Be More Direct in 3 Sentences

Most people say they want to be more direct, but when the moment comes, they start telling stories, overexplaining, or hoping the other person reads their mind. In this episode, I break down what being direct actually sounds like and why customer service conversations are one of the best places to practice it. I share a simple three-step method you can use anywhere—at work, at home, or in relationships—to say exactly what you mean without sounding harsh. When you learn to stick the landing with your words, people understand you faster, respect you more, and conversations get a whole lot easier. Order The Next Conversation Workbook: https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/workbook Thank you to our sponsors: Cozy Earth. Upgrade Your Every Day. Get 20% off at cozyearth.com/jefferson or use code JEFFERSON at check out. Butcher Box: $20 off your first box and free shipping at https://butcherbox.com/jefferson Momentous. Visit https://www.livemomentous.com/ and use code JEFFERSON for 35% off your first order. BetterHelp. Click https://betterhelp.com/jeffersonfisher for a discount on your first month of therapy. Order my book, The Next Conversation, or listen to the full audiobook today. Like what you hear? Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a 5-star review! Suggest a topic or ask a question for me to answer on the show! Want a FREE communication tip each week? Click here to join my newsletter. Join My School of Communication Watch my podcast on YouTube Follow me on Instagram Follow me on TikTok Follow me on LinkedIn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jefferson Fisher?

  For you. We're going to get right to the point, short, concise, direct, all that and more. Let's go. Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation, the one that changes everything. If you are listening on any platform, I'm going to ask that you find the button that says subscribe, or like, or comment, because it helps this podcast and it tells wherever you're listening that this is good quality content. And that's my promise that if you listen to these episodes and subscribe to them, I'm going to make you a better communicator. Thank you. This podcast is sponsored by, you know what, Cozy Earth. I love Cozy Earth because all of their products are extremely premium, comfortable and cozy. From bed sheets to bath towels to

• 0:45Jefferson Fisher?

  house shoes. To be honest, I've, they're house shoes. If, for those who've been listening to these episodes, they're still killing it. I have been wearing these things around the house and they're fantastic. So I, I can't recommend Cozy Earth enough. We have their bed sheets, we have their bath, they have these bath sheets. These like bath towels that are as tall as me, I'm over six foot and they're huge and they're awesome. So if you like quality products, you like things that are comfortable and cozy, look no further than Cozy Earth. You can go to cozyearth.com/jefferson, use the code Jefferson and get up to 20% off. That's cozyearth.com/jefferson, use the code Jefferson and get up to 20% off. Let's keep going.

• 1:25Jefferson Fisher?

  I speak to a lot of people, not just, I don't mean that in people in the world. I mean specifically in my job as an attorney, I speak to a lot of people and I train a lot of people in how to communicate. And one of the number one things that I hear time, time again is Jefferson, I wish I could just, I'm, I'm, I'm not very direct when it comes to depositions, cross-examination, direct examination. When I answer questions from people, I have a really hard time being direct and I, and I wish that I wasn't that way. If that's you, if you're listening and go, I wish I could be more direct. I really don't know how it sounds and I really don't know how to do it. This is the episode. I'm going to teach you exactly how to do it. So what is being direct?

• 2:09Jefferson Fisher?

  It is a straight line from A to B. That's what it is. No farther than what it needs to be, no longer than what it needs to be. It is not a detour. I want you to think of it like Google Maps or Waze or whatever you, you know, however you, maybe MapQuest, anybody?

• 2:29Jefferson Fisher?

  Think of it as a straight line. You're not taking any detours. You're not taking the scenic route in the conversation. You are getting there as fast as you can, most efficiently as you can. Yes, it's not artful. Yes, it's not some fancy sounding, very flowery language. It's just getting right to the point of exactly what you need to say. So that's, that's what direct is. What does direct sound like? Direct sounds like your words sticking, not stretching, not expanding. So think of it like in the Olympics, right?

• 3:08Jefferson Fisher?

