"Bowen Yang"

Put a bee in your bonnet— it’s Bowen Yang. We hit the pillars: vibes, therapy, trade-winds, a silver fedora, and learning about Celine Dion. Because- life! On an all-new SmartLess.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. So this may not surprise you, I have a lot of thoughts in my head. And my dream is to just blurt them out and somehow get them down on paper, because my brain works way faster than my hands. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop. No more typing, you just talk, and the Rambler feature cleans up your ums and uhs and all the times you change your mind. Basically, it turns messy thoughts into tidy text. Visit googlebook.com for details. Available in select countries and languages to 18-plus users. Check the responses for accuracy.

• 0:43Jason Bateman?

  Did you ever notice the best deals are just obvious? Like hotels.com. What do they do, you may ask? Hotels on the internet. And a lot of them, like hundreds of thousands. I don't know why I just turned into Sean Hayes. Plus, if you join for free, you can save up to 20% instantly with member prices. And you earn rewards every time you book. So, your next trip basically starts paying for itself. It's simple, and you get more out of every stay. Sign up for free and book today. Hotels.com, it's all in the name.

• 1:23Sean Hayes?

  The place you call home is important to you. So, it's important to Allstate. Because home is where you make all your memories. Things like inviting your friends over for game night and discovering that one of them takes charades way, way too seriously. It's these memories that make a house feel like home. If it's important to you, it's important to Allstate. Switch to Allstate, and you could save hundreds on home insurance today. Not available in every state. Potential savings vary, subject to terms and qualifications. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:59Sean Hayes?

  Sitting in traffic, huh? Watching an old lady with a walker make it further up the road than you have in the last 15 minutes? And of course, your gas tank is in the perfect spot between not a problem to stranded on the highway. Hit your booking point? Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode. Experience award-winning reliability, fly with the best crew in the sky, and never worry about change or cancellation fees. Now tell that old lady to slow down. Kids live around here. Southwest Airlines, enter airplane mode.

• 2:44Jason Bateman?

  So, I booted up today and here's what I noticed.

• 2:51Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 2:51Jason Bateman?

  You know, you just start talking and you hope an interesting thought comes into your head? That's where I find myself right now. So I booted, booted up, I, and what I noticed was-

• 3:01Will Arnett?

  You thought talking about booting up was gonna get you going?

• 3:03Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, it was just gonna trigger something for the cold open. Anything ever funny ever happen for you guys when you boot up? Look at this.

• 3:10Will Arnett?

  Oh, Sean's wearing a boot.

• 3:12Jason Bateman?

  Oh, he's wearing, still wearing his walking boot.

• 3:14Will Arnett?

  Oh, now we're into Freestyle Association and it's improv and yes and and yes and to an all-new Smartless.

• 3:39Jason Bateman?

  I apologize for picking my teeth. I just got through a bunch of really leafy vegetables.

• 3:43Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 3:43Jason Bateman?

  So, I might, I might have to excuse myself mid, mid, mid-record here.

• 3:49Will Arnett?

  You think?

• 3:50Jason Bateman?

  Well, I mean, I don't know.

• 3:51Sean Hayes?

  To what, to go brush?

• 3:51Jason Bateman?

  Well, no.

• 3:52Sean Hayes?

  Why don't you get some floss?

• 3:53Jason Bateman?

  I've got the, I've got the little pic right here that you're, I apologize, you're having to watch. You and the, whoever the surprise guest is, I apologize.

• 4:00Will Arnett?

  What, you can't bear it until after?

• 4:02Jason Bateman?

  No, if I have something stuck between my teeth, everything stops.

• 4:06Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm kind of the same way.

• 4:07Jason Bateman?

  I can't, it's, it's, it's like, uh, it's like a bee is stuck in my car. I gotta, I gotta pull over.

• 4:13Will Arnett?

  You gotta bee, you gotta bee in your bonnet, yeah, you gotta bee in your bonnet.

• 4:15Jason Bateman?

  Hey, there's a good saying, you should start that.

• 4:17Will Arnett?

  You gotta bee in your bonnet. JB, now, how's, how's your new setup, JB? JB's in New York now, how's, how's your setup? Pretty good?

• 4:23Jason Bateman?

  Uh, it's good, I'm just, I'm in, uh, I'm in the hotel for a week and then I get the keys on Friday. So then I'll go over to the, uh, Aparte Monte and, um,

• 4:32Sean Hayes?

  And you'll be there for three, four months?

• 4:34Jason Bateman?

  Yes, yeah.

• 4:35Sean Hayes?

  Wow, isn't it wild? And I just got back.

• 4:37Will Arnett?

  Oh, wild.

• 4:39Jason Bateman?

  I know, why, why, I should be playing, I should be staying at your place.

• 4:41Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, by the way, why don't you?

• 4:43Jason Bateman?

  Uh, too late, you dick.

• 4:45Sean Hayes?

  You could, you know, you could have.

• 4:46Jason Bateman?

  Invite now that I'm obligated to a fucking long-term lease.

• 4:50Sean Hayes?

  You know you could have done, done that, but it was, it was too small for you.

• 4:53Will Arnett?

  I'm gonna be there, I'm gonna be there soon, JB.

• 4:55Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, no, we didn't have.

• 4:56Sean Hayes?

  Why are you going there, Will?

• 4:57Will Arnett?

  I'm gonna be there, because life.

• 4:59Jason Bateman?

  Because life, bro.

• 5:00Will Arnett?

  Life.

• 5:01Jason Bateman?

  Um, yeah, maybe, yeah, so I guess that's why I couldn't stay at your place. You've got a nice new fancy spot here, don't you?

• 5:07Will Arnett?

  I don't have, I don't have keys yet and, uh,

• 5:10Jason Bateman?

  Why, because you're making it fancy here? You're in the middle of making it fancy here?

• 5:13Will Arnett?

  No, no, no, no, no, it's a long, it's complicated, but, uh, but I'm very excited.

• 5:18Jason Bateman?

  Uh, we're excited for you, I'm super jealous, you're, you know how long I've wanted to live here.

• 5:22Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 5:23Sean Hayes?

  I know, why don't you just get a little tiny something?

• 5:26Jason Bateman?

  Your second, how many, how many times have you had a place in Manhattan, Will?

• 5:31Will Arnett?

  Oh, God.

• 5:32Jason Bateman?

  Like a, like, like a place, not like a hotel, but a, uh,

• 5:34Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, you and Amy used to live there.

• 5:36Will Arnett?

  I lived there for over 20 years, full-time.

• 5:38Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, but that was just one spot, right? I mean, how many different spots have you had here?

• 5:43Will Arnett?

  Different, oh my God, countless, I had so many.

• 5:45Jason Bateman?

  You've had, you have more or less than a dozen apartments.

• 5:47Sean Hayes?

  Count them.

• 5:48Jason Bateman?

  More or less than a dozen apartments in Manhattan.

• 5:50Will Arnett?

  Probab- probably around a dozen.

• 5:52Sean Hayes?

  Oh, really?

• 5:53Will Arnett?

  Hmm, yeah, something like that, uh, close to it, if not.

• 5:57Jason Bateman?

  That sounds, it's not so jealous. You, Sean? The one you have now, Sean, is your first? Is that your first?

• 6:02Sean Hayes?

  It's the first place I've owned, yeah, for now six years.

• 6:04Will Arnett?

  But back, you know, back in the, back in the day, I used to move around a lot, you know? Like, you'd live with roommates for a year and then somebody, and then somebody would bail and so you'd have to move across town. I used to be able to move in a, in a taxi, one taxi cab ride. Just a couple duffel bags for real.

• 6:17Sean Hayes?

  Really?

• 6:18Will Arnett?

  Stuff like a mattress, like a futon mattress in the trunk and then like go cross town and then like move back cross town and whatever like just you know.

• 6:24Sean Hayes?

  This is sad. Those are sad moves.

• 6:26Will Arnett?

  I think fondly back, I used to live on 21st Street for years and I

• 6:30Sean Hayes?

  What was that like?

• 6:31Will Arnett?

  Remember having, I lived in this basically a studio. This is such a boring story, but I'm gonna do it anyway. And fold up futon mattress. I didn't even have the frame. So in the day I'd roll it up in the corner.

• 6:42Sean Hayes?

  Just a cushion?

• 6:44Will Arnett?

  On the floor.

• 6:44Sean Hayes?

  Like a swollen yoga mat. The mattress.

• 6:46Will Arnett?

  Yeah. And then I'd have that and, and, and then I had like two pairs of jeans and two t-shirts and whatever. It was so fuck, it was so simple.

• 6:56Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 6:56Will Arnett?

  And there was just, there was nothing, there was nothing. It was just, I gotta say it was incredible.

• 7:01Sean Hayes?

  But isn't, isn't one of the, isn't one of the greatest things about getting older is you don't move around like that. Like that's, it's just exhausting. You don't realize when you're younger how exhausting it is to keep moving and moving and moving.

• 7:10Will Arnett?

  I still, I still.

• 7:10Sean Hayes?

  Well, you also become attached to more, you get attached to more stuff as you get older too, right? Or do you get rid of it a bit?

• 7:16Will Arnett?

  You do. You're like, fuck, where's all this, where is all this stuff?

• 7:19Jason Bateman?

  Hey Sean, is it, is that a new placement for the SAG Award of which, of which I bet you have many? I didn't. Yeah. We don't need to see your fucking awards in the background.

• 7:29Sean Hayes?

  Four SAG Awards.

• 7:30Jason Bateman?

  Oh shit.

• 7:32Will Arnett?

  Why would you count that?

• 7:34Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, but that's in a new spot right over your shoulder.

• 7:37Sean Hayes?

  No, I don't know who put it there. I swear I don't. I didn't.

• 7:39Jason Bateman?

  Okay Scotty.

• 7:40Sean Hayes?

  I'm taking it, I'm taking it out.

