Ari Matti Is An International Problem | Your Mom's House Ep. 853

The End is Ari's new storytelling show! It's almost here! Premieres April 16 on https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ . Presale pricing only available for a short time! You get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely unfiltered stories for $24.99. Afterwards, the price will increase so get it now! SPONSORS: For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/YMH. Tom Segura holds it down solo on this episode of Your Mom’s House while Christina is away, and he’s joined by comedian Ari Matti for one wildly funny conversation. Ari breaks down his insane journey from Estonia to Melbourne, London, New York, and Austin, explains how he learned to do stand-up in a second language, and talks about going from open mics overseas to getting passed at The Comedy Mothership and becoming a Kill Tony regular. Along the way, Tom and Ari get into Ari’s background in MMA, the delusional confidence it takes to survive comedy, and why being an outsider ended up becoming his biggest advantage. Then things go fully off the rails with stories about foreign chiropractors, Estonian blackface on national TV, Robert Paul Champagne, Alex Jones, Liver King at the Four Seasons, catastrophic injury clips, and one of the most disgusting travel-hookup stories ever told on the show. It’s a classic YMH mix of comedy, chaos, culture shock, internet lunatics, and deeply questionable sexual honesty. Your Mom’s House Ep. 853 https://tomsegura.com/tourhttps://christinap.com/https://store.ymhstudios.comhttps://www.reddit.com/r/yourmomshousepodcast Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:02 - Comedy In Non-Native Tongue 00:11:20 - America & MMA Fighting 00:19:17 - Opening Clip: I'll Eat It 00:23:33 - Foreign Chiropractors 00:28:48 - Big Word Burger 00:32:34 - Clip: Alex Jones Calling It Quits 00:34:13 - Liver King & Rogan 00:37:42 - Big Break & YMH Memories 00:41:30 - Horrible Or Hilarious 00:48:27 - Brain Injuries 00:58:19 - What's Happening With The Internet? 01:00:35 - Kinky Unc 01:04:13 - Plugging Dates 01:05:44 - Fat Boy For Life 01:08:37 - Closing Song - "WHAAAT" by Tyler Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Welcome. Welcome to Your Mom's House.

• 0:12Speaker 01

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• 0:41Speaker 02

  These are good cameras.

• 0:42Tom Segura?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 0:43Speaker 02

  These are like good cameras, dude.

• 0:45Tom Segura?

  Look at those triceps. Oh, shit. That's all natural?

• 0:50Speaker 02

  You see a horn missing a... You see a fucking horse missing a shoe? It's right here, dude.

• 0:57Tom Segura?

  All right, welcome. Welcome to an episode of Your Mom's House. Christina's out on a girl's trip. That sounds fun.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Where?

• 1:05Tom Segura?

  She went out west, I think, to crochet and whitewater wrap. Whatever chicks do. I don't know.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13Tom Segura?

  I'm jealous, but this is good to be here, man.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, fuck, yeah. I love it.

• 1:17Tom Segura?

  You stay up late when no one's home, you know?

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Thank God.

• 1:19Tom Segura?

  I don't have any rules. I just stay up late.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  But you've got kids, though.

• 1:23Tom Segura?

  I know. So I tell them, I'm like, "All right, we're all going to bed." And then I don't.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  And you stay hang out at the east wing of the house?

• 1:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, then I just stay up.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31Tom Segura?

  Dude, I'm so excited. I mean, I've obviously run into you at the club a bunch of times, but I never got to spend that much time with you. I think, first of all, I have to tell you, I think personally, I've always thought it's remarkable that somebody does stand up in not their native tongue in another country. I think it's really crazy. I really think it's crazy. I remember, I'll tell you, I remember this, like... This would have been, Jesus Christ, it's like fifteen, sixteen years ago. I was, uh, I was writing on a pilot for Comedy Central when they were a thing. And, uh, Kumail Nanjiani.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 2:08Tom Segura?

  Was one of the other writers. And I was like, wait, so like, you grew up in Pakistan? And he was like, yeah, and I'm like, and you do stand up here?

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:16Tom Segura?

  It's like, yeah, I'm like, well, how, like, I, how?

• 2:20Speaker 02

  Did he also do stand up in Pakistan?

• 2:22Tom Segura?

  I don't think so, no.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  See, it's a bit different.

• 2:24Tom Segura?

  He started here.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  It's a bit different then because you have one point of perspective, the outsider perspective.

• 2:30Tom Segura?

  I guess, yeah, you're right. But what I'm saying is like, I get, you know, A, you have to learn the lang-, you have to master your, a second language. But also, you have to kind of start to really understand culturally who you're talking to, right?

• 2:47Speaker 02

  And who, like, how you're coming off as.

• 2:49Tom Segura?

  Yes.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  You, you, it's, uh, you know, they always say, um, in therapy, that's like a common thing. They say like, if you're really in a rut in your life, you should learn a new language because you discover, because you, you can kind of become a new person.

• 3:02Tom Segura?

  Interesting.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  You know, it's like when you move to a new place, remember when you were a kid and you like switched schools?

• 3:07Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  All, all the fact shit that all the other guys knew from you, about you.

• 3:12Tom Segura?

  It's all gone.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  It's a new slate, but then it starts to slip.

• 3:15Tom Segura?

  It slips it, and you're like, oh, you do suck.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do suck, yeah.

• 3:19Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but like, I see, I have a, a perspective in that I've done full shows in Spanish. But I realize though, it's not the same as like what you've done because I grew up in, first of all, in a house where they're speaking Spanish. And I have cultural insight. So when I perform, even though they're like, you're not a hundred percent us.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:42Tom Segura?

  They get to like, oh yeah, you're, you, you get what we are, you know, like you're, you're partially us.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  The lucky thing about Estonia is such a tiny country. It's, it's that Estonian is its own language, but we're super influenced by Western media.

• 3:56Tom Segura?

  That's what I keep hearing by every, everyone, every.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Super influenced.

• 3:59Tom Segura?

  It's like I grew up watching.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  I grew up at a show.

• 4:01Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 4:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, South Park.

• 4:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  So it's like, um, it's like, like American. It's like to use the term, you know, bilingual.

• 4:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  Like it's an achievement. In Estonia, we just say not retarded.

• 4:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  If you speak only Estonian in Estonia, you ain't going nowhere.

• 4:18Tom Segura?

  You're going nowhere.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Cause you gotta speak Russian or Finnish or English.

• 4:21Tom Segura?

  You speak all those?

• 4:23Speaker 02

  I speak a little Russian. I mean, Russian is like Spanish in Texas. If you wanna get shit done.

• 4:27Tom Segura?

  You have to know it.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  It's like, yeah.

• 4:29Tom Segura?

  How close are Estonian and Russian?

• 4:30Speaker 02

  I mean, different alphabet, totally different. We're like Finnish, Hungarian more.

• 4:34Tom Segura?

  Okay, and so you speak Finnish as well?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Finnish as well, yeah, I'm half Finnish.

• 4:38Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:39Tom Segura?

  That seems like a very, like.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Oh, it's all fucked up.

• 4:42Tom Segura?

  When I do, when I do European tours, I always do that thing, cause I've always liked languages. Where I'll be like, you know, I wanna, I like to be a good guest. And be like, hey, how do I say please? How do I say thank you? You know, little things, right? And then you just try to say, and you can tell that people are like, oh, that's very nice of you to, as a guest.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  Oh dude, when, when Estonian, when you say, when an American says something in Estonian, dude, they're just.

• 5:06Tom Segura?

  They're just rock hard.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 5:08Tom Segura?

  I was in Copenhagen. And I was like, how do I say whatever? And the lady was like, don't worry about it. And I go, well, I mean, I wanna try. And she was like, you really don't have to. And then I go, I mean, could you just tell me? And then she goes, okay. And then she says. And I go like this, and she was like, you just stick to English. And I go like, okay, thanks.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  So funny.

• 5:32Tom Segura?

  But that was like, don't even worry about it here. I don't feel, I feel like Finnish and Estonian would probably be the same, right? It'd be like, don't even try.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Don't even, yeah.

• 5:40Tom Segura?

  Well, how do you say like, please in Estonian?

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Uh, palun.

• 5:44Tom Segura?

  That's not too hard.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Palun.

• 5:46Tom Segura?

  Palun?

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:47Tom Segura?

  That's, that's reasonable.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  That's not too bad.

• 5:50Tom Segura?

  Thank you?

• 5:51Speaker 02

  Aita.

• 5:52Tom Segura?

  Aita?

• 5:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:53Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, we got those.

• 5:56Speaker 02

  We got those in there.

• 5:58Tom Segura?

  And, but you did stand up in Estonia?

• 6:00Speaker 02

  Well, interestingly enough, there wasn't like, uh, that was when I, like, we talked about before the show. I used to do a little bit of mixed martial arts and I, um.

• 6:08Tom Segura?

  Which is fucking bananas.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Getting kicked in the, dude, getting kicked in the head.

• 6:14Tom Segura?

  Cause you're a big dude.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  So I'm getting kicked by big dudes.

• 6:17Tom Segura?

