Gary Owen on Fatherhood, Comedy & Starting Over | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian, actor, and podcast host Gary Owen for a conversation about stand-up, family, fatherhood, getting older, and the ridiculous situations life keeps throwing at you. Gary has been making audiences laugh for more than two decades, from his appearances in Think Like a Man, Ride Along, and Daddy Day Care to his stand-up specials and sold-out shows across the country. Now he's navigating a whole new chapter of life, including becoming a dad to twin boys, because apparently regular parenting wasn't challenging enough. His brand-new comedy special, No Hard Feelings, is streaming now on 800 Pound Gorilla's YouTube channel! Gary gets into growing up in a trailer park, his time in the Navy, family, relationships, and all the unexpected adventures that come with getting older. Gary also hosts the #GetSome with Gary Owen podcast, where he shares stories, catches up with guests, and gives his take on just about everything. Watch Gary Owen: No Hard Feelings on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGQpv-4k3II Check out Gary's upcoming tour dates and more: https://www.garyowen.live Follow Gary Owen: https://www.instagram.com/garyowencomedy Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #GaryOwen #NoHardFeelings #GetSomePodcast #StandUpComedy #ComedyPodcast #800PoundGorilla ==================================================== This episode is sponsored by: TEMPO BY HOME CHEF GET 60% OFF YOUR FIRST BOX! http://tempomeals.com/santino Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:13Andrew Santino?

  Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series. Hey there, Whiskey Ginger fans, I'm adding dates right now. I just had a call with my agent, my agent. And he was like, when are you gonna get back out there, kid? And I said, I'm on my way, pal. We got one show booked right now, March 27th. March 27th, I am at the Cosmo in Las Vegas. Las Vegas, come on and get married. Come to my show, have a good time and say hi to me, March 27th out there in Las Vegas. And then we're adding a ton of dates. I think I'm doing like 15 or 20 cities. I might be doing a couple with Adam Ray. Whoa, maybe, maybe not, who knows? Should I have leaked that? Who cares? Anyway, go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Andrew Santino.com.

• 1:50Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard.

• 1:57Speaker 05

  Sturdy and ginger. Like that, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no.

• 2:08Speaker 06

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 2:14Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that from my guest, but I mean, once again today, it is Gary Owen.

• 2:21Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 2:22Andrew Santino?

  Excuse the crackle in my voice, I have a little sinus infection. I'm fighting off from traveling nonstop around this globe, as you always do. Gary's back, this is your second time on the show.

• 2:32Speaker 07

  It's been about two and a half years.

• 2:33Andrew Santino?

  First time you led with, you said the N word right out the gate. So that was kind of wild. I don't know if you want to do that again.

• 2:38Speaker 07

  No, I'm gonna pass.

• 2:39Andrew Santino?

  That was a bad move, bad move.

• 2:41Speaker 07

  Got away with it.

• 2:41Andrew Santino?

  You're regarded, you do, you do. You're regarded as the king of the white, black comics.

• 2:49Speaker 07

  Am I?

• 2:50Andrew Santino?

  To us, you are. If somebody in the comedy world goes, Gary, and you go, yeah, he does, he does all black rooms. I go, no, he does other rooms too. You go, yeah, but he's one of the only comics that can sell out black rooms. White comics.

• 3:02Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:03Andrew Santino?

  Do you know another?

• 3:03Speaker 07

  There's been a shift over the last couple of years since I last was on here.

• 3:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, you've gotten more white audiences?

• 3:09Speaker 07

  Huge.

• 3:10Andrew Santino?

  You're welcome.

• 3:11Speaker 07

  Yeah, thank you.

• 3:13Andrew Santino?

  Show's starting on time.

• 3:14Speaker 07

  You know what, you know what I do well? I honestly, I do well in all the Latino heavy markets.

• 3:20Andrew Santino?

  So we, we do great in those, like Bob and I, because of bad friends.

• 3:25Speaker 07

  Bob?

• 3:25Andrew Santino?

  Bobby.

• 3:26Speaker 07

  Who's that?

• 3:27Andrew Santino?

  Robert Lee, the little Chinese kid? The fat Chinese guy?

• 3:30Speaker 07

  Hey, I thought you were on the road with the Nero. Like, damn, you calling him Bobby now?

• 3:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, Bob and I are on tour. No, Pesci and I usually do a little side tour. No, but Bobby and I, because of bad friends, I think in its basis in LA, we do get a ton of Mexican fans. Like Mexicans, they fucking love us. Cause Mexicans like raw, stupid, dirty humor that whites kind of are like, oh no.

• 3:55Speaker 07

  And they don't get offended.

• 3:56Andrew Santino?

  No, fuck no, they don't. They're the best audiences. Yeah, and so like white people get like a little like, ugh. And black people are like, ooh, that's nasty. Like, we're too nasty for black people and we're too cringy for white people. But Mexicans are like, you funny fucking dude, you fucking wild as shit. They love it. They fucking love it, dude.

• 4:11Speaker 07

  Do you ever wonder why there's no like, nobody does comedy in Mexico?

• 4:17Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, Mexico City would be huge. I would love to do it down there.

• 4:20Speaker 07

  You would think.

• 4:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you could do it down there for sure.

• 4:21Speaker 07

  You would think, but you never hear anybody going like, at all.

• 4:24Andrew Santino?

  Cause you probably got a, who's the promoter? The cartel?

• 4:26Speaker 07

  I know, that's what I'm saying. It's kind of odd though, if you think about it, to have such a strong market in the States.

• 4:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 07

  And say Mexicans.

• 4:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 07

  And then nobody goes to Mexico to perform.

• 4:37Andrew Santino?

  Does Live Nation have a, have a Mexico City? I'm sure for musicians they do, but comics, we just don't. I'm sure musicians play Mexico City, that's probably a huge hub for.

• 4:46Speaker 07

  I'm sure.

• 4:46Andrew Santino?

  But yeah, we, yeah, a cartel, you probably got to pay off some people that get down there, bro.

• 4:49Speaker 07

  That's all right though.

• 4:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'll do it.

• 4:51Speaker 07

  Hey, when I first started, some of the best promoters were drug dealers.

• 4:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they, well, they're still, it's still there. Those are those mom and pop clubs are still sprinkled through the, whatever levity has in bought, there's still mom and poppy drug dealer clubs that are still out there.

• 5:03Speaker 07

  There was, there was a run and obviously you never did it. I was probably the only white guy that did it, but all the black comics did it. It was a run through Oklahoma and it was four cities. It was a, you'd fly to Oklahoma City and then you'd do, you'd do Tulsa, Wichita, Walton. And then you'd end in Oklahoma City on Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And like, you had, when you were on that run, you're like, I don't, I don't think this is legit. It was like, it was like four SUVs. You're all, you got paid in cash, you know what I mean? They didn't care if there was 100 people or 10,000. That money was the same and you was getting cash. The guy never shorted your money.

• 5:39Andrew Santino?

  That's good though.

• 5:39Speaker 07

  I kept looking back on that, like, that was like 98. I was like, I think he was, I think he was cleaning his money out through us.

• 5:46Andrew Santino?

  You were a way to get away from the, the dirty money. He was selling on the side and he was going, pay these comics out, easy money.

• 5:52Speaker 07

  Every, every city, we go to an urban fashion store and we go shopping and it was like, it was like nothing. You get like all these FUBU outfits and Sean John.

• 6:03Andrew Santino?

  Kangol hats.

• 6:04Speaker 07

  And it was like, it was like, yeah, $35. It's like, that's the best deal. You give us, you give us a little bit of money, we gonna pay you back cash.

• 6:12Andrew Santino?

  So you were the only white comic, was it like a bunch of black comics and you doing this run?

• 6:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, I remember, but there were some big ones when I did it, like, I remember one run, it was me, Lavelle and Ricky Smiley. But nobody knew who we were back then, really.

• 6:24Andrew Santino?

  Wow, how wild is that?

• 6:24Speaker 07

  You know what I mean? A.J. Sanders was on there. I mean, she was like a big name because she was coming off the, a different world. Yeah, it was like, you know, it was just a run. You look back on your career, you got those.

• 6:35Andrew Santino?

  You have to, you do, you have to do them. We, I, white guys did Tribble runs. Do you know what that was?

• 6:39Speaker 07

  Tribble, no.

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  Tribble, there was a guy named Dave Tribble, who, I feel like it was like late 90s, early 2000s. And then carried, it started to die off, but it was like Winnemucca, Nevada. Or you'd do Montana, Idaho. You did like a Northwest run and it was real sad, dude. And you'd have to drive like nine hours in between the gigs, but you'd have to get there the next day. So you'd get paid, you'd party all night as hard as you could. You'd stay up all night, you'd get a couple hours of sleep. You get in your car and you have to drive seven, eight hours to the next gig and do it all over again for five days. And you probably, I probably walked away with a couple hundred bucks max by the time I got home with gas and everything.

• 7:19Speaker 07

  Oh, I remember that Oklahoma run. I remember when he called me, he was like, yeah, boss, uh, Gary, it's 1500. And I was like, what? I thought, oh my God, I made it.

• 7:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're rich, we're rich.

• 7:32Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's 1500, four cities. And then, and you know, you're just flying Southwest.

• 7:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 07

  To get to Oklahoma City.

• 7:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:39Speaker 07

  And then he's getting the hotel. So you had to get your flight, they got your hotel. But I'm there for you, it was 1500. I was like, dude, call me anytime.

• 7:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 7:45Speaker 07

  I was like, oh my God, I'm going to Jerry's Deli, food's on me, fellas. Masa ball right here, who wants a tuna melt?

• 7:52Andrew Santino?

  What do you want? What do you want? What do you want, little shushka? No, that, but that's also when guys, I heard before, this is pre my time, but I heard guys got paid, someone get paid in drugs. They'd go, yeah, I'll give you just cash and then I'll give you a little bag if you want on the side.

• 8:06Speaker 07

  Oh wow, yeah, that wasn't.

• 8:07Andrew Santino?

  You didn't dabble. No, I mean, that wasn't, I don't, that wasn't me either, but I heard the rumors of guys that would go, yeah, he'll give you 350 for the gig. But then you could take, take a little off the top and he'll give you a bag.

• 8:17Speaker 07

  Get an eight ball? 350 and an eight ball?

• 8:21Andrew Santino?

  Not for me, no, not for me, no.

• 8:22Speaker 07

  I never was in the, I never got into the drug scene.

• 8:26Andrew Santino?

  You don't, you don't smoke weed at all?

• 8:27Speaker 07

  No.

• 8:28Andrew Santino?

  Nothing.

• 8:28Speaker 07

  I mean, obviously I've never, the only drug I've ever tried is weed.

• 8:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:31Speaker 07

  And then the few times I did it, I go, I don't get it.

• 8:35Andrew Santino?

  You didn't like it?

• 8:36Speaker 07

  Nah, I always, I always felt like my throat was raspy and I go, this ain't worth it. You know what I mean? Like, I'm getting, I'm a stand-up, I need this throat.

• 8:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 07

  You know what I mean?

• 8:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:46Speaker 07

  So I was like.

• 8:46Andrew Santino?

  Nothing, you never tried anything when you were a kid? You're a Cincinnati boy, right?

• 8:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 8:50Andrew Santino?

  It was all around you for sure.

• 8:52Speaker 07

  Yeah, for sure.

• 8:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Speaker 07

  I mean, that's, that was the, people don't know like, that's Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky, Indiana area. That's the guinea pig where people run the, the heroin and the fentanyl through before they send it up to Detroit or Chicago.

• 9:07Andrew Santino?

  You guys are the test?

• 9:08Speaker 07

  We're the test ones. Cause I, you know, my brother passed it away of a, a drug overdose. I kind of got educated in it, right?

• 9:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:17Speaker 07

  Cause you know, heroin is like a daytime drug. Nobody's doing heroin at the club.

• 9:21Andrew Santino?

  I think it's an all time drug, to be honest with you.

• 9:23Speaker 07

  It's definitely a morning, I've seen it. It's a morning, you wake up and go to work, you know? Nobody's, hey, we're going to the club, all right, let me shoot up real quick before we go out. But, um, yeah, so they would do, you know, you got DUI checkpoints.

• 9:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 07

  They were having like basically heroin checkpoints, but they were in the morning. Because they, these, these white kids would come out of the suburbs or Kentucky and they're going to downtown Cincy in the hood to get their shit. And they're taking the Beltway. So that, it was like a, I don't know, it was a whole racket. Cause cops were reaching out to me when my brother passed and telling me everything, you know?

• 9:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:56Speaker 07

  About that, that world. Says, yeah, we do, we do like the heroin checkpoints. And they always know, they said, you could tell, just like you could stereotype black people, tenant windows, nice car. You know what I mean? They'll pull them over, this, it's gotta be a ball player or a drug dealer. I could see cops stereotyping. Same thing with the thing, if they see like four kids in pajamas, going to the wrong neighborhood, they're like, yeah, they're probably just about to shoot up or grab some shit.

• 10:22Andrew Santino?

  Why are these kids up at 4:30 in their pajamas, all, all half asleep in the car? That's sad shit, dude. How old was your brother when he died?

• 10:31Speaker 07

  Oh, let me see that, God, that was 11 years ago, so 81, he was 33.

• 10:35Andrew Santino?

  Damn.

• 10:35Speaker 07

  33.

• 10:36Andrew Santino?

  Wild, that's sad, I'm sorry.

• 10:37Speaker 07

  Yeah. Yeah, it's a, it's sad, but God, he had got some great stories.

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  With him?

• 10:44Speaker 07

  You know, when you got, when you got a heroin addicted brother?

• 10:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 10:47Speaker 07

  I mean, you, the stories he would tell me.

• 10:50Andrew Santino?

  Give us some.

