Pretty Little Episode #56

Fortune and Mae give some pretty great advice about imposter syndrome, long-distance friendships, and driving test quips on another Pretty Little Episode! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit your questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Fortune Feimster?

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to a pretty little episode of the Handsome Pod. I'm one of your hosts, Mae Martin.

• 1:56Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm your other one of your hosts, Fortune Feimster. How you doing?

• 2:02Mae Martin?

  I'm doing great.

• 2:03Fortune Feimster?

  You look great.

• 2:04Mae Martin?

  Thanks, pal.

• 2:06Fortune Feimster?

  You're home from, um...

• 2:09Fortune Feimster?

  Your adventure.

• 2:10Mae Martin?

  I'm.

• 2:11Fortune Feimster?

  I think you're home early.

• 2:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm, I'm not, I'm gonna go, I think I'll go back. I just, I, I arrived seven minutes ago and like raced in and found my podcasting gear and I feel, I gotta say, it feels good to be back around all my objects and my things.

• 2:27Fortune Feimster?

  That means you love your house.

• 2:29Mae Martin?

  I do love my house. Yeah.

• 2:31Fortune Feimster?

  That's a, that's a nice feeling when you have a homey situation.

• 2:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but I loved it up there, too.

• 2:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 2:37Mae Martin?

  Are you, are you having any time for yourself these days?

• 2:40Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 2:41Mae Martin?

  Sweet fortune. No, never, never.

• 2:43Fortune Feimster?

  Never. Um, I'm having a little time for myself here and there.

• 2:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:49Fortune Feimster?

  Where I've been going back to North Carolina quite a bit. Technically, it's, you know, for my mom. Um, but I'm technically not working, except for like our pod and my radio show on there. But it's been nice to like, spend a lot of time with my family and with my mom and then just being in my hometown is really cute.

• 3:13Mae Martin?

  Very grounding.

• 3:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but I'm about to get crazy busy again.

• 3:19Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 3:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I'm doing a new TV show, uh, and this one's with Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon.

• 3:26Mae Martin?

  Two of the greats.

• 3:27Fortune Feimster?

  So the fifteen, sixteen, seventeen year old me, I mean, I'm dying right now because I love them both, but they were, I told Will, I was like, y'all are like my SNL cast when I was in high school. Like,

• 3:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:41Fortune Feimster?

  I'm like, I, I did your bits.

• 3:44Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 3:44Fortune Feimster?

  For my tennis team and my friends.

• 3:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:48Fortune Feimster?

  And he's like, I'm gonna garnish your wages for the first episode to pay me back for all those bits. I go, do it.

• 3:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:55Fortune Feimster?

  I think I'm gonna also get in better shape because. I play a caddy. Uh, it's a golf show.

• 4:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:04Fortune Feimster?

  And I will be carrying around, there's no way around it. I'm gonna be carrying a real golf bag with golf clubs.

• 4:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they're not gonna make like foam golf clubs. Yeah.

• 4:15Fortune Feimster?

  I'm going to be sore as a motherfucker.

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  You're gonna be a caddy, like you're actually gonna be a caddy for months.

• 4:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, cuz there's no golf, this isn't, it's, it's no golf cart situation. It is walking golf courses. I will be having to lather up in sunscreen.

• 4:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Fortune Feimster?

  And my arm, my arm strength is gonna be mighty.

• 4:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm excited about that. It would be fun. Imagine getting a part where you have to really specifically train to do something like, you know that clip of, um, is it Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman? And she just takes her whip and she with like amazing precision whips the heads off all these mannequins.

• 4:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that was cool.

• 4:55Mae Martin?

  To have a reason to learn the whip, that'd be great.

• 4:58Fortune Feimster?

  That would be great. Mine's just gonna be to carry a bag.

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, right.

• 5:01Fortune Feimster?

  They're not the best skill, but a skill.

• 5:04Mae Martin?

  It's, if anything, it's more practical than a whip.

• 5:06Fortune Feimster?

  I wonder if I'll learn to play golf in the process.

