Chelsea gives her her wallet. And she proceeds to take out every piece of change besides the pennies and pays for her entire tab with Chelsea's change.
9:45 Speaker 01 What?
9:46 Speaker 02 Doesn't leave it.
9:46 Dax Shepard? Wow.
9:47 Speaker 02 So again, we're like, okay, these two things have happened in the span of two hours. These are red flags. I should have known. But I stayed in the house. I gave it my best shot. There was another time I came home, had been drinking and partying all night, came home early around like seven or eight, and my mattress had been pulled out of my room and onto the living room floor. And she was having like a sleepover on my mattress.
10:08 Speaker 01 Oh.
10:09 Speaker 02 I didn't have like a mattress to go sleep on.
10:11 Speaker 01 What the fuck?
10:12 Dax Shepard? With one of her pals or her and a pal?
10:14 Speaker 02 Like a bunch of friends.
10:15 Dax Shepard? Oh, she hosted.
10:17 Speaker 02 Some girlfriends, some guy friends. She would eat my leftovers, you know, like I would bring home leftovers from a restaurant. She would eat it, which I think is just kind of odd. This gives some context as to what I'm dealing with. And the straw that broke the camel's back was when I came home one day after working. We had been living together maybe like three months at this point. We both had cats. My cat was mostly an indoor cat. He only really went outside with me. And when I had gotten home, I had noticed that the screen door was open. And my cat was gone. And so I go to find my roommate and she's sitting on the couch. And I ask her, you know, like, where's Jasper? Have you seen him? And she's like, oh, yeah, he got ran up a tree by the neighbor's dogs. He's totally fine. I'm sure he'll come back soon. I'm mad.
11:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:03 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
11:04 Speaker 02 And I neglect to notice that she has her hands down her pants.
11:07 Dax Shepard? Oh, oh, my goodness.
11:10 Speaker 02 When I noticed this, after I've kind of like, okay, whatever, my cat will come back. I go, what's wrong? And it's then that I see my bottle of apple cider vinegar sitting on the floor open. And she looks at me and she has this kind of look on her face, like her eyebrows are scrunched. And she goes, ah, and takes her hands out of her pants, has a rag on her hand, puts said rag on the rim of my apple cider vinegar, flips the bottle upside down, then proceeds to put the rag back down her pants as she says, I think I have hemorrhoids.
11:43 Dax Shepard? Oh, oh, oh, even worse. I thought she was on her vagina for something, but she's on her rectum.
11:49 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:50 Speaker 01 Oh, I thought she was masturbating.
11:51 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God. Well, sure. First stop is like, and she's using both hands. Good for her.
11:57 Speaker 02 On her butthole.
11:58 Dax Shepard? She was applying from the lip of the container.
12:02 Speaker 01 Ew.
12:03 Dax Shepard? I'm surprised she didn't just put the container up to her anus.
12:06 Speaker 01 Also, how many times has she done that?
12:09 Speaker 02 Right. And you know, that's funny because I was just telling my partner the story yesterday and he goes, well, hemorrhoids don't just like pop up. Has she been treating her hemorrhoids this way with your bottle of apple cider vinegar like previously?
12:20 Speaker 01 Exactly. And you've been drinking it.
12:23 Speaker 02 Yeah. So there's a chance that I have consumed her hemorrhoids.
12:31 Dax Shepard? It doesn't matter, but I definitely need somewhat of a visual of her.
12:35 Speaker 01 You want to know if she's cute or not.
12:36 Dax Shepard? Like, does she normal look it or does she look insane?
12:40 Speaker 02 Totally normal looking, definitely a stereotype. Like you would look at her and go, okay, like I can kind of guess maybe what she does in her free time. I think at this phase in her life, she is a part of a circus, if that gives any.
12:53 Dax Shepard? An actual circus, or that's a term for like a sex cult? Okay. It's not like, oh, okay. And what was her talent? Hemorrhoids?
13:02 Speaker 02 She had these like fans that had fireballs. You know, she would like dance.
13:06 Dax Shepard? Okay. So hold on. It's possible if I can make my best case for her. She might have like an extremely high arousal setting. Like she's just dead if she doesn't juggle fire or fucking push these social boundaries. Like she's dying inside. If she doesn't rattle herself with all this absurdity.
13:24 Speaker 02 It just seemed like she was so comfortable in her own skin that she wasn't phased by anything. She had this glass dildo. We would have house parties and her dildo was just always next to her bed with like a bottle of coconut oil. And she wouldn't like put it away, you know, like she just didn't care.
13:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
13:41 Speaker 02 And props to her for that. I need some space.
13:44 Speaker 01 Right. Oh.
13:45 Dax Shepard? How did you end this? Well, first of all, did your cat get retrieved? Was it in a tree?
13:50 Speaker 02 To be honest with you, I don't even remember what happened after this. I just blacked out. I have no memory of what happened with my cat. Obviously he was fine because nothing happened to him that day. It didn't end well because I moved in with her because I wanted to not live with my parents. I went back to my parents' house to get out of this living situation.
14:07 Dax Shepard? Do you remember telling her like, I just need to save more money? What was your excuse?
14:12 Speaker 02 I'm not good with confrontation. I was very polite, but I did send a very, very long, I think maybe Facebook message or text message to her, just explaining, next time you have a roommate, maybe these are things to think about.
14:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
14:25 Speaker 01 Constructive criticism.
14:27 Dax Shepard? Did she respond?
14:28 Speaker 02 She did. And I don't think she was phased by it. Again, she was kind of like, this is normal stuff. Like, what are you talking about?
14:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I feel bad for you. And I'm envious of her.
14:37 Speaker 01 I'm not.
14:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah, right? Just like, well, because I'm riddled with thinking about what other people think about me. And clearly this.
14:44 Speaker 01 Well, there's a reason because that that person just repels every single person that's around.
