#129 - Nick Turani and Big Cat

Barstool’s Nick Turani and Big Cat join the pod for a special road edition, graciously hosted at the Barstool offices in Chicago, to discuss the really important reason that Stav was late to do Pardon My Take the day before, Big Cat’s sprinting wipeout, Nick’s secret heritage, why Big Cat would never cheat, the most noble way a widower could honor his late wife’s memory, and much more. Big Cat, Nick, and Stav help callers including a man whose wife fell for a $25,000 scam, and a guy whose dad made his girlfriend uncomfortable with a fatphobic joke. Follow Nick Turani on social media: https://x.com/nickturani https://www.instagram.com/nickturani Follow Big Cat on social media: https://x.com/BarstoolBigCat https://www.instagram.com/barstoolbigcat https://www.tiktok.com/@_barstoolbigcat Check out The Yak and Pardon My Take: https://www.youtube.com/@BarstoolYak https://www.youtube.com/@PardonMyTakePodcast Get 20% off Chubbies with the code STAVVYSWORLD at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/ Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code STAVVY at https://mudwtr.com/STAVVY #mudwtrpod Visit https://www.thuma.co/ to get $100 off your first bed purchase. Get $5 off your next Magic Spoon order at https://magicspoon.com/stavvy Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:45Speaker 00

  or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTC or visit Nurtac.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. Start your morning with the $6.00 McRiddle's Extra Value Meal, featuring your choice of a sausage, egg, and cheese McRiddle's or bacon, egg, and cheese McRiddle's, plus crispy hash browns and a small premium roast coffee. Sweet, savory, crispy, and caffeinated, it's everything your morning ordered, all for just $6.00. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing at participating McDonald's.

• 1:25Stavros Halkias?

  Hoppa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavvy's World. 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We are in Barstool Chicago HQ. We got, you know, we got our boys Nick Turani, Big Cat, Danny Dick'em Down Cats. Oh, damn. Is in the building.

• 1:45Speaker 03

  Not me. You got the wrong guy.

• 1:48Speaker 04

  You were like the earliest on record for small dick.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, very small dick.

• 1:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 1:53Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:55Stavros Halkias?

  You're a big guy, dude.

• 1:56Speaker 04

  You'd be rude if that came out, that it was like average.

• 1:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I just remember being his kid being like, "It's gonna get bigger, right?"

• 2:03Speaker 04

  Right.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  It just didn't.

• 2:04Stavros Halkias?

  It never, it never hits the spurt.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was like, I was like the sixth grader who was, yeah, like six feet tall and then ended up six feet tall.

• 2:11Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Fuck.

• 2:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you, bro, except five-seven.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, is that better, though? Because people don't expect you to have a big dick.

• 2:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, true, true, true. Yes, height-wise, yes, yes. No, dick, the height-wise, better. I think societally, if you're gonna have a small dick, you might as well be six feet tall.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, being six feet tall is

• 2:32Stavros Halkias?

  In other arenas.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Way easier.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, but then the disappointment of when you show the small dick.

• 2:37Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. Is that why you've just been in one, like, relationship?

• 2:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, well, I have a wife. Yeah, that one relationship, that's a funny way to say it.

• 2:44Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you know, since I've known you, basically. Like, I remember when we first met years ago, Barst, you know, you guys were just like this, it's like a blog full of like, you know,

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Idiots.

• 2:53Stavros Halkias?

  Sex predators or whatever, you know what I mean?

• 2:55Speaker 03

  Nothing has changed, by the way. We just hired new ones. Have you met Nicky Smokes?

• 3:00Speaker 04

  The way they do it is different.

• 3:02Stavros Halkias?

  It was like a blog of morons who gamble, got multi, got like forty million dollars to move into like a building in Manhattan. Because I like knew your guys' stuff and it was fun, you know?

• 3:10Speaker 03

  You went to the original office.

• 3:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I remember like, you know, and you guys would do like, "The biggest tits of FSU."

• 3:18Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:18Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:19Stavros Halkias?

  And then I was like, "This is pretty fun." I like, I'll read something, they'll say, they'll say something problematic on their dumb blog. They'll, you'll see some tits. And then like, you're hitting me up, you're like, "Come to the office." And you just have like Manhattan in the middle of the fucking business district.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:35Stavros Halkias?

  It's like your company.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  Someone gave us a lot of money.

• 3:38Stavros Halkias?

  And then you became the only like, media company that makes any money somehow? That was hysterical.

• 3:43Speaker 04

  That doesn't make any sense.

• 3:45Speaker 03

  No, it doesn't make any sense because it is true, like, there's been countless like, blogs that have gone under.

• 3:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Layoffs from ESPN. It's like, "Those guys are still doing it?"

• 3:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And so when I met you, I was like, "Oh, this is like some piece of shit who just moved from, you know, where, I guess you moved from Chicago

• 4:00Speaker 03

  Chicago to New York.

• 4:01Stavros Halkias?

  To New York. And I just figured you were all, you guys were like dirtbags. Who were like, you know, using this, at the time, what I assumed was temporary clout to get as much pussy as possible.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:11Stavros Halkias?

  And then you're like, no, I'm like engaged to like, like a woman who's got a real job.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

• 4:18Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, what's going on here?

• 4:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, why are you doing this?

• 4:21Speaker 03

  It's very, I was telling you this last night, Stav, like the, the, coming home, now with three kids, coming home with the problems of Barstool.

• 4:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:30Speaker 03

  Is like, my wife would be like, you know, running around with three kids, has a real job, and she'd be like, how was your day? And like, I fucking choked at mini golf again.

• 4:37Stavros Halkias?

  I choked at mini golf?

• 4:38Speaker 03

  I'm depressed, like, I don't want to talk to anyone.

• 4:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I love.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  I don't want to play with the kids right now because the mini golf game has fucked me up.

• 4:44Stavros Halkias?

  I played too much with my adult male friends. I'm all tuckered out from, I was in a ball pit with another 41-year-old. That's why I can't be in one with my child.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  I'll come home and bitch about a case race, like, stressed.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  The best was during COVID when, like, the world was shut down and everyone was high-stress and like, we had a kid.

• 5:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  And all this shit was going on and it was, I was doing Doug's, the video game.

• 5:07Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  I was playing NCAA 2014 and like, game days in my house was like.

• 5:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's tense.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  Like, she would like, legit had to be like a real coach's wife. Where I was like, don't talk to me, like, I'm prepping, I'm prepping for Baylor this afternoon.

• 5:23Stavros Halkias?

  I've got my finest offensive minds drawing up plays. Yeah, I can't go over shapes and colors with our son. I have to fucking think about this outroute.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's so awesome, dude.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  But yeah, Nick, the best part about Barstool is we've been able to hire very talented people, Nick being the most talented we have.

• 5:39Stavros Halkias?

  The most, no.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  The most.

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  What else can you do? Can you dance?

• 5:43Speaker 04

  Dude, no, I can't dance, I can't sing. Uh, like, I'm like a, I'm like a, I'm like a 5.5, uh, but, no.

• 5:50Stavros Halkias?

  How about your, and now, would you guys say you have similar, have you ever seen your dicks in the same room?

• 5:53Speaker 03

  No. Oh, you've seen my dick?

• 5:56Speaker 04

  No, no, no, I, I, I, you've described it enough where I could probably police sketch artist it.

• 6:01Speaker 03

  We did a blind measurement on Yak.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  We did a composite of our show.

• 6:05Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:06Stavros Halkias?

  A composite dick?

• 6:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  6.2?

• 6:08Speaker 04

  See, now there's like the composite man and it just ends up being a Chinese dude.

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same thing.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a Chinese dick.

• 6:16Speaker 03

  The sketch artist is like, oh man, who did this? What was our, what, 6.2?

• 6:22Speaker 04

  6.23, but I think some people lied.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Well, so 6.23, and we had, so we did a, everyone on our system blindly did it, wrote it down, put it in a bucket so no one could figure it out, but then we, like I was trying to get everyone to say what it was.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  Somebody stole the bucket.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I just said right away, I was like, I'm five and a half, like, how are we at 6.23?

• 6:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, who's throwing off the average?

• 6:44Stavros Halkias?

  Well, Titus is on there, he's probably got a hog.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  Titus and Za.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  The biggest, yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  Za for sure has got a hog.

• 6:50Speaker 04

  No, I cut like that top plane area of the groin, trying to push the ruler more.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, getting to the roots.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  You know, when you're like, that counts.

• 6:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, when you're like sixth grade and you take a plastic ruler from like, from science class.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Push as hard as you can.

• 7:06Stavros Halkias?

  You're stabbing your pubes, you're like, ah. Oh dude, you gotta do the push, you absolutely have to do the push. I love that though, so that, I guess I'm going, just understanding you as a man, big cat, the little cock, you had everything else, you kind of like, you were smart, I'm trying to prove something, getting pussy with a little dick, that maybe if I fuck enough, I wasn't a loser in high school and my dick will just be good, but you just admitted, dick's a loss, let's cut this, and let's get a nice wife, let's build a family, and let's become a captain of industry.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  And also, I mean, I've said this, this is a crass thing to say, but I'll say it.

• 7:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh god, no.

• 7:44Speaker 03

  Uh, like, I would never cheat on my wife because I come too fast. Like, I always do the calculation in my head and I'm like, it's like, like 45 seconds to ruin my entire life. Like, if I fuck like a porn star, I, you know, like, then it's totally different, but it's like, I, so I got the bad combo of both.

• 8:03Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  So as soon as I found a woman who's like, this is okay, you have other things that you're bringing to the table, I'm like, great, you're my wife.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's beautiful, I mean, that is smart, and you're, but you are a realist in that, you allow your, your brain to supersede, you know, the reality of your little dick is busting fast, because plenty of men have ruined their lives to nut quick.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Correct, and you can't have it all, this is my way of god being like, you don't Get it all.

• 8:27Speaker 04

  It was Patino. They wrote a real article about 15 seconds.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:31Stavros Halkias?

  That is awesome. Went on to coach the Greek national team. That was kind of, I think that was big for us.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:36Stavros Halkias?

  In the, in the like interview process to be the Greek national team, like, have you ever embarrassingly cheated on your wife? In a restaurant?

• 8:44Speaker 04

  That's a must. That's a must. They have to check.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  He checked it off. Yeah. They're like, okay, you're hired.

• 8:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's awesome to have how fast you know to be in a deposition. That's like in the, that's probably in the library of Congress somewhere.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  It is.

• 8:56Stavros Halkias?

  We should write a play about Rick Patino nutting quick. So that way it goes into like the. Yeah. And get it to be a good enough work of fiction that they put it in the library of Congress and it's forever there. Then he nuts fast.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Oh, he's just a sensual guy.

• 9:14Speaker 04

  Do you think you're as successful with a big dick?

• 9:17Stavros Halkias?

  There's no way.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  No, definitely not. Definitely not. Cause then I would have different energy and I would just be like, because like, you know, I have confidence, but at the end of the day, there's still that.

• 9:27Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. You know? Yeah, at the end of the day, you're like the head of a multimillion dollar office. Like, it's hilarious. Like, they just didn't have the right equipment here and you just come in, you're like, uh, let's go fellas, mics, let's go. And like three guys who, you know, didn't graduate college.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Dumbest people.

• 9:44Stavros Halkias?

  Really, yeah.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  You don't understand how dumb the two people that were fixing the.

• 9:48Stavros Halkias?

  No, I get, I can feel it. And it's interesting to know that I'm like, there's no company that's like, what me, what we do here at Stavi Baby Enterprises, you couldn't scale it up. You actually have done it.

• 9:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, we have.

• 10:00Stavros Halkias?

  You hire your idiot friends who don't know the job.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 10:03Stavros Halkias?

  And you've just built a business out of it. And I'm like, oh, maybe we could, Elders, maybe we could scale someday.

• 10:08Speaker 05

  I think we could, man.

• 10:09Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe you're.

• 10:09Speaker 05

  I'm ready, I'm ready to move square into middle management role, walking around the office of the coffee cup.

• 10:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you would be the best middle manager.

• 10:18Speaker 05

  Just patrolling people.

• 10:19Stavros Halkias?

  Getting shit off your desk, never accomplishing anything.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 05

  Just kind of shifting.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  That's, that's the name of the game here. We have, I mean, Hank, who I've, is probably like the closest person, I've known him since he's 19 years old. Is the producer of the number one sports podcast and he, we found his old resume once. He lied. On it up and down. Had like 15 different misspellings. He went to college for a month.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, respect, yeah.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  And he's a big fucking.

• 10:47Speaker 04

  I do.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Like if he went to ESPN, they'd try to pick his brain and be like, how'd you do it?

• 10:51Stavros Halkias?

  They're trying to poach Hank, a fucking community college dropout.

• 10:55Speaker 04

  Send him off just to try to get poached.

• 10:57Speaker 03

  It's crazy. And then, I mean, Nick, Nick got here because, I mean, he basically lived the plot of Parasite.

• 11:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 11:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:04Stavros Halkias?

  You were sneaking in a guy's house?

• 11:06Speaker 03

  KB parasited us.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, me and him were from the same little neighborhood.

• 11:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you guys, I did your show. Yeah. It was very funny, but you are from like, just the, I mean, it sounded horrific.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  It's, yeah, yeah, it was bad.

• 11:17Stavros Halkias?

  Where was it?

• 11:18Speaker 04

  Wheeling, West Virginia.

• 11:19Stavros Halkias?

  Wheeling, yes.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  I'm from Bethlehem, West Virginia, outside of Wheeling, but yeah.

• 11:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Not great.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  And we hired KB and then KB was like, I got this other guy. And then they also got another guy, Maresh, like they just, they just bring their friends.

• 11:31Stavros Halkias?

  Maresh?

• 11:31Speaker 03

  All right.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's not from Wheeling.

• 11:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I was gonna say, there's no way.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  No chance Maresh is from.

• 11:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful, though.

• 11:39Speaker 04

  Your hiring process is to hire the strangest looking humans and then have them like manning tech.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 04

  Rather than being in front of a camera.

