MBMBaM 772: Spiders Are Writing and God Is Real

We'll be the ones brave enough to say it: Donkey Kong's office behavior is unprofessional, and James shouldn't be bringing that energy to the workplace. This week we're helping you through all sorts of sticky situations, including deflecting your barber's house pig soft sell, disguising your flatulent footwear, and literally begging a flight attendant to let you go to the bathroom. Suggested talking points: James Kong, Bad Pigs Only, That’s Life, Lazlo’s Hierarchy of Needs, Empty Unglazed Shell, I Left My Wallet in California Immigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:21Speaker 01

  It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has got it, it's rapid into a precious friendship.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:09Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:15Travis McElroy?

  What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your mildest brother, Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy.

• 1:20Griffin McElroy?

  What's good, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 Under 30, Griffin McElroy.

• 1:25Travis McElroy?

  I, the new Donkey Kong is here. Donkey Kong, banana, banana, banana, banana.

• 1:30Griffin McElroy?

  You couldn't sound more enthusiastic about this tape. There we go.

• 1:34Travis McElroy?

  Justin's been having some coughing issues, Griffin. How dare you?

• 1:37Travis McElroy?

  It's not, yeah, right. What a jerk. It's also not my job to try to sell Nintendo products. That's the job of Shigeru Miyamoto and his best friend, Reggie Fizemay.

• 1:45Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:46Travis McElroy?

  That's the only two people that his job is.

• 1:47Griffin McElroy?

  God, that fucking, I would watch that buddy cop movie, Big Cop, Little Genius Cop. Gimme.

• 1:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, where Shigeru Miyamoto is like solving the crimes and Reggie Fizemay is out there like has his muscle, his emporse.

• 2:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 2:03Travis McElroy?

  Now we're on to something.

• 2:04Travis McElroy?

  No, but I was, I was playing the new Donkey Kong game today and I was thinking like, it was this sense I had where my daughter was playing the Donkey Kong and she was enjoying it and I felt uncomfortable. And I started thinking about it and...

• 2:20Travis McElroy?

  I think there's something, do you guys think there is something inherently puerile about Donkey Kong?

• 2:27Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, for sure, dude.

• 2:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 2:30Griffin McElroy?

  For sure, dude. He's not. This man, we have all been so quick to forgive.

• 2:36Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:37Griffin McElroy?

  He kidnapped women professional, like, the only thing you knew about this dude is he liked to climb a tower, he liked to throw a barrel, he liked to kidnap a woman.

• 2:46Travis McElroy?

  I would say.

• 2:47Griffin McElroy?

  And now we're just supposed to, and now because it's been 40 years or whatever, we're supposed to just let bygones be bygones? I don't think so, Mr. Kong.

• 2:54Travis McElroy?

  I would say that, pretty, pretty confidently, I would say that Donkey Kong uh, is the kind of person that you were really good friends with in college. And you loved his party animal antics. And now, like, that you're a parent, a grown up.

• 3:10Griffin McElroy?

  I can't bring him around my kids, no way.

• 3:12Travis McElroy?

  No way, right?

• 3:14Travis McElroy?

  Like, enjoy remembering the times you spent with Donkey Kong. But when you hang out with Donkey Kong, you start to realize, wow, I'm apologizing to my current friends a lot.

• 3:24Travis McElroy?

  To them on his behalf.

• 3:26Griffin McElroy?

  I'll follow, I'll follow DK's IG. But I'm not gonna invite, I can't have a, I can't have a, a friend like that around the crew. I can't have that reflecting on me.

• 3:37Travis McElroy?

  No, I'm not gonna have him like at my kid's birthday party or something. God, are you kidding me?

• 3:41Travis McElroy?

  Just inherently as a, as a organism, I feel like there's just something lascivious about the guy.

• 3:47Griffin McElroy?

  And it's, and it might just be that, like, I don't think we can have him back here knowing how close he is with Diddy. Like, I don't think it is.

• 3:59Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, that's, hey, Griffin, that's such a good point. His relationship with his relationship with Diddy, um, they were very close for a number of years. Him and Diddy.

• 4:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:09Travis McElroy?

  And I, uh, I think that we've got, it's not beautiful.

• 4:13Travis McElroy?

  It's not beautiful, but I mean, it's beautiful of us to recognize, I mean, is what I mean.

• 4:16Travis McElroy?

  Right now in 2025, I think his relationship with Diddy is a huge problem.

• 4:20Travis McElroy?

  I think so, too.

• 4:20Griffin McElroy?

  There's no way that fool shows up in the new game, right? There's no way. They're gonna give him a game off probably to let the let the dust settle a little bit.

• 4:28Travis McElroy?

  Maybe change that name.

• 4:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:31Travis McElroy?

  Maybe change it, Ditson, maybe.

• 4:33Travis McElroy?

  My theory is. That Funky Kong is an undercover cop.

• 4:38Travis McElroy?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:39Travis McElroy?

  Because they're all funky. He feels like, you know what I mean?

• 4:44Travis McElroy?

  For sure.

• 4:44Travis McElroy?

  The whole family is funky.

• 4:46Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:47Travis McElroy?

  He feels like he overshot it Sneaky Pete's style.

• 4:51Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:51Travis McElroy?

  And he showed up like a few years later, like, we're all pretty funky here, right? Hey, where are we bearing all the money?

• 4:58Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Can I also say, I think the world is ready now that this Donkey Kong game is out for like a God of War-esque reboot where we see Donkey Kong now a responsible human being who doesn't smash anymore.

• 5:13Griffin McElroy?

  He has a new son named like Charles or something normal. Yeah.

• 5:17Travis McElroy?

  And then like somebody comes to him and they're like, we need you to smash stuff. And he's like, I don't do that anymore. I don't smash.

• 5:25Griffin McElroy?

  That's a pretty good God of War.

• 5:26Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. I can't do it on purpose.

• 5:29Griffin McElroy?

  Nope.

• 5:30Travis McElroy?

  It's like, there's also something about just his name that feels gaslighting to me. Like he tells you and you're like, nice. And then like a few hours later, you're like, Kong, no, not, I know a famous Kong. It's not him.

• 5:45Travis McElroy?

  You can't just have that.

• 5:45Travis McElroy?

  And he's not a donkey. Like, you know what I mean? Like he gave me this fake name to try to set me at ease.

• 5:50Travis McElroy?

  It's once again feels like a nickname that he got in college for being a cool party dude. But now he's in like his 40s and he's like, everybody calls me Donkey Kong. And it's like, hey, man.

• 6:02Travis McElroy?

  Like at the office, he's like, let's just hope at the New Year's party, you guys don't meet Donkey Kong. That's all I'm saying. And they're like, what are you talking about?

• 6:10Travis McElroy?

  James, can you come into my office? We need to talk for a second. There's been a lot of HR complaints.

• 6:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Do you want James or Kong?

• 6:15Travis McElroy?

  No, I need to talk to James right now.

• 6:18Travis McElroy?

  One second. Let me get him.

• 6:20Travis McElroy?

  Okay. You do great work in data analysis and we're really happy.

• 6:25Griffin McElroy?

  Your ties are always so crisp.

• 6:27Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but we've had a lot of complaints about Donkey Kong.

• 6:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I will. I have spoken to him. Repeatedly, sir. And unfortunately, when I get one whiff of a banana, Yes. The animal comes out and

• 6:42Griffin McElroy?

