391 Gabby Bernstein on How to Turn Fear Into Faith

"A spiritual journey truly is unlearning fear and remembering love." - Gabby Bernstein If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/391 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is episode number 391 with number one New York Times bestselling author Gabby Bernstein. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:34Speaker 00

  Welcome everyone to a very special edition of the School of Greatness podcast. Super, super pumped about our guest today. Had an amazing interview and time with Gabby Bernstein. For those that don't know who Gabby is, her book that just came out hit number one on the New York Times Bestseller List. She is an international speaker, a spirit junkie, and an author of a number of New York Times bestselling books. She was featured on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday as a next generation thought leader, and the New York Times named her a new role model. She appears regularly as an expert on the Dr. Oz Show and leads talks and meditations for sold out audiences around the world.

• 1:17Speaker 00

  Forbes called her one of the 20 best branded women and Self Made Magazine named her one of the top 50 women in business. And there was something unique and different and special about my interaction and conversation with Gabby. This time over every other time I've hung out with her and I've known her for a number of years. There was something that shifted inside of her that I noticed right away from the moment she walked in the door to the entire interview. And I'm excited for you guys to connect to this new thing that's opened up for Gabby. We talk about her new book, The Universe Has Your Back, and also, and also the keys to convert fear into faith.

• 1:58Speaker 00

  We talk about how Gabby overcame addictions in her life and how she realized that she still didn't let go of something that was holding her back from something so powerful and so profound and great in her life. And when she finally recognized what that was, the incredible freedom that she had personally, in her marriage, in her relationships, and how her business just continued to flow and flow with positive vibes. I'm super pumped and excited to connect you with Gabby. If you don't know who she is, make sure to check her out on social media. All of the show notes are back at lewishouse.com/391. So if you're listening to this right now, make sure to click the share button on the podcast app on iTunes, or if you're listening to the website, then click

• 2:43Speaker 00

  the share button to Twitter and Facebook. Tag both me and Gabby on social media and share this with your friends. I think your friends are gonna love this one. So lewishouse.com/391. Also, make sure to check out the full video interview. It's over there as well. All the links to Gabby and her book, check it all out. lewishouse.com/391. And without further ado, let me introduce to you the one, the only Gabby Bernstein.

• 3:15Speaker 00

  Welcome everyone back to the School's Greatest Podcast. Very excited about our guest Gabby Bernstein. And she's got a new book out. Make sure to check this book out. It's called The Universe Has Your Back. I'm so glad that you're here. Thank you so much for coming to the studio, the Greatness Studio. We'll put you on the wall here soon.

• 3:31Gabby Bernstein?

  I want to be on that wall.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  And yeah, we have a lot of people.

• 3:34Gabby Bernstein?

  You're like in a private jet with Tony Robbins. And like, come on then.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  It's been a lot of fun. It's been a lot of fun. This podcast has been fun. I get to interview incredible people like yourself. This book just came out. The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear Into Faith, Fear to Faith. You've already written a couple of New York Times bestsellers before. Why did you want to write another book about fear?

• 3:58Gabby Bernstein?

  So it's interesting. I used to think that I wrote my books for my readers. I used to think like, okay, whatever they need, or what, you know, I would get a pulse of what's going on with the reader and their, and their life at the time. And this time, I believe I wrote this book for myself. I wrote it during the worst year of my life, which I shared with you earlier. And during that year, I didn't realize it was just really hitting a major bottom, like a bigger bottom than, I mean, I got sober 11 years ago. Actually, three days ago, I celebrated my 11 years of sobriety.

• 4:29Lewis Howes?

  Congratulations.

• 4:29Gabby Bernstein?

  Thank you. And I think this year, my bottom was bigger than that bottom.

• 4:33Lewis Howes?

  How so? What was going, I mean, when someone hears that, you're at the top of your game, you're on the Today Show, you're on Dr. Oz, you're on Oprah every other week, it seems like. You've got New York Times Best Sellers, you're making multiple significant figures in your business, you're healthy, you're speaking in front of thousands of people every single week. How did you hit rock bottom, more than, you know, being, being an addict?

• 4:57Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, yeah. There was hidden parts of my shadow that needed to come forward and memories I didn't know. And I spent a year cracking into that place of remembering what I needed to truly unearth so that I could be free, truly.

• 5:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 5:13Gabby Bernstein?

  But I wrote this book while I was going through that bottom. So in the midst of having that experience of just breaking down, picking myself up, breaking down, picking myself up, I had to write. And you know what it's like to have a deadline and have a, have a deal and have people expecting you to submit a book at a certain time. And I had a word count and a deadline and a publishing deal and I, and I had to stick to it. And I like to be early. So, so I just kept writing and writing and writing. And it came to the point where the process of writing the book actually healed me throughout, throughout the year. And then, and then even submitting the book and having to go through the editing process healed me again. Because it's, it's just the, being, being, I don't like to use the word

• 5:58Gabby Bernstein?

  forced, but being called and committed to writing a book on, on love and, and, and the universe and connection to a higher power. There's no other choice but to be in the daily remembrance of what is real to you.

• 6:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 6:12Gabby Bernstein?

  And so that, that was my experience of writing this book, that, that while I was going through the toughest time, it also was the remedy.

• 6:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So what was it you were holding on to? Or rejecting or afraid of?

• 6:23Gabby Bernstein?

  So, so I had been. Ultimately, going through what I now know was the process of cracking into a traumatic memory. And ultimately, that memory was the reason I was a drug addict in the first place 11 years ago. And it had been something that I had been, that I'd shut away for 30 years. And in 2015, while writing this book, a lot of the things that were sort of the ways that I controlled my life and kept things in order so that I wouldn't have to remember that trauma, started to be taken from me, right? So, my husband leaving his job to come work with me, you know, created this sort of feeling of, oh my God, I gotta let go of the rope, or wanting to have a baby, like, wow, I really gotta let go of control there.

• 7:07Gabby Bernstein?

  And so, these sort of monumental shifts in my life created this breaking point for me. And so, month after month, I was cracking open to something I didn't know, and it was horrifying. And actually, the month after submit, the month that I submitted this book was when the memory came in.

• 7:25Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 7:26Gabby Bernstein?

  So, in the editing process of the book, I used the book through this very raw, scary, horrific time, the book healed me again.

• 7:37Lewis Howes?

  And what was, what came up for you then? What was the, are you allowed to share?

• 7:41Gabby Bernstein?

  So, the memory, of course. I mean, the memory was the memory of childhood sexual abuse. And I didn't have any recollection of it at all. Many psychics and mediums had said, what happened to you when you were six years old, Gabby? You know, I had been asked that many, many times in my life. There's trauma, there's fear from six years old. And I would be like, nothing, absolutely nothing. What the hell are you talking about? And, because I had no idea. And if anyone out there is listening that has had the remembrance of trauma, it's getting horrifying. Because you go back into the memory, you go back into the time, and your whole body constricts. And so, and I had a few, you know, a few, thankfully, I was in therapy when I remembered.

• 8:25Gabby Bernstein?

  And also thankfully, I have this world that we live and work in, which is filled with the greatest trauma therapists, and EFT practitioners, and EMDR people, and somatic experience experts, and all the people that can serve me. But what has come forth really is that down the road, there's definitely a book in trauma for me, and trauma recovery. Because there's people, there's, you know, what they say, one in three, I think it's far more. And I think it's way more.

• 8:51Lewis Howes?

  Yes, one in six boys, one in six men have been sexually abused.

• 8:54Gabby Bernstein?

  One in three women, yeah, yeah. And but I think it's more.

• 8:57Lewis Howes?

  I'm sure that are like that's that we know of.

• 9:00Gabby Bernstein?