• 11:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's smart, though. You get the fucked up looking guys behind the camera, near, near like some football player, they would like kill themselves to shake their hands.

• 11:56Speaker 04

  That's how it works.

• 11:57Stavros Halkias?

  It is funny to just see the guys in the background like shaking like they're girls meeting like, you know, Justin Bieber in his prime. It's like just some D lineman, like the fattest guy with the worst hair you've ever seen in your life. It's like, like crying.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  Like, how did you get a job here? It's like, well, I'm 200 pounds overweight and Dave saw a video of me.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he saw me doing, I was doing this TikTok series where I chug a bottle of Pepto Bismol once a, every day for a month to see if it could stop my diarrhea. It didn't, by the way. Uh, and they just saw that at Barstool. They thought I'd be a natural fit.

• 12:31Speaker 04

  That's the next Barstool superstar.

• 12:33Speaker 03

  Beautiful. It really is. We're, we are, and it's, it's the beauty of Barstool is like they're, Nick, I don't count Nick in this because Nick's very funny and talented, but we do have 20, 30 people that like, if they didn't work at Barstool, I think they'd be homeless. I don't know what they would do.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  Is that pressure on you?

• 12:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, big time pressure. Big time pressure.

• 12:56Speaker 04

  I love that, dude. That is beautiful.

• 12:59Stavros Halkias?

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• 13:44Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, November, what a month. The whole, everything you've been doing all year comes to roost. You're coming right into the holidays, it's getting cold. Why not have a little questionable, little treat in between lunch and dinner? Why not overstuff the calendar with fun, with family obligations, holiday parties? So much chaos going on. That's where AG1 earns its spot. Not when life is easy and you got time for a whole routine. Right now, when everything is full and something has to give. One scoop covers what a full stack of separate supplements would. 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, adaptogens, pre and the probiotics, superfoods.

• 14:27Stavros Halkias?

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• 15:09Stavros Halkias?

  Wheeling and just by having the name Tirani, were you just the most ethnic guy there?

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, dude, I was black.

• 15:18Stavros Halkias?

  You guys were considered a minority?

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Definitely.

• 15:21Stavros Halkias?

  Are you Italian? What's going on? I mean, the name is Italian, but you just-

• 15:23Speaker 04

  Albanian.

• 15:24Stavros Halkias?

  No!

• 15:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:25Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, you're not Italian?

• 15:26Speaker 04

  We have an Albanian?

• 15:27Stavros Halkias?

  Are you serious?

• 15:28Speaker 04

  I insulted.

• 15:29Stavros Halkias?

  You snuck a fucking Albanian on my show?

• 15:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, dude, I insulted.

• 15:32Speaker 05

  I'm not Italian, brother.

• 15:35Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck?

• 15:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, man, I'm so sorry.

• 15:37Stavros Halkias?

  You motherfucker, dude.

• 15:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, we have our, we have our disagreement.

• 15:39Stavros Halkias?

  I cannot believe-

• 15:40Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I'm fucking outnumbered by Albanians on my own show?

• 15:45Speaker 05

  Say it loud and proud, Nick.

• 15:46Speaker 04

  There we go, Albanian, dude.

• 15:48Stavros Halkias?

  This is a devastating reveal.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  My grandma, every girlfriend I ever had from high school, her first question was, are they Greek? Wouldn't allow it.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  That's awesome.

• 15:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's rich. Yeah, try and make it go the other way. Nice try.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  Is this like historical beef? I don't, I'm not familiar with this.

• 16:03Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, dude, that's so beautiful. This is great, because we actually do like to ask, do you know any Albanians on the show? So, that'll be good to get your perspective too. But yes, it's intra-European, like Balkan inter-racism. Where Greeks consider themselves the top of the food chain.

• 16:20Speaker 04

  But they're all exactly the same.

• 16:21Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Why are Greeks the top of the food chain? They were the first to pedophilia?

• 16:25Speaker 04

  They, yeah.

• 16:27Stavros Halkias?

  We perfected it. We moved on, we got it out of our system, alright?

• 16:33Speaker 03

  It was just a 300-year phase.

• 16:36Stavros Halkias?

  It was just a little phase. You fucking sit all day philosophizing, you're gonna need to blow off some steam somehow. They didn't have Playstation back then. They didn't have, they didn't have stuff.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  It's the next best thing.

• 16:47Stavros Halkias?

  They were getting, they were, you know, they tried some kooky stuff, did it for 300, 400 years, and then they stopped. But, I don't know, I just think the, you know, we just, just the region, we have the best, we have the best tourism, we have, like, our economy is the strongest. Like, here's how bad Albanian's economy is. Greece, in the middle of it, like, generationally the worst economy yet. Like, people who are between the ages of like, like 45 and 25, just don't get to work. Like, they work like, like, my cousin was- Unemployed for a decade, you know what I mean?

• 17:22Speaker 04

  Was he like enjoying himself?

• 17:23Stavros Halkias?

  Sneak into that country to work.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 17:26Stavros Halkias?

  Sneak into that country because there's more opportunity there. He was enjoying himself.

• 17:31Speaker 04

  There we go.

• 17:32Stavros Halkias?

  He was getting pussy. He was just like working at bars. He was like a grown man working at like tourist like uh scumbag behavior. He's working at the equivalent of like the Jersey Shore.

• 17:41Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 17:42Stavros Halkias?

  Like the shitty like.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  He's Margaritaville?

• 17:44Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, he's he was like a metal. He was like at a metal bar at like an island for like, you know, 20 year old Australians.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 17:51Stavros Halkias?

  And he was just living in a tent.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  Slaying.

• 17:53Stavros Halkias?

  And just couldn't speak English and just like somehow getting women back to his tent. And just, you know, he would leave to work for the summer and he would have to call his father for, he didn't have money to buy a ticket back to Athens. Like that's it. Not only did he not save money.

• 18:10Speaker 04

  He worked all summer.

• 18:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Not only did he not save money, he would have to call his retired father.

• 18:14Speaker 04

  He's in the red after working all summer.

• 18:16Stavros Halkias?

  And he would take like a boat ride. Dude, he would take like, there's a, there's like an easy jet that's like, you know, fast jet that you could get from the island to Athens in like, you know, four hours, right? A little expensive. This fucking guy would take like, like a cargo ship. It would take him 24 hours.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  A stowaway?

• 18:33Stavros Halkias?

  He would literally, he would get the cheapest ticket ever. It was, it was a beautiful life, but uh, we have to return to this. I didn't know we had a crypto Albanian on the podcast.

• 18:42Speaker 03

  Albania's flag though is badass.

• 18:43Speaker 04

  It's a cool two-headed.

• 18:45Stavros Halkias?

  Even I give them that. It is awesome.

• 18:47Speaker 04

  It's a good flag.

• 18:48Stavros Halkias?

  The double eagle's good. Red and black. It does look sinister.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:51Stavros Halkias?

  It's red and black double eagle like that. It does look sinister.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, you could compare it to other things.

• 18:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's, yeah, exactly. You're not getting in the EU with that.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  That's tough.

• 19:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You're gonna have to change that if you want to get in the EU, but it is. I'll tell you this, on like Bronx mafia guys.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  Right.

• 19:08Stavros Halkias?

  It looks cool tattooed on their forearm.

• 19:10Speaker 03

  Right.

• 19:10Speaker 04

  That's on the back of Eliza Dushku.

• 19:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Oh, really?

• 19:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:13Stavros Halkias?

  She has that? She has a double eagle tramp stamp?

• 19:15Speaker 04

  On the back of her neck, I think. I think Dushku's got it, dude.

• 19:18Stavros Halkias?

  Dushku is Albanian. That is a problem. I have run up against that.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:21Stavros Halkias?

  In these types of.

• 19:22Speaker 04

  A moral quandary, yeah.

• 19:23Stavros Halkias?

  In these types of discussions.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Who's the most famous Albanian besides Dushku?

• 19:26Speaker 04

  Nadoo.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Nadoo, Jeff Nadoo, yeah. He's a guy who's worked for Barstool multiple different times.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  Dude, he's like, looking at him's like, looking at like those magic eyes, like you can't comprehend what you're seeing.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:39Stavros Halkias?

  His name is Jeff Nadeau.

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:41Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 19:42Speaker 05

  So wait, I'm about to drop my resume off here. You guys got a lot of help, baby.

• 19:45Stavros Halkias?

  I don't like that, by the way, Elvis got here like an hour early, he's networking, he's never been prepared for anything in his life. But he comes here where they know they hire retards. And he's like, I could fucking be, I could be VP here.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Elvis, my only question is, can you, can you keep that sling on for the rest of your life?

• 20:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  Cause then you're hired. We just got a one-armed guy.

• 20:05Speaker 04

  You got what it takes, man.

• 20:06Stavros Halkias?

  My one-armed tour manager who has a problem being on time.

• 20:10Speaker 04

  He's perfect.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  I mean, he said when we started, he's like, I've never not recorded the video.

• 20:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  I'm like, but this is a podcast, Elvis.

• 20:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck. So did your family come from Albania to West Virginia?

• 20:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:23Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 20:24Speaker 04

  It's like a lateral move.

• 20:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  You find the Albania of America?

• 20:31Speaker 03

  Wanna be comfortable?

• 20:33Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, so what, what years are this? So your grandparents come in like the, what, I guess seventies, sixties?

• 20:37Speaker 04

  It'll probably be the, yeah, probably the sixties.

• 20:39Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, I didn't even know Albanians were doing that kinda immigration at the time.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  Must've been some sort of escape, but my grandma like hyped up my grandfather, she was like, we were very successful there. We were very, very popular. And then I did the ancestry and I found out he was a pot boy. Which means he would just scrub pots, which I think is probably the highest level job you can have.

• 20:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And those pots were what, like for shitting probably?

• 21:02Speaker 04

  Probably shit pots.

• 21:03Stavros Halkias?

  They didn't have, they didn't have, fucking, they definitely did not, listen, Albania in the sixties, no indoor plumbing, no chance. So they must've fled communism, I guess.

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Maybe so.

• 21:12Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 21:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:13Stavros Halkias?

  You had a couple capitalist Albanians coming to West Virginia?

• 21:16Speaker 04

  I haven't picked their brain about it because I've never really, I'm not proud of any, I don't know.

• 21:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:21Speaker 04

  Not a thing I.

• 21:22Stavros Halkias?

  This is what America does, it does, it just kinda flattens like your ethnic identity.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:27Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, in your case, that's a good thing. You want, you want to be baptized and just become just a regular white guy.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  That's all I wanted.

• 21:34Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Cause Albania, you wanna shake Albania off if you're possible. But it is fascinating, cause it's like, that is so, that is the one, like coming from Albania in the sixties, West Virginia probably felt like paradise.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  Oh my god, we're living the dream in Wheeling, West Virginia.

• 21:50Stavros Halkias?

  What did they do in Wheeling? Like what was their, what was their business in Wheeling?

• 21:53Speaker 04

  They had a general store in their house.

• 21:54Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. Dude, what the fuck, is this the Wild West? They're selling like rope and sard- canned sardines. My dad lived in the upstairs and my grandma and grandpa ran a general store. General store. Yeah.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  That's awesome.

• 22:08Stavros Halkias?

  A modern town? No, not a modern. We have bundles of hay for your horse.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  Where else are you gonna get Tylenol and fishing gear?

• 22:15Stavros Halkias?

  That's the only place you can get it.

• 22:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome dude, holy shit.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Is Albania landlocked?

• 22:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, they have some coastline.

• 22:23Speaker 03

  They do?

• 22:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, it's kind of between like Greece.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  Can you show me all this?

• 22:27Speaker 05

  Beautiful coastline set against the mountains, I'll show you.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  I know nothing about this part of Europe.

• 22:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I, yeah, this is so fun.

• 22:34Speaker 05

  Let's look up the Albanian Riviera.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  Oh, that's nice.

• 22:37Stavros Halkias?

  Big Cat, you could own that whole thing. That's so sick. You could make a bid right now.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  Jared Kushner's trying to develop some shit over there.

• 22:44Stavros Halkias?

  There we go, that's perfect.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  They got a lot of coast.

• 22:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they're just gonna...

• 22:48Speaker 03

  Oh, look at them.

• 22:49Stavros Halkias?

  This is the plan B, if they don't get Gaza, they're like, we're going to Albania.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:53Stavros Halkias?

  We'll figure it out.

• 22:54Speaker 03

  Hell yeah.

• 22:54Stavros Halkias?

  Somewhere equally as war torn. Let's get it, yeah.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  He also has, by the way, I know you were mentioning your trainer on the bus.

• 23:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 23:06Speaker 03

  Similar to Nick's straight dad.

• 23:07Stavros Halkias?

  You have a straight dad.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  He's a straight dad.

• 23:09Stavros Halkias?

  Straight Albanian dad. As an arrow.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  He's very straight. He does do a lot of work in San Francisco, but he's straight.

• 23:16Stavros Halkias?

  Like, what is your dad, does he have any defining character? Cause we have a friend, our buddy Straight George.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:20Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, who, everyone thinks he's gay, he's just a gentle, nice man with a, kind of a larger mouth. I think that's part of it, cause gay guys have like a, they have a twinkle in their eyes, true, like, they really do. They seem happier, they have like a specific twinkle, they have beautiful eyes, and some of them will have like a, RG3 has kind of gay mouth. You know, where it's like big and wet? Yeah. You know what I mean, like? Do you think moist? Yeah, it's a little moist. Is there a correlation to how wet the mouth is? I think, cause it, cause it's, you're, cause it kind of looks naturally like you're wearing lip gloss. Okay. So it's sort of, it doesn't, right? You're just a guy who happens to have a moist mouth, but your brain, because of western beauty standards, finds that to be reminiscent of like a woman's, a nice woman's lips. A natural lubricating. Which we think of as being gay.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  DSLs, I have DSLs.

• 24:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, you do, but you hide them. You could, you hide them with that mustache.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you don't lead with the, with the plumpers.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  I would be fine in prison.

• 24:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  With these DSLs?

• 24:15Stavros Halkias?

  So you would just go straight to sucking dick?

