How To Embrace Your True Strength, Turn Your Pain Into Power & Create A Legacy

Leave an Amazon Rating or Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Three legendary figures reveal how fatherhood and family transformed their relationship with success and purpose. Matthew McConaughey shares the moment his relationship with Camila gave him courage to turn down millions in romantic comedies, leading to his Oscar-winning transformation, while confessing he wrote down 10 life goals at age 21 - including winning an Oscar before he was even acting. Kobe Bryant opens up about learning fundamentals after scoring zero points an entire summer at age 11, then using psychological warfare to elevate teammates and dominate opponents. Terry Crews delivers the most vulnerable story, describing his 30-year journey from an abused child in Flint to beating up his father at age 30, only to discover revenge solved nothing. Each man discovered that true strength comes not from individual dominance, but from the courage to serve something greater than themselves - whether through committed relationships, team excellence, or breaking generational cycles. Matthew’s book GreenlightsMatthew’s kids book Just BecauseKobe Bryant Dear BasketballTerry’s book Manhood: How to Be a Better Man-or Just Live with OneTerry’s audiobook Tough: My Journey to True PowerTerry’s kids book Terry's CrewIn this episode you will learn:How writing down your goals creates an invisible contract with your subconscious that works for decadesWhy the fundamentals beat natural talent when you commit to daily practice over yearsHow committed relationships give you more courage and creativity in your career, not lessThe psychology behind using work ethic as a weapon to mentally break down competitionWhy revenge fantasies destroy your soul even when you get the payback you wantedFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1784For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Matthew McConaughey – greatness.lnk.to/1422SCKobe Bryant – greatness.lnk.to/691SCTerry Crews – greatness.lnk.to/1258SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneymeasibook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment, moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode on the School of Greatness.

• 0:44Lewis Howes?

  Where do you think your life would have been in that year? Had you not had the loving, committed relationship, child as well, first child? Where do you think temptation would have led you? Or do you think you would have made the same decision with the sand in the ground? Or was it having a committed, conscious, loving relationship and partner and teammate that allowed you to have the courage to act with that line in the sand?

• 1:11Matthew McConaughey?

  Well, the only reason I pause here is because I'm trying to wonder how little of credit to give the relationship. Because I'm not going to say it's 100%, but it's up there. The relationship having her and now about to become a father, which was the only thing I ever wanted to be, had great resonance for me. I, one, had a relationship which gave me, just singularly with Camilla, gave me more license and courage to fly. But now I'm going to become immortal, so to speak, with a child coming into the world. It's one thing I ever dreamed of being, become a father. That's at the top of my list since I was a kid.

• 1:55Matthew McConaughey?

  Now I'm like, well, this is what I'm doing. This part of life has always taken precedent before anything I did since got famous, won this or won that. My career was always in front of a Hollywood career, always. That's what I mean by JK living. That's why JK, just keep living has always been sort of a mantra. What, at the end of the day, argue with that. End of the day, that wins out. I've always wanted to have a life that I'm leaving first.

• 2:27Matthew McConaughey?

  And I became an actor and a movie star and famous, but not, oh, I'm an actor, movie star and famous. So now what do I do? How do I live my life according to that? No, I wanted to keep those in order.

• 2:38Lewis Howes?

  If you didn't have that relationship at that time, what do you think would have happened?

• 2:41Matthew McConaughey?

  That's a good question. What would have happened?

• 2:44Lewis Howes?

  You think it would have been more tempting to take the money and let me just?

• 2:48Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, the nights would have been even longer. The, the, the, the, I think it would have definitely got more wobbly.

• 2:56Matthew McConaughey?

  I would have really had to.

• 3:00Matthew McConaughey?

  I mean, I believe I could have pulled it off. I'm glad I didn't have to find out if I could have pulled it off on my own. I might have, I might have run off to the monastery.

• 3:10Matthew McConaughey?

  And still be there.

• 3:13Matthew McConaughey?

  I, I, I, um. You know, or, because I had, I look, I had very somewhat reliable temptation from people very close to me going, what's your malfunction, bro?

• 3:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 3:27Matthew McConaughey?

  My brothers and family were like, what is your major malfunction? What are you doing? You own this land in the Rom, but why are you making a straight line crooked, which is lying on the other side? Why are you making this complicated? Do you know how many people would?

• 3:42Lewis Howes?

  Dream of this.

• 3:43Matthew McConaughey?

  Dream to even be doing this. And so I did have that understanding, which I bring up in the book, about being less impressive, more involved. I was very thankful. I was never disrespecting the Rom com. I was just like, I don't know. I didn't make this up, this feeling in me.

• 3:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you were a new season, new chapter.

• 3:59Matthew McConaughey?

  There's a new chapter to come. So I, what would I have been do, what would I have to be doing now? If I didn't have Camilla and she, she, we didn't have our first child on the way. I don't, I don't know. That two, that eight, that 20 months would have felt like 20 years.

• 4:13Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 4:13Matthew McConaughey?

  If I'd, if I'd have stuck with it. And would I have had the patience? Would I have had the fortitude? Would I have been able to stay still? In the long, lonely nights where I didn't feel like I had purpose. Or I didn't feel significant. Where I didn't have a newborn child in a relationship to look at and go. Cause I knew then, I was like, you put time into that, you cannot go wrong.

• 4:36Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 4:36Matthew McConaughey?

  I looked at my newborn child, I looked at him, I was like, you put time into this, you are in the black. You, there, there is no debit, no matter how, you can't overdo that.

• 4:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 4:45Matthew McConaughey?

  So that gave me something. If I didn't have that. No, I'm not sure, I'm not sure.

• 4:51Lewis Howes?

  Sixteen years you said you've been together, right?

• 4:52Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 4:53Lewis Howes?

  Sixteen years. There's a, there's a lot of men that are driven men. I'm in LA, so I see this in LA where they, they feel like they need to be single for a long time, or they need to jump from partner to partner, or have multiple partners at the same time, all these different things. No judgment, no right or wrong here, but I'm curious. What have you learned about sixteen years in a relationship that has taught you about how much more successful you can be in other areas of life?

• 5:18Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 5:19Lewis Howes?

  Versus single life when you were also extremely successful, but, but maybe there was something missing. You know, emotionally or spiritually.

• 5:26Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah. Well, I'm, I'm piggyback on where you first started. I don't, I've got friends that are poly. I've got friends that are perpetually single and

• 5:39Matthew McConaughey?

  to see them when they do pull it off and still have a healthy spirit and a healthy body and a healthy mind, I applaud it. Right on. I do, I have seen a lot of them have to, oh, I gotta recalibrate. I got, you know, I got, I got off, I got spread too thin.

• 5:57Lewis Howes?

  Energy everywhere.

• 5:58Matthew McConaughey?

  A bunch of little campfires, but no bonfires, right?

• 6:04Matthew McConaughey?

  You can do it. I think, I think a person can do it on their own. I think a person can do it in solitude. I think a person can do it even with a relationship with just themselves. If you it can be done.

• 6:20Matthew McConaughey?

  But when you have a relationship that you're committed to, that you wanna make work, that it's part of your and especially when you have a child that is not only you're committed to, is dependent on you. That goes to the top of the value system. And so, career choices can go into the two hole, or maybe the three hole. Now, I would argue that I got better at my career.

• 6:45Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 6:46Matthew McConaughey?

  When it went to the two and three hole and wasn't in the one hole.

• 6:48Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 6:49Matthew McConaughey?

  Because, I didn't, and I feared this, I was like,

• 6:55Matthew McConaughey?

  well, I was having a family and the fact that when we had kids, my wife said, if we have kids on one condition, Matthew, when you go, we go. So my family comes with me. She said that to me. I remember going through my mind, wait a minute. I'm an artist, I'm a lone wolf. When I go to work, I'm in my airstream all alone. It's me and my dog, maybe. But nobody else. And as I'm saying that in my head, this other little smarter voice comes in and goes, Nadja didn't say, yes ma'am. And I said, yes ma'am. It was the greatest decision I've ever made.

• 7:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 7:21Matthew McConaughey?

  Cause seeing my kids, or leaving before they woke up and seeing them when I got home after work, was the, was a beautiful energizing reset for me at the end of the day. That filled me up with real life and made me more creative.

• 7:33Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 7:34Matthew McConaughey?

  Going into work the next day. To tell a child, when you're doing something like True Detective and they go, what was the scene about today? And you go, I better tell a good parable, cause I can't tell them the real thing. It's some heavy R stuff, right? So I became a better storyteller and how I'd make it a nursery rhyme.

• 7:49Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 7:49Matthew McConaughey?

  Or something. Um, but you're living for something, for, for, for someone else and something more. And, you know, for Camilla and I, I'm living for the covenant that, for her and I, to do what we can to, to stay together and keep promoting e- e- each other and ourselves in a relationship. And then to have the kids, I'm living, you're living for something else. And that empowered me and made me better as an individual.

• 8:12Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 8:12Matthew McConaughey?

  And when I go out the door, I have more courage.

• 8:14Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 8:15Matthew McConaughey?

  Because I know I've got that stability at home.

• 8:18Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Where do you think you would have been if you would have been in a relationship, you know, five, 10 years prior?

• 8:22Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 8:23Lewis Howes?

  And it'd be 25 years opposed to 16. Do you think you would have been better in your career? Or you'd made that shift sooner? Or do you feel like, you know, being a lone wolf, you had its time and its place?

• 8:34Matthew McConaughey?