• 5:09Mae Martin?

  Do caddies play?

• 5:10Fortune Feimster?

  Caddies are like crazy knowledgeable. They're the ones that are telling the golfers. They're like a coach.

• 5:15Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 5:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they're the ones that are like, you need to use this club. They're giving them advice. They're like very well versed in golf.

• 5:23Mae Martin?

  I didn't know that.

• 5:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it was, yeah, it's not just a, I mean, at least at the pro level. It's not just like a kid being like, here's your golf club, sir.

• 5:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's not like the ball boys at tennis games.

• 5:35Fortune Feimster?

  No, these guys can make like, they make like a percentage, I think, of your payday. So if you win like, say, some big ass prize, they could get like a million bucks or something.

• 5:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 5:47Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:47Mae Martin?

  They get a percentage of your prize?

• 5:49Fortune Feimster?

  At the high level, yeah.

• 5:51Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 5:51Fortune Feimster?

  Cuz these guys are like. In in demand golf pros like connoisseurs.

• 5:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:59Fortune Feimster?

  And your caddy can like make or break your entire game.

• 6:02Mae Martin?

  When I was like 13, I saw The Legend of Bagger Vance in movie theaters with my friend Nicole. And we were, I mean, totally sober, hadn't discovered weed at that point. And I got this hysteria laughing every time they said the words Bagger Vance.

• 6:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 6:17Mae Martin?

  Just the idea of The Legend of Bagger Vance just was crack. I couldn't, I was crying and then we got told off by other people in the movie theater to be quiet. And that really like cemented our friendship. And then I, she passed me her Coke and it dropped, but it was in one of those movie theater things with the lid on it and it didn't spill. And then the fact that it hadn't spilled, I don't know, to us was just like the funniest thing. I, I don't know. You know, when you're that age and you're just like.

• 6:44Fortune Feimster?

  You're just so simpatico with someone and you can't stop giggling about everything.

• 6:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, everything that happens, you just immediately lock eyes and cry laugh.

• 6:52Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 6:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:54Fortune Feimster?

  Love that. Your show is coming out soon, right?

• 6:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I'll see, I'll see Nicole, actually, because she was my friend who got sent to one of these troubled teen institutes. So she was a consultant on the show.

• 7:05Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 7:06Mae Martin?

  And she'll come to the premiere and stuff, yeah.

• 7:08Fortune Feimster?

  And when does that come out?

• 7:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, the premiere is September 9th and then it comes out September 25th.

• 7:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 7:15Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 7:16Fortune Feimster?

  It's crazy.

• 7:17Mae Martin?

  I kind of think what I'm gonna wear to all these events.

• 7:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. Something snazzy.

• 7:22Mae Martin?

  You know, I'm in my tank top era.

• 7:24Fortune Feimster?

  We're gonna wear a tank to the premiere?

• 7:26Mae Martin?

  I gotta find a way to dress up a tank. I think I'll just wear a suit with a tank under it.

• 7:32Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you of all people could pull it off.

• 7:34Mae Martin?

  Thanks, thanks, man.

• 7:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I actually could watch it right now if I wanted to. It is in, uh, because I work for Netflix, um, on the radio show. I have all this preview content in my Netflix.

• 7:49Mae Martin?

  And they gave you my show?

• 7:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's in there.

• 7:52Mae Martin?

  What are you talking about? That's crazy to me. That's so vulnerable because no one's seen it yet.

• 7:58Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I haven't watched it yet, but, um, I will.

• 8:01Mae Martin?

  Don't.

• 8:02Fortune Feimster?

  I'm going to, I'm gonna watch, the only thing I watch, all of Feel Good.

• 8:05Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 8:06Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 8:07Mae Martin?

  What if you watch it and you notice that I've like stolen lots of things you said from the pod and it's all in the dialogue?

• 8:13Fortune Feimster?

  I, I wouldn't remember.

• 8:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 8:15Fortune Feimster?

  I don't remember half the stuff I said.

• 8:19Mae Martin?