  The rest don't remember, or they, you know, been hiding from it, or using drugs over it, or whatever it is, because just or they don't come forward, yeah. And so I'm I'm so grateful to have remembered, which is what we were talking about earlier. It's because now I can be free and I can let go of the rope and I can take the first breath.

• 9:19Lewis Howes?

  You know, it's interesting because, well, thanks for sharing because I know what it's like. And I've been through my process over the last few years of of sharing and opening up. And it wasn't easy when I first started, especially as a man, as we were talking about. There's not many men who open up about that publicly, let alone to their family. For 25 years, I kept it inside and just when I whenever I felt attacked by anything in the world, I was just became aggressive to to prove myself, to protect myself, to not let anyone take advantage of me again, and just had this natural reaction because I wasn't willing to deal with it, you know what I mean? And and it's funny, I think we're in a lot of ways we're similar because we're both very driven to achieve and to create and to put our message into the world.

• 10:02Lewis Howes?

  And, you know, I'm assuming that that's something had to do with like our trauma.

• 10:07Gabby Bernstein?

  Absolutely.

• 10:08Lewis Howes?

  That makes us so driven and wants to be seen or whatever, you know?

• 10:11Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes.

• 10:12Lewis Howes?

  And before, in my early twenties, it used to be more of like an egotistical thing. And now it's more of a way of inspiration. I want to serve. I want to be in service constantly. And I could care less about the recognition or the things I get.

• 10:25Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 10:25Lewis Howes?

  Although they're nice, it's not my driving force.

• 10:28Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 10:28Lewis Howes?

  And this is the first time that I've been around you. I've probably known you for what? Four or five years, maybe longer, six years, maybe? I don't even know. And it's the first time that I've actually seen you calm.

• 10:39Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 10:39Lewis Howes?

  Like, the first time ever.

• 10:41Gabby Bernstein?

  It's the first time I have.

• 10:42Lewis Howes?

  I never fully see you, like, look me in the eyes.

• 10:44Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, I couldn't.

• 10:45Lewis Howes?

  Without feeling stressed. Or anyone in the eyes without like constantly looking around without like your mind racing. Like there was always something like, man, she's like high strung or just like in control of like she never lets go.

• 10:57Gabby Bernstein?

  Running.

• 10:57Lewis Howes?

  This feeling, yes, of like never letting go. And I was like, wow, you're in the middle of your book launch. And I was like, how are you so calm? Cause I know what it's like, you know, to go through a launch.

• 11:06Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Lewis Howes?

  And you want to do well and you want to sell and you're doing interviews left and right, five times a day. So it's really inspiring to see your transformation in the last, you know, since the last time we hung out and to see the calm inside of you.

• 11:19Gabby Bernstein?

  It means a lot to me coming from you because truly the last time I saw you was a week before, the week that I remembered. And I was a real head case and I was really, I was, I was breaking down and losing it. So I was pretty excited to come here today and say, hey, this is what was up.

• 11:34Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 11:34Gabby Bernstein?

  And this is what's happening now.

• 11:37Lewis Howes?

  Not that I didn't love you before, that I was like.

• 11:38Gabby Bernstein?

  No, but it's hard to.

• 11:39Lewis Howes?

  She's off, but it was just, there was something.

• 11:41Gabby Bernstein?

  It's hard to really connect with someone on that level, whether you're a friend or even a spouse. You know, I have a deeper connection with my husband now than I have ever had in 10 years of being with him. Because I'm finally letting go and surrendering and not just on my meditation pillow, but in my life.

• 11:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:59Gabby Bernstein?

  And I'm, I'm finally, you know, I was at a Hay House event and um, the guy who does the sound engineering, you know, comes and puts his mic on me. And I see him every time I do a Hay House event and this was like a few months after remembering this trauma. And he looks at me and he says, what's new Gabby? I said, you know, Matt, I'm new.

• 12:19Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:19Gabby Bernstein?

  I said, I'm new. And I owned that, I owned that completely, like I'm completely new. And the, and I, and I, there's some big things I wanted to talk to you about today, actually, because it relates to what you were saying about, you know, when you have trauma, how that driving force can, in some cases, in my case at first, it was channeled into drugs and alcohol. But then I redirected it and channeled it into good, thankfully.

• 12:42Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 12:43Gabby Bernstein?

  But now I can channel it into great. Right. But what I had noticed at the time when I was first in this early recovery, and I'm still in early recovery, it's only been, you know, seven months or whatever. But the first few months when I was struggling to get out of bed in the mornings, right?

• 12:57Lewis Howes?

  It's no joke.

• 12:57Gabby Bernstein?

  It's no joke.

• 12:58Lewis Howes?

  It's no joke.

• 12:59Gabby Bernstein?

  It's, it's, it's literally the most brutal.

• 13:00Lewis Howes?

  You're like in a hangover constantly, right?

• 13:02Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, it's far worse than, than, than my, my cocaine addiction and recovering from cocaine. I mean, far, far worse, you know? Anyway, so I'd, I'd wake up in the morning, I'd feel really depressed and I would, I would walk up to my office and I'd sit down to the computer and start working and I'd see myself take a deep breath. Like, this was my way of numbing out. And so while I had put down the drink and the drug and had been clean for 11 years, I was absolutely, yes.

• 13:34Lewis Howes?

  Driven.

• 13:35Gabby Bernstein?

  My drive, my work, create, create.

• 13:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:38Gabby Bernstein?

  While it was funneled into something that was serving the world greatly, it was, it was killing me.

• 13:44Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 13:45Gabby Bernstein?

  And what I did in that moment was I diagnosed myself with, with work addiction. And work addiction is something that no one talks about. There's no 12 step group for it.

• 13:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:54Gabby Bernstein?

  It's not, I mean, there's a book in this, 100%.

• 13:57Lewis Howes?

  100%.

• 13:58Gabby Bernstein?

  And it's-

• 13:58Lewis Howes?

  Especially with entrepreneurs who are trying to create.

• 14:00Gabby Bernstein?

  We're praised for it, right? Oh, you work so hard, you do everything, you do so much. And it's like, how is that something to be proud of when you're, it's proud of your accomplishments, sure, but not proud of beating your body. Yes, at what cost? Your relationships, your physical presence, your, you know, your capacity to be with someone connected in some way. And so, you know, I think all addiction is, is, you know, the root cause of all addiction is trauma in some way. Yeah, I have come to understand that and accept that. It's all trauma.

• 14:29Lewis Howes?

  Even if it's a positive addiction like working on your health or working on-

• 14:32Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, I mean, I think there are positive focuses, but, but, but addiction is when we become powerless. When you become, when life is unmanageable. So you could have like an addiction to your health and you could be powerless and unmanageable and that's not necessarily positive anymore.

• 14:47Lewis Howes?

  True.

• 14:48Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 14:48Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So do you feel like, I mean, you're still pretty driven though. You already talked about writing the next book.

• 14:52Gabby Bernstein?

  Well, it's amazing. I haven't lost any drive, but I have like- You know, days where I could be like, oh, because I hired a shitload of people, as you know.

• 15:00Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 15:00Gabby Bernstein?

  As a result of.

• 15:01Lewis Howes?

  Control.

• 15:01Gabby Bernstein?

  I let go of the control. I let people help me. I let my husband step in and run my business in the most beautiful way. And like, just got out of the way. And so now, when you let people, when you hire people, you're like, well, I have a lot less to do. And all I can focus on now is like, creating beautiful content, doing things like this with you, being on the road and giving my talks. And I had this affirmation that I was using throughout the year when I was falling apart, which was something that I wanted. I wasn't there, but I wanted it. And so I would say out loud in the mirror, walking around, everything is happening around me. I am fully taken care of. And I could feel it. And there was like one area of my life, this is like a good manifesting tip for people listening. There was this one area of my life that was, like, I have this event planner who runs my, her name is Annette.

• 15:43Gabby Bernstein?