  Now, that's funny you say that because we talked, I'm HR, and I talked it over with some of my colleagues, and they said, that's simply not a thing. They said, there's a lot of things that, you know, will create special circumstances in the workplace, but after extensive research and consultation with many medical experts,

• 6:58Travis McElroy?

  We got Dr. Mario to come in.

• 7:00Griffin McElroy?

  Dr. Mario was there, Dr. Robotnik. They did confirm that there is no condition where if you smell a banana, you turn into a crazy, crazy egg.

• 7:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, okay. That's, oh, that's, that's so intere-, you know, that's so interesting. I would love to talk with Popeye about that because Popeye beat the living shit out of Jeremy after one bite of spinach, and he was back in the office the next week.

• 7:20Griffin McElroy?

  Now, that's technically

• 7:21Travis McElroy?

  So you tell me.

• 7:22Griffin McElroy?

  That is a food allergy.

• 7:23Travis McElroy?

  That's related to his iron levels, and that's medically documented, James.

• 7:28Griffin McElroy?

  That is real. That is very real. We are also Chiquita banana company. So like, it seems like your exposure to your triggering compound is gonna be pretty unavoidable here. I would ask why you came to work here. Why would you want to work here?

• 7:44Travis McElroy?

  No, don't open a banana, James.

• 7:46Griffin McElroy?

  Please, James, James.

• 7:48Travis McElroy?

  Don't open.

• 7:48Griffin McElroy?

  James, we are going to have to ask you to leave the building, James.

• 7:51Travis McElroy?

  You're gonna love it.

• 7:52Griffin McElroy?

  James, what are you, opening it up on both ends? Oh, you have two bananas.

• 7:57Travis McElroy?

  I've got two.

• 7:58Griffin McElroy?

  I thought you peeled it from both ends. That was like a

• 8:01Travis McElroy?

  James, we have a minecart right here that we'd like to get.

• 8:03Griffin McElroy?

  He's got two stuck in his armpits now.

• 8:06Travis McElroy?

  I'm holding fire at once.

• 8:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:10Griffin McElroy?

  Let's hope, let's hope Juice, that the audio accompanies that clip wherever it may rear its head, because otherwise the pantomime he just did was

• 8:17Travis McElroy?

  Those two, those two always, they did refuse together like Ladyhawk, man. I need them to be sharing a body. I never want them separated. The audio and the video are one, one, one of a whole. You know how Mario was originally named Jumpman?

• 8:31Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:31Travis McElroy?

  Everybody knows this. My, and then they, they needed to get an extension on their lease at the N O A headquarters in Seattle, and their landlord at the time was named Mario, so they named Mario, Mario in his honor. So he would give them a little bit more leniency. With the loan, but originally it was Jump Man and my head can for that has always been that that is how Donkey Kong understands what has been presented to him. This is his game. It's his P of you. As far as he knows, it's just a jump man. It's just a man.

• 8:58Griffin McElroy?

  He can't understand. He can't understand like words. So like, that's just Jump Man for sure.

• 9:04Travis McElroy?

  Jump Man. That's I understand it to be jumping. He still doesn't understand Mario. Like, he doesn't know the name.

• 9:09Griffin McElroy?

  Did you know?

• 9:10Travis McElroy?

  They hang out all the time.

• 9:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure. Did you all know that Yoshi's full name is T. Yoshisaw Munchakupas, which was actually the name of Shigeru Miyamoto's podiatrist?

• 9:20Travis McElroy?

  Huh?

• 9:21Griffin McElroy?

  And he named, uh, T. Yoshisaw Munchakupas after his podiatrist, Dr. Munchakupas.

• 9:27Travis McElroy?

  Did you know that Zelda is the boy?

• 9:30Griffin McElroy?

  I did.

• 9:35Travis McElroy?

  I recently started working.

• 9:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:37Travis McElroy?

  Griffin. Griffin.

• 9:39Griffin McElroy?

  We do that more often than we don't do that. We'd, we all start talking at the same time to

• 9:44Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but only one of us has the list of questions. The other two are about to kibitz and second guess. And one of us is about to lead us to the promised land of a new bit. Okay?

• 9:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we'll get there.

• 9:54Travis McElroy?

  I recently started working as a hairstylist assistant at a local salon. My boss, the hairstylist, seems that track. Can I just say, I'm really relieved your boss is the hairstylist because if there was yet another layer of middle management in the barber industry that I did not know about, I was really gonna be thrown for a loop. I'm glad there's just the two, the one layer of assistant to the barber that I did not know existed. There's not an assistant to the assistant. My boss, the hairstylist, seems nice and cool overall. And he revealed to me pretty much as soon as I started working there that he has a pet house pig. He won't stop bringing up the pig in conversation with clients and repeats stories about her constantly. I have no problem with him owning a pig and in fact, think it's pretty awesome. But I think I'm gonna go insane if I keep hearing the same stories

• 10:37Travis McElroy?

  over and over again. How can I steer the conversation away from her or make him stop talking about her altogether? That's from Porky prob- Porky Problems in Chicopee.

• 10:49Griffin McElroy?

  I do.

• 10:50Travis McElroy?

  I have never thought about this.

• 10:53Griffin McElroy?

  About pig?

• 10:54Travis McElroy?

  No.

• 10:54Travis McElroy?

  You've never thought about what would it be like to work for a hairstylist who has a pet house pig that talks about it constantly?

• 11:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, of course not. That's really specific.

• 11:01Travis McElroy?

  If you are somebody that shares a barber space or a hair salon space with other hairstylists, right?

• 11:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:10Travis McElroy?

  They probably come in with their five to 10 minutes of material.

• 11:15Travis McElroy?

  They're tight five, yeah.

• 11:16Travis McElroy?

  They're five. Here's my thing that I'm doing today. Here's what I got spun up, and I'm gonna give everybody this anecdote. If you got the chair next to them, you could be hearing the same fucking anecdote over and over and over again. Guys, my masking, I'm, I don't think I could cover the fact that I have heard this story before. I don't think I could cloak it. No way. No way.

• 11:38Griffin McElroy?

  I do think if you have a pig, you do wanna be talking about it.

• 11:42Travis McElroy?

  Of course.

• 11:43Griffin McElroy?

  Just so it's worth it.

• 11:47Griffin McElroy?

  It's just so it's worth it. We have friends who got a pig once because they had a yard space for pig and we lived in Texas and why the fuck not? And did you all know, this is actually cool, um, a pig is the loudest animal on the earth and when it does it squeal or anything, it's not babe in the city, it is a shrieking air raid siren that goes off 120 times a day. Um, I think maybe if you do have that particular type of pig in your home, you have to talk about it just to, one, let some of the pressure out from time to time so you don't. And two, so it just feels like it's.

• 12:22Travis McElroy?

  Eat it.

• 12:24Travis McElroy?

  Are you maybe given, is this guy maybe given the softest cell? Is he maybe, is he maybe hoping eventually he'll be like, I don't know, I'd hate to give him up. He's really a great pig. I mean, I, I guess, I guess hearing my.

• 12:38Travis McElroy?

  And now if you look at the, where I've trimmed the back of your hair, whoa, it looks like the pig came in and shaved some pig in the back of your hair.

• 12:45Griffin McElroy?

