Pod Insights Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura Is Ray J Gay? w/ Ari Shaffir | Your Mom's House Ep. 858 About this episode The End is here! Ari's new storytelling show is $5.99 per episode at https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ There's a total of 7 episodes for you to enjoy!
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Welcome back to another episode of Your Momma's Place! Christine is still off on the road so Tom is joined by another Jew, Mr. Ari Shaffir. Tom and Ari talk The End and share some stories that were interrupted a few weeks back on 2 Bears., Tom then opens the show with a video of pure black joy, which leads to Tom and Ari discussing the hierarchy of black compliments. Tom and Ari also get into a wild hypothetical involving Michael Jackson, another guy who killed his wife in the tropics, Bruce Bruce, favorite Porn genres, someone named Muddy Buck, plus Tom plays some Horrible or Hilarious clips, and the pair debate a question from a viral video that left Cam Newton speechless: "Is Ray J gay?" That and so much more on Yer Mum's Residence!
Your Mom’s House Ep. 858
https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://christinap.com/
https://store.ymhstudios.com
https://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast
Chapters
00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:53 - Ari's Storytelling Show
00:04:21 - Dunked On By Black Kids
00:09:20 - Not As Good As You Thought
00:14:27 - Ciccio Bomba
00:19:28 - Opening Clip: Black Joy
00:21:32 - The Hierarchy Of Black Compliments
00:30:42 - Big Dick Feminism & Tom's Bruce Bruce Story
00:35:41 - Cutting Stuff Out
00:41:32 - Murder In The Bahamas
00:47:37 - Muddy Buck & Favorite Porn Genres
00:55:18 - Michael Jackson Would You Rather?
00:58:39 - Horrible Or Hilarious
01:10:11 - Is Ray J Gay?
01:21:54 - Ari's Production Cards
01:24:58 - Wrap Up
01:26:59 - Closing Song - "Flender Jewid (AKA Gender Fluid In Your Mouth) by ToasterTub
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Transcript 17,405 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Tom Segura? Did you bring that?
0:00 Speaker 01 No.
0:01 Tom Segura? Was that just here?
0:02 Speaker 01 Yeah. I thought the lady would be here. She's got to be represented.
0:05 Tom Segura? Oh, that's right.
0:07 Speaker 02 Welcome. Welcome to Your Mom's House.
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0:47 Speaker 04 Ready in kamesh, abba shalosh, steim?
0:51 Tom Segura? He knows. The only guy that actually knows what you're fucking saying. Everyone's always like, what kind of cryptic bullshit is that?
0:57 Speaker 01 He's blackmailing the government.
0:58 Tom Segura? Welcome to another episode of Your Mom's House. We're here with the great Ari Shaffir, everybody. Let him hear it.
1:05 Speaker 01 Thank you.
1:07 Tom Segura? Before-
1:07 Speaker 01 Nice. Thank you.
1:08 Tom Segura? We'll obviously get into great detail, but just a reminder to everybody that the end is out. It's at YMHstudios.com. This is multiple episodes with a crazy lineup of comedians doing the storytelling show that you popularized.
1:26 Speaker 01 Pop- alright, I'll-
1:27 Tom Segura? Is that it?
1:29 Speaker 01 It's a four syllable. It was picked for you.
1:30 Tom Segura? Big word. I don't usually speak that.
1:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's crazy.
1:33 Tom Segura? But obviously you had your storytelling show that you used to do around town.
1:37 Speaker 01 Is not happening, which contractually, legally, is completely unrelated to this show.
1:42 Tom Segura? Completely unrelated, but was also a storytelling show.
1:45 Speaker 01 If any other comic says it's the same, that's on them.
1:48 Tom Segura? That's on them.
1:49 Speaker 01 If Tom or I say it, that's a major problem.
1:51 Tom Segura? It's a big problem.
1:52 Speaker 01 So this is a different show.
1:53 Tom Segura? It's a different show, but it was a storytelling show. We would do it, I remember doing it at Melrose and-
1:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, we did it in small rooms and then-
2:01 Tom Segura? And then eventually there was a show on Comedy Central and we did that. And then those clips lived on YouTube where they got, some of them got wildly popular.
2:10 Speaker 01 Millions, well, before that was like a real thing.
2:12 Tom Segura? Yeah.
2:12 Speaker 01 Millions of hits.
2:13 Tom Segura? I remember because I was doing, I did a couple of stories on there. I did, I did my OD story, which went like, it had crazy amount of views. When I tell, last time I saw, can you pull that up? My Tom OD's? That's from your show.
2:27 Speaker 01 It was pretty wild, yeah.
2:28 Tom Segura? And I remember I had never talked about that on stage and you were like, yeah, talk about it on the show.
2:32 Speaker 01 You told me, some of the stories we got were like offstage stories and I'm like, dude, do that. How many, what we got? We fucking recut a lot. No, that's the right one.
2:41 Tom Segura? It's got 16 million views.
2:43 Speaker 01 12.5 million subscribers. Really? 16 million views?
2:45 Tom Segura? 16 million views, yeah.
2:47 Speaker 01 I thought 16 M was meters.
2:50 Tom Segura? Yeah, that is, well, M's can stand for different things, but that's, that's pretty crazy.
2:54 Speaker 01 16 million views, especially as you as a comic then were like, not killing it?
3:00 Tom Segura? 12 years ago?
3:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:02 Tom Segura? Yeah, I mean.
3:02 Speaker 01 Doing okay, but it's a nice, like.
3:06 Tom Segura? It was a nice bump.
3:07 Speaker 01 Pushing to people's homes.
3:07 Tom Segura? Oh yeah, that was a real nice like bump. And then I did it again. I did my Bruce Bruce story.
3:13 Speaker 01 Oh yeah.
3:14 Tom Segura? Which was also so, like, again, one of those things where, this is what was great, I loved about the format, is that I like telling stories anyway, but, and that has, what is it? That has 6 million views.
3:26 Speaker 01 Wow.
3:28 Tom Segura? I like telling stories, but sometimes you go, this is what I've learned, like touring with stories. Sometimes you're like, it's, you need the long form version to tell the story and it doesn't quite fit into like the hour format.
3:43 Speaker 01 Especially when you're doing joke jokes and then suddenly like, all right, now we're gonna slow down for about 18 minutes.
3:48 Tom Segura? Yeah, so this became a place where you could do those things and.
3:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, you set up the crowd to like, they're ready for it. Everybody's like, can I just like, this crowd's ready for it? Don't worry about that.
4:00 Tom Segura? I used to always get so fucking irritated at the guys who would be doing their act. I'd be like, they're not doing the show.
4:07 Speaker 01 Maybe so mad. Can you go put a bleep button on if I need it?
4:10 Tom Segura? Yep.
4:11 Speaker 01 You were in Montreal, we're doing one and, that's the one, just, just straight act. And then afterwards, he was like, that was so fun, thanks man. I'm like, you ruined it.
4:20 Tom Segura? You didn't do the show.
4:21 Speaker 01 That what?
4:22 Tom Segura? There was another guy who I watched, I think at Melrose.
4:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:26 Tom Segura? And I was like, I was in the back of the room shaking my head.
4:31 Speaker 01 Angry.
4:31 Tom Segura? Like, I was like.
4:33 Speaker 01 Cause you gotta do it. You're nervous.
4:34 Tom Segura? Exactly.
4:35 Speaker 01 This is out of my comfort zone.
4:36 Tom Segura? You fucking are supposed to do what we're all doing here. And I could tell that. And the thing is, they're doing it out of fear.
4:42 Speaker 01 Out of fear, instead of just trying something.
4:43 Tom Segura? Yeah, they're just like, I don't want to risk it not working.
4:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, Ralphie was like, I remember him doing one and he was, he did a great story about getting dunked on by, I think Corliss Williamson in junior high school.
4:54 Tom Segura? Oh, God.
4:54 Speaker 01 So, and he got nuts in the face.
4:56 Tom Segura? Yeah.
4:57 Speaker 01 So this, this, this like ninth grader was just a beast. And he didn't really ever do that one. Yeah, he didn't do that one. He did it live at the improv and he goes, I'm nervous. I haven't really done this before.
5:08 Tom Segura? Yeah.
5:09 Speaker 01 And I'm like, Ralphie's nervous is crazy. The only time he got nervous is when they ran out of wings.
5:14 Tom Segura? Yeah.
5:17 Tom Segura? There was this thing, dude, you remember by the, you ever have, when you, when you're a kid and you play sports, you allow yourself to fantasize so much about going to the next level and you have those.
5:30 Speaker 01 Throwing the ball to yourself and like, in the game seven of the world, strike one, okay. It's game seven of the world, oh, strike two.
5:35 Tom Segura? And then if you's like, if you're playing organized sports and like you're, you're a starter and you're, you're like, I'm pretty good, right? And then you have those like.
5:47 Speaker 01 This guy's gonna go on to play at Arkansas.
5:49 Tom Segura? The day that like you're humbled, you just never forget. For basketball, see, people would think it was a few years ago. It was actually many, many years ago when I was playing.
6:00 Speaker 01 What thing is a few years ago?
6:01 Tom Segura? I was playing, you know, middle school and I was a pretty decent player. And then we got to high school and we went one day to the gym. This was in, uh, Milwaukee, the suburbs of Milwaukee and Milwaukee, um.
6:16 Speaker 01 You grew up there?
6:17 Tom Segura? I, for a couple of years.
6:18 Speaker 01 Okay.
6:18 Tom Segura? And I went to, I went to the big, one of the, one of the big public high schools. And we go to the gym, we're gonna like, try to get in on some pickup game. We're all like, you know, pretty good.
6:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:28 Tom Segura? Like we play basketball.
6:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:29 Tom Segura? And we walk in and Milwaukee is a very segregated city, very, considered to be the most segregated major city in America.
6:37 Speaker 01 What do you mean? Like men on outside, women on that? Like a Jewish wedding?
6:39 Tom Segura? Hmm, I'm talking more like. So they had this, they called it, I think they called it the two twenty program, which is they would bus in inner city kids.
6:50 Speaker 01 To dominate you?
6:51 Tom Segura? To, to go to this high school so that they weren't just going to the high schools over there. So we go into the, to the big, you know, auditorium, like gym at school. And we're watching, and we all kind of just walk in and I watched a high school kid on a fast break, cup the ball and do a side dunk, like like this. And we were all like, ah, fuck. We're never gonna play.
7:19 Speaker 01 It just hits you like, oh, everything I thought is wrong.
7:22 Tom Segura? Yeah, everything I thought is wrong. Everything I thought is not real.
7:26 Speaker 01 This is not, not just dunk, that you can dunk, but like, well, dunking is boring.
7:30 Tom Segura? And then there was a Nigerian guy who was shirtless and fat. He had a gut.
7:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:36 Tom Segura? And his name was Afuma.
7:37 Speaker 01 Okay.
7:38 Tom Segura? And he did a three sixty.
7:39 Speaker 01 What?
7:39 Tom Segura? Shirtless and fat. And we were like, we were like, we should fuck.
7:42 Speaker 01 Damn it.
7:43 Tom Segura? We should play tag.
7:45 Speaker 01 Andy Haynes said he had this when he was skiing, he was like a high level skier. And they were doing this jump and over a street, over a road.
7:52 Tom Segura? Yeah.
7:52 Speaker 01 Jumping over this road. And he did it. He was like, sick. And then he looked back and the other guys were flipping over it. And he goes, oh, I'll never be on that. Okay. Yeah, I know where I am.
8:02 Tom Segura? I have a hobby.
8:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:05 Speaker 01 It's funny, it's coincides a lot when you find out you're not going to be as good as you thought.
8:09 Tom Segura? Yeah.
8:10 Speaker 01 Coincides with
8:13 Speaker 01 meeting a black person.
8:14 Tom Segura? Yeah.
8:15 Speaker 01 It's right around the same time.
8:16 Tom Segura? All your dreams are crushed by meeting a black person. In football, it happened to me later.
8:22 Speaker 01 Really?
8:23 Tom Segura? It happened to me later. It was also a black guy, though. Yeah. And it was a teammate. I've told this story, but it, I always remember it that, you know, you're, I'm playing in high school. I'm starting both ways.
8:35 Speaker 01 Really?
8:35 Tom Segura? Yeah. And I know I'm.
8:36 Speaker 01 Two way starter?
8:37 Tom Segura? Yeah, I was two way starter on the line. It was a center and defensive tackle. So I'm like, I'm always on the field. And like, you know, I make plays. I know I'm not like a fucking five star player, but I, I never had, I played against a couple of guys that ended up playing in the NFL. So I knew that they were different, obviously. But I didn't realize how crazy good the guy next to me was. You know what I mean?
9:02 Speaker 01 Cause you're gonna play against him.
9:03 Tom Segura? Yeah, cause we're always like on the same. And one day we did a drill, I think I was, I forget if I was a junior or senior, but we did a drill past Rush Drill where I was blocking. And the way that he went past me and I didn't know what was happening. Yeah, I was like.
9:19 Speaker 01 Just one fake and like gone like, wait, what?
9:22 Tom Segura? And I asked for them to do it again. I was like, again. And the coach was like, yeah, sure. And he lined them up again.
9:26 Speaker 01 That wasn't right?
9:27 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah.
9:27 Speaker 01 I don't accept that. That was luck.
9:29 Tom Segura? And he did it just over and over. And I was like, oh shit. Okay. Oh yeah, there's a reason that the, the college recruits are at practice watching him.
9:38 Speaker 01 It wasn't for me? It wasn't because I'm also have a 3.4 GPA?
9:43 Tom Segura? Cause it's, there's a reason Mississippi State and Syracuse are at practice today.
9:48 Speaker 01 I actually had that later with swimming when I went to, I think it was your house.
9:53 Tom Segura? But you're a good swimmer, you're saying?
9:54 Speaker 01 I thought I was okay, cause I swam a little bit.
9:57 Tom Segura? Yeah.
9:58 Speaker 01 And then I, I, I got challenged by a fat Floridian.
10:02 Tom Segura? Oh Bart.
10:03 Speaker 01 Yeah. And I was like, oh, crush you dude, you're fat, not a shit. It was my first time I saw the Mickey Mantle, Gene.
10:07 Tom Segura? He, he, I remember told me about how great of a swimmer he was. But then I think on his, you know, he did that, what's that like festival thing he does?
10:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, the Burt's.
10:17 Tom Segura? There's a comic who forgive me for not knowing, was a college swimmer.
10:21 Speaker 01 Oh.
10:22 Tom Segura? I forget, somebody in this circle swam in college. And Bert was like, I bet.
10:27 Speaker 01 I'll dominate you.
10:28 Tom Segura? Yeah, and the guy, and whoever, it's him.
10:30 Speaker 01 Broussard was?
10:31 Tom Segura? Matthew Broussard.
10:31 Speaker 01 College swimmer? And so, okay, nice.
10:34 Tom Segura? I think this, I might be getting it kind of wrong, but you know, Bert was like, I bet I can. And Matthew was like, you can start like in the middle.
10:44 Tom Segura? And Bert was like, it was insane. I'm like, yeah, he swam in college, bro.
10:48 Speaker 01 Bert's also good at going, okay, I think I do believe I won't win this if he swam in college, no. But let me talk trash like, like this guy's just started today.
10:55 Tom Segura? And also let me be sure, I still will, I want to make the claim until you prove me wrong. Yeah, there he is.