  And she just slays, like, she just does the best job running these events. She was formerly a coaching client 11 years ago. You know, like, she's just a dear sister to me, but she's an amazing event planner. And so I had this knowing, even at the time when I wasn't letting people help me, I'd let her help me. So I knew what it felt like to be taken care of. And so I would think about what it felt like with Annette. Because there was one frame of reference that I had, right? And then I would use the affirmation, feeling the feeling of what it felt like to do an event with Annette. And I would call on that feeling and I'd say this affirmation. And then all of a sudden, you know, four or five months into my trauma healing, I was looking at my life and I was like, everything is happening around me. I'm truly taken care of.

• 16:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I remember you used to do it all in your business. You used to manage everything, create the content.

• 16:26Gabby Bernstein?

  Seven months ago. Seven months ago, I had one VA.

• 16:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:30Gabby Bernstein?

  Running this crazy.

• 16:31Lewis Howes?

  It seems like so overwhelming to me. It was stressful.

• 16:33Gabby Bernstein?

  It was, I mean, I was sitting in your house at a party, like, begging for help.

• 16:37Lewis Howes?

  I remember this.

• 16:37Gabby Bernstein?

  I don't know what the hell I'm doing. And you guys were all looking at me cross-eyed, like, girl, hire somebody.

• 16:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:42Gabby Bernstein?

  But I was so unwilling and so afraid to let people help me.

• 16:46Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 16:47Gabby Bernstein?

  Because my, the way that I masked my trauma was by trying to keep it all under my control. And you know, and with that suffering comes tange, which I'm still healing and physical tension.

• 17:00Lewis Howes?

  The jaw constantly, yeah.

• 17:01Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. But you can, you know, but you can start to feel it unraveling. And now I have a whole life ahead of me that is, is free.

• 17:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I think I saw on your Instagram stories a couple of months ago, you like, you have a house somewhere in like the woods or something. And I was like, awesome. You just get to like decompress and relax and have some balance every now and then.

• 17:19Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 17:19Lewis Howes?

  That's pretty cool. So are you doing more of that where you're just like taking days off?

• 17:23Gabby Bernstein?

  I live, I mean, I have a place in the city.

• 17:24Lewis Howes?

  Connecticut, is that where it is?

• 17:25Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. Yeah. And I, I'm barely in the city. Like I'm in the city, but I have to be.

• 17:28Lewis Howes?

  Now you're living full time.

• 17:30Gabby Bernstein?

  I have two places, but I try to be in the country like most of the time.

• 17:34Lewis Howes?

  Cause you can just, you just have to relax there. It's like.

• 17:37Gabby Bernstein?

  It's, it's, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

• 17:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I have a community of people that I love there. It's like, New York City is great and I'm grateful for having my home there, but it's not my home anymore.

• 17:49Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 17:50Lewis Howes?

  So if someone's feel, I mean, I just did this event in Columbus, Ohio, and there were so many incredible people from all over the world who came. And there were a lot of people who are afraid to really go after their dreams or afraid to leave the relationship that they've been in for a long time, afraid to go after the relationship they want, afraid to all these different things. How, what's the first step to overcoming the fear or transforming the fear?

• 18:14Gabby Bernstein?

  To witness it, to be, to be the non judgmental witness of it, to look at it and say, something's got to give, right? So, so if you're unwilling to look at your fear head on and honor it and, and witness, I always say, if you don't show up for what's up, it will keep showing up. So looking and saying, you know, I witnessed my resistance and you see that fear as resistance. It's right. It's, it's fear is a resistance to what it is that you desire. And in the absence of resistance, you become a magnet for what you desire. And when you let go of that fear and you transcend that fear, that's when you start to become a super attractor. That's when you start to let what is truly. Of essence for you into your life, what is truly of service for you into your life,

• 18:59Gabby Bernstein?

  what is true happiness into your life. And so, looking at the fear, witnessing it, calling it by its name, and even if you don't have the tools yet, what happens is is when you look at the fear and you're like, oh, I see this fear, I see this resistance, I see how it's blocking my life, and I choose to see it differently. That's when you're listening to an audio like this. That's when a book like yours will fall off the shelf.

• 19:19Lewis Howes?

  A catalyst to open up.

• 19:21Gabby Bernstein?

  Exactly. You open up your consciousness, pretty much. You crack open your consciousness to find solutions, rather than find problems. And so, when you're not looking at the fear, you're just living in the fear and you're believing in the problem. But when you witness the fear and you're willing to see it differently, you start living in the solution.

• 19:34Lewis Howes?

  So it's acknowledging that you're experiencing the fear, that you're being held back, that you're resistant to growth, or whatever it is you're looking for.

• 19:40Gabby Bernstein?

  Not judging it. You know, look at the fear without any more judgment.

• 19:43Lewis Howes?

  So don't beat yourself up. Don't say, oh, I see it, and I'm such an idiot, I'm such a loser.

• 19:47Gabby Bernstein?

  No, be proud of yourself for looking at it. Be proud of yourself.

• 19:50Lewis Howes?

  Being aware.

• 19:51Gabby Bernstein?

  And being aware. And then start, you know, using an affirmation or a prayer that says, I'm willing to see this differently. Show me what to do. And that's when you're going to be led to the book, or the author, or the yoga teacher, or the therapist, or whatever it is, that you need to transcend that fear. And I believe that the universe works through people. So, when you say yes to healing, the healing is presented to you in very profound ways that you could never imagine. And it comes through because you open up your awareness for it.

• 20:18Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. That's powerful. Is there anything you have yet to heal?

• 20:23Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, I'm still healing this trauma stuff. I mean, it's like, like I said, I'm in such early recovery. I'm in like, the infant stages of this recovery. And while I'm out of the weeds, I've got, you know, stuff to deal with, with people, and I have stuff to deal with, with my physical body, and my sexual energy, and you know, it's like, it's brutal. And you know, I mean, and speaking to anyone that's been through this, it's like, I have so much compassion, and it ruins people's lives. And so, I have to rebuild my life. And so,

• 20:56Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm, I'm gonna not be the victim. I'm gonna be the survivor and, and someone who's gonna thrive as a result of this knowing and heal people through knowing. But it's work. It's not like it's easy. So you know, I had dinner with my friend Sheila Kelly last night. She's at the founder of S Factor. Should get her on the show, actually. And she and I were talking and she, you know, it's like, here I am sitting next to this woman who's sort of embodying this freedom, this physical, sexual freedom that I really long for. And she's like, I'm gonna mentor you, I'm gonna help you. And there was so much resistance. I was like, ah, like I can't go, no, no, it's too scary. And then I was like, wait, this is what I've been praying for. I've been praying for some healing and it's right in front of me, sitting at dinner, offering to be my mentor and guide through this. I have to say yes.

• 21:41Gabby Bernstein?

  So that's the next step in healing fear is that if you, you know, ask for guidance, you say, I witnessed my problem and I fear and I need guidance and the guidance shows up, you better say yes to it.

• 21:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:50Gabby Bernstein?

  You have to say yes to it.

• 21:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, once you, once you see the tools or the teacher, take action.

• 21:55Gabby Bernstein?

  And people don't, you know, they, they can come in and they can say, no, that's too much.

• 21:58Lewis Howes?

  I feel like we need, we need to be challenged more in life. You know, I feel like we need to be called to a challenge. And I think teachers or books or podcasts or whatever allow us to create that challenge where someone keeps you accountable to something you should be doing, a challenge for yourself, some type of game. I like to make things into a game.

• 22:15Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 22:15Lewis Howes?

  If I'm scared of something, I talk about this a lot in here, like when I was a teenager, I was scared to talk to girls.

• 22:20Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 22:20Lewis Howes?

  But I wanted to have a girlfriend, right?

• 22:22Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 22:22Lewis Howes?

