How Embracing My Traumatic Past Unlocked Overflowing Abundance | Lewis Howes

I recently had an incredible sit down conversation at VeeCon, diving deep into topics that are close to my heart. We explored the power of honesty versus authenticity, the journey of personal growth, and how to build genuine connections with an audience. I opened up about my experiences with trauma, the importance of emotional healing, and how focusing on service has transformed my life and career. We also tackled some tough questions about masculinity and purpose. This interview gave me a chance to share insights from my own journey and offer guidance to others looking to live a life of greatness! In this episode you will learnThe crucial difference between honesty and authenticity, and why honesty is the next level of connectionHow confronting our deepest fears and shame can lead to personal and professional growthStrategies for building genuine connections with an audience, even when you're nervous or unsureThe importance of having a clear purpose and vision in today's worldWhy serving others and making an impact is the key to true fulfillment and successFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1668For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Eckhart Tolle – https://link.chtbl.com/1463-podRhonda Byrne – https://link.chtbl.com/1525-podJohn Maxwell – https://link.chtbl.com/1501-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  It's about being honest and integrous with who you are. What are you hiding? What are you afraid of? What are you ashamed of? What do you be insecure about? What are you proud of? Be honest about all of it. I think that builds connection. And connection is what will move your mission forward.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Here in conversation today with Lewis Howes. Lewis Howes is an entrepreneur, author, and former pro athlete, host of the School of Greatness podcast.

• 0:24Lewis Howes?

  When I launched my episode talking about sexual abuse 10 years ago, I remember thinking to myself, my business is over. I'm gonna have to find another way to make money. Everyone's gonna unfollow me. But if it helps heal one man, it is worth it to me. When someone tapped in that part of my soul, that was an open wound. The psychological and emotional wounds that I had were deep. When I started to invest in emotional healing, everything took off. My business took off, my content took off. Opportunities started to come to me. Really abundance started to flow when I started to heal the psychological and emotional wounds.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Welcome, everyone. I mean, I feel like I don't even need to do an introduction with all the yelling that's already happening. But just in case, we are in conversation today with Lewis Howes. Mastering Media Impact: The Power of Positive Media. Now, I'm Swan.

• 1:18Lewis Howes?

  Don't everyone all clap at once?

• 1:20Speaker 01

  No, no, we're gonna give you the full introduction. I'm gonna give them the massive introduction. But yes, let's do a huge round of applause for Lewis Howes.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  And I'm Swan Sit. I used to be in corporate America as the head of digital at companies like Nike, Revlon, Estee Lauder. And thanks to Clubhouse, it changed my life. And now I'm a creator, I'm on public company boards, I'm a business advisor. Now, I get a lot of flack because my background is, let's just positively call it diverse. I don't know anyone else who has a more diverse background than you. Right, so I'm gonna admit, I cheated a little bit. I used ChatGPT to write an intro for you. And it said, Lewis Howes is an entrepreneur, author, and former pro athlete, host of the School of Greatness, a popular podcast that features interviews with successful and influential individuals. This podcast has garnered a large following due to its focus on success stories, personal growth, and inspirational content.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Pretty good. But it fails to mention lots of other things about you that I think are equally, if not more, important. You're not just an ex-pro athlete, two ex-all-American. You played with the Olympic handball team, so sorry that Vicon got in the way of your Olympic planning in Paris. But it also lists other things. You had a learning disability. You were sexually abused when you were five years old. Your brother went to prison when you were eight. You didn't have a lot of friends when you were little, and you even paid two people to be in their club when you were seven. There's a lot in there. And normally, I think, a 90-minute podcast, guys, we would walk this journey. We don't have that time.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  We have 25 minutes, and you guys are a smart audience. You know who this incredible man is. So what we're gonna do is assume that baseline of knowledge of somebody who's been vulnerable, honest, and inspirational to millions, hundreds of millions around the world, and we're gonna actually jump off those topics, if that's okay with you. Nothing's off limits? You told me that? Okay. So let's start with why you're different. Because there's a lot of inspirational speakers out there. You have top 10, I know it moves sometimes to top 25, or let's say, top 10 podcasts in the world inspiring people. You're vulnerable, you're honest, but a lot of people have had trauma.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Why do you think yours hits people in the heart, gets them to feel, and motivates them to change?

• 3:50Lewis Howes?