  The best was when Thomas was like, hey, people seem to really like that character Amelia that you did. And you're like, sorry?

• 8:25Fortune Feimster?

  I'm like, what character? Wait, what? What did I do? I gotta go back and listen to that because I'm still fuzzy on what I did.

• 8:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:33Fortune Feimster?

  But apparently it was a big hit.

• 8:35Mae Martin?

  Big hit.

• 8:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yay, me.

• 8:37Mae Martin?

  Yay. That's probably what, why Will Ferrell saw it and he saw Amelia, the character.

• 8:43Fortune Feimster?

  He was like, get this girl in my show now.

• 8:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, some of my, sometimes they put stuff in my previews like a week before. Sometimes it's a couple of days before, but yeah, this one is a month before.

• 8:58Mae Martin?

  That's crazy.

• 8:59Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm. So.

• 9:01Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 9:01Fortune Feimster?

  I have, I hold so much power.

• 9:03Mae Martin?

  You do. It's really scary.

• 9:06Fortune Feimster?

  But no one can go on my Netflix and just watch it. You click on it and they text you a code.

• 9:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. Cause it's on my Netflix right now. So I've been trying to resist just putting it on. But it's so thrilling to see the like, the Netflix logo and then the, yeah.

• 9:22Fortune Feimster?

  I bet. Well, it's a, it's hard to get any show made and this is now your second.

• 9:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm pumped. And my dad's in it. He plays a puppet maker in one scene. He doesn't have a line, but he is featured in one episode pretty, you know, he's on screen for a good 20 seconds.

• 9:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love that.

• 9:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, with his puppets. And um, so he's coming to the premiere and he was like, sh- sh- shall I bring a puppet to the premiere? Perhaps on the red carpet, I could bring my puppet Zoltar?

• 9:51Fortune Feimster?

  What did you say?

• 9:53Mae Martin?

  I, I was all for it. No, I'm into it. I'm like, I want a spin off show about the puppet man.

• 9:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God. So funny. Well, look at you getting dad in there.

• 10:03Mae Martin?

  Got to.

• 10:04Fortune Feimster?

  He's a star.

• 10:06Mae Martin?

  You brought your mom on, on Kimmel when you were hosting. So you got, you gotta do it. What's the point otherwise?

• 10:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Yeah, we gotta give our people some fun adventures.

• 10:15Mae Martin?

  Totally.

• 10:16Fortune Feimster?

  We can't be the only ones doing this crazy Hollywood stuff.

• 10:20Mae Martin?

  It's more fun when there's someone you know and love around you as well. You can, yeah. I'm excited today because apparently after our like impassioned plea for people to ask advice questions, a lot of people have sent in advice questions.

• 10:35Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. So today's questions are all going to be advice.

• 10:38Mae Martin?

  What do you think they're gonna be?

• 10:40Fortune Feimster?

  Ooh, I don't know, but I feel well equipped to handle. Ninety percent of these.

• 10:46Mae Martin?

  Do you? What would be out of your remit? Like, I guess if it was a really-

• 10:49Fortune Feimster?

  Suckin' D's.

• 10:52Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I don't know how to do that, y'all.

• 10:58Fortune Feimster?

  So ladies, if you're asking, I'm not answering because I don't know.

• 11:03Mae Martin?

  If people have sent in questions about how do I best S A D, I'd be shocked, but-

• 11:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you'd have to take that one, bud. Not me. I'd be like, uh, I, I, I've said it before. I touched one wiener and I, I grabbed it like a hot clarinet. Just like this, just ah, ah, ah. I don't want to grab it for too long, you know?

• 11:26Mae Martin?

  I bet that that is someone's specific kink, though. There's some man out there that's like, I don't know how to ask my girlfriend to touch my dick like a hot clarinet.

• 11:35Fortune Feimster?

  And they, they look at me and I go, sorry.

• 11:38Mae Martin?

  Sorry, boys.

• 11:39Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry. You can think it and dream it, but it's never gonna happen.

• 11:43Mae Martin?