  By big, they're like, I need to practice on a big guy.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  I could take a woman. Yeah, I can kick and I've kicked women in the head. It feels, it feels like something. It's a relief. I get it. It feels like. This is what I've, yeah. Yeah, this is. Everything that I've. It feels very correct. Yeah, yeah. To kick a woman in the head. Makes total sense. Bah! Yeah. It feels amazing. Have you fought women in the ring? Oh, yeah. Sparring, dude. And they always go, go, you know, because it's disrespectful to be like a pussy. Yeah. They take it as a sign of disrespect. I could see that. So I'll kick the shit out of you. Yeah.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  And then they're like, hey, easy, bro. Yeah, but I won't. Um, but then, yeah. So anyway, I was like traveling. I did some backpacking and then I moved to Melbourne, Australia, which inherently has a great comedy scene, which I was unaware of at the time. But is this after you started, you already started doing stand up or no? I tried it in a, I didn't know what it is. Uh huh. So I watch Eddie Murphy. I'm like, I watched Dave Chappelle. I'm like, I guess I gotta be black, you know? Yeah. Because I never saw a white guy do it. Right. Then I remember I saw Louis CK do it. And I was like, oh, fat slob of shit can do. Because when you watch black.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. Because when you watch a black guy do stand up, it seems like. It's like cool. Because and it looks like it's like pouring out of them. But Louis CK is kind of like, uh, he presents it. He also kind of presents it in a way that he's like making it up, but not really. It's still a present. There's a callbacks. There's, there's all this shit. I mean, Eddie just sings and dances. Yeah, yes. It's like a package. I don't got that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I saw, okay, ginger slob of shit does it? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Yeah. So then I just, dude, I, I printed out flyers and I did an, I did three shows of an hour without ever touching a microphone. This is, that's for your first time? Yeah, because I didn't even, I thought, I thought you just go. I, I thought you just go.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  First crowd was like me, like sixty people, all my friends. And I had like, you know, panic attack, nervous breakdown. Cause I've never even talked to him, like even the way it sounded was weird. So by the third show, there was maybe twelve people left. And then in the third show, I remember halfway, about twenty minutes in, I go, you know, let's just go home. Cause nothing's happening. Yeah, I don't. I don't have a narrative. Yeah. I'm just saying stuff. Yeah. But it looks so easy. Right. So then I like abandoned that idea kinda. So then I moved to Melbourne, they have a comics lounge there, they got workshops, open mics. I started listening to podcasts, you were on Rogan, I remember, because Rogan commented on the UFC. That's how I even found out that he has a podcast. Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, the commentator has a podcast.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  And I remember you, Joey Diaz, Bill Burr, and you start talking about sets. I was like, a set? Really? Opener, closer. Yeah. And then it starts like, then I started realizing, oh, it's like a whole practice thing. You can't just charisma your way out of it. Right. You know, so then I started doing, yeah, open mics in English, that's when I kinda started. Toured around Asia a little bit for like two years, you know, featuring, doing stuff like that. Fucking A dude, really? Then I moved back to Estonia where the time I was away, local scene had started. Then I go to Estonia, I go to an open mic, cause it's such a new art form.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  That, you know, the floodgates are open after Soviet Union collapsed, the culturally, how Estonia started like developing was so rapid. Rap and raves and western media and stand up, it's all like, it's all ramping up. So open mics would have like four or five hundred people. What? Yeah, yeah. And are people performing in both Estonian and English? Only Estonian, actually, there was a couple of English guys there too, but I would say the local guys were mostly Estonian. But you come back with like tons of confidence, I bet, right? Yeah, but I did it in English, which.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  If we speak the same language and I put on a different language, now there's a filter. Yeah, yeah. Between us and it's kind of bullshit. Uh huh. So then I started doing it in Estonian and within maybe like two or three years I moved to theaters because it was like there was nobody there doing American style stand up. Local guys were still storytellers and all that. Yeah. But I just had the reps, I had the reps. Because in Estonia, the open mic would happen every two weeks. I did twenty sets in Melbourne. Wow. So I had that mindset of like, and and those Estonians, because they started there, they were also, they knew sets and all, they already were educated, much more than I was. But they were still kind of like flubbering around of what is this?

• 11:05Speaker 02

  They're very indulgent in stage time because you could do twenty minutes, there's only fucking four guys. Yeah. You could do twenty minutes or there, but I'm hitting like punchlines after punchlines, like American style. Yeah. So then I did that. Uh, but I still, I felt like I need something more and it was kind of, you lack in, it's like, it's like being stuck in a small town doing stand up. Yeah. Who are you following, you know, who are you? So it started being a circle jerk with the other guys that I love them, they're my best friends, but still, we needed something new. So then I moved to Canada, Vancouver, I moved to London, I did a stint in New York, just to expand myself a little bit. Wow. And that was during the, it was about five years ago when I started realizing

• 11:50Speaker 02

  that um, I always felt like, God, I, when I looked at American stand up, I was always, I was always like, man, I wish I was American, you know, I wish I could fit in, I wish I could like, I wish I could be one of the guys, if you watch like Bill Burr, he's such an American man. So, yeah. All the references to sports. I remember I listened to your album Thrilled, great album. Yeah, thanks. Great fucking album, it's a killer. But it's so American, you talk about black people, you talk about the culture, so I always felt left out. Yeah. But about five years ago, it kind of clicked for me that I realized I actually might have an advantage because I am an outsider.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  So then I started pressing more, I started less trying to fit in and more trying to be like, what's my thing?

• 12:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  How do I look at?

• 12:39Tom Segura?

  And it took you all that to kind of figure that out?

• 12:42Speaker 02

  For sure, yeah.

• 12:43Tom Segura?

  So when you, after those stints, Vancouver, New York, is that, was the next stop Austin? After all that?

• 12:49Speaker 02

  Well, then, no, then I was kind of in a rut. I went back to Estonia for another two years. I just ran out of like, what did, where do I, I don't know if you know what's happening out there right now in comedy. If you're at open mics, no, nothing's happening.

• 13:02Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 13:03Speaker 02

  You know, nothing's really, there's no ladders, you know? Of course, there's now the mothership, there's the Comedy Store, which you did, you know, there was a, there's industry around. But you know how it is, there's a lot of people in fucking Seattle who are murderers, but you just don't get that opportunity and you just gotta move, you gotta, and I was looking for my spot, I just couldn't find it. I was also a little offensive, so sometimes I would get in trouble with local scenes.

• 13:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah, but the big thing, like, the big thing is that when you are in those places where you're like, it's not happening, it's the people who take action, right? That's like the big, like, when I look back on like where I started and like those group of guys, a lot of times we sit around, like, people that I started with, and you go like, remember so and so, and so and so, and so and so? And you're like, that guy was so funny, she was so funny. And that the thing is, they just, at one point, were like, well, I guess, that's it. You know what I mean? They didn't go like, I gotta find the next thing. And the reason other people did succeed is because they were like, well, I'm either moving, or you know what, I'm gonna, oh, is that the person I need to talk to to get the thing? I'm gonna go talk to them.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 14:09Tom Segura?

  Like, those people who take action, ultimately, you have to have some combination of the two.

• 14:16Speaker 04

  Welcome to the end, everybody. It's a storytelling show, me and my comedian friends, we're all telling true and really terrible stories. Into a toddler's face. Wild, face sometimes. Regretful. Every STD. Horrible. I'm gonna fuck you up. And amazing stories. We just got started. I'm gonna stop the terrorists.

• 14:32Speaker 00

  You're in trouble, best friend. Howdy, huh?

• 14:35Speaker 04

  This gonna be a good night.

• 14:36Speaker 05

  It's gonna kill us all.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  You should be in jail. Hey man, are you okay? I actually do well. You don't fucking talk to me, okay? I am a disciple of the Lord.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Don't you miss the spot!

• 14:50Speaker 04

  How did I get here? How did this happen?

• 14:53Speaker 01

  That's a good question.

• 15:08Speaker 00

  You guys ready to shut the show?

• 15:11Tom Segura?

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• 15:56Tom Segura?

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• 16:17Speaker 01

  When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply. See site for details. Kroger, fresh for everyone.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  I think I always had a little bit of delusion in me too.

• 16:50Tom Segura?

  That helps.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  That's with MMA and all of it.

• 16:51Tom Segura?

  That helps, yeah. You have to have the right degree of it.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Right degree of it, yeah.

• 16:56Tom Segura?

  Too much is not good, but none is actually not helpful either.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  And bitterness is like a big, is like a big thing.

• 17:04Tom Segura?

  Fuck that motherfucker, yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 17:06Tom Segura?

  So wait, you, when you were doing this MMA shit, which is so insane, um, and you're getting throttled by these like massive, whatever, crazy fighters, you must have racked up some serious concussions too, right?

• 17:19Speaker 02

  I never was clean out.

• 17:20Tom Segura?

  Never clean out?

• 17:21Speaker 02

  But I definitely had headaches falling asleep.

• 17:23Tom Segura?

  Like your bell rung?

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a crazy thing to do, man.

• 17:27Speaker 02

  But an interesting thing, very similar to in stand-up or whatever you do in life, it's like, um, I was very like, I was very driven, but I always looked for the shortcut. That was my thing, like with MMA. I was always, I knew I was in trouble when I was in the middle of class. I remember my teacher was talking about arm bar defense and I'm like daydreaming about my entrance song. You know, I'm thinking of the accolades.

• 17:52Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  Not of the actual work.

• 17:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  You meet a lot of people in stand-up too. They wanna be the fame, they wanna be the cool guy who got it.

• 18:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  Bitches, you know?

• 18:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's not the thing.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  But they're not actually thinking about the emotion behind the set that they're doing that night.

• 18:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  They're thinking about the accolades, you know?

• 18:09Tom Segura?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  That was me in MMA.

• 18:10Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Whereas in comedy, I love the work. I love sets. I love jokes. So I can focus on that. But in MMA, I was like, man, I just wanna get these bitches.

• 18:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  I just wanna get bitches.

• 18:23Tom Segura?

  I mean, that's the, like, you summarized it perfectly. You gotta be obsessed with the work.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:27Tom Segura?

  To get success in something.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  Absolutely. So I was looking for like shortcut. But interestingly, how confidence sometimes works is when I kind of started letting go of that dream, you know, you start meeting like fighters who are like living in their car. They're like seven and four and the brain is starting to get motion motion.

• 18:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  You know, you're like, oof, I see like the CT setting in, you know? I would meet people like that in Thailand especially. They're like on their last legs. They're doing all these like Thai fights, you know, they're like somewhere in a bar. You get a $500, you know, you live in the gym.

• 19:01Tom Segura?

  Oh my god.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  And that's a life I couldn't do.

• 19:04Tom Segura?

  No.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  So that's, I realized, that's a bridge I cannot cross. You know, whereas in comedy, dude, if I was still in hostels, if I'm, if I get a feature spot, I'm in.

• 19:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  If I get to riff twenty minutes, you know.

• 19:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  I'm in. And I realized in MMA, that's a bridge that I'm not willing to cross. And then interestingly, how confidence sometimes works is when I let go of the dream, I got actually pretty good. Like the last year, when I was already dabbling in comedy, but also I went down to spar, still, cause I still love the sport.