  Well, I think getting in early helps. I think, you know, I've been doing it for 11 and a half years, every single week for 11 and a half years, and I think when you are that consistent and you keep seeing how you can get better every week, good things should happen to you after 11 and a half years. So I think the consistency, I'm very curious, I just care a lot about learning about people and what makes them tick and what makes them unique as well, so I really enjoy listening. And having a great team, you know, I've got an amazing team at Team Greatness that care about a mission. We're on a mission to serve 100 million lives every single week. And so with those, with the mission and kind of the metrics we have every single week of

• 4:32Lewis Howes?

  trying to improve, to reach more people and getting feedback every day, I get feedback all the time on how I can improve. I think just showing up consistently after 11 and a half years, good things tend to happen.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  I think you're also being modest, though, because being early and consistent is part of it, but the vulnerability, I mean, the podcast that you had that I think talked about sexual abuse, you recorded it and didn't release it for six months. That is, and you were open about, like, I thought people were gonna hate on me, drop me, not follow me, my business would crash.

• 5:06Lewis Howes?

  I thought I would lose my business, yeah.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:08Lewis Howes?

  This was, I don't know, nine or 10 years ago when I did this podcast, and it's still, I think, the most downloaded episode I've ever done was when I kind of opened up about that. And I think 10 years ago, people weren't really being vulnerable online. Like, I didn't see others talk about things that had happened to them. I felt more called, like, if I didn't do it, I would be discounting my creator. I was like, felt pulled to talk about it, but at the same time, I thought my business would be over, I thought everyone would unfollow me, and I thought I'd be, you know, broke. But I felt like I would be doing a disservice to my, my mission, to God, if I didn't talk about it. And when I released it, it was

• 5:50Lewis Howes?

  the opposite. Like, I, I grew exponentially. And I think I realized people were craving that, because a lot of people were afraid to talk about their challenges. My challenge that I dealt with for 25 years was holding on to the shame of being sexually abused. I'm not saying you should talk about your past publicly. I felt called. I felt like I was supposed to, because I had a platform, I felt like I was listening to my inner voice, and it was telling me to. But I also felt terrified. I felt like, I'm done. Like, everything is, everything I've worked for is over when I do this, but it, I have to do it. And so listening to that voice made it, made me do it. But I held on to not posting this episode for six months, like you, you mentioned.

• 6:35Lewis Howes?

  And I had a big emotional hangover for a couple of months. Because I got hundreds of emails from men, opening up to me for the first time about their sexual abuse experience, thanking me because they didn't have the courage to talk about it themselves. And now they went and talked about it with their wives and with their families and got therapy. And I think people crave, just someone being honest, you know? It's not about being authentic, I think it's about being honest. And integrous with who you are. We're talking backstage about divorcing the identity of a past that we hold on to. And I think when we hold on to having to look a certain way,

• 7:20Lewis Howes?

  based on our titles or our corporate success or follower count or whatever it might be, we hold on to that identity as opposed to just being honest about who we truly are. That will hold us back until we release it. And so that was a starting point for me. And I think, once I opened that door, I couldn't go back. I wrote a book about releasing the masks, of how we all wear different masks at different times, you know? And we're all flawed human beings. I'm extremely flawed. And it's a constant reminder, we were talking backstage about, why I have an emotional coach. Not because something's wrong with me or because I'm going through a breakdown, but because I want to keep elevating who I am

• 8:03Lewis Howes?

  and being prepared for pressure. Because the more stages that we're on, the more followers we gain, the more content we put out there. I think I was hearing Bobby talking about how she reads the comments and it's like it still affects her. There's pressure at every single level of life. And being prepared for new levels of pressure, new levels of emotional weight, new levels of potential trauma that could come our way. I have a coach every month that I work with to help me regulate my nervous system, to keep me in alignment with the most integrity that I can be, even though I'm flawed and I'm out of integrity from time. But just staying on that track.

• 8:47Lewis Howes?

  And I think by doing that, it gives me more peace. It makes me feel more calm with pressure.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  And I don't want to seem like I'm glazing over the abuse, right? The reason I'm not getting into it is because he's spoken extensively about it. The first time I heard the story, I literally cried. So that is out there for you guys to see. But what came from it is such vulnerability. And I want to pull on one thing you just said. Because you said there's a difference between honesty and authenticity. And all we do is talk about social and brand and authenticity. But they're different. Help us understand why.

• 9:26Lewis Howes?

  I think authenticity, I didn't say authenticity because I know that's a word that's been thrown around in this community for the last decade. It's like authenticity is the word. But I think it's more honesty is the new level of what anyone in business or creators or content individuals should be thinking about. I think authenticity could be looking like, well, this is my personality. I show up with this authentic personality and I-

• 9:48Speaker 01

  A slice of it.