11:01 Speaker 01 Oh my God, he's got, what the fuck, Matthew? Is that a Photoshop on both their parts? Neither one of those look like real bodies.
11:10 Tom Segura? Yeah, that dude.
11:11 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
11:12 Tom Segura? Is a better swimmer than Burke.
11:13 Speaker 01 Dude, there's a few comics who are better than anybody you've ever met at a sport. Judah Friedlander, ping pong.
11:18 Tom Segura? Oh, really?
11:19 Speaker 01 Kelsey Cook, foosball.
11:20 Tom Segura? I, I learned about that, that she, um, and she also told me a great story about how fun it is because men will be like.
11:29 Speaker 01 All right, little lady.
11:30 Tom Segura? I'll fucking, I'll give you a little lesson there.
11:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:32 Tom Segura? And then she just, she can like, look at them as she does it, you know?
11:35 Speaker 01 She, I thought it was good because he had a foosball table at the Comedy Store. He played nonstop up there.
11:39 Tom Segura? She's a championship level player.
11:41 Speaker 01 And I scored one off her.
11:42 Tom Segura? Yeah.
11:43 Speaker 01 I think we did it at my old podcast, I did one and I scored one, let's play. And I scored, I was like, oh, you fucking bitch, dumb twat. And then she was like, all right. And then it was like 15 straight and you can't, at some point.
11:54 Tom Segura? You don't even know what's happening.
11:55 Speaker 01 See the ball.
11:55 Tom Segura? Yeah.
11:56 Speaker 01 You're just like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
11:58 Tom Segura? Yeah.
11:58 Speaker 01 Wait.
11:58 Tom Segura? Stop.
11:59 Speaker 01 Dropping it again, dropping it again.
12:01 Tom Segura? That's crazy. Wait, so what is Friedlander, was he a competitive player?
12:05 Speaker 01 Ping pong, yeah.
12:06 Tom Segura? Like he.
12:06 Speaker 01 I'd see him at like, you know, when you're like, go to like the pickup games at the park.
12:10 Tom Segura? Yeah.
12:10 Speaker 01 Of your neighborhood where it's like, that's where all the good players, he's that for ping pong and.
12:14 Tom Segura? I wonder who it is.
12:15 Speaker 01 Or other places.
12:16 Tom Segura? I wonder who it is for chess, there's gotta be a dominant chess player.
12:19 Speaker 01 I mean, you'd have to be not a dumb fuck.
12:21 Tom Segura? Definitely.
12:21 Speaker 01 Which negates pretty much all of us.
12:23 Tom Segura? Most, yes.
12:25 Speaker 01 Those comics are dumb.
12:26 Tom Segura? I always talk to Kirk about how when you're at the hallway of the store.
12:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:30 Tom Segura? And there's guys, the comics are walking around, you're like, this is a mental asylum. Like, this is, this is crazy people.
12:37 Speaker 01 When people go like, why is that guy so weird? I started going, giving benefit of the doubt. I'm like, well, it's probably a comedian going to the belly room. If they're weird, they're probably trying to make a joke.
12:45 Tom Segura? Yeah.
12:45 Speaker 01 But then also some of them are just.
12:47 Tom Segura? Insane.
12:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:48 Tom Segura? It's fully insane.
12:49 Speaker 01 And you're forced around insane people.
12:51 Tom Segura? Yeah.
12:52 Speaker 01 Signing up for open mics, you're like, we're all trying to make it. And other people are like, oh, I'm just trying to find a warm place for an hour.
12:56 Tom Segura? Yeah.
12:57 Speaker 01 That's, that's, I'm trying to make it, bro. I've made it if I'm in. Here you go, I'm giving this to you, but I am Ari Shaffir.
13:06 Speaker 01 It's a fucking crazy night we're gonna have here.
13:09 Tom Segura? Shit's about to go down, look.
13:11 Speaker 01 And we're here to talk ball. This is a love story. Media, herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS. I'm dead, Brad. I'll stab you in your mother.
13:19 Speaker 05 One of the worst things that could happen. What's your favorite Bible verse? I'm like, I don't know any, I'm Catholic. Did you just shit your pants? It's not my shit. If you're up there, lady, don't call me. I'm the bad guy in the story, I know that. I'll be a better person tomorrow. At least he's consistent. Finally, something we can agree on.
13:38 Speaker 01 I'm disgusted and heartbroken.
13:41 Speaker 01 Not the evening I planned, but I'm having a blast. Now if you'll excuse me.
13:45 Tom Segura? I think we can all agree that online shopping has gotten dangerously easy, especially when you get to checkout and see that purple Shop Pay button. No more digging for my wallet or password reset bullshit. It's online shopping, but streamlined. You can say thanks to Shopify for that.
14:03 Tom Segura? Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the US. From household names and brands like ours here at YMH, not only is our merch store powered by Shopify, Christina turned to them when launching her cosmetics line and it's been a dream. Shopify possesses world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory and international shipping to processing returns and 24/7 customer support. Shopify will even help you get your brand out there as if there was an entire marketing team beyond you with easy-to-run email and social media campaigns. See less carts go abandoned, more sales go cha-ching with Shopify and their Shop Pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com/ YMH.
14:48 Tom Segura? Go to Shopify.com/ YMH. That's Shopify.com/ YMH.
14:57 Tom Segura? Before I play our opening clip, another thing I have to say is that finally, my flagship bakery.
15:03 Speaker 01 Explain to me what the fuck this is.
15:05 Tom Segura? Okay.
15:05 Speaker 01 So now you don't eat all the bread, you want to give it to other people?
15:09 Tom Segura? Yeah, exactly.
15:10 Speaker 01 Interesting. I hate Thin Tom.
15:13 Tom Segura? Really?
15:13 Speaker 01 I fucking hate this guy.
15:15 Tom Segura? You hate me?
15:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:17 Tom Segura? You want me to get fat?
15:18 Speaker 01 Yes.
15:19 Tom Segura? You're like the people in the comments.
15:20 Speaker 01 They want you to get fat?
15:21 Tom Segura? Of course.
15:22 Speaker 01 They want you fat?
15:24 Tom Segura? Uh, nonstop. Yeah, I miss Fat Tom.
15:27 Speaker 01 I, listen, Fat Tom, you could look down on. Fat Tom wouldn't bake other people bread. Fat Tom would just be hoarding the bread.
15:35 Tom Segura? And that's what you want?
15:36 Speaker 01 Because eventually you're gonna look away and I'll steal your bread.
15:38 Tom Segura? Oh, okay.
15:39 Speaker 01 And now you're selling it for a profit at a fucking coffee shop.
15:42 Tom Segura? Yeah.
15:42 Speaker 01 What do you got, baguettes? What do you got? What do you got? Those croissants?
15:46 Tom Segura? Yeah.
15:46 Speaker 01 Sweet croissants?
15:47 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah. It's, I mean, look at this.
15:51 Speaker 01 Wow.
15:51 Tom Segura? Follettella.
15:53 Speaker 01 Wait, what is this deal? What, what, what's the deal?
15:57 Tom Segura? I'll tell you the story.
15:58 Speaker 01 I'm joking around about Fat Tom, but what is the deal?
16:00 Tom Segura? This is the story. I used to go to this place in LA. I used to always tell people, I mean, I even talked about it in my act, how much I love croissants. And one day.
16:11 Speaker 01 It's, it's the breakfast version of, of slice of pizza and go.
16:14 Tom Segura? It's the best.
16:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's the best.
16:15 Tom Segura? And there's so many disappointing ones, just like with pizza. So when you find a really killer one, you get excited. So somebody told me, go to this guy's place if you love croissant. I go, really? And the person told me, best croissants in LA. So I got excited.
16:30 Speaker 01 Okay.
16:31 Tom Segura? I go.
16:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:32 Tom Segura? I order one and I'm like, holy shit.
16:35 Speaker 01 It's great.
16:35 Tom Segura? These are amazing. So I meet the guy, his name's Giamba, Italian guy from Cinque Terre in Italy. And I start, I go, these are the best croissants I've ever had. I start to frequent the place and, and one day I do, you know, like a Instagram post. I go, I'm at this guy's place. These are the best croissants.
16:52 Speaker 01 You can trust me, I'm a fat piece of shit.
16:54 Tom Segura? I'm fat.
16:54 Speaker 01 Trust me.
16:55 Tom Segura? I have credibility. And I post that.
16:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:58 Tom Segura? And they were like, dude, all these people.
17:00 Speaker 01 Started going.
17:01 Tom Segura? Came today and they were just like, thank you. Like, you know, it was just like, thanks for doing, I go.
17:04 Speaker 01 Good work.
17:05 Tom Segura? You don't owe me anything. I just love the, it's just like when you go to a great, the, the great thing about when you find a great spot is you tell other people.
17:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:12 Tom Segura? And then they go, holy shit, thanks for telling me that was amazing. So it's that type of relationship. As a fantasy, I was like, man, I wish, I wish you, I could have your place in Austin. Selfishly, because I love your food.
17:27 Speaker 01 Okay.
17:27 Tom Segura? No, I'm saying, cause these places in LA. Well, one day we start talking and he's, and I'm like, that would be crazy if we could do that in Austin. And, and then one day he's like, yeah, I would. If you wanna, if you wanna partner up, I'll do it.
17:40 Speaker 01 Really?
17:41 Tom Segura? So.
17:41 Speaker 01 Did he say it like this?
17:42 Tom Segura? He's like, if you want the, I, I move.
17:45 Speaker 01 It's you and it's a me and together we are the.
17:48 Tom Segura? Today we do the thing and we sell the, the croissant. So then he, he moves here. We open a pop-up location because it takes, like, we have to find a place to open our place and we have to.
17:59 Speaker 01 See, there's a pop-up.
18:00 Tom Segura? So the pop-up's at the fairground, which is under the Wells Fargo building in downtown.
18:05 Speaker 01 Okay.
18:05 Tom Segura? Then we opened a counter place where you could, like in the Scarborough building. Like as you walk into the building.
18:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:11 Tom Segura? You can, we have a little set.
18:13 Speaker 01 And how do people go for it?
18:15 Tom Segura? What do you mean?
18:16 Speaker 01 Do they, do people find out about it?
18:17 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah. I mean, they found, they found out about it from just walking around, from us talking about it. But the whole focus has been to get this brick and mortar location open. And so it is now open and it's 1100 South Lamar. It's right, if you're looking at the Alamo Drafthouse, like if you walk out of there, we're on the corner there. And we have, we have all the breakfast pastries. We have homemade Italian sandwiches.
18:45 Speaker 01 Ooh.
18:45 Tom Segura? Fresh pizza and we have a full bar.
18:48 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
18:49 Tom Segura? Yeah. And so it's, um, it's really exciting for me because I've always wanted to share how amazing this guy is.
18:56 Speaker 01 Are you gonna do, like, what do you call it? Pull?
18:59 Tom Segura? Uh, pull at the?
19:00 Speaker 01 Pull coffee?
19:01 Tom Segura? I mean, I could pull coffee. I like serving. Like I go, I go behind the counter and I just take orders and I, I serve.
19:06 Speaker 01 Really?
19:07 Tom Segura? Yeah. I, I mean, I'm.
19:08 Speaker 01 Wow. That's fun though.
19:10 Tom Segura? It's very fun. And it's like, it's the best. Here's the thing. I don't have to sell you on it. His shit is unbelievable. Yeah, it's totally him.
19:18 Speaker 01 Partners.
19:18 Tom Segura? Yeah, we're partners.
19:19 Speaker 01 Hey, can I suggest an ad for you?
19:20 Tom Segura? Sure.
19:21 Speaker 01 Just because of the South Lamar?
19:22 Tom Segura? Yeah.
19:22 Speaker 01 And my immediate thought went to Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds.
19:25 Tom Segura? Uh huh.
19:25 Speaker 01 Can you do a big thing with like, you're holding a big rod of like croissants and you're going like this?
19:30 Tom Segura? Uh huh.
19:30 Speaker 01 And then chuck them?
19:31 Tom Segura? Chuck them? Yeah.
19:32 Speaker 01 Guys, team, tech team? Can you, yes. Remember when he threw that and he was like, it's all bendy?
19:38 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:38 Speaker 01 Do one of those, but with croissants.
19:40 Tom Segura? And then be like, come see us on South Lamar.
19:42 Speaker 01 Yes.
19:43 Tom Segura? Yes.
19:43 Speaker 01 Yes.
19:44 Tom Segura? Yes. That is a good idea.
19:45 Speaker 01 Okay, thank you. I have some ideas.
19:48 Tom Segura? Okay.
19:48 Speaker 01 That's fucking cool, dude. It's a business.
19:50 Tom Segura? It's very exciting.
19:51 Speaker 01 It's like you're building yourself too.
19:53 Tom Segura? I love, I love it. It's my, it's the favorite thing I've ever like.
19:56 Speaker 01 I'll go.
19:56 Tom Segura? Please come, please come. And I hope you guys check it out. All right. Here is our opening clip. Ready? Here we go.
20:03 Speaker 06 I'm at David Buster.
20:04 Speaker 01 Oh, you're David Buster.
20:05 Speaker 06 I'm having a good time.
20:06 Tom Segura? He's having a good time.
20:07 Speaker 06 I'm enjoying myself. Looking forward to my birthday tomorrow.
20:14 Speaker 01 What? Who was Ryan? What?
20:17 Tom Segura? Black Joy.
20:18 Speaker 01 It's just Black Joy.
20:19 Tom Segura? It's just Black Joy.
21:03 Speaker 01 That's too long.
21:04 Tom Segura? It's always been too long.
21:05 Speaker 01 It's too long.
21:06 Tom Segura? It's always been too long.
21:07 Speaker 01 It's frustrating. At some point, it's too long.
21:09 Tom Segura? It's always been the longest.
21:11 Speaker 01 Wow. You kind of get over it and then it starts nagging at you?
21:14 Tom Segura? Yeah.
21:14 Speaker 01 And then you're like, and then you're fully aware that it's too long, which is a longer period.
21:19 Tom Segura? I know.
21:19 Speaker 01 In between it's starting to notice too long to when you're like, hey, and then eventually like, hey, you gotta say something. It's so long.
21:26 Tom Segura? It's one of my favorite things is when people come in and they, you know, don't know anything about, and they, and it's, and they go, what's going on? Well, as a tone, they go, what's happening right now? And I'm like, it's the intro. And they're like, still?
21:36 Speaker 01 I mean, I could have been returning emails. It was like, it was like, oh, we're in a commercial break?
21:40 Tom Segura? I know.
21:41 Speaker 01 It's crazy.
21:41 Tom Segura? It's just how it is.
21:44 Tom Segura? That's why I said it. I mean, I
21:46 Speaker 01 What's he laughing?
21:47 Tom Segura? I don't know. He's just really happy about his birthday, Dave and Buster's.
21:50 Speaker 01 He seems like he's on mushrooms, just like laughing over nothing.
21:53 Tom Segura? It also reminds me of my father, you know? That's where, one of the reasons I play it is because he just loved watching black people have fun. He used to say it all the time. So, yeah.
22:02 Speaker 01 What do you think, you know, when you're done with the show and somebody's like, hey, good show? For the audience, you're like, you know, thank you.
22:08 Tom Segura? Yeah.