14:50 Dax Shepard? You know what I was doing most of your story? I was very paying attention and dialed in, but also I was making a lot of room for envisioning you with the dreadlocks. My conclusion was you looked very cute with dreadlocks. And I'm sure you were a really fun hang.
15:05 Speaker 01 Probably.
15:05 Dax Shepard? Coming home hammered with the dreadlocks.
15:08 Speaker 02 It was a good run. You know, I don't think they would suit my personality now, but at the time they were great.
15:13 Dax Shepard? No one likes them anymore for white folks and that's fine. I accept it, but I had them myself. Tell me, isn't it the greatest hairdo? Cause there's nothing to be done. That part of thinking is done.
15:22 Speaker 02 It is great and they always look good.
15:24 Speaker 01 Mm hmm. Better not for me.
15:27 Dax Shepard? I bet you'd look pretty cool if you had dreads and then shaved the side.
15:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, you've added that.
15:32 Dax Shepard? And then packed a lipper.
15:33 Speaker 01 No.
15:34 Speaker 02 I think you could rock it.
15:35 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
15:36 Speaker 01 Well, thank you.
15:38 Dax Shepard? Tiger side.
15:40 Speaker 01 Well, I'm sorry that happened. That lady's nuts.
15:44 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I want to meet her.
15:46 Speaker 02 I have to give a quick shout out. I promised her I would. My friend Sarah, she's my childhood best friend. She got me into armchair expert armchair anonymous. Shout out to Sarah.
15:55 Speaker 01 Shout out.
15:55 Dax Shepard? We love Sarah. Thank you, Sarah.
15:57 Speaker 01 Thank you, Sarah.
15:58 Dax Shepard? For proselytizing.
15:59 Speaker 01 Keep it up.
16:00 Dax Shepard? You're in an MLM and you have whatever they're called below you. I don't know.
16:03 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. She's top of the tier.
16:06 Dax Shepard? All right, well, congratulations on the baby and the marriage. And I'm so happy for you and it's lovely to meet you.
16:13 Speaker 02 Thank you. Loved meeting you guys.
16:14 Dax Shepard? All right, take care. Are you a Max Verstappen fan, David?
16:20 Speaker 03 I'm actually a Sergio fan. I don't like rooting for the frontrunner.
16:24 Speaker 01 Oh, that's fair. Yeah.
16:25 Speaker 03 I always was rooting for Sergio and I think he was never given the best opportunity.
16:31 Dax Shepard? I agree, and I think history showed that he was faster than we thought. We just didn't realize how fucking fast Max was.
16:37 Speaker 03 Exactly.
16:38 Dax Shepard? So David, where are you? You have a beautiful background, but that's not to say that's representative of where you live.
16:43 Speaker 03 It actually is. It's not too far away from where I live. I'm in upstate New York, right outside Albany, but that was a fall hike in Lake George.
16:52 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
16:54 Dax Shepard? Absolutely stunning.
16:55 Speaker 01 Oh, so you took this picture?
16:57 Speaker 03 Yes.
16:57 Speaker 01 Wow.
16:58 Dax Shepard? Yeah, for the listener. Behind David is just a gorgeous thousand acres of forest followed by a beautiful lake that seems very natural shoreline.
17:09 Speaker 03 I had moved back here unexpectedly after not living in this area for 20 years and I realized how much I missed being up in the mountains.
17:17 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you get reminded. Okay, so you have a crazy roommate story and where did it take place?
17:22 Speaker 03 It took place in Astoria Queens in New York City. So it was February 2006 when Craigslist was at its peak.
17:30 Dax Shepard? And what were you doing in Queens? Had you taken a job there or were you just loitering?
17:34 Speaker 03 I was working in Manhattan at a luxury hotel as a bell captain.
17:37 Dax Shepard? Which one?
17:38 Speaker 03 The Weston in Times Square.
17:40 Dax Shepard? Oh, wonderful. What was the biggest tip you ever received as a bell captain?
17:44 Speaker 03 Probably like a hundred dollars. It was never anything too crazy.
17:48 Dax Shepard? Fun job? That feels fun.
17:50 Speaker 03 Oh, it was so much fun. We had a lot of baseball teams that would stay with us, basketball teams, got to know a lot of players, have a lot of good stories that way as well.
17:59 Dax Shepard? Anyone check in with like a large cage and an animal?
18:02 Speaker 03 Not that I remember.
18:04 Dax Shepard? Okay.
18:04 Speaker 01 Okay, so you're working at the hotel.
18:06 Dax Shepard? Sorry, sorry.
18:06 Speaker 03 So met these two guys on Craigslist that were looking for a third roommate. We're in our twenties. We don't have many cares. We get along, things like that, but their friends that they grew up with live upstairs and they've converted the dining room into a fourth bedroom. So in Queens, you have a lot of railroad style apartments. In our twenties, we had no need for dining rooms. So we decided we put up a wall like they did and convert that into a fourth bedroom, which gave us more drinking money at the end of the day at 26 years old.
18:46 Dax Shepard? We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move, going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills and the confidence to create real change in their Their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs, there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics. They're practitioners who bring real world experience into everything they teach.
19:29 Dax Shepard? From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit walden.edu/waldenuniversity. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down the second I say it out loud.
20:13 Dax Shepard? And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.
20:24 Speaker 01 You know, I love therapy more than anything. Gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about. And then I'll go and I have some major revelation.
20:36 Dax Shepard? You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud, the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds once it's out into the world. You gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.
20:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, you do.
20:51 Dax Shepard? If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the U.S.? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com/dax to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash DAX. We get support from Skims. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl, and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.
21:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.
21:31 Dax Shepard? Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.
21:34 Speaker 01 Well, you know how much I love my Skims fleece joggers because the plush fleece is so soft, it's cozy, it's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them, and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.
21:52 Dax Shepard? Great, great, great.
21:53 Speaker 01 So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.