  I want that, I want you to play the caddy like that.

• 11:46Fortune Feimster?

  Never gonna fucking happen because I'm gay as a F'er.

• 11:54Mae Martin?

  Well, on that note, should we get to one of the questions?

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Hey there, Tig, May and Fortune. It is Annalise from Vermont. Huge handsome listener, obviously, like many of us, but you three really brighten my day every time I listen to you. And this is why I'm asking for some advice right now. I am wondering how you get out of imposter syndrome? I'm assuming maybe the three of you have felt that in times of your careers. And yeah, I feel like I'm in a pivoting point in my career and I'm looking to change things up, get my own business going. And imposter syndrome has been really keeping me.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  I don't know, stagnant. So what the hell do I do with that? I love your advice. Thank you so much. And I have no answer because yeah, looking for advice on this one. Thank you. So much love to you.

• 12:53Fortune Feimster?

  And Elise from Vermont.

• 12:55Mae Martin?

  Great question. And imposter syndrome, it's pretty much just feeling like at any minute, someone's gonna figure out that you don't know what you're doing, right?

• 13:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:05Mae Martin?

  Like everyone else knows how to do things and you're just freestyling and yeah.

• 13:10Fortune Feimster?

  That you're not qualified to be there. That somehow you got tapped too early.

• 13:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah. A thing that was a turning point for me was like, living with a child and being even, even temporarily in a semi-parental role, like a caregiver role.

• 13:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:26Mae Martin?

  Cause I was like, oh my God, I'm a child myself. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. And then you kind of realize all parents are, are, are do- Like there's-

• 13:35Fortune Feimster?

  Just figuring it out.

• 13:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like you don't suddenly become an adult and we're all teenagers pretending like this performance of maturity.

• 13:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:44Mae Martin?

  And, uh, and so maybe, yeah, just realizing that everyone has the same feeling. What, have you had it?

• 13:50Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I don't have it often, but I've had it. Cause you know, you're always feel a little out of your league in certain things.

• 13:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:57Fortune Feimster?

  I think I, I think I had it the first, um, maybe half of my first season that I did the Mindy Project.

• 14:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:05Fortune Feimster?

  Um, because it was my first series regular role. I had only, I had done Chelsea lately, but it was just like sketches and stuff like that. And I had done a couple of pilots, but this was my first like, oh, you're like on the show.

• 14:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:19Fortune Feimster?

  Acting, there's no one, you know, th- this isn't the time to ask questions.

• 14:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:24Fortune Feimster?

  These are professionals, high level writing. Um, and it was my first, yeah, like big acting gig. So I kinda just had to like- You know, luckily I knew like the basics.

• 14:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:38Fortune Feimster?

  But I just had to kind of watch to be like, you know, um, you know, figuring out the lingo and stuff on set and what to do, you know, when you mess up a take or.

• 14:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I just, I just was kind of quiet and just observing for a long time. And then, and then got the hang of it, probably maybe six episodes in. Um, but yeah, for, for that early part, I was just like, I don't know what I'm doing here.

• 15:08Mae Martin?

  I want to go watch those first six episodes and look and see the fear in your eyes. Like just a slight like look to the side.

• 15:14Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sure I looked down the barrel of the camera a couple of times.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, for sure.

• 15:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So like, that's why now if I have any, anyone that I know, like doing their first big acting gig, I'll call them up and be like, okay, here's what this means.

• 15:32Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 15:33Fortune Feimster?

  This is like this, and this is like you hit your mark and do this, and this is the lighting, and this is what will happen here. Just because, you know, that no one teaches you that stuff in a acting class.

• 15:44Mae Martin?

  I think there's, it's like a balance where A, you have to be confident enough to ask questions and maybe find like your, your anchor, like find a person who you can confide in early and say, hey, listen, I don't really know what I'm doing, but like, yeah, so that, but then also my tendency is to say to everyone, I don't know what I'm doing. And, and then that has a bad effect.

• 16:06Fortune Feimster?

  I wouldn't do that.