• 9:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's like your personality is your authenticity, I guess. But it's like, what are you hiding? What are you afraid of? What are you ashamed of? What are you insecure about? What are you proud of? Like be honest about all of it. And again, don't puke your vulnerability into the world every week because you get validation from it. I don't think that's authentic. I think it needs to be out of a place of service. And it needs to be saying, I'm doing this to serve one human being who listens, consumes, reads this thing that I want to share of my honesty. And the way you tell your stories through your content or your messaging, I think reveals who you are. Story is everything.

• 10:33Lewis Howes?

  And when you can be honest in your storytelling in a moment, it doesn't have to be this long, vulnerable message. It can be just a moment of honesty. I think that builds connection. And connection is what will move your mission forward.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  I want to talk a little bit.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  I want to talk a little bit about this giver mentality that you have. Because you talked about, from all the things in childhood, you wanted to be the biggest, the strongest, the most successful, so no one could hurt you. And you were driven by this. But at some point, there was an inflection point, where you started to be driven by giving and being of service versus the darkness. Do you remember what that point was, or what triggered it?

• 11:23Lewis Howes?

  I mean, yeah, I got in a fight on the basketball court here in Los Angeles.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  Like pickup basketball?

• 11:27Lewis Howes?

  And my best friend, who's in the audience, Matt, he was there and he said, "I don't want to be friends with you anymore if you're going to be like this."

• 11:35Speaker 01

  If we could all have friends like that?

• 11:36Lewis Howes?

  And it really shook me emotionally, because I was like, oh, this is a guy who's known me for, at that point, 10 years. And when he said that, I go, oh, something's off inside of me. If my best friend doesn't want to hang out with me, if I'm going to keep reacting in life this way, with anger. And so there was a wake-up call that made me say, let me look within and ask why I'm angry. I wasn't angry all the time, I'm a loving, joyful guy, but I re-reacted in moments where someone pushed my button. And we all have a button. And so when someone tapped in that part of my soul that was wounded, that hadn't healed, that was an open wound, that when someone pokes a wound, if you've got a wound in your leg and someone pokes it, it's going to hurt.

• 12:21Lewis Howes?

  But the psychological and emotional wounds that I had were deep. And we all probably have some type of psychological or emotional wound that is deep for us. For me, I didn't want anyone to know about it, and I didn't want to look at them. I didn't want to address them, but they just kept showing up in movies in my mind every single day from my history. And so that was a wake-up call where I really said, I've got to invest in the emotional healing journey. It's not going to heal overnight. And it's been an 11-year journey of evolution. And that's why I continue to get coaching, to get feedback on how I can continue to evolve in different situations in my life.

• 13:04Lewis Howes?

  And I share these moments where I might get triggered still, in different ways.

• 13:10Lewis Howes?

  And so that was the, the starting point of it. And when I started to invest in emotional healing, the journey of it,

• 13:18Lewis Howes?

  everything took off. My business took off, my, you know, content took off. Opportunities started to come to me. And again, there's been different ups and downs and breakdowns in my life in the last 10 years, but it really abundance started to flow when I started to heal the psychological and emotional wounds. And instead of saying, how do I become number one? How do I become the biggest, the best, the most well-known? I started to say, how do I be of highest service to humanity? And in business, it's challenging because you have to measure metrics and you need to make money and you need to make sure your team is in alignment with your mission and you need to, you know, you've got to still run a business.

• 14:02Lewis Howes?

  And you've got to manage egos and all that stuff. Um, but I made a decision from that point, when I launched my podcast, uh, just to show of hands, how many people have heard of the School of Greatness? Just so I'm aware of School of Greatness? Okay, cool. When I launched it, I made a conscious decision because some of my friends were like, just call it the Lewis Howes Show. And I go, that's what my ego wants, but that's not what, you know, my soul wants to serve. And if I really want to transform from the inside out, again, I'm not going to be perfect, but if I want to be in service, it can't just be me. So I've almost had a challenge in the last year because so many people on my team are like,

• 14:45Lewis Howes?

  Lewis, people want to hear more from you. You've put everyone, the spotlight on everyone in the show for the last 11 and a half years. It's the School of Greatness with Lewis Howes. It's not the Lewis Howes Show. Not saying that would it be bad to make it the Lewis Howes Show? I'm not saying that, but I knew in that moment, it needed to be bigger than me and it needed to not be about me so that I can continue to heal. And by making it about others, it elevated me and them, not just me. And I'm, when I focused out on saying, how can I get the most out of the person in front of me and serve them to serve a community?

• 15:26Lewis Howes?

  That's what supported it as well. So it's been an ongoing journey of releasing the ego. While at the same time, my team is like, Louis, you have to put more personal content out. So I've been in this game of social media and content for, I don't know, since 2007, 2008 on LinkedIn. And I, so I understand personal branding with the best of them, right? I understand it. But at the same time, my soul wants to serve by elevating others up. But now my team is like, if you want to serve at a greater level, you've got to put yourself out there. So I still get a little, I don't know if self-conscious the right way, but I don't want my ego to be the focus with me on camera.