• 19:36Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  That's when I remember my coach was like, "Now you should start." Cause I already had those losses and it was all fucked.

• 19:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:44Speaker 02

  He said, "Now you should start, cause something clicked in your head."

• 19:47Tom Segura?

  So interesting.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  You let go of expectations and you focus on just doing it.

• 19:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  And.

• 19:52Tom Segura?

  You weren't in your head as much about it either, right?

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Absolute, oh, absolutely. I started getting high.

• 19:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah, highs, good.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  I was getting high, I was loose.

• 20:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  I wasn't worried about what's the new day bringing. I was just enjoying the moment.

• 20:05Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  And it really taught me a lesson of like, of like, sometimes, yeah, if you, if you become present and enjoy the work of what you're doing, then you can really like succeed, you know?

• 20:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, that's amazing. That's amazing, dude. Um, I forgot to play our opening clip. We always play an opening clip, so I'll play it for you here and then we'll go into it.

• 20:23Speaker 04

  You do not eat ass. I don't eat no ass.

• 20:28Speaker 04

  Why? Uh, shit become that up.

• 20:35Speaker 04

  Now eat it. That shit is big time! That was Randy. Don't bring anyone mother into this. Your momma the fucking stand!

• 20:44Speaker 00

  Welcome, welcome to your mom's house. With Tom Segura.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  Tom Segura. Christina Pajicic.

• 20:53Speaker 02

  Go strip. Welcome to your mom's house. Go strip with the host, go strip with the host, go strip with the host.

• 21:30Tom Segura?

  There it is.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  He was drinking out of a Buc-Ee's cup.

• 21:34Tom Segura?

  Of course, he eats ass. He's like, well, he did.

• 21:38Tom Segura?

  Uh, do you eat ass?

• 21:39Speaker 02

  100%.

• 21:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  My tongue needs to go in your asshole at all times.

• 21:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  Just to establish like what type of things this will be.

• 21:47Tom Segura?

  This is gonna be, yeah, this is the relationship.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  When I was in, uh, I was backpacking in Cambodia, I had a sweet American angel. She was a filthy whore. And she was like a hippie. It was like my first hippie girlfriend.

• 22:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:02Speaker 02

  She stole, you know, she didn't give a fuck.

• 22:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  She didn't steal from a corner store. She, she stole like from Whole Foods.

• 22:08Tom Segura?

  Uh huh.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  You know, she's like, fuck the system.

• 22:10Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  She's got disability, but she didn't really have a disability, but that was the fraud.

• 22:15Tom Segura?

  Sure.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  She was backpacking.

• 22:16Tom Segura?

  She's a criminal. Yeah.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  Filthy fucking American girl from like San Diego. Fuck the government. Fuck you.

• 22:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  And I remember I was like, I was like, ah, we were like fucked up at the hostel, you know, fucking on a bunk bed when there's a guy.

• 22:31Tom Segura?

  Underneath, yeah.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  Along for the ride.

• 22:33Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  I'm like banging her, I'm eating her ass and I'm like fingering her fucking ass and fucking fingering, but going pussy to ass, which later, you know, we found out that's not a good combination.

• 22:43Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  And so I remember she like shattered all over my hand, like two little pebbles.

• 22:48Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:48Speaker 02

  It looked like Nesquik.

• 22:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  And I just put him under the pillow, kept banging.

• 22:54Tom Segura?

  That's cool.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  I don't give a fuck.

• 22:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  It is what it is.

• 22:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  It is what it is.

• 22:57Tom Segura?

  But you also definitely want to establish, I am this type of guy.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, eating ass is fun.

• 23:01Tom Segura?

  I mean, I, yeah, life.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  I don't think I've tasted, maybe, probably tasted shit, but.

• 23:05Tom Segura?

  But not known.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  But it's a girl's shit.

• 23:07Tom Segura?

  It's different.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  It's, it's beautiful.

• 23:09Tom Segura?

  And also it's like the taste and the smell are different, you know?

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, the smell is, yeah.

• 23:15Tom Segura?

  You know, the smell lets you know.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 23:17Tom Segura?

  Something's there.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 23:18Tom Segura?

  Something's, there's an issue here.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  I remember even when, when I found those pebbles.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  We could both smell it and we had a moment where we like looked at each other and then I just kept going and I remember she was like, I guess this that sort of dude. This is that sort of dude.

• 23:33Tom Segura?

  Did that love end in Cambodia?

• 23:35Speaker 02

  No, no, no. We went to Australia. We can rock it.

• 23:37Tom Segura?

  You guys kept rocking for a while?

• 23:38Speaker 02

  Rock it. This is my sweet angel.

• 23:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah. And then faded out there?

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:43Tom Segura?

  Okay. Do you have a girlfriend now?

• 23:44Speaker 02

  No.

• 23:45Tom Segura?

  No, single?

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 23:46Tom Segura?

  Out there, on the road.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 23:48Tom Segura?

  AriMatty.com for tickets.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Meet him. Go out there.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Luckily, well, unluckily, it's all men in the audience.

• 23:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  All men. All men.

• 23:58Tom Segura?

  My whole career, man, it's always dudes.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  All dudes. You ever see a Matt Rife show though?

• 24:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's, I know.

• 24:06Tom Segura?

  So, I know.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  And you can do the, you can do the same joke three times in a row. Women just love it.

• 24:10Tom Segura?

  I went to a venue the week after him and the guy at the venue was like, you know what's crazy? I go, what? He goes, I forgot we had men in this city. And I go, what are you talking about? He goes, Matt was here last week. He goes, it was like 85% women. He goes, I didn't know we had hot women here. Yeah, he was like, it was unbelievable.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Crazy.

• 24:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah, really crazy.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Shout out to Matt Rife.

• 24:32Tom Segura?

  Shout out to Matt Rife.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Bring out the bitches.

• 24:36Tom Segura?

  Is Estonia, like, so I've been obsessed with like these foreign chiropractors. Cause like, we have our own standards here in the US, right? And if you live here, you're like, that's the way things are done. And then you realize other parts of the world are doing shit like this. Like this guy's getting his ankle adjusted.

• 24:59Tom Segura?

  But I don't know what kind of medieval contraption that is. But look at this guy's face when he does this, the guy on the, on the bed.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Also that phone number.

• 25:17Tom Segura?

  And he sits up, he's like. I mean, that's, he's, he's scared. He's like, you just fucking did something to me.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 25:24Tom Segura?

  Would that be in Estonia? You know what I mean?

• 25:27Speaker 02

  Nah, this is some Middle Eastern shit.

• 25:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Big ass fan in the back too. Holy shit.

• 25:32Tom Segura?

  That's a big fan.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  Industrial fan.

• 25:33Tom Segura?

  That is a big fan.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  People are sweating their ass off. Nah, I've never had a chiropractor.

• 25:39Tom Segura?

  Never.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Actually, one time I did have like a, some back adjustment or something. And I had like infection in my back or like inflammation.

• 25:47Tom Segura?

  After it?

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Inflammation. No, I had like inflammation.

• 25:49Tom Segura?

  Oh, okay.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  And I go to a doctor that my friend said, he's like a cool doctor.

• 25:52Tom Segura?

  And?

• 25:53Speaker 02

  Chiropractors always have those diplomas on the wall and you read them, it's like, one week course in Latvia.

• 25:58Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  It's like.

• 25:59Tom Segura?

  Dude, I went to a chiropractor in LA who was highly recommended and they were like, this guy's, he's great. And I go there and I mean, I made the appointment. I want to be there.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:10Tom Segura?

  He's like, you know, a lot of people talk shit about chiropractors and he's like, it's fucking bullshit. And this is like before we start and I'm like, yeah, no, I mean, like I made an appointment.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:18Tom Segura?

  He's like, yeah, I mean, I'm a, I fucking did this much school. I did all this shit. People make their jokes and he's like, it's, I'm a fucking real deal. And I go, yeah, I mean.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:27Tom Segura?

  I know. I want you to do this. And the whole time he was like, telling me how qualified he is. And when, sometimes when the, if you go to a chiropractor, they will like smooth out an area before they adjust it.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  I guess, yeah, warm it up maybe.

• 26:42Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's like, he has like some cream and he's like putting it on. I was like, I made a comment. I was like, oh yeah, I go, this massage feel great. And he stops, he goes, I'm not giving you a fucking massage. And I go.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 26:53Tom Segura?

  Just whatever you're doing feels good.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:56Tom Segura?

  He's like, yeah, I'm prepping it to make the adjustment. I'm like, hey, man, you're the most aggressive motherfucker I've ever met.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 27:03Tom Segura?

  But he was great. I mean, he was great at his thing. Yeah, but like they, a lot of them feel like, because people, chiropractors will get the title doctor, right? And so people are like, yeah, but you're not an M D.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I get, I get that.

• 27:15Tom Segura?

  They get, they get sensitive about it.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I get that. And also, does it really work?

• 27:19Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, me neither.

• 27:21Tom Segura?

  I don't know. I know that I felt better that day.

• 27:24Speaker 02

  This guy hurt the shit out of my back and then when I was leaving, he was talking to me about my sexual life.

• 27:29Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 27:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was like, he was like.

• 27:31Tom Segura?

  He's like, you eat ass?

• 27:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, a little bit. He was like, he was like an overall holistic chiropractor. Yeah, cuz I remember he kept squeezing. I'm like, my back is hurting. He kept squeezing like apart near my scrotum. He was like squeezing, squeezing. He goes, lots of tension. I go, am I getting hard or like? He goes, lots of tension, sexual energy pent up. You need to figure it out.

• 27:55Tom Segura?

  You need to figure it out?

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 27:56Tom Segura?

  I was like, are we gonna figure it out here together?

• 27:58Speaker 02

  I'm like, yeah, this is a different type of doctor.

• 28:00Tom Segura?

  This is like, this is a third world.

• 28:08Tom Segura?

  She doesn't look better, by the way.

• 28:09Speaker 02

  Never.

• 28:11Tom Segura?

  He's like, yep, I'm gonna get us.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  She does look compressed. She looks like she's in the wrong resolution.

• 28:20Tom Segura?

  Yes, she does.