22:06 Dax Shepard? Roger.
22:07 Speaker 01 A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie, and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute, but also it's just fun and friendship.
22:20 Dax Shepard? So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?
22:25 Speaker 01 You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows.
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24:10 Speaker 03 So, we agreed to put up a listing on Craigslist for the fourth roommate. My two other roommates, they were in constant communication with me, picked a day that they were going to be interviewing for this fourth roommate. I'm working that night that they're starting the interviews for the fourth roommate, but I get onto the subway and get there as quick after work as possible. And we end up meeting in what's going to be our apartment. And they said, "We found the perfect roommate. It's this college student, senior. The only thing is, is he has a circumstance that he has to get into this room like next week." And our landlord had given us the keys to the apartment, but we weren't moving in until March 1st. Don't think much of it, just, "Okay, cool.
24:52 Speaker 03 He's given us the first month's, last month's, and security deposit. We have that in our pocket and let him move in." Fast forward to move-in day, he's already moved in. My two other roommates and I agreed to rent a U-Haul. We'll move all our stuff that day, return the U-Haul. We picked up a 12-pack of beer and some pizza and unpacked the apartment full of boxes. The student roommate joined us for a slice and a beer, but really was introverted, didn't really have much to say, and went back to his room, just thought, "Oh, he's not as social as we thought he was." About a week later, we haven't seen our student roommate for a few days. My one roommate calls and texts him with no answer from him.
25:34 Speaker 03 We're not like crazy worried at this point, probably should have been a little bit more worried. It's New York City. It's safe. We've never been in any trouble. One day, my roommate, Ryan, he gets home from work, who's been texting this newer roommate, and he gets a call from his friend who lives upstairs. And this is when DVR is brand new on cable in 2006 as well. He goes, I paused the TV. You have to come up and watch this right now. I'm at work in the middle of my shift, and Ryan texts me, I need to talk to you ASAP. It was early on in cell phones, always on you at all times. So we had a work policy of no cell phones at the time, but we had this enormous luggage room. We had a corner there that we could
26:16 Speaker 03 sneak away and always take a phone call or a text. So get into the luggage storage room. Ryan, the first thing comes out of his mouth is, are you sitting down? And my reply is, was our roommate found dead?
26:29 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:30 Speaker 03 And he goes, no, worse.
26:32 Dax Shepard? Oh.
26:32 Speaker 03 What?
26:33 Dax Shepard? Oh, there's only, I know the only other worse thing. Two other worse. Oh.
26:38 Speaker 03 I wonder who's right. Do we want to say it on three?
26:40 Dax Shepard? Okay. One, two, three, murder or pedophilia. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, there's two worse than being dead.
26:49 Speaker 03 Exactly. So the FBI has actually arrested him on crossing lines for child pedophilia.
26:57 Dax Shepard? Oh, dude. And the reason we even said that is we just had an expert on, and they were saying, yeah, the only thing Americans hold in worse regard than a murderer is a pedophile. So the lowest. And it made the news.
27:11 Speaker 03 It was one of the top stories on the news that night. So we were in New York City, and he had crossed state lines to Connecticut.
27:18 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God.
27:19 Speaker 03 Yeah. So my reaction was the same way. I was like, what the fuck? So I went to my manager. I asked to leave early for a family emergency, quote unquote, and she gave me the okay. I changed out of my uniform and got on the subway as quickly as possible. I get home, my roommate, Ryan, who had called me, looked like he had seen a ghost, and showed me the clip. And he was the one who reached out to the FBI.
27:43 Dax Shepard? Oh, he turned him in.
27:44 Speaker 03 Well, no, the FBI caught him, but because he was our fourth roommate, he wanted to find out, like, what's the next thing? The FBI told him, do not touch anything in his room because everything is evidence. My next thought was, our landlord lives in our building. She was going to find out when the FBI shows up, and we're going to get kicked out. We're not even a month into this lease yet. Luckily, the FBI came in pretty discreetly to pick up the evidence as well as interview Ryan. He gave the details about how he was rushing to move in. We didn't know anything else about him. Ryan stayed in contact with the lead agent for a while. Again, this is before even Google's search became a thing. So I Yahoo searched that roommate that got arrested and saw that our
28:28 Speaker 03 address was on the sexual offenders website.
28:32 Dax Shepard? Oh geez. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
28:36 Speaker 03 And we're all in our early professional careers. So I had Ryan reach out to the FBI agent to get that all settled. But we did end up finding a fourth roommate a few months later, who was amazing. She wanted to be Broadway singer.
28:49 Dax Shepard? Good for her. She moved in with three dudes.
28:51 Speaker 05 At a sex offenders on the registry. Oh, my God.
28:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah, she's ballsy.
28:58 Speaker 05 That's New York real estate. It's hard. It's hard. That is insane.
29:04 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Did you guys find out any of the details of what he was up to? Was he even a college student?
29:09 Speaker 03 He was actually a computer science major.
29:11 Speaker 05 Oh, no.
29:13 Speaker 03 It was with a minor. It was pretty crazy.
29:17 Speaker 05 Do you think the minor was ever in your apartment?
29:20 Speaker 03 No, our understanding is that part of how he got caught was he commuted to Connecticut to meet up with said person.
29:29 Speaker 05 Ah, that is a nightmare. Yeah.
29:33 Speaker 03 I know.
29:33 Dax Shepard? I didn't think I would say this, but we've had two of these and I'd much prefer someone put my apple cider vinegar up their asshole than this as a roommate.
29:41 Speaker 05 If you have to pick.
29:42 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
29:43 Speaker 03 Yeah. Am I able to give a shout out?
29:45 Speaker 05 Yeah.
29:45 Dax Shepard? Of course.
29:46 Speaker 03 Awesome. I'm listening to you guys all the time. I even have an A cherry personalized license plate.
29:53 Speaker 05 Oh, my goodness.