• 7:41Will Arnett?

  Well, let's find out with the mystery of who put the SAG Award in frame.

• 7:45Jason Bateman?

  But have you noticed that, that people do that on their Zooms? They put their awards in the background. Why is that?

• 7:51Will Arnett?

  I'm more, I'm still, I'm still bothered about that TV behind you because it never gets viewed because it's in the worst.

• 7:57Sean Hayes?

  Well, sometimes, sometimes it's, well, no, sometimes if, this is my office and so if there's stuff going on. Yeah, we can see the fax machine. Oh God, he's really knocking down big deals over there.

• 8:12Will Arnett?

  But it's just, it's just the placement of it is so locked in and then the seating on the other side of your desk is so far away.

• 8:19Sean Hayes?

  I know, I know. No, it's not that far. Anyway, when Scotty's got something going on, I come in here and I'll watch. I don't need to explain myself to you.

• 8:28Sean Hayes?

  Okay, here we go. Ready? Watch this. Yep. Sure. My guest today is smarter than all of us combined, and practically half our age. He started college as a pre-med chemistry major because he was inspired by Sandra Oz's character on Grey's.

• 8:42Jason Bateman?

  It's Doogie? It's Doogie Howser?

• 8:44Sean Hayes?

  On Grey's Anatomy. He was born in Australia, moved to Quebec, then to Colorado when he was nine. Later, he moved to New York, got a graphic design job to pay the bills, while doing late-night improv, and eventually walked into 30 Rock and booked Saturday Night Live, giving him seven seasons and five Emmy nominations. It's a hilarious, delightful Bowen Yang.

• 9:04Jason Bateman?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  It's Doogie.

• 9:07Jason Bateman?

  What's up, Dugs?

• 9:08Speaker 03

  It's Doogie Howser. It's Dugs. I've never seen it. I've never seen that show.

• 9:14Will Arnett?

  You're too young. You're too young.

• 9:16Jason Bateman?

  I don't think. I've seen pieces of it.

• 9:18Sean Hayes?

  Wait, Bowen's got. You've got awards behind you, too.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  No, and I, and I, you guys, I knew you guys were.

• 9:23Jason Bateman?

  That's a bust of Ben Franklin.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  This is Ben Franklin. No, this is, this is the parting gift they gave me at SNL. The makeup guy said, now they do 3D scans of your face? And, yeah, that's Lauren. No, they, they do 3D scans of your face.

• 9:33Jason Bateman?

  Wait, you're not done on SNL?

• 9:34Sean Hayes?

  Yes, he is.

• 9:34Will Arnett?

  Yes, he is.

• 9:35Jason Bateman?

  You're, oh, goddammit.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  It's okay, but we, we, we had a good time there, Jason.

• 9:39Jason Bateman?

  Just last year.

• 9:40Speaker 03

  I love this, by the way. There's, there's a special quality to this. It's so his-girl-friday, just you guys all overlapping. It's so cool.

• 9:48Will Arnett?

  No, we're the worst, we're the worst interviewers, and we get a lot of shit because we interrupt each other all the time. People are like, I wish they'd shut up. We're like, well, this is what a conversation is, right?

• 9:56Speaker 03

  People don't get it.

• 9:58Jason Bateman?

  What about, what about on yours? You guys overlap, I bet, all the time? Or do you do it together?

• 10:02Sean Hayes?

  Last call, Teresa.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  We do it together now. We used to do, we would do it, we would do it very much on Zoom in years past, but now we're back to spatial, shared, whatever.

• 10:11Jason Bateman?

  Studio.

• 10:12Speaker 03

  You guys are, but you guys are gonna, like, really Rorschach test my shelves, aren't you? I don't see, this is the thing about awards. Mine are mostly glass, which I feel like are less legitimate than the brass.

• 10:21Jason Bateman?

  What, your awards?

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Because they could break.

• 10:23Will Arnett?

  Well, let's go on the books. You got Kate Bush.

• 10:26Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, oh, really?

• 10:27Speaker 03

  I got a Kate Bush thing.

• 10:29Will Arnett?

  Oh, yeah, I like Kate Bush.

• 10:30Jason Bateman?

  What, you got a HomePod? Is that a HomePod up in there?

• 10:32Speaker 03

  This is a Sonos. This is a Sonos.

• 10:35Jason Bateman?

  Oh, gotcha, okay.

• 10:36Sean Hayes?

  What's the gold one?

• 10:37Jason Bateman?

  The gold thing is a, is a Golden Globe?

• 10:40Speaker 03

  It, no, this, this is the newly redesigned Academy Museum Honor. It used to be. You were there.

• 10:47Will Arnett?

  I was there when you got it. I was there when you got it, yeah.

• 10:50Jason Bateman?

  No way.

• 10:50Will Arnett?

  Congratulations.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  They used to be, thank you, but they used to be smaller silver Oscar statues.

• 10:55Jason Bateman?

  Really?

• 10:56Speaker 03

  And now they, and now it's a, it's a gold ice cream cone. I don't understand why they changed it.

• 11:00Sean Hayes?

  What's it for?

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Vibes. I don't know.

• 11:03Jason Bateman?

  For being excellent, you dumbass.

• 11:04Will Arnett?

  For being, for being great at what he does. Sean.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Which is, can anyone here describe what I do?

• 11:11Will Arnett?

  Sean, I don't know if you know that Sean, Sean won a, Sean won a silver fedora.

• 11:16Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, look at that.

• 11:17Will Arnett?

  Right behind him there.

• 11:17Sean Hayes?

  It's cool.

• 11:18Jason Bateman?

  For, for excellent cosplaying of Indiana Jones.

• 11:22Sean Hayes?

  That's excellent. And he was excellent at it.

• 11:25Will Arnett?

  Bowen Yang, what, what's, what's, talk to, hang on a second. No, don't yeah me. I'm fucking talking to Bowen Yang.

• 11:31Sean Hayes?

  Wow.

• 11:32Will Arnett?

  How dare you? That's so rude.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Cool it.

• 11:35Will Arnett?

  No, I want, I want to talk to Bowen Yang for a second. I want to know why you, why, how and why you moved around and what happened. We were just talking about moving around and then Sean intros you and it's like bing bong, they're like all over the place.

• 11:47Sean Hayes?

  All over the place.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Why did I move around?

• 11:49Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, your parents, you were born and then you moved to Quebec and then, and then, what did I just say?

• 11:53Jason Bateman?

  You started in Australia, then you had to get the hell out of there for some reason.

• 11:57Sean Hayes?

  Quebec and then Colorado.

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quebec and Colorado. No, it was, it was, my dad's been at the same job for the past like 38 years. But he got his doctorate in Australia. So that's where my sister and I were born, in Brisbane. Then we moved to Canada. Montreal, where, where I learned about Celine Dion. And then I, and then we moved to Colorado. For, just, just to catch the.

• 12:23Jason Bateman?

  What'd you learn about there?

• 12:24Speaker 03

  I learned about, okay, oh no, I moved to Colorado.

• 12:27Jason Bateman?

  Get in trouble right now.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  At the tail end of, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get in trouble. I moved at the tail end of the Clinton administration, right after Columbine and Jaminé Ramsey, to Colorado. So as an eight year old, I'm like, this, oh wow.

• 12:39Will Arnett?

  The whole Clinton administration was about tail end. Let's be honest, okay guys? Hey, wait, Bowen, how many years, what, how old were you then when you moved from Quebec? Because I want to get into the Canada stuff, obviously, as a Canadian.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Let's get into it. Yes, I would love to. Eight years old. So I was hysterically sobbing, being like, why are we moving to the place where people get killed? Like, it was right after Jean-Benay, who was in Boulder, and it was after, like, it was after all this mess.

• 13:07Sean Hayes?

  Wait, but this is interesting. I'm gonna tell you, Willie, because this is, and this will prompt Bowen, which is, your dad grew up, literally, in a straw and mud hut in Inner Mongolia, taught himself to read by candlelight, got a PhD in mining explosives. What?

• 13:22Speaker 03

  That's right.

• 13:23Sean Hayes?

  And then moved across three countries. That's crazy.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  You can go to school for anything.

• 13:27Jason Bateman?

  So he got a doctorate in blowing stuff up? Yeah?

• 13:32Speaker 03

  In blowing stuff up?

• 13:33Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  For, at quarries and such?

• 13:36Jason Bateman?

  Yes. Well, he can take it anywhere he wants, I guess.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 13:40Will Arnett?

  Bowen, I love your explanation. I love your explanation. He loves it. He loves it.

• 13:47Jason Bateman?

  But like that, I guess you would, I would want someone to be very credentialed before I handed them the keys to some explosives.

• 13:54Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 13:54Jason Bateman?

  So, yeah, yeah.

• 13:56Sean Hayes?

  And then you went to, when you, go ahead.

• 13:58Speaker 03

  No, you go, you go.

• 13:59Sean Hayes?

  I was gonna say, this would relate to Will, you went to, you were like, blown away by Just for Laughs, which is what, a comedy festival in Canada?

• 14:08Jason Bateman?

  Pun, pun intended. Blown away?

• 14:10Speaker 03

  Pun intended.

• 14:11Will Arnett?

  Just for Rire.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, really good. Just for Rire. So, Will, the Rire, huh?

• 14:17Will Arnett?

  What?

• 14:17Jason Bateman?

  Oh, here they go.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  We, we, ah, c'est ça? So, but there would be like three street performers. What? What, Jason?

• 14:25Will Arnett?

  No French. Jason, I wish I knew a language. No, but you're allergic to culture.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  No, but you are allergic to-

• 14:31Will Arnett?

  Tabernacle.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  You do not have this bridge to, tabernacle, Chris.

• 14:34Jason Bateman?

  I have one cigarette.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  I love, I love Montreal.

• 14:40Will Arnett?