  I think it had its time and its place. I'm not arrogant enough to say, oh, if I go back and change time. Um, I mean, I've thought about that. I, I, I was with and dated seriously some, some wonderful women before I met Camilla. Um, I think it wasn't the time for me and it wasn't the time for them, for us to take it further. To take it as far as, say, getting married or something, but. You know, I often wonder, what if, what if it was, what if I felt like it was time? That I never did. What if I did?

• 9:08Matthew McConaughey?

  You know, do we meet the right person sometimes, but it's just not the time for us?

• 9:12Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 9:13Matthew McConaughey?

  Do we, or is it, it's, the, the two play, it's gotta be the right person and the right time for each person. But I, I, I know, I, I would, I cannot go back. You know, going forward is a mystery, looking back is a science. When I connect the dots, I don't dare to go back, though if I had changed 10 years earlier, I'm thinking about who I was dating. If we got married, I mean. Who, who, who knows, I, I don't think, I don't think it would have been the same realization 10 years earlier. I was a different man.

• 9:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Matthew McConaughey?

  I was, I was seeing the world differently.

• 9:45Matthew McConaughey?

  And we'll never know, but I, I don't, I think it was the right time for me when this happened. And my single years were the right amount of time for me when I was there. And those relationships before that, that ultimately ended, that was the right time for them to end.

• 10:02Lewis Howes?

  So how old were you when you met your wife?

• 10:04Matthew McConaughey?

  Sixteen, fifty-three, forty, thirty-seven.

• 10:08Lewis Howes?

  Thirty-seven, so when you were thirty-seven, before the moment you met her.

• 10:12Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 10:13Lewis Howes?

  I think you met her at a bar on Sunset.

• 10:14Matthew McConaughey?

  Club on Sunset.

• 10:15Lewis Howes?

  Stars Club on Sunset.

• 10:17Matthew McConaughey?

  Club.

• 10:17Lewis Howes?

  Let's call it that morning.

• 10:19Matthew McConaughey?

  Don't go to many clubs. Glad I went to the club this night.

• 10:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's good. Let's call it that morning or that season right before you met her.

• 10:26Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 10:27Lewis Howes?

  What was it that made you feel loved?

• 10:29Matthew McConaughey?

  Yep.

• 10:30Lewis Howes?

  Then?

• 10:30Matthew McConaughey?

  Yep.

• 10:31Lewis Howes?

  And what is it today that makes you feel the most loved today?

• 10:35Matthew McConaughey?

  Okay, what has it made me feel the most loved before?

• 10:38Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 10:38Matthew McConaughey?

  Than her? Okay. When I was spiritually strong. And look, I was.

• 10:47Matthew McConaughey?

  I had some relationships that were loving relationships that, or I loved the woman, she loved and cared for me. And those were real.

• 10:56Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 10:58Matthew McConaughey?

  I also had a season where.

• 11:03Matthew McConaughey?

  It was just affairs. It wasn't about love. It was lust.

• 11:07Lewis Howes?

  It's fun, yeah.

• 11:07Matthew McConaughey?

  It was fun and it was, it was healthily, it was a healthy, fun transaction and we laughed and kept it light and that was all we was ever gonna be and we're not even, you know, and that was okay too.

• 11:21Matthew McConaughey?

  I am happy to say that through most, most of that, I was able to keep somewhat spiritually strong.

• 11:26Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 11:29Lewis Howes?

  How did you say?

• 11:29Matthew McConaughey?

  And had no, and didn't really have trouble sleeping alone in my own bed. Cause I, I've had those times, I think we all have, if we've had this single life, where there's times where if you're, if you're rolling like that, especially if it's like affairs and flirt popping around here and there, boy, all of a sudden you end up in bed alone. You can't sleep. And you're like, whoa, wait a minute, now I'm the company I can't stand being with? If it's only me, that would always be a trigger for me, like, you better bend a knee and go.

• 12:01Lewis Howes?

  Go inward.

• 12:01Matthew McConaughey?

  Catch your breath and go inward here. So.

• 12:06Lewis Howes?

  So what made you feel the most loved before you met her?

• 12:09Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah, what was it? I mean.

• 12:12Lewis Howes?

  Was it the success or the, the fame?

• 12:14Matthew McConaughey?

  No.

• 12:14Lewis Howes?

  The chase? Was it the, you know?

• 12:16Matthew McConaughey?

  No, it wasn't the chase and catch. I knew what, I, I knew what that was. I, that, that always felt like a stop and not a stay.

• 12:27Matthew McConaughey?

  To me, it was a season.

• 12:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:29Matthew McConaughey?

  I understood it to be a season. And I gave myself freedom and license to have that season as healthily, as I, as, as I could.

• 12:41Matthew McConaughey?

  I don't think I was any more shallow.

• 12:45Matthew McConaughey?

  I didn't think, oh, this is all there is.

• 12:51Matthew McConaughey?

  I did have a dream where I thought, where I was eighty and eighty at your bachelor, but had a lot of children.

• 13:01Lewis Howes?

  You did?

• 13:02Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah, and it wasn't a nightmare.

• 13:03Lewis Howes?

  Eighty-eight year old bachelor? And you had a lot of children? And that wasn't a nightmare?

• 13:06Matthew McConaughey?

  Sitting on a porch and it wasn't a nightmare.

• 13:08Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 13:09Matthew McConaughey?

  And I woke up from that dream not going, yippee, that's what I'll do. I did wake up with it going,

• 13:19Matthew McConaughey?

  that's possible. And soon as I said, that's possible.

• 13:26Matthew McConaughey?

  I did quit looking so hard. And when I quit looking for her so hard, that's what you get. Because before that, I will say, in my thought of, I do want to find someone to fall in love with and start a family. I mean, every red light, bro. L.A. Possible, possible. Produce section, you know what I mean? Possible, boss, every, you know, you're just like- Yoga class, Whole Foods, wherever you want. Checking, you know, everywhere. And I was looking, I was leaning in, leaning in. And so, well, maybe that could work, like that script, well, maybe that could work.

• 14:07Matthew McConaughey?

  You know, and then when I had that dream, it did, it was like, oh, on a spiritual sense, I was like, well, you might end up being a BDO bachelor. And if you've got spiritually, if you're spiritually strong, your relationship with God's strong, that's, that's okay. It didn't make me go, that's what I want to do. But just saying that could be a reality for you. Let me exhale, and I quit looking everywhere and everywhere. I quit looking in the produce section, it was like, and I, what happens when you do that? You become more attractive. You allow yourself to be loved. You allow yourself to see someone who actually you might love. But mainly, you allow yourself to be someone that can be loved. And you're not selling, you're not soliciting yourself. You're not in a rush about anything. You want to meet somebody.

• 14:51Matthew McConaughey?

  You also, what you look at, you want to see how they move. How far back are the shoulders? How do they talk? What do they say in between the lines? Not what they say, what do they say in between the lines? And I remember when I saw Camilla walk across the club that night, it was the way she moved. I saw history, I saw dignity, I saw somebody that was not for sale. I saw somebody that, that, that, that didn't even, that, that when I called her over was not happy to meet me, wasn't overly, wasn't, wasn't impressed with my vocation. And she knew who I was. Wasn't impressed with that. She was about a lot more than that. So I my eyes were open to seeing what I wanted and needed.

• 15:31Matthew McConaughey?

  And I also was able to, in that moment, completely be myself, not oversell myself. Not undersell myself.

• 15:41Lewis Howes?

  Did you feel like you needed to oversell yourself before then? Even though you had all the success and the fame and the hits and the money and?

• 15:46Matthew McConaughey?

  I think I think when just it's a sped up process, you know? Especially if you're like, and you know, if it's a more of a string of short term relationships. It's like, it's not overselling, it's just like, let's skip the, let's skip a lot of the real stuff. Let's skip a lot of the, you know what I mean? I don't want to take that, come on, we're just here, we're laughing, we're having a good time, you know what I mean? Um, and that's all, that's all we're both in this for, so you know?

• 16:20Matthew McConaughey?

  So you speed up the process a little bit. So I don't know, when you say, what did I love? It wasn't my fame. Did I, did I feel more, did I feel more loved if my movie did well? And more people came up and was like, that was great? Sure, sure. But that was never my top source of affirmation of feeling loved.

• 16:44Matthew McConaughey?

  Did I feel less loved, movie bombed, or people were like, ah, sure? But that was never my, the, the source of my lack of confidence or lack of significance. It was, I mean, I was spiritual and then I always had, look, I always had family at this time. Being my brothers and my mom and stuff, there was always that.

• 17:03Matthew McConaughey?

  That I knew was a hundred percent reliable. Uh, but maybe I would say spiritual. And then your follow up question to what makes you feel more loved now?

• 17:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, when do you feel the most loved now?

• 17:13Matthew McConaughey?

  Oh, the good night group hug with my three kids and my, my wife. After we've just talked about what our day was like, what we're looking forward to tomorrow. And we've had a few fun disagreements and somebody said something real honest that you didn't have the courage to say maybe a week before. And for the first time, noticed that if they shared that, they weren't going to get in trouble. That they were just going. And to see them growing, going, you got the courage. We've, me and them to feel like a dad and go, me and your mother giving you a place to feel like you can go.

• 17:49Matthew McConaughey?

  We I I did like her and and and and my heart hurts because she doesn't like me. To be able to for a child to be able to say that to you. It's like, okay, we're doing something right. There we go. That's a feeling. Of love to have an honest talk, not just about all of the happy times, but about the stuff that sucks in my kids' lives as well. And even from my wife to share it and it not be like dun, da, da, da.

