The Hidden Pattern Destroying Your Success (Delete Your Old Self) | Ed Mylett

What if the real breakthrough in your life isn’t about doing more, but finally letting go of what’s been holding you back from becoming who you already are? In this mashup episode, I brought together some of the most insightful minds I know to talk about something deeper than success. We’re talking about transformation at the identity level. Dr. Caroline Leaf breaks down how your thoughts are literally shaping your brain and your future, and how taking control of your mind is the first step toward taking control of your life. Jim Kwik reinforces that by showing you how upgrading your thinking patterns and mental habits can unlock levels of performance you didn’t even know were available to you. This isn’t surface level motivation. This is about rewiring who you believe you are. But it doesn’t stop there. Brooks Laich and Julianne Hough open up about the internal battles we all face when we’re chasing growth while still trying to heal. They share what it really looks like to confront your past, embrace vulnerability, and step into a more authentic version of yourself. Because the truth is, you can’t build a great life on top of a version of you that you haven’t made peace with yet. Real strength comes from doing that inner work, even when it’s uncomfortable. Then you’ll hear from Jamie Kern Lima and Stephen Scoggins, who both share powerful stories about overcoming self-doubt and finally believing they were worthy of success. That voice in your head telling you that you’re not enough is not the truth. It’s conditioning. And once you learn to challenge it, everything in your life begins to change. Awareness is the first step to taking your power back and removing the obstacles that have been quietly stealing your dreams. And what I love about this entire conversation is how Erwin McManus ties it all together. He reminds us that your life is not meant to be lived small or safe. You were created to become something extraordinary, but that requires courage. It requires stepping into uncertainty and choosing growth over comfort again and again. The gap between where you are and where you want to be is not talent. It’s the willingness to evolve. This episode is about identity, healing, and stepping into your true potential. If you’ve been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’re capable of more but not sure how to get there, this is the conversation you need right now. You don’t need to become someone new. You need to remove what’s been holding you back from being who you already are. Key Takeaways: How your thoughts are shaping your brain and your future, and how to take control of them Why upgrading your mindset is the fastest path to unlocking higher performance The role vulnerability plays in healing and building deeper connections How to break free from self-doubt and finally believe in your worth The hidden obstacles that silently hold you back from your dreams Why becoming your best self requires courage, growth, and stepping into uncertainty How to stop chasing external validation and start building internal confidence 👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ← ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠INSTAGRAM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠FACEBOOK⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LINKEDIN⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WEBSITE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 P.M. And my third day, 6:00 P.M. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time, too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it. Waiting weeks on a big bank for capital? Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff. Borrow better.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company, for me, of the explosion on our rig.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  On October 2nd.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess. And Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:18Speaker 03

  What would happen if I stopped going? You stall, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:25Speaker 03

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  This is The Ed Mylett Show.

• 1:40Ed Mylett?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow The Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm so excited about today's topic. It's probably the number one topic that I get asked about, which is the topic of self-sabotage. What do people do in their life, subconsciously and unconsciously, to sabotage their success or their happiness? Their results in general? I'm gonna let you in on a secret. I'm kind of an expert on this topic and not because I'm so perfect, but because I spent so much of my life sabotaging particular areas that I was making progress in.

• 2:21Ed Mylett?

  Whether that was in my financial success, I'd get some financial success or business success and then I'd sabotage it. Frankly, even really in my own personal happiness and peace, I'd feel like I'd get a little bit more bliss, a little bit more happiness, a little bit more peace in my life. Then I'd sabotage the results, even some relationships that I've had. I've sabotaged them. So I'm kind of an expert on this self sabotage thing. I also think I've probably come close to an expert on how to stop it and why it happens in the first place. So what I'm going to give you today is the gift of seven things people do to sabotage themselves. Their success, their happiness, their finances, their body, their relationships. I'm going to give you seven of them. But before I do that, because I think these seven things are symptoms that, in other words, when I outline them for you,

• 3:06Ed Mylett?

  if you're doing any of them or more than one of them, you're currently sabotaging something. So they're symptoms. But the root cause, the disease, is something that's never discussed when it comes to sabotage. And I want to cover that today. What's going on behind the scenes in our minds, subconsciously, unconsciously, that's causing us to sabotage things? Because if we can identify that, man, we've got a chance of eliminating all of these seven symptoms I'm going to share with you. And so here's how I look at sabotage. See, our lives are dictated. The most powerful force in our life is our personal identity. Our personal identity is like the thoughts, beliefs and concepts that we hold to be the most true about who we believe we are or what we're worth.

• 3:49Ed Mylett?

  It's a worthiness, but it's even more than that. It's a combination of our experiences, what we're familiar with, what we believe we're worth, our self-confidence. All combined creates our identity or who we believe we are. And our identity is very much like a thermostat setting on our lives. So like in the studio right now, it's set at 73 degrees. I checked it right before I started with you. And what's great about that is that thing set at 73 degrees, guess what's going on in this theater right now? 73 degrees is happening inside here. Here's why. The external conditions do not control the conditions of this studio. Right now, it's about 85 degrees outside. Externally, it's really hot out there, but in here, 73 degrees.

• 4:31Ed Mylett?

  Because what happens externally does not control what happens internally in this theater. And here's the story, same with your life. It's not the external things. It's not how other people are treating you or events going on in the world or events going on in your life or circumstances outside of your control that dictates your life. What dictates your life is that thermostat setting, your identity. Let me give you an example, and you've probably seen this before with yourself or friends of yours. See, you have multiple thermostat settings, by the way. You have an identity setting, a thermostat setting for your happiness, your finances, your success, your relationships, your physical body. You have multiple ones, your faith. Let's just take a few of them. Maybe you've had this happen before in your life,

• 5:13Ed Mylett?

  but if you have a 73 degrees success thermostat setting, right? And all of a sudden, your business is growing. You're at 80, 90, 95 degrees. Maybe you've got a promotion at work or you own your own business and it's growing. But somehow, a year later, it comes right back down to what it was before. Was it all the external conditions? Like if you go, oh, it's supply chain, interest rates went up, the economy changed. It's, it always seems like it, those things, but it never is. Because even in those conditions, some people are winning, some people are losing. What's happened is your success started to get higher than your thermostat setting. And it becomes unfamiliar to you. You're not used to it. So what do you do? You turn the air conditioner on subconsciously, unconsciously, and you cool your success back down to what you believe you're worth or your identity setting.

• 5:57Ed Mylett?

  You've seen this happen in, in your happiness level. You really believe, identity wise, you're 73 degrees of happiness. I, I know I've seen this for me, or peace of mind. Maybe you have a friend or you personally that, you know, they got in shit. They're 73 degrees of fitness or wellness or vitality, you know? And you see them and they, and they've lost weight. They're going to the gym, they look ripped and great. And you're like, my gosh, you dropped 20 pounds. You look incredible. And they're at 85, 90, 100 degrees of fitness. And then you don't see them for a while and you come back in a year and you notice, oh my gosh, they've, they've gained all the weight back, maybe even plus three or four, five pounds. What happened? Because although they changed their workout and their diet, they didn't change the internal thermostat setting.

• 6:40Ed Mylett?

  And so at some point eventually, they subconsciously cooled it back down and they get the body they believe they deserve and they're worth. Maybe you've seen this in a relationship. You have a friend who's just their love thermostat is 73 degrees of love in their relationships. Or how much they're going to allow themselves to enjoy. And then they've got this new person, this guy or girl they're seeing. You, you go to dinner with them, they're so happy, they're all lovey dovey, they're at 90, 100 degrees. He or she is perfect for me, they're my soulmate, they're amazing. You're like, oh my gosh, they finally found 100 degrees of love. But if inside, there's still a 73 degreeer. You come back in a year, maybe you haven't seen him and you're like, hey, what happened to so and so? Oh, it didn't work out, we grew apart, we had different values, it just didn't click long term, they cheated, whatever it might be.

• 7:25Ed Mylett?

  What happened was, you turned the air conditioner on of your life and you cooled it back down to what you believe you're worth. So this identity, this thermostat setting dictates everything. So if we can change that thermostat setting, and by the way, there's lots of ways we do it. In my book, The Power of One More, I have entire chapters on how do you elevate your thermostat setting? I recommend you go get The Power of One More, but I'll give you a few of them today. You always hear, you're really the five people you hang around the most. Well, why that matters is because people that you hang around that have thermostat settings higher than yours will heat you up somewhere in between their setting and yours. Let me give you an example of what I mean. You can't possibly be, if you're a 73 degree fitness person, you're a little bit out of shape,

• 8:05Ed Mylett?

  but you're hanging around and going to dinner and working out with people that are 100, 120 degrees of fitness and wellness and vitality. They will heat you up somewhere between where you're 73 and their 120 is, because you're eating with them, you're working out with them. See, progress is influence, proximity is influence. So they heat you up. Same thing in your success. If you start running around, you're 73 degree person of success, you're just kind of right down here. But all of a sudden, you start hanging around people that are at 90, 100, 120 degrees. You've got mentors and friends that are 120, 150, they heat you up by proximity. So there's faith, there's association, and there's intention. These are three things I call the trilogy of increasing one's identity. So association is a big one.

• 8:48Ed Mylett?

  So that's why it's important to evaluate, who are you hanging around? Do they just make you feel good? Do they validate your thermostat settings? Or do they increase your thermostat settings? So identity is a major, major root cause disease of self sabotage. And again, we're going to cover the seven symptoms in a minute. The other thing to evaluate is in our life, remember this, we like to move towards what's familiar. And we all want to have a sense of self-control in our life. So we move towards what's familiar and we don't like the feeling of being out of control. So I'm going to submit to you something that maybe you've never heard before. You probably have never heard the thermostat analogy, but I'm giving you another one.

• 9:28Ed Mylett?

  Maybe the reason you self sabotage is because it allows you to predict the future. It allows you to predict what's going to happen, which is giving you the illusion of self-control. Think about that again. Maybe the reason you're self sabotaging is because it allows you to predict what's actually going to happen. Because it's going to become familiar and it gives you this illusion of self-control. Maybe that's what's going on behind the scenes. This identity thing where we cool it back down. Because we don't like to go to the unfamiliar. We don't like to move where we've never been before. And so self sabotage allows our lives to become predictable. Because they'll stay the way they've always been. Isn't that interesting?

• 10:11Ed Mylett?

  Now, what are seven symptoms of the two diseases I just described? Number one thing that people do that sabotage themselves, and this is in no order, but I'm going to give you seven of them. Number one thing they do, they focus on the past. They focus on the past. They look backwards a lot. You know, there's this analogy that the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason. Because you should be looking through the windshield. But the truth is, the inside of the car that you're sitting in, the present place you're sitting is even bigger than the windshield. And I can tell you that people that are growing, that aren't sabotaging themselves, spend very little time looking in the rear view mirror. They spend some time looking in the windshield forward, but they spend a lot of time fully present at where they are. And if you're looking in the past all the time, you're going to repeat it.

• 10:54Ed Mylett?

  If you're looking in the past, the reason you look back there is it's familiar. The reason you can look back there is you can predict it. The reason you look back there is you've tied a story to it that you're very familiar with. And so people that self sabotage, keep looking to the past and wonder why they can't move into their future. Or every time they step into a new future, they end up sabotaging it because you're bringing the past with you because you focus there. Stop focusing on the past or you're going to be sabotaging. And if you are focusing on the past, you're in the middle of sabotaging something right now. It could be your relationship, your success, your finances, your body, your faith, your emotions. But if you focus on the past, you're going to get more of it. And by the way, even if you're reminiscing about a past that somehow you've created a story that's better than your future.

• 11:37Ed Mylett?

  All you're doing is reinforcing the negative emotions of what you have now. Second thing that people do that self sabotage, they focus on what they don't have. They focus on the lack of things. People that focus on lack end up replicating it and getting more of what they don't want to have. When you focus on what you don't have, the relationship you don't have, the body you don't have, that you're not as beautiful as you want to be, or as tall as you want to be, or as smart as you want to be. Or you don't have the connections or the relationship or the degree. Or what you think is the notoriety, or the followers on Instagram, or the friends, or whatever it might be. When you focus on what you don't have, I promise you, that's a symptom of somebody who's in the midst of sabotaging something in their life, or who is going to. Let's just already look at this.

• 12:20Ed Mylett?

  You focus on the past, you focus on what you don't have. You are already turning the air conditioners on of your life. Even if it hasn't shown up in the result yet, it's about to because you're cooling things back down again. The third thing that people that sabotage themselves do is they compare. They compare themselves to other people. Remember this comparison is the thief of joy. But they also do something really interesting. They don't just compare themselves to other people. By the way, let's just stay on that for a second. You're comparing yourself typically to the most filtered, sanitized version of most people's lives, which is what you see on social media. They've taken 900 pictures to post that one, then they threw a filter on it, right?

• 13:02Ed Mylett?