• 10:51Speaker 07

  So, okay, so I had, my other brother also was using and dealing, right? So.

• 10:57Andrew Santino?

  You were the baby, yeah?

• 10:58Speaker 07

  No, I was the oldest.

• 10:59Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 10:59Speaker 07

  By a lot.

• 11:00Andrew Santino?

  The oldest didn't do anything and the young ones got in trouble.

• 11:03Speaker 07

  The young one did, but we had different DNA. Their dad was in and out of.

• 11:07Andrew Santino?

  They had the same father?

• 11:08Speaker 07

  They had the same dad, I had a different dad.

• 11:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 07

  So, um. So I got Dallas and Kyle are the names. Dallas, one that passed away. Kyle's the one that's still alive. But he, Dallas goes, man, Gary, I think, I think Kyle's mad at me. I said, why? He'd always call and want me to come talk. So I'd go see him wherever he was at and go talk. We lived in the same city at the time. So I said, um, why? He goes, man, he gave me all this weed. He said, and it's worth a thousand dollars and he got it for 500. He goes, so if I could sell it, I could get a thousand. Kyle was like, just give me the 500. I'll break even and you can have 500. I said, wow, that was very generous of him. Knowing he probably stole it, you know what I mean? So I said, well, why is he mad at you? He goes, man.

• 11:52Speaker 07

  He ended up giving him most of it away and smoking the other part of it. He goes, I just, I don't have it. You know, the drugs are gone. Now Kyle's mad at me because now I didn't have his money.

• 12:02Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 12:03Speaker 07

  And I go, well, do you need $500 to give to Kyle? He goes, no, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'll figure it out. He goes, man, it's almost like an epiphany. He goes, man, Gary, you know what?

• 12:13Speaker 07

  I don't know what I want to do in life, but I am not a good drug dealer.

• 12:18Speaker 07

  When I tell you the sincerity though, it was like, I don't know where I'm headed, but this is not the route.

• 12:27Andrew Santino?

  I think that's a testament. He's like, look, I tried the drug dealing thing. I smoked all my shit. And it's just not going to work out for me.

• 12:33Speaker 07

  That was very popular for three weeks.

• 12:35Andrew Santino?

  That's why I'm applying for a job here at Walgreens. I just figured this is going to be easier than selling drugs. I sold a little bit of drugs in high school, but just weed, just weed, only so we could smoke for free. That's what we did. I did that. I loved that. Yeah. I would get enough weed so we could sell some of it. Then the money we made on selling it, we just continued to be able to buy it. So we would smoke for free.

• 12:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, you probably would have been good friends with my brother.

• 12:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Well, I would have taught him what to do.

• 12:58Speaker 07

  You got that shit, Dallas?

• 12:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we used to keep it in our, um, you know, remember the removable stereo faces, you know, like the A was you could pop off. Remember those?

• 13:07Speaker 07

  Hold on, I've got a story on those.

• 13:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 13:09Speaker 07

  So that's where the CDs went in, right? You pop it off?

• 13:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, you'd take the face off so no one could steal the deck. Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 07

  So right when, um, right when CDs were coming in, right? I, uh, and cassette tapes were going out.

• 13:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 07

  I got robbed and somebody, I didn't get robbed. Somebody broke into my car in San Diego, right? And they took all the, all my cassettes out, cassette tapes. I had like an Oldsmobile Cutlass, right? And I'm telling you, this was probably mid nineties.

• 13:38Andrew Santino?

  Cutlass Supreme or just Cutlass?

• 13:40Speaker 07

  Just Oldsmobile Cutlass.

• 13:41Andrew Santino?

  You weren't a Supreme guy, huh?

• 13:43Speaker 07

  Had the white walls.

• 13:43Andrew Santino?

  Couldn't get that rag top?

• 13:44Speaker 07

  Yeah. But they, they stole, what, what was that?

• 13:51Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck was that?

• 13:54Speaker 07

  And I'm doing a, I'm doing a joke about a system and a car drives by with the laugh.

• 13:59Andrew Santino?

  That was wild. Was that right outside? Yeah.

• 14:01Speaker 07

  So the, um, they steal all my cassettes. Remember you had the sleeve of cassette tapes?

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 14:07Speaker 07

  They took all the cassettes. They took the radio out and everything. And it was hysterical because I was like, everything they stole, I was literally had an appointment at, remember Good Guys?

• 14:18Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 07

  I had an appointment at Good Guys to get the CD player put into the car and take the cassette out because everybody was transitioning. I go, these dumb asses took shit I didn't even want.

• 14:28Andrew Santino?

  They just took out your trash.

• 14:29Speaker 07

  They robbed my car and I was like, I was already switching out this week and nobody would use the cassettes anymore.

• 14:36Andrew Santino?

  Those days though of the, of, of making sure you didn't leave your shit in your car. Cause when I did go to CDs, when I first moved to Culver City, I had my big book of all my CDs that I'd had for a long time. And my car got broken into and they stole like 40 cents out of my fucking console and my book of CDs. And that killed me because I need, I loved those, man. That was like, that broke my soul. I was like, there was so much work I put into that collection of CDs.

• 14:59Speaker 07

  Especially if you burn it yourself.

• 15:01Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so many of them were burned. So many of them were burned, man. That was like at the height of burning and get trading and people being like, yo, have you heard, have you had, do you have this mix? Do you have this mix? And I got that stolen and I was like, man, Culver City. And now Culver City, by the way, one of the nicest neighborhoods.

• 15:15Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 15:16Andrew Santino?

  This is like so, like kids move, like hit his age, like mid twenties, they move there because it's hip and cool.

• 15:21Speaker 07

  That's where we shot Think Like a Man.

• 15:23Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 15:23Speaker 07

  The entire movie was Culver City.

• 15:24Andrew Santino?

  Culver City?

• 15:25Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm. Culver City High was where the basketball scenes were. Rush Street was the bar where we shot everything at.

• 15:31Andrew Santino?

  That's all, that's gone now.

• 15:32Speaker 07

  Rush Street's gone?

• 15:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's gone.

• 15:34Speaker 07

  Wow. Our trailers were all lined up on that road by that movie theater.

• 15:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right behind, like behind where the elementary school is and all that, right in the back of that movie theater, right?

• 15:43Speaker 07

  I don't know about the elementary school.

• 15:44Andrew Santino?

  It's right behind that little complex right back there.

• 15:47Speaker 07

  I mean, you're probably right.

• 15:47Andrew Santino?

  That's where I used to park because if I, if I, because I didn't want to pay for parking, so I'd park at the school. Cause they weren't going to tell you at the school, they would think that's maybe a teacher's car. But it was a Hyundai Sonata. You were like, that's gotta be a teacher's car. There's no doubt about it, dude. It wasn't a nice enough car where they'd be like, this is not a teacher. It was obviously a teacher. Yeah, I used to, I used to hide my weed in the, in the case face and I would bring it into, into school, which was so dumb. I should have been caught so many times, but we got to, if you were an athlete, if you played a sport, you always got the, you're all good. In the Midwest, dude, I grew up in Chicago. If you, if you're in the Midwest and you played a sport, cops let you go. They just, nobody cared.

• 16:24Speaker 07

  Like remember the Titans? Remember when he pulled them over? That's the best he's ever seen in 20 years. Thanks.

• 16:31Andrew Santino?

  Like get out of here, kid. I know your uncle. Get out of here.

• 16:34Speaker 07

  My, my cousin, God, I feel like I'm just talking about a family full of drug addicts now. My cousin, everybody knew he was dealing too, but he, I'll never forget, I was, I had, I was at the Tampa Improv. And he said, yo, man, my, my, my wife just left me. He was going through it, right? He goes, man, I really, can I, can I go with you for a weekend? I was like, all right. I said, uh, I said, all right, I got my flight. He goes, man, I can't get no flight mile drive though. Cincinnati to Tampa. About 12.

• 17:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's gotta be.

• 17:05Speaker 07

  So I remember I was, all right, man, be at the house at six in the morning, man. We gotta get down there. You know what I mean? So he goes, all right. The night before was his birthday. So it, it's about, you know, I said, well, my flight's at eight. I gotta leave my house at six. If you're not here at six, I'm not canceling my flight. I'm going to the airport.

• 17:23Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 17:24Speaker 07

  I'm talking 5:59. He is.

• 17:29Speaker 07

  I get in his, um, the Chrysler 300, the fake Bentley. I get in a Chrysler 300.

• 17:34Andrew Santino?

  Fake Bentley, baby.

• 17:36Speaker 07

  It just smells like liquor and weed. And I go, I gotta ride in this for 12 hours. So he's out. I said, I got, I'll drive. So I drive all the way, we're almost to Atlanta. He woke up one time in Tennessee. We stopped at Wendy's. He just woke up and I remember he got chilly and he was drinking it like, like a drink. I go, what are you doing? It's disgusting, right? So then I go, he wakes up and goes, where we at? I go, we're almost to Atlanta. He goes, all right, I'll take over. I go, all right. And then he looked, he goes, man, this is 45 miles. I go, we're driving 800. This is close.

• 18:12Andrew Santino?

  This is, we're right next door.

• 18:14Speaker 07

  So he takes over. You, I've never ridden in a car with a drug dealer that you know has been on the highway, avoiding cops like this. The entire drive, he's speeding, but he's, he's got, pulls out a police monitor, by the way, and he's doing this the whole time.

• 18:31Speaker 07

  Like the whole time, he's heads on a swivel. He's going, dude, are you all right? He goes, yeah, I'm good. Right? Then all of a sudden, he goes, hey, you might have a smoke? I said, I don't care. Just run down the window. He put a slit in the, right where the windshield, in the top of the car, this slit, whoops, pulls out this bag, drops it, it just starts rolling. He's driving, I go, oh, this is another level. And he just slides it back in there and he had like, like some kind of, uh, adhesive tape that taped it back up. It was flawless. It's like, are you, all the rumors I heard about you are true.

• 19:09Andrew Santino?

  I think the Chrysler C300s came with that, by the way. I think that was like standard and they were like in a hidden pocket for all your shit. I remember when that car was like, that Chrysler 300, uh, for that time period is today's, uh, uh, today's Hellcat or Challenger or Charger. It's the same thing. It's the same, like, it's the same, it's the car, it's like the hood's favorite car.

• 19:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 19:31Andrew Santino?

  It's the C300.

• 19:31Speaker 07

  Like I'm not where I want to be yet, but you see where I'm headed.

• 19:37Speaker 07

  You see I got goals, right?

• 19:38Andrew Santino?

  That's their slogan.

• 19:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. I'm not where I want to be yet, but you, you see where this is going, right, baby?

• 19:43Andrew Santino?

  I want, I want a Hellcat, but this'll do for now. Yeah.

• 19:46Speaker 07

  You know what I want to get now? Man, I.

• 19:49Andrew Santino?

  Are you a car guy? Do you love cars?

• 19:51Speaker 07

  I'm not a car guy like that, but I'm very, um, I'm very, how do you say the, um,

• 19:58Speaker 07

  I'm very spontaneous, like I'll

• 20:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you'll just spend money like you'll just do it.

• 20:02Speaker 07

  I don't do it, but if I've had a car for a couple of years, I'm like, yeah, it's time.

• 20:07Andrew Santino?

  You don't plan it, you go, today is the day, I'm gonna do it today.

• 20:10Speaker 07

  Yeah, I'll just see one and be like, I'm gonna get that and turn my other one in.

• 20:13Andrew Santino?

  Have you done that recently? Did you do that?

• 20:15Speaker 07

  No, I did, on the lower end, I bought a RAV4.

• 20:18Andrew Santino?

  That's a good, that's a good little car, dude.

• 20:20Speaker 07

  Well, I got the twins now.

• 20:22Andrew Santino?

  That's right, you have the, the, congrats, by the way, huge.

• 20:24Speaker 07

  So I looked up the, um, the safest SUV, and then, so we got a nanny. So the nanny's car kept breaking down, and I was like, I gotta get a car, so them boys are alright. I can't have the air conditioner going out in Houston in the summer.

• 20:38Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 20:39Speaker 07

  So I just, when I looked, I Googled like safest, small SUV.

• 20:43Andrew Santino?

  And the RAV4 is the safest?

• 20:44Speaker 07

  A hundred percent.

• 20:45Andrew Santino?

  It's not even close, huh?

• 20:46Speaker 07

  It was on every website.

• 20:47Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 20:48Speaker 07

  Toyota RAV4, Toyota RAV4.

• 20:50Andrew Santino?

  I didn't know that.

• 20:51Speaker 07

  Yeah, so I got, I got a RAV4 recently, but I kinda wanna get that, uh, what is it, that, that Ford Raptor?

• 20:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, bro, yeah.

• 20:59Speaker 07

  That mug.

• 21:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's beautiful.

• 21:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 21:01Andrew Santino?

  But they're, that's, that's a big price tag, I mean, not like you can't afford it.

• 21:04Speaker 07

  I don't even know how much it is.

• 21:05Andrew Santino?

  I think those Ra, I think those Raptors start at a hundred grand.

• 21:08Speaker 07

  Really?

• 21:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cuz you know what's so funny? Look it up, they gotta be at least eighty, right? What is it?

• 21:13Speaker 05

  Twenty twenty-six F-150 Raptor is eighty-nine thousand eight hundred eighty dollars.

• 21:18Speaker 07

  That's not bad.

• 21:19Andrew Santino?

  A hundred grand.

• 21:20Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's not bad.

• 21:20Andrew Santino?

  Eighty-nine is a hundred grand, because depending on what, you know what I mean?

• 21:23Speaker 07

  That's not terrible.

• 21:24Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not, but it's a hundred grand for a pickup truck.

• 21:27Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  Some of them are around one forty K, some of them are around one seventy K.

