MBMBaM 834: You Ain't Never Ate an Egg Like Me

We’re finally transforming from Talk-Boys into Talk MEN! That means we can finally get ads from the downstairs razor company and answer all your questions about big boy topics! Like pissing yourself in a race car, counting eggs, and the classic movie monster Lil’ Pinhead. Suggested talking points: Quantum Mandela, We're Not a Chess Family, I'm Not as Egg-Resistant as Gaston, It's Always Mouth Stuff with Griffin, Unlicensed Scaring Center for Reproductive Rights: https://reproductiverights.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:18Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog Wolf of Room from the heater award-winning McElroy.

• 1:23Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, what's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Hey.

• 1:26Travis McElroy?

  We are taking it back to last year's theme. We need to flashback 2025. Things were way different.

• 1:34Griffin McElroy?

  Do not remember. Was that the mushroom one? Was that?

• 1:36Travis McElroy?

  No, that was Thunder Drive, baby. Faster than fear.

• 1:40Travis McElroy?

  Faster than fear. 27 fast than fear.

• 1:42Travis McElroy?

  My kids understood that way more than they understand this year's theme. This year's theme is tricky.

• 1:48Griffin McElroy?

  I remember Tummy Buddy Life. I remember Tummy Buddy Life. That one rings a bell.

• 1:53Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man. Mandela effect, am I right?

• 1:56Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think it works. Actually, in this case, this would be like if Mandela both died and did not die.

• 2:01Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Quantum Mandela.

• 2:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:04Travis McElroy?

  Do you think, do you think, I've never thought about this, but do you think Nelson Mandela ever forgot stuff and then he would show up and be like, damn it, where's the papers? And he'd be like, Mandela effect. What can you do?

• 2:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:14Travis McElroy?

  I forgot it. Sorry.

• 2:16Griffin McElroy?

  Our son's birthday party was today. Oh, man. I really Mandela affected this one.

• 2:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I thought you said it was tomorrow.

• 2:22Travis McElroy?

  Mandela effect, huh?

• 2:23Travis McElroy?

  Yes. My special effect.

• 2:27Travis McElroy?

  I'm always getting stuff mixed up. This is an update. We get listeners' updates. Sometimes, sometimes the updates are answers to conversations that we, I'm sure we had at some point.

• 2:42Travis McElroy?

  We had last week.

• 2:43Travis McElroy?

  This has to be prompted by something, but I really don't, I can't remember the stuff and say the stuff at the same time.

• 2:50Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no.

• 2:51Travis McElroy?

  You can't record and playback at the same time on a cassette tape.

• 2:55Travis McElroy?

  Think about a talk boy. Yeah. Think about a talk, I'm a talk boy. I talk.

• 2:59Griffin McElroy?

  We're three talk, talk boys.

• 3:00Travis McElroy?

  Three talk boys. You can't record and play.

• 3:02Griffin McElroy?

  Going on Talk Men. We'll get there someday.

• 3:06Travis McElroy?

  You are Talk Boy Going on Talk Men. That's the name of our next podcast.

• 3:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:13Travis McElroy?

  By the way, once we stop doing this baby shit, it's gonna be Talk Men.

• 3:18Travis McElroy?

  Talk Men. Well, we're gonna Talk Men. What's the deal with the men?

• 3:22Griffin McElroy?

  I can't wait to get those big men advertisers like, what's it called? Nut Sack, the one?

• 3:28Travis McElroy?

  Everybody's got ball shaving. They never let us do ball shaving.

• 3:32Griffin McElroy?

  They don't let us do it. That's fucking crazy, man.

• 3:36Travis McElroy?

  We would have done so good when everybody was getting into ball shaving.

• 3:39Griffin McElroy?

  When everyone was just shilling for Smooth Nut, I would love to get that Smooth Nut money. Nope.

• 3:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:47Travis McElroy?

  I'm all about, I'm all about Full Bush and Trunks. You know what I mean? I'm anti-ball shaving.

• 3:54Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, this new company is Full Bush and it's the anti-men's grooming razor company.

• 4:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:02Griffin McElroy?

  It doesn't sell anything. It's like a protest.

• 4:04Travis McElroy?

  I call it Bro Game. Put it right on your balls, grow them, grow them even hairier.

• 4:09Griffin McElroy?

  Careful. Now it's trending towards another. What is the update from our listeners?

• 4:12Travis McElroy?

  The update is this. I'm a semi-pro race car driver. Think AAA baseball level. Just wanted to mention.

• 4:20Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on, pause. Why the fuck did you think that would be a useful shorthand for the three of us? We don't understand the hierarchy of real esports.

• 4:29Travis McElroy?

  I have watched enough baseball movies.

• 4:30Travis McElroy?

  It's not just for us. You gotta remember there's listeners too. I often do this. You gotta remember, we're not the only ones here, right?

• 4:37Griffin McElroy?

  There's baseball heads out there. Sure.

• 4:39Travis McElroy?

  Just wanted to mention that drivers don't often piss themselves in a two to four hour race, but it happens occasionally. I think before we move on, that's the best case scenario in terms of, like, I think that's the funniest answer. So I'm really excited that, because that makes it special.

• 4:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:58Travis McElroy?

  When you do piss pants. It means something.

• 5:00Griffin McElroy?

  It means you wanted it, though you wanted it the worst.

• 5:03Travis McElroy?

  Usually you're so wet from sweat and it just kind of mixes in and then evaporates. A prank teams will play on new mechanics is to ask them where a leak is coming from, if the car is leaking while sitting and waiting for the race to start. What?

• 5:22Travis McElroy?

  Like they'll, like a driver will piss themselves, the piss will drip out and they'll be like, where's that leak coming from?

• 5:27Griffin McElroy?

  So sorry, the prank, no, this is gross. The prank teams will play on each other as if their driver, who I assume they have to hold in high regard, he operates the machine, steps out of the car and dribbles piss on the hot asphalt.

• 5:40Travis McElroy?

  No, he doesn't step out of the car, Griffin. It dribbles from the car whilst he's in it.

• 5:45Griffin McElroy?

  Nope. Stop. That's crazy too. Why is there so much piss? What is the volume of driver piss in the car that it's running out over the, over the sides?

• 5:54Travis McElroy?

  Maybe that's why they don't piss during the races, like right before the race, they just close their eyes and flow.

• 6:00Griffin McElroy?

  And flow state.

• 6:01Travis McElroy?

  And the other cars don't have windshield wipers, right? Cause that's added weight, I assume. This is the thing that I understand about race cars is that you're trying to get them as low weight as possible. So those things must be ramshackle as hell, right? That you can piss in your seat and it drips out the bottom of the car? You're on some Flintstones shit where there's no floor.

• 6:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's an open concept stock vehicle.

• 6:26Travis McElroy?

  My friend Justin Gardner spilled a full Sprite in the backseat of Griffin's car. Extra large soda. It didn't spill out the bottom of the car.

• 6:35Griffin McElroy?

  It floated in there like a kitty's waiting pool.

• 6:38Travis McElroy?

  There is a, going at a certain speed is like an equalizer on this too. Like it, it's almost like it doesn't count if you're going so fast that it really can't affect me. You know what I mean? It's like.

• 6:51Griffin McElroy?

  You fill your suit up with piss, the centrifugal force of those left turns is gonna whip that right out of, right out of there, mister.

• 6:58Travis McElroy?

  It's going so fast. You don't need to worry about that.

• 7:00Griffin McElroy?

  You don't want to read this last sentence of the email?

• 7:02Travis McElroy?

  A couple of times I know of that drivers have shit themselves, but far less common. That's from Speedy in Seattle.

• 7:10Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. That one they probably can't play off as much. Like if they step out and there's piss dribblings coming out of the car, they can be like, wow, I really sweated a lot this one. But I don't think you can cloak it for.

• 7:21Travis McElroy?

  Here is what I, here is the decision I think you gotta make. If you are in a race and you shit your pants, you have got to win the race. You have, or you have got to win. Cause if you win, then it's like, what a machine. You know what I mean? Like, but you have to win. Cause if you lose and you poop your pants.

• 7:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:46Travis McElroy?

  But if you win, it's like, man, Stevie Ray Vaughan would play guitar until his calluses fell off and then glue him back on again. It's that kind of thing.

• 7:55Griffin McElroy?

