Sheryl Lee Ralph asks about being too much

Sheryl Lee Ralph of "Abbott Elementary" and "One Mississippi" asks about being too much... and poses some BONUS questions on a true Thanksgiving feast of an episode! Plus a pahnties confessional, Mae quoting Fortune's life advice, and a host who has a crush on... Pitbull?! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Tig Notaro?

  Dear listeners, we have a couple of very exciting announcements as we head into this handsome halibob season.

• 0:08Mae Martin?

  Number one, we now have cozy handsome sweatpants and oh my God, we have handsome ponties for sale at our merch store.

• 0:17Tig Notaro?

  Secondly, we're having our first ever sale, so head over to handsomepod.com, get your sweatpants, get your ponties, and get yourself a deal. That's handsomepod.com.

• 0:33Mae Martin?

  This is a HeadGum Podcast. Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium professional website.

• 0:55Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:27Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 1:52Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 2:12Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to the handsome pod. I'm Fortune Feimster.

• 2:23Mae Martin?

  I'm Mae Martin.

• 2:24Tig Notaro?

  And I am your dear, dear friend Tig Notaro.

• 2:28Fortune Feimster?

  And it's Thanksgiving week, you guys.

• 2:32Tig Notaro?

  My favorite, my favorite holiday.

• 2:36Fortune Feimster?

  I know we are some Americans and Canadians combined into one handsome pod, but this week we're giving thanks for each other.

• 2:45Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 2:46Fortune Feimster?

  I'm grateful for you guys.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's got a hat on. Oh, I like this. Look, go to YouTube. Go look at Fortune with a hat on. That is a good looking hat.

• 2:57Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you.

• 2:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, where'd you get that?

• 2:58Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I went to a soccer game out here in LA and it's the, I think it's the men's soccer team hat.

• 3:04Tig Notaro?

  Good looking.

• 3:05Fortune Feimster?

  It says LA.

• 3:06Tig Notaro?

  Handsome.

• 3:07Fortune Feimster?

  Should I leave it on? Should I do the pod with a hat on?

• 3:09Tig Notaro?

  Uh, for sure.

• 3:11Mae Martin?

  It's a very LA look.

• 3:12Tig Notaro?

  I would pull it down a little more.

• 3:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, like this?

• 3:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:16Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, I give thanks for you guys helping me with my fashion.

• 3:21Tig Notaro?

  A fashion?

• 3:22Fortune Feimster?

  I just had to do a, uh, or I'm about to do a photo shoot.

• 3:26Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like photo shoots. No, not with this hat. I gotta, for my new tour, you know, they just have you do photo shoots every now and then because they're like, we need pictures for your website and for this and that. And I don't like a photo shoot. Do you guys like them?

• 3:41Tig Notaro?

  I hate.

• 3:43Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 3:44Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I, I historically hate them, but I will say our photo shoot, when we didn't even know what the podcast was really,

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  I don't think we'd even landed on a format, but we were like, gotta take these pics in these beautiful suits. That was super fun and I love those pics.

• 3:59Fortune Feimster?

  Those pics are good.

• 4:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Three awkward handsome people.

• 4:03Fortune Feimster?

  In suits.

• 4:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, those pics are great. But generally I find like, or at least when you're first starting out and you're scared to say no to people, did photographers try to get you to do like funny stuff in photo shoots? They're like, hold this rubber chicken and like.

• 4:17Fortune Feimster?

  Jump in the air.

• 4:18Tig Notaro?

  I always recommended.

• 4:20Fortune Feimster?

  A rubber chicken.

• 4:21Tig Notaro?

  A rubber chicken. Yeah. It was like, this'll be funny.

• 4:23Fortune Feimster?

  It is funny if you go to the Comedy Store, because there are the pictures like that from like this, like maybe the eighties.

• 4:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:31Fortune Feimster?

  And they'll be like, you know, somebody's holding like a rubber chicken.

• 4:36Fortune Feimster?

  And you're like, oh, man.

• 4:37Mae Martin?

  For the record, what is supposed to be funny about a rubber chicken? Like, it's not like a whoopee cushion where it does something like, does, like, what is it? It's like a plucked.

• 4:46Tig Notaro?

  You don't think that's funny? A rubber chicken, May? That doesn't.

• 4:51Mae Martin?

  I feel like I'm missing, I'm missing the joke. Like, it squeaks or what?

• 4:56Fortune Feimster?

  I think, like, you step on it or something and it squeaks.

• 4:59Tig Notaro?

  Even if it doesn't squeak, it's hilarious. It's a rubber chicken.

• 5:03Mae Martin?

  It's a plucked, dead, rubber chicken.

• 5:07Fortune Feimster?

  But that's like, whoopee cushions used to be so hilarious back in the day.

• 5:12Tig Notaro?

  But they make a noise.

• 5:14Mae Martin?

  They at least make a noise and it's a fart noise and you hide it. There's an element of surprise. What do you do? Just throw a rubber chicken at someone?

• 5:20Tig Notaro?

  You know who loves a whoopee cushion?

• 5:23Fortune Feimster?

  Me.

• 5:24Tig Notaro?

  My sons.

• 5:26Mae Martin?

  We gotta get together.

• 5:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh. When people come over, they are still at that age where they believe that when you're acting like you don't notice that they're going and

• 5:37Mae Martin?

  Putting it.

• 5:38Tig Notaro?

  Quickly putting it underneath you.

• 5:42Tig Notaro?

  And, oh, man. Yeah, they love a whoopee cushion. And we have many that are like, split and destroyed around the house because somebody sat on them too hard.

• 5:53Mae Martin?

  They break really easily.

• 5:54Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 5:55Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I didn't know this.

• 5:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Well, now you know.

• 5:58Mae Martin?

  Is it Mel Brooks or Leslie Nielsen or someone used to always bring a fart machine to interviews and press drunkards and like where he'd press a button in his hand and it would,

• 6:07Mae Martin?

  and it's just classic.

• 6:08Fortune Feimster?

  That is pretty funny. You should do that.

• 6:12Tig Notaro?

  Do what?

• 6:12Fortune Feimster?

  Bring a fart machine to your interviews.

• 6:16Tig Notaro?

  That's not really my style, you know?

• 6:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 6:19Tig Notaro?

  It's like slightly off. I would like it if somebody else did it to me. You know what I mean? Like, or I watch them do it.

• 6:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:29Tig Notaro?

  I know somebody whose mother used to just.

• 6:35Tig Notaro?

  Pass gas.

• 6:37Mae Martin?

  On purpose?

• 6:39Tig Notaro?

  Just as a human being in the world. I mean, like, she'd make eye contact with you and be mid-sentence.

• 6:44Mae Martin?

  Love that.

• 6:45Tig Notaro?

  And let her rip and then just excuse herself and keep talking because it was natural.

• 6:51Mae Martin?

  That's so good.

• 6:52Tig Notaro?

  That.

• 6:53Mae Martin?

  Like, when did we?

• 6:54Tig Notaro?

  She wasn't being funny. She was just like, yeah, that happened. And I'm sorry, excuse me. What did you say?

• 7:00Mae Martin?

  So, how come no other animal species is embarrassed by, like, why are we embarrassed by farting?