• 21:31Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 21:32Speaker 07

  Oh, okay, yeah, I'm gonna stick with my car then.

• 21:35Andrew Santino?

  That RAV4 sounds real nice right now.

• 21:37Speaker 07

  I'm gonna stick with my Audi.

• 21:39Andrew Santino?

  It is funny, cuz I remember when I was a kid, my buddy, my buddy Nick used to love, like Escalades, he loved, he'd go Escalade! He'd see Escalades, he loved them, and I remember back then being like, damn, they're such nice cars, and they, they were, they became like the black car, transpo car for like every, you know, car service. Yeah, everyone has one. But nowadays, we were down in Florida at this event, and we got picked up, and they drove us in the brand new Escalades, like the newest, the, not SVTs, whatever the, maybe it was the SVT, whatever their high-end souped-up one. I said, how much do these things go for? And I was like, this is beautiful, and the guy in the front goes, ah, buck eighty, two twenty, I was like, two hundred grand for an Escalade? He was like, yeah, for these, that's what they want, and I was like-

• 22:21Speaker 07

  Is it the electric?

• 22:22Andrew Santino?

  No, no, it's like a, it's like the, the V8, supercharged.

• 22:25Speaker 07

  Oh, wow.

• 22:26Andrew Santino?

  It was, but I was like, I never thought they were that kinda money, I thought they'd be seventy, eighty grand, he was like, no, they're two hundred thousand dollars now, I was like, Jesus Christ, and they're all over the, I see them everywhere, especially in LA.

• 22:37Speaker 07

  I bet.

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  LA's in, it's either that or, uh, Range Rovers are on every fucking corner.

• 22:42Speaker 07

  And all the G wagons- G wagons for sure.

• 22:44Andrew Santino?

  Do you know why, do you know why G wagons caught fire, by the way? I learned this the other day, uh, Maximini taught us, you weren't here.

• 22:51Speaker 05

  No.

• 22:52Andrew Santino?

  The, the Shah of Iran, maybe I'm saying that wrong, look it up, just look up Shah of Iran G-Wagon. He loved the, the, this design, he ordered, I wanna say fifty thousand, Maximini said it on this show, how many did, what is it?

• 23:07Speaker 05

  Twenty thousand.

• 23:08Andrew Santino?

  Twenty thousand of them, and so that's why Iranians fucking love them, cuz he loved the look, he wanted to distribute it to his military, and to his like, hot, like the highest-end people in his, in his, um-

• 23:18Speaker 07

  What year was this?

• 23:19Andrew Santino?

  What year?

• 23:20Speaker 05

  Nineteen seventy-nine.

• 23:21Andrew Santino?

  Seventy-nine.

• 23:22Speaker 07

  Okay, cuz the first G-Wagon I ever saw-

• 23:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 07

  Was when we were shooting Daddy Daycare, and Eddie Murphy pulled up.

• 23:28Andrew Santino?

  In a, in a wagon.

• 23:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, this is two thousand and three.

• 23:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:31Speaker 07

  And I was like, what, what kinda futuristic shit is Eddie Murphy riding in? And he didn't drive it.

• 23:37Andrew Santino?

  No, someone else drove it, yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 07

  But I was like, what kinda car, that's the first one I ever, first Bentley I ever saw, Will Smith.

• 23:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:45Speaker 07

  He was shooting Wild Wild West, and we had a mutual friend, and they said, hey, you wanna meet Will? And I was like, alright, so we go on the lot, and I was like, he was, um, he was so, he was so cordial in the trailer, right? And then he came out, and he was sitting in his car, and we were all just talking to him, so he's like twenty-eight at this time, and I was like, what kinda car is this? And they had like bees all over it, and I go, what does a bee mean? It's a Bentley, I go, what, I, no clue. I was like, what is that?

• 24:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 24:15Speaker 07

  I, you know, it's ninety-eight.

• 24:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 24:17Speaker 07

  I didn't know what a Bentley was, you know, so it's funny, when you look back, it just hit me, the first G-Wagon was Eddie Murphy, the first Bentley was Will Smith.

• 24:25Andrew Santino?

  In ninety-eight, when did you move to LA?

• 24:27Speaker 07

  Ninety-eight?

• 24:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right then, that was your first year.

• 24:29Speaker 07

  Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, right at the end of ninety-seven, yeah, yeah.

• 24:32Andrew Santino?

  Did you move straight from Cincinnati?

• 24:34Speaker 07

  Nah, San Diego, I was, uh, in the Navy.

• 24:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's right.

• 24:37Speaker 07

  I was in the Navy, so I was coming to LA a lot, I just didn't move here until I, cuz I was still in, I didn't get out till January ninety-eight.

• 24:43Andrew Santino?

  Did you go do shows for them ever? Did they ask you to come down to do shows and stuff for the Navy?

• 24:46Speaker 07

  Um, I used to do more, I haven't done it in a while, but, uh, I've done like the bases in Japan, South Korea, uh, Guam-

• 24:57Andrew Santino?

  Like USO stuff, or?

• 24:59Speaker 07

  No, MWR, Morale, Warfare, and Rec, USO's got a lot of restrictions on it.

• 25:03Andrew Santino?

  They do?

• 25:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, you know, they're a brand, which I get, MWR is way better.

• 25:09Andrew Santino?

  Whatever you want.

• 25:09Speaker 07

  You can say whatever you want, and then, like, when nine eleven hit, I, um, I called, I was still tied in to everyone in the military, I'm a little removed now, so I was like, yo, anything I can do? I said, I'll go over there and do some shows, I'm not even looking to get paid, I said, just gotta get me over there, so I did seven ships in seven days.

• 25:28Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 25:29Speaker 07

  And, uh, it was right when everybody got deployed after nine eleven, and I just remember, every ship, I would tell the, the captain would introduce me, it was the only comic on there, I was going up to a cold audience, right? I said, you tell them I got a PG show and a R show, it's up to them, now if they choose R, nobody can get offended, so, you know, they all chose R.

• 25:51Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 25:51Speaker 07

  Seven for seven.

• 25:52Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 25:53Speaker 07

  It was like, motherfucking R!

• 25:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, these are twenty-two-year-old kids, man.

• 25:57Speaker 07

  And the captain was like, alright, so I'm gonna let him go, it's, nobody, if you, if you feel like you can't handle it, leave now.

• 26:04Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 26:05Speaker 07

  Not one complaint.

• 26:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, of course, of course.

• 26:07Speaker 07

  You know what I mean?

• 26:08Andrew Santino?

  They needed some relief.

• 26:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, cuz I was able to talk shit about the captain and the officers, and they can't do that, you know what I mean? Like, every, every ship, I did one version of a joke where I, everyone got to yell shut up to the captain.

• 26:21Andrew Santino?

  Ooh.

• 26:21Speaker 07

  I said, this is something you cannot do, this is the one time.

• 26:24Andrew Santino?

  They paid for it afterwards.

• 26:25Speaker 07

  Say what you wanna say to him, don't cuss about, if you wanna say shut up, you're stupid, what the fuck, it was like, ahhhh! I said, that's it, it's over.

• 26:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 26:34Speaker 07

  And then most of the captains was cool, they would just sit there, ah, let me have it, it was actually a very cool moment.

• 26:39Andrew Santino?

  It was cathartic for them to get it out.

• 26:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 26:41Andrew Santino?

  But then when you left, they, they were doing squats and pushing, they were doing Gary Owens. I go, one more Owen, that's them running laps because of you.

• 26:49Speaker 07

  I mean, you hear about, you heard what, uh, recently the most, the Abraham Lincoln? That, uh, they said that-

• 26:54Andrew Santino?

  Gotta freed the slaves?

• 26:55Speaker 07

  No, USS Abraham Lincoln, the, uh, the ship.

• 26:57Andrew Santino?

  What happened?

• 26:58Speaker 07

  They, uh, he can look it up, it's been deployed since November, they haven't hit a port, and the morale's so low, guys are freaking out, like they're jumping off the ship and stuff.

• 27:06Andrew Santino?

  So they've been deployed since November of-

• 27:08Speaker 07

  November.

• 27:08Andrew Santino?

  Twenty twenty-five.

• 27:09Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 27:09Andrew Santino?

  And they've just been at sea.

• 27:11Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 27:11Andrew Santino?

  And they haven't stopped anywhere.

• 27:12Speaker 07

  No.

• 27:13Andrew Santino?

  So they get tankers out there to refuel them?

• 27:15Speaker 07

  Yeah, you got, you got, um, yeah.

• 27:17Andrew Santino?

  Why won't they, but why won't they stop?

• 27:19Speaker 07

  I don't, I don't know the reason why they haven't hit a port.

• 27:22Andrew Santino?

  So guys taking their own lives, they're jumping off the side, cuz they're freaking out?

• 27:26Speaker 07

  I'm sure, and I'm sure they're threatening to also, like-

• 27:29Andrew Santino?

  What does it say, Coney? That's dark as shit, that's wild, that's-

• 27:32Speaker 07

  Cuz you're looking at the same five thousand people.

• 27:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're also at sea all day, you're not seeing life, like there is no life, right? You're seeing kinda the same standard of, what is it?

• 27:40Speaker 05

  Because of the war.

• 27:42Andrew Santino?

  In, in Iraq?

• 27:43Speaker 05

  That they're in the Middle East.

• 27:44Andrew Santino?

  But they're just saying they can't stop.

• 27:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, this occurred due to a shortage of available aircraft carriers to maintain a regional blockade, duties and ongoing operation required tied to the conflict with Iran.

• 27:52Speaker 07

  Cuz you gotta realize, when you're an aircraft carrier, you're basically an airport-

• 27:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 27:56Speaker 07

  In the middle of the ocean, so they're just like, yo, just, it's almost like, I, I can't explain it, but it's almost like, hey, it's, we're not, we're not trying to figure this out right now, just keep that there, so the planes can land, get off, and we're solid, but your, your morale. Shit, I was out for, I think the longest I was ever deployed was probably two months.

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  At sea?

• 28:17Speaker 07

  I was losing my shit.

• 28:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:19Speaker 07

  Because, and that was all guys, at least the Lincoln's got girls on it, anything, you gotta have sex with the girls, you just gotta be around a scent of a woman a little bit, something, you know what I mean? And I know that, I know, if they've been out that long, man, it's, it's nothing but Halle Berry's on that ship right now.

• 28:38Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 28:40Speaker 07

  Them boys are like, you look amazing.

• 28:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:44Speaker 07

  Like, I'll, I'll tell any wife or any husband that has somebody on that Lincoln, you gotta know that's a hall pass, and you can't-

• 28:52Andrew Santino?

  You gotta give them the hall pass, they're serving the country, man, let them do it.

• 28:55Speaker 07

  Well, I'm saying, that, that's just, that's just being human.

• 28:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:58Speaker 07

  At that point.

• 28:58Andrew Santino?

  What can they do out there?

• 29:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, and same for, it's not healthy for families, it's just, that's one thing they're not talking about, it's not, I think, I've always said like, they should have this thing called a fuck leave, in the military.

• 29:10Andrew Santino?

  Take fuck leave.

• 29:11Speaker 07

  You just, you, wherever your spouse is at, you, you just fly home, she's, she's been over waiting on you, bang, bang, bang, hi baby, see ya, and then go back, it would save marriages, it would save morale, you know, guys be on that flight, and you can get them a coach flight, middle seat, they're just gonna be like-

• 29:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they can't wait.

• 29:30Andrew Santino?

  Hard as a rock in the middle seat.

• 29:31Speaker 07

  You don't say nothing. You ain't gotta see the kids. Just walk in.

• 29:34Andrew Santino?

  Just staring forward at the other seat, not even looking at a screen, just raw dog in the flight. That fuck leaf is smart. Cause it would help.

• 29:42Speaker 07

  Dude, it would save so many relationships.

• 29:44Andrew Santino?

  They have conjugal visits in prison for that very reason. They were like, if we don't start doing this, this is, it's gonna be bad.

• 29:49Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 29:49Andrew Santino?

  So they do that to save the face of a lot of bad shit that goes on.

• 29:52Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 29:53Andrew Santino?

  When you don't let these people do what they have to do. But that's because you always hear on the internet, right? I have no connective tissue to it, but you read a stuff on the internet about like, people get deployed and the spouses, people are, you know, sleeping around while they're on the boat because they're gone, vice versa. And it's just, it's such a, it's a long time. And most of these kids are what? Twenty? What's the average age? Twenty-three?

• 30:11Speaker 07

  Yeah. You're in your twenties getting married.

• 30:13Andrew Santino?

  That's tough. That's real tough. So I think, listen up, government, and they're always listening to our podcast. Let's do a fuck leaf. Let's institute a fuck leaf. The G O, the G O fuck leaf. We'll call it the G O fuck leaf.

• 30:23Speaker 07

  I'm telling you, I was in, I know it would work.

• 30:26Andrew Santino?

  You, because you were on it, you were on, you were on a carrier. You were on aircraft carrier.

• 30:29Speaker 07

  No, I wasn't on a carrier. I was on a sub tender, uh, and then an LSD, which is, I don't, I don't really know what LSD means. But it's, I was on the boxer and I was on the Cape Cod. And both I was only on for a short time. I wasn't on.

• 30:41Andrew Santino?

  Couple of months isn't that bad.

• 30:42Speaker 07

  Yeah. Cause I tore my ACL.

• 30:44Andrew Santino?

  Smart.

• 30:44Speaker 07

  So I, I, I get to San Diego, I report this ship called the Cape Cod. I tore my ACL playing pickup basketball. And then I didn't know it was tore when I first got there. And I kept going up and down the ladders and my knee would just swell up. I was like, something ain't right. I go to the doctor. You got ACL tear. I get taken off the shit, got put on shore duty. Knee heals up. I get put on another ship, the, the boxer. And I'm on the softball team, the ship softball team. And I swung the bat and I knew it. I went, eh, I go, that didn't feel right. And it was like a base hit. And it was like, run. I go, I can't. I was just sitting at home.