  And you're comparing what is going on in your real life to the lives of other people. And by the way, I'm going to tell you something. I was at dinner the other night, about two nights ago. And I observed this family that was a couple of tables down from us. And man, it was just one of those nights. We've all had that in our family. Nobody was getting along. The kids were screaming. Mom and dad were mad at each other, saying some nasty things, yelling at the kids. One of the, the daughter had hit the son. You know, we've all had something like that happen, but it was a really difficult night for that family. And man, they were going at it. And it was not a pleasant evening. It was not a joyful dinner. There was not a lot of bliss, not a lot of peace. And I remember the little girl actually hit her little brother and he started crying and the dad said something he shouldn't have said.

• 13:46Ed Mylett?

  Then the mom was mad at the dad for what he said to the child. And then the server came over and they said, would you take a picture of our family? And then all of a sudden, all the noise, all the chaos, all the anger, all the frustration stopped. And it was sitting on daddy's lap, you smiled. And then they took a picture for four seconds. Hey. And it was like this blissful, joyous picture that in no way, I'm sure they posted, in no way represented what was actually going on in that family at any given time during that dinner. It was four seconds of a fake picture of emotions that weren't taking place. But imagine if you saw that picture of that amazing family and the minute you see it, you compare it to your family and the mess that you think it is right now. Or the great time, every, doesn't it seem like everyone on social media is on vacation?

• 14:29Ed Mylett?

  Everyone's partying, everyone's somewhere cool, everyone's got great friends, everyone looks amazing, everyone's happy. And then there's you in your real life. That's one way that people compare. Maybe you compare to the, the, the version, the mask that most people wear in front of you of how happy and successful and confident they are. And you're comparing their confidence and success, the mask they're wearing to how you really feel. You know what's the most unfair thing you can do to a relationship that's mature? Where you've been in it for four, five, six, seven years, or 10 years or 20 years? One of the most unfair things you can do is to compare that time that you're in currently in your relationship to the first six months. Or the first year when everything was new, everything was blissful. You were getting to know one. Everyone was on their best behavior. You had no negative memories at that time.

• 15:14Ed Mylett?

  And you compare your current relationship with someone to the exact same relationship you had with them, except when it started. Or worse, you compare the relationship you're into a previous one you had with another person. It doesn't even need to be another person. It could just be another time with the same person. None of that is fair. Maybe you're comparing your life right now to five years ago, or eight years ago, or when you were in this, or that, or this career, or that job. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't compare yourself to other people. Don't compare yourself to their sanitized versions on social media, the masks they wear. And don't compare your life to another time in your life, or a relationship to another relationship, or even the current relationship in a just a different time in that relationship. You're getting ready to sabotage your relationship,

• 15:59Ed Mylett?

  your success, your happiness, your emotions if you compare. So so far, people that sabotage focus on the past. They focus on what they lack or don't have, and they compare. The fourth thing people do that sabotage themselves is they focus on things they can't control, instead of the things they can control. There's a lot of different things you can't control. You can't control other people. You can't control their behavior. You can't control the market. You can't control interest rates. You can't control what's going on in the world around you. You know, one of the great distractors in life that steals people's joy is the media. The media is constantly feeding you things that you cannot control, that you ought to be very upset about. And many of the things that you see, you should be upset about.

• 16:43Ed Mylett?

  There's so many things going on in the world that are tragic and hurtful and disgusting and make you wonder about humanity. And you should spend some of your time focusing on those things and trying to make a difference for them. But at the same time, if you obsess in that world in the media of all things you can't control, all of them, you begin to become habitual about focusing on other things you can't control in your life, and you're going to sabotage your own life. You're going to. Don't focus on people, things, events that you cannot control. Now, there are things you can have some influence over by speaking out and having an opinion. You understand the difference that I'm making here. You know exactly what I mean. But what I am saying is, when you become somebody who repetitively and habitually constantly focuses on events,

• 17:26Ed Mylett?

  people, things, circumstances that you cannot control, here's what I do know. You can't control other people. If you think you're going to control that person you're in a relationship with, you're going to sabotage it. If you think you're going to control that client or customer of yours, you're going to control the conditions of the world, you're going to control the market, you're going to control politics in the world, you're going to have a life that's probably going to have a lot of self sabotage. So don't do that. Influence it, be informed, but don't try to control. This episode is sponsored by Ro. A lot of people assume GLP-1's cost a fortune, and that assumption keeps them from even looking into treatment. Ro helps people find a more affordable path to FDA-approved GLP-1 treatment. Ro wants to help people lose weight. That's why they have more affordable GLP-1 options, whether you're paying with insurance or cash.

• 18:11Ed Mylett?

  Ro's free insurance checker makes it easy to see if you're covered for GLP-1 injections. Just submit your insurance card and Ro handles the rest. No paperwork, no waiting on hold, no confusing phone calls. And if insurance doesn't cover treatment, there are still options. Ro offers the lowest-cost cash-pay FDA-approved GLP-1s, such as daily pills and multi-dose pens. I use products by Ro, and you should too. Go to ro.co/mylet to see if you qualify. That's R-O dot C-O slash my let to get started on Ro. For side effects of GLP-1 medications, including boxed warning, go to ro.co forward slash safety, ro dot C-O slash safety. So when I end, when I ended up buying the island, we had to do all of our outdoor decorating,

• 18:55Ed Mylett?

  and I spent a fortune in the first half of the place. And I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore, but I want the best stuff. And that's where Wayfair came in. My wife wanted to get this new garden bed, and Wayfair was the place that offered the perfect solution. Wayfair also helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Wayfair verified products are hand-vetted by product specialists. They use a 10-point quality inspection system. Here's what I can tell you. The stuff has lasted over time, it looks great, and I get compliments on it. Shop thousands of products across every style and budget, whether you're trying to refresh your space for fall or transform your space for Halloween. Use filters, custom photos, and reviews to find the right fit for your home. More than 20 million verified five-star reviews, 20 million. So transform your space with the pieces that hold up to real life.

• 19:38Ed Mylett?

  Join Wayfair Rewards today and get 5% back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 19:54Ed Mylett?

  Roll it. Fifth thing that people do who self sabotage, they get discouraged. You know, as a believer, as a faith based person, I believe there's an adversary. And I believe the adversary's number one weapon he will use against you in your life to get you to sabotage your life is to get you discouraged. If I can just get you down, I don't have to get you to completely fail. That's the easy way. I just need to get you discouraged. I need you to lose an account. I need you to miss a sale if I'm the adversary. I just need someone to say something mean or negative to you. I just need a couple let downs to happen. If I can get you discouraged, you'll sabotage the rest of it for me. If I'm the adversary. So people that sabotage themselves, they get discouraged. And what discouraged mean is they lack courage.

• 20:39Ed Mylett?

  Discouraged. So the antidote to that is to stay courageous, is to feel fear and step into it anyway, is to feel the rejection and move forward. Is to have the sale not won or the clothes not happen and learn from it and grow from it rather than be discouraged from it. So the fifth thing is people that sabotage themselves get discouraged. The sixth thing they do, they get distracted. They don't focus on the things they can control and they get distracted. They get distracted by social media, they get distracted by the media, they get distracted by what other people are doing. They get distracted by habits that don't serve them. One thing I would encourage you to do is make a list of the things that typically distract you.

• 21:21Ed Mylett?

  There's three or four things that constantly distract you from where you're going or what you want. If you're in a relationship, maybe it's being distracted with other people. If you're in business, it's being distracted with the media or social media. It may be in the gym and you're not training as hard as you want to because you're distracted by watching television instead of getting up and going for your workout. Whatever the thing is that distracts you. Make a list of those things and do everything you can to eliminate or reduce them and self sabotage. These symptoms begin to go away. Remember, these are the symptoms of the greater disease of the thermostat and the illusion of control. And then seven, believe it or not, one thing that people do that gets a lot of self sabotage in their life is they get A little bit of success. They just get a taste of success.

• 22:06Ed Mylett?

  And that taste of success, they cool it. In other words, if it's in their business life, they get a little bit of progress. They get a promotion at their job, or if they own a business, they've grown their income. They've they're at a level they weren't ever at before, just a little bit of success. Man, you'll start to sabotage things a little bit. I'm amazed when I watch this, but people that get a little bit of progress in their business and then they cool it. They don't make the same effort that got them that little bit of success. Let me say that to you again. The very thing, the effort you made, the behavior, the relentless pursuit that got you that little taste of success. You stop doing or reduce the amount of the thing that got you the success in the first place. And now you're sabotaging the very success you got.

• 22:46Ed Mylett?

  Believe it or not, one of the big instigators of self sabotage is a little bit of progress, a little bit of success. You cool it. Literally, you cool down your life with the thermostat setting. That term, Dan, don't cool it. Doesn't just mean stop your activity. Cool it means you've cooled the life back down, the success back down, the body back down, the emotions back down. You've started to cool it down because guess what? That little bit of success is unfamiliar. And now you want that illusion of control that I talked about in the beginning. I'm going to get this back to what I'm used to because I can control it, I can predict it. So it's subconscious, but you literally stop doing the things that got you the little bit of success.

• 23:31Ed Mylett?

  The very thing you would think we would all, wouldn't we as adults go? Well, I did this, this and this, it got me that result. I will do more of it to get more success. But most people, once they get a little bit of progress, a little bit of success, not only not even do the same amount, they do less of it. They celebrate too long, they cool it down, they do less of the very activity that produced the result in the first place. And it becomes this like chasing their tail thing. Where they do something to produce a result or an emotion or something in their body. And then they do less of it, take your body. Maybe you ate a particular way for three or four months, amount of calories, amount of protein, amount of hydration, right? Amount of cardio. The way you lifted it produced a change.

• 24:14Ed Mylett?

  Then you get that change and not only do you not do the same amount, you should be doing more of it. You do less of it and sabotage the result. Or in business, there's a certain amount of contacts and phone calls or emails or posts you made to produce that little bit of progress and success. You get the success and rather than doubling down and doing more of it, or at least the same amount of it, you do less of it or none of it and sabotage the very progress that you made. That is the absolute manifestation of turning the air conditioner on and cooling your life back down. So let's review these seven symptoms of the disease of self sabotage. Focus on the past. Focus on what you don't have. Compare.

• 24:59Ed Mylett?

  Focus on everything you can't control. Get discouraged. Get distracted. And have a little bit of success. Those seven things are symptoms of people who are probably going to sabotage their lives. Why? Because they haven't increased their thermostat setting, their identity setting to 85, 90, 100. See, you can acquire all the skills to be successful, all the tools. Man, you can have the Ferrari of talents or the Ferrari of opportunities. But if you're driving a Honda of an identity, you're going to get Honda results. No offense to Honda, but you know exactly what I mean. Right? The truth of the matter is you've got to find a way to increase that thermostat setting. And that's through your faith, by focusing on your intentions and through your associations.

• 25:42Ed Mylett?

  Let those people around you heat you up. One thing to evaluate. And we talked about comparing and lack and focusing on the past. I'm going to ask you a question. What about the people you hang around the most? If you took a look at the last 90 days of your four or five best friends, when you're around them, when you talk with them, how much of the conversations are about the past? Remember this, remember that time, remember when we were there, you remember, you remember. Right? Is there a lot of that? Because if that is the case, you're just reinforcing the past. Or maybe you focus on what you don't have, or maybe they gossip about other people, or they're comparing to other people. Maybe they're constantly talking about what's going on in the world or around you,

• 26:26Ed Mylett?

  or things they can't control. Maybe they help you get distracted. And when you start to evaluate the people that are around you, I can just tell you something. I've had lots of friends in my life that I've added, some toxic people I've had to eliminate. But my best friends get me focusing in the present moment or on where I'm going. And we spend very little time talking about the past. And I'm blessed that many of my friends have incredible pasts at this stage of my life. They could talk about the Super Bowls they won, or the millions of dollars they made, or the company they built and sold, or the amazing family they've raised. They spend very little time talking about the past, even when it's incredible. They're focused in the present moment, or they're looking through that windshield going to the future. They spend very little time.

• 27:09Ed Mylett?

  But if most of the conversations you have with the people around you are on the past, you remember this, remember that party, remember that time, remember this thing, remember that vacation? Remember that time? Maybe they compare to other people, maybe they gossip about other people. Maybe they focus on what they don't have. Maybe they are constantly reinforcing that you're enough right where you're at. You know, that's one of the things that's frustrating to me is this notion that you're enough right where you're at. Well, yes, you need to accept who you are, but there ought to be this part of you that's hungry to grow. I want my friends not to accept me as I am, but to have high expectations of where I'm going. I want them to love me as I am, but believe I'm capable of more. I don't want them to accept where I'm at. I want them to love me, but not accept where I'm at. In fact, I want them to not accept it.

• 27:52Ed Mylett?

  I want them to expect success, expect progress from me, but love me where I am. Believe in me where I am. I want people around me that see me as I could be, not as I am. And the more you have those people in your life, the less likely you are to sabotage your life. All right, we covered a lot of things today. I want to remind you of one thing. You were born to do something great with your life. And here's the cool part. You have everything within you right now that you need to make your dreams come true. And you belong in your dreams. Let me say that to you again. You belong in your dreams. And if you can stop sabotaging your progress, your emotions, your body, your relationships, your finances, you're going to be there. And so it's a matter of curing that disease and keeping an eye on these seven symptoms.