• 7:07Tig Notaro?

  I'm not. Are you? You're embarrassed by it, May?

• 7:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, I don't want to do it in front of people, but I love when, I've talked about this before. I think that it's like a, not that I have a fart fetish. I don't. I want to clarify. I really don't. But there's something about the confidence of someone who knows that you are so in love with them that they can fart as a punchline. And you're, the confidence is so hot, like, like some beautiful person is just like, hey, May. I'm like, I'm in love.

• 7:37Fortune Feimster?

  I will say, and I'm not a big, I'm not big into fart noises and that kind of stuff, but there is a guy on TikTok who goes around and he,

• 7:46Mae Martin?

  Yes, I've seen him.

• 7:47Fortune Feimster?

  He goes in front of people like on walks and stuff, and he jumps up in the air and it, and the fart, this huge fart noise comes out.

• 7:54Tig Notaro?

  Poor Jen.

• 7:55Fortune Feimster?

  And it's just so funny to see the people be like, what just happened? And he'll, he's always like, just like fart bombing people.

• 8:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:03Fortune Feimster?

  In the funniest ways. I don't usually find that stuff funny and I think it's hilarious. Only because he's like, literally jumping like a cheerleader in the air. It's the most extreme version of farting in public.

• 8:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:20Fortune Feimster?

  It's crazy.

• 8:21Mae Martin?

  I just found out that, I think this is connected to the Leslie Nielsen, Mel Brooks thing, but I just found out that, the Mrs. Robinson from The Graduate, you know, Anne Bancroft, this like glamorous, beautiful actress. She was married to Mel Brooks for like 30 years.

• 8:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:37Mae Martin?

  I didn't know that. I love that. She was like, I saw an interview on Instagram where she was like, I always thought I'd be married to some like Clark Gable person. And then I was at a party and I heard this little voice coming out of the shadows and it was Mel Brooks and I realized, that's my guy.

• 8:51Tig Notaro?

  That's my guy.

• 8:52Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 8:53Tig Notaro?

  It's funny when you, when something like that. Takes you by surprise, like, oh, that's, I'm into you.

• 9:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:02Tig Notaro?

  And like figuring out different, I guess Fortune and I were talking about this on our, um, on our mini pretty little episode. It's like when you meet personalities that you've never met before. And like, what a mystery this person is. Like what, you do this and you like this? And you can do this and you are good at that, but you can't do that? I don't even understand who I'm talking to right now.

• 9:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:33Tig Notaro?

  It's so fun.

• 9:35Mae Martin?

  Like you think there's a finite number of types of people and you're like, oh yeah, I know this type of person. So then you meet someone, you're like, you're a whole new thing.

• 9:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Who the hell are you?

• 9:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:46Tig Notaro?

  It's so interesting.

• 9:48Mae Martin?

  Deck of tarot cards, but where I pick the, so instead of like the hangman, the fool, like the, the high priestess, you, you pick like archetypes from your life, like the friend who's annoying, but they're kind of like family at this point. So you still see them like, you know what I mean?

• 10:03Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 10:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I don't know what the types would be, but.

• 10:07Tig Notaro?

  That is a funny, like right off the bat, I know that person.

• 10:11Mae Martin?

  Right?

• 10:11Tig Notaro?

  The annoying person that is, they're in there.

• 10:16Mae Martin?

  They're in there till death and you're like.

• 10:18Tig Notaro?

  Till death.

• 10:18Mae Martin?

  Oh, I guess, yeah. I have a couple of those.

• 10:22Tig Notaro?

  There are some people though, that you still gotta kick them to the curb. If, if they're bringing you down and they're terribly negative and all of that stuff, you gotta cut them loose.

• 10:36Mae Martin?

  I, I should cut people loose more maybe, but I, I, I hang on, but maybe I would like phase them out or I wouldn't see them as much. But it's, yeah, when people are so stuck in patterns that you're like, we're having the same, I'm sure a lot of people feel this about me. Actually, as I'm saying that, I'm like, I'm sure a lot of my friends are like, this again.

• 10:55Tig Notaro?

  Here we go.

• 10:56Mae Martin?

  Here we go. Let's get this dusty volume off the shelf and crack the old spine.

• 11:02Fortune Feimster?

  I'm perfect.

• 11:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you are a fortune.

• 11:04Tig Notaro?

  Especially in that hat. Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube. You know what I wanted to share is I was telling Thomas about this the other day. I've been reading this book called The 5am Club and I'm almost finished. I cannot recommend this book enough.

• 11:20Fortune Feimster?

  Does it mean you have to get up at 5am?

• 11:23Mae Martin?

  I'm worried about.

• 11:23Tig Notaro?

  Yes, but.

• 11:24Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know about this.

• 11:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, you can, you can.

• 11:27Mae Martin?

  You can poo poo it.

• 11:28Tig Notaro?

  You can throw all this negative attitude towards me.

• 11:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, change, change my mind.

• 11:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I, I can't. You'd have to read this book. It's so, I, I do not want it to end. It's so unbelievably inspiring. And whenever I read a book, I'll, I'll jot down quotes or thoughts that I have. This book, I, I keep the, the notes in my phone. I have to keep my phone next to me so I can, I'm like, oh my God, I have to transfer this quote, this thought. This is so incredible.

• 12:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I love that feeling.

• 12:04Tig Notaro?

  And it's really a book about zero excuses. Like zero excuses, none, no lying, no excuses, no, no sneaking around some other way. It's, and it's also all about how you function in life when nobody's watching. That you are holding yourself fully accountable. And that 5am part is that you start your day at 5am because it sounds daunting, but like if you get on a schedule, then it doesn't even matter. Like that you're getting up at 5am.

• 12:49Tig Notaro?

  Look, I have not mastered this because I have terrible sleep issues. So I'm trying to get on top of that, but I am so inspired by this book, but basically my kids, their day doesn't really start till seven. That's when they have to really get dressed, get their teeth brushed, have their breakfast. And we have to be out the door by like 7:50. If I were to get up between 5 and 7am, I could have worked out.

• 13:18Tig Notaro?

  I could have done writing.

• 13:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:23Tig Notaro?

  You, you have, you have this chunk of time when the rest of the world is sleeping. And you know what I, what I really loved and I, and I'll be quiet about this book, but I have to say it like I think about it all the time. I can't wait to get back to the book. I don't want it to end. One of my favorite things that it said is that the world right now is so full of distracted people that are just staring at their phones.

• 13:49Mae Martin?

  My God, yeah, the amount of like stimulation.

• 13:52Tig Notaro?

  But not just that. Okay. Okay, this is where I was like, oh my gosh.

• 13:57Mae Martin?

  Tig is adjusting herself in her seat right now.

• 14:00Tig Notaro?

  It's really simple, but it blew my mind. We are living in a time where everyone is dividing their attention. They're not focusing in a way that as a human being, you should be focusing to achieve all of your hopes and dreams. And because this time period is full of people so distracted and on their phones, it is the perfect time for people to focus and actually excel and succeed in their life.

• 14:37Mae Martin?

  See, that appeals to me. That's like a sneaky little.

• 14:40Tig Notaro?

  Yes, because everyone else is just staring at their phone.