• 31:18Speaker 07

  And I knew it when I felt it. Come to find out, it didn't heal right. The, so your ACL is like this, when you, you know, you tear it's like this. When they heal it, it's back here. Mine healed like this. There's a little overlap. So they said, it was just a matter of time. It just didn't heal right. And then the doctor, you know, I didn't, probably didn't have the best doctors, you know? Cause I remember when I got out, I, um, I got it scoped. And I went to the USC guy that does the football team and he was like, who did your knee? And I was like, the Navy? He goes, I was gonna say Sue.

• 31:55Speaker 07

  That didn't make me feel good.

• 31:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no.

• 31:57Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 31:59Andrew Santino?

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• 32:38Andrew Santino?

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• 33:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I mean, you know, well, you'd have been a bad draft pick. You got injured twice like that, man. I wouldn't.

• 33:27Speaker 07

  Back to, I mean, backed up. Back. I'm talking, and it heals up. It was like, you know, what, eighteen months apart?

• 33:34Andrew Santino?

  Damn.

• 33:34Speaker 07

  And the rehab's almost a year.

• 33:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a long time. Well, unless you're a, unless you're a pro athlete, then it's like six months.

• 33:39Speaker 07

  This is back then.

• 33:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 33:41Speaker 07

  It was different back then.

• 33:42Andrew Santino?

  Cause Mahomes, what? Mahomes healed in a record amount of time. It's unbelievable.

• 33:46Speaker 07

  Different now.

• 33:46Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's also dude, he's a young, he's that athlete in his blood. His dad was a professional athlete. I mean, some of these guys are blessed with magic that you just can't understand.

• 33:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 33:55Andrew Santino?

  Like you see them operate and you're like, oh, right. You're, God gave, God made you literally different. You're just something else is.

• 34:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 34:01Andrew Santino?

  You can't even explain what that is. When you see them in action, whether it's playing sports or like the way they live their life and go back doing something, it's mind blowing.

• 34:08Speaker 07

  Seven months.

• 34:09Andrew Santino?

  Seven months is fucking unheard of. The average like non-athlete takes at least a year. Like a regular Joe Schmo. Like if my dad did it, he's out for fucking two and a half years, you know? My dad, he's gotta get knee surgery. He can't even walk up the stairs anymore. And so now when we're like out and about somewhere, like we took him out to brunch yesterday and there was high stairs and he was like, let's just eat downstairs.

• 34:31Speaker 07

  We're good.

• 34:31Andrew Santino?

  I said, I said, I said, how about this? Walk up the stairs and I'll put my hands out. So if your ass falls, you can fall in and I can carry you up the stairs. Yeah, I was just back home yesterday. But he's, you know, because he's gotta get his knees done. His knees are just totally fucked. But it's from years of, he played basketball forever. He only quit now in his like sixties. I think he just was like, I can't do it anymore.

• 34:52Speaker 07

  He played basketball all the way through his sixties?

• 34:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he played in the church league for a long time, a men's league for a long time. Yeah, till about his young sixties and then he had to quit, man.

• 34:59Speaker 07

  Yeah, those church floors, they're never stopped.

• 35:02Andrew Santino?

  Well, a lot of them, this, it's like this shit carpet. It's the carpet.

• 35:04Speaker 07

  Yeah, I've played in some church leagues before. What are we doing right here?

• 35:07Andrew Santino?

  You trip on that real easy, by the way. You get a shoe caught up in that. I'd go play with them in the church leagues and I hated it because if you went for a ball and you fell on this, my God, you get rug, the rug burn hurts so far. I quit, I quit years ago because I was sick of the injuries. I got hurt the first time I moved out here. I went to play ball in Venice. And every, with this guy that I knew at this.

• 35:28Speaker 07

  On the concrete?

• 35:29Andrew Santino?

  Out, yeah, out by the beach.

• 35:31Speaker 07

  You just want to be like your daddy.

• 35:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, white men can't jump, dude. You see white men can't jump. You're like, I want to go to that beach. Like that was like a dream of me. So I went down there to play with this kid that I knew that I, that was in my, um, in my neighborhood. And we would go down there and the first week, uh, I still have the scar on my hand. You see the white scar on my hand. I go up to block a shot and my hand hits the backboard. I can get up, just so you know. I used to be able to fucking, I'll show you photos. But I go to block the ball and the bottom of the backboard was rusty because of the sea air. And my hand, it slit my hand like a knife through butter.

• 36:08Speaker 07

  Like a shank, huh?

• 36:08Andrew Santino?

  Oh my God, dude. I went and go like this and then I pulled my hand out and the dude, this dude next to me goes, oh shit! There's blood everywhere and I was like, oh fuck! And the one, the one dude off the side is like, get yourself a tennis shot, bro. I was like, what is that? He's like, you got it for sure.

• 36:27Speaker 07

  Venice, dude?

• 36:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude. Bad news.

• 36:29Speaker 07

  Can't imagine.

• 36:30Andrew Santino?

  I know. I know. I don't know what I've got. I never got tested. We'll figure it out. But after all the injuries I had, Hoop, and I just, you don't play anymore, do you?

• 36:38Speaker 07

  No.

• 36:38Andrew Santino?

  No chance. Yeah, you quit.

• 36:39Speaker 07

  I, I stopped playing sports when I was playing softball and, uh, a guy hits a ball in the outfield. I'm just going to get it, pull my hamstring. I went, eh, I go, oh, we're done here.

• 36:50Andrew Santino?

  We're done.

• 36:51Speaker 07

  Like literally, we're done.

• 36:52Andrew Santino?

  That's enough of that.

• 36:52Speaker 07

  Yeah. It was, it was a normal trot too, like, it's like, yeah. Come limping back in, I go, I am done. They go, when you be back? I go, never.

• 37:00Andrew Santino?

  Never. This is it.

• 37:01Speaker 07

  Yeah. Find another left fielder, guys.

• 37:02Andrew Santino?

  Sign me out, coach. I'm out. That's game for me. I do golf, white guy stuff. That's white, that's white guy sport.

• 37:07Speaker 07

  Get into golf. My, one of my openers, he's always trying to get me to play golf.

• 37:11Andrew Santino?

  Who is it? Do I know who it is?

• 37:12Speaker 07

  T-Rob. He's out of Pittsburgh.

• 37:13Andrew Santino?

  I love the name.

• 37:14Speaker 07

  You, you guys should link if you're ever in Pittsburgh.

• 37:18Andrew Santino?

  I'd love to. T-Rob.

• 37:20Speaker 07

  Yeah. He, he just won Cedric's, um, celebrity thing.

• 37:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he did?

• 37:24Speaker 07

  Two weeks ago.

• 37:24Andrew Santino?

  T-Rob.

• 37:25Speaker 07

  So I called Cedric and, um, I said, yo Cedric, uh, my opener loves golf and he saw you have one. Can I, can I get him in? It was sold out. So Cedric goes, yeah, if he makes a little donation to my charity, I'll, I'll get him in. And they ended up winning the whole thing.

• 37:38Andrew Santino?

  Wow. Who made the donation though?

• 37:40Speaker 07

  No, no, he made it.

• 37:40Andrew Santino?

  Did he?

• 37:41Speaker 07

  It's, I'm not there.

• 37:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know, but he's your opener. He's your opener.

• 37:46Speaker 07

  It ended up working out because he won some stuff.

• 37:48Andrew Santino?

  I was gonna say, probably won some money.

• 37:49Speaker 07

  The donation paid for itself.

• 37:51Andrew Santino?

  Good, good.

• 37:52Speaker 07

  Yeah. So he, uh, Cedric like, damn, how you gonna just show up and win the whole thing? You know what I mean?

• 37:57Andrew Santino?

  He's like, Gary, don't send this motherfucker my way ever again.

• 37:59Speaker 07

  Yeah. He won, uh, same thing. I had him in, um, uh, Florida, this big, um, there's this big one down in Florida. Uh, it's in January, like all these NFL, um, baseball Hall of Famers are down there. There's some celebs too, but it's out of, it's Texas based one. I don't know what the guy does, but he's huge.

• 38:18Andrew Santino?

  Oil.

• 38:19Speaker 07

  Probably.

• 38:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. What else do they fucking do?

• 38:20Speaker 07

  Yeah. But he, um, it used to be Reggie Jackson and then this guy took it over.

• 38:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow.

• 38:25Speaker 07

  And then, uh, he went down there, got him in that one. He won that.

• 38:29Andrew Santino?

  Shut the fuck up. T-Rob?

• 38:31Speaker 07

  T-Rob.

• 38:32Andrew Santino?

  Who is this guy?

• 38:33Speaker 07

  He, he plays golf every day.

• 38:35Andrew Santino?

  Good. So when he's on the road with you, he goes, he'll sneak out and then meet you in the afternoon.

• 38:40Speaker 07

  If we're in a city where, you know, Naples, he's definitely bringing his clubs.

• 38:46Andrew Santino?

  Anywhere in Florida.

• 38:46Speaker 07

  Tampa, he's bringing his, yeah, Florida, yeah, yeah. He's bringing his clubs. But he's like, dude, why don't you play golf, dog? I go, it's never gonna happen.

• 38:52Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 38:53Speaker 07

  I tried to play for like, in that one in Florida, I got about three holes. Like I'm going back to the clubhouse, guys. I'm sick of finding these balls.

• 39:00Andrew Santino?

  I get it. It's a frustrating thing. But what are you doing then? You just staying in the gym? You gotta do something, man. You got two new, you got two new kids.

• 39:07Speaker 07

  I like working out. And I, you know, I'm an old man now, so I like taking my walks.

• 39:11Andrew Santino?

  How old are you?

• 39:12Speaker 07

  Fifty-three. I like getting my walks in.

• 39:14Andrew Santino?

  You're not that old, bro. Don't do, that's not that old. You might as well sound like you're sixty-five.

• 39:19Speaker 07

  I'll tell you a great golf story. You'd appreciate it as a golfer.

• 39:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 39:22Speaker 07

  So you ever heard of, um, what's that one in Portland? Uh, Pumpkin Ridge, Pumpkin, something? Um, it's the one where Tiger Woods played his last amateur golf outing.

• 39:34Andrew Santino?

  I think it is Pumpkin Ridge.

• 39:35Speaker 07

  It's a Pumpkin Ridge? And he announced it when he got done, I'm going pro. So they have a statue of him on like, let's say the 12th hole where he announced it, right? So it was Brian Grant is, uh, used to play for the Trail Blazers. He's got Parkinson's now, right? So he had a big Parkinson's benefit. And I, it's the only time I played eighteen holes. And they pair a celeb up with other people, right? Dude, it's a scramble. They, they have not used my ball one time, right? It's just pointless.

• 40:03Andrew Santino?

  Your morale. You're there for the morale. Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 07

  Why on that hole where the, where the news camera was, where ESPN, wherever, all the cameras were, were posted up at that hole because it's the Tiger Woods hole, right? And I go up, hick!

• 40:19Speaker 07

  Right on the green, ding, ding, ding. And my whole team goes, what the fuck? Who's that? I go, camera's on, baby.

• 40:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. He needs the lights. The kid needs the lights.

• 40:29Speaker 07

  You literally heard the reporter be like, ooh. Oh, Gary.

• 40:33Andrew Santino?

  Nasty.

• 40:33Speaker 07

  I didn't know you had skills like that. And when I say the only ball in eighteen holes was that one.

• 40:39Andrew Santino?

  It's the only one that matters.

• 40:39Speaker 07

  Heck. Even I went, where's it? I'm so used to looking in the trees. I go, where'd it go? They go, it's on the green, bro.

• 40:49Andrew Santino?

  That's all you need is when the lights are on.

• 40:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 40:51Andrew Santino?

  That's the hot shit.

• 40:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 40:52Andrew Santino?

  When the lights up, that's how you perform. That's why you're, that's why you've done so well in your fucking career, man. Because when the lights are on, you can do it.

• 40:58Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 40:59Andrew Santino?

  It's true, right?

• 41:00Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:00Andrew Santino?

  I mean, you don't stumble under pressure. I don't think I've ever seen you not do well.

• 41:04Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's, it's weird. Like, I know it sounds conceited, but never got booed.

• 41:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're one of those guys. I think you, you're affable. You're really, you have like a, people wanna, people wanna hear you say it. I think that's why you've done so well. I mean, seriously, people like, you know, I'm giving you your flowers. But I, I just think i- if anybody, if anybody has ever talked about you in the comedy community, it's that you, you're one of those guys that works hard and that does kill it. So there's nothing bad to say about you. I mean, there's a few other things I can say about you, but I just won't.

• 41:37Speaker 07

  Please share.

• 41:38Andrew Santino?

  No, no, I got nothing. I got nothing. Are you touring a new special right now? What are you doing?

• 41:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, so I, I'm on my, my tour starts this week, actually. Um, No Hard Feelings. We did, we did the first half of the year. So Icon called last summer. It was like, we want to give you a hundred city tour.

• 41:54Andrew Santino?

  Hundred city?

• 41:55Speaker 07

  Hundred city. So I was like, alright.

• 41:57Andrew Santino?

  So heavy lift.

• 41:58Speaker 07

  So we did the first half, took the summer off. I did a couple of clubs, went to Australia, did tour over there for the first time.

• 42:05Andrew Santino?

  Down there.

• 42:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, it was dope. That's the best coffee I ever had in my life, by the way.

• 42:08Andrew Santino?

  Melbourne? Yeah, it's the best.

• 42:11Speaker 07

  I was there for a week.