• 28:21Speaker 02

  You know, when a TV is like sixteen and nine?

• 28:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  It's a four and three.

• 28:25Tom Segura?

  I don't know that she's gonna walk out of there being like, that was worth it.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  Have you seen a video where there's a guy with like a and it like the machine?

• 28:32Tom Segura?

  Yes, yes.

• 28:34Tom Segura?

  And then they lower him down and they're like, huh, yeah, those, I love those. I watched those for hours.

• 28:38Speaker 02

  I watched for those hours, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

• 28:40Tom Segura?

  Cuz you realize these are just like made up contraptions.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  Totally made up.

• 28:43Tom Segura?

  That ankle fucking thing?

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:45Tom Segura?

  There's no way like a doctor would be like, that's a good idea. Put your.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  I saw that one video of a guy being in like a barber shop and he gets like, you know, sometimes barbers will also do like a little neck thing?

• 28:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  And the guy gets paralyzed. He like snaps the neck and the guy's on the check.

• 29:00Tom Segura?

  In the video? It's in the video?

• 29:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz he goes

• 29:04Speaker 02

  and then, and then like an article comes up. He got paralyzed.

• 29:07Tom Segura?

  Holy fuck.

• 29:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, he had like a, it's like, there's some sort of a vein that you have here that, that like can get hit by a ligament or something. And if you snap it, it like cuts it off and you're done. If I got a haircut and I come back paralyzed, dude, I'm pissed.

• 29:23Tom Segura?

  I'm pissed. And you know, like, the settlement's gonna be like four grand.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. That's the best part about these chiropractors in America. Listen, if I hurt you, this is bad. In Bakalakashan, or whatever the fuck this is, with those diplomas, dude.

• 29:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  That office ain't even there tomorrow.

• 29:42Tom Segura?

  No, he'll be like, "Yeah, sorry. I'll give you a free one. My bad." Yeah, it's over. It's fucking over, dude.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 01

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• 30:21Speaker 05

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• 30:49Tom Segura?

  Um, there's a burger place. Have you seen this burger place in Argentina? It's all over social media.

• 30:55Speaker 06

  What? I'm here at what people say is Argentina's best burger.

• 31:10Speaker 06

  The burger has been quiet. Let's give it a taste test. Time to put this big, black, juicy burger in my mouth.

• 31:20Speaker 06

  Oh, that is succulent. That is good. That is black.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  Who's the chef, though?

• 31:25Tom Segura?

  I mean, I feel like people are like, do they know what they're doing? Of course they know what they're doing.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  Of course they know what they're doing.

• 31:30Tom Segura?

  Of course they know what they're doing. They're getting people to go like, I wanna go to big burgers.

• 31:35Speaker 02

  I wanna get big burgers.

• 31:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah. This is a...

• 31:38Speaker 02

  You know Estonia does blackface and all that still.

• 31:40Tom Segura?

  They do?

• 31:40Speaker 02

  We still rock it, baby.

• 31:42Tom Segura?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  And a crazy blackface too.

• 31:44Tom Segura?

  Really? Like at shows and everything?

• 31:45Speaker 02

  Red lips and, oh yeah, live television, national television.

• 31:48Tom Segura?

  No way.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Cause we have that thing like, where you like, what's that TV show where you impersonate like famous singers? Do you have like one of those?

• 31:56Tom Segura?

  Um, where you impersonate famous singers? I'm trying to think if that's a thing. I don't know.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  So in Estonia, there's this show and it's like, it's like James Brown.

• 32:06Tom Segura?

  Oh, and someone will be like, I'm gonna do the...

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, even the background singers are blackface. We go hard.

• 32:10Tom Segura?

  Wow. See if you can find that. That sounds really fun.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, just go Estonia, blackface and Babush will come up.

• 32:15Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  And we, well, okay. Uh, go Estonian TV show. Holy shit, this is...

• 32:27Speaker 02

  This is like old...

• 32:28Tom Segura?

  Looks like that one right there probably is from it, right?

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's exactly that show. Yeah, look at it, look at it, look at it, look at him.

• 32:33Tom Segura?

  Matti's Otto?

• 32:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves it. Yeah, so Nago Galaputol, that's the TV show.

• 32:38Tom Segura?

  Because no one there is like, they're like, yeah, this is, this is great. He looks like the guy now.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, spot on.

• 32:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah, they're like, what are you talking about?

• 32:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, we have a...

• 32:47Tom Segura?

  If he didn't put it on, he wouldn't look like James Brown.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. It's like, that doesn't make no sense.

• 32:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:54Tom Segura?

  It's great. That is great. That's the guy.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Okay, that's so funny. He's gonna be so pissed that I did this. He's gonna be so pissed.

• 33:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he looks just like James Brown.

• 33:02Speaker 02

  He looks just like... You know what I do love? They did the blackface, but not like the weight or nothing. They're like, nah.

• 33:09Tom Segura?

  No, no, just the face.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  They're like, do I need a fat suit? Nah, nah, nah. We just need the face.

• 33:14Tom Segura?

  Just the face and real black. Not like spray tan, like black as coal.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:22Tom Segura?

  That's unbelievable.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, we don't give a fuck.

• 33:25Tom Segura?

  Wow, that is really, yeah, that's something else, man.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not like a thing, you know?

• 33:29Tom Segura?

  And that would, would that be like airing today even?

• 33:31Speaker 02

  Oh, this was only last year.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  We love it. And we have three black people. We have three.

• 33:38Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're three.

• 33:39Tom Segura?

  Aren't you in comedy?

• 33:40Speaker 02

  They should be.

• 33:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  They should be.

• 33:43Tom Segura?

  But they're not.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Well, there's, we got one guy. He's from Aruba.

• 33:47Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  He moved there in the nineties to Estonia. And then took part of our, you know, Eurovision, you know.

• 33:52Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  That's our thing.

• 33:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, Eurovision, yeah.

• 33:55Speaker 02

  So he represented Estonia in the Eurovision, won the damn thing.

• 33:58Tom Segura?

  He won it.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, cuz he's black, dude. He's like, these motherfuckers can't do shit.

• 34:01Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 34:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:02Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, he killed it.

• 34:04Tom Segura?

  Eurovision is massive.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  Massive. We love it. We need it. We want it.

• 34:07Tom Segura?

  Do you look forward to it every year?

• 34:09Speaker 02

  I don't, but.

• 34:10Tom Segura?

  No. Have you gone to it? Like, you actually gone?

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Nah, dude.

• 34:12Tom Segura?

  They host it in a different place every year?

• 34:14Speaker 02

  Who wins, that's who gets to host.

• 34:17Tom Segura?

  In their home country?

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:19Tom Segura?

  So they went to Estonia?

• 34:20Speaker 02

  You know, it's funny, like, two years ago, they gave it to Ukraine, all of it, cuz it's like a political thing.

• 34:24Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  But then even Ukraine was like, you know, maybe we do it in Baku or something.

• 34:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, let's move it.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:33Tom Segura?

  Yeah. Fucking A, dude. Did you see a local guy, but speaking of people we know? Alex Jones announced that he's, like, the show is shutting down. Did you see it?

• 34:46Speaker 02

  His show?

• 34:46Tom Segura?

  I think so, yeah. This is what it says here.

• 34:49Speaker 00

  We're getting, we're getting shut down. We have, we beat so many attacks. And, but finally, we're shutting down on tomorrow next month.

• 34:57Tom Segura?

  Wow.

• 34:58Speaker 00

  So, you're saying what happens, people, you know?

• 35:00Tom Segura?

  Yeah, so this is.

• 35:01Speaker 00

  The fake championships, the fake auctions, all of it's happening right now.

• 35:06Tom Segura?

  So what are you gonna do? You're launching a new thing, or what are you doing?

• 35:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, Alex Jones, that, we're gonna be fine.

• 35:09Tom Segura?

  All right, well, are you leaving? Is that why you're saying all this?

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:13Tom Segura?

  Okay.

• 35:14Speaker 00

  I am exhausted.

• 35:16Tom Segura?

  What do you know, Alex?

• 35:19Tom Segura?

  Fifty-two?

• 35:20Speaker 02

  Bless you, sir.

• 35:21Tom Segura?

  You want water?

• 35:22Speaker 02

  He's got water.

• 35:26Tom Segura?

  You good?

• 35:35Speaker 00

  You all right?

• 35:36Tom Segura?

  I'm tired.

• 35:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, we're winning, Joe.

• 35:41Tom Segura?

  We're winning. Well, so there'll be a new thing, maybe.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  Wow. Is he like drunk or?

• 35:46Tom Segura?

  Prob- I don't know.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  Probably.

• 35:49Tom Segura?

  Probably.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  Like, does he talk like that normal?

• 35:52Tom Segura?

  Uh, I mean, he talks kinda like that normal. Kinda like that.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  But all that he said, "I'm tired."

• 35:57Tom Segura?

  And then he goes, "We're winning." Okay, sure, man. Yeah, there's a, there'll be a new-

• 36:04Speaker 02

  Doesn't he live in Austin?

• 36:05Tom Segura?

  Uh, he did.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:06Tom Segura?

  I don't know if he still does. He did. I've never seen him in town or anything, but yeah, people have said that he, he lives here.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 36:13Tom Segura?

  Yeah. It's been a roller coaster for that guy.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  Four hundred percent, yeah. Texas is like the place where a lot of lunatics move, you know?

• 36:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I saw the Liver King go downtown one time.

• 36:23Tom Segura?

  I saw him-

• 36:24Speaker 02

  When he was looking for Big Man, when he was looking for Joe Daddy.

• 36:27Tom Segura?

  Fucking hell, man.

• 36:28Speaker 02

  You know, like, he put, did you see any of those videos?

• 36:31Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  You know, he was like putting, bro, he was at the Four Seasons in Austin for like two weeks.

• 36:36Tom Segura?

  Staying there?

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Apparently, uh, there was like a report of the cleaner after, it was like shit everywhere and shit, you know, cause he does like crazy, whatever, like, uh, N M A coffees and all that.

• 36:46Tom Segura?

