Sharon & Bram ask a question... in song!

Sharon & Bram of button factory fame ask Handsome a delightful, sing-song question! Plus Mae sings their answer, haunted house brainstorming, "skinamarink" and more! *** Handsome has a live-streaming holi-bobs show Dec 21! Tickets at dynastytypewriter.com http://dynastytypewriter.com/ *** Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium professional website.

• 0:22Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 0:55Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANDSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 1:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome Pod. Chat to my friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat to my friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers.

• 1:48Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I am your handsome host, Fortune Feimster.

• 1:58Mae Martin?

  I'm crumbling. You'd win any game of chicken, Tig.

• 2:04Mae Martin?

  I'm Mae Martin. I'm also a handsome host.

• 2:07Tig Notaro?

  And I am your other handsome host Tig Notaro, coming to you from the handsome pod, handsome.

• 2:17Fortune Feimster?

  Woo, what a handsome, handsome time we're having.

• 2:22Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, out of the gate, already the best day of my life. Oh, Biggie, go to YouTube, go to YouTube. Everyone, go to YouTube. Biggie's naked.

• 2:31Mae Martin?

  Should we get merch that says, go to YouTube?

• 2:35Fortune Feimster?

  Biggie's also handsome.

• 2:37Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Biggie's so stupidly cute.

• 2:42Fortune Feimster?

  How are you guys doing?

• 2:44Tig Notaro?

  Doing well.

• 2:45Mae Martin?

  I'm doing well. I'm feeling like my forehead looks shiny, so that'll be on my mind throughout the app. We'll check in with where I'm at with that.

• 2:54Fortune Feimster?

  Checking on that forehead.

• 2:55Mae Martin?

  You'll see me kind of dabbing it.

• 2:57Tig Notaro?

  I don't notice it. It's shiny, but I do remember that when you were younger, you used to wash your face with pink chalky soap.

• 3:05Mae Martin?

  Yes, thank you for remembering. I remember as well. I used to wash it eight, nine times a day. And I think it was partly because my mom said that I'm a greasy girl.

• 3:15Fortune Feimster?

  Do y'all have face routines now?

• 3:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, girl.

• 3:21Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, girl. Let me tell you, Tig.

• 3:25Tig Notaro?

  I wash my face with face wash and then I put a face cream on.

• 3:37Mae Martin?

  You know what I want to, I want to get brave enough to do, I've seen people on flights who put on like a full sheet mask for the whole flight. And you look psycho, but I really want to try it because your skin gets so dry on flights. And so they're wearing like those.

• 3:51Fortune Feimster?

  I wear them.

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 3:53Fortune Feimster?

  I have taken my J Lo beauty mask on an airplane.

• 3:57Mae Martin?

  And worn it?

• 3:58Fortune Feimster?

  And worn it. Yeah, I got no shame.

• 4:02Tig Notaro?

  Wait a minute, I am so out of this loop. Tell me about the, I'm not.

• 4:07Fortune Feimster?

  You know the face, the whole big face mask?

• 4:10Mae Martin?

  You know, you open it up, it's wet, it's got like serums on it and you put it on and it's got holes for your eyes and you leave it on.

• 4:16Fortune Feimster?

  You've never worn one?

• 4:17Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  Okay, put it on the list.

• 4:19Fortune Feimster?

  You need to get into your J Lo beauty box.

• 4:22Mae Martin?

  We need to have a spa night, the three of us.

• 4:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I've gotten into my J Lo beauty box, you know, that's how come I look so darn good at 53, but I have not opened or used anything like that. Nor have I seen anyone flying around up in the clouds with anything on their face.

• 4:38Fortune Feimster?

  I only do those on longer flights, like when I'm maybe going to Europe or something.

• 4:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:44Fortune Feimster?

  I do notice when I'm on tour and I'm on planes a lot, my face gets really broken out.

• 4:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too.

• 4:51Tig Notaro?

  Like actual acne, you get acne?

• 4:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:54Mae Martin?

  I do. I'm thirty seven years old.

• 4:56Fortune Feimster?

  And I get very dry too.

• 4:59Mae Martin?

  Me too. I get dry and acne. When is this gonna ha- stop?

• 5:03Fortune Feimster?

  Sorry.

• 5:03Tig Notaro?

  I am not experiencing.

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  Like, I am so dry right now.

• 5:10Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie!

• 5:12Mae Martin?

  I don't know that people brag about me.

• 5:14Fortune Feimster?

  I've never been dry.

• 5:15Mae Martin?

  Dry.

• 5:20Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie!

• 5:21Fortune Feimster?

  Anything else? Is it just from a face? Anyway, um, so yeah, I wear these, those ma- those facial masks. You can also get them in a drugs, you know, a drugstore one. If you just want one on the go.

• 5:36Mae Martin?

  I'm embarrassed because, um, like flights is one of the few places that I get recognized because I played a flight attendant in that show, The Flight Attendant. And it feels like a lot of flight attendants watch that show.

• 5:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 5:48Mae Martin?

  And so I do get people being, saying hello. And so if I was in a creepy face mask, like Hannibal Lecter. I'd be embarrassed.

• 5:56Tig Notaro?

  And so if you're on a flight, you have the mask on. Let's say you now have to use the restroom. You just get up, walk around, mask on your face.

• 6:07Fortune Feimster?

  No, because you only wear the facial mask for like, I don't know, what, 20 minutes?

• 6:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I thought it was for the whole flight.

• 6:14Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, no, no.

• 6:16Tig Notaro?

  I don't know, girl.

• 6:17Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe 30 minutes max, but no, it's not an all-flight thing.

• 6:22Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you just absorb, your face is absorbing all the serums and the moisture and all the stuff. And then, yeah.

• 6:31Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's great and everything, but my understanding is it's most important to hydrate from the inside.

• 6:38Mae Martin?

  You know what, Tig?

• 6:39Fortune Feimster?

  From your cooter.

• 6:39Mae Martin?

  I'm so glad.

• 6:42Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie.

• 6:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you meant drinking water. My bad, my bad, my bad.

• 6:50Tig Notaro?

  What were you going to say, May?

• 6:52Mae Martin?

  What do you think, Fortune? Like douching to hydrate from, from within?

• 6:57Fortune Feimster?

  Don't ask follow-up questions.

• 6:59Tig Notaro?

  May Marie.

• 7:02Tig Notaro?

  What were you going to say about hydrating from the inside out?

• 7:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, I was just so glad that someone said it and thanks for saying it because it's a big problem. I think everyone's dehydrated. I think a lot of our mood things, I think we all gotta drink more water.

• 7:15Fortune Feimster?

  We do.

• 7:16Tig Notaro?

  Got to.

• 7:17Mae Martin?

  Got to.

• 7:18Tig Notaro?

  I always see people with those jugs where it's like, good morning, good afternoon. You should be here and you should have this much water. And then I feel like everybody that has those, they just drink the water in the normal way they would drink the water.

• 7:33Mae Martin?

  And it just feels like hard work when your, your jug is yelling at you to drink from it. I don't know.

• 7:39Fortune Feimster?

  I end up having to tinkle a lot.

• 7:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 7:44Fortune Feimster?

  I do. I love water, though. I do drink water a lot. That is one thing I'm very good about.

• 7:50Tig Notaro?

  But as a grown adult, you do say tinkle?

• 7:54Fortune Feimster?

  I guess I do.

• 7:55Mae Martin?

  What did, what would you say, Tig?