  It's that level. Yeah. You do have to, if you do make it into the winner's circle, I think as soon as you step out of the stock vehicle, you do need to fall on the ground and roll around a few times and get all muddy. And then you're like, this is how I celebrate. I roll around like a, like a dirty hog and all of this stuff on me is mud. It's all mud.

• 8:14Travis McElroy?

  I think also if you realize you're not gonna win, maybe a controlled crash, like a crack where it's just like, listen, I know how to do this safely. Like I'm not gonna explode. I'm gonna be fine. But then it sounds like you shit your pants like, yeah, man, did you see how fast I was going when I crashed?

• 8:32Griffin McElroy?

  Sort of like how, like an assassin can shoot you through your torso in a way where he doesn't hit any like vital stuff because of his job. He knows how to, you do like a, a gentle crash, but one enough that's like people see it and then they see the poop in your pants and they say, yeah, that makes sense.

• 8:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man. Me too. I would have. When I was in high school, there was a kid and somebody bet him like $20 to piss himself, like he couldn't piss himself. And my dude, it took him 30 minutes to just like unwind all the mental blockages and precautions that one has. And then I think about how fast these race cars are driving and they piss themselves. Do you think it's easier? Cause the focus they're doing are harder. Do you think they have to really like psych themselves into it's like, do it? Do it?

• 9:20Travis McElroy?

  No, I think it's harder because I've been driving and had to do the like pee into a 20 ounce and it takes everything. It takes everything. Takes everything in me.

• 9:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. I did that in Bonnaroo traffic one time. I had to, and it did take a long time. At one point I got out of the car and I climbed down into a ditch and I couldn't do it in the ditch either.

• 9:41Travis McElroy?

  And you have to say yourself like, it's okay.

• 9:44Griffin McElroy?

  It's okay. You can't do that while driving a car so fast. It's okay.

• 9:48Travis McElroy?

  Normally it's not okay, but it's okay right now. You can do it.

• 9:50Travis McElroy?

  That's why you have your like head gear guy in your ears and you're like, hey, I need to piss myself. Tell me it's okay. Uh, yeah. Okay. Uh, yeah, it's fine. It's okay. Big boys pee themselves sometimes. It's okay.

• 10:04Travis McElroy?

  Hey, hey, everybody be quiet on the radio for 30 seconds. Nobody talk or anything at all. Promise.

• 10:11Travis McElroy?

  Do you want me to make like ocean sounds?

• 10:16Griffin McElroy?

  I almost opened. I almost opened it. God damn it.

• 10:21Travis McElroy?

  Take him on the, you got, you got a hater on the inside.

• 10:23Griffin McElroy?

  Stop it. Shut up.

• 10:25Travis McElroy?

  After the race, that's why they dump all that milk on you so you can pee and pee and no one cares.

• 10:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:31Travis McElroy?

  Cause it's all milky and pee and just want you to get out of there. I never see anybody bolt for the can after a race. Have you ever seen that? They always lift them up.

• 10:41Griffin McElroy?

  Please don't do that. Please don't shake me.

• 10:44Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I gotta go.

• 10:46Griffin McElroy?

  Do you guys ever see football coaches leave the field to go use the potty during the game? No, that's what the Gatorade splash is for.

• 10:53Travis McElroy?

  Ah.

• 10:54Griffin McElroy?

  So they can rip right there and do the post-game interview.

• 10:57Travis McElroy?

  I showed my kids, um, the amazing classic film Speed Racer. Um, and at the end they're like drinking milk and my kids are like, why are they drinking milk? And I explained to them, you know, you don't want to show race car drivers drinking champagne itself because drinking and driving. But then I realized there's so many other options before you get to milk.

• 11:16Griffin McElroy?

  Milk. Yeah. I also think that celebrating by drinking after driving, that's not a thing. Do you guys think race car drivers, when they finish driving in a circle for four hours? Then they get in their Honda Civic in the parking lot and drive home? No way, dude. They should get blitzed because they definitely have a DD that's going to get them there.

• 11:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, someone else should drive. They like, if I'm driving a road trip and I drive like the first four hour, five hours. And then we stop, I'm not driving again, right?

• 11:48Griffin McElroy?

  That's their job. That's my job. I'll take a Uber. Yeah.

• 11:52Travis McElroy?

  Uh, the, uh, the first person to do it was named Louis Meyer. And he had this habit, his mom taught him. And when he won, uh, uh, his first race in 1933, he drank a big old glass of buttermilk. Cause his mom always told him it was a great way to beat the heat. And then some milk executives saw that and he was like, hell yeah. Everybody needs to be drinking buttermilk after a race.

• 12:16Travis McElroy?

  Buttermilk?

• 12:17Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure buttermilk helps the heat beat me in a major way.

• 12:24Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. No, what would be fun is if they gave them the buttermilk beforehand and then jiggled them around in a car for four hours and then they threw up butter.

• 12:32Travis McElroy?

  This says that this, uh, children's museum of Indianapolis page where I'm getting this data. Says that the tradition continued for 10 years until 1947, when milk was no longer offered. What?

• 12:44Griffin McElroy?

  I was like, anywhere? We were rationing.

• 12:47Travis McElroy?

  You remember the milk prohibition of 47, right?

• 12:49Travis McElroy?

  War took all the milk.

• 12:51Griffin McElroy?

  One of the wars.

• 12:51Travis McElroy?

  We sent a lot of good cows overseas and they never came back. Our fighting steers.

• 12:57Griffin McElroy?

  Our fighting, big bones.

• 12:59Travis McElroy?

  Send advice show.

• 13:02Travis McElroy?

  We're going to help somebody today.

• 13:05Travis McElroy?

  I attend a local chess club once a week for all ages and skill levels. Occasionally I end up playing chess against a young child, five to 10 years old. I'm 43.

• 13:14Griffin McElroy?

  Five? Yeah, man.

• 13:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man. These kids.

• 13:18Griffin McElroy?

  People like chess. People like making kids do chess.

• 13:21Travis McElroy?

  I love to teach kids and I'm happy to play chess with them. I try to be extra nice and give them hints about how to make good moves, but inevitably I end up winning. Sometimes they start crying and beg their parents to go home. I feel awful when this happens. Help me, dear brothers. How can I avoid making kids cry while still dominating them over the board? That's from beginning to cry in British Columbia.

• 13:40Griffin McElroy?

  You're almost there.

• 13:41Travis McElroy?

  Let's zoom in on a word that is called inevitably. Tell me about that.

• 13:46Griffin McElroy?

  That's interesting. Yeah.

• 13:47Travis McElroy?

  That's such an interesting word you've chosen, my friend. You inevitably beat them. Cause that's interesting. Cause I've lost to my kids in every fucking game there is. And I have never struggled.

• 13:58Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that is so hard.

• 14:00Travis McElroy?

  Ladders, maybe one of the, some of the random ones can be hard to fix, but like inevitably you won?

• 14:06Travis McElroy?

  That's because they're your kids, Justin.

• 14:08Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 14:09Travis McElroy?

  I think it's a lot easier to lose on purpose to your own children than random. Cause there comes a point.

• 14:16Griffin McElroy?

  Deal with the fucking reaper cut. If it's your kid crying and wanting to go home, you'll find a way to lose. I guarantee it. It'll become very important that you lose, actually.

• 14:25Travis McElroy?

  There are times where like I'm playing a game against my child and I have a moral dilemma inside my heart. Where I'm like, am I, like, I don't think they're learning anything about this game. If I just like, oh, oh, my guy fell over. You win, right?

• 14:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:42Travis McElroy?

  This is why I think that what you're offering here is a service. Where you can, you can win against these children and they're going to get upset. And then I, as a parent, can blame you, that mean person who beat them. Oh, what a jerk. But they're still getting the lesson. About like how to get better at chess and why they have to like learn so they can beat that mean person at the park who beat them.

• 15:05Travis McElroy?

  Just like, okay, so you're talking about how like. In searching for Bobby Fischer, Max's parents hire Sir Ben Kingsley to be mean to him about chess. Basically.

• 15:17Travis McElroy?

  Cause I also think Laurence Fishburne voluntarily is mean to him.

• 15:20Travis McElroy?

  No, Larry Fishburne supports him. Yeah, he's chill. He like wants him to play for the love of playing chess. Man, is that movie good? I don't know. But the thing is, I don't know. I'm sitting here thinking about it like it seems.