  What the fuck? The pig can talk through, hey, in Charlotte's Web, what's the story there? Cause everyone sees the spider web that says some pig and then everyone's like, holy shit. But it doesn't seem like anyone's really necessarily crediting the spider much.

• 12:58Travis McElroy?

  No, they think the pig. Did it.

• 12:59Travis McElroy?

  Everyone in, everyone in the book has, it's important for Charlotte's world to work that everyone in the book be among the dumbest human beings that have ever lived on the planet.

• 13:08Travis McElroy?

  They have a fundamental misunderstanding of pigs and their web slinging capabilities.

• 13:13Griffin McElroy?

  If they showed up and, and Wilbur had a fucking golden egg sitting in his trough, would they be like, damn, Wilbur? You laid a golden egg from your cloaca? Shit, man, that's awesome, dude.

• 13:26Travis McElroy?

  Now, it is important, though, to note that would convince them that he was pretty special. I think that within the fiction of Charlotte's Web, the fact that he is able to spin a web that says some pig. If they thought all pigs could do that, it wouldn't be that notable.

• 13:43Travis McElroy?

  But it's so fucked up. Like, it's clearly a spider talking about a cool pig. And it's like, I'm glad the spider likes the pig, but the big headline is spiders are writing and God is real. Like, God is real. Come to our barn and see. There is a creator. He made us in a loving way, in his loving image, and he wants us to know this pig is okay.

• 14:07Griffin McElroy?

  Ignore the dipshit pig because like the spider won't do her thing.

• 14:11Travis McElroy?

  Clearly, the pig.

• 14:13Griffin McElroy?

  We got rid of the pig. The pig's so fucking loud, we got rid of it because it would like scare the guests away when they would come and we'd charge a thousand dollars to take it to see the god spider. But like, if we do take the pig away, the spider gets really fucking cranky about it.

• 14:25Travis McElroy?

  Folks, here's, here's what I'm here to tell you, folks. It doesn't fucking matter what the spider's writing. The, the impulse is in a spider's brain. We can't decode that. I don't know why the spider likes the pig. You know what I mean? It's a spider. The important thing is there's letters.

• 14:39Travis McElroy?

  That said, we know that the spider has, the spider has recently been spinning some questionable statements. And they're problematic. We understand that. We understand that.

• 14:49Griffin McElroy?

  Ignore the sentiment.

• 14:50Travis McElroy?

  Ignore the sentiment. It's the fact that the spider can write.

• 14:53Griffin McElroy?

  Can make words.

• 14:55Travis McElroy?

  Please don't take the words to heart. We're not endorsing it.

• 14:59Griffin McElroy?

  She's got something new. It was it? It says pizza time. Okay, like that doesn't mean anything. And it's not the strong biblical message that we are hoping the spider will get across, but it's crazy that the spider knows how to write the letters to spell pizza time in the first place.

• 15:13Travis McElroy?

  The, the words that the, the, that Charlotte writes in the book, uh, include terrific.

• 15:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:19Travis McElroy?

  Some pig.

• 15:20Griffin McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 15:21Travis McElroy?

  And radiant as well as humble. Now, had it been me, Charlotte, I would have begun with humble because that is gonna get people in the right mindset to accept whatever comes next. Bow before your, the Lord thy God. He has made this spider in his divine image as his messenger.

• 15:39Travis McElroy?

  She also should have started with some pig, cuz if he just says terrific.

• 15:44Griffin McElroy?

  That can mean anything.

• 15:45Travis McElroy?

  How do we know that she's like, she's an influencer, right? And she's figuring out her hashtags and just putting terrific isn't a good hashtag.

• 15:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that might just.

• 15:55Travis McElroy?

  Said a different thing.

• 15:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, and Travis said it's different.

• 15:59Travis McElroy?

  I said it should start with humble.

• 16:00Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 16:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. It's like, I guess from God, but I said a different thing from you.

• 16:04Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that happens sometimes.

• 16:05Travis McElroy?

  Start with both, though.

• 16:07Travis McElroy?

  What about some pig, comma, humble?

• 16:10Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. Some pig, comma, complimentary.

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  Oh.

• 16:17Travis McElroy?

  Oh, maybe it's this, some pig, and then in tiny letters, I know I, the spider, wrote this, but I'm keeping it humble, keeping it 100. This ain't about me, it's about the pig. Signed, Charlotte, the spider. Please don't kill me either. I know that how human beings feel about spiders.

• 16:36Travis McElroy?

  Can, can you, can you pretend that you have two pigs?

• 16:41Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, nice dude.

• 16:42Travis McElroy?

  Because if you start, I think the barber is gonna get, if you start spinning tales, right? Of your two pigs that are gallivanting around, he's not gonna have the guts to even mention his paltry one pig.

• 16:56Griffin McElroy?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:57Travis McElroy?

  That's half the laughs, half the hijinks, half the hot dog eating. No, thank you.

• 17:01Travis McElroy?

  Maybe come in with a couple of blue ribbons, but you're like, I didn't even enter them, but they're so cool.

• 17:08Griffin McElroy?

  They're so good.

• 17:09Travis McElroy?

  Somebody came by, yeah.

• 17:11Griffin McElroy?

  You could get a bite mark on your arm and over the weekend say there was a terrible pig accident. And so now when your barber brings up pigs, it really, it gets you pretty freaked out.

• 17:22Travis McElroy?

  You could try to lure the pig into biting you.

• 17:25Travis McElroy?

  I thought we were gonna go into a where pig thing.

• 17:27Griffin McElroy?

  Oh yeah, you could also do a where pig Peter Porker thing for sure.

• 17:30Travis McElroy?

  Or you could lure the pig into biting you and have the authorities put it down.

• 17:34Griffin McElroy?

  Cause then you'd have to go to their house and that's a whole fucking.

• 17:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, then you're gonna have to look at all the photo albums.

• 17:41Griffin McElroy?

  By the pig.

• 17:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:42Griffin McElroy?

  But there is a pretty good chance that the owner of the pig is gonna be like, oh no. Oh no, stop.

• 17:48Travis McElroy?

  Is it possible, like I can't, if I, so pigs are very intelligent, right? The idea of a house pig, when a pig is like, hey, all the stuff I really like. Like mud and digging for things and stuff.

• 18:02Griffin McElroy?

  Sloppy shit.

• 18:03Travis McElroy?

  That's all outside and you won't bring any of that stuff in here?

• 18:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, if, if a pig could talk, the first thing the pig says when it gets adopted is, are you sure, man? I'm a sloppy shit monster and I'm gonna fuck all your stuff up. That's what I want in my life.

• 18:18Travis McElroy?

  That's what I do.

• 18:19Griffin McElroy?

  I'm gonna get in your garbage can, I'm gonna make a terrible mess every day. Are you sure?

• 18:24Travis McElroy?

  And I'm not gonna appreciate you or anything you do, cause I know better. I know better. Do you think I'm a dog? Those guys, they're happy with anything. They love it. Oh, that's great.

• 18:34Griffin McElroy?

  If you're, if you're a pig head, pig head and you're listening to this, you have a pig at your house, please know we're not talking about your special precious.

• 18:40Travis McElroy?

  No, your special.

• 18:41Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking about bad pigs.

• 18:44Travis McElroy?

  We don't wanna hear about your pig either.

• 18:45Griffin McElroy?

  No, but we know that it's a good precious angel. Just know that we're talking about shitty pigs.