  Oh, my god.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  And those are videos of him like doing, like, starting a fire on the balcony of the Four Seasons. Yeah, yeah, he had like a, his own like sticks and shit, and he would like dance around the fire on Instagram Live. As a Four Seasons customer, if I'm on the next balcony with my wife, this is my special weekend with my wife, and I look over the balcony, and I see the wolf hat, and I see this guy around, get him!

• 37:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah, no.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  You gotta go. He stayed there for the whole time.

• 37:18Tom Segura?

  It's refund time, for sure.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta, you pick over the balcony.

• 37:22Tom Segura?

  You gotta go.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  And they didn't kick him out, that's what-

• 37:26Tom Segura?

  I remember when this guy was like, "I'm all natty," and you're like, "Yeah, for sure."

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent.

• 37:32Tom Segura?

  Fucking A, man.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like crazy.

• 37:35Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he was making those videos like, I'm, I wanna find you.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wanna fight Joe Rogan, yeah. What the hell, dude?

• 37:43Tom Segura?

  So he was arrested, oh, at the 14th.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:46Tom Segura?

  Holy shit.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he posted the whole thing, like, on video.

• 37:50Tom Segura?

  So was the arrest for the threat?

• 37:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:53Tom Segura?

  Really?

• 37:54Speaker 02

  But the threats were weird. He was like, I'm gonna, like, I'm gonna consume you, I'm gonna make love to you, I'm gonna kiss you, we're gonna become one man.

• 38:02Tom Segura?

  It's so weird. I've told him this before, but it's so weird to know Joe as long as I've known him. And, like, I just knew him as another comedian and go on the road and do shows. And that he's like this global media figure. It's so strange.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  It's not even global media figure. He can decide what's happening to Iran.

• 38:23Tom Segura?

  That's, it's fucking crazy. That's what I mean. Like, the amount of influence the guy has, and then he's just like, you know, hey, man, you wanna try this, this coffee I just got? And you're like, yeah. It's fucking weird, though.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  I know, it's crazy, yeah. Yeah, he's got the Navy SEALs, he's got security. Yeah, it's crazy.

• 38:41Tom Segura?

  It's very strange.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  But he doesn't stress at all. I-

• 38:44Tom Segura?

  No, I think he has a really good perspective on things.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Really? Yeah, it's surprising.

• 38:47Tom Segura?

  People don't know, like, what we see and how the guy navigates it all, but he's just always just pretty fucking even keeled about stuff.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  Cause I remember when that guy got, who was that guy that got shot in the fucking neck?

• 39:01Tom Segura?

  Oh, Charlie. Charlie Kirk, yeah.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  That day, I go to the mothership, Joe's back there riffing, and I'm like, Joe, you gotta, you gotta hide.

• 39:08Tom Segura?

  I know, I know.

• 39:09Speaker 02

  They're coming. Yeah, he doesn't care. He's like, ah.

• 39:13Tom Segura?

  And he says, and I kind of believe, he's like, I don't read anything.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:16Tom Segura?

  I don't see what people say. I'm like, that's probably best.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy, yeah.

• 39:20Tom Segura?

  Probably best.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  As a podcaster, to reach that height.

• 39:23Tom Segura?

  It's nuts. And then the people that come on that pod, you're like, who's on this? Fucking presidents and- You know what I mean? Like, it's like, it's such a strange world.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  It's like when you do Rogan, it's like, ah, yeah, let's do the two o'clock one at 12. I got Prime Minister of India.

• 39:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  We're gonna solve the energy crisis.

• 39:40Tom Segura?

  Unbelievable. It's a weird, it's gotta be weird, right? That you've found your way here and that this is like what you navigate now.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure. It is weird, yeah.

• 39:48Tom Segura?

  Wait, so was here after Melbourne?

• 39:51Speaker 02

  No, this was like when I went back to Estonia. Then I did a stint in London. I couldn't get no fucking traction. And then my good friend Sam Talent.

• 39:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, good buddy of mine. He came to Estonia to do some gigs. That's how we met. And he was like, just come to Austin, check it out. I came here for like two weeks and then I auditioned for Adam Eager at the mothership. You know, you do the audition. I got passed. I was like, this is the only thing that I got going on for me. And then next week I did Kill Tony and then Tony offered the regular ship.

• 40:19Tom Segura?

  And then it just went from there.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was awesome. Thank Inshallah, you know.

• 40:22Tom Segura?

  How's the road been treating you?

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Oh my God. Club is so much fun.

• 40:27Tom Segura?

  Fun.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Holy shit, it's fun. Yeah, it's great. I love being on the road.

• 40:31Tom Segura?

  That's amazing.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  I love it, yeah. It's so funny, dude. Yeah, and you know what? Your Mom's House. I remember when I was like, um, I was like drinking stolen coffee. The way I used to steal coffee.

• 40:47Tom Segura?

  Is this from because of the hippie girl?

• 40:49Speaker 02

  She kind of taught me.

• 40:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  She taught me the ropes.

• 40:52Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  She kept telling me, no one's gonna run.

• 40:55Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Like, if you steal something, no one's gonna run.

• 40:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  No security's gonna run after you, you know.

• 41:00Tom Segura?

  It's amazing.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  So I go to 7-Eleven and you put the, there's, in Melbourne, they had a one dollar coffee, right? But you put three of those motherfuckers in the slurpee cup with ice. You make it really nice. For one dollar, you get bah, bah, bah.

• 41:15Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  And then you just walk out. And they locate you, of course. The cashier knows what you're doing. I've been there for 45 minutes.

• 41:21Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  So I remember I was drinking one of those coffees and I listened to Your Mom's House.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  Like sporadically, but I remember it was that episode where Robert the Champagne.

• 41:31Tom Segura?

  Robert Paul Champagne, yes.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  You finally got in contact with him. And I remember that episode, for me, I realized in my head what podcasting is gonna do now. Because although Joe was already big and politics was getting involved and like big stuff was happening in polit- like, like money was coming into podcasts.

• 41:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  That connection, that you found this insane lunatic somewhere in New York.

• 41:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 02

  And you made a whole thing about it.

• 41:58Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  That marked like a new era of podcasting for me. I was like, oh, now that's what's possible.

• 42:03Tom Segura?

  Fascinating, cuz that's, I think, in our lure of this show, I mean, that's gotta be.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  The Hall of Fame.

• 42:09Tom Segura?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Cuz there's no like, no network, like, before podcasting, that would have never happened.

• 42:17Tom Segura?

  No, never, never.

• 42:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:20Tom Segura?

  No.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  Twelve meetings in a row where you try to tell about this guy who keeps wanting to get black men to suck him off.

• 42:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  And get beaten up by, and you're like, we're gonna, we're gonna fly him out.

• 42:29Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  We're gonna talk to him.

• 42:31Tom Segura?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:31Speaker 02

  I'm gonna explore this world.

• 42:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, and it's been a crazy relationship, yeah.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, and now you have so many like, big figures, of course, who are like in the show.

• 42:40Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I suppose, crazy people, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's our specialty.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 42:45Tom Segura?

  Is finding lunatics.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 42:46Tom Segura?

  Um, but he was the most, he was our golden goose.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  I would say for sure, yeah. Like, I remember in the park, drinking my stolen coffee and listening, and when he picked up the phone, I remember, I was like.

• 42:59Tom Segura?

  Oh, my God.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  This is a new era.

• 43:01Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  This is a new era.

• 43:03Tom Segura?

  I, I felt like that was a surreal thing. It's funny cuz I forget about that, but when I think about it, I was like, I don't think I, I had, I haven't had that level of excitement, you know?

• 43:13Speaker 02

  It was like Mark Maron Obama, Robert Paul Champagne are two of the biggest things to happen in podcasts.

• 43:19Tom Segura?

  That's so true, yeah.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  The two total opposites, the sitting president and Robert Paul Champagne.

• 43:25Tom Segura?

  Who would love the sitting president.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he would have been like, huge Obama fan.

• 43:29Speaker 02

  Beat me, beat me.

• 43:30Tom Segura?

  Yes, beat me, piss on me, yes. I have a couple of these that we always watch, which is you get to watch them and you tell me whether it's horrible or hilarious. You decide.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  It's like somebody like getting hurt.

• 43:44Tom Segura?

  I mean, it could be. I haven't, I haven't seen them, so I don't know what we're gonna watch. They pull them and then you decide.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Oh dear.

• 43:58Tom Segura?

  Okay, there's a guy walking out of a stadium who just yelled at people.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  Oh, he's both knees. Those ACL, MCL, it's all torn, it's blown up. Yeah, he's never walking again.

• 44:17Tom Segura?

  Holy shit. And it's the, um, the fury with which he's walking that led to that, you know, like if he was casually, he was so angry, I feel like, cause look at when they buckle here.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, both full extension, ba boom. That's where you gotta stretch. You know what always blows my mind when I see these like altercations in America, when there's like someone's freaking out? The rest of the people who don't move is insane.

• 44:46Tom Segura?

  It's, is it, you think it's different?

• 44:48Speaker 02

  I don't know, maybe, maybe it's just my thing. I have an acute sense of, like whenever I walk into a bar or whatever, you, you know who has no idea of that? Women. Women have no, every video of world stars, there's a woman like in the middle of that, just getting knocked the fuck out. I have an acute, as soon as I walk into a bar, acute sense.

• 45:07Tom Segura?

  Scanning the room and everything?

• 45:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, this, this guy, I can see it.

• 45:11Tom Segura?

  Potential threat.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  I can see the guy. I can see, you know, when you see this guy and he doesn't have friends, oh, here we go.

• 45:17Tom Segura?

  You just gotta know where he's at.

• 45:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's, there's like a lady in front of him, like just sitting there like, oh, I hope nothing. I'm getting away as soon as possible.

• 45:26Tom Segura?

  Oh, for sure.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:27Tom Segura?

  We, you're right, that is a male thing. You have to develop a sense for like, this is a problem. Yeah, yeah.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:33Tom Segura?

  I also love that lady recording goes, immediately she sees this, she goes, somebody help him.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  Somebody please help.

• 45:38Tom Segura?

  So her first thing is just like.

• 45:39Speaker 04

  Oh, somebody help.

• 45:41Tom Segura?

  Oh, somebody help.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  Also, he fucked up. Like, if he was a nice guy and that happens.