  And I was just terrified because I didn't feel intelligent and I didn't feel like I was good looking. I was just like this goofy, tall, skinny kid with like acne, whatever, just very insecure. And so I gave myself a challenge going into my, my junior year. I said, okay, I'm sick and tired of feeling scared around every single girl that I'm attracted to.

• 22:40Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 22:40Lewis Howes?

  I'm tired of this. I'm tired of this feeling of not knowing what to say, of just like feeling like an idiot, like I'm, I'm over it, like enough is enough. So I said, every time I go outside during the summer and I see a girl that gives me butterflies, I have to go up and say hi to her.

• 22:54Gabby Bernstein?

  Right.

• 22:54Lewis Howes?

  And just say hi. And then a hi turned into asking for a number into like meeting up later. And by the end of the summer, I was like, I could talk to anyone.

• 23:02Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 23:03Lewis Howes?

  You know, it didn't matter if they like turned me down or didn't talk back to me. I was just like, all right, whatever, on to the next, you know? And I was able to transform my fear by just practicing.

• 23:11Gabby Bernstein?

  By doing it.

• 23:12Lewis Howes?

  Acknowledging, okay, I'm afraid and then practicing different things. Oh, that didn't work? Boom, let me not be a complete idiot the next time and just be more happy or whatever, you know? And just try again.

• 23:23Gabby Bernstein?

  There's a lot in the book about how to, you know, just showing up.

• 23:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:25Gabby Bernstein?

  Just start showing up.

• 23:26Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 23:27Gabby Bernstein?

  And, and trusting in the process of showing up. And trusting that there is, that there is, even when you mess up, you're showing up.

• 23:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 23:35Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 23:35Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Who was the most influential person in your life growing up?

• 23:40Gabby Bernstein?

  Growing up, uh, well, you know, I have to say my mom because while my mom has, has gone through her own had personal healings and struggles and in some ways taught me a lot of the chaotic ways that I was living, uh, just by, you know, being in her presence. She, she, you know, some of what I witnessed her do was channel that frantic energy into creation. And so while I had all this frantic energy, I could have channeled into a lot of things.

• 24:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:09Gabby Bernstein?

  I could, I mean, I did, I channeled into drugs, but it, but I, at the, at the core, this, this channeling of the frantic into creating was a, even though it was coming from a pretty wacky place, was a pretty powerful lesson to learn that I could do anything, that I could, that I could create anything. And so there's a lot of layers to what that was for me. And in retrospect, I can see how it was kind of detrimental in some ways, but mainly amazing.

• 24:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:40Gabby Bernstein?

  Because I wouldn't be sitting here with you today. And, and you know, I think back, like, would you change anything? Would I change anything about my traumatic past or anything? No, because I wouldn't be me right now and I live for this life that I'm in. And I love what, who I am and I am proud of, of everything I've done to this point, even though there may have been a lot of chaos in it. And then I'm really proud of who I'm becoming.

• 24:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:59Gabby Bernstein?

  So I, I wouldn't change it.

• 25:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What was it like, um, when you told your husband when you found out about the trauma? What, what was that conversation like? How did you approach it? How did he respond?

• 25:11Gabby Bernstein?

  I mean, he, I have the most incredible husband in the whole world. And, uh, so he held me. And continues to hold me in in my transformation. And I think on a subtle level, I think he was relieved because not relieved that something had happened to me, but relieved to know. Because there was such a disconnect, you know, the same disconnect that you felt with me on like these random occasions that we'd see each other. Imagine being married to me.

• 25:36Lewis Howes?

  Everyday like, why is she so in control?

• 25:37Gabby Bernstein?

  Why is she trying to control? Why is she so manic, you know? And living with that was very, very hard for him. And there was an energetic disconnect and all he longed for was that connection. And so I think

• 25:49Lewis Howes?

  Intimacy and you letting go and surrendering, yeah.

• 25:52Gabby Bernstein?

  And the moment of acknowledging what it was, I think, was just this great relief for both of us.

• 25:57Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 25:57Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, there's a reason. Okay, I'm not just, I'm not just, this isn't just a sentence, you know, I'm not gonna just be this person. There's actually something to heal.

• 26:06Lewis Howes?

  This is interesting. I'm writing, I don't know if I told you this already, but I'm writing a book called The Mask of Masculinity.

• 26:11Gabby Bernstein?

  Woo, what a title.

• 26:13Lewis Howes?

  Every female who comes on here gives the same reaction.

• 26:15Gabby Bernstein?

  That is fabulous.

• 26:17Lewis Howes?

  Yes, and it's about the the masks that men wear that hold them back from living the most loving, authentic life they could have. And actually, living the life of their dreams and having it all, the relationship, the freedom, peace, everything.

• 26:32Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, my God, I am so proud of you.

• 26:34Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 26:34Gabby Bernstein?

  You're so fabulous.

• 26:35Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 26:36Gabby Bernstein?

  It's beautiful.

• 26:37Lewis Howes?

  And in the process of this research, it's been unbelievable, the research that I'm that I'm learning and the people I'm connecting with about this.

• 26:46Lewis Howes?

  Because I feel like it's my own continual healing process, you know, I wore many masks growing up, you know, I I from the trauma and from other things, I just wore them, you know, to protect myself. And I'm curious to know, to hear your thoughts on this. Do you feel like you in any way hurt your husband from essentially wearing your mask for so many years that you were in a relationship with him and now finally starting to take it off? Do you feel like you affected his life in any way?

• 27:13Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, definitely, yeah. Yeah, I think that. Yeah, I think that, you know, if you're living with someone who's had unhealed trauma, or anyone, we all have unhealed trauma of some kind.

• 27:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:24Gabby Bernstein?

  That we, that our wounds are a mirror of someone else's wounds, or can activate other wounds. And, and so I think that as a result of me taking down my mask, he's been able to take down his.

• 27:36Lewis Howes?

  Cause he probably had to protect himself, or?

• 27:38Gabby Bernstein?

  Absolutely. And also just the defensiveness and the sadness of, of not knowing why there's this disconnect.

• 27:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 27:46Gabby Bernstein?

  And frustration, major frustration. But, you know, there's a lot to be said for two people that are on a path of personal growth. And when they show up, like miracles happen.

• 27:55Lewis Howes?

  Right. How do you feel like he's transformed, or has he, from you letting go and opening up?

• 28:01Gabby Bernstein?

  Um, my husband is the greatest transformation I've ever seen in my life.

• 28:06Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 28:06Gabby Bernstein?

  He is a miracle. He has completely changed his personality. He's changed his attitude about life. He's changed his hair, his beard.

• 28:18Gabby Bernstein?

  You know, and I say that he changes hair and his beard because he's like, you know, he, he left, he worked in private equity for a decade.

• 28:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:24Gabby Bernstein?

  Retired from this very big job to come run his wife's business. You know, it takes a lot of, that takes a lot of confidence for a man to do that.

• 28:31Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 28:31Gabby Bernstein?

  And because I'm now in this place where I let him shine in his greatness, he owns his masculinity.

• 28:39Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 28:39Gabby Bernstein?

  While at the same time, holding a tremendous amount of space for me to be who I am in the world and be proud of that. You know, standing in the back of my, you know, lecture halls and just like smiling and just being so proud, you know? And not feeling, feeling like he is, is creating this with me. And I know it's God's work. I know that he and I were placed together to do this work. And there's a lot of people in my field that have, you know, teamed up with their spouses. And I think it is. I mean, I think that there's, there is something about having, you know, it in, all in the same home and trusting, trusting the person that's behind you.

• 29:11Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. Did you feel like he ever felt emasculated through?

• 29:15Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, definitely.

• 29:16Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 29:17Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, my God. God, poor God bless me. I was such a, I was only in my masculine. That's all I knew how to do.

• 29:23Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 29:23Gabby Bernstein?

  Because in that running, like femininity meant, meant vulnerability.