• 15:33Travis McElroy?

  I confuse it with Little Man Tate.

• 15:34Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on. Let's take a minute. Let's take a minute and think about it.

• 15:38Travis McElroy?

  I don't know. It's a movie about a, I feel like it's one of these flicks. That had a much bigger impact for us as children. And I feel like it is one of the dustiest sort of references that we reach for so frequently. I don't know why that film made such an impact on us. We are not a chess family. We're not deep in the Ben Kingsley paint no more than any other West Virginia family, you know?

• 16:04Griffin McElroy?

  When you're a certain type of child, you see a, searching for Bobby Fischer, you see a Matilda.

• 16:09Travis McElroy?

  A Little Man Tate.

• 16:10Griffin McElroy?

  You keep bringing that up. I don't know.

• 16:12Travis McElroy?

  Harry Connick Jr. is in it. There's a scene where Little Man Tate plays pool against Harry Connick Jr. Little Man Tate can see all the angles that he's shooting the balls from. And I was like, that's the coolest shit in the world when I was like 10.

• 16:23Griffin McElroy?

  It's just, some of us want sports heroes and some of us want smarts heroes.

• 16:27Travis McElroy?

  Yep.

• 16:28Griffin McElroy?

  And Bobby Fischer or the kid from searching for Bobby Fischer.

• 16:31Travis McElroy?

  And not Bobby Fischer. Just want to be super duper clear about that.

• 16:35Travis McElroy?

  Looking for Bobby Fischer. If he was Bobby Fischer, it would have been, we found Bobby Fischer.

• 16:40Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:40Griffin McElroy?

  I still feel right here.

• 16:42Travis McElroy?

  At the worst club in the world filled with all of the world's worst people. That's where he is. Just go to the worst place you could think of. That's where you'll find him.

• 16:51Griffin McElroy?

  Did he get lost? Did he? I don't never actually Googled to find out why.

• 16:54Travis McElroy?

  Hey, everybody, take 15 seconds to search Bobby Fischer.

• 16:59Griffin McElroy?

  Uh oh.

• 17:00Travis McElroy?

  I believe he's a turd.

• 17:03Griffin McElroy?

  He died.

• 17:04Travis McElroy?

  Okay. Okay. A lot. Did he have a good run right before?

• 17:08Griffin McElroy?

  I really wish Wikipedia would just put at the top like, and here's why, and here's why we don't talk about Bobby Fischer.

• 17:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, I need a whole, I need a whole.

• 17:19Griffin McElroy?

  This is so many multi-section Wikipedia.

• 17:22Travis McElroy?

  There's a lot. There's a lot, guys. There's a lot. He celebrated nine 11. He thought it was pretty cool and he didn't think the Holocaust happened. He's not a good dude. Not a good dude at all.

• 17:35Travis McElroy?

  Oh no.

• 17:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:38Travis McElroy?

  Rough.

• 17:40Travis McElroy?

  You know, for a long time I did think it was that they had lost Bobby Fischer, he'd been kidnapped or something. And then I eventually realized it's like, we're looking for the next, we're searching for the next Bobby Fischer.

• 17:50Griffin McElroy?

  Oh no. Don't search for, don't search for Robert Fisher. Yikes. Holy shit, Bobby. God damn. All right. So yeah, he's like Hall of Fame anti semi.

• 18:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, not like, yeah, he, yeah.

• 18:06Griffin McElroy?

  Not like a passing, like will they, won't they, like Instagram influencer anti semi.

• 18:12Travis McElroy?

  He ma, he makes Roald Dahl look like Charlie Bucket.

• 18:16Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, he's a fucked up.

• 18:17Travis McElroy?

  He's, yeah, he's a bad one.

• 18:19Travis McElroy?

  Google, Google Little Man Tate and make sure he's not problematic.

• 18:22Travis McElroy?

  He okay? He wasn't real. Is he all right?

• 18:24Travis McElroy?

  He wasn't real?

• 18:27Travis McElroy?

  Just, uh, just don't lose, just lose.

• 18:29Griffin McElroy?

  Just lose one, man.

• 18:31Travis McElroy?

  Just listen, I had to learn this lesson.

• 18:32Travis McElroy?

  Challenge. It could be a more interesting challenge to, to make your brain work that way. To make it lose.

• 18:39Griffin McElroy?

  It's fun. Sometimes it's obvious. Sometimes your kids will be like, why is Yoshi just parked and not driving anymore? And it's like, don't worry about it. Something must be wrong with Yoshi's car. This is a normal part of the game. You're doing better than me.

• 18:51Travis McElroy?

  Ask them, what do you think I'm going to do next? And then do whatever they say.

• 18:55Travis McElroy?

  Man, when your kid goes backwards in a racing game, that's a tough one. When you see they're going the wrong way, you, there is not a good way.

• 19:01Griffin McElroy?

  Your level if you're going backwards. I need you to at least move in the correct direction.

• 19:06Travis McElroy?

  Man, do your kids ever challenge you in like a strength, like arm wrestle me or like pull as hard as you can? And you're like, how, at what point do I gauge that I'm putting up enough of a contest for them to feel good about winning? But I'm not accidentally going to win.

• 19:21Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, no. I won't do it with strength. Contest of strength, I will not slow play. They need to know that their father is strong.

• 19:28Travis McElroy?

  I don't want to hurt them.

• 19:30Travis McElroy?

  I won't participate in a contest where they could be hurt. Travis, I, I don't put myself in those situations ever because once, like if the dogs get off the chain.

• 19:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:40Travis McElroy?

  Like I don't know what they're capable of. I mean, my arms, my arm muscles.

• 19:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:44Travis McElroy?

  If the dogs get off the chain, I don't know what they're capable of.

• 19:47Travis McElroy?

  Well, I just flex my arms and let them hang off them like I'm Gaston.

• 19:51Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm. I did that yesterday and I hurt my shoulder.

• 19:53Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. No, you can't let them know you hurt yourself because I hurt myself doing it every time. But you gotta mask that pain. That's daddy's pain. You know what I mean? I hide that from my kids. They don't need to know how I hurt myself, uh, trying to show off for them.

• 20:08Travis McElroy?

  At my annual company retreat, we have a tradition.

• 20:12Travis McElroy?

  Of singing karaoke as an organization. This year, my brand new boss and I were sitting next to each other when one of my colleagues got up to sing a classic Disney song. In an attempt to make conversation, I asked my boss whether he liked Disney movies. He said, yes. He asked me if I liked Disney. He then asked whether I would like to sing a karaoke Disney song with him, and if so, which one? Brothers, what's the best Disney song to sing at karaoke with your boss? Some extra details, I'm not actually that big of a Disney fan, though I have friends who are. My boss is a very proper British guy. I'm American. I was surprised by this ask to sing Disney song together. He has been my boss for less than three months.

• 20:54Griffin McElroy?

  That's a Disney dilemma. That puts some real fun English on the ball, and I do appreciate, I do appreciate that. Three month karaoke ask is a, is a wild, is wild business.

• 21:05Travis McElroy?

  Okay, okay, okay, hold on, let's sleuth this out a little bit. You, to make conversation, introduced the question, do you like Disney movies? If you were looking through the karaoke book at the time.

• 21:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:21Travis McElroy?

  It's very easy to interpret that question and that action as, I want to sing a Disney song. And I'm looking to see if you want to do it.

• 21:31Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, no, because you're missing the, the, the inciting act, which is that another one of their colleagues was already up singing a classic Disney song. So what really happened is someone got up to sing a Disney song, you leaned over to your boss and you're like, you like this shit? You like this shit? You hearing this? And then they took that to mean, let's bust out Love is an Open Door together, which is not a bad.

• 21:51Travis McElroy?

  An open door.

• 21:52Griffin McElroy?

  Can't do love is an open door.

• 21:53Travis McElroy?

  I mean, you can rule out a lot, very easy, none with accents. You can't go under the sea, sorry. You can't, you can't make your boss go under the sea, I'm sorry. You can't do the Siamese Cat song from Aristocats, sorry.

• 22:07Griffin McElroy?

  Nope.

• 22:07Travis McElroy?

  Sorry, can't do it. Nothing from Song of the South, sorry. It's out.

• 22:11Griffin McElroy?