• 18:49Travis McElroy?

  How do you know, when I, when you look at a pig that's just been born, how do you know that that is gonna be a good house pig versus a farm pig?

• 18:58Griffin McElroy?

  Um, they have a little bib on them.

• 19:00Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 19:01Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, and they have wellingtons. When I'm indoors, I wear slippers in the colder months and plastic sandals in the warmer months. My plastic sandals occasionally make a delightful farting noise when I turn my bare feet in them just so, not like a railroad or like a clarion toot. We have plumbers at our house right now, and when I walked past them at one point, my sandals made the noise. How do I convince these plumbers that I did not in fact fart in front of them or demonstrate to them the flatulent capacity of my sandals? That's from No Toots in New England. I do really enjoy the image of you like walking back and forth near them like, oh, there they go again, my farting shoes. Everyone, are you hearing this? Wow, what a zinger.

• 19:41Griffin McElroy?

  I have to wear them. That's not negotiable.

• 19:44Travis McElroy?

  Their prescription. I bought some for you too, so you could see. Here, everybody, put on our sandals. Stop your work. Stop your work. Let us walk around the house together barefoot in your sandals.

• 19:56Griffin McElroy?

  Let's normalize putting the pressure to relieve this situation on the audience, on the recipient of it. I think in the same manner that when someone sneezes, you say, bless you. When someone scoots a chair or slides their arm against some hardwood or apparently walks in these clown sandals and it makes a fart noise, but you know that's not what just happened. You should, there should be a, the onus should be on you to look at them and say like, you're cool. I know.

• 20:30Travis McElroy?

  What if, can we normalize just looking at someone dead in the eyes, no conversation, and just saying, that's life. Like, that's cool.

• 20:38Griffin McElroy?

  That's same energy. I fucking love that.

• 20:40Travis McElroy?

  Hey, pal, that's life. Like, you hear, you hear the fart noise, you look at them, either they, you farted or you didn't, you know, but I'll just say, that's life.

• 20:49Griffin McElroy?

  Now, I will say, I don't want to, that's life, a real fart. I don't want to, that's life.

• 20:54Travis McElroy?

  I do. I do. That's what I'm saying. I think that there has to be a level of honesty here, where if I am working at someone's home and the noise happens, or someone scoots their chair or whatever, and I indicate that I assume it was created by an inanimate object,

• 21:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 21:10Travis McElroy?

  it is then, if you say, no, that was real, and now we're all... We're being honest with each other.

• 21:17Griffin McElroy?

  But I don't, that's too honest. I want you to feel comfortable. And the way that I do that is if you do rip like a stage five beaver like right next to me and a picture frame falls off a nearby wall. I'm not going to look at you or acknowledge that at all. I know what happened and you don't want me to acknowledge that. They don't want acknowledgement. They only want it if it's a sandal fart and it's not real. You don't want to be acknowledged for your heinous gas. There's no way, guys.

• 21:46Travis McElroy?

  But there's two, but once, once it happens, there's a bifurcation, right? Between the reality of the situation and the situation in my head. And if this person has left a complete vacuum, I'm inserting the worst I can come up with. If they look at me and say, that's life, we're done.

• 22:05Griffin McElroy?

  If you rip a huge, actual fart. If you, Justin, are sitting next to someone on an airplane. You, you rip one and the, the cranberry juice on their tray tables like spills. And they look at you and they go, that's life. You're gonna feel good? Or you're gonna feel bad, embarrassed, creeped out, weird and terrible?

• 22:26Travis McElroy?

  What about, what about, instead of that's life, what about pretty, pretty convincing? Now this works on two levels.

• 22:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 22:35Travis McElroy?

  Because on the one hand, oh, it's acknowledging like that sounded almost real.

• 22:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 22:40Travis McElroy?

  But also if it was real, I'm convinced.

• 22:43Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, or Travis, even better, if you actually did fart and you say something like, sound, sounded pretty convincing, then they think, oh, they thought it was a fake. They thought it was a phony coming out of my sandals. When for real, it was real. That also gets rid of any of the bad feelings. That's really good.

• 23:04Griffin McElroy?

  And it's honest.

• 23:06Travis McElroy?

  It is honest. Comes from an honest place.

• 23:08Griffin McElroy?

  Comes from an honest place.

• 23:10Travis McElroy?

  Is there like a gaziantite, a bless you version that the two parties involved, or multiple parties, can all, in a very short, maybe one or two words, agree that they are just going to erase the last 15 seconds from their minds? What about, that's life?

• 23:27Travis McElroy?

  Huh. I mean, that's life.

• 23:31Griffin McElroy?

  If someone says that's life to me after I

• 23:34Travis McElroy?

  That is life.

• 23:35Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know. I don't know what situation I'm in in life where I fart out loud enough for a stranger to hear it.

• 23:42Travis McElroy?

  Anything else?

• 23:43Griffin McElroy?

  But if someone does that to me, I'm gonna be creeped out by them. It's that is akin to them saying like, hmm.

• 23:53Travis McElroy?

  It's not akin to them savoring it. That's not akin to that at all, Griffin. It's not akin to them being like.

• 23:59Griffin McElroy?

  It feels akin to that.

• 24:02Griffin McElroy?

  It feels of a nature relating to that.

• 24:04Travis McElroy?

  I'm just saying, we need to normalize saying stuff that acknowledges without judgment. And I feel like the problem with the silence is that it is judgmental. There's a ju- there's a judgment in the silence. So I feel like filling the silence with, that's life, cuz it is. That's life, guys.

• 24:24Griffin McElroy?

  That's life, but it's.

• 24:26Travis McElroy?

  What about safe zone? You just announced safe zone.

• 24:29Griffin McElroy?

  Safe zone.

• 24:30Travis McElroy?

  I don't.

• 24:31Griffin McElroy?

  That's that. That's that sounds like.

• 24:33Travis McElroy?

  Do it closer to it.

• 24:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's no good. Um, I don't know how much longer we want to talk about this, but a fart is selfish.

• 24:40Travis McElroy?

  Free space.

• 24:41Griffin McElroy?

  Um, when you do one, you're making the world the worst place for everyone around you. You're saying Huffbe- like you are. This is a very personal experience that you may or may not have signed on for. I do not think we should be so quick to excuse a real, actual fart. I do think.

• 24:58Travis McElroy?

  Sometimes. Sometimes they pip out.

• 25:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they pip out, but you try really hard.

• 25:02Travis McElroy?

  It's not rude that they pip out.

• 25:04Griffin McElroy?

  It is still rude. You're hurting people with the bad smell that you emit.

• 25:07Travis McElroy?

  They pip out. Your body pips them out, not my brain.

• 25:09Griffin McElroy?

  Go further away.

• 25:10Travis McElroy?

  It just needs to happen. Sometimes you're trapped in the space. You're too deep in a window seat on an airplane, Griffin? What's rude? Or making them get up so you could go to the bathroom just to toot? I have to go to the bathroom to toot. No way.

• 25:24Griffin McElroy?

  I think I've reached my limit, guys. I don't think.

• 25:27Travis McElroy?

  Okay, well, actually, this is great timing then. When I was on the plane back from our recent, our recent shows in California. Uh, it was the second flight.

• 25:35Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you, everybody who came out to see us, by the way. It was fucking great.

• 25:37Travis McElroy?