• 29:28Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 29:28Gabby Bernstein?

  And vulnerability wasn't safe for me.

• 29:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen vulnerable until now. I mean, being, opening up.

• 29:34Gabby Bernstein?

  I would be vulnerable on my stage. Like when I would give a talk, I would let myself be vulnerable.

• 29:40Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 29:40Gabby Bernstein?

  Um, you know, just let myself be moved by what I was sharing because all the while I would feel, I would, I could feel God move through me, you know, God, universe, whatever you want to call it. Um, I would let spirit move, move through me. And so there's, there's, there's sort of an undeniable vulnerability that comes through when you're letting yourself be a channel for that kind of truth.

• 29:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Uh. But then right when you jump off, you're back into like control.

• 30:02Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:02Lewis Howes?

  Masculine mode.

• 30:03Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. Second I get off that seat. But the one place where I did feel free was on stage and speaking.

• 30:10Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 30:11Gabby Bernstein?

  And where I would really let go and I'd really let, let something else move through or in my meditation.

• 30:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:16Gabby Bernstein?

  Um, but now I'm letting it happen in, in a conversation right here with you or, you know, in, in, in a, you know, I had lunch, I had breakfast this morning with my best friend from, that I grew up with. I only have this one friend that is from childhood.

• 30:29Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 30:30Gabby Bernstein?

  And he, you know, I, like, he's the only one.

• 30:32Lewis Howes?

  Who gets you.

• 30:33Gabby Bernstein?

  He's the only one. Like, we're like, remember when we were this age? And like, he lives out here. And so I, I sat with him and I like, didn't pick up the phone. I sat, you know, he, shared about what's going on with me, shared about his mom's diagnosis. Like, we went deep and very fast. You know, we hadn't spoken to him in a, you know, a year and went right in. And so this capacity to be vulnerable and real even in breakfast, you know, it's new.

• 30:56Lewis Howes?

  Any moment. Yeah.

• 30:56Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, it's new.

• 30:57Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. How's it feel?

• 30:59Gabby Bernstein?

  I feel so great. I'm so glad.

• 31:02Lewis Howes?

  You look like you have so much weight off your shoulders.

• 31:04Gabby Bernstein?

  It's amazing. It's amazing. You know, don't be afraid. I guess my message in this is don't be afraid to, to let go of the rope and don't be afraid to let healing occur, even if, even though it's so scary. Uh, because it's far more scary not to go there.

• 31:19Lewis Howes?

  Right. What would you say was, did you realize you're in your masculine energy a lot?

• 31:24Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 31:25Lewis Howes?

  You realized it. You recognized it.

• 31:26Gabby Bernstein?

  But I had no idea how to get out.

• 31:27Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. What would you say is now your definition, or I guess then, but what's your definition of masculinity in general now?

• 31:37Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, what a nice question. Um, well, I think that there's fabulous, there is so much great about being in the masculine, right? It's for me, it was sort of the embodiment of creation and confidence and, and speaking up and having a voice. And not that that's not feminine too, but, but, but in a sort of, sort of a loud and proud way, right? Sort of owning my circumstances and, and, and not being afraid to, to show up.

• 32:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:06Gabby Bernstein?

  And so there's, that can, you can do that from a feminine place, of course.

• 32:11Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 32:11Gabby Bernstein?

  But there's a, there's a, there's a fierceness around being in that masculine energy, which, which is, you know, mo- most of my contemporaries that are women, some of which are on your wall, um, the key to their successes was being in that masculine. But I think the key to their greatest successes will be merging that masculine with their feminine.

• 32:28Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 32:31Lewis Howes?

  You have to let me know, because I've never been married. When you're in a marriage and the female is being masculine the majority of the time, is it possible for the man to be just as masculine? Or do they have to kind of default into their feminine to be able to just function?

• 32:47Gabby Bernstein?

  Hmm.

• 32:50Gabby Bernstein?

  Well, first of all, I think you should interview Marianne Williamson for your book.

• 32:52Lewis Howes?

  I've had her in.

• 32:53Gabby Bernstein?

  Okay, great. But for the book.

• 32:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:55Gabby Bernstein?

  Because she's done a lot of work on this concept.

• 32:56Lewis Howes?

  Sure, okay.

• 32:57Gabby Bernstein?

  But I think that we dance a lot. I think couples can dance between both. So my husband can be very masculine and, you know, take care of business and, you know, runs, like my house, like runs on a full tight ship. Because that man is so, you know, he's got his, he's like getting his contractor's license, like he is legit.

• 33:15Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 33:16Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, he's amazing. And, um, and then also like legal, he's a lawyer, so he runs legal, like he's gonna run shit, you know?

• 33:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:23Gabby Bernstein?

  But then at the same time, he can move into the space of the feminine and like let me nurture and take care of him in that sort of feminine, softer, gentler place. So I think that we, that learning the dance and learning like these areas are when it's great when I'm in my masculine. And these areas are great when he's in his feminine and, and vice versa. And, and, and I don't think there's anything wrong with slipping in and out, as long as you go in and out. You don't just stay in these two head butting places.

• 33:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:49Gabby Bernstein?

  Um, and, and I think it's extremely important. This is what Marianne has taught me. It's extremely important that we as women make a commitment to being art feminine. Because you guys need it, like you.

• 34:02Lewis Howes?

  If you're masculine, we don't know what to do, right? It's like.

• 34:05Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, you, your makeup, and there's a beautiful book by Luanne Brizendeen, the book on the female brain. And she talks about how like, the male brain, like, just needs to, to like, to help and support and serve. And, and there's a lot of bodies of work on this, you know, Alison Armstrong, all this great work on, on, on the male, the male brain. The man, the man is like, hardwired to, to support, to fix, to make things. And so the woman's constantly doing that. You're, I'm not letting a man do his job, like.

• 34:35Lewis Howes?

  If you're constantly fixing everything, yeah.

• 34:38Gabby Bernstein?

  You just gotta let them, let them in, let them show up, let them make the reservation.

• 34:42Lewis Howes?

  Part time, sometimes, right?

• 34:43Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes.

• 34:44Lewis Howes?

  Majority of the time, whatever, yeah.

• 34:45Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes, yes.

• 34:46Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 34:47Gabby Bernstein?

  It's crucial.

• 34:48Lewis Howes?

  So you've, you've seen a huge shift then, in, in your relationship because of this?

• 34:52Gabby Bernstein?

  Much deeper connection.

• 34:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 34:54Gabby Bernstein?

  And respect for one another. And, and I've fallen in love with him again in a different way. And I believe it's the same for him.

• 34:59Lewis Howes?

  Did you ever feel like the relationship, and maybe I'm getting too personal here, but did you ever feel like the relationship was going to not work out in your marriage?

• 35:06Gabby Bernstein?

  No, I always had a lot of faith in our relationship because even the darkest times, we were willing to do the work.

• 35:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:11Gabby Bernstein?

  And so I think that.

• 35:12Lewis Howes?

  You've been committed.

• 35:13Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, but, but rather than just beyond commitment and having a ring, think if two people are willing to like, do the spiritual and personal growth work around being in a relationship, it can work.

• 35:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:25Gabby Bernstein?

  It really can work, it can thrive.

• 35:26Lewis Howes?

  What's it mean to have a spiritual practice? What does that mean and look like? Does that mean praying every day?

• 35:33Gabby Bernstein?

  What it means what you want it to mean. I mean, this book, these books I write are helping people establish a spiritual relationship and practice of their own understanding. And so for me, what it means is having daily devotion to connecting to the universe, to source, to love, right? To, to God, to the million ways of calling it. I, I call it all, right? I go call it God, I'll call it the universe, I'll call it spirit, but, or alignment. But, but, but having daily devotion to that alignment.

• 36:01Lewis Howes?

  Is that considered meditation or just a period of time?

• 36:04Gabby Bernstein?