• 18:11Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 18:12Matthew McConaughey?

  To be like, yep, we're going through this. And one thing we know is we're going through it together.

• 18:16Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 18:17Matthew McConaughey?

  That that that's.

• 18:18Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. That's beautiful. One of the things that you talk about. It in the book in the last couple of pages was this list of goals that you wrote down.

• 18:29Matthew McConaughey?

  Hmm.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  One of them.

• 18:32Matthew McConaughey?

  Isn't that wild?

• 18:33Lewis Howes?

  Ten goals in life, nineteen ninety two.

• 18:35Matthew McConaughey?

  Ninety two.

• 18:36Lewis Howes?

  One of them, becoming a father and and number two, finding and keeping the woman for me, the woman for me.

• 18:41Matthew McConaughey?

  Yep.

• 18:41Lewis Howes?

  Um, and you had ten of them. I'm curious. How important is it to write down our visions, our dreams, our goals? In order to manifest what we want in our lives, because this whole book is a.

• 18:54Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 18:55Lewis Howes?

  A journal of you writing down.

• 18:56Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  Everything.

• 18:57Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 18:57Lewis Howes?

  And all ten of these, you you've accomplished all of them. And you're still accomplishing and living into them.

• 19:03Matthew McConaughey?

  Yep.

• 19:04Lewis Howes?

  So how important is it to write down our dreams, our goals, our values in order to manifest and attract them?

• 19:10Matthew McConaughey?

  I think it's a lot more important than we give it credit for. Look, writing things down, it seems like this old fashioned sort of archaic things. Type it on a screen, put it on, put it in a word doc, save it, put in a folder.

• 19:24Matthew McConaughey?

  It it can be lost back there to actually write it with the hand.

• 19:30Matthew McConaughey?

  Does is a different kind of objectivity you get. Because it's come out of you, you've put it down. Now you're looking at it's outside of you. It's freed up now. It's alive. It's moving now. More so than having that goal by your bedside every night.

• 19:48Matthew McConaughey?

  Which is, can be good.

• 19:51Matthew McConaughey?

  But to write it down, if you're writing down true goals, they're, they become written in your lineage, they become written in your body. Whether you know it or not, in your subconscious, they exist. It's a way to get it into your subconscious, to write it down. Now it's out of me, it's on a page, I'm objectifying it now, I'm looking at it. So now I'm having a dialogue where before it was just Socratic. But now I'm having a dialogue and it starts to reciprocate. Those 10 goals, I wrote those down in the top bunk in the Dell House, University of Texas, 1992, my roommate was Monty Wills. I remember the night I wrote them down.

• 20:25Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 20:26Matthew McConaughey?

  I never looked at them again.

• 20:29Matthew McConaughey?

  I found those in writing this book and found out that, oh my gosh, all 10 you actually did and, and, and four you're still doing.

• 20:35Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy.

• 20:36Matthew McConaughey?

  I never looked at them again.

• 20:37Lewis Howes?

  30 years later, you found them.

• 20:38Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 20:39Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy. But they all happened.

• 20:42Matthew McConaughey?

  They all happened.

• 20:45Matthew McConaughey?

  I don't think they happened if I don't write them down, I don't think. They do.

• 20:51Matthew McConaughey?

  So, that practice of writing something down that you into, that you want, or that you yearn for, and to add to it, or subtract from it along the way if you want to, or just write it down, fold it up, tuck it away, so you can find it 30 years later when you go, wanna share a journal, or write something about it.

• 21:15Matthew McConaughey?

  Like I did. Um, I don't think it happens, but then just go back and see the invisible contract I made with myself.

• 21:22Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, I love that.

• 21:24Matthew McConaughey?

  Cause obviously I did, cause I mean, I, those 10, people go, you've done all 10, I said, well, no, I'm in the middle, I'm still, I have to maintain, I'm still maintaining for them, but I have engaged. Some of them I've just done. But I have engaged, I am in full engagement with all of them. And...

• 21:40Lewis Howes?

  Well, it's an invisible contract until it becomes a physical written contract.

• 21:43Matthew McConaughey?

  Right.

• 21:44Lewis Howes?

  You know.

• 21:44Matthew McConaughey?

  But it's with yourself, I guess. It becomes, there's an invisible way it becomes subconsciously non-negotiable with yourself.

• 21:51Lewis Howes?

  And here's the interesting thing, on this, is this the exact image or is this a recreated image?

• 21:56Matthew McConaughey?

  No, that's it.

• 21:56Lewis Howes?

  This is the photo of it?

• 21:58Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 21:59Lewis Howes?

  You signed it.

• 22:00Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 22:00Lewis Howes?

  And that's what I think is actually really important because you did create a contract with self.

• 22:04Matthew McConaughey?

  Right.

• 22:04Lewis Howes?

  You signed the goals at the bottom. You have 10 goals in life. Nine, one, ninety-two, and you bottom, at the bottom, you signed it. And I think that's really important in creating a, you know, this contract with self is putting your name on something that you write down from the ideas in your mind into paper so that you can actualize this in life. And I think that's what's beautiful. And. You were like, what, 20 years old when you did this?

• 22:27Matthew McConaughey?

  Twenty, twenty-one, and, and folks, anyone who thinks, oh, that sounds like, you know, Mike Tyson talking about Mike Tyson when he's himself on it to a third person. Do it. Don't worry. Sign your stuff to yourself. You know what I mean? Write, just write to yourself and sign it. It's a great practice to do, you know, you are then, you are then getting a third person objective view of yourself. Where, so you will have a better chance of subjectively creating those and activating those things and having them happen.

• 22:57Lewis Howes?

  One of the things in here, um, number seven, stay close to mom and family. I know there was a period, I think you said six or eight years where you pulled away from your mom. I think you're still close with your brother, but you pulled back because she was kind of.

• 23:09Matthew McConaughey?

  Loving my fame.

• 23:10Lewis Howes?

  Loving the fame and it was making it about her as opposed to supporting your son.

• 23:15Lewis Howes?

  So that was something that kind of came and went and you, you danced with, but you know, now it seems like you guys are, you know, in a great place.

• 23:21Matthew McConaughey?

  She's living with us four years now. She's ninety-one.

• 23:23Lewis Howes?

  And then also you had number eight, won an Oscar for the best actor. How do you at twenty, twenty-one?

• 23:29Matthew McConaughey?

  That's.

• 23:30Lewis Howes?

  Write down a goal of winning an Oscar when I think.

• 23:31Matthew McConaughey?

  And I wasn't even acting at that time.

• 23:33Lewis Howes?

  That's nuts. You didn't even do the first movie yet?

• 23:36Matthew McConaughey?

  No.

• 23:38Lewis Howes?

  Why did that come in your mind? Why was that even a thought, a dream, a goal?

• 23:43Matthew McConaughey?

  So, this is, I believe, right after I had, soon after I had called my father to say, I don't want to go to law school anymore. I want to go to film school. Now, I'm looking back.

• 23:52Lewis Howes?

  And he said a great line back to you.

• 23:54Matthew McConaughey?

  He said a great line.

• 23:55Lewis Howes?

  He said, "Don't half ass it."

• 23:55Matthew McConaughey?

  Don't half ass it.

• 23:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:57Matthew McConaughey?

  Which was three, whatever, four, however many words, it's the best words I've ever heard. From the man who I ultimately really wanted my ultimate approval from. And he didn't give me, he gave me a lot more than approval with that line. He gave me a kick in the backside, privilege, freedom, responsibility, kick, go do it.

• 24:16Matthew McConaughey?

  And I suppose, I know consciously, but probably subconsciously too, there's things that I've done where I wanted to let something slide. And those words came in my mind, I was like, uh-uh, no way.

• 24:28Matthew McConaughey?

  That'd be half assing it. So those words have lived with me.

• 24:33Matthew McConaughey?

  I, I decided I want to go to film school.

• 24:38Matthew McConaughey?

  And I went back through these journals and I find something like that. I was like,

• 24:42Matthew McConaughey?

  dude, you always wanted to be an actor.

• 24:44Lewis Howes?

  Oh, interesting.

• 24:45Matthew McConaughey?

  Like, you just wouldn't admit it. And I remember always being sheepish about, someone go like, well, you just want to, want you to perform. I'm like, nah, nah, I do, I do, I do. Something about it, and I had felt fraudulent then. Something about being behind the camera to go to director's school, learning story, felt like, well, that's my, I'll sneak in the back door to the acting, right? But that's the better way. And I, I'm glad I went that path. But I think I wanted to, and I'm talking to my buddy Rob Benner, who I bring up often in this book about it. And he was like, yeah, you were wanting to, he reminded me of talks we'd have late night. And he was already NYU film school. He was like, reminding me of, yeah, you were already wanting to at this time, when you first went to film school.

• 25:30Matthew McConaughey?

  So, I write that down to myself. I'm not afraid to write it down to myself, but I'm afraid to say anything like that out loud. I'm not, I'm afraid to even say, I'm interested in going into acting at this point.

• 25:42Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 25:43Matthew McConaughey?

  But yet, I write down, I want to win an Oscar for that.

• 25:46Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy.

• 25:49Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So when you saw this paper, you'd already won.

• 25:54Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 25:54Lewis Howes?

  These goals.

• 25:55Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 25:55Lewis Howes?

  You know, for the first time after, I guess, on close to thirty years, you'd won it, I think, I don't know, six, seven years prior to that.