• 14:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:45Tig Notaro?

  And it's a very.

• 14:48Mae Martin?

  Digging your butthole.

• 14:50Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marine. But it is, it's a, the majority, 99% of the population is staring at their phone. And so if you make yourself that small percentage that focuses and betters yourself.

• 15:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:07Tig Notaro?

  You're gonna, and this isn't just like you're gonna rule the world, you're gonna be a billionaire, whatever, whatever it is that you want to apply this to, to make your life better.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  You're gonna attract abundance in that way.

• 15:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and it's, it's there for the taking.

• 15:22Mae Martin?

  You know how Fortune has taken on board the treading water and stuff? I'm gonna, when I get back to LA.

• 15:28Tig Notaro?

  Look at those guns. Go to YouTube.

• 15:30Mae Martin?

  Fortune's showing her guns.

• 15:32Tig Notaro?

  I mean.

• 15:33Mae Martin?

  When I get back to LA, when I'm like trying to settle back into a routine, I'm gonna, and you don't have to respond. I'm just gonna send you a thumbs up emoji at 5am when I'm up at 5, and I'm gonna start.

• 15:45Tig Notaro?

  That just gave me chills. Because you know what? I'm not gonna ask you. I'm not gonna follow up. I'm not, whatever.

• 15:51Mae Martin?

  But I'll be a little bit accountable to someone or just like, it'll feel good to be like, hey, I did it. Yeah.

• 15:57Tig Notaro?

  And listen, it better not be you're giving me a thumbs up at 5am because you were up all night having an orgy.

• 16:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, thumbs up. Yeah.

• 16:06Fortune Feimster?

  Thumbs up. Good times.

• 16:08Tig Notaro?

  And let me, let me just clarify once again. I have not mastered this because I'm really struggling with my sleep. But I'm trying to use that focus when I can during my days or mornings when I do get up.

• 16:22Mae Martin?

  I like that. So it's, it's also, yeah, if you find yourself with a few hours in the afternoon, it's like, how do I, yeah.

• 16:28Tig Notaro?

  You have to give your 100% focus, which means not stopping to look at your phone or do anything else.

• 16:35Mae Martin?

  Like, I feel like it can apply also to rest or play. It's like, it doesn't have to be just about productivity. It's like, if I'm like, oh, I'm gonna, you know, have a bath or read a book or take care of myself. It's like, focus on that. And that's equally, yeah.

• 16:49Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, and the book also talks about how, everybody talks about how busy they are. They're so busy. They're so busy. They're so busy. But busy doesn't necessarily mean productivity.

• 17:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:02Tig Notaro?

  The way they break everything down in this book is just, I love it.

• 17:08Mae Martin?

  You know who is in that club?

• 17:10Tig Notaro?

  Who?

• 17:10Mae Martin?

  Mark Wahlberg.

• 17:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, he gets up at like 3:30 or 4:00. Yeah, he gets up so early.

• 17:16Mae Martin?

  And he goes and he works out and he says, I go stay prayed up.

• 17:21Tig Notaro?

  But it's not punishing.

• 17:22Mae Martin?

  He goes and gives a prayer to the Lord. He goes and works out. He goes and eats his salmon. He says, say hello to your mother for me. And then he sells his municipal clothing. He's got his tequila on Instagram. I mean, he does this all before you even.

• 17:38Tig Notaro?

  Woke up.

• 17:39Mae Martin?

  I don't want the rigidity around what I do with it. Like, it's like I want to be doing new things with that time, but I wanna, yeah.

• 17:48Tig Notaro?

  Well, you have to make it your own.

• 17:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:50Tig Notaro?

  You make it your own, but, you know, and maybe you won't make it. Maybe I won't get a thumbs up from you, but.

• 17:56Mae Martin?

  Listen, and, and send me your thumbs up, too.

• 17:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

• 18:00Mae Martin?

  I had one thing like that, that like, sort of changed the way I think recently was, I was talking about how I loved, like, when I was living with a child, I loved bedtime and bath time. Like, that's the cutest, oh my god, like, bath time, making someone so cozy. And I was like, I really enjoyed, like, being outside of myself and just my job is make this kid so cozy.

• 18:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 18:23Mae Martin?

  And then the person was like, well, what do you do for your bedtime and bath time? And I was like, I don't know, like, have a cigarette and then scroll on my phone for a few hours.

• 18:31Tig Notaro?

  A cigarette.

• 18:32Mae Martin?

  Probably like jerk off and then like get depressed.

• 18:35Tig Notaro?

  I'm ready for bed.

• 18:37Mae Martin?

  You know?

• 18:37Tig Notaro?

  Jerk off, have a cigarette.

• 18:44Tig Notaro?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 18:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 19:12Tig Notaro?

  The handsome hollybob season is fast approaching, and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 19:34Mae Martin?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget.

• 19:48Fortune Feimster?

  More into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I use Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything. I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 20:03Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 20:19Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 20:39Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 21:03Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 21:23Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hitting the road. That's right, we'll be live in Nashville, Tennessee on Sunday, April 6th at Ryman Auditorium.

• 21:31Fortune Feimster?

  Then we'll be in Austin, Texas on April 12th as part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. So get your tickets while they're still available and check out our social media pages for more info.

• 21:42Mae Martin?

  And she was like, no, you gotta do, you've gotta treat your inner child like get, make yourself the coziest you can, like have a nice bath, read yourself a little story, tuck yourself in like, you know what I mean? And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you need to have cozy bedtime.

• 22:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and bath time.

• 22:01Fortune Feimster?

  Cigarette grilled cheese.

• 22:03Mae Martin?

  I seriously, I think because I haven't had a routine while I've been filming and I'm eating at weird times. I'm like, yeah, I've been, I've been smoking too much. And it's like,

• 22:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, filming is discombobulating. There's no way to have like a real life during that

• 22:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:18Fortune Feimster?

  crazy process.

• 22:19Tig Notaro?

  I think that's why also it's been really helpful for me to be reading this while I'm filming, because I'm so kind of out of sorts in a different country, a different time zone, away from my family. I don't have, you know, I just don't, I don't really understand my life right now.

• 22:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, same.

• 22:39Tig Notaro?

  So I'm trying to return to Los Angeles, a better person.

• 22:44Mae Martin?

  I'm writing down the 5am club.

• 22:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, everybody write down the 5am club, even if it sounds daunting to get up at 5am and you never plan to. What the book talks about is truly so inspiring.

• 22:58Fortune Feimster?

  And if you have to wake up at 7am, whatever.

• 23:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what, yeah.

• 23:01Tig Notaro?

  You're a loser.

• 23:02Mae Martin?

  No, that's the thing about all this like self-care advice and like Instagram things is like, if you're then feeling shame when you don't do it, then that's not worth it. Like, oh, yeah. Some days you gotta stay in bed. Some days you gotta jerk off, have a cigarette and eat a grilled cheese.

• 23:17Fortune Feimster?

  Jerk off with one hand and smoking a cig with the other.

• 23:21Mae Martin?

  And eating the grilled cheese with your toes.

• 23:23Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 23:25Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 23:28Tig Notaro?

  Any other book recommendations?

• 23:30Fortune Feimster?

  I haven't read a book in a minute.