  So do I. Montreal is a phenomenal city.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  Truly, truly. I mean, like, people say Portland has the best strip clubs. Montreal had the best strip clubs and I could have, I had the authority to say this as a child. You'd drive through them on the way back from Chinatown into the suburbs and you would pass by the strip clubs and they were just, they had great lights.

• 15:02Jason Bateman?

  Vancouver was pretty gifted for the ballet as well.

• 15:05Will Arnett?

  Don't you drag that shit into here.

• 15:07Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, no, raise your arms right there. Just outside the airport there. Raise your arms.

• 15:12Will Arnett?

  Nobody does a peeler bar like Montreal. Nobody.

• 15:15Jason Bateman?

  Old peelers, yeah.

• 15:17Will Arnett?

  Eh? Okay, yeah, anyway.

• 15:19Sean Hayes?

  So what were you inspired by just for laughs? Like, what's the first thing you saw? You're like, oh my god, I have to do that.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  The laughs. I heard the laughs. There would be like, street performers and they still have that. But like, it would be free street performances and it would be the most like Quebec crazy, kooky stuff like a mime who like pulls something out of his ear. Like, I don't know, it was just like clowning plus like jokes. I don't know. It was just, it just didn't have to make sense, you know?

• 15:50Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  It was that and then...

• 15:53Jason Bateman?

  So Montreal was what ages to what ages? Sorry.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  It was, no, that's okay. It was three to nine.

• 16:01Jason Bateman?

  Three to nine and then to Colorado.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  And then to Colorado, nine to seventeen, yeah.

• 16:06Jason Bateman?

  And seventeen to what was where?

• 16:09Speaker 03

  New York. And seventeen to now has been New York.

• 16:11Sean Hayes?

  Wow. Wow. I'm seventeen.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  But is that, when people ask me, where are you from? I don't know.

• 16:17Jason Bateman?

  You're not sure what to say?

• 16:18Speaker 03

  I feel like it's stolen valor if I say, well, if I say, oh, Colorado and then Canada before that. People are like, and then I tell them what years I grew up there. They're like, oh, well, you should just say Colorado. And I'm like, yeah, but... Developmentally, like, those candidate years were important to me.

• 16:32Jason Bateman?

  Well, how much, but really, I mean, for any of us, how much do you remember before nine years old?

• 16:37Speaker 03

  I remember a lot.

• 16:39Jason Bateman?

  Just a lot of screeching tires, Johnny?

• 16:41Will Arnett?

  Not all of us had to black it out, man. You know what I mean?

• 16:46Will Arnett?

  Jakey Bates, Jakey was trying to learn how to die on the set of Little House on the Prairie and getting notes on, a little less on the dying, Jake, okay? Little Jakey Bates with his bowl cut. Have you ever seen photos? Google Jason Music Kid. He's so fucking cute. It's unbelievable. And you could see him on, getting there in action, and he's gotta die.

• 17:07Jason Bateman?

  Pulling up my overalls. Hey, Pa.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  Hey, Pa.

• 17:11Jason Bateman?

  No, but I think most, most of what shaped me happened once I got to California, which was seven till now. I mean, you know, I remember snow and things like that in Salt Lake City, Boston, New York, within the ages before. But nothing really shaped who I am happened before then, right?

• 17:30Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 17:31Jason Bateman?

  I mean, so I think, well, I mean, not as much as, you know, your Colorado years. You know, nine to 17, I mean, that's, that's the whole cookie right there.

• 17:39Will Arnett?

  I mean, Jason, let's be honest, living in LA from, you know, 18 and through your twenties, you saw a lot of snow then, too.

• 17:45Jason Bateman?

  Hey, huh?

• 17:46Will Arnett?

  Let's be real, let's be real, huh? The fucking Porsche peeling out of water, brother, with the fucking beak, beak full of snow. You're gonna be wicked!

• 17:59Speaker 03

  Jesus.

• 17:59Jason Bateman?

  Oh, we had some fun.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  Oh, we had fun.

• 18:02Jason Bateman?

  So, Bowen, how do you go, so pre-med chemistry, is that right? Is that?

• 18:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was, it was, I was, I was taking cover behind it, really. Cause I was, I was, I was looking at colleges and I was like, purely motivated by like what the comedy scenes were there.

• 18:19Jason Bateman?

  Oh, okay. So, so you?

• 18:21Speaker 03

  It was between like Northwestern and NYU, yeah.

• 18:23Jason Bateman?

  So you, but you, so you went with the, with the intention to pursue comedy under the guise of pre-med?

• 18:29Speaker 03

  Pretty much.

• 18:30Jason Bateman?

  Is that what you're saying?

• 18:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:31Jason Bateman?

  Really? We were just, uh, we were just, uh, talking to Colin just about this, right? Where he was-

• 18:39Will Arnett?

  Similar.

• 18:40Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, so he's going into Harvard studying, was it?

• 18:45Will Arnett?

  Economics.

• 18:46Jason Bateman?

  Economics, and then he decided to just sort of tack over to comedy. When he's sitting at, so you could go to Northwestern or whatever, like you had, you had the skills, the academic qualifications to really get yourself a career that you could count on, a nice, healthy base salary and some longevity, etc. But you were like, no, no, let's go with comedy. That's what I want to put it all in on, huh?

• 19:11Speaker 03

  Terrible, terrible. I mean, thank God it worked out.

• 19:14Will Arnett?

  Not terrible.

• 19:15Jason Bateman?

  But who's laughing now?

• 19:16Will Arnett?

  But interesting, yeah.

• 19:17Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, you're killing it. So it's, it all worked out. But it's, I was interested to ask Colin about that, and I'm gonna ask you the same. It was, um, go ahead.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Well, I feel like with Harvard, it's, like, the lampoon is, like, kind of institutionally there, you know what I mean? I feel like with NYU, it was like, now I feel like, especially at SNL, it's like, oh, NYU is sort of the pedigree, whereas like, I don't know, 10 years ago, it was more Harvard leaning.

• 19:45Jason Bateman?

  Oh, okay.

• 19:46Will Arnett?

  Interesting. Oh, really?

• 19:47Speaker 03

  Right? I don't know.

• 19:48Jason Bateman?

  So that was part of the thinking is, because did you end up going to NYU?

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:53Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, so then that was, you thought of that as possibly a feeder for SNL? SNL was a goal?

• 19:58Speaker 03

  SNL was never the goal. SNL was like too, too far out of reach, but I, but like, what ended up happening was like, people from our little ilk at NYU, our coterie of like freaks and weirdos, were like being raptured up into the SNL spaceship. And then we were like, oh, wait, so now we have like, we have our little, our little canaries or whatever. I mean, it sounds nefarious, but it.

• 20:24Will Arnett?

  Well, were you, it does sound, it sounds like you're hiding something, but I, do you, do you, were you doing, were you doing sketch? Were you doing stand-up? Yeah, were you at UCB? What were you doing?

• 20:35Speaker 03

  This was, we were, I was going into NYU right after these boys from Derek Comedy had just sort of like stormed the scene. It was Donald Glover and like DC Pearson and Dominic DeRcas, like Rachel Bloom was in her senior year, Steph Schuh was doing sketch comedy there. Like, it was, it was all these like people who were like, oh, there's something special about them. And then, but we, like, at the time, you couldn't say like, well, we're all gonna make it big, you know? It just wasn't-

• 21:03Jason Bateman?

  You just did what you loved.

• 21:05Speaker 03

  You'd never say that out loud.

• 21:06Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, and it sounds so annoying when people ask you, like, would you have any advice? And I'm like, I, if you can, if you can be at the right place at the right time, but there's never any way of knowing.

• 21:15Will Arnett?

  Yes, that's a great point.

• 21:17Jason Bateman?

  Were you doing anything simultaneously to sort of mitigate your risk, you know?

• 21:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:22Jason Bateman?

  Studying anything else, or?

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Studying chemistry, volunteering at Bellevue, at Bellevue Hospital, the ER at Bellevue, where I got fired because I had to like, because I, I like, I added like 10 minutes to my time chart or something. It was like, they were, they were serious as a heart attack, so to speak about it. Like, they would not let anything slide. We'll be right back.

• 21:53Jason Bateman?

  Did you ever notice the best deals are just obvious, like hotels.com? What do they do, you may ask? Hotels on the internet, and a lot of them, like hundreds of thousands. I don't know why I just turned into Sean Hayes. Plus, if you join for free, you can save up to 20% instantly with member prices, and you earn rewards every time you book. So, your next trip basically starts paying for itself. It's simple, and you get more out of every stay. Sign up for free and book today. Hotels.com. It's all in the name.

• 22:33Sean Hayes?

  Fall means cozy meals, game days, and an excuse to bring home something sweet. Whole Foods Market keeps the focus on flavor with no artificial sweeteners like sucralose, artificial colors like red dye number 40, or high-fructose corn syrup store-wide. For game day, grab made-in-house wings, frozen pizzas, and 365 brand chips and dips. Finish with limited-time pumpkin blondies, apple brown butter cookies, or chocolate bourbon pecan pie. Shop fall flavors with higher standards at Whole Foods Market.

• 23:12Speaker 04

  No two businesses run the same, so banking for your business shouldn't be one-size-fits-all. That's why Atlantic Union Bank offers knowledgeable guidance and tailored solutions designed around your goals. Whether you're managing cash flow, moving money, or protecting your business from fraud, we make banking for your business both personal and easy. Call, visit us online at atlanticunionbank.com, or stop by one of our local branches today. Atlantic Union Bank, any way you bank.

• 23:44Jason Bateman?

  And now, back to the show.

• 23:47Sean Hayes?

  This is really interesting. When I read that at NYU when you were a chemistry pre-med, that's because of Sandra Oh. You were a huge fan of Sandra Oh on Grey's Anatomy. And then what happened, which I think is hilarious, and her character name...