• 26:01Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah.

• 26:04Lewis Howes?

  What did that feel like when you read this and you saw win an Oscar for Best Actor?

• 26:07Matthew McConaughey?

  Oh, I read, I was like, ah, you can't get out of here, Camilla, check this out. Are you kidding me?

• 26:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 26:17Matthew McConaughey?

  And then I went, whoop, right back to the night. I remember sitting in the top bunk.

• 26:23Matthew McConaughey?

  We'd just come from the arcade, me and Monty Wills, my roommate, he was in the bottom bunk, I was in the top bunk. Like a Tuesday night.

• 26:31Matthew McConaughey?

  I've been journaling, I wrote in this little journal, and I remember.

• 26:38Matthew McConaughey?

  That night.

• 26:40Matthew McConaughey?

  Other people were actually going out for a late, we'd been out, kind of partying, other people went to the next party. And I decided to come home and sort of Monty.

• 26:48Matthew McConaughey?

  I was in the top bunk, I had compressed my teeth, went up. From shores, kind of bed, kind of covers set up there, and I have a little window right here, and I have my little diary on the little window sill with a pen.

• 26:58Lewis Howes?

  Bunk bed?

• 26:59Matthew McConaughey?

  Yeah, that we made, we made these bunk, we were the first bunk beds in the Dell House. And, um. Pulled over and I wrote it, and I think I had, I think I even, um. A form of a headlamp, if they even had headlamps, I loved headlamps, still do love headlamps. Um, and written that, and I wrote that down.

• 27:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Curious, if you didn't create this contract for yourself, do you think you would have accomplished all ten of these goals and dreams for your life? Or would some of them maybe fallen through the cracks because you didn't create that, turn the invisible contract into a physical written contract and make it real?

• 27:35Matthew McConaughey?

  I don't know, I mean, I have to believe that writing them down.

• 27:40Matthew McConaughey?

  So consciously led to me, actually, I, I knew what they were. I couldn't recite it to you, because I never looked at them again, but I knew what they were.

• 27:52Lewis Howes?

  Who was more influential for you, your father or mother?

• 27:56Kobe Bryant?

  Both were influential at different points. Right, my mom was there on a daily basis. My father was really influential at a really critical time where I had a summer where I played basketball when I was like 10 or 11 years old. In a very prominent summer league in Philadelphia called the Sunny Hill League. Where my father played, my uncle played, and they were like all-time greats and such stuff. Wilt Chamberlain played in the league, you know, Earl the Pro Man role played in the league. And here I come, playing and I don't score one point the entire summer.

• 28:29Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 28:29Kobe Bryant?

  Not one.

• 28:30Lewis Howes?

  How old were you?

• 28:31Kobe Bryant?

  11, 10, 11.

• 28:32Lewis Howes?

  And you're playing against other 10, 11-year-olds, or you didn't score once?

• 28:35Kobe Bryant?

  Not one.

• 28:35Lewis Howes?

  Were you in the game?

• 28:36Kobe Bryant?

  I was in the game.

• 28:37Lewis Howes?

  How'd you not score?

• 28:38Kobe Bryant?

  Because I was terrible.

• 28:39Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 28:40Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah.

• 28:41Lewis Howes?

  At 10, 11 years old, you were that terrible?

• 28:43Kobe Bryant?

  Awful, I mean, and I had these big kneepads on because I was growing really fast. I have socks all the way up here and I had like the pod tops.

• 28:50Lewis Howes?

  Skinny.

• 28:51Kobe Bryant?

  Like skinny as hell. And I scored not a free throw, not a, nothing, not a lucky shot, not a breakaway layup, zero points. And I remember crying about it and being upset about it. And my father just gave me a hug and said, "Listen, whether you score zero or score 60, I'm gonna love you no matter what."

• 29:08Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 29:09Kobe Bryant?

  Now, that is the most important thing that you can say to a child. Because from there, I was like, "Okay." It gives me all the confidence in the world to fail. I have the security there. But to hell with that, I'm scoring 60. Let's go.

• 29:22Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 29:23Kobe Bryant?

  Right, and from there, I just went to work. I just stayed with it, I kept practicing, kept practicing, kept practicing.

• 29:28Lewis Howes?

  Is that when you think the mentality of hard work started to come in for you at that age? When you failed so miserably, I guess, that summer?

• 29:36Kobe Bryant?

  I think that's when the idea of understanding a long-term view became important. Because I wasn't going to catch these kids in a week. I wasn't going to catch them in a year. Right, so that's when I sat down and said, "Okay, this is going to take some thought." Right, what I want to work on first? All right, shooting, all right, let's knock this out. Let's focus on this half a year, six months, do nothing but shoot. Right, after that, all right, creating your own shot and you focus. So you start, I started creating a menu of things. When I came back the next summer, I was a little bit better. Right.

• 30:05Lewis Howes?

  I meant you mean like I've got my jump shot from 15, I've got my.

• 30:08Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah, I got my jump shot from 15, I got my three point shot, like just open shots. Not miss open shots, right? Be able to shoot it with speed because those kids are so much more athletic.

• 30:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:17Kobe Bryant?

  And then the next time I came back, it was a little better. The summer came back, the next time I was a little better, I scored. Yeah. It wasn't much, but I scored.

• 30:24Lewis Howes?

  Missed 12, 13.

• 30:25Kobe Bryant?

  12, 13. Then 14 came around, back half of 13, 14 years old, and then I was just killing everyone. And it happened in two years. And I wasn't expecting it to happen in two years, but it did because what I had to do was work on the basics and the fundamentals. Well, they relied on their athleticism and their natural ability. And because I stick to the fundamentals, it just caught up to them. And then my body, you know, my knees stopped hurting, I grew into my frame and.

• 30:53Lewis Howes?

  And then your athleticism, once you have the fundamentals, the hard work, the mindset, and you tack on the athleticism, it's game over.

• 31:00Kobe Bryant?

  Then it was game over.

• 31:01Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So from 13, you're good, average still?

• 31:07Kobe Bryant?

  I was good, I was good. And then about, about like the end of my, like right when I was turning 14, I became the best player in the state.

• 31:13Lewis Howes?

  At 14?

• 31:14Kobe Bryant?

  At 14.

• 31:15Lewis Howes?

  So from 12 to 14, you went from scoring zero to being the best in the state of all ages?

• 31:20Kobe Bryant?

  Yep. But it's, it's simple. Like if you do the math on this, right? Like if you, if you're thinking about how often kids are playing. Right? I tell this to my, to my daughter and my daughter's team as well that I coach. It's a simple thing of math. If you want to be a great player, if you play every single day, two, three hours, every single day, over the course of a year, how much better are you getting? Most kids will play maybe, you know, an hour and a half, two days a week.

• 31:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 31:46Kobe Bryant?

  Do the math on that. It's not, it's not going, it's not going to get it done. It's not going to get it done, right? So if you're obsessively, obsessively training, two, three hours every single day over a year, over two years.

• 31:58Lewis Howes?

  You're going to accelerate.

• 31:59Kobe Bryant?

  You make quantum leaps, man.

• 32:00Lewis Howes?

  Just doing a summer camp for two weeks, you, you see a difference. I remember playing basketball.

• 32:05Kobe Bryant?

  You see it.

• 32:06Lewis Howes?

  You get a lot better, you come back more confident, playing on the playground with guys who used to beat you.

• 32:10Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah. And I, and I tell the parents with my team, I said, it's, it's when I say, your kids are going to become great basketball players. And they're like, really? Yeah, it's not. There's no.

• 32:19Lewis Howes?

  It's math.

• 32:19Kobe Bryant?

  It's it.

• 32:20Lewis Howes?

  Show up every single day.

• 32:21Kobe Bryant?

  Show up every single day, do the work.

• 32:24Lewis Howes?

  There's a beautiful story that I love from Jay Williams. I don't know if you remember Jay Williams. Where he did an interview a while back and he talked about how when he played you, I think the first time, or one of the first times he played against you, he was, he was like, I'm gonna show up so early to the court to warm up and practice like before anyone. And he shows up at the court, I don't know if it was in LA or where I was, and you were the only one there. Already shooting free throws, already doing your fundamentals. And he goes, I'm gonna stay here until Kobe leaves. And then he was like, gosh, an hour and a half, two hours later.

• 32:54Kobe Bryant?

  I gotta go.

• 32:54Lewis Howes?

  I'm tired. And Kobe's still shooting free throws, scoring, like just going over the fundamentals. And he goes, and then we played that game and you were lights out. And he came up to you afterwards and said like, dude, why were you in there for so long and how'd you do it? And he said, this is what he said, you said, I knew you were watching and I wanted to show you that I was willing to outwork you.

• 33:14Kobe Bryant?

  Right.

• 33:14Lewis Howes?

  Something along those lines.

• 33:15Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:16Lewis Howes?

  I don't know if you remember this.

• 33:17Kobe Bryant?

  I remember that.

• 33:17Lewis Howes?

  You remember, yeah.

• 33:18Kobe Bryant?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:18Lewis Howes?

  And I thought that was so powerful that you have this mindset, but how did you develop that? I don't know if that's what you call a Mamba mindset, but how did you develop that? And when did it start?

• 33:29Kobe Bryant?

  It started in, in middle school and high school. Because a lot of the kids that I was playing against were inner-city kids. And so they're looking at me as if, okay, this kid's soft, right? He's from the suburbs of Philadelphia, his father played in the NBA, played professionally.

• 33:45Lewis Howes?