• 16:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:07Fortune Feimster?

  I wouldn't do that.

• 16:08Mae Martin?

  I, I get this like low status, like even show running on set, I'm like, I don't know. It's like, I don't really feel that. It's like a defense mechanism, but yeah, maybe not making it your comedic angle that you're like a newbie, but finding one person that you trust that you can be like.

• 16:25Fortune Feimster?

  I think it is a fake it till you make it kind of thing you have to do without overcompensating.

• 16:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:31Fortune Feimster?

  Where you're like, oh, I know everything. Don't do that. But be like open to like suggestions because you know that you don't, instead of being like, I don't know. If someone's, you know, got an idea, be like, oh yeah, that's great. You know, just being kind of open to uh, other people's leading the way and you're just kind of following and observing, but also being, you know, a participant to the extent that you can. And probably you're more qualified to be there than you think.

• 17:00Mae Martin?

  Of course.

• 17:00Fortune Feimster?

  Some of this is just mental and doubting yourself.

• 17:05Fortune Feimster?

  And I would say have confidence in yourself.

• 17:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, somebody hired you some or yeah, yeah, 100%. I think I wonder if it's different if you're like a surgeon, you can't really fake it till you make it.

• 17:18Fortune Feimster?

  That one, no, because it requires tons of training to get to a human.

• 17:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:23Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but yeah, in other scenarios that's that aren't life or death, you can fake it till you make it and just believe, just believe in yourself.

• 17:31Mae Martin?

  I like what you're saying about like immerse yourself in the experience, like really be social, talk to people, don't just be on your phone, you know, or, or eat your lunch alone because you're nervous, like, yeah, get amongst it and then you'll feel.

• 17:44Fortune Feimster?

  See how other people are doing it that you think are doing a good job, kind of emulate them.

• 17:49Mae Martin?

  Do you think, did Annalise give her answer or because it's advice?

• 17:52Fortune Feimster?

  She did not. She just wanted that advice and I think we gave her pretty solid advice. Annalise, you got this.

• 17:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you got this.

• 17:58Fortune Feimster?

  You go rocket in Vermont and show them what's up.

• 18:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:05Mae Martin?

  The newspaper headline tomorrow is a woman pretending to be surgeon causes mayhem in local hospital in Vermont.

• 18:13Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. All right. Who's next? Thomas?

• 18:16Speaker 04

  Hey, Fortune Tig in May. My name's Ash, pronouns they/them. I was just listening to your recent Pretty Little Episode where you were saying, no one's asking you for advice. So I find myself in the current situation of having lots of long distance friendships after moving states. And assuming, you know, all of you travel around quite a bit and hopefully you have friends. What do you do to maintain long distance friendships? What have you found most helpful? Thanks.

• 18:51Mae Martin?

  Great question.

• 18:52Fortune Feimster?

  Ash, that definitely happens, especially the older you get.

• 18:56Mae Martin?

  Yes, and living in, like, I've lived in three different time zones and so I have groups of friends that I, but I like, like what you did recently, going to Iceland with an old friend. It's like the friendships you want to invest in carve out serious one-on-one time with those people. It's so rare that you have a solid like four days with someone, but then that could, that's more than like. You know, a year of coffees with someone that lives around the corner like, yeah, that's sort of what I do. Like going up to this cottage and I had like Lisa Gilroy came up for a couple of days and it's like so rare that you got a couple of days with someone and then you're, you fill up your cup.

• 19:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I've got a lot of long distance friendships just from moving here from North Carolina and people in college going to different states to live. One of my, the friend I went to Nashville with, I mean Iceland with, she moved to Nashville a few years ago. Um, and that was so jarring because we, we've been best friends for many years now and just, you know, you get kind of spoiled that you know that your friend's just like 15 minutes away, that you kind of take it for granted. And then when they leave, you're like, oh, I should have done more with my friend. Um, but it's, it's nice when it's a friend that allows you some grace.

• 20:14Fortune Feimster?