  I'm trying to think.

• 22:13Travis McElroy?

  You could do Hakuna Matata.

• 22:15Griffin McElroy?

  You, Hakuna Matata is an all time Disney.

• 22:18Travis McElroy?

  That's very good and completely non-sexual. It's one of the least sexual songs.

• 22:22Griffin McElroy?

  Platonic.

• 22:23Travis McElroy?

  Well, we don't know what Timon and Pumba's relationship was, but the song itself.

• 22:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's just about eating bugs. Well, read between the lines, guys. You think Timo, Timo, this is my roommate, Pumba. Guys, did we watch the same fucking movie? No, they're together. These two, these two, they all their meals together, they spend all of their time together. I think they're in love and that's awesome.

• 22:50Griffin McElroy?

  What?

• 22:52Travis McElroy?

  If they, if they made a baby, I wonder what it would be like.

• 22:56Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy, dude, that that's where you jump to. It's always about, for you, it's always about.

• 23:01Travis McElroy?

  If a meerkat and a Pumba had a baby, I'm just curious what it would be like.

• 23:04Griffin McElroy?

  A meerkog.

• 23:06Travis McElroy?

  Meerkog.

• 23:07Griffin McElroy?

  Wart cat. Wart cat's cool. I mean, in a way, they adopted.

• 23:12Travis McElroy?

  It's about a, a couple of dudes that adopted child and raised him.

• 23:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:19Travis McElroy?

  I mean, that's a family right there, guys.

• 23:22Griffin McElroy?

  That's a family.

• 23:22Travis McElroy?

  I know Justin's here trying to say that's not a family, but that's.

• 23:25Griffin McElroy?

  He says it's only a family if they can procreate, and I'm like, whoa, dude.

• 23:30Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, they raised him to be a bug eater, right? Like, it's also nature versus nurture. We're getting a lot of psychology here from Timon and Pumba that I find so interesting.

• 23:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 23:42Travis McElroy?

  What about something from Mary Poppins? Those are very British. What about supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?

• 23:50Griffin McElroy?

  Cool, yeah.

• 23:53Travis McElroy?

  What about that?

• 23:53Griffin McElroy?

  Good job, by the way, Juice, that, that word's a real minefield.

• 23:57Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, a lot of people can't say that in one pass, but I, it only took me three. Edit, Rachel had to clean them up, I'm sure.

• 24:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 24:05Travis McElroy?

  What about the song from Hunchback of Notre Dame where Folo and Quasimodo are singing together about how Quasimodo is deformed? And like have your very proper British guy be.

• 24:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sorry, did we rule out Pocahontas just across the board? Cause Pocahontas is also completely out.

• 24:22Griffin McElroy?

  What about a medley? What about a Disney medley?

• 24:26Travis McElroy?

  A Disney medley.

• 24:27Griffin McElroy?

  Of the most problematic Disney tunes.

• 24:30Travis McElroy?

  Hmm. Oh, that's fun. Make it a game where the second you hit the problematic part, you go to the next song. Right? Like, oh, that was it, next.

• 24:39Griffin McElroy?

  I got a good one. It's not a traditional duet, but like, I think if you're trying to get in there with your boss, a little you got a friend in me. Cause then you get to do your Randy Newman impression.

• 24:49Travis McElroy?

  Perfect.

• 24:49Griffin McElroy?

  We've all, we've all got one of those inside us waiting to come out. And then by the, by the end of it, your arms around his shoulders, your buzz and your Woody and you're come together and you're going to get that fucking promotion.

• 25:01Travis McElroy?

  You got a friend in me.

• 25:02Griffin McElroy?

  On.

• 25:02Travis McElroy?

  It's good.

• 25:03Griffin McElroy?

  Right?

• 25:03Travis McElroy?

  It's just you be LaFou, have your boss be Gaston, whole.

• 25:07Griffin McElroy?

  No, that's it up, that's bad, cause now you've been cuckolded. Now you've set up a power dynamic where it's like, I'm your little imp.

• 25:13Travis McElroy?

  Make the boss be, make the boss be.

• 25:15Griffin McElroy?

  Freaky little imp telling people how many eggs you eat. You don't want to have that sort of dynamic with your boss.

• 25:21Travis McElroy?

  That's true. That's a good point.

• 25:23Griffin McElroy?

  Do you think people get put off by Gaston's freaky little imp who's like, he farts so loud? All right, dude, fuck, he fucks a hundred women a month. All right, man, why are you telling me all this?

• 25:37Travis McElroy?

  Okay, do you think he does it when Gaston's not around? Like, yeah.

• 25:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, dude, yeah, people are talking about like, did you hear about this French revolution that's happening? Yeah, it's crazy. They're like killing like all of the rich people. I, I heard that Gaston can lift up four women.

• 25:53Travis McElroy?

  He has so many antlers. You guys see all his antlers?

• 25:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we get it. Yeah, it's, he's great, for sure.

• 25:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:59Griffin McElroy?

  You smell his burps?

• 26:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 26:02Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, I guess.

• 26:03Travis McElroy?

  That's awesome.

• 26:05Griffin McElroy?

  We know, man, the egg, the egg burps. We all hate him, dude, we get it.

• 26:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. No, I'm talking to Marie, her son just died. Yeah, you know who's never died? Gaston.

• 26:14Griffin McElroy?

  Gaston can't die.

• 26:16Travis McElroy?

  Okay, cool, man.

• 26:17Griffin McElroy?

  All right, all right.

• 26:19Travis McElroy?

  All right, well, we'll catch you next week, man. This has been good, guys.

• 26:22Griffin McElroy?

  We're gonna go.

• 26:23Travis McElroy?

  This has been fun. I've got a list of other things Gaston can do.

• 26:28Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 26:29Travis McElroy?

  No, just, just leave it like under my door or something.

• 26:33Griffin McElroy?

  Guys, LaFou hangs out with whenever Gaston needs to jerk off.

• 26:39Travis McElroy?

  Just give me 15 minutes for God's sake, LaFou. No, we'll watch him, we'll watch him, Gaston.

• 26:46Griffin McElroy?

  Now we got him, boss.

• 26:49Travis McElroy?

  We'll keep an eye on him, we'll make sure he gets fed and everything.

• 26:52Griffin McElroy?

  We talk about Gaston.

• 26:54Travis McElroy?

  In all of my masturbating.

• 26:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Gaston, how, how are the antlers being incorporated, Gaston?

• 27:02Travis McElroy?

  He wears them.

• 27:03Griffin McElroy?

  Why do we talk about Gaston so much?

• 27:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man, I don't know, but I, I think I bring it up the most. I think about Gaston a lot, Griffin.

• 27:12Griffin McElroy?

  He's a huge, he's a huge dude, and I guess we know a lot about him. There's not a lot of other Disney songs that are like, and here, and here's one about King Triton. His pecs are fucking huge, he likes to carve chairs out of coral, he can eat a hundred thousand eggs.

• 27:29Travis McElroy?

  It's just, I think there's a real power to songs that nobody's written before, you know? Like, there's lots of songs about how a beauty and a beast can fall in love. There's not enough songs about like, it rules living in the ocean and it's better than not living in the ocean. That's a different kind of song. That's exciting. You know what I mean? I don't need to hear a love song or about a song about how you're sad. I want to hear a song about how you want to escape the tower you live in for one day and just walk around. That's a song, you know what I mean?

• 28:00Griffin McElroy?

  I think every Disney song should have to include an egg count. Yeah. Of how many eggs that person can crib.

• 28:10Travis McElroy?

  Useful context.

• 28:12Griffin McElroy?

  Useful context, tangled open, 7:00 AM, the usual morning lineup.

• 28:17Travis McElroy?

  It's a perfect place for it.

• 28:18Griffin McElroy?

  Eggs and then.

• 28:19Travis McElroy?

  But you gotta name exactly how many eggs.

• 28:22Griffin McElroy?

  Eat 30 eggs and then I go to eat.

• 28:25Travis McElroy?

  Think.

• 28:25Griffin McElroy?

  Then go back to bed.

• 28:27Travis McElroy?

  Do you?

• 28:28Griffin McElroy?

  Then I fart for an hour from the eggs. Then I go and I brush all my hair and eat five more eggs.

• 28:35Travis McElroy?

  30 eggs?