• 7:58Tig Notaro?

  I, I, I use the restroom.

• 8:00Mae Martin?

  Use the restroom, okay.

• 8:01Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh, yeah.

• 8:02Fortune Feimster?

  Say piss.

• 8:03Tig Notaro?

  Of course, of course you would.

• 8:05Fortune Feimster?

  I would go and take a piss.

• 8:07Mae Martin?

  I gotta take, I gotta take a leak.

• 8:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, bruh.

• 8:11Mae Martin?

  I gotta drain the snake.

• 8:15Tig Notaro?

  What does Biggie say?

• 8:17Fortune Feimster?

  He says I have to go TT.

• 8:20Mae Martin?

  TT.

• 8:20Tig Notaro?

  Does he, can we hear him on the mic? Can he turn his little beak around? Hi, uh, is he licking you?

• 8:28Fortune Feimster?

  He just licked my mouth, yes.

• 8:29Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh, and do you have any issues with that?

• 8:31Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, he, he might have eaten some dookie earlier, so.

• 8:35Tig Notaro?

  Oh, God.

• 8:36Fortune Feimster?

  Not great.

• 8:37Tig Notaro?

  Okay, Jax is a germaphobe. How does she deal with dookie licks?

• 8:42Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, she's obsessed with him. He's her world, but I don't think she wants dookie licks.

• 8:48Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 8:49Fortune Feimster?

  You know what I mean? So she moves her, she moves her head.

• 8:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, to avoid dookie licks.

• 8:54Fortune Feimster?

  No dookie licks.

• 8:55Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 8:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:57Mae Martin?

  So what else is going on, guys? I was, I was fortunate you did your radio show.

• 9:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I do radio Monday through Thursday, uh, for two hours a day. It's a lot of talking.

• 9:09Mae Martin?

  A lot of talking.

• 9:10Fortune Feimster?

  A lot of talking.

• 9:11Mae Martin?

  Sometimes it'll happen in the middle of a standup set. I'll think, shut up, to myself. I'll think, I am bored of my own, like, I think.

• 9:19Fortune Feimster?

  Shut up.

• 9:19Mae Martin?

  That is, what am I talking about?

• 9:21Fortune Feimster?

  Cork it.

• 9:22Mae Martin?

  Cork it.

• 9:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but then you bust out with some amazing facts and we all learn something. So it all works out.

• 9:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Do you have any fact for us that you can kind of blow our, oh, there we are. What is it?

• 9:37Mae Martin?

  Uh, you know, possums?

• 9:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 9:39Tig Notaro?

  Of course, of course I do.

• 9:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, so when they're under a UV light, they glow pink and even biologists don't know why.

• 9:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 9:49Mae Martin?

  I don't, as far as I know, there's no, no one knows why or, and what benefit this would have for them. But they're, they glow.

• 9:57Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 9:58Mae Martin?

  The other great thing about possums, I'm sure I've said this before, is they, when they're startled, they play dead and the, and they kind of go all rigid and they lie on their backs or they fall out of a branch. And the best part about it is it's involuntary. So they could just hear a loud noise and they're like, oh shit. Cause then they're frozen for upwards of like hours.

• 10:18Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 10:19Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 10:20Tig Notaro?

  And then no control?

• 10:22Mae Martin?

  No. So imagine if that happened to humans. If you were startled and you were just like, "Ugh!", and then you had to stay like that, frozen in your own body.

• 10:29Tig Notaro?

  I guess if, if it's no getting around it, you would have to really focus on not being startled.

• 10:38Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 10:39Tig Notaro?

  You know, if you're a possum. Is it possum or opossum?

• 10:43Mae Martin?

  I've never known. I say possum.

• 10:45Fortune Feimster?

  Technically, opossum. But possum is the abbreviated version.

• 10:50Tig Notaro?

  Right. I mean, why could, why were we like?

• 10:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:54Tig Notaro?

  We can't do this o.

• 10:57Fortune Feimster?

  Too much.

• 10:57Tig Notaro?

  But we can do rhinoceros?

• 10:59Fortune Feimster?

  Would you guys like a fact from me?

• 11:01Mae Martin?

  Yes, please.

• 11:02Fortune Feimster?

  Do you know?

• 11:03Mae Martin?

  Is it gonna be about dookie or cooter?

• 11:05Fortune Feimster?

  No. Do you know where Panda Express was started?

• 11:11Mae Martin?

  America?

• 11:12Tig Notaro?

  Asia.

• 11:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, in America.

• 11:14Tig Notaro?

  It was in Asia?

• 11:16Fortune Feimster?

  It wasn't in Asia, no.

• 11:17Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 11:18Fortune Feimster?

  You know where?

• 11:19Tig Notaro?

  That is so surprising.

• 11:20Fortune Feimster?

  I knew I was gonna blow your mind. It started here in Glendale, California.

• 11:25Tig Notaro?

  That is shocking. That is absolutely shocking.

• 11:29Fortune Feimster?

  Do you know what they invented?

• 11:31Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, diarrhea?

• 11:33Fortune Feimster?

  How dare you? I love Panda Express.

• 11:37Tig Notaro?

  Well, I hope you love diarrhea.

• 11:39Mae Martin?

  Sweet and sour?

• 11:40Tig Notaro?

  Sweet and sour diarrhea.

• 11:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, where the, I love it. Do you know what they invented?

• 11:44Mae Martin?

  What?

• 11:45Fortune Feimster?

  Orange chicken.

• 11:46Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 11:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yah, bud.

• 11:49Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 11:50Fortune Feimster?

  They did.

• 11:51Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 11:53Fortune Feimster?

  And the original owners had a, had a, or still have, I think, um...

• 11:58Tig Notaro?

  Everyone gather round, fortunes.

• 12:01Fortune Feimster?

  This is my fireside chat. Original sit-down restaurant was in Pasadena.

• 12:07Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 12:07Fortune Feimster?

  Panda Inn.

• 12:09Mae Martin?

  Panda Inn. Could you spend the night?

• 12:11Fortune Feimster?

  No, just go for a cozy meal and get on out.

• 12:15Mae Martin?

  I like that.

• 12:15Fortune Feimster?

  Also, I'm not sponsored by Panda Express. I'm just telling you a fact.

• 12:22Fortune Feimster?

  What if I had a shirt on that said Panda Express?

• 12:25Tig Notaro?

  I would not be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised if you had a shirt on that said orange chicken.

• 12:30Fortune Feimster?

  I do really love orange chicken.

• 12:32Tig Notaro?

  Orange chicken number one.

• 12:34Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 12:35Tig Notaro?

  Causes number three.

• 12:36Fortune Feimster?

  No, don't you dare.

• 12:39Mae Martin?

  Number three's diarrhea?

• 12:40Tig Notaro?

  It has to be.

• 12:41Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want that on my shirt.

• 12:43Tig Notaro?

  And I promise I am also not sponsored by.

• 12:47Fortune Feimster?

  Diarrhea?

• 12:48Tig Notaro?

  Diarrhea.

• 12:50Tig Notaro?

  Or Panda Express.

• 12:53Mae Martin?

  Who of the three of us, who do you think is most easily startled? Like if we were in a haunted house and things were jumping out, who would be the, if we had the possum problem?

• 13:03Tig Notaro?

  I think May would. No, I would.

• 13:06Mae Martin?

  I'd be the most startled, I think.

• 13:08Tig Notaro?

  Okay, okay. That's what I thought, but then I realized like, I don't like scary stuff.