• 24:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:19Stavros Halkias?

  You don't think you'd try?

• 24:20Speaker 04

  Day one, you find the biggest guy.

• 24:22Stavros Halkias?

  Find the biggest guy, you fucking sit him down, you fucking take him. You take him tip to nuts. And you show everybody who's balls, or who's boss, damn.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought that was on purpose.

• 24:33Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  The, uh, I, I just had like, memory hold this, but I remember when you first did come to the Barstool office, we were actually talking about potentially putting like, Come Town on Sirius.

• 24:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  And, and, and I was like, I remember having the conversation with Dave, I was like, these guys are so fucking funny, but do you know what they say?

• 24:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  I don't know if Sirius would-

• 24:58Stavros Halkias?

  It wouldn't have even been that, I mean, Sirius, you could say, you could pretty much say whatever you wanted, but-

• 25:03Speaker 03

  You said other stuff.

• 25:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we did, no, we, no, we took it, we took it too far, but there was no way we were doing-

• 25:09Speaker 03

  No.

• 25:09Stavros Halkias?

  If there, if you put any more work on Come Town, it would have collapsed on itself. Like, we couldn't get, we, we did, we had a highly successful podcast for years, and we did not have like, a recording schedule, like, until three years in. We, it would just be like, fuck, we haven't put out of, like, an episode in a while, like, should, like, we're getting close to, it's been almost a week, should we go to NIX and record an episode? And they would be like, no, I'm playing Playstation, you have to come here at like, midnight, or, you know what I mean? Like, it would be, it would be so stupid.

• 25:38Speaker 04

  Did you ever have like, a brainstorming sesh?

• 25:40Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 25:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:41Stavros Halkias?

  No, there was-

• 25:44Stavros Halkias?

  Actually, early on, we kinda like, we had like, we sort of had like sketches, and that, that lasted like, two, and ironically, as soon as we started like, making money, and we were just like, we didn't give a fuck anymore, like, it was like, I think we'd given up on it being successful, it was, it was kind of annoying work, and then it started being, and then it started picking up, and we're like, well, I guess we have to keep doing this.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, right.

• 26:06Stavros Halkias?

  But we're not gonna work hard at it, you know what I mean? So, uh, but yeah, I know, that was very funny, that that was basically a recruiting visit to Barstool, and I was, I was like, this is fun.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  You came in your tracksuit, yeah, we watched some ball.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  We had a good time, but I was like, there's no way we're doing anything else.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:21Stavros Halkias?

  We can barely do two episodes.

• 26:23Speaker 03

  It would have been, you had to do a daily radio show.

• 26:24Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, dude, there was no way, there was no fucking way, that's hysterical.

• 26:28Speaker 03

  It would have lasted a week.

• 26:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I still, so I'm gonna get back to your straight dad, though, cause like, what other kinda straight stuff is he up to? Does he have a-

• 26:35Speaker 04

  Wife.

• 26:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, procreated twice. Uh, he, he- He moved to San Francisco for four years without my mom.

• 26:47Speaker 04

  When I was in college.

• 26:48Stavros Halkias?

  What was he doing?

• 26:49Speaker 04

  Working.

• 26:50Stavros Halkias?

  What was his job?

• 26:51Speaker 04

  Never told me.

• 26:52Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, come on, you don't know what your dad's job is, for real?

• 26:54Speaker 04

  It's pretty unclear.

• 26:56Stavros Halkias?

  Like, to this day, you couldn't guess?

• 26:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, dude, I've learned now, I've never talked to like my grandma about my heritage, I've never talked to my dad.

• 27:04Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  Damn, I'm...

• 27:05Stavros Halkias?

  You guys just...

• 27:06Speaker 03

  You kind of exist kind of in a bubble.

• 27:08Speaker 04

  I think it's just we just look forward, yeah.

• 27:11Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta look back, you gotta look back a little bit.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, what if I find something I don't want to find out?

• 27:14Stavros Halkias?

  You will, you absolutely will.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, man.

• 27:17Stavros Halkias?

  For example, yeah, like, don't contact your, you know, your dad's landlord in San Francisco.

• 27:21Speaker 04

  No.

• 27:22Stavros Halkias?

  Don't ask him who was in and out of that place, don't ask for the hallway cam in front of your dad's door, you're not gonna like what you see. But it is fascinating that he just moved, he said, come on, you don't, what does he do, like, consult, like, nothing?

• 27:36Speaker 04

  He, uh, he's the director of a law firm, but he's not an attorney.

• 27:39Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  That's, I feel like though that's a very like, most people just don't really know what their...

• 27:45Speaker 04

  Up to their dad.

• 27:46Stavros Halkias?

  Dude should know what their dad's doing. My dad, well, see, that's the thing, if your dad is a, like, my dad was a carpenter, he had the kind of job that a baby understands, you know what I mean? So, like, that was fun, I'd always be like, dad's a carpenter, he has a wood shop, I mean, he was up to some actually straight activities, like, I'm pretty sure he was just cheating out of his wood shop.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 28:03Stavros Halkias?

  Which is like, imagine the type of woman that comes by and gives up pussy on a futon in an office attached to a wood shop.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  A table saw?

• 28:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're literally having, you're sawdusting your fucking pussy, like, it's disgusting. Like, one time I had a, I had my tire, I had a flat tire that happened to be like right outside my dad's wood shop, so I was like, perfect. I pushed my, like, I was right outside, so I just pushed my car to it, and I knock on the door, and my dad like, won't open the main door, and opens the like garage, you know how like the garage door kind of goes up? And he just kind of opens it like to chest height and like peeks under, he's like, hey, what's up, man? Like, it's his son in distress, right? In theory, this is like the, one of the only times we're ever gonna actually bond, it's like, you know what, dad? We don't see eye to eye, but you really helped me out, we changed a tire together, like, it's like... That feels like classic, like, man bonding type shit.

• 28:56Stavros Halkias?

  And he's clearly stalling me. You know what I mean? He's clearly stalling for a second. And then eventually, he's like, he comes out and gets me. And I don't think there was a woman there or anything, but he was. My hunch is he was setting, there was like the most pathetic, like, boxed wine and like cheese plate in the mini fridge. And I'm like, is this guy about to get his dick sucked? And he smelled like shit, by the way. Like, he never, like, there's no shower in his wood shop. So I'm like, how, who were these women that were debasing themselves?

• 29:25Speaker 04

  What was he making?

• 29:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, uh, he, you know, just like, whatever, like, cat, custom ca-. He's an incredible carpenter, actually. Like, custom, like, custom cabinetry. He'd be, his shit's been like Architectural Digest. He was just like, he's fucking good as shit. Um, but, you know, my boy, my boy was definitely-

• 29:42Speaker 04

  So you're from the Mediterranean and you're the son of a carpenter?

• 29:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's right, dude. That's right, dude, exactly. Yep, yep. I might be the, I might be the Messiah, you're right. I was a really shitty carpenter.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  How pissed would people be?

• 29:54Speaker 04

  People would be really bad.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  You're Jesus Christ.

• 29:57Speaker 04

  Man.

• 29:58Speaker 03

  Fuck.

• 29:58Stavros Halkias?

  That would be awesome.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:00Stavros Halkias?

  All the shit you believe is fucking stupid. I said so.

• 30:06Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, if I could have his powers too, just zapping motherfuckers. Did he ever zap?

• 30:11Speaker 04

  I think he zapped a couple times. I think he teased Mary Magdalene. Like, you know, the wireless panties?

• 30:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he, he used his electricity powers to do a sibian. Mary Magdalene's on a sibian.

• 30:26Stavros Halkias?

  He sounded, there are parts of Jesus I hear that I'm like, that guy sounds cool. His friends are all fucking, you know, he's hanging out with whores.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:33Stavros Halkias?

  Respect. I love hoes too. I'm, they're, they are nice people. Like, they are some of the nicest people. He's hanging with, like, hoes, probably gay guys.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  He was a foot guy.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:42Stavros Halkias?

  If he's a foot guy, he'll wash your feet. Oh my, you're so right.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Let's watch those tootsies, dude.

• 30:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny that, absolutely. Just some insane guy who said he was the son of God.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:51Stavros Halkias?

  That had a foot fetish. Just played it just right. And now everyone thinks that's the biggest, the second biggest religion in the world.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  If he, if it was, yeah, if there were foot finder back then, he would have not done any of this stuff. He would have just been sitting in a basement.

• 31:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. He quit the woodworking. His, Joseph's like, alright, man, enough with the wooden sandals. Stop asking the ladies to try on your wooden sandals. They don't feel good.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  I, I actually sometimes wonder that, like, how much innovation would have been stunted if we had OnlyFans? Like how many, like, you think, you think like, you know, we're inventing the lightbulb?

• 31:24Stavros Halkias?

  It's an incredible brain drain that's going on. And if anything, all we can hope for is like, new ways to beat off.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Right.

• 31:32Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I really do think there will be some kind of meta jerk-off booth. You know, where it's like, I, what I'm picturing is sort of like, um, uh, one of those shit, like, the float chambers or whatever.

• 31:42Speaker 04

  Oh, yes.

• 31:43Stavros Halkias?

  A sensory deprivation tank. You put on a wetsuit, you put on a glasses, you get into the fucking, the, the tank.

• 31:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:50Stavros Halkias?

  And you could like, select anyone from like, you could just pick anyone from history. Like, you could do a movie and just be like, Catherine Zeta Jones from Zorro, and then she sucks your dick. Like, in your head, it's like you're Antonio Banderas, and it feels like you're Antonio Banderas. Cause you're not feeling your own body, that's important.

• 32:07Speaker 04

  That's.

• 32:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's really important.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  Right.

• 32:09Stavros Halkias?

  I can't feel my stomach hit my thighs.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:12Stavros Halkias?

  I have to be a sexy guy with a nice hog. You know what I mean?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  And then The Atlantic will write like, a, a long piece about why men don't respect women anymore.

• 32:20Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  We can't figure this out.

• 32:23Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  Is this Andrew Tate's fault? No, we're all getting sucked off in a sensory deprivation.

• 32:29Stavros Halkias?

  Our only technol, our only technol, like, China's washing us in everything.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:34Stavros Halkias?

  I feel like we're figuring out beating off, like, that's the one thing where we're, we're the little engine that could.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 32:38Stavros Halkias?

  Even though they have more, they have more like, uh, science and all this, all the, like, in terms of pure gooning hours spent, how much we love it, we are gonna beat China in that race, for sure.

• 32:49Speaker 03

  That's actually how we should win the war with China. Is just get them porn.

• 32:53Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Dude, I think we, we install escalators everywhere. Every Chinese video I see, they're getting swallowed up.

• 32:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, true. You think they can't handle escalators?

• 33:02Speaker 04

  They can't do it, dude. They can't do it, we just gotta drop them in parachutes.

• 33:05Stavros Halkias?

  We would fuck the escalators up, though.

• 33:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:07Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Ours would need like, repairs all the time.

• 33:10Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 33:10Stavros Halkias?

  You know, we're, I don't know.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  Did you guys see the dude, the WrestleMania was, uh, last night, I don't know when this is going out, uh, but

• 33:17Stavros Halkias?

  For not for like a while.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  The dude's trying to get out, that's my bad.

• 33:20Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're good, it doesn't matter.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  He was telling a Super Bowl story.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, that's fine, that's fine. We're about to talk about other topical shit.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  This dude was trying to go, like, I guess they were, it was like, hard to get out of the Stadium and there's these dudes trying to go up the escalator.

• 33:32Stavros Halkias?

  I did see that video.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  And this one dude, he's the saddest dude ever, just like, you know, all his wrestling paraphernalia and he just can't make it to the top.

• 33:40Stavros Halkias?

  He can't do it. He's running and he has shit in his pockets.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  The man in the green boots.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  He literally gave up. He's just like, I'm going back down. I can't do this.

• 33:48Stavros Halkias?

  No, it was really funny because his friends do it and it's just like running up and then he tries, he can't quite get it. He, he's carrying a bunch of stuff. He takes everything out of his pockets, bundles it up, throws it to his friend like he's, he's going on a lifeboat from the Titanic. And then he's like, all right, I'm gonna do it now. Still can't do it.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  Still can't do it.

• 34:05Stavros Halkias?

  Just way too fat. The most exercise he's probably done in so long.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  So Eldis doesn't pull up clips?

• 34:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, there's no, I mean, he's texting probably. You're clearly.

• 34:16Speaker 04

  It's just, it's the blinking cursor in Google. It's the blinking cursor. It's so ominous.

• 34:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, not at all. He didn't even consider, it says drive.

• 34:26Speaker 04

  What were we talking about? Drive?

• 34:27Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  The Ryan Gosling.

• 34:29Stavros Halkias?

  He's probably looking at Google Drive. Is that right Eldis?

• 34:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I thought he was gonna do like a little bit of like wrestling escalator, like just pretend like can't find it, didn't even flinch.

• 34:40Stavros Halkias?

  No, my friend, and that's exactly, exactly right. That's what we're dealing with here. It was nice, you got to show your incompetence, but I'm sure, look, at the end of the day, the mom and pop beats big business every day. You know what I mean? We're still a mom and pop shop. You guys have ironed out some of the kinks by necessity, not us. Eldis still has no instincts for live producing.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, there's nothing better than explaining something and being like, trust me, guys, it was funny.

• 35:05Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you know, it's not like half of the show is visual and it would aid in people watching it on YouTube or anything like that.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  God, it was funny.

• 35:12Stavros Halkias?

  It was good. Check it out, guys. Guys, check it out. You Google it. Eldis isn't going to, still has it. This, oh, now he's typing.

• 35:19Speaker 04

  Gonna pivot.

• 35:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, it's over now, Eldis.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  Wrestling escalator. All right, let's see.

• 35:23Stavros Halkias?

  Let's see if he pulls it up. Wrestling escalator, WrestleMania. Didn't immediately come up.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  You're looking tough.

• 35:30Stavros Halkias?

  Let's see how this, how are you gonna, I have an idea of how I would find it.

• 35:33Speaker 03

  I know exactly how.