• 28:37Griffin McElroy?

  And then.

• 28:37Travis McElroy?

  Ah, she didn't clarify what size eggs, Justin.

• 28:40Griffin McElroy?

  But that one eggs for me.

• 28:42Travis McElroy?

  Mess that's just outside of her window every day she harvests the Robins eggs. That's all she has to eat.

• 28:48Griffin McElroy?

  It's not even about food anymore. I just like egg. Putting egg in me is the only time I feel happy.

• 28:57Travis McElroy?

  I wonder where will my egg. I put an egg in me.

• 29:06Travis McElroy?

  When you're hungry, eat some bread with an egg on top. Or just then eat an egg instead. Oh, I put an egg in me.

• 29:19Griffin McElroy?

  Mister, I'll put an egg inside you.

• 29:24Travis McElroy?

  Eat an egg.

• 29:28Griffin McElroy?

  We'll start with a dozen eggs and some more. Okay, then we will try to.

• 29:35Travis McElroy?

  Eat an egg.

• 29:36Griffin McElroy?

  All right, three dozen eggs, you monsters. You're gonna eat way more than my friend, LaFou.

• 29:46Travis McElroy?

  I don't, I can't even eat eggs, cause I'm not as manly as Gaston. You can eat eggs, LaFou, like, no, I'm not nearly as strong and egg resistant as Gaston.

• 29:59Griffin McElroy?

  I think in the intro to Up, right before she dies, the wife should turn to the camera and be like, I can eat 12 eggs. I want you to keep eating eggs, even after I'm gone. When I'm dead, promise me you'll still eat 24 eggs a day. Mister, where'd all these empty egg curtains come from?

• 30:19Travis McElroy?

  It's a tribute to my wife. You ain't never ate an egg like me.

• 30:25Griffin McElroy?

  Right? Uh, let's think about it. Eat our eggs, eat our.

• 30:35Griffin McElroy?

  This could be the rest of the show, damn.

• 30:37Travis McElroy?

  That's why I'm trying to stop it, honestly. There's gotta be a finite point at which we say, it's time to go to the money zone.

• 30:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:46Griffin McElroy?

  I, this just feels like one of those bits where people are gonna message us afterwards and be like, how'd you forget about eat our eggs?

• 30:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but like, I know, we could do a lot of these, this.

• 30:55Griffin McElroy?

  Gotta eat 10 eggs.

• 30:59Travis McElroy?

  Okay, you know what? Now we're gonna have to go chronological. All right, after the break, we'll go chronologically, starting with Snow White, and we'll do just all of Disney movies. We'll get eggs in all of them and then.

• 31:11Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:11Travis McElroy?

  Eggs, eat eggs, eat eggs, eat eggs.

• 31:16Griffin McElroy?

  All right, it's going to.

• 31:17Travis McElroy?

  We're going to eat some eggs.

• 31:18Griffin McElroy?

  It's gone, it's gone.

• 31:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's done.

• 31:29Travis McElroy?

  Computers from the other side. Hey, get a Dell. Hmm.

• 31:36Travis McElroy?

  Oh, wow, dude, you're getting a Dell. That's very good.

• 31:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:39Travis McElroy?

  It is so hard. I have bought so many gaming laptops over the years. It is so hard to find. It's like this impossible triangle where it's like, it's the right size, right cost, not too much heat, getting thrown off, not too noisy. There's so many ways it could go wrong.

• 31:56Travis McElroy?

  Go off, King.

• 31:57Travis McElroy?

  What?

• 31:58Travis McElroy?

  Go off, King.

• 31:59Travis McElroy?

  That was it. Thank you. That's, that's what it is. What?

• 32:02Griffin McElroy?

  If you're gonna do a go off, King Travis, it's important that you do it like, close to the front of the, of the thing and not like, right at the back end.

• 32:09Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. Stop there, King.

• 32:11Travis McElroy?

  If you have been searching for a new option here, finally Dell Alienware 15 is here. They designed this machine to refine the essentials, creating a more focused gaming laptop for players who demand quality without the clutter. Griffin, listen to this. 15.3 inch, 165 hertz display seamlessly into a portable 15 inch body.

• 32:37Travis McElroy?

  Why, why can't I listen, Justin? Why can't I listen to that?

• 32:40Travis McElroy?

  You're not gonna be able to parse these numbers, dude. This is like black.

• 32:43Griffin McElroy?

  How are they gonna get a 15.3 inch screen on a 15 inch body? Goddamn Dell. You're ahead of the game, dude.

• 32:49Travis McElroy?

  It's really, it's really wild. These wizards, they got spacious in here, getting it all figured out. You get a larger immersive window into your game that still easily travels with you. It's got a GeForce RTX 5060 GPU and the RTX 50 series with Nvidia Max Q delivers draw dropping graphics while optimizing battery life.

• 33:11Travis McElroy?

  Oh, so I can play all my like, basic games? Cause I'm not a real gamer.

• 33:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Travis.

• 33:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you can also play basic games and do spreadsheets and stuff, but like, if you're getting the Alienware 15, you know, you're getting in there to shoot aliens. Like, that's what you're there. That's what you're doing.

• 33:27Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not here to play pinball in a galactic manner. I'm here to go through the galaxy and shoot at all the aliens with my space marine friends.

• 33:35Travis McElroy?

  I don't wanna hurt aliens.

• 33:37Griffin McElroy?

  Well, that's then, then fuck off. Cause this is the, this is the Alienware experience.

• 33:42Travis McElroy?

  It's a really beautiful looking laptop, too. You should check it out if you have not seen it. So, visit alienware.com/15 today. It's the Alienware experience distilled into one iconic machine.

• 33:57Travis McElroy?

  I just found out I will have to find my fifth new primary care doctor in seven years.

• 34:05Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, what are you doing to these, to these folks?

• 34:08Travis McElroy?

  I hope it's not me.

• 34:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 34:12Travis McElroy?

  But one retired, one went to the Army Corps of Engineers, one switched practices, one, I called to get a prescription refill and they're like, oh, she quit two weeks ago. And I so reserved, didn't say, oh my God, what happened? Because that's, you can't do that. But I wanna know.

• 34:35Griffin McElroy?

  You wanna know if it's because of you. If they were working on your bod and they're like, it's too much, man. I'm fucking out.

• 34:40Travis McElroy?

  Well, I've seen the pinnacle.

• 34:42Griffin McElroy?

  I've seen, it doesn't get healthier than this.

• 34:44Travis McElroy?

  That's it. And here's the thing, guys. I need a new doctor and I don't even know where to begin.

• 34:51Griffin McElroy?

  Wow. Well, good, good news, Travis. Cause Zocdoc is a sponsor and it's crazy how many times we speak our needs.

• 35:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:01Griffin McElroy?

  And it just so happens that we have a sponsor.

• 35:05Travis McElroy?

  Especially in the middle of the show. That tends to happen a lot.

• 35:08Travis McElroy?

  Well, for me, it's because I'm really needy. I have so many needs that need filled.

• 35:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:14Travis McElroy?

  And you guys are my only resource to find those things.

• 35:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. No. So Zocdoc is, Zocdoc is what I would recommend here.

• 35:22Travis McElroy?

  Better option for you.

• 35:23Griffin McElroy?

  Cause I've, I've used Zocdoc so many times here in our nation's capital where it, doctors are, it's, you cannot find them without, without some help. They're really hidden. They're like, in the back of a Target.

• 35:37Travis McElroy?

  That's what National Treasure 3 is about.

• 35:40Griffin McElroy?

  Is, yeah, it's just him trying to find a primary care physician. It's quite difficult. But with Zocdoc, you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and it's, it's free to use. They have over 150,000 providers within 200 plus specialties across all 50 states and our nation's capital, which is not a state, but it's still important.

• 35:59Travis McElroy?

  Still?

• 36:00Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, tell me about it. And you can book appointments fast.

• 36:02Travis McElroy?

  But you guys pay taxes.

• 36:04Griffin McElroy?

  Dude, just stop. Cause I'll fucking bust, I'll go nuts. I'll go absolutely nuts. You start talking to me about home rule. Usually within 24 to 72 hours, you can even score same day appointments with Zocdoc. I've used it so many times to find doctors for me and my kids and I can find them that my insurance covers and I can book appointments right through the thing. And it genuinely could not be easier. It is, it is my, I don't know. There's certain things, and I feel like we do these as sponsors sometimes where it's just like, yeah, they figured it out. They figured out how to do doctor appointments the best. And so Zocdoc is kind of my go-to. I don't know if you really need a new doctor, Travis, or if that was just.