• 16:10Lewis Howes?

  If that makes sense. So it's just a dance of like, making sure when I am doing personal content of me, how can I not make it about me but serve others?

• 16:19Speaker 01

  But Louis, the people who wonder if their ego is too big are never the people who have the big egos. Right?

• 16:26Lewis Howes?

  You've got to always be in check, though.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Hundred percent.

• 16:28Lewis Howes?

  The ego will creep up. The ego will constantly try to say, oh, that feels pretty good to be on that cover of that magazine. Oh, man, you've figured it out.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 16:39Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man, you just hit four million followers, like, huh, that's pretty cool. You've figured it out, like, that's pretty, you know, it's always going to creep in. This is why I have an emotional, psychological coach to keep me focused on a vision of service. And it doesn't mean you can't celebrate self for the accomplishments. I think it's knowing that, sure, take a moment, take a day to like, wow, what a great moment. You know, we've hit these milestones, we've got this opportunity, I'm on stage at VCon, cool. Like, all these things are cool, but don't always make it about the accomplishments, make it about the impact and the results of the community that you're engaging with.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  I want to circle back to this point because we talked backstage and you brought it up, about your identity and even your self-worth. Tied to achievement, right? And you just said right now, it's of service to the people. It's the impact, it's not the numbers. But we love the numbers, right? I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes when I look at a post and I'm like, oh my god, that got half the amount of engagement it used to. Isn't me, is it, right? We're, that's, it, as high performing humans, we're wired that way. But, you know, I got this dream job at Nike and I struggled. I was out in a year and a half. And when I left, like, my immigrant parents, I was born in Hong Kong, like, my whole self-worth was professional achievement. So I went to Harvard, then I went to Columbia, then I worked at all the right companies like Bain and Nike and Estee Lauder.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  And then when I had nothing to tell people, my world crashed. Right? Not just my identity, but my entire self-worth. I was like, what am I worth in this world? And as much as we say it doesn't matter, it kinda matters a little, right? So what tools would you recommend for helping people? We say it doesn't matter, we should divorce it. What can you do? Is it daily practice of gratitude, which I know you're big on? You do a lot of work every week or every month with your coach. But like, we tell people it's important to do, we don't give them steps to do that.

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, one of the hardest things when you're trying to build online is to, is to not need the validation of the followers, the comments. And I needed it for a long time.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  I still probably do, sometimes.

• 18:51Lewis Howes?

  And again, it goes back and forth from like, business metrics. And we have, you know, every week we have metric check-ins with our team. And so it's, one thing is getting feedback for the business growth. The other thing is not letting our ego get in the way if we aren't validated online the way we'd like to be. And I think, um, it's putting the focus back on the feedback of results for the business versus, am I getting the followers, the views, the engagement that I'm used to getting or whatever?

• 19:22Lewis Howes?

  For whatever reason, you know, when I started, I needed the validation of everyone. And in the last three years, I really only needed the validation of... You know, a couple of people, if that. I mean, it's really, at the end of the day, myself and my fiancee Martha that I need acceptance from, and God. The rest is wanting respect from my friends and making sure that we're in harmony and we have alignment as friends, you know, having alignment with my team and making sure there's harmony there. But I have pulled back my... I used to want to be friends with everyone, but in the last three years, I have very little friends.

• 20:04Lewis Howes?

  And it's because it just feels better to not seek external validation and know that as long as I'm living in service, I'm focused on my mission every single week, and I'm trying to give my best. Whenever I do an interview or create content, that's what I focus on. And again, going back to business metrics, the team has got to hit certain results. And I'm here to coach, and I'm here to support, and I'm here to give feedback and guide. And it's always going to evolve what results look like online. Every week, things are changing with algorithms. But algorithms can be one. They can be one if you learn the strategies. It's why we're here at Vicon, right?

• 20:49Lewis Howes?

  It's like, they can be one if you're willing to keep trying and testing. And so I'll never let someone say, "Oh, it's... We had a down month because it's not working anymore, and we're just gonna accept it." That doesn't work for me, because I know if you just put a little bit extra effort in and researching and testing new things, you will get better results. It may not happen right away. That's why we constantly look to test things. And they will always be different a month in the future, a year in the future. What works now isn't going to work in the future. And so it's not needing the validation of the audience growth, but also focusing on how we can innovate constantly to get results to serve the business vision and mission.

• 21:37Lewis Howes?