  They have in gymnastics, in the Summer Olympics, and these gymnasts who are amazing, do these amazing things in the air. And then what's the goal here? They want to stick the landing. They do, or they talk, they say, they do what they need to do. The action is up here and then they stick the landing right there. And then they throw their hands in the air and everybody applauds. That's what you're looking for. You're not looking for the type of motion where it continues just to carry on and on and on, where it's not like, I don't know, just watch the Winter Olympics. I'm thinking of like curling, you know, where they, they do the ice, the, the block of ice. And I don't really know how it works, but it seems kind of cool. Then they have like their mops.

• 3:53Jefferson Fisher?

  Anyway, so how can we do this in your everyday communication? Here is a key and something that is, might be a hidden gem. In my opinion, speaking to customer service agents on the phone is the number one training ground for learning to speak directly. We all know what it's like to be on the phone with a customer service agent and it's 20 minutes later, 30 minutes later, and you go, this is. This is unbearable. This is terrible. I'm confused. They don't really know what I'm saying. I don't know how to get what I want, and it's just defeating. Most of the time, it has to do not with the agent, has to do with how direct you are being,

• 4:36Jefferson Fisher?

  what you are asking for. So I'm going to give you a one, two, three that's going to help you not only be more direct, but also probably help with some customer service agents. Now, first, I want to call it what it is. Customer service reps, they don't have all this space usually to be creative. They have very limited options in what they can do, like a doctor, or an attorney, or different occupations where it's like a triage. If it's not this, then it's that, and it's this decision tree of information, and that's what they're trained on. So if you don't fall into one of those categories, they don't really know how to help. And what makes it worse are these problems. One, you begin with a story.

• 5:20Jefferson Fisher?

  You begin with a story. So you start saying, okay, so the other day I bought this thing, and I, and it is not really working, and I'm not really sure, and you start giving all the background context. That is not helpful, and it's not sounding direct at all. It makes it harder and prolongs the issue. Another mistake is where you kind of hint at what you want them to do, and just expect them to kind of read your mind, rather than being direct and asking for what you want. And three, you over explain and over talk to where you feel as if they're going to feel you're justified, and so entitled, and it's going to lead them directly to the answer. You see how you're dealing with customer service in that way can be the same exact thing of how you deal with ordinary people?

• 6:05Jefferson Fisher?

  You might have the tendency to expect them to read your mind. You might have the tendency to feel like they should already know what you want and where you're going. And so you don't feel that inner desire to be direct. You just expect that they naturally know where you're going, and that you're entitled to something, and it's their job to get it. But in truth, it's your job to be direct. That's why I say that the customer service on the phone with them is the great training ground, because you can learn to say things more concisely. And you don't, I'm not at all saying, let me make this very clear. Do not call customer service just for the fun of it and be rude and be ugly and say

• 6:49Jefferson Fisher?

  things and that is not cool and that is not at all what I'm saying. What I am saying is that for you to be direct, you have to practice it. And these little customer service interactions, whether it's a waitstaff or it's a hotel staff or it's customer service, these are chances for you to practice and say exactly what you want. Before we keep going, I want to tell you about ButcherBox. When life gets busy and you don't know what you're going to eat for dinner, because we've all been there, you're just standing and staring at the fridge or at the pantry and you don't know what you're going to make for dinner and the kids are going crazy and you go, I don't know what's going to happen. ButcherBox, thank goodness for ButcherBox and my family.

• 7:33Jefferson Fisher?

  It makes dinner planning simple. ButcherBox delivers over 100 premium protein options straight to your door, including 100% grass-fed beef, free-range organic chicken, crate-free pork, and wild-caught seafood. For over a decade, they've led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic-free, hormone-free, and independently verified. Clean, trustworthy protein you can feel good about. We had one last night. I had one of the ribeyes. It was great. Every product meets the same high standards, whether you're cooking steaks or throwing chicken in the air fryer on a busy night. And with fully customizable plans, it fits your routine and your schedule. In our house, we generally like just the ground beef, the steaks, and the chicken.

• 8:15Jefferson Fisher?

  That's chicken is my, my kids love the chicken. ButcherBox has these chicken tenders and they hit every single time with my kids. So, simple staples that make it easy to stay on track. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between organic ground beef, chicken breast, or shrimp in every box for a year. Plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com/jefferson. Your choice of organic ground beef, chicken breast, or shrimp in every box for an entire year. That sounds awesome. Plus $20 off your first box and free shipping as always. That's butcherbox.com/jefferson. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. All right, let's keep going.