  He's got it easy.

• 33:46Kobe Bryant?

  Got it easy, born on second, you know, all this other stuff, right? And so it felt like they could try to be physical or try to intimidate me and do all sorts of stuff, which they couldn't. Right? But now I'm saying, okay, well, you're trying to attack me, how am I gonna attack you? How can I mentally figure out ways to break you down? How can I show you that, no, I have the edge? Right? And so that's when it first started for me, is figuring out how to get the upper hand on an opponent that way.

• 34:11Lewis Howes?

  And what would you do to mentally break people down then?

• 34:14Kobe Bryant?

  Well, I mean, you know, like, we used to have an All-American camp that I used to go to. And, you know, at the time, I first showed I was a sophomore. And one of the things I would do is, everybody would be at the cafeteria, we're, you know, eating and doing all sorts of stuff. I'd just go back to the gym.

• 34:30Lewis Howes?

  They'd be resting.

• 34:33Kobe Bryant?

  And they'd see me leave, right? But now you're in a tough position because you're like, okay, I want to be like, I'm following the kid to go work out, but I know he's working, he's up early and he's doing all this stuff. And so that was my way of showing them, yeah, I may be from the suburbs, but you're not going to outwork me.

• 34:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 34:51Kobe Bryant?

  And I'm mentally going to.

• 34:53Lewis Howes?

  Did someone teach you that? Was that just a thing that you decided like, I'm going to get in people's minds?

• 34:58Kobe Bryant?

  Um, I think it's just, it's just figuring out ways to, to, to be better and, and to win the game. And it started as a defense mechanism because, you know, they were the ones talking trash to me and, you know, kid from Italy, blah, blah, blah, and all sorts of stuff. It was like, okay, I gotta, I can't let them, I gotta defend myself here, right? And then it became, okay, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm pretty witty. I can say some pretty witty things.

• 35:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And in Italian.

• 35:23Kobe Bryant?

  And in Italian, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:25Lewis Howes?

  It's interesting, you know, I never, I never was physically gifted to, uh, an extreme level. I was always really good, but I was never like the fastest or biggest or strongest. But I remember my edge was I'm not going to go party and I'm not going to drink alcohol.

• 35:38Kobe Bryant?

  Right.

• 35:39Lewis Howes?

  So I've never been drunk still because I was like, I need every edge. When guys were out partying late at night who were better than me and drinking and showing up hungover, I was like, I'm going to be more focused and have clearer vision. And, um, but I wasn't waking up at 4 a.m. like you, so.

• 35:54Kobe Bryant?

  Well, that's, that's interesting because like when I, when I played, um, one of the things that I had to learn is how to get the best out of my teammates.

• 36:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:03Kobe Bryant?

  And most people think it's a simple thing, you know, passing the ball, you know, but that's not how you make guys better. You have to really affect their behavior.

• 36:11Lewis Howes?

  How do you do that?

• 36:12Kobe Bryant?

  So, you know, like, you know, I would tell guys, you know, we got back to backs, you know, I don't care if we're in Miami, I don't care if we're in a great city of Chicago, you can't go out, we got to get rest, right?

• 36:22Lewis Howes?

  Back to back games.

• 36:23Kobe Bryant?

  Back to back games, right? Monday, Tuesday, play Monday and play again Tuesday. Guys aren't going to listen, right?

• 36:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:28Kobe Bryant?

  So a few times, hey, all right, we'll all go out.

• 36:32Kobe Bryant?

  We'll go out together.

• 36:33Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 36:33Kobe Bryant?

  I'm, I'll drink with you, right? But the next morning, I'm banging on your door at five in the morning. Let's go.

• 36:41Lewis Howes?

  They're not getting.

• 36:41Kobe Bryant?

  Where are we going? I hung out with you, now you come hang out with me.

• 36:45Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 36:45Kobe Bryant?

  This is what we do, alright, let's go. And we're at the gym, we're working out, right? We hit the bus, we go to practice, we play that night.

• 36:51Lewis Howes?

  And they're dead.

• 36:52Kobe Bryant?

  And they're dead, and they're like, lesson learned. Lesson learned.

• 36:55Lewis Howes?

  You take them out once.

• 36:56Kobe Bryant?

  Listen, if you're gonna do that, do that. But don't let that compromise what we're here to do.

• 37:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 37:02Kobe Bryant?

  This is why we're here, this is why you're here in the first place.

• 37:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:05Kobe Bryant?

  Right?

• 37:05Lewis Howes?

  And if we're gonna win a championship, we have to have that championship mentality.

• 37:08Kobe Bryant?

  That's it.

• 37:09Lewis Howes?

  Work ethic.

• 37:09Kobe Bryant?

  That's it, so you gotta show them, no, Kobe can do that and still has the energy to get up and do this. So either I gotta meet that same energy, or I gotta keep my butt in my room.

• 37:16Lewis Howes?

  Go to bed early, yeah. Wow, what are some other things you did to rise the level of your teammates? What are some other ways that you can? And what do you think people can do in general with the business team or any sports team?

• 37:28Kobe Bryant?

  I think you have to, you have to listen, and you have to pay attention to, to what your colleagues or teammates are saying. And what are certain things that drive them, certain things that motivate them, that trigger them. And one of my favorite ones, Pal hates it every time I tell this story, he hates it, he hates it. But we, we lost to the Celtics in '08. And it was a physical series, I mean, they beat the crap out of us.

• 37:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:51Kobe Bryant?

  And so, we go into the Olympic year, that year, we wound up playing Spain for the gold medal match. And we beat them. And so now we come back to start training camp, and Pal shows up, first day of, of training camp. I had my gold medal hanging in his locker.

• 38:04Lewis Howes?

  Oh no.

• 38:06Kobe Bryant?

  And he, I mean, like, the one thing that he truly, truly loves is this country.

• 38:11Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 38:11Kobe Bryant?

  That is like, everything to him. So it just drove him crazy.

• 38:16Lewis Howes?

  Oh my gosh.

• 38:16Kobe Bryant?

  I said, Pal, listen. He said, you're an asshole, blah, blah, blah. I said, listen, Pal, you lost to the Celtics, you lost to us in a gold medal match. Let's not make this three in a row this year.

• 38:27Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 38:28Kobe Bryant?

  Let's win this thing. And that was, that was it for him.

• 38:32Lewis Howes?

  And he probably stepped up at a whole other level.

• 38:33Kobe Bryant?

  Well, he, you know, Pal was a phenomenon to begin with. And then for him, was just stepping up to a level of physicality.

• 38:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:41Kobe Bryant?

  That we needed him to get to, which he did, and we went on to win back-to-back championships.

• 38:45Lewis Howes?

  My man.

• 38:46Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:47Lewis Howes?

  How important is understanding human psychology and human behavior to work with a team? As opposed to just relying on your gifts and talents?

• 38:55Kobe Bryant?

  It's probably the most important thing. You know, when you're in this culture in our society, you can do some phenomenal things individually. But they'll never reach their full potential unless you do them collectively. You have to figure out how to do that. And you know, Phil Jackson was great at that. Phil, he wouldn't just coach the team or coach the game. But he'd read everything about every single player. You learn about your history, how you grew up, how you were raised, where were you raised? He'll read every interview and he'll learn about you. And gives him a better understanding of what's motivating you. What your insecurities are, right? And then it just helps him communicate with you better.

• 39:40Kobe Bryant?

  Or even push a button here if he needs to.

• 39:42Lewis Howes?

  When did you learn that it was important to understand who your teammates are? What their likes or dislikes are? Was that in high school for you or more?

• 39:50Kobe Bryant?

  No, I learned it from Phil. There was a stretch in '03 where Shaq was out with an injury. And Phil called me up to his office and said, okay, we need you to really turn on the afterburners. Start scoring a lot if you have to win. So I did, and I wound up scoring, I think it was nine straight games with 40 plus points.

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  Nine straight?

• 40:12Kobe Bryant?

  Nine straight games. And then Shaq comes back, second to last game of that. And then Phil calls me up to his office and says, Kobe, okay, I need you to dial it back. I'm like, why? Like, we're winning. I don't understand. It's because our goal is to win a championship. And we can get through the Western Conference with you playing this way. But in the East, you know, we can dominate them inside with Shaq in the post. But if you continue to do this, we'll lose Shaq. We'll lose him.

• 40:42Lewis Howes?

  His motivation, his excitement.

• 40:44Kobe Bryant?

  What triggers him, right? So I need you to pull back so we can pull Shaq forward for June.

• 40:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 40:51Kobe Bryant?

  And I just looked at him like, this is a smart dude.

• 40:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's really smart.

• 40:57Kobe Bryant?

  He's one smart dude, man. So I pulled it back.

• 40:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 41:00Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah.

• 41:01Lewis Howes?

  What do you think was been the greatest challenge you've had since leaving the game?

• 41:07Kobe Bryant?

  The greatest challenge?

• 41:14Lewis Howes?

  I think it's, you know, you won an Oscar, you're launching podcasts and shows and you got a book coming out.

• 41:21Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah, but it's, it's, it's different though. Like, you know, we were just talking about it here in the office the other day. You know, when you play the game, you hit a game winning shot, you miss a shot, the reaction's there. You can see how people responding to it, right? You can feel it.

• 41:38Lewis Howes?

  The energy is like.

• 41:39Kobe Bryant?