22:08 Speaker 01 But, you know, you've done, played for a million people, so thank you, but to a degree, thank you.
22:12 Tom Segura? Uh huh.
22:13 Speaker 01 But then when a black guy says thank you.
22:14 Tom Segura? It's so much better.
22:15 Speaker 01 What do you think the ratio is? I know what I have.
22:18 Tom Segura? What is that?
22:18 Speaker 01 Black compliment to white compliment.
22:20 Tom Segura? Oh.
22:21 Speaker 01 Or, or cool shirt, also black compliment to white compliment. What's, what to one?
22:25 Tom Segura? Okay. You're talking about one of my favorite topics of all time.
22:27 Speaker 01 Okay.
22:28 Tom Segura? Which is the hierarchy of black compliments.
22:30 Speaker 01 Yes.
22:30 Tom Segura? I've thought about it extensively.
22:32 Speaker 01 Oh.
22:33 Tom Segura? So, the way that I rank black compliments.
22:37 Speaker 01 Okay.
22:37 Tom Segura? I think there's like a, pretty much a top five.
22:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
22:40 Tom Segura? Uh, first of all, you're fit if they go, if a, if a black person compliments your outfit.
22:46 Speaker 01 You're fit. Oh, right.
22:47 Tom Segura? Yeah, that's, that's.
22:48 Speaker 01 That's higher.
22:49 Tom Segura? You know that you did a good job. You're like, oh shit.
22:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:52 Tom Segura? Okay. Right above that is if they just compliment your shoes. That's definitely a bigger.
22:57 Speaker 01 It's bigger than an outfit.
22:59 Tom Segura? It's bigger than an outfit, I think, because shoes are like a staple of black culture. You know, like sneakers. So like if, if, if a black guy is like, those are some sweet kicks. You're like, okay, I'm gonna clean these and put them in, make sure that I wear these on the appropriate occasions.
23:14 Speaker 01 Okay, okay.
23:15 Tom Segura? After that would be a black guy, um, complimenting your music choice. If you're listening to a song and a black guy's like, yo, like, like you're DJing.
23:29 Speaker 01 And he's like, my.
23:29 Tom Segura? He's like, you're like.
23:31 Speaker 01 That feels great. You're like, wow.
23:33 Tom Segura? You have to play it off. Be like, oh, yeah, it's just.
23:35 Speaker 01 And again, for context, and then if a white guy says the same thing, like, nice playlist. You're like, thanks.
23:39 Tom Segura? Yeah, thanks, man.
23:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
23:40 Tom Segura? Yeah, but the black guy doing it. Um, and then second to, like, the second best, like, of the whole black compliment thing.
23:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:50 Tom Segura? Is a compliment about you being funny. It's 10 times more powerful than a white guy saying you're funny.
23:56 Speaker 01 You think it's 10 to one?
23:58 Tom Segura? I think, yeah. I mean, maybe you can go five to one on it.
24:01 Speaker 01 I had eight to one in my, in my own. I have eight to one. There's no wrong answers here.
24:04 Tom Segura? There's no wrong, but it's definitely.
24:05 Speaker 01 The amount of joy it brings you.
24:06 Tom Segura? It's the amount of, it's so much stronger. Um, and also like.
24:10 Speaker 01 Outfit. Okay, okay, okay.
24:12 Tom Segura? If he's a real buttoned up black guy, it's not the same.
24:14 Speaker 01 It's not the same. If he's a Carlton, it's not quite the same.
24:17 Tom Segura? It's not the same. You want it to be like, you know, a little.
24:19 Speaker 01 You want a Jazzy Jeff over a Carlton.
24:21 Tom Segura? Definitely. And then I think number one.
24:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:24 Tom Segura? Is athletic prowess. If a black guy talks about like your jump shot or something, you're like, all right, just bury me now. Like, just, let's just call it a day.
24:34 Speaker 01 Okay, I got a story for each one of these. Now, I want you to notice that I let you finish before jumping in.
24:39 Tom Segura? It's how conversations work.
24:40 Speaker 01 It's how conversations work. Are you done with this? I can hold this thought for a minute till you're done with that.
24:45 Tom Segura? No, that's good.
24:45 Speaker 01 Obviously, there's no reason I had to jump in because I already have in my head. What I want to add.
24:50 Tom Segura? And you.
24:51 Speaker 01 Finish your thought and I'll get to what I wanted to tell you.
24:54 Tom Segura? And it's an exchange of ideas.
24:56 Speaker 01 Exchange of ideas.
24:57 Tom Segura? Finish what you're saying. Thanks for
24:59 Speaker 01 Yes.
24:59 Tom Segura? laying the table at what this conversation's about.
25:02 Speaker 01 I'm glad you brought that up.
25:05 Tom Segura? I also can contribute.
25:06 Speaker 01 Yes.
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27:13 Speaker 01 Okay. What was five again?
27:15 Tom Segura? Five was outfit.
27:16 Speaker 01 Five outfit. Uh, okay, I got one. I have one for each of these. I was at, um, I think Wyatt Senek's show in Brooklyn, doesn't matter. And there was a black guy in there with Ilana Glazer and he said, uh, I like your sweater. Nice sweater. It's cool.
27:28 Tom Segura? How good did that feel?
27:29 Speaker 01 It felt so good. Found out later it was Questlove.
27:35 Speaker 01 Even better.
27:35 Tom Segura? It's way better.
27:36 Speaker 01 Way better, for sure. And that guy's got style on top of just being black.
27:40 Tom Segura? And, and, and musical genius.
27:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, H and M sweater. Loved it. And I'm like, thanks, man.
27:46 Tom Segura? Thanks, Questlove.
27:47 Speaker 01 Who was that guy that was like really nice? And they were like, yeah, they were like, that was a.
27:51 Tom Segura? Did he have a pick in his hair?
27:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:53 Tom Segura? Yeah.
27:54 Speaker 01 Uh, number two, shoes.
27:56 Tom Segura? Yeah.
27:56 Speaker 01 Monroe Martin and Derek Ains. Consistently, I was trying for a little bit to rock these bowling shoes that I stole.
28:06 Speaker 01 I thought they were cool.
28:07 Tom Segura? Yeah, hence why you stole them.
28:08 Speaker 01 Yeah. And they informed me that it was not cool.
28:11 Tom Segura? Oh, okay.
28:12 Speaker 01 It's the opposite.
28:12 Tom Segura? Okay.
28:13 Speaker 01 I never wore them again.
28:14 Tom Segura? Yep.
28:14 Speaker 01 Because of how powerful the black compliment is.
28:16 Tom Segura? Yeah.
28:16 Speaker 01 And the black insult right there with it.
28:17 Tom Segura? Yeah.
28:18 Speaker 01 What's three?
28:19 Tom Segura? Three would be your music choices.
28:21 Speaker 01 Music choices. Okay. I got one very too.
28:24 Tom Segura? Wow.
28:25 Speaker 01 Yeah. Uh, uh, listening to, uh, Led Zeppelin in college, doing an all nighter in the whatever. And then the, the, the, what's the fix it guy, like a janitor guy comes in.
28:36 Tom Segura? Mm hmm.
28:36 Speaker 01 And he's cool, younger guy, like 35 or something. You know, I'm 22.
28:40 Tom Segura? Yeah.
28:40 Speaker 01 And he goes, oh, hell yeah, man, Led Zeppelin. And I was like, you know Led Zeppelin? He goes, yeah, well, they didn't play hip hop on the radio when I was growing up. So the closest we got was black inspired white music.
28:50 Tom Segura? Yeah.
28:51 Speaker 01 And I love Led Zeppelin. And I was like, oh, hell yeah.
28:53 Tom Segura? Yeah. See, that's stuck with you.
28:55 Speaker 01 It's stuck with me always.
28:56 Tom Segura? Yeah.
28:57 Speaker 01 What's two?
28:58 Tom Segura? Two is funny.
28:59 Speaker 01 Okay, here's one for that too. Again, let's just point out for a second, you got out your whole thing scale.
29:05 Tom Segura? Yeah.
29:06 Speaker 01 And now we're talking about it.
29:07 Tom Segura? Yeah.
29:07 Speaker 01 Okay. It's interesting. It's an interesting technique, that's all. It's one, it's one way to go.
29:11 Tom Segura? I wish I could apply it elsewhere.
29:12 Speaker 01 I wish. I saw you weigh in on the comment that I weighed in on.
29:19 Speaker 01 So glad you saw that too.
29:24 Speaker 01 You must have this. A whole, I'm like, all right, I have this sort of plan in my head in the car. I thought I'm gonna get it all out. And then you get about a quarter of it out and then it's gone.
29:33 Tom Segura? And I want to go back to what the, you were actually making, you, oh, it was about big dick is the most feminist. Yeah. All right, we'll go back to it.
29:40 Speaker 01 We'll go back to it.
29:40 Tom Segura? We'll go back to it.
29:42 Speaker 01 Okay, I finished me, my cannon, and I forget her name, someone from like, uh, New England.
29:47 Tom Segura? Yeah.
29:48 Speaker 01 We were working at a casino.
29:49 Tom Segura? Yeah.
29:49 Speaker 01 Up there in like Syracuse area. And we finished and we're walking to go get, uh, at the, at the restaurant.
29:55 Tom Segura? Take your arm under that cord, it's giving me anxiety. Thank you.
29:58 Speaker 01 And then, and now we found out that Tom is autistic.
30:01 Tom Segura? Yeah.
30:04 Speaker 01 I was, there was a waterbed bar, um, in, in, uh, the East Village. There's a waterbed you can sit on and I had a drink on the corner and somebody comes over and is like, excuse me, guys. It was like three or four, I think the roast was there, I was like, yeah. And he goes, can you take that, uh, glass off from the corner of that? And I was like, uh, why? He goes, my friend's highly autistic and he's freaking out about it. And he's just like this. And I was like, yeah, okay. And I put it on the table and he goes.
30:29 Speaker 01 Damn dude, that's tough to live with. The guy's really nice about it. Okay, so we're walking to the restaurant and we pass a, we're trying to get to eat before it closes. And we're in the casino, so you were with a lot of people from the show. And they're like, good set, good set. I'm like, oh, thanks guys, thanks, thanks. Try not to slow down, like, let's put our heads down and we want to eat. And then we get in and we're like, thank you. And then there's a black guy at a table and he goes, hey, you guys had a good show. And we're like, both just naturally stopped and like, oh, thanks, man. I really appreciate it. Did you have a good time? Where are you from?
30:57 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah. All of a sudden, you're the most social guy.
31:00 Speaker 01 That's so cool of you, man. I'm glad you had a good time. It's all about that.
31:02 Tom Segura? White guy's like, great set. And you're like, thanks.
31:04 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:04 Tom Segura? Black guy, you're like, oh.
31:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:08 Tom Segura? Wow.
31:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's when I realized the eight to one, it was that moment.
31:11 Tom Segura? It was, it's very strong. And then number one was athletic prowess.
31:15 Speaker 01 And that's never happened.
31:16 Tom Segura? Never?
31:18 Speaker 01 I used to play basketball at the park in Sligo Creek.
31:20 Tom Segura? Yeah.
31:20 Speaker 01 And I was better on, like most white people, better on defense than offense.
31:24 Tom Segura? Yeah.
31:27 Speaker 01 And I'd block shots. I was good at it. I was wiry. They would just have a standing foul call.
31:32 Tom Segura? Yeah.
31:33 Speaker 01 If I blocked it out of bounds. Like, it's their ball anyway, so they're like, let's make that a foul.
31:37 Tom Segura? Yeah.
31:38 Speaker 01 And then be like, that's just, that's clean.
31:40 Tom Segura? Yeah.
31:40 Speaker 01 And they were like, it's our ball regardless. I'm, no, that's a foul. Like, yeah.
31:44 Tom Segura? I remember, I remember the pickup games where I got complimented by black guys. And it's still with me today. Sometimes it carries me through the day.
31:52 Speaker 01 Especially if you're going to another game and then they pick you up before last.
31:56 Tom Segura? Yeah, before last, exactly.
31:57 Speaker 01 You're like, before last.
31:59 Tom Segura? What? I'm the eighth pick? This is crazy.
32:02 Speaker 01 Oh my god. And you're like laughing at the other people.
32:05 Tom Segura? Yeah, you picked me over a black guy? It's nuts. Yeah.
32:09 Speaker 01 And then Lamar's waiting there like, why am I not picked up?
32:12 Tom Segura? And you're like, oh, okay. So, all right, just to set the table for this.
32:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:17 Tom Segura? You did Two Bears with Bart and I.
32:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:20 Tom Segura? And you made a statement and you were elaborating on it. And then as you were telling your thought, your theory.
32:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, I.
32:32 Tom Segura? So everyone, and I remember people being like, I wanted to hear what you were gonna say, which is how I live.
32:37 Speaker 01 And the craziest thing is, he could have just told his thing after. The same thing, just hold it for a minute. Like, hey, when you were saying that, that reminded me of a guy.
32:44 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah. But your statement was, having a big dick.
32:48 Speaker 01 It comes off as toxic masculinity.
32:50 Tom Segura? Yeah.
32:50 Speaker 01 Of like, I got a bill, this little tiny dick idiot, you know, I'm big dick. And it's like this old, like, get a big truck, get a big dick, have whatever.
32:56 Tom Segura? Yes.
32:58 Speaker 01 But I think it's feminist because they're.
33:00 Tom Segura? Just having it.
33:01 Speaker 01 And, and, and hyping it up.
33:04 Tom Segura? Yeah.
33:05 Speaker 01 Saying a big dick is better is feminist. Because the reason you would have a big dick, just in biology.
33:11 Tom Segura? Yeah.
33:12 Speaker 01 Is to put it in a woman.
33:14 Tom Segura? Right.
33:14 Speaker 01 And have her find pleasure from it.
33:16 Tom Segura? Right.
33:17 Speaker 01 And a small dick would give them.
33:19 Tom Segura? Less pleasure.
33:19 Speaker 01 Less pleasure.
33:20 Tom Segura? Yeah.
33:20 Speaker 01 So all that like, I got a big dick. It's all about, I please women better than you do.
33:25 Tom Segura? That's, that's also what is the unspoken, like sentiment, I think, about it is that's why the big dick is intimidating to other guys, because just by the nature of, you're better.
33:39 Speaker 01 You're gonna please these gods better than I can. I can't bring tribute to them the way you can. So now I'm angry.
33:46 Tom Segura? And now, exactly. And now I'm, I'm insecure and I'm, I'm upset about it.
33:50 Speaker 01 I don't like that I won't be able to please them. Let's send all these big dick ones back to Africa.
33:56 Tom Segura? Right.
33:56 Speaker 01 Or, or whatever, wherever they come from.
33:58 Tom Segura? But you're right. It's the, it's the, it's the, it's the immediate, uh, uh, feeling of I'm inadequate.
34:05 Speaker 01 I'm inadequate to help you guys. Yeah.
34:07 Tom Segura? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a very valid theory, but I mean, Bert's interruption was fantastic. Yeah. This is not an interesting talking point. So, yeah.
34:18 Speaker 01 That Bruce Bruce story was funny too, because you told it to me offstage and then you finished when we recorded it. That was the internet only version.
34:25 Tom Segura? Yeah.