• 8:58Jefferson Fisher?

  How do I speak more direct? I'm so glad you asked. So here's how to do it. Number one, state the issue. In one sentence, in one sentence, for example, there's been a charge on my account. This product was not delivered. This is the problem. So if you have a, if you have a problem, if you have a hard time describing what the issue is, just finish the sentence, "This is my problem." Blank. Blank is my problem. Be very, very clear on exactly what the issue is. Number two, you have to state the impact.

• 9:42Jefferson Fisher?

  What has been the impact to you? There's a charge on my account. It cost me $75. This is late. I am not able to do this. State the impact, the harm, the consequence. It's very similar to kind of like in legal things. You have to write a petition. State a petition. And in a petition, which is a written document, you state the issue, you state the harm, and who's responsible for it? Same kind of principle. You're having to state why they are responsible. So first, you have the issue. Second, you have the impact. And third, you state the remedy. What you're wanting them to do. I've had a charge on my account.

• 10:26Jefferson Fisher?

  It's $75. I want this money back. I need a refund. I want to exchange this. I need to X. Be explicit as possible, specific as possible. This is where you get to say, "That doesn't work for me." Nope. I don't agree to that. Like, for some people, that is really hard to do. They have a hard time pushing against that. It's an uncomfortable feeling. You get to train that. It's, it is a learned skill. Believe me, it is a learned skill. You can do this. Three separate boxes here. You're going to state what the problem is. Two, state the impact. And three, state the resolution. What are you asking for? What are you needing them to do?

• 11:12Jefferson Fisher?

  You can apply this at home. At work, anytime when you get to say, here is my problem. Here's the impact to me. Here's what I'm asking you to do. Here's how you can fix it. Here's the fix that I've come up with. Don't do it to where you just take the problem and go, I leave it up to you. Find the solution. Ask exactly for the solution that you want. Now, if you say, I want a refund and customer service says, I'm sorry, sir. We can't do this. You said, that's not acceptable. Then what are my other options? Ask, what are my other options? Is there a way that I can escalate this? What, what is a solution that is available to me? How can I escalate this?

• 11:57Jefferson Fisher?

  Like, they all have a procedure in their book of what to do, when. And yeah, maybe you, you do hit a, a dead end. But you can at least rest assured that you've been direct about it and stating what you want. No, you're not, you're not going to use that company again. You, you, you know, you're going to cut off the relationship with that because it's, they're not giving you what you want. Same thing with everyday human relationships and, and romantic relationships or dating relationships. If you are not being direct and stating you what you want, you are setting yourself up for failure. It, this kind of reminds me of this quote that I heard, and it's something to the tune of,

• 12:36Jefferson Fisher?

  the single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. Right? Like where you think you were very direct and the other person doesn't feel that at all. They, they're left confused. The sharper you can be and say, hey, this is what you said. This hurt me. I want you to apologize. It's kind of the same, it's all the same system. It's all the same system. Hey, you left your, your toys out. Your Legos out. I stepped on one of them and it caused me immense pain. I need you to pick these up now. True story for me, many nights, right?

• 13:19Jefferson Fisher?

  You see how it is bam, bam, bam. You're sticking the landing every single time. It could be also as simple as. I know that you want this from me. That's something I'm not comfortable with. My answer needs to be no.

• 13:38Jefferson Fisher?

  Period. Stick the landing every time. I really like that phrase. My answer needs to be no. I need to say no. Hmm. What a good phrase. Whenever you can be very direct with somebody, they actually appreciate it more. I like to say that sometimes the kindest thing you can do is be as direct as you can be. When you're not direct with somebody, you're indirect. It's

• 14:04Jefferson Fisher?

  like it's trying to go through the back door. Like there's a front door on a house for a reason. Go up and knock on it. Go through the front door. You're not going to try and find a window that's open somewhere else. Go through the front door. That's what it's there for. People who struggle with being direct, it's usually because you're not using the right type of frame or system to deliver the message. You typically start instead with a story and you're giving context. Before we keep going, I want to take a moment to tell you about Momentous. Momentus is a company that I've been using long before they were ever a sponsor of this podcast. To me, they make the top tier supplements in a space that typically has a lot of low regulation, like people will cut corners. They just throw in a lot of sugar and things. They don't really tell you what's all in their product.