  We didn't fart once during the whole show. You're welcome. Second flight back, which should be about 50 minutes long from Atlanta to Charleston. And I'm, I'm on, in the flight, and it gets to be like the last five minutes of the flight. And they make the announcement like, okay, everybody. Strap in because we're about to land and I think ah damn it, I should have peed. Cause I really need to pee and then I like, I, I kinda like raised my hand. I'm like, can I like, I signaled.

• 26:03Griffin McElroy?

  Always cool, always, always the look.

• 26:05Travis McElroy?

  And she's like, no, no, no, like this, don't. So I'm like, okay, fine. Uh, and then I started.

• 26:10Travis McElroy?

  Did you make me think you were saying, can I land the plane? Can I go with the, can I, can I take it? I just always wanted to, if I could, I'm a pilot.

• 26:18Travis McElroy?

  With, uh, I don't want to do the landing. I just wanted to do a loop. So I, I'm like, I'm gonna go, go ahead and get, get onto the, go, go back for them. They said no. So then it goes to land and then I see the airport and then we pass the airport. Oh no. Then we start doing a loop.

• 26:36Griffin McElroy?

  One of them.

• 26:37Travis McElroy?

  And this guy is doing one of those. So now we're taking a loop. I see that loop start and I know, oh no. I really had to pee before, but now I really, really gotta pee. And then the guy goes around and five minutes and he does a loop and then he's about to land at the airport. And then he goes right past it and we're going again. And then I'm look, I look at, at her. The flight attendant and she looks at me and she's like, what can you do, man? Sorry, man, we're looping. That's life, we're looping. Guys, we loop for a third time and now the need to pee has gone beyond the sort of like, I'm, I'm up against.

• 27:19Griffin McElroy?

  Exquisite pain, I think they call it.

• 27:21Travis McElroy?

  And I'm up against physical limits. I'm up against physical barriers, right?

• 27:25Griffin McElroy?

  I'm, yeah.

• 27:26Travis McElroy?

  I'm now at this point, I look at her and I have put my backpack onto my lap. Because I have decided like, I'm, I'm going to have to pee my pants a, a little bit. You know, but I'm terrified.

• 27:42Travis McElroy?

  Release the pressure.

• 27:43Travis McElroy?

  Just release the pressure, but I'm terrified that like, if I start peeing, then I won't be able to stop. This is literally, this is how bad.

• 27:51Griffin McElroy?

  Hubris to think you could cut a midstream sitting peeing pants. No way.

• 27:55Travis McElroy?

  This is an emergency controlled burn scenario.

• 27:57Travis McElroy?

  Right. I look, I, as a hail Mary, I look at her and

• 28:05Travis McElroy?

  I just say, please.

• 28:10Travis McElroy?

  And she, she picks up the phone.

• 28:16Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we got a real piss boy situation.

• 28:18Travis McElroy?

  She picks up the phone and she calls a pilot.

• 28:22Griffin McElroy?

  Justin, how are you just now telling us this story, man? This is fucking solid gold, dude.

• 28:28Travis McElroy?

  She domed you into begging to pee. And then she had to like, let the captain know, like, I got another one.

• 28:35Griffin McElroy?

  Did the captain have to stop driving the plane for a couple of minutes so you could? Is that?

• 28:39Travis McElroy?

  There, I think you can argue, there was at least a half moment of some attention that I had diverted from the, from the landing of the plane to my person.

• 28:51Travis McElroy?

  Did he say please? Okay, yeah.

• 28:54Travis McElroy?

  I just, that's all he said, sir.

• 28:57Travis McElroy?

  How pathetic does he look? Does he backpack in lap like he's about to business pants to relieve the pressure?

• 29:02Griffin McElroy?

  He probably thinks he can just do a little bit, but we've seen otherwise, haven't we, Patricia?

• 29:06Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, we don't want to have to replace another seat, do we?

• 29:09Travis McElroy?

  She looks at me and she says, I'm sorry. She shakes her head. She says, he says we're landing soon.

• 29:19Travis McElroy?

  Heard that before.

• 29:21Travis McElroy?

  So we land and at this point I'm thinking to myself, please pee. I'm thinking to myself, pee your pants, Justin, it'll be okay. You won't die, you won't die. They'll put you in jail maybe for something, but like, you're not gonna die from it. You're gonna be okay. And I was telling myself to pee.

• 29:36Travis McElroy?

  Did you get the impression that the pilot at least tried to give the smoothest landing possible and acknowledgement of your discomfort?

• 29:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I, yeah, it was a, it was a humdinger. And then we land and we are rolling up to the airport and I'm doing the thing where like, I'm just, right, you know, I'm ready, I'm like pushed out of my seat, ready to go. And then the plane stops about 20 yards short and they say, folks, uh, due to a lightning storm, the ground crew is not able to reach us with the jet bridge right now, so we are gonna have to give it about 20 minutes.

• 30:07Griffin McElroy?

  But you can get up during the 20 minutes, right?

• 30:11Travis McElroy?

  Well, she immediately says, everyone, please, please, for your safety and for the legal, you know, for our legal culpability, please stay seated and stays buckled, stay buckled. And then she looks at me and she says, it's okay.

• 30:28Griffin McElroy?

  Wow.

• 30:29Travis McElroy?

  So now, right after this announcement, as people are like, I'm, P S, the, I'm towards the front of the plane and the restrooms are in the very back. So as people are strapping in and they're thinking about how they're gonna be stuck here for 20 minutes, they've just learned why they waited for the ground crew. I have to strut past them like, that's right, folks, not me, not this special.

• 30:51Travis McElroy?

  I'm a rabble rouser.

• 30:52Griffin McElroy?

  Just, I don't know how to tell you.

• 30:54Travis McElroy?

  Three and a half minutes, I timed it. Three and a half minutes.

• 30:58Griffin McElroy?

  That's huge.

• 30:59Travis McElroy?

  These people must have, there is no way any of these people thought I was in there for number one. No way was that a number one amount of time that I was in the bathroom.

• 31:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy, dude.

• 31:09Travis McElroy?

  That's why, Justin, when you're walking back there, you just have to look everybody one by one in the eyes and say, I'm not trying to cause trouble, I've got a piss boy emergency.

• 31:17Griffin McElroy?

  Now, I think there was probably something in Justin's body language and the sort of meter of his gait, that probably people saw that and immediately was like, damn, that dude's about to pop. Get him to the restroom.

• 31:30Travis McElroy?

  I feel like if you looked in my eyes, you would have seen beyond the beyond. I feel like you would have learned the secrets of how the pyramids were assembled. Like, just by looking. That's how, that's how deep into the horizon my awareness had peeled. I had peeled through the layers. I was, I had to pee so bad that I was no longer a member of the society that we had all agreed on, right?

• 31:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 31:53Travis McElroy?

  I had, it only took this much before I was like, I think I'm gonna leave society and pee my pants in the chair.

• 31:59Griffin McElroy?

  When you ascend and transcend Lazlo's traditional hierarchy of needs, and you reach the sort of piss orb that hovers above the pyramid, it's hard to like, really relate with the thoughts and feelings of people who are still kicking it on the traditional hierarchy.

• 32:18Travis McElroy?

  It's what they don't tell you that pissing your pants is an act of rebellion.

• 32:21Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 32:21Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? Like, it says that there is something going on right now in the current status quo that just isn't working for this guy.