• 23:32Mae Martin?

  Do you do audiobooks ever?

• 23:34Tig Notaro?

  I don't.

• 23:34Fortune Feimster?

  No, I downloaded Viola Davis's biography. That is in my queue because I finally got a, after 20, 20 years in LA, I finally got a library card.

• 23:45Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 23:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So my plan is to try to read, but I like biographies. I like learning about people's history and stories. And so my first cue is yeah, Viola Davis's book. Do you have any books that you reread more than once like that?

• 24:00Mae Martin?

  Like I really like this book, 1927 by Bill Bryson. That's just about everything that happened in America in that year. I've read, I just, I've read it multiple times just because it's really, it's got a lot of facts.

• 24:12Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Mae Martin?

  It's soothing.

• 24:13Tig Notaro?

  You love a fact.

• 24:13Mae Martin?

  May fact.

• 24:14Tig Notaro?

  Love a fact.

• 24:15Fortune Feimster?

  I can't read a book twice. I rarely watch a movie twice.

• 24:18Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 24:19Fortune Feimster?

  One and done.

• 24:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I'm kind of similar, but as a kid, I, um, I was really obsessed with the whole Sid and Nancy situation.

• 24:30Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 24:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:31Mae Martin?

  You were like electrified by their bond?

• 24:34Tig Notaro?

  Uh, well, no, I-

• 24:35Mae Martin?

  You mean Sid Vicious?

• 24:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Sid Vicious and Nancy Sponchin.

• 24:40Mae Martin?

  I've never known her last name. Isn't that awful? Sponchin. What was the hotel, name of that hotel?

• 24:45Tig Notaro?

  God, I'm forgetting. I guess I'm, I guess I've lost my obsession, but May, I think you would really like this book.

• 24:54Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna write it down as well.

• 24:56Tig Notaro?

  It's called, And I Don't Want to Live This Life.

• 24:59Mae Martin?

  Okay, amazing.

• 25:00Tig Notaro?

  I read that three times as a kid. It is written by Nancy's mother.

• 25:06Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 25:07Tig Notaro?

  The Hotel Chelsea.

• 25:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:09Tig Notaro?

  Hotel Chelsea.

• 25:10Mae Martin?

  And you were like eight years old reading this?

• 25:12Tig Notaro?

  No, I was, uh, I was a teenager.

• 25:15Mae Martin?

  Okay, I'm gonna read it.

• 25:16Tig Notaro?

  But it's, it's called, And I Don't Want to Live This Life, which is a line that Sid wrote in his letter, uh, after Nancy died. Um, but the book is about Nancy's childhood.

• 25:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, wow.

• 25:30Tig Notaro?

  And it is something.

• 25:33Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 25:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. It is a really good book.

• 25:37Mae Martin?

  I'm buying rap gifts for the crew and everything on, on the show. And I just bought some of the Bob Dylan Chronicles. It's autobiography that Dylan wrote. That's pretty amazing too, because he just paints a whole picture of New York at the, at time and-

• 25:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:50Tig Notaro?

  Get them, get them all to 5am Club too.

• 25:53Mae Martin?

  I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to.

• 25:56Fortune Feimster?

  Now that we're rapping.

• 25:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:58Fortune Feimster?

  Do this.

• 25:59Tig Notaro?

  Get up at 5.

• 26:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:02Tig Notaro?

  Well, should we move on to our question for today?

• 26:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 26:06Mae Martin?

  Yes, please.

• 26:06Tig Notaro?

  Today's questioner is an actress and singer who was nominated for a Tony Award for her role in Dreamgirls on Broadway. She starred in the hit show One Mississippi.

• 26:18Mae Martin?

  Hey.

• 26:19Tig Notaro?

  And won an Emmy for playing Barbara Howard on Abbott Elementary. Cheryl Lee Ralph is asking today's question.

• 26:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  Hey handsome pod, here's a question for you. Do you think that when people tell you, oh, you're just too much, or you're this, or you're that, you should just let it slide?

• 26:43Fortune Feimster?

  I love her voice. Cheryl's voice is so smooth.

• 26:47Mae Martin?

  Amazing voice. But was the question, do you think that when people tell you that?

• 26:52Tig Notaro?

  Like, do you just let it slide?

• 26:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, do you let it slide? Or do you go?

• 26:57Tig Notaro?

  Should you just let it slide? Or do you like say something back to them? Or, you know, do you defend your personality? Or, you know, is what I'm getting from it?

• 27:06Mae Martin?

  I tearfully defend.

• 27:10Tig Notaro?

  Do you get told you're too much, or you're a lot?

• 27:13Mae Martin?

  Uh, only in romantic dynamics occasionally, when I've dated like sort of more avoidant people and I'm, I get anxious. But no, I think, I heard someone the other day, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person.

• 27:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:29Mae Martin?

  And so you kind of want people in your...

• 27:31Fortune Feimster?

  I think I told you that.

• 27:32Mae Martin?

  Did you? Was that you?

• 27:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think it was. I think it was.

• 27:38Tig Notaro?

  I do too.

• 27:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think I like that a lot, though. It's like, yeah, if someone's like, you're too much, it's like, all right, well then, I'm not for you.

• 27:46Tig Notaro?

  Do you feel that way? Do you feel like, oh, well? Or are you like, oh, gosh?

• 27:51Mae Martin?

  No, I'm a deep people pleaser. I'm ready to change my whole personality.

• 27:57Fortune Feimster?

  No, don't do that.

• 27:59Mae Martin?

  No, I'm trying to evolve, though. But yeah.

• 28:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 28:02Mae Martin?

  What about, I can't imagine you being told you're too much to?

• 28:07Fortune Feimster?

  I get I get told it all the time.

• 28:10Mae Martin?

  Do you really?

• 28:10Tig Notaro?

  Too much?

• 28:11Fortune Feimster?

  It's the silliness.

• 28:13Tig Notaro?

  Really? By who?

• 28:14Fortune Feimster?

  But like in a fun, it's rarely like in a negative way. It's just like you're.

• 28:18Tig Notaro?

  But like who? Like is Jack's like, come on.

• 28:21Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, every now and then, but she she gets me. She knows she knows this is my ridiculous personality. I mean, more people just kind of shaking their head.

• 28:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:30Fortune Feimster?

  But but it's rarely in a like, you should change way. It's just like you're you are too much.

• 28:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:37Fortune Feimster?

  That kind of thing.

• 28:38Mae Martin?

  Like more affectionate?

• 28:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like that, like they kind of understand that's how I am, but.

• 28:43Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 28:44Fortune Feimster?

  I but I feel like I can find the balance with like silliness and also being a normal human who understands life and idiosyncrasies and nuances.

• 28:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're not like on all the time.

• 28:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I mean, I have no problem sitting in a corner not talking for two hours.

• 29:03Tig Notaro?

  Same.

• 29:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 29:04Mae Martin?

  Especially at a party.

• 29:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm like, give me a slider or a piece of cheese.

• 29:09Tig Notaro?

  And some space.

• 29:10Fortune Feimster?

  Put me in a corner.

• 29:13Mae Martin?

  I was watching Love is Blind, that reality show where they don't see each other. They talk through a wall. They fall in love and then they meet and they have to go on like honeymoon and then get married. In that order, weirdly.