34:27 Speaker 01 Also fun story is when I was doing the intros and I was, it was like camera and then running around and then I quickly take my pants off and just have underwear on and then go to the stage and they find me on stage. And you were like, hey, this next one, you, you gotta take your dick completely out. And I was like, yep. You're upset. That's kind of, you set me off.
34:43 Tom Segura? Did I?
34:43 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I think you might have.
34:45 Tom Segura? I don't remember that. I don't, I really don't remember that.
34:47 Speaker 01 I did. So I pulled my dick out and there were some extras in the front row and some girls like, yeah, I've seen your dick like really close.
34:54 Tom Segura? You know what's so fun? I told the Bruce Bruce story. And then I had this thing where it was based on my one interaction with him, right?
35:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, on the plane.
35:04 Tom Segura? On the plane.
35:05 Speaker 01 Give me some candy.
35:05 Tom Segura? I tell the story.
35:06 Speaker 01 Such a funny story.
35:07 Tom Segura? It's, I loved, it's one of those things where you go, I loved the story.
35:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:13 Tom Segura? And I told it and I was really, I was actually very proud and I thought it was really unique, funny, you know, the whole thing about like. Just setting the stage of the scenario, the interaction, the like, the way that the woman, some woman who doesn't know him was like, what can I get you? Cause we were stuck at the air, at the gate. And they actually were like, you can get off the plane and come back. We're gonna be here a while.
35:35 Speaker 01 Nah.
35:36 Tom Segura? He was like, and then a woman walked by and was like, you need anything? And he was like, candy, like. He goes, Twix, Skittles, shit like that. And I go, who is that? And he goes, I don't know. I was like, you don't, you don't know?
35:48 Speaker 01 And just accepting it.
35:49 Tom Segura? Yeah. And she was just doing it for him.
35:52 Speaker 01 Tribute.
35:52 Tom Segura? And then we had this crazy dialogue about Andy Griffith, right?
35:56 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
35:57 Tom Segura? And so that was kind of like, well, I told the story and then I had that weird feeling of like, oh, I wonder.
36:03 Speaker 01 It involved someone else.
36:05 Tom Segura? I wonder, no, I wonder if, if he would be happy with.
36:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what I mean.
36:09 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah. And I wonder like, cause we're not like close. I wonder how he'll respond. And I had that like unease of would he be like, man, fuck you for telling that story, you know? Like just not knowing. So what, the only place I had communication with him or like a line to talk to him was Twitter. At the time, so I, I messaged him and I was like, hey, you know, I had.
36:32 Speaker 01 If you remember maybe.
36:33 Tom Segura? Yeah, but I met you and I told the story about meeting you and I sent him the link to that.
36:38 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
36:38 Tom Segura? Yeah.
36:39 Speaker 01 So he saw it?
36:40 Tom Segura? Well, here's the thing. I got no reply, right? No reply. And then maybe a year or more later, like, like literally that long. I checked one day and it's like message from Bruce Bruce. And I was like, ooh. And I opened it and it was all complimentary. He was like, that was hilarious. That was, I was like, oh my God. He was, he was so nice about it. And um, yeah, it was just like one of those things where you're like.
37:08 Speaker 01 I know that feeling, yeah.
37:10 Tom Segura? And then the guy who I tell it about, like, enjoyed it.
37:13 Speaker 01 We had to pull down a couple of stories on this not happening.
37:15 Tom Segura? Really?
37:16 Speaker 01 Because it was like, actually that guy's married now. I shouldn't be saying that. Do you mind? Take it down of course. And the podcast, we get that all the time, like, oh shit, I shouldn't have shared that.
37:24 Tom Segura? There's that thing, um, that people are all guessing about the, the smart list guys.
37:29 Speaker 01 Smart list?
37:30 Tom Segura? Smart list, the, um, you know, it's a very popular podcast hosted by those three, Bateman,
37:37 Tom Segura? Will Arnett and John Cryer. I think that's the, the three.
37:41 Speaker 04 I think Sean Hayes.
37:43 Tom Segura? Sorry, Sean Hayes.
37:44 Speaker 01 Wow, what a fucking, you just said Sean Hayes and John Cryer.
37:48 Tom Segura? I don't know who's.
37:48 Speaker 01 Completely interchangeable.
37:49 Tom Segura? I just, I don't know.
37:50 Speaker 01 Ununique group of two people. They're just some guy in sitcoms.
37:54 Tom Segura? These guys.
37:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:56 Tom Segura? But they're famously have, have talked about two people that have come on. And they said that a woman, after her episode, asked them to not air it. And, and they took it down. So you're like, oh, I wonder who that is. And then they talk about a famous comedian who was such an asshole.
38:20 Speaker 01 I saw that.
38:20 Tom Segura? That after 10 minutes, they just were like, we're done. So everyone always is like talking about who those two.
38:26 Speaker 01 And they're trying to figure it out.
38:27 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah. It's like one of those things where you're like.
38:29 Speaker 01 I, um, I, uh, and then you can lead them. You just like show that clip with a person's name over that. And then they go, oh, so they were definitely talking, I saw them talk about how they hated.
38:38 Tom Segura? I've seen a comment section about that where it theorizes everybody, every, you know, like they, yeah. I think we've both been mentioned in the possible.
38:46 Speaker 01 I, oh, really?
38:46 Tom Segura? Yeah.
38:47 Speaker 01 Wait, well, I'm not on there.
38:48 Tom Segura? You know, one of the, uh, oh, is this the thing?
38:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:51 Tom Segura? Here, this is Will.
38:53 Speaker 01 They just stopped in the middle. She asked us, oh, okay.
38:57 Speaker 02 Air her episode. A tour at all, which we were like, fuck it, it costs money. The guys, we all had to do it, blah, blah, blah. And, and, uh, cause she was worried because she thought that she was, uh, up and coming. Oh, I see. And I won't tell you until we're absolutely cut. Yeah. But we were like, you're good. It turns out we were right. Now, but I think, you know, one other very famous comedian, I'll tell you after, who is a fucking rank asshole recently. And we cut him off after 10 minutes and said, thanks so much. And then, and ditched him.
39:34 Speaker 01 What's the guesses?
39:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:35 Speaker 01 We almost can't say it out loud.
39:36 Tom Segura? Yeah, I mean, that's, this has been posted a bunch and there's always just hundreds and hundreds.
39:41 Speaker 01 Hundreds of, yeah.
39:42 Tom Segura? Well, the comment about the woman though, is like, you know, he's like, she thought she was up and coming.
39:47 Speaker 01 And then he's saying she wasn't.
39:48 Tom Segura? But I'm like, what is, so she thought.
39:51 Speaker 01 Is that dirty podcasts where they were like?
39:53 Tom Segura? I don't know. The part of me that goes like, wait, what do you mean? She was like, don't do it because she thought her trajectory plays a role in this?
40:00 Speaker 01 Like. See those on Skanks, Cam Patterson was like watching and they go, hey Cam, what's going on? Come on, come on in here. He's like, uh, and I, I get where he is. He's a first year SNL guy and this is Legion of Skanks.
40:12 Tom Segura? Yeah.
40:12 Speaker 01 And I go, hey Cam, you gotta get out of here.
40:15 Tom Segura? Oh, you did?
40:15 Speaker 01 Yeah. You gotta, you can't be here until, like, get Michael Chase permission first, but you shouldn't, you're a first year guy. You should get out of here.
40:21 Tom Segura? Yeah, smart.
40:21 Speaker 01 They're gonna say some awful things and you're gonna be on camera with it.
40:24 Tom Segura? That was nice of you.
40:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's like, you're, you're, okay, get out. So it might be one of those where like, I was saying crazy shit.
40:30 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah.
40:30 Speaker 01 And I'm about to be in a Disney movie.
40:31 Tom Segura? Right, right, right. Okay.
40:33 Speaker 01 But also, what a, like, weird, like, she went nowhere.
40:36 Tom Segura? We're, well, like, we're, it's weird though, cause that show is not Legion of Skanks.
40:43 Speaker 01 It's right. So what was she saying?
40:44 Tom Segura? Yeah, what were you saying?
40:45 Speaker 01 That's like a celebrity show.
40:47 Tom Segura? It's strange. It's very strange. Um.
40:50 Speaker 01 What I liked about your, the overdose story?
40:52 Tom Segura? Yeah.
40:53 Speaker 01 Is that you were told to me offstage a few times.
40:55 Tom Segura? Yeah.
40:56 Speaker 01 And then you said it onstage and there was a part that you didn't say.
40:59 Tom Segura? I'll tell you the exact part.
41:00 Speaker 01 And I had to go back on. I'm like, Tom, wait, that's why I loved the show. You forgot some of it.
41:05 Tom Segura? Dude, that was so key too, because essentially, the end of the story, the last bit is what I forgot. And you came onstage and you're like, what about, and I was like, oh, yeah.
41:19 Speaker 01 And then there's that moment, if you have like, if it was like a real Comedy Central production or Netflix or anything, like, well, I'm already off, so it's over.
41:25 Tom Segura? And then you would be so pissed too.
41:27 Speaker 01 But this is a me production. So it's like.
41:29 Tom Segura? And I'll tell you, it's been out forever. But like, the story, you know, I tell the whole story about accidentally overdosing, waking up in a coma. And, and then how, you know, how disappointed and upset parents were and just like the shame of it and the awfulness of it. And I forget how I ended, but I was just like, and then whatever, it ends. And then you reminded me of when I told you the story that the doctor.
41:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:53 Tom Segura? Who actually saved my life, the one who got the tube in me, um, the breathing tube. Visited me a few days later in recovery. I'm still in the hospital and he has the, uh, the toxicology. And he's like, hey, you know, you tested positive for so many things. Like every drug, opioids, stimulants, every, and I was like, really? I'm like, how is that possible? He's like, well, because you've got like street drugs and people will just throw anything in there. So he's like, you're like, it's off the charts. And he told me there's like,
42:23 Speaker 01 Lucky to be alive.
42:24 Tom Segura? Lucky to be alive. He goes, there was enough in you to kill a horse. Right? And then I go, shit, like, how did I live then? Like, how did I survive? And he's like, well, you're, you're fat.
42:33 Speaker 01 So fat, you're bigger than a horse.
42:35 Tom Segura? Yeah. It's such a good button to the, to the thing. It was, and I had forgotten.
42:40 Speaker 01 Take the, take the shitting on me part.
42:42 Tom Segura? Yeah, it's like, and it's funny because like you're hearing somebody say like, all this awful shit happened to me. And then when you're like, kind of like feeling for them again, another insult happens. Yeah. Which was really funny. It was really funny. Yeah. He was like, you're just, it's one, and he's like, one of the good times to be super fat. It's when you're overdosing.
43:04 Tom Segura? One of the favorite topics, of course, you know, this is murder, right?
43:07 Speaker 01 On this podcast.
43:07 Tom Segura? And in life, I've just enjoy it, you know? I like the shows, I like the topic. And I always talk about like, you know, you, there's less serial killers today and, and you know, it's, it's harder even just to get away with a one-off murder. Because there's so many like advances in forensics and there's cameras everywhere.
43:25 Speaker 01 As someone who wants to commit crimes of necessity, like shoplifting. I want that. I don't want to pay for it or wait in line. I want it, so I'll steal it. Cameras everywhere.
43:35 Tom Segura? Everywhere.
43:36 Speaker 01 As someone who's like, you know what? Maybe one day I'll murder. And the way you gotta do it is no motive. It's gotta be a random.
43:43 Tom Segura? A rando, yeah.
43:44 Speaker 01 So they can't chase you back.
43:45 Tom Segura? But this is the thing, the way it's everywhere, dude. Like when you watch these, I watch these shows all the time. And it's like, how'd we piece it together? It's like, they looked at this.
43:55 Speaker 01 Ring cam, ring cam, ring cam, they see where you're going.
43:57 Tom Segura? They see a vehicle pass down the street and, and go through a, a whatever, some, you know, toll booth. And it's like, that's what, you know, so it's really hard to get away. And there's fingerprints, there's DNA. So I'm always like, how can you fucking do it? And my theory is, my theory is that, um, that the best possible way.
44:21 Tom Segura? Is to take somebody out in the open water, right?
44:24 Speaker 01 Open water.
44:24 Tom Segura? The open water is like.
44:26 Speaker 01 There's no cameras in the open water.
44:28 Tom Segura? And you can, if you can at least disguise you going out there, that's which is the work.
44:33 Speaker 01 And that's what a lot of people do. That's what a lot of them do. They've gone like something happened.
44:38 Tom Segura? And then.
44:38 Speaker 01 Yeah. Oh.
44:39 Tom Segura? And this is just a story that came up.
44:41 Speaker 01 It's a new one?
44:42 Tom Segura? This is pretty recent. Police in the Bahamas say they arrested the husband of a missing Michigan woman after she vanished during a boat trip near Elbow K. Authorities say 55 year old Lynette Hooker was in a small motorboat Saturday night with her husband.
44:57 Speaker 01 Does that mean he was just going?
45:00 Tom Segura? Brian told them she fell overboard with the keys which shut off the engine. He said he then paddled to shore and reported her missing early Sunday. The AP story says Bahamian police arrested the husband in Abaco. At the time of the report, police had not said whether he had been formally charged. Her family was skeptical of the whole account. Her mother said she wanted more answers. Her daughter told NBC that Lynette was an experienced sailor who was unlikely to quote, "just fall off the boat." The daughter also said the couple had a volatile relationship, especially when.
45:32 Speaker 01 I know why she had the keys. Why'd she have the keys?
45:34 Tom Segura? Why'd she have the keys?
45:35 Speaker 01 Well, fuck you then. Well, fuck you then. You don't just have the key. The keys are in the ignition.
45:39 Tom Segura? Yeah, you have to make a real effort.
45:41 Speaker 01 Yeah. And why would you do that out there? It's not just like, oh, I'm gonna put this in the safe box.
45:45 Tom Segura? If you're volatile.
45:46 Speaker 01 If you're volatile.
45:47 Tom Segura? History is.
45:48 Speaker 01 You're fighting. Well, then I'll fucking throw him over, but I don't give a fuck. Bitch, I'll fuck him. For sure. Once you had the keys in your hand, that's a murder.
45:55 Tom Segura? Yeah.
45:55 Speaker 01 That's not just like, I fell. Also, like, get her. What do you mean? Oh, she fell, dude. It's over.
46:00 Tom Segura? Fell. The waves were crazy.
46:02 Speaker 01 It's like a foot and a half down there.
46:03 Tom Segura? I didn't even know where to look. Yeah.
46:05 Speaker 01 All these cruise ships, that's like, once or twice a year, gotta be like, huh, she didn't make it.
46:09 Tom Segura? She didn't make it. Yeah.
46:10 Speaker 01 It's out to sea. They can't. And we talked to those guys on all those like impractical jokers.
46:13 Tom Segura? There was a, there's been a murder in the open sea on cruises where there's a famous one where somebody, like a camera catches them falling off the balcony, you know? And they're like, wait, how does she fall? Just like fall off the, because in theory you could, you could be like lit and just fall.
46:29 Speaker 01 If there's a camera that kicks it up and you're the pusher.
46:32 Tom Segura? Yeah.
46:32 Speaker 01 You have to, if you know a camera picked it up, not you pushing, but just them falling, you have to go, oh my God, my wife fell.
46:40 Tom Segura? Yeah.
46:40 Speaker 01 If there's not a camera, then you go, where's my wife? Has anybody seen her?