• 32:30Travis McElroy?

  So I'm just gonna go ahead and make pissies.

• 32:32Griffin McElroy?

  And I do just wanna say that Lazlo's hierarchy of needs is, that's, that's- Maslow's brother and I didn't misspeak. He has a different hierarchy of needs.

• 32:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, because number one on Lazlo's hierarchy of needs is not pissing your pants.

• 32:47Griffin McElroy?

  Not pissing your pants is very high on it. There's also like.

• 32:49Travis McElroy?

  Keeping the people of Liberty City laughing. I mean, that's huge for Lazlo.

• 32:52Griffin McElroy?

  Huge, huge. Bro time is like big on his.

• 32:56Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:57Griffin McElroy?

  Just like a sort of amorphous bro time.

• 33:00Travis McElroy?

  Not letting chips go stale.

• 33:01Griffin McElroy?

  Not letting chips go stale is huge for him. Tornadoes.

• 33:05Travis McElroy?

  Whole base of his.

• 33:07Griffin McElroy?

  Tornadoes. He's just really into them.

• 33:09Travis McElroy?

  And tomatoes.

• 33:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:11Travis McElroy?

  Should we go to the money zone? I was about to suggest. God, you read my mind. It's amazing. I think we should go to the money zone.

• 33:16Griffin McElroy?

  Cool, dude.

• 33:17Travis McElroy?

  Too little, too late.

• 33:29Travis McElroy?

  Squarespace, Squarespace, Squarespace, Squarespace, Square airspace.

• 33:33Griffin McElroy?

  What if that was, what if we were allowed to do that? Wouldn't that be an effective advertisement if we just said the word Squarespace for two and a half minutes?

• 33:40Travis McElroy?

  Our dad was in a local ad that where the jingle for a shoe company was half price, half price, half price, half price, half price shoes.

• 33:47Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sure everyone's familiar, Juice.

• 33:49Travis McElroy?

  No, not everyone's familiar. I know because they sell stickers of it at the Red Caboose. So I can't imagine that they, everyone's familiar with our dad's.

• 33:56Griffin McElroy?

  Squarespace is first of all.

• 33:59Travis McElroy?

  Not our dad.

• 34:00Griffin McElroy?

  Not our dad, a sponsor of our podcast.

• 34:01Travis McElroy?

  He does more to take care of us than our dad in recent years.

• 34:04Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sure our dad has, our dad has not sponsored a single episode. If, if our dad tried to make a website, that shit would not boot or whatever websites do to get started. But you can get started making a Squarespace website so easily with Squarespace. The three of us don't know fucking anything about computers or like programming and stuff. But Squarespace, what?

• 34:27Travis McElroy?

  We don't know anything about love.

• 34:28Griffin McElroy?

  We do know about that. We, that's the only thing we know about.

• 34:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Oh, do we?

• 34:32Griffin McElroy?

  Squarespace does the other stuff. They give you the tools you need to make an incredible, professional looking, beautiful website. If you're a professional who needs a website, you can offer services, get paid all in one place. With on brand invoices and online payments, so many different systems to get that chatter. And all the websites look amazing. There's a library of professionally designed and award winning website templates. You pick the one that you want, designed for whatever category that you need it for, and you customize it how you want. And it, it's easy and it looks great.

• 35:07Travis McElroy?

  Head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial. I wanted to take credit for all the good work you just did. Yeah, bro. Whoa, dude. I wanted to swoop in. That sucks, man.

• 35:17Travis McElroy?

  Travis, as punishment, you have to do the next ad.

• 35:21Travis McElroy?

  Well, let's finish the, finish your swoop.

• 35:23Travis McElroy?

  I've already just, I was just telling him about it.

• 35:25Travis McElroy?

  Head to Squarespace.com/MyBrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MYBROTHER, all one word, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace, you bring the love, we'll bring the website. What do you guys think about that? I don't, I don't like it. Zocdoc is now the next one. Okay, Zocdoc. Let me tell you a little bit about Zocdoc. Maybe you've caused a deep rift between yourself and your younger brother by stealing his ad read and you're like, we need to do some therapy to work on this. Mm hmm. How, where do we even start? Is there a couples therapist that specifically works with brothers? Ideally, a throuples therapist for three brothers to work on.

• 36:10Travis McElroy?

  Really, I do hate everything you just said. Everything is happening. Fucking, I do, I just, I just revile it. I just came up with that word. Is that something already? Yeah, man. Yeah, it's a word that people use exclusively to describe their flesh and blood kin, real brothers. That's the word they use is throuple to describe them. Interesting, interesting, okay. So keep using, keep using it just like that. Okay, so, uh, using Zocdoc, you could make a throuples therapy appointment for you and your brothers? Sure. Do you really want me to keep using it, Griffin? Cause I'd rather die. Okay, great. Um, and you know, it's not just, uh, therapy. There's all kinds of doctors on there.

• 36:54Travis McElroy?

  You could get, uh, dental appointments, um, dermatologists, yours is regular checkups, all kinds of stuff. It's easy, it's fast, um, and it's comprehensive. So Zocdoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now and it's all online. Um, and you'll probably be able to book, uh, an appointment before probably the end of this episode. I don't know about ad, cause I'm about to wrap it up. He's about to finish. Yeah, man. I can always tell. Yeah, but Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. It's easy, it's fast. Griffin used it when he moved to DC and set himself up for all his doctor's appointments.

• 37:37Griffin McElroy?

  Literally just, literally just used it yesterday. Amazing.

• 37:40Travis McElroy?

  There you go. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com/mybrother to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash my brother. zocdoc.com slash my brother.

• 38:00Speaker 05

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast, taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 38:44Speaker 06

  Hello?

• 38:45Speaker 07

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 38:48Speaker 06

  No, I'm sorry, no sales calls. Goodbye.

• 38:50Speaker 07

  It's a multi-award-winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 38:54Speaker 06

  I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?

• 39:13Speaker 07

  Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 39:14Speaker 06

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 39:21Speaker 07

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 39:23Speaker 06

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 39:30Griffin McElroy?

  Your camera's off, Juice.

• 39:35Griffin McElroy?

  I can't see you.

• 39:39Speaker 08

  I want a munch.

• 39:41Travis McElroy?

  Squad!

• 39:42Speaker 08

  I want to munch!

• 39:45Griffin McElroy?

  Squad, high count donut!

• 39:47Speaker 08

  Hello, boys. It's such a pleasure to be back with you on your program.

• 39:52Griffin McElroy?

  It's been a minute. Do you need some dirt from underneath your keep? Because you look a little raggedy, my friend.

• 39:58Speaker 08

  It's the sunlight that is burning my eyes.

• 40:01Travis McElroy?

  It's a new, beautiful cape, I must say.

• 40:03Griffin McElroy?

  It's a nice cape.

• 40:05Speaker 08

  My cat pissed on my other one. I want to tell you, boys, about the new release from one of my favorite practitioners of

• 40:15Speaker 08

  Donut Delights. Crispy Cream.

• 40:17Griffin McElroy?

  Just right to business, huh? You don't want to catch up?

• 40:19Speaker 08

  Crispy Cream. And Warner Brothers discover global consumer products. We're powering up fans taste buds with the all-new Hungry for Heroes collection. Featuring three donuts. Celebrating iconic DC superheroes.