• 42:12Andrew Santino?

  I loved it down there.

• 42:13Speaker 07

  So we had like a four day window. We had Melbourne, and then we had a four day window before we went to Perth.

• 42:18Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:18Speaker 07

  And we just stayed in Melbourne.

• 42:21Speaker 07

  I was like, there's, there's a coffee shop that had this peanut butter latte?

• 42:25Andrew Santino?

  Unreal.

• 42:26Speaker 07

  What the f-? He hooked me. Thank you, Joe Coy, because I started talking to the owner, young guy. And he goes, um, are you, yeah, I forget, we got a accent over there.

• 42:36Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:37Speaker 07

  Cause you're in the States? Like, they're excited.

• 42:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 42:39Speaker 07

  And I go, yeah. He goes, yeah, I've never been. And we're just talking. You've never been to the United States? He goes, nah. And then he's like talking, and he goes, what are you here for? I said, well, I had a show last night in Melbourne. I'm on tour out here, but I'm, I'm in Perth next. He goes, oh, what's your name? I'll have to look you up. And I go, yeah. I said, do you like comedy? He goes, yeah. And then he's, he goes, yeah, I like, I go, Joe Coy?

• 42:59Speaker 07

  He goes, oh, I FaceTimed Joe. I go, Joe? And he goes, bro. He, he went from Australia to, to a surfer guy. He goes, bro.

• 43:08Andrew Santino?

  Bro.

• 43:08Speaker 07

  Ultimate flex.

• 43:12Speaker 07

  I said, Joe, I'm just using to get free lattes and tarts.

• 43:17Andrew Santino?

  You're never paying for a drink again down there with Joe Coy.

• 43:19Speaker 07

  But, uh, yeah, um, but I got sidetracked. But, um, yeah, we pick up this week. And so we're, we got another fifty between now and, uh, New Year's Eve.

• 43:30Andrew Santino?

  Does the family come with you ever or no?

• 43:32Speaker 07

  Not, not, not a lot.

• 43:33Andrew Santino?

  It's hard on the road, man.

• 43:34Speaker 07

  It's, it's, you know, it's three cities in three days.

• 43:37Andrew Santino?

  Bouncing, yeah, it's too tough.

• 43:38Speaker 07

  You know, like, like, like.

• 43:39Andrew Santino?

  And your twins are how old?

• 43:40Speaker 07

  Three.

• 43:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 43:42Speaker 07

  So like, even like this weekend, it's like, um, it's Grand Rapids, it's, uh, Toledo and Peoria. And then next week is like Stockton, San Jose and Redding. So it's like, every city's like two hours away. You're driving. It's like.

• 44:00Andrew Santino?

  It's hard.

• 44:00Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 44:01Andrew Santino?

  You're not doing a bus, though.

• 44:03Speaker 07

  No, no, we, we just get a, we just rent an SUV and it's only me and two other people.

• 44:08Andrew Santino?

  Do you drive? You have a driver?

• 44:09Speaker 07

  I never drive.

• 44:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you can't drive.

• 44:11Speaker 07

  One of my guys drives.

• 44:12Andrew Santino?

  But, oh yeah, so you have someone that, someone that opens.

• 44:14Speaker 07

  One of my openers, the camera guy drives. And then, you know, the, the tour has a tour manager. He gets here on his own.

• 44:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he doesn't go with you guys?

• 44:21Speaker 07

  No, no, he's, he's got his own thing.

• 44:23Andrew Santino?

  He's gotta get there early.

• 44:24Speaker 07

  Yeah. He's at the theater all day. And then the merch guys, they're there too.

• 44:27Andrew Santino?

  That's what we do. We send our, we send Carlos there a day or two early. Also, because we don't want to be near him when we're traveling. Get his ass away from me, dude. We love him, but also.

• 44:37Speaker 07

  He's a travel risk.

• 44:38Andrew Santino?

  He's a huge travel risk.

• 44:39Speaker 07

  Is that, he's your opener?

• 44:40Andrew Santino?

  No, he's our tour manager. Yeah. And you never know with him. He could be.

• 44:43Speaker 07

  Are you, are you with Live Nation?

• 44:45Andrew Santino?

  Uh, is this guy, this guy's our personal guy. But yeah, we usually do our shows with, no, we, we've used them. We've done Outback. We've done, um.

• 44:53Speaker 07

  You doing it yourself or is you and Bobby?

• 44:56Andrew Santino?

  We've done both, but we just did our tour. Bobby's out there by himself now. I'm done for the year. I'm, I'm taking the rest of the year off. I'm gonna get back to it next year. Take some time for me.

• 45:05Speaker 00

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• 45:21Speaker 01

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• 45:35Speaker 05

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• 45:38Speaker 05

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• 46:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, it took a month. I, I canceled Europe. I was supposed to go from Australia to Europe. Like, I think I got too excited. And then I did my last show in Sydney and I had like, again, three, four days before I was gonna fly to Berlin. And I just went, I'm tired.

• 46:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a long way, man.

• 46:20Speaker 07

  And I was like, this is about to be a thirty, thirty hour, fifty-five minute travel day.

• 46:26Andrew Santino?

  Nah.

• 46:27Speaker 07

  And I was like this, I go, then I found out there's a heat wave in Europe. And I've really just, for the first time in my life, I felt my body like, bro, go home.

• 46:37Andrew Santino?

  Go home.

• 46:37Speaker 07

  For like a month.

• 46:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 07

  So I took a month. Probably the longest I've ever taken off.

• 46:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, go see your wife that you like.

• 46:43Speaker 07

  Yeah, exactly. She came to Australia. She came. Yeah, she came to Australia for, for a week.

• 46:48Andrew Santino?

  So you got it in Down Under. That's good.

• 46:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. I said, dude, we're fucking international.

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  How many different countries have we fucked in?

• 46:56Speaker 07

  Yeah, I've done that before. I've literally said, dude, look at all these states we fucked in.

• 46:59Andrew Santino?

  We've counted it.

• 47:00Speaker 07

  You have?

• 47:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you have. I've counted it. I'm like, babe, we fucked overseas, on islands.

• 47:06Speaker 07

  I literally be like, I'll be, something like this. I go, you gotta come to Idaho. We get bucket list.

• 47:12Andrew Santino?

  It's on our checklist.

• 47:13Speaker 07

  Just fly in.

• 47:15Andrew Santino?

  Fuck me, fly out of here.

• 47:16Speaker 07

  Fuck leave, like on the Navy thing.

• 47:17Andrew Santino?

  Fuck leave. The Geo fuck leave.

• 47:20Speaker 07

  Come on, babe.

• 47:21Andrew Santino?

  We need to institute it. Uh, I know you got a flight to catch. I'm gonna get you gone soon. Oh, you're not? You're good? Okay, good.

• 47:26Speaker 07

  That's why I asked to do thirty minutes earlier.

• 47:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, that's right.

• 47:30Speaker 07

  In case we were vibing.

• 47:30Andrew Santino?

  I was like.

• 47:31Speaker 07

  My, listen, my flight's at three.

• 47:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're good.

• 47:34Speaker 07

  And it's JetSuite. I can get there at two thirty.

• 47:36Andrew Santino?

  Love that J S X. Walk on, walk off, huh?

• 47:39Speaker 07

  I guess it's J S X now. It's not JetSuite anymore.

• 47:41Andrew Santino?

  Same shit. It's the same shit. Yeah. Which also does make me nervous though, because sometimes you see the pilots on there and you're like, that kid is like eighteen. He just got his shit.

• 47:49Speaker 07

  I know, right?

• 47:50Andrew Santino?

  He's, he's like, does anybody know how to tie a tie? You're like, that guy's flying our plane. I get fucking nervous, man. For people that don't know, there's like a, it's like a small plane service. It's like a regional jet. Uh, the same thing is when you take a regional jet across the Midwest, same size plane, but they fly, you know, here out of smaller airports in the, on the West Coast. And so we take them all the time because it's easier, but.

• 48:09Speaker 07

  But it's, it's, it's, it's like a hybrid. It's like not private.

• 48:12Andrew Santino?

  It's not private. It's public.

• 48:13Speaker 07

  You feel like, you, they, they make you feel like you're flying private just with eight strangers.

• 48:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you just have to go through, you don't have to go through regular security at the fucking airport. Cause I, you know.

• 48:25Speaker 07

  And you can get there like literally twenty minutes before the flight takes off.

• 48:28Andrew Santino?

  So nice. Yeah, just walk in, walk out. Oh, I love it. Well, cause me, you know, fucking Delta canceled my, you know, pushed my flight, then, then, I've never seen this. Then they made it earlier. I was going to Scotland a couple of weeks ago. Then on the way to New York, they diverted us to Atlanta. Uh, we can't land. There's a tornado warning in Long Island. I was like, great. So then as I'm in Atlanta, sitting on the runway, my flight to Scotland takes off. So I go to New York, have to kill a day. The next day, I'm excited. I'm going to Scotland. So I go to the lounge to go get something to eat. I meet this old lady next to me and I'm flirting with her, having a good time, you know? She's sweet old lady by herself. She's like, I'm trim. This is my first time in Edinburgh.

• 49:04Andrew Santino?

  And I'm telling her where to go. And so we have a cocktail together. And then we go to get on the plane and I wait till the very end because I don't have any bag. I've checked my bags. I don't know why people are like, let's get on the plane fast. You're like, why?

• 49:17Speaker 07

  We had this discussion last time.

• 49:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:19Speaker 07

  I board first.

• 49:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh, see, why?

• 49:21Speaker 07

  I like to get comfortable.

• 49:22Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 49:23Speaker 07

  And sit.

• 49:24Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing? You're gonna just sit there and watch people go by?

• 49:26Speaker 07

  Well, one thing, I don't like. The, the.

• 49:30Andrew Santino?

  Overhead bin space?

• 49:31Speaker 07

  The tarmac.

• 49:31Andrew Santino?

  Oh, oh.

• 49:32Speaker 07

  But the tarmac too, the, what is it? The jet bridge?

• 49:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:35Speaker 07

  I don't, I don't like to wait in line.

• 49:37Andrew Santino?

  So, so I wait till it's all boarded. Wait till everyone's on and go on last.

• 49:41Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 49:42Andrew Santino?

  That's what I do. Just wait till it's over.

• 49:43Speaker 07

  You don't have any bags?

• 49:44Andrew Santino?

  If you check bags. If I don't have any ba- if I have a backpack, I throw it under my shit and I'm fine. Uh, and then I walk up to the gate and I'm like, hey, I'm excited. And, and then she's like, sir, come here. I'm like, what? And the guy's like, where are you coming from? I was like, what? New York. Geez, where were you before this? I was like, in the lounge. How many drinks have you had? I was like, what? I mean, I had one fucking cocktail. I was like, I'm an alcoholic, brother. This is, I hope you, no, this is not affecting me. One drink. And he was like, we just gotta make sure no one's getting on the plane, you know, intoxicated. I was like, are you fucking kidding? I couldn't believe it. And then my mind thought, don't be a smart ass, cause how quick are they to call the cops now?

• 50:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, you can't.

• 50:26Andrew Santino?

  No, you have to just go, look, man. I go, look, man, I'm getting on the plane. I'm totally fine. I had, you know. Maybe I was too jovial when I said hello. What a fucking, that's how New York is at. I go, hi. And they're like, this guy's fucked up.

• 50:40Andrew Santino?

  In the Midwest.

• 50:40Speaker 07

  You're gonna let a happy drunk get on the flight?

• 50:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:43Speaker 07

  I'm so fucked up right now.

• 50:44Andrew Santino?

  Right. I was in a good mood. I was like, hey. I wasn't like, yeah, yeah, storming through the fucking, like, what's his name? What was the fighter they caught him? Poirier.

• 50:51Speaker 07

  Poirier.

• 50:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Man, he was gonna fight the fucking gate attendant. That was wild, dude.

• 50:56Speaker 07

  He's like, I will fuck you up. You wanna fight? You wanna fight? What's up?

• 51:00Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, I don't wanna fight you. You do this for money. That's crazy. He was ready to knock that dude out. No, see, I board last, dude. You, you, you, try mine once. Just get on last. You cruise on, you don't have to think about it.

• 51:12Speaker 07

  I'm gonna do that today at JSX.

• 51:14Andrew Santino?

  Well, that won't fucking matter. Yeah. That's not gonna mean anything to you. Back to Houston. Yeah? That's where you're going now?

• 51:20Speaker 07

  No, no, I'm going to Vegas.

• 51:21Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's right, that's right.

• 51:21Speaker 07

  I'm doing a show for the, yeah, uh, Fraternal Order of Police. So it's gonna be like three thousand cops.

• 51:28Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 51:29Speaker 07

  And me.

• 51:30Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 51:30Speaker 07

  I love it because the, the lady that booked it, she was like, uh, I said, any restrictions? She goes, these are cops.

• 51:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, dude, you're good.

• 51:39Speaker 07

  Whatever you want. I was like this, and it's, the show's at ten in the morning.

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, ten AM?

• 51:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:44Andrew Santino?

  Holy shit.

• 51:44Speaker 07

  They're doing like an awards thing.

• 51:46Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right, right, right, right.

• 51:47Speaker 07

  Show and they wanna entertain it and, you know, again, power of the internet, I posted so many clips of me being a cop in the Navy.

• 51:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 51:55Speaker 07

  That's what they got wind of me. They was like, we want him.

• 51:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 51:58Speaker 07

  You know what I mean? So it's, yeah, it's gonna be good. And then one of my openers is ex-military, so I'm, I'm bringing him to break the ice.

• 52:05Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 52:05Speaker 07

  Do you ever do this with your openers?

• 52:07Andrew Santino?

  You need someone to crack that ice, man.