46:46 Tom Segura? Yeah.
46:46 Speaker 01 You delay that. But they also told us the the amount of time it takes to stop and turn around.
46:52 Tom Segura? Yeah.
46:52 Speaker 01 With the tides, they're like, they're gone. You got one chance. If you see it happen, throw them a life thing.
46:57 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah.
46:58 Speaker 01 With colors, but they're pretty much gone.
46:59 Tom Segura? Cruising and the night and the.
47:01 Speaker 01 Night is over, they said. They said daytime, you got a chance, but you have to see them fall in.
47:06 Tom Segura? It's fucking dude. Um, I I talked to a charter boat captain one time.
47:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:12 Tom Segura? Like a yacht captain and it all of those like fancy luxury yachts have cameras all over for security purposes, you know, like just to.
47:23 Speaker 01 But for that.
47:23 Tom Segura? But like to keep track of like where people are and you could be like, oh, this person's at this in the galley or you know what I mean? Like you could see everything. And he told me that he had a really high level Middle Eastern wealthy guy. And as soon as he boarded, he was like, can you cover up all the cameras? And they were like, sure. So they had to like put covers on all the cameras because he was like, I don't want.
47:45 Speaker 01 I could do some stuff.
47:46 Tom Segura? I might be doing some shit on board.
47:49 Speaker 01 Also, can I say, don't sleep on the national park system?
47:52 Tom Segura? Oh.
47:53 Speaker 01 Very few cameras. Rocks are way harder than water.
47:56 Tom Segura? Camping is a good.
47:59 Tom Segura? And he used to establish a pattern of like.
48:01 Speaker 01 I do this a lot.
48:01 Tom Segura? I do this a lot. That was um, Scott Peterson's big uh, mistake because he dumped his pregnant wife's body in the open water.
48:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:11 Tom Segura? And they were like, wait, how did like, how'd this happen? He's like, well, I I had a boat and I wanted to take it out.
48:16 Speaker 01 That's the one I remember, Scott Peterson.
48:17 Tom Segura? Christmas Eve. And I just took the boat out and they were like, huh? Why? He was like, I just had this boat sitting there. I wanted to take it out. He'd never gone. Yeah.
48:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, Brian, look, the problem is then, what about if you're just are camping with your wife or boating with your wife? And she falls over and drowns. At first, you're like, oh, no. And then you're like, there's a lot of people who are not going to believe me.
48:40 Tom Segura? Yeah. What do I do?
48:42 Speaker 01 Yeah. What do I do?
48:43 Tom Segura? Well, I think you're, if it's genuine, like whether it's camping or boating, you're in a genuine panic. If you get back.
48:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've seen, have you ever gone down a black Dahlia rabbit hole?
48:54 Tom Segura? Ah, it's been a while. I've seen.
48:55 Speaker 01 They sell it, dude.
48:57 Tom Segura? Yeah.
48:57 Speaker 01 They sell it until their husband walks into the interrogation room that they thought was dead.
49:02 Tom Segura? Yeah. And then they're like.
49:02 Speaker 01 And they're like. Oh, I was, I hired a cop to kill you, didn't I? Shit, and they still try to sell it.
49:09 Tom Segura? Yeah.
49:09 Speaker 01 Tom, I got something for you.
49:11 Tom Segura? Yeah.
49:11 Speaker 01 I know what the show is. I'm surprised, I'm sorry Christina couldn't be here. She's here.
49:15 Tom Segura? She's chopping wood, yeah.
49:16 Speaker 01 Yeah. Um, she's doing a, uh, what's it called? Recreation? What is it when the North fights the South?
49:23 Tom Segura? Yeah.
49:24 Speaker 01 She's in one of those.
49:25 Tom Segura? Oh, the Civil War?
49:26 Speaker 01 Civil War reenactment, yeah, she's north, she's north. And, uh, but I brought something in that you both love. You know what, uh, Muddy Bucks is?
49:34 Tom Segura? A what?
49:34 Speaker 01 Muddy Bucks?
49:35 Tom Segura? Muddy Bucks?
49:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:36 Tom Segura? Uh-uh.
49:36 Speaker 01 Oh, Tom, buddy. By the way, go, go, go check out The End at, uh, YMHstudios.com right now.
49:43 Tom Segura? Yeah, please.
49:45 Speaker 01 Guys, did you find that Muddy Bucks? Okay.
49:47 Tom Segura? Oh, fuck, man.
49:48 Speaker 01 Okay, this is, okay, Thomas.
49:55 Tom Segura? Oh, that's a dude?
49:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's two dudes.
49:57 Tom Segura? Oh, fuck.
49:59 Speaker 01 He said, he said what he said.
50:09 Tom Segura? You know what I always think about, though, in, in shit like this?
50:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:12 Tom Segura? Just hip mobility. You know what I mean? It's so important as you get older to have like, to do like hip mobility.
50:19 Speaker 01 Hip mobility, yeah, yeah, yeah, because you can pull something.
50:21 Tom Segura? Yeah, okay.
50:22 Speaker 01 Do you have one where he's completely submerged?
50:24 Tom Segura? Have, have you, this is a whole genre?
50:27 Speaker 01 Oh, buddy, yeah. This is, this is in Dan Savage's like, uh,
50:31 Tom Segura? What?
50:31 Speaker 01 Porn, he, he has a porn like film festival.
50:34 Tom Segura? Uh-huh.
50:35 Speaker 01 And this one won.
50:37 Tom Segura? This one?
50:37 Speaker 01 One year.
50:38 Tom Segura? He's gonna nut through that mud?
50:39 Speaker 01 Oh, please don't. I don't know about this. Oh, please don't.
50:42 Tom Segura? Is this real?
50:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, buddy.
50:44 Tom Segura? That's not AI?
50:45 Speaker 01 It looks so fake, I know. Oh, he's under. He's under.
50:50 Tom Segura? How do you find out you like this?
50:53 Speaker 01 Well, you found out right now.
50:54 Tom Segura? That's true.
50:55 Speaker 01 Yeah. Oh, please don't, please don't. Just on your chest with.
51:04 Speaker 01 There's one where the guy's completely just dunked in as somebody behind him. Fuck, ooh, there, that's not bad.
51:09 Tom Segura? Yeah.
51:09 Speaker 01 I mean, oh, he's gone. Oh, that cock wants that ass.
51:18 Tom Segura? How did you find this?
51:19 Speaker 01 I saw it on the Dance Savage Porn Festival.
51:23 Tom Segura? What is this? He has a porn fest?
51:24 Speaker 01 He goes to movie theaters and puts, puts up.
51:26 Tom Segura? And he, he.
51:27 Speaker 01 He says, submit and we're taking the thirty best ones.
51:30 Tom Segura? Is Muddy Buck, is this a name of a, a film like that, or this is a whole genre?
51:35 Speaker 01 That, I think it's these guys.
51:36 Tom Segura? Oh, it's these guys?
51:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, and then they do a bunch. I think they're the most successful ones.
51:40 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah, they're the leaders.
51:42 Speaker 01 The one I love the most from, oh.
51:43 Tom Segura? They look pretty submerged.
51:44 Speaker 01 From this year, it was a bunch of people like doing the Che Guevara revolt against the workers. And then they all just start fucking, but they're in like worker outfits.
51:52 Tom Segura? Yeah.
51:52 Speaker 01 They're like, the, the people have the power.
51:55 Tom Segura? Do you have a favorite genre?
51:56 Speaker 01 Of porn?
51:57 Tom Segura? Yeah.
51:58 Speaker 01 I, you know what I like? Cause I like reality.
52:00 Tom Segura? Yeah.
52:01 Speaker 01 So I like hidden camera.
52:02 Tom Segura? Uh huh.
52:03 Speaker 01 Sell it as hidden camera or really do it. Either way, especially if they're both consenting, even better. But it's like, I didn't know you were taping, but I'm cool with it. Upload it.
52:09 Tom Segura? Yeah.
52:11 Speaker 01 Or something real that distresses someone. So I know it's real. So like, one time I saw one, this is a decent example. It was a chick on a couch getting fucked. And another chick on a piano getting fucked.
52:26 Tom Segura? Mm hmm.
52:27 Speaker 01 And the piano guy finished but didn't finish yet and came up behind the couch girl and jizzed in her hair. And she was so mad.
52:37 Tom Segura? Yeah.
52:37 Speaker 01 She's like, what the fuck, you piece of shit?
52:40 Tom Segura? Yes.
52:40 Speaker 01 I told you. And it was like, wow, this is not scripted.
52:43 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah, that was, yeah.
52:44 Speaker 01 I liked it.
52:44 Tom Segura? I like that too. I like that. I, there's that, um.
52:47 Speaker 01 What do you got?
52:48 Tom Segura? Well, it's, it's, it's in line with what you like because I like, it became a popular fake genre. So you have to search.
52:57 Speaker 01 For the real version of?
52:57 Tom Segura? Which is real BTS, real behind the scenes. So what they do is they've. Behind the scenes became popular, so they do fake behind the scenes.
53:07 Speaker 01 Right.
53:08 Tom Segura? They act like they're behind the scenes.
53:09 Speaker 01 There's no amateur porn anymore.
53:10 Tom Segura? But the, it's genuinely older when the camera was actually
53:15 Speaker 01 picking up.
53:15 Tom Segura? filming behind the scenes, but like it wasn't a popular genre yet. And so you would see real and how they would like, they would get, they would get like into it before they filmed their scene. That was always hotter because it was real.
53:28 Speaker 01 Real.
53:29 Tom Segura? It wasn't fake.
53:29 Speaker 01 Uh, I'll tell you, I went in LA to, to a porn shoot. We knew a guy.
53:34 Tom Segura? A long time ago?
53:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, 20 years ago.
53:36 Tom Segura? Oh, wow.
53:37 Speaker 01 There's all these like Hollywood Hills, like kinda half mansions. It was someone who knew Tripoli for sure, for sure. It was either Tripoli or Yoshi. I think it was a guy from Jiu Jitsu.
53:47 Tom Segura? Uh huh.
53:48 Speaker 01 Who was like, I'm doing, if you wanna see one, I'm like, I for sure wanna see one.
53:50 Tom Segura? He was like, I'm doing one?
53:51 Speaker 01 He worked in the, in the world.
53:52 Tom Segura? Wow.
53:53 Speaker 01 As a cameraman. He wasn't like a porn guy.
53:55 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah.
53:55 Speaker 01 He was a porn star.
53:58 Speaker 01 And it was like the, some caretaker of the house was in a room going like, don't dent anything. But they're renting it out for like 20 grand for the day.
54:06 Tom Segura? Uh huh.
54:06 Speaker 01 To fuck everywhere.
54:07 Tom Segura? Yeah.
54:08 Speaker 01 But what was distressing was going to take a pee and seeing the enemas that were in the trash can.
54:13 Tom Segura? Oof, yeah.
54:15 Speaker 01 To be like, let's clear out for this.
54:17 Tom Segura? How was watching the actual work?
54:20 Speaker 01 It was interesting more than hot.
54:22 Tom Segura? Yeah.
54:22 Speaker 01 Because there's so many people. It's like, I don't know, it's like strip clubs. I'm like, unless you go to a private room, like this is not hot.
54:27 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah.
54:27 Speaker 01 This is a fun thing with friends, but like, you'd be a creep to get a boner around other dudes.
54:32 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also like, that's, that's pretty intense to be up close and like, where you're standing like, you know, video village.
54:42 Speaker 01 It's so, it's where there's 25 people around.
54:45 Tom Segura? Really?
54:45 Speaker 01 But on film, it's just the two of them.
54:47 Tom Segura? And you were watching just two people?
54:48 Speaker 01 Yeah. It's funny too, when you can see like a girl go like, like, let's say you're the camera, so you're face to the camera. And she's like, oh yeah, oh yeah, okay, uh. And you see them taking direction.
54:58 Tom Segura? Yeah.
54:58 Speaker 01 You see them, are we, we're good?
55:00 Tom Segura? That's interesting, but not arousing to me to watch.
55:02 Speaker 01 Not arousing.
55:02 Tom Segura? Yeah.
55:02 Speaker 01 No.
55:03 Tom Segura? Cause you were like, this is manufactured.
55:05 Speaker 01 Have you ever seen one?
55:06 Tom Segura? Uh, no, I've never been in person. You know, somebody told me one time.
55:09 Speaker 01 Reach out, Tom wants it.
55:10 Tom Segura? Uh, someone told me one time that they were in their house.
55:16 Tom Segura? And they looked over like out their window and they realized this was in LA.
55:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:23 Tom Segura? That the house next to them would often be rented for like parties and stuff. And it was one of those eyes wide shut parties where like people were in tuxedos, had masks on and they were watching sex in the room. And I was like, that's pretty exciting. I think even from their perspective, because they weren't at the party, they were watching the whole thing from their window.
55:45 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
55:45 Tom Segura? You know?
55:46 Speaker 01 Oh, double voyeur.
55:47 Tom Segura? Yeah.
55:47 Speaker 01 Watching people watch sex.
55:48 Tom Segura? That's pretty cool.
55:50 Speaker 01 You voyeur for not for sex, but just in general?
55:53 Tom Segura? I don't know. I don't think I like, I mean, I like that story. I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. I probably would have stared at that for a while, but like, if I see people, like, I don't stop and.
56:04 Speaker 01 I want to see them just do regular stuff with they don't know. And other than Poinsettia, it was like two buildings, like, like, kind of like this. So you could, so if you turn off all the lights, you could just watch them like making dinner.
56:15 Tom Segura? Mm hmm.
56:15 Speaker 01 Or something like.
56:16 Tom Segura? Oh, that's fun.
56:16 Speaker 01 Stare and watch.
56:18 Tom Segura? I like that, too.
56:20 Tom Segura? Here, let me show you a couple of things real quick.
56:22 Speaker 01 Okay.
56:24 Tom Segura? Is this?
56:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:25 Tom Segura? Is this?
56:25 Speaker 01 I mean, you gotta show Christina Muddy Bucks.
56:27 Tom Segura? I will show her Muddy Bucks.
56:29 Speaker 01 Okay. It's so, do this, but like, it's so interesting. There's a version of life where you're out doing something and you're like, oh, you know who would like this? On that trip I did, there's a few different people. I'm like, oh, you know who would like, go to a soccer game, like Shane Gillis would love, would love this. Or seeing some old like hieroglyphs or like Joe Rogan would love this. There's videos you watch and I'm like, hey, when am I on YMH next?
56:49 Tom Segura? Yeah.
56:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, make a note.
56:50 Tom Segura? Make a note for Muddy Bucks. Uh, this is a fun one before I show you these.
56:53 Speaker 01 Okay.
56:54 Tom Segura? This is like this meme I saw. Michael Jackson is gonna bust in your asshole, right? And he's letting you choose one of his hits to play while he does it. Do you choose Billie Jean, Thriller, Beat It?
57:07 Speaker 01 Beat It.
57:07 Tom Segura? Or Man in the Mirror?
57:10 Tom Segura? Cause I was thinking that Man in the Mirror makes it so much sadder. And you already, maybe you're sad.
57:16 Speaker 01 He's busting your asshole. What's the position here?
57:17 Tom Segura? You're bent over.
57:18 Speaker 01 Bent over, not legs over him. So you're looking at him?
57:20 Tom Segura? No, you're bent over.