• 13:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:13Tig Notaro?

  I like depressing things, but I don't like, um, I don't like to be scared. I don't like to be startled.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  So you want a different kind of haunted house where it's like around every corner. It's like, climate change is happening.

• 13:28Fortune Feimster?

  Or you're just depressed by the end of it.

• 13:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:30Tig Notaro?

  Fortune has diarrhea again.

• 13:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no.

• 13:34Mae Martin?

  So maybe, do you think Fortune, you're the least like jittery of the three of us?

• 13:38Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I'm not like actively going to haunted houses, but I think once I'm there, I kind of toughen up like, I got this.

• 13:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:48Tig Notaro?

  Hey bud, step back, get away from the wife and Biggie.

• 13:53Fortune Feimster?

  You know what I do? I giggle. That's my defense mechanism in haunted houses.

• 13:58Tig Notaro?

  Do you know what I do? I yell at everyone. I'm like, this is terrible. Why are we here? Let's leave.

• 14:04Mae Martin?

  Stop.

• 14:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, stop it.

• 14:06Fortune Feimster?

  Someone unlocked a new fear for me with haunted houses that I didn't ever think about before. They said, what if an unhinged person?

• 14:15Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I had already thought, that's why I don't want to be there. Yes.

• 14:18Fortune Feimster?

  Is in the haunted house and they just start.

• 14:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, don't give more people ideas.

• 14:22Mae Martin?

  I'd never thought of that. You mean like.

• 14:24Tig Notaro?

  Are you kidding me?

• 14:25Mae Martin?

  An unhinged person just hides in there and starts, yeah, that's really scary.

• 14:30Fortune Feimster?

  Anyway, we don't have to go into it.

• 14:34Tig Notaro?

  We're gonna have to hold this episode for next Halloween.

• 14:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no.

• 14:41Tig Notaro?

  I have thought about, I think about that kind of thing all the time. And I'm like, why are people going into there?

• 14:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 14:48Tig Notaro?

  You know, I don't understand the appeal of being scared.

• 14:52Mae Martin?

  I do. And I think it's because I don't do drugs anymore. Like, I think it's, it's just like that dopamine rush. It's like a real physical high, I think. But like the escape rooms, I'm gonna do an escape room tonight, actually.

• 15:08Fortune Feimster?

  You need to feel alive.

• 15:09Tig Notaro?

  Do you go alone ever?

• 15:11Mae Martin?

  That would be truly scary and unhinged. I kind of want to now that you've said that, but no, I, I'm going with, with actually Lisa Gilroy, who we talked about on a recent episode.

• 15:22Tig Notaro?

  Tell her hello.

• 15:23Fortune Feimster?

  Just the two of you?

• 15:25Mae Martin?

  No, and our two pals. And I keep bringing Lisa to really scary experiences. And every time she's like, is this gonna be scary? And I'm like, I don't think so. And then five minutes later, she's being chased down.

• 15:37Tig Notaro?

  And how does she deal with her fear?

• 15:40Mae Martin?

  She cried one time.

• 15:43Tig Notaro?

  Did she really?

• 15:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, no, we have, that's fun. That's all fun. This one's not that scary. It's just spooky. Like, I think you're trying to solve a mystery of a murder in a spooky house, but there's no actors jumping out.

• 15:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:55Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 15:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:56Fortune Feimster?

  I've only done one escape room ever. Did I ever tell you about it?

• 16:00Mae Martin?

  No. Also, we gotta go.

• 16:02Fortune Feimster?

  I don't want to name drop, but, um,

• 16:07Fortune Feimster?

  I went with Lance Bass.

• 16:13Fortune Feimster?

  And I wish that they had known he was coming so that somehow us escaping, when we are leaving, that the song Bye Bye Bye started playing.

• 16:22Mae Martin?

  That would have been great. Yeah.

• 16:26Tig Notaro?

  Or they played Die, Die, Die.

• 16:31Fortune Feimster?

  If we don't escape.

• 16:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 16:33Tig Notaro?

  Die, die, die.

• 16:35Mae Martin?

  And did you get out? And was it a scary one?

• 16:37Tig Notaro?

  No, she's still there.

• 16:38Mae Martin?

  You're still there now?

• 16:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 16:45Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 17:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 17:14Tig Notaro?

  The handsome hollybob season is fast approaching, and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 17:36Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I use Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season, and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything I've gotten on Wayfair, and I know you will too.

• 18:04Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 18:18Speaker 00

  Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 18:20Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 18:41Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only $50 compared to that $235. Compare that to $235. $35 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 19:05Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 19:26Fortune Feimster?

  He was really good at it. Him and his husband, they were very good at it. Yeah, we got out. No thanks to me.

• 19:32Mae Martin?

  You'd be great value though. You'd be making people laugh. You'd be.

• 19:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like guys, I'd be the pumping up people like, gotta get out of here. What, let's think about this clue. Does anyone have any good guesses?

• 19:44Tig Notaro?

  What would my Nana do?

• 19:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:46Tig Notaro?

  You'd be like pulling from Nana.

• 19:48Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 19:49Tig Notaro?

  Nana guide me.

• 19:51Fortune Feimster?

  Nana guide me.

• 19:54Mae Martin?

  I get like irritable and like competitive, not irritable, but I, I really take it seriously. And I think Fortune, if you were just behind me going, guys, we gotta get out.

• 20:03Fortune Feimster?

  You would hate me.

• 20:04Mae Martin?

  Guys, we gotta find a clue. I'd be like, Fortune.

• 20:07Fortune Feimster?

  And imagine if I then to pour salt in the wound started singing Alanis.

• 20:12Mae Martin?

  Oh my.

• 20:13Fortune Feimster?

  And then I said, wait, what are the words again?

• 20:15Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 20:17Tig Notaro?

  And I'm trailing behind going, wait, I'm sorry. What is this thing? What do we do?

• 20:24Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, speaking of Halloween, I know it's been a minute, but someone made a shirt of me on stage with Alanis. And it said, the moment that almost broke up the handsome pod.

• 20:38Mae Martin?

  Are you serious?

• 20:39Fortune Feimster?

  I swear to God, it was, I reposted it and I laughed so hard. I thought that was hilarious.

• 20:47Tig Notaro?

  They made a. Shirt.

• 20:48Fortune Feimster?

  They made a whole shirt of it.

• 20:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 20:51Mae Martin?

  You know, there's this trend of like gay Halloween is people doing costumes that are really niche pop culture moments like it'll be like, and then the meme is like, I hate gay Halloween. What do you mean? You're the moment that Charlie XCX read in Us Magazine in an airport like, you know what I mean?

• 21:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:08Mae Martin?

  And that's a very niche pop culture moment.

• 21:11Tig Notaro?

  I, I don't know what that is.

• 21:13Mae Martin?

  I actually don't really know either.

• 21:14Fortune Feimster?

  Do you know the Bratz song?

• 21:15Mae Martin?

  Charlie XCX.

• 21:18Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 21:23Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 21:24Fortune Feimster?

  It was a very popular TikTok dance. Charlie, how do you say Charlie's?

• 21:29Mae Martin?

  XCX.

• 21:29Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think it's her formal last name.

• 21:33Tig Notaro?

  Okay. So, but this is a song that Charlie X R X sings.

• 21:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. She's a very popular singer. She had a Bratz summer.

• 21:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:44Tig Notaro?

  I've heard Bratz summer.

• 21:45Fortune Feimster?

  That came from her.