• 29:24Tig Notaro?

  What? They don't see each other?

• 29:26Mae Martin?

  They don't see each other and they talk for like three weeks and they date different people.

• 29:30Tig Notaro?

  I have heard of this show and I truly thought it was blind people hooking up.

• 29:35Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 29:37Tig Notaro?

  I did.

• 29:38Mae Martin?

  You thought Love is, I see why you thought that.

• 29:40Tig Notaro?

  I did. I thought that it was blind people that were that you were watching connect. How interesting.

• 29:47Mae Martin?

  Couple who they seem so well matched, like they through the wall there. But also people are insane because it's like they have three dates. They're like, I've never felt this way before. You're everything I've been. But they're like so happy. They're like, we're we're doing this. They get engaged, they meet, they're attracted to each other. I'm like, oh, this could actually work. And then they're on the kind of filmed vacation in Cabo that's meant to test the relationship. And the guy just keeps going, she's like, I can't wait to meet your dog. And he goes, that's my dog. And she's like, stop, stop saying that. That's so annoying. And he's like, what do you mean? And then he's like, that's my dog. And he keeps saying, that's my dog. And she's like, if you say that.

• 30:25Tig Notaro?

  But why is he saying that?

• 30:27Mae Martin?

  I don't know. He's like being silly, I guess. And he's like, my dog. And he keeps going like, roof, roof. And she, but it's not that annoying. And he doesn't, but for some reason she sees red and she's talking to her friend. She's like, he keeps saying, that's my dog. Like she, she just hates that he says that.

• 30:43Fortune Feimster?

  If she's annoyed by that now, that's wanting to get like five times worse.

• 30:47Mae Martin?

  Right. But he's like, well, if you can't accept me saying that's my dog.

• 30:51Fortune Feimster?

  If you can't accept me saying that's my dog, we're not meant to be together.

• 30:55Tig Notaro?

  I mean, but we are meant to be together. I met you behind that wall.

• 30:59Mae Martin?

  Three weeks ago.

• 31:00Tig Notaro?

  Three weeks ago. And now we're on a televised vacation.

• 31:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. That and that like Married at First Sight, all those, I mean, all those, I know they're like very entertaining, but that just seems so crazy to just like meet someone else and you're getting married.

• 31:17Mae Martin?

  I know. It seems very non-specific. It's like they've decided like, I'm ready. I'm ready for the one. And it kind of doesn't matter who it is, as long as they're also ready for the one, you know?

• 31:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 31:29Mae Martin?

  Should we start doing this podcast through a wall? All of a sudden, we're all like, God, I've never felt this way about you guys.

• 31:35Tig Notaro?

  We kind of are with Zoom.

• 31:38Mae Martin?

  Oh, I can't wait to be back in the same room as you guys.

• 31:40Fortune Feimster?

  I know. We're gonna go in that HeadGum studio at some point when, when all of us are not filming in Toronto.

• 31:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that'll be fun.

• 31:49Fortune Feimster?

  Did you ever answer if you're too, people tell you you're too much, Tig?

• 31:53Tig Notaro?

  I feel like I've certainly heard that.

• 31:56Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 31:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but I, I think that I heard it more when I was younger.

• 32:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:02Tig Notaro?

  For sure. Um, I think that I'm kind of the classic case of, once I became a comedian and I could get it out of my system, I've, for the most part, gotten it out of my system. And so now I can just show up to life and be a normal functioning, I think fairly decent person in the world that does little bits and pranks here and there. But I'm not like leading with, I'm funny, I'm crazy, I'm weird, I'm gonna take this risk.

• 32:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:41Tig Notaro?

  Um, you know, and, uh, or I'm gonna annoy you until the end of time. Um, I think that I, I had definitely those elements to my personality that, um, were not.

• 32:57Tig Notaro?

  Terribly fun or attractive or easy to be around. And then

• 33:03Fortune Feimster?

  Mellowed.

• 33:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and also I'm 53 and it's like, yeah, but I don't, I don't know. I don't, I don't really hear it. I don't hear it now.

• 33:19Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I guess when you are a comedian, it's like, that is sort of part of our job at times is to be a little too much.

• 33:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:28Fortune Feimster?

  So, yeah, rarely are people saying, can you, can you take that down a couple notches, that thing you do for a living?

• 33:35Tig Notaro?

  I actually had a really intense conversation with a childhood friend of mine recently. We reconnected and we had such an emo, we were so close. And she shared something that I had done that had hurt her feelings so deeply.

• 33:58Fortune Feimster?

  Like many, many years ago?

• 34:00Tig Notaro?

  Many years ago.

• 34:01Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 34:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And I mean, we were like, it was one of those conversations where it was like, I love you so much and I've missed you and how are you? And I see, I've seen this and I've, you know, whatever.

• 34:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 34:13Tig Notaro?

  And, and also in that conversation, she was like, you know, you did this thing that really, really hurt my feelings.

• 34:24Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, here, here I was 53 years old going, God, yeah, that is so hurtful and lame that I did. And, and, and I went into the conversation of, I think I didn't know how to use my superpower, you know, of comedy. I didn't know how to use it correctly and I'm so sorry I did that.

• 34:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 34:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Also, the happier you get, the less you

• 34:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:55Mae Martin?

  But that's so meaningful that she brought it up because I feel like people who want to have tough conversations, it means that they want to have you in their life moving forward. Because if they didn't care, they wouldn't bring it up.

• 35:05Tig Notaro?

  This, this was a real out of the blue, curve ball, connecting conversation. And it like really made me think about, and her too. I think we both were like,

• 35:20Tig Notaro?

  God, we were so close and we shared so much and we also hurt each other's feelings so much as kids.

• 35:31Mae Martin?

  You know? Friendships are so intense and codependent at that age, though you're like, yeah, yeah. Wow.

• 35:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 35:38Mae Martin?

  Are you gonna keep hanging out, keep talking?

• 35:40Tig Notaro?

  Well, I mean, she lives on the East Coast and, um, but yeah, I mean, and we've, we've always maintained a friendship. We've always reached out and I think, you know what, I think I talked about, I know I did. I talked about her on this podcast where I said that her, I had felt bad because her stepfather was dying and she went.

• 36:01Mae Martin?

  Oh, yes.

• 36:02Fortune Feimster?

  I was wondering if this was the same friend.

• 36:04Tig Notaro?

  And I have to clarify, I went and, cause after my conversation with her, I just wanted to like review my texts and my emails with her and just like where our friendship had been over the years. And I just kind of did a deep dive on our history and I was so relieved to learn that it wasn't when her stepfather was dying. It was when her stepfather's pet was dying that she wanted me.

• 36:33Fortune Feimster?

  That is very different.

• 36:34Mae Martin?

  It's so different.

• 36:36Tig Notaro?

  It was different.

• 36:37Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty far removed.

• 36:40Tig Notaro?

  It was, but over time I had made it in my head that it was when he was dying that I told her I actually couldn't really be there because I was going through something.

• 36:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:50Tig Notaro?

  And when I saw that it was her, his pet, which of course can be, it is so devastating, so deeply devastating. And I do not take any power away from that. Or emotion or whatever, but, um.