• 28:37Ed Mylett?

  Once you're aware of your thoughts, they lose their power over you. You become an observer of your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. In fact, not everybody and everything you think is true. I think a lot of things that aren't true and I challenge my own thinking, my own emotions from time to time. And when you get above them and you observe your own thoughts, you go, my gosh, I'm trying to control this. I'm moving to the past. It's all familiar to me. I'm going to focus in the present and project into the future. You can totally change your life because you belong there. You do not belong repeating the past. You do not belong discouraged. You do not belong comparing. You do not belong focusing on the things you don't have. You should

• 29:18Ed Mylett?

  not be focusing constantly on what you can't control. You have no business being discouraged. Don't allow yourself to be distracted. And when you get that little taste of success, get hungrier for more because it's great. Progress is power. That's what you were born to do is to grow and expand. I've said this many times. I am most focused on the expansion of my being. And I'd love you to be focused on that. Get focused on the expansion of you, of your emotions, of your understanding, of your life, of your learning, of the difference you can make, the contributions you can have, the experiences and memories that you can currently have and the ones that are coming your way, not on the ones that already happened. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far.

• 30:00Ed Mylett?

  Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. All right, welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm so excited to have this guest here today. By the way, she's made a huge sacrifice. She's, at the time of recording this, there's a storm where she lives in Texas. Snow's rolled in. There's no power. She went and got a hotel room so that we could do this today. So if you see the background, that's where she is. And you wouldn't know it from the background, but this is one of the most remarkable people I've ever talked to in my life. I had the great honor of being on her show. She's a cognitive neuroscientist, which just even saying those things is a miracle that I can get that out of my mouth, never mind understand what it is. She's one of the most brilliant people you're ever going to meet in your life. She's a bestselling author. She's got a PhD in Communication

• 30:45Ed Mylett?

  Pathology. She's brilliant. And you're going to write a bunch of notes today. I mean, like a bunch of notes. So Dr. Caroline Leaf, thank you for being here and making the sacrifice to be here today.

• 30:55Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  Ed, I wouldn't have missed this. Thank you so much for that lovely introduction. And I just absolutely love talking to you. We had the most amazing talk on when I interviewed you, and I think you're incredible as well. So thank you.

• 31:06Ed Mylett?

  I'm a big believer that identity drives so much of our lives. And you being, I've heard you talk about this briefly, but- You know, I think we all are trying to become consistent with whatever this identity is that we think we hold for ourselves. And sometimes the lack of an identity is unbelievably detrimental to someone's life. And I've heard you talk about this, being from South Africa and watching what they tried to do with Mandela. And, and so could you speak for a minute about the power that identity has over us? And a little bit of how we can at least be more aware of the identity we hold and how we can change it to serve us if we need to.

• 31:44Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  Love your question. That's brilliant and it's so important. Um, yes, I grew up, I was born in Zimbabwe and that had enough, that country alone had enough problems and still has. And then grew up in South Africa and all my kids were born there. I've been in the States now for thirteen years. So I was in South Africa in the apartheid era and the transition and the post. And so by the time I was, had my first child, my second child, that Mandela came into power, we actually, I was carrying my bay newborn baby and in the, to go vote for Mandela, literally, and with our, with our housekeeper and you know, that's how significant that is in my, in my lifetime. But I was working in the pre-apartheid, if the pre-transition, in the, I mean, the apartheid era.

• 32:28Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  And it was horrific. I, I chose to, I worked across all socioeconomic strata and different political areas. So from the riches of the rich to the poorest of the poor, education, corporate. And I spent three days a week working in the, what they called the townships, which were areas that they had to apartheid separated out, absolutely evil. And the reason I chose to, to work in all the different environments was to understand mind and humanity. So wherever you are, whatever you in, how does this work and how can we, how can we use our mind to help us cope with all these different circumstances? So in terms of identity, absolutely, what you experience um, in your nurturing and in your, and in the environment that you grew up in, is definitely going to affect how you see yourself.

• 33:10Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  Because every experience is, is converted through think field choose into brain. So you can imagine a massive forest, which is your non-conscious mind, inner end. And that massive forest is filled with all different shapes and sizes of trees. And in between the green trees, you've got these little black trees and maybe there's a big clump and maybe there's a little one and some trees are little and some green, little black trees from a recent experience and some very big ones from a long established experience. So something like racism would be a very Very dominant cluster of dark black trees, using the warning signal of all the anxiety and the stress and the terrible things that come from something

• 33:50Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  as evil as racism, which is pervasive and affecting ability to actually how you see yourself. And so every bit of nurturing is built into your brain, every experience is built into your brain. So this forest is influencing, in the middle of the forest, just to give a visual, we have this wide full of optimism bias. So always expanded like a strip of trees that are perfect. In the middle of the forest, there's this untouched area that's just perfect. And that's we want, we want to really access that. So if you're flying your helicopter, which is you in life, you're flying your helicopter and you kind of, if you, as you develop self-regulation, you don't just fly your helicopter and bash into a tree and crash, which is what you, we do a lot of, that's messy, we want, we want to know how to not do that. So self-regulation teaches us how to fly with the pilot and co-pilot.

• 34:33Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  So we're flying over this forest and we're looking at where, whatever, whatever smoke signals are coming up, where the signals, and if you see there, that there's so much of that particular type of black cluster of trees, dark, and that's influencing how you see yourself, your identity's been affected. But if you look at all, if you really dig deep and you'll see the middle part of the forest, which is you, it's Ed, who can do something else that no one else can do. But there's these traumatic experiences that are affecting identity. So they can block and they can become so big that they can actually build like a black wall against the green forest. So it's almost hard to see who you really are because you're so busy and being involved in that, that you're stuck in that cluster.

• 35:16Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  So that's why I say you've got, self-regulation is not sitting and walking amongst those trees and getting lost, which is what we do, but it is actually getting in the helicopter and flying above and saying, okay, self-regulate, what am I doing? What, what's, what, why? And, and you, and the only way you can get to the trees and the forest and all that stuff is by looking at the warning signals. So these we track. And then, so then you pay attention, gather awareness of four basic signals. The first is the emotional. So let's say that you're feeling a high state of anxiety, that could be all depression. Now, depression and anxiety are not it's, they're not illnesses. To say you have clinical depression or clinical anxiety is one of the most unscientific statements of our age and has created a huge problem where people are now.

• 35:58Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  Way backing way more with mental health, not because mental health is on the rise, but because the mismanagement of mental health is on the rise. We're not allowing people to talk about the story in the forest. We're just saying, oh, signal of depression, five symptoms, you can't sleep, you can't get out of bed, you're feeling, um, whatever, suicidal, all of that, okay. Diagnosis, label, treatment is mainly medication at the current stage is the gold standard. Some therapy if you're lucky, okay. And that's very often the therapy is putting a Band-Aid on the wound because they don't deal with the whole origin story. That's terrible. What we have to do is we have to say, okay, so there is the signal. There is this emotion of depression, it's consistent in your life, or anxiety, or both.

• 36:39Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  Very often it's comorbid together and terror and despair and anger and a whole bunch of others. It's never just one. So all of this is giving you power and giving you control, shifting the power balance. When you do this gather in this way, and I'll finish the other three in a moment. You are making fourteen hundred neurophysiological responses work for you and not against you. Your blood vessels around your heart are dilating, which is sending blood flow and oxygen to your brain. That's increasing your ability to think more creatively. It's decreasing impulsivity, I can go on and on and on. So then, now my body is in a state of healing. But when I suppress it, if I don't gather awareness, if I just suppress it, my fourteen hundred neurophysiological responses will work against me.

• 37:22Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  So now my blood vessels around my heart, for example, one of the fourteen hundred will constrict. That means less blood flow, less oxygen to the brain, increased impulsivity, decreased cognitive flexibility. That's just a few. There's a, um, a lot more, but I'm just giving a few not to overwhelm. So I, I, I stay in a state of increased vulnerability to disease by seventy five to ninety eight percent if I don't gather awareness. But if I gather awareness, I shift at the moment I gather awareness in milliseconds. I've gone from brain damage to brain healing in seconds, in milliseconds. It's phenomenal. This is how important mind management is.

• 37:57Ed Mylett?

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• 38:42Ed Mylett?

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• 39:25Ed Mylett?

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• 39:57Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  So then I gather, and this is not hard, it is hard, but it's not hard. It's hard because we, we have got very, we just wanted, we want quick fixes. There's no quick fix when it comes to mine. This is a lifestyle. So you gather awareness of your emotional stuff, the depression, anxiety, label it, be specific. And then you're going to gather awareness of your physical state, heart flching, GI symptoms, tension in your shoulders. What is physically going on alongside this emotional stuff? Could be a series of things. There's no. There's no cookie cutter, anything. You unique, you you have a unique signal guide. Then you're going to look at your behavioral signals. In other words, what are you doing? How are you speaking? How are you, how are you connecting with others? How are you doing your work? How you just with yourself, all the behaviors? How you speaking? How you whatever? What's your creativity like?

• 40:42Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  So what are your behaviors when you're in this state? And then you're going to go to your perspective. As I start getting specific about looking at these emotional, physical and behavioral warning signals, I'm actually looking at the branches. I'm looking at this, these, because they're memories. The thought tree is made of memories. So I'm, the signals have drawn me in and those have been these, what I've just described. But now, as I land my tree, I'm starting to look a little closer at these signals. And so now, I also want to look at what my perspective is. What is the tree trunk? What's the perspective of, what's this giving me? Life sucks, or I hate life, or it's not worth living, or there's just no purpose, or what's the? Then you start that. So by the time you've done that, you've objectively gathered all these apples in your basket. You control them.

• 41:25Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  Now you go to looking at the detail. What is, does this mean? What's the data? That's when you reflect. So reflect is ask, answer, discuss. Ask, answer, discuss. Put the thoughts on trial. Do that autopsy, that mental brain surgery without the blood. Why? And then you answer, why? And you discuss, why? And you dig, dig, dig. Anyway, so when you write, you can write in lines, but I would recommend you learn how to make a metacog. It is unbelievable. In therapy, when I used to still practice, we would have people battling with schizophrenia, which is not a disease. It is a broken mind. It is someone who's gone through so much trauma that they're disassociating. Their mind's disassociated. It's a symptom of an underlying trauma. And very often, they can get multiple personalities because it's coping, it's pure survival.

• 42:09Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  So the system of the neurocycle, in the extreme form, we would use that. And by the time we got to writing, I could show, I could have a subject who had split their personality, their minds because of trauma. As they're writing onto the medic in the medical, which is a pattern in the mid middle on branches, like a tree, like a branch grows, each branch grows out the previous branch and leaves are growing on the branches. That's what you do. You grow branches and you put your words on the branches and you you just like literally pour your brain on paper. As we did this, we would the the sub patients would actually see, oh, same kind. They're talking about the same thing, but suddenly there's three different perspectives. The fourth step is then to recheck. It's to look at what you've written. The third step's messy. It's like words all over the place. The fourth step is where

• 42:52Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  you start connecting. What are the patterns? What is the antidote? What is the what do I need to reconceptualize, see it differently? It's if you use an algebraic example, we all probably remember X plus Y equals Z, even if we didn't understand it. I'm sure all of us can recall X plus Y equals Z. And the concept there is that X plus Y creates something kind of new that's over. It's like sort of replaces. I'm not saying that. I'm saying X plus Y equals X Y. Reconceptualization is X Y. Because it's your story that you don't want to just is Z. I'm putting a Band-Aid on. I'm not fixing the issue. And that's what if you just if you just do like 10 CBT, you know, cognitive behavior therapy, not that I'm saying it's bad. You can use CBT, but CBT fits in step five. If you want it

• 43:35Dr. Caroline Leaf?

  to work for you, you've got to first find out what's going on. And then you but if you just or positive affirmations, people use, they're feeling terrible or they want to achieve a goal, 10 of those in the morning, 10 at night, they it's a Band-Aid. It's not going to be sustainable because you have to find out what you what are you trying to drown with the affirmation. So you want the affirmation to work, you have to go through the neuro cycle, then the affirmation will work as a first step. You know, that's how you've got to change perspective.

• 44:00Ed Mylett?

  That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest.

• 44:11Stephen Scoggins?

  Hey, I want to jump straight in. Um, you know, I I've had a chance to to to get through all the way through Power One More. I got to be honest with you. It's by far one of my best books this year that I've been through. I haven't seen so much packed into one set of bookends in I don't know how long.

• 44:27Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, it's a lot.

• 44:28Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah. Well, one of the things that stuck out to me is this intention is the currency of identity or changing your identity.

• 44:36Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 44:37Stephen Scoggins?

  Explain that to everybody because I thought that was powerful.

• 44:39Ed Mylett?

  Well, I didn't learn. It's not mine. I learned it from Wayne Dyer. Actually, I probably have made it my own, but many, many years ago, I was running on a beach in Hawaii. I met Wayne Dyer. He ran by me. We ended up sitting on the beach together for about an hour and a half. I was very young. If you don't know who Wayne Dyer is, Google him. He's one of the icons of, you know, thought leadership. Anyway, when we were done, he goes, Ed, you're going to change the world. And I don't know if he said that to a lot of people or not, but to me, it was incredible.