• 45:46Tom Segura?

  People would be running over.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Now you're kind of on your own.

• 45:48Tom Segura?

  It's the worst scenario. He got loud, was like, "Fuck you and fuck you," and then both of his knees go out.

• 45:53Speaker 02

  And there is something funny about being like, "Fu- fuck you, fuck you, click, please, can someone?"

• 45:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah, he's done, dude. That guy is fucking done. Um, okay, here's another one.

• 46:07Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's propane tanks are good to sit next to.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  Whenever you see dirt and propane tanks.

• 46:13Tom Segura?

  Oh, shit. Oh, shit. This poor old guy.

• 46:23Tom Segura?

  That was just a rogue bull.

• 46:26Tom Segura?

  I was totally expecting a propane tank to explode.

• 46:28Speaker 02

  For sure. That's like very India or some shit. It's like a propane tank and then a bull.

• 46:33Tom Segura?

  I just want to sit and enjoy the afternoon.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  Hey, that's a Dalai Lama. Holy shit.

• 46:42Tom Segura?

  Man.

• 46:44Tom Segura?

  Really, by the way, guys, great choice on the music.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Did you guys do that? The music?

• 46:48Tom Segura?

  That's crazy.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  That's a rough day.

• 46:53Tom Segura?

  I feel bad for the old guy, though.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 46:55Tom Segura?

  No?

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Nah, I don't want you to feel bad for me if that happens.

• 47:03Tom Segura?

  Another good music choice, a guy walking on the end of a barge.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  And he's barefoot.

• 47:07Tom Segura?

  Oh, my fucking god.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, did he get his head?

• 47:12Tom Segura?

  Oh, no.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Oh, no, he got under. Oh, my.

• 47:15Tom Segura?

  Okay, funny, he escaped. It was funny. It was close. Close calls are always funny.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  That's funny.

• 47:23Tom Segura?

  Fuck.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  There's like a cultural thing happening here.

• 47:26Tom Segura?

  It also feels like whoever's driving that boat is like, "Fuck this guy." It doesn't feel like that accidental.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Damn, full on, too.

• 47:35Tom Segura?

  Full on, bro. Like, look how close this is.

• 47:42Tom Segura?

  I mean, that would have been just a collapsed skull completely.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, complete, absolute. Yeah, yeah.

• 47:48Tom Segura?

  What's the gnarliest shit you saw in your fight, injury wise?

• 47:52Speaker 02

  Injury wise?

• 47:52Tom Segura?

  Like, you ever see something just devastating?

• 47:54Speaker 02

  I've seen the dibuwa, fuck, uh, snap, you know, this goes half and it just hangs off the boat. Like, you see the, it just hangs off. I've seen those. I've seen two of those.

• 48:04Tom Segura?

  I was at the, um...

• 48:06Speaker 02

  Connor one? Connor one?

• 48:08Tom Segura?

  I was at the Connor one.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  Oh, the Connor one.

• 48:10Tom Segura?

  I was at Connor and I, and then I saw, and I saw it, cause I was so close. I saw it before the, the crowd reaction, you know, like I, I saw it and I was like, and then like, it was like, beat, beat, like, ah, like people see, it was gnarly, man.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:25Tom Segura?

  Gnarly.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  But in, uh, I would see gnarliest thing outside of MMA, I've seen like accidents. I remember one time, when I was living in Thailand, I was like, driving around my scooter, you know, that's how you drive around. And they drive around too, you know, they have like a family of seven on one scooter, you know? That's another thing, by the way, if you're experiencing new things, like, have you ever done like bungee jumping?

• 48:46Tom Segura?

  Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  You know, people always go to Thailand and they do like bungee jumping.

• 48:51Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  I always wanna tell those people like, their restaurants are on scooters.

• 48:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 48:58Speaker 02

  How far you think the checking the bungee rope?

• 49:02Tom Segura?

  Not a lot of regulations here.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. So, there's a lot of shit I wouldn't do. And I remember in Thailand, I even started getting oblivious, cause, you know, they don't have traffic lights, they don't do nothing, they just go. There's no left, right, you just go.

• 49:16Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  And I remember thinking like, oh, this is like a beautiful thing that, I, I started thinking like, why do we even need traffic lights? Look at this, this is like a beautiful, and then like five minutes later, do, do, do, do, do, do, I go, I see a truck pulled over, I see baby shoes, blood, baby shoes, blood. Family of five exploded, heads. There was like a hand, like in the bush. And then like a guy, and then like a guy in the middle of the road, like some, I don't know if it was an officer or some guy from parking lot guy. And he's like, he's like sweeping the blood and the body parts.

• 49:47Tom Segura?

  With his shoe. We gotta go.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  We gotta go. So then I go home and I Google, yeah, number one place in the world where like people die in accidents is Thailand and India. Of course, every day, all day, everyone explodes.

• 49:58Tom Segura?

  Keep going.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Keep going.

• 49:59Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 50:00Speaker 02

  And it was like, yeah, baby shoes and like body parts and a tiny arm in the bush. And then the scooter under the truck and then the truck.

• 50:10Tom Segura?

  All right, let's watch this next clip.

• 50:15Tom Segura?

  Oh, this is gonna be dark.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, dead.

• 50:19Tom Segura?

  That's out.

• 50:21Tom Segura?

  I like when someone goes, yo. It's not too bad.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Not too bad.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:28Tom Segura?

  He got fucked up, dude.

• 50:30Speaker 02

  I would say. Brain injury, always the scariest.

• 50:34Tom Segura?

  Scariest.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  I'd rather lose my legs.

• 50:36Tom Segura?

  Yeah, than a brain injury?

• 50:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah, a hundred percent. The craziest, cause you know, on Instagram, you scroll, you'll just see like, oh, here's a confrontation on the street. And it's always the, it's the crack to the cement that makes you go like, oh, my fucking god.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  Uh, I knew a guy, uh, back in my day when I used to do mixed martial arts, he was a sweet guy. He was like from hillbilly Estonia, spoke one language.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  So he was like a nice, sweet hillbilly guy. He never go to clubs and nothing. And then I, me and the guys were always like, you gotta do something, you know, you can't just, you gotta let loose. And then I, I didn't see him for a few months and I asked my, our mutual friend, I go, have you seen him, you know? And he's like, oh yeah, he went to a nightclub.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  First time ever in a nightclub, bitches, bitches, bitches. And he's smoking cigars, he's doing shots and he's a big guy, he's a big guy. Doing shots, smoking cigars. First time getting all this stimulus. Remember the first time you would be in a nightclub and you see tits and shit? And you're drunk and you're like, wow, this is the world, wow! And he's in the cigarette room, talking to a girl, the girl's boyfriend shows up. He goes, wanna, you wanna go outside? And because, men only fight when there's women around.

• 51:49Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 51:51Speaker 02

  That's the rule. You know, whenever you see men fight, it's because there's bitches around. Yeah. The bitches is what they're fighting. Mm hmm. So the, so he's like amped up. He's like, sure, let's go outside because he's an MMA guy. He is. Yeah. Okay. He goes, let's go outside. So they go outside. The guy throws a punch and he head kicks him. Bah! Same. My friend. Kicks the other guy? Yeah, but out of panic, he's not a bad, he's a hillbilly, nice, sweetie, patootie. He's not a bad guy, but he was drunk, probably stimulus, the bitches, it was a bad environment. So he head kicks the guy and the guy hits the head on the pavement, six years. He died, yeah, he died, the guy died. It's manslaughter. He killed the guy. Yeah, it's manslaughter, yeah, six years. Fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's like, I'm never going out again.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  I don't know, he's probably out now, but I don't know, he's probably somewhere stroking a fucking dog somewhere. Yeah. Not in civilization. And that was like his one time he went out. One time in the city, one time, under the city lights. And then have you ever known anybody who's got a traumatic brain injury and they're different? Yes. Scares the living shit out of you. Yeah. I had a friend who jumped off like, of bitches around, bitches around. So he had to jump off a bridge into a water because there's bitches around. If it was all guys, we'd be like, hey, we don't know what's under the water. Yeah. So he jumps off the bridge and he, of course, if you're on a bridge, right? Yeah. You would think the deepest part is in the middle. That's how puddles and stuff works, is it not?

• 53:19Speaker 02

  So he goes to the middle, but sometimes if it's an active river with boats, they put a separator, a pavement. You know, so the boats don't cross. So the middle part has this thing and it's like so deep. So he jumps off the bridge, bah bah, hits his head. And I didn't see him for a few years and then I saw him at like, I saw him before going on stage one time, I see him outside. He's got like a little plastic bag, you know, when you got a plastic bag with one thing in it? Yeah. You want to be like, hey, there's a pocket. Yeah. But he don't know about the pocket.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  So he's got that little thing and I go, hey, but I heard that something happened, you know. Hey, and it's like, it's like a dog looking at you.

• 54:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:09Tom Segura?

  Like that?

• 54:11Speaker 02

  I go onstage a bomb, because you know, I'm like.

• 54:13Tom Segura?

  It's in your head, yeah.

• 54:15Speaker 02

  That scares the living. I'd rather see you like no arms, no legs.

• 54:18Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  I can still riff.

• 54:20Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah. The, uh, plastic bag's always a tell too. I had a comedy promoter one time, this is obviously in the early days. And this guy's like, you want to do a gig? And I go, yeah. He's like, all right, go to this, he's gonna, go pick up this guy. I go, pick him up? He's like, yeah. So the guy just like, is like, yeah, go to Melrose and like Wilcox, just pull over on the side of the road. I'm like, all right. And then I just see this guy, he's wearing shorts and you know, like an old shirt. He's got a plastic bag. And I'm like, are you? He's like, yeah. He's like, you're gonna, you're gonna drive to the gig. I go, okay.

• 54:59Tom Segura?

  Whole way to the gig, he's telling me how the gig worked. I'm like, I know how the fucking gig works. He's like, I want you to go up there. You say this, you say this, you say the next show's coming up. He goes, when I give you the light, you need to extend your finger to acknowledge that you saw the light. I don't need a head nod, you, you have to extend, like, he's, he has all these weird rules.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  Cause he's.