• 37:04Mae Martin?

  But it's a different vibe.

• 37:06Tig Notaro?

  It's definitely a different vibe, but that's who it is. It's that same, that same friend.

• 37:11Mae Martin?

  But that wasn't the thing that she was airing the grievance about?

• 37:14Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no. It was, it was, it was something, like I said, where I was being too much.

• 37:20Mae Martin?

  You threw a rubber chicken at her.

• 37:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I was like being an annoying 14 year old and I pushed something too far and hurt her feelings and, um, and I totally get it and see it and I felt.

• 37:37Tig Notaro?

  I felt bad, but I also felt forgiving of myself because.

• 37:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, who hasn't?

• 37:43Fortune Feimster?

  Who wasn't a turd?

• 37:44Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 37:45Tig Notaro?

  I know, I know, but it's still, you know, wouldn't it be a, I don't know. I was gonna say, wouldn't it be a dream if you had like a perfect record in life? But then also, if you had a perfect record in life, you'd probably be the most boring.

• 38:02Mae Martin?

  You'd be so dull.

• 38:03Tig Notaro?

  So dull. But yeah, I did, I so appreciated that conversation.

• 38:10Tig Notaro?

  I felt so thankful for that hard, uncomfortable. We were crying, we were laughing, we, it was just really good.

• 38:21Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, you were digging deep, my friend?

• 38:23Tig Notaro?

  Digging deep.

• 38:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I had a friend the other day, who's one of my oldest friends go, remember on my birthday, when you lied and told everyone that your parents had decorated the basement for my birthday? Just because you wanted everyone to go to your house instead of mine? I have no memory of this, but when she said it, of course, I was like, oh.

• 38:46Mae Martin?

  We were 13 and there was like a group of cool boys that we were hanging out with. And everyone was going, oh, we'll go to Nicole's house and watch the movie Kids or something. And my bossy May, Brandon, I was just like, I don't want to watch that movie. I want to be at my house.

• 39:00Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 39:00Mae Martin?

  And I wanted the boys at my house and I went, no, I can't say why Nicole, but you've got to come to my house because it's my parents. For your birthday, they did something special. It's a surprise. And she just described like walking in and looking around and being like, what the fuck? And I just glossed over it. I was like, anyway, what do you guys want to do?

• 39:19Tig Notaro?

  So seven minutes in heaven?

• 39:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. Terrible.

• 39:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow. That's funny. I mean, God, we've all done such dumb ass stuff back in the day.

• 39:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:31Tig Notaro?

  My friend Wesley, she, I love this lie that she told to make friends. Maybe I've shared this on here, but she told everybody that her grandmother owned a bunny farm.

• 39:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I do remember this. Such a kid line.

• 39:51Tig Notaro?

  It's like, that's the way she's gonna get friends. It's like, oh, my gosh. Leslie's grandmother has a bunny farm.

• 40:02Tig Notaro?

  Whatever it takes.

• 40:03Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Cheryl's answer?

• 40:04Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  Okay, my answer is heck, no. If they tell you, you are just too much, then you tell them, go find less. If they tell you, you think you're all that, just know they're saying to themselves, they know they could never be all of what you are. Yeah.

• 40:24Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Let them go find what they need, because obviously you are not the one. And sometimes that is a very good thing, but that's just me, so let me stop.

• 40:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 40:36Fortune Feimster?

  Cheryl's the best. Go find less.

• 40:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Yeah, she's so like magnetic. She is so inspiring. And I can't remember, Stephanie told me that she had posted something on Instagram, and I'm sure I'm not quoting it right, because I'm sure Stephanie didn't quote it right. But she was talking about all the old boomers having a problem with, you know, pronouns.

• 41:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:07Tig Notaro?

  And she was just like letting them have it.

• 41:10Mae Martin?

  I think I saw this, just being like, get over it.

• 41:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Get a real problem.

• 41:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:17Tig Notaro?

  But I don't know. Yeah, when she, she did such a phenomenal job on One Mississippi.

• 41:23Mae Martin?

  She's so amazing in that.

• 41:24Tig Notaro?

  A phenomenal job on that show.

• 41:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:27Tig Notaro?

  And then to see her just explode and get all the recognition and attention.

• 41:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:36Tig Notaro?

  For, I mean, her talent is, it's remarkable. And she's just such a great person.

• 41:43Fortune Feimster?

  She won like an Emmy or a Golden Globe, I can't remember, and gave like an unbelievable speech. You're just like, she's someone that you just want to listen to.

• 41:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:52Fortune Feimster?

  Give me your wisdom, you're so amazing.

• 41:55Mae Martin?

  If she doesn't have a book, she should, but I would, I would read that book.

• 41:58Tig Notaro?

  I was out to breakfast and this guy came up to me and introduced himself, saying he was Cheryl Lee Ralph's son. And I tell her, I'm like, you, I don't know what you did as a mother, but you.

• 42:15Tig Notaro?

  Had the perfect child. This guy was so, I was, I was like, of course you are Cheryl Lee's son. You know?

• 42:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 42:26Tig Notaro?

  He was just so handsome. He was so contained and pulled together and confident and comfortable with himself.

• 42:35Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 42:36Tig Notaro?

  And so smooth and a delight. I think about him all the time. And every time I told her when I saw her last, I was like, every time I go into that restaurant, I'm expecting to see your son. But she said something like, of course, that is, it's just the best as a parent to hear that. You know? And I remember feeling like, I hope that's how people feel when they meet my kids now and for the rest of time.

• 43:03Fortune Feimster?

  It's high praise.

• 43:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:05Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you guys are actually in luck because Cheryl submitted five different questions. And since it is Thanksgiving week, we thought we could have a little feast of question and answers, rapid fire style here at the end of this episode.

• 43:22Mae Martin?

  Yes, please.

• 43:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we're feeling very giving on this Thanksgiving week. So is Cheryl.

• 43:28Fortune Feimster?

  Thanksgiving is a special time.

• 43:33Tig Notaro?

  Go on.

• 43:34Fortune Feimster?

  Jimmy Walker used to say, Donald might, that's right. Adam Sandler.

• 43:42Speaker 04

  All right, now here's another question. Which part of your body do you love best?

• 43:50Mae Martin?

  I know mine.

• 43:51Tig Notaro?

  Ooh.

• 43:52Fortune Feimster?

  You okay?

• 43:53Mae Martin?

  It's my, it's the only, well, yeah, my hands, I like my hands.

• 43:57Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:58Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 43:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. How do you use those hands? What do you do with those hands, man?

• 44:03Tig Notaro?

  Where have those hands been?

• 44:05Mae Martin?

  You know, to have a, eat a grilled cheese, have a cigarette and a drink. You like your legs, right, Fortune?

• 44:10Fortune Feimster?

  I do. Thank you for knowing me so well. My gams would be.

• 44:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, your gams.

• 44:16Fortune Feimster?

  My numero uno, my friend. They've always been like crazy strong, but it's not like I'm in there doing leg lifts. I think it's just part of my, part of my body.

• 44:26Tig Notaro?

  It's what the good Lord gave you.

• 44:27Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 44:28Mae Martin?

  What about you, Tig?