• 35:34Stavros Halkias?

  But I'm not gonna tell you.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:36Stavros Halkias?

  Can you try it, buddy?

• 35:37Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  I love the honesty.

• 35:42Stavros Halkias?

  There we go, okay, images, okay, is there another tab maybe?

• 35:45Speaker 03

  There's the second one.

• 35:47Speaker 04

  We need like a moving image.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  The second one, second, you know what two is? Alright, click on that.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  He's gonna be, he's not gonna be able to watch it.

• 35:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, here we go.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  Oh, here we go.

• 35:57Stavros Halkias?

  There it is.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  Here he is.

• 35:59Stavros Halkias?

  Good job, Elders.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  He's trying to go up.

• 36:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, this guy's so funny.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  And he's, oh.

• 36:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, he eats it.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  And he, I thought he was gonna keep fighting and he's just like, he knows.

• 36:09Stavros Halkias?

  There it is, tosses it. Take it.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  I'll, I'll write back to you from down there.

• 36:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no, he just gave up.

• 36:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, he gave up.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  The enormous crowd behind him.

• 36:18Stavros Halkias?

  And then other people have to go around him.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  So I've experienced the shame of pussying out of like the high dive. This has to be like that times 10.

• 36:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, the high dive was tough.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're right, the funniest part is him throwing it, be like.

• 36:31Stavros Halkias?

  Throwing it, yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 04

  He threw a literal towel.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. Get this John Cena paraphernalia back to my family.

• 36:38Stavros Halkias?

  If I don't make it, if I don't make it.

• 36:41Speaker 03

  Make sure my boy has this wrestling belt.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  I need my boy to have his Yi t-shirt.

• 36:45Stavros Halkias?

  And by boy, I clearly mean a Funko Pop, cause I've never had sex. I definitely don't have a family.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  Make sure this Funko Pop ends up in my mom's basement.

• 36:55Stavros Halkias?

  God damn, that was pathetic. But I know it, I've recognized myself from a year ago in that image. That fat, when a fat boy has to do unexpected, you know, feats of strength.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  It's like, there's a, there's like a 10 second where you can, you're like, I still have this? And then it hits you and you're like, no I don't?

• 37:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, you feel invincible, but like, when you sprint for the first three seconds, you're like, I'm the fastest, I'm Usain Bolt. And then you're back and then everything.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  We did the combine here, a month ago.

• 37:23Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, hell yeah.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  I ate so much shit on the 40 yard draft, the 40 yard, uh, uh, what am I looking for?

• 37:29Stavros Halkias?

  Dash.

• 37:30Speaker 03

  Dash. My body just, my legs literally were like, what are you doing? And they just gave out.

• 37:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, people called it out for being fake because it was so slapstick. But it was a genuine failing of the human body.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  And Elders is gonna pull it up right now.

• 37:46Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, fuck, that's so, nah, don't even-

• 37:48Speaker 03

  Just do, just do Big Cat Combine Fall.

• 37:53Stavros Halkias?

  There you go.

• 37:54Speaker 03

  There it is.

• 37:54Stavros Halkias?

  There it is.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  Oh, that was easy.

• 37:56Stavros Halkias?

  Uh oh, Facebook.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  Oh no, Facebook, yeah, you got this.

• 37:58Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, you guys have a nice Facebook contingent? I don't know. You got uncles that pop in?

• 38:02Speaker 03

  I don't, someone just posts stuff for us.

• 38:05Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. Here's the cat, here's Big Cat about to sprint. I will say, you do look, you're not as fat, oh wow.

• 38:12Speaker 04

  Nobody fluctuates like you, that was like three weeks ago.

• 38:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you took, you took a mulligan, dude?

• 38:20Speaker 03

  That was the worst feeling when, uh...

• 38:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I took a mulligan.

• 38:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh man, here we go.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  And I'm just going so fast.

• 38:27Stavros Halkias?

  It feel, you feel like you're fuck- Oh no, dude! That's insane.

• 38:32Speaker 03

  People thought I was faking, it's like dude, why would I skin my knee and look like an asshole?

• 38:36Stavros Halkias?

  If you did that, you're the best physical comedian of all time, dude.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  Buster Keaton.

• 38:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  No, I remember there was like, maybe 10 years ago, I lost a little weight and I was like, kinda feeling cocky about it and, and Dave just shit on me so bad on the rundown, he's like, "You'll gain it back." And I just, and he was right. It's just like 15 pounds.

• 38:55Stavros Halkias?

  But again, what's the point, honestly, if I were you, little dick, children, married-

• 38:59Speaker 03

  I still get laid.

• 39:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, well, there's no way I'm not, you're a Chicago father of three with a good job. It's actually fucked up, you're not fat. You have to get fatter and fatter.

• 39:09Speaker 03

  I should get fatter.

• 39:09Stavros Halkias?

  Every year, you need to gain four pounds. Until you're like, the fattest guy of all time. Like that, you have the, the build for it, you live in this city, like, if you're not fat, when you're like, you know, in 15 years, like, if you're not really fat in 15 years-

• 39:23Speaker 03

  But you know what's gonna happen, I bet you this happens to you too, because we were talking about this, like, you, you, you look good, but you're like, "I'm never gonna get like, super skinny." Do you think about the time when you're like, I think this happens to everyone in their like, 50s or 60s, especially if they have money, where they're like, "I'm gonna live forever."

• 39:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Like, you're gonna hit that point, you're like, "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna fucking live to 112."

• 39:43Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think I, I think I know, the way you knew that your dick was a limiting factor in getting pussy, I know that the life I've already lived is a limiting factor in living longer.

• 39:54Speaker 03

  And you're like, "Oh, this guy's gonna-"

• 39:55Stavros Halkias?

  Not how it works, brother.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, it does, though. Rich people can do that. They can be like, oh, here's how I'm gonna live forever.

• 40:01Stavros Halkias?

  Have you seen pictures of them? They have like weird toupees.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:04Stavros Halkias?

  They're fucking skinny as fuck. You know, it's just like, it's not, that's not, I wanna burn bright.

• 40:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:09Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? I'm going out. In fact, there will be a moment where the exact opposite happens. Where I make peace with dying and get so insanely fat. Like, I'm going to be an old man. Like, I'm trying to live and have good quality of life for the next thirty years or so.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:25Stavros Halkias?

  But, man.

• 40:26Speaker 04

  Have you had a scare?

• 40:26Stavros Halkias?

  Seventy hits? I'm getting fat as fuck, dude. And just eating pie all the time.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  I bet you the second you have a scare, it's...

• 40:33Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I've had, yeah, I've had plenty of serious health issues. Doctors tell me, like, don't do this, you'll die. You know what I mean? Like, I, there was like, when I was on tour last, the last tour where I was like gaining, when I got up to like three fifty, there were nights where I was like, I don't think I'm gonna die when I'm in my sleep. I don't think so, but I've taken enough dick pills, regular pills, weed. Like, I'm so fucked up on like, there's, the things in my bloodstream right now are too many dick pills, I'm so fat the regular dose won't work. So I have to take more than a doctor would tell me to. Just Xanax or just some kind of pill, weed, ribeye fat. You know what I mean?

• 41:13Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm like, an ice cream cone, it's like, this, very easily, like, I'm, my CPAP is losing to my, to me. Like, I'm shorting my travel CPAP, I'm so fucking, you know what I mean?

• 41:24Speaker 03

  If you died, if you died and they did the autopsy, it wouldn't be like, how'd he die?

• 41:29Stavros Halkias?

  No one would have asked any follow-ups.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  This makes perfect sense.

• 41:32Stavros Halkias?

  If that, that story comes out, like, that's, if that story came out, Star Wars dies in, on the road, no one would be like, what?

• 41:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Not one comment saying how.

• 41:42Stavros Halkias?

  There would be no question about how it happened. There'd be no, no one would accuse, no one would accuse any coroner of foul play. It would not, it would be like, let's immediately make the funeral arrangements. We feel so bad for his mother. We, we should, we're gonna go apologize for not stopping him sooner. We all knew, we were all saying it behind his back, but we didn't have the guts to actually have an intervention. That's what would have happened if I died. And I just, I just don't want, so yeah, I, my whole, there were two years of my life that were a constant scare.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:13Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, fuck, man, I hope I make it out of this. I really had that thought for a year straight. I was like, God, I hope I don't die right now. That would suck.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  That would really suck.

• 42:21Stavros Halkias?

  That would fucking be brutal, but, so yeah, I don't want to be Brian Johnson who's like eating candy.

• 42:26Speaker 04

  He's like gray.

• 42:27Stavros Halkias?

  It's weird and he doesn't look better.

• 42:29Speaker 03

  No.

• 42:30Stavros Halkias?

  And you also, you have a glow, you have something about you when you're having a good time.

• 42:34Speaker 03

  Right, that's true.

• 42:35Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I think a happy person looks better than somebody who's doing everything right and just like is miserable.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Right.

• 42:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's my plan. I want to live, I want to be healthy for the next 30 years. After that, I want to be the fattest.

• 42:49Speaker 03

  65?

• 42:50Stavros Halkias?

  No, no. So 65 is when I'll be healthy.

• 42:53Speaker 03

  Got it.

• 42:54Stavros Halkias?

  You know, till 65.

• 42:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:56Stavros Halkias?

  65 to 70, I'll maintain.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  See, I think that changes though. I think everyone gets to that point of like, oh shit, mortality. And then they start doing, you know, they find God, they do all this shit.

• 43:06Stavros Halkias?

  I'll never find God.

• 43:07Speaker 03

  I won't either, but I think a lot of people do that when they're older.

• 43:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but it's pathetic. I mean, it's like, it's just like, you can't, I'm not finding God. I'm not trying to live forever. I like, I like that we're gonna die. I don't want to live forever. And also it's like, the things you worry about where you're like, oh, I hope I get my, like, everything you, you fear will happen. And it's already happened. Like, I remember thinking like, damn, I, like, my brother just had a kid. And my grand, I saw a picture of, of my grandma holding my, my, you know, my nephew and it's fucking cute as fuck. It's like, you know, two generations completely opposite. And in my head, I was like, damn. When I was younger, I was like, if I have kids, I want to be my grandmother. No chance I'm having, no chance I'm having kids before she checks out. You know what I mean?

• 43:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:50Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, and, and that just happened while I was living my life. There's gonna be so many more of those.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:55Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, oh, I really wanted to do this goal. Not gonna happen. But I had a good time. Your life is different than you imagined it to be. And you just have to have a good ass time. And that's really what I'm hoping. And it's, you know, I don't want to, it's pathetic when people try and cling on.

• 44:09Speaker 03

  I just can't, I just can't have my wife die before me. Then I'd die.

• 44:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you're, yeah, but that won't happen. There's no chance.

• 44:15Speaker 03

  I've told her too before, she like, you know, you have those conversations, like, what would you do? And like, her, her mother passed away a few years ago and so her dad's dating again. And I'm like, I told her, I told her straight up, I was like, if you die. High end prostitutes, that's it. I'll never, uh, like, because I'm not, I'm just not doing it. I'm not, I'm not putting in the effort.

• 44:34Speaker 04

  That's really beautiful.

• 44:34Speaker 03

  It's actually like the, like, that's probably the, like, sweetest thing you can say.

• 44:39Stavros Halkias?

  That is sweet, because you're not lying.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Right.

• 44:41Stavros Halkias?

  You're not like, I'll never be with anyone else again.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  Someone else that I love.

• 44:44Stavros Halkias?

  But I'm, you know.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  But I am gonna fuck some high end prostitutes.

• 44:48Speaker 04

  And then like, your kids, your kids growing up seeing a different whore walking out of your house every day, like, dad really loves mom.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  Of course. Like, the real cream of the crop.

• 44:56Stavros Halkias?

  I know what fucking Barstool, I know what your steak in Barstool is.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Right, exactly.

• 44:59Stavros Halkias?

  I know you're not getting fucking bottom of the barrel, dude, absolutely.

• 45:02Speaker 03

  It's gonna be great, you're a beautiful.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  You're gonna be like a Saudi prince.

• 45:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and that's, that is beautiful, though, you're right, because being like, I'll never remarry, I'll never date again. It's a lie. You're gonna get a couple nuts off.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Right.

• 45:13Stavros Halkias?

  But you're saying it will be a business transaction.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  It will all be business.

• 45:16Stavros Halkias?

  With, you know, some of the fa- the most gifted throat goats.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  Like, trying to convince another woman that the small dick that comes fast is okay.

• 45:23Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  That's a whole process.

• 45:25Stavros Halkias?

  Right, so it's not really about loving your wife more than any other woman.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  It's more, yeah, my own limitations.

• 45:30Stavros Halkias?

  It's more, again, just being, being pragmatic, yeah. Well, there's no chance you outlive your wife, right?

• 45:36Speaker 03

  Probably not.

• 45:37Stavros Halkias?

  You're, you're about the same age?

• 45:38Speaker 03

  I, I went to the doctor for the first time in like a decade, and everything was fa- like, he was like, yeah, you're good.

• 45:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 03

  And I was like, really?

• 45:46Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  And so, and my wife was actually mad. She was like, this is bullshit that you, like, don't have, like, you live.

• 45:51Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow, she wanted a little comeuppance.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  She wanted a little, like, hey, you gotta start, you know, take a cholesterol.

• 45:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, interesting.

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Did you lie to your doctor at all?

• 46:00Speaker 03

  No, I, I, I think I told the story of the act, but I, I had, I had like that moment, uh, my doctor was like, you know, asking about drinking and, and drugs and stuff, and I don't really drink, like, kinda at all anymore. And it's not really like, oh, it's not like I'm sober, I just, I don't have the time.

• 46:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  And I got caught in that moment where I was like, I don't.

• 46:21Stavros Halkias?

  To look cool to the doctor?

• 46:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then I was like, but I, I mean, I used to fucking drink and do, I used to do so much coke.

• 46:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  Like, and I was like, what am I saying?

• 46:29Speaker 04

  You're trying to, like, impress this dude.

• 46:31Speaker 03

  I literally was trying to not be a nerd in front of my doctor.