  And again, if it comes down to it, we want to serve 100 million lives every single week. In the last few weeks, we reached 50 million people weekly as one of our highest weeks in years. But I also have to remind myself that if I put out a piece of content, if I put out an interview, and if one per- I swear to you that I think this way.

• 22:03Lewis Howes?

  If it doesn't get a million views, it's gonna be like, okay. It's not the end of the world, right? Sure, it's great if everything gets a million views. But if it doesn't happen, my soul, I swear to God, my soul is still okay if one person is deeply impacted. And if they send me a message, or if they send our support team like, hey, this one video, this interview, help me get out of a toxic relationship. Help me heal my relationship with money. Help me have a deeper relationship with my mom, or my dad, or my partner. Whatever it is, help me quit smoking. It's worth it for me. It's worth it. And it's hard, I mean, it's hard, but it's worth it.

• 22:45Lewis Howes?

  And when I, when I launched my episode talking about, you know, sexual abuse 10 years ago, I remember thinking to myself, my business is over. I'm gonna have to find another way to make money. Everyone's gonna unfollow me. But if it helps heal one man, it's worth it to me. If my life made a difference to that man, it is worth it to me. And I, you know, I'm just, I don't know. I feel like I'm blessed to be in this position. I dreamed, as a kid, to be in this position that I'm in, to be able to help people. I dreamed of this moment. I was talking with my fiance Martha this morning. I dreamed of the house we have right now, growing up. Like, we have a sanctuary that we've worked so hard to build.

• 23:30Lewis Howes?

  My younger self, my inner child, is living his dream. And it really doesn't matter if we reach 100 million lives every single week. That's my goal, that's our mission. But if we can serve people daily and be of help, be useful, that's what I think matters.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  You know, we didn't talk about it, but that's the way I approach it too, right? I slogged in academia and the corporate world and you find purpose when you get that dopamine hit, when you feel like you've helped someone.

• 24:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Like, there's no better feeling in the world, and that's how you know you've found purpose, right?

• 24:12Lewis Howes?

  And we can get, you know, we can get easily distracted, um, going through the motions of creating content, or doing tasks in the business, or whatever it might be. That's why every Monday on our team calls, we really focus on community impact. We read, each individual reads a testimonial based on their platform of how they made a difference in someone's lives. And again, there's some days I'm probably a, a, a, as a boss, and I'm probably, could be better in a lot of ways. But if we focus on how can we impact lives, there's nothing else I'd rather do. Even if someone offered me all the money in the world to sell my business, I'd be like, what do I want to do?

• 24:54Lewis Howes?

  I just want to go help someone else in another way, and just like, serve, serve. How can I serve through my uniqueness, through my talents, through my gifts, through my skills that I'm developing? How can we serve at a greater level? I just think that's a meaningful life.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  I'm gonna ask you a question that I've been asked, and I am stumped for an answer, and I'm hoping you can help. You've talked a lot about men not being taught to deal with their emotions, talk about their feelings, to confront shame and guilt. And you even wrote a book on that, and you've inspired so many men to go on this EQ journey. What do you think now about this faction that think men have gotten too soft? They're not alpha enough, they're not big protectors. I mean, is this Goldilocks? It's too hot, too cold? Like, where is the middle? How do we actually help people get to the right barometer? Because if you just follow the noise on social, you would think that we're completely 180 now.

• 25:50Lewis Howes?

  It says we have 10 seconds. Are we allowed to go up?

• 25:53Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm, I'll get in trouble. They can yell at me. Please, because this is one that actually multiple men have asked, and I don't have an answer.

• 26:00Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man. This is where, should I be authentic or honest in this moment? I mean, honest.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  That's an honest.

• 26:07Lewis Howes?

  No?

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Honest, honest.

• 26:12Lewis Howes?

  I just...

• 26:18Lewis Howes?

  I just really think, as a man, I'll speak for myself. I really think as a man, I'm supposed to...

• 26:30Lewis Howes?

  I really think, I really think as a man, I'm supposed to become the best version of myself. And that means, um, being 100% courageous with my words, 100% courageous with my body and my health, and 100% courageous with my ability to make a difference in people's lives. And I'm gonna continue on with my honesty in this, but I wanna set the context. I just think a lot of men don't have a purpose. And I'm not saying what type of purpose you need, but I think men, a lot of men, don't have a clear vision for their lives. And they react to a lot of things. Those who don't have a purpose, they're reactive.

• 27:12Lewis Howes?