• 24:01Jason Bateman?

  Come on, that's not a bit?

• 24:02Sean Hayes?

  That's not a bit?

• 24:02Speaker 03

  It's not a bit, it's not a bit.

• 24:04Sean Hayes?

  And her character name is Christina Yang.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Christina Yang. Christina...

• 24:07Sean Hayes?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 24:09Speaker 03

  It's like the classic, like, your wires getting crossed. I was like, it wasn't that I wanted to be a doctor because I saw her. It was because, one, I wanted to maybe act, and two, because I was a gay man worshiping an actress's work. Like, it was just those two things.

• 24:23Will Arnett?

  Yeah, it's a one-two punch. That's a one-two punch.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  It's a one-two punch.

• 24:26Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  And, yeah, so...

• 24:28Jason Bateman?

  But chemistry... But chemistry is not medicine. You're not going to... You're not going to...

• 24:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 24:36Jason Bateman?

  You're not studying medicine. So, like, what could one...

• 24:40Will Arnett?

  Well, what are you studying, Jason? Let's hear your thoughts on chemistry.

• 24:43Jason Bateman?

  I want to know what kind of career one can anticipate with a chemistry degree.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  So it's funny, like, back in the day, the word industry, to me, meant, didn't mean anything Hollywood. It meant, oh, like, you're working in industry job in chemistry, which means you work for, like, Procter and Gamble or something. You like, make deodorant.

• 25:04Jason Bateman?

  Dow.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  Dow, yeah.

• 25:06Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  You make, you make these, like, you make pharmaceuticals, or you make, like...

• 25:11Jason Bateman?

  That was a genuine interest for you. You, you, you were gonna pursue that.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  No, no, it wasn't. It was not genuine at all. It was, chemistry was because it was the path of least resistance to getting, to like, finishing my credits. There was no, like, actual interest in it. I mean, I know some stuff.

• 25:26Jason Bateman?

  It was a subject you had a handle of. Like, you didn't struggle, like, I struggled greatly with chemistry.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:32Jason Bateman?

  Like, that, it's not simple.

• 25:33Sean Hayes?

  On the bus?

• 25:34Jason Bateman?

  On the bus, yeah.

• 25:35Speaker 03

  On what? On the bus?

• 25:37Will Arnett?

  By the way, nobody, nobody registered any shock on that. It was silent after you said that.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  I wasn't looking for shock.

• 25:44Will Arnett?

  Bowen, Bowen, you never had the feds, you never had to knock at the door of the feds for the kid, the kid who's a chemistry major, whose dad is involved in, uh, exonerations?

• 25:53Will Arnett?

  You didn't get a, like, a quick visit?

• 25:54Sean Hayes?

  I should have. You didn't have trouble traveling?

• 25:56Speaker 03

  I'm sure I'm on a list. Oh, no, you're right. I never thought of that, Will.

• 26:01Will Arnett?

  I mean...

• 26:02Sean Hayes?

  But I wanted, I wanted to say all the crazy SNL stuff. So you were like, I read you were like me, when you were a kid, you would sit in your room, or with your family, and do the bunny ears on the TV, and so, and look, and get SNL on Saturday night. I used to do that, and watch it by myself, in like, one of my brother's rooms, because nobody was around. And, and then, and, and then Sandra Oh ends up hosting the show, right?

• 26:28Jason Bateman?

  Where was everybody? Sorry, where was everybody?

• 26:32Sean Hayes?

  And then, and then your sister introduced you to SNL, and then you were, you were voted senior most likely to be on SNL? In your high school?

• 26:40Speaker 03

  Because that was, that was like, the florid, sort of like, um, embellished language for our superlatives. It was like, instead of like, class clown, it was like, most likely to be on SNL.

• 26:49Jason Bateman?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 26:49Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, but there's so many, I was senior most likely to trip at graduation.

• 26:52Jason Bateman?

  Bless him.

• 26:53Sean Hayes?

  But there's no, but there's...

• 26:54Speaker 03

  And did you?

• 26:55Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I did, actually.

• 26:56Will Arnett?

  On what? Acid or shrooms?

• 26:58Sean Hayes?

  Hell.

• 27:00Will Arnett?

  Come on, guys, let's all be alive. Let's look alive. Let's look alive.

• 27:04Sean Hayes?

  No, but I just think that's so wild. And so you'd watch it, your sister said, then you got voted for it, then you went there, and then Margaret Cho was there when you went. There's so many arrows pointing that you were going to be on the show. It's just crazy.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  I guess, I guess.

• 27:18Jason Bateman?

  And then, but, but then, so when the audition happens, does all that stuff flood in and you feel the stakes and the pressure of it? Or were you kind of indifferent?

• 27:27Will Arnett?

  But let's figure out, like, how did that audition happen? And then that feeling? Like, what was the, yeah, how did you get into the machine?

• 27:34Speaker 03

  So, speaking of Just for Laughs, that, that used to be the pipeline. Like, the SNL talent people would go to Just for Laughs in the summer, and like, they would pick out their people. I, I never made it to that stage. And so I was like, I guess it's not in the cards for me. But then, like, my manager at the time said, "Put together a tape, five minutes, like, the standard, whatever, entry point." And I was like, "They'll never, ever fucking hire an effeminate Asian guy, like, on that show." Like, why would they ever need that? So on a lark, I was like, "No one's ever gonna see this tape. So let me just, like, fuck around and do what's funny for me." And then somehow slipped through.

• 28:11Will Arnett?

  That's freeing, though, that's freeing.

• 28:13Jason Bateman?

  That's a good lesson for everyone.

• 28:15Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 28:15Will Arnett?

  That must have been, you must, that feeling of like, fuck it, like, kind of going to what Jason was saying, like, that feeling of you're doing it and being able to, like, do it without a net, because you just don't, not you don't care.

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Sexy indifference, yeah.

• 28:28Will Arnett?

  It's the sexy indifference, as Jason likes to say. And, right, it must have felt really good being able to just kind of...

• 28:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:34Will Arnett?

  Do what happens.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  Okay, I think I'm talking to the right people, but I just read this somewhere. I don't really have any knowledge of it, but it's that thing that, like, it's like, not the yips, but it's like, golfers have this when they're a little too focused on the swing.

• 28:47Will Arnett?

  Yes.

• 28:47Speaker 03

  They just, like, lose all, they lose all prowess, they lose all capability.

• 28:50Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  It's when you're like, not in a flow state, but it's when you're not thinking of, like, the micro decisions. It's when you're like, who cares?

• 28:56Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 28:57Speaker 03

  Figure skaters have this, it's like, athletes have this, overall, where it's like, pretend like no one's watching.

• 29:02Will Arnett?

  Hondo P, Hondo P.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 29:04Sean Hayes?

  Hondo P.

• 29:05Jason Bateman?

  Hondo P.

• 29:06Will Arnett?

  Fuck it, guys, how young am I? But, but, but, but it is true, I do think about that all the time. You think about, well, they literally, they talk about, like, gripping too tight. But there is that notion of gripping too tight in life, on any of that stuff. And when you do that, that's what I meant. You must have felt really, like, "God, I bet you that was such an advantage, because everybody else is doing their tapes and they're so tight, because they gotta get it right."

• 29:30Speaker 03

  Yep, yep. And I wasn't, I didn't really care, yeah.

• 29:33Sean Hayes?

  So when, so this I read, and I, I, I, hopefully this is tragically hilarious and not just tragic. If you want to talk about it, we don't have to. But I'm fascinated by the fact that your parents sent you to conversion therapy in Colorado when you were seventeen.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  It was hilarious.

• 29:48Sean Hayes?

  I mean, that's why.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  It actually was.

• 29:51Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I'm like, there's some comedy, probably a lot of comedy from the how horrible that was, yeah?

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Definitely, because, well, because it was eight weeks, so, so, so the comedy begins and the whole sort of occasioning of it, which was the ultimatum. So like, I don't come out, I like, am discovered to be gay based on the family computer. Remember those? It was like my parents going on the family computer, being like, Bowen, what's this? A sultry, dirty, dirty picture.

• 30:19Jason Bateman?

  Going through your search, your search history?

• 30:22Speaker 03

  It was, it was a chat window.

• 30:23Jason Bateman?

  Uh-oh.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  It was a chat window.

• 30:26Will Arnett?

  You gotta close those, Bowen, you gotta close those.

• 30:28Jason Bateman?

  So we're sharing it, there's a family computer we're all sharing?

• 30:31Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 30:31Jason Bateman?

  Is that what it was?

• 30:32Sean Hayes?

  Wow.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 30:33Sean Hayes?

  And you just walked away to get a coke and?

• 30:36Speaker 03

  To get cocaine. To get toxins, cocaine.

• 30:39Jason Bateman?

  So you didn't close your window?

• 30:42Speaker 03

  I didn't close my window, so mom prints it out, prints out the transcript.

• 30:45Will Arnett?

  Oh, God.

• 30:46Jason Bateman?

  How old are you?

• 30:47Will Arnett?

  Oh, God.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Seventeen.

• 30:49Jason Bateman?

  Okay.

• 30:50Will Arnett?

  Oh, no.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  Seventeen.

• 30:52Jason Bateman?

  So she shakes the paper in front of you and says, qu'est-ce que c'est?

• 30:56Speaker 03

  She said, qu'est-ce que c'est? And you gotta put a little bit more quid pro quo on it.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  She, and then it was, it was crazy. And it was like, I would be coming, I would be coming home to my parents sobbing at the dinner table every day. And I was like, I have to make this right. Like, how could I cause this much pain? And so the ultimatum was, it gets funny, I promise. The ultimatum was, either you stay in-state in Colorado, go to Boulder, live with us, or you can go to college with your sister if you go to conversion therapy. But the punchline is, my sister was at the gayest school in the country, NYU.

• 31:37Will Arnett?

  Oh, wow.