• 55:20Tom Segura?

  He's off. And then I do the gig.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  How did you pay? In chocolate coins?

• 55:24Tom Segura?

  I mean, I, I was, I was expecting it. And he, he gave me the money and then he goes, how much did you spend on gas? Like to go to the gig and back? Cause it was like out of town. And I go, I mean, I didn't fucking calculate, you know what I mean? Like, you're like, I just drove to the gig and back. He's like, I think I, I'll give you 10 bucks for the gas. And I go, okay. He gives me 10 bucks. And then I go, um, all right, where do you want me to drop you off? He goes, just over there on the side of the road. I go, I can pull up to your place. And he goes, just pull over to the side of the road. I go, okay. And I go, hey, what's in the bag? And he's like, what? I go, you got a fucking plastic bag. What's in the bag? He goes, don't worry about it. I go, okay.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  That's his little plastic bag.

• 56:06Tom Segura?

  That was his little plastic bag, which had god knows what in it. And then he was like, I guess I can throw you some gigs in the future, maybe, but you gotta clean it up. You've been cursing too much up there. And I go, okay.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  He knows about curses?

• 56:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  But he doesn't know about pockets.

• 56:19Tom Segura?

  And he did, and he wouldn't let me go to his address. Like, he wouldn't let me.

• 56:23Speaker 02

  So funny. So there's like a fucking.

• 56:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He wanted to keep it a secret.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  There's like a system. It's like a system.

• 56:30Tom Segura?

  Spooky guy.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 56:32Tom Segura?

  Spooky.

• 56:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:33Tom Segura?

  And there's, he's probably still there. I'm sure he's still, he was, this was like in two thousand nine. And he was like, he looked like he was about like in his sixties.

• 56:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:44Tom Segura?

  You know, and I feel like he's probably still running these rooms. I bet you he is.

• 56:49Speaker 02

  But his little plastic bag.

• 56:50Tom Segura?

  His little bag and his shorts and his sandals and being like, point when you see the light.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 56:55Tom Segura?

  Okay, man.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 56:56Tom Segura?

  Spooky.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  I used to go to summer camp. And there was this, all my friends would be like, hey, you know, we have sauna night. Every Friday at summer camp, we have sauna night.

• 57:07Tom Segura?

  Sauna night?

• 57:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, we do mixed, you know?

• 57:08Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:08Speaker 02

  Estonians and cock balls, pussy, everything out, you know? Oh, yeah, we don't like do that whole, oh my god.

• 57:16Tom Segura?

  Cover up thing?

• 57:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:18Tom Segura?

  And then, how old are you?

• 57:19Speaker 02

  I'm like a kid. I'm like maybe fourteen or something.

• 57:21Tom Segura?

  And everyone's dick and balls are out?

• 57:23Speaker 02

  Dude, I would be like twelve and my mom's friends would be like bush out in the sauna. And I would lie that, you know, in the sauna, there's levels.

• 57:30Tom Segura?

  Yeah, sure, sure.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  Up is more hotter. And I would lie that I'm too hot. And I would sit right in front of the pussy.

• 57:38Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Of my mom's friends, like the legs are here. And I look behind, like, I'm like, I can feel it. I can almost feel the heat of the pussy on the back of my neck.

• 57:48Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  And you're like twelve, so you don't actually know that I wanna like pound this puss.

• 57:54Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 57:54Speaker 02

  But the secret of life is definitely here. And I wanna be here as long as possible. Yeah, so I saw all kinds of shit. So we're at the summer camp, Friday, it's like sauna night, and I didn't go, cause I went to the sauna at the gym. But the guys are like, nah, you really, you really gotta come, there's this crazy chick, she's, she's like fingering at the sauna, you can, you can fuck her in the mouth and all that.

• 58:17Speaker 02

  But these are like, this is like countryside summer camp, where the city kids and the country kids collide. And the country kids are telling me, you can fuck this girl in her mouth, you know, she's like fingering and you can do whatever you want, and she's like an animal. She's at the sauna, and we all take turns, you know. And I'm like, oh, well, I'll check it out. So I go there and in the wardrobe, I see she's full on mentally retarded. Oh, my God.

• 58:44Speaker 02

  And I tell them.

• 58:47Speaker 02

  She's. Blah, blah, blah, they're just. They're like putting ice cream on their cock, I don't know how they're making her do it, but. Like giving her a little lollipop with the gum in the middle, you know, they're like. So the wardrobe, you know, I'm like, I'm good, you know.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  And then, and then later, I let, later I go, you know, she's kind of like, you guys noticed that she's a little. She didn't have the face, but she was. All over. Yeah. And they're like, she's an animal. I know, she don't even know what cock is, you know, she don't know what her pussy's for. So I tell, I tell them, you know, she's a little, they go, yeah, yeah, she's fun, you know, that she's always been like that. They didn't even know that. That that was a thing. Yeah, that was a thing, they just thought she's a fun girl, that she just wants to get banged out. She's like, this is a lot of attention, I get a lot of attention. I get a lot of attention and good snacks later. Yeah, holy fuck, so you passed on it, though. I passed on it. Good for you, man. Yeah, yeah, I was like a good man. Maybe she'll run for president.

• 59:46Speaker 07

  I'm ready to run for president twenty twenty eight. As a moderate Democrat.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  He looks like a Thor guy from the mothership.

• 59:58Speaker 07

  And we need to make America more retarded again.

• 1:00:03Speaker 02

  Oh, so he's like cracking jokes?

• 1:00:04Speaker 07

  Twenty twenty eight.

• 1:00:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah. He has the self-awareness.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  But not enough to point the camera in the middle. You know how the camera is like teetering off? And what are you looking at?

• 1:00:16Tom Segura?

  Maybe his script? I don't know.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:19Tom Segura?

  I don't know.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  See, this is what I've always thought about what's happening with the internet.

• 1:00:24Tom Segura?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:00:25Speaker 02

  You know how like? Like, there's rules what you can do in public space. You can't be no jacking off anymore.

• 1:00:32Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:00:33Speaker 02

  But for sure, there had to be a time where everyone was doing crazy shit in public spaces. Until our culture and civilization evolved to a point where we go, hey, put the cock away with the kids, all right?

• 1:00:44Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  So then that was accepted. With the internet, I think something's coming at some point where we gotta be like, this shouldn't be public.

• 1:00:53Tom Segura?

  Right.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:00:54Tom Segura?

  This should be a private thing.

• 1:00:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I agree.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  Because something's coming, because this is getting like crazy.

• 1:01:00Tom Segura?

  Well, we're overstimulated now with with this kind of shit.

• 1:01:04Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:01:04Tom Segura?

  It's just, it's, remember like when you discovered like porn is on the internet? And then you're like, oh, there's like a site you can go to. And then all of a sudden, it's like, now there's eighteen point seven million videos.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  It's all porn.

• 1:01:18Tom Segura?

  It's all porn. And then it's just, it's like, it's over, it's overdone. And then like craziness is now, it's overdone.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  It's, yeah.

• 1:01:26Tom Segura?

  There's too much of it.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure, yeah.

• 1:01:30Tom Segura?

  Like, at a certain point, I think I'm very jealous now of the people who are like, oh, yeah, I don't have, I don't have social media. I don't have accounts. I don't see what you're talking about.

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  To be honest, if you're outside, if you're not a whore, if you're a whore, you gotta have social media. The OnlyFans, I get it. You're a whore.

• 1:01:46Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  If you're like a guy who works at like a regular desk job.

• 1:01:50Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Why are you posting? It's weird to me.

• 1:01:53Tom Segura?

  Just, you mean just look for entertainment then, but don't post?

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:56Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  Like if you're not in entertainment, like if I didn't have to.

• 1:02:00Tom Segura?

  Would you?

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:02:02Tom Segura?

  I don't think I would.

• 1:02:03Speaker 02

  Dude, what? Post what? Like what, what is happening, you know?

• 1:02:07Tom Segura?

  I agree.

• 1:02:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like definitely, I'm definitely envious of those people.

• 1:02:12Tom Segura?

  I really, I, I have friends who obviously they're not in entertainment and I'll be like, oh, I put it on my Instagram and they're like, I don't have that. I'm like, you don't have that? And they're like, I don't have an account.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have friends who literally hit me up. They're like, update your email. I'm like, email? This guy's just fucking.

• 1:02:27Tom Segura?

  It's crazy.

• 1:02:28Speaker 02

  But it's definitely more healthier than watching this for four hours a day.

• 1:02:31Tom Segura?

  This can totally melt our brains.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:34Tom Segura?

  Totally melt our brains.

• 1:02:35Speaker 02

  Fuck.

• 1:02:36Tom Segura?

  Oh, man. I don't wanna, oh, fuck. What is this?

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  What do you got?

• 1:02:43Tom Segura?

  I'm, they're giving, there's all kinds of crazy shit in here. Let's see. This guy's interesting. He posts, he used to post like inspiring things, like he would go, he would do things like, you know.

• 1:02:57Speaker 08

  Three signs that you are a psychopath. If these three signs describe you, you should probably go find a psychologist.

• 1:03:05Tom Segura?

  Now, he's clearly reading, but he's also just trying to like share, you know, some type of information, you know?

• 1:03:12Speaker 08

  One, you have a lack of empathy. Empathy is a normal human emotion. And if you're a psychopath, you don't have the ability to feel pain for other people's suffering.

• 1:03:23Tom Segura?

  Now, the point is, I'm trying to show you is that he's just trying to like spread.

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  Awareness.

• 1:03:28Tom Segura?

  Awareness about a message. The message in this case is just, there are psychopaths out there. Here's how to spot one, right?

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:03:35Tom Segura?

  So you're like, okay, that's a, that's your lane. I'm, I'm trying to teach. And then all of a sudden he just started posting shit like this.

• 1:03:42Speaker 08

  I wanna give you kisses all the way down your stomach.

• 1:03:45Speaker 02

  Shredded.

• 1:03:46Speaker 08

  Until my lips meet yours.

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  Incredible body.

• 1:03:48Speaker 08

  Then keep kissing you through the aftershocks until you pushing my head away and pulling it back at the same time.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  I like a kiss.

• 1:03:57Tom Segura?