  And a man who is not willing to fully commit to being on a healthy journey, so they can be as mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically fit, um, is doing a disservice to their friends, their family, and their future self. And I think your future self will thank you when you have the courage to fully take on your life, physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and saying, "I'm here to protect and serve the inner child inside of me." First. And most men lack the courage to protect and serve the healing journey of their inner child. And when they do that,

• 27:57Lewis Howes?

  when they lack that ability, they wear a mask. They wear a mask to try to fit in, to try to hook up with as many women as they can, to try to make as much money so they can look good, whatever it might be. They try to deflect when they get feedback, as opposed to saying, "Thank you for the feedback. I'm gonna take a look at that and see if I can improve in some way." Not meaning all feedback is right or wrong, but how can I take a look at that and not take it personally, but elevate myself in becoming a better human on a consistent basis? And I think men... With a lack of purpose are dangerous men for themselves and for them around them

• 28:39Lewis Howes?

  because they're wandering, they're aimlessly wandering as opposed to this is my mission, whether it's right or wrong, at least I'm clear on my mission. And when a mission is focused on something besides you, even if it's your dream, even if it's like I have a gift or a talent that I want to go pursue something and accomplish something, that's fine if you also have, I want to do it in the service of inspiring or impacting others in that journey and process. And when it's just about me looking good, I think that's weakness. But when it's about me becoming the greatest version of me to serve and elevate humanity around me, I think that's greatness.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  You said "ask you anything," so I went with a hard one. Okay, we are out of time. I'm getting in trouble even though we would all love to sit here and pick your brain for 10 hours because we don't often get you in the hot seat. But I'm just going to ask you one last question and you get one sentence as a response. Fast forward to the end of your life, you've achieved everything you want. You and Martha have an incredible life, incredible family, you're reaching a billion people a week. What do you want to be most remembered for?

• 29:50Lewis Howes?

  That I cared deeply, that I had a big heart, and that when people around me, they felt loved.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Ladies and gentlemen, Lewis Howes.

• 30:05Lewis Howes?

  So we just had a fun conversation on stage and I wanted to answer some more questions that came from this talk. So this is a little "ask me anything," got a few questions that came from some of the audience that I wanted to expand upon from this conversation at VCon. And I just thought it was a beautiful interview on stage and I'm just so grateful for that opportunity that I got to experience. Make sure to check out more of what Gary Ranichuk is doing as well. And he's doing some amazing things. But this is a question that came in after this. Because I talked about honesty versus authenticity. For many years, the last decade, we've heard the word authenticity thrown around a lot. And I think it's important to be authentic.

• 30:48Lewis Howes?

  But someone asked me, could you go a little bit deeper between honesty and authenticity? How can being honest about things we're not proud of or even ashamed of? Help our business or our personal brand? And I'll give you a very intimate example of this. A little over 10 years ago, I opened up on my podcast and on my platform about my experience of dealing with sexual abuse as a five-year-old. And how that kind of shaped me and scarred me and hurt me and really made me driven to achieve and to try to prove people wrong. And also driven to be great in sports. So that I could protect myself again from anyone trying to harm me in the future.

• 31:31Lewis Howes?

  And I thought that my business and my life and my career was over if I was going to share this. But I also felt called. I felt like I was being dishonest if I wasn't opening up about it. Seeing that I did have a platform. And I don't recommend everyone share their biggest pain or shame or traumas publicly. I don't think it's for everyone to do that. But I felt like after time of doing my own healing work and my own journey of healing and speaking with people one by one and a professional therapist and then family and then friends. I felt more of a call of like a duty or responsibility

• 32:12Lewis Howes?

  to really speak up about it and to share about it on my platform. And I just kind of kept hearing this voice like if you can help one man overcome the pain, the shame, the trauma that they've experienced. If you can help one human start to heal, then it's worth it. Now, who knows? Maybe it wouldn't have been worth it if I would have been, you know, broken on the streets and my business would have crumbled. But my business by being more than authentic, because authentic is really about expressing your personality and being yourself. But being honest is really kind of being willing to share and reveal things about you that. In my mind, I used to think if people actually knew this about me, no one would like me.

• 32:57Lewis Howes?

  No one would love me, no one would accept me, no one would follow me, no one would buy from me. And I can never share these things. If I have that fear, if it consumes me that, ah, if anyone knew this about me, no one would ever accept me. That thing in definition has power over me. It is controlling me, it's consuming me, it's holding me back from being more than authentic, but being honest. And I think honesty is another level of authenticity. It's it's revealing the layers where the personality, you can be your playful self, you can do your bag of tricks and express your personality and use all your talents and and things that are your personality, that's authentic.

• 33:41Lewis Howes?