57:21 Speaker 01 Okay.
57:23 Tom Segura? I mean.
57:26 Speaker 01 You guys, if you're not gonna ask questions, you don't know the answers.
57:28 Tom Segura? It's hard to shake man in the mirror, cuz you're like, oh yeah, it's cuz I don't want this. And I get so that song can make you really sad, you know, it's like.
57:37 Speaker 01 Well, it's smoother. You also don't wanna get like too hyphy and have him pick up steam.
57:43 Tom Segura? Yeah.
57:44 Speaker 01 You know, you don't, you want him moving slowly, gently, lovingly.
57:47 Tom Segura? Billie Jean is kinda, it's kinda nice that it's that, but it's like, is not my lover.
57:53 Speaker 01 It's not my love.
57:54 Tom Segura? You know, so you're like, yeah.
57:55 Speaker 01 But I am a lover.
57:56 Tom Segura? I guess I don't. Any, what do you think? What would you pick?
58:01 Speaker 02 I don't wanna participate.
58:01 Speaker 01 I mean, Beat It is, is thematically on point.
58:05 Tom Segura? Yeah, but you think Beat It would be, it's too much, right?
58:08 Speaker 02 I specifically just said.
58:10 Speaker 01 Any, what position would you have him take you in?
58:13 Speaker 02 Nigga, y'all fucking, y'all got me fucked up, bro.
58:15 Tom Segura? You're saying he's like, cuz Beat It is, it's too, it's too fun. Just beat it, you know?
58:20 Speaker 01 But also you're beaten off in my ass. So it's, I just thematically, I like that the most. But now, okay, more questions. Any, you can weigh on this whenever you want. You're getting bent over. Is there a mirror? You can look at him?
58:33 Tom Segura? I think so. I think you're in the bathroom is how I pictured it.
58:36 Speaker 01 Okay, then there is.
58:37 Tom Segura? Then man in the mirror is like.
58:38 Speaker 01 And then that's the most on point.
58:40 Tom Segura? It's the most on point, but it makes it so sad, right? But you know what also fucks you up? What if he busts at the end of Thriller and then you hear that laugh? That, ha, ha, ha. Like, that's, that's really sadistic, too.
58:53 Speaker 01 That's sadistic, if that's the right time. But I think Man in the Mirror, if you're looking at, reclaims the meaning of that song.
58:59 Tom Segura? Yeah.
59:00 Speaker 01 It's not yourself you're looking at anymore.
59:02 Tom Segura? Right.
59:02 Speaker 01 You're looking at King of Pop, and he's looking at your face. And he's just. I'm looking at the man in the mirror, a different person. The original meaning was I'm looking at myself.
59:10 Tom Segura? That is, that's right.
59:11 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:12 Tom Segura? And maybe you look at him and you go like, maybe stop doing this.
59:15 Speaker 01 Stop doing, I see you as a, as a person now.
59:17 Tom Segura? Stop doing this to me.
59:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, cool it. Beat it.
59:21 Tom Segura? Just cool it.
59:25 Speaker 01 Hey, Zolo, can you look over if Any's hard or not?
59:28 Speaker 02 Bro actually looked.
59:29 Tom Segura? So soft.
59:30 Speaker 02 Nigga actually looked.
59:31 Speaker 01 It did really look. It did really look.
59:34 Tom Segura? Never been softer.
59:36 Speaker 01 It was a full joke, Zolo.
59:39 Tom Segura? My nigga looked.
59:40 Speaker 01 Sorry, buddy.
59:41 Tom Segura? Just trying to introduce the sugar. Can you at least tell me this? No. No, which is the worst? No. Which is the worst song? I don't want.
59:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, at least that.
59:50 Tom Segura? No. Black or white?
59:52 Speaker 01 Doesn't matter if you're black or white. Great answer.
59:55 Tom Segura? Yeah, I mean, it's not in the, but it's not in the.
59:58 Speaker 01 It's not in the list of questions.
1:00:00 Tom Segura? It is a great, it's a great one.
1:00:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:00:01 Tom Segura? Do you remember the time?
1:00:06 Tom Segura? Yeah. Huh?
1:00:08 Speaker 01 Huh?
1:00:09 Tom Segura? Something to think about. Something to take home with you. All right, all right. Do you think this is horrible or hilarious? What I'm going to show you?
1:00:17 Speaker 01 Okay, hold on before you do it.
1:00:18 Tom Segura? What?
1:00:20 Speaker 01 You gotta steel yourself sometimes for these.
1:00:22 Tom Segura? You do?
1:00:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, so in my head, I'm like horrible or horrendous. So like, is this a human going to physically suffer right now?
1:00:29 Tom Segura? I haven't seen any of them.
1:00:30 Speaker 01 You have not?
1:00:31 Tom Segura? I haven't seen any of them.
1:00:32 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:00:32 Tom Segura? I watched them with you.
1:00:33 Speaker 01 I'm, I'm hoping.
1:00:35 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:00:36 Speaker 01 It's just somebody failing at a spelling bee.
1:00:38 Tom Segura? It's comes up, sometimes they, they put it together.
1:00:41 Speaker 01 Who's they?
1:00:42 Tom Segura? The, the guys, the guys in the booth. Yeah.
1:00:44 Speaker 01 Oh, we got, we got later, we're going to talk about the fucking end, end production cards that I let your idiots do for me.
1:00:50 Tom Segura? Oh, boy.
1:00:50 Speaker 01 Okay, go ahead, go ahead. All right, so they put it together and you haven't seen it.
1:00:55 Tom Segura? Ooh. Look how calm he is. His hands just got.
1:01:00 Speaker 01 Ah.
1:01:01 Tom Segura? Crushed in the hood.
1:01:02 Speaker 01 So calm.
1:01:03 Tom Segura? Oh, and.
1:01:04 Speaker 01 He got one.
1:01:05 Tom Segura? Oh, he's like, please just fuck me.
1:01:07 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
1:01:08 Tom Segura? Open the latch.
1:01:08 Speaker 01 That happens so fast.
1:01:10 Tom Segura? He's like, oh, you gotta open the driver, there's a button.
1:01:12 Speaker 01 Oh. No, Tom fuck, here, it's in the trunk.
1:01:17 Tom Segura? Holy shit.
1:01:18 Speaker 01 Oh, you dumb idiot, not the trunk.
1:01:20 Tom Segura? Oh, man. That's nuts.
1:01:23 Speaker 01 Oh. And he's not getting it out.
1:01:26 Tom Segura? I think all of us have empathy on this one.
1:01:29 Speaker 01 What's, I, I mean, we've all slammed our finger in the door.
1:01:32 Tom Segura? The worst, it's so fucking horrible.
1:01:34 Speaker 01 It doesn't seem like your finger would have space for it.
1:01:36 Tom Segura? God. And that's, it was also his crazy ass is like, you're shaking the, you know what I mean? He's shaking that bam.
1:01:44 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:01:45 Tom Segura? He's composed.
1:01:46 Speaker 01 He's very composed.
1:01:48 Tom Segura? Man.
1:01:49 Speaker 01 Do you think he's like, ah, hey?
1:01:52 Tom Segura? All right. But horrible, it's pretty horrible.
1:01:55 Speaker 01 Horrible or what?
1:01:55 Tom Segura? Hilarious.
1:01:58 Speaker 01 It was horrible until the lady opens the trunk.
1:02:00 Tom Segura? That made it really funny. Yeah. That felt like a good actual, like a comedy movie, right?
1:02:06 Speaker 01 How many times do you rent a car somewhere? And you go to the gas station, you do that, and you're like, fucking trunk. And you do it again, like, no hood, where the fuck is this thing?
1:02:13 Tom Segura? Where's the fucking button for this? All right, here's this one.
1:02:16 Speaker 01 Oh. Pause, pause, pause.
1:02:19 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:02:20 Speaker 01 I like the where this is gonna go to. So this could go anywhere. I mean, it's a tilted over, for the listeners here, for the seven listeners of the show. It's a tilted over kind of forward bus.
1:02:31 Tom Segura? Like a charter bus.
1:02:32 Speaker 01 It's almost like it's a regular bus, but Burt was sitting in the front seat.
1:02:35 Tom Segura? It's exactly right.
1:02:36 Speaker 01 So it's just pushed down in the front.
1:02:37 Tom Segura? The front end is really low.
1:02:39 Speaker 01 So this could go anywhere from.
1:02:41 Tom Segura? I'll tell you what I think is.
1:02:42 Speaker 01 Please don't go off the fucking cliff.
1:02:44 Tom Segura? Can I tell you what I immediately go to?
1:02:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:46 Tom Segura? I immediately go to the man who's standing on the road, and I'm going, you shouldn't be standing there.
1:02:52 Speaker 01 If he knew he was in a YMH video right now, he would get out of there.
1:02:56 Tom Segura? He'd get out of there because I also see that the tires are turned towards him. You know what I mean? That's the first thing that I notice is that there's a guy standing there.
1:03:07 Speaker 01 The tires are turned towards him slightly, a little bit more, and they were coming right. You know, a lot of people got on, when I left town, I came back and observed a lot of things, and a lot of comedians seem like have turned against each other because people got too much into politics. And it got like, wow, this is terrible, this is awful. But YMH has been showing awful things for many, many years.
1:03:23 Tom Segura? Many years.
1:03:24 Speaker 01 You made your bones on it.
1:03:25 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we don't. It is crazy how many guys got involved in politics, though.
1:03:30 Speaker 01 It's so lame.
1:03:31 Tom Segura? It's so weird.
1:03:32 Speaker 01 It's so lame. Go vote, but like, what? Show people suffering.
1:03:38 Tom Segura? Yeah. Let's see how terrible this gets. All right, he's stuck.
1:03:42 Speaker 01 Oh, another guy.
1:03:43 Tom Segura? Oh, he's, he's in the really bad spot.
1:03:45 Speaker 01 Buena Barba.
1:03:46 Tom Segura? Oh, that's worse.
1:03:47 Speaker 01 That's worse. He's right on it.
1:03:51 Tom Segura? Okay. He's standing exactly where you shouldn't stand.
1:03:58 Speaker 01 Off the fucking cliff. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, thank God, that tree. Oh my God. It's such a drop.
1:04:11 Speaker 01 Stop driving.
1:04:13 Tom Segura? Is insane.
1:04:14 Speaker 01 Who's the driver there? Is it some guy like, hey, move this up for me?
1:04:18 Tom Segura? Oh, my God.
1:04:19 Speaker 01 Hey, I'll watch. You move it up for me. I've never done this before.
1:04:22 Tom Segura? This was, um.
1:04:23 Speaker 01 How did he get out there? They could only get out through the, that big door. You could have, it's cliff. I knew it.
1:04:29 Tom Segura? No one was injured in this.
1:04:31 Speaker 01 Bullshit.
1:04:31 Tom Segura? But extremely terrified. That's what the note says.
1:04:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:04:34 Tom Segura? He believed, he believed he was in reverse.
1:04:38 Speaker 01 But visually.
1:04:40 Tom Segura? I know.
1:04:41 Speaker 01 You would be clued off that you're not in reverse.
1:04:43 Tom Segura? Dude.
1:04:46 Speaker 01 Wait, where would he know?
1:04:47 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:04:48 Speaker 01 This guy, hold on.
1:04:49 Tom Segura? All right.
1:04:50 Speaker 01 I'm sorry, you're in reverse for sure. You have to back up.
1:04:52 Tom Segura? He's, he's, he's just giving it a touch.
1:04:56 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:04:57 Tom Segura? Oh, you can see that he needs to, oh, that's why he's turned, he thinks he's in reverse to go like that.
1:05:02 Speaker 01 Okay, now you're going to want to stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, still stop, still stop, still stop. It's so long of him not being in reverse.
1:05:10 Tom Segura? Oh, my God.
1:05:11 Speaker 01 I mean, so close.
1:05:13 Tom Segura? Do you think they're laughing like this was fun or was that cries of terror?
1:05:17 Speaker 01 You could put those, the terror.
1:05:18 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:05:19 Speaker 01 You could put those laughs over like a gentle, like, what's the one with the horses?
1:05:23 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Merry-go-round.
1:05:25 Speaker 01 Merry-go-round?
1:05:25 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:05:26 Speaker 01 And it would, it would fit.
1:05:27 Tom Segura? It would fit, I know.
1:05:28 Speaker 01 Screams of terror.
1:05:29 Tom Segura? That was really nuts. He, his brain short circuited on him.
1:05:33 Speaker 01 Short circuited. You ever had that where you're like, I just wasn't thinking right?
1:05:36 Tom Segura? Very briefly, but yeah, it's usually like a quick thing where you're like, what the fuck just happened? Yeah. That was awful, though.
1:05:46 Speaker 01 Is he going?
1:05:47 Tom Segura? That guy, is he fixed?
1:05:48 Speaker 01 Oh, he's fixed. Oh, no. You didn't even see a guy there.
1:05:53 Tom Segura? He was fixing the stoplight, right?
1:05:55 Speaker 01 Stoplight or, yeah, or some electrical?
1:05:59 Speaker 01 Did somebody hit him?
1:06:02 Tom Segura? Oh yeah, somebody hit the uh-
1:06:04 Speaker 01 The car?
1:06:04 Tom Segura? Somebody probably hit the truck that has the cherry picker.
1:06:07 Speaker 01 But the truck didn't move at all. Well, he just fell right out of it.
1:06:10 Tom Segura? We don't see it. It's, it's-
1:06:12 Speaker 01 You guys strap in. That's why you guys strap in.
1:06:14 Tom Segura? That one was pretty rough.
1:06:14 Speaker 01 Safety first. That guy is-
1:06:16 Speaker 02 Can I just say that guy's a piece of shit that was recording? Like, how do you, why did he hide it as soon as it happened?
1:06:21 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah. Bad cameraman, for sure. Yeah.
1:06:25 Speaker 01 What an asshole. Also, was he in on it?
1:06:27 Tom Segura? From that distance?
1:06:29 Speaker 01 Why would you be recording a guy just fixing a stoplight?
1:06:32 Tom Segura? Let's see. He's pretty far away from it.
1:06:37 Tom Segura? Crunch, he says.
1:06:41 Tom Segura? He says crunch before it happens. Crunch.
1:06:45 Speaker 01 Does he know something's about to hit that thing?
1:06:48 Tom Segura? Maybe he does.
1:06:50 Speaker 01 Crunch. He does say crunch.
1:06:52 Tom Segura? Yeah. The truck he was working on was hit by a car. He was okay and only suffered minor injuries, surprisingly.
1:06:58 Speaker 01 What?
1:06:59 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:07:00 Speaker 01 So you fell from two feet in the air, that's your vertical, and broke everything?
1:07:07 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:07:07 Speaker 01 And that guy fell from a cherry picker, like two basketball feet high?
1:07:11 Tom Segura? Yeah. He had a helmet. I should have worn a helmet.
1:07:14 Speaker 01 Should have worn a helmet. Your arm would have been fine. Are you recovered from that completely, or are you still in pain?
1:07:18 Tom Segura? No, no. I'm good, man.
1:07:21 Speaker 01 Oh, no, no, get out of there!
1:07:23 Tom Segura? No, no, no, no.
1:07:29 Speaker 01 What, what? What's she screaming about? Is something off, or is she just in fear?