  Because everyone's busy. If it's a friend who's like always making you feel guilty for like not keeping in touch, that friendship's not going to go far.

• 20:25Mae Martin?

  Totally.

• 20:25Fortune Feimster?

  Because everyone's busy and everyone's got a life. My friend's a mom and she works. If I were to be like, I never hear from you. What are you doing? You don't care about me anymore? And she'd be like, what? Like maybe you get one of those.

• 20:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:40Fortune Feimster?

  But you know, you gotta just be okay with not talking for a bit and then like having the best time catching up at some point.

• 20:46Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 20:47Fortune Feimster?

  So giving you the grace for sure.

• 20:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah. The worst is like a newer friendship where then they very quickly are like, hey, I'm feeling kind of bummed that we haven't seen each other in a few weeks. And I'm like, oh no, this is, this has got no future. Cause like,

• 21:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah. We're all a capacity.

• 21:04Fortune Feimster?

  I've had a couple of people like that where you're like, oh, this could be a cool friend. And then guilt trip like week three and you're like, oh, no, thank you.

• 21:12Mae Martin?

  A hundred percent.

• 21:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So, um, so that's a big one. But you know, checking in once in a while, texting, like it's so easy to be like, thinking of you or hope things are good or, you know, making a, a point to call on the phone, even if it's like once a month.

• 21:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:30Fortune Feimster?

  The thing is you're never gonna. Keep in touch with them to the extent you would if you were in the same city. But there are plenty of ways to like, keep the connection.

• 21:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and, and definitely, I think if there's a handful of people you really wanna invest in, then planning little trips or going to visit them, then you get that concentrated amount of time, even if it's just one night, like, yeah.

• 21:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, when I go on tour, I will try to see different friends and cities, like, having a dinner.

• 21:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:57Fortune Feimster?

  I know I won't see them for like, another year. We'll check in here or there, and that's, that's okay.

• 22:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:03Fortune Feimster?

  But the friends are fun. You should, they should not be, uh, in just one zip code.

• 22:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you heard it here.

• 22:10Fortune Feimster?

  There you, there you go.

• 22:12Mae Martin?

  Thanks, Ash. Should we squeeze one more?

• 22:14Fortune Feimster?

  Let's squeeze that in.

• 22:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's what she said.

• 22:19Speaker 05

  Hi handsome, um, my name is Emma. Um, similar to May, I'm an adult without a driver's license, and I've actually recently failed my driving test two different times.

• 22:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, no.

• 22:29Speaker 05

  And I think it's partly because the tension with the test examiner is like, really getting to me.

• 22:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:34Speaker 05

  And so I'm looking for your advice on the best thing to say when the test examiner gets in the car, um, the next time I try to take the test again, to kind of break that tension. Um, love the podcast. Hope you can help me out. Thanks, guys.

• 22:48Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe put on our podcast in the car.

• 22:50Mae Martin?

  Blast a podcast.

• 22:52Fortune Feimster?

  Blast them singing. Ha, handsome. Chat with friends on the handsome pod.

• 22:59Mae Martin?

  But also, so this is gonna be the same examiner, like, could you not go to a different?

• 23:04Fortune Feimster?

  I think it's, I think there needs to be another one.

• 23:07Mae Martin?

  I think so. I think you're stuck in a rut with this person.

• 23:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I think they've got bad energy.

• 23:12Mae Martin?

  It's their fault.

• 23:13Fortune Feimster?

  It is their fault. You haven't done anything wrong, Emma.

• 23:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, if, if we were testing you, you'd be passing every time.

• 23:20Fortune Feimster?

  I, I mean, first off, I would maybe practice a little bit before taking that test, so you feel more comfortable, right?

• 23:28Mae Martin?

  Definitely.

• 23:29Fortune Feimster?

  You're probably in your head a little bit at the moment.

• 23:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:32Fortune Feimster?

  Thinking, ah, I keep failing this test.

• 23:35Mae Martin?