• 52:08Speaker 07

  Man, we did a, we did, uh, T-Rod, the same guy in Pittsburgh. Man, he took an L from me one time for, for Procter and Gamble. Yo, they said, um, any, any, anything we can and cannot say? And they was like, um, no, I mean, you know, just read the room, but we're not gonna restrict you that much. So who didn't ride in with like dick, pussy, fuck, shit, right? It was all these women like this.

• 52:35Speaker 07

  Right? And they, dude, they said, somebody came in and said, get him off now, right? So he's supposed to do like twenty, I think he did like eight.

• 52:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh, shit.

• 52:44Speaker 07

  He got off and I just gave him a damn. I go, I appreciate that.

• 52:50Andrew Santino?

  Thank you, bro.

• 52:51Speaker 07

  He took that L for me.

• 52:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 52:53Speaker 07

  So now I knew where to go with this crowd.

• 52:55Andrew Santino?

  Right. Well, that's what he gets paid to do.

• 52:57Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:57Andrew Santino?

  Gauge the room. He fucked up. That's fine. Then, by the way, then you can only look good. Like, you know, you're going, like, you knew you were gonna do well, but now you're gonna kill extra hard, cause you already know the slot that you need to fill.

• 53:09Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  Procter and Gamble, did you think that the, the chemical company wanted pussy?

• 53:14Speaker 07

  I was shocked. I was like, we literally asked. We go, anything? They go, no, just fill it out. They didn't like give us much, right? Alright, dude. I like, bitch, suckin' my dick.

• 53:28Speaker 07

  I see you, I see you, girl. You suck dick. I was like this, yo! Maybe it was a little hard?

• 53:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. My favorite one was, this is not my story to tell, but I have to tell it. Were you with us with fucking, with Regan?

• 53:42Speaker 07

  No.

• 53:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. My favorite. I run into Brian Regan's brother. You know Brian?

• 53:46Speaker 07

  Yeah, his brother opened up for me a couple of times.

• 53:48Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I know. Okay, so we run into his brother at the hotel in the elevator. He's like, what the fuck are you guys doing? I said, we're playing a show here. What do you mean, what are we doing here? What do you think? I hate when comics see you, they're like, what are you doing here? You're like, take a guess, you fucking idiot.

• 53:58Speaker 07

  We're in Des Moines.

• 53:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. What do you think we're, so we're, we're, I said, we're doing a show. He goes, Brian's, he'll want, he'll wanna know that you guys are here. I said, well, tell him, tell him what's up. Tell him to come by. We're at the Met, we're at the Met in Philly, right?

• 54:10Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 54:10Andrew Santino?

  And I said, come by. And he's like, okay, he has a corporate at like five. We'll come by after. We'll catch the, on the end of your show. I said, great. Um, so they come by after the show and Brian's got a couple buddies and he's already like, had a couple sodas. Like, he's feeling good. And I was like, how was that gig? He's like, fucking nightmare. And I was like, why was it so bad? He goes, well, the only guy who knew who I was was the guy that booked me. I go, no one in the crowd? He goes, no. And then, they got the fucking nerve. I said, okay, so it goes, me and then the band. And they go, no, it's the band and then you. He goes, you can't do music then comedy. You gotta do comedy then music.

• 54:55Andrew Santino?

  Nobody wants to hear a great song and then go, you wanna hear some jokes? And he goes, the guy refuses. He goes, that's the lineup that they wanted. I said, well, who was the band? He goes, you ever heard of Hall and Oates? I go, yeah. He goes, one of those guys. I was like, oh shit, dude. He had to follow that.

• 55:16Speaker 07

  Better hope it was Oates, cause Hall sang all the songs.

• 55:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude. I don't even, I don't give a shit if it was grand. It was, it was bad. I was like, bro. He's like, he's like, they're singing. Then I get up there and I'm thinking, okay, settle into the pocket. He goes, I do a couple of jokes, nothing. Then he goes, well, I'll get him one of the hits. So he does, what was it?

• 55:36Speaker 05

  Well, the guy before said they're all waiting for specific jokes.

• 55:39Andrew Santino?

  That's right, yeah.

• 55:40Speaker 07

  They want old shit?

• 55:41Speaker 05

  They would love this one, they would love this one.

• 55:43Andrew Santino?

  Lacing off, but this is this guy. It's not the crowd, it's what the buyer wanted.

• 55:47Speaker 07

  Right.

• 55:48Andrew Santino?

  Cause he was a huge fan. And so he did Pop Tarts, is that the one?

• 55:51Speaker 05

  Sort of going back into some of the old bits.

• 55:53Andrew Santino?

  Went back to the old shit and he did one joke. And he's like, I'm thinking, this is the one that kills. And he goes through it and he goes, I'm pumped so fucking hard. I'm looking at the one guy who's my fan and he's cracking up and everyone else is silent. I was like, I know that feeling, dude. I've done these corp, we've all done them where sometimes they go phenomenal.

• 56:14Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 56:14Andrew Santino?

  And sometimes you're like, oh my, I did one the night, I, I was leaving for Chicago, the Christmas Eve Eve. And they're like, does it just, uh, show at the Pacific Design Center? Same thing. Buyer loved me. None of the people that worked for this man knew who the fuck I was. Not one human being. I bombed so fucking unbelievably bad that the buyer walked me out to my car. Like, as if I was gonna stay and say hello. He's like, let's, let's, let's just get you in the, let's get you to the, let's get you to LAX.

• 56:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 56:43Andrew Santino?

  I was like, have a good night.

• 56:44Speaker 07

  I'm thinking like, the, those are the best stories. I don't wanna hear how you did well.

• 56:48Andrew Santino?

  It doesn't matter if you do well, yeah. Nobody gives a shit.

• 56:50Speaker 07

  No, no, no. Seriously, like Kraft hired me, killed.

• 56:53Andrew Santino?

  Killed.

• 56:54Speaker 07

  Dude, I didn't realize how strong I am with cheese people. No one's hear that. I wanna hear the horror story.

• 57:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's horrific, man.

• 57:02Speaker 07

  I think, I think out of, all the corporate gigs I've done, I don't do a lot, but the one that sticks out was somebody hired me in, in Cincinnati, and it was like a Christmas party. Whatever their company was, right? And it was, it was all black people there, right? So I was, I was good.

• 57:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 57:19Speaker 07

  But it was one of those where the dance floor was in front of all the chairs. And I'm on the stage where the DJ is, right? Not a lot of room. So I'm just, I asked the lady, anything off limits? She goes, no, we hired you for you. We want you. So the whole crowd knew me, right? So I'm doing some sex jokes or something like that, right? So this white guy, who doesn't know who I am, goes, uh, but he's a white guy that like, wants to be down with the brothers. He goes, I excuse me, excuse me. Middle of my show, right? I go, yeah. He goes, ay, um. And he stands up. He goes, look, I don't, I don't know how everybody else feels about this. He goes, but you know, there's a little girl here. There, I didn't see her, right? There's like an eight-year-old.

• 58:03Andrew Santino?

  Why is there a child there?

• 58:04Speaker 07

  He goes, and you know, I got a daughter and I don't, I don't appreciate it and I don't think nobody else appreciates the kinda jokes you're doing right now with this little girl in the room. And I just, I went, really? So I started snapping on him and the mom is dying with the little girl.

• 58:22Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 58:22Speaker 07

  Yes, Gary. You know, right? And he goes, so I started going on him so hard. He, so first he, he says that, then he sits down, like, I think he thought people was like, hey, man, appreciate that, you know? But he's getting nothing. He's like, he's sitting like this. I start going in on him so hard. He stood up so slow. He was like, took off his jacket, like, he was about, he started walking towards me over the dance floor. He's like, I go, what, you, you about to fight now? He goes, I'm just saying. And he's coming, right? Why? I don't know where these black guys came from. They were clearly in the audience. They surrounded him, right? And picked him up and his feet aren't on the floor and they carried him out of the room. And you could hear him going, what the fuck, man?

• 59:05Speaker 07

  Don't mess, interrupt the show like that. That's our dude. He's like, who, I don't know who he is, dog.

• 59:11Speaker 07

  I remember his feet and he looked around. I think he thought all the black guys were gonna come with him. When he realized, oh no, they're building a wall.

• 59:20Andrew Santino?

  That's horrible. Yeah.

• 59:21Speaker 07

  They literally swear his feet weren't on the ground.

• 59:23Andrew Santino?

  And the next day, uh, HR is like, Chad, we're gonna have to let you go because of what you did at the Gary show.

• 59:28Speaker 07

  That's the funny part. I said, who is he? And they go, everybody's like, we don't know.

• 59:35Speaker 07

  He didn't even work there.

• 59:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, just popped in.

• 59:38Speaker 07

  Yo, the funny, I know he thought he was about to be a savior. I, I just remember the hand, excuse me.

• 59:44Andrew Santino?

  Excuse me.

• 59:45Speaker 07

  Right in the middle of a joke.

• 59:46Andrew Santino?

  Little girl here.

• 59:47Speaker 07

  Yeah. I am just saying, man, I'm a father. I got a daughter. I don't think these people appreciate telling jokes. There was a little girl in the room. It's like, really?

• 59:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. It sounds like everybody likes it.

• 59:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:00:00Andrew Santino?

  Dude, I had, I had gang members sign me up when I was doing on the Queen Mary when I used to do that show. And this Mexican dude stands up. I'm young. I'm like three years in. I'm struggling to do 15 minutes. And I have, like, I think at the time I did 10 at the most.

• 1:00:16Andrew Santino?

  And he stands up, he's like, yo, what the fuck is this? Last comic standing? And it kills. And it kills. And I was, and I, you know, like, I'm thinking, I'm built to do crowd work because I'm three years in. All I've done is coffee shops and.

• 1:00:31Speaker 07

  What the fuck is this?

• 1:00:32Andrew Santino?

  Last comic standing, but I couldn't say shit to the guy. I go, uh, cause I'm thinking it's a gang member. Like he, they're, they're like, one for a fucking.

• 1:00:39Speaker 07

  Where's this at?

• 1:00:39Andrew Santino?

  Long Beach, in Long Beach, on the Queen Mary, the boat that's docked down there.

• 1:00:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:00:43Andrew Santino?

  And I'm in Long Beach. And so he's throwing up signs, being like, fucking, whatever the fuck, saying their name and shit. And his boy is like, yeah, fucking get him, dog. And he was like, yeah, you fucking, you fucking, uh, uh, he had like nothing to hit me with, but he kept doing it. He kept being like, yeah, that's a lonely comic up there, dude. Fucking stupid motherfucker. And I'm just like taking it, being like, yeah, I didn't get on that show. They wouldn't let me on that show. And people are kinda like liking that a little bit. And then afterwards, I'm like, oh, and it's slowing down. I'm like, all right, man, let me finish this set so we can finish the show. That I, he's like, I'll see you after the show, puto. And everyone's laughing and clapping. I go backstage, the show goes on. I'm having a panic attack because I'm like, there's one way on the boat and one way off the boat.

• 1:01:27Andrew Santino?

  I'm like, they're gonna fucking wait for me. So I'm not kidding, two hours after show close, I'm backstage just eating some of the deli meats.

• 1:01:36Speaker 07

  Taking the time?

• 1:01:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. And the, and the guy who's running the place is like, what are you still doing here? I'm like, you know, I just like take, just take some time just to hang out. Just wanna feel like, because I thought they were gonna jump me, beat the shit out of me after the show. Thank God, by the time I'm like sneaking off the boat, parking lot's totally empty. I put, tho- those days made you the comic that you become.

• 1:01:53Speaker 07

  Fact.

• 1:01:54Andrew Santino?

  Cause if you never have that, you're fucked. That's why my biggest fear with the internet, when I see young comics like blow up on the internet fast and they get a lot of attention from whatever they post, I'm always like, man, you kinda gotta go through the mud a little bit. If you have no mud, I just don't know how long the thing can last. I'm not saying you have to suffer, but I do think it shaped every great comic I know had so many of these fucking stories. Like you just have to have them.

• 1:02:19Speaker 07

  Well, and that's the thing.

• 1:02:20Andrew Santino?

  It makes you a good comic.

• 1:02:21Speaker 07

  Yeah. And, and I, the, the crowds find out real quick if, if you don't, don't have the chops.

• 1:02:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, people can tell.

• 1:02:28Speaker 07

  You can get that two or one time, but it's not gonna come back around if.

• 1:02:31Andrew Santino?

  That's true.

• 1:02:32Speaker 07

  They're like, yo, I just paid all this money and what was that?

• 1:02:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 1:02:35Speaker 07

  I got like two laughs in two hours?

• 1:02:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there's a couple. I mean, yeah, there's some, there's some sad stories in the business of people that, that got too much too fast.

• 1:02:43Speaker 07

  Well, I'm not gonna name names, but, but we, um, we had a tour back in, about 2011 or 12. It was that Shaq All-Star tour, right?

• 1:02:50Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:51Speaker 07

  And it was monsters on there. Everybody was ripping the whole tour. We get to Atlanta and I hear a boo. And I went, the fu- who's getting booed? Not, not this lineup. It was like, it was, uh, Corey Holcomb, D Ray Davis, me, Michael Blackson and Capone.

• 1:03:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Speaker 07

  Right? It was a strong show. And no, everybody was killing it in their own way. So I was so like, who, what is going on? And it was a angry boo. It wasn't like, we feel bad for you. It was like, bitch. Well, they, they grabbed, and this is before it was like it is now. This is 2012. So YouTube was like a little thing. So they grabbed a girl and a guy that they saw online and that were popular with their, their character online, right? And they had them open the show. Alls they gotta do is five minutes. The girl went up and did so bad that the dude came up after her and he got her boo. That's what they were saying.