  Prayer, meditation, devoting time. And sometimes that time may only be five minutes in the morning, but for me, I make a commitment at least 20 to just really listen. And then in the afternoon, I try to do it as well because you just like you get taken out all day long. And then throughout the day, being in, I live in a constant prayer. You know, every moment, there's like some shit that's thrown at me and I'm like, how can I see this differently? Help me change my mind about this and just offering it up and offering it up. And there's actually tons of prayers in this book.

• 36:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:33Gabby Bernstein?

  Um, which I, which I'm so proud of. And I think that like one of my special skills is like prayer giver. Like I just like to give prayer. And I love to like channel prayers. Just like, it's just like one of my favorite things to do.

• 36:44Lewis Howes?

  What's one you're channeling right now?

• 36:46Gabby Bernstein?

  Uh, I mean, all throughout the book, there's tons of prayers on surrender. And so that's probably the one that I'm living in right now is you thank you, universe for taking this from me, helping me see this with love. Something very simple, right?

• 36:58Lewis Howes?

  You just say that over in your mind or you say it out loud or?

• 37:00Gabby Bernstein?

  In my mind, if I'm with someone that's, that's highly level, highly spiritual that wants to go there, I'll say it out loud.

• 37:07Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 37:08Gabby Bernstein?

  Um, but just being in that conscious communication and being in connection spiritually, I mean, it is a conversation. It's constantly bridging your lower vibe self to your higher self.

• 37:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 37:21Gabby Bernstein?

  Through prayer.

• 37:22Lewis Howes?

  How does the universe have people's back when they feel like they'd never have a break? And they're, you know, people in Syria, I just watched a documentary in Syria about there's just bombings every single day. I'm just helpless people that are just trying to live life, have nothing to do with what, what's happening.

• 37:40Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 37:40Lewis Howes?

  For people that just feel like I never got a break. I never get a break. The universe does not have my back. How are they supposed to believe or feel that it does?

• 37:49Gabby Bernstein?

  Well, in those situations, that's when we need faith most because otherwise what are you living for? And it's a beautiful question because it's very easy for us to sit here and like your Los Angeles apartment.

• 38:01Lewis Howes?

  Look at this view.

• 38:01Gabby Bernstein?

  And selling books and be like, the universe totally has my back. Um, but you know, looking at this refugees and, and looking at the bombings and looking at, at what's happening, you know, in the world that, that is, that is devastation.

• 38:15Lewis Howes?

  Or even just single moms of three who are like,

• 38:17Gabby Bernstein?

  Devastation.

• 38:18Lewis Howes?

  I have no, you know, I can't get the job. I have no time. I'm stressed. I'm just like overwhelmed.

• 38:22Gabby Bernstein?

  So the, so the, the answer in that is that we all. While some of our problems are far worse than others, at the root, we all have the same problem. It's just choosing to lean into the fear, choosing to believe in the fear. Now, I want to be very clear, I don't want to offend anybody, so I don't want to take away anything from the people who are suffering versus the people who are thriving in first world countries, right? So let's not take anything away from the real suffering in this world. But from a spiritual perspective, there's one problem, which is believing in the fear. And the more we believe in the fear, the more, you know, that becomes an epidemic. And that epidemic becomes a war, becomes all the division that we see in the world. It becomes racial injustice, or becomes, and that's, you know, the root cause of all of the problems in this world

• 39:05Gabby Bernstein?

  are based on our belief in fear. And so those people that are suffering and stuck in these very, very difficult situations, the ones that will thrive, and I write about many of them in the book, you know, Le Ma Gabawi, and I write about, you know, Viktor Frankl, and I write about, you know, the people who in the midst of the darkest moments chose to see the light. Chose to see with love, chose to lean into love, and chose to lean into faith. And because of that faith, created movements, Gandhi, right? Created movements. And so because we have these divine powers of example, it's very easy for us to lean on them.

• 39:45Gabby Bernstein?

  You know, and say, it's, it's, it's, that many people are given a tremendous, of, a tremendous amount of difficulty that will be far worse than the average person. But in the same breath, what are you going to do with it? It's a lot to ask of somebody who's, who's, who's lost their home and doesn't have, you know, how do you find love in those situations? But at the root of it all, it is a choice, it is a mental decision. And so they're probably, we should, we should keep our eyes out for the, for the miracles that we hear from the refugees, right? It's like people that, you know, through prayer and faith can have, you know, found, maybe found their way into a home that was exactly as it needed to be, or, you know, there are miraculous stories.

• 40:30Gabby Bernstein?

  But I mean, in the same breath, it's also, what I think is most important, is for those of us who are in first world countries that don't have these problems, right? Or, or people who are not suffering from, from war, you know, war, violence, or bombing. It's really our responsibility to show up. Show up in the greatest way that we can, in honor of those who don't have the, the support and, and the resources that we have.

• 40:55Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious about, you know, it's kind of a contradictory, contradictory thought to think that when I'm not in control, when I, when I let go, that actually create more freedom and more certainty by letting go. How, how is that possible?

• 41:09Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 41:10Lewis Howes?

  That when we let go, we're not in control, we actually have freedom.

• 41:12Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 41:13Lewis Howes?

  And more certainty. Are you feeling that and experiencing that?

• 41:15Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm living that right now. I'm really living that right now. Like you said, like this is my fifth book and this launch is the biggest book launch I've ever had.

• 41:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you're everywhere.

• 41:24Gabby Bernstein?

  I quadrupled my pre-orders and all these things. And I've been the most relaxed, the most faithful, the most receptive, the most aligned, the most, you know, forgiving when shit went wrong.

• 41:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:38Gabby Bernstein?

  The most willing to like heal throughout the process because it brings up stuff, you know? And the most willing to let people help me and let the universe help me. And so I can say that with conviction that, that you can speed up by slowing down. And that, and really, so what it is, is that resistance is what blocks us from receiving support and guidance. Resistance comes from the belief systems and fear-based thoughts that keep us negative and in these low, low vibe energy. It's in the absence of resistance that we start to feel supported. So when we can shed the patterns and belief systems and energy and, and, and

• 42:17Gabby Bernstein?

  start to, to truly breathe and truly, and truly believe, believe, believe, believe, that's when we can allow ourselves to, to genuinely receive

• 42:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:28Gabby Bernstein?

  the support that we need and that we long for.

• 42:30Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, hmm. What is something you're extremely proud of that most people don't know about? Because your life is very public. You've had a lot out there. You speak about a lot of things on the press and the media, but something we don't know that you're extremely proud of?

• 42:44Gabby Bernstein?

  Um.

• 42:45Lewis Howes?

  Or that most people don't know?

• 42:47Gabby Bernstein?

  I am proud of my willingness to heal. I am not an avoider. I see that there's something up and I show up. And even last night, when I was in so much resistance to wanting to get to the deeper level of this healing with Sheila Kelly, I was still willing, you know? So I'm proud of that willingness.

• 43:07Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 43:08Gabby Bernstein?

  Even when it's scary.

• 43:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 43:11Lewis Howes?

  What's the role of love in overcoming fear?

• 43:15Gabby Bernstein?

  So love is the antidote. Love is the opposite. And love, not from a romantic love conversation, but love being the energy and ever-present essence of love that is within us and around us, and it's the truth of who we are. And so when we start to reprogram our thinking and reorganize our belief systems and change our energy, we return to love. That's Mary Ann Williamson would say. We return to love.

• 43:42Lewis Howes?

  That's the title of her book.

• 43:43Gabby Bernstein?

  It is. It's her most famous book. We return to love. And that remembrance, really, I believe that a spiritual journey truly is unlearning fear and remembering love.

• 43:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What would you feel now that you've started opening up about your trauma? What do you feel your purpose is?

• 44:03Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. My purpose hasn't changed, actually. It's to crack people open to a spiritual relationship of their own understanding so that they can find freedom and peace and healing.