• 36:43Travis McElroy?

  I do. That's true.

• 36:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Well, let me know how Zocdoc goes. Cause it's what I would tell you to do. Your health matters, Travis, and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated, Travis. Find and book the right doctor with Zocdoc. Head to zocdoc.com/MyBrother to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash MyBrother.

• 37:06Speaker 04

  Hi, I'm Andrew Reich and I host Dead Pilot Society and I am here with Max Fun Member of the Month Jacob Eads. Thank you so much for being a listener of our show and congratulations on being this month's Member of the Month.

• 37:19Speaker 05

  Pleasure to meet you.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  What made you take the leap to become an actual member of Maximum Fun?

• 37:25Speaker 05

  I'm spending all this time listening and enjoying them for content because it's not like just supporting one podcast either. It's supporting a whole network of people. So I feel like the dollar really goes a long way.

• 37:39Speaker 04

  Can't tell you how much we appreciate it. And as our Member of the Month, you will be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun store, a special Member of the Month bumper sticker. You can take that card with that bumper sticker and drive it to the parking spot at Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles, which will be there just for you.

• 38:00Speaker 05

  I might have to get one of my friends to bring like a cardboard cutout of me who lives in Los Angeles, just to show that I was there.

• 38:08Speaker 06

  Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to maximumfun.org/join.

• 38:16Griffin McElroy?

  Hey, Max Fun listeners. It's me, Jackie Kishen. I have a podcast with Lori Kilmarten. Say hi, Lori.

• 38:21Travis McElroy?

  Hi, Jacqueline.

• 38:22Speaker 07

  Hi, Max Fun listeners.

• 38:25Travis McElroy?

  But I'm very formal.

• 38:26Griffin McElroy?

  We have a podcast and it's about stand-up comedy and how much we love it and how much we dislike some of it. So listen to that podcast. It's called The Jackie and Lori Show.

• 38:35Travis McElroy?

  We drop new episodes every Wednesday that gives us plenty of time to decompress from our comedy weekends and discuss things with sane, level heads. No, it doesn't. If you are a woman our age or a man our age, or you know what, any person of any age, I think you'll enjoy your podcast. Jackie and Lori Show on MaximumFun.org. Bye.

• 39:04Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shit.

• 39:06Griffin McElroy?

  Oh no, fuck.

• 39:08Travis McElroy?

  What's wrong, guys?

• 39:08Griffin McElroy?

  Guys, hold on. I'm getting a bunch of, ah, damn it. I'm getting a bunch of texts from Mean Old Mrs. Studebaker.

• 39:15Travis McElroy?

  Oh, no.

• 39:16Travis McElroy?

  Oh, man. What's, what's she on about?

• 39:20Griffin McElroy?

  Damn, she's really blowing up my fucking spot.

• 39:22Travis McElroy?

  Dang, dude.

• 39:23Griffin McElroy?

  Mean Old Mrs. Studebaker is my music, my music tutor. You guys know, you guys remember Mean Old Mrs. Studebaker from Around the Corner?

• 39:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, more like, more like Tudebaker.

• 39:33Griffin McElroy?

  She's, I got my fucking recital on Friday and she says I need to practice right now. And I'm like, I'm doing this show right now. I can't practice right now. And she's just being a real shithead about. I think she can hear us.

• 39:47Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 39:47Griffin McElroy?

  Cause she's like responding to this stuff in real time. She's like, you're gonna embarrass yourself. You'll embarrass yourself.

• 39:52Travis McElroy?

  She types so fast.

• 39:53Griffin McElroy?

  She does type really fast. She's 70 years old and she types super duper fast.

• 39:57Travis McElroy?

  I mean, normally I would be like, unprofessional.

• 40:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:01Travis McElroy?

  But I, I would, I mean, if you need to practice, you know.

• 40:06Griffin McElroy?

  I do. It's 20 make it stick. And like, I have this really bad habit of buying musical instruments and then not actually learning how to play them in any kind of capacity, like accordion, banjo, mandolin. There's like a trail of dead instruments behind me that I just did not master and I'm trying to be better with this one. So I hired Mean Old Mrs. Studebaker, but it's, I'm regretting that big time because she's very bossy and very pushy, but she's the best. She's the fucking best.

• 40:33Travis McElroy?

  Maybe that's what you need. Trust the, trust the process.

• 40:37Griffin McElroy?

  All right. Do you guys mind if I practice real quick?

• 40:39Travis McElroy?

  No, please, please do.

• 40:40Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Um, this is John Bon Jovi's It's My Life.

• 40:45Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 40:47Speaker 05

  Wow, wow, wow.

• 40:51Speaker 05

  Wow, wow.

• 40:53Griffin McElroy?

  That's John Bon, that's the intro, the Talkbox intro to John Bon Jovi's It's My Life.

• 40:58Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, you've been learning the Talkbox?

• 41:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I got a Talkbox. I bought a Talkbox for $150, thinking this'll be easy.

• 41:06Travis McElroy?

  Definitely learn your lesson.

• 41:07Griffin McElroy?

  There's the singing for you. It couldn't be harder to use a Talkbox.

• 41:10Travis McElroy?

  Are you, really?

• 41:11Speaker 05

  Wow, wow.

• 41:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's so loud in your mouth. It goes, the sound is so loud and it comes out so fast into your mouth and it doesn't feel normal or right.

• 41:20Travis McElroy?

  Have you thought about recording, recording yourself playing the Talkbox into your Talkboy?

• 41:26Griffin McElroy?

  Um, no, I don't have one of those. I had a Talkbox for $150 that Miss Studebaker

• 41:34Griffin McElroy?

  is teaching me how to play.

• 41:35Travis McElroy?

  What other songs can you do? Are you choosing the notes or do you just shape your mouth around the sound?

• 41:39Griffin McElroy?

  I can do different notes. Check this out.

• 41:40Speaker 05

  Wow, wow.

• 41:42Griffin McElroy?

  But it's in the key of C minor. It's my life.

• 41:45Travis McElroy?

  You can only do the intro to It's My Life, but it's just.

• 41:47Griffin McElroy?

  No, I can do other shit. I got.

• 41:51Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 41:54Travis McElroy?

  Oh, Around the World, yeah.

• 41:56Travis McElroy?

  Walawatawata? Can you try one more time?

• 41:58Travis McElroy?

  Around the world.

• 41:59Griffin McElroy?

  No, it's not Around the World.

• 42:00Travis McElroy?

  It's not Around the World. I do know what it is, but I'd love to hear a confident.

• 42:07Travis McElroy?

  Okay, that was pretty good, actually.

• 42:16Griffin McElroy?

  Is that the wrong octave?

• 42:17Travis McElroy?

  Do you feel like you're helping your brand right now?

• 42:19Travis McElroy?

  It looks like you're fighting-

• 42:21Travis McElroy?

  It has to be mouth stuff for you, huh? It has to be mouth stuff.

• 42:24Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, it looks like you're a difficult patient fighting a feeding tube.

• 42:31Travis McElroy?

  I want to die. Let me die.

• 42:38Travis McElroy?

  Wow.

• 42:41Travis McElroy?

  I don't think they do that part. They don't do-

• 42:43Travis McElroy?

  It looks exhausting.

• 42:44Griffin McElroy?

  They don't do the ba-ba-ba-ba-bum.

• 42:45Travis McElroy?

  You just did such a big kind of sigh when you were done. Is it physically-

• 42:51Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, Trav, I can't breathe while I'm fucking doing it. This is what I don't understand. This is full of my spit now. I'm gagging on this thing fucking non-stop. It doesn't feel right to have the sound come in my mouth.

• 43:03Travis McElroy?

  Who's charged $150 for a plastic tube? That's a big problem.

• 43:06Griffin McElroy?

  There's a big box, too. You don't see the big box.

• 43:09Travis McElroy?

  That would've been a great shot.

• 43:10Griffin McElroy?

  So those are my two-

• 43:11Travis McElroy?

  Next time, next time you're planning a shot that features the Talkbox prominently.

• 43:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I have another- I have an original song-

• 43:19Travis McElroy?