• 44:29Tig Notaro?

  Well, you know, as I age, I'm losing it a bit, but I get compliments on my jawline.

• 44:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, you have a great jawline.

• 44:41Tig Notaro?

  Well, thank you. But I think just on a very surfacey level, I'm like, well, I get attention from my jawline, so I like that.

• 44:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I wonder if it's just the right person compliments you on one thing at the right time and you're like, oh, yeah, that's probably what happened with my hands. Probably my mom said I had nice hands when I was like five.

• 45:01Tig Notaro?

  You know who has really nice hands?

• 45:03Mae Martin?

  Who?

• 45:04Tig Notaro?

  Paul F. Tompkins.

• 45:06Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna have a look next time I see him.

• 45:08Tig Notaro?

  Next time you see Paul F. Tompkins, those are the best looking hands I've ever seen in my life.

• 45:15Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna go high five and then interlace my fingers quickly with his.

• 45:19Tig Notaro?

  But don't hurt him.

• 45:20Fortune Feimster?

  And then kiss him.

• 45:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, okay. Is there another one?

• 45:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, Cheryl answered this one.

• 45:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, let's hear what Cheryl's answer is.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  And my answer is, I love my waist. I love my waist because even when I gain weight proportionately, it stays small. So I love my waist. But I also love my lips. Because when I was young, they used to make fun of my lips. They used to call me liver lips and all kind of bad things. But now I look at my mouth and it's like, ooh, it's so in fashion. Everybody wants big lips.

• 45:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's amazing.

• 45:57Tig Notaro?

  I have no lips.

• 45:59Mae Martin?

  I don't have big lips either.

• 46:01Tig Notaro?

  No, like when I smile, somebody pointed this out to me years ago, that when I smile, what I do have disappears. Watch.

• 46:08Mae Martin?

  The upper lip goes inward?

• 46:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I have no lips.

• 46:13Mae Martin?

  My waist does not do that, so God bless her. That is, I'm good for her.

• 46:17Tig Notaro?

  God has blessed her.

• 46:18Mae Martin?

  God has blessed Cheryl, indeed.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  Hey, handsome pod, it's me, Cheryl Lee's still here. Tell me something about yourself that would actually blow my mind.

• 46:31Mae Martin?

  Oh, I would love to blow Cheryl's mind. That would actually, um, man, this is a tough one.

• 46:40Fortune Feimster?

  That is really tough.

• 46:41Tig Notaro?

  She's good at asking questions.

• 46:44Mae Martin?

  And we've mined the depths on this pod, so I'm trying to think of what would blow her mind specifically.

• 46:50Tig Notaro?

  Okay, maybe this would blow her mind.

• 46:52Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 46:59Tig Notaro?

  Up until about, and you have to understand, I basically was born smoking a cigarette and acting like the Fonz, okay? All right. Up until about sixth grade, I wore the frilliest underwear. Like lacy frilly underwear.

• 47:24Mae Martin?

  Wait, we've talked so much about Ponties. I never brought up your frilly Ponties.

• 47:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. So like, my mother, my grandmother got me this underwear. And it's just what I was used to wearing.

• 47:37Mae Martin?

  You just thought everyone wears lace?

• 47:39Tig Notaro?

  I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it. And so that was the underwear I wore.

• 47:45Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 47:46Tig Notaro?

  And continued to be gifted and, or given. And so I wore that and I remember when I was in like sixth grade, and I'm walking around smoking cigarettes in frilly lacy underwear. Nobody knows that secret.

• 48:05Mae Martin?

  And you're wearing like a t-shirt and jeans.

• 48:07Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, t-shirt and jeans and just like, the underwear essentially looked like I was wearing a bonnet.

• 48:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:14Tig Notaro?

  Like that, that is what the underwear looked like. And so I remember, I was in sixth grade. My mother got me new underwear that was not like my lacy bonnet underwear. And I asked her to get me the lacy underwear. And she said, sweetie, they don't make it for this age.

• 48:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. That is so funny. I know what I'm getting you for Christmas.

• 48:45Tig Notaro?

  So now I had to just move on to just, I just used very nude looking.

• 48:50Mae Martin?

  Regular Ponties?

• 48:52Tig Notaro?

  Regular female looking Ponties, but yeah. Yeah. So just wanted to blow everyone's mind, especially if you knew me.

• 49:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 49:00Tig Notaro?

  Up until sixth grade, under that whole, I'm too cool facade.

• 49:06Fortune Feimster?

  Was Anne of Green Gables.

• 49:08Tig Notaro?

  Was the most lacy frilly underwear. Like, there was lace and frilly across my, uh, my backside.

• 49:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 49:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 49:21Fortune Feimster?

  My mom used to sell those kind of frilly ponties.

• 49:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, we probably bought them.

• 49:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, she had a little, a little shop and they had those ponties. And I know exactly the frills you're talking about around the, like, cut. And she, but she even had ones that were, like, painted, like, hand painted.

• 49:39Tig Notaro?

  Mine were just white.

• 49:40Fortune Feimster?

  Bunnies or whatever on them.

• 49:42Tig Notaro?

  No bunnies for me.

• 49:45Fortune Feimster?

  That was a good one, Tig.

• 49:46Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 49:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 49:48Tig Notaro?

  I'm here to blow minds. Like, that's why we're here. We're here to share stories, reveal ourselves.

• 49:53Fortune Feimster?

  I don't have.

• 49:53Tig Notaro?

  Boom, who's next?

• 49:55Fortune Feimster?

  I don't have one that's gonna blow minds. Like, the only thing that's coming to my head is that, that seems kind of odd, is that when I was in college, I studied the Mayan ruins for a month in Mexico.

• 50:08Tig Notaro?

  You've already shared that.

• 50:10Fortune Feimster?

  I think, oh, I did. God, see? I don't have many blowing mind things about myself. I just thought that was so random that.

• 50:18Tig Notaro?

  What about, is there anybody that, um?

• 50:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, my mom sold ponties. That's gonna blow your mind. Yeah.

• 50:24Tig Notaro?

  I was gonna say, is there anybody that you've been attracted to that, like, surprised you?

• 50:31Fortune Feimster?

  Ja- I talked about that. James Gandolfini.

• 50:34Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, when he, he hugged you and you were like.

• 50:38Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like, am I straight? Am I have the hots for James Gandolfini?

• 50:42Tig Notaro?

  I, I've been attracted to somebody.

• 50:44Fortune Feimster?

  Laughing.

• 50:45Tig Notaro?

  I, I was, this is so, I, I don't know if I'm gonna share this.

• 50:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you have to now.

• 50:51Tig Notaro?

  I know. Um.

• 50:57Fortune Feimster?

  Oh God, what is happening?

• 50:59Tig Notaro?

  Of a, of a man that I was like, I don't know why I find him sexy.

• 51:07Fortune Feimster?

  This is recently?

• 51:08Tig Notaro?

  No, this was years ago. In fact, my ex-girlfriend about threw up.

• 51:13Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God.

• 51:14Tig Notaro?

  She was like, I cannot believe you think this guy is sexy. And I'm just gonna say it quickly and then we need to move on.

• 51:21Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, well, rapid fire anyway.

• 51:24Tig Notaro?