  Maybe you call it, call it out, name the feeling. You go, oh, I was thinking about what to say to you when you get in the car, cuz, you know, third time lucky, like, you, you go, oh, I'm feeling the tension a little bit, although I guess depending on how you phrase it, you could, it could sound like you're coming onto them.

• 23:50Fortune Feimster?

  Being a creep.

• 23:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Do you, do you feel that tension?

• 23:53Fortune Feimster?

  I keep failing, so I'll see you again.

• 23:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:56Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe don't say that.

• 23:57Mae Martin?

  You could cut this tension with a knife.

• 24:00Fortune Feimster?

  I say, just keep practicing a little bit before your next test. So you know you got the skill behind you. And then when you're in, in the car, just try not to focus on the tester.

• 24:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Fortune Feimster?

  It's on the road.

• 24:13Mae Martin?

  Focus on the road.

• 24:14Fortune Feimster?

  Focus on the road, you know, get your hands at, where do they go 10 and 2?

• 24:20Mae Martin?

  I thought it was 10 and 2. Someone recently told me it's changed to.

• 24:23Fortune Feimster?

  Is it 9 and 3?

• 24:24Mae Martin?

  To 9 and 3 or something.

• 24:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 24:26Mae Martin?

  I think it's 10 and 2. I'm gonna keep.

• 24:27Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, 10 and 2? Yeah, I can see 9 and 3. Sometimes I go down to, what would this be? 7 and 5?

• 24:35Mae Martin?

  That's dangerous. That's when your hands are resting on your lap, basically, right?

• 24:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 24:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:41Fortune Feimster?

  Focus on the road. Don't focus on this person. They don't matter, other than they're gonna decide whether or not you pass.

• 24:46Mae Martin?

  Well, in, following that logic, maybe there is a world where you butter them up a bit. Like, they are obviously power drunk. They failed you twice.

• 24:56Fortune Feimster?

  Bring up some M and Ms.

• 24:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or you go, God, I'm so glad I got you again as my tester. I was worried it would be someone else.

• 25:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, a little, um, ego boost.

• 25:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or you go.

• 25:07Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, I don't hate that.

• 25:08Mae Martin?

  You go, because you know my driving, you're gonna notice how much better I am this time.

• 25:13Fortune Feimster?

  And what if the person's like, what are you talking about? I've never met you.

• 25:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, it wasn't me.

• 25:18Fortune Feimster?

  I do, uh, I do about 30 of these a day.

• 25:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's not that deep.

• 25:24Fortune Feimster?

  Emma, good luck to you. I believe in you. May believes in you.

• 25:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:28Fortune Feimster?

  We know you got this. And they say, third time's a charm.

• 25:31Mae Martin?

  Totally.

• 25:32Fortune Feimster?

  So you got this, my friend.

• 25:33Mae Martin?

  But even if it takes, it takes five times, like, you don't have the muscle memory. You're, you're like me. You're a grown adult.

• 25:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 25:40Mae Martin?

  So, give yourself a break.

• 25:42Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 25:43Mae Martin?

  Okay, that was fun. I like the advice.

• 25:45Fortune Feimster?

  The advice is fun.

• 25:46Mae Martin?

  Advice is good.

• 25:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I love it.

• 25:49Mae Martin?

  Please keep submitting your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com/hansampod.

• 25:56Fortune Feimster?

  Give us the questions. Give us, uh, what advice, anything you want. We're, we're here for you.

• 26:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we'll teach you how to S and D.

• 26:08Fortune Feimster?

  Mine will all be made up advice, which also could be fun. Yeah. You gotta, first you gotta warm your hands. You gotta put on some mitts, warm those hands, because you know, nobody likes a cold, shocking touch. Except, I'm sure someone does. Someone does. There's someone for everyone out there, May. You're right. Dunk your hands in ice. Yeah. Well, you never know what you'll get here, but we're glad you tuned in and we love it. We love hearing from you and we love being a part of the Handsome Pod community. That's correct. So, uh, check out our regular episode, uh, next week. And until then, keep it pretty handsome.

• 26:51Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 27:07Mae Martin?

  What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.