  Oh, please.

• 43:20Griffin McElroy?

  That I'm gonna perform, I think on my recital on Friday. You guys are coming, right? Yeah, I'll be there.

• 43:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I'm gonna zoom in.

• 43:26Griffin McElroy?

  This one's called "North Dakota Fun."

• 43:34Griffin McElroy?

  Hold on, let me try again.

• 43:38Travis McElroy?

  Hold on.

• 43:41Travis McElroy?

  Now, hold on. That- Do you have to find the note in your mouth? What are you looking for when you're digging around?

• 43:54Travis McElroy?

  I don't understand the repositioning that's happening.

• 43:56Griffin McElroy?

  I can do sort of Arizona Sun.

• 44:05Travis McElroy?

  So it's kind of like-

• 44:06Griffin McElroy?

  I can do a medley of the-

• 44:07Travis McElroy?

  Four-syllable state, one-syllable descriptor.

• 44:11Griffin McElroy?

  I think- I just don't know how to make the sounds come out right. I don't know how to make words yet. And it sounds so cool when Daft Punk does it, and it sounds so cool when Jon Bon Jovi does it. I actually appreciate Jon Bon Jovi, because he really just goes-

• 44:29Griffin McElroy?

  He gets down there, and it's like, he knows what he's fucking doing. But those Daft Punk guys, I don't know how the fuck they do it, gang.

• 44:35Travis McElroy?

  They're robots. Have you seen them?

• 44:37Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's maybe built into the helmet.

• 44:39Griffin McElroy?

  Ooh, that's really, I like that.

• 44:41Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, give me a work it, make it.

• 44:48Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know the next move.

• 44:49Travis McElroy?

  Why is it, why is it taking so much muscles in your face to do this, Griffin?

• 44:55Travis McElroy?

  You don't know what it requires of him.

• 44:57Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm asking! It looks immensely painful.

• 45:12Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not ready for work it, make it, do it better, faster.

• 45:15Travis McElroy?

  That's a lot. That's a big, that's gotta be like the Flight of the Bumblebee for the Talkbox.

• 45:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Alright, well, I'll keep working on it.

• 45:24Travis McElroy?

  That was a really, Griffin, I'm impressed, though. It was a really good start.

• 45:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I can almost do California Love, and I can do the bow-wow of Jon Bon Jovi, but I'm gonna stick with it. This is my promise.

• 45:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 45:37Griffin McElroy?

  This is my promise, is that I spent $150 on this, and I wanna get content out of this machine, and so I gotta learn how to play it. Also, Ms. Judabaker, she'll kick my fucking ass if I don't do a good job on Friday.

• 45:50Travis McElroy?

  I mean, on the content front, you're already ahead of the game, because like, you just made great content.

• 45:56Griffin McElroy?

  You did it. There's not a famous Talkbox podcaster that I know of, but I haven't-

• 46:01Travis McElroy?

  That's true.

• 46:02Griffin McElroy?

  And I feel like I love going to see live music, and I've always thought like, I'd love to be up there, but I can't play riffs on guitar. I can't. But there's maybe, if Talkbox becomes a big thing-

• 46:14Travis McElroy?

  Talkbox Talk Men.

• 46:17Griffin McElroy?

  Talkbox Talk Men is pretty, is something. That sounds like something we said earlier in the show. Yeah, absolutely. It sounds like something we said earlier in the show. How long was I playing the Talkbox just now? Because it felt like 15 uninterrupted minutes.

• 46:29Travis McElroy?

  It was about four, four minutes. Yeah, it was a good four, though.

• 46:32Griffin McElroy?

  Just an exposed nerve.

• 46:33Travis McElroy?

  Tight bore.

• 46:34Griffin McElroy?

  That was brave. I agree.

• 46:36Travis McElroy?

  As a big fan of the spooky season, I love going to the haunted house near my apartment. However, the problem is, I usually go alone. I walk very quietly, and I'm goth. That means at least one person a year will scream upon turning around and seeing me. Brothers, what am I supposed to do in this situation? That's from Accidentally Terrifying in Toronto.

• 46:56Travis McElroy?

  You say, "Don't worry, I'm one of the good ones. I'm on your side. Follow me, we're getting out of here." And then you, you fight your way out. Like Blade. You're like Blade for scary people in haunted houses.

• 47:08Travis McElroy?

  I'm scary, too.

• 47:10Travis McElroy?

  I'm a daywalker.

• 47:11Travis McElroy?

  There's one thing you didn't know about me. I'm also scary.

• 47:14Griffin McElroy?

  Well, a Blade Goth would be like, "Don't worry, I listen to Dave Matthews Band. I also still like the music of Jason Mraz."

• 47:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, because I have two ears and a heart.

• 47:24Griffin McElroy?

  Doesn't match my aesthetic, really, but I can do both things.

• 47:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I have, I have a foot in both worlds. I'm gonna get you out of here. Hold on to my Hello Kitty backpack. That's right. It's not Karomi, it's Hello Kitty. I'm the daywalker.

• 47:40Griffin McElroy?

  I think, of the things you've told me about yourself, you go to the thing alone, you walk very quietly, and you're goth. The easiest thing to fix is the walking very quietly.

• 47:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:50Griffin McElroy?

  And I think that you can fix that. I mean, I think goth folks throughout history, at least when I was in high school, came up with ways of doing this. What, with wallet chains and other types of chains?

• 48:03Travis McElroy?

  Not that easy, Griffin.

• 48:05Griffin McElroy?

  Steampunk accoutrement can make a lot of noise.

• 48:07Travis McElroy?

  You might try headphones that are turned up far too loud.

• 48:10Travis McElroy?

  Or around your neck, maybe. The chains, Griffin, is an issue because it's a haunted house. Jangly chains does not mean less spooky. I think finger symbols, as you walk around, maybe? A triangle?

• 48:25Travis McElroy?

  Finger-

• 48:26Griffin McElroy?

  Finger symbols is a way cooler. No, man, if I'm sorry, if I'm at a haunted house and I see someone dressed up like DeCrow, and they've got- I'm gonna think those must be cursed little symbols.

• 48:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, same curse, yeah.

• 48:39Travis McElroy?

  Harmonica?

• 48:41Travis McElroy?

  A harmonica, creepy. Creepy.

• 48:44Travis McElroy?

  One-man band.

• 48:45Travis McElroy?

  Fidget spinner?

• 48:47Griffin McElroy?

  Fidget spinner's cool, yeah.

• 48:48Travis McElroy?

  Light up a fidget spinner that makes a noise like it's not scary. It's just like, clearly. Unless it's like a huge one with blood on it.

• 48:54Travis McElroy?

  And then you can use it to like, look around, like, "This is the only source of light I have." Yeah, "We're finding our way out of here."

• 49:01Travis McElroy?

  Fidget spinner sounds awesome. I wish I had it.

• 49:04Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 49:04Travis McElroy?

  So cool. So bright.

• 49:06Travis McElroy?

  Light up novelty glasses.

• 49:07Travis McElroy?

  I can imagine.

• 49:08Griffin McElroy?

  Let's have a contest to see who can print out the best, most functional fidget spinner the fastest.

• 49:14Travis McElroy?

  No, if I try, my kids swoop in from out of nowhere and take it before I can get any fidgets.

• 49:19Griffin McElroy?

  Papa can't make nothing on the 3D printer without these kids rolling up and be like, "Make me a whole action figure." Okay, I guess. Fuck. Make me a little, make me a little lizard. God damn it, okay.

• 49:30Travis McElroy?

  I made the mistake of a couple times, like, we'd be at a toy store, like, you know, a craft fair or whatever, and my kids would wanna buy something, like, "We don't need to buy that, I'll just 3D print it at home." And now my kids believe that I can 3D print any toy they see.

• 49:43Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, dude, yeah. At my, my office, and I've done very little to combat this impression in my child's minds, but it's Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium up in here. And I can't say like, "This is where daddy does his business, but don't touch his adult Legos or 50 video game consoles or Infinite Toy Machine." You cannot. This is daddy's serious joke business that he does. You can't play with the video.

• 50:08Travis McElroy?

  Baby just comes in my office and says, "It's a mess in here. How do you walk around?" And I say, "I don't. I record." Yeah, I work.

• 50:16Travis McElroy?