• 21:47Tig Notaro?

  And I don't know what Bratz summer is. Just cool?

• 21:50Fortune Feimster?

  I think so.

• 21:52Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 21:52Fortune Feimster?

  We seem old. Ooh, guys, what's wrong with us?

• 22:00Tig Notaro?

  I do. It's one of those things where it's like, I read it, I see it, I hear it, but I never asked anybody like,

• 22:07Fortune Feimster?

  What it means?

• 22:08Tig Notaro?

  What is Bratz summer?

• 22:09Fortune Feimster?

  I just assume you're doing whatever the F you want.

• 22:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, I think that's it. I want to watch the Martha Stewart documentary. That looks really good.

• 22:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I started it and I haven't finished it, even though it's been out for a minute. There was a point in it that made me laugh because um, she's a very straight face talking about how um, her husband cheated on her. And then the, the documentary, documentary guy said, well, didn't you cheat on them first? Cause you kissed that guy in a museum. And she goes, that didn't count.

• 22:48Tig Notaro?

  Is she still with her husband?

• 22:50Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 22:50Mae Martin?

  That didn't count. I think she had an affair as well. They both had affairs and I think she's, she gets into it.

• 22:56Tig Notaro?

  They were having brat summers.

• 22:58Mae Martin?

  They were having brat summers.

• 22:59Fortune Feimster?

  She's like, I hate red in my garden. If anything red blooms, I cut it.

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  Is that what she says?

• 23:06Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 23:07Mae Martin?

  Okay, well, now I'm gonna have a crush on Martha Stewart.

• 23:10Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 23:11Mae Martin?

  It's that like iconic, um, almost drag queen energy of like saying spicy stuff, having strong opinions.

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  They got divorced in 1990.

• 23:21Tig Notaro?

  I thought you said having horse drawn opinions.

• 23:28Mae Martin?

  Is that my Canadian accent?

• 23:30Tig Notaro?

  I don't know what it's. I think it's just my hearing going.

• 23:33Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 23:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, horse drawn.

• 23:34Mae Martin?

  Brat summer?

• 23:36Tig Notaro?

  Brat summer, horse drawn opinions? Who? Who's there? Oh, my God.

• 23:42Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know Martha Stewart before she became the known for what she's known for. She was a, a stockbroker.

• 23:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 23:52Fortune Feimster?

  In New York City.

• 23:54Mae Martin?

  That's a cool career change. There's a comedian in the UK called Sindhu V who's so funny. And she was in her 40s and she was in a, I think, an accountant, like a, or a sort of high powered businesswoman. And all her friends were like, you're really funny. And she had never seen stand up. She didn't know what the medium was really. And she was at like an open mic night and went up and just assumed everybody was improvising their stand up. And she just did a set and

• 24:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 24:25Mae Martin?

  Now she's like one of the biggest stand ups in the UK and she's so funny and.

• 24:29Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, wow. That's cool.

• 24:30Tig Notaro?

  That's amazing.

• 24:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:32Tig Notaro?

  I saw somebody go up on stage back in the first year I was doing comedy and she assumed that everybody was just making things up on the spot. And I have never in my life seen a bomb like that night. I mean, it was, it was so, sometimes when people.

• 24:56Tig Notaro?

  Bomb really hard. It can be really amusing and

• 24:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:59Tig Notaro?

  Everyone's having kind of a good laugh about it. This was a, oh my God, can we go to swingers and have, you know, you talk me through the, like, it was like, yeah.

• 25:13Mae Martin?

  What was she, what was she talking about? She was just like rambling?

• 25:18Tig Notaro?

  Uh, she, I, I remember it was really, really vulgar.

• 25:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:24Tig Notaro?

  Like really vulgar, just going for it and just saying stuff and.

• 25:30Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I find when people aren't comfortable, they start to cuss and be dirty onstage.

• 25:36Mae Martin?

  Is that like you at the top of this episode? Were you feeling uncomfortable?

• 25:40Fortune Feimster?

  I wasn't dirty, was I?

• 25:42Tig Notaro?

  Yes, you were. Yes.

• 25:44Fortune Feimster?

  Are you guys serious?

• 25:46Tig Notaro?

  Little lady.

• 25:48Fortune Feimster?

  Not me. I'm a pretty little lady.

• 25:52Tig Notaro?

  Well, um, should we get into our, uh, you were fortunate and we don't want to talk about it. I'd like to move on. I'd like to forget it ever happened.

• 26:00Fortune Feimster?

  I just do innuendos anyway.

• 26:03Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear, let's hear one.

• 26:06Fortune Feimster?

  That's what I did earlier.

• 26:07Tig Notaro?

  I know, but let's hear one.

• 26:08Fortune Feimster?

  And also y'all missed one of mine where you said everyone's carrying around jugs. I went, yeah.

• 26:15Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I didn't miss it. I was ignoring you.

• 26:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God. That was a good one.

• 26:20Tig Notaro?

  I, I was completely ignoring you.

• 26:22Mae Martin?

  I like that you're calling that an innuendo.

• 26:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Yeah, jugs.

• 26:27Tig Notaro?

  But to be honest, I said that there could be two jugs and I was kind of teeing somebody up and I knew who would take the bait.

• 26:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 26:36Fortune Feimster?

  Cause I've matured.

• 26:38Mae Martin?

  This all happened, this happened right under my nose?

• 26:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, right under your shrimp nose.

• 26:43Fortune Feimster?

  That's the bait that I did take?

• 26:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's the bait you did take.

• 26:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I took that bait.

• 26:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:47Fortune Feimster?

  Never mind.

• 26:48Tig Notaro?

  None of us are listening.

• 26:49Mae Martin?

  No.

• 26:50Tig Notaro?

  Let's, let's hear from our questioner today, shall we?

• 26:54Fortune Feimster?

  The questioners are two of the most

• 26:59Fortune Feimster?

  tame, kind.

• 27:02Mae Martin?

  Iconic children's under

• 27:05Fortune Feimster?

  So I apologize for

• 27:07Tig Notaro?

  How we tee them up?

• 27:08Fortune Feimster?

  Annie and you, and know that I had earlier, I'm going to now be the mature version of myself.

• 27:15Tig Notaro?

  Despicable.

• 27:16Fortune Feimster?

  Because today's questioners are two thirds of the iconic Canadian children's folk music trio, Sharon, Lois and Bram, known for their iconic songs like Old John Brattle, Brattleum.

• 27:33Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 27:34Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 27:36Fortune Feimster?

  Do you guys know what Brattleum is?

• 27:38Mae Martin?

  It's that.

• 27:39Tig Notaro?

  It's that song.

• 27:41Fortune Feimster?

  Skinamarink. We know that song, right? Skinamarinky dingy dingy dingy.

• 27:47Fortune Feimster?

  Fish and chips and vinegar. And of course, hi, my name is Joe. I got a wife and three kids and I work in a button factory. Guys.

• 27:58Mae Martin?

  Guys, I can't believe this is a full circle moment.

• 28:01Fortune Feimster?

  It's a full circle moment because we talked very early on, on the handsome pod, I introduced you guys to the Joe, the button maker factory song. We were, you, you guys were, what are you talking about?

• 28:15Mae Martin?

  I thought I was in some kind of like fever dream. I didn't know it was world famous. People sounded off in the comments.

• 28:22Fortune Feimster?

  We posted the clip and the internet went wild.

• 28:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:27Fortune Feimster?