• 45:02Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah.

• 45:02Ed Mylett?

  And he goes, and you're just this big brain, the way you speak and make people feel things. And, you know, you're very talented man. And he goes, would you, but that's not why. And I said, well, he goes, and please never base your self-confidence on or your identity on your abilities or your achievements. I went, well, what the heck are you supposed to base it on then? And he said, in your case, your intentions, you have a warm, huge, beautiful heart. You want to help people. And your intentions are so huge. They're so beautiful that that's why you're going to change the world. Always focus on your intention. There's a power to intentions. He happened to be writing a book by that title at the time. Long story short, it was the first time someone had complimented me where I believed it.

• 45:39Stephen Scoggins?

  Hmm.

• 45:39Ed Mylett?

  I've never believed I was that smart or that special or that talented, but I did know I had a good heart. And so since that day, for the most part, man, even preparing for something like this today, my confidence, my identity comes from my intention to serve, my intention to make a difference. So many people are chasing that tale of once I'm achieving something, once I'm really great, then I'll have confidence. That's not where mine comes from. Mine comes from intention and that's what I recommend in the book.

• 46:01Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah. No, I love that. You know, it's, it's interesting to me. I was just thinking through that, you know, we didn't get a chance because the event was so busy. We didn't get a chance to, to spend a lot of time together, but you and I have a lot of similarities in our, in our backstories.

• 46:12Ed Mylett?

  You told me that, but I don't know what they are. Yeah.

• 46:14Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah. So my father was an alcoholic for a number of years and I watched him really struggle back and forth to try to get a handle on it.

• 46:22Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 46:23Stephen Scoggins?

  And, um, you know, when I was thinking through the intentions, I remember him actually having a similar conversation, uh, that your dad had with you. I'm going to try one more time.

• 46:33Ed Mylett?

  Really? Wow.

• 46:34Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah. And, uh,

• 46:35Ed Mylett?

  Did it work?

• 46:36Stephen Scoggins?

  It did. It did. Yeah. He's been sober for 35 plus years. Fantastic grandfather and the whole deal, man.

• 46:43Ed Mylett?

  Thank God. That's wonderful.

• 46:44Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah. Um, but the intention behind.

• 46:48Stephen Scoggins?

  The meet that intent behind going through by making that um well an importance, right?

• 46:54Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I think I think most of the things we do great in our life come from love. My dad got sober because he loved his family enough to try again. Your dad got sober enough because he loves you and loves your family enough to try again. Hopefully loved himself, but oftentimes, you know, to find something we love, August, it may not be us. But all great things are achieved through love. And that sounds corny with two dudes talking that lift weights and stuff. But the fact of the matter is it's true. And when I focus on who I love or what I love, that's much bigger than whatever the obstacle is in my way. And that's always given me the fuel and the energy to, you know, persevere or maybe other people quit or gave in.

• 47:25Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah. How much of that intention is cycles into self sabotage?

• 47:30Ed Mylett?

  And what's it? What do you mean? What do you mean by that?

• 47:32Stephen Scoggins?

  Well, to me, if you have a focused intention, you're you're intentionally choosing a direction where self sabotage appears to be a lot more subconscious.

• 47:41Ed Mylett?

  Hmm. And Well, self sabotage comes from that internal identity that whatever you're about to go do, you don't believe you're worthy of. Or even if you get it, you'll blow it like you. You've heard me talk many times about the thermostat analogy. It's in the book, but the truth is if you don't get this internal thermostat, your identity high enough. No matter what you achieve, you're going to turn the air conditioners on in your life and cool it back down again to what you believe you're worth. I just I and and I I've watched this all the time on my new show. I have a new TV show, what's gonna be streaming called Change with Ed Mylett. And this woman, one of the guests on the show was a woman, she gained 180 pounds, lost 90, gained it back, lost 90, gained it back. And I said, the challenge for you, Angie, is you believe you're a heavy woman who happens to have lost weight.

• 48:22Stephen Scoggins?

  Hmm.

• 48:23Ed Mylett?

  And because that's the case, your identity is a heavy woman, you always get back there and turn the air conditioners back on. But what if the truth was you've always been a healthy, fit woman who had gained weight?

• 48:31Stephen Scoggins?

  Hmm.

• 48:32Ed Mylett?

  And if we could switch that identity, now we won't sabotage ourselves again. Sabotage is really the process of getting what we believe we're worth.

• 48:40Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah.

• 48:40Ed Mylett?

  We're really, we're really getting what we believe we're worth. So we're we're trashing the current results of the current situation to get back to what our thermostat setting is. And that we call that sabotage, but it's just getting back to what we believe we're worth.

• 48:52Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah, at least for me, you know, I again. We didn't get a chance to super connect just one on one, but you know, part of my backstory is, you know, overcoming homelessness and some other things to kind of get where I'm at today. And it was something in the book that you mentioned, I thought was pretty powerful and it was a huge shift for me, which is one of the reasons I wanted to bring it up, which is this essence of operating out of history.

• 49:12Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 49:13Stephen Scoggins?

  Versus operating out of future.

• 49:14Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 49:15Stephen Scoggins?

  I kept telling myself I was the high school dropout because I had to pay the bills and help the family and all that kind of stuff. I kept telling myself for a number of years. And then one of my first mentors, old man Myrie told me, he said, you know, he said, you're, you, there's two ways to think. You can either learn to think like me, you can learn to think like your dad. Which one will it be?

• 49:31Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 49:32Stephen Scoggins?

  Wow. Right here.

• 49:34Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 49:34Stephen Scoggins?

  Right here. Talk to me about history, man. Talk to me about operating out of history versus.

• 49:39Ed Mylett?

  Well, 1% of all people operate out of their imagination and their dreams. The 99% operate out of history and memory, and this is a really insidious thing. We don't even realize we're doing it. When we're children, we're happier. Why? My belief is we were just more recently with God.

• 49:51Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah.

• 49:52Ed Mylett?

  And two, we don't have a history and memory, so we're forced to operate out of imagination. And then at some point, for some children like you and I, we start getting a history early because it's thrust upon us with an alcoholic dad or whatever. But for the most part, most kids, it's 10, 12, 15 years old, they start operating of history and memory. And what we do in our life is we move towards what we're most familiar with. So you become familiar with this history and memory and you just move towards it. Same emotions over and over again, same thoughts over and over again, even if the external circumstances change. We move, we regret, our life is our emotions. We move towards the same thing. And that ties into associations. We all heard, hey, you're going to be the product of the five people you hang around. That's old school, right?

• 50:28Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Ed Mylett?

  How do you know who it should be? What's, what's one thing no one's ever told you before? I'll give it to you right now. It's in my book. If your peer group operates out of history and memory, they don't serve you like they should. I'll give you an example. If when you're with your friends, it's like, man, you remember, you remember, you remember that, you remember the high school, you remember that one thing, you remember that, you, you, you, yeah. Right? And that's what most friends do together.

• 50:52Stephen Scoggins?

  Yeah.

• 50:52Ed Mylett?

  I don't have a lot of that. I have a little bit of it. And by the way, my peer group have great histories and memories they can operate out of.

• 50:58Stephen Scoggins?

  True. Yeah.

• 50:58Ed Mylett?

  But they don't. When we're together, you almost got to force them. What we're doing is we're talking about imagination and dreams. What are you working on right now? Where are you going? What's it going to look like? You can't, you think you can get Tom Brady to talk about past Super Bowls all the time, dude? Come on, man. He's talking about, hey, I got this new crypto thing. I've got this new watch. I've got this new business thing I'm doing. I got this NFT. We're gonna win the Super Bowl this year in Tampa. I want to get ring eight, whatever it is. You, you talk to Tim Cook who runs Apple. He's not talking about Max from 20 years ago. He's talking about what they're working on now and where they're going as a company. And so the people around you, if it's history and memory, that's one little key. Like, I'm not saying drop people. I'm not even a believer in that unless they're toxic. You don't gotta do, but you gotta add. And so this is how critical imagi-, it's like probably, you probably asked me one of the four or five most important things in life.

• 51:43Ed Mylett?

  What is your frame of reference? History or memory or imagination and vision? It's okay to have some history and memory. We learn from it. But going back there, you cannot be in both zones at, at one time. So if you're in history and memory, you are not in vision and imagination. And you were born to imagine. You were born to dream. You were born to do something great with your life. And I just remembered that's something I want to talk about tonight in my speech. Thank you for giving me that question. Hold on. Go ahead. Keep going. I'm gonna write a note down because that was really good. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show.

• 52:25Ed Mylett?

  Hey, welcome back to Max Out with Ed Mylett. It is great to have you with us today. And today is a power couple edition of the program and I cannot think of a more powerful couple to have on the program today. So I'm sure you recognize both these people, but to my right is Brooks Light from the NHL and from the life change space and all kinds of different spaces we're going to talk about here going forward. And this is Julianne Huff to my left. So thank you both for being here today.

• 52:52Speaker 06

  Yes, sir. I appreciate you, brother.

• 52:54Ed Mylett?

  I think that if I want to give people a gift that are, that are watching this, it would be if they could have lunch with you and they could sit down or they got 10 minutes with you and there weren't cameras around and they could just ask you something, right? So I'll ask you first, Brooks, and then I'll have Jules answer. But if they ask you, hey, man, like, I want to make my family proud of me. I want to chase the best version of me. I want to create this business. I want to transform my body. I want a transformation in my life, right? What advice would you give me overall on creating a transformation in my life and chasing the best version of me?

• 53:26Speaker 06

  The first, honestly, the first thing I'd ask you is what do you want? When you ask somebody that question, like, Ed, what do you want? You, and people give you a little sheesh, no, no, no, no, you, just you, in your life. And sometimes it takes a while for people to get the courage to get it out.

• 53:44Ed Mylett?

  And to get clear, huh, and get specific, it's very general too much.

• 53:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, tell me exactly what you want.

• 53:49Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 53:50Speaker 06

  Okay, you want it, why do you want that? Great, that is exactly, that's what I started my life, what do I want, why do I want it? This what I want, I don't know how, but this is what, this is enough for me to then apply my intelligence and my resources, everything to figure out and execute that. But you need to know first, man, you need a target before you can release. If you're pulling a bow, you need somewhere to shoot it before you let it go. So, I like asking people that question, what do you want? At your core.

• 54:18Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 54:19Speaker 06

  Don't BS me, I can see through that. If you're taking up 10 minutes, you got 10 minutes of my time, but let's go, let's get to it now. And then everything else is a distraction. Everything that doesn't lead to this exact thing that you just told me is a distraction, even though you might like it, maybe it's part-time, maybe, get rid of it. As Tony says, burn the boats.

• 54:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 54:38Speaker 06

  You know, like, my parents had that conversation with me at the supper table, like, what if you can't be a hockey player? Like, dad was a principal, he's like, you should have an education in your back, in your back pocket. I'm like, dad, I'm gonna be a hockey player. And he's like, well, what if you don't? What if you hurt your knee? I rehab it and I become a hockey player. And I burned the boats, I got rid of, this is what I want. And I didn't know how, but when I was 14, I didn't know how I was gonna make the NHL, but the NHL was already in my hands. I owned it, I owned it, it was mine. My friends that would try and get me to drink, or go to parties, or smoke. Still, some of my best friends in my life, they were my groomsmen. But they tried to get me off that path, but I was like, you guys don't even know it. I'm five years away from this in the NHL. I'm 14, but I'm 19 in the NHL already.

• 55:21Speaker 06

  Like, I knew what I wanted, didn't know how, but I knew what I wanted and I knew why, because it was how I was gonna express, it was what I needed to do with my life. So I would try and get that out of a person, and everything else is a distraction.

• 55:32Ed Mylett?

  Hundred percent, I posted today, today, I made a post, I said, the extraordinary are fueled by why, and the average are always stuck with how. And so, and what I find when I ask people that question, it's why I don't do it on the show anymore. I've had too many, even of my own guests, when I go, what do you want? Uh, uh, it's very vague, it's very vague. And, and so, it, the rarest thing is to ask somebody that question, they can give you a specific, clear, compelling answer.

• 55:59Speaker 06

  The other thing, like I just, you posted that today, I posted yesterday, if you're gonna have one thing in your life, you're gonna have one thing, have a magnificent obsession with getting better.

• 56:08Ed Mylett?

  Bingo.

• 56:09Speaker 06

  Whatever it is, whatever's your, like you wake up, and that's what I'm doing now, if I'm not in hockey, I'm following the flow of my life, what do I gravitate towards? Cause I'm not getting paid for it, but what's, what's my thing that I love? That's telling me where I should be and then have a magnificent obsession with improving that.

• 56:26Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 56:26Speaker 06

  And it will find a way to monetize itself, you'll be successful.

• 56:29Ed Mylett?

  It really does, by the way, it really does, and you're

• 56:32Speaker 06

  Move towards your curiosities and your obsessions.

• 56:35Ed Mylett?

  Your obsessions become your possessions. You're going to, you're going to possess what you're obsessed with, and here's the issue for most people. They, they're obsessed with their fears, they're obsessed with what they're worried about, they're obsessed with what other people think about them, they're obsessed with all of these things, and you end up possessing these things.