• 46:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's awesome, dude. Nah, dude, you don't get it, dude, I was fucking the man. It's all good. It's all, I don't do that shit anymore.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  You should have seen me in my twenties.

• 46:43Stavros Halkias?

  I was a fucking animal. You'd be pissed if, at me when I was younger.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  You would have hated me, Doc.

• 46:48Speaker 03

  But yeah, I probably was the first person to ever do that with their doctor.

• 46:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  Dude, I loved cocaine for a while.

• 46:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's feeling wa- yeah, that's definitely you feeling washed, being like, my youth is so over.

• 46:58Speaker 04

  Are you sure I'm healthy? I used to do coke all the time.

• 47:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, double check that.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  I swear to God.

• 47:04Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, coke and probably cheese curds. I can't even imagine.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Mushrooms.

• 47:09Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  I still eat mushrooms every now and then.

• 47:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful. They're ni- they're nice. They're therapeutic.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  I'm going back to the sphere.

• 47:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the sphere.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  You gotta.

• 47:17Stavros Halkias?

  Looks good to do mushrooms in the sphere.

• 47:19Speaker 03

  Oh, so much fun.

• 47:19Stavros Halkias?

  God damn, dude. I want, I'mma, I'mma try that shit out. We gotta hit the sphere, Eldis.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:24Stavros Halkias?

  Our boys here on a, we're, we're on a bit of a time crunch, so why don't we get to our questions? Cause I want these, these luminaries to be able to weigh in. Cause we have a father, we have a, again, an Albanian who's rightfully.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Who has a straight dad.

• 47:37Stavros Halkias?

  Who's got a straight dad who's rightfully thrown his culture in the garbage and decided to just be a kind of regular white guy from, uh, no, West Virginia. He's prouder about West Virginia than Albania.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  That's, that's true. That's, when you put it that way.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  Perspective. Hot damn. Damn.

• 47:56Stavros Halkias?

  And Bethlehem, not even like, you know, I assume that's the sh- a shitty small town.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, yeah.

• 48:01Stavros Halkias?

  What's the biggest town?

• 48:02Speaker 04

  Charleston.

• 48:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  Morgantown's nice.

• 48:04Stavros Halkias?

  Morgantown's nice, yeah.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:06Stavros Halkias?

  So anyway, Eldis, let's see what we got here.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  You gotta get the cans on to listen to the questions.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. This is where Jacob came in huge.

• 48:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, the guy who, who set up the cans, he, uh, he went to University of Florida. He tried out for the football team every single year, running back. Never played football in his life.

• 48:24Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 48:24Speaker 03

  And they were just like, why are you here?

• 48:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  Yeah. Every year he, he would show up.

• 48:28Stavros Halkias?

  And he was like, he's like, what, five eight?

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:31Stavros Halkias?

  He's like a five eight, one hundred ninety pound, just schlubby white.

• 48:36Speaker 04

  I was shooting a sketch that was about huddle tapes and I asked him for his. He was like, I've never played football.

• 48:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:40Speaker 04

  But you tried out.

• 48:41Speaker 03

  That's where Emmitt Smith played football.

• 48:44Stavros Halkias?

  So did he just get destroyed? Like, did they cut him instantly?

• 48:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, pretty much.

• 48:48Stavros Halkias?

  Were they like, alright, everybody, uh, run to the five yard line and back and then you're cut, you're cut? Like, how many, like, pasty white guys got cut like that?

• 48:55Speaker 03

  Four years in a row, too. It's crazy.

• 49:03Stavros Halkias?

  Play it, play it nice and loud in, in Big Cat's ears and play it regular for the rest of us, Elvis.

• 49:08Speaker 01

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• 49:53Speaker 01

  VGW Group. Void where prohibited by law. CT and C's. 21+

• 49:57Speaker 06

  Hey, Stavi baby. Hey, Elvis. Hey distinguished guests. Hope everyone's doing well. So I've got a two-part question. Um, I recently got out of a seven-year relationship. Well, two years ago I got out of the seven-year relationship, meaningful relationship. I'm back on the dating scene in the trendy-ass upstate New York City that you've definitely heard of, but it's small.

• 50:18Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 50:19Speaker 06

  So I'm dating, the hinge settings are between 26 and 42. I'm 34. So I felt like that was a good range. Anything below mid twenties, I'm too old for, I feel like. So is that correct, first of all? And secondly, um, the women that I'm dating, I'm really open with them. Like, I'm not opposed to a long, uh, like a long-term relationship, a meaningful relationship, but really I'm just trying to get my dick wet in the immediacy. And most of them are cool with it, but I'm upfront about it.

• 50:50Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 50:51Speaker 06

  But then like, we'll start hanging out, we'll keep hanging out for a few weeks, a few months.

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  They get addicted.

• 50:55Speaker 06

  Still chilling and I haven't like, changed my tone about a long-term relationship or whatever, then they get offended that I'm still going on dates, I'm having sex with other chicks, so.

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, this guy's awesome.

• 51:04Speaker 06

  Is that just like bad for?

• 51:05Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this. It sounds like Dan at his doctor.

• 51:10Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm just slaying cunt like pussy back and forth dude.

• 51:13Speaker 04

  Under the guise of an issue. And he's just like, I'm fucking younger women and they're falling in love with me.

• 51:22Stavros Halkias?

  Too many women are falling in love with me while I'm getting my dick wet left and right.

• 51:26Speaker 04

  They need more of my cock.

• 51:27Stavros Halkias?

  In this really cool upstate New York City, I'm not gonna tell you the name of, but you've heard of it, trust me. Go ahead, finish the question, Aldous.

• 51:34Speaker 06

  I'm offended that I'm still going on dates, I'm having sex with other chicks, so is that just like bad form? Should I just be like?

• 51:42Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck this guy.

• 51:42Speaker 06

  Want it done, hit it. Should I, I'm 34, so should I just get over it? The two years not being in a relationship was enough to like have my fill and I should just grow up?

• 51:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, this is a classic brag question.

• 51:55Speaker 06

  Settle down, start settling down. And the last part of my question is, this morning I matched with a incredible, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She's 30 years old, but her top thing on hinge is that she, I have to be Albanian for her dating, so.

• 52:11Stavros Halkias?

  Set her up with Tehran.

• 52:12Speaker 06

  I told her I was Albanian and we're going on a date later this week.

• 52:15Stavros Halkias?

  This is the only guy who's ever lied about being Albanian.

• 52:20Stavros Halkias?

  This better be Elijah Dusku, bro.

• 52:22Speaker 03

  This is perfect.

• 52:23Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucking hysterical.

• 52:25Speaker 06

  I'm Albanian and we're going on a date later this week, so should I pull out of there? Cause Albanians are fucking insane and her brothers are gonna string me up by my ankles.

• 52:37Stavros Halkias?

  Not you lying about your ethnicity. Fuck this guy. This guy, yeah.

• 52:42Speaker 03

  I hate him.

• 52:43Speaker 06

  Her brothers are gonna string me up by my ankles.

• 52:45Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 52:46Speaker 06

  Or could I just feel it out and charm my way into eventually telling you the truth that I'm not Albanian?

• 52:52Stavros Halkias?

  This is hysterical.

• 52:53Speaker 06

  Hope you boys are doing well. Please answer this question. Love you boys, bye.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  What's the question?

• 53:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, truly, what is the question? What the fuck, dude? This guy fucking sucks.

• 53:07Stavros Halkias?

  Lying about being Albanian is cra- just, okay. It's funny that's Albanian, but you can't lie to women to get them to agree to meet you in public.

• 53:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's a low-level sex crime that you're pretty much committing. Just, I mean, it's not a crime, but it's just, you're being a dickhead, misrepresenting who you are. Especially, like, it's, look, is this woman stupid for being like, "I will only date this ethnicity"? Yes, but if anyone has a hard line and you lie to get access to them, you're also a piece of shit.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  But I think he's thinking, from everything he said, that his dick is so sweet it won't matter.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  Right, as soon as he enters, she's, she can't quit.

• 53:45Speaker 03

  She'll forget where she's from.

• 53:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She'll dickma- she'll get dickmatized to a crazy degree.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:53Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, what is the question is a great question, Nick. This guy's just, uh, should I just, I guess vaguely, the question is, "Am I a good person and should I settle down"?

• 54:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:03Stavros Halkias?

  Should I stop getting all this pussy I can't stop getting?

• 54:06Speaker 03

  I think the question is, are you guys jealous of me?

• 54:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:10Stavros Halkias?

  Not really, personally, there's something else going on here.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  Stavros has to know how much pussy I'm getting.

• 54:17Speaker 03

  Wait, where'd he say he's from in upstate New York?

• 54:19Speaker 05

  He said a hip city in upstate New York.

• 54:22Speaker 03

  What?

• 54:22Speaker 05

  Probably Woodstock or some shit like that.

• 54:24Speaker 03

  Some bullshit like that. Oh, he's like Hudson Valley shit?

• 54:26Stavros Halkias?

  That's my guess, something like that, which, again-

• 54:28Speaker 03

  That'd be funny if this guy's just Syracuse.

• 54:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's in Albany, just-

• 54:32Speaker 04

  This guy's Rochester, he can grow up on garbage plates. Taking Albanians off a garbage plate.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, season tickets at the Carrier Dome.

• 54:40Stavros Halkias?

  We're thinking Elijah Dusku, we should really be thinking like a migrant farmworker.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:45Stavros Halkias?

  Like a bitch that pulls radishes out of, out of the, you know, like, Streganona, some Streganona-looking bitch. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, what do you want us to say, man? Congratulations on getting pussy, good job.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  You rock.

• 54:58Stavros Halkias?

  You're okay, should you cut it off? Should you wean them off your dick before they get too obsessed? Is actually the question.

• 55:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:06Stavros Halkias?

  He's asking, should, what should, how should I titrate down on my dick?

• 55:10Speaker 03

  Right.

• 55:11Stavros Halkias?

  How do I slowly decrease the dosage?

• 55:13Speaker 04

  Should I bust faster?

• 55:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:16Speaker 03

  Just give him the tip one last time.

• 55:18Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I guess you're fine, man, but also what, I guess it's fine to think like, what is the point? I definitely thought that at some point.

• 55:26Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 55:26Stavros Halkias?

  Of like, of just getting, just fucking people.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:29Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, man, maybe you have started to get to that point, but you're also realizing, like, it's the friends with benefits thing. Someone gets their feelings hurt.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:36Stavros Halkias?

  It works for a little bit. You both maybe are on the same page for a week, but so, either you get your heart broken, somebody gets heartbroken, something bad, something weird happens. With, that's what these relationships, it's okay to be like upfront, be like, hey, I'm dating around. But eventually you probably do want to do something else.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  Well, this is also just an entire question that's like, essentially like, yeah, it's awesome being a dude.

• 55:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  Cause like a woman at 34 is like, you know, freaking out, like, do I have, do I have, you know, am I getting married? Am I having kids? Am I gonna miss that window? And this guy's like, yeah, I'm just gonna keep rolling.

• 56:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I can just keep this going.

• 56:10Speaker 03

  I'll find a 25 year old when I'm 40.

• 56:12Speaker 04

  I don't think he means it though. I think this dude's hurting.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  You think so, deep down?

• 56:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, from that first relationship.

• 56:17Speaker 03

  Is he crying for help?

• 56:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point. He, it, the relationship was what, seven years, he said? Seven is tough.

• 56:23Speaker 04

  Dude, if you're older than 22 bragging about pussy.

• 56:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 56:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, you, everyone's got that, like, one friend who, like, bragged about pussy for a little too long.

• 56:32Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's the greatest fear of my life. I have to stop, like, I just am still trying to fuck a bunch and I just like, I'm like, alright, man. You don't want to be the 40 plus guy.

• 56:43Speaker 03

  Right.

• 56:43Stavros Halkias?

  Just like veneers, hair plugs.

• 56:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:46Stavros Halkias?

  Going to like, pulling out your like crypto portfolio and hoping a 19 year old hostess sees it.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:52Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, I just don't want it, you don't want to be that pathetic guy, cause yes, it's, at a certain point, it's like suiting up as a grown man and playing middle, like, pee wee football. It's like, yes, oh, you have your shit together as a 36 year old where you can convince 24 year olds to fuck you. It's like, yeah, that's fine, like, okay, how long are you gonna do that? That's not impressive. If you need to get it out of, you know, whatever, you want to date for a little bit, eventually you have to move on to the next thing.

• 57:18Speaker 03

  Go to All Madden, dude.

• 57:20Stavros Halkias?

  Go to All Madden.

• 57:20Speaker 03

  You're fucking playing on rookies still.

• 57:22Stavros Halkias?

  Go to All Madden, do, yes, date women that you're intimidated by.

• 57:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:26Stavros Halkias?

  You know, or here's another thing you do. Show up to your ex's house with her new husband, beg her for another chance. Yeah. You know, that'll, you know, if you do something that destructive, it does kind of allow you to restart the whole cycle of healing again. It's kind of like shitty GMs that keep drafting first round pick quarterbacks. Where they're like, alright, this will just get me a job. Yeah. This will get me the ability to keep fucking 25 year olds. I'll have the emo- I'll be emotionally stunted. Keep hitting the lottery, basically. Yeah. He's like, instead of, it's maybe it's just time to get a journeyman fucking quarterback. And build, build defense in your line, bro. This guy needs Joe Flacco. Yeah, let's get Flacco in there.

• 58:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, stop looking for blue chip players, man. Yeah, he's been, this is a GM that's been in the lottery too long. That's really what it is. Um, alright, man. Good luck and don't lie about your ethnicity to get pussy also.

• 58:18Stavros Halkias?

  Nope, fuck.

• 58:19Speaker 06

  Yo, stop, first time long-

• 58:24Speaker 06

  Yo, stop, first time long time. Uh, so, here's the deal. My wife, who I've been married to for two years and some change now, love her to death. Uh, I'm 31, we got a good thing going. We're thinking about buying a house this year and, uh, I don't know, shit's kind of wild, so maybe not, maybe we will, but just last week, my wife, I was out of town.