• 44:15Lewis Howes?

  And your biggest teacher's been Mary Ann?

• 44:16Gabby Bernstein?

  She's been one of my biggest teachers. Deepak Chopra is a dear teacher and friend. And really, probably my most cherished teacher is Dr. Wayne Dyer. And I don't say was, I say is, because there's a whole chapter in the book about how I've been channeling Wayne. And you know, one of the things I don't talk about, here's another thing I don't talk about, unapologetically owning my mediumship. So we all are mediums, I believe. But it's just sort of how do we fine tune that skill like we would anything, like playing the piano. And so the more free I've become, the more my connection has deepened. You know, I'll be on stage and all of a sudden I'll hear someone's grandmother tell them, "Shit, I gotta tell her this," but I don't know how to tell her. You know, so I've been channeling Wayne, and he's been a really clean, clear voice. And he wants everyone

• 45:01Gabby Bernstein?

  to know that anyone who, he'll come to anyone that needs him, like any angel or spirit or guide. But this may be heady for some of your listeners, but you know, take it or leave it. But that he comes, he really wants to support people who are in the commitment to being a voice for the light. And so I've been hearing him come through and there's been tremendous like these like synchronistic experiences of I was getting messages for his daughters and like through a series of events was like there was another medium who like called me and said Wayne wants you to know that it is him and like you know that you are and then like you know getting on the phones with his daughters and like giving them the message and they're like what how could you know any of this you know so I had I've given he's given me proof that he's with me and and so he I say he is my most

• 45:46Gabby Bernstein?

  transformational teacher because the way the embodiment of his faith is what I want in my life and it's what I strive for.

• 45:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I never got to meet him, but uh.

• 45:56Gabby Bernstein?

  You would have loved this podcast.

• 45:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:58Gabby Bernstein?

  Well, he's here now.

• 45:59Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure. The Power of Intention, that was his book, right?

• 46:02Gabby Bernstein?

  He has so many.

• 46:02Lewis Howes?

  I think The Power of Intention is a book when I first discovered him was probably 15 years ago, 13, 15 years ago. I remember I was 21, 22, something like that. I remember it was like, wow, this is really powerful information, just intention we have, things we want, the way we want to be. And I fell in love with the guy at that moment, so.

• 46:22Gabby Bernstein?

  He's just profound and he's even more connected now. Now, he's doing such great bigger work now. And I think that's why he left his body now because he's like, I got more to do and I have to do it this way.

• 46:32Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 46:33Gabby Bernstein?

  And so there was a chapter in the book that I write about him, but then at the end of the chapter, I share about how towards the end of writing that chapter, I felt him standing over my desk like this huge tall presence looking down at me. I just stopped in my tracks and just was moved to tears because I just knew, I know, but you're here.

• 46:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's cool.

• 46:52Gabby Bernstein?

  It is.

• 46:52Lewis Howes?

  What are you most grateful for recently in your life?

• 46:55Gabby Bernstein?

  Reconnecting to my mediumship, like accepting my mediumship and and and recommitting to that to being a channel and just accepting it, you know, just, just like, I don't talk about this publicly because it's not really something that I would even really want to talk about publicly because it's like, it's like any skill or gift. It's like you wouldn't go bragging about it. It weakens it, you know, but but it's something I'm proud of that I can have that connection now.

• 47:20Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. Very cool. How does that work? I mean, I'm always fascinated by this. Like, do you just channel it in moments or do you have to go into a place?

• 47:27Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 47:28Lewis Howes?

  Personally?

• 47:29Gabby Bernstein?

  You have to go into a place.

• 47:30Lewis Howes?

  You have to be ready for it. You're like.

• 47:32Gabby Bernstein?

  You can, you can try to like, okay, so look, there's plenty of people that are not like. Fully healed that are mediums, that are tremendous mediums, you know, so it's kind of like any skill. Like, some people could wake up in the morning and they're like amazing at the piano.

• 47:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:45Gabby Bernstein?

  You know, it's, there's different skills.

• 47:46Lewis Howes?

  They just see it.

• 47:46Gabby Bernstein?

  How clear are you and, and you could be born with it? Like, this is a very innate skill that is, is, is tapped in. And, and for me, it was always sort of present in my life. But, you know, everyone is a medium, like the way anyone can pick up and, you know, write a book if they wanted to, right? Even if I don't have any literary background and I've written five books, right?

• 48:05Lewis Howes?

  Me either, yeah.

• 48:05Gabby Bernstein?

  So, you figure it out. But it's the same thing with, with mediumship. It's, it's, it's, it's a practice and it's something that you, that you channel and funnel. And so what I would recommend if someone's like, oh, this sounds interesting. There's actually a lot of meditations in this book. And following those meditations, I suggest a lot of free writing. And so letting your pen flow, letting yourself just be in a surrendered state, but tuning in first through meditation and prayer.

• 48:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:30Gabby Bernstein?

  And centering your energy and aligning your energy with source energy with, with, with, you almost feel like your body begins to vibrate when you meditate. Or maybe you felt that kind of peace come over you in a meditation practice or through a prayer. And then in that space, just write. Now, I channel the most when I'm speaking publicly. I just really step back and allow. And that's when a lot of times when I'm taking Q and A, I'll hear things. And the other night I just heard this woman, I was like, your mother really wants you to forgive her. Like, let's just accept it, you know? And, and I started saying things to her and she's like, how would you know that later? And I was like, because she was telling me, you know? And so just getting out of the way is really the key to being a channel.

• 49:07Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 49:08Gabby Bernstein?

  But it's not just listening to spirits or guides. It's also just letting, letting, you, you channeled your book, whether you realize it or not. You just let that come through you.

• 49:15Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 49:15Gabby Bernstein?

  You channel right now. This work is all just letting intuition move through you.

• 49:19Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm. For the women listening who think, you know, Gabby's incredible, she's beautiful, she's got the husband, the books, the career, everything. I don't have that type of confidence. I don't have the type of self-love. I don't think I'm worthy enough of the things that she has or the things that they want to create. How do they build more self-love, self-confidence and worthiness in themselves?

• 49:43Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. Well, I think the first part is a reframe, right? I think that a lot of times we're going to look at people who have things that we want and say, I'm not good enough. But my way of seeing folks like that is looking and saying, the light that I see in them is a reflection of who I am, is a reflection of my light. And so even if you don't believe that yet, it's just, you know, act as if, say it out loud. That, that what I admire in someone is a reflection of what I am, of what I'm stepping into, of who, you know, of my true essence. Not necessarily of what I want to be or long to be, you already are. And, and then also, you know, getting out of judgment and separation, because one of the biggest things that holds women back from stepping into their authentic power is judging and separating, seeing themselves as less than, or judging people for having something that they want.

• 50:28Lewis Howes?

  Why do they do that?

• 50:29Gabby Bernstein?

  Well, this is a whole body of work that you know I'm going to be writing about for my next book.

• 50:32Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 50:33Gabby Bernstein?

  Is judgment. And judgment is a disowned part of our shadow. We use judgment to avoid having to face what we don't want to see in ourselves. And it's an addiction.

• 50:45Lewis Howes?

  Judging others.

• 50:46Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. And judging ourselves.

• 50:48Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's the biggest probably.

• 50:50Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 50:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 50:51Gabby Bernstein?

  Big time.

• 50:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's funny, you know, there's lots of people that judge others online, they leave comments, a lot of negative comments. And I feel like as creators, it's hard to judge and create at the same time, just like it's hard to be in fear and in love at the same time.

• 51:04Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 51:05Lewis Howes?

  You know, when you're creating, you're not judging other people.

• 51:07Gabby Bernstein?

  No, no.

• 51:09Lewis Howes?

  You're focused on creation.

• 51:10Gabby Bernstein?

  You're right.