• 56:51Speaker 06

  You said earlier, and I fully believe that we are so much more capable.

• 56:55Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 56:55Speaker 06

  Than we, than we even know, there's so much, there's even in you, I mean, you've been uber successful in your life, and man, you haven't even, you're just starting to scratch, like there's, there's so much left, and, and my wife too, and me, like, people, we're doing well, and a lot of people are doing well, and, but we are so much more, and it, it just fires me up, and lights me up, to even think like, just ripping that open, what does that even look like today? Even that thought, like, think bigger, my wife is great at this, she challenged me at this, she thinks so big, and sometimes I'm like, that's not even, you want like, you, you want, you want a spaceship with a hot tub and a yard? I don't know what you want either, like, I don't even know where we're going here, come back to earth a little bit. But like, we, we think big like that.

• 57:40Speaker 07

  Elon Musk and I, we get it.

• 57:42Ed Mylett?

  It's awesome though.

• 57:43Speaker 06

  Just, just, cause it's gonna pull you higher, and you need to get, like you are, I just believe, man, that people are so, life can be so much better, you're so much more capable. Just sink, sink your energy and your time, your intensity, your passion into it, everything else is a distraction.

• 57:59Ed Mylett?

  Dude, you're firing me the hair根破 I'm serious, and by the way, and like

• 58:03Speaker 06

  You just wanna move though?

• 58:05Ed Mylett?

  I kinda wanna like punch, slap, go do something big with you right now, but like But what's interesting about that, and I'm gonna let Jules wrap things up on that. But like, I just wanna tell you all this too, like, watch what we're doing to each other here. The other thing I want you to see-

• 58:19Speaker 07

  We're amping each other up.

• 58:20Ed Mylett?

  Right, is I want you to find mentors and friends who could stretch and move and motivate you, not just always validate you, not just always make you laugh, "Hey, bro, good to see you." I have tons of friends like that. People say, "Oh, drop your friends." No, you don't have to drop any friend in your life. But you gotta add people who stretch you and push you and get you to visualize and inspire you, right? Like, that's part of the formula. If you don't have them, you gotta do it yourself for now. But still be seeking out those people, so.

• 58:48Speaker 07

  Well, and they, you know, people always say that, like, with, like, celebrities. Oh, people are always being the yes man, but we have yes men in our personal lives, too. So like, that is exactly what you said, you know? And it's like, it's not just celebrities, it's everybody, like, we have yes men all over the place. Like, "Stop validating me, tell me what to do," like, just actually, like, "Call me out."

• 59:07Ed Mylett?

  There should be some friends you have where, like, you gotta clean up the house before they come over, man. Like, you should have some people, like, hey, there's some still people you wanna have your A-gained for in your life, right? So, this is unreal. I'm just telling you straight up, like, I'm like, this is unreal. I'm still feel, I feel so blessed. But I wanna finish with you, so it's hard to add to any of this.

• 59:25Speaker 07

  I know, it is.

• 59:25Ed Mylett?

  You know, but, but you've had all this experience, you've traveled the world, you had this amazingly unique childhood, you've attracted this dream, man, you've had all these achievements, and you're remaking yourself again, which I admire so much. And in five more years, you'll be remaking again, I know that. But what advice would you give to, maybe it's a woman, I don't know, that's listening to this and says, "Hey, I want something special in my life." What would you say that maybe we haven't added yet? What would you add to it? Is there something?

• 59:52Speaker 07

  I mean, the first thing that just popped in when you were talking just now is that it is about reinventing yourself all the time and continuing to grow. I think, you know, a lot of people are like, "You've changed," and your response should be like, "Thank you." You know, and it's like, you know, and it's, it's, it's amazing that, you know, we tell ourselves our stories of who we are, but that's who we were. Like, we're continuing, growing, and like, becoming the people that we're building, you know? And like, as we, as we become the person that we're becoming, and, and the achievements and the things that we want, it's not about what we want, it's about who we wanna be when we have all of this.

• 1:00:35Speaker 07

  And so, so I think at the end of the day, like- It always comes back to us and it's like, like what is it, like who is, not what is it that I want to be, but who is it that I want to be? And, and I said it, I think at the very beginning when we were talking about how we met, like met. What you put out into the universe is what you're gonna get. And if you're putting negative thoughts, if you're saying like, "I don't know how, I don't know how to do this, I can't do that, I can't do that." Instead of like visualizing, putting your goals, like do a one year, do a three year, do a five year, do a 10 year, do a like one month and do small achievable goals.

• 1:01:16Speaker 07

  So that you can actually attain them and celebrate them and realize like I have the power to do these things. And then, and then you get this confidence of who you are and then it just, things just start happening. Like it's an amazing thing, whether it's God, the universe, whatever you believe, your own innate willpower, whatever you put out, you're gonna get. And so, like, put out some good shit, guys.

• 1:01:41Ed Mylett?

  Jules, you're so right, like, you said something else, I just want to layer on, like I'm just moved. Honestly, that's so damn good, but you also said earlier, you said something, you said, "I'm enough." At one point, you're enough. It's like you have to accept right now, you have everything within you you need to go win. You're all you need to be right now to go win. You're getting better to prepare you for the next moment and the next moment, right?

• 1:02:01Speaker 07

  And one of my fa- sorry, I cut you off.

• 1:02:05Speaker 07

  One of my favorite analogies and visualizations of this is if your cup is full and somebody's pouring into it, all this information and like more, like, you know, "I can help you with this," and it's just overflowing. You're like, "I can't deal with this, this is too much, this is too much, this is too much." You sometimes just have to pour it out and then you can start filling up again. You know, it's like you know what you know right now and that's great and that's gonna get you to that next step. But once you're there, pour that damn cup out and start over, you know? And it's like, all this new information comes in and then you're able to actually download it and receive it.

• 1:02:43Ed Mylett?

  So good. Were you gonna say something on that?

• 1:02:45Speaker 07

  Sorry, I get excited.

• 1:02:47Speaker 06

  We do a lot of like creative planning stuff in our, in our garage and it was actually, we were talking about this the other day because we're trying to, she was helping me with the next stage of my life, my reinvention. And something we put up on the board, her brother Derek was also helping and we put up on the board. What do we want to do? And who do we need to become to do it? And it's exactly what she's talking about is and we talked about have your vision, what you want to do. Okay, that's great. And then who do I need to become to do this? And I tell her this all the time. We work on this. I tell her this. I'm building a man that's better than I am right now. So I'm not yet this man. But I have a vision, a concept of who he is. And she'll say like, there'll be some mornings I'll wake up at five or 5:30, go work out or six or whatever. She's like, oh babe, it's early.

• 1:03:32Speaker 06

  I'm like, yeah, but I'm building this man that's capable of more. When we have kids, he needs to work out before we have kids. We don't have kids yet, but this man needs to be capable of that stuff before we're even there. So I always work towards this, this far distant man that's better than I am. And I acknowledge he's better than I am, but I aspire to be like him and gradually just moving that needle every day. And some days I fail, some days I take a step back.

• 1:03:56Ed Mylett?

  Oh my gosh, I want to, I want to, I want to kiss you right now.

• 1:03:59Speaker 06

  We can kiss buddy.

• 1:03:59Ed Mylett?

  No, I'm serious.

• 1:04:00Jamie Kern Lima?

  Are we all just best friends right now?

• 1:04:02Ed Mylett?

  No, it's like, no, like, like, I just want to say something like, it's so good. So I talk all the time that I think at the end of my life, I'm a Christian. I believe that I want the Lord to go, hey, well done, good and faithful servant. But I also think he's going to go, hey, man, this is the man you could have been. I want you to meet the man you are capable of becoming. At the end of your life, I think you met the person you were destined to be. And I, and my life is chasing down that dude. Every decision I make, I'm trying to chase that dude down. So at the end of my life, when I meet him, he shakes my hand and says, hey, man, I've been watching you. Great job and we're identical twins. The worst end of a life would be to go to the end and you meet that woman and you're total strangers. And she had, she had experiences and memories and contributions and differences.

• 1:04:41Speaker 06

  That's great.

• 1:04:41Jamie Kern Lima?

  That's a great visual.

• 1:04:42Ed Mylett?

  Right, so I'm, I'm, my barometer is chasing down that person. Exactly what you said, you're trying to build that better man, build that better woman.

• 1:04:49Speaker 06

  And is the blissful dissatisfaction?

• 1:04:51Ed Mylett?

  Correct.

• 1:04:52Speaker 06

  Same thing, you're happy, you're not satisfied. You're still, you're, you love your life. You like, you look at the life you live and your family, like you have a fantastic life, but still it's not, it's not, not that it's not enough, it's just not enough.

• 1:05:02Ed Mylett?

  It's not enough, it's not enough. I'm enough, but it's not enough. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

• 1:05:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  Ed Mylett.

• 1:05:15Ed Mylett?

  Jamie.

• 1:05:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  It is such an honor to interview you on your show. This has never been done before.

• 1:05:21Ed Mylett?

  Nope.

• 1:05:22Jamie Kern Lima?

  You in the hot seat.

• 1:05:23Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Jamie Kern Lima?

  We're flipping the script and are you ready?

• 1:05:27Ed Mylett?

  I'm ready. I feel like I'm in great hands with my dear friend here, so let's do this.

• 1:05:31Jamie Kern Lima?

  You know, I wanted to ask you about something that I think has affected you. I know it's affected you, but so many people listening have this in their life. And maybe they shove it in the back of their mind, but it's still there. And that is this idea of labels. And what I mean is, like, so many of us have had, maybe it's when we were kids, someone called us a name, or, you know, we're in a situation and someone says, "Oh, but you're not smart enough," or "You don't have what it takes," or "You're the wrong fit for this," or "You don't come from the right family," or this, that, the other thing. And a lot of times, we then find ourselves as an adult, and that label is like stuck, and it's taken root. And now it's sort of coming out in our lives,

• 1:06:13Jamie Kern Lima?

  and we haven't even thought about it in years, but it's still there, that identity.

• 1:06:18Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 1:06:18Jamie Kern Lima?

  When you were, I think it was eight, eight years old, you were called Eddie Spaghetti, Eddie Spaghetti. Can you share how that happened?

• 1:06:28Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:28Jamie Kern Lima?

  And how you did or didn't let that label take root?

• 1:06:33Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I talk about this in the book a lot, too, is that, and how to overcome it, which I have, that part of me, I've leveraged into something pretty strong. But I talk about in the book that a lot of the beliefs we have about ourselves were installed in us, our identities, these thoughts and concepts we believe to be most true about us, our worth, they were installed in us when we were defenseless as kids. So it's like, be a good boy, be quiet, be a good girl, don't do that, don't make too much noise, don't... And you start to just start to develop this identity when you're young, and then when you get out into the world, because you believe it, you confirm it, and then you gather more and more references for it. And before you know it, you're 20, or 30, or 35 years old, and it's who you are. And you've proven it because of this, your identity's the most powerful force in the world,

• 1:07:17Ed Mylett?

  you're gonna be consistent with it. And most of what you believe about yourself, you weren't in control of believing. It was put there when you were a child, well, same with me. So you have this combination of this kid who's at home, things aren't real stable there most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I overcooked that, too, because when it was good, it was very loving. And the other thing is, I had this loving mother 100% of the time, right? 100% of the time. And great-grandparents... And lots of great stuff, but there was this thing, right? So you have that anxiety going and chaos. Going to school, I'm a little guy. Uh, I'm shy. I'm very, very shy. You know this about me to this day. I'm still very introverted. Which surprises most people because of the speaking and stuff in the show, but I'm super introverted. And um, I just started to get picked on.

• 1:08:02Ed Mylett?

  And this Eddie Spaghetti, your meatballs, right? And the class would sing it to me and they'd see me get upset and it started to develop into this pattern of you're not good enough all the time. And then I remember, you know, a few years later, a baseball coach, really I was become a pretty good player, but we had a great player on our team who went on to play like Major League Baseball for many, many years. He's still a really good friend of mine. And I'd had a couple of bad games and I was down. And our coach pulled me into his office. He was sort of a mean dude. He's a good dude, but he was a tough dude. He pulled me into his office. He goes, hey, Eddie Spaghetti. This is now I'm a teenager. And he goes, did you ever think that maybe you're just not as good as him? Like you going over three, like you can go over three, he can't. So why don't you just accept the fact you're just not that good?

• 1:08:48Ed Mylett?

  This was my coach. Right? And I remember just walking out of there like, wow. And then I've shared with you another story that when I became a speaker, someone that I looked up to was like, you know, you're really not that good. You know, like I can't even listen to you for more than about 15 minutes. And then, and I, I used to think to like, am I like, is there something on me that's like, you can just punch me? Like, is there something about me like you, people think they can just tell me these things about me? What is it about me? Cause other people aren't, what I found out is other people are hearing similar things. And the truth is, I just started to go, I actually asked myself a question that I say in the book. I don't really believe that many good things about myself. What would I need to believe about me? That would serve me?

• 1:09:31Ed Mylett?