  I make the donuts.

• 50:17Travis McElroy?

  I make the donuts. Maybe you need like, bouncy, happy friends with you?

• 50:24Griffin McElroy?

  So, I mean, they said in the question they're alone, and that to me feels like the hardest thing to fix.

• 50:30Travis McElroy?

  Just get a job at the haunted house.

• 50:32Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like if you like spooky season and it's close to your house, you could earn some money doing the thing you're doing right now.

• 50:41Travis McElroy?

  Get paid for it.

• 50:41Travis McElroy?

  Just start working there.

• 50:42Travis McElroy?

  Do what you love.

• 50:43Travis McElroy?

  Just become a part of it through your actions. Find a little nook that no one's using for scary. You start scaring, then at the end of the day, go up to the boss and be like, "Hey, I didn't get my paycheck last week." Boom, you've got a job now.

• 50:58Travis McElroy?

  There's no way that would work. That you are not allowed to do unlicensed scares. They will clock that immediately, and they got insurance. They can't have some unlicensed scarer in there, untrained.

• 51:09Travis McElroy?

  Raise your hand if you have worked at four different haunted houses. That's Griffin?

• 51:17Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I did. I just don't, I just don't talk about it. I'm embarrassed, but I, you forced my hand. I've worked in exactly four haunted houses.

• 51:24Travis McElroy?

  I was a professional scarer, Griffin, and I don't think you have the bona fides.

• 51:29Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Travis McElroy?

  That's true. That is true. I scared Jonah Hill once.

• 51:34Griffin McElroy?

  I played Little Pinhead, and I scared Jonah Hill, too. That's crazy.

• 51:38Travis McElroy?

  You did not scare Jonah Hill.

• 51:39Griffin McElroy?

  I did, dude. I worked in four haunted houses. I played Little Pinhead.

• 51:42Travis McElroy?

  The sequel to Jonah Hill.

• 51:44Travis McElroy?

  Jonah Mountain.

• 51:46Griffin McElroy?

  I came out and got-

• 51:47Travis McElroy?

  That's what he evolves.

• 51:51Griffin McElroy?

  Big and Strong for that role. It's a shame. We didn't think of that joke.

• 51:55Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:56Griffin McElroy?

  Then. But yeah, I was a little pinhead. I scared him. I came out and I was like, we're gonna put hooks in your body in hell. And he was like.

• 52:03Travis McElroy?

  And that was part of a haunted house? They sell those shirts at Walmart now that say, I'm gonna put hooks in your body in hell and a picture of a little pinhead on there. They'll sell those to you. Yeah. And that's Griffin. Who did that? That's Griffin in the suit. Every time you see it. Huh. The voice is usually Jim Hanks, Tom Hanks's brother. But if you see the little pinhead, that is always Griffin.

• 52:25Griffin McElroy?

  Not big pinhead.

• 52:26Travis McElroy?

  Not big pinhead. But if you keep at it, Griffin, you might get a promotion.

• 52:32Griffin McElroy?

  Hellraiser really is like Clyde Barker was trying to think of like what the next scary thing was gonna be. And he just kinda threw it. It was a sort of everything bagel of horror. Where he's like, yeah, it's a hell demons and they come out and they hurt your bodies.

• 52:45Travis McElroy?

  Have you even watched the movies, Griffin? Or are you too little?

• 52:48Griffin McElroy?

  I've seen the movies. I know all about.

• 52:51Travis McElroy?

  Oh, really, Griffin? Is, have you seen the movies like you were totally little pinhead? Or are you just lying about this too?

• 53:00Griffin McElroy?

  No, I've seen it.

• 53:01Travis McElroy?

  I've read the novelizations. Tell me the scariest three parts in all Hellraiser movies.

• 53:07Griffin McElroy?

  Sure, man. The guy gets his hands on the devil's cube. He pushes the wrong button and then hell hooks come and they get in his body.

• 53:14Travis McElroy?

  Okay, I haven't, don't spoil them though. I haven't seen it. Like I haven't, don't spoil it. How high does hell, how high does hell get?

• 53:21Griffin McElroy?

  600 meters.

• 53:23Travis McElroy?

  Whoa, they raised that shit up.

• 53:26Griffin McElroy?

  I've seen Little Nicky twice, which equals one Hellraiser movie.

• 53:31Travis McElroy?

  That sounds like a hell kind of experience.

• 53:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I'd rather have hell hooks put in my body and have dogs eat my bones.

• 53:38Travis McElroy?

  But you saw it a second time, Griffin. That's why I'm confused. This isn't even true either. He's lying about this. Don't you?

• 53:46Griffin McElroy?

  I haven't lied. I have not lied so far this episode.

• 53:49Travis McElroy?

  I don't think that, Griffin, I don't actually think that anything you said today has been true, but I want you to know that this is true. We got some merch in the merch store.

• 53:59Griffin McElroy?

  That is true.

• 54:00Travis McElroy?

  That's true. You can go to macroymerch.com. You can get a Duber Sweet Leaf tee. There's a Super McElroy Brothers logo pin.

• 54:07Griffin McElroy?

  It's a lot if you say Sweet Leaf tee.

• 54:09Travis McElroy?

  That's true. That's actually a really good point. It's a t-shirt.

• 54:12Griffin McElroy?

  A refreshing beverage.

• 54:12Travis McElroy?

  A commemorative t-shirt. There's a don't talk to my brother, my brother and me ever again hat. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month are gonna be donated to the Center for Reproductive Rights, which works to protect reproductive health, self-determination and dignity as basic human rights.

• 54:30Travis McElroy?

  Um, also this week, the besties live on Broadway, October 9th at the Town Hall in NYC. There's still a few tickets available if you go to bit.ly slash besties on Broadway. Also, we have news. Big, good news, I think, at least, or at least it's something, it's big and good, or at least something people have been asking for, for a long time. We are going to be offering YouTube channel memberships for $5 a month. That means to you that you will finally be able to watch full video episodes of my brother, my brother and me from now on, on, on the YouTube.

• 55:09Griffin McElroy?

  It wouldn't, we said it wouldn't happen.

• 55:11Travis McElroy?

  We said it wouldn't happen, but you just kept asking. So we're doing it. And if you don't like it, you cannot get mad at us. Because it's not the only thing that you can check out. But you will like it. You will like it. And you're gonna get more though. It's not just the, the, the episodes. That's, that's true. You can watch full video episodes. What else? What else, guys? You also get early access to other video content like Monster Factory, Justice Technically Competent, more, more, more.

• 55:38Griffin McElroy?

  Our goal is to have video episodes of my bim bam out two days after the audio version's released. So usually Wednesdays, uh, and, and it's, it's, I'm, I'm very excited for this to, to be out there because people have wanted it for a while. It's been a bit prohibitive for us to do these full episodes, but now they're here.

• 55:55Travis McElroy?

  Nothing else will change. The shows will not be more visual than they used to be. We're not, you're not gonna be missing out on anything. If you don't join, it's just an option. It's there free if you want it. Enjoy. McElroy Family on YouTube. If you go to YouTube, search McElroy Family, you'll find it. And if you haven't done that already, we do so many good like videos there. We do streams and stuff. Go check it out. You can just go there to support. If you wanna just kick in five bucks a month to support that video stuff, that's, that's, you like the video, we appreciate you. Thank you. Sick. Sick.

• 56:22Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks also to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Um, I love this track and I love, uh, I love Montane's music and it's just an honor to continue to be able to use this song for this purpose. I can't throw the top box. I can't.

• 56:37Travis McElroy?

  I have a pair of glasses here I could throw. No, seems unwise. Go for it. Yeah.

• 56:44Travis McElroy?

  We don't have something. I wanna be, I want it to matter. You want it to matter? Glasses don't matter? I haven't seen something in a while. Hold on. Okay. Hey, I'm gonna throw the Bible. Yeah, yeah.

• 56:58Griffin McElroy?

  Why do you have the Bible at arm's reach? Oh, it's the extreme faith, uh, teen Bible. Yeah, sure.

• 57:03Travis McElroy?

  Three, two, one.

• 57:07Griffin McElroy?

  Ooh, that was a.

• 57:12Travis McElroy?

  My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 57:15Griffin McElroy?

  Griffin McElroy.

• 57:16Travis McElroy?

  This has been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad, square on the lips.