  The energy is there. What I do now, you don't. Like, I don't see how people are affected by your basketball. Or, you know, creating the punies and you put it out there. Like, I wish I could see a car ride of a family the first time their daughter hears Lily's Lemonade and what she's doing, you know, she's singing along to it. That's not there, right? So that's the, the challenge. That's the one thing that I miss is being able to feed off of the energy.

• 42:04Lewis Howes?

  The instant feedback you get from shoot, missing or scoring a shot, winning or losing a game. It's like, either way, you're getting a, a result, right?

• 42:11Kobe Bryant?

  Yes, yes. That's the one thing. And I went to, because I spent a lot of time with mentors as well. Up at Pixar and Disney Studios have been absolutely wonderful animation, Disney Animation. And I talked to them about Frozen and Moana and how our kids love them. And they're always like, oh, that's awesome. And they want to hear, because they don't ever get a chance to truly see it. Like, they're not.

• 42:32Lewis Howes?

  They're not sitting in the movie theater like.

• 42:33Kobe Bryant?

  No, no. And they don't have time to go to Disneyland and walk around the park and see how many families are enjoying the content that they've created because they're busy making the next.

• 42:41Lewis Howes?

  Creating.

• 42:42Kobe Bryant?

  Yes, yes. So that, that's the one thing.

• 42:44Lewis Howes?

  What do you think the biggest challenge is for most athletes after they retire?

• 42:49Kobe Bryant?

  I think it's the fear of, of starting anew. And that was certainly, uh, present for me as well.

• 42:54Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 42:55Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah.

• 42:55Lewis Howes?

  Like, identity, you mean, or?

• 42:56Kobe Bryant?

  Well, it's, it's starting from scratch, right? Because when you, when you play for 20 years, I played for 20 years, you reach a certain level. You're like, okay, wait a minute. I have to start again at the base of a mountain and try to climb the top of this mountain. First of all, what mountain am I climbing? I don't even know, like, what the hell am I going to be doing? It'd be, it's very, it's very scary. It's very scary.

• 43:17Lewis Howes?

  Even for you?

• 43:18Kobe Bryant?

  Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And the thing that helped me actually was hurting my Achilles. Because that forced me to sit there and say, okay, the day could be today that your career's over.

• 43:30Lewis Howes?

  At any time, when you were playing, you mean, yeah?

• 43:32Kobe Bryant?

  Now, what do you do? You have these ideas about doing something with your life after basketball. But what if today is the day that you, that's it. Now what do you do? So I had all this time sitting there with my Achilles injury and contemplating and thinking. And I said, I better get to work.

• 43:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 43:50Kobe Bryant?

  That was that.

• 43:52Lewis Howes?

  What was the vision for you afterwards then? Was it to do what you're doing now? Did you have other ideas or what is, what's the vision?

• 43:58Kobe Bryant?

  I struggled with it at first because the first question I asked, which is the wrong question is, what's the biggest industry I can get into?

• 44:05Lewis Howes?

  Was it more money thinking or?

• 44:07Kobe Bryant?

  Money thinking, saying, okay, athletes are saying you can't make more revenue when you retire. This is your source of your income is here. Saying, okay, that's a challenge. What can I do? And I remember going for.

• 44:19Lewis Howes?

  Didn't you launch a fund or something?

• 44:20Kobe Bryant?

  I did, I did. And so I started, I went for a ride and I said, okay, stop thinking of it that way. You're thinking of it the wrong way. Why did you start playing basketball? Because I loved it. All right, what do you love to do? Oh, I love to tell stories. All right, let's do that. And then that's where it started for me. And then on top of that, it became things like, you know, you started learning more about the financial industry and about players going broke once they retire and saying, okay, how can I, how can I minimize the chances of that happening? What are the things that I can do to invest my money smartly? Also help control some of that outcome to a certain extent.

• 44:59Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:00Kobe Bryant?

  And that's when I called Mike Rapoli. Mike Rapoli was an entrepreneur who built Vitamin Water, Pirate's Boot and some other companies. And started learning from him. And then from that came the opportunity to invest in body armor.

• 45:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:14Kobe Bryant?

  And which, yeah, which.

• 45:16Lewis Howes?

  It's delicious.

• 45:19Kobe Bryant?

  But all that came from the injury and really having to self-assess. And, you know, face that, that really dark room of what comes next.

• 45:28Lewis Howes?

  Storytelling is something you're really passionate about. What's a story over your life that's been a constant theme that you go back to? Is there something you heard as a kid that you, that really resonates with you? Or a book or a movie that just feels like this is me?

• 45:44Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah, that's funny. Movies are plenty, but there's a quote from one of my English teachers at Little Merian named Mr. Fisk. He had a great quote that said, rest at the end, not in the middle. And that's something I always live by. You know, I'm not gonna rest, I'm gonna keep on pushing now. There are a lot of answers that I don't have, even questions that I don't have. But I'm just gonna keep going, just gonna keep going, and I'll figure these things out as we go. Right? And you just continue to build that way. So I try to live by that all the time.

• 46:17Lewis Howes?

  Rest at the end.

• 46:18Kobe Bryant?

  Rest at the end.

• 46:18Lewis Howes?

  What's the question that eats you alive the most that you haven't answered yet?

• 46:25Kobe Bryant?

  The question that eats me alive that I haven't answered yet.

• 46:28Lewis Howes?

  That you're still looking for the answer.

• 46:29Kobe Bryant?

  I'm still looking for the answer. How to tell a good story?

• 46:35Kobe Bryant?

  I don't think anybody has that answer. You know, like when I sat down to write Dear Basketball, I was like, okay, what do I want to say?

• 46:44Kobe Bryant?

  And you have certain acts and how you can structure certain things, right? The ebbs and flows of story.

• 46:52Kobe Bryant?

  Certain formulas that have been there since the beginning of time. But it's such an in that inexact.

• 46:57Lewis Howes?

  So challenging, yeah.

• 46:59Kobe Bryant?

  Right? And so that one question is really interesting.

• 47:03Lewis Howes?

  Why do you want to tell a great story?

• 47:06Kobe Bryant?

  I think stories is what moves the world. Whether it's an inspirational story, it's an informational one. Nothing in this world moves without story. You know, from the political world, sports world, nothing that we have moves without story. And so I think that is the root of everything. And if we're gonna try to make the world a better place, story's the right place to start.

• 47:36Lewis Howes?

  You were the epitome of the tough, strong, bodybuilder, football guy for a long time. And you portrayed this image in movies, TV, and all these different things.

• 47:49Lewis Howes?

  Why do you feel like you had that anger inside of you? And when did you realize that you needed to let it go?

• 47:58Terry Crews?

  Well, wow, that's a great, great question, man. You know, for me, you know, my world was designed around competition.

• 48:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:09Terry Crews?

  You know, growing up in Flint, Michigan, it was in the middle when the auto industry imploded. You know, I was around 10 years old. And then the crack epidemic happened at the same time. So you're talking about a double whammy on a city.

• 48:31Terry Crews?

  And so it was very violent. You know, lots of crime, lots of drugs, lots of gangs, lots of of powerlessness is what I like to call it.

• 48:43Lewis Howes?

  People felt powerless?

• 48:45Terry Crews?

  Especially me. Because you couldn't do anything about it. You know, one thing that people didn't know or forgot is when around that time in the city, there would be smokestacks around the city. And what they were doing were burning foreign cars.

• 49:01Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 49:02Terry Crews?

  And I remember just seeing you walk to school and you go across a parking lot in this factory and they'd be burning a car in effigy and throwing rocks at it and, you know, we ain't gonna have them damn, you know, Toyotas up in here, you know, because it was foreign. And it it just hit me about how, you know, the problem was the city was very resistant to change. But change is inevitable. And this is what I was going through. And but it was also about competition. It was always about, okay, it's gotta be me versus this dope man. It's gotta be me versus this gang initiation that they're trying to bring me into.

• 49:44Terry Crews?

  It's gotta be me versus, you know, the the grown men in my neighborhood and in my area that were always challenging me as a young man. So you had to come up. And it made me very mad.

• 50:01Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 50:02Terry Crews?

  And growing up with an alcoholic father on top of all that.

• 50:05Lewis Howes?

  Big Terry.

• 50:06Terry Crews?

  Big Terry. Yeah, I was little Terry. He was big Terry. And, you know, one of my earliest memories is him knocking my mother out. And I was like, got it, man. You run the world right now. Until I do. Oh. Um, how am I gonna tell you, man? How old were you then? Oh, I was five. Oh, man. I was five, but I have to tell you, I, one of the things I knew that my, my desire to get strong and my desire to have power and to be really, really just, I was, I was obsessed with muscle even as a little kid. Because I knew one day I might have to kill my father. Oh, my gosh. He was that dude. Wow.

• 50:45Terry Crews?

  He was just, he was unending, never bending, just constant intimidation. You know what I mean? Like fear, intimidation. You just didn't, you know, you didn't, you never felt comfortable. You never felt like he, he accepted you. You always felt like. Something was wrong, you doing it wrong, you didn't iron your pants enough, you didn't do something enough, you didn't clean enough, you, you just felt always inadequate. And that was the, the, the mindset of a lot of men in that culture, in that, in the city at the time I was growing up. And it wasn't gonna let you, they weren't gonna let you off easy. Uh, but when you asked them questions, they would never answer. Hmm, why not? I don't know.

• 51:30Terry Crews?