  What would I actually need to believe about me? That would cause me to change the way I show up in the world. What would I need to believe? And all of a sudden, I started to really think about that. How would that guy walk? How would that guy talk? I'm doing an impersonation of this insecure guy. I'm doing an impersonation of a shy person. I'm doing an impersonation of someone who doesn't have confidence. It's an impersonation, it's not who I really am. Well, maybe I could begin to impersonate the person I want to be. And I actually started to impersonate him a little bit. Not fake it, but like, you know what? He'd walk with his shoulders back. His voice would be a little bit deeper than the one I'd walk around with. He'd think certain things about himself. Moreover, he would treat other people a particular way.

• 1:10:15Ed Mylett?

  He would treat other people in a kind and generous and strong way. Almost in an overabundance of kindness and generosity to people. And belief and love for people. And a lot of that happened when I worked at the orphanage. I was like, now that's the guy I like. That's the guy that I am. I'm the giving guy. I'm the kind guy. And you know what? I found out when I did that, I took it away from me, as we said earlier. It was about other people. That I found a lot more peace. So, I just started to become that person. And slowly but surely, I think I am that person.

• 1:10:50Jamie Kern Lima?

  That is really powerful. There's, I'm sure, so many people, I'm sure they'll send messages about this, who, you know, see you online, watch your content, and maybe think that everything's perfect.

• 1:11:01Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 1:11:01Jamie Kern Lima?

  And think that you were just born with all this confidence and with, you know, everyone loving you and millions of people following you, even through grade school, right? I mean, we tend to think those things about people that we don't yet know deeply. And then we think when those things happen to us, like someone tells us we're just not good enough, we kind of hide it because we're embarrassed by it or we think it doesn't happen to other people. And I feel like you, sharing that. is so powerful.

• 1:11:30Ed Mylett?

  Thank you. I think I have a lot of people from high school, actually, that follow me now, right? When you, when you're, and I think if you were to ask a lot of them, because they've told me this, I just wasn't, I, I think they would just say to you, like, it just, I wouldn't expect it to have been Eddie. You know, not like he was a complete, I was just there. If that makes any sense, like, no, I would not, there was no, like, most likely to succeed in any of my, you know, yearbooks or anything like that. But I don't think by the time I graduated, it wasn't like he's a complete dumb dumb. But it was just like, he's just Eddie Mylett, you know, he's just Eddie. Like, you would never suspect he would be the person that, you know, might reach a lot of human beings in his life, you know, you just would never have predicted that. And that ought to give everybody hope. If, if you're not one of those people that everyone's like, no, for sure it's her.

• 1:12:15Ed Mylett?

  I was definitely not that person. You go, oh, just mark it down, he's gonna do something great with his life. No, no one was saying that about me, no one. No teacher, no coach. Maybe a couple of teachers when I was a little, little guy, but most people would not have said, not, that anything significant was ever gonna happen.

• 1:12:33Jamie Kern Lima?

  So good. They didn't know you were the one.

• 1:12:35Ed Mylett?

  That's right.

• 1:12:35Jamie Kern Lima?

  They didn't know, that's, that's powerful, because a lot of people are wondering, am I the one? Can I be the one? No one's telling me I'm the one.

• 1:12:41Ed Mylett?

  And I think the fact that you doubt, I think the fact that you doubt or wonder whether you're the one is indicative of the fact that you probably are.

• 1:12:48Jamie Kern Lima?

  Woo!

• 1:12:49Ed Mylett?

  I do, I do. I just believe that.

• 1:12:52Jamie Kern Lima?

  That's so good.

• 1:12:53Ed Mylett?

  And you know this, and by the way, the reason it's good is because you know that to be true about you.

• 1:12:57Jamie Kern Lima?

  I know that's true, but I've never thought about it that way. I know that's true. And I'm just thinking right now, I have goosebumps thinking about how many people are listening to this. And right now, they know that they're wondering if they're the one.

• 1:13:07Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, and that makes you probably the one. Yes, that's right. And you know this because it happened in your life.

• 1:13:12Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes, that is huge. Um, all right.

• 1:13:14Ed Mylett?

  This is good.

• 1:13:15Jamie Kern Lima?

  I want to talk about, you know, the story, your, can you share with everyone this story? I feel like someone needs to hear this today about your first grade teacher.

• 1:13:24Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, Mrs. Smith.

• 1:13:25Jamie Kern Lima?

  Yes.

• 1:13:26Ed Mylett?

  So, yeah, um, I'll even elaborate on it a little bit. So I had no confidence at all. And, uh, and I was getting picked on. This is what I think happened. Mrs. Smith was just a super really kind lady, and we had moved to, um, The town that we were in then, and so I was also a new kid. On top of being small, on top of being Eddie Spaghetti, on top of being insecure, on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before, or there was this turmoil the night before. I'm just leaving that house, this little dude. I wish I could go back and hug him. You know, which my mom did a lot of, by the way. And so, she knew that I just had no self-esteem. And I believe she orchestrated this entire thing, but we were doing testing like

• 1:14:11Ed Mylett?

  for grades and stuff, for the next grades. And she purposely had, I believe she purposely did this for me. She had someone come in the back of the room and say, "Mrs. Smith, we need your smartest student to come take a test to represent the class." And I could see the person in the back, I heard them. And I watched Mrs. Smith go, "That's Eddie Mylett. I would pick Eddie, he's the smart boy." And she picks me, and I remember going, "Oh my gosh, she thinks I'm the smart boy." And I just looked at her and she smiled at me. And I remember just lighting up. And then the person goes, "Okay, um, then Eddie Mylett, you need to come with us." And I stood up.

• 1:14:56Ed Mylett?

  And it was the first time ever in my life that I was like, "I'm special." "This is special." And I walked up and went to the back. And I took the test and I guess I did well. But when I came back in, I didn't say this on the last time I told this. When I came back in, at the end of the day, um, the class was over, and Mrs. Smith said, "Eddie, can you come up here for me?" And I came up, and uh, she hugged me.

• 1:15:26Ed Mylett?

  And she goes, "You're so special and so smart, you're the smartest boy." She just like hugs on me for a minute. And um...

• 1:15:37Ed Mylett?

  It really changed my life a lot. It changed my life because that was the first time I was like, well, maybe, maybe they're wrong. Maybe I'm, maybe I am smart. Maybe I am special. And this beautiful soul knew exactly what she was doing. She orchestrated all that. She knew there was this child. I think she had this sense something was going on in my home. Because kids don't come like that to school, that shy, that timid, unless something's wrong at the house. And I'm telling you the truth that I have thought about that like hundreds, maybe thousands of times in my life. That, that event in my life. What a beautiful, beautiful soul she was.

• 1:16:22Ed Mylett?

  So, that's Mrs. Smith. It's one of those people, you know, in your life when you close your eyes and you go, there's this handful of humans that make you feel special, make you feel loved and cared for and believed in. And she's on that highlight reel of like maybe three or four human beings in my entire 51 years. And the reason that that's important is because I've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people. That they go, he loves me, he cares about me. He, most, maybe even as important, he believes in me. And, and then you show people how to live a little better.

• 1:17:06Ed Mylett?

  And that's exactly what she did. She was a super, super special person. And little did she know, that little first grade dude would, you know, be on a show with you today.

• 1:17:16Jamie Kern Lima?

  You know, last night when we were talking on the phone about this idea about how many people don't feel seen. And I'm just imagining like the power, right, of her seeing you.

• 1:17:28Ed Mylett?

  First time anyone saw me. I was telling you last night that. A lot of my work in my life has been, I don't know why it makes me so emotional, but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people that perform pretty well, perform their best. And the more and more I've been doing what I do, the more it's occurring to me that that's, my role is a little different. And that is that there's millions and millions and millions of people, maybe more than ever in the world, that were like the first grader me, but they're 30 years old. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now onto our next guest. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So today I get to share one of my favorite men I've ever known in my life with you. Truly love him.

• 1:18:13Ed Mylett?

  I miss him very much, too. I don't see him nearly as much as I would like to. He's a life architect, he's an artist, he's an entrepreneur, he's the founder of Mosaic, which is one of the most beautiful churches in the world. He's a contrarian thinker. He's a lovely man, a kind, gentle, brilliant man. He's the type of dude that after you've spent some time with him, you can't help but reflect on the time you had with him when he leaves. Every time I'm with him, I find myself thinking about the conversations we had, days and weeks even afterwards. And I have a feeling that that's gonna happen for all of you today as well. And man, is this gonna be awesome. He's got a new book out called The Seven Frequencies of Communication, which is incredible, because he's incredible. Erwin McManus, welcome back to the show, my brother.

• 1:18:58Erwin McManus?

  It's so good to be with you. It's just good to see your face and to hear your voice and to get to have this time with you.

• 1:19:05Ed Mylett?

  Me too, brother. You talked about this recently and it just struck me. This isn't a frequency thing necessarily, but why are so many people, and you said you had a little of this too, or maybe a lot of it, they're in their own way. They're their own biggest enemy in life. What's, why? How?

• 1:19:22Erwin McManus?

  I think there can be multiple reasons, but self doubt is a really fascinating thing. It really comes down to what voices you allowed to determine your identity.

• 1:19:36Erwin McManus?

  All of us have a series of voices that speak to us from childhood all the way through life. But those voices do not matter until you accept them as your voice. So if someone says to you, "You don't matter, but your voice tells you you do matter," that voice doesn't have power over you. But when you let that voice shape who you are, and I think for me, Ed, I had voices inside of me saying, "Don't be too successful." I literally was always my greatest enemy. This voice, because I'm a deeply spiritual person. Yes. And I have this, I mean, my life is centered around the person of Jesus Christ.

• 1:20:17Erwin McManus?

  And I've never wanted to do anything to invalidate my relationship with Him or to cause anyone to ever question my sincerity. So what that did for me is it actually created some self-limiting mindsets. Because I didn't know how to become the full version of myself and not have people question my faith. And when I had to realize eventually, and I think this is one of the things I learned from you and so many others is, the better you're at something, the more people are gonna hate you. There is no way to escape opposition, or hate, or whatever you want to describe it.

• 1:20:58Erwin McManus?

  And once I could accept that going, even if I'm completely sincere, there's always gonna be people who question your sincerity. And so then I went, "Well, if I'm gonna have people who hate me anyway, I might as well be the best version of myself. I might as well move toward optimal performance." And at this point in my life, Ed, I'm at the point where I'm going, "I wanna have the greatest impact on the world that I can while I'm still on this earth." And writing The Seven Frequencies was a huge part of that journey for me. Writing Mind Shift was a huge part of that. And what I'm gonna do from this point forward in my life is I'm gonna give to the world what I feel will create the greatest contribution on this planet. I love it. And you have to decide at some point,

• 1:21:41Erwin McManus?

  "I will not live my life based on the voices that are speaking at me, that I will listen to a deeper inner voice that calls me to the greatest purpose that I have."

• 1:21:51Ed Mylett?

  Oh, it's so good. Erwin, you're so, he's had so much to give you guys. And I remember, you probably don't remember this, but there's even shame in some people's lives about making a little bit of money.

• 1:22:04Erwin McManus?

  Oh, I've been, I've had so much shame for that. In my own life, Ed, I, I mean, my wife and I lived, I had a salary of less than $12,000 for 10 years.

• 1:22:14Ed Mylett?

  Gosh.

• 1:22:15Erwin McManus?

  Because I thought it was ethically wrong for me to make money. We slept on the floor. I wouldn't buy a bed because I, I told her that was a luxury, not a necessity. I, I don't, I don't know what, what got into my head. And I remember one day we were married, we had kids, and I said, I think that it's okay. I think God told me it's okay for me to make some money. And she goes, you can make money? I said, oh, I've always known how. I just would have to stop myself. And she goes, well, could you, you know, start like now?

• 1:22:44Erwin McManus?

  But I always put a cap on myself.

• 1:22:46Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, that's right. You did, Erwin. You did.

• 1:22:49Erwin McManus?

  And, and I, I've always known I could make billions of dollars. I've never had that confusion in my head. And I would, the confusion in my head was, do I give myself permission?

• 1:23:00Ed Mylett?

  Do you know what you said to me about what you just, why is this so huge? Why I asked you? I was wondering if you were gonna say this. You guys, you won't remember this, Erwin. We were at a friend's house, you know whose house it was, that lives on the ocean. And you and I walked into the kitchen, and I kept telling you, you're in this room, and you're like, I've met these guys now, and it's not that big of a deal. And I said, Erwin, you could impact millions of people. And you said, Ed, and you kind of had this cringe when you said it to me. You go, I think I'm gonna allow myself to make some real money now. And even when you said it, there was this discomfort in you. I said, Erwin, you have permission to do that. You just gotta give it to yourself. Now, I don't know that you remember that moment, but I know where I was standing in the kitchen when you said

• 1:23:42Ed Mylett?

  it. And I just want everybody to hear this. This is a man who's coached some of the most influential people in the world. Top people in industries come to him. And even in his case, he had to give himself permission to allow some form of abundance to flow into his life because of some sort of a limiting belief around it. Now, if that's true of someone with his eloquence and brilliance, are any of you suffering with something that you're not giving yourself permission to feel? Whether that be joy, or love, or the love of God, your faith, to know you can be somewhere in eternity. Maybe it's wealth, maybe it's physical health. But there's probably something today.