29:55 Dax Shepard? Me, too.
29:56 Speaker 05 That is so sweet.
29:58 Dax Shepard? Mine says arm cherry.
29:59 Speaker 03 Oh, nice. Yeah, mine says AE cherry.
30:02 Dax Shepard? Oh, we could start a car club.
30:04 Speaker 03 There we go.
30:05 Speaker 05 Start selling them.
30:07 Speaker 03 But I had to give a shout out to the person who got me into this podcast. His name is Scotty Johnson. I think you have a friend, Scotty Johnson.
30:14 Dax Shepard? I have a best friend. I just got chills when you said that. I was thinking, could it be the same Scotty Johnson? But it's not.
30:19 Speaker 03 And kind of sim. He was the gym owner of the gym I went to in Miami. And he's now relocated to Detroit, Michigan.
30:28 Dax Shepard? Oh, that is really weird. I hope Scotty Johnson and Scotty Johnson run into each other.
30:33 Speaker 05 Me too. Well, shout out Scotty Johnson.
30:35 Dax Shepard? And I want to be on record. Yeah. If I've ever stolen anyone's personality, it was Scott Johnson.
30:40 Speaker 05 Yeah.
30:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah. He made me a lot better.
30:41 Speaker 05 Great personality.
30:42 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:44 Speaker 03 Well, and then Dax, I just want to thank you for all the father advice you give. I'm a single father to a four and a half year old daughter.
30:51 Dax Shepard? Oh, congrats.
30:52 Speaker 05 That's awesome.
30:53 Dax Shepard? Four year old little girl. Are you having so much fun?
30:56 Speaker 03 The best time ever. The full on conversations are the best.
31:00 Dax Shepard? Yes.
31:01 Speaker 03 I'm trying to get her into Armchair Expert, but it's more listening to Blippi than it is Armchair Expert.
31:06 Dax Shepard? Sure, sure, sure.
31:07 Speaker 05 Her now. Give it a couple of years.
31:09 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get her anonymous, I think is the gateway.
31:12 Speaker 05 Yeah, exactly.
31:13 Dax Shepard? Well, David, it's lovely meeting you. I'm so happy for you.
31:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, thank you so much.
31:17 Dax Shepard? All right. Take care.
31:20 Dax Shepard? Is it Brittany Bridge? Oh, my God. Yes. Hello. How are you guys? I'm great. What does your sweatshirt say, Brittany? It says I need a diet coke. Yeah, girl. I figured you would appreciate that. I always have one handy. What do they call them? Fridge cigs?
31:37 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:38 Dax Shepard? Exactly. Truer words have never been spoken.
31:41 Speaker 05 It's true.
31:41 Dax Shepard? Brittany, where are you at? I'm in San Diego, so not too far from you guys. Okay. And you have an exciting, you're in an office, there's a cocktail cart, there's a weird head mask. Oh, is there a Star Wars fan in the house? Is that what's going on? It's Avatar, The Last Airbender. It's an Appa. We have a dog that's named Appa.
31:59 Speaker 05 Oh.
31:59 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you guys love Airbender? Yes, the original, the cartoon. Oh, okay. You had a bad roommate. Please tell us about it. Absolutely. I don't love the term bad roommate. It was just a wild roommate story.
32:12 Speaker 05 Love that.
32:12 Dax Shepard? I will clarify later. Maybe that will make sense why I want to make that distinction, but let's go back.
32:18 Speaker 05 To early May 2020. So this is peak pandemic. This is that phase where we're home 24/7. People are watching Tiger King. Oh, yeah. We are making banana bread, drinking a lot. But also a time where your home life becomes more important than usual because you're home 24/7. So I was 30 at the time, working full time, navigating remote work and what that looks like. I was spending a lot of time with my boyfriend of two years, but we did not live together at this time. We had had conversations about it. I wasn't quite ready. So ultimately I was living with random roommates by the beach. So on a Thursday night, early May, about 1:30 in the morning, I get a call from an unknown number. So I answer and on the other end of the line is a police officer.
33:03 Speaker 05 I am a little alarmed, but he says like, I'm outside of your house and he asked if I was safe. Oh, like, yes, I am safe. I'm confused.
33:12 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I thought I was safe until you called.
33:14 Speaker 05 Exactly. So then I walked to my front door and opened it. And slowly the scene starts to come into focus. And I realized that my house is surrounded by police officers. With guns and spotlights pointing at my house.
33:29 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
33:30 Speaker 05 Oh, my God.
33:32 Dax Shepard? This is kind of my dream wake up.
33:34 Speaker 05 No. I'd trade places with this guy. Yeah. She didn't like that.
33:39 Dax Shepard? Oh, man, something's really happening. Time to be awake.
33:42 Speaker 05 It is burned into my brain as one of the crazier things that have happened.
33:46 Dax Shepard? How many cops do you think are out there?
33:48 Speaker 05 At least a dozen.
33:49 Dax Shepard? Okay, they got the whole department.
33:51 Speaker 05 Let's rewind a few weeks. So now we're in April, even earlier in the pandemic. And one of our roommates was actually from another country. So I don't know if you guys remember, there were travel bans that were going on, right? Where there were countries you couldn't, couldn't travel to. The travel ban got lifted and she was like, I have to leave now or I'm going to get stuck. And we were like, okay, we totally understand. Never fun to have to like suddenly find a roommate, but we live in a pretty desirable area. We haven't really had issues finding roommates in the past. So we post an ad on Craigslist. I know there's lots of horror stories about that, but that's actually how I found the room. It's how we've been doing it for years. Never really had any issues. Have found some good fits. So we interview someone, let's call her Jamie. I actually go to where she's living.
34:34 Dax Shepard? Well, that's very proactive of you. Yeah, this was smart.