  But I think honesty is is diving into a different level of

• 33:47Lewis Howes?

  opening up and just expressing yourself in a deeper level. So for me,

• 33:53Lewis Howes?

  you know, how can being honest about things we're not proud of or even ashamed of help our business or our personal brand? Again, I don't think we should share every trauma or every traumatic thing or everything we're ashamed of. I don't think that's something that you need to do. But I think there are some things, if you keep hearing a voice, if you keep hearing like a pull or calling like huh, maybe there's an opportunity for for me to be more real or honest around this thing.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  And by actually doing so, I can actually serve more people, actually actually help more people and connect deeper to an audience that could ultimately support my personal brand. Now, I think if you're doing it as a gimmick to say, hey, I'm gonna open up about this and be honest about stuff from my past and it's gonna help me grow my personal brand, that's not that's not being authentic. That is being gimmicky or that is being a strategic and saying, let me share certain things that, you know, are trying to pull at people in a certain way to build audience. I thought the opposite. I was like, if I share this. Things are done for me. I'm done, but I felt like it was more important to do it and lose

• 35:03Lewis Howes?

  everything and hopefully help a few people than to be inauthentic and therefore dishonest and not open up about these things. Again, you don't have to do these things. I felt the pull and in return, I think because I was willing to do it, not because I wanted to grow an audience, but because I wanted to serve people and I wanted to help other men who had been struggling with this. Things started to really grow in a big way after that and I started to feel more comfortable within my skin. No, I wasn't perfect overnight. I still struggled with things, but year after year, I felt like I was able to step more into who I am, turning honesty into true authenticity.

• 35:47Lewis Howes?

  And I think we can merge those two, powerful things can happen for your brand. Another question that came in from you all is, do you have any tips for building genuine connection with an audience? There was, I used to be really afraid to speaking in public. I used to be afraid to be on stages, whether it be 10 people in a room, me standing up in front of a group of people, it was terrifying, or me in front of 100 or thousands of people, it was terrifying. And I would get nervous for weeks before, knowing that I had to present. It would just cripple me and it really terrified me. I went to Toastmasters every week for a year in Columbus, Ohio. Shout out Columbus, Ohio

• 36:30Lewis Howes?

  Toastmasters. And there were some credible leaders, men and women in those rooms, that I was able to, to watch them present effectively, different styles. And then I was able to get up there weekly and practice a three to five minute speech and get feedback from all the members of the group. And they really lifted me up in a big way. They welcomed me in. I was 23 or 24 years old. I was one of the youngest people in the group. Everyone was 10, 15, 20 years older, who were leaders of companies in Columbus, Ohio that were sharpening their skills. And I went in there and I was just horrible. I was really bad. And I was nervous and I was... Just very uncomfortable because I didn't have the skill of connection with an audience,

• 37:15Lewis Howes?

  whether it be a small group or a bigger group. So you need to train yourself to develop the skill. You need to be in front of people and I recommend finding a format or a platform, like Toastmasters, where you can go weekly or even once a month and practice the skill. That is step one. Overcoming the fear by putting yourself in the situation and practicing and developing the skill of communication to an audience. Unless you have that naturally because you did that in school and you were always, it was always easy for you to stand in front of a room of your peers and you just have that skill already. I didn't have that skill. I was terrified, so I needed to learn how to develop that skill. I did that every week for a year.

• 37:58Lewis Howes?

  And I remember I started actually, after that year, I actually started getting paid, you know, five hundred dollars for a speech and local workshops. I started putting on my own workshops. I started getting speaking gigs at bigger events. I started making thousands of dollars, right, within a couple of years after that. And I wouldn't have been able to earn that type of money had I not gone all in on the fear to develop the talent of practicing every single week and really trying to master that craft. And I still haven't mastered the art of like being in front of a crowd. There's different levels of execution of connection, but I got to a pretty comfortable place where I could bring a crowd together and communicate a message and enroll people in a vision. But I remember this one thing that really helped me.

• 38:43Lewis Howes?

  After years of doing this, I still felt nervous in front of an audience. I still felt anxious before a big event. And there were two things that I got from friends and mentors who coached me up on this. One was from a... A leader and a professional who had a bunch of big New York Times bestselling books, who spoke in front of fifteen, twenty thousand people at massive conventions. And he is a leader in an industry that I remember asking him a question. I go, what happens if you're at an event, fifteen thousand people, and you get nervous? What do you do? Or like, what if you're forgetting something you want to say?

• 39:26Lewis Howes?

  Like, how do you make sure you stay on top of your game and really captivate an audience still? And he told me something great, which I, which I still hold on to today. He said, if I ever get like I'm thrown off, or I'm not sure, or I forget something, or I'm feeling nervous or scared, I focus on someone in the first few rows. And I literally just look at one person and I speak as if they're the only one in the room. And I speak to them, what they're going through, what I think they might be experiencing. I, I judge their, you know, appearance and kind of their age. And I, I read their energy and I just try to speak to that one person. I'll only look at that one person. And I might be there for a minute or two and I'll speak to them and really try to captivate them.