• 58:51Stavros Halkias?

  Uh-oh.

• 58:52Speaker 06

  She got caught up in a scam and she, I don't know if the details really matter, but you know, it was a clever scam, I gotta say. It wasn't, you know, Nigerian prince bullshit.

• 59:04Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 59:05Speaker 06

  They were impersonating the FBI, blah blah blah.

• 59:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, that sounds a lot more realistic.

• 59:10Speaker 06

  Twenty-five thousand dollars out in cash and deposited it into a Bitcoin machine, thinking that the FBI-

• 59:20Stavros Halkias?

  The FBI, man! This was a tricky scam. The FBI wanted Bitcoin from your wife.

• 59:29Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus Christ, bro. All right. I mean, that's, it's not tricky. Let's start there. Your wife is dumb, but let's finish up. That's crazy.

• 59:37Speaker 06

  That the FBI was, like, this was legit, and the FBI was asking her to do that to, like, verify her identity or something.

• 59:46Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 59:46Speaker 06

  So, you know, obviously, big blow, like, we've talked to the FBI and all this shit, like, we're trying to figure it out, um, try to get the money back from the bank. But, you know, like, I've just been totally supportive and like, hey, you know, you've been a victim of a crime. It sucks.

• 1:00:04Stavros Halkias?

  This is really tough.

• 1:00:06Speaker 06

  God, in the back of my head, I'm like-

• 1:00:08Stavros Halkias?

  The back? The back of your head, you're like, why did you take out 25 grand of our money, you dumb bitch, and give it to some guy who said he was in the FBI?

• 1:00:15Speaker 05

  FBI is-

• 1:00:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's in the back of your head, not the only thing you can think of day and night? Did, did I, did I marry someone with severe lead paint poisoning? This is crazy, dude.

• 1:00:27Speaker 06

  You put $25,000 cash in a fucking Bitcoin machine, thinking that this was legit?

• 1:00:34Stavros Halkias?

  What's a Bitcoin machine?

• 1:00:35Speaker 05

  I don't even know.

• 1:00:36Stavros Halkias?

  Is it a Bitcoin ATM or some shit?

• 1:00:37Speaker 05

  I'm assuming he means a Bitcoin ATM.

• 1:00:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:40Speaker 06

  Crazy. I can't, I don't want to say this, like, you don't, I mean, especially right now, but like, two months down the line, like, you think I should give, talk about, hey, let's think about, I don't know, street smarts or critical thinking or some shit like that? But anyways, I guess my question is, I'm just caught up trying to be like, do I give her advice on how to be more street smart, or do I just have to, like, support her and, like, let this go and just chalk this up as an L? Anyways, thank you. Love you. Bye.

• 1:01:08Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is devastating. Imagine marrying, like, how could you think of anything else? Like, you're surprised.

• 1:01:16Speaker 04

  He said he may talk to her about it in two months.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  How, how, how nice are we to the-

• 1:01:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, please, please.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  Okay, well, all right, so the first thing comes to my mind is she's cheating on you, or you have to get divorced.

• 1:01:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, exactly.

• 1:01:30Speaker 03

  If you want to believe that this is real, you have to get divorced.

• 1:01:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:33Speaker 03

  Because I would never get over that.

• 1:01:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:35Speaker 03

  And i-if- Like, there's just no way that your wife would take out $25,000 cash and not talk to you first.

• 1:01:42Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, for anything. 25 grand?

• 1:01:45Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 1:01:46Stavros Halkias?

  Any decision that big is like, and if she's not cheering on you, and if she is the kind of person that would do that, you got a divorce. And also, by the way, how much of a pushover is this guy? If the type of woman that got tricked by people is gaslighting him? This lady got tricked by some guy on the phone to give 25 grand, and he's like, "Am I being crazy here?" Like, she's dominating you, bro. You're getting got by the lady who got got by these guys.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  She's scamming you.

• 1:02:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  This might be an inside job.

• 1:02:17Stavros Halkias?

  This is brutal.

• 1:02:18Speaker 03

  It feels like an inside job.

• 1:02:19Stavros Halkias?

  I kind of agree with you too, yeah.

• 1:02:21Speaker 04

  This can't be her first stupid mistake, if that's true.

• 1:02:25Stavros Halkias?

  Is she a bitch? Yes, exactly.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  See, I'm reversing this whole thing. You're the fucking moron. You married Kaiser Soze, and now you're fucked. She literally is talking to her cohorts, being like, "Yeah, my husband bought it. He's gonna, like, the worst that could happen, he's gonna call into Stavi's world and ask for advice." And they're all sitting in a lair, being like, "We got him."

• 1:02:48Speaker 04

  Do I teach her to be more street smart, or do I just be there for her? There's like, other options.

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're like, her co-criminals are basically like, "Are you sure this is gonna work?" It's like, "It's not a problem. Like, he's gonna fucking pat me on the head and be like, 'Hey, honey, we need street smarts, and we're gonna get this 25 grand, and we're gonna do whatever we want with it.'"

• 1:03:07Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, man, this is fucking...

• 1:03:09Speaker 03

  He got scammed.

• 1:03:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you got scammed just by marrying a person who's capable of this.

• 1:03:14Speaker 03

  But again, I think she's a genius. I think she's the genius, he's the idiot.

• 1:03:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's very much in play. That's the thing that's crazy about this. There's five insane scenarios in play here, and I would never be able to stop running through them.

• 1:03:25Speaker 03

  And I don't believe, the only one I don't believe is what he told us. The face value of this, I do not believe whatsoever.

• 1:03:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, that is tough. It's tough to take it at face value. And it just like, but clearly this guy is not allowing himself to really think through this.

• 1:03:42Speaker 03

  Right. Like, could it be like 2,500 in cash and he mistyped? Cause like then it's like, alright, 2,500, okay.

• 1:03:48Stavros Halkias?

  2,500 is definitely, you can get over it.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, that's a mistake.

• 1:03:51Stavros Halkias?

  25 grand.

• 1:03:52Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 1:03:53Speaker 04

  Her believing it was the FBI is the craziest.

• 1:03:57Speaker 03

  Again, that's where I think that she's the, she's a mastermind.

• 1:04:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I know, that's how stupid this is, that Dan's theory is equally as plausible.

• 1:04:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, 100%. I need to know more details because I'm pretty sure she scammed you, bro.

• 1:04:11Stavros Halkias?

  There's something, I do honestly feel like we are missing something with their relationship.

• 1:04:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, like she's got, she's not from America and she got her green card when we got married. Something's happened.

• 1:04:21Stavros Halkias?

  We are missing, we are missing something. Or, or he just doesn't want to talk about, he does just want to say like, I'm, the person I love is really fucking stupid.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:31Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's also, like, that's the only possible explanation, because the way he's talking about it is like, like, he's, it's finally dawned on him that he married someone with like, a learning disability. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's talking about, do I just be there for her? He's basically like, alright, her legs are never gonna work again, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get a, I'm gonna build a ramp, I'm gonna get one of those chairs. Like, he's talking about like, changing his life.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:04:55Stavros Halkias?

  Because he loves her and she's so stupid, he has to like, be around her constantly.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, you're not getting, you're not buying a house with her, you're putting her in a hole.

• 1:05:06Speaker 03

  This is assisted living.

• 1:05:08Stavros Halkias?

  She needs a nurse with her at all times.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  She's gonna be like Rose Kennedy, like, we're putting her...

• 1:05:13Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I need to, you're right, I really need to know more. I need to know like, who is this woman? How did, I want to know your whole story, because something is not fitting here.

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  Nothing fits.

• 1:05:23Stavros Halkias?

  He might have to call into a live show, man.

• 1:05:26Speaker 04

  It was more believable than a Nigerian prince. It was the FBI.

• 1:05:29Stavros Halkias?

  The FBI needs Bitcoin. The FBI needs 25 grand in Bitcoin to verify her identity.

• 1:05:36Stavros Halkias?

  The FBI can't figure out who you are, they're the fucking FBI. They investigate. The Federal Bureau of Investigation. They can't figure out a lady's fucking identity without $25,000 of her money? What the fuck are you talking about, man? If your wife really is this stupid, you have to, you have to either put her in a conservative shift or get divorced, man. Or you're getting cucked in an insane way. Something fucked up is afoot here, though.

• 1:06:01Speaker 04

  I don't even get what the 25 grand would be for cheating.

• 1:06:04Stavros Halkias?

  I know, I'm just saying like-

• 1:06:05Speaker 03

  I think it's, yeah, I think she's scamming him.

• 1:06:06Stavros Halkias?

  But is she, you know, the like, how well do you know her? Is it a green card marriage? Is it like a random lady who has, is this casino? What happened, you know, like, is, does she have-

• 1:06:17Speaker 03

  You know what, maybe she was taking my gambling picks.

• 1:06:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, that might be it. That's the most, that is it. She's down bad, she's listening to Big Cat.

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  She saw my 16-0 streak and was like, I found the way to buy her house. Hopped on at number 17 and lost everything.

• 1:06:32Speaker 04

  My Albanian grandpa got ripped off.

• 1:06:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, what did he do, what happened there?

• 1:06:36Speaker 04

  An acre lot in New Mexico. It was a utopian development.

• 1:06:39Stavros Halkias?

  And it was just sand?

• 1:06:41Speaker 04

  It's just sand, it's off the power grid and he's dead. And I pay $16 a year on property tax.

• 1:06:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you inherited your-

• 1:06:49Speaker 04

  I got the New Mexico land.

• 1:06:50Speaker 03

  I remember when my grandfather, before he died, like, he would, he would fill out all the, like, publishing clearinghouse, all that. He'd get scammed like every week.

• 1:06:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, that's awesome, dude. I love that. Buying an acre in New Mexico is awesome.

• 1:07:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, I gotta go visit.

• 1:07:05Stavros Halkias?

  Put a little pueblo up there.

• 1:07:07Speaker 04

  I don't even think there's a road. It is just, they probably did bomb testing there.

• 1:07:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking beautiful. But yeah, this, this is fucking nuts, like, this really, the only explanation is that it is, yes, if she's getting cheated on, it's like Casino where James Woods, James Woods, if she, does she have a James Woods to her Sharon Stone from Casino? Is there like some dirtbag that's just like, I need the money, babe? You know what I mean? You know, like, that's, I, there's something, and if, and by the way, the fact that we spit out this many theories, and if it is somehow true that she did get scammed, that tells you how stupid this lady is.

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  I did a bad job, I should have prepped you, Stav. Nick's never seen a movie.

• 1:07:45Speaker 04

  Oh, no, no, that's not true at all. Dude, no, that's not true.

• 1:07:48Stavros Halkias?

  Casino?

• 1:07:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, he's never seen a movie.

• 1:07:51Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta see Casino, dude.

• 1:07:52Speaker 03

  So we can't do movie references.

• 1:07:53Stavros Halkias?

  What's your favorite movie?

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  He's never seen one.

• 1:07:57Stavros Halkias?

  There's not one?

• 1:07:57Speaker 04

  No, this is, this is a bit I used to do that would piss him off.

• 1:08:01Speaker 03

  He did it to me for like two years.

• 1:08:02Speaker 04

  He's judo flipping it on you.

• 1:08:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, they just, it would drive me insane. Every time we'd talk about a movie, they'd be like, you've never seen it.

• 1:08:10Speaker 04

  You can't talk about this.

• 1:08:11Speaker 03

  I got so mad.

• 1:08:12Stavros Halkias?

  We just watched Rush, we, yesterday we watched Rush Hour 2, then Rush Hour 1. In that order. We started while, we threw on Rush Hour 2 and then it, it just auto, you know this, it auto-played Rush Hour and that's why it was an hour late to your podcast.

• 1:08:25Speaker 03

  Stop, it was an hour late to do PMT.

• 1:08:26Speaker 04

  That's ironic that it was Rush Hour. You're like, I'm late.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  No, the literal text was like, he was like, 6 o'clock works and then at like, 4:50, he was like, "Hey, can we do 7?" "I just got high and Rush Hour came on." I'm like, "Yeah, dude, that makes sense."

• 1:08:40Speaker 04

  It's like, that's a good excuse.

• 1:08:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's an emergency in your life.

• 1:08:45Stavros Halkias?

  It was Easter, it was 4:20 Easter, man. It felt right, I had to go for it.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  That's kind of rock though, that that's literally what an emergency is for you. Rush Hour came on TBS.

• 1:08:55Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry, I can't do. The biggest sports podcast in America, I have to watch Rush Hour.

• 1:09:00Speaker 04

  In reverse order.

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  Stavi's walking around with a beeper and he gets beeped. It's Eldis being like, "Hey dude, Rush Hour just came on again." Fuck, I gotta go.

• 1:09:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh fuck dude, I gotta go, I gotta go.

• 1:09:11Speaker 04

  I think like a medical beeper for Rush Hour.

• 1:09:14Stavros Halkias?

  We were also talking about Rush Hour for like, 6 hours last night. We were talking about how good they are. We got high in the podcast, there's, it was like our Kush extravaganza, like our Kush special and we were like, "Oh, this is gonna be awesome, this is gonna be so funny." It's, I guarantee you, it's not funny at all. We talk like, cold, like, coldly logically about Rush Hour. For an hour.

• 1:09:36Speaker 04

  A comprehensive breakdown.

• 1:09:37Stavros Halkias?

  And then we just like, really give horrific advice.

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 1:09:40Stavros Halkias?

  And then it was us being, it was the meanest I've ever been to people, cause I was just pissed off, cause I wanted to eat leftover lamb. And I was like, "Fuck, I have to do a half hour more of these calls." So I just took it out on every caller. Check out Kush Brothers.

• 1:09:51Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:09:53Stavros Halkias?

  It might, it actually is probably gonna air right after this, I think on the schedule, Eldis.

• 1:09:57Speaker 03

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 1:09:58Stavros Halkias?

  So, this is a little tease. Alright, what else we got, Eldy?

• 1:10:03Stavros Halkias?