• 40:37Griffin McElroy?

  And I'm imagining a fourth donut that has had a very, very light amount of customization. Perhaps even not even part of the color palette of the other three donuts, yes.

• 40:48Speaker 08

  Landing today for a limited time at participating US shops, the Hungry for Heroes donuts will rescue your sweet cravings.

• 40:56Travis McElroy?

  That's great, because every time I look at, like, Superman, or Batman, or Wonder Woman, I think, I wonder what they taste like.

• 41:03Griffin McElroy?

  For sure.

• 41:04Speaker 08

  Yes. Capture the taste of your favorite heroes. I'm going to share with you, boys, the images, so you can virtually eat them with me.

• 41:13Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 41:16Griffin McElroy?

  All right.

• 41:18Speaker 08

  There we go.

• 41:19Griffin McElroy?

  There we go. So that's okay.

• 41:23Speaker 08

  It's time to take your taste buds to heroic heights. This is Superman donut. Taste your taste buds to heroic heights with Superman, the donut. This unglazed shell is filled with smooth white cream dipped in light blue icing and topped with fluffy buttercream flavored clouds. Finished with a bold Superman piece and colorful Superman sprinkle blend.

• 41:49Speaker 08

  It's a sweet celebration of courage, strength and sky high flavor.

• 41:54Griffin McElroy?

  I don't like there being something on the donut I'm going to eat called a bold Superman piece. Piece of what?

• 42:03Speaker 08

  The very bold is celebrate the courage with the donut next up Batman.

• 42:06Travis McElroy?

  I, I love, if we could scroll back up there, Count Donut, that it's clearly Superman flying through the clouds. But from the perspective, it could also just be seen as Superman bursting out of the middle of a donut. To be like, I live in here.

• 42:20Speaker 08

  I live in this donut. Uh, the Batman donut is this one, this, can you describe the Superman?

• 42:27Griffin McElroy?

  The Superman donut is, it looks like a big, full, blue donut with, uh, with light blue icing and there's like a little cartoon Superman.

• 42:35Travis McElroy?

  What I love there too, is they've reimagined the Superman character to be that when he flies, he leaves a cloud of sprinkle dust behind him, like he was Tinker Bell.

• 42:47Griffin McElroy?

  That's James Gunn's whole shit.

• 42:48Speaker 08

  Wonder Woman, the donut. Inspired by the power and grace of a true hero, the Wonder Woman donut begins with our classic original glazed donut dipped in red raspberry flavored icing. It's topped with blue sprinkles and bright white star shapes capturing the essence of strength and courage in the medium of sprinkle. Finished with a Wonder Woman piece and belt. This donut is a tribute to fearless leaders and everyday champions alike. A balance of flavor and flair that's ready to save your snack time.

• 43:24Griffin McElroy?

  There's a, there's gotta be a middle ground for marketing writing between nothing and

• 43:30Speaker 08

  these sprinkles communicate courage.

• 43:33Griffin McElroy?

  The sprinkles have courage.

• 43:35Speaker 08

  Lastly.

• 43:35Travis McElroy?

  Do you think when they were writing that description, originally it said white stars? And they're like, mm, we're worried people think we put actual celestial bodies. We better clarify that they're just star shades.

• 43:48Speaker 08

  Not actual stars.

• 43:50Griffin McElroy?

  The arrangement of the donut is also wild because half of it does have the blue and white stars uh to resemble Wonder Woman's pants. And the top is just red icing with a little Wonder Woman piece uh on it. So it's like they've given the donut a shirt and pants. There, there is no, there's not a lot of great bites you're gonna get out of this thing. It's gonna be either a whole bunch of sprinkles.

• 44:16Travis McElroy?

  There's a few bites that are gonna be about taking off that Wonder Woman piece. And a few bites are gonna be about knocking off sprinkles.

• 44:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Also, if I'm watching you eat the Wonder Woman donut and you eat the pants first, I'm gonna be like, you.

• 44:27Travis McElroy?

  He's a nasty dog. Okay. I also, we never get follow-ups on these Count Donut of like, this is what ideally they look like it when a donut artist has sat down and spent 25 minutes to make it look like this. I wanna see what they look like.

• 44:43Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think they are.

• 44:44Speaker 08

  Lastly, the Batman donut. Step into the night with the Batman donut.

• 44:51Speaker 08

  A fearless, unglazed shell. What? It says, a fearless, unglazed shell. I am not the fault of my lack of glaze. I've made twists with it.

• 45:01Travis McElroy?

  These other unglazed shells, they're cowards.

• 45:04Speaker 08

  They're cowards in their lack of glaze, filled with cookies and cream filling, cloaked in bold, black chocolate icing. And slashed with bright yellow signal streak, topped with a heroic symbol. It's the ultimate treat for those who rise to any challenge.

• 45:24Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. I, I want, I've been looking for a donut for people who rise to any challenge for decades now.

• 45:32Speaker 08

  We can't.

• 45:33Travis McElroy?

  I'm actually a little disappointed that they didn't go further with this description and talk about how like the cookies and cream represents the balance of dark and light within Batman and Bruce Wayne's soul as he struggles to exist in the world of darkness, but not become darkness himself. We can't promise you'll reach Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman level by bringing a dozen donuts to the office or your next get together, but you will be a hero, says Dave Skinner, chief growth officer at Krispy Kreme.

• 46:04Speaker 08

  Now, I want to mention one thing before we leave this topic. Are you looking at the?

• 46:11Travis McElroy?

  Uh huh.

• 46:12Speaker 08

  Okay. All right, you'll see this.

• 46:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it looks like the bat signal shining up.

• 46:16Speaker 08

  It looks like the bat signal shining, but if you can just look.

• 46:20Griffin McElroy?

  In his back.

• 46:21Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, he's got, it's got a little cream nub in there.

• 46:24Griffin McElroy?

  He's got a little.

• 46:25Speaker 08

  This is what I want to ask you, boys. Do you think? You have a perfect donut. It looks so beautiful. We love it. The cream and the frosting and everything. And then at the upper, it's about, about one thirty, about one thirty P M. You run into these little, ah, sloppy blob.

• 46:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they left a sloppy blob on their product shot.

• 46:49Speaker 08

  Sloppy blob. And if you look at Superman.

• 46:52Griffin McElroy?

  Superman has it too.

• 46:53Speaker 08

  His hands in their eyes. It's a tiny sloppy blob. And I'm wondering, boys, you're experts in marketing. I hear you do advertisements and commercials.

• 47:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:03Speaker 08

  Do you think the, uh, they had to show the sloppy blob?

• 47:07Griffin McElroy?

  The sloppy blob suggests that when you bite into this Batman donut, there will be, there will be such a, uh, a deluge of cream. Uh, it's gonna be, there's so much, we're giving you so much. We're gonna give you so much cream spelled with a capital K is real and off-putting. Um, you're gonna fucking freak out.

• 47:28Speaker 08

  What they communicate with the sloppy blob is that they have so much cream that they're willing to part with. That even overages cream, more cream than even the donut shell is prepared to intake.

• 47:38Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, Jeremy went wild with this one, you guys. He has so much cream in there. Do you think that they missed an opportunity to have just a plain unglazed shell? With nothing decorating it and call it like the Lex Luthor donut?

• 47:54Griffin McElroy?

  Hmm. Eat his bald head. Is that what you're suggesting?