• 40:09Lewis Howes?

  And by doing so, it's almost like I speak to the entire fifteen thousand people at the same time, when I'm able to connect to one person. So if you ever feel nervous or insecure or something's off, bring it to one person and just see if you can be with that person, really connect with them, look them in the eyes, be present with them. And think about, how can I show up for this one individual? Not, how do I make sure the entire room is connected to me, but connect to one? That was a great piece of advice I got that I've used. And another one was from a coach and friend of mine. It was about an hour before a big gig that I had, I had a big event. This is, I don't know, six or seven years ago. I think there was about ten thousand people in the audience.

• 40:54Lewis Howes?

  It was one of my biggest events at that time. I remember saying, gosh, I've been like at this point, eight to 10 years, I've been speaking on stages. I've made a lot of money speaking at events and I was feeling nervous and insecure and I was like, and I called him about an hour before and go, why am I still feeling nervous? Shouldn't I feel more confident? Shouldn't I feel like this is easy for me now? And he said something that I'll never forget. He said, you know, you're making this about you. You're focused too much on how you look, how you're gonna try to make people laugh, trying to memorize certain things that are gonna make you look good. And you're focused on being perfect. You need to throw that out the window.

• 41:35Lewis Howes?

  You're, you may make a mistake. You may forget that joke. You may stutter and stumble on stage from time to time. And you need to accept that. You need to own it. Know that that's probably going to happen. You're not gonna be the best speaker in the world. But if you can make it not about me, but about service, how can I just show up with my energy to give my best to serve this audience? Knowing that I'm not gonna look perfect, knowing that I'm gonna make a mistake, knowing that it's not gonna be 100% what I want it to be and knowing that I could always make it better. How can I show up to serve this audience in this 30-minute, 60-minute window? How can I just add as much value?

• 42:19Lewis Howes?

  And when you focus on the audience rather than looking good, then you're gonna win. You're gonna win because you're making it about other people and not about yourself. And I thought that was a great piece of advice. So those two things when you're thinking about building a genuine connection with an audience. Another one that I, a question I got coming through says, you spoke about emotional and psychological wounds. What are some warning signs that one is getting activated that needs healing? I think anything like feeling heart palpitations, feeling stressed, feeling anxious, feeling headaches, anything in your body where you feel like, man, I'm feeling something's off in life.

• 43:01Lewis Howes?

  And it might be a response to an uncomfortable conversation or feeling stressed at work or maybe a relationship has crossed a boundary that you haven't communicated yet. Any of those type of physical reactions that you feel in your body. Something doesn't feel peaceful. Something doesn't feel calm. There may be something there. I'm not saying there's always something there, but you you might have something there. Your body is responding physically. It's reacting to a response, a stimulus in the world, in your environment, in your conversations. And when you can first notice those responses within you, then you can say, why am I feeling anxious? Why am I feeling stressed? Why am I feeling overwhelmed? Is there something to look at that I can work on and start to heal?

• 43:46Lewis Howes?

  Are there memories from the past that are causing me to feel reactive and stressed and overwhelmed in this relationship, in this career that I'm in, in this social dynamic? And when you can take a look at those things and start to heal that journey and go on that healing journey, I think you can start to respond to things differently. And again, you're always going to experience some type of stress in life, but do you need to hold on to that stress for so long? When you feel anxious, can you feel it for a shorter window of time and get back to a place of peace and calm and harmony? And I think that's the real goal, is to figure out where these triggers are coming from,

• 44:28Lewis Howes?

  start the healing journey and create skills and tools to support you in being responsive with peace and calm in situations versus reactive and overwhelmed. And I've done a lot of work over the years in many different types of therapies. And I think you can go down the path of figuring out which therapies or therapeutic experiences could be best for you in that healing journey. And I think there's a few more questions here, but I think that will wrap up today's conversation. I hope you enjoyed this interview that I had on stage. I really enjoyed being able to be authentic and honest at the same time. I hope there was some value in there and some of the conversations we talked about.

• 45:09Lewis Howes?

  And I hope these additional questions that came in support you in your journey as well. If you have other questions for me, if you want me to do more solo conversations where I'm answering questions from you directly, feel free to email us at [email protected] or you can tag me on Instagram or social media. Again, make sure to subscribe over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify on YouTube and stay up to date on the latest and greatest from the School of Greatness podcast. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience,

• 45:54Lewis Howes?

  make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.