  So many people commented, it brought up this whole new love of this song. People were like, I know this song. Oh my gosh. And then our friends here, they posted their singing of it. That went viral. It was a whole wonderful moment.

• 28:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:44Fortune Feimster?

  So here they are on the handsome pod, asking today's question, Sharon and Bram asking a question.

• 28:51Mae Martin?

  Sharon, Sharon Hampson and Bramwell Morrison. I never knew that Bram was, his full name is Bramwell Morrison. I did not know that either, May. I love that I know that.

• 29:02Tig Notaro?

  Now we know.

• 29:04Speaker 04

  Hi, I'm Sharon.

• 29:06Speaker 05

  I'm Bram.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  If you know anything about Sharon, Lois and Bram, you know, we love food.

• 29:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, one of our favorite foods is jelly.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  We're gonna have some jelly. Hooray, hooray. We're gonna have some jelly. Hooray, hooray. Jelly for our dinner. Jelly every day. Jelly, jelly in my belly. Hip, hip, hip, hooray. Two, four, six, eight. Tell me what's on the handsome plate.

• 29:43Tig Notaro?

  Whoa. If that song doesn't go viral.

• 29:48Mae Martin?

  Oh my gosh.

• 29:50Tig Notaro?

  Right off the top of your head, Fortune, can you repeat that song they just sang?

• 29:56Fortune Feimster?

  Jelly, jelly on my belly, belly, jelly on my plate, jelly in the jelly and jelly, hip, hooray.

• 30:03Tig Notaro?

  So the answer is no.

• 30:08Mae Martin?

  Oh my God, that was so joyful.

• 30:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:11Fortune Feimster?

  They're asking us what's on the handsome plate in one of the best ways we've ever been asked the question.

• 30:17Mae Martin?

  I know. Why aren't we demanding songs from our questioners?

• 30:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, why aren't we?

• 30:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we need to change that.

• 30:25Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think Jen Ransohn will redo her question into song?

• 30:28Tig Notaro?

  I think she will.

• 30:29Fortune Feimster?

  Or Tom Hanks.

• 30:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 30:31Mae Martin?

  Do you think we need to answer in song?

• 30:33Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa, that's gonna be, I mean, you're a musician, May.

• 30:36Mae Martin?

  No, but anytime I'm put on the spot on this pod, I bomb. Anytime we're improvising some kind of rap or song, it goes, you guys crush it. Then it comes to me and I, I absolutely panic.

• 30:49Fortune Feimster?

  You wrote the iconic song, chatting with friends on the handsome pub. Chatting with friends on the handsome pub.

• 31:00Speaker 00

  Cheers. Clank, clank.

• 31:04Mae Martin?

  Oh man, what's on the handsome plate?

• 31:06Fortune Feimster?

  I'm assuming that's asking us what's our favorite food?

• 31:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:11Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 31:11Mae Martin?

  I just want mine to be a song so badly. So I'll work on it. You answer first.

• 31:16Fortune Feimster?

  You think, come up with in your head what you think this song would be. I don't think I have the skills to write that song into song.

• 31:22Tig Notaro?

  Have I told you guys I have become obsessed with my new smoothie?

• 31:29Mae Martin?

  No, let's hear about it.

• 31:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, boy.

• 31:32Mae Martin?

  Oh, boy.

• 31:34Fortune Feimster?

  It's gonna be a good one, but unless. Berries in it, which it probably does.

• 31:38Tig Notaro?

  You don't like berries?

• 31:39Fortune Feimster?

  The seeds, fortune hates the seeds.

• 31:40Tig Notaro?

  Right. Gosh, well, you can skip the berries.

• 31:44Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 31:45Tig Notaro?

  But I'm real into this. Okay.

• 31:48Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 31:49Tig Notaro?

  And I haven't even been having my decaf latte or quartado or anything in the morning. Because I get so excited now to make this smoothie and I feel so good. That it almost feels like my taste buds, my body doesn't even want any sort of coffee beverage.

• 32:11Fortune Feimster?

  Really?

• 32:12Mae Martin?

  Interesting.

• 32:13Fortune Feimster?

  And what you feel energized, you feel.

• 32:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, I feel really good. But I put unsweetened soy milk.

• 32:21Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 32:22Tig Notaro?

  Uh, half a banana. Chia seeds, hemp seeds, oats, spinach.

• 32:30Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 32:31Tig Notaro?

  Broccoli.

• 32:32Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 32:32Mae Martin?

  Broccoli.

• 32:33Fortune Feimster?

  Broccoli.

• 32:34Mae Martin?

  You lost me.

• 32:34Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't see broccoli coming. Spinach I know is a thing in healthy smoothies, but broccoli is a whoa.

• 32:40Tig Notaro?

  Or here's the other thing, one of a massive cancer fighter is broccoli sprouts.

• 32:47Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 32:48Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 32:49Fortune Feimster?

  All right.

• 32:49Tig Notaro?

  And broccoli sprouts, real good to eat. And so sometimes I'll just put broccoli sprouts in there. And if I don't have broccoli sprouts, I have frozen broccoli that I put in there. I personally also add frozen wild blueberries, raspberries as well.

• 33:07Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 33:07Tig Notaro?

  And flax seeds, just, just a whole tornado of stuff in there.

• 33:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that sounds like a healthy thing, a smoothie.

• 33:16Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 33:16Mae Martin?

  Is it filling up like a, a big cup?

• 33:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, it's like a 750 calorie smoothie. It's like massive.

• 33:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's a good way. I'm gonna buy a blender.

• 33:26Tig Notaro?

  I also will put a plant based protein powder in there. Oh, I haven't finished. I also put either peanut butter or almond butter in there.

• 33:37Fortune Feimster?

  That.

• 33:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 33:40Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, um.

• 33:42Mae Martin?

  That's your handsome plate.

• 33:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, and cinnamon. I put cinnamon in there.

• 33:45Fortune Feimster?

  And is this a? Meal?

• 33:47Tig Notaro?

  Um, I'll have that for breakfast.

• 33:49Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 33:50Tig Notaro?

  You know, whether it's my um overnight oats or my smoothie.

• 33:54Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 33:55Tig Notaro?

  Um, and then, you know, I love a grain bowl.

• 33:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 33:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, so um, those are the things that I love.

• 34:03Mae Martin?

  And when you're in Toronto, are you doing that smoothie?

• 34:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, I am. And in the, I truly, when I go to bed at night, I cannot wait to wake up and have this smoothie.

• 34:13Mae Martin?

  I got, when I was filming, I asked catering to make me like a smoothie every morning with all kinds of stuff in it.

• 34:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:19Mae Martin?

  And I did look forward to it.

• 34:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 34:22Tig Notaro?

  It makes me really excited to get up and start my day.

• 34:24Fortune Feimster?

  Nice.

• 34:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 34:26Fortune Feimster?

  You're so healthy. I love it.

• 34:28Tig Notaro?

  I try, but you know what? I also, I landed really late. My flight was late the other night. I went to my show. I didn't have time to stop to eat and um, just ate a big old basket of french fries, so. I also sneak in um, anything like that.

• 34:44Mae Martin?

  Um, Fortune, what's on your handsome plate?

• 34:46Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, definitely different. Definitely different.

• 34:50Tig Notaro?

  Orange, orange chicken.

• 34:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Sign me up.

• 34:59Fortune Feimster?

  What is on my handsome plate? I could have been thinking about this, but I was in the moment, listening about your very healthy smoothie.

• 35:08Mae Martin?