• 51:11Lewis Howes?

  And you're not, you don't want to bring others down when you're creating, because you know how hard it is to create.

• 51:15Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 51:16Lewis Howes?

  And so I think when the people that are judging, if they just start creating something, they'll stop judging.

• 51:21Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes.

• 51:21Lewis Howes?

  And mostly they're not doing anything.

• 51:23Gabby Bernstein?

  Ooh, that's a good tip for my book. Thank you.

• 51:25Lewis Howes?

  You're welcome.

• 51:25Gabby Bernstein?

  Get into creation and you'll be out of judgment. Yeah.

• 51:28Lewis Howes?

  If you're just sitting back and watching everything, you're just going to be analyzing, analyzing, judging.

• 51:33Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, because you're seeing what you're not doing.

• 51:34Lewis Howes?

  I'm not doing anything.

• 51:35Gabby Bernstein?

  But get into the doing.

• 51:36Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 51:36Gabby Bernstein?

  And you clear judgment. Oh, this is another chapter in the book.

• 51:39Lewis Howes?

  Be loving and then do something. And then you can have, yeah, yeah. Be do have. That's it. This is a question I asked towards the end. It's called the three truths. Now, many, many years from now, it's your last day. And for some reason, all of your books and videos and interviews have been erased from time. And you're about to have your last moment. Everyone's there, you've said goodbye to everyone. And they give you, they say, we don't have anything to remember of you, but here's a piece of paper and a pen to write down three truths. The three things you know to be true about everything you've experienced in life that you would pass on to us, the lessons you would pass on to us. What would you say are your three truths?

• 52:20Gabby Bernstein?

  There is an ever-present energy of love that is supporting you and around you. Number one, there is, with conviction. This is a lesson from Yogi Bhajan, but

• 52:33Gabby Bernstein?

  understand through compassion.

• 52:36Gabby Bernstein?

  Compassion will remind you of who you are and will help you forgive whatever it is that you thought you knew.

• 52:44Gabby Bernstein?

  And the final one is very simple. It's choose love. Because that's what this whole gig is about. It's the more that we choose love, the more we let go of what we thought we needed and we allow what we really need to come in.

• 52:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I love that one. Those are great. If you had to get a tattoo on your forehead that was in reverse, so that only when you looked in the mirror, you could see it.

• 53:10Lewis Howes?

  And every time you look in the mirror, you see one word.

• 53:11Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 53:12Lewis Howes?

  Or message.

• 53:14Gabby Bernstein?

  I am love.

• 53:15Lewis Howes?

  I am love.

• 53:16Gabby Bernstein?

  That'd be a good one to see every day.

• 53:18Lewis Howes?

  I like that.

• 53:18Gabby Bernstein?

  Good reminder.

• 53:19Lewis Howes?

  It's good. It's good.

• 53:23Lewis Howes?

  Is there a question that no one's ever asked you that you wish they would?

• 53:28Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, these are so good. Uh, let's see.

• 53:36Gabby Bernstein?

  You know, maybe something like, what are your special skills? Like, what do you do that is unique about you?

• 53:40Lewis Howes?

  Okay, besides mediumship, what are your special skills?

• 53:44Gabby Bernstein?

  I ride a unicycle.

• 53:45Lewis Howes?

  A unicycle? What?

• 53:46Gabby Bernstein?

  I can ride a unicycle.

• 53:48Lewis Howes?

  For more than like a couple of seconds? No way. I've never seen a video of this or anything.

• 53:52Gabby Bernstein?

  I have. I have video footage. In my first book, there's photos.

• 53:56Lewis Howes?

  What?

• 53:56Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, no, I'm sorry.

• 53:57Lewis Howes?

  I think I remember now. The ING book?

• 53:59Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 53:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I remember that now. Yeah, that's funny.

• 54:01Gabby Bernstein?

  It is kind of funny.

• 54:04Gabby Bernstein?

  I

• 54:05Lewis Howes?

  How'd you learn that?

• 54:06Gabby Bernstein?

  I was in a circus art school when I was younger.

• 54:08Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing.

• 54:10Gabby Bernstein?

  When I was like rock out on the stage or a unicycle.

• 54:12Lewis Howes?

  Amazing.

• 54:13Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, it's a special skill.

• 54:14Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 54:15Gabby Bernstein?

  It's like riding a bike. You can just pick it up and go.

• 54:16Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 54:18Gabby Bernstein?

  I, I, I'm like passionate about cooking. Like so, so, so passionate about cooking. It's one of my meditations. I think that cooking is an art and it's meditation. And it makes me so happy to cook a meal and to prepare a meal and serve a meal and eat the meal.

• 54:35Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. Before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Gabby, for your incredible ability to shift and open up and transform your own energy and for letting go, because I know how challenging it can be to hold on to something for so long, 30 years for you, and I really acknowledge you for stepping out of your comfort zone in a major way, shifting all of your relationships in the process, healing yourself and being an incredible catalyst of love for so many people around the world for all the work that you do. So it's amazing.

• 55:10Gabby Bernstein?

  Thank you.

• 55:11Lewis Howes?

  You're welcome.

• 55:12Gabby Bernstein?

  Thank you.

• 55:13Lewis Howes?

  The Universe Has Your Back, Transform Fear to Faith. Make sure you guys get this book ASAP. Share with your friends. Share this out with your friends for anyone you think could be, uh, could be useful for. Um, connect with Gabby on social media. You're at Gabby Bernstein everywhere. And also, uh, is there anything else you want to say before I ask the final question?

• 55:36Gabby Bernstein?

  I was gonna say thank you. I just think that you're such an amazing man and I'm so proud of, of you and I'm just proud to be your friend and

• 55:41Lewis Howes?

  Appreciate it.

• 55:42Gabby Bernstein?

  I, I mean it. Like when we, when we knew that I was gonna come on this podcast, I told my PR, like, this is the most important thing I'm gonna do. And I don't just say that just because of like the reach, but because, and you said to me at the beginning, you were like, um, you know, uh, what, what is it that you're like, what could make this the best podcast? I was like, it already is because the first time I interviewed with you, I was just so moved by your talent in interviewing and this one just is far, far beyond even the last one.

• 56:10Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it.

• 56:11Gabby Bernstein?

  I mean it. I really mean it.

• 56:12Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it. Thanks. Okay. Well, the final question is what's your definition of greatness?

• 56:17Gabby Bernstein?

  To stand in your authentic truth.

• 56:21Lewis Howes?

  Gabby Bernstein. Thanks for coming on. Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

• 56:28Speaker 00

  There you have it. I hope you guys enjoyed this special interview with Gabby. I feel like she's never really opened up in this unique way before. She's never really revealed some of these things. My goal was to go a little bit deeper than she normally goes in her other interviews, and I hope you took away a lot of valuable information. If you did, make sure to share this with your friends. LewisHowes.com/391. Tweet it out, post it on Facebook, post it on Instagram. Let me know what you think, and also make sure to support Gabby. Get her new book, "The Universe Has Your Back", and let her know what you thought of this interview over on social media. I love you guys so very much. We do this every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,

• 57:08Speaker 00

  and it's grown in such a profound, incredible platform, all because of you. So continue to listen, continue to download, continue to spread the message, and share the School of Greatness podcast. By you doing that, I'm able to bring on some of the biggest, most inspiring names in the world because of the platform you have created. So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for all you do to spread this message. We've got some incredible guests coming up soon. I'm so pumped to introduce to you some of these big guests we've had on that we're about to release here in the coming weeks. So make sure to stay tuned. Subscribe if this is your first time here on the podcast. You can stay tuned to all the latest and greatest on the School of Greatness podcast.

• 57:53Speaker 00

  And I'll leave you with this: "The Universe Has Your Back". Make sure you trust the process of your life and allow it to flow into living the life of your dreams. I hope you guys enjoyed this one, and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.