1:07:35 Tom Segura? I think maybe she, she was, she didn't get hit, but I think in trying to dip away, she got-
1:07:41 Speaker 01 That scream was, "My, my leg is off." That's that kind of scream, but I didn't see anything.
1:07:46 Tom Segura? She broke her leg. But the driver was okay due to the roll cage. Here, see it again. Yeah, she lost her footing trying to get out of the way, right there.
1:07:56 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:07:57 Tom Segura? Oh! Oh, I didn't see it first time.
1:08:04 Speaker 01 God damn!
1:08:06 Tom Segura? Holy shit, here we go again.
1:08:08 Speaker 01 Whoa, look at the leg on the woman. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And right there, oh! It's 90 degrees!
1:08:17 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:08:18 Tom Segura? Oh, fuck.
1:08:19 Speaker 01 Now, put that scream over a Ferris wheel and see if that carries the same. Wow, that is, and the weird thing is, bless you.
1:08:28 Tom Segura? Thank you.
1:08:28 Speaker 01 Kind of unrelated to the, to the car. I mean, it was caused by it, but it wasn't like.
1:08:33 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:08:33 Speaker 01 If any, if there was like, you know what I mean? If there was free tacos and she was running.
1:08:38 Tom Segura? She would have done that too.
1:08:38 Speaker 01 She would have done that too.
1:08:39 Tom Segura? Yeah, and she was, it was just that little movement that she made.
1:08:43 Speaker 01 Not in shape.
1:08:44 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:08:44 Speaker 01 That one's closer to your best ball.
1:08:46 Tom Segura? It totally is. That's what happens. That's what happens.
1:08:49 Speaker 01 Also, yeah, weird. My, my thought, didn't it all go to the car flipping? My, when I first, it was like, who's he going to murder on this roll?
1:08:58 Tom Segura? Yeah, yep.
1:08:59 Speaker 01 The roll cage did it.
1:09:03 Speaker 01 Ah, God.
1:09:04 Tom Segura? So it was kind of horrible and then it got hilarious. And I would, I would argue that the scream was really funny.
1:09:09 Speaker 01 The scream? Oh, I forgot what we were playing.
1:09:11 Tom Segura? I thought that, um, the scream was less about the pain than the moment she sees it.
1:09:16 Speaker 01 She sees it.
1:09:17 Tom Segura? Yeah, she sees it.
1:09:18 Speaker 01 And she's like, that's not right.
1:09:20 Tom Segura? That's not right. My foot never points that way.
1:09:21 Speaker 01 I've seen my foot so many times and it's never done that.
1:09:27 Speaker 01 Dude, I had a, I had a, uh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, dude, I can't take these thighs.
1:09:34 Tom Segura? That's the last one. That's the last one. Jesus Christ.
1:09:38 Speaker 01 I was at the Jon Jones fight where he broke, where he, not the Jon Jones, uh, Anderson Silva.
1:09:43 Tom Segura? Where he broke.
1:09:44 Speaker 01 Where he just snapped it and I was close. And it was like, it didn't make sense.
1:09:49 Tom Segura? I was at the Connor one.
1:09:50 Speaker 01 Really?
1:09:50 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:09:51 Speaker 01 It looks like a sock you fill up with like a bunch of marbles.
1:09:54 Tom Segura? Yeah, when they go to step too.
1:09:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, and they don't know it yet. So they step and like, oh, that's not.
1:09:58 Tom Segura? And you know, I saw it because I was, I was close. I saw it before the reaction, you know, where I, so like I, I see it step and I'm like.
1:10:08 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
1:10:08 Tom Segura? And then all of a sudden, like, it was like one, two, three, you see everyone. Like, yeah, it was horrible.
1:10:15 Speaker 01 Oh, what a terrible. Did you see? So wait, also.
1:10:17 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah.
1:10:18 Speaker 01 So he's doing a high dive job.
1:10:19 Tom Segura? Yeah, he's like, he's about to, um, jump. And I guess it looks like there's slot, slots in there? Slats? What is it? What's the word I'm looking for?
1:10:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, slats.
1:10:28 Tom Segura? It's poorly designed. It's very.
1:10:30 Speaker 01 That's crazy. You're about to jump off that. Was that a knot in?
1:10:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, they need a board on that. They don't have a board. The board's off and he goes, "Fuck the safety rules. I'll do it anyway." Went right through it. Okay, but here's the problem.
1:10:44 Tom Segura? What?
1:10:45 Speaker 01 So, high dives is generally a judge sport.
1:10:49 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:10:50 Speaker 01 What's the score?
1:10:54 Tom Segura? Hmm.
1:10:55 Speaker 01 I'd say pretty, pretty poor.
1:10:56 Tom Segura? It's poor for execution.
1:10:58 Speaker 01 Didn't get, no splash though.
1:10:59 Tom Segura? No splash?
1:11:00 Speaker 01 No splash. That's, that's one of the keys you're looking for.
1:11:02 Tom Segura? Original.
1:11:03 Speaker 01 Original?
1:11:04 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:11:04 Speaker 01 No one's done this kind of dive before.
1:11:06 Tom Segura? Creative. Yeah. So, uh, 6-3?
1:11:14 Speaker 01 Do you have a, a, a new moment? Do you have a mic that's here just when you have a fart to fart into it? Is that Christina going, "Don't fart into my fucking mic anymore"?
1:11:25 Tom Segura? No, she's like, "Please have a mic."
1:11:26 Speaker 01 Have a spare mic.
1:11:27 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:11:28 Speaker 01 So he's got a mic called fart.
1:11:30 Tom Segura? He's a fart mic, yeah. She loves it.
1:11:32 Speaker 01 If you gave an autistic child a billion dollars, they would build the YMH studios.
1:11:40 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:11:41 Speaker 01 It's crazy.
1:11:42 Tom Segura? It's crazy. It's crazy. Did you see the now mega viral clip of Ray J on Cam Newton's show?
1:11:53 Speaker 01 No.
1:11:55 Tom Segura? You got, this is a few weeks ago.
1:11:57 Speaker 01 Ray J is the one who fucked the Kardashian.
1:12:00 Tom Segura? That's right.
1:12:00 Speaker 01 Who sent her famous.
1:12:02 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:12:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:12:03 Tom Segura? Who was, is, is built to please, as you like to say.
1:12:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:12:07 Tom Segura? Yeah. And, um,
1:12:09 Speaker 01 Right.
1:12:09 Tom Segura? Cam, you know Cam, former NFL All-Pro quarterback.
1:12:13 Speaker 01 Panther great.
1:12:13 Tom Segura? Yeah, great quarterback. So he-
1:12:15 Speaker 01 I just love it when a woman weighs in on sports. Remember that one? He goes, "I just think it's funny when, and people like, "What?" It was, "No, I mean, just like you've never..." Uh, my bad. I was like, "Oh dude."
1:12:26 Tom Segura? Oh yeah, that was hot. Um, there was also the moment, I love the, um, the, from the in-game, Mike is on.
1:12:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:12:35 Tom Segura? And he's like, standing behind the, uh-
1:12:40 Tom Segura? Line of scrimmage and the linebacker says like, like screen, screen, screen, or something like that. And, uh, Cam's goes, oh, you've been watching film, huh? Watch this. And then takes the snap from the shotgun formation and throws it a touchdown.
1:12:57 Speaker 01 Launches one downfield?
1:12:58 Tom Segura? No, it's like, it's like, it's close to the end zone.
1:13:00 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:13:01 Tom Segura? But like, he's like, you've been watching film, huh? Watch this. And then he just throws it down.
1:13:04 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:13:05 Tom Segura? It's awesome.
1:13:05 Speaker 01 Because he's also watching film and he knows one weakness. He's like, no, you got my play picked up, but you don't, the Titans is gonna go out and you don't know.
1:13:12 Tom Segura? It's awesome.
1:13:13 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:13:14 Tom Segura? It might be this one right here. Here it is.
1:13:19 Tom Segura? That's cool. Watch this.
1:13:22 Speaker 01 He's having fun.
1:13:23 Tom Segura? Yeah. Yeah, it's like a kid.
1:13:28 Tom Segura? How gangster is that?
1:13:29 Speaker 01 That's cool.
1:13:34 Tom Segura? It's so cool, dude.
1:13:35 Speaker 01 It's a wheel route. Wow.
1:13:36 Tom Segura? To be in the NFL and have that interaction. Yeah, he's like, haha.
1:13:39 Speaker 01 He's still just playing a game.
1:13:40 Tom Segura? Yeah, so cool.
1:13:42 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:13:43 Tom Segura? So anyway, he has this, this.
1:13:45 Speaker 01 Okay, so he has a, he has a podcast now.
1:13:46 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah.
1:13:47 Speaker 01 A lot of athletes doing podcasts.
1:13:48 Tom Segura? A lot of them. This one's, he's great. And this is a, this interaction is amazing.
1:13:53 Speaker 01 I like a, I like a, we'll play it in a second, but I like a, like this, like a, um, former rapper or former athlete podcast, because like, I'm done. So I'll say anything.
1:14:05 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:14:05 Speaker 01 Because you can't take anything away from me. This is all just bonus.
1:14:08 Tom Segura? All the Smoke? That's one of the best ones, dude.
1:14:10 Speaker 01 What's All the Smoke?
1:14:11 Tom Segura? That's, um.
1:14:12 Speaker 01 Is that 50 Cent?
1:14:13 Tom Segura? No, no, Matt Barnes and, uh, Stephen Jackson, Sacks, right?
1:14:19 Speaker 01 Matt Barnes is one of the few, uh, threats of violence I got after that Kobe tweet that I was like, no, that's fair. You knew him.
1:14:24 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah, yeah.
1:14:25 Speaker 01 That one's, that one's fair.
1:14:26 Tom Segura? This, their, their show is great, dude.
1:14:28 Speaker 01 Interesting.
1:14:28 Tom Segura? It's great. They just have all.
1:14:31 Speaker 01 And they're just like, I'm done playing. This is like, this fun bonus thing. I don't care. If I say something wrong or you take it all away.
1:14:36 Tom Segura? They don't give a fuck.
1:14:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:14:38 Tom Segura? And they have great conversations with a bu, like, they have had so many good episodes, dude.
1:14:42 Speaker 01 Okay, let me see Cam and Ray J.
1:14:44 Tom Segura? Okay, here you go.
1:14:44 Speaker 01 They got James Worthy.
1:14:46 Tom Segura? For the record.
1:14:47 Speaker 01 Wait.
1:14:49 Tom Segura? What?
1:14:50 Speaker 01 What a way to come into this.
1:14:51 Tom Segura? I know.
1:14:53 Speaker 02 You asked me that last time. And I just, because. That's just not okay. Last time wasn't this time. But when you say, I'm gonna knock you out and put you in my bed, that, that's. That means I was gonna sleep in and then put you.
1:15:04 Speaker 06 In a bit with me.
1:15:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's right. That's the gay thing.
1:15:07 Speaker 02 Very suspect, uh, choice of words, brother.
1:15:10 Speaker 01 By the way, they're both dressed so gay.
1:15:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:15:13 Speaker 01 They're both dressed, not just gay, they're both dressed gay to impress.
1:15:17 Tom Segura? Well, Cam is famous for his fashion, you know, you know, like he always has had like pretty.
1:15:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, but sure, absolutely.
1:15:26 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah.
1:15:26 Speaker 01 But if you put this guy at fucking Mickey's on West on fucking Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood, you wouldn't go, that's an athlete.
1:15:35 Tom Segura? Right.
1:15:35 Speaker 01 You just go, that's some guy at Mickey's.
1:15:40 Speaker 02 I don't, either way, we accept you, bro.
1:15:43 Speaker 06 So I listen to like Biggie Smalls. You like Biggie?
1:15:49 Speaker 06 Giving you an analogy to it. There's a, there's a, there's something to it.
1:15:52 Speaker 02 Can you answer yes or no and then go into that?
1:15:55 Speaker 01 That side was great.
1:15:57 Speaker 06 Shout out to the gay agency.
1:15:58 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:16:00 Speaker 06 What does it matter if I'm gay or not?
1:16:02 Speaker 02 I just, it doesn't matter. I'm just asking a question.
1:16:04 Speaker 06 It's part that that's, I mean, okay, so people like people.
1:16:12 Speaker 06 When they leave here, we're all together. When you leave and it's done and it's a wrap for the day.
1:16:20 Speaker 06 Everybody's gonna do something. Everybody's gonna go to their respective places. Some people are gonna go home and I hate to say this, but it's just gonna be grimy, but.
1:16:31 Tom Segura? You gotta hear this. Hold on. Some people are gonna go home.
1:16:35 Speaker 06 They got a dog. Their favorite dog. They stop by the store, grab some peanut butter.
1:16:43 Speaker 06 Right?
1:16:45 Speaker 06 Go home, excited to see their dog. They put a bunch of peanut butter on their feet. Till the dog can lick it off. Some people even go further to watch TV on all fours. Slap a little peanut butter in the crack and enjoy themselves and the dog is having a good time, right?
1:17:02 Tom Segura? Cam is so bad.
1:17:03 Speaker 06 I don't know what that is. It's none of my business.
1:17:05 Tom Segura? It's none of my business.
1:17:07 Speaker 02 Have you ever did that?
1:17:09 Speaker 06 Have I ever had a dog lick my ass in peanut butter in it? Um, no. But I, but I'm familiar with it.
1:17:16 Speaker 02 So Willie Ray.
1:17:18 Speaker 06 I'm familiar with it because I caught somebody doing it.
1:17:21 Speaker 02 Willie Ray.
1:17:22 Speaker 01 What, what?
1:17:24 Speaker 06 I won't say no names, but it was a lot.
1:17:26 Speaker 02 Willie Ray.
1:17:27 Speaker 06 Yes.
1:17:27 Speaker 02 How old are you?
1:17:29 Speaker 06 I'm forty five.
1:17:30 Speaker 02 You're forty five years old. In forty-five years of living, have you ever been with a man?
1:17:41 Speaker 06 I mean, it's no.
1:17:42 Speaker 02 You have not?
1:17:44 Speaker 06 You have not is now you're going into it.
1:17:46 Speaker 02 No, I'm not. I'm just trying to confirm.
1:17:49 Speaker 06 Yeah, but I don't want to, but here's the thing.
1:17:50 Speaker 01 It was a long pause to say no.
1:17:52 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:17:52 Speaker 06 Board pause.
1:17:55 Speaker 06 And I'm the only straight person on the board. But again, I have friends, shout out to Tarot, shout out to Dumpin' D, shout out to Backshot, shout out to Bussy Baby.
1:18:04 Speaker 01 Shout out to Bussy Baby.
1:18:07 Speaker 06 That supports the gay agency and all the.
1:18:09 Speaker 01 What's the gay agency?
1:18:10 Tom Segura? I don't know.
1:18:12 Speaker 06 It's not an agency, it's a gay agency.
1:18:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:18:14 Speaker 02 Oh, thank you. Good answer.
1:18:15 Speaker 06 All things LGBTQ plus I, I plus, sorry. It's just because you, I was already going in and then you looked up, I was plus, I, but it's I plus.
1:18:23 Tom Segura? Okay, cool.
1:18:25 Speaker 02 He's like, I don't care about any of this. Are you, fuck it, are you a homo?
1:18:28 Speaker 06 I didn't want to have to ask this, but it's fair. Are you gay?