34:36 Speaker 05 I meet one of her friends. We talk, seems like a good enough fit. When can you move in? And so she comes in, the first couple of weeks are going really well. She's very clean. She like cook for us and share food. Great roommate perks. Can't ask for much more. She does talk a lot. It becomes clear that she's going through a breakup. He's grieving that, kind of taking a toll on her mental health, which I totally understand. I'm trying to be supportive of her. But I also actually am a therapist for a living. I work with foster kids.
35:02 Dax Shepard? Oh, my gosh. Good job.
35:04 Speaker 05 I couldn't be her therapist, right? I was like, I have to set some boundaries, but also want to show up for you how I can. But also like, you're a random, you know, trying to kind of navigate that. But again, a couple of weeks, things are going well. And then one night in the middle of the night, we get a group text. So between me and Jamie and then our other roommate. And she says, I've had enough of this shit. Five straight nights, I'm moving out.
35:26 Dax Shepard? What?
35:27 Speaker 05 And I'm like racking my brain, like, what is this about? Is maybe her and my other roommate having conflict? I'm not privy to. I got up to pee. I was like, did I wake her up? And like, that was frustrating. Like, I have no idea. So I text my other roommate and I'm like, any idea what this is about? And she's like, well, it's late. Like, we should all kind of talk tomorrow. But she is hearing conversations about her and it isn't very comfortable. And I'm like, okay, I mentioned I do have a boyfriend that I spend time with. He comes over sometimes, but he was not there that night and hadn't been the last couple of nights. And we had never talked about her, not a single time. So like, this isn't happening. The next day, I talked to her, tried to reassure her, like, this is not happening. We are not talking about you. I'm sorry if you feel that way.
36:08 Speaker 05 He wasn't here. And then slowly, as we're kind of talking more, it's becoming clear that she is having some auditory hallucinations.
36:15 Dax Shepard? Oh, my gosh.
36:17 Speaker 05 So not only that, my boyfriend and I are talking about her, but that my boyfriend is like threatening me.
36:22 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay.
36:24 Speaker 05 I would like to add a disclaimer that my boyfriend is the most wonderful, nonviolent man. There is no reason. For her to think this, it was just very clear. She was projecting her own trauma onto like the nearest relationship. Oh my God, psychosis. I'm kind of talking to her throughout the day, saying like, hey, has this happened before? She almost maybe like seems a little embarrassed, like, no, I'm a therapist. I'm providing education on grounding techniques.
36:47 Dax Shepard? Is she becoming open to the idea that maybe she imagined them or no?
36:53 Speaker 05 It seems that way, I think, in the first conversation. And so again, I'm kind of talking through, like, normalizing that being anxiety provoking. If she says this hasn't happened before, we're in like the evening now. So I also offer, hey, my boyfriend is not here. I'm going to leave my door open. So my door was like right next to hers, catty corner. So I leave my door open. She can peek in if she wants. If she's feeling unsafe and I let her know, like, hey, the next morning, I'm aware of some community based mental health resources. Let's get you some support.
37:19 Dax Shepard? You're the dream roommate for this.
37:21 Speaker 05 I honestly am glad it happened to me because I feel like I had maybe some more tools to handle and deal with that.
37:42 Speaker 05 So I go to bed that night and now let's cut to the earlier scene. About an hour after I had fallen asleep, I guess she had called the police and told them that my boyfriend was in the home with a rifle and he had pointed at her and was now holding me hostage. Oh.
37:58 Dax Shepard? Oh my God, this is the point I try to make with my sympathy to police. They don't know what the fuck is going on ever. They just show up and they have to assume that's the scenario.
38:07 Speaker 05 They were responding as if it was like an active shooter. Which I'm glad, I'm glad they were. Absolutely. But hence all the guns and manpower in that situation. They were responding as if that was the case. So I walk outside and talk to the police officers and I kind of give them my perspective. I let them know, it's been come clear the last couple of days that she seems to be experiencing some auditory hallucinations. It seems like now she's experiencing some visual hallucinations as well. They pretty quickly believed me, but they were like, we do have to clear the house. So they asked me to follow them as they're going in with large weapons, like clearing my closet and the garage and making sure, right, that I am telling the truth. Obviously, he was not there. They did tell me they found like a large butcher knife in her bag. That she said was to defend herself. So that was a little alarming.
38:52 Dax Shepard? Well, I remember learning in college that the schizophrenics that had been put in prison for murder, almost without exception, they believed sincerely like the town was poisoning. It's always self-defense. It's like never just, I want to kill that person. It's always self-defense.
39:06 Speaker 05 Yeah. Yes. And that was kind of her idea. She was telling cops, like, what would you do in this situation? Oh, my God. If someone is targeting you and threatening you and pulling someone hostage, I need to have something to protect myself.
39:17 Dax Shepard? This also shines a little bit of light on how the previous relationship probably dissolved. The boyfriend was probably like, okay, I gotta get off this ride.
39:25 Speaker 05 Yeah, she has some psychosis.
39:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:28 Speaker 05 Or it was she had a traumatic experience with that partner and was unsafe and was maybe threatened with weapons to where she didn't feel safe. And now her brain is kind of in that fight or flight mode, right? Of like, I'm in survival mode because of those experiences that she's been through. Oh, horrible. Yeah. So they end up pulling us all in a room. I'm kind of hoping this will help alleviate some anxiety. Like, he is not here. But she's like, Brittany, you're a good girl. You tell them the truth. You know, this is happening. He's hiding in a car around the corner. Like, just very vividly still feeling as though this was happening. My other roommate corroborated the story. They were able to take her for a psychiatric evaluation. And then the next morning, I actually get a call from the psych hospital and they're like, hey, can she come home?