  So it's like.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  Also, look at the last video. You know what I noticed immediately?

• 1:04:01Tom Segura?

  The shitty front porch thing?

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  When you see the blinds.

• 1:04:06Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  And there, there's.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  You know, the one, like, the sides are fucked up too. You see?

• 1:04:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  A lot of peaking.

• 1:04:16Tom Segura?

  A lot of peaking.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  A lot of.

• 1:04:17Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's a really good observation.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  It's a lot.

• 1:04:19Tom Segura?

  He's always like.

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:23Tom Segura?

  And those are eye level, for sure.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. You can see, one is cock level.

• 1:04:27Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eye and cock, yeah. That's a really good observation. Yeah.

• 1:04:34Speaker 02

  This is bad.

• 1:04:35Tom Segura?

  I mean, those pants, what are those, knockoff Versace's? This is just weird. Everything's weird about him.

• 1:04:41Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:04:41Tom Segura?

  He's a strange dude.

• 1:04:43Speaker 02

  Damn, life is crazy.

• 1:04:45Tom Segura?

  Life is crazy.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  And he's shredded and oiled up.

• 1:04:48Tom Segura?

  And he's all oiled up and letting you know.

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  Whenever I see a body like that, I'm always like, bro, I've been going to the gym for 16 years and nothing's going on.

• 1:04:55Tom Segura?

  I know.

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  And you're just like.

• 1:04:58Tom Segura?

  And this guy is just like, I want to kiss your pussy and look at me, yeah.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  An absolute god.

• 1:05:02Tom Segura?

  I feel like this guy, I don't think he trains.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  Never. He don't count sets, he don't count reps.

• 1:05:07Tom Segura?

  One of the craziest.

• 1:05:08Speaker 02

  I'm doing like a Dorian Yates schedule and nothing's happening.

• 1:05:11Tom Segura?

  Nothing.

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 1:05:12Tom Segura?

  The craziest body I've ever seen on a dude, one of them. And I was at a, do a pickup basketball game and I was like, so what are you, like, how often are you in there training? And he was like, I don't lift. And it was just like Adonis, like, just.

• 1:05:24Speaker 02

  Bah.

• 1:05:25Tom Segura?

  Yeah, I was like, what?

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  I see homeless people in Austin.

• 1:05:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:28Speaker 02

  Incredible Greek gods.

• 1:05:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:32Speaker 02

  Just next to the highway, never even counted a rep, never got up early, just a fucking.

• 1:05:40Tom Segura?

  But does some part of your brain, some part of your brain, like, still hold on to hope? Like, it'll get there one day.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Of course, every day, I'm, like, in my, in my 50s, I am Arnold.

• 1:05:54Tom Segura?

  Right, you're like, it's just gonna happen then.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  It has to happen.

• 1:05:57Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  It has to fucking happen.

• 1:05:58Tom Segura?

  I feel like I go through the cycle of like, what do I even do this for?

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:06:03Tom Segura?

  And then there's certain days, you're like, one day it's gonna be fucking awesome.

• 1:06:05Speaker 02

  It's gonna be giant, I'm gonna show up like fucking The Avengers.

• 1:06:09Tom Segura?

  And it's just delu-, it's delusions, we were talking about.

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  Full-on delusion, yeah. Like, if it hasn't happened by now.

• 1:06:13Tom Segura?

  It's not happening.

• 1:06:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:14Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's not happening. Um, all right, go see Ari on tour, arimaddy.com for tickets. Where the, where you cut, what's coming up? Where cities are you going to? You don't know?

• 1:06:25Speaker 02

  Arimaddy.com.

• 1:06:26Tom Segura?

  All right, you guys figure it out. You get tickets there.

• 1:06:29Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm doing San Diego.

• 1:06:31Tom Segura?

  San Diego, okay.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  La Jolla Comedy Store.

• 1:06:33Tom Segura?

  Great, great.

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  I've heard it's amazing.

• 1:06:35Tom Segura?

  You're gonna have so much fun in San Diego. Maybe you'll run into your hippie chick. That's where she's from.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  The he- she is, ah, she also. She fell off of a camel, so. She's got a little.

• 1:06:49Tom Segura?

  I mean, it's two of the things we talked about.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  She's a little.

• 1:06:51Tom Segura?

  A little out there now, more?

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  You know, when you see the Facebook posts?

• 1:06:55Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  And when you click read more, a separate tab.

• 1:07:00Tom Segura?

  Oh, that's her now.

• 1:07:02Speaker 02

  You know, when Facebook is, you're like, this is a lot.

• 1:07:04Tom Segura?

  Dude, you're working the fucking best club in the country.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:07:07Tom Segura?

  Comedy Works downtown.

• 1:07:08Speaker 02

  I love Comedy Works, yeah.

• 1:07:10Tom Segura?

  Have you done the downtown one?

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  I have done it.

• 1:07:11Tom Segura?

  It's the fucking greatest.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  It's great. It's very, it's, it's actually bad for you.

• 1:07:15Tom Segura?

  It is bad for you if you, if you were like, I'm starting stand up. If you had moved from like Estonia to Denver and just been like, this is the only place I work. I'd be like, that's gonna fuck you up.

• 1:07:25Speaker 02

  First time I did Denver, the weekend I got back to the mothership to do gigs. I showed up with a leather suit because I think I'm delirious.

• 1:07:32Tom Segura?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:32Speaker 02

  Because I'm like, I got it.

• 1:07:33Tom Segura?

  I got it.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  I got it. I didn't even have a set.

• 1:07:35Tom Segura?

  You're like, fine, like, everyone who goes, I go, finally, an audience that gets it.

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:07:41Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's the best. It's a trick.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Crazy.

• 1:07:43Tom Segura?

  It's a trick. These are great places. You're doing great clubs, dude.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  Thank God.

• 1:07:47Tom Segura?

  Um, congratulations on all your success.

• 1:07:50Speaker 02

  Thank you. Are you going back to Fat?

• 1:07:52Tom Segura?

  Soon?

• 1:07:53Speaker 02

  Like ever? You think it's gonna slip because it's in your bones, no?

• 1:07:56Tom Segura?

  It's in my, it's in my bones, it's in my heart, it's in everything.

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy that.

• 1:08:01Tom Segura?

  I mean, I opened a bakery, so we'll see.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  Chicha Bomba?

• 1:08:04Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it opened, the big place opens in a month.

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  I love it.

• 1:08:07Tom Segura?

  So if I'm there a lot, I don't think there's any way around it.

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  Because, because it is crazy that you did like the reverse of what like guys usually do when like women marry their husbands, you know?

• 1:08:17Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Speaker 02

  Because you were like tub of ass.

• 1:08:21Tom Segura?

  Do you know what, do you know what?

• 1:08:22Speaker 02

  When I, when I used to watch Y M A, you were a big boy.

• 1:08:26Tom Segura?

  Ron White said to me the other day, it's, it's pretty funny. It sounds like a humble brag, but it's just so funny, the way he said it. I walk into the, to the green room, he goes, he's like, oh, look at, he goes, look at James Bond over here, right? And I go, hey, man. He goes, he goes, you look, you look good, man. Handsome. And I go, thanks, buddy. Like, like, just like a nice compliment, right? And he just, he's just looking at me. He goes, you know? The thing is different about you. He goes, you look back at my old stuff when I was fat. You could tell there was a handsome guy under there. He goes, but with you, you were just fat.

• 1:09:06Tom Segura?

  He goes, no one ever expected anything.

• 1:09:11Tom Segura?

  And I go, is that the end of the sentence?

• 1:09:14Tom Segura?

  And he goes, yeah. He goes, it's just a surprise. He goes, anyway, you look good, man. I go, thanks, man. He goes, you were just fat.

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:09:23Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:23Speaker 02

  You know who looks great? I watched F1 with Brad Pitt.

• 1:09:28Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  How does he look like that?

• 1:09:31Tom Segura?

  He's sixty.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  He's sixty.

• 1:09:33Tom Segura?

  Sixty-two.

• 1:09:34Speaker 02

  Absolutely shredded and a beautiful man.

• 1:09:37Tom Segura?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:38Speaker 02

  And not, look, is it, how is this sixty?

• 1:09:42Tom Segura?

  It's amazing.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  When I was growing up, sixty was with, when you're sixty was, you had a special chair, a rocking chair, and your kids would like put the blanket on you.

• 1:09:52Tom Segura?

  It's a new world, dude. It's a new world. Also, I mean, this guy, let's just be honest, some people are just blessed also.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  So blessed.

• 1:09:59Tom Segura?

  Like, just blessed.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:10:01Tom Segura?

  Your genes, your fa- I mean, he's also, I'm sure, had great maintenance these last forty years.

• 1:10:07Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:10:08Tom Segura?

  You know, but yeah, no, he's not a, that's not a regular sixty-two-year-old guy.

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  For sure, yeah.

• 1:10:14Tom Segura?

  No, he looks, he looks incredible.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  And he was never fat.

• 1:10:16Tom Segura?

  Never fat, not like me, no, no. And maybe I'll be very fat again soon. We'll, we'll find out.

• 1:10:21Speaker 02

  At some point, it's gotta, the, the brakes are gonna fall off.

• 1:10:24Tom Segura?

  Well, also, it's just like.

• 1:10:26Speaker 02

  It's in you.

• 1:10:26Tom Segura?

  Yeah, it's in me. And maybe I'll be like super fucking into it too, and be like, this is really what I'm supposed to be. Super fucking gross. All right. Uh, thank you, bro.

• 1:10:38Speaker 02

  Thank you so much for having me.

• 1:10:39Tom Segura?

  We'll see you guys next week.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  Love you guys. Bye.

• 1:11:06Speaker 04

  Look at the battle. Just glass it.

• 1:11:10Speaker 04

  Just glass it.

• 1:11:13Speaker 04

  Just glass it.

• 1:11:17Speaker 04

  Just glass it.

• 1:11:20Speaker 04

  Put it along.

• 1:11:24Speaker 04

  Put it along. Yes!

• 1:11:27Speaker 04

  Put it along. Yes! Put it along. Put it along. Yes! Put it along. Just glass it.

• 1:11:35Speaker 01

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