  Pitbull. Sorry.

• 51:27Fortune Feimster?

  No, I get it. I get it. Yeah, I get it. Mr. Worldwide?

• 51:31Mae Martin?

  I get it.

• 51:32Tig Notaro?

  I don't even know what that means, but two against one here. Why do you get it? Explain to me why I think he's sexy.

• 51:38Fortune Feimster?

  The bald guy that sings Dali?

• 51:41Tig Notaro?

  I don't know why. I'm so baffled. I think I'm blushing.

• 51:45Fortune Feimster?

  You don't know that his nickname is Mr. Worldwide?

• 51:47Tig Notaro?

  No, I'm not. I'm not like, I don't follow his stuff. I like saw him and I was like, God, is this guy sexy?

• 51:56Fortune Feimster?

  I think it's, um.

• 51:58Tig Notaro?

  It's the pretty little lady.

• 52:00Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 52:01Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, I appreciate it, May. I appreciate that you spoke of. What's more shock? Put that picture down. Go to YouTube.

• 52:11Tig Notaro?

  What's more shocking, that I wore lacy panties or that I thought Pitbull?

• 52:17Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, he does have swagger though. All right, May, next. We got, we're rapid fire. We're not doing it.

• 52:23Mae Martin?

  I think I would try to blow her mind by naming all the 197 countries of the world and she'd get bored halfway through.

• 52:28Tig Notaro?

  But you can do it.

• 52:29Mae Martin?

  I can do it.

• 52:30Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 52:30Fortune Feimster?

  Let's hear Cheryl's answer real quick. Rapid fire.

• 52:33Speaker 04

  And my answer is, I used to play first violin in the orchestra.

• 52:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  I remember it was junior high school and high school, first violin. Mr. Martindale led the orchestra. I was so good at the violin. Oh my gosh.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  Can I play it now? Hell no. But I was good.

• 52:55Fortune Feimster?

  There you go.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Yes, I was.

• 52:57Tig Notaro?

  I shared too much. I shared too much. I did. I shared too much.

• 53:01Fortune Feimster?

  It's all right. This is a, this is a sharing podcast.

• 53:03Tig Notaro?

  You know what? I'll be honest. I want. Pit bull to see me in lacy underwear.

• 53:08Mae Martin?

  Dolly.

• 53:09Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god, it's perfect. It's perfect.

• 53:13Mae Martin?

  Mr. Worldwide.

• 53:14Speaker 04

  Okay, and here's another question. Toilet paper, are you an over the top or under the bottom person? And I mean, people, they're very passionate about this.

• 53:26Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 53:26Speaker 04

  What are you?

• 53:27Tig Notaro?

  It's over the top. Over the top for me.

• 53:30Fortune Feimster?

  Over the top, yeah.

• 53:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:31Fortune Feimster?

  Really, I truly could not care less or ever notice it, but I, I appreciate that people

• 53:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my god, you have to have an opinion.

• 53:40Fortune Feimster?

  I fix it if it's not like that.

• 53:42Tig Notaro?

  You do?

• 53:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yes. Yeah, take it off the thing and turn it.

• 53:45Tig Notaro?

  It's disgusting if it's going the other way.

• 53:47Fortune Feimster?

  You can't be reaching under for it. When it's over the top, it lays just right.

• 53:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:52Fortune Feimster?

  But it's still, either way, it's touching the wall. Either way, you're wiping your butthole. Its purpose is very important. I, I want to get on board. I mean, that's all right. Two against one.

• 54:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's a bit more particular about it.

• 54:08Mae Martin?

  Cheryl's gonna be on your side, I think.

• 54:10Tig Notaro?

  For sure. She's a bright woman.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  My answer is, I'm an over the top.

• 54:16Tig Notaro?

  Yes, you are.

• 54:18Speaker 04

  I just want, when I do like that, that that toilet paper just comes right down. I don't want to have to search or reach. I want to know that it is right there.

• 54:28Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  In my name.

• 54:30Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yes.

• 54:32Fortune Feimster?

  But yeah, under the, under the thing, it always gets stuck. If it's not over the top and it's under, you're always having to reach up for it.

• 54:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. It's interesting that, you know, at the end here, Cheryl Lee Ralph says she's an over the top person for toilet paper and personality, huh?

• 54:50Fortune Feimster?

  Uh huh. And if you don't like it, do less.

• 54:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, find someone who wants less.

• 54:56Fortune Feimster?

  Less. Yeah. We want more, baby.

• 55:00Mae Martin?

  I think I'm gonna steal that. If you don't like it, if you think I'm too much, find less. I love that.

• 55:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, steal it.

• 55:06Fortune Feimster?

  Find less.

• 55:07Mae Martin?

  Well, that was a lovely episode, you guys.

• 55:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it really was. I love Cheryl Lee Ralph.

• 55:12Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 55:13Tig Notaro?

  She's amazing.

• 55:15Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna be at Largo in LA on December 4th. If you're around, come see me. There's gonna be a special guest. There's gonna be music, a festive vibe. Other than that, what are you guys up to?

• 55:26Tig Notaro?

  I'm just always doing shows at Comedy Bar in Toronto through February. Go to tignotaro.com for all tickets and all my information. I don't, I have nothing going on other than podcasting, filming Star Trek and working on my new material, which I guess is quite a lot.

• 55:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Yeah. My tour for next year is on sale. I'm coming to some fun cities. So go to fortuneofpeemster.com for those tickets and get ready. Cause next week, December 3rd, my special, Crushing It, will premiere on Netflix. And I would love for you guys to watch it. Also, don't forget to get your merch, your Handsome Pod merch. Lots of fun things up there. Handsomepod.com for that. And check in on Black Friday because we've never, we haven't really done this. There might be a special surprise on our site for you guys in honor of Black Friday.

• 56:23Mae Martin?

  I know, me and Tig have no idea what it is.

• 56:25Tig Notaro?

  I'm excited. I'll have to go check it out.

• 56:28Fortune Feimster?

  It's very rare for us. We don't do it very often and we wanted to do this for our handsome listeners.

• 56:33Tig Notaro?

  And two of the three hosts didn't even know we were doing it for the listeners.

• 56:38Fortune Feimster?

  That's what a big surprise it is. So on Black Friday, check it out. Handsomepod.com. You'll be very happy you did.

• 56:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And until next time, you should.

• 56:49Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it.

• 56:50Tig Notaro?

  Not, no, no.

• 56:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 56:52Tig Notaro?

  You should subscribe.

• 56:54Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 56:54Tig Notaro?

  Rate and review. Go to our YouTube channel and.

• 57:00Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 57:03Mae Martin?

  Happy Thanksgiving.

• 57:04Tig Notaro?

  Happy Thanksgiving.

• 57:05Mae Martin?

  Holiday. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 57:22Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast.

• 57:23Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 57:24Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast.

• 57:29Speaker 03

  That was a HeadGum podcast.

• 57:31Fortune Feimster?

  Handsoms, the audio version of my comedy special Hello Again is available everywhere just in time for the holidays. Go to Tignotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one now.

• 57:44Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 57:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 58:13Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 58:15Speaker 07

  And Hannah Simone.

• 58:16Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 58:38Speaker 07

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 58:50Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 59:02Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.