40:13 Speaker 05 Does she have a place? And I'm like, I mean, is she still believing this? Is she still feeling as though she needs to defend herself? So they do end up actually releasing her pretty quickly. She texts me and says, like, I'm on the way home and I have the police with me and I need to see your room. At this point, I'm like feverishly packing. We're home 24/7. I'm working from home. Like, I have meetings that day. It is not sustainable for me to stay here in this environment. I'm trying to get out of the house before she gets there, but I don't. She comes in, surprise, surprise, the police are not with her. I like show her my room and then I let her know, like, hey, I'm gonna be leaving. I will not be here. My boyfriend will not be here for an indefinite period of time. I will leave my doors open. Please, like, I want you to feel safe. We'll connect later.
40:55 Speaker 05 So now, in the middle of the pandemic, I end up couch surfing between like friends and my boyfriend's house, even like my boyfriend's mom's house in LA, like, just kind of trying to find safe spaces where I can continue working and figuring out what's going on. I'm, of course, staying in touch with my roommate who is still At the house and she tells me she is now repeatedly calling the cops and continuing to state these things. Why aren't they committing her? Well, they end up not coming to the house every time because they are starting to see that pattern. To my knowledge, they never like connected her with mental health resources. Apparently she was like looking under our house for me and like in nearby buildings. And she actually then started sticking burned notes under my door.
41:38 Speaker 05 I actually sent a couple of pictures of those.
41:41 Dax Shepard? Right here, yeah.
41:42 Speaker 05 If you want to look at them.
41:43 Dax Shepard? Yes, I do. Oh, boy. Yeah.
41:45 Speaker 05 This is so scary.
41:46 Dax Shepard? You can imagine like in a psychic eval, just seeing these notes, you'd be like, yep, I see what's going on.
41:52 Speaker 05 Exactly. Like she needs to be placed on a hold for sure. It's ranging from like, leave her alone to like, go ahead and do it. So that feels like threatening of like, you're telling him to kill me. I don't know. Oh, my God. It says, I'll take a bullet for her. I want her to stay with us now. Oh, my God. This is very upsetting.
42:10 Dax Shepard? You don't want me to get to you. You sound like you don't stop narrating everything. Do it, asshole. Been waiting.
42:17 Speaker 05 And she also like was saying she was like recording us. I was talking over the story with my sister and she was like, that was the part where I was like, I don't care about COVID. I'm getting on a plane to come out. She was like, the burn notes was kind of a next level for me.
42:29 Dax Shepard? Anything and everything starts seeming possible.
42:32 Speaker 05 Yes. And she is like sending like kind of threatening texts. We also find out in the midst of all of this that she never paid rent. So she had told us numerous times that she had. We had been there again for like years at that point, never paid rent late. The landlord never told us until we got an eviction notice of pay or you're going to be kicked out of your home in the middle. And we had actually contacted them about this situation and they were like, not so helpful and never told us that we had outstanding rent. So that was just kind of an added.
43:00 Dax Shepard? Stressor.
43:02 Speaker 05 All of this of like, okay, are we going to have to then pay for her portion of the rent so we can stay? So ultimately we ended up having to like reach out. To her mom on Facebook who lived across the country and we're just like, hey, this is kind of the situation. It seems like she really needs support. These things are not happening. Like this has been verified by the police. I'm not just saying this. Her mom does end up flying out. Ultimately, after a few weeks and a few more eventful things, she did move out. And I do just very much want to add that disclaimer of like, I have no bad feelings toward her. Nothing but empathy. I hope that she got the support that she needs and that she is stable and I obviously am a huge mental health advocate. This is my passion and what I do for a living. And never want to be disparaging. This was just a crazy thing.
43:45 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
43:45 Speaker 05 Yes, absolutely.
43:47 Dax Shepard? Did the mom take her back?
43:49 Speaker 05 I'm not 100% sure. I do think that was what they were going to do is bring her home. More than she could hopefully get connected to therapists and medication support and whatever she needed.
43:59 Dax Shepard? You know, the whole story just reminds me how much we need other people.
44:03 Speaker 05 Oh, my God.
44:04 Dax Shepard? You need a mom, you know, you need someone to call that can be like, oh yeah, I'll drop everything.
44:08 Speaker 05 Or even like a best friend, real people in your life to help you. I think that's tough about even living in San Diego. Like, we don't have family here. There's a lot of transplants where you come here because San Diego is a beautiful, amazing city with lots of fun things to do, but there is sometimes a lack of community in that way. That is, yeah, very essential, especially in these situations. I actually like ended up flying home after that just to kind of also get a little bit of like a breather and space. And then in the midst of all of this, actually, my boyfriend, we were on one of those trips down from LA to San Diego from staying with his moms. He proposed to me. Fun story. All the jewelry stores were closed, so he actually proposed with a diamond in like a ring pop setting, which is kind of a fun
44:49 Speaker 05 anecdote that we have from that time. And we've been married five years and have a precious two and a half year old.
44:55 Dax Shepard? Oh, congrats.
44:58 Speaker 05 We are very, very happy. This was a small, little blip in a very privileged life. You have such an amazing attitude. I appreciate that. That's all we can do in these situations. And again, we're humans first and so always want to hold space for that. I did have another quick anecdote if we have time that I think I also Pictures of. So my husband in 2022 surprised me with front row tickets to see you guys at the Wiltern. I think it was Armchair and Dangerous.
45:21 Dax Shepard? Oh.
45:23 Speaker 05 Which was so much fun. But the coolest thing actually happened after. So I'm a huge Kristen Bell fan, as many of us are. She actually posted a picture from that show and my husband and I are in the background. So I like to take Kristen pictures on Instagram, which was like the most exciting thing that could happen.
45:43 Dax Shepard? Oh, that's great.
45:44 Speaker 05 And my husband actually is here. I don't know if you want to say hello to him.
45:49 Speaker 06 We live?
45:50 Speaker 05 Hi.
45:51 Dax Shepard? Hello.
45:52 Speaker 06 Hi.
45:53 Dax Shepard? What a nice man you are to have gotten those tickets for her.
45:56 Speaker 06 It was really fun.