• 47:57Travis McElroy?

  Bald head and two, that's gonna be the donut that everyone's like, why did you get, that's evil? That you've just gotten empty, unglazed shell?

• 48:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:07Travis McElroy?

  What's wrong with you? That's a Lex Luthor donut.

• 48:10Speaker 08

  I would like to ask a question to you two boys. If these, if you could have a different superhero themed donut?

• 48:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:19Speaker 08

  Which one do you think would taste the best?

• 48:23Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, Kadat Man?

• 48:26Travis McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 48:26Griffin McElroy?

  Could be fun. Polka dot man can be fun.

• 48:30Travis McElroy?

  I would love a, a, like a Green Lantern one that has mint chocolate chip filling.

• 48:39Travis McElroy?

  Or Moon Knight.

• 48:41Griffin McElroy?

  Are you gonna do anything with this information, Count?

• 48:43Speaker 08

  Just curious.

• 48:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. That's fucking, that's fucking crazy, man.

• 48:47Speaker 08

  I'm more of a, I'm more of a literature guy, but I'm trying to take an interest in you two. I don't see why that's such a crime.

• 48:54Travis McElroy?

  You should check out like graphic novels and stuff. It's literature.

• 48:58Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 48:58Speaker 08

  You would enjoy. Like my novels extremely graphic. If the novel doesn't have at least four beheadings by the third chapter, then I quit reading it.

• 49:08Griffin McElroy?

  How many books?

• 49:10Speaker 08

  I like my novels.

• 49:11Griffin McElroy?

  How many books fit that description?

• 49:15Speaker 08

  Are you, are you using your own podcast as the platform to flaunt your own ignorance of literature? How an embarrassment for you.

• 49:26Griffin McElroy?

  That's just, that's, that's a huge beheadings to chapter ratio.

• 49:32Travis McElroy?

  I actually think the Adventure Zone graphic novel does fit that criteria.

• 49:36Speaker 08

  My, some authors have the strength of their convictions, Griffin, and they're willing to take ahead if it moves the story forward.

• 49:44Griffin McElroy?

  So what's, what superhero would you want to be a donor?

• 49:46Speaker 08

  I, I don't know.

• 49:48Travis McElroy?

  Probably Morbius, am I right?

• 49:50Speaker 08

  The Count of Monte Cristo. That's the only superhero I know of. Maybe Scarlet Pimpernel. Can I have a Scarlet Pimpernel? Is he, is he, is he a superhero for you?

• 50:01Griffin McElroy?

  Scarlet Pimpernel donor would be all right.

• 50:03Speaker 08

  I would like that.

• 50:04Travis McElroy?

  I don't know, it's too close to Pimple.

• 50:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:06Travis McElroy?

  To have a cream filled donut.

• 50:08Griffin McElroy?

  That's true.

• 50:09Travis McElroy?

  It's upsetting.

• 50:09Speaker 08

  I just wanted the Green Lantern for the lime of it.

• 50:14Griffin McElroy?

  You like those tropical tastes, Count? We're learning a lot about you this, this visit, pal.

• 50:19Speaker 08

  I had some free time. Normally I'm in such a rush.

• 50:24Speaker 08

  Sorry.

• 50:26Speaker 08

  As always, if you'd like to try a sample of them, there's the store, you can go to your local Kroger or Publix or Piggly Wiggly, and perhaps they will be in stock there.

• 50:42Griffin McElroy?

  That it actually, I'm looking at the website. It doesn't say Piggly Wiggly. It just kinda seems like you wanted to say that in that voice, Scout, don't it?

• 50:48Speaker 08

  Look who just lost access. Now I've closed the page.

• 50:51Travis McElroy?

  It was available the 11th through the 13th, and it's now the 17th. So I doubt you'll find him.

• 50:58Speaker 08

  Boys.

• 50:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 50:59Speaker 08

  This has been so great. I've loved spending time with you. Thank you so much. Thank you for accepting me the way I am. I love you.

• 51:07Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, it's always on your terms.

• 51:11Travis McElroy?

  Where did he?

• 51:11Travis McElroy?

  He flew away!

• 51:12Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, he flew. He, wow, I didn't know he could do that.

• 51:15Travis McElroy?

  He's a hero!

• 51:16Griffin McElroy?

  And he didn't turn into a bat, which is the usual way that you see.

• 51:19Travis McElroy?

  No, he's Superman.

• 51:20Travis McElroy?

  He rose his arms. Hey, guys, it's me. I was watching from across the table. He rose his arms.

• 51:25Griffin McElroy?

  He lifted his arms above his head.

• 51:27Travis McElroy?

  Like Superman.

• 51:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, that's cool. I didn't know he could do that.

• 51:30Travis McElroy?

  Speaking of flying to places, we're going to be coming to Atlanta for Taz versus Popeye.

• 51:38Travis McElroy?

  Holy crap. I, I love it. I love doing shows in Atlanta. It's always so much fun.

• 51:43Travis McElroy?

  We're gonna be Taz. Taz versus Popeye is gonna be great. And we're doing My Brother, My Brother and Me while we're there. And we're gonna be at Dragon Con. Also, coming up later in the year, we're gonna be in Texas, Utah, and California. All the Taz shows.

• 51:55Travis McElroy?

  We were just in California.

• 51:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, we're going fucking back, bro.

• 51:58Travis McElroy?

  Hell, yeah.

• 51:59Griffin McElroy?

  I left my wallet.

• 52:03Travis McElroy?

  All Taz shows this year will be Taz versus. Tickets for all show are on sale now. If you go to bit.ly/macroytours, you can get the info and ticket links there. Also, Dad is doing D and D in a castle on November 3rd through 7th. Check out all the information at bit.ly/macroytours.

• 52:19Griffin McElroy?

  We have some new merch up in the merch store. We've got a Why Not a Wizard pin and a Fuck Off King pin, both designed by Evan Cruz.

• 52:26Travis McElroy?

  Well, the second one was designed by Daredevil.

• 52:30Travis McElroy?

  Oh, I get it. Kingpin. Fuck off, Kingpin.

• 52:32Griffin McElroy?

  That's shit, man. Yeah. Cool, dude. You're so stoked. I love how happy you get about stuff sometimes, man. It's inspirational.

• 52:40Travis McElroy?

  I'm glad. We need that joy to buoy us. If I'm gonna be the sterling temple of my generation, I need to generate all the smiles I can, you know?

• 52:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center. Oh, also, we have a newsletter. You can sign up for it at bit.ly/macroynewsletter and be the first to know about new tour dates, projects, and more. And one more huge thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song, "My Life is Better With You." Check out Montane's new album, "It's Hard to Be a Fish." It really is terrific music. I keep coming back to it. And do we have a fear?

• 53:14Travis McElroy?

  We do. Oh, you mean for the show? Yeah.

• 53:18Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:18Travis McElroy?

  Justin, would you read it this time? Yeah, I'd be happy to, Trav. This year, I vow to be faster than my fear of being tweeted about by Tony Hawk for not recognizing him in public.

• 53:28Griffin McElroy?

  Haven't we done a Tony Hawk-related fear this year?

• 53:31Travis McElroy?

  Everybody's afraid of Tony Hawk. Everybody's afraid of Tony Hawk. My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

• 53:36Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin McElroy.

• 53:37Travis McElroy?

  My brother and me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.