• 14:49Jefferson Fisher?

  That's why I partnered with Momentous. They're known as a high trust brand in a low trust category by holding themselves to a higher bar, which they don't have to do, but they do. They call it the Momentous standard. It's all about quality, testing and transparency done the right way. Momentus uses top tier ingredients like grass fed whey protein from European dairy cows and the purest form of creatine monohydrate with no fillers or artificial sweeteners. And every product is independently certified by NSF for Sport or Inform Sport. So you know it's tested for contaminants and verified for label accuracy, which makes me feel a lot better. In a space where trust is rare, Momentous is changing the game.

• 15:30Jefferson Fisher?

  Right now you can get 35% off your first order with promo code Jefferson at livemomentous.com. That's livemomentous.com promo code Jefferson. And now let's keep going. This happens a lot in the law firm. Well, I have a new client, potential client who calls and they talk to the receptionist and they go, "Okay, so the other day, like three months ago, I had this guy and he did this and you know, and they start saying all of the tea, all this context that's been in their mind and it's all story and it's convoluted and they're like, no, wait, wait. And so this guy, and they start dropping names and then they're like, well, he did this and then actually, you know what? Wait, let me back up.

• 16:15Jefferson Fisher?

  What he did was, that is maddening. All right. I understand that it usually comes from insecurity or fear and it's, it's the fear of that you're not giving enough information. Totally valid. What the other person hears and what the other person is doing is trying to distill like, okay, what's, what's relevant? What's not relevant? What's the issue? What's not the issue? And it's, it's like playing, um, like an I spy book game, like a Where's Waldo? Like you're just, you're searching for the things that go, that's the issue right there. But not everybody does that. They're not going to just try to find the issues for you in that

• 17:00Jefferson Fisher?

  type of capacity. Instead, they're going to be just as lost. So what are they going to do? They're going to say what they want because they don't really know what you're asking for. So you start with a story. I can promise you, you're going to end up being disappointed when it comes to being direct unless, I'd say unless, there was a reason why the story is important and that would come on the backend. So instead I would say, here's my issue. Here's the impact to me. Here's how I want you to fix it. And they're going to give a response and you say, "I'm going to give you more information because you need to know this." Right? That's when you're able to give the additional information, but you don't want to start with it because it sounds like you're trying to

• 17:49Jefferson Fisher?

  I don't know, run up, go up on an escalator that's going down like you're just going to be running in motion and not getting anywhere. All right, we've talked about what being direct is. We've talked about what being direct sounds like, how you want to stick the landing, how you want to have short choppy sentences. In my world, what I like to teach is if you can't say it in three sentences, you need to think about it again. You need to condense, you need to reduce. So if, let me give that little tidbit to you. I have a three sentence rule that I like to live

• 18:26Jefferson Fisher?

  by, both in my company and regular communication, if need be, and it's this, if I can't say it in three sentences, I need to go back and think about it. Now, the other people, if they're asking for information on something and they need context, absolutely, I'm going to give that. But in terms of me initiating a message, if I cannot say it in three sentences, not run on sentences, but actual grammatical sentences, then I need to go back to the drawing board. It's that, that quote about if, I would, I would have written you a shorter letter if I had had more time. Like it takes effort to try and condense information down. And so when I can

• 19:10Jefferson Fisher?

  do that, that's me being direct. And when I can use the method that we just talked about, what I just taught you of stating first what the issue is, to say, this is my problem.

• 19:22Jefferson Fisher?

  Two, this is the impact to me, how it has affected me. And three, the fix, the resolution, the result, this is what I am asking you to do. Whether it's just to listen, whether it's just to note it for the record, whether it is to compensate me to be able to recover something back in some way, to remedy this, that is a system that you can use in a lot of different