45:57 Dax Shepard? You obviously met this roommate?
45:58 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah.
45:59 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:01 Speaker 06 Yeah, that was a fun story. It all worked out and hopefully she's doing well. We don't keep in touch with her, but yeah.
46:06 Speaker 05 Yeah, hopefully.
46:08 Dax Shepard? All right. Well, lovely meeting you guys. Yeah, so fun.
46:11 Speaker 05 Bye. Thank you guys so much for your time. Have a great rest of your day.
46:16 Speaker 05 Hello.
46:17 Dax Shepard? Where is this photo that is your backdrop?
46:19 Speaker 05 Tuscany.
46:21 Dax Shepard? Oh.
46:22 Speaker 05 The photo is one of the few things that turned out great with that story, but that's a scam episode.
46:30 Speaker 05 Although there were some bad roommates there too.
46:34 Dax Shepard? Where are you at, Danielle?
46:35 Speaker 05 So I currently live in eastern Washington. My story is about Portland. Oh.
46:40 Dax Shepard? And is that where you're from?
46:42 Speaker 05 I'm from near there and lived most of my early adulthood in Portland. We had another Portland story, also bad roommates. I believe it. There's a lot of bad roommates in Portland. Yikes.
46:52 Dax Shepard? There's a lot of young people.
46:54 Speaker 05 Uh oh.
46:54 Dax Shepard? With dreadlocks and not wearing deodorant.
46:56 Speaker 05 That's right.
46:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Okay. Please walk us through Portland. What year?
47:01 Speaker 05 So this was around 2005, 2006. I was trying to figure. Out exactly when it was. I think it might have been a summertime and I was the bad roommate.
47:11 Dax Shepard? Oh, wonderful. I'm so glad.
47:13 Speaker 05 Someone's owning it. What if, oh my God, I just, what if you're the person?
47:18 Dax Shepard? From the Portland.
47:19 Speaker 05 Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay, let's hear it. You need a little bit of background. So at the time I was in Portland finishing my undergrad and I was working too much, going to school too much, certainly not getting enough sleep. And the background to that is that a few years before I had an intruder. I was living with some friends. Someone came into our home and came into my bedroom, turned on the lights and I woke up just primal scream, went into attack mode. He left. We weren't really sure if it was like an accidental situation or if he had bad intentions. We never really did figure it out. They never found him,
48:01 Speaker 05 but certainly created a lot of problems for me with sleep.
48:05 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
48:07 Speaker 05 Ended up with PTSD and a combination of pre-existing sleep disorders just magnified. Ended up with night terrors in combination with nightmares. Usually people have one or the other, but I was very lucky and got a big combination of frequent nightmares about intruders and added demons to the picture and would wake up screaming. An example that I often give is one time I woke up screaming, bloody bruised in front of a bookshelf that I had a bunch of like trinkets from travels around the world and they were all broken, like all.
48:49 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
48:49 Speaker 05 You're also sleepwalking.
48:51 Dax Shepard? Like you're waking up, but you're still asleep, but you're wreaking havoc and then you're coming to and realizing you've wreaked havoc?
48:57 Speaker 05 Yeah. So I had a long history of sleepwalking, talking, and then that coupled with this PTSD just made a big giant mess. Oh.
49:06 Dax Shepard? I don't want to make light of it, but I do want to see a reality show of just you moving around your bedroom at night. Has it ever crossed your mind to maybe put some night vision cameras and have a show?
49:16 Speaker 05 Twenty years ago, it would have been fascinating. Now it's just me checking on my babies. I actually don't have night terrors very often anymore, maybe once. A year rather than once a week or more, but that's the back going on for a couple of years.
49:33 Dax Shepard? Well, sorry. One more question about night terrors. Did you ever wake up like far from the house? Were you always pretty much in or around the house?
49:39 Speaker 05 Always in or around the house. I did go through a phase where I would unlock and re-lock the door. Fortunately, that didn't last very long, but I never left and my sleep specialists would say, we need to make sure that you aren't sleeping upstairs or, you know, the keys are where you can't get them, those kinds of things. But fortunately, I never had to do that and I never severely injured myself.
50:03 Dax Shepard? Yeah, we interviewed a guy who ran through a plate glass window from the second story. Yeah.
50:07 Speaker 05 I could have very much been in danger of that, I think.
50:10 Dax Shepard? How scary you're going down to bed. You have to be afraid of what's gonna happen once you fall asleep.
50:14 Speaker 05 It's probably that stress also adds to it. It's like a bad cycle.
50:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
50:18 Speaker 05 It does, and it becomes a really bad cycle because you're afraid to go to sleep because you don't know what's gonna happen. But then the insomnia makes it so much worse.
50:26 Dax Shepard? These are the makings of a bad roommate. Yes, continue.
50:28 Speaker 05 Yes, yes. My very sweet roommate was really terrible about locking the door also. That's how I ended up with the intruder in the first place was that a door didn't get locked. And so I became a little bit obsessive about locking doors for a while. And so that just would start off a whole cycle. So we had gone through a week of her not locking the door a couple of times and she worked late and was also in a band. And so would be out late, a band practice, and then maybe bring people back, you know, that kind of thing. Not a great combination. We also lived in a part of Portland that is known for its seedy aside. So lots of drugs being done on the side of the road,
51:10 Speaker 05 lots of sex workers, not really safe, but it's what we could afford. And it was a really noisy night and I went to bed. It was hot. I had the windows open and I must have been hearing her come in. It was really hard to come in quietly where we lived. I don't remember that, but I woke up and I was hearing her say, stop Danielle, it's me over and over and over again. And I had a really large lamp in my My hand and I had it raised up to basically hit her with it. Oh my god. I thought it was somebody coming in to attack us. Yeah.
51:51 Speaker 05 It would have been really bad if I hadn't woken up because I'm five eleven and she's around five one. Oh. And that is the story of how I almost killed my roommate. That is so scary. Okay, when you came to, were you like?