1:18:32 Speaker 02 No, sir.
1:18:33 Speaker 06 Okay.
1:18:33 Speaker 01 Look how much quicker that answer was.
1:18:35 Speaker 06 See?
1:18:36 Speaker 02 And I've never experienced nobody getting licked.
1:18:41 Speaker 06 No.
1:18:41 Speaker 02 I'm just.
1:18:41 Speaker 06 That was, yeah, but that's for older people.
1:18:45 Speaker 02 Okay, okay.
1:18:45 Speaker 06 Older people do that.
1:18:46 Speaker 02 Would you consider thirty-six old?
1:18:48 Speaker 06 No, I'm thinking like, it's like fifty, fifty-five.
1:18:50 Speaker 02 Good thing I'm thirty-six, so.
1:18:52 Speaker 06 Yeah. So I'm older than you?
1:18:56 Tom Segura? What? That too, he was like.
1:19:01 Speaker 01 But I mean, hold on, he's, he's nine years older than him, so when.
1:19:04 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:19:05 Speaker 01 When Ray J was thirty, Cam was not in the NFL then.
1:19:08 Tom Segura? Right.
1:19:09 Speaker 01 So, why are you shocked that?
1:19:12 Tom Segura? Yeah, I don't know.
1:19:13 Speaker 01 You remember him getting drafted and you were already fucking dudes at the time.
1:19:18 Tom Segura? That wow is be like, it's crazy that I'm older than you. It's like, no, it's not, dude.
1:19:22 Speaker 01 I'm so young.
1:19:23 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:19:24 Speaker 01 Same, it keeps you young.
1:19:25 Speaker 06 Not like that, I'm just saying. I feel young.
1:19:31 Speaker 06 Um, yeah, again, my apologies for the peanut butter stuff. It just was an analogy.
1:19:36 Speaker 02 Say less. You're just telling an experience.
1:19:39 Speaker 06 It's not mine.
1:19:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you experienced someone.
1:19:42 Speaker 06 I saw it.
1:19:42 Speaker 02 Which is still an experience.
1:19:44 Speaker 06 Peanut butter was there.
1:19:45 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:19:45 Speaker 01 He holds a cigarette, guy.
1:19:47 Tom Segura? The whole thing was fucking.
1:19:49 Speaker 01 The whole thing's pretty.
1:19:50 Tom Segura? This is one of the best clips I've seen in a long time for an interview.
1:19:53 Speaker 01 There's a lot, a lot to unpack.
1:19:55 Tom Segura? First, he's like, are you gay? He's like, do you like Biggie Smalls?
1:19:58 Speaker 01 I'd love to sigh.
1:19:59 Tom Segura? Right?
1:19:59 Speaker 01 It just goes like.
1:20:01 Tom Segura? Can you just answer? He's like, you like Biggie?
1:20:04 Speaker 01 He was talking to Ray J like, like you talk to a drunk heckler.
1:20:07 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:20:08 Speaker 01 Who's not taking like, oh, you got me on that one? They just keep going and eventually like, dude, you're belligerent.
1:20:13 Tom Segura? We gotta get him out of here.
1:20:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:20:14 Tom Segura? We can't do this.
1:20:15 Speaker 01 Come on, guys, I've tried.
1:20:16 Tom Segura? Yeah. No, that's exactly how he is. And then he's like, we're all gonna leave here, right? We're all people. It's like, yeah.
1:20:24 Tom Segura? Some people love their dog and they're gonna go get peanut butter. And when they get home, that's what they're gonna do.
1:20:31 Speaker 01 Has you ever did that? And he goes, no, but I've seen people. And goes, and that's one where Burt would be like, get sidetracked on the story.
1:20:39 Tom Segura? Oh, my God.
1:20:40 Speaker 01 Cam stayed in the pocket and go, I'm, I'll go down that road in a minute. I want this gay answer, so let's stay on point.
1:20:46 Tom Segura? Well, the part of the brilliance of this clip is honestly Cam not speaking.
1:20:52 Speaker 01 Play calling.
1:20:53 Tom Segura? He, he knew to let him go. And that's like a great.
1:20:58 Speaker 01 Really, every podcast needs to learn that. I do.
1:21:00 Tom Segura? Interviewer tactic, right? If, if somebody is on one like this, you gotta just stay quiet. That's why we got this clip is because he stayed quiet. That was amazing.
1:21:12 Speaker 01 Can I point something else out, too?
1:21:14 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:21:14 Speaker 01 If you just watch on mute, Cam Newton didn't put a lot of money in these chairs. They're very rickety.
1:21:21 Speaker 01 Just from a production standpoint, like get something stronger.
1:21:24 Tom Segura? You want better chairs?
1:21:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, press play, watch it shake. You don't have to listen to it as he moves.
1:21:29 Tom Segura? Hold on.
1:21:32 Speaker 01 Look at that.
1:21:32 Tom Segura? Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying.
1:21:34 Speaker 01 Cheap, Cam. Cheap, bro. Rookie of the year.
1:21:37 Tom Segura? I did not.
1:21:38 Speaker 01 Go, come on.
1:21:42 Tom Segura? Okay. All right. Fair.
1:21:45 Speaker 01 Fair. This is the high level, this is the shit I would do in my apartment.
1:21:48 Tom Segura? You're the only guy who watched this probably in the world. Who's like, what's up with these chairs, bro?
1:21:57 Tom Segura? All right, are you gay?
1:22:03 Speaker 01 Tom.
1:22:05 Speaker 01 Man, if Bert was here, we could have a long talk.
1:22:11 Speaker 01 Okay. Do I have friends?
1:22:15 Tom Segura? Can you please just answer the question?
1:22:17 Speaker 01 I'm trying, I'm setting up an analogy for what I'm talking about.
1:22:22 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:22:24 Speaker 01 Do I have friends?
1:22:26 Tom Segura? Yes.
1:22:26 Speaker 01 Yes. Now, a lot of those friends have hats, have baseball caps, have other types of, some have cowboy hats. And everyone wears a different cap at different times. And sometimes, Tom,
1:22:38 Speaker 01 sometimes they don't wear any cap at all. They just brush their hair and go out.
1:22:43 Speaker 01 And I'm not here to judge those people. How old are you?
1:22:47 Tom Segura? Forty-seven.
1:22:54 Speaker 01 So whatever cap you have on is your cap for the day. And I'm familiar with people who've done it every way. Next question.
1:23:02 Tom Segura? What?
1:23:09 Tom Segura? You like hats, right?
1:23:12 Tom Segura? I guess it's so insane.
1:23:18 Tom Segura? All right, listen. This was a lot of fun.
1:23:21 Speaker 01 This was a lot of fun. Dude, this is such a fun pod. I'm sorry Christina couldn't be here today.
1:23:26 Tom Segura? Yes.
1:23:27 Speaker 01 Don't forget to buy her lipstick. Can we show one of these production cards that the idiots made?
1:23:31 Tom Segura? Yeah, can we?
1:23:32 Speaker 01 So my last production card was me, actually, it was that moment, you, you made it happen. It was, I don't, I, I'm an outsider of Hollywood. And so like, you need a production card, you're, I'm like, I'm not, actually, that's my old one. It's just me blurred out onstage after you told me, take your dick out. Well, I was-
1:23:48 Tom Segura? I can't believe that was me.
1:23:50 Speaker 01 It was you.
1:23:50 Tom Segura? Really?
1:23:51 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. And it was a great suggestion.
1:23:52 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:23:54 Speaker 01 But I was like, let's do that. How about a blurred out shot of my cock?
1:23:57 Tom Segura? Got it.
1:23:58 Speaker 01 I'm sure my first thing was like, have my cock. And they're like, no.
1:24:00 Tom Segura? No. And so what's the other one?
1:24:02 Speaker 01 So I was gone traveling and had my files and we had to start finishing these. So I wrote to Niana and Zolo and the rest of them. And I was like, guys, If you don't mind the extra work, make me any production card or production cards you want for the end and I'll just force myself to use those.
1:24:19 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:24:20 Speaker 01 So I have not seen them all. I've seen a couple of them. They're rude.
1:24:26 Tom Segura? They're rude?
1:24:26 Speaker 01 Some of them are, I would say, over the line.
1:24:29 Tom Segura? Okay.
1:24:30 Speaker 01 Can we, oh, come on.
1:24:41 Tom Segura? That's, that's the card?
1:24:42 Speaker 01 That's okay. So it goes YMH and then goes Eric Aver's card. The, you, I, you know, the thing where it goes like this, whatever, and then that.
1:24:50 Tom Segura? Holy shit.
1:24:53 Speaker 04 Kaitlyn made that one?
1:24:54 Speaker 01 Who made that one?
1:24:55 Speaker 04 Kaitlyn.
1:24:56 Speaker 01 Wow, Kaitlyn. I trusted you.
1:24:59 Tom Segura? That is slightly offensive.
1:25:03 Speaker 01 The cool thing about making a TV show completely on your own is you're allowed to do whatever you want.
1:25:06 Tom Segura? You really can. That's hilarious, bro.
1:25:09 Speaker 01 Wow.
1:25:10 Tom Segura? Oh, there's other ones.
1:25:11 Speaker 01 Some are less offensive. This is me dancing at Carnival.
1:25:15 Tom Segura? Did you go to Carnival?
1:25:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:25:16 Tom Segura? How was it? It was amazing. Oh, you said it was amazing?
1:25:18 Speaker 01 It was just the best. Just dancing and drinking.
1:25:22 Speaker 01 Oh, come on. All right.
1:25:24 Tom Segura? That's, that's pretty good.
1:25:26 Speaker 04 Which one did they use?
1:25:27 Speaker 01 They used seven of them. Seven episodes.
1:25:30 Tom Segura? Oh, they switched them out?
1:25:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:25:32 Tom Segura? Okay, let me see another one. These are fucking great, man.
1:25:42 Speaker 01 I have no regrets on that one.
1:25:43 Tom Segura? That was pretty great.
1:25:44 Speaker 01 They're really getting in there. Bandit.
1:25:49 Speaker 01 Nice.
1:25:49 Tom Segura? That's pretty great, dude.
1:25:50 Speaker 01 Nice. If you want to hear a story about that card, episode one of The End with me, Colin Terrill and Tom Segura.
1:25:57 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:25:57 Speaker 01 That's another one where you're like, are you worried about telling these stories? I'm like, I gotta talk to him.
1:26:01 Tom Segura? Yeah, yeah.
1:26:01 Speaker 01 He's fine.
1:26:06 Tom Segura? I like it.
1:26:06 Speaker 01 It's from You Be Trippin'.
1:26:07 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:26:07 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:26:08 Tom Segura? I like it.
1:26:09 Speaker 01 Oh, boy.
1:26:10 Tom Segura? Ah, oh. Oh, I remember the Jew clam. That's kind of, that reminds me of Jew clam. That first one is nuts.
1:26:20 Speaker 01 That first one, yeah. No one stays till the end. No one stays till the end or it already be in trouble.
1:26:27 Speaker 01 It's a gold coin that comes out of it.
1:26:30 Tom Segura? That is insane.
1:26:30 Speaker 01 Who did that one?
1:26:31 Tom Segura? Kaylin.
1:26:32 Speaker 01 Nice, bro.
1:26:32 Tom Segura? That's amazing.
1:26:33 Speaker 01 You really have, it's like you've trained a bunch of lions and then released donkeys and go, let's see what they do.
1:26:39 Tom Segura? Yeah, they kill it all the time, man. These guys are so funny.
1:26:42 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
1:26:43 Tom Segura? Um, get the end. It's at YMH studios.com. All the comedians participate.
1:26:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're paying the comics.
1:26:50 Tom Segura? Yeah, it's not like.
1:26:51 Speaker 01 This doesn't really been done. I don't, is this done ever?
1:26:54 Tom Segura? Mm-mm.
1:26:55 Speaker 01 It's like points for like stars, but like not like this.
1:26:58 Tom Segura? Not like this, no, it's crazy.
1:26:59 Speaker 01 We're told all the comics, there was a mixture of comics between people who were like, wanted to do show always and it was never on.
1:27:05 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:27:05 Speaker 01 They got canceled, I couldn't do it. I've always wanted to. Old timers, like you who was like, I love this show. It's funny too, when the show got sort of canceled.
1:27:12 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:27:13 Speaker 01 And then they were like, are you still gonna do it? You and Burt were like, no.
1:27:16 Tom Segura? No.
1:27:16 Speaker 01 I didn't want to do it already.
1:27:18 Tom Segura? No.
1:27:18 Speaker 01 I was just doing a favor for Ari. Ari's out, what are you talking about?
1:27:21 Tom Segura? Talking about, no way.
1:27:22 Speaker 01 But, but, um, yeah, and it was like, all these guys are doing, like, let's split up the money with everybody.
1:27:28 Tom Segura? It's a very cool idea. It's very cool. Um, the show is great.
1:27:31 Speaker 01 Thank you.
1:27:32 Tom Segura? And, um.
1:27:32 Speaker 01 Thank you for helping it happen and all these guys.
1:27:34 Tom Segura? Absolutely.
1:27:34 Speaker 01 Thank you.
1:27:35 Tom Segura? Yeah, they, um, they killed it. And don't forget, check out Chichabumba.
1:27:40 Speaker 01 What?
1:27:40 Tom Segura? Chichabumba.
1:27:41 Speaker 01 Oh, that's it.
1:27:42 Tom Segura? The bakery, yeah.
1:27:43 Speaker 01 Chichabumba, what is?
1:27:44 Tom Segura? That is a little fat ass, like we call a little fat kid.
1:27:46 Speaker 01 Chichabumba, okay. Uh, yeah, check out the bakery. I'm going today.
1:27:50 Tom Segura? Please.
1:27:51 Speaker 01 Can I ask you a question?
1:27:51 Tom Segura? Yeah.
1:27:52 Speaker 01 So today is like a soft, a soft launch?
1:27:54 Tom Segura? Yeah, it's like a little event before.
1:27:55 Speaker 01 Yeah. So, and it's okay either way, but I just want to know, like, is today like freebies or is like a paid thing?
1:28:04 Tom Segura? Oh, fuck, man. It's, it's free.
1:28:07 Speaker 01 Hey, cancel that order from the burrito place.
1:28:11 Tom Segura? You can eat, eat your heart out, dude.
1:28:12 Speaker 01 Well, buddy, I'm gonna eat you poor.
1:28:14 Tom Segura? Yeah, please do.
1:28:15 Speaker 01 Now you're gonna rename it Pobre Segura.
1:28:19 Tom Segura? And how you say thank you in Hebrew?
1:28:20 Speaker 01 Tadabba.
1:28:21 Tom Segura? Tadabba.
1:28:22 Speaker 01 Tadabba.
1:28:26 Tom Segura? Check sorry. All right.
1:28:28 Speaker 01 It's such a.
1:28:31 Tom Segura? Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. We'll see you next week.
1:28:41 Tom Segura? Are you Jewit, blender, retard? Fuck my guy! Are you Jewit, blender, gender fluid in your mouth? Are you Jewit, blender, retard? Are you Jewit, give me your gender fluid?
1:28:56 Tom Segura? Are you Jewit, blender, retard? Fuck my guy! Are you Jewit, blender, gender fluid in your mouth? Are you Jewit, blender, retard? Are you Jewit, blender, gender fluid in your mouth?
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