• 31:38Speaker 03

  So I was like, sure, I'll do the conversion therapy. It was eight weeks in the summer, and it actually became like great bonding time because it was in Colorado Springs, two-hour drive up and down from Denver. My dad and I would like bond in the car and just like actually get to know each other for the first time as like adults or something. And then the guy is such a quack that like by like the eighth session, whatever, like we're going through like some diluted version of like cognitive behavioral therapy where he's like trying to like put me in my body, like anytime I've been attracted to a guy, like it was because you were miserable, it's because you were like in pain.

• 32:15Jason Bateman?

  God damn it.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  But no, no, no, then the last session.

• 32:18Jason Bateman?

  No, it just makes me sick.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is what it is. So the second to last session, my dad is asking him for referrals in New York. He was like, Bowen's going to New York, do you have anyone there who does this kind of work? He's like, sure, I'll come up with some names next time.

• 32:32Jason Bateman?

  Stonewall.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  The next week, the last session, Stonewall, yeah, go to Stonewall and go to Pieces in the West Village. The last session, he like walks me, he like starts to go into this anecdote in the third person about one of his former patients. And he's like, yeah, my former patient just gets off at the side of the road in San Bernardino, which is not where you want to be late at night, and his car broke down, and then he goes to a Denny's, and then the waiter's making eyes at him, and then, and then my therapist starts to shift into the first person. And then I was like, am I really, am I really gonna have sex with this guy? And then I did. And then he caught himself shifting into the first person.

• 33:09Jason Bateman?

  Oh my god, oh my god.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  And then like the blood, the blood left his face, and then in that moment, it was like, oh, I've just undone all of this work that we've, this like fake phony work that we've been doing for the past eight weeks.

• 33:22Jason Bateman?

  Wow.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  And then I was like, wow, none of this was real. I walk out.

• 33:27Jason Bateman?

  I've wasted my time.

• 33:29Speaker 03

  He pulls out a little piece of paper, he's like, so I couldn't find anyone in New York who does this, but there is a guy in Trenton, New Jersey. And then I, and then my dad and I were like, well, I guess. I used to date him. But my dad and I were like, oh, I guess, yeah, I'll, you know, I'll take the train out to Jersey every week to see this person. Just, just trying to like, just trying to like swat this away. I was like, there's no way I'm ever gonna continue this. And so I was like in the closet for like a year at NYU. But then like all these comedy, these comedy nerds that I was friends with were like, you're gay. And then by sophomore year, I was out.

• 34:01Jason Bateman?

  But, but, but Bowen, I, I, look, we're not talking about the 50s here, we're talking about just a half a, a dozen years ago. And it sounds like you, and, and you're in Colorado, which is progressive.

• 34:17Jason Bateman?

  Ish and you're great friends with your parents, it sounds like.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 34:23Jason Bateman?

  I mean, notwithstanding the fact that they that they want you to go through conversion therapy, you're still like getting along with them and you're driving and you're bonding with your dad and blah, blah, blah, like, how, I don't understand how all this can sort of match. Cause at what point didn't you at some point say, yeah, no, no, guys, I'm, I am gay. I'm happy and you love me and you're happy with me and like, why are we trying to convert anything?

• 34:48Speaker 03

  Right, right. They, uh, it's not really a religious thing for them or it wasn't like, I think for them, it was just this cultural thing coming out of China.

• 34:59Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Right. Yeah, well, not even, it's not even on a political alignment. It's just them thinking like, oh, I don't want my child to have a worse, harder life.

• 35:07Jason Bateman?

  And sure, sure.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  For them, like they, so my dad kept saying to me was, speaking of like the straw mud hut, sort of ethos, he was like, where, where I grew up, this, this doesn't happen. Like there are people like this. And I was like, no, there are, they just, they just had no concept of it. And so they are both scientists, engineers, they, they think in terms of solutions. They think in terms of what can be done to change this and they had.

• 35:31Jason Bateman?

  I understand.

• 35:32Sean Hayes?

  I read when you said, I read you said your dad will still occasionally suggest you could try women and you call it almost endearing homophobia.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  So sweet, isn't it so sweet?

• 35:45Sean Hayes?

  That's so funny.

• 35:46Will Arnett?

  That is so funny.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  It's so nice, bless him.

• 35:49Jason Bateman?

  Um, are they, have you guys had the conversations of like, I guess it turns out there was nothing to really worry about, um, right?

• 35:58Speaker 03

  We've had, oh, yeah.

• 35:59Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, great.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  I think we've, we've done, we've, we've patched it up really nicely. Like they have apologized, I have, I've always kind of understood where they've come from.

• 36:08Will Arnett?

  Yeah, it sounds like, yeah, it sounds like you had a lot of understanding of it. Like even early on, like understanding that like, A, you wanted to go to college. So you were, you were doing it to kind of just go through the motions so you could go. But it does sound like you, I don't hint, there's no hint of any sort of anger towards it. Like you were like, yeah, I get it. I know where they're coming from. That's very kind. That shows a kind spirit, to be honest.

• 36:31Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah, I love that. So I want to go back to, if you don't mind.

• 36:34Will Arnett?

  There's never a subject that Sean doesn't want to get away from.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  More than gay.

• 36:38Sean Hayes?

  He's got his questions.

• 36:40Will Arnett?

  He's never happy where he is. He's always trying to leave where he is.

• 36:44Sean Hayes?

  A hundred percent.

• 36:45Will Arnett?

  We're enjoying Bowen, we're talking to him, we're having a real conversation.

• 36:48Sean Hayes?

  No, I know. Look, if you want, we can talk about being gay all day long.

• 36:51Will Arnett?

  No, I don't want to, whatever.

• 36:52Sean Hayes?

  What?

• 36:53Will Arnett?

  Sean, just go.

• 36:54Sean Hayes?

  Okay, so, so the SNL screen says, we kind of covered that, but I want to talk about, so your first, your first you were hired as a writer at such a young age, which is amazing. You weren't even on camera. You were. And how old were you?

• 37:09Speaker 03

  Twenty, twenty-seven? That's, that's a reasonable age.

• 37:12Sean Hayes?

  That's pretty young, though.

• 37:13Will Arnett?

  That's reasonable.

• 37:14Sean Hayes?

  But, and the first, the first time you were on camera, which made me laugh, the first, I laughed so hard at you playing Kim Jong-un.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  Oh, thanks.

• 37:21Sean Hayes?

  It was so fucking.

• 37:23Will Arnett?

  So good.

• 37:23Sean Hayes?

  It was so funny.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  Jason's already laughing, thinking about it, yeah.

• 37:26Jason Bateman?

  Oh my god, I gotta find that.

• 37:28Sean Hayes?

  It was so funny. I mean, I loved it.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  Thanks.

• 37:31Sean Hayes?

  And then, and then the one, the first thing that ever went super viral was you played the iceberg, the, what is it?

• 37:37Speaker 03

  Yes, the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

• 37:40Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

• 37:42Will Arnett?

  Yeah, Sean, the iceberg that killed the Titanic.

• 37:45Sean Hayes?

  Which is so funny. What was it like? Tell me, talk to me about being a writer and then going, hey, you know what, we think you should be a featured player. And you're Kim Jong-un and you're this iceberg that hit the Titanic hit.

• 37:57Jason Bateman?

  The same sketch?

• 37:58Sean Hayes?

  No, no, no. What was the?

• 37:59Jason Bateman?

  The same sketch?

• 38:01Sean Hayes?

  It was him.

• 38:02Jason Bateman?

  The range on this guy.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  It was him all along.

• 38:04Sean Hayes?

  What was the, was the feeling like, oh my, like, how nervous were you to be doing the thing that you set out to do on the first time?

• 38:12Speaker 03

  So nervous. So what, what I remember from the Kim Jong-un thing was, it was when Sandra Oh hosted, as you said.

• 38:19Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  I was, I was a writer and.

• 38:22Will Arnett?

  Insane, insane.

• 38:23Speaker 03

  Insane, insane. And so they.

• 38:25Will Arnett?

  Well, just insane, just insane in synchronicity, et cetera.

• 38:28Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  I know, it's all, it's all very kismet-y.

• 38:30Jason Bateman?

  How was that conversation when you went, did you go up to her at some point and say, hey, so I just gotta tell you really quick?

• 38:34Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 38:35Will Arnett?

  When I was a kid. Like, did you tell her how much?

• 38:38Speaker 03

  You're both responsible for the son.

• 38:39Will Arnett?

  Yes, okay, good.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, I would like do these, pre-TikTok, I would do these things where I would just like, like, just kind of match, like, on a lip-flap-perfect level, like, the little, like,

• 38:52Will Arnett?

  Oh, my god.

• 38:53Speaker 03

  Whatever, recitals and monologues. And I did her.

• 38:55Will Arnett?

  I saw you lip-sync the whole monologue from Devil Wears Prada.

• 38:59Speaker 03

  I did that, I did, yeah. So like, there was a little-

• 39:01Will Arnett?

  You gotta see it, it's unbelievable.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  I've scrubbed them. I don't know why I'm, like, so ashamed to see them now, because they're so, like, pre-

• 39:06Will Arnett?

  But it's incredible.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  I don't know, they seem prehistoric to me. But anyway, but Sandra and I met before she hosted, and then she hosted, these other writers write me, Streeter Seidel writes me into the sketch where I play Kim Jong-un. I don't have contacts at the time, and they don't put my prescription in the glasses that I wear, and so I had to be off-book, basically, which is not what you do at SNL, as you guys know. Like, I just had to be off-book, I had to, like, call our, call a Korean friend, Karen Chi, who used to write at Seth Meyers. I was like, can you translate these lines into Korean for me? Learned the Korean, was off-book on a foreign language.

• 39:40Will Arnett?

  Whoa.