  See, that, that blew my mind because I was like, okay, just, just tell me what you want. And they're like, well, one day you gonna find out, let me tell you, one day, one day you'll get it. And you're like, but I'm twelve. Right. Can you like, give me a clue? Yeah. Like, and man, it was, I mean, it was only after I grew up when I realized that they didn't know. So that was a kind of a cop out. Um, but it, it, it made me, I had a, a vow with my best friend. And we were about thirteen, fourteen years old. Because this was such a big problem, like his dad would never talk to him. Really? My dad would never talk to me and the older adults wouldn't tell, you know, they would, only thing I would tell you about is how to be a pimp.

• 52:16Terry Crews?

  You know, like, man, you want two or three girls, let me tell you how to do it, you know? You, this is the game you gotta run. You're like, that's the only thing they would volunteer. But any of the other life stuff, like what does this mean? What does life mean? What's the true meaning of this? Right. You're in getting that. Go to church for that. And the whole concept with a lot of men in that world was that if you scared, go to church. Like, you know, church was for scare people. Interesting. You know what I mean? Like, no, no, we're too, we're too tough for that, you know? Uh, and what was so wild is, um, we made a vow. And we made a vow, me and my best friend, that, you know, we would, if you, I said, if you find out something before I do, promise me that you'll tell me.

• 53:00Terry Crews?

  And if I find out anything that you need to know before you do, I'll tell you. And we literally shook on it. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget the day we did it. Did you guys start telling each other advice or wisdom? We were just trying to find out stuff like, oh, man, check this out about this is in school and this is this and this is, this will, this will get you to this level and, man, we gotta start working out and, man, we gotta do this, you know? Cause we were just alone. Yeah. I mean, this is in the early days of even fitness. Yeah, there was no information on fitness really about how to build your, build your muscles. No, no, we would get, I remember ordering the books at the back of comic books. Where did you ever get sand kicked in your face?

• 53:42Terry Crews?

  And, and you know, and I would get this little book and it had like drawings of people exercising. And then you had an old exerciser thing that was like a, it looked like a bow, like a bow and arrow. And then you would just push it together and have a string and you just do that. It was like, primitive. But we were like eating anything up just to improve our lives. Yeah. And, uh, it was a really, the, the competitive culture created in me this thing. And when we talk about rage, what we're talking about is an attempt to control things you can't control. Mm hmm. You know? Cause what couldn't you control at that time? Outside, I just looked and it was like.

• 54:27Terry Crews?

  I had to do what everyone told me. And, you know, my father was addicted to alcohol, but my mother was addicted to religion. And he despised that, you know, because again, it was weak to him.

• 54:42Lewis Howes?

  But she was living in fear.

• 54:43Terry Crews?

  And she was living in fear. And so she's like, hey, we got to run under the protection of the church. But it was a, basically it was a Christian cult. I grew up in a church called the Church of God and Christ. And it was so, it was what you would call holy roller, you know? It was a lot of speaking in tongues and a lot of music and shouting and falling out and then people running around and the whole thing. And I remember just feeling like I wanted that. I wanted to be close to that. Like I said, okay, this is what God is. But I never felt it. Like I was going, when is it going to take me?

• 55:27Terry Crews?

  Because I would see everybody jumping and running and shouting. And I was like, and they was like, well, you just got to feel it. And I was like, but I don't feel it. And no one would tell me what was going on. And I mean, no one, my mother, my people in the church, I would be asking like, when do you know how this feels? Like, is it supposed to grab you? And they were like, oh, if you don't, let me tell you, the day it freaked me out is when my pastor looked at me and he said, you don't feel nothing. You must not have nothing.

• 55:58Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man, that's not fair.

• 56:00Terry Crews?

  I went, what?

• 56:02Lewis Howes?

  So it's like forces you to try to act like you feel something to fit in or belong or?

• 56:06Terry Crews?

  Oh, yeah. And now I'm bad.

• 56:08Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 56:09Terry Crews?

  And so I learned real quick, I said, man, you got to have two lives. You got to be this way in church, you got to be this. I mean, my, my father and mother fought constantly because of that.

• 56:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:23Terry Crews?

  You know what I mean? But it was all about, listen, everything that I do now, I couldn't do as a kid. I couldn't play sports. I couldn't go to secular movies. I couldn't listen to secular music. I couldn't dance. I couldn't do anything. When I say nothing, I mean, I remember I was like, what can I do? And they were like, sit down and shut up is what you can do. Wow. And what I would do is listen to kids at school talk about the movies. They would talk about all the stuff that they saw and all this stuff. And and I remember going home and drawing what I thought the movie was about. And that's where my art. Really? Ability came. I mean, it was hours of like, like imagining what this movie was. How old were you when you started drawing and being?

• 57:08Terry Crews?

  I was probably, probably six, seven years old. But I remember kids talking about things that I couldn't experience. Did anyone teach you how to draw? I I learned off comic books. You're so talented. I've seen your stuff. But see, you got to understand. You would see it and then you would kind of mimic what yours. Exactly. I any comic book or anything I saw, I would just try to. And let me tell you, I had this the most frustrating experiences because nothing would look the same. Like, and it was a desire for me to make things extremely real. And I wanted it to really come to life. And what would happen is I would be satisfied with the drawing, like, oh, man, this is good. And I go to bed and wake up and it would look bad again. And you're talking about this for a young kid.

• 57:52Terry Crews?

  And then it just continued where this drive and this this whole thing, because it had to look better than this. And it's got to look better than yours. When you're talking about a world of competition, it created this excuse for your age. You know what I mean? It it created and now I'm gonna tell you, man, what happened for me. And especially once I hit my teen years, I started living my life like I was in a revenge movie. Trying to get back at everyone, everything, the world, your dad. Remember the like the vow I made with my best friend? I made a lot of vows. And I vowed that I was gonna get every person who ever doubted me.

• 58:35Terry Crews?

  Whoever insulted me, whoever made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I was gonna get you back. Wow. And I was gonna show you. Now, let me tell you something. That is a recipe for tremendous success.

• 58:57Terry Crews?

  You understand what I mean? Like, people expect you, oh, no, it's gonna fall. No.

• 59:00Lewis Howes?

  And also, a lack of fulfillment, a lack of joy, a lack of peace inside of you.

• 59:06Terry Crews?

  Now.

• 59:07Lewis Howes?

  Because I was so similar.

• 59:08Terry Crews?

  You see what I mean?

• 59:09Lewis Howes?

  I wanted to prove everyone wrong, and I accomplished all these goals, and I was like, but why am I still unfulfilled and angry?

• 59:15Terry Crews?

  You, listen.

• 59:16Lewis Howes?

  Why am I so angry?

• 59:17Terry Crews?

  You get a lot done.

• 59:19Lewis Howes?

  A lot, man, you're obsessed.

• 59:21Terry Crews?

  Extra energy. You know what I mean? Because I'm like, I would work out.

• 59:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:26Terry Crews?

  You gotta understand, man, I would go and, I remember, I would do this stuff where I would go work out, and then I would work out until I couldn't move, and then I would rest up, and then I would go, and I would flex my muscles until they cramped. And I would force my muscles into cramps. It was, it was sadistic, it was masochistic.

• 59:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:45Terry Crews?

  But I said, no one, I want this, like, I will never stop doing sit-ups, I will never stop. I would, you know, again, I sit-ups, push-ups, until my stomach, until I was curled over in tears.

• 59:57Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 59:57Terry Crews?

  And then I'd go do more. Because I said, no one's gonna beat me.

• 1:00:02Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:00:02Terry Crews?

  You will never, ever, ever beat me. And, and listen, understand this, man, you know what's so crazy? I didn't even like football.

• 1:00:10Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:00:10Terry Crews?

  Didn't, didn't like it at all, but it was my way out of Flint.

• 1:00:15Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:16Terry Crews?

  It was also my way to code black. And this is what I mean.

• 1:00:21Lewis Howes?

  To code what?

• 1:00:22Terry Crews?

  Code black, meaning in the black culture, sports coded like hardcore. And it was the way the drug dealers, the gang members, everybody would leave you alone if they knew you were an athlete.

• 1:00:37Lewis Howes?

  Why is that?

• 1:00:37Terry Crews?

  Because they said, he's this man, he might go somewhere.

• 1:00:41Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:00:42Terry Crews?

  He might do something, he might be, because you gotta understand, walking to school, here they come. I had to fight my way into school, because it was like, who you think you are? Who, okay, oh, Mr. Smart, you're smart now, huh?

• 1:00:56Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:00:56Terry Crews?

  And you're like, man, I'm, why you talk so white?

• 1:01:01Terry Crews?

  Alright, so what I did, I remember developing a whole nother personality when I was on the street. Ah, man, what's up, man? Ah, you know, I don't even, you know me, yeah, boy.

• 1:01:14Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:01:14Terry Crews?

  And I would mimic that.

• 1:01:15Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:01:16Terry Crews?

  Just so I could.

• 1:01:17Lewis Howes?

  Fit in, right?

• 1:01:19Terry Crews?

  Yeah. You wouldn't, you, you, you have ideas, you had, you had goals, you had things you wanted, and all of a sudden, you knew, you, you didn't dumb down.

• 1:01:27Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:01:29Terry Crews?

  They were like, wait, man, who you, who, who you think you are? Remember, everything's a competition.

• 1:01:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34Terry Crews?

  So, you think you're smarter than me? Nah, man, I don't, I don't, nah, I'm just, but here I was, this artist, drawing, really trying to excel, had ideas, had, had visions, being a creative person.

• 1:01:50Lewis Howes?

  You played music too, right?

• 1:01:51Terry Crews?