  Ace of Eldis, esteemed guest. I'm 19, I'm a sophomore in college. One of my best friends, I've known since 2nd grade. My next like basically a next door neighbor. He's twenty sophomore in college. Um, like he gives me a call yesterday saying that he got his girlfriend pregnant. Hmm. His girlfriend's twenty one years old. Now.

• 1:10:31Stavros Halkias?

  I asked him like how like, oh, if this is what you want, then great.

• 1:10:39Stavros Halkias?

  This is great. Sure. Then for you, if this is what you want, awesome. How do I tell him that this is not great? Well, you blew it. Seriously. You had a chance to. Now, I know it's it's not his decision, it's it's the girl's decision. Sure, I mean, he's a part of it. Telling me that he's okay with her decision, but. Oh, she wants to keep it. He has a one, he has a single dorm. I would kill myself. And she just lives in his dorm all the time, so he sees her all the time. Uh, and like they'll have like little arguments here and there and I I tell them like, well, you guys see each other more than like a married couple would. Uh, but how I just I need I need advice. How do I tell him?

• 1:11:19Stavros Halkias?

  That I think this is bad and I think his life will be magnitudes better if. Uh, they decide not to keep this baby. Uh, thank you so much. Love the show. You're toast. You're toast, bro. He got a like, okay, clearly they should not keep the baby. I mean, obviously.

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  Conversation to have though, telling your boy like.

• 1:11:41Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's what I'm saying. Of course, like the you shouldn't do it, but it's also like this ain't he's just the way you should do is not get a girl pregnant. You know what I mean? Because.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, but.

• 1:11:52Speaker 04

  That was his first mistake.

• 1:11:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He shouldn't say anything.

• 1:11:57Stavros Halkias?

  This guy.

• 1:11:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:58Speaker 04

  Definitely not.

• 1:11:59Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 1:11:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:00Speaker 03

  If you try to like do a PowerPoint presentation on why your buddy should get an abortion and he has the kid.

• 1:12:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:06Speaker 03

  And then you're like the godfather and the kid's fifteen.

• 1:12:09Speaker 04

  I would actually love that. I would love to see the PowerPoint of why I shouldn't have been alive.

• 1:12:13Stavros Halkias?

  And you know what, I would see that.

• 1:12:15Speaker 04

  Dig that up.

• 1:12:15Stavros Halkias?

  He was right.

• 1:12:17Speaker 03

  Crazy premise, like dude, think about, don't think about right now, think about 20 years from now when this kid's a full grown adult and you have to look him in the face and be like, I actually tried to convince you to not be alive.

• 1:12:29Speaker 04

  You should go behind your boy's back and talk to her directly.

• 1:12:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:33Speaker 03

  When you say that, you mean like push her downstairs?

• 1:12:34Speaker 04

  25 grand.

• 1:12:35Stavros Halkias?

  Offer, offer a lump sum, a big, yeah, get some bitcoin.

• 1:12:39Speaker 03

  Can I say a spin zone for this guy though?

• 1:12:41Stavros Halkias?

  Spin zone it.

• 1:12:42Speaker 03

  For, for his buddy, look, obviously not ideal, uh, 21, having a kid, but like,

• 1:12:48Stavros Halkias?

  Get out of the way.

• 1:12:49Speaker 03

  Having a kid younger.

• 1:12:50Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:12:50Speaker 03

  I like, I were, like, I had my first kid when I was 34 and I wish I had.

• 1:12:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:57Speaker 03

  Them like 10 years, I wouldn't have worked out because of Barstool and like everything in my career, but like, I think about that, I do the math in my head where I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna be 60 when they're, you know, in their twenties, like I wish I was 50.

• 1:13:09Stavros Halkias?

  A little younger, yes.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  Their twenties, yeah.

• 1:13:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, that, I think that is a very powerful spin zone because I kinda think the same thing where I'm like, I don't even know if I want kids, I'm 36 right now. I think I'd like to be a, uncle mode's great, but it's even like, you see people who are like in their late 40s and they just have, they're friends with their kids, their kids are 20, you know what I mean?

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:13:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's, I do, I am jealous of that.

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 1:13:32Stavros Halkias?

  And by the way, for this guy, you have no say in this.

• 1:13:35Speaker 04

  Zero.

• 1:13:36Stavros Halkias?

  This is insane.

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  Try.

• 1:13:37Speaker 04

  And this is a dude that's afraid of losing his best friend.

• 1:13:39Stavros Halkias?

  And it's gonna happen, that's the thing.

• 1:13:41Speaker 03

  It doesn't happen now, it's gonna happen later.

• 1:13:43Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, this is gonna happen one way or the other.

• 1:13:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:13:45Stavros Halkias?

  And this is traumatic for him, he's just seeing like, he is feeling, he's asked to deal with stuff that you don't deal with till you're like 25.

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:13:53Stavros Halkias?

  Usually you lose your friends to their girlfriends or their families at 20, in their, in your mid twenties, you know? I was pissed with, I'm obviously the most Peter Pan ass motherfucker of all my friends and even when my friends were in good relationships, I'd be like, I don't think this is gonna work. You know, like, part of me would be like, you should probably break up. We should all like, live, live in a three-bedroom together forever, right, guys? Like, this is so much more fun than you.

• 1:14:16Speaker 04

  Trying to talk my buddies out of their relationships because something tiny happens.

• 1:14:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:20Speaker 03

  It's such a bad idea.

• 1:14:21Stavros Halkias?

  And it's pathetic, and it's childish behavior, and when I freed myself of it, I felt better. Now, this goes hand in hand with the fact that he's seeing his buddy just, his buddy's life is gonna take a much different turn. But hey, this is life. Also, you have no say in it. He bear, he ultimately, push comes to shove, he doesn't even really have a say in it. It's not his body. And so it's like, and unfortunately, it seems like, they're, neither one of them is thinking clearly because, you, like, the first time you're like, in a college relationship and you think, I thought I loved my college girlfriend. I thought we'd be together, you know what I mean? You're like, even though you know better, emotionally, which is the part that makes decisions like this,

• 1:15:05Stavros Halkias?

  this girl is like, well, it wasn't perfect, but it's gonna be a perfect little story for the beginning of our family. She's not realizing they are, if they get married, they're getting divorced. It's just not working out. But for right now, dude, there's no way this isn't happening.

• 1:15:19Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:15:20Stavros Halkias?

  If they're in that kind of, I live in your dorm constantly, relationship, all those relationships, they think they could handle anything.

• 1:15:27Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:15:27Stavros Halkias?

  They think it's me and you against the world. They don't realize it's just like, your pheromones, the first time you've actually liked someone.

• 1:15:32Speaker 03

  And you're not in the real world.

• 1:15:33Stavros Halkias?

  And you're not in the real world at all. So yeah, dude, mourn the loss of your, your friend. Uh, his youth is over, life as he knew it is over.

• 1:15:42Speaker 03

  Uh. Don't say shit.

• 1:15:44Speaker 04

  You're not allowed to have an opinion on this.

• 1:15:45Stavros Halkias?

  All you can do is be supportive anyway. That's it. And when he has a kid, you know, be fun, be around. And by the way, you'll, this is bad for his life? You kinda get to score points. You're like a young guy with a baby in his life. Like, girls will like that.

• 1:15:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:16:00Stavros Halkias?

  You get to have a baby that's like, you're like.

• 1:16:01Speaker 03

  Be godfucked.

• 1:16:02Stavros Halkias?

  He's an uncle, like he's an unofficial uncle. That's a nice position to be. Babies are fun. Dude, I love when my friends have kids. Cause I pop in, I play with them, I see them, I hang out for 90 minutes. And then as soon as they're annoying, I'm like, alright, well. Not my problem. Not my issue. I've never bathed, I've never had to do a bath. I've never had to make a kid put his shoes on. I've never had to fucking get him to bed. I just fucking toss him in a couch until he la- you know, like while they're laughing.

• 1:16:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:16:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's a fun guy to be in a baby's life, so. This is good for you. You can't change it. Accept it. This is a good lesson for you that life is nothing but disappointment and misery. And how you roll with it is what makes. That's how, and so. This, you're dealing with a huge one. You're just gonna have to deal with it, brother.

• 1:16:46Speaker 03

  Yeah. Just, just let it be.

• 1:16:48Stavros Halkias?

  Just let it ride. Alright, Big Eld, what else we got?

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

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• 1:17:14Stavros Halkias?

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• 1:17:43Stavros Halkias?

  We'll do 10 more minutes, get you guys ready for the yaks. Cool. What about this? Oh, fuck. Big dog.

• 1:17:51Stavros Halkias?

  And a humble guest, a humble, beautiful guest.

• 1:17:59Stavros Halkias?

  So I have an issue here.

• 1:18:01Speaker 06

  I'm twenty-two years old and I uh have a girlfriend and I love her and it's wonderful. Um, my issue has arisen recently when uh my dad, who recently lost a lot of weight. So, uh, he used to be a bigger guy, now he's not so much. Uh, and he made a bit of a fatphobic joke.

• 1:18:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow. Fuck that, first of all. Pause this. Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

• 1:18:38Speaker 03

  That's we had this conversation yesterday.

• 1:18:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yesterday on your show.

• 1:18:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, like the fat guy who gets skinny, who then like rips off his shirt all the time is a piece of shit.

• 1:18:45Stavros Halkias?

  You're a piece of shit. You're fat. You are, you will die. His dad in particular, you're a dad who got skinny. You've been fat most of your life, man. Don't forget where you fucking came from.

• 1:18:55Speaker 04

  And when very fat people lose a ton of weight, you still somehow see the phantom body that exists around there. It's like a skull-shaped thing, maybe?

• 1:19:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's not gonna look, whatever's going on with that, he doesn't look good. But anyway, let's hear, let's hear a little more context. But let me just say, I just wanted to get it on the record, fuck that guy for that.

• 1:19:11Speaker 06

  Uh, fatphobic joke at a recent sporting event that my girlfriend and I were attending. And my girlfriend is a little bigger. And so that really offended her. And recently we were talking and she was explaining to me how like she just really can't be comfortable around my dad anymore. And so I am starting to have an, I mean, we're in the area again. We kind of moved back to this area that my parents are at and I'm starting to hang out with them a lot more.

• 1:19:48Speaker 06

  And I like that and I, but at the same time, I don't want her to have to be uncomfortable every time that we're around them. And I would really dislike them to talk about it, but. She really doesn't want to.

• 1:20:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 1:20:04Speaker 06

  And so I don't know, and I don't, she said I don't, she doesn't want me telling him what he said made her uncomfortable. So I just don't really know where to go from here, and I'm hoping that maybe you can help me out. Thanks bitch.

• 1:20:18Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, hmm, yeah, I mean.

• 1:20:23Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is fucking hilarious because. I mean, again, definitely fuck his dad, especially making a fat joke and your, your son's girlfriend is a little chubby, it's like. That's just rude, or maybe big as hell, who knows, we don't know.

• 1:20:36Speaker 03

  We don't know how funny the joke was.

• 1:20:38Speaker 04

  It could have been really, really funny. So was that a sporting event?

• 1:20:42Speaker 03

  Sometimes I've made very inappropriate jokes, I'm like, I had to get it off.

• 1:20:45Stavros Halkias?

  I had to get that off.

• 1:20:46Speaker 03

  Because I knew it was gonna be funny.

• 1:20:48Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, what, fuck, I would like to know what it was.

• 1:20:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, cause like, that's all I could think about is like, it's all based on the joke. Like, if it was a really funny joke. Then you gotta tell your girlfriend to suck it up.

• 1:21:00Stavros Halkias?

  Also, and then look, there is an element of suck it up here because like. The most, the most famously detestable, like archetype in like American culture is like, the annoying in-law. You know what I mean? Like, nobody, half of people, the biggest problem with their partner is their annoying mom or dad. You know what I mean? And so it's like. You know, also, I hate to, I hate to break it to this guy, but didn't he say he's 22, eldest?

• 1:21:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, he did.

• 1:21:28Stavros Halkias?

  You know. It's like, you, like, you have to, you're basically like, do I pick between my parents or my girlfriend at 22?

• 1:21:36Speaker 04

  You can't burn a bridge with your parents at 22.

• 1:21:38Speaker 03

  Do I pick between my girlfriend and my fucking hilarious dad?

• 1:21:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, is, is, is he hilarious or is he a fat, a formerly fat tryhard?

• 1:21:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:49Stavros Halkias?

  Cause that's the thing, like.

• 1:21:50Speaker 03

  It's a huge, like, this is all based on the joke.

• 1:21:53Stavros Halkias?

  It, that, it really matters a lot, and so, we'll give you a. We'll give you advice if it's a good joke or if it's a bad joke. If it's a good joke, she kinda has to suck it up, like, you know, is he a, is he a good guy otherwise? Is he kinda, it's like, is this his one? And also, by the way, even if it's a bad joke, and he just kinda blew it, nobody should have that short a leash. You know what I mean? Like, you also have to understand, dads are famous for putting their foot in their mouth. And she's, is she a little too tattletale-y? Like, is she, or did it just hurt her feelings? And was it at her expense? Was like, we do really need to know a lot about this joke. Because if it's just about some fat guy, like, they're at a sporting event, and he calls some, like, player a fat? Who cares? But if he makes something that's kind of a veiled, if it's more about how it's a personal attack towards her,

• 1:22:38Stavros Halkias?

  then I think she has a much greater leg to stand on.

• 1:22:41Speaker 03

  You also could just flip it and just explain to your girlfriend that your dad made that joke because he's ultimately, like, not in love with himself and very insecure. Just make him a sympathetic figure in that way. Be like, he, he is, he needs a lot of therapy. He's emotionally stunted.

• 1:22:57Stavros Halkias?

  Which is all probably very true.

• 1:22:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, all, all, almost a hundred percent true, and just do that.

• 1:23:02Speaker 04

  Yeah. Dudes that lose weight get cocky quick.

• 1:23:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:04Speaker 04

  I sympathize with the bigger girl because I think the hierarchy of easy to hard life is hot girl, hot guy, ugly dude, ugly chick at the bottom.

• 1:23:12Stavros Halkias?

  Without question.

• 1:23:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. We also need to know-

• 1:23:15Stavros Halkias?