  I was not in the moment listening. I was trying to write my song.

• 35:14Fortune Feimster?

  I, if I'm doing a smoothie, I really like almond milk, almond butter, dates, banana, protein powder. To me, that's like a yummy, yummy-tastic.

• 35:27Mae Martin?

  This is all, this is all a lot more complicated than jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly, jelly.

• 35:32Fortune Feimster?

  Sure is, but.

• 35:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 35:34Fortune Feimster?

  Their jelly song did make me think of something that's not the, the healthiest snack, but I do love it. I'm not gonna lie. It is a uncrustable.

• 35:42Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:44Tig Notaro?

  Oh, the peanut butter and jelly?

• 35:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, peanut butter and jelly.

• 35:47Mae Martin?

  I think you told me about that.

• 35:48Tig Notaro?

  You talked about that.

• 35:49Mae Martin?

  And I'd, I'd never heard of it. And then I tried it and I love it.

• 35:52Fortune Feimster?

  They're amazing. You can get them on set. Usually sets have them because they're very easy, an easy snack. I'm not allowed to buy them at home because they're full of processed things, I'm sure. And, or, yeah, I'm pretty confident about that.

• 36:07Tig Notaro?

  Million percent.

• 36:07Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so on my plate, I would say, um, I'm going back to, to my standard, uh, pad thai. You guys know what I mean?

• 36:18Mae Martin?

  Love a pad thai, yeah.

• 36:20Fortune Feimster?

  Love a pad thai. It's on my plate.

• 36:22Mae Martin?

  Like a pad seu.

• 36:23Fortune Feimster?

  In my belly. Pad seu is good, too. Jack, that's Jack's favorite for Thai food.

• 36:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 36:28Fortune Feimster?

  Mine's, mine's a pad thai. That's on my plate, y'all.

• 36:33Tig Notaro?

  Yes, ma'am.

• 36:34Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 36:36Tig Notaro?

  With some tofu in there, right?

• 36:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I like tofu. Uh, yeah. Sometimes I do get chicken. I know I need to be eating less meat, so.

• 36:44Tig Notaro?

  When I was in Mississippi, um, a couple of years ago, or maybe it was a year ago, something, who cares? One of my cousins was talking about how disgusting she thought tofu was. And my other cousin genuinely said, "Baby, don't say that. You're gonna hurt Tig's feelings."

• 37:04Tig Notaro?

  And she was like, "What? It tastes like you're just chewing on your own thumb."

• 37:10Tig Notaro?

  Chewing on your own thumb. And it made me laugh to think like, that I was that sensitive. That I'm like, "Don't talk about tofu like that."

• 37:20Fortune Feimster?

  I love tofu so much. It hurts deep. It cuts me deep.

• 37:25Tig Notaro?

  So painful what you said.

• 37:28Fortune Feimster?

  How, I will ask, why is the tofu in the pad thai usually kind of?

• 37:32Mae Martin?

  Kind of hard. And then the tofu in the grocery store is really soft. I guess they deep fried it in the pack.

• 37:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you haven't, they haven't fried it yet. Um, I mean, you don't have to fry it. You can roast tofu.

• 37:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:45Tig Notaro?

  You can, you, you can do many different things.

• 37:49Mae Martin?

  They're frying that baby.

• 37:50Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 37:51Mae Martin?

  Okay. Do you guys want to hear my song? Oh.

• 37:53Tig Notaro?

  Of course.

• 37:54Mae Martin?

  I can't wait. Okay, ready?

• 37:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:58Mae Martin?

  When I'm feeling lonely, the feeling sometimes lingers. I get a plate and I take out some frozen chicken fingers. When my soul is aching and my mood cannot be saved, I put some breaded chicken into my microwave. Crunchy on the outside, fluffy chicken in between. I'm the happiest handsome that the world has ever seen. Don't care where it came from, don't care, don't care where it's been. As long as it's frozen chicken fingers, I'm living the dream.

• 38:26Tig Notaro?

  Yay. Well done, little cowboy.

• 38:31Mae Martin?

  Thanks so much.

• 38:32Tig Notaro?

  Cowboy. Why wasn't it a country song, little cowboy?

• 38:36Mae Martin?

  Oh, it was kind of. It had a little twang in there. Handsome, yeah. Yeah, I'm ever slain. I went comfort food, yeah. That was, may, that's impressive. That's great rhyming.

• 38:47Tig Notaro?

  You're a real talent.

• 38:48Mae Martin?

  In very, in a very short amount of time. That was so not impressive. You guys are so nice to me. It is impressive to us. Wow. And our friends would be so impressed too. When they hear this pod, their minds are going to be blown because they're. I hope Sharon and Bram, I mean, there's a sort of vague hint of depression running through it. There's like, you know, you can listen, there's a, there's a darkness there. Oh. You didn't pick that up with my soul is aching and my mood cannot be saved? Hmm, I think I missed that part. I think you guys, you just heard the jaunty melody and you didn't hear the. The jaunty melody, didn't I? How did that escape me?

• 39:28Mae Martin?

  When I'm feeling lonely, the feeling sometimes lingers. I get a plate and I take out some frozen chicken fingers.

• 39:34Tig Notaro?

  I have to be honest, when you said lingers, I knew chicken fingers was coming, did you?

• 39:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I got excited because I love, I also love chicken fingers. Love it. I think I was just impressed.

• 39:45Fortune Feimster?

  That you were rhyming lingers and fingers. And I wasn't thinking about the under, the undertone.

• 39:52Mae Martin?

  I had some for lunch today. I had some frozen chicken fingers and an Amy's microwaveable frozen mushroom risotto. I gotta start cooking.

• 40:00Fortune Feimster?

  Love Amy's.

• 40:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:02Tig Notaro?

  Having just like a frozen bean and rice burrito in the freezer is real helpful to just be like.

• 40:08Fortune Feimster?

  I do have one of those Amy's burritos in there.

• 40:11Tig Notaro?

  Now, Fortune, can you sing my smoothie?

• 40:16Fortune Feimster?

  Tig has got a smoothie. It helps with your booty. It's got a lot of things in it that are good for you. It's got broccoli and banana and berries. No poo. Cause Tig doesn't like the, um, her shoes.

• 40:36Tig Notaro?

  That's so good.

• 40:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:38Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, did you come up with that right off?

• 40:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 40:42Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 40:43Fortune Feimster?

  I just made it up too.

• 40:45Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 40:46Mae Martin?

  If I was gonna do a song about your smoothie, Tig, I'd, I'd really.

• 40:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, May, what you got?

• 40:51Mae Martin?

  Well, I'd luxuriate around the unsweetened soy milk. So it'd be like, it'd be more like, unsweetened soy milk. Like it'd be really kind of sexy.

• 41:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like.

• 41:04Fortune Feimster?

  Like a lounge singer.

• 41:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, crooner. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:07Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Let's hear it.

• 41:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we're ready.

• 41:11Mae Martin?

  Well, if you're wondering what's in my cup, I'll tell you that it tracks. Cause I'm combining twenty five ingredients with flax.

• 41:24Tig Notaro?

  That's good, May.

• 41:25Fortune Feimster?

  That was good.

• 41:26Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh.

• 41:27Fortune Feimster?

  May, I think you should start running jingles.

• 41:30Tig Notaro?

  Sharon and Bram are gonna feel like we're running them out of town with all this talent.

• 41:38Fortune Feimster?

  One Canadian. Running the other Canadians out of town.