  Yeah, I was a flautist.

• 1:01:52Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy.

• 1:01:53Terry Crews?

  Listen, I hit that. I was able to do that in church.

• 1:01:56Lewis Howes?

  Wow, man.

• 1:01:58Terry Crews?

  Uh, but see, this is another thing about the, the, the religion thing, which was nuts, is that, you know, here I was, just, you know, I was a pleaser. I became a pleaser. It was like, alright, please my mom, whatever, please the alcoholic dad, whatever you want, here's another beer, whatever. And my mother, I, I, what I decided was I was gonna be the best, you know, kid in the church.

• 1:02:19Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:20Terry Crews?

  But then my church was a cult. It was crazy. Um, because a lot of it didn't make any sense. And it really hit the fan when my pastor, you know, we found out my pastor was selling drugs and using drugs out of the pulpit. He had several girlfriends in the church. I mean, everything imploded, you know? And everyone thought this guy who was so upstanding, you know, because this thing, even with religion, is that, you know, everybody starts out with great intentions.

• 1:02:53Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:54Terry Crews?

  You know?

• 1:02:54Lewis Howes?

  And then power and success and money and people praising you, you gotta learn to really stay humble in the face of success or fame.

• 1:03:04Terry Crews?

  Exactly.

• 1:03:04Lewis Howes?

  How have you managed that? I mean?

• 1:03:07Terry Crews?

  Well, for a long time, I didn't.

• 1:03:08Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:03:09Terry Crews?

  I'm just being real. Um, you know, there's two Terry Cruises, and there's two experiences.

• 1:03:17Terry Crews?

  You know, the competitive Terry Crews was not humble. Competitive Terry Crews would look humble so that you could be lulled into sleep so that I could destroy you. Wow. I'm just telling you, man. When was this up until? Oh, my God. I mean, we're talking 2010. Okay, wow. You know, uh, and I was intense, dude, man. You understand. I knew, I said, this is how. You were intense or still? Well, I'm still intense. Different level of intensity. You know, uh, my thing was, man, I, I knew how to manipulate. Really? What was the, what was the strategy? Well, I would, I would look at a, whatever scene it was and what the rules were.

• 1:04:02Terry Crews?

  And I knew how to play the game. Wow. But it was always to beat people. To, to one up, to be number one, to be a little bit better than, or? Always. I mean, it got me to the NFL. Of course. I mean, dude, it goes a long, like I said, I didn't even like football. But that way of life, the NFL was like, come here. We like you. Right. You know what I mean? Oh, you gonna, you gonna be good. You know, they say, uh, the phrase I've heard before is that, um, you know, the best soldiers know how to check their morality. Like, to the side, like, keep it away, because you're a good soldier. Don't, don't think about what's right or wrong. Right. Don't really get that out. Yeah. Of your psyche. What's good and bad.

• 1:04:47Terry Crews?

  And now, yeah, now you can do whatever we need. And I, I determined that I was gonna be that dude. Like, whatever it took. And I, and I, and you gotta understand is that this kind of mindset is very rewarded. Of course. It's very, you know, I was tough. I was. You know, in this rage, but also I could turn it on to the point where I could beat people up. Like, I could start, I started to defend myself. You know, I got from being a little kid to being a, a, a big teenager to being, to, you know, what they say, he's got a little neck. You know what I mean? Like when you get some traps and you're like, whoa, okay.

• 1:05:32Terry Crews?

  Gang members think twice. You know what I mean? They're like, all right, all right. Because again, everything's a challenge, right?

• 1:05:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:39Terry Crews?

  To, to an exhausting level.

• 1:05:41Lewis Howes?

  Was there ever a point where you felt like you were strong enough and big enough to beat up your dad?

• 1:05:47Terry Crews?

  Well, I did.

• 1:05:49Lewis Howes?

  How old were you?

• 1:05:50Terry Crews?

  I was thirty years old.

• 1:05:52Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:05:53Terry Crews?

  I, you gotta understand the, the context of what happened. Uh, my father, you know, I was already, I'd just started my acting career and I'd just got a show. It was a TV show called Battle Dome. And I'd retired from the NFL. And, uh, again, I was around twenty-nine, thirty years, no, I was thirty years old. So, uh, I took my family home for Christmas and I, I told my father.

• 1:06:15Lewis Howes?

  Back to Flint.

• 1:06:15Terry Crews?

  Back to Flint from LA. And I told my father, do not act up, man. Cause this is the thing about holidays for alcoholics.

• 1:06:24Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man, it's.

• 1:06:25Terry Crews?

  It's the worst, man. I mean, they go right back. It's all the bad memories and they need to placate and they need to medicate with alcohol. And I said, man, look, my kids have never seen this. My kids never came up in this. And at the time I had three girls. And I said, dude, do not act up, okay? And he said, no, I ain't gonna do nothing, man. Ain't nothing wrong with you, you know, I don't know what you're talking about. So I take them home and me and, and we all over there, everything's going fine. Uh, my wife and I are headed to Detroit to hang out with some friends. So it's about a forty-five minute drive. We're about ten minutes into the drive and I get this call from my aunt. And she's like, Terry, your father hit your mother.

• 1:07:08Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 1:07:09Terry Crews?

  What? Oh, man. And what happened, he knocked her tooth sideways. No. It was hanging out of her mouth. And I mean, he hit her right in the mouth. Oh, man. And then I found out. Louis, he did it in front of my kids. Oh, no. And they were all privy to this. Something that I vowed. Your trigger went in deep. I said, take the kids. Oh, my gosh. Over to Ann's house. So just leave them there. I dropped my wife off. I drove over to the house. And I'm looking at him and I met with him. I'm like, hey, dude, didn't I tell you? And he was like, oh, no, that's you.

• 1:07:51Terry Crews?

  Wow. And I mean, let me tell you something, man. I don't know how long the beating happened. Oh, my gosh. I don't know. Cause you blackout. I blackout. And when you get to that level of rage, I know that feeling. You don't feel anything, you don't think anything. It's a. You know what, even. Ooh, I'm getting, it's, it's.

• 1:08:14Terry Crews?

  Just thinking about it.

• 1:08:17Terry Crews?

  It was so like, cause all I could remember was being like five years old. Wow. And, and feeling so weak and powerless as he was doing this to my mother. And we just had to take it. I was, I was like, I can't, what can I do? Right. He's a giant. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's, I, I can't do anything. And, and man, and now I'm 30 years old. You're big, you're strong. I fell. I'm, I'm never had an injury. I'm ready to go. And you've got 30 years of pent up rage. 30 years. And resentment. And I beat his all over that house. Wow. And Louis, let me tell you, man, I felt nothing. At the end, I thought this was it.

• 1:09:02Terry Crews?

  I thought this is the revenge I've been waiting for. I told you not to do it. This is it. Now I'm, you're gonna get everything for, for all Terry Crews is gonna blast you. And when I was done, I remember I beat him from the bottom, all the way to the bottom of the house, all the way up to his room, cause he was trying to run from me. And he was trying, he ran into his room and I busted the door down, man. And it's kept beating him, right? He's on the ground in tears, bleeding, tears, the whole thing.

• 1:09:43Terry Crews?

  I'm sitting on his bed.

• 1:09:46Terry Crews?

  Just looking at my hands and I'm like. Just like you.

• 1:09:52Terry Crews?

  Didn't work.

• 1:09:55Terry Crews?

  It didn't work, man. Right. It was supposed to work. What were you hoping to feel? I mean, release, like, there it is. I said it right. You're supposed to feel justice. You're supposed to feel like this is this now, the score has been settled. And when I say living life like a revenge movie, I mean it. But you gotta understand, that stuff is better than sex. Right. You look at a movie like that, you're like, man, yes, get them back one at a time, like, yes. And here I was, I was living it. I was like, this is man on fire live. You know what I'm saying? This is like, get back city. This is a payback.

• 1:10:36Terry Crews?

  And I was like, nothing.

• 1:10:39Terry Crews?

  Nothing. Wow. And I was like. I'm done. And I left. And I never went home for ten years. Really? Ten years. And my mom went right back to him. Didn't change, didn't change any of the home situation. Didn't fix, not one thing. And I was. I just remember going through all these issues and all this stuff like, oh my God, like. I lost it, man. And I, I couldn't go home. I couldn't even deal with it. And, uh. That was the, the thing that I said. That rage, it was uncontrollable. But I took it out on other people. Right.

• 1:11:24Terry Crews?

  And I, and I never, like, even though I didn't beat him up again and didn't go back home. That rage was still in me. Still inside of you. And I was doing that to various people in the street. There's a long list of people. Who been knocked out by me. And what's so crazy is that a lot of people go, oh, no, Terry, no. You're funny and you're so nice. My wife would be like, y'all don't even know. Y'all have no idea.

• 1:11:50Lewis Howes?

  He wasn't so nice back then, yeah.

• 1:11:52Terry Crews?

  Cause I could flip.

• 1:11:53Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 1:11:53Terry Crews?

  Oh, no, you have to understand, you know, being two people and learning how to manipulate and move, you know, that's why it would shock everybody.

• 1:12:02Lewis Howes?

  Right, because you could be the lovable, fun, energetic, passionate guy, but if there was a wound that was being triggered.

• 1:12:08Terry Crews?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:12:09Lewis Howes?

  The other Terry came out.

• 1:12:11Terry Crews?

  It would be a nuclear bomb.

• 1:12:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

• 1:12:58Lewis Howes?

  And now it's time to go out there and do something great.