  Hot girl, hot girl's high risk, high reward, though. You can get some bad stuff happening to you if you're too hot. You know what I mean? Like, so it is like, I think hot guy might actually be the best. I would rather be a hot guy.

• 1:23:27Speaker 04

  Very hot guy.

• 1:23:28Speaker 03

  Well, it's tall guy.

• 1:23:29Stavros Halkias?

  Tall guy.

• 1:23:30Speaker 03

  Like, because you don't even have to be hot if you're tall.

• 1:23:31Stavros Halkias?

  Let's be honest, guy is just the top, that's how society works.

• 1:23:34Speaker 04

  These hot girls are getting jobs where they just, once a month, they stand in front of, like, those inflatable number balloons.

• 1:23:39Stavros Halkias?

  Some not chill stuff is also happening to them.

• 1:23:42Speaker 04

  That's fair.

• 1:23:43Stavros Halkias?

  You know what, they got a fifty-fifty chance of, uh, the guy who gave her that job, locking her in a fucking basement. You know what I mean? Like-

• 1:23:50Speaker 03

  Six, six-one and above guy.

• 1:23:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:53Speaker 03

  Hot chick.

• 1:23:55Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:23:55Speaker 03

  Like, five-eleven to six-one guy. Ugly chick.

• 1:24:02Speaker 03

  Five-nine and below.

• 1:24:03Speaker 04

  No, no, no. Ugly, ugly chick is the bottom.

• 1:24:06Stavros Halkias?

  I see what you're doing here. I'm not taking the bait. Nice try, you motherfucker.

• 1:24:10Speaker 03

  Eldis, how tall are you?

• 1:24:11Speaker 05

  Uh, six-five.

• 1:24:12Speaker 04

  Big boy.

• 1:24:13Speaker 03

  Fuck, yeah you are. Fuck, yeah you are, bro.

• 1:24:15Speaker 04

  Albanian blood. Strong Albanian blood.

• 1:24:18Stavros Halkias?

  We've had many discussions. Eldis would crumble in my body. We did a Freaky Friday body switch, he would not be able to handle it.

• 1:24:25Speaker 03

  You can't live a second in my body.

• 1:24:28Speaker 04

  None of us would last a second as an ugly girl.

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:24:31Stavros Halkias?

  I think I could figure something out.

• 1:24:33Speaker 03

  We also need to know how chubby she is.

• 1:24:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:24:35Speaker 03

  Cause like, is she just like a little chubby where it's like, hey, you're not even that fat? Or it's like, are we talking like?

• 1:24:40Speaker 04

  Like a head turner?

• 1:24:41Speaker 03

  Like D1 softball catcher?

• 1:24:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe my man likes that kinda thing.

• 1:24:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:45Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, little Freudian, maybe he wanted to fuck his dad growing up, so now he's got a big girl.

• 1:24:50Speaker 04

  This whole thing, he wants to fuck his dad.

• 1:24:51Speaker 03

  Just flipping on your dad.

• 1:24:53Stavros Halkias?

  He's just pissed his dad's skinny now. He doesn't find his dad fuckable anymore. After he lost all the weight.

• 1:24:58Speaker 04

  I gotta burn this bridge with my dad.

• 1:25:01Stavros Halkias?

  So, I mean, the other thing though is like, we're dealing with recently not fat, middle-aged guy. An insufferable type of guy.

• 1:25:07Speaker 03

  Oh, terrible, terrible person.

• 1:25:08Stavros Halkias?

  But we're also dealing with early twenties, maybe also insecure girl.

• 1:25:14Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:25:14Stavros Halkias?

  Who like, can be, can kinda, again, can be kinda tat, these types of, you know, just painting with a broad brush. Can get kinda tat, in the tattletale zone. So is her, is his dad like, how problematic really is your dad? Is your girlfriend somewhere on the slider of, my dad's a complete dickhead and my girlfriend's a dumb bitch? I think we're closer to dad as the dickhead.

• 1:25:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:36Stavros Halkias?

  But like, how close are we?

• 1:25:38Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:25:38Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, are you giving your, are you cutting your girlfriend too much slack? What was the joke?

• 1:25:43Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:25:43Stavros Halkias?

  How offensive towards her in particular was it? There's probably a little, there's probably, it's, I'm probably blaming the dad here, but also, there's probably a healthy sprinkling of girlfriend needs to suck it up.

• 1:25:54Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:25:54Speaker 04

  It's get over it.

• 1:25:55Stavros Halkias?

  But we just need a little more con, the jo, how funny is the joke is such an important.

• 1:25:59Speaker 03

  So big.

• 1:26:00Stavros Halkias?

  Is so important.

• 1:26:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:01Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so yeah, dude, good luck. I also wait it out.

• 1:26:04Speaker 04

  He looks like your girlfriend out there.

• 1:26:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you should go play left tag with Sally. Oh, the center went down. Suit up, Sal. I'm sure they have an extra helmet for you. You know, if it was that, she's got a point.

• 1:26:22Stavros Halkias?

  Also, the other thing is dude, you're 22, you can kinda wait this out.

• 1:26:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:27Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:26:27Speaker 05

  I remember in my early twenties, like when I was dating a girl and like, you know, she would just come at me with some shit about, something about my parents maybe, or bitching about my friends, and it was like...

• 1:26:41Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, which friends, I wonder?

• 1:26:44Speaker 05

  And it was kinda like, what do you think this is? What is the long game here, like, you know? You think I'm really gonna file this in the consideration bank, like?

• 1:26:52Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:26:53Speaker 05

  This probably isn't lasting another eight months if we're being real with ourselves.

• 1:26:57Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's the other thing, it's like dude, don't, exactly. Somebody, for some, for a relationship to make you rethink your, your family or best friends, that's your, you gotta be like five years deep for those conversations to even start.

• 1:27:11Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:27:11Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta wait this out, it, will this become an issue? Probably it solves itself.

• 1:27:17Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:27:17Stavros Halkias?

  Either your dad dies, or she, or you break up.

• 1:27:21Speaker 05

  He gets fat again.

• 1:27:22Stavros Halkias?

  Something's gonna happen, something's...

• 1:27:24Speaker 03

  You get, your girlfriend gets skinnier than the dad?

• 1:27:26Stavros Halkias?

  Skinny, you get fat.

• 1:27:27Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:27:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, now you're mad at your dad. You know what I mean? There's a lot of stuff, lot, lot of fucking potential...

• 1:27:33Speaker 03

  Lot of game left.

• 1:27:34Stavros Halkias?

  Lot of game left, yeah, you're worried about, yeah. Save your timeouts, brother.

• 1:27:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:27:38Stavros Halkias?

  Um, alright, you want something quick to go out on here, Aldous?

• 1:27:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, I got, I have some unsolicited medical advice for you.

• 1:27:44Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:27:49Speaker 06

  Bobby, I'm listening to your newest episode and you're talking about your fucked up discs in your back. I'm not calling with a question, I'm sorry, I'm just calling to tell you, I'm a fat guy myself, I have the same issue, I went to a bunch of different specialists, finally found a guy who practiced the McKenzie method. It's just basically a pretty simple stretch that you do a whole bunch of times, and after doing that for like four months, it, it fixed me. And I was like barely walking.

• 1:28:15Speaker 03

  Damn, okay.

• 1:28:16Speaker 06

  So maybe take a look into that.

• 1:28:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's some shit in my, yeah, my lower back.

• 1:28:19Speaker 03

  I had, I had that.

• 1:28:20Speaker 06

  Love you guys.

• 1:28:21Speaker 03

  He's right.

• 1:28:22Stavros Halkias?

  The McKenzie method?

• 1:28:23Speaker 03

  I don't know if the McKenzie method...

• 1:28:24Stavros Halkias?

  Just some stretches?

• 1:28:25Speaker 03

  But I, I had the same thing, I've thrown out my back twice and it's, I have like a, a bulging, uh, disc. All you can do is stretch.

• 1:28:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:33Speaker 03

  Like, everyone tries to do, oh acupuncture and, you know, chiropractor and all this shit. It's like dude, you threw out your back because you have a fat core. I'm not, I'm not saying it's for you, I'm saying it's about myself too.

• 1:28:45Stavros Halkias?

  I'm carrying way too much. Weight it's weighing it down.

• 1:28:47Speaker 03

  I have a fat core and no strength in my ab muscles.

• 1:28:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:51Speaker 03

  And that's why your back is basically being like, please stop helping me. I'm carrying everything here, bro.

• 1:28:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I've been pregnant my whole life. I've essentially been pregnant my whole life.

• 1:29:01Speaker 03

  You went to physical therapy for two months. I bet you'd be fine.

• 1:29:04Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:29:04Speaker 04

  What about like an inversion table? Have you ever tried that?

• 1:29:06Speaker 03

  See, that's the junk science. It's like, I've tried it all.

• 1:29:08Speaker 04

  I think that would feel so good, though.

• 1:29:09Speaker 03

  I tried it all. And then they're like, oh, you actually just have to put in a little bit of work.

• 1:29:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:29:14Speaker 03

  To to get a gain a little bit of flexibility.

• 1:29:17Stavros Halkias?

  What kind of stretches? Pull some up. Mackenzie method.

• 1:29:20Speaker 03

  There's the Superman stretch.

• 1:29:22Stavros Halkias?

  I like a Superman. I'll do a Superman.

• 1:29:23Speaker 03

  You just lay on your belly and you just stretch it. Yeah, that one.

• 1:29:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:29:27Speaker 03

  There's the one where you like kind of hump air.

• 1:29:29Stavros Halkias?

  I love to hump air. Yeah, I actually do.

• 1:29:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's it right there.

• 1:29:32Stavros Halkias?

  I do a lot of these already, actually, to warm up, so.

• 1:29:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, you just gotta do all those and then you'll be better.

• 1:29:38Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:29:38Speaker 03

  Have you thrown it out?

• 1:29:39Stavros Halkias?

  I've thrown it out a couple times.

• 1:29:40Speaker 03

  It's the worst.

• 1:29:41Stavros Halkias?

  It sucks.

• 1:29:41Speaker 03

  I I threw it out so bad, I couldn't like get off my floor for two days.

• 1:29:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, I I just have to lay down horizontal for a day and that usually fixes it, but that's. I, you know, knock on like, I just got so, I was so worried about the bed, like, and if I sleep on a bad bed.

• 1:29:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:58Stavros Halkias?

  I'm fucked. Or if I'm on a weird couch. And so these Airbnb beds will fuck me. That's, and I got so lucky. The bus doesn't hurt my back or else I would have been so fucked. So, yeah, I mean, I just have to be much less fat. I'm trying to, I'm working on getting this stomach taken care of, just to the fact that I can just not be in pain.

• 1:30:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:17Stavros Halkias?

  And if you throw it out, it's like.

• 1:30:19Speaker 03

  No, it's.

• 1:30:19Stavros Halkias?

  Nothing worse.

• 1:30:20Speaker 03

  It ruins everything.

• 1:30:20Stavros Halkias?

  It's debilitating.

• 1:30:21Speaker 03

  It's horrendous.

• 1:30:23Stavros Halkias?

  You just feel like, oh, I'm useless.

• 1:30:24Speaker 03

  Last time I threw my back out, it's been thankfully like maybe eight years. I was just laying on my living room floor telling my wife to just shoot me. I don't even own a gun.

• 1:30:36Stavros Halkias?

  It's like someone could come in here and fuck my ass and there's nothing I can do.

• 1:30:42Speaker 04

  I'm so vulnerable, I'm so fuckable right now.

• 1:30:45Stavros Halkias?

  I am completely helpless, it sucks.

• 1:30:47Speaker 03

  I was pissing in Gatorade bottles because I couldn't get to the bathroom.

• 1:30:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's bad.

• 1:30:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, you have that, I just, I'm on the kidney stone wave.

• 1:30:54Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:30:55Stavros Halkias?

  You got kidney stones.

• 1:30:56Speaker 04

  I passed one at Bird's Nest.

• 1:30:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh wow, at the Bird's Nest? Damn, you hear it clink in the urinal?

• 1:31:02Speaker 04

  Dude, I saw it come out, like, you know, in Anaconda when it ate Owen Wilson? It was just like that. I'm not comparing my penis to an anaconda.

• 1:31:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, no, it was a very small pebble. But even that stretched your dick out. It was a, it was not, it was a, you know, millimeter, but you could see it.

• 1:31:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, I had a bunch of kidney stones.

• 1:31:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh really, we got Eldis too.

• 1:31:20Speaker 05

  I had a kidney, a bad one when I lived with Stav in Queens and I was just like...

• 1:31:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh hilarious. It powered off the second he started dating or talking.

• 1:31:30Speaker 03

  That was his reminder to hit record.

• 1:31:33Stavros Halkias?

  The fucking GoPro, his camera stopped the second he started talking.

• 1:31:38Speaker 04

  I'll just hold this up while I talk here.

• 1:31:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, backup, Eldis is using his own phone.

• 1:31:41Speaker 04

  The technology's advanced, it's like, I don't want to hear about this guy's fucking bladder.

• 1:31:44Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, whatever, fuck you, Eldis, tell, you know what, our next guest, our guest next week has some kidney stone issues as well.

• 1:31:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, PFTI is linked up, so we have like kidney, so we've had, both had kidney stones and it's literally like I'll have it and then he'll have it like two months.

• 1:31:57Speaker 04

  It's like chicks with their periods.

• 1:31:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, pretty much.

• 1:31:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hilarious, so we'll save your kidney stone anecdote for PFT. Fellas, thank you so much for coming, it was so fun.

• 1:32:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, I really appreciate it, thank you.

• 1:32:06Stavros Halkias?

  Anything you want, I'm obviously, you know, anus, PMT, the Yak, anything else you guys want to plug?

• 1:32:11Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:32:12Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, hell yeah, thanks for coming, boys, and we will talk to you guys next time, bye bye.

• 1:32:31Speaker 01

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper 7-Up Inc. Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. From roof repair to emergency plumbing and more. When you use Angie for your home projects, you know all your jobs will be done well. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your project at angie.com.