• 1:03:54Speaker 07

  They were mad at her and then he came up and wasn't delivering. They booed him so mercilessly. I was like, oh, I think what happened? They go, bruh, the girl was so bad? And then he came up and didn't deliver within the first two, three minutes? They were like, nah.

• 1:04:09Andrew Santino?

  They transferred the boo.

• 1:04:10Speaker 07

  Yeah, they go, he took her boo.

• 1:04:16Andrew Santino?

  That hurts.

• 1:04:16Speaker 07

  I'll tell you who they were offstage, but they were literally two people that both had huge social media followings at that time, like YouTube.

• 1:04:25Andrew Santino?

  Cause it was exploding. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:27Speaker 07

  They were, they were two of the first to take off. And they got some funny stuff on internet.

• 1:04:31Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:04:31Speaker 07

  But they just, they just, they weren't stand up. So, and they, they thought it was a good idea.

• 1:04:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:36Speaker 07

  And come to find out, that's not a good idea.

• 1:04:40Andrew Santino?

  And they've swung the bat in our business a few times. There's been a couple of people that tried to do the stand up run from something else and it just doesn't work out.

• 1:04:46Speaker 07

  Like it's a different muscle.

• 1:04:47Andrew Santino?

  I know. And people do think it's because you do it well, you make it look easy. And people are like, well, what the fuck? You know, and an agent goes, you can get out there and do stand up. Who gives a shit? And some kid on the internet, to, to their credit, they're like, I guess maybe, I mean, my agent said I could book this tour. I highly doubt it's their thinking. It's usually an agent that's like, yeah, we can fucking put you in front of it. Who cares? People see you online, they'll like you.

• 1:05:09Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:09Andrew Santino?

  Cause I think these people don't know any better. They're just getting trapped in the throes of like, hey, do you wanna make some real money?

• 1:05:13Speaker 07

  Yeah. And it's hard to say no. And then, um, it's kinda like, yeah, we're both on the football team, but I'm the quarterback. You're the linebacker. It's a different position.

• 1:05:23Andrew Santino?

  Different position, dude.

• 1:05:24Speaker 07

  You still have goals to win. You still have goals to make people laugh. So the, you know, a couple of years ago, right after I, I saw you last time, I kinda took this guy under my wing called the mailman from Cincinnati.

• 1:05:35Andrew Santino?

  Carl Malone.

• 1:05:35Speaker 07

  No, yeah, yeah. The one mailman. He's like, uh, you know, young guy out of, out of Cincy. And he had a good social media following. And when I met him, I was like, just talking to him, he was quick.

• 1:05:47Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:05:47Speaker 07

  Coming back with his come. I said, yo, you, you, you could do stand up. You know that, right? Like, take your time. But you, I, I can read somebody that could do it.

• 1:05:56Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:05:56Speaker 07

  I said, you can do it. He goes, really? So it was kind of a blessing and a curse with him because he, he's so big on the internet at one point, right? It's kinda plateaued since then, which it does.

• 1:06:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:09Speaker 07

  And from Cincinnati, they said, all right, we're gonna book him at the Funny Bone one night. And he sold out two shows like that, right? So I told his manager at the time, I was talking to him, he, he got this manager that is not with him anymore, right? But he was like, um, I said, yo, this is a, this is a blessing and a curse. He goes, why? I go, it's not gonna be like this all the time. I go, the good thing is, it's probably gonna be the most money he's ever made in one night.

• 1:06:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 1:06:34Speaker 07

  I go, stack the show with comedians. You don't want him to go up there for an hour and he's never done jokes. I go, it's smoke and mirrors tonight, man. Get him up there, have him do some of his punchlines that he does on, on the, the internet.

• 1:06:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:50Speaker 07

  I go, they'll still love him. I go, but then if you're gonna get him on the road, man, he's gotta open mic a lot.

• 1:06:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, go jam.

• 1:06:58Speaker 07

  Yeah. And so he, he's out there, he's, he's out there still grinding.

• 1:07:02Andrew Santino?

  Shout out to the mailman.

• 1:07:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, he's out there grinding. This is two and a half years. He's trying to get it, but he's, he's, he's got it. But I, when he, when I talked to him, I said, take your time, dude. It's two and a half years. You know, the, the, his old manager's giving him bad advice. He goes, yo, cause he, he'll do like one night of the zany's in Nashville.

• 1:07:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:19Speaker 07

  And then they'll bring him back like eight months later. And his manager was like, yo, that you were, you was, new hour. I go, new hour?

• 1:07:25Andrew Santino?

  Impossible.

• 1:07:25Speaker 07

  What are you talking about?

• 1:07:26Andrew Santino?

  Impossible.

• 1:07:27Speaker 07

  Fucking the ho- home money he's got? Who cares? And he, I remember a couple, yeah, I got a new hour. I said, there's no way you got a new hour.

• 1:07:34Andrew Santino?

  Eight months is not a, not, not, I mean, you may have.

• 1:07:36Speaker 07

  Ever.

• 1:07:37Andrew Santino?

  You may have an hour of shit that you wanna do.

• 1:07:39Speaker 07

  Don't worry about that, man.

• 1:07:41Andrew Santino?

  No, don't do that.

• 1:07:42Speaker 07

  Don't worry about putting everything on the internet right now. You're in a good position.

• 1:07:45Andrew Santino?

  How long do you take people out for? Do you have like a time limit that you switch?

• 1:07:49Speaker 07

  No, I, um, no, it just, it organically happens.

• 1:07:55Andrew Santino?

  I give everyone a year, just about a year.

• 1:07:57Speaker 07

  And then you gotta let them go?

• 1:07:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I've kinda made that agreement with everyone that's ever come with me as I say like, hey, man, one full year of touring, or if it's like a divided up thing, you know, if it's, I don't short them. I really give them like a full run. But after that, I say, you gotta, I gotta, cause if I can introduce you to as many people as possible and keep plugging you as much as I can, that's kinda all I can do at some point. And most of them have loved it, accepted it and then moved from it, you know, like, I, I, like, I, I, I take pride and try to find the new thing. Cause I think if I stay with someone too long, I'm afraid they get comfortable and it hurts their, hurts their career. That's my fear is I never want someone to be like, well, they're comfy because they're making a check and it's, you know what I mean? And it's like, oh, you had to play a fucking theater. And I just feel like I don't, I want him, I never stayed with someone for a long time.

• 1:08:43Andrew Santino?

  I got picked, picked, picked and then thrown away. You know what I mean? Like I would do one offs and it helped me, I feel like.

• 1:08:48Speaker 07

  Well, I've like T-Rove, the guy from Pittsburgh. He's been with me for like five, six years. But you know, he's also, he's the first guy that said to me, he goes, you know what? He goes, um, this is a pretty good gig. He goes, I'm going in theaters. I'm being taken care of. He goes, I'm, I'm 50 years old. He, he DJs. He's the, he's the entertainment booker at some cigar bar in Pittsburgh.

• 1:09:15Andrew Santino?

  Hustling.

• 1:09:16Speaker 07

  He's making money outside of stand up.

• 1:09:18Andrew Santino?

  Good.

• 1:09:18Speaker 07

  He's got like a gymnastics gym, him and his wife owns. Like he's, he's kinda handling everything.

• 1:09:23Andrew Santino?

  Entrepreneur.

• 1:09:23Speaker 07

  He literally says like, dude, I don't, I love stand up. I love it. He goes, but he, he told me, he goes, he, he got away from me for a little bit and started doing other shows. He was like, yeah, this kinda sucks. So I'm not with you. So here's an example. He went to the Cleveland Improv with me, right? So in my rider, I don't have a big rider, but I say, I'm gonna order dinner from a restaurant around the area, right? So it's pretty much whatever I want, whatever restaurant, right?

• 1:09:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:52Speaker 07

  And the openers are ordering too. So he came back by himself, like a one nighter there. He's like, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and order from the, I'm gonna get that steak. He goes, oh, no, no, no, no, you're, you're not with Gary.

• 1:10:05Speaker 07

  You can order from the club menu. He goes, what? He called me, he goes, brah, I forgot.

• 1:10:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:12Speaker 07

  They shut it down. They was like, we're sorry, we're not getting you a T-bone.

• 1:10:17Andrew Santino?

  So you're gonna get chicken tenders.

• 1:10:20Speaker 07

  He goes, oh, I miss me with Gary.

• 1:10:23Andrew Santino?

  That's the problem is it gets, it's like a comfortable, it's hard. That's why I try to do my best to be like, hey, man.

• 1:10:30Speaker 07

  Well, my, another thing is one of my openers also edits my clips.

• 1:10:33Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's great.

• 1:10:34Speaker 07

  So he's, he's got two jobs, right? His name's Adam, so it's easier when he's on the road with me, cause he's in the room. When I do something, he's like, okay, I'll get off stage and we're just talking about, yo, you got that? Let's clip it up. Boom, boom, boom. Where that's, it's, he's got like two jobs.

• 1:10:53Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:10:54Speaker 07

  It's just a different line, line of thinking. And I got burned so bad by a couple of my openers in the past.

• 1:11:00Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean?

• 1:11:00Speaker 07

  Tell him my personal business, the divorce.

• 1:11:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh, oh, right, right, right, right.

• 1:11:03Speaker 07

  One of them, one of them I had fired in 2018, my divorce happened in 2021. He calls my ex-wife and tells a bunch of shit about me and I'm like, why? What?

• 1:11:14Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 1:11:14Speaker 07

  What world?

• 1:11:15Andrew Santino?

  And why? What's the point?

• 1:11:16Speaker 07

  I know.

• 1:11:17Andrew Santino?

  So he just wanted to trash you to her?

• 1:11:19Speaker 07

  That's it.

• 1:11:19Andrew Santino?

  Because what? He felt like you shorted him or something like that? Like you didn't, yeah, whatever that was?

• 1:11:24Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. When I let him go, I was like, you know, I let him go politely, but like, you know, you, he was, he was doing dirty shit when we were together. And I was just like, yeah, I think this ain't gonna work out, bro. You know what I mean? It's funny too, when you, when you let somebody go, you know, cause I remember I, I called him. And I was gonna let him go after a weekend. I was gonna, I'm just gonna, it's Sunday night, I was gonna say, hey, this isn't working out. No hard feelings, but you know, this isn't working out for me.

• 1:11:53Andrew Santino?

  Business.

• 1:11:53Speaker 07

  But he had a, a girl with him. And I was like, I'm not gonna pull him aside. He's got a chick with him. I'll call him this week. I don't wanna ruin the night. You know what I mean?

• 1:12:02Andrew Santino?

  So that from that moment on, he always had a girl with him? He knew he was gonna get fired.

• 1:12:07Speaker 07

  It's so funny. He had a habit of like blowing me off and I would try to call, like he didn't have time for me. And I took that little personal, I don't know if that was wrong of me, like dude, I'm like your employer.

• 1:12:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Speaker 07

  You can't get on the phone?

• 1:12:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, pick up the phone.

• 1:12:18Speaker 07

  So later I, I called him and I said, yo, A man, you gotta make it. Nah, nah, nah, I'm busy B. It's from New York. He's all right. I go, well, let's just make this short then. I'm gonna let you go. This isn't working out. He goes, what? He goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, don't make no rest decisions, dog. I'll call you right back.

• 1:12:33Speaker 07

  He went from, they ain't got time for you, to call me right back. Call me back 30 seconds later and I just, I'd let him go.

• 1:12:39Andrew Santino?

  But he chat, what, he chatted up your wife about stuff? That's wild.

• 1:12:42Speaker 07

  Told him about girls and stuff like that on the road. I was like, what?

• 1:12:48Andrew Santino?

  And then she called you and was?

• 1:12:50Speaker 07

  Well, no, this, the divorce is already in the works.

• 1:12:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh, she didn't, after that, it was?

• 1:12:53Speaker 07

  It was already, we were already in the mix or anything. And you know, like Ohio, just like California is a no fault state.

• 1:13:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:00Speaker 07

  Like you're, you're hurting her feelings, but it doesn't affect the divorce.

• 1:13:05Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 1:13:05Speaker 07

  You know what I mean? Like you're just causing her more.

• 1:13:08Andrew Santino?

  Pain.

• 1:13:08Speaker 07

  Pain.

• 1:13:09Andrew Santino?

  Right. And she's already in pain. It already sucks.

• 1:13:11Speaker 07

  Like, for what? Like, what are you getting out of it? You know what I mean? So I was like, he's a dirty dog, man. That's, you'll see him at a coffee shop in Florida. You know what I mean?

• 1:13:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but now you're remarried, you're happy, you're fine.

• 1:13:24Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. Now everything's great. But that's another reason why I keep my, the same openers, right?

• 1:13:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:30Speaker 07

  They're guys that you're with them a lot.

• 1:13:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they know, they, well, they know your whole life. They're, they're, they're your life.

• 1:13:35Speaker 07

  It's, and it, and it's not about, um, cheating. Like I don't want that to come across, but you do trust them. And you do talk to them about your personal life and you don't feel like it's gonna go anywhere else.

• 1:13:46Andrew Santino?

  Right. I mean, they meet your fucking family. I mean, my, you know, like they meet your whole family. They know. People that have toured with me met my parents. You know what I mean? It's like they got, been inside our family's homes. So it is, there is a weird personal level that you do have to have some sort of trust that it's hard to know unless you find out like that.

• 1:14:03Speaker 07

  Yeah. It's funny, we were in Australia and, and I could, I could talk about it now, but Adam, the one that does my clips and everything. He, I think we all have moments, but he had a moment where he was not happy with me for whatever reason. And, and he was starting to like, quote unquote, snap on me in the green room. I was on stage and he was on a roll. And then there was other people in the room though, right? It was him, T-Rob, and then a couple of other people from Australia in there. And it got back to me. Those people from Australia, they told on him so fast. They go, dude, are you all right with your opener? I go, yeah, why? They started telling me all the stuff he was saying. So I pulled him aside, said, Adam, listen.