52:06 Dax Shepard? Mortified.
52:08 Speaker 05 Horrified, like I could have really hurt you. What if I actually had a real weapon? What if I had hit you? It was that she was so understanding. Oh. So kind about it, but I felt so afraid of what I might do in my sleep for a long time. Yes.
52:25 Dax Shepard? What do you do? How do you even address that? Lock yourself in your bedroom?
52:29 Speaker 05 I can tell you what I did.
52:30 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
52:31 Speaker 05 I got a dog and she was a really sweet guard dog. She would just lay by the door, be very protective if anybody came to the door or ever talked to me like in a breezeway. But otherwise, if I would wake up screaming, she didn't respond. She just would kind of like lift her head up and then go back to sleep. And that did more healing work than any therapy or any medication, which I hate to say, I'm a psychologist.
52:59 Speaker 05 That is absolutely what healed my brain.
53:01 Dax Shepard? I mean, it makes sense because I think at the core, right, you're feeling very vulnerable and alone.
53:07 Speaker 05 Fearful.
53:07 Dax Shepard? And yeah, and now you got a co-pilot.
53:10 Speaker 05 Yep.
53:10 Dax Shepard? You can offload some of the responsibility to her.
53:13 Speaker 05 Your brain feels safer. And I didn't feel like anybody would ever come in when they heard this dog who sounded big, mean and vicious, but was really a sweetheart.
53:23 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you know.
53:25 Speaker 05 I know. You want me to get one.
53:27 Dax Shepard? Well, we both need to take a moment and say, these little dogs are so special sometimes.
53:32 Speaker 05 Sometimes. He did so much good for me.
53:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
53:35 Speaker 05 That's lovely. I'm really happy to hear that.
53:37 Dax Shepard? So happy to have the job. Like if you talk to a human, like, here's a sitch, man, I'm unraveling. You gotta be my co-pilot. Maybe send me a night.
53:44 Speaker 05 Everyone would run.
53:45 Dax Shepard? Yeah, maybe fuck this, but dogs like, yeah, I'm there, man.
53:47 Speaker 05 Do I tell her very last day? Oh. I thought the night terrors would come back after she passed, but they haven't. I mean, I've had maybe like a couple. I'm a new mom, but it's been fine.
53:59 Dax Shepard? Good.
53:59 Speaker 05 I love that.
54:00 Dax Shepard? Oh, I love that you were the bad roommate.
54:02 Speaker 05 Yeah, thanks for owning it.
54:04 Dax Shepard? That's big of you. Yeah, I like that.
54:06 Speaker 05 That's like kind of the worst roommate.
54:08 Dax Shepard? We could have very well heard that other side of the story. I came in, I was like, she came barging out with a lamp and threw me against the wall. Drop it on my head.
54:17 Speaker 05 Good for her for being kind. I had several roommates who were just so kind, who would say, just come get in bed with me.
54:28 Dax Shepard? We've been hearing a lot of good about humanity in this episode. It's been affirming and.
54:33 Speaker 05 There's some bad ones. There was a pedophile.
54:37 Speaker 05 Can I say a couple of thank yous and a shout out?
54:41 Speaker 05 Dax, I'm so thankful for the way that you talk about addiction. From a professional standpoint, it's really helpful, but also I have three siblings who struggle with alcohol addiction. And for me, day seven is so helpful from both of you to be able to go back and remind myself, this is a process. Relapse happen. I can be there for my family and also the reality is of how it feels to be on like Monica's end of things. You know, it's always a good reminder. So I've listened to that episode so many times in supporting my siblings. And I'm so thankful for the way you talk about addiction and the way you share and you let other people share.
55:20 Dax Shepard? Oh, thank you. Our pleasure.
55:22 Speaker 05 Glad it was helpful.
55:23 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
55:24 Speaker 05 And Monica, Rista thirty five is an amazing gift. So I'm a perinatal psychologist. I've been supporting families and becoming families for a long time. So people with fertility issues and pregnancy and postpartum problems. But I myself, it took 10 years for me to get my baby.
55:48 Speaker 05 The egg retrieval process around the same time. It was really cool to have that. I wish that I had had. That podcast when I was thirty five. Yeah. It's a lot easier, but I did get my little science baby.
56:02 Dax Shepard? My little science.
56:04 Speaker 05 I love that you share your process and even your process and thinking about like, do I become a single mom? Do I not? I'm a single mom by choice and it really works for me. But I think so many more young women need to have that information because I think for some people, it's way too late when they start. It almost didn't work. Well, I'm so glad it did.
56:25 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Good job, Monica. We hear that a lot. I'm so proud of my buddy.
56:29 Speaker 05 Oh, thank you. And I have to shout out a former client who turned me on to your podcast. She really, from day one, was talking about you guys. And it was a really fun bunch of years that we spent talking. I'm sure she'll know who she is. Oh, shout out anonymous person.
56:48 Dax Shepard? I think anyone who gets you as a therapist is very lucky.
56:51 Speaker 05 Very. Oh, thank you.
56:53 Dax Shepard? It's so nice meeting you, Danielle.
56:55 Speaker 05 Thanks for chatting with us. Thank you. It's great to meet you guys.
56:58 Dax Shepard? All right. Congrats on your science, baby.
57:02 Dax Shepard? All right. Bye.
57:03 Speaker 05 Bye. God, they're nice.
57:05 Dax Shepard? Got my daily tear up in. Free now to be a prick the rest of the day.
57:10 Speaker 05 Probably first of many.
57:12 Dax Shepard? All right. I love you.
57:13 Speaker 05 I love you.
57:16 Speaker 06 Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.
57:19 Dax Shepard? Okay, great.
57:21 Speaker 06 We don't have a song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fire, Rhine dish. On the fire, Rhine dish. Enjoy.
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