• 39:41Speaker 03

  Then, it was just, it was just a million different things, and I had a sketch on that week that I had to be, I sat under the bleachers next to Lorne Michaels in the Kim Jong-un costume. Getting, now, it's like, I'm in this Kim Jong-un costume, and he turns to me, he's like, maybe we cut to Keanan sooner, or whatever. I'm like, this is the most surreal, that's still the most surreal week of my life that I've had.

• 40:00Will Arnett?

  Pass the whispering angel.

• 40:03Will Arnett?

  Did you-

• 40:04Speaker 03

  It's my favorite, my favorite rosé.

• 40:05Will Arnett?

  My favorite, it's on ice. Uh, did you, uh, kind of must've been, was it weird being, all the years you were there, just knowing that you were the smartest person in the building? You're learning languages, you're memorizing-

• 40:15Speaker 03

  No way!

• 40:16Will Arnett?

  I mean, come on.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  No, no, no. I was no Colin, I was no economics major. I, um-

• 40:23Sean Hayes?

  He doesn't know, does he? Know French and Korean?

• 40:26Will Arnett?

  Yeah, he can't learn Korean and then memorize it.

• 40:28Sean Hayes?

  Okay, so wait, now, tell me about this, when you, when you were fifteen, fifteen years old, you were doing improv at bars?

• 40:37Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:38Sean Hayes?

  Is that true?

• 40:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, but this is, this is so, that doesn't age well, I feel like-

• 40:43Sean Hayes?

  I think that's fascinating.

• 40:44Will Arnett?

  You gotta start on things.

• 40:46Sean Hayes?

  How did you get in, like, for, for young people listening, it's like, oh, if you can get doing, like, improv, but how did you get into the bars? What happened?

• 40:55Speaker 03

  So, there's a theater in Denver called the Bovine Metropolis Theater. I, it took me years to figure out, it's a play on Cowtown? Anyway, um, bovine metropolis. But anyway, you, they would, they would do like Monday nights, like kind of open mic situations. And, uh, our, our sponsor at the school, who is also my calculus teacher, this wonderful educator named Adrian Holstein.

• 41:19Jason Bateman?

  Calculus, chemistry.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  I know, I know. Oh, stop it. You guys, that's enough. So we, we, they would, it was awful. I don't know who, who let their kids go drive into the city on Mondays. I thought that was so interesting, yeah. But, but it was great. It was embarrassing. Like, like we bombed constantly in front of people who did not give a shit if we lived. Like, it didn't matter if we did well. It was just about like, it's that Chris Rock thing of just like bomb a million times. Right, right, right, right, right.

• 41:48Jason Bateman?

  Where did your sense of humor come from? I mean, your, your parents, you say, they're both scientists, um, and, but maybe, are they super funny? I mean.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  No, certainly not.

• 41:58Jason Bateman?

  How did you develop it? Was it just watching?

• 42:00Speaker 03

  It was my sister. It was, guys, this is, and I, and I, and I hope you guys can accept this or receive this. It's like, I think it was like, do you remember, like, this is the value in like, network comedies, right? It's like, it was everybody like having the same frame of reference. Right. As to what was funny. It was like, it was watching you guys, and sorry to put you on a pedestal, but it was, it was, it was that.

• 42:22Jason Bateman?

  Take your time through here. No, go ahead. Don't say that.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  It was, it was like, it was like going to school. It was going to school the next day being like, oh my God. Yeah, I did the same thing. Did you guys watch Arrested Development? Or it was like, and Sean, like after, after I did this thing. So Jason, my farewell sketch was, was with Cher. And I thought constantly, and I was constantly thinking back to Sean, Sean and Cher together. Um, and it was just, I mean, that's just like peak guest star.

• 42:49Will Arnett?

  God, Sean, I loved it.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  Guest star moment.

• 42:51Will Arnett?

  That was Cher.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  Oh, thanks. So good.

• 42:53Jason Bateman?

  Was that, was that a moment for you when, when, when Will and Grace really hit their stride? And, I mean, yes, there was, there was a moment when Ellen came out, that was, that was the big sort of watershed moment. But then Will and Grace, I believe, followed that, Shawnee?

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:06Jason Bateman?

  And, and, and was that, did you feel a sense of like, well, there, there may be a spot for me. I, I, I, I might be able to just light my hair on fire and say, yeah, I'm not closeted about anything. There is, there is room for, for me and us and et cetera. Yes?

• 43:22Speaker 03

  I don't know if I got that far because I'm telling you guys, like, I never, I would have been, if you'd asked me, right as I moved to New York, or like, right out of college, if you'd asked me what my, like, ideal job was in showbiz, it would have been just to be in a room, just to be in a writer's room. Right. I never placed myself in those things, and I don't know if it's about, like, you know, representation stuff, it was more just about, like, I'm good just knowing the inner works. I would, like, watch The Simpsons and, like, study the credits, like, I was, it was about that. It was like, that was the granular kind of comedy thing that I was working with. Right, right, right. But watching Sean, I think it was about, like, um, oh, this is the language, this is the vocabulary of, like, or this is just a sensibility of what, like, gay queer humor is. Yeah. And then it turns out it's universal.

• 44:05Will Arnett?

  And if I could do that, and take what Sean's doing, what Sean's doing, and just dial it in half, then you could have something, something good.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  You got some kind of future.

• 44:13Will Arnett?

  Like, if you could just make it somewhat palatable, you know what I mean, and then you could...

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Ah, I can only hope.

• 44:20Will Arnett?

  I can say that to the guy who's got four SAG Awards and Emmys and Tonys.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Who counts four?

• 44:25Will Arnett?

  He's like, you're, Sean, are you, are you, you're like a, are you a, are you an Academy Award away from an EGOT?

• 44:32Speaker 03

  No, I, but I, no, mm-mm, and I'm an ET. You got your Tony and your, your Emmy. And, and... You're an ET. And Olivier, so I have a toe.

• 44:39Will Arnett?

  Oh.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  But, uh... And a SAG. And a SAG. I have toes, I have toes.

• 44:43Will Arnett?

  Saggy toes.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  I have saggy toes. Saggy toes.

• 44:47Speaker 03

  We'll be right back.

• 44:50Jason Bateman?

  Did you ever notice the best deals are just obvious, like hotels.com? What do they do, you may ask? Hotels on the internet, and a lot of them, like hundreds of thousands. I don't know why I just turned into Sean Hayes. Plus, if you join for free, you can save up to 20% instantly with member prices, and you earn rewards every time you book. So, your next trip basically starts paying for itself. It's simple, and you get more out of every stay. Sign up for free and book today. Hotels.com, it's all in the name.

• 45:31Jason Bateman?

  All right, back to the show.

• 45:35Sean Hayes?

  Um, wait, Bowen, so, but that, but Jason, if you haven't seen it, the, his, his last, Bowen's last, um, sketch, his goodbye sketch, was, took place in a Delta Lounge, and it was with Ariana Grande and Cher, and it was so clever, how you wrote it, or how you and the writers wrote it, whatever, that you, your wife calls you, and, well, you, can I say?

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:59Sean Hayes?

  You said, I forget what it was about, but you, it was eggnog, right?

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:04Sean Hayes?

  And, and Ariana Grande's character-

• 46:06Speaker 03

  It was the Christmas show.

• 46:07Sean Hayes?

  Yes.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:08Sean Hayes?

  And she says, "All the eggnog you've made over the years, some of it was great, some of it was rotten," and you say, "And a lot of it got cut."

• 46:15Speaker 03

  And a lot of it got cut.

• 46:16Sean Hayes?

  Which is, which is really cute, and it was very emotional, it was really clever, it was really clever to do a Delta Lounge, and you were saying, it was really, like-

• 46:24Speaker 03

  It was, it's a little, yeah, it's, it's a kind of, it's, it's obviously like allegorical, metaphorical, whatever, but I was like, "Oh, something about departures at an airport."

• 46:32Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it was great.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  Something, it was, it was the Christmas show, it was like, "Oh, something about like-"

• 46:36Will Arnett?

  Jason got it, finally.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Jason got it.

• 46:38Jason Bateman?

  That guy, he just takes me a bit.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  He's this old man who works through the eggnog station, and, and then he's like, "Oh, like, eggnog, it's, it's, it's not for everyone, but the people who like it really like it, and they're my kind of people," and like, that's, that, that's like the whole message of it all, and then Cher comes out as the boss, so.

• 46:54Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it was really funny.

• 46:55Will Arnett?

  That is sweet.

• 46:56Jason Bateman?

  Um, what was, what was, talk, walk us through the, the, the thinking about leaving, and, and, and the approach to that, the decision to that, um, what, what the, what the next five to 10 years of your life looks like, if you could program it, and, you know, do you allow yourself to, to kind of make, make plans and, and strategize a bit?

• 47:15Speaker 03

  Kind of.

• 47:17Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  I don't know, I feel like I can't plan around, like, trade wins, I feel like things are just, things are just uncertain.

• 47:25Will Arnett?

  Oh, that is a great way to put it.

• 47:27Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  You know?

• 47:28Will Arnett?

  I love that expression, "Yeah, that's really good, I've never heard that before, that's a fucking great way to put it."

• 47:32Jason Bateman?

  But to, to strangle the metaphor, you do gotta put the, the boat in the water, and, and, and point it, point it one direction, you know?

• 47:40Will Arnett?

  You sunk it, you didn't strangle it, you sunk it.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  No! It's a gorgeous-

• 47:43Jason Bateman?

  Where, where, what island would you like to arrive at?

• 47:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:48Jason Bateman?

  You know, like, do you wanna do, do you wanna do, uh, do you wanna, do you wanna do just purely comedy? Would you like to get into drama? Do you wanna do more acting, uh, more performing, more, what, where, where is your, where are you getting polled right now?