• 41:43Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 41:43Mae Martin?

  They look amazing and sound amazing and

• 41:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 41:46Mae Martin?

  And their voices are so familiar to me. It's like part of my DNA. I love it. I think I saw them live when I was a kid.

• 41:52Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 41:52Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, were you did?

• 41:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they used to um do tours and I'm certain I saw them live and I stood up and did the skin and marink. You think you think there's a dance that goes with it. I don't remember what it is.

• 42:04Fortune Feimster?

  Thomas knows who they are too. They were big in Canada, right? I mean, they they came down to the States as well, but.

• 42:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, I also saw them live as a kid.

• 42:12Mae Martin?

  That's hilarious. Imagine if you and I were didn't know that we were next to each other.

• 42:17Tig Notaro?

  Screaming your heads off.

• 42:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, screaming like we were seeing the Beatles.

• 42:23Mae Martin?

  Thomas faints.

• 42:27Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think that's where your love of jingles and rhyming songs started?

• 42:33Mae Martin?

  I didn't know I had a love of jingles.

• 42:34Tig Notaro?

  Good question.

• 42:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, great.

• 42:36Tig Notaro?

  Good question.

• 42:37Mae Martin?

  I didn't know until this moment.

• 42:38Fortune Feimster?

  Hard hitting journalism.

• 42:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:39Fortune Feimster?

  You didn't know that that was a skill you possessed?

• 42:42Mae Martin?

  No, no, not till this very moment.

• 42:44Tig Notaro?

  Look down at that paper.

• 42:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 42:47Tig Notaro?

  Cause it's right there.

• 42:49Fortune Feimster?

  Look down, little cowboy and see what you're capable of.

• 42:52Mae Martin?

  But if I listen back to this episode, I'm gonna be embarrassed because I'm gonna notice that when you guys are talking, I'm just like, uh huh. Mm, well, yeah.

• 42:59Fortune Feimster?

  No, but we gave you that assignment.

• 43:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true. It was an assignment. Yeah, okay. So that's okay. Do you guys show love with food, like cooking for someone?

• 43:08Fortune Feimster?

  I think they would think I was showing hate. Because they tasted something I made. They were like, why do you hate me?

• 43:16Mae Martin?

  Why do you hate me?

• 43:17Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not a good cook. I know you said Stephanie is a good cook.

• 43:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she uh she she got into to cooking and um.

• 43:25Mae Martin?

  And loves her own cooking. That's what I love about.

• 43:27Tig Notaro?

  I mean, she loves it so. She can't believe how good every meal is that she makes. It's so funny.

• 43:35Tig Notaro?

  I mean, no notes. She has no notes for herself.

• 43:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's impressive too.

• 43:40Tig Notaro?

  So great. She did make some some type of loaf once that was sweating.

• 43:47Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my god. Did you tell her? Didn't care for it?

• 43:51Tig Notaro?

  Uh, no, we were laughing so hard when she took it out of the oven and it was truly sweating.

• 43:57Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my god.

• 43:58Tig Notaro?

  And I have to say, um, we, we laugh at the house still about Thomas because he was, has been around for so long in our lives, like as an assistant and like when the babies were born and he's just been around forever and Stephanie will every now and then be like, oh, my god, I can't believe the things that Thomas ate. Or like, like, we would just turn and be like, Thomas, do you want this? And he'd be like, uh, yes, please.

• 44:28Tig Notaro?

  It would, but that's how like when you have kids and babies, you're just cleaning up scraps and like what they don't eat. And that was kind of our diet for a few years. It was like, I would say me, Stephanie and Thomas lived off of like crust and mac, you know, mac and cheese. And jelly, and jelly.

• 44:48Fortune Feimster?

  Jelly.

• 44:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. But, uh, yeah, every now and then it comes up of like the things that Thomas ate that Max and Finn didn't eat. But I mean, we did too. It's just he's not their parent.

• 45:00Fortune Feimster?

  Right. He just.

• 45:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. He was just there. We were like, do you want this?

• 45:03Fortune Feimster?

  Garberator.

• 45:05Tig Notaro?

  Sure. Thomas, do you have that memory as well?

• 45:08Speaker 06

  For sure. And I, I had three younger brothers growing up, so I think it just came automatically like, yeah, all the

• 45:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Are you a picky eater?

• 45:19Speaker 06

  Not anymore. I was as a kid.

• 45:20Tig Notaro?

  I was so picky. Pickles and, uh, cheese. That was what I lived off of.

• 45:26Fortune Feimster?

  Really? Because you were how old when you became vegan?

• 45:30Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I, like, it's been eight years, I think.

• 45:32Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 45:33Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 45:33Fortune Feimster?

  And were, were you vegetarian before that?

• 45:36Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 45:36Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa, you went from eating everything to vegan?

• 45:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I, I ate whatever. And then after I was sick, I was still having like pain and people just had recommended that I try. Eating plant-based and I read about it and tried it out and then never turned back.

• 45:56Mae Martin?

  I know it's in my future. I'm just kind of holding off till the moment comes, but I know it is in my future. But right now it's these frozen chicken fingers. You can get pretty good fake chicken fingers though.

• 46:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, we have, once a week, Max and Finn have these little chicken nuggets that are so good.

• 46:13Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 46:14Tig Notaro?

  They're so good, but it's after they have baseball practice because their friends used to all go to this little restaurant and have chicken nuggets. And they had these vegan chicken nuggets and Stephanie found them in the store, the exact kind that the restaurant had.

• 46:32Mae Martin?

  Oh man, I wish somebody would like organize my life into rituals like that. Like the way when you're a kid, you're like, on Wednesday, we do this. And like, and then I have my baseball on this day. Like, I'm with you. It was like, that would be so relaxing.

• 46:45Fortune Feimster?

  A nugget day?

• 46:46Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, time for a nugget.

• 46:48Mae Martin?

  A nugget day sounds good. And, and I wish someone once a day would tell me it's bath time. That would be really good.

• 46:56Fortune Feimster?

  Tig and I just text you, it's bath time.

• 47:01Tig Notaro?

  Soak your derriere in the hot water.

• 47:03Fortune Feimster?

  It is bath time.

• 47:06Tig Notaro?

  Hey baby, it's bath time.

• 47:07Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not gonna lie, I like a bath too. I'm a bath person.

• 47:11Tig Notaro?

  I love a bath.

• 47:12Mae Martin?

  Love it.

• 47:13Fortune Feimster?

  Love a bath bomb. I'll go into that expensive ass bath bomb store and pick one up.

• 47:19Tig Notaro?

  With your face mask on, you don't care. Yeah.

• 47:22Fortune Feimster?

  I'm like, this is $12? That's crazy. I'll take it.

• 47:26Mae Martin?

  I'm doing bath bombs on the plane in that little sink.

• 47:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God.

• 47:32Fortune Feimster?

  I do have a surprise for you guys. Now I know Sharon and Bram, they, they technically asked a question and told us an answer all in one go.

• 47:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:43Fortune Feimster?

  But they didn't want to leave us hanging at the end and um, I don't, I don't want to spoil the surprise.

• 47:50Tig Notaro?

  Are they here in person?

• 47:52Fortune Feimster?

  Like the Indigo Girls?

• 47:55Fortune Feimster?

  A little extra treat for us.

• 47:59Tig Notaro?

  Let's hear it.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-dink, skin-a-ma-rinky-doo. I love you. I love you, Fortune. I love you.

• 48:11Speaker 05

  I love you, Tig.