• 1:14:42Speaker 07

  I completely understand you're around people a lot. Well, me, you and T-Rob, I have no problem with you and T-Rob shitting on me if it stays between you two.

• 1:14:49Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:14:50Speaker 07

  When you start shitting on me in front of strangers, that's an issue.

• 1:14:53Andrew Santino?

  It's a bad look.

• 1:14:54Speaker 07

  Yeah. I said, so don't do that. Just be mindful. I said, it's cool. It's not like you, it's not like he's saying anything that would ruin the relationship. I said, just be mindful of other people in the room. Don't shit on me when, cause it's gonna get back to me.

• 1:15:06Andrew Santino?

  Sure, of course.

• 1:15:07Speaker 07

  You know what I mean?

• 1:15:08Andrew Santino?

  Especially in Australia, yeah.

• 1:15:09Speaker 07

  You know what I mean? So he, he agreed. He goes, man, I just, it was funny.

• 1:15:12Andrew Santino?

  They're nice. They'll tell you.

• 1:15:14Speaker 07

  Oh, they, they came quick with the info. I was like, whoa.

• 1:15:17Andrew Santino?

  Mate, mate, you gotta hear what he said about you, mate.

• 1:15:20Speaker 07

  But it is true. Like you're around somebody, like I now always tell my guys, I go, dude, we all talk about each other behind each other's back.

• 1:15:27Andrew Santino?

  Everybody does. It's a part of the.

• 1:15:28Speaker 07

  There's no way you and him, you can't, and, and ain't talking about Bobby Lee and some shit sometime.

• 1:15:32Andrew Santino?

  We just did.

• 1:15:33Speaker 07

  You know what I mean? It's, it's just human nature.

• 1:15:36Andrew Santino?

  It's a part of the crew of when you're with people all the fucking time. It's like a, you have to.

• 1:15:40Speaker 07

  Your, their quirks are gonna get on your nerves.

• 1:15:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yes, dude.

• 1:15:43Speaker 07

  Oh my God, a guy can be smacking when he eats. You're like, what the fuck, bro?

• 1:15:48Andrew Santino?

  You're on the, when you're on a bus too, when you're living on a motherfucking bus.

• 1:15:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:15:52Andrew Santino?

  When we took the bus, there were days where I was like, get me off this fucking.

• 1:15:57Speaker 07

  Dolly World.

• 1:15:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, I snapped at Dolly World, right, at Pigeon Forge. I freaked the fuck out. We got into a crazy fight. And I left everybody at Dolly World, took an Uber, went down to Margaritaville, met a nice couple who just got married. And I got hammered and I was like, I'll pay for all of your meal, whatever you guys want. And they're, you know, they were a young couple. And they were like, really? You don't have to do that. And I was like, no, no, I'm having a fucking day. Got hammered by myself. I just was sick. Sometimes you needed to walk. We were all so burnt, dude. We were fucking fried. Cause you're with everyone all day and the buses, you, you do the show, wrangle everybody, do the meet and greet, say hi to everybody.

• 1:16:38Andrew Santino?

  Then get on that fucking bus and try to go to sleep. Then it's this on a bus till you get to a new city.

• 1:16:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:16:44Andrew Santino?

  You're disoriented. I try to work out or something. You go get one fucking meal and then they're like, we gotta go do meet and greets and to the shows and the pictures. So you, you're just so annoyed and disoriented. You don't get time to like settle.

• 1:16:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:16:56Andrew Santino?

  So that, the bus will never fucking do again. I'll, I, when I hear people that do the bus, I'm like, God bless.

• 1:17:02Speaker 07

  It sounds like a good idea.

• 1:17:03Andrew Santino?

  I fucking hate it, dude.

• 1:17:04Speaker 07

  It sounds like a good idea.

• 1:17:05Andrew Santino?

  At Burt, the, the fact that like Burt, and there's a few guys that do it exclusively, I, I just don't get, I don't get how they do it. I don't. Kudos to the people that can do. That's why you see bands break up. You know why bands break up? Cause of the fucking bus.

• 1:17:17Speaker 07

  I bet.

• 1:17:17Andrew Santino?

  The bus. Cause the bus is a lot of egos. It's a lot of like, if, if, you know, none of these guys, but if, yeah, if someone was bringing a, wanted, they wanted to bring a girl back or someone that have friends or whatever. And you're like, I don't want these people near my shit.

• 1:17:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:17:30Andrew Santino?

  I'm really kinda personal and secluded. So I'm like, I don't want someone on the bus with our fucking stuff. So then there becomes this weird, it's a weird balance. It kinda sucks, man. It's.

• 1:17:41Speaker 07

  I can, and, and, and it's funny when you say it, cause when, when that happened in Australia, right? And we had the conversation. He said, man, when he finally settled down and was like, man, I just think, cause dude, I just, I, I spent. Three weeks before I came to Australia, over in Europe, in Turkey and all those other places, opening for somebody else. Cause then I came to Australia and Sydney was the last one. So this is after two and a half weeks in Australia. He goes. He's, yeah, I shouldn't have did that. I just, I was freaking out a little bit. And he said, what set him off was I didn't watch his set. I'm backstage. I guess he didn't have the greatest set in Sydney. And I went up and I didn't realize I said it. I just went up and go, hey, give it up for T-Rob and Adam. And they're kinda funny, man. And he goes, kinda.

• 1:18:26Speaker 07

  He, he stuck to that word kinda. He goes, gee, shitting on me for, that's what set him off. And I go, bro. I go, I didn't realize I said it.

• 1:18:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's just a word.

• 1:18:36Speaker 07

  It's just throwing shit away, you know? He was like, yeah, I thought you were, I thought you were shitting on me. I go, dude, have I ever shit on you? I would never do that, bro.

• 1:18:44Andrew Santino?

  Not, not on stage.

• 1:18:45Speaker 07

  Or in an interview. Like even this, I'm not shitting on him.

• 1:18:48Andrew Santino?

  No, I mean, to his face, you'll fucking, you'll talk shit to his face.

• 1:18:50Speaker 07

  A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah. I'm, believe me, he's told a bad joke. I was in the green room. Clear.

• 1:18:59Speaker 07

  I got some Kanae.

• 1:19:00Andrew Santino?

  Get down, get down.

• 1:19:02Speaker 07

  But I will say, I respect him a lot because he, he's only been doing it like four or five years. That guy will go out there and try a bunch of new shit in 30 minutes.

• 1:19:14Andrew Santino?

  Good.

• 1:19:15Speaker 07

  He will go out there and like, ah, that didn't work. He told me one time in India, he goes, yeah, I got a feeling this ain't gonna be a good set. I go, why? He goes, I'm about to try a bunch of new shit. And I go, what? And sure enough, he goes up there trying. I said, I respect comics more that, you know, they, almost like a boxer, you know you're down on points and you need that knockout.

• 1:19:37Andrew Santino?

  You got a swing.

• 1:19:38Speaker 07

  And you're just, I'm gonna take this big swing. Cause I always tell them, I go, guys, if I bomb, they leave pissed.

• 1:19:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:45Speaker 07

  If you don't do well, but I still hit, they leave happy.

• 1:19:48Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't matter.

• 1:19:49Speaker 07

  You're in the sweet spot.

• 1:19:50Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:19:50Speaker 07

  I go, there's no reason if we got six shows in a weekend, you doing the same show verbatim.

• 1:19:55Andrew Santino?

  You don't need to.

• 1:19:56Speaker 07

  Try some new shit out.

• 1:19:57Andrew Santino?

  But I always say pepper in the, pepper in the, the, the A shit.

• 1:20:00Speaker 07

  Oh yeah, of course.

• 1:20:01Andrew Santino?

  Always like pepper in it.

• 1:20:02Speaker 07

  Get them in the beginning.

• 1:20:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:03Speaker 07

  Get them at the end, but in that middle, work something out, man.

• 1:20:06Andrew Santino?

  Smooth it out.

• 1:20:07Speaker 07

  Work something out. And not, that'd be every show, but I said, if you do six shows and it's verbatim.

• 1:20:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:12Speaker 07

  You just wasted the weekend.

• 1:20:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they don't wanna see it. Well, shout out to Adam. Adam, I don't know who you are.

• 1:20:15Speaker 07

  Adam Fink, man.

• 1:20:16Andrew Santino?

  Adam Fink.

• 1:20:17Speaker 07

  No, he's a good guy, man.

• 1:20:17Andrew Santino?

  Adam Fink, God bless, stop talking shit.

• 1:20:20Speaker 07

  Well, stop talking shit in Sydney though, bro.

• 1:20:23Speaker 07

  Not about the boss.

• 1:20:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, not about the big boss. Adam, you know better, dog.

• 1:20:27Speaker 07

  Not in front of them Australian people.

• 1:20:29Andrew Santino?

  All right, let me say this. I, I, I love you. I appreciate you coming to the show. As usual, you're the man. Uh, he's got 50 cities left on this tour. It sounds like.

• 1:20:39Speaker 07

  Yeah. Well, they, and then they re-upped it. So we're, we'll go to New Year's Eve and we'll take like two, three weeks off. And then we come back, uh, we come back in January and those cities are getting announced.

• 1:20:50Andrew Santino?

  Fucking Matt Rife, Jesus Christ. So that's like that kid. He did like three years straight or something. You know that?

• 1:20:54Speaker 07

  But yeah, but you know, he's, he's the, he's, he, he took, he was in Nashville and he did the same thing I did. He's like, I, he canceled like a couple of weeks.

• 1:21:03Andrew Santino?

  He told us, he, he did tell, when he came on the show, he did say he had to like, he had kind of a break. He kind of felt like overwhelmed and had to go home. And I told him, I said, they're gonna kill you, dude. They'll tour you to death.

• 1:21:12Speaker 07

  I, I, I.

• 1:21:13Andrew Santino?

  If you don't say no, they'll go fill it up.

• 1:21:16Speaker 07

  With Australia and Europe, I hadn't ever been.

• 1:21:19Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's.

• 1:21:19Speaker 07

  So I was excited.

• 1:21:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:21:21Speaker 07

  And then it hit me, I go, man, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta sit down, bro. That's the first time in my life I felt it. I felt mentally and physically, I go, dude, I gotta, I can't do this. I'm gonna be miserable. Cause you, I was about to do 11 cities in 18 days in Europe and it's different cultures.

• 1:21:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:39Speaker 07

  You know what I mean? It's funny cause Edinburgh, I heard you say that was one of the cities.

• 1:21:42Andrew Santino?

  Edinburgh's great. It's a beautiful place. You'll get back.

• 1:21:45Speaker 07

  Was it Edinburgh or Edinburgh?

• 1:21:47Andrew Santino?

  Edinburgh is how they say it.

• 1:21:49Speaker 07

  That's Scotland, right?

• 1:21:50Andrew Santino?

  Scotland, yeah. Yeah.

• 1:21:51Speaker 07

  What else did I have in Scotland? I had two cities in Scotland. Edinburgh, I don't know. It was, it was just a, it was a lot. I was looking at the, the routing and I was like, this is a lot.

• 1:22:00Andrew Santino?

  It's heavy. Well, you'll get, you'll get back out there.

• 1:22:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, I'll get back out there. One day.

• 1:22:06Andrew Santino?

  Go see him live right now. Uh, it's gotta be garyowen.com. There's no doubt.

• 1:22:11Speaker 07

  Dot live.

• 1:22:12Andrew Santino?

  Come on, bro.

• 1:22:13Speaker 07

  Gary Owen dot live.

• 1:22:13Andrew Santino?

  Can we not afford the com?

• 1:22:15Speaker 07

  I had it and I lost it in a divorce. I swear to God.

• 1:22:18Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you.

• 1:22:19Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:22:19Andrew Santino?

  That's real?

• 1:22:20Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. Cause we had garyowen.com and I got divorced and it was in the mix where we went and talking to each other. And she paid the domain to have the domain every year.

• 1:22:30Andrew Santino?

  Even want that?

• 1:22:31Speaker 07

  I don't think she realized it. I don't think she did out of spite. I just think she was handling the bills.

• 1:22:35Andrew Santino?

  Why don't you let me call her and say, hey, give him back the com?

• 1:22:38Speaker 07

  They was like, I was like, yo, I can't even call her because we was voice avoider process server. I go, I, I need a new website like right now.

• 1:22:46Andrew Santino?

  ASAP.

• 1:22:47Speaker 07

  They just went, oh, what about live? I said, done. So it's been garyowen.live.

• 1:22:51Andrew Santino?

  Gary Owen dot live.

• 1:22:52Speaker 05

  It says this domain's for sale, garyowen.com.

• 1:22:54Andrew Santino?

  You gotta buy it. She probably put it up herself.

• 1:22:57Speaker 07

  She let it go. We got, okay, we gotta get it for this air. It's, it's.

• 1:23:01Andrew Santino?

  Shut up, don't say anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wipe it out, wipe it out.

• 1:23:03Speaker 07

  I gotta call my manager ASAP.

• 1:23:06Andrew Santino?

  Go to garyowen.live, go see the man now.

• 1:23:08Speaker 07

  And don't go buy garyowen.com.

• 1:23:10Andrew Santino?

  Please God, don't do that. Please God.

• 1:23:11Speaker 07

  We're gonna edit that out.

• 1:23:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cut that out. We end the show the same way. Look into that camera and say one word or one phrase to end the show. Something that closes us out. It can be a word of wisdom. It could be just one word that sticks out in your mind.

• 1:23:23Speaker 07

  Go Bengals.

• 1:23:24Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:23:30Speaker 06

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 1:23:51Speaker 00

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