• 1:24:19Ed Mylett?

  That you're not allowing yourself or giving yourself permission to have and feel and give yourself the gift today like Erwin did. And by the way, once Erwin unlocked that type of permission, he had more financial abundance, but his impact grew with the world changers he now affects, right? And that opened up other lanes for you.

• 1:24:36Erwin McManus?

  Absolutely. And one of the things I realized for myself is I'm just not motivated by money. It just is not a, it's not a good motivator for me, but I am motivated in seeing people's lives changed. And instead of waiting for someone to, to finance the vision we have to impact the world, we create the wealth, we finance it, we help millions of people. It's just so much more exciting to be perfectly honest.

• 1:24:57Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, that was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett. Let me ask you a question before we begin today. Do you have any sense right now, like you feel like you're just overloaded? And you're overwhelmed with information in your life? Maybe you're having a hard time getting focused. You get distracted pretty easily. Maybe your concentration sort of suffers a little bit, your memory issues. Well, my guest here today is an expert on optimum brain performance, on learning, on learning quickly, and on maxing out your capacity to think and perform in your life. And it was really born out of some tragedy,

• 1:25:39Ed Mylett?

  out of some, some difficult events out of his childhood. He's turned those tragic events into becoming a world renowned expert on brain performance. And today, I'm really blessed because I've been chasing this guy for a while. I've wanted him to share his brilliance with you, the audience. And I'm grateful that he's here today because we're about to change your life and change the way you learn, think and perform. So my guest today is the great Jim Quick. Jim, thank you.

• 1:26:02Jim Kwik?

  Ed, thank you so much. I've been looking forward to this so much.

• 1:26:05Ed Mylett?

  Me too, brother. We've been, we've had great conversations off camera and. I'm so excited because I know there are some shows I know that we do that are inspirational. And then there are shows I know that are going to inspire, but also by the end of the program, people's lives are just measurably better and they can perform better. And today is heavy note taking. If you're driving in the car, you're gonna wanna hear it, but you're gonna wanna get back and listen to the video or something too to write the notes down we're gonna cover. So I wanna share something with you, because it just happened this weekend and I just, from my folks here too. I think one of mine is that I am present with people.

• 1:26:39Jim Kwik?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:39Ed Mylett?

  And I do observe people. And so it's really interesting because I think that's one of the things that I love about doing the show. And it was fascinating because I never gave any thought as to where that came from. Because I mean, your brain brilliance comes from the fact that you had this damaged brain as a child. Yet it's one of your great gifts and one of the great things you're intelligent at, one of your geniuses. And so this weekend, somebody had asked me, why do you think like on your show or even we were at a dinner, you're so present, you're listening, where do you think that comes from? And I didn't know, I didn't, I thought about it and I said, you know, I'm not sure, but you know, it's interesting. My dad was, my dad's sober 30 years now, but when I was a little boy, my dad was, had a drinking problem.

• 1:27:21Ed Mylett?

  And I never knew as a little boy which dad was gonna come through the front door at night. And so unlike most kids who would run up and hug dad, I would observe dad when he came home. And so when dad walked through the front door, I'd look at his physiology, I'd look at his eyes, his face, his lips. I'd listen to what his first few words were. And I think since I was about a four-year-old little boy, I was sort of through that unfortunate circumstance in my family, I developed this intelligence of being present and really being with someone and understanding them and connecting with them and seeing where they really were. And it's ended up serving me as a 47-year-old man with you here today.

• 1:28:02Jim Kwik?

  Wow.

• 1:28:02Ed Mylett?

  Isn't that interesting? And so many, for some of you listening, I would just say to you that sometimes some of your great genius could be coming from some of what you would think might be some of the more tragic events in your life or difficult events in your life, so just think about that.

• 1:28:14Jim Kwik?

  And the self-talk also, you know, when I said, I had, you know, at age nine, a teacher looked at me, said, "That's the boy with the broken brain" for the whole class. You know, and parents and adults have to be very careful because your external words become a child's internal words. Because every single time I did bad on a quiz, on a test, or not picked for a sports team, which was all the time, I would say, oh, because I have the broken brain. That became my internal conversation. And I always tell people when they come to me and they say, I'm not smart enough, I'm not good enough, I have a horrible memory. I always say, if you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

• 1:28:44Ed Mylett?

  Boy.

• 1:28:45Jim Kwik?

  If you fight for your limitations, you argue for your limits, they're yours, right? And here's the thing, your brain is like a supercomputer and your self-talk is a program that will run. So if you tell yourself you're not good at remembering names, you will not remember the name of the next person you meet because you programmed your supercomputer not to. They say the two most powerful words in the English language are also the smallest, I am. Because whatever you put after that, complete that sentence with, is going to determine your destination, your destiny.

• 1:29:11Ed Mylett?

  I'm so glad you're saying this because this is typically said by like, you know what I mean, to, but motivational people or inspiring people. Now we've got a brain person. Science. Science telling you this is a fact.

• 1:29:23Jim Kwik?

  So your identity is this, so let's say at a simple level, let's say people want to change their behavior, they want to stop procrastinating.

• 1:29:30Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:29:30Jim Kwik?

  But their identity is, I'm a procrastinator.

• 1:29:32Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:29:32Jim Kwik?

  Ooh, that's gonna be a tough one. They want to change a behavior like, oh, I want to stop smoking. But their identity is, I am a smoker? Wow, that's gonna be a challenge, right? So here's the thing, the reason why I bring these distinctions up is because it takes the self-loathing or the judgment out of it because you don't have to, if you're not good at something, you could say like, oh, you could address the level that's holding you back. Finally, below the level of behavior, and this is a big one, is the environment, is a level of environment. Environment. Because you could, the behavior is you want to stop smoking, but the environment is you're around a lot of smokers. Because it's not, here's the thing, the people you spend time with, these people you become, you know this, you teach this, because your mirror neurons are always imitating what's around you.

• 1:30:14Jim Kwik?

  And that's the thing, so I want to sensitize you to, because often the people that hold us back are the people that love us the most.

• 1:30:21Ed Mylett?

  You know.

• 1:30:21Jim Kwik?

  You know, because you know why, they're like, oh, you're going to another event, you're listening to another podcast, why are you reading another book, spending all that money? And they have good, they can have good intentions.

• 1:30:29Ed Mylett?

  Sure.

• 1:30:29Jim Kwik?

  Right, because ultimately, people are doing things for, you know, generally, I believe, for good reasons.

• 1:30:33Ed Mylett?

  Most people.

• 1:30:34Jim Kwik?

  But. They can be sincere, but they can be sincerely wrong.

• 1:30:37Ed Mylett?

  Sincerely wrong, and I love the "I'm not this yet."

• 1:30:39Jim Kwik?

  Right.

• 1:30:40Ed Mylett?

  I also want to just repeat things that just, we just, you say brilliant things one after the other. And so, this idea that as a parent, your external dialogue becomes your child's internal dialogue is just riveting. I mean, it's riveting, and it's also true, I think, of leaders in companies, too. Your external dialogue about your company or about that individual can become their internal dialogue. So what you're saying matters so deeply.

• 1:31:02Jim Kwik?

  There are six primary questions we learn in school. Five W's and one H, right? Now, watch this. The identity level answers the question of who. The beliefs and values answer the question of why. The capabilities answer the question of how you do it. The behavior is the what, and the environment answers the question of when and where. It is fully aligned. And so, I feel like we have natural genius inside of us. And if we, when this is aligned with this, when people talk about their mind and their body and their values and habits, when they're all aligned, things happen naturally, and they're not having forced. And my goal for everybody who's watching and listening to this is that they're smarter than they think. It's just we weren't taught how to do these things.

• 1:31:46Jim Kwik?

  And when you're incongruence and in alignment, things happen. Your natural superpowers, if you will,

• 1:31:51Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:31:51Jim Kwik?

  come out, come out organically, and are not forced.

• 1:31:55Ed Mylett?

  Boy, that's, man, brother, that's so good. I'm processing all of this with you. They'll be mad at me if I don't ask you a tactical question.

• 1:32:04Jim Kwik?

  Absolutely.

• 1:32:05Ed Mylett?

  So can you give them, I'm gonna get a couple more things, but thank you for taking the extra time. They'll, I'll get, I'll get DMs and emails if I don't ask you. Tactically ask him a specific tactic to remember a name.

• 1:32:16Jim Kwik?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:16Ed Mylett?

  So I have Max out.

• 1:32:17Jim Kwik?

  Perfect.

• 1:32:17Ed Mylett?

  Do you do an association when you remember someone's name?

• 1:32:19Jim Kwik?

  I do, I do. Really fast, I would say, be suave. Be suave, I'll do you really quick. B is believe, right? Believe you can, believe you can, you're right. So stop the negative self-talk, right? So that, that's obvious. The second thing is E is exercise. We already talked about power of exercise, practice. Because the bad news is it takes practice to learn someone's name. The good news, not as much as you think.

• 1:32:40Ed Mylett?

  Good.

• 1:32:41Jim Kwik?

  Like, I'm really good at names, but after practicing for a couple of months, it's just become second nature. Right? Just like parking your car or learning how to type, you do it without thinking. The suave is this. S stands for say the name. When tactically, when you meet somebody, you say their name back to them. Right, because you make sure you observe it correctly. The U is you use the name. Use it three or four times, we talked about that. The A is you ask about a name. This is really great, Ed, when you meet somebody whose name you haven't heard before. You meet someone named Afzal or Ridiger. What can you ask about a person's name? You already said this, you already said it's not travel entrepreneurship. What's everyone's favorite subject? It's themselves. So what can you ask about a person's name? How do you spell it? Where's it from? You know, what does it mean? I was doing this training at the country's largest life insurance company.

• 1:33:25Jim Kwik?

  Hundred people in the room. The training director's name was Nankita. And I was like, in front of the whole group, I was like, that's a beautiful name. How do you spell it? Where's it from? What does it mean? She paused. I was like, Nahida, what does it mean? She looked at all her coworkers and says, she said it means graceful, following waters. And I was like, wow. And then her coworkers gave that kind of reaction, like a novelty. And I was like, wait a second, how long you worked here? She was like, you know, X amount of years. With these people? Yeah, a lot of them are good friends or at my wedding. I was like, out of a hundred, I was like, raise your hand if you knew that's what her name meant. Out of a hundred people, how many people raised their hand? Zero, zero. And talk about like caring, that became like a 10-year client, right? Because that's the power of a name, the emotion, right? So ask about a person's name. And then V in be suave stands for visualize.

• 1:34:09Jim Kwik?

  And here's a real tactical thing. We tend to be better with faces than names, right? Aren't you? You meet a lot of people, right? People come and you meet somebody, you know, you say to them, I remember your face, but I forgot your name. You never go to someone and say the opposite. You never go to someone, I remember your name, but I forgot your face. That wouldn't make any sense. But here's the reason why, from neurological, your visual cortex is a lot larger than other parts of your brain. So you tend to remember what you see. Now, if you tend to remember, there's Chinese proverb that goes, what I hear, I forget. What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand. What I hear, I forget. I heard the name, I forgot the name. What I see, I remember. I saw the face, I'll remember the face. What I do, going back to practice and exercise, I understand. So if you tend to remember what you see, try seeing what you remember. So quick visual aid is this, play Pictionary.

• 1:34:53Jim Kwik?

  A person's name, for example, is Mark. Take a split second and put a check mark on their forehead. And you're like, Jim, that's so childish. Who are the? Fastest learners on the planet.

• 1:35:03Ed Mylett?

  Children.

• 1:35:04Jim Kwik?

  Children.

• 1:35:04Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:35:05Jim Kwik?

  How fast can they learn a musical instrument? How fast can they learn another language? Right, they're sponges. And part of how they remember names is they make fun of people. Like, they go to somebody, you're like, you know, they go to someone named Jason, and Jason the Basin. Right, and all of a sudden, like, Jason's in therapy for years.

• 1:35:21Jim Kwik?

  But that's how you learn. Banana, fana, faux fana. You learn through imagery, right? And they make fun. And so, remember, more emotion, too.

• 1:35:27Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:35:28Jim Kwik?

  Information, you forget. Information combined with emotion. So, person's name is Mary. Imagine you meet someone, they marry. Handshake breaks. Imagine she's getting married, or she's carrying two lambs under her arms. And here's the thing. It overcomes in business what I call the six-second rule. Somebody tells you something important in a conversation, or their name, you have six seconds to do something with it. Otherwise, what happens?

• 1:35:48Ed Mylett?

  You lose it.

• 1:35:48Jim Kwik?

  It's gone. Out of your working memory, short-term memory, it's gone.

• 1:35:50Ed Mylett?

  Got it.

• 1:35:51Jim Kwik?

  So, this helps you to focus uniquely on both the person and also the name. So, if a person's name, so, for example, is, let's say, Carol. Imagine they're singing Christmas carols.