• 48:13Speaker 04

  I love you. I love you, May. I love you, too. Boop, boop, boop, boop.

• 48:27Tig Notaro?

  Oh my god. What a day.

• 48:33Mae Martin?

  That is huge.

• 48:36Fortune Feimster?

  May, you have tears in your eyes.

• 48:38Mae Martin?

  I actually do. Like, that, that is really incredible.

• 48:42Fortune Feimster?

  Did you hear, I don't know if you could hear it, Bram said, "A."

• 48:45Mae Martin?

  He did?

• 48:46Fortune Feimster?

  Like a Canadian.

• 48:47Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 48:48Mae Martin?

  I also got, look, I'm actually tearing up. I, I got really, um, nervous when they did Fortune and Tig. For some reason, I thought they're not gonna say my, they don't have a name.

• 48:57Fortune Feimster?

  Come on, little cowboy. They can't forget you.

• 49:00Tig Notaro?

  We asked them to not include you, but they insisted.

• 49:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, man, I'm gonna really, uh, treasure that forever.

• 49:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you can, we'll send you the video and everything. You can have it. So whenever you're having a bad day, you can pull that out and, and remember that you're loved.

• 49:18Mae Martin?

  Boop, boop, boop.

• 49:19Fortune Feimster?

  I always think it's such an interesting thing, those, those full circle moments like that. Where you like, think of yourself like, as a kid.

• 49:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 49:29Fortune Feimster?

  Listening to them and here we are, grown ass adults.

• 49:32Mae Martin?

  Seriously.

• 49:33Fortune Feimster?

  Still wooed by the magic of those songs.

• 49:36Mae Martin?

  And if I could go, yeah, if I could go back in time to being at their live show and hearing them say my name, oh my god, I would have freaked.

• 49:45Mae Martin?

  That's amazing.

• 49:46Fortune Feimster?

  I just appreciate that they so fully backed me up about Joe and the Button Factory.

• 49:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they were like, this is real and it's a huge hit and this is how it goes.

• 49:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, big hit.

• 49:57Mae Martin?

  I thought that might be the surprise that they were gonna sing the button song. It blew it out of the water.

• 50:03Fortune Feimster?

  You can go, you can go on their, their socials and they have that video of them singing Joe and the, Joe, what is it called? Joe the Button?

• 50:12Tig Notaro?

  Shrinky Dink.

• 50:12Mae Martin?

  Button Maker. Joe the Button Maker.

• 50:14Speaker 06

  Hi, my name is Joe, I think.

• 50:15Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, hi.

• 50:16Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's called, hi, my name is Joe.

• 50:17Fortune Feimster?

  Hi, my name is Joe.

• 50:19Mae Martin?

  Equivalent of like, if Paul McCartney sent us a video and instead of singing, Hey Jude, he sang like, Hey Fortune. Like, you know?

• 50:28Fortune Feimster?

  Hey, May.

• 50:30Mae Martin?

  Oh, I got goosebumps.

• 50:32Tig Notaro?

  Hey Tig. Do you know what Hey Jude is about?

• 50:36Fortune Feimster?

  No, is this a Tig fact?

• 50:39Mae Martin?

  It's about Julian Lennon?

• 50:41Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 50:41Mae Martin?

  I love that. He wrote about John's son, Julian.

• 50:46Fortune Feimster?

  That's sweet.

• 50:46Mae Martin?

  I love it. And did you know Saint Jude is the patron saint of lost causes?

• 50:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 50:52Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, did not know that either.

• 50:54Tig Notaro?

  What an odd thing.

• 50:56Mae Martin?

  There's some weird saints, man. I mean, that's a beautiful poetic one, but there's also, um, Saint Sidney is the patron saint of rabid dogs.

• 51:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that makes sense, yeah.

• 51:07Fortune Feimster?

  Do you guys want more Panda Express facts?

• 51:09Tig Notaro?

  Yes, please.

• 51:10Mae Martin?

  Yes, please.

• 51:12Fortune Feimster?

  The owners are a couple and they've been married for like 47 years and they're called Sweethearts.

• 51:19Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 51:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 51:21Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 51:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Everyone knows that one, though.

• 51:26Mae Martin?

  I think I might order from there tonight.

• 51:29Fortune Feimster?

  Again, not sponsored by Panda Express. Just happen to know these random facts.

• 51:35Tig Notaro?

  Well, I feel like we really nailed it with this episode. I mean, what a podcast, guys.

• 51:43Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 51:45Tig Notaro?

  Share your favorite episodes with all of your favorite friends and family and let's continue to grow the community. Subscribe, review, rate.

• 51:56Mae Martin?

  Pick up some, we have some Wicked merch on our website. Some really good stuff.

• 52:01Fortune Feimster?

  We're not selling merch for the movie Wicked. It's just wicked cool old merch.

• 52:08Mae Martin?

  We've decided to sell merch from the movie.

• 52:14Fortune Feimster?

  I love that.

• 52:14Tig Notaro?

  We also have a live streaming Holiday Extravaganza on December 21st. And we want you to be there. So get your ticket now at our social media pages or dynastytypewriter.com. Have a viewing party.

• 52:32Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 52:32Tig Notaro?

  Dress like a handsome host.

• 52:36Fortune Feimster?

  Tag us. Which so many people did on Halloween, by the way.

• 52:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 52:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I loved it.

• 52:41Fortune Feimster?

  So cool.

• 52:42Tig Notaro?

  That was fun.

• 52:43Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know why people were putting a pillow in their costume for me, but whatevs.

• 52:48Mae Martin?

  I don't know why when people were doing my hair, they were often wearing like a Princess Diana wig, almost. Like it was blonde, like. Yeah.

• 52:58Tig Notaro?

  I don't know why people are dressed like their grandfather for me.

• 53:02Fortune Feimster?

  I did see some mustaches, which was hilarious. But yeah, we're gonna be in our home, that, you know, Dynasty Typewriter home base with the, all the great equipment. So it's gonna be smooth sailing.

• 53:14Tig Notaro?

  If you're in Toronto, come to Comedy Bar and check me out, working out my new material. I pretty much live there.

• 53:23Mae Martin?

  I'm at Largo a couple of times a month, so check out my Instagram. I'm also doing a benefit in Toronto on the 15th for Birdsong Foundation, so check that out.

• 53:35Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you to all the people who've watched my special on Netflix, crushing it. Please continue to watch it, because any, any viewing helps. And yeah, I'm very proud of it.

• 53:48Mae Martin?

  Watch it and then just like leave it playing in the background over and over.

• 53:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 53:52Fortune Feimster?

  And if you don't have time to watch it right now, just turn it on, because the first few weeks are on Netflix, very, very important. So.

• 53:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:00Fortune Feimster?

  If you know you're gonna watch it with your family over the holidays, just turn it on now.

• 54:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:04Fortune Feimster?

  And you can get to it then. And also, I just announced a bunch of tour dates for my new tour that will be starting in the new year.

• 54:15Tig Notaro?

  Well, we did it again. And until next time, I mean.

• 54:20Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 54:24Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Themster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 54:42Tig Notaro?

  What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 54:48Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum podcast.

• 54:51Tig Notaro?

  Handsome's the audio version of my comedy special hello again is available everywhere just in time for the holidays. Go to Tignotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one now.

• 55:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door. I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead and now everything's out of alignment.

• 55:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl Rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog.

• 55:57Fortune Feimster?

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo. We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. And your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well. Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.