• 48:02Speaker 03

  All of it. I, I honestly, I'm sure you guys feel the same way. Podcasting was never on the, was never on the menu, but it's, it's taken up a lot of space, um, in a good way. I would love all of that. I think, just to go back to like the trade wins thing, it's like, I don't, I'm, I'm honestly like, thinking about where, like, where comedy lives right now. It's like, I feel like even at like the Emmys, it feels like it's like relegated to this place. Even though I think comedy shows have this like extra thing they have to do where it like has to present something optimistic about the world, and it's really hard to do that right now, I think, you know, it's like, I, I don't know, I was, I was

• 48:47Speaker 03

  just watching stuff, I'm watching comedies and watching dramas sort of in equal measure, and I'm like, the dramas are amazing, I love the dramas, but I think the comedies have this extra thing to do where it's supposed to reflect something back at you and also be like a nice, a thing that makes you feel good.

• 49:01Will Arnett?

  Yeah, well, first of all, there's a, there's a lot of, it seems to sort of, the, this trend of a lot of

• 49:09Will Arnett?

  pieces, material that's not necessarily comedy, that gets kind of, uh, you know, grouped in, into that, i- i- under that umbrella. And, and I don't know how much comedy you do watch. I, I find that these days I don't watch a lot of comedy. I don't know if you guys do. I really just don't. I, I don't know if I'm missing it, or it's just not the thing. I, I, I don't know. You can probably tell by, uh, how boring I am.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 49:37Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, there's different, seems like there's different reasons why comedy is, is, is not, not a big thing, as, as, not as a big thing as it used to be.

• 49:46Will Arnett?

  Scripted, you mean, like in that way?

• 49:47Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, it's up for debate, but, um, but we, we need it now more than ever.

• 49:54Will Arnett?

  What are the great, what are the great, I, I, I'm asking all of you, is there, what are the kind of the great scripted comedy things that are out there right now? Yeah, that you would watch?

• 50:03Speaker 03

  The comeback?

• 50:04Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 50:04Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I think that's pretty funny. Yeah.

• 50:06Will Arnett?

  That's bad. I mean, I love, oh, God.

• 50:07Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, she's hilarious.

• 50:09Will Arnett?

  Come back.

• 50:09Speaker 03

  But even that, even that's a little bit like bleak. Like, it's like, oh, this is, this season's about AI. And it's about how like, the writers' rooms have like, two people in them.

• 50:20Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 50:21Speaker 03

  And it's like, whoa, shit, like, this is, this is different than it was 10 years ago when the last season was on. It's like, it just, it has these weird, it just has this weird mirror that like, is sad to look at. And that's what's, that's what's hard.

• 50:34Sean Hayes?

  Right, right, right. What about, I like talking about this, your dating life, because you said-

• 50:38Speaker 03

  I'm bringing this down, so the vibes are so bad.

• 50:41Will Arnett?

  No, I like it.

• 50:42Sean Hayes?

  No, what are you talking about? I love it.

• 50:43Will Arnett?

  No, you're really making me think, Bowen. Because Sean, before we get into the dating life, you're really making me think about that idea that like, and we want to get into your dating life in, in, we actually, we have some graphs.

• 50:54Sean Hayes?

  In five.

• 50:55Will Arnett?

  And we also, your mom sent us some, we printed out some stuff.

• 50:59Jason Bateman?

  Some charts, some chats. About some of your options.

• 51:01Speaker 03

  Some women.

• 51:01Jason Bateman?

  Some of the female options.

• 51:03Sean Hayes?

  But Willie, you know, but you, but in a recent Esquire, but I read your Esquire interview, the What I've Learned piece, when you were reflecting, you said, about work, you said, this is you saying it, you said you feel like you've hit critical mass where you did too much too soon, or something like that. And, and, and you wanted to slow down and focus on quieter work. I, I get that, but just know that, I don't feel, there's millions of people that don't feel that way about you, like-

• 51:28Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I'd take a lot more from you.

• 51:30Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, there's so much more, you know? Yeah, for real.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  Careful.

• 51:34Jason Bateman?

  Drench me.

• 51:36Speaker 03

  Jason.

• 51:37Will Arnett?

  Hang on, Jay, your, your mic went out for a second. What was that? Just so we can get it, guys, quiet, let's get it clean.

• 51:44Jason Bateman?

  Soak me.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  Jason, I gotta say, Jason showing up to SNL was always like, everyone was sort of straightening up, be like, oh, Jason and I had a really nice intimate conversation. It was like, everyone's like, I think he's flirting with me. It was, Jason's a charmer.

• 52:01Jason Bateman?

  He liked to get up nice and close. That place, I love that place so much. I just watched that Lauren documentary. It was really cool. I loved it.

• 52:09Speaker 03

  I haven't seen it yet.

• 52:10Jason Bateman?

  I've been to it a lot.

• 52:11Sean Hayes?

  So, Bowen, because I've read this too, and I want you to only want what you want, but that, that you, that you said it's impossible, you said it's impossible to date during SNL, and where you would go on a couple of dates and then just vanish, like- What's going on?

• 52:29Speaker 03

  I would vanish.

• 52:30Sean Hayes?

  No, you would vanish.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  I put that on me.

• 52:32Sean Hayes?

  Oh, okay.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a self-call in. Like, I'm, I just, I would get swept up in the show, in the work. And like, it's just so hard to like, put any stake in your own life, it felt like. But I mean, that's not to say that it's impossible to do. Now, now, things are fine. Like, things are normal. I'm like, still, still like, unlearning so many things in a way that like, I am grateful for. And I also mourn how my life used to be. Like, I do miss it so much. And I've been getting dinners and lunches with people on the breaks and like, who are still there. And I'm like, oh, it's, it's nice.

• 53:08Sean Hayes?

  And I have to say this because people are listening. It's okay to be single.

• 53:16Will Arnett?

  Why are you saying it like that? And why are you looking at me?

• 53:19Jason Bateman?

  You know, you know what I've never heard of? And again, this is a guy that lives in a cave, I guess.

• 53:22Will Arnett?

  Oh, boy, this list is long. This list is fucking long. Of stuff that you've never heard of.

• 53:28Jason Bateman?

  It's not common to hear about Saturday Night Live hookups and, and, and couples in, with the cast, right? I mean.

• 53:38Sean Hayes?

  Or writers, or whatever.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  I don't think it's a gay thing. I don't think it's a gay thing.

• 53:41Jason Bateman?

  No, but I mean, gay, gay, straight, it doesn't, yeah, just in general. Like, you know, like, people who go to school together, like, that's, that's all you have. Or just your classmates are sort of like, you know, I went out with him last year and this year. Like, you don't hear about that on SNL. And you'd think that you would just based on schedule. Like, you don't have a chance to meet anybody else. Really, you guys are in there all the time.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  We're in there all the time. Oh, but I thought you were talking about, Jason, like, intra-SNL hookups. Within SNL, people are hooking up.

• 54:07Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I mean, castmates dating one another, or a writer with a castmate, or writers and writers, and, or, you don't, right?

• 54:14Speaker 03

  I know, I, yeah.

• 54:15Jason Bateman?

  And you think that you would.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  You're right. I, I just wasn't, yeah, I didn't really encounter that. But I, I don't, I don't feel like I missed out.

• 54:22Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, no, not at all. I love that your, your Instagram handle is at Faye Dunaway. That's your name on Instagram. I didn't know that until recently.

• 54:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:32Sean Hayes?

  I laughed out loud at that. First of all, I can't believe it was available.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  I can't either, and I'm holding on to it for dear life. She wants to, I think she wants it bad.

• 54:42Jason Bateman?

  How much time does your podcast take from you each week?

• 54:46Speaker 03

  It siphons from me like six hours a week, which is not that bad.

• 54:52Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 54:52Speaker 03

  Which is fine.

• 54:54Jason Bateman?

  And with your other time, what's the ratio between work pursuits versus a personal, you know, just taking care of yourself? How hard are you working, Bowen?

• 55:06Speaker 03

  I'm working decently at like a reasonable intensity. I still, I'm exhausted at the end of the day.

• 55:14Jason Bateman?

  Sure.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  I think I'm still kind of like, my nervous system is still sort of like resetting from SNL where it just, it just knows a work is done, then it's time to go to bed. Like it's, there was that switch.

• 55:23Jason Bateman?

  But you have to, you have to now self-program. Like you, there, there was a schedule, you had to be there a certain time, blah, blah, blah. Now you've got to do it all. Are you, are you finding your self-motivation adequate?

• 55:34Speaker 03

  Not yet. It's getting there. It's, how do you guys do it?

• 55:39Jason Bateman?

  Well.

• 55:40Speaker 03

  We're old.

• 55:41Jason Bateman?

  I'm very good about like, when I'm, when I'm working, I'm, I'm very, very disciplined. And when I'm not working, I, I'm, I could not be worse at doing anything responsible.

• 55:53Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. Jason's, one of my favorite quotes is, Jason says, I want to, I want to aggressively do nothing.

• 55:59Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. And then, and then when I'm working, I'm, I'm, I'm an animal.

• 56:02Will Arnett?

  Well, well, actually, the truth is, and I mean this, when he's not working, he obsessively plays golf because it gives him something to do.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:10Will Arnett?

  And so he, so he plays it, so he plays it five, six days a week.

• 56:16Will Arnett?

  And then he'll say to me like, hey, do you want to play tomorrow? I'm like, no. And he's like, I've got like one thing, but I can't do it all the time. Like he has to do it because he needs that.

• 56:24Jason Bateman?

  I have addiction issues, Bowen.

• 56:25Will Arnett?

  I'm much better, I find I'm much better when I'm not working at, at being able to just kind of chill. Like I did my little stuff this morning, then kind of like go to the gym and kind of, I find it like easy, watch some soccer, take a nap.

• 56:36Jason Bateman?

  Those are just saggy days though, right? Where you're like, it doesn't matter if you wake up at 8:00 AM.

• 56:41Will Arnett?

  No, it does.