• 1:36:02Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:36:02Jim Kwik?

  Right, a person's name is Mike. Imagine them jumping on the table, singing on a microphone for a split second. And then, when you say goodbye to them 20 minutes later, you're like, oh, that guy was sitting on the, you know, karaoke on the microphone. What's his name? Mike. Right, because it glues it. And then, by the way, it's a short term, because once you know the person's name is Ed, or Athena, or Mike, or whatever, what will happen is...

• 1:36:24Ed Mylett?

  He just named everybody here.

• 1:36:24Jim Kwik?

  Sorry, sorry. Once you do that, then the pictures disappear, because you know it. You just need something to glue it, because there's three parts of your memory. You encode the information, you store the information, then you retrieve the information. But most people can't retrieve it, because they're not encoding in a way that makes it memorable.

• 1:36:40Ed Mylett?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:36:40Jim Kwik?

  So, you make it visual, you make it fun and interesting. So, if a person's name is John, you can imagine, whatever.

• 1:36:46Ed Mylett?

  Right, right.

• 1:36:47Jim Kwik?

  And then, finally, that's the V. The E in SWAB stands for end.

• 1:36:50Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 1:36:51Jim Kwik?

  You always end a conversation using their name. Saying goodbye using a name. Because if you could walk into a room of strangers and leave saying goodbye to 20 strangers by name, who are they all gonna remember?

• 1:37:01Ed Mylett?

  You.

• 1:37:02Jim Kwik?

  They're gonna remember. That's a standout skill. Because it's not just what you know. Yes, yes, you can learn faster. It's not only who you know, but it's also who knows you.

• 1:37:10Ed Mylett?

  Who knows you.

• 1:37:11Jim Kwik?

  And who's gonna remember you.

• 1:37:12Ed Mylett?

  That is awesome. That is awesome, awesome. And the six-second rule, if you don't use it, you lose it. So, do something within the first seconds. That is brilliance.

• 1:37:19Jim Kwik?

  There are a few obstacles to effective reading. So, let's go through them really quickly. Number one, what keeps you from reading slow is lack of education. You're not born with the ability to read, nobody is. Right. And so, we learned it through class, through a training, right? But when's the last time you took a class called a reading? How old were you? Probably six. Six or seven years old, right? Exactly. So, we are still, every single person watching this, for the most part, we're still reading like we're a six or seven-year-old. Because that's the last time we had training in that one area, right? The difficulty demand has increased tremendously, but we're still reading like a six-year-old. So that's number one, get the proper education. Lack of education. Number two, lack of focus. We could all relate to this. You read a page in a book, you get to the end, just forget what you just read. Of course.

• 1:38:03Jim Kwik?

  Because your attention is everywhere, your mind wanders. You're thinking about the dry cleaning, the clients, everything, the kids. So here's the thing.

• 1:38:11Jim Kwik?

  You just mentioned that if you read faster, you feel like you wouldn't retain as much and understand as much. I know, it's not true. It's not, it's not. Because we weren't taught differently, right? And so, what I would say is, the fastest... So I think it's a myth being spread around by slow readers that if you read faster, you wouldn't understand as much, because it's a lie. And this is interesting, because we have online academy, right? Of speed reading. And we have students in over 180 countries. So we have a lot of data. And we found the fastest readers actually have the best comprehension because they have the best focus. Okay. So here's the metaphor. Your brain is this incredible supercomputer. But when you read, you feed this supercomputer one word at a time.

• 1:38:54Jim Kwik?

  Metaphorically, you're starving your mind, right? And even if we were to talk like that through this conversation, it would be like eight days to read, right? And what would happen to people? Very quickly, if they were talking that slow, their mind would wander. They would fall asleep, they would think about other things, they would just... And isn't that, aren't those the same exact things that happen when you read? Yes. Your mind wanders, you fall asleep, you start thinking about other things. Because if you don't give your brain the stimulus it needs, it'll seek entertainment elsewhere, in the form of distraction. Got it. Third obstacle, this is the big one. Subvocalization. Yeah. Okay, this is the big one. By far, we're talking about your inner voice. Subvocalization means, you ever notice when you're reading something,

• 1:39:37Jim Kwik?

  you hear the inner voice inside of your head reading along with you? You hear that, hopefully it's your own voice, it's not like somebody else's voice. The reason why it keeps you reading slow, the reason why is because if you have to say all the words to understand them, you can only read as fast as you could speak. And that, this is mind blowing to me. Subvocalization, vocal speech, sub, like submarine, inner speech. If you're saying the words to understand what you're reading, you're doing it not right. Because, New York City, you don't have to say the word New York City or computert to understand what those, just like when you're driving, you see a stop sign, you don't say to yourself, "Stop." 95% of the words, do you understand what that stop sign means though? Yes. 95% of words are words you've seen before, you don't have to pronounce the words. You know, leaders are readers, right?

• 1:40:20Jim Kwik?

  You read a lot, Tony Robbins read a lot, you know, like Oprah reads a lot, Bill Gates reads a lot, like John F. Kennedy, you know, leaders are readers, he was a very fast reader. He was said to have read every morning, six newspapers with one cup of coffee. Most people, it's the opposite, it takes like six cups of coffee to get through like a newspaper, right? And that's the challenge, but he's, you know, let's say, you know, he was said to have read 800 to 1,000 words a minute, but if he could talk at, the average talking to you is about 200, 250 words per minute, there are like 700 words per minute he's not pronouncing, right? You don't have to pronounce words you've seen before, but that's how we were taught as a kid. Like a lot of what accelerated learning is, just like success, is unlearning, bad habits. When you're a kid, you had to say the words out loud because the teacher needed to know you're pronouncing the words phonetically correctly.

• 1:41:04Jim Kwik?

  But later on, remember this, your teacher said, "Read quietly to yourself, read silently to yourself." And that's when you used that external voice and you put it internal there, and it's been there ever since. Here's a point, when we listen to podcasts or audiobooks, how many people like to listen to it at 1.5 or 2X or 3X? And they can understand it too. Yes. You can't talk that fast though. And that's the thing, right? And so that's why. Subvocalization is saying, basically, if you're subvocalizing, your reading speed is limited to your talking speed, not your thinking speed. You can understand so much more, so much faster, but you can't talk that fast. It's a bad habit we picked up as a kid, so we did a whole podcast on how to reduce subvocalization. And our programs, like over 21, 30 days, we teach people methodically how to do it, because there's difference in a tip than a training.

• 1:41:49Ed Mylett?

  Sure, of course.

• 1:41:50Jim Kwik?

  Fourth obstacle, I would say, and then we go to solution, regression. It's a very bad habit we picked up as a kid. Regression is back skipping. You ever notice you read something, you go back and reread words? Or you reread a whole line by accident?

• 1:42:01Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:42:01Jim Kwik?

  You know, upwards of 20, 25% of the time can be spent rereading words. So how do you, now, I'm gonna give you just one tip on how to overcome this, which will make a big difference. This tip is gonna help you read 25 to 50% faster, with better focus. Now, that's a huge return, because like, on average, our online program, 300% increase.

• 1:42:19Ed Mylett?

  I know, right now, people are like, okay, how do I get more information from this person? And so, I wanna make sure they know where to go find you. The first one is, you've referenced this podcast that you have, and I'm a subscriber. There's just stuff, every single time you're on there, that is valuable. And I like that oftentimes, it's not even very long. Oftentimes, it's just digestible stuff. So, how do they find your podcast?

• 1:42:41Jim Kwik?

  So, on anyone's podcast app, search my name, Jim, K W I K.

• 1:42:45Ed Mylett?

  And that is his real name, by the way.

• 1:42:46Jim Kwik?

  I didn't change it to do my father's name, my grandfather's name. My life was pretty much planned out.

• 1:42:50Ed Mylett?

  So, go get your podcasts.

• 1:42:51Jim Kwik?

  Or they go to, the best way is actually go to quickbrain.com, K W I K brain.com. There are actually videos on speed reading, remember names. I take a live audience up there, and they do that. And then, links, all my links to podcasts are there.

• 1:43:03Ed Mylett?

  So, for podcasts and your website, both are also where they can get involved with your programs, too, if they choose to, correct? And then, also, you've got a great Instagram account.

• 1:43:11Jim Kwik?

  Yeah, I mean, the podcast episodes also, we've done episodes on the top 10 brain foods, how to change your habits, how to change your limiting beliefs, everything that has to do with cognition, we do it in 10 or 15 minutes. So, brain hacks for busy people, and learn faster.

• 1:43:23Ed Mylett?

  Brain hacks are awesome.

• 1:43:24Jim Kwik?

  And then, I love your Instagram.

• 1:43:26Ed Mylett?

  Thank you.

• 1:43:27Jim Kwik?

  You know, and it's so wonderful, and so, I do the lives and the Q and As that are there. And so, we like to post things that are just brain hacks.

• 1:43:34Ed Mylett?

  His Instagram is... You're gonna get addicted to it. It's outstanding.

• 1:43:38Jim Kwik?

  Like yours. And I would challenge people again, ending with this, to take a screenshot of this episode. Tag us both on there and then share. Remember what you teach. You get to learn twice. You own it. Share your big ahas or your questions and I'll actually, I'll repost some of my favorites.

• 1:43:52Ed Mylett?

  So do I. So do I. So please do that, everybody. Take a screenshot, tag both of us, tell us what your biggest takeaway was. So in finishing, you know, people, when we're done here, they're gonna wish, I wish, you know, I'd ask you so many more things. We got so much done today, but you're such a, you know, just a wealth of knowledge. It's unbelievable.

• 1:44:07Jim Kwik?

  I hope people take these pictures even in their notes. I'd be curious if they tag that.

• 1:44:10Ed Mylett?

  They're gonna be long. I can tell you that because we've covered so much today and thank you. But I think probably, you know, one of the things that I think most people that are listening to this, they're trying to change things. Whether that be a habit or change their life in general. And you're an expert at this. If someone said they got, I always do this, they got two minutes with Jim Quick. They ran into you at Starbucks and you were as busy as you are, you said, I'll give you two minutes. And they could ask you something. I think the vast majority of the people would say, I want to change something in my life. Whether that be a habit or the external results in my life. I want to create a change. What would you say to that person? Where do they begin? What would be a step they could take? What would be a thought they would have in order to create change?

• 1:44:49Jim Kwik?

  So the obvious thing to say is lifelong learning. Commit yourself to lifelong learning. But that would be preaching to the choir because if someone's watching this right now or listening to this, you know, they are exceptional and I applaud anyone who's made it all the way to the end. What I would say is self-love is not selfish. I feel like the biggest challenge people have in life is this fear that they're not enough. And I believe that's what holds us back. And people talk about themselves in relationships and I think we grow a lot in our intimate relationships because they are a mirror to us. And I also feel like you have to fall in love again with the person in the mirror who has been through so much, but is still standing. You know what I mean? And when's the last time, you know, learning and love, I always wish people...

• 1:45:34Jim Kwik?

  You know, this year and their days before lots of life, lots, lots of love, lots of laughter and lots of learning. But I think they go hand in hand and self-love, it's kind of, I don't want to, you know, people could put it into a hold hands and sing kumbaya. But I'm saying do the things that you would do for yourself because I feel like we're only happy when two things happen. This is my, my advice. Number one, you need the curiosity to know yourself, right? Because that's self-awareness. That's why we meditate, that's why we journal, that's why we listen to things. It's self-reflection. We have intimate relationships, we build businesses because they puts us through tests and shows us who we really are. So have the curiosity to know yourself. But much you know yourself, you need the courage to be yourself. You know what I mean? Yes. And that's a different game. Totally different.

• 1:46:17Jim Kwik?

  You know, and a lot of us, you know, when we're looking back again, we don't want to have those, those regrets and the, the expectations of other people. And that's, that's where I think people could, they, they limit themselves. So I would say my advice to somebody right now is to make sure you dedicate time every single day to self-care. You know, and really spend the time to not only know yourself, but give yourself permission to really be yourself. Because I feel like everyone makes smart goals, right? They're specific and they're measurable and they're action oriented and they're, they're, they're, they're realistic and they're time-bound and I'm all for that, setting goals. But also make them heart goals. Remember I talked about the power of the heart? Yes. You know, make them H-healthy in every area of your life.

• 1:47:00Jim Kwik?

  Make sure that they're, they're healthy and you're the ecology of your life. I would also say E, make them enduring. You know, make them enduring so as we go through hard times, which invariably will in business and in life and relationships and health, make sure that they, they're inspiring enough to be able to get you through those hard times. The A is make them alluring. Alluring mean they pull you, right? They like, they're so attractive, they just like get you out of the, out of, out of bed, they're alluring. The R is relevant, meaning you want to make them relevant because a lot of people set goals, but are they solving a personal problem for you? Are they really relevant to your particular values in life and in relationships and business? And finally, the T. I think it's the most important one. When you're setting goals, make them your truth. Because so many people are setting goals and a vision that's not really theirs.

• 1:47:44Jim Kwik?

  They picked it up from their parents. You know, they're doctors because their parents were doctors. Or they're picking it up from the Joneses or something outside, you know? Know your truth and live from there.

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