• 56:41Jason Bateman?

  Or 11:30 AM. Like those days are like, I feel like I'm being irresponsible to another day of life.

• 56:48Will Arnett?

  Oh, I'm still up at six. I'm still up at 6:00 AM every day, but.

• 56:51Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  Good for you.

• 56:53Will Arnett?

  Get the kids to school, all that kind of stuff. You have to do, the kids give you that too, they, you know.

• 56:58Sean Hayes?

  So.

• 56:59Will Arnett?

  Sean's on a, on a strict chocolate cake schedule.

• 57:02Sean Hayes?

  That I do not stray from.

• 57:05Jason Bateman?

  That's got a mixing bowl by 10:30.

• 57:09Will Arnett?

  Sean, really quick, what'd you have for breakfast today?

• 57:12Sean Hayes?

  I, I had blood work done, so I couldn't eat. But then when I came home, I had.

• 57:18Jason Bateman?

  Oh, now, now you're angry.

• 57:20Sean Hayes?

  I had a peanut butter sandwich.

• 57:21Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 57:22Sean Hayes?

  Glass of milk, potato chips. Yeah, yeah.

• 57:25Jason Bateman?

  Before 11 a.m. it was a peanut butter sandwich?

• 57:26Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yep, at 10:30.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  There's a great time, there's a bad time for it.

• 57:31Sean Hayes?

  Not, not, there's always a good time for peanut butter sandwich. So Las Culturistas, which is huge, just hit 10 years. Amazing, they've been doing that podcast for 10 years.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  10.

• 57:40Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it's great, congratulations, yeah, that's huge. It's really cool.

• 57:45Speaker 03

  What year are you guys on?

• 57:46Sean Hayes?

  Six.

• 57:47Jason Bateman?

  Six.

• 57:47Sean Hayes?

  Half that, yeah.

• 57:48Will Arnett?

  Yeah, we just, we're about to hit six.

• 57:50Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, and then you have Cat in the Hat coming out November 6th with Warner Brothers, which is amazing. I love that, Bill Hader, Quentin Reisen. Did you see it yet?

• 58:00Speaker 03

  No.

• 58:01Sean Hayes?

  I love it.

• 58:02Speaker 03

  I forgot that I'm in it.

• 58:05Sean Hayes?

  I think that's gonna be huge. And then the last thing I want to do with you, which is so, it's such a great thing you do on your podcast. It's called, oh, what is it called?

• 58:12Speaker 03

  I Don't Think So Honey.

• 58:13Sean Hayes?

  I Don't Think So Honey.

• 58:14Jason Bateman?

  Good, Sean.

• 58:14Sean Hayes?

  Which is, which is similar to, who's that guy that Jason, you brought on, the taxi cab guy who films?

• 58:19Speaker 03

  Oh, the subway takes guy?

• 58:21Sean Hayes?

  The subway.

• 58:21Jason Bateman?

  Oh, Kareem.

• 58:22Speaker 03

  Kareem.

• 58:22Sean Hayes?

  Kareem. It's a similar thing to what Kareem does, which is you, you have a, you have a thing. I don't want to put you on the spot if you don't have one, but do you have a, I don't think.

• 58:30Speaker 03

  I'm sure, I'm sure I do, I've, I've got one.

• 58:32Sean Hayes?

  Or your favorite one?

• 58:33Speaker 03

  I've got one.

• 58:34Sean Hayes?

  Okay, what is it?

• 58:35Speaker 03

  Um, I Don't Think So Honey, outdoor furniture, it's a scam. It is only meant to be dirtied. There's, your, your cushions are flying all around, you gotta like.

• 58:45Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 58:45Speaker 03

  Bring down the umbrella, it's, there's, the rugs get dirty, there's no maintenance on outdoor furniture. But we, we feel compelled, it is compulsory that we buy it to fill out our outdoor spaces. And yet it never aesthetically looks pleasing. It's a terrible, terrible cycle. It's almost Faustian, I don't know how, but it's like, we give up something, we give up, it's so, the indignation of outdoor furniture is terrible. And I know this is a very like champagne problem-y thing to have, but it's just awful. We have to cover it when it's raining.

• 59:16Sean Hayes?

  It should, it should give you a power washer with it.

• 59:18Will Arnett?

  Oh, I love that, that's a great take.

• 59:22Sean Hayes?

  Mine is, I just thought of this knowing you were coming on, because it just happened to me yesterday, is pulling up to a parking spot where there's a meter, or trying to find a parking spot. Somebody comes out, they get in their car, so you put your clicker on, because they're about to pull out, and they never pull out. They're on their phone, they take 20 minutes.

• 59:39Jason Bateman?

  This is their time.

• 59:40Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 59:40Will Arnett?

  I don't think so, honey.

• 59:41Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 59:42Will Arnett?

  I don't think so, honey.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  I don't think so, now.

• 59:44Sean Hayes?

  But you know what I think, Bowen Yang? You are brilliant, you are hilarious from the first time I saw you. Thank you for being here today.

• 59:50Speaker 03

  I love you guys.

• 59:51Jason Bateman?

  I love that.

• 59:51Will Arnett?

  You're a treasure. You're not just a national treasure, it turns out you're an international treasure of many countries.

• 59:56Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, huh.

• 59:57Speaker 03

  Continentally, North America. The Commonwealths.

• 1:00:00Will Arnett?

  Commonwealths, Commonwealths.

• 1:00:02Sean Hayes?

  Thank you for being here, Bowen.

• 1:00:03Will Arnett?

  Bowen, thank you, man.

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  Thanks, guys. What an honor.

• 1:00:06Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I love it. Thank you.

• 1:00:08Jason Bateman?

  Nice going.

• 1:00:09Speaker 03

  I know Jason hates, he hates an afternoon record.

• 1:00:12Jason Bateman?

  I do.

• 1:00:13Will Arnett?

  Oh my god, you're so right. You're so right. This is staying in.

• 1:00:16Jason Bateman?

  You made it worth it, though.

• 1:00:18Speaker 03

  So keep it in.

• 1:00:19Jason Bateman?

  You made it worth it. You've changed my attitude about it. If they can all be like Bowen Yang records, let's do it then.

• 1:00:26Will Arnett?

  That was really fun. Thanks, Bowen.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  Thanks, Bowen.

• 1:00:28Sean Hayes?

  Thanks, guys. Alrighty.

• 1:00:30Jason Bateman?

  Thanks, buddy.

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 1:00:31Sean Hayes?

  See ya.

• 1:00:31Jason Bateman?

  Have a great rest of the day.

• 1:00:32Sean Hayes?

  Bye.

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  How great.

• 1:00:37Jason Bateman?

  I like him. I like him a lot. I want to be his friend.

• 1:00:39Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  I know. I think we are his friends.

• 1:00:41Will Arnett?

  He's really funny.

• 1:00:42Jason Bateman?

  Do you think he has any openings for friends?

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  I think so. I think he does.

• 1:00:45Jason Bateman?

  I would, I would underperform. I'm, I'm a terrible friend, aren't I?

• 1:00:50Will Arnett?

  Let's have dinner with him.

• 1:00:51Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, he's, he's, he's one of those people that's super intelligent and super funny. And I think the two often go hand in hand. Not in my case, but yeah.

• 1:00:59Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:00Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, and then also, I think it's...

• 1:01:03Will Arnett?

  Oh, sorry. Do you want to push back on that? Sorry.

• 1:01:05Sean Hayes?

  No, I don't want to push back. No.

• 1:01:07Jason Bateman?

  I need to get better about going out to dinner, don't I? In order to be just a halfway decent friend, I need to actually get out of the house.

• 1:01:13Sean Hayes?

  You go, though, sometimes.

• 1:01:15Jason Bateman?

  I mean, but I don't even take your phone calls.

• 1:01:16Will Arnett?

  I know.

• 1:01:17Sean Hayes?

  This is true.

• 1:01:17Jason Bateman?

  That's like, ah.

• 1:01:18Sean Hayes?

  This is true.

• 1:01:19Jason Bateman?

  You guys tried to FaceTime me the other day and I just wouldn't have it.

• 1:01:22Sean Hayes?

  You know what happened today?

• 1:01:23Jason Bateman?

  It was you and Josh, Willie.

• 1:01:24Sean Hayes?

  No, you know what happened today is the three of us were on a texting chain and then I stopped because I know you don't like to get pinged constantly.

• 1:01:32Jason Bateman?

  Well, just build the paragraph and send that. I don't need 17 sentences.

• 1:01:37Will Arnett?

  But sometimes you need a conversation to go back and forth. So we're going back and forth with the thing we were all talking about. And Sean's like, I feel bad because I feel like Jason doesn't want to get annoying.

• 1:01:46Sean Hayes?

  So I took you off and I just went to me and Will.

• 1:01:49Will Arnett?

  We have to manage Gramps.

• 1:01:51Jason Bateman?

  Really?

• 1:01:51Will Arnett?

  Yeah, because he has a breaking point.

• 1:01:54Jason Bateman?

  What about if I'll just leave the conversation? I'll just hit that button if it gets too much.

• 1:01:59Sean Hayes?

  Well, what would you say?

• 1:02:00Will Arnett?

  Jason got so mad at me because he kept leaving Nerdle when we were doing it a few years ago because he didn't want the full back and forth. And then I kept adding him back. He's like, fuck off.

• 1:02:11Jason Bateman?

  It's like the fish that wiggles off the hook and you keep gaffing it and pulling it into the boat.

• 1:02:15Will Arnett?

  It was so funny. I'd be like, guys, watch this. And then I'd add him into the conversation.

• 1:02:19Sean Hayes?

  That is so funny. Jason, what would you say if you left the conversation?

• 1:02:23Jason Bateman?

  I would say bye.

• 1:02:27Will Arnett?

  Smartless.

• 1:02:39Will Arnett?